#unrelated but still nervous... am i using tumblr right??

[deadofthecircus]

when writing dotc i had the idea to make an if in the same universe to flesh out an important character and the impact their actions had after their death, which i will be able to do much more easily after writing elegy. now i just have to figure out the plot and so many other worldbuilding parts :') and also gather the motivation for it... and coding...

[alex51324]

Dear it/its users

OK, so this is a speech I've been working on ever since my sister told me that my two nonbinary niblings had added it/its to their list of pronouns. So far, they haven't indicated that those are their first-choice pronouns, so we've kind of been skirting the issue, but I've been getting this ready, because I love them and want to try to help them avoid long-term unintended consequences as they enter the adult world. Now I'm sharing it with you, because doing so is as nice as I know how to be.

First: If I, as a queer elder and active Tumblr user, have the initial reaction of, "Fuck, these little shits are going to get somebody fired with their 5-edgy-4-U bullshit," that is super-important context for you to know in considering taking this choice out into the larger world.

Now, I have made the effort of educating myself, and I understand that many people who make this choice have substantive reasons that go beyond edgy teen bullshit. However, you have to allow for the fact that the majority of people will not move past their first impression regarding this choice.

Being gender-nonconforming is already a strike against you in a lot of contexts--even in reasonably liberal settings, unconscious bias is a thing. Is being it/its important enough to you to add another strike against yourself?

Second: People are going to be uncomfortable calling you "it," even if you've thoroughly explained why you want them to.

This is different from people not wanting to call you by your chosen name, or wanting to call your by the pronouns for your gender assigned at birth, because these people will be coming from a place of wanting to respect you.

Yes, you can argue with them that calling you as you want to be called is the most respectful option, but they will still be uncomfortable. You can't reason them out of feeling uncomfortable, because they didn't reason themselves into it. It's a feeling. They may get over it in time.

But.

If those people do not already have some prexisting love, loyalty, or commitment toward you, that motivates them to sit with that discomfort and work through it, the easiest way out will be to simply decide that--for some totally unrelated reason, that their conscious mind will be fully convinced is true--you and they just didn't click! You don't seem like a good fit for the job, team, walking tour of the Lake District, whatever it is.

Because people don't like being uncomfortable, and if mentioning your existence puts them in an ethical dilemma, a lot of them will just nope right out of it.

And again, these will be people who are motivated in part by their desire to respect you and your autonomy. They will feel, consciously or not, that you have put them in a shitty position where no matter what they say, they'll feel like they're doing something wrong--

And they, dear nibling, will feel that way because you have. You didn't intend to, but you did.

I love you, and if that is your choice I will get used to it, but I am writing this in the second person for a reason.

Story time: I was trans/nonbinary in nine-teen-fucking-ninety-six. The LGB* organization on my college campus didn't know what the fuck to do with me. When I said in "let's go around the room and introduce yourself" time on the first day of class, that despite what the roster said, I was actually a boy called Alex, people got nervous and looked away, and kind of avoided talking about me for the rest of the semester.

(*By the time I left, it was the LGBT organization.)

And then when I was ready to go to grad school, I had professors tell me that they weren't sure how to write me a letter of recommendation, because they knew I didn't want to be called "she," but if they put "he," the recipient might be confused, and if they put "they" they'd look bad because we were in the English department and "they" is plural.

When I got to grad school, I kept "Alex," but skipped saying anything about my gender identity. It didn't help all that much. I got along well enough with my classmates, but all of the professors seemed to be waiting for me to cause trouble, and as a teaching assistant my student evaluation comments made frequent reference to my gender presentation and how they found my name "confusing." (Another grad student, whose name was James or something like that, went by Kip, and nobody gave him shit about it.) I got an anonymous rape threat in my campus email about my "indoctrinating students with my radical agenda," and the campus cop who responded to the complaint said maybe I should, "Tone it down a bit." (Tone what down? I was dressing and acting pretty much the same as the male half of my class cohort.) I ended up dropping out after the Masters, even though the plan all along had been to do the PhD and have an academic career.

Throughout all this, I was a bit more oblivious than I should have been about the underlying pattern behind all this--blame the autism, I guess.

I don't know, if I'd realized it all, whether i would have made different choices regarding my identity and presentation--since my choices were pretty much limited to "present as my gender assigned at birth, or suffer the consequences."

You, today, nibling, in 2024, have the option of being a "they/them," and if you choose your company right, it won't be a big deal--it'll close some doors, but mainly ones you don't want to go through anyway.

Or you can be an it/its, and watch doors slam in your face.

I will love you and support you either way, dear nibling, but I can't make the world love you.

I--we, my generation--changed the world enough that there's a space in it for people like us. I hope you make that space bigger, better, and brighter, but it hurts to think about you dragging yourself through the same shit we went through. We built a path behind us, so you wouldn't have to.

(P.S., For the love of god, please don't get a nonbinary gender marker on your driver's license; the last thing we need is you getting shot at a routine traffic stop.)

[roadkiii]

Entry 1.4.7-2 - The Long Grind

Welcome to my blog. I’m not tagging anything but entry #, so sorry if my unrelated mess somehow ends up in your search.

There are so many features I'm excited for, I think I'll also add a couple of planned intermissions waaayy down the line just for me to look at and look forward to. Life stress is getting to me, but I want this world to be my kind of happy place so that A) I continue to work on it, but more importantly B) I'm doing something productive (to me anyway) with my time and not doomscrolling. If I'm going to stare at a screen for several hours straight I'd much rather give myself the space to think for myself and the opportunity for a creative outlet than mindlessly swapping between tumblr and youtube to idly kill time.

I'm also excited to build little lore tidbits into this world, I just had a creeper explode and reveal this cave to me, I might just dig around and make this into some kind of excavation site when bone blocks are added.

I kind of like the idea of a crater-ridden desert (who knows, some future update may change it into something else anyway) and I could probably do some cool fossils, they'd be massive. maybe just partially exposed sometimes in the sand.

AH MY BELOVED [I AM ACTIVELY BEING SHOT]

???? what genie magic have I activated can i please just get mellohi--

Also side note, I've been messing around on a creative world and I think if I just eat a gapple and get Smite V I really only need like two Healing II potions and a bucket of milk and I could probably kill the wither more than 3 times. The reason I think this is so doable is because I've been building the wither with the obsidian end pillars. The wither typically doesn't get very far so a bow isn't even needed.

[Pic from creative world] I'm basically getting more obsidian AND a star. plus I think I read that the pillars regenerate when you respawn the dragon later. Though maybe that won't happen here. I'll have to see.

I need more EXP to try for Smite since I already enchanted my bow (Power IV BD I'm okay with it tbh) and I still want carrots, so I'll create a zombie exp farm. I'm following this tutorial so I hope it'll still work.

Okay, seems functional. I do hear thunder though, so I'm a little nervous about what's happening on the surface.

I couldn't quite follow the instructions of his tutorial since soul sand doesn't exist yet, but I got lucky with my bedrock and they fall to 22 blocks right here. This will be so fucking nice. As I sit and idle though, the zombie sounds make me so anxious while I'm looking away from the screen lol

I'm hoping to get a full set of chainmail at some point as well, so this should be helpful.

One annoying part of this grinder is that I keep having to run back and forth, if I sit at the bottom and wait I think I'm out of the function distance for the spawner. I'm also not certain how many zombies I can have at a time down there, I see the number 24 thrown around a lot, but I don't know if that's a recent update. I do have two carrots though, so I guess I'll run up and plant those, maybe use some bonemeal (before that gets nerfed in 1.5 (or maybe I'll just wait until i hit 30 xp)

gdi again with the sharpness >:/ I'm happy to have looting now but this may take A While. I'd take Smite III at this point, but all I ever seem to get is sharpness.

okay I guess I can consider the farm done, the pigs and cows haven't been escaping from their pens so I'm not focused on getting [edit from months in the future: this was just left incomplete. dont work on your projects high kids.]

Now I guess I need to start putting this sword to use and get some skulls so I can actually summon the wither.

FUCK

Okay. I got Very lucky, none of my enchanted tools or the single skull I have fell. I'm going to take a break because that wasn't good for my blood pressure.

I think I'm genuinely going to need to grind for a while, so [letsgameitout voice] hold please

next (1.4.7-3)

[razanartuk]

about me tag game thing

i was tagged by the wonderful @nothingunrealistic! thank you very much ily <3

under read more bc i was not capable of keeping my answers brief this time around

why did you choose your url?

this...was supposed to be a short explanation but it turned into quite a tale so strap in i guess because we are going on a ride. back in 2017 i was just getting into musical theatre rp and i was still feeling too shy to really talk to anyone ooc so i would just wait for people i wanted to interact with to post starter calls so i could just do things in character with them the easy way. So i did this with my friend cam, who posted a starter for me using a lyric from If I Could Tell Her. she linked the song so i could listen to it, so i did and i went ‘wait a minute, is that Ben Platt from Pitch Perfect?? (and other things too, but i only recognized his voice at the time bc of the acappella girl movies)’ and yes it certainly was.

i had zero idea what the plot of Dear Evan Hansen was about at that point, and for some reason based off Just That One Song and the poster art of who i assumed was Some Guy in a Polo Shirt i started to think it was about some jock guy who broke his arm and had an emo/goth friend who had either died or gone missing under mysterious circumstances. also i intuited that Evan had a crush on his friend’s sister but he couldn’t tell her that directly or his emo friend would kick his ass. so i was like mostly wrong, but a little bit right.

oh and i knew jared and alana were characters from the show bc cam said that they were i think?? but i had no idea what their role was. so after listening to if i could tell her, i listened to good for you and all i really got out of that was that evan the apparently not-jock guy had done...something... that really hurt jared and alana. and at that point i finally decided to go look up a plot synopsis and i found out i was waaay off base. but honestly this is why cast recordings should include scene dialogue in the songs bc otherwise you just get soundtracks like dear evan hansen where the songs have like. zero context. we really just go from waving through a window to for forever to sincerely me without like. any reason as to what is happening huh. It’s honestly not a surprise anymore that all those people on twitter had no idea the plot isn’t about gay teenagers.

anyways. cam was writing jared and she made a post at one point about wishing somebody would write alana and i was like ‘oh i could do that!’ (after i had actually Seen a bootleg and finally knew what the whole story was, of course) so i made a multimuse rp blog featuring alana beck, nabulungi hatimbi, chloe valentine and some other characters, and cam started sharing her headcanons with me that alana is trans, jared and alana were close friends when they were little kids but they sort of drifted apart as they got older and their priorities in life changed, jared was the first person alana came out to when she realized she’s trans, etc.

one night i started talking about wanting to pick a more theatre-relevant url for my blog and trans-[character name] urls were getting pretty popular, and at least 3 of the friends i made through rp had changed theirs to coordinating trans-[character name] and i think it was cam suggested i should make mine be trans-alana so i did. eventually i realized the unhyphenated version was available so i changed it to transalana with no hyphen and i have lived here ever since. sometimes i think about changing it but i feel like transalana has become a part of My Brand and i am not so great with coming up with cool names for things.

any side blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them

in theory, i have sideblogs... i don’t really use them, but of the ones i do have, there is:

emsbookblog - this was supposed to be where i would post excerpts of the book that i’m working on, but i think i did that maybe one time roughly 2 years ago and then promptly forgot about it/got nervous about my writing and was scared to share anything else. the rest of the stuff that is there is assorted writing tips. i don’t really know what to do with it now. i probably should post all my little thoughts about em and anita and caleb there instead of infodumping on my main from time to time, but if i do that then i have to promo a sideblog and direct people over to it which is always annoying to me when i could just do it on this blog which is much easier

dearnovelhansen - this is basically no longer used, but was a sideblog i made specifically to talk/complain about the novel adaptation of Dear Evan Hansen which was about 3 years ago?? maybe? i can’t be trusted to understand the passage of time. but to summarize: i thought it was an honor just to have the story be made more accessible since many of us couldn’t see the stage performance, but i hated a lot of the creative liberties that were taken. my main grumbles are that everyone who isn’t evan or connor is done so dirty in the novel. connor’s still kind of done dirty in the book, but not as much as like. heidi, alana, jared, and zoe are.

horseisle3 - this one was meant to be a place where i could just enthusiastically post screenshots from hi3, but instead it turned into a blog where i occasionally reblog other players’ hi3 content and bitch about how bad the game admins are bc hi3 is the tumblr famous (infamous?) homophobic horse game. the game where it was once okay to call your club store the gulag bc according to their head of hr, ‘it’s just a russian word for prison’ but you can’t say ‘im gay’ without somebody accusing you of corrupting young children who play the game. unfortunately there aren’t very many good interactive horse games out there, so this one is still about as good as it gets. it’s either that or star stable and i don’t care about star stable.

mlaenie - i’ve had this url saved for i don’t even know how long. way way way back in the day when i wanted to escape from the clutches of the onceler fandom i abandoned my first blog where i basically had an alter ego i guess?? and i decided to just be myself on the new blog. i don’t fully remember who came up with it, but one of my sister’s mutuals suggested that if you scrambled the letters in your name you could come up with aesthetic-looking urls. so lauren’s url became lrauen, and to match with her mine became mlaenie, which i abandoned on tumblr after about a year or so? but have continued to use as my main username on twitter, reddit, youtube, xbox, steam, and discord. i barely ever use any of these accounts aside from twitter, steam, and xbox, but yeah. so i’ve decided to try and turn this empty sideblog into a place for video game thoughts maybe. we’ll see how long it lasts this time around.

how long have you been on tumblr?

i made my first tumblr account in december of 2010, but i didn’t understand how to use it at all or how to customize my theme to look cool and unique so i quickly abandoned it. i made a new account in september of 2011 after some kids at school and my sister told me i should and i have been trapped here with varying degrees of activity/inactivity ever since. i have witnessed the rise and fall of the lorax/onceler fandom, hyperfocused on lord of the rings, star wars and back to the future all at the same time, and for the past 4 years i’ve mostly been a musical theatre blog with assorted other fandom stuff mixed in. i feel i have seen everything and nothing, but mostly i’m just tired and bored.

do you have a queue tag?

no bc i don’t use a queue. i’ve tried using it in the past but i irrationally feel pressured to sustain a coherent theme to queued posts and my brain simply does not vibe with that so i just don’t use it at all anymore. Instead i instantly reblog or post several unrelated thoughts in succession and then don’t post again at all for 3 days. the way god intended

why did you start your blog in the first place?

my very first blog was intended to be a place for me to post all of my petz 5 animals’ profile info, but i didn’t have any understanding of how coding worked at all and i don’t think i really wanted to learn, either. so it just sat there, unused. my second attempt at blogging was as a classic rock fandom person, so as you can probably imagine i was pretty pretentious about ‘modern pop’ vs the beatles, the rolling stones, the who, the monkees, and so on. and then i slowly devolved into a lorax fandom blog and everything went to shit so i made a new blog for lord of the rings/the hobbit which later evolved to include star wars and back to the future blogging. and then for the past 4 years i’ve been mainly a musical theatre blog with other random stuff i like thrown haphazardly into the pot. wonderful.

why did you choose your icon/pfp?

because my url is transalana and two of my most prominent lgbt headcanons are that alana beck is trans and a lesbian. i gotta be shouting out @kinqmike though bc she’s the one i adopted the trans alana beck headcanon from in the first place!

why did you choose your header?

in 2017 i was hyperfixating on Dear Evan Hansen (and Be More Chill, but there weren’t many gif-able videos then considering it ran for a month in New Jersey in 2015 and there was only one yet-to-resurface 35 minute bootleg) so i just grabbed a random gif off of google. i really should get to replacing it with a new header of my own though. i just don’t know what i should do for it.

what’s your post with the most notes?

i have lost track of how many notes it has (i think it’s somewhere around 200 now?) but when Will Roland and George Salazar performed Two Player Game on Good Morning America, i posted a screencap of their Jeremy and Michael along with that one quiz answer meme that says stuff like ‘i want to see it grow up healthy’. i didn’t tag it with any ship names or anything because i was anxious about having it show up in the tags, but somebody who reblogged it from me did tag it as boyf riends and i firmly believe it took off because of that. i don’t think i make posts that are relevant enough to amass thousands of notes, even by accident. which is probably a good thing bc if i did i would have to block so many of them.

how many followers do you have?

on this blog? 175 according to the counter. how many of those are still real people and how many are bots and abandoned accounts? i have no idea.

how many people do you follow?

i try to keep it somewhere around 200. i think i’m sitting at 180 right now but i kind of need to go through and clear out the really inactive blogs.

have you made a shitpost?

let’s think about this for a second. i’ve been on tumblr for nearly 10 years. you might even be able to say i’ve made more than one. they’re just not what you would call...popular shitposts.

how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ post?

that stuff makes me so incredibly anxious that i have to fight the urge to want to yeet my laptop or mobile device through the closest window whenever i read it, so i try very hard to avoid any sort of ‘if you don’t reblog this, i’m judging you’ posts. i find them very manipulative and not particularly helpful

do you like tag games?

yeah babey!! i just frequently forget to do them, but please know that if you have ever tagged me in a tag game i felt incredibly touched by the gesture and the @mention even if i completely forgot to do the thing afterward

do you like ask games?

i do! but also rip to literally anyone who has ever sent me an ask meme bc it takes me so long to answer them. i’m still working on a micro fic prompt from a few weeks ago. also, horrified to realized that it has in fact been a few weeks and not 3 days anymore.

