#ur all cowards if this doesnt get wished into being

[sanguinir]

one day, a druid character will not be a coward and will wild shape into a cat for when astarion has a nightmare. thank you.

[james-fun-in-the-sunderland]

yeah sure every q for the ask game for mr. abel unless u like hate a q then u can skip but. and you know what !!!! 👀 and 💌 for vicky !!!!!! thats right so many q's

every day when i rb an ask game zee sees if he can send me as of them as possible bc its his love language 💖

link back to the ask game bc i have other ocs to aske about if anyone wishes

going under a readmore immediately bc wow. so many qs.

for abel:

🥵 : Is your OC perceived as physically attractive to others? Is it at first glance or is it something that takes more time to reach fruition?

I think abel is definitely physically attractive to others! he has a very 'aged like a fine wine' type of look that i swear isnt just my own biases i swear i swear . i really do think he would 100% be flirted with by like . everyone. but especially men. i think its first glance also BTW, maybe taking more time for people who arent into how big or hairy he is? but those are cowards. 💦 : Is your OC’s attractiveness based on looks or a more intangible aura?

looks. but also abel has a very charismatic aura to him as well! he speaks very casually or more formally depending on the people he talks to and finds it easy to figure out how to push the right buttons in a conversation to make someone like him so its just like alot. 💪 : What is your OC’s most physically attractive attribute? 

face for sure, hes got the beard and a bit of a smoldering look to him that makes him even hotter when he takes off his glasses, plus if he dresses up he looks VERY nice and his body in general IMO is quite nice. 🧠 : What is your OC’s most mentally attractive attribute?

like i said before he has a charisma to him that makes him very attractive and just nice to in general but he also is veryyy intellectual! being a nurse and all. he did very well in school and i think people could be into how he can rattle off obscure medical terms. 👀 : Does your OC believe they are attractive? Do they use that to their advantage?

very interesting question actually bc ive never thought abt this hmmmm.... i think he does ? but only because people have told him, i think otheerwise its not like he wouldnt like how he looks or anyhing he just would be very neutral on it. suffice it to say he doesnt use his appearance at all. 👃 : Does your OC smell good? Do they have a signature scent?

i think he would! hes very well groomed and probably often takes showers and probably wears cologne to dates. probably smells a bit woody but with some notes of fruit and like . other smels... probably also has like a slight scent of like blood and stuff since he works at a hospital and which like is worse after he gets home from work but THATS what COLOGNE is for BABEYYY 👂 : Does your OC have an attractive voice?

yes. abel has a deeper voice than vicky IMO its very chill and calming. the only turn off would possibly be that it is very american. vicky winces sometimes at abels accent but hes like whatever .... ill accept it bc ur voice is hot on is own. but yeah guy who could put u to sleep but also? 😳 🚲 : Does your OC enjoy playing the field? Or are they more monogamy-minded?

i think mainly he is much more monogamy minded but knows that its mainly due to pressure from his parents to like settle down and find one person (who he COULD have had kids with if he were straight, they are upset abt possibly no grandkids but he doesnt have to worry abt that anymore <3) but i do think that in his younger years he played around with multiple guys and if it werent for vicky being extremely monogamous, he might in his older years as well 😍 : What does your OC find irresistible in others?

good anatomy /gen. his ideal partner looks like a scientific model in his textbook with visible musculature, this is why hes particularly into mr skin slight muscle and bones vicky. he also likes it when his partner can get him out of his head, bringing him out of his worries or obsessive thinking in general is like a #1 requirement for being anything long term with him 💘 : Is your OC a very good flirt? Are they charming?

YES!! as said before hes very good at the game of conversating but i think in general hes very good at complimenting someone and getting them flushed with double entendres, abel isnt afraid to be crass in a flirtatious way and that definitely gets alot of people on board with Doing Stuff with him. however. sometimes he can be so smooth that it can pass over peoples heads. (vicky) 💋 : Is your OC a good kisser? How do they do it?

actually, i think not really! i know ive been saying abel is great at EVERYTHING romance here but i do think this is where hes lacking a bit! he doesnt have many skills with his tongue despite how often he kisses lads... he just needs more practice ig :/ 🦴 : Does your OC have much sexual experience? What are they like?

yes! well he does with men, i dont think abel has actually ever had any kind of experience with women, kind of knew since he was a kid what he liked and everything. in bed he tends to be much more submissive, preferring to focus on making sure his partners are comfortable and feeling good, though hes not afraid to be more forceful if he really wants something. also as far as top vs bottom. hes a switch so. 💞 : Do they treat sex casually or do they view it as something with a lot of emotional weight?

depends on the partner honestly, i think most of the time with casual partners ofc obvs he treats it much more casually, but with more serious partners it typically carries more weight as hes not afraid to be much more vulnerable with them. but i think that he doesnt prefer one way or the other, he enjoys casual hookups as much as he does more emotional and vulnerable intimate nights with his boyfriends. 🔥 : What’s a surefire way to make your OC get flustered?

probably being very blunt and crass. like not even flirting just like just . you know, just completely no smoothness nothing just going right for the throat metaphorically and maybe literally (like no teasing no nothing just outright desire). it really trips up his game and makes him not really able to counter in a way thats productive and leaves him just kinda like ummmm o/////o... 🧸 : Into public displays of affection or are they more reserved?

oh abel LOVES pda. he loves kissing and holding hands and being sickly sweet in public. he also apparently after taking a look at his nsfw preferences page on toyhouse enjoys other stuff publically as well. so yeah. not reserved in the slightest. 💌 : How would they plan a romantic evening for a significant other?

oh he plans this shit way in advance and has probably several little romantic ideas lined up when he dates someone. sometimes its because he wants to do them and sometimes its bc his partner has mentioned them wanting to do something and so he takes it into account for a future romantic evening. however, this isnt to say he like suprises them or anything, he typically discusses it with them quite a bit in advance before they do anything 💐 : What is their courting style? How would they woo someone?

mostly flirting and doing extreme calculations to see if the person is returning any kind of response even if unconscious. outside of that he does not do anything <3 moreso if they give him no real response to any flirting. however if they do he just dials up the meter and will maybe even invite them over!! 👙 : What kind of underwear do they use? Is it pretty or functional?

