#unfortunately my creative process is a lot of 'wait for it to come to me'

[mokeonn]

I love art and being creative so much but I really hate that low point in my story making process. Right now I'm trying to come up with the main plot for my story, my "defeat ganon" if you will, and it has been a huge nightmare. I am constantly coming up with the little details, smaller villains for arcs, and different cool concepts; without that "defeat ganon", I don't actually have anything to work with.

I basically have to wait until an idea pops in my head and I have a main plot idea down, then I have to refine everything to fit that idea, adjust the idea, and all that fun stuff.

But it's been a while since I came up with a story like this from scratch, so I completely forgot just how frustrating this period between coming up with concepts for the main plot is.

[queenie-official]

Chapter One: ‘To find a king’ Bridgerton Au!Anakin

a/n: some of this is going to be time accurate but i’m definitely taking creative liberties 😭 im not a historian so please don’t come for me if certain parts are unrealistic for the time (this goes for all future chapters as well btw)

you take a sharp breath in as the air is pulled from your lungs with the tightening of the corset. your lady-in-waiting finishes with one final tug on the laces that makes you huff in protest. “sorry your highness” She says in a brief whisper. “it’s quite alright Eleanora, you’re only doing your job” she nods in acknowledgment as she begins to put on your Pannier.

tuning back into the rather unpleasant conversation you where having with the man standing outside your bedroom door- Barclay your royal advisor had claimed the matter to urgent to wait for you to get ready before he spoke to you, Thus leading you to your current setup- “the people do not think you can rule without a king” he continues on with the same Argument you’ve been having with each other for days now.

“my father ruled by himself for years when my mother past” you counter while shuffling slightly so that Eleanora could put on your petticoats easier. “i’m aware your majesty but with all do respect, he was The king and you will be just a queen” as soon as the sentence leaves his mouth a bitter taste enters yours, glaring daggers through the door that you could only hope he’d sense. “i am not just a queen, i am The queen. its my birthright.” you state sternly as a final white decorative silk petticoat is placed on top of your other three petticoats. the process of getting dressed already aiding in your exhaustion that the conversation was providing you.

“i must remind you that you are not the queen yet. as of right now you are merely crown princess until your coronation day” he says matter of factly, god if your father hadn’t trusted him so much you’d have had him removed from the Castle effective immediately. unfortunately he was one of the only things aside from your own kingdom you had to remind you of him.

you had a feeling he knew this otherwise he’d be a lot less outspoken. regardless of all that you where still the soon to be queen and therefore had every right to put him in his place. “i’d choose your next words very carefully Barclay” it’s more bark than bite, the worst you’d do is send him off to his room for the day like a child who’d gotten in trouble for eating sweets before dinner but that didn’t make the threat any less real.

you hear Barclay take a deep breath, clearly trying to think of a different approach. “your majesty i of course see you as our queen, but the people not so much is what i mean. i think it pertinent to remind you the people must feel heard, and they want a king.” he tries and all you can do is scoff.

“utterly ridiculous, i am just as capable as any man” You reply curtly, moving your arms as Eleanora puts your dress on.

“it’s not necessarily that they think you ill fit, but you also must consider that a husband secures the throne..” your brows knit together in confusion at this admission. now standing impossibly still as engageantes where now being basted onto the elbow part of your sleeve, not wanting to get accidentally pricked from the needle. “secures the throne?” you ask unable to deduct what Barclay had been insinuating.

“with a husband comes the ability of an heir” a silence fills the air as he awaits your response. “oh” was all you could muster out as your mind now raced, how that had slipped your mind. You truly didn’t know but at the very least the need for a king made more sense in your mind now. Of course the people thought you fit to lead, but they also want to make sure you wouldn’t be the last.

“though that aside i think the people would trust you more with a man leading as well” Barclay said cutting off your string of thoughts immediately. you roll your eyes, wanting nothing more then to curse him out but you bite your tongue.

“he would not be leading- i would be leading and maybe i’d allow him to aid me” you say as Eleanora finishes, now just adding the final touches of jewelry and perfume. “your majesty-” he began clearly taken aback and slightly appalled by your statement. “Barclay” you cut him off, just wanting the conversation to end. “it is your most important role as queen to provide the people their future.” he chimes back, doing his best to redirect back to the main point of all of this.

you sigh, brows knitting together as you walk out of the bedroom now facing the Annoying man head on. “provide them a future by baring an heir- to place the weight of that on a child” you state slightly appalled at the thought. “you’ve handled it well” he points out, making your face sour.

“have I really..” you trail off, thinking back to your own childhood. you’d been blessed to have a father that tried to shelter you as long as he could. but of course there was a point where the truth was told and the weight of it all crashed down on you, at the time you weren’t sure if you would have rather known sooner. maybe it would of felt less world ending, then again you knew it wouldn’t have made it any easier to cope with. Having the entire kingdom of Alderaan watching your every move as you grew, a scary thought and even scarier reality you live.

“a husband then” you say forcefully pulling yourself from your own thoughts. Beginning to walk down the hallway with Barclay trailing after you. “correct” he says seemingly pleased with your sudden shift. though in your defense days of his constant blathering about finding a king had worn you down, at least you could say you put up a good fight. “easy enough i suppose” you say while mulling the idea over, keeping your head high as you walk towards the dinning hall.

“he must be of sufficient status” Barclay adds quickly making you pause and turn to face him.“how am i to find someone of sufficient status in such a short time between now and my coronation?” you ask in disbelief and frustration.

“well…” he starts clearly not having thought of that either. “whatever we do we’ll have to be discreet about it, if word gets out that you’re simply marrying a random Man just so he’ll fill a role- it would be a scandal. the people would question how much you truly care if you are to put a stranger on the throne beside you” he warns.

“well they wouldn’t have to worry about that at all if they just let me lead the way i wish. Without a King” you huff and yes you’re aware how childish you must be coming off, but come on marrying a man just to gain your people’s approval? it all seemed rather arbitrary. 

“your majesty.” Barclay says clearly annoyed, he looked like he was about to go on another tangent to explain why you must marry someone. the idea of having to listen to him go on and on again made a headache form and you quickly interjected before he could do so “yes i’m aware Barclay.. we’ll keep this a private matter for now, let’s not tell anyone including the royal council” you say reaffirming what he’d warned you about as you enter the dinning hall, honestly you weren’t even that hungry.

Between your conversation with Barclay and how tight your corset was you truly didn’t have much of an appetite at the moment. “it’s a matter of the people, for the people” he says surprising you. utterly confused you turn to him, giving your full attention. “i’m sorry didn’t you just warn me that if word got out it’d be a scandal?” you raise a brow at him, and he scoffs “i meant the people of Alderaan not the royal council” he states with crossed arms a unamused look on his face.

“my private life is non of their business” you say say with a glare, crossing your own arms mocking him. “your business is all of their business, you are the queen” he’s quick to point out and all you could do was laugh at the audacity. “i thought you said i was merely the crown princess? funny how quickly that view changes when needed” before he could fight back you hold your hand up silencing him. “we can discuss this more further later, currently i have more pressing matters to attend to. I mean it when i say we tell no one Barclay, not yet anyway.” you walk away before he can respond, off to do your duties for the day.

part 2

okay here’s chapter one🤭🤭 i hope you guys like it- i actually had a lot of fun writing this and researching certain things. this is going to be more of a reverse Queen Charlotte bridgerton story situation. 😗Anakin is going to be introduced in the next chapter, i’ve actually already got like two more chapters started so i’ll probably work on those tonight 😋 anyway i did go in with the intent to make this a one shot but quickly realized that was not gonna work if i didn’t want it to seem rushed 😭 so yea… anyways i think that’s all i had to say, have a good day huns Xx<3

[pleasanttaleswithkaityb]

🎉 Sims Build Challenge: Redesign Our First House!

Wow! Even with the poll not being up for 24 hours, there’s already so much interest! Y’all are awesome! 💖 (Maybe I’ll think about making requests more often—but more on that idea later! 😉) More details about the challenge are below the cut!

The Guidelines:

I don’t want to restrict anyone’s creative process too much! Just because something isn’t our style doesn’t mean it won’t inspire us! So consider these more like guidelines to spark your creativity!!! 🌟

If someone could upload just a shell of the house (no cc) to the gallery so others (like myself) who aren’t builders can play around and join, that would be awesome and sooooooo appreciated! 🏠✨

My husband and I aren’t flippers or DIY people for major construction on a house. This means we won’t be doing any major overhauls like taking out walls or adding walls. So that would be a restriction in this building challenge. 🚫🔧

Our house definitely has a lot of potential, so feel free to renovate things! If you want an extra challenge of decorating it as is and making an older home look adorable and loved, please do so! We won’t be able to renovate all at once, so I’d love to see what y’all come up with. 🛠️❤️

Feel free to use CC or no CC! Again, I don’t want to restrict your creative process! 🖌️🖥️ I'm personally a fan of no CC homes in my personal gameplay. However, for this particular challenge go ham!

Use whatever iteration of The Sims franchise you would like to participate! I personally will be using TS4, I don't want to exclude anyone who enjoys playing the older version of the games!

Use whatever Sims 4 expansions/packs/kits/etc you have! If you use something I don’t own, well… I guess I have a reason to buy it! 😉

Use the following tags so we can find your home on TS4 gallery and here on tumblr! #PleasantTalesSimBuild #PleasantTalesChallenge and #KaityBsHouseChallenge! Please tag me on any post you make sharing your design!!