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

i don’t know that any are tumblr famous as a whole. but probably @neverheardnothing

do you have a crush on a mutual?

in any sort of romantic connotation? no. not that i’m aware of. there are mutuals that i have friend crushes on where i want to be friends with them but i get so anxious when it comes to meeting new people that usually nothing ever comes of it. i’m really not good at small talk or other casual conversation either which, as you may or may not be able to imagine, sucks. i just wanna skip over all of the awkward introductions and ‘hey how are you, how is life, what are you doing with yourself?’ stuff. not because i don’t care about it. i do, but i think most of my friends/the people i want to be my friends are also depressed and anxious so asking these basic questions about life tends to uh. make us all nervous. and i don’t do much with my life so i always have the most boring answers anyways.

i’m not tagging anyone officially bc the @ thing has just completely given up on me at this point, but if you want to do it, go for it. and then say i tagged you so i can read it c:

[shinrasfirst]

38 and 8 BOOm

THE BE HONEST MEME

CW: Mention of THE TERM pe/dophilia, but like, literally only talking about the term.

8.  Name any three things about the rpc that bother you.

*eye twitches* I’ll try to not go full salt on this reply. Shady be with me. Cut because long.

a) This isn’t necessarily just the RPC but tumblr in general, but I see it a lot in the RPC. The thoughtless (mis)use/wrong use of certain terms that have actual meaning, often medical definitions, which devalues these terms in a way, and makes real conversations about serious topics difficult, because everyone and their grandma thinks they know what these terms mean but they actually don’t. Popular examples are: trigg/er (are you really triggered by a mentioning of that one fanon ship that’s the most popular alternative to your OTP? Or could it be that you just dislike it strongly?), <insert offense of choice>-phobic (saying that you dislike a character, who happens to be gay, doesn’t automatically make you homophobic and it’s insane to call someone that if “i don’t like <gay character XY>” is the ONLY thing you heard that person say. they might just dislike them for their dumb storyline or their haircut or one of a billion other stupid reasons that are entirely unrelated to their sexuality), or even ped/ophilia (sleeping with a 16-year-old, even if you’re over 18, is not pedo/philia. pe/dophilia implies a sexual attraction to prepubescent children. stop calling all underage ships ped/ophilia, it’s fucking wrong) [lol, pun not intended].  

b) The fact that some people aren’t able to differentiate between reality and fiction and then project that inability onto me. I can separate reality and fiction from each other, very easily, in fact. Therefore I will continue to write dark themes, such as toxic relationships, or insanity, and at the same time continue to be a law-abiding citizen who believes that kindness, mutual respect, and consent in all things are essential pillars of human interaction that could make the world a better place. If you can’t let go of what you write on a platform for fictional stories after you leave your computer, maybe you should go see someone about that. Don’t tell me what I am capable of doing and what not. I study thought experiments at university. I can think about something and try to understand it to a point where I could find arguments FOR it from this hypothetical stance in which a fictional person would condone/do them, without that bleeding into my “real life” persona in the slightest. Writers of fiction have been doing this for ages. If you’re uncomfortable with something, please by all means, don’t engage with it. But you can’t just erase every thought you find questionable from the world. That’s not how humans work. We need to think about things in order to understand them (which, in some cases, might be necessary to prevent them).

c) Callout Culture. We literally reverted back to the Dark Ages in which it was enough for one person to say SHE’S A WITCH and present some nonsense proof that was so biased it’s literally just someone’s personal recount of events (true or not) to mobilize an angry mob, consisting of people who don’t stop for a second to 1) question any of the presented evidence or 2) ask for the other side of the story / the accused’s POV. And then proceed to get so high up on their high horses that they somehow convince themselves it’s immoral to do <insert called out offense of your choice> but at the same time moral to send the accused death threats, ra/pe threats, or tell them to go kill themselves. I’m not here for this and I will never participate in it. Imagine doing that in “the real life” aka outside of the internet, I mean??

38.  What advice would you give to someone new to rp?

- Be active, be outgoing, be a positive presence, and you’ll find partners and friends sooner or later. Maybe not 500 of them and maybe not right away, but you will. - Remember everyone you talk to online is a real person sitting behind a computer. Be respectful in your requests and in the way you handle replies, memes-- everything. You don’t owe anyone replies or time, but you do owe your partners a certain level of politeness and respect, as this may not be face-to-face but it’s still human interaction and in such these principles should always apply. - There’ll be this one person, or maybe two people you absolutely adore. Like idols. They’re probably giant dorks. Just talk to them. - Having popularity/high follower count ≠ being a nice person. There are plenty of Regina Georges on this website, just like in real life. (Because, plot twist, this is real life.) Take your time looking at blogs and getting to know people - the popular ones, the less popular ones. Don’t just follow the stream :) You might find some hidden gems and avoid some huge shitstorms, lol. - Graphics are nice, but you’re probably here to write. So write. You’re not worth less as an RPer because you can’t use photoshop. - Being nervous to approach others is normal, I think. But try not to let it this anxiety take over. Most rpers are like spiders. They’re more afraid of you than you are of them. - You’re allowed to say NO if you dislike an idea/a portrayal/a person. You don’t owe anyone writing with them. - Check out the Three Laws of Fandom, and try to live by them. - If an RP blog has rules, please read them. They’re important for them and you. - Ship/kink shaming is rude and we don’t approve of it in this house. - You’re not worth less as a writer for not writing sm/ut, nor for writing a lot of it. - Pineapple on pizza is fucking amazing.

[neshabeingchildish]

Henry has a lot of inner thoughts that I’d italicized, but Tumblr always undoes that. So, the link is here because Idk that I’ll feel like going through to italicize it all again.

Mob Boss Joss Moss

Joss wasn't ready to jump to any immediate action on this matter. Firstly, although she was convinced, she would definitely have to have proof before just disappearing some kid in Swellview. She didn't have that kind of steelo just yet. A town like this, a kid goes missing and that's grounds to shut the whole town down. Bet it Kid Danger goes missing… well that meant that Captain Man had to show up. "Henry. Why don't we go back inside? I've got a little business with Natalie. You can wash up and get dressed and get ready to indulge." She gave him a point on the nose and turned to head to the beach house.

"I like indulging," Henry said, bashfully. His phone was inside. He didn't really need it. If the Man Cave needed him while he was in the water, they could reach him on the Whiz Watch. But, he checked it when he got inside, anyway. No signal. 

He set it down and Joss commented, "I'm having a bath drawn for us. There's dental supplies and refreshments waiting in there for you to get started while I quickly get up to speed on some business."

He blushed and nodded. Bath. For. Us? She and he? Like.. in the same…? Was it GO TIME?? More like HOE time, amarite? Nervous laughter. Why was he nervously laughing in his voiceover? Henry rushed into the bathroom and tried to contact Charlotte on his Whiz Watch. 

"Henry! Thank GOD! I've been trying to call you for… what are you wearing?"

"It's surf wear! But, I gotta tell you something. I think I'm in over my head. Joss had a bath drawn for us and I don't know what to do!"

"Get out of there! That lady Butler she has was in the store not too long ago and whatever she was up to, I know it was no good."

"Okay, so skip the bath, or…"

"SKIP THE BATH!" Charlotte screeched.

"Okay. I'll…" Joss came in and he shut off the connection. 

She raised her eyebrow and asked, "What the heck was that?"

"Nothing. Charlotte. I mean.. I've got one of those Pear watches that you can… SOooo… I don't know about this bath, Joss…"

"If you're shy, I'll turn around, so you can get in." She turned around and he nervously looked around the room. He couldn't see a way out. Maybe he'd get in the bath, and just have to try to escape later? What would Charlotte do? She'd consider the fact that I'm outnumbered and if I run, that many people will be after me on an island I'm not familiar with, with no Man Copter here to retrieve me yet. BUT, I can hide it out while they come to rescue me… They don't know where I am! Oh, but the location on my…

"Are you not interested in this, Henry?" Joss asked, with her back still turned.

"Of course I am…" he giggled and stepped into the tub in his surf short set. "I'm just gonna undress in here, beneath the bubbles and flower petals…" but within a few moments, he was passed out from the tonic that had been put into the bath. Joss grabbed a pair of rubber gloves from beneath the cabinet to let the water out without it touching her.

She whistled once and a few of her men came to collect him and bound him. "Search him for any devices that can be traced back to him, leave it all here and throw him in the boat." After that she took a shower. She smelled like beach.

.

Whenever the Man Copter hovered above the beach house, Charlotte read the scans. "Henry isn't here, but his stuff is." Captain Man went to go get it, in case there were henchmen waiting. There were. He fought them off, collected his things and got back into his ride. "We'll have to check all of the known Moss hideaways. Henry could be anywhere!” She was frustrated, but now wasn’t the time to vent her furious “I told all of you idiots” wrath… But, they’d better believe it was coming, eventually.

Captain Man, Schwoz and Jasper had separated to go check out hideouts as Charlotte found them and would alert the Man Cave whenever they located Henry, so that Captain Man would rush to the rescue. Charlotte wanted to go too, but she felt very passionately about making sure that Henry was found, before he was seriously hurt or something.

.

Henry blinked his eyes and his vision came in, a little blurry, but he realized soon that he was either drugged or bound or both. “Shwhat?” He said.

“Hello, Henry,” Joss said, now wearing an all black suit, with a team of decoys behind her and Natalie with her arms folded, glaring.

“This bath is trippy,” Henry said and laughed. 

“It’s the tonic that we slipped in it that has you trippy, Cute Stuff.” She said, leaning closer to him. “Don’t worry, it’ll wear off by the time Captain Man gets here.”

“Captain Man is coming here? You know him?” Henry asked.

“I know that you do, and that’s enough for me,” she said, turned on the balls of her feet and said, “Lock it up.” 

Henry eventually really came to inside of this cell, tied up with his arms out and legs down, like he was being crucified, and honestly, he was more worried about ow Charlotte was gonna nail him to the cross whenever he made it back to the Man Cave. What was she gonna say to him. “You were thinking with Jasper’s brain again, Henry. You do stupid stuff, Henry. She’s not even that cute and you got yourself drugged and tied up! Should’ve just let her kill you for being stupid! Naw… Charlotte would never go that far.” He tried to focus his eyes and study the room. His head was still spinning a little. “But, she warned me to be careful and I absolutely did not…” He noticed an opening in the ceiling where a vent was and began to look to see if he could possibly maneuver his way up there from where he was. “The gag is I literally tried to think with Charlotte’s brain, at every turn. Well, I didn’t TRY, but I kept finding myself doing that. Whenever you know somebody that smart, you try to see the world through their eyes, to make yourself better. You’re not supposed to view the world through… your one eyed monster…” He threw his head back and now said, “Charlotte, if you save me, I promise to not think with the wrong head again!”

Charlotte heard him speaking in the background somewhere. “Hen!” She whispered to herself. Wherever Joss had the camera that Charlotte planted on her, that’s where she was keeping Henry, or at least where he was being monitored from. She tracked it and tried to get in touch with the others, to let them know where Henry actually was… “Schwoz! I’ve found Henry. I’m sending the address out right now.”

Schwoz said, “I seem to have fallen into a boobsie trap. I am going to need to figure out a way to get out of here. Go on without me.”

“Wait. Those places have boobie traps! That means Jasper has probably gotten trapped too!” She tried to get in touch with Jasper, who was in fact, caught in a trap, but able to reach his phone. He pressed the button, then dropped it though and groaned trying to reach it. “Jasper? Jasper? Are you stuck in a boobie trap?”

“More like a butt trap!” He yelled to the phone and looked behind him at the gobs of bubblegum he was stuck in. “I sure hope this is just pressed and not chewed gum…” 

She rolled her eyes and hung up. “Captain Man… If you tell me that you’re stuck in a boobie trap, I will lose it!”

“Okay. Then, I will not tell you that. But, if you can get Schwoz to come to where I am for something completely unrelated, that will be appreciated.” She hung up on him too. 

“I am the only professional in this outfit!” She screamed, grabbing rescue gear. Those idiots in the traps would have to fend for themselves for a moment. She’d send the police to try to help, but Henry was actually in the clutches of a villain, so that’s where she was headed first. She probably should go to Ray first… but… No… These are the same people who (not knowing that he was Captain Man) were going to barbeque someone! She had to get to Henry in a hurry. She hated driving, but Henry was in trouble and her heart was beating in her throat now that she remembered that he could be being roasted on an open fire. “Henry, if you die before I can rescue you, I am gonna kill you dead!” 

.

Henry took a deep breath and struggled again to at least budge his restraints, but it was no good. He only tired himself out for the fifth time and now, he had to catch his breath again. Besides, they were probably watching him, anyways. He started (now) looking to see if he could detect any hidden cameras and wondering about if help was on the way. Probably not. Charlotte told him to get out of there and what did he do? Get in the bathtub and got himself skin drugged. He didn’t even know that was possible. But, what could he have done? Maybe mushed Joss in the face and took off running? But, if she wasn’t a mobster chick and he’d just mushed her face and ran, imagine the backlash for that!

Henry Hart, the Playground Pooper has entered news today again, after pushing Joss Moss’s face with his wide open hand and leaving abruptly following a fun date! Like… I need another L this year. My biggest L is not listening to Charlotte. I shouldn’t even have been on the date! I guess… I was really just trying to keep my mind off of all the weirdness with her lately. I don’t even know if she knows, but I KNOW, so… I don’t know, you know? WHO am I speaking with, here? This is an inner-monologue. Why ask ‘you know?’ to yourself, Dude? And now, you’re just off topic…

He thought that he saw a small flicker of a light in the corner. But, probably not. Charlotte was most likely doing everything in her power to get him home safely. The others probably were doing… well… what they could. Now, all he could think about was how he might die here. He might not get out. He might not get rescued. He might die and Charlotte might not ever know that he thought about her. 

If I make it out of here, I should at least tell her about that weird inception dream that I had where she was dreaming about me kissing her. She’ll think that means that I wanna kiss her though, and I DON’T… But… I will if she figures out a way to save me. Ugh. She’d probably hate that. She’ll probably hate to hear that I had this dream. She’ll probably ask, “Why couldn’t you just dream about kissing me? Why dream about me dreaming about kissing you?” And give me the most wrinkled ‘You’re an idiot’ grimace that her face can contort into. 

Man… My arms and legs are gonna be so sore. I could really use a sit in Piper’s massage chair when I get out of here. The things that I wouldn’t do to be in that chair again… I hope that Charlotte remembers me a hero, and not an idiot. Why am I back on this Charlotte line of thinking? I need to be thinking LIKE Charlotte to get out of here, not ABOUT Charlotte…

He sighed and threw his head back again, wishing that he was drugged again. All of his muscles were hurting, at this point and he could simply die, to be honest. He was ready. “I’m ready to die, now!” He called out, to whoever was probably watching him. 

“You’d better not be!” He heard Charlotte snap in s low hiss.

His head perked up and... yes! She came through the door and there were two guards unconscious in front of it. She had the look on her face, but he knew that she didn’t have time to really give it to him, so she was in there, getting him down, with the door jammed opened, so that nobody could shut her inside while she cut him loose.

“I expected to find Captain Man to the rescue, but somehow… This will bring me more pleasure,” Joss said,  when she saw her on the camera. “I’m going to go handle this,” she told Natalie. “Have the clean up crew on standby.”

Charlotte had almost gotten Henry loose when she heard the clacking of shoes coming down the hallway and she said, “It’s Joss!” Henry was released enough to free himself and she really didn’t want to be trapped in there, too, with all the guys incapacitated, so she said, “Be right back!” And got out of the room. 

She saw Joss, standing on the far end. She stopped walking and shook her head. “This was a very stupid thing for a girl as smart as you to do, Charlotte.”

“Bold of you to think that I’ve been working with him for all these years and a little bit of stupid didn’t rub off,” Charlotte said, smoothly and pointed a thumb at Henry, who was trying to free himself. 

“It’s not ‘a little stupid’ it’s VERY stupid,” Joss reiterated. 

“Look, I don’t really like to do a lot of overexertion, so can the fight sequence start? Because the sooner it starts, the sooner it ends, and an episode of Titans drops tonight…” Charlotte said, unphased. “Oh, but… you don’t blink for bugs,” Charlotte said. 

“Thank you for reminding me,” Joss said and then clacked her fan, which sent a small army of Joss decoys charging at Charlotte.

She reached for her zapper and shook her head, “You hate to see it,” she said and began to zap each of them down until they stopped coming for her. By that time, Henry had gotten himself free. “She knows who you are, so you might as well get ready for the fight.”

“The fight. It’s just her. We can just take her in,” Henry said, pointing a hand at Joss. Joss smirked and took off running, Charlotte gave chase, almost immediately. There was no way she was letting her get away! Henry blew a bubble and headed in that direction, too… but henchmen came. “OF COURSE!” He grumbled and began to fight them off as Charlotte vanished behind Joss through a door that shut after she went through. CHAR! He fought the henchmen down and went to try to find Charlotte, just in case she was rushing into another trap. Joss really didn’t seem to like her. But, he couldn’t budge the door… “Char!” He screamed.

“Henry?” She called back. “Ummm… This is a trap…” She said. “I think I can make it out. Go around and try to get her!” 

