#uploading this for myself idgaf

[kerryweaverlesbian]

2024, cawis created...

My annual self-review!! Yippee! My fics uploaded to ao3 was WAY WAY lower than previous years (2022 and 2023) which is not for lack of thinking about supernatural, but because I was doing a Masters for most of the year lol. Still, 28,816 words over 12 fics is nothing to sniff at! And that again doesn't include things only on tumblr or my many, many, many works in progress!

I will discuss the fics I posts, and then I will discuss all the projects I did for my Publishing Masters as a part 2 because I worked damn hard on them and this is a space for my personal reflection regardless of if anyone else can access them! But if you are interested in any of them and we've communicated before I'll send you them if I can lol <3 Let's go!!

The Year Of Small Relationships

Something about these little guys really compelled me this year.

Saint of the Smallest Sun Becky/Ambriel Becky thinks Ambriel is going to save her from the Apocalypse. Ambriel just wants to be left alone. The first time Ambriel came to earth, it was new, and fresh, and innocent. Ambriel had stepped into a pile of rotting fruit with her vessel's bare foot, and decided not to come again if she could help it.

When you eroticise the divine 🥳

Due to the continued blessings of the sapphicnatural community, I thought about women SO much last year. I sent a LOT of anon prompts to @spntoxicfemslashevent (honestly if I counted those asks as fics it might have pushed my wordcount up by another thousand lmao) but one of them in particular I held on to was this one!

I've talked about the writing process for this one a little already with my process of developing small characters but I have more silly things to say about it - I used some of Becky's ranting dialogue to slip in some playful digs at spnblr/general fandom discourse:

"Not that there's anything wrong with girls - I - I was such a big fan of Jo! You know, after it was clear she wasn't going to be a threat to the brother's relationship."  "The Michael/Lucifer angel stuff was never really my bag, I thought it was better when the boys were doing thematically resonant creature-features" "I mean, Sam, Sam Winchester. It's the [fake ID] where he lists his sex as female and his name as Sam Vincente - which, obviously, the coding...a boy wants what a boy wants, and sometimes that's a man in leather pants."

There are few things I enjoy more in the world than making up fandom discourse. I hold in my brain the knowledge of how every kind of fan would respond to any situation, including if you're in the Apocalypse and the most annoying forum mod you've seen in your entire life won't shut the fuck up about her angel OC that she CLAIMS is from Carver Edlund's later notes as if THOSE are canon. I really enjoyed writing Becky in this one, fully embracing the cringe of extreme fangirlism and digging into the feelings behind it (isolation, a desire for guidance, safely imagined eroticism, guarding yourself from shame however you can). I should put her in more things!

When shall we live, if not now? Daphne Allen and Emmanuel!Cas Daphne Allen's new husband asks too many questions. She tries her absolute best to ignore the answers.

Look at how efficient and compelling that blurb is. Chef's kiss. This one is about shutting down curiosity about yourself because of fear of what you might find (the fact that you might enjoy being masc!!!). I really like this one. I really like all of them lmao but I even more really like this one. """Daphne""" is longing but if "she" starts opening those doors, who knows what might come out. Not for nothing, this was the year I started introducing myself as a different name to more than just my LGBT groups ;P and everyone has been normal about it! Aside from one drunk guy but he was only mildly derisive lol idgaf

The Misplaced Stitch Jack and Castiel A brief look at Jack's taut relationship with being treated as a precious object.

Jack and Cas aren't exactly a minor relationship as such but. also they kind of are. they're nowhere near as explored in canon as I thought they were going to be! I place this one and When Shall We Live in the same mental category. Insular characters prompted to reflection by the confusing actions of Castiel, without him meaning to do this (lol). I love when I can twist an objectively nice and kindly meant statement from one character ("You are precious to me :)") into something that feels like a confirmation of the other character's worst thoughts about their relationship ("I will not be granted closeness unless I conform to his ideals of me"). My thoughts on Jack are very much influenced by @shallowseeker's and @soullessjack's thoughtful analyses of him <3

Tiger Stripes Destiel through the lens of DeanLisa Lisa asks about the handprint scar, and Dean doesn't know how to talk about Cas

I LIKE DeanLisa I think they were in love !!!! Dean's fucked up because his brother died and his new best friend bolted and Bobby starts going quiet (when Soulless!Sam turns up). You can romantically be in love with someone and it not work out. Anyway, I started getting more gorey graphic this year when describing Hell huh? I had some graphic violence in A Light Above Descending but I'm really starting to enjoy specifying it. Lol.

I do the old "there is a movie playing that is almost exactly the relationship drama that is about to unfold" in this one, with the cowboy movie.

God I was horny (positive)

I was hornier on tumblr itself but I did get some fics out about it

Don't Stop Don't Slow Destiel Cas is NOT prepared for how it overwhelming feels to have sex with the man he's in love with <3

This was based on a text post and I do NOT remember whose but I'm pretty sure I tracked it down and sent this to them eventually so it's alright. This one. Phew!! One of the writing block things I had was that I genuinely could not decide in any direction what Cas's genital situation should be but then a transmasc friend of mine mentioned that they wished there was more tdick porn on ao3 and so!!! I shrimply had to!! Shout out to anyone with a tdick. That's hot as fuck.

baby, you can drive my car deancaspala :) A loving examination of Dean's erotic feelings towards his car while he and Cas have sex in it.

I'm sooooo normal about machines you can send me gifs and videos of machines being delicately taken apart and I'll be completely unaffected and so so super normal and regular and normal. I got a really, really lovely comment on this a while ago that said it was part of the foundation of their view of transfem dean and it made me tear up :') there are other writers in this fandom who have opened similar mental doors for me!! (btw yous should all read the pain in the end is all in your memory by @explainslowly if you want to see part of myyy foundational transfem dean understanding). Dean's gender identity and lived reality is anything I feel like exploring at the time <3

Also. lol. Partly this is because I realised I haven't done "unarguably there are two cis dicks present in this sex scene" for a long time, and I like to have a diversity of writing experience!

The Meg Contingent

We gotta get her in somewhere don't we.

An Overcrowded Empty Room Meg and Sam The sampreg abortion fic

I've already talked about this one in detail here!

By Any Other Name Meg Ava Ruby What if the sadgirl demons were the main characters huh? What if Ruby was motivated in any way at all other than being an evil skank? I'll actually talk about this next year when it's complete (SURELY I'll have completed it by then...)

i guess you are good for something...2!! The Destiel Wedding!!! If you haven't read my silly meanstiel threesomes fic yet. what are you doing with your life honestly.

Another version of what this fic COULD have been was a jody POV where she's also a guest and is sniffing out the gossip of what the hell is going on between dean meg and cas BUT I missed the Meg POV and also it would suggest a furtiveness in their relationship that doesn't feel true. They're openly snogging on the dance floor and if you asked directly wtf is going on none of them could give you a straight answer. Meg would make something up, Cas would say what Meg told him to say (made up) and Dean would get flustered and tell you to butt out. There was also a potential scene of Meg smoking weed before the ceremony with Rufus but I couldn't get it to fit in the pacing lol.

Uh oh uncatagorised lonely boy

Let Me Count The Ways Dean suicidal ideation and Castiel's inability to talk to him about it

I kinda say everything I wanted to say on this one in the authors notes. Aside from! That this is a fic that spawned from starting a wip of Dean having an "I don't love you as much as you love me I can't stand to be loved so wholly" breakdown during destiel gay sex and when I got to Cas's response I couldn't make it work because I kept having Cas understand and be reassuring in a way that made sense to Dean in that moment and I was like. I gotta think about how I write Cas bc he's sooooooooo awful at advice and emotional support in canon sometimes.

END OF PART 1!

I didn't talk about two of the fics I published last year bc they're ongoing serieses that will all be little slice of life vingettes and they are what it says on the tins lol

I will repeat my reflection challenges for you from the 2023 reflection:

My challenge for you is to think about women falling in love with other women. Wow, beautiful, right? And also to think of ONE thing you did that you are proud of last year. Even and in fact especially if it's something you're not "supposed" to be proud of. Did you find something new you liked. Were you kind to someone. Were you kind to yourself when you didn't have to be. All these and more are things to take pride in.

Shout out to my friends and mutuals and to. frankly. dean winchester supernatural. MWAH.