Our Home!

Wonderfully spacious and updated 3 Bedroom, 2.5 Bathroom Home with a large backyard and deck. Large living area with an open concept floor plan. The square feet of the house is 2070! 🏡✨

The Exterior - Click me for more reference photos!!!

The First Floor - Click me for more reference photos!!!

The Second Floor - Click me for more reference photos!!!

Interior Inspiration💡:

We both really like nature and natural light. We love minimalism, boho feel, clean, bright spaces with neutral or warm colors, and cozy vibes. Unique or character touches and warm lighting are a big plus! 🪴🌞 There’s a little book nook in the home that I’m very excited about! 📚 My husband is most excited about the backyard and landscaping! 🌳🌸 We have 1 dog and 2 cats! So go ham in making sure they feel the love too! Nova the dog is most excited about the dog door the house comes with (located in the kitchen)! 🐶🐱🐱 If I didn’t include any details that y’all may need or if you have any questions, don’t hesitate to message me! Unfortunately, I don’t have a floor plan of the house; otherwise, I’d include it for y’all!

Happy building and I can’t wait to see what you come up with! 🎨🛠️

[utilitycaster]

Hello there! I wanted to pop in again to thank you for answering my ask before in regards to Midst. After your answer I thought to start the first episode and see how I felt about it... and I ended up swallowing 12 episodes in a roll because I couldn't stop.

It has such a fantastically unique way to tell a story, like you're in a bar with 3 slightly drunk friends that can't quite wait for the other to finish telling their line.

If possible I'd love to hear your thoughts on the style of storytelling Midst uses and the worldbuilding of the podcast.

I'm so glad you enjoyed it! I do think with podcasts my advice ultimately lands on "just try a few episodes, it's free and not much time and you can do so while commuting or cooking or something" so I'm glad that worked out.

I am never very good at coming up with general discussions of storytelling style on the fly; I need a prompt or something narrower. I also am someone who's always loved works where the narrator breaks the fourth wall, having been exposed to them quite young (The Princess Bride novel, the A Series of Unfortunate Events books, my previous mentions of Ellen Raskin novels) so that doesn't strike me as unusual. It's a great creative choice, and doing so in podcast format really brings it to life, but it's not something that jumps out to me as unique. Similarly, rotating POV is something I'm pretty used to with various fantasy novels (Lord of the Rings, A Song of Ice and Fire, The Stormlight Archives, The Old Kingdom Trilogy) as well as plenty of fiction podcasts (notably the Silt Verses for this one). I don't want to sell Midst short but essentially they took two very established and enjoyable storytelling tools, and combined them incredibly effectively and with fantastic chemistry and improv skills and a very strong sense of narrative that is always prioritized. I think that's the thing about Midst's story, too - while there are some great science fiction ideas it's a fairly straightforward story structure, just done extremely well.

The worldbuilding is also hard to really discuss without more guidance because I don't know how they came up with it! The design of the cosmos is particularly weird, and I think Unend is going to give us even more weirdness. I think the improv allowed them to set broad parameters and then build a world that fit the story and the actual starting information was detailed enough to allow consistency and open enough to allow flexibility, which is important. I think the best way to sum it up, however, is with Bocs. I think about "It's bocs" a lot because we are on the "um actually if you don't explain the entire process of flax farming to the economics of linen garments you're a bad worldbuilder" website and "it's bocs" is just a breath of fresh air. You build the world to serve a story. We do not need to know the exact intricacies of how this specific mechanical/electrical technology functions. It's bocs. I think how bocs are handled is the best summary of both the worldbuilding and storytelling: this is a story made by three people who understand what is important to the narrative, and understand how to present it in the medium in which they're working.

[petalruesimblr]

Download Link: Sim File Share | MTS Name: The Crocus Nectary Description: Founded with a passion for the sweet harmony of nectar, Crocus Nectary has been a beloved haven for locals and travelers alike. Our diverse range of nectars from budget-friendly sips to exquisite vintages ensures that we cater to all taste buds. Embrace the art of nectar-making with our unique service, allowing you to craft your own blend for a day for a memorable experience! Need to rest those creative juices? We offer cozy bed accommodations for a relaxing break during the process. Come, indulge in the essence of Crocus Nectary – where dreams ferment into delightful reality! Price: 84,804 Lot Size: 30x30 Version: 1.42 Store Content: None CC Used: None Packs Needed: The Sims 3, World Adventures File Type: Package

This was the first nectary lot I created for the Sunset Valley world when I bought the World Adventures expansion pack. Originally 25x30, I changed it to 30x30 to make it easier for others to place it in their preferred worlds. I removed all CCs and decided to keep it exclusive for WA objects only. No spawners but it does have WA grapes, so your Gardener Sims can harvest them without traveling to Champs Les Sims. Unfortunately, all of them are normal to nice quality only but when I have more time on my hands, I will definitely get back to this and update it to perfect quality.

I placed a L'amour des Fruits Nectar Maker for your Sims to try making their own nectars and added a bedroom, bathroom, computer and fridge in case they get tired or hungry waiting for the nectar process to complete. I only placed 18 nectar racks to prevent routing issues because, for some reason, this lot is busy in my world almost every day.

This lot has been play-tested and I've used it in all my saved games. Let me know if you experience any problems on your end. Click on the link below for more information about this lot.

Outside:

Plants: Cherimola Blan Grapes Renoit Grapes Avornalino Grapes Meloire Grapes Cranerlet Nuala Grapes Gralladina Fran GrapesGrapevine

Decent parking lot with bike racks

1st Floor (Nectary Store):

Buyable and Tasteable nectar racks:Flavor Savor Nectar Rack The Necteaux

Public Bathroom

Nectary Register

Tables and chairs on the patio

Private testing area

2nd Floor (Nectary Making Area):

Bedroom > Bed, Dresser, Mirror, Seating area

Bathroom > Bathtub, Toilet

Fun > Computer, Bookcase

Small Kitchen > Fridge, Dining table and chairs

Empty nectar racks

Nectary Buy Debug Objects:L'amour des Fruits Nectar Maker

[bryce-bucher]

.50 Caliber 3D Platformer Post #5

(Flashing Lights Warning near the bottom of the post)

UI UI UI UI UI:

I've been working on UI mostly the past couple of weeks. It has been, as usual, both very cool & fun but also hell and evil. To be more specific, I really like designing the visual aspect of UI, but implementing it is always so horribly tedious and boring that it is really hard for me to focus on doing it. Without fail, I always end up getting UI done very slowly because of this. I am really happy with what I've got so far though, and it has brought me one step closer to getting to the point where I can just start hashing out levels.

Making the Health UI:

The health UI was something I was extremely excited about implementing, so I eagerly decided to decide that it was time to make it. Let me step u through the process 4 fun.

For me, it always starts with sketching out something crudely in pen. I've had this sketch done for months now, so it was p cool to see it finally come to life in game.

Next I hopped into blender and began trying to make some kind of cool y2k-era greebled out shape, but making detailed machinery (or details in general) is not my strongsuit, so I ended up with this kinda neat smooth shape that I wasn't entirely happy with. It looked cool, but I really wanted to challenge myself to make something closer to the windows media player skins I was inspired by.

More Specifically, I referenced this Half-Life 2 windows media player skin heavily, and started with a ring that I could build little pieces and wires off of. I hope u can forgive me if I maybe made it too similar lol, but I tried to get creative and put my own spin on it. I think the shapes on the top left are the most similar to my reference, and those are not-so-coincidentally the first bits that I modeled. This is my first time modeling something in this style, and I suspect that I'll get better at it if & when I do it again.

Finally, I slapped some materials on, made a texture for one of the faces I had sketched out, and rendered out a few frames of it gently(ish) flashing. I then went into affinity photo and made little speedometer components to slot into the small circle in the top right and programmed some functionality to it. The plan is to have the face represent the player's current health, so I am going to need to make a few more and then animate it rotating into a different face. But yeah, I am super happy with it, and I think it is lookin p sick!

Other Stuff What I Made:

Other than the health UI, I also added in functionality and UI for completing a level and selecting a level.

I was very much inspired by killer7 for the sequence that plays when you shoot your target, and I am addicted to intense flashing lights, so I included a lot of that. There are already accessibility options to turn that off, so if it's something that could harm u or if you just hate it (coward????!!!11) you can disable them. I've always found intense effects like that very cathartic, so I'm probably gonna include similar visuals in a few different things I make. That being said, I do also always want to make the alternative visuals (when the accessibility options are enabled) to also be cool af and get the point across. The level select screen was also really fun to make, I basically just slapped together some textures of warn-out paper into a little files situation and placed that on top of an abstract background that I made in jwildfire.

Conclusion:

I have honestly really loved working on this so far, but there has been a lot of anxiety about money in my life lately, so I really do hope to get this out in a reasonable time. I feel like I say that a lot about this game, but it is because it's always on my mind unfortunately. I don't want to make it sound like I am making this game entirely for money or w/e though, it is definitely a labor of love. Anyways, I hope to get to a point where I can get some environment art done soon, and I cannot wait to show off whatever this game is gonna look like. Have a nice day every1!

[shinycupcakebaker]

Chapter 1: The first meeting

Pairing: Robert "Bob" Floyd x reader (nicknamed Siri) 

Summary: You find out Natasha is in San Diego and has a possible job opportunity for you. you surprise her with a visit and meet Bob.

