#unless i go for t or surgery

[asordidbarwere]

gggggggg

[talkfastcal]

Yoyok except it’s me a grown adult in my classroom by myself because the rest of my toddler teachers are :)

[ichigosoju]

🫧

[poisonofthepaint]

lucky you

jack calls you in on your day off, which leads to hooking up in the on-call room, which leads to him finding your tattoo.

wc: 2.5k

cw: MDNI, semi-public sex, f!reader, age gap, pinv, oral, lmk if i'm missing anything!

The date you were heading toward was less than exciting. You knew you needed a life outside of the hospital, Dana had given you a wake up call last week. You had been working doubles like it was nothing, but this was your first day off in a while, so you figured you’d download a dating app, get a free dinner on a Friday night. Not that you couldn’t afford dinner, this was more like dinner and a show. Max was a kind guy, but you could tell he didn’t take you seriously— that he underestimated you. So this was your chance to show up a man, and have him pay for your dinner. Win win.

Then, your phone rings. The ringtone that you have set for hospital staff interrupts your music and blares through the speakers. You groan, checking to see who it was. You were surprised to see that it was Jack, you figured since he was agreeing so hard with Dana last week that he would be the last person calling you.

“It’s my day off,” you answer

“I need you here.” Jack sounds out of breath. 

“Are you kidding?”

“You know I’m not. Ellis is sick, I thought we could manage but we cannot. I need you here.”

“You’re buying me dinner.” you say, exasperated.

“Gladly,” Jack ends the call. 

You know he wouldn’t call you unless it was actually an emergency, Jack wasn’t like that. He wanted to be able to manage. He wanted to be able to handle it by himself. So when he calls you, it’s important. You take off the blue dress you had on, switching it out for a plain white t-shirt before throwing your scrubs on top. You grab the bookbag full of your supplies for shifts and head out of your apartment.

The hospital is only a few blocks from your apartment, so you walk. It’s a bit chilly out; the springtime air blowing through the trees. It looks like it’s gonna storm, and you get to the hospital right before it starts, ducking your head as you walk into the entrance. 

The patients are grouchy in the waiting room, all groaning and yelling. The seats must’ve been taken up hours ago, there’s more people standing than sitting. You push your way through the front door.

“Good, you’re here.” Abbot was waiting at the doors like he had timed you. “You’re not supposed to wear perfume here.” he chastises.

“Had already sprayed it when you called me, figured I didn’t have time to shower.” 

“Right,” his eyes catch yours and he refuses to look away. “We have a lot of injuries from a car crash. A bunch of guys were speeding on the highway and about six of them were sitting in the open truck bed. A semi driver didn’t see them swerving around and knocked them off the road.”

Jack finally breaks eye contact and walks away, you follow him back into Trauma 1. There’s a young guy, probably around twenty-three, screaming in pain. His hand is holding on by a string, like, literally. It’s barely connected. 

“Noah, this is my best resident, she’s gonna take a look at you.” Jack tells him, yelling over the boy’s own screeching.

“I don’t care who she is, fix my fucking hand! I’m on a baseball scholarship!”

“I’m really glad I cancelled my date to be here.” you say, examining his arm.

“You were going on a date?” he says, you think you hear a tinge of jealousy in his voice, but you brush it off.

“Aren’t you the one who told me to go have fun?” Jack doesn’t answer, just goes back to the patient, and you do too.

There are a lot of injuries, some superficial, some very serious. Noah will lose his hand, because he was stupid. You learn that he was the driver of the truck, and that he was drinking. You try to have empathy for all of your patients, but it’s hard when they’re being willingly stupid, and killing their friends. Noah heads up into surgery, and everything is rather stable now. The ED returns to its normal business, waiting for beds upstairs, triaging emergencies from the ambulances. 

You sit at your station and chart your patients, trying to remember all that happened in the whirlwind of your arrival. Jack stands right in front of you, charting as well. He looks back once, twice.

“You need something?” you ask, glancing up at him.

“Nah, just making sure you’re good.”

“I am just peachy, although I could use some dinner.” you smile up at him brightly.

He makes a noise that’s somewhere between a scoff and a laugh, “Guess I did promise.”

Jack pulls out his phone, opening DoorDash before handing it over to you. You swipe through the restaurants before you find some Chinese place that catches your eye. You put what you want in the cart before handing his phone back to him.

  “Thank you, Dr. Abbot!” you get up from your seat and go to do a round of checkups.

You briefly see him shake his head as he looks down at his phone. 

It’s  a while before the food gets there, and even longer for the driver to argue with the nurse at triage. Jack finally sees the commotion and goes out and grabs it, apologizing to the nurse.

He calls you over and you grab the food, heading into the breakroom. You sit down and open up the paper brown bag. You think about how your night worked out, you got free dinner and a show anyway. And this was actually a show you quite enjoyed. You did love your job, maybe an unhealthy amount. But you had worked so hard to get here, and you were good at it. You were Abbot’s best resident. You were fast at assessing and scoping out which treatment would be best. You flew around the ED like it was nothing to you. 

After a few minutes of eating alone, Jack came to join you, taking what he ordered out of the bag.

“So, what’s wrong with Ellis?” you pry.

“She thinks she has the flu, super high fever and throwing up.”

“Got it, just wanted to make sure this wasn’t all a ploy to get me here on my day off.”

“And if it was?” Jack asks. 

You’re stunned for a second before you regain yourself, “Then I would say you’re very unprofessional, and that you’re interfering with my personal life.”

He shrugs– smirks, “You don’t want a healthy work life balance. Plus, we have fun together, don’t we?”

You try not to think about how he can read you; how he’s got you memorized like you’re the back of his hand. “We do.”

You finish your food and throw the empty container in the trash, excusing yourself. You swoop into the on-call room, trying to calm yourself. You rest your back against the door and swipe a hand down your face. 

The truth is, you’ve had a crush on Jack since your first day at The Pitt. it was a schoolgirl one at first, you thought he was cute. It was fun to be attracted to your boss; to have a little work crush that you could be excited about. But then, it started getting deeper, Jack paid extra attention to you, he could tell that you actually enjoyed the ED. You were always with him on cases, he picked you for his ‘team’ during busy mass casualties. He got to know you, you got to know him. He was no longer a mysterious crush who you just thought was cute. You liked him, in a way you didn’t want to. It was distracting some days. It was even more distracting when you had a feeling you weren’t being delusional. When you wondered why he called you, a second year resident, instead of one of the seniors, or another attending. 

There’s a knock at the door, and you open it, shocked to see Jack standing outside. He walks in and you allow him, moving out of the way so he can lock the door behind him. You can feel your heart in your throat. You sit down on the bed, hoping it’ll stabilize you. 

There’s silence; tension you could cut with a knife. He stands with his hands resting on a countertop. The storm rages outside the window, a big crack of thunder rings throughout the room. Jack is just looking, trying to scope you out. He pushes off and approaches you. You swallow, and look down at your feet, trying to avoid eye contact, but Jack isn’t having any of it. He grabs your chin and tilts your head up, forcing you to look at him. He leans down, presses his forehead against yours. He lets his lips ghost yours— just barely.

“Tell me to stop.” he begs, out of breath, just like when he called you.

You place a hand on his neck, fingers threading lightly through the hair at the bottom, “What if I don’t want you to?” He groans, burrows his head into your neck. “I want it, Jack, of course I want it.” 

That’s all it takes. His lips are on yours without another beat. The kiss is rough— needy. Your teeth clash against each other, and his tongue explores your mouth. He lays you back onto the bed and your legs open, making room for him. He settles himself and gets to work on your neck, his hand slowly slides up your shirt, resting on your stomach.

He’s still being cautious, you think. You push his hand up and he cups your breast. He makes a strained noise when he feels the lace on your bra.

“You were gonna wear that for him?” Jack asks, right into your ear.

“No, I was wearing it for myself.” an honest answer. 

Jack rips your pants off and sees, what he assumes, is the matching thong. The underwear shifts down a bit, and you think Jack is gonna pass out.

Your small tattoo, a mistake from undergrad. A scripture on your hip that reads, ‘lucky you.’

“You’re gonna fucking kill me, kid.” he brushes his thumb over the words. Thinks about them. Doesn’t move for a minute. 

“Good thing we’re in an emergency department.” 

The nickname sends a wave of arousal through you, just like it always does. It’s how he usually referred to you during emergencies, when you’d catch something that no one else saw. It was how he praised you. You never imagined you’d hear it in this context.

Jack stands up and you whine. He quickly strips off his clothes and is back on you in a second. He rests on his stomach and kisses your tattoo sloppily.

He rips off your underwear with ferocity. You’d be smart to feel a tinge of embarrassment. He is your boss. But you don’t. This feels right, this feels good. He swipes a finger through your folds and you keen. 

“So wet for me.” he mumbles.

Jack wastes no more time. His tongue makes quick work on your clit. He moves like he knows you. Like he’s done this a million times, like there’s no room for error. And there isn’t. You both knew this needed to be quick. There were patients outside of the door, and the nurses and other doctors will be wondering where you two went. He works at your clit and you try your hardest to not make any noise. He looks up at you while his tongue is buried in you, and you let out a cry. He reaches a free hand up and covers your mouth. You bite down on it and let your head fall back on the lumpy pillow.

Then, Jack pulls away. “The fuck?” you say it into his hand, so it’s a bit muffled.

