#unless she crosses it out
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i did the most awesome doodle ever on my test im actually shaking I want the page back
#I WAS PROUD OF IT#BUT THEN I REALIZED I WAS THE LAST PERSON TO HAND IT JN#I FELT BAD#SO I COULDNT TAKE A PHOYO#ILL UPDATE WHEN I GET IT BAVK#unless she crosses it out#she really doesnt like when I draw on my work#doodles#quiz doodles
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so instead of a border collie outside of my window, there is now a border collie grave outside of my window :|
#idk what happened i havent ran into the owners#she was there this morning#they made a cross with her name on it and everything and theres a little vase with cottongrass#she was... 6? ish?#maybe 7?#this is a working dog so im guessing accident unless that limp ive been seeing in active periods turned out to be something more serious
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#very curious to know you guys' thoughts!#wot#wot on prime#the wheel of time#mat cauthon#tuon paendrag#wot book spoilers#wot show spoilers#(potentially)#i'm going for 'yes instead of egeanin'#because a) i can't think of a strong reason to transport mat out of the waste plotline and into the tanchico one#unless it's to absorb ebou dar and have him cross paths with tuon#and b) if tuon is our main seanchan in the tanchico plotline then egeanin would become superfluous imo#i also think it'd make sense to get all the major characters introduced by the end of s3#so that they'll be ready to swing into the endgame no matter how many total seasons they end up getting#not to mention that tuon DESPERATELY needs to be introduced sooner than she was in the books#if she's to get any semblance of a satisfying and well-developed character arc
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IMOGEN KOL — the rogue inquisitor (x)
[template by @unholymilf]
tag list (ask to be added or removed!): @adelaidedrubman @florbelles @marivenah @simonxriley @shegetsburned @voidika @kyber-infinitygems @v0idbuggy @eloquentmoon @inafieldofdaisies @statichvm @socially-awkward-skeleton @aceghosts @carlosoliveiraa @risingsh0t @thedeadthree @cassietrn @jackiesarch @gwynbleidd @shellibisshe @loriane-elmuerto
#oc insp: Imogen Kol#new year same oc hyperfixation that I subject everyone to ✌️#the real question is will I ever get tired of making Imogen edits for every template that crosses my path? probably not any time soon#and yeah I’m linking her playlist again because I have not stopped listening to it and it completely overtook my wrapped#age is based off 0 BBY btw. if she makes it that far 😬 ha ha jk. unless doomed by the narrative?#anyway I feel like this looks a bit wack but it was like 12:30am when I finished it up and I stared at it too long so I’m yeeting it out ✨
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See, the thing about the Amy episode that makes Dean’s actions so reprehensible is not only the part where he doesn’t trust Sam and goes behind his back to kill Amy or even the hypocrisy of Dean ‘you can’t change what you are so you’re going to kill someone eventually’ Winchester sparing the kid right after stabbing his mom, it’s that Amy is very explicitly supposed to be a Sam parallel. There is no other way about it, from the they’re both freaks part of it to Dean dropping the line about ‘the other shoe’ right before he kills her, she is Sam, how Dean reacts to her is supposed to give us insight into how he feels about Sam. And Dean. kills her.
The not very subtle subtext being that Dean is ready to off Sam if he goes too far off the deep end? He’s aggressive and mistrustful of Sam at every turn in the episode, lays the feet of it all at Sam’s hallucinations maybe leading him astray, but end of the day, Sam’s crimes here are A) was tortured in Hell and B) is traumatized by that in a way that makes Dean’s life more difficult.
And it is hard to watch. To spend this whole episode with Sam being completely functional on his own, making a rational decision based on past experience and on all the information about Amy he has available, and for the episode to end with, ‘but yeah, if dean thinks sam goes too far, he’s probably gonna kill him. because sam can’t change or be fixed, so it’s for the good of everyone that he be put down.’