CW: A couple of swears.

WC: 6.1K

~A year ago~ 

It was nearly midnight and here you were, sitting in your small one bedroom apartment, going over the menus for the upcoming week and events. You scrolled thru the recipes, making adjustments here and there, knowing that the pastry chef would probably just go thru it again and scrap all the hard work you put into it. You hung your head and rubbed your temples as you search for a new job had so far proven fruitless. 

Just as you were about to shut down your computer, your phone chimed with a new text message. Smiling as you saw the familiar name and quickly replied. 

  Bratty Nattie: You still awake? 

Y/N: Yeah, unfortunately. Going over menus. 

Bratty Nattie: calling… 

You rubbed your eyes as Natasha FaceTimed you and answering the call, propping your phone up against a water bottle. “Hi brat! How are you?”  

“I’m good. How are you?” Nat asked, noticing that looked frazzled. 

“I’m gonna pull my hair out. Marc-Antony is an ass. I used to love what I did, but he just makes me hate it now. There aren’t any jobs here.” Hearing loud shouts come from behind Nat. “Where are you Nattie?” 

“The Hard Deck, it’s a bar here in San Diego.” Nat looked back over her shoulder, into the bar.  

“Wait, what?! You’re in California!? When did you get there?” You rubbed your hand across your forehead. Picking up your phone and walked to your bathroom. Propping your phone up on the counter as you removed you contacts and put on your glasses. “Did I miss the family email? Did you even send one out?” 

“Got here about a month ago.” Shaking her head, Nat chuckled. “No, you didn’t miss the family email. I haven’t sent one out yet.” 

“Excuse me, Sissy!!” You yelled and picked up phone, heading into you bedroom. Flopping down on your bed, you laughed with Nat. “Shame!! Do Mom and Dad know?” 

“Well, of course they know. I’ve just been busy with training and shit.” Hearing a door open behind Nat and a bespectacled man walks out. “Hold on Y/N. Bob, you’re leaving?” 

“Yeah, I have something I have to do. I might be back. Sorry, for interrupting your call.” Hearing the muffled reply as Nat held her phone close to her chest. 

“It’s okay Bob. It’s just my sister. Have a good night.” Nat flipped her phone out, showing Bob that it was no big deal. You smiled and awkwardly waved at the man that appeared suddenly on the screen. He smiled shyly and gave a small wave before heading to his vehicle. 

“Nat… Nattie!!” You yelled, getting her attention back to the phone. “Who was that?” 

Waving her hand non-chalantly in the air. “My back seater, Bob. But the reason why I’m calling you is because I might know of a way for you to have your own bakery.” 

You sat up and stared at Nat, blinking rapidly, trying to process what she just said. “I’m sorry, what? My own bakery? How?” 

“Well, there is this bakery, right outside the base, it’s amazing. The owner is getting ready to retire, his father opened it when he was like in his 20’s and gave it to him when he retired. None of his kids want the bakery and he doesn’t want to sell it to some corporation that’s just gonna ruin everything he built. It’s been around for nearly a century. I told him that you’re a pastry chef and looking for a new and better job opportunity.” Nat rambled on about the bakery. “And he’s kinda wants to meet you.” 

“Oh my god.. Natasha!!” You stated at her wide eyed.  

“What!? You are always complaining about your job now. How you don’t get any creative say in anything. Now, you can. And you make such amazing cakes and cookies and everything. BTW, when are you gonna send me some?” 

Laughing, shaking your head. “Well, send me your address and I’ll box some up for you. And you’ve given me a lot to think about.” 

Nat shrugs and smiles. “I know. I’ve already sent you an email with all the owners information. Call him when you get the chance. And I just texted you my address. I want your salted caramel chocolate chip cookies.” 

“Yeah maybe.” You yawned and glanced at the time. “Shit, I gotta get to sleep. 5am comes quick.” 

Nat nods and smiles. “I know. Just think about it, okay.” 

“Okay sissy. I love you.” You laid back in your bed.  

“Love you too, Y/N.” Nat waved and blew you a kiss as a tall, dark haired mustachioed man flung an arm around her shoulders. “Good night.. Nope, Roos….” 

The call quickly ended and you laughed. Sinking back into your pillows, your cat Simba curling up next to you and thought about the proposition that Nat just presented to you.  

You tossed and turned all night, unable to sleep with all the thoughts coursing thru you head. You groaned when your alarm went off at 5am, smacking your phone to make it stop. Kicking the covers off you in protest, you slowly slide out of bed and stretches. You stumble into the bathroom, starting the shower and quickly brush your teeth. Before hopping in the shower, you put in your contacts and close the door, so Simba doesn’t bother you. You rush thru your morning routine, eager to get to work and talk to your boss. Slipping on your sneakers, you grab your work shoes, a muffin and your water bottle as you run out the door, locking it behind you. Slipping down the stairs and out into the morning rush as you head to the train station. The train arrives about 5 minutes later and you enter as you think about what you are going to tell your boss. You have about 2 weeks of accrued vacation time plus about a week of PTO. Right now, it’s not the busy season so you should be able to take a weekend off.  

You exit the train at your stop, walking a couple of blocks to your job and head inside. You flash your badge to security and head back to the kitchen. You flag down your boss, Miranda, letting her know that you needed to speak to her. You start on your daily tasks, getting everything set up and dove into your first order of the day.  

Around noon, you took your lunch break and headed down to Miranda’s office. Knocking on her doorframe, she waved you in as she spoke on the phone and you sit in the chair opposite her. She hangs up and greets you. 

“Hey Siri, what did you need to talk to me about?” Miranda sits back in her chair, smiling softly. 

“Well, I need to use some of my PTO. My sister is in California and I need to go out and see her.” You fidget with the buttons on your chef coat. 

Miranda sits up slightly, leaning her elbows on her desk. “She okay?” 

You sigh softly, nodding. “Yeah, she’s fine. Didn’t know she was out there. Apparently, she’s been there for about a month. But… ummm…” You pause, trying to figure out how to word everything properly and it just rushes out. “She told me about a really great job opportunity for me out there and I kinda want to check it out.” 

“Oh… Well, that’s new. When were you thinking about going?” Miranda sits back in her chair, hands folded. 

“As soon as possible. I don’t know if it’ll work out but come on. I love working for you. And Marc-Antony is an amazing pastry chef but I’m not getting anywhere under him. He’s always undermining my work. This is just something I want to check out.” You explain everything to her. “He has 4 interns and 3 other chefs under him right now, plus Beth and Cathie both are competent in their knowledge of the patisserie.” 

She sighs and nods, “I know Siri. You are an amazing pastry chef. I would hate to see you leave us but if this is really something you want to pursue, let me see if I can move around the schedule and you can have next week off.” She turns to her computer, clicking a few different tabs and starts to review everything. “You are off this Saturday and Sunday but let me see what I can do. I let you know by the end of your shift.” 

“Thank you so much Miranda. Even if it’s only a couple of days next week, that would be amazing.” You smile and stand up from the chair. 

She stands with you and grabs your hand. “You truly are an amazing pastry chef, no matter what anyone says. Your cakes are impeccable, and I would kill to have your ginger peach scone recipe.” 

You squeeze her hand, smiling brightly. “Thank you Miranda. That means a lot.” You head back to the break room, feeling lighter, to scarf down the half muffin you never finished on the train ride. Opening your locker, eating the muffin half and gulping down the rest of your water before clocking back in for work. 

You headed back to your station, feeling lighter, and set to work on coloring fondant and making royal icing for the next batch of cookies to be decorated. You were so engrossed in your work that you didn’t see or hear Miranda come up next to you.  

“Hey Siri, I just wanted to let you know…” You jump hearing her voice so close and turned to look at her. “Sorry about that.” 

Stepping slightly to the side and turns to her, chuckling softly. “It’s okay. Sometimes I’m so into my work I don’t hear anything around me.” 

She nods, understanding. “I get that. But I just wanted to let you know that I was able to shift some things around and get you time off until Thursday. We will need you back for Friday tho. We have that big wedding and it’s all hands on deck.” 

You beamed and quickly hugged her. “Thank you so much Miranda!! This is amazing.”  

  “You’re welcome Siri.” She smiled and laughed. “Start cleaning up your station, it’s nearly 5:30. I'll see you tomorrow.” 

You nod as you start to clean up. “See ya tomorrow.” Filling piping bags with royal icing, securing them and placing them in your bin. Setting your bin on the shelf behind your station, you clean and sanitize your table for the night. You put away your other work bins, leave a note for the bakers in the log and clock out.  

Catching the train home, you stop at the small grocery store a block from your apartment and pick up the ingredients to make scones and cookies. While in the grocery store, you sent a quick email to your financial advisor and looked up flights to San Diego. Checking out, you practically skipped home. It seemed like everything was going to be working in your favor.  

The next few days seemed to fly by. You managed to book a decent flight to San Diego leaving Sunday morning, arrange for Simba to be looked after by your sweet older neighbor in exchange for some muffins and scones and book a hotel for your stay. Your financial advisor had called you and you told her about the opportunity that had arisen. She advised you that she would make sure everything would be all set if this was something that was really going to happen.  

