#universe really just said my best friend breakup shall make up for all the romantic breakups I’ve never had | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

stayforya · 4 years ago

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SPRING DAY | MIN YOONGI

member: min yoongi

genre: soulmate!au

words: 7.9k

summary: from the moment you said hello to the moment you teared apart, from winter to spring – you never stopped thinking about each other, not even a day.

a/n: every time I listen to spring day, I can imagine many scenarios and this is one of them. long time friends/lovers who keep meeting again because life doesn't seem to want them apart.

spring, 5 years ago

spring is one of the most beautiful seasons. after a long, cold and monochromatic winter, the flowers start to bloom, the trees become green again and the fresh air and bright sun breathes life into people’s faces. you were going through a good moment – finally started college, met new people, got into a whole new world. even though you weren’t very good at starting things over, the challenging feeling would always be worth it in the end and you were quite excited about the unknown this time. the idea of how unexpected life is and how the little moments of today can become decisive in the future has given you a sense of "destined to be". the random person you partnered with for an assignment in the first few weeks of school was now your best partner, for instance.

later that day, you finished everything you had to do. in the front courtyard of the university, the cherry blossoms were blooming and some petals even fell due to the strong wind that blew every now and then. it was a romantic setting, some couples were walking and hugging, some people (like you) were watching or reading books under the trees, and a few others seemed to be living a decisive moment on a beautiful day. a day like that didn't go well with breakups, but the couple sitting on the bench a few meters from where you were seemed to be going through a difficult time.

“just tell me right away. you’re letting me go because you found a better one, isn’t it?”, his voice was stable and calm, as if he wasn't sad. but his face showed something else, he barely looked at the woman beside him.

“where would I find someone better than you? listen, what I’m saying is that we are both going through a hard time”, she explained, gesturing a lot.

“we are not going through a hard time in this relationship. our issues come from college, job, these kind of stuff. but between us, isn’t it all fine?”

she remained silent, no longer looking at him but at her own hands on her legs. you felt weird for listening to that conversation while keeping your head hidden behind the book you were reading.

“my family and I have other plans for me now. I’m going abroad”, the woman said. that made the guy immediately look at her, probably looking for answers in her face, but all he could find were more questions.

“so why are you creating excuses? why didn’t you say it right away?”

“I didn’t want to hurt you! and I am hurting too”, she was actively defending herself as if she was being wrongly accused.

“are you? are you really? I am almost graduating and I have no steady job, but I would move heavens and earth to find anything that would make you feel safer with me. I was ready to give you whatever you needed.”

his words were so sincere she started to cry. you could see the tears falling down from her big eyes and his hands reaching hers. she didn’t let him touch her hand because she reached out for a hug, holding him closer not to keep him, but to say goodbye. you didn’t know if he still had hope, if he was still waiting for her to change her mind and stay with him.

“you can’t give me what I need, yoongi. I’m sorry”, she said looking into his small and sad eyes that didn’t shed a tear.

“will you come back?”, he asked.

she shook her head in denial, “I still don’t know. don’t wait for me, though, you’ll find someone better.”

he didn’t say anything else while she stood up and left. he also didn’t look her way again, maybe because it would make the moment even harder. by the way his face seemed unbothered, you knew he was the type that hurts inside. the type that wanted her to stay, even though he didn’t ask for it directly. you spent the rest of the day thinking about this couple, the reasons that made her go away. as a believer, you know everything happens for a reason and you were dying to know how that love story would lead to the other chapters of that couple’s life. it was just your common habit, to imagine what fate had prepared for people, how moments interconnected and how paths could cross again. you always think about it, always about others, never about you.

didn't fate have something ready for you too?

winter, 5 years ago

rainy days were great... when you were home. to go out in the pouring rain could be very annoying, considering what the wet weather makes to your hair and how tricky it is to run under the rain. as if you didn't know that, you still left home late. you had this very important presentation about modern art at the fine art department, which was open to the public. thankfully, there would be many other presentations happening at the same time as yours and the rain could make people give up going. the auditorium was reasonably full when you arrived. there were fifteen minutes to go and your professor was already looking at her watch impatiently when she saw you walk through the doors.

“I thought you wouldn’t come!”

“I’m sorry, ms. lee. the rain didn’t help at all”, you sighed, putting your bag on the table. “is everything ready?”

“yes, we still have some time. here”, she handed you a bottle of water. she was a great professor. that presentation wasn't the easiest thing you had done in life (in fact, it was very challenging), but she believed you when she chose you after a classroom presentation. and when someone believes in you, you must also believe in yourself.

during the remaining fifteen minutes, more people arrived and you went up the stairs to the auditorium stage. your heart was beating so hard that you could only hear the blood pumping. talking about modern art is a pleasure to you. from the historical to the visual – when the pictures appeared on the big screen behind you –, it was like immersing yourself in the painters' minds. all you wanted to do was to transmit some passion on to those who were watching the presentation, because that is exactly what you feel when you are studying the fascinating world of art.

and so you did. you didn’t have more than thirty minutes to say everything you wanted to say, but it went just like you rehearsed a hundred times at home. it was fascinating to see some unknown faces enjoying the historical and visual travel you tried to communicate through the images stamped on the big screen. after you, someone else would present too for the next thirty minutes, so you sat down to watch and breath again, feeling as if a heavy weight was taken off your back.

“what is the next presentation about?”, you whispered to your colleague.

“it’s about the relationship between music and art”, he gave you the flyer of the event. you found your photo there, along with all the people who would be presenting that week, schedules and themes. you were too focused on that flyer, but when classical music reached your ears, your attention went directly to the stage.

the man on the stage was wearing all black clothes. the turtleneck shirt, the coat on top of it and the glasses made him look like a professor, but you knew that everyone who was presenting was still a student. he spoke smoothly, which perfectly matched what he was talking about and made the entire auditorium pay attention not to miss a word. somehow that spell was hitting you too. you had studied a lot what you needed to say, but the way he spoke seemed like he had already been born knowing everything. it was a relief that he took the stage after you and not before.

after all, everyone got up and started to leave the auditorium. the organizing team, however, remained there and so did you. the turtleneck guy (you decided to call him like that) was there, still talking to two people who went to ask him questions after the presentation. you were also finishing a brief conversation with a girl very interested in modern art.

ms. lee called you and you immediately answered. she wanted to thank everyone for the hard work, as she always did. you saw the turtleneck guy approaching the group too.

“it was great, everyone! we shall do it again”, the whole group smiled. “of course I need to thank the team from music department, thank you for joining us and bringing so much content to today’s meeting. mr. min, your professor must be very proud of you.”

it seemed like everyone knew who mr. min was, you were the last one to find out by looking at the same direction as ms. lee. the turtleneck guy was mr. min and it sounded even more sophisticated.

“thank you, ms. lee”, he formally thanked while a shy smile appeared on his lips. you wondered if you were overanalysing him, since you couldn’t lose any opportunity of looking at him, mainly because his face was somehow familiar.

you didn’t know you’d do what you did next until you already had done. when everyone started to leave the auditorium, you followed mr. min-turtleneck for some reason.

“congratulations on your presentation”, he looked back to find out who was the owner of the voice. it was okay to say that, right? you and him were the ones who presented something, so it was perfectly okay to congratulate him.

