#unless i am in fact being stupid. which is possible. even probable

[rat-prophetess]

So back on my "distract yourself from your problems in the name of education by playing through patho classic but in Russian this time" bullshit and I'm trying to catch where there are interesting translation choices.

For instance, in English, what Aspity says about Katerina is "Rumor has it, she needs daily morphine injections and welcomes cold-skinned visitors in her alcove at night..." whereas in Russian it's "Ходят слухи, что колет себе в бедро морфий и принимает по ночам визитеров с холодной кожей". (Disclaimer: I have not slept in 2 days and I might be stupid, so someone tell me if I'm wrong! however) I think the only significant difference is that instead of saying "she needs daily morphine injections," what she originally said was "she injects morphine into her thigh" [hip? idk I assume meaning like the femoral vein]

Which is only funny because h. hey Aspity. hey Ms. Aspity "I know all the local bitches" Pathologic, do you want to share with the class exactly where you got that specific piece of information? Did you see it or—

[emssturniolo]

talk to me

pairing: matthew sturniolo x reader

summary: matt knows you too well, especially when you aren’t being yourself

a/n: this was a request but i kinda gave it a little more plot :)

you did’t know what happened, really. one moment you were sitting on the couch at the triplets’ watching tiktoks aimlessly on your phone, and the next you were uncontrollably crying and shaking - to a person from an outside perspective, it might have seemed as if you had just fallen into frozen cold water, but you hadn’t. it was just your mind playing foolish tricks on you.

see, you and matt have been dating for a while - and you trusted him, so much - but this was a rare occurrence where your mind was doubting what it believed so thoroughly.

amongst the many tiktoks you had scrolled passed that night, one of them seemed to blur the vision of whatever in your head kept you thinking straight - it was a tiktok of matt… obviously, with a girl who seemed so so much younger than you suggesting that matt and some random influencer had been secretly dating.

the video had intense details, and things not even a mastermind would have thought to put together - which is probably what made you believe it - it suggested that matt and this influencer had met at tara’s party a while back, and displayed evidence of matt and her started liking each other’s posts not too long after the date of party.

now you weren’t one to usually believe these things, but it was so unrealistically possible, that your mind decided to play tricks on you, and there’a a high probability that your lack of sleep the previous night did not help.

matt was currently out with his brothers, filming a late night car video, and the shitty thing was that even if he wasn’t out - you couldn’t never get yourself to talk to him about something like this. you loved him so much that the possibility of him taking it the wrong way was too much to risk.

so when matt came back home later that night, and your mind was still racing, you had ultimately decided to suck everything up - but he knew you, maybe even a little too well, and when he noticed you weren’t laughing to his jokes as hard as you usually do, and that you weren’t as excited for the mcdonald’s he brought you home that night, he just knew something was up.

so he laid beside you on the couch when both nick and chris had gone down to their rooms for the night and asked you a simple question… which may have just sent you downhill.

“hey, what’s up? something’s wrong, i can tell.”

and with that, you broke down. anxiety flooding through your body, causing you to shake and stutter trying to respond to his question. in attempt to act like you were just fine, you failed. miserably.

“no-nothing. i’m- why?”

and with that he let out a harmless chuckle, purely to the fact you thought that he would believe your stuttering mess of a sentence.

“c’mon, angel. something's wrong.”

“you can take your time, just talk to me. please, i don’t want to go to bed worrying about you.”

your mind was moving fast. very fast. but you knew he wouldn’t drop it unless you told him exactly what was bothering you and what he could do to help.

“i just- i may or may not have seen a tiktok- god this sound so stupid-“ he cut you off the second those words left your mouth.

“hey no, nothing you say is stupid, just tell me”

“to be clear, i am fully aware you aren’t cheating on me- but there was a tiktok and it suggested you and some influencer were dating and i’ve just been dying all night thinking how i would actually survive without you if that ever happened and- i don’t actually know, i just panicked.”

his eyes widened at the word ‘cheating’, and then softened when he realized you were just overthinking, and then turned into this type of frowny shape when he thought of you having to doubt his never-ending love for you.

he didn’t know where to start from, so he just didn’t think about anything and let his heart speak.

“oh angel, you don’t ever ever ever have to worry about anything like that. i am so so so lucky to have you in my life, let alone call you mine, why would i ever trade that for anything else?and you know i understand more than anything that your anxiety is speaking right now, but please don’t worry so much over a tiktok made by some girl who’s probably twelve years old. if you don’t mind, can i see the video please?”

and with that you showed him the tiktok, the look on his face as confused as yours the first time that you had seen the video.

“i have never seen that girl in my life, angel, you can go through my phone if you want to feel better, but i promise you i haven’t.”

but there was no need to go through anyone’s phone - you trusted matt with your whole being, and now you yourself are doubting why you didn’t just a few minutes ago.

“no, matt,” you let out a slight breathy laugh “i trust you. i’m sorry, i think I just panicked, i don’t even know what was going through my head.”

matt made a gesture with his head, silently asking if he could hug you. you just put your weight onto him and he caught you with his warm handstand reciprocated the hug.

“you’re good, sweetheart.” he kissed the top of your head, and picked you up swiftly in one motion moments after, carrying you to his room.

[princess-of-the-corner]

You. . .should probably not have informed me that you have seen Sky High and have ever had thoughts about it, because now I am going to QUESTION you (I have not seen BNHA, despite my absolute best efforts, so some of these may be stupid questions):

1) I get the sense in Sky High that the power ratio is swapped compared to BNHA. Like, having superpowers is the 20%, not having powers is the 80%, which is why it's still expected that you hide your powers. Is this a regional difference? Is the power ratio actually different or is it just that Sky High is only for kids who's parents are heroes? And so lots of people are powered, they just aren't heroes and aren't focused on?

3) Actually, back on the hiding your powers thing, why do they do that in Sky High but not BNHA (to my understanding at least)? Is it just that the Sky High cast is all superheroes or the children of superheroes trying to maintain a secret identity, or is it that America has some sort of stigma on superpowers (possibly due to it being a minority)?

3) What is Sky High's relationship to UA? How rare are these hero schools? Are they even aware of each other? Are they rivals? Friendly? Do they do exchange programs? Does one have significantly more clout than the other?

4) The Commander and Jetstream are very very patriotic and American heroes. Is this just like their aesthetic, or does it have something to do with them being diplomats/representatives/mascots for America?

5) Sky High is built off beloved cheesy stereotypes, which means the stated goal of most of the villains is World Domination TM. Has anyone ever actually gotten close, and what would that have looked like in both areas?

6) What would a regional super school in somewhere like europe or south america look like and how would it compare to UA and Sky High?

7) Any and all thoughts on particular plot and character beats that you liked or did not like from Sky High, and/or how you would do them differently?

Sorry this is so long, I just wasn't aware other people who watched this movie ever had Thoughts about it outside the initial watch, and I am EXCITED!

Honestly I think most of my thoughts would be that Sky High happens earlier in the Timeline.

When Quirks are less common and being a Superhero is only a new profession, and due to how few Heroes there are they still maintain Secret Identities to the public but are government-registered.

Over time it transferred to how it is in bnha where Heroes are publicly known and less secret identities (though many do keep their homelife on the downlow while hamming it up at 'work'), and Quirks being much more common in newer generations therefore allowing more schools.

Hero Schools nowadays are decently common. Like in Canon bnha there's half a dozen for Japan alone. So you can only imagine how many America would have. At LEAST one per state. I think UA and Sky High would be aware of each other in the sense that they're considered the best Hero School in their respective country, and some friendly rivalry and international programs together. Similar with Hero Schools in other countries.

The Commander and Jetstream are def just Like That™ for aesthetics lmao.

Also in terms of plot, I'm not sure there's anything I'd say I wanted to alter, exactly. But Sky High was a single movie with a 1hr 40min running time. There wasn't a lot of time to explore everything it set up! So I'd say just make a whole series and explore all of it.

I think the only plot point I felt :/ about was Layla's whole 'I'm only going to use my powers when the situation demands it!' thing which meant..... not using them ever unless it was literally life or death at the last second? Like girl you're going to a Hero School to learn how to utilize your abilities through safe (ish) training exercises so you'll know how to use them in real combat. I think in a darker-toned series she might be forced to confront this fact in a harsh way, like another student calling her out on it because of their own tragic backstory.

[twistedwonderlandboiimagines]

Hi I was hoping to get a Match Up Romantic or platonic doesn't really matter to me maybe both!

So my personality it depends on who I'm around. People who are energetic and really loud I'll tend to keep a more motherly role. But if I'm around people who are more mature in nature I'll be the loud and stupid one. But either way I have like a sarcastic possibly rude sense of humor but joking, if you know what I mean? Still pretty laidback though in a go with the flow and it'll all work itself out type of way.

I do tend to make friends pretty easily I'm the type to talk and ask for help from people when others would be too scared to, but I'm a complete wall flower when it comes to large social events or groups of people.

As for hobbies I really like Detective/Mystery and RPG games though unfortunately I'm not very good at them but I do have really good luck, so a win is a win. Anything I can do while staying in a warm comfortable spot I am good with, I suck at physical activity and have never played a sport. I do sleep a lot too but you start to hate it after a while because I can sleep a whole day away, wake up, be sad that I missed out on a whole day because I was sleeping, still sleep through the entire night and wake up tired in the morning, like how?. Other than that I spend my time watching TV or scrolling through Tumblr aka nothing special. I'm sure there are other things I'm fond of doing that I can't think of rn. Really I'll try anything as long as I like the person I'm with enough.

As for my type I don't really think I have one when it comes to personality I'm pretty adaptable like said before, but I think because of that I can have some pretty weird personality shifts the type you wouldn't notice at first unless you're close with me, so I think I'd want someone who is able to understand that or it could get a lil complicated. I would also want kids one day so I wouldn't want someone whose goals collide with that. I also have trouble being around overly enthusiastic or happy folk. (if romantic)

I'm also an ISTP and a Scorpio

I think the only person I wouldn't want to be paired up with is Trey he icks me in a way I don't understand, is he a good person, sure. Would I have a problem with him if I met him, no. But do I like him, also no. And have no idea why...

Sorry if some of this makes no sense I don't enjoy proofreading😅

A\N: Trey Clover did nothing wrong anon lmao

For you anon, I've chosen a certain sunshine eyed boy

and that is..

Kalim Al Asim

Now I know what you said about overly enthusiastic people but hear me out

He'd be the type of partner to immediately want to learn more about your interests or passions as soon as he sees you like them (we see this with how he got into dancing because of Jamil) so he'd love to sit with you while you play your Detective and RPG games. he probably wouldn't be able to solve them either but its still fun

I think you and Kalim's personalities would go together really well. Like you said you're loud but also take on a motherly role when others are energetic, which Kalim probably needs due to his impulsive nature when doing activities.

