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that-bi-bitch-writes · 4 years ago

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A Cursed Reality- JJK x Male Reader (Ch. 3)

This has a couple time skips. They aren't huge and I didn't know how to format it so I just put little dashes to imply there are time skips.

A lot of this material is taken straight from the manga and adapted a little to fit [Name] and there's a hint to his greater power/purpose in the story as well as his background. Enjoy!!!

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Chapter Three: In hindsight [Name] probably should’ve minded his own business. Actually, NO. He was going to blame everything on Gojo. If Gojo hadn’t sent him on that mission to play dutiful senpai [Name] never would’ve gotten involved with Sukuna’s vessel beyond being his upperclassman. But noooo. Now [Name] actually feels something for Itadori, including an obligation to check on the kid. Yuji would most likely be fine, he was being protected by Gojo, and like [Name]’s favorite Sensei, Yaga seems to at least consider Gojo’s opinion when making decisions. His power is well respected regardless of whether or not the blue-eyed Sorcerer is liked. The problem, in [Name]’s own words, was ‘that damn principal’ who liked to torture some of the more problematic recruits. Yaga of course called it a form of vetting. He didn’t want to enroll any students that would die way too easily or cause more problems than they were worth. With people like Yuji and [Name] the whole vetting process became troublesome. Straightforward but complex. They didn’t hide anything really and didn’t have any secret motives, but there were a lot of unknowns in their lives. Especially about where they came from and how they would act in the heat of the moments. ---------------- “Whoa! It’s in the mountains? Is this really Tokyo?” “This isn;t actually out of the ordinary for a tokyo suburb” “What about Fushiguro?” “He’s fast asleep after receiving jujutsu treatment” -------------------------------- “Fushiguro-kun!” “Hmm” “Fushiguro!” “[Name]-senpai” “Where is Gojo-sensei? Is he back with Yuji yet?” “I’ve been asleep, but Gojo-sensei said he’d leave at 6am” “That was three hours ago” “Yeah” “Good! So they haven’t made it to the principal yet. Sweet dreams Fushiguro-kun” “I’ll come with you” “You’ll need your rest” “But-” “Sleep” and with that [Name] darted out the door hearing Megumi’s body hit the mattress once again. [Name] had to warn Yuji about the principal. Knowing Gojo he’d probably stress the kid out and throw him to the gorilla. Yaga of course being the gorilla. ------------------------------------------- “First thing’s first, Yuji--” Gojo started “You’ve got an interview with the principal.” “The principal?” “If you mess up, you might get rejected for admission, so stay frosty, okay?” “WHAT!? DOES THAT MEAN I CAN GET EXECUTED RIGHT AWAY? Yuji shrieked “What a disappointment... I thought you were the leader… A hierarchy not based purely on strength is boring if you ask me” Sukuna raged on before being slapped into silence. “Sorry Sensei, He comes out sometimes….” “What an interesting body you have now.” Gojo noticed “I owe you a debt, after all” “Not again” Yuji shouted Sukuna ignored Yuji and continued “When I make this Kid’s body mine… You’ll be the first one I kill!” “Silence” “Me a target of the great sukuna? What an honor!” Gojo continued as if nothing had happened Sukuna hadn’t disappeared yet but couldn’t open his mouth. [Name]’s cursed command had a little more strength in it than normal. Gojo may have been immature, unfairly attractive (something that pissed [Name] off for reasons “unrelated” to jealousy) and extremely annoying, but he was the closest thing [Name] had to family. He was there to drag [Name] from out of the wreckage after the accident and he was the first person to welcome [Name] to Jujutsu Tech. So yeah, Sukuna’s threat pissed [Name] off a bit. Yuji finally shook Sukuna off and continued to talk to Gojo. About what [Name] has no clue, the two of them were easily excitable and all over the place. In the meantime he was trying to think of advice to give to Yuji before he was thrown into Gorilla territory. Yaga wouldn’t let [Name] stay for the interview and [Name]’s not exactly sure he’d want to anyway. “Hey Puppy!” “Puppy?” ‘Oh shit’ [Name] thought ‘I totally meant to say Yuji. Okay [Name] just breeze past it’

“You’re going into some dangerous territories/ That old man will be looking for a reason to throw you out. Don’t screw up. Just be yourself... but like the you on ADHD meds” Gojo couldn’t help but snicker and [Name] shot him a look as if to communicate ‘the same can be said about you Satoru’ before walking away. “Thanks [Name]-san!” Yuji called after the retreating boy. He then became incredibly serious “Sensei. You said you’d win. But between [Name] and Sukuna… would he lose?” “I don’t know if he’d win” Gojo said before a pregnant pause “But he wouldn’t die. I know that for sure.” Within Yuji, Sukuna hummed in curiosity. That boy had no trouble overpowering Sukuna. And with one word at that. Of course, right now he had only the strength of one finger, but for the boy not to break a sweat. He couldn’t help but think things were getting interesting. ----------------------- “This is your room, you can do whatever you want with it.” “Whoa it’s huge” “The second- and third-years are out right now. You’ll meet them soon enough. Though there’s not many of them anyway” Yuji whistled, putting up a poster of a woman in a bikini before pausing. “What about [Name]? He asked “Is he out too?" “I actually don’t know. It depends. You see [Name] has a very special relationship with the other second years and sometimes that means trouble for missions, so it’s a 50/50 chance on whether or not he’s still here” Yuji hmmed and Gojo stared at him in silence. “Yuji you don’t need to fight, you know. Fushiguro and I can go and retrieve Sukuna’s fingers. Why don’t you just wait here?” Yuji faced the wall and seemed to be immersed in thought. In all honesty both he and Gojo knew what the answer would be. Only one day was needed to figure out the type of person Yuji was. “No! I said I’d do it didn’t I? But it would be hilarious to see a beaten-up Fushiguro bring the fingers to me while I relax” Both he and gojo thought about it a little. Gojo agreed it would be funny. “Okay! To be honest there’s no way you’re not fighting” “Hey! Was that a test?!” “If they were that easy to find we would’ve found them already! There are some with a large overwhelming presence. Others that keep quiet. And some that have already been consumed by a cursed spirit. “With regard to searching for these things… It’s gonna be a pain. But now we have you. In order to regain its power… The sukuna you consumed will direct you to the whereabouts of the fingers. You’re a vessel as well as a radar. We’re gonna need you in the field” “I don’t think the guy inside me’s that considerate...” “I think we’ll be able to come to a win-win agreement” Gojo concluded “Huh you’re next door? There’re a bunch of empty rooms aren’t there?” “Hey! Fushiguro! You finally look better! And [Name]’s with you” “What kind of an upperclassman would I be if I didn’t check on the first years. It’s my responsibility to make sure you’re all happy and healthy” [Name] said trying to keep up some charade of being a good student. “You woke me up very aggressively” Fushiguro countered “That’s neither here nor there” “I thought it’d be more fun and lively this way. And obviously I was right” Gojo answered Fushiguro’s question pointing to an oblivious Yuji who was looking at [Name] with pure adoration in his eyes. [Name] looked at the pink haired boy with well hidden fondness. If you didn’t already know [Name], you’d think the blank look on his face meant he hated the kid Fushiguro stared at them for a moment before realizing he’d rather argue than let Gojo be right. “Classes and missions are more than enough!” “Anyway… It’s fine!!! More importantly we’re goin’ out tomorrow!!” Both Yuji and Megumi stared at Gojo. Yuji in surprise, Fushiguro in annoyance “We’re going to get the third first-year student. “Count me out” [Name] spoke up reminding everyone that he too was still there “I’ve got somewhere to be” “Ooh [Name] has a daate” “Can it old man. I’m just going somewhere with Toge” “How is that any different from what I just said”

[Name] ignored the teacher and stalked off toward the second year dorms. “See you later puppy, emo kid”

“Wait for me!” Gojo called out chasing after the second year “I’ve got something to talk to you about”

----------

“So who’s Toge?”

“Inumaki-senpai’s a second year and the one of the only people [Name] likes in this school. I can count them all on one hand.”

-----------------------------

“So,” [Name] paused “What did you want to talk about?”

“Yuji’s at risk. I can tell you kinda care about him and Megumi so I’m going to use that. When I’m gone you have to protect them. Any means necessary. That includes cursed storytelling”

[Name]’s eyes widened at the mention of his technique. The power itself wasn’t as strong as a domain, but in [Name]’s hands it was deadly. Only he and Gojo knew about it, and if Gojo wanted him to use it, he had no choice.”

“Okay”

#male reader #x male reader #male reader insert #reader insert #a cursed reality #jjk x male reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen x male reader #jjk x m!reader #male!reader #jujutsu kaisen #inumaki x you #that bi bitch writes

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citygirlinschool · 3 years ago

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Breaking Bad

Read it on Ao3

Original bingo

“Are you sure you don’t want to come?”

“I have got two research papers pending, I am falling behind on my thesis and I have to submit Mr D’s essay on Monday. So yes, I am not coming.” Frank resisted the urge to physically pick up the boy from his bed and throw him out.

He could if he wanted to. Leo was a tiny slip of a thing, all wild curls and ADHD. And gods did the boy tempt him to do some serious bodily harm to him.

“Come on man you haven’t come to a single party since well... ever. This one is supposed to be real rager.”

With a jerked motion he stood up from his desk, threw his door open and marched towards the kitchen.

“Is that supposed to be a No?” There was ruffling of sheets and Oh my Gods he was wearing shoes the whole time.

His eyes twitched and he slammed the glass on the counter with more force than necessary. A drink, that’s what he needs.

“Mixed signals buddy.” And there he was in all his flannel glory, and those hideous pun t-shirt (Never trust an atom, they make up everything). Never would he have guessed the devil would be a elf in science pun t-shirts.

“No, Valdez. I am not coming to your rager party.” He made towards the refrigerator.

“Whatever man your loss.”

There was an audible slam of the door as the fridge door fell of it’s hinges and over a startled Frank, followed by a crash of food spilling on to the floor.

“LEO!”

“So, what was it this time?”