#and then of course there’s the issue of the subtext setting something up that gets no resolution like. there is no point where dean is ever#really going to be able to kill Sam. no matter how bad his hallucinations get. not even a mercy kill crosses his mind later that season#which means that the Amy episode gets rewritten later from ‘explicit Sam parallel’ to ‘well we can use this for Brother Drama™️’#god. god. and really what gets me about the Amy episode in general. like Thee Horrifying Part to me.#most of their hunts are very life or death. that’s how we get around the morality of it. either they kill the monster or it kills them.#Amy’s. not that. Dean tracks her down while she’s running and kills her while she’s asking him not to.#like if she had attacked him the scene would be totally different. but she doesn’t. she doesn’t even fight back. and he kills her.#like she has a kid and Dean is an unfriendly hunter in her motel room. it wouldn’t be out of the question for her to try to kill him#to protect herself and her kid. but she doesn’t. she doesn’t. I don’t know what you can take away from that except that she was telling#sam the truth about not wanting to be a murderer. if she won’t even try to kill Dean to protect herself.#there is no way to look at this episode that makes Dean come out looking good unless you’re willing to claim everything Amy said was a lie#AND that Dean would be right to kill Sam for *checks notes* Being Visibly Mentally Ill#fucked up. why’d they do this.#spn#dean winchester#sam winchester#amy pond#like to be clear if you’ve got a different view on this that’s. not the above thing I just said. please tell me.#because from where I’m standing Dean doesn’t come out of this clean in any way
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Secret Lovers AU???
Heyyy
I just wanted to know if you could write an AU where Thena and Gil have to keep their relationship a secret? In this AU I imagine that Arishem is Thena’s father, and he is very controlling. He keeps Thena in the house all day and has decided that on her 25th birthday she will be wed to Kro. Thena hates this
(Bc she’s already in love with Gilgamesh, Duh)
And she has to sneak out the house to see Gil.
So what do you think?
Tysm Byeeeee 🫶🏼🫶🏼🫶🏼
"Delivery!"
"Gil!" Thena rushed to the windows, opening them fully for him to climb in and onto her window bench. "I told you not to come tonight."
He just smiled at her, setting down his picnic basket and pulling down the hood of his jacket. "Yeah, but that's when I know you need me the most."
"I thought Father took the lattice down," she frowned as she helped him into her room.
"Yeah, but Karun did us a solid and left the ladder out for me," he chuckled, completely unbothered by her father's efforts to keep them apart. Not that he knew that Gil used it to sneak in. He thought Thena used it to sneak out.
If he knew Gil used it to sneak into her room at night, he would sooner burn down the whole estate.
Gil had been using it for years, though, even when they were just children, whispering about books on Thena's roof under the stars. He had scaled the wall lattice as a pre-teen just trying to get to know his rich and mysterious neighbour. As a teenager, working up the nerve to ask Thena if she'd ever had a boyfriend before. He had scaled that lattice and recited the speech he had memorised from Romeo and Juliet, just to get told that it wasn't exactly Shakespeare's most romantic, despite popular belief.
She had kissed him anyway, though.
"Hey," he smiled, leaning in and kissing her gently. He ran his hands down her arms, "I know you're scared."
She sighed, plunking her forehead onto Gil's chest, laughing when she felt the traces of leaves and bristles from the ivy leaves. "He won't give up on this 'Kro' business, you know. He's determined to marry me off to that monster."
"That won't happen, baby, I promise," Gil attempted to assuage her worries, rubbing her back over her satin robe.
She shook her head, "we got in another fight about it. That's why I told you not to come; if he gets even the slightest idea you're here, he'll have me shipped to the Antarctic."
Gil shrugged, holding her by the waist, "I'd still visit you. Wouldn't have to climb a lattice to do it, either."
She laughed, toying with the strings of his sweatshirt hood. "You shouldn't have to, though."
"I would anyway."
"Gil," Thena insisted, looking up at him, her in bare feet and him still wearing his heavy steel toed boots. "I mean it. I thought now that we were graduated he would have let this go, but-"
But Arishem had only pushed even harder for Thena to form an alliance with his chosen protege and CEO-to-be.
"What did he say?" Gil asked her softly, guiding her to sit with him on the plush window seat, where they'd spent some of the most important moments of their lives, by this point.
She sighed, wilting against Gil's side. "On my 25th birthday he'll announce our engagement to his associates and the whole world. And if I don't go through with it, he'll disown and ex-communicate me completely from the family."
Gil scowled, "that's a bit harsh, hon. I know your dad's a psycho, but we were pretty sure he wouldn't actually kick you out, right?"
She sighed even more heavily, her shoulders dragging down so far it hurt. "Apparently, I thought wrong."
"Oh, Thena," Gil made a sympathetic face, which was all it took for Thena to move closer, clinging to him. He held her just the way she liked. "I'm sorry."
