#until i went to the pharmacy in person and asked

[darnell-la]

𝗗𝗘𝗔𝗗𝗟𝗬 𝗠𝗜𝗫

pairing: dark!dom!Logan Howlett x non-mutant!fem!reader

warning: drugging, head butting, oral (fem receiving), nightmare fuck, woken from sleep, rough fuck, multiple orgasms, obsession, etc.

note: we can’t stop writing about this man. he’s everything we need.

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𝟯𝗥𝗗 𝗣𝗘𝗥𝗦𝗢𝗡 𝗣𝗢𝗩

“Maybe you’re just no one’s type anymore, sugar. That attitude doesn’t sit well on women like you,” Logan said across the bar after hearing y/n complain to Storm that it’s hard to find a person she’s interested in.

“Or maybe you can mind your business!?” Y/n turned to look his way with a yell. Storm slightly touched her back to calm her now. “No! — I’m tired of him talking. It’s not like you’re so sweet yourself!” Y/n said.

Logan looked at the frustrated young lady with a grin as he placed his cigar in his mouth. “Ain’t like your dick could stand up still either,” she said, making the people who were listening, laugh.

“Ahh, wouldn’t you like to know,” Logan said, unfazed by the small words she tried to use to hurt his feelings. “Actually, I wouldn’t, because even Jean didn’t want a piece of you. And that was when you were younger,” she said.

People were shocked at her words, still laughing but watching out how much. They knew mentioning Jane was a topic he hated hearing.

“Watch what you say. Just because you ain’t a mutant, don’t mean I won’t handle you,” Logan said. Of course, her heart rate raised, but she stood her ground as she got up from the bar seat.

“Try me,” she said, making the metal-boned man laugh as he approached her. He could see her chest rise, knowing she wanted nothing she challenged him to do.

Logan looked back at Storm who was shaking her head as she pointed at the shit glasses y/n had downed. A whole tray that hold at least fifteen was insane for a human.

Logan looked back at y/n understanding why she felt so much emotion tonight. Her eyes were glossy and she slightly swayed back and forth. She was definitely halfway to passing out.

Logan leaned forward, mouth slightly grazing Y/n’s ear. “Go to bed, sweet cheeks,” Logan said as his hot breath hit the side of her face before heading to his room.

It’s been a few weeks since the incident at the bar with Logan. Y/n decided to keep it cool for a while until no one expected anything.

“Logan, can you please get my phone from the living room while I cook, please?” Y/n asked. He sighed loudly, always grumpy about something as he got up and walked out of the kitchen.

Y/n quickly pulled two pills out of her pocket and dropped them into his full glass of liquor. She had gone through the pharmacy they had for mutants downstairs, and searched for something that would make him rethink what he said to her.

Y/n went to walk away until she stopped and thought of his constant bullying since she got here.

Y/n pulled two boxes from her other pocket, took every pill from their wrapper, and dumped them in his drink. “One for your lazy dick, and the other energy since I should go to sleep early,”

Y/n quickly through the trash in the bin before running back to continue cooking. “Almost done,” she smiled as he placed her phone down with a fake smile back.

“For a mutant, you sure do get tired walkin’ room to room,” y/n snickered as he downed his drink. If he looked at the glass, he would’ve noticed something off, but he didn’t think of it.

“Does liquor get old these days? Fuckin’ hell,” Logan spoke with a few coughs. Y/n did her best, to keep her laughing. He had no clue.

“Logan, relax!” Y/n heard Scott yell somewhere in the mansion. At first, she thought they were arguing again until something broke and Jane screamed. What the hell is going on?

Y/n quickly got up from her bed and ran out of her room, toward where ever they were. “Logan, relax! Y-You’re safe!” Jane spoke. She’s told y/n she had to use those words whenever he got out of control.

“What’s wrong?” Y/n asked as she stepped around the corner. Logan’s head instantly snapped towards her. “No,” Scott said, having a feeling what Logan was going to do.

“Y/n, stay back. H-He’s not doing well right-“ Jean spoke but got knocked out of the way by Logan running towards y/n. As well as Scott.

Y/n tried to run, but before she could turn all the way around, he grabbed her, quickly throwing her over his shoulders before running away.

“Hey! — Let me go, Logan! Stop it!” She yelled as he ran towards the front door. Where was he taking her? Why was he taking her? He almost made it out of the mansion with her in hand until Storm used the wind to drag y/n back.

Logan stumbled, realizing she wasn’t in his hold anymore. He turned around stepped forward followed after y/n was dragged back until he looked up to see the whole crew staring right back at him.

Logan let out a loud growl before running off and out into the darkness of night.

“What the fuck!” Y/n shouted as Storm lifted her up and Jean checked her for any bruises. “What the hell is his problem?” Y/n asked as Scott ran out of the house to see where Logan had run off.

“Motherfucker’s taking my bike!” Scott shouted. “We don’t know. He was sitting on the couch, eatin’ the rest of the food you cooked, as always, then — then he started switching,” Jean said.

“At first it was mild, but I noticed it first. He then asked where you were and if we thought you’d be asleep yet,” Storm said. “We said we didn’t know, and he instantly grew angry,” Jean said.

“Motherfucker got up to go to your room and I stopped him before he could,” Scott said as he ran back into the mansion. It was late and y/n was confused. What was happening?

Y/n’s currently in her room as the crew took the yet to go find Logan. Xavier came with them. He said, maybe if he got closer to Logan, he could ease into his mind.

The school has been out for a couple of weeks, so the kids are either with their parents or in buddy groups somewhere in instate.

This means y/n has the whole mansion to herself on one of the worst days possible. While an animal is loose. A wild animal.

Y/n thought if she closed her eyes and went to sleep, she wouldn’t stress as much, so that’s what she did. Now she’s deep in her sleep, dreaming about what she was trying to distract herself from. Logan.

Logan was chasing her through the long halls. Every door being locked and the hall getting longer was the most terrifying part of the nightmare.

He chased her for what felt like hours. Each time he spoke, it felt like he was closer.

“Don’t run” “Stay still” “Mhm — That’s it” “All that shit talkin’ and you’re cryin’. Pathetic,” he said with a chuckle following behind his voice.

“Please, someone help!” She yelled in her dreams as she felt his breath on her neck. She was caught. Logan grabbed y/n and dragged her to a room that would’ve been locked for her.

“You’re a fast one, but I’ve gotcha,” he growled low as he hovered over the girl, lips inches from hers. “Smellin’ so good for me. You’re such a tease,” Logan ripped her clothes off. They disappear into dust. She knew she had to be dreaming.

“Runnin’ from me, but you’re soaked. You’re a lair, baby,” he said as he slipped her panties off, sniffing them before placing them in his back pocket. “Now how about ya cum for me?”

Y/n woke up slowly, hearing a voice in her room. “Now how about ya cum for me?” She heard for the second time, but in between her legs. Y/n whined as she looked down, not knowing what was happening until she saw him.

Logan was in between her legs, sucking on her pussy like a starved man. “Logan!” She screamed, scared at first until her back arched from the full effect of his tongue all over and between her folds.

Logan watched her reaction as he ducked on her hard, eating her out rougher than before. He’s been at this for. Good thirsty minutes and still couldn’t get enough.

“Gimme another,” he said. “What? — I-I don’t- Fuck,” y/n’s eyes rolled back. He was working her just right. He knew he was. He’s been waiting all night. From when he was eating the rest of dinner, to when he hid in the woods, waiting for the crew to leave, to sneaking in her room, hoping not to wake her up too early.

“Give me a 6th one, heh? Then I’ll fill ya up,” Logan said as he slipped two fingers into her cunt, curling and pumping into her to force another one he so desperately wanted.

The instant pressure of his fingers sent y/n over the edge with a loud cry and shake. She came all over his face, wetting him like a waterpark.

“Fuuuck,” Logan groaned, feeling in heaven. “Can never get tired of that, princess,” Logan said as he crawled up and over her until he attacked his lips onto her, softly.

Y/n kissed back for a second, feeling too deep into the mood. She only lasted for a little bit after she woke up, but she was sure this was the best orgasm she’s ever had.

“Logan- Logan!” Y/n pushed at his chest, making him lean back. “W-We can’t. They’re looking for you and you’re — You’re here eating me out and making out with me and-“ y/n’s mind ran everywhere until he cut her off with a short kiss.

“It’s okay, sugar. I need them out of the house for what I’m about to do to you,” Logan said, confusing her. “Logan — You’re feeling this way because I drugged you,” y/n blurted out.

Logan forced over her as she slapped her hands over her face in embarrassment. “Saying that out loud makes me feel bad, but, yes. I put a whole box of energy pills and Viagra on your drink when you went and grabbed my phone — I-I’m sorry,” y/n genuinely apologizes.

She thought he was going to lash out before she heard him chuckle. That chuckle turned into a laugh as he leaned up off of the bed.

“Baby, I pieced that together when I was in the living room, eatin,” Logan said as y/n backed up against her headboard. “My plan was to go up to your room and confront you before fucking you into your mattress, but Scott stopped me,”

“Then I saw you come around the corner and thought I could fuck you into the dirty in the woods like the low and pathetic slut you are, but Scott stopped me again,”

“So I ran — I knew they’d come looking for me. I waited in the woods for nearly an hour. Cock throbbing. Balls waiting to empty. I wanted to jack one off right then, but I knew it wouldn’t have been enough,”

“Besides — I’d rather fill every whole you’ve got to satisfy my needs,” Logan said before lunging at y/n. Y/n screamed and fought, trying to get from under him, but there was no use. He was stronger and wild. He needed her now.

“Keep fightin, baby. Always seemed hot knowing you couldn’t overpower me, even if you tried,” he mocked as he ripped his jeans off of him, as well as his boxers.

“N-No, no, no! Logan, I-I’m not doing this. I’m not doing — That!” Y/n said after seeing his length. He was long. He was huge. Veins nearly covered the whole thing. His balls looked stiff and in need of release.

“You’re gonna take it. You brought this on yourself, princess,” Logan said as he ripped his shirt off. Y/n had just noticed she was fully naked. He had stripped her from her nightgown when she was sleeping.

“I-It was a mistake!” Y/n tried pushing back as he came in between her legs. “Was it though? I smell how wet you get around me every day. All that anger is just an excuse because you’re too bitchy to ask for my cock,” Logan looked directly into her eyes, just a few inches away.

“Well, you won’t have to ask anymore. I’ve got the picture from now on,” Logan forced his huge length inside of y/n, stretching her walls in an instant. She cried at the pain but moaned at the pleasure.

“Yeah,” he growled, teeth stuck together. “Gonna fuck you all fuckin’ night,” Logan’s hips began to move at an ungodly pace. The huge man leaned over y/n like an inhuman form. Deep down he was.

He placed her legs on his shoulders and pushed down into her like some duck doll he had ready in his room for him.

Her lower back was slightly in the air. She could him thrust into her fully. She was forced to watch him use her cunt like some movie.

“L-Logan,” y/n threw her head back as she came unexpectedly from the angle he had her in. “Look at that waterfall. So fuckin’ pretty,” Logan wished he could slurp her up, but he was too busy digging in her guts for more.

“You know — That comment about Jean back at the bar — It was unnecessary,” Logan began a conversation with y/n. She was so confused about how because she was struggling to keep her mind straight. Her head already seemed light.

“I should’ve dragged you to my room then, but I was calm. Noticed you had a few drinks. Drinks always make sluts act out,” he spat.

“Anyway — About Jean. Yeah, I lost feelings a while ago. You wanna know when? When you came along,” he admitted. “Those sexy jeans and top that hugged your body set me off, quick. Jean was outta there,”

“Then your personality. Sweet and precious but evil to people like me. People who’re assholes,” he leaned closer to her face. “But, you know what, baby? I think you like assholes. Just look at the way you take my cock. I’m basically bullying myself into you,”

He wasn’t wrong. Before y/n signed up to teach at the school slash mansion, she was always caught up with some deuce. She wouldn’t be lying if she said she felt a type of way around Logan after realizing how grumpy and mean he can get.

She didn’t realize at the time, but when he felt the need to let some steam loose earlier today, he asked, looking for y/n. Not Jean. His mind was all on y/n.

“Such a slut — You’re squeezing me,” he teased as he felt himself grow close. “Keep goin’ — I know you like this,” he said as y/n’s mouth parted. The groan leaving Logan’s mouth as he watched y/n cum on his cock for the second time tonight, sent him over the edge.

The man had no words. All he could do was groan and growl loudly as he pounded into her, watching the light leave her eyes. She was definitely done for tonight.

“Fuck!” He yelled, cum spilling into her throbbing cunt. Logan thrust slowly, watching their cum coat his cock. He knew after tonight, that he’d need her every night. He was going to make that happen whether her attitude matched his or not.

[stray-kaz]

The Sleepover : a Yeon Sieun x f!reader oneshot

Summary: Sieun's dad is away for the weekend. He invites you to your first sleepover. Unsupervised.

A/N: this is a continuation of Sleep Study, some time down the track. They're probably heading towards eighteen, so please, only those of suitable age. Warm intimacy ahead.

Sieun waited for you when school had finished on Monday, leaning against the brick wall, patient and quiet. Doleful eyes becoming soft the second they rested on you and his hands came up to hold your hips as you leaned into his body.

"Hi" you said softly, and he shifted so he could gently press his forehead to yours.

Unnoticed by both of you, Suho passed by, grinning and rolling his eyes. You two were so far down the rabbit hole, he was surprised either of you could still see in front of you. He knew Sieun was nervous as hell about something, and he was pretty sure he knew what it was.

"My dad is away on a work trip this weekend" Sieun says finally, his fingers digging a little more firmly into your hips through your skirt.

You nodded, listening and enjoying the feel of his chest against yours. His heart was beating a little erratically, which was unusual. He hardly ever displayed fear or nerves, and when you were kissing, you were too busy wondering if he could feel your heartbeat to worry about the state of his.

"Do you want to come over and stay Friday night?"

His question was barely a breath and you had to ask him to repeat it. He did and your heart doubled in speed, your ribs barely able to contain it. Sieun waited, watching you, accustomed by now to the stunned silences that arrived whenever he asked you a personal question. Do you want to come over and study? Can I be your boyfriend? What's your favourite flower? What's French kissing? And now this.

He prodded your cheek lightly and your eyes snapped to his.

"Remember to breathe" he murmured, smiling faintly.

You shivered slightly and bit your lip on a smile.

"Yes" you answered him, eventually. "I would like that. Shall I bring snacks?"

Without really thinking about it, Sieun dragged one hand up and down your back, pressing you even closer against him. Your nose pressed into his shoulder and you simply...deflated, whole body going boneless. He loved when he had this effect on you, when you could barely stand up because of the butterflies rioting in your stomach. When you felt so safe with him and you knew he could hold you up.

"Snacks sound good" he said quietly.

In the middle of the week, Sieun found himself standing in the scariest pharmacy aisle in the world. Birth control products and pregnancy tests mocked him with their shiny boxes. He didn't know what he was doing here. Or he did. Sort of.

He didn't know for sure if it would happen, but he had to be ready in case it did. Hope fluttered feathers in his chest.

Suho had told him he needed to communicate with you, ask questions, learn what you liked and didn't, talk you through...? Whatever that meant. But you liked him how he was. You said so. At least once a week. He just had to hope you still liked his silence in his bed. If it got that far.

His mind returned unwillingly to the task at hand, staring at each and every different kind of condom known to mankind. Plain, ribbed, flavoured? What size? His head spun. There were fewer choices to make in an exam.

Older guys came and went, glancing at him with amused eyes as they made their choices and left him there, standing alone and increasingly more confused. Until, finally, one man in his twenties took pity on him. He picked out a plain box and handed it to him.

"Sometimes simple is best, kid" he said, raising an eyebrow. "Don't think so hard about it. If you're here, she already likes you, right? You're halfway already!"

He clapped him on the shoulder and Sieun blinked, closing his fist around the box. He nodded slowly in lieu of a bow, and went up to the counter to pay, unable to look the female cashier in the eye. He shoved the box into his backpack and pushed through the door, headed out into the dark for home.

At home hidden away in his room, Sieun sat at his desk, hunched over an anatomy book, occasionally shooting rapid glances at his desk drawer, hyper aware of the box of condoms stashed at the back of it. He pored over the diagrams of female anatomy with the hard focus of exam prep.

He didn't know if you were going to allow him to touch you, but if you did, he needed to be prepared to know where he was going. He had some idea. Kissing you up to now almost always ended with you climbing into his lap and making soft kitten noises as you rubbed against him, gone a little mindless with need while he tried to figure out where to put his hands.

So, clearly, your body responded to his.

His bedroom door opened without warning and he hastily covered the anatomy pages with a school work book as his father poked his head into the room. A flicker of suspicion passed in his eyes, but then it was gone as quick as it had arrived.

"Have you eaten?"

Eyes a little too wide for innocence and heart pounding, Sieun nodded.

"Yeah. I'm good."

A beat passed and his door closed again. He sighed in relief and went right back to the drawings.

A familiar arm slung itself around your shoulders and you tilted your head to look up into Suho's smiling dark eyes.

"So...big weekend ahead for you guys, huh?" he asked you, waggling his eyebrows.

You shoved him, but he hardly budged, laughing.

"Shut up, Suho" you retorted, elbowing his side. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh, I think I do" he argued, grinning. "Your first sleepover!"

You were saved from having to bluster your way through a response by the warm, strong hand sliding into yours and the hard, flat look Sieun shot Suho.

"Stop pestering her" he muttered. "Go find your girlfriend. Bother her instead."

Suho shot him a delighted grin.

"I think I will."

He loped back down the hallway and Sieun squeezed your hand.

"Ready? Do you have your pajamas?"

You shook your head, turning a delicate shade of pink.

"No. I thought I could borrow some of your clothes instead?"

Sieun's steps faltered slightly as he swallowed hard. He couldn't lie; the sudden image in his head of you padding around in his clothes sent a bolt of lightning right through him.

He was brought back to the corridor by you squeezing his hand and quietly saying his name.

