#unless i go for t or surgery
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gggggggg
#i spent so long being wilfully misunderstood about my gender that im just terrified to come out to anyone now#i see so much ''there's no wrong way to be trans'' on here and still feel like im not enough#unless i go for t or surgery#i don't want those.... or do i? do i feel sick thinking about hrt because i secretly really do want to try it?#also having an indescribable gender i think means you can't really advertise who you're available to#how am i supposed to be on the market? lesbians shouldn't want me cause I'm not a woman - straight girls won't bc im afab....#im positively terrified of pregnancy so that rules out cis men and trans women....#god#i don't feel allowed to date or fuck. ever. lmfao. I'm disgusting#im the one fucking freak who doesn't fall into anyone's categories of ''compatible''#just watch I'll find some cute girl and she ''won't swing that way''. WHAT WAY??? hahaaaaaaa#I'm screwed forever#also I'm 30 which basically means I'm gross and off limits lol#SO glad i spent my entire youth in a depressing miserable relationship and now that I'm able to live#I'm at an age where it's just embarrassing.
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Yoyok except it’s me a grown adult in my classroom by myself because the rest of my toddler teachers are :)
#(obviously I won’t be alone but the people I’m regularly with??? nope)#well! LETS SEE!!!#well there’s K and she just had emergency surgery so she’s out of toddlers until next month at least#and then there’s KS who my mom does NOT want me working with unless her or my boss are in there#and then T!! T has decided she doesn’t work Fridays anymore and is instead going deer hunting !!! YAY!!#and who does that leave?? me :) and who gets sick extremely easily and we just so happen to have strep in the classroom? me :)
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🫧
#i only feel comfortable sleeping alternating on my left and right side#i mostly sleep on my left side since i have acid reflux issues#but lately.. like the past 2 years i've have so many physical issues that have forced me to sleep on my back T-T#knee pain back pain acute neck pain gallbladder disease post surgery etc etc#and now i suddenly have a weird pain in my shoulder/neck#so anytime i even try to shift to left or right that pain goes WEWOWOEOWOWOOEOWOWOEO#so now im forced to sleep on my back again and i hate it#i just dont feel comfortable#i do have sensory issues and like it might sound silly#but unless i am on my left or right side i dont *feel* safe or comfortable and cant relax into my body#it is what it is im just starting to go crazy :)
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Ghhhhhhh
#it went fine they found nothing but i wish they did so i could have an explanation#but i just know theyre gonna be shitty about it and demand i get the internal scan even tho ive explained so many times i physically cannot#and they refuse to accommodate for it bc its not usual and tell me to go to a specialist clinic i have to book myslef and#with no info if they even will accommodate me its just the gp would rather i went anywhere away from them with my shitty broken trans body#and auggggghhhhhhhhhh ive been trying for month to book an appointment at the clinic for something else already and i havent been able to#why can't i just get my t and top surgery and be left alone unless i ask#crouch speaks#its not like they actually give a shit about my levels they just want something to point at to prove my body is too shit for them to care#aawgga i just want to curl up and sleep forever#at least the nurses were nice and didnt push abt internal when i said no
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Last year I wrote about what happened at Pride when a couple of kids didn't understand why us older folx were so bitter about Reagan.
This year, I have something a little softer.
Someone who looked a little older than me came up to the booth wearing a pink t-shirt proclaiming him one of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, San Francisco chapter. As I was ringing him up, I asked if he'd been involved for a while.
"Yes," he said, "for a bit," in that way us middle-aged people do when we're sort of wincing and feeling old.
"Okay, well," I said, sitting at my register in my queer booth full of queer clothes and patches and pins, topless in public for the first time. (I had pasties on for my own comfort bc I was working, but I live in the city of the Naked Bike Ride, and I took full advantage). My baby brother and both of my partners ran around behind me, my brother wearing a loose tank top that makes his scars visible.
"I need to tell you that you all helped keep me alive."
He blinked at me as I continued, "I was a kid in high school in the early 90s. I lived in the middle of nowhere in Pennsylvania, and what you all were doing was so loud and so out there that even I heard about your work. It was one of the things that kept me alive. So thank you, and please thank the rest of the Sisters."
I heard about them through people in my parents' church complaining about them, and then I sought more information through the beginning of the internet, through newspapers, through anything I could find. I found the cover of Newsweek that one of the Sisters was on. I read about their "exorcism" of fundamentalist preachers whose books sat on the shelf in my parents' basement and probably still do. I saw how loud and colorful and unapologetically queer they were.
The knowledge that someone was out there, so full of defiant joy, refusing the shame that people kept trying to put on them? Oh, that kept me alive. I saw them, and I knew I could make it through. I wrapped my hands around that knowledge, and I held on so tight.
It took me a long time - a long, long time - to unwind most of it for myself and get to the point where my fat butch ass was sitting bare-chested in the July breeze, looking up at him as he held out his arms and said "you're actually giving me chills." I answered, "I mean every word. You helped keep me alive. So thank you."
I never know what to say when people come up to me in public and tell me that I helped them or changed their life in some way. I appreciate it, and I genuinely love the people who apologized for "fanpersoning" at me last weekend, I just never know what to say. I'm incredibly grateful that the Sister I spoke to was incredibly gracious, saying "usually we give blessings, but I feel like you blessed me." Another member of the party let me pet their tiny dog, who was not very interested in me, and that's okay. It was an overwhelming day. Then, they moved on.
Me? I'm still sitting with the fact that I looked last weekend into the faces of people who didn't know they were holding my head above water, and that I got to tell them the work they do matters. It's a rare thing to get to tell someone, "You saved me," and I'm treasuring it.
Last weekend, I wore my new battle vest with nothing underneath it, unless it was too hot, and then I just sat in my chair, chatting and ringing ppl out with my skin free to the air. I decided last year that top surgery isn't for me, but that also I'm going to love this body unapologetically, and it's no less a transmasculine body because the soft new dark hair on my belly isn't accompanied by pink scars along my ribs.
I didn't get here on my own. I got here because someone else cut through the undergrowth ahead of me so I could take another step forward. Here I am, decades later, still taking step after step, one at a time, and trying to lay paving stones behind me.
Last weekend was another step along that way, another step through unwinding the fear and shame and sadness that my parents and their church built into me. Another step out of hating myself for hiding parts of myself for so long, for acting out in other ways to distract people from my queerness, for feeling so much guilt when other people tell me I'm brave, because I know how much of myself I hid for how long because I was a coward, because I was afraid.
Another step into expiating stigmatic guilt.
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in ovid's metamorphoses he describes an argument between jupiter and juno where they debate whether men or women experience more sexual pleasure. jupiter says women do; juno says men do. obviously this is a weird fucked up they-ought-to-be-divorced sort of couple dynamic but anyway then they bring in tiresias, a man who apparently was once transformed into a woman and then back into a man seven years later, to be the judge. tiresias says women have more fun during sex and juno takes away his eyesight for disagreeing with her and then jupiter gives him the gift of prophecy to compensate. but that's just one person's opinion. so:
no see results. if you're not trans/haven't gone on hormones/don't have sex come back in a week. i also am not on hormones and will not be answering or seeing the results until the poll is over. (if you used to be on hormones and aren't anymore feel free to answer for how you felt while you were on hormones.)
feel free to put any nuances in the replies or reblogs or tags--but also no one is obligated to share details of their transition unless they want to and feel comfortable doing so.
disclaimer also that i personally do not equate a person's hormones or sex characteristics with their gender identity--i use "man" and "woman" for tiresias because it's the language ovid uses but of course gender is way more nuanced than that. i use "transmasc" and "transfem" as umbrella terms but recognize that they might not apply to everyone.
my hypothesis is that people who choose to go on hormones/have surgery will have more sexual pleasure on hormones/after surgery because they are having an experience that better aligns with their gender. and please don't feel like you need to separate out the physical experience from the emotional--both physical and emotional pleasure are relevant to whether or not an orgasm is good.
uhh and i promise no gods will blind you as a result of this poll.
