#updated with the states! I have them in the submission form but you guys are right they should be in this post as well | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

rpbetter · 4 years ago

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Hey there, check out this pinned post first!

Thanks for visiting Roleplay Better, where I believe that you can fucking do better! That kind of language, however, is why it is important for you to read this post before proceeding.

This blog and its posts are meant for an adult RPing audience; be over legal, adult age in the USA, 18+. Do not interact by submitting, asking, reblogging, commenting, or liking unless you are over eighteen years of age. By interacting with RPB or me, Vespertine, you are assumed to be following this rule. If you are breaking this rule, you will be blocked.

I have that rule because this blog can/will/does address topics inappropriate for a younger audience. Those can include, but are not limited to:

not safe for work - violence, injury, sexual language, smut, substance use

“dark topics” and themes like violence, unhealthy relationships, mental illness, trauma, graphic injury, dubious consent, substance use, and so forth addressed realistically

foul, sexual, and otherwise “Adult” language

unpopular opinions and approaches about writing, RP, fandoms

“negativity” since literally anything can be, and my whole point here isn’t about holding back; it is likely that, at some point, in some post or another, a shoe will fit you-you need to be mature enough to handle that without taking it as a personal attack on you

images and links that may contain things inappropriate for a younger audience

this blog is founded upon the idea that fiction has reflections in reality, but that fiction does not utterly equate to reality. You should write with realism, your characters should be people in their own right, and you should absolutely be addressing many popular topics responsibly, which is to say realistically. I do not support or otherwise condone purity culture, so while realism is a big deal here, fiction = reality arguments are a no

seriously, you have no idea how fucking salty I am! I try to be fair, reasonable, and mellow with everyone, but it can and does come out.

This blog tags for common, major triggers, but it is not for those easily triggered or particularly sensitive. By proceeding, you take responsibility for yourself...like a mature adult. I expect you to utilize blacklist, unfollow, and block. Tag format is simple, it is literally just the word in most cases, with “cw” and “tw” added to particularly common things. Example, a post containing a breakdown of forms of dubcon will be tagged #dubcon #dubious consent. If that was specifically of a sexual nature, since tumblr is unfriendly to using Not Safe For Work now, I will be using #notsafe for sexual topics. In the event that this needs to change, it will be posted about, the previous tag left intact, so that you may update your blacklist.

You are always welcome to send me an ask or private message requesting a particular trigger be tagged for you. I try to check blogs I see following, especially if I follow back, so that I can tag what you require. However, I’m a person, I’m an ND, ill, busy person though, I do make mistakes!

If you find yourself desirous of telling me to tag in a hateful way, don’t. You will not be responded to with an apology and kindness. Do not be rude, it’s uncalled for when informing someone of a problem or making a request.

I will run the blog largely on a queue, and will not be following many people back. This is not personal! I just like to try to provide content at many different times, have a life elsewhere, and I am so happy that you love your fandom, but it might not be something I’ve enough interest in to have on my dash.

Don’t tumblr message me. Use the inbox or submit.

Due to recent events, I am changing this rule. It’s hard for me to receive messages unexpectedly, and I hate to imply that I’ll be able to get to these quicker because it isn’t the truth. Quicker, better responses come from the inbox. However, there have been too many incidents lately in which people needed to speak privately and had to make that a request. If you’re having a problem and need to vent, request sensitive advice, etc.? It’s alright, go ahead and drop me a PM, y’all. I’ll get back to you as soon as I am able. Please, do not be angry with me if I respond to inbox things or my queue is running! You’re important to me, I just might not have the requisite social cognition and energy you deserve at that time.

Aggressive inbox messages will be responded to in kind. I don’t care if you are on anon or not, if you haven’t an ounce of polite communication skills, I won’t have them either. This is not a “we don’t publish anon hate” blog.

I highly encourage asks and submissions on any and all RP topics, and it’s perfectly alright to be salty as fuck in them, you can totally vent here, but don’t take out your frustration on me or be demanding of me. I am always happy to help with information, advice, or just a response to your venting-it’s important to know someone is listening. However, it may take me a few days to a week to get to you, be patient.

If you are going to vent, leave out usernames. This isn’t a callout or burnbook blog. It’s fine to state characters and fandoms, but if this becomes a problem, it’ll have to change. I don’t want this becoming a salt blog for one or two fandoms I very likely can’t even stand. Practice the fine art of alluding to things, its good experience for your writing! Besides, RPC problems are RPC problems, I promise. It might feel like it’s just your fandom, but there is something relatable in all corners.

I will not overly police comments. Keep the slurs and shit out of it, though. If there is an issue going on pertaining to a serious instance of hate speech, or behavior I, personally, deem as too inappropriate and/or immature to be taking place on my post, I will step in. Otherwise, I expect everyone to be adults in the comments and reblogs too. If you want to argue with each other, that’s your business. If you want to argue with me, I’m not sorry in advance.

Addition to the above: this is not a blog in which it will be tolerated that commentators or those submitting with the URLS are targeted for callouts, shaming, or other instances of bullying. No, I cannot make those people stop bothering you by blocking them, but the least I can do is address that by shutting down their access to this blog and it’s posts by blocking on the URLs I have for them. And I will. Fuck that “we can’t be responsible for” shit. It’s my blog, it’s my content I’m putting out there, I’m not going to just ignore shit like what went down over on COAR, thanks. Not. Cool.

This is definitely not a place for:

people who think giving muses labels, including top/bottom “dynamics,” is a good substitute for character traits, personality, and development

those with no reading comprehension skills

folks dependent upon aesthetics and aesthetics-based purple prose as filler for actual writing

anti-original character/just wants to fuck a FC or canon character club, get the fuck out immediately

y’all who see writing as an obstacle to getting down to action, be that smut, drama, or fight scenes...it’s literally a writing hobby

politics, any manner of phobe or ism, violent/non-inclusive feminists, purity/rpc/fandom/content police of any manner, and exactly any manner of racism, sexism, or religious intolerance - I give not a shit if it’s popular to hate the straights, for example, I neither believe in nor tolerate reactionary classifying of any group as blanket-statement evil

people who are going to tack onto my posts shit like, “it’s okay, OP, you can say x character.” Trust me, if I were talking about one character, I fucking would name drop them, don’t bring me into your fandom drama, I doubt I know or want to know who that anime guy is who looks like 12 other anime guys to me.

About Vespertine

You can call me that, Vespertine. I’d rather you didn’t go with Vesper, but as it is unfortunately so likely to happen, I won’t feed you to the dogs over it either. RPB Mun is also acceptable.

I’m alright with either she/her or he/him, they/them is also fine. Apparently, that was big enough clue-in for the poor reading comp crowd, so while I feel it is not of importance, I’m nonbinary, yes.

Late 30′s, chronically ill but still working adult with neurodivergence. I’m both busy and Busy, and always sick. This limits my brain power and ability to be here. I have an active RP blog that I won’t be sharing to keep responsible distance. That is always going to be my priority, it is my primary hobby.

Please, don’t tumblr message me totally random things if we don’t have that kind of relationship! I’m too ill and busy, and it really fucks my nerves to have a bunch of messages/have to suddenly interact socially with people. Don’t do it. Use my inbox, use the submit, comment on posts. I cannot do random messages of “hey” and so forth.

I only do written RP, don’t expect me to understand much of anything from tabletop. I’ve RPed for the last 23 years consistently, on every platform from AOL chats to forums to messengers and here. I also don’t do RP in discord, so I’m sorry, but I can’t advise you much on anything with a word count, except to stop it for serious RP. Other than that, I promise you that I’ve seen the trends, the drama, the fandoms. I can give a lot of advice and perspective on a wide range of topics, situations, and characters! When I don’t have a clue at all, I’ll try to do enough research to give you an answer.

Do I come off as a horrible, strict asshole? I do! I’m not going to say that I am just a shy bean who is more scared of you than you are me. I’m not. I’m honestly feral, but have common decency, compassion, and sense. All of which are lacking in the general RPC. So, if you can inbox/common/otherwise interact with anyone else on this site, you can totally handle me!

Honesty and openness are policies.

And in the spirit of that, I repeat; you can fucking do better, tumblr RPC!

#pinned post #tumblr rpc #rph #rp help #rp advice #rpbetter

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fyeahjaysteph · 4 years ago

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📢ANNOUNCEMENT TYPE THING📢

Just a quick update on the state of the blog and the precious rare pair it's dedicated to 💖.

First thing, which is also the main reason for this post, there isn't much more content to reblog. Very sad, I know, but we all knew this day would come, content focused on Jason and Stephanie together in their many forms is, as the term rare pair suggests, RARE. Not to worry though, the blog isn't going to go dead or anything like that. It's just going to have to put out some original content.

Which means, the monthly prompts, which will continue on every month for any one to fill with any content focused on Jay and Steph at anytime. By the way, shout outs to both @river9noble and @nokomiss for filling those, they have many good fics even aside from their jaysteph works so be sure to check them out! There's even a tag on ao3 Tumblr:fyeahjaysteph which contains both of their contributions, and you're encouraged to use it too if you fill any new or previous prompts on sites other than Tumblr. The prompts aren't only for use in the months they were posted, so if you missed out on one and decide to try it out, your work will still be welcomed.

Also, fyeahjaysteph is going to start putting out some incorrect quotes everyday in between any new content that happens to pop up in the tags or on the archive. There are already a month's worth of incorrect quotes all queued up and ready to go out once the last of the reblogs are done. You guys can just take this post as blanket permission to do anything with those that you like. Submissions and asks are open so feel free to submit any you think go well with Jason and Steph whether romantically or platonically. Or you can just post it in the tags, and it'll get a reblog.

Lastly, but also very exciting, there is now a JaySteph discord server! The link will be reblogged soon, but seing as how those don't tend to be permanent, it might now work forever. The mods for the sever are @redjaybathood and @dn-ky so if the link does stop working, please get into contact with either of them for a new one!

The blog is always open to suggestions from all 95 of you (like ten times more than I thought there'd be). So if you have any ideas on how to improve it, or a kind of content you'd like to see more of, don't be shy. Maybe we can start with ideas for a celebration type thing in case we actually reach 100 😁.

#jason todd #stephanie brown #jaysteph #even robins #other #update

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phoenotopia · 5 years ago

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2019 August Update

"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the clouds." That's a quote ... that I think succinctly captures what transpired these past 2 months. A lot of progress... but the game is still not done >_<

(extra note: actual quote is land among the "stars", but stars seems like a higher goal was achieved, so I modified the quote).

Anywho, here are some of the things we have accomplished in the past 2 months.

--- ALBUM ART ---

With the sound track essentially done, Will requested some album art. So Pirate and I compiled a bunch of album art that we liked from other games, and from that Pirate made a bunch of concepts - and then we narrowed it down from there, with the 3 of us interjecting our opinions throughout the process, and Pirate doing all the heavy lifting. The album art will be revealed later. For now, here's a teaser of our initial brainstorm process.

(round 1 : brainstorming and concepts)

(round 2 : Survivors from round 1 progress a little more)

--- NEW BOSS ENCOUNTER ---

I thought the scope of what needed to be done for the game was settled, but while writing out the new ending sequence, one part started to drag. There was too much exposition, so after brainstorming a bunch of ways for how this new ending sequence could flow better, it became clear... There needs to be another boss encounter! This boss would really help the pacing of the scene, and it made nice thematic sense and tied up the game's whole story arc in a more satisfying manner. To avoid spoilers, I won't talk it too much, but here's a little silhouette teaser.

(hint: it's not a bat)

--- WRITING ---

Writing doesn't happen linearly since I'll skip around fairly often. It's a delicate balancing act - if I force myself to stick in one area before I move on, progress will grind to a halt, snagged on those last few unscripted lines due to writer's block. But if I skip around too much, the context switch takes some time in itself, and the game can't be enjoyed by playtesters. So for that reason, the beginning and ending sequences are now finished (excluding the credits roll...). But there's still a lot of middle parts to fill in and plenty of side quests still.

For example, there are ~90 NPCs in just Atai town. And each one will talk about 4 text boxes of dialogue (some more, some less). A bunch of NPC dialogue will also change when a big event occurs in the story. So there needs to be a healthy mix of NPCs that push the important story bits, NPCs that push side quest hints, NPCs that talk about geography or history, NPCs that are just for fun, etc. So there's a lot of variables to keep track of.

I've started thinking of better ways to manage it all. One of my new workflows is to use a spreadsheet.

Topics to cover exist in a column on the left. Lines to be spoken by NPCs are stacked to the right. A cursory glance at the spreadsheet lets me see which conversational topics could use more coverage, and so on.

I even took on new writing help in a young Mr. Cody. Taking on a new writer has been a process because it is not as simple as tossing them some NPCs and letting them run loose. There has to be a ramp-up period for the writer to become familiar with the lore and writing style. There are also unspoken rules about Phoenotopia's universe I implicitly understood and never had to think about. But now that I'm cooperating with someone, I've had to think about verbalizing what those rules are. It takes up more time, but in a weird way, having an outside perspective also helps me understand Phoenotopia more. I also find that I can push through my writer's block more easily when coming from a corrective angle.

I've been quite the strict taskmaster to the new writer, but he's been very resilient and teachable. He's also a great ideas guy. So look forward to Cody's contributions in the finished game!

--- PLAYTESTING ---

The long road of playtesting begins! As mentioned in my previous blog, my goal was to have my brother playtest the finished game during our trip. He didn't get to playtest the *finished* game, but he did get to playtest through a good 40% of it. The game is pretty complete in a linear fashion up until the 40% mark - after that, the rest of the game world exists but the NPCs have placeholder dialogue, and the cutscenes to connect the story events together are still unscripted.

But that wasn't too big a limitation because my brother only reached the 40% mark during the tailend of our trip. My brother preferred to play in 1-2 hour chunks throughout the trip (no marathon session on the plane as originally planned). I think it took him about ~15 hours to get through the game's first 2 chapters and a little extra - unfortunately, the game's timer bugged out so I don't have an exact figure.

Tons of useful information came out from his play test. I wrote down *127* things to fix based on his playthrough - some were small things, like adding more signposting. Others were big issues - a boss stage needed to be redesigned, a needed change to the control scheme, item dupe bugs, etc. I'll speak on some of the ones I've fixed so far here:

A. Warehouse Visibility Low

For some reason, when starting out my brother completely missed the warehouse where you'd find the starter weapon. He ran past it a few times. Upon inquiring him about it, he said he didn't think it was interactive. Sure enough, all the doors on the left start open, so I see how the misconception could form. When players experience a game for the first time, they're developing a mental image of the game's rules - what's interactive and what isn't. And this early on, the language for doors is still unclear. Per his suggestions, I made this door start open, and moved the camera's edge left a bit to make it less likely to be missed.

B. Eating instructions unclear

Another thing that didn't go as planned was the food eating tutorial. Early in the game, an NPC gifts the player a potato and asks the player to eat it there. After doing so, the NPC gives the player additional tips regarding food. But my brother actually just ran away with the potato so the rest of the tutorial didn't occur. But now with an additional subtle dialogue box, the player is more likely to behave as desired.

(If you design it right, the player won't know you're holding their hand at all)

C. Gear Ring Too Sensitive

youtube

One of the game's new features is what I now call the "Gear Ring". The player can equip 8 items to it and quick-access items/tools with a flick of the right control stick. My brother HATED this feature since it was too easy to flick it accidentally when reaching for the regular face buttons. I've now guarded the quick-equip behind an addition RIGHT-CLICK press. Add in a few more FX, and it now works and feels better!