He nodded, but when he turned, Joss was right there and she spun around and kicked him in the face. “Oh my God! That hurt!” Joss let out a loud shriek and kicked him again as he leaned over and knocked him out that time. She shook her head at her henchmen and decoys, then opened the door for Charlotte who rushed out and immediately checked on Henry.

“There is more danger where this came from,” she said, smugly.

Charlotte nodded her head, gently set Henry’s on the ground and stood up. “Yeah, there is. For you!”

[jahaanofmenaphos]

Art by the awesome @tommieglenn!

Of Gods and Men Summary:

When the gods returned to Gielinor, their minds were only on one thing: the Stone of Jas, a powerful elder artefact in the hands of Sliske, a devious Mahjarrat who stole it for his own ends and entertainment. He claims to want to incite another god wars, but are his ulterior motives more sinister than that? And can the World Guardian, Jahaan, escape from under Sliske’s shadow?

Read the full work here:

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QUEST 04: THE BATTLE OF LUMBRIDGE

QUEST SUMMARY:

Now that the gods can return to Gielinor, Saradomin and Zamorak waste little time and return to war once more. This time, Lumbridge is their battlefield. While the battle wages on, Jahaan tries to find out more about the mysterious Mahjarrat who has taken a particular interest in him…

CHAPTER 4: RECONSTRUCT

By this time, most of the innocent civilians of Lumbridge had been evacuated from their homes, sent as refugees either to Al Kharid or into camps bordering Draynor Village, safe behind the battlelines. That left Lumbridge up for grabs, a blood-soaked playground for the gods and their armies.

Sir Owen, the man with a forehead that just didn’t quit, entered the command centre, saluting Sir Tiffy when he approached him. “Sir.”

“How goes it, Sir Owen?” Sir Tiffy enquired, a teacup sealed to his hands indefinitely.

“I have been confiring with a small selection of trusted mages, priests and divination experts in trying to comprehend the peculiar green substance that has appeared in the ground,” he explained, handing over a collection of scribbled notes and diagrams for reference, which Sir Tiffy examined closely, his monocle doing most of the work. “It’s undoubtedly divine energy, from the gods.”

“Hmm, yes, yes. And what do we know of this divine energy, beyond the fact that it is, indeed, divine?”

“Not much so far,” Ariane admitted. Being a respected member of the Legends’ Guild, Ariane had rightfully earned her place at the side of the highest ranking Saradominist knights, a trusted advisor. “The leading theory is that this is leftover energy from Guthix’s death, and said energy can be harnessed by the gods to increase their power, hence Saradomin has ordered us to collect it from craters scattered around Lumbridge and deliver it to him.”

“Unfortunately, it’s not as easy as that,” Sir Owen regretfully informed, “While our armies outnumber the Zamorakians two to one, I am ashamed to report that their fighting prowess outmatches that of most of our lower ranked knights. The numbers disadvantage has not phased them, and we have been unable to capitalise.”

“I see…” Sir Tiffy took a thoughtful, prolonged sip of his tea. “We need to get that energy to Saradomin, but if we send our boys out to do nothing else, they’ll get slaughtered, what? So, I propose this,” he turned to Sir Owen, instructing, “Split your forces into quarters. I want a quarter to gather the energy, a quarter to act as their bodyguards, and the remaining half to tackle the Zamorakians head on. We need to keep that pressure on them, or else ol’ Zamorak will get all the divine energy himself!”

“Yes sir,” Sir Owen saluted, leaving to complete his orders.

Finishing up the last of his tea, Sir Tiffy offered, “Right, hm, anyone fancy a cuppa?”

In the end, Jahaan had spent a week in that Nardah inn, and he was becoming restless. It wasn’t exactly a tourist destination, Nardah, and he didn’t want to fork out the money to travel to the next biggest city, Pollnivneach.

Briefly, the thought crossed his mind to travel back to Menaphos. Actually, the thought crossed his mind several times, persistent and unrelenting, especially as more days passed.

But in his heart of hearts, he knew he didn’t want to go back.

He didn’t want to go back to The Golden City, to walk through the imposing gates that towered into the clouds and beyond.

He didn’t want to walk through the district of the merchant’s who flogged their wares tirelessly, from silk to golden lamps, so abrasive to outsiders and yet so dependent on their business. Where the streets were perfectly paved and those that resided their wore beautiful robes of blue and gold, woven by a delicate hand.

He didn’t want to pass by the worker’s district, where the less fortunate found themselves trapped in an endless cycle of poverty, reduced to working the clay mines. It was the only part of the city with an altar.

He didn’t want to look up at the Golden Palace in the Imperial District, the district where only the upper echelons of society could take resident. The architecture was at its finest here, polished marble and brilliantly carved stone constructing every building and statue.

He didn’t want to walk across the city’s main plaza; here, the statues of the four lesser deities of the Pantheon - Het, Apmeken, Crondis and Scabaras - were erected.

He didn’t want to end up back in the Port District where the stench of raw fish blended together with salty sea air would coat your lungs and throat in a mere moment. He didn’t want to see any of the children running across the pathways, gawking at the tremendous ships with mouths hung agape.

It had been just over ten years, and he didn’t want to go back. He’d be going back a changed man, someone alien in comparison, near unrecognisable to those who once knew him. He most certainly didn’t want to be recognised by anyone who once knew him. It wouldn’t be a welcomed reunion on any account; a lot would love to see his head detached from his shoulders for all he put them through.

Jahaan didn’t want to relive the memories of everything he was back then.

He especially didn’t want to see his uncle, if the man was even still alive. He’d been a fisherman, earning a decent enough living to provide for the two of them. The fact that he’d been a decent enough man to adopt Jahaan from his mother who was content enough to leave him on a church doorstep, or worse, spoke volumes of his character. And yet, Jahaan never showed enough gratitude, never properly repaid the man for all he’d done.

His uncle wasn’t proud of him. That much was obvious. Why would he be? He was left raise a child that learned to talk back as soon as he could speak, ran with the wrong crowds as soon as he was old enough to sneak away, either staying out all night or being dragged home by the authorities, caught in the middle of some petty crime. He taught himself to fight, and fight well, preferring the lessons life threw at him over the ones he could have learned if he’d ever turned up to his studies.

He left home before his fifteenth birthday, and left Menaphos before he turned twenty-five, having not returned since.

However, Jahaan had changed. He knew he had. From the people that came into his life, like Ozan, and from the travels he embarked on, his character had been shaped for the better. Compassion over callousness, honour and loyalty over selfishness, treating people with respect and kindness over dominating them with fear.

But Jahaan did not want his uncle to know this. He wanted his uncle to live and die thinking that his nephew was scum, that he’d never amount to anything, because that’s what Jahaan felt like he deserved. He didn’t want his uncle’s approval, because he’d never earned it.

That’s why he couldn’t go back to Menaphos.

That’s why, the next day, he headed back to Al Kharid, to be the World Guardian, to help the wounded, to be a good person, or as good as anyone can be in this world.

The journey from Nardah on the magic carpet wasn’t much better than the journey going. In fact, he felt significantly worse after landing, having to take a good five minutes sitting at the edge of a sandy pavement before his head stopped spinning. After that, he made for the medical tents.

When Jahaan finally found Ozan, he was perched on the bedside of a young boy, a bandage wrapped around his forehead. His mother was next to them, and they all laughed at something Ozan had said.

Jahaan enjoyed watching the scene; it warmed his heart. So, he patiently waited for his friend to naturally catch his eye. It took a few minutes, but he did so, a wide grin spreading across his face as he excused himself and hurried over to Jahaan. “You’re back!”

“I’m back,” Jahaan confirmed, returning the grin. “Miss me?”

“Like a hole in my heart,” Ozan waved a theatrical hand towards his chest. “How was the desert? Did you end up in Menaphos?”

“No, I decided against it. I went to go see Wahisietel, though.”

“He’s… one of the Mahjarrat, right?”

“Sliske’s half-brother,” Jahaan explained, wincing at the way Ozan reacted to the tainted name. “Don’t worry, he’s nothing like him. He’s not too different from his Ali the Wise persona.”

Ozan was visibly relieved. “That’s good to hear. I’m glad you left when you did - there was a bit of a ruckus not too long after you left.”

The guilt returned to Jahaan in a heartbeat. “Shit. There wasn’t another fight, was there?”

Ozan shook his head. “Fahri calmed them down. They haven’t been back since. I’m hoping by the end of the war they would have forgotten about you.”

“I’m hoping for the same thing,” Jahaan gave a nervous laugh. Then, he rubbed the palms of his hands together and asked, “So, where can I get stuck in?”

The war lasted thirteen bloody weeks, casualties of unfathomable proportions amounting on both sides. The two deities were so well-matched in terms of power that it came down to who could gather the most of Guthix’s remaining energy. That ended up being the deciding factor in their war.

Then, one day, the dust would finally settle.

A warcry, a scream, a blue and gold trimmed cape dancing behind Saradomin as he persisted, relentlessly, in his attack. The divine energy that was being channeled into him flowed through his veins, coursing like electric-charged blood throughout his body. The stream of energy that pooled out of his hand and towards Zamorak was increasing by the second, and he knew that the battle was swayed firmly in his favour. His armies had kept the black knights at bay and had collected more of Guthix’s divine energy than their Zamorakian counterparts; it wouldn’t be long now before he could end his rival once and for all.

With growing confidence, he sent an extra surge towards the red-winged Mahjarrat. Zamorak kept up the defence, but he was straining, his knees buckling under the weight of Saradomin’s attack.

More of Guthix’s power flowed into his staff, and with a blood-thirsty growl, he swung the staff towards Zamorak and shot a heavy burst of energy at him, causing his foe to fall to his knees, gasping for breath.

It was then that Saradomin began to charge.

Narrowing his eyes into slits, shining with anger and desperation, Zamorak threw everything he had back at his blue-skinned rival, every last ounce of power he could summon.

It was enough to halt Saradomin in his tracks and cause the deity to falter, being pushed backwards and struggling under Zamorak’s might.

But it wasn’t enough.

Saradomin countered the attack, using the energy poured him to Zamorak’s detriment, redirecting it back at the Mahjarrat. A stream of red-tinted magic became washed away in a tidal wave of blue, and when the energy made contact with Zamorak’s chest, the deity was thrown backwards, tumbling to the ground. A limp hand clutched at his own chest as he fought for breath, trying not to slip into the realms of unconsciousness. He knew Saradomin would be charging up another attack, a killing blow, but no matter how hard he tried to will his limbs to move, they simply wouldn’t cooperate; blackness danced around the edges of his mind, daring to take over completely.

In a flash, the pink-eyed woman teleported beside her fallen master, pulling him upright, terrified and helpless as he lulled forwards, coughing up blood and bile.

Saradomin’s staff glowed, and in her peripheral vision, she saw this.

Knowing there was no alternative, that her master would die if she did not interfere, she raised a hand to the skies and teleported the two of them away to safety, just as Saradomin made a move to strike.

Clenching his fists, Saradomin roared in frustration, cursing in a tongue long-since abandoned, but the scream of “COWARD” could be heard across all of Lumbridge and beyond.

Once he calmed himself down, Saradomin turned to what was left of his armies, surveyed all that remained of Lumbridge, and raised his staff to the skies, crying out, “Victory is ours!” before teleporting away, leaving rubble, wounded and dead in his wake.

As soon as it had begun, the battle was over.

Saradomin had won, and Fahri and Jahaan got very drunk on Ozan’s dime that night.

Nobody ever really thinks too much about the aftermath of a war, what happens to the regular people whose lives have been turned upside down for a conflict that wasn’t theirs.

The dairy maid whose livestock were slaughtered in the crossfire, her prized dairy cow being her prime source of income, now buried among the rubble. The master farmer to the north, whose entire farm was trampled by the careless foot of a callous deity who cared little for his livelihood. The entire townsworth of people uprooted by the chaos, now trying to locate their houses among the charred remains of Lumbridge. Merchants who had stores in the town now had nowhere to sell, and no-one to sell too. After all, who was interested in a new pickaxe when you don’t even have a roof over your head?

The displaced populous were left to shelter in makeshift camps, soldiers handing out rations and allocating tents. Some remained Al Kharid, allowed refugee status; the kind folk of the city even offered spare rooms to homeless families, if they had room to spare.

Then there was the case of the injured; people don’t stop dying after the battle stops. Lingering injuries may take bad ways, old wounds can reopen if not treated properly, and some people never wake up from comas they’d fallen into.

The rebuilding effort started with the soldiers and knights of Saradomin’s forces - you can say that about them, they didn’t abandon the town like the Zamorakians did. Soon after, men and women who were fortunate enough to survive the war and leave unscathed volunteered to help. Granted, as soon as some of the less injured became mobile, they joined in too. It became quite a well-oiled machine, coordinated by the Duke and some of the higher tiered Saradominist soldiers. Carpenters and construction workers from across Gielinor were contracted by the Duke to aid in the rebuilding, bringing with them supplies and tools. It certainly strained the town’s money purse, but it was necessary.

The first priority was to clear away the rubble, shaping an outline of what the town was before the war, with broken cobbles forming paths that led to half-destroyed buildings. The task was beyond a facing, but there was hope.

Five weeks had passed, and morale was high on the Lumbridge side of the fence. Some people were even able to return to their homes. At least, those on the outskirts… the centre of the town was another matter entirely.

Jahaan and Ozan had remained in Al Kharid after the battle had ceased in order to aid the wounded and help them recover enough to return to Lumbridge, or to find them shelter somewhere in the desert city. The amount of injured soldiers they had taken in stretched their efforts to full capacity, but they just about managed.

It was wrong, and he knew it, but Jahaan couldn’t help feel a twinge of pride at his efforts in the war. It was a change, managing to help people without violence, without having to kill in the process. Ozan, too, had become a completely different man. The children had taken to naming him ‘Ozzy’, and wouldn’t let him go more than a few hours before whining for his attention, either to play little games or to be told a story. Ozan LOVED telling stories, and the children lapped it up like cats with tuna.

Now, Jahaan wasn’t overly fond of children, but even he thought it was borderline adorable.

Jahaan had just finished re-wrapping the wound of a white knight and left to go and check up on the Temple Knight four beds down who had taken an arrow to the knee, but when he heard the loud echo of his rumbling stomach, he remembered that he hadn’t eaten in about eighteen hours.

It had been a LONG night. They were always long nights.

Still, Jahaan thought he could justify taking just five or ten minutes to grab a kebab, maybe hydrate a little, before getting back into it all.

Best laid plans and all...

He was making his way towards the war hospital entrance when someone ran full pelt into his back, sending Jahaan stumbling forwards, almost tripping over his own feet in the process. Instinctively, Jahaan assumed he was being attacked, and thus went for his dagger. However, when he got a good look at who had crashed into him, his fighting instinct relaxed into confusion.

“Gypsy Aris?”

The woman had heavy black circles around her eyes, dark makeup contrasting violently with her pure white hair, pinned back by a violet headband. Age was not her enemy, nor her friend, as while she had wrinkles shaping heer features, her eyes were youthful, full of life and energy, but hidden within them were secrets and histories mere mortals were ignorant to.

These eyes shot up at Jahaan, wild, like a frightened deer. “It’s you! Thank Guthix I am not too late…”

Despite making a living as a fortune teller, Gypsy Aris never could quite handle the concept of being on time. Then again, it was this foible that saved her from being trapped under the Culinaromancer’s spell, for she arrived late to the meeting that he gate-crashed in his attempt to eliminate the Secret Council of Gielinor on his way to world domination.

Sound like a lot to take in? Jahaan had to deal with the fall-out, sending him halfway across the world in order to find each council member’s favourite recipe in order to free them from the trance they were stuck in.

Sometimes adventurers really do get the craziest of assignments.

This was his last encounter of the gypsy; he hadn’t seen her since, for her tent was located in the middle of Varrock Square, and Jahaan would rather eat his own toenails then travel to Varrock.

“What are you doing here?” he asked, chuckling lightly at her flustered state. “The battle’s over.”

“I had a vision!” she proclaimed, loud enough to get some shady looks from passersby. In light of this, he ushered her towards an unoccupied tent as she babbled, “It was you! But you move, by the gods you move so much, I feared you would not be here, but here you are! I have to tell you, it’s important.”

“Okay, calm down, calm down,” Jahaan tried to ease her, motioning for her to sit on the edge of a bed, but she refused.

“We have no time, World Guardian,” she hurriedly explained, “Oh yes, I know you’re the World Guardian. Guthix bestowed you a great honour, a blessing and a curse, as it will all come down to you, Jahaan Alsiyad-Abut. It is how it has always been, but will change. You have always been written, but now revealed. But ah, the souls, they will not rise! It is then your fate will be sealed, the path you can’t ever walk away from. Are you ready to do your duty, World Guardian?”

Jahaan didn’t do a great job of hiding his perplexion. What on Gielinor is she talking about? Why can’t these mystic types ever speak coherently?

For some reason, in all her power and wisdom, Gypsy Aris didn’t register Jahaan’s confusion, and seemed to be waiting anxiously for an answer.

Hesitantly, Jahaan ventured, “Y-Yes…?”

Gypsy Aris exhaled in relief so deeply that it felt like she was breathing out all her life essence at once, her enter body falling forwards. She stopped moving for a few seconds, and Jahaan genuinely wondered if she’d ACTUALLY somehow let go of her life essence, just deciding to die there and then.

