#uncle Tab’s wisdom

[tabrisofmars]

Have you ever heard ‘a secret is best kept between two people when one of them is dead’? Absolutely untrue. Ghosts are the worst gossips.

[a-d-nox]

it’s my birthday today :)

i think this is fun to do, so feel free to comment or reblog what you think will happen this year to me based on my chart, while i make my own predictions for my solar return chart. feel free to treat this as a solar return observation post! perhaps next year i will come back and see if my predictions were correct?!

first things first i have to point out this is a 2022-23 chart i always get funny looks for this but hi i turned 22 on october 27th, 2022 why would i look at a 2023 solar return that takes place october 27th, 2023 - i would be 23 then? so from this point on EVEN WHEN WE ARE IN 2023 i will be referring to the 2022 chart for the solar return year. make sure you verify your stuff before looking at your solars.

1H IN LEO AT 3°

words that come to mind: adventure, appearance, death of an aunt or uncle, grandparents, health, nation and its health, arrogance, bets, fainting spells, heart disease, politics, president, romance, royalty, social affairs, accuracy, activeness, anxieties, authors, books, logic, manuscripts, mentor, whispering, and wit.

my thoughts: FINALLY SOME RECOGNITION! i feel like i may have some anxiety struggles and continuing health issues BUT i have some hope that this may be my year. i have been trying to publish my manuscript since 2020 - i finally have found an english professor that actually wants more of me and my writing and literary views so with luck i will have a mentor and a published novel. i also feel like i may be a bit popular this year. the sun square asc aspect still indicates me being me though - i’m abrasive and literally only socialize when i must. venus square asc too i don’t feel like my first impression are gonna be that great or charming BUT THATS LIFE LOL. the pan sextile asc is giving public panic attack vibes and i am not here for it… lastly that paris opposite asc - am i helen this year? possibly? if i decide to date, will people be unable to look away - DEFINITELY! mostly because i never date and everyone always “assumes that i’m already with someone.” so it will definitely rock the boats.

2H IN LEO AT 23° (contains abundantia)

words that come to mind: budget, cash, voice, bets, courtship, astrology, society, and home.

my thoughts: i feel like i never truly content with the 2h *shrug* - the fact that i have some aquarian influence with that degree feels like the universe giving me back up. it doesn’t matter what i do so long as i am happy - money matters but at the same time i’m young and stupid so it doesn’t matter. i sense having a lot of spare change and having a roaring 20s type of time - just fun and games. if the group is happy so am i. i feel like whatever it is i am doing to get money positively effects my home and societal status BUT it feels pretty up in the air as to how it will effect my social and romantic realm perhaps i will be paying for others giving abundantia’s presence here (kinda in the same vein were people feel awkward when a friend pays for your things or your lover takes you on a date and you grab the tab before they can? ya know?).

3H IN VIRGO AT 18° (contains midas)

words that come to mind: written agreement, savvy, dictionaries, novels, rumors, signatures, first aid, fingers, food storage, nerve specialist, and uterus afflictions.

my thoughts: i feel great about the book indicators but horrifying by the health omens. not to mention the ruler being sickly virgo with abdominal issues and me having possibly DIE. seems like a hot about cold era. socially, i feel uprooted in terms of midas being here maybe as though i will be doing a lot of “short trips.” also as though socially i will receive both hate and adoration.

4H IN LIBRA AT 19° (contains sun, mercury, venus, ambrosia, and aphrodite)

words that come to mind: agriculture, ground, homestead, uterus, womb, art, love, music, poetry, unions, weddings, dead, reproductive systems, research, copper, surgery, ambition, power, wisdom, authors, book, confession, limericks, novelist, public speaking, companion, hope, hobbies, honeymoons, ovaries, and suitors.

my thoughts: just wanna say could this be the year - a libra house with venus in it?? could i possibly be dating someone?? that would be a first. i feel like for sure i’m going to start gardening that’s the vibe of fourth house ambrosia - you are like a naturally a green thumb i have never gardened before but i already have pepper seeds!! i also have a weird feeling that maybe i won’t be publishing the book i thought i would but instead i will be publishing poetry (mercury conjunct venus, mercury 27°, and a heavy lean on libra energy for this house) which is not necessarily shocking. not to keep harping in “non-medical” houses but this one is the womb - i wonder if (sorry if this is over sharing) my gyn is gonna tell me i have to be on birth control and i get a cooper IUD (copper is venus and libra ruled). that would lowkey piss me off but ambrosia here makes me think maybe i’d feel better. aphrodite here makes me think with balanced hormones i’d be hot lmfao - or this could be another romance symbol with all the libra and venus energy going on.

5H IN SCORPIO AT 25° (contains moon and frigga)

words that come to mind: magic, pelvis, poisonous plants, surgery, inflammation of womb, inflammation, pregnancy, romance, babies, breasts, childbirth, and fertility.

my thoughts: i read this a part of my chart and go hm - pregnancy scare? endometriosis? raspberry leaf tea? endoscopy?? any way i cut it it seem sus??? or this could have to do with me writing poetry again considering the moon’s presence. frigg here makes me think of pregnancy because she’s the mother. but it could also suggest romantic promise!

6H IN CAPRICORN AT 2° (contains pluto and huitzilopochtli)

words that come to mind: doctors, healing, order, ashes, black, clocks, contraction, depression, limitations, politics, profession, beauty, copper, profit, voice, bladder, regeneration, and sex organs.

my thoughts: i feel like this is like the last opportunity sign from the universe. i can get my shit together now and become my best self OR get really bad lol. it’s funny but it’s not because huitzilopochtli is just so energetic meanwhile we have contemplative, semi-hustler capricorn and slow moving pluto here - so this could go either way. given the ambrosia square saturn my best bet is likely food/diet. the square may indicate that i shouldn’t take it all upon myself to figure it out sooooo NOTED.

7H IN AQUARIUS AT 3° (contains saturn, amalthea, arachne, and paris)

words that come to mind: art, boyfriend, books, communication, debates, intelligence, journalism, proofreader, studies, writing, cramps, freethinker, friends, society, ambitious person, blindfold, doom, doubt, long lasting friendship, ink, jealousy, monogamy, loneliness, possessiveness, cold, time, tragedy, tradition, and winter.

my thoughts: the ruler is in the house :) perfect a relationship that is either gonna last or be toxic af considering it’s saturn lol. but we have to giggle little at this description he’s like paris - i’m the prettiest girl in his eyes, nurturing like amalthea, and talented like arachne. I KNOW WHO HE IS LMFAO - it’s the guy who sits next to me in class i am half curious if he is an aquarius. we are both nerds - he asked me to write a scholarly article with him. lol is that getting asked out? part of me says this connection is likely to further mature as winter sinks in.

8H IN AQUARIUS AT 23° (contains kleopatra)

words that come to mind: inheritance, occult, sex, sex organs, surgery, astrology, blood and circulation, cramps, and spirituality.

my thoughts: kleopatra huh??? *smirk* looks like an intimate relationship. i don’t really feel like i need to say the stuff i have said before as i see similar words arise in this category/house.

9H IN PISCES AT 18° (contains jupiter, neptune, and chiron)

words that come to mind: counselors, education, philosophical societies, long distance travel, university, writing, advisor, celebration, education, honor, luck, recommendations, writing, aesthetics, delusion, fantasy, fiction, mythology, poetry, editing, satire, studiousness, fictitious name, and self-undoing.

my thought: this is my year - i’m gonna graduate, jupiter 0° is 100% the vibe. but as for the rest neptune could be writing now that i am in the english program it could be telling that i am getting into it-into it. refer to 7h i really am working with him to create a scholarly paper so :) it’s doing somethin’. the self-undoing may be my own fault in terms of anxiety :/ OH WELL WHAT ELSE IS NEW - i kid you not i’m not like “i have butterflies in my stomach” anxious i am “i skipped class tuesday-thursday this week because i got paranoid that i was going to vomit in my class in front of my peers and i wouldn’t recover from that” anxious.

10H IN ARIES AT 19° (contains uranus and north node)

words that come to mind: achievements, authority, career, cramps, curiosity, change, freedom, freelance, romance, freethinking, shock, writing, courage, energy, affection, companions, friendliness, partnership, and poet.

my thoughts: i’m not getting a traditional job - i’m taking 6 months off to do whatever i want and that likely means freelance which is uranus vibes mixing with the libra degree. the freelance stuff could be very critical to me as a person as well as the forward movement in my careers to come. whatever it is has me talking and writing A LOT given the tight orb between the ruler mars and the planet mercury.

11H IN TAURUS AT 25° (contains mars, agamemnon, odysseus, and pan)

words that come to mind: acquaintanceship, companionship, working ability, adventure, aggressor, ambition, challenge, chemistry, contest, fearlessness, fights, inflammation, love/passion, men, participation, courage, dancing, wealth, and voice.

my thoughts: it’s gonna be an odd friendship year seems competitive given mars, pan, and agamemnon - all of these objects are competitive or have critical competitions within their myth. odysseus could indicate some travel with friends or becoming the last man standing - we should recall that odysseus came back home and only had two people who he could actually trust and having zero crew-mates left. given this is societal interaction house of things this could be a romantic or passionate light for me to stand in given - mars and taurus. the ruler in the 4h could indicate me being a hostess and opening my doors to others.

12H IN CANCER AT 3°

words that come to mind: anxiety, books, breathing, literature, manuscripts, restlessness, homemaking, and uterus.

my thoughts: health anxiety. and escapism via reading, writing, and cookings lol YEP THATS ABOUT RIGHT LOL.

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© a-d-nox 2022 all rights reserved

[thenixkat]

HCs and OCs for a fic

Toyomitsu family: Descended from one of the first giant mutants in Japan. Tend to have monster or animal related transformation quirks in addition to being huge. Own farmland and forested areas all over the Kansai region. The family founded the Devil’s Market yakuza group which has been extremely long-running and focused on buying and selling illicit goods, general goods, and general supplies and labor for larger people. A Toyomitsu has been either the boss or first lieutenant of the Devil’s Market for as long as it’s existed. They had to move out of their Osaka base when All For One set up shop, their current main base of operations is in Esuha city. The family also runs a franchise of butcher shops across most of Japan under the name of Oni Meats which carries a vast selection of animal protein from around the world. Nearly all members of the family have prey drives from their monstrous transformations.

Ma- Manami- (Quirk) Bugbear- transformation quirk. If the user is sufficiently fat then they can transform into a hybrid bear/reptile monster. Has great senses and night vision as well as enhanced strength. Can induce fear by staring someone directly in the eyes. -->Prefers not to be involved with the less legal dealings of the family and Devil’s Market. She’s more than capable of being as much of if not more a terrifying mob boss than her little brother. She just likes farming better. -->Generally doesn’t look people in the eyes unless she doesn’t like them b/c her terror-inducing power stays active regardless of her form. She prefers not to scare folks who don’t deserve it. -->Gets on very well with her sister-in-law, if she wasn’t married she’d steal her brother’s wife. -->Met her husband in a fighting ring. She eviscerated him with her claws and he broke one of her arms and several of her ribs. They started talking while getting patched up. -->Is about 7’10” and built like a well-padded brick house. -->Is the one who judges new recruits into the gang. Tends to have them do farm work for at least a month to get a bead on their personalities.

Pa- Noel ‘Blue Devil’ Diablo nee Toyomitsu- (Quirk) Energy absorption- emitter quirk. Can absorb, temporarily store, and redirect kinetic/thermal/electric energy. Too much energy kept in the body for too long causes reckless and impulsive behavior and hyperactivity. Devil- mutant quirk. Has devil-like horns and a tail. -->Used to be a nomad b4 settling down with his strong beautiful wife. Supported himself on his travels with fighting, gambling, handyman skills, and musical skills. -->Brings nothing to the table in his household other than his good looks, good nature, and knack for fixing things and a broad range of skills. -->Holding in excess energy makes him glow blue, especially his horns. -->Loves his family just so much. Is the goofy dad and great flirty husband. -->Loved to carry his kids until they got waaaay too big for him to pick up. Stands on a char to talk to his kids and wife on their level. B/c they are just so damn tall. -->Is 6 ft tall with a strong build with very little body fat b/c of a side effect of his quirk. He gets cold easily b/c of this and it bothers his joints.

Grandpa- Ryuji ‘The Dragon/ Dread Emperor of Giants’ - (Quirk) Dragon- transformation quirk. Can transform into an eastern dragon or humanoid eastern dragon with the severity of the transformation depending on percentage of body fat. Can also control the weather. -->Controlling the weather means that his farms never have a bad year. He does sell this service on the black market through the Devil’s Market. -->Wanted to be a hero when he was young and stopped when his mom got sent to jail for vigilantism and murder for stopping a serial killer from preying on women in the community -->Retired after a betrayal from some too ambitious underlings lead to a crippling knee injury. Still acts as a source of wisdom for the family and the gang. -->Is the go-to babysitter. -->Prefers to be in his transformed state and hates the anti-public quirk use laws with a passion. -->His full dragon form is as long as a bus and can fly. His humanoid dragon form/human form (sans antlers) is 8’5”

Grandma- Akane- (Quirk) None. -->An ex-mercenary who beat Ryuji in his prime AND in his full dragon form with nothing but some rope and her bare hands. -->Very good with guns and knives -->Takes advantage of the fact that as a plump quirkless woman she tends to get overlooked by people with powers to end fuckers. -->Was the one who got rid of the over-ambitious underlings who attempted a coup against her husband. -->Is about 5’10”, very chubby, wears glasses, and is rather soft-spoken. -->Is an icon to the quirkless members of the Devil’s Market and teaches them how to fight people with powers.

Uncle- Wani ‘The Butcher’- (Quirk) Crocodilian- transformation quirk. Similar to grandpa but crocodile instead of dragon. Has a great sense of smell and hearing as well as night vision. Is bulletproof at full strength. -->A strong proponent of community defense to the point where more people came to him about community issues than go to police or heroes. He gets problems handled permanently. -->Also heavily invested in technology and occult studies to see if there was a way to make life easier for people -->Also prefers to be in his transformed state -->Caught and ate 3 quirk diagnosing doctors in the area who were trafficking children into human experimentation. Managed to rescue most of the kids. -->Was arrested and sent to Tartarus for a string of killing corrupt cops and heroes fucking around in his neighborhood. His family often visits him. -->Fell for his wife when she bet him she could drink him under the table with the loser paying the tab. She won. -->Is about 8 ft tall and at least half as wide b4 going to jail. In prison he rapidly lost weight, the family is planning a jailbreak.

Auntie- Jay ‘Jaybird/Hummingbird’ Johnson nee Toyomitsu- (Quirk) Fast Twitch- emitter quirk. A speedster type. Can move and think at superhuman speeds for a few minutes at a time every hour. Has a very high metabolism and needs to consume large amounts of food in general. -->Was a villain before settling down. Still pulls off a robbery every now and then and has a fondness for gems. -->A Black American who came to Japan to hide from law enforcement after a heist gone wrong. -->Thinks that the way people throw the word villain around to just about any fucker committing any kind of crime while using a quirk really dilutes the word. Thinks that villains need fun costumes and proper themes and intent. -->Her sister-in-law was one of the first women she’s ever met who never criticized her eating habits and she would kill for the other woman. Ride or die friendship. -->Is constantly hungry due to her speedster metabolism and has to eat a lot. -->About 5’8” and leggy with plenty of visible muscle.

Sister- Onini ‘Oni/Gargoyle’- (Quirk) Gargoyle- transformation quirk. Can transform into a stone-skinned gargoyle with the severity of the transformation being dependant on amount of body fat. Heat Sink- emitter quirk. Can absorb, store, and release thermal energy. -->Tried to become a hero but was bullied out of school -->Named after one of her mom’s friends -->Considers cousin Kenji to be effectively one of her brothers -->Became a firefighter and uses her quirks on the job even tho it’s illegal. Not like the people she’s saving are gonna complain. -->Tends to flirt with strong women. -->Actually tends to stay partially transformed b/c she likes having a tail and passes herself off as a mutant -->If she gets too hungry and loses control she can become a heat vampire and freeze things to death while feeding on their body heat. -->Spends a lot of time helping out on the farm and her mother is most likely to pass ownership of the family land to her once she retires. -->The most likely person in her generation of the family to have biological kids. --->Keeps teasing Fatgum about when he’s gonna officially adopt his interns. -->Is about 7’5” and technically is too heavy to fly but she glides pretty well.

Cousin- Kenjiro ‘Kenji/Ken/Shuten’- (Quirk) Fast Oni- transformation quirk. Can transform into an oni with enhanced speed and strength. Transforming causes his metabolism to speed up and he burns fat to stay in oni form. Has a speedster metabolism in regular form, if he doesn’t eat a substantial meal every 5 hours he starts losing weight (fat and muscle) rapidly and is consequently always hungry. -->Would love to stay in his transformed form but can’t due to the timer. -->Is jealous of Taishiro’s height and metabolism so he makes fun of the way Tai’s face looks when he’s transformed. Also jealous of Onini’s ability to not be constantly hungry. -->Is constantly hungry from the day his quirk came in and had to take appetite suppressants during puberty to keep from losing his head and chowing down on anything and anyone in reach during his growth spurts. -->Has been mistaken for Fatgum more than once due to their similar-ish size and clothing choices. It frustrates him to no end b/c he’s way darker than Tai and prefers wearing blue or white. -->Has intentionally eaten people. Most notable example being him ending a war with a rival yakuza group by capturing, butchering, and cooking the rival leader and openly serving him for dinner at the peace treaty/gang merger. -->Strongly supports Fatgum as a hero and the two combine resources to help the community whether that is through funding housing for the homeless or getting a very good tailor the resources to make clothing for specific clientele or sending the other to deal with a situation appropriately. -->Brings a knife to a gunfight b/c he’s a superstrong speedster and a gun ain’t go do shit if you ain’t got no hands. -->Thinks Overhaul is a stupid asshole b/c it’s not that hard to get blood out of a kid or train a kid to be ok with it. -->Is about 7’10” and has heard every short joke under the sun from Tai