D. Wrecker Too Hard

(In the old boss arena - the 3D printer on the ceiling just made the fight more confusing)

The game's difficulty to players is a big blind spot for me. My brother's no slouch when it comes to gaming. He's beaten all the Dark Souls games and he loves a challenge! So to see him get pulverized in 10 seconds (literally) was a clear sign that the boss was too hard. The boss is able to easily corner the player and there’s no clear opportunity to escape. So I've decided to rearrange the arena - get rid of the 3D printer above and add 2 platforms to the battlefield's edges. This makes the fight more manageable (for the first encounter).

E. Aerial Attacks Too Hard

(Each hit fills the meter at the bottom. Hit the speed bag 10 times in quick succession to win a prize!)

I love the current aerial attack system but there's a steep learning curve to it. Gail takes time to wind up her aerial swing so the player has to time it so that Gail's jump trajectory and swing coincide with the target. Swinging the bat too close to the ground will result in Gail not only failing to attack, she'll be punished with a short "landing lag" recovery state. So aerial attacks are hard it seems. Instead of revamping the system, which I'm still fond of, I've introduced an aerial training course disguised as a mini-game.

So that's a small snippet of some issues I'll sort through with playtesting. Once the game is further scripted, my plan is to do another round of playtesting, followed by fixing. Then rinse and repeat until the whole game is all polished. It seems there's still a long road ahead... So I apologize if I've gotten your hopes up!

--- FANART ---

Three new fan arts popped up in the last 2 months.

The first one is thanks to Cody. G, who's made many fanart submissions before. He continues to improve - really interesting choice of angle and great water effects!

The next two are thanks to Shafiyahh on reddit. Both depictions are of Gale in 2 different art styles and angles. I really like the sparkling effects! Gale also has 2 different eye colors. Which do you think is more fitting?

That's all for now. We'll continue working diligently, and be back with another update come end of September.

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prorevenge · 6 years ago

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Lawyer thinks he's untouchable. Ordered to pay $310,000 for wasting everyone's time.

Strap in - this has been a labour of revenge for me and for a number of people affected by a monster for more than 3 years. Throwaway as some redditor lawyers could work out who I am - and might still anyway.

It needs a fair bit of context/background (TL,DR at the bottom):

I'm a lawyer - and I specialise in litigation - basically fighting commercial/civil cases. It's a B-R-U-T-A-L industry. We fight each other tooth and nail. For example, if the lawyer on the other side makes a mistake (particularly an ethical one - which can be easier than you'd think) we, (well, a lot of us) do things like holding onto such a complaint so we can time it to arrive when it would be really inconvenient, say a week or two before trial. Then we lodge a complaint, to gain an advantage in the case - even if it ends the other lawyer's career.

Anyway, about 4 years ago I started a new job that was close to where I'd lived. I hadn't heard of the firm, but was ready for a change and they did a fair bit of litigation, which suited me.

I quickly worked out that the manager of the firm was next level sociopath/narcissist. This is an industry ruled by sociopaths, I've worked with them before - but this guy was insane. We'll call him Shithead or SH. The guy has a facebook page of ex-employees dedicated to hating him.

So in the short amount of time I worked there I worked this out pretty quickly. Some of the weird/shitty things he did:

His longest and most loyal staff he made pay EXTRA for any legal work, because it was "worth it" as HE looked over the file (although he never made any changes/did anything).

He used to joke with staff about padding out files and working out ways to charge clients extra (update letters/emails once or twice a WEEK) - he even accused me of cheating him by doing an appeal too cheap - it was $75k.

There was no sugar allowed in anyone's coffee/tea - as it might make you hyperactive...

He caused one of our staff to have a mental breakdown by abusing him (not yelling, but verbally breaking down such as "hmmm. I think you might be a bit stupid")

The firm went through more than 100 staff in 2 years.

He's sued his clients repeatedly for his inflated fees. He of course also sues you for his inflated costs of recovering the inflated fees, if you don't pay. And if he loses, he just appeals until you either go broke or give in because you've got what we call "litigation fatigue".

SH had one client, an old man, who died. The estate was administered, and there was a claim over the proceeds from a son who wasn't in the will. So $600k was placed into SH's trust account where he conducted the litigation. It took 4 years and cost $300k (should have been about $20k) - but the only person who could say no was the wife of the deceased, who was extremely elderly and sick. So after overcharging by about $280k, SH gets a call from the wife who says she's extremely sick and has to catch the bus to go to her doctor's appointments and she doesn't know how much time she has left. So what does SH do? Despite repeated requests, tells her he'll get around to it, never does, and keeps sending her bills for the requests to take the money out, and pays them from the remaining $300k. Slowly chipping away at it. Eventually, one of the staff took action and got her the $250k that was remaining from the $600k estate back - and SH was NOT happy. This was actually the staff member who later had a breakdown (didn't leave his house for 6 months) - and when I saw him after was clearly still unwell.

So by now you know we're dealing with a very intelligent, scary psychopath with the resources of a law firm at his fingertips. I quit pretty quickly - and we had a pretty fierce argument, but that's a story for another time.

It was personally terrifying. I now had no job, a massive mortgage on my new home and a newly pregnant wife. And only 1 month's worth of savings if I saved every dollar (not regular expenses). But even with all that I couldn't work for SH. He was just too much of a..... Shithead.

So I started my own law firm I had most of what I needed. Basically working out of my spare bedroom in my dressing gown. I figured if I could keep costs down and work hard on finding work I might be able to scrape by until I was either making OK money, or I could find another job.

Things worked out OK, I was getting by, doing a few small cases, I paid my bills and had some spare time.

So this is where it gets interesting.

A friend of mine (we met after I quit) who had also worked with/hated SH asked if I was interested in a case where SH was suing his ex-business partner. These proceedings weren't personal, not getting too complex, they were proceedings brought by companies. SH's company was a company of straw, it owned nothing. The ex-business partner's company held some assets.

Put simply, the details of the case were that SH was insisting that the ex-partner agreed to something that he clearly didn't agree to. I took the case. It's important to remember that SH's go to position, is he's smarter and richer than everyone else, owns a litigation law firm, and either crushes people with brains, money, or gives them litigation fatigue.

I spent a bit of time arguing with SH (by correspondence) that he was wrong, and there was clearly no agreement. SH then files Court docs that basically ask the Court to force us to recognise that there was a formed agreement.

The Court case took about 15 months, we won every battle along the way (we call them interlocutory applications). Then we got to the trial - and won that as well.

Because we'd set him up, we managed to also get an order of the Court that SH had to personally pay for the costs of the litigation - which was assessed at about $130k. He was very unhappy about this.

So, of course, he appealed. We were in the state's highest appeals Court. We won that as well - and got a personal costs order against him. For about $100k. So he then appealed to the highest Court in the land - think the Supreme Court of the US or UK.

Those costs were unfortunately only $80k.

So there's no where to go from there - he's still arguing the toss about the quantum of the costs orders. But in that time, my law firm is now twice the size of what his was, and his has more than halved. So I'm just getting paralegals to run the costs arguments, they're time consuming, but not complex.

The piece de resistance? I've filed one of those ethical complaints - you know, the ones that end careers. It's going to be extremely problematic for him - and he's about to be charged with a long, and may I say well drafted and comprehensive, complaint about all his unethical dealings. Worst case, he pays a fine and is publicly reprimanded by the courts. Best case - he's thrown out of the profession.

TL-DR - Terrible, terrible psychopath lawyer uses his law firm as a blunt weapon to beat people into submission. Tries and fails - costing himself (personally) over $300k in costs.

*Short edit - to people who:

think that I shouldn't say this - there is nothing privileged here - almost all of it, except obviously my personal experience, is contained in publicly published court documents. All you'd need to do is to log onto my state's/nation's judgment databases to find all these details. I'm comfortable that I'm not doing anything wrong.

Don't believe me - if necessary, I can provide the publicly available judgments to the mods. I'd rather not do it here - as I'd like to preserve some anonymity.

(source) (story by GOWThrowa)

#prorevenge #by GOWThrowa #pro revenge #revenge stories #pro revenge stories #pro #revenge #revenge story #last10

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endoftheworldpaul · 5 years ago

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It's still technically Wednesday for me so looks like we got another close call update!

@dbhrarepairs Here's my submission for day 3, wrong blind date.

Both Convin and Elijah/Leo bc I shouldn't brainstorm when I'm tired.

If you would rather read on AO3, you can click here!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/20611682

Again, I apologize, but I'm having serious troubles with getting the read more break in here if anyone has tips I'm willing to listen Google isn't helping.

EDIT: I FIGURED IT OUT. Well, really, I just went on my laptop bc mobile, for all its benefits for my schedule, is super confusing when it wants to be.

Usually, Nines is rather reliable. Always prepared, always punctual, always one step ahead of everyone else.

Just not this week. Finals week had, as always, was hellish for most students. Even Nines felt some of the end of the year panic. And by some, it was more along the lines of going into an over-studying craze.

One problem that accompanies what his close friends have dubbed The Dark Ages is that he takes on too many extra projects in a failing attempt to distract himself.

One such project is promising four very confused and stressed friends to set them up on blind dates. Four friends that, he decided, needed something new to distract from the stresses of life.

Friend number one—Gavin Reed, a police officer closing in on his second year out of police academy—was the one who unintentionally gave Nines the idea to play matchmaker.

On a cold Friday evening, their weekly "chill day," Gavin was complaining about his coworkers, as usual.

"So, there's this new guy, a transfer from Dearborn, who is so fuckin' annoying. Dude spends his entire fucking break, I shit you not, to gush about his wife. Just got married. Who cares? Lotsa people get married, why should it be such a big deal? So I say to him, "Why don't you spend less time rambling on about the missus, and more time solving fucking crimes?" And the asshole has the gall to tell me that I'd change my mind if I could keep someone around for more than a week! What a dick right?"

While Nines loved spending time with Gavin, he made conversations interesting and he was honest, he got into moods and would, for lack of a better word, be a huge bitch about things he didn't agree with.

Nines shot a glance towards Gavin, taking in his position sprawled out on Nines' couch, one leg dangling off the edge, fiddling with his phone. "I suppose the only option would be to prove him wrong then. Show that you can 'keep someone around for more than a week' and rub it in his face, good ol' Gavin Reed style." He scowled, "But who would be this mystery date?"

Gavin looked up from his phone, shooting Nines a confused glance. "Well, I 'spose it could be one of those friends of yours. You've got like a million, it can't be that hard to find someone who'll like me. Even if I am kind of a dick!"

Nines hummed in confirmation, mentally creating a list of potential dates for Gavin. He had a lot of pros and cons lists to make.

Friend number two—Connor Stern, a newer acquaintance of his—was the catalyst for the second half of what would eventually turn into Nines' biggest embarrassment.

Connor had been more forthright with his date searching. On one of their shopping trips, devised when they found out they both lived at the same apartment complex as well as frequently shopped at the same local grocery store, he had suddenly enquired as to whether or not Nines could find someone he could go on a date with.

"I suppose, since it's been so long that I've tried dating, that I should consider pursuing romantic relationships. Now that I am about to graduate from the academy, I have more time to do so. So you have anyone in mind whom you think I could form a serious connection with, whether it be more friendly or more romantic?"

At first, Nines was a little surprised. But he quickly overcame that because a wave of excitement washed over him. Since he began planning a blind date for Gavin three days prior, Nines had closely analyzed the personalities of all of his companions. In doing so, he had gotten closer to narrowing down who Gavin's date would be. To find Connor a potential date, all he would have to do is make minor adjustments to his list of complementary personality traits and hobbies.

He gave Connor a small smile in confirmation. "I think I can come up with a person or two."

After narrowing down his list of potentials for Connor, he had to ask friends if they would be available in the set few days Connor had confirmed he would be free.

Option one, a close friend and classmate, North Dufay, stated that she had to take over for a friend who was on vacation at the taekwondo studio she worked at.

Option two, local street artist Markus Manfred, was also unavailable. His father was accompanying him to an art gallery showing in Paris, where both artists would present new works.

That left one person. The third friend roped into Nines' disaster of a plan, Elijah Kamski, genius and programmer, and massive introvert. It had been at least three years, half of the time Nines has known him, since he had even attempted to socialize with anyone outside of his immediate friend group. Jumping from one project to the next, he had a habit of ignoring any of Nines' attempts at getting him to redirect his attention elsewhere and relax. Nines hoped that, by introducing him to someone new who would match his wit and appreciate his devotion to his goals, it would encourage him to pursue other minor hobbies and allow him to de-stress.

Connor, who was sarcastic and determined, seemed like a perfect match.

Finding Gavin a date took a little more thinking than it did for Connor; he had a less approachable personality. Grumpy and irritable, many of Nines' friends would be unable to withstand sharp jabs and brutal honesty long enough to get to see his protectiveness and ambition.

North might've been a good option, but she had prior engagements. Tina might've gotten along well with Gavin, but they had dated in high school and agreed that being friends was better for both of them. At first, Chloe seemed like she might be a good match, but she had recently come out as aromantic and asexual, so Nines ruled her out.

The only option left was the chaotic ball of energy that was Leo Manfred, Markus' half brother. When he was younger, Leo had been in a bad situation, but finding supportive friends and a good therapist that encouraged him to redirect his anger to something more productive had helped him find a purpose in life, create goals.

Now a full time student, well on his way to becoming a psychologist, he was likely to enjoy Gavin's sass and dorky jokes.

People paired up, all Nines had to do was organize the details of the dates. For Connor and Elijah, he decided that a less crowded, but not isolated café just off of the main streets would be perfect. Or, was that where he had planned Gavin and Leo's date? No, he was mostly sure that he had made reservations for them at a local restaurant by Gavin and Tina's shared apartment. He didn't have time to worry about it at the moment; he had a final to study for.

Connor had the feeling that something was going to go wrong. Nines hadn't told him his date's name to prevent him from looking him up on social media platforms and form any opinions on him before their actual date. He was just told that his date was about average height, with dark hair, often wore glasses, and had horrible posture.

So of course, when someone matching that exact description walked through the door six and a half minutes after their scheduled meet up time, he hesitantly waved.

The man, indeed wearing glasses, seemed slightly out of breath. He hadn't seemed to try to dress up, dressed in a faded gray, long sleeved sweater and wrinkled blue jeans.

Flopping down into the chair across from Connor, his date sighed, stuck a hand out to shake, and blurted out "I'm so sorry I'm late! My roommate let my cat outside accidentally and I had to chase her down the street so that I could get her home and by the time I did, I had lime fifteen minutes max, and I still had to shower and stuff and then i realized that my dryer broke in the middle of this last load so most of my clothes are either soaked or horribly wrinkled and I couldn't find a shirt that made my eyes look really good and I forgot to put my contacts in and… yeah. I'm so fuckin' sorry, I wanted to try to impress you but I'm doing a kind of shit job at that huh?"

Connor blinked a few times, trying to absorb the story his date, who still had yet to introduce himself, threw at him. He tried to smile reassuringly, and shook the still outstretched hand. "Well that seems like a horrible afternoon. It's a pleasure to meet you, I'm Connor. You're also a friend of Nines' then I suppose?"

"Oh yeah! Yeah I am. Uh, I'm Gavin. It's nice to meet you." Gavin shifted in his seat. "Sorry again for being late. It really isn't normal for me, I swear."

"Well it happens every one in a while. It's sweet that you care about your cat so much that you would go out of your way to looking for her like that. What's her name, if you don't mind me asking?"

