#update: Im still feeling funny

[nixxieie]

Alright do we fw this

[buggitino]

more headcanons about sebastian solace from the hit game pressure roblox

back on my bullshit and i promise i only talk about The Situation a little bit

☆ his third arm is more sensitive than the other two (i'm thinking that either the USHD doctors fucked something up during the operation OR it grew in wrong, nerve endings closer to the epidermis and whatnot, something like that)

☆ just hates being touched in general, he’d rather initiate that contact (need an update where he gently —> not very gently shakes expendables off (depending on whether and how much they’ve annoyed/flashbanged him) when they climb him) ☆☆ part of this is due to trauma, he cant trust anyone to touch him without hurting him ☆☆ the other part is that he’s got that fucking dawg in him (i’ll get to this in a second)

☆ unlike what his new voice lines are starting to suggest about his character (i’m not gonna talk about zerum again because i think everyone knows what's happening at this point and ive already thrown in my two cents) he does NOT hate the expendables. literally his first line upon meeting him in his shop has him calling himself your friend (as strained of a connection as it may be, he could very easily not offer items, not share documentation/info, and just take the expendables data and hoard anything he picks up to make it harder for them to get to the crystal) (like yes, it's a mutually beneficial relationship but if sebastian didn't care about or sympathize with the expendables to some extent, it wouldn't be). i really do think he just has a short fuse (i'm not going to bring up trauma again, however-) and says things he doesn't mean (e.g. “they deserved it. and frankly so do the rest of you.” (im coping with the mischaracterization of these new lines leave me alone)) as a means of protecting himself and pushing the expendables further away (both physically and emotionally)

☆ he’ll act like a brat once they’re done, but he lets younger expendables sleep in his shop (he cares about them but would never in a million years let them know that) ☆☆ if a younger one comes in with a bunch of adult expendables, he’ll treat them all the same but will secretly slip the younger one some extra batteries, gauze, something unnoticeable (he feels especially responsible for the younger male expendables cause they remind him of his little brother)

☆ sometimes he thinks he can hear his family's voices on the radio, just under all the static, calling out for him like a search party would. he used to cry over this but he almost got caught once by an expendable coming into the shop so he does his best to tune it out. it’s hard. guilt pulls at his stomach every time he hears a clip of his family, begging for him to come home, to respond, something, anything, and he ignores it.

☆ autism (cause i said so) - i'm including this one for the sole reason that he does the dinosaur thing with his third arm and generally keeps his hands clasped together in the secret dinosaur position (he just like me fr) ☆☆ hates bright lights (the only light he uses/allows in his shop is the one he emits) (its a very soft/warm hue as opposed to the bright fluorescents throughout the rest of the facility) (not to bring up the flash beacon, obviously nobody likes getting flashbanged and he's got angler eyes but sTILL)

☆ he used to hate eating fish (pre-op) and now he’s pissed cause it’s all he has available and the DNA changes made it so fish is the yummiest tastiest thing in the world (i like imagining him actively fighting the urge to eat whatever fish he’s cooked in one bite cause he refuses to acknowledge that he's changed on a level that isn't physical/appearance-based)

☆ calls grown adults “kiddo” (even the ones that are older than him) ☆☆ he gets a certain kind of joy from seeing the 40/50/60 year old expendables try to figure out just how old he is after they get called “kiddo”. it’s extra fun for him when they’ve clearly already heard the rumors and/or gotten a glimpse of his file

☆ the ring is just an accessory, a bracelet on the floor or in a locker he found and liked. assumed nobody was gonna claim it and kept it (shoutout to @/lotus.eaterr on tik tok for this one!!!!)

