#uncle madara au

[lossie92]

A much requested snippet from the next chapter of A Million Cranes. I should be able to post the whole thing soon~

Also I was supposed to post this yesterday, but forgot. Oops?

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Warnings: none

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The words “We need to talk” took him by surprise, though he should have seen them coming. Loathe as he was to let fear rule him now, to allow it to ruin this little bit of unexpected happiness, it was inevitable.

Good things never lasted long, did they?

"Talk," he repeated after Tobirama, trying to keep his tone even, which wasn't an easy feat. "Talk about what?"

“I know you,” Tobirama all but blurted out, his face heating up in a fierce blush, the reason for it likely embarrassment. Then he swallowed before looking up, a strange sort of determination in the set of his jaw as he continued, “What I mean is, I know it’s you. I know you were the one to... to leave the flowers. To bring me the gifts. I know.”

These words felt like someone had poured a bucket full of ice water over Madara’s head. The sense of dread was imminent, so intense it made Madara's head spin.

Of course that's what Tobirama would want to discuss. What else could it be? And it wasn’t as if Madara intended to keep his actions a secret if Tobirama was interested in whatever it was he wanted from him. He wasn’t that kind of man. Still, he would have preferred it to be brought up in a different way and on his own terms.

It was too late for that now, he supposed.

Tobirama knew the truth. Somehow. And he didn’t seem disgusted or disturbed by it or unhappy in any way.

He had kissed him.

He was still standing close, holding onto Madara’s kendogi.

That had to count for something, didn’t it?

“How did you—?” Madara finally asked.

“I–” Tobirama started to say, but he cut himself off abruptly, his entire body going tense before he quickly stepped away.

Brows furrowed in confusion, Madara was just about to ask what was going on, one of his hands extended in half aborted motion to catch the omega and keep him close, when the door behind him opened suddenly and he heard a familiar voice full of excitement call out, “Mada-oji!”

Why he hadn't noticed Kagami’s chakra signature before wasn’t much of a mystery, considering how distracted he had been. It was still rather embarrassing though. Some sensor he was…

“Kagami,” he greeted without turning to see the child. “What are you doing here, chick?”

“Kaa-chan and I made dinner! And dessert!” Kagami answered. “We wanted to make sure you had company!”

His niece was nothing but thoughtful. However, just this once, Madara wished vehemently this wasn’t the case.

He closed his eyes and took a deep, fortifying breath. "Could you please go inside? I'll be–"

"It's alright. I'll just… I should go," Tobirama said as he stepped away from Madara. His entire face was red and to say he looked uncomfortable would be an understatement. "We can… we can talk later, Madara-san. Another time perhaps."

"No, that's not necess–"

"Sensei?" Kagami asked, coming to stand by Madara's side. "What're you doing here?"

If the situation was any different Madara was sure he would have found the child's bluntness amusing. However, he didn't feel like laughing now.

"I, er… I walked your uncle home. From the hospital," Tobirama answered with a smile that looked more like a grimace. "I gather you'll be able to take care of him from now on, yes?"

"Sure!" Kagami slipped his hand into Madara's where it had fallen to hang limply at his side. "Kaa-chan and I can do that. She made mochi, you know ? 'Cause it's oji-san's favourite! It's very good. Would you like some?"

"Ah, well… Um. I'm not sure if it's a good idea?"

"Why not?" Madara found himself saying. Maybe he sounded a bit desperate, but any shame he would have normally felt at that was secondary to how much he wanted Tobirama to stay. "Have you eaten anything yet? We could share a meal together and maybe talk after…?"

The time it took Tobirama to respond was amongst the most nerve-wracking moments of Madara's life.

"I… I'm," he finally spoke, "I-I guess I can stay. If you're sure…?"

"I am," Madara said quickly, feeling lightheaded with relief. "I'm more than sure."

[taiyoooh]

hashirama's uncle tobirama au feat. butsutaji

[ladykissingfish]

*Tobirama in his office, doing paperwork, when Izuna walks in*

Izuna: Good afternoon, Hokage-sama. How may I service you today?

Tobirama, not looking up: I’ve asked you time and time again not to phrase your greetings like that, haven’t I? I don’t want people getting the wrong impression of us.

Izuna: *sits on the edge of the desk* If you honestly believe there’s a single person in this entire village that doesn’t know we’re banging, then you’re more delusional than I thought, Tobi.

Tobirama: Tsk; so crude. You seem awfully chipper today. What happened; did you find somebody to torment with those eyes of yours?

Izuna: Nope. I’m happy because I finally have the answer to what to get you for Christmas.

Tobirama: Christmas?? Izuna, it’s barely March. Why are you thinking so far in advance?

Izuna: Because your gift will take me about that long to grow, that’s why.

Tobirama: Grow? Er, I appreciate the gesture, but you and I both know that you lack a green thumb, dear. Remember all those plants you tried to keep last summer? All but one of them withered.

Izuna: Well, that won’t happen this time. All I have to do to grow this one is take care of myself, rest and eat right.

Tobirama, finally looking up from his papers: What? What kind of plant requires … wait. Wait. Izu … a-are you saying what I think you’re saying — ?

Izuna, smiling: It’s a little early, but … the doctor said he’s sure: I’m carrying a Senju spawn.

Tobirama: *gets up and hugs Izuna to him*

Tobirama: I can’t believe it … I can’t believe it! A baby?! *softly, with tears in eyes* A baby with my baby … I can’t believe it!

Izuna, also tearing up: W-who knew that unprotected sex could result in something like this, huh?

Tobirama: Again, your crudeness is astounding. Oh, there’s so much to do! We need to move in together for sure now, we have to set up a nursery and get a crib and —

Madara, coming into the office: Senju! *puts a wrapped box on the desk* Hope you don’t mind, I also got you an early Christmas gift.

Tobirama: … you told him??

Izuna: Couldn’t help it, Tobi! He’s the one who brought me to the doctor when I fainted!

Madara: Open your gift.

*Tobirama opens the box; inside is a fancy black suit*

Tobirama: What’s this?

Madara: Entirely up to you, Senju. If you’re the man I hope you are, you’re going to marry my brother as soon as possible, to protect his honor. If that’s the case, then that’s what you’ll be wearing to your wedding. If you decide not to … *pulls out his sword* That’s what they’ll be burying you in. The choice is yours.

Tobirama:

Tobirama: A spring wedding it is, then!

[jiangyanlissidepiece]

Their daughter is born with Madara’s dark, spiky hair and Hashirama’s complexion. She is born with fight in her body and a strong pair of lungs.

She grows quickly, it seems. She’s a smart child and learns to read and write early. She reads. Kami, all she ever does is read, hungry for knowledge; eager to understand why she’s here.

She learns her father’s Mokuton just as much as it comes to her unasked.