But just as he went to shake her, she bolted back to life, rummaging through her pockets and practically throwing a handful of rune stones at Jahaan. Startled, he scrambled not to let go of them, starting to ask, “What are these f-”

“When you leave here, they will find you. These mortals do not forget,” the word ‘explained’ was tentative at best, but Gypsy Aris tried to convey something to Jahaan. “They will trap you, and you must use these to flee. When the time comes, you will know. Let the magic take you. Then HE will find you, for the souls will not rise, and death will cease to be. You must help him.”

She took Jahaan’s hands in hers, clutching onto them desperately, her eyes burning into his. “When the world speaks, you must listen.”

Suddenly, she released him, straightening up her headband as she said, “I must leave. Remember your purpose, Jahaan.”

And with that, she disappeared in a twirl of golden energy.

Jahaan slumped down onto the bed next to him, his mouth still hung agape as it hand been since she’d started talking. He tried to replay the conversation in his head, but in slow motion, attempting to decipher at least some of what she was going on about.

While Gypsy Aris was certainly a character, unfortunately she was almost always onto something, and her visions rarely lied. She seemed panicked, desperate, and it had something to do with him.

How did she know Guthix’s last words? I never told them to anyone…

That was only one of the many mysteries she had teased in her babbling. Delicately, he toyed with the rune stones in his palms - a law and water rune. Law runes were typically used for teleportation spells, and if water runes were added to them, that would transport him to Ardougne.

Why Ardougne? He puzzled, the words and phrases of the gypsy’s monologue rattling around his aching head. Tucking the runes away in his pocket, he continued to make his way towards Ali the Kebab Seller, hoping that everything would miraculously make sense on a full stomach.

DISCLAIMER:

As Of Gods and Men is a reimagining, retelling and reworking of the Sixth Age, a LOT of dialogue/characters/plotlines/etc. are pulled right from the game itself, and this belongs to Jagex.

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[whoviandoodler]

Just venting

I have slept through the afternoon because these last few days that are slowly turning into weeks I have been struggling with sleeping at night, and I had overall been stressed today even though I had both math and Latin at school at the end of the day- my two favourite subjects since I love the teachers as well as the material-, due to the changes our headmistress and the ministry are pushing onto the teachers that will make the environment even more needlessly competitive and therefore more stressful for people like me who are excellent students but can’t reach full potential due to mental illnesses, while those who don’t do anything ever will continue to do nothing ever. 

Anyway, I got up and then had a conversation with my darling mother, which as per usual spiked my temper and threw me off the trails I’ve been trying to make to be calm and let my brain rest a little from everything, so I went into my room feeling way worse than I had 5 minutes ago since I’m in this emotional hole trying to fight depression off where the smallest of things push me over into nothingless, and when I finally calmed down enough to go and eat dinner, my dad was like ‘you look like you had been in a 9 year coma’.

Like thanks dad but be reassured it’s just your depressed and anxious daughter who seriously needs a therapist but will never get one because we live in an ableist world where talk of mental illnesses is still stigmatized, which then makes it near impossible for people like me, who have grown up with this belief that if you cry, admit you are sick or in pain, share your emotions, you are considered weak, to come out and ask for help. 

And the thing is, I think they know I need help. I have self-harm scars all over my legs, but they choose to believe it was the cat, because they would have believed anything just so they don’t have to face that I might be ill. At the time, I was terrified they would figure it our when we went to the seaside, but confronting me would have been the right thing to do- calmly, responsibly and like a parent should act. 

Last year around this time, especially by the end of the year when I was so deep in the depressed-miss classes bcs you couldn’t study-depressed-miss more classes cycle that I could barely keep up with the classes, I seriously considered just ending it, every.single.night. I couldn’t live with my head anymore, and everything was just too much. 

I have grown so much as a person, and I am really trying to deal with my illness the best I can at the moment, trying to take it slowly and not aim for the stars when I know right now I just couldn’t handle it, take things day by day while also trying to ease my future as well as my present, but it is hard when anything can set me off. 

If you are reading this, for whatever reason, as a parent or as a person who might be a parent in the future and isn’t mentally ill, don’t ignore the signs, even if you think you are being paranoid, get them to a therapist. And first of all, teach your children it is okay to be sick and it doesn’t make you a freak- not just those out-of-the-blue, sit-on-the-couch talks where your kids are super nervous thinking they are in trouble and just want to slither out, but also on daily basis when you talk about mentally ill fictional characters, celebrities, friends etc.

Totally unrelated, it is SO much easier to use tumblr on a laptop than on the phone in case anyone’s wondering.

[enniewritesathing]

57 Facts

I was tagged by the lovely @pink-chevalier, thank you ❤❤

Let’s see if I got 57 facts in me, lol.

My car, Sheila, is a stick shift. I’ve been dirving stick since I was 19. My dad taught me and I got it down within a day. The hardest part is stopping/going on a hill.

My favorite color is blue, but I love the darker shades of blue. They speak to me. (And they also taste good no matter what it is).

I’m 30, but I look half my age. At least according to everybody. It’s a curse. And don’t give me that, “but that’s good~”. 

I won a Xbox One X from Taco Bell last year. I’m just as surprised as you are. I’m gonna try and see if I can win the white one this year, lol.

My Steam queue and game queue in general? It’s outrageous. 

I served in the military (Air Force). I fixed radio equipment and antennas. 

For almost 3 years because I have really bad shins.

I lived in Germany when I was 2months - 4 years old. I don’t remember any of it, but we have a lot of pictures.

I got kicked out of a major university marching band because I was frustrated with a lot of things and I may have made a F-bomb laced post. (And I talked to the higher ups about stuff but they didn’t listen/did nothing about it). Someone snitched on me; still don’t know who did it. This was back when FB was college-only.

I played the clarinet from 6th grade up until that point. Should have taken up saxophone if I’m gonna be honest.

And then like a semester later, I flunked out. 

When I make OCs, I put a lot of thought into them.

I had a tough love approach to making them, but I'm way gentler now. Mostly.

I tend to make them in pairs? Or eventually they end up being together, lol. I think one pair is married?? But they all tend to have old married couple traits, I think. They *clearly* love each other.

I would make them in TS4, but I forgot what they look like... 😟

I'm 5'0.

I powerlift! Which is *very* different from Olympic Weightlifting! And bodybuilding is completely unrelated to both!

I don't look the part though. Powerlifting brings all sorts of body types.

I've been competing in the 84kg weight class for 3 years, and counting.

I've won 1 1st place, and 3 2nd place medals.

My total right now is about 610lbs for all three lifts. I've got a ways to go to start competing on regionals/nationals.

I have a meet on Saturday and I'm super nervous about it, lol.

I'm single, not sure how to mingle, and at this point... kinda don't want to?

Never really been in a relationship; some times I'm alright with this other times I'm cursing the universe.

I'm demisexual, or, somewhere on the ace spectrum. Demi fits me the most currently. (What's up my fellow aces 🖐)

I'm not aro tho. Give me that romantic shit!!!

Didn't figure this out until I was a whole ass 25 years old, and I found out via here and my hella good friend! And it's been a goddamn ride.

Now that I think about it, Brian is (most likely, but he may be grey-A) demi. I think. Probably.

I've known my good friend for 20 years? Almost 20 years! They have a tumblr too and of course we're mutuals and I love them to bits :>

I'm pretty shy.

I *do* have a type. Well, types, but I do love characters that are strong as hell, but also really sweet??? Like they can fuck you up, but also loves baby cats. A "bad boy" but a sweet boy.

Physically?? Oof. I have a tag on my main that's like my jam, aesthetic wise. They're so handsome. But my fav body type is actually the "lumberjack' build. I like a little beef ~_~

I started making poses because a lot of poses didn't fit my boys/very slim pickings and hardly nothing spicy wise, and I could never find anything super specific that I wanted.

I pretty much learned on my own through a LOT of practice with the Pose Helper. There was like one tutorial using the pose helper, and that was it. Lots of trial and error. If you really want to go through it, go through my ts4 pose wip tag. Like alllll the way back. It was a rocky start.

I do the NSFW/spicy poses in cycles. Basically, when the mood strikes me. I'm not sure what theme I'm gonna go with for the next one though. I've been wanting to do some stripper poses, but also light bondage or something. Hmm...🤔

I do enjoy making them, but 😳

My favorite pose set is probably Bare Knuckle because, at the time, the most complex thing I made and I'm super proud of it. The idea of fighting a literal demon just... came up lol. I am considering doing another Muay Thai centered pose set, but pic refs are hard to come by. The one I used for BK deactivated :(

I use a lot of refs. It's very okay to use refs! Sometimes I have to adjust them to accommodate male frames.

I have a weighted blanket and it's fantastic and if you're able to get one, I SUPER recommend it.

I was born 2 weeks late. Yeah, lol. Sorry, mom.

I have an older half brother. He's out there doing... stuff.

I have 4 nephews. That I know of.

Up until last year, I was the only granddaughter of my grandma. Now I'm the oldest!

I am older than my uncle by 4/5 years. (He was a late/surprise baby lol)

I have a bad habit of making faces. I am *very* expressive. Basically, I'm a walking reaction gif, lol. And I have gotten in trouble when I was younger.

I know how to read maps. Like actual road maps, and I can navigate by sight too. When I was younger, my dad gave me the role on long trips to help me read and know geography. I don't get lost.

I'm pretty hungry right now...

I used to play DDR. Like, an absurd amount of it, allll the way back when Max2/Extreme came out. Now? I play when I can.

Not as good as I used to be, stamina wise, but I still get ridiculously high grades/marksbn on songs. The highest difficulty rating I was at when I peaked was 16s. That's out of a 20 scale. Now? I'm lucky to clear a 13/14. There's a HUGE skill difference.

I have trouble verbalizing things in general. When I'm writing/typing, I'm fine. But speaking?? Forget it.

I am a naturally quiet person, which tends to unnerve a lot of people? I just don't have much to say on a lot of things.

People tell me some wild shit, but uh, I forget because I have a shitty memory and attention span.

Never been in a fight, but I did punch this bully that was messing with me back in kindergarten right in the stomach. Just dropped him. My dad taught me :>

I've been on Tumblr for a LONG ass time... since 2010. I've seen shit. This blog is I think 6 years old? But only 3ish years since it became a simblr, hence the name. It was for my writings at first but ~nobody came~.

I really do love making poses, yall. Even on days where I'm feeling crummy, I try and do one pose. Don't matter what it is.

Every time I get a message saying that my posts/cc brightens someone's day, it makes my whole damn week. Thank you for nice words. I still have an anon message that was sent months ago, saying they really love John and Brian's relationship with each other, and depicting what love is. Thank you, anon 😭😭😭

I love and appreciate every one of ya'll. Thank you for following me and sticking around with this small simblr. :)

57 is a LOT, but I somehow did it. If you wanna do it, considered yourself tagged. If not, that's cool, and if you read all of the facts... congrats, lol.

[foundcarcosa]

ccc.

1. Favorite childhood book? >> (Three hundred surveys posted to this blog, wow. --I mean, over the course of nearly a decade I’ve probably filled out at least ten thousand, but.) I think that distinction would have to go to The Phantom Tollbooth. It’s one of the only books I remember owning, probably because I’d paged through it so many times. I also modified all the illustrations with pen so that Milo looked like a woman. 2. What are you reading right now? >> Condensed Chaos by Phil Hine -- more like limping through it, because I stopped setting aside time specifically for reading so I just end up grabbing a half a chapter here and there. I’ll have to do something about that. I’d started The Poisonwood Bible a while ago, too, but I keep forgetting to continue it. 3. What books do you have on request at the library? >> I rarely borrow books from the library unless they’re e-books because of my tendency to have to repeatedly renew and eventually take it back before I’m finished because I ran out of renews. 4. Bad book habit? >> Not reading. 5. What do you currently have checked out at the library? >> I don’t, for the reasons stated above. But for all the shit I talk about Grand Rapids, it has a lovely main branch, so I’ll probably end up stopping in again soon, maybe spending a few hours there for a change of scenery.

6. Do you have an e-reader? >> I have a phone, which functions as my e-reader. I also have a Kindle, but between its wack amount of storage space and its quick-draining battery, it’s been relegated to the position of glorified mousepad at this point. (It’s too bad, because I like the screen size.) 7. Do you prefer to read one book at a time, or several at once? >> Two or three at once. I think it’s interesting to see if/how they subconsciously weave themselves together in my imagination, even if -- especially if -- they’re about completely unrelated things. 8. Have your reading habits changed since starting a blog? >> It’s the internet in general that interferes with my reading habits, not just tumblr, but tumblr obviously plays a part. 9. Least favorite book you read this year (so far?) >> I quit on Cormac McCarthy’s The Road like 10 pages in, and I don’t usually do that but for some reason I got bored really quickly and couldn’t see the point in pushing through. That’s not a total vote in its disfavour because I didn’t actually form a full opinion. Sometimes I just pick up a book at the wrong time and have to wait until I reach the point in my life when I’ll need it. I’ll probably try again in a couple of years. 10. Favorite book you’ve read this year? >> I really enjoyed Reincarnation Blues, I thought it was an amazing story. I also got a lot out of M. K. Asante Jr’s It’s Bigger Than Hip Hop. When the Stars Are Right by Scott R Jones was fascinating as hell, and then of course there was my long-overdue (or maybe right-on-time, considering...) American Gods reread... 11. How often do you read out of your comfort zone? >> Occasionally. The thing is, there are so many books in my comfort zone that I want to read... 12. What is your reading comfort zone? >> I don’t know if it’s quantifiable. I like a lot of different kinds of books. I usually know within 10-15 pages of a book if I’m going to like it or not -- I try not to judge books by their covers, but I definitely judge them by their first chapter. 13. Can you read on the bus? >> Sometimes, but I generally prefer to listen to music and look out the window.

14. Favorite place to read? >> In bed. 15. What is your policy on book lending? >> I’ll give books away. Just take it, read it. Pay it forward. I don’t like to hoard books. 16. Do you ever dog-ear books? >> Hell yes, I do. They’re not a sacred object to me; their contents may well be sacred, but their contents already exist in me because I ate them.  17. Do you ever write in the margins of your books? >> Nah. 18. Not even with text books? >> I don’t use textbooks. 19. What is your favorite language to read in? >> I can only read in English. 20. What makes you love a book? >> It’s a very visceral and subconscious thing, and it’s not dependent on genre or the politics of the author or any of that as much as it’s dependent on who I am at that moment in time, what story I need to hear, and how lovingly the author told it. That sounds like it only applies to fiction books, but it really doesn’t.  21. What will inspire you to recommend a book? >> Some level of understanding of the person I’m recommending it to. 22. Favorite genre? >> I don’t know, honestly. 23. Genre you rarely read (but wish you did?) >> I wish I read more science fiction. The thing is, most of the scifi stories I love I kind of stumbled into accidentally. Whenever I go looking for scifi specifically, I run into a lot of duds (not that they’re badly written or anything, just that they’re bad for me). I’m going to try Philip K Dick soon and I hope that works out okay. 24. Favorite biography? >> I don’t have one. 25. Have you ever read a self-help book? >> Sure, but I don’t make a habit of it.

