#unrealistic portrayal of abusive relationships

[gareleia]

post-bh, married royed, heavy angst

tw: lots of emotional abuse, alcoholism, cheating, ooc.

DISCLAIMER: THAT'S NOT HOW ABUSE WORKS! alas, I do love my happy endings, so for the sake of it, suspend your disbelief.

Fuhrer Mustang has a lot on his plate which results in him being more short-tempered and prone to snapping. He and Ed always had their arguments, but nowadays it's more of Roy just ripping into Ed for no reason to release some tension. Ed tries to take it in stride, but he has his limits, so their domestic and sexual life takes a hit.

Roy does a minor fuck up and lies about it out of habit (from work), and Ed buys it immediately because he trusts Roy with his life. Roy feels guilty, but still starts gaslighting Ed from time to time, and Ed always thinks that it's his fault and he just has his head in the clouds (or rather books).

Roy misses an important date but Ed tries to suck it up and not make a big deal about it. Roy remembers post-factum and is glad that Ed is being mature about it, unintentionally putting him down and implying his feelings aren't important. Roy also thinks to himself that he's glad he doesn't have to apologize for it because it's tedious for him. He doesn't realize it yet, but that's the turning point.

Roy starts making comments about how Ed should dress modestly, how Ed having social life makes him neglectful and how Ed really stopped caring as much as he did in the beginning. This makes Ed feel like a bad partner.

It comes to head when one night Roy snaps and hits Ed. Tomorrow is finally his day off and he wanted to do something romantic to make up for all the neglect towards Ed, but Ed has been telling him for months that he had something planned for this day with Al. Roy grabs his hands to stop Ed from leaving and then slaps him in the face. He stops and tries to apologize in his usual way by taking Edward to bed, but Ed's not having it. He's horrified at what became of his husband and says that he doesn't feel comfortable with them touching at all.

• Don't you fucking dare yell at me, Edward. Just who do you think are? You're nothing without your alchemy, nothing without your rank, nothing without me! I'm hurting you? How dare you?! Do you know how hard I work, day and night, to give you everything you need?! I sacrifice everything so you and this country are safe, and this is how you repay me?! What do you even do all day, sit around in my library, eat my food, waste my money and bitch about how life is hard for you?! I do everything for you and you have the nerve to call me selfish?! • Nooo, honey, that's my line. You're the selfish one! No matter what I do, you're ungrateful! Nothing is ever good enough for you! I'm running ragged, Ed, and you just keep demanding more and more! What did I ever do to deserve such treatment? Do you even care about me, or do you just stay with me for money and prestige? • Oh, you're tired? You're stressed?! By all accounts, go on, tell me how fucking hard it is to be a housewife, how bad you have it! Am I not to your satisfaction?! Should I give you more money?! More space?! Do you want to go out more, fuck around like a dumb, selfish whore you are?! Well, it's too bloody bad, isn't it! You're my dumb, selfish whore, you made a vow when you married me! You hear this Edward?! You're mine! You chose me, years ago, this is what you chose! This is all you get. Forever. • I mean, where would you even go? You think you could do better? I'm the bloody Fuhrer, I could have anyone, and who would even want you? Look at yourself, Edward, you're a mess! Out of shape already, from sitting on your ass all day? You call this presentable clothing? Admit it, no one but me is dumb enough to want you! Because I love you, Ed, and I won't ever lie to you, I want you to say it with me. I said, SAY IT WITH ME! You're nothing. No one wants you. I'm the only one who loves you. • Yes, that's good. That's a good boy, I'm so proud of you, come here. I'm sorry it's come to this, Ed, I know you have a temper, but you should really stop snapping at me. You know I love you, right? I love you, Ed. *cupping his face and putting their foreheads together* You're the most precious thing I've ever owned, the highest privilege. If I could spend the rest of my life holding you like this, I would. *Ed looks vaguely sick* • Come here, gorgeous. I know it hurts, I'm hurting too, but we can make it better. Let me make it all better, love.

• "NO!"

Roy storms off after leaving bruises on Ed's wrists and goes drinking. He spends the night with someone. In the morning he wakes up after having more than 2 hours of sleep a night for the first time in months and is horrified at what he'd done. He goes home, but Ed isn't there. All his things are however, so Roy stays home waiting.

• Instead of Ed, Gracia comes to pick up his clothes and a suitcase. Ed came to her crying last night and she's very disappointed in Roy ("do you think Maes ever treated me like that?") and insisted on helping. She passes on that Ed is going to Resembool to visit his family for a while. Roy wonders if she realized that he cheated - she absolutely did. But it's only right for him to confess and beg for forgiveness, so she keeps quiet. For now.

• Roy is stewing in guilt and self-loathing. He keeps comparing the Ed he fell in love with - the loud, bright and passionate young man - and the withdrawn, exhausted, quietly miserable creature he turned into and counts every mistake made. Every harsh word. Every backhanded compliment. Every little lie and betrayal, up until the very worst one.

• Riza quickly catches onto everything and is extremely displeased, which results in his work getting that much more miserable.

• After Ed makes it to Resembool, Al calls Roy. He's fucking livid. His brother has bruises and is a shadow of himself and what the bloody hell did you do, Mustang? Al knows how to make it hurt and he goes all out, telling how he was against this marriage all along, how precious his brother is and how much he loved Roy, how much he sacrificed for him and all the times he suffered in silence because he felt like he didn't deserve comfort for being such a bad husband. Roy recognizes phrases he used himself in Ed's negative self-talk. Al finishes by saying that he's never to meet Ed again and that as soon as his brother is well enough mentally they're sending him divorce papers.

• The papers never come, but Roy doesn't doubt they will.

• He comes back from work two months later to find the guest bedroom occupied. The door is locked and Roy tries to apologize through it, but Ed doesn't respond. Ed doesn't come out unless he knows Roy isn't home and he doesn't leave any notes or acknowledges his husband in any way. After spending a week at Ed's door every evening (and leaving presents that went untouched unless they were hand-made), Roy falls asleep on the floor and has a blanket thrown at him.

• After that Roy catches a few glimpses of Ed. He comes home to all his bottles laying on the floor. He takes a hint and spends a few evenings cleaning up his messes. His reward is having a simple dinner ready by the time he comes home. Still no sigh of Ed.

• After that there's always food on the table and dishes waiting for him. Roy's notes start going missing, so Ed finally started reading them. Roy can hear Ed doing stuff downstairs on his days off and he rushes there, but Ed locks himself in the bathroom. After that Roy lets him do his thing unbothered. Sometimes there's even a grocery list.

• Roy's still leaving presents for Ed, but they also go unanswered. Another two weeks in he remembers something that Ed wanted in the very beginning of their relationship and gets it for him. At night he wakes up to Ed crying in the other room.

• Next morning Roy tries his luck again and the door is unlocked, but Ed is gone. Roy is afraid that he fucked up and scared him off, but all his things are there. All the presents are carefully put away and there's a mess of photographs of them scattered around - and a half-drunk bottle of wine (Ed is a lightweight). Roy cleans everything up and leaves him dinner in the evening. Ed went to Gracia for advice, because he thinks his Roy is still in there, but he's scared to confront him and find out. He cries again when he gets the food, because it's just to his tastes and Roy hasn't cooked for him in years.

• Next day when Roy comes back from work Ed is there making dinner. Roy tries to talk, but Ed gives him silent treatment and flinches when he tries to touch his hand. Ed looks exhausted and defeated, but he's still beautiful. They eat together, in silence. Ed doesn't even look at Roy.

• This goes on for another month. They can almost pretend everything is fine. Roy tries everything - gifts, notes, words, offerings, promises, begging. In the end he loses his temper and snaps, breaking a glass. Ed flees to his room. Roy spends the night by his door crying and apologizing. In the morning he's a mess, but he has to go to work. He begs Ed to come out just for a moment. When he drives away, defeated, he catches a glimpse of Ed watching out the window. Their eyes meet for the first time in four months.

• This night when he comes home there's no dinner. Ed is sitting at the kitchen table watching him. When Roy's back is turned (he's putting away groceries), Ed tells him where to put stuff. Roy whips around and is both delighted and terrified, because Ed finally spoke. And it's time for The Talk.

• "I'm sorry" • "I don't believe you"

• Gracia told Al Roy cheated, and Al can't hide stuff from Ed. After that Ed finally decided to go back to Central and clear everything up.

• Tell me what you did. I want to hear it. All of it.

• Do you know what it did to me? I hate myself. For loving you all these years. For trusting you. For not seeing your 'moods' for what they were, a pattern. For failing you - letting you spiral like this. For not being there when you needed me. For not realizing how much you must have suffered to start doing this to me. I hate myself for being stupid, blind and too weak to either help you or let you go. I'm pathetic, really. You were right about one thing: I'm your stupid whore and I can't escape it.