[jash-updates]

Most normal energy drink consumer

[toytulini]

victorian style haunted house that has dysphoria about not being an open concept minimalist hellhole, before we even have those, so it doesnt know why it just feels sooo miserable and has to lash out at everyone inside it, so its wretched and haunted the whole time, until its finally bought by a house flipper in the 2020s who knows JUST how to fix it

[hella1975]

me: there's no way i can write even a considerable amount of the taob chapter before the end of the month like i promised personal things have just got to me it's not happening no way

me regardless: *putting in my earphones. looping vogel im kafig. opening the doc*

[puppyeared]

One of these days they’ll make an update where it gives you a feedback pop up when u try to unfollow someone

[spaghett-onaplate]

oh yeah i went to a uni open day and allergies decided to pummel me in a rather quiet room with over a hundred other people during a law course presentation when i had ONE tissue that had previously been a bookmark. i only sneezed four times but my right eye and nostril could NOT stop watering i gave in and used my sleeve and it got absolutely soaked in snot 😭😭

[coulson-is-an-avenger]

i love looking at my art and being like. hm. i am not beating the [redacted] allegations, despite no one having accused me of said redacted thing literally ever, not even once. which is once again funny because i am, as aforementioned, absolutely not beating the allegations

[robocops-a-christ-allegory]

Do you guys think if I called the Samaritans again they wouldn't hang up on me eventually this time if I opened with saying I have BPD

[takamakisu]

I told y'all I was gonna draw her. I'm obsessed with this character, her design ticks off so many boxes of things I love in designs:

• Black and red main colors

• Fingerless gloves

• Red eyes

• Lots of buttons

• Short hairstyle + curls/waves

• High heeled boots

[llumimoon]

me getting back into kny has me looking back at all my fun ideas and fics and aus from two years ago and then I get excited like omg this is sooo cool i should go back to work on this! i wonder if anyone else has done something similar! surely i got inspired from somewhere! and then i look and . 🧍

[arolesbianism]

I've just been playing the new cotl update for most of the day and I'm so so close to being done with the main new story bits I think but it's also past midnight but also I'm so excited idk if I'll be able to sleep but also god damn do I need to sleep

[shwarmii]

me: i am not dramatic ‼️

also me, texting my big brother:

image ID: first text in teal bubble says "bad news: i have a seriously terrible cold, maybe even the flu, but more likely what ive been struggling with the past 3 or 4 days is a cold. good news: took a covid test at mama's request and it was negative. bad news: my cold by itself is so bad that mama was convinced i might have covid" second message is a screenshot gif of Kiki from Kiki's Delivery Service in bed, sick, and the caption/subtitle of the gif reads "*has a headache cold* Do you think I'm gonna die?" the texts were sent at 1:31 and 1:34 AM, respectively. /end of image ID

[atrirose]

⠀⠀( ⠀⠀치클 ⠀⠀) ⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ GRWM ⠀.⠀.⠀.⠀⠀💭 ! ⠀⠀ enha

⠀⠀ s : GRWM to break up with my boyfriend oops ! ᆼᆽᆼ enha ! bf x f ! r .. tiktok 𝓈eries ⠀⠀⠀ㅜㅜ warning : kissing + FLUFF wc 1.2k ꒰ᐢ. ̫ .ᐢ꒱ seiu : tt update after 300 yr

— HEESEUNG LEE

you sat on the bed with a phone sat up, recording you with heeseung in the background not paying attention, lost in his phone “get ready with me to break up with my boyfriend” heeseung’s eyebrows furrowed as he turned towards you, your back faced him, “what are you talking about?” he questioned “not now babe i’m trying to film a tiktok”

“no i can see that but would mind explaining yourself real quick yn” he scooted closer to you, grabbing your shoulders to make you face him “it’s a get ready with me video hee” you said rolling your eyes “yeah i know that but what do you mean ‘to break up with my boyfriend’?” he said, you try not to laugh but it’s impossible seeing how serious heeseung is “god you are so cute” you said as you cupped his face and gave him a quick peck “i was just joking”

“it better be joke, we aren’t ending ever”

— JONGSEING PARK

“what are you doing?” jay asked as you set up the camera “just a tiktok” he hummed going back to his song writing “hi guys ! get ready with me to break up with my boyfriend” you peered over jay from the camera, he didn’t even move an inch, still busy with his notepad writing, “so me and my boyfriend have been dating for 3 years now and honestly he is the best you could ask but i just don’t feel like it anymore so i decided to break up with him” you did your skin care as you blabbed nonsense but jay still remained stoic.

you switched off the phone as you stomped your way towards him, he looked up with a smirk “what’s wrong darling? are you done with the tiktok?” this cheeky bastard “you…” you are pouting trying to find the correct words but instead of you getting a reaction out of him he has you all bothered “me?”