"Sieun-ah" you murmured. "Is that okay? If it's not, I can go home first to get pajamas."

Sieun shook his head, eyeing you sidelong.

"No" he said, his voice coming out harsh and gravelly; he cleared his throat to fix it. "No. It's fine. I have...clothes you can wear."

Your answering smile kickstarted his heart and he bit his lip remembering the secret hidden in his desk drawer at home.

The TV was off, its screen black. The lights were dimmed, the living room warm and easy with impending sleep. Empty snack packets covered the low table. You lay with your feet curled up on the couch, your head on Sieun's lap, half asleep, his hand shaking slightly as he petted your hair. You were still in your uniform, and his eyes kept straying to the spot where the hem of your skirt met your thighs.

You yawned and his hand stopped. You reached up to pat the back of it, urging it onward.

"Why'd you stop?" you mumbled sleepily.

He smiled at the blank television screen.

"You're falling asleep" he murmured back. "I think it's time for bed. You can shower first. I got a towel ready for you."

You lifted your head and stumbled up off the couch, pausing only to grab clean underwear from your backpack before heading into the bathroom.

Sieun's head moved in the direction of the sound of water running and he closed his eyes to the knowledge that you were probably naked now. Naked and in his home, alone. Just the two of you together.

He stood up and started pacing, wearing a path in the carpet as he imagined hot water sluicing down your body, turning it pink, sliding past all the places he hadn't touched yet.

He had driven himself nearly insane by the time you walked back in, but his eyes and his entire demeanor softened when he saw you in his white hoodie. It swamped you in soft fabric, and from just beneath the hem, peeked a pair of his boxers, whisper soft against your skin.

You stuck your hands in the big front pocket and smiled shyly at him.

"It's comfy" you told him, quiet in the sudden silence. "Thank you."

Sieun didn't say anything. He just strode for you, cupped your face in his warm hands and took your mouth with a gasp of barely suppressed need. You whimpered in response and he growled quietly against your lips; your knees failed and he wrapped an arm around you to hold you up, flush against him. Chest, stomach, hips, all pressed close. Weak fingers gripped his rumpled collar, anything to ground yourself.

He breathed you in, sucked on your lower lip, bit at it, bruised it. Fever gripped him as your hands dug at his shoulders, found the heated sides of his neck, tunneled into his hair. The one person he didn't mind touching it, he wanted your hands in it.

You tasted like peppermint toothpaste, the last thing that had passed your lips, and he knew he probably tasted like whatever sour candy you had forced him to try, but he didn't care and you clearly didn't, judging by the battle you were fighting with his teeth, to get past and touch his tongue. You found it, sucked on it, his knees shifted hard under him.

"Jagi" he panted, breaking free to hold his forehead to yours. "Do you want - "

"Yes" you whispered fast. "Do you?"

He opened his eyes slowly to look into yours, his pupils swirling vortexes of desire. He glanced down at the same time he pushed impossibly nearer to you and you felt the proof of how badly he wanted to. Uniform trousers couldn't hide much. He heard you bite back a moan, forcing it back down your throat, felt your fingers curling, tightening in his hair. He sighed.

"Bed."

You nodded and he led you into his room, trying to ignore the uncomfortable press of his zip. He was used to the feeling from the too short, always interrupted minutes of your weight in his lap, pressing down, needing but never getting. He wondered if after those times, you dealt with the aching problem yourself, or if, like him, you couldn't bear to because it wouldn't be the same.

Now. Now...you could fix it together.

And also now...now you were pressing at the front of his pants, gentle pressure from your palm turning to more eager pushing when he grunted quietly at your touch. The fingers of your other hand snuck towards his zip, even pulled it halfway down before he stopped you, briefly shaking his head. You looked at him, waiting. His mouth twisted slightly, as if he didn't want to admit the words but needed to. So that you understood him.

"If you touch me first, it'll be over before it's started" he said, voice low. "I haven't...done anything since you fell asleep on my bed. I've been holding out for you."

Your eyes widened, blinking between the apparent strain in his pants and the slightly devastated look on his face.

"Oh" you said in the quietest, most desperate voice he'd ever heard.

Then your hands were on him, plucking at the buttons on his shirt until they loosened, and your longing gaze dragged from the golden column of his throat revealed by the loose collar to the surprising broad of his chest and the smooth planes of his stomach. At your insistent tugs, Sieun shrugged out of the white shirt and let it drop to the floor. He felt your eager eyes all over him, committing him to memory. Then all of a sudden, unable to wait again, greedy for him, you wrapped your arms around his neck and kissed him, open and heated, the familiar ache building between your thighs.

You pushed and he went, stepping back to sit on the edge of his bed, your sweet familiar weight sinking into his lap dragging a whimper up his throat. You matched your hips to his, already beginning the slow easy grind that swept all thoughts clean out of his head, and yours.

Sieun kissed like you were fragile, blown glass ready to shatter if he held you too tight, a contrast to his usual firm grasp on your hips as you moaned unintelligible sounds into his mouth. As if now that his dream was coming true, he was afraid to let it. So you took his hands and led them up to your chest, molding his palms against the shape of your breasts through the thick fabric of his hoodie you wore. The animal howl he released into your mouth sent a dart of heat right down through your belly, and you gently squeezed his hands over you.

"It's okay" you mumbled against his lips, gentle and swollen pressed to yours. "Touch."

He learned you through the hoodie while you touched him in turn, his face hot beneath your questing hands, his shoulders sloped and warm, arms strong and quivering leading to where he touched you. Your favourite part of him now you'd seen it, his stomach, tensed and relaxed, tensed and relaxed, as you traced it, gently at first and then firmer.

"Sieun, you're so..." you murmured against his mouth, trying to pull the best word from your heat befuddled mind. "...good."

He sighed and stroked a firm hand down your back, landing on your ass and pushing you against him. You rocked slowly, and he felt you suddenly holding your breath, trying to concentrate instead on the pulse building between your thighs.

"Jagi" he whispered, and pushed his hands up the front of his hoodie on you to rub gentle thumbs over your nipples.

You bit your lip on a quiet whimper and shifted faster over him. Sieun stopped kissing you to watch your face, smoky brown eyes wide as you flew apart on his lap. You slowed and melted against him, nuzzling into the side of his neck as your hips twitched continuously with tiny aftershocks. He rubbed your back and murmured broken words of praise into your hair.

"Yah" he said softly. "We don't have to if you're done."

You shook your head and stumbled backwards off his lap on trembling legs.

"No, please" you begged, desperation edging your tone. "I love you, I want you, Yeon Sieun."

His pupils blew wide as a planet and you hurried to pull his hoodie off over your head, sending your hair flying into disarray. He didn't notice your hair. He noticed the sweet flare of your hips in his boxers, the softness of your stomach and the peaks of your breasts. Your chest rose and fell rapidly under the intensity of his gaze, your cheeks flushing his favourite colour.

Then, surprising you, Sieun got up and moved around you to his desk, pulling open the drawer and fumbling inside it. He tossed something onto the bed and your eyes followed it, widening slightly when you recognised what it was. Then you heard the soft shuffle of his pants coming off and tried to turn, but he was already right up behind you, only three layers of cotton between you and what you really wanted to be inside you.

And then there were only two layers as he shucked off his boxers and pressed himself against you, gently rocking until you whined and spread your legs so he fitted in between them, his arms wrapped around you, one hand spread over your stomach.

"I'm sorry if I'm quiet" he mumbled. "I promise I'll like it."

You let out a soft pleased sound and Sieun carefully grabbed the sides of his boxers you were wearing, hooking his thumbs into the sides of your underwear and pulling them both down together. You stepped out of them and he rose up behind you again, reaching around to slip an eager hand down over your stomach and lower, fingers softly swirling until he found what he was looking for.

You cried out in surprise, jerking forward slightly, and Sieun pulled you gently back to him with a hand firm on your hip, intent on learning. He toyed you out of your shell, teasing, drawing lazy figure eights then faster, tighter circles, until you were shaking against him and keening loudly and his fingers were wet and slick.

"I knew I could do it if I studied hard enough" he muttered, seemingly to himself.

You choked on a laugh and fell forward onto the bed, crawling away from him. He was mesmerised by the slow sway of your hips and became suddenly too aware of how painfully hard he was. He watched you flip onto your back, knees apart, and reach to pick up the box he'd tossed earlier. You opened it and pulled out a foil packet, holding it out to him.

As Sieun ripped it carefully open and followed the instructions to the letter, you climbed under his covers. He followed you hastily, a faint chill chasing him now that he wasn't touching you. You clung to him, wrapping your arms and legs around him, feeling him prod your inner thigh.

He kissed you, sweet and slow, until his breath came too heavy to concentrate on anything but the hard weight of him pressing just out of reach of where you both wanted him. He reached down to touch your thighs, ease them further apart for him, pressed his lips to yours, one, two, three times.

"I hope it doesn't hurt" he whispered to you, his words shaking slightly. "I'm not going to last long. I hope it's okay."

You kissed him again, sucking lightly on his lower lip before he had to pull away to see what he was doing. You watched his expression get hazy and heard him moan a curse as he looked down at you, warm and expectant for him.

The brief pressure, the tiniest spark of pain, were nothing compared with his tightly closed eyes, jaw so tense it might shatter and the fact he had stopped moving entirely out of fear he wouldn't even make it all the way in before filling the condom. You reached up to touch his face, stroking his cheek, brushing your thumb down his nose.

"Sieun" you murmured. "You okay?"

He nodded tightly.

"Yeah. Just...wait for me? I - I can't...I don't want to come yet."

You nodded, then tilted his head down so you could kiss him, your mind going pleasantly blank as you breathed him in and your hips started moving on their own as they always did whenever you were kissing him. Sensation pushed solidly through you and you gasped, head throwing back just in time for Sieun to groan a strangled noise into your throat.

You barely knew what you'd done, but your body was singing it to you, all chords humming and blazing at once: he was inside you. You stretched languorously and Sieun rocked gently, desperately deeper inside you, keening quietly. You gazed up at him, wonderstruck, hitching your hips with each of his careful thrusts.

He was quiet, but not totally. The room filled with soft moans, the slip of sheets on skin, the barely restrained desperation of trying not to come too fast.

But he couldn't help it. You were too good, too warm and wet and sweet wrapped around him, crying out to him each time he moved. You cried his name, fingers in his hair, and he was gone.

He finished with a gasp of your name and a shudder, spilling out and collapsing onto your chest. You held him tight, still warm and full of him. Until he started to worry the condom might break and slowly eased out of you to get rid of it.

When he returned to his bed, he was blushing and shy, shoulders rounding. But you sat up, still naked, and hugged him, fierce and close.

"You're perfect" you whispered in his ear. "Let's do it again tomorrow."

You had never seen him smile so big.

Tagging: @writingmysanity

[tonfairy]

In Silence, Still Yours

pairing : ex-boyfriend! anton x fem! reader genre : angst, fluff wc : 1.8k

💌 : hello ! another fic 🩷 sorry it took me a little longer, this was supposed to be uploaded last week, but i got busy </3 . . proofread so enjoy <3 !

Anton, wrapped in a thick blanket, shifting between waves of intense perspiration and deep chills, feels his mind foggy. He hasn’t slept properly because of the tightness in his chest and the continuous discomfort of sore throat— that’s what he feels right now. 

He woke up from the discomfort he felt, sat up in bed and zoned out for minutes before looking at the digital clock on his nightstand — “shit! it's already 8 p.m.,” he cursed, realizing it was time to eat and take his medicine. 

Even though his body feels weak, Anton gets out of bed, grabs his hoodie, and goes to the nearest convenience store to buy something to eat. He can't think of any foods because all he thinks of is that he needs to eat, so when he saw instant ramen, he grabbed it right away.

He then went to a nearby pharmacy to buy some medicine before going back to his apartment. Anton put hot water on the instant ramen and let it sit for minutes for it to be cooked. The aroma of ramen filled the air as he scrolled through his phone while he waited. He takes off the peel-back lid and proceeds to eat. 

He kept scrolling through his phone while eating, until your post appeared on his feed—a photo dump from your university’s latest event. A sharp breath escaped him at the sudden sight of you. He continued eating, but he couldn’t deny how pretty you looked in the photos you posted—pretty, as always.

He could only shake his head and sigh, thinking about you once again. He took his medicine and went back to his bed to sleep. Given his situation right now, he still can't get proper sleep; what is supposed to be sleep ends up as just a nap. And he also feels he needs something — your warmth. 

For the first time, Anton fell sick with no one by his side. Living far from his family because of his studies, all they could offer were material and moral support from afar. Too shy to ask his friends for help unless absolutely necessary, he found himself relying on the only person who had always cared for him during times like this — you, his ex-girlfriend.

You and Anton dated for almost three years but broke up two months ago because you both realized that, as much as you cared for each other, you needed space to grow individually before you could truly move forward. Although it's been months since you both parted ways, for Anton, it feels like just yesterday — the pain is still fresh for him, and it's the same for you. Even if the distance is necessary, it still doesn't feel right, and at times you both ponder whether time will ever utterly heal the space between you.

Your relationship with Anton ended on good terms, as both of you understood the reasons behind it. That's why, from time to time, you and Anton still interact when you bump into each other in the hallways, library, canteen, or other places around the university, since you both attend the same school. 

Of course, you could be civil, but in this matter, would he still be able to ask you to come over? Anton said in his mind. Should I ask her? Is she busy? Would she reply? Would she answer my call? he asked himself. “She's probably sleeping already, Anton! — It's already late, stop bothering her!” Anton responded to himself. But Anton hesitantly called you anyway. He tried. 

“Y/N…” Anton said in a weak, raspy voice. 

“Anton…?” you responded, confused. “Uh… what made you call?” you added, still shocked by the sudden call from your ex-boyfriend. 

“Sorry… Did I wake you up?” *coughs* “Did I bother you?” Anton asked, his voice still weak and barely above a whisper.

“No! I. . I’m just watching a ser — wait, are you sick? you sound so weak,” you could tell something wasn’t right with your ex just by his voice.

“I am... that’s why I called,” *sniffs* "I was going to ask if you could come over... I mean, it’s fine if you can’t," Anton said in the same tone. “I’m sorry if I sounded off. .” *sniffs* “I can barely sleep because of fever…” he added.

“Oh gosh . . Sure! Wait for me, baby,” you quickly responded before ending the call without realizing you'd called him the way you used to call him before. You didn't hesitate to come over because you can’t bear to see Anton sick, especially knowing that you can take care of him as a pre-med student. 

You took a quick shower before preparing yourself. After preparing, you quickly grabbed your sweater and left your apartment. You weren't using your phone after the call with Anton because all you could think of was to go to his apartment as soon as possible, so when you opened your phone, you saw Anton’s message on your notification. 

I might be asleep when you arrive, but the passcode is still the same.

Take Care :) 

You freeze for a second after reading Anton’s text — why hasn't he changed the passcode yet? His passcode is the date of your greatest chess tournament achievement, which is why you wondered about it—but you let it slide; maybe he just hasn’t had time to change it. 

You drop by the convenience store on your way to his apartment to buy him Pocari Sweat so he wouldn’t be dehydrated, and some bread in case he wants to eat something light. It is something you always bring whenever he's sick. 

When you arrived at his apartment, you saw Anton sleeping on his bed, and you could tell that he was in discomfort. You sigh at the current situation of your ex-lover; you can't help but feel bad, poor boy. 

You sit on the side of his bed and start stroking his hair before placing your hand on his neck to check if he's still burning hot. “Toni, I’m here,” you said softly, but it was enough to wake Anton up.

He then groans in response before speaking, “y/n...” eyes barely open. 

“Toni, have you taken your medicine?”  you asked while continuing to stroke his hair.

Anton just hummed in response. You took the thermometer from your bag and put it on Anton.

While waiting for the thermometer to beep, you went to his closet to get some clothes for him to change into.

As the thermometer beeps, you look at it and it says 38 degrees. 

“Toni, get up— change your clothes, your back is sweaty,” you said, waking him up.

You helped Anton get up and change his clothes.

“Did you eat already? I can cook you rice porridge if you want and—” 

“Yes, please.” Anton quickly responded, cutting off your words. 

“Okay, wait for me here,” you responded. 

“No— uh... can I go to the kitchen too?” he asked. 

“Uh… okay, sure!” you answered.

Anton sat on the dining chair, scrolling through his phone while waiting for the rice porridge to finish cooking. The sweet aroma of purple yam filled the apartment. He missed that smell—he missed you. 

You walked over to the dining table and asked gently, “How long have you been sick?” 

“Since last night… I already had a cold,” he replied. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” you asked, your voice carrying more edge than you'd intended.

Anton looked surprised by your tone—almost like you were scolding him.

“Uh… I’m sorry. I just thought I didn’t have the right to anymore,” he said quietly, eyes still on his phone.

You could feel the hesitation in his voice, the quiet courage it must’ve taken just to reach out. A wave of guilt washed over you.

That question… you shouldn’t have asked it like that. It hit you—he wasn’t your boyfriend anymore. 

“I understand,” you said, softening your voice. “We’re not together, but I want you to know I’d never ignore you in times like this.” 

You met his eyes. “Anton, you always have the right to ask— Or to tell me something like this…I care about you— I always will.” 

Your words hung in the air. Anton didn’t say anything at first, but the look on his face told you everything. Even if you were a little too straightforward, your words gave him something he hadn’t had in a while—assurance. And maybe, just maybe, a sense of hope.

You went back to the kitchen to get the rice porridge and give it to Anton. 

“I missed this smell so much— I missed your cooking,” Anton said. 

You just hummed in response. You just look at Anton while he eats, which he noticed. 

“Are you just going to watch me eat?” he asked, confused. 

“Yes—I’m full,” you answered.

“Are you that hungry?” you chuckle, asking Anton.

“I… I just missed it!” Anton whines. 

“You missed me that much, huh?” you continue to tease him. 

“Shut up!” he responded, whining. 

You just laughed at the moment. A bowl of purple yam rice porridge gave Anton the comfort he needed at times like this. 