“oh, thank you. congratulations on yours, too”, it was kind of... nonchalant. or maybe you were expecting more, even though he didn't say more than this to anyone else during the last minutes.

he kept walking and you stood in the hall, wondering if you should walk into another auditorium to attend a lecture or just go home. the rain hadn’t ceased, you could see through the big glass doors of the building, and your professor and colleagues had gone somewhere else, but you had already lost sight of them. you walked to the glass doors to watch the rain while you waited for it to stop. it wasn't like you had nothing to do, you just weren't in a hurry to get home.

your phone was ringing non-stop because of the messages, which you read and replied quickly. the ideal for that post-presentation night was to go out with your friends, eat something, have fun. however, everyone was busy or traveling, so you would have to deal with an evening alone watching netflix and eating chips (which wasn't too bad, honestly).

you felt a human presence next to you, but you were too absorbed in watching the rain to look at the person. only when you heard the sound of someone putting up an umbrella, you redirected your attention. about to step out of the building, there he was: mr. min. you swear you looked at him for only two seconds, but it was enough for him to notice and look back at you. you didn’t avoid eye contact, though, because it would be more awkward and, honestly, you didn’t know what to do when the whole hall was empty, leaving you and him alone.

“do you have an umbrella?”, he asked. the words ran out your mind for a moment.

“I don’t”, you answered. it would definitely be easier to say you did, so the conversation would be over and your mind would be at ease again, because your brain was working so hard you didn’t understand what was going on. was it because he was a very smart guy and you were scared to sound stupid?

“do you want to...”, he didn’t finish the sentence and you felt so much better to see he was feeling awkward to say that too. mr. min was pointing to his own umbrella with his head, which meant he was willing to help you get to the bus station or wherever you were going.

“it’s fine, I can wait.”

“it doesn’t seem like it will stop anytime soon...”

you looked at him for a while and shrugged, “fine”. you were proud of yourself, since you seemed calm and unconcerned by the way you responded . your brain rested a little now that the situation was under your control, but it didn't take long for you to feel tense again. he wouldn't borrow the umbrella, he would go with you under it, and the space seemed too small. “you can leave me at the bus stop”.

the whole one minute walk was silent. when you reached the bus stop, you were ready to say goodbye and thank him for the help. however, he didn’t leave, he put down the umbrella and stood there.

“it’s okay, you can go if you want to...”

he looked at you, confused, “go? where?”

you were as confused as him. “wait, will you wait for the bus too?”

“yes. why did you think I was here?”, his tone was calm, but you felt your face warming slowly as if you said something wrong. “wait, did I sound harsh?”, there was a bit of concern in his voice.

“no”, you giggled.

“oh. I thought I made you blush because I sounded harsh.”

“huh? you didn’t- forget it”, you gave up and he smiled, not looking at you. you just stood there, waiting for the bus. it took about five minutes, but it felt like forever because you and mr. min were in complete silence. by the way, calling him ‘mr. min’ was starting to sound weird now that you saw a glimpse of his sense of humor.

when the bus arrived, he started to move and you noticed he was about to get on. he was closer to the door, so he got on first and sat on the chairs at the back. the bus was almost empty, just you, him and three people sat separately. where would you sit? would it be weird to sit far from him after getting to know him, or it would be better to sit next to him since you got to know him? it was pretty confusing and you had to think quickly.

he was looking through the window when you sat by his side, unbothered by your presence. you were feeling stupid for sitting there and for the fact that your heart was beating faster than it should in this situation. why was that, though? maybe because of the mysterious vibe he had and how he started to show a glimpse of his personality when he joked about you blushing.

you knew breaking the silence was the only way to make it less awkward. “are you going home?”

“no, I’ll meet some friends”, he said, looking at the watch on his left arm. you never noticed watches a lot, for you they were just essencial items. but looking at his left arm, relatively close to yours, that silver watch was shining and his hands were so beautiful. you scolded yourself for paying attention to those details, after all, it would only lead you to have a crush on someone who had a high chance of never seeing you again. “you?”

“I’m heading home”, you felt his eyes indirectly looking at you.

“you don’t seem very excited about it”, he said and you still felt his eyes on you. he was looking at your arms holding your bag, because you two were a little too close to look at each other’s faces.

“I am not, indeed. I’ll just buy food and watch a nice christmas movie”

“so, netflix and-”

“stop there, just netflix”, you interrupted him immediately because you didn't know if he would complete the sentence. he laughed after he understood what you were saying.

“I was just going to say netflix and eat”, discreetly, he raised his hands in surrender. “what are you planing to watch?”

you shrugged, “anything, from the grinch to a cliche rom-com.”

“it sounds fun, though”, he started to look at the window again.

“you don’t look like someone who watches the grinch or cliche rom-coms”, you said.

“it depends. I think everyone needs to watch movies like these once in a while.”

“and christmas time seems like the perfect time to watch them.”

“exactly”, he agreed. it didn't look like he was the serious person who was giving a lecture an hour ago, because of the way he managed to get from that to someone talking about fun movies with a stranger on the bus, and that said a lot about him. “oh, I gotta go”

the bus slowly stopped close to a busy street full of restaurants and people. he stood up and looked at you before the door opened.

“I’m yoongi, by the way”, he said.

“I’m y/n. nice to meet you”, you smiled without much excitement, a little disappointed because he was getting off the bus.

summer, 4 years ago

it was finally summer time, the sun was bright and high in the sky. you felt it warming your skin and it felt good, because it was time to have fun. your friends called, wondering where were you. they were waiting for you at a restaurant, with some other friends of them and people you probably didn’t know yet. but to be honest, you were excited. it was summer, time to have fun and enjoy. plus, you were free for that day and the whole weekend too.

you entered through the front glass doors, thankful for the cold air conditioner that reduced the heat, because the day was really hot outdoors. your friend raised her hand, signaling where they were, and you walked to the table. there were ten people there, most of them you didn’t know but already had seen before.

you sat next to your other friend and she immediately asked if you wanted to eat something. you said yes, while she started to introduce you to everyone, but then your eyes met someone else’s. his eyebrows raised discreetly and you tilted your head to the left, trying to understand if you were really seeing what your eyes were witnessing.

“we know each other”, he said when your friend said his name and yours, introducing both of you.

“really?”, she was surprised and glad at the same time. the way her eyes looked at yours said something, you immediately remembered: she said you and one of her friends definitely should meet, because you two would match well. was it him?

“yeah, we met before. it’s good to see you again”

“you too”, he said and then everyone started side conversations. he was sitting in front of you, which made him comfortable to talk a little bit more. “did you watch the grinch?”

“hm?”, you almost choked on what you were drinking, “you didn’t forget, right? actually I watched it and other two movies that night.”

“oh, it was a long night, then”, he took a sip of his drink.

“yep, it was”, you took a sip too.

when all of you left the restaurant, the sun was almost setting and the weather was much better. each would go their own way, some as a couple, others among friends and others alone. your two friends were accompanied by their boyfriends, but they still asked if you would like them to go home with you. you said you would be fine, you wanted to buy some stuff before going home, anyway.

“didn’t you like him?”, one of them asked.

“who? yoongi?”

“yeah, he’s the guy I mentioned, the one that matches you well.”

you laughed, “no, forget it. but he’s nice.”

“well, you should give it a shot...”, she shrugged and smiled. yoongi said goodbye to his friends and walked up to you with his hands in his pockets. there were only you and him behind everyone else.

