#unless she got them custom made; which; again; fucking insane

[ctrl-lupin]

…LupCon the Third

[mischiefmanifold]

some things that have happened at work that I can remember because I need somewhere to put these and also I need to share them because what the fuck (under the cut bc this got long)

20 cheeseburger order at 11:30pm (after 10pm we typically have less than 6 employees in store, and usually get hit with huge rushes)

man says the order he placed and paid for wasn't his, then comes back 10 mins later and complains that the food he got wasn't right (because it wasn't what he ordered. he insisted he had a different order which led to me re-ringing in the order he took for the person who actually ordered it)

the lobby door lock broke (again) (essentially too many people yanked on the handle full-force which broke the latch) (one of the people who do this is another manager btw)

hammered homeless guy comes in and sits in lobby 4 hours after it closed and gets mad when we tell him he has to leave

people walking through the drive thru mid-rush to ask for water (huge pain in my ass bc if they get hurt I'm liable and people drive so fucking fast in our drive thru)

customer's car broke down outside the window which caused a 30-minute holdup while cars kept coming and the customer tried to start their car again

people placing orders just to drive away (this happens all the time it just seems like this past week has been really bad with that)

I dropped three clean tills on the floor and had to spend an hour after my shift cleaning up the mess and fixing the tills

4th of July we had cars wrapping around the building for six hours straight. it didn't die down until about 3am and by that point we couldn't get any of the cleaning and breakfast prep done

guy who we pulled to a parking spot came into lobby, complained about how he didn't see anyone actively making his mcflurry (spoons were being washed), then demanded a refund ONLY for the mcflurry, took the rest of his food that had just come up, and left

guy was seen walking around the building yelling and waving his arms for three hours after midnight (12-3am) with an only fem-presenting staff. police were called and they got him to leave, only for him to show up the next morning after the lobby had opened again to do the same thing

someone ordered something like 50 mcdoubles and then their order was messed up so they scheduled a pickup for when I was working, then didn't show up. we wasted so many sandwiches it was fucking insane

this lady who comes in between 2-4pm and always orders a hyper-specific iced coffee (iced caramel coffee with 9 cream and extra caramel, with at least 4 creamer cups on the side). she's really nice though

people who come during rushes and ask for fresh cookies (we usually throw a bag in the microwave, unless we're feeling generous or multiple orders need cookies. if you really want fresh cookies order the tote, they're always made fresh)

[texanredrose]

Okay, to put some limitations on this, I’m only including the WIPs that I’ve done more than a synopsis for... that I can remember... that���s on Google Drive... that I actually think I might post one day... but haven’t posted yet because my posted WIPs are fairly easy to identify... okay... I got tagged by @unsteadyshade and I’m tagging @faunusrights and @alexlayer69

1) Across Time - Inuyasha AU where Weiss gets thrown back in time to the ancient past, where she meets two demons (Yang and Blake) warring against each other over a misunderstanding.

2) Alpha’s Devotion - Omega’s Strength, but from Winter’s POV.

3) Bears, Oh My - An exhausted Winter, lost on a hike, comes across a cabin where Yang lives with her three pet bears.

4) Brave New World - Continuation of the Dishonored AU where Ruby and Winter reflect on the new Mantle.

5) Bruised - Third installment to the ace!Yang AU. 

6) Coming Home - Based on Dash’s Tiny Knight AU, Princess Blake is betrayed and stranded far from home and must rely on a reticent knight named Weiss to return to her kingdom.

7) Complications Always Arise - Papa Schnee is demanding Weiss marry before he’ll allow her to take his place as head of the SDC, so Yang volunteers to pretend to be Weiss’ beloved. No one else knows the relationship is fake, least of all Blake and Winter, and it’s just a bunch of pain.

8) Divided - Continuation of the By Moonlight AU where Whitley returns to the castle and Winter’s not upset by that- and Winter’s upset by the fact she’s not upset and has to figure out why her inner wolf is cool with this when she should, by all rights, be furious.

9) Dragonsbane - Mage Knight Winter hears tale of a dragon in the countryside that the local villages wish to see vanquished. Winter, however, has other plans.

10) Eye of the Beholder - Blinded and near death after a battle, Winter is rescued by the mysterious Yang and is nursed back to health despite her protests otherwise. (It’s a Medusa!AU.)

11) Fabled - Fable 3 AU where Princess Ruby and Princess Yang are forced to confront the fact that Queen Raven has lost her fucking mind, only to discover that fear drove the woman insane- a fear they must confront themselves.

12) Fields of Love - Farmer Yang offers a job and housing to apparent single mother Winter and her young daughter Penny. What starts as a kind gesture grows into something so much more.

13) Full Circle - Van Helsing (2004) AU, Winter and Weiss, amnesiacs employed by the church to handle all manner of unholy problems, are sent to discover what happened to King Taiyang. Along the way, they become wrapped up in a centuries spanning prophecy and a bloodline hanging in the balance.

14) High Bar, Low Blow - Yang owns a bar where the gimmick is that everyone’s an out of work actor and the staff is staging an ongoing drama on par with a soap opera to keep their customers coming back. Winter joins the staff and then things get a bit real.

15) Hoodlums and Hijinks - Robin Hood AU where Princess Winter and Princess Weiss are just as in favor for overthrowing the king as the group of bandits run by Ruby, Yang, and Blake. 

16) Last One 2: Electric Boogaloo (title subject to change) - a sequel to Last One where the haunt continues.

17) Lexical Access - Sequel to Tip of the Tongue, where Yang gives her girlfriend a bit of roleplaying payback.

18) Little Red - Carmen Sandiego AU where Ruby was kidnapped adopted by a group of thieves and raised to become the world’s greatest thief, but a chance meeting with Penny via a stolen phone opens her eyes to the wider world, and she meets the rebellious heiress Weiss, street smart Blake, and brawler Yang, creating a team that works to foil Ruby’s former friends while eluding capture by mysterious operatives with a somewhat familiar white color scheme...

19) Long Term Investment - Yang, a fae who lives in the woods, makes a deal with Princess Winter to save the Queen. The price? Winter’s firstborn. Winter misunderstands how she’s expected to get pregnant and Yang’s never actually intended to collect. Next thing Yang knows, Winter’s moving into the clearing beside her tree home.

20) Miscalculation - Another Omegaverse AU where Weiss is an omega and Blake and Yang are alphas, except Weiss lied and said she was an alpha when enrolling in Beacon and now she’s locked in a room with Blake and Yang on the verge of starting her heat. Sharing is caring.

21) More Than Words Can Say - Winter, rendered mute by a military accident early in her career, is honestly the best girlfriend Yang’s ever had. However, tonight’s the night they’ve decided to get intimate, and that includes showing some scars that they don’t show often. It’s less about sex and more about trust and intimacy.

22) Music of the Night - Phantom of the Opera AU where the mysterious, disfigured shade of the opera house, Weiss, finds herself at odds with the rich, jovial Yang in a competition for Blake’s heart. Then there’s Adam being a dick, too, and the opera house has never seen so much drama.

23) My Heart Will Go On - It’s the Titanic, but double the rich, unwilling-to-marry ladies and triple the won-a-ticket-to-a-ship ruffians. Penny’s there too; she, like Ruby, just really likes ships.

24) One Fucking Favor - Winter’s due for a long assignment and wants to make a sex tape for stress relief purposes. Yang doesn’t ask questions; she’s just the one with the camera. But then, Winter’s partner for the vid doesn’t show up. What’s Yang going to do about it?

25) Prophecy - Star Wars AU where Ruby, Yang, and Blake are trained as Jedi, Winter and Weiss are part of the clone army, and Ruby’s the chosen one. That’s a lot of pressure to put on someone, but Senator Salem is there to lend a helping hand...

26) Propositioned - Faunus experience bouts of heat; sometimes, they can safely ignore it and go about their lives, but every now and again, they really can’t. Concerned for Blake’s health as she’s skipped too many heats to be healthy, Yang sets up a partner for Blake’s heat. Blake’s not a fan but she does like the idea of banging Weiss Schnee.

27) Proven - ARK: Survival Evolved AU where Winter, after being ‘won’ by Yang, is taken into the bowels of the earth to learn how the underground tribes who inhabit the area survive in such an unforgiving environment. As she acclimates to the tribe’s ways, she finds herself carving out her own path, culminating in facing off against the Queen and proving herself worthy.

28) Reaping What You Sow - When Winter escaped to the countryside with Penny to start a farm, she knew she had her work cut out for her. In need of help and facing a harsh cold season, she hires Yang, a one armed drifter, to help her. The two end up needing the other more than they could’ve imagined.

29) Tear My Heart Open - Blake thought she understood how the world worked. As a member of the White Fang Gang, all she needed to do was keep everyone motivated to continue their ongoing street war against the police and authorities bent on keeping them down. But while running from the cops, she’s offered sanctuary in the home of one Weiss Schnee and her girlfriend, Yang. From there, her perception of the world is completely upended.

30) The Duel - After her father offered her hand in marriage to the winner of a tournament, Winter opted to assume a disguise and fight for the prize herself. In the final match, she faces Yang Xiao Long, a competitor she’s come to know quite well, and she finds her conviction to win wavering slightly. Is it enough to lose her the fight?

31) The Lies We Tell Ourselves - Weiss has made it; she’s opened her tattoo shop in Vale, well away from her father, and aside from a bad first impression with the florists across the parking lot, everything’s looking up for her- until her father finds her. Luckily, Blake’s been through some shit and doesn’t mind helping Weiss drive daddy dearest up the wall, even if it means letting her own parents think she’s dating Weiss. It’s not like either of them is going to catch feelings... unless...

32) The Princess�� Bride - After losing her fiancée to the dreaded White Fang Pirates, Yang vows to take to the sea herself and exact her revenge. Princess Weiss finds herself falling madly in love with Yang, who still loves Blake, and all this is thrown into even more chaos when Yang gets kidnapped and Blake comes back from the dead! 

33) Two for One - Yes, another Omegaverse AU. Five years after the fall of Beacon, Yang and Blake cross paths, each believing the other has spent the time keeping their mutual mate, Weiss, safe. When they realize Weiss is with neither of them, old wounds are torn open, but before they can resolve their dispute, Winter captures the both of them and hauls them to a remote part of Atlas where an SDC facility has been turned into a fortress. There, they find a mortally wounded Weiss clinging to life and raising twins daughters; she gives her mates until her death to endear themselves to their children, else the twins might opt to stay with Winter and be kept from Blake and Yang for good. Between learning about their kids, Blake and Yang navigate their complicated feelings and try to reconnect with Weiss, all while a sinister force gathers to destroy the fortress and steal the prize within.

34) Weaknesses - Loosely set in the Glamour AU, Yang is being forced to assume her mother’s position as leader of their vampire coven. Her fellow vamps disapprove of Yang’s werewolf girlfriend. Winter, of course, doesn’t care.

I got lazy and cut a bunch out. No, fuck you, I don’t have too many AUs, I will add more if I want. Also, some of these, the first chapter is posted on my Patreon. Don’t ask me which ones; I genuinely have no idea. I’m bad at this, y’all.

[angelkurenai]

Happily ever after - Jensen Ackles x Reader

Title: Happily ever after

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader

Warnings: None

Prompt: Can you write a Jensen x Reader where the reader is like 24 and a shy, aspiring author who owns a bookstore. Jensen goes in one day and sees her and talks to her but she’s really awkward and quiet. He’s nervous to ask her out and comes back virtually every day to talk to her and then finally gets the courage to ask her out? Thanks!

You had been staring and rereading the same line for what felt like an eternity now. But despite how interesting the book was, your mind simply refused to focus on it and just like a clockwork, you'd glance every one minute at the clock on the wall. Chewing on your lower lip, nervous and disappointed to see that time just refused to pass by. You shook your head and let out a frustrated sigh. Wether you were frustrated with time for not going by faster or yourself for being unable to stop thinking so much about it, or maybe him, you didn't know. You just wished you could stop.

Just like you could wish you'd stop jumping and looking at the door every time the bell rang. Because you only got disappointed to see it was another customer, which shouldn't really be the normal reaction for any bookstore owner that wanted and needed to make money but it happened inevitably; your heart dropped and a small sad sigh left your lips. The things that man did to you.

You gave a small smile to the newest customer, adding a “If you need any help don't hesitate to ask me.” and when you got a nod from the girl, you went back to fidgeting with the page of your book.

You could stop looking at either the clock or the door, hoping he'd walk in any minute now the way he'd done all that time ago and put your wildly-beating heart to rest, or at least calm a bit.

-Flashback-

“Uhm hello?” you heard a gruff voice only a couple seconds right after the small bell on the door rang, indicating a new customer was in “Is anybody here?”

“Be right there with you in a sec!” you said as loud and clear as you possibly could, trying to pile up all the books you needed to carry but only managing to take hold of half of them. Yet somehow you managed to hide yourself behind the pile. Your steps were careful and slow, making sure no books fell over as you brought them all to the front desk.

“Are you sure you don't want any help with that?” you heard the voice say in sympathy, the fact that sounded so familiar totally going over your head because of how focused you were to balance everything. The only glimpse you got was of a tall and broad figure but again didn't give it a second thought.

“Nope, I'm for most part fine. Almost. But you're the customer so- whoa!” you stopped for a second when the books swinged in your hands “Kind of the policy here, it's my job to help you. But, you know, maybe if you were Dean Winchester I really think I'd use that extra hand.”

An undeniably beautiful chuckle left his lips and was soon followed by the words “Not exactly, but I'm probably the closest you'll get to that.”

And this time it did register in your mind, which you regretted because it made your balance slip away in a matter of second. Your curiosity and hopes got the best of you and you dared look past your books to meet the ever-so-striking green eyes of the man you'd just thought about. And it happened just like that, in mere seconds, that the books were falling right off your hands.

“Shit” you winced when one or two, or more, books hit your leg.

“Oh fuck I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for this to happen!” he, being ever the wonderful guy, hurried to help you pick up all the scattered books.

“N-no, please, no. This- it's my fault and this is my job, there is no need for you to-” you sad in one breath, hurrying to gather everything and hopefully embarrass yourself less.

“Are you kidding me? This is my fault, please just let me help you.” he still insisted, and didn't even wait for another 'no' as he started picking up books as well.

“I'm such a clums sometimes, y-you don't have to.” you mumbled, growing more embarrassed with each second passing by.

“Well, I certainly didn't make things easier, did I? In fact I-” he started but the moment he looked up it was as if the entire world stopped spinning.

Almost as if time froze. And definitely everything around him except for you became blurry. He had heard the phrase so many times, all of them actually, sometimes from his own father at least when he was mostly younger but could never believe them. He thought about how he heard it over and over again when watching a movie, mostly his mother's favorite ones, while growing up. If only she saw the scene play out in front of her, she'd say it was meant to be but he couldn't let himself believe it. He had never truly believed in something like this, despite how much he'd always wanted as he remembered. And he certainly remembered reading about it over and over again, every time the author would use their own unique words put perfectly together in different sentences that got his attention but never to the point where he could feel it. Not the way he felt it when he looked back at you.

It was one of the cheesiest things he could ever experience, one of the most surreal ones and one he always believed was simply not real. A moment he wouldn't experience, even with the woman that he would end up marrying – if he ended up finding her that is. And apparently he just had, and the thought scared and excited him at the same time.

“A-are- are you alright?” you stuttered softly, eyes big and beautiful as you stared up at him, pausing for a second from gathering all the books.

But no response.

“Mr Ackles? Mr Ackles are you alright? Did any of the books hit you o-or something?” you quickly resumed to gathering a few more “If so, I'm terribly sorry.”

“I'm- I-” he blinked rapidly, shaking his head when he realized he was probably acting like an idiot. Long gone was the confidence he usually carried around after years of being an actor. He really thought after so much time, he had things under control and looked like a man who really knew how to carry himself not that he really needed to. But apparently when did need it the most, it all came crumbling down and he was feeling no older than 16 again with two shaky hands and dry mouth that refused to form any words.

“N-no.” he admitted shakily, forcing his eyes to focus on the books he was gathering and then maybe he'd remember how to breathe again “I am sorry. That- that was probably a terrible... joke. I suppose. I just-” he cleared his throat, freezing for a moment when he realized you had both gathered all your books and he'd have to look up again and see you. He didn't know what was more scary: his excitement at the prospect and his eagerness or his fear that he'd screw up. “I just wanted to make things a little more uhm comfortable. I realized that I probably didn't though. It just...” and there you knocked his breath away when your eyes met.

“I-” he blinked “I always get a bit too excited when I meet a fan. Unless you're... probably not one and only have watched like an episode or two. Which would now make this even more awkward because I guess it's a bit stupid to instantly think-”

“Mr Ackles!” you nearly yelped and he immediately pressed his lips together. Realization dawned on him that he was indeed rambling and because of that, he felt heat rise up his neck to his cheeks and ears. “There's nothing wrong with assuming I am a fan. I've actually been one for very long a-and I'm kind of... sort of... maybe... totally freaking out on the inside right now. Mr Ackles.” gosh, your soft giggle had to be the most beautiful sound he'd heard in his entire life. Alright, that was it. Great. He was a gonner.

It was like breathing. He tried to stop it but it was only for so ling he could resist it. The geedy feeling in his chest turning into that of excitement and pure happiness when you confirmed you were indeed a fan. He never thought that he'd wish for it but even more he wished deep down that you were one of those fans that did feel a different kind of way than-

He cleared his throat but in reality wanted to shake off the new kind of hope he had never felt before in his life “Please, Mr Ackles is my father. I'm just... Jensen. I'm not that old... hopefully?”

“No, of course not Mr- Jensen. You're not old at all Jensen, and I am not that young myself.” you gave him an insanely adorable smile that was adorned by the soft red of your cheeks. You cleared your throat softly “Anyway, how could I help you? I'm assuming you're looking for a book. Supernatural maybe? I've certainly got those! No wonder you'll be able to relate with one of the characters, although at some point it might get, well, predictable.”

Sadly a moment of silence followed after your small joked which made your smile fall. Granted, he was too caught admiring the way you spoke so softly that your voice calmed him down and your presence seemed to give him a new kind of sense he had never felt before, that he didn't hear a word you said.

You winced “Terrible one, wasn't it? I- I'm sorry.” you looked down, shaking your head “I should just focus on my job. Uh what- what were you look-”

“What's your name?” his lips formed the words even before his brain could comprehend it. It was his turn to wince this time “Sorry uh that came out a bit weird. I uh just- you know my name a-and I really wanted to-”

“(Y/n). (Y/n) (Y/l/n).” you said softly, a smile barely visible on your lips but he certainly caught it “And it's ok, I- I suppose I'm acting a little weird because I honestly didn't expect that. I'm 24 and acting like I'm 16 again and it's totally unprofessional, I know.”