As Anton finished eating, you handed him the Pocari Sweat.

“Drink this, so you won't be dehydrated,” you told him. 

“Yes, Doctor!” He answered playfully. 

You just rolled your eyes at the response of your ex-lover. 

You both then went back to his room. Anton lies down on his bed, while you get a towel from his closet and go to the kitchen to get a glass of water and a small basin for water and the towel to soak. 

You headed back to his room, you placed the basin on his nightstand along with the glass of water. 

“Toni, drink your meds before you go to sleep,” you told Anton while handing him his medicine.

Anton got up from his bed and sat on the bedside, taking the medicine as you handed him the glass of water. 

“Take a shower tomorrow! You already smell,” you jokingly said to Anton. 

“Shut up! How can you say that to your baby?” he teasingly replied. 

“What the hell! What are you talking about!?” you raised your eyebrows, wondering where he got that. 

“You called me baby earlier— on the phone,” he replied. 

“Oh!... uh… you’re just trippin’ bro,” you responded, obviously making excuses as you started to remember what he was talking about. 

“Sure, bro . . . I’m just trippin’,” Anton answered while lying down on his bed. 

You just rolled your eyes as a response.

You picked up the towel from the basin and gently placed it on Anton’s forehead. Then you checked his temperature—the thermometer beeped, and relief washed over you as the reading settled at 37 degrees. 

With one hand stroking Anton’s hair, you glanced at the thermometer before setting it down on his nightstand.

Anton reached out and held your hand, his grip light but steady.

“Can you stay a little longer?” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

You just hummed softly and smiled.

-end-

tysm for reading 🩷 i hope u enjoyed it ! anddd my ask is open for requests <3 !!

[novashelby]

Sorry to be Blunt-John Shelby x Reader Smut

Pairing: John Shelby x Reader Warnings: Anal...just anal. John is licking booty hole while being an absolute king of a lover. Some spanking, biting, kissing, and clit loving. Dirty talk cause John has a sexy mouth. Word Count: 1,835 words of loving your ass Summary: John didn't want the tea, he wanted her...Well, her ass.

Please comment and reblog! Thank you for your support. I wrote this cause no one ever writes anal, and man, that is depressing.

John had discreetly locked the door behind them when they initially walked in for tea. The chemist’s daughter was supposed to be working the counter until kind John Shelby played sweet, innocent, and genuine. He’d been going to the same pharmacy for his children’s cough syrup for years, seeing her each time; shy, sweet, helpful. Oh, how helpful she was going to be now that he had her bent over the small kitchenette table of the staff room…. Every time he’d see her, all he’d think about was his hands full of her ass; pinching and grabbing, digging his hands into her soft flesh. “Never expected you to be this easy, love.” John chuckled in her ear as he slowly, tauntingly rolled up her dress skirts. “Not a bit of fight in you, huh?” The poor girl shivered as the cool air in the room hit her skin. John pushed up her garments until they rested upper back.

They were just having tea a few minutes prior, she thought, questioning her own actions as she offered herself. She did all that he asked…the tea was perfect, to his liking and she was sure of that. That is why she was so confused when John Shelby simply looked in the cup, studied it and decided it wasn’t what he wanted. “What? Is something wrong?” is what she asked him when he lazily brushed it off to the side and leaned back in the chair, eying her with his hands folded. 

Grinning, he nodded to her. “May I be blunt?”

And not expecting what he’d say next, she agreed. “Bluntness is nice. Is the tea not to your liking? I can make a new-”

“Please.” John casually grinned and said as if it was no issue. “I don’t want tea, really, I don’t. And I apologize for the effort you went through to make it.” With his hand, he motioned over her body. “Truthfully, I am a single man with four children and a busy job-”

“I’m sorry for that?”

John put his hand up. “Please. Anyway, whores are shite these days and I come in here a lot. I see you.” She knew he had enjoyment seeing the embarrassment on her face; the way the balls of her cheeks turned a rosy red. “I like what I see. You bending over, your arse outlined perfectly in your skirts as you restock the bottom shelves-personally, I think about it often-”

“Excuse me!”

“And because I am a Shelby, I have the right to say the most vulgar shite,” he added, standing. “I want to lick your arsehole….” 

She couldn’t recall what he said or did next, but she did understand that she was bent well over the table, gripping for her dear life; anticipating and waiting for his hands to tease all over her body. John stepped back, admiring her body. There was something so incredibly beautiful and erotic about her bare back; how the curves outline from the other side and the way her ass looked decorated in those pretty lace underwear. How he never expected her to be so experimental with her undergarments, but he was in no position to question that. Mesmerized, John took a step forward, his fingers dancing shapes over her back. A little smile tugged upon his lips as goosebumps shivered over her bare skin. She let out a long sigh as he tickled his fingers down her back and hooked around her panties. As he pulled them down, he kneeled, taking in her beautiful curves. “You’re beautiful,” he whispered.

A tiny murmur slipped from her lips as he continued to tease her with his feather-like touches, knowing damn well the tingles they were sending up her spine. They felt like zaps and jolts prodding at her delicate frame, allowing her head to buzz. John saw from the way her calves tightened, she felt so…heightened by everything. He watched closely as he drew with his fingers. “Bet your ass is pure,” he whispered. With both hands, he grabbed her perfect ass, one cheek in each hand; curling his fingers into her skin and watching her whimper out. Chuckling, he pulled at her ass before letting go. “Most men are too pussy. Me? Hmmm….I love a nice ass like yours.” He grinned, moving his hand back and landing a rather generous spank. Not to hurt her, but just enough to watch it jiggle. “Fuck….”

She cried out loud, arching her back. “Mr. Shelby!”

“Good girl, remembering her manners,” he complimented, landing a spank on her other ass cheek. When she tried to yelp and climb over the table in reaction, he whispered, “no, no, no, come back.” He hugged an arm around her waist and brought her back down, resting his face against the small of her back. “Okay, okay. We don’t have to do that no more, love.” He placed a small kiss against the small of her back lingering there. Kneeling before her, he gently spread her legs.

His lips felt cold against her most sensitive flesh. He kissed a trail down one cheek, each kiss got longer until he surprised her, taking her flesh between his teeth and pulling. “A-ah!” she stuttered out, trying to find something to grasp. He let go and landed a kiss on the burning patch of teeth marks. She managed to give him a look over her shoulders. “Mr. Shelby-”

“Mmmhm,” he said, half listening, turning his attention to the other cheek. That time kissing from the bottom up. By the third kiss, he licked up and gave a little nibble before placing the last kiss. She didn’t know what she wanted to say and therefore, closed her eyes and paid attention to all his little touches. He spread her open and smiled. “Virgin little ass. I bet you are so tight,” he said in thought. He moved a finger in, just lightly touching her in circles. 

“Never,” she whispered, unintentionally clenching in nerves.

“My favorite thing…stretching a tight ass,” he chuckled, watching her get worked up. “No, no, calm down.” He pressed down on her back to relax her. “Not today, or ever, if you don’t want to…I mean, I’d like to. Like to stretch this ass. I bet it’d feel so good wrapped around me.” John leaned over her, a ball of spit forming at his lips. It dropped over her hole and he rubbed it in, dipping his finger in just until the first knuckle.

“Mmmm,” she whined out in a muffle, tightening harder around him. It didn’t hurt so much as it felt different. 

“I know, I know,” he cooed, wiggling his finger a little. “I just need a tiny gape….A tiny, tiny gape.” John spit on her again, pushing his finger in to the second knuckle. Keeping it there, he allowed her to get used to the feeling. When she slowly eased, he rotated in very small, soft circles. “You take my fingers so well.” She hated to admit it felt weird but the good weird. Especially when he pressed on the side of her vagina. John could tell she was warming up from the way she attempted to grind herself against the table. And how she tried to be so discrete in hiding her little moans of pleasure. “You don’t have to feel ashamed about liking something,” he said. “It’s okay. Just enjoy yourself, hm?” He twisted his finger in and out until it moved with ease, and she was no longer pulling him in. When he let his finger slip out, there was a perfect gaping hole. Not big, but tiny and what he’d consider cute. 

John moved in real close, his warm breath tickling her. Poking his tongue out, he swiped up and just over her hole. Gasps and grunts of pleasure filled his ears over the simple motion of him dragging his tongue around until landing a kiss right over it. Her hand instinctively went to touch her clit, but John was quick to push it away and do the work. His forefinger and middle rubbed soft, but effective circles, allowing her to grind down on them. From how good she sounded, he imagined her face; eyes rolled back, mouth open. The sounds that came from her innocent mouth were so feral. It was so pathetic for her to admit that she’d never felt this good despite fucking before. John Shelby knew where to touch, what to do, what to say…. Her lower half was trembling, fighting to keep her posture. 

“Good girl,” he whispered, flicking his tongue in circles around the hole. It was a beautiful pattern, really. He’d circle it with his tongue a good few times; soft, easy, gently. Enjoying his fingers teasing her swollen clit as it clearly pulsed with the need to feel the edge. The poor girl was leaving a mess on the table. Had she even understood the gift she held? To drip so beautifully just by simple touches. 

“P-please,” she gasped, feeling an orgasm approach as she lost the ability to hold in what was then dripping down the table and on the floor. Only her, she had once thought, could allow herself to feel this good. How was she to go back to normal after this? See him on the street or in the shop, and not expect this…. How was this only to be an exception and not all the bloody fucking time. “I’m going to-fuck!” Her eyes rolled back as he took that as an initiative to rub her faster. 

But the pattern. Fucking hell, the pattern was artwork. The way he’d licking over in circles, flicking his tongue all around. That was the part he teased her with the most, knowing so well she anticipated more. Then finally, he’d dip his tongue in the furthest he could, twisting it around. Oh, how she tried to clench it, to keep it in like a cock, afraid he was going somewhere. But he was kind, keeping it there a little longer each time. He ended it with a kiss, moaning against her before starting it all over again. 

She felt her core shake as her body could hardly contain itself. Better than she could ever give herself, an orgasm ripped through her body. Not in slightest worried, she cried out a moan that surely others could hear. But he deserved that because of how good she felt. She rode it out, grinding her body simultaneously against his tongue and fingers, the last of her squirt dripping from her. “Fucking ‘ell,” she panted, collapsing against the table, trying to catch breath. 

He grinned arrogantly to himself before getting up and walking around the table. He crouched down and gently grabbed her face, smiling. “C’mere,” he said, giving her a soft kiss before standing. His hand tapped her cheek. “Thank you for that. I’ll grab the medicine on the way out…Shelby tab.” On the way out, he placed a gentle slap to her ass. “Have a good day, eh?”

[talaok]

Just this once

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!babysitter!reader

Summary: Everyone hates you in town, everyone except for Mr. Miller, who was kind enough to hire you as his daughter's babysitter.

Warnings: mentally and verbally abusive father, angst, unreciprocated love, no happy ending. Smut| oral sex (m receiving), unprotected p in v sex, creampie

Everyone hated you in this town.

Kids at school, moms, dads, even grandparents sometimes.

People crossed the street when they saw you, they waited until you turned around to whisper and scorn to the person beside them.

Everywhere you went, followed dirty looks and rude remarks.

In the hallways at school, at the drug store, pharmacy, park, you name it.

Everywhere, everyone seemed to despise old Carl's daughter just for being born, or maybe, maybe also because of the rumors that spread about her.

Like the one where you dealt drugs, which was not not the truth... but you never dealt meth.

Or the one where you'd fucked half the guys in town,

And least but not last, the one where you were the reason you poor pops had turned to alcohol.

Except they didn't know anything. they didn't know that your "poor pops" had begun his diet of a bottle of whiskey a day long before you were born, that he drove your mom mad to the point where she had fled without so much as a goodbye, leaving behind a few clothes and a stupid scrap of paper where she had written a fucking lie.

I love you

If she had actually loved you, she wouldn't have left.

And they didn't know that all the anger your father had, had turned to you, they didn't know how scary it was, to be afraid of your own father, to be alone at the age of thirteen, to have to take care of yourself, to have to grow up faster than you should.

They all hated you, and you didn't care, you swore you didn't care, because they didn't know, they didn't know shit.

But Mr. Miller was different.

He was the only person, together with his daughter, who had ever shown you kindness, the real kind.

He had seen you sobbing as you ran from your house after your dad had another one of his "episodes".

And god, you were so confused when he stopped you, when he put a hand on your shoulder and asked if everything was alright.

And you didn't tell him then, you didn't tell him everything that was going on and that your dad was an asshole and that your life was hell, you couldn't, there was always this everlasting shame fizzing underneath your skin whenever you felt the need to share. But he hadn't cared, he hadn't cared that you had told him nothing, he hadn't cared that all you did was say sorry and I need to go, because with just a glance it felt like he had seen right through you.

So then he'd told you where he lived, and even if that time he couldn't convince you to come in, it was you who showed up at his doorsteps two nights after, asking for a place to sleep which he offered without so much as a question.

And it was only a week later when you told him everything.

He had sat and listened as you cried and cried, he had stroked your hair and given you tissues, until finally, he offered you a job.

Babysitting his kid.

And you were scared at first, you weren't really equipped for the job, but the moment you met Sarah you realized just how easy it was gonna be.

taking care of her was fun, and it gave you an excuse to be away from your own home, sometimes even at night when the mere thought of seeing your father made you want to puke.

And Mr. Miller was always nice, he made breakfast, overpaid you like crazy, and he listened, he was always there to listen.

"dad, what are you talking about?" 

Mr. Miller's backyard was always perfectly mowed, and the treehouse he'd built his daughter stood high on the oak in the middle of it.

"I said-" even if you couldn't see him, you swore he was taking another gulp straight from the bottle " Where the fuck are you?" 

"I'm working dad, I told you" you said, trying to remain as calm as possible.

"You working?" he laughed "That's funny" he said, as his laugh turned into a disgusting cough "Tell me where you really are." his voice was slurry, but the anger in it still made you shiver "You at one of your boyfriends' houses?"

"No Dad, I'm at Mr. Miller's house" you sighed, it was sad really, how used you were to this by now.

"Mr. Miller huh?" a hiccup sounded through the phone "You fucking him too? You started going for older guys? Is that it? I bet that's it you little slut" he hissed "Your mother would be so disappointed... to see her only daughter grow up to be such a fucking whore"

There's a difference, when it's strangers calling you names, and when it's your own father.

You'd always wished his words didn't affect you, but somehow, they always found a way to hurt.

No matter how tough you made yourself to be, when it was him, you felt like a kid all over again.

"fuck you" you muttered, as tears pricked your eyes 

"Is that how you talk to your father you little bitch? Just wait till you come home, I'll see what you'll have to say then-"

And there were so many things you wanted to tell him, to scream at him, to drill into his non-existing brain, but all you did was press the red button and hung up.

And it took about a second before the tears started flowing like rivers.

You ran back inside the house, forgetting all about closing the glass door as you curled into a ball on the couch, trying to cry as silently as you could, so that Sarah wouldn't wake up.

You hated him. You hated everything, you just wanted to run away and start a new life somewhere else, Canada, Austria, even the fucking north pole sounded better than this.

You were just so tired, so exhausted. Every time you talked to your father all the energy you had, or thought you had left, got drained from your body, and for hours, you remained lifeless,

The only exception was when-

The front door opened, and those purposely quiet footsteps that you would have recognized anywhere, followed soon after.

Him, the only exception was when he was there to comfort you.

You sat up, quickly wiping your tears to try and look somewhat presentable.

"hey," he whispered, entering the living room "Sarah's asleep?"

"mh-mh, yes" you nodded

"I'm sorry I came home this late, it's just that the guys wanted to go out after work and I always tell them no..." he trailed off, as he sat next to you and got rid of his overused boots.

"I-It's not a problem, Mr. Miller"

He shook his head, smiling in that charming way of his as he sat his shoes next to the coffee table and turned to look at you.

"How many times have I told you that you can just call me J-"

But his words died in his throat the moment he caught a glimpse of your red, puffy eyes, (that he'd come to know too well) and of that look on your face.

"What happened?"

They were such simple words, but they hit like tnt too close to a dam, breaking the barrier and causing all the water to run out.

His arms were around you the moment the first tear fell.

"shh" he cooed, stroking your back as you sobbed into his chest "It's alright, everythin's alright, sweetheart"

You wrapped your arms around his broad torso, feeling all his muscles underneath the fabric as you drowned in his scent. He always smelt so manly and so... good.

"I-I'm sorry it's just" A sob climbed up your throat "He-he called and I-I" You never finished the sentence as other tears started flowing from your eyes.

"I'm sorry honey" he cooed, placing his cheek on top of your head"it's ok" he murmured "It's all gonna be fine, I promise"

"w-when?" you cried, finally looking up at him "I'm so tired of this Mr. Miller..."

"soon" he promised "You're a smart girl, you'll get far in life sweetheart, I just know it"

you breathed heavily into his chest for a few minutes, listening to his heart beat as you calmed your own.

"t-thank you" you sniffled

"of course, darlin'"

And as you glanced at him, at his soft beard, at his kind eyes, your brain short-circuited and your mouth got a mind of its own, and before you realized it, your lips were on his.

And god he felt so good

"y/n-" he spoke as you tried to deepen the kiss "What are you doing?"

"I just-" you stuttered, not able to tear your glaze off his soft lips "please" you murmured, not knowing what else to say as you leaned up to kiss him again,

"sweetheart this ain't right I-"

"please Mr. Miller" you begged, placing your hand on his shoulder and pecs, as you left a quick kiss on his lips again "please just this once"

"y/n..." he tried to speak but was interrupted by your mouth finding his neck.

"please" you repeated for the thousandth time, your breath fanning over his neck "just this one time" 

"darlin'... I don't know if this is a good idea"

"it is" you quickly corrected him, your kisses lowering down his body, until all you could do was shuffle off the couch to get between his parted legs "it's a really good idea"

You saw him swallow thickly at the sight before him

"no sweetheart, you don't gotta do that"

"I want to" you reassured him, hurriedly undoing his belt and zipper until his black boxers were all that obstructed your view.