Perhaps she hadn't been hoping that he would suddenly change his mind on things. But was it so foolish to think that he would want his daughter in his life in some way? And he still didn't know anything about her and Gil, and she intended to keep it that way for Gil's safety.
"I shouldn't be surprised," she conceded quietly as Gil pulled her into his lap. "Father has never hesitated to choose his work over me before. I just thought...I thought for once-!"
Gil kissed her temple, "I know, honey, it's okay."
Was it, though? Not that she had any intention of going through with marrying Kro, but her father was far more powerful than she cared to admit. Even if she didn't want to go into the same line of work, she wasn't sure there was any field of society where she could be guaranteed safety from him.
"Hey," Gil whispered again, tipping her chin back to him. "What do you wanna do?"
Thena sniffed, pressing her tears into his shirt and then shaking them off. "I'm not marrying that cretin."
"Great start, babe," he chuckled, and even got a smile for his efforts. He brushed the last of her tears away, "what else?"
Thena inhaled, trying to wrap her mind around things. "I have my own job prospects, although I'm afraid I wouldn't be surprised if Father was capable of rescinding those, given his influence. I might have to start over, maybe even...somewhere new."
This was her most dreaded reality.
They had always known her father would never let her so much as be alone in a room with him, even as children. It was against all odds they had managed to steal what time they did. They had faced being in different classes in school. They had faced Thena's extracurriculars and Gil getting a part time job to help support his family. They had faced her going into university and Gil starting trade school.
They had even faced her being entrapped into a date set up by Kro and her father.
"Okay, where would you want to go?" Gil asked gently. Despite his smiles and joking tones, he was serious. Because wherever she went, he would follow.
"Gil," she shook her head, new tears arising. "Your mom and Sersi are here, you can't move just because I'm getting thrown out."
"They know I'd go anywhere for you."
Thena smiled against his lips as he kissed her again. For all her father's efforts not to let any love into her life, she had been able to sneak Gil her heart, and he had kept it safe for her ever since.
"Really, Thena, you say the word and I'll pick you up, we can go to Mom's until we figure something out," he suggested with a shrug of his shoulders. His tone was light, but his hand on hers was solid. "You don't have to be scared of him, honey."
She rolled her eyes, "I'm not scared of Father, or Kro."
"That's my girl," he winked at her.
Her smile faded slowly, but it did eventually. She squeezed his hands, "But I am scared to not be with you, Gil. And if Father has me thrown out and cuts off all my accounts?--I struggle to think of how far I would have to go just to find a firm willing to let me intern."
Gil tilted his head at her, letting himself smile again. "You say that like you like being rich."
She rolled her eyes again. She hated when he called her 'rich'.
"You already don't use any of that money you have hidden away," Gil shrugged. It was him who had told her that if she took out a little at a time in cash and stashed it away that she could use it without him knowing about it. "So, take what you can and get outta here. He's gonna kick you out anyway so just...come with me."
Thena stared at his outstretched hand. How many times had she dreamed of this?--Gil offering to help her run away from her father and her gilded cage of a home. The delusional and romantic notion of running away with the boy she loved (now the man she loved).
"You're your own woman, Thena, you don't need his name, or his money, or anything!" Gil urged, eager to pull her spirits out of the pit he could see her spiralling into in real time. "I always knew you'd be a badass lawyer, whether he wanted you to or not!"
Oh, Father wanted her to be lawyer, but one that would make good money. He wanted her to be a corporate lawyer, or even a criminal defense. Not a divorce lawyer who worked pro-bonos all the time.
She shook her head, "I'm just done law school, Gil. I haven't even taken the bar, yet."
"Which you'll nail!" he shrugged like it was nothing at all. "I always knew you would, and your dad knows you will, too. That's why he wants you to marry that creep! Because you're too badass on your own and you could take him any day of the week."
"I do not want anything to do with either of them," she shook her head and pulled her robe tighter around herself. She looked around her room, immaculately cleaned for her, full of expensive clothes picked for her. It was a very personalised hotel room, as far as she was concerned. "I should pack."
"I'll help you."
"It's okay," she whispered, kissing his cheek. "You came for a date, not to help me uproot my life."
"Actually," he chuckled as she stood and went to her desk. "I came after you told me not to, because I knew my girlfriend needed me."
She attempted to contain her smile but couldn't. She loved it when he called her his girlfriend.