Fatgum-Taishiro ‘Tai’- (Quirk) Fat Absorption- Transformation quirk into an uncanny valley cartoony blob man that is as strong as the amount of body fat he has. Can absorb, neutralize, or release kinetic energy. Eyes glow in the dark like a cartoon when his quirk is active. Has a great sense of taste and is incapable of feeling sated/is always hungry. Also has an extremely efficient digestive system that breaks food down in seconds. Can also convert fat into muscle as well as generally having enhanced strength and speed while transformed. -->Was a late bloomer. His quirk didn’t start coming in till he was 8 and it took a while b4 he was fat enough for it to have notable effects. -->Preferred being in his skinnier form during middle and high school due to bullying and self-esteem issues that he didn’t work through until his early twenties. -->Started high school at 5’7” (170 cm) at 14 yrs old and was 8’2 (250 cm) when he graduated at 18 yrs old. Puberty was hell and pants were his enemy. -->Had a friend in hero support who took it as a personal challenge to make him clothing that he couldn’t destroy, that would grow and shrink with him, and that he couldn’t outgrow heightwise either. Ended up inventing ‘indestructible pants’ and making bank. -->Does not have canine teeth due to a mutation related to his quirk. Does have several rows of teeth that can replace themselves like a shark’s due to the same mutation. The fuckery of his mouth is only really noticeable if he’s ‘stretching’/pushing his transformation to its fullest extent or if someone’s feeling around inside of his mouth for whatever reason. -->Does not have a gag reflex -->Has been constantly hungry since his quirk emerged and like Kenji had to take appetite suppressants during his growth spurts to keep control of himself. An asshole classmate once replaced his appetite suppressants with appetite stimulants to see what happens. Several people ended up hospitalized, Taishiro still has nightmares about it and said asshole student actually managed to get expelled. Has a restraining order against said asshole classmate who fucked off to England to be a hero there. -->Is so glad he’s done growing. Went through clothes like water when he was a teen. -->Going several days without getting enough calories in tends to activate his prey drive and he really doesn’t like that b/c heroes shouldn’t murder or maul people. Figured out this aspect when he mauled a bully after his quirk just came in and later during a survival training exercise in hero school in which he ended up eating a live bear after several days of living on trail rations (scared his teammates for life with that one). -->A lot of aspects of his costume with the bright colors and friendly mannerisms is to reduce the intimidation factor/terrifying aspects of his appearance. He is aware that in his transformed state he’s a giant uncanny valley cartoony egg man monster that can fucking absorb people into his body. -->While transformed his limb, mouth, and eye proportions are extremely fluid and change nearly at will. If he wants to his face can be entirely mouth, which he knows is terrifying to other people. His arms and legs can rubber hose it though they aren’t as strong when he does that, does mean he can grab from angles that shouldn’t be possible. -->Was bullied as a kid for being ‘quirkless’ b4 his quirk manifested and then he was bullied for being fat. It did a number on his self-esteem as a teen leading him to prefer using his thinner form as his default. -->His thinner form was considered a heartthrob in school to his frustration. Didn’t mean he didn’t take advantage of the fact people found him hot to make money or flirt a free lunch off of someone. Was in a hot guy calendar made and distributed by one of his classmates. -->It absolutely gets on his nerves when people only find his skinny form attractive. -->After graduation, he lost muscle b/c that starter hero paycheck ain’t shit and the Hero Commission refused to let him write off food costs as business expenses. Had to save his food money for patrols leading to him losing weight. -->Participated in underground fighting rings to both make some money on the side and get better at using his quirk -->Has tried Trigger b4 and carries a small vial of the good version of it just in case he really needs it one day. (Listen, you ain’t finding shit trying to pat down fucking Fatgum) -->While transformed the absorbing things into him thing is automatic, put too much pressure on the flabbier parts of his body and you’ll just sink in. It takes effort to release things and took him a while to learn how to do this as a kid. Before he learned how to release things, he’d just turn off his quirk to get things out of him. -->Was blackmailed into working for the cops after getting caught during a raid of one of the fighting rings he was participating in. Decided to be a double agent and give away info on cases to the Devil’s Market to help them stay ahead of the cops. Also blew a decent chunk of the Osaka police force’s budget on his feeding since they wanted to use him. Ultimately this is what caused the police to break their partnership with him b/c he was too damn expensive to keep on the payroll. -->Once he became decently popular he and the Devil’s Market started funding a superhero trade school to get people who otherwise wouldn’t be able to get into hero schools for various reasons trained up and educated enough to get a hero license. -->As a hero he just doesn’t enforce the dumber laws like anti-public quirk use laws b/c who cares if people use their quirks if they aren’t hurting anyone. Also prefers not to label criminals as villains unless they’ve done some truly heinous shit b/c he knows that villains get harsher punishments in the justice system. Is also a strong proponent for rehabilitation for criminals. -->Once got caught in a scandal where he and a close friend and classmate managed to get a quirkless friend of theirs enrolled in their hero school with the help of a hacker. It took months for the school to catch on, during which said quirkless friend excelled in the hero classes. Fatgum and his friend nearly got expelled when caught. Later he helps that quirkless friend get a provisional hero license to become Japan’s first quirkless hero. -->From his family history, to his accent, to his size, to his ancestry Fatgum got torn apart by the media when he first started making waves. It took years but his image as a fun friendly beloved hero won out over ‘loose canon with criminal ties who’ll probably turn villain any day now’ -->Most of his sidekicks are folks he knew in his underground fighting days or rehabilitated criminals. Sidekicks and interns from actual hero schools are picked based on both potential as well as ‘how well can you bend the law/see in shades of grey instead of black and white?’. Essentially interning with Fatgum is a long process of unlearning propaganda and a practical application of morality on a case by case basis. -->Is aware of the hornier corners of his fandom and doesn’t know how to get them to understand that death via snusnu is not a way they want to go out (“How do you know this?” “...No comment.”) and telling them that they would def either die or require medical attention only makes them hornier. He finds it distressing and tries to avoid these people. -->Only found out that his name and birthday were puns when he was in middle school. He was not pleased. His parents had a blast since they were waiting for him to figure it out. -->When transformed his face, hands, feet, knees, and elbows are the most vulnerable parts of his body. Hence the leg armor (and occasionally arm armor). -->Due to his size, he’s got a few glaring blind spots, the main one being that he simply can’t see past his belly when looking down. He has tripped over short people b4 b/c of this. At least one of his friends from school would take advantage of this when he was in his larger form to sneak up on him.

[isnt-that-something]

Tumblr is WACK yo

ALLLLLLRIGHT. So we all know this site can be a little wacked out at times, sometimes things are just broken and we accept it and move on. Some things though, with a whole lotta Google searching can be fixed.

So I’m sure we’ve all had a few accounts that we follow but for whatever stars forsaken reason, Tumblr in all it’s wisdom made it to where the page cannot be opened in a new tab but only through a subpar sneak peek at the page on your dashboard. Which wouldn’t be a big deal besides this means YOU CANNOT SEND ASKS TO THAT BLOG (at least from PC I have heard it is different for mobile users).

I have had trouble with some blogs since I opened my page or followed someone, but had written it off... until one blog I interact with regularly suddenly disappeared. I’ll stop rambling now and show you how we fixed it.

First you need to get into your pages Settings. IMPORTANT NOTE: It must be your Page’s Settings, NOT your Dashboards. (Why Tumblr doesn’t have ALL setting options in one place I will never know.)

So click that sucker riiiight there. Then Scroll all the way down to the Visibility Section.

Make sure BOTH those toggles are turned off and gray and Bob’s your Uncle! Hopefully then more people will be able to see and interact with your blog.

That’s my Tumblr PSA for the day. Thanks for coming to my TedTalk™. I hope this is helpful to others.

[earthnashes]

FnF Lore: Spirits

After all the recent questions I got regarding the Spirits from my FnF project, here's a worldbuilding post focused on them! I did this earlier before, but this one includes a lot of updated lore and stuff, and will eventually include some artwork in the future. Please keep note though that this is still in the process of being developed and is subject to some changes/additions! <:

So given how long it got I’ll be putting the rest of the info below the “keep reading” tab. As a quick summary, this goes into detail about a Spirit’s appearance, how their magic and Tethers work, snippets of their culture and society, some fun facts, and so on! If you have any questions about them afterward feel free to ask, but otherwise I hope it makes for a fun read! <:

Intro:

Spirits are a supernatural race that are native to an alternate but connected realm (appropriately named the Spirit Realm) in the universe of Feathers and Flowers. While exposure to them varies widely throughout the world, it’s universal knowledge that they exist and are very much real.

Magic and Tethers:

-As a supernatural race, Spirits are inherently magical beings that have soul-bindingly deep connections to the Mortal realm. These connections are part of their core existence and what allows them such fantastical abilities, but it also serves as a great weakness that, should it be exploited, can heavily compromise a Spirit. This will be explained a little later in the "lifespan" section. 

-In the meantime: these connections Spirits have to the Mortal realm are called "Tethers". While what a Spirit is connected to and their specific nuance is unique to the individual, every Spirit has only 3 specific Tethers: 1 animal, 1 element, 1 domain (sometimes interchanged with biome). Each category of Tether has subcategories that a Spirit typically falls into. These categories are generally simplified into what follows:

Animals:

-Birds, Fish, Reptiles, Mammals, Amphibians, Invertebrates

 Elements:

-Water, Fire, Geo, Flora, Air 

Domain/Biome:

-Sky, Forest, Aquatic, Desert, Grassland, Tundra 

A Spirit's Tethers will often correlate with one another. For example: A Spirit's Tethers being Fish, element Water, and their biome Pond. Another example with more nuance: animal Jaguar, element Flora, biome Rainforest.

-------------

Lifespan and Death:

- Spirits are a long-living race, and while documented to live upwards to several hundred years, it's assumed they may have the capacity to be "ageless". This is thought to be the case due to the existence of Cryptids. Cryptids (otherwise known as Greater Spirits) are spirits who have existed for vast extended periods of time, sometimes even transcending the invention of written documentation. There are few Cryptids in existence however, and that's because no Spirit is immune to death despite their seeming agelessness.

The very same thing that gives them their otherworldly magical properties is also a core source to their weakness. Being Tethered to the Mortal Realm means Spirits are extremely vulnerable to the changes of said realm. For example, a Spirit tethered to a lake will become ill if their lake is polluted and often will not recover from the illness until the pollution is mostly, if not entirely, eradicated. Using the same example, if that Spirit's lake is gutted and overall destroyed beyond healing, their Tether to that lake will be broken, and that will leave a Spirit permanently damaged.

A broken Tether can be likened to losing a limb, or an organ, and while a Spirit may be able to survive one broken Tether it's unheard of for a Spirit to survive two. When two or more Tethers are broken, this generally means a fate worse than death: they become Lost.

A Lost is a Spirit who have had their tethers broken and, as a result, become empty, ghostly husks of themselves. The unstable magic within them burn away their skin and eyes, leaving behind a ghostly glow in the cracks and sockets, and they have a consistent, ethereal smoke wafting from their bodies as they move; they were documented to smell like burning ozone. Basically a spirit version of a zombie, they wander across both realms and are extremely dangerous to anyone, driven by instinct and the mindless insatiable hunger to fill the void in the wake of their broken Tethers. They are likely the source of soul-devouring myths in this world.

Lost are, thankfully, extremely rare occurrences, especially in the current time, and the few that remain are remnants of an old bygone era.

Outside of that, a Spirit can succumb to illness and wounds should they be serious enough. It is a common practice (expected even) in Spirit culture to cremate the dead.

-------------

Appearance and Biology:

Spirits vary widely in appearance, which is largely due to the influence their Tethers have on them. Generally, the Tether that influences their appearance the most is the Animal Tether, which usually determines any extra-ordinary features they may have, including but not limited to: fur, scales, spikes, wings, tail, even as far as extra pairs of arms (most amount documented is 3 pairs), so on. But overall, all Spirits have a few common characteristics throughout the entirety of their race. All Spirits are humanoid in appearance, anatomy, and stature, and all Spirits on average are over 8ft tall; they can be likened to being real living "giants" so to speak. Another factor that all Spirits harbor are horns; the appearance of the horn and how many may vary (two is the most common, but there's been documents of one horn or upwards to six) but it's a guaranteed attribute.

Another common attribute that is unique to Spirits are their flanging voices, which essentially means they have "two voices". Spirits speak as if they’re using two separate voices, one clear and the other quieter, almost “growly” or rumbling and echoing behind the clear voice's words, sometimes not even fully forming the words in question; it’s often described as quiet thunder rolling. The flange carries into any language the Spirit speaks, so they sound strange even when speaking a human language.

Despite their overall similar anatomy to humans, Spirits don't have the capacity to reproduce. It's an overall mystery how Spirits come to be, even to themselves, and there are many theories made to try and answer that question, but the only absolutely known and documented fact either side has is Spirits seem to originate and are "birthed" from what is known as "The Heart of the World". A Leyline that sits in what’s considered the center of the Spirit Realm, all newborn Spirits originate from this sacred location, materializing into the world as a very young child.

Spirit children have longer childhoods than mortal children and can take upwards to 40-60 years to fully mature into young adults, but once puberty is over their physical aging begins to slow to a crawl.

Given their longevity, Spirits often look much younger than what their age intel, however Spirits can become elderly. Reaching old age is a sign of wisdom, strength, and adaptivity, and the elderly are highly respected and valued members of Spirit culture, especially given how long it'd take to reach old age and managing to survive long enough to do so.

Every Cryptid in existence is outright ancient in every sense of the word, considered very old even to the long-living Spirits, so much so that they are almost seen like demigods to both the Spirit and Mortal realm.

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Culture and Society:

-Spirits are largely known to be generally peaceful as a race. There have been strong tensions between humans and Spirits in the long-forgotten past, specifically the Witch Hunt period, but even if that left the Spirits with a more cautious mindset toward humans, they both coexist peacefully in modern times.

-With how deeply bonded they are with the Mortal realm, Spirits are generally seen as guardians of nature; it's very common for Spirits to take frequent voyages to the mortal realm in order to visit the subjects of their Tethers to ensure its well-being.

-Spirits have their own native language, which is entirely unique to them and incredibly difficult for humans to speak due to the flange in their voices. Spirits are, however, encouraged to learn human languages, specifically the language of which their Biome tether is native to.

-Given the inability to reproduce, a Spirit's meaning of "family" is different in comparison to mortals. Spirits consider the near entirety of their race a form of extended family, and as such they often refer to each other, even strangers, as "kin".

The Heart of the World, the location in which Spirit children are "born", is a highly sacred location; no visiting mortal is allowed to enter nor know of its location, despite knowing of its existence, while ordinary Spirits are allowed to know of its location however must be granted special permission to enter. It is consistently guarded and tended to throughout all hours of the day, and when a child is "born" they are taken care of within the temple (known as the Nursery) before they are brought to a community to be given permanent guardians. The adoptive parent question is often chosen in collaboration between the priests of the Heart and the heads of the clan.

While spirit children are given officially named guardians, it's common for the community to band together in raising them. They in turn tend to have large families, consisting of multiple mothers and fathers, many siblings and cousins, several uncles and aunts. It's rare for a spirit to be isolated or without some form of family.

-Due to the density of magic in the Spirit realm and their inhabitants' reliance on it, technology is something more primitive in comparison to mortal technology. That said, the magic in this realm more than compensates for the slow advancement, easily able to fit the needs of the Spirits.

-While the Spirit Realm has no true central or over-ruling government to speak of, their societal structure remains relatively the same throughout. Large community groups are often formed as Clans or Tribes, and they generally hold the same hierarchy in each:

The entire tribe is typically under the loose leadership of a Jarl, and while the entire community is seen as the Jarl's "advisers" they a handful of community chosen individuals to act as their council. Each separate clan has similar cultural beats that they share, but overall each clan is unique with their own ways of life and beliefs.

The only form of central authority over the entirety of the Spirit Realm is the Heart of the World. Not only does it house the birthplace of all Spirits, it is the home of the clan that protects the area. The clan consists of no Jarls and instead is under the leadership of 6 Elder Spirits, all of which are considered a Cryptid. The remaining members of the clan are all priests/priestesses that tend to the Nursery, and while they are the smallest clan in the Spirit Realm they are by far the most well respected and seen with the highest regard. If at any point the other clans want to meet on true neutral grounds, they ask the Heart for temporary residence upon the sacred lands they guard.

-------------

Additional funfacts:

-All Spirits can transform into a huge animalistic monster. This "monster" form's appearance and size is mostly influenced by the Tethers the Spirit has and, as such, widely varies. However, they all share the common similarity that they retain their horns despite transformation, and their monster form holds some sort of bone motif in its appearance.

-The importance on hair is seen throughout all of Spirit culture. Hair is generally seen as more than just something that grows on your head, but is instead a significant part of the body, though how that significance translates may differ between the tribes. Haircare rituals are an integral part of everyday life and is often done in the privacy of the home. Unless given explicit permission from both the child and named guardian, the hair of children tended to only by their parent(s) until the beginnings of puberty, in which case they are given the responsibility to do so themselves. Touching another's hair, including the act of caring for the hair, is an act of intimacy and a deep show of trust, and is often performed between those who are close to one another, such as family, friends, or partners.

               -Given their deep connection to the mortal realm and their peaceful coexistence, it’s very common for humans to revere Spirits and welcome them with open arms. This goes by way of offering gifts or, in some cases, building monuments and shrines in their honor. Nowadays, one of the many ways humans patronize Spirits is, indeed, in way of stores and services specifically tailored to them. This includes:

               -Communal bathhouses and spas dedicated to helping Spirits relax and replenish

               -Clothing stores that specialize in outfits for Spirits, especially important since its common for a Spirit to be over 8ft tall in their human form (they’re semi-giant in this form)

               -Mana/Sorcerer shops that specialize in alchemy (scientific magic) that could aid Spirits’ various needs, including medicines and charms

-Leylines are the term used for the seams in which the Mortal realm and the Spirit realm connect and overlap. A sort of "inbetween", think of it as the space in which holds the two realms together. While humans can't cross into the Spirit realm without assistance or guidance, a Spirit use these without issue and utilize them as their means to travel to the mortal realm. There are a few known Leyline systems that are named and have built a sort of economy around it, including the likes of towns, rest stops, hotels, restaurants, and so forth, most of which is usually catered to fulfilling the needs of a Spirit in travel. Other lesser known Leyline systems may only have a small shrine built near to house offerings for any Spirit that come across them, and then there are several Leyline networks that are generally unknown about.

-Many of the creatures in human folklore can be safely assumed to had been a Spirit, back when before their existence became common knowledge. In fact, the term "Cryptid" is a human word the spirits simply began using to describe the oldest Spirits in known existence. One such example is the Loch Ness Monster: she is one of the largest and oldest Spirits known, and she frequents the Loch Ness so much because it's her biome Tether. She is a survivor of a broken Tether as well, having been connected to the long extinct dinosaurs. Tourists come far and wide in hopes of seeing not just Nessie, but others of these "myths", and as such frequently visit spaces of which they're thought to roam.

-While this doesn't happen often, it has been documented that Spirit with a broken Tether form another bond in its place with something similar. The bond isn't something that a Spirit can force and only happens if their magic adapts itself to do so, but the new bond forged in the broken one's place won't nearly be as strong. In contrast, some Spirits who've experienced a broken Tether may feel their other two more acutely; this is due to the magic connected to the lost Tether adapting to repurpose itself into the remain two. That said, neither adaption is guaranteed to happen, and all spirits with a broken tether report feeling something similar to phantom pains and being acutely aware of the loss regardless.

-Despite the frequent visits and extended stays in the Mortal realm, it isn't common for Spirits to actively live in the mortal realm.

-Animals are the only mortal creatures that are able to travel between realms without aid, unlike humans who must be guided in and out. This feeds into the belief that animals have a supernatural connection to the world, in which case is only somewhat true in this universe.

-Witches are mortals with magical abilities like that of Spirits, and as such feel a sense of kinship. Unlike Spirits however, Witches typically only have one Tether (most often an element or an animal, never a biome), and their magic is generally much weaker than that of a Spirit's. As such, aside from basic magic casting, Witches often require a conduit to channel their magic properly, however what that conduit is depends entirely on the Witch.

[jjonassevilla]

“What’s a good conversion rate for my landing page?” [New AI-Backed Research]

Imagine you’re an ecommerce business using landing pages to sell sweaters for miniature pigs. Recently, you’ve done a round of A/B testing—adding a little more oink to your calls to action, let’s say—and tweaked your social ad targeting to reach the hardcore piggy people on Instagram. 

After all your optimization efforts, your landing pages now convert at 3.57%. 

But actually…even if it’s a big improvement against your personal baseline, how do you know you should stop there? How do you know that your hard-earned conversion rate is worth celebrating? Heck, how would you even know if a 30% conversion rate is any good for pages in your industry? (Maybe everyone’s getting a fat return off of pig sweaters but you.)

It’s hard to be confident in the numbers when you don’t know how everybody else is doing. Doubt settles in. Maybe you’re missing out on reaching your conversion potential without even knowing it.

Well, we feel your pain. That’s why, at Unbounce, we’re on a continuing mission to answer the big question for you. It’s the one we hear time and again from our customers:

“What’s a good, bad, or average conversion rate for my landing pages?” 

That’s where industry benchmarks come in—and that’s why we’re thrilled to bring you a fresh (and free) new version of our Conversion Benchmark Report. 

Benchmarks can energize your digital marketing strategy in three big ways:

They’re a form of competitive intelligence. They help you identify gaps between your performance and what the rest of your industry considers to be a good conversion rate. 

Our benchmarks reveal data-supported best practices, and you’ll waste less time and traffic testing unproven optimizations that our machine learning analysis shows don’t necessarily work. 

They help you build a culture of continuous improvement in your organization. It’s harder for your marketing team to be happy with “just okay” if they’re seeing something to strive for.

Sure, some folks like to pooh-pooh industry benchmarking—“Why should I care how other marketers are converting? Why don’t I just focus on how I’m doing?”—but they’re your best window into what success really looks like. Going forward blindly, when you could have both eyes on the prize, is just silly. Oh, and these benchmarks were generated with help from an honest-to-goodness AI crunching millions of conversions, so the results are far more reliable than the anecdotal best practices often found online. As part of the Unbounce Conversion Intelligence approach to digital marketing, these machine-derived insights help you pair your hard-earned expertise with AI to create the highest-converting campaigns of your career.

Introducing the 2020 Conversion Benchmark Report

This year’s Conversion Benchmark Report uses machine learning to assist our data team in analyzing 186.9 million visits to 34,132 Unbounce-built landing pages. In terms of sample size, we analyzed more visits to these pages than the populations of Canada, Hong Kong, Mexico, Laos, and Ireland combined. 