“are you going to ride the bus?”

you looked at him quickly, “no, I’ll buy some stuff before.”

he nodded and didn’t say anything else, which forced you to speak again to keep the conversation going. you wanted to talk to him.

“and you?”

“I have nothing to do right now.”

“is this your way of offering to go with me?”

“excuse me?”, he looked at you and smiled. you noticed you were smiling too, because looking at his face made you smile for no reason. “if you want me to go, just ask.”

“I want you to come with me. what about it?”

“I will go with you, thanks”, he was acting so cool you laughed at his attitude.

walking around with yoongi wasn’t supposed to be that fun – at least you didn’t expect it to be. he helped you to find nice sneakers, laughing at the ones that didn’t fit your style at all. he went to the makeup store with you, giving an opinion on everything you tested (but his opinion wasn’t always valid because, when it comes to makeup, he said all of them looked good on you).

“do you want to eat something?”, you asked, “you must be hungry.”

“nah, we have been walking for just four hours”, he exaggerated and made you laugh. you were walking just for one hour and a half, maybe.

“is that so boring to walk around with me that it feels like four hours?”, you pretended to be offended, but he hesitated for a second, as if reflecting on what he said before. “I’m just kidding”, you said.

“you really got me thinking for a second”, yoongi said and you two laughed for real. when you laugh with someone, it's like a connection is created between you. that's exactly what happened, and because of that connection, the two of you were closer, including physically. if at the beginning of the meeting you were a little far away, respecting the space, at that moment you could already feel your hand touching his when the bags you were holding hit the ones he was holding.

yoongi said he knew a nice place to stop by and eat, so you told him to take you there. it was a lovely cafe with a pleasant atmosphere, and he guided you to the second floor, where there were fewer people and more space to be at ease. he asked for the bag that was in your hand, added it to the bag that was in his and placed it near you.

“I’ve never been here, it’s nice”, you said.

“I come here mostly by myself, it's a quiet place to work. and the food here is great”, yoongi looked through the glass wall, through which you could see the street.

“and you work with music”, you guessed it from the lecture months ago.

“yes, I do”, he smiled slightly, but with satisfaction. you could tell he was looking even more cute at that moment under that light. “I like it very much, to be honest. but tell me about you too”

“what do I do? I am still studying art and now working with it. an internship”, you said.

“by the way you spoke at that lecture, I’m sure you’re doing amazing”, he said, but didn’t look directly at your face. the way yoongi was confident at some moments and shy at other ones made you smile every time.

the conversation was interrupted by the person bringing the orders. you thought you both would eat in silence, but none of you could stop talking. he asked more about you, and you answered, also asking about him. it was obvious how you two wanted to know each other in a short amount of time, as if at the end of the date you would part ways for a long time, like before.

you liked when he laughed at what you said, because it felt like winning an award. yoongi was deeply into that conversation, almost forgetting to eat the cake you two were sharing.

“if you don’t eat, I’ll do it”, you said.

“I’m full just by watching you eat”, he said and you giggled immediately, “was it too cringy?”, he laughed too.

“no, it wasn’t”, you knew your eyes said it all. you were having way too much fun.

yoongi told you stories about his work, his university years and his friends. you could say he was comfortable with you by the way he spoke easily, not holding back details. you enjoyed to listen to his intelectual side, the way he knew everything about music; but when he told you stories about his life, it was even more enjoyable.

but he didn't just talk, because he wanted to know about you too. after only two or three questions from him, you were comfortable talking about your life and your plans. it wasn’t difficult to do that because he didn’t judge what you said or thought, he was interested.

it is extremely difficult to put some feelings into words, but to shorten the story: the feeling was that you had found much more than a nice person, but a connection so strong that for a minute you could believe in soul mates. not soul mates who can’t live without each other, or who are incomplete on their own, or who knew each other from other lives, as people said. not like this. you felt like you connected more than through a good conversation, or physically, but in an even deeper way.

after eating and being much more closer than before, he walked to the bus stop with you. it was time to part ways and you were already missing the unexpected date you and him had.

“let me give you my number”, he said, right away. you felt your heart skip a beat.

“here”, you handed him your phone. he called his number so your number could show up on his phone and he saved it.

“I had a great time today”, you said, not looking directly into his eyes.

“me too”, hands on the pockets. “wasn’t it unexpected? how we met today.”

“yeah, I had no idea we had mutual friends.”

“neither did I, even though my friends know a lot of people”, he smiled. “but it was a nice surprise to see you again.”

you finally looked at him. his eyes were affectionate, just like everything about him.

“then we should see each other again”, you said.

“then don’t go”, he joked, but he was also saying the truth. “you can call me, ok?”

“I’ll be waiting for your call, too”

“I’ll do it at the moment I ride the bus”, he said and you smiled.

you got closer to him, your arms touching his. why wait? slowly, you touched his arms and placed yourself into them. you hugged him and he hugged you back, trying to hold on from not holding you closer and tighter. you felt his head touching yours.

you and yoongi were so close that when you separated from the embrace, it was inevitable that the faces wouldn’t touch. then, without thinking too much, the two of you leaned in sync for a kiss. his gentle and warm lips touching yours, warming not only your face but your whole body. yoongi’s right hand stroked your hair and the side of your face, which made you forget everything else. he smiled when he noticed you liked the kiss. yes, you liked the kiss and you liked him. you liked to spend time with him. you could forget the bus, but it was almost arriving. your hand touched his neck and you left a last kiss on his pink small lips, noses touching.

autumn, 3 years ago

in one year together, a lot happened to you and yoongi. a lot of great things. you had dated before, but no one could ever compare to him. he was something else, he was special. he could be a very serious and focused guy when working, fun and affectionate when with you. was it possible not to love him? not to want to spend your whole life with him?

the way he holds you, kisses your cheeks with his pink lips, buries his face on your neck, caresses your hair. the way he tells you beautiful things, talks to you about his feelings, plays the piano while you’re around, watches the corniest movies with you and make fun of every cheesy line of it.

he doesn’t say he loves you all the time, because he shows it through every single thing he does for you and with you. but when he says it, he’s so sure, so intense, you could marry him right away.

“you look tired”, he said, as tired as you after a long day of work.

“it’s because I am”, you smiled looking at him. you two were cuddling on the sofa.

“do you want to eat?”

“no, I’m fine”, you touched his hair. “how about you?”

“as long as I’m with you I’m good”, he hid his face on your neck so his voice was barely audible.

you caressed his hands until he looked at you again, then leaning to a kiss. he loved when you kissed him first, he once said it (and never again, because he was shy to admit sometimes, but you knew it just by the way he smiled when your lips touched). he touched your arm, shoulder, neck, until his fingers were placed comfortably in your hair. he kissed you slowly and when your lips parted, still close enough, he looked at you and said “I love you”. he meant that. he always did. he meant it with his gentle touch, kisses, hugs, words, and even when he didn’t say anything but cared for you in so many ways. “please, just stay forever”, you whispered against his lips. he gave you a smooch. “between you and I, nothing will ever change”.

that moment lasted forever. it really felt eternal and you didn’t want to leave. you were in his apartment, which was almost half yours just by the amount of time you spent there. he gave you the password, said you could go there whenever you wanted, even if he wasn’t home. you did the same, gave your password to him, and that led you to a bunch of times he surprised you when you arrived home. wherever, to be you and him alone was the best thing in the world.

the bell rang and took you out of that moment. it was not eternal, after all. you hadn't ordered food, nobody was coming to visit. what could it be? you stayed there, sitting on the sofa, and yoongi got up to open the door, without even checking who was it through the screen next to the door. he didn't expect it to be who it was. he was too sure it was probably someone knocking on the wrong door, but it wasn't.