Abel wears tighty whiteys, briefs that keep everything in nicely, much more functional than it is pretty but he does make sure not to mess them up or anything and to replace them if theyre looking a little worn. hes a bit vain in that way lol

for vicky:

👀 : Does your OC believe they are attractive? Do they use that to their advantage?

i dont think vicky thinks hes attractive deep down but boys got issues so you know hes deeply projecting that he thinks hes soooo hot and awesome and epic. he'd be so embarrassed if people made fuckin . fancams of him (in a modern au) but he'd play it off like ahhh of course smile, im so hot ofc people want me. also he does use this swagger tthat he projects to his advantage, especially if he detects that a girl is into him (unfortunately this ONLY will happen if its a woman bc if a man is into him at all he will just melt into a puddle)

💌 : How would they plan a romantic evening for a significant other?

see. i dont . think he would. bc i think fundamentally vicky is a bit nervous to fuck everything up. see but thats only with people he really cares about. this is probably how you can tell youre more of a casual hookup with vicky honestly is that he doesnt worry and actually tries to do a romantic evening with you instead of just being sooooo nervous that hes gonna mess smth up and make u hate him forever. anyway real answer for people he doesnt care about and plans these things for: he will make sure its a nice suprise and try to do the most stereotypically romantic things imaginable. heart shaped stuff, things in red, rose petals, etc, the type of stuff that only would really happen or be used in valentines day commercials and romance movies. bc thats what he thinks a romantic evening is :) <- guy who has never had a genuine connection bc he has . been going out w women performatively his whole life.

[icharchivist]

hello icha!! i finally got around to finishing the stranger haha,, by which i mean i just watched it today. was veryyyy excited for it as i really like the poster design for this one. anyways. this event starting w/ the sort of portrait format or whatever / that narration is like. god. threw me right back to autumn troupe. I kind of love that the storytelling format itself is so distinct for autumn! the moment I realized it was omi I started getting teary… like oh man oh man… omi…. And the connection with him taking photos! ahh!! now that I think about it… omi kind of seems a bit like early version tsumugi, huh? also I keep forgetting this man is a college student lol. suspension of disbelief I suppose. onto the play i think like. mankai should invest in a fainting courch for tsuzuru. i also went to watch the play and 1) im betting yuki had a hell of a time costume design wise like the vines on the body? such fun costuming wise and 2) the ethical implications of whatever this play has,,, fun fun. tsuzuru was clearly having some kind of thoughts. i love zeros design and am always up for a3 characters crossdressing bc 1) i think its fun and 2) the costume design. i also dearly wish this whole thing was animated bc I feel like it’d be o fun to see taichi act as zero. or at least I hope this event gets full voiced one day... moving on to the scene where omi adds soy sauce to the paella I know it’s just like haha homare funny so lets five him a lil bit but like everyone in autumn troupe making their comments on the paella and like homare just jumping in. homare autumn troupe besties. just thinking. also the way they just r like. no no no omi it’s fine if u made a mistake!! it’s ok! we like it (you) anyways <3 it’s got it’s own special taste. something something omi’s perfectly pleasant as he is now but even if he weren’t on his a-game and was dealing with all of the biker gang stuff they would love him just as hard. another thing that got me was omi telling banri that he’ll give him something sweet so juza will stop grinding his teeth in his sleep… guys… guys you’ll give him cavities…. mb omi is a college student after all lol.

anyways when i saw the actual costumes. appreciative of them, i like the lil circuit-esque detailing on banri’s outfit, and that sakyo and taichi (nine and zero) both share that like collar detail? its very symbolic and probably also literal but its a nice way to sort of signify their relation to each other visually! also sakyo just looks nice. seeing him without glasses is so great. whoever thought up the like two mole detail for him was doing gods work.

something that confused me was ryo mistaking juza for nachi for a split second? like. does juza… look similar to nachi? or was it just that ryo only heard juzas voice and made that mistake. if it’s appearance wise too. kumon nachi confirmed. I’m joking lol bc I feel like I would’ve heard at least something abt it in one of the like small conversation comments, plus that doesnt seem like itd fit summer troupes style and kumon is for sure the wrong age… but still.

i really like how for this event, the roles for taichi and omi were kinda reversed. and taichis just so like. idk. smiley. rly lifts ur spirits. its kind of nice how this event contrasts to that cg where taichi is crying on omi. I also think like. idk. considering the story of the stranger. wolf gives zero a sense of purpose and life and I think that zero helps wolf lose his apathy. it’s about “the stranger��� and the ending makes him like… not a stranger, right? because he’s got a companion. in the same way, taichi brings omi out of his emotional isolation. the picture taking! also the stickers coming back… thats such a good setup! the found family of it all!!

when he was trying to work out zeros character as soon as taichi mentioned a sharp speaking style I KNEW it was Yuki… yuki would never be as honest as zero is though lol… to me i imagine she’s got a sort of juza internal monologue feel? anyways. the taichi yuki dynamic intrigues me. havent yet decided how I feel abt it but when I do… yes. sorry that I make literally no sense. I think it’s very obvious that yuki is my fav chara kind of? I’m just. hmmm it makes me think! I’ve been monologuing to myself abt the yuki and juza dynamic lately which, to my a3 knowledge so far, doesn’t exist, but its ok bc I’ll make it exist! uhhh anyways this event was very good i liked the pacing. i think it didnt drag too hard and it really properly honed in on just omi and taichi, which was quite nice. they really did a lot for just an event!

time to listen to the event song,,, ok so. ah. i rly enjoyed just for myself it was very much to my taste so. out of curiousity i was like ok lemme look up the composer / producer AND IT WAS YUYOYUPPE....... that guy is like!!!! one of my FAV producers ever!!!!!! i know him from like. his vocaloid days and god leia is still one of my fav songs to this day...! this knowledge gives me so much joy omg!!! like wow!! wowwww!!! like i knew yuyoyuppe was out there doing other stuff (i know he worked on a lot of babymetal music which is cool) but like idk. to suddenly encounter it like this. heheh.... its so nice! made me soooo happy. going to relisten to leia now haha

WAIT ONE MORE THING. i was like "haha let me look at other songs i remember liking a lot" which. for me was rakuen oasis and don't cry. anyways. rakuen oasis is ALSO by yuyoyuppe???? oh my god!!! oh my god... sigh. feel like im in heaven.