“He broke the fridge.” Frank stabbed his food gloomily.

“And?” Percy waved a ketchup covered fry.

“He fixed the AC.” Frank mumbled.

“That’s good right?”

“After he broke it.” He snorted.

Percy was in the year above him. Swim team captain and marine biology major. They met by accident and hit it off immediately.

They made it a point to meet in the dinner near the college campus once a week, or when they could.

“What else?” he drawled lazily, and Frank would feel guilty about turning all these meetings into venting sessions, except Percy wasn’t the type to entertain people just because it’s polite, so he probably didn’t mind.

“He brought someone back to the dorm. Again. Some blondie, Maria. This is the third this month. And it’s distracting, and I have told him clearly to bring someone when I am gone… How does he even land these many?”

“He is kinda cute?” Percy shrugged.

Frank pulled a face. “He has a horrible track record. Can you believe he flirted with Ms Grace?”

“To be fair he flirts with everybody. I don’t think it counts.”

“Still. That’s the Thalia Grace.”

“Touché. Talked to the Dean?”

“Jason said, only Octavian is vacant. And that guy is… creepy.”

Percy nodded solemnly. “Heard he guts plush toys to some cult god he worships.”

Frank looked at him wide eyes, and just like that Leo was forgotten.

At least until he reached back to his dorm.

“Frankie! You are back.” Leo flashed him his infuriating smirk that he knows gets on his every nerves. “Hazel was just leaving.” And that asshole turns to her, “Until you changed your mind and decided to stay.”

He flirts with everybody; it doesn’t mean anything. Percy’s voice echoed warningly in his mind.

Hazel flushes, and looks down. Those flawless curls hiding reddened cheeks. “Thanks for the offer but I can’t stay past curfew.”

“Aw.” Leo leans forward, “That’s not a no.” he wiggled his eyebrows. “Don’t be stickler for rules, get that enough from Frankie boo here.”

This time Frank’s cheeks heat up. “Leo.” He hopes he would stop.

“Fine, Fine. Goodnight, Hazel.”

“Bye, Leo.” She presses her books to her chest, and Frank shuffles hurriedly to the side as Hazel moves past him.

He slams the door once Hazel is past.

“So,” Leo straightens from where he was leaning against the wall. “Somebody has got a crush.”

“Don’t.”

“Cant blame you, she is a real looker.”

“Oh, come on, don’t play.” He stalks back towards his room, his back toward the Latino. “You already knew that.”

“I did?” there it is again, the annoying mocking tone he didn’t bother dignifying with a reply. But that didn’t deter Leo from barging in his room behind him either.

“I mean, were all those lectures ignored in the favour of staring at the back of her head, and doodling H+F in the back of your notebook, did give me an inclination but thought they stood for Himbo plus- “

“Shut up, asshole.” He whirled around. “You know I freaking liked her.” He stalked towards him.

“Oh yeah like how you knew my Chatelier’s experiment made twelve percent of my grade?”

“I apologized for it.” He spit back in his face, grabbing his forearms.

“That doesn’t make up for it, jerk.” He hissed back.

Blood roared in his veins, drowning out any further jabbing remarks from the squirming boy in his arms.

Gods the things he would do to shut him up.

“-and would you please let me go, I am pretty sure this counts as phys- Mmph! ”

He kissed him. That annoying fucking mouth, with those pretty fucking lips. He bit on his lips tugging at them, pressing that tiny body against his.

He kissed him. Fuck.

Frank stumbled back in horror. “Shit I am sorry, I didn’t- “

“Oh no.” Leo lunged at him, and he stumbled back in surprise, catching his hips. “You would be sorry when I am done with you.”

Harsh demanding lips pressed against him, a sharp nip and the metallic tang of blood spilled on his tongue, making him curse.

The heels of Leo’s feet dug in his back, “Bed, bed, bed!” He panted, slim but strong fingers tugging at his hair painfully, tilting it back. He grabbed his lips in another kiss that had his dick aching in his pants.

Frank stumbled blindly towards his twin bed, his hands groping the Latino’s ass, as they both fell on the congested bed in tangle of limbs.

Leo’s hand left his hair and trailed over his collar, clever fingers making a quick job of his shirt, hips shamelessly grinding in his abdomen.

“Come on, man, get naked.” He ran his fingers over his chest, tweaking his nipples.

“Leo.” He pulled back, “Aren’t we going a bit fast.”

Leo’s lips pulled back in a condescending sneer, “You sure you wanna be a cock blocker.”

His hand snaked down to the bulge in his pants, and he involuntarily humped forward into the pressure. “I already hate you enough.”

That was a reminder enough. The clothes were gotten rid of in a flurry of uncoordinated limbs, and broken buttons, until a very naked Frank, had a very naked Leo in his lap.

He dug his teeth into the hollow of his collar bones, and Leo hissed, but didn’t stop the wild rhythm of his hips. Frank’s hand squeezed the ample flesh in his hands and parting them.

The head of his cock slipped between them, sliding over the fuzzy hole.

Leo’s hips stuttered, and he exhaled shakily, fingers digging in his shoulders hard enough that Frank knew they would leave welts.

“Lube? Tell me you have lube” his voice was so deep; it had his cock twitching.

“Top drawer, in the back.” He mumbled, leaning back until he was laying down as Leo stretched over him, searching his drawer.

He couldn’t help but mouth over his well formed abdomen, for his deceptively short stature he was strong. Lithe muscles and surprisingly broad shoulders.

Fuck he hated him so much.

There was a click of lube opening, as Leo pulled back, his fingers dripping with lube.

He leaned forward, one hand beside his head while he reached behind him.

Frank knew the exact moment Leo’s fingers breached him. His eyebrows furrowed, jaw clenched and his breathing became a tad bit heavier.

He reached up, pressing a sweet almost a innocent kiss against his lips, and for a moment Leo let him.

“Let me do it.”

And just like that Leo pulled away.

His weeping cock bobbed proudly between his supple thighs, his dusky nipple looked raw and abused, there was a myriad of hickies littering his chest and his hair was wilder than usual.

Yet, that jerk had the audacity to smirk mockingly at him.

“Not your girlfriend, Zhang. So don’t treat me like it.” he must have done something inside him cause his eyes fluttered for a moment. “Besides- Ah” his back arched, “we are doing this by-mmh- my rules, cause clearly you are as clueless in this-Ah!”

“What is your problem.” Frank had jostled his fingers out of him as he flipped them over. “I am just trying to be nice.” He snarled.

“No what you’re trying to do.” A lube covered finger smeared across his neck, “is fucking coddle me.” He spat.

“I am not coddling you.” He glared indignantly at the infuriating boy underneath him.

“Oh yeah? What is this? Fucking me? Please, you are not even in me.” He sneered mockingly.

“I am- I don’t –” Leo mercifully cut his spluttering off with a kiss.

“God I didn’t know I had to just spread my legs to get underneath your skin.”

He would have tried replying, except Leo had wrapped his lubed up hand around his dick, slicking it up with quick efficient strokes, and Frank had been so painfully hard all this time all he could do was helplessly jerk forward into the warm wet hole, until Leo tightened his grip. “Don’t come.” He warned, as he guided him to his stretched hole.

Frank to his dying day would deny the sound he emitted when his head slipped in.

A loud unashamed sound, as his head dropped onto Leo’s shoulder, as he panted harshly. Leo was tighter and hotter then anything he had ever felt before. And so deliciously soft.

He wouldn’t have been able to stop the unrelenting rolls of his hips as he pushed deeper if he wanted to.

Like he had no control over his hips, he pushed in inch after inch, as Leo’s back arched off the bed until Frank bottomed out.

For a moment Frank could just lay still and shiver so as to not bust a nut, Leo as so tight around him, it was probably painful for him.

“Move, move, move, jackass.” Or maybe not.

“Oh, gods fuck me, or I am gonna fuck up your laptop and not repair- Oh yesss!” Leo’s eyes rolled back in his head, as Frank pulled out almost all the way and then pushing in rapidly.

“Why can’t you shut up for a moment.” Frank picked up his pace. “For once –mmh” his nipped at his ear, “just shut up- ah fuck- and moan.”

“Maybe- mmph- Maybe if you put all that beef - oh Dios- and man boobs (he gripped said boobs) to use than I will.”

Frank dug his teeth right below his ears, just shy of tearing skin, but definitely marring the skin, as he readjusted his grip, hooking his hands underneath his knees and practically folding the twink (because that’s what Leo fucking Valdez is and Frank is tired of lying) in half.

He must have hit his prostrate with the deeper angle cause Leo made a he- would- never- admit- it- but- adorable high-pitched sound, his hands flying between his legs, except Frank slapped it away and wrapped his own hand around his flushed, almost painfully purple cock.

Much to his pleasure Leo hooked his own hand underneath his knees, holding himself open.

“Didn’t know” he panted, “all it took was a good dicking down to shut you up.”

Leo’s eyes opened up to slits, in what he thinks is a glare, but it is hard to take him seriously on good days, even harder with his cock stupid bambi eyes, and drool covered chin.

Fuck! This is the hottest thing ever and Frank hates him so much.

Frank lost his carefully maintained rhythm, finally rutting in abandon. The bed creaked threateningly, the headboard banging fiercely with the force of his thrusts.

Paired with the slick sound of where Frank was jerking Leo off, slap of skin against skin and squelch of Frank fucking Leo, it sounded like a cheap porno.

Harsh breathing was littered with moans and litany of curses. There tongues ran sloppily against each other, Leo tweaked his nipples, clenching down on Frank as they both hurtled toward the peak like freight train.

The orgasm was a bang.

Literally.

In hindsight, two fully grown men fucking on a barely hanging on twin bed was not the wisest plan. But what can he say? Leo brings out the worst in him.

“Did it?” Frank muttered tiredly. All he wanted to do was sleep.

“Get off.” Leo’s voice was slurred and strained, “You are suffocating me. And you are sleeping on the couch.”

“What was it this time?”

“The bed.”

“Leo broke your bed?”

“Something like that.” Frank mumbled.

