#unnecessaryevilsshow

[hatecraftslab]

What if you were a horse?

Are you satisfied?

[hatecraftslab]

opinion on giant lasers?

One click of this little button and a laser I've got hooked up by satellite blows up the entirety of Asia. Go ahead and Google the largest continent in the world, by the way. That BIG enough for you?

[hatecraftslab]

GREETINGS!

Dr. Silas von Hatecraft here - mad scientist to some, insane, rambling madman to others...evil genius in truth. I'm not sure what this whole 'Internet' thing is all about, so... be nice, or I'll come up with some way to vaporize your computer. I've got the tools to do so, so don't be a dummkopf and call my bluff. Apparently, they're making this show. 'Unnecessary Evils.' Who's they? I have no idea, but apparently, it seems to be some kind of documentary about my life and how I became the first man (in this part of the country) to CREATE LIFE! Sounds good to me! I'll be at the premiere, why not! Oh, and...since this is an Internet bloggy-posty-thing...Here's a 'selfie.' You Americans and your strange terms.

[hatecraftslab]

um hi mr hatecraft.. is that a family name..?

Yes, yes, hello and everything. Is it a family name? You'll never know. Sorry! If you'd like to pester me with anything else, Anonymoose, be my guest.

[hatecraftslab]

The politicians don't like me.

Hello! Me again! Me as in Silas. Silas as in Dr. Silas von Hatecraft. Evil genius - you get the point. I heard today that the Ministerpräsident's throat wasn't doing good. "Lost his voice" or some scheiße like that. I, being the generous, kind man that I am, offered a solution! I would perform a transplant free of charge! Of course, the only vocal cords I have to spare are that of a monkey and the pharynx of a walrus. They didn't like that idea, for some reason. I have no idea why. I can be trusted! Instead, they're having me run an advertisement for the help of other people. I feel heartbroken. Betrayed, even. They enlist help of random people, but reject me immediately?! I'll show them. I'll show them all. Don't tell me if you're the one who assists the man, or I swear, I'll gut you like a catfish. Or is it fish-cat?

[hatecraftslab]

MY FAN MAILBOX IS OPEN!

Hello again! Your favorite COMPLETELY SANE evil scientist here! (I hope. If I'm not your favorite, join the club.) I thought it would be just lovely to see what my adoring fan-base has to say to me. So - FAN MAILBOX! Pester me with useless questions! Ask me what German words mean (And I'll give you the wrong answer!) Suggest an evil invention that isn't patented! Just don't rat me out.

[hatecraftslab]

They always say 'trans rights are human rights', 'gay rights are human rights', etcetera, etcetera. That's all well and good, go ahead and have your rights, I myself reserve the right to hate everyone equally. But are they monster rights? I have two of them living rent-free in my castle and I need to know there won't be an angry mob if all of a sudden I have to build one of them a husband.

[hatecraftslab]

Stupid Minister Loses His Voice During Anti-Me Speech

Look at this peon. This fool. A man who thinks he could shut me down in front of the people, and for what? Trying to create life and initiate a master-plan to take over the village, and then inevitably the world? (That's, like..a misdemeanor. That Frankenstein guy did it in all the movies, and he's famous, isn't he?) Well, a few well-placed distractions and he's unable to get a word in! (DON'T TRY TO SWAP HIS VOCAL CORDS FOR YOURS HERE WITHIN THE NEXT TWO DAYS: https://cstng.cc/projects/unnecessary-evils-character-recasting)

[hatecraftslab]

When you get to conquer the world, how would you rule?

Uh. Um. Oh. I didn't think this through. Oh, mein gott. What actually comes next? Is this what a mid-life crisis feels like?