She is, to Madara’s chagrin, quite close to her uncle Tobirama, who lets her get away with everything and anything short of treason.

She has a new appreciation for Uchihas, as one of their own.

Haruno Sakura is now Uchiha Mizuki. She is trying to make the most of it.

[theheirofthesharingan]

Are there any silly or interesting Itachi/Sasuke/other character headcanons you've always wanted to share?

Some of these will be Modern-AUish, some canon compliant, and some Akatsuki AU.

Whenever Sasuke sees something that's interesting to (only) him as a child he rushes to Itachi to share it. Itachi is his go-to person whenever he wants to share something. Itachi sometimes lets Sasuke's excitement slide because he's too busy/too tired, and little Sasuke is infuriated. He expresses his fury in form of stomping his feet, walking around the house with a pout. He keeps yelling in front of Itachi's room that no one loves him and genuinely looks sad. No one understands why Sasuke is acting so weird until Itachi picks on it and gives Sasuke some treat. It's super easy to please him.

Itachi is a bad cook. Sasuke is even worse. That's why whenever their parents aren't home, Itachi cooks and Sasuke waits instead of helping him. One time when Sasuke "helped", it almost invited disaster. Itachi swore to never let Sasuke in since then. Sasuke is super salty because what he did at 12 shouldn't be held against him, right? Itachi won't listen. Their parents have no idea about it. So, whenever Itachi cooks something in his millionth attempt, certain that he made the dish perfect, Sasuke always shoots him down with "I've had better". Though later at night he sneaks into the kitchen to finish the rest, because why not.

Sasuke likes to hang out with Madara, but he's always been scared of the old man. Sasuke says he looks good only when he's not speaking or smiling. He always hides behind Itachi whenever Madara is visiting them. Itachi often uses it against Sasuke when he won't let him finish his work. "Go to sleep, Sasuke, or Madara uncle will come." It's an inside joke and Madara is definitely not pleased because he loves kids. He doesn't want to be the bad guy in Sasuke's eyes.

Both the brothers love to go on long cycle rides, especially in summers.

Naruto and Sasuke have a lot of sleepovers. Whenever Sasuke has to go to Naruto's house, Itachi drops him there. And when Naruto has to come to Sasuke's house, they want Itachi to tell them horror stories. Not overly keen on scaring them both, he tries to evade, but Naruto wouldn't listen. To set the mood, all the lights are kept off, and as soon as Itachi starts, Naruto hides himself in covers, and Sasuke rolls his eyes. Although later at night neither Naruto nor Sasuke want to go out alone to pee. Sasuke is just as scared as Naruto. He just doesn't want to show.

Minato and Kushina love both the brothers. Because of them their families are super close as well. Occasionally, Minato would take all the three kids to some other city/fun place, and come home super exhausted, because Naruto and Sasuke are a menace.

When they're kids, and Mikoto and Fugaku have to leave for a few hours, Kakashi and Yamato have to babysit them. Kakashi hates it because he'd rather be reading his books, but Yamato loves spending time with them. He loves to spoil both the kids. Sasuke just ends up pulling Yamato's hair and also tries to pull Kakashi's mask. But he can't.

Itachi has a Danzo plushie, decorated with red marks and is beaten down badly as if Itachi likes to punch it every time he's mad. Mikoto is horrified because since when her sweet child become this violent. Fugaku gives Itachi a treat when he learns this. Sasuke just likes to pull Danzo plushie's ears because they're fun to him.

Sasuke hates Shisui and Izumi at home. They steal the time he can spend with his nii-san. But when Itachi is not home, Shisui takes Sasuke with him and they train and Shisui deliberately loses his matches. Sasuke tells everything to Itachi with glee that he defeated Shisui when they trained together. Sasuke grudgingly admits to himself only that he likes spending time with Shisui too, but he won't ever feed Shisui's ego, because his nii-san is still the best.

Kisame is another person Sasuke is scared of. But he gets to like him. If anything, if ever Sasuke is mad at his brother, Kisame sides with Sasuke, and tells his brother how terrible of a big brother Itachi is. One day, Sasuke spent exactly 30 minutes complaining about Itachi to Kisame. And obviously, Kisame lectured Itachi that evening.

Being Itachi's little brother, Sasuke is the unofficial member of the Akatsuki. He has his own tiny Akatsuki robe. He doesn't understand why he doesn't get "dangerous" missions like his brother does. They tell him he's the most important person in the Akatsuki, so he must get special treatment. They keep all the gory shit out of his knowledge.

Sasuke really, really dislikes Kakuzu. He also finds Hidan weird. He wants to protect his brother from Deidara because Deidara just seems like he's obsessed with his brother. Itachi must be protected from him.

The people Sasuke loves in the Akatsuki after his brother are Konan and Sasori. Sasori makes puppets/toys for him (without all the blood and stuff) and gifts them to Sasuke. Konan is like a mom to him. In Itachi's absence she takes care of Sasuke.

[oh-no-its-bird]

Chasing Shadows inspired time travel au where Fugaku and Kakashi get zapped to the warring states, but things become tricky when they keep looking to Hikaku as their shared "figure of respect/responsibility" (bc hes the Uchiha head in future Konoha, having lasted long enough to make Fugaku his heir) when at this time he's just barley third in command and Madara is like. RIGHT there.

That's not even mentioning the ticking time bomb of "Kakashi looks like Tobirama did as a child" that's already been established, that's gonna cause problems (half-Hatake Tobirama who's Kakashi's blood uncle agenda goes brrr)

(For those who don't know what Chasing Shadows is, all u really need to know for this is that Kakashi is 6, Fugaku is 19, and Hikaku is the acting Uchiha clan head at 76. A week after his fathers suicide, Kakashi found out he's related to Tobirama via his grandmother, projects on him really fucking hard, and eventually ends up with Hikaku acting as one of multiple mentor figures to him.)

Fugaku, aware that the Uchiha compound of this era isn't uhh. The best place for a Hatake kid who resembles one of their greatest enemies to a suspicious degree: "maybe u should leave actually. Go shack up with the Senju or smthn"

Kakashi, now heavily biased towards the Uchiha bc of Hikaku and Fugaku: "ok but why."

Izuna, standing directly behind him holding a giant mallet:

The Uchiha are arguing ab what they should do w Kakashi and if they should like. Take him as political hostage (assuming, not entirely incorrectly, that he's related to Tobirama and Hashirama) but also like. The Hatake are an isolated clan that famously react very fucking badly when their kids are threatened. So is this a potential political tool for them to use or a ticking time bomb to when they accidentally potentially get a new clan (who's already allied to the Senju) involved in their feud.

The Uchiha writing to Tobirama and Hashirama like "we have ur secret little brother/cousin(?) come talk to us now or he gets it"

"You have our what."