"And because I will always be right here, babe," he finished more softly, kissing her hair as she collected up what little of her possessions she actually cared about. "You wanna leave tonight, we'll go. We can go anywhere, do anything. I'll go downstairs and fight your dad bare handed if you want me to."
She gave Gil a dry look. He was big, and strong in every sense of the word, but her father was like an eldritch horror out of a fantasy book.
"Okay, fine," he conceded, pulling out the bag she'd used to sneak herself over to his house plenty of times before. "What else do you need?"
She shoved her work materials into the bag. Her textbooks she could access online, and it wasn't like she could keep them physically after the bar, anyway. She bundled up her laptop and phone charger. "Just the stuff in the top drawer."
Gil unceremoniously opened her dresser and shoved everything from the top shelf in. "We can get you new stuff, too. You know how mom loves to go shopping with you."
Thena smiled; Gil's family always felt more loving than even her most fond memories of her father. "Yes, she does."
"Cash?"
She turned and smiled. Gil had no discomfort with the idea that he was going into carpentry and contracting while she came from an ivory tower. As far as he was concerned, she could rob her father for all he was worth and then be happy to sneak cheap snacks into a movie for a date. "Underwear drawer."
"Ooh!"
"Gilgamesh," she drawled, needing to remind him to grab what was necessary, and not whatever of hers was his favourite.
"Feels kind of exciting, right?" he grinned at her as she zipped the main section of the bag closed, including the cash that could keep her comfortable while she was literally finding her footing. "Like we're running away together?"
"Well," she raised her brows at him as she grabbed her hairbrush, "we are, aren't we?"
"Always said we would," he whispered before kissing her again. "You wanna put something else on or go like this?"
"And climb down that ladder in this?" she scoffed, gesturing to her silky little night dress, "no."
"Aw," Gil faked pouting before laughing, "I'd carry you down if you wanted me to."
"I know you would," she answered from her walk-in closet. She truly wouldn't miss anything from in here. Anything of hers that she liked and Gil liked was in that top dresser drawer, for all the other times she had left in the night like this.
Karun had helped them many, many times before.
"Okay," Gil smiled as she stepped out in a perfectly normal looking white sundress. "Ready?"
"Ready," she nodded, her resolve continuing to firm up with everything they packed. She looked up, "what?"
Gil shook his head, setting the bag down, "you look beautiful."
How she loved him. Thena smiled down at her feet shyly before slipping on the sandals she kept hidden in here. They were her only decent walking shoes. "Okay, let's go."
"Hey, you need one more thing."
"What?" Thena blinked, going over everything they'd packed. She had been planning this escape in the back of her mind for years, she was absolutely certain she wasn't forgetting anything. She looked at Gil.
He smiled at her, equal parts terror and excitement. His hands were shaky as he reached into his pocket and knelt down in front of her. He pulled out the ring box, gulping. "You'll need this."
#Thenamesh AU#I hope you like it my dearest#I know how patiently you've waited#I loved this idea so much#so star crossed lovers I can't stand it#it's giving childhood friends#it's giving friends to lovers#it's giving soulmates#young Thena meets young Gil because he snuck into her yard to pick from the apple tree by her house#Father says not to talk to strangers but he's so sweet#and she's never been allowed to have a friend ever#unless Father picked them#she and Gil like adventure books and books about stars#she's never been allowed to meet a real boy before#and they're inseparable#They become teens and Gil finds out he likes girls and oopsie he's deeply in love with his best friend#he continues to sneak over and he starts to wonder if she likes him too#he memorises that whole speech and Thena is like that play is really depressing and gross and weird#but she loved it anyway#and she kisses him half out of her window under a full moon#everything Gil's ever given her is either already hidden away#or she makes him keep it at his house so her father doens't find and take it#did someone say elopement? I thought I heard elopement#I really do hope you like it darling!