OH HI FRIEND!! so good to see you with an a3 update!! :D

godd yeah The Stranger started so strongly and the idea to still incorporate portraits in his story was really something to make us cry!

And linking Omi and Tsumugi like this is pretty interesting :O <hat is your reasoning exactly? :O

For the fainting couch for Tsuzuru LMAO and i'm letting you know there's a webcomics that addresses it in Act 2 (hough there's no spoilers aside from the fact Chikage is here)

Im glad you liked the costume and the play!!! yeah i love the designs and it is always a blast to see them this into it, and yeaaah Tsuzuru has thoughts huh. It'll get voiced sooner than later hopefully and there we'll see more in details :3c but also that's what made the seiyuu live so fun bc they perform the songs in play cosplay and replay a bit of the play everytime and it's *chief kiss*

HOMARE AUTUMN TROUPE SOLIDARITY YES. LOVING IT.

And yeah the scene itself was so cute TwT they all want to reassure Omi and be there for him it's so sweet :( but yeah i love how you say it all, Omiimi TwT

and dLKFJDFLKJFDFD Giving Juza cavities is the price to pay for sleep i guess??

yeah agreed on the costume they all look so cool! and nice catch on how those three seem linked like that with their costumes, Yuki (and the designers) does such a good job! and god yeah for Sakyo.. yeah. He has sucha good design dLKJFDF

aND DLKFJD yeah no Juza is supposed to look like Nachi physically, but mostly his face? like i think Nachi was had green hair? we see a sprite of him in a future story, and yeah, everything is in the eyebrows. so Kumon should be safe? Omi mentions he sees a lot of Nachi in Juza, and while it is mostly due to their passions i think, the fact they're also rough looking guy with a heart of gold must play a part as well. but yeah, he does look like Nachi a bit.

and i love your deeper analysis of the event yeah!!

I feel like Taichi is really an emotional core of the troupe in the sense that is, he tends to catch on what others are feelings easily. And he uses it in the early chapters to ease off the tensions and stuff, but he was being held back by knowing he was deceiving them. So now that he's more free, he can be more of himself. but yeah i also love the contrast with how Omi was the one to help Taichi through his breakdown and guilt, and now it's the other way around, it's Taichi helping him through it. and the parallelism between the play and their dynamic is spot on imo! well said!!

and god yeah the sticker things made me cry sO HARD, and the pictures! and everything!! sobs it's such a sweet found family i'm going to cry :(

And! i love what you say about Yuki, Taichi and Juza on this one. I love that Taichi keeps bringing it back to "that childhood friend" and it's always like. so obvious who it is for us rip. But it can make you wonder if Yuki was more honest as a kiddo when Taichi knew him, though now he's clearly not. I love the mention of how Zero is more like Juza's internal speech (which, if anything is another argument about why you should let Juza wear a dress, cOWARD)

but also your mention of the Yuki and Juza thing, while i can't think of them having a dynamic per se yet, but i actually wrote a post during my reread about how i was baffled at the fact they treated Muku the same way?? like both of them tried to push Muku away because they were scared of how people would react if they say pure, sweet Muku was associated to them. And i find it fascinating because i guess those two are pretty aware of how the world see them, and it used to stop them from fully allowing them to be themselves.

I also find it relevant with the fact Yuki says in his personal song that while all of this way people judge him weight on him, he rather be himself, and "I want to love myself". Meanwhile we have Juza who's also aware of the way people judge him and it weight on him, and he wants to change himself from this person he hates, this self loathing - and in a way, he can grow in a way to be "someone" he may not hate, even on stage. I feel like those two have quite a bit in common in this way of being rejected by their peers in some sort of way.

I really want them to share some stuff at some point because there's really a groundwork on it all :(

But i'm really glad you liked that event!! agreed on the pacing and i do love what it brings to the characters! it really fleshes them out and have them move forward a little and it's pretty sweet.

AND OMG THAT'S SO COOL FOR THE SONG!! i'm so glad you liked it, but that's incredible it turned out to be from one of your fav producer!!! ahah sometimes life is like that where you end up finding the stuff you loved back into new stuff! and the fact Rakuen Oasis was from him as well... that's so cool!!! just, so so cool!

im pretty sure he has more songs going forward so i hope you'll enjoy the ride even more!!

thank you once again for sharing your thoughts about a3 :3c it always makes me so happy to see them!!!

Thank youu <3 have a good day :3c

[youdothetalking]

HEY.. the rant about s5.. im askin

its a very bad way to conclude a podcast overall so heres literally all the reasons y.

also disclaimer to all of my tma mutuals these r my OPINIONS n if u say that they rnt true ur 100% right god bless.

⚠️SPOILERS BTWWWW ⚠️

anyways.

1. theres no drama or diversity to the statements like there was before. each statement was unique n different n if u described an episode to me id probably b able to say OH I RMBR THAT ONE !!! thats not the case with this szn

2. I HATE THIS PLOT DEVICE SO MUCH. ITS THE SAME THING AS KILLING OFF CHARACTERS JUST TO BRING THEM BACK. y start the apocalypse just to smite the guy who tricked u into starting it ??? wouldnt it b much more interesting to watch jm learn to adapt than to try to change it ?? id love to know new life in hell !! id love it !! speaking of which

3. JONNY DOESNT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH HIS WELL WRITTEN CHARACTERS. [allegedly.] i hate jon as a protagonist bc i find him DREADFUL n martin has been nothing but another name to me [tho he does have his moments. hes a very funny character.] BUT GEORGIE IS RIGHT. THERE. MELANIE IS RIGHT. THERE. its not the format ik to switch up narrators unless its a statement but I WANNA KNOW WHAT THE APOCALYPSE THAT FEEDS OFF OF FEAR N THAT GATHERS INFORMATION THRU HUMAN EYES is like with two characters WHO R FEARLESS N BLIND . I CANT B THE ONLY ONE RIGHT ??