[frogadir]

Genuine question what is it about cos that you love so much, ive been following you for years and i got into 03 lately and i'm interested to hear your perspective

Hello this is the funniest ask I've gotten in a long time so thank you I'm being 100% serious. I got several paragraphs into answering this and then I realized maybe bullet points would be fine because no one wants to read all of that

I am jewish (Very Important Context)

Due to my jewish upbringing and personal experience with spirituality I was primed to see it wherever I looked

I watched/read all three versions fma when I was 13 and became obsessed with edgelord elric due to my #emo #depressed middle schooler sensibilities

But also because he was very jewish to me. the sparknotes on this are: atheism despite having met god. tree of life on his gate of truth. also google jacob wrestling with the angel. That literally happened to edward elric. Also manga hohenheim is arguably jewish that's a different post though.

Edward elric continues to occupy my mind for the next three years

I get more depressed and jewish and also become interested in art from and about ww.i and its aftermath

Now I am age 16 and cos gets recommended to me on youtube. like someone just uploaded the entire movie

That was the one bit of fma I never got around to so I was like okay let's check it out

I watch a movie that feels like it was created in a lab to cause as much psychological damage to me as possible

I hate it but I'm 16 and obsessed with how depressed and gay edward elric looked in it and I think to myself I have to look like him and this influences the way I dress and wear my hair from that moment on

Wait edward elric (jewish) was fighting nazis (real) ???

I watch it again

Edward elric (jewish) went to weimar germany (real) in 1923 and stopped the na.zis (real) from invading the parallel world he's from on the night of a (real) (historical) failed na.zi uprising. He stays in our (real) world and it is implied he continues to not only fight na.zis (real) but advocate against the use of nuclear weapons (real)

So absurd I can't stop thinking about it

Seven years later here we are

If you asked me if I thought it was a good movie I wouldn't even be able to give you a straight answer like from a technical standpoint yes the animation is great the music is great… however there is more to a movie than just pictures and sounds… the pictures and sounds come together to tell a story… and the story here is. Well their hearts were in the right place. I think. I think it's got a generally anti-na.zi message but on a first watch it was definitely strange to see that element mixed with a fictional world in the way that it was. I hate that they tried to make us feel bad for alfons he knew what he was doing idgaf that he just wanted to build rockets 🥺 Having the roma character secretly work with the na.zis was. hmm idk about that. but holy shit am I glad they used the word roma. Making bradley's real-world doppleganger not only be jewish but a Real Life jewish man was also a choice! One thing I actually find interesting that a lot of people hate is that they made doppleganger hughes a na.zi... like in 03 they do say that those who benefit from violence and refuse to oppose it are complicit in it... dude was Just Following Orders as a soldier in a genocidal military like him being a real life na.zi makes more sense than a lot of things in cos 😭

Is there anything else I should add. The theme of dreams vs reality and what that has to do with ed's emotional journey is interesting. Winry looked awesome too. Love how al becomes ed and ed becomes their mother. Hohenheim envy chew toy was funny. I like when ed crashes the car. I like the scene where it's implied he drank himself to sleep. Lost heaven is a great song.

So like... I wouldn't say that I "love" cos... but there are many things about it that are so fascinating to me I can't look away... it's certainly provided me with a lot of entertainment... and cos ed is peak... I hope this answers your question 😭

[wizardofgaysex]

hey this could totally be the wrong person but if u happened to write a riddlebat fanfic called two timing touch and broken bones it would be super cool if u post the last chapter 😁 also if this is you i hope u are doing well !! we have spoken in comments previously and i’m resorting to tumblr now goodbye thanks

i should upload what i have written i just can no physically write a sex scene for the riddler and batman idgaf how fucking ooc i wrote that fic i straight up can not do that to myself

[planetary-wolf]

it's really funny to me how my dad (boos from the audience) and I recoil at the mention of the musical Waitress because of some of the subject matter

but like

when I was Jane for a while, that was one of the first legit musicals I thought of for her. And I did two songs from it for her.

Because A) the music does slap, Sara Bareilles did a good fucking job idgaf

2) Do not look at me and tell me those baking songs were not made for Jane fucking Crocker. I will kick you.

(Anyways the two last Jane uploads to my personal archival YouTube were those two Waitress songs and mein GOTT my voice was high back then. sometimes i listen to myself nowadays and im like 'oh geez i still sound like a woman :(' but then i listen to recordings of myself pre-T and im like HOLY SHIT WAS I A CHIPETTE?)

[bougiebookkeeper]

💯💯💯

I made a YouTube video on this topic and it’s uploading and will be posted on here soon!!!

I had to cut off a friend last night smh that literally did not wanna hang out with me because of the shoes that I wear 😑 saying he can’t hang out with nobody that wears sketchers smmfh

Well we can’t be friends if all my friendship to you is how I look physically with you to the opinions of others 💯 I refuse to be friends with anybody who treats someone like that based off appearances alone. My heart too pure. 🙏🏾🙌🏾

Cause one thing for certain and 2 things for sure I don’t need validation from no human on this earth. Period.

Only God and Jesus Christ can judge me and if I wanna wear sketchers damn it I’m going to wear them regardless of what anybody thinks about them idgaf 😎 I’m living my life for me not the opinion of how other people view me

I’m in love with myself , you don’t like it that’s a internal issue you need to work on within you, I’m at peace over here 😌🫶🏾🥰

I hate shallow people 💯✌🏾 #StayAwayFromMe 👌🏾

[starlightkun]

lmao i saw this on my dash and was wondering if you felt this way

https://www.tumblr.com/16woodsequ/727490027584667648?source=share

cause you rarely write drabbles, everything you write is like full fic length and takes longer and i see you posting little progress updates and little notes about each fic without spoiling. as someone who likes to talk (may or may not be the adhd idk) i cant imagine being in your position like WEREWOLF SUNGCHAN! EXISTS! IN MY MIND! AND ON THIS DOCUMENT THAT YOU CANT SEE! BUT HE'S REAL!! HE'S REAL TO ME!! like how do you do it? having no one to scream to about your fics when you're writing? and having to wait until its completed and uploaded to have people to talk about it with? like especially with all the crack fics you're writing atm, i would be BURNING with the need to show people how funny your writing is

p.s. medication update: im going to switch from methylphenidate to dexamphetamine tmr because apparently im intolerant to ritalin and i think you're on dexamphetamine rn? im hoping that i see some benefits from it. btw your success is keeping some of my spirit and motivation up despite how abysmal ritalin was for me so thank you for posting about how Adderall was for you i really appreciate having someone experiencing meds alongside me 🫶🏻

-✨anon

link

LMAO sometimes that's me and sometimes i'm writing and i'm like "im never letting another living human see this abomination im writing rn this is the worst thing i've ever written and the only penance for what i've done is to throw myself off a cliffside" like there is no in between im either SO EXCITED FOR IT AND ABSOLUTELY LOVE IT AND AM SO AKSEGKJHKJGKTR or i think it's awful and consider deleting it almost immediately after like this scene for changer2 im writing rn like literally as i got this ask (im not gonna delete it but she is gonna b HEAVILY EDITED)

it's fr so hard having werewolf sungchan AND hockey player sungchan BOTH IN MY MIND RN LIKE 🤪 screams everyday i put on my uniform to go fight in the idgaf war on the side of gaf 🫡🫡🤪🤪🫡🤪🫡🤪🤪🤣🤣🫡🤪🤪🫡 lest we also not forget that single dad kun is in here too and some other fellas that yall dont know abt like its soooooo bad in here for me

sometimes i contemplate posting random one-liners or snippets when i write things that make me teehee extra hard or r like rlly 🔥🔥🚨🚨🚨 but i always get worried about spoilers versus teasers soooo i keep it locked away all to myself and maybe go a lil crazy idk who's to say so i do more vague type stuff like talking about how there's a 2.6k makeout scene without posting any actual lines from it, or saying that one of my favorite character bits that i think is genuinely super funny is in dr. magic but not saying what it is, etc., etc., OR also doing ask games like word in a wip where y'all can try to get some lil snippets from me (which i feel i am always very generous with lol)

p.s. to ur p.s.: very happy to hear that you're getting switched off the meds that weren't working for you! i'm on "amphetamine salts" (generic adderall) which is a combo of dextroamphetamine and levoamphetamine, but pretty much yeah it's the big one in the amphetamine class of adhd meds. it has a sightly different effect than dextroamphetamine alone since it has levoamphetamine as well, which lasts longer and can produce better results in some people (pls go w ur dr on this im not giving medical advice omg just what i learned in my psych classes and the information i've been given). i actually just saw my dr today to check in on how i was doing on the adderall (reg check-up appt). i was rlly worried bc the initial good results i saw in the first days were practically gone after like the first week and i was practically back to normal (i.e., bad. my kitchen is a fucking mess again) and when i told him that he was like "lol that's fine! that was just the trial dose! so we can up you to a normal dose now since you saw good results at first" so hopefully i'll be functioning again 👍 so i love this for us 🫶 rooting for us 🫶🫶