“Feeling's mutual.” he wished so bad he could say out loud but oh it would make things even more awkward and he didn't want it. So instead he said “No, I'd say quiet the opposite. I'm just not making it easy for you, I'm sorry for that.” he paused, rubbing the back of his neck “So you probably need help with those books?” he asked again when he realized you were struggling to put one on the top shelf.

“No, please, I've got it under control.” and you did “Besides, it's fine, you're the customer you don't have to apologize for anything.” you shrugged slightly, focusing more on putting every book in its rightful place mostly to avoid meeting his eyes “So, how can I help you?” there was something different in your voice and he realized it was your effort to avoid being any more awkward - not that he was feeling any more confident himself but at least he did do a good job at pretending to be.

Uhm well, I'm looking for a gift and the person it's meant for really likes Stephen King's writing, so I figured that a book or two for her birthday would be nice.” he saw you give a small nod, moving away from the front desk towards another place of the bookstore “She has read almost every book so I have only a few options left and every bookstore I've been to didn't have any of it. Hard to come by I suppose.”

“Stephen King, that's a great choice right there! Sometimes I swear there is nothing else I would want to read other than his books.” you said softly “Even more often, I swear there isn't a bigger inspiration than his writing. And as it seems... this is your lucky day, Jensen.”

he couldn't help want to focus only on you at the moment. You and the smile that was on your lips but you didn't really seem to notice. You seemed like the person that it would be hard for him to get a word out of you, quiet and reserved; but perhaps – and hopefully – for everything else but books. If it wasn't such a heartwarming sight that made him never want to pull his eyes away from you then he would have noticed the small chair on his way and not run straight into it, which of course he didn't until he had almost knocked it down. He was thankfully fast to catch it before it could draw your attention and he was sure he wasn't going to survive the embarrassment of that too.

“Trust me, I have a great feeling it is.” he almost whispered, or maybe he did, but he was fast to clear his throat and say even louder “I'm taking it you have Stephen King books?”

“I have all the Stephen King books.” you said with a smile full of pride and it managed to make his own smile resurface although, he wondered, had it ever disappeared? He doubted that. “So if there is one or two she hasn't read, then this is the place to find them. Your girlfriend is a very lucky one today too.”

“Oh oh no!” did he say faster than he should have? Probably yes, but he couldn't fight this. He didn't want you to think there was somebody else in his life for reasons that... he was probably a bit scared to admit to his own self too. “No, she's... she's just a friend. Only a friend. Nothing more. Now that I think about it she's probably a very very distant relative or something like that. I'm pretty sure her aunt is-” but he stopped himself when he realized he was spilling unnecessary information to make any fear or doubt disappear. And when he actually saw the relief flash through your eyes he let himself relax as well.

“Oh great!” it was that very small word that so easily had his heart jumping out of his chest “I- I mean, it's great to have such a good friend as yourself to get her a Stephen King book. I think a book in general is the best one.”

“I'm assuming you would too?” he asked softly and you hummed, nodding your head “You uhm you said something about inspiration too. Are you, maybe, studying anything in college concerning Literature o-or something similar?” he felt like he was pushing his luck but he couldn't stop it. His curiosity and need to know you more.

“Well, more like aspiring to... you know, become an author myself.” you said in a low voice

“Really?” the awe in his voice when he breathed out the words managed to make you visibly relax “That's incredible!” and instantly he felt so proud for the smile he managed to elicit from you “I can't even begin to describe how much I admire people that can write stories, let alone books. Being an author must be so hard but so exciting at the same time.”

“Yeah, I mean sometimes. But nothing can compare to the sheer joy I get when I create new characters and a new world every time you start a story. I- I feel like I could go on about writing or reading books for hours to no end. Hence why-” you looked around you “This bookstore. There's always plenty of inspiration around here, both literally and metaphorically. More so than my own home.”

“I can certainly imagine a bookstore is like heaven for an author and this one... you've done an incredible job with it. Does feel very homey if you ask me. Have you had it for a while now?”

He really didn't want to intrude in any kind of way and definitely didn't want to look like some kind of creep. But when the questions poured out one after the other, there was no stopping them simply because with every word he got out of you he felt like craved for more just like he craved air when he held his breath for too long.

Someone would say he could easily all those and just as many questions he wanted to get to know you over a nice dinner but if only Jensen had had enough courage. That day or any other upcoming one.

-End of Flashback-

You told yourself over and over again that you wouldn't look at the door every time you heard the bell rang because apparently the universe had decided to turn this into a busy hour, with new customers walking in every couple minutes. And yet every time you told yourself that, you went ahead and looked. You were sure that the one time you didn't look it would be him and sure, every time you resisted longer to glance but in the end you always did.

Some customers came and went, some even bought books which you were thankful for because they kept you away from your thoughts. And, once more, as if the universe wanted to play some sort of joke on you; the very second you actually forgot why you were so impatient today – the feeling was still there no matter what – there he was. You almost yelped in surprise, because it was still Jensen Ackles and even after so long you were so not used to this, but his smile thankfully immediately made you relax.

“Jensen , hey.” you breathed out, only for his smile to widen if possible “I was actually starting to worry you wouldn't show up.” you wanted to kick yourself for what you just said.

“You tell me.” he sighed, still keeping the fond smile on his lips “Jared kept... messing up his lines and teasing me and we barely got a scene done in time. Today of all days he chose bring it up all the time and make me even more nervous.” he rambled as he rubbed his eyes.

“Nervous about what? And... teasing you about what exactly?” you asked with a frown and he seemed to freeze for a moment.

“I'm uh- I mean I- Uhm–“ he probably looked like a deer caught on headlights. He had prepared for this, he had been preparing and thinking about it for far too long but he had hoped he'd have a couple more minutes so all in all he didn't feel prepared at all.

“'S ok, don't need to get so flustered with me Ackles.” you said softly but actually with a teasing tone that after all this time you had finally just gotten comfortable enough to use around him “Plus, remembering how to breathe would be nice to, you know, keep living?”

“Well someone's in a good mood today.” his eyes met yours as he whispered softly in addition “I'm really happy to see you like this.”

“I'm happy to be like this too.” you returned the look “But don't think this gets you off the hook. You were still considerably late today Mr. Ackles to the point I thought you weren't interested to hear how the story goes on.”

“Trust me, I would never dare miss the continuation and you know you have me on edge already. Plus-” it was getting harder to swallow and he was this close to just running away... if it wasn't for him making a fool of himself and having waited for this moment for so long that is “To make up to you for the time we uhm wasted here because I was late how about we continue this outside of your work. As in- as in see each other besides when you're at work? You know, go somewhere nice or for a drink after- after you've closed the bookstore? Or anywhere you'd-”

“Jens” you cut him off gently and deep down he was thankful because he feared he was going to keep rambling like a flustered 16-year-old forever “Are you... asking me out?”

“Well, I uh- I-” but he shook his had a bit, taking a deep breath “Yes, yes I am. So, (Y/n), would you like to go out with me... on a date, today after your work's over?”

[petulant-poet]

So more on the eldritch au(not nearly done with this), I’m basically at the moment compiling all of the information I’ve come up with for each friend of Saul’s entity, and why they’re problems for them. Warning: a lot of angst coming up.

Jessica

Her entity is the Manifest

this particular god feeds off of strong emotion

Jessica made a deal with this entity as a joke in college but it got out of hand and now she’s here 

she was drunk with a bunch of friends and one of them dared her to try and summon god

of course, she thought it was a joke, and went on the internet to pull up a summoning ritual, clicking on the first link that came up

they followed it, and out came the Manifest(or, at least a form that they could see and not go insane looking at)

it got angry, and threatened to kill one of them unless the summoner(Jess) swore allegiance to them

She did, and to this day she has kept that secret between her and her friends who were there

basically her Avatar powers are manifesting her emotions in a physical form

when she’s happy, she literally lights up, but when she’s sad she literally sucks the light out of the area

but when she’s angry

OH BOY

Jessica manifests herself into a monster that’s a direct representation of herself

that happened

it didn’t go well

(how it happened I’ll leave it up to you)

after she came out of it, she was in the middle of a ruined town square

of course, people had recorded videos of it and it went viral

the video was soon claimed to be a hoax, and the monster was soon cancelled

Jessica, however, was not left unscarred

she still checks her phone for notifications about the monster, compulsively refreshing to check for anything new, and she has small horns on her head that make it hard for her to blend in with crowds

Saul found her on Instagram

he reached out to her about the Friends of Saul, and she was skeptical at first

she eventually came along, with a lot of hesitation

Henry

he is an avatar of the Lost

this god feeds off of a feeling of being lost or loss, whether mentally, physically, emotionally, or spiritually

Henry had a run-in with the lost after he lost his father to suicide in high school

He had been lost after that, and turned to his games to fill the hole his dad had left behind

the loss struck when he was at his weakest, and welcomed him with open arms

the lost has a malleable domain that can change to entice an avatar best

he had always been obsessed with candy crush, and the lost for him took the form of a candy land

he would blip out of existence for a few minutes every day when first learning about it

minutes bled into hours, and soon entire weekends were spent in the lost

Henry loved going there at first, as he could spend hours on end in total isolation and get back as if nothing happened

but after a while he started noticing the aftereffects of being there so often

spending so much time in the lost was making start to lose memory of his reality, and he became nearly incorporeal on some occasions of spending too  much time in it

his friends and family lost memory of him as well slowly but surely

after a while he stopped going when his mom confronted him about being gone from home for three days straight

however, the lost has ways of dragging people back

after getting out of college, he became lost with what path he was going to take

there was uncertainty everywhere, and soon enough he got fired from his first job out of stress

the lost struck in his sleep, and he was whisked off to his childhood candy land once more

he spent days in there, forgetting about his own world and giving in to the thrill of the lost

when he remembered his world again, it was nothing but a faint memory, but he knew he had to get back

by that time he was nearly one with the lost, and it took him nearly an hour to get back

after that event, the lost was out of control

he went back to it at the most random times, having no control over it anymore

he’d disappear in the rain, on the train, in the crowds, anywhere

Saul found him at a job interview and saw him disappear, knowing right away he was an avatar

Henry came back and the first thing Saul mentioned was joining the Friends of Saul

he was ecstatic he wasn’t the only one with these kind of experiences, and joined right away

Paula

Paula’s entity is the Divine

the Divine feeds off of dreams, which is what Paula severely lacks

instead of dreams, she receives premonitions and omens for the future in her dreams

she had been an avatar of the divine for as long as she could remember, as her parents had given her to the divine for a good shot in life

this wasn’t a problem for Paula in childhood

then, she saw all sorts of good futures and little useful visions, like the answers to the test or a world fixed of systematic racism

however, all of that changed when she reached middle school

as stress and tension rose, her visions began to get more vicious and dark

it truly got bad once she reached high school

at this point her visions had become so violent and horrifying, she feared going to sleep and became an insomniac

she soon turned to narcotics and pills to try and get rid of the visions once she reached college

drugs were the only thing that seemed to combat the visions

her parents told her about how she was an avatar and why they did what they did

Paula was furious, and cut them out of her life

over time, she curbed her drug addiction and was able to function in regular society

her visions became less violent as time went on, and she soon put two and two together figuring out her visions were directly related to her stress levels

as time went on, she began seeing her ability as a gift once more and felt she was ready to let her parents back into her life

however, after she got married, her visions began getting worse once more

her husband was often on his phone in bed looking up the worst things in the world

all of the suffering souls that he couldn’t control, and he’d invited them all in their bed

she was afraid of telling him the truth, so she went on to fighting sleep once more with her phone

that’s when Saul reached out

he gave her a chance to deal with her problem, and Paula jumped at the chance to put an end to her lifelong suffering

Karly

Karly is an avatar of the Pleasure

this entity feeds off of, well, pleasure

sexual pleasure more specifically

Karly had summoned the pleasure after a messy breakup

she wanted to be able to hold someone in her arms for once without them leaving for someone more attractive

the pleasure granted her this, and after that her tinder profile went viral

she loved rolling through her infinite scroll, it never grew old

the pleasure granted her the power to know what turns a person on and how they work just by looking at them

of course, this presented a few problems when going out and seeing what got someone going by looking at them

she learned to control this, but it occasionally slipped out every once in a while

it also gave her the power to manifest those turn-ons in physical form

Karly rarely uses this though, but will do some of the humanly possible stuff when she’s feeling she’s clicked with the right guy

however, none of them ever stuck around, they always saw her as nothing but a good one-night stand

she soon came to see them all as the same, wanting nothing but a night of free food, a good time and then walking out on her in the morning

occasionally there’d be times she was out for the night and the pleasure would make it much harder for her, as every drunk guy was trying to get into her pants, whether subtly or forcefully

it became a routine for her and she grew so fucking sick of it

of course, she was warned she couldn’t leave her deal with the pleasure so she just had to live with it

however, everything changed when a man named Saul showed up in her dm’s

he said that he knew what she was , and he had a way of helping her deal with what happened to her

she was told about the Friends of Saul, and how other people who had made deals with gods were there

she went to her first meeting without much expectation, but some kind of hope

Ed

Ed’s deity is the cocoon

the cocoon feeds off of sadness, which Ed was going to provide a lot of

Ed had first summoned the cocoon on complete accident as a toddler, while playing with bugs

Ed had loved bugs as a child, but he had accidentally did something with them that summoned a god

the god didn’t care that Ed was a child, he was marked as an avatar of the cocoon

he was then wrapped up in a cocoon and trapped inside in a comatose state for about six months

his parents had hidden him in their basement, waiting for him to come out

when he came out, he was...different

he was much more reclusive than before, and he had white irises with black scleras 

despite this, his parents attempted to give him a normal childhood

when school began for him, his parents that sense of normalcy would come to an end

the kids at school loved to bully him, and he was the lowest of the low with no friends

he soon discovered one of his abilities when being chased by a group of bullies, that he could turn into a swarm of insects

from there on he became much more interested in bugs, as he now thought he was a superhero

he became known as bugboy at school, and he wore that nickname with pride

however, once reaching middle school, the nickname was truly used as an insult and his superhero idea faded into nothingness

he became isolated from everyone, not even the weird kids let him in

after a year of middle school, he turned to porn to try and fill the gaping hole in his heart

in high school, the cocoon had a field day every day

Ed became known as the emo kid, and fell into depression and turned to cutting himself

he had grown a pair of antennae at the end of his senior year, but they were small enough to be hidden effectively

he went into a job in retail after high school working at a Target in a new city

it was harsh, and he felt that he could be exposed any time 

after an especially angry customer struck a couple of nerves, he went home angry, and found out the next day that he had grown a couple of extra bug appendages and a beetle shell

at this point, it was everything he could do in his power to make sure he didn’t reveal himself

he had ripped the bug parts off painfully, and left ugly scars across his back and sides

he had tried dating, but his dates had never made it past his eyes, not to mention the fact that he once grew a pair of mandibles in the middle of a date

he had a lovely time ripping those out of his jaw that night

Ed had sunk into a pit of self-loathing, with porn being the only thing that made him feel better

he truly became the most miserable man you could imagine

soon, Saul had reached out to him, as he had built a reputation on the dark web as the infamous “bug man”

he gave Ed a chance to be around other people like him, and he jumped on it

he had gone to the first meeting with hope and enthusiasm of meeting people like him

Toby

Toby is an avatar of the Gazing

the gazing feeds off of knowledge, and will do anything to get it

Toby had always been hungry for knowledge, and it had shown in his voracious appetite for reading

he first had an encounter with the gazing while looking for a book that was apparently banned

he was out of college and looking for something to read from the library, but as expected there were no copies there

he had then gone home fairly disappointed, but found that he had already owned the book

he read it, and from there the strange stuff began

he began hearing voices in the back of his head, that when listened to, could lead him straight to the book he was looking for

after a while, he started to hear other voices as well 

Toby figured out after a few tries with this ability that he was hearing the thoughts of other people

he soon found himself able to identify certain facts without really thinking about it

he tried this power out, and it turned out that he could pull out facts in his head that he couldn’t possibly know

soon enough he tried finding out more about the evils of the government

that went very well 

he became consumed with the injustices of the world, and soon isolated himself from his friends and family 

as he used his power more and more, he became more and more paranoid that he was being watched

the gazing soon came to him in a dream though, explaining to him that it chose him because of his pursuit for the truth

in honesty, the gazing had been watching his each and every move since he reached out into him

the gazing also showed Toby the wider array of knowledge it had, and Toby was truly fascinated with what he had found

his will was not truly his own anymore, as the gazing had a bit of control 

he then turned to online chatrooms and got to work trying to enlighten them

he exposed himself to the worst sides of the internet through this, able to see all of the terrible stuff posted onto it

his power was stronger, but more unpredictable, hence the internet sweep

he also realized soon enough that he manifested eyes in different ways when using his powers

after a few months of using his powers, he soon realized some of the eyes were staring to stick around, which he poked out with needles

fighting with people on chatrooms seemed to also get his power worked up, and he’d pull out facts left and right to crush his opponent

but at the end of the day he just felt tired. so fucking tired

it had gotten to a point where he couldn’t trust himself anymore, and loving someone else was out of the question

this didn’t last long though, as Saul had reached out to him and told him there was another way

Toby was skeptical, but he accepted and joined the Friends of Saul

Marvin

Marvin’s deity is the sacrifice

this deity is particularly rough, as it feeds off of trauma

Marvin was an atheist and didn’t believe in any god, making it very vocal when joking with one of his friends

that’s when the sacrifice swooped in

the same story with little god ensued, except the sacrifice seemed more prone to scare the scientists and make them afraid

in turn, they were getting the information they needed for their experiment

Marvin had one day become fed up and said to the sacrifice that there was no evidence that it was any kind of god

the sacrifice got angry, and sent some of itself into Marvin, making him an avatar

nothing changed at first, but after a while he noticed some of his stuff was going missing, car keys, clipboards, etc.

but in return he was coming up with more scientific discoveries

however, this wasn’t the only thing that started happening 

Marvin soon began seeing things that were apparently not there

at first he thought he was hallucinating, but soon enough he ended up being able to touch them as well

he was even able to show his colleagues after touching them as well

he soon found that he was able to peer into different planes of existence

Marvin saw this as amazing at first, but soon enough he found that sometimes when he peered through, things were starting to look right back

it all came clear when he was attacked in his own home by an otherworldly creature that he was making other things aware that he was there and watching

and they didn’t like that very much

soon enough, he felt like he couldn’t keep his secret to himself forever

he reached out to a close friend of his, Saul

they went out for drinks, and soon enough he told Saul the truth about what was happening in his life

Saul told him shortly afterward that he was an avatar, and that he was making a group for people like him

Marvin was fairly skeptical at first, but obliged because Saul was one of his closest friends

Velma

Velma is an avatar of the Imitation

the imitation feeds off of blood

Velma knew nothing about this at first

she was part of an online tarot group that was going to meet up

she had gone to the meetup, but then the true intention of the group was revealed

they were a group comprised of avatars of the Imitation, and they had come for the blood of the non-avatars in the group

this included Velma

she was one of the ones to escape the meetup, but not before needing to take a life in the process

killing one of the avatars turned herself into an avatar of the imitation

Velma didn’t realize what had happened to her at first at all, and had continued with her life

with a little more caution on the internet obviously

however,that had changed when she accidentally got some of her dog’s blood on her hand

a patch of dog fur sprouted up on her hand almost immediately

she had shaved it off immediately, but the fur had grown back just as fast

from there on she had a strong aversion from blood 

ironically, she grew to get a taste for blood when seeing it

she was obsessed with trying to get answers, and went to the darkest sides of the internet for them

that’s where she got herself the answers about avatars and the deities

she joined a chatroom, and learned about other avatars and joined a community they built for themselves

she met a lot of people there, including the girl across the sea, Daphne

the two hit it off immediately

Velma had found a new home with an online chatroom, and spent all of her free time on it

her family soon worried that she was spending too much time there, and not enough time with real people

but Velma argued that in the end, they were real people who had more in common with her than those in her life

Saul reached out to her then, seeing that Velma needed real life avatars to connect to

he invited her to join the friends of Saul, but she was wary of doing so, especially after the Imitation incident

Saul promised Velma that she would only benefit from this, and she went ahead and joined reluctantly

and so that’s everything on the au so far! I will possibly be writing more fleshed out stories on ao3 once I get around to writing again

[etherian-affairs]

Archae’s Bad Day.