For full context, the previous (2017) version of this report was also built on machine learning insights, but in three years we’ve refined our approach to provide tons more real, proprietary customer data to feed the machine. Now we have even better, more reliable outputs—as well as a few new ways to break down our findings, like by conversion goal. (These are boundaries we’re going to keep pushing, too.)

But what kind of info does the report contain? For one thing, you’ll find median conversion rates broken down to 16 key industries. In many cases, we’ve got wide enough sample sizes to sort them into subcategories too, so you can see how your brother’s pest control service measures up against your sister’s HVAC company. (Or how your uncle’s cybersecurity software converts against your great aunt’s cloud accounting platform.)

The Conversion Benchmark Report includes 16 industries broken down into dozens of subcategories.

Why do we report on median instead of average (mean)? Our goal is to provide you with a realistic picture of where you stand, so this year’s report lists median conversion rates as our measure of central tendency instead of the mean. We found this reduces the impact of outliers (like pages that convert five times better than the rest) on the final benchmarks.

Not clear enough? Then imagine you want to find out, on average, how many eyes people have. The median tells us they have two eyes. According to the mean, though, they have slightly less than two. Because outliers (people with one or fewer eyes) bring that number down.

Both these measures are correct, but which one would you prefer to rely on if your business is selling sunglasses?

What if your industry doesn’t appear in the report? For this year’s report, we’ve tried to be even more representative. With machine learning helping us to sort thousands of landing pages in a logical way, we’ve increased the number of industries covered from 10 to 16, and we’ve even added subcategories whenever sample sizes allow.

If you still don’t see yourself represented, though, compare your conversion rates to industries with similar audiences and conversion goals. While we don’t actually recommend comparisons between very unrelated industries (except for fun), let your judgment be your guide. 

A note on COVID-19. The conversion data in this report comes from 2019, so we realize it shows norms that have been disrupted for some vulnerable industries—like travel, events and leisure, restaurants, and medical practitioners. These benchmarks show what you can expect in stable periods, and they provide insights about how your visitors typically behave (and why they convert). We hope they’ll help you set up your digital campaigns for success—and inspire your rebound. If you face uncertainty, though, please also check out the COVID-19 Small Business Care Package for a roundup of useful resources to help lessen the impact on your business.

Below, I go into more detail about the findings and insights we’ve been able to pull from them. But if you’ve got an itchy mouse-finger, you can jump right into the Conversion Benchmark Report now. (It’ll open in a new tab.)

Going beyond the benchmarks

Benchmarks are tremendously helpful, for all the reasons I talked about above. (If you work for an agency, you know this already. They’re a baller way of showing the value of what you do—and helping clients determine their true conversion potential.) 

How do I best communicate with my target audience? 

In copywriting circles, the received wisdom is that clarity comes above all else. If you’re looking to put up the fewest hurdles possible between audience and offer, it can make sense to keep your vocabulary basic and your sentences tight and untangled.

Our data, however, complicates this equation. Is simple always better? Nope. It turns out that different industries tend to convert more often at different reading levels (and some see weaker relationships between conversion rates and readability than others). 

There are even cases in which it’s good to sound sophisticated. B2B companies offering lead-gen consulting or instruction, for instance, appear to benefit from more challenging language. We see a drop in conversion rates as pages become easier to understand. (Frankly, that’s not what we expected.)

When it comes to reading ease, pages for lead-gen consultants appear to benefit from being harder to read.

Our machine learning analysis enabled us to look at copy from 34 thousand pages. Each page is assigned a Flesch reading ease score based on the average number of syllables per word and words per sentence. More syllables and more words means more…harder.

Here’s roughly how the scoring breaks down:

What’s the perf word length for my landing pages?

While it’s true that shorter pages tend to convert better, many industries have sweet spots that break the rule—which means, if you’re going to create a long-form landing page, you should go this long. This is especially true in the wild territories beyond 200 words, where unexpected correlations between length and conversion rate have led many a marketer astray.

At what length do landing pages for family services convert best? The graph provides answers.

Depending on your offer and industry, you may find that you need to use more words to get your point across, but graphs like the one above can let you know what’s ideal. For family services, that’s 300-500 words (if you can’t get it shorter than 150 words). For other industries, it can be more or less. Whatever the case, creating variants based on our findings can definitely be a good candidate for A/B testing or Smart Traffic.

What emotions might relate to better conversion rates?

You likely know in your gut that people’s feelings can impact their decision to buy, but which ones actually drive conversions on your landing pages? To find out, we ran an ML-powered sentiment analysis that looked at emotion-associated words that might relate to healthy conversion rates—and which might even be slowing you down. 

(Spoiler: using trust words isn’t always advisable. “Trust us.”)

For SaaS, the concentration of anticipation words on a landing page correlates with its conversion rate.

When it comes to SaaS conversions, for instance, it turns out that language that conveys anticipation (words like gradual, highest, improve, and launch) sometimes correlates with better conversion rates. Or, to put it another way: as we find more of these words, we also often tend to see better conversion performance.

You can explore this example, and many others, in the report.

A good conversion rate is one you can improve upon.

When it comes down to brass tacks, all this benchmarking is valuable insofar as you can use it to build a better conversion machine from what you learn. How do you do it?

Explore the insights in this report. The report is broken down into 16 industries. How are your landing pages stacking up against the baseline? Are you way out ahead? Are you falling behind? Start with your industry, sure, but take a look at others too. There may be insights that are worth exploring outside your own arena.

Apply the data learnings to your own campaigns. Create a variant (or more than one variant) of your page that applies some of the insights we’ve provided. For example, you might dial down the jargon until you hit the optimal Flesch reading score. (You can use the free readability formula tool here to test it for yourself.)

Optimize and test. Keep in mind that data analysis reveals trends and tendencies rather than absolutes. You’re making informed decisions when you apply these learnings, but testing is still your best way to confirm. Run A/B tests or, if you’re short on the time or traffic to do so, just publish your variants and turn on Smart Traffic in the Unbounce Builder. It’ll use machine learning to automatically decide which variant is right for which visitors, and it’s otherwise hands-off. (If you’re looking for more ideas on how to build variants, I’d recommend this post from Garrett too.)

In short, this year’s report uses ML to identify opportunities you simply couldn’t spot without the processing power of a machine. Optimizing your pages doesn’t have to be aspirational. We believe this is the future of digital marketing—and, going forward, you’re going to see more and more efforts like this from Unbounce to help you enhance the skills you already have. (If you’re curious about what else we have planned, you can read more about our push to bring you Conversion Intelligence.)

Whether you sell pig sweaters, chicken harnesses, or something altogether more practical—are you confident enough to swagger into your next meeting, snap your suspenders, fire those finger-guns in your boss’s direction, and let everyone know about your team’s big win? “Soooooooo-ie!”

Take a gander at the 2020 Conversion Benchmark Report, and let us know what you think in the comments below.

from Marketing https://unbounce.com/conversion-rate-optimization/what-is-a-good-conversion-rate/ via http://www.rssmix.com/

[somniahq]

CHAPTER III.

THE BANQUET & THE BOOK.

THE WINTER PALACE, THE HEIGHT OF THE CAPITOL (ABOVE).

𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐕𝐈𝐎𝐔𝐒𝐋𝐘 ––– after returning to caer crye, the company is beaten, downtrodden, and above all: confused. after their encounter with the raven, the forest gave them more questions than answers, and they came back with their heads either hung low or in the clouds. upon their return and håvard’s good word master ormond’s convinced his conditions are well enough satisfied. he holds up his end of the bargain, providing the company with supplies, weapons, horses, and that bit of friendly advice.

ormand suggests they head to the capitol to seek guidance from the magician’s mentor — who surely must have some idea of what’s happening in eden. surprised by the suggestion, the magician almost protests, but there is something about the knowing twinkle in ormand’s eye that makes her jaw click shut. the heiress wastes no time in writing to her family and sending the letter as the crow flies. within a day, they receive an invitation to a banquet being held at the winter palace.

it is their hope then, not only to seek the magician’s mentor’s wisdom, but to gain favor with wealthy potential connections as the heiress gets them an invitation to her family’s ball. against all odds and most common sense: the hunter has decided to join their company after learning their intention is to put an end to the black. when the party packed their things to set out from caer crye, he packed his own to accompany them. 

however, as they were setting out from the keep, a cloaked woman — the same that has been skulking around caer crye, seemingly keeping tabs on them — stopped them in their path. it is the hermit, and she has insisted she join their company as well.

𝐀𝐓 𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓,  the company has arrived at the winter palace. the magician’s mentor and uncle, nazeem isuelt, is one of the many polished men and women in gilded masks around the ball. the scholar, azrael khye, is another such among them. both men are incredibly knowledgable in all things arcane and both carry necessary information for the company to continue their journey forward.

but what other ghosts hide beneath the many masks of those above?

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐎𝐁𝐉𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐄 : diplomatic mission. try to gather information by speaking to the magician’s mentor, or the scholar, charm & schmooze the nobility of eden, and above all: don’t leave a bad impression.

𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐅𝐑𝐀𝐌𝐄 : one night.

[boogiewrites]

Choking On Sapphires 62

Title & Song: This Feeling

Characters: Alfie Solomons x Genevieve (OFC)

Word Count: 6000+

Summary:  Genevieve takes Alfie to meet her infamous uncle, Altar. With heavy subjects on their mind and Altar's wisdom, both find themselves more certain of their feelings for each other than ever before.

Warnings/Tags: Language. FLUFF. Meeting Gen’s true father. Deep thoughts on why they feel the way they do. Altar coming in with some HOT tea. Final build up to the big i love you’s.Yiddish and Hebrew.

**Chapter song is This Feeling by Alabama Shakes.**

Click on my icon then go to my Mobile Masterlist in my bio for my other works and chapters. (Had to do this since Tumblr killed links, sorry.)

In the early afternoon, you and Alfie make your way up to your apartment. The windows were now just cracked, the fireplaces roaring and the smell of bread being baked coming from the tall, light-colored open space. You tell Alfie to get some tea, giving him a kiss to his cheek before patting his bum and sending him into the kitchen before you trotted up the stairs with the purpose to call your uncle.

You perch by the window, the sun warming you as you laid back into a plush chair in a beam of light like a cat.

"Lafitte." you hear a familiar old voice, one of your uncle's closest business mates.

"Bonjour Reuben, it's Genevieve, is Altar available?"

"He's in his last meeting of the day, dear, is it urgent?"

"Oh, no I just needed to ask him a question."

"May I be of assistance?"

"I was curious if he had a free evening? I'm in Paris with a friend and would like to see him."

"Oh, he'll be thrilled. There's nothing in the diary, so no business."

"He has cut back hasn't he?"

"He's trying." he chuckles.

"Will he be long I'd like to speak with him?"

"The men are leaving..." you hear a mumble voices.

"I'll have him on in just a moment."

You hear a scuffle and watch the skyline as your feet tap to nothing in particular as your legs hang off the arm of the chair.

"Is it true? Am I really going to see my lovely princess again so soon?" you hear in his warm, loud voice and you smile.

"If you have the evening free yes."

"For you, yes. You're much preferred to the company I was going to keep." he muses.

"Don't let me keep you from anything, I'll be in Paris for a few more days."

"No, no, come, please child. It was only a forced social call, you're doing me a favor by getting me out of it."

"Happy to help. I have someone I want to bring with me, if that's okay."

"Oh goodness."

"Don't."

"Oh, Lilly..." you hear the teasing in his voice.

"Uncle..." you draw out in a 'please don't' tone.

"I know who you're here with!" he says in a playful way. "Last you were crying over him if I recall. First sad tears then happy. I'm assuming the tears have stopped or at the least remained happy."

"No tears as of late, and if they are they are from happiness yes." you smile. "We're here together, we've been together in an official capacity for a little while now."

"I know. You think I don't keep tabs on you?" he laughs. "You and a fellow Jewish gangster? Of course, I'm going to keep my ear to the ground on that. What could be more interesting?"

"Your own business?" you snark.

"HA!" you can picture his head thrown back in laughter. "I do hope he treasures that wit and humor of yours."

"He does. Which is one reason I'd like you to meet him. I know he'd love to meet you. In a personal and not business capacity this time. Plenty of time to talk business later, but tonight I'd just like my uncle to meet my potential future husband." it rolls off the tongue far more easily than you'd imagined it would.

"Oh my." he pauses. "You are serious, little one?"

"Very much so. We've had time alone here on holiday and it's only led to deeper conversations about our future as a team."

"A team? He must be as clever as I've heard he is to know he should think himself an equal to a woman like you." he says with a content tone.

"If he did not you know I wouldn't have given him the time of day." you laugh.

"You are brilliant as always, Lilly. Would you like to come to my place? I can have dinner for us all. Would be no trouble at all."

"That sounds lovely, which place would you like to meet?"

"I've been staying at my country estate. Perhaps the scenery might be a source of romantic ambiance for you two." he chuckles.

"Perhaps."  you sigh. "I'll have Benji bring us over near dusk. Don't embarrass me too much, please. I rather like this one."

"I'd never." he scoffs.

"You can be as stern as you'd like but play nice. Don't put him in a bad mood and ruin my evening." you laugh.

"Only a few stories from your childhood then."

"Don't make me regret this." you giggle. ----------

You see Alfie's hand clutching and regripping on the top of his cane so you know he's in thought and nervous.

"It'll be fine darling," you say, leaning in with a smile and taking his fidgeting arm into your grasp. "He'll love you I'm sure of it."

"Sorry, love. It innit really that I'm worried about," he says with a low brow. "Me brain is tellin' me I'm meetin' a powerful man for business, yeah? But I'm tryin' to tell it I'm not, then I think it's 'bout the equivalent of meetin' your father or somethin' of that nature, and I feel unprepared and me leg starts twitchin'."

"Perhaps all the walking today has your back acting up?" you offer with a chastizing smile he can't see as you rest your cheek on his arm. Even if he wouldn't admit he was nervous, you would've totally understood if he was. It wasn't only him meeting someone he respected, and those people were few and far between, it was him meeting your family. In your faith, these sorts of things weren't taken lightly and with the discussions of marriage earlier in the day you know he had to have it on his mind. Altar was a parent to you in your heart. He'd taken you in when no one else would and helped build and mend the damage George had caused. So Alfie was essentially meeting your family, and you felt far less nervous than you expected.

Parents typically were more involved in unions, as was tradition, but what you two had was far from textbook within the Jewish faith. Still, the involvement of others in your relationship, and one of such significance for you couldn't go overlooked by him. He had visions of discussing terms and conditions, lawyers and Rabbi's huddled over a ketubah and his intimidating, stand-in father-in-law supervising it all. Your sweet words of distraction calmed his worry and his overactive imagination. You cooed and told him how you thought Altar would like him as you took his fidgeting hand into yours and stroked his blemished skin to soothe him. He could take anything another man could throw at him, he figures. And he could take even more than that if it was for you.

You feel the fluttering in your stomach, a happy nervousness you hadn't felt since you were a child as you stood in the foyer of Altar's country estate. Outside the city on a lovely green piece of land, a place you'd been so many times you couldn't count, sat a stone home covered in vines and surrounded by flowers and shrubbery. Alfie could see it's influence on you in the lavender in the garden and the fabulously ornate mezuzah by the door.

Alfie is caught off guard by the informal and affectionate greeting you receive from two elderly house workers. Coos and kisses, squeezing you with closed eyes and smiles on their faces as they call you by your Hebrew name given to you by your mother. This is the first Alfie has heard of this name and is touched by your mother's will to have you named in such a way despite your father's clear refusal of expressing your heritage.

"Chanah?" he whispers as you walk together down the cozy halls of dark wood floors and stucco walls.

"Yes?" you ask, turning your face his way, the happiness from the reunion of childhood caretakers still on your face.

"Which name is this now?" he asks with wandering eyes about the space.

"My middle name my mother gave me. They called me that here as a child when I was alone without my siblings, they never missed an opportunity to remind me of where I came from once they found out I'd learned of my mother's secret."

"These people are lovely," he says with a warm and even tone. "So is the name Chanah, my love." you give him a soft smile, pressing a kiss to his cheek when you were left alone as they checked to make sure Altar was ready to receive you. His sweet little Chanah, he thought, feeling his heart stutter at the thought you having a Hebrew name to call you by. You were shaping up to be the perfect woman, the perfect wife for a man like him. His beloved as strong as her namesake, he muses. He's still looking at the beaming but reserved joy exuding from your face as heavy footsteps meet the other side of large white double doors. He feels you squeeze his hand and his gaze is torn from you from the loud and loving voice of your uncle.

He could tell by the way he held himself that in his youth he must've been a true force to be reckoned with. Alfie figures he must've been near sixty years of age, the grey scattered about his hair starting to overtake the darkness of his youth. Much like Alfie, his presence filled a room and burst it at the seems with charisma and demanding energy. He wore a black kippah, covering greying hair that was otherwise as dark as yours. You had the same dark eyes, deeper set and intense under full brows with skin the same lovely tan, olive tone. He really could have passed for your father. His features were markedly more masculine of course, a strong nose over smiling lips, a thick beard covering a clear squared and strong jaw. He wore clothes very similar to Alfie's although he was in a much more casual form of dress with a simple white shirt and trousers as opposed to Alfie's layers of vests and jacket.

"My perfect bubbeleh (little doll)! Shyane Maidel (pretty maiden, a term of endearment usually used by older family members)! My darling niece, how are you?" he says with a strain to his voice as he holds you tight and groans as he lifts your feet off the floor. Alfie can't help but smile, seeing that contrary to the dim portrait you'd painted of life with your biological father, that you had known love from this man and your mother's family clearly and he found himself wanting to thank Altar for giving you the love you deserved.

"Oh Uncle, you mensch (man, one who represents the finest qualities of humanity), you flatter me." she says, kissing his cheek and holding his face with both hands. "I am splendid." you say, patting his cheek.

"And would you like to introduce me to your zeeskeit (sweetie/honey)?" he grins, eyebrows wiggling as he grins and nods his head in Alfie's direction. He was relieved to hear he seemed to be treating him as a friend and not a fellow criminal.

"This is, of course, my darling, Alfie  Solomons of Camden Town." you coo, walking back over and taking his arm as the older man take steps towards him with a large, outstretched hand and Alfie faces him with a mirrored stick straight posture and raised chin. "Alfie this is my incorrigible Uncle, Altar Lafitte." you grin and chuckle.

"Shalom, Mr. Alfie Solomons." Altar says with a warm and friendly lilt that makes you breath out a sigh of relief.

"Aleichem Shalom, Mr. Lafitte. Please, call me Alfie."

"And call me Altar." he says with a grin. "I would say my little Lilly here introduced me to you, but it would be daft of us to pretend we didn't know who the other was, wouldn't it?" he chuckles.

"I'm inclined to agree." he nods and glances over to you.  "If it would be alright to speak in an informal sense? I don't mean to show offense to the family of my beloved here."

"Of course, I insist.  Damned with formalities, tonight. We aren't businessmen here now are we? We're just two men who happen to love this brilliant woman." he says, leaning forward towards you as you smile sheepishly. "I do have to admit, I was rather surprised to hear she was with someone."

"I was as surprised as anyone else." Alfie jokes with that charming grin you loved to see when he was being social.

Altar laughs and nods your way. "She will keep you guessing and on your toes, won't she?" he chuckles.

"That she does."

"I am elated to hear she has chosen to be with someone in our line of work. And the more I learned about you, the more impressed I was with her decision making. Not that I ever doubted it." he says with a comforting glance. "But you, Alfie, you are a real tzutzik (ambitious person) and mighty clever if the stories I have heard are indeed true."

"I will gladly agree if given the chance." he grins.

"HA!" Altar says, reaching over and patting Alfie's arm. "I see why you like this one," he says in a sneaky tone, leaning your way but his words were clearly not meant to be a secret. "Come! Let's eat and talk and rejoice in this joyous occasion!" he begins, turning to move down the corridor. "It's not every day our precocious Lily brings someone home to us." he begins. "In fact, she has never brought anyone home to us." he chuckles. "So we must break out the good celebratory wine tonight!" he declares loudly to no one in particular.