Gavin gasped and frantically pulled his phone out, unlocking it. "Her name is Dana and she's a menace! Look, she's so fluffy!" He shoved his phone at Connor, who takes in the fluffy black mass, staring up at him through the photo. Her bright green eyes reflect a tiny image of Gavin, holding his phone to take the photo and squinting in concentration. Cute.

Connor smiles. "Well, that is the most gorgeous menace I've ever seen. She looks so soft."

"Oh she is. If I don't brush her every day, she gets violent." Connor snorts. "Ha, yeah it's funnier when you're not on the receiving end of her tiny little dagger-teeth. I should probably stop gushing about my cat; you'll think I'm crazy soon! So, uh, how did Nines describe me? Because he described you as, and I quote, a kind of tall, dark haired twink with a nice smile."

Connor chuckled. "It seems like the stress is really getting to him if he could only describe me as a twink with a nice smile. He was a lot more bland when describing you. He said you're average height, with glasses and dark hair and a horrible posture. Which, I mean, at least he's been pretty accurate with his descriptions, even if they do seem rushed."

Humming in agreement, Gavin asked, "Hey, what do you do? You got a job or you studying or what?"

"Oh I'm currently in the police academy. I wanna be a lieutenant someday."

Gavin wiggled in his seat. "Oh shit, I'm a cop too! I escaped the academy two years ago."

"Really? Oh that's amazing! Maybe we'll get to work together on cases. It would be nice to have made a friend or something when I graduate from the academy. So what do you do now? What's it like, being a serious police officer like that?"

They continued chatting for the next two hours, occasionally buying each other snacks and drinks. Connor was hesitant to end the date, suggesting they walk to the park or go watch a movie.

They spent most of the afternoon together, before Gavin offered to walk Connor home. Standing on the sidewalk by the front doors, Gavin slowly took hold of Connor's hands and stood on his toes to kiss Connor's nose.

"I had a lot of fun, I'd love to see you again" Gavin murmured.

A blush crept up Connor's cheeks. "Well it's a good thing I'm free next Saturday, because I do too."

"Oh, well that's good." Gavin sighed. "I'm gonna hafta leave soon, or else Dana'll throw a fit. I'll see you Saturday okay? Is seven good? I got a half brother who can hook me up with some fancy reservations if you'd like."

Connor squeezed Gavin's hand before hesitantly letting go. "Sounds like a date. I can't wait. Goodbye Gavin."

"G'bye."

Elijah was hesitant to go on Nines' blind date. In a hurry, he only said that his date was a smart kid, a couple years younger than Elijah himself, with dark brown, curly hair.

He didn't want the guy to think too highly of him or else he might want to schedule another date, and Elijah didn't have time for that. So, he decided to show up "accidentally" almost half an hour late. Pushing the café door open, his gaze immediately landed on a grumpy looking guy, maybe twenty-ish, who was slumped over his phone in a booth in the far back.

Shambling over to the grumpy kid, he asked "Are you Nines' friend? I'm here for the blind date."

Grumpy guy glanced up at him, grumbling a "Yeah that's me. You a little late there dude."

Slouching into the other side of the booth, Elijah quoted the excuse he planned out. "I'm sorry. My car wouldn't start, so I had to get a ride from a friend. Maybe I can buy you like a coffee or a sandwich to make up for it?"

"Well, you don't have to bribe me. If you're offering though, maybe a blueberry muffin and a caramel macchiato. And also a name?"

Elijah raised his eyebrows. This kid was more blunt than he was expecting. It was… nice. "Hmm I suppose that it makes sense to give you my name. Elijah." He paused. "Kamski." Some people knew who he was. It wasn't that surprising for a programmer as young as he is to catch the attention of mainstream media if they're successful, which he was.

"Leo. Manfred." Manfred, Manfred. Why did that name sound so familiar? "Are you gonna get my stuff or were you lying about that part?"

If he had wanted to make a better impression, he might've actually laughed at that. Instead, all he did was not and stand up, heading toward the counter. As he was walking, he glanced around the café, observing a small family, a couple teenagers working on homework, and Gavin? On a date. Hmm. That's something to tease him about later.

Returning to the table, he expected Leo to still be on his phone, but instead he was casually observing him. Might as well pass the time by talking. That usually pushes people away pretty fast. "You have a job? Studying?"

Munching on his muffin, Leo hummed. "Mhm. Psychology." Maybe this kid is smart. "Don't worry though, I promise I only psychoanalyze on the second date." Oh. He's actually funny. Maybe this won't be as bad as he thought.

Elijah allowed himself to smile a little at that. "Well, well, well, looks like I have something to look forward to." Elijah what are you doing? Did you just insinuate that you would like to go on a second date with this guy?

Leo chuckles and sets his muffin back down on its plate. "Well you still gotta impress me first. Bribery doesn't work with everyone. If this were the second date, though, I'd have a hell of a lot to say about the lying and avoidance of revealing personal details. But, like I said, that'll have to wait 'til the second date."

Definitely smart. More smart-ass though. That was more appealing than Elijah was expecting it to be.

He sighed. "Well, since you caught me, I suppose I'll have to share something for the class. I'm a programmer. I'm currently working on developing AI tools that will recognise voices to activate or shut down household items, like a stove that shuts off to protect young children from lighting their homes on fire."

"That sounds pretty cool actually. Gotta babyproof the fancy smart-technology. I was expecting you to be something lame, like a very antisocial plumber or a dentist or something, but you're not that boring I guess."

This time Elijah couldn't stop himself from laughing. Maybe, just maybe, he'll let himself enjoy this date. "'Not that boring I guess' is a compliment of the highest caliber, coming from someone as attractive as you." Why not go full flirt, if he wants this to go well.

"Keep talking like that and I'll be swooning into your arms in no time. Seriously though, be careful, I'm starting to like you. That would be horrible, wouldn't it?" Leo raised an eyebrow.

Elijah smiled a little. "I guess it wouldn't be that bad. I think I'm starting to like you too." He snuck a piece of Leo's muffin, then hummed in delight. "That is a phenomenal muffin. You've just been hoarding it all for yourself over there? You are a cruel and unjust monster. Gimme more."

Snickering, Leo smacked Elijah's arm away from the plate. "Only nice dates who ask nicely get to share muffins."

Elijah sighed. "Well I suppose if it's for a muffin of this quality, it will be worth it. I would like some muffin."

Leo didn't budge.

"...Please?"

At this, Leo broke off a large chunk of the muffin and handed it to Elijah. "Well, since you asked so politely, I guess I'm required to give you some now. It's good date behavior. Gotta be good if I want ya to stick around I 'spose." He smirked. Then he glanced at his watch, a rather shiny silver. "Oh shit, I gotta go. I'm house-sitting for my half-brother and I gotta feed his birds."

Elijah hesitated in saying goodbye, even as Leo rushed to clean up. Suddenly standing, he blurted out, "Maybe we can schedule that second date?"

Leo paused, looking up at him. For a few seconds, Elijah thought he was going to decline the offer, but then he straightened his spine, smiled softly, and said, "Meet me at that Italian restaurant off of Main, next Tuesday? 6:30?"

"It's a date. I'll see you then. I'll accompany you to your car." The both of them walked side by side, just close enough that every once in a while, their knuckles would brush up against each other. Parting with a wave, Elijah started planning what he would do to show his thanks to Nines for forcing him to do this dumb blind date thing, because it seemed that it wasn't as dumb as he originally thought.

When Nines ran into Connor in the hallway, he had to see how the date went. "So, what did you think of Elijah?"

Connor froze, turned to look at Nines, brow furrowed, and asked, "Who the fuck is Elijah?" Uh oh.

#dbh #dbh rarepair day 3 #dbh rarepair week #dbh connor #connor rk800 #gavin reed #Convin #elijah kamski #leo manfred #leo x elijah #leo manfred x elijah kamski #eli n gav are half brothers #everybody's human

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dustedmagazine · 5 years ago

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Dust Volume 5, Number 9

Tropical Fuck Storm

Just like that, summer’s over and we face a growing pile of late 2019 records. But before that, before we drag ourselves like kids to school into the second half, a moment to appreciate what’s accumulated. This month’s Dust touches on groovy jazz tuba, punishing hardcore, a bracing industrial reissue, altered percussion and an OG Tuareg guitarist. Contributors this time around include Isaac Olson, Ian Mathers, Jennifer Kelly, Jonathan Shaw, Bill Meyer and Andrew Forell.

Joseph Allred — O Meadowlark (Feeding Tube)

O, Meadowlark by Joseph Allred

Plenty of people get the tag American Primitive Guitarist stuck on their rump these days. It’s not always appropriate and it’s not always welcome, but it adheres to Joseph Allred with the fastness of the truth. Allred, a Tennessean who currently pursues higher learning at Boston College, understands that whether you use mountain music or raga-derived form as your framework (and he uses a bit of both, alternating between skeletal banjo figures and rushing guitar fantasias), the music has to project something beyond the notes. O Meadowlark not only evokes a cascade of emotions, some explicit and others allowed and bent until they’re beyond name, but he exerts an opposite pull. Like Robbie Basho or Steffen Basho Junghans, he draws the listener through the sound hole and into the tones and overtones that carom about the insides of his guitar. Climb inside; like a Tardis, it has room for all.

Bill Meyer

Caterina Barbieri — Ecstatic Computation (Editions Mego)

Ecstatic Computation by Caterina Barbieri

The title of Caterina Barbieri’s third LP suggests a congress of emotional states and cognitive processes; total neural action, you might say. The sound of the thing suggests another, maybe more personal integration. She favors massive, echo-haloed electronic sounds, the sort that would set off all manner of madness in the disco if only she’d subordinate them to a sufficiently clubby beat. But instead she juxtaposes them with wordless female vocals (not her own) and switched-on harpsichord sounds which lock together with a structural logic that probably comes natural to a person who grew up studying classical guitar. And while the sounds promise abandon, the way they lock together requires submission to a Bach-like allegiance to order. Promise delivered.

Bill Meyer

Theon Cross — Fyah (Gearbox Records)

Fyah by Theon Cross

Tuba player Theon Cross was the secret weapon of last year’s excellent Your Queen is a Reptile, by The Sons of Kemet. Fyah is Cross’s debut as a band leader, and if the melodies occasionally sag, Cross and company generate more than enough energy to keep you, if not intently listening, grooving. Like many in the London jazz scene, Cross has no qualms about pulling in sounds from everywhere, and while not every experiment works (the synths and trap beats on “Panda Village” don’t add much), it keeps Fyah feeling fleet and admirably populist. Cross’s commitment to bring the tuba back to our attention and good graces is admirable, and he’s certainly the right guy for the job, but for better or for worse, he suffers the fate of all lower register players: disappearing when played back at anything less than high volume. As such, the real MVP on Fyah is tenor saxophonist and fellow London hotshot, Nubya Garcia. Fyah is a good record. It gets better the louder you play it.

Isaac Olson

Drugs of Faith — Decay (Selfmadegod Records)

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Drugs of Faith have been making records like Decay, their new EP, for quite a while now. The record is full of crossover hardcore that pushes on the pressure points of crust and sludge. It’s grimy, gritty, sweaty stuff and it’s really good. The focused truculence of a song like “Anonymity” sharpens rather than overwhelms the tune’s tendencies toward melody, and what a frigging breakdown. The whole 7” — all ten minutes of it — is terrifically punishing. Or maybe it’s punishingly terrific. Whatever it is, it goes by quick. But that’s cool, you’ll just flip it and play it again. And like a live hardcore set, music this intense is best enjoyed in small, gut-thumping doses. Toward the end of the excellent track “Nihilists,” singer Richard Johnson (who also plays guitar) growls, “If I go down, I’m taking you all with me.” Sure sounds like he means it.

Jonathan Shaw

Help — Help (Self Released)

Help by Help

One advantage to keeping songs short and lyrics anthemic is that you can throw a whole lot of sludge into the works and still end up with tunes that folks will remember the next day. Portland noise-punk band does this six times on their quite good debut EP, Help. No surprises here, just grimy, coruscating punk that sounds amazing when you’re reading the latest update on our slide into oligarchy/kleptocracy/kakistocracy/planet death/what have you. Best of all is their theme song, which softens up a traditionally macho genre with some very welcome, very 2019 vulnerability (Complete lyrics: “Help!/I fucking need it!/You know I’ve battled but it’s all I can take!”) and the closer, “Class War Now” which is about… well, you know.

Isaac Olson

HTRK – Nostalgia (Fire Records)

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Nostalgia is the self-released 2004 debut EP by Australian experimental trio HTRK (Hate Rock Trio). Nigel Yang (guitar, programming, electronics), Jonnine Standish (voice, percussion, samples) and Sean Stewart (bass, programming, samples) produce seven tracks of heavy, noise intensive electronica with echoes of Throbbing Gristle, Pan Sonic and Suicide. Physically and psychically crushing, the tracks move at a funereal pace with waves of static and feedback crashing against bottom end bass, percussion and drum machines as Standish’s voice intones from a cave, a cross between Lydia Lunch and Alan Vega. Instrumental opener “Hate Rock Trio” begins quietly with the ticking of a clock, a time bomb with crashes of distorted percussion. Thereafter the song titles tell the story of the EP. Run together they form both a record of, and a demand to acknowledge, damage inflicted: “Look What’s Been Done/Look Down the Line/Look At That Girl/Look At Her/You Injured Me/I’m All Broke Up.” The intensity builds with each track as feedback and samples scratch atop thickening layers of black sludge. Re-released by Fire Records, Nostalgia is a bracing experience with a palpable sense of menace.

Andrew Forell

Max Jaffe — Giant Beat (Ramp Local)

Giant Beat by Max Jaffe

If a curious listener was told Max Jaffe only used one instrument to make Giant Beat, they’d be forgiven for guessing something like a modular synth. Instead, it’s drums, but in a way that makes the question maybe a little bit of a cheat; Jaffe, drummer for JOBS, Elder Ones and others, was also a beta tester for something called Sensory Percussion that allows percussionists to use their instruments to trigger sounds and samples in a way that feels analogous to the chromatic, sometimes abrasive playing Ian Crause and Disco Inferno did with sampling. Of course, with a drum kit and that kind of setup, Jaffe can generate a whole album just by himself in a different way than you might get with, say, a singer and an acoustic guitar. Giant Beat dips its toes into various experimental waters, jazz here, electronics there, noise and musique concrete there, but always with the steady pulse of Jaffe’s one-take percussive playing behind it. The result feels like anything but a product demo; if anything, it feels like a new type of voice articulating itself.

Ian Mathers

Ocean Fanfare — First Nature (Barefoot)

First Nature by Ocean Fanfare

Whether you take the words First Nature as a prescription of priorities or a stern reminder of who is best equipped to play the long game in the battle between humankind and its environment, this is a record with a message. But since that message is being relayed via horns, bass, and drums, which play melodies that wind and ascend, one must exercise one’s emotional antennae to decode the vibe. Both trumpeter Tomsz Dabrowski and alto saxophonist Sven Dam Meinild are equally facile with post-bop tunes and extended technique explorations, and the shuttles between these poles gives the music a questing quality. They’re methodically seeking, not giving up hope, and the inventive ways they maintain balance on the fly suggests that they’re conscious of what tools will come in handy if people are going to survive.