#mod felix#oh also i know there are a lot of different types of bottom surgeries etc but i can't specify every single one in a tumblr poll#ALSO ALSO i should say this is by no means meant to represent every possibility it is just a list of common circumstances#i assume if you were doing a real study you would do it very differently but this is a passing curiosity turned into a tumblr poll
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I Wish I Could Live Again - YJH
Pairing : Ghost!Jeonghan X Female Reader
Genre : Smut, supernatural, a bit of humour and sadness, strangers-to-something.
W.C : 3K+
Warnings : Dom!Jeonghan, kind of sub!Reader, making out, fingering, oral(both receiving), unprotected sex (be wise), rough sex, cuddling (this needs a heads-up too, right?)
NSFW
MINORS DO NOT INTERACT
(I'd appreciate it if you could check it out too 👇)
Work hasn't really been easy these past few weeks. Fortunately, we've been granted two major projects from two of the most sought after companies of the decade but the deadlines are nearing and me being the substitute for our department's head for the time being since he's on a leave due to his surgery isn't really very efficient.
But it's not just about work; I've been exhausted for a while now with nowhere or no one to seek comfort in.
After a long day, I ran myself a much needed bath. I put on a pair of navy blue cotton shorts and before I could grab my t-shirt to put it on, I felt a presence around me.
You know how you get a hunch when there's someone else in the room with you? But here's the issue; I live alone and it's literally around midnight right now. A shiver ran down my spine and I tried to gulp down the lump in my throat before mustering the courage to turn around.
I screamed at the sight in front of me followed by my hands instinctively covering my bosoms. A guy leaning on the wall while biting his nail nonchalantly. He seemed taken aback and checked himself as if he was supposed to be invisible.
"You can see me?", he asked with a little furrow between his brows.
"Of course I can, you thief", I said fidgeting to get my t-shirt with one hand while the other covered my chest.
"What? I'm not-...and it's not something I haven't seen before", he said gesturing towards my boobies with his head.
I hurriedly put my t-shirt on and grabbed the showpiece that was nearby.
"I'm calling the cops", I threatened him with the flower vase.
"Go ahead. Tell them that the ghost in your apartment has become visible out of thin air", he said sliding his hands inside his pockets.
"G-Ghost?", I muttered.
"Yes", he said as if it's something very normal.
"What do you mean?", now I was confused.
"That I'm the spirit trapped in this apartment. I don't know how or why you can see me right now but it has never happened before", he stated, trying to figure it out as his eyes averted to floor.
I tried to chant any holy verse that I could remember but then the guy looked at me as if I was doing something utterly offensive.
"Relax, woman. You've been living with me for about a year and a half now. I'm not gonna eat you now, unless you want me to eat you out", he said with a little smirk.
"What do you mean we-we've been living together?", colours were about to drain away from my body and the horror was visible in my eyes. The guy seemed to find it amusing.
He took three tentative steps towards me and I felt my legs backing away on its own accord. "Like I said, I'm bound to this apartment and I can see everything that goes on in here. I've seen you change, though I've been late to most but I've seen you take showers", he took two more steps, "I've seen you touch yourself", two more steps and he was right in front of me while my back was pressed onto my closet, "and I've seen you faking your orgasm when you brought that one night stand of yours", he lowered his voice as he said the last part leaning a bit near my ear.
All the fears that I had, flew away just like that.
"You perverted asshole", I gasped.
"Oh as if you wouldn't have watched me if the roles were reversed. I literally live here 24/7, what else do you expect me to do?"
"I don't know, maybe go to another room when I was clearly having some private moments?", I crossed my arms.
"Well, you always ended up in the places I was already in"
"I didn't know about your existence until now so how was I supposed to know that you were there? You should've moved away", I huffed, "What else have you seen?".
He made an expression of thinking before he spoke, "I've seen you taking a call in the middle of your little fingering session and then lying through your teeth".
"So basically all my intimate moments, you sexually starved perverted man", I said hitting him with the vase that I was still holding and he groaned.
He grabbed the vase from my hand and caged me against the closet with his hands on either side of me.
Author's Pov :
Y/N : "What are you doing?"
"I don't know how long you will be able to see me or how long I'll be able to hold you but if I don't do this now, I might regret this for eternity"
"Hm?", she forced it out of her throat and it sounded like a whisper.
"Let me feel you once, please", his face inched closer.
"Consider it just one of your one night stands if that makes it easier", his nose touched hers.
Something about him made her feel intoxicated. Like on autopilot, she raised her head up and her lips brushed his.
His right hand held the side of her neck as he pressed his lips on Y/N's and when he didn't find her pushing him away, he kissed her like he meant it. As she pulled away to breath, a small laugh escaped through her lips.
"What is it?", he asked.
Y/N : "You don't smell"
He : "Ouch, just because I'm dead, doesn't mean I smell"
Y/N : "You look cute when you whine"
"Do I?", he said as he picked her up by the back of her thighs and took her to the bed.
"Umhm", she nodded.
He put her on the mattress gently and brushed a stray strand of hair off her face.
"You're beautiful"
"Is it your way of getting inside my pants?"
"You're gonna let me do that anyway"
"Aren't you a bit too confident?"
"Maybe", he kissed her jaw and trailed it to her collarbones. She felt his teeth graze her skin but she could care less about the marks right now. His hands caressed her body and her clothes were piled up on the floor soon after.
He took one of her nipples in his mouth and bit on it lightly as his hand moulded the other all the while keeping his eyes on her face.
He kissed down to her belly to her inner thigh and before she could assess the hot electricity coursing through her body, his wet cavern licked her bundle of nerves. As he delved his tongue in her core, her back arched off the mattress and her fingers interlaced with his beautiful hair.
"Oh...god", she couldn't help but moan at his ministrations. He held her by the hips to keep her in place as his tongue did its magic. Her orgasm was on the verge of snapping when he thought now was the time to be a jerk and pull away. She tried to push his head back where she needed but he had the audacity to laugh at that moment.
"Trust the process", he said before kissing her lips. While their mouths melded together, she felt his hand near her womanhood before one of his fingers rubbed her slit. Once his digit was coated in her slick, he pushed it into her hole. After depriving her of her release, the intrusion felt delicious. Pumping it a few times, he added another one.
"Has no one been stretching this tight little cunt properly?"
As he pushed a third into her, she held onto his shoulders with a gasp. He pressed his forehead on hers, "Let it go for me", he curled his fingers, "Cum, angel".
As if on cue, the knot in her core untied and her vision almost went white by its intensity.
"This can't be faked, can it?", he showed his hand glistening in her arousal with a proud grin.
She sat up and he got on his knees.
"Your turn", she said as she held the end of his shirt to take it off.
He got off the bed and unbuckled his belt and unzipped his pants leaving him in his boxers. She wanted to take a moment to appreciate how divine he looked and then her eyes drifted to the bulge in his pants, "See something you like?", he quirked an eye brow.
"That needs to go", she pointed at his boxers and he just chuckled before taking it off too, releasing his dick out of its confines.
He's hard and the tip's swollen and red with beads of precum on it. She neared the edge of the bed and reached for his member. It felt heavy in her hand and she lowered her head to give it a lick. As she took the head in her warm mouth and began to suck on it, his hand went to her hair and grabbed a fistful of it. When she tried to fit in as much of him as she could until her gag reflex kicked in and tears accumulated in her eyes, his grip tightened around her hair as he groaned.