You squeeze Alfie's arms and wrinkle your nose at him to let him know everything was going swimmingly. He gives you a cock of his head and a shrug and a hopeful glance that things would continue down such a path. ---------------

The damage to your ego from Altar's stories is nominal. He sticks to tales from your childhood and you're grateful. Tellings of your free and naive escapades amuse Alfie more than he could've imagined, the tales giving way to the birth of your nickname, Lily. It was given after Lillith of course, and only in a heartfelt way as your uncle sang the praises of your wildness as a child. Always rough and mischievous, fighting with the boys and never turning down a dare when you stayed with him. He speaks of the almost altar ego of yourself when you were with your father's family, your prim and proper, clean and soft-spoken nature he'd forced you into. It upset Altar to see you forced into a role you didn't naturally come into and he made it a point to never stifle your chaotic energy. Thus, under his guidance after being exiled from your family's home, you embraced your true nature and became a thief, and Lily Lafitte was born.

Alfie spoke of his own gangster birth lightly. He glanced over how the war and its violence changed him, finding his knack for it in the trenches. His formal education served him well, being promoted up to Captain as more and more men fell, leaving a scrubby boy from London with a smart mouth and quick wit fit for such a position despite his lack of upper class raising as was usual for someone in the position. His knowledge of the common man and his struggles made it easy to form a sense of solidarity among the Jews in Camden and with his men in the field, finding the lack of young men in the area after the war a space that needed filling and he took control over his slice of London piece by piece with the cooperation of fellow schoolmates from before the war and the common thread of heritage and religion that bound together his people and community. Altar nodded and listened, fully invested in learning more about his possible future nephew in law. He sees he was smart, successful and had a brutal hand as was needed in their sort of life. He believes him to be suited for you, as he wanted someone to be able to look after you after he was gone. And this Alfie Solomons seemed a man fit to take on the task, he had the money and the power and those two things when used well could take the both of you far together. He could see the glances, the small, polite but meaningful touches and how he said your name when he told stories of your jobs together. Altar could very clearly see you loved each other, despite your attempts at hiding it for the sake of manners. Your nonverbal and ease of communication was clear to him, finishing each other's thoughts and interjecting on stories without so much as an overstepping of the pace of conversation.

"As much as I have enjoyed your company tonight, the night is dragging on and I don't want to keep you two too terribly long...would you be so kind as to give me some time alone with my Lily? I have some things to speak to her about that require discretion." Altar says with a kind nod.

"Oh, no, of course." Alfie says pushing back his chair.

"Have Rada show you the library, darling, you'll adore it." you say with a soft smile his way.

He leans in to kiss your cheek. "Come find me when you need me, eh?" he says with a gentle caress of your upper back. "Altar, may I speak with you again before we depart?"

"Yes! Certainly." he says with a warm smile.

"I will see you shortly then." he says with a slight bow as he leaves the room.

You move to the seat closest to your Uncle and scoot it even closer.

"Oh, my little one..." he says with a broad grin, shaking his head. "Are you sure you have not come to tell me you've secretly married? Or perhaps you are with child?" he suggests with a deep chuckle.

"Neither," you respond back with a bashful smile. "What did you think of him, Uncle?" you ask in a whispered voice, eyelashes batting in anticipation.

"Well he certainly is very in love with you isn't he?" he says in a teasing tone. "I won't pry too much into your personal affairs, but would you grant an old man his wishes of knowing when you knew?"

"Knew what precisely?"

"Don't be silly, my sweet, when he told you he loved you." he chuckles

The flush comes across your face. "Oh." your lashes flutter. "Well we haven't'... exactly don't that." you say with a low brow.

"You are joking." he insists. "There is no way you haven't, surely. A blind man could see with the way you look at each other."

"I'm not joking." you shake your head and purse your lips. "I know I should. I've just been intimidated to do so  to be perfectly honest."

"Things that you fear are usually things worth doing and conquering. It's what makes the struggle worth it."

"I believe him to be withheld due to my previous lack of enthusiasm about such things. I do not still hold those beliefs but I think he's only trying to be gentle."

"I won't fault him for handling you with care. But you two do not act like people who haven't shared confessions of love, dearest. You act like two very, very old friends who know each other most intimately."

"We have been through more than most that have been married for longer than we've been alive." you chuckle. "We've only been together some short months, but we've been close for a year now."

"That is not what I meant," he says simply. "I believe you to be old souls. I suspect this isn't your first go-round together."

"This really the time to be taking a piss, Uncle?" you say with a scolding glance.

"I'm serious." he says with high brows.

How was Altar, the man who would tease you when he'd find your nose buried in your bubbies old books, full of recipes with no explanation as to how to they worked, but they always did? He would be sure to reign in only your tendency to be very whimsical, telling you, you were acting like your grandfather, who was known to live in the clouds and not among the rest of men, making poor heartfelt decisions that ultimately lead to his demise. How was he suggesting such a blush-inducing idea as to you having such a connection to Alfie?

He leans in closer, elbow resting on the table as he speaks quietly. "You are in love with the man aren't you?"

You take a deep breath and nod. "Yes."

"Terribly so?"

"Disorientingly so." you chuckle and sigh.

"But you say your fear of expressing such things is in the past? And yet you do not tell him? Despite speaking of marriage?"

"He has taken the fear from me when it comes to such things. It was as if I had no choice," you speak softly and he sees your eyes far away in thought and it warms his heart. "He not only says the sweetest words, but he also follows them with actions that reflect the same."

"And did you leave him with any choice in falling for you?" he grins.

You think about how you'd gotten to this point. How despite his best efforts he couldn't bring himself to live without you. He'd told you he needed you. And a man like Alfie Solomons didn't need anything. He was a singular force that was self-sufficient. But there you were, bringing the titan to his knees and unintentionally so. But perhaps the same could be said for you of him. You loved him and you acted on it so naturally, you didn't even think twice about it. You did it without thinking despite what you'd told yourself for years of being bad at loving people in a romantic way. Your paths crossed by fate, and with extraordinary circumstances, you'd found yourselves forced together. By simply being around each other you had fallen in love. There was no trying to it, it happened and you certainly hadn't meant for it to. Perhaps Altar was right. You try to open your heart to the whimsical notion. Your lives couldn't be whole without the other now, left with no choice but an empty life and broken hearts if you fought against the natural magnetizing you had to each other.

"He told me I did not." you lower your head and look away, a slow realization coming across your face.

"Then what other conclusion is there my sweet child?"

You gulp and look back to him, a veil of tears over your eyes. "I am so dangerously in love with him, Uncle." you rasp out so you don't start crying.

"And you have been given a gift. So few know this." he touches your chest. "So few feel something like this, ever," he whispers back, wiping away a tear that escapes. "And he loves you. I can read men, my dearest and that man is yours as much as he is his own."

You nod and take his hand and kiss it, placing it in your lap. "I'll tell him." You nod and sniffle. "I'll tell him tonight," you say with more conviction. "I don't need to fear something that feels so right. I see that now. I thought for so long it didn't exist I..." you shake your head. "I'd given up."

"And that was when he came into your life, yes?"

You nod and smile.

"And isn't that how it is foretold?"

You nod more enthusiastically and he leans in and kisses your forehead.

"That's my girl," he says patting your cheek. "You tell him tonight." he taps the bulb of your nose. "You tell him and revel in his reciprocation and wake up two souls in love. A rare, rare blessing. One I would venture to guess is a personal gift from God to you both. I've never seen you look so happy, bubbelah."

"I've never been so happy." you wipe your tears and he leans back in his chair. "Hopefully I am capable of learning my lesson and it won't be another year before we get married." you laugh and Altar lets out a comforting rumble of a noise.

"With the I love you's said I doubt you'll be able to wait that long." he pats your knee. "Once you find that someone it is hard to want to wait to have them all to yourself."

"And you do like him? You approve?"

"You have my complete support. I dare say he reminds me of a younger me. Perhaps more violent, but the world today calls for such things for people like us. He doesn't keep his life secret from you as I can see, and with you being just as ruthless I see no reason you couldn't make this work. With your sharp minds and fierce fists, you would make some fearsome children." he chuckles.

"Oh my, they would be hellions." you laugh.

"And you would deserve every bit of the pain and joy that is raising a child for what I put up with, with you." he teases.

"I hate to say that I entirely agree." ---------------------------

Alfie is alone in the library, looking through old religious texts, thoroughly impressed with the collection Altar kept in the room of ceiling-high bookshelves. He places the book back and walks over the large window in the light colored room. The sun has set and left lovely deep tones across the sky. He thinks about you and what it is you two are talking about in the other room. His natural curiosity wants to try to eavesdrop but he won't be disrespectful in the house of a Lafitte. Although he had checked all the drawers in the room and found them to be locked. Old habits die hard.

It dawns on him, the magnitude of the situation he finds himself in. In the house of Altar Lafitte for starters is not something he ever thought he'd say. He wasn't in his office in the city where he conducted business, he was in his country home, unattended in his library. What a strange place to be, he muses. And even stranger beyond that was his reason for being there. Unknowingly to him, he had somehow managed to meet, befriend, seduce and fall for the niece of a crime kingpin. Altar was a big name in the French Mafia, any Jew in the crime world knew the name, he ran the biggest city in France. He realizes with your level of skill and clear knowledgeable training that he should've assumed you had some sort of background such as this. But the blood of a Lafitte in your veins, a name feared and respected through Europe...he hadn't expected that.

He thumbs his nose, eyes unfocused and posture slack as he gets lost in his thoughts. He's mulling over how confusingly perfect you are for him. Neither of you was without your faults, and he didn't have the illusion that you were indeed without any flaws, same as him. But the way your paths aligned, the roads that led you both to the point where they intersected seemed to be rather fateful. He looks up at the moon, his lips in a tight line, wondering if anyone could hear his musing of cosmic interference in his life. He wasn't entirely unimportant, but he was just a man, after all. Why would he be given a blessing like you? A fucking sodomite and murderer given the chance to know love like this. You were the only wholesome and pure thing in his life, and every time he thought about it he felt fearful of losing you. A beautiful flower had no business rooting and blooming in the bog that was his life. His chest aches at the thought of losing you, it throbs with how much love it holds for you. He felt so full it traveled up to his brain and made me feel rather thick at times. As if you'd grown like a fungus and overtaken his common sense. What else would explain his musings of you being his b'sheret?

He lets out a heavy sigh. His sweet Chanah. His crime heiress, self-made woman, gangster queen. He was hopeless, wasn't he? And how could he not be for a woman that felt tailor-made for him. You cracked him open and left him raw in a way he hadn't felt since the war. Before it was the only thing that had scared him, but now a man, certain in himself and his life, he felt fear again and you were the source. Before you he was a singular person, he had only to worry about himself ultimately, but now he was given a whole other human to take into consideration. Someone just as complex as he. He found himself more worried about losing you than losing himself now, and that honestly put a bit of fear into him as it was the first time in his life he'd felt such a strong urge, a pull to rely on another person in such a way. You made him feel like a child, like he wasn't in control of himself or what he did, following your skirt because he loved you and for no other reason. And if there were, no other reasons mattered. He plans to tell you these things, and soon. He notices the stars clear and bright, twinkling with enthusiasm for the full moon in the sky. Perhaps tonight, he thinks, his bottom lip pushed up in consideration under his mustache. He was certain he loved you, and such feelings deserved to be acted upon and shared when they involved someone else. You certainly deserved the honesty from him. If you spoke of weddings and babies with boldness, there was no need to fear saying the words that should've come first the whole time. It was time to finally brush away that last bit of you that held on in fear of love. He wanted to prove to you and himself that there was no reason for you to be afraid if you were both in this together.

He hears the door crack open, your wide blinking eyes meeting his as your head peeps into the room. "He's finished interrogating me." you giggle. "You wanted to speak with him, darling?" you ask with such a warm smile he practically floats to it to simply be in its presence.

"I did." he says with a nod, pulling you into the room by the wrist. "Are you ready to leave? Or would you like to stay?" he asks quietly, hand brushing your hair out of your face.

"I'd love to go back to the apartment and spend the night with my handsome man." you coo with a playful smile.

"Just so happens I would love nothing more than to accommodate that wish." he chuckles, leaning in to give you a brief kiss. "Is he in the dining room still?"

"No, his study, it's two doors past the dining room. He's in there waiting."

"Let's not keep the legend waiting then, eh?" he smiles.

"Would you like me to accompany you?"

"No, thank you love, I wanted to conclude the visit with an invitation for business in the future, you go ready that young pup to take us back, eh?"

"I'll tell him, I'll wait in the parlour." you say sweetly, holding his hand until the distance growing between the two of you separates you as he walks down the hall.

"'Ello." Alfie says, entering the room and clearing his throat.

"Bonjour." Altar says happily. "You did say you wanted to speak again, yes? Or is my mind farther gone than I know?" he chuckles.

"Absolutely not, steel trap that, mate." he grins.

"And what can I help you with Alfie?" he says, hands coming together in front of him in the large chair by the fire.

Alfie sits next to him on a matching chair, angled towards each other and Altar hears him swallow and holds back a smile.

"I was wondering if you had a  moment to talk about Genevieve?" he forces the words out.

"Always. Anything for my Lily. Is something the matter?"

"Oh no, no." he shakes his head. "For once, the opposite." he gives a closed mouth smile.

"Lovely then." Altar sits back and waits, giving the man a minute. He wasn't into betting but at that moment he would have on what words would come out of his niece's love's mouth next.

"I wanted to speak with you about...making Genevieve my wife." ----------------------------- You stroll happily to the phone room, having told Benji to ready the car already. You call up your apartment and are met with a cheerful voice.

"Bonjour!"

"Bonjour, Yoni. It's Genevieve of course, Alfie and I are to be leaving Altar's country estate soon and I had a few requests. Should have time to accommodate them before we get there."

"Yes, madam, how may I help?"

"I'd like you to make a few...romantic adjustments to the apartment please."

"Romantic?" she giggles.

"I figure why let the boys do all the romancing, I want to make a statement tonight." you say with your back straight and a hopeful smile on your face.  

---------

You anxiously await Alfie by the front door, your hands clasped and picking at your nails as you stare up into the night sky and fantasize about what you might do or say. Everything felt rather jumbled in your head but, you hoped your heart would help you make sense of it when the time came. You're in the middle of pondering playing him something, as you hadn't before and thought perhaps showing him a bit of yourself he hadn't seen yet might be a good gesture of romance. Then he appears from the hallway, your Uncle surprisingly behind him, a hand on his back.

"Did we play well boys?" you ask with a bright smile.

"Certainly did." Altar answers with a smile that looks similar to yours. "Good man you've chosen here, my sweet bubbeleh."

"I like to think so." you chuckle as he walks towards you and takes your hand and raises it to his lips.

"If it weren't for your influence on her, I wouldn't have such a Aishet Chayil (woman of valor) to call my own."

"Alfie." you say blushing, and wrinkling your nose.

"It is only the truth, my oytser (love of my life)." he coos at you and you feel the heat flush your chest as you let out a small giggle of surprise at the affection in front of your uncle.

You bat your eyes in surprise and look away as his lips press against your knuckles. "Who do I thank for this doting man you've sent back to me, Uncle?" you chuckle.

"Only yourself, Lily." he says as watches the look on your eyes as Alfie leans in to gently kiss your cheek. Altar can not only see the love on your face for this man, but he can feel it as he hears sighs and giggles he's never heard before from you in all your years of life. He felt confident in his discussion with Solomons that the feelings of adoration between the two of you were mutual. He was looking forward to having a firm grip on London after the two of you were married. It would, of course, be his little Lily that brings his personal life such joy now, and bringing together both opening and closing to a chapter in his business life with a new alliance in London with his future nephew-in-law.

@fangirlfreakingout @jaegeeeeer @cosettewinchester @lookuptheskyisfalling-blog @brianaisasongbird @cry5t4l-w4rri0r @iliveonchocolateandnetflix @jess2464 @hardygal69 @thegarrisonpublichouse @a-flock-of-angry-pigeons @pootle @negansdirtygirl22 @musingsby-night @wtf-is-wrong-with-this @shine-dont-shadow @inkinterrupted @vale0413 @lafayettes-baguettes-1 @sxlomons @aphnxrising @emerald-bijou @elaenom @give-jack-a-lightsaber @anrm1 @ultrablackwidower @tinastarkandco @arrowswithwifi  

[tweenw]

Field Trip pt. 2-(Derek Hale)

Characters: Peter Hale, Erica Reyes, Isaac Lahey(mentioned), Derek Hale and (Y/N)

Pairing: Teacher!Derek Hale x Reader

Warnings: swearing, some light smut, and the whole illegal relationship thing

Word count: 3876

Summary: Can (Y/N) and her history teacher Derek Hale keep their relationship on the down-low?

A/N: Here’s the requested second part, if anyone enjoys this then I will be posting a third part :)

Part 1    Part 2    Part 3

“Don’t forget your assignments due for next week.” Mr Hale shouts after the desperate students eager to escape class and start planning their Friday night parties. 

Since we’ve come back from the Christmas holidays a few months back, a lot of things have changed. I read Derek’s notebook, and at first I thought he was joking. I actually avoided him for the entire holidays. That is until I told Erica about it all and she proved me wrong in the most unexpected way. Who knew the world was so small. Then when I finally got the guts to show up at his house to apologise, I met his sarcastic uncle Peter, who to this day tries to make passes at me. I also found out that half of my friends are like Derek, but they never thought about letting me in on this secret for some reason. It kind of stung, but I understand why they kept it a secret.

I laugh a little at Derek’s feeble attempts. At least he tries. I pack up all of my books and head to his desk where he’s also packing up his stuff. Unlike the other teenagers who are going to be partying and regretting it tomorrow, I have my entire night planned out perfectly. And it involves my favourite teacher.

“So, I’ll be over when I drop my books off. Please tell Peter to restrain himself a little more this time.” I smile up at Derek. Each time I look at him I get overcome with pride, because I know he’s mine. Yes, there’s the issue with the law and we technically can’t be public, but I know we’re exclusive. 

“I do every time, but you know what he’s like. He loves to tease knowing fine well it pisses me off.” Derek jokes a little, but he takes a step back so we don’t look to friendly and comfortable. That snaps me back to reality. I cough a little and smooth my skirt down. 

“I better get going, but expect me soon.” I leave his class and walk out of the class, anticipation and excitement brewing in my stomach. Nights in with Derek in his loft are always something to look forward to.

Erica joins me as I walk out of the school, a small smirk on her lips. 

“Look at you, living on the edge.” She laughs a little, and I laugh with her. She isn’t wrong, this is so unlike me. Up until the fateful day I met Derek Hale I’d spend all of my free time in the park reading, and now I’m breaking the law. What joy.

The two of us get into her car and she starts it up. “What plans do you have for tonight? Anything exciting?” I ask Erica as she drives to my house.  At least one of us has her driving licence. 

She winks over at me before I slap her shoulder to remind her to keep tabs on the road. “I have a date, actually. He’s also older, you’re not the only one who has a thing for older guys. But he’s like, a few years older than Derek.”

I raise my brows at her. Erica Reyes having a date isn’t all that surprising, since she’s pretty much the hottest girl in school. But Erica Reyes having a date with an older man? Who knew we were so similar.

She pulls up outside of my house and I get out, but not before passing over some wisdom. 

“Use protection, and please make sure to give me all the details tomorrow.”

I slowly make my way into the massive building, which is owned by Derek, and begin to walk up the flights of stairs. You would have thought that if Derek was rich enough to buy this warehouse of sorts he’d at least install an elevator. But judging by him fat to muscle ratio, the stairs do him good. So, instead of whining, I keep walking and send him a quick text as I get into the elevator. 

‘Be up soon, I have a little surprise for you x’

I bite my lip at the thought of how Derek might react. Yes, we’ve only been doing this relationship thing, whatever it is, for a few months, but something tells me this might be a good idea. 

I open the door to his little ‘apartment’ and walk into the warmth, the smell of vanilla candles welcoming me. Derek is a very clean person, which didn’t really come as a surprise. He just seems like that kind of guy. But he has a serious candle-hoarding problem.

In the corner of the kitchen, his uncle, Peter is sipping a cup of tea. A part of me slowly dies, but I force a smile. Peter is tricky. He’s a dick with sarcasm and behavioural problems, but he’s funny and makes me feel welcome despite knowing the illegal relationship Derek and I have going on. So I’m still on the fence with him.

“Ah, if it isn’t my favourite human. Don’t worry love, I’ll be out of your hair soon.” Peter smiles at me as I walk into the kitchen and place my bag on the counter. There’s a bag of groceries lying on the table, unpacked and it doesn’t look like it’s going to be put away any time soon. 