#percy jackon and the olympians #heroes of olympus #frank zhang #leo valdez #freo #kinktoberverse2021

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moving-blogs-dm-for-new-one · 4 years ago

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T*cc* Toby character and story redesign :D

Toby and his family moved across the states after the accident. They were moving to West Virginia, a more rural town surrounded by forest. He didn't want to be there, but he didn't have much of a choice. Really didn't help his mood when his father basically screamed at his mother for the entire three day trip. He was slumped in the back of the car, ticcing uncontrollably, one hour to go on the drive. He winced when his father yelled at him to shut up, sighing and trying to hold his vocal tics, again. Maybe he could make it until they reached the new house.

They reached the house, and he quietly helped unload the car, gently helping his mom climb out. Sighing, he patched her up quietly later in the bathroom, and let her cry on his shoulder, ticcing quietly.

For the next two and a half weeks of summer, Toby pretty much just laid in bed. He didn't have much energy or will to do anything. He would pull out his computer and play some games, but his father broke hit before their trip even began. He pulled out his old ipod from his 14th birthday, and laid back in bed, staring at the ceiling and looping the same playlist on shuffle endlessly to block out his father. Same old, same old.

When school started, he absolutely did not want to be there. His Tourette's was neigh uncontrollable, and he couldn't help but tic through every day. Of course, the other kids in class were horrible to him about it. He was bullied relentlessly, and was beat up on the first day of school, and many days after that. He went home, his mother patched him up, his father mocked him, and he went to lie in bed again. It went on like this for a few weeks. It was August second when his dad broke his mothers nose. They got into a fight and he slammed her head on the counter. Toby was furious, but he quietly patched her up, ignoring his father egging him on.

That night, he had sleep paralysis again for the first time in a month or two, but it was different this time. His eyes opened, and there was a being standing at the end of his bed. He couldn't tell who or what it is. Could have been his father if it wasn't so tall. They stared at each other for around three hours before Toby fell back asleep. He was afraid, yes. But not much bothered him since Lyra died.

He mourned her every day. He never stopped. His mother mourned in silence, afraid, and his father cursed him to move on, but he didn't. He was never one to pray, but he lit candles for her the way she used to, prayed to a god they'd both loved, Dionysus. He cried for her at night. She never left his mind. He missed his sister more than anything in the world. He had a small alter in the back of his closet so his Father wouldn't find it, candles, pictures of her, foods she loved and special items.

Over the course of the next few weeks, Toby began having hallucinations of the creature he saw. It was everywhere. It was in the reflections of mirrors and windows, across the school yard while he was being kicked, at the end of the street when he pulled down his blinds, and behind his eyelids every night when he tried to sleep. He couldn't understand why it was haunting him.

His mother noticed his extreme paranoia, depression, and unrelenting tics/tic attacks, and scheduled him for a meeting with a local psychiatrist. She talked him up for the whole drive, and he smiled and nodded, not wanting to be there but not wanting to further sadden or worry his mother. Her arm was in a sling today. It was bad enough she was driving him.

He met with the psych, sitting down in the office. She asked him how he'd been. He didn't know how to respond, but suddenly felt bitter.

"Fantastic. Obviously that's why mom brought me here."

"I'm sorry, Tobias. I thought I'd let you give your own input." He felt bad for a moment, before wincing at the usage of his full name, getting more frustrated. He hated this already.

"Don't call me that. It's Toby. I'm Toby." He was fighting his vocal tics as he spoke, but his physical tics were getting worse in response, and he saw her flinch and lean a bit further away in his chair. He felt a pang through his heart, immediately angry. But he wouldn't blow up. He wasn't him.

Then he saw the figure behind her.

He didn't even hear what she was saying. He just stared at it. For some reason for as much as he'd been seeing it, he'd never seen it in such clarity, and it was still fuzzing around the edges, almost as if it wasn't fully there. It towered over the back of her chair, slowly leaning down to him.

"Toby," It spoke, and he could barely comprehend its voice. It was garbled, layered, echoed over itself endlessly and buzzed and burned inside his ears. "I want to help you. Let me help you."

He screamed, grabbing a lamp off the side table next to him and whipping it at the creature. He heard the psych scream and froze, whipping his gaze to where she was holding her arms over her face, ceramic and glass sprawled on the floor behind her at the base of the wall. They made eye contact, and he felt sick. He didn't understand. He wanted to say sorry. He suddenly wanted to explain everything. He wanted to say he wasn't him. He wanted his mother. He wanted Lyra.

He passed out.

Toby awoke later in his room, still feeling sick. The lights were out, his room only illuminated by the moonlight casting in through the blinds and the yellow light seeping in from under his doorway. (tw heavy abuse and murder after this) He could hear his parents screaming downstairs. There was a smash, his mother was crying. He jolted upright, tics coming back harshly as he tried to quietly make his way to the top of the stairs, peering down. His father was screaming about him.

"We have to get rid of him, Evelyn," He screamed, furious. "He's a disaster. He's dangerous and annoying and he's a fucking nuisance anyways!! And now I owe that stupid fucking psychiatrist so much goddamn money!! What is wrong with you!!" His mother cowered away from him, shaking, but angry as well.

"We are NOT getting rid of our SON, Greg! He's just scared and sick!" Toby winced at the phrasing of "sick", but continued watching, listening. He felt static pulling at the edges of his vision, but ignored it, honing his eyes in on his father.

"He goes. Tonight, or tomorrow, your choice, Evelyn, but he's fucking going. He's young enough to get thrown at the orphanage." He took a large swig of beer, stumbling slightly, and Toby twitched, hands tightening so much on the railing bars he thought he might splinter them.

"No. He is not." His mother shook, standing up to him, fists clenched. He stopped, and both Toby and his mother held their breath.

"Excuse me?"

"He's not going. No."

The next few minutes were a blur. His mother was hurt, and hurt bad. She was crying, and his father was screaming at her. The living room was trashed. Toby ran down the stairs and his father heard, spinning around and screaming after him as he darted into the garage, heart thumping almost as loud as Greg's thundering footsteps. He found his fathers old hatchets in the back of the garage, his blood pumping in his ears. Everything was hazy and the static crept further into his vision.

"Let me help you."

He spun around, hatchets gripped tight in his hands as he shook and ticced. His father tore into the room, drunk and furious. He saw Toby bearing the hatchets and laughed deliriously.

"Now what are you gonna do with those, boy?" Toby almost blacked out at the name, screaming and sprinting forwards. A mass fight ensued, the two of them struggling against each other to gain headway, Toby's mother screaming in the background. Toby pinned him down. He spat curses and slurs and all kinds of horrible things about him, his mother, his sister, Lyra. He raised the hatchet, and brought it down on his skull. Blood sprayed and his mother distantly screamed in horror, but he didn't stop. Another swing, another, another, another, another. Tears poured down his face, but he didn't feel it, notice, or care. His arms stopped swinging. He looked up. His mother was holding his arms gently, but securely, the creature standing behind her, looming over the both of them. He was towering.

"Toby," She whispered. "That's enough. He's dead, love." He looked down, sniffling and ticcing, and he was.

She helped him up quietly, and he whimpered.

"Are you gonna turn me in?" She stared at him, then shook her head.

"You're my son. I'm not getting rid of you."

She cleaned him up quietly in the bathroom, and held him close as he cried, openly, for the first time in months. He clung to her, whimpering and ticcing and sobbing, and told her everything. She listened quietly, gently soothing him and brushing his hair. Eventually, she shushed him gently, making him look at her.

"We have to go, love. Quickly. You can tell me more once we're gone, okay?" He nodded, sniffling and taking her hand. They gathered their things, climbed into their car. She paused. Got back out. They lit the house together, and watched it burn for a moment. He felt the presence behind him, and saw his mother take his hand.

"Come on honey," She whispered. "Lets go."

They never looked back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Toby: (notes)

- 6'3", 17 years old, tall and broad. Always been heavier set and naturally slightly chubby, and decently strong.

- Has a nerve issue from birth where he can't feel a good 70% of his body, mostly the upper half and patches of the lower.

- Nonbinary (He/they/it), and pansexual. Gender dysphoric. Occasionally tucks and wears bras and other things sometimes.

- Has Tourette's, OCD, BPD, PTSD, Manic, ADHD, depression, s/icidal tendencies, struggles with compulsive sh, and has mild paranoid schizophrenia.

- Sees the Slenderman more than his mother, but she can see it on occasion. It doesn't hurt them. Guides them more or less. Helps Toby target similar individuals to his father.

- Stims a lot by cracking his knuckles, flapping his hands, tapping his foot and cracking his neck. (I also have a list of his tics!!)