Bill Meyer

Abdallah Ag Oumbadougou — Anou Malane (Sahel Sounds)

Anou Malane by Abdallah Ag Oumbadougou

One of the original Tuareg guitar heroes, Abdallah Oumbadougou recorded these dreaming, droning, melancholic-with-a-swagger tunes in Benin in 1995 with the West African producer Nel Oliver. It was a step up for Oumbadougou, who had previously recorded mostly on boom boxes in encampments during breaks in the Tuareg rebellion, but the songs, even embellished with electronics and studio effects, have a raw, lonely power to them. “Thingalene” drifts towards funky pop in its syncopated drum machines and squealing synths, but Oumbadougou’s voice carries over time and distance with a bracing authenticity. Other tracks, like “Tenere” splice the echoing snap of gate-reverbed drums to a beat that sways like camel caravans; the guitar work here is particularly fine. On its original release, Anou Malane introduced the world to the Tuareg’s keening, ambling desert blues; now it reminds us that artists like Tinariwen and Terekaft and Mdou Moctar are interpreting and extending — not inventing — a vibrant art form.

Jennifer Kelly

Savage Republic —Gods & Guns (Mobilization)

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Savage Republic doesn’t pack the band schedule very tightly nowadays. The band, currently a quartet (Thom Fuhrmann, Ethan Port, Alan Waddington, Kerry Dowling), took the whole of the 1990s off and has made just two albums in this century. But when they do make a record, it hits hard. In days gone by they sounded like Rhys Chatham fronting the Ventures on an album of Aegean surfer themes, but now they sound just a bit like Michael Gira fronting Echo & the Bunnymen in some Bladerunner-like hell of a dark hole. “God & Guns,” sung in dire and reverb-swaddled tones by Fuhrmann, articulates understandable dismay at the twin lumps of stinky meat that are being held in front of the vast heard of fascism-embracing Americans. The instrumental on the flip is named “Tranquilo,” but you won’t rest while they’re charging you, driven by chain-gang shouts, oil drum lashes, and epically massive bass. Heavy shit for heavy times.

Bill Meyer

Sleeping Ancient — There Is No Truth But Death (Viridian Flame)

There Is No Truth But Death by Sleeping Ancient

In any number of ways, black metal and the horror fiction of H.P. Lovecraft are a good match. The overweening interest in darkness and unnamably horrific, indecipherably complex forms; the highly abstruse mysticism; the tinge of troubling racism and anti-Semitism — it’s sort of uncanny. Sleeping Ancient aren’t the first black metal band to express a deep appreciation for Lovecraft’s weird fictions. Heck, they probably aren’t even the tenth or the fiftieth. But if they’re not breaking any new ground, thematically or musically, at least they’re making good songs. Check out the grand dirge of “Akeru,” or the slow but assured drift, from frigidly delicate melody to batshit intensity, that forms “Taphephobic Hallucinations” (taphephobia, by the way, is crippling fear of the grave—not death so much as the gravesite itself). The songs are typical of Sleeping Ancient’s mannered but powerful playing, which the band sustains across the whole of There Is No Truth But Death. It’s a good record to play as we wait for Cthulu. Judging by current conditions, we won’t have long to wait.

Jonathan Shaw

Sore Points — Not Alright (Slovenly)

SORE POINTS "Not Alright" EP by Sore Points

If you miss the Marked Men, how ‘bout some hard, fast punk rock from Vancouver? This four-song 7 inch, following a 2018 self-titled on Deranged, snarls and stomps with feverish fury, making the most of its double drummed, guitar stabbed, bass whomped basics. You’d infer a few battered Ramones records in the rec room, but also punks both harder core and more melodic—Black Flag on one end and the Buzzcocks on the other. “Not Alright” rampages at blur speed. The drummer, whoever he is (Sore Points are not big on self-promotion), gets a monster workout here, but really everybody is pushing about as hard as it goes. “Not Coming Back,” is likewise accelerated, but in an anthemic, memorable way. As a non-professional, you’d kill yourself trying to keep up playing these songs, but you can sing along, no problem, after just one or two spins.

Jennifer Kelly

Tropical Fuck Storm — Braindrops (Joyful Noise)

Braindrops by Tropical Fuck Storm

“Braindrops,” the title track from this second Tropical Fuck Storm album, slinks and rattles and backpedals, its rhythm complicated and syncopated, its stream-of-consciousness lyrics about dreams and waking (“But you gotta get up because time is nagging like a dog humping your leg”) as tangled as the polyrhythmic beat. There’s a slant of ska in the bass, a dissolute hint of post-punk in the cracked vocals and a baroque inclination to stuff things to the gills in the overload of just about everything. Tropical Fuck Storm tilts recognizable forms so far over that they always seem to be careening into chaos. A hip friendly bump of bass and drums is just a landing pad for guitar noises that crash, still burning, to the ground. Even the ballads (“Paradise” both “Marias”) teem with noise and dissonance. Braindrops is never an easy listen. It verges, fairly often, on the unpleasant. But in a world where everything spins down to a grey Spotified entropy, it’s a prickly, fascinating, mess of bright colored wires; go ahead cut one and see if it explodes.

Jennifer Kelly

Various Artists — Greys (Anachronisme)

Greys by Field Guides

In this day and age, if one even wanted to put together a new “We Are the World,” where would one start? Leverage Models’ return to music last year with the phenomenal Whites was partly so that previously-shelved record could raise money for the Southern Poverty Law Center, and here the band and Anachronisme Records are at it again. Raising money for the Mohawk Valley Resource Center for Refugees this time, instead of trying to rope everyone they know into one big aesthetically-dubious singalong, they’ve put together with any number of friends a smorgasbord of 21 tracks all somehow ‘in conversation’ with the music on Whites. There are plenty of intriguing covers, remixes, and other deconstructions, from Field Guides’ glowing, pastoral version of “If I Let You Stay” to the menacing buzz of DOV’s remix of “Dark Pools,” to Concierge Records and The Working Elite’s “transatlantic meditation” on the feeling of the first song on Whites with “Day Two,” as well as two unreleased tracks from Leverage Models. Then there are the contributions that just engage with the emotions and stories of the original album, like Courtship Ritual’s haunting “Uncle Incision” and William Tyler’s gorgeous “She Swims in Hidden Water.” There’s a lot here to absorb, but even if you’re not familiar with the source material it all stands on its own, even as it’s still one of the most intriguing expansions of an album in recent memory. Not to mention hopefully a more effective way to help a good cause.

Ian Mathers

avery r. young—Tubman (FPE)

tubman. by avery r. young

avery r. young brings the sizzle in this paean to African-American musical traditions from skanky funk to body-moving R&B to soul-on-fire gospel, complete with a full choir. The multi-talented Chicagoan took inspiration from his own book—Neckbone: Visual Verses—from Nina Simone and from the singer Jamila Woods, whose superlative pipes provide the uplift of many of these cuts. “Maasai” slouches so far into a smouldery blacksploitation groove as to be nearly horizontal, all evil wah-wah’d twitch and rumbling bass and slashing lightning bolts of disco strings, while “go'head mary & weep” takes things to the church with a massive harmonized swell. young himself has a fine, fluttery, emotionally nimble tenor, shades of the Reverend Al Green in his supple phrasing, but his songs take flight when they’re sung by a crowd, as on the spiritually stirring “lead in da wattah” and especially, the monster highlight “get to know a nina simone song” which rolls on like a doo-wopping, gospel-quarteting freight train right on to Mississippi. God damn, indeed.

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ichigopanhpff · 5 years ago

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BNHA Fic: Blink! Ch. 7

Read Ch. 6 | Masterlist

Early update today since I have stuff to do tomorrow.

SPOILER ALERT: This chapter officially begins the Shie Hassaikai (The Eight Precepts of Death) Arc. We finally get to see Ren in action as a hero this chapter. You’ve been warned!

After Fat Gum’s formal submission in accepting Ren and Kirishirma as his interns were processed and approved by U.A., the two made their way down to Kansai with their hero costumes in tow. Amajiki met up with them at the office to give them the general rundown of the routine.

“When you wear your costumes out in public, you’re officially heroes,” the third year firmly spoke. “So be sure to address each other by your hero names if you want to protect your identity. We start patrol in ten minutes.”

“Yes, sir!”

The two interns entered their respective spaces to change into their costumes and reemerged a few minutes later. Kirishima’s costume had been mildly fine tuned since its alpha stage, adding loosely draped sleeves on his arm to protect civilians from his quirk when it activates. Ren’s, in hindsight, looked more mysterious; she donned a bi-colored hood of a dark gray-blue on the outside and crimson red on the inside with a leather eye mask on her face. The rest of her costume consisted of a black leather bolero vest with cutout sleeves, matching black slacks and utility bag with a silver stylized “B” as her belt buckle. Her velcro strapped steel toed boots had red accents at the top. A pair of arm guards the same color as her top with a loose leather strap and chrome metal bangles made up her accessory.

She looked like a cross between a ninja and a medieval vigilante warrior.

“Oh, you got rid of that weird cape scarf on your shoulder,” Amajiki remarked when he saw her costume.

“I had to lessen the drag resistance when I use my quirk,” Ren stated, brushing off some non-existent lint on her shoulder. “And I improved the durability of my guards after my last spar with Tomoe.”

“If you wanted more speed, you could’ve worn a body suit,” Kirishima commented, making her blush furiously and looked down.

“It… shows too much I don’t wanna show,” the girl quivered out her response, remembering the alpha version of her costume. The boys couldn’t stop gawking at her during and after their training session in her first year.

“Ah, that body suit...” Amajiki remembered. “You must’ve had a lot of trouble with that.”

“If it weren’t for Tomoe and Seri scaring the boys off, I’m sure the harassment wouldn’t have stopped and I’d still be eating lunch on the rooftop by myself,” she uttered. “Using the bathroom with it was a pain, too.”

Their conversation was interrupted with Fat Gum’s entrance into the main office, prompting them to make final preparation for their nightly patrol on the streets of Esuna-shi. Making their way down to the main street, Kirishima softly called Ren.

“Ren-senpai… I just realized I don’t know your hero name. I mean, you know mine so...”

“It’s Blink.”

“Short and easy to remember. Got it, Blink!” He flashed her a toothy grin with a thumbs up.

“Keep a keen eye on your surroundings, young’uns,” Fat Gum reminded. “Anythin’ can happen once the sun goes down. There’s no shortage of gangs and street punks as of late. You guys came at a good time, honestly. The heroes ‘round here don’t like to fight much.”

“We’re happy to be here,” Red Riot enthusiastically replied with vigor.

“We’ll do what we can to help,” Blink calmly replied.

While Fat Gum, Suneater and Red Riot were immersed in conversation, Blink continued to scan the premises for anything suspicious, a habit she formed after interning with Hawks. An area with lots of civilians hustling and bustling around the streets would be a perfect cover-up for a getaway in the form of a commotion.

All of a sudden, the four heard someone screaming, “It’s a fight! Someone help!”

Quickly turning to the source of the outcry, they saw a group of thugs in loose business clothing running away from something.

“Let’s split up!” one shouted, prompting the four to get into the action.

Fat Gum managed to stop three with his body as another slipped his grasp by using his quirk, to which Suneater easily took care of with his ability, Manifest. Blink ran ahead and tapped her bangles together, forming a pair of T-batons before teleporting further to incapacitate a bigger gentleman wearing a hat and sunglasses by slamming her weapon at the side of his face at full force, knocking him unconscious.

All Red Riot could do was stand around in the midst of chaos. He understood even though Amajiki-senpai was the way he is, he was the real deal. And so was Ren. This was what he meant by being a hero without hesitation. He was in awe and looked further down to see the hooded heroine standing on top of a giant man’s shoulder, kneeling down to take his pulse. The boy didn’t even notice how fast she moved in taking control of the situation.

“I… did good, didn’t I?” he heard Suneater’s voice tremble out as he reverted his tentacled hand back to its original form.

“You were awesome!” Red Riot praised. “You whipped out your quirk so quick too...”

“If you’re talkin’ about ability alone, Suneater’s already outclassing most pros! He just needs to be mentally stronger!” Fat Gum replied after assisting an officer in taking away the culprit he stopped.

A roaring cheer came from the civilians, making Suneater shake from nervousness. From a short distance, Blink saw a glint of metal reflecting from the lights at her vantage point.

“Fat Gum!” she shouted and saw a guy in the crowd holding a gun aimed at them.

“Get down!” The rotund hero warned as the shot fired, hitting Suneater in the left arm. The assailant fired again, this time at Red Riot’s head. Luckily, his head guard ricocheted the bullet off.

“You’re mine!” Red Riot angrily bellowed as he activated his quirk.

The shooter looked at his gun and panicked as the crowd were sent into a screaming frenzy, some shouting “A hero’s been shot!”

Blink immediately teleported to Red Riot and Suneater’s side, taking a defensive stance.

“Suneater! Are you okay?!”

“It didn’t hurt like it was supposed to...” he wearily blurted out and gingerly sat up from the ground.

The criminal quickly made his getaway in the crowd, with Red Riot and Blink hot on his trail. Fat Gum trailed not too far behind and gave Suneater instructions to take care of the situation, but stopped in his steps when he revealed his quirk wouldn’t activate. It couldn’t be…

The chase was on with the remaining two heroes, with Red Riot taking the main street and Blink taking to the rooftops for a better vantage point.

“Stay back! Stop followin’ me!” the shooter screamed.

“How about you stop running, then?!” Red Riot replied.

“You idiot, don’t engage in a conversation with him,” Blink muttered to herself, keeping her pace up and beamed herself across three buildings.

Scanning further down the street, she saw they were going to turn up to a dead end. She ran further ahead to create a pincer attack formation. Catching the momentum of her run, Blink leaped off of the rooftop and phased down to the street, facing the scared assailant with a glare.

“End of the line, scum.”

“Give it up!” Red Riot shouted from behind him.

In a heightened state of fear, the man activated his quirk with blades emerging from his forearm and attacked Blink first, only to have it intercepted by her batons. She followed up a punch to his stomach. He stumbled backwards and tried his hand at Red Riot, only to be intercepted with his Red Counter.

“I held back, so come quietly, you bastard!”

The redhead’s guard softened the moment they heard the criminal sobbing on the ground, complaining about his quirk and all he wanted to do was save his bros from getting caught despite how scared he was. Red Riot consoled him as what seemed like his resolve being broken was merely a facade as Blink quickly noticed something sliding down his left sleeve and into his palm.

“Get away from him!” she shouted but it was too late.

The man stabbed something into his neck and violent convulsed in place.

“What’d you do?! What did you inject into yourself?!” the boy exclaimed and ignored her warning.

Within a millisecond, Blink dashed and tackled Red Riot by the torso and teleported to a safer distance as blades extended out of every part of the enemy’s body. The newly formed weapons nicked both of them on the arms and stabbed through a space in Blink’s hood before they fell to the ground with a soft grunt.

“You moron...” she groaned out and pulled herself off of him. “Don’t talk to villains like they’re your friends!”

He looked up to see her face was grazed by the blades, with small droplets of blood rolling down her right cheek. Her hood had been sliced, revealing her disheveled rose-gold hair.

“You’re lookin’ a bit ragged there, Red Riot,” she joked upon noticing his headgear had pretty much disintegrated from the close range attack. “Sure you can still fight?”

The boy gingerly stood and regained his composure, flashing a determined grin at Blink and replied, “It’s gonna take more than a few blades to take me down.”

The two turned to face the villain, who was currently smiling madly with power, with blades extending out about 5 meters in diameter. At that moment, Red Riot realized this was a dangerous situation for onlookers. He looked down at Blink and saw her expression immediately changed into something fearful. If anyone were to see her right now, they’d think she was the villain.

Her usual warm and friendly hazel-green eyes were sharp and vindictive, glaring fiercely at their opponent.