“Nice to see you too Peter, what do you have planned for today other than scaring little children?” I grin at the older man teasingly and start to unpack the bag, putting some vegetables into the fridge. Peter raises his eyebrows at my actions, but doesn’t question them. At least he’s not the one that has to put this away. 

“Very amusing as per, (Y/N). If you must know, I have a date of my own to attend to.” Peter says smugly, straightening out his suit a little. Ah, that’s why he’s all dressed up. But wait, doesn’t Erica have a date too today? And with an older guy? Of course, I should have known.

I take out the bread and put it in the metal tin they have for it.

“Well, I hope you enjoy it. At least you can actually go out and be seen together.” I mutter under my breath, but no doubt he’s heard it, with the wolf hearing and all.

Peter finishes his cup of tea, places the empty cup in the sink and walks to the door. Before he opens it, he looks back at me with an almost sad smile. 

“I don’t know how serious you and Derek are, but I know he cares about you. A lot, this is the most vulnerable I’ve seen him in years. I think this has potential, just don’t get caught. I know you make him happy.” Peter smiles a little at me and then walks out of the door, leaving me with a small smile of my own. 

Peter is right, for once. If we both care about the other as much as we do, things will be fine. We just need to keep this under wraps for another six months until I graduate. It does leave me wondering, though. Is what Derek and I are doing good? He’s about seven years older than me, which I guess isn’t too bad, but he is my teacher. And last time I checked teacher/student romances don’t end well 99% of the time.

“Hey, I wasn’t expecting you here so early.” Derek says from the doorway he’s casually leaning against, a small smile present on his face. He hasn’t shaved, which personally I find extremely attractive. Derek with a stubble or small beard is heaven, though Derek could rock eyeliner and a pink wig if he wanted to.

“Sorry, I just wanted to see you.” I grin and set down the butter and instead walk over to give Derek a loving kiss. As per usual, the mere touch of his skin on mine sends bolts of lightning coursing through every nerve in my body, causing it to stand to attention. 

Don’t get me wrong, Derek is so physically attractive it takes my entire willpower to not pull him into some broom closet at break in school and show him just how fun things can get. But he’s also incredibly smart, witty and understanding. He’s so compassionate and loving it sometimes takes me by surprise. I haven’t fallen in love with Derek because of his physique, I truly love him for who he is, whether it be a grumpy sourwolf or caring boyfriend.

I pull away from him and grab his hand. It’s movie night tonight, so the sooner we get started the sooner I can be cuddled up to him.

The two of us walk to his room and I plop down on his large bed whilst he turns on his TV. The covers and pillows smell just like him, a hint of vanilla, mint and mud. It’s strangely comforting. On his bedside table are a few simple things. A lamp, his phone, a pair of earphones, and surprisingly the jar I gave him for Christmas. There are a few notes missing already, which warms my heart. He actually reads them.

“Did you think I’d just disregard it and put it away in a drawer somewhere?” Derek asks gently as he crawls onto his bed next to me. I turn around to see him a few inches away from me, a small smile on his face. I shake my head no. Of course I know Derek wouldn’t.

Derek never makes the first move. He never kisses me first, he never hugs me first. It’s almost like he’s afraid of hurting me, like I’ll break under his touch. Or maybe he still feels guilty about the two of us. 

“(Y/N) I’m not saying I don’t want to be with you, because I’m starting to think that Peter is right about you being my soulmate. But try to see things from my point of view. You’re young, only 17. You have your life ahead of you, you should be getting drunk at parties and making out with guys your own age. Guys you can kiss in public and introduce to your parents.” Derek paces around the room like an animal trapped in a cage with his hands in his hair as I stand at the door to his loft. 

Today was supposed to be another movie night, until Derek found out that Erica and Isaac knew about us, which led him to believe others would find out sooner or later. 

I raise my eyebrows at the werewolf in front of me. Is he for real?

“Derek if I wanted to be with immature snotty STD-ridden teenage boys I would be. Has it ever occurred to you that maybe I’m happy with you? That you are what I want, and not some random drunk boy at a party? So what if I can’t kiss you in public or bring you home to Christmas parties? In another eight or so months I can do all of that.” I throw my hands up in the air in sheer exhaustion. I knew Derek was having some doubts about us, but I didn’t know they were this serious. 

Derek stops pacing the room and looks at me with so much raw fear it makes me go weak at the knees. He looks like he’s leading a war with himself.

“(Y/N) I love you, you’re my soulmate. I’m so selfish for keeping you around, but the mere thought of hurting you pains me. This isn’t right, I shouldn’t be stealing your youth years from you, God know the same thing was done to me. I don’t want you feeling trapped.” Derek almost begs me, like a part of him wants me to turn around and walk away, to never talk to him again. But I know better. I know that we’re both too invested in the other to just simply let go. He said we’re soulmates, and I believe him. 

I walk over to Derek and grab a hold of his face to keep him still. 

“Derek Hale I am in love with you, have been since that ridiculous trip to the museum months ago. I want to be with you, the thought of being away from you is too painful. You aren’t stealing anything from me, you’re making my life so much more better than you can imagine. I want you in my life, now, a few months from here, a few years. I want you, and I’m not giving up on us.” I say firmly, hoping that I have convinced him to believe me. 

Derek searches my face for any trace of regret or fear or uncertainty, but all that he finds is determination and love. Without hesitation, he crashes his lips against mine with such force it leaves bruising behind.

I roll over and straddle Derek, catching him off guard. He cocks his head to the side a little and furrows his brows, as if confused by my sudden action. In the background, Zombieland starts playing.

I place a trail of small kisses along Dereks exposed neck, evoking a sharp breath from him. I keep licking and nipping at his skin until I get down to his jeans, where I stop. The man beneath me is breathing heavily, his hands slowly caressing my hips which causes my skirt to hike up to my waist. 

I look up at Derek and bite my lip a little, a string of impure thoughts running through my head. If I had it my way, we wouldn't just watch movies on movie nights. And by the looks of it, Derek would agree with me. 

I slowly grind against Derek, emitting a low groan from him. His grip on my hips tightens , but he doesn’t do anything else. Just close his eyes and  grit his teeth like he’s trying to control himself. 

I keep up my slow movements and begin to unbutton my blouse, one button at a time. The sound of the buttons causes Derek to suddenly open his eyes and look at me with so much longing and lust it’s almost enough to tip me over the edge. But I keep going, until all of the buttons are undone and he can see the silky red bra I have on. He mutters a soft ‘fuck’ before letting go of my hips, sitting up suddenly, and grabbing a hold of my wrists.

“(Y/N) what do you think you’re doing?” Derek asks, his voice strained like he’s ready to rip the skirt off me. I just smile innocently at him.

“I’ve already seen that movie, and you look really good today. The way you absentmindedly bit on your ruler in class gave me all sorts of thoughts.” I grin at him, enjoying the sudden power I have over him. This is the first time this is happening, me being in charge. So I may as well enjoy it whilst it lasts.

Derek growls, a deep throaty sound, before shaking his head a little. All it will take now is just a little push. I lean close to him and run my tongue across his ear.

“Derek, please fuck me.” I whisper. And that’s all it takes for the Alpha to flip us over and start kissing down my neck sensually.

The sound of hushed voices from the next room wake me up from my deep sleep. The voices are urgent, almost angry, but still somehow calm. A yawn escapes me as I slowly sit up and look around.

There are pillows strewn all over the oak floor, along with the clothes I had on yesterday. My blouse is ripped. The bed next to me is empty, which means one of the hushed voices must belong to Derek. The events of last night begin to flood back. 

The tender kisses, the reassuring ‘I love you’s, the growls that belonged to Derek, the moans that belonged to me. The way his hands felt on my body ignite a new fire in the pit of my stomach, so unexpected and strong that it leaves me craving for Derek’s touch, whether it be a hug or something much more impure. 

The door to the room suddenly opens and in walks a shirtless Derek with a plate of pancakes in his hands. He looks happy, content. His hair is dishevelled and he’s only wearing boxers, which I do not mind in the slightest. Just the sight of him brings a huge smile to my face.

“Morning beautiful, how’d you sle-” Derek starts to say, but quickly stops as he glances at me questioningly. Confused, I look down but there’s nothing out of the ordinary. I’m wearing his shirt, but that’s about it.

“You know I can smell your arousal, right?” Derek raises his brows at me. I mentally kick myself for thinking back to last night. I didn’t think that he could be so tuned in with such smells.

I cross my legs over the blankets and roll my eyes at him. But I can’t help the blush that overcomes my face. 

“Don’t sound so surprised, you know what you do to me.” I take the plate from him without looking up in sheer embarrassment and dig in to the blueberry pancakes neatly stacked on the plate. A little moan escapes me as I come to terms with how delicious his cooking is. 

Derek comes to sit down next to me and steals a berry from the plate, to which I playfully poke him with my fork. I swallow the chunk of pancakes and turn to look at the god-like creature next to me.

“So what was that about? Who were you arguing with?” I ask and take another bite of the pancakes. Seriously, Derek’s a keeper. Who knew he’s so good at cooking? I could definitely get used to this. 

Derek just sighs and wraps his arm around my shoulders, the first time he’s initiated anything. I feel my heart jump-start and begin to hammer away.

“Well, it was Peter. He was confused about the second heartbeat coming from my room so I had to break the news for him. He actually tried to act like a condescending parent. And he can also, uh, smell you.” Derek chuckles a little as he reminisces in the conversation he had with his uncle a few minutes ago. I just raise my eyebrows. 

“Well, I told you I could smell your arousal. And so can he.” Derek looks at me apologetically, almost like it pains him to actually admit that. A feeling of dread washes over me as I realise what he means. Oh my god. I immediately put down the plate next to me and get under the covers in a feeble attempt to contain whatever Peter can smell. This is one of the downsides of dating a werewolf.

Derek laughs at me and just shakes his head. “(Y/N) that won’t help. Why don’t you go get cleaned up and I’ll find something for you to wear? I don’t think your blouse can do it’s job anymore” Derek pushes me lightly in the direction of the door. 

I groan in protest but decide that maybe getting cleaned up is a good idea. I make my way out of Derek’s room with the slightest limp and walk down the hallway to the bathroom. Out of the corner of my eyes, I notice Peter chuckling at me. I chose to take the high road and ignore him.

I quickly use the bathroom, having to result to using my finger as a make-shift toothbrush and once I decide that my hair can’t get any more tamer, I walk back out. 

“Well, I guess I don’t have to ask how your date went then.” Peter calls from the sofa, a book in his hand and a smirk on his lips. I just glare at him. 

“Peter, please stop being a sleazy bastard.” I smile sweetly at him, to which he just winks. Typical Peter Hale response. I shake my head a little and keep walking, but Peter once again feels the need to share his thoughts with me.

“Nice limp there, (Y/N). Did you happen to trip and fall onto my nephews dick?” He laughs teasingly, to which I just show him my middle finger and keep walking. I swear it’s too early to be putting up with this guy, whatever the time is. He’s worse than Erica, he has absolutely no filter between his brain and his mouth. Maybe that’s why they get along so well.

I walk back into Derek’s room to see him fully dressed in jeans and a blue shirt, which really fits well in all of the right places, like everything else he wears. I’m so lucky. 

“I hate to break the news, but the pack wants to come over. So unless you’re ready for them to be let in on our little secret, you should probably go.” Derek smiles sadly over at me, hesitating at the word ‘pack’. He still isn’t completely used to the fact that I know who he really is. 

Like last month, I came over to his apartment and some girl scout knocked on his door to sell him cookies and he growled at her and flashed his teeth, and when he saw that I was behind him and seen him, he totally freaked out. He seriously thought he scared me.

“Derek, I know you’re not ready for them to see us. That’s fine. Plus, I’ve spent too long with Peter for my liking.” I grin over at him and head to the bed to get the clothes he picked out. It’s just a simple shirt and shorts, though they’re a few sizes bigger, I really don’t mind. I quickly strip from the shirt Derek gave me to sleep in, not really caring that I’m completely naked since he’s already seen me, and pull on the clothes Derek so kindly offered. Going commando has always been something I’ve wanted to do. 

I grab my backpack from the corner of the room and stuff the ripped clothing into it, almost shedding a tear at the sight of my bra that’s now in pieces. Well, it was cute whilst it lasted. 

Derek sits up from his bed and walks over to me, taking a hold of my hand. He looks thoughtful as he runs his thumb over my knuckles. 

“Do you... Do you regret it? Even a little?” He asks, taking me by surprise.

Do I regret losing my virginity to Derek? My history teacher? The man I am desperately in love with? My soulmate? No, I don’t. Not in the slightest. The thought even sounds ridiculous. 

I bite my lip a little and shake my head no. There is no way I could possibly regret what happened last night. Yes, it may have been a little quick, but totally worth every second.

Derek places a gentle kiss on my forehead, then my nose, and then finally my lips. The kiss is tender, feather-like. It only lasts for a few seconds. 

“I love you, (Y/N).” Derek whispers, placing another soft kiss on my lips, one full of promise. One that tells me that no matter how this will end, he will always love me and at the end of the day we both know the other one is in it for the long run.

[mattyslittleworld]

dead mans coffee

July / 2020

Just woke up in my front seat, at a rest stop in Tennessee. First thing I saw was my ALL WILL SUFFER tattoo on my leg. A constant reminder of a different person. Tomorrow I’m getting coffee with Skrillex’s right hand man in Nashville, and I’m nursing a cold coffee in the heat watching this crazy lightning shoot across the skyline. It looks like the end of the world. Or some fucked up Lucero song. I must’ve pulled over for a second and closed my eyes and just dropped dead for hours while parked, I’m on the way to my hotel. 

I am sitting in a diner on broadway in Nashville, TN. Nursing another shitty coffee booking meetings. As the texts come in I ignore them because they are covering the screen and distracting me from reading and studying how to properly sell my soul to the devil at the crossroads In Mississippi. 

Clarksdale, Mississippi

12:30 am

Where Robert Johnson, Bob Dylan, and now, Matty Carlock, sold their souls to the devil. 

December / 2020

Sitting in my home, in Hollywood, CA. I have the window open, and I hear the subtle sound of LA breathing, cars passing on the boulevard, sirens off in the distance, and a vinyl record of mine spinning at the lowest volume possible for me to still hear yet ignore it. I feel calm and at peace, although, it seems like a parallel feeling is war, confusion, imposter syndrome, abandonment, and skeptical. How could these two umbrellas of emotion coexist? Its very interesting. Ive been recording so much music that has nothing to do with my artist project. Its been liberating to put that aside for something greater. A new focus. Leaving artistry a vessel solely for extreme self expression and cathartic release. 

July / 2020

Winding the day down, 10:30pm. With an open tab that reads “Tigers Jaw holiday show” - on pause. I open my Mac book on my couch, ready to go through stems and ratchet strip club beats, and it catches my eye. I press play and it leads me down a rabbit hole. I find myself watching “Never Saw It Coming” right into “Chemicals” / live in Boston. Like lightning it struck through my entire body. Maybe it was the 2 hour long conversation with Andy? And the memories we were trading. The bond we have over hard times, innocence, violence, literal blood on the pavement, years of freezing in the winter....nowhere to go. The people that were around - we made forever memories to these two songs. I right away, made a playlist that consists of “The Sun, I Saw Water, Chemicals, Never Saw It Coming, and Planes”. On top of that I found the live acoustic set they recorded and put out. When I was young on DIY tours, sleeping on floors, dirty as shit, poor as shit, a human being at the very best.....the uncertainty of my near future was so bleak. I remember Title Fight came out with their record “Shed” - and the song “where am I?” would lay me down on long drives, or on the floor. I’d watch white lines pass one by one by one into the abyss of nothing. 

The line 

“Another floor

A different ceiling than the night before

Where am I?

While you’re back home”

Missing my girlfriend at that current time, leaving, and just laying on a strangers floor thinking where am I while you’re back home? What am I doing? Maybe there’s nothing only this moment?

On the tigers jaw live EP they covered this acoustic and it’s everything right now. I am fortunate to live a block away from the sunset strip - and I grabbed my skateboard and just bolted into the night. 

This SO SPECIFIC FEELING of these songs. That nobody in this environment will ever understand. It’s so beautiful. It’s so real. It’s so raw. It’s exactly what I need right now - as the past 3 weeks I’ve been living here have moved faster than the past 4 years. A loss of identity easily awaits you. It’s like you fight your whole life for that moment, to get to where you dream of, to get a shot. Scrape and crawl. And then reset. Since I’ve been living in Hollywood my day to day has been a huge mirror for me. The parts of myself I’ve been trying out run have caught me. Maybe all of this could coexist? 

March 2nd / 2021

Spring is here. Its 75 degrees in LA and theres this new thing I noticed while driving around…..the overbearing smell of flowers in the air. It sounds like a movie. Its fucked up cause It felt like a funeral in my car. I was like what the fuck is happening? It smells like a small funeral in here….are my dreams dying? Am I dying? Is punk dead? Okay its just a Ryan gosling movie out here I guess. Whatever lets go. Here’s some hatrebreed. But the windows are down. My mood is different. My spirit is lifted, which ive been desperate to say. I automatically get punched in the guts with the feeling of driving so fucking fast, and blasting title fight. Skateboarding. Looooooooooong drives with fucked up friends to out of state shows no one will be at. Im listening to Stab by Title Fight - off the Shed LP. What a specific time in my life this brings back. That I usually talk about on this little throw up blog often. Spring is such a pivotal time in my life every year. Since covid shows stopped - human decency stopped - community stopped - my natural habitat was taken from me, and all of my friends and family. I remember living in New York in 2011. At the New Yorker. I was studying at the Institute Of Audio Research to be a janitor in my home town. Because that’s what they teach you. Instead of studying compression, and listening to washed up hacks talk to me about music, I would walk out my building onto 8th ave. B Line it Penn Station. Get on the LIRR and ride that shit right into the best LI shows every night I could. Id meet all my friends from Jersey / NYC / Philly and even Baltimore because it was so common to make it a priority to no matter what, drive hours on end to support a hardcore shows and to not lose touch with the hundreds around the country that you call family. Drive to Richmond for a shows on a Monday night, go off, hit a diner after with your new found tribe, then drive home, be back at 6 am, and just stumble into your bullshit job with a black eye or scratches all over you. It was all worth it. Probably quit that job anyway to go on tour with your friends band and live as gypsies for the entire summer too. Spring embodies this spirit for me. Church parking lots in Doylestown, PA - full of kids from all over the country, who left their problems in their hometown, to just get on the road with their best friends and basically start a new life. It is just amazing how formative those years were for a lot of my friends. I have people I met at shows from all over the country messaging me always checking in, and supporting, and sometimes it feels like I know them better than my first cousins, aunts and uncles. We were at war together. We fought against the world together. We found ourselves together. We created shit from nothing. Determination and passion. Oh no….Planes by Tigers Jaw just came on. You know the vibe. This shit just hits so different now as a pop / hip hop producer. This PA scene, mixed with NJHC, just stood me up and gave me confidence to have my own voice, my own thoughts, and to fight back. Something about being in a shitty car and it smells like dirty vans and like…..axe to cover up the smell. BELTING Basement and car moshing and almost driving off a bridge. Listen. I know every single blog is about this. But fuck you fight me. ITS CALLED SELF EXPRESSION GRANDMA. SO STRAP INTO YOUR BOOT THINGS AND ENJOY THE RIDE TO NOWHERE. Its been crazy living in LA. I live directly on Hollywood BLVD, on the Walk Of Fame. Where I was almost killed two weeks ago over someones gang that my ass is not in. My guy looked at me and said YO YOU MATTY? And I was listening to Taylor swift in my headphones walking back from Starbucks and it was so funny how different my energy was. I was like bro can you kill me already dude because these Taylor tones are so good that they gunna just end up killing me anyway. So perfect timing. I think the guy was mad at my friend to say the least lol. But every night its loud 808’s, the sounds of the city, amazing energy, and neon lights shining in from lit up billboards off the BLVD. Its such a culture shock for me. I feel like im too aggressive just from being east coast. But its just what it is. It took me a little to adapt to being in sessions and meetings with seasoned people in this industry who have major cuts and recognition. But I just learned to double down on myself, and be as authentic as I possibly can be. Theres nothing like crushing writing sessions in the pop realm, then turning off my shit, unplugging, and run into the night with my skateboard and old punk records. It’s almost like my own secret that is becoming my blood. I haven’t been communicating with the ones who like my music, have interest in what im doing, come to my shows etc - since I touched down here….I just unplugged….started writing HEAVY and decided to dedicate months to getting better, learning, becoming smarter, discovering a vision that’s much broader than what were sold, finding myself, making sure my wisdom is parallel to my age - if not wise beyond my years. A lot of artists and bands SING, PLAY, PERFORM, PROMOTE. But I have decided to WATCH, ATTEND, and LISTEN. Everynight I sit down with tea, unplug, and spin records on my turntable…in the dark, in my living room, alone….all kinds of records. From The National, to Springsteen, to Title Fight, to Hendrix, to the rare Troublemaker LP and 7” I have…..Sharon Van Etten, Jesse Malin…..ugh. Its just bliss. Pure bliss. Right now im drinking coffee and bouncing from listening to Into It Over It and American Football. I spent all last night rapping my ass off, mixing, and singing ref vocals for other people. It was so fun. Im finding a lot of my new material is this spirit im talking about - but over hip hop production. I want to tell my life story and combat the stereotypes of modern rap and pop music with true intentions and unique tones of untold stories that press, radio, and this market usually doesn’t get fed. Ive also realized a lot of music I was promoting over the past year to come out (prior to the pandemic) hasn’t come out….and I know people are questioning that….what is happening? So before covid I had German solo dates booked - and then I was going to the UK right after. I have a bunch of single drops lined up with music videos. Some you can guess with who. And then the pandemic hit and I canceled everything and decided to pivot my focus into my passion for songwriting and production, instead of sitting around “waiting for shows to come back.” I pretended that shows were never going to come back and doubled down on my career as a producer, that at the time, still is, moving forward at a faster rate than my artist shit. So I packed my shit after offers, and opportunity presented themselves. Touched down on a Tuesday, with meetings that Friday. Off to the races. In sessions that following Monday. Fast forward here we are. Hungry, learning, learnt, turned 30. Looking at the next decade like Mcgregor at the weigh in. Fight ready. Ive learned so much since the fall that all of the music I had planned on releasing, I loaded it back up, tore it apart, and re built it. So its not stale, so its not expired, so its not “then”….so its NOW. Which im so glad I did, and im doing. I don’t think ive been in the booth more. My mind is so stimulated by this wave im on. And its got me in a good place. Now that the spirit of spring is here, my mental health is going to be taking a big leap as well and im going to do everything I can to just flood all of this content. I think Never Meant by American Football is the best song ever made. Me and Mike were talking about doing a song together a few months ago and that would be such a trip for me. 