“meanie” you said walking away only to be pulled by him, you landed on his lap, he hugged you tightly “we are not breaking up ever so these pranks won’t work on me, why don’t you find another one hmm?” he said pressing you against his chest

“you and me have to grow old together”

— JAEYUN SIM

“get ready with me to break up with my boyfriend” jake looked “what?” he questioned hoping he heard wrong “jake not now im filming a tiktok”

“i’m pregnant” you whipped your head towards him in disbelief “that’s not how it works jake” you said doing your mascara while he fiddled with your jacket trying to think of some excuse “yn stop i will cry” you giggled at him, cupping his face and pulling him for a long peck “say you are joking” his face still being squeezed by your hands “it’s a prank jake sorry baby” your his nose while he glared at you “not funny, im afraid you have no humor, the police going to get you”

“i accept cuddles and kisses to forgive you for what you did”

— SUNGHOON PARK

“you’re recording?” sunghoon said as he flopped behind you on the bed watching some video on his phone “yeah” you said setting up the stuff “okay, i will turn off the volume” he said getting up to kiss your cheeks before you hit record

“hi guys, i know it’s been so long since i posted anything but get ready with me to break up with my boyfriend” sunghoon paused the video as he got up sitting next to you, his eyes scanning your face as you “babe do you need some-”

“unless you have other boyfriends you are breaking up, but you obviously don’t thus stop lying to them and start recording again” he said, he deleting the recording “you can’t do that” you said as sunghoon laid back down on the bed again “i can do anything” he said pulling you down with him, he kissed you holding your waist down while your hands travelled down his biceps “wouldn’t be able to kiss me if you break up yn” he said smirking, kissing your cheeks all the way down to your collar bone.

“you’re mine forever”

— SUNWOO KIM

“get ready with me-” sunoo enters the washroom in confusion “babe tiktok? without me?” sunoo fake pouts “sorry sun, next okay” you pecked his lips “okay but remember we have to leave soon” he said sitting down at the bed leaving the door open “okay ! so get ready with me to break up with my boyfriend” a loud voice came from outside so you went out to check what it was “sunoo are you okay?” you went over to look if he got hurt “yeah i’m fine and you can take your time yn. no rush” hearing your name instead of babe or honey made you gulp.

“i should call the restaurant and let them know we can’t make it too” he said unlocking his phone and you thought its better to say it’s a prank before he starts crying “sunoo it’s a prank babe, im sorry” he turns towards you with a smile “oh good for a second i thought we need to get on” he put his phone up and records himself while you look at him confused “get ready with me to break up with my girlfriend” you hit him as he laughs “stop”

he kissing your forehead “i can never lose you, it will break me, never joke about it”

— JUNGWON YANG

“babe this one?” jungwon asked passing you a face mask “yes thank you” you hit record as he sat on a sofa opposite to you, so he can be out of the frame, admiring his pretty girl “get ready with me ! breaking up with my boyfriend edition” his eyes quickly went from admiring to shocked big boba eyes, he looked like he was frozen “what do you mean?”

“not now won, i’m filming” he didn’t care he sat beside you peering like a cat “if this is a way to engage with audience or just rage bait, i do not care, your not do such a thing please” he said turning off your phone “saying please when i know you are giving an order” he smiled “cuddles please” — “that’s another order with an unnecessary ‘please’ i have face mask on now won” you rolled your eyes, he hugged your waist and made you lay with him.