He let her set the pace and when she looked up at him, his head was thrown back, bottom lip caught between his teeth and his Adam's apple bobbed up and down.
The view made her want to suck him dry but her plans were sabotaged when he pulled her away and sprawled her back on the bed and hovered her.
Y/N's Pov :
"I wasn't done with you"
"I'm not done with you either", he said entwining my right hand with his and pressing it against the mattress.
His other hand guided his tip along my folds, covering it with my wetness before prodding the head in my core.
I looked down to where he was in me but he raised my chin up with his hand.
"Eyes here", he said and thrusted in when our gaze met.
He kissed me to ease the sting as he pushed it all the way in.
He pulled out a bit and pushed back in, my hand slid up from his chest to the back of his head and soon he picked up his pace.
His thrusts were deep, sweeping against my walls and kissing my cervix delectably that made my toes curl.
"Fuck, fuck, ah"
The lascivious moans and the lewd sounds that our bodies made, reverberated through the room.
The little coil at the pit of my belly was about to go delirious and my walls clenched around his length.
He : "Keep doing that and this will end a lot sooner"
I did it again intentionally and a smirk made its way to my lips when he groaned.
"Brat", he pulled his dick out making me whimper at the loss.
He turned me on my stomach and pulled my ass up before giving it a smack.
"Ah"
He did it again and the burn shot up through my body as he pushed his member back into me.
He plummeted in and out of my heat, the bed followed the rhythm and made noises.
"Oh shit, yes..... don't stop, I'm.....gonna cum", my impending orgasm was just a step away.
He pressed my face into the pillows while his other hand guided my hip.
The second one hit harder than the first and I felt light headed in my rapture as I held onto the bedsheets to try to stabilise myself.
He helped me ride out my orgasm and pulled out before turning me on my back again.
He pushed into me once more but this time a little hiss left my parted lips.
"Hold on for me, angel", he said as he began to impel me on his dick, my body moving up and down due to the force of his thrusts.
His hand squeezed my breast before making its way to my throat. The pressure wasn't painful but just enough to leave an effect. But as he neared his release, the grip tightened to the point of asphyxiating me.
I held onto his back and my nails dug onto his skin involuntarily.
The twitch of his length and the sinfully libidinous noises that he made, pushed me to my third orgasm that I didn't even know I had in me. He followed right after, spilling his load inside of me.
His grip around my neck loosened and he stilled after a few more thrusts.
His face nestled in the crook of my neck and he balanced some of his weight on his arms to not put it entirely on me. We remained like that for a bit, him resting on top of me as we caught our breaths.
He placed a kiss there before pushing himself off and out of me. As he helped me get up and get to the bathroom, a realisation hit me too late, "We did not use a condom-".
"And?"
"And you did not pull out"
"And?"
"What 'and'? I haven't been on any contraceptives lately"
He : "Are you hungry?"
"Relax, I can't get you pregnant. What are you gonna give birth to? Ghosts?", he asked sarcastically with a boyish grin and I hit him on the chest.
I stepped out of the bathroom when he walked into the room with a glass of water for me.
Y/N : "No, are you? I can make some pasta for you"
"I wish I could eat that", he laughed and my mouth formed an 'O' as I processed his words.
"But I can cook for you, I make really good stews", he added.
I lied on the bed and tapped on the spot beside me for him to join me.
As he did, I moved closer to him and he wrapped me in his arms.
"You'll not become invisible again, will you?", I asked.
"I don't know.......but even if I do, I'll still have to be here. You're stuck with me as long as you're in this apartment"
I nestled more into him.
".......Those weren't the only times I've watched you, Y/N", he spoke after a while, as if he was having some thoughts.
"I watched you cry alone because you were missing your dad (he's no more), I watched you lie to your mom about being okay when you had a fever, I watched you doubting yourself, I watched the tears roll down your cheeks when you saw a video online of an old man talking about how he has no one and I watched you work hard late into the night", I kept staring at his face as he continued looking elsewhere.
"You're a strong woman, Y/N. You're beautiful, kind and an amazing person. Please, never doubt yourself. I know my existence might not have any significance in your life but know that I'll always be here if you ever need someone to talk. I know I won't be able to tell you anything but I'll listen", I pressed my lips to his, kissing him as my tears threatened to cascade down my cheeks.
The night went on with me in his arms and I had the sleep that I haven't had in years. As the sunlight seeped in through the curtains of my window, I stirred in my slumber. But the absence of his embrace made me open my eyes.
He wasn't around.
I got up and checked the entire apartment before realising that he was gone.
He wasn't my hallucination, that much I'm affirmative about.
I can still feel his touch, I can still feel him.
I stood in front of the mirror and the marks on my skin are fresh and the sensation between my legs is perceptible enough for it to be just in my head.
I remember everything that he said and I'm sure he's somewhere around here, watching me.
I sat back on my bed and looked around.
"I know you're here.......thank you for everything you did and said last night. I wish I had talked and asked more about you. I don't know who you are but you'll always be a part of my life now. You made me feel more like home than I've ever felt. You made me happy, acknowledged...wanted...and I feel like as if I've known you forever. And you even gave me the best orgasms of my life-...why do I feel like you're smiling like a cocky bastard right now?"
Author's Pov :
"Because I am", he said.
He's here and he has been here this whole time. When she woke up, he was right there beside her but then he realised that she couldn't see or hear him anymore, he couldn't touch her anymore; everything was back to how it has been before.
"I don't know what happened to you or why you're stuck in here and I know I'm being selfish but please, be here and never leave me", she said and he could see her eyes glistening. He wanted to reach out to her but he knows he can't.
"I'll always be here"
"Watch me shower, eat, cry or touch myself but just be here. And please...be visible again", the warm tears rolled down her cheeks.
"I didn't even know you existed 12 hours ago but now I feel so attached to you. What kind of sorcery have you done on me?"
"Oh my god", she gasped suddenly and he looked at her with concern, "I don't even know your name", and more tears rolled down.
He couldn't help but smile at that.
"It's Jeonghan", he said.
"Next time, we're gonna talk more, you're gonna make me stews, we can even watch movies and then we can have sex", she said the last part almost inaudibly but Jeonghan heard.
Jeonghan : "If there is a next time, we will"
"I'm gonna go get freshened up now, you stay here", she said with narrowed eyes making him chuckle.
"Yes, princess", Jeonghan bowed her way.
She stopped in front of the bathroom door and turned around.
"Within the span of a few hours, you made me feel the warmth that I've been searching for", she said with a smile before heading in.
"And you made me wish I could live again"
Author : It's something I thought of posting before the month ends. Let me know your thoughts on it.
#seventeen#seventeen smut#yoon jeonghan#jeonghan#jeonghan smut#jeonghan hard hours#svt smut#jeonghan x reader#kjsasha
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Debunking Nonsense Against Jared
There's apparently some crap about Jared that is just absolute nonsense. Full of lies and bullshit.
It'd be one thing if people just didn't like him. It happens. Not everyone is likeable. You're not expected to like him. But don't pull up lies to explain why you don't like him. Especially when they've been debunked again and again and again.
1. The "racist" tattoo. Y'all, this is nonsense. It's been debunked over and over and over. It's not a racist tattoo. For one, it's lacking the logo of "Come and take it", which would make it a racist tattoo. But a lone star above a cannon does not a racist tattoo make.
Jared is a proud Texan. He also donates to many a charity and organization that help people, speaking out about them often. Not to mention, prior to pro-gun rights appropriating the symbol and logo, it stood for a proud history in Texas. Jared would've known.
So how about instead of focusing on a mere tattoo, come up with more proof that Jared is a racist? Hmm?