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i love being an age regressor ૮ᴖﻌᴖა ♡ tonight it feels very affirming and comforting. I've kind of always had to look out for myself and be my biggest supporter, and there are a lot of strange ways this feels like a second chilhood at times.
like i regress to being younger, but I'm also a girl now in a completely different place with completely different circumstances/social circles etc. yk?
but when i feel rly small and my reality feels so big, it makes me happy that older me is there for me to make the important decisions and guide us there :3 it's like i am holding my hand through this, i haven't had an adult rly look out for me like this and it's so nice to have one now!!
i don't have to be scared of big changes, I'm doing good and I'm here for me and i can take it easy. i have someone who is helping me ♡ i have someone who is keeping me safe. they work hard so i can be little ^.^ thanks big sis hehe ✌🏾
ouggghh im not little anymore but (。ノω\。) ♡ yeah. when i am little i can still like.. function as an adult n talk to ppl n stuff. but it's also like, well like i said before ig 0:
like im smaller but different‚ subtly. still me‚ but someone else since I'm like.. a teen?? that i never was. my childhood was nothing like my adulthood so this rly is a whole new thing little me has needed to learn 2 navigate emotionally/mentally.
but as i become more aware of when I'm in a little headspace and not, the difference in perception stands out to me a lot more. i can't articulate it very well... oughh. this is giving me very specific questions, but on that note — i am happy to feel so safe and looked out for when I'm little 😌💕 i used to feel scared and helpless but it's different now. we're doing this together 👩🏽🤝👩🏾 i got ya lil sis
#sometimes I'm a teen sometimes I'm like 6ish??#the latter is rare but hm ૮ – ﻌ–ა when I'm little older me is still aware and can handle talking to ppl and getting the sentiment across n#whatnot. i don't know off the top of my head how different teen me and younger me are from each other 0: or how similar we all are#but bc older me is always aware like we all have my memories and experiences yk? and my littles r just Here and they come n go randomly#i am curious about these headspaces..#oh ? i went into the younger headspace rn (❁´◡`❁) ♡ it is pretty different.#very docile (。ノω\。) not a lot of thoughts just like. vague feelings. she laid on my big plushie n got comfies and drifted away though#idk...... i like.. invited other parts of myself 2 come say hey 2 me and make their presence known#(。・ω・。)ノ so i can take better care of n be more responsible for us since it's not just me yk?#and like teen me is kinda bratty and angsty lol but also such a hoe 💀 i love her akskaka girl..#she's such a daddy's girl low-key?? I've never had a dad or wanted one before lol.. she a lil boycrazy 🙈💕#i mean.. so am i but she's taking it to new heights lol!! 😭 it's interesting what wires get crossed n new connections I'm making these days#but like. they're both p different from me at both their respective ages and just compared to when I'm not regressed.#the teen one's been harder to pin down just bc i kinda go in n out of that one a lot but it's been going on a lot longer than i realize#so like.. i just naturally made space for me to be that way without knowing?? but now when i regress I'm like hey what up ✌🏾😏#ms ma'am's here to vibe for a bit. maybe look at some cute boys‚ maybe talk some shit‚ flirt a little who knows 💀#she's kind of a hoodrat like i was ill give her that lmao 😹 she's fun#she's also a lovergirl who rly cares about our friends just like me ʕ ꈍᴥꈍʔ ♡ i think on a surface lvl u wouldn't know the difference#between us unless u hung out around me a lot‚ but it's cute to think about ^.^#u are hanging out with us 👩🏽🤝👩🏾💕 we r having fun and appreciate u
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did a bunch of research today about living gluten-free while sharing a kitchen with someone who isn't and am preemptively exhausted at the idea of talking about this with Mom and how much pushback I'm going to get (who already, the day I told her about the celiac diagnosis, went "that's only really an issue if it's very severe, and of course yours isn't" as if I haven't been in miserable pain for the past 8 months)
#and the gi doc said it'd be 6-8 weeks before seeing any relief in said pain IF i follow all precautions#so i would like to. at least START OUT doing so in order to reach any kind of baseline#from which we can test how much cross-contamination is an issue#and once i've started that way it makes more sense to me just to not do the tests (and be in more pain)#but mom is not gonna like. uh. any of the stuff the doc or my research recommended#she has our very tiny kitchen arranged perfectly to maximize space use and fit her preferences#and i'm going to have no choice but to disrupt that badly#(unless she also goes gluten-free but there is absolutely zero percent chance of that happening)#yes i would like some cheese with my whine
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hell on earth i was about to go to bed n then i started thinking about don seeing conny during the escape the same way emma and ray saw norman and now im insane