He makes friends easily as well so I'd imagine he'd be drawn to you to befriend.

In terms of your personality shifts, I don't think he'd be offput by them, he may not even notice at first. After all, you're still the same you even if you're acting a little different.

He may also not understand all of your sarcastic jokes for better or for worse, you might have to explain it to him...or don't if its better that way.

He doesn't mind that you sleep a lot, in fact might be a little extra and get you a really nice pillow or bed since he notices how much you sleep. Although he will miss you if you're asleep for a whole day, but he won't bother you.

The Scarabia dormhead loves trying new things, so he might end up roping you in with him to potentially get some more hobbies or just getting out to have fun!

The thought of having kids doesn't cross his mind often, but he does think he'll want some when he's ready (and its also kind of a requirement for being the next heir to the Asim family)

as for zodiac signs, Kalim is a Cancer, which pairs up very nicely with your Scorpio sign!

[sugirandom]

Major Trigger warnings for mental health issues, low self-esteem, negative body image, dysphoria, misgendering, mention of toxic parents and abuse, it's very personal, not positive so you don't have to read it.

Hey guys, gonna be honest here. My mental health is still pretty shit at the moment. I mean, it hasn't really been particularly good for a while but I completely spiraled after a really honestly trivial experience at Walmart so it just shows me how my tolerance for stress is just not there right now.

The fact that I was only healthy for one week so far this year doesn't help, I got sick again at the beginning of the week because my best bro got sick and inevitably I got sick from him (again). So yeah, I'd just got back to auditioning and felt good about that but now I'm sick again so can't really audition.

We were buying cold medicine at Walmart and apparently they have to check your ID for this medicine. With me, the lady didn't even bother but when my best bro was buying his medicine she asked for his ID and after seeing his birthday said "You look younger than that." and that's the silly thing that set me off. My best bro who is one year older than me being asked for his ID because for some reason he looked under 18 to that cashier and she didn't even bother with me. That's what set me off and I know it's stupid but my brain said "ha, you look old now!" And it went into all my other insecurities.

I realize a lot of what I dislike about myself is stuff I can't change and it's hard for me to swallow that even though I know on a mental level that is what I have to do somehow. I can't wear men's shoes because my feet are too small, I'm constantly being misgendered when I wear my mask probably because of my height and how my hips look. These are also things I can't change. I could dye my hair I guess when I make more money and that would fix some of looking old I guess but the bags under my eyes won't go away unless i fix my insomnia which I've had next to no luck with, especially getting sick again.

I've also just felt insecure about my talents and kept wishing i was just a little more talented so I could actually making a living doing the things I love rather than being forced into doing work I don't want to do if I can even get hired at some point. I know that a lot of my perceptions are warped by my own low self-esteem and being surrounded by one parent who was abusive and another who as much as a I love her was very vain. So I still have a lot of toxic crap I've internalized that I've placed upon myself and it's pretty overwhelming to work through it all. I think my mom passing at an age I feel was way too young also panicked me, that and the fact that she looked much older than she actually was. I guess that's what made me spiral. I guess I thought "Oh, is it happening to me now?" "Do I look 20+ years older than I am." The answer is probably no but my brain won't let me see that.

The craziest part is I'm an Empath so at the end of the day it's possible that all that insecurity I've harbored for myself and my skills and talents could be from my parents, it's how they felt about themselves. My mom with her looks and my stepdad with his talents and skills, he hid it behind pride but we could tell. Writing this out like this is a small first step to healing from it I know, so thank you for putting up with me posting it on here. I don't really know how I'm going to heal going forward but I do want to somehow because I want to succeed in my goals in life and live a life i can be happy with rather than feeling like I'm just going to progressively get worse each year. I want to figure out how to make optimism less exhausting and easier to obtain again.

[city0f-dreams]

It occurred to me in the last hour or so that I keep mentioning Basil this and Basil that and with the exception of one or two people there’s no one that currently writes with me that followed that blog he was on lol 😂 Apologies for that. Allow me to take a quick moment, then, to explain who he is, how I write him, and why I will continue to write him despite his actor/co-creator having dumb opinions as of late.

“Basil” is Basil Fawlty, the protagonist of the 70s British sitcom Fawlty Towers (a show I love dearly that, while beloved in the UK, has zero presence online or in the US). He owns and runs the titular hotel, but he’s the last person who should be in a position of customer service. He’s rude, snobbish, arrogant, has more than a bit of a temper, he’s a chronic blame shifter…you get the point, he’s a horrible person to be around. A lot of the comedy in the series comes from both karma kicking in and making his life a living hell and the antics that ensue as he tries to maintain the flimsy lies he starts. Yeah…British comedy is a lot more “Always Sunny” than “Friends” lol

On my old blog, however, I tried to make him…less annoying, is the word I would use? For the sake of threads not being unbearable to continue I allowed him to warm up and show reluctant forms of gratitude towards the muses I wrote with, and I’ll be continuing that here. Just don’t expect it to happen for a long while or unless it’s under extraneous circumstances. I also completely ignore he and the rest of the cast’s tendency to be xenophobic and/or bigots, because I’m not comfortable writing that and that’s not the kind of stuff I want to project out into the world. He’s still plenty rude in other ways, though. And that’s what makes him fun to write! None of my other muses are as unquestionably stuck up as he is.

However, the problem comes in with his actor and co-creator, Monty Python alum John Cleese. In the months following me starting to write him he began a track of saying and agreeing with the stupidest things, particularly regarding a certain author’s LGBTQ+ opinions, and this track has continued to this day. He’s becoming his own character, which distresses me greatly as a fan of both the Pythons and the sitcom he created. In hindsight, it’s no wonder (minus people not having knowledge of the series) that interactions with Basil dropped off.

It’s all a bit disheartening, the stuff with John, to say the least. But in the least political way possible, because I refuse to get involved with politics, I could not give less of a shit about John’s opinions and stupidness and what he chooses to say or not say in his old age. The fact of the matter is, I’m a fan of his comedy work and his comedy work only, and to me no controversy can take away how brilliant his Python and Towers work is. And me writing my interpretation of his most entertaining character is my way of celebrating that work. Rping is supposed to be a fun hobby that involves writing characters you love, free of politics. Basil, for me, is just an example of that, nothing more and nothing less.

So, he’ll be my first male muse on this blog, coming sooner than later, followed by more well-known ones that aren’t as controversial for sure 😂 but I don’t want to abandon Basil. You don’t have to interact with him if he’s not your cup of tea, but don’t judge me based on whatever he may say or do-even if I am toning him down where it matters. If ever there was a place for a “mun does not equal the muse” disclaimer, this is it.

I’ll probably link to this post in my muse bio for him, too. Just felt like all of this needed to be said prior to his reintroduction so no one gets any weird ideas. Thank you all for listening.

[looniecartooni]

While I am writing my senior report on the possible art historical significance of the Winchester Mystery House, I realize that while it's hard to find reliable sources of information on Sarah's life or construction of the Mystery House, at least you can find plausible explanations that in reality make sense. I'm talking like the stairs leading "nowhere" being a result of the 1906 earthquake destroying that part of the house and Sarah kind of just not wanting to rebuild what she had spent at that point already over 20 years on.

But what has always just bothered me so much since I first heard about Sarah Winchester that no one seems to talk about is- the stories of the house don't even follow ghost rules!!!

I mean- first of all, a wall can't stop a ghost. They can walk right through it. Sure, if your house was confusing and constantly being built, it might get confusing.

But that brings me to my second point- ghosts tend to haunt where they frequented in life, where they died or got killed, and/or the person that killed them. Often they follow the same routine and routes that they followed in life. Why the heck would a ghost shot by a gun want to go haunt the manufacturing company's owner's wife?

(Fun fact- the reason why those were often the ghosts picked for stories was likely because Winchester rifles were used in the Civil War and to kill Native Americans. Then this lady who got her fortune from that same company decided to move to Santa Clara and build a giant house and hardly let anyone inside- so it would have made people feel less guilty if the deaths from "The Gun that won the West" were put on someone in connection to those guns)

Unless Sarah killed someone or someone died on her property, the only people that should be haunting the manor would most likely be Sarah herself or people that worked on the property. Or ghosts of the original farmhouse property she bought and built off of. And they would have likely continued to do what they would have done in life, regardless of what physical barriers are/were put there. Heck- some'd probably go up the staircases that "lead to nowhere" to the 7-story tower that got lost in the earthquake.

There's a million ways to debunk and explain why Sarah Winchester did not build her house with the intention to confuse spirits. Some people even believe/d that she talked with spirits often which could possibly give some a reason to haunt her or the manor. But also- she didn't do that. What people called her "seance room" was often used as a servant bedroom. And that also doesn't quite align with her constantly being told to build her house because a medium told her to (which is very much debatable and mostly unlikely. Not for the time- but for Sarah. She was raised either Baptist or Episcopalian- jury's out on that one). Some old newspapers claim spirits helped her build her house while researcher Mary Ignoffo's Captive of the Labyrinth might argue that Sarah's father came from a long line of woodworkers and her father after getting his own company invested various popular in Victorian manor decorative styles- but y'know it's hard to really find anything on that because of all the stupid ghost stories!!!!

Sorry- this was supposed to be a sh*tpost about how ghosts don't actually follow ghost rules in the Winchester House and it turned into a brief look into my crumbling, jumbled brain on my Senior Thesis. Welp- hope you are all less believers in the "Winchester Mansion was built for/by ghosts killed by Winchester rifles." Goodbye *slides down stair railing dramatically slow while waving*

[xprojectrpg]

Moment of Awesome - Topaz:Following the events of Behold A Pale Horse, Topaz and Marius Laverne... talk.

Topaz looked him over for a moment, expression unreadable as she tried to decide if she wanted to be kind and leave him in his self-deprecation, or be an arsehole. She chose the latter.

"I'm pretty sure everyone thinks they're not worth saving, or worth the trouble they cause other people. But other people are still going to save you anyway because they think you're worth it for whatever reason, and your opinion on the subject doesn't actually matter. So whatever you think of yourself... you're probably the only one."

It was like having a glass of ice water tossed in his face, which had probably been the desired effect. Topaz appeared to be just as uncomfortable dealing with emotions as Marius was in expressing them. This might have seemed counterintuitive from an empath unless, like Marius, you had actually spoken to one for any length of time.

His chuckle was awkward but genuine. He couldn't fault the direct approach.