An OC Story about @strawberryoverlord‘s T h e m OC Archae and our favorite murder girl Nihila. 

Written on Discord in portions and compiled here in one solid piece. Small mention of @helila‘s T h e m OC Jim.

T h e m Stories Masterpost

"Intelligence shows this vessel holds the rebel forces bio labs."

That was how Archae was roped into this. Yes she specializes in biological weapons, yes she is great at what she does, yes she was the only one of her caliber in the region of space this operation is taking place in.

But that did not mean she was happy at all about being pressured into cramming herself into a boarding pod with the common soldiers and being catapulted across space to some enemy vessel so she could ascertain the threat level of any biological agents aboard the ship and if needed neutralize them. In fact she is quite unhappy about this. Also a bit scared but that is not to be admitted to the world.

Yet despite all her displeasure here she is. Sitting in this pod and taking deep breaths. On top of all of that the armor she has been put in is rather unflattering. Not a problem you would think someone would give much thought to but Archae was already grumpy enough that this was just a huge insult on top of the rest of this.

This is basically a public outing and it frankly sucked to be in unflattering attire during public outings. Especially when you already are slightly uncomfortable with public outings. 

As Archae puts on her helmet one of the soldiers in the pod with her leans down. "First time doing one of these?*

Feminine voice. Tall. In specialized armor unlike the others here. There is no rank or division insignia, just the emblem of the Horde. An ESS most likely, or some other form of special forces. Though the top of her helmet is blank and featureless while the lower half seems to be some sort of breathing mask. They are connected completely, likely the seals are quite high quality. Classy. Archae can appreciate the find craftsmanship of protecting isolation gear.

Regardless of any appreciation however Archae frowns while she checks the straps on her seat. "Shouldn't you be sitting?"

"No I'm good. It is your first time though I can tell." The soldier laughs lightly. "Don't worry just stay in the shock seat and you'll be fiiiiine."

"I am not concerned about the ride." Archae huffs.

"Oh you should be that's when most deaths occur. Once we're in the ship it'll be easy, just stick with me!"

Archae feels herself blanch under her armor. That is not reassuring.

Suddenly the lights in the pod go green and she feels acceleration. "Really though shouldn't you be sitting?" She finds herself asking.

"As long as I'm in before impact it's fiiiine!"

Archae finds herself clenching the straps of her shock seat tight. Not only is she on a dangerous mission but the one person here who's talking to her is clearly insane. Wonderful.

"We call these boarding pods in kind of a generic way but actually this kind is called an assault ram." The ESS continued talking to Archae. Even as the engine thrummed heavily, as the sound of rock and debris clinking against the hull of their metal coffin rang out. She was still talking. "I normally get sent over in an individual scale torpedo and those use a gel solution for helping you survive deceleration. it's very gooey."

"Please." Archae speaks, she feels sick to her stomach. Anxiety, acceleration sickness, both? Likely both. Archae isn't made for this sort of thing she's a good woman who does good work. Good work that is definitely not this sort of work. "Why are you talking to me?" It comes out exactly as rude and harsh as she wants it.

"Oh! The Marines won't talk to me and I'm supposed to protect you anyway. So I thought we could get to know each other before we never see each other again."

Archae looks up with an expression that screams 'are you fucking kidding me?' unfortunately it's under her helmet. She likes to think the specialist feels it though.

"Oh!" The ESS suddenly says! "Impact soon!"

"Impact??" Archae doesn't like the sound of 'impact'

"Oh did you not read up on how these work? We only decelerate at the laaast moment, and use the forward laser to cut into the targets hull! So we go deep!" The insane woman laughs a bit as she hops into a shock seat. Archae gapes. She knew that was done sometimes, she did not think they'd put her in such a craft.

Someone must want her dead.

Before she can really think about that it happens. Impact. The crashing sound of metal on metal. The whine and screech of the stress of impact.

All coupled with the massive g force pressing Archae into the shock chair. Triggering her panic response, making her mind fuzzy. She can do this. She went through training. She can resist this.

Blackness creeps at the edge of her vision. Then they're stopped. She doesn't black out.

"Hey you did it!" Her mad compatriot calls out. "You're still awake! Now's the part where you stay with me and I take you to the target!"

Archae's head shoots up. The madwoman is already standing and readying one of her many weapons. "How are you already up?!" She hisses out

Then she hears some of the Marines with them laugh and feels the vague combination of embarrassed and murderous that leads one to consider placing a mostly non lethal bacterial agent in people's foods. Not that Archae would ever do such a thing herself. 

"Oh don't mind them! You're a science type!" The ESS readies her weapon, pointing it at the front of their boarding pod, assault ram, whatever it is. Then. "Contact."

The front explodes off and all of the soldiers inside begin firing out through the smoke, the rams sensors painting targets for them through their helmets. Archae can see the display in her own but would barely know where to begin with parsing all of that information.

Archae takes a deep breath, and once the initial sweep is done gets herself up. The sooner this is done the better. Then she can go home, see her cat, read, and poison some marines. Archae nods to herelf, sure of that plan, and steps forward to follow the ESS that is apparently escorting her. 

Of course the specialist continues to try to make small talk with her. Archae can only half listen, only able to partially focus on the incessant banter. She does get confirmation that this is in fact an Executive Solutions Specialist. Number 1172 apparently. 

"So that is how I taught Madame's Hounds to wield knives!" The Specialist shouts over weapons fire as she strides through the corridors of the ship. Her aim is eerily good, sort of horrifying. Her weapon of choice seems to be some sort of customized high powered energy sidearm. It's putting holes in people that's really all Archae knows about it.

She knows much more about this monsters love life though and that's somehow making this entire adventure go from harrowing to frustrating. Apparently this Executive Solutions Specialist is in a romantic relationship with a woman of high standing, lives with her, and they have dogs? How is that even fair?

She's a murder machine!

There is also another issue to address. "Why exactly did you teach the Hounds how to use knives?" Archae's frustration cannot overcome her curiosity about this.

"So they could stab people." The specialist says without missing a beat as she shoots a door panel to trigger the emergency release and expertly murders the crew members hiding inside.

Archae frowns slightly. "Must we stop at every door?"

"I don't want anyone coming in behind us!"

That... Makes some sort of sense. Archae relents on that subject. Then she sighs as they continue their forward March. She has to ask. She needs to know this monsters secrets.

"So how did you and 'Madame' meet exactly?"

"Oh! That's a fun story!"

It also turns out that it is a rather long and detailed story, one that the specialist remembers with almost enviable clarity. Who remembers things this well? All the while they make their way toward their objective, the ships bio-lab. 

"So I killed the terrorists and saved Madame and afterwards she took me into her employ more properly. Which of course I was excited about because she's very attractive." The specialist finished her story as she fired into the lab. That actually made Archae wince, firing into a lab with a high powered energy weapon, but by the screams and sounds of meat hitting metal floor it seems the specialist was hitting her marks just fine every time she popped out from cover to fire.

Archae could appreciate that at least. The lab was going to be intact if a tad messier than she prefers. What she doesn't appreciate is how useless that story of terrorist plots and mass murder is. If anything it just sounds like this Madame is equally as insane as the specialist for falling for this madwoman.

Actually that could be it. Unless things somehow got more romantic between them later, which seems unlikely. Archae doesn't care to ask at this point. It’s starting to make her feel sad and self conscious about her own spinster lifestyle. 

Archae files that whole story away right as the specialist impales one of this ships crew members coming around the corner that they're using for cover with her talons. A knife drops to the ground. "Did they just try to enter melee with you?..." The bio warfare expert asks. She admits that seems wildly stupid even for a rebel species.

"Yep! There's always at least one!" The ESS says as she curls her talons and ruins the stupid aliens internal organs. Then drops the gasping sputtering thing on the ground.

Archae finds herself watching it twitch and die with impassive interest. She doesn't know this species. Maybe she should request specimens to be taken back to her ship... Who knows what they could yield. Sometimes even the dumbest and weakest creatures have biology that can be learned from, and weaponized. 

Her thoughts are interrupted by the specialist. "Labs clear. Let's go."

The two enter the biolab and Archae is less than impressed. A crude workshop with improper safety mechanisms. Sure enough bodies litter the floors. People in hazmat suits and some guards in armor. All with limbs blown away or holes in there torso. "You do not aim for the head." Archae notes.

"Oh not with something with this much stopping power." The ESS replies as she scopes the room and sets herself up into overwatch at the door. "Center mass will be a kill and is a bigger target. Always aim for the largest thing that will ensure the kill."

That is again a potential nugget of actually sage advice taken from the insane ramblings of a killer, and in many ways can apply to much of the weapons Archae produces. Perhaps warfare at any scale has similarities.

With a breath the scientist nods and moves to the lab computers to try and discern what is going on here.

Archae is in her element now. Her bodyguard manages to get the lab door sealed and she has gained access to the lab systems. Data poured out, translated into Horde Standard via the access virus implanted into the ships computers

The specialist is now sitting on the floor near the door. Relaxing and bobbing her head to some beat that Archae cannot discern. Music in the helmet maybe? Oddly enough the so far incessant talker had fallen quiet the moment Archae got to work. Training to allow ‘science types’ to do field work unperturbed perhaps?

"What even..." Archae caught herself expressing her thoughts out loud after the fact. She hears the specialist shift at the words. Briefly Archae ponders if it's even worth it to elaborate to a blunt instrument like an ESS.

Then she decides she wants to speak regardless. It should be her turn to get to talk about something.

"They're not... Making a disease." Archae notes. "These genome maps are for a multi-cellular construct, and they've taken from all over."

"They're making super dogs aren't they?" The ESS replies.

Archae turns around to stare for a moment. "No. No they are not making super dogs."

"Oh. That's what I would make."

There is a long silence as the two stare at one another. Finally Archae takes a deep breath and replies. "Yes. I am sure you would." She then turns back to the computers. "No it's some sort of... Maybe a terror weapon? It is an... idiotically complicated genome map. It is not a pathogen I can tell us that much."

"Why is it idiotic?"

"It's too complex. I can see some of what they're doing and there are such simpler sequence combinations to get the results. This entire map is a mess and they've barely left any notes to work from." Archae actually groans. "There is nothing here for the Horde. This was pointless. I wasn't needed for any of this."

"Well yeah duh." The specialist stands now. Archae looks back again. Surprised at that comment.

"Excuse me?"

"You're a lab scientist. There are field technicians for this stuff. You were sent here to die." The specialist shrugs. Incredibly nonchalant.

Archae sputters. She suspected but to just have it said. So plainly. By this woman nonetheless. "And you know this how?"

"I kill people like you for sport it's really obvious. Also I did tell you I was assigned here to make sure you don't die."

"Wait wait... So I am-"

"Caught in the middle of a power struggle you have no part in! Isn't that fun?"

Archae takes a few deep breaths. Anger starting to well in her chest. She had managed to keep out of these petty power politics for so long and now suddenly this.

Then something impacts the door. Archae actually lets out a yelp of surprise. A scythelike talon suddenly punctures through the door to the lab. ESS-1172 is on her feet and raising her hand cannon immediately.

"That's generally not a good sign!" The specialist declares.

"You think?!" Archae snaps as suddenly the door is forced open and a horrible creature made of scything limbs and large mandibles launches itself at the ESS. A shot is loosed, taking one of the creatures arms clean off.

Unfortunately that doesn't stop it. Archae can barely track what's happening. Horror filling her as the thing apparently knocks 1172s weapon aside and the two enter melee.

A super predator and a macro scale bioweapon clawing and tearing at once another..

Briefly her brain sarcastically notes she can't be sure which is which.

It becomes apparent the creature is going to win this melee if nothing is done. The specialist is a honed killing machine but in this proximity most of her advantages are lost.

She'll die, and then Archae will die soon after.

Just like whoever got her sent here wanted.

The rage boils again. She won't die here. She refuses.

Archaes eyes search for a weapon, something, anything that she can use to turn this fight around. The gun? No it’s on the other side of the fight. Some of the tools in here? Can she grab them fast enough. Her mind spins, undecided on her course of action. Until she catches the specialists claws slashing through the creature.

Archae is the weapon.

In her anger and desperation Archae launches herself at the creatures, onto it's back. Her claws digging into it neck.

It howls and Archae realizes she may have made a mistake as it bucks her off of it. Roaring as it's attention is turned to her.

Fear again, dread. This is how Archae dies. In some terrible lab in an alien spaceship at the talons of some stupid monster. She is sure this is how it all ends. 

Until the grey-purple talons of the ESS suddenly wrap around the things skull and one of its arms. Roaring and throwing it into the computer nearby.

The sidearm maglocked to 1172s hip comes off and she fires at the thing. A quiet pop of a 'silent' weapon. Her thumb playing with some sort of interface on the back of the weapon as she fires again and again.

The creature howls, stumbling. Welts forming. Flesh starting to visibly necrotize. It falls. Whimpering in pain as it dies.

"Well! That was a thing that happened!" 1172 says loudly. "Good thing the needlegun toxins worked huh? Some of them anyway." The specialist notes as she holsters said weapon and retrieves her hand cannon.

"I jumped on it..." Archae says as she stares at her own blood coated trembling hands. "I jumped on that thing."

"You sure did! You saved me!"

Archae pauses in her existential crisis. "... I did... Didn't I?"

"Yep! Which makes all of this pretty awkward actually!"

She saved this specialist. Archae, a lab junky, saved this trained soldier from some monster. She did that all on her own and- wait. Awkward?

"Excuse me?" Archae glances up, then her eyes widen as the specialist levels the hand cannon at her

"Surprise! I'm actually supposed to help make sure you die! Isn't that fun?" She remains so cheerful. Like the entire nature of their situation didn't just drastically change. Like they didn't just spend this whole mission talking.

Archae finds herself... Just about done with this. "NO!" She suddenly yells. "it's not fun! That doesn't even make sense! Why did you protect me this whole way then?!"

"Well you were already here so I thought it would be best if you did actually check this lab." The ESS states matter-of-factly.

"I hate you." Archae suddenly says. Almost hissing it out. "I hate you, this ship, everything going on here."

"But I haven't even reached the best part yet!"

Archae just growls, trying to think of what she can do to escape.

Then the specialist tells her the best part. "I'm not gonna kill you." And lowers her weapon with a laugh.

Archae stares, somewhere between dumbfounded and even more pissed off.

"I like you! Plus you saved me so that makes it awkward. Plus! Madame doesn't even want you dead herself!"

Archae takes a deep breath. "THEN WHY DID YOU EVEN TELL ME?!" She shouts, as loud as she can. She’s angry, and the fact ESS-1172 just laughs at her outburst just makes it worse.

“Just because! I thought you’d like to know!” The Specialist shrugs, and Archae almost loses it. Unfortunately instead she suddenly jolts in surprise, and then winces, as the specialist suddenly turns her hand cannon to annihilate the computers in this room.

"We should be going though! Before the Marines find us and try to kill you!" Ever cheerful the ESS starts to walk out.

Archae has to take a moment to compose herself and follow. "If your Madame does not want me dead then why would you be here to ensure I die?" that wasn't adding up.

"Oh! Well see someone asked her for my services as a favor! The person who actually wants you dead!"

Archae frowns. "And would you happen to know who that is?"

"I do! What was his name...." The specialist hrmms as they walk along now. Wracking her brain for the knowledge she needs. Archae waits, patiently considering if she could maybe take the specialist by surprise and kill her. Probably not. Assuming the Specialist is telling the truth that would be a pointless endeavor anyway, and assuming she's lying Archae might just be dead either way. This sucks, for lack of a better way to put it.

Finally the ESS speaks again. "Oh right! Jimmothy Jimjamin Jimchael Jimfrey Jimpulk Al Kordajim Jimberly Jimbecka Jimantha Jimima Jimmanuel jimessica Jimthina Jimbert Jimila Jimmarie Jimimah!"

Archae stops mid step.

"JIM!?"

[unfortunately-lovestruck]

Colors

This is a cute fluff for Diego and MC requested by @seducemeotome-trash. Thank you for your request, I had so much fun writing it!

Note: This is post vampire transformation for MC, just to clarify the timing.

As always, enjoy!

Colors

“Do you want creme or white for the color scheme?” Diego asked MC.

“There’s a difference?” she blinked.

He laughed, the two color samples still in his hand. MC knew as a vampire one didn’t need any sleep, but she was exhausted enough to do so. Planning a wedding in general was supposed to be difficult, but planning a big wedding was a whole nother monster in itself.

“Oh God, don’t tell me ‘eggshell’ is another shade that’s completely different from the two,” she groaned.

“Um,” Diego cleared his throat, putting back another sample.

“Fucking-” MC threw her hands up, “Is ‘cloud’ different from ‘white’?”

“In some stores, yeah,” he smiled, MC sighing in response. “…Hey, maybe we should save this for tomorrow,” he told her. “This seems nerve-wracking for you.”

“A bit,” she admitted, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he rubbed her arm gently, “This is stressing you out. Besides, the store’s about to close anyway.”

“Uhh- oh it is,” she realized. Half the lights were dimmed and the last customers were leaving.

“Yeah, we can just keep looking tomorrow,” Diego smiled, “We have all the time we need.”

She smiled back, letting him kiss her temple. They left the store before an employee could urge (kick) them out, and continued their conversation in MC’s truck. The radio played softly in between them, a lulled, gentle song with drawn out vocals and steady guitar playing in the back.