She knew all too well what this was: Trigger, a type of quirk booster.

The fuel to her anger burned slowly in the pits of her stomach. Quickly putting her batons together at the tips, her weapon transformed into a long staff and stamped it on the ground with a heavy thud.

“Let’s end this quick.”

“Everyone, get back!” he turned to warn the civilians nearby. “Get to a place where the blades won’t get you!”

The villain made his first move by shooting his blades at a distracted Red Riot, only to have Blink intercept most of them with her staff by smashing down on it; the stray few sent him sliding down the street. The blades ended up cutting him in his current hardened form.

“You got cocky, kid! Acting all high any mighty, preaching about justice!” he boasted madly. “It’s just like my bros said: the age of heroes is coming to an end!”

Catching a glimpse of Red Riot’s current status, she assumed he must be feeling vulnerable and decided it was best to regroup with him before jumping back into the fray.

“Harden your heart, Red Riot,” she uttered out to him in an earshot. “Make yourself something nothing can take down. Not even All-Might himself.”

Her words brought him back to the conversation he had with his friends a while back about his quirk’s weaknesses due to the lack of attacks he had. But then he suddenly remembered Bakugou’s words:

“If you refuse to go down, it means you’re stupidly strong.”

Concentrating all his energy, his body morphed into layers of hardened skin; his hands turning into monstrous claws, his face a shell of its former self. His body contorted into something new. While he was building up his quirk, Blink used herself as a decoy in deflecting all the blades currently shooting their way and caught a glimpse of reflection from one of them.

It was time to use one of her ultimate moves: Ricochet.

It allowed her to teleport into any reflective surfaces at nearly the speed of light. It’s a move that has superlative defense and best used as a distraction.

Beaming and weaving through the forest of blades, the villain found his attacks were slowly becoming ineffective. Upon some hitting Red Riot, he screamed in pain and fell backwards. Blink reverted to her physical form, panting. Looking to her side, she saw the new version of Red Riot.

One who was now Unbreakable.

#bnha kirishima #bnha tamaki #bnha fatgum #bnha fanfiction #mha fanfiction #mha kirishima #mha tamaki #mha fatgum #my hero academy fanfiction #boku no hero fanfic #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #ichigo bnha-fic #bnha oc #mha oc

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roidespd-blog · 5 years ago

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Chapter Three : THE DESOLATION OF THE GRINDR USER

« Grindr is a sociopath nest », Anonymous

Grindr was launched on March 25, 2009. About a month or so earlier, I lost my virginity to the sweetest guy you could imagine. I met him on what we could consider one of Grindr’s ancestors, Gaypax— I still have that account, out of nostalgia. The design is so ugly I wonder now how I did spend so much time on it (we weren’t picky back then…) So Grindr was born at the exact time my sexual and romantic life was unfolding. It means that, except for the few years I’ve spent frenetically masturbating to La Redoute’s underwear catalogues and downloading dirty pictures of Brad Pitt naked with a very slow wifi, I’ve always been accustomed to gay apps.

Recently, the new and improved french magazine Tétu published an article called « Faut-il brûler Grindr?». Though not as detailed as I was hoping it would be, it did not changed my general opinion about the dating app paradigm.

FLASHBACK France, 1971. A young gay man living in a beautiful city called Paris. Mike Brant just released his first major hit, Rock’N’Roll is slowly dying and Les Bidasses en Folie is this year’s biggest success at the box office. Unfortunately for him, the Gay Rights Movement is just at its infancy, homosexuality is still considered a mental illness and sodomy is punishable by law. So he shut his mouth and do his dirty business privately. he spends time around Place de Clichy and finds very discreet bars that can welcome him without too much judgement. He takes long walks toward the Tuileries bushes and sucks a stranger’s dong without any verbal exchange. He ends up marrying that fine young Marie, daughter of a friend of his dad, makes a couple of kids and from time to time, goes back to those places, shameful of himself.

That was the life of a gay man in France. If he didn’t get killed along the way. CUT TO 2009. Grindr is the first official gay dating app launched around the world. In France, the ban on sodomy disappeared in 1981 and since 1992, you are no longer considered a crazy person for being attracted to a person of the same sex (well, not from an official medical point, anyway). The app came to fruition through a simple question asked by its creator, Joel Simkhai : « WHO ELSE IS GAY AROUND HERE? ».

By 2012, 4 million people were using the App. 27 million as of 2017. Tinder followed in 2012 — you are welcome, straight people. Then SCRUFF, GAYROMEO, HORNET, BLUED, … What is wrong, then ? You damn well know something is wrong.

SMARTPHONE, 21st CENTURY’S NEW BACKROOM

If you go to a bar, you have to talk to the bartender, exchange a least a fews words with strangers, even dance as your look around and are being seen by others in the flesh. If you go to a gaybar, the same thing happens. If you go to a gaybar then the gaybar’s backroomn, rules change.

As the dating apps was closing in on worldwide domination, it became clear that the natural human kindness and respect would ultimately have no effect on the way people would communicate with one another on Grindr. I’ve been working in a bookstore for the past four years, you see. I expect a “hello”, “goodbye” and a smile during any interactions with clients — from them and myself. So there’s nothing more annoying that someone coming up to you, barking what they want to and leaving without any civility whatsoever. The Grindr equivalent would be Step 1 : A DICK PICK (or ass pick. I once had a fisting commemorative photo sent to me) straight up. Step 2 : A terribly convenient “cc sava tu ch?” or a “cho?” Step 3A : If you are polite enough to answer something, a conclusive “tu reçoi” or “tu bouge” Step 3B : you did not answer a singe word and the guy either sends you a “????” or insults the shit out of you. I sometimes do not answer impolite clients at work. Guess what ? Bitches say hello if you stare down at them long enough. On the internet, never gonna happen.

I remember the first couple of times I went on Grindr. I tried to answer everyone, even a “no, thank you”. There was always some “Hello”s, “How are you?”s, a few “My name is”s. But as the years went by, gay men (as I mostly talk to gay or bisexual cis men on these apps, I can only give my opinion on that category of people) adopted a series of unofficial rules to talk to each other.

1. If we are on this app, we are ready to fuck. 2. We do not have time for small talk. 3. We do not need your name, but dick size and multiple nudes are welcome. A picture is worth a thousand blablablahs. 4. We need to be very precise about what we want, so as not to waste our precious time. 5. Seriously, give us a full diagnosis of your body shape through pics, boy. 6. Chems ? 9. There are no rule 7 & 8, because 6 & 9. Now, turn around.

There are also lots of personal rules users seem keen on sharing them publicly as to implement unofficial rule number 4.

NO FEMS, NO BLACKS, NO ASIANS

“Pretty chill guy here. Very open minded and friendly. I love men from different cultures. Just no Asians. Asians leave me alone. I’m not racist” “Don’t message me. I’ll message you :). No Blacks Asians or fems. Love it when fats call themselves masc. hahahaha.” “Tell me if top/btm. Don’t really believe in “vers”. […] Attracted to Latin & White (trying to sound PC)” “Chill masc sane… just described nobody on here… Over 35, Asian or fem = block.. haha” “99% of you are losers. I’m the top 1%. So prove yourself first” The last one was written by a white male, by the way. They all were.

In our modern society, we’re not fools enough to believe that racism disappeared and everyone is accepting of others. Just look at the whole series of events called “while Black” where white people called cops on black folks for getting out of their airbnbs, talking in a Starbucks without ordering or falling asleep in a communal room at college. Nevertheless, you don’t see parades of racists proudly marching with “NO BLACKS” signs on the streets — you see another type of marches, yes. Free speech and stuff, sure. So why has it become acceptable in people’s minds to shade light on their racism in their profiles, barely hiding behind the “sexual preference” bullshit excuse ?

In an article dated September 2018 called “Why is it OK for online dates to block whole ethnic groups?” (2), the Observer related the appalling anecdote of an elderly white man who responded to a Grindr user of asian descent : “Asian, ew gross”.

I myself was told that I was too fat, too small, too twinkish, then not enough of those, or too white (but so we’re clear : RESERVE RACISM IS NOT A THING. STOP TRYING TO MAKE IT A THING!).

Racism also works with the beliefs that if you look or act a certain way, you obviously are what someone’s fantasy is. You are a black man so I assume that my hole will expand by ten once you’re inside me. You a blond light weight with feminine traits. You’re a submissive bottom and a real whore.

The world works on assumptions (ex : the myth of the BIG BLACK DICK or the for-sure global instinct that Tom Hanks would never have to face any #MeToo accusations) and apps follow that same path but without any policing. The absence of ramifications from someone’s actions further implement a feeling of unapologetic mindfulness — the same way being in a dark backroom with strangers you can’t see does not seem to add any consequences to what you’ll do next.

Recently, Grindr tried to course correct its past errors by creating “Kindr” (3). Was it a new app that would prevent people from actively using hate speech ? WELL WHY DON’T YOU PREVENT IT ON GRINDR THEN ? Was it a new platform to exchange ideas and experiences so that we can find another way to communicate together ?

Here’s how they introduce Kindr on their official site : At Grindr, we’re into diversity (MONEY), inclusion, and users who treat each other with respect. We’re not into racism, bullying, or other forms of toxic behavior (YOU ARE THE TOXIC BEHAVIOR). These are our preferences, and we’ve updated our Community Guidelines to better reflect them. Same app. New rules (DID YOU THOUGH?) Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Their type. Their tastes. But nobody is entitled to tear someone else down because of their race, size, gender, HIV status, age, or — quite simply — being who they are. (AS LONG AS IT DOES NOT PUT YOUR BUSINESS IN A RISKY POSITION) Join us in building a kinder Grindr. (DO YOUR OWN DAMN WORK). Express yourself, but not at the expense of someone else (OR US). Report discrimination when you see it (LIKE WITH THE JEWS BACK THEN. ALSO, WE THE USERS, ALREADY DID THAT). Use your voice and share your story to call out prejudice and spark change. Together, we can amplify the conversation and take steps towards a kinder, more respectful community (SEE, WE AT GRINDR ARE WOKE).

There you have it. A marketing scam to ease the pain of millions of users whose relationships and self esteem were affected by Grindr’s lack of interest in their consumers. How many years did it take for a simple statement from the CEO ? What’s actually concrete about these actions ?

in the community guide lines, it is stated that they “will remove any discriminatory statements displayed on profiles. […] Profile language that is used to openly discriminate against other users’ traits and characteristics will not be tolerated and will be subject to review by our moderation team”. FINE. So, if someone says “no short fat asians”, theoretically it would be removed from the profile. But if it says “more into vanilla and spice than chocolate and rice. So hit me up if this is you” (an actual Grindr profile, by the way), what can a Grindr moderator do about it ? The racism is still there. Are we to believe that EVERY single profile is being reviewed in detail ?

#deletegrindr was a popular hashtag over a year ago. I’m not on twitter and I still heard about it. Was it a cultural shift in the way gay people wanted to treat other gay people ? Were we on the verge of a revolution ? Nop. Grindr released data informations of thousands and thousands of profiles about HIV status (something that you can put on your Grindr profile) to third party companies. Since then, Grindr released the Kindr initiative and rewrote its policies.

I’m not against dating apps. I think it was a wonderful tool back in the day to extend one’s horizon, explore and experiment with love, sex and adventures. It no longer works that way. I didn’t even talk about the spreading of drug using through profile description and the real danger of stimulants in someone’s sex life.

#deletegrindr should come back and this time, it has to work. Silicon Valley, go make an app from scratch. One that would implement actual kindness to the machine, not based on popularity. Think of what people need, not what they want. People are shitheads. I’m a shithead. What I want is never good for me.

And YOU. You, little queer boy reading this. Don’t go on Grindr before going to bed to check the hotties in your area. Forget about that 6'2 monster cock Swedish god that lives nearby and offered you a quick hump for the ride. Ask him for a drink, put down your phone, get to know him a little and then fuck his brains out. You’re still gonna fuck but you’ll find humanity where there was once none.

That’s my preaching for the night. I gave up long ago on apps. I delete them all and stay away for months. Then, I feel lonely and get back to one or two. I met this new guy that way (4).The nice thing about it was that we did not talk dick sizes, favorite positions or any sexual desires until way after we actually met (and we’re talking two full weeks of messages). I’m not on any dating apps now.

(1) https://tetu.com (2) https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2018/sep/29/wltm-colour-blind-dating-app-racial-discrimination-grindr-tinder-algorithm-racism (3) https://www.kindr.grindr.com (4) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ezra_Miller

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lokasenna-tales · 7 years ago

Text

Known “Guest” Reviews

We’ll be keeping this post updated with new “submissions”, just to show the repetitive nature of this guy’s bullying, and be able to dissect it.

Note that we’re actively taking in submissions at this point for other stories that have been attacked. The purpose of this post is not advertisement for our stories, but to show the repetitive nature of this guy’s bullying (and, boy, is he repetitive; there’s a reason why many fics show up in nearly every category...).

So, if you’re getting harassed, let us know, and we’ll add the review to the list. So far, we’re at 12, 14, 16, 18, 19 20 21 24 26 distinct signature patterns; if we get to 25, we’ll start making Bingo cards.

Sorted by Template and general tone:

1. “Wise Woman Once Told Me” Abstinence Is The Only Way

If Astrid wasn't ready for marriage then she had NO business having sex with Hiccup. As a wise woman once told me, if you don't love a person enough to marry them and to raise a child with them then you have no business having sex with them because no matter how careful a couple is or the nature of the birth control they use-accidents DO happen.

Fics “Reviewed” with this Template:

Families Are Forged, Not Made, by Viking-Mansongur

I Should Go, by ShipMistress

Dancing And Dreaming, by Wikelia

My Game, My Rules, by ShipMistress

The Aftermath Of Being Stupid, by ShipMistress

Unprepared (Hiccstrid) by Plasma Snow

The Shieldmaiden and the Fury, by Aquariuspower

Comments: One of his signature comments, combining morality policing, a Virgin/Whore complex, victim-blaming, missing the point in favor of pushing his agenda, and various other elements that get remixed across his general tone.

2. MOAR Abstinence!

You can if you wait to "know" them before you choose to bed them.

Fics “Reviewed” With This Template

Families Are Forged, Not Made, by Viking-Mansongur

My Game, My Rules, by ShipMistress

For Milady, by Harry Panther

Hey Guys, Meet My Wife, by Lizby

The Shieldmaiden and the Fury, by Aquariuspower

Comments: Tends to show up when you protest point 1, and is just doubling down on it.

3. Projection Much?

Utter, Unequivocal Garbage

This story has degenerated

Fics “Reviewed” With This Template

Walls We Build, by Katergator

My Game, My Rules, by ShipMistress

The Imposter, by Harry Panther

For Milady, by Harry Panther (x2)

If, by Harry Panther

You’re Everything I Want (And Nothing I Can Keep) by queenofthewilderwest

Earn It, by MidwestMexican (x2)

Disturbed Reflections, by CdnChrgr

Runaway by Flame of the Dark

Comments: And yet he always seems to continue to read and review...

4. So Disappointed

Disappointment does not do justice to describe my response

The sad part, for me, is I really enjoyed this story at one point and the way you handled the characters. That is no longer the case. At this point, I’m not sure I care enough...