“We’ve only got time for one thing. You’re gonna come when I do. Just had to get you ready.” He says.

You want to salute. You want to scream. You don’t really know how this is happening. 

Jack pulls off his boxers and you gulp. You see why he needed to get you ready. The length alone was bigger than anything you’ve taken, but he was girthy too. 

He pulls a condom out of a drawer in the room. “Did you stash that in here?” you laugh.

“No, they keep them in here. I always wondered why, but now I see.”

He rolls it on quickly and comes back to the bed. He rests on his heels, taking you in. “Are you sure?” Jack asks again.

“I’m positive. I’ve wanted this since I met you.”

He nods slowly, small smile coming to his lips. He moves so his hands are right next to your head. Jack lines himself up with your entrance and sinks in deep. 

“Shit,” he mumbles. “So fucking tight.”

“You feel so good,” you cry.

“Yeah? This good for you?” He sets a brutalizing pace, hips never faltering. His head falls into your neck again. “Your perfume is driving me fucking crazy, sweetheart. Could smell you whipping around this hospital. Every time you passed me, I thought I was going to have to take you right there.”

He’s rambling now, you realize. Pussydrunk from how you feel. 

“Maybe I’ll have to wear it more, break the rules a bit, if it leads to this.” you say, resisting the urge to moan in the middle of your sentences.

He pants, stifles his own noises. “You’re close,” you say.

“It’s been a while, every time I went on a date, I would just think of you.” 

“Is that true?”

“I’m already in your pants, no reason to lie.” his hips start to stutter. “Y’gonna come with me?”

You scope out the feeling in your stomach and focus in on it, Jack brings a hand down between your bodies and starts rubbing your clit. “Fuck, God, yes. Yes, I am.”

The room is filled with heavy breaths, the air has gone thick. You spot a bolt of lightning run through the sky and grab Jack’s head, bringing his ear down to your mouth. “Now,” you whisper.

The thunder hits right as you both finish. It’s loud enough to mask the noises neither of you could hold back. He continues the pace until you come down. You both gasp into each other. Jack slowly pulls out, taking the condom over to the trash can and burying it under some paper towels. 

He comes back to the bed and sits on the edge, massaging your shin. “I’m gonna make an assumption and say that was the best sex of your life,” you scoff, but don’t deny it. “But, we have to get back.”

“I know,” you say, wishing you could stay in this room forever. “God, this is really gonna fuck with my work life balance.”

Jack laughs and stands up, placing a kiss on your forehead. “C’mon, lucky girl. We’ll figure it out.”

[vaspider]

Last year I wrote about what happened at Pride when a couple of kids didn't understand why us older folx were so bitter about Reagan.

This year, I have something a little softer.

Someone who looked a little older than me came up to the booth wearing a pink t-shirt proclaiming him one of the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, San Francisco chapter. As I was ringing him up, I asked if he'd been involved for a while.

"Yes," he said, "for a bit," in that way us middle-aged people do when we're sort of wincing and feeling old.

"Okay, well," I said, sitting at my register in my queer booth full of queer clothes and patches and pins, topless in public for the first time. (I had pasties on for my own comfort bc I was working, but I live in the city of the Naked Bike Ride, and I took full advantage). My baby brother and both of my partners ran around behind me, my brother wearing a loose tank top that makes his scars visible.

"I need to tell you that you all helped keep me alive."

He blinked at me as I continued, "I was a kid in high school in the early 90s. I lived in the middle of nowhere in Pennsylvania, and what you all were doing was so loud and so out there that even I heard about your work. It was one of the things that kept me alive. So thank you, and please thank the rest of the Sisters."

I heard about them through people in my parents' church complaining about them, and then I sought more information through the beginning of the internet, through newspapers, through anything I could find. I found the cover of Newsweek that one of the Sisters was on. I read about their "exorcism" of fundamentalist preachers whose books sat on the shelf in my parents' basement and probably still do. I saw how loud and colorful and unapologetically queer they were.

The knowledge that someone was out there, so full of defiant joy, refusing the shame that people kept trying to put on them? Oh, that kept me alive. I saw them, and I knew I could make it through. I wrapped my hands around that knowledge, and I held on so tight.

It took me a long time - a long, long time - to unwind most of it for myself and get to the point where my fat butch ass was sitting bare-chested in the July breeze, looking up at him as he held out his arms and said "you're actually giving me chills." I answered, "I mean every word. You helped keep me alive. So thank you."

I never know what to say when people come up to me in public and tell me that I helped them or changed their life in some way. I appreciate it, and I genuinely love the people who apologized for "fanpersoning" at me last weekend, I just never know what to say. I'm incredibly grateful that the Sister I spoke to was incredibly gracious, saying "usually we give blessings, but I feel like you blessed me." Another member of the party let me pet their tiny dog, who was not very interested in me, and that's okay. It was an overwhelming day. Then, they moved on.

Me? I'm still sitting with the fact that I looked last weekend into the faces of people who didn't know they were holding my head above water, and that I got to tell them the work they do matters. It's a rare thing to get to tell someone, "You saved me," and I'm treasuring it.

Last weekend, I wore my new battle vest with nothing underneath it, unless it was too hot, and then I just sat in my chair, chatting and ringing ppl out with my skin free to the air. I decided last year that top surgery isn't for me, but that also I'm going to love this body unapologetically, and it's no less a transmasculine body because the soft new dark hair on my belly isn't accompanied by pink scars along my ribs.

I didn't get here on my own. I got here because someone else cut through the undergrowth ahead of me so I could take another step forward. Here I am, decades later, still taking step after step, one at a time, and trying to lay paving stones behind me.

Last weekend was another step along that way, another step through unwinding the fear and shame and sadness that my parents and their church built into me. Another step out of hating myself for hiding parts of myself for so long, for acting out in other ways to distract people from my queerness, for feeling so much guilt when other people tell me I'm brave, because I know how much of myself I hid for how long because I was a coward, because I was afraid.

Another step into expiating stigmatic guilt.

[communistkenobi]

struggling to reconcile my dislike of the use of “choice” in relation to transgenderism. sex assignment itself is not a choice and I don’t find it meaningful or helpful to think I “chose” to be transgender. in fact there were many things I “chose” to do prior to transitioning to make this feeling go away and it did not. Choice is further wrapped up in intentionally de-politicised ideas about social action and agency, constantly positioned in opposition to “structure” or “social pressure” or what have you. “Choice” is what happens only in the absence of domination, it is the expression of the “individual” trapped within us all. What this leaves you with is a subject who appears to rise above the power of history, making decisions ‘of his own free will’ in spite of all this violence as a result of, um, well that’s not important! Let’s not look at the law or the state or history to see where these ideas of personal individual freedoms come from or how they are themselves enforced through violence. It’s just an individual acting on his desires! To “choose to be trans” in popular consciousness means to be given the privilege of being free from patriarchal social pressures. And this is a line terfs often use - trans people are reinforcing patriarchy by deluding ourselves into thinking we can “simply choose” to be another gender. I think committing to the idea of choice as a concept and all its attendant ideological baggage (overwhelmingly structured by bourgeois legal frameworks in the popular imaginary) forces you into some deeply flawed analyses of power and domination.

And I likewise hate that the other dominant framework is “born this way/born in the wrong body” because of how it naturalises the very political and violent nature of sex assignment and its embeddedness within state census data, administrative architecture, the pathologisation of sex and desire (all of which are not natural or eternal), and so on. furthermore I deeply respect the position other trans people have when they say that they chose to be transgender - outside of conversations of individual validity, I think that is a politically useful and powerful way to position yourself. Even if we were to accept that being transgender is fully a choice, people would still do it, because being trans is not disgusting or shameful. I am not a sick individual, or a tragedy, or a danger to others, I am transgender and that is an incredibly meaningful and fulfilling part of my life. To frame this as a sexual perversion or life-long condition means reinforcing the idea that transgenderism is a shameful deformity (we have much in common with our disabled & intersex comrades in this regard), that the cissexual body is the exclusive site of beauty and authenticity.

And so this is where I find the idea of autonomy much more useful - while ‘choice’ is situated as a thing that individuals do, autonomy is power that is granted to you. I can’t meaningfully demand choice as a political goal, but I can demand autonomy. I don’t want choice, I want the autonomy to act on my desires, and the way that will happen is through the state provision of free hrt, surgery, name and gender marker changes, and so on. Autonomy feels like a much more productive articulation of “choice” because it necessitates that we think about who and what grants autonomy, for what purposes, in which contexts. Who gives a shit about choices! Transgenderism is not a social position an individual can have in society, it is produced through cissexualism, through state and medical sex assignment, through coercion and pathologisation and violence - all of which can be changed.

As a direct comparison, I don’t think people should be given the “choice” to have an abortion, but the autonomy to do so - sure you can choose to get one, but unless there is the medical, financial, and social infrastructure available to you to act on that decision, then that is not a meaningful choice you can “make.” Abortion being legal (and therefore an action you are granted the ‘choice’ to take) doesn’t mean it is actually realisable as a decision, it just means that whoever already has the power & resources to act on that legality will, and those that don’t, won’t. Who decides which people have those resources and which don’t? Well let’s not worry about that, the important thing is that people have choices!

[timbradfordslover]

Pairing: Tim Bradford x fem reader roommate

Warnings: surgery, Sergeant Grey foreshadowing

A/N: this takes place in season 5 episode 5 and is based on Selena Gomez's new single with Benny Blanco and Gracie Abrams.