#skye's ramblings#yah this is the wall that makes you see your dead loved ones. dont even worry about it man#we dont see the escape scene from dons perspective you cant prove he didnt. is all im saying#itd likely be more akin to normans little smile at emma rather than his whole conversation w ray bc don doesnt really#-have a moment where he's like. distanced from everyone else like ray was?#icould see her giving him some sweet words of encouragement on the other side of the chasm before anyone else crosses#him apologizing for not being able to save her...... i thiunk i need to be put down#alternatively i like him getting a nervous just before crossing and feeling a tug on his shirt n she just gives him a little smile.. yeah#i do think conny was a big reason don wanted to go first. hes not letting anyone else go unless he knows theyll be safe#the symbolism of overcoming his insecurities n being more confident. you cant protect her ever again but you can protect everyone else. hng#maaannnn im ill!!!!!!! society if i could draw out the little comic scenarios in. my brain#going to pass out now goot night. you love them so much
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the side effects of experiencing all this funeral stuff from this up close is honestly that im just starting to plan my own funeral in my head to entertain myself and it also kinda stopped me from being suicidal because i realised no one but me could do it right
#obv i cant kill myself now because that would completely destroy my mother but also because she'd give me catholic funeral#and that would honestly make me come back from the dead just so i could kms again#anyway the real ones will come to my funeral dressed in pink <3 and no open casket unless they really manage to make me look fabulous#i want rainbow flowers (with green carnations!) and i want it to be a met gala level fashion show dont yall dare wear boring black outfits#i want mozart to play and no catholic priests allowed. if a catholic priest tries to go near me all guests should get together to kill him#also saw a grave of some 16y/o girl apparently obsessed with h/arry p/otter today and as much as i hate HP it was AWESOME#she had a bunch of little funko pops figures there and even a hp candle#and there was obv a cross with jesus on it but he had that little ball with wings on a translucent thread tied to his hand lol#and there was also a framed picture of her and her friends goofing off and pointing their middle fingers at the camera and like. yeah#obv very sad but this is the kind of grave id like. obv not with fucking hp 💀 but i feel so fucking uncomfortable with the thought#that people might come to my grave and be all solemn and cry and make a big deal out of it like plz ffs dont#i mean obv i wouldnt be uncomfortable cause id be. well. dead. but if my funeral is boring and/or catholic then fuck this im just not dying
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Its really funny to think about how Rhys Williams is 13s favorite type of man.
If she had interacted with the modern day torchwood crew it would be like
Friendship ended with Jack, Rhys is my new best friend
#rhys williams#thirteenth doctor#doctor who#torchwood#yes im sad theres like no fanworks about crossing over the current day folks but at least we got potd#sad sad sad that jack wont find out about andy being a companion too#unless they recast his ass lmao#also 13 is enough like 8 she would probably still have that weird tension with andy
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“ugh why couldn’t nishiki see that reina was Right There and would’ve made such a good girlfriend–” he’s gay, susan
#easy explanation. next#don’t say a word about yumi. that whole thing smells like comp het to me and you can’t tell me otherwise#not in MY house#my personal self indulgent hc is that reina is a close friend to him because he goes to Serena alot and gets drunk and when he’s drunk he’s.#like. basically a white girl drunk when left to his own devices and ends up crying and spilling all his secrets and emotions and etc and#reina has inevitably learned a LOT about him through that not even really by choice#most relevantly; that he’s got a Lot of repressed gay angst going on in his fucked up little brain#has never mentioned legitimate or deep feelings for any girls before and it doesn’t even seem to cross his mind to do so unless it’s called#out. mostly just ends up lamenting about the complicated feelings he developed over god knows how long for his best friend#that he’ll probably never act on because he’s probably straight and probably sees him in a more familial light and blah blah blah#whether or not reina has feelings for him is up in the air but either way she figures out real quick that oh man. this guy. needs someone#to vent to and make sure he doesn’t drink himself to death or do something stupid when he’s in one of his Lament Spirals#and well. may as well be her#yeah. anyway. I got sorta sidetracked here point is I think that boy’s trying to do comp het but Failing#that’s my take#nishiki#rambling
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Me: Yeah. I’m really just in the mood to bite something right now.
Therapist: Like what? Like something hard..? or soft..? Or..?
Me: Idk. I would bite my arm so hard right now if that was socially acceptable
Therapist: …
Therapist: Hear me out. Have you considered a dog toy?
Me: WHAT????? LMAOOOOO??? NO???
Me: …
Me: (okay. Maybe. yes.)