“jia?”, you couldn’t see who it was from where you were sitting, but he sounded very surprised.

“hey, long time no-”, she walked in and found you on the sofa, as confused as she was from that moment on, “oh, sorry.”

you got up quickly, as if you were a visitor and not the person who has been in that house almost every day in the last few months. “it’s okay”, you tried to smile.

“I’m jia”, she said.

“I’m y/n, nice to meet you”

yoongi was still there, but you almost forgot. he was the central figure in the story, the person who knew you and knew jia, yet he was immobilized behind her. you could see him from where you were and he was uncomfortable, you knew it.

“sorry, y/n, this is jia. and jia, this is... y/n”, he said, pausing before he said your name. you thought he would say who jia was and who you were, but he didn’t. “I didn’t expect you to come here”, he said to her.

“I thought you were by yourself, that’s why I came over. I arrived last week, but I lost your number... anyway, I’m sorry for interrupting”, she looked at you and you could say she wasn’t expecting you there. for some reason you felt like you were the person who was interrupting, because something about the way jia and yoongi communicated had some kind of familiarity from long before you.

“yeah, hm... the boxes are in the bedroom”, yoongi extended his arm towards the bedroom door. his bedroom. jia excused herself and opened the bedroom door, once again with such intimacy that it felt like she lived there for a long time. still standing there, you thought: maybe she really lived.

yoongi breathed out through his mouth, running a hand through his hair.

“won’t you help her?”, you said. it came out of your lips before you even think properly. he finally looked at you.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t expecting it to happen... like this.”

“was it supposed to happen, then?”, you asked, looking for your bag.

“yes, she was supposed to pick up her stuff a long time ago. I was almost sending it to charity... wait, are you going?”

you tried to look at the bedroom discreetly and saw jia there, “well, she’s right now sitting on your bed, I don’t think she’ll leave too soon.”

“hey”, he knew you were uncomfortable with the situation, “I’m sorry, it really was unexpected... jia is my ex girlfriend, as you may have noticed. we broke up a long time ago and now she’s just picking up her stuff.”

“yoongi”, jia showed up with a medium box and a backpack. yoongi, who was touching your arms, stopped instantly. you noticed, of course. “I couldn’t find my perfume anywhere”

“maybe you didn’t put it in the box or it’s just not here”, he said.

“yeah... that was a good one”, she looked at him and they were communicating through their eyes, a communication you were not part of and you would not understand. “hope you’re not keeping it, huh”, she joked and laughed.

you couldn’t see very well, but yoongi smiled for a second. what was happening there? were they just very friendly? you were there. his girlfriend. why were they acting as if you were just another friend standing there, or worse, as if you weren’t even there?

“I’ll open the door for you”, he walked her to the door and you stood there. you wanted to move, but somehow you were stuck.

“see you?”, she smiled at you.

you smiled back, “see you”, even though you didn’t really mean it.

“oh, this is heavy...”, jia said.

“is your car downstairs?”, yoongi asked, opening the door.

“no, I took a cab here. I’ll just take the bus home now. it’s not that late, right?”

you showed up next to them, bag on your shoulder. yoongi looked at you and you felt like she was indirectly asking him to take her home.

“I can... give you a ride, I guess”, he looked at her and then at you, wondering if you were okay with that. “it only takes ten minutes, I’ll come back”

“no problem, I’m also going home”, you said.

“won’t you wait? I thought you’d-”

“stay?”, you completed the sentence, “next time. bye”

you walked out. when you reached the sidewalk, you felt weaker and hated yourself for that. it was as if the feelings were hitting you because you knew, somehow, that would lead to something bad.

winter, 3 years ago

you wish everything could be different. the arrival of jia shook everything between you and yoongi, even when you tried so hard to keep it steady. she wasn’t a bad person exactly, but she surely wanted to start over from where they stopped and you felt like an intruder. days went by and things started to get harder. firstly she showed up out of nowhere to return his old coat that was still in her stuff. then, she started to send him messages, or set up a meeting with friends from the university days so he could go too.

you never really told him you were annoyed by this. you just questioned him a couple times and he noticed how upset you were when jia made a new move. maybe the lack of communication set you two apart. day by day, you were drifting away from him and it was harder to come back to what you two were as a couple. you stopped going to his house, started to find excuses to not meet him, because you knew everything was different for you now.

until the day he came to your house to spend time with you. you were different, you just couldn’t be with him like before, as if by staying far from him you could avoid the inevitable heartbreak.

“what’s going on, y/n?”, for the first time ever you saw him extremely worried and upset.

“nothing, I just... I’m just tired, yoongi”

“you don’t tell me what’s going on anymore, we don’t go out as often as we used to, you don’t even... you don’t even kiss me like you did before.”

tears started to fall from your eyes slowly, “did you ever ask? since your ex came back, did you ever ask why was I different?”

“why is jia a problem? what’s really going on?”

“see? I am telling you! everything changed from the day she put her feet on your apartment and it felt like she was just coming back to her place. she’s finding any excuse to meet you and you’re simply going. can’t you see? she doesn’t want to be friends with you, she wants you. I just don’t want to compete for a place in your heart.”

you didn’t know how but it all came out as a flash flood. was he really naive about her intentions or did he like it?

“y/n...”, he hugged you and you let him do it. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

“and I don’t want to be hurt. that’s why I can’t be the same anymore. I can’t be who I was because I feel like things changed.”

“please, I love you...”, he didn’t know what else to say but you could feel his heart beating fast.

“don’t say it...”, there in his arms, all your worries seemed to fade.

“there’s nothing going on between me and jia. it’s all past. please, don’t let it set us apart now.”

you walked away from the hug and looked at him. “is there something you wanna tell me?”, you knew him very well.

he sighed, sitting on the sofa. you sat by his side, still waiting. “I received my enlistment letter a while ago, before even meeting you that day. I can’t postpone it anymore, mainly now that I already achieved my academic goals. I really need to fulfill my duty, y/n.”

“wait...”, you were confused, “I thought you already completed your military service.”

“most people did... I wish I could have done it before, but I had to go through a shoulder surgery. I told you about the accident while working for the company that fired me after that. I was dealing legally for a long time to finally receive the benefits I didn't get from the company back then, and jia was helping me with this, since she’s a lawyer.”

“you should have told me.”

“yes. I should have told you since the start. I’m sorry for that... I didn’t want to worry you.”

“the only reason you postponed was the surgery?”

“no, at that time I got accept into the university and wasn’t able to stop studying for two years, because I was enjoying it so much ”, he was very sincere. “I love to study and work with music, but I know I also have to fulfill my duty now.”

to hear him say that again made it feel more real.

“when are you going?”

“next week”, he looked away while saying this.

you blinked twice, trying to understand if you heard correctly. some of it had been explained, but now a new problem has arisen. you knew, he had to serve for two years in the army. two long years. would you two be able to wait? you needed to think. the idea of seeing him just a couple times during the year, how would you deal with it?

he pulled you into a hug again and then whispered, “I’m sorry”, and you almost didn’t hear it. he hugged you so tight, you wanted to cry. cry because of everything, cry because of him, because of you, because of the love you were feeling.