Summary: You are best friends with Tim and have feelings for him. However he is with Ashley who annoys you.

Word Count : 2100+

Call Me When You Break Up

You and Tim have been best friends for years (maybe even more), and he’s also your roommate. He’s been there through all your hardships on and off the job. You would stay up and talk about everything even when you were taking off your makeup. It would be anything from weird situations on patrol to TV shows you both watched. But then he started dating Ashely after he worked with her father Jerry on that scavenger hunt; everything changed.

“Ugh, Ashely is here again.” You groan as Angela sits at her desk. 

“What’s so bad about that?” Angela asks as she starts looking at the case file she just got. 

“She’s annoying. Her voice is high-pitched, and she’s always interrupting us when we are trying to do our jobs. Even at home she just randomly shows up unannounced.” You explain to her as you both look across the room where Ashley is kissing Tim obnoxiously. 

“Ah, I see. You're jealous, “she concludes with a smirk. 

Recently you have been battling the lack of you and Tim. Going on dates with strangers and ending up in their beds just to suppress your feelings in the basement. 

“I—I am not,” you say defensively while still stuttering lightly.

“Mhmm,” she replies, clearly not believing you, but she knows you all too well. 

“Look, I’m emotionally bankrupt. It wouldn’t work out between us.” You say back. 

“From what I’ve heard, he doesn’t seem so happy with her. He never speaks about her when I talk to him. I’m sure he’s got feelings for you that he’s too scared to admit. “Angela says trying to reassure you. 

“Thanks, but unless he calls me when they break up, I won’t believe it.” you say back 

₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩ 

“We should let Marshal pick the restaurant for all the sergeants' meetings,” Sergeant Grey says to Tim when they come back from the garage area. 

  “Nah, Ashley’s got me on this whole 30 diet, no bread,” he replies.

“You’re missing out,” Sergeant Grey says back. 

‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧₊˚✩ 🪐 

“7-Adam-7 back up is needed at St. Stephen’s hospital; be advised the homicide suspect has disappeared within the hospital and is now on lockdown,” dispatch informs over the radio in your shop. 

You nod at your rookie, Sara Murphy, and she picks up the radio and says, ”7-Adam-7, show us responding “. 

“Good job, Boot.” You say as you hit the lights and sirens and head to the hospital. 

‧₊‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚ 

When you walk into the hospital, you see Chen, Nolan, and Jaurez in the waiting room with Tim, who looks like he’s in pain.

“What happened?” you ask as you rush over to him as he winces when Lucy tries to get him into a chair.

“Nothing. I’m fine,” he says, clearly lying.

“No, you're not.” Lucy says before turning to you, "He took down a suspect, and his back started acting up.” 

You look around, find the closest nurse, and wave them over.

“Lucy, you go with him, and I’ll let Sergeant Grey know that he cannot act as a supervisor. Murphy, I want you to help Nolan and Jaurez find the suspect. Do everything he tells you to do until I come back.” You explain taking charge because with Tim out of commission, you are now senior officer on scene. 

“Yes, ma’am. “. Your rookie says, as you leave to go call Sergeant Grey. 

₊‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊ 

“Oh, there you two are,” Sergeant Grey says as he steps into the observation room where Lopez and Harper are. 

“Are you ok?” Lopez asks. 

“Yeah, you’re looking kind of shiny.” Harper says. 

“Yeah, I’m just feeling kind of warm. Anyway, I thought you two should know: Y/L/N called from the hospital; Tim’s out of commission, and there’s a homicide suspect on the loose. I got to go over to be a supervisor.” 

“There’s a killer in the hospital with my mother, and is Tim ok?” Lopez asks, concerned for her best friend and mother. 

“I don’t know the details on Tim yet, but your mother will be fine. I assigned Thorsen to her door.”. 

‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧ 

After you call Sergeant Grey, you join the search for the homicide suspect. 

“How’s it going at home with Ashley being around?” Murphy, your rookie asks. 

“Boot, you know I don’t do personal questions,” you say back. 

“To be clear, you said no personal questions in the shop.” She shoots back. 

“Very well. Ashley is nice and all, but she’s there too often. She’s always leaving the kitchen a mess, and I can’t even talk to Tim when I need to because they're always making out or in his room and doing you know what. And I think I smelled my perfume on her last week. “You reply, sounding slightly confused about her possibly using your perfume. 

“Oh, I see. You can’t even talk to him about it because she is always there and knowing you like to keep personal issues separate from work, so you can’t even talk to him about it.” Sara concludes 

“Exactly,” you reply. 

“You know you guys are so alike,” she says. 

“What do you mean?” you ask, concerned. 

“Well, from what Lucy has told me, you both are very professional and keep your personal lives separate, and you kind of have your own versions of ‘Tim Tests”. She explains. 

“That reminds me I should probably go call Ashely and Genny and make sure they know he’s here,” you say, trying to change the subject.

‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧₊˚✩ 🪐 

Once you radio that the south wing is clear, you both step towards the elevator just as Sergeant Grey steps out. 

“Oh, hi, Sir,” you say, greeting him before he passes out on the floor in front of you two.

“Oh no. I’ll go find a doctor,” Sara says to you before running off.

“Thank you,” you call after her as you check his pulse and call it in.

‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧₊˚✩ 🪐 

“Good thing I was on the Whole30 diet; food poisoning is no joke, “Tim says to Sergeant Grey in their shared hospital room. 

“Oh, ahh, Marshal can never pick the breakfast place again.” Sergeant Grey groans in the bed next to him.

You walk into their room with Lucy and Sara in tow. 

“This is kind of fun. It’s kind of like a sleepover,” Lucy says lightheartedly while Sara giggles quietly next to her. 

 Sergeant Grey rolls over and groans. 

“Should I call the nurse?” Lucy asks, concerned. 

“No, no, no, you need to get back to the station immediately,” he says while clearly in pain.

“What? Why?” Lucy asks, confused.

“Well, with both of us out of commission “, Tim starts while looking at you. 

“And me having to lead the search in finding the homicide suspect.” 

“And based on seniority, Smitty's in charge.” You both explain while looking nervous.

“Oh, OHHH,” Lucy says once she understands. 

“You’re still standing there,” Sergeant Grey says. 

“If you need anything, just call me, Lucy,” you say to her, and she thanks you before running out the door.

‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧₊˚✩ 🪐 

“You know it’s ok to be nervous, Tim,” Sergeant Grey says to reassure Tim about his surgery. 

“I know, but I may or may not be able to walk after this. I’m going to go use my legs while I still can.” He says getting out of bed and putting on his hospital slides. 

He stumbles into the hallway and sees a strange man that has blood on his scrubs. He knows it's the homicide suspect, so he tries to stop him, but he’s too weak from the fragment in his spine. 

Sergeant Grey hears the commotion and comes out to see what's going on. 

The suspect pushes Tim against the wall hard and runs and pushes Sergeant Grey as he escapes. A doctor runs down the hall and immediately takes Tim’s face in his hands, and Ashley runs over to them. 

“The fragment must have moved closer to his spinal cord, and that's what's causing his paralysis. We need to do surgery now.” The doctor explains to her. 

“Call my sister but don’t tell Y/N,” Tim says as Sergeant Grey walks over. 

‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧₊˚✩ 🪐 

A couple of days later, while you're out with your friends, your phone rings. 

“Hey, can you come back soon?” Tim asks when you pick up the phone. 

“Yeah, are you ok?” You ask worriedly because he’s still on leave from his surgery. 

“Yeah, I’m fine; I just need to see you,” he says a little nervously at the other end.

“Ok, I’ll be back soon," you reply, and you say goodbye to your friends.

‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧₊˚✩ 🪐✩˚₊‧₊˚✩ 🪐 

When you get home, you see Tim lounging on the couch with a beer sitting on the coffee table with the Rams game on. He’s wearing a tight grey short-sleeved shirt and grey sweatpants. Kojo is behind him in his bed, and once he hears the door shut, he happily runs over to you. He sits patiently at your feet as you take off your shoes and hang your pink Coach purse on the stand by the door. 

“Hi, Kojo, "you greet while bending down to pet him. Once you stand and head over to the couch, you gesture for him to follow you. 

“So, what’s up?” you ask Tim as you and Kojo plop down on the couch next to him. 

He sighs nervously, grabs the remote next to him, and shuts the TV off. He takes a sip of his beer and turns his body to face you once he sets the bottle back down on the brown table in front of you. 

“Well, Ashley broke up with me about a week ago," he says. 

“I’m sorry, how do you feel about it?” You ask, sort of concerned. 

“Well, at first, I was really upset considering she did break up with me right after I got out of surgery. “ He explains, looking at Kojo next to you. 

“She did what?” You ask loud enough to startle him and Kojo. 

He swallows, obviously not expecting you to react so abruptly.

“Yeah, that’s not even the worst part. She broke up with me because I didn’t want to retire. She didn’t want to go through what she’s been going through with Jerry,” he said. 

“That makes me like her even less,” you grumble.

“Wait, you didn’t like her?” He asks, not knowing about your disapproval. 

“Not at all. She was annoying,” you groan.

“What did she do that annoyed you?” He inquires, looking confused and concerned at the same time.

“Well, for starters, she would leave stuff out in the kitchen, and I'm pretty sure I smelled my perfume on her a couple of times,” you explain to him, clearly grateful that she wouldn’t be around anymore.