• Every time I look in a mirror I see a mess. A failure. You broke something in me, and I don't think I'll ever know how to fix it.

• And, you know what the worst part is? I love you, Mustang. I still do, so fucking much. And I hate it. I can't stop, but I can't make this right either. You hurt me, you've been hurting me for months, using me to get you your sick satisfaction. And I let you, all this time, because I thought you needed it, and that afterwards things would go back to how they used to be. But they didn't. Things have changed, you've changed, and you're not the man I fell in love with. You're not my Bastard Colonel anymore, you're the asshole that threw a mug at the wall because the dinner wasn't hot when you came home late from work. You hurt me and made me think it was my fault for not being enough. And maybe it was, partly, but I didn't deserve it. You were horrible to me and I was trying so hard to help you. Because I loved you and I still do. Because I would tear my fucking heart out with my bare hands if it would somehow make you Roy again. Even if it means I won't ever get to be a part of your life again. I love you, and you hurt me, and I'm so bloody tired of carrying us both. I'm not Fullmetal anymore, Mustang. I'm just a human and I can't do this alone. I can't take it.

• I'm not Riza. I can't shoot you when you become a monster. I can't even hit you back.

• "I'm so, so sorry. I lost control-" • Don't give me that crap, Mustang. Shitting your pants is a loss of control. Lying to me was a choice. Calling me names was a choice. Isolating me from my family was a choice. You chose to hurt me. Can you at least admit that?

• They both go to therapy.

• They coexist peacefully, sleep in separate rooms and cautiously try to get to know each other again. Winry goes into labor and Ed insists Roy tag along with him. Al breaks his nose and doesn't let him anywhere near the baby. Ed says that he may have deserved it, but the violence doesn't make Al any better. Al almost shouts at Ed for implying he'd ever hurt his family, but stops. Ed hugs him and says that while he loves and appreciates Al's help, he needs to deal with Roy himself, because he's capable of protecting himself.

• In the end Ed calls Mustang Roy again and kisses him on the cheek. Roy feels like crying.

• Thank you, Ed. Thank you for trusting me. You're stronger and braver than I could ever hope to be and I love you so much.

• Ed wipes his tears away and Roy gently grabs his wrists. Ed doesn't flinch. Roy starts kissing his hands.

• "I love you" "I know" "Ed!" *laughter* "I love you too, you stupid bastard."

[moeitsu]

If your only argument for shipping Arthur and John is “well they’re not real” stay the hell away from me.

I’m not even going to get into why IT IS incest. But here’s my take nonetheless:

Shipping incestuous relationships, even among fictional characters, is ethically problematic. It normalizes taboo behaviors and can distort perceptions of healthy relationships. Incest is universally recognized as harmful due to the potential for exploitation, abuse, and genetic risks. Romanticizing such relationships in fiction risks trivializing these serious issues. Choosing to ship incestuous relationships, even in fiction, perpetuates a harmful misconception and undermines the effort to cultivate a respectful and understanding narrative.

Misinterpreting a familial bond between characters raised as siblings as romantic chemistry reflects a misunderstanding of a healthy adult relationship.

It's important to be able to distinguish between different types of relationships. Such as recognizing the boundaries between familial love and romantic love. When people romanticize these sibling-like relationships, it blurs these distinctions. And it creates misconceptions about appropriate relationship dynamics.

This misinterpretation underscores the need for highlighting the role of media literacy in appreciating diverse human connections. Portraying and perceiving these characters' relationship as romantic undermines the value of familial bonds and may foster unrealistic expectations in adult relationships. It's crucial for audiences to acknowledge and respect the various meaningful connections that extend beyond romantic narratives.

I’m sorry if this reads like an essay, but as someone who’s taken media literacy classes in college and grown up in the Superwholock fandom, I have a lot to say on this topic. Engaging with fandoms and media since a very young age has deepened my understanding of how narratives influence societal norms and personal perceptions. It’s fascinating yet concerning to witness how certain portrayals in media can impact a fans interpretations and behaviors.

I want this to be open for discussion, because I think it’s important to promote a healthy and thoughtful consumption of media. As well as contribute to healthier representations and relationships in media and storytelling.

That’s it, goodnight, sleep tight, and be kind.

[starrycassi]

I think a lot of young queers folks (like me. Not trying to be all elderly about this I'm literally a gen z) today need to watch the good oldies about our community.

⚠️: I don't mean, in any way shape or form to insult the newer queer shows/movies. I love SPOP. I love TOH. I read and loved Heart stopper. However, because of the restraint of mainstream media, they have a very... palatable?? way to portray the community. I am NOT blaming the creators (who I'm sure would love to go a bit further down on their portrayals if given the option)

SO! I have nice recommendations that I, personally, enjoy a lot. They're in no particular order.

A classic, for starters. But I'm a cheerleader!: Very campy, barbie-y, funny and free on YouTube. A cheerleader is sent to a conversation camp when her social circle realizes that she might be into girls. (It has a very unrealistic portrayal of conversation camps, though. Very cartoony) my comfort movie fr fr

Priscilla, queen of the desert: A trio of drag queens travel across the desert on a big, old bus. They fight, there's some falling in love. They talk a lot about gender identity, queer childhoods and similar topics. I've only been able to find this one (and most of the ones on this list, since I don't have any streaming devices) on illegal websites. There's very, very direct homophobia, SA, physical abuse, child neglect, yk, the American dream. The queens are the funnier thing ever, the romance plotlines are absolutely delightful and well-rounded. Focuses a bit more on the community itself and interpersonal relationships. All around, a solid 10/10.

Kinky boots: A very prude, engaged man inherits a shoe fabric. He's running out of ideas to stay in business, until he meets a drag queen. Same warnings (and themes!) as the last one. This one has a stronger focus on how the characters become more accepting and how our queen navigates being faced with them. I've rewatched it like a hundred times.

The birdcage (2000's) or le cauge aux folles (1970'): A gay couple runs a drag club. Their son brings home a conservative girlfriend and her family. This is more comedy lenient, but funny as fuck nonetheless.

Paris is burning: this one is a documentary, btw. Focuses on the life of drag queens in the 80's. Nothing I didn't already say on Priscilla tbh.

Saving face: A chinese-american girl that lives in a VERY conservatory and secluded community is trying (and failing) not to fall in love with a ballerina. At the same time, her mother (a widow, how scandalous!) gets mysteriously pregnant and gets kicked out of their family home. This one will hit close to home if you're from any ethnic, homophobic household. Cried a lot. Then cried some more. Happy ending, though!

D.E.B.S: THIS IS THE FUNNIEST, CUTEST MOVIE EVER. It's a full on romance comedy for when the mind is a bit too tired! The main plot is that, in a school of girls being trained to be top-notch spies (very totally spies type) a girl who's the top of her class falls in love with the biggest villainess they ever faced. More of a coming of age thing, that also explores the good old dilemma of choosing what the hell you're supposed to do with your life once you turn 18 (relatable tbh)

And now, for a book (in Spanish, though) we have "Las Malas": Narrated by a trans, poor prostitute. Extremely realistic in its narrative voice, cruel and very hurtful sometimes. This is actually one of my favorite books ever, it's so fucking underrated that I'm going to die if no one reads it. There's EVERYTHING. It genuinely drives me crazy to read this. We have queer moms, a child found in a freezing park, suicides, literally anything happens. I love it.

If anyone has any suggestions PLEASE drop them. I'm begging u

[bibibbon]

You talked about Spiderman and Izuku's suffering in canon and fics. And hurt/comfort for Izu is a bit rare to find.

But that's not the point ...one trope I loathe is when they use "red sneakers" theory and ... apparently every hero shows up to see Izu being abused by BK and would step in to save but....."oh he has a red sneakers?! Quirkless?! Ewww"

You have no idea how I hate this trope.

It's has no base in canon and....if the idea is to make the heroes look bad...we do have canon for that. Their arrogance is a good start point.

I hate when a fic says "here a hero btw he does lots of crimes" to justify as why a hero wouldn't intervine in seeing Izu being beat up by BK.

Just wanted to rant. Bc I do hate this trope. Quirkless discrimination is just a gimmick and nothing else. Also...even if there is quirkless discrimination it would serve only to shit on Izu bc...what he can do? "Revolution!" Damn, he is a abused and traumatized kid who has no one...the whole "liberator spiel" don't work with him and frankly...the issue of racism is so more deep than "kid makes a cool speech and everyone is cool"

It's just complex nuance that...no one gave much thought.

And again, it's fic. People can write what they want. Not a cop.

Just I think this trope is horrible.

Hi @mikeellee 👋

We all have th right to dislike or like son tropes that exist and I for one have to agree with you as I don't like the use of red trainers = quirkless but I like some portrayals of quirkless discrimination in fics and I do think that the concept of quirkless discrimination makes sense but I don't like the whole red shoe = quirkless thing.