26. Favorite cookbook? >> I don’t have one. Well, okay, Feeding Hannibal is pretty cool, ngl, but mostly for the information rather than the actual recipes. We can’t afford to (or don’t have the room/appliances to) make most of that stuff. 27. Most inspirational book you’ve read this year (fiction or non-fiction)? >> Definitely American Gods, but that’s a hard-to-explain thing, lol. The Taboo Against Knowing Who You Are is a good runner-up, because as far as inspiration is concerned, Alan Watts probably had more than his fair share of it. (Do comic books count, because if so I’d like to also add in Promethea.) 28. Favorite reading snack? >> Alcohol. (But also anything I can eat with one hand, or doesn’t require a lot of, like, attention.) 29. Name a case in which hype ruined your reading experience. >> I don’t think that’s ever happened. 30. How often do you agree with critics about a book? >> I don’t read critic reviews often enough to know what the ratio of agreement to disagreement would even be like. 31. How do you feel about giving bad/negative reviews? >> A negative review is just as valuable as a positive review. I’d prefer people not be nasty in their negative reviews, but like... I also don’t have to read their review if I don’t like it. It’s not that big of a deal to me. 32. If you could read in a foreign language, which language would you chose? >> Russian, probably. I imagine untranslated Russian lit would be amazing to read. 33. Most intimidating book you’ve ever read? >> And actually finished? Ha! Let’s see... as far as length, I’d probably pick whatever the longest Stephen King book that I’ve read is. (He meanders, man. He fucking meanders. It’s great, but dear god.) As far as content, I’m probably gonna go with Atlas Shrugged. For, I mean, obvious reasons, really. 34. Most intimidating book you’re too nervous to begin? >> That doesn’t really happen to me. If I want to read something, I’ll start reading it. If it proves prohibitive to my limited ability to understand shit, then I’ll put it down and move on. 35. Favorite poet? >> I don’t have one. 36. How many books do you usually have checked out of the library at any given time? >> Zero. When I do check out from the library, I stick to three books max. 37. How often have you returned book to the library unread? >> Quite often. Usually because I ran out of time. 38. Favorite fictional character? >> YEAH, OKAY. 39. Favorite fictional villain? >> Actually that is almost impossible for me to determine because I don’t even put the “villain” flag on characters unless it’s super fucking obvious (like in a comic book) that they’re supposed to be the Token Bad Guy. I just don’t even think in those terms. -- Now that I say that, though, I remembered that Stephen King characters are written very polarised despite my personal interpretations of them, so I suppose my favourite villain is Walter O’Dim. 40. Books I’m most likely to bring on vacation? >> I don’t know, I don’t usually have time to read on vacation. Unless it’s on the plane or something, in which case I just bring whatever I happen to be reading at the time. It’s usually on my phone, anyway. 41. The longest I’ve gone without reading. >> I mean, I don’t go a day without reading something, even if it’s just articles I saw on my facebook feed. 42. Name a book that you could/would not finish. >> Fifty Shades of Grey. (I did try. I wrote detailed posts about my thoughts during my attempt to read it. They’re still on my old blog.) 43. What distracts you easily when you’re reading? >> Everything. It’s just hard for me to turn the “noise” (literal and figurative noise) of the world off in general, which is why I like it quiet when I’m trying to focus. 44. Favorite film adaptation of a novel? >> Well, LOTR. I was going to say Predestination but All You Zombies isn’t a novel. Uhh.... :/ 45. Most disappointing film adaptation? >> Good god, so many. 46. The most money I’ve ever spent in the bookstore at one time? >> Around $100, I guess. I don’t have much money in general so I try to just... avoid bookstores. 47. How often do you skim a book before reading it? >> I don’t. The first-chapter test usually works just fine. 48. What would cause you to stop reading a book half-way through? >> Boredom. 49. Do you like to keep your books organized? >> Well, we don’t own enough for a complex system to be required. 50. Do you prefer to keep books or give them away once you’ve read them? >> I really prefer to give them away. It’s just... I’m not a hoarder (I don’t even mean that in the negative sense, I just mean I don’t like hanging onto stuff I’m not actively using). I spent just about all of my adult life up until 2 years ago homeless or some version of transient and having to be ruthlessly exacting about how many belongings I had at any given time really changed the way my brain works regarding material items. I love being able to own things now, but it’s... hard to enjoy having too many objects. I get tetchy. It feels inorganic. Maybe that’ll change in the future (these things often do), but for now owning more than 20 or so books feels like an overindulgence. 51. Are there any books you’ve been avoiding? >> I don’t think so. 52. Name a book that made you angry. >> I can’t think of one right now. 53. A book you didn’t expect to like but did? >> The Fountainhead. Any Rand book, actually, because Vlad couldn’t stand her and we had such similar tastes in media that I figured I wouldn’t either. But the immense amount of annoying peer pressure from Sigma eventually got me to pick it up just to get them off my back, and..... well, the rest is hilarious “I’m in love with a crazy Russian woman who makes me want to yell at her constantly” history. 54. A book that you expected to like but didn’t? >> I don’t know. That doesn’t happen very often. 55. Favorite guilt-free, pleasure reading? >> All of it? I don’t feel guilty about anything I read.

[darkpoisonouslove]

Another One Hundred

A few days ago I posted my 100th Winx Club story and the one from yesterday brought the Dance of Devotion series over the 100k words mark as well. So now that I have officially opened the second hundred both when it comes to my Winx fics and the word count of my most active series, I would like to take the time for a little celebration.

I think I might have had a little bit too much plotting these last few weeks so I decided to go back to the roots of the Domme AU - aka smut. Hopefully, that will help my brain calm down and come out of its overthinking routine. So here is how this is going to go.

Below the cut are 100 nsfw prompts (most of them aren’t mine and I would link the original posts but it has been a long while since I’ve collected them and I have lost the sources but I am sure you can find them on tumblr somewhere in the nsfw/smut prompts tags). You can send me any one of them (or a combination of two or more) + a pairing and I will write a fic with it.

I would like to ask that the pairings do not include any of the student characters (Winx, Specialists, Trix, Lucy and Mirta and anyone around that age) because I do not feel comfortable writing about them. I would like to focus some more on the Dance of Devotion series with this celebration but I will also take unrelated requests as long as I am comfortable with them (I retain my right to refuse a request if it makes me uncomfortable in any way, shape or form). I would love to experiment and branch out of my comfort zone but I haven’t really taken smut requests before and I am moderately nervous about how this will go. Thank you for the understanding!

Here are the prompts:

“Ah, playing hard-to-get. That’s cute.”

“Need a hand?”

“Let me take care of you.”

“Strip for me. Slowly. I want to savor every inch of you.”

“I want to take a shower so you should probably join me. It will save water.”

“Tell me what you want.”

“Can you help me with this zipper?”

“Are you going to eye fuck me all night or are you going to do something about it?”

“Did you just... finish?”

“If you can’t sleep, we could have sex.”

“You look good enough to eat.”

“Hands behind your back.”

“Open your mouth for me.”

“Is it good when I touch you here? Or maybe here?”

“You’re so in for it when we get home.”

“You can take it, you’ve done it before.”

“Just a little more.”

“Suck on my fingers.”

“Kiss me properly.”

“You’re so wet.”

“You did so well.”

“You feel amazing.”

“Swallow. All of it.”

“Do think you deserve a reward/punishment?”

“Don’t make a mess.”

“Come one more time for me, I know you have it in you.”

“Stay still, don’t move your hips.”

“Show me how much you missed me.”

“Can you use your hand?”

“Enough, please, I can’t take anymore!”

“What makes you think I’m going to fuck you?”

“Spread your legs for me, I want to see you.”

“Do you need to use your safeword?”

“Are you holding back? Don’t.��

“Shall we put that mouth to better use?”

“You’re going to come untouched, do you understand?”

“I want it. I want to taste you.”

“I don’t like getting off on my own.”

“It’s my thigh or nothing, I’m not helping you get off.”

“You seem more sensitive than usual.”

“Come for me, you’ve done so well.”

“Touch yourself.”

“I said I’d take care of you, did you think I wouldn’t follow through on that?”

“I’m right here, just breathe.”

“Where did this attitude come from?”

“Don’t tease me.”

“Why not tonight? I’m even wearing something pretty.”

“It’s hot when you talk back.”

“Your thighs are shaking so much.”

“Be good for me and I’ll untie you.”

“I had this dream and- fuck- you couldn’t keep your hands off me.”

“I was good while you were gone! I didn’t even touch myself.”

“I never thought I’d hear you say that, fuck, that’s hot.”

“You’re still horny? Didn’t I fuck you hard enough last night?”

“Do you like it? I bought it just for you.”

“I hate you.”

“I’ll have to gag you if you don’t keep it down.”

“You’re so cute when you’re tired.”

“Is that a challenge?”

“Say it like you mean it.”

“You’re beautiful, my goddess.”

“I wouldn’t misbehave half as much if I didn’t like the punishment.”

“You are so cute all tied up like that.”

“I like your ass.”

“Pull my hair.”

“We should do it somewhere else other than a bed tonight.”

“I want you to cum on my face.”

“How about I give you a massage?”

“I want you to bend over the bed.”

“Please, tie me up and have your way with me.”

“We are going to watch a porn together for ideas.”

“I’ve been waiting here on the bed naked for a while now.”

“Just sit back and let me give you a show.”

“I’m gonna ride you.”

“I’m going to sit on your lap and play with your cock/pussy.”

“You make me so hard.”

“The only way you’re getting off is with my fingers.”

“Just how I like you, unable to move and moaning your heart out for me.”

“All of this? For me?”

“Okay... This is new.”

“Lay back.”

“Well, fine. Just this once.”

“You still look hot and I’m trying not to kiss/fuck you senseless right now.”

“No, I’m supposed to be making you feel good.”

“If you interrupt me one more time, so help me.”

“I’m going to put on some clothes before you say anything else.”

“You make a sound and it’s game over.”

“Just let me finish this and I swear I’ll go down on you until you come at least three times.”

“You’re so fucking hot when you’re mad.”

“If you don’t like my teasing, then why are you moaning?”

“I don’t care what you do, just fuck me.”

“Don’t ruin the couch.” “I’ll have to come in your mouth then.”

“Stop distracting me.”

“I know for a fact that you can be a hell of a lot louder than that.”

“You see what I see.”

“I want you to tell me a fantasy that will never come true.”

“Every time you bite the pillow, I’ll bite you.”

“Take five.”

“Less?”

“Want to play a little dress-up?”

I have not decided yet when (and if) I am going to close this event. That will depend on how it goes so send me numbers!

I can’t wait to see what will come of this! Oh, no, that was a horrible pun.

[burmecianblackmage]

Goodbye 2017 - Hello 2018

[[EDIT: tumblr did mess it up. Urgh. So this is now two hours late... sorry guys -.-]]

If tumblr doesn’t mess things up (and it hasn’t during the advent calendar, so I’m willing to give it the benefit of the doubt and assume it won’t), then this post should hit the dash exactly when the clock strikes midnight over here in Switzerland, and the new year begins. And that means it’s the perfect time to say...

Happy 2018 guys!

I hope you all will have a wonderful new year, one that will make you forget all the bad things that happened in 2017, and leave you a happy and content little human by the time 2019 rolls around in 365 days.

May your year be full of moments that make you smile, moments of love and friendship, moments of success and accomplishment, and above all, full of health and happiness. I am very happy to have met all of you, and to have interacted with you, whether it be by playing, by talking, or even just by reading some of each other’s works. You lot have been a big part in what kept me going this year, and I want you to know I’m really thankful for that. I hope we can enjoy much of the next year together as well, and that no matter where the year will lead you, you will be happy. I love you all.

As a little extra, I’ll put a little review of my and Sceada’s year under the cut - at least I hope it will remain somewhat little. But you know me... Anyhow. I’m placing it under the cut so as not to spam you, and also because I will address some stuff regarding my health and Sceada’s sexuality as well, and I know not everyone is comfortable with that. I’ll mark them with a small header so you can skip them, but I just wanted to warn you beforehand~

With that out of the way, here we go! And for those who don’t wanna read it: Happy 2018!!

The Mun’s Year in Review

Well, you all know that this year hasn’t been an easy one, and I daresay it was a rough one for everyone. Still, I do feel like I should talk a little bit about the hardships I’ve had to face, and the struggles that’ll accompany me for much of the year to come, if not the entire one. So... here goes.

Health

As many of you know, I had a tumor in December 2016, namely an Ependymom that was lodged in my spinal marrow, at about the tenth to twelfth thoracic vertebrae. It had caused me stiffness and loss of sensitivity in my legs, and once we found it, there had been little choice but to remove it asap.

Ever since then, I’ve been needing a wheelchair. And I started 2017 at rehab in the Swiss Paraplegic Center in Nottwil. Mind you, it’s probably the best facility in the world for such a situation, and I learned a ton of stuff, including how to walk again with the help of crutches - still, spending half a year stuck at rehab ain’t exactly fun.

Especially when you also have to relearn stuff like bladder management, using the toilet and what not. Do you want to take a wild guess at how helpless you feel when you can’t even go to the toilet on your own, when you can’t help but soiling yourself because you have yet to regain control over your lower body functions? If you don’t know, you don’t ever want to find out. Gods was I relieved when it all turned out to be functioning properly after all...

And it’s not like it’s been the only health thing that affected me. I needed another eye surgery, for the Keratoconus developing in my right eye after we already had to do the left one last year, and I’ve been struggling to get used to it since then. First with my old glasses, now with the new ones I still cannot wear for more than like two hours at a time... - Oh, did I mention that insurance didn’t cover the 1700.- surgery by the way? Goodbye my savings I had been clinging onto...

And let us not forget that due to my immune system having gotten weaker, I also have this amazing pleasure of falling sick faster! Stomach flu? Come right in and stay three weeks! Dizziness? Hello darkness my old friend! Regular cold? Knock me out for four days, feel free to! Urgh -.-

Add to that a heap of spasms in my left leg that have been present all along, but got considerably worse now that winter rolled around. We know by not it’s not due to the tumor resurfacing (because it can do that, they couldn’t remove it entirely after all without cutting my nerves!) but can you imagine how nervous you get while waiting for the answer? And it’s not like the spasms are any help walking either, rendering me less mobile again after I had improved so much beforehand...

But enough of that. I could sadly go on and on here (I haven’t even brushed my mental stuff yet, oh boy...), but I’ll spare you that. It’s gotten long enough as it is anyhow... Let’s move on to other topics.

Work and Finances

Look, it’s not as though I had a job really when they found the tumor - or actually, yes it is. I may have been in an internship of sorts organized by disability services, but I had a job lined up where I could have started in January - Alas, it never happened. And seeing how I can no longer work my original job in retail (no electronics store will hire someone in a wheelchair. You can’t do the cleaning jobs, can’t fill the shelves and are slow to get around. Plus, how the fuck are you gonna fetch a 55′’ TV from the storage when a customer wants to buy it?), I am now actually trying to find a new purpose for myself. Gladly, disability services will help me with that... though it won’t be easy, and I dunno if I’ll be ready to start a new apprenticeship in summer like they hope. Cause it’s unlikely any spots will still be available...

Still, they are hopeful, and in order to get me back in the swing, they placed me in the same internship/training thing again, starting with just two hours daily. By now I’m in the office the entire morning on weekdays, and it’s going good so far. I’ll be there at least three more months.

And then, who knows? Maybe they’ll send me into finances and banking, or perhaps communal administration? We’ll see.

What is upsetting is the financial situation though. Due to being at rehab, I had to file for social aid - and the money they give me is very, very little for swiss measures. While I was at rehab, it was about 240, now it’s roughly 760 I get - even though I do actually get almost 3500 per month for the internship form disability services. But all that goes to social services to “pay off the debt”... Urgh >.>

For reference, an average 42 hours per week job in retail would pay between 3900 and 4200 per month. So yeah... Granted, they cover my health insurrance (which is 55o-ish per month, mind you!), but it’s still rough... The price levels here in Switzerland are just so damn high...

Social Life

Which leads me to this... I barely ever go out anymore these days. I can’t afford doing much, and what little I do afford is a pain to do due to the wheelchair. I can no longer just spontaneously go somewhere, or attend an event, I always need someone to drive me or even join me - and that inevitably leads to you not doing much anymore, you know?

I barely have any real contact with my rl friends anymore, I at most attend a MTG event every 3 months (PreReleases, nothing more sadly...), my DnD group also fell apart (though that was unrelated)... - Honestly, if it weren’t for you guys here online, especially those who talk to me on Discord and such, I’d be completely socially isolated, and that sucks. It sucks big time...

Gladly my girlfriend sticks with me, believes in me and loves me. Even if I can’t see her as much anymore, as we both can’t really afford the flights to visit each other, which is rather lonely too... We only managed to afford a few weeks in August together, when she visited me here with my room still unfinished. If the paraplegic foundation didn’t have the kindness to pay for her flights and hotel in March while I was still at rehab, that’d have been the only time I’d seen her this entire year....

So yeah. Things aren’t easy right now. Which is why I hope... next year will see improvements. It just has to...

Sceada’s Year in Review

When the last year ended, Sceada was a heartbroken virgin longing for affection and deeply missing the woman he loved, Leonora. He knew who he was though, a talented mage and a scholar of old languages who found work here and there, traveling wherever he pleased and slowly but surely building friendships with more and more people.

If you look at him now, he is instead riddled by insecurities, questions pretty much everything about himself to the point he is neglecting work at times in order to investigate his origins and maybe find his father. And the answers he longs for. Oh, he’s also entered a relationship with Maria and become - and here I quote Locke who was very, very pissed about this a few days ago - an accomplished lover.

But let’s look at things a bit more step by step, shall we?

A brief overview

Following Leonorâ’s prolonged absence, Sceada begins looking for other sources of affection, becoming rather flirty and sometimes even bold with Fran and Selphie, while deepening his friendship with Maria during their trip and afterwards

Sceada and Maria get rather close following him finding her having a nightmare, and staying with her to offer comfort

Leila captures the mage and, after tying him to her bed and appealing to his curiosity, takes his virginity. Later a second encounter occurs, where he they both are drunk at a Festival, before parting ways again.

Upon having spent Valentine’s Day with his friend Maria, Sceada discovers he has developed feelings for her. However, when voicing them, he finds them to be unrequited, and he tries to distance himself from her for a while.

Leonora finally returns, and during the initial happiness the two share a passionate night before the Sage encourages Sceada to follow his heart and pursue Maria, suggesting he could be or become polyamorous.

Sceada spends more time together with Maria, becoming closer again, but is content with just being friends. This changes when the pair are attacked by Coeurls, and Sceada nearly sacrifices himself to protect her, causing Maria to realize her feelings. When he recovers, the two become a pair, and slowly, over time, grow closer and closer.

Conflicted by his feelings for both Maria and Leonora (and to an extent, Leila as well...), Sceada seeks out a Goddess of Love, looking for advice. His silent hopes for reassurance in loving both women are however aptly crushed when the deity questions his motives for loving them, leading him to realize how much suppressed doubt and insecurity he has carried with himself.

Upon trying to tell Leonora more about Maria, Sceada’s motives are once again questioned, leading to an unfortunate argument that exposes a lack of trust on his end that Sceada had not been aware of. Unwilling to let herself be hurt by this any longer, Leonora suggests they part ways - they have not seen each other nor communicated in any way since then.