“Well, why didn’t you come to me when you had a problem with her?” He asks, sort of hurt, that you didn’t say anything. You were best friends after all. 

“That’s another thing,” you start. “She was all over you so much that I couldn’t. You were always making out on the couch or doing who knows what in your room. Even at work I couldn’t escape it. I felt alone; all I had was Kojo, who I’m incredibly grateful for,” I say, turning toward him and petting his head. 

“I’m sorry you felt so alone because of me. It’ll never happen again. And I mean it,” he says with a sad look on his face.

“It’s ok; it wasn’t your fault. So, was that what you needed to see me about?" You ask nervously, thinking there might be more to it than just talking about him breaking up with Ashley. 

“Not exactly,” he says while sighing nervously. “I’ve been trying to figure out how to tell you this for a while now, but I've been so scared to ruin our friendship. I’m just going to come out and say it. I’ve been in love with you for at least a year now." He finally confesses.

You look at him shocked with your mouth agape. You didn’t expect him to confess.

“I’m in love with you too,” you finally say. 

“So, all those nights you were gone didn’t mean anything?” He asks, remembering times you would go out and not come home until the next day with the same clothes on. 

“No, I tried every possible replacement to surpass my feelings for you once you started dating Ashley. I could hear you two the nights I was here. “You explained. 

He leans closer and cups your face gently and begins kissing you. You immediately start kissing him back as his soft lips brush against yours. You place your hand on his leg, and he lifts you up and sets you down in his lap, but then you remember his surgery and pull back. 

“Tim, you literally had major surgery; what are you doing?” You ask heavily worried.

“I’m fine; I just want to hold you,” he protests with a cute, pouty face. “Also you taking charge the other day was hot”.

You climb off of him as you giggle at him and stand up and stick your arm out for him to grab. 

“Come,” you say, and he stands up carefully and holds your hand.

You lead him into your room carefully, and Kojo follows closely. Kojo jumps on the foot of the bed while you sit by the pillows.

“Come lay down,” you say, gesturing to the space next to you.

He carefully rounds the front of your queen-sized bed and lies flat on his back. 

Once you make sure he’s not in pain, you lean over, kiss his forehead, lay your head on his chest, and settle close to his side.

“I don’t think I've ever been in your room before,” he mutters above you. 

“There never was a reason to,” you respond below him.

“There is now,” he chuckles softly.

[fluffeebunzzz]

Love and Deepspace ✨️

The LI's being parents - Xavier, Rafayel, Zayne, Sylus and Caleb

Self insert x Reader

Warnings - none, Fluff, slight angst with Caleb if you squint on the song.

🌟 Xavier: I think would be a boy dad, I can totally see him with your son passed out on his shoulder. Taking after his dad with his excessive amount of sleep bordering on concerning. His soft little sighs as his little hands hold onto Xavier's shirt while his Dad just plops himself down onto the floor inbetween your legs. Leaning his back against the couch and leaning his head back to look at you from his position. "Requesting head rubs for me and our little star?" Who are you to deny the both of them? You have two hands, after all.

🐟 Rafayel: Rafayel is a girl dad through and through. He would be the type to spoil the hell out of your daughter and when she develops his over dramatic antics he's regularly requesting back up from you.

It all started when Thomas gifted her an artist Barbie for her birthday and since then your daughters been trying to paint everything she could get her hands on. It also didn't help that the paint she procured was from Rafayels reject bin, a mass of shades and paints that didn't pass his quality test. "No sweet pea, you can't use that shade of green, its bad. It would clash, here let me get you-", "You're bad Papa!" She would shout back at him in a childish outburst that only a toddler could do so confidently. Confidently enough that it would leave Rafayel flabbergasted while he watches her proceed to paint her Barbie car that horrible seafoam green he hated while he yells for you to come help him.

"Y/N, OUR SWEET PEAS BEEN POSSESSED."

⛄️ Zayne: Whole heartedly believe he would be a girl dad, no question about it. I can see him reading her bedtime stories and being the one to provide emergency surgeries to her stuffed animals. "Mr.Stuffins hurt his paw again? Where'd he get hurt this time snowflake?" Through fat tears holding Mr.Stuffins disembodied limb your daughter would bable back, "H-he got caught on t-the slide when I went down and I hurt him." Smiling softly he'd wipe her tears away and pat her head gently before taking the limb from her hands. "It's okay sweetheart, Papa's going to fix him right up. Do you want to help hold him steady?" Letting her know it's okay and so she can get closure on accidently hurting her stuffie.

🐦‍⬛ Sylus: Sylus I can see as having two daughters with you. You're currently pregnant with your second while sitting on the couch next to Sylus. All the while your 3 year old is digging through your hair supplies, determined to make her dad pretty. Grabbing handfuls of butterfly clips and star clips to press in, she's creating sporadic patches of hair that sticks up in small pigtails. Her hands clap together in joy as her work comes together while Sylus is gently teasing her - "Be careful, little bird. You're going to make your dad go bald." Giggles erupting from her as she grabs another clip with red gems surrounding it, reaching her small hand out to his for his approval before he laughs and gives the go ahead. (Do you or do you not feel Bonita Sylus?)

🍎 Caleb: Caleb would 100% be a dad to twins, 1 boy and 1 girl. He was absolutely ecstatic when you told him, clearing off his schedule for the next two weeks leaving Liam to handle things unless under dire means. He's immediately taking you to pick out nursery supplies, making the spareroom in Skyhaven into their nursery and getting giddy over baby clothes with you. He's already plotting out decorative themes, airplanes, ships, apples, sunflowers, you name it. His favorite nursery find in particular was the windchimes he found while picking up formula that you could program to play certain songs - his go to song for it was "You are my Sunshine".

He also knew that the pregnancy was going to take it's toll on you just due to the nature of it being twins and thus after giving birth to your twins he purchased a twin holster. That way he could keep the two strapped to his chest while they slept against him while he cooked dinner for the both of you. Your son was starting to get fussy when Caleb crouched down to grab a pot to start his soup base in as he rubs a soothing hand against his back bouncing himself on one heel as he stands. "Shhh, its okay peanut I got you. Mama's resting, are ya hungry?" He'd offer, reaching into the fridge and moving to heat up some of the milk stored for your babies. Swiftly popping a warm bottle into your sons mouth, while checking on your daughter who's still out cold on his chest. Listening to the quiet content sighs your son was making while drinking Caleb starts humming a soft nonsensical tune to himself, or should I say it's only nonsensical if you havent heard the song that would play on the windchimes in their nursery. Caleb continues cooking for you and your family. He's forever grateful to you for being back in his life and for gifting him his sunflower babies.

[separatetheyolk]

I need need neeeeeed headcanons of a trans!reader and Lewis Hamilton featuring Isack Hadjar, they’re little selfie moment is living rent free in my head rn

Lewis Hamilton X Trans!Driver!Reader

ʚɞfeaturing: Lewis Hamilton & Isack Hadjar

ʚɞ Trans!Driver!Reader headcannons

ʚɞ contents: mentions of needles, surgery, media, dysphoria obvs

ʚɞ word count: 1,135

ʚɞ note: trans man reader intended. He/him pronouns used.

✰ Coming out:

He was a little blind sighted at first

Initially, you took that as he was against the whole thing

He quickly cleared that up

If over text/phone call, he'd go over the very basics with you. Name, pronouns, if there were any plans on coming out publicly, who knew, how should he address you to others, that kinda thing

He'd save the more in depth topics to talk about in person. Whether that would be in a few hours or a few weeks

Transition goals, coming out to the public/family/friends if you haven't by the time he's home, things he can do to make your life easier, how he should address transphobia, so on so forth

This man would RESEARCH

Like im talking what would usually be a minimalist phone/laptop with about 4 tabs open at any one time would turn into an absolute shambles of about thrity tabs and 4 separate notes

Would absolutely buy a new notebook JUST for writing down what he's learnt

If you learnt about this he would turn into a blushing, stuttering mess

Would absolutely help you come out to the rest of the drivers/crews if you needed. Would tell them for you if you decide that's best

Would absolutely drive home his support for the LGBT community, support/fund charities, create spaces for them in racing, stand out against injustices

✰ Transition:

The first thing that would be discussed in regards to your transition would be what would you want done

He'd make a list

Though obviously would leave it open for you to add or take away things

Take things at your pace

With your permission, he'd probably take care of the forms side of things such as name changes, gender markers, new passports, visas, paddock passes

Would help you to plan your transition around the F1 seasons

For the sake of easiness on my part we'll say you want top surgery and testoseterone a short haircut and all the things that come with a social transition

Would help you find a barber you like and would make sure they're LGBT friendly and do home visits. Partly for your comfortablility with not wanting to be stared at by other clients but also because media, fans, photos, big nono

Would help you gain your diagnosis of gender dysphoria

Then would help you with getting testosterone

Obviously, because of going on testosterone, the question of kids/egg freezing would come up

Essentially, it came down to Lewis is 40 now, you're both focusing on careers, but you never know so best to just freeze them. Just incase

If you don't use them? Eh, oh well.

If he's afraid of needles (?? The guy shits himself at the sight of an onion but drives f1 cars and scares tigers so i really dont know?? He also has tattoos? But so do I and i'm still scared of them so??) he'd get over them to help you with T shots

Sit there and massage your thigh if it started to hurt after the shot/if your nerves start to get shot from the injections. Would not stop unless you say your uncomfortable or the pain dies down

Would wait on you hand and foot after your top surgery.