You palmed his manhood through the fabric, feeling it harden underneath your palm, before you gently took it out, looking up at him for approval as you wrapped one hand around it and let your lips follow suit.

A loud shuddering breath fled his mouth as you fitted more and more of him into your mouth, and you took it as an incentive to get lower, fully choking on his cock.

"f-fuck" he groaned

You started bobbing your head up and down, your eyes never leaving the sight of him breathing heavily before you.

You were doing good, but you wanted to do amazing for Mr. Miller, so you gingerly took his cock out of your mouth to start a slow trail of kisses and kitty lips down the whole length of him, until you reached his balls, and without a second thought, reserved them of the same treatment, before starting to suck on those too.

"fuck. me." he breathed, throwing his head back as he shut his eyes.

You leaned away for a moment, still pumping him with your hand "Does it feel good?" you asked

"fuck-yeah sweetheart" he gulped, looking down at you "it feels real fucking good- you're-fuck-you're amazing"

The biggest smile ever spread on your face at that, and with a renewed vigor, you got back to sucking his balls even better.

series of profanities continued coming out of his mouth as you got back to his dick, letting your tongue run on his tip for a few moments before getting back to filling your mouth with it.

You watched his hands curl by his sides, and without thinking, you let one of your own travel to his, softly placing your palm over it in a makeshift hold, which wasn't really a hold because he didn't turn his hand to do it properly.

But it didn't matter now, he was enjoying this, something you were doing for him, something you had dreamed of doing to him times and times again, and that's all you cared about.

You bobbed your head for a few more moments before you leaned away and quickly got up to get rid of your pants.

He watched you, too fucked out and torn with guilt and confusion to understand anything anymore, step out of your panties, place your hands on his shoulders, and straddle him.

you reached down for his dick, and without too much of a premise, sank down on it.

"oh god" you moaned, stopping a moment to take a deep breath at the feeling, as a low groan rumbled in his chest.

"you feel so good" you murmured, kissing him passionately as you started riding him.

His hands gripped your waist as a way for him to try and ground himself back on this earth because fuck but, you felt fucking good too

"touch my tits please" you said, ghosting his mouth.

"Sweetheart..."

"Please, Mr. Miller" you pouted, rising and sinking from his cock even faster

"Joel- please call me Joel" 

"Please Joel, touch my tits"

And who was he to say no to you when you asked him like that?

One of his big strong hands seeped underneath your top and found your boobs, stroking and grabbing at them heavenly.

You couldn't help but gasp at the mix of pleasures, your head falling to the crook of his neck.

The sound bouncing off the walls of the living room was straight out dirty and the breeze coming from the open glass door on your left softly floated through the room, at times hitting your raw skin.

"oh my god" you whimpered, muffled by Joel's skin "o-oh my"

He was filling every inch of you, stretching you so fucking good it made you want to scream if it wasn't for Sarah sleeping just upstairs.

You lost yourself in him, in his soft grunts, in his most raw scent, in the way his beard rutted against your cheek, and slowly, slowly you felt a bubble form in your belly, getting more and more ready to explode.

"F-fuck" you whined, "I-I think I'm-I'm coming"

His only response was to tighten his hold on you, before you fastened your pace, desperately chasing your high.

your breathing got even heavier as you remerged from his neck to look at him in the eyes and meet his lips with yours once again.

Kissing his was like traveling to another universe, he was just so... perfect

 "Joel" you whispered, losing yourself in his hazel eyes, as the pleasure got stronger and stronger until you felt like you could barely breathe "Joel I love you"

You watched his eyes widen slightly but before he could speak your orgasm took over your body and you had to hide your head in the crook of his neck again to try not to moan too loud.

"it's ok" he murmured, placing a hand on the back of your head soothingly "It's all gonna be ok sweetheart"

You rode out your high, never stopping your movements, and by the time you had come down from it, Joel was on the verge of it.

"shit-I'm coming" he groaned "Where do you want it?"

 "inside" you whispered without missing a beat

"I c-can't honey-"

"please Joel" you whimpered, starting to get overstimulated "Please fill me up, Joel"

And with that simple sentence, he was done for.

"fuck-shit. shitshitshitshit" That's all he managed to spit out, as ropes of his come filled you up to the brim, just like you wanted.

You took a moment to compose yourself, inhaling his scent one more time, before you slowly got off of him.

And as you did, the moment it was all done, a strange sensation overtook you.

you'd thought that this was all you wanted, that this was gonna make you feel better, and yet... yet you couldn't help but feel like a piece of you was missing, you couldn't help but feel emptier than you were to begin with.

As you watched him hurry to put his boxers back on, you couldn't help but think that, once again, you had managed to fuck everything up.

[baby-alien11]

hii anon, accidentally posted it first without finish it (just had two lines) so here it goes again, I hope you like it

being pregnant with Ethan's baby

just like the last one, there's no ghostface in this

You and Ethan knew each other due to you being best friend with his sister Quinn

Thanks to that you use to spend a lot of time on the Bailey household

Even if you were there for Quinn, Ethan and you often shared some glances that ended up in the boy with his face red

Soon the glances between each other started to be more flirtatious

Quinn found that gross

When it was time to move to university, the three of you ended up in Balckmore University in New York

Wanting to be roomies, you and Quinn ended up sharing an appartment with the Carpenter sisters, while Ethan went to the dorms ended up being Chad's roomie, which was friend with the sisters

Things continued to be the usual between you and Ethan with the flirtatious glances and some casual touches

Certainly, everyone in the group noticed the sparks between Ethan and you, but Chad was the most annoyed by that

"Dude, you have to move real quick before she finds someone", Chad exclaimed while walking around campus

"She is my sister's best friend", Ethan responded, "Quinn will kill me if she find out I'm hitting on her best friend"

"You're overreacting"

"One time when we were eight years old I accidentally eat her popsicle, and you know what she did? She decapitaded almost all my action figures"

"That's scary, but you still have to try"

Still a little scared, Ethan decided to listen to Chad's advice

So he started to talk to you a little more, which made you happy because you kinda like him

Things continued like that, until the night of a themed frat party came

Of course the theme had to be only underwear

(A/N: the idea came from The Sex Lives of the College Girls, i love that series)

That night you decided to wear a baby blue lace lingerie set with a black robe on top

During the whole night, Ethan and you spend it together talking and sharing drinks, even kissing at some point

Due to being a little drunk, both of you decided to look for a little more intimate space, so without saying anything to the others, the two of you went upstairs finding an empty room

Of course, the inevitable happened, Ethan was no longer a virgin

The next weeks, everything went their normal way, but you and Ethan continue to see each other without Quinn's knowledge

Until you started to feel sick

At first, you thought it was for something you ate during a dinner with the whole friend group

But Quinn had another theory

"Quinn, what is this?", you asked after she threw a pharmacy bag in your bed

"I know for a fact that you aren't sick for the food of the past week", Quinn started, "And that you've been fucking with some mysterious guy for the last weeks, and that your period is late, this bag is full of pregnancy tests"

"Oh my God!", you exclaimed hiding your face on your hands, "Are you serious?"

"Totally", Quinn nodded, "And I won't leave you until you take all of the five test"

Sighing in defeat you took the paper bag to start walking to the shared bathroom, feeling a little nervous because the only person you had sex in the last weeks was Ethan

With Quinn following you, both of you entered the bathroom where after fifteen minutes, the results came

It was positive

"I'm pregnant", you murmured in disbelief

"You're pregnant", Quinn nodded, "Who is the father?"

"You are going to kill me"

"I won't, just tell me"

"Fine, is someone from our group"

"Well, Chad isn't because he's head over heels with Tara, and the other boy is...motherfucker"

In a second, Quinn bursted out of the bathroom in the direction of the living room where the group was, with you following close

"You are the worst brother ever!", Quinn exclaimed scaring everyone, mostly Ethan, "Not only you have been fucking my best friend for weeks, you've got her pregnant! I'm going to fucking kill you!"

After finishing that sentence, everything went silent in the appartment due to the shock of the sudden news, still shocked, Ethan turned to look at you with questioning in his eyes asking if it was real, at what you responded nodding with your head

After half an hour of Quinn chasing Ethan around the appartment with Sam and Chad trying to stop her, and you being consoled by Mindy, Anika and Tara, things calmed down

While the others tried to calm Quinn, you and Ethan locked in your room to talk about the situation, and after an hour of talking both of you decided to keep the baby

Telling the decision to the others was easy because of what happened earlier, Quinn, who was a little upset for all the revelations simply went to lock herself in her room, which made you a little sad because she was your best friend

That same weekend, you and Ethan went to tell his dad the news, arriving at the police station where he worked, both of you waited for a while until Wayne let you go to his office

"So, what do you bring two you here?", Wayne asked organizing some papers, "It's weird not seeing Quinn with you"

"She's kinda mad at us right now", you responded a little nervous

"Don't tell me you are dating?", Wayne asked with enthusiasm, "She shouldn't be mad at that, this is good"

"There's actually more than that", Ethan spoke slightly trembling, "Y/N is pregnant"

Hearing that sentence, Wayne sighed sitting in his chair and covering his face with his hands

"What are you going to do with the baby?", Wayne asked after a few seconds

"We decided to keep it", you answered

"In that case, Ethan you'll start working here with me on the weekends to have money when the baby comes, I'll talk to Quinn later about her attitude, have you told your parents about this?"

"Not yet", you sighed

"You have to do it soon", Wayne said

Because of your parents spend time traveling now that you were in college, the only way to contact them was by a videocall, telling them the news about the pregancy weren't good for them, their response to that, was telling you that they were dissapointed with you and that they didn't wanted to see you again, leaving you with a week to take your things out of their house

After finishing that call, you cried all the afternoon while being held by Ethan in your room

That same weekend, you along with Ethan, Tara, Chad and Mindy went to your house were you packed almost all of your things (and slightly influenced by Tara, you took some of the money your parents kept in their safe box)

One thing that happened during the next week, was that Quinn appeared in your room

"Hi", Quinn greeted standing in your doorway

"Hey", you responded folding some clothes while sitting in your bed

"I heard about your parents, I'm sorry"

"Yeah, they were shitty sometimes, but at least I took some of their money when I went to take my things"

"That was badass", Quinn smiled entering to your room taking a sit in your desk chair, "And I want to say sorry about my reaction when I knew about the pregnancy and your relationship with my brother, it was wrong for me to ignore you for days, like we are best friends and this is such an important moment in your life, and I acted like a bitch, I'm really fucking sorry and I hope you can forgive me for that"

"I agree, you acted like a total bitch, but your reaction was understandable, we should've tell you the moment we started", you said

"So, now that we make things up, can I ask when this whole thing started?"

"Remember that only underwear party, the one you didn't attend because you had a date with the guy from political sciences?"

"He was from law, but yes, I suggested you to wear that cute blue set", Quinn nodded but then she closed her in eyes, "Did you two fuck in that party?"

"Yes", you answered fearing for her reaction

"If you excuse me, I'm going to puck", Quinn said standing up to walk to the door

Now that things were good with your best friend, you were more calmed

While Ethan started to work at the police station with his dad on the weekends, you decided to work from home using some of your graphic design knowledge for some small bussiness

When the second thrimester started, everyone slowly started to bring small things for the baby

Ethan also started to live in the appartment with you so that way he could be with you and the baby

Chad was sad for his roomie leaving

Morning sickness and the vomit were the worst symptomes of all, which leave you sleepy during part of the day

And since you couldn't drink coffee, you started to drink iced chai tea with caramel

So, everyday before college, you and Ethan would go to the college cafeteria for drinks and snacks

And if he couldn't, someone from the group would go with you, even sometimes all the group would go

When the time to know the gender of the baby came, you and Ethan entered the consultory, while Wayne and Quinn waited outside

It was a boy

From the moment everyone knew the gender of the baby, things were started to be bought for the moment the baby came

Quinn was the most excited of all for having a nephew to spoil, and soon that excitement was extended to everyone

Soon, the room that was only yours at first, then shared with Ethan, it was now filled with baby stuff

Also, some parts of the apartment were filled, like the kitchen with the formula and the baby bottles, the living room with some baby entertainment stuff, etc

While sleeping you used a special pregnancy pillow for your comfort, Ethan liked to sleep with his head next to your growing belly and circle your waist while one of your hands were tangled in his curly hair

Entering the third thrimester, things started to be a little chaotic because of the stress of the soon arriving

Most of all, making the apartment baby proof, even if it was to be a new born

Little by little the rest of the group started to move to the apartment, first was Chad with the excuse that he missed his roomie, and then it was Mindy and Anika saying that they wanted to be there in case of a sudden birth

Towards the last two months, Wayne started to spend part of his time in the apartment because he knew the baby will be born soon

At first the friend group was a little scared to have a police detective in their apartment, but after he started to tell embarrasing stories about Quinn and Ethan childhood, everyone was more relaxed

Except them

Honestly, you were relaxed, even if the due date was arriving soon, that's why during the spring break, instead of going to a travel like most of the students would do, the whole group organized a small lunch in the apartment like a late baby shower

"I miss eating sushi", you commented sitting at the table

"Just three more weeks", Mindy said, "After the baby is here you can eat all the sushi you want"

"That sounds beautiful", you exclaimed

"We'll have a sushi marathon", Quinn spoke

"So, my grandchild is arriving soon", Wayne said, "Have you chosen a name?"

"Not yet", Ethan mumbled

That answer left everyone shocked because the baby was arriving in less than a month

"You're kidding", Tara stated

"Actually not", you laughed nervously, "I mean, we've thought of some names, but we haven't decided"

"Dude, the baby is about to come out of you any time now, and you don't have a name yet?", Mindy exclaimed

That small chat sparkled a small discussion between everyone about the lack of the baby's name that lasted for a few minutes until you felt some pain in your belly, causing everyone to stop arguing to look at you

"What's wrong? Are you alright?", Ethan asked with urgency

"I think this are the contractions that the doctor mentioned in the last appointment", you responded taking strongly his arm

Hearing that sentence, caused a comotion in the appartment in which everyone started to panic for a little bit, until Wayne decided to go down and prepare the police car to go to the hospital, while you were coming down to the first floor with Ethan and Chad help, with Quinn behind carring the bag for you and for the baby

Once that you, Ethan and Quinn were in the car, Wayne started the road to the hospital

Thanks to be in a police car with the light and sound on, you were on the hospital in a record time, so they quickly put you in a hospital room to prepare you

During the next hours, you spend it having contractions, sleeping, eating and distracting yourself thanks to the rest of the group who arrived an hour after you

The next day, early in the morning, you started with the labour with Ethan and Quinn by your side while the others stayed outside waiting

For the next two hours, the only things that could be heard were your screams and the instructions from the nurses

"I can see the head", your main doctor exclaimed, "Keep pushing, Y/N, you're doing amazing"

Feeling a little curious, Ethan aproached the space between your legs to see what the doctor said, passing out the moment he saw the scene

"Did he just pass out?", Quinn asked in shock

"Fucking idiot", you murmured watching how some nurses dragged him to a corner

Fortunately, he was awake in a few minutes, but he didn't dare to look at that again

By eleven o'clock, your baby boy was born, and hearing his small cries made you and Ethan cry in happiness, while Quinn just hugged you and messed up with her brothers hair

After they cleaned him, they put him in your chest, noticing some curls in his head

Seeing your baby boy finally in your arms, Ethan and you looked at each other deciding what of the many names that both of you discussed will be, Anthony Bailey

[chondrichthyes-x-mantodea]

Personal views on adoption as a pro-adoption radfem (this one's a bit controversial)

I've just run into some radfem posts that voice disagreement with adoption. I have stated my support of adoption, so I figured I should make a post about my actual views in contrast to the views of those who are anti-adoption.

Let me start by saying the system is HEAVILY flawed. Kids are torn from families who do not have the means to meet legal standards for parental care. However... does that mean all adoption is a result of this happening? Let me share a story.

When I was hospitalized for mental distress, I met a young girl who was being adopted. She was 12-13 if I remember correctly. I dont want to say exactly what that poor girl had been through, but she NEEDED this. Her parents were unfit to care for her. In fact, she stated many times that for her age, it was rare to be adopted.

I would consider her adoption a necessary event. There are many other cases of this aswell, and they primarily affect young GIRLS. I knew a little girl who was adopted from China after being abandoned for her sex and a deformity. She got the basic medical care she needed because she was adopted into a family that saw past genetics.

So, while the adoption system can absolutely abuse families in unfortunate circumstances, is this a sign we need to abolish it or a sign we need to fix it?

And if you want to talk about exploitative, would you rather the system that allows unfortunate children the opportunity of family in a culture that already stigmatizes adopted children, or women go through the medical field in terms of fertility treatments and pregnancy?

I was a product of IVF. My disdain for this "treatment" knows no bounds. My conception was shrouded in difficulty. Difficulty that (surprise!) was blamed on the woman, not the man. Blamed on the younger, healthier woman who had already concieved a child rather than the overweight, 31 year old man missing sex organs. The woman was pumped with hormones to force ovulation to the point of ovarian cysts while the man just came in a cup, no questions asked. No hormones were given. No times he had to be on a table, legs spread while a male doctor treated him as a woman's breeder. By the way, those ovarian cysts were also ignored. And how were they fixed? More hormones. The female body to the medical system is like an electronic a male takes into the repair store. Turn her on and off, twist her screws, until she works for him. Even 20 years later, this guy can't even recall what his wife went through in order to have a child with him. The other day, we went past the pharmacy she had to get supplements from... he did not know what she meant by "I used to go there."

Would you rather women go through pregnancy in which they are an afterthought? Would you rather women continue to surrender themselves to the slaughterhouse we call "family planning", especially in a culture that insists on it. Which brings me to my next point.