Besides, if you're mad at Jared's tattoo, are you then mad at Jensen's t-shirt, which did show the saying as well?
2. Fighting with fans online. Oh come on. Misha's done it. (Misha's done worse, in fact.) Danneel's done it. Jared doing it does not a bad person make. And I don't think he's done it in a long time.
And of course, people will go "Danneel was hitting back!" And? What's the difference? Jared was hitting back too. Danneel went a step farther most of the time, siccing her followers on them, threatening them with Clif, even ran crying to Clif because people were being "mean".
3. RE: Prequelgate. Give me a fucking break! Jared was right to be upset! He called and texted Jensen for hours before he gave up and responded to that tweet about The Winchesters announcement. Jensen also lied about not being allowed cellphones on The Boys set. When they weren't filming, they were allowed. (Of course they can't have their cellphones on their person during filming, unless it suited the scene!) Besides all that, Jared honestly didn't know about it! Kripke was even shocked when he learned Jared didn't know! Supernatural and its legacy is as much Jared's as it was Jensen's! The whole freakin' industry gave Jensen a massive side-eye for his unprofessional behavior. Kevin Smith, a man who has directed, written, and acted in the industry, thought it was uncool. Also, Jared wasn't drunk.
4. Supposed bully accusations. I'd need to see more of this to believe it, but outside of occasionally putting Misha in his bullshit place, I've never heard of Jared bullying anyone. Everyone he's worked with has sung his praises. The only one who hasn't is Misha and that's because Jared won't let Misha put him down. And in fact, has had to step in to stop Misha from torturing Jensen. So fuck off with your noise.
5. His fanbase. Is he now responsible for his fanbase? I never knew that. What about Misha's fanbase sending Jensen death threats for denouncing Destiel? Has Misha ever stopped that? What about AAs hoping for Jared to suicide after Walker was cancelled?
6. What about Genevieve? Oh come on! Do I like that Gen is featuring the kids a lot? Myself, no. But if Jared was truly bothered by it, I'm sure he would've spoken to Genevieve. And Gen isn't any different than many other mommy influencers. I'm not keen on exploiting the kids like that, but would you say the same about Danneel abruptly grabbing the kids at Wales Comic Con and dragging them out for a photo op? All because she had no one in line for her autographs and desperate for attention?
7. Jared's Hair. Apparently there are some claiming Jared had gotten hair plugs. My response to that is: So what? Misha's had plastic surgery (trust me, it's obvious--his eyes and clearly lip fillers). Danneel's had worse--her hair is fried, bad extensions, plastic surgery galore that has ruined her hair line because of facelifts, fillers, Botox, and breast implants (twice!). Jensen's likely had a bit of work too.
So. Fucking. What. About Jared's hair?
--
Come up with truthful reasons to hate Jared, hmm? Not bullshit.
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i think maybe the only thing that can't be yuri is trans men (unless a trans man feels differently about this)
hi let me tell you all a secret
i'm transmasc and also a lesbian. i consider myself butch. i'm in a relationship with a wonderful girl who is also a lesbian, and we joke about being yuri occasionally.
my pronouns are he/him, i have a beard and a deep voice, i've had top surgery, and to the general public i appear to be a cis man. i like it that way! i believe this aesthetic is as far on the butch side of the butch/femme spectrum as you can get. men, even cis men, can be butch. it just happens to be the default for them due to cultural expectations, so we don't generally think of it like that.
i never felt quite comfortable with the gendered expectations of being in a straight relationship. i've been reading yuri since i was a tween, and back then i considered myself a lesbian too. once i realized i wanted to transition to male, i thought i had to let go of the lesbian label, even though i didn't really feel straight. i even felt guilty and creepy for reading yuri, so i stopped doing it for a while.
i've always related to lesbian romance more than straight romance, so i decided to not let go of the lesbian label for myself. i'm also very lucky to be dating such an understanding girl that can look past my flesh shell and love the real me inside, and our love is very gay, despite appearances.
this may be a rare story, but it is real! yuri, yaoi, gay, straight, man, woman, they're all just words we use to imprecisely attempt to describe an infinitely complex reality. all words are like that. we made them up to create pretty much arbitrary dividing lines, and now most people insist on following those lines to a T. even though many people don't even agree on where those lines lie!
the truth is, words are fake. but love is real. self expression is as fluid as the blood in our veins, and true identities are as numerous as individuals.
and while yes, words are useful as a tool to communicate, they should not be mistaken for the reality they attempt to describe. the beauty of a tool that can change is that you can use it however you want. i will respect your words, and i'd want you to respect mine too. we can use different words to describe the same thing and still agree. there's no point in us telling each other we're using the tool wrong, as long as the job gets done.
what i'm saying is we should all take this stuff a little less seriously. describe yourself however you want, and i'll respect that! you can do whatever you want forever. but in a queer and open minded world, nothing and nobody are exempt from potentially being yuri.
#asks#i didnt expect this to happen so quickly after ditching the yuri bit but here we are#a little nervous to be posting this one haha
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hey! i have a question abt your cruising guide if you don't mind, regarding something that (unless i totally missed sth, in which case i'm very sorry for wasting your time) i felt was completely absent but happens to be my main concern. (i'm already a huge slut, so anonymous/short term sexual encounters in themselves aren't the issue for me.) i'll put it bluntly: how am i supposed to pick anyone up in a gay male cruising space (irl/not on an app) when i look like a woman? i'm not a total stranger to gay bars, which is why i'm very sure that people in a cruising space are far, far more likely to take me as an intruder looking to be pleasantly scandalized than someone like them who they might want to have sex with, not to mention have sex with as a man(-adjacent). i also know it's likely that i'm projecting at least some of my dysphoria onto these hypothetical encounters, but it doesn't seem like an unjustified fear, either. i (fwiw: perisex, afab, some type of agender-nonbinary) have been on t for abt 9 months now, but i haven't had top or bottom surgery (i want both but so far it's unclear when that is going to happen) and my breasts are too large to be really concealed by a binder (not to mention that i can't fuck in a binder bc they give me awful headaches), i'm very short and ~curvy~, i have very little body/no facial hair, and people in casual daily interactions certainly don't hesitate to address me as a woman. it just seems preposterous to assume that there's anything abt me a man looking for another man could be attracted to. i guess it's possible someone could be a chaser after my specific type, but that's not an encounter i want to have right now. as far as my question to you is concerned, i want to have sex with a man who is into men, and at the very least won't see me as a girl wanting to be fucked like a man. i know that there is no way to objectively predict these things, experiences and tastes vary and so on, but i would be extremely grateful if you could share some of your experiences or give me some other pointers for how to approach this/what to expect. as it is, if i were to enter a darkroom, i assume i would be asked to leave, but preemptively telling myself that it's hopeless and to forget abt it for at least the next several years seems unnecessarily cruel, too. if there's any advice or experience you can share, thank you so so so much, and if not, thank you anyway for taking the time to read this letter of woe and for putting your perspective out there, it's been a balm to be understood. wishing you all the best x
Buddy -- it is (largely!) your dysphoria talking! Lots of queer men will wanna fuck you and they will wanna do it in a queer way. I walked around Steamworks fully tiddy out regularly and I had a great time.
It's true that in more general gay bars people will sometimes misread you, and that it will hurt, but trust me that lots of queer men are already attracted to you. If anything, I've noticed that in general queer spaces cis gay men sometimes default to assuming that you won't be interested in them and give a polite distance that they will happily do away with if they know you're looking and welcome their attention. A lot of guys don't want to accidentally be predatory to someone who they think might be a lesbian or not interested in men. (Again, being mistaken for something you are not really fucking sucks and can drive your dysphoria crazy, I get it, but do keep in mind that sometimes people do this out of a desire to be respectful, not because they're turned off that you're such a Womanly Woman or whatever.)