Absolutely advocate for you medically if you needed him to. "He's struggling to keep down food" "He said he's in pain. Can you up the pain medication or no?" "Hey, just calling to ask if we can loosen the bandages at all? He say's the drains feel like they're cutting his skin"

Bad dysphoria day? "Here babe, take my hoodie" "You need some privacy?" "Come on, lets get you away from these cameras" "I know you don't like wearing the race suit but you can't race in your binder" "Lazy day? Sure, we can do that"

If and when you're comfortable, he'd 100% worship your body. He might not 100% understand why you dislike it, but damn he's gonna help you to like it even if it's just for an hour

He'd either stand in front of wind to block it or direct you out the way of it to stop it from showing your waist and chest because he can't have you feeling uncomfortable :(

Just small things like that. Things that most probably wouldn't even think of but he does

✰ Fashion:

He would defo help you explore mens fashion

I mean, this is Sir Lewis Hamilton afterall

He'd keep mental notes of what styles you liked, the different cuts, the fabrics, even ones you'd shown intrest in but too scared to try on

He'd also probably take mental notes of what shirts you liked but didn't want to buy due to lack of top surgery

And then would buy them for you after you've had it and healed

Ofc, lots of baggy clothing and hoodies on standby too

Would probably start wearing them more often for you incase you ever needed it

If he's not wearing one it's probably in a bag

Would teach you how to layer clothes to hide your waist

Notices how your jeans are too long length wise but fit your waist so offers to get them tailored

Quickly learns what colours hide shadows of your chest better

When bad dysphoria days fall on hot days and you're wearing thick clothing, this man is reminding you to drink more than a race engineer

Would sneak off to help you put your binder on before any podium celebrations regardless on weather your up there or not

Because sweaty, binder sticks, get stuck if you attempt to put it on alone

Eventually FIA had to stop fining you for being late after your team and fans threw the word "discrimination" around

Defo have like 5 different binders

✰ Media:

Lewis isn't typically one for confrontation in public. Though would absolutely stand by you in boycotting from races in *cough*certain*cough* countries.

If you're in a photo and you decide you don't like it, photo will immediately be deleted and another will be taken without you in it if thats what you want. Zero questions asked

More recently the selfie with Isack. He knew immediately you hated it. He prompted Isack to delete it then encouraged him to take a new selfie without you in it

He was a little confused

Lewis let you explain in private

Say no more, first photo deleted

Doesn’t take a single "joke" photo of you, doesn’t post any photos online with you in them without your permission. Even if you're barely recognisable in the background and it's on his private accounts

Honestly, Isack would be an absolute sweetheart about it all

Lewis would block you from cameras if needed

Tbh most of the grid would do that

Basically, the guy would be your absolute rock.

[kjsasha]

I Wish I Could Live Again - YJH

Pairing : Ghost!Jeonghan X Female Reader

Genre : Smut, supernatural, a bit of humour and sadness, strangers-to-something.

W.C : 3K+

Warnings : Dom!Jeonghan, kind of sub!Reader, making out, fingering, oral (both receiving), unprotected sex (be wise), rough sex, cuddling (this needs a heads-up too, right?)

NSFW

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

Work hasn't really been easy these past few weeks. Fortunately, we've been granted two major projects from two of the most sought after companies of the decade but the deadlines are nearing and me being the substitute for our department's head for the time being since he's on a leave due to his surgery isn't really very efficient.

But it's not just about work; I've been exhausted for a while now with nowhere or no one to seek comfort in.

After a long day, I ran myself a much needed bath. I put on a pair of  navy blue cotton shorts and before I could grab my t-shirt to put it on, I felt a presence around me.

You know how you get a hunch when there's someone else in the room with you? But here's the issue; I live alone and it's literally around midnight right now. A shiver ran down my spine and I tried to gulp down the lump in my throat before mustering the courage to turn around.

I screamed at the sight in front of me followed by my hands instinctively covering my bosoms. A guy leaning on the wall while biting his nail nonchalantly. He seemed taken aback and checked himself as if he was supposed to be invisible.

"You can see me?", he asked with a little furrow between his brows.

"Of course I can, you thief", I said fidgeting to get my t-shirt with one hand while the other covered my chest.

"What? I'm not-...and it's not something I haven't seen before", he said gesturing towards my boobies with his head.

I hurriedly put my t-shirt on and grabbed the showpiece that was nearby.

"I'm calling the cops", I threatened him with the flower vase.

"Go ahead. Tell them that the ghost in your apartment has become visible out of thin air", he said sliding his hands inside his pockets.

"G-Ghost?", I muttered.

"Yes", he said as if it's something very normal.

"What do you mean?", now I was confused.

"That I'm the spirit trapped in this apartment. I don't know how or why you can see me right now but it has never happened before", he stated, trying to figure it out as his eyes averted to floor.

I tried to chant any holy verse that I could remember but then the guy looked at me as if I was doing something utterly offensive.

"Relax, woman. You've been living with me for about a year and a half now. I'm not gonna eat you now, unless you want me to eat you out", he said with a little smirk.

"What do you mean we-we've been living together?", colours were about to drain away from my body and the horror was visible in my eyes. The guy seemed to find it amusing.

He took three tentative steps towards me and I felt my legs backing away on its own accord. "Like I said, I'm bound to this apartment and I can see everything that goes on in here. I've seen you change, though I've been late to most but I've seen you take showers", he took two more steps, "I've seen you touch yourself", two more steps and he was right in front of me while my back was pressed onto my closet, "and I've seen you faking your orgasm when you brought that one night stand of yours", he lowered his voice as he said the last part leaning a bit near my ear.

All the fears that I had, flew away just like that.

"You perverted asshole", I gasped.

"Oh as if you wouldn't have watched me if the roles were reversed. I literally live here 24/7, what else do you expect me to do?"

"I don't know, maybe go to another room when I was clearly having some private moments?", I crossed my arms.

"Well, you always ended up in the places I was already in"

"I didn't know about your existence until now so how was I supposed to know that you were there? You should've moved away", I huffed, "What else have you seen?".

He made an expression of thinking before he spoke, "I've seen you taking a call in the middle of your little fingering session and then lying through your teeth".

"So basically all my intimate moments, you sexually starved perverted man", I said hitting him with the vase that I was still holding and he groaned.

He grabbed the vase from my hand and caged me against the closet with his hands on either side of me.

Author's Pov :

Y/N : "What are you doing?"

"I don't know how long you will be able to see me or how long I'll be able to hold you but if I don't do this now, I might regret this for eternity"

"Hm?", she forced it out of her throat and it sounded like a whisper.

"Let me feel you once, please", his face inched closer.

She was taken aback.

"Consider it just one of your one night stands if that makes it easier", his nose touched hers.

Something about him made her feel intoxicated. Rationality didn't seem to matter at that moment and she couldn't help but ask herself 'Will it be too bad to give in?'. Like on autopilot, she raised her head up and her lips brushed his.

His right hand held the side of her neck as he pressed his lips on Y/N's and when he didn't find her pushing him away, he kissed her like he meant it. As she pulled away to breath, a small laugh escaped through her lips.

"What is it?", he asked.

Y/N : "You don't smell"

He : "Ouch, just because I'm dead, doesn't mean I smell"

Y/N : "You look cute when you whine"

"Do I?", he said as he picked her up by the back of her thighs and took her to the bed.

"Umhm", she nodded.

He put her on the mattress gently and brushed a stray strand of hair off her face.

"You're beautiful"

"Is it your way of getting inside my pants?"

"You're gonna let me do that anyway"

"Aren't you a bit too confident?"

"Maybe", he kissed her jaw and trailed it to her collarbones. She felt his teeth graze her skin but she could care less about the marks right now. His hands caressed her body and her clothes were piled up on the floor soon after.

He took one of her nipples in his mouth and bit on it lightly as his hand moulded the other all the while keeping his eyes on her face.

He kissed down to her belly to her inner thigh and before she could assess the hot electricity coursing through her body, his wet cavern licked her bundle of nerves. As he delved his tongue in her core, her back arched off the mattress and her fingers interlaced with his beautiful hair.

"Oh...god", she couldn't help but moan at his ministrations. He held her by the hips to keep her in place as his tongue did its magic. Her orgasm was on the verge of snapping when he thought now was the time to be a jerk and pull away. She tried to push his head back where she needed but he had the audacity to laugh at that moment.

"Trust the process", he said before kissing her lips. While their mouths melded together, she felt his hand near her womanhood before one of his fingers rubbed her slit. Once his digit was coated in her slick, he pushed it into her hole. After depriving her of her release, the intrusion felt delicious. Pumping it a few times, he added another one.

"Has no one been stretching this tight little cunt properly?"

As he pushed a third into her, she held onto his shoulders with a gasp. He pressed his forehead on hers, "Let it go for me", he curled his fingers, "Cum, angel".

As if on cue, the knot in her core untied and her vision almost went white by its intensity.

"This can't be faked, can it?", he showed his hand glistening in her arousal with a proud grin.

She sat up and he got on his knees.

"Your turn", she said as she held the end of his shirt to take it off.

He got off the bed and unbuckled his belt and unzipped his pants leaving him in his boxers. She wanted to take a moment to appreciate how divine he looked and then her eyes drifted to the bulge in his pants, "See something you like?", he quirked an eye brow.