4. melanies blindness btw ?? huge. huge. this is the same point. u have a disabled character who hasnt given a single fuck since she was first introduced n u sideline her ?? the only canonically disabled character for miles n jon doesnt know where she is ?? an all seeing being doesnt know whats going on with a real live living breathing human person ?? tell me that isnt a cop out rn istg

5. i dont go to new episodes wanting to know how all of this ties up, im sitting there wishing smth cool would happen. when jon first smited the not!them THAT WAS AMAZING. RADICAL. THE ONLY EXCITING THING THAT HAD HAPPENED SO FAR. n then everything turned boring again. martins lonely episode ?? boring. meeting basira ??? BORINGNFJDJ PLSS I DONT CARE ABT THE HUNT JUST MAKE SMTH HAPPEN JONNY I BEG

6. the umbrella was kind of funny actually ngl but also jons getting annoying. i nvr rlly liked him n all of my hcs r god tier but yall better call me the most patient bitch the way i put up with him for 4 szns. n now hes an all knowing smart ass who i want to punch in the face everytime he speaks.

7. SPEAKING OF. JON IS A FUCKING COWARD. Y DIDNT HE SQUARE UP WITH SIMON RIGHT THEM N THERE. FUCK JONS LITTLE WEAK BABIE ASS HE HASNT THROWN A SINGLE PUNCH THE WHOLE SHOW

anyways yea so im not a fan of szn five. SZN THREE THO ?? LETS GET INTO IT !!

[tamiddyinyourcity]

Emotional check-in!

1:27pm, Thursday, December 12th of 2019.

I still think Patrick is a fucking idiot.

So I'm not eating; my body refuses to eat.

It's either due to stress about the whole thing, or my period isnt allowing me.

But everything I can even think of to put past my lips disgust me.

Just like how my ex boyfriend disgusts me.

Me trying to befriend and get a fresh start with his close best friend who hates me over old shit that no one fucking cars about -> Azalea somehow finding a way to snap at Patrick for having the AUDACITY to talk to me like a fucking normal person would to their girlfriend about their problems, and barring him from talking to me about her, while also refusing to message me back online and still claiming she hates me.

That is so..... insecure of her.

And even worse if my boyfriend actually agrees to her wishes, and not mine.

Her wishes: to talk shit about me, my tweets, and to not ever meet me but to still keep insulting me to him over nothing

My wishes: to actually meet Azalea, have a fresh clean start, and potentially befriend her, as opposed to feeling nervous at the idea of those two hanging out solo, from her blatantly hating me over super old stuff.

Him: hmm.... sorry Tamia, it would be unfair to Azalea to not respect her confidentiality and what about you upsets her! Also, i still plan to see her whenever and wherever I want.

Me: i dont want to date someone who openly has friends who hate me, and won't stand up for me to show they value me just as much as you do her. I dont think i wanna see you anymore.

Patrick: *surprised pikachu face*

.....

The more I think about it, the more I really want to picture him crying over the relationship. I hope he does. He's already pussy enough, so, crying wouldnt be any sort of new low that he hasnt reached in terms of being fucking pathetic.

And still seeing red over him saying that I was the one who "ended it over some dumb shit i shouldn't have cared about"....

Oh I'm sorry, was I the girl who hates your girlfriend over sending you a M E M E ?

I would have NEVER fucking dumped him last night if he wasn't such a coward, and didn't obviously prioritize that bitch over me, to the point of treating me like an idiot for not wanting such a toxic and controlling bitch to make demands of what *i* can do with *my* man....

Hell, I wasnt even banning him from seeing that bitch, he just acted like a twat over nothing. Imagine u tell ur bf "hey it makes me feel uneasy knowing someone who hates me is spending alone time late at night with you", and nigga goes "well, imma still do it so...."

.....and he had the nerve to act so appalled.

Fuck everything about him.

Fuck his big ass glasses. Fuck his receding hairline. Fuck his terribly tiny teeth and creepy doll like smile. Fuck his oddly feminine figure. Fuck his inability to stay hard. Fuck his know-it-all actions. Fuck his bland ass cereal, fuck his doormat-like behavior.

Fuck him.

I gave a guy a chance, and lo and behold, he doesnt take it.... Who gets shocked that their girlfriend dumps them for enabling their shitty friend's toxic ass behavior towards girlfriend?

That's like being surprised when you're a security guard working for the President, but you get fired, since your best friend is an assassin trying to take down government officials, just for pure shits and giggles.

I cant say i regret it.

I was so serious about it, and, yeah i wasnt gonna let him talk down to me about it.....

He will live. He can go back to watching PornHub, and as we all know, he's just gonna continue the cycle of working, staying at home, or texting friends who never check in on him.... nonstop. He likes monotonous things, and I'm simply giving him the freedom that he so obviously wanted.

And if anything, I lose more. No more fun chaffeur rides to the drive thru unless I cough up money for an uber. More often than not will be at home and not shacked up in his bed or some shit.

And itll be hard.

....I'm still upset, obviously. We had plenty of things in common. And just.... shit was so wack that it had to turn out this way. But he wasnt talking it out, and I wasnt gonna let some fuckass dude sweet talk me into being 100% okay with him hanging out with supposed "enemies"..... yikes.

I did really like his eyes. And the way he didny exactly know how to open up, but when he did, it was refreshing as hell. Shoulders relaxed, all cuddley, legs on his lap, cute shit. Face kissing first thing in the morning, bomb wakeup sex some mornings with him.

And all of that is gone, since I didnt matter at all to him. If he showed me i did, then this never would have happened....