- Loves his mother and Lyra so goddamn much

Evelyn: (notes)

- 43 years old, 5'2", small but definitely not frail. Will fuck you up if needed. Doesn't take shit anymore after leaving her husband. Also bisexual queen

- Huge soft spot for kids, and Toby. Loves Toby so much and lets him basically get away with everything (not that he uses this for any harm to her or those who don't deserve it)

- Knows Toby is a serial killer, assists him with some cleanup/travel/medical care/etc. Reminds him to take care of himself/cooks for him/helps drive him around/etc

- Takes up cooking and martial arts as hobbies

- Loves her son so so so much he's so stupid and crazy but she adores him and would do anything for him

- Do NOT fuck with power duo Evelyn and Tobias Rodgers they WILL destroy you

#creepypasta #cp ticci toby #ticci toby #toby rogers #tobias rogers #evelyn rodgers #cp toby #my writing #my universe #cloud talks #tw blood #tw abuse #tw abuse ment #tw murder

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flockofdoves · 5 years ago

Link

literally so grateful i just found this???? this has been a huge wall in front of me these past few days since realizing how much disordered eating over the past few months has affected me, having to start entirely reevaluating how i’ve been approaching my relationship with food in the name of not neglecting my chronic illness stuff and how that exact same attitude of trying to make myself better actually just made me fuck up my digestive tract by avoiding certain foods (and food in general bc theres so much its so overwhelming and also now i’m too nauseous and weak to have an appetite!) and by extension make my chronic illness worse. and then now reading about refeeding i was worried because so much refeeding stuff seems to recommend a lot of dairy products and i even before these last few months dairy hasn’t been good for me for over a year (although not just lactose i was thinking it was casein too but also like . lol idk maybe its just another one of the phenomena thats talked about here) and wasn’t sure how to balance that when avoidance of foods i see as triggers for health got me here in the first place and at this point literally anything is gonna be too much for my gut and i gotta tough through that

uhhhh turned into a rant/vent about things unrelated to the article under this

kinda distressing though tbh to think about what IBS even like . Means . lol like it does make sense to see it more as a small part of the bigger picture of all my stuff and how my nerves and shit or w/e are wired as someone labeled in contemporary times as/with autistic/adhd/ocd/schizo/anxiety/fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue and its comforting to see it more as a symptom of how i can easily get out of wack from there instead of just. eternally always bad (although i was getting okay with that too like i value parts of myself enough i could deal with that being reality without too much mourning beyond how i have no accommodation under capitalism. but still this is better than that even) but its weird finding ways of saying i don’t have to lean into it too much that don’t kinda just trigger me thinking about doctors/peers/etc whove more just saw me as a burden and didn’t care to listen to me before dismissing things as all in my head thus i was exaggerating and not deserving of compassion/care/etc. i know i don’t mean that towards myself but the nuance is a lot to deal with after so recently having that used to hurt me all over again and then in trying to take care of myself actually hurting myself worse. so that adds a weird layer to things i hope i won’t get a complex about lolol but also i guess thats cool i don’t have to beat myself up for not sticking to a fodmap free diet or deciding it wasn’t worth trying to see if i had a gluten intolerance because the food i’d be avoiding would make me more upset than any pain i deal with. like ... whoa.. i wasn’t actually being unreasonable or ridiculous when i thought that or being self destructive?? and i started considering otherwise when i now realize i was already dealing with ED symptom stuff so like . i can tolerate most foods i think at least some of the time??

really curious if i can regain my lactose tolerance considering i only starting being intolerant in the past year so it wasn’t a primary lactose intolerance thing maybe?? and i had some on and off symptoms of my current behaviors that lead to this that whole time so that’d be really cool actually lol i miss just being able to enjoy dairy products (and in retrospect my aversion to even tasting them even with lactaid pills or somethign definitely was liek...... disordered eating stuff lol)

also curious if my ED stuff had anything to do with my tremors or brain fog getting worse. i defintiely think at least somewhat like yeah. the timeframe makes sense. idk if thats the primary reason for those symptoms because i’ve had them at various points in my life in that combination but the recent upsurge in them and also the fact that most of those days were right after really bad nausea days and also how today i realized i was tremoring a lot in ways i directly associated with feeling weak because of trying to deal with ED related stuff i think that definitely will at least become less constant of a problem in getting over this. those are all symptoms i exhibit in various contexts with various physical and emotional pressures so i don’t think thats their only cause but i think that really does make me so much less worried about why the hell i’ve gotten so much worse so suddenly

scared about how long this will take i feel like i’ve only really had my eating become consistently disordered over the past couple months but idk i’ve had weird episodes for ages and if i really didn’t recognize this was even a problem til right this week idk if i’m thinking back accurately enough. its definitely worse in that period though bc my doctor 2 months ago (also wait... i guess that means its been even longer lol?? no way i lost that all in the couple weeks i really can look back and see my behavior as disordered before that appointment) remarked i lost like 15 pounds since my last visit 3 months ago (they also remarked like that was a good thing lol.) so i guess i’ll keep figuring that out its wild though reading that apparently just getting your stomach back to normal can take at least 2 months like it makes sense but like . jeez. hard to process that i did that and didn’t realize i’d like to think i’ve become so much more in tune with my body these past few years but i guess i’m not doing it the right way even if i’m glad i no longer just stay quiet and tough things out while suffering and dismissing it with no idea whats going on or why and feeling too ashamed and guilty to make it anyone elses problem and not pushing back when others dismiss the slightest thing i bring up. but yeah like i did a lot more than i thought i did with this but also i’m glad i caught it so early i feel almost too weird about saying i have an eating disorder like its like i acknowledged that this week and now i’m trying to recover so. thats good. idk i’ll see i’m sure i have a lot to learn and that kinda sucks i had enough to deal with already without this as a factor but!!!!

#cpost #ed -#disordered eating -#eating disorders -#food text -

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thehyperkraken · 6 years ago

Text

EDIT: yall idk why the actual fic isnt showing up in the tags but this shit is, bc thats literally the opposite of what i wanted, but for the love of god read the fic first and/or instead, that’s the thing i spent more than 20 minutes on: [link]

Hey random idea dump for that one fic i done did yeehaw... it’s almost longer than the fic itself but jesus christ i need to get these ideas out of my head and throw them into the internet ether, seriously don’t read this its a goddamn mess

So ghjkdf the actual plotty part of that fic came from that one b99 bit... the Bone one.....u kno

Arthur: Come on, Dutch. The O'Driscolls thing isn't the problem. You're in a bad mood because you've been so busy planning this heist that it's keeping you and Hosea apart. You two just need to bone. John: Oh no... Dutch: ...What did you say? John: Don't say it again! Arthur: I said you two need to bone. John: Oh my god... Dutch: (with barely contained fury) Hhhhhow Dare you Arthur Morgan, I am thIS GANG'S LEADER!!! You have NO RIGHT to comment on my sex life— (5 minutes later) Dutch, standing on top of a table screaming: BONE?!?!?! (10 minutes later) Dutch: What happens in my bedroom, son, is NONE of your business— (20 minutes later) Dutch, jumping up and down on the table: BOOOOOOONE!!!!!!!!! (40 minutes later) Dutch: And don't EVER speak to me like that AGAIN! (storms off) John, sunken down in his chair in horror: Why the hell did you do that? Arthur: (shrugs) They need to bone. John: Gross, Arthur! That's our dads!

And then like a day later gfdhkg

John: Oh hey Dutch! I know you don't want to talk about Hosea, BUT, I had an idea— Dutch: No need, John, it's all good. John: So... your fight with Hosea is over? Dutch: Yep. John: Because you finally figured out a plan for the heist...? Dutch: Nope! Arthur, excitedly: Because you guys—? Dutch: Yyyyep! Arthur, looking smug: Knew it. John: Ugh... Arthur: (leans down close to him) See, what happened is, our dads had sex— John: UGH, SHUT UP!

Another inspiration I had was John Mulaney’s bit about zoning out for John with adhd,,,,, the part where he’s like “the doctor was reading me the results of a blood test, it was IMPORTANT that I LISTENED, but NO, I zoned out, I was like, I’m just gonna stare at the wall and think m’thoughts” that’s why I wrote the part where John was like “ehhh attention deficient something something disease” bc it made me laugh gjhggdjh

Dutch: so the doctor says you have ADHD John: (thinking about minecraft) what?

Also unrelated but blease consider Arthur teaching John to drive like

Arthur: are you watching the road? John: ........I am looking through the windshield Arthur: John: .......and I’m not gonna hit anyone...... Arthur: John: ....but no. I’m thinkin’ about minecraft

(Also I don’t know anything about ssb I’ve played it once and hated it, minecraft is my og video game love, but Abigail beating John at ssb is funnier, I’m a fake gamer boy :^( rip)

ONE MORE INSPIRATION THAT ONE VINE ITS MY FAVORITE VINE

Arthur: are you drinking coke for breakfast? John: yeah, what did you have for breakfast? Arthur: ........nothing John: (sipping his drink) I’m doing better than you, then

Anyway onto ACTUAL IDEA STUFF HOORAY

So when Dutch and Hosea decided to adopt, they agreed they wanted to take in kids who needed good homes the most, so they were specifically looking for older kids who would probably age out of the system and wind up on the streets

They met Arthur who was a clearly depressed and gender non conforming thirteen year old who hated everyone and everything and wasn’t getting the Love he Deserved, and Dutch was like “I want THAT ONE, with the SAD EYES”

Arthur tried to push them away at first, cuz he absolutely didn’t trust anyone, and some part of him believed they’d just give him right back up for adoption if he disappointed them in any way. But he eventually learned that they were good guys who really just wanted to help him, and they weren’t gonna abandon him if he wasn’t the perfect kid they always wanted

(he probably told them about this fear eventually and Hosea just snorted and was like “if we wanted a perfect kid we woulda got a cabbage patch doll. something that wouldn’t scream or make a mess” and Dutch was like “yeah! or like a 27 year old with a job and their own house and kids of their own. pre-made grandkids” and Hosea was like “or a cat” and Arthur was like “...okay”)

Anyway it took a loooong time but Arthur eventually trusted them enough to come out to them as trans, without really knowing the proper words for everything, just knowing that He Is A Boy And That’s That. As much as Hosea is the one the lads go to to talk about stuff and get comfort and Wise Dad Advice, he probably told Dutch first bc he was more uncertain how he’d respond and he wanted to get it over with in the worst way possible.... like, if they were gonna react badly, heap all the bullshit on in one fell swoop

I imagine he did it off the cuff too, in response to something Dutch said, like Dutch was like “u get back here right now young lady” and Arthur was like “first of all I’m not a lady, I’m a BOY, and second of all FUCK you, I do what I WANT” and Dutch was like “groovy. you’re grounded.” Arthur was like (offended) “don’t say groovy... don’t try to be hip” and Dutch was like “no it’s totally tubular that ur a boy. It’s absolutely funky. You’re fucking grounded though”

Then he went and told Hosea like “congrats! it’s a boy” and they helped him transition and they didn’t tolerate a single person misgendering him the whole time. Like before he’s even begun transitioning, they’re literally at the doctors office to discuss it w/ their doc for the first time, and a nurse is like “ms. morgan?” And Dutch is like “INCORRECT” and the doctor is like “what seems to be the problem (deadname)?” and Dutch is like “FOOL! THIS CHILD WAS LABELED INACCURATELY, WE REQUIRE A GENDER RETRACTION” and Hosea’s like “please stop yelling”