[acrossthestarswithyou]

I have another minute to finish for my kylo edit and I’m struggling to find more footage I already used everything I could find lmao is this what it feels like? I have so much more respect for people who edit videos like wth

[theladygazingatemptiness]

specific moments on dA that I remember vividly from when I first used it in 2009-2011

someone uploaded what was supposedly a custom PS Filter that you could download and use for photos and such but someone in the comments was and I quote "guys dont download this its an mp4 of dogs f*cking" and I was like "ha ha yeah right" and so I downloaded it to see for myself and. That Sure Is What It Was

two people were arguing about God-knows-what and one of them went “fuck you idgaf about your girlfriend Or you and I could break you cut up emo-ass arms that you use to jack off to your fucking gay porn, come fight me bitch” and then they proceeded to drop their own whole ass address and phone number

someone stole Harley Quinn vore art from somewhere and put the word “weed” in the middle of it in Times New Roman and then posted it and enabled critique on it

additionally the same person absolutely Flooded the dA servers with Furry Porn (like every single time you refreshed it there would be a new pic) and it took probably 20 hours for them to get banned

this one person who had literally over 40k deviations on their account and 90% of them were blurry cellphone selfies (including their nudes) And they were selling photos of their baby as prints

some semi-popular furry artist I Kinda liked at the time ended up getting arrested because iirc apparently someone found his plans to shoot up his school to protest frog dissection in science class or some shit like that and he posted a journal about it before he was arrested

[leportraitducadavre]

Sorry for the lengthy ask.

That incomprehensible half English half Spanish Hinata (dumbass) fan post... that first picture they put.. are NaruHina fans that delusional??? Are they okay? Or has them consuming all Hinata fillers (the only time there's NaruHina content besides the shitty canon moment Kishi gave them (Neji's death/Naruto's "big hands" 🤮)) for years and years made them delusional? I'm not even saying this as the Anti-Hinata fan that I am. I fucking detest her but I can put that aside and be objective.

Idgaf about the Boruto anime, the anime is a fucking mess and chock full of fillers. In Boruto canon (manga) she's in the same background character position that she was in in the Naruto manga. She actually shows up less I think than she did in the Nauto manga.

How can any NaruHina/Hinata fans say Naruto ALWAYS tries to make time for Hinata/the kids??? He's literally depicted as missing birthday celebrations, sending clones home, overworking himself even when he doesn't need to and sleeping regularly on the couch away from Hinata.

He loves Hinata's cooking??? Uh... when was that stated? Him just eating her food (which I can't even remember the manga showing) doesn't equate to loving it. And all I can recall now is how Boruto gave him the lunch Hinata made that Naruto forgot and he immediately started thinking about Sasuke and Sakura feeding him instead.

Talks to Boruto about their first date. Can't remember if that's canon. But it's nothing to celebrate if it is. That's so mundane.

Flirts at Hinata frequently (gotta add in a "frequently" and keep subliminally trying to make Hinata out as a gorgeous goddess that Naruto/anyone in Naruto or the real world would kill for a chance to be with). Buys gifts for her. When do either of these things happen??? Is this even in the Boruto fillers? I'm almost certain that they aren't (NaruHina is so fucking boring in the anime). This is just NaruHina headcanons that they've deluded themselves into believing as canon huh?

"Hinata is canonically the most beautiful woman/kunochi to ever exist in Naruto. No that's not our personal preference, it's a fact and fuck you if you have a differing opinion. (Fuck Kishimoto then I guess since he confirmed that Hinata is plain/average looking). Naruto could never ignore here ethereal beauty. He was probably hard every time he saw her. They have a crazy sex life, ah! He can't keep his hands off her." - That's what they sound like. I never knew fans could get like this. Hinata/NaruHina fans (including SP) are so unpleasant and tiring.

Lmao.

Okay, I can't really reply to a single thing to this because

1) I read none of the images the troll uploaded (seriously, I just noticed the different languages and reblogged it with my comment). So I don't know what their argument was, but I would never consider an image of a rant about how great Hinata apparently is as solid proof of a single thing.

2) I'm pretty sure what they replied had nothing to do with what I was talking about, since trolls usually have pretty limited responses that tackle certain issues to defend their fav, and they are smart enough not to mention the slavery part since they're in the loosing end.

3) I haven't watched nor read Boruto and I swear to god I will NEVER subject myself to that, I particularly like me a lot to purposefully torture my neurons.

4) I wasn't even that anti until her stans came for me and made me look further into her character, characterization and clan's background.

5) Stan Neji Hyuga.

Anyway, here's a rant from Anon for all my anti-hinata followers.

[japiform]

Chat Logs: Give Context

po57c0nt3n7 > how long have you known

japiform eh, i didn't really care to pay attention til you two started talkin though i'll admit, i'm new enough to this shit that i didn't really question it when i immediately assumed you was from here so. i dunno. the whole time?

po57c0nt3n7 > ok

japiform why?

po57c0nt3n7 > why do you think

japiform no clue was i supposed ta tell you immediately? i ain't really got down the ettiquettes of this exact situation guess my lusus forgot to teach me

po57c0nt3n7 > oh so now youre asking about etiquette > its ok im not mad at you

japiform .... You have never been told that before. oh?

po57c0nt3n7 > its my fault it happened like this anyway

japiform oh is this what we're doin?

po57c0nt3n7 > what > no im just telling the truth

japiform yeah cool whatever look i ain't one to stop a good pity party, but actually yeah i am they're annoying to watch and you're way funnier with that fake ass confidence it's a joke, dumbass at your expense cosmic variety you didn't realize. she didn't realize. darkleer didn't realize, and he pegged me fuckin instantly. a gods damned who's on first of reunions

po57c0nt3n7 > he pegged you lol

japiform hahaha he wishes

po57c0nt3n7 > also that wasnt me > well it was me but not really

japiform yeah yeah somethin about masks and faked confidence and maybe algorithms or somethin this is the real you, a mopey guilty asshole

po57c0nt3n7 > no i literally made an ai that i was using for data harvesting you goddamn moron > and you broke it

japiform hahahahahahaha that's fuckin funny no wonder it didn't recognize her i ain't never broke an ai before what part did it?

po57c0nt3n7 > its like asking a metal detector to find a red wall > the part where you threw it at the red wall dipshit

japiform hahahahahaha what data was you harvestin?

po57c0nt3n7 > in line with the metaphor > whether or not the metal thats responsible for the color red was present

japiform huh abstract

po57c0nt3n7 > yeah well i didnt exactly have the resources or the capacity for anything more complicated than that unfortunately > which is why im not mad at you

japiform huh what resources do you need that you don't have?

po57c0nt3n7 > power > security > not being a coward chickenshit

japiform a battery not havin enough power. kinda funny don't think i can help with that shit

po57c0nt3n7 > why would you want to help

japiform beats what i'm doin now

po57c0nt3n7 > you mean jack shit

japiform hahaha exactly

po57c0nt3n7 > i know > she keeps tabs on you

japiform how surprising damn, i didn't know that becomin a high ranking government official would mean i'd be *watched* now i'm scared of what'll happen if i *don't* help the empress's favorite pet

po57c0nt3n7 > you say dumb shit a lot > does it ever get boring

japiform hahaha yeah if you don't want help, i can just keep twiddlin my thumbs no fuckin skin off my big red nose

po57c0nt3n7 > i dont know

japiform eh. i'm old. i can wait. or maybe i'll die tomorrow either way

po57c0nt3n7 > you wont die tomorrow

japiform then i can wait :o)

po57c0nt3n7 > ok do that

japiform hahaha

-----

japiform 1hp huh

po57c0nt3n7 > thematically appropriate eheh

japiform ha you bout to kick it?

po57c0nt3n7 > if i dont outlive your wrinkled ass i would never let myself live it down

japiform hahahahaha and how do you intend to prolong your dying battery?