“I still don’t see the difference between eggshell and white,” MC lamented, “Eggs are white.”

“Some aren’t,” Diego reminded.

“Okay, but why? Why are some eggs white while others are brown?”

“MC, out of all the subject matters I’ve become well-versed in over the last several centuries, egg anatomy and coloring is not one of them,” he blinked.

“Fair,” she commended, turning the steering wheel, “But next thing I know, you’re gonna be telling me there are 500 different shades of red.”

“Oh God,” he sighed, “Don’t even get me started on crimson and scarlet.”

“Jesus Christ,” MC lamented.

Diego only laughed, the sound almost harmonious with the music from the radio.

“MC, regardless of what color everything is,” he spoke past a grin, “It’ll be the same event, so we probably shouldn’t worry about it too much.”

“Diego, that’s literally exactly what I said in the store,” she reminded.

“Perish the thought,” he feigned offense.

MC snorted, amused at the pompous sound he mimicked.

“Did you actually used to speak like that in like the 1800’s?” she asked then, curious.

“Everybody did,” he shrugged, “Well, in England anyway. It sounds ridiculous and dramatic now, but that was the norm. That is, unless you were someone with a Cockney accent, but that’s another story.”

“I mean I get that it was the norm,” she nodded, “But I don’t know, it’s just really funny to think of you shouting random Shakespearean sentences at someone.”

“Shakespearean was 16th century-”

“Yeah, I know,” she acknowledged, “But the way it sounds… It’s like the stuffy British accent beefed up times ten.”

Now Diego snorted, highly amused at the simile.

“Don’t tell me you haven’t been tempted to call Antonio an egg at least once,” she snickered.

‘What, you egg? [He stabs him]’ was the only quote from Macbeth MC remembered from high school, and as far as she was concerned, she didn’t need to remember anything else.

“Who says I haven’t?” he asked, MC breaking out into cackles at the thought of him in a poofy-sleeved vest angrily gesturing to the other vampire.

“What else have you called him?” she asked.

“Nothing PG, I can tell you that,” he admitted.

“Oh my God,” MC suddenly widened her eyes.

“What?”

“I just imagined you yelling ‘Stand ho!’ at him,” she began laughing again.

“My God, it’s ‘standho’, not ‘stand ho’. You are not telling a hoe to stand,” he emphasized, which only made MC start wheezing.

“So you don’t deny thinking of him as a hoe?” she asked, words strangled with laughter.

“I don’t deny thinking of him as a lot of things,” Diego continued, “Qué gilipolla…”

MC was dying, but to her credit, he was laughing along with her, even if it was nowhere near as hard. Finally, they settled down, Diego’s house approaching in the distance as they drove towards it.

“How did we go from color shades for the wedding to the verbal particularities of ‘standho’?” Diego suddenly asked.

“I honestly don’t know,” MC admitted, opening the truck door to get out.

“Well, at least it wasn’t at a Stop-n-Go this time,” he chuckled.

“You laugh as if you weren’t blushing like a 5th grader the last time we were there,” she raised her brows, shutting the car door again.

“Look, you can’t just randomly ask if your blood tastes good like that,” he defended himself, the blush MC mentioned starting to return to his cheeks.

“It’s only weird if you make it weird,” she told him.

“Alright then, how does my blood taste?” he asked, features completely neutral now.

“I-” she froze, blinking. “You… fuck.”

“See?” he smirked.

“Point taken,” she conceded.

Diego laughed as they headed inside, victorious in their banter. They split once they were in the house, MC taking a quick shower and her fiance following right after. 

It was still strange having no need for food nor pajamas when she got home. However, MC decided to dress in them anyway, more for routine and comfortability than anything else. Instead of going for one of her own shirts though, she eyed Diego’s closet, smiling as she cheekily took one of his own and put it on while he finished his shower.

“MC, I was thinking about-Oh….” he stopped dead in his tracks, staring at her.

“Hey Diego,” she greeted, acting as if nothing was different. “So, how was your shower?”

“It…” he seemed to be struggling for words, “It… had water.”

MC snorted, laughing at the adorable slack-jawed expression he had. 

Five hundred years of knowledge and experience, a PHD, and likely thousands of books read in his time, and yet, he said that when all she did was put on one of his shirts.

“Oh my God, Diego,” she smiled, barely containing more laughter. “Mr. Suave giving the smoothest pick-up lines over here.”

He was blushing again, cheeks furiously red. Regardless, he sat next to her on the mattress, lying back and seemingly trying very hard not to look at her, eyes averting when she angled her body to face him.

“I don’t understand why you do this to me,” he lamented.

“Because your reaction is amazing,” she poked his side teasingly, “‘It had water’? That’s going down as one of your official quotes.”

Diego sighed… “The worst part is I can’t even get back at you,” he said.

“I mean, you can,” she refrained from giggling.

“MC, I am not putting on one of your shirts,” he declared, “My dignity has already taken enough damage tonight alone.”

MC wheezed again, stomach actually starting to hurt from all the laughing she’d been doing. Red was still tinting Diego’s cheeks, but it had faded a bit, and now he was looking at her, attention undivided and features set into an unreadable expression.

It took MC a bit to notice, but when his eyes flicked away as soon as she tried to meet them, she grew worried.

“Diego?” she asked, “Diego, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” he reassured.

She wasn’t convinced.

“I was just teasing you know,” she told him.

“No, it’s not that,” he shook his head, “It’s nothing, really.”

MC stared at him for a second, then sighed. She scooted closer, laying her cheek on his shoulder before placing a hand on his arm.

“Diego, you’re stuck with me forever. Literally, forever,” she reminded. “If something’s bothering you, you should probably tell me.”

“It…” he hesitated, “It’s not necessarily bothering me I would say.”

MC’s brows furrowed. “Then what’s going on?”

“I just…” he exhaled, clearly trying to phrase his explanation right. “I don’t know. I see you like this, in my bed, wearing my shirt, looking happy to see me, and… I suppose it’s just surreal for me.”

“Diego…” she started, knowing this was his self-deprecation again.

“And I’m not telling you that to say I don’t deserve it,” he disclaimed, actually surprising her. “It’s more so… I’m not sure. I never really expected to marry I suppose. Even when I was human, nothing worked with Eva, and after I turned, I hated myself too much to even consider the prospect of looking for someone else.”

He turned to her again now, expression hesitant, soft even. There was an air of gratefulness around him, a quiet sort of peace that emanated into the night’s quiet.

“For five-hundred years, I never thought there would be someone who could accept me enough to be betrothed to me. Someone who would want to spend eternity by my side. And now, I’m sitting next to you, laughing and joking, only weeks away from having you be my wife,” he continued slowly, as if still trying to fully absorb that the words he spoke were true. “It’s just hard to believe is all.”

MC’s heart swelled with warmth.

He was so sweet it was actually unrealistic. He thought himself a villain still trying to repent for his sins, all while he healed people for a living, only accepted blood from ethical sources, and said things like this as if they were casual statements and not storybook declarations of love.

MC couldn’t just respond with something short and curt. Something that earnest and heartfelt needed something of equal quality.

“Diego… Look, I never thought I would get married either,” she admitted. “I didn’t think I would find anyone right for me, just like you. I was too preoccupied with my own life, and when we first met, us getting married later on would have honestly seemed like insane.”

Diego scoffed, amused. “I can’t say I would have disagreed.”

“Exactly. But the fact is, we have each other now, and I couldn’t be happier. Marriage always seemed too bland for me. You know, to settle down, live the domestic life, have kids. It was too routine and expected. But I know, without a single doubt in my mind, that agreeing to marry you is the best decision I’ve ever made. And nothing will change that. Not even eternity.”

She had to admit, it was pretty up there on the cheesiness scale, but it was the truth. Besides, it did have the effect she’d been aiming for. Diego’s side of the emotional bond practically swelled with pure adoration, a small smile curving his lips before he took her hand and kissed it.

“Thank you, MC,” he told her, pulling her closer as he settled further into the bed.

“For the speech?” she asked.

“For everything,” he clarified, “Accepting me, loving me, agreeing to be with me. I couldn’t have asked for anything better in my life.”

“Neither could I,” she kissed his cheek.

Silence blanketed them then, warm and relaxing, filling the space perfectly.

However, MC still decided to break it when she said, “Also, eggshell is still white.”

“Oh my God,” Diego spoke, deteriorating into quiet laughs, “You’re not going to change your mind for all eternity, are you?”

“Nope,” she told him, “And you’ll just have to deal with that.”

“I think I’ll manage,” he smiled, kissing her forehead. “I’ve dealt with worse in my life.”

And so MC stayed by his side, smiling and content, more than ready for years, decades, centuries of this to come.

tags: @its-dr-fuego @weird-aunt-writing @tomsatos

[fuck-customers]

This is going to be a bit lengthy, and even though it was a small purchase and only a few bucks, I caught a scammer and im proud of myself. Plus the whole thing was insanely extra and annoying so I’m just gonna share it with you.

So onto the story…

Last night I was working a closing shift. Around 8 (2 hours before closing), a woman and her son come up to my register to check out. At this point there are no other customers. She has 12 red mangoes, and that’s all.

I go to ring them up but halfway through me typing the produce code for them, she asks, “these are the ones that are $3 for $1, right?” So I pause mid-code type, change it to a price inquiry, type it in, and inform her, “errr, no, they'e 88 cents a piece.”

Sooo… here’s where it gets good. We’ll refer to my coworker in produce by the name “Richard”. It is extremely important to note that Richard always wears a black company hat while on the clock. Next to no one else does this.

She tells me, “well Richard over there in produce said they were 3 for $1.”

Okay… at the time I wasn’t really thinking about it, but looking back I think my subconsious kicked in and smelled something fishy. Here in good old Colorado, and at my store, mangoes are never 3 for $1 unless we’re having one of our special 3 day sales… in the summer. They haven’t been that cheap in I don’t know how long, and my 2 year anniversary is in February, so I’ve been there long enough to know about that. Additionally, There’s been no other customers coming up with complaints about the price, which if it’s wrong, mangoes are popular, so I would have heard about it by now. And it was the last day of our weekly ad cycle so, what even?

So as a recap - at this point, I have a woman and her son at my register, claiming the mangoes are 3 for $1, and she’s specifically using an employee’s name to convince me she’s right, but I am doubtful. Already the beginning of a good scam story, right?

Well, here’s where it gets even better. Let me tell you how our conversation went.

Her: Richard in produce said I could have them for 3 for 1.

Me: err, okay well let me call and see.

Richard (over the phone): hello?

Me: hey, man, so what’s going on with the mangoes? Like, What price are they back there?

Richard: um… 88 cents. Wait… let me double check and look at organics too hold on.

Me: okay. *puts down phone and turns to woman* well, he’s saying they’re 88 cents a piece as well but he’s double checking.

Her: well I just talked to Richard back there a minute ago! Richard told me that I could have them 3 for $1. He was wearing a hat! Richard told me that was the price!

Richard (calling me back on the phone): yeah the regular ones are 88 cents. Organic 98.

Me: and there’s no sign anywhere that says 3 for 1? I have a woman up here saying that you said she could have them at 3 for a dollar. 

Richard: ..no? They'e 88 cents.

Her: Richard back in produce told me!

Me, knowing I was speaking to Richard but asks anyway: right uh.. is this Richard?

Richard: yeah..?

Me: well there’s a woman up here claiming that YOU told her that the mangoes were 3 for a dollar.

Richard, annoyed: is it (brief description of woman at my register)?

Me: yes.

Richard: I saw her in my department but she didn’t speak to me. I haven’t talked to anyone. I’ve been on lunch for the last half hour.

Me: okay, thank you. *sets phone back down, turns, faces woman, and looks her right in her eyes*

So I just got off of the phone with Richard, and he says that he didn’t tell you that, and that he’s been on lunch for the last half hour.

— so at this point she seems to understand that her scam isn’t working, but refuses to back down. At this point in getting a line but I’m INVESTED in this at this point, and there’s nothing I can really do at this point anyways because she won’t back down, so i am stuck there while she changes her scam from “Richard in produce told me” to now we are at -

Her: *turning towards the store and looking around* well it must have been somebody else then!! Who was it? I know he had a hat…

Me: …right well, Richard is our produce manager, sooooo….

She begins scanning the store for employees to pin this on, but hilariously, since she picked 8pm on a Tuesday night, the store is practically a ghost town void of both customers AND employees. Literally the only other employee that she can see besides me and Richard is a guy working in the meat department back room behind a glass wall.

Now, the thing is, is that the meat guys basically never leave their area, and they don’t rove the floor either as right next to the meat counter there are double doors leading to the back room. While they do face produce, they’re not exactly close to it. They have a coffin case in between them, and the doors for the back room that produce uses are literally on the opposite side of the store that meat counter is.

To her credit, I think the woman knew that trying to pin it on the meat guy, Who actually conveniently was wearing the same color and type of hat as Richard was, was ridiculous and wouldn’t have made any sense because she didn’t try to blame him for this. So not as stupid as you’d think, but still pretty questionable.

Anyways, I feel like at this point ive done all I can do, and she STILL won’t leave or accept me all but calling her a liar (all over wanting to pay $4 for almost $11 worth of mangoes, like really lady if you'e gonna pull a scam do it for something that’s WORTH IT), so i call the manager on duty.

However, I was trying to get to the MOD before this woman did, because in MY EXPERIENCE scammers and liars will absolutely talk and walk all over you as soon as a manager shows up and lie to their face - and unfortunately managers always believe the lies and get away with it. I knew if I was able to explain the situation first, it would be different - given that my current manager WILL bend rules, but is also known to stick up for us cashiers.

Luckily, I spot her pushing a cart down an action alley towards us, so I book it over and explain everything as fast as I can. At the end i say, “but you know, She’s…” my manager tries to finish, “She’s being rude?” But I reply, “She’s lying is what she’s doing. She’s lying.” And my manager says “oh, okay. Call (supervisor) up here to deal with the lines.” So I do, as at this point we had accumulated a long one.

So she walks up and asks this woman what’s going on, and in the SNOTTIEST, RUDEST tone she says, “Who are you?” It kind of surprised me because at this point while the scammer was being mind numbingly annoying, she had been reasonably polite, so for her to get so hostile over a manager kind of surprised me, but at this point, thank god, said manager was in charge and dealing with it now.

I took care of a few other customers while they were talking, and as soon as my line was done i excused myself and hung out by my supervisors register, which happened to be close enough to listen but far away enough to not be involved.

And I can hear what they'e saying - my manager having been informed of the scam, is holding firm on the 88 cent price, and the woman, for some unfathomable reason, is still insistent on the price. I think at this point she knew she was caught and was trying to leave gracefully by making it seem like a mistake, but it was really annoying.

Her: it must have been in the online ad.. unless the online ad is wrong.

Manager: they haven’t been that price for a while, MAYBE it was like that 2 weeks ago… (so not in any recent ad she might have “gotten confused” about.)

Even better was that… now, I didn’t find this out until afterwards as my supervisor started to ask me what was going on and since I was explaing it I didn’t hear this part of the drama… but my manager came up to me afterwards after she was done talking to the woman, that apparently the woman switched tactic again, never mentioned Richard, and instead said that she had called the store and asked about the price and whoever was on the phone, was now the magical entity that told her the mythical price of 3 for $1

Absolutely fucking hilariously, said manager said that she had gotten a call like that, answered it herself, and knew for a fact that she did not tell this woman they were 3 for a dollar.

Fucking OH MY GOD WOMAN, you got caught! It’s been obvious for the past 10 minutes that you'e not fleecing any of us! You can save yourself the most dignity by just… FUCKING OFF!

The whole thing was super obnoxious, but handle-able and im proud of myself for sticking to my guns and glad that my manager backed me up and stood firm, as orginally, before i said that the woman was lying, she started telling me to just give them to her for that price. So it was nice that she took me seriously and stood her (our) ground.

The only frustrating thing is that since I have borderline personality disorder… I’m not afraid of confrontation by any means (obviously) but sometimes my body overreacts to my emotion as well. So while I was keeping a cool and level head on the outside (believe it or not) my body was giving me away… my face was flushing, my voice was uneven, my body became stiff and weird and gangly, on top of shaking… too much adrenaline. But other than that I’m happy on how it worked out. Luckily I think my supervisor saw I was a bit jittery and sent me on my break to cool off.

And may I also say, that there’s few other customers that I hate as much as ones who name drop when the person they’re naming didn’t do what they claim they did. Richard seemed mad but cool and collected.. I know if someone did that to me like she did to him I would be stomping over and being like “she said WHAT now? No I did NOT!!!!!!” Back tf up. But that’s just another reason I don’t wear my name tag… can’t use my name if it’s not broadcasted!

But anyways kids, just keep in mind that name dropping is actually a really common way of scamming, it gives the illusion that they really did talk to someone when they didn’t. So it never hurts to double check with that person.

[dontcheckthis-blog]

Blood by Blood [6] EXO AU!

Vampire!AU

Summary: Huáng Jié (黃 杰) is a human turned vampire by a Pureblood. After that incident, she is presumed dead since three days. When she wakes up, she is sucked into a new yet darker world to which she never wanted a part in.

Warnings: Blood, gore, mature content, dark subjects, if you are disturbed by such then do not read this.

(Note: This is my first EXO fanfic and my writing is not good but i aim to improve it as much as i can and i hope you like it. You can send me feedbacks or ideas if you’d like, don’t be afraid to do so. I only own my OC and the story, not EXO. (obviously, mate))

Part 5 - Part 7

___________

As soon as the rain ended, Jie still kept to herself in bed. Even with conditions like these, the Red Moon seemed to never fade away. Was it always like this? It never fades away.

Four days now. It was hard for her to try and adapt to this new life. Especially when feeding. Feeding was always the hard part for her, having to have to drain someone dry. Or just drink animal blood but it didn’t satisfy her, they said.

They could see it when her eyes changed. And they always gave her at least a glass full.

She tries to hold it in. But of course, it was hard not to. The sensation came back again and it was just like when she first woke up. Fire. Dry. Burning. She didn’t want to let out the hungry side of her but it was already starting to claw it’s way out of her. The burning sensation in her throat was just building up and soon, it will be harder to control.

She looks at the clock infront of her. It was already late in the night. She couldn’t see it clearly but she was sure that it was maybe at around 11 or something.

She is unable to sleep tonight. Of course, the thirst was highering and highering. It was hard to not ignore it but she tries to do so. She groans and stands up from bed, deciding to just go outside or something in hopes of getting rid of the sensation for at least a while.

Going to the big door, she looks to see if there was anyone around in the night. There wasn’t. Lucky. Opening it as quietly as she can, the creaking of the door slightly comes out and it makes nervous of who could hear it. As she goes through the space she made for herself, she closes the door again.

