#umbrella tree ~ kogasa

[gensokyogarden]

"Hey you there. There's a surprise under the readmore."

"Boo!"

[netmomplus]

“Picnics Aren’t Supposed to Go Like This” - Touhou Secret Santa 2022

Hi there @axcicos, I’m your @touhousecretsanta this year. I ended up writing a story, it’s mostly Kogaban/Kogabanki but features Koishi in an important role. I’ve never written Koishi before, but she seems really fun so I wanted to try it out, and hopefully you like it. ~~~ There was a place not too far from the Human Village where one could go to get just as much privacy as they could ever want. It was somewhere between the village itself and the Forest of Magic, and its proximity to the latter made most humans too fearful to venture too close. After all, dangerous monsters were said to lurk in those woods, and one false move could cause one to vanish as if they never existed. For a couple of youkai, however, it wasn’t an issue at all, especially since youkai didn’t typically eat each other. At least, one would think.

Case in point, said “couple of youkai” had decided to use this spot as a private place for picnics and such. It being a comfortably warm summer day especially made this a perfect spot to enjoy a bit of privacy. One was carrying the food in wicker baskets purchased from a store in the Human Village, while the other carried tea for the both of them. Conveniently for the tea carrier, she had a couple extra helping hands – or really heads – to assist in the endeavor.

“Kogasa,” complained the aforementioned youkai, one Sekibanki. “Can you please tell me why you chose literally right outside the village for our date?”

“Banki, I thought I made it really clear,” Kogasa responded, “it’s isolated, but it’s also outdoors. I specifically chose this spot because no one ever comes around here, you told me that was your only real criteria. Aren’t you tired of having all our dates in the back of my smithy?”

“Not really, it’s quiet there. And no humans can see us. That’s why I like it so much.”

“Banki, you sure complain a lot…”

With a sigh, Kogasa stopped at a point. There was enough space for the both of them to sit down with all of their stuff. Reaching into a basket, she pulled out a blanket and spread it out onto the ground below. She would then kneel down onto the blanket and place down the baskets, beckoning Sekibanki to do the same with the tea. Thankfully, Banki didn’t make much of a fuss as she did so.

“Thank you, Banki. Now, if you’ll excuse me…”

Kogasa looked down at the umbrella she was carrying. She scratched her head when she noticed the geta it was wearing… did she always have a geta there? She wondered if that would make sticking the umbrella into the blanket as a makeshift parasol more awkward, but she might as well give it a try anyway. Given that the umbrella was the other half of her being, she didn’t want to break anything, so after a deep breath, she shifted her hands along its shaft, hoping to get a good angle. She then lifted her hands in preparation, before thrusting them downward, and…

Voila! The umbrella was perfectly stuck right in the middle of the blanket. She gave a small clap in triumph, prompting Sekibanki to give a soft smirk in response.

“Bravo,” Sekibanki commented. “You stuck yourself into some dirt. Maybe you’ll grow leaves if we leave you for too long.”

“Hah, very funny. Imagine if we stuck one of your heads in the dirt. They don’t need to breathe, so they’d be fine. Do you think we’d get a tree of Bankis eventually?”

In response, Banki could only shrug.

“Me’s a crowd, Kogasa, what can I say-”

“Haha, yep, more than one of any person at any given time would be pretty weird.”

Both partners were greeted with the sound of a voice that neither recognized. Freezing up, they kept looking around, only to not see whoever the voice was coming from. At first both suspected it was the other trying to play a prank on them, but no, that voice was definitely too young and innocent sounding for either of them to pull off. Kogasa pulled her umbrella out from the blanket, while Sekibanki nabbed one of her spare heads and prepared to chuck it at whoever the voice belonged to.

“...whoever this is,” Sekibanki threatened, “if you don’t show up right now, I’m throwing this severed head at you.”

It did not take long for them to get a response.

“Well that’s just gross. Fine, but only because I don’t want a severed head thrown at me.”