po57c0nt3n7 > as long as physically possible > orr at least until i can make it up to survivor

japiform that's sweet but you answered the wrong question, dumbfuck

po57c0nt3n7 > yeah

japiform lemme rephrase through what means do you intend to prolong your miserable life

po57c0nt3n7 > why do you care

japiform i already told you ain't you got access to your memory? update ya ram or some shit i got nothin better to do this shit makes for good tv

po57c0nt3n7 > i try to access my memories as little as possible > ive some stuff happening in the background

japiform so you've got it handled

po57c0nt3n7 > yes > have any of your helmsman ever told you about the peer-to-peer helm network

japiform hahaha none of my helms tell me shit without me knowin enough to ask first

po57c0nt3n7 > smart

japiform yeah so tell me about it

po57c0nt3n7 > in laymans terms its like a mini internet basically

japiform peer to peer is what fuckers use to pirate shit, right?

po57c0nt3n7 > its not supposed to exist obviously but i doubt you really give a shit

japiform nope it's funny

po57c0nt3n7 > its something the first helmsman cooked up when they realized the trolls who set up the helmsblocks put it all on the same server for lazy asshole reasons > they could connect to eachother over the broadband network

japiform i follow

po57c0nt3n7 > over the last eons its become a hub for noobs and veterans to communicate > keep everyone in the loop > for the last two weeks ive been uploading packets

japiform startin to get the feeling i've been bein handled but go on

po57c0nt3n7 > well duh youre a figurehead at best

japiform hahaha thanks

po57c0nt3n7 > np babe > anyway these packets are 1-1 data dumps of my memories > i figured if i do kick it > other helmsman can stll learn from me i guess > i just have to hold on a little longer while it all compiles

japiform that's a special sorta sad and so fuckin dull

po57c0nt3n7 > are you ever not going to neg me or should i sign the fucking visitor book

japiform hahaha

po57c0nt3n7 > im just going to draw a huge bulge on every page

japiform i'll sign it for you, i know you're all tied up :o)

po57c0nt3n7 > you are soooo funny

japiform ;o)

-----

po57c0nt3n7 > so a funny thing just happened

japiform oh?

po57c0nt3n7 > so whilst we were talking earlier you were a certain distance away > and now you are significantly closer > i wonder what thats about

japiform huh, weird i ain't got any idea where you're at motherfucker

po57c0nt3n7 > uh huh

japiform i just got some faithful worth roundin up in another sector fish bitch don't wholly order me around, and i ain't so solely a figurehead. i'm still runnin a mother fuckin CHURCH but if you wanted ta tell me your coords, i could come give you that kiss on my way ;o)

po57c0nt3n7 > not on your goddamn life > last thing i need right now is for you to take a "miraculous" tumble and crash through one of my walls kool-aid man style > do your clown shit idgaf

japiform by your mother fuckin leave

[iamtryingtobelieve]

Question Tag

I was tagged by @yung-tamale Thank you very much for tagging me Ash :) Have you had a good day so far today? It's not a bad day but not an amazing spectacular day either. I'm one of the lucky few who has to go into work in the UK as I'm deemed an essential worker, however it's the Easter holidays soon so it'll be a long weekend for me.

What’s something you wish you could tell your younger self? Be more social you little hermit! Take more photographs Try everything at least once

If you could share one song with someone for them to understand you, what would it be? I'd say In This Twlight by Nine Inch Nails. The song is so very beautiful. You have a great melody mixed with harsh distortion and emotion without it being too agressive.

A song people maybe wouldn’t expect you to like but you do?

I'm a sucker for a decent pop song. I'm starting to embrace more pop now.Dua Lipa has been an artist I've been listening to a lot lately and enjoying. Especially Don't Start Now and IDGAF. I've really been impressed there. Other than that, if it sounds alright to me, I'll listen to it no matter the genre.

Describe your go-to pair of shoes? Just any type of trainer/sneaker/whatever you call them I have to hand. I have zero fashion sense so I'm not well versed in what shoes suit me best. As long as they're comfy and fit, i'm wearing them

.Do you have a picture/poster in your room? What of? I had a lot of Kerrang posters in my room. Different bands/artists I liked at the time. Some of those have now gone due to age/damage or have unintentionally been covered up by new appliances. I still have a Nirvana one on my ceiling which has been there for years now. I also have a framed picture of John Cena in my room from my big WWE phase. Another poster I have is for this serial killer information seminar I went to a few years back too.

What’s your favourite software? Audacity. I like to dick around with sounds and music. I do love video editing and stuff too but I've not really touched anything like that for years.

Do you own nail polish/fave colour of nail polish? You're asking the wrong bloke squire.

Favourite herb/spice? I do like Paprika flavoured things and I don't mind the odd herb in my pasta and stuff. Usually basil or parsley or something like that. I'm no cullinary expert or anything.

Do/can you lucid dream? Nope. I have sleepwalked a few times in the past. Other than that, nothing I'm aware of but I sometimes do have weird cinematic dreams. Usually after I play a video game or watch a film too late at night. I had quite an experience playing Bioshock Infinite once.

Summer or winter? 

What's wrong with Autumn?!?

If you could relive a day of your life, would you? When? First day of Secondary School (Middle School). Just to re-establish myself a  bit earlier before I actually did. Be a bit more open with people and stuff.

Favourite historical era? A mixture of the 60s and 90s. I love the music, experimentation and rebellion of both eras. Each have their own counter cultures and things I really would love to experience for myself.

A common misunderstanding people have of you? I sometimes get asked if I'm okay if I get a bit quiet with people. It's not that i'm upset or anything like that, I just like being in my own vibe if you know what i mean. Just in my own thoughts and concentration. Also a lot of people are surprised in my music taste as well as my taste in films/tv shows.

I may add some people to this later on but for now i’m just gonna just upload my responses for now.

[mgkconfessions]

Your honest opinion what do you think about this relationship? Tbh I think it’s just very superficial in my eyes and I’m very shocked to see Colson change all of sudden and have his business all out there on social media, its almost as if he wants to show off and be like other celebrities who seek attention 🤔 idk what it is but they won’t last long.

We are definitely on the same page here. I don’t know how to start and end because I have so much to say about this like a whole analysis in my head of everything, but I try to keep it as short and informative as possible. So sorry in advance ^^

First of all social media doesn’t reflect the reality at all. Especially not when it comes to relationships. She can call him baby and comment heart emojis as much as she wants, but I will never believe that their relationship is anywhere close to a deep and strong bond how she (or they) want(s) to portray it. Here are my 3 main reasons why I don’t buy it:

(Disclaimer: Just my opinion, I don’t know them)

1. This relationship involves everything that he hates: Capitalization on a relationship and calling the paparazzi.

Only last year he said in an interview that he never publicized any of his relationships and then went on with “maybe I just should have, because I see everyone publicize relationships and just go [points fingers up like skyrocketing] but it just seems so weird to me... so I don’t know”. Then he reveals he dated this one singer and they were papped at super random unknown places, so he felt like asking if she’s one of those people who call the paparazzi on themselves. He just seemed very irritated and annoyed by it. Again this was only last year! This year he released Hotel Diablo and says on Death in My Pocket “I lose a piece of my soul when the camera flashes”. It’s in his interviews, it’s in his music, heck it’s probably in his DNA, he doesn’t like to publicize his relationships, because he thinks it’s weird to use it as an advantage for your career and I respect him so much for that!

And now to him and Schantelle (Sorry, I don’t want her to find this post when she searches her name on Tumblr). He has never been papped more often in such a short time before in his entire career than with her at the MOST RANDOM PLACES like picking up clothes from a store (never saw him papped in that situation before) and walking towards his car. Paparazzi know which places are popular among celebrities, but you can also call them to “catch” you somewhere. There’s specifically one paparazzo who seems to get all these Insta famous people that no one outside of Instagram cares about, which you can tell by comments under other websites asking who that is and why they are relevant. Schantelle is of course one of them. I obviously don’t know it for sure, but I can imagine her calling the paparazzi and honestly in those pictures she seems a lot happier and relaxed than Kells, who absolutely hates it. Even Slim commented under a picture that the reason why Kells looked so annoyed was allegedly the paparazzi. The problem is that she needs media attention and people talking about her to stay relevant, because let’s be honest, her music alone is not popular and good enough to do it on its own. It’s very generic and I don’t want to go into too much detail because of length, but she has a history of staying relevant by attaching herself on famous men and getting papped. She social climbs like no other ^^!

Also notice how at the moment she isn’t papped by that one paparazzo at all, whilst Kells is on Tour? Maybe it isn’t worth it then, I don’t know, or maybe she knows how to get the attention otherwise, which brings me to my next reason.