Anyway probably about a year later they got John when he was ten and Arthur was fifteen. Arthur was a little bit jealous like, wow, am I not enough kid for u, but Dutch and Hosea always planned on getting at least two bc they wanted them to have siblings, and they know John came from a pretty abusive situation, so Arthur can’t be too mad at him. At least until he met John and realized what a fucking brat he is

Since John was younger and way more desperate for affection, he immediately loved Dutch and Hosea just bc they were nice to him, he was ready to call them his dads within the month but he was nervous that it was too soon and they’d be weirded out. But I imagine he got triggered by something and had a meltdown and they got to see just a glimpse of what he’d been through, and Dutch and Hosea were falling over themselves trying to comfort him and tell him they love him and now I’m making myself cry :’^(

Anyway... from that point on John was like “these are the only dads I’ve ever had and I would kill a man for them.” He gets in trouble quite a bit bc he’s Naughty, but Dutch and Hosea always make sure to punish him fairly and never yell or be physically intimidating with him or permanently take away his stuff, like they make him do chores to earn back the right to use the xbox or something. And they always explain to him exactly what he did wrong and why he’s being punished and talk to him about how he can make it better or what he can do next time, or if there’s a root problem, like he’s acting out bc he’s overwhelmed with school work or smthn, how they can help him. Especially after he gets diagnosed with ADHD

And of course they do all this with Arthur too, but they make a special concerted effort with John bc he’s The Baby :^) and Dutch somehow maintains an attitude of “idk what ur talking about, John has never done anything wrong ever in his life” every time he gets in trouble meanwhile Hosea is like “what do you MEAN, he’s a GREMLIN” fjfjfhhf

Arthur was probably diagnosed with depression and anxiety at some point... it was probably a long process to get him to even admit he had a problem bc he didnt wanna bother anyone... Arthur also probably came from an abusive situation from the way canon Arthur talks about his dad, but Arthur is much more the type to be like “i’m gonna keep all my feelings inside, and then one day, i’ll die” whereas John is like “i will SCREAM if i get a papercut”

[EDIT: i woke up in a cold sweat at 4 AM with this in my head so now i’m putting it here

Charles: So, Arthur... Do you wanna talk about your feelings? Arthur: No. John: I do! :) Charles: ...I know, John. John: I’m sad! :) Charles: I know, John.

i’m sure it’s been done before but it’s so good. ok now back to our regularly scheduled programming]

In regards to Arthur being trans, John doesn’t really Get It, Arthur tried to explain it to him once and John couldn’t care less, all he knows is Arthur used to be a girl or something, there’s tea involved probably, and John is thinking about minecraft again... he has 2 am thoughts about it sometimes and comes to Arthur like “what IS gender” and Arthur’s just like “hm. big mood”

Dutch is “Dad” and Hosea is “Papa” or “Pa” or “Pops” or “Dad, No Not You, The Other One” or “Other Dad.” Hosea really doesn’t mind at all, he wouldn’t care if the kids called him Hosea or mom or anything else, it truly isnt important to him. But Dutch Loves being Dad. Every time they call Dutch Dad he grows three times stronger and 10 years are added to his lifespan. Dutch is an Alpha Parent, he 100% goes to every parent teacher conference and bake sale, he’d go to every game and concert too if either of his kids had a single athletic or musical bone in their dumb little bodies. I guess the school probably hosts art galleries sometimes to display art the kids make, Arthur always has a drawing in one of those, and Dutch will absolutely go just to brag about his cool son.

Dutch is the Fun Energetic Dad who embarrasses the boys in front of their friends but can always be talked into taking them out to get ice cream. Hosea is the more quietly anxious dad, he makes sure they do their homework and keep their rooms clean and shit, and he's the one the kids always go to talk to when they’re having problems... like Arthur will rant for an hour and a half about high school drama and Hosea will patiently listen to all of it and when he's done he’ll offer to kick the other kids’ asses for him, and Arthur’s like lmao but Hosea Means It.

Hosea is also the one the kids go to for help on their homework because Hosea and Dutch have five brain cells between them, and four of them belong to Hosea. Dutch is like “suddenly I don’t remember basic math, time to make shit up” and Hosea is like “I must become an expert on 1820s Chinese history in two days for my beautiful sons”

I have NO idea what either of their jobs are, I wanna say Hosea is a lawyer or smthn but idk, Dutch is probably like......................a used car salesman LMAO...... they clearly make a lot of money (or maybe STOLE SOME) bc I gave them a huge house w/ a pool gjhkdhg

Anyway more about THE KIDS

They go to a school that is a combination middle school and high school, bc that’s what my school was like

Mrs. Grimshaw is the strict and irritable principal with a secret soft spot for kids, Mr. Pearson is the cafeteria cook, Strauss works in the office, I wanna say Rev. Swanson is a weird but friendly janitor or something lmao. Uncle is Dutch & Hosea’s annoying forever-drunk neighbor who everyone barely tolerates fjfjhfh

Micah is The School Bully but like bc this is a cutesy high school au and I can do what I want, he’s not actually like a violent racist or anything he’s just a bad mad sad kid who is a huge dick

Bill is Micah’s Bully Henchman, he’s generally not as much of a dick as Micah is, but he punches whoever Micah asks him to bc they are the closest thing to friends that either of them have

Trelawny is a new student who just moved from another school and he’s that fucking Weird Magician Kid who can’t hold a conversation longer than five seconds without saying “wanna see a magic trick,” tried to do some unimpressive card tricks for the school talent show, unironically wears a cape, etc.... Arthur stood up for him when he was getting pushed around by Micah and Bill so now Arthur has +1 more weird friend

Karen is the Popular Girl who somehow knows everyone, is probably a cheerleader, everyone is either extremely intimidated by her or thinks she’s gonna be a stuck up bitch, but she’s actually just super fucking chill and nice, WILL stab a man for her friends, she won’t hesitate bitch

Tilly is Karen’s bff who was getting bullied by *shakes fist* those dang foreman brothers.... Karen stood up for her and Tilly was like “no don’t u will get hurt!!” and Karen was like “ha... fool... cheerleaders cannot die” and whooped ass with her gymnastics skills and somehow got the foreman brothers expelled. So now Tilly is like “I owe u one (1) Life Debt” but Karen is like “nah it’s chill just come to target w/ me & we’ll call it even.” Tilly is just tryna get shit done and do her damn homework but everybody else is going on adventures and being nuisances so of course Tilly has to go too bc come on....... who do you take her for, some kinda two-bit GEEK? NO WAY

Mary Beth is a quiet nerdy girl who’s always reading or writing and never talks in class or anything. Karen and Tilly became her friends thru sheer brute force, Karen just sat by her one day n was like “sup” and Mary Beth was too shy to ask her to leave. They were surprised to discover Mary Beth is actually pretty nice and funny when you get to know her and also the Biggest Lesbian Alive

Sadie is a BAD BITCH... NOBODY fucks with Sadie, not even Micah, Sadie is the girl who when some dipshit boy spreads a rumor that he had sex with her, she agrees and tells everyone she pegged him and he cried after, she hasn’t given a fuck since 2007. she climbs on the roof to get lost frisbees. one time she got the gym coach to agree to give her an automatic A in the class if she did 100 push ups in 5 minutes. Then she Did That. She might have pulled several muscles in both of her arms but She Did That. Karen, Tilly, and Mary Beth (but mostly Karen) approached her like “damn that was sick” and Sadie was like “yea i know” and then they were friends

I literally don’t know anything about Sean I’m sorry...... maybe he’s a transfer student who becomes friends with John, they play Minecraft together and Sean boobytraps the houses John builds. Sean is the only living human being who understands how redstone works and he uses his powers for evil

Molly is going to a nearby community college and is working at the high school part time as a TA and she is like 19-20 or smthn so the kids all think she’s The Hottest Shit,,,, like they think she’s just the coolest hippest person alive, but also she is Very Attractive so fuckin everybody has a crush on her, most specifically Javier and Mary Beth. She ineptly tries to flirt with Dutch every time he comes to a parent teacher conference bc she’s dummy thicc and thinks it’s friendship goals that Dutch lives with and has adopted children with his Best Bud Hosea

The teacher Molly is TA for is Charles Chatenay, an all-grades art teacher who takes his job WAY too seriously, like dude chill they’re high schoolers. His class is where Arthur met Albert, bc Arthur loves drawing and obviously Albert loves photography. They were both like “wow he’s cute” but were too shy to talk to each other for more than basic pleasantries, until one day Albert’s Big Project was ruined a day or two before he was gonna turn it in, and Arthur helped him fix it.

They’re so sweet on each other it’s unbearable, they’re both Soft Boys so they fuckin blush if they make eye contact...... the most bold either of them get is when Arthur is feeling insecure about his body and Albert gladly tells him how perfect and handsome he is in every way, and he wishes he was half as gorgeous as Arthur is, and Arthur is like (offended) um, excuse me, how dare u insult my beautiful boyfriend in this way?? They both wanna grow beards so while they’re still going thru Changes they excitedly bond over their facial hair......... they run up to each other at school like LOOK AT MY NEW CHIN HAIR and the other one is like WOW!!! GOOD JOB

Javier has a big lovely family who spoil him rotten and tbh love to spoil his friends when they come over too, his parents are in a constant and devastating game of dish-gifting with Dutch & Hosea, Arthur and John have eaten more of Mr. & Mrs. Escuella’s tamales than any other food, neither Dutch nor Hosea are very good cooks but luckily Javier has plenty of aunts and uncles and cousins who are happy to occasionally take one of their unimpressive lasagnas or cakes from a box mix

Lenny’s cool dad in canon is the high school au dad of Charles and Lenny, he and Charles’s mom amicably divorced and he got remarried to Lenny’s mom, who is a Cool Stepmom to Charles. Charles and Lenny go stay with Charles’s mom all the time, in fact she was around so much when they were younger that she practically helped raise them both. maybe she gets a gf and Charles and Lenny have so many moms and are so loved & cherished like they fuCKIN DESERVE

Kieran is the weird horse girl at school, he’s Lenny’s age, they become friends when they’re forced to sit next to each other and they’re both too awkward and shy to say anything until they’re paired up on a project together bc everyone else in the class already paired up and they were the only ones left gjkhfd.... John wants to dislike Kieran bc Lenny is HIS friend now, but Kieran is a sweet lad with a mean dad.... His dad is Colm O’Driscoll, Dutch & Hosea’s other neighbor and Dutch’s sworn enemy

Dutch expects Kieran to be as shitty as his dad, but he is a SWEET BOY, and as soon as they realize his situation, they tell Kieran he can come over whenever he wants and spend the night any time, he doesn’t have to ask or anything, but Kieran is super respectful and always asks permission and always tries to come over when John or Arthur are there so he can go under the pretense of hanging out with them, bc he doesn’t wanna intrude...