“i do not care” he said snuggling into your neck

— RIKI NISHIMURA

“get ready with me to break up with my boyfriend-” a loud choking noise “you have other boyfriends because you sure aren’t getting ready to break up with me”

“so you are cool with me having other boyfriends but not breaking up with you” you put on your hair band to get your hair off your face “absolutely not but-” he stumbled with his words trying to find the right thing to say while you hummed and did your skincare, watching him confused “wait how did it get to me having to give an explanation when you are the one in wrong” he huffed

you giggled at his pouty face, twisting from confusion to frustration, you kissed his cheek “i was joking riki” he glared at you trying to prove he is still angry but of course that didn’t last long when you showed up with his favorite food.

“better not pull this again or you will on time out”

[ham1lton]

omg i had a similar idea about how yn’s birthday would be what exposed lewisyn but i didn’t send it bc i didn’t think you’d like it 🫣🫣🫣 i was just thinking that he’d get her something REALLY nice and everyone’s like 🤨🤔 whose boss would get them this….(as a kpop girlie my headcanon was that he flies her to coachella to see blackpink vip LMAO but honestly your choice)

author’s note: LEWISYN LEWISYN *we all chant in unison*. this is a part of the dream girl universe but can be read as a stand alone! also i’m posting the oscaryn fic tomorrow! so keep an eye out for that :D

liked by bestie1, alexandrasaintmleux and 728,928 others.

yourusername: when your boss pays for an all inclusive holiday for you and your girls for your birthday, but you miss his dog so you force him to send you updates every day 😔

view all 47,982 comments

user1: happy bday girl but this isn’t normal 😭

-> user2: bye she’s so real for this because if i could get exclusive lewis hamilton selfies I WOULD 😭

user3: you posted a darry ring box on your story? who bought it for you?

-> yourusername: lewis! :)

-> user4: hey babe… that’s literally INSANE

-> user5: idgi? what’s a darry ring? why is it insane? it’s just jewellery 🤷🏾‍♀️

-> user4: you can only buy ONE darry ring per LIFETIME. they make you submit your id so you can never buy another. it’s meant to be for your soulmate 😭 and lewis bought one for his ASSISTANT 😭

-> user5: nah, they GOTTA be fucking.

-> user4: worse. they’re in love.

carmenmmundt: HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEET GIRL ♥️

-> yourusername: i can’t even believe it but thank you babe!!! mwah!! we’ll go out as soon as i come back!!! :D

-> user6: my fav wags :(( gonna miss yn when lewis goes to ferrari :((

bestie1: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BESTIE!!! SEXIEST GIRL EVER!!!!!!11!!!111

*liked by yourusername.*

user19: people talking about the darry ring like what about the HOLIDAY TO HER FAVOURITE PLACE??? like that is literally CRAZY???

-> user19: … you hiring? lewishamilton 👀

-> user21: fuck that, do you have an opening in your relationship? lewishamilton yourusername? 👀 bitch scooch over!! i want y’all 🤷🏻‍♀️

user20: what f1 driver wants to have a weird codependent relationship with a romantic subtext with me?

-> user21: i didn’t realise how much of a wattpad ass trope lewisyn is 😭 rich older famous hot boss and younger funny pretty employee who does whatever she wants while the boss is just fondly endeared.

-> user22: THAT SHOULD BE ME!!!!! 😔

-> user20: we can still do it oscarpiastri

-> oscarpiastri: no thank you! 🙂‍↔️

user28: yourusername are you and lewis dating be honest?

-> yourusername: NO 😭 i am definitely still single. lewis and i are just close friends that’s it!

-> user29: he said ‘happy birthday to my favourite girl, i want to spend all the rest of them with you’ in his post to you…. THATS A BOYFRIEND ASS QUOTE DONT LIE 😭

-> yourusername: that’s really normal??? like i’m sorry that you don’t have a decent relationship with your boss? 😭

user10: this whole bday thing is so funny cause why is yn trying to pass this as a normal employee and employer relationship 😭

-> user11: like you don’t see charles taking his assistant on romantic candlelit dinners do you 😭

-> user12: maybe if he does that, he’ll win a wdc. lewis does it, and he won eight, to ME!

user26: her insta stories are packed with all the gifts he bought her omg. someone tallied it all up and why did it amount to 2.7 million?!????