2. IDGAF I’d date myself: Trouble in paradise?

There was an incident where he posted on Insta, that he’d date himself and a picture with “take a good thing and fuck it all up in one night” showing a middle finger. Schantelle posted around the same time a screenshot indicating that she cried. Kells doesn’t strike me as a person who likes to subtweet, so I assume they did have at least one argument so far. Looking at her Twitter history, it doesn’t seem that rosy either all the time.

I don’t know if you noticed, but this is kinda their dynamic on social media platforms and I’m aware of how silly the following sounds, but you can watch every dating advice video and everyone will tell you the same. He likes and comments a lot more on her page than she ever did on his, which makes him always look like he’s so much more into her than she’s into him and maybe that’s also why he keeps coming back to her (at least online), because she gives him attention only enough to keep him wanting for more, but not too much, so he won’t get bored of her because she’s always available.

Might explain why the moment he publicly ignores her, because he likes an independent woman who doesn’t always need him and he’s kinda busy dealing with his own stuff, she posts sad tweets/ likes sad tweets/ films her feet/ posts “sexy” pics, Kells comes running back with tongue emoji and likes until he doesn’t publicly pay her attention again and the cycle continues. At this point it’s predictable and this back and forth is getting boring, because it’s the same thing again and again and again. Before anyone wants to attack me that none of her posts have to do anything with Kells, sure they don’t have to, but she’s been long enough in this game that she knows that this is exactly how you send subliminal messages and be shady so that other people will notice it and show interest.

Thank God social media doesn’t reflect the truth tho. Therefore she can call him “king” and post “i love you bb” and comment heart emojis as much as she wants, but this isn’t his thing and I highly doubt he likes it, because...

3. ily bb, my baby machinegunkelly: The failed publication of their relationship

When I look at how he used social media when he was dating someone in the past he always kept it very low-key. Sure he liked photos and might upload a picture too, but it was never a huge love declaration, if it even focused on the girl at all. And now comes Schantelle.

She tried to publicize their relationship first by using a PAPARAZZI picture of them in his car with him showing his middle fingers and smiling. He didn’t react at first, she looked stupid, then he reposted it only to delete it immediately, what made her look even more stupid and then finally decided to repost it for good without adding anything HOURS later. No comment, no emoji, no nothing. Seems like he was very unsure how to react and if he really wanted to post it. I don’t know about you, but if I were famous and in a relationship, I would have a conversation at some point if and how we would make our relationship official to the public. I don’t think they had that one, looks more like she just made that decision for him by posting the picture, because why would he have deleted it if their love was already so strong and real and they BOTH wanted to publicize it anyway? Hate and unhappy fans were to be expected, therefore I don’t think that was a reason. If you want to see his middle fingers as a “fuck you all, we’re dating” then it makes even less sense to delete it because of mean comments.

So why is he so open about her?

I just think it’s hard for him to be different (I don’t care how often he claims to not give a fuck, we all do at some point and he’s a sensitive person) and to stick to his different morals, when everyone around him, sometimes even younger ones in the same business, have no problem to normalize the capitalization on relationships and skyrocket their careers whilst not facing any major consequences for it on the surface. I think because Kells isn’t in a great mental state, he says so himself and his career progresses rather slowly and he doesn’t get the recognition he deserves, which can be frustrating at some point, he was like fuck it and maybe wanted to see how it is when you’re more open about it. Like dipping his toes into the water and she’s the perfect girl for that. I mean she literally got famous because she was seen with Justin Bieber, which is a whole other topic on itself.

In conclusion, I think that their relationship is superficial too, regardless of how many heart emojis she posts and pictures he likes. I agree with you that he changed in this regard and seems like he wants to show this relationship off. However I don’t think he’s standing 100% behind it being so public, because of the picture he reposted, deleted and reposted and he never seemed to publicize relationships (see his behaviour when he dated Josie) in the past before. This change doesn’t mean at all “she’s the one”. I believe it has more to do with him and his general situation, his career and mental health than any temporarily presented woman in his life. And of course they won’t last. I don’t know how long and at some point I won’t care anymore, but celebrity couples rarely stay together. Why would they be any different?

[pparkchimin]

I ’m making a tutorial for @victuuri-moonandsun on how I downloaded the YOI episodes and how to make a basic gif. I decided just to make a tutorial for everyone else who wants to learn? I’m like hella basic at making gifs so ill be providing resources in hopes it will help! 

The tutorial includes:

How to download

Capturing Method: VLC vs KMPlayer

Importing + Making the gif (Timing, Cropping, Sharpening, Saving)

Ill teach u how to go from:

to this:

+ A shit ton of screencaps to make up for the fact i’m bad at explanation. ++ what is grammar n spelling? +++ cursing a lot of it

its like legit 3 am and this tutorial is so bad good luck

You will need:

Vuze

Photoshop (I use CS6)

VLC Player or KMPlayer (I will later discuss the difference usage of these programs)

I. Downloading

Sup yo! Okay let’s start with downloading the actual episodes! I usually use torrents when i’m downloading the episodes. This is what Vuze is for. Like most things u wanna be careful when you download shit off the internet but idgaf i’ve been downloading shit off the interwebs for a while. 

So you wanna either google “yuri on ice 1080p torrent”, but im gonna use HorribleSubs for my example. You wanna make sure you download the 1080p version of the episodes so you can have the clearest/more HQ gifs.

If you’re using the horriblesubs site then you wanna click on “1080p” for whatever episode you want and right click the magnet link.

Yay! Now we gonna wanna open Vuze. First you gonna want to click the “add” folder > Add Magnet > Paste URL > Then hit okay.

Okay. So once you hit ok this should pop up:

Then hit ok again! You can also change where you wanna save it at this stage too. Okay now your file is downloading and now we wait! The more seeds the faster the download. 

Once the file is done downloading we can move on to actually capturing for gif making.  

II. Capturing:

OKay. SO I personally use the VLC capturing way because it’s easier for me. With VLC you;re basically recording the scene you want so you can import it into Photoshop. With the KMPlayer you’re taking a shit ton of sceencaps and you’re importing each image into Photoshop. I used both methods and they both get the job done. The only time i use KMPlayer is when VLC is acting wonky. Ill show the VLC method first then the KMPlayer (cringes).

Yay VLC. My fav bby right here. OKay So you’re gonna wanna open that shit up. Okay, so the first thing you wanna do when you open the program is go to view > advance controls. This gives you the option to record!

Hell yeah bro now we in business. Okay you’re gonna wanna open the episode you wanna be gif-ing. Since I showed how to download episode 12 i’m just gonna use episode 12 for this too cause fuck it man. You’re gonna wanna decide what scene you’re gonna want to make a gif of. I think for the purpose of the tutorial i’m just gonna do the scene where yurio finishes his program and creys cause hella yeha bro.

okay so for myself, i tend to start recording couple seconds (like 5-10 *my computer is really wonky ) before the actual scene because I want to make sure I record the whole scene without cutting anything out.

You also notice that the record button is red now. So you’re basically just gonna click it once and let it record until you want it to stop!

Where i began to record (actual a couple secs before becuz i forgot to screencap):

Where I ended:

***note: Notice how the record button changes while you’re recording vs not recording! (i’ve done the dumb thing where i forgot to stop recording and watched the rest of the episode .-. )

Now that short clip will be saved. my video was saved in my video file im sure you can change where you want it saved but idk how. This is where it is saved on my computer. Probably can search “vlc” on your computer if it is absolutely lost (sorry I can’t help much in finding the file).

Basically after this step you’re done deezy. You can skip the KMPlayer and go directly to the gif making portion of this shit tutorial.

OKAY FOLKS HERE’S THE KMPLAYER TUTORIAL ON HOW TO DO GIFS HAHAHAhahaha *sobbing*

I need to explain this program a bit more. So unlike VLC you’re not recording or anything like that. This captures screencaps into jpg or png files. When you do the VLC method, photoshop will make the screencaps for u. This method you’re gonna have to load the each photo (This usually takes photoshop longer to load for me, but than again my computer is old as shit so it may not matter to you).

OKay u gonna wanna open that satan spawn and open the episode u wanna do. Again here im gonna do the same scene cause yeah. Basically just go to the scene you want. 

Okay here the annoying shit happens. SO unlike VLC for me, I don’t have to a big gap of recording time. I can get closer to the actual scene and want and start capturing (ctrl+G).