"That needs to go", she pointed at his boxers and he just chuckled before taking it off too, releasing his dick out of its confines.

He's hard and the tip's swollen and red with beads of precum on it. She neared the edge of the bed and reached for his member. It felt heavy in her hand and she lowered her head to give it a lick. As she took the head in her warm mouth and began to suck on it, his hand went to her hair and grabbed a fistful of it. When she tried to fit in as much of him as she could until her gag reflex kicked in and tears accumulated in her eyes, his grip tightened around her hair as he groaned.

He let her set the pace and when she looked up at him, his head was thrown back, bottom lip caught between his teeth and his Adam's apple bobbed up and down.

The view made her want to suck him dry but her plans were sabotaged when he pulled her away and sprawled her back on the bed and hovered her.

Y/N's Pov :

"I wasn't done with you"

"I'm not done with you either", he said entwining my right hand with his and pressing it against the mattress.

His other hand guided his tip along my folds, covering it with my wetness before prodding the head in my core.

I looked down to where he was in me but he raised my chin up with his hand.

"Eyes here", he said and thrusted in when our gaze met.

He kissed me to ease the sting as he pushed it all the way in.

He pulled out a bit and pushed back in, my hand slid up from his chest to the back of his head and soon he picked up his pace.

His thrusts were deep, sweeping against my walls and kissing my cervix delectably that made my toes curl.

"Fuck, fuck, ah"

The lascivious moans and the lewd sounds that our bodies made, reverberated through the room.

The little coil at the pit of my belly was about to go delirious and my walls clenched around his length.

He : "Keep doing that and this will end a lot sooner"

I did it again intentionally and a smirk made its way to my lips when he groaned.

"Brat", he pulled his dick out making me whimper at the loss.

He turned me on my stomach and pulled my ass up before giving it a smack.

"Ah"

He did it again and the burn shot up through my body as he pushed his member back into me.

He plummeted in and out of my heat, the bed followed the rhythm and made noises.

"Oh shit..... don't stop, I'm.....gonna cum", my impending orgasm was just a step away.

He pressed my face into the pillows while his other hand guided my hip.

The second one hit harder than the first and I felt light headed in my rapture as I held onto the bedsheets to try to stabilise myself.

He helped me ride out my orgasm and pulled out before turning me on my back again.

He pushed into me once more but this time a little hiss left my parted lips.

"Hold on for me, angel", he said as he began to impel me on his dick, my body moving up and down due to the force of his thrusts.

His hand squeezed my breast before making its way to my throat. The pressure wasn't painful but just enough to leave an effect. But as he neared his release, the grip tightened to the point of asphyxiating me.

I held onto his back and my nails dug onto his skin involuntarily.

The twitch of his length and the sinfully libidinous noises that he made, pushed me to my third orgasm that I didn't even know I had in me. He followed right after, spilling his load inside of me.

His grip around my neck loosened and he stilled after a few more thrusts.

His face nestled in the crook of my neck and he balanced some of his weight on his arms to not put it entirely on me. We remained like that for a bit, him resting on top of me as we caught our breaths.

He placed a kiss there before pushing himself off and out of me. As he helped me get up and get to the bathroom, a realisation hit me too late, "We did not use a condom-".

"And?"

"And you did not pull out"

"And?"

"What 'and'? I haven't been on any contraceptives lately"

"Relax, I can't get you pregnant. What are you gonna give birth to? Ghosts?", he asked sarcastically with a boyish grin and I hit him on the chest.

I stepped out of the bathroom when he walked into the room with a glass of water for me.

He : "Are you hungry?"

Y/N : "No, are you? I can make some pasta for you"

"I wish I could eat that", he laughed and my mouth formed an 'O' as I processed his words.

"But I can cook for you, I make really good stews", he added.

I lied on the bed and tapped on the spot beside me for him to join me.

As he did, I moved closer to him and he wrapped me in his arms.

"You'll not become invisible again, will you?", I asked.

"I don't know.......but even if I do, I'll still have to be here. You're stuck with me as long as you're in this apartment"

I nestled more into him.

".......Those weren't the only times I've watched you, Y/N", he spoke after a while, as if he was having some thoughts.

"I watched you cry alone because you were missing your dad (he's no more), I watched you lie to your mom about being okay when you had a fever, I watched you doubting yourself, I watched the tears roll down your cheeks when you saw a video online of an old man talking about how he has no one and I watched you work hard late into the night", I kept staring at his face as he continued looking elsewhere.

"You must be wondering why I'm saying all these out of nowhere but I need you to know it and I have to say it now. You're a strong woman, Y/N. You're beautiful, kind and an amazing person. Please, never doubt yourself. I know my existence might not have any significance in your life but know that I'll always be here if you ever need someone to talk. I know I won't be able to tell you anything but I'll listen", I pressed my lips to his, kissing him as my tears threatened to cascade down my cheeks.

The night went on with me in his arms and I had the sleep that I haven't had in years. As the sunlight seeped in through the curtains of my window, I stirred in my slumber. But the absence of his embrace made me open my eyes.

He wasn't around.

I got up and checked the entire apartment before realising that he was gone.

He wasn't my hallucination, that much I'm affirmative about.

I can still feel his touch, I can still feel him.

I stood in front of the mirror and the marks on my skin are fresh and the sensation between my legs is perceptible enough for it to be just in my head.

I remember everything that he said and I'm sure he's somewhere around here, watching me.

I sat back on my bed and looked around.

"I know you're here.......thank you for everything you did and said last night. I wish I had talked and asked more about you. I don't know who you are but you'll always be a part of my life now. You made me feel more like home than I've ever felt. You made me happy, acknowledged...wanted...and I feel like as if I've known you forever. And you even gave me the best orgasms of my life-...why do I feel like you're smiling like a cocky bastard right now?"

Author's Pov :

"Because I am", he said.

He's here and he has been here this whole time. When she woke up, he was right there beside her but then he realised that she couldn't see or hear him anymore, he couldn't touch her anymore; everything was back to how it has been before.

"I don't know what happened to you or why you're stuck in here and I know I'm being selfish but please, be here and never leave me", she said and he could see her eyes glistening. He wanted to reach out to her but he knows he can't.

"I'll always be here"

"Watch me shower, eat, cry or touch myself but just be here. And please...be visible again", the warm tears rolled down her cheeks.

"I didn't even know you existed 12 hours ago but now I feel so attached to you. What kind of sorcery have you done on me?"

"Oh my god", she gasped suddenly and he looked at her with concern, "I don't even know your name", and more tears rolled down.

He couldn't help but smile at that.

"It's Jeonghan", he said.

"Next time, we're gonna talk more, you're gonna make me stews, we can even watch movies and then we can have sex", she said the last part almost inaudibly but Jeonghan heard.

Jeonghan : "If there is a next time, we will"

"I'm gonna go get freshened up now, you stay here", she said with narrowed eyes making him chuckle.

"Yes, princess", Jeonghan bowed her way.

She stopped in front of the bathroom door and turned around.

"Within the span of a few hours, you made me feel the warmth that I've been searching for", she said with a smile before heading in.

"And you made me wish I could live again"

Author : It's something I thought of posting before the month ends. Let me know your thoughts on it.

[cookiekissers]

on my knees. begging. pleading. almond x transman reader hcs . this man is my literal life force istfg 😭

[Almond Cookie x Trans man Reader HCs]

I'M TRANS AND I LOVE ALMOND TOO ANON LET'S FUCKGNI GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Warnings: mild mentions of surgery, needles, and misgendering

Almond Cookie may be older guy but that doesn't mean he doesn't respect you 100%.

If you want reassurance of your gender or masculinity he will comfort you and tell you how handsome you are. None of his compliments are patronizing, he treats you like he would any man and loves you entirely as you are.

If you ever get accidentally misgendered, Almond will glare at the offender and tell them that you are his Boyfriend, and he wants them to apologize to you. It's flattering, and a little embarrassing, but he loves you so much that he can't stand any disrespect towards you.

On days when you are feeling low and your dysphoria is getting to you, Almond will notice quickly and subtly slip in affirmations during your conversations

When you decide to go on testosterone, Almond Cookie will help give you your shots if you're squeamish around needles.

If you're fine doing your shots by yourself but sometimes forget to do the injections on time, he will keep a schedule so he can remind you to take them.

You brighten his world completely. He works hard everyday so he can come home to you and relax in your arms.

He wants to marry you so bad, like SO BAD. Almond will think about how good you will look in a wedding suit while he's at work and make himself flustered.

His coworkers will lightly tease him about his clear softness towards you. Almond will huff and tell them to get back to work, but just the mention of you, his wonderful boyfriend, will have him smiling to himself all day

Regardless of how busy Almond is with work, he will make time for you. Either that's dates or doctors appointments for your transition

Before you came out to Almond, either pre-relationship or after you got together, he always had a sense that you were a trans man. Not to say that it was obvious, but he's a detective, so Almond is good at picking up on small details like that.

But Almond won't bring up the conversation of your gender unless you're comfortable talking about it and you come out to him yourself.

Although since he knew ahead of time he ended up reading a few books about transitioning to assist you in the future and to understand all the terms and use them correctly. Almond is dedicated like that.

Almond keeps a picture of you in his wallet/detectives badge just so you're always close to him.

No matter what size your body is, Almond will love you and call you handsome over and over again until you believe it.