Hashirama is going "ahaha oh nooo my secret little brother,, who I love very much and also know exactly who ur talking about but would love it if u could send a portrait or chakra signature or smthn just to make sure its the right kid,,, u know how it is <3"

I feel like I've used that beat before actually. Which one of my like 20 Kakashi to warring states time travel aus have I pulled this in?? Possibly multiple tbh

Anyways Hashirama also going "oh nooo u have my baby brother,, I guess we have no choice but to talk andmaybedopeace"

Anyways. I need a Hikaku focused character study sooo badd,, the pipe he uses in Chasing Shadows is Madara's, have I mentioned that yet? Bc it totally is and no one really knows that and like. Hikaku sure as fuck won't mention it bc it'd really only bring bad things

Kakashi and Fugaku are making surprised Pikachu faces at Hikaku like every time they see him, neither can get over seeing him this young and not blind and also not in charge. It's unnatural.

Even logically knowing that they can't just place their full trust in him bc hes not their Hikaku, they still can't stop themselves from doing it accidentally— Fugaku is his ward, he was raised by the guy. And Kakashi is a moody 6 year old who only has like 5 actually trusted adult figures in his life and only 3 of those he gives actual respect and Hikaku is one of those 3.

That's totally gonna fuck them over in the future bc, again, Hikaku doesn't know them!!! His clan and his loyalty to Madara + Izuna will always come first over these odd strangers, sorry

Maybe throw Mikoto in too, who's Izuna's granddaughter (that resemblance is gonna cause issues) and Fugaku's begrudging fiance (Hikaku said Fugaku could become clan head on ONE condition— marrying Izuna's granddaughter back into the main line), could be fun

Maybe I'll try to write smthn like this once I'm more into the meat of chasing shadows and have set up the Hikaku-Fugaku-Kakashi dynamic enough that people are invested in it

[doveywovy]

from an au where technically tobirama marries the entire main house of the uchiha for convoluted cultural reasons, but ultimately almost all of his new husbands are straight and at least one just wants to murder him. Izuna is in love with him but hiding it, and getting his most forbidden desire (married to his rival) in this way (unable to express actual affection, sharing said spouse with four other people) is...stressful for him.

------

Five husbands. It’s quite the sum, and the sort of thing that Hashirama would read about in his books pilfered from passing noble ladies. Less titillating in reality, for a number of reasons.

Tobirama greets them each, his own face calm and blank. His new husbands have much less of a handle on things. They’re lined up by age. First is Madara’s Great-Uncle from his mother’s side, Hyousuke. The man is in his late seventies, which is a sign of great accomplishment or great cowardice for a shinobi- difficult to discern. The old Senju reports made him out as a poison specialist, and his extremely disdainful expression makes it obvious that this will be a matter of concern for Tobirama. The man had once had a wife, a decade and a half past, but she had died and he’d not taken on another. His three children had all died in the war, though none- as far as he could discern- by Tobirama’s own hand. 

  After Hyousuke was Hikaku, Madara’s cousin on his father’s side. a nervous looking man in his thirties with an attempt at a polite smile plastered on. He’s the only one with a living wife; no children, as of yet, though with the peace treaty in place they’re likely to be trying. She’s in attendance, a place of importance, but with an obvious distance to the presumed threat he presents. He’s curious how they’ll go about ensuring them apart longterm- not that he’ll seek her out, but simply by nature of housing. 

Madara himself at last, a respectable boiling rage hidden behind an excessively firm grip. Twenty-five is a bit late for a first marriage, especially a first marriage that can’t produce an heir. Tobirama certainly won’t complain; if Madara had a wife, or another husband, they might feel very tempted to take issue with him. This was difficult enough as it is. 

Izuna- of course, Izuna was the one that had worried him most, initially. But the man greets him with a blank sort of certainty. His sharingan flickers on when Tobirama drinks from his cup- perhaps on instinct, or perhaps an intimidation tactic. It flickers back off soon after, his expression never shifting. 

Kagami is nine. His primary emotion is an understandable fear. It takes him twice as long as the others to perform the ceremony, and he wobbles as he does it. Tobirama waits patiently, and takes the cup from him gently. He affords the boy an encouraging smile at the end of it; decorum can be put aside slightly given the unusual circumstances. 

The entire main family of the Uchiha, and him. 

----

The husbands have a meeting, excluding Kagami. He’d been sent off to training while the rest of them gathered in the center of the main family’s house. 

“I’ll kill him.” Hyousuke offers very affably. “Even if I get caught, I’m old enough you can claim senility and the clan won’t be troubled for it.” 

Izuna smiles. His eyes are pitch black and unreadable, and he says, “Thank you for the kind offer, but I think it’s best if we wait a while, Great-Uncle.” His hands are very still, and his voice doesn’t dip. 

Hyousuke nods along. 

--

“What are you doing?” Madara prods, not entirely sure which one he’s asking. Kagami, still dangling from Tobirama’s arm, looks perplexed. 

“I’m playing. What’s the good of a wife if he can’t play?” 

Tobirama, the bastard, nods. 

--

“If Hyousuke manages to kill him we’ll really be in trouble.” Izuna says. Madara isn’t sure about that- Tobirama dying would solve a lot of their issues, and if Hyousuke’s caught then he’ll lose standing in the clan and they won’t have to deal with his demands anymore. But Izuna seems certain- he’s dramatic, playing it up comedically, but he’s not one for joking about a position he doesn’t hold. 

---

Hyousuke is dead.

It was only a matter of time, at his age. Tobirama does a respectable job as a grieving widow, considering he’s still got four living husbands and Hyousuke wasn’t much of a spouse when alive. More importantly, he’s entirely secure from accusations of being responsible- he’d been with the other Uchiha wives at the time of Hyousuke’s death. 

An astoundingly good alibi, that could only be doubted if one was willing to call into question the abilities or honesty of the entirety of the Uchiha wives. Madara isn’t stupid enough to try. 

[hauntedhokage]

Could I have an imagine/a little scenario of Madara, Itachi, Sasuke and Hashirama explaining to his son that his wife is pregnant again and that he'll have a little sibling soon? Thank you, I love your posts!

this is so soft i'm- 🥺

notes/warnings: f!reader, pregnancy talk, non-massacre au,

Madara Uchiha

His firstborn has just turned four years old when you become pregnant with your second child. Fatherhood hadn't come naturally like he thought it should have, so he's relieved that he's got three years of practice before he needed to be ready for a second. He was around his son's age when Izuna was born, making him an older sibling, so it felt right. He and his siblings all had a couple years between them (even if the clan elders seemed to forget that).

It's a soft spoken request that he be the one to tell your son about the new arrival to the family, feeling that his duty as a father was to prepare his son for the future. He didn’t know really how to say what needed to be said, so he was hoping for a moment to make itself know for him to take advantage of it. So he takes the boy along while attending to his duties around the village, the boy sitting atop his shoulders until they reach the clinic where Madara needed to get the herbs for your tea and medicines that would help keep you and the baby healthy as your bodies developed.