Most ways I have seen this trope be used is to show how a lot of heroes are quirkist and that they don't help quirkless people because they're quirkless which is a bit unrealistic in a way to me. Like canon has better ways of showing how corrupt heroes can be so the whole ignoring people because of red sneakers thing seems idk how to articulate it but bad ig🤷‍♀️. For example you can have a hero be passive aggressive towards a quirkless individual, or you can the quirkless individual receive weird treatments.

I suppose you are right to saying that there is little substance when it comes to quirkless discrimination because yes in reality there is however, we see a lot of the impacts to being quirkless. Every quirkless character we have seen have all voiced insecurities about their quirklesness and how they feel like they are useless because they are quirkless which is interesting because in some of the fan translations of the first MHA chapter quirks are labeled "individualites" aka what makes someone unique and quirkless people lack that.

I think Izuku being discriminated adds more to his character especially because the early arcs do show us how that has effected him and how he has 1) no social skills 2) is incredibly attention starved 3) doesn't seem to have a grasp on what a healthy relationship is. All of these set izuku up as a character that needs development and needs to heal. Izuku needs to heal but he also needs to come to the understanding that what happend is wrong and shouldn't happen which would make him understand the greyness of society in a better light while also acknowledging his narration of "nobody is born equal"

Lastly, I don't think Izuku's story should be about him rising and changing and doing all of this on his own but it should be him being the last straw and influencing change.

[hayatheauthor]

Do you have any tips/guides for writing abusive parents? How they act, and how a fight where they lash out at their child would be? I’m writing a story in which one of the main characters grows up with abusive parents that mistreat her because she doesn’t fit into society’s definition of ‘normal’ (they basically see her as a monster in the literal meaning of the word), and at one point they have a fight because the parents find out that she’s kept a secret close friendship from them for several years, and they snap at her for going behind their backs (despite the parents not really caring about her and what she’s up to normally) while simultaneously being skeptical of their friendship, what it entails, and what being friends with them child says about the friend.

The problem is that no matter how I try to write the scene, it feels dramatized, if that makes sense. I get the feeling that it becomes unrealistic or stereotypical, especially since I know that in abusive households, a lot of the aggression and communication happens without words. I’ve tried researching a bit, but I struggle to find anything that’s relevant, and my childhood struggles were (luckily) not related to abusive parents, so I don’t have many experiences to use as reference when writing.

Resources And Advice For Writing Abusive Parents

Your story sounds really intriguing! I don't have personal experience with this but I asked around and did some research, and I uncovered a lot of interesting facts. If just been looking for a bit of advice/resources, in which case you can scroll straight to the bottom of the blog where I have some resources and niche advice for you.

But, if you, or any other reader for that matter, needs general help in writing abusive parental figures, here is everything I've uncovered thus far.  

Understand The Abuser 

Most of the blogs I read stated it's important to first understand your abuser. While not excusing the behaviour, understanding the motivations behind the abuser's actions can make your portrayal more nuanced. Abusers often have their own traumas or issues.

Abusive parents can emerge from a variety of traumatic backgrounds, each influencing their behaviour in distinct ways. 

Some may have experienced abuse themselves, perpetuating a cycle they learned as children. Others might grapple with deep-seated insecurities, projecting their fears onto their children in an attempt to regain control. Understanding the diverse motivations behind abusive behaviour allows you to create a more authentic and layered portrayal of your characters.

You mentioned your character's parents mistreat her because she doesn't fit in the social norm, so start with figuring out why they're behaving this way. More often than not parental abusers abuse their children because they think they're 'saving' their child from something. 

This is a common trend in female relationships, i.e the mother will abuse her daughter in an attempt to 'protect' her from what the mother faced. A mother who faced fatphobia might become an almond mom, etc. 

The Motive 

Understanding their motive will help you build a reason for their abuse, and then you can create realistic reactions based on that. 

Let's continue with the almond mom example. Now, the mother might presume by verbally abusing her daughters and telling them to look/eat a certain way she shelters them from ever having to face this from other people. 

If the mother's purpose is to ensure her daughter doesn't gain weight then she would likely have a more subtle abuse style.  

So rather than having the mother snatch away the daughter's food in public and eat it for herself, the mother would take her daughter to a food court and fish out veggie bags from her purse claiming that is their lunch. 

Maybe she constantly checks the daughter's weight and takes away certain food privileges (carbs/sugar) depending on the changes.

First, figure this out, or if you're having a hard time, you could tell me their motive and I'll help you with some realistic reactions/abuse tactics. 

Complex Relationships

One important thing to understand about abusive parents is that at the end of the day. As children, we naturally crave parental approval, an instinct deeply embedded in our emotional fabric. This yearning persists even when we recognize the toxicity of the relationship. The deprivation of affection intensifies our desire for it, leading to a complex interplay of emotions.

In the context of your narrative, consider how your character might unconsciously seek their parents' approval despite the abusive dynamics. The power dynamics are not solely physical; emotional manipulation plays a significant role. An abusive parent's disapproval, expressed through statements like being disappointed or claiming their actions are for the child's benefit, can profoundly affect the abused child.

Perhaps their new friend is teaching them to detach from this mindset, something the parents deeply dislike and thus they want to distance your character from this friend to reinstate their control. 

The Emotional Turmoil That Comes With It 

Incorporating subtle cues to showcase your character's emotional turmoil can add layers to their experience of abuse. Consider a poignant example: your character choosing to wear a hoodie as a shield against the verbal assaults from their mother.  

Perhaps on a day when they wore a hoodie, their mother made a disparaging comment, implying that concealing certain features made them appear more "normal." This traumatic incident could prompt your character to adopt hoodies as a protective barrier against the verbal onslaught, highlighting the lasting impact of emotional abuse.

Abuse vs Negligence 

Exploring the nuances between abuse and negligence is crucial for creating a realistic portrayal of an abusive household. While physical and verbal abuse may be more visibly evident, neglect can be equally damaging, leaving lasting scars on a child's psyche.

Negligence encompasses a range of behaviours where parents fail to fulfil their responsibilities. This could involve emotional neglect, where a child's emotional needs are consistently ignored or dismissed. It might manifest as a lack of guidance, support, or affection, creating an environment where the child feels invisible or unimportant.

Moreover, neglect can extend to physical care, where parents neglect their child's basic needs, such as nutrition, hygiene, or medical attention. This form of neglect can have severe consequences on a child's health and well-being.

In your story, consider how neglectful behaviour intertwines with the abusive elements. Maybe the parents, consumed by their own issues, consistently overlook your character's struggles, reinforcing a sense of isolation and abandonment. 

This interplay between neglect and abuse can deepen the emotional impact on your character and provide a more comprehensive portrayal of their traumatic experiences. It can also help you build a more meaningful tie with this friend. Maybe your character befriended this friend at a time when they felt abandoned and rejected by everyone, including those who were supposed to care for them the most. 

Manipulation 

In the realm of abuse and negligence, manipulation becomes a powerful tool that abusers often wield to maintain control. It's essential to recognize the subtle ways in which manipulation seeps into the dynamics of an abusive relationship.

Manipulation in neglectful situations might involve gaslighting, where the parents distort the child's reality or dismiss their feelings and experiences. This psychological manipulation can make the child doubt their perceptions and question the validity of their emotions, further intensifying the emotional toll.

Abusers may use manipulation as a means to deflect responsibility, shifting the blame onto the child for their own neglectful behaviours. This can create a warped sense of guilt and shame within the child, fostering a belief that they are somehow responsible for the inadequate care they receive.

In your narrative, explore how manipulation intertwines with neglect. Perhaps the parents employ manipulative tactics to downplay the severity of their neglectful actions, creating a distorted narrative that serves their agenda. This manipulation can deepen the emotional trauma experienced by your character, adding layers to their complex relationship with their parents. 

General Resources 

Here are curated resources to aid you in portraying the complexities of abusive dynamics and crafting a scene that resonates truthfully:

Movies:

Precious (2009): A poignant exploration of abuse and resilience.

Sleepers (1996): Delves into the impact of childhood trauma.

Books:

The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls: A memoir unravelling the intricacies of challenging family dynamics.

The Color Purple by Alice Walker: A powerful narrative addressing abuse and empowerment.

Real-Life Stories:

RAINN (Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network): Offers survivor stories and resources.

Domestic Violence Hotline: Real-life narratives and support.

Online Articles:

Psychology Today: A wealth of articles dissecting the nuances of abusive relationships.

National Domestic Violence Hotline Blog: Real stories and insightful perspectives.

Approach these resources with sensitivity, understanding that the subject matter can be triggering. Always prioritize your mental health and well-being while navigating the intense world of abusive relationships in your writing journey. 