"Well. I am the only one who really knows me, eh? And you, too, I suppose." He folded his arms across his scarified chest and turned his amber eyes towards the tiles. "Be that as it may . . . less awkward for us both to pretend that's not so, I think."

"Sure," Topaz agreed easily. "As long as I don't think you're going to try something stupid at any given moment. I have no issues with passing the problem on to someone who cares more about your well being than they do about not having these types of conversations."

"Ah, then you're in luck, because Kyle has already appointed himself my chaperone in such matters. Though if the expulsion of his duties depends upon an assurance my judgement shall henceforth be sound and reasoned we may have a fundamental conflict of expectation." A thought occurred to him. Marius let his arms drop and thick brows knit.

"Why'd you come here, anyway?"

Topaz shrugged. "Like I said - I want to apologize for impaling you, and violating all your mental boundaries. It's a bit rude no matter what the situation calls for."

Marius looked this way and that, as if checking to see whether he'd missed something.

"Propriety? That's all?"

She leaned against the wall behind her now, still looking at Marius even if he wouldn't meet her gaze, and considered her answer for a moment. She knew far too much about what was in his head. It was only fair, she supposed.

"Magic and empathy are... psi powers in general are extremely morally grey just because they're so easy to abuse and use against people. When magic is used the wrong way, it can turn you into a monster. As far as I know, I'm the only person who uses both, together. I'm not self-centered enough to think I'm the only person in the entire world who's combined the two, but it's a lot less common than, say, traditional magic or earth magic or even chaos magic. Sometimes it feels like I'm making up the rules as I go. And if I'm the only one who knows the rules, I'm the only one who can police myself and make sure I don't cross a line. And part of that is making sure I never get too comfortable with the things I have to do, no matter how necessary they are. Stabbing you and invading your privacy to the deepest extent possible was necessary, but it's not something I ever want to repeat. And if I ever reach a point where I don't feel that way... then I know I have a problem."

Emotional acuity had never numbered among Marius' strengths. He had, in fact, often been told it was a borderline deficit. But something in Topaz's tone told him that this was not information she parted with easily, and that realisation was almost startling.

"Don't understand magic," Marius said, a little haltingly, "but lines you don't cross, that you hang onto, white-knuckled, even when the why stops making sense . . . especially when the why stops making sense, because the world is so often senseless . . . that I know." He curled the fingers of one hand, tracing a ring finger around the rima oris of one palm. "That I do know."

"I thought you might." Topaz's tone was just a little softer now, almost unnoticeable. "But that's all I wanted to say. Try not to be too stupid. There are people who would care if something happened to you."

[rosyreef]

have more to say about the robot vs clone post. the idea that the problem is “what am i” vs “why am i” is stupid. i think a clone has a way more obvious answer to “why am i” here which is that, if one were to find out that despite the fact that they are living a perfectly normal life they are in fact a clone, the natural conclusion would probably be that humans just fucking want to clone humans. thats something we are curious about and would try to do if possible. we know this, its been tried before. so the answer as to why is “because they could” - i would say its very similar to being born in the first place.

as for being a robot, i think the question of “why” is a really practical one. robots are usually designed for some kind of purpose, especially under capitalism which requires all projects to have a stated goal. what was the stated goal here? i assume due to the fact that i am working retail in ohio that it is not to be a weapon of some sort or anything useful like to cure cancer or something. my guess would of course be “because they wanted to see if they could” which at this point i think it could be classified as some sort of success.

i guess MY biggest existential horror having to do with this, and the reason i think it does outweigh clone by an even further margin, is that it probably means that i’ve been being remotely studied, with all of my data being funneled into a project i am unaware of, to people i do not know but know me perfectly - plus the idea that they might have had the capability to also remotely fuck with my coding and change my personality to their whims. which would definitely piss me off.

im sure some would think “well they’re probably monitoring me if i’m a clone too!” to which i say, to not nearly the same degree unless there are some kind of nanochips inside of you which would make the horror not a question of if you are a clone or not but rather if you have nanochips inside of you. which would suck. 👍

[taeyungie]

em, well.. he called me today. the irony of it all is apparently when i was talking w/ that 1 guy after my ex years ago, i only told him cus he asked me out & i apparently said he didnt need to know that stuff and i dont remember ever saying that but he said he was hurt/caught off guard & therefore never shared any of his personal relations with me. i think i blacked those yrs out. i went thru a very bad & messy breakup and wanted a distraction, i don't remember him ever asking me out then but he said he remembered very well. i feel so fucking stupid. this basically all happened bc of me. and u were right, he said he /always/ had those feelings even after my ex but i felt they weren't there... so i never attempted anything until i built up our relationship again which is how it is now. but, the real kicker is.. i told him that i didnt want to be put in a position where if he was serious about me, that he'd talk to other ppl, but he said im basically asking for commitment and he cant give that to me unless i show that i'm willing to let him come see me or vice versa (which i just need more time for), until then, he's not going to tell me if he's messing with anyone but he said if things do get serious with someone, then he'll let me know to not lead me on. thats not what i wanted to hear. basically he's open to whatever happens with whoever, even if he cares deeply about me, but he cant promise to not talk to other ppl and i know its selfish, i just wanted him to wait for me, esp after all this time with trying and failing with wrong timings. the way he said "IF i get into a relationship, i'll tell u" gets me cause i'll only know if he makes it official, he said thats how its gonna be. and i honestly feel like i'll end up pushing him away cus the reality of that being possible hurts too much. he said he'll just have to accept it then. but even after talking i still feel as lost. i feel sad, ashamed i said those things i truly don't remember. but now i'm confused with my feelings. i know this is going to change everything. i can already feel myself wanting to pull away emotionally & put the guard i barely let down back up 😣

i am sorry sunshine :( but i'm really happy that you guys had the talk, you need to stay in contact with him no matter what, the silence can be the worst thing to do right now, so please try your best not to become closed off. the fact that you're both so hurt by this situation is so visible, my heart is breaking. although i really do understand both of you, and he is clear about what he expects and it's in your hands to decide what to do with it 🥺 you know... you have to understand that he is just trying to be happy too, just like we all do. it doesn't mean he only cares about himself, he was there for you through the bad times and he did wait for you, honey, but the thing happened years ago and he might be just tired of waiting, he just wants to find happiness and love too... i'm pretty sure he's probably just as hurt and confused by this situation as you are, but he cares about you and he wants to be with you, but maybe he cannot handle long-distance relationship, maybe he is tired of waiting, maybe there are other reasons he doesn't want to share because it's hurting him too much at this point, yeah? he probably started closing up on you because of that as well, that's why he stated his feelings in such harsh way. he probably doesn't mean to hurt you at all, he is just trying to protect himself.

so please, don't get me wrong, i may not be giving you the best advice or making you feel better which i'm really sorry for :( but i want to stay objective because the situation is tough, and help you understand how to deal with it, to look at your situation in a different light. I'm trying to guess what can be the issue and what you guys are going through, nothing I say is 100% right because I don't know the exact details and I will never know how exactly each of you is feeling. but what i know for sure is that one can stay strong for long enough, sweetheart :(

i understand that you might have blocked out the memories because of traumatic past and that is completely valid and I'm really sorry for what you went through, you deserve the best of love and care :( it's something he should be understanding about especially that he asked you out when you were still in pain, you probably weren't ready for something serious and i will allow myself to guess the guy you talked with was not considered as something you were serious about, right? you probably hoped for it, looked for it, but deep inside you probably might've been looking for a distraction, something to make you feel better, right? and since he was your best friend it was a different situation, although he probably chose to ask in a bad moment, he shouldn't blame you entirely for that and now act like it's all your fault, but i also understand why he was caught off guard and hurt by that, he was angry and jealous, he wanted to be with you and realizing you didn't choose him was probably very painful, although now he might feel like you realized you have feelings for him because you have no other options, and he wants you a strong and secure feeling from you to feel safe in it, but please don't get upset with my words, let me tell you something first, love.

Let me tell you a story, I myself also went through a similar thing and i also had to deny my best friend a long time ago, because of other reasons but one of the main ones was long distance, i never loved him but i cared for him that's another difference because your friend actually HAS feelings for you, but i know how my friend has felt when i kept explaining him why we can't be together, it made me feel terrible. yet, his feelings for me didn't lessen apparently, and to this day, sometimes, he still implies that his crush on me never went away. but in the meantime he was in many other relationships, serious ones and purely physical ones, while also not telling me much, i probably don't know about a lot but it's his life and not my business - my point is that, he also tried to be happy even while still actively hoping i would give him a chance, because he cares for me more than he does for the people he dated (but again in my story it didn't affect me because i never loved him that way). now picture yourself in our situation, he actually does love you but you guys can't be together right now because of some reasons, and he probably isn't feeling confident about your feelings for him because of the past events, which is why he asks you for "100% yes" or "100% no" right now. unless you give him an answer he waited for for a long time, he has the right to try and look for happiness elsewhere and not involve you in it, he might not be comfortable with sharing that he is having flings with others with someone he actually loves, simply because he doesn't want to hurt you, but it's just natural that he is looking for distractions, he is not looking for someone to replace you but he's also clearly not sure of your feelings for him, do you know what i mean now? he doesn't want the past to repeat, when he already waited for a long time, maybe tried to move on even. i know you don't want him to treat you like a 2nd choice and what i just said might look exactly like he's doing it but i personally don't see it that way, that REALLY is not the case, in my opinion it's the opposite and you are clearly his 1st choice, from what i deducted he also just told you that, but since you were/are out of reach he is trying to find other ways, even if it hurts him that they're not you.

don't close your heart up on him, honey. i know you're anxious and in pain, just try to understand his position, alright? you're both hurting a lot but you care for each other deeply and misunderstanding is not something that should be an obstacle, so please, the only way out of it is to talk to each other and be honest. maybe you could consider making some sacrifices to defeat things that stay in your way of saying "yes" , if relationship with him is something you truly want?

[xoteajays]

If Kato isn't enough to stop Hyuga, Sakyo and Ukyo are actually burly enough to carry him around if they needed - unless Hyuga's very feral enough to bite their ears off. Hopefully he knows they are friends, not food. Someone should start telling Hyuga that. He needs to heard it.



When it comes to apocalyptic situations, that would depend on what type of apocalyptic situation it is. But, for the most part, I could never survive. I don't know. With my size.. Kidnapped, raped, murdered and eaten by cannibals. If I was in purgatory apocalypses like Borderlands then.. I can say that diamonds and possibly hearts might be may best games (depending on the heart game), club is 50/50 depending who I'm working with as teammates - even though I do most things better when I'm alone, spades is definitely my worst game. So there's that. But if there talking about different types of apocalyptic situations, I'm sure it completely depends on which type of apocalypse it is then. If I am trying to survive the apocalypse. But I probably wouldn't survive.