“What’s that stuff for? Is Mother sick?”

“No, no, far from it.” He supposes now is the opportunity he was hoping for, so he kneels in front of the boy who looked so much like his mother it was charming. “Your mother is pregnant, which means that in a few months she is going to have a baby.”

“A baby!?”

“Indeed, and we have important jobs as the father and big brother to take care of your mother as she grows this new life and to protect her and the new baby when they’re born. You are the eldest son, you will have responsibility over your younger sibling always, and it will be your job to help me train them.”

Hashirama Senju

Your firstborn son isn't even talking by the time you're pregnant with your second child. The village elders think it's wonderful that you're so fertile and healthy after giving birth that you could become pregnant again, Hashirama is stressed out of his mind. He's ecstatic at having another child come into the family, sure, but concerned about how you'll manage two children under two years old while he is busy as the Hokage.

So he turns to his new therapist: his not even year old son. You were fast asleep but the babe was fussy, and he was more than happy to quietly walk around until the infant was asleep in his arms. Only he talked while he did.

"You know, your mother is going to have another baby in a few months," he starts, large hand rubbing his son's back. "You're going to be a big brother, like your papa and your uncle. It's a big job, you've got to set a good example since younger ones copy everything you do. It's kinda annoying sometimes but don't tell your uncle I said that. I'm gonna do everything I can to be a good father, and help you be a good big brother, but you've got to do me a favor and start sleeping through the night. Your mother will need to be well rested so she can give you a healthy sibling, I will need to be well rested so I can take care of our family, and you will need to be well rested so you can fill our days with so much love and joy and grow into a splendid young man."

The child is asleep on his shoulder now, but Hashirama feels like they've made an agreement tonight.

Sasuke Uchiha

Sasuke has to ask Itachi how the news was broken to him. He knew their parents didn't just have a second child and not tell their oldest son, but he needed to know how they did it. Did they just say it? Did they have to explain how babies were made?

And of course, the elder sibling was of no assistance. He apparently didn't remember having a conversation like that with their parents (but Sasuke was certain that Itachi just liked to see him squirm).

Which leads Sasuke to sit on the dock with his five year old son, much like he used to with his own father. The boy is excited to tell him about school, and how he's the best in his class.

"You're not yet a shinobi, but I need to give you a mission," Sasuke starts, a hand atop his son's head as the boy stares up at him. Sasuke giving his son "missions" was not a rare occurrence - it actually was how he ensured that the more tedious tasks got done (like eating vegetables and cleaning up toys). "A pretty big task, your most important mission."

"What is it?"

"You're going to be a big brother soon, so I'll need you to help me take care of your mom and the new baby when they come."

He anticipated the excitement at the news, and was equally relieved that the young boy was excited to be a big brother. What he hadn't anticipated was his son hopping up to go run to his uncle's house, needing advice for how to prepare to be a good big brother.

Itachi Uchiha

He has to get over his own excitement first. He's had so much fun as a father to his firstborn, the last four years being nothing but joy (even when he was running on less than three hours of sleep due to teething, restlessness, or needing to sweep the house three times to ensure there weren't any monsters after a bad nightmare). Two have two children running around, filling his home with light and laughter, was just a dream come true.

He waits until he has the first ultrasound photo, wanting to be as informational about this as he could be since he knew his son would have questions. Then he sits in the grass with his son and asks if the boy would like to see something beautiful. He takes the time to explain the picture in his hands, and that his son was looking at the first ever picture of his younger sibling.

"We'll be doing a lot of preparation for their arrival, and your mother and I will need your help taking care of them when they get here. Babies have a lot of needs."

"I can't wait to meet them." The boy says cheerfully, looking up at his father with a wide smile. "Will you train me to look for monsters like you and mom do for me?"

"When you're old enough, I will."

[grimnisdottir]

Inspired by the many arranged marriages to seal a treaty AU's, and thought, well… no, not quite. Anyway enjoy my twist. ~~~~~~~~~~~

Madara is entirely unsure why a Hatake is sitting at the table, but the way the White Demon seems to relax minutely holds his attention over the tense atmosphere. His eyes seem relaxed, so Madara can see white lashes spread like snowfall over blood. See how he gently leans towards the older man as though awaiting something. If this was to be his Wife, then Madara can at least admit that the Senju is pretty to look at.

Madara flicks his attention to Hashirama and tries desperately not to let a bark of laughter out. Hashirama looks vaguely pale for a Clan Head, and the dark circles under his eyes only seem to pop out more. His old friend looks- Madara sobers. Now was not the time. 

Today they had something important to discuss in the treaty, and the interloper would only prolong the inevitable. 

“Hatake-san, why are you here?” Madara addresses the man directly, annoyance threading into his tone. 

The redhead, and wasn’t that a marvel, tilts his head to the left. If it hadn’t been for the Hatake mon, golden eyes that reminded him of wolves, and the freezing lightning-touched chakra lazily rolling about, Madara would have assumed another clan entirely. 

The Hatake smiles, eyes crinkling in amusement. “Uchiha-sama,” the man addresses him, leaning back and crossing his fingers on the table. It has Madara bristling at the arrogance. "I am here because the Senju can't honor the terms of one important treaty line." 

Madara stiffens along with his brother beside him. Excuse me? 

Mushrooms sprout onto the table as Hashirama groans, capturing Madara's attention faster than a Kunai can strike. "What is the meaning of this Senju-sama?" Madara says through his teeth. 

"Uchiha-sama," The Hatake smoothly interrupts. It's lazy and unbothered by the insult he has given. Golden eyes glitter, and Madara wants to stab. "You react too soon. Tobirama Senju is not just Heir to the Senju. He is also Mine."

What.

Madara blinks. A strangled noise comes from Izuna and what sounds like a choke from Hikaku. He had no idea the Hatake had switched hands. The last he had known, it was still Satoshi Hatake. A devastating man who Madara swears his honored father sneaks out with to go get drinks when the wolves pass by. Though the knowledge they had been able to scrape up about his children was scarce. Only two. One passed, so this must be the youngest who follows in his father's footsteps, Katsuro Hatake.

"I apologize, Hatake-sama. I was unaware that the Hatake had a new Clan Head," Madara says but side eyes a further wilting Hashirama. 

"Forgiven and forgotten. We like to use knowledge and misdirection, especially with your Heir and his talents, Uchiha-sama," Katsuro waves off their apology and gently touches Tobirama's hand. "I named Tobirama my Heir, as agreed upon by the terms made between our clans," Madara can hear the ‘predates yours’ that goes unsaid, "that should I not have children, my sister's eldest child was to be my Heir."