Culture. If you think adoption has been normalized in our society, you haven't really looked around. The times I've heard infertile people (mostly women) whine and sob about how they can't be parents, and then outright refuse to consider adoption is insane. The amount they ADMIT that they don't think adopted kids are real kids is insane. Again, it's mostly women who argue this. They say that the love of a child they didn't carry isnt the same... as if carrying a child is some fun game. It is a result of the patriarchy enforcing an unrealistic view of female processes. It's almost fetishized. We view the process as a woman's pain for a mans entertainment. That is why it's so essential in our everyday lives. People are OBSESSED with the idea of a woman toiling for a mans comfort. In this case, his comfort is watching her gestate his fetus. That's also why women are told to put on a persona. Walk around with a fetus stealing your nutrients, parade your body around as a mans trophy, and lovingly cast eyes upon your stomach while posing like a fucking show horse. The heterosexual dynamic DEMANDS this. All of this, to me, tells me you shouldn't have kids. If a child needs to stem from your weird patriarchy fetish and obsession with genes, you shouldn't have kids at all. They're more of an asset than anything. I feel like this is the case for most purposeful conception in fact.

Finally, we have the treatment of "birth mothers." To preface, I am absolutely against women having children they WANT taken away from them. However, I think it's again important to look at the socialization of women and how our lack of mentioning men proves my point. Fitting in right with my part on social attitude, we see pregnancy and childbirth as an undeniable swelling of emotions. This is not the case for everyone. The goal of childbirth is to make it out alive, not to be rewarded a screaming red infant. Some parents want their child, and some don't. That is just how it goes, and we see this in the animal kingdom as well. Many social animals will adopt rejected infants and/or eggs. Humans are the ones who make this controversial. In the case of surrogacy and adoption, I always see people complain about the poor, instinct-infested woman. The issue is abusing the wants and needs of women, not daring to threaten the sanctity of new motherhood (another very specific fascination in our collective society). If this was about the emotions of said people, why don't we include the father? It's simple: women are made to feel guilty about adoption and delude themselves into performing an ultimate show of motherly love. Women are taught to romanticize the idea of being pregnant and unconditionally loving a fetus as soon as it's concieved. Men aren't.

Now again, I'm not saying that parents can not love their children at birth, nor am I advocating for children being forcefully taken. I'm more questioning the view of female intention within that love and the trend of singling out a woman. My point does have merit. Why do we act the way we do? Why do we see things the way we see? But every time I call out this type of behavior and question it, I'm treated as if I'm stomping on the pure joy of a tearful mother... whatever, I guess.

Even my mother, who went through IVF to have me with a man who pretends to worship her, said that she did not feel the same love she feels now. She thought she would when she went through treatment, she fell for the trap. We emphasize motherly love in such an inhuman way. It's not a genuine bond. I guess that's why I've always envied men. They stand on the side and seem to love children as a human connected to another human, undefined by unrealistic myths on their brain chemistry. Motherly love to me has to be theatrical and cheesy, based on my pain and suffering, not my human ability to form connection. Fathers get to HAVE children while I AM a mother.

So again, while adoption can be exploitative, you should also consider the other oppressing forces in our current lives. The issue isn't adoption. It's the attitude and people in charge of it. It's the conditioning of women to hurt themselves for giving up a child. Its the women being told lies about a process and viewing it as purely the making of another being, not their welfare. If this isn't an issue for men, maybe consider it's the fact we shove baby dolls in young girls' arms as soon as they themselves are born. Genuinely wanting a child is completely different from being told you should want it your whole life.

[fuckyeahmarxismleninism]

Washington Post: The trans Americans turning to guns for protection

Rodriguez explained why she thought trans people were taking up arms. “A lot of trans people kind of share the sentiment of death before detransition,” she said. “If our hormones are taken away, we’d rather just kill ourselves. So, we’re not going out without a fight.” --------------------------

Gift article link

Full text of paywalled article follows:

The trans Americans turning to guns for protection

“Trans people have every reason to be afraid,” said one trans woman who went out and bought a gun after President Trump was elected.

By Hallie Lieberman BELLINGHAM, Wash.

February 25, 2025

Until recently, May Alejandro Rodriguez was a big supporter of gun control.

A 21-year-old Mexican American trans woman who is a student at Western Washington University, she was interested in producing music and snapping photos of her friends on Fuji 400 film.

But Rodriguez, who voted for Kamala Harris, changed her view on guns when Donald Trump was reelected. She had heard the stories from her trans friends in red states: being forced to use bathrooms that didn’t match their gender identities; having gender markers switched on their drivers’ licenses. She saw kids losing access to hormones and feared adults would be next. She thought back to the trans high-schooler who was killed in her hometown and the trans teen who was attacked in Bellingham last year.

“Trans people have every reason to be afraid because we are being attacked,” Rodriguez said. “Every single day, another right is lost.”

She believed Republicans were playing on fear to stoke transphobia, so she thought trans people should play the game back. “They’re going to fear us no matter what,” she said. “So let the fear come from a place of reality.”

And so when she turned 21 in November, Rodriguez bought her first gun, a Rock Island Armory model M206 revolver.

After the 10-day waiting period, she picked up the weapon and filled out a required form asking whether she was Latino.

“They’re making a database of Mexicans owning guns,” she said jokingly to the White male gun clerk.

“I think it’s racist and a shame,” she recalled him saying. She was surprised by his sympathy.

Rodriguez posted videos of herself shooting on social media. Her Reddit post got 1,500 upvotes. “A lot of people messaged me and they’re like, ‘Oh my God, it’s so cool to see you have a gun. I think I want to get one,’” Rodriguez said.

When Rodriguez recognized she was trans at 14, she handled things herself. Believing her Mormon mother wouldn’t be accepting, Rodriguez bought hormones from a Mexican pharmacy both online and in person. She came out in her junior year of high school. Her mom still hasn’t acknowledged that she is trans.

Rodriguez explained why she thought trans people were taking up arms. “A lot of trans people kind of share the sentiment of death before detransition,” she said. “If our hormones are taken away, we’d rather just kill ourselves. So, we’re not going out without a fight.”

The Washington Post spoke to a dozen trans people for this article. Many of them spoke on the condition of anonymity — or insisted that only their first name be used — for safety reasons. All said they were arming and educating themselves about guns because they were scared of what Trump’s presidency will bring. “Kamala is for they/them. President Trump is for you,” one election ad famously intoned.

Hate crimes against trans and gender nonconforming people had already increased 16 percent in 2023, according to a Human Rights Campaign report based on FBI data. At least 32 trans people were killed in the United States in 2024. One in four trans people reported being physically attacked because of their gender identity, according to a 2022 survey by The Washington Post and KFF. An analysis of Bureau of Justice data from 2017 to 2018 in the American Journal of Public Health found that trans Americans are four times as likely to be the victims of violence than cisgender people. Three-quarters of trans victims of fatal gun violence are Black and Latina trans women, noted a 2024 report by Everytown, a gun-control organization.

Hundreds of trans men and women rally outside the Supreme Court on Dec. 4. (Marvin Joseph/The Washington Post) In the first few days after Trump took office, he rescinded the order allowing transgender people to serve openly in the military, signed an executive order declaring that gender is binary and declared that trans female prisoners housed in federal women’s prisons must be moved to male prisons. He also moved to end federal support for gender transition care for people under age 19, as well as to ban transgender athletes from competing on girls’ and women’s sports teams.

“People respond to situations of threat or uncertainty by seeking security. And one of the things that people associate with security in the United States is firearms,” said David Yamane, a sociology professor at Wake Forest University who studies American gun culture.

“Anecdotal accounts suggest [an increase in trans gun buyers] is absolutely happening,” Yamane added.

At least 2,500 people have joined the subreddit r/transguns since the election, according to the subreddit’s moderator. National LGBTQ gun groups Operation Blazing Sword and Pink Pistols told The Post that they have seen an uptick in interest in membership, which includes classes. Clara Smith-Elliott, the founder of Arm Trans Women (ATW), an organization that teaches gun-safety courses in Connecticut and Virginia, said her courses have started selling out.

Smith-Elliott thinks an increase in anti-trans laws may be driving interest in her courses. “People who already don’t like trans people … are seeing [anti-trans laws] as tantamount permission to act out against our community,” she said.

“People literally come to me in tears because they’re so scared of what’s going on. They don’t want to have to learn how to use a firearm, but they recognize the need.” Some of those signing up, Smith-Elliott said, are mothers of trans children.

“With personal protection being the top motivating factor, an increasing number of Americans are choosing to exercise their right to self-defense, as evidenced by the recent explosion of new gun owners from all demographics,” the NRA said in response to whether it had seen a rise in trans gun ownership.

Trans gun owners are part of a larger American tradition of minorities purchasing guns for safety, Yamane said, citing the Black Panthers in the 1960s and women seeking self-defense options in the 1970s and 1980s.

“What’s happening today among trans people is in the tradition of people demanding their rights and saying that they’re willing to defend those rights with force if necessary,” Yamane said.

Some gun purchases may be driven by the fear that being transgender may be classified as a mental illness, which could prevent gun ownership in states like Colorado that have “red flag laws.” (New guidance from the Department of Health and Human Services asserts a person’s sex is “unchangeable.”)

A queer Colorado firearm instructor named Drew said he visited a gun range a few years ago and a poster about red-flag laws was pinned on the wall next to one about rights for trans people. “The general implication was, if you were queer, you were mentally ill enough to not own firearms,” said Drew, who spoke on the condition that only his first name be used.

Before Rodriguez bought a gun, she asked her friends for a reality check. Before the election, they would have told her not to buy one, she said: “This time around, no one told me I was crazy.”

Rodriguez is sitting on the gray sectional in her third-floor apartment, pink-lensed prescription glasses perched on her nose, her lips painted a Taylor Swift-style red.

She points her revolver at an “Eyes Wide Shut” poster propped up against the wall.

“So, if you want to shoot Tom Cruise over there, you really want to line it up,” she said to the group of women gathered around her.

Watching the demonstration were Max, 25, and Luci, 19, trans friends Rodriguez knows from college, as well as June, 23, a cisgender barista in a leather jacket. (The trio spoke on the condition that only their first names be used out of concern for their safety.)

June, who has been living on her own since she was excommunicated from Jehovah’s Witnesses as a teenager for being a lesbian, said she was “pretty fearful of guns growing up.” But now, she said she has “realized I’d feel a lot less scared if I could shoot and if I was able to not only protect myself, but my friends and family.”

Rodriguez went over gun-safety rules that she’d scrawled on a small whiteboard above a sketch of Kirby, the video game character, toting a gun.

“Treat all guns as if they’re always loaded,” she said. “Never point at anything you’re not willing to destroy. Finger off the trigger until you’re ready to shoot.” Only Luci, clad in safety-pinned pants with a “unionize sex work” patch, had ever held a gun before — shooting a .22 with her father.

Rodriguez picked up her revolver — which she calls her “little cowgirl gun” — and flattened her index finger next to the trigger to demonstrate.

She then passed it over to Max. “Always just try to keep it pointed in that direction, where no one is,” Rodriguez told her. “Pull the trigger. It takes a fair bit of force.”

Max pulled it, a bit gingerly. “I’m trying to get over the idea that it’s not loaded,” Max said.

A bespectacled environmental studies major, Max said she fears for her safety due to “the exponential rise in anti-trans legislation proposed and passed.”

She had the opportunity to shoot a gun as a kid, she said, and had declined: “I was pretty afraid of guns, and I didn’t want to be comfortable with guns.”

Max has since changed her mind.

Rodriguez practices with a rifle at a shooting range in Burlington, Washington, on Jan. 12. (Nick Cote/For The Washington Post) All the training was in preparation for a trip to Skagit Shooting Range, about 25 miles to the south.

There, Rodriguez paid $69.16 for range time for the four of them; four paper targets shaped like torsos; and the rental of a Sig Sauer P365-XL pistol from the White male clerk.

He briefed them on safety before they headed to the indoor range’s stalls, breaking up into pairs. Despite earplugs, the sound of bullets whizzing through the corridor made conversation nearly impossible.

The shooter in the adjacent stall wore a sweatshirt emblazoned with “Jesus is My Savior/Trump For President” in large letters. If he noticed the shooters next to him, he didn’t let on.

Rodriguez copped a shooter’s pose to demonstrate, her gleaming Doc Martens wide apart, her left foot pitched ahead. She grasped the gun, her arms straight.

June copied the stance and took the gun from her friend. She was a bit shaky as she placed her arms in front of her, aimed and fired.

There was a loud pop as the bullet squeezed out of the pistol and sliced through the cardboard dangling above the target. June felt the sound’s vibration in her teeth. The shell casing clattered to the ground, joining hundreds of others in the range. She turned to face Rodriguez and smiled widely.

“I don’t think I hit the target,” she said.

Now it’s Max’s turn to shoot. Afterward, she’s a bundle of nerves as she sits at a table in the gun store outside the range.

“I kind of honestly, like, forgot to breathe,” Max said. “My chest feels really tight. … It was definitely more powerful than I expected.”

June said her first time shooting a gun was “a little nerve-racking, to be honest.

“But I think learning how to do it makes me feel a little bit more comfortable about holding one. I feel more inclined to get one.”

The group went back to practice some more. After they fired their rounds, they pushed a button that sent the target flapping toward them for inspection. Luci proudly pointed to her perfectly placed body shot.

Though these women felt rejected by their political leadership, they were participating heartily in an American tradition: defending themselves with firearms.

“We have the same Second Amendment right that any Republican has,” Rodriguez said. “We just don’t have the numbers to do, like, a march on Washington. We’re just super easy to pick on. The only equalizer we have, really, is guns.”

[katsu28]

Hi! For the flower ask could I request lily of the valley with Jamie x f!reader? I was thinking something like reader revealing to Jamie that they are pregnant? If you’re not feeling that I always love a seemingly sad prompt turned happy! I also loved this prompt list and could request 100 more if you want 😂😂♥️♥️

i had such a great time with this pls request as much as you want, i would be honored to write them <3

lily of the valley: a tear, followed by a sob, jamie tartt x reader, mentions of pregnancy ofc, 1.6k

You were trying so hard not to freak out right now. 

You’d been feeling like absolute shit the past week or so, but just chalked it up to having some bad takeout, or that you’d finally caught that pesky flu that’d been going around this time of year. It wasn’t until your period hadn’t come when it was supposed to that the idea you could possibly be pregnant dawned upon you, but when it finally did, you rushed to the nearest pharmacy to buy a boatload of pregnancy tests. 

Now you were here, sat on the closed toilet lid in your bathroom, waiting until the agonizingly long five minutes were up. 

It was hard not to jump to conclusions, but god, you really were doing your best. Having a baby would change every aspect of your lives. You didn't know if you were ready for that. But you also didn't know if you weren’t ready for it. You wouldn't know unless it actually happened but if you really were pregnant, there was no taking that back. Having a baby was a forever thing. With Jamie. 

Yeah, the whole not jumping to conclusions thing really wasn’t working out very well for you this far. 

Your phone timer went off before you could dig yourself into a deeper hole and you squeezed your eyes shut when you’d made your way to the counter where the blue and white test sat, looking seemingly innocent. It seemed strange how such a tiny stick would tell you whether or not your life and Jamie’s would change forever. 

Exhaling a long, calming breath, you peeked at it with one eye, then both. 

Three lines, clear as day. Positive.

You took two more in quick succession right after just to be sure—different brands too, just to make double sure. Two more positives. You were definitely pregnant. 

How were you going to tell Jamie? He was at the height of his football career, and even though you’d been together a long while, you hadn’t even really had that huge next step conversation about starting a family. Hell, you weren’t even sure if he wanted kids—not with what he’d been through with his own father. Of course, Jamie would never turn out like his dickhead dad, but you knew he’d be worried about it. 

On the other hand, starting a family with Jamie sounded amazing. You’d get to have a kid that was a perfect blend of him and yourself, someone to love and nurture and watch grow into their own person. They’d have the best parts of Jamie, the best parts of you, and every time you’d look at them you’d get to cherish this human being you’d created together. 

The sound of the front door closing in the distance pulled you from your spiraling thoughts and you quickly hid the tests in the cupboard, splashing some water on your face. You didn’t feel normal by a long shot, but planned to act like so until you could truly process the new information. It still felt unreal. 

Jamie was rummaging around in the fridge when you finally gathered the confidence to leave the bathroom, humming to himself until he heard you enter the kitchen. “Hey, d’you know if we have any more eggs, or are we out? I could run to the shops really quick if we need stuff.” 

“Um, we should still have a few, I think,” You mumbled, trying your best to keep your voice as level as you could. You must not have done as good of a job as you wanted, because he straightened up immediately, swinging the door shut to look at you. When he saw you standing there looking less than happy, he was across the room in an instant, holding you at arms’ length to scan you for any injuries or differences in your appearance, anything that could tell him why you looked like you’d seen a ghost. 

“Whoa. What’s wrong?”

You shook your head, inhaling a deep breath before trying to force a smile. “Nothing, I’m fine, I promise I’m fine.” 

“Don’t look fine to me.” He frowned, rubbing his hands down your arms. “Looks like you’ve got something on your mind. C’mon, lemme have it. Talk to me, love.” 

You weren’t sure if it was the way he knew you so well he could tell something was off with just one look, or if it was the pregnancy hormones already kicking in (did they even kick in this early??? You couldn’t have been more than a couple weeks pregnant at this point), but you couldn’t help it. 

A tear rolled down your cheek, and before you knew it you were sobbing, burying yourself against Jamie’s chest. He mumbled a soft ‘oh fuck’ but wrapped his arms around you despite his total confusion, pressing his nose into your hair and shuffling over to the sofa so he could hold you as tight as he could. He didn’t know what the fuck was going on, but he knew whatever it was, you’d deal with it together. 

“Sorry, I just—god, I’m sorry, you’re probably tired and I’m—I’m…I don’t know.” You sniffled, wiping under your eyes with the sleeve of your jumper. You pulled away from him with a shaky sigh, putting your head in your hands. 

Jamie shook his head profusely, scrambling to kneel down in front of you. “Fuck that, why’re you cryin’?” He asked, concerned etched into his features. He took hold of your elbows, gently prying your arms away from your face so he could see you properly. “Did that cranky old sod from a few houses over come over to yell at you about the garden again? I swear to fuckin’ god—” 

“I’m pregnant.” You blurted, deciding to just rip the bandaid off and get it over with. 