-> user27: IM SO JEALOUS

alexandrasaintmleux: next time brunch is on me ! 🥰 happy birthday honey 💕

-> yourusername: ily alex :(

-> user7: 1644 got the baddest bitches i know that’s right!

user13: lewisyn be normal challenge: FAILED!

-> user14: lewisyn be hopelessly in love with each other and co-parent lewis’ dog together challenge: COMPLETE!

user15: everyone talking about how weird it is that lewis spoils yn for her bday but why can’t we NORMALISE this?????? i want MY lazy ass boss to see shit like this and feel so ashamed that he books me on a cruise or some shit 😭

user17: LEWISYN CONFIRMED !!! WE CHEERED !!

-> user18: did you see his birthday post to her? babe it’s BEEN confirmed 😭

user24: im new to this. is yn lewis’ wag?

-> user25: no! she’s his assistant.

-> user24: don’t believe it. sorry.

user16: to everyone thinking this is weird, lewis’ team are like family to him. yn has been with him for almost a decade. like ofc he’s gonna reward loyalty? especially when she’s gotten offers from other celebs and brands. she could have pivoted to being an influencer but she likes working for lewis and it’s clearly mutual?

*liked by yourusername.*

landonorris: did you get my flowers?

-> yourusername: no?? :(

-> lewishamilton: roscoe ate them. my bad.

-> user8: MESSY ASS 😭 that dog did not eat those damn flowers.

-> user9: roscoe at home rn like … what he say fuck me for 🐶

-> yourusername: dw lando!! we’ll still have our weekly movie night when i come back!!

-> landonorris: :D

— dream girl taglist: @flowergirl1134 @laur20a23 @greantii @rafebun @sumlovesjude @papayadays

— all works taglist: @luvsforme @yelenasloverrrrr @donttouchthegnote @chelle1306 @bloodyymaryyy @aliciaablueprint @lennnooshh @km-23mr @stinkyjax @f1kenzzz @ctrlyomomma @theblueblub @lavisenri @marshmummy @23victoria @ourlifeforchaos @namgification @tallrock35 @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @ariellovelynn @shhhchriss @lifeless-firefly @xylinasdiary @evie-119 @itseightbeats @tsireyasgf @landososcar @yongi-lee @maxlarens @velentine @m1892 (if you were on more than one of the taglists, i’ve only tagged you once! :) also if you’re on the solo lewis taglist, i’ll tag you in the mentions as tumblr limits mentions at 50 per post!! :( and if you’d like to join either taglist, fill out this form! make sure you read the explanatory box, fill the form out correctly and allow your account to be tagged or i can’t tag you!)

[mentally-gone002]

pretty genius boy

summary: spencer gets a haircut!

a/n: i am obsessed with jesus spencer and boyband spencer so… i decided to do a little fic abt him because he’s my husband (im delulu)

————————————————————————

the front door to mine and spencer’s apartment opened, signaling that he was home. 

he was earlier than expected. 

and so was i. 

i kept washing the few dishes that were left in the sink, blowing at a strand of hair that tickled my face when it grazed my cheek with my lips drawn to the side without looking up as spencer wandered into my line of sight, greeting me with a quick “hey” that caught my attention. he wasn’t looking at me, but at a file from work in his hands.

when i looked up i dropped the glass in my hand and then flinched when it hit the sink basin with a loud thud. “oh, my god!” i raised my voice is shock. “your hair!” 

he flinched at the glass thudding into the sink and then pursed his lips into a smile. “yeah,” he nodded. “what about it?” 

i scoffed, abandoning my chore with soap still clinging and dripping from my hands. “what about it?” i reiterated. “spencer… you chopped it all off!” i reached him and we stood toe to toe and i was craning my neck to see his new haircut. he looked very different. 

he frowned a little. “is that bad?” 

i shook my head quickly to make his frown disappear. “no, no, it’s just… i thought someone broke in at first glance.” i stifled a laugh, reaching a soapy hand to his hair. “give me an hour and i’ll tell you how i feel about it.” 

spencer nodded, laughing gently to himself at how i was looking at him. “okay.” he leaned down to my height and kissed my forehead. “i missed you.” 