“will we be able to do it?”, you looked at him, still into his arms.

he touched your face and looked into your eyes. you knew his eyes very well and you could notice the sadness in them. “I don’t want to be apart”.

“neither do I.”

but how would you manage it? he didn’t know. none of you did. you only knew you wanted him – would that be enough for the two years ahead? so many questions. you shut all of them by kissing him like before, like you missed him already.

summer, 2 years ago

since you lost contact with yoongi, you were trying to move on day by day. breaking up wasn’t the only solution, but you and yoongi decided it was the best. you met him one day before he enlisted and had a great time together, as friends.

you talked to him once in a while, when he sent a text or a picture, and it made your hear race because of the notification. you met your friends in common, even met jia on a store, which was surprisingly nice. but of course, even moving on, even finding things to do on your own, even not being in bad terms with him, you couldn’t stop thinking about him and wondering: did he think of you too? would you even meet him again?

you didn’t know, but he always thought of you. he thought about sending you a text or a picture when he had time to use his phone, but maybe it wasn’t the best option since you were living a life without him now. he was thinking of you while you were thinking of him. missing each other and wondering without answers.

on a day off, he was walking by the same street you two hang out on that summer day, for the first time. he didn’t know you were there too, just like you didn’t know he was there, but for a second you thought you saw him.

winter, months ago

how could you watch the grinch and those cheesy rom-coms without thinking of him? you smiled, wanting to send him a picture of your tv. “hey, guess what I’m watching for the 2397473rd time?”, you almost typed. does he have time off on christmas or... has he been discharged already? no, maybe he’s busy, you thought.

he was home that night, by himself. drinking wine, eating and, yes, watching tv. searching for the grinch or any new rom-com to watch, even though he didn’t really enjoy those at first. but because of you and the memories you two created together, those kind of movies made him feel good, have a good laugh and think of you.

spring, nowadays

life is better on spring – that’s what you always thought. just by walking and seeing the cherry blossoms painting the world in pink made you feel like a brand new person. you were feeling good, having a nice time, feeling the spring breeze on your hair. for the first time in a while, you weren’t overthinking anything, your mind was completely in that moment.

it was 4pm, you finished all your work for that day and it was time to go home, take a bath, maybe hang out with your friends later... you were open to other possibilities. when you approached the avenue, the pedestrian crossing traffic light turned red and you remained standing, holding the bag with both hands in front of your body. you were looking at nothing in particular, but when your eyes briefly passed over the faces of people across the avenue, a face caught your eye.

under the golden light of that time of day, yoongi was standing in front of you. many meters away, but still in front of you. you would walk to the side he was on, he would walk to the side where you were and your paths would cross in the middle of the avenue. maybe he would pretend he didn't see you, or maybe you would. but was it possible to pretend when it was written on your faces how surprised you were to see each other again?

the traffic light was now green for the pedestrians and everything seemed to happen in slow motion. you started walking and then lost sight of him. for a second you thought you would stop in the middle of the avenue, just to look for him, but you were still walking to the other side.

when all the people walked by and you were reaching the sidewalk on the side he was on, you saw him. standing in the same place, one hand in his pocket and the other holding his cell phone and wallet. looking at you. a strong breeze made some flowers come off the tree and it looked like a movie scene, those beautiful ones. was it fate? was that moment meant to be?

you were finally by his side, on the sidewalk, and felt his gaze on you. you always thought that, if you saw him, your first impulse would be to hug him again, but no – something stopped you.

“hey”, he said first.

“hi”, you answered. “nice to see you”

“I’m- hm, nice to see you too. how are you?”

“I’m fine, yeah”, you brushed a strand of hair away from your face. “and you? how’s life going?”

you knew he finished his service months ago because a friend in common posted a picture with him.

“great, I got a new job after completing my service”, he was still talking when a very hurried person accidentally bumped on your shoulder. then yoongi touched your arm lightly, so that the two of you would move away from that busy area a little.

“this is great news! I’m happy that now you’ll be able to keep working with what you like the most.”

“yeah, right? well... I’d love to hear about you too. maybe we can see each other anytime?”

you just needed five seconds of courage and less pride. now or never, you thought.

“do you have time?”, you heard the words coming out of your mouth.

“now?”, you could see he was surprised, but not in a bad way.

“yes. maybe”

“I do”, he said, “let’s go somewhere, then”

“I need to buy some stuff, if you don’t mind”

“no problem”, he said with a smile on his face. you knew it because you looked at him quickly, smiling too. you two were walking side by side, trying to avoid eye contact and craving for looking at each other at the same time. it would take just a few minutes for you two to start feeling comfortable again, after all this time. you knew it because it was like this since the first time you met him and, years later, it surely didn’t change.

it was a spring day again; you missed him and he missed you. but now you were face to face.

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bisluthq · 4 years ago

Text

SS Tily does not lay claim to Lover; a thesis

I thought this would take me longer but y’all, I’m done with Part 2 of my Gaylor analyses. Unfortunately this chapter brings bad news for Tily nation. I honestly don’t think many of the songs on Lover are about that relationship. But I also think it’s not as simple as the mainstream Kaylor narrative would have us believe. Let’s dive into this, shall we?

First things first. I think it’s worth noting that many of the songs on this album are not about romantic relationships at all. Like it’s a bit of a marketing ploy to portray it as an album primarily about romantic love when so many songs explicitly aren’t about that feeling. In fact, there are more themes on Lover than on any of her earlier stuff - it’s something she expands on in folklore.

I Forgot That You Existed, The Man, The Archer (which I firmly believe is about her debating coming out), Miss Americana & the Heartbreak Prince (very obviously about the political situation generally and supported by the doccie title), London Boy, Soon You’ll Get Better, YNTCD, and ME! are all about explicitly different themes. Obviously there are a couple references within those (like ME! has that line about “I never leave well enough alone” which reappears on the 1, and The Archer mentions someone “staying” but I still think ME! is about self-love not romantic love and The Archer is about personal anxiety around identity). Fundamentally, they are not love songs.

I don’t think that’s really up for debate. The only one I can see anyone - say Toes or like hardcore Tily fans - debating is London Boy. Unfortunately for my Tily babes, I do think it’s satire that serves as a homage to Joe and the other British beards, and possibly riffs a teeny bit on her time with Lily. Contrary to some gold medalists in Kaylor mental gymnastics, I fully believe Tay does make reference to Joe in her lyrics (I’ve mentioned the fictional verse for Dress and the reference to “keeping him” in Ready for It). This really doesn’t have any of the hallmarks of Tily songs off of Rep. The British references in CIWYW, KOMH and Delicate are subtle and chilled and actually quite cute. London Boy is an onslaught of non-sequiturs about London, the UK and her beards. Also “stories from uni” fits both Joe and Tom H, but it doesn’t fit Lily who never went to university. All her Lily songs are about hiding out in private; London Boy is all about galavanting around town with “his” friends (Lily and Tay had the same friends though?) It’s simply not about the same person or the same relationship.