Saturday came and of course you woke up early. Instead of trying to fall back asleep, you set to work packing a carry on and baking some sweets for Natasha. You had texted back and forth a couple of times over the past few days but you didn’t tell her you were coming out. You wanted it to be a surprise. As you set the timer for the cookies, you called the bakery owner and set up a time to meet on Monday morning. He had received your resume and was impressed with what you had accomplished in your short culinary career. You thanked him and couldn’t wait to meet him. Hanging up with him as the timer went off and pulled the cookies out of the oven, placing the next batch on the rack. As the cookies cooled, you set to work on your ginger peach scones. You continued to bake all thru the morning and into the late afternoon before you noticed the time.  

“Shit.” You mumble to yourself as it was nearly 5pm. Glancing around at your crowded counters and kitchen table before grabbing some Tupperware containers from your hall pantry. Filling one with some muffins and scones for you neighbor, another on for the bakery owner to sample and 2 more for Natasha filled with cookies, muffins and scones. You placed all the containers, save for your neighbors, in a reusable grocery bag and set it by the door. You cleaned your kitchen and start to make dinner.  

Just as you set the pasta in the water, your phone was ringing with a FaceTime call from Natasha. Answering it quickly as you sat down in your oversized chair. “Hey there Nattie.” 

“Hi Sissy. How are you?” She smiled. 

“I’m good. How are you?” Noticing it’s all dark where she was. “Wait, where are you?” 

“Yeah, about that.” You notice her wincing slightly as she shifted. “The hospital. There..” 

You interrupted her, “Wait, I’m sorry… What the fuck!? The hospital!! Are you okay?! What happened Natasha?!” 

“Y/N, calm down. I’m fine. Just a couple of scrapes, bruises and bumps. They are keeping us overnight for observation, but a really am fine.” She explained. 

“Us? Who’s us?” You questioned, getting up from your chair as you walked into the kitchen to drain your pasta. Propping up your phone on the counter as you finished making your dinner.  

“Bob and I.” She sighed softly as a nurse came into the room, Natasha shaking her head and turned her attention back to you. “We were doing training for a mission and we had a bird strike. Bob and I had to eject. But I swear Y/N, I’m okay. Just a little sore. I just wanted to let you know since you didn’t answer your phone earlier. You’re my emergency contact after Mom and Dad.” 

“Shit!! I’m sorry Nattie. I’ve been baking all day. You know how zoned out I get.” Frowning as you scroll thru your phone and sees the missed call from an unfamiliar number.  

Natasha laughs and shakes her head. “Yeah, I know. The place could be burning down around you and you wouldn’t even notice until your door was busted down.”  

You hang your head and laugh, “Shut up brat. That was one time. And it wasn’t even that bad!”  

“Well, I just wanted to let you know that I was okay. Just in case you got a text from Mom and started freaking out.” She yawned. 

Your phone chimed with a text from Mom as she was talking. “And speak of the devil, there’s a text from Mom now. I’ll let you go, get some rest sissy. Love you.” 

“Love you too sis.” You hang up with Natasha and reply back to you Mom. 

Momma: Just wanted to let you know that Natasha is in the hospital but okay. 

Y/N: Thanks Momma. She told me, just hung up with her.  

Momma: That’s good. How are you doing sweetie? 

Y/N: I’m okay Momma. Been working like crazy but I have a couple of days off. Might have a new job opportunity.  

Momma: That’s wonderful Y/N/N. Tell me about it. 

Y/N: We’ll, Nattie told me about it. A bakery owner near her is retiring. And he doesn’t really want to close his bakery. Nor does he want to sell it to a big corporation. I’ve already called him and I’m meeting him on Monday. Don’t tell Nattie. She doesn’t know I’m meeting him or that I’ll be there in San Diego. I wanna surprise her.  

Momma: That sounds wonderful Y/N. I won’t say a word to Natasha.  

You stir the sauce in to the pasta and text back your Mom.  

Y/N: Thank you Momma. About to have some dinner. I’ll talk to you soon. Love you. ❤️ 

Momma: Okay Y/N. Love you too. ❤️ 

You add the grilled chicken and roasted broccoli to the sauced pasta and mix everything together. Scooping some into your bowl, you head to the couch and sat down. Simba was instantly at your side, begging for chicken as you started to eat and go over your checklist. You had everything packed except for a few toiletries. You wrote out instructions for Simba’s care as you finished up dinner. Cleaning the kitchen, you packed the leftovers into small containers, placing them in the fridge and started unplugging all the unnecessary appliances. Making your way to the bathroom, you double check everything and decide to call it an early night. Brushing your teeth, you set up everything you would need in the morning. 

You laid down on your bed, relaxing with Simba and set your alarm. You knew you had at least an hour or more of travel before you got to the airport, so you wanted to be well rested as you hated to travel tired. Doing that one too many times had taught you a valuable lesson when you ended up stranded at the airport for nearly half a day once. You flipped thru the TV channels before finding something to watch as you fell asleep, popped a few melatonin gummies and set the sleep timer on your TV.  

You woke up the next morning a couple of minutes before your alarm went off and snuggled with Simba before it did. Turning the alarm off, you climbed out of bed and popped in the bathroom room to get ready for the day ahead. Showering quickly, you grabbed the small toiletries bag and placed it in your carry on as you get ready. Double checking that you had everything packed, you zipped up your bag and placed it by your front door. You fed Simba and grabbed the instructions for him and the Tupperware container, heading across the hall.  Knocking on the door, you waited as your neighbor shuffled over and opened it.  

“Hi Miss Parker. I just wanted to give you the instructions for Simba and a little thank you gift for checking on him.” You smiled at her. 

“My dear, you didn’t need to do that.” She shook her head but graciously accepted the container. 

“I know how much you like my muffins and scones. It’s the least I can do since you won’t take my money.” You laughed and kissed her cheek. “You still have my spare key, right?” 

“Of course I do dear.” She held up the key with the small acrylic muffin keychain. “You have a safe trip.” 

“Thank you Miss Parker. I’ve already fed him this morning, so you won’t have to check in on him until tonight. I’ll be leaving in about a half hour.” 

“Okay dear. Thank you for the muffins.” You nod and head back into your apartment. Grabbing your laptop, all your chargers, and your phone, packing everything into your personal bag for the plane. Double checking  that you had everything, you grab your bags and head out the door. Making your way to the subway. You had to make a few transfers but you were soon on your way to the airport. Your flight wasn’t until about 11:30am but you wanted to get there early enough to find your gate and relax until you had to board.  

You arrived at the airport at about 9:30, giving you enough time to check in, get thru security and grab a quick bite to eat. Stopping at a Dunkin Donuts in the terminal, a large Salted Caramel cold brew and a bagel with cream cheese, and headed down to your gate to wait. You sat down in a somewhat quiet corner, sipping your coffee and pulled your phone from your bag. Confirming your shuttle from the San Diego airport to your hotel, you did a quick search on what else there was to do. You figured you see what the city had to offer if you were possibly going to be living there soon. Browsing thru different websites, you got the idea what you could do in your free time.    

The hour passed quickly and you were soon boarding your flight. You sent a quick text to your mom to let her know that you boarded the plane and on your way to surprise Natasha. She was excited for you, you hadn’t seen Nat in nearly 2 years, and she wished you luck with your meeting on Monday. You let her know that you would keep her informed of everything going on and quickly shut down your phone as the plane began to taxi. 

The flight was uneventful and you made it to San Diego a little ahead of schedule. Gathering your bags you head out of the plane and onto the concourse to find your shuttle to the hotel. Once at the hotel and after checking in and unpacking, you forced yourself to take a quick nap to try and stay ahead of the jet lag.  

You woke up as your alarm went off, sitting on the edge of the bed and checked the time. It was nearly 5:30, perfect time to go and find your sister. You arranged for an Uber to take you to The Hard Deck, quickly freshened up and grabbed your purse and bag before heading down to the lobby to wait. 10 minutes later, you were on your way to the bar. On the ride over to the bar, you were suddenly anxious. Wiping your hands on your jean shorts as you arrived, thanking the driver and exiting the car. You stood outside the bar, shaking out your hands as nerves overcame you again. Walking inside and up to the bar, the woman behind it smiled warmly and set a napkin in front of you.  

“What can I get you?” She greeted you as you sat down on a stool.  

“I.. umm.. Sorry. I’m okay right now. Just looking to see if someone is here yet.” You shook your head and smiled back at the woman. 

“Who are you looking for?” She leaned over against the bar. “I know most of the regulars.” 

“Umm… My sister, Natasha Trace.” Scrunches your brows together, realizing that she’ most likely known by her callsign. “Umm.. sorry, Phoenix. She’s a pilot with the Daggers.” 

“They aren’t here yet but will probably arriving soon.” The woman stood back up and narrowed her eyes at you. “You must be Y/N. She’s told me a little about you. I’m Penny, owner of The Hard Deck.” Holding out her hand to you. 

You shake Penny’s hand and let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding, smiling. “Yeah, that’s me. Maybe you can help me. She doesn’t know that I’m here. I didn’t tell her that I was coming out here. I mean, she knows that I will be here eventually to check out Caroline’s but not when.” You ramble on. 

Penny places a hand on yours and squeezes lightly. “Breathe Y/N.” You take a deep breath and shake your head. “How do you want me to help?” 

You shrugged slightly and bit your lip. “I’m not sure. I have something here for Nat. Some of my cookies and scones. She’s been wanting them.” 