Fics “Reviewed” With This Template

You’re Everything I Want (And Nothing I Can Keep) by queenofthewilderwest

My Game, My Rules, by ShipMistress

Walls We Build, by Katergator

The Blacksmith’s Apprentice, by Harry Panther

The Imposter, by Harry Panther

For Milady, by Harry Panther

If, by Harry Panther (x2)

Infernal Fascination, by evilwriter37

Disturbed Reflections, by CdnChrgr

Runaway by Flame of the Dark

Me Before You, by LexieFanatic

Escorts, by HeathenVampires

Warrior to Warrior, by AstridTheValkyrie

Comments: Related to but distinct from #3, which attacks the story for not living up to his standards, this one is him throwing a petulant tantrum in a paternalistic manner.

5. You Can’t Always Get What You Want (But Sometimes You Get What You Need)

Also just because, "they want" something shouldn't mean they should get it.

Fics “Reviewed” With This Template

Families Are Forged, Not Made, by Viking-Mansongur

You’re Everything I Want (And Nothing I Can Keep) by queenofthewilderwest

Comments: And why not? And the same really goes back on him: just because he wants us to write his idealized morally upright and sexually inhibited interpretation of these characters, why should he get it from us?

6. Tough Love

I’m being honest in my reviews, and you never indicated that they must only be affirming ones.

The truth is that I have no agenda other than reviewing stories honestly.

Fics “Reviewed” With This Template

Families Are Forged, Not Made, by Viking-Mansongur

My Game, My Rules, by ShipMistress

If, by Harry Panther

For Milady, by Harry Panther

If, by Harry Panther

The Blacksmith’s Apprentice, by Harry Panther

Infernal Fascination, by evilwriter37

Prodigal Son, by commandocucumber

Warrior to Warrior, by AstridTheValkyrie

Try It For Me, by AstridTheValkyrie

Comments: Disingenuous to say the least; his agenda is pretty clear as that of a Moral Guardian attempting to Purity Police the HTTYD fandom on FF.net.

7. Freeze Peach!

(shows up when you delete his reviews or turn on moderation)

I believe that all censorship is wrong

censorship is the last resort of those who don’t like to be challenged. I would expect this kind of behavior from a Hitler or Stalin but not from a writer who, after all by the virtue of posting on fanfiction, is asking for reviews.

Fics “Reviewed” With This Template

Families Are Forged, Not Made, by Viking-Mansongur

My Game, My Rules, by ShipMistress

Runaway by Flame of the Dark

Me Before You, by LexieFanatic

Try It For Me, by AstridTheValkyrie

Comments: This right here is one of the points that makes me certain that he’s a White Christian American Male; the ridiculous free speech absolutionism, combined with blatant hypocrisy. Free speech means that the (US) government can’t stop you from saying what’s on your mind, but private citizens have zero obligation to grant the speaker either their time or a platform. Also, he’s hypocritical in that he doesn’t see that he’s trying to censor the writers’ own rights to free expression.

8. Hey, What Happened To My Unsolicited Advice?

I left a review for this chapter (along with many, many others). Is there some reason it hasn't posted?

Fics “Reviewed” With This Template

Persephone, by SunflowerB

Walls We Build, by Katergator

320 State Street, by p-artsypants

For Milady, by Harry Panther

If, by Harry Panther

The Blacksmith’s Apprentice. by Harry Panther

Infernal Fascination, by evilwriter37

Me Before You, by LexieFanatic

Comments: Related to #7, this one is so repetitive that it bears pointing out that each of the stories that get this comment typically get it multiple times, typically sequentially, and with the tone escalating. And that is a power-play that ties into the guy’s abuse. Since he’s on Guest, we can’t reply to him without posting a chapter and having a comment in the AN addressing him. However, most of us can go weeks or months between updating--meaning that either we have to give in and post one of his comments, or put up with a torrent of escalating abuse.

9. I Have Never Been Insulting... You Asshole

(shows up when you get at all irritated with his attitude)

I have never disparaged you as a person nor resorted to the type of "ad hominem" attacks

Fics “Reviewed” With This Template

Families Are Forged, Not Made, by Viking-Mansongur (showed up the very line after comparing the author to Hitler and Stalin)

My Game, My Rules, by ShipMistress

320 State Street, by p-artsypants

Walls We Build, by Katergator (compared to the Marquis de Sade)

Not One Of Them, by ShipMistress

Times of change, by soulofhorror

Runaway by Flame of the Dark

Me Before You, by LexieFanatic

Try It For Me, by AstridTheValkyrie

Comments: Not only actively lying (as noted by the comment to Viking-Mansongur), this argument is disingenuous at best. His comments are not productive, nearly universally miss the point of the story in favor of his agenda (often insultingly so), paternalistically demeaning, and otherwise abusive. Just because he hasn’t called us names and directly insulted us doesn’t mean that he gets to demand we post his shit.

10. You Brought This On Yourself By Posting Fanfic On The Internets.

you asked for comments

a writer who, after all by the virtue of posting on fanfiction, is asking for reviews.

Fics “Reviewed” With This Template

Families Are Forged, Not Made, by Viking-Mansongur

My Game, My Rules, by ShipMistress

320 State Street, by p-artsypants

If, by Harry Panther

Infernal Fascination, by evilwriter37

Runaway by Flame of the Dark

Me Before You, by LexieFanatic

Try It For Me, by AstridTheValkyrie

Comments: Victim-blaming, and pretty classic. It’s not his fault that he’s posting such messages. It’s ours for posting our stories on the internet. Much like points #1 and #6, he likes to present himself as lacking an agenda and agency; in point #1, he distances himself from the abstinence-only platitude by stating it as originating from a “wise woman” (compare that opener with “It’s like I always say...”), and in #6, “Hey, you never said that I had to be courteous and polite.” In essence, it’s not his fault that we wrote the thing and gave him something to abuse.

11. I Wanna See Some Consequences!

I do not mind characters, hated or not, screwed up or not, making bad decisions/actions as LONG as they pay the CONSEQUENCES for those decisions/actions.

Sorry but not nearly enough. They all deserve to die for what they did to Hiccup or at the very least be charged (and convicted) of kidnapping and attempted murder. Period.

Fics “Reviewed” With This Template

You’re Everything I Want (And Nothing I Can Keep) by queenofthewilderwest

Persephone, by SunflowerB

My Game, My Rules, by ShipMistress

320 State Street, by p-artsypants

If, by Harry Panther

For Milady, by Harry Panther (x2)

Families Are Forged, Not Made, by Viking Mansongur (variation: Protesting lack of consequence, aside from the, wait for it, pregnancy!)

Tidings of Comfort and Joy, by Harry Panther

Prodigal Son, by commandocucumber

A forbidden love by LightningFlare1 (note that for once, he was pleased... because there was sufficient punishment in the form of career loss and destruction of reputation. He approved of the tragic aspect, calling it a “morality tale”)

Comments: Another one of his most signature points, he wants to see consequences, particularly punitive ones, on actions that he finds morally objectionable--and even when there are consequences, he’ll whine that they’re not the right consequences, such as what he said for Families Are Forged, where there is a consequence, one directly in line with his agenda no less (i.e. an unintended pregnancy), but since they weren’t the right consequences that he wanted, he protested.

12. You’re A Good Author--Which Is Why I Must Abuse You Into Conforming With My Vision

I believe that you, as an author, have too much integrity

I continue to read and review your stories because you ARE an EXCEPTIONAL writer-something I believe I have affirmed on numerous occasions. I have continued to review your stories because I firmly believe that words, ideas and stories DO matter.

"It is, far the most part, an exceptionally good story and at some point I will try to look past what I see as problematic misunderstandings of history/religion and spend my time sending you reviews about how impressive this story is on so many other levels not the least being your ability to write and your willingness to paint a scene on a truly grand canvas."

Fics “Reviewed” With This Template

Persephone, by SunflowerB

My Game, My Rules, by ShipMistress

320 State Street, by p-artsypants

Families Are Forged, Not Made, by Viking Mansongur

The Blacksmith’s Apprentice, by Harry Panther

If, by Harry Panther (x2)

The Imposter, by Harry Panther

Walls We Build, by Katergator

You’re Everything I Want (And Nothing I Can Keep) by queenofthewilderwest

Prodigal Son, by commandocucumber

Earn It, by Midwest Mexican

Not One Of Them, by Shipmistress

Departure, by Judge1964

Times of change, by soulofhorror

Flame, by Yodaime Namikaze

The Wild Crown by funkytoes

Me Before You, by LexieFanatic

Try It For Me, by AstridTheValkyrie

Comments: Another of the core signature points, he seems to feel that fanfic authors should be serving him and his viewpoint, and must protest when we diverge from it. It is extremely entitled and egotistical on several levels:

First, he apparently believes that his reviews are so insightful, essential and earthshaking that he feels that it is a moral imperative for him to continue in order to get his message out so that we may influence our readers in a morally upstanding way--which ignores the point that your average fanfic has perhaps a few hundred to a thousand regular readers.

Second, let’s say that we are exceptional authors; since we managed that without him, why should we listen to him?

Third, we do have integrity--to our own visions, but not his, which seems to be the primary sticking point.

13. If I Can’t Understand It, It’s Absurd And Impossible

Err, still don’t understand why someone would do [character action]. I mean, yeah, that [this story element] happened, but I find the character’s actions a little ridiculous.

but it simply isn't believable that two 15-16 year old teenagers would be as competent in this area as you portray them even allowing for Hiccup's internet research-after all it's one thing to watch and/or read how to overhaul an engine, but it is an entirely different thing when it comes to actually doing it.

Fics “Reviewed” With This Template

Families Are Forged, Not Made, by Viking Mansongur

Walls We Build, by Katergator

If, by Harry Panther (x2)

The Imposter, by Harry Panther

Infernal Fascination, by evilwriter37

You’re Everything I Want (And Nothing I Can Keep) by queenofthewilderwest

Hey Guys, Meet My Wife, by Lizby

Fly To Live, by eretsonoferet

Disturbed Reflections, by CdnChrgr

Flame, by Yodaime Namikaze

Warrior to Warrior, by AstridTheValkyrie

Comments: Fairly standard argument from incredulity, and commonly seen among authoritarians. It does, however, corroborate his utter disinterest in seeing any other viewpoint that differs from his.

14. I Blame... THE VICTIM

If Hiccup is not man enough to stand up for himself [...], then frankly he deserves whatever happens to him and no one should care.

Victims only CONTINUE to be victims if they CHOOSE to be.

Sorry, but this Hiccup has very little to commend him. He is, in fact, a coward. Whatever his terrible secret is-he NEEDS to own up to it.

Fics “Reviewed” With This Template

Walls We Build, by Katergator

If, by Harry Panther

The Aftermath Of Being Stupid, by ShipMistress

Infernal Fascination, by evilwriter37

Hey Guys, Meet My Wife, by Lizby

Comments: Distilled victim-blaming, as distinct from the other moments of victim-blaming and abstinence preaching (#1) or victim-blaming and moral policing (#6), or victim-blaming the writer for having dared post things on the internet (#10). Also, as a side note... aside from the moral horror of this sort of statement, it shows how he justifies abusing us: we have a choice to continue being his victims--we could always choose to pack up and leave.

15. The Other Guests Are On My Side!

I, and some other reviewers, have tried to address this aspect of your story before, but it appears that you don't really want to listen to reviewers who aren't telling you what you want to hear concerning this aspect of your story.

Fics “Reviewed” With This Template

Families Are Forged, Not Made, by Viking Mansongur

320 State Street, by p-artsypants

For Milady, by Harry Panther

If, by Harry Panther

Try It For Me, by AstridTheValkyrie

Comments: Argumentatum ad populum, and also pure bullshit.

16. You Have No Idea Who I Am!

"given your agenda" As you must be "omnipotent" to make this comment, since you don't know me in the least or I you, "What exactly is my agenda?"

Fics “Reviewed” With This Template

Families Are Forged, Not Made, by Viking Mansongur

The Aftermath of being Stupid, by ShipMistress

Comments: I think that this page is answering that rhetorical question quite handily, isn’t it?

17. There Is Only One Way For A Teenager To Behave: My Way

Hiccup, by the way, is not acting so much like a victim, as he is a spoil (sic) brat throwing a “silent” temper tantrum. Would expect that from a two year old but not an older teenager.

I strongly recommend that you take a look at [specific fic] as it takes a much more realistic look at teen sexuality than this story does.

Fics “Reviewed” With This Template

Families Are Forged, Not Made, by Viking Mansongur

Walls We Build, by Katergator

The Aftermath of Being Stupid, by ShipMistress

Fly To Live, by eretsonoferet

Unprepared (Hiccstrid) by Plasma Snow

Me Before You, by LexieFanatic

Comments: Another authoritarian flag--there is only one proper pattern of behavior, and deviance from that pattern is not only unacceptable, but must be corrected with abuse.

18. Sin-sational!

Your idea of what constitutes “telling the truth,” and mine have very, very little in common. Sins of omission are often just as grievous as sins of commission-sometimes even more so.

Failing to tell the whole is just as must (sic) a lie as not to say anything true at all. The former is a sin of omission while the latter is a sin of commission, but-and this is key-they are BOTH sins.

Sorry, not buying any of this “pseudo” Christianity you’re peddling. TRUE forgiveness DEMANDS atonement which REQUIRES being BOTH held ACCOUNTABLE for one’s actions and PAYING the CONSEQUENCES of one’s actions. [...] Indeed, their actions BELAY the presence of any REAL moral center whatsoever. If they TRULY are repentant then they need to turn themselves in and PAY their dept (sic) to society. [...] Then and ONLY then can they expect to have their sins expiated. Anything less would be insufficient payment.

Fics “Reviewed” With This Template

Walls We Build, by Katergator

320 State Street, by p-artsypants

Disturbed Reflections, by CdnChrgr

Comments: And, of course, with someone so concerned about moral rightness, sin is of great concern to him.

19. [Astrid/Hiccup] Does Not Deserve [Hiccup/Astrid]

Once again, Hiccup demonstrates in this chapter exactly WHY he does not DESERVE Astrid now or ever.

honestly if she cannot stand up for Hiccup and Stoick even NOW after all they have done for her because the "impulse to obey her father was too strong," then she does NOT deserve Hiccup [...]. Promising "silently" simply DOESN'T cut it anymore. Hiccup forgave Astrid for failing to believe/stand up for him once, he has NO business doing it again.

Fics “Reviewed” With This Template

If, by Harry Panther

Walls We Build, by Katergator

Dancing And Dreaming, by Wikelia

The Imposter, by Harry Panther

If, by Harry Panther

For Milady, by Harry Panther

The Aftermath Of Being Stupid, by ShipMistress

Infernal Fascination, by evilwriter37

You’re Everything I Want (And Nothing I Can Keep) by queenofthewilderwest

Prodigal Son, by commandocucumber

Hey Guys, Meet My Wife, by Lizby

Earn It, by Midwest Mexican

Fly To Live, by eretsonoferet

Not One Of Them, by ShipMistress

The Shieldmaiden and the Fury, by Aquariuspower

The Wild Crown by funkytoes

Comments: For someone that has such strong Christian beliefs according to his rant at p-artsypants, he might do well to review 1 Corinthians 13:4-13. But that fits well with his judgmental and punitive attitude--forgiveness and growth are impossible, and mistakes are unpardonable. It’s all part of his purity policing--from his perspective, once someone is tainted, they are beyond redemption forever (unless tortured appropriately, but even then, they can’t just sit there and take it, because then they’re making themselves into victims and that’s just as unpardonable, as shown in #14).

20. I Don’t Buy This Happy Ending. There Wasn’t Enough Punishment.

So let me see if I have this right. For SIXTEEN chapters, we have watched Hiccup making an ass of himself only to have much of it--at least as far as his relationship with his parents is concerned--resolving in ONE chapter? Really?