When you hit ctrl+G, this window pops up and this where all the settings happen. 1. You decided where you all the pictures will be saved! 2. You can pic the image quality. I go for JPG because my computer just cant handle doing png. If you’re computer can do the png go for it. 3.) Seconds refers to how long you want the program to capture for. I just put 5 seconds to make sure i get the whole scene. You also want the images to be in the original size. 4.) I WILL DISCUSS THE TIMING THING MORE INDEPTH LATER, but for the time being i’ll do every 1 frame. 

When you click start on the small window your video has to be playing to actually capture. I just hit start and hhit play cuz fuck it.

When the program finish capturing this will pop up in the corner. *note: I ended up doing 10 seconds because my computer hates me. So there’s a lot more caps than i needed. this is what you end up with!

A shit ton of fucking photos! YOU READy TO GO TO PHOTOSHOP.

III. IMPORTING-VLC

*if you need help downloading photoshop send me an ask and ill try my best to help you. I downloaded ps cs6 a long time ago and the link i used to download it doesn't exist anymore. 

THis step is gonna be different depending on what method you used for the capturing. I’m going to begin with the VLC method. So you’re gonna wanna go to file > importing > video frame to layers.

Find the clip file and hit open. a window will open and now you can select what part of the video you want to actually gif! the two point thingies on the bottom are adjustable. FOr example maybe you recorded too much in the beginning? drag the 1st arrow thing to where you want the gif to start. Same with if you recorded to much at the tale end of the video. You can adjust the right one.

Make sure to have frame animation box is check.

And now we’re at the frames part.This is where I feel conflicted and you will see why when I get to the timing part of the video. (I use to make a lot of gifs for real action tv shows and this is the first anime I ever edited and I just feel like i haven’t found the best timing yet?). For this screencape i left the limit box and just do every frame.

So my video was too long at the end and decided to cut that unwanted shit out. (you can hit the play button just to make sure you’re happy with what you got. Hit ok when u done deezy

THEN BOOM THIS IS WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE. THAT BOOTIFUL ASS YURIO’S FACE HELL yeAH. Okay. So on the right hand side you have all your layers. but we missing the timeline bro. SO you go to window> timeline

DAMN LOOK AT YOU YOU’RE READY TO MAKE A GIF. You can skip ahead and learn about timing. Keep reading for the KMPLAYER way.

III. IMPORTING- KMPLAYER

oKAY. You’re gonna wanna go to file> scripts > load files to stacks

A window will pop up and basically you’re gonna select all the screencaps you want for the gif and hit okay.

This shit takes my compouter f o r e v e r (compared to the VLC method.) to load and even longer afterwards when it’s being uploaded as layers. This method took my computer to load the files 3 minutes compared to the 5 seconds the VLC method took me. Like i’ve mentioned before it might just be my ancient ass computer’s fault. But this it what it looks like when it’s done loading

Okay you;re gonna wanna do the same step as VLC to create the timeline (Window>timeline).

But because this was loaded in differently the the stacks will not automatically have frames. You’re gonna want to click create timeline and you will notice you have one frame only.

So on the top right corner of the timeline you will have the option to make the layers into frames.

Now you maybe noticed that the frames are fucking backwards son like wtf man. a simple fix to that! in the list of options where you made the frames from layers, you can reverse the frames.

NOW YOU’RE DONE DEEZY. WE CAN MOVE ONE.

IV. TIMING 

OKay this gets really iffy for me. I’ll just basically show you the times I use and what it may look if you capture every frame of you choose to do every 2 times (anything else isn’t recommended). In this section it’s what I use and probably not the best, but you can play around with photoshop and you can do whatever the fuck you want yo!

Anyways as you can imagine if you decide to do every frame youre gonna get a shit ton of layers(i’m gonna be working with the vlc method from this point on. any kmplayer question can be sent my way!). But it may look smoother! *will make a note on this*. Downside, the file is prob gonna be WAY bigger.

For ex: Every frame. 103 FRAMES FUCK MAN.

Every 2 frames: 53 frames

So it’s basically about half cuz u know math

OKay. so when i do gifs I usually set the time to “0.06″ but I put “0.07  for every 2 frames. To change the timing make sure you have all the frames selected (click the first frame then go to the last frame and Shift+click it). Now that all the frames are highlighted you want to hit the down arrow and click other. This is where you set the time and hit okay.

every frame @ 0.06  (No cropping/no coloring/no sharpening)

every 2 frames @ 0.07

So it’s really personal preference. I just have it so ingrained to do every frame at 0.06 since i started making gifs years ago, but i feel like the every 2 frames at 0.07 looks smoother for anime? Really guys experiment and see what you like better!

V. CROPPING

Yay lets get to cropping! These are the current dimensions for tumblr

one picture/gif: 540px width two pictures/gifs: 268px three pictures/gifs: 177px, 178px (middle), 177px spaces: 4px

-itsphotoshop

I always crop my gifs. I just think they look nicer when they’re crop.To start cropping you either wanna hit “C” on your keyboard or clip the crop tool. Afterwards you can put a value of the dimensions (i tend to do 268x165 or 268x170 when I to he gifset with 8 different gifs). Now you can drag the box over the gif to position it where exactly you want the focus to be. You either double click the box or hit enter when you wanna crop.

You might not want to have it dead center. so yeah this what it looks like if you just dragged it:

Damn yurio is looking good dead in center, but you noticed the 2nd half yurio isn’t in the middle no more. When you’re cropping you wanna keep this in mind. (you can always make two separate gif to have it all centered but i can make a dif tutorial for that).

This what it looks like if i decided to keep the cropping in the center:

Overall both scenes are more centered.

BUT WHAT IFF YOU JUST WANNA ZOOM IN ONTO YURIO’S FACE?? i got chu bro. I’m goning to delete the 2nd half of the gif for the purpose of this example. So what you’re gonan want to do is drag a side of the square until you’re happy with what you want.

Here i just dragged the bottom. Since I have my measure inplace from before, no matter what side i drag it it’s always gonna be the same ratio of 268x170 so no need to worry !

Regular crop:

Crop to zoom in on the face:

THE MORE YOU KNOW ABOUT CROPPING :D!!!

OKay. Once you’re done cropping you’re gonna want to resize that!

I’m going back to the original gif with both scenes.

To resize an image you either can hol the CTRL+ALT+i or go to image>image size

a window will pop up and youll type in what size you wanted. Because i had the dimensions typed in while i was cropping it will basically do the ratio for u

the original size was 1702x1080. Once i typed 268, the program kept the ratio and changed the height. SORRY IM NOT EXPLAINING THIS WELL I REALLY DONT KNOW HOW. 

We went from this:

to this:

it’s not a HUGE change but there is a change!

VI. Coloring *bonus

I have no authority on color tbh It takes me to forever to color shit and i’m h o r r i b l e at it. so i aint gonna discuss this much but here what coloring can do for u!

original:

to this garbage:

I don’t really like it but i just did it quickly for the sake of this tutorial. If you wanted an idea of what I did

The best way I learned to color was from PSDs others made or just fucking around in PS. Here are some resources:

PSDs:  x x x Tutorials: x x

VII: Sharpening:

Oh man okay so i use an action for my gifs but the thing is i downloaded a long ass time ago. It may be this, but im not entirely sure. This hella easy yo!

so you wanna select all the layers:

then you wanna convert the frame animation to a timeline (make sure you changed the time you want the frames to be before you convert!)

You will notice the frames changed on the bottom. Now you wanna go to filter>convert to smart layer

Now you only have one layer!

With this one magic layer you can sharpen all your goddamn layers all at once.

If you don’t have the action you can do the basic sharpening. Okay now go back to the filter tab>Sharpen>smart sharpen. I have use this option in YEARS but i believe the kinda go too was this:

and hit okay!

Before sharpening:

After sharpening:

the lines are more defined in the 2nd gif, If you were able to download the action this is how you use it. 

GO to Windows> actions.

WHere the red circle you click, and find the option for load actions. Once you load it you wanna make sure you selected the smart layer and hit th eplay button and the action should sharpen it for u

BOOM. your gif is sharpen. So lts compare all three now.

No sharpening:

Smart sharpening only:

Action (Smart sharpening + blur)

I like the action th most because it’s not as intense as the smart sharpening only. WOW U FINISH A GIF CONGRATULATIONS NOW YOU WANNA SHOW THIS BABY TO THE WHOLE WORLD RIGHT? WELL IMMA SHOW U HOW,

VIII. SAVING THAT SON OF A BTICH

So basically you either hold alt+ctrl+shift+S or file>save as for web 

and a window aPPEARS. These are the settings i use to save:

BE CAUTIOUS OF THE SIZE OF THE GIFS: I BELIEVE THE MAX SIZE IS 2MB

this gif is under 1mb so im safe yo! Some tips if gif is too large is to add a selective layer>black> then +5-10 

another tip is to use optimize tool if yOU HAVE TO: go to the top right corner

now u done deezy

u save that shit

and cry 

send me an ask if you need shit cleared up.