#sillyposting#the thought HAS crossed my mind#but no I don’t think I’m gonna get a dog chew toy for myself. haha unless#god bless her she’s trying so hard to understand and I respect her for that#I had already told her about chewllry before this and how I don’t like it so she didn’t just jump straight to dog toys or anything LMAO#I left that part out for brevity’s sake#this is so funny to me sorry I just had to share
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#is there an opposite of manic where your brain just decides to go rouge? like im too tired and miserable to be manic im running on fumes#but im angry so deeply fuckin angry and disrespected and if one more cis person talks over me im going for their jugular#like it doesnt feel like mania but im planning to smoke as soon as i get home have a couple shots and shave my head#which all sounds like things i do when manic but its all being decided on with a level headed deliberation#after which i may go rogue and not bother waiting for my doc to say yes or not to T because she wants my endocrinologist's input#and while said endo is nice and educated on thyroid care shes not great on trans stuff so frankly i dont want her input#unless its backed up with medical journals and precedent and i plan to express that as gracefully as i can#but im also very close to just going rouge tonight too many fuckers are crossing the line with me this week and either#theyre taking up my space in the world and talking over me cutting me off drowning me out or theyre acting like im not there at all#and I'm this fuckin close
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I'm literally always ready to help people like i just don't know how to say no but this is like the first time ever i believe I'm able to stand up and not say yes (bec i didn't exactly say no either lol ) when someone told me to do something for them. and now this is where the issue is i was 'TOLD' not asked but TOLD to do someone's work. like i understand you need help but you should ask if I'm okay with it idk why i find it disrespectful and so so frustrating when someone just kind of gives you orders to do their work like UM ??
#i HATE being told what to do especially if i have to help someone#look im more than ready to go out of my way to help someone when they need help but you could ask me if im okay ofc i wouldn't say no😭#i have been feeling like crap lately#about it#i feel so mean#for context: a classmate whi is new and needs help w studies (which is okay) has been super clingy and like straight up TELLING me to-#-do things for her instead of asking#and when i said i don't think ill be able to do it since I've been down w fever for the last 4 days and have my own classwork to catch up-#-with she was like do it so i can submit my work do it so i can submit it early#like im willing to help atleast sense my discomfort??? 😭#also in class when i am clearly showing that i don't need anyone to sit next to me bec i can get very uncomfortable when someone's-#crossing my personal bubble and i don't like being touched unless im comfortable with that person#and im like clearly wanting to stay by myself and EVERYONE takes a hint BUT her 😭😭#she forcefully makes me sit witj her 😭#just UGH#and now i wanna cry bec i tried saying no for yhe first time and failed lmfao#im so pathetic
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something abt realizing you're listening to someone sing for the last time really hits in an awful way
#so there's this girl who's a year above me and to say that she's good at singing is an understatement. if the goddess of song#herself were to appear in front of me or anyone who's ever heard a note come from her mouth and asked which one was more talented the only#appropriate answer would be that the goddess pales in comparison. i first heard her voice at the auditions for our middle school musical in#the sixth grade and i've been in shock and awe ever since. it's in the name of her voice that i decided i wanted to learn how to write musi#bc i cannot sing but wanted nothing more than some sort of reason to stand next to her. and by some twist of fate. i took music theory last#semester and guess who ended up sitting directly next to me. and who i also said no more than maybe 5-10 words to the entire time. . whoops#in my (and her) defense. it's not like she's unapproachable or anything. she's one of the genuinely kindest people i've ever encountered bu#the problem is. it's a music theory class. i was the only one in it not affiliated w the music department. and everyone in it had known eac#other for 4-7 years. even my like. actual friend in the class was ignoring me a lil (he wasn't he was just hanging out w his closer friends#and so i kept to myself the entire semester bc i didn't want to feel like i was intruding on anything + am terminally shy#(like. to the point where i get physically ill bc of it)#flash forward to today in ap world w our song parody project. our teacher was showing past examples from previous classes and guess who too#the class last year. and ofc. you Do Not get [name redacted] working on a project w/out having her sing for you#her group made a stalin-themed mr sandman parody and our teacher paused the video halfway through and it was my own personal 9/11#bc there's no good reason for our paths to ever cross again. unless she becomes some celebrity. which i have no doubt she could if merit wa#the only factor at play there. i will never hear her voice again and i'm not sure what i'm going to do abt that.#romeo.txt
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