God, it was like trying to get blood from a rock to even have him tell me a basic fucking compliment most days.

.....still, I liked him. And ill miss him.

I know damn well I'm never gonna fucking apologize of course. For what, putting a girl in her place and telling her to mind her damn business? Leaving him for treating me as second rank to someone else? Fuck that, lmfao. cry me a mother fucking river.

It really was the Matty situation all over again..... relationships have no meaning whatsoever.

"Please, please, please, let me......."

I just want to hold him honestly, but no way in fucking hell is it worth disrespect.

I question if I went too far, but we all know this was gonna end the same fucking way. He wouldnt make an effort to have us meet or bond, she'd be an asshole, you get the gist. Fucking asshole.

....alright.

I'll just.... find a way. I always do. I'll miss Scully and his parents, and his neighborhood, but now id probably want to vomit even passing by on a bus there.....

I guess I'll just write here, to cope or something. Itll pass.....

Anyways, my ex is coming into town Sunday. I don't even care about my ex anymore, its a little sad I guess.

I kinda 100% cut off my ex and went for Patrick for a reason; Patrick actually seemed to put in an effort with me, and my ex was obviously just having his own complications. (Wanting to be with me, but still laying with any girl that had come his way....)

And here we are. Past all the moments that actually made me seriously start liking Patrick. The ice skating at Union Square, music playing on BART rides, late night car sitting moments, listening to funk music

-- 2:08pm. Had to go wash my face, started crying. Probably will again, but its necessary for the healing process.....

Listening to funk music while checking out the view of the city skyline, all that.

Its not exactly gone, but the moments are just things that will no longer happen again.

Ah well.

I did really like sitting on the roof of his car and listening to music with him as we saw several shooting stars.

10/10 hangout idea.

Why did such a lovely person have to turn out so naive about things? Its just terrible.

And now that that relationship is over, its the ever so awkwardly impending fear of "so, what happens next from here?"

....apparently reconnecting with XPatrick is one, at least for the sake of a distraction i suppose.

XPatrick isnt a bad guy, I still like him..... Cried the last few times we talked or met up, of course.

It's either gonna be:

We make out, hook up, and part ways again, which works as a rebound, but fails as me trying to not use sex as a coping mechanism for a failed relationship

Its awkward

It ends up being a perfectly platonic and caring relationship dynamic

....okay.

.....not sure how i feel, but i should go easier on myself man. Its been less than 24 hours, and the first hour literally consisted of me texting shit to Azalea, and otherwise making a vent video about how terrible the situation was.

I still like Patrick, and thats valid. Its just not something I think he would be willing to work through, and well, cursing out his friend and tweeting about how much I resent him online probably solidifies the idea of never healing from shit.

And I like XPatrick, even if not the same as before. I shouldn't degrade him, since he was just as sad to leave me before, and, not all went as planned for us I guess.

.....anyway.

Would I be friends with Patrick?

Maybe. But distant friends. Like seeing a movie or something, but otherwise i could definitely not be around him long.

.....gotta stop writing so much.

Its been less than a day since it happened. Chill out some, these are big questions that cant be answered right now.

The rage is subsiding ever so slightly....

Just a sort of somber wave is coming in this time.

....

I called him about some fireworks i handed him at the beginning of our last date.

The date seemed cool, but like.... the whole night did a 180 once that fucking conversation had happened.

And if he wants to give them back, then i guess i better be mentally strong enough for, idk, him tossing them on the ground in front of me before he drives away. (Like Matty was like before, lmfao.)

Or no response at all...... thats fine. I've got my reasons to be pissed, (a feeling of worthlessness and some mild betrayal,) and hes got his own too. (Cursing out his friend, and then promptly blocking him everywhere, aaaand making tweets about how much i hate him.... unless he didnt see those. But eh, the desired effect was doing something atrocious to make sure i dont get contacted, and well.... to stop me from going back to something that would just keep on repeatedly hurting me, or my trust in him, in the long run.)

.....okay.

2:29pm, I miss him, but only since I'm bored and a liiiittle desperate. And overthinking good times. Im pretty sure he doesnt have a solution, and im not in the mood to force solutions in a relationship, so i guess im just gonna deal with going solo these days i guess...

Idk how to feel.

And you sick fuck, if youre reading this, then..... idk. Dont be weird or something, you were plenty weird last night, and all these thoughts of how things went are cringe.

.....i wonder how he reacted to me calling him. Did it make him mad, anxious, upset?

If i end up still loving this prick then i swear to god im going to fucking die

NOTE TO SELF: STOP CARING. HE WAS IN THE WRONG, AND YOU DID WHAT HE COULDNT. Go back to listening to music.

[y01te-moved]

🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻

i almost cant even count how many this is but im doing every single one anyways and you cant stop me despite the fact that this obviously took me ages to actually answer

1: if ur reading this ur legally obligated to follow max (sender of this ask) Right Now. Just Do It.

2: i think more ppl with my sense of humor should watch Spider Riders bc listen..  if somewhere along the line that show suddenly gained more popularity again in this fine year of 2019 id be both actually funny for once but also revolutionary. by all technicalities some of my hcs are fucking great but i dont think i could say a lot of them and even be comprehensible outside of orientation based ones that are just rlly controversial. granted im not even sure i could or would actually recommend the show to people cause its kinda dumb a lot of the time and also fairly long at least to my standards so its harder to finish unless ur like really invested in it :pensive:

3: also on that note the next time a horny person even THINKS about Corona im Going to break into their home and then break their knees. i hate that she has so much fanart thats basically just fetish art or otherwise managing to be nsfw in some way shes like 15 at best fuck off!! its rlly only a problem on like. deviantart but it still makes me die inside.