Jamie’s mouth snapped shut instantly. He blinked owlishly at you. “You—wait, wait. You’re…” 

“Pregnant.”

“You’re pregnant.” He repeated, wide eyes darting down to your midriff, then back up to your gaze. “Right now? How—how long?” 

“I don’t know. Four, five weeks, maybe? I just—I know it’s not something we planned for, and—and Richmond’s doing super well and you’ve got your whole career ahead of you and I get it if you don’t wanna be saddled with a kid—” Jamie took hold of your fidgeting hands, although his were quite shaky as well. He didn’t say anything for a while, but you suspected it was more for utter shock and a lack of words rather than disappointment like the fear you’d had in the back of your head this whole time. 

“Don’t even think like that. M’not going anywhere—wouldn’t even dream about it.” He said finally, looking you right in the eye. He looked determined. Steadfast. “Whatever I have to do, whatever we have to do, I’ll do it. We’ll do it. Everything’s gonna go just fine.” 

“How are you so calm right now?” You asked quietly, running a hand through his hair. 

Jamie leaned into your touch on instinct, turning his head to kiss your palm gently. “M’not calm. Feels like my heart’s about to burst out me chest, I’m so happy. But it don't really seem like I should be yellin’ and shit right now—not til you’ve wiped those tears from your eyes.” He replied, reaching out to swipe away the tear tracks from your cheeks on his own. “Can I—can I talk to them? The baby.” 

“Sure, love.” You smiled at him warmly and he nodded, suddenly looking a little nervous as he settled himself right next to your stomach. You were pretty sure the baby was only the size of a seed right now, but the thought of Jamie wanting to talk to them made your own heart swell. You suspected it would be something he’d do throughout your entire pregnancy. 

“Erm…hi, I guess. I’m your dad. I don’t—I don’t really know what to say to you because I don’t think you’ve quite got any ears yet, but…I want you to know that I promise to always be here for you and to love you no matter what,” He murmured, rubbing his fingers against your skin. He hesitated for a few beats, and you knew he was thinking about his own father. How he never wanted to become like James. How he would never want to put your child through what he went through.

How he wanted to break the cycle and create a better one—a life filled with love and joy, never fear and resentment. 

You felt another tear roll down your cheek, and another, and then you were sniffling back another round of sobs, making Jamie’s eyes fly to your face. “Oh shit, I made your mum cry again—fuck, I ain’t supposed to say shit, ain’t I? I’ll get better at this once you get here, yeah? But until then, have fun inside your mum. I know I did.” 

That earned him a shove to the side of the head, but he still grinned, dropping a kiss to your stomach before pushing himself back to sit cross-legged next to you. “Was that good? I think I smashed it.” 

You let out a watery chuckle, dabbing at your waterline with your sleeve again. “It was perfect.” 

“Can I yell ‘bout it now?” 

“Have a go.” 

“We’re havin’ a baby! We’re havin’ a fuckin’ baby!!!” He cheered, jumping onto the couch next to you. You couldn’t stop the giggle that escaped your lips at his antics. He was happy and you’d never been so relieved to see him that way. 

Jamie pumped his fist into the air a few times before dropping to his knees and leaning in to kiss you, nearly missing your mouth in his now unleashed excitement. “I love you, darlin’. I love you with everythin’ I’ve got, and I love our kid just as much. Even if they are just a clump of cells right now. And everything that comes next, we’ll figure it out. The season, the training, all that shit, we’ll figure it out together.” 

“Together.” You echoed, giving his hand a tight squeeze.

follow @katsu-library to be notified when i post new fics :) and if you've gotten this far, feel free to take a look at the prompt lists in my nav to request something!

[enavstars]

This is Ninazu Rashid or Dr. Rashid, my only ninjago oc besides Cyra. He is a doctor in Ignacia that befriended Kai and Nya and cares a lot about them.

Basically I wanted to make a kind and patient adult oc because Kai and Nya need one (badly) and there are barely any nice adults in the show (not including Ed and Edna, we respect them :>).

Details:

(Cw: mentions of homophobia and ped0philia)

Dr. Rashid is the doctor of a small clinic in Ignacia who also runs the pharmacy. He met the siblings when Kai got badly sick and they called him out for help. Even when Kai got better, Rashid couldn’t keep the situation they were living in off his mind, so he would usually go to check on Kai's health... and also take care of them a bit, in whatever little way he could.

Nya used to go by the clinic after school because Rashid would usually give her drinks and snacks (she loved the hot choco in winter) and he tried, with little success, to make Nya convince Kai to come so he could eat something too.

One time, Nya got sick and Kai went under the rain to his door to ask dr. Rashid for help; of course, he went with him and gave the necessary medicine to Nya. Since they couldn’t afford it, though, Kai asked to work at the pharmacy to help Rashid as compensation, and after a lot of insinsting, the doctor finally gave in and let him. But they ended up bonding during that time, and Rashid did defend Kai even when he started stealing, but he also made him understand that he should only do so when absolutely necessary.

However, as he's gay, when the conservative village found out a bunch of nasty rumors started to spread, most of them about his sexuality and his relationship with Kai and Nya (ped0philia). Rashid tried to endure the comments but it was starting to affect his job with people simply not going to the clinic because of it. So, sadly, he had to leave to Ninjago City, unintentionally leaving Kai and Nya with even more abandonment issues and not a single safe person in the village.

In the present he spent many years trying to be Kai and Nya's general doctor for whenever they get hurt in missions (even going out of his way to study more so he could help them), until finally he made it (I know nothing of how hospital works so this may be wrong). The siblings were confused and angry at him at first, until he explained the reasons why he left and they calmed down.

Dr. Rashid then proceeded to ask what he could do to make them feel better from then on, and actually listened to them and treated them like grown people (looking at you Ray and Maya :))). Kai and Nya then forgave him and are really good friends with him now.

More stuff:

He got married and is sad and frustrated that he couldn't invite the siblings to the wedding.

He is really respected in the hospital for being the only doctor who Kai and Nya listen to and how "docile" they are with him.

Kai and Nya sometimes visit him for dinner.

He is also very kind to the other ninja and understands how hard they work for Ninjago. He is specially kind to Lloyd for that and for being Kai and Nya's younger brother.

[reorientation]

I'm ftm and I've been on HRT for 5 years, had top surgery and I generally pass really well. My passport says I'm male, too. But until very recently, I never even saw a real cock in person, despite being a fairly horny person - I've only had sex with two people, both afab and transmasc as well. Ironically, I was the dom-ish one in both of these relationships, too.

But... I kept spending a lot of time online browsing through humiliation and misgendering porn. Reddit, tumblr, all that stuff. I kept fantasizing about being used like that. The rougher the better. I've got so many fantasies about it.

It took me a long time to finally install grindr. First, I chickened out and uninstalled it. And then installed again. Uninstalled. Installed.

And one night, around midnight, I started writing with someone. He lived 5 minutes from me. Told me I could come for a quick discreet fuck, just that, like I'm a fleshlight. And... I did. I went out, came to his house, got bent over and for maybe 8 minutes, he fucked my pussy, groped my ass and made me feel like a toy.

I loved it.

I didn't even get to cum, obviously. He didn't even ask for my name until afterwards. And then I told him to hit me up if he ever needs to unload again. It was my first cock ever, first one I've seen and first one I've let inside my most private parts, and the first cock even saw me as a fleshlight because that's how I advertised myself.

I kept grindr on my phone after that. I'm not using it too much, but it's there, waiting for me. And I did have a few more encounters after this one. I guess it awoken the slut inside me...

While this first guy used a condom, I was quick to find a second one. And I was so horny that I let him cum inside me (he even took some pics). I'm not on any contraception apart from T, which isn't contraception, and I'm scared like hell of getting pregnant. So afterwards, I had an awkward pharmacy talk, because I came in and said 'I need emergency contraception', they asked if it's for me, they stared at me and said 'it's for females'. I didn't sleep at all this night (because he was too busy with my body...) and I stood there like a dumb bitch for a few seconds while the guy (he came with me) said 'he's female' and that unlocked something in my brain and I said I'm trans.

Today, I might get fucked raw by another guy again. I had enough brains to get on birth control after that awkward pharmacy talk but apparently not enough brains to stop offering my cunt to strangers...

Oh also it's the ftm who just send you a long ask about fucking people from grindr and having an awkward pharmacy talk and possibly fucking another stranger tonight, I thought I should add some kind of name so you know who I am so uhmmm I guess my deadname would be a good fit and knowing you know it along with the fact that I'm offering my pussy to strangers will be kinda hot. So hi, I'm Alice uhh, and nobody used this name for me in years...

🎵One pill makes you larger and one pill makes you small 🎵

Except for you, Alice, I suppose it's "keeps you small" - without that little pill, you might already be swelling. 🖤

Sometimes things happen very fast, don't they? You hadn't even seen a cock in real life, for all those years, and then just a few days after you sent your first Grindr message, you were out in public listening to the man who'd just fucked his cum into you tell a stranger that you're female.

How did it feel to have them looking at you, Alice? To feel their eyes on you and realize that they knew you had a fresh load of cum inside your pussy. To realize that after all your efforts to pass, you still ended up having to admit that you have a fertile womb, and that a real man had put his seed into it.

It felt good, didn't it? Being a cumdump, and having them know it. Being humiliated in public because you'd been so desperate to give your pussy to a stranger. Having them see right through your identity to the needy little cunt underneath.

But maybe they're not seeing through anything. You've been dreaming of "misgendering" and letting men use you as a fleshlight without even asking your name. Maybe this is your new identity - not a man, just a needy little cunt.

[thatfunkyopossum]

Pleasant Trans Story

I had to go to the pharmacy to pick up some medications for an upcoming gender affirming surgery, and things got pretty complicated and I ended up having to wait for somethings to process for about 20 minutes and I had to wait to get called a couple different times.

Now the reason this is a nice time I had as a trans person is because when I first went to the counter and was asked for my name, I did not give my legal name. I’m in most systems as my chosen name, and at this particular location my chosen name is the one on my card. The perscriptions didn’t come up though, so I mentioned it might be under a different name. The name my insurance is over. So this woman at the counter had my legal name (the name on all my prescriptions) and had heard/typed my actual name once. She and the rest of the pharmacy staff then proceeded to call me by my chosen name the ENTIRE time, didn’t slip up once.

 I honestly didn’t even really think about it until later, but she recognized that there was someone in front of her who had two different names, and was clearly uncomfortable with the second, and she made sure to know what the name I liked was so she could easily get my attention without deadnaming me. It was just... really nice.

[munsonismymuse]

when you know, you know.

rated g | 2, 086 words | tags: Additional Tags: Eddie Munson Takes Care of Steve Harrington, Pet Names, Gay Eddie Munson, Bisexual Steve Harrington, Friends to Lovers.

Note: I apologize for any mistake, english is my second language. this is my first Steddie fanfic published and my first fanfic in english. I hope you enjoy it, let me know if there any mistake...

🌟🌟🌟

Steve was happy to have someone to help him with the day to day tasks, he had always been independent (although there was no other option for him really) and he enjoyed being that person who was always there for his friends and who helped them with their day to day life, it made him really happy and made him feel useful. Of course Robin helped him a lot too, but for some reason, when he called Eddie for help it was different, it felt different and sent shivers down his spine.

"Hello?"

"Hello Eds." Steve whispered, doing things as simple as calling him on the phone felt truly intimate. Steve could swear Eddie was smiling.

‘’Stevie! To what do I owe the pleasure of hearing your voice so early, my highness?’’

Steve smiled at the nickname, he hated being remembered as King Steve, but he loved when Eddie called him that, because he loved when he said "my." He got as close as he could to the clock on the wall so he could see the time....

‘’Eds, it's 1:00 PM’’

‘’See? I told you I got up early, actually I should sleep until 3, it's my rest day.’’ Eddie smiled.

‘’Now that you remember it, it makes me feel terrible because I was going to ask you a favor.’’

‘’And I will tell you: Of course, Stevie.’’

‘’No, Eddie, it's…’’

"Ah ah ah," Eddie interrupted, "don't try to convince me because you won't succeed. What can I do for you, darling?"

‘’Eddie, but…’’

‘’Honey, I want to take care of you, what do you need?’’ Eddie responded softly.

“Thanks Eds,” Steve whispered with a slight, “Can you pick up my migraine medication? The pharmacy closes at 5 and my shift ends at 7, I forgot that I had to go get them, the prescription is…‘’

‘’In the refrigerator.’’

Steve smiled without being able to stop.

‘’Yes, there is also money in the next drawer, please Eddie, take it.’’

‘’Okay.’’

"I'm being serious, Munson."

‘’I don't know where that drawer is.’’

‘’Eddie, if you don't take it, I'lI feel terrible. ‘’

‘’Have a nice day, pretty boy.’’

Eddie didn't even give Steve time to respond, he immediately ended the call. Either way, Steve barely managed to put the phone down, because his brain short-circuited upon hearing the older man's words.

---

‘’Eddie’’

"Don't insist, Stevie," Eddie exclaimed, "I'm a gentleman and I won't take the money."

Eddie smiled triumphantly as he saw that Steve finally gave up, he gave him a loving pat on his arm and sat on the kitchen floor of his house, Eddie sat next to him. They had spent about 15 minutes arguing with a smile on their faces for money. Although Steve felt genuinely bad for making Eddie spend money, he also felt happy to have someone who would immediately agree to go get his medicine without expecting anything in return.

In moments like this, Steve feels as if he and Eddie are building their own world that only the two of them can inhabit, together. Steve feels loved and it has taken him a little time to process that feeling, but for the first time in his life he is certain that love exists. Eddie seems to understand that Steve is not used to this, but he has allowed him to go at his own pace, and has given him a safe space to find himself, to feel what is happening between them.

It is worth mentioning that Steve went into complete panic when he realized that friendship with Eddie was not just friendship, curiously and considering the person he had been just three years ago, it did not scare him so much to know that he was falling in love with a boy, he was actually scared of not knowing what to do about it, it was the first time he felt genuinely loved. No move he had used in the past for his conquests seemed good enough. Steve found at age 20 that he had no idea what to do when you were truly in love, he had adored Nancy romantically and knew that Nancy adored him and was attracted to him, many people were attracted to him but had never received what Eddie gave him, they didn't talk about it but Steve was certain that they belonged to each other, and although he didn't know exactly what to say, he knew that the time to talk about it was getting closer and closer.

Meanwhile he can only say...

‘’Thank you’’

For accepting me, for loving me, for waiting for me.

“It's a pleasure” Eddie says with genuine sincerity, taking Steve's hand in his and placing a small kiss.

Eddie's ideal response made him smile, Steve was obviously thanking him for picking up his medications but also for being patient with him. Steve rested his head on Eddie's shoulder, who smiled when he felt it.

"By the way," Steve whispered without breaking away, "I have something for you."

“Mm huh?” Eddie exclaimed, looking straight into his eyes, they were so close. Steve could see how his eyes shined just for him, it physically hurt him to have to separate from him when he had those beautiful eyes fixed completely on him.

"Yes" Steve whispered, lost in his eyes.

“What do you have for me, darling?” Eddie whispered as he hugged him.

Steve smiled as if he were hiding a mischief, got up and took Eddie's hand to walk together to the refrigerator, Eddie rested his back on the kitchen counter, his little eyes reflected the curiosity he was feeling, Steve opened the refrigerator, pulling out the surprise...

“Ice cream?” Eddie asked.

‘’Do you remember the vanilla ice cream you bought on Saturday when we went to breakfast?’’

“The best ice cream in the universe?” Eddie asked excitedly, Steve nodded “God, I loved that ice cream”

"Well, I bought you this bottle..." Steve answered, Eddie looked at him very excitedly, "and maybe three others that are in the refrigerator."

Eddie looked at him with wide, surprised eyes.

‘’But the waitress didn't want to tell me the name!’’

"Yesterday I came back alone, she even told me where to buy it," Steve smiled. "No one can resist my charm!"

"Surely not, dear." Eddie said with a huge smile. “You flirted and tricked a girl just so I could have my ice cream?”

“It sounds awful when you say it like that“ Steve exclaimed “Besides, you loved the ice cream”

Eddie let out a genuine, happy laugh, filled with pure adoration, and picked up Steve who immediately wrapped his arms around his neck for support.

‘’What did you say to her?’’ Eddie said.challenging him, looking into his eyes with a smile, Steve felt his cheeks heat up.

‘’Hi, I'm Steve!’’ Steve said, faking his own voice. ‘’Oh! I was just looking for you, by the way, your hair looks very nice like that’’

‘’Oh yeah?’’ Eddie exclaimed, raising an eyebrow, taking Steve’s words as if they were meant for him.

"Mmm huh," said Steve, "last Saturday I came with my best friend, he loved the vanilla ice cream, Oh! don't worry babe. I understand that you couldn't tell him because it's a company secret but maybe you could tell me, his birthday is on Tuesday and I would like to serve it at his birthday party. I don't want to cause you problems  but oh, I would love to be a Good boy  for my man, my best friend.

Steve was exaggerating his performance but Eddie was completely lost, he couldn't help his eyes drifting to the other boy's lips when he emphasized being a good boy .

‘’And she gave it to you so easily?’’ Eddie smiled.

‘’Of course, nothing moves more than a boy being sweet for his best friend. ’’ He smiled proudly.

"Sure, you're a great friend, my best homie."

Steve laughed outrageously, Eddie imitated him and lowered him to the floor. Steve scooped up some ice cream and gave it to Eddie to try, who gushed about his love for ice cream. Steve's mouth watered, his lips were open, the sounds Eddie made flooded his entire body and brain.

"God, Steve! You're truly the best, I don't deserve you, you got ice cream just because I mentioned that I loved it," he exclaimed with emotion, "thank you so much, baby."