"So, to get to the point, Uchiha-sama. The Senju can not offer you Tobirama's hand in marriage to seal this treaty." The room explodes into noises of outrage but Madara closes his eyes. He should have known where the direction was going. Dealing with Hashirama had been easy. Although the marriage wasn’t ideal - he hadn’t wanted to, but Izuna would have slit the Demon's throat if given a chance, their animosity too strong -  the Elders had demanded it. Made it a stipulation, and the Senju agreed. 

No, Hashirama did. 

Looking closer at the duo, he can spot a pleased glint in their eyes. Sending his senses out, Madara is surprised the soothing cool of Tobirama’s chakra is curling around him, like a cat trying to find the best spot in the sun. It jumps back if noticed, pulling behind the sharp icy chakra of the Uncle. Not that he would be able to tell across the Senju’s face. 

As much as Madara disagrees, he has already resigned his fate to be tied to Tobirama for the sake of peace. “So, what do you suggest?” 

Katsuro finally offers a smile, near smug and self-satisfied. “Hatake hearts need to be won, Uchiha-sama. The candidate in question will have the chance to earn it, as Tobirama will endeavor to earn theirs. If it fails, no harm, no foul, and the treaty continues. We Hatake do not enter into loveless marriages, nor do the Uchiha if I recall. If this is unacceptable as a term, then you may choose someone else to marry.”

Madara can't help but feel like he's stepping into a trap, but too late to stop it. Already the terms have been set, and the Elders will likely agree. The burn of anger alights a fire in him. "Are you implying I cannot earn my Wife's heart?" Madara asks, voice tight and controlled. 

A hand wave, dismissive in nature, is the only response that gives anything away. "If that's the way you choose to take my terms, then do so Uchiha-sama. But they will not change. My Heir is precious and an incredible shinobi. Anything less than loved is a travesty.”

“Fine.” Madara snaps, slashing an arm through the air. “I accept those terms.”

“Nii-San,” Izuna whines lowly, and Madara doesn’t miss how Izuna puts his head in his hands, muttering so low he can’t hear. 

“I’m pleased to hear that!” Hashirama gains life, clapping his hands together, which only makes flowers grow on the table around him. 

In one smooth movement, the Hatake Head stands and gently runs his fingers through silver-white hair. The way it parts under fingers has Madara wondering what it would feel like if it was his hand instead. Was it soft? As the loveliest carmine eyes meet his, Tobirama tilts his head, which shows off a column of pale throat and… was that more red lines?  A teasing tilt to plush lips captures his attention before the seductive song suddenly ends, and Tobirama looks like he normally does. But the image has been seared into his head. Whatever game Tobirama Senju plays, Madara wants to see it through even though he feels much like a mouse would before a cat.

Madara grins, full of teeth and excitement. Tobirama Senju might be a good dance partner, after all.

[hellcifrogs]

Wait wait! Sannin Swap AU is giving me so many feelings!

Red eyed Naruto is looking like an unhinged Minato and I bet that with time he will use Talk no Jutsu on Orochimaru and somewhat redeem him??? Naruto trained by Tsunade thooooooo!!! FAMILY BONDING! She did see Nawaki on him, so I guess she would take it as a second chance maybe? And I snorted at "now he's the Hokage grandson" LOL

Jiraya as Sakura's proud uncle HECK YES! And after Aburame Sakura with pink beetles now we have Sakura with pink snakes. I love it! Also HECK YES GIRL END KABUTO! Also, SakuKarin if Sakura finds Team Taka?

Sasuke being trained by Jiraya might make him the village's hero (btw love his clothes) but Sasuke being trained by Tsunade? The last Uchiha being trained by the last Senju????? Madara and Tobirama are rolling in their graves and Hashirama and Izuna are watching benevolently hahahahaha He will singlehandedly end the division that exists since before the village was stablished!

Minato + Kushina (unhinged Uzumaki) = Naruto (little unhinged Minato looking gremlin). It's simple.

Tsunade is Naruto's grandma in my heart and no one can take that from me. It's simple <3

SAKUKARIN FOR SURE! Who do you think I am? 💖 there's even an extra idea I'm organizing to post later where any of the 3 could find Karin to team up, and Snake! Sakura would STILL end up with her.

The Uchiha x Senju peacemaking thing never really meant much to me... until I realized Sasuke could do it! From time to time people mention ideas for how that could be, either Sakura getting more into the Senju side (with mokuton or as Tsunade's legacy) and so SasuSaku could symbolize that peace, or just making things clearer with Naruto's chakra so that it made more sense idk NOW Sasuke doing it alone >:) by himself, being the best version of and for Hashirama's dream of the village and clearing the Uchiha name along the way! Pls😖💖

[domoz]

Go write 100 words of water god aannnnd *rifles through the AUs* ooh apprentice necromancer would be fun

ON IT BOSS

Tobirama takes a slow deliberate breath, in, then out as he prepares himself to try again -- and then there is a whistle, deliberately loud and obviously meant as a warning for his sake. The flap of the tent is pushed open. Tobirama glares as the sharp morning light streams in, unsurprised to find Komako grinning at him like some sort of prize. "Didn't run off or die during the night." She appraises, "Well done." Her entrance is enough motivation for Tobirama to force himself to sit up and stay there, though he can't suppress the wobble in his arms as he does.

AND

Kagami keeps getting surprised today, but he thinks they've all been good surprises. The Senju didn’t spirit him away and lock him in a dungeon, their compound has got normal buildings and not ones up in the trees like everyone says. His new sensei, he tells Madara and Izuna and all the aunties and uncles, is a little scary, but he doesn't  have a bunch of skeletons and dead bodies in his lab like Kagami thought he would. "Well what was in there then, Kagami-kun?" Izuna-sama asks. Izuna-sama has been weirdly nice to him ever since he got told he was going to have a new sensei. Kagami considers this very seriously. "Books." He decides is the best answer, "And scrolls. A lot of papers."

Ask Meme/WIP List

[lossie92]

I'm working on Cranes and that fic just got longer again, though thankfully I know I can finally cap it at 6 chapters and not be tempted to add more.

Also, I can officially confirm there will be a very spicy scene in this fic 🙃

The below is the first few paragraphs of chapter 5, which I'm editing rn.

Hope you enjoy!

-

To be honest Madara hadn’t spent much of his time envisioning all the little moments he could potentially experience if, by some miracle, Tobirama ever returned his affections. In fact, he had considered such thoughts to be fanciful and rather pointless. Expecting anything good to come out of what he had at some point started to subconsciously think about as hapless love was a path that led straight into heartbreak and his heart was already fractured. It was difficult to say whether it could possibly handle another blow.

Having Tobirama agree to walk him home, their hands brushing every so often and the tension between them growing with each step they took, was more than he could have ever hoped for.