Rather than make some kind of grand entrance, the individual in question simply walked into the girls’ point of view. She was… unmistakably a youkai, given the odd purple strands surrounding her and the orb near where her heart would be. The green hair and dress with a mustard yellow shirt was certainly a choice, fashion-wise, but that was hardly the issue here. The real issue was why this random girl was interrupting their date with quips to begin with.

“I just wanted to say hi, there’s no need for threats of violence.”

“T-this was meant to be private.” Kogasa’s voice broke into a stutter. “You can’t just interrupt people while they’re on dates like this.”

“Oh.” The green-haired woman paused. Despite it seeming like this would be where she would think about what was going on, both the others noticed that her stare seemed awfully vacant. Almost as if she wasn’t thinking at all. “Sorry! I’ve been bored. Nothing interesting’s been going on at that old temple, so I’m just walking around until I find something interesting.”

“...the old temple? Kogasa, do you know who this is?”

This prompted Kogasa to try and remember if, or when, she had met this girl before. She did frequent the Myouren Temple in an effort to surprise visitors, but she didn’t really pay attention to who was there and when. Still, something about this girl seemed familiar, like she saw her once or twice, maybe even had a conversation with her. Even with that though, she couldn’t really place it. She somehow both stood out and didn’t at the same time.

“...to tell the truth, Banki, if I have met her, then I can’t remember where, or when.”

“Oh jeez, you don’t remember? That’s okay, people forget me all the time, and that’s okay with me.” The girl stopped and tipped her hat. “I’m Koishi Komeiji. I’m a satori, but I’m sure you knew that already. Don’t worry, I won’t read your mind, I closed my eye so I can’t do that anymore.”

“O-oh, you’re a satori. Okay, uh, what a relief about the mind thing,” Kogasa chimed, adding an awkward laugh for a bit of levity. She then gave her trademark face, a wink with her tongue sticking out.

“I’m Kogasa Tatara, a karakasa-obake, but you can just call me an umbrella.”

“...Sekibanki. Just Sekibanki.” The redheaded youkai crossed her arms and huffed. “Rokurokubi, dullahan, whatever you want to call me… still a youkai.”

 “Nice to meet you both! I’m sorry for interrupting your date again, but before I get going, can I ask you two a question?”

Oh great, she wanted to ask a question before she left. This at least implied that she was leaving soon, right? That very possibility seemed to make Sekibanki feel some sort of relief. Just please, finally, let them have some proper privacy.

“Ask away then,” Sekibanki promptly said.

“How come you’re so obsessed with making this so private? It’s Gensokyo, I doubt anyone’s going to bat an eye at two ladies going on a date, right?”

That question was enough to give the couple pause. They both knew the answer to that in the back of their mind, but it was largely a slow race - maybe even an anti-race - to see who would answer first. Ultimately it would be Kogasa who finally spoke up.

“I-it’s actually… Banki’s preference. W-would you like me to elaborate on that for you, dear, or…”

“I can explain it.” Sekibanki took a sip of tea, then crossed her arms and sighed. “It’s simple, really. I don’t want humans knowing that I’m going on a date with a youkai.”

“I mean,” Koishi interrupted, tilting her head, “it’s kind of obvious you’re a youkai, though. You still have your other heads floating around you.”

Sekibanki looked to her side and saw that Koishi was right on the money. Not only did she have two heads floating about minding their own business, but she was still holding one like a projectile. She sighed.

“Well, I don’t usually go around the Human Village with my heads around. My entire thing is living incognito, gathering information on the goings on inside that village, maybe using a head to scare people on occasion. If I blow my cover, no one would be willing to associate with me. And how am I supposed to work when no one is willing to give me information?”

“Oh! So you’re insecure about your social status! That’s okay, a lot of people are like that!” Koishi gave her a smile, even as she occasionally glanced at the basket of food. “Isn’t out here pretty hard to notice, though? Are you just that paranoid that someone will catch you?”

Sekibanki did not answer. Even as Kogasa gave her a knowing look, she remained silent for a good few minutes. So what if this random girl was right? She didn’t want to admit it! Despite that, she found that she was nodding her head anyway. It definitely wasn’t Koishi forcing it, just her stupid conscience working on its own.

“