Jerkup (sic) does not DESERVE a happy ending in this story.

Fics “Reviewed” With This Template

The Imposter, by Harry Panther

The Aftermath Of Being Stupid, by ShipMistress

My Game, My Rules, by ShipMistress

You’re Everything I Want (And Nothing I Can Keep) by queenofthewilderwest

For Milady, by HarryPanther

If, by Harry Panther

A forbidden love by LightningFlare1 (note that for once, he did buy the ending... because there was sufficient punishment in the form of career loss and destruction of reputation. He approved of it ending tragically, calling it a “morality tale”)

Comments: More argument from incredulity, combined with his usual victim-blaming and placing all of the blame on one party. It’s definitely related to #5, #11, #13, #14, and #19, but specifically whining about how he doesn’t buy the end of the story in question because (due to his victim-blaming and taste for retribution and punitive justice) he’s lost sympathy for the protagonists, because they didn’t earn it from his POV.

21: This Isn’t How The Character Would Act. I Know, I’ve Projected My Morality Onto Them

Hiccup, at least as portrayed in canon, has too much integrity not to be answerable for his crimes.

I’m not sure Hiccup would have done this. Believe it or not, there are young people who are able to show restrain in matters of sexual conduct until they are in committed relationships and, if there was was a fictional teen, who would and should be in that group, then it is Hiccup.

I respectfully disagree. Of all the animated character I have seen portrayed on the big screen Hiccup is by far the most "Christian" at least in terms of his moral compass and actions. Hiccup forgives to a fault, always tries to "love his enemies" when ever possible and tries very hard not "to return evil for evil." If Hiccup were given a copy of the Sermon on the Mountain (in a language he could read), I believe that it would profoundly resonate with his core beliefs. Finally, Hiccup was willing, on more than one occasion to sacrifice his life to save others-even others who might not "deserve" saving. "No greater love . . ."

Fics “Reviewed” With This Template

The Aftermath of Being Stupid, by Shipmistress

For Milady, by HarryPanther

Prodigal Son, by commandocucumber

Earn It, by Midwest Mexican

Fly To Live, by eretsonoferet

Not One Of Them, by ShipMistress

Unprepared (Hiccstrid) by Plasma Snow

Disturbed Reflections, by CdnChrgr

The Shieldmaiden and the Fury, by Aquariuspower

Departure, by Judge1964

Runaway by Flame of the Dark

Me Before You, by LexieFanatic

Comments: Part of the Guest’s Pedestal complex; he likes to put the characters of Hiccup and Astrid up on an idealized pedestal as perfect characters who act as he says that they do... and when we write them as acting in a way that he disagrees with, he reacts poorly, as shown by his reactions on the rest of this page.

22: Practice As I Preach? What Do You Think I Am, Christian?

[Hiccup’s] willingness to give his live for others-be it dragons or people makes him, again IMHO, one of the most Christ-like characters in animation.

Of all the animated character I have seen portrayed on the big screen Hiccup is by far the most "Christian" at least in terms of his moral compass and actions. Hiccup forgives to a fault, always tries to "love his enemies" when ever possible and tries very hard not "to return evil for evil." If Hiccup were given a copy of the Sermon on the Mountain (in a language he could read), I believe that it would profoundly resonate with his core beliefs. Finally, Hiccup was willing, on more than one occasion to sacrifice his life to save others-even others who might not "deserve" saving. "No greater love . . ."

Fics “Reviewed” With This Template

Prodigal Son, by commandocucumber

320 State Street, by p-artsypants

Earn It, by Midwest Mexican

Me Before You, by LexieFanatic

Comments: For someone who will go on long rants about Christian theology and morality, he’s not very good about this whole “Judge Not, Least Yeh Be Judged” thing... but he’ll happily talk about it at length. Some of the reviews for this were practically essays on Christian morality.

23: I Suddenly SHOUT For Emphasis

One of the key and distinctive traits of the Guest’s REVIEWS is that he EMPHASIZES words by using ALL CAPS.

Fics “Reviewed” With This Template

Just about all of them, really. It’s one of his signature points on his style.

Comments: if we end up making Bingo Cards, this’ll probably end up being the Free Space.

24. You’re Diverging From (My Interpretation Of) The Canon!

It is this disconnect that I find troubling and why I sometimes review particular stories of yours the way I do. It is my firm belief that when an author “borrows” someone else’s characters they have an obligation to respect that characters in terms of their core values and characteristics because if those values change too much then the characters really cease to be the characters in anything but name.

Fics “Reviewed” With This Template

Not One Of Them, by ShipMistress

Disturbed Reflections, by CdnChrgr

Unprepared (Hiccstrid) by Plasma Snow

The Shieldmaiden and the Fury, by Aquariuspower

Departure, by Judge1964

Astrid meets Camicazi by PheonixFeather10

Times of change, by soulofhorror

Flame, by Yodaime Namikaze

The Wild Crown by funkytoes

Runaway by Flame of the Dark

Me Before You, by LexieFanatic

Warrior to Warrior, by AstridTheValkyrie

Comments: A bit of a semantical split from 17 and 21, but this one has become clear enough to deserve an entry of its own, as those two are “A teenager can only act in the way that I think that they can” and “Hiccup as Christ-like character”. While this is definitely related, the specific point here is that the Guest has a very specific headcanon on how the characters will act and think (a headcanon that speaks more of his personal projection onto those characters, as #21 demonstrates), and will attempt to aggressively “correct” the author for their “incorrect character interpretation”, saying that they’ve made so many changes that the character is now In Name Only. Essentially, the distinction between this Template and the prior ones along these lines is that 17 cites “realistic teenaged behavior”, 21 cites Christian morality as projected onto Hiccup, while this Template has nothing more to it than the Guest’s own headcanon.

25. Have You Tried Being More Like This Other Author?

In two paragraphs, you have demonstrated a better, more mature and nuanced understanding of Hiccup’s real treatment by the residents of Berk (at least in the first movie-canon, if you well) as well as his reasons for being willing to forgive them than a significant number of fanfiction authors demonstrate in their writings. In fact, these two paragraphs should be mandatory reading for any would be "vengeful” Hiccup writers.

I don't usually do this, but I strongly recommend that you take a look at [Other fic] as it takes a much more realistic look at teen sexuality than this story does.

Finally an author who gets it right. I have always believed that, because of their incredible trust, friendship and enduring love for each other, Hiccup and Astrid would eventually become proficient even incredible "lovers" but not over night and not without, please forgive the double entendre, a few "misfires." This was exceptionally well crafted and more than that it was thoroughly believable.

Fics “Reviewed” With This Template

The Rider And The Beast, by Aquarius Power

Crossing The Line, by ladyamythyst21

Families Are Forged, Not Made, by Viking Mansongur

Comments: A rarer template, the Guest likes to occasionally use other authors’ fics as his cudgel with which to whack them into compliance with his agenda.

26. The Character’s Moral Compass Needs To Be Calibrated Against Mine

He seems to have some moral compass and by all accounts he is a reasonably good king.

I respectfully disagree. Of all the animated character I have seen portrayed on the big screen Hiccup is by far the most "Christian" at least in terms of his moral compass and actions.

Fics “Reviewed” With This Template

Not One Of Them, by ShipMistress

The Wild Crown, by funkytoes

Flame, by Yodaime Namikaze

Prodigal Son, by commandocucumber

Escorts, by HeathenVampires

Comments: One of his signature terms, the Guest likes to talk about the “moral compass” of the characters on a routine basis, especially as they relate to his Christian morals. Closely related to #21 and #22, this is more just demonstrating how fond he is of the term, plus also catching those that just use the term without discussing how Christlike Hiccup is.

That’s all we have (for now). If you recognize one of the above signature reviews in content or tone from a fic review on FF.net and the story in question isn’t on the list, please, contact this blog with the information so that we can add it. It’s not for advertisement, but for solidarity--showing how much he lashes out indiscriminately, with the same tone and often even the same words helps take a great deal of the sting out of them. This is not on you--it’s on this guy, a reader so far up his own ass that he feels that he needs to proselytize his viewpoint to fanfiction authors.

38 notes · View notes

jiangsspace · 7 years ago

Text

In the Mood for Love

Youth is a journey. Here is a description of someone’s path.

Pairing: non-idol!BTS x reader

Word count: 1,9K

Genre: angst, fluff

When you turned 20 you realised the concept of the perfect partner was a lie. A complete lie. There were none and people put up a facade every day to mask the fact they were flawed and imperfect. Some even broken.

There was Namjoon, who was a charming person overall but lacked compassion. He could hold a conversation with anyone finding people’s secrets and using them to his advantage. Quite the snake at the end. It didn’t last long and you found yourself deprived of affection and manipulated.

Then there was Seokjin. A great guy who could make you laugh with just his facial expressions and endearing sense of humor. Also, a great cook. A talent he liked to show off during date night. But he seemed too obsessed with himself to ever truly give himself to you entirely. In short, slightly self-obsessed to let other people shine. It left the both of you feeling betrayed and empty at the end. It had to stop. Although the sex was great.

Yoongi gave you everything you found ideal. Good humor, great personality, the appearance, depth and seriousness. Yoongi wasn’t someone to hide his feelings. He would tell you openly when he had had enough or when he was truly enjoying himself. And you could respect that. It was something you had grown to appreciate in other people. Honesty and loyalty were crucial when maintaining a relationship. The reason you two didn’t last long, was the lack of goofiness. Yoongi was funny but he didn’t want to be perceived as the funny guy.

Hoseok was a wild ride. A big party person and very sociable. Long story short, he gave you an overdose of sunshine. He seemed to be everyone’s good friend and everyone knew him. Although he only knew a quarter of them. Hoseok had only let you in for a month and when he called it off one night at a bar, he stated you were boring and not adventurous enough. And to be honest, you two were doomed from the first day.

Hoseok’s comment left you sore and hurt for a long time, which meant you plunged yourself into trouble and bad habits such as shoplifting and graffiti art. After crying your eyes out and downing a bottle of cheap wine you grabbed your backpack and stuffed it with red and green and black and pink aerosol paint bottles and punched your arms in the old leather jacket you had absentmindedly taken from Hoseok as you stormed out the door.

The evening was fresh and you thought your fingers would fall off if you walked down this road for any longer. Your hands were tucked in the pockets of the leather jacket but it provided no warmth, just like Hoseok. You scoffed and turned your gaze to the stars. Slightly drunk you opened your mouth and watched the smoke as it passed through your teeth and dispersed in the air. Fuck you Hoseok, you screamed as loudly as you could, not caring if someone was out here to hear your curse.

I agree. Hoseok is a bitch, a dark haired boy answered. He was clearly amused at your reaction when you turned around like a whip, almost breaking your neck in the process. He had surprised you to death to say the least. He laughed when your face contorted in a poor attempt to see him against the dark night. It was just your luck to forget your glasses at home tonight. The alcohol had fogged your ability to make clear decisions. Or it was the lack of sleep and proper food.

Where are you going? His voice was soft and tempting. Different from Hoseok in so many ways. You liked the change and let him hang out with you. Taehyung talked about society and the wrongdoings of politicians and big CEOs who only thought about their stomachs and money. He had quite a lot to say about them but offered very little solutions. He was still a hopeless optimistic.

He was still amusing and used big words to impress you. Taehyung fell in love with the facade you had raised to prove to yourself and Hoseok you were capable of fun and crazy, but the lifestyle didn’t suit you and when you dropped the graffiti and alcohol, you also dropped him. No harm taken. I’ll be here if you need me, Taehyung laughed when his heart shattered.

You landed a job at Starbucks and fell in love with the cute and goofy Starbucks boy, Jungkook. He had a face so charming it left you speechless for days. But you tried to be professional. You really wanted this job and you needed the money. He was in charge of your training and adaptation to the job but your relationship turned out to be something more than that of the mentor and the tutored. Jungkook was hot and passionate, leaving you breathless and yearning for more.

He was the reason to all of your happiness during those two months. The moments of love and utter admiration. The moments of passion and affection. Jungkook was competitive and jealous. But maybe a bit more competitive. Which is why working with him became a burden and you felt pressured because he was your superior and lover. The look on his face when you handed in your resignation letter left you in a bad, bitter mood. Is it because of me, his words would haunt you for a long time.

Jimin. Your current attempt at love. You bumped into each other in a book reading club you had stumbled upon on a rainy day. You didn’t own an umbrella so when the opportunity presented itself to get cover from the pouring rain, you took it. Jimin owned the library and he was the smiling manager everyone liked and enjoyed working with.

Jimin, although, he was the life of the party when need be, he was a solid rock when it came to comforting and listening. The beacon of light in the storm. Jimin knew how to manage people, but he wasn’t manipulative. He had studied psychology and read a lot about sociology. He was someone of great taste in people and rarely let others in. He valued himself, but he wasn’t narcissistic. Sometimes it even felt like he put other people before himself.

Jimin was the stereotype of the silent, nerdy librarian, but he knew how to be vocal. And he liked to be the dominant one. His dominant side was aroused in the bedroom and it seemed to be a silent agreement between the two of you; you would be the submissive.

My business is doing well and I now have the resources to take you on a longer vacation. I was thinking about Japan, he announced one evening when he came home with takeout. The living room was filled with the sweet smell of pastries. The word vacation sent butterflies to your stomach and you couldn’t help but wonder if you were taking things too fast.

Jimin noticed your sudden reaction and read you like an open book. I haven’t booked anything yet, he sounded apologetic, the soft voice laced with love. We’ll take things slowly if that’s what you want. You gave him a soft smile and handed a baked roll as a token of your appreciation.

That night, when you lay in his arms, stomach full of Chinese takeout and soju, you thought of all the previous guys you had met during your youth. All wonderful and terrible in their own special ways.

Namjoon, you had met at the age of seventeen. The school’s class president and powerful persona in the facility. Situated in the heart of Seoul and having the reputation of best high school in Korea, you two formed a power couple. The couple everyone looked up to and whispered about in the halls. The popularity had given you a thick skin and the mental resources to deal with having your private couple life poked and dug on. But it all became too much and when you graduated, you sighed in relief when parting ways with Namjoon. He was the son of the CEO of Kim Enterprises and you knew his life was predestined from birth.

Seokjin, the humorous narcissist great with pots and pans. You met a month after your graduation and he immediately swept you off your feet. He was a soon-to-be graduate of Korea’s most known and respected cooking school. He was the one to teach you the secrets of your baked rolls baked in heaven, as he used to say.

Yoongi was the serious gentleman with a quick tongue and quirky remarks. He was an aspiring rapper and musician who always remembered your birthday and offered mixtapes as a present. He had a witty sense of humor he used to his advantage to write his lyrics. You still owned all three mixtapes he had offered. One for your birthday, one for your name day and third for your two month anniversary.

Hoseok cursed you with all that alcohol and parties and sent you in a spiral of bad habits. Although nice to everyone he had a nasty way of critiquing and talking nonsense while drunk. He was toxic, but the university life took a serious toll on him. His family was very strict and expected too much from the just turned nineteen-year-old who just wanted to get away and take a breather. But you never contacted him again.

Taehyung was the hopeless optimistic who scared the living shit out of you in the cold January night and began tagging along during your rebellious graffiti times. Taehyung had landed a job in an environmental law firm as an assistant. It turned out, his father was quite a powerful man who managed to help his son out from the night and into a normal routine. Taehyung loved what he did and updated you often about his projects with the lawyer noonas and hyungs.