My first recommendation for you would be to GET ON GRINDR. Post some pics that make it clear what you're working with, physically, and list your identity clearly on your profile. When I first got a grindr I had a really slutty abs-and-underboob pic that got me a TON of attention from queer men, who treated me like a man, and it immediately assuaged all my concerns that I wasn't welcome on there. I think it will do a lot for your self-confidence and sense of belonging to try the same too.
Now, I don't want to be pollyannaish about any of this -- yes there are transphobes. In my experience they're mostly pretty quiet to trans men, they'll just pass you by for the most part. Yes there are people who will say awkward things. Block liberally and often and don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. But honestly, these are the kinds of issues you will run into within any dating platform, and the gay world is pretty damn blase and chill about the inclusion of trans men for the most part. You can absolutely put yourself out there -- and the sooner you do, the sooner you'll realize that your insecurities are not rooted in the reality of how other queer men mostly feel.
I wish I had put myself out there YEARS earlier! A lot would have changed for me if I had.
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Healers love
Luke castellan x black goddess reader
Synopsis: You worked at the camp as a full goddess but also a youngling and you never could fall in love because of the curse of Apollo until you met a Hermes half breed
Your apollos granddaughter also Asclepius daughter, You took over your father deity, as healing, medicine and surgery. So your grandfather thought it would be good for you to work and watch the gods half breeds.
Your father, Asclepius was really uncertain of his only daughter babysitting the gods half breeds but after a lot of convincing from his father. He sent you away but not that you mind, your grandfather and dad was overbearing to you.
You were cluttered in the infirmity room all day, Chiron fixed up Cabin 305 for you because no one heard of you. Pacifically you being Asclepius child.
One day when you were healing kids who have minor injuries. That’s where a Hermes boy comes in with him limping and holding his shoulder in pain so you instantly rushed to him.
You checked him over before opening your healing purse with lots of Ambrosia.
Ambrosia is healing food something demigods consume but having to much has consequences but Mortals can never consume them.
It was risky to give this boy Ambrosia but he did look in pain so you risked it you shoved the little piece of bread in his mouth making his swallow while using your healing magic. He groans in pain as the Ambrosia reached his leg as you healed his shoulder.
You moved away to go your next patient. “T-Thank you pretty girl” The Hermes boy mumbled tiredly making you blush slightly.
“Your welcome Messenger” You sigh pulling a blanket up to him before tending to your other kids.
When he first saw you, he immediately noticed that you were gorgeous for a healer goddess maybe Aphrodite blessed you with her beauty. And the way you immediately rushed to him made him fold. He wanted you at first sight, screw the gods but not you definitely not you. You were different and is just for him.
Maybe even Aphrodite even gave her blessing into you two to fall in love.
When Luke woke up he was greeted to you listening to his heart with your stethoscope that you mostly keep around your neck in the infirmary room.
He blushed as his heartbeat went up making you glance at him and smile as you put your stethoscope back around your neck. “Oh i’m glad to see your up love” You cheerfully said writing down his condition.
“My name is ___ Killian” You said making his arch his eyebrows as he was going to say something you already beat him to it. “Yes I made the last name up” You sigh.
“What’s your name?” You asked making him remember he never told you his name.
“Uh Oh i’m Luke Castellan” he answered making you nod before writing it down on the clipboard before putting it down.
“Well Luke your all good to go, I gave you some medicine to heal faster and everything should be good, I will need you to be more careful unless you’ll be close to getting a broken shoulder or sprain leg” You said professional.
You looked at him for an Okay but all he did was stare at you in admiration and lovesick.
You’re no Aphrodite but you would know when people fall for you at this point. Everyday now he come 5 times a week and it was often.
He’ll come with scapes, scars, sicknesses or even almost sprains.
So you confront him about it.
“Luke you can’t keep hurting yourself it’s either your really clumsy or your here for something else and I see if capture the flag and your amazing so what’s up with you?” You asked him wrapping up his arm.
“You watch me play capture the flag?” He asked lighting up at you watching him win every single time.
“Stop changing the subject” You scolded making him chuckle nervously.
Over these past weeks you grown having feelings with the Hermes boys and loved his company but you also grown worried he’s hurting himself on purpose.
“This is probably the best way to tell you but I’ve been wanting to ask if you want to go on a lunch date with me?” He asked hopefully but felt a boost of energy and that where he realized you were still holding his arm but white tint came out of your hands and onto his arm making him feel more strengthen.
“___?” He asked out making you snap out of it.
You pulled him into a kiss luckily the infirmary was empty was it was just you and him.
“I’ll take that as a yes?” He asked pulling away slightly but instantly wanted to feel your lips again as his grabbed you waist pulling you closer.
“It’s definitely a yes” You breathed out as he looked at your chocolate brown eyes. He smiled before pulling you back into a kiss leading into a make out session.
He still hated gods but you…. You were definitely an exception he can never hate you. He was gonna keep you to himself. All he wants is you…..
#luke castellan x reader#luke castellan x you#luke castellan imagine#percy jackson x reader#percy jackon and the olympians
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Mapi x reader where reader gets sent home from the World Cup through an injury and mapi looks after her ?
Ficlet no 1! Thank you for sending me this prompt and I hope you like it! I'm not too sure I like the ending so much but it was good to get back to writing.
Your journey in Australia wasn't meant to end when it did, you were meant to reach the final with the rest of your team but an unfortunate slip from an opposing player in the second half of your 3rd group game meant you were on a flight back home. The England camp had offered to get you help and treatment in Australia so you could stay with the squad but you had decided it was best to head back to your club team and start recovery there. That and you didn't want to do this alone and your love was back in Spain.
Mapi greeted you at the airport with open arms and a slightly sorry smile. “Let's get you home mi amor.” You didn't say much to that, just nodded your head where you had rested it in the crook of her neck. Mapi took your backpack from you so you could just focus on crutching your way to the car, your suitcases having been taken by your team so you didn't have to worry about them.
You didn't have to be at the medical facility until tomorrow, the team having seen the x-ray you had done back in Australia and deeming it okay for you to have the day to unwind. You also had the jet lag to get over being as when you pulled up to your shared apartment with Mapi, it was 10am local time but for your body clock it was about 6pm. You prayed that the on and off sleep you got on the plane would be enough for you to be able to stay awake until bedtime here.
Mapi took your bag upstairs and came back down with your fave old t-shirt of hers and a pair of shorts, the spanish summer being in full force meant that you had to adjust to the climate change too. She helped you into the bathroom and into the walk-in shower where she held you as you cried about the missed tournament and washed your hair when you were ready to get out.
Mapi had got the next few days off of training so she could be there for you and help you and although you tried to protest at first you were so very grateful for the woman. You couldn't do this on your own, there was too much pain not just physically but mentally.
Mapi escorted you to every appointment and was the first face you saw when you woke up from surgery, she didn't leave you alone unless you asked her too and she made sure you were as happy and comfortable as you could be. She watched your lionesses in the games that you did and that is something you would never forget. Not after all she had been through surrounding her national team and the tournament.
When the final was confirmed as England vs Spain you didn't know how to feel. You and Mapi had not spoken yet about her thoughts surrounding the teammates you shared that went back on the letter and were there so this was probably the worst final the two of you could have gotten.
You had spoken to Leah on the phone the other night when she landed in Australia about your sadness at picking up the injury and not being there and how she must feel too. It was easy to talk to her and get the advice she had for you and you were so happy she got to go watch them in person. Her love for football was contagious.