Resources Specific To Your Question

My main advice would be to read personal accounts or case studies of individuals who have experienced abuse. This doesn't have to be real people, it can also be fictional characters. One character who comes to mind is Rapunzel. 

Hear me out—just like your character Rapunzel meets Flynn who is someone her mother does not like. The ending of Tangled is a scene that comes to mind. You mentioned a fear of seeming too dramatic, but you could showcase the parents suddenly showing their 'true colours' in order to reinstate control over their child. 

This can either backfire and the child realises it's now or never, they need to take a stand, or the child is terrified of the repercussions and gives in. Maybe you could write things like 'and suddenly, she was a five-year-old again, with tears and snot racing down her face as she begged her parents to simply look at her.' 

I hope this blog on Resources And Advice For Writing Abusive Parents will help you in your writing journey. Be sure to comment any tips of your own to help your fellow authors prosper, and follow my blog for new blog updates every Monday and Thursday.  

Looking For More Writing Tips And Tricks? 

Are you an author looking for writing tips and tricks to better your manuscript? Or do you want to learn about how to get a literary agent, get published and properly market your book? Consider checking out the rest of Haya’s book blog where I post writing and publishing tips for authors every Monday and Thursday! And don’t forget to head over to my TikTok and Instagram profiles @hayatheauthor to learn more about my WIP and writing journey! 

[maul-of-shame]

Yeah so, I have to admit, I'm a bit disappointed when I see haladriel fans ally themselves with dudebros/gatekeepers when it comes to Elrondriel, and I'm saying this as someone who was crazy obsessed with haladriel back in season 1.

It's always about Sauron falling hard for Galadriel and not respecting Elven marriage, but they never consider Galadriel's thoughts in this. Of course, Elrond would never aggressively pursue Galadriel (and he'd never stab her), but why is Sauron's interest in her more acceptable when you always deny Galadriel's consent in all of this?

The show has NOT 100% established the concept of marriage between Elves, so it's all fair game honestly, for now it is.

They want the Dark Lord to hurt Galadriel, to ravage her, to be completely obsessed with her light, they want him to be 'in love' with her? Hey, that's okay, ship away, no worries.

But why, the bloody hell, is it so wrong to entertain the thought that maybe, just MAYBE, Galadriel and Elrond's friendship could very slowly turn into something more? Celebrían is not alive, Celeborn is very much considered dead, and the showrunners EXCLUDED HIM FOR TWO SEASONS.

Galadriel and Elrond have NO IDEA that there are books about their future!

Absolutely, and you’ve nailed so many core issues here. It’s honestly baffling to see some Haladriel shippers—especially those who seem to favor more, shall we say, “intense” or even abusive interpretations of their relationship—be so quick to dismiss Elrondriel as “unrealistic” or “absurd.”

Let’s be real here: the version of Haladriel that often gets depicted is rooted in an extreme power imbalance. Sauron, even as Halbrand, repeatedly manipulated, deceived, and betrayed Galadriel in deeply harmful ways, gaslighting her and exploiting her every weakness for his own ends. And yet, somehow, that’s considered “realistic” romance material while Elrond and Galadriel’s long-standing, respectful, and mutually supportive friendship is written off? It’s like we’re in a hall of mirrors here.

And you’re absolutely right about the portrayal of Galadriel in some of these narratives—where is her agency in this? If anything, the Haladriel dynamic tends to erase her thoughts, her autonomy, and her choices, reducing her to a passive player in Sauron’s “obsession.” She becomes this object of desire that he wants to conquer or possess, often in ways that strip her of dignity or choice. And yet, this is somehow lauded as deep and tragic? Galadriel’s willpower, her agency, her determination, and, yes, her capacity for forgiveness—they’re all key aspects of her character, but she’s not here to serve as a project for redemption or to absorb the darkness of others, Sauron included.

Her forgiveness, her trust, and her resilience are not infinite nor expendable resources to be used up by someone like Sauron, who betrayed her deeply and repeatedly.

On the flip side, the idea of Galadriel and Elrond developing something deeper feels like a natural evolution of a relationship that’s already grounded in respect, understanding, and shared history. They’ve faced countless battles together, watched each other’s struggles, and understood each other’s pain. There’s no manipulation, no coercion, no toxic dynamic undermining their connection.

Elrond, of all people, would never use Galadriel’s vulnerabilities or her trauma against her. In fact, he’s one of the only people she can be completely open with, knowing that he will always respond with compassion and understanding. Their dynamic is built on reciprocity, where both give and both receive equally. Isn’t that the foundation of a lasting bond?

And frankly, this whole argument about canon marriages—let’s address that. In the show’s current reality, Celeborn is gone, presumed dead, and Celebrían does not exist. In this context, the show itself is asking us to look at Elrond and Galadriel in isolation from the constraints of any preconceived familial obligations. They’re free to find their own path, and to argue that they somehow “shouldn’t” connect just because of some theoretical future relationship that neither of them knows about… well, that’s just projecting an in-universe fourth wall that only we are aware of. For all Galadriel and Elrond know, they’re free to act on what they feel in the moment, in this timeline, with their own choices.

In this world, the paths they choose aren’t preordained by canon; they’re being written anew, and they’re unfolding without the constraints of future in-laws or off-limits partnerships. So why is it so hard to accept that these two characters might explore a different connection?

And here’s where the hypocrisy comes in.

Some fans love to wield canon as a “gotcha” whenever Elrondriel is mentioned, as though they have the final say with a quick “but in the books!” Yet, the same “canon champions” often conveniently disregard the very lore they claim to defend when it suits their ship.

Case in point: Haladriel.

Canonically, Galadriel and Sauron are deeply antagonistic, and Sauron’s entire narrative is built around betrayal, deceit, and the ruination of Middle-earth. And yet, plenty of Haladriel shippers happily ignore these details, building a narrative where Sauron “falls for” Galadriel, becomes obsessed with her, or even wins her over—things that, in canon, would be outright impossible without dismantling both of their characters.

But for some reason, when it comes to Elrond and Galadriel, suddenly the canon constraints are iron-clad, and these same voices are quick to cry out that their relationship can only ever be familial.

Somehow, canon matters only when it’s about shutting down Elrondriel, while any liberties taken with other ships are just “creative freedom” or “interpretation.”

It’s hard not to notice how one-sided this critique is.

Why should only Elrondriel be policed with a rigid adherence to canon, especially in a show that has already diverged from the source material on multiple fronts?

If people are allowed to explore romantic narratives between Galadriel and Sauron—who, in any canon, have a dark and tragic, not to mention adversarial, history—then it’s more than fair to let others explore the very plausible bond between Galadriel and Elrond. In fact, this relationship actually has a foundation of mutual trust and care, something that could believably evolve into something deeper, especially given their shared struggles and intimate understanding of each other’s pain.

The truth is, Elrond and Galadriel don’t need a canon mandate to justify their bond; their connection in the show speaks for itself. They’ve supported each other through the loss, sacrifice, and turmoil of their lives, and their moments together are filled with warmth, respect, and emotional depth. Instead of being tied down by some external “expectation” or duty, they’re free to define their relationship on their own terms—something rare and precious in their world.

So, if the show gives us a meaningful, organic relationship between Elrond and Galadriel, it’s not only perfectly plausible—it’s beautiful. In the absence of their canonical partners, these two are allowed to seek comfort, understanding, and even love from each other, unburdened by any future that neither they nor we need to impose on them. And, frankly, those who so quickly jump to use canon as a weapon to dismiss this connection might want to take a closer look at why they’re so insistent on limiting it.

If people want to explore Sauron falling for Galadriel, go ahead and dive into that dynamic! I’m all for exploring any and every angle in fiction—just don’t act like it’s somehow “more valid” than Elrondriel or dismiss it as a lesser connection.

At the end of the day, it's all about narrative choices and creative freedom, and no one should be policing how others ship. But here’s the thing: when you hold up Sauron’s infatuation with Galadriel as something deep and meaningful, while at the same time dismissing Elrondriel as “implausible” or “unrealistic,” you’re supporting a double standard.

Sauron, who’s literally the embodiment of darkness and corruption, isn’t just casually swept into some healthy relationship with Galadriel. No matter how it’s framed, it’s built on a foundation of power dynamics, manipulation, abuse, and entirely warped motivations. We’re not talking about a romantic hero here; we’re talking about a monster.

Yet, somehow, this relationship is excused, even romanticized by some fans, as “compelling” or “tragically beautiful.”