~

The power of friendship through violence. Boys will be boys since lots of them are stupid that way. But that might how I seem them though.

Out of the SWORD leaders.. Rocky is definitely the closest to Cobra (based on the End Of Sky movie). But he respects the other leaders.

Murayama's close to everyone in his own way. Like the entire concept "friendship through violence", this also includes the other schools too.

Being the main protagonist, Cobra's close to just about everyone with SWORD. But it also depends on the timelines for everyone involved.

The fact that Hyuga choose SWORD gangs over Kuryu and Doubt by the end. Granted he did want revenge against Sannoh and Kuryu, his feelings of hatred towards Kuryu was stronger than his hatred for any SWORD gangs. Which is how they became frienemies with everyone.

What about Rude Boys?

~

That's why. I never watched The Worst crossover show, mostly since I can never find the show on any site. And I'm not watching few minute clips like that because that would annoy me too much for me to enjoy the show. But that's how I am though.

And, for Smoky, I think they planned to kill him since the beginning.. I can say that I'm not surprised about that. I'm curious to know to what could have happened in he survived, if he was able to survive anyway.



Like I know everyone has their preferences in the type of person they are attracted to. Based on appearance and personality. But seriously? They're too picky about men. This is why these stupid girls are single.

For Rocky. Just because he owns his businesses, his clubs, that does not mean the man is a party animal. The man wanted a safe space for women to enjoy themselves without creepy men harassing them. But for his hygiene.. Just because he wears his grilles every day, does not mean he doesn't clean the accessory. Actually! In the movie when the White Rascals was attacked by Mighty Warriors in Club Heaven, there was even guys complaining when their clothes got dirty from fighting and Rocky said that they should keep their appearance keep because that what the women would want. They stay presentable for women.

If those girls actually spent more time hanging around Sannoh, then I could have seen him being friendlier with the girls. But no. They're just so busy complaining about these guys without knowing any of them.

Murayama attended Oya school not because he was unintelligent but because he had behavior problems. Maybe because of a disorder. But that's also another possibility too.. He just wasn't ready to to grow up.

And Hyuga was said and done worse than sitting on a car. And there's Murayama who rode on top of giant trucks instead of cars like Hyuga.

These girls should having a pros and cons list before complaining.

Exactly. Takeru has the best luck with women, Masaki has the worst luck with women, and Hiroto never seems to realize when they're just flirting with them because of his natural charm he doesn't know he is known for. He's this pretty himbo man who flirts without realizing it.

~

I wasn't sure what I thought your sign would be, but now I know what your sign. I'm a Leo.



If I already have face claims in mind.. Most of the times, I may already have personalities in mind for most characters. Or when I'm overthinking about details my stories, characters, music, and everything else I can think of.

Anything from their personality, habits, mannerisms, likes, dislikes or favorites. Maybe disabilities if they have any. Anything or everything.

Details that no else really cares about.

~

That's what was funny to me.

Because when I asked you about what type of person they would be attracted to.. I was genuinely curious about your own about their type of person they would like. And it was funny to me because a lot of the types you described where the types of my characters, especially the orange character. She's the sun, he's the moon. The opposites attract between them concept. She's this bubbly person but also can be very protective person when she has to protect who and what matters the most to her. She might be able to help Cobra back to being his old self too, at least less broading but a lot more happier. Maybe. Did I also mention that, out of the three color coded characters, she is the shortest of them? Because why not have another short character.

And blue character. Like I said.. She comes from a big family. I've just imagined her as one of five children, this middle child, so she actually knows how to care for her older and younger siblings. So she's a really sisterly type of friend. Which is why I wasn't so sure if she would be in romantic ships with anyone for that reason - I'm not saying yes, or no. She's modest. Humble. Was probably so happy when Cobra humbled Murayama enough for him to come to his senses. That's where I have gotten her competitiveness from. Despite her quiet nature, she is still the tomboy of my own characters. She might be a bit indulgent when food and drinks are involved. Possibly artistic. Close to her family and friends. And since, to my knowledge, Oya is an all boys school.. I have never visibly seen girls at the school - besides Oshiage and also Shiba coming to harass her brother Shibaman. But no girls in the school. So I don't know if there's a "sister school" within that area. Which is why I said Blue and Orange went to the same school, and the same classes.

Now that I think about it. Blue and Orange can be very indulgent with food and drinks. So Itokan is probably one of the restaurants they will go to frequently, along with Odake's Bar and Club Heaven for drinks. Club Heaven is also for dancing. Orange definitely loves dancing as a hobby for her. Maybe that's how my characters are close to Rocky (and the other Rascals)? Despite them being apart of other gangs in some way, Rocky's always protective towards them in a friendly way.

I'll work on my red character when I have an idea for her.



As someone who has issues with my family, I understand how that is.

So the relationship with her and Hyuga are childhood friends, almost like siblings, for as long as they've known each other? That was kinda one idea I had for Red, but I wasn't completely sure about it though.

Yeah. An opposites attract. That's another concept I liked.. When only one of them grew up too fast, for whatever reason, then there's a very childish one who knows to live life. The childish one helps them being more youthful, while the mature helps the other mature. Kinda, sorta.

Déjà vu. My boy Gun-woo gets his face his face carved with a knife, but I can say his battle scars are actually attractive to me though.



I tend to isolate myself whenever I'm in a mood so I know that feeling.

Kinda like my Blue character. Kinda. But not really. They're both types who are tomboys, except your character has a strong energy to her?



Weapons are open to interpretation? Like for the most part, I know so many of them prefer using their hands for purity reasons (not that the way they fight is pure). But Rocky has his cane - the Rascals even use asps to hit people like Dan, Hyuga might use weapons when he is in a extra violent mood. Sannoh won't. Oya won't. But Rude Boys may use homemade weapons though in certain situations. Warriors might use weapons, same with Kuryu. Doubt will because they're killing anyone. And for the other schools like Oya, I don't think they would ever use a weapon either. So some characters might really use weapons though.

~

Well.. When it comes to my Rocky headcanons, I'd already mentioned a lot of my romantic and sexual headcanons about him to you before.

But there are some headcanons that I haven't mentioned to you yet.

These might be more projecting? But I could see Rocky doing a lot of these things too. Though that might be how I could see his character.

Rocky seems like a sensual man when he wants to be. Whether these actions lead to sex or not (since this does not have to be sexual), I can see him being the type to bathe with his partner. I imagine him as the man to buy his partner perfumes, lotions, body washes just so he can use the body washes on her while they're bathing and rubbing lotions in her skin after they bathe. Whenever they do bathe together. But it's only if she is fine with bathing with him. I could imagine him as a man who dresses and undresses his woman (in a non sexual way) but only if she's comfortable with that. So you can't tell me he doesn't care for his health and hygiene since those bitches are stupid. Which is a part of my other headcanon. If his woman has mental disabilities like even depression for example.. When she's so depressed that she also stops caring about her health and hygiene, I could imagine him helping her. He bathes her, dresses her, feeds her and brushes her teeth. Literally. If she can't do basic care over herself, I can see him helping her when she needs it the most. But that headcanon is my projection onto him.

Based on the facts I told you about White Rascals. I know Rocky watches, or used to watch anime when he was a child. During his time off from working, his time is spend watching television with his partner. I can even see some of the shows and movies they'd watch together is anime. I might be projecting this.

Another sexual headcanon I have is that because of how patient he is with women.. I know this could be said about any woman. But if she's inexperience (maybe even a virgin), I imagine him being extra patient with her. Not that he isn't always patient with women. But if she has a little to no experience with physical intimacies like kissing and sex, he will help her at their own pace when it comes to physical affections.

There's also another sexual headcanon for Rocky. For two reasons.. The first reason is because of Keiji's comment in an old interview, and the second reason is because of Rocky's sweet tooth for lollipops any time he eats candy. But he's skilled with his mouth. So he knows how to use his tongue, so he's skilled with kissing and oral. I blame this on Keiji.

Any headcanons that we could think of should be said whenever we think of one, because who knows if we might actually have the same or even different ideas with these characters. Or any characters. Maybe. That depends. But still.

~

Yes! So do I. If they decide to continue these shows, especially Bloodhounds. And also Extracurricular.

Like.. Okay. I know sometimes they change details from a book, comic, webtoon, whatever because so many people believe that those changes will be one big unexpected twist to the plot. But not always. So many live adaptions from other media is not always a good thing to me, most of the time it's not even a good thing at all. And don't forget shock values too.

Definitely. That was definitely a twisted movie, so I don't know how dark you are willing to go whenever horror movies are involved. But because of how the graphic violence is in the whole movie, they banned the movie in most countries. So that's your decision if you ever want to watch a gory movie like that.

hyuga is a fighty lil bitch who unfortunately (fortunately) surrounded himself with taller, strong dudes that can just pick him up and drag him away when he gets too feral.

oh i am dying immediately in any apocalyptic situation. not even a chance of survival. i’m bad at running, i’ve got a half-dozen medications i’m on that i have to take daily, if i’m landing in the borderlands i’m taking the immediate L because i don’t think i’m smart enough or physically gifted enough to win any of it. i have all the survival skills of an over-pampered small dog.

~

the whole ‘sword alliance’ is so a power of friendship thing. like too bad, kuryu, yall can’t beat them, they got the power of being besties and kicking ass on their side.

the leaders definitely have this loop of respect between them, even if the majority initially voted against the alliance. though even despite that, they all showed up at the end when rocky and the rascals needed help (even if hyuga had to get his ass beat first but i view that as being more about the formation of the alliance and that he would’ve shown up to help even if he’s won the fight).

murayama really just wanted to be friends with everyone. and also fight them. because it’s fun to him and i think he assumes the others feel the same way. (i mean. cobra and hyuga probably do, at least).

hyuga really said ‘fine, i’ll stick with these guys’ after cobra yelled at him in his face and then turned around to burst into tears over his bestie noboru. like it’s so funny.

i think the rude boys tend to stick to themselves. i don’t think they get too close to anyone who isn’t from nameless. they have respect for the other groups, but they are keeping them at arms’ length (i mean, they didn’t even tell anyone smokey was sick). i can see them maybe being closest with sannoh, if only because their locations are so close to each other.