He didn't know why lovely, beautiful Tobirama would do that. The reason why the omega stepped closer instead of moving away once they made it to Madara’s house or why he kissed him of his own volition, breath hitching and his hands trembling where they were fisted in Madara’s kendogi was a complete surprise as well. A pleasant one, sure, but a surprise nevertheless.

Apparently – miraculously – Madara might have been wrong to dismiss the possibility of a relationship between them and he had trouble wrapping his head around that.

In many ways it felt like a dream come true. 

Madara could feel the warmth radiating off of the omega’s body and the cool flow of his chakra; could smell his sweet flowery scent, which deepened the longer they kissed, indicating not only contentment, but tentative arousal as well. It was beyond heavenly and better than anything he could have envisioned.

The kiss didn’t last for long. It was relatively chaste too, but all the same Madara found himself breathless in the aftermath, his heart beating wildly when Tobirama didn’t move away immediately afterwards, choosing to press their foreheads together instead. The intimacy of this moment was undeniable and though Madara had no idea where it was all coming from, he couldn’t help how happy it made him, the elation threatening to make him burst into tears.

The words “We need to talk” took him by surprise, though he should have seen them coming. Loathe as he was to let fear rule him now, to allow it to ruin this little bit of unexpected happiness, it was inevitable. 

Good things never lasted long, did they?

"Talk," he repeated after Tobirama, trying to keep his tone even, which wasn't an easy fit. "Talk about what?"

“I know you,” Tobirama all but blurted out, his face heating up in a fierce blush, the reason for it likely embarrassment. Then he swallowed before looking up, a strange sort of determination in the set of his jaw as he continued, “I know it’s you. I know you were the one to... to leave the flowers. To bring me the gifts. I know.”

[taiyoooh]

i love all the aus where madara has major hots for hashirama’s uncle tobirama

but it also makes me feel self-conscious lol

[belit0]

2000 Word Commission (Uchiha Obito / Fem Reader) @moroseu

"Alrighty for this one imma let you pick between Madara or Obito since you write both of them so well 🥹💗 If you could write in a modern AU about ex-lovers reconnecting online? He accidentally likes an old risque photo of reader during a work break and she notices immediately because she misses him too. Which leads into some spicy texts or phone call👀"

You know I had to choose Obito for this commission because which Uchiha is more capable of liking something unintentionally?!!?!?!!?

Also, thank you so much to beautiful Roseu for always supporting my work, highly grateful to my darling🙌🏻💕🛐💫

EACH COMMISSION COMES WITH AN EXTRA SECRET SCENARIO, THAT I UNIQUELY AND ESPECIALLY ADD FOR THE BUYER. (I'll leave you an example of it at the bottom, but in Spanish, so you don't cheat.)

KO-FI COMMISSIONS

His mind is fried as he opens Instagram without even thinking about it, headphones still in place and microphone ready for when the client finishes her word marathon. Uncle Madara usually makes fun of Obito and his job, saying it's just a stupid call center and his labor is way too simple, so easy he could do it without paying attention, yet he doesn't have a clue.

He has been on the phone for about an hour with Mrs. Maria Rodriguez, trying to explain why her online banking is blocked, asking for verification of certain suspicious transactions, struggling to read some legal disclosures without being interrupted. The lady, in her eighties and as lucid as a mad goat, talks on and on, ignoring all Obito's requests for time to explain himself.

He holds a Monster in his hand, the only source of strength in these times of labor adversities.

Personally, he believes that people this old should not have access to these types of lines without a family member by their side to assist, with the personified example on the phone and not being able to do anything about it. The lady speaks a mixture of broken English and fluent Spanish, mixing dialects and mistranslations into a jumble of incomprehensible sentences.

He has been staring at his computer screen for an hour with his microphone muted, tired of fighting Mrs. Rodriguez's compelling need to recount all of her family's wanderings, what she did today, what she bought yesterday, what medicines she needs refills for. The Uchiha abandoned the urge to fight against his rambling client some time ago, determined to end the call as airily as possible.

He evaluated the possibility of dropping his connection several times, fed up with being unable to follow her lead or explain the reasons for the blockages in her account, exercising all his patience on the first call of his shift. He has about seven more hours of torture ahead of him, and no idea how the day is going to end after starting out like this.

As Maria continues to babble on about how her granddaughter started school and explains she ran out of Atorvastatin for her heart problems, Obito gives up and grabs his cell phone, leaving Instagram open just to bring some comfort to his visual. He's tired of seeing Mrs. Rodriguez's account on his screen, and can't seem to get out of that situation anytime soon.

He would jump into watching TikToks, but it causes him terrible frustration having to binge them without sound, choosing muted stories as his quality poison. He can't forego the possibility of finally needing to use his microphone as soon as the client stops mumbling, simply staring at the photos people ephemerally upload.

His heart catches in his throat when he sees Shisui's story, and almost chokes on the shot of Monster he takes at that exact moment. Had he had the microphone open, Mrs. Rodriguez probably would have spent another hour telling him to watch out and be careful, to drink some water.

It's not because of Shisui himself, but because of who is posing with him in the story. (Y/N), his ex, beautiful and stunning as always, looks at him from the other side of the screen with a wonderful expression, huge smile, and looking genuinely joyful. They both model in front of a sculpture in a museum, and Obito should have assumed he would eventually come across some hint of her on his social media.

He never unfollowed her, but preferred to restrict her stories so as not to suffer whenever seeing her dating someone else, knowing that a girl as stunning as (Y/N) would not take long to find someone. She and Shisui, co-workers at his uncle's company, always had a pleasant friendly relationship, true work besties.

He is not surprised to see them together, nor does he suspect his cousin is betraying him in any way, but coming face to face with her after months of grieving is shocking. Mrs. Rodriguez brings him out of his stupor by asking him a question he fails to catch, only being aware of it by the sudden silence in the line.

He hastily opens his microphone, unwilling to lose his job and have to beg Madara to employ him, and speaks as professionally as he can muster, "Mrs. Rodriguez, as I told you a couple of times, this is Obito with Wealth Fargu, online fraud assistance trying to verify a transaction for an amount of 273.45 cents made through Zelle. Can you confirm the legitimacy of it or are you unfamiliar with the charge?"

"Ohhhh, it was probably mi hija, trying to purchesear something because it turns out..." Another huge trail of words he's not willing to hear, ringing on the other end of his headphones for approximately 45 minutes. Maria goes back to addressing her pointless monologue as the Uchiha decides to pop into (Y/N)'s profile, pressing the @ that Shisui left in his story, and see what life has thrown at her.

Their separation was neither traumatic nor terrible, two adults agreeing it was not the right time to face anything serious, let alone a relationship like the one they were in, taking the most responsible decision and opting to walk away. There are no grudges or quarrels, just words stuck on the tongue and many "I love you" to be said.