Sceada tries to forget about it all, hoping he could overcome it all with Maria’s love. However, when she wishes to take their relationship to the next step, he feels guilty over not having told her, and in the subsequent conversation many an uncomfortable truth and emotion are laid bare. Still, the pair reconcile, staying together and eventually consummate on their relationship.

Knowing that he will not be able to ignore the burning questions in his heart and mind any longer, Sceada begins to prepare to leave on a journey, just as the Goddess had suggested. He arranges for the eventuality that he might not return with his old rival Seshat Khnum, but before he can leave, Maria implores him to stay with her until the new year.

Making the most of this opportunity, Sceada holds his advent calendar again, and at the end of the year, attends the Garden Festival organized by Selphie.

Of course, there have been plenty of other plays as well, and I wouldn’t miss any of them. For example, Sceada finally opening up to Freya, or adventuring together with Jack in order to grab a certain book from the library of Burmecia, and all the shenanigans with little Stabby McStabstab Vani the Helfling Rogue - There was so much I adore, and not enough room here to mention them all. Just know that I loved all of our interactions!

A little note about the Smut

Yes, you read that right. I already mentioned stuff further up, but I still wanna note it here too, and add what’s missing up there.

We’ve already seen that he slept with Leila twice and Leonora once before he then got together with Maria, and well... let’s just say that those two may have taken a long time to get started, but haven’t been exactly innocent since - Sindays ahoy, is all I’ll say ;) But there have also been others, which I am not yet exactly certain whether to consider them canon to his main story, or separate cases - there’s merit in both, mind you, and I’ll probably ask the ladies involved eventually too. But who were they?

There is an as of yet unfinished thread with Fran, where the two engage in intimacies in a spring in the woods, after Sceada followed her and her enticing scent. One could argue that this is mainly heat relief, but it is not as though Sceada is exactly unwilling or that he is uninterested in the beautiful Viera...

The few encounters he’s had with Selphie were things got frisky somehow all share a similar pattern: Be it a playful argument, a bet they had or simply because sharing a bed leads to some “friction”, there is always something triggering the situation getting a bit more intimate and well... no one can deny that Selphie is a person you can have much fun with...

I also want to mention Aria, though the way our plays so far have played out, I kinda headcanon it as the two of them having been willing to get more physical three times so far, and Sceada stopping it each time because he noticed Aria wasn’t certain about it, and quite nervous, even afraid at times. And if there’s one thing he wants more than to avoid hurting her, it’s for her to enjoy this decision and not regret it... Perhaps the moment will still come, should we resume playing and point them in that direction.

There are two more ladies I played with, where things are rather kinky. One of them is on Discord and a fellow Black Mage, who’s been tons of tun to write with - the other a blog dedicated to sinful threads. I’ll refrain from naming either for now, as these two are likely to remain their own verses.

Final notes

Finally, I’d like to mention that there is also one more I play with on Discord after she left tumblr, and that her muse Anima is a pleasure to write with in all three verses we came up with. Also, I just wanna thank everyone who played with me this year, and I look forward to continue doing so - as well as meet new people!

Sceada will soon leave on his journey, and that means there is plenty of room for new friendships to be forged, and acquaintances to be made - or rivalries and enmities! I’m open for anything!

With that said, if you’re still reading this, I apologize for rambling for so long. I wish you a very, very good new year and thank you for putting up with me! Have fun tonight, have fun the entire next year, and I hope to interact with you again in 2018!!

Thanks for everything,

Patrick~

[crimsonrevolt]

Congratulations Alex you’ve been accepted to Crimson Revolt as Frank Longbottom!

↳ please refer to our character checklist

We’re so excited to have you back in the rp, Alex! The way you fleshed out Frank’s app was beautiful and the thought and dedication that you placed into it shone through. There’s a lot of complexities to his character, and the struggles he’s going to face in the future were completely evident. We can’t wait to see how you develop Frank further and how his story progresses in this different timeline of the Marauders! 

application beneath the cut (tw: Torture, Kidnapping, PTSD, Violence)

OUT OF CHARACTER ♔ INTRODUCTION

Name: Alex

Age: 20

Pronouns: She/her

Timezone: EST

♔ ACTIVITY

6-7/10 I sam online a lot of the time however I am in college so there are some times when I get very busy. That being said I am normally online at least once a day and tend to lurk more than that. So 6-7 maybe lower than winds up being accurate but that it the minimum of how often I will be on.

♔ ROLEPLAY EXPERIENCE

I’ve been roleplaying on tumblr for over 5 years now on my River Song roleplay blog. Recently my muse from her has been a bit less so my most recent threads aren’t my favorites but I have gained a lot of experience from the blog. I love the character and writing her I’ve just been having a hard time because after 5 years the fandom has died down.

http://riverxxsong.tumblr.com/

My old Lucinda blog:

https://lucindaxxtalkalot.tumblr.com/

My old Frank blong:

https://frankxlongbottom.tumblr.com/

♔ TRIGGERS

*removed for privacy

♔ HOW DID YOU FIND US?

I was in CRT for a long time! <3

♔ ANYTHING ELSE?

I’ve missed Frank and the CRT community so much since I’ve left I would love the opportunity to continue to develop his character. IN CHARACTER ♔ DESIRED CHARACTER Frank Longbottom

♔ FACE CLAIM Penn Badgley ♔ REASON FOR CHOSEN CHARACTER First Application Reasons:

I had never really thought about Frank Longbottom until joining this group, but as I started interacting more and reading all of the threads I fell in love with Frank. Then also when Lucinda got together with Alice I fell in love with her and just because Lucinda has to lose her doesn’t mean I want to. I really love Frank’s story line and had wanted to take on the challenge of writing as a person of the opposite gender. I am really hopeful that I will get to play him and develop his character, his deep love for Alice, his dark side, his frustration with the war, and all the other things that makes him such an amazing and complex character.

I am extremely excited to play on the idea of Frank’s dark side; I think far too often he is portrayed as a big teddy bear when in fact I think he might be one of the most vicious of the “good guys”. I don’t think Frank would ever hurt anyone just for pleasure, but he sees the line between good and evil as blurry especially during war times. During school he saw far too many of his house mates tortured to let it slide without any acknowledgement. Being from the Longbottom family, one of the sacred 28, other purebloods often expected him to fall on their side, that is until he got the reputation of breaking their noses. People who don’t know him often find him jaded and aggressive and he can come off as a flirt. He is unrelenting in his pursual of a better world, but he doesn’t always see where the lines lay.

It is because of this more aggressive nature that Frank first became affiliated with Aversio.  The group was a better match for his personal ideologies and were willing to see that the ends justify the means. Frank is often surprised that even among Aversio he is on the more aggressive end of the spectrum. He is highly impulsive and will push for, as well as take on dangerous missions, before thinking through the consequences for himself and others. He lacks a sense of self preservation and considers the war a worthy cause to die for. He fluctuates between being extremely self confident and extremely insecure depending on the situation and how long he’s taken to think.

Thinking has actually often time been a hindrance to Frank as he finds that once he starts thinking things through he’s nervous and worrying side surfaces. It is when this side emerges that he finds it harder to be a good member of Aversio and do what needs to be done. However this is in stark contrast to how is more worrisome side is seen in the Order where caution and careful planning and strategy are praised.

Second Application Reasons:

I simply adore Frank Longbottom. I think he can be one of the most complex characters in the series especially with the way his skeleton is written in our group. I have missed him since I left the group a few months ago and would love to get to write as him again. I think Frank is dynamic and real and struggles with the questions of morality which many of us don’t need to think about in our life. I think he has so much growth left in his character and in his current state he is so angry and focused, I think as he grows his views may change rapidly.

I would love to dive more into his darker tendencies because I think at certain levels he could rival some of the death eaters for cruelty. His views right now are extremely polarized, you are either good or you’re bad. He feels as though people in the Order are good but when he allows himself to be honest about what he thinks about them he feels they are cowards and are afraid to do what is necessary. Frank believes that Death Eaters lives are worthless and if they are not helping him further the goal of ending the war than they should be terminated from existence. I would love to have the people who love him who aren’t in aversio slowly bring him toward a more moderate view but I would also love for him to have one or two people in Aversio who encourage this extremist view and push him forward with his plans.

I think there could be some extremely interesting plays with insanity with Frank allowing us to see the lengths that one will go to in order to do what they see as right. Frank believes in his mission and thinks he is entirely right and righteous in his beliefs. One of the most fascinating aspects of the potencial I see with this starting point I am seeing for him is having his behaviors be almost identical to those of the death eaters but serving the Aversio agenda. Getting to write him being unaware of the extremes which he is reaching and having the characters around him see him unraveling could be fascinating.

Following this downward spiral, which I think would be amazing also having it tied in with him being newly engaged with Alice and having them be adversaries for a few months in their ideologies, I think he needs to come to a breaking point. Most people are made of a series of moments and I believe that but I also think that there are some moments which are more defining than others and I think Frank’s path will be violent and cruel in the beginning of this new era for him, I think that part of the character was lost and I became too involved in the relationship between Frank and Alice. I still am planning to have Alice be a large part of Frank’s narrative but I would love for him to have some other characters to support that. I would love to collaborate with one or two other Aversio players who also want to take their characters down this morally ambiguous path in the pursuit of a better world. On the other side I want Frank to have work friends who are in the Order and more in line with Alice’s way of thinking. I think Frank would confess to Alice his allegiance and if she couldn’t convince him to change his ways I think calling in backup of these individuals who are morally aligned with the Order, I’d love to see the fight which could even turn physical. In a huge fight like this I would love the insanity to appear in full and have Frank either injure or almost severely injure people he cares about. At that point I think Frank would break down and he’d change his allegiance leaving behind Aversio forever. However, the anger which naturally exists within him would still be there and he would still have an internal struggle over the actions which should be taken. The transitioning allegiance going quickly to be fully aligned with the Order. Additionally, what Frank would do with the information he had gained while in Aversio.

Overall, I’d love to see Frank as a character who build in extremist beliefs until it hits a point where he either would lose the people he cares for most or switch sides and I would like to have him switch sides. However, I think switching sides would be painful and he would struggle with identity and guilt and his own morals. Overtime I think he would come to see Aversio as a terrorist organization and be a major public advocate against it as well as being on a possible anti Aversio task force within the order. I would love Frank’s story to be one of misguided good intentions and the dangers of thinking that the ends justify the means and the corrupting power of a seemingly quick solution and self distributed justice.

Elaborate on why you would like to play this character. Just tell us, what made you pick this character and what made you feel in love with them. This can be as long or as short as you want to, though showing your love for the character is encouraged as it is something we look at when we can’t decide between applications. In this section you should also describe the character and how you see them. At least in a few sentences that offer additional information to what we provided in the character’s bio. You don’t have to do a complete personality analysis here, but just glimpse us of them by giving reasons for why you decided for this character. Don’t write what you think that we want to hear, but just make this character your own. ♔ CHARACTER’S SEXUALITY Heterosexual. Frank has never really had the urge to be with a man. He thinks his friends are good looking blokes but that’s about it. That being said he has no judgement about who people choose to love and encourages his loved ones to do what makes them happy. Before he and Alice were serious he was a big flirt, his lovelife consisting mainly of hookups. Until Alice came into his life, friends were his only priority and he had no interest in finding a girlfriend. He was a major fuckboy but had his own code about hooking up with girls, never spreading rumors or bragging about the people he would hook up with.

I love Fralice!

♔ PERSONALITY TRAITS Please elaborate on at least 2 of the traits listed on the bio (one positive and one negative). Explain why you believe they were assigned these traits and what they mean in the context of the character.

✓ Dependable

Frank always considered himself lucky, he grew up in a happy stable family without all of the normal stigma that came with being a pureblood. Frank is extremely dedicated to those he loved and because of that he will never fail to be there when they need him. Frank’s dedication runs to an extreme level that it never wanes even when being there for a friend could put himself in danger, in that situation he would just run faster to help the ones he cares for.

Frank will always be there to protect Alice, it is the only reason he didn’t ask for a change of partner after they broke up. He needs to be there for her, to protect her, even though it kills him inside. There is a physical pain in his chest when he sees Alice and remembers she doesn’t want to be with him, but he can’t stand the idea that she would run into danger without him at her side. ✓ Loving

Frank’s friends are a central part of his life. He would do anything for them and drop everything in his life to help them. It is this platonic form of love that has dominated Frank’s life so far and only in his developing relationship with Alice do we see how romantic love looks for him. Frank is amazingly loyal to his friends at school he would often find getting into fights trying to protect them. He is definitely what people would describe as rough around the edges, but those who get to know him would describe him as a true Hufflepuff, loyal to a fault. ✓ Ready-mind

As a Hufflepuff through and through, Frank always had an open mind and was ready and willing to learn new things. What set him apart is his dedication to his studies during school, although he was not a bookworm, he was a dedicated hard worker and would often be seen with his brow furrowed as he completed homework in the Hufflepuff common room. ✓ Unstoppable

Frank is an oncoming storm. He would burn cities to the ground for those he loves. He is not afraid of using force to get what he wants, and once he sets his mind to something you better get out of his way or get crushed in the process. This is a great benefit when you are on his side as he will stop at nothing to keep his word and protect those he loves. Those who stand against him though should be wary as when he sees someone as opposition, he feels no remorse for what he does to meet his goal. ✕ Doesn’t know limits

Frank doesn’t know when to stop. He struggles to not lose himself in the war. He finds himself more inline with the ideals of Aversio than with the Order of the Phoenix as he has trouble waiting to take action. He oftentimes has to fight to prevent the extent of his aggression from being seen. He doesn’t just want the Death Eaters locked up, he wants them dead with their homes burnt to the ground and any trace of them destroyed. He thinks they are traitors to the wizarding world and shouldn’t be allowed the privilege of having existing. He wants to see the end of their regime with no trace of it left to be built upon and thinks it is worth exterminating the entire population in order to fulfill that goal. ✕ Lacks self-control

He is highly impulsive and has a desire to take action. Frank will volunteer often volunteer for missions before thinking of the risks to himself or the others on his team. He has no sense of self preservation which adds to his likelihood of doing something that could get himself hurt.

Frank sees his impulsivity as a strength it allows him to act when he needs to and prevents him from missing a moment when he should have gone. He thinks the personal danger this lack of self control puts him in is negligible given the amount of good he feels these actions accomplish. ✕ Worrier

Frank has no regard for his own well being and is only worried about his friends and loved ones. He thinks about them all the time and is extremely concerned about their safety during these uncertain times. His loved ones are his main concern at all times, but it is often his worrying breaks his determination. In stopping to think he realizes the risk to himself and others and feels he can’t fight in the war as well. He thinks of his lack of self control as a positive and strives to not think about things to deeply in order to avoid being bogged down by his thoughts. ✕ Dark thoughts

Frank offer suffers from very dark thoughts. He doesn’t just want to win the war but he oftentimes finds his thoughts drifting to the idea of obliterating the opposition. He wants to be the type of person who is patient, kind and merciful, but he feels war is not the times for this virtues. During school he worked to always keep himself in check and to ensure he (usually) played by the rules, but war has allowed him to explore, this other side of himself which had stayed buried for so long. His only fear is he kind of likes it .

IN CHARACTER QUESTIONNAIRE

The following section should be looked at like a survey for your character. Answer them in character and feel free to use gifs. Or, if you’d rather, answer them in third person or OOC without gifs. Answers do not have to be extremely lengthy.

♔ If you were able to invent one spell, potion, or charm, what would it do, what would you use it for or how would you use it? Feel free to name it:

“I would invent a spell which allows me to locate people who use the unforgivable curses. I would have the auror department run it at all times because if we were able to know where these curses were being used it would make finding and destroying death eaters much easier.”

♔ You have to venture deep into the Forbidden Forest one night. Pick one other character and one object (muggle or magical), besides your wand, that you’d want with you:

“I would bring Alice Prewett. She’s always had my back in the feild and I know she’d have my back in the forest. I easily trust her with my life. As for an object… I would bring a flashlight, so I could have my wand ready in case I need to immediately cast a spell for self defense.”

♔ What kinds of decisions are the most difficult for you to make?

“I am worst a making decisions which involve not immediately punishing those doing wrong in the hopes of a longer plan. I understand that it may not be best to stop things when we know they are occuring, due to the sensitivity of sources but when there is an injustice occurring… I can’t help but want to take actions and when someone tells me it’s impulsive or short sighted I just find myself getting angry.”

♔ What is one thing you would never want said about you?

“I would never want someone to say I’m disloyal. Loyalty to the people who matter to me in my life is one of the most important things to me. My friends and family are most important to me. I am always on their side so anyone suggesting I’m not would break my heart.”