Now, compare that to Elrondriel. The relationship between Elrond and Galadriel has been established within the show itself as something genuine, built on shared experiences, mutual respect, and a deep, almost unspoken understanding of each other. These two have been through hell and back. They’re scarred by loss, shaped by wars that neither of them ever wanted but still faced with dignity and resilience. Their relationship isn’t born out of “oh, they’re supposed to be together because they’re just characters with no other connections.” No, their connection is earned. It’s a natural progression that, in the context of this show, makes total sense. They’ve been each other's anchors through the darkest of times, and that’s not some fanfiction twist—it’s real emotional bonding. It’s patient, it’s steady, and it’s something that, in this context, could absolutely evolve into something more.

But that’s where the double standard kicks in. When we’re talking about Sauron and Galadriel, suddenly people are okay with this toxic, one-sided obsession where Sauron is a monstrous being trying to warp Galadriel’s light for his own gain. It’s as if some people are just waiting for Galadriel to be the one who “fixes” him, or somehow becomes the vessel for his redemption, the “gentle woman” who can heal the ultimate evil.

That is not the story Galadriel deserves.

She is not here to be anyone’s therapist, especially not Sauron’s.

That kind of dynamic is incredibly troubling, and frankly, it’s almost like saying, “well, let’s just ignore all the horrific things he’s done and make it about Galadriel being kind enough to heal him.” That's putting the entire weight of the narrative on Galadriel’s shoulders, completely glossing over the fact that Sauron’s motivations have always been driven by a hunger for power, corruption, and domination.

That’s not love. That’s an unhealthy obsession, one-sided and manipulative, and shouldn’t be romanticized.

On the flip side, Elrond and Galadriel’s relationship doesn’t revolve around either of them needing to “fix” the other. It’s about mutual healing, support, and understanding. No one is trying to change anyone here. Their connection comes from shared strength, pain, and a desire to do better for the world around them. It's not about finding a way to redeem each other or fix the broken pieces of the other person; it's about two people who, having been through hell, can look at each other and recognize something in one another—a quiet, unspoken bond forged through hardship, not through some savior complex.

I’m honestly so disappointed in the Haladriel shippers who’ve chosen to align themselves with the lore dudebros, just to “feel included,” after everything we’ve been through as a community.

It’s like they’ve completely forgotten what it felt like to be on the other side of all those discussions back in season 1, when we were all fighting for our ships, for more depth, for more nuanced portrayals of characters like Galadriel and Elrond. We were the ones standing up against the gatekeepers, pushing for representation, and fighting for the right to enjoy the story our way, without being told we didn’t “understand” or “respect canon.”

We were the ones who, despite all the hate and condescension, continued to argue for the inclusion of more complex relationships, of exploring things beyond the established norm. And now, to see these same people—who were in our shoes—suddenly cozying up to the very group of gatekeepers they once condemned, all to feel like they’re “part of the crowd” or “accepted” in the fandom, it’s beyond frustrating.

It feels like they’ve forgotten the fight, forgotten the passion we all had in season 1, whatever the ships, when it wasn’t about fitting in, but about standing up for what we loved.

We stood against the exclusionary mindset, against the judgmental and restrictive ideas that defined what “true” Tolkien fans were supposed to look like. And now, it feels like some are abandoning the very principles we fought for, just to avoid conflict or feel “validated” by the same people who’ve made us feel like outsiders.

I’m deeply let down by this, angry, saddened and honestly, it’s heartbreaking to see the shift in what was once a community built on inclusivity and acceptance of diverse interpretations, now so willing to compromise for the sake of comfort and belonging.

[feministcircle]

In 2014, it was Amazon who dominated the book industry but now in 2024, it’s who’s emerging as the biggest influencer in the book world. It’s reaching people particularly through a niche called "BookTok," where users review and recommend books. TikTok has a vast and youthful audience, including particularly Gen Z and this has driven the shift to TikTok with BookTok often highlighting explicit and sexually charged literature.

While BookTok introduces readers to a range of books, it frequently features content with graphic scenes and controversial themes, including toxic relationship dynamics and abuse. This trend raises concerns about younger readers, who may be exposed to unrealistic or harmful portrayals of relationships and sexuality without adequate context. Many people note that there are similarities of being addicted to these kinds of sexually charged books and porn addiction. Which is a very interesting thing to claim, especially because the porn industry has been so harmful to women. This not only minimizes how serious a porn addiction is, but it also seems like a very misogynistic attack on a community that consists primarily of women, but there hasn’t been much criticism for the men who read the books. It’s also important to note that books enjoyed predominantly by men never seem to get this kind of attention, books like Game of Thrones, where the sexual content in there is very concerning. Many women feel uncomfortable with the sexual assault and harassment that the women in the series face. 

Despite these issues, BookTok has positive aspects, such as fostering reading communities and potentially encouraging new reading habits through TikTok’s personalized algorithm. However, the focus on explicit content and the romanticization of problematic relationships prompt important discussions about the influence of social media on literature and its impact on young readers. What do you think? Is it valid criticism or is it just another thing to ridicule women? 

[lesbian-books]

Lesbian Historical Fiction

Fingersmith by Sarah Waters

Victorian England, 1860s. A con artist hires a London pickpocket to help him obtain the fortune of a naïve heiress.

Beyond the Screen Door by Julia Diana Robertson

Washington, USA, 1945. Two best friends grow up together and start to fall in love. One of them can see ghosts, but this is not a scary book.

Cantoras by Carolina De Robertis

Uruguay, 1977. During the military dictatorship, homosexual people were persecuted, imprisoned, and tortured. Five women (three lesbians and two bisexuals) manage to find each other and cultivate a friendship that will last for decades.

Club Storyville by Riley LaShea

Virginia, USA, 1944. A girl raised to be a “proper lady” falls in love with a nurse who comes to care for her sick grandmother.

Belladonna by Anbara Salam

Italy, 1950s. An insecure teenage girl develops a toxic obsession with her beautiful and popular best friend. As the girls graduate high school and attend an art school, their relationship becomes complicated by sexual lust and secrecy.

Lies We Tell Ourselves by Robin Talley

Virginia, USA, 1959. Sarah is one of the first black students to attend her previously all-white high school. She becomes acquainted with a white student named Linda, whose father is a major opponent of desegregation.

Shaken to the Core by Jae

California, USA, 1906. Giuliana, a working class Sicilian immigrant woman, goes to work as a maid for a rich American family. The daughter of the family, Kate, is expected to marry a rich man and have children, but Kate wants to be financially independent and be with a woman. This book is set in the time period of the real life 1906 San Francisco earthquake, one of the deadliest natural disasters in U.S. history, which killed over 3000 people and destroyed most of the city.

Last Night at the Telegraph Club by Malina Lo

California, USA, 1950s. A Chinese-American girl has a lesbian awakening, makes friends with another lesbian at her school, and discovers the vibrant nightlife in lesbian bars.

Matrix by Lauren Groff

England, 1150s. A young French woman named Marie is forced to go to an English convent to become the new prioress. The nuns are living in hunger and squalor when Marie arrives, and when she takes charge she transforms the fate of the convent and the lives of the nuns into something better and more successful than they could have imagined.

Click “Keep reading” for content warnings. Minor spoilers ahead.

Content warnings for Fingersmith: abuse, including child abuse

Content warnings for Beyond the Screen Door: child abuse, domestic violence

Content warnings for Cantoras: abuse, child sexual abuse, corrective rape, marital rape, suicide

Content warnings for Lies We Tell Ourselves: racist abuse. Additional note: This book does not hold back from depicting the racism and homophobia of the time. It has also been criticised for its portrayal of an oppressed person falling in love with their oppressor, and rightfully so because that aspect could have been done better, but at the same time I don’t think that lesbian relationships in books have to always be written as flawlessly healthy and morally pure, just as hetero relationships often are not. If Linda had abandoned all her racist beliefs immediately and rededicated her goals to supporting black civil rights, then the book would have been criticised for being too unrealistic, imo.

[archduchessofnowhere]

I'm finally back home so more thoughts about Sisi & Ich:

This movie was screened as part of a German Film Festival and while I'd never been to one before I felt it was exactly what you would expect for a film festival. Like I can't imagine this movie doing well with a general audience.

The movie is so anachronistic (completely made up fashion, modern pop music, modern hairstyles, the actors look nothing like their historical counterparts) that it's really easy to forget this is supposed to be about Empress Elisabeth and Irma Sztáray; because of that I was able to enjoy it mostly as a story about a very toxic, manipulative and dependant relationship between two women. If you like stories about fucked up people doing fucked up things to each other "out of love" you'll like this one.

This, however, made me wish they had gone full AU because every time the story actually did adapt things from real history it did it in a way it annoyed me: so Elisabeth's eating disorder became in a full on screen portrayal of bulimia (something she never had), and her complicated but mostly amicable relationship with her husband was turned into an abusive marriage. From a historical perspective these were the things I disliked the most, since to me they felt tasteless and only for shock value.