I do think there’s a chance it could be poking fun (lightly) at Lily/that period she spent in London because as I’ve already said I think Tay is not above shading ex-girlfriends and it seems like the kind of thing Karlie would’ve also found a bit funny. I think when she got back together with Karlie - which almost definitely happened - she would’ve 100% laughed about the “say you fancy me not fancy stuff” era. That would explain the recurrence of both Motown and queen imagery, which first appeared on KOMH. But where KOMH felt very genuine and authentic, this one is obviously meant to be funny.

Right. So. Now that we’ve established 8 songs are about other themes, let’s get the Kaylor songs sorted: Cruel Summer, Cornelia Street, DBATC, False God and Daylight are all undeniably about Karlie fucking Kloss. They all feature the images and tropes and hallmarks that pepper Karlie songs. They all have the same kinds of emotions. And they paint a pretty sad, troubling and complex picture.

Cruel Summer comes first and seems to mostly be about their first breakup, which she first referred to on DWOHT. We have Tay once again begging Karlie to stay and work it out and not being certain for sure about her feelings.

We say that we'll just screw it up in these trying times

We're not trying (Oh yeah, you're right, I want it)

I mean that’s super sad. Tay’s saying they discussed how they’ll fuck it all up, and she’s feeling like they’re not even trying to fix things. You also have that “I want it” which is interesting considering the “we” that preceded it. “We’re” not trying because only “I want it”. Ouch.

Killing me slow, out the window

I'm always waiting for you to be waiting below

Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes

What doesn't kill me makes me want you more

And it's new, the shape of your body

It's blue, the feeling I've got

And it's ooh, whoa oh

It's a cruel summer

It's cool, that's what I tell 'em

No rules in breakable heaven

But ooh, whoa oh

It's a cruel summer

With you

Here we have “I’m always waiting for you” which yet again suggests Tay is the one who’s more invested. Then we have the shape of “your” body (which is a familiar concept from Dress), but the feeling it gives her here is blue here not gold - maybe that’s why the shape is new? In the past Karlie’s body made her feel golden but now it’s a bluer, sadder feeling. Blue starts recurring more frequently on these late era Kaylor songs. There’s a possible alternate reading, which is blue = Swiftgron (“my love had been frozen deep blue”). It’s a nice theory but it just doesn’t gel with the garden gate below. Also, while both relationships seem to have been colored by commitment issues, the premise of unrequitedness doesn’t really feature on the songs about Di. She asks Di to stay, tells her she’s thinking of her, and they’re “too in love to think straight” but Tay never says Karlie loves her back. Ever. It’s never expressly mutual.

I'm drunk in the back of the car

And I cried like a baby coming home from the bar (Oh)

Said, "I'm fine," but it wasn't true

I don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you

And I snuck in through the garden gate

Every night that summer just to seal my fate (Oh)

And I scream, "For whatever it's worth

I love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?"

He looks up, grinning like a devil

Look at that fourth line. It perfectly fits with the Kaylor narrative on Rep and it doesn’t fit the Tily songs at all. She wanted to keep that second relationship private and secret and hidden. And here she’s saying “I don’t want to keep secrets” - this is take two of “I don’t want you like a best friend”. Also the “for whatever it’s worth” reminds me of “here’s the truth” from End Game. It’s the kind of thing you’d say in the midst of a fight.

Then we have her screaming “I love you” and receiving no reply as usual beyond a devilish grin. The more I do these analyses the less I understand how or why Kaylor gets romanticized in the way it does, while Swiftgron gets bashed for toxicity. Like my girl Tay has a thing for chaotic lesbians with commitment issues and Kaylor seems like it was WILD.

Back to the lyrics, this time let’s look at Kaylor anthem Cornelia Street:

We were in the backseat

Drunk on something stronger than the drinks in the bar

"I rent a place on Cornelia Street"

I say casually in the car

We were a fresh page on the desk

Filling in the blanks as we go

As if the street lights pointed in an arrowhead

Leading us home

I find this whole song really interesting because it features one of Tay’s favorite ideas - glamorizing normal people things. It’s like the time with the “motel bar” in Getaway Car. Like she 100% was thrilled to be able to say “I’m renting this apartment” - never mind that it’s basically a whole ass house. I actually think the above verse is really beautiful. I know I give Kaylor a lot of shit but obviously there were beautiful moments and Tay had/has plenty of good memories.

And I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends

I'd never walk Cornelia Street again

That's the kind of heartbreak time could never mend

I'd never walk Cornelia Street again

And baby, I get mystified by how this city screams your name

And baby, I'm so terrified of if you ever walk away

I'd never walk Cornelia Street again

I mean frankly this verse above is super insecure in the standard Kaylor way. Tay’s saying she’s terrified of Karlie walking away and that she “hopes” she never loses her. The tone is sad, forlorn and a little desperate. I also think it’s interesting that she says she’d never walk Cornelia Street again, and that the city screams Karlie’s name and then on hoax she goes ahead and says she left a part of herself back in New York. It’s almost like her fears and anxieties did prove justified. Poor baby.

Windows flung right open, autumn air

Jacket 'round my shoulders is yours

We bless the rains on Cornelia Street

Memorize the creaks in the floor

Back when we were card sharks, playing games

I thought you were leading me on

I packed my bags, left Cornelia Street

Before you even knew I was gone

But then you called, showed your hand

I turned around before I hit the tunnel

Sat on the roof, you and I

Those first four lines seem to be about the good again, and I’m happy for them. I really do think they had good times. Those four lines make me think of parts of YAIL and the toast and weekends and stuff.

The rest of this verse though seems to be about the first split and subsequent reunion. “I thought you were leading me on” she says, and I “left Cornelia Street” presumably to go to London. But then Karlie called her back, “showed her hand” and Tay “turned around” before she reached the point of no return and they worked it out. “Sat on the roof, you and I” is similar in content to “up on the roof with a schoolgirl crush” but very different in tone. She’s not peppy here, she’s not positive. It’s a little bit tortured - and then it continues with “hoping it never ends”. The reappearance of the Tily imagery on Kaylor 2.0 songs makes sense to me, again, because discussing exes in the same social circle as you is just blatant lesbian culture. It makes complete sense that these two women are on Taylor’s mind. She has really really deep feelings for Karlie but she enjoyed the more simple and straightforward relationship she had with Lily.

DBATC is the Kaylor 1.0 breakup anthem:

Saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts

Flashbacks waking me up

I get drunk, but it's not enough

'Cause the morning comes and you're not my baby

I look through the windows of this love

Even though we boarded them up

Chandelier's still flickering here

'Cause I can't pretend it's okay when it's not

It's death by a thousand cuts

We have her getting drunk to forget, trying to say “I’m fine” when it’s not true, and just generally missing Karlie.

I dress to kill my time, I take the long way home

I mean, this is Cornelia Street (“never walk here again”) and Dress all over again. It’s the two ideas from before but now on the other side, because they’re actually broken up.

And what once was ours is no one's now

I see you everywhere, the only thing we share

Is this small town

You said it was a great love, one for the ages

But if the story's over, why am I still writing pages?

“I see you everywhere” is very “this city screams your name” and I think “small town” is a metaphor for their social circle. The last two lines are just Tay being hung up on Karlie. She was writing pages in Cornelia Street as well, so this whole idea of telling a story with Karlie is another recurrent image.