Obito scrolls through her profile, reaching the time limit where the two stopped talking and seeing each other, and clicks on the first picture. Dazzling as always, (Y/N) poses in a bikini on the beach, body sculpted by the world's most lustful gods, curves to die for, tanned to the perfect point.

He can't deny the feelings his friend downstairs feels as he admires the details of the photo, putting his Monster down on his desk and resting his phone on it as well, trying not to make mistakes and unintentionally like it. He looks at the screen from afar, with Mrs. Rodriguez in the background as she continues to tell him about her daughter, and can't help a circulation of beautiful memories in his mind.

"OBITO! MY BOY! ARE YOU THERE?!" Maria shouts on the other end of his line, startling him so much that Uchiha brings his hands to the keyboard out of instinct. The second his arm twitches in panic, he ends up inadvertently pressing against the phone screen, giving a like to the most suggestive photo he could have found on (Y/N)'s profile.

"YES, HERE I AM! DO YOU RECOGNIZE THE TRANSFER AND THE AMOUNT?!" he shouts out of sheer panic at his customer, while internally wanting to die at the sight of the phone. That red heart, lit up at the base of the screen, hunting him as if it wanted to eat him alive.

"Yes, yes, it was my daughter." Obito doesn't have the strength to answer as he should, opting to reestablish Mrs. Rodriguez's access to her online banking without the system's regulatory checks, needing to cut the call and breathe. He doesn't even say goodbye before letting go of the line, and remains transfixed staring at his computer screen.

He locks the cell phone without moving his eyes, refusing to look at it, knowing there is no way to retract the notification that has probably already arrived on his ex's device. He tosses it onto his bed, located just behind the desk he uses for work, determined to feign nonchalance in the remaining hours of his shift.

...

The clock strikes five o'clock, time for the Uchiha to finally log off, shutting down the system he uses on his computer and heading to bed. It's a Friday without much to do, having turned down some invitations to go out to stay at home and relax, but he begins to evaluate the possibility of accepting some of the proposals just to get drunk and forget his little mistake.

Of course, for that, he has to go through looking at his mobile phone, which is an impossible task.

He turns the device over on the mattress, having landed on the screen, and lies down next to it. iPhone pointing towards the ceiling, he looks at it from the side, unable to read the notifications that came in or to know if there were any repercussions for his action.

He types in his security code by heart, keeping his face out of the camera, and is thankful to always have it on mute to avoid knowing what happened during all the hours he ignored it. When he accesses his messages, however, everything becomes complicated.

He can't make out names or pictures at the angle he tries to look at the phone, and doing his best to try and open his family's group chat, he ends up getting into one that leaves his heart in his throat again.

"Hey there :)" He reads the harmless text his ex sent him, and has no idea how to react. Having already inadvertently left her on read, he has no choice but to reply, a little excited and nervous.

"Hi :), what's up?" With a smiley face? No smiley face? More formal? Less informal? Resentful? Cheerful? He has no idea how to set the tone of his message, conflicted about how to react after so many months of no contact with her. How should one behave when your beautiful ex texts you again?

His message is instantly read, which means (Y/N) is inside the chat. She sends another calm, casual reply, and the two of them fall into the well-known chatting dance, catching up as if nothing happened.

Obito learns he misses her madly when she sends a picture of her smiling face, always so pretty and perfect, the most beautiful woman in the world to his eyes. Feelings of nostalgia and love intermingle in an emotional mess, tying a knot in his chest he decides to ignore.

After all, he still loves her fiercely.

He responds to the photo with one of his own, having taken about ten minutes to define the angle and try to look as cute as he can. Disheveled after a long day at work, his ex replies with a similar picture, but a little more daring.

She, on the bed, wearing shorts too small and revealing half of her buttocks, only a fragment of her face in the shot. She is clearly shooting where she wants the attention to go, and the Uchiha is not going to object to that. (Y/N's) body is still as ravishingly gorgeous as he remembers, smooth skin he can identify even through the screen, an angel personified on earth.

Not intending to ruin the reunion, mixed feelings between his legs as well, he follows the tone of her photo with a slightly more provocative one. He, in the mirror, shirtless and revealing the V marked at the end of his abdomen by stretching the waistband of his pants down.

The tone quickly rises on both sides, both parties engaged in a back and forth of increasingly explicit photos, and soon, Obito finds himself with a hand inside his pants, touching himself without remorse. According to the videos he now receives, (Y/N) seems to follow him in body and soul, showing as she satisfies herself with a pink toy vibrating on her clit.

She had no possession of such an object before it all ended, and he feels even more aroused at the possibility of her not having been with anyone for months. Of course, there would be nothing wrong with the opposite case, but a toxic part of him is happy about that fact.

(Y/N) moans into her phone with anticipation, and before he can reply with a video of his own, he receives a video call. He doesn't take a second to answer it, being greeted with an "I miss you" between moans and ragged breaths, his ex's legs spread wide open as she touches herself with that toy of hers.

"I need you, (Y/N), I fucking miss you too" he moans in response, ceasing his touch to articulate coherent words and then resuming his self-inflicted caresses. They both share the moment, separated by distance but together in virtuality, fucking each other from afar yet close at the same time.

"You... sho-ould come! Here... I-I mean, come here!" It kills him the effort she makes to communicate what she needs, and he can imagine the familiar look of pleasure she must have plastered on her features, the one he appreciated countless times beneath his own body.

"Now?"

"Fuck yes-s, come, please!" Obito doesn't need a second invitation, quickly cutting off the call and typing an "on my way, don't cum" into their chat as he pulls on a jumpsuit with no need for a t-shirt underneath, sneakers, and runs out of his apartment with his car keys ready in hand.

EXAMPLE OF A SPECIAL AND UNIQUE ADDED SCENARIO

[slrsunfire]

Been working on a new fic on the side, and I'm hoping to have it out sometime soon. I'm planning on it being relatively short (for me at least, lol!) with maybe two chapters or it just being a long oneshot.

I had this idea hit me hard when I went to visit Tanganikya Wildlife Park earlier this month and saw these cute babies being bottle fed:

YES, THOSE ARE BABY SNOW LEOPARDS!! They were adorable and watching them gave me some seriously wonderful mdtb ideas.

What you need to know for this AU:

Madara is a single dad in this, raising a recently orphaned Kagami. His cousin Shisui can see Madara is edging on burnout, and suggests that he take Kagami to the wildlife park Shisui works at in an attempt to get them both to relax and have a little fun.

In the process Madara meets the capable (and very distracting) animal handler Tobirama who manages the care of the big cats for the park, including the nursery.

Shisui can see the sparks flying between them and, like any good wingman would, decides to help his very useless cousin win a date.

