#unauthorized fucking things blow them up now

[huntersapprentice]

hunter when the "oh yeah, I am an artist, I can draw whatever I want" kicks in

[jennicatzies]

WILL THESE DAMN 🎺 BOTS STAY OFF MY BLOG RAAAGH 🤺🤺🤺

I literally just got a notif for 5 consecutive follows and ALL OF THEM. AAAAAALL OF THEM WERE 🎺 BOTS. Head in hands emoji.

Your weekly dose of Jenn art will be provided eventually im just stuck in finals at the moment

[automatonknight]

sorry to literally make a 2fort diary out of my blog but it makes me happy. i followed our demo into our intel room because i like to escort teammates sometimes for fun and they ask me in chat if i want to do "the intel funny". i have a vague understanding of what an "intel funny" could be and i love mischief so of course i nod my head excitedly so they drop their intel, i pick it up, we stare at eachother as it becomes apparent i do not know how to actually drop it so they tell me in chat (very nice), another demo joins us and we have an annoucement spam party

[glitchyred]

Hi so Baby Hotline (aka the Bad Egg/PokeSpe Horror fic for those who have been following me longer) has gotten a lot more attention/praise than I was expecting LMFAO but people are starting to ask how the Bad Egg works. I did have a lore dump about it in the rough draft (it was written in the format of an email a researcher was writing) but ultimately scrapped it because it felt too clunky and I also realized that even if I offhandedly mentioned Gold surviving people still might not think he would've like recovered, so I decided to stick with Silver's POV through the ending

HOWEVER since people are interested here's a giant infodump about some of the lore I came up with, warning it will be long and also include gross alien anatomy/parasite stuff as well as descriptions of dead animals (pokemon), and of course massive warning for Horror. Viewer discretion advised and all that

So the first question on a lot people's minds is probably "where did they come from", which uhh. Doesn't really have an answer! Silver's assessment of the situation, "someone somewhere is fucking with something" is about as clear as it gets. These things are being created because something is going horribly wrong and the universe might be collapsing a little tiny bit. The Bad Eggs are hardly the only sign of this that exists (if I write sequels you'll see what I mean) but they are the most immediately alarming because they 1. Are very good at killing things and 2. Reproduce quickly. Who exactly is causing their appearance is a story for another day (aka I haven't gotten there yet LMAO)

-

... okay, so fair warning in advance, you will really need suspension of disbelief on this one. It's hard making glitch Pokémon "make sense" when glitches are pretty much just code not being able to make sense of itself. Additionally this will probably be pretty "why you shouldn't explain The Horrors"-y but I think the implications of this thing are terrifying enough on their own for it to be okay to ruin the reader's imagination a bit. It's all optional info anyways

Initially, as mentioned in the fic, these seemed to only affect wild egg-laying Pokémon, and began to randomly pop up throughout Japan, with the most condensed populations in Hoenn and Kanto. Bird-like Pokémon in these areas were seemingly dropping like flies and locals would report living specimens acting strangely, like they were disoriented or hallucinating. Dead ones would be found with wounds littering their legs and undersides with a majority of their blood drained.

It took researchers a while to figure out what was happening here, for a variety of reasons. Mainly, nobody really thought to check if the eggs Themselves were you know. Blood-sucking parasites because who would think that initially. They just seemed like duds, and researchers were chalking everything up to some other form of undiscovered parasite that they couldn't find any evidence of. It wasn't until someone (with alarming difficulty) managed to cut one of the "dud" eggs in half (after noticing they couldnt be cracked), revealing the whole thing to be a living organism with a stomach where the baby should be, that scientists went "Oh. Oh no."

While scientists were figuring that out, they figured they had no reason to worry about this happening to capitve-bred Eggs. "Eggs" (capital E) aren't the same thing as "eggs". While there's a lot of scientific theories about them, the best explanation anyone has for how they actually work is Johto myths about them being literal gifts from gods delivered by Celebi which is. Amusingly enough probably accurate, because it's Pokémon. So when Elm's colleague found an unhatchable Egg and one of the people working with it fell ill after staying with it a few days, nobody had any reason to assume it was much more than a coincidence. And then the events of Baby Hotline happened.

As for how these things work, their anatomy is very . Alien JDJQJDJ

They're very, very overly literal versions of the term "brood parasite" (a bird that lays its eggs in the nests of other birds species, leaving them to feed its chick(s)). They pretend to be eggs (or Eggs) to feed on a host's blood so they can reproduce. For the first day or so a Bad Egg is in a nest, it puts out a pheromone that makes it incredibly appealing to nearby Pokémon. This usually makes the mother of the brood pay special attention to it, but can also cause egg-eating Pokémon to fall victim to its bullshit. Once the egg has chosen a host and fed for the first time, it shifts gears into the opposite - it willingly repulses other Pokémon away, preventing anything else from attempting to harm its now-vulnerable host. (This doesn't work out great for Eggy because a Trainer's Pokémon tend to you know. Defend them from things they find threatening)

Bad Eggs are capable of breaking and manipulating their own shell, which is significantly thicker than an actual Egg's. Using Struggle, their only move, they can slice small wounds into their host's skin. On and under the surface of their shells is a thin layer of toxin they basically inject into their host's body during this process - on the surface, its pretty much Just an anticoagulant with some muscle relaxing properties, making feeding easier and keeping the host complacent, and it's even fairly mild. However, it stays in the host's body for a good while, meaning repeated feedings inject more and more of this stuff in them, eventually resulting in more side effects - excessive fatigue, headaches, nausea, and eventually delirium and hallucinations. Victims usually don't actually die from blood loss alone, but from the compounded effects of the venom along with eventual dehydration/starvation.