Steve smiled with a sweet blush on his cheeks, he took care of continuing to feed them both with the ice cream, they shared a spoon and from time to time Eddie smeared ice cream on his face, the tension in the air was evident, the two of them were so deep into the space of the other. The metalhead looked destroyed and proud every time he saw the delicious, white ice cream on Steve's face, it seemed that he was engraving that image of Steve deep inside his mind. Steve could tell Eddie was holding back from doing something else, and Steve wanted that badly, he wanted Eddie to lick every bit of ice cream off his face, but, instead he just smiled at him with complicity, shyness and a blush on his cheeks.

They eventually ended up back on the floor sharing the ice cream and a spoon.

"I've been meaning to ask for a while,” Eddie exclaimed. Steve looked at him. “What does the “J” mean?"

Steve looked at him confused.

"In your prescription, it said Steve J. Harrington."

"Oh, that's my name," Steve answered, concentrating on the ice cream. "Steven Joseph Harrington."

Steve stopped eating when he felt Eddie staring at him with genuine surprise, it seemed like he was even having a hard time breathing. He was always so expressive, especially with his eyes but at that moment he was surprised like he rarely was.

"Are you kidding?" Eddie asked, almost holding his breath.

"No," Steve responded with visible confusion and some anxiety.

"Stevie"

Eddie took him by the face and covered his cheeks, his forehead and his nose with small sweet and noisy kisses.Steve dropped the spoon and without being able to stop himself he began to laugh softly. It was the first time Eddie had kissed him so many times and with so much enthusiasm.

"What's wrong, Eds?"

"Happens that I love you and that we were fucking destined, God." Eddie exclaimed with emotion, Steve looked at him surprised, that was a confession, it was the first time he had said those words to him "And It's my name too"

Steve still hadn't processed that Eddie had told him ‘’I love you’’ for the first time, casually in his kitchen while eating ice cream, and now he had to process that he shared his name with the boy he loved.

"What?" Steve exclaimed, surprised.

"I swear on my guitar," said Eddie, "Edward Joseph Munson, I never thought it rhymed, nice to meet you."

Steve laughed hysterically.

"Steven Joseph Harrington, mine doesn't rhyme either." Steve responded, "the pleasure is mine."

Eddie took his hand ‘’What are the possibilities? I mean, we're only children from marriages that probably never loved each other, we have matching scars and matching names!’’

Before he could think about it too much, Steve kissed him. Their teeth clashed a little because it had been unexpected, but Eddie quickly knew how to keep up, Steve was sure that kissing him was the best decision he had ever made, he felt like all the pieces finally fit together, he was feeling like he was breathing properly for the first time in his life, which was ironic because Eddie was stealing all his air, Steve wanted to take everything that was within his reach, with his hands he ran over the other boy's face and hair, at times he traveled to his back and to his waist. After a few seconds he was sitting on the lap of the other boy who received him and held him firmly.

Steve Harrington had never felt so powerful before, kissing a boy felt powerful.

"I love you too, by the way," Steve smiled close to his lips, looking into his eyes. "Thank you for waiting for me."

"Always."

Steve smiled because he felt free and light, loving Eddie felt easy like eat vanilla ice cream. He couldn't believe that the right moment had arrived when he least expected it, he was simply certain at that moment that when you are with the love of your life, you know it.

[youremyheaven]

with that Venusian man 👨 hmm 👀👀 spill the tea girl

Not the 33yr old, this is the friend from a few nights ago 😜 whose arms I liked 🤭😩

They're both Bharani Moon tho 😌 which is my favourite among the Venus naks 😌😌😌 so I do feel like God's favourite rn lmao 🤪

Idk why I never felt this way about him before but looking at his pictures and talking to him, didn't make me feel much , like he's objectively good looking, a veryyyy handsome man, 6'2 😩😩 (the 33yr old is 5'7 max 😔) BROAD ASF SHOULDERS, BIG ARMS, but I was never attracted to him. He has a very sweetie personality too, he has Mercury in Purvabhadrapada atmakaraka and lots of Jupiter in his navamsa chart and he feels veryyy Jupiterean, which according to Claire's video is the nice guy you friendzone etc which is what I did too 😜🤭🤭but OH MY GODDDDDD THE MAN IS DEMONICCCC IN BED 😩😩😩😩😩

He has a veryyyy masculine presence and I love love love love LOVE his body 😩😩😩 he's so bulky and so big, I just get butterflies looking at him 😍😍

So we agreed to book a hotel room that you can rent for a couple of hours??? BEST DECISION IVE EVER MADE 😩😩😩

and from the minute he picked me up, I just had to have him inside me one way or another like 😭😭😭 he's SOOO manly, that I just WANT to get on my knees for him 😭😭😭 I can't believe I'm saying this out loud 😭😭

He's so affectionate and SOOOO gentlemanly, like DAMN he was raised right ✨ he prioritizes foreplay and spends a lot of time on my body, just kissing me all over, I remember when we were friends, he'd casually point to the moles on my arms and say shit like "would be nice playing connect the dots with these 😏" but I just saw him as a friend and I flirt with all my friends male and female and vice versa so i didn't think too much of it but tonight 😩😩😭 as he took my pants off, he saw the mole on my upper thigh and he was like "here's one I haven't seen before 😈" (and all of today, his voice has been deeper and more 🥵🥵 usually he sounds all 😃😊😃☀️🌸 but today he sounded so 😈🥵😈 even tho he was just talking about normal shit) and then he kissed it and licked it 🥵🥵down until he reached yk where 🙈 and BOYS' GOT THAT TONGUE TECHNOLOGY 😩😩😩I was shook 😳😳😳too stunned to speak 🙊😳😳😳😳I was physically glitching 😭 i literally had to beg him to just put it in because I cannot take it anymore 😭😭 and the wayyyy he grabbed my legs closer to him 😩😩😩we fcked thrice 🙈🙈🙈🙈 he only had one condom 💀💀💀 and y'all should always use protection when you have sex but when he pulled out and jizzed on my stomach, I lost my mind, idk it was so hot 🙈🥵

And just the way he holds me, touches me etc it makes me feel 😩😩😩

I'm sorry to share such filth detail with y'all but I don't have friends I can share any of this with (so instead I'm telling thousands of strangers lmao 😭) idk why I'm giving such a blow by blow account of this but honestly it was suchhh a good experience 🙈🙈🙈

We were just lying down talking between rounds and we have such a good bond y'all it's so funny 😭😭 like we're talking about random shit, he was asking me about stuff and I was telling him and he was smiling kissing my body as he's listening and then he holds my face and says "you know this is pillow talk right" and idk we're both blushing 🙈 and he's like "I love listening to this, don't stop, keep talking" 😩😩 (fastest way to my heart lol)

Anyways, we leave the hotel (super cute place btw) and when we're by the reception the staff (just two dudes) look at us like 😏but tryna remain professional and I feel so accomplished like ??? I just had sex with this tall handsome man ??? 😩😩And everytime others looked at us, I was just like 😌😌hehe this hottie was inside me 😌hehe 🤪😜🤭 and ngl we look reallyyy good together 🥵🤭🙈but anyways although he pulled out in time, he did cum outside my yk what and I told him I'm taking the pill just to be safe and he parked a little bit away from the pharmacy and went and bought it for me???? Like that's well raised right there 🥹🥹 (he didn't want them to see me bc this is India and women are judged heavily for having sex and he bought it bc he came inside me so that's the least he could do 💀but just the fact that all of it was so unspoken and he just did all of it intuitively was sooo hot to me, like I said I'm turned on by gentlemanliness) you should have seen the way he looked when he walked back to me 🥹🥹🥹🥹 just the finest man alive 😍🥵😩 idk how someone can go from being some guy to THE guy in a couple of days but it's happened 😭😭😭

he texted me asking if I reached home and then asked me a little later if I took the pill 😭😭 I never ever EVER thought that him and I would be at a point where we fuck raw and he reminds me to take the pill 😭life works in mysterious ways 😭

[denaliwrites]

Say You'll Remember Me

Alec Hardy x Fem!Reader

Summary: You thought you were free of Alec Hardy, but it seemed Alec had other ideas.

Soundtrack: Wildest Dreams by Taylor Swift

Requests: Open!

Warnings: Criminal Activity. Mentions of past assault. Mentions of drugs and their use. Allusions to sex. Brief depiction of assault.

The last thing -- well, person -- you expected to see when you walked into Hightown's pharmacy come Monday morning was DI Alec Hardy. Yet, there he stood, leaned against a wall, reading a paper he no doubt bought from the Village Store, looking casual as could be.

There was no doubt in your mind that he was waiting for you -- his looking up when you walked in and his immediate surge into motion only proved the theory. You needed past him, but with him coming at you the only thing you could think to do was flee.

As you turned and went right back out the door, you heard him call your name, but you didn't dare stop.

He was a persistent fucker, though, and he followed you all the way to your cottage.

"Go away, Alec," you called over your shoulder as you fought with your keys.

"I just need to talk to you," he said, in that stupid fucking accent that made you melt. "Please. I'll be quick."

"No. No, no, no! I won't -- I can't do this again."

You finally slotted your key into the lock and rushed into your home. The door all but slammed behind you, and you quickly locked it back up before Alec could even consider forcing his way inside.

He tried rapping lightly on the window, calling your name gently -- sadly, you dared to think. But you ignored him, stepping away and wiping at your eyes.

It was an hour before the cottage fell fully silent, and another hour before you dared look outside.

You were grateful to see he'd gone.

You knew he wouldn't drop it -- whatever it was, whatever had brought him to you. You felt like you were walking on eggshells wherever you went -- in your own home, even -- waiting for the moment he confronted you again.

It happened the next day -- and, honestly, it was your fault. You'd allowed yourself to get into a position where you could be cornered. Trapped.

The way he approached you was careful. You supposed you hadn't done much to convince him it was unnecessary -- the way you were side-eyeing him was not unlike a frightened animal.

"Leave me alone, Alec," you begged him, looking around for an escape route. The only one was blocked, by him.

"I can't do that, darlin'," he told you sadly, his hands held out placatingly. "I need to talk to you."

"Yeah, you said that before. I still -- I can't talk to you."

"You can. I ken ye don't want to, and I ken it'll be hard, but I really need ye to, darlin'. Please."

You shook your head, wiping tears from your eyes. "You don't understand. I can't."

"Help me understand," he pleaded gently, taking a step toward you.

You stepped back, bumping against a shelf of snacks and almost knocking it over.

"I can help you," he tried, and you could hear in his voice how desperate he was. "Let me take ye back to Broadchurch with me."

"I -- I'm not going anywhere with you," you whimpered. "Please just leave me alone."

You tried to shove past him, but he caught you, his arm wrapping around your waist and keeping you from running. "Darlin', please. I need ye to cooperate with me."

"No -- no! Get off me!"

He realized quickly that your protests were drawing attention, but he still didn't let you go. "We can go quietly," he whispered in your ear, "or I can arrest ye."

"For what?" you asked, though your struggling had already ceased.

"Pervertin' the course of justice."

You whimpered, going limp in his arms. "F-fine," you said, choking back a sob. "But -- but, please, let's go to my cottage. I want to be -- it's comfortable there..."

He nodded, his arm snaking along your waist until it was no longer holding you. Delicately, you stepped through the shop until you exited, closely followed by Alec. He followed you all the way to your cottage, he followed you inside, and he followed you as you entered the kitchen and set about making tea for him and yourself.

"You've done well here," he commented as he looked around while you were busy. "It suits you."

"Why are you here, Alec?"

"Y'ken, I could just want to see ye."

"You do not just want to see me," you said, looking up to meet his eyes for a moment. "So why did you track me all the way to Liverpool? Not to mention all the places I lived before that you would've had to check."

"We think the man who attacked you is back."

You nearly dropped the mug you were holding. You clumsily set it back on the counter, hands suddenly unsteady and unable to keep a solid grip on it.

"We found a woman matching your profile -- dead. We're not sure it he thought she was you or if he just has a type... but we're almost certain it's him."

You swallowed thickly, sinking to the floor with a pitiful moan.

"I'm sorry," Alec said softly, coming to hover near you, his hand squeezing your shoulder. "I ken I said I wouldn't look for ye, I said a lot of things that I have to go back on now."

"Why?"

"Because at the time, I thought that when you left town, that'd be the end of things. He didn't follow you, and there were no more attacks. I had no reason to think I'd ever see ye again -- that I'd need to see ye again."

You leaned against your cabinets and pulled your knees up to your chest. Alec's hand stayed comfortingly on your shoulder even as you tried to shrug him off.

"Why would this require me to come back?"

"You saw him."

You dropped your head onto your knees with a broken sob. "I don't want to be your fucking star witness!" you wailed.

"I ken," he soothed, his hand rubbing your shoulder. "I ken. I don't want ye to be involved either -- but we need ye, darlin'."

You shook your head. "I won't. I can't."

"Why not, darlin'?"

You shook your head. "No -- I can't -- Alec, I can't."

"Then I've no choice but to arrest ye, darlin'."

Another terrified moan escaped you. "Please -- don't take me back -- I can't go back --"

He looked regretful as he pulled you up and circled your wrists with a pair of cuffs.

The drive to Broadchurch was a long one.

Nearly five hours long, to be exact.

You spent the majority of the time crying or staring out the window. Alec was kind enough to have stocked up on your favorite snacks and drinks before trapping you in the car. He was also kind enough to give you full control of the radio -- at first, you'd opted for silence. But eventually, you got to a point where you couldn't stand it anymore, and you turned it on and found a pop station. Just to fill the silence.

"D'ye need a restroom?" he asked every so often, to which you always replied with a no.

And so it went, for five hours.

You were ready to sleep for a million years by the time he pulled up to the Broadchurch police station. He escorted you in and sat you in one of the chairs in the lobby before giving you strict instructions not to move while he went and fetched his partner.

Of course, you never had been one to listen to him.

The moment he was out of sight, you made a run for the exit, dashed down the steps leading into the town, and fled into the night. You could hear him calling for you, thought that you could even hear the pounding of feet some distance behind you, but you didn't dare stop.

At least, not until you reached his house. Well, your house. Sort of. It had been, at one time. But now it was his. You knew it was his, were kind of counting on it. You figured that he'd figure that his house would be the last place you'd run off to.

You also figured that he'd probably have spare cuff keys somewhere in there.

It was a little surprising to find a cop's back door unlocked, but you were willing to accept it as coincidence.

What was almost certainly not coincidence, however, was finding Alec Hardy himself standing in the entry room, holding up a key to your cuffs.

"I have a car," he said.

Okay, that was on you.

"Alec, please," you begged, already moving back towards the door.

"Please don't make me add breakin' an' enterin' onto your charges, darlin'."

"The door was unlocked."

"Ye weren't invited in."

"Invite me in, then."

"No."

You huffed in frustration, turning towards the door. You could still flee, if you really wanted, but where would you go? Anywhere you could think of, he'd just find you eventually.

"If you undo the cuffs, I'll go willingly."

"Promise?" he asked as he stepped nearer.

"Have I ever lied to you?"

He shook his head and released you.

Instantly, you shoved him off and made a mad dash for the door.

You may not have ever lied to him before, but there was always a first time for everything. Though, you realized sadly, now he definitely would never trust you again. You came to a halt, burying your face in your hands as you sank to the ground with a sob.

Alec joined you after a moment, crouching next to you. As ever, he placed a comforting hand on your shoulder and gave it a squeeze.

"I'm gonna pretend ye didn't do that," he said softly.

"Thanks," you whimpered.

"Darlin', I know you're scared," he sighed, "but ye gotta do this."

"I don't," you insisted, shrugging his hand off. "You could just let me go back to Hightown, let me go back to pretending nothing ever happened."

"And how was that goin' for ye?" he asked pointedly.

You bit your lip, looking away.

"How were all those pills goin' for ye? All that stress? The depression? You can't tell me you've been okay all this time."

No, you hadn't been okay. You'd been living a half-life, one foot in the real world and one in a nightmare. No matter what you did -- be it yoga or heroin, nothing ever really helped.

"Please help us put the sick fuck away," Alec begged quietly, trying to look into your eyes. "Maybe then you'll be able to rest. Maybe then you'll start to be okay."

You looked up, meeting his gaze, his soft and earnest and yours terrified and full of tears. "Alec, I can't."

"Ye keep sayin' that, but ye've yet to give me a reason."

"It's... complicated."

"Darlin', a woman is dead 'cause she looked like you. It seems pretty simple to me."

"I know it does," you said, and you couldn't mask the anger in your voice even if you wanted to. "Of course it's simple to you. You're not the one who had to go through the hell that I did, you're not the one whose life was threatened --"

"What?"

Fuck.

"Did he threaten ye?" Alec asked, his voice suddenly... concerningly cold.

"Y-yes," you whimpered, looking away from him. "H-he said he'd kill me, if... if I involved the police."

"That's why ye never pressed charges," he sighed with realization. "Why ye ran... why ye keep runnin'."

"I'm trying, anyway."

"Ye gotta know I'll protect you, right?" he asked.

You shrugged. "I know you'll try. But you can't be with me all the time."

"Then someone else will be."

"I don't want to spend every waking moment under surveillance, Alec! I just -- I want everything to go back to normal. I was trying so hard to live my life the way I was before. I was so close and now I've been dragged back into this fucking mess because some random woman I don't know is dead."

"Darlin'," Alec sighed, and then his hand was on you, tilting your head so that you were facing him. "Could ye really live with yourself if another person died and you could've stopped it?"

You desperately wanted to say yes.

"... No," you said instead.

"So help me."

You desperately wanted to say no.

"... Fine," you said instead.

Any charges Alec had against you were apparently dropped after that, though you weren't fully convinced there were any to begin with, which left you wondering if you could go to the police and have him charged with kidnapping and false imprisonment.

Not that you would, but the idea amused you.

Once Alec was sure you weren't going to run off, he allowed you free reign of Broadchurch. He provided you a phone, a key to his place, and some tenners so that you could feed yourself and buy anything else you needed.

All your instincts still told you to run, but you were mostly able to quell them. Alec helped, both with empty threats and actual reassurances. But ultimately, he'd had a point. You weren't going to let someone else die just because you were afraid.