~

i’ve watched one full episode of the ‘6’ and i had to do it in the firefox app because i could not stand the thought of having to watch an ad between every 2 minute clip.

oh they definitely planned for him to die. i knew that from the second he was coughing up blood, that’s always a ‘this character’s gonna die’ sign. still sad though.

they have a full range of men to choose from but all they’re doing is complaining. girls, stay single then if you wanna (incorrectly) pick apart every dude around. naomi go get ur man tho, he’s over there being a tall and handsome idiot.

masaki is in hell watching women throw themselves at hiroto, who just doesn’t realise it. every time they leaves a situation like that, masaki goes ‘you know she was flirting with you, right?’ and hiroto just ‘huh???’. the himbo energy is coming off in waves from these two.

~

cobra definitely needs to get that fun dude brought back out. i think noboru being back and kuryu being taken down will certainly help take a weight of him too.

my two girls are both on the shorter side. ryuko’s about 5’1 and hinami’s 5’2. i couldn’t find ryuko’s fc’s height, but yuri tsunematsu is actually 5’2. it’s a short girl party.

im just thinking of your blue character seeing cobra kick murayama’s ass and just go ‘oh thank god, it’s about time’ to herself because murayama was way too cocky for his own good and in need of being taken down a peg. when you say she’s artistic, do you mean in the drawing way or the writing way? because both are interesting choices.

they grew up together while the hyuga brothers were still in kuryu. being the youngest, they were kinda stuck together to keep them out of the ‘adults’ business’. with hyuga actually being able to leave and be a regular kid, ryuko used to barrage him with questions because she didn’t get to experience actual life. he kind of views her like a little sister he didn’t want, but still cares about - he’s also a bit protective because he often saw the aftermath of her father abusing her. also he’s literally the only person she knows outside of kuryu at the beginning, which is why when she runs away, she goes to him. i actually wrote about it in the fic i posted today, uncaged. shameless fic plug aaa

ryuko and murayama really help balance each other out. ryuko gets to have the fun she never had as a kid, murayama gets help with the more mature stuff that can sometimes confuse him. they meet at a good middle. also murayama is there to witness her fighting this ryu faction guy and is just like ‘she’s so cool 😍’.

hinami is this quiet tomboy type who you’d think was chill - and usually she is - until you see her in a race, especially against p or yu. she can get very intense about it because she’s so determined to win but hasn’t managed to yet.

i know the rascals and some of the daruma guy use weapons (idk about hyuga, i think he likes to be more hands-on), and the rude boys sometimes use stuff in their surroundings; but the sannoh and oya guys are very ‘fists only’.

ryuko uses weapons on account of being raised in the assassin group of kuryu and learning a little bit by watching them train. she’s a natural talent with bladed weaponry. (and she’s also just. fuelled by rage over her childhood situation. congrats minamoto, your daughter is a dragon, but she’s also your enemy).

hinami is self taught with her aim just because there’s not a whole lot to do growing up in nameless, also because it’s easier for her to not be in the middle of a fight so she’s the long range helper. imagine, you’re in a fight and you’re winning against some rude boy punk, and then you just get clocked in the temple by a disk of glass. going down like goliath.

~

i can absolutely see rocky as the guy this experienced kind of guy that really looks after his girl, and not even in just the sexual way. the thought of him being stern but caring with a depressed gf is so sweet, like he knows it’s hard for her and he’s going to help however he can.

here’s some murayama and takeshi headcanons, maybe partly biased. trading headcanons like they’re pokemon cards ajskjfl

i imagine murayama as a very handsy lover, not only in a sexual way, but in a casual way too. he holds his gf’s hand, pulls her in against his side and holds her waist, sits her on his lap. it’s all very casual to him, he just likes having them close.

i also think murayama shows off way more in fights if he knows his girl is watching. he pulls out all the stunts, but he’s also a lil distracted, sometimes glancing over at her to see her reactions. he wants to impress her! when he wins - because of course he does - he goes to get a very pda victory kiss.

i just know murayama likes to have his hair played with. if his gf is sitting down on a couch, he’s lying down to dump his head in her lap, hoping she’ll run her fingers through his hair. he finds it calming. napping boyfriend x quietly reading girlfriend aesthetic.

biased opinion but takeshi is the jealous type. he’s not toxic about it, but he’s a lil possessive. just glowering over his gf’s shoulder at some dude hitting on her. he touches her waist or holds her hand so other guy’s know she’s taken.

i know i’ve mentioned the other guys doing bike-riding dates and tak has a bike too, but i imagine takeshi has a few places around nameless that he likes to take girls; places where you can see the pretty parts of nameless city that people don’t expect to find there or just the best places to watch the sunset.

takeshi is just soft for his gf. always staring with heart eyes at her, genuinely complimenting her - not just on her appearance but on her skills and personality, kissing her on the cheek. he is just so into her. p and yu tease him about it and he’s only slightly embarrassed because his gf is ‘beautiful and smart and the best, shut up’.

[ssaalexblake]

Hi uh, not to call a reading issue here random citizen, but I Did specify that the people I'm mad at are calling her both goodie two shoes and evil incarnate simultaneously and the choice of dramatic language was not hyperbole, I meant people legit spitting fire about her being an angel and demon at the same time. If you're not doing that, I literally wasn't talking about you Or any of those other people you're mentioning. There. Problem over.

Hate it, love it, I don't care honestly, but if you go around assuming anybody's vocal hatred of the sheer misogyny I've had to wade through to watch this stupid show is me, what, idk, denying the right to criticise when hilariously this Entire post is about specifically weird misogyny meaning we can literally do that without feeling the need to be combatant to defend her against said misogyny, you have Vastly misinterpreted what this entire post was saying in a massive way and gone off one one that was wholly irrelevant or possibly actually vaguely in support of the message I wrote the post about.

And for the record, I refuse to stick 'in my opinion' on every post I write about this show. They are obviously opinions unless I am stating facts. I won't play to the lowest common denominator. If you think I don't know all of the above, you're mistaken. I either disagreed with it or felt I didn't want to talk about it even if I didn't like it, so I left you alone out of respect and spoke about my feelings on things instead. On my blog. Without any identifiable tags on it. I can't help the algorithm if it shoves it in somebody's face, but the most likely scenario for somebody seeing my posts is that either they chose to follow me or chose to follow people who agree with me, if that's an issue there are multiple ways to cultivate your spaces against me. I don't come at people for the very differences you mentioned above because I probably wasn't talking about them, and I don't even name the asshole misogynists, frankly, let alone random people I don't have a beef with who I just ignore.

Tldr I only talk about the shitheads bc I'm not gonna @ some random person over a harmless disagreement of opinion unless it is actually harmful (which. A couple of things coming From LGBTQ folks has been btw to be fair, we don't all have to agree), and if you're Not one of the misogynists I am talking about you need to stop assuming I am talking about you, because I wasn't. There's a difference between good faith analysis (which I want) and looking for excuses (which I don't).

As infuriating it is that people are on their ‘13 is too Good to be the doctor’ as much as they’re on their ‘13 is too Awful to be the doctor’ bullshit, i do think it’s helpful that it’s stopped any defensive reaction towards 13 being polarised. Like, sometimes you have to spend So much time in fandom defending a female character from bullshit accusations and unfair criticism that you don’t have time to discuss their flaws, you spend all your time talking them up to point out how wrong the internet sexism squad is. 

So people somehow simultaneously saying she’s too goody two shoes And that she’s evil incarnate is helpful in one way. You cannot effectively combat those accusations by being contradictory because it’s already wildly contradictory. Might as well just. Be honest. Talk about it all. Can’t fight against somebody who has convinced themselves that she’s an angel who is evil actually. 

[igarbagecannoteven]

x

[c-is-for-circinate]

Like, is the gist "Real life pedophilia/incest/rape is bad, and stories saying these things are good are bad, but including these topics in a story isn't inherently bad, so the people being like 'hey, maybe Ao3 shouldn't have so much kiddie porn there's an entire category called "Underage"' are just overreacting and making things worse?" Because it feels like you're saying, "your negative reaction to this stuff is valid, but also you're annoying and prudish and bad and really you aren't valid."

So here’s the thing: it really does not sound like you're asking this question because you want my answer, it sounds like you want to be angry with me and have a fight. And fair enough! I'm not terribly interested in a fight, but apparently this is my day to dive into this topic as thoughtfully and honestly as I can be. Maybe I'll say something you haven't already heard from other people before. Maybe not! Only you, anonymous asker, know that.

To begin with, you got part of the gist right. Real life rape (including child abuse/child sexual abuse as well as incest) is bad. Stories about rape, about underage sex, and about incest, are stories.

They're stories. They're pixels on a screen. They're not real. Whether they claim that rape is good, or bad, or sexy, or melodramatic, or life-destroying, or a normal Tuesday afternoon. They're stories.

And having a negative reaction to them is valid. Stories can stir up powerful emotions in people. It is absolutely, 100%, fair and valid and even normal for there to be certain tropes, plot elements, events, and kinds of content that make you upset and that you never want to see in a story you read, ever. You don't have to want to read about sex. You don't have to want to read any of it. That doesn't make you bad.

There are tropes, plot elements, events, and kinds of content that upset me. There are stories I won't read. The same is true of literally everyone else I know. Even though I know the stories aren't real. Even though I know the things happening in them are happening to fictional characters, who do not exist, who I cannot protect and who also cannot be harmed because they're not real. Even then, I can be made sad and scared and upset and hurt by reading those stories. And that is okay and that is valid and I am not bad or wrong for being upset about the story I've read, and neither are you.

But that doesn't mean the story doesn't have value to somebody else. That doesn't mean the story isn't important to somebody else.

What I see most often coming from antis, possibly even including yourself, is an overwhelming desire to protect. They want to keep themselves and others--possibly people they know, possibly hypothetical people they may never meet--safe from being hurt by these stories. And that desire to protect, also, is normal. It's even admirable! The problem, though, the thing that does more harm than good, is when that desire to protect drives people to lash out against things that matter to other people.

There is a difference between actual rape and stories about rape. There is a difference between a story that could theoretically hurt somebody, someday (which is all stories, always), and a story that hurts you personally. And there is a difference between a story that hurts you personally, and a story that is inherently poisonous to everyone who touches it.

We know--absolutely, scientifically, incontrovertibly--that stories about rape do not make people rapists. Yes, even the stories where the rape is there to be sexy. Even stories where the person being raped is a child. Even then. Fiction is not the same thing as normalization; again, there are far smarter people who have written far more extensively on that topic than I, and next time I come across something that goes more into detail on this point I promise I will reblog it. If this really is the thing you're afraid of, I may not be the right person to convince you that this is an unfounded fear, but I know someone out there can elaborate on it.