Archduke Ludwig Viktor is a character here, and while the close friendship he has with his sister-in-law in this movie is completely fictional (Elisabeth had been fond of him when he was a child but they had a fell out years later and never again got along), I actually liked it; he is kinda like Ludwig II in Corsage but without the weird kissing scenes.

But the character that completely takes the spotlight is Irma. Sandra Hüller is fantastic as her, easily the best actress in the movie. She portrays both Irma's utter devotion for the empress as well as her rage against her in such a gripping way. Really I think the movie is worth it just for her.

Elisabeth, however, was a bit underwhelming. She feels like a manic pixie dream girl for most of the movie; it's probably on purpose, since we see the story through Irma's POV and she idealised her, but personally I couldn't really connect with her character with how unrealistic she felt sometimes. It was a refreshing take, I'll give it that: it's rare to see an elder Elisabeth who isn't a mater dolorosa who's always sad and miserable.

FJ was done so dirty, they just keep making him more and more evil lol.

Every time they made a joke about Katharina Schratt... keep my wife's name out of your fucking mouth!

The England segment should've been cut out because it felt like a completely different movie that pops out of nowhere, and not only isn't even the right time (the England trips were in the 1870s), but also the only thing that achieved was making me loose my respect for Elisabeth's character (the squire was cute tho).

I've seen this movie as LGBT/recommended for LGBT folks so to not disappoint you I'll give you the heads up that the only gay content we get are two hours of unresolved sexual tension between Irma and Elisabeth (and also between Ludwig Viktor and a guy from Elisabeth's staff, the gays just weren't getting it in this movie). That being said Irma is clearly a lesbian (even tho she is never referred as such) and Ludwig Viktor is also openly gay, so there are LGBT characters.

These are just some of the things I have to say off the top of my head, but I'll try to write a full review this weekend!

[gear-project]

Annon-Guy: Sorry if I already asked this, but what are your thoughts on Tsundere's, including the ones who comically attack their love interest? They tend to get a lot of hate for being "abusive". Example: Kagome from Inuyasha.

GP Mini-rant on Manga ahead: Readers HAVE BEEN WARNED!

I'm actually not very fond of Romcoms (Romantic Comedies) in terms of my personal tastes.

There have been stories like Seto no Hanayome (My Bride is a Mermaid) which takes abuse of the male protagonist to the extreme… and sometimes I have to wonder if there is some disconnect between people who understand men versus people who are fans of the female gender in Japanese Culture.

You have this "idea" where women are the dominant force in all relationships in the manga writing, be it Tsundere, Kuudere, Yandere, Yuri etc…

And counter to all this you have all these reincarnation stories where the male protagonist dies and gets reincarnated with god-like powers to dominate his own harem as an act of "revenge" against the women (mostly) who wronged him.

While I do like some elements in Fantasy stories (and even Harem stories on occasion)… like I said, there is a huge disconnect between Japanese culture and more realistic relationships out there, which suggests to me that Men or Male culture in Japan is highly diminished and separated from real interactions with women.

I'd also argue it's not all that different here in America, and let's not even dive in to the sub-categories of gender preference that people have enforced these days.

Rather, the traditional concepts of romance or even marriage and family has been tossed in the gutter, if not forgotten altogether by modern culture and beliefs if you ask me.

Maybe there are a "few" stories and manga/anime out there that claim to embody the genre "slice of life"… But which slice of WHOSE life? What's "normal" anymore?

I'm not saying that it's all bad or inconsistent writing, or even that the manga out there isn't worth reading… some stories are REALLY GOOD… But I am saying that a lot of it is unrealistic and not very wholesome to readers without understanding the underlying culture as context.

There's different ideas of what is "funny" or "humor" and minor differences in culture without any explanation can really transform a joke between friends in to a controversial offensive debate.

Inuyasha (and its spinoffs) have been around for many MANY years… so that brand of gag humor is consistent with the author themselves, but a lot of that humor is better expressed in the manga, rather than how it is interpreted in the Anime adaptations… especially considering the idea that Kagome's relationship with Inuyasha is much more seriously expressed in the Anime itself… (you can actually see this expressed more in the sequel to Inuyasha: Hanyo no Yashahime, particularly when the girls encounter their parents who legitimately love their children despite being half-demon).

It's somewhat like trying to explain Tsukkomi and Boke/Manzai comedy to people who don't get why it's funny (and even then, you can't guarantee that that brand of humor would be considered "funny" to some people).

Well… at the end of the day, there's manga you like and manga you DON'T like… and that applies to everyone.

I've got my share of reading lists, and not everyone likes what I read (in fact I often see a lot of people dropping the manga I read sometimes).

What this all boils down to is that if you want to find a type of character (male or female) that you "like", sometimes you won't find it in some cultures.

For example… if I were to describe my "ideal romance"…:

The woman is aggressive and passionate but also respectable and honest with herself… and the relationship is healthy and still reasonable (meaning they do consider marriage as a prospect in the future and don't take things too far unless their intentions are to stay together).

The man is adaptive, also reasonable, understanding, but also has his own standards but isn't particularly portrayed as perverse or obsessed with the female gender, rather he'd be "obsessed" with the person he falls in love with and have wholesome and healthy reasons for that.

The relationship wouldn't lean entirely on the man for support OR the woman… and you'd actually GET to see what a healthy relationship is like for a potentially-married couple. The responibilities and burdens both sides have… and how they support and help one another in a realistic setting.

If the manga story I've just described rings any bells to you, GOOD, that means there's still people out there who understand what realistic romance is like!

Well anyway… that's enough discussion on THAT topic… But well.. I do like my weird subgenres… reincarnation god mangas, super harems, monster girls, and other ODD stories… but well, even if they ARE unrealistic, at least a few stories have the sense of self-awareness to point that out to readers (I've seen a few good harem stories actually DO that with the struggles each female character HAS inside the Harem).

Part of the reason I read Harem genre is "because" it's complex, like a juggling act, and history has shown poligamy to be this mystical concept few people comprehend in romance because of our basic selfish nature to want to be FIRST in our significant others' thoughts.

Well that's it for now… If you ask me though, there's not enough Mecha and Science-fiction genre manga out there, emphasis on the SCIENCE.

[thekatea]

The Eclipse

Watched: 22.02.2023

Simplistic symbolism and how being a teenager is actually hard.

A rare case when my brain sees all the flaws, but my heart says: I don’t care. The whole show has a great juvenile charm to it, and the sloppy storytelling and in your face symbolism just adds to it. Sure, I strongly believe that with a few different directing choices this could easily become one of the best BL shows up to date, but even as it is right now, it’s truly enjoyable.

Yes, the setup on the surface is painfully stupid. We are sold the story of this abusive authoritarian school and students fighting for their rights, but what is presented is 3 students not wanting to wear uniforms. Is it that simple? No. It was never about uniforms, it was about self expression and more accurately sexuality.

The uniforms and the rules were supposed to represent the norm in terms of sexuality. Following the rules in school meant following social norms. Suppressing your sexuality to fit with what was established and deemed as "normal". The whole show is a commentary on the conservative and outdated ideas and how they harm the youth. It’s a great subject with a idea on how to present it, but not as good of an execution.

The storytelling was not detailed enough. We are presented with a wall of rules that were established, yet we actually know about only two. What are the others? No idea. What consequences are the students facing if they break the rules? No idea. There is the curse, but that’s it. Where are the parents? The whole adult side of the show is ridiculously unbelievable.

On the other hand, it made perfect sense why the teens were being “overdramatic” - they are teens. Suppression of individuality at the time when it's most crucial to figure yourself out is not really a small thing. The Eclipse did a great job to make me sympathize with the issues these kids were facing and how big of an impact it has on them. From the point of view of an adult, my initial reaction was: why are they so dramatic? Just be patient for the next few months, graduate and move on. But that type of thinking is the issue - if they are told to follow the rules and not question anything now, how will they learn to fight for their rights later? Their actions as teens will shape their behavior, motivations, personalities later on. Nothing really changes as you grow up. First you are told to do what your teachers say, later you are told to listen to your professors. Then you need to follow your bosses instructions. That’s why it’s so important for the youth to ask questions, debate, reflect on the problems and issues and not just do what adults tell them.

For the characters, the leads were phenomenal - both in the writing and portrayal. Seeking validation and purpose. Sticking to the role one obsesses over, because it feels like it's the only thing that defines who we are. The fear of being seen as disappointment. The drama also touches on the subjects of depression and suicide. How we should not judge one’s struggles based on our own standards. How we should be patient with others, because we cannot know and truly understand what they are going through.

What I appreciated the most was the takes on coming out and accepting your sexuality. It’s not the “I don’t like guys, I only like you”. It’s not “everyone is either gay or loves gay”. None of the unrealistic scenarios here. It often takes time to figure yourself out, it takes time to accept what you find, it takes time to then admit it to others. In that aspect I could not like the relationship between Akk and Ayan more. Not to mention one of the best on screen chemistry I have seen in ages.