EXTRAS (SEMI-OPTIONAL) This portion is not obligatory, but it is heavily encouraged. This section can include, but is not limited to: mock blogs, future plot points, a questionnaire, your character’s wand, boggart, patronus quotes, playlists, moodboards, edits and everything else you can think of. It’s kind of a ‘everything can, nothing must’-section. Even if this section is in no way required, please keep in mind that this can be something that makes me decide for one applicant or another if I can’t decide just looking at the obligatory part. This doesn’t mean I’ll only have a look at it if I can’t decide- for that I’m far too curious what awesome things you’re all going to do-, but is something that plays great importance when I can’t decide for one applicant.

https://frankxlongbottom.tumblr.com/

PlayList:

Frank in Love (Fralice songs):

Lucky by Jason Mraz and Colbie Caillet

*Come to me by the goo goo dolls*

Angel with a Shotgun by the Cab

Say You won’t go - James Arthur

Backseat Serenade-All Time Low

Frank’s anthem:

The Phoenix - Fall out boy

Smells like Teen Spirit - Nirvana

Uprising - Muse

Burn It To The Ground - Nickelback

Ready Aim Fire - Imagine Dragons

The Crimson Bow & Arrow - Jonathan Young

The World - Jonathan Young

For Alice Post Break Up Feeling

Iris - The goo goo dolls

Impossible Year- Panic! At The Disco

Young Frank:

The Good, The Bad And The Dirty - Panic! At The Disco

Girls/Girls/Boys - Panic! At The Disco

Head cannon:

Frank got into a lot of fights in school (mostly) protecting others and standing up for his beliefs.

Frank enjoys his darker impulses and worries that they will one day take him over however he also feels justified in the actions he’s taking given that he is at war.

Frank was a flirt and a player during his school days.

Frank’s friends are the most important thing to him (Alice too later)

Frank’s sense of loyalty is deeply ingrained but his impulses take control when it comes to his loved ones.

Frank is happy to die for the war and gives very little thought to his life down the road.

I think this would vary depending his state of mind but at times when he feels disconnected from most things or during some of his largest fights with Alice and during the time she left him he escalated his commitment to the cause to an almost suicidal level

I think these impulses will settle as Frank grows older but he still will not hesitate to throw himself in front of danger to protect his loved ones

Frank really struggles with his dark impulses and despite knowledge that he should want to take the moral high ground he finds himself drawn to extremely violent and extreme plans that may kill more death eaters rather than trying to break up the organization

Frank often find himself wanting to slaughter the death eaters and finds them to be irredeemable

I’d love for this to be challenged by someone close in his life where a close friend of his is in truth a DE or someone switches sides

James, Lily, Frank and Alice are couple friends and will at times go on double dates. They relate very well to each other and struggle to be newly married in a period of such chaos

James, Lily, Frank and Alice spend time talking with each other about their hopes and fears of being a new parent and rely on each other for support.

Frank will be an extremely dedicated new parent but I am unsure if having a child will lead to an escalation of his extreme thoughts to try and end the war quickly or if a child would bring him to see things from more of a moderate view to the point where he moves almost entirely to the order.

Frank is a year older than Alice so he would currently be 20.

Future Plot Points:

Flashback-  Frank and guy friends at school talking about girls and the future

Flashback- Frank’s various hogwarts adventuress

Flashback- Frank’s start as an auror

Frank tries to start a bar fight with a pureblood

Frank pushes an even more aggressive Aversio

Alice finds out Frank is in Aversio

Frank and Alice move in together

Frank and Alice get married

Frank wants to start a family or Alice gets pregnant

Frank and Alice have Neville

Frank becomes a major aggressor in the war and starts trying to pursue Death Eaters to a larger extent

Frank attempts to sabotage the lives of people who he suspects to be death eaters

Frank has a few HUGE fights with people he loves about his being in Aversio (Moody, Alice, Augusta, anyone he is very close with)

Frank leaves Aversio

Frank struggles with switching over to the mentality of the Order

Frank eventually perceives Aversio as a terrorist group WRITING SAMPLE

Prompt:

The last sane night. We all know how the dreaded-end-game occurs; but what if your character had the insight to know things were going to come to a quick end for him? How would he spend his last night before he is tortured to the brink?

TW: Torutre, sexul assault

The ground was cold beneath him; the packed dirt floor of the cell slowing drinking the heat from his body. As Frank stirred slowly from the numb comfort of unconsciousness, he felt as if the world was trying to pull him down to its core. The weight on his chest made each breath agony, he tried to open his eyes. His eyes seemed stuck shut at first unwilling to open,he took another agonizing breath before forcing his eyes open. The light from the hall wasn’t much, but in that moment it felt like he had stared directly into the sun. He panicked for a moment waiting for the world to come into focus, as it did he remembered, Alice. Where was Alice? The pain in his body shifted to the background as the thought of his wife came fully into the forefront of his mind. Tears welled in his eyes, the war had ended. Frank had let his guard down for only a moment, he remembered the night in horror.

Voldemort had been destroyed. The war was finally over. That was the mantra Frank had been repeating to himself since he had first heard the news. He still had trouble believing it was true, it was as if he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Frank knew he need to move past it. This was a new chapter in his life, the one he had been fighting for. They had won the war, and now he could relax and enjoy his family.

It was for that reason that Frank had come home late. He had just made one stop after work. Frank had bought a nice dinner for he and Alice to share together; he had even purchased champagne. He hadn’t been worried about leaving at home alone; the war was over and they had won. He didn’t even sense something was wrong until he got home.

As he walked up to the front door he saw it was open, a pit formed in his stomach his throat clenched making it hard to breathe. We’re not at war he tried to reassure himself his hands shaking slightly. He walked closer to the door stepping slowly not wanting to over react and scare Alice and Neville.

The packages fell to the ground, Frank had gotten close enough to the door to see that it had been opened by force. He couldn’t remember what happened next, but he found himself in the hallway wand in hand. “Alice!” He cried voice shaking in a panick. “Please, Ali, please answer me and tell me you and Neville are fine.” He couldn’t breathe, he should have been home over an hour ago. He should have been here. It was amidst all these thoughts that a cold feminine laugh escaped him. He whipped around staring into the living room in horror at the scene before him. Before him stood four of Voldemort’s most loyal followers, the Lestrange brothers had Alice restrained, their hands running all over the pieces of her that were only for him. Frank’s entire body shook, “If you touch her again I,”

“What will you do?” Bellatrix Lestrange stood in front of him her sharp features had grown ever more gaunt during the war, now she look somewhere between dead and alive. “We have your wife and son.” She said in a voice which was almost sweet looking down at Neville who she held in her arms. “You wouldn’t want anything bad to happen to them now would you.” She then turned and held Neville by his feet waking him and starting him to start screaming. “Now put down your wand slowly.” Barty Crouch Jr. stood at the ready want aimed at him even if he were to risk Alice and Neville by trying something

Tears began streaking down Frank’s face and he slowly bent towards the floor and placed his wand down. “Please,” His voice was distorted by a choked sob. “Take me instead just leave Alice and Neville, I will do anything!” He had failed them. He had failed to protect his family at the time when it counted most, and he wasn’t sure he would ever be able to fix it.

Rodolphus looked Alice over his eyes filled with lust. “Bella, we get to keep her right? You said this would be fun.” He looked over at Bellatrix like a puppy waiting for a treat. “Yes, I did Rod. You can play with her for now. Just don’t break her… Yet.” Bellatrix replied her voice calm and cool as if giving someone permission to borrow a book. Rodolphus smiled a malicious, smile before ripping Alice’s shirt revealing her breasts now contained only by her bra.

“No!” Frank shouted, he couldn’t let them hurt her. He’d rather die than let them lay their filthy hands on her. He started to run towards he his core impulse taking control. He told her he’d always protect her and he’d be damned if he failed now.

“Petrificus totalus!” Frank had only taken three steps when he was hit. Every muscle in his body suddenly stopped he fell forward because of the momentum he had gained from trying to reach Alice. Tears clouded his vision as Crouch came over and sat him up so that he could still see Alice and Neville. There was red on Alice now, and her chest was entirely exposed. Her cream skin had been sliced by Rodolphus and he was powerless to stop it. He watched as those men continued to grab at his wife, at his Alice. How could he have failed her like this? How could he be so powerless.

Frank couldn’t believe that had only been a day ago, or at least he thought it was a day. He rolled to his side ignoring the shrieking of his every nerve in his body. He took a deep breath not focused on his own pain any longer. His mind was only Alice, he didn’t care if he lived or died he never had it had always been about her. Frank pushed himself up slowly so he was in a seated position as he scanned the room for her, his beautiful wife, the only thing, besides their son, that he had ever cared about.

He looked around trying to find her in this cavernous cell. His heart froze for a moment when he thought she might not be here but that was when he saw it. It was just a tiny movement from the back dark corner of the room but it had to be her. Frank couldn’t let himself believe otherwise. He shook as he tried to stand cursing his own body for failing him. It seemed as though he weren’t good for anything as of late. So he crawled on his hands and knees, probably looking like the broken man he was. “Hey, Al is that you?” He said as softly as he could his voice dry and raspy. He moved closer finding her small scarcely clothed form curled up in the corner.

The sight of her like this brought tears to his eyes. “I don’t deserve you. I never have.” He said softly. “Ali, what have they done to you?” His voice shook in horror as he began to notice smaller details. She had cuts all over her body and her eyes. Something had changed. “Alice, what happened? How long have we been here?”

Alice, the love of his life, his wife and the mother of his child, merely tilted her head as if confused. “Who are you?” She said her voice nervous but intrigued. “Who is Alice?”

[onlyfools-fall-foryou]

Same thing, wrote for magazine but never got published. The Luhrmann article.

BAZ LUHRMANNNNNNNNN.

Just a lil background: I discovered /Romeo + Juliet (1996)/ when I was going through my Leonardo DiCaprio phase in 2012 or 2013. Wee little I, who had yet to discover how to t*rr*nt movies, would desperately look up clips from his movies on Youtube. The few actual clips that I found (most of the /R+J/ related videos on Youtube are edits with the central love theme or some other artsy love song playing in the background) were of the bathroom/elevator scene or the last scene in the chapel. (Unrelated: a couple days ago I saw something related to the chapel scene and had a dream of marrying Rose Byrne. It was wild. Moving on.) 12 year old me couldn’t stop watching the chapel scene over and over and over again. This may have something to do with Leonardo DiCaprio’s breathtakingly smoldering gaze and delicate jaw structure as he’s slowly walking up, but it also had to do with everything else. Anyone who’s seen the chapel scene knows what I’m talking about. The music that is desperate and calmy tragic but not forcefully building up, the warm yellow candlelight around them a contrast to the harsh blue neon lights, the moment we see Juliet’s eyes open and we’re like ‘Yes!! Now all you have to do is nudge him! Just!! One!! Nudge!!!’ (My heartbeat just sped up a little writing that. Whoo that scene gets my sympathetic nervous system going.) Of course, not to mention the brilliant acting but this isn’t the time or place to discuss that. We know Juliet isn’t going to stop Romeo in time, but the movie still makes us scream in frustration. (Just!!!! One!!!! Nudge!!!)

At the time, I didn’t know anything about directors and frankly, how they could ever considering putting their names in front of the actors’ names in the roll credits when clearly the actors were the ones who did all the work. (I was 12.) Later on, I realized there was so much a director does other than tell the actors when to start and end.

Just going to put this out there, Baz Luhrman’s life is art. His Wikipedia page makes me emotional. His parents were involved in dance and film and he performed theater in school. In college, he met his wife (Catherine Martin, who is also amazing. She has like five Oscars just from costume and set designing!!) whom he works together with on every single project. (They’re the ultimate power couple.) Everything he’s directed (and she’s costume-designed) has like at least 5 awards.

/But why haven’t I ever heard of him?/ The reasons for that are: He’s Australian. He does stage more than screen. He’s only made five movies in total (all of them very well-known), from 1992~2001, 2008, and 2013, which is why wee young millennials don’t really know about him. (I’m not making a generalization here, just that most of my millennial peers don’t really know about movies made prior to 2000 excluding Star Wars and Indiana Jones.) He doesn’t make movies to target the general mass. By general mass, I mean little kids and little kids’ parents. And by little kids I also mean teenagers. I need more peers to talk to about his brilliance, which is why I am roping all y’all in with me.

When Baz uses these well-known stories with famous, obvious endings, he has this amazing ability to make you forget what the whole story was about, like /Romeo + Juliet/ and /The Great Gatsby/. In movies that don’t have a highly publicized ending, like /Moulin Rouge!/, he gives you the ending. The opening scene is literally the main character typing away at his typewriter as he declares: ‘My lover, Satine, is dead.’ It’s not even a spoiler. That’s the opening scene. That leaves you sort of shocked and frankly, offended. What movie starts off by telling you one half of the two main characters are going to die? You scoff at the director for being so stupid and continue to watch. As you watch a narcoleptic Argentinian fall through the ceiling and the cast made up of said Argentinian, a dwarf dressed as a nun, a heavily made-up Faramir, two musicians dressed like pilgrims, and the main character perform a wildly disorganized version of “The Sound of Music,” your mind has shifted to ‘Hah, what was the director thinking’ to ‘This is the weirdest thing I’ve seen in my life. How did they even get the copyright?’ and when Satine, the goddess, is introduced in an also wild and ridiculous rendition of “Diamonds Are a Girl’s Best Friend,’ you have completely forgotten the fact that she will have to meet a tragic demise.

Got a little carried away there, /Moulin Rouge/ is one of my favorite movies and talking about the hectic opening scene gets me hyped up.

I could go on for days about Baz and his comical intros and his transitions and how all his films are similar to each other and how all the characters have archetypes and how he uses symbolism and foreshadowing and the parallels (the Parallels!) but I’ll keep that to myself and Tumblr. (I have a document on my laptop titled “Baz Luhrmann: The Ultimate Sadist.” Come talk to me if you wanna see it.) The second portion of this article will be about /The Get Down./

I was actually writing about /The Get Down/ and a couple Luhrmann movies on my summer to-do list article, but I accidentally wrote like a page’s worth of Luhrmann praise and decided to make it a separate article.

Baz Luhrmann and Pulitzer Award-winning Stephen Adly Guirgis (his twitter gives me life) teamed up with some rappers who were active during the creation of hip hop to create /The Get Down./

The first thought you may have is, what is the get down? What is a get down? It’s not properly explained until a couple episodes in, but apparently it’s the part of a song in between verses where there’s a good, strong beat. Think of a non-rap song with a good, strong beat. I’m gonna think of “Stayin’ Alive” by the Bee Gees, the one used in Sherlock, and around the 3 minute mark, there’s a short drum solo bit. DJs in the 70s would take two records of a song, find that spot, and play just that part alternating the records on a turntable. The beat would be infinite and an MC would rhyme over it. Grandmaster Flash coined the term ‘the get down’ and now there’s a show named after it.

In 1977, DJs, dancers, wordsmiths (rappers), and graffiti artists were putting together the urban subculture of hip hop. The show is placed right in the middle of all of it, in Bronx, NY. The story is centered around Zeke and his friends, his struggle to become someone in a white world, keep his music going, and get his girl. We also alternately get a present-day Zeke performing to a crowd, played by a Nas-dubbed Daveed Diggs, occasionally doing recaps and foreshadowings. There’s minimal death considering this is Baz Luhrmann-made. Ezekiel “Zeke” “Mr. Books” Figuero: The Wordsmith. Lil pouty fluffy boy with questionable sideburns and the world’s worst pencil grip, that boy’s gonna get carpal tunnel like yesterday. In love with the pastor’s daughter, Mylene. Is a genius with words. 1/5 of the Get Down Brothers. Mylene Cruz: the butterscotch princess with the big disco dream and the voice of an angel. Her father doesn’t let her sing the “devil’s music.” Has two great girlfriends, Yolanda and Regina, who sing backup. Shaolin Fantastic: Not Asian. Drug dealer/graffiti artist/DJ whose true passion is to DJ like his idol, Grandmaster Flash. Super extra. His red pumas are always spotless. Problematic. 1/5 of the Get Down Brothers. Marcus “Dizzee” Kipling: Graffiti artist who goes by the name of Rumi 411, who also happens to be Dizzee’s top hat wearing alien alter ego. The most artistic out of all of them, often misunderstood. Has a preference to people named “Thor.” Has the fluffiest hair of them all. 1/5 of the Get Down Brothers. Ronald “Ra-Ra” Kipling: The oracle, the guru, the all seeing eye. Has the most morality and voice of reason out of all of them. Constantly makes Star Wars references. Can rap really fast. Looks out for all his brothers, including Zeke and Shao. 1/5 of the Get Down Brothers. Miles “Boo-Boo” Kipling: Sings like the Jackson 5. Breaks out into dance whenever he can. Also problematic. Always sings that he gets all the ladies but can’t actually. Youngest but loudest. 1/5 of the Get Down Brothers. Francisco “Papa Fuerte” Cruz: Mylene’s uncle. Also sort of everyone’s uncle. Has all the power and genuinely cares about his people in the Bronx, trying to get them homes and opportunities.

Part 2 gets a little trippier with the introduction of angel dust, aka PCP. Kids, don’t ever do hard drugs. If you’re interested in hip hop, music, poetry, bromance, sweet teen romance, vibrant cinematography, and beautiful brown babies, (*whispers*) you should watch.

[scarlethaki-archived]

[ I’m writing this to explain my side of the story since I’ve been painted as some heartless witch that can’t stand people making ooc/silly posts or even like I’m trying to turn people against others.  The only reason I’m making this post is because I’ve been vagueposted about and blocked on my other account, so my follow-up message to reach out and discuss things had never been responded to. I honestly don’t give a shit about the blocked part. What has made me the most frustrated is that they are ignoring the main point of this issue that has now ended up involving one of my friends too. We are NOT upset about the ooc posts or how you run your blog, it’s how you’ve gone and painted us as villains and you as the innocent victim in all of this. This is not to say that we are the victims in this situation either, because I for one prefer not to act like one.