Penny holds her hands out and you give her the containers. “Give me those, I have an idea. You go and wait over by the jukebox. Your back will be to the entrance. And here.” She slid a cup over to you. “Water. Relax.” 

“Thank you.” You take the water, sipping it slowly as you make your way over to the jukebox. You were browsing the song titles when you heard a ruckus at the entrance. Glancing over your shoulder, you see Natasha enter the bar with a group of loud men. You set the water down as you heard Penny call out.  

“Hey Phoenix. I got something here for you.” She shouted over the ruckus.  

You watched as Phoenix approached the bar and took the containers from Penny. She opened the top container that held your salted caramel chocolate chip cookies. “Penny, where did you get these?!” As a tall dark hair man reached for a cookie, Phoenix smacked his hand away and closed the container. Penny glanced over her shoulder towards where you stood by the jukebox. 

Phoenix looks around the bar and in the direction Penny looked, her eyes widening. “Y/N!?” She set the containers on the bar and ran over to you, hugging you tightly. 

You laugh and hug her back, mumbling. “Surprise sissy.” 

“What the fuck are you doing here?” She pulls back and smacks your arm. 

“I managed to get a few days off. I have a meeting with the owner of Caroline’s tomorrow morning.” You rub your arm and smile brightly. “I wanted to surprise you.” 

Phoenix hugs you again, sniffling slightly. “Well, shit!! You did surprise me!!” 

You pull away from Phoenix slightly and wipes the stray tear from her cheek. “Don’t get all weepy on me now Nattie.” 

She rolls her eyes and nudges you with her shoulder. “Come on.” She links your arm with hers and starts to walk over to the pool table. “Let me introduce you to the Dagger Squad. Fellas..” She cleared her throat. “I want to introduce you to my sister, Y/N. That’s Fanboy, Coyote, Bagman and Rooster. Where’s Bob?” 

The tall blonde she said the Bagman, grinned, handing his pool cue to Coyote and walked over to the two of you. “Jake or Hangman, actually.” He looked down at Phoenix. “He was finishing up some paperwork last I saw him. Didn’t know you had a sister Phoenix.” 

Phoenix rolled her eyes again and shook her head, leading you away from him when Fanboy spoke up. “Her picture is in her locker with all her others. Hi. I’m Fanboy or Mickey.” He gave a small wave and smiled. 

You smiled back and sat with Phoenix near the pool table. “So, how long are you here for? And how the hell did you manage this?” 

“Until Thursday. My boss was able switch a few things around and got me the days off.” You grinned. “I told her about my opportunity out here and she wished me luck.” 

Phoenix grabbed your hand and squeezed it. “You are gonna love Caroline’s. It’s so cute and they have the best lemon poppyseed scones. Do you want something to drink?” 

You shook your head. “I have water for now. So, tell me about your back seater? Better than your last one?” 

She laughed, shaking her head. “Bob is Bob. He is an amazing WSO. A bit shy, not cocky like Hangman there. Quiet, almost stealth like. You don’t even realize he’s there sometimes. Takes everything in, always observing. A great guy to talk to. He knows his shit. It’s like it all comes naturally to him up there. Is always on top of things.” She slides off the stool and heads towards the bar. “I‘ll be right back.” 

“So, you’re the one that bakes the cookies Phoenix can’t shut up about.” The tall dark-haired man named Rooster said as he sat down on the other side of you. 

“That would be me. Rooster, right?” He nodded. “Brought her some. Maybe if you’re nice, she’ll give you one or half of one.” 

Rooster brings his hand to his chest, “You wound me. I am always nice. It’s that one over there you gotta watch out for.” He motions towards Hangman with his beer bottle. 

“Y/N, this is Bob.” You turn in your seat and stand quickly, not realizing how close Phoenix and Bob were when you were suddenly all wet. 

“Shit…” The cup that Bob was handing was suddenly at your feet, its contents running down your shirt and legs. “I’m sorry… Let me.. I’ll get you some napkins or a towel.” 

He hurried off to the bar and you laughed softly. You sat back down as you heard Hangman, mumble something to Coyote. Raising an eyebrow to him as Bob returns with some napkins and a dry rag. “Hey, it’s okay. It was just water, right? I’ve had worse spilled on me.” You smile softly up at the bespectacled man, taking the rag from him. You wipe off your legs and scrunch your shirt into the rag, drying off. Bob sat down where Phoenix was once sitting and Phoenix shooed Rooster out of his seat beside you. 

“Again, this Bob.” Phoenix smiled, introducing you again. “Bob, my sister Y/N.” 

You sat back down, shifting towards Bob and smiled shyly as you tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear. “Hi Bob. How are you? Nat mentioned the other day that you both had to eject because of a bird strike.”  

Bob nodded, looking down at his hands before looking back up at you. “Yeah, we did. We’re okay tho. Just some bumps and bruises. Wasn’t too serious.” 

You scoff at him. “Serious enough to keep you both overnight.” You reach over and place a hand on his arm. “Don’t diminish the seriousness of anything that might happen.”  

Bob shook his head as pink slowly crept up his neck. “Never. I.. uhh.. I would never.” He adjusted his glasses, looking back at you. “It wasn’t the first time I’ve ejected and probably won’t be the last. But.. umm.. Phoenix tells me that you’re a pastry chef.” He quickly changes the subject. “That you make the best cookies and scones.” 

Glancing back at her, and nods. “Yeah, apparently, she’s been telling everyone. Maybe I’ll let you try one of my cookies.”  

Bob choked on his water as it was now your turn to blush. Heat crept over your cheeks, and you hung your head. “I’m sorry.. that came out very sexual..” Bob placed a hand over yours, sending a shiver up your arm and down your spine. 

He grinned and chuckles softly. “It’s okay. Don’t be sorry. I’d love to try one someday.” 

You and Bob continue to make small talk throughout the night. He told you about why he became a WSO. And you told him why you became a pastry chef. You both seemed to have similar interests. You were about to excuse yourself to get some fresh air as the bar was becoming a bit too loud when Hangman challenged you to a game of 9 ball. 

Phoenix spoke up when she heard the challenge. “You really don’t want to do that Hangman.” 

“You afraid I’m gonna beat your sister, Phoenix?” Hangman taunted as he racked the balls. 

“No. I’m afraid she’s gonna kick your ass and we’re gonna have to deal with your pouting for the rest of the week.” Phoenix laughed.  

You took the pool cue from Coyote and walked around the pool table. “Ladies first.” Hangman smirked. You break the balls, send the 2 and 4 balls into pockets and walk around the table to the 1 ball. You quickly sink the ball into the corner pocket. Following the cue ball, you line it up with the 3 and sinks that ball. Sinking the 5 and 6 balls in pockets and starting to line up for your next shot, when you glance over to Phoenix and motion for her to come over. Mumbling softly to her to finish the game for you. “I need to get some fresh air. Kick his ass.” 

You hand Phoenix your pool cue and step outside to the side deck. You lean against the railing, taking deep breaths of the cool salty air. Closing your eyes and hanging your head as you listen to the waves crash against the sand. You weren’t sure how long you stood there but you heard the hollering and felt a presence beside you. You glance up and see that Bob has joined you. He placed a hand on your shoulder, looking concerned. “You okay Y/N?” 

You shivered slightly as he said your name. The way it just rolled off his tongue made you feel like everything in the world was going to be alright. “Yeah, I’m fine. Sometimes I just gotta step away from the loudness of everything.” 

Bob nodded and leaned against the railing with you. “I get that. It can become suffocating and overwhelming.” 

You nod in agreement, shifted towards him. “Yeah. Sometimes I start to get a headache if it’s too loud. But I just needed some fresh air. It was feeling it a bit stuffy.” You pulled out your phone and noticed the time. “Shit. I should head back to my hotel. I didn’t realize the time.” 

You started to head back inside, Bob following behind you and you find Phoenix talking to Fanboy. “Nat, I’m gonna head back to my hotel.” 

Phoenix notices the time and nods. “Okay. How are you getting there? I can drive you back.” 

You shook your head. “No, you stay here with your squad Nats. I’ll just get an Uber.” 

Phoenix’s eyes widen. “Nope. No way. Not this late.” 

Bob quickly spoke up from behind you. “I can drive you back to your hotel.”  

You turned and looked up at him. “You don’t have to do that. I’m really fine with getting an Uber.” 

Phoenix shook her head. “Uber is out of the question. Not this late.” 

“Umm not winning this argument, am I?” You sigh and start to gather your things. 

“Nope, you aren’t.” Phoenix hugs you and mouths a ‘Thank you’ to Bob. 

You hug Phoenix back tightly. “I’ll text you when I get back to my hotel and I’ll let you know what happens after the meeting at Caroline’s. Love you Nats.” 

“Love you too, Y/N.” You make your rounds and bid everyone a good night, following Bob out into the parking lot. He led you to his truck, opening the door for you. You slid in and buckled as he closed the door.  

You didn’t notice as Phoenix and Fanboy watched from the window and gave each other a fist bump. 

“Which hotel are you staying at?” Bob asked as he started his truck. 

You told him the hotel and address and he headed off in the direction of the hotel. It was a short ride there and you hopped out of Bob’s truck as he parked. Turning off his truck, he slid out and walked beside you into the hotel. 

“Thank you, Bob, for the ride. You don’t need to walk me to my door.” You smiled as you waited for the elevator. 

“What kind of man would I be if I didn’t make sure a pretty woman made it to her door safely?” Bob mumbled shyly. 