Once he came over when Hosea was the only one home and he was like “hi Mr. Matthews are John and Arthur home” and Hosea was like “no sorry they’re out” and Kieran was like “oh... ok sorry I’ll just go then” and Hosea was like “absolutely not” and brought Kieran in and made him snacks and wrapped him in many blankets and watched a kids movie with him until he fell asleep on the couch... when Dutch came home he was like “??? new son ???” and Hosea was like “yea I guess. oops”

When Kieran gets older they help him become an emancipated minor and get a job and his own place (even tho he knows they’d let him stay with them if he wanted) and he changes his last name to his mom’s maiden name Duffy... Colm and Dutch glare at each other over their fences and Colm is like “enjoying stealing my son?” and Dutch is like “my son now” but Colm really doesn’t care bc he’s an asshole... and even tho they don’t legally adopt him, Kieran’s like “I’m more of a Van der Linde than an O’Driscoll” and oops i’m making myself cry again :’)

And yes Abigail does eventually teach John how to play stupid super smash bros. She’s Pro Gamer level of competent at nearly all video games and John has the biggest heart eyes for her, the end thank u for listening

#the suffering of john marston. 13 #filler tag 1 #filler tag 2 #morgason #trans arthur morgan #vandermatthews #rdr2

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beabaseball · 3 years ago

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If it's verbal questioning, there is probably a question following it up about "do you have any plans to act on those thoughts?" which is skipped if you say "no."

If you are at the doctor's for something way more urgent and don't want to get into it, I can't blame anyone for saying "no" and just skipping it, but if you have time then it's maybe worth it to bring up, especially if you have been able to notice a pattern about when the thoughts occur. For example, I listed suicidal impulses as a reason I needed No Menstruation type birth control, because I got those suicidal intrusive thoughts but only really on my period. It has Basically Stopped since I started the depo shot.

If you notice you mostly get these thoughts after "embarassing" situations or "stressful" things like needing to go into a store, maybe consider anxiety medication (a regular local doctor can help you access all these meds I'm mentioning. If you can afford therapy alongside medication, they are most effective in tandem, but just taking the edge off can be enough to make big changes.)

If you find yourself saying "ugh I want to die" just casually and tiredly, consider treatment for depression (and mentally try to correct yourself into saying "ugh I want to go to bed" for example, to try and rewrite the pattern to something less dangerous)

Before I realized the menstruation pattern, I thought it might be bipolar, as I had wild mood swings as well as manias (that part was ADHD, which other meds have helped stabilize, but they were unrelated to suicidal thoughts) so if you struggle with a pattern, the struggle with a pattern might also be a hint. Consider getting a calendar and color coding each day with highlighter when you have a notable mood such as sadness, depression, anger, mania, and add red dots for menstruation to try and see if you have a pattern. This is how I figured it out while trying to find a bipolar pattern!

For clarity, I still get the intrusive thought of like "wow we are going fast on the interstate and if we crash we could die [insert stress]" but that is very different from the " swerve your car off the road into that wall," ones, which is what I needed to stop.

It is nice to not have to constantly scold your brain all the time for 'bad thoughts'.

one problem with having intrusive thoughts is whenever a doctor’s form asks if i’ve ever had suicidal thoughts it’s like….yeah, but not in the way you mean, like technically yes i absolutely have, but for your purposes i haven’t because i’m not gonna DO it, it’s just an idea my shitty brain roommate keeps putting in the suggestion box no matter how many times i throw it out and tell them their contribution is noted and not the least bit appreciated

#mental illness #mental health #suicidal ideation #medication #it is not the answer to everything but damn does it help in certain spots #esp if you can actually target them #beatext

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fraddit · 7 years ago

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My recent experience with depression, anxiety, and ADHD

I figured I would make a post about this, because I know that at least a few of my mutuals are dealing with some or all of these things themselves and might find this helpful. Who knows? Very long, very personal, but mostly positive post under the cut. Like, really, more information than you probably ever wanted to know about me and my problems. Proceed, if you feel so inclined.

First, a brief history, for context. Throughout elementary and high school, I consistently scored in the 99th percentile on standardized tests. Then, I almost flunked out of high school, barely got my diploma, took a year off, and started art school college for an animation English degree. I was going to write novels. After a year or two of that, I decided I could write without a degree, so I dropped out. What followed was a decade of several strangely varied and unrelated jobs and no novel writing. Working a stable corporate gig while not accomplishing (or even pursuing) any of my personal creative goals was DESTROYING MY SOUL. So, I quit my job to become a full-time student and finish my degree, because at least that was kind of in the same universe as actually being creative. And now, a year or two later, here I am, 32 and a few semesters away from finally finishing that English degree. Clearly brains won’t get you everywhere kids.

I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 7 and was on some form of medication until sometime in high school, when I decided I didn’t want to take it anymore, for reasons I won’t bother getting into. It never occurred to me to even consider medication again until this semester, when everything fell apart.

ADHD can impact a person in a multitude of ways. For me, the biggest impact is probably executive function issues. I can wander through the garden of my ideas all day long. I cannot make myself sit down and do work, no matter how much I may want to. For personal goals, that means a literal solid decade of zero accomplishment. For school, that means procrastinating papers until the night before or morning of or sometimes even two weeks late, on the night before the professor has to turn in their grades. And the level of personal effort it took to make myself write that two-week-late paper was herculean in measure, when it really should not have been.

I’ve since learned that many professionals suspect this very common procrastination habit of ADHD folks is actually a kind of self-medicating by way of adrenaline via stress response. Which sounds entirely plausible to me, because every semester since I’ve been back at school, I’ve found myself pushing the risky boundaries of procrastination further and further, like a drug addict needing a higher dose to get a fix. A very unsustainable and unhappy process all around.

Which brings me to this semester, when the wheels finally fell off the car, and one of the campus psychologists found me crying on a bench outside the counseling center because they were closed for lunch and meetings, and I didn’t know where else to go. I couldn’t do any of my homework, was crying every day, and having panic attacks. To put it simply, I was a fucking mess.

I made more appointments at the counseling center, I spoke with my professors about what I was going through (hello more panic attacks), and for the first time in over a decade, I remembered that there are medications I should maybe try, and I made an appointment to see the psychiatrist at the campus medical clinic. (Also, guys, if any of you are students, look into your campus resources. There’s support for everything at my school. There’s even an office that’s only there to help guide students to all the other support options. Seriously, mental health, child care, food, housing, you name it. Get the help you need.)

When I explained everything I had been going through, the very nice psychiatrist at the clinic told me, with an unsettling degree of alarm in her voice, that I was “deeply depressed”. Which, I knew, but she really sounded shockingly concerned. And it’s like, jeeze, I maybe didn’t realize just how bad things had gotten, because I was just living with this shit every day, so it was kind of ‘normal’ for me.

Anyway, she agreed to start me on meds for my ADHD. The one I’ve been taking is called Vyvanse. I started on the lowest dose and have been gradually increasing. A month in, I’m at a dose where I can clearly tell a difference, and it’s having a noticeable impact. I wrote a meta yesterday. I was thinking the thoughts, and just sat down and wrote it. This morning, I got up and wrote some more, just notes for future things to do, but I did it. Fuck, I’m writing this fucking thing right now.

I thought that maybe I should write this shit out, and it took a little while sitting and getting my momentum going, but now I’ve written 800 1300 1650 words. And I’m sitting here actually crying as I type this paragraph, because this small little thing is like the biggest fucking thing in my life.

I don’t have any way to accurately explain what a big deal it is for me to have actively decided to write something and then to have actually actively produced content of my own volition and design, that wasn’t assigned to me and didn’t have a due date or a grade attached. And, that I’ve done it repeatedly now…

OVER TEN YEARS. Over ten years I went, writing almost nothing. Might as well have been zero words. Guys, I’ve been walking around with a trilogy of speculative fiction novels in my head for over ten years, I’ve been planning another unrelated novel for the last two. I’ve been planning something like 30 fanfics, across two fandoms, and another 20 metas for the past year. Part of me probably assumed feared that none of that would ever see the light of day. But now, it suddenly feels like maybe I’ll actually manage to write some of it. And I’m hoping like fuck that it’s not just a fluke.

Now, the ADHD meds aren’t the only thing I’ve been doing to contribute to this ‘good place’ I’m in currently. I’ve been going to counseling. Apparently, I have a lot of negative feelings about myself and my inability to accomplish jack shit for a whole decade. Who would’ve guessed? I also have weekly sessions with the disabilities accessibility team at my university to work on external methods for dealing with my executive function issues. (Again, if you’re a student, utilize your university resources. You’re already paying for them with tuition.) And, this is obviously not an option for everyone, but even before I started the ADHD meds, I took advantage of the fact that I live in a state where certain botanical products are easily and legally available and found a brand of gummies that really help with my anxiety and panic attacks. (They’re high cbd, low thc, so calming and don’t make you high.)