For the acting, I've been a fan of Khaotung for some time. Realistically speaking, he is one of the best that Thai BLs can offer. I rewatched some scenes simply because of his performance. Thank god First was cast as his co-star, also delivering a solid portrayal.

Production wise I don’t really have complaints. I think some of the setup and directing ideas were too big for the production team, which led to a few questionable and ridiculous takes, but damn the show was pretty.

Overall, I liked it a lot. Yes, the setup and the way they decided to present some serious issues was questionable, but I still believe it was better than the majority of BLs out there. The biggest problem was the transition from rules at school being the issues, to how they relate to the overall social norms and homophobia - it was too jarring. You get the idea behind it all, but you still feel like it’s a bit too disconnected from each other.

[words-after-midnight]

✅ and 🥀 for the adaptation ask game!

From the WIP Adaptations Ask Game.

I'll answer these for Life in Black and White:

✅—Which character/plot point/etc would be your favorite to see on screen?

Jeff for sure. I remember the first time I watched the first season of Killing Eve with @ananarchie, where the actress playing the antagonist nails a specific thing that Jeff also does with his facial expressions, and generally has quite similar mannerisms to his. I was practically spellbound watching her for the first few episodes because it was really like watching a female version of Jeff, lol. I've never seen a character more similar to him in the "little things" of their characterization.

🥀—Which character/plot point/etc is most important for an adaption to get right?

I think there's a lot, to be honest, which is why it kind of stresses me out to be seeking tradpub, because though it would have invaluable benefits to me, I'll almost certainly lose some control over these things if an adaptation ever happens.

I think the main thing is the characterization of the two central characters and their relationship to each other, especially certain aspects of Gabriel's character, which play directly into the setup for the outcome of the story (so without them, the overall story makes less sense). I do worry that adaptations would try to "tone down" Jeff's character in particular (which I get, I also did this for a long time) to make him more palatable or try to excessively "humanize" him (whatever that means). I fear adaptations making him into a "tragic backstory" antagonist for this reason, which would defeat the purpose, as he is intended as a subversion of that trope. I also really worry about adaptations glorifying or romanticizing their relationship. I understand there is a place for "edgy" portrayals of dark relationships - this is not meant to be one of them. My intention is to show this as the toxic, abusive relationship that it is - ugly, no frills, no beating around the bush.

One of the things I explore a lot in Life in Black and White, which is important to me personally, is characters having "atypical" responses to trauma. For example, Gabriel, who lost his mother (not a spoiler, she dies before the beginning of the narrative and it's just a part of his backstory), almost never talks about her and seems to be mostly unaffected by her passing (keyword here is seems to be), even at the beginning of the story, when the loss is fairly recent. I feel like this is going to read to some readers as being "unrealistic," but here's the thing: Gabriel's response to his mother's passing is directly based on my own response to my father's passing. I'd be worried about adaptations trying to change things like this to make them more "relatable" or palatable to the average audience, because it's important to me to show that there is no "correct" or "good" response to trauma, and that some people will have reactions that others will not necessarily understand. Also, in some cases, characters being portrayed as having a more "typical" response to a traumatic event would be highly out of character for them and/or not realistic for their character.

[l-in-the-light]

I usually don't take part in discussions like this, but damn, I'm old, I have been in a fandom since I bought my very first manga&anime magazines all the way back in elementary school in the 90s. You know how old I was when I first found out about BL? Somewhere between 12 or 13 years old. That's also when I read my very first BL comics (it was Zetsuai and Tokyo Babylon, if you're curious). Zetsuai was not meant for kids my age, obviously. It portrayed some smutty scenes and some really abusive stuff as well. And yet I enjoyed reading it a lot, just like any other comics back then. The very first BL fic I ever wrote was when I was 13 or 14. In my native language there was only one or two online sites available back then (it was the 90s okay), on which we could share BL fanfiction. No one cared how old you were and no one even asked you before you could publish or read anything.

And you know what's the funniest thing about that? I don't believe I grew up to be a degenerate and I don't think it exposed me to abuse just because I was a minor reading explicit stuff and portrayals of unhealthy relationships. On the contrary, thanks to reading all that stuff I actually gained a better understanding of what an abusive and exploiting relationship even was in the first place. That's because many fanfic writers do their job extremely well, the psychology of the characters is so rich, the way the story and emotions are written is so captivating that it stays in your head, makes you ask questions you normally wouldn't ask, allows you to revisit your own fantasies and confront them with what you read, without even having to experience the bad stuff yourself. I'm not saying every piece of fanfiction does that, but many, many do.

And you all know what's the most ironic? That wasn't the first time I run across an explicit abusive sexual relationship in fiction. That one's on some finnish harlequin sagas, easily available back then in bookstores and libraries. And it romanticized abuse in much worse ways than any fanfiction ever could, because of the way it portrayed it as something normal, natural, presenting it as a typical woman experience. If anything, I wished my first encounter with explicit fiction wasn't that, but fanfiction instead. It's much more sensible, less culturally involved (thanks to which it doesn't mess with your head in the same way), and is infinitely more fun to read and explore. And so creative!

If you really care about kids and young teens reading stuff that isn't meant for them, you should take care first of fiction that is readily available outside the internet. That fiction is actually very harmful in the way it depicts sex and women, and sells it as something "normal". Little girls reading those books expect their first sexual encounters to hurt, they expect to bleed, they expect that only their male partner's pleasure matters, they learn that once they start doing sexual stuff they can't stop, because that's how sex is consistently depicted there. A lie said enough number of times finally starts to sound like The One And Only Truth.

People opening AO3 or any other fanfiction sites, no matter if they're minors or not, do not approach it with a set of mind of "I will learn about actual sex and relationships from this", but they do with books that portray romance and sex. And if I was to blame anything for that, it would be school education. In my country school celebrates literature to the point we do analysis on how the story portrays reality and history, but never on what it portrays unrealistically. As the result kids (and also later on many adults those kids grew up into!) expect books to be more realistic thanks to that. They're not used to creative fiction depicting fake worlds, unrealistic events and fantasies. Why? Because school doesn't teach them that books that are just entertaining are also meaningful and valuable.

But back to fanfiction sites. When minors venture there they know what they're searching for and it's for the forbidden fruit, entertainment and the thrill. A safe thrill that doesn't actually put them into sexual situations by themselves without having any idea what's happening. Also where are minors supposed to learn stuff like that from? Sex ed at schools? We never had one back in my days and it's still widely unavailable in my country. Sites like Scarleteeen? Not even available in my own native language. Fanfiction though? It's readily available and though it's job isn't to educate, it actually allows people to explore sex-related stuff in a safe way, without having to do the deed themselves to find out.

But sure, just ban minors from access to anything regarding sex and see if the world becomes a better place when they won't have any idea about any of this before they hit the magical age of 18. I'm sure this will limit abusive experiences in their lives, I'm sure those minors won't do something stupid with someone much older than them just because they have the answers. Limit their freedom more, hide the forbidden fruits even better, and leave them only with Scarleteen that is available only in english. See what happens. And then take the blame, because that's also part of taking reponsibility when you make choices for someone else :)

Yes yes, morality is important, shame on me for pushing my own illegal experience like I'm a good rolemodel. I'm definitely not. But I'm sure of one thing: minors always will be curious and they will pursue the topic of sex till they get the satisfying answers they're searching for. I know, because I still remember how it was to be that minor. All my (also minor) friends back then were exactly the same. And I bet minors are still this way even today. They will seek to satisfy their curiousity through any means they can, which will be usually online. They will watch porn, they will write their own explicit fanfiction, they will read those fucking harlequins. You can't stop them. What you can do instead is to make sure they have alternative, safe ways of getting their answers. Fanfiction out of all the other options is really the safest, lesser evil type of stuff. Please, if you want to fight the evil, start from the True Bad Guys. Anyone seeking fanfiction isn't so naive to not know it will be full of bullshit, because fanfiction holds no authority: it's literally some random people's sexual fantasies shared with the world, often written with more passion than actual skill; unlike books and porn which bring the illussion of realism with them. That's your bad guys.

Also, just to be spiteful clear: I do not regret reading and writing explict fanfiction when I was a minor and even if I could turn back time, I would still do exactly the same. I do regret reading the finnish harlequins though and I wish I never did. In Phoenix Wright fashion I will finish this post with: TAKE THAT!

How about this: no *explicit* material involving minors under 15 on AO3. That seems reasonable. If you admit that teens get around age restrictions AND that abusers can groom with them, then something has to change. That involves placing a fair chunk of stories under more stringent lockdown. Yeah AO3 can't go, and you fandom vets are always harping on about how censorship sank previous spaces, but goddamn is there no way to protect the the more vulnerable fans without raising your hackles?