If you choose to undergo gender affirming surgery, Almond will be there with you every step of the way. As soon as you come out of the operation room and the anesthesia wears off, he has your hand in his. Telling you the operation went great and that you're so strong.

When you're laying together, Almond will trace your top surgery scars and kiss them.

He wants to grow old with you. To see how you will only grow more handsome with age and time, as your monthly t shots become routine, and you grow more hair and your features become more masculine. He loved you before, but its like falling in love all over again. Seeing how happy you are finally being your true self.

[so-i-did-this-thing]

The pinned post

With a few exceptions, I am pretty niche with my fandoms.

Expect a lot from AMC's The Terror (season 1), and Channel 5/PBS's All Creatures Great & Small (ACGAS).

Here's some things I'm pretty proud of:

Dragoncon 2023 cosplays | Francis Crozier (coat | goldner tins) | Valery Legasov | Sam Vimes

The Terror stitch projects: Hodge's Papist Aunties monologue | Blanky's Boat Axe monologue | Hickey's final monologue

Grumpy mushroom guy

Nick Valentine 50's clothing WIP | Fallout 4 inspired gladstone bag | Fallout matchbooks

Percy de Rolo cosplay

The sexy sexy Halloween costume costume

Armfish holiday card

Pacific Rim Coloring Book

DragonCon 2024: Mysterious Stranger Cosplay

I'm a middle-aged, married trans man! My "trans stuff" tag has a ton of stuff. It's a mix of moods, from humor to recent news in the US. Since the yoots seem to enjoy seeing older trans folks, I'm 47 -- started T at 33, did the top stuff at 40. This is a good post for comparison pics. Also, the beard timeline. My top surgery diary is here.

Fanfic: I like transing characters for my current fandoms, and my latest (all affirming trans masc stuff) for All Creatures Great & Small can be found here.

If you need to de-stress a little, I have several years of nightly photos of my cats under my “good night” tag. Dexter | Ada | Pidge

My wardrobe: Here's links to where I find most of my clothes. Latest fits.

My house: I recently moved from a 2000 condo into a 1940s cape cod. Decor is a WIP and you can see progress here.

Next cosplay: Siegfried Farnon, All Creatures Great & Small (2020 series) | WIP tag. I'd like to update The Mysterious Stranger, but my latest plans will now take me another year. It'll be worth the wait.

How I'm doing: If you haven't caught up with me in a bit, I fled Florida in late 2023 and now live in New England. So, expect lots of new hiking adventures. I have survived federal job cuts so far.

On Asks: I use my judgment on public/private answers to Asks, but if you have something particularly sensitive because you don't want to be outed or something, just ask for a private reply or go Anon/use a burner account. I try to answer all of them, but I do get overwhelmed sometimes, especially when my ADHD gets bad.

Pet Peeve: Unless I am in cosplay or deliberately evoking a certain vibe, "hey, you look like so-and-so"s are some of the most derailing, annoying, often demoralizing (Villains? HP characters? Really?), and least interesting comments I get. Please stop doing it, especially where I am not OP. I have one main style icon and here he is but even then, I am my own person.

On Blocks: My petty block is people saying I look/dress like Sam Reich. Please learn how to read clothes. I don't watch his show; his wardrobe and mine are nothing alike. Seriously, I don't look like him, I look more like these guys if you really want to comment on a resemblance. Ultimately, the reason for blocking is too many of you are weirdos who tag him into my posts. Knock it off.

[lightofraye]

Debunking Nonsense Against Jared

There's apparently some crap about Jared that is just absolute nonsense. Full of lies and bullshit.

It'd be one thing if people just didn't like him. It happens. Not everyone is likeable. You're not expected to like him. But don't pull up lies to explain why you don't like him. Especially when they've been debunked again and again and again.

1. The "racist" tattoo. Y'all, this is nonsense. It's been debunked over and over and over. It's not a racist tattoo. For one, it's lacking the logo of "Come and take it", which would make it a racist tattoo. But a lone star above a cannon does not a racist tattoo make.

Jared is a proud Texan. He also donates to many a charity and organization that help people, speaking out about them often. Not to mention, prior to pro-gun rights appropriating the symbol and logo, it stood for a proud history in Texas. Jared would've known.

So how about instead of focusing on a mere tattoo, come up with more proof that Jared is a racist? Hmm?

Besides, if you're mad at Jared's tattoo, are you then mad at Jensen's t-shirt, which did show the saying as well?

2. Fighting with fans online. Oh come on. Misha's done it. (Misha's done worse, in fact.) Danneel's done it. Jared doing it does not a bad person make. And I don't think he's done it in a long time.

And of course, people will go "Danneel was hitting back!" And? What's the difference? Jared was hitting back too. Danneel went a step farther most of the time, siccing her followers on them, threatening them with Clif, even ran crying to Clif because people were being "mean".

3. RE: Prequelgate. Give me a fucking break! Jared was right to be upset! He called and texted Jensen for hours before he gave up and responded to that tweet about The Winchesters announcement. Jensen also lied about not being allowed cellphones on The Boys set. When they weren't filming, they were allowed. (Of course they can't have their cellphones on their person during filming, unless it suited the scene!) Besides all that, Jared honestly didn't know about it! Kripke was even shocked when he learned Jared didn't know! Supernatural and its legacy is as much Jared's as it was Jensen's! The whole freakin' industry gave Jensen a massive side-eye for his unprofessional behavior. Kevin Smith, a man who has directed, written, and acted in the industry, thought it was uncool. Also, Jared wasn't drunk.

4. Supposed bully accusations. I'd need to see more of this to believe it, but outside of occasionally putting Misha in his bullshit place, I've never heard of Jared bullying anyone. Everyone he's worked with has sung his praises. The only one who hasn't is Misha and that's because Jared won't let Misha put him down. And in fact, has had to step in to stop Misha from torturing Jensen. So fuck off with your noise.

5. His fanbase. Is he now responsible for his fanbase? I never knew that. What about Misha's fanbase sending Jensen death threats for denouncing Destiel? Has Misha ever stopped that? What about AAs hoping for Jared to suicide after Walker was cancelled?

6. What about Genevieve? Oh come on! Do I like that Gen is featuring the kids a lot? Myself, no. But if Jared was truly bothered by it, I'm sure he would've spoken to Genevieve. And Gen isn't any different than many other mommy influencers. I'm not keen on exploiting the kids like that, but would you say the same about Danneel abruptly grabbing the kids at Wales Comic Con and dragging them out for a photo op? All because she had no one in line for her autographs and desperate for attention?

7. Jared's Hair. Apparently there are some claiming Jared had gotten hair plugs. My response to that is: So what? Misha's had plastic surgery (trust me, it's obvious--his eyes and clearly lip fillers). Danneel's had worse--her hair is fried, bad extensions, plastic surgery galore that has ruined her hair line because of facelifts, fillers, Botox, and breast implants (twice!). Jensen's likely had a bit of work too.

So. Fucking. What. About Jared's hair?

--

Come up with truthful reasons to hate Jared, hmm? Not bullshit.

[is-this-fascism]

i think maybe the only thing that can't be yuri is trans men (unless a trans man feels differently about this)

hi let me tell you all a secret

i'm transmasc and also a lesbian. i consider myself butch. i'm in a relationship with a wonderful girl who is also a lesbian, and we joke about being yuri occasionally.

my pronouns are he/him, i have a beard and a deep voice, i've had top surgery, and to the general public i appear to be a cis man. i like it that way! i believe this aesthetic is as far on the butch side of the butch/femme spectrum as you can get. men, even cis men, can be butch. it just happens to be the default for them due to cultural expectations, so we don't generally think of it like that.

i never felt quite comfortable with the gendered expectations of being in a straight relationship. i've been reading yuri since i was a tween, and back then i considered myself a lesbian too. once i realized i wanted to transition to male, i thought i had to let go of the lesbian label, even though i didn't really feel straight. i even felt guilty and creepy for reading yuri, so i stopped doing it for a while.

i've always related to lesbian romance more than straight romance, so i decided to not let go of the lesbian label for myself. i'm also very lucky to be dating such an understanding girl that can look past my flesh shell and love the real me inside, and our love is very gay, despite appearances.

this may be a rare story, but it is real! yuri, yaoi, gay, straight, man, woman, they're all just words we use to imprecisely attempt to describe an infinitely complex reality. all words are like that. we made them up to create pretty much arbitrary dividing lines, and now most people insist on following those lines to a T. even though many people don't even agree on where those lines lie!

the truth is, words are fake. but love is real. self expression is as fluid as the blood in our veins, and true identities are as numerous as individuals.

and while yes, words are useful as a tool to communicate, they should not be mistaken for the reality they attempt to describe. the beauty of a tool that can change is that you can use it however you want. i will respect your words, and i'd want you to respect mine too. we can use different words to describe the same thing and still agree. there's no point in us telling each other we're using the tool wrong, as long as the job gets done.

what i'm saying is we should all take this stuff a little less seriously. describe yourself however you want, and i'll respect that! you can do whatever you want forever. but in a queer and open minded world, nothing and nobody are exempt from potentially being yuri.