(Unfounded, which is not the same thing as invalid. My mother's claustrophobia is unfounded; it flares up in many situations where there's no physical threat whatsoever, where she has plenty of space to move and air to breathe. It's still real. It still chokes her. It's still valid, she is not bad or broken to feel that way, and she still can't drive through certain tunnels. The fear is real. But the thing she's afraid of can't physically hurt her, and that is worth knowing in terms of how she deals with it.)

We know, absolutely, scientifically, and incontrovertibly, that stories about rape and many, many, many other things can hurt and even traumatize their readers. Even though the situation you're reacting to is not real and you receive no physical injury, you can still be hurt by it. The key word there, though, is readers. The fact that the horror genre is out there terrifying people who enjoy being terrified for fun does not damage me unless I do something stupid and try listening to the Magnus Archives again and end up tense and miserable and paranoid for the rest of the week. The fact that guacamole is apparently delicious to everybody else in the world does not hurt me unless I do something stupid and order the wrong thing at a restaurant, and end up itchy and miserable with a little trouble breathing for the rest of the night.

The fact that there are, yes, tens of thousands of fics on AO3 in which characters under the age of 18 have sex? It can't hurt you. Those fics do not hurt you by existing. They can only hurt you if you read them. They can only hurt anyone who reads them. That's why there is an 'Underage' tag--and it's worth noting, 'Underage' is a warning, not a category. Nobody wants you to get hurt reading the wrong fic, any more than the sushi chef wants my throat to swell up because I ordered something with avocado. Literally nobody wants that.

The flip side, of course, is that you hating each and every one of those fics individually and as a group doesn't actually hurt me, or anyone else who writes, reads, or enjoys them. By itself. You can hate anything you like, and fic writers can write anything they like, and it all comes out in the end, more or less. Except.

Except that reading fic is always, entirely, 100% opt-in, and online harassment isn't even opt-out. Some antis have a nasty habit of going after writers whose content they don't like; climbing into inboxes and comments sections, calling those writers nasty names, throwing around cruelties and aggression and insults. I know that's not the same thing as simply disliking a genre, or even passively disagreeing with its existence (although disliking a genre and disagreeing with its right to exist are also very different things). I know not all antis do that. I don't know you, anon, but based on the speed and aggressiveness of this response to my last post, I can't help but wonder if you would do that.

And that does hurt people. Just like it might hurt you if someone threw a bunch of content that makes you uncomfortable into your inbox. Including the harasser, actually--because getting into fights with strangers on the internet about things that make you angry, sad, defensive, and upset isn't good for anybody. Including both you and me.

Anyway, after yet another lengthy ramble, let's get the tl;dr response to your ask here: nobody is ever bad or wrong for disliking certain content in their stories, no matter what that content is. You and your emotions are valid. The "overreacting and making things worse" part isn't about what you feel, but what you do with it. Constantly engaging with places where the thing that upsets you will probably show up, even to argue and try to fight it, will make things worse in the sense that now you're spending way more time thinking about this thing that makes you upset and angry, thereby leaving you more upset and angry. Getting together with a bunch of your upset, angry friends to make your feelings everybody else's problem? Makes fandom a more toxic place for everyone else involved.

Don't read stuff that's going to hurt you. Don't make other people read stuff that's going to hurt them. That's the whole thing, really.

[orionsangel86]

SPN Conspiracies - Applying Logic to Chaos

Its been over 2 months now since the Supernatural finale aired. I am still so angry, hurt, and confused by it and I don’t think I will ever get closure unless someone like Andrew Dabb, or Jensen Ackles, actually opens up and gives us an explanation that makes sense.

What annoys me most right now is people trying to gaslight fans into believing that we should accept the narrative we have been given at face value: That the finale was always planned to be that way, that Destiel was never on the cards, that there was no Network interference, that the only changes made were due to covid and were minor at best.

This harmful gaslighting is FALSE.

NO ONE KNOWS THE TRUTH OF WHAT HAPPENED.

Look, I don’t agree with some of the crazier conspiracy theories. I don’t believe that there was some huge campaign among the CW Network execs to remove anything remotely gay out of homophobia. I don’t believe that the finale was changed because of some desire to make it into a Walker promo. I don’t believe that the finale was really bad on purpose in protest by Dabb for not getting to do an ending he truly wanted. I don’t believe that Dabb left us smart fans a bunch of secret messages in the finale to hint that he was on our side all along and that everything was fake.

I do, however, believe that all of these conspiracy theories have some elements in them that are plausible. At least, more plausible than the bullshit narrative mentioned above that some people are pushing in some desperate attempt to defend the Network (which imo is really strange behaviour anyway - why would anyone care about a TV network with a history of terrible behaviour?!?)

We have facts, based on information provided before the covid lockdown, which for some reason, people like Misha have since backpeddled on. So let me try to outline some of the information that makes no sense.

Below the cut I go on a deep dive into the conspiracies and statements I have heard about the SPN finale and try to make some sense of this whole fucked up situation. It gets long.

1. “Cas was never gonna be in the finale”.

False: We have many fan accounts of Misha confirming that he was filming the finale. We have video evidence of Misha confirming he was going back to film the finale after the lockdown. We have confirmation from fans in Misha M&Gs from March that he had about 5 days of filming left.

We also had fan accounts of discussions with Alex Calvert (I think) where he confirmed the final shot of the final episode was all four of them though I would LOVE if someone can find a source for this.

2. Okay, Misha was gonna be in the finale, but only as Jimmy Novak

False: I heavily side eyed Misha when he said this. But I think I can come up with a plausible explanation for it. Per above, Misha was supposed to film for 5 days. This does not align with the half a day he described of filming as Jimmy Novak. My own belief is that after Cas was cut from the finale (for whatever reason we don’t know) someone (probably Jensen Ackles) put up a fight and complained that Misha should be there for the final episode. The writers probably tried to come up with a way to bring Misha back without having to deal with Cas, and pitched the idea of Jimmy Novak being in Heaven. Misha, obviously annoyed about this, turned this stupid pitch down.

3. Destiel was never a thing, never planned, never part of Dabb’s ending. Bobo and Misha pushing the confession was the part of the season that was Wrong.

False: We have a SPN writer on record saying that Castiel’s confession was the first thing written for Season 15 when the writers returned to the writers room. If it wasn’t planned, why was it the first thing written, why does it align so well with the rest of season 15? Look I know some people either a. hate destiel and refuse to see it even if it slaps them in the face, or b. have major heteronormative goggles on, or c. are just homophobes in denial, but 15x18 fits in perfectly with the narrative of season 15. Everything Cas says, everything that happened in that scene was so in character it just works. It fit. If you just rewatch the season whilst applying some critical thinking skills and pay attention to the narrative and character arcs, trust me, the confession fits in with pretty much every other plot point, and character story in the season.

Also: We have known for a while that the network did market research into Destiel, wanting to know if it would go down well or not. They were well aware of its popularity and considering it. Where would this have come from if not pitched by the showrunner? Dabb must have at least been considering it. If you take all of Dabb era into consideration, starting with mid season 11, all the way through the season 12 build up, season 13 grief arc, and then Bobo’s Destiel break up arc in late season 14, early season 15, it is clear that there was some toing and froing on the issue of Destiel, but ultimately, I still believe that Dabb was on board. He wrote 13x01 for christs sake. No way he wasn’t taking it seriously.

 4. It’s always been about the brothers. The finale just stays true to what Supernatural is all about.

*rubs temples* Fundamentally FALSE: The show has time and again reasserted the message of “Family don’t end with blood”, as well as the messages of AKF and YANA. Sam and Dean may be at the heart of the show, but a heart can’t exist without a body to support it. Without bones, and lungs, and blood, and muscles, and a BRAIN. The finale abandons the shows core messages. It forces the characters back into their season 1 characterisations and the whole thing becomes hollow and souless. But I’m not here to complain, I’m here to lay down the facts. Dean’s heaven was supposed to be surrounded by loved ones right? We know OG Charlie Bradbury was gonna be in his Heaven, we also know CAS was gonna be in there. So this idea that the finale as it currently stands was how it was meant to be is wrong. Dean was supposed to die and reunite with his found family and loved ones. This alone would have been a far better ending than the one given. Do I think this was solely a covid issue? Fuck no.

The randoms that WERE in the finale are proof alone that they could have got people in and quarantined. We also have several actors on record saying that they WOULD have quarantined for the finale had they been asked to return but they WEREN’T.

Lies have been told. Samantha Ferris and Chad Limberg have confirmed that we have been lied to about the original plans for the finale.

This alone is proof enough that there is more plausibility in some of the conspiracy theories than any bullshit narrative some people are pushing in defence of the barbaric mess of a finale we were given.

So lets address some of the conspiracy theories now:

Conspiracy No.1: The CW Network reviewed Supernatural during the covid break, and due to homophobia, refused any Destiel arc that wasn’t already filmed, shut down any potential reciprocation from Dean, and forced Dabb to change his finale.

I don’t think this is entirely what happened. But I do think it is very strange how there is a such a huge disconnect particularly in Dean’s characterisations between what had come before the lockdown, and what came after. The one fact we have here, and please someone provide a source if you can find it because I know there is one, the finale script was still going through changes up to only 2 weeks before it was filmed. We know that there was some weird editing in 15x18 (which was still in post and uncompleted before lockdown) and we know from Jensen’s own mouth that there was more to the confession scene on Dean’s side that was cut. We also know that this isn’t the first time that Destiel heavy moments have been changed in post - the prayer scene is another big scene that went through a lot of changes and Bobo fought to have his script play out the way he wanted it.

There are certain things that in my own opinions, are basically true of SPN which I have put together from years of keeping one eye on the writers room, the network, and all the various comments made. My opinion is this:

The writers room has always been split on Destiel. Some writers heavily supported making it canon, others did not care, or were against it.

The Network considered it over the course of several years, did market research, green lit it, then changed their minds, possibly several times over the course of Dabb’s era. Destiel was pitched to the Network early in Dabb era.

The crew on set were also split. Some people heavily supported it, and worked to assist the reading, whereas others did not care/did not support it. The same can be said for the editing room.

Bob Singer supported the subtextual homoeroticism, but never supported bringing it into text (this is an opinion, but I think it aligns with everything we know about him.) IMO Bob Singer also supported subtextual homoeroticism between Sam and Dean - the guy is gross is what I’m saying. He isn’t exactly a progressive person.

Fun fact - a while back our old enemy Sera Gamble went on a Twitter rant about writers rooms and the ways a script goes through changes. I don’t think this was in relation to the SPN finale wank but she basically inadvertantly confirmed that the Network can step in and make sweeping changes to a script if they want to and if they decide they don’t like the direction of a story. Sera Gamble confirmed this as a fact.