4: character development is hard i never actually keep my ideas and what i have written down on like.  my actual bios for everyone on the same pace so its a confusing mess and i wish i was better at combating that

5: anon and kanon r such good loids i wish people used them more but i think a part of the problem is that i dont always look That hard for things that use them ahdbsadgashdj

6: alex is the best sdv bachelor and im not accepting criticism on that notion. 2nd best would probably be like..  sam except i havent tried hard enough to be friends with him yet which i feel bad abt bc he seems nice

7: i miss the cracking open a cold one with the boys meme that was still one of my favorites

8: (goes BACK to thinking about SR shdfjds) the anime had no right having like so many characters base their ideals off of how brade used to be in the past and all those good takes on like not necessarily Having to resort to violence as the ultimate solution and all that good stuff just to be like, “surprise!! he actually IS still around! but also he’s going to be minimally helpful at all until the last few episodes and otherwise we’re going to make a ton of gags about him trying to hit on the like 2 girls in the team who are also like 15 while he ignores practically everyone else because thats funny!” im still so mad about it. he is the absolute worst and he has no rights. there was also so much potential they seemed like they could have used and were trying to hint at using in terms of further developing more important details about the history of the inner world or at least some of the things that had been going on well before hunter ever showed up and then they didn’t do anything but hint at the idea of brade having known hunter’s grandfather. but even that wasn’t 100% confirmed bc they dodged around it the one time they had hunter ask. its a mess.

9: my taste is so fucking weird and i hate it bc its mostly just, “oh yeah i heard abt this thing and it seems cool im hoping to start getting into it soon!” for most things that are actually cool or popular or all that and never actually get into it, but then i see smth dumb as shit that i know would probably make me look like an absolute fool for liking and im like, “oh yeah yknow what i can do this one” and then i do like it but i cant say much about it either cause i dont wanna look like.   a fool.

10: these have been depressing as fuck so im gonna lighten the mood and say that himbo is a fucking hilarious word and i love it

11: also axel (kh) is a himbo. why? he just is.

12: im also bad at character design i think bc i always worry that my characters look too similar in terms of hair style like all the time and idk if its rlly that bad or not jfhgkf.  that and like. so many of my characters just wear jeans and boots in terms of the lower half of their body its so unoriginal but it always works so well…

13: still disappointed in myself for having never 100%’d even 1 tlodw game. lunatic mode.. Difficult

14: i dont keep up with ace attorney fans but i hope everyone out there agrees that miles has peak vampire energies based on the way he dresses alone

15: re:zero fans have no rights only bc i only ever see ppl talking abt rem and ram like. wh..   was no one ever going to tell me about reinhard or was i just supposed to watch him get introduced in the first few eps and then fall in love w/him immediately before even finding out hes supposed to be a knight which makes him 20x better

16: leon and/or leonhart is like genuinely a good name idk why it just sounds rlly nice

17: ive had like so many technical difficulties with this site since trying to answer this i hate tumblr

18: im pretty sure im like. genuinely just gonna go mute or some shit one day cause honestly ive mostly only ever gotten worse and worse about not actually being able to say things even when i know exactly what thought im trying to say, both physically and like. online. its so weird i feel like i just cant say things. it may just be being self conscious but i restrict myself soo heavily and its WEIRD….  its like being trapped in ur thoughts and it sucks.  probably doesnt even actually mean all that much but it still makes it hard for me to accomplish anything ever which i hate.

19: despite all the titles like ssbu and all that existing for the switch i think id only want one to play the new(er) inside system games i havent had the chance to yet like the spinoff card game and rudymical and also brave dungeon but w/neville and klinsy and whoever else was dlc on that game cause obviously i own the 3ds port but also neville..  good…  i wanna see how she plays..

20: i miss when i could be passionate abt cave story it just makes me feel tired seeing it sometimes at this point but it also still holds a great significance to me so its just confusing and im not sure how i feel abt it

21: the SR novels were cowards only on account of not giving us any official design for petra but also for writing igneous like.  That.  novelverse igneous is just too bitter in general and like i get it but they couldve done a lot more with him even though he is still somewhat respectable in the end, granted its hard cause like holy shit hes so fucking mean to hunter literally who asked for that. im just glad the anime let him be somewhat more idk..  i guess sociable while still keeping a lot of the inherently essential aspects his personality had like his almost over the top loyalty to the prince and taking things like training/combat in general very seriously. its just good and animeverse igneous is so good id die for him thanks for coming to my tedtalk

[moldypieceoflasagna]

36 questions that nobody asked me

(except @lollipoppedchainsaw )

(the 36 questions that lead to love or whatever) https://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

I hate going out to dinner so much i probably wouldnt be able to enjoy it properly

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

It would be interesting to see what it’s like for a short period of time, but i’d never be able to keep it up; i’d probably have an identity crisis

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

yes i have to mentally prepare myself 100% of the time

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

hanging out with the people i love is enough to keep me happy for a good while tbh. sitting around doing nothing literally nothing with them is endlessly entertaining to me even though sometimes i might make that hard to believe 

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

i sing to myself a lot, not so much to others- although i AM a slut for karaoke

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

body because i feel thats probably what old people complain about most. plus like,, 90 years of life knowledge? sounds great to me

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

probably an accident that’s almost statistically impossible

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

single rn (ladies) but i usually try to find friends with similar music tastes because scream-singing in the car is the most fun one can have

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

im most grateful for my dogs and for my friends! i love them and it means the world to me to have people that i can call family. also i would die without my dog juno, she is my rock (and my therapist)

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

Not rly how i was raised, but i wish i had a closer relationship with my older siblings. Three of them had moved out before i was rly old enough to not be an asshole child, so most of them still see me as an asshole child and they never take me seriously. im glad i have an alright relationship with them, but that’s kinda all it is and i know i could do better

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

Lived in Texas my whole life yeehaw. I have 2 brothers and 2 sisters; 2 of them dont like me, and my relationship with the other 2 is,, certainly not bad. Had a lot of physical and mental illness in the past, but 20gayteen is definitely my year, yeet

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

either speaking a different language or playing the piano. im very jealous of good piano players, and at some point i need to be able to speak a more useful language than french because so far in texas it’s proved absolutely useless (other than talking to my mom but that doesnt count)

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

I’d wanna know wtf im supposed to do with my life because sweaty i still have no idea. passion? dont know her please introduce me

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

i wanna go skydiving bitch, no one wants to go with me! pussies!!! the lot of you

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

that one time i did an entire semester’s worth of work in the last three days of the school year

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

being able to put up with my huge fucking mouth. also honesty is super important, even if it’ll make me feel shitty

17. What is your most treasured memory?

when i went camping with a bunch of friends and they were bitter i got to be in the middle of the tent because they were all cold. either that or the time i was getting really bad sleep paralysis and @lonelywaterfall & @skity stayed over so my paranoia didnt render me completely useless,,, also the paramore concert lol ive never been more vulnerable in my life.