[drdemonprince]

hey! i have a question abt your cruising guide if you don't mind, regarding something that (unless i totally missed sth, in which case i'm very sorry for wasting your time) i felt was completely absent but happens to be my main concern. (i'm already a huge slut, so anonymous/short term sexual encounters in themselves aren't the issue for me.) i'll put it bluntly: how am i supposed to pick anyone up in a gay male cruising space (irl/not on an app) when i look like a woman? i'm not a total stranger to gay bars, which is why i'm very sure that people in a cruising space are far, far more likely to take me as an intruder looking to be pleasantly scandalized than someone like them who they might want to have sex with, not to mention have sex with as a man(-adjacent). i also know it's likely that i'm projecting at least some of my dysphoria onto these hypothetical encounters, but it doesn't seem like an unjustified fear, either. i (fwiw: perisex, afab, some type of agender-nonbinary) have been on t for abt 9 months now, but i haven't had top or bottom surgery (i want both but so far it's unclear when that is going to happen) and my breasts are too large to be really concealed by a binder (not to mention that i can't fuck in a binder bc they give me awful headaches), i'm very short and ~curvy~, i have very little body/no facial hair, and people in casual daily interactions certainly don't hesitate to address me as a woman. it just seems preposterous to assume that there's anything abt me a man looking for another man could be attracted to. i guess it's possible someone could be a chaser after my specific type, but that's not an encounter i want to have right now. as far as my question to you is concerned, i want to have sex with a man who is into men, and at the very least won't see me as a girl wanting to be fucked like a man. i know that there is no way to objectively predict these things, experiences and tastes vary and so on, but i would be extremely grateful if you could share some of your experiences or give me some other pointers for how to approach this/what to expect. as it is, if i were to enter a darkroom, i assume i would be asked to leave, but preemptively telling myself that it's hopeless and to forget abt it for at least the next several years seems unnecessarily cruel, too. if there's any advice or experience you can share, thank you so so so much, and if not, thank you anyway for taking the time to read this letter of woe and for putting your perspective out there, it's been a balm to be understood. wishing you all the best x

Buddy -- it is (largely!) your dysphoria talking! Lots of queer men will wanna fuck you and they will wanna do it in a queer way. I walked around Steamworks fully tiddy out regularly and I had a great time.

It's true that in more general gay bars people will sometimes misread you, and that it will hurt, but trust me that lots of queer men are already attracted to you. If anything, I've noticed that in general queer spaces cis gay men sometimes default to assuming that you won't be interested in them and give a polite distance that they will happily do away with if they know you're looking and welcome their attention. A lot of guys don't want to accidentally be predatory to someone who they think might be a lesbian or not interested in men. (Again, being mistaken for something you are not really fucking sucks and can drive your dysphoria crazy, I get it, but do keep in mind that sometimes people do this out of a desire to be respectful, not because they're turned off that you're such a Womanly Woman or whatever.)

My first recommendation for you would be to GET ON GRINDR. Post some pics that make it clear what you're working with, physically, and list your identity clearly on your profile. When I first got a grindr I had a really slutty abs-and-underboob pic that got me a TON of attention from queer men, who treated me like a man, and it immediately assuaged all my concerns that I wasn't welcome on there. I think it will do a lot for your self-confidence and sense of belonging to try the same too.

Now, I don't want to be pollyannaish about any of this -- yes there are transphobes. In my experience they're mostly pretty quiet to trans men, they'll just pass you by for the most part. Yes there are people who will say awkward things. Block liberally and often and don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. But honestly, these are the kinds of issues you will run into within any dating platform, and the gay world is pretty damn blase and chill about the inclusion of trans men for the most part. You can absolutely put yourself out there -- and the sooner you do, the sooner you'll realize that your insecurities are not rooted in the reality of how other queer men mostly feel.

I wish I had put myself out there YEARS earlier! A lot would have changed for me if I had.

[nightly-raine]

Babygirl dating a trans person

My first post just HAS to be this handsome specimen, I don’t make the rules. Anywaysssss… I was going to add a small fic but maybe next time, for now just headcanons. Also this is obviously very self indulgent but I do want to give my community some food so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Cw: slightly clingy Grim Reaper || Trans reader || fluff || Azreal is called Azzie once :0 ik scandalous.

Tw: slight mentions of suicide and hate crimes done to trans people. Needles are mentioned. Slight nudity but it’s not sexual.

Casper is naive to certain aspects of humans like slangs or texting norms but such a thing like gender and sexuality are not some of them. Believe it or not, he’s actually informed on the basics of it because of some souls he has reaped in the past.

Sadly he knows mostly the grim (haha, Grim. get it?) parts of being transgender. He knows how hard people struggle to the point that they’d take their own lives or that someone else does it in a act of blind hatred. 

When he met you, he could tell right away about your identity. Not in a “you can always tell” way, more like “I know your soul” type of way. But he’ll never pry or mention anything about it unless you do. 

If you know you’re trans, he’ll patiently wait until you tell him but if you don’t know then he’ll let you figure it out on your own. This is a part of human life after all, he won’t take the discovery from you but he’ll be there for you through your journey.

Since he knows the basics of being trans and a lot of it being really depressing, you’ll need to educate on the more happier and deeper aspects of it. This will calm his nerves a bit because as much as he loves to hide it, he’s very afraid of losing you.

Every time you feel dysphoria or feel like you hate life, he’ll cling to your side like a puppy (he denies it but we both know it’s true). Doing all kinds of things to make you happy like putting on your favorite show/movie, getting your favorite snacks or your favorite flowers. 

Though gift giving is a go-to since he can still be shy about showing affection, he’s also very cuddly. If you’re comfortable with it, he’ll shower you in kisses and hug your waist from behind. Don’t let turn around or you’ll see the cutest little flustered expression on his face.

If you aren’t too big on either of those things then he’ll be fine with you giving you words of affection and affirmation. Calling you all sorts of sweet things like my pretty boy/girl, handsome/gorgeous, and my prince/ss

If you want none of those things, then he’ll stay quiet and won’t push it but please let him stay with you. He has seen too many trans people in bad places and he doesn’t want to lose you so please don’t push him away in that sense. He needs to know you won’t leave him or hurt yourself, he couldn’t handle the anxiety that leaving you alone would bring.

On a happier note, I’m not really sure if grim reapers get money and if their money can even be used in the human world (he had to steal flowers hehe). If he can use the money then he’ll get anything you don’t have. Helping you get surgery is on the table too, only if you want of course. If he can’t use the money then he’ll try his best to help you and support you in anyway he can.

Overall a wonderful boyfriend/husband who will hunt down anyone who dares to misgender you or hurts you (yeah yeah he can’t kill them but he can spook them like the friendly ghost he is). When he returns he’ll be all over you while blushing and hiding his face on your hair. 

For the T-guys:

If you’re taking t-shots and don’t want to do them yourself, Casper will gladly do it (after you teach him and reassure him that he’s not putting some kind poison in your body). He’ll get bragging rights. Like “My boyfriend can flirt with death head on but can’t stand needles, such a silly mortal” whether you’re afraid of needles or not, he’ll continue to bring it up once in a while. He won’t say it but he’s truly grateful that you trust him enough to do something so important to you. 

His heart swells with pride whenever you look at yourself in the mirror and/or you complement yourself genuinely. He has seen your growth (he’s been watching you for a while, let’s not forget that) and wants you to see yourself the way he has always seen you. 

If you wear binders don’t think he’ll allow you to miss use them, he’s keeping track of how long you wear them and he will ask you to take it off if you’ve surpassed the healthy limit. He’ll lend you his clothes instead and he’ll shyly offer to cuddle to get your mind off it.

If you have surgery scars, you bet your sweet ass that he’s gonna caress and kiss them while he’s softly humming. He’ll rub scar removing creams if you ask but with or without it, he’ll worship your body. 

If you haven’t cut your hair and you want to cut it, don’t ask him (I feel like he’d either be the best at it or be absolutely atrocious). It’s your special moment and he doesn’t want to ruin it, he’s confident in his abilities but he has never cut hair before so please don’t ask him or you might have to go bald. 

Shark weeks suck, we know this and he knows this. He had a talk with Azrael and they both agree that you need cuddle time with Azzie so while your laying down you are more than welcome to hold him. 

Again idk if he had mortal money but if he does, he’ll use it to buy you medicine, a heating pad and your favorite snacks. If he doesn’t have mortal money then he’ll cook something for you (don’t worry he’s getting better thanks to your guidance). If you’re in a craving for noodles then you’re in luck bc your pantry is full of them so he’ll quickly make some for you if you don’t feel like eating actual food. 

Once more, you are welcome to wear his sweater/jacket? Or any clothes of his if it’ll make you feel better. 

If you’re okay with it, he’ll cuddle with you too and just give you kisses while you both watch tv or try to sleep.

If you like wearing feminine things but they make you feel like your faking or dysphoric, he will start doing it with you. Painting your nails? he’s got black and red so pick one. Wearing a skirt or dress? Babes you make him wear it all the time. Want to do a whole spa day and get your hair done? HE DOES THIS EVERYDAY with what he has at home, of course. The point is, no matter what you wear or use you’ll always be a handsome man because if he can do those things then so can you. He wants to break all the rules of gender norms with you (he loves to break rules for you so once you ranted to him about gender norms, he knew he had to break those too).

He better not catch a mf being mean to you or catcalling you, he will be pissed off. This man won’t kill the person, obviously but he will make the snarkiest remarks ever like we know he’s confident so he has no fear of holding back anything he has to say. Not to mention that he’s skilled in combat so if someone ever lays their hands on you, they’ll be on the floor within seconds.