Once the shell is fully broken, it reveals what's functionally its "mouth" - it looks exactly like the shell and takes up the whole "body", but instead of hard and smooth, it's soft and absorbent. Underneath that layer is the egg's very gross alien anatomy; to skim over that, it's got some very primitive vocal chords it uses to (somewhat poorly) imitate the sounds of a baby bird, and some muscles for rocking itself more effectively. All three of those layers are extremely difficult to cause physically damage to and heal quickly if any harm is successfully enacted. The rest of its body from there is just Stomach. It feeds as much as it can until it's host dies, so it's stomach can actually expand if necessary (hence it endlessly getting heavier). It can regrow the shell at any time to maintain appearances, but usually stops doing this by the time the host is too far gone to care.

Fortunately for their victims, if the host at any point gets dragged away from the Egg for extended periods of time, the Egg is basically powerless and the host can usually recover. Physically, anyway, because they're probably Super traumatized after that experience.

I've mentioned a few times that these things reproduce. The problem is that nobody knows how this happens, given nobody has seen actual evidence of it happening, just that it Does. Shortly after the host dies or leaves, the Egg goes dormant for about half an hour before suddenly returning to the state it was in before it ever had a host. It's stomach empties completely, and about a week later, with little more warning, there's more reports of Bad Eggs and dead birds - and given that when Elm returns to confiscate and dispose of Eggy it seems like the reproduction process already occurred, there's... probably going to be some dead Humans in the not-too-far future , too.

And thats about it on the Bad Egg lore like comment and subscribe happy November 1st I'm focusing on other things nowJDJQJSJWJJE

[semisentientseafood]

UNAUTHORIZED FUCKING THINGS BLOW THEM UP NOW

[royalphantompain]

[evilmafuyu666]

kanamafu 🤍💜

unauthorized fucking things blow them up now

[shrowdly]

unauthorized fucking things blow them up NOW

sillies belong to my BESTIIIIE @eggsinthewind

[bogchampion]

tagged by @happyhappysparkle to do 15 context-free bullet points of my wip, except it's easier to just do chronological highlights from Tristan's entire story, which probably won't ever be written out in full but fuck it

nice neighbor saves your life

one month sick leave

that's NOT a normal reaction

congrats he's adopted you now

welcome to nerd city

romantic dangerous field trips

what if i wasn't awful anymore

three of them (twice)

get whacked idiot

get electrocuted idiot

unauthorized fucking thing blow it up

get on your horse

border collie children

kills you with my beautiful mind

for auld lang syne...

[sekaiijijou]

unauthorized fucking things blow them up NOW‼️‼️‼️

[ophiocordyceps]

got the full version of ultrakill yesterday and the most important lesson ive learned is i fucking HATE THE HIDEOUS MASSES !!!! UNAUTHORIZED FUCKING THINGS BLOW THEM UP RIGHT FUCKING NOW‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼‼

[gwalafell]

UNAUTHORIZED fucking things blow them up NOW

[jazz-kitty]

Also if u want to share what are some of ur reborn headcannons? I absolutely love hearing other peoples headcannons sm!

hi

fern and florinia live in an apartment together in onyx ward. technically fern doesn't live anywhere and sleeps in pokecenters after he dipped from their parents house. however he is still just some kid, and a very stupid one at that, so florinia has a room for him anyways. it's collecting dust

lin's the tallest character of the cast by a long shot- she's like 7 feet tall and wears heels and everyone else has to deal with it. followed by *technically* taka but he slouches so much that he's average tall-people height anyways. then solaris, then serra, then whoever else afterwards because i dont think about it that much. blakes short

blake and lumi are friends. eve begrudgingly accepts this, and he babysits her whenever eve's off breaking the geneva convention. he got her a tamagotchi and tried his best along with ace and taka to give zeL as decent a childhood as he could

blake, lumi, cal, eve and serra can all ice skate. don't have a reason besides they live in cold place or they are ice type trainer. but i ice skate and i didn't learn how to do camel spins for nothing so now every character in media must know how to ice skate

florinia is very good at claw machines. julia is very bad at claw machines. florinia thinks claw machines are a waste of time and money and arcades are a scam. smash cut to florinia doing a claw machine anyways because julia really wants this one cheap pikachu plushie that cost 75 cents to manufacture

cain spends way too much money buying specialized pokeballs and stickers/charms for them just so all of his pokemon can match and have cute pokeballs. his nidokings in a loveball and he most definitely wasted a master ball on a common pokemon because it's purple and he thought it would look cute in one

ferns scared of bugs. unauthorized fucking thing blow it up NOW

[majormeilani]

train² is the funniest rarepair bc conductor and empress are such cunts and it's funny asf to see empress like carrying conductor like a little purse dog or something and if someone crosses the two of them they just are like unauthorized fucking thing. blow it up now. with no hesitation

[gumy-shark]

SENDING YOU A VELUZA

HAVE FUN

what the fuck is a veluza <- she has not played scarlet or violet and knows nothing about them

*spongebob voice* one google search later:

UNAUTHORIZED FUCKING THING BLOW IT UP NOW!!! (/pos)

[hibiscus-ships]

💫 Hiii Jenni tell me about Tieria❤️

I wanna talk about this man's mobile suit. Virtue as a whole is the epitome of "UNAUTHORIZED FUCKING THING. BLOW IT UP NOW." This thing's got four shoulder cannons and two bazookas, and it's built like a home computer from the 90s. Of course it can't move very fast, since it's a bulky suit, and its not good at melee attacks, but that doesn't matter when you can just hit your opponents with your massive pink fuckoff beam from 20 miles away. They simply will not get close to you if you don't let them. :) 🌺

Oh and there is just a whole other suit that is in there too but you're not supposed to know that