So far, the meds aren’t 100% sunshine and rainbows. With the dose I’m at right now, where I’ve been Getting Things Done, I can actively feel the drug, which is… not the greatest. I feel jittery, vaguely anxious, like I’ve drank way too much coffee but worse. And, the decreased appetite is something I really have to be vigilant about, because I don’t have any room to lose weight. These were both known possible side effects of stimulant meds, so I wasn’t surprised, and perhaps the doctor and I will be able to fine tune the dosing or try another med or something. But right now, I think I’m really leaning toward, I’ll put up with the side effects, because holy shit, I can finally actually do what I want to do. Also, I think (and Nice Doctor Lady thinks) the new higher dose is having a positive, stabilizing impact on my mood.

I guess my reason for writing all of this, other than pure catharsis, is to say, if you’re dealing with shit like this, try to be willing to consider all your options. For whatever reason, I didn’t think about trying medication for my condition. It wasn’t even like I was anti-meds or something. I just didn’t even think about it. Not until a few months back, when I sent a random ask to an ADHD blog on here, asking how they managed to make themselves write, and they responded with I had to get medication. Suddenly, it was like… why have I not been considering this option? So, this story is for anyone else out there that maybe also hadn’t thought to consider this option.

And really, not just the medication. I’m a hide behind walls, overly independent, do things on my own, never ask for help sort of person. But, I guess I finally reached a level of desperation where I was like, Clearly, doing this by myself, my way, has not gotten me the results I want. So, fuck it, I’m going to ask for help from every professional available to me. Which, I’m very lucky, and currently have ready access to multiple resources in a way not everyone does, but being open to getting this much assistance is very new territory for me.

I’m not really sure how best to wrap this up. If anyone actually read all of this, I’m astonished and… Hi, I guess? You really know quite a bit about me now. Hopefully, I haven’t scared anyone off. And, if anybody has further questions about any of this or you want to talk about your own issues, I’m sincerely available for that. I think the world we live in today makes it too easy to feel completely alone, even when you’re surrounded by people, and I’m here for chats, if you need it.

#well...#okay then #this exists #just a short 1650 word personal essay #yikes #anyway #shut up fraddit #fraddit talks mental health #give this topic it's own tag #in case i make any follow up posts

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actuallyadhd · 7 years ago

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ADHD Awareness Month:

Due to numerous factors my ADHD wasn’t picked up until 20. My parents thought ADHD was kids (boys) bouncing off walls, they were shocked and kinda guilty they missed it when I told them about my diagnosis. A breakdown of my symptoms and what delayed my diagnosis: -Fidgeting. Idk why the fact that at 18 I couldn’t sit remotely still in a cinema wasn’t concerning to anyone. -Talkative and talking at a fast pace. People just assume I’m talkative, I don’t notice I’ve talked for too long. -Interrupt people when they speak. To be fair my entire family is awful for this. If there’s than three of us in a room and you don’t yell across someone no one will listen. -Refusal to make social plans without a lot of coaxing and help. I couldn’t verbalise that I had no idea how to pull everything together and the thought of trying scared me and it my Mam numerous “just text and ask if they’re free” and her telling me where to meet them and what time to get my weekend plans sorted. She had no idea planning issues can be ADHD. -Late to everything. My parents always ensured I was on time so my poor time keeping skills didn’t present until I was in my teens and weren’t an issue for school or work as my parents got me there on time! -Memory issues. My Dad has a weird memory so we assumed I was just like him and had a randomly selective memory that opts not to remember to bring my sports kit home or take my keys with me when I left the house. My parents formed a habit of verbally and visually confirming I had everything I needed for the day before I left the house. -Losing stuff due to forgetting where I put it. It was assumed I just lacked respect for my possessions. -Difficulty with verbal directions or instructions. Didn’t present until I started needing to walk places, my parents just used visual landmarks or drew maps. My driving instructor just gave up and assumed I’d take a wrong turn. Long verbal lists of tasks quickly became my parents asking me to do one task, waiting for me to do it and then asking me to do the next. -Daydreaming. I was just called creative. My doodling in school was seen as disinterested and rudeness. -Unable to sustain concentration in school/ on school work. I caught up on my work and always managed to meet deadlines. I aced class tests because I had less work to revise (normally just one topic) and it was fresh. My poor exams results were seen and nerves affecting performance as I was always studying. I didn’t notice how much faster other students did work thanks to no daydreaming and I didn’t notice how much I daydreamed. -Aversion of crowds and loud noises. Not necessarily ADHD but I can’t process crowds they overwhelm me and noises are very distracting for me and loud ones I just hate tbh, they hurt me more than they seem to hurt others. -General overwhelming. A list of five things for my brother to do right now= him whining but doing it. That list for me= internal panic, that’s not on my mental schedule for the day, how will I have time for my school work that will take half an hour and do these chores that take half an hour when there’s only five hours before bed-time. Basically I end up just stood there, trying to figure out which tasks to start on and if I can say I have homework and most importantly trying not to cry from confusing. -Forgetting to eat. Whenever my parents left me home-alone on a weekend it was only when they came home and asked if I wanted dinner that I realised I forgot lunch and probably hadn’t drunk much. But I didn’t say that I’d get a concerned lecture about eating disorders or responsibility depending on the day.

So, how did I end up diagnosed? I moved out for uni, overcompensated for my poor attention and burnt out repeatedly in my first year and started ruining my mental health. Summer came just at the right time. Then in second year, as my “pacing around my room in halls/ my house” became “going to bug my flatmates” it was finally evident how short my attention span was. My vocal stimming became more prominent (idk why) but I was still fidgety. Add to that my flatmates saying they don’t really daydream and us running the ‘experiment’ of me writing a list (during a lecture) of every unrelated thoughts or daydream I had and the fact I was always seen as “weird” with no one able to pin point why (I think it’s because my thoughts move faster so I make different and stranger conclusions faster and don’t stop myself making weird inputs to convo) and I hit up google. I’d consider ADHD before but now I was starting to believe it. I was managing, but struggling to keep my life on track. I was late to everything. Ate late because I forgot. Mixed up deadlines (but figured out early on I had the wrong date). Was always on the go just trying to stay afloat, I was still over-compensating my disorganisation by having an emotional attachment to my diary and still hated changes to my daily plans but I couldn’t find the extra time to make up for the fact our work was harder. Whilst most students saw their grades rise as they finally started to revise I saw mine fall as I was already at my coping limit and still spent more time daydreaming at my desk than working.

I knew I wouldn’t pass third year. I was at my limit and couldn’t fix my issues no matter how hard I tried. I just couldnt focus. Couldn’t get to bed on time or to lectures on time. All the issues I had growing up were suddenly impacting me because my parents weren’t there to help. I wasn’t close enough to my flatmates from first year for them to notice but it got picked up on in second year and the change of living environment allowed some issues (like leaving my chair and zoning out in conversation or lectures) to be more noticeable to me too.

If someone had noticed the combination of smaller issues and the work I put in to overcome them before uni…a lot of concern for my mental and physical health (and the reasons for those concerns) could have been avoided. And I could’ve grown up not thinking I wasn’t as smart as we thought I’d be and that I was actually pretty stupid and should work hard so I could keep passing but shouldn’t bother aspiring to achieve anything impressive. My uni course and career choice were made on those assumptions and I’m lucky I let myself risk applying for the course I thought would be too hard for me. Because it trains for an easy job I decided I could do (but one lecturer insists I’ll get too bored because it’s too easy and now I think that maybe he’s right- I can do more, I just need some help and there’s nothing wrong with that) but it allows gives really good openings to further training for the jobs I actually want. So I haven’t sabotaged myself just yet.

So yeah. I talk (and write) too much but this time it’s needed. ADHD awareness is needed. The stereotype needs to fade away. Because the route I had to take to be diagnosed at uni was painfully expensive and I’m lucky I survived academia this far without failing (like one cousin, also diagnosed at 20/21) or lasting mental health issues (like my other cousin, diagnosed at 18).

#flipflopfishing #submission #ADHD #Actually ADHD #ADHD Awareness Month

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amusewithaview · 7 years ago

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Sorry if this is super personal, but you've mentioned in a few posts that you got a late adhd diagnosis and I've been wondering if I should maybe look into getting one? maybe? So if you don't mind, how did you make that happen? Did you self-diagnose or did you go see someone or something else? (sorry again if you don't want to answer just tell me so)

Brief (hah!) explanation of how my late diagnosis went down: I was in grad school, having a rather horrible time for a variety of reasons (anxiety! crippling depression! suicidal ideation!) and one of my professors pulled me aside and asked for a meeting with me. She was the one who said that I presented a lot of symptoms that she, in her experience teaching, associated with young adults with ADHD. She strongly recommended that I get tested so I could work with disability services and see if there was anything they could do for me. I was doing poorly in her class and she thought that it might help. In her words, I would fall in and out of the discussion groups. I would present a neat idea, then as the others were discussing it, I would tune out entirely an move onto a new idea, or carry that first idea several steps further, and then break back into discussion with an unrelated or only tangentially related contribution. She pointed out other things too, but this was years ago at this point and I can’t remember her exact wording. Suffice to say that she blew my mind.

I had never considered that I might have ADHD before, and nobody else had either because I’m very intelligent and rarely need things explained to me more than once. I did well in school because I’ve always been an excellent test taker. My undergrad advisor looked at my transcripts (high ACT, average grades) and said, “You got bored in school a lot, didn’t you.” I hyperfocus like mad while reading, and I was reading constantly as a kid, so it never occurred to anyone that I might have focus issues.

What would you get out of a diagnosis? Genuinely ask yourself that before running off to get tested, because testing might be expensive. I lucked out in that I was attending a university that had a lot of programs for students, one of which included a full battery of IQ/psychological tests. It was a teaching program, so psych grad students did the actual testing themselves while we were all monitored through a mirrored wall by the professionals. Even with the extra discounts, it was still something like 150 bucks for the full report. I paid fifty just to get the official ADHD diagnosis sent to my doctor/the school administration, but I didn’t shell out the other 100 for the actual IQ test results (sort of wish I had, in hindsight).

The testing was a mixture of them asking me a variety of questions about myself, my habits, my decision-making processes, and an IQ test, and a standard battery re “are you crazy? lets find out!” The former included fun questions like “are you a perfectionist?” the middley bit was standard IQ stuff like spacial awareness, pattern recognition, etc., and the final bit included “do you hear voices? do they tell you to hurt yourself and/or others?” The test took place over the course of a few hours on one day, then they presented the results to you two weeks later.