I wanted to talk about my recent trip to Joshua Tree. I was invited by Christopher Thorn from Blind Melon to live at his studio for a few days to write together. I didn’t really know what to expect. I met him once or twice thru Clinch, and just around the Sea Hear Now circle back east, and I was familiar with No Rain (his hit). We got on the phone, picked a weekend where it’d work for both of us, got some covid tests, and boom. Packed my shit again (right off a flight back from New York, where I shot 3 music videos, and did 1 remote session in 2 fucking days), and drove out to the desert. There is no address so I had a map. It was epic. It was in the desert desert. Like THE DESERT FAM. Coyotes at night, snakes and shit. The air was so dry, your lips would get chapped to let you know death was right around the corner so you better man up baby boy. Beforehand - from all the traveling and flights, and burning myself out on videos and sessions, I found myself listening to a lot of acoustic Nebraska Springsteen type shit. John Moreland, or even like acoustic bayside, Lucero, Leonard Cohen, Tom Waits…..just pure music with no samples, not gridded, not sold, no machine, no click, just real live country music inspired by the human condition….of the earth. It was just speaking to my soul…..so when we booked this to get in the room together….man was I ready. I don’t think ive had an experience so fruitful to the soul. And ive played shows in Slovenia, and sipped espresso on a bridge that looked like a painting, staring at subtle mountain tops off in the distance like I was a character in some book. We started working at night and ran it up till like 3 am. As the sun came down the lights off in the distance miles and miles away were so clear because we were just the only life form around….and it would just shine into the studio windows and reflect on the perimeter making it seem like we were surrounded by New York City. It did a lot for my soul to play drums, acoustic, sing, play piano, shred electric, even mix a little. I felt like I made a very fast lifelong friend. Its been a minute since I got on with someone like that. We talked a lot about growing up touring. And wed finish each others sentences regarding topics that ONLY people like us would know. Like Subway being a life line for DIY touring, or the weird strange feelings of comfort from rest stops in the middle of nowhere at 4 am, the rest stop coffee that you get to just make the next 2 hours of the drive into town bearable. But then you see your boy from your band in the other aisle so you throw shit at him. Then you all stumble back into the van/bus and just disappear into the night. This shit was so needed for me. When Id wake up, id make espresso, and just sit out front and listen to Joe Rogan, at this random chair that was behind his studio, facing the mountains. Just endless property waiting to leave you 6 feet in the ground. I sat there and sipped my espresso, and just reflected on the long journey of my career. How many random moments like this ive found myself in since I was 15. In the middle of the desert where Springsteen hangs out with my heroes, off the strength of my songwriting. Or in Romania drinking coffee, fucked off, on a bench far from the venue, by random train lines in the pouring rain by myself. The farthest from humanity I can be. Or the random VFW hall in my head that I don’t even know where it is, with my little punk crew, who all smell like complete shit and cigarettes and soda, fucked off god knows where, just to finger point and sing along to this band we found on myspace that were in OUR hometown the weekend prior singing to our band. Theres just an endless string of memories that can go on forever, with stories that just fulfill a lifetime, of conversations that just make the white lines on I95 move faster. Or just everyone is quiet - reading a book - texting - exhausted from the night prior - and you just ABRUPTLY turn on teenage dream by Katy Perry SOOOO LOUD - take your shirt off and start dropping it like its hot from the passenger front seat, and catch a mid afternoon front flip stage dive into the backseat. From those youthful days of this underground spirit, to existing in a realm of pure monsters of my craft, I truly believe this next decade could co exist and be one for the books. Damn I feel good. Also me and Sasso started a book club called BSU and you can’t be in it because you probably read books and the only rule for our book club besides not speaking about book club is, you can’t read books. Okay im going to go buy a bike right now so I can ride It to Mexico and get abducted by the cartel and sold for bitcoin. FAREWELL EARTHLINGZ. 

[sophiesgenderjournal]

07/09/2019

All I can think of is Uncle Iroh’s Question:

And I honestly don’t know.

I used to be so naive that I would inwardly laugh that the phrase ‘Know Thyself’ generated so much angst and provoked so much thought for the Greeks. I used to find it privately ridiculous that some of Sun Tzu’s most revered battle wisdom was to know the enemy and know yourself. How preposterous. 

Now of course, I know how stupid I was. How confronting the question of knowing who you are is the word of a lifetime that very few achieve. Because at some point, who you really are is revealed to you, and it scares the living daylights out of you. And you will do anything to avoid embracing that truth.

And at other points, who you are is up for debate, even in your own head. What do you want? It changes day by day. And who you are depends on what lies you want to believe that day.

I have been troubled recently. The perennial question of any gender questioning person of whether you qualify. The perennial question of whether you can go through life dealing with the vague sense of shame and confusion. The bizarre fact that the focus point of your angst and self-doubt is not money, or fame, or love or anything else. The focus point is why you want to do certain things, and why you can’t just be ‘like everyone else’.

To write I have been troubled recently doesn’t really fit very well. It would be more accurate to say I have been plagued by these doubts my whole life, and like the waxing and waning of the moon, they shift and change to thwart easy definition or resolution.

This fourth of July weekend, we travelled to meet some friends and be with them on a sunny day on a boat. One of the latest additions to the group is someone who wishes to be identified with by they/them pronouns, who is getting top surgery (AFAB) this week and who looks at you as if daring you to challenge their ironclad definitions or self-belief.

In the face of such aggressive certainty, I can’t help but feel not worthy of the identity trans. Who am I, who furtively buys women’s clothes and yearns to publicly express a more feminine front to the world, compared to this gender-neutral non-conforming god/ess who is so defiant in who they are are. 

And the sting when we talked - I think I almost hoped that another person who fits under the trans* umbrella (of not being comfortable with the gender assigned at birth) would someone secretly just get me as being gender questioning and trans(?) myself. But no. I am a ‘cis straight white male’ deserving of nothing less than thinly-veiled contempt. I don’t know what they have gone through. Et cetera.  

And then on a side note: this makes me wonder whether my escape into a more feminine identity is simply a manifestation of the failure of masculinity to be nothing more than toxic. It’s like internalized misandry! To go along with my internalized transphobia. So that’s nice. 

And then there have been times this week where I have just completely discounted the journey I have been on over the last year. Of self-acceptance and self-love. Of healing. Because when my wife and my cat and myself are lying down on the rug, or when we’ve had sex, or just in a good moment, I am completely comfortable in my male identity. Although, it’s fair to mention that this goes along with the thought of “hey! I’m completely comfortable in my male identity! It’s finally over!”. This feeling inevitably dies down, because of course it does. But for a while, I get to feel like the way most fucking people on this planet do. I get to feel like I am the gender I was born and it is good and I am deserving of love. 

I’m almost at a stage where I will be able to seek employment again. And I’m excited! To get my life back on track, to have some focus. To not have to think about becoming more feminine every single fucking second of the day from the time my wife leaves to the time she comes back.

But I’m also nervous. I’ll be tired. I’ll be focused on other things. I’m worried I’ll lose sight of all of this, because if I do I know it will be deep down within me, festering, waiting for the right moment to boil out in a raging pink fire.

So in summary: excited, scared, worried, lost, confused, ashamed, energized, masculine (sometimes), feminine (sometimes) me (all the time). But I don’t know who me is anymore. I’ve lost sight of it. I wish I was that person who had it all figured out again. But I don’t think I ever will be.

 I have an addendum:

I started this blog to track my gender identity and the conflicts that arose with questioning it. I also wanted to try to stop porn use to try to stop sexualising my own identity and grapple with my feelings in a healthy why than drowning them out in a sea of artificial orgasms. 

I am sad to report that I have failed. Since my last post I have looked at porn. Sissy porn (which takes that internalized transphobia and shame and throws in some misogyny for good measure) still gets me off. I can’t help it. Fetishes are the worst, they really are. It’s not helpful - but it helps me live the life I can’t live right now, and things with my wife have stalled once again. I’ve been listening to feminisation hypnosis. I’ve been doing a feminisation program. And I’ve jerked myself off, and closed down the tabs in the rush of shame, more times that I can remember.

And it’s made things worse, because it’s made things stay the same. I’m still that sad little 18 year old. I’m just so done. It seems like I can’t win. I have to keep fighting, I know, but it seems so unwinnable at times. I am a sad.

[warwickholdingwords]

A Blackfoot in Brighton

I'm not sure which came first, 'the flats' or Indian Dave, but I think perhaps they came as a package. What I remember is that they were both red and grey. The flats had a gloomy red ashen exterior and were a product of the Councils 1930s slum clearing, built on the same land, by the same slum tenants.

The flats were a single long tenement, of soot stained brick, topped with dirty grey slates, splattered with bird shit. The block lay like a forgotten turd, and ran parallel, to its neighbouring block, which punctuated the steep hill, running up from the Royal Pavilion. There was a stench of fish and rotten fruit from the next-door municipal market, which mixed with the smell of urine in the communal stairwells, and lingered in the air like a London fog.

We were looked down on by the nearby residents, and the higher up the hill, then the better the folk thought they were, and which if you came from ‘the flats’ you were scum, if you came from our flats, then you were barely more than beggars. We did our best to live up to this, often stealing fruit and veg from the market, or taking trips up to the shopping centre, to ask passers-by, for bus fare home. September would see us on street corners asking, ‘penny for the guy’ and we would be carol singing the day after bonfire night.

Growing up I lacked a father figure, but thanks to my mum, was never short of uncles, and Indian Dave started out as an ‘uncle’. He sported a buttock length ponytail, of thick grey hair, scraped back from his high forehead, accentuating a face as red as a sunburnt baby, and an eagle beak of a nose. He wore bright coloured clothes and moccasins, with a tasselled suede waistcoat. It may have been this look that attracted my mother to him, as she modelled herself on a Native American singer called Buffy Saint Marie. The actual romantic relationship did not last long, and Indian Dave was banished to the front room, so that my mother could focus on younger, more handsome men, musicians mainly, with a Jim Morrison or Frank Zappa look.

Our front room was furnished with a bed, that doubled as a sofa, and one wall was covered in silver embossed wallpaper, which was covered in women, who were covered in nothing at all. My friends loved coming round to look at the breasts, and we spent many fun times counting the nipples on show.

We were often visited by our local vicar, and I’m certain I heard him counting under his breath, more than once. I think the highest count was about 167, but we were hindered by the bed which was against the wall, and to be fair, there were a lot of nipples.

Even in his new role, Indian Dave was good to us, and hand washed our tatty clothes, and kept us clean and fed, he also punished us, and I was often spanked with a large black clothes brush, as I was often naughty, and brought home by the police for some reason or other. My mum was never around much, normally because she had a new man on the scene, so Dave did it all, maybe in the hope he would be allowed back in her bedroom one day.

Ever since Dave had appeared, I had always been curious about him, and one day I asked‘Why do they call you Indian Dave? it’s a stupid name for an Indian’ He went on to tell me that his real name was ‘Chogan’, which meant Blackbird, in his native tongue of the Blackfoot tribe. He explained that he was born on a reservation in Alberta, Canada, and he had been forced to come to the UK, after his parents had died. He told me tales of how his folk were buffalo hunters, fierce warriors, who had fought in wars, with settlers and other Indian tribes. I was awestruck when he described the great ‘Chief Crowfoot’ who wore feathered headdresses, and how they lived in Tepees.I sat transfixed, listening about wisdom that was passed down to the next generation of the Blackfoot tribe. I loved the stories, and I was a big fan of Little Plum from the Beano at this time.

‘Ha Ha, Dave’s a smelly foot like Little Plum’ I shouted gleefully.He whacked me round the head ‘Cheeky little bastard’ he said, and he was right. It all made sense, his red face, the long grey hair, the dodgy coloured sweaters, he even had blankets just like they had in the cowboy films although I hoped they were not carrying this smallpox virus, he had mentioned. He also loved gambling on fruit machines, and explained that many native Americans now owned Casinos. He went on to say that this was the main reason, we had to wait for hours outside the local pub for him, while he tested the new machines to report back to his tribe.

 I was six or seven at this time, and we were living on the poverty line, we had no fridge, we had a TV with a meter on the back of it, my clothes were donations or bought from jumble sales, I had never been to have my haircut, and my nickname was ‘Fleabag’. Although it’s odd that my mum always had cigarettes and went out. I was constantly bullied and picked on at school, for my bad haircuts, tatty clothes, and hippy mother and her friends. I always felt ashamed, and part of me believed these bullies were right, I wasn't as goodas they were, I probably did smell, and I was a freak. There is a part of me that still feels like that to this day, but at last I had some ammunition to hit back with.When the other kids started to mock me for having a weird mum and a strange hippy living with us, I could finally answer back.

'Yeah but he looks like that because he is a real Red Indian'

I remember a feeling that I'd never experienced before. I was proud of something for the first time in my life. It was fantastic, I felt different, I started to believe that I could be better that I could be accepted, and maybe one day be normal. I would tell the tales of Dave chasing Buffalo over cliffs and skinning them, and how he was the best bow and arrow shot ever.

‘That’s why he was called 'Dead Eye' I would say, and repeat and embellish his stories, making him a hero, and even more fascinating. So, just for a while, it made me interesting to the other kids, they would listen in awe, to my tales of the Real Red Indian from 'The Flats'.

One particular story Dave told me, was supposed to have a hidden meaning. It was the story of a baby bird who had fallen from its nest, and was shivering with cold and chirping loudly because it was so hungry. Just at that moment a buffalo came over and stood over it, the buffalo let out a great big dump, and the steaming pat completely covered the little bird, which was instantly warm and snug under the massive heap. Now although warm, the baby bird was still starving so carried on chirping loudly. Then a nasty coyote, on hearing the baby bird, crept up to the big buffalo pat, and hooked the baby bird out and swallowed it in one gulp.I did not understand the story then and Indian Dave would not explain what it meant, he told me that I would figure it out one day. When I asked other people what it meant, they could not tell me either.

Indian Dave moved out after about five years, after realising that he was no more than a live in babysitter, and although I saw him a few times, it was not until my mother’s funeral some twenty years later that I got to talk to him again properly. Maybe it was because I was older, maybe it was because I was wiser, and harder to impress, or maybe it was because Indian Dave asked everyone at the wake if he could borrow some money. Whatever the reason, I found him quite boring and very annoying, all he talked about, was how he had taught my sister and I to boil an egg. I didn’t see him very often, after that, even though I knew where he lived, I occasionally met him for a quick drink, in his local pub. He was still testing the fruit machines even then. He continued to bore me, which was a shame, as I wanted to remember him as the hero from my childhood who had given me a reason to feel proud and hold my head up high.

In 2001, I was thirty-one years old. I was married, had travelled and had my own small business. It seemed I had finally got away from the poverty, and misery of my childhood. I was happy and in control of my life. My younger sister called me one day, to tell me that Indian Dave was in hospital, and that she was planning to visit him and asked did I want to go. I chose not to, as I was working and very busy at the time. It’s a decision that I will always regret. He never came out of hospital, and sadly died shortly after. My sister told me the news, and that he had also named us as his next of kin, which I thought was quite sweet, until she went on to say that we would have to pay for his funeral, which only a few attended, other than us. We held a sort of wake, after the service and visited various pubs that Indian Dave had frequented, and I was asked in each one, if I was going to settle his large bar tab, which Iobviously declined.

As his next of kin, we were also expected to sort out his affairs, which included registering his death, at the town hall. I went alone, and was asked questions that I could not answer properly. I told the registrar that he was born in 1938 on an Indian reservation in Canada, and that I did not know how he had ended up in Brighton. I explained his relationship to me, and after giving me some very strange looks, I was given a death certificate which I have to this day.

It was a few days after the funeral, that my sister and I were clearing out Indian Dave's dark and dingy little bedsit. This was a very depressing job, in a very depressing place. It saddened me to see how he had ended up living, and I could not help but to cast my mind to the stories he had told me.

To come from the Great Plains of Montana and Saskatchewan, where buffalo roamed, and eagles soared, and battles were fought. To end his days in a backstreet bedsit, was very upsetting to me.

Whilst sorting through his very few belongings, I did hope in all honesty to find details of a secret bank account, or a stash of cash, or items of high value and when I came across a locked little metal box, I got quite excited. I could not find a key, and had to force it open, which took some time.

On opening the box, I found a bunch of papers and photographs, and even a few of my sister and me. I flicked through the papers looking for some hidden treasure, and finally found a birth certificate, which I read, and read again. I felt cheated, I felt anger, and I felt ashamed and quite hurt. I was devastated, and I am happy to admit that I cried like a baby.

“What have you found?” asked my sister, when she heard my sobs. “Oh my God” I shouted, “you will not believe this, Dave was not a real Red Indian, he was born in Blackpool in Lancashire” ‘Yes, I know’ she replied, ‘everyone knows that’ and started laughing. ‘What are you saying?’ I blubbered, ‘why did no one tell me?’ ‘I thought you knew’, was all she could say, and laughed, as only a sibling can.

I don’t believe that I am a gullible person, I like to believe that I am street smart, but I can honestly say, I really had believed him for all those years. I had never doubted him, and I started to wonder what other lies people had told me over the years. I was half expecting to find out that Santa Claus did not exist either.

I have questioned why and how this had happened, and how I had missed the reality of the situation, and after a lot of time pondering, I came to the conclusion that it does not really matter. What is important, is the fact that I had belief in his stories, and that had stopped me being ashamed of being poor and living in those flats. I was able to look beyond what I thought I was, and of what everyone else told me that I was.

I could be interesting, I could be an equal, even if it was for a short time, people had listened to me. Most of all I believed that I could be a storyteller, which even in middle age, I still believe today.

I like to think Indian Dave, knew what he was doing, and wanted this for me.

Maybe my journey through life, would not have been as good, had I not been proud, that very first time. So, he will always be Indian Dave to me, although Lancashire Dave is probably more appropriate.

It was only recently that I finally worked out what the moral of the baby bird story was, and although it has no real bearing on this story. It was fantastic advice, and I will it share it anyway.