Deciding to just wander about the place, she begins to step to the pathway and walk ahead. She could feel the sensation coming back again. It was back and forth. She hoped that she wouldn’t smell blood or see blood. Or else, a person. It would be worse by then.

Her breathing increases as she walks faster. Fuck. In her head, she was almost going insane. But she tried to stay to herself for as long as she can. It was getting more difficult to do so. Because she was nearing the wolves.

Then the smell hit her. She stops. Shit. It was impossible now to go back. Because one of them was bleeding. And that was not good. She looks ahead. Her eyes changing again to a pale blue.

Ahead of her, she sees a silhouette of a wolf coming towards her. And in her mind, this wasn’t the right one. She didn’t want to do this. The wolf was bleeding badly. And she didn’t want to harm it anymore than it is.

Her thirst was coming up. Killing her throat. Her breathing was high and her fangs, potruding from her canine teeth. She pricks her lower lip, drawing out a small amount of blood to at least, satisfy even a bit of hunger out.

She didn’t notice the wolf whimpering. She thought that it would be growling but it wasn’t. And that was when she noticed the wound and the blood drawing out from the right shoulder of the wolf.

The wound was big. And the blood was almost covering the whole body. The wolf staggers towards her slowly but she hesitates, afraid of hurting it. The wolf whimpers again. Jie looks at the eyes of the wolf. It’s hurt. Suffering.

“I don’t want to make it worse for you.” She says, but the wolf didn’t seem to get the message as it continues to walk towards her but she did not make a move or jump towards it.

When the wolf was already infront of her, it slumps down to her. Setting it’s head on her lap, slightly whimpering. “You……know what I am….” she mutters as she caresses the wolfs’ head. The wolf, breathing heavily.

She inspects the wound. It’s deep, the blood gushing out with even the smallest of touch. But what she didn’t expect was when she puts her hand over the wound to try and stop the bleeding, the wound suddenly disappeared.

When she lifted her hand back, her eyes widened. The deep wound that was formerly on the wolf was cleaned off, gone. “How did…..”

The wolf suddenly got up and went closer to her, suddenly licking her which took her by surprise. “Alright, alright. You’re okay now.” She says as she is being attacked with the wolfs’ affection.

When the wolf steps back away from her, a silhouette of a person comes by ahead. As the silhouette comes closer and closer, the wolf wasn’t fazed. It was just tilting its’ head. “I see he has taken a liking to you.” Minseok says, as he stops infront of her.

He gives her a knowing look. “You’re hungry.”

She looks down, swallowing an extra saliva that was stuck in her mouth. “I’m trying to stop it.” She explains. The wolf starts to walk away but not before giving her another lick.

“You can’t stop it unless you feed yourself, Jie. I know you understand that, yet you make yourself suffer.”

“Because I don’t want to kill anyone.”

“I know. It is difficult to accept but sooner or later, your instincts will take control of you. Especially when you are hungry.”

She flinches slightly at the last sentence. Sooner or later. When will that exactly be?

Minseok sighs as he pats her shoulder. “Come on, I’m sure that we still have some left.” He says as Jie nods slightly. “Okay.”

Giving her a full glass, she takes it quickly before she could even realize it and chugs it. Reaching halfway, she quickly sets it back on the table. Her lips smudged with the fresh blood, and some were dripping down to her chin.

She wipes it off with the back of her hand, only smudging it more around. Sighing, she grabs the glass and drinks it slowly now. Savouring the taste, it is impossible to turn back now and even if she tried to, the thirst would still just get to her and gradually control her.

“Oh, Jie. I’d like to ask, did you heal that wolf?” Minseok questions.

The question takes her by surprise, setting the now empty glass down on the table. “What? Sorry?”

“The wolf from before, did you heal its’ wound?”

“Wait, you didn’t-“

“Of course not, I just assumed that because of all the blood all over the poor thing. The wound must be so deep, it must have suffered so much pain.”

“Oh. Well…..all I did was just put my hand over it and then it just disappeared. Don’t know what happened.”

“Ah, I see.”

Silence came between them for a while until Jie begins to speak. “What was it about? Why did that happen?”

Leaning back, Minseok thinks back as to the Purebloods controlling each element. At least, some Purebloods. “I forgot to mention that some Purebloods can control an element. Notice that I said some.”

She tilts her head slightly in confusion. “You mean like water, fire, all that stuff? Purebloods can control that?” She questions, getting more curiouser and curiouser.

Minseok gives her a nod. “Yes. But not all of us. Some are lucky, some are not. Some are born with it, some are not born with it. It depends.”

“Ahh,” Jie nods a bit, understanding the context and subject. “In your case, healing.”

Minseok leans against the table, putting his head on his hands. “Yixing is our healer in the pack. If we are wounded or just got out of a fight, we go to him and he stitches us up back all in one piece.

Just as I explained before, a feeder will get the traits of the Pureblood who bit them, that includes their powers. That is, if they do control one. You healed a wolf back in its’ form. You have the healing powers of your maker, Yixing.”

“This is……quite a lot….to remember…”

Minseok chuckles. “Oh, there are more things to learn about our customs and culture but, I’ll leave that for another time. Maybe when you’re fully adjusted into our lifestyle.”

“Yeah…..I’d rather..like that.” Jie mutters. Minseok stands up from the table, taking the empty, stained glass away and giving her a gentle smile. “You should rest now. You’ve fed. It would also be best to clean the remaining blood out.” He mentions.

Jie realizes the smudged blood around her mouth and some bits of it on her hand, a hint of embarassment comes to her but she tries not to show it. Minseok notices and chuckles. “Go rest now, I’ll take care of this.”

She stands up from the table and pushes the chair back. Beginning to walk away from the table, she hears Minseok say a bit of word to her. “We’ll also have a bit of a reunion tonight. Few of us have come back from a long spree, I hope it won’t cause you much discomfort. If it does, you’re free to stay in your room if you’d like.” He explains.

Stopping in her tracks. Few of us?

She furrows her eyebrows in confusion. There were more of them. In the pack. Coming back from a spree. What kind of spree?

Minseok catches on to her thinking. You do not want to know, I’m afraid.

The Red Moon catches on to the sky. Still shining. Just like the first time she saw it. Why was it red though? She’ll be honest to have always had that question in her head ever since but it wasn’t relevant at that time. But she couldn’t really tell if it is now.

Letting the water run for a bit, she takes a handfull and splashes it to her face. The water mixing in with the blood and running down to her chin, falling to the sink in red color. Doing it several times until all the blood has completely washed off along with the bits on her hand.

She looks at herself in the mirror, opening her mouth to see that her fangs have gone already. The hunger fading away. She is thankful for that but she knows that one day, she’ll have to deal with the hunger herself. Not being able to rely on animal blood anymore.

It will get stronger and stronger as time progresses and passes by. It will harder to control and tone it down by then.

Wiping the remaining liquids off, she goes back to the bed, lying down on it and pulling covers over her. She closes her eyes, beginning to drift off. But not before opening her eyes again. She is………she couldn’t describe it anymore.

The vampire life. A feeder. Bitten. Turned. Human. She isn’t human anymore so, she could scratch that out of her list. But it is still inside of her. Others. Living among them was difficult to say. It’s only been four days.

Fucking hell, what is this?

Closing her eyes again, she now drifts off to sleep. With awaiting arrival of the others tonight, she was a bit excited to say the least but she was mostly anxious. This feeder life and the traits you would inherit and such.

-

Kyungsoo looks back to his feeder. After seeing him feeding, he is glad that he’s already back and up again. Jongin wipes the excess blood off as he looks up at him. “Are you full?” Kyungsoo questions his feeder, as he caresses his head.

Jongin smiles and nods. “Yeah, I am.” He says. Kyungsoo smiles back, giving him a kiss on the forehead. Jongin blushes at the sudden affection from his maker, he couldn’t stop himself from smiling at such a simple gesture.

“Let’s go back now. It’s time that we should see them again and I heard there’s a new feeder of Yixing hyung.” Kyungsoo explains as he cleans off the excess blood that at the edge of Jongins’ mouth. “Really? A new one like us?” He asks, a tone of excitement included in.

Kyungsoo nods, and helps him get up. “Come on, Luhan hyung is waiting for us.” He says.

When they reached the place, they saw Luhan standing by the doorway waiting for them. “Had fun?” He asks, gesturing to the dried blood splatter on Jongins’ shirt. Kyungsoo nods off, signalling that they should go, hoping Luhan would catch the hint. He did.

“Are you excited?” Luhan asks. Kyungsoo didn’t get it at first, confusing him. “What?”

“You know, seeing the new feeder. Jongin, are you?”

“Yeah, I am. I wanna meet the feeder.”

“Ahh, that’s what you mean.” Kyungsoo says as he finally gets what he means. Luhan looks at him. “So, are you?” Kyungsoo just hums in response. “Well, I am intrigued. Since this is Yixing hyungs’ second one, I’d like to see how it is.” He replies.

“Agreed. Oh! I also heard that the new one is just like Sehun.” Luhan adds in, as they were walking past the gates. “I can already tell that they could get along.”

“Well, did they not have a past before?” Kyungsoo questions as the gates closed by themselves when they walked through. Luhan nods. “They did, but I’m certain that they would’ve recognized each other. They didn’t. Something must have happened between them.” He explains, only mentioning what he knows.

“Hyung, he hit his head when you were going to kill him.” Jongin cuts in the conversation, grabbing the hand of Kyungsoo to keep himself steady with Kyungsoo noticing it and helping him fully. “Maybe he forgot everything because of that.” He added.

Luhan still remembered the incident. The day when he accidentally turned Oh Sehun. The day of the Red Moon where he was only supposed to be a food source for Luhan to drain away. But it went to the wrong way. And instead, he was turned into one of them. Forced. Just like her.

He recalls what Jongin said. He hit his head when he was going to drain him. “Of course, that’s why.” He mutters as he remembered the moment.

When they were already near to the house of their pack, the entrance, Luhan pushes the two big doors and were greeted by Minseok and Baekhyun, welcoming them back.

“Hyung! You’re back!” Baekhyun gives Luhan a hug to which he replied back in the same manner. “Kyungsoo! Jongin! I’m guessing you were feeding before you came back here?” He gestures to the shirt.

Jongin nods, before being attacked by a bear hug from Baekhyun. He lets him go then goes on to Kyungsoo who gives him a glare, warning him that if he does so, he’ll be in trouble but despite the warning, he still gave him an exchange. “Baekhyun hyung!” Kyungsoo shouts out. But it only made Baekhyun hug him tighter and laughing. Luhan chuckles at the sight.

“You missed us that bad, Baekhyun?” He mocks a bit, chuckling a bit. Baekhyun lets Kyungsoo and nods. “Yeah, Hyung! I missed you guys a lot! Oh, did you hear about the new feeder?! This is so exciting!” He exclaims happily, jumping up and down.

Minseok steps up to the front, signalling Baekhyun to tone it down a bit. “Baekhyun, why don’t you gather everyone here and let Jie know as well?”

Baekhyun nods and quickly went up the stairs, disappearing.

“So, there’s a new feeder for Yixing. You said he’s going through the same thing?” Luhan begins, catching Minseoks’ attention. “Yes. He’s…..regretful. Guilty about what happened. It’s the same situation you were in before. I figured you would be able to help him.” He explains.

“Well….I’ll do my best. But I’m happy that we’re back here again, Jongin has been feeling homesick ever since.”

Minseok chuckles. “It’s been quiet here ever since you left, Baekhyun has been complaining and whining and he misses Chanyeol a lot.”

“Well, he’s gonna be whining more sincd Chanyeol won’t be back until tomorrow night as well as Junmyeon.”

“Ah, I’ll have to go through it again.”

Luhan laughs, knowing how it will be when Baekhyun finds out about this. “So, who is the new feeder?”

They all reach to the table and sit down, Minseok clears his throat as he sits down. “Huang Jie. She’s still adjusting to our lifestyle, four days before, including now would be five.” He gives out the information.

“Ahh, still quite new then. I’m sure she’s met Sehun then.”

“Yes, they did and they got along quite well. But they didn’t realize it.”

“I know, would they want to though? That’s the question.”

“We’ll just have to wait and see.”

[strengthrequireskindness]

Batfam Drabble Part Two

Tagging @this-canadian-girl and @desolationofzara again because they are awesome and help my poor anxious ass with the needed research

Warning for cursing, mention of rape, and some violence

---

“Let her go.” It was Nightwing who spoke first, drawing his sticks off his back as he did so. “Hurting her isn’t worth the beating you’re gonna get.”

The man didn’t respond at first. It was only when she felt the cold steel at her neck that Najida realized what he was planning. He flicked the blade ever so slightly, and she trembled as a thin bead of blood bubbled up from the cut.

“I’m not going to hurt her. Not unless you do something stupid. She’s mine.”

"Who sent you?” Red Hood stepped forward, his expression thunderous. At least, she guessed it was thunderous, given that she couldn’t actually see it. “Los Lobos are an East End gang. You don’t go into the Narrows.”

“Not unless there’s profit in it for you,” finished Red Robin, a thoughtful expression on his face. “So this wasn’t random.”

“Got it in one. Suffice it to say we’re being paid a lot to make sure this little missy doesn’t survive.” He punctuated his words by pressing harder on her neck, and she grimaced as the blade bit further into her skin. She knew enough about anatomy to know that if the knife went any further, the blood would definitely start flowing freely.

Think, she urged her brain. There has to be something. My rescuers aren’t going to try anything if the blade stays at my throat. The game’s not working for them right now. So change the game. Give them an opportunity.

“Hello? Hostage here? Are we going to keep staring at each other menacingly, or am I going to get some answers on why people want me dead?”

Everyone’s faces registered confusion. That was good. She just had to keep it going long enough for the masked marvels to catch on.

“No, seriously. I literally know nothing about why you're trying to kill me. Some answers would be nice. Who is they? Why can't you just let me go?"

The man's grip tightened, and Najida instantly knew she'd made a mistake, although she didn't know what it was.

"Liar. You know more than you're telling. They told us your father contacted you last before they eliminated him. He gave you something important that was not his to give."

His words hit her like a slap to the face, leaving her head spinning. This simply made no sense. These people had to be insane. She was being attacked for nothing. Her father had been murdered for nothing. That made her furious.

"Are you high? What are you talking about? My dad was a lab tech, and a good man! He wouldn't do something like that! The mysterious 'they' who hired you murdered him for what? The book about the Crusades he gave me because he knew I loved history? The crossword we did that night in the Gotham Gazette?"

"You think it's not normal for a father to spend time with his daughter before his daughter finds him bleeding out? You're right, because he shouldn't be dead in the first place! Pardon my French, but you are fucking insane. Or just a psycho. Goodness knows we have more than enough of those."

She was yelling now, tears streaming down her face. "Why did they do that to my dad? Why are you doing this to me?You sick son of a bitch!"

It's possible that the man holding her would have killed her for that, or at least threatened her. As it was, she didn't know what he would have done, because as the man opened his mouth to speak, a green boot slammed into the side of his head, sending him flying into the wall.

The tiny Robin dropped in front of her as his companions charged to meet the rest of the thugs. Ignoring the sounds of fighting behind him, he angled his head towards the ground, eyes down and a hand over his heart.

"Hello. Are you all right?" His voice was young, slightly accented, and strangely familiar.

Despite it all, Najida smiled. Only in Gotham would one of the Robins know a traditional Muslim greeting, and care enough to use it. Just when she thought the city was full of bad things, it always managed to change her mind.

"Yes, thank you. Are your friends going to be all right?"

The tiny Robin scoffed. "Those peasants don't stand a chance."

"Do you mean your friends or the thugs?"

"Which one do you think I mean?" He rolled his eyes just as a gunshot rang out, the sharp report echoing through the small space.

Najida flinched, dropping to the ground and covering her head with her hands. The tiny Robin looked unconcerned, even as a thug fell down, screaming and holding his foot.

"That's Hood. He's the marksman."

"He shoots people? Shouldn't you not shoot people?"

The look the tiny Robin gave her could have burned hair. He scoffed. "Do they not deserve it?"

She was about to snap that nobody deserved to be shot when something came to her. Why was that accent and bad attitude familiar? Because she'd seen it earlier that day.

"Damian?"

The kid froze like he'd been caught in a searchlight, before lunging straight at her. Caught by surprise, his momentum knocked her flat on her back, pinning her under him as the tiny Robin held her down.

"How do you know that name?"

She groaned as his knee dug into her stomach. For such a tiny kid, he was freakishly strong. "Cut it out and I'll tell you!"

Slowly, the knee moved back, but he didn't get off of her. Oh well. One out of two wasn't bad.

"One, I'm a barista. If I don't remember my customers, I'd be out of a job. Two, not many preteens carry themselves like Alexander the Great. Three, no I am not going to tell other people because I am very aware that you can and will kill me. And four, if you don't get off me right now I'm going to remind you that you are breaking the rules of my religion, which makes me a lot more willing to hurt you."

When he didn't respond, Najida shoved him hard. The force pushed him roughly off her, sending him tumbling onto the ground. Damian turned the impact into a roll and came up standing, his expression promising bloody death.

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't beat you unconscious right now."

Najida threw up her hands. Earlier that day, she might have been scared. But compared to what she'd just been through, a boy in a bird costume with a degree in brattiness and homicidal tendencies didn't frighten her as much as it probably should have.

"Look, you attacked me! I literally was about to tell you that I don't plan on doing anything with the information before you plowed into me like a wrecking ball. I warned you to get off me, too. You're the one who didn't listen or wait for an explanation."

For a moment, they both stared at each other, the only noise the sound of fighting. Then Robin blew a breath out through his nose, eyes still narrowed.

"Tt. You're not what I expected. When I saw a bar wench-"

"Barista!" she interrupted angrily. "Bar wench is derogatory, inaccurate, and it makes you sound like you're in the Middle Ages."

"Will you let me finish? As I was saying, I expected someone weak and servile. You're not what I thought you were."

Huh. From such an emotionally confused kid, that might be as close as Najida got to a compliment.

"Robin!" The call made her jump as Damian's head whipped around.

"I have to go help them. Stay down."

And just as quickly as he'd showed up, he was gone, diving into the fray with reckless abandon.

Najida huddled close to the wall and watched the fight, eyes flicking on each of the heroes in turn. These were her idols, people who'd finally decided to do something about the darkness plaguing Gotham. Even though they were only human, they still decided to heed the call and take up arms.

Nightwing fought like a deadly ballet, flipping and turning with uncanny precision. Here a backflip, there a midair somersault, even grabbing the edge of the Dumpster to flip over backwards and send three guys flying. His sticks were just as fast, smashing faces and disarming people with the speed of long practice.