On the evening before the final you and Mapi sat down to talk, she had told you she couldn't watch the game but she wanted you too so she was going to go for an extra session in the gym if that was okay with you. Which of course it was you didn't want to put her through the harm of watching a team she should be on.
You watched your team play their hearts out, you had your Mary Earps shirt on in honour of her fight for Nike to print her shirt and you couldn't be prouder. When the final whistle blew and it confirmed the loss you were heart broken for the girl. You were quick to pull up your group chat and send a message off that you hoped would help them and make them see they did your country proud before you closed the TV off. You couldn't watch the Spanish side pick up the trophy, not today. You were just pulling on your shoes when the front door clicked open and Mapi walked through, take-out bag in hand.
“I was just about to head out to come find you. I have a 30 minute walk to do today which would have gotten me to the gym.” You explained as you tugged your half on the shoe back off again.
“As soon as the final whistle blew I made sure I was heading back to you. I'm sorry he won.” You knew what he she was talking about and you knew that Mapi was going to struggle with this for a while. Playing for your country is always such an honour but not when you have to be abused to do it.
“I’m sorry he won too. Let's not talk about it, it doesn't deserve our time. What have you got here?” You grabbed the bag off the fake blonde and headed for the kitchen, your stomach letting you know how hungry you actually were.
It might not have been the result either of you had wanted and the injury you picked up was also another reason to want to put this world cup behind you, but what did shine through is the love you and Mapi had for each other. No matter what was thrown your way you would deal with it together.
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Lost my ability to message and interact so remade~
Call me whatever petname or degrading insult you like, I also answer to Toy. (My favorites are Princess and Baby) I'm a 25 year old prelubed hole for trans girls, real trans men, chasers- anyone and everyone who wants to use the cunt of a fakeboy who looks underage. Not on T, never started, no surgeries. He/they irl but she/her here. ❤💙
Will be infrequent and most likely won't have long term chats- nothing personal. Love all my mutuals but the horny wires in my mind don't cross very often 😔
Won't tag things unless I make the post so follow with discretion. Also may update this as things go on. Will send tit pics in dms, no explicit cunt pics (unless you want to buy me something 💙❤)
Will post/into: most hard kinks, misgend/detrans, cnc, breeding, incest/fauxcest, somno, ageplay/big age gap, bondage, knifeplay/weaponplay, breeding, cockwarming, monsterfucking, looking underage, intox, petplay, corruption, overstimulation
A little: Blood, my own pics
Not into (you can follow if you are just don't try to involve me in it): scat, vore, feederism, AB/DL
DNI, BLOCK ON SIGHT: Ageless, real transphobia/misogyny/terfs/zionists, sh/ed/ana/⭐ving,
This blog is a consenting fantasy between adults exploring my own trauma and kinks. I do not condone or encourage anything I post about in real life. Be kind. Trans rights are human rights. I have the right to block whoever I want whenever I am made uncomfortable. I do not want a relationship.
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genital headcannons for :
Falin
Laios
Chilchuck
Toshiro
Namari
Venery
Thistle
Falin definitely has a penis, I think hers is probably the biggest out of Laios' party? Namari definitely packs, I would let her peg me for hours omg..... she could ruin me. Ermmm.. Chilchuck probably has a big cock for a halfling, he's fucking TALL !!!! bro has to be packing something. Also shaved or not shaved... Namari body hair everywhere OMG I need her to shove my face into her bush I need to smell her. Sorry I'm being a little too straight (? I am a man but this feels gay idk) ... anyway chil, Namari, and Falin are unshaved, full bush down there. I feel like Toshiro at his best keeps everything trimmed !! but when he can't even shave his face when he's at his lowest... bro wouldn't have the energy to take care of it. Hmm and then Laios could be either way..?? We know he shaves his face and keeps his hair short bc he doesn't wanna look like his dad, but would he even think of shaving his pubes????? Idk. Wait is this a weird thing to think about? Oh wait do elves grow body hair??? I feel like thistle would have some body hair if it's possible, I feel like they can't... unless my DND 5e knowledge is getting mixed with uhmmm. What is it called... DUNGEON MESHI I think I'm starting to dissociate I'm going to stop typing lmfao
FALIN - GIRLCOCK. Whether you are a trans!Falin fan or what, in my eyes after the red dragon thing. She gets girl cock. I can see this as either like, a penis or like T-dick. Whatever you decide. But whatever it is her situation is definitely unique. Also she got a bush frfr
Laios - COCK. (I am also a trans!Laios fan so like. He can have anything in his pants it don’t matter imma eat it but usually when I write him it’s cock). His dick is as painfully average as he is. Not crazy length wise but he got some girth to it. I’m thinking like. 5 inches frfr. Maybe 6 but that’s generous imo. No manscaping just vibes he’s full bush down there. And body hair on his chest/legs/arms and around his groin
Chilchuck - OKAY. His dick is probably like more similar to an average tallman penis. Which is remarkable considering he’s like half their size. I’m gonna give him four inches and he’s breaking other halflings in half with it but with other races. He’s learned how to use it. Chilchuck is a real one. Light on body hair, but would keep it tidy when he’s not in the dungeon (I think he likes to manscape and like. Appreciate himself in the mirror lol)
Toshiro - He is ALL length and so embarrassed about it. (Def afraid he’s gonna hurt you.) He could learn to love it with a supportive partner though. I think for a while he’s rocking bush because like, yknow. That stuff isn’t really talked about…but he figured it out for himself that when he takes his time and shaves and stuff after a anything or whatever he’ll do some trimming down there because he likes the neatness. I like to think he grows body hair but it’s not super dark for some reason (besides on his face people get jealous at the beard he can grow)
Namari - SHE IS JUST LIKE ME I GET HER VIBE SO WHAT IM SAYING HERE IS CANON: SHE HAS CRAZY PUSS BUT IS ALWAYS ROCKING THE STRAP. Namari doesn’t let anyone fuck her hole unless they’re in a committed relationship (she does not play about that either if you insert anything in her sex is over). Insane with the strap too. She’s someone I can genuinely see breaking the bed with her strokes. Also she’s got body hair for days. Like other Dwarf women she can grow a beard too but she usually shaves. (Namari with stubble…I’m bout to go feral.)
Venery - Started off with a human vagina. Now it’s some weird mix between that + hyena + dragon cock. I think he’s canonically intersex due to the ancient magic. But he’s happy about it. Also UHHHHHH…..HE LAYS EGGS. JS.
Thistle - Okay Thistle is so trans to me I think he gives himself top surgery when he’s getting older with ancient magic. He leaves the downstairs area alone because he’s fine with just presenting masc that’s good enough for him. Very low body hair he just sits in the middle of gender ambiguous for REAL.
#dungeon meshi#laios touden#namari#toshiro nakamoto#falin touden#chilchuck tims#x reader#delicious in dungeon#suck my ask
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Fictober Day 11: Oh, What A Night
Prompt: "Well, that turned out great"
Mulder and Scully are forced to attend the annual FBI charity ball. Chaos ensues. Rating T, wc: 2,006
Tagging @today-in-fic @xffictober24
A huge thank you to @xxsksxxx for helping me come up with this fic. And all the help and support in general ❤️
The FBI’s annual charity party is a gossip-infested, deadly boring event where agents wear glittery clothes that don’t fit them and get drunk with people they’ll pretend not to know the next day – and before now, Mulder has always managed to escape this circus. That was before A.D. Kersh became their new boss and made it mandatory.
Unless Mulder was dead in a morgue or emergency surgery, his presence was required. And since he neither died nor injured himself – not for lack of trying either – he’s here, standing in the corner with a flute full of sparkling water. He’s saving the champagne for when Scully gets here.