The single funny part of the process was that technically speaking, since it was a teaching program, we (the people being tested) were only supposed to interact with the students while the actualfacts doctor observed. In my case, he came out during my presentation to help explain my diagnosis because I was the most textbook case of perfectionism he’d ever seen***. He actually quoted me things I’d said in the initial interview verbatim because of how amazingly textbook my perfectionism was (he took copious notes). He said to me that if I took one thing away from the meeting, what he hoped I’d take was that I was an extremely intelligent person who was ridiculously hard on herself and needed to cut herself a lot of slack.

For me, getting a diagnosis was worth it because it meant I could get certain accommodations from professors, I could freely discuss medication and such with my doctor, and honestly it gave me a shitload of peace of mind. A lot of things about myself that I had always considered character flaws were suddenly explicable (if not always necessarily excusable) by this weird brain quirk that was outside of my control. Even if you don’t go the medication route, knowing that you have ADHD to contend with can be useful because there are coping mechanisms specific to ADHD out there and… yeah. So, what would you get out of a diagnosis? Consider that before getting tested.

If you (or anyone else) has follow up questions, reblog and I’ll try my best to answer. I can only speak to my personal experiences though.

***The exchange apparently went like this:

Interviewer: Would you consider yourself a perfectionist?Me: *immediately* No.Interviewer: All right.Me: Nothing I do is ever perfect, so, definitely not a perfectionist.*crickets chirp*

#something clever in cleveland #ADHD impulsive #actually adhd #adhd diagnosis #actually perfectionist #i'm not on meds right now #i've never been on meds just for adhd #my old antidepressants had an off-label use of adhd assistance and they were AMAZING #i am seriously considering going on meds #but i needed to wait for my insurance to kick in first #it has kicked in as of sept 1 soooo #further updates as events warrant (gotta find me a gp)

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fluffyllamas-23 · 7 years ago

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VOMIT WARNING (I know some people don't like that, so just a warning)

Because I'm spiraling into a Voltron writing obsession, here's another college AU, based loosely on my own experiences ayyyyyy *finger guns*

(Also you should definitely send me some prompts because I want to write more Voltron but don't know what else to write)

"So I was thinking we could-" Keith started, but was once again, for what must have been the hundredth time today, cut off by Lance.

"-Hey, have you guys seen that video?"

Keith and Hunk groaned in frustration.

Shiro sighed. "You did it again, Lance."

Keith let out an exasperated sigh. "Lance! You can't keep-Lance! I'm talking to you. Will you pay attention for like, FIVE minutes? Or even TWO?"

Lance snapped his attention back to Keith. "Hmm?"

Keith clenched his jaw, frustration bubbling in his chest. Lance was completely unable to focus. On ANYTHING. He had been distracted and disruptive all day, bouncing off the walls and going off on tangents that were completely unrelated to what anybody was talking about.

Keith was exhausted just trying to keep up with him. Even Shiro, ever patient Shiro, was growing frustrated with him.

"What's WITH you today?"

"I...uh...too much coffee, I guess." Lance said, glancing around uncomfortably before hopping out of his seat and grabbing all his stuff.

"Lance, what's going o-"

"-I have to go do homework!"

Keith, Shiro and Hunk watched as Lance hurried off.

"What...was that?" Hunk asked. "I mean he's always been...crazy but not like THIS."

"Uh...coffee, apparently." Shiro frowned.

Lance burst into his room, his heart pounding in his chest. He was just annoying everyone, but he couldn't help it. He tried, he tried SO hard, but he was completely and totally unable to focus.

He had completely forgotten to take his medication this morning, and he didn't realize it until nearly five PM, and by that time it was too late. If he took it now, he wouldn't sleep that night, and he needed to sleep.

He knew it was a lost cause, but he was going to try and get some studying done.

Instead of studying, he found himself spinning in his desk chair, staring up at the ceiling to count the tiles.

While he was spinning, some Velcro from one of his projects caught his eye, and before he knew it, he was taping half of it to the wall, and half to his hands.

Keith walked in right as he was about to launch himself off the bed and onto the wall.

"Lance!"

"Yes, roomie?" Lance asked, bouncing up and down on the bed lightly.

"What the hell are you doing? Get down!"

"I wanted to be SpiderMan."

"You wanted to be spider-get down!" He cried, throwing his hands in the air. "I thought you were studying."

"I was going to...but then I got sidetracked." He said, slowly coming to a standstill.

"Okay, this," Keith said, gesturing from the wall to Lance, "is NOT a good idea. Seriously."

Lance sighed. "Yeah I guess you're right - hey have you seen that video?"

Keith pinched the bridge of his nose. "I don't...you need to be a bit more specific. What video are you talking about?"

"The...uh...guy who ate weed brownies and thought he was dead. Ooh! There's this really good show on Netflix. The Flash, have you heard of it?Season one isn’t great, but it gets better. Have you watched it?"

Keith blinked. "No, I haven't. Lance, are you alright?"

"Peachy. Why?"

"You're all over the place, man."

Lance's face hardened, and he got off the bed and went to sit at his desk. "I told you. I had too much coffee."

"Um...okay."

Keith sat on his bed, facing Lance.

He watched as Lance struggled to calm himself enough to focus.

He watched as Lance tapped his pencil on the desk incessantly and rolled back and forth in his chair while he stared at his laptop. He must have gotten up fifteen times to go walk to their mini fridge and walk back to his seat.

Then, Lance straightened in his chair and pressed a hand to his stomach. A grimace crossed his face and he stood up.

"Lance? Are you okay?"

"Stomachache." He bit out, gritting his teeth as he climbed into bed.

Keith frowned. "Are you going to be sick?"

"I don't...maybe." He groaned.

"What happened? You were fine literally a minute ago."

"I'm fine. Leave me alone." He groaned, curling into himself as tightly as possible.

"Lance-"

"-I'm FINE. This happens a lot. Leave me alone."

"What do you mean?" He demanded. "Do you need to see a doctor?"

Lance let out a heavy sigh. "I have...nnngh...I have ADHD."

"That...what does that have to do with your stomach?"

"I forgot to take my meds. This is a side effect."

"Oh shit." Keith said, his eyebrows shooting up. "Do you need anything?"

"I just need to...r-ride it out." He groaned, gripping the blankets and writhing in pain. Sharp, stabbing, cramping pains were shooting across his abdomen in waves.

"Are you sure?"

Lance just groaned in pain, pressing his face into the pillow.

"Okay, I'm calling Shiro."

"No-"

"-it's not up for discussion, Lance." He said firmly.

Lance whimpered in pain, squeezing his eyes shut.

Keith dialed Shiro's number, keeping his eyes on Lance.

"Hey, Keith."

"Shiro, we need you over here."

"What's the matter?"

"It's Lance."

"What happened with Lance?"

"He has a really bad stomachache...he's writhing in pain in bed and I don't know what to do."

"Does he have a fever?"

"I don't-Lance, do you have a fever?"

"No, idiot. I don't have a fever." Lance spat. "I'm not SICK, you don't need to call Sh-Shiro...I'm f-ngggh."

Keith rolled his eyes. "He doesn't have a fever."

"Give him something for the pain, I'll be there soon."

A wave of nausea rolled over him, and he got out of bed and made a b-line for the bathroom.

Lance slammed the door shut, and leaned over the toilet to empty his stomach. When he emerged from the bathroom, pale and shaky, Shiro was there.

"Are you alright?" He asked, pressing his hand to Lance's cheek.

Lance batted his hand away. "I'm fine."

Throwing up almost always brought relief when this happened. He felt mostly better, his stomach still hurt but it was nowhere as bad as before.

"You're not fine." Shiro said, shaking his head. Lance groaned, thoroughly irritated at all the attention he was getting.

Keith pursed his lips. "He says it's a side effect from not taking his medication."

Shiro frowned. "What? What medication?"

Lance clenched his jaw. "I have ADHD. I forgot to take my medication and that's why I was so unbearable today.”

“Lance, you weren’t-”

“I annoyed you…I know I was. I knew when I kept cutting you off. I know how annoying I get when I don’t take them…I tried really hard to stop…to be normal, but I couldn’t. I’m sorry.” Lance said, his eyes filling with tears.

“Look,” Shiro started. “I’ll admit…I was getting frustrated.”

“Me too, but dude, it wasn’t just that you were annoying. We knew something was up, you’re not usually this…uh…”

“All over the place.” Shiro supplied.

“Yeah, that. You’re not usually all over the place like this.”

“We were just worried.”

Lance looked at them. “You were?”

Both Shiro and Keith nodded. “Yeah.”

Lance sighed. “I don't really tell people,..ever.”

“Why wouldn't you tell us?" Shiro asked. "We're your friends. Did you think we'd judge you?"

"Well...yeah...kind of." Lance muttered, bringing his eyes to the floor.

Keith shook his head. "Why would we judge you for that? So what? What...uh...is ADHD?"

Lance rubbed his forehead. "Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. I can't focus, basically. Look, as much as I'd love to continue this...health lesson...I'm exhausted."

Shiro nodded. "Yeah...thank you though, for telling us. We don't think any less of you, you know."

Lance hung his head, rubbing the back of his neck. "I appreciate that, thanks."

"Get some sleep, feel better." Shiro said, clapping him on the back. "Call me if you need anything else."

Keith walked him to the door as Lance got back into bed. "Thanks, Shiro."

“Anytime.”

#it's like 1 am what am I doing #I have work in a few hours #I should be asleep #here you go guys #I apologize for any errors #I'm sorry if all my posting is annoying please bear with me #im spiraling into an obsession send help #voltron #shiro #keith kogane #lance mcclain #most of my fics will probably be platonic shklance #its just so cute I can't get enough #sickfic #adhd #lance is shiny #omg sorry for all the tags #also sorry again for any typos #like I said its 1 am and I'm exhausted

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