Whoever Red Hood punched stayed down. He didn't hold back and he gave as good as he got, bloodying faces and knocking out teeth. While Nightwing was an acrobat, this guy was clearly a brawler first and foremost. His guns kept firing, aiming for kneecaps and legs and other non-lethal areas.

Red Robin's fighting style was more analytical. He didn't waste time on stray punches or any grandstanding. His hits went straight toward the places that would cause the most damage or take the person out the fastest. His bo staff shifted from hand to hand, shooting out to whack people over the head or knock them to the ground.

Robin fought like a demon. While he didn't look physically tough, he was using the mass and force he did have to great effect. His hits landed with a force greater than she'd expected, his small frame made it difficult for his attackers to hit him back, and he was using their underestimation of him to his advantage. Every Batarang he threw hit its target, leaving more than a few thugs unconscious or with concussions at the very least.

Almost as soon as it had started, it ended. Some of the thugs-or were they gang members?-had fled, opting for self-preservation over courage. But most of them were laid out on the ground, either unconscious or loudly groaning.

Red Robin got busy tying the thugs up, using tough and sturdy knots and ignoring the conscious ones' complaining.

"This is illegal!"

"So's attempted robbery and murder," the winged vigilante snarked back. "Have fun complaining about it in Blackgate."

While Red Robin secured the thugs, Red Hood was doing something more violent and intimidating. Which didn't really surprise her, given what she'd seen of him so far.

The man who'd held a knife to her throat nearly pissed himself when he was slammed hard into the brick wall, Hood holding him by the shirt collar as easily as Najida could hold a coffee cup.

"Who hired you?"

The man was close to sobbing, breaths coming out ragged and wet.

"I won't tell you! They'll kill me if I tell you!"

"No great loss, then." Red Hood drew closer to the thug so that they were nose-to-nose. His face darkened.

"You and your merry band of sickos nearly raped and killed a teenage girl. If they don't kill you, I'll do it first. And I won't be nearly as quick or gentle. I'm the Red Hood, asshole. You should be fucking terrified of me."

"Now, for the last pain-free time. Who hired you?"

"APOLLO INDUSTRIES!" the man screamed, sobbing as he was roughly pushed to the ground.

The name cut straight to the bone, the shock pinning her in place, unable to move. No. That couldn't be right. Apollo Industries was where her father had worked before he'd died. Before he'd been murdered, she corrected herself.

That meant he was murdered by his own company. They'd killed him. They'd killed her father.

The man crying, the sound of boots on concrete, the lights of the city, all of it faded away, until it was just Najida, alone with her grief. Trembling, she sank to the ground, her legs unable to hold her. Had his death only been a year ago? It felt like a lifetime of pain.

When she closed her eyes, she could still see.

The broken window, shards of glass scattered across the floor. Her father's body, broken and twisted on the ground, covered in red and eyes unseeing. Blood covering the walls of his room like a macabre paint job. The three people in the room with the corpse. The wild Asian man standing over his body, hands curled into claws, a crazed look in his eyes, and a barely human form. The little Hispanic girl in a bloodstained dress holding a butcher knife. The abnormally tall black man with an almost clinically perfect body and a detached expression on his face. The red and blue lights of the cop cars up and down the street. Her mother's face, frozen in a scream of endless sorrow but not knowing the reason for it.

When she closed her eyes, she could still hear.

The footsteps of the three people as they ran, her desperate screams following them.

The exclamations of the cops when she showed them the body.

"Fifty six stab wounds. Fuck."

"Is that his kidney? Looks like it's been sliced open, too.."

"Oh my god, his leg's been chewed off..."

The words of the one man who wanted to help a scared kid.

"I'm sorry, Commissioner Gordon, I swear I didn't do it-"

"Kid, hey. No one thinks you could do something like that. You're fifteen, you're not strong enough to kill a five foot ten man, and you're the one who found the body, after all."

"But I heard some of the officers saying that they shouldn't trust me-"

"They're idiots who can't see past their own bigotry. Nobody's going to listen to them."

"Promise?"

A deep sigh. "Promise."

The disbelieving responses when she told them what she'd seen.

"A wild man? Kid, this isn't the Stone Age."

"I swear I'm not lying! Please, you've got to believe me!"

"Shock's a hell of a drug. She's probably not thinking straight."

"I'm thinking just fine! I just want someone to listen-no, please, come back! Come back! No!"

When she closed her eyes, she could still smell.

The overpowering stench of blood, stuck in every nook and cranny and refusing to come out for months after. The smoke from the commissioner's cigar, circling his head like a gray wreath. The smell of body odor and mint-she could never have mint chocolate chip ice cream after that.

When she closed her eyes, she could still feel.

The blood on her hands, enveloping every inch of skin. It was everywhere, she'd been bound to get some on her at some point. The feel of the large trench coat, draped over her by the commissioner like a blanket. The rough edge of the curb digging into her legs. The rain pounding down on her head.

While it had faded slightly over time, the grief always been in the back of her mind ever since that day. But this new revelation brought the tears and the agony out full force. They fell with the force of bullets, soaking her cheeks and blurring her vision. Sobs wracked her chest, lines of aching tearing through her body like claw marks.

This wasn't fair. They'd sworn on live TV that they had nothing to do with her father's death. They didn't even help her and her mother get back on their feet. It was their fault that they lived in a crappy apartment and her mother was bedridden. It was their fault that her mother cried for days at a time without knowing why. It was their fault her throat was bleeding right now.

Well, they'd made a big mistake. They'd failed to kill her. And she wasn't planning on letting them get away with it.

(Part Three will be up soon!)

[brokebuckkmountain]

More stories from the grumpiest barista on Earth

customer: (stands in line for ten full minutes)

customer: (reaches front of line)

customer: Oh wait, I just need to reload.

———————————-

customer: (sticking card into the machine)

customer: (without removing their card) Oh, and I want these almonds too.

———————————-

customer: (standing several feet from my register)

me: Actually, I’m gonna ring you up right over here.

customer: (like I’m a goddamn idiot) What, you can’t hear me? (then got very angry when I asked them to repeat their order)

(Forreal why do customers stand so far away form your register like, yes register one is open but I like it over here so fuck you)

———————————-

The amount of drinks and pastries I’ve had to give away for free because the customer yanked their card out before the machine was done reading it and left the store is ridiculous. Or how long I’ve had to wait and tell customers “You pulled your card out too soon.. Wait until it prompts you to put it back- no not yet, wait til it tells you. If it says insert card, then yes you can insert your card. What now? Well if it says don’t remove your card, then don’t remove it. Not until it beeps- okay you removed it, now we get to start all over.” Meanwhile, my line gets longer and longer.

———————————-

customer: (several feet from register)

customer: (holding up impulse item) I want this! How much is it?!

(HAND ME THE ITEM SO I CAN SCAN IT HAVE YOU NEVER BEEN TO A STORE BEFORE)

———————————-

I had a family order five different caramel drinks from me (macchiatos and frappucinos), but they didn’t know who wanted what and kept losing track of how many drinks they wanted and yelled at me because I was ringing them up for what they asked for, not what they really wanted.

———————————-

me: (making a mocha, which comes with whipped cream unless specified otherwise)

customer: (turns to her friend and scoffs) Ugh, did you want whipped cream?

(Because I’m at fault for following the recipe. Not you, customer who doesn’t know what goes in their drink. You’re always right, remember.)

———————————-

On a similar note, I’ve had customers ask for no drizzle or whip or something and say “Yeah, they just decide to add that stuff to my drink even though I don’t want it! Like why do they just decide to do that?”

Baristas aren’t making artistic decisions with your drinks. We are following the recipe. If what you want differs from it, then tell us. Your preferences are not the standard.

———————————-

A woman mobile ordered a cascara coconut milk latte (which has the milk in the title), and when she came to pick it p, she complained that we made it with coconut milk because she wanted 2%...

———————————-

I had a customer stand at my register and ask me for directions while one the phone. She wouldn’t leave. I had a very long line.

———————————-

customer: Can I have an earl grey tea latte?

me: Sure, what size?

customer: So, it’s a London Fog basically. You’re gonna wanna steep the tea bag in water, then-

me: I know what an earl gray tea latte is. I just need to know what size you’d like.

(Hipster mf really tried to mansplain a menu item to me, the barista who worked at the store. I was so annoyed. It was as if he had practiced his little spiel in his head, and he was just looking forward to explaining how to make the drink to me.)

———————————-

me: (literally shuts my cash drawer)

customer: Here’s a quarter, I want even change.

me: My cash drawer is shut, the transaction has ended and I can’t open it again.

———————————-

So a customer wanted dark roast while we were brewing more of it, he said he was willing to wait. When the dark roast was done, I asked my customer support (who was pouring other coffees) if he would pour it and hand it off, because I had a line out the door. Fifteen minutes later, when the rush had finally died down, I turned around... to see he had never called out the dark roast. Later that day, the same coworker was getting warmings, and he said he’d get the cheese danish in the oven for me. Ten minutes later the woman who ordered it wandered over and yelled at me that she hadn’t received it. I turned around to see that my customer support had put it in a bag and left it next to the oven. The same coworker frequently tries to snag register from me and starts making me do customer support stuff (and I do it, because I’m not gonna just let the jobs not be done because he’s the one that should be doing them. But it’s annoying). He also fucks up a lot, no call no shows a ton, and still tries to act like he knows more than all his female coworkers. After doing basically nothing during a huge rush, he then wandered over to my coworker and I while we read something and shouted “Whatchu need?! Whatchu need?!” in our ears. He’s my second least favorite coworker. My actual least favorite coworker does the same shit to me, but he’s probs getting his own damn post.

———————————-

Variations of “I want the cheese from this sandwich on this bread with this kind of meat, cut like this, okay?” Um, no. This is a coffee house, not a cafe. The sandwiches are pre-made.

———————————-

One girl was on the phone the entire conversation while asking for incredibly modified drinks and food, and was super rude in the way she gestured to me. Someone got decaf.

———————————-

Why do so many customers walk away from the register, then when I begin helping a new customer, they cut in and demand their receipt. You walked away bro.

———————————-

Yes, Starbucks serves two smoothies. But please stop modifying them like you’re at Jamba Juice. If this is where you’re coming to get your health nut smoothies, I have bad news for you about the the ingredients going into the drinks.

———————————-

customer: Can I have a (whatever)?

me: Unfortunately, we’re out of that one.

customer: No you aren’t.

me: Um... yes we are? I’m sorry, is there something else I can get you?

customer: I see one in the case!

me: Oh, I can’t actually serve you that one. The case is not kept cold enough.

customer: But I want it.

me: And I don’t want to lose my job when you sue because of food poisoning. Would you like anything else?

(this happens all the time)

———————————-

customer: (seeing me write on a hot cup) You got that it was hot, right?! (or the same with the cold cups)

———————————-

These two super rude customers started complaining to the new guy on bar that their drinks tasted wrong. “I drink this every single day and it just doesn’t taste right. No you don’t have to remake it but..” BUT you’re fishing for a freebie. My coworker and I stepped in and squashed that bullshit right quick. Nice try, I watched him make the drink properly. And you don’t get the drink here every day, because I’ve never seen you before in my life. Either let us remake it or GTFO.

———————————-

These two customers asked for the most obnoxiously modified drinks ever (and I could barely understand them because they didn’t quite know what they were asking for and had super heavy accents). The drinks must have been at least $8-something each. Then they handed me two free drink coupons that Starbucks hasn’t given out in years. My ASM accepted it, but I’ve heard of other Starbucks getting these super old fake coupons lately too. What the fuck people.

———————————-

Apparently this is like a new health thing, but imagine my coworker’s and my shock when a woman asked for two butters to be put into her latte.

———————————-

This one woman was informed by my coworker that we were out of whatever she ordered, and was getting something different. She clearly had some questions about what my coworker said, because she came to my register and wouldn’t leave, asking me a million questions even though I had a line out the door and couldn’t answer any of them.

———————————-

customer: I want a mocha frappuccino, no mocha drizzle. (the drink doesn’t come with drizzle)

me: Okay, that’ll be ready for you down at the bar!

coworker: (puts drizzle on it, even though it doesn’t come with that)

customer: (after having her drink remade, she still decided to wander back to the register side, come almost behind the food case,and start condescendingly going “Is there not a box for you to put the no drizzle? I’m just curious. There’s boxes, right? I don’t see ‘no drizzle’ on my cup, so I’m just wondering.”)

me: (because I’m not a dick and don’t want to throw my coworker under the bus and subject her to this bullshit, I just want the lady to leave because it’s 7:30 am and I have a long ass line) No there is, sorry about that! Have a nice day.

manager: Oh, you were actually right. It was (girl on bar) who messed up.

me: (internally) No shit, but it was still me who got shit on in front of all these customers.

———————————-

While I was in the middle of ringing a woman up, my manager started to work on something on the second register. The next customer in line assumed she was ringing and went to her. When my manager informed her she wasn’t actually ringing and that I would be with her in a second, she tried to cut the woman I was helping off and have me ring her stuff. When I told her I was in the middle of a transaction and would be with her shortly, she got super pissed.

———————————-

customer: Can I have an Americano with four pumps?

me: Four pumps of what?

customer: Coffee!

me: Do you mean four shots of espresso?

customer: Nevermind, four regular Americanos with no foam.

me: Americanos don’t have foam. They’re just espresso and water. Did you want a drink with milk?

customer: No foam!

me: Americanos never have foam. Foam comes from milk.

customer: Nevermind, just give me four drip coffees!

———————————-

customer: I want a trenta black tea. (sees me reaching for trenta iced cup) No, hot!

customer: Unfortunately, we don’t sell hot beverages in trenta size. The largest size I can give you is venti.

customer: (insanely rude) Pretty sure I said venti. Just get it.

———————————-

So this customer ordered a panini, and I saw the new guy doing warmings so I assumed he’d get it and went back to ringing my long line. It turns out he did not do this, which was kinda my fault for assuming he’d know to do that. The customer came back five minutes later to yell at me for his sandwich, so I apologized and put it in. While it was cooking, I started to help a couple. In the middle of my sentence, the original customer walked up and screamed “Yo! My sandwich!” The couple looked at me and said “You can just grab it, we’ll wait, That was so rude.” When I came back to them, they kept repeating how rude the first guy was and how sorry they felt for me. It was literally the first time anyone had been nice to me all day. I accidentally charged their venti drinks as grandes.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

———————————-

customer: Coffee!

me: What size?

customer: Regular!

me: Okay, one grande coffee-

customer: No, I want tall!

(Regular isn’t a size, but it sure as hell isn’t the small one)

———————————-

customer: (who is apparently enough of a regular for my coworkers to know her name) One large mint majesty tea. Oh, I want six honeys.

me: Okay, sure! (hands her drinks and honeys)

customer: (in the most entitled way possible) Oh no no no, you put those in for me, thank you! (with a nasty smirk)

(About a week later she came back in. My coworker put the tea bags in, and had me do the honeys. She came back and demanded to know who made her drink. Apparently she had spilled some on her hand and it hurt her. She didn’t want us to do anything about it, she just wanted us to know how mad she was. As soon as she left, I turned to my coworker and said “Wow, hot water is hot? Who knew!” I’d like to hope she won’t come back, but she works too nearby.)

———————————-

me: Hi, how are-

customer: Banana loaf. Yes warmed.

me: Okay, anything else for you?

customer: Do you have the new iced cappuccino?

me: You want an iced cappuccino?

customer: No, it’s this new thing where they make the foam cold. I had it at another Starbucks in (big city). You guys must not know about it yet. I’ll take a frappuccino.

me: Sure...

———————————-

I had a line out the door and a family ordered a bunch of drinks and a cheese danish. There was a bunch of warmings before theirs, and I wasn’t even getting them, so I went back to ringing. They shouted at me from across the store about their goddamn cheese danish.

———————————-

customer: Do you guys sell..um..cappuccinos? Do you know what I’m talking about?

me: (internally) THIS IS A GODDAMN COFFEE SHOP ARE YOU JOKING

———————————-

customer: Can I have a cinnamon delicioso?

me: Um, do you want one of our cinnamon dolce drinks?

customer: No, it’s a specific drink. I always get it at my Starbucks. It’s a latte.

me: And it’s not just our cinnamon dolce latte? Whats in it?

customer: Cinnamon dolce syrup in a latte...

me: (trying not to scream) Okay, how about I just get you a cinnamon dolce latte?

customer: Sure. (picks up gum pack from counter, notices it’s barely wet from when I wiped it down earlier) Oh my god, is this bleach?! (starts smelling back of gum pack).

me: No...it’s just water and sanitizer. We use it to clean. It’s perfectly safe.

One of the most wtf customers I’ve ever encountered...

———————————-

One morning I was trying to call out a sprouted grain bagel for David, and this woman at the end of the bar impatiently snatched the bag from my hand and marched away. Then came back because she ordered an everything bagel and I had “made it wrong”. No, her name was not David, in case you were wondering.

———————————-

customer: I’ll have the slow roasted ham and swiss with cheddar instead, cut in half, only slightly warmed-

me: Okay, I can not do like, a lot of that.

———————————-

customer: (makes big show of giving me a dollar tip) I’ll take those lattes fast.

———————————-

One day a customer saw I was on my lunch and in line for food. She still decided to ask me if we had more of a certain protein box in the back and asked me to go look for her. I figured it would only take a second so I did it. Then she asked for more. While I was running back and forth to get shit for her on my lunch, she let people take my place in line, so that when I was done. I had to wait a really long time.

———————————-

me: Okay, that’ll be $7.25 please.

customer: (shoves $10 bill in my face without deigning to make eye contact)

me: Okay, $2.75 is your change, have a good day!

customer: No dammit, I wanted you to put $10 on my card!

———————————-

I have a regular who frequently (and rudely) orders a trenta iced coffee, no ice, no sweetener. One day we were in the middle of getting more and she started yelling at us about her coffee. She also refuses to give her name because “no one esle is ordering this”.

———————————-

I had a customer drop $200 on Starbucks cards like it was nothing. Meanwhile, I’m stressed about paying for my classes...

———————————-

customer: I’ll take a Pike’s refill.

me: Okay, I’ll be right back with that!

customer: (when I came back) It was supposed to be half caff!

———————————-

me: (hands off latte to customer)

customer: (rudely) This is too much ice

me: (looking at latte that I definitely made with light ice, as specified on the mobile order ticket) You want less ice than this?

customer: Well I asked for it, didn��t I?

me: Okay, let me remake that for you!

(I had literally just gotten onto the bar, and we were super busy. Also, as someone who always asks for light ice, and doesn’t always get it, I think this is stupid. If your drink is actually wrong, I get it. But having me remake the entire beverage because you want less ice in it is so stupid. And while I was waiting for the shots to pull, I started working on other drinks. This little teenage nightmare did not seem happy about that.)

———————————-

I had a customer, after the transaction was over, suddenly grab the tip jar and yank it really fast to the edge of the counter. It happened super quickly and I panicked, thinking she was stealing it and going to run. Then she went, “You should leave this here, so everyone can see and tip you!”