They had planned to arrive together, but when she said she’d be late, she insisted he go ahead to avoid Kersh thinking they’d bailed on the party. So he’s standing here on his own, in an itchy tuxedo, grimacing.
So far no one has even attempted to rope him into a conversation. He nods at Kersh and his assistant, briefly wondering if he can ditch the party now that their boss has seen him. But he couldn’t do that to Scully. He checks his phone to see if she’s called or texted. Nothing. He’s beginning to worry and decides to call her himself. Phone at his ear, he lets his eyes roam the room. So many people he has no desire to see at the office, let alone at a ball.
All he can hope is that no one will ask him to dance. Oh fuck, what if Scully doesn’t show up and Elaine from accounting gets his hands on him? She’s been trying. Much like Diana. She’s across the room, obviously looking for someone – and he fears it might just be him.
“Come on, Scully, answer,” he whispers to himself, the phone still pressed against his ears. There’s a loud, collective gasp – or maybe it’s just him – when the door opens and someone steps inside. Not just someone, no. Mulder relaxes in an instant, his feet starting before he knows what’s happening. A smile blooms on his face and he doesn’t care who sees his goofy grin.
Scully is here.
He stops a few feet away from her, in absolute awe. He’s never seen her like this. At work, she’s the consummate professional in her suits. Every once in a while, he’s been lucky enough to catch her in tight jeans and a t-shirt. Once or twice, he’s got a glimpse of her satin pajamas. He has seen her in her whole glory, not a stitch of clothing on her body. Not that he looked, not really. One time was a matter of life and death. The second time a cruel joke from Diana. He shakes his head softly, hardly believing what he’s seeing now. It’s Scully – his Scully, his friend and partner – in a very flattering, deep black cocktail dress.
“Wow, you look…,” he says, his hand reaching out, unsure if it’s to touch her or the dress. The dress is hugging her in all the right places, leaving just enough for the imagination. He takes her in, feeling like he might need a cold shower if he keeps this up.
“I didn’t know what to wear and found this in the back of my closet. That’s why I’m late,” she says. “Mulder, why are people staring at us?” she asks in a low voice, reaching for his champagne flute. She grimaces when she tastes the water. “This is water.”
“I didn’t want to get drunk before you got here.” He grins. “Scully, I- you look amazing.”
“Thank you, Mulder,” she says with a smile and just the hint of a blush. “We need to mingle. Just so that Kersh can’t claim we weren’t here.”
His Scully, is always on his side.
He considers taking her hand but doesn’t dare. The night is still young. People are glaring at them openly as if they were the greatest spectacle they’ve ever seen. It’s all because of Scully, he’s sure of it. He’s heard about the ice queen rumor long before they were even partnered. He’s never given a damn about rumors and after meeting her, he knew that all these people didn’t know Dana Scully at all. Her rationality is only one side of her; the one she presents at work and in professional settings. He knows a different Scully. One who is passionate about everything – and everyone – she loves.
“You’re starting again,” she says, but she sounds amused.
“I can’t help it.” He decides to be honest with her. “That dress- you in it.”
“I’m glad you like it.” She smooths an invisible wrinkle and Mulder’s pants feel a whole lot tighter all of a sudden. As much as he likes the dress, and her in it, he wouldn’t mind seeing it on the floor. Or – what he suspects she prefers: draped carefully over a chair. But the night has just begun and just in case he’s misinterpreting the last few weeks, he’s going to take his time, admire her in the dress, and cherish the fact that she wants him right here next to her.
“How long do you think we have to stay?” They’re at the buffet now, loading their plates with fancy finger food. Scully gets a white wine spritzer, sighing in contentment when she takes a sip.
“An hour at least. There’s Kersh.” They both wave at their boss who just rolls his eyes and shakes his head. “I thought he wanted us here.”
“He did,” Mulder says, eyeing their boss from across the room. He’s never seen the man smile in what Mulder assumes is genuine joy.
“Don’t stare at him,” Scully says, elbowing him.
“Did you know he could smile?” Now Scully looks over too. She has to get on tiptoes to see anything and uses Mulder to steady herself.
“Well,” is all she says. She keeps her hand on his arm, watching the room. “Oh no. Diana is here.” No one could blame Mulder for forgetting Diana once he laid eyes on Scully.
“Is it too late to hide?” he asks and Scully doesn’t need to answer cause his ex has seen them and is making her way over.
When Mulder saw Scully, he was blown away. Now seeing Diana, all he wants is to get away. Scully must sense his desire to flee and squeezes his arm.
“Agents Mulder and Scully,” Diana says with fake enthusiasm. “I was hoping to see you here.”
“Were you,” Mulder mumbles, wishing he’d opted for alcohol after all and not plain water.
“This is Jeremy, by the way.” She points at the man next to her and Mulder swallows hard. It’s almost like looking into a mirror. Except the mirror is smudged and distorted. But he sees the resemblance. That man – Jeremy – could be his brother. Or cousin, at least.
“Hello Jeremy,” Scully says, shaking his doppelgänger’s hand. If she sees it, too, she’s much better at concealing it. “Have you known Diana long?”
“Literally met her today,” he says with a grin. “Making good money here tonight.”
“That’s enough of you,” Diana says, pushing him away. “Go and… just go.” With a shrug, he winks at Scully and points finger guns at Mulder, before he grabs a champagne flute and is off to mingle.
“Where did you find that delightful young man?” He can’t stop himself from asking. Diana makes a wild hand gesture.
“Oh, you know.” Scully is nice enough to nod, though he doubts either of them knows what Diana is talking about. “I came over here, Fox, to whisk you away.”
“Whisk me away?”
“Excuse me?” He and Scully speak at the same time, their words overlapping.
“To, you know.” Again, he has no idea what she’s talking about, but he knows her well enough to see panic rise in her demeanor.
“I don’t know,” he says, a softness in his voice that’s full of faded memories of a past shared with this woman.
“You at least have to dance with me.” Diana grabs his free arm and starts tugging. Only Scully is not letting go of him either.
“Um, I don’t want to dance,” he says. Only a few couples are dancing and Mulder isn’t even sure their movements are deserving of that description.
“Fox, come on. I want to show you something.” Needy. He remembers that, too. Things have to go her way – always. But he’s no longer that young, naive man. More than that, he’s no longer the man who thought he was in love.
“He said he doesn’t want to dance.” Scully has been quiet up to this point. He knows that low voice that’s close to a growl. People underestimate Scully all the time; it’s her gender and her height. Diana, unfortunately, makes that same mistake.
“I think I know him a bit better than you do, Agent Scully.”
“Please-,” Mulder tries to say, but the women are ignoring him.
“I think it’s better if you leave now.”
“You don’t make the choices here, Agent Scully.”
“No,” she says evenly. “Mulder does and he said no. We’re in a room full of people. Do you really want to do this?” He holds his breath, waiting. It could go either way. The two women are in a staring contest and his own eyes move between their faces like a ping pong.
“Fine,” Diana hisses. “You can have him tonight.” She starts walking off, but turns around again, waving her glass about. “I knew him first, you know.” Her voice breaks and Mulder almost feels sorry for her. She’s walking backward now, unable to turn her back on them. She’s always hated losing. “I get him,” she says with emphasis.
“Diana.” There’s panic in Scully’s voice. She takes a few steps forward and Mulder sees what has her so concerned. Diana. Walking backwards. Right into a table full of candles. Lit candles.
“You cannot- what the fuck!” Someone screams and Diana is flapping her arms like a bird trying to take off, while her dark brown hair is blazing with red hot flames. Scully is the first to react, pouring what’s left of her white wine spritzer over Diana’s head. The screaming gets louder and just to be safe, just in case, Mulder pours his sparkling water over Diana’s hair, too. She’s sputtering and yelling. Her voice is so high-pitched that Mulder doesn’t catch a single thing she’s saying, but the smell of burnt hair makes him gag.