This is my interpretation of the story. Sometimes, people who dump you in the shit, are not always out to cause you harm. Sometimes people who pull you out of the shit, are not always trying to help you.

Saying that, I think the most important point to the story is this. ‘When you are up to your neck in shit, its best to keep your beak shut’. Indian Dave wherever you are, I will say this in native Blackfoot.

“Ah dah mah tsee noo tsee yoop”

Which translated means,

“See you again”

[elisapsycho]

Raedaelin Dewbrook l The Brat

{IMPORTANT NOTICE: Topics with the * symbol beside them would be unknown to the public. Please do not act like your character would know everything about mine, as I wouldn’t do that to anyone else. I ask this nicely, I will not be as nice during interaction if it happens. Thank you! <3}

Name: Raedaelin(ia) Jerrist Dewbrook Alias: N/A Nickname: Dae, Linster, Dae-Dae

AGE: Early 20s *SPECIES: Incubus guised as Sin’dorei GENDER: Trans Man

CLASS: Rogue

BIRTHPLACE: Dewbrook Estate, Eversong Woods BIRTH: November 2nd SIGN: Scorpio

MARITAL STATUS: Dating Mylareno Schmidt ( @mylareno-schmidt ) SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Demisexual PROFESSION: Guitarist, Performer, Vocalist RESIDENCES: A small home in Eversong Woods

*HISTORY:

• (RP to find out please! Lots to write plus mystery!)

[PHYSICAL FEATURES]

APPEARANCE:

(Emil Andersson)

HAIR: Long platinum hair usually tied up into a foxtail or a large loose braid. Occasionally with a flower braided into or held in his ponytail to match holidays but it’s usually a black rose on the day-to-day. EYES: Bright Fel green & full of life. SKIN: Completely flawless and rather pale, though not sickly so. His skin is more translucent to say the least, veins showing in his wrists and under his arms but not throughout his entire body. Commonly found with dark hickies on his neck, chest, shoulders and back however. That pale skin won’t let him hide anything. HEIGHT: 5′11 WEIGHT: 133lbs OTHER: He has two large tattoos; a long line of red roses down his right side under his pecs and ending at his foot, and a river down the outer side of his left arm, starting at his shoulder and ending just above his wrist. As well as three smaller ones; a list on his sternum of: Play You, Pause Memories, Stop Pain, and Rewind Us with digital music symbols, a music tab underneath his chest from rib to rib and a solar eclipse on his back, right under where his neck meets his shoulders. He also has a marking, not a tattoo, on his left inner ankle of a moon, it’s very faint but noticeable if one is staring. Three gold loop earrings along the bottom tip of his left ear. Two rings, one on his left index finger and another on his right middle finger. Left being a gold band with five black diamonds socketed into it and the right being a simple gold band with ‘His’ written in Thalassian. (The matching band can be found on Ardrella Sunwraith reading ‘Hers’ in Thalassian.) As for scarring, he has scars forming around his entire left ankle, appearing as though something or someone mauled it.

[FAMILY]

SIBLINGS: • Valentina Rosemourn - Older Half-Sister - Alive • Zarendrala Dewbrook - Older Sister - Alive • Adriano Dewbrook II - Twin Brother - Alive • Raedral Dewbrook - Younger Brother - Alive • Zarendral Dewbrook - Younger Brother - Alive • Velonia Dewbrook - Younger Sister - Alive • Aeternus Yllarora - Younger Half-Brother - Alive

PARENTS:  Lord Kreinast Dewbrook & Lady Vyrin Dewbrook - Alive

OTHER RELATIVES: • Anya Sunwraith - Adopted Daughter - Alive • Lilestela Dewbrook - Aunt - Deceased • Khatar Frostscythe - Adoptive Uncle - Unknown • Raedaelina Bloodhaven-Frostscythe - Adoptive Grandmother - Deceased • Acandisa Frostscythe - Adoptive Great-Aunt - Undead & Wandering • Krinas Frostscythe - Adoptive Great-Uncle - Deceased  • Vandsondra Galerunner - Aunt - Deceased • Hynlestal Galerunner - Uncle - Unknown • Hynlanath Galerunner - Uncle - Alive • Saviana Galerunner - Aunt - Alive • Artemisia Felspark - Cousin - Alive • Hathrian Felspark - Cousin-in-Law - Alive • Koulandrel Galerunner - Uncle - Alive • Kyrina Galerunner - Aunt - Alive • Shiroba Galerunner - Cousin - Alive • Aoba Galerunner - Cousin - Alive • Syralia Galerunner - Cousin - Alive •  And MANY, MANY others

ACQUAINTANCES/FRIENDS: •  Ardrella Sunwraith - Late Best Friend  • Thaen Moonreaver - Friend, Fellow Tart ( @duskisdarkest ) • Aelrindel “Reaper” Everlove - Friend, Associate • Rikki Quickstrike - Frenemy, Associate ( @rikki-quickstrike ) • Alissa Dreadhaven - Frenemy, Babysitter

A sliver of the Succulent Tart and those associated, as well! (Including but not limited to: @andijelly, @alastren, @zynros, @glass-phoenix, @glass-innocence, @fuzzymigglet, @trisandrah, @twosidedsana, @belillinafireseeker, @bluexepher, @tanarafirequiver, @julesvalebright, @kid-sparrow and no doubt there’s more!)

Anyone else I missed - You know who you are

Enemies/Rivals: Kreinast Dewbrook - He absolutely cannot stand his father for many reasons. Alissa Dreadhaven - Dae finds her need to “babysit” the ‘Children of Chaos’ obnoxious.

ANY PETS?: yes [x] || no [ ]

• Mazzi: A orange tabby stray kitten that Dae just sort of picked up one day! With a torn ear and only one good green eye, she’s a very skittish kitten but she has lots of love to give. • Ronae: A little Fel-tainted Frostwolf pup that Dae received for his 19th birthday from his half-sister. Her eyes are a stark and tainted green and even her skin has a sickly hue to it under her tainted fur. But beware, her nickname is Little Miss Accidents for a reason! Bags beware!

[ATTRIBUTES]

BASICS:

• Strength - 6/10 - Not overly strong but he isn’t a total weakling either, his strength settling somewhere in a nice middle-ground for it. Surely, if he can tote around a guitar case on his back all day almost every day, he’s got a decent amount.

• Dexterity - 9/10 - Maybe this is unsurprising, but Dae is rather flexible and agile. He’s pretty light on his toes and can squeeze his way into or out of most situations relatively unscathed. With his lighter weight, he’s also rather quick and this is part of the reason he prefers walking over riding on a mount any day. At least he can trust his own legs and endurance to not act like an animal would and it’s the same amount of break time. But he can run around for awhile, he’s done it before.

• Constitution - 7/10 - While Dae’s in shape, he’s still pretty skinny and small. So yes, he has a bit of stamina due to his physical form but he can still find himself easily tired. Especially due to his laziness. Though his mental constitution is another story; Dae can force his way through most things if he just keeps his mental strength up for it and continues to tell himself that he isn’t tired or in pain. Of course, he hates himself later for it but it works when he needs it. But, example of his constitution would be that he can walk around for a bit but he can’t lift and carry heavier objects (50lbs+) for more than a few hours.

• Intellect - 4/10 - Pffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff- He’s failed at three different trainings and settled for a not-Rogue Rogue title, two of those trainings being magical, and he plays guitar for a living. You tell me.

• Wisdom - 3/10 - *insert Male Dwarf laughter here* Dae.. is the not the sharpest tool in the shed. Sure, he boasts about not being very naive but.. he’s an idiot a lot of the time. Examples being too easy to come by to just list, just see him in action and you’ll see what I mean.

• Charisma - 5/10 - He’s surprisingly very 50/50 with this. Yes, he screams and oozes charm and social skills, but he can be very shy and anxious as well - as he doesn’t talk to a lot of people on the daily anyhow. He typically prefers small groups or one on one conversation versus a large crowd trying to speak with one another. He’s easily overwhelmed and he tries to respond back to everyone and it usually just confuses him. But, get him warmed up into conversation and he’s as talkative as any extrovert you’ll find.

• Comeliness - 10/10 - Raedaelin, being a diva low-key, would be the very first person to shower in the morning and wash himself of all the filth he may have not even collected during the night between his night shower and morning one. Then he’s on top of the rest of his hygiene and keeps his facial hair at bay as well as keeping everything else nice and trim.

[TRAITS]

—— POSITIVE ——

• Optimistic • Easy-Going • Loyal • Ambiverted • Charming • Humorous

—— NEGATIVE ——

• Lazy • Clueless  • Insecure • Secretive • Possessive • Dramatic

[LIKES]

COLORS: Neutrals, muted colors and Autumn shades. Muted purples and grey would be favorites however. SMELLS:  Vanilla, sweets & most colognes FOOD: Most foods, specifically poultry and seafood. FRUITS: Most fruits. Specifically peaches and watermelon. DRINKS: Sweet teas, most juices and only sometimes regular lemonade and strawberry milk.

ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES?: yes [x] || no [ ] • Favorites?: He -loves- both beer and rum. He’s been known to toss back a keg of either with anywhere from one to three friends.

[DISLIKES]

COLORS: Bright and offensive colors, particularly neons. SMELLS: Anything typically vile; rot, death, etc. Fruit scents, orange and lemon specifically. FOOD: Sour foods and highly spicy or hot foods. Though pork isn’t something that sits well with him. FRUITS: Sour fruits DRINKS: Milk, Pink Lemonade & Unsweetened teas. ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES: N/A

[OTHER DETAILS]

SMOKES? yes [x] || no [ ]

• Dae smokes currently, both joints and regular cigarettes, but he’s trying to quit cigarettes. Thanks to some pills a friend of his gave him to cut back cravings, he may soon be able to quit.

DRUGS?: yes [x] || no [ ]

• Dae has been known to smoke Bloodthistle and another concoction made by a friend of his. A lot. But he can’t do it around anyone except for Saeil because... well... He gets -very, very, very- frisky and handsy when high.

DRIVER LICENSE?:  yes [x] || no [ ]

• Dae has a driver’s license so to speak. He has a hawkstrider either way but it’s rare to see him actually ride the bird. He prefers walking a lot of the time.

EVER BEEN ARRESTED?: yes [ ] || no [x]

• Dae has certainly come close to being arrested back in his teenhood, but he never actually got arrested. Detained a few times for being a nuisance, but never actually arrested.

[ask-the-chan-family]

It's Time for Uncle Ancient Wisdom

Uncle: the love you have on the person, is worth more than an ordinary gift Uncle: but if you like Uncle very much, must remember to get me a nice tea set, the last one I had broken, when Tohru mother say a silly remark about my shop. Somewhere in the town square of Ponyville, Thomas was walking down the street, busy searching for a store to buying a perfect gift for his wife Princess Celestia, on hearts and hooves day. So far he check every market stand that sell different kind of hearts and hooves day gifts, from the heart shape cards to very big teddy bears and all different type of chocolates, but so far none of them didn’t catch his eyes. After looking around the market square, Thomas stop by the sugarcube corner to rest hooves for a moments and get something to eat. Once inside the shop, he notice that the place was pack with a lot of couples that were sitting down by the tables and having a treat together, at first he wasn’t sure to find a single table to sit at, but after searching around the shop, he was able to spot one and grab it before it was gone. Relief to finally get a table, a pink earth pony with cotton candy mane stop by Thomas table, she brought a menu and place it on the table, then speak to him in a happy cheerful mood. Pinkie Pie: greeting and welcome to sugar cube corner, one of the best bakery shop in Ponyville, my name is Pinkie Pie and I’m here to serve you today. What Thomas the writer: *he look at the menu* I’m not sure yet, everything on the menu look very good, that I can’t decide. Do you have any suggestion on what I should order? Pinkie Pie: that a really thought one, everything on the menu are super good, Mr. Cake upside down carrot cake taste so good, that you wants seconds or thirds, maybe fifths if you feel very hungry. Then there is Mrs. Cake fudge brownie surprise, she bake the brownies and filled them with different kind of frosting and you never know what you will get. Thomas the writer: both of them sound really good, something my wife Princess Celestia would most definitely like Pinkie Pie: she most definitely would … hold on a second, did you say that Princess Celestia your wife Thomas the writer: yes I did, I’m Thomas the writer, Princess Celestia husband Pinkie Pie: omg I can’t believe it, I heard rumors that my friend Twilight said that Princess Celestia got married, but never would though it be true, especially meeting her husband in person. *she grab Thomas hooves and shake them* it’s a big honor to meet you Sir Thomas and welcome you to our little shop. Thomas the writer: it’s nice to meet you too Pinkie Pie, but would you mind let me go please, I’m starting to get a little dizzy Pinkie Pie: sorry about that Sir Thomas, I get a little excited when I meet someone important or anyone new that come to town Thomas the writer: I kinda figure that, I heard a lot about you from Tia and the friends that you know. Pinkie Pie: wow, the Princess told you about me and my friends, that really nice of her, but wait a moment Sir Thomas, what bought you here to our little bakery, when you should be at the castle with your wife Princess Celestia Thomas the writer: well Princess Celestia is meeting with one of my friend Prosecutie about something important and since today is hearts and hooves day, I figure I step out to town and search for the perfect gift for her, but after searching all over the Ponyville market square, I haven’t found anything that would be perfect for her. Pinkie Pie: I’m sorry to hear that Sir Thomas, usually ponies be able to find anything they need in the Ponyville market square, but whatever your looking for will come to you soon enough. Thomas the writer: thank you Pinkie Pie, but is it possible if I ask you something important between us Pinkie Pie: certainly, what you like to ask me Thomas the writer: if you have a special someone getting you a perfect gift, what kind of gift your looking for? Pinkie Pie: the kind of gift I’m looking for, well that a hard one to say, since my number one gift I would like to get is cupcakes and pastries *she laugh* but to be truthful though, I would mind spending some time with that special pony at the park, with a nice picnic for two and then relax under the tree, to let the day pass by. Thomas the writer: that sound like the perfect day, more than a perfect gift Pinkie Pie: spending good time with someone you like, is worth more than any ordinary gift that you found in the market. I know that you’re trying your best to find Princess Celestia the perfect gift, but if you can’t find anything at all, might as well spend some quality time with her, before the day is over. Thomas the writer: easy said than done Pinkie Pie Pinkie Pie: what do you mean? Thomas the writer: I had no problem hanging out with her, but whenever I try to ask Tia to hang out with me, something always come up. Sure the first couple of time was alright with me, since she is the princess and the people need her the most, but there are time I think to myself that these responsibility she have, are blocking our personal time together. Pinkie Pie: I understand how you feel, there are time whenever I try to plan a big party for and when I get some of my friends to come, but they told me they were a little busy and wasn’t sure if they going to make it. At first it hurt me a lot when they told me that, but after a kind colt told me that even though that my friends are busy, they won’t stop being my best friends and always willing to hang out some other time. Thomas the writer: what you trying to say Pinkie? Pinkie Pie: what I’m trying to say is that even though Princess Celestia may be busy being a princess, but she will never be too busy being your lovely wife. Thomas the writer: oh now it make sense what you said Pinkie Pie: yup, sorry it took me a lot longer for me to understand, since most of the time I talk a lot and forget what I’m meant to say. But I do hope my advice was good enough for you. Thomas the writer: it sure was, in fact I think I had an idea of the gift I want to get her Pinkie Pie: hey, where are you going? Thomas the writer: back to the market square, I just came up a perfect hearts and hooves gift for Princess Celestia and I don’t want to be too late to get it for her. Pinkie Pie: what about your order? Thomas the writer: put it on my tab Pinkie Pie: ok then, good luck finding the perfect gift sir Thomas. Very nice guy, he remind me a lot of Mod Pony, maybe after work I go and see how he’s doing After leaving the sugarcube corner, Thomas race back to the Ponyville market square and notice that most of the carts are starting to close up, he look at the nearby sundial and see that the day is almost over. Thomas knew that he doesn’t have enough time and need to find the one shop that have the gift he needed. He started run down the market square and search for the one shop that still open, each time he run pass the carts that are closed, remind him that he need to hurry quick. Thomas did his best to stay calm and continue on his search, when he take one last look around the area, he notice one particular shop was open and saw something that catch his eye. He notice that the cart stand had a pearl neckless with seashells wrap around it, Thomas remember the time that he and Princess went to the beach on their honeymoon and had a wonder time there. When Thomas was day dreaming about his honeymoon, he almost forgot what time it was and need to head for cart and that pearl neckless. Thomas ran faster than he ever ran before and was close reaching his destination, but when he though he finally home free, he accidently bump into another pony and both of them fell to the ground. Thomas was able to get up from the floor and shake his head from the fall, he look over to check on the other pony, to see if they are alright, but when the pony finally got up from the ground, he notice the pony was none other his friend Prosecutie. Thomas was surprised to see his friend in the Ponyville square, he remember that Princess Celestia was meeting him and it was going to be all day. He notice that Prosecutie was busy dusting off the dirt from his fur and see if he broken anything, Thomas went over Prosecutie side and see if he need any assistant Thomas the writer: are you feeling alright Prosecutie, do you need any help Prosecutie: none to worry Thomas I’m quite alright, just a little dirt on my fur is all. Thomas the writer: …. Sigh, I’m glad you’re ok, I didn’t mean to bump into you like that. I was in the hurry reaching for the cart that had an important item that I want to buy Prosecutie: but didn’t pay attention and crash into a pony Thomas the writer: *he blush* yeah, I’m really sorry about that Prosecutie: *he laugh* it’s alright Thomas, nothing broken and I’m walking fine, just be extra careful when running the street like that ok Thomas the writer: sure thing Prosecutie, so what brought you here in the market square, I thought you was busy talking with Princess Celestia at canterlot all day. Prosecutie: what you say is true, I was meant to meet her at canterlot today to talk about a few things that had to involved with a client of mine, but when I was about to head out to meet her, she send me a letter to let me know that she was going to be busy and need to reschedule our meeting. Thomas the writer: reschedule her meeting with you that never like her to do that in the last minute. Prosecutie: that what I said too, she always follow her schedule to the letter and never miss one unless it was something important. Thomas the writer: I’m trying my best to figured out what, but the only thing I could think off is Prosecutie: that today is hearts and hooves day and Princess Celestia is looking for you a gift Thomas the writer: what, Tia looking a gift for me, but why Prosecutie: why not, Princess Celestia is your wife and she love you very much. I still remember one time I stop by at the castle to meet her, whenever we in a conversation, she always mention your name and tell me the nice thing you done. Thomas the writer: the nice things I done Prosecutie: of course, she said that every night before going to sleep, you stood by the window and look to check up on her sister, to see if Luna was doing alright. Thomas the writer: oh yeah, I used to do that for her, when I was captain of the royal guards long ago, she ask me to look out the window and see if Luna was able to move the moon alright. Tia get worried very easily whenever her sister done something wrong, but as always I tell her that younger sibling then to get out of hand, but in time they will be better ponies, with the right proper guidance of course. Prosecutie: which is why that Princess Celestia would give up her meeting time so that she can look for a perfect gift you. Thomas the writer: funny, I was trying to find her the perfect hearts and hooves day gift for her. Prosecutie: oh that sound wonderful, what kind of gift you’re getting her Thomas the writer: well I was going to get her a pearl neckless wrap around with seashells, but Prosecutie look at what Thomas was staring at and see that the shop that had the neckless he need, was now officially closed. Prosecutie: oh dear, I’m sorry that you lost your chance to get her that Thomas Thomas the writer: it’s alright Prosecutie, easy come easy go, I just figured something out, now as for my friend that got hurt, the ice cream stand is open, want me to get you something. Prosecutie: you don’t need to do that Thomas, I told you already that I’m alright Thomas the writer: I know, but it was my fault for bumping into you like that, the least I can do is buy you some ice cream Prosecutie: if your insist, would you mind get me cherry Garcia in a cone of justice Thomas the writer: ……… um sure, I get you that no problem, just stay here to rest for a minute and I go get it. Prosecutie stood by and waited for Thomas to get the ice cream, he feel bad that Thomas wasn’t able to get the gift that he wanted to get for Princess Celestia, he think for a moment and then came up and interesting idea. He look through his bag and was able to find a few things that he needed and started working his little project. A few minute had pass by, Thomas was able to back from the ice cream stand and doing his best holding two ice cream cone, one was cherry Garcia for Prosecutie and mint chip for himself. After walking carefully with the ice cream, he found Prosecutie sitting at the same spot he left him, he reach up to him and hand over his ice cream. Thomas the writer: here you go Prosecutie, one cherry Garcia Prosecutie: thank you Thomas, I notice that you got yourself something too Thomas the writer: I kinda did, mint chip is one of my favorite and couldn’t help but get some. I hope you wasn’t bore of waiting for me. Prosecutie: nope, I kept myself busy making some arts and craft Thomas the writer: really, what did you make? Proescutie didn’t said a word since he was eating his ice cream, he use his magic and brought out what look like a neckless with a pearl. He float the neckless and place it around Thomas neck, Thomas was speechless and surprised of seeing the very thing he needed. Prosecutie: I hope you like it Thomas, I wasn’t sure if the right one you was talking about, but at least it Thomas the writer: thank you Prosecutie: what? Thomas the writer: I say thank you, I can’t believe you made this for me Prosecutie: it the least I can do, after you spent on hours to get a gift for her. Just promise me that you give her that gift and spend some time together Thomas the writer: I sure will, since it getting late, I might as well go and see her. Thanks again Prosecutie Prosecutie: no problem Thomas, have a good time And so Prosecutie see his friend walk off and heading back to town to catch the train to canterlot. Prosecutie enjoy his ice cream for a moment, knowing that he done a good job. That was uncle ancient wisdom Done a little Valentine’s Day story, it was fun to write and hope everyone enjoy the story. Guest characters Pinkie Pie: ask-valo-the-pony-drawer Prosecutie: ask-prosecutie

[kennethmontiveros]

“What’s a good conversion rate for my landing page?” [New AI-Backed Research]

Imagine you’re an ecommerce business using landing pages to sell sweaters for miniature pigs. Recently, you’ve done a round of A/B testing—adding a little more oink to your calls to action, let’s say—and tweaked your social ad targeting to reach the hardcore piggy people on Instagram. 