1. How do you define explicit? Does this mean no depictions of child abuse, even for the purpose of telling a story about how wrong it is and showing a victim’s recovery? Can younger teens have realistic sexual encounters in stories so long as nothing is shown on page, or is it wrong to imply explicit goings-on even if they’re not depicted? Where, exactly, do we draw the line between heavy petting and sex? Can a character have a wet dream or masturbate? Can a character think about sex in detail, even if they’re not depicted having it? I’m not trying to be difficult: I’m just trying to make it clear that what you’re proposing, even when you phrase it simply, is inherently difficult to implement. Stories would have to be vetted and actively moderated, a massive undertaking that AO3 isn’t equipped to manage, and any such process would still ultimately hinge on individual judgement, which means you’d still have people dissatisfied with the outcome.  

2. Teenagers who choose to ignore age-ratings and warnings for the material they consume are responsible for their own experience beyond that point: it is not the job of authors or the website to say, “Okay, we know this content is explicitly meant for adults, but let’s make it less adulty just in case a teenager gets in here.” You can’t protect people from their own bad judgement and its consequences without making their lack of responsibility someone else’s responsibility, which is decidedly unfair. 

3. Abusers groom victims with a wide range of material and arguments, and have done so long before the existence of AO3. Whenever this happens, we blame the abuser, not whatever story they used to justify themselves. This is also why, when murderers or other criminals take their inspiration from crime fiction novels or psychologically darker works, as has happened on multiple occasions, we blame the criminals, not their taste in fiction. Locking down on what can be written about child abuse won’t get rid of paedophiles, but it will make things more difficult for victims who use fanfic as catharsis.

Here’s the thing: tagging works on AO3 is how we protect vulnerable fans, by giving them tools to navigate away from distressing themes or content. Taking something away from one person so its mere existence doesn’t upset someone who was never going to read it anyway isn’t a protective act, but a judgemental and dismissive one. To use an analogy, there are plenty of people in the world with deathly nut allergies, but that doesn’t mean we ban an entire food group: it means we label things that have nuts in them, even trace amounts, so that nobody gets hurt. Do accidents still happen? Yes! Are some people assholes about food allergies and dietary restrictions? Yes! But does that mean the solution is to ban nuts entirely? No! And it’s the same with fanfic.    

[motumbtumb]

Peer Pressure and Digital Citizenship: An Unmissable Connection

In the digital age, peer pressure has become an increasingly prevalent issue, especially among the youth community. As social media becomes an indispensable part of daily life, understanding the relationship between peer pressure and digital citizenship is crucial. This article will explore how peer pressure affects the online behavior of young people and the solutions for building a positive online community.

Peer Pressure in the Digital World

Peer pressure occurs not only in real-life environments but also spreads across social media platforms. Children and teenagers often feel pressured to present themselves according to certain standards to gain acceptance. According to a study by the Pew Research Center (2021), about 70% of teenagers feel the pressure to post perfect images or participate in online trends to attract attention from their peers. This not only affects mental health but can also lead to poor decision-making.

A prime example today is the social media platform Threads, where users are referred to as “Threads City residents.” The content on this platform mainly revolves around showcasing, from appearances to achievements and even wealth. Many users exaggerate or fabricate what they possess, creating an unrealistic portrayal of life. This pressure is not limited to Threads but is widespread across many other platforms, where people typically share the best aspects of themselves. This leads to feelings of comparison and inadequacy among those who do not meet these standards, clearly creating peer pressure.

(Threads City)

Potential Dangers

Mental Health: Peer pressure can lead to serious mental health issues. When teenagers feel the need to conform to group standards, they may experience anxiety and depression. The American Psychological Association indicates that young people who frequently face this pressure are at a higher risk of developing psychological disorders. Worrying about not being accepted or being criticized can create a negative cycle, increasing feelings of loneliness and low self-esteem.

Risky Behavior: One of the greatest dangers of peer pressure is its potential to lead to risky behaviors. Many teenagers feel pressured to experiment with substances like drugs and alcohol to be accepted by their peer groups. According to the National Institute on Drug Abuse, research shows that when friends use drugs, the likelihood of teenagers engaging in such behaviors increases significantly.

Reduced Decision-Making Ability: The influence of peer pressure can diminish the decision-making capabilities of young people. When faced with peer pressure, many teenagers tend to abandon their personal values and choose inappropriate behaviors to gain acceptance. Research from the Journal of Adolescent Health indicates that young people who frequently experience peer pressure are more likely to make poor decisions.

Solutions to Cope with Peer Pressure

To help young people cope with peer pressure, educating them about digital citizenship is essential. Schools should actively incorporate knowledge about privacy rights, online safety, and responsible behavior on the internet into their curricula. Additionally, parents and teachers need to create a supportive environment where children feel confident expressing themselves without adhering to unrealistic standards.

Furthermore, social media platforms should promote campaigns to raise awareness about peer pressure and encourage positive behaviors. Creating online support groups can help children seek empathy and find effective ways to cope with peer pressure, thereby building a positive and healthy online community.

Conclusion

The relationship between peer pressure and digital citizenship cannot be overlooked in today’s digital age. Understanding the negative impacts of peer pressure and seeking effective solutions will help young people develop healthily in a challenging environment.

References list

Pew Research Center. (2021). Teenagers and social media: A study on peer pressure and online behavior.

American Psychological Association. The impact of peer pressure on mental health in adolescents.

Journal of Adolescent Health. Decision-making and peer pressure: A study on youth behavior.

Verywell Mind. (n.d.). What is peer pressure? Retrieved October 13, 2024, from https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-peer-pressure-22246

[wainswright]

oh no the actual harm asserted is it romanticizes a dynamic in which an innocent waif gets wooed perfectly in a (perfectly) demanding power imbalance relationship, is pursued alluringly, and then somehow it all works out interpersonally without a warning this may not work out quite the same irl. (also supports sexism in the idealized and aspirational air implied through the writing. a misleading and therefore harmful portrayal utilizing wish fulfillment to manipulate a naive audience into pursuing abusive relationships.)

reminds me of this post i read where a guy says he didn’t socialize much and thought talking to people was depicted realistically in comedy shows, so he played “straight man” to friendly strangers, who were put out when he rolled his eyes dismissively to everything they said and thought this came across as unfriendly, and not like an expected archetypal dynamic embodied as truth in reality tv.

I suppose this is a risk of media. but i don’t think its the job of every random independent creator to worry about this. 1) its unrealistic and has been tried to bad effect and 2) ya just gotta. tell people irl the realistic risks of… these situations.

[clarke23]

Blog Post #1

Upon its release in 2017, Jordan Peele's Get Out was immediately hailed as a groundbreaking horror film that delved deeply into the subtleties of racial tensions in modern America. My initial viewing of the film was enjoyable but limited in its depth of understanding the meanings behind certain events in the movie. However, after delving into the topics explored in our recent classes, my rewatch of Get Out transformed from a purely a cinematic experience to an insightful commentary on race relations.

To begin, the theme of racial fetishization was starkly evident in Get Out. The Armitage family desired Black bodies for their perceived “genetic benefits” and “trendy” attributes. This grotesque fetishization isn't confined to the movie's fictional universe. In the real world, Black individuals often navigate spaces where they're reduced to mere stereotypes, expected to conform to certain behaviors, or admired solely for superficial or generalized physical and personality traits. This form of stereotyping can lead to unrealistic expectations and can perpetuate harmful notions about racial identity.

Moreover, Get Out delves deeper into the objectification of Black bodies. The Armitage family's insidious plan to transplant the brains of their elderly white relatives into the bodies of young Black individuals was a haunting metaphor for the commodification of Blackness. Black individuals aren't seen as humans with dreams, desires, and agency, but as mere vessels, tools to be exploited for the benefit of white people. This portrayal is a grim reminder of the historical and contemporary ways Black bodies have been used, abused, and discarded.

Perhaps one of the most significant moments in the film to me is its commentary on white women's unique position within the structure of white supremacy. Rose Armitage's character brilliantly showcases this dual privilege. On the one hand, she benefits from white privilege and white supremacy while simultaneously using her femininity as a weapon, especially against Black individuals. The climactic scene near the end of the film where Rose attempts to manipulate a potentially fatal situation to her advantage by painting Chris as the aggressor to the police captures the sinister relationship between white supremacy and femininity. Her calculated response, banking on systemic racial prejudices police have had against the Black community, underscores the many layers of privilege she uses to her advantage.

In conclusion, Get Out is more than just a horror film; it is a critical examination of the intricate racial dynamics at play in contemporary society. By drawing from class discussions and readings, it's evident how the film brilliantly dissects issues like racial fetishization, objectification, and the complicit role of white women in perpetuating racial stereotypes. I look forward to viewing other Black horror films in this class!