“Let me help you,” Scully says.
“I think you’ve helped enough.” Diana’s make-up is smeared all over her face. She touches her hair and her bottom lip quivers. “I think I’ll – excuse me.” She storms off and Mulder just watches her, wondering if he should follow. Two waiters come to clean up and relight the candles. Chatter commences and a moment later, it’s as if nothing has happened at all.
“Well, that turned out great.” Mulder stares at their empty glasses.
“We need to make sure she’s okay,” Scully says, tugging at his hand. That’s not at all how he imagined this evening to go. He didn’t have high hopes, but this is even worse.
“Scully, she doesn’t want our help.”
“I don’t care,” she says earnestly. “This could have ended badly. We need to make sure she’s all right. We should take her to a hospital.” He loves this woman. Here she is, defending Diana, despite wanting to rip the woman’s hair out herself half the time.
“Do you think so?”
“Yes.” Scully takes his hand into hers. “She’s hurt, Mulder.” She’s not just talking about the physical pain she’s just endured. “Let’s go help her. I’m used to dealing with difficult people.” She pokes his chest with her finger a few times.
“This is not how I wanted tonight to be.”
“Once we’ve taken care of Diana,” Scully says, slipping her hand into his in front of Kersh and every other agent present, “we’re going home.”
“Together?” he asks, daring to dream.
“Together,” she confirms.
#fictober24#msr#xf fanfic#look another diana story#my attempt at humor#i had so much fun writing this one#my writing#my fic
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In my evil era. I've come to spread the misery
So I read a wingfic a while ago and I recall there being a titans tower scene where Tim tried to fly away but Jason grabbed him by the wing and his wing got fucked but don't quote me on that
So here's my idea
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Author decision on if anybody other than Tim has wings or other bird features and instincts, but Tim has bird traits like wings, talons, bird noises and maybe a tail if you pick
And for whatever reason, Tim hides his bird features
Who cares if binding his wings and other means of hiding it has proven time and time again to have horrific effects on one's health in studies older than him?
It's annoying how during the night—typically when he's Robin—he needs to take off the bindings and whatnot to keep himself from deteriorating too fast but it is what it is
Besides, his cape covers it up and he's trained in passing for human
It isn't until his wings are used against him in battle—like say a goon or a rogue (maybe even Jason at Titans Tower) being lucky enough to grab them and beat him black and blue due to it—does he reconsider how he views his wings
Tim Drake became Robin with a mission. A mission to restore Batman to the symbol of Justice he was withering from, one that expanded to putting everything into supporting all heroes
But more importantly his generation of Teen Titans and the Bats
His wings were just used against him, and in such a serious way that he's lucky he could nurse himself back to health
It was one time too many
He has a mission
The deadline is Death
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The next morning, Luthor Corp down hundreds of millions and they'll never notice until months later. Too late to recover the assets
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"Mind letting me in on what it is I'm guarding or even assisting you for?"
"We covered this in the contract Deathstroke; You guard this safehouse and in the future me while I take care of a very time-sensitive case. Benifits are just as negotiated.
"I will be locking myself in the room I will do my work. You are under no circumstances to enter unless told to. Rest assure, it can fufill my physical needs.
"If I open the door and I say 'Asylum,' it means I will be out of the safehouse for a time where you are to protect my room in addition to the rest of the safehouse until I return.
"If I open the door and say 'visitors' or shout it through the walls, it means we're being invaded through my room, and you have all the permission you need to kick down the door to come and assist me.
"If I open the door and say 'mission half-finished,' do so through the walls, or by passing a paper with that text, it means I've finished my mission with no loose ends, but am injured and require your assistance in my recovery.
"And if anybody ever asks; you had to take care of personal matters during your haitus, the Bats will never even come to mind when inquired on this period you're off the grid"
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Weeks or Months later (authors pick)
A paper slowly shifts under the door, he picks it up
Mission Half-Finished
he forced the door open to his client shivering on the floor
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the timeline is as goes;
Tim tells the bats he's going to be off the grid for a few months for a mission
Tim hacks LexCorp for Lex's future paychecks and assets to-be used for villanous plots
Tim contacts Deathstroke to be a glorified bodyguard + maybe physical therapist/doctor for an indefinite time
gg
25% upfront pay. Deathstroke will only recieve the remaining pay if he fufills his duties as followed and doesn't bail or rat Tim out
Half the reason Deathstroke is being paid six figures is to stay hush
Tim isolates himself in a room that can fufill his needs for a time
Tim isn't working on a case at all. He is preforming surgery on himself to get rid of his wings, tail, and maybe other bird traits, everything short of instincts (or not, your pick lol)
After Tim is finished, he does end up needing Deathstroke's help recovering from the aftermath, but he does everything to make the mercenery believe that it was a mission that fucked him up
Tim recovers and gives Deathstroke the rest of the 75% pay
Deathstroke leaves the safehouse while Tim stays a bit longer to tie up loose ends
Loose ends tied
LexCorp learns of the stolen money and assets, tries, and fails to find where they went
extra notes
That 'Asylum' code word was meant to throw Deathstroke a false trail to follow if he ever gets curious about what Tim was getting up to during their contract
The 'visitors' was in case the safehouse did get broken into, and 'Mission Half-Finished' in the likely case Tim legit needed treating the aftermath or physical therapy after what he did
SO yeah. This could go a lot of ways
(assume when I say wings, I use it as an umbella term for all his removed bird traits)
In Tim's ideal world, he's either bury his wings where they would rapidly rot into nothing, or keep them in his house or safest, secure, and isolated place where he preserves them and looks at them to remind himself to never let anything, anything bring him down again
But he doesn't live there
Maybe the Bats find out that Tim lost his wings, and later on, that Tim did it to himself, and are promptly horrified but Tim is all like "they were pulling me back, I had to for the mission!"
Cue more horror
Esp if Jason was the one to yank Tim by the wings
Maybe whoever yanked Tim by the wings assumes it's common knowledge that Tim is birdy^2 and is confused when everyone says the Robin is human or at least has no wings
Imagine if it's not even a rogue but a goon who even has photo evidence of the Robin's wings but recent photos, he doesn't have them at all?
And word spreads a Robin literally had his wings torn from him literally and it reaches rogues and even the Bats?
All hell breaks loose
Deathstroke thinks he's safe because he was 'busy with his personal life' until he realizes the Robin they're talking about is the one that hired him and needed his help recovering from something
He is screaming, he didn't wanna be caught up in this!
Or perhaps Deathstroke gets suspicious about the possibility he's been lied to on the contract despite how squeaky clean everything seems, and gives up that 75% to confront Tim
Only to find the kid just starting or in the middle of surgically removing his wings
Or maybe Deathstroke sniffs around after Tim needs his help recovering from his mission and find's the stash of wings he's planning to dispose of or preserve
either way he's going "What the Capital F Fuck is this?"
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I think any conversation between people and Tim could be dumbed down to this
"Why did you remove your'e wings??!"
"They were a burden, besides, it's not like I'm becoming disabled am I? I'm just becoming more passing for human then ever"
"That's not how it works!!"
Ooh. Okay. I think, in this AU, most of the Bats don't have wings. The exception would be Duke and Babs (Cass used to as well, but they were taken from her). For Barbara, the bullet that injured her spine also went through one of her wings.
I think Cass, who would bond with Tim using their bird instincts and who's wings were forcibly taken, would be especially devastated.
You're absolutely correct that Tim would do such a fucked up thing, but gods does it hurt.
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