Now. I’m not saying that this is what the CW did with Destiel. I just think its very strange how pre lockdown, the last thing filmed is a heartfelt homosexual declaration of love between Dean and Cas, and we have a finale script that Misha had not seen, but knew that he was meant to film as Castiel for 5 days (5 days on set is over half of an episode as far as I know). Then all of a sudden, Covid happens, and Cas is cut from the finale completely, a desperate attempt to bring Misha back only as Jimmy Novak takes place, which Misha rightly refuses, leading to a finale which makes zero sense narratively and appears in every way completely and utterly butchered.

The only explanation provided by anyone involved is that Covid meant changes had to happen - but that covid didn’t change the actual story at all.

But this makes no sense because we know that Cas was cut from the finale. This is FACT. Do not let anyone gaslight you into thinking otherwise. Misha was preparing to quaranting to return to set as Cas post Covid, so whatever happened to cut Cas from the finale, it wasn’t Covid.

I’m gonna have to Occum’s Razor this and say that the most logical explanation here is the one that is most likely true. Someone got cold feet with the Destiel story, and to prevent any possible interpretation that included Dean reciprocating, any hints of Destiel were removed from the finale script, including Castiel’s whole appearance.

Now, this isn’t me saying I think that Dabb’s original finale was full of Destiel love confessions and a homosexual kiss or whatever, but I am asking you all to really think about it and ask yourselves WHY Cas would have been totally cut from an episode he was supposed to be in at LEAST half of? 

We will probably never know the real reason Cas was cut, but he WAS cut. I’m not saying it was all homophobia, but some fuckery went down.

Conspiracy No. 2: The CW Network changed the finale to make it into a Walker promo because they only cared about raising up Jared and not Jensen and Misha as they were losing them anyway.

I don’t agree with this in terms of the finale being butchered solely to make it into a Walker promo. There are however moments in the finale that are clearly supposed to be Walker Easter Eggs and added to excite fans of Jared/Sam in particular such as Sam’s gratuitous and unnecessary topless scene, as well as the call on the “case in Austin”.

I will take this moment to say something pretty damn controversial though.

*Deep breath*

The fact is, Dean Winchester has been the “lead” character of Supernatural’s narrative for years now, with Sam often being sidelined and not given great storylines himself. Even in Season 15, right up until the finale, I myself felt bad for Sam sometimes because so much of this show has become all about Dean. Jensen Ackles is clearly the better actor when it comes to emotional story arcs, so the emotional heart of the story has most often leant on him.

So you can understand my confusion, when this is turned on its head in the final episode, to make Sam carry all the emotional weight, and have the most lines/screentime, and story resolution (even if his story resolution was just as crappy as Dean’s).

If we pretend that Destiel is not a thing, and ignore Cas’s confession, the story change in the finale from Dean focus to Sam focus is still rather suspicious. Again, I’m not saying I completely approve of or agree to the conspiracy theory that Walker influenced the butchering of the script, but I can believe that perhaps a note went down from the CW to someone like Bob Singer, to emphasise Sam/Jared more than they perhaps would normally, because the CW wanted to shine the spotlight on Jared to raise excitement for Walker.

I can also believe this note might have said something like “we wanna cater to fans of Sam/Jared the most - don’t do anything to piss them off.” but now I am getting into my own conspiracy theories so by all means dismiss this as me being bitter.

Conspiracy No.3: Dabb purposely made it bad, as a secret message to Destiel fans that he had been silenced, by layering meta clues into the episode that he knew fans would notice.

I doubt this one is true. Though some of the theories are quite compelling. The old vampire silent movie theory for instance starts off quite well, but loses me the moment it brings up Urban Dictionary slang.

Sometimes I have just had to accept that Supernatural is a bad show that is sometimes accidentally a masterpiece. However, some writers really did go That Deep with their stories - anything by Ben Edlund or Steve Yockey for instance, their episodes are meta masterpieces with a hundred different layers of beautiful subtextual storytelling and are a joy to analyse. Bobo Berens has certainly done some A+++ work especially now we KNOW that he was working hard all this time to bring Destiel to canon text (so any analysis of Destiel in the subtext in his episodes is very accurate). There have been many other key elements analysed over the years which have been confirmed true. Cas’s death in Season 12, Dean’s time as a demon in season 10, Season 11 ending in unity of dark and light, these were all plot points predicted by meta writers just by analysing the narrative. Sometimes the writers really have been very smart and they do add things to the show to aid us in our meta.

Richard Speight Jr for instance, confirmed that SPN has a visual library that the production team use to give clues and hints in the narrative. Pizza, for example, always means a lie has been told. Whenever Pizza is being eaten or even just mentioned on screen, there is dishonesty in that particular moment.

The beers also have a very specific message and the one thing I can’t let go about the finale, was that Dean was drinking El Sol beer. The beer his dad gave him, that was terrible.

El Sol has been used in the show to indicate something being wrong, a fake reality, or another lie, for the longest time. It is the beer of deception.

The fact that in the final episode of this entire show, Dean is in Heaven, supposedly at peace, and then he gets handed an El Sol beer to drink? Thats a HUGE red flag for any meta writer watching who can read SPNs visual library.

If they had given him the Margiekugel beer of family then it would make sense. Dean is in Heaven, with Bobby, his family, at peace. Margiekugel should have been the beer of choice. But nope. El Sol. Something is wrong.

I don’t know if it was Dabb, or Singer, or some disgruntled ADs and crew members who added these elements into the finale, but their very presence confirms some message of Wrongness.

I could go into a huge rant about Vampire Mimes not making sense and the very glaringly obvious symbolism of cutting out peoples tongues too, but that is high school level film analysis. It’s obvious. It means to silence someone. There is validity in interpreting this as Dabb saying he was silenced. I don’t know how true it is, but i can’t 100% dismiss it, because as I said, this is high school analysis levels of obvious subtextual storytelling.

So in summary, whilst I don’t think that Dabb intentionally went out of his way to sabotage his own script, and leave a breadtrail of secret messages for savvy fans to put together to confirm that he was silenced by an evil network into not getting what he wanted... I do think that there is validity in questioning these odd choices for the finale. Cutting out tongues? Vampire Mimes? El Sol beer?

The evidence is somewhat compelling is all I’m saying. I don’t believe the full conspiracy theories, but as I have said many times before, some fuckery went down.

So What Do I Believe?

That some fuckery went down and whatever company line they are pushing is bullshit.

I believe that the original script included Cas (since thats fact). I believe that the original script probably always had Dean dying on a vampire hunt (due to Jensen’s issues with it and in particular, his sarcastic comments about vampires in the past year or so which in hindsight are hilarious and prove he never really came to terms with Dean’s idiotic death). I believe Dabb’s original script was some less crappy version of what we got, which potentially included showing Jack rescuing Cas from the Empty and resolving the outstanding Empty plot points (potentially this was actually a 15x19 plot since Mark P commented that his final scenes were supposed to be with Jack and Cas), had Cas reunite with Dean in Heaven and had them have a discussion about Cas’s confession. I believe that there was probably a lot of back and forth over how to handle that with some people wanting Dean to obviously reciprocate and others believing they should keep it ambiguous. I believe that Dean and Cas would have reunited with Charlie Bradbury, and Bobby Singer, and possibly others (though if this was the case it must have been very early on since no one ever looped in Sam Ferris, Chad Linberg or any other Roadhouse people).

I believe that Sam’s ending probably didn’t change much, but I do feel that initially they were planning on him ending up with Eileen, because it is the only thing that narratively makes sense. Cutting Eileen and giving him a blurry wife is something I won’t ever understand and Jared’s bullshit explanations are quite clearly pulled out of his ass to appease bronly types. I believe the reunion on the bridge would have included Cas and Jack, with a final shot of all four of them together, at peace (as this aligns with Alex’s comments from around a year or so ago that the final shot was all four of them). (I also am not sure it was always supposed to be on a bridge since the foreshadowing in an earlier episode showed Dean, Cas and Sam all in the Roadhouse together).

I believe that script went through countless changes and redrafts, and not even production people or the types that some fandom people claim as their “sources” would even have seen those early scripts, since even Misha never saw it. I believe that these rumours of Dabb never having Cas in his finale and ignoring all Destiel elements likely come from people who only saw later versions, weren’t party to network discussions and felt bitter about the final scripts they did see (being the crappy butchered one that was ultimately filmed). Those “sources” are now spreading rumours to discredit Dabb.

I obviously believe Dabb is a weak ass pushover who either didn’t care enough to fight back, or gave up since he’s been stuck with fucking Bob Singer on his back for years, but I will NEVER believe he didn’t care about the DeanCas love story, because he has been one of the few writers who has championed for it for years. You can’t look back at Dabb’s episodes in earlier seasons and claim he didn’t care. Dabb was a writer whose creative ideas were beaten out of him by an unforgiving Network only concerned about where their future money was coming from. Do I think he gave up too easily? Yes. But I also have one other huge reason for not believing the bullshit about Dabb being this anti-Destiel villain.

Bobo. Because if Bobo truly believed Dabb was gonna fuck that up at the end, I don’t think he would have given us Cas’s love confession to begin with. If he had known it was gonna end like that, I think he would have reconsidered, because had Cas not confessed his love, I don’t think he would have been cut from the finale. Bobo - a gay man, would not have wanted such a horrible message for queer fans being put across in the show he worked so hard on. He started writing that confession scene the day they returned to the writers room. Dabb would have been there, would have seen what he was writing, probably discussed it with him, after all, other episodes were written with the confession in mind. No way was Dabb planning to fuck up the ending knowing what Bobo was giving us. Nope.

Something went very wrong over lockdown. Someone, somewhere up the chain of power caught wind of the confession scene in 15x18, realised that it demanded a resolution which would make Dean Winchester, their protagonist, queer, and pulled the plug. I believe this did not come from a place of homophobia, but of bad business sense.

The CW is constantly trying to win the approval and attention of the one demo group that they seem to fail at getting the most: young straight men. Supernatural was one of their only remaining shows that appeals to young straight men, and Dean Winchester is more often than not the fave character of those young straight men who project onto him. Making Dean Winchester, established Han Solo of Supernatural, queer and in love with his best friend in the finale would have come across as a betrayal to those young straight men. The CW probably feared they would lose that demo group for good, and with a show like Walker starting soon with Jared at the helm, they couldn’t take the risk.