My heart, my hips, my body, my love

Tryna find a part of me that you didn't touch

Gave up on me like I was a bad drug

Now I'm searching for signs in a haunted club

Our songs, our films, united, we stand

Our country, guess it was a lawless land

Quiet my fears with the touch of your hand

Paper cut stings from our paper-thin plans

My time, my wine, my spirit, my trust

Tryna find a part of me you didn't take up

Gave you so much, but it wasn't enough

But I'll be alright, it's just a thousand cuts

I mean this is the usual obsession, desperation and general pining Tay has for Karlie. We also have Karlie touching her briefly, which is something she has spoken about before and is really into. Paper-thin plans is probably about the plans to make it work? We have that image reparations later in hoax so I think it’s most likely about Karlie bailing on Tay’s PR game and doing her own thing and/or Karlie’s (accidental?) involvement in the masters heist.

Also, this whole song is very sad but it’s not on the level of desperation I would expect if Tay wasn’t rebounding hard and if they didn’t reunite. She’s pretty sad about how the whole thing went down but she does say she’ll “be alright” which is the opposite of “that’s the kind of heartbreak time could never mend”. I think she wrote this after the first breakup and Cornelia Street came later, after they were back together. That’s when she really went all in into this relationship. It still wasn’t enough.

False God is about their reunion:

We were crazy to think

Crazy to think that this could work

Remember how I said I'd die for you?

We were stupid to jump

In the ocean separating us

Remember how I'd fly to you?

We know Tay ran away to Europe after the mess of 2016 and here she jumps into the ocean separating them and flies back to Karlie. The idea of it being “crazy” that it could work is also a recurrent fear/anxiety she has with regards to Karlie. “I had a bad feeling,” remember?

And I can't talk to you when you're like this

Staring out the window like I'm not your favorite town

I'm New York City, I still do it for you, babe

They all warned us about times like this

They say the road gets hard and you get lost

When you're led by blind faith, blind faith

They’re figuring things out, and Tay is New York - Karlie’s favorite city. “I still do it for you” is an admission of affection, which rarely happens in Kaylor songs, but it’s so sexual that I don’t find it shocking or out of character.

But we might just get away with it

Religion's in your lips

Even if it's a false god

We'd still worship

We might just get away with it

The altar is my hips

Even if it's a false god

We'd still worship this love

I mean sex songs are just peak Kaylor and this is all just so so so gay and I don’t understand how hets can make it make srnse. “We might just get away with it” is the usual Kaylor anxiety by the way.

I know heaven's a thing

I go there when you touch me, honey

Hell is when I fight with you

But we can patch it up good

Make confessions and we're begging for forgiveness

Got the wine for you

And you can't talk to me when I'm like this

Daring you to leave me just so I can try and scare you

You're the West Village

You still do it for me, babe

They all warned us about times like this

They say the road gets hard and you get lost

When you're led by blind faith, blind faith

Standard Kaylor imagery with sensual touching, wine and New York and a direct reference to Karlie’s apartment. I think “make confessions and we’re begging for forgiveness” appears to refer to the reunion.

Daylight is a very beautiful love song for Karlie. The “golden”, the bodies intertwining, New York, and the depth of her emotions all fit the Kaylor story and narrative. I think she wrote this when they were back together. It’s also, as is common with the Kaylor songs, squarely from Tay’s perspective. She wrote it alone, and I think specifically for Karlie when they reunited. Very pretty, very nice. I mean they ended up breaking up and that was bound to happen in like every other song but when they were good Tay did create some gems and they were very happy. I love this song and I do like aspects of Kaylor’s time together.

Now we get onto the songs that don’t neatly fit Kaylor.

Afterglow could be a Kaylor song. But it could also be about the breakup with her rebound. It’s not only by Tay, so we’re looking for broad themes rather than specifics necessarily.

Hey, it's all me, in my head

I'm the one who burned us down

But it's not what I meant

Sorry that I hurt you

I don't wanna do, I don't wanna do this to you (Ooh)

I don't wanna lose, I don't wanna lose this with you (Ooh)

I need to say, hey, it's all me, just don't go

Meet me in the afterglow

I don’t know that this sounds like the Kaylor breakup we heard about. It’s a different premise to False God, DBATC and Cornelia Street. In all of those songs it was a mutual breakup/misunderstanding. “I can’t talk to you” and then “you can’t talk to me” in False God is a two-way communication issue. DBATC goes off at Karlie for taking up every part of her and “giving up on me”. Cornelia Street said Tay thought Karlie was “leading her on” but that was resolved. Then Afterglow goes and lays all the blame on Tay.

I lived like an island, punished you with silence

Went off like sirens, just crying

Why'd I have to break what I love so much?

It's on your face, don't walk away, I need to say

Hey, it's all me, in my head

I'm the one who burned us down

I mean this really does sound like it’s Tay fucking up badly. Not wanting to let the other person in, taking it out on them, hurting her lover.

It's so excruciating to see you low

Just wanna lift you up and not let you go

This ultraviolet morning light below

Tells me this love is worth the fight, oh

This really doesn’t sound like the Kaylor fear and stress. It sounds like the cerebral and emotional connection from Rep. “It’s so excruciating to see you low” seems tied up with the heart to hearts and conversations she was having in those secondary songs on Rep.

Tell me that you're still mine

Tell me that we'll be just fine

Even when I lose my mind

I need to say

Tell me that it's not my fault

Tell me that I'm all you want

Even when I break your heart

I need to say

This just seems like a very different plan for fixing things than the one outlined in the Kaylor songs (which is “let’s bone”). Also “I break your heart” is an anxiety that seems to parallel the burgeoning love in Delicate, KOMH and CIWYW. It doesn’t seem like a Kaylor fear because Tay is always the one who wants Karlie more. I believe this is mostly a Tily breakup song.

Then we get the three happy songs on the album: Lover, I Think He Knows and Paper Rings. It’s actually pretty intense that there are only three peppy, romantic songs on an album largely touted by Gaylors and Hetlors alike as being about a happy long term relationship.

You want my controversial explanation for these songs? They’re fictional. All three are extremely vague and lacking in any of the Karlie/other person imagery. They’re like New Year’s Day and some of the early stuff.

I Think He Knows is a very hetro song. It physically pains me to say that, it really does, but nothing about it seems gay to me. I guess “boyish look” is something you could say about some women but that’s really a reach. Also it’s just very much not a relatable lesbian emotion. I’ve never met a queer woman being like “yeah I think she KNOWS, you know?” about her girlfriend. “She’s so obsessed with me and boy I understand” would make no sense. Us sapphics are compulsive overthinkers. And that’s what comes across on all her songs about Karlie and about Di and even those Tily songs from Rep. That’s largely why Tay’s stuff is so damn gay.

Tay’s permanently anxious - even on her love songs, there’s a thread of anxiety running through it all. This song is missing any of that anxiety. This song also has so, so many male pronouns…. And “I am an architect, I'm drawing up the plans” is an objectively weird thing to say about a relationship. It just doesn’t strike me as sapphic, and it definitely doesn’t strike me as being about Karlie lr Lily or Di. Also Nashville is 16th Avenue and I don’t know why any of the women would be associated with Nashville.

That Nashville reference makes me think that maybe the song is inspired by the music industry generally? If you go look at 16th Avenue by Lacy J. Dalton, there’s a clear narrative about the music industry. I think it’s possible that Tay’s song is referencing the love she feels for and from the music industry and her fans. That would tie into the architectural plans, being 17 (she often speaks about being stuck at that age because it’s when she got famous), and “he’s so obsessed with me” makes sense when you’re AOTD. Even the “attitude” line makes sense in this interpretation.

This bit:

Lyrical smile, indigo eyes, hand on my thigh

We can follow the sparks, I'll drive

Lyrical smile, indigo eyes, hand on my thigh

We can follow the sparks, I'll drive

"So where we gonna go?"

I whisper in the dark

"Where we gonna go?"

I think he knows

Is a little harder to make sense of and seems like it could maybe be about Lily or at least inspired by her - there’s the car/driving theme from the secondary Rep relationship and Lily does have indigo eyes (they’re way bluer than Joe’s). So maybe she used images and diaries from that period to add to the story about Nashville? But overall this smugness just doesn’t strike me as very gay and in general the song doesn’t seem to be about any one woman in her history. Also “better lock it down or I won’t stick around” is so very hetro and like… untortured.

Paper Rings is not about Karlie but I also don’t think it’s about Lily.

The moon is high

Like your friends were the night that we first met

Went home and tried to stalk you on the internet

Now I've read all of the books beside your bed

The wine is cold

Like the shoulder that I gave you in the street

Cat and mouse for a month or two or three

Now I wake up in the night and watch you breathe

This is not about Karlie. We’ve heard repeatedly that they fell in love at first sight so “month or two or three” is kinda wild? Like they full on U-Hauled it with the Big Sur trip and Tay moving to New York and Karlie basically moving into her apartment. They were never cat and mouse? Also Karlie was a supermodel by the time they met one another so “trying to stalk you on the internet” seems a bit of an odd way to phrase it. There would’ve been plenty to find. They both had big reputations. Moreover, they had multiple mutual friends so “your friends” is also an odd turn of phrase. How does this verse fit any aspect of the Kaylor love story?

In the winter, in the icy outdoor pool

When you jumped in first, I went in too

I'm with you even if it makes me blue

Which takes me back

To the color that we painted your brother's wall

Honey, without all the exes, fights, and flaws

We wouldn't be standing here so tall, so

This is also very not Kaylor lol except for the tall part. The chilled out hanging out and swimming and wall painting sounds more like the songs about Tily on Rep.

I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings

Uh huh, that's right

Darling, you're the one I want, and

I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this

Uh huh, that's right

Darling, you're the one I want

In paper rings in picture frames in dirty dreams

Oh, you're the one I want

This seems like it could be Tily because of the “we went from friends to this” (Kaylor were never friends, and had no intention of being friends, they’ve literally only ever dated). But I’m not sure Tay ever wanted to marry Lily? That’s not what comes across in the other Tily songs.

I want to drive away with you

I want your complications too

I want your dreary Mondays

Wrap your arms around me, baby boy

The driving and the chilledness is similar to the Tily songs but I’m still not sold. It really doesn’t feel particularly authentic.

Also, I know I mostly do lyric analysis but I’d like to include this quote from Tay about the song: “This song talks about true love, and if you really find true love, you probably don't really care what the symbolism of that love is. Material things wouldn't matter to you anymore if you found someone that you just wanted to live your life with.” The quote is distinctly hypothetical. “You probably don’t really care” “wouldn’t” “if you found”....

My gut says this is based around positive romantic relationships she has had but is extrapolated to a rosy conclusion. One day, Tay’s gonna want to marry someone with paper rings. But for now it’s a fictional hypothetical. None of the details fit any of her relationships. It’s made up. That’s why it includes the “baby boy” line... because it’s fiction.

And now for the really hot take… Lover is equally made up, although she was - again - inspired by her real relationships.

We could leave the Christmas lights up 'til January

This is our place, we make the rules

And there's a dazzling haze, a mysterious way about you, dear

Have I known you twenty seconds or twenty years?

This is continuing the themes from New Year’s Day which always strikes me as a “what if” rather than an actual ode to one of the muses. That final line seems like it could be about Karlie but the absolute calmness with which she sings makes it seem like it’s not about her. The mysterious way is also a brand new image and considering how much she sings about Karlie you would’ve thought we’d have had that image at least once before?

Can I go where you go?

Can we always be this close forever and ever?

And ah, take me out and take me home

You're my, my, my, my

Lover

I mean this doesn’t sound like Kaylor. Part of the anxiety there is always about going places together and being seen. It does have bits that seem like Tily to me; “take me out and take me home” kind of reminds me of the “meet me in the back” and “can we always be this close” seems similar to “is it chill that you’re in my head?”

We could let our friends crash in the living room

This is our place, we make the call

And I'm highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you

I've loved you three summers now, honey, but I want 'em all

The first three lines could be about either Karlie or Lily although I don’t know if Tily had “their place”. Kaylor definitely did.

That last line… is kinda why I think this is mostly fiction. I mean we know it doesn’t make sense for Toe. We know that. And I know about the gymnastics to fit it as a Kaylor song. But the thing is, even if she wrote it around the time that they went away to Wyoming, why wouldn’t she update it when recording it? It literally doesn’t fit the Toe timeline so it can’t be that she wanted it for that. She could’ve made it vague. But no she says “three summers”. Where else have we heard about “three summers”?

September saw a month of tears

And thankin' God that you weren't here

To see me like that

But in a box beneath my bed

Is a letter that you never read

From three summers back

It's hard not to find it all a little bitter sweet

That’s from Tim McGraw.

She just likes that image. It recurs. It’s not about Karlie, and it’s not about Lily, and it’s obviously not about Joe. It’s just a pretty turn of phrase. She loves counting in summers and Cruel Summers and the summer in Betty/august…. It’s not something she associates with one person.

Ladies and gentlemen, will you please stand?

With every guitar string scar on my hand

I take this magnetic force of a man to be my

Lover

My heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue

All's well that ends well to end up with you

Swear to be over-dramatic and true to my

Lover

This whole wedding bit doesn’t make sense for either Kaylor or Tily or Swiftgron. Like she’s constantly questioning Karlie’s commitment to her. And you want me to believe she’s singing vows? Lol no.

And you'll save all your dirtiest jokes for me

And at every table, I'll save you a seat

Lover

Very cute. Very non-specific. Not about any one partner.

So this supposed ode/serenade to Karlie doesn’t feature any of the images associated with her and doesn’t include any details that actively fit their relationship arc as described elsewhere except for jealousy and possibly love at first sight.

These three peppy love songs - which make up the minority of songs on the album - are about Taylor’s manifestations for the future. ITHK could be about the industry more generally. The other two are describing what she wants and what she pictures as ideal for a relationship.

So conclusions: a large chunk of the songs on Lover aren’t about romance. Many, many are about Karlie. Afterglow could be about Lily and some of the regrets Tay had about the split. Paper Rings, I Think He Knows and Lover aren’t about anyone in particular.

Last thought: I agree that It’s Nice To Have a Friend is about lesbians generally. But also possibly about Karlie, in which case the final verse is Karlie choosing the marriage with Josh and in that case the song is fucking devastating and heartbreaking. But tbh a lot about Kaylor is so it’s no surprise 🤷🏻‍♀️

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As usual, I’m up to discuss this. Do you agree? Disagree? Let’s talk! xx

#tily nation where you at #tily #taylorswift #lyric analysis #lover #taylor swift #gaylor swift #kaylor #lover analysis

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