Jungkook quit his job as the Starbucks manager and applied to become a taekwondo teacher. He had a black belt in taekwondo, a fact you did not know about him. Seeing him in television as the coach of Korea’s taekwondo representatives made you proud. He was doing what he loved and seeing him happy was enough. Now that you thought about your time with Jungkook more closely, you realised that Starbucks made Jungkook miserable and mentoring you had evoked the desire to teach. And so he did just that.

Watching Jimin silently snoring at your side made your heartstrings twitch. You had opted for the librarian who made you smile every day. Why are you not asleep, his honey coated voice stirred you from your thoughts. Jimin cared for you in ways you didn’t even know you wanted to be taken care of. It was a strange mixture of affection and discovery. The entire man was a discovery. Almost every day did you discover something new about him and his personality.

I was just about to, you smiled. Leaning down to kiss his lips you were caught off guard when he tucked a strand of hair behind your ear and pulled you on top of him. I am wide awake now, his suddenly lustful voice coated your ears and sent a hunger inside you.

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evanvanness · 5 years ago

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Annotated edition for latest Week in Ethereum News

So last week I mentioned the annotated editions and then...didn’t do one. Just got too busy. So we’ll see how this one goes.

One thing to note: Edcon and EthParis both got cancelled.

Original Week in Ethereum News issue.

Eth1

Geth v1.9.11. DNS peer discovery, EIP2464 implementation, faster Geth console

Latest core devs call. Notes. Lots of next fork planning. EVM subroutines likely happening pending Solidity benchmarks, ProgPoW back on the agenda, lots of eip1962 precompile talk

Draft spec for block witnesses

Stateless Eth1 update

draft EIP to add BLS12-381 precompiles to the EVM

Implementing account abstraction via new PAYGAS opcode

Rich transaction compile draft EIP. allow transactions from EOAs to bytcode directly

Literally nobody:

A few people on core devs call: ProgPoW!

I don’t really get it. The reason ProgPoW keeps being so controversial is that core devs don’t publicize it much, and then they suddenly announce that it’s going in a hard fork. Add to that the fact that every time miners advocate for ProgPoW, they show themselves to be outside of the Ethereum community, and you can understand why it produces such strong reactions.

Add to this the fact that one ProgPoW proponent (though oddly he sometimes says he isn’t) has told me explicitly that he doesn’t think the community can evaluate ProgPoW so he doesn’t even try to convince the larger ecosystem.

I go back to what I wrote a few weeks ago:

at some point there is going to be (another) fight over ProgPoW. It’s an odd beast where both sides are convinced that they have already won - meaning that anger and disgruntled ragequits are almost guaranteed.

It only gets worse when you just announce forks and don’t try to set a process and make sure people are heard.

I have more thoughts on governance, but that’s it for now.

Meanwhile, lots of very interesting work going on for stateless Eth1, which is currently necessary to turn off proof of work (though I don’t think it should be)

Eth2

Latest what’s new in Eth2

Update on fuzzing the beacon chain clients. Finding bugs, expanding capabilities

A short history and a way forward for phase 2

Automated detection of dynamic state access

Casey Detrio’s simple protocol for cross-shard transfers

Quick demo on getting an eth2 EE up and running using Quilt’s SEE tool

Lots of phase2 stuff this week. An overview is that we’re still not particularly close to phase2 as there are plenty of research and design decisions to be made even before all the nitty gritty of engineering tradeoffs.

The flipside that I don’t think many people understand is that once we get data availability on phase1, then we have all the scalability we need for years and years. 64 shards which can each process 3000 rollup transactions per second, means we get to 200,000 transactions per second. and 3000 is probably low, as we can further reduce the gas cost of opcodes used by rollup, and add a few more shards too if we need to. [Caveat: we still don’t have a rollup chain live, but....soon™. Check out Daniel Goldman’s state of optimistic rollup below]

Furthermore, when we have phase1, we can turn off PoW which will cut issuance way down and stop wasting so much electricity.

tldr: phase2 is hard and not near, but phase0 is imminent and phase1 has a spec for review.

Required reading: Casey Detrio’s phase1 and done, which was the first writing of this.

Layer2

Daniel Goldman: the state of optimistic rollup

Celer working on optimistic rollup using its State Guardian Network as block producer

Replay protection in rollups by including networkID

Cheaper zkrollups by using generic snark circuits for state maintenance

Channelizing an Eth app using an API

Rollups are all the rage right now, as indicated above, but state channels are still happening. They’re hard as we’ve found out over the years from attempts on Bitcoin and Ethereum - doing channels is easy but channel networks are hard.

Stuff for developers

dEth node: claims to be 60% faster than Ganache

Security considerations around flash loan patterns

Austin Griffith video on flash loans

Patterns for computing/accumulating interest

Samczsun and Mudit Gupta find Nexus Mutual bugs

Email notifications in dapps

Solidity unit testing using Remix tests, part 2

Loredana’s ChainLens contract searcher is available as a Remix plugin

A video intro to studio.ethereum.org IDE

Revert comments in Brownie

Embark v5.2 – proxy contract support and scripts execution

Math in Solidity series: Numbers and Overflow

Realtime websocket integrations via API, aimed at devs new to Eth

composable Airscript v0.7

Eth2 things you can hack on at hackathons

This week’s issue was pretty late. One thing I often do is roughly group things by subtopic under a header. This week that didn’t happen, things just got thrown into “stuff for devs” with no rhyme or reason to placement.

I’m very interested to see if people check out the eth2 list for ETHLondon.

That Sam Sun is a machine!

Ecosystem

Ethereum Foundation’s wishlist for ecosystem support

EthDenver finalists

Waku spec v0.4

Last week I mentioned annotated versions of Week in Ethereum News and then…got too busy to do one. It’ll happen this week.

Etherscan’s 2019 year in review charts

The DAObacle of EthDenver judging means the submissions got put together today, so they will be in next week’s issue, along with here. I don’t think anyone was shocked that the DAO judging didn’t work, but if you never have a few failures, you aren’t taking enough risks. Cheers to John Paller and all the EthDenver stewards for making the American Devcon a great event year after year.

Check out EF’s wishlist and see if EF wants to fund something you want to work on.

Enterprise

4 key things PegaSys Orchestrate fixes for enterprise blockchains

Using Eth mainnet, CargoX approved as bill of lading provider by shipping reinsurers

Utility Settlement Coin to work with Adhara on commercial bank money as alternative to central bank digital currencies

Enterprise on mainnet means that the line between enterprise and app layer is blurring. I should probably move this section.

Governance, DAOs, and standards

Submit your startup to TheLAO for funding

MolochDAOs on Aragon (Dandelion orgs) are live on mainnet

ProgPoW returned as a debate topic this week, as core devs scheduled a separate hard fork for just ProgPoW. Meanwhile my Twitter feed is decidedly against ProgPoW, eg here

ERC2520: Multiple contenthash records for ENS

ERC2525: ENS login

It’s fairly well known that I was a skeptic of TheDAO in q2 2016, but I’m very interested to see how these reincarnations of TheDAO go.

bZx hacks

bZx hack using flashloans was the topic of the week after two attacks, here is bZx’s post-mortem of the first attack. Meanwhile here is Peckshield’s analysis: within one transaction, get a 10k eth flash loan from dydx, use as collateral on Compound to borrow wBTC, shorts on bZx which uses Kyber’s liquidity and inflates the price, sell the wBTC at that inflated price, repay the 10k flashloan for ~1300 ETH profit

Here’s that analysis in graphic form from Kerman Kohli

Check out the transaction in Tenderly

Peckshield’s analysis of the second hack, netting ~2400 ETH

Palkeo’s analysis of both hacks, with a little more code. The first hack had a price check get bypassed, whereas in the second hack the price checks functioned

1inch says they found a bZx bug months ago and apparently did not get paid for it

Nexus Mutual pays out the first claims for smart contract cover for bZx

This section took a surprisingly long time to put together, but it’s definitely what people in the community were talking about all week.

I’d say it’s bullish for NexusMutual to pay out, especially because the mutual members first denied the claim but then paid out the claim when the facts of the matter became clear. It’s also bullish for Opyn - NexusMutual and Opyn aren’t competitors exactly, they have different tradeoffs for people looking to hedge or protect themselves from risks.

Application layer

Decentraland’s Metaverse launches, build on your land in a GUI or by SDK, as well as a marketplace, and a DAO that governs it all

Enjin Platform to create and manage game assets is live on mainnet

Compound hits 200m in assets

Melon as asset management automator

Synthetix’s Achernar release is live, adding ETH as collateral

the tech stack for Status v1

1x.ag – an automated leverage aggregator

Uniflash: a decentralized flash loans protocol, live on Goerli testnet. Remco Bloemen, Austin Williams and Stephane Gosselin also have some flashmint contracts out there

Dharma now has fee-free debit card fiat<>Dai deposits and withdrawals

Maker changes: activates 24 hour time delay on any governance changes, DSR spread to 0, Dai ceiling to 150m

Meanwhile the flashloans made Maker’s holders decide to add the time delay to prevent any flashloan governance attack.

Compound hit a big number and now they’re decentralizing their governance, which means that the value accrual will probably be voted on by its token holders. Fascinating stuff.

Cheers to Decentraland and Enjin for going live, and Synthetix adding ETH as collateral should be big for them.

Tokens/Business/Regulation

Enigma settles with SEC for unregistered securities offering

Personal gratitude tokens: social money (or “challenge coins”) issued on a bonding curve

Forking Gardens: conditional tokens can change gaming

Enigma wasn’t necessarily who I thought the SEC would go after next.

Simon’s personal gratitude tokens are very interesting to me. It’s like challenge coins but with intrinsic value.

General

Break RSA assumptions: bounties for solving the adaptive root problem

More PLONK benchmarks: 5x faster than Groth16 on Pedersen Hashes

Trustless Groups of Unknown Order with Hyperelliptic Curve

Barry Whitehat zk ideas: private social network search and private order matching

WebAssembly/eWASM explainer

How Nym improves on traditional mixnets

Andreas’ Mastering Ethereum is looking for translations; uses Creative Commons license

The general section is becoming the cryptography section.

One odd thing about Mastering Ethereum is that Ethereum is still under construction. Writing that book ensures lots of future work for it to be kept up to date. Or a second volume. But in the meantime, let’s get it translated!

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brittanyyoungblog · 5 years ago

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What Was Popular In Porn In 2019?

Pornhub just released their 2019 year-in-review of users’ viewing habits and, as usual, the results were fascinating. They reported an average of 115 million site visitors per day this year, with each visitor sticking around for an average of 10 minutes and 28 seconds. Users uploaded more than 6.8 million new videos—so many, in fact, that it would take 169 (hehe) years to watch all of them. That’s a lot of porn!

You can read their full report here if you’d like, but in this post, I will offer an analysis of the psychology behind some of the most popular searches.

· Overall, the most searched-for term on the site was “Japanese,” which jumped four spots from the previous year. Interestingly “Japanese” didn’t make the top 10 searches in the United States, so it wasn’t the case that this was a huge trend everywhere. Rather, most of the increase in searches for “Japanese” came from Japan, where there was a huge spike in porn traffic. This was probably driven by a few factors. One is that Pornhub is increasingly translating their videos into other languages, thereby making them more accessible to people around the world. However, another is that Japan is a culture that is in the midst of what many have referred to as a “sex recession.” As some evidence of this, Japan has one of the highest adult virginity rates in the industrialized world coupled with a very low fertility rate. With partnered sexual activity in such decline in Japan, it appears that the search for sexual gratification is increasingly moving online.

· In the United States, the single most popular search term was “lesbian” (this term was the third most popular worldwide). Why is lesbian porn so popular? For one thing, watching two women have sex is an extremely popular fantasy among straight men. Studies find that straight men have a tendency to see female same-sex behavior as highly erotic, so it makes sense that this would be a particularly popular porn genre among male users. However, lesbian porn isn’t just popular among men—it is also the most-viewed category among women! This may be because women tend to be more sexually fluid than men. Research has found that among persons who identify as heterosexual, women are more likely than men to report having experienced same-sex attraction and having masturbated to same-sex fantasies. In the analysis of 4,175 Americans’ sex fantasies I conducted for my book Tell Me What You Want, I found that 59% of women who identified as exclusively straight said that they’d had a same-sex fantasy compared to 26% of straight men. Of course, it’s also possible that women like lesbian porn for the same reasons they tend to like gay male porn: perhaps the actors seem to be enjoying the sex more, the pleasure appears more genuine, and/or the production value and plot lines are better. This explanation makes sense in light of studies finding that most women who watch gay male porn also watch lesbian porn. So perhaps lesbian porn is just more female friendly than most of the mass-produced heterosexual porn.

· In the U.S., the second most popular search term in 2019 was “hentai” (this was also the second most popular search term worldwide). For those who aren’t familiar, Pornhub offers the following definition of hentai: “a subgenre of the Japanese genres of manga and anime, containing overtly sexualized characters and sexually explicit images.” In other words, it’s a form of cartoon porn. So why is it so popular? This isn’t something that has earned much research attention (at least not yet), so we don’t know a lot about it from a scientific standpoint. However, part of the appeal may be because it offers the opportunity to depict sex acts and fantasies that might otherwise be impossible to show in mainstream porn, which means it offers a very potent form of sexual novelty. Alternatively, perhaps its appeal has more to do with the fact that it offers distraction and an escape from reality. To learn more about the psychology behind sci-fi and cartoon sex fantasies, check out this article.

· The seventh most popular search term of the year in America was “MILF” (this term was also the fourth most popular globally). Why are MILFs in such great demand? Many heterosexual men are drawn to powerful and confident women, and that’s precisely the way that women in MILF porn tend to be depicted (e.g., they’re more likely to initiate sex and take a dominant role). In my own research on sexual fantasies, I’ve found that men who are turned on more by the idea of sexual submission tend to have more MILF fantasies. So perhaps this dominance-submission dynamic is part of what’s driving so many guys to watch MILF porn. However, that’s not the entire story. I also find that men with more attachment anxiety (meaning more insecurity and fear of abandonment) have more MILF fantasies, too—so, for some men, interest in MILFs might stem from a search for security and comfort. To learn more about the psychology of men’s attraction to MILFs, check out this article.

· Overall, 32% of visitors to Pornhub in 2019 were female (a 3% increase from the previous year). The fact that men greatly outnumbered women shouldn’t be surprising, considering that virtually all research on porn has found that women say they watch less of it compared to men. However, we should be cautious about drawing too many conclusions from this gender difference. While it might be tempting to see it as evidence that women aren’t as visually aroused as men, research does not support this idea. To the contrary, studies have found that women are very much responsive to visual sexual stimuli. The gender disparity in porn viewership likely has more to do with the fact that most porn is produced by men, for men. As I discuss in Tell Me What You Want, men’s and women’s sexual fantasies differ in several important ways, so it makes sense that there probably isn’t going to be quite as much porn out there that appeals to women if men are the ones who are making most of it.

· The top-gaining category for the year was “amateur,” which increased by 108%. The growth of amateur porn is interesting from a psychological perspective because it suggests that people are increasingly wanting to see “real people” when they watch porn, as opposed to the celebrity performers who have highly unrealistic body proportions. Greater realism of the performers may be one part of the appeal; however, it could also be that amateur porn is appealing because it’s less predictable—it doesn’t follow the same script that so much mass-produced pornography does.

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology ? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook (facebook.com/psychologyofsex), Twitter (@JustinLehmiller), or Reddit (reddit.com/r/psychologyofsex) to receive updates. You can also follow Dr. Lehmiller on YouTube and Instagram.

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