After all your optimization efforts, your landing pages now convert at 3.57%. 

But actually…even if it’s a big improvement against your personal baseline, how do you know you should stop there? How do you know that your hard-earned conversion rate is worth celebrating? Heck, how would you even know if a 30% conversion rate is any good for pages in your industry? (Maybe everyone’s getting a fat return off of pig sweaters but you.)

It’s hard to be confident in the numbers when you don’t know how everybody else is doing. Doubt settles in. Maybe you’re missing out on reaching your conversion potential without even knowing it.

Well, we feel your pain. That’s why, at Unbounce, we’re on a continuing mission to answer the big question for you. It’s the one we hear time and again from our customers:

“What’s a good, bad, or average conversion rate for my landing pages?” 

That’s where industry benchmarks come in—and that’s why we’re thrilled to bring you a fresh (and free) new version of our Conversion Benchmark Report. 

Benchmarks can energize your digital marketing strategy in three big ways:

They’re a form of competitive intelligence. They help you identify gaps between your performance and what the rest of your industry considers to be a good conversion rate. 

Our benchmarks reveal data-supported best practices, and you’ll waste less time and traffic testing unproven optimizations that our machine learning analysis shows don’t necessarily work. 

They help you build a culture of continuous improvement in your organization. It’s harder for your marketing team to be happy with “just okay” if they’re seeing something to strive for.

Sure, some folks like to pooh-pooh industry benchmarking—“Why should I care how other marketers are converting? Why don’t I just focus on how I’m doing?”—but they’re your best window into what success really looks like. Going forward blindly, when you could have both eyes on the prize, is just silly. Oh, and these benchmarks were generated with help from an honest-to-goodness AI crunching millions of conversions, so the results are far more reliable than the anecdotal best practices often found online. As part of the Unbounce Conversion Intelligence approach to digital marketing, these machine-derived insights help you pair your hard-earned expertise with AI to create the highest-converting campaigns of your career.

Introducing the 2020 Conversion Benchmark Report

This year’s Conversion Benchmark Report uses machine learning to assist our data team in analyzing 186.9 million visits to 34,132 Unbounce-built landing pages. In terms of sample size, we analyzed more visits to these pages than the populations of Canada, Hong Kong, Mexico, Laos, and Ireland combined. 

For full context, the previous (2017) version of this report was also built on machine learning insights, but in three years we’ve refined our approach to provide tons more real, proprietary customer data to feed the machine. Now we have even better, more reliable outputs—as well as a few new ways to break down our findings, like by conversion goal. (These are boundaries we’re going to keep pushing, too.)

But what kind of info does the report contain? For one thing, you’ll find median conversion rates broken down to 16 key industries. In many cases, we’ve got wide enough sample sizes to sort them into subcategories too, so you can see how your brother’s pest control service measures up against your sister’s HVAC company. (Or how your uncle’s cybersecurity software converts against your great aunt’s cloud accounting platform.)

The Conversion Benchmark Report includes 16 industries broken down into dozens of subcategories.

Why do we report on median instead of average (mean)? Our goal is to provide you with a realistic picture of where you stand, so this year’s report lists median conversion rates as our measure of central tendency instead of the mean. We found this reduces the impact of outliers (like pages that convert five times better than the rest) on the final benchmarks.

Not clear enough? Then imagine you want to find out, on average, how many eyes people have. The median tells us they have two eyes. According to the mean, though, they have slightly less than two. Because outliers (people with one or fewer eyes) bring that number down.

Both these measures are correct, but which one would you prefer to rely on if your business is selling sunglasses?

What if your industry doesn’t appear in the report? For this year’s report, we’ve tried to be even more representative. With machine learning helping us to sort thousands of landing pages in a logical way, we’ve increased the number of industries covered from 10 to 16, and we’ve even added subcategories whenever sample sizes allow.

If you still don’t see yourself represented, though, compare your conversion rates to industries with similar audiences and conversion goals. While we don’t actually recommend comparisons between very unrelated industries (except for fun), let your judgment be your guide. 

A note on COVID-19. The conversion data in this report comes from 2019, so we realize it shows norms that have been disrupted for some vulnerable industries—like travel, events and leisure, restaurants, and medical practitioners. These benchmarks show what you can expect in stable periods, and they provide insights about how your visitors typically behave (and why they convert). We hope they’ll help you set up your digital campaigns for success—and inspire your rebound. If you face uncertainty, though, please also check out the COVID-19 Small Business Care Package for a roundup of useful resources to help lessen the impact on your business.

Below, I go into more detail about the findings and insights we’ve been able to pull from them. But if you’ve got an itchy mouse-finger, you can jump right into the Conversion Benchmark Report now. (It’ll open in a new tab.)

Going beyond the benchmarks

Benchmarks are tremendously helpful, for all the reasons I talked about above. (If you work for an agency, you know this already. They’re a baller way of showing the value of what you do—and helping clients determine their true conversion potential.) 

How do I best communicate with my target audience? 

In copywriting circles, the received wisdom is that clarity comes above all else. If you’re looking to put up the fewest hurdles possible between audience and offer, it can make sense to keep your vocabulary basic and your sentences tight and untangled.

Our data, however, complicates this equation. Is simple always better? Nope. It turns out that different industries tend to convert more often at different reading levels (and some see weaker relationships between conversion rates and readability than others). 

There are even cases in which it’s good to sound sophisticated. B2B companies offering lead-gen consulting or instruction, for instance, appear to benefit from more challenging language. We see a drop in conversion rates as pages become easier to understand. (Frankly, that’s not what we expected.)

When it comes to reading ease, pages for lead-gen consultants appear to benefit from being harder to read.

Our machine learning analysis enabled us to look at copy from 34 thousand pages. Each page is assigned a Flesch reading ease score based on the average number of syllables per word and words per sentence. More syllables and more words means more…harder.

Here’s roughly how the scoring breaks down:

What’s the perf word length for my landing pages?

While it’s true that shorter pages tend to convert better, many industries have sweet spots that break the rule—which means, if you’re going to create a long-form landing page, you should go this long. This is especially true in the wild territories beyond 200 words, where unexpected correlations between length and conversion rate have led many a marketer astray.

At what length do landing pages for family services convert best? The graph provides answers.

Depending on your offer and industry, you may find that you need to use more words to get your point across, but graphs like the one above can let you know what’s ideal. For family services, that’s 300-500 words (if you can’t get it shorter than 150 words). For other industries, it can be more or less. Whatever the case, creating variants based on our findings can definitely be a good candidate for A/B testing or Smart Traffic.

What emotions might relate to better conversion rates?

You likely know in your gut that people’s feelings can impact their decision to buy, but which ones actually drive conversions on your landing pages? To find out, we ran an ML-powered sentiment analysis that looked at emotion-associated words that might relate to healthy conversion rates—and which might even be slowing you down. 

(Spoiler: using trust words isn’t always advisable. “Trust us.”)

For SaaS, the concentration of anticipation words on a landing page correlates with its conversion rate.

When it comes to SaaS conversions, for instance, it turns out that language that conveys anticipation (words like gradual, highest, improve, and launch) sometimes correlates with better conversion rates. Or, to put it another way: as we find more of these words, we also often tend to see better conversion performance.

You can explore this example, and many others, in the report.

A good conversion rate is one you can improve upon.

When it comes down to brass tacks, all this benchmarking is valuable insofar as you can use it to build a better conversion machine from what you learn. How do you do it?

Explore the insights in this report. The report is broken down into 16 industries. How are your landing pages stacking up against the baseline? Are you way out ahead? Are you falling behind? Start with your industry, sure, but take a look at others too. There may be insights that are worth exploring outside your own arena.

Apply the data learnings to your own campaigns. Create a variant (or more than one variant) of your page that applies some of the insights we’ve provided. For example, you might dial down the jargon until you hit the optimal Flesch reading score. (You can use the free readability formula tool here to test it for yourself.)

Optimize and test. Keep in mind that data analysis reveals trends and tendencies rather than absolutes. You’re making informed decisions when you apply these learnings, but testing is still your best way to confirm. Run A/B tests or, if you’re short on the time or traffic to do so, just publish your variants and turn on Smart Traffic in the Unbounce Builder. It’ll use machine learning to automatically decide which variant is right for which visitors, and it’s otherwise hands-off. (If you’re looking for more ideas on how to build variants, I’d recommend this post from Garrett too.)

In short, this year’s report uses ML to identify opportunities you simply couldn’t spot without the processing power of a machine. Optimizing your pages doesn’t have to be aspirational. We believe this is the future of digital marketing—and, going forward, you’re going to see more and more efforts like this from Unbounce to help you enhance the skills you already have. (If you’re curious about what else we have planned, you can read more about our push to bring you Conversion Intelligence.)

Whether you sell pig sweaters, chicken harnesses, or something altogether more practical—are you confident enough to swagger into your next meeting, snap your suspenders, fire those finger-guns in your boss’s direction, and let everyone know about your team’s big win? “Soooooooo-ie!”

Take a gander at the 2020 Conversion Benchmark Report, and let us know what you think in the comments below.

“What’s a good conversion rate for my landing page?” [New AI-Backed Research] published first on http://nickpontemktg.blogspot.com/

[josephkchoi]

“What’s a good conversion rate for my landing page?” [New AI-Backed Research]

Imagine you’re an ecommerce business using landing pages to sell sweaters for miniature pigs. Recently, you’ve done a round of A/B testing—adding a little more oink to your calls to action, let’s say—and tweaked your social ad targeting to reach the hardcore piggy people on Instagram. 

After all your optimization efforts, your landing pages now convert at 3.57%. 

But actually…even if it’s a big improvement against your personal baseline, how do you know you should stop there? How do you know that your hard-earned conversion rate is worth celebrating? Heck, how would you even know if a 30% conversion rate is any good for pages in your industry? (Maybe everyone’s getting a fat return off of pig sweaters but you.)

It’s hard to be confident in the numbers when you don’t know how everybody else is doing. Doubt settles in. Maybe you’re missing out on reaching your conversion potential without even knowing it.

Well, we feel your pain. That’s why, at Unbounce, we’re on a continuing mission to answer the big question for you. It’s the one we hear time and again from our customers:

“What’s a good, bad, or average conversion rate for my landing pages?” 

That’s where industry benchmarks come in—and that’s why we’re thrilled to bring you a fresh (and free) new version of our Conversion Benchmark Report. 

Benchmarks can energize your digital marketing strategy in three big ways:

They’re a form of competitive intelligence. They help you identify gaps between your performance and what the rest of your industry considers to be a good conversion rate. 

Our benchmarks reveal data-supported best practices, and you’ll waste less time and traffic testing unproven optimizations that our machine learning analysis shows don’t necessarily work. 

They help you build a culture of continuous improvement in your organization. It’s harder for your marketing team to be happy with “just okay” if they’re seeing something to strive for.

Sure, some folks like to pooh-pooh industry benchmarking—“Why should I care how other marketers are converting? Why don’t I just focus on how I’m doing?”—but they’re your best window into what success really looks like. Going forward blindly, when you could have both eyes on the prize, is just silly. Oh, and these benchmarks were generated with help from an honest-to-goodness AI crunching millions of conversions, so the results are far more reliable than the anecdotal best practices often found online. As part of the Unbounce Conversion Intelligence approach to digital marketing, these machine-derived insights help you pair your hard-earned expertise with AI to create the highest-converting campaigns of your career.

Introducing the 2020 Conversion Benchmark Report

This year’s Conversion Benchmark Report uses machine learning to assist our data team in analyzing 186.9 million visits to 34,132 Unbounce-built landing pages. In terms of sample size, we analyzed more visits to these pages than the populations of Canada, Hong Kong, Mexico, Laos, and Ireland combined. 

For full context, the previous (2017) version of this report was also built on machine learning insights, but in three years we’ve refined our approach to provide tons more real, proprietary customer data to feed the machine. Now we have even better, more reliable outputs—as well as a few new ways to break down our findings, like by conversion goal. (These are boundaries we’re going to keep pushing, too.)

But what kind of info does the report contain? For one thing, you’ll find median conversion rates broken down to 16 key industries. In many cases, we’ve got wide enough sample sizes to sort them into subcategories too, so you can see how your brother’s pest control service measures up against your sister’s HVAC company. (Or how your uncle’s cybersecurity software converts against your great aunt’s cloud accounting platform.)

The Conversion Benchmark Report includes 16 industries broken down into dozens of subcategories.

Why do we report on median instead of average (mean)? Our goal is to provide you with a realistic picture of where you stand, so this year’s report lists median conversion rates as our measure of central tendency instead of the mean. We found this reduces the impact of outliers (like pages that convert five times better than the rest) on the final benchmarks.

Not clear enough? Then imagine you want to find out, on average, how many eyes people have. The median tells us they have two eyes. According to the mean, though, they have slightly less than two. Because outliers (people with one or fewer eyes) bring that number down.

Both these measures are correct, but which one would you prefer to rely on if your business is selling sunglasses?

What if your industry doesn’t appear in the report? For this year’s report, we’ve tried to be even more representative. With machine learning helping us to sort thousands of landing pages in a logical way, we’ve increased the number of industries covered from 10 to 16, and we’ve even added subcategories whenever sample sizes allow.

If you still don’t see yourself represented, though, compare your conversion rates to industries with similar audiences and conversion goals. While we don’t actually recommend comparisons between very unrelated industries (except for fun), let your judgment be your guide. 

A note on COVID-19. The conversion data in this report comes from 2019, so we realize it shows norms that have been disrupted for some vulnerable industries—like travel, events and leisure, restaurants, and medical practitioners. These benchmarks show what you can expect in stable periods, and they provide insights about how your visitors typically behave (and why they convert). We hope they’ll help you set up your digital campaigns for success—and inspire your rebound. If you face uncertainty, though, please also check out the COVID-19 Small Business Care Package for a roundup of useful resources to help lessen the impact on your business.

Below, I go into more detail about the findings and insights we’ve been able to pull from them. But if you’ve got an itchy mouse-finger, you can jump right into the Conversion Benchmark Report now. (It’ll open in a new tab.)

Going beyond the benchmarks

Benchmarks are tremendously helpful, for all the reasons I talked about above. (If you work for an agency, you know this already. They’re a baller way of showing the value of what you do—and helping clients determine their true conversion potential.) 

How do I best communicate with my target audience? 

In copywriting circles, the received wisdom is that clarity comes above all else. If you’re looking to put up the fewest hurdles possible between audience and offer, it can make sense to keep your vocabulary basic and your sentences tight and untangled.

Our data, however, complicates this equation. Is simple always better? Nope. It turns out that different industries tend to convert more often at different reading levels (and some see weaker relationships between conversion rates and readability than others). 

There are even cases in which it’s good to sound sophisticated. B2B companies offering lead-gen consulting or instruction, for instance, appear to benefit from more challenging language. We see a drop in conversion rates as pages become easier to understand. (Frankly, that’s not what we expected.)

When it comes to reading ease, pages for lead-gen consultants appear to benefit from being harder to read.

Our machine learning analysis enabled us to look at copy from 34 thousand pages. Each page is assigned a Flesch reading ease score based on the average number of syllables per word and words per sentence. More syllables and more words means more…harder.

Here’s roughly how the scoring breaks down:

What’s the perf word length for my landing pages?

While it’s true that shorter pages tend to convert better, many industries have sweet spots that break the rule—which means, if you’re going to create a long-form landing page, you should go this long. This is especially true in the wild territories beyond 200 words, where unexpected correlations between length and conversion rate have led many a marketer astray.

At what length do landing pages for family services convert best? The graph provides answers.

Depending on your offer and industry, you may find that you need to use more words to get your point across, but graphs like the one above can let you know what’s ideal. For family services, that’s 300-500 words (if you can’t get it shorter than 150 words). For other industries, it can be more or less. Whatever the case, creating variants based on our findings can definitely be a good candidate for A/B testing or Smart Traffic.

What emotions might relate to better conversion rates?

You likely know in your gut that people’s feelings can impact their decision to buy, but which ones actually drive conversions on your landing pages? To find out, we ran an ML-powered sentiment analysis that looked at emotion-associated words that might relate to healthy conversion rates—and which might even be slowing you down. 

(Spoiler: using trust words isn’t always advisable. “Trust us.”)

For SaaS, the concentration of anticipation words on a landing page correlates with its conversion rate.

When it comes to SaaS conversions, for instance, it turns out that language that conveys anticipation (words like gradual, highest, improve, and launch) sometimes correlates with better conversion rates. Or, to put it another way: as we find more of these words, we also often tend to see better conversion performance.

You can explore this example, and many others, in the report.

A good conversion rate is one you can improve upon.

When it comes down to brass tacks, all this benchmarking is valuable insofar as you can use it to build a better conversion machine from what you learn. How do you do it?

Explore the insights in this report. The report is broken down into 16 industries. How are your landing pages stacking up against the baseline? Are you way out ahead? Are you falling behind? Start with your industry, sure, but take a look at others too. There may be insights that are worth exploring outside your own arena.

Apply the data learnings to your own campaigns. Create a variant (or more than one variant) of your page that applies some of the insights we’ve provided. For example, you might dial down the jargon until you hit the optimal Flesch reading score. (You can use the free readability formula tool here to test it for yourself.)

Optimize and test. Keep in mind that data analysis reveals trends and tendencies rather than absolutes. You’re making informed decisions when you apply these learnings, but testing is still your best way to confirm. Run A/B tests or, if you’re short on the time or traffic to do so, just publish your variants and turn on Smart Traffic in the Unbounce Builder. It’ll use machine learning to automatically decide which variant is right for which visitors, and it’s otherwise hands-off. (If you’re looking for more ideas on how to build variants, I’d recommend this post from Garrett too.)

In short, this year’s report uses ML to identify opportunities you simply couldn’t spot without the processing power of a machine. Optimizing your pages doesn’t have to be aspirational. We believe this is the future of digital marketing—and, going forward, you’re going to see more and more efforts like this from Unbounce to help you enhance the skills you already have. (If you’re curious about what else we have planned, you can read more about our push to bring you Conversion Intelligence.)

Whether you sell pig sweaters, chicken harnesses, or something altogether more practical—are you confident enough to swagger into your next meeting, snap your suspenders, fire those finger-guns in your boss’s direction, and let everyone know about your team’s big win? “Soooooooo-ie!”

Take a gander at the 2020 Conversion Benchmark Report, and let us know what you think in the comments below.

“What’s a good conversion rate for my landing page?” [New AI-Backed Research] published first on https://nickpontemrktg.wordpress.com/