You both entered the elevator, you pressed the button for the 4th floor and waited for the doors to close. “And Phoenix would probably kick your ass if you didn’t, right?” 

Bob let out a laugh and nodded. “Yeah, she probably would.” 

You exited the elevator to the right and walked a short way to your hotel door. “This is me. Thank you again Bob. You really didn’t have to go thru all this trouble.” 

“No trouble at all Y/N. I was going to be leaving soon anyways.” Bob smiled. “I.. umm.. could I text or call you sometime?” 

You grinned and held out your hand, nodding. “I’d like that. Let me see your phone.” 

Bob unlocked his phone and handed it to you. You added your number to his contacts and sent yourself a text. “Now we have each other's numbers.” You handed him his phone back, leaning up and kissed his cheek. “Good night, Bob.” 

Bob’s cheeks flushed pink, and he stuttered, clearing his throat. “Good night, Y/N. And good luck tomorrow.” 

You tapped your key card against your door, opening it and turned on the lights. You turned and smiled back at him. “Thank you, Bob.”  

Slowly closing the door behind you, making sure to lock it and flopping onto your bed. Bob stayed outside your door until he heard it lock and headed back towards the elevators. You sent Nat a quick text that you were at the hotel before plugging in your phone and getting ready for bed. You drifted off to sleep, thinking about the meeting in the morning and when you were gonna see Bob again. 

Taglist: (always open) @sweetwhispersofchaos

[albatris]

wait how'd you get over your 8 year "writer's block" if you don't mind me asking?

My "writers block" stemmed from several things!

The first was.... in school, I learned to be highly perfectionist and I stopped writing for fun and only thought abt writing for approval and good grades. It really really stressed me out and often left me paralysed with indecision and fear. This perfectionism carried over into my personal writing too. I needed to get back to my roots and remember how to enjoy writing, I needed to retrain my brain to get the happy chemicals from the act of writing something I'm passionate abt rather than from others' response to what I write. How I conquered this..... it was a slow process.... the most important thing for me was to write only when I felt like writing, and stop the moment I wasn't having fun anymore. Sometimes I wouldn't write for weeks. But this allowed me to slowly build up my strength and joy again, and eventually allowed me to relearn how to push myself, this time in a Healthy Manner. There was no shortcut

The second was just depression and other mental health issues. I'm simply just in a much better place now than I used to be. Depression and psychosis come with avolition and anhedonia, n none of that has disappeared, but it certainly has improved for me over the past few years; I also don't live with my parents anymore, I'm on HRT, I'm medicated, I'm becoming a person I like a lot more. Without so much heavy weight to carry I've been able to write more and get excited about writing again! Unfortunately there's no one size fits all answer to how to feel better in your mental health, so I can only tell you to be gentle with yourself and to know that the words will come back! I was in a place for so many years where I hated everything I wrote and thought I'd never find that joy again, but that joy is always waiting for you as long as you don't give up on it c:

A lot of people say the cure for writers block is to Just Write, but that always made things worse for me. Patience and not forcing myself helped me much more and were the only way I could start writing again in a healthy way! It took a long time but I'm a stronger writer now because I took the time and kinda overhauled my whole relationship with writing. Sometimes the most productive thing u can do is rest or invest in other creative hobbies for a while!

Idk if any of that made sense!

[ink-flavored]

Slow-Down Announcement

Hey everyone! Thank you so much for your patience during my break, my move, and through the holidays. It means a lot that you’d all be so generous as to keep paying me while you wait. In general, your continued support is incredibly important to me. And as much as I appreciate it, I will have to ask you for a bit more patience.

Ko-Fi was an experiment I started to see if it was practical for me. I was excited about the response my AUgust 2022 prompts had gotten, and I wanted to see how my audience would respond to access to more of my writing and more of my process. I was also curious to see if I could use Ko-Fi to grow my audience, or supplement my writing career. Building a brand online is difficult, but I couldn’t let an opportunity like this slip by me.

After about 15 months, I can say I’ve had a lot of fun on Ko-Fi. I love Magnet Mondays, I like sharing what happens behind-the-scenes, and giving you all sneak peaks of what’s to come. Like I said, I’m forever grateful you thought my art to be worth paying monthly for in the first place, it’s not something I ever dreamed people would do for me. Unfortunately, posting on Ko-Fi as regularly as I wanted has become impractical for my schedule and mental health.

Keeping up with the rate of posting I promised—weekly, biweekly, and monthly, over my various categories—isn’t sustainable in my current environment. If I had the opportunity to do nothing but write for 8-hours a day, 5-days a week, it would be easy! I would have plenty of time to share my writing with you, continue my personal projects, and maintain a healthy work-life balance. Sadly, my writing schedule is not so generous. My full-time office job cuts into my creative time a lot, and stacking the self-imposed obligations of my Ko-Fi schedule on top of that means that I’m “at work” a lot more than I otherwise would be.

Long story short, I’m getting fatigued trying to keep pace with Ko-Fi updates. I’m going to be slowing down my activity here, and prioritize what I can do without burning myself out. I have a flexible plan that I’ve been developing, so you know where you can find me outside of Ko-Fi if you’d still like to follow my work elsewhere.

Keep Reading below here or on Ko-Fi

First, Magnet Mondays are sticking around, but this time for free. Polls are easier than counting comments, so I’ll be hosting the weekly vote and the poems on my ink-flavored Tumblr account. I really don’t want to give up doing Magnet Mondays, since it was a lot of fun for me (and for you all too, I hope). The first poll will go up this Sunday (January 7th) and the first poem will go up the next Monday (January 15th), so I hope I’ll see you all on Tumblr! I’ll still post the final poems here on Ko-Fi for organization's sake.

Second, one of my goals for 2024 is to be more active on my new Neocities website. The freedom of having my own writing website where I can post whatever I want without the need to be overly professional like a portfolio, and no risk of getting my content reported like on social media, means that I can share a lot more of what I write. Please do check it out, and feel free to sign the guestbook while you’re there!

More generally, I want to migrate some of the Typewriter-tier behind-the-scenes posts to Tumblr and Neocities, so more people can see what goes on under the hood when I write. I don’t have imminent plans to share the exclusive content on Saturdays anywhere else—save for things like AUgust, which are already all free—but I won’t write it off.

Finally, as for the fate of this Ko-Fi account, I’ll be reworking the tiers a bit. Magnet Mondays will be free, so it can’t be a perk, and my plan is to post behind-the-scenes or exclusives sporadically, whenever I feel like I have something to share. I’ll keep the BTS to Wednesdays and the exclusives to Saturdays, but that will be the only consistency in scheduling. Nothing from the Manuscript tier needs to change, since I don’t plan on halting commissions.

Thank you all for being so understanding, and for being so generous this past year and a bit. I’m happy I even had the opportunity to try this out, and it would have been over before it started if I didn’t have people like you.

[hyunjinspark]

JADE 🗣️🗣️🗣️

the screaming anon is back (what I’m now calling myself) & I just have to say…

ch. 18? the angst? the heartbreak? THE PHOTO BOOTH PICTURES??? the argument beside the train? the fact that her professor was a fucking creep? all of it.

the wait for this chapter was so worth it. the way you pieced everything together was incredible. the way that still, with everything going on between them, your writing reminds us that Hyunjin & y/n are the only two people who truly see each other. nothing else matters when it comes to them & I find that so imperative to remember as a reader. & the way that you convey their hurt & how we’re able to physically feel that heaviness & hurt & frustration alongside of them??? but somehow still feeling light whenever a laugh or a smile between the two is mentioned??? wheeew bestie, I feel it all. not to mention how heavy & exhausting it felt to be reading Hyun’s POV. like I felt so bad for him & all he wanted to do was see but also protect y/n. 😭

I had a feeling that it was the professor who was going to make some kind of pass at her, & I was completely devastated to read this, and to feel her devastation & confusion & terror was heartbreaking & unfortunately familiar due to something similar happening to me. but!! I trust you & your writing & the life that you’ve created for Hyun & y/n so I have a feeling that all of this is just the catalyst to come back together somehow. that Hyun is going to show up & be the steadfast anchor that she needs in the middle of this storm. to ease her mind & kiss her doubts & fears away. my god. 😭

& I’m sorry to bring it up again, but the photo booth pictures!!! her copy is ruined & I feel so ridiculous for sobbing when I read that they were crushed in the process but they have to make a comeback, right? like hyun has another copy & we’ll get the full explanation of how he got them?? maybe???

I love this story down to my bones & I will never not be obsessed with it. my love for it grows with each chapter & ch. 18 is just another example as to why. thank you for sharing this with us. for trusting us with your words & your creativity. for providing a story that feels like a friend & a comfort & a cozy place to reside. I hope you’re happy & healthy & are looking forward to the new year. thank you for all that you do. ♡

welcome back !! 🗣️🗣️

ohh this is such a sweet review. they are the core of the story so despite the misunderstandings, ofc they still belong together 🙁 its a relief to hear that it still conveys their bond, amongst everything going on !

im sorry to hear about that ! the professor truly sucks but yes all of that is a catalyst for everything else to come, it was also not meant to be “random” suffering for the sake of angst and i hope it doesnt come off as that 😭 it is an important plot point to the arc of the story and how everything will fall into place.

hyun definitely needs to be that anchor :( im glad you are fixated on the photobooth pictures,,, hopefully there is the other copy…

thank you for this message 🥺 i reread it a lot, and it made me feel happy.