Hence there was probably a whole bunch of back and forth script redrafts with the Network, with Dabb and Singer fighting to make a finale that would appeal to everyone. There was most likely no way that they could bring Cas back without addressing what had already been filmed, because any resolution of that plot would either a. make Dean queer, or b. address it awkwardly by having Dean reject Cas (this storyline would probably have been slammed by critics worse than the finale because it meant addressing it. It might have got the attention of LGBTQ activist groups and caused a bigger shitstorm than what we got). The best option was therefore C. Bury it and Cas, pretend it never happened. Never address it again and distract Dean with other things. Hope that Destiel fans will accept no answer from Dean as ambiguous enough to imagine a future reunion rather than shutting it down with a rejection, and still keep hold of the blissfully ignorant heteronormative straight boys so they can carry over to Walker when it starts.

I also believe (controversially probably) that there was concern that any resolution of Dean and Cas would have overshadowed network darling Jared Padalecki. If Dean and Cas had come together in the finale, with a very clearly textual homosexual reunion, then that would have been all anyone talked about. The reviewers, the critics, the audience, everyone. It would have been nothing but Dean and Cas (and look, if they did think this, they were right, Destiel trending over the US ELECTION.)

So what is the network to do, when they are losing the two stars who would get the most attention from this storyline? The one star they were holding on to and getting his own show, relegated to third place in the finale of the show where he was first on the call sheet? Nope. That’s pretty unacceptable. Even without Walker I can imagine people at all levels side eyeing the Destiel thing over the years. This IS a show about two brothers, and their relationship should be the core relationship, we can’t have one brother pushed aside in the finale to make way for a queer relationship that will get all the attention instead. It was never gonna get approved for this reason ALONE.

At the end of the day, if I look at it from a business perspective, it makes far more sense that the CW shut down Destiel, rather than “oh Dabb never cared and ruined it because he’s an idiot.” The writers cared, and had built on that story over years. But their mistake was leaving any Destiel resolution to the finale. If they had instead gone and got Dean and Cas together in early season 15, then they could have ended it in a way that satisfied everyone. Destiel wouldn’t have threatened pulling focus away from Sam and Dean, and the show could have gone out on a high.

When I lay out all the conspiracy theories, and line them up next to the cold hard facts, the conspiracy theories in some way or another, make more sense. To believe the company line, the narrative we have been fed, is to ignore your own eyes, ears, and memories pre March 2020.

All I’m asking people to do is take a look at the show, the narrative presented in the show, and the information presented above. I’m not telling you to believe what I’ve written here, half of which is just my own opinion. I’m asking you to ask yourselves if it makes sense to you. Because it sure as hell doesn’t make sense to me. I don’t think I’ll ever be satisfied.

[cloudenthusiast2]

To be a human - Scaramouche x reader - Part 1

Synopsis: You knew committing to a relationship Scaramouche would be no easy task but you loved him dearly and unlike others, you believed he wasn't evil. But as a mortal and the devoted protector of your village you were too much of a good person, too much of a human compared to him and your differences slowly start to show.

Next: Part 2

Type: mostly angst, this part is still light tho

Warnings: none... yet

Length: not as long as it seems. I'll try to write the next chapters as soon as possible

Scaramouche turned his back to the mountains he's been staring at to look at the path leading to Qingce village. The sun shone through the fog above the rice fields, colouring everything in golden light. Trees sighed as the gentle morning breeze caressed them while glaze lilies slowly started to close their blossoms.

The view was absolutely mesmerising but it didn't absorb the exoticly dressed, short man even for a minute.

'Finally' he snorted unpatiently as you appeared out of the fog, walking towards him with a big smile. 'What took you so long?'

'Good morning' you answered in a calm, low-key but still visibly cheerful manner.

He mumbled some words to himself but you didn't even try to understand what he was saying. It was probably for the better anyway.

You were both happy you could finally see each other but Scaramouche would obviously never express such feelings, not even towards you. You didn't care so much about that though since the time you spent with trying to bare with him finally paid off. You could confidently say now that you actually knew him and his difficult personality well.

Yes, the constant need to search for clues that could tell you about his hidden emotions was a little tiering but you could usually put up with it.

You haven't been able to see him in a really long time as well. You were living in a small village in Liuye while Scaramouche was always travelling around Teyvat and could only visit you between two jobs. He wasn't the type to write letters so sometimes even months passed without you hearing anything about him.

He came back to you yesterday agter five weeks, to spend a little time in Qingce, the village you lived in and protected with your biggest gift, a Hydro vision.

'Where do you want to go?'

'Doesn't matter.'

'We could go to the forest! It's really pretty in the morning. And later we could pick some chili. I promised Pops Kai that I would bring some to him.'

He didn't react. You knew he didn't like you - his words - 'being a slave of those people' so he just ignored the fact someone requested something from you again.

'How did your last job go?' You asked as you two were slowly walking below the rice fields, watching the sun come up from behind the mountains.

'Could have been worse' he answered curtly. 'Inazuma is a pain in the neck. And there were some... unfortunate events I do not wish to discuss. But at least now I'm back.'

He looked up to the village and his piercing blue eyes narrowed as he took a glance of the neat but definitely archaic looking houses.

'Even this hick town is better than thet hell hole.'

Your facial expression strained for a moment as you heard him insulting the village which happened to be your favourite place all in Teyvat. You calmed your expressions but couldn't help and sting back a little.

'I thought you liked Inazuma' you retorted in a dry tone. 'It's where you're from after all.'

Scaramouche's face immediately darkened and you instantly realised the big mistake you made.

You knew a little about his origins, just enough to understand why he never told about it to you. Regret appeared in you for mentioning his past. At least Scaramouche didn't scold you for it but the air between you two visibly got heavier.

You continued your walk in silence and you couldn't stop cursing yourself for saying such insensitive things. It took two minutes for you to start bickering - this number made you feel sad and stupid.

But then again - he didn't even realise how hard he insulted your village and even if he did, he probably wouldn't regret it by one bit.

You lifted your chin and looked straight into the distance. You could see the various fatui agents scattered around the village, all standing guard for the sixth harbinger next to you.

You didn't like him being a part of the fatui at all but there wasn't much you could do about it. You only hoped and prayed that he one day would leave them after getting enough of the Tsaritsa and her overwhelming, suffocating power. After all, he only joined them because they 'seemed fun' and so far they were more of an annoyance then an genuine source of amusement for him.

'Unless he likes all the bloody tasks they're handing to him' you thought to yourself and then couldn't help but feel a little sick in the stomach.

You loved the man walking next to you but not every part of his personality. Not that part which screamed evil.

You weren't blinded by love. You knew he was indeed cruel sometimes. The part affecting you, his rudeness, his hatred towards any type of affection didn't concern you, it was actually kind of amusing. You loved to tease him about it and when he had an actual soft moment... it was heaven itself.

But you couldn't help but feel worried for others. What was he actually doing behind your back? Did he ever... kill someone? He seemed to be enjoying ending monsters a little too much. And he was quite open about his feelings towards humans. He hated all of them... you were probably the only exception.

'Say, Scara' you decided to broke the silence. He glanced at you, his face and movements still stiff. 'If there was a job suiting you in Liyue...'

'Stop tryna make me quit the fatui' he cut into your words in a harsh tone. 'It's not going to happen.'

'That's not what I was trying to do. I just... want to see you more often. Even after months I can only get a day or two with you... and we're not even alone.'

'If it's the Tsaritsa's order then I will follow it.' You averted your eyes. Barely a sentence in and you were already dejected by his words. 'Even though... I'd like to see you more too.'

You quickly rose your chin just to catch a glance of him rolling his eyes before he quickly turned his head away.

A wide smile lit up your face and you couldn't help but instantly start to gently tease him.

'Oh my, am I mistaken or is the almighty Balladeer actually admitting his oh-so-ridicoulus wishes to a mortal? Scara, are you okay? Yore getting soft, be careful before you get so weak even a slime could defeat you!'

'Just shut up, okay?' He growled at you but you just happily laughed. He's back. 'I'm gonna take my words back if you only show disrespect at...'

'Sure, sure' you smirked. 'Just admit you have a crush on me, Weeky-mouche!'

'Your nicknames are absolutely ridiculous' he claimed, ignoring the rest of the sentence.

'Oh, so what do you want me to call you then?' The temptation was too strong, you couldn't help but wink at him which made him growl in disgust again. 'Sweetheart, perhaps? Or honey?'

'I swear, you're as annoying as that damn red scum' he snorted, referring to his colleague, Childe.

You wanted to continue teasing him but as you turned right on the path you were walking on, a small shilouette - even smaller than Scaramouche's - appeared in front of you.

'Oh, little Yu!' You gasped, recognising the little 4-years-old girl.

Her dark hair was sparkling from the light of the morning sun and it put a tiny fire into her golden eyes as well. She looked like a magical little creature in the mystical forest, surrounded by old trees and young flowers.

A precious smile lit her face up as she saw you and the little girl reached out with both of her hands.

'Miss Y/n!'

You picked her up in an instant. Your favourite thing in guarding Qingce village was the people that lived in it and Yu always had a special place in your heart.

'Are you picking flowers?' You asked her and gently brushed her hair out of her face. 'For who?'

'Mommy' explained the little girl. 'It's her birthday tomorrow!'

'You're a very kind little lady, Yu' you praised her with a gentle smile. Holding a tiny, adorable creature like her was amongst the best feelings you've experienced, next to being with your lover, Scaramouche.

You didn't realise it was mainly because you were completely touch-starved.

Yu nodded but she didn't look at you. You followed her glance and you realised she was staring at Scaramouche.

The man was standing three feet away from you, with crossed arms and a hostile look on his face.

'Who is he?' Little Yu asked from you, fixing her eyes on the unfriendly expression of Scara's.

'His name is Scaramou... Just call him Scara.'

The man and the girl stared at each other.

'You needn't be afraid of him. He doesn't bite' you said jokingly but the little child's face remained serious.

'Why isn't he smiling?' She asked quietly. Scara glared at her.

'He's a little hard to make smile but he's still a good person' you promised her.

'Are you sure?'

Her words were innocent but they hit you really hard. Your breath stopped for a second and the fake smile on your face faded away.

'Now listen here you little...'

'I am sure. Don't worry' you cut down Scaramouche, sending a warning look to him.

He stayed silent but he looked like he could explode at any moment.

Maybe the child was able to sense it, maybe not, but she tried to get out of your hug all of a sudden. You put her down carefully, not forgetting to caress her hair and rosy cheeks even though her words upset both of you.

'I'm gonna go pick more flowers.'

'Yes. Be careful in the forest.' You warned her. 'Call my name if you're in danger!'

She nodded and ran away on her bare feet, looking like a little fairy among the old trees.

Leaving you alone with Scaramouche.