Girl... wtf... you don’t just grab people’s tip jars like that...

———————————-

My coworker and I also literally watched a guy grab two bags of coffee and try to walk out with them.

———————————-

I was in the middle of helping a customer when I saw coffee on the floor. Thinking someone had spilled, I looked a little closer... to see the woman had intentionally dumped it everywhere and was aggressively punching the cup. Turns out she’s banned from our location and I just didn’t know.

———————————-

I had a customer (who has been super rude to my coworkers before) come in while I was wiping down the door at night (and he yanked open the one I was cleaning, not the other one, and smirked at me) right before close. He then did not leave no matter how many warnings we gave, and finally, when it was a minute and a half til close and he was the only one left, we informed him he had to leave. He glared daggers at us, worked a little bit longer, and finally got the hell out.

———————————-

A customer walked in during 8 am peak and asked for a coffee traveler. I told him it’d be a bit of a wait (as I assumed any grown ass adult would know) and he said he needed it fast. Then asked for 8 venti coffees. We were brewing more and said it’d be about 4 minutes. He said “If I get less than 8 can I get it in less than 4 minutes? I’m in a hurry.” We told him no so he stuck to the 8.

Homie had less than 5 minutes to spare and wanted an entire goddamn traveler. Dumbass.

———————————-

I wound up barring during a crazy rush, with my manager and district manager sitting two feet away. In the middle of this, I had to stop because this dumb mf ordered a cascara coconut milk latte and wanted me to blend it, hoping it would come out like a frappuccino. I told him that wouldn’t work, and if he wanted one like that he could order a coffee frappuccino with cascara syrup and coconut milk. He told me he was ordering it for a friend who liked coconut and caramel, and he needed me to “help him out”. So I begrudgingly made him a coconut milk caramel frappuccino (which I don’t think he paid for, even though that is a more expensive drink). Then, after holding up my line, tells me when I give it to him that he wants a bunch more whipped cream and drizzle. Like, you fucker. I’m so backed up because of you.

———————————-

customer: I want a mocha with no coffee.. a hot chocolate, actually. Almond milk

me: Okay, do you want the whipped cream and mocha drizzle?

customer: No, I hate coffee!

me: Mocha... is chocolate. There’s no coffee in mocha drizzle...

———————————-

So we all know those customers that order two shots over ice in a grande cup with pumps of vanilla (or whatever), and go to the condiment bar to give themselves a cheap latte. Well today, a woman who mobile ordered and did exactly that then walked up to my register and asked for whipped cream to be added, because she wanted her “lattes” with whipped cream (like I couldn’t see on the sticker that they were iced espressos). You know you’re cheating the system, do you have to rub it in my face? Ugh.

———————————-

I had a customer walk up while on the phone, order one thing, and then resume shouting into his phone and pacing in front of my register. When I tried to tell him his total, he said “I also want a (whatever).” This continued on repeat for five minutes. He’d order one thing, shout into his phone (even other customers from across the store looked annoyed), add one more thing when I told him his total, talk more on the phone, add another thing, etc. He also kept saying “sorry beautiful” as if that made up for it, and at the end said “god bless you beautiful!” and walked away. He tipped 15 cents.

———————————-

I also experienced for the first time a customer who talked on the phone and stuck her finger in my face when I tried to ask her what she wanted. I’m not kidding. She did it three times. Stuck her nasty ass finger right in my fucking space. She’s lucky she still has that finger.

———————————-

The other day we were crazy busy (the day I almost started crying on the floor). I’m talking one person on register, one person on bar, not enough time to even brew more coffee or get warmings. Eventually customer support came back from lunch and helped save the day. Still, we were like, running out of cups, coffee, lids, literally jumping over spills and trash bags because we didn’t have time to clean up busy. My manager and ASM sat in the back this entire time.

[susan-gampre]

Not Paid Enough For This Shit

Response to this.

It was no brothel. It was something akin to that of its sister business, owned by the same Madam of the Sisters in Sin, but not quite as lawless as the main business.

It was a shop. Full of oddities and potions, a legitimate business that still earned the ire of those holier than thou but all around legal.

The lively jive of the entire shop was thumping with a casual flow of customers – In and out, a constant, overlapping ching of a bell overhead sure to send any good man straight to insanity if it didn’t drone into a white noise as quickly as the silly squeals and giggles of childish women and men had.

However, as the day drew on and night had begun to send the villagers of Goldshire to their places of rest, the shop workers had begun to stir from their sleepy hazes to acknowledge the strangely attractive plucks of strings, their eyes meeting cautiously across the shop floors in that of questioning.

Of course, no one immediately acknowledged it… Not until minutes passed and the melody resumed undisturbed.

@thefirstperished

“Is Johnny playing in the back again?” came the whispered words of a curious mouse of a woman, her untidy locks ruffled and wild, spilling down her broad shoulders whilst her crooked nose stuck in the air whilst lifting to her tippy toes. In the effort to look toward the back of the shop as best her short stature would allow, her full weight leaning heavily into the broom gripped between her petite hands in the effort to get a good look.

“Is Johnny–?”

The man sat behind the counter would sputter and scowl, his smooshed face twisting into a grimace whilst his flat lips pucker, “Fuck if Johnny’s getting sucked off with them glory holes, making use of our wall sucker tentacles or strummin’ his lil’ banjo, Charisse! We’ve got a fuckin’ job to be getting done, yeah? Get that merchandise down below… We’ve got a new shipment of ‘Priestess Bullets for Her’ due tonight, gotta get them on the emptied shelves for tomorrow… Let’s get all the boxed up shit down below to storage–…”

The younger woman set her full lips together into a firm line, gaze flickering to inspect the boxes of which were being gestured toward by the robust man behind the counter. She sets aside the broom, making way closer to inspect their contents– And much to her amusement she’d be met with the distinct curved and bumpy design of the flop of this month’s design: The Rough Mogu. 

Distinct designs of the carved, titan forged stone beings matched the soft, rubber of the sex toy. Engraved into the metal base was famed words of the Thunder King, Lei Shen, himself: “To be mogu is to rule. It is why we were created.”

Forty boxes of matching toys filled the inner of the container-- the container which a very unwilling Charisse would bend down at the waist and lift into her arms by the use of her back. She was quick to it, as her supervisor’s unwavering stare assured her this was a task she was to complete without whining or hesitation.

What brought about her dismay wasn’t necessarily the work that was demanded of her, but where this work forced her to go towards – The storage of which her supervisor demanded she go toward to away with the unwanted merchandise was the cellar beneath the shop. It was a travel through the darkness which sent her skin crawling and heart shuddering with anticipation, gripped by fear more often than she was willing to admit. And it was the whispers on the wind that frightened and stirred her so– The unheard murmurs that made her hair stand to attention along the back of her neck.

Noticeably, she regretted to acknowledge, the sound of plucked guitar strings got louder the closer she came to the cellar door– And with a sudden breath of courage she recalled the sooner she put this box in storage the sooner she could get the absolute fuck away. She threw the door open wide enough to fit herself and the box of toys into the entrance, timidly and shakily climbing down the steps one at a time, her simple brown eyes squinting in an effort to adjust to the dim lighting.

Somewhere in the middle of the staircase would the girl mutter to herself, quite bitter in tone, clinging desperately to the box, “I do not get paid enough for this shit…”

At a final couple of steps she’d shudder and begin to descend further, her voice as unsteady as she felt: “L-Look here, w-whoever you are… This is the property of… M-Madam Susan Gampre, a-and she doesn’t take kindly to trespassers! She’s got a mean ole tiger she’ll set on you if you don’t e-evacuate the premises immediately–!”

With this she threw the box down, beginning to peer and review every inch of the room, trying to make out what was natural and what wasn’t… Every little shadow or noise sending her heart to her throat, choking herself on her own angst – slowly beginning to back up toward the stairs leading to the surface.

“T-… That’s if you wanna leave, of course, b-but I’d have to tell her you’re down here, can’t be… S-Storing away just no body… Could be bad for business i-if a guard comes snoopin'... U-Unless you are a ghost, then I just ask of yah to not eat me–!”

[lulabo]

I discovered recently that, while I was aware of the cancellation of Selfie before the winter of my discontent in 2014, my hospitalization that winter meant I missed the last handful of episodes and was, indeed, unaware of their very existence in the universe. This means that last month, while wondering why ABC would deprive me of many more seasons of Eliza and Henry sharing deep and meaningful eye contact, I discovered new episodes I had not seen before! And thus did I lament afresh the cancellation of this show and the courtship of these two characters. (This post has been in my drafts so long that I was still pissed about the Beach Body phenomenon on my fb feed.)

So, fuck you ABC! Here is a catalog of things I would have wished to see in a 13 episode season 2.

201 “Giving Off Sparks”: I don’t know how Tinder works, and neither does Henry Higgs! For sociological reasons, Henry needs to be on the dating app where rejection is a mere swipe from acceptance. Reluctant to engage Eliza as his adviser, he instead turns to Charmonique. Eliza’s new look intrigues her colleagues but may be negatively impacting her sales.

202 “VIPs Don’t Get YIPs”: Terrence, killing it in the customer service department, wonders if he might find sales more of a challenge. He turns to Eliza, top! sales! rep! of KinderKare Pharma, though he discovers her on the edge of a crisis of confidence. Saperstein and Henry take the opportunity to observe their top! rep! in action.

203 “Now We’re Here”: Having seen Eliza at work and what her earning potential is, Henry tries to help her find alternate avenues of income to supplement her commissions and curtail her debt, leading them to explore the Beach Body world of Facebook.

204 “Take Your Kevin to Work Day”: Charmonique’s son’s school is closed due to cafeteria e.coli and comes to work with her. Hijinks ensue, primarily as a way to allow the cast to once again dance to k-pop or perform meaningful karaoke (in costume, for David Harewood).

205 “Two Bar Far”: She’s VIP, bitches: Henry and Eliza are invited to Rancho de Saperstein, but this time, Eliza’s asked to bring her plus one–Freddy! Henry’s romantic jealousy begins to get the better of him, and he and Eliza share a tense and loaded moment in the rain.

206 “Henry Digs Mario Andretti (Baby Baby)”: Eliza has to get to the birth of her niece or nephew despite having her license suspended just as Henry’s breaking in his new hybrid. Julie Hagerty guests as Eliza and Bethany’s mom Mary.

207 “Pickering”: Henry’s college roommate, Colonel Pickering, arrives for a surprise visit. He and Eliza get on like a house on fire and it makes Henry bonkers, mostly because Eliza asks a lot of questions about what Henry was like when he was younger. Pickering, having an “oh god I’m in a settled relationship what have I done” panic before his 40th birthday realizes that life with his live-in bf is actually way more awesome than pining for something he’ll never have, Henry, unless you make a move on how you feel. Guest starring Karl Urban as Colonel (Yes That’s His First Name) Pickering.

208 “Jump Back Hack” KinderKare’s email system has been hacked! The office is flooded with private, personal, and unprofessional missives sent far and wide. Joan becomes victim of a meme that is, retroactively, Eliza’s fault from her days BH (Before Henry(’s Tutelage)). As petty fights and hurt feelings fester among the ensemble, Eliza does her best to undo the damage and cheer everyone up, most likely ending the episode with a group singalong of Tiny Dancer.

209, “Do It for the Trope” Henry entreats Eliza to accompany him to a birthday party for former-almost-girlfriend, now engaged to a former-sorta-business rival from his days before KinderKare. Masquerading as his totes smart trophy GF, barely-concealed romantic tensions flare throughout the evening. When Henry escorts Eliza to her door, Freddy just inside, she reveals Freddy has asked her to move in with him.

210, “Thanks Schmanks” Colonel Pickering invites Henry to his yearly potluck Thanksgiving. When Henry arrives (classic jello mold in hand), he’s surprised to find that not only has Colonel invited Eliza and Freddy, he’s asked Henry’s siblings (guest stars Julia Cho and Ki Hong Lee) as well. Henry drowns his anxiety, which goes about as well as expected.

211, “She’ll Try to Teach the Things I Taught Her” Henry, blistering from having behaved so badly at Thanksgiving, decides to take a few of the million vacation days he’s accrued in the last several years. Eliza, unsettled by Henry behaving so badly at Thanksgiving, decides she needs a project and sets her sights on mentoring a junior sales associate she discovers sobbing in the bathroom, having been horribly dumped by her married boyfriend. She texts Henry that she’s got her own little Eliza (named, actually, Becca) to remake in her image, but no amount of stern and grammatically correct warnings prepares her for Becca hitting on Freddy. (Sample line: “Tai may have been way harsh to call Cher a virgin who can’t drive, but in the end, they were total BFFs.”)

212, “He’s the Nultimate” Freddy, desperate to get Eliza to forgive him for letting Becca kiss him, quickly runs through his limited arsenal of ideas and turns to Henry for help. Even Freddy can see that Henry’s suggestions indicate a level of interest in Eliza that is not strictly coworker/colleague, or even friend/friend, and he demands to know the extent of their involvement. When Eliza admits there once was a spark, Freddy asks her to make up her mind with an ultimatum: move in with me or break it off, this middle place is stressing the hair right off his head.

213, “It’s a Swift Song” Eliza’s been staying with Charmonique, who will not give her advice on who to choose, especially when she hasn’t told Henry there’s a choice to be made. Kevin, hanging out at Charmonique’s desk, inadvertently slips the truth to Henry that Eliza is deep in a three day cleanse to clear her mind and bare her soul before she chooses Freddy or Henry. Henry calls Eliza and leaves a message (which, who does that anymore, Henry) that is cryptic yet slightly romantic. Eliza, meanwhile, is drowning her sorrows in Pinkberry (because cleanses make her hangry) when it starts to pour. Coincidence! In walks Henry, needing a respite from the rain! He unthinkingly tells her he thought she was on a cleanse, then is forced to admit he knows about the ultimatum. Eliza bolts, and after a fraction of a second of hesitation, Henry follows her into the street. There they stand, soaked to the bone, making insanely intense eye contact, until Henry seizes the moment, and Eliza, and and the season ends with them kissing in the rain.

IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK ABC

[tonystarktogo]

I'm a sucker for tattoo shop AUs (Deep in the Heart of Me is my favorite fic EVER), and I can imagine Tony being the manager of a famous shop, and accepting stray artists that want to find a job and are poor/homeless/lost (among which Bucky, Clint and Nat), and just giving them a goal, a home and a future and ARG

Thank you for reminding me of the beauty that is tattoo AUs!!!! I can’t believe I forgot about this to be honest, I used to adore them in almost every fandom, but I haven’t thought of them in ages until I got your ask! I’m unfamiliar with the fic you’ve mentioned–I don’t read a lot of Stony–but I think I’ll give it a try! But for now, let’s get back to this AU.

I really like the idea of Tony being this crazy, loveable owner of a tattoo shop who hires very questionable people under ridiculous circumstances because he’s insane like that. I also headcanon that said questionable people are very protective of their smol boss because of it.

“What the fuck do you want from me?” the stranger snarls disturbingly animalistic.

“Uhm.” Tony stares at the knife—a real knife and definitely not one for the kitchen—and scruffles a tiny step backwards. Backs against a wall before he has the chance to bring a little more distance between himself and Stranger With Knife.

Damn those walls and the stupid people that build them.

He’s going to die here, alone, in an abandoned backstreet. Where nobody will find his body until they’ll have to hold the funeral with a closed coffin. If they’ll ever find his body.

There’s probably a life lesson in here, about how you’re not supposed to follow unknown men a head taller than you and double your weight in muscles into an abandoned backstreet for one. But Tony’s attention is too fixated on the knife to care much about unimportant details like that.

For once, he hysterically thinks, Rhodey won’t be able to scold me for my messed up priorities.

“I won’t ask again!” the man hisses dangerously. He’s got shaggy hair that could do with a cut and a wash, and his eyes flicker with the same restlessness that drew Tony to him initially.

And fine, he probably shouldn’t have followed the guy. He can see how this could be considered “creepy” by people less fluent in Tony-speak than Pepper or Rhodey. Natasha will undoubtedly slap him—gently, because she’s secretly a poisonous snake who’s adopted Tony as this weird, bumbling kitten that will not get killed by anyone but her—for this later. You know, if there is a later.

“I was wondering if you want to work for me,” Tony blurts out because he can’t think of anything else to say. Also because it’s true.

“I’m not fuckin’ work for hire!” the man growls. “I don’t do that shit anymore, so either back the fuck off or I’ll make sure you won’t need anything anymore!”

Alright. Tony decidedly isn’t going to ask what the guy’s going on about. Nope. Absolutely not. That would just be too stupid, even for him.

“What are you talking about?” he asks and promptly wants to knock himself out. At least that might improve his chances to not talk himself into an early death. Clint will not be impressed if he misses is 8 o’clock appointment tomorrow and he has to cover for Tony—neither will the customer. Clint isn’t useful for anything before eleven in the morning.

The man’s eyes—they’re a cold blue that would look a lot prettier if they weren’t levelling a glacial glare at Tony right now—narrow even further, the knife itching ever so slightly closer towards Tony, and nope, not a fan of that development at all.

“Look,” Tony decides to try and deescalate the situation, “You don’t have to answer that. Actually, please don’t answer that, because this sounds too much like one of those I’d tell you but then I’d have to kill you thingies and Natty would not be pleased if you did. You know, kill me. Unless you tell her I called her Natty again. For some reason she really doesn’t like that? But what do I know, women are weird,” he muses with a shrug.

“Right, I was trying to make a point. See, you could just wave your knife around and possibly- probably kill me, which would really suck. Cause I’m not a big fan of being dead before my liver gives out on me and you don’t look like you’ve got another jacket, and blood is a bitch to get out.” Not that it would be much of a loss, with the oversized, worn down thing the man’s wearing. It looks like it’s being held together by stubbornness and nothing else.

He might have said that last part out loud as well, if the guy’s twitch is anything to go by. Tony can’t decide whether that’s a good thing or not.

“Or,” he hastily continues, “you could listen to my gracious proposal, accept it with genuine appreciation and enthusiasm and in two years we’ll both laugh about this moment.” He finishes with a bright smile and a happy clap. Screw Natasha and Pepper, he can be reasonable and mature. He’s not the one waving a butcher knife around after all.

Said knife is slowly lowered by the stranger who tilts his head to one side in a show curiosity. He seems—amused, almost. Or maybe that’s Tony’s screwed perception of reality talking. Clint’s mentioned he has a problem at one point, something about seeing a ravaging monster and cooing over it and wanting to pet it. Which is nonsense, Tony doesn’t want to pet anything. Except maybe the guy’s hair, once it’s been properly cleaned. And that’s not his fault, it looks like it could be fluffy.