“i missed you too.” i smiled into the second long contact. “and i miss your hair!” i frowned. 

he smiled. “it was too hot.” 

“you’re right.” i agreed with my arms crossing over my chest.

“i think you misunderstood the correct meaning of the word ‘hot’ in this context.” spencer told me.

i whined. “stop being so… genius. let me mourn the loss of your beautiful hair.” 

spencer rolled his eyes. “okay. you mourn, i’m gonna go shower.” 

i nodded and watched him disappear into our bedroom before walking back to the kitchen. i dried my hands and grabbed my phone, dialing penelope’s number. 

“hello my lovely!” she answered the phone in the same cheerful manner she always does. “what’s up?”

“spencer got a haircut.” i told her. 

she gasped, already intrigued. “what’s it look like? please tell me it’s not bad.”

i laughed. “it’s not bad it’s just… i wasn’t expecting it at all when he came home. it’s so short.” 

“how short are we talking?” she asked. 

i hummed. “think like… harry styles from one direction, but less fluffy.” 

the woman squealed over the phone. “oh, reid has a boyband haircut!” i could hear her typing quickly before she stopped, there was silence and then she giggled. 

“what’s so funny?” 

“i can’t wait to see his hair! he always has good haircuts. and if it’s anything like harry styles i’m going to go insane.” 

i laughed. “i told him to give me an hour to get used to it. i like it when it’s long because i can braid it.” 

she gave me a pitiful ‘awe’ and then asked, “do you think he’ll grow it back out?”

i hummed. “have you seen all the haircuts he’s had over the last few years? he never sticks to one for too long.” 

penelope agreed with a simple hum as i started walking towards our bedroom. “i’m gonna go, just wanted to update you on the ever changing plot of my life.” i chuckled, seeing the bathroom door adjoined to our bedroom open slightly. 

“i enjoy the updates. say hi to boy genius for me!” 

“i will.” i laughed and then hung up the phone prior to pulling the bathroom door wider for my entrance and then pushing it partially closed again. spencer was hidden behind the dark olive green shower curtain but that didn’t stop me from peeking around it to stare at him. 

his back was to me but i still focused on his wet hair that was a few shades darker and the smallest sight of muscle definition over his back. 

maybe i didn’t need an hour for his short hair to grow on me. 

i withdrew my head from the shower curtain and left the bathroom, smiling to myself with the fond thought of him in my head. 

i went back to the kitchen to finish the dishes and by the time i was done spencer was back in the room with me, a tee shirt covering his chest and sweatpants covered his legs. 

“hi.” he rounded the island in the kitchen to stand beside me at the sink, back to the counter. he looked down at me with the same kind eyes he always had. 

i smiled and shut off the running water so that i could move and stand between spencer’s legs. “hi.” i studied his messy towel dried hair prior to reaching up and touching some of the strands, twirling them between my fingers, then letting my hand slide down to touch his face. i looked into his eyes before saying, “i know it hasn’t been an hour, but it’s grown on me.” a smirk slipped over my lips as he grinned as well. 

“i knew you wouldn’t need an hour.” he teased lightly, leaning down to capture my lips with his for a brief second. 

i scoffed. “how did you know?”

“i’m a profiler, honey.” he reminded. 

i nodded gently, sighing contently. “ah, yes. i forgot.” my smile reflected my teasingly feigned innocence that spencer smiled at. “but seriously, i love it. it suits you, and you’re as handsome as ever.” i winked, smiling widely. spencer kissed me again. i could feel how his lips curled into a grin. “pretty genius boy.”

spencer tucked his head into my neck. i knew he was smiling.

i put my fingers in his now short hair, loving how easy it was to comb my fingers through it now.