18. What is your most terrible memory?

coming out to my mom haha

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

i’d go on a trip around the world to explore/to see a few people, and i’d put extra effort into my gender expression

20. What does friendship mean to you?

comfortable silence is my kink. also emotional vulnerability and SAD BOY HOURS we cant forget those

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

I’m such a slut for physical affection yall have no idea please hug me as much as possible and play with my hair or my hands

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

i guess ill do the same with previous partners so.. i think being funny is probably the #1 thing i appreciate in someone. when you make me laugh so hard i cry, just know that’s like. peak. also stubbornness is strangely attractive to me, plus like,,, uh having an unexpected soft side? an appreciation of art is super important, too. also SPOON VERSATILITY.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

it was probably happier than a lot of people’s but there wasnt much to it. plus being the youngest in my ENTIRE family really sucked during my childhood because everyone picked on me and i think that’s probably what started a lot of my issues lol

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

better than it could be, but definitely not what i want it to be. we both love each other and i admire her work ethic, but she gave me a lot of anxiety problems (both genetically and not) and she isnt the most understanding person. i have hope though, people change

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling …

I’m hungry and sitting alone in front of my computer feeling like OVERSHARING ON THIS BEAUTIFUL THURSDAY MORNING, BOYS

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share …

many, MANY animals and a lighthouse in the middle of nowhere

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

I’m REALLY insecure about my body xd

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

LOVE feeling safe. 

29. Share an embarrassing moment in your life.

probably every time that i’ve ever worn a dress, because i really,, really dont like wearing dresses and that’s it

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

last cried by myself this morning and last cried in front of another person at my friend’s birthday party

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

no partner but if youre reading this im rly proud of ur attention span. gj buddy

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

i think most things can be joked about after a certain amount of time, but like,, it has to actually be funny and it has to come from someone i know isnt serious about it. if a joke is made just for the purpose of being offensive and edgy, it’s never funny no tea just truth. 

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

i’d regret not spending enough time with people that i love, not traveling as much as i should have, and also i’d regret not formally coming out of the closet to my family (they probably already been done knew but like. yknow). i came out to myself & the people closest to me a LONG ass time ago, but i’ve kinda seen what it did to my immediate family so im not too excited to do that to my extended family. if i’m not too much of a pussy, ill probably do it in the summer when i see them next, bc ive been meaning to for a while.

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

is it bad of me to say my computer? i feel like everyone else has a much more meaningful answer lol. it would probably either be that or the papers i keep on my bulletin board, bc most of them hold a lot of sentimental value (also my prescriptions  would be a pain to get copies of)

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

either of my parents because i dont want them dying before i reach the point where i can expect them to be happy for me when i marry a girl

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

personal problems? what’re those lmfao dont have any srry try me again later

 i’m too much of a pussy to tag certain people so if you see this and I've had any sort of conversation with you, do it coward

(also @skity  @drawinintherain )

[sangfearmoved]

ok you know what heck it you wanna know how soda emotes? ur gonna know how soda emotes

she doesn’t

seriously, soda........rarely expresses genuine emotion. she’s very apathetic outwardly, and she dulls her internal response as well. this is notable bc she used to be an intensely emotional person with little shame when it came to displaying those emotions --- but she just can’t afford to anymore.

soda is weak-willed. she’s a coward. she flat-out can’t cope well. the overly-emotional, angry persona she used to have was a coping mechanism, and her apathy is a coping mechanism. she is very blunt about her experiences in passing, but if you ask her to dwell on them, she will slowly degrade into a sobbing, desperate mess. she’s only defiant so that she can put a stick in her guilt complex & keep her sanity intact.

she doesnt see crying as a weakness, but she doesn’t want to open the gate to all the conflicting feelings she doesn’t have the time or emotional maturity or sanity to sort thru. like.......you can call soda legitimately insane at points, and it’s halfway true. it doesn’t take much to just...shatter her sanity, sometimes, to completely break down her inhibitions so she will do whatever she wants whenever she sees fit.

that’s why she’s terrifying. that hasn’t gone away.

quiet gets to her, introspection gets to her, but she shoves it down. she’ll sit in the rain when she wants to introspect so it wears down her skin & she has something to worry about. her emotions HAVE to reach a breaking point before she will fully cry, and then she will be a messy snotty gulping hysterical inconsolable mess.

anger is easy for her; she did it for years. that being said, she shoves it down a lot more now because she knows how violent her anger gets --- she’s been so desensitized to murder that she will pull a gun on someone if they mildly annoy her (whether or not she fires it; she’s not that bad anymore). her anger is usually cold for the above reasons, as well as the fact that she doesn’t much invest herself in other people to the point they’ll break her to the point of crying-anger. she learned that lesson, twice.

and honestly??? she treats happiness/joy as a joke, as in it’s brief and fleeting and a temporary reprieve. overall, she couldn’t tell you if she’s happy or not, because she just! doesn’t! feel enough! to know.

but like............god if those emotions aren’t there. she’s still an emotional person and doesn’t do well with being bottled up and restrained. she actively wishes she could find an excuse to emote and make people realize she’s a Real Actual Person, not just a killing machine that’s too remote to ever properly relate to outside of politics. she’s occasionally sassy when she feels like she can be, but that’s it. otherwise, all her publicity is fake, all her lines read to her.

like

i write all this bc i wanna write soda being Genuinely Emotional (tm) real bad but she has to have justification in universe bc i’m a stubborn butt

sb give me the opportunity to write a messy emotional soda, not just vaguely melancholic and tired ???