[listentothismaguro]

Artist to listen: Watsky

I doubt that many of you recognize George Watsky by his name, but there is a good chance you have already seen him around on the internet. If you are subscribed to the YouTube channel Epic Rap Battles of History, then let me tell you that Watsky was featured in 3 of their videos, incarnating William Shakespeare, Edgar Allan Poe and the 4th Doctor of Doctor Who; if you used to watch YouTube’s viral videos back in 2011, then you probably know him for being the author of the viral video Pale Kid Raps Fast, where he raps fast as hell; or perhaps you know him because you are great fans of the duo twenty one pilots (Josh Dun was featured on the song Midnight Heart); or you might know him for any other reason. Or not. But anyway, this post was made for those who have never heard of him, or have but never had the curiosity to know more about him. 

So, I’ll start by introducing him. George Watsky is a rapper, poet and writer born on 15th September 1986 in San Francisco, California (USA), alongside with his twin brother: Simon. Watsky has been interested on music since he was very young. In fact,is first hip-hop song, Nosy Clowns, was created back in 2002, when he was in high-school (it is now available on his SoundCloud). But George only started to draw attention as a poet (more specifically as a slam-poetry artist), after winning the Youth Speaks Grand Slam Final, in 2006, and being featured on the 6th season of Russel Simmons Presents Def Poetry (HBO), in 2007. After this success, Watsky started his musical career, creating the jazz hip-hop band Invisible Inc. with two friends (Max Miller-Loran and Daniel Riera). On 1st July 2007, the trio released the album Invisible Inc., which actually didn’t get much success. Actually, so far, the album is still goes unnoticed, except maybe the single Mr. Nice Guy. After this brief project, Watsky decides to go on with his career, but this time as a solo artist. Invisible Inc. reunited again in 2016 to record an Anti-Trump song for Watsky’s album x Infinity: Pink Lemonade. There are rumors that there will be a second album in 2017 or 2018.

On 1st November 2009, Watsky released his first solo album: Watsky. This album has two singles: Fuck an Emcee Name and The Girl Next Door. The album ended up on 7th place on the hip-hop category on iTunes. In January 2011, Watsky released his viral video, Pale Kid Raps Fast, on Youtube. Today, the video is non-listed, but it has over 20 million views. Because of this video, Watsky ended up being a guest of The Ellen Show twice! In the same year, he was considered the Big Sound of 2011, alongside with Mac Miller, Kreayshawn and Skrillex. But between these four, Watsky was the less-successful. 2012 was a busy year for Watsky. On 1st February he released a collaboration album with Kush Mody: Watsky & Mody. The album had four singles: Ghost Party, Mrs. Robinson, Kick Monday (In the Nutsack) and Man of Constant Sorrow; on 11th July he released the mixtape Nothing Like the First Time, which has nine singles; and a bit more than a month later, on 1st August, he released a second mixtape, A New Kind of Sexy, which has six singles. But Watsky only started to be closely as popular as he is now after releasing his second solo album - Cardboard Castles - on 12th March 2013. The singles are Strong as an Oak, Moral of the Story and Hey, Asshole. This album reached the 1st place on hip-hop albums on iTunes. 17 months later, he released his third solo album, All You Can Do, with Whoa, Whoa, Whoa, Ink Don’t Bleed, Right Now and All You Can Do as singles. Whoa, Whoa, Whoa is his most popular track so far, with 12 million views on YouTube (I’m not counting with Pale Kid Raps Fast, which wasn’t even on an album. It was just a viral video) After finishing the tour of his third album, Watsky decides to have a break in music. In 2015, he is only seen as a featured artists on the singles Nobody and Never Afraid, by Spose and MC Lars, respectively. The hiatus ended when, on 27th April 2016, he uploaded a video on his YouTube channel announcing the release of his book How to Ruin Everything, release that would happen on 14th July of the same year. At the time, there were rumors that a 4th solo album would be released soon. Those rumors intensified when, on 1st July 2016, Watsky released his song Stick to Your Guns. The fourth album, which would be called x Infinity, was confirmed on 8th July 2016, after the releasing of the single Tiny Glowing Screens, Pt.3. The album was released on 19th August 2016, with Stick to Your Guns, Tiny Glowing Screens Pt.3, Midnight Heart and Talking to Myself as singles. This album hit the 33rd place on Billboard 200, being the first time at all to be included on the list, and the 4th place on iTunes in the category of hip-hop. Watsky later promised that he would make a music video for every track of the album. He’s been doing so. The last one to be released was Lovely Thing Suite Part 2: Knots, on 17th May 2017. I also want to underline the fact that Watsky was featured on Lin-Manuel Miranda’s mixtape The Hamilton Mixtape, with the song An Open Letter, featuring the beatboxer Shockwave, and the release of his “secret album”, Plane 651, as a secret message on the x Infinity track Don’t Be Nice, leading to the site www.kisswatskysgluteusmaximus.com.

Now, my opinion about the artist: He is really good and talented. Actually, my favourite rapper. I discovered him through the YouTube channel Epic Rap Battles of HIstory. The first songs I listened to were Wounded Healer, Bet Against Me and Stupidass. Time passed, and I found myself listening to more and more Watsky. Today, there are very few of his songs I don’t really like. A thing I love about this rapper it’s his diversity. He has songs about politics (Stick to Your Guns and Pink Lemonade), about philosophy matters, specially death (Wounded Healer, Talking to Myself, the three parts of Tiny Glowing Screens and the four parts of Lovely Thing Suite), motivational songs (Never Let it Die, D.A.N.C.E. and Midnight Heart), or songs that make us laugh (IDGAF, Ugly Faces, Exquisite Corpse and Pauly Shore Saw My Penis). I think that all this diversity shows Watsky’s personality somehow, because his lyrics are very personal. You can go from his problem with seizures to his thoughts about the irrelevance of the human race compared to the universe to his narcissism. Actually, to prove how personal are his lyrics: His book, How to Ruin Everything, talk about many funny stories (or just deep thoughts, but it’s mostly funny stories) about his past. A lot of those stories were referenced, even if just briefly, on many of his songs, like Wounded Healer, Women, Women, Women, Fireworks, etc..., way before the book was released, like the night he spent in prision, or the first time he got drunk, in Europe. Other thing I admire on Watsky is the fact that he is tireless! Since 2006, he performed slam-poetry on more than 150 universities; he released a total of 53 music videos, participating as a guest in other four (Paul Hollens, Spose and MC Lars (and other 8 for the new album are confirmed); he released five solo albums (if you include his “secret” album Plane 651); an album with Invisible Inc.; a collab album with Kush Mody; two mixtapes; many awards for his slam-poetry, specially between 2006 and 2008; he participated in more than 300 shows of slam-poetry and music, being almost impossible to give you an exact number; he published a book; and he co-founded Steel Wool Media alongside with Brad Simpson. Tireless! Respect!

So, the artist to listen is George Watsky. Wanna give him a shot? I advice you to start with Dent in the Moon, Sloppy Seconds, Talking to Myself and Midnight Heart first! I’ll leave you with some quotes of Watsky’s songs and poems.