[mysterious-moonstruck-musings]

Hej,

please…please tag me in the list I nearly overlook you next chapter 23!

I praised you work before and i really freak out about it, because it’s so dam good.

I have a little request!

If you have the time 🙏 Tell me a little bit about the inspiration for the story? You create such an deep and real universe and brings the characters to life.

Both Dieter and Talia… I can’t get over it….think about the backstory/you description about Dieters behavior about relationships and it’s haunt’s me.

How did you start with the story in the first place? Is there some personal experience you weave into the story? And it’s this your first posting a story like this or did you write other story before?

Sorry, I have so much more question’s to you, but these haunting me the most!

And I know the story between these two lovebirds isn’t over…but i personally hope to read much more from you in the future ☺️

Praises, praise, praise… for you talents!

And thanks for tell about the good and bad parts of life! Where there is darkness, there is also light 😍 ah i love Happy Ends!

I move over to chapter 23 now…can’t wait to read his finally!

Best wishes and thank you!!

Thanks for the ask and kind words! 😭💜

More after the cut because it got kind of long…

This is indeed the first fic I have written on Tumblr. I used to write a lot when I was younger. I wrote a lot of poetry. I even did a horror trilogy once in high school for creative writing, which several of my teachers loved and others thought I was off my rocker…but I digress. 🤣

Once I started college and got my big girl job in higher education, I pretty much stopped writing for fun. I just didn’t have the time or the mental energy to do it. I finally gave up on higher education work after 16 years for a job that has a better work/life balance and I’m finally getting back into writing again. It’s been hard to get my mind reprogrammed from writing data driven reports and evidence based research, to this. It’s two very different things that uses very different language and I feel sooo out of practice. I am, however, slowly finding my way back.

I have mentioned little tidbits about my personal experiences in the Today’s Musings Extras for this fic. I’ve not gone into too many details because I don’t want to inadvertently spoil anything. I am indeed drawing heavily from life experiences for this fic unfortunately.

Everything I have witnessed, I wasn’t always directly involved in. Some of it was just the nature of my job. I did spend three years working in student conduct and behavioral intervention. A lot of the conduct issues really came down to students who were having personal troubles and really just needed help. A lot of it was mental health struggles or problems at home related to mental health struggles of family members. I worked closely with our counseling center during this time. I gained some amazing friends and learned a lot in the process.

With that said, A LOT of this is coming from things I have dealt with directly. There is a lot of me in Talia…the high functioning anxiety, the self doubt, the compartmentalization and rationalization. I work in IT and I’m a big crafting nerd too. So all those parts of her, do come from me. The other parts like the PTSD, history of emotional and psychological abuse, and drinking come from people I’m close to and have witnessed the affects of firsthand.

Dieter is one of my favorite Pedro boys and I felt like he was a great vehicle for exploring these topics. This version of Dieter is inspired by people in my life as well. The experiences he is having are very much pulling from multiple real life situations. They were and still are hard to deal with some days. I feel like it’s important that readers get to see all sides of these types of situations. Especially the side of those who are affected by the mental health struggles of those closest to them. That is something that is often overlooked and those people suffer in silence, just as much as the individuals who are experiencing the mental health crises themselves. That’s all I’ll say for now to avoid spoiling anything. Check back with me after we find out what is going on with Dieter and I might share more about what inspired his journey.

As far a the actual storyline goes, it’s all made up based around the traits I have created for these two and Dieter’s character in The Bubble.

Thank you for the ask and no worries about all the questions! I love that you want to know more about the story!

And lastly, I tried adding you to the tag list, but it won’t let me tag you. Do you possibly have your visibility settings turned off? I’m not sure what else would cause that. ☹️

[dapperinsanity]

Last Saturday, I had the wonderful opportunity to see The Nightmare Before Christmas Live in Concert for the movies 30th Anniversary!

It featured Danny Elfman himself and it was amazing to see him perform on stage. He is an inspiration to me and is the reason why I wanted to learn piano. Ken Page was also there and it was amazing to see him as well. The conductor and the orchestra brought the movie to life on stage. It was so cool to witness them playing the entire film’s score. Unfortunately, I was only able to get tickets for Saturday and Catherine O’Hara was not performing that day. But! The woman who filled in for Sally’s role was very talented and she deserved the spotlight. I have some photos below!

Now onto a gush about “The Nightnare Before Christmas” below.

It was surreal to experience this as Nightmare has been my special interest for my entire life. It sounds cheesy but this movie means a lot to me. As a kid, the movie expressed feelings and emotions that I could not put into words. I went most of my life being undiagnosed and neurodivergent. I was the lonely outcasted weird kid who tried his best to fit in and learn how to act like my neurotypical peers. I was a walking character trope. The Nightmare Before Christmas has gotten me through tough and lonely times growing up and ironically enough, I went through a similar identity crisis that the movie touches on. The loneliness and depression Jack experiences in the movie just struck a chord with me. The story, the character, and the music helped me to process many things as a child. It’s a comfort and is also a place I can escape to in my daydreams.

This movie and Burton’s work also played a part in my artwork. The unique style had opened up new and creative pathways for me and helped me to embrace my own weirdness. Although, I don’t give him much credit when it comes to Nightmare, I admit his art style has played a part in my art. I give full credit to the people who worked on the movie as Henry Selick and his team as they deserve it.

Henry Selick is another artist that also inspired me as stopmotion in general, is a part of my special interest. When I was introduced to Rankin Bass movies, that’s where my fascination began. What really honed in my love for stopmotion was The Nightmare Before Christmas. The amount of work that was put in this movie was phenomenal. They were passionate about their work despite the long process and hard work. Since discovering Selick’s work, I’ve been a long time fan. Of course, I’d love to work on my own stopmotion project but that will need to wait for now until I find a stable career lol.

Overall this movie has always been meaningful and important to me in many different ways. Again, it’s cheesy but true. I’m glad to have celebrated its anniversary along with Halloween itself this year.

[msmargaretmurry]

17, 34, 37

17. What do you do when writing becomes difficult? (maybe a lack of inspiration or writers block)

first of all i complain a lot. so much whining. unfortunately i have reached a point in my writing career where i understand objectively that a lot of the time the solution to lack of inspiration or writer's block is just to give my brain a break, don't try to force it, and it'll come eventually, but i find this waiting process very annoying. probably the most actually helpful thing for me is talking through the thing with someone — whether that is babbling about half-formed ideas in search of inspiration or walking them through the writer's block issue to get a new perspective. love to stomp through the woods on the phone with a friend griping about how my protagonist isn't cooperating or to grab happy hour drinks and bounce ideas off each other.

34. Five years from now, where do you see yourself as a writer?

hopefully better than i am now!! i would like to make a more serious effort of a) writing original stuff — not even in a trying to publish way, just in a stretching my brain way — and b) challenging myself with genres/themes/concepts that are more challenging and creative than things i've tried in the past. so hopefully i will be doing some of that. i think fanfiction will always be my bread and butter, though, so hopefully i am also still writing my silly little stories about my silly little dudes (gn) having big feelings and kissing on the mouth.

37. How do you choose where to end a chapter?

answered this one here! ❤

[femmefatalevibe]

Hi :)

I have a bit of an internal dilemma surrounding sex.

I'm in my mid 20's & had sex for the first time with a man who made me feel safe and cared for it was just such a special connection, unfortunately, we live on different continents but planned to meet again to go exploring in a different country together because we really wanted to see each other again, and that was fun and exciting. It's been like a condensed gentle and passionate relationship but it's not practical for us to be together.

A part of me feels "spoilt" & that makes me want to regret having slept with someone who I couldn't really be with long-term but that's only because I'm struggling after putting my virginity on such a high pedestal for so long. It made me realise maybe I tied my value to that which is what a lot of young women do & I wish I knew where to turn to help myself be okay with this because I feel like sex is a very polarised topic amongst women. I'm not into casual hook-ups & don't believe I will be but I don't want to purity culture & waiting to marriage to dictate my life especially now since I'm "tainted".

Where is the balance between the two? I feel too ashamed to even mention this to my therapist because I have an irrational fear of been judged or seen a particular way.

I've always been comfortable with my body so it's not that but I guess. figuring out how to process my sexuality going forward. I was raised in a moderately religious (Catholic) family but I'd say I've been more spiritual than religious since I was 13 because I didn't agree with everything, and I've always supported women doing what they want with their bodies but I'm confused about it when it comes to me. I'd describe myself as more of the gamine, girly, free-spirit, and highly sensitive if that helps with your advice for me or any other women like me or in this situation.

I appreciate your thoughtful responses & the content you share. Please feel free to reply whenever you get the time & inspiration to do so.

Sending love.

Hi love! I'm so glad to hear that you had a positive first sexual experience even if you live in different parts of the world and cannot be with each other long term (these situations are so frustrating – completely empathize with your frustration and sadness over this matter).

Good for you to want to move past this black-and-white thinking around sex and your sexuality. Purity culture is so toxic. Unlearning the shame that comes with a religious upbringing can be difficult. Please remember, though, that no one is "tainted" from engaging in such a natural act with someone they have chemistry with. The only "damage" that can happen from consensual sex is STDs or unwanted pregnancy if you don't use protection.