[sidncymiller]

ayyyyyy friends it’s ya boi back at it again with another caustic, indifferent fuck ( ive got a type sue me ) but this ones like... a little less (ง'̀-'́)ง  and a little more  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  ya feel ??  anyway this is gonna be quick & dirty cause i dont have the bio done yet but theres some basic stats here if ur freaky like that. also she’s more into like.... people as a whole than mal is so ( as much as i love fighting everyone ) i’d love to make some connections w the charas he doesnt interact with or is a cock to !! lol ok i’ll catch y’all under the cut pce out

she’ll answer to sidney but prefers sid (or miller if you’re one of those)

demigirl, she/her pronouns and “girl” as a descriptor are fine, but for the love of god don’t call her a Woman it makes her skin crawl

pansexual but mostly a big tease who cant Seal the Deal, possibly on the ace spectrum somewhere or maybe she just watches too much porn who knows these days

as you may have inferred from her multitude of maybe-kinda-sorta labels she is a Child Of The Internet

bad case of blue and orange morality, thanks to being born and raised right here in sunny fictumterra!! she values privacy, loyalty and free will pretty high, human life and welfare pretty low, like a good fictumterran (fictumite?)

then again she does get pretty bummed out if someone new comes to town and she Digs them and then they get turned into a lamp or hot dog or whatever,,,, weak,,,,

uh she was into gymnastics as a kid and joined the cheer squad in hs just because it seemed like exactly the thing she Wouldnt do and she’s a big ‘ol contrarian

unfortunately!!! she went partially blind in her right eye when she was sixteen and her parents poisoned her and all that time spent practicing balance and spatial aawreness and shit went right out the fckn window THANKS MOM

ok backtracking a litte

her parents were members of a pro-gun, anti-government cult before she was born and got caught up in a teensy little federal building bombing and had to hightail it to FT when one of their compatriots ( fckn coward ) flipped on the group, under the advisement of their Supreme Leader

lets call him Shmavid Shmoresh

he told them to await further instructions, so they set up shop in FT and waited. since they were natural born sheeple, they acclimated to the way of life pretty quickly, and when sid was born she was brought up under the town’s value system, and now im repeating myself

ANYWAY they didn’t hear from the group until sixteen years later when Shmavid was about to be executed and announced that it was time for everyone to Ascend or whatever

so, good followers they were, they made their evening tea and laced it w rat poison and waited for the sweet chariot to swing low

unfortunately they fucked up on sid’s dosage and she survived, though, as mentioned, the poison did fuck with her cortical vision, as well as giving her an exceptionally sensitive stomach

basically she can’t eat too much or anything too rich or spicy bc her stomach linings all fucked, lots of broths and and rice and stuff, everything else comes back up, ya girl got v skinny and has mixed feelings bout that

uhhhh shes like constantly eating sugar tho, usually bubble gum, sometimes suckers or slushies. shes not supposed to but it doesnt make her puke and if she doesn’t see an immediate consequence she doesnt care ALSO she doesnt appreciate your oral fixation jokes i mean youre probably right but get some new material ok

also she still drives??? she refuses to accept that shes blind (ish, too blind to drive, ever heard of anton-babinski syndrome?) and regularly scratches or dents other peoples cars and leaves a note that says like ‘oops’ on their windshield or whatever, she loves driving you cant take it from her get fucked

her own car is a pinto thats so dinged up its basically round at this point

when her parents died there was some contention as to where she was gonna live when she got out of the hospital (not like anyone was gonna call state-run social services) so she ended up being temporarily placed in a pink flamingo room and is..... still there.....

at this point its her place she brought in her own bedding and taped pictures to the wall and installed like 40 locks on the door ok TRY to get her to leave

she works at food world to pay the (internet) bills, but her REAL job (as far as shes concerned) is running her blog ‘memoirs from murderville’ (she was a teen when she named it ok she KNOWS its dumb but she cant change it now cause fckn #branding. trust her, she hates it more than you do)

its essentially a diary that she writes under the name jim sheldon (an homage to the badass author alice sheldon, who wrote under the pseudonym james tiptree jr) about her life and daily experiences in FT with all the names and relevant details and such changed

it started as a stupid joke (and a way for her to disassociate!!! holla) when she was in high school, but then it got a shout-out on some true crime podcast, and then it was in some buzzfeed article, and shit spiraled out from there

everyone assumes its an elaborate piece of fiction and its lauded in certain communities for it’s ‘brutal authenticity’ and ‘delightfully irreverent narrator’ and ‘creative spin on unsolved crime’ and ‘disturbing satire of millennial detachment in the media age’

lol academics are so weird amirite

anyway because of her commitment to the blog she makes it a priority to get to know as many residents and visitors as she can, looking for the best content and recurring characters 

shes kind of a dick and definitely a shit head but she really, genuinely does care about people’s stories (even if she doesn’t care much about most people themselves)

is she a killer??? no. well, maybe. she could be persuaded, probably. for the experience. maybe she’d like it who knows not me

does she have a death wish??? no. well, maybe. a little bit. she certainly values a good story more than she does her own dumb mortality. if it comes down to boring or dead, she’d pick dead :)

ok this got a lot longer than i thought !!! soml !!! if you read all this stream of consciousness nonsense ur an angel thank you !!!

as far as connections and such i would LOVE unknowing subjects/recurring characters in her blog, knowing subjects of her blog who love the attention, friends??? (what a concept lol), OH someone who deeply disapproves of the blog and finds it trivializing??? dangerous??? idk whatever theres lots of reasons to hate it??? maybe they wanna take it down???, LONG TIME RESIDENTS WHOVE KNOWN HER SINCE SHE WAS A KID, maybe someone who took up a parental mantle after her parents fucked off to the great gig in the sky??, uh maybe an ex or ex-friend who was disconcerted by her constant need for action and danger and bailed OR the opposite, one who pushed her a little too far and she had to bail??

idk man the possibilities are endless hmu love yall