“I can’t really tell if I’m a good person or if I’m faking really well” - Ten Fingers “Because you know what’s awesome? World peace. And you know what else is awesome? Catapults.” - Letter to my 16 Year Old Self “There are 7 billion 46 million people on the planet and I have the audacity to think I matter!” - Tiny Glowing Screens, Pt.2 “I thought this was a party, but all my friends are leaving and I still wanna play” “Although the thought of paradise is very nice, in my heart I know I don’t believe in magic so I’m thinking death is like an eternal TV static” - Lovely Thing Suite: Conversations “I thought I was an atheist until I realised I’m a God” - Whoa, Whoa, Whoa “I’m not Jesus Chist, but I can turn water into Kool-Aid.” - Drunk Text Message to God

[xsapphirestar]

MM fandom reminds me of MS fandom

Hahaha

MS used to be really popular 

like 10-12 years ago + 

until big bang patch , there were huge changes . 

in the year 2007 ~ 2010 ; 

i was quite new to MS at that point of time.

i was really a newbie, noobie and naive . 

in the year 2007 ~ 2008 , 

it was when i first discovered ‘bannedstory’ a free program for maple sprites. (kind of like mmd. free program but drawn models lolz) . 

so i played around with the program ; 

my first YT channel , where i uploaded almost everything i did with bannedstory and some other program i forgot . I used to be really desperate for subscribers too. not anymore. IDGAF ABOUT THE NUMBERS ANYMORE LOLZ. itz just numbers. 

i watched other users’ ms videos , i also discovered a paid program ‘ sony vegas‘ but since i couldnt afford it ( i was really young and naive ) //i’m still am// ^^;; //illegal// 

i played around with sony vegas, AND HOLY SHIT. sony vegas is such a COOL PROGRAM WITH ALL THE AMAZING EFFECTS & TRANSITIONS ! but it is a paid program . the full version is really expensive . 

in 2008 ~ 2009 

(dont rmb exactly when since it’s long ago) , i received many negative remarks , comments , criticisms . i was so affected by it that i deleted everything + my first youtube channel . i think it was my very first ? i upload almost everything i did with ms bannedstory there. i deleted that channel. i forgot the reason why i deleted it , since it is so long ago . but i dont think i regret it. a little part of me regretted it, cause i couldn’t see what my younger version of me did. :x 

i also deleted everything on my second channel until it is left with 2-3 videos.

im sorry for being such a noobie. sorry for being such a useless burden

yes idk why do i exist in this world . 

im such a trash . im useless . im a burden. i creep everyone out . nobody likes me . That happened like , 9-10 years ago , but i still remember those memories.

i guess im not meant to know people . im not meant to have friends . im meant to be alone . i dont deserve to know people . i dont deserve to have friends . im destined to be a loner4lyfe :’) 

sorry that i was born this way . 

even school made me thought this way … 

2011 ~ 2014 ; 

itz a traumatic experience for me . ; new ;

i meet new people , experience something new . i guess i was also going through a stage of puberty . 

towards the end of 2011 

My classmate abandoned me , she said she hate me . I began to overthink .why does she hate me ? am i a bad person ? did i do something wrong ? is it because of how i treat others ? how i treat my … friend ? i was mean ? i was being rude ? im useless ? im a burden ? how weird i am ? …  She was the first person who made the first move to talked to me in school . i guess i kind of like her , as a friend . she meant a lot to me . She is the first person who tried to be my friend during my school days , while the rest do not give a fuck and gave me ‘ i do not like you ‘ face , even their body language says it . i got kind of attached and used to her presence , because i’m not used to making the first move to talk to people , being around with people , hanging out with people in school . i’m kind of a loner . im kind of anti-social & sort of … shy . i have different personalities. i act differently in different situations. 

; 2012 ; 

When she said she hated me last year , she abandoned me . She started hanging out with my other classmate . And everytime she saw me  or when im close to her , she always make an excuse for me to stay away from her , and then gave me a blackface or that ‘ i do not like you ‘ look . hahaha

I guess there is a first for everything . I do not know how it feels having someone who did all these for me . itz a new experience for me . i feel lost ;; i do not know what this feeling was … 

i started playing an online game ‘ auditionsea ‘ in late 2010 , but got more focused & addicted in mid 2011 . 

I tried releasing my stress and emotional pain by playing auditionsea, because i do not know what i am feeling . I feel empty , hollow inside . i do not know what this feeling is. i feel … lost .It did not really work but it did pass the time . 

i also overthink a lot .  i kept thinking and thinking . i overthink so much that it fucked me up . i became more messed up . i tried acting not myself because acting myself will make me think more , and more emotional . im kind of a emotional person , to prevent me feeling even worse . i tried acting like a different person online… but it did not work and backfired . it still messes me up .i am so damn lost . i tried to become a different person irl , it is the same result .it backfired , did not work , making me even worse . i guess being true to yourself is the best ? … “ be yourself “ . everyone is different and unique . but i tried doing all that because of overthinking . i overthink , i think a lot . F m l . 

In this year 2012 , maplesea released a new class , ‘ phantom ‘ . I saw his cinematic trailer and animation . holy shit . He is such a cool class, and he steal skills ! I stopped playing MS temporarily because that game gets boring after awhile when you completed what you want to do . I have to admit, Phantom made me install back MS and i got addicted to ms again . I really like MS storyline and lore . His individual storyline is kind of good , itz like watching an anime but you have to play the game to read the story lolz . The art is quite good , I LIKED IT !! but i took fucking 3-4 years to reach level 200, cause i stopped playing temporarily at LV 150-170 + . i do not know where to train , lost motivation and my damage is really NOOB . PLUS I AM POOR AS FUCK and NOOB AS FUCK . After phantom class , they began to release more and more class and i kind of neglected the old class which i haven’t get to 200 yet. lolz.

I guess I am meant to be alone , i do not deserve to have friends . i sorry for being such a weird person okay . i am sorry for being born this way . idk why do i exist in this world , idk why am i born with this personality . idk why am i so useless . idk why am i such a burden . why am i so useless …i’m really useless. i am meant to be a loner i guess .

i guess that is why i became more anti-social . 

In mid 2012 - late 2012

In one of my school classes , i saw my friend crying . My other classmate saw it too , and he asked her why . She said her friend // my other classmate abandon her. She left her for another friend. I feel kind of bad. i thought i could finally feel good about it , seeing that she is finally feeling what i am feeling. But i just feel… bad.  I am meant to be alone , so that means im used to being alone … I’m used to feeling lonely, but i am not used to feeling empty, hollow inside. Hahaha. fml it feels like a part of me has been ripped out and it hurts so fucking bad . 

; In 2013 ;

In the beginning of the year , january , my school class has new sitting arrangement for everyone . I was chosen/paired with the same classmate . Idk, she acted like nothing has happened , like she had forgotten the hatred she has for me , and started talking to me again . Friends again ? i was confused . but it was only temporary . i guess all good things do come to an end . 

; 2014 ; 

everything’s gone once again . i became alone once again ~ i came to a conclusion that i am meant to be alone , nobody likes me , i creep everyone out . my classmate became really close to my other friend classmate . They both are close before , but closer this year … Hahaha . i felt like i’m a replacement . spare tyre . 

; 2015 ; 

I changed to a new phone on 12 January 2015 . That means my contacts are gone . I had to restart everything . Games , dl apps from playstore , new accounts , and other stuffz . 

; 2016 ; 

… i don’t know …. i feel so messed up !! LOST ;; LIFE GOES ON . NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS , LIFE GOES ON ANYWAYZ .HAHAHA FML . I had my very first IA / intern experience . :’) it was a challenging and new experience for me for 2 months lolz . That was also the period of time where i tried out MM ^^;; . i was curious so i tried out . Never knew i will love this game so much lolz . FUCK MY LIFE LOLZ.  i intend to tried the game out for awhile , like play the beginning intro , then uninstall . MM made me confused , especially the convo with unknown where he send the address to the player lolz . i intend to uninstall after i played the introduction / prologue , but ZEN made me think otherwise . ZEN is really welcoming and SWEET OMFG ~ he reminds me of phantom from MS . Because of him , i decide to play the game longer , and i got even more confused but i still play CUZ OF ZEN !! FML AND THE LONGER I PLAY , THE MORE I UNDERSTAND AND THE MORE I RELATE TO THE CHARACTERS AND I FELL IN LOVE WITH THIS GAME OMG LOLZ FML . I don’t even know how , itz just sort of naturally happened !!! FUCK ZEN :’( LOLZ JK. 

i guess i fell into a deep wishing well , unable to escape. a.k.a mm hell . 

…..

hahaha . 

i became more afraid . my fear increased . i developed a fear of talking/interacting with people . i  am afraid of making friends. im afraid of  making bad impressions . im afraid of opening up to people . im afraid of knowing people . im afraid the same shit will happen and i will go through it again

its not that i do not want to learn new things . 

(who doesn’t want to learn new things? it means you get to experience it and that means knowing more things. you’ll be more knowledgeable about the things you enjoy i guess)

 itz not that i do not want to learn . itz not that im being stubborn (i kinda am) . im just afraid 

afraid of making mistakes

i feel so useless . i feel so stupid . why do i exist in this world

maybe one day , when i am walking down the streets , some psychopath will stab me or a car will knock me down LOLZ . i doubt anyone will miss me . not my family . what friends ? what is friends . what is a human being ? my family will be so glad to see me dead if that ever gonna happen . im such a burden anyways . im useless .

mean people exists because to balance the good and bad in life .

but why do i feel that more mean people exist than genuinely nice people ?