Here is a screen cap of the message I sent. The hate-filled attack that started this all:

“Hey! I just wanted to pop in and tell you beforehand that the reason I unfollowed you on this blog and on scarlethaki is because I was uncomfortable with the amount of ooc posts that ended up taking over my dashboard. I just want to reassure you that it’s nothing against you as a person, and I’m still okay with interactions if you want to. :)”

That was the message I sent. Please tell me if that was uncivil in any way. Everyone has their preferences, and when your blog is 90% ooc that floods my dashboard, that’s my personal choice to draw the line there. I don’t mind ooc or crack posts at all-- I do them a lot too, but it was the amount in even just a single hour, and this in undeniable to anyone who knows this blog. You can post as much ooc as you want, but some people just don��t want their roleplay dash to be flooded with ooc conversations, shitposting, and pictures of girls in bikini and underwear. It’s even stated in the rules pages of all my accounts-- I may unfollow if the amount of unrelated ooc exceeds my preferences. Perhaps it would have been more tolerable to me if an ooc tag was used, but this person did not use that either (at the time).

They have every right to post as much ooc content they want, and I have every right to unfollow them if it gets too much for me. The only reason I messaged them first is because I didn’t want them to find out I unfollowed them later on their own and feel even worse/more awkward about it.

These were some of the responses on that person’s blog.

#DO U EVER LIKE GET ONE OF THOSE DAYS WHEN THINGS JUST SEEM TO GO WRONG EVERYWHERE SOMEHOW #... #IDK MAN #ITS LIKE EVERY SMOL THING OF BAD THAT HAPPENS YOU GET LIKE #.... #OKAY THEN FUCK IT #TBD. #JUST #PLS GET THIS THING ON YOUR HEAD GUYS IF PEEPS DONT WANT YOU THEN ITS THEIR LOSS #TBH #TBH DONT SET UP UR EXPECTATIONS TOO HIGH #ALSO DO KNOW THAT IF YOU HAVE THAT HOUR WHER EYOU'RE LIKE HAVING FUN OOC AND REBLOG/POST TOO MUCH SHITPOST I WILL NOT UNFOLLOW YOU FOR THAT. #I DO THOSE SMTMS BUT AS YOU CAN PROBS SEE WHILE SCROLLING I DELETE IT LATER ON #LIKE... #OKAY THEN. #NO ITS FINE RLLY #IM JUST. #AT LEAST TELL ME BEFORE I SEND IN THINGS TO YOUR ASKBOX BCS SOMEHOW THAT S HUMILIATING? #I MEAN. #OKAY THEN. JUST. #IM NOT NORMALLY THIS MEAN BUT WHEN I FEEL LIKE DIS I HONESTL DONT LOOK BACK AND CONSIDER BLOCKING PEEPS BCS #IM ALREADY INSECURE AND HAVE LOTS OF TRUST ISSUES FROM MY BULLYING YEARS AND NARC ABUSE EXERCISED IN MY TOXIC HOUSEHOLD #I DONT THINK I NEED MORE SHIT TBH. #I KNOW PROBS IM OVERREACTING AND THAT IF YOU APOLOGIZE FOR IT AND ALL SHOULD BE FINE BUT. #..... #HONESTLY. #ITS NOT. #EXCUSE ME IF ITS TOO MUCH OOC FOR YOU THEN. #BUT TBH EVERYONE HAS THOSE TIMES WHERE CRACK IS IN THE BLOG OR SHITPOST ENSUES #BUT DID YOU EVEN SEE THE TAGS SAYING TBD - TO BE DELETED?

#BUT TBH.... YOU MIGHT NOTE THAT EVEN IF THERE ARE CANNON CHARAS BLOGS AROUND ...I WILL NOT FOLLOW THEM ALL #THE REASON IS NOT ALWAYS THE WRITING OR PORTRAYAL BUT WHAT JUST HAPPENED #LIKE I RECEIVED HATE BEFORE FOR JUST SAYING SOMETHING A SHIPPER DID NOT LIKE #I DID NOT LIKE CROSS BOUNDARIES OR HATE ON THEM AOR ANYTHING IMERELY SAID THAT THERE WAS THIS TROPE THAT WAS LIKE BEING OVERUSED OR SMTH #AND YEAH #BUT YEAH THIS IS ONE OF THE MAIN REASONS WHY I DO MAINS CALLS BCS OF THESE SITUATIONS. #TBD.

H**** pls *raises hands* (anditsokayimajudokaicankickpeoplesassesnowrries!!) its fine rlly. thats their loss tbh. its just that it was a bit humiliating bcs the person sent me a mssg about how they werent folowing me anymore bcs of the ooc posts and i had just sent in a ic ask too - posts which later on get deleted anyways tho i do keep the content in a private paste or smth saved in case there’s something i need from it like the post about inviting u guys to gow tih me next year but—\ rlly i dont want drama !! they did apologize it just does still hurt bcs u know i just had sent in a interaction ic, but….its fine . it wont do any good causing chaos over this rlly. ^^’

yeah i totally share the opinion! which is why i think that this is a hobby and we’re humans not machines so ofc we’ll have those times where shitpost just happens and like when u guys this week calmed me down bcs i was having a nervous breakdown due to the late events …like this is our safe space so. but tbh im just not to have drama bcs i already have so much shit to deal on my dramatic life tbh ya feel? i dont want  like to be the one starting some kind of chaos here in the fandom bcs i totally know i will not get along with everyone thats scientifically impossible. i can tell u in private who it is if u want to know anyways but do promise me that you wont go to their inbox or anything for my sake. i honestly dont want to start drama or cause things.

Those were ALL in reaction to that single message I sent. As admittedly pissed off as I was, I decided to let it go. Strangely enough, despite the fact that I said I ran scarlethaki, this user has continued to follow me on here even though I unfollowed weeks ago. They also still follow my other blogs which I’ve mentioned I’ve run before, so I really don’t know what the thinking is here. But I didn’t block you and I never will, because I’m leaving the option of coming to me to discuss things open to you. I’ve tried approaching you once and that clearly didn’t work so the ball’s in your court now. Shutting your ears to someone never fixes a problem, it just gives you a sense of blissful ignorance to the real situation at hand.

The thing that frustrated me to no end was the amount of hypocrisy and victim-playing going on.

I sent you a private, friendly message. Instead of responding, you blocked me and then go off on your blog. Your messages were very clearly directed at me. So why couldn’t you just speak to me face to face? Is it because you wanted the sympathy of the public?

You say you don’t want drama... and yet you make several ranty posts to the public to see? How will this not incite drama? “I don’t want drama.” “It won’t do good causing chaos over this.” Are you not seeing what you’re doing? 

“I won’t get along with everyone” Please tell me WHERE in my original post I was ever hateful to you or said I didn’t like you. You’re making things up in your head.

“I can tell you in private who it is if u want to know anyways but do promise me that you wont go to their inbox or anything for me sake. I honestly don’t want to start drama or cause things.” So the people that are being slandered have to just sit quietly while you go off about them, even when you say that you’ll tell anyone that asks you about it? You may not have actually told anyone in private, but at this point I���ll be distrustful of everything you say due to the victim-playing and manipulation of the public going on here.

I won’t add too much about this next part since @jurakyuru​ has already defended their personal case, but since it’s tied into the original issue involving me, I will summarize it because I’m at my wits end.

This user had sent my friend a message asking them why they unfollowed and if it was a tumblr glitch. Funny enough, this is the exact situation I had wanted to avoid putting her in when I sent her that first message. I didn’t want her to feel awkward or embarrassed asking about such a thing and she blocked me for it, yet just a couple weeks later she does it-- and gets very upset when my friend civilly states why they unfollowed. So you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t I guess.

There was a very very long response written to my friend which is not in my right to share, but I can at least comment on the public posts that had been made. Foolishly I did not screencap the actual things in the heat of my frustration, but I had copy and pasted them into a conversation with a friend.

Let me tell you one thing: I never told anyone to unfollow you, nor tell them what to say to you. My friend showed me the message they sent to you and they themselves made it clear they unfollowed of their own accord. But keep going on thinking I’m telling people to unfollow you.

Also funny how you say the door’s open and to get out, but when we did that you got severely upset.

We did unfollow you. You went into rants.

You’ve been reasonable? Really? As soon as either of us said something not sugarcoated you blocked us.

I would go through your blog, but you deleted everything. I mean, I had copy and pasted pretty much everything, but if I hadn’t then your claim of evidence would have been meaningless.

No you didn’t send us harmful message directly, but you went on public rants and even offered to tell people our names if they just asked you.

I won’t go on about this for much longer. You said you wanted people to see both sides of the story and here they are: my message vs. your reactions. A quote I’ve always stood by is, “You’re not responsible for people’s reaction to you, just the words you say.” This is why I still feel no guilt for the message I sent you. I know what I said was reasonable and civil. I am not responsible or at fault for the way you decided to react to it. 

And now we’re here.

As I said before, I haven’t blocked you and I won’t. Despite everything, I still don’t hate you as a person. I am just very frustrated and disappointed at the reaction over the past two weeks, and now I’m a little bit worried as well because I don’t know who you spread your lies to or when. I did not want things to come to this because callout posts are generally looked down upon, but this is the best way for me to lay everything clear. All the screencaps and what both sides have done. I never conspired against you-- in fact I was still kind to you on my Whitebeard blog until I unfollowed you there as well after yesterday’s shitstorm.

In the end I really don’t think you’re a bad person. I don’t think you’re evil or a villain, but I do think how you have been behaving has been hurtful and irresponsible. I’m sorry to be posting this publicly, but I need to make sure that if you said anything about me in private, the truth is clear. ]

[cinco-de-chocobo]

C’est la vie...

I’ve never been a heavy user of social media. 

I never have Instagram, Path, Snapchat, Tinder, LinkedIn, and Pinterest. I have shut down my Facebook account for a while now. I only have 2 active accounts presently: Twitter and Tumblr. Twitter as my news sources and Tumblr’s for the sake of my right brain happiness.

WHY?

When i ask myself the reason why, the first thing that comes to mind is privacy. I believe that my life is mine alone, no one else need to know except for few people whom i trust with my whole heart. Secondly, every time I’m about to create an account, i always ask myself “do I really need it?” or “for what purpose?”. If the answers are not satisfactory, then i won’t sign up. 

But are those really? Are those really the reason i’m not really into social media? Are privacy issues and sense of purpose really the things that i’m actually concerned about?

When i started being really honest with myself, i slowly realized those reasons were not the only reason why i didn’t like social media. I was blinded by my pride, drowned in self-deception, haughtily thought: “being able to conserve myself from social media make me a better person.” But, there was something much deeper than that, something which i was afraid to admit.

I think some part of my inner self was scared and anxious to use social media because every one seems to be so successful in living their life. Browsing through social media was pretty-much a roller coaster ride for me, sometimes i felt superior towards other and judge whom they are for what they post. Other times i felt inferior about myself because i thought my life is not as awesome as theirs. There were times in my life where i unmuted my close friends on Twitter just because of my low self-esteem. Which was pretty irrational and ridiculously foolish behavior. 

DEALING WITH MY SUPERIORITY COMPLEX AND INFERIORITY TENDENCY

Let’s talk about superiority and inferiority for a bit.

Superiority complex is “an attitude of superiority that conceals actual feelings of inferiority and failure.” It is an illusion of grandeur about oneself. 

On the other hand inferiority complex means “a lack of self-worth, a doubt and uncertainty, and feelings of not measuring up to standards”. In other words you suffer from feeling less important or insignificance compared to others.

Apart from superiority complex and inferiority complex, there is another way of being in the world and that is INTERIORITY. Caroline McHugh, the author of “Never Not a Lovely Moon” said:

“... the word “interiority” describes a particular disposition, and there’s two reasons it might be useful to you. Number one, it’s completely uncomparative. If you have a superiority complex or an inferiority complex you need other people around. For a superiority complex you need other people to be smaller. For an inferiority complex you need to suffer from the I’m-going-to-be-found-out syndrome, so somebody needs to find you out.

Interiority is entirely unrelative, so to operate from this position of interiority, it’s like a perceptual vantage point. It’s a sensibility. It’s an orientation. And it’s the only place in your life, the only place in your life, you have no competition. Try and find a comparison to yourself, and you’ll draw a blank...”

She then proceed to include an interview answer from Jill Scott to emphasize the meaning of Interiority:

Interviewer: Are you nervous you’re going to perform after her (red: Erykah Badu, famous singer-songwriter)?

Jill Scott: “Have you ever seen me perform? I am the Lady Jill Scott. I am a poet, and a singer, and a lot of other things. We all have our own thing — that’s the magic– and everybody comes with their own sense of strength, and their own queendom. Mine could never compare to hers, and hers could never compare to mine”.

The first time i heard that, i sat in silence for 5 minutes while thinking “i finally hear the one thing that I've been desperately need to hear”. I never really realized that i have my own queendom. For many years I've been looking for reassurance, thinking that i’m okay, i’m good enough, i’m unique in my own way. But i never really believed it. I lied to myself. Lying to oneself is very easy, because once you understand the power of lying, it is really like magic because you can solve all your problems easily by lying. For example, when i was scrolling down my timeline and i saw someone who post something about their life, my inner-self would go “who is stupid enough to post crap like this on internet? Well not me though, i’m a very private person” I look down on people as self-defense mechanism for my inferiority. I lied to comfort myself; cheated to think that i was a better person. I temporarily feel good about myself; problem solved. But i never really felt content.

I’ve been trying almost my entire life to compare myself with other person and felt dejection because i always think that i’m not good enough. I never quite figured out the reasons. But the more i think about it, the more i realize my huge mistakes. Of course i was never okay, of course i never felt good enough, of course i’d think so little about myself, because for all this time I've always compared my worst to someone’s best. 

“BE YOURSELF, EVERYONE ELSE IS ALREADY TAKEN” - OSCAR WILDE

I’ve heard this famous quote so many times, but only now i really begin to grasp its meaning. It is all started when i graduated in October. But i want to flashback a little bit.

When i was still a pure innocent freshmen i have one belief, that:

“Every decision that I make should be in service to fulfill my dreams”

YEP, that’s a quote from a famous TV series and I've believed that for so long. I do believe that my life should be my message. Even if i’m not ever going to be a Gandhi, I really do want my life for a greater purpose. I want to leave a legacy. I want my existence to have a meaning. I want to help people. But along the way, i strayed further from my idealism and my dream. At some point i forgot my belief and i also lost myself.

When i graduated in October, I was in this frantic mode to find a job after graduated and was desperately trying to send my resume to every company. That time all in my mind was, “Well let’s just go for whatever job i could land on.” I was so frustrated and stressed out because all of my friends were getting jobs that pays well, while i, was at home doing nothing but waiting for interview calls. But eventually, effort bore fruits. I got accepted to a multinational company and they offered me a position as a production planner. I should be happy, excited, and grateful. But the weird things is, instead of happiness, i suddenly felt this anxiousness and started to question the decision i was about to make; “Is this really whom i want to be and what i want to do with my life?”

I panic and had a cold sweats because i had to give answer immediately. But i’m lucky enough to know that when in doubt, there is always The One that has all answers and never fails. After unloading and bursting everything, my head became clear, my heart was unburdened, and i knew the answer. I called my parents and i told them my decision. My dad said, “Well, i believe in you. Whatever your decision is going to be, we will always support you. But whatever you do, whatever it is, you do it wholeheartedly, because only then you’ll have no regret, and only then you’ll be happy.” That is the moment i know, my parent’s happiness is not about me being successful, my parent’s happiness is about me being happy.

After that i called the company, i said, “Thank you for the opportunity but i’m sorry i have to refuse.”

***

It used to bother me a lot when someone ask me, “Where are you working right now?” I tried to find acceptable answers and beat around the bush. But now when people ask me the same question, my answer will be, “well nothing much. I’m unemployed, mostly at home, doing things that i love to do but never get the chance to back then.” I finally comfortable being truly me, without pretense and facade.

I started to remember the person i once was. I dream again. I hope again. And even if i’m still afraid of uncertainties, i’m starting to figure out what i want to do with my life. And once i know that bit, it’s amazing how liberating life can be. It’s my own journey and i want to make my own story. Everybody agrees that every good story is an original story, right? The story that i want to make, has to be so original and unlike any others. So what’s really the point of comparing myself to other people, when my job is to be as unlike them as i can possibly be, when my only job is to be as good at being me as they are at being them. 

C’EST LA VIE...

I rarely put my vulnerable side on social media because i always thought “what’s the point anyway.” But if there is somebody, anybody out there who reads this and you ever feel the same way as i did, i want to say a few words if it helps to ease your mind:

Everything you see in social media may not always be true. Behind those smiles, laughter, behind those pictures, behind those happy videos, everyone has their own “baggages” and burdens, we all do. Some people are just better pretender. Some people are just tougher. 

Everything you see in social media should not affect you in any way. Don’t judge people for what they seem, yet don’t you ever belittle yourself. Do what you want to do. Don’t ever seek for anybody’s approval for the one that truly matters is only yours. You’ll never be perception-less, as people will always have opinions about you; you can’t control that. But you can always be perception-free, as you have a choice to ignore them; and you can control that.

Don’t compare yourself. Instead of wasting your time looking at others and tirelessly comparing yourself, building your own kingdom/queendom you have always dreamt of, seems like a better story to pass on. 

And that’s life, c’est la vie...

- BSW