Here's a sneak peak below :3 Enjoy! :

“Uncle, look, look! There’s cousin Shisui!” 

Madara barely bit back a sigh as he was all but pulled towards the waving figure of his own uncle’s eldest son who stood just beyond the turnstiles of Konoha’s Wildlife Park with a warm smile on his face. 

“I see him, Kagami-kun,” Madara reassured Kagami as he allowed the boy to lead them towards Shisui through the modest bustle of people heading to and from the giftshop which sat adjacent to the entrance they had just exited. 

He knew he should correct Kagami’s manhandling, but it was the most excited he’d seen his nephew in weeks since Shisui had first suggested bringing Kagami to the park. His cousin had been nice enough to offer to give them a behind the scenes tour even though he knew Shisui was just as busy as Madara was. As one of the park’s program managers that oversaw the various animal handlers that worked within the park, Shisui had somehow been able to pull strings to make their visit possible, and Madara was beyond grateful for it even though he strongly suspected Shisui was likely to ask for a favor in return.

Madara couldn't say he minded the way Shisui had continued to try and force himself into Madara's sphere the last few months, when before they'd seen each other maybe once a year, if that. He probably owed Shisui more than a few favors in totality, honestly, if he thought back on all that Shisui had done for him lately.

They all were still reeling from the unexpected loss of Kou and his wife to a horrific car accident nearly a year ago, but his nephew most of all. Kagami’s entire life had been upended in a short amount of time, and it was understandably taking some time for the boy to heal and work through his loss.

Madara and Izuna had quickly moved to do what they could to pick up the pieces, Madara by taking in his older brother’s son and Izuna by chipping in to help with smoothing out the legal aspects Madara hadn’t been prepared to face down on his own. As a well known corporate lawyer, Izuna had been invaluable in guiding them through the probate process as well as the legal guardianship considerations they’d had to undertake in order for Madara to legally adopt Kagami. Dealing with the loss of Kou had been hard enough to stomach, but all of the paperwork they’d had to complete in addition to divesting of Kou’s estate had been a special kind of hell that Madara never wanted to experience again.

Only now were things starting to begin to feel a little more normal more days than not, even though Madara still hadn’t quite wrapped his head around the fact he’d essentially become a father in all but name. He didn’t know how Kou and his wife had done it, frankly. Kagami was a good child, but he was a handful to say the least. At seven the boy had more energy than Madara ever remembered having even at Kagami's age, and Madara continually found himself exhausted beyond reason no matter what he did.

Maybe it would be easier with another person in the picture to help lighten the load so to speak, but Madara hadn’t been the most social of people even before adopting Kagami, both out of choice and because his job as a very in demand ophthalmic surgeon made it difficult at the best of times to find any time to get out to meet people.

It hadn’t gotten any calmer, truthfully. Especially now that he’d had to structure things a bit more tightly to make certain his schedule was more predictable so he could be home with Kagami during normal hours. 

It was good Izuna was always willing to fill in for him if his own schedule permitted, but it was another layer of stress Madara hadn’t had to deal with before, and he was only just beginning to grow used to having to fit his life around another human being’s. 

To be frank, Madara very much needed a vacation. Kagami did, too. Unfortunately such a thing wasn't possible at the moment for a variety of reasons, which was where Shisui's brilliant idea came into play.

“There’s my favorite little man!” Shisui beamed down at Kagami, making a show of looking him up and down. “You’re looking a little bigger, Kagami-kun.” 

“That’s cause he is,” Madara cut in, not even bothering to fight back the sigh he let out. The amount of clothing Kagami was going through was simply ridiculous at the moment. “He’s grown another three inches since you saw him in February.” 

Shisui’s eyebrows shot up at that, his surprise not faked in the slightest as he stared down at Kagami with a blatantly impressed expression. 

“No kidding? You’re going to be eating Madara-san out of house and home, soon at the rate you’re going.” 

“No I’m not!” Kagami giggled at that, looking quite pleased with himself and Madara lightly scuffed the boy’s hair, unable to help the fond look he directed down at his young nephew. 

“Yeah, you actually are,” Madara dryly insisted, before his hand came to rest atop Kagami’s messy head of hair. 

“Kou was a tall bas–” Shisui started to say only to quickly correct his choice of wording when Madara shot him a look hot enough to melt steel, “tall dude. Your mama, too. My money’s on you being just as tall when you grow up, Kagami-kun. So, ready to see some animals?” 

Madara had to give it to Shisui, it was a near perfect diversion away from his near slip up, but unlike Kagami who had perked up at the promise of seeing the park's inhabitants and had already forgotten their previous conversation, Madara made sure to level a flat look at his cousin that served as a wordless warning he knew Shisui would understand implicitly. 

“Right! Well, let’s get going then!” Shisui quickly clapped his hands together in a near hysterical manner, and Madara had to stifle the snort that very nearly escaped him in response.

[fuck-edfrugs]

So I had a dream about crazy b and it spawned an au

Thanks to @mutsuowo, I have a ton more info

So the au is basically a future au where kaname wakes up so HiMERU gets to stop pretending to be him, this means HIMERU no longer absolutely despises tatsumi he doesn't like him but hell tolerate him. Rinne is past his prime and wanted to stop doing idol work, he probably also got some injury that caused him to be less able to do idol work. Niki went with him to open a cat cafe, he loves cooking so he would like that he gets to do that. He also gets full control of the menu. Kohaku didn't want to run the unit alone and he obviously can't just be in df because they don't exist anymore. Also, he gets free from having to worry about Tsukasa after one of his sisters became a producer. HiMERU had left already to look after kaname as he recovered so rinne and Niki would invite him to work at the cafe

The pretty 5 are in there all the time and it kinda just becomes an idol hang out spot, ritsu is in there a lot because cats and also he thinks rei would avoid it bc of the issues between crazy b and undead

Alkaloid would be regular visitors because mayoi is the most cat person a person can be, hiiro is rinnes brother, aira is there with the pretty 5, and tatsumi would want to visit kaname, Niki and rinne have to drag HiMERU into the back to keep him from being around tatsumi

Mika and shu got married in france and adopted a kid.

Here's mutsu's description of her:

"A little girl with light blonde hair(like Eichi's) with golden eyes...except she has sectoral heterochromia so her right eye has the bottom half being a soft pink, her name is Anya and she came from the same orphanage Mika did so right when she arrived after being abandoned because of her eyes Mika instantly got called and adopted her"

Nazuna is like a big brother or uncle to her, her first words were "nii-chan" in reference to nazuna. The 5 eccentrics are her uncles and rei and natsume are the babysitters, Kanata is not allowed to after he tried to get her to puka puka with him even though she couldn't swim. Eichi isn't allowed around her without hibiki there.

She idolizes kohaku and she never uses Madaras name, she only calls him mama and he loves her as if she were his own kid.