“I’m listening,” he drawls, almost like he’s humouring Tony. The joke’s on him though, because Tony is used to being humoured.

“Do you know Stark Tower? What a stupid question, of course you do, but just in case you don’t, it’s the best tattoo studio in the entire country, trust me on that, and it happens to also belong to me. You’d look great with a couple of tattoos by the way, really help round off that assassin-gone-rough vibe you’ve got there, and I’d totally do them for free or maybe not free. Pepper says I’m not supposed to give people things all the time, but you wouldn’t tell on me, right?”

“Anyways, I saw this,” Tony lifts the crumbled paper he’s rescued from the garbage at the café he’s first noticed Mr Tall, Dark and Knifey—and hadn’t that led to a fun conversation with the waitress—and waves it around as if to stress his point, “and you’ve got some real talent with the abstract design there, because this is amazing and I’d want it as a tattoo, wich says something, my taste is fantastic. Also I’m missing a designer because that asshole Wade keeps running off to do one thing or another and I’m not allowed to hire Peter until he’s legal.”

The guy stares at him in bemusement while Tony tries to catch his breath. Admittedly not an uncommon reaction.

“You’re offering me a job?” he asks after a moment in disbelief—and damn, this guy is catching on to Tony-speak real quick, he’s the right choice all right.

“Yup,” Tony nods. He’s thought he’s been fairly obvious.

“You’ve been following me for two subway stations, three bus stops and a couple of dozen street corners to offer me a job because you saw something I’d scribbled down at a café,” the man repeats incredulous.

Tony shrugs. “I didn’t know how to talk to you. Clint says I come on too strong usually.”

“And you thought stalking me would make me feel more at ease?”

“Well, no.” Tony frowns. “Maybe? I wasn’t—but doesn’t prolonged exposure get you used to someone?”

“Prolonged- never mind,” the guy shakes his head. “You’re crazy.”

A pause, then, “I don’t need a job.”

Tony scoffs. “Have you looked at yourself lately?” he asks, mulls over his words for a moment when the man tenses. “Alright, that might have come across as offensive but seriously. I don’t care if you need a job or not, it’s yours if you want it. Just show up sometime next week and tell Natty I hired you and if Clint is there please throw your knife at him, he’s an ass and screams like a banshee.” Tony searches his pockets for a moment before he finds one of his, admittedly worse for wear, business cards and offers it to Mr Death By Blade.

“You’re crazy,” the man states again, but he takes the card.

“Get used to it,” Tony smiles is sunniest smile because take that Clint, he can hire new staff without getting anyone killed.

*

“Have you ever even held a tattoo gun in your life? It’s not a real gun, for fuck’s sake! Tony!” Clint is heard screaming in exasperation through the studio a couple of days later. “What the fuck where you thinking when you hired Bucky?!”

Tony doesn’t look up from where he’s carefully drawing the worlds’ prettiest butterfly onto a young woman’s shoulder when he yells back, “Who the hell is Bucky?!”

*

[Bonus: “You’re taking all this surprisingly well,” Bucky comments at one point.

Clint shrugs. Takes a look at one of the designs over the newbie’s shoulder.

“Tony’s as fucked in the head as they come, but he’s a freaking genius at finding the best. If he’s hired you than that’s what you are. He wouldn’t settle for anything less.”

A moment of thoughtful silence follows, before.

“In three weeks, I’m gonna tell you how he hired Tasha.”

“Why in three weeks?”

“Studio rule. If you’ve made it three weeks without killing anyone, you’re part of the team.”

“Inside the studio or in general?”

“…you’re gonna fit right in.”]

I think I’m having way too much fun with this…

[themavendesk]

Post 108

The bus driver made an X with his arms signaling that the bus was no longer running even though it was 5 minutes before they stopped running. Ellen (she goes by Ellie now apparently but I prefer Ellen) said there was another bus coming but it wasn’t as cold tonight as it has been, so I decided to walk instead and I thought about today and this trip.

I met this woman today who reminded me a lot of the American woman in Paris--less crazy and more put together but same deal. She was about my sister’s age, living in New York although she wasn’t from there. I was insanely hungover, so I got on the wrong bus and we laughed about it and got to talking and spent the whole day together. It was weird because she was so much older and she gave me advice about some things but mostly we just talked and it felt like I had known her forever. It’s like all of a sudden I just felt at home and it was only until the end that I realized I hadn’t even gotten her name. We parted ways and she said she would message me about getting together tonight, which she didn’t but that made it more special I think.

Anyway, I met up with this girl from high school instead (Ellen/Ellie) who was very different and at first we drudged through the normal painful small talk but eventually we moved to a coffeeshop and just talked about random things for hours until the place closed and the lingering jet lag crept up again. Quick tangent--I’ve been starting to feel unnervingly introverted lately. Not in the homebody way but in the private deferential way. I’ve felt weirdly stifled, like I can’t share anything with anyone unless prompted to and conversations feel easier when people just talk about their lives the whole time and I chime in occasionally. It’s actually made me feel really lonely. Like I can’t talk to anyone even though its completely self-imposed which makes it somewhat worse. But anyway I didn’t feel that today at all. I just talked about anything and everything as if I’ve been bottling it all up and just vomited it all out at once. It’s like I had been shutting myself off to the world and all of a sudden I just let it all go and realized how happy I was and how fucking beautiful this city is. 

If you asked me two days ago I would’ve told you I was disheartened. That after a year of intense research and an additional year and a half trying and failing to learn the language, it wasn’t what I had expected at all. The tourist sites were minimal and disappointing. I was irritated with a couple friends who also happened to go for their spring break and one of them was being a particular asshole in the he-probably-likes-you-but-doesn’t-know-how-to-be-an-actual-man-and-emote-real-feelings-so-he-chooses-to-treat-you-like-comlete-shit-instead way. The language was also frustrating and everything was inconvenient. But for whatever reason today it clicked as I walked home. Something about the culture or the atmosphere or the customs made sense and suddenly I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to forget my stuff and all the people back at home and just stay here. I wanted to enjoy all the little things you don’t enjoy as a tourist. I wanted to memorize the subway stations and learn the language better and listen to the music and cut my hair weird. It’s like waking up from a daze when you finally get that one priceless moment of clarity. 

The bus never came, which I only realized as I got back to the AirBnb. And honestly thank god it didn't.

N

[ecotone99]

[SF] Devil In Disguise

Devil In Disguise

“Almost nobody dances sober, unless they happen to be insane.” — H.P. Lovecraft

​

“Mark!” the young barista yelled, suddenly breaking him from his daze. He was tall. He was dressed in his day-off wear: blue jeans, a white collared shirt, and a navy blue blazer. He casually approached the counter, meeting the gaze of the young, pale face looking back at him, which possessed the perfect smile of a high school yearbook photo and the tired, staring eyes of someone twice her age. He took the drink from her hand.

Mark took his coffee to a table, feeling the warmth of the cup on the inside of his hand. As he brought the cup to his lips to take a sip, he stopped dead in his tracks. I never look in the cup, he thought. Does anybody?

He looked to his fellow customers, watching each of them accept their drinks one after the other, sipping them in sequence and slipping out the door. No one looks. No idea what horrors could be lurking just beyond this thin layer of plastic. He gripped the lip of the lid, lifting it from the mouth of the cup as a billow of steam floated up into his face.

Nothing. But it’s the pursuit that makes a man, he thought to himself with a smile.

As he began to bring the lid back down to the cup, his eye was caught by the sudden appearance of a floating black form, bullet-like in shape. The smile fell off of his face.

He poked it with his finger. It moved.

Jesus. Where are those spoons? He grabbed one and lifted the lump from his drink. He dumped it onto the lid, which he now had lying flat on the table.

Teeth clenched, he poked it again, this time with the back end of the spoon. The mass moved again and sprawled out before his eyes, revealing a black octopus, about one inch in length.

Its tentacles began swaying lazily as they met the air for the first time. Its glassy yellow eyes began opening and closing slowly, trying to adjust to the stale, warm air of the coffee shop. The channels it breathed through began pumping out black coffee as the octopus tried to gain its breath.

“Ho-lee shit.”

Mark’s palms began to sweat. He swallowed hard, suppressing a gag. He ran a hand through his dark, messily gelled-back hair. He popped the lid back on the cup, dropping the octopus back into the drink, and made for the door.

He walked quickly down the sidewalk, holding the cup at arm’s length. Jesus Christ. This is the grossest goddamn thing I’ve ever fucking seen.

He would’ve said something to the owner. He would’ve taken the no-good sonofabitch out back and asked him why he found a fucking octopus in his fucking coffee. Instead of that, he did nothing. Right now, what he wanted more than beating the owner of the coffee shop to a pulp, was a cigarette. He felt all out of sorts, a knot in his stomach. His head was starting to pound again. He looked up, squinting into the sun. That goddamn sun.

The sun was out in full force that day, on what would be called the hottest day in New York City. Until the following day, or the one after that, in what would be known, at the time, as Gotham’s hottest summer.

Mark was a lawyer, and, as he might tell you, a damn good one. Before he became the notorious rookie at his firm that put away Dr. Macabre, the serial killer named such by a frenzied newscaster, he worked as a public defender for the state of New York, and was far and away the most adept of his colleagues.

He was walking down sixth avenue that day with an animal in his coffee instead of doing the job he did so well because his boss, Mike McGill, insisted that he take a few days off to help focus on breaking his smoking habit, which he practiced like it was going out of style.

Mark’s wife, Sophie, was a nurse. She was helping him quit. She had long, black hair, which she got from her father, who was a Cuban immigrant that escaped Castro using only his wit, a plastic tarp, and the kindness of strangers.

Sophie was there for Mark through everything, and he for her. She was his person; the one he’d promised to love until they died in front of their parents and the Man Upstairs himself. They did everything together, save for weeks like this one, when he was working in the day and she at night.

I’m a professional, she said to him with a smile. I know all the twists and turns. She told him that headaches, among other things, were a common symptom of the nicotine withdrawal he’d face. She also said he might become depressed or irritable or insomniac, which Mark already had a pension for. If you start to get overwhelmed, she had said to him calmly as they lie in bed the night before, just take a few steps back and cool down. This is all gonna be temporary.

Right now he was more annoyed that she was right than he was at his aching head.

He continued quickly down the sidewalk.

Just down the street, Mark knew there was an exotic pet store, which was called Green River Reptiles.

He stepped into the store, the bell at the top of the doorframe jingling excitedly.

The small store was empty, save for the low-playing classic rock tunes that filled the dead air and the owner acting as cashier: a stocky, aging man by the name of Charles Finch. He was dressed how he was on any other day: white socks with work boots, a light blue short-sleeved collared shirt, and cargo shorts held up by a belt with a genuine Vietnam War veterans’ buckle.

Without looking up from his copy of The Times, Finch gave his signature unenthusiastic: “Welcome to the Green River. Anything I can help you with today?”

He didn’t get many buyers, especially not at noon on a Thursday. Something about snakes and lizards and fish seemed to repel the tourists and city-dwellers to which he was attempting to cater. Mark approached the counter, quickly stepping across the small store’s black tile floor.

“All right, look. This has been a pretty strange morning so I’ll cut right to it: I found… something in my coffee this morning. I was wondering if there’s anything you could tell me about it.” He extended the cup to Finch, who popped off the lid and looked inside. All he saw was a cup of black coffee.

“Yeah?”

“Give it a second,” Mark replied, not taking his eyes from the cup.

After a moment, the octopus lazily bobbed to the coffee’s surface, its black, bulbous head breaking the surface of the drink.

Finch took his readers from the breast pocket of his shirt and rested them on the tip of his nose to get a closer look. “What is it?”

“I was hoping you could tell me. I poked it before and…” Mark paused for just a moment, trying to carefully select the right words. “I can’t even describe it.”

“Huh,” Finch said, looking at Mark with a raised brow.

Finch picked up an empty fish tank from behind the register and carefully placed it on the counter, pouring the contents of the cup into it and standing from his chair.

“I’ve got a hose in the back.”

He shuffled to the back room, leaving Mark alone to stare into the coffee-filled tank.

Five bucks down the drain.

Finch returned with a full watering can in hand and poured it into the tank of coffee.

“It’s still pretty murky in there but it’ll be a bit easier to see.”

The two men stared at the tank in silence as Elton John’s “Crocodile Rock” played low over the store’s speakers. Mark wondered if Finch had it playing in the store on purpose.

Suddenly, the little octopus stuck all of its tentacles to the front of the tank, startling them both.

“Well, he sure is a playful little one!” Finch remarked. He began flipping through a book of sea creatures, saying that he’s never seen this breed of octopus before, and if it is real it’s definitely not from around here.

“How much for the tank?”

“Usually it’s fifty but I’ll knock ‘er down to forty since this is the aquatic equivalent of an unplanned pregnancy. You want to look around at some of the tank decorations I have knockin’ around back there? Might make for a good conversation piece.”

“Sounds great,” Mark said flatly.

After nearly fifteen minutes of careful deliberation, Mark settled on a small pirate ship, a fake piece of coral, a pack of fake seaweed, and some light blue gravel to create some contrast with his new eight-armed companion.

At the counter, Mark reached into his back pocket for his wallet. With it, he felt the sting of cold metal. His fingers ran across his Zippo lighter, which he meant to leave in his desk drawer.

He pulled it out and stared at it, his eyes wide as it lay flat in his hand. The lighter was all black with a simplistic gold design of the Eye of Providence.

“Smoker?” Finch asked.

Mark swallowed hard. “Trying to quit. Started today.”

“I quit when I got back from the army. Caught a bullet in my side in ‘Nam. New Year’s Day of nineteen-seventy. Hard to forget. Promised myself a cigarette if I survived. Promised God I’d quit after if he didn’t kill me yet. Kid, if I could quit, you can too.

“A good system for quittin’ cold-turkey is a distraction. And fish, I reckon, are the best distraction there is.”

Mark looked Finch in the eyes, thoughtfully.

“Thanks.”

Mark paid for his things.

“Good luck!” Finch said as Mark left his store.

Mark went back up the sidewalk the way he came, the supplies tucked under his arms.

Hopefully Soph will like it. He still hadn’t told his wife.

***

Arriving home with his latest purchases, Mark set everything down on the kitchen table in his apartment. All in all, the setup process took him about two hours: setting the tank on the dresser in the guest room, remembering that the tank needs water, filling it at the sink and realizing that he can’t pick up a full fish tank, and settling for walking back and forth between the bedroom and the kitchen, filling it one glassful at a time. After this, he poured in the gravel, carefully arranged the coral, seaweed, and pirate ship, and lastly, dumped in the octopus.

***

Ten twenty-seven p.m., according to the cable box, the world’s most accurate source of the time. Mark sat on the couch, watching the ballgame on T.V. as he bounced his foot nervously. The need for a smoke was like a burning itch in the center of his brain. After the third inning, he picked the remote up from the small table beside the couch and killed the T.V.

Mark decided that sleep was the only thing now that could keep him from temptation. It would still be around three hours until Sophie got home from the hospital.

He turned off the lights as he walked to the bedroom, taking one last look at the fish tank before heading to bed. The little octopus was hidden away, invisible under the white-blue light. Maybe she’ll like it.

Lights out.

He had no dreams.

***

Mark woke with a start from his three hours of fitful sleep. He heard… something. It was loud and grating. Almost… talking? Definitely not English. Or is it? He began sleepily stepping through the apartment, looking out the windows, into the hall, trying to find the source of that sound. That sound!

“What is that goddamn sound?” he shouted to himself over the noise.

The only way he could describe it was a scream in reverse, which simultaneously made you feel like you were standing next to a jet engine and left your ears ringing in silence. He shuffled past the guest room, noticing the sound growing louder and louder and louder.

Mark flipped the lights on, sweat beading up on his forehead as his palms grew clammy. He stared at the fish tank.

“Jesus.”

The octopus, which was only an inch long that morning, now filled the tank. Its tentacles stretched across the front of the glass, slowly swirling and convulsing, splashing water from the tank onto the hardwood floor.

What is that noise?

The sound grew excruciatingly loud, pounding on the sides of Mark’s brain like it was a marching drummer’s bass drum at the sidelines of The Big Game. The octopus continued its deliberate movement, slowly growing larger. Its body began to crack the glass — the only thing standing between it and its prey.

The sound stopped.

“Step closer.”

Mark stared at the tank dumbly.

“Step closer,” the voice echoed.

He took a step, and in this mass of pulsating, unfeeling tentacles, he could sense only rage. The octopus reared back, drawing Mark forward for a closer look. With all of its strength, it pushed off of the back of the tank, exploding through the glass, gripping Mark’s face with its feelers and knocking him hard onto his back.

The sound was gone, and Mark could only hear heavy, labored breathing. He didn’t know if the breathing was his own.

He saw nothing before him. He felt as if he was losing control, as if his body and its movements were no longer his own. Beneath his closed eyelids, he saw only deep, vivid colors bleeding into one another. His thoughts ran wild, only to dissolve into nothing. All he heard was the alien tongue of the octopus that gripped his mind, which was now pulling his strings as a master puppeteer. All Mark could feel was an orgasmic euphoria through his whole body. In this prison, the beast made him feel free.

As Mark writhed on the floor of the guest room, the octopus sucking on his young, pale face, his pajama pants soaking up the tank water, the door swung open. It was Sophie, back from the graveyard shift. She saw what used to be her husband heaving on the floor.

The octopus’ eyes locked onto her, scrambling to its newfound feet. Mark’s body staggered clumsily toward her, a child taking its first steps. The monster’s feet were stuck with glass as it made its way across the room, letting Mark’s blood onto the floor.

Sophie stood still, gaping at the creature in front of her.

It got closer, Mark’s face covered by the tentacles which sucked the blood up to his skin. The monster put a strong hand over Sophie’s mouth and pushed her hard onto the floor.

“Mark?” she asked weakly.

The monster picked up a shard of glass that broke from the tank, which shattered into a perfect blade. It knelt down beside her and put the shard of glass to her throat. Tears began streaming down her face as she tried to register what she was seeing, trying to break free from the hot, wet grip of terror.

She could not.

The octopus stared at her with wide eyes, wrapped tightly around her husband’s head. The thing that she once loved shoved raised the shard up over its head, bringing it down furiously into Sophie’s throat.

Her eyes sprung open.

The monster stabbed her over and over and over, spraying a jet of blood across the apartment floor.

She didn’t have the time to scream.

Sophie’s body lay on the floor bleeding as the bloodsoaked monster rose to its feet. It stood over her indifferently, slowly blinking its glossy, mucous-covered eyes.

The monster stumbled through the apartment to the kitchen, gaining its footing. It began sloppily rummaging through the drawers and cabinets, settling on its treasure: a five-inch vegetable knife, made in China. It moved from the kitchen and slipped out the door, leaving a smear of blood on the doorframe and disappearing into the night.

​

The End

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