You'd been there a few nights when Alec came home from work and made a beeline for you, looking... hectic.

"I think we've got a lead."

You perked up, but then tilted your head in confusion. "Why do you look so riled up?" you asked.

"I --" He took a deep breath, making a concerted effort to look calmer on your behalf. "I just... needed to tell ye. And make sure you're okay."

"Thanks?" you said with a nervous chuckle. "I'm fine. Just... enjoying my dinner."

He glanced down at your meal -- just some basic fish and chips -- and smiled. "Like old times, eh?"

You blushed and forced a shrug. "I guess."

"I missed this," he sighed, approaching you and coming to sit on the sofa beside you. His shoulder bumped yours gently as he moved to snatch a chip from your takeout tray.

"Hey!" you whined, swatting him.

He laughed even as he popped the chip into his mouth. You couldn't help but giggle in return.

"You owe me," you told him.

"Will a kiss do?" he asked.

You froze. "Alec, I -- I'm not that woman anymore," you said with a sigh, looking away. "That woman... she's been gone a long time."

"I know," he replied, his voice just as cheerful as before. "Maybe I wanna get to ken the new you."

You blinked and looked up at him. "With a kiss?"

"Well, I've never kissed the new you."

You rolled your eyes, but buried your hands in his lapels and pulled him into a kiss all the same. A deep and passionate one. One that did an excellent job, if you did say so yourself, of conveying how much you missed this, too.

When you pulled back, both of you were breathless. You were thinking how deep the shit you were in was, but by the look on his face, you guessed Alec was thinking more about how this new you was just as great a kisser as the old you.

Typical, you thought.

Even so, your dinner was left forgotten on the coffee table as Alec eventually pulled you into his arms and led you back to the bedroom.

Despite Alec's lead, he wasn't that much closer to solving the case.

You were getting rather antsy.

What Alec failed to realize was that you had made a life for yourself in Hightown. Yes, in some respects, it was little more than a half-life. But it was still something -- more than you'd had in Broadchurch in the last few months you'd been able to stand living there, at the very least.

You couldn't stand how much you missed it.

Which is what inspired you to do something that was probably exceptionally stupid.

You remembered where your dealer had operated back when you still lived in Broadchurch -- which was something you hadn't been able to say prior to the attack. After, however, you just wanted to forget anything had ever happened, and, well, illicit drugs were pretty great for that.

You scaled the fence and made your way into the dilapidated building, keeping a watchful eye out for cops.

There weren't any, so you continued deeper into the building, until you reached the stairs leading down to the boiler room.

On one hand, you had the presence of mind to think that maybe you were about to walk into a horror movie -- but on the other, you needed something to take the edge off.

You were about to climb down when suddenly you felt a hand wrap around your wrist.

And you screamed.

"Jesus, ye've got some lungs," Alec groused beside you.

"You!" you yelped, yanking out of his grip. "The hell are you doing here, Alec?"

"I could ask ye the same thing!" he barked back, motioning around. "This place is -- are ye asking to be murdered?"

"No, I'm asking for heroin," you replied, deadpan.

"I'm gonna pretend ye didn't say that," he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. "C'mon, we're leavin'."

"I'm not going anywhere, actually."

"I swear to God," he hissed, grabbing your wrist again and pulling you towards him.

"Hey," you whimpered as pain shot down your arm. "You're hurting me. Alec --"

You were cut off by two beams of light entering your field of vision. Desperately, you tried pulling out of Alec's grasp, but his hand was locked around you tightly.

"Alec -- Alec, let me go -- Alec --"

He stood there as the lights got closer, and soon there were two cops standing in front of you.

They asked questions, none of which you could answer without incriminating yourself; unfortunately, not answering them incriminated you too.

You were under arrest -- that much was indisputable.

The cops turned their attention to Alec, who definitely talked like a cop and carried himself like a cop, and yet, in the end, had forgotten his badge.

It was very lucky for you specifically that these two were rookie beat cops who had no idea who their DI was, because it meant that Alec got arrested too.

The two of you were cuffed together and escorted to the cops' car, and you smiled the whole way.

"Do you know how embarrassing it is for you," Alec's partner was saying as Alec was let out of the cell, "that I had to come bust you out?"

Alec was grumbling under his breath.

Ellie's attention turned to you.

"And who's this?" she asked.

Alec turned to look at you, too. "She's..." Ellie gave him a prompting look and he sighed. "She's the witness."

"Oh... and why's she in the cell?"

"She was trying to buy drugs!"

You piped up, "I never confirmed that to the arresting officer."

"What else could you have possibly been doin' there?"

"We haven't talked in years, Alec, maybe I took up exploring abandoned buildings."

"Which is also illegal."

"Wait, is it?" you asked, sitting up and blinking rapidly.

"Yes," he groaned, rubbing his temples.

"Should I let her out?" Ellie asked, throwing you a curious look.

"No," he responded. "Let her stay the night. Maybe then she'll learn to behave."

"I'm not a dog," you growled.

"Yeah, well, maybe you'll convince me when ye stop actin' like a feral mutt."

With that, he and Ellie walked away, leaving you alone.

You awoke in the night to the sound of your cell being opened. Blinking blearily, you yawned and stretched. Moving to a stand, you whimpered tiredly, "I knew you'd come back --"

Whoever was approaching you quickly in the dark was definitely not Alec. You knew that even before he kicked you into the wall.

You yelped as your head hit the bricks, but you didn't have enough time to really process as a hand grabbed you by the throat and threw you to the ground.

"Stop --" you wheezed, but the hand returning to your throat cut off anything else you were about to say.

Powerful legs straddled you, keeping you pinned and unable to kick him off.

You weren't weak, by any means, but you weren't sure you had enough strength in your arms to fight him off. Still, you had to try. Hands scrabbled at his hands and arms, nails digging in and trying to do as much damage as you could -- certainly trying to get him to lose his grip.

Darkness was closing in on the edges of your vision, prompting you to fight harder, more desperately, anything to get you out from under the weight of your would-be murderer.

Finally -- something worked. You weren't sure if it was your nails digging into his elbows or maybe the punch you landed to what felt like his ear -- ultimately, it didn't matter. You had an opening and you took it, clawing your way out from under him and making a mad dash out of the cell.

Later, you realized you should've closed the door and taken the key, but at the time you just wanted to get far, far away.

And that's what you did, legs not stopping until you reached Alec's house. Then, the adrenaline drained and you collapsed. Your sobs woke him up.

"So he's one of ours," Ellie concluded, after Alec made you tell her what had happened.

Alec nodded, then turned to you. "If ye saw him, would ye be able to tell us?"

You shrugged, rubbing at your still tender throat. "Maybe. It's been a few years, and I didn't see him last night when he attacked me in the cell, so I didn't get a refresher or anything."

"That's still better than nothing," Alec said reassuringly.

Ellie nodded in agreement. "I'll arrange something at the office," she said, getting up and saying her goodbyes quickly.

Once she was gone, Alec came to sit down beside you and pulled you close to him, pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left ye alone."

"You couldn't have known."

"No, but ye shouldn't have been alone anyway."

You shrugged, but didn't pull away from his embrace.

It was later that day that you and Alec were called to the office, under the pretense of filling out release forms for you.

Alec's hand never left your waist as he ushered you through and to Ellie's desk, where you were given a seat and a cup of cold water.

"Take your time," Ellie said, her eyes darting around. "We need you to be sure."

You nodded and began mindlessly filling out whatever forms they put in front of you -- you noticed it wasn't even a release form. The first one was to claim an impounded car. And then Ellie slipped you an animal license form.

You filled them out, anyway, as it was something to do while you were also trying to pinpoint a murderer.

You'd been there for a few hours when you finally saw him.

It had been a few years, but it was surprising just how sharp the image of your attacker became when confronted with his presence. You were struck with panic, but you forced yourself to write on your property inheritance claim form so that Ellie could see -- big guy, 3 oclock, brown hair green eyes, about 6ft tall.

She took the form and gave you a curt nod. "That'll be all we need from you," she said with a smile. "Stay out of trouble now."

Alec wandered over then, saw the note you'd written, and immediately moved to confront the officer.

Arresting him was a bit of an affair, but in the end he relented and, in the interrogation room, confessed.

Alec had been right.

You felt a freedom you hadn't before, once your attacker was thrown behind bars.

You stood outside the police station, leaning against a rail, wind whipping your hair about wildly, the sun setting painting the sky and ocean in brilliant pinks and oranges. It was the most serene you'd felt in years.

"Will you stay?" Alec's voice sounded from behind you. A moment later, he joined you, leaning against the railing beside you.

"No," you answered, looking out over the ocean.

"I'd like you to," he said sadly. "I've missed you... so much. And now that your attacker is in jail --"

"My life isn't here anymore, Alec. It hasn't been for years."

"It could be, though, couldn't it?"

"No," you answered sadly, but honestly. "It can't. I don't want my life to be here."

He turned to face you, and you did the same with a sigh.

"Please, darlin'."

You cupped his face with a hand, then guided him down so that you could kiss him gently. You could tell as you pulled away that he didn't want to part from you.

"I'll always love you," you told him. "And I'll always be grateful that we put that bastard away. But I... I've moved on. You need to too."

He didn't answer you -- well, not verbally. The desperate kiss he pulled you into was answer enough, though.

I don't want to move on.

"Goodbye, Alec."

With that, you walked away, and you didn't look back.

[dr-spencer-reids-queen]

Haunted: Part Two

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~1.5k

Summary: This is Hotch's first case back since being stabbed by Foyet. As much as he says he's fine, he's not and he's letting his emotions affect the case in a negative way.

Warnings: canon violence, canon language, canon talk of death, methods of kill

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Criminal Minds. All credit goes to their respective owners. If there are any warnings that exceed the normal death/kills from the show, I will list them.

x

With a quick search, Penelope finds out that Darrin's state-appointed psychiatrist is Charles Cipolla. If Darrin can't get his medicine at the pharmacy then he's going to pay a visit to the one person who can prescribe him more. You three rush over to his office but you're too late. Rossi and Emily are already here along with the local police because not only is Charles dead, but another one of his patients is.

The same ripped-apart energy is all over the office. Darrin was definitely here and killed both of these men.

"His energy is falling apart faster. Soon, he's going to be killing left and right regardless if they touch him or not."

"Why can't you find him?" Hotch snaps at you.

You open your mouth to snap something back at him when Derek stops you. He knows what you're going to say so he steps in to prevent you from getting in trouble.

"She is. We all are."

Hotch scoffs and stalks off angrily. You decide to give him some time to cool off and address the mess inside instead.

"He cleaned up and changed his clothes," Lieutenant Kevin Mitchell says and holds up the bloody clothes with gloved hands. The psychiatrist's clothes are also missing which means Darrin is wearing them. "He could have dyed his hair for all I know."

"He's suffering from a psychotic break. He's not dodging us on purpose."

"If he was psychotic, why would his doctor take him off the drugs?"

"Call didn't have any history of violent behavior. Cipolla couldn't predict that would happen," Rossi says.

"Look at this place. It's a mess but it looks like Call was looking for something."

"Yeah, the drugs," Kevin scoffs.

"No, the doctor never keeps the drugs in their offices. The scrip pad is still on the desk. My guess is he came here for help."

Derek looks through the files in the cabinets but can't find Darrin's.

"His file is missing." Penelope calls Derek and he puts her on speakerphone. "Yeah, baby girl, what's going on?"

"Where's Hotch? He's not answering."

"He's outside. He's doing alright. What's up?"

"A mystery."

"Come on, not today Garcia."

"I know. Here's the deal. When I missed the antipsychotics--"

"Listen to me. That was not your fault."

"You are ever my champion, sugar, but I believe it was. Anyway, when I did that, I went back to the beginning except there is no beginning."

"What are you talking about?" you ask.

"Darrin Call didn't exist like from 1969 to 1975. There's no birth certificate, no social security, and no identity. Nothing until he was six years old."

"Was he abandoned?"

"My least three favorite words strung together... I don't know. My guess is neither does he." Rossi leaves to grab Hotch so he can hear what Penelope has to say. She does more research into Darrin that might tell her what happened to him in his early years. "On May 1, 1975, a six-year-old Darrin Call was found roaming in the middle of nowhere and was picked up. He was in state care for the first few months."

"Did he tell the cops what happened?"

"No, because he didn't talk, not for over a year. Once he started talking, he only knew his life as Darrin Call."

"That's awful," JJ sighs.

"So is this. Little Darrin was never claimed."

"Maybe he wasn't from the area. There wasn't a thriving missing children's network in 1975."

"Call is wearing Cipolla's clothing. I don't know if he's lucid or not, but he is definitely freaked out. Either way, we should update the public," Derek says to JJ.

"What is this?" the Lieutenant asks at the piece of paper JJ has.

"Call's timeline."

"He left Louisville?"

"Three times, but he always came back to the same ten-block radius."

"Why?"

"Victims are often drawn to the scene of their first trauma. Part of him wanted to escape. The other part probably struggled to find answers."

"Was he hospitalized?" Hotch asks.

"For two years starting in 1885."

"And again in '95 for a few months," Penelope adds. "For both times, he stayed at the state facility in Fayette County."

"You know he doesn't drive. Do you think he'd walk all the way out there?" Kevin asks.

"He's desperate. I think he'll find a way."

"I'll tell the sheriff in Fayette," the Lieutenant says and walks away.

"When did he start the prescriptions, Garcia?"

"In 1977 and it looks like he tried them all. I've got a list. Alphabetically, Alprazolam, Clonazepam, Diazepam--"

"Just send it."

"Yes, sir."

"His doctor weaned him off the prescription for a reason. Now, that's a big risk so the reward must have been greater."

"He needs the truth. Maybe he stopped taking the prescription on his own. He's looking for answers. He's got his file so the answers are in there."

"We need to catch up before he kills someone else."

You continue to do research with the team back at the police station. Penelope is on speakerphone with everyone trying to help.

"I found some records from child services that have him extremely physically abused. No signs of sexual assault, though."

"That's a miracle."

"Either way, the trauma was debilitating. Was he running from an abusive home or an abduction?"

"Wouldn't there be a paper trail if it were a kidnapping?" Lieutenant Mitchell asks.

"Garcia, look for unsolved missing children's cases from the 1970s."

"Okay, there's a case in Hollow Creek. The kids were dead though and were found in pieces."

"When was this?"

"'75. Nobody talks about it because they never found the guy. Do you think Call walked away from there?"

"It's possible. Garcia, send me everything."

"Done."

Can you find the case file?" Hotch asks the Lieutenant.

"I'll do what I can."

The Lieutenant leaves and returns twenty minutes later with two boxes full of stuff on the Hollow Creek case. Spencer reaches into the first box and grabs several files.

"Is there a suspect list?" JJ asks.

"It's in there somewhere."

"He was known as the Hollow Creek killer. Three bodies were found with some being never identified. There's a survivor. It's not Call, it was a 12-year-old boy named Tommy Phillips. His parents said he was missing for two weeks and came back a different kid."

"Of course, he did. Can you blame him?"

"Let's see. The family left Louisville after Tommy told police where to find the bodies. He also said the suspect was a white man in his thirties and drove a red pickup truck."

"We need to find Tommy."

"He'd be forty-six now. His parents probably changed his name and got as far away as possible."

"Garcia can find him," Hotch says with faith. "Garcia, send everything you can find on Tommy Phillips."

"Yes, sir."

"The stock boy's blade is what set him off in the pharmacy. If this is what Call's been running from, it's no wonder he's blocked it out," JJ says as she watches the footage again.

"Since he's clean now, there's no medication to block his memories and he wants answers. Where would he go?"

"To what he knows."

"He doesn't know anything. That's the problem."

"He's beginning to. He became Darrin Call at the Sterner Orphanage. I say we start there," you suggest.

You, Hotch, Emily, and the Lieutenant go over to the orphanage to see the local police already there. Darrin did come here looking for answers but ended up stabbing the woman in charge of the place. He also kidnapped a child which he hadn't done before. Derek talks to a witness who is across the street, Hotch immediately talks to the woman who was stabbed, and you study the energy. It's like it gets more unhinged the more you look at it. This kind of energy compared to the one you found at the pharmacy is way different. Both are falling apart but the one at the pharmacy is more put together than the one you see here.

"He called the boy Tommy," Hotch says after he returns from talking to the woman.

"Is that what set him off?" you ask.

"She thought it was his reflection. Whoever hurt him years ago might have been the same age he is now. He might have seen the similarity."

"What about the boy?" Rossi asks Hotch.

"His real name is Ryan. She said he was quiet and submissive."

"Is Morgan getting anything out of the other witness?"

"Not yet."

"A minivan was stolen one block from here. Call's never driven in his life. Do you think he's still not running from us?" the Lieutenant asks.

"Which way?"

"Eastbound. I got roadblocks set up everywhere. He's not getting out of this county."

"You're wasting your time," Hotch objects.

"He's outnumbered. Do you think he's gonna just disappear?"

"I think he took the boy for a reason."

"I don't care why he took him--"

"You should. Call's memory is no longer suppressed. He's reinventing his past, and unless we understand how, we're not gonna find either of them."

"I agree with Hotch," you back him up.

"I'm not gonna just sit around and speculate."

"I'm not asking you to."

"You don't think we should chase him either?" the Lieutenant asks Rossi.

"We need to get ahead of Call." The Lieutenant scoffs and leaves pissed. Emily and Rossi don't seem confident about Hotch's decision. "Hotch, a kid's missing."

"They don't need the extra manpower."

"Since when?"

"If we'd studied Foyet's initial crimes, we would have known that a survivor didn't make sense."

You sigh when he mentions Foyet. This man is obsessed with him and it won't get any better until he is apprehended. Foyet is the only reason why he can't see his own family.

"What does he have to do with this?" Emily asks carefully.

"All we had to do was stop and look at Foyet's history. We didn't and we lost two couples and a bus full of people. I'm not making that mistake again."

Hotch walks off and you address your two coworkers.

"Hotch isn't well. He's not doing okay even if he says he is."

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