From what I've seen, religious indoctrination tends to promote an otherness around sex – it is a purpose-driven act (uphold a marriage, create children), rather than an innate desire that matures just like the rest of your being (body, mind, spirit). Once you consider that your sexuality is simply a part of your human existence – like your desire for certain foods, emotions, interpersonal connections, sensory experiences, and creativity – it is easier to perceive sex as a morally-neutral act.

Because one's sexuality is so personal, you need to learn, explore, and accept your preferences at any given stage in your life. If you find the idea of casual sex or purely physically-driven sex to be unappealing, that is completely fine. Some people prefer to have sex with someone only after they've established an emotional connection or were friends with the person beforehand. It's like someone preferring smooth or chunky peanut butter. You might not understand why someone likes the other option, and you might change your mind over time, but neither option is inherently "good" nor "bad." Either option should align with your personal preference to ensure you're getting the most pleasure and satisfaction out of the experience.

I know it might feel uncomfortable at first, but, if you have a good therapist, it could be very helpful for you to speak about your reservations and underlying shame around sex in a safe space as you get to learn and explore this side of yourself. If you feel more comfortable chatting in private about this, I'm sharing my one-on-one chat session link here: https://calendly.com/femmefatalevibe/30min?month=2023-04.

Hope this helps xx

[causticsunshine]

Omg I want to read that new fic so bad, I loove your writing but I think I unfortunately have some trust issues when it comes to you finishing your wips😭 Which I really don’t blame you for but I don’t know if I can do this again, please give me some reassurance that you plan to finish it?

hello anon!

i know i have a lot of wips to get back to as well—forever my curse—so i totally get wanting to wait until something is finished to be invested or being generally apprehensive to start a WIP, but i want to put this out there again because i’ve been seeing a lot of these kinds of comments lately, not just regarding my work but some other peoples’ as well. i hope it doesn’t come across as pointed or passive aggressive, but:

it’s not really up to the readers or audience to dictate when something should be updated/posted/etc., simply because they want it to be. and consistently asking or hinting about wanting an update or even saying you might not read something just because it’s a wip isn’t very motivating for the author, even if it’s done with the intention of portraying hopefulness or encouragement.

not to be repetitive on my end or list out excuses, but in regards to why i have so many wips, i’m just a busy person and i have a lot on my plate. as i assume a lot of other people with wips are—at least partially.

as i’ve shared previously, i work a full time job, i do art and other creative things, i have a decently active social life, i also have issues with my mental and physical health that take time away from things i’d rather be doing / make things generally harder for me to do a lot of the time. i just have a lot on my plate 99% of the time besides the fact that most of my writing is done for fic fests, and because my pieces tend to fall on the actual book length end of things, i often fall behind when i don’t mean or want to.

it doesn’t help that i was also overly ambitious last year signing up for fests and didn’t consider how much time i’d actually need to write anything—plus, sometimes you just get stuck on stuff even when you know exactly how you’d like it to go, and that can affect your writing process just as much as not having the time, having other things that need tending to, what have you.

and ultimately, writing is still just a hobby of mine! despite my dedication, i don’t want to turn it into a chore just so i can force myself to constantly put stuff out. and i can’t write when i don’t have the motivation or want to; what i put out when i force myself is absolute garbage and takes more time to fix and rewrite than just waiting to write until i’m in the right headspace.

in terms of my 1d fics, i still intend to finish all of them. just as i’ve said before, i just can’t give clear timelines as to when for xyz numerous reasons, many of which i’ve already touched on.

and my dear anon, i 100% understand why people may not like to read wips out of fear they won’t be finished, or may wait until something is done to read it for that reason—i’ve done it too! guilty as charged!—but consistently or at least on more than one occasion asking for assurances that something is going to be finished, especially when an author has made such assurances that something will be updated/finished (which i very much try to do!) but has something going on which is preventing a timely update from happening, very likely isn’t going to help with that update coming sooner.

for the record, i do very much appreciate your passion and desire to keep reading my work! with this current fic, i’m spending my time after work, as well as on my days off where i actually don’t have anything going on, continuing to write and edit. i’ll also be finishing it before going back and working down my wip list just because i’ve been so proactive and motivated with working on it. if you’d still like to read but would like to wait, or whatever you may choose to do, go ahead! but i am actively and continually working to finish it before i go back to finish other pieces!

apologies for dumping this all in my reply to you—especially as i’m assuming you’ve already inquired about my wips before. this is just really the last time i plan to touch on this topic, and concerning any potential messages i get on this topic from anyone in the future, i don’t think i will be answering them.

tldr: anyway, anon, i once again do thank you for reading my work and liking it so much you feel compelled to check in on updates! all i can do though is assure you that despite the gaps in time you see between updates, my intention is always to finish my works (at least for this community). if that ever changes, i will make an announcement, but i don’t count on that happening anytime soon.

best wishes and thank you again—i hope when this fic is finished you will enjoy reading! 🩷

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Currently working on a first draft of a story and it’s not what I wanted. I write dialogue and internal thoughts so easily but description and gestures are difficult for me and it’s leaving me with a very heavy dialogue first draft.

With writers I know, I’ve seen their first drafts and how(sometimes not all the time) it flows and isn’t a bare bone draft of dialogue. I do want to say that I do have description and gestures in my draft, it’s just not balanced with the dialogue and is something I’m going to need to revise a lot when the time comes.

I know that no one ever has to see my first draft. But I feel like I’m comparison to what I’ve seen, my writing is trash.

I love the quote by shanon Hale: In first drafts I’m just shoveling sand to layer build sandcastles. It helps me to keep going. But is there ever, objectively speaking, a way to note that maybe you aren’t a writer?

Or maybe I just need more practice— I know I need more practice. But when working on a first draft you’re constantly told to just get it done. If that’s the case how will I get to practice to improve my first draft? Am I just supposed to wait until the revision stage?

I’m a very technical person and have to follow a process to do things (unfortunately 😓). So learning various methods to drafting is beneficial to me. Do you have any tips? Are your drafts short skeleton drafts too? How have you practiced getting better at the skill of writing while drafting?

Hi anon! Thanks for reaching out! :)

But is there ever, objectively speaking, a way to note that maybe you aren’t a writer?

No. You're a writer if you write and want to call yourself a writer. Sure there are ways to clock if you're a newer writer or a writer who lacks confidence or a writer who really likes adjectives or a writer who XYZ (and these aren't black and white either)... But creative writing is not an objective medium.

With writers I know, I’ve seen their first drafts and how... it flows and isn’t a bare bone draft of dialogue.

The important thing you've said here is "with writers I know"--those writers aren't you. So it's totally fine if your drafts look different! :)

I know I need more practice. But when working on a first draft you’re constantly told to just get it done. If that’s the case how will I get to practice to improve my first draft? Am I just supposed to wait until the revision stage?

This is where I want to send you some very gentle tough love because I think you're being hard on yourself--which is totally fair, I've been there too! First, I made THIS video that's basically an extended pep talk for people who feel they aren't doing something "right" in writing. I hope that helps!

Second, there's no way for me to prescribe how to practice writing for you. The advice to "just get it done" is just that--advice. You don't have to listen to that advice, and just because it's advice, doesn't mean it's correct (there's really no "correct" in creative writing). You can take longer with your drafts. You can start them over. You can change directions halfway, or never finish them at all. Practicing is doing the thing, and if you're writing, you're doing the thing. So to answer "how will I get to practice to improve my first draft"--by writing, you naturally get better as you go. Yes, you can improve the draft in the revision stage, but that will primarily develop your editing skills (that then develop your drafting skills secondarily).

Online writing advice is kind of silly (and that's my whole thing lol, this is even writing advice!) because it makes it seem like writing is a black and white thing. Do THIS to achieve THIS result. The truth is, that's not how writing works. I could teach you every technique I have about drafting and it still might not work for you because writing isn't a formula (anybody who says it is............... run lol). I think a lot of new writers then rightfully think "okay, well if all this advice is here, I should do it, and then it SHOULD work, and if it doesn't, something's wrong with me/my process/my work." But that's just not true at all.

Writing is a skill we learn primarily on our own (not talking about collaborative writing here, but even then, I'm sure there's a level of independence). I don't want to make assumptions, but I've felt similarly to you, and when I did feel that way, it was because I was afraid of something. Usually, looking foolish and unimpressive. I wonder if that might be going on (maybe not the same fears, but fears nonetheless)?

I’m a very technical person and have to follow a process to do things

Re: the above. I'm also a technical person--same! I love processes, especially clear processes. But writing doesn't have a clear process because it's an abstract art. No one person can do it the exact same way (as you might be able to do in other processes). This is where you have to find YOUR process, and the only way to do that is to again, "do the thing." I know that's hard and scary and frustrating, but what I say here wouldn't help you with that, since this is something super personal that only you can do in practice!

Are your drafts short skeleton drafts too?

My drafts aren't short skeletons, but that's *my* process. It's totally fine if your process is different--that's a good thing!

How have you practiced getting better at the skill of writing while drafting?

Drafting intrinsically made me a better writer, so that's how I developed. For a while, it might seem like everything sucks. I also had the most fun of my life as a beginner--so there's certainly lots of good! But you can't jump to the final product just yet if you're just starting out!

I also don't think it's fair to yourself to compare too much! I've been writing consistently since May of 2014 (that's NINE years!). It makes sense that my writing looks different to how it looked eight years ago or even two years ago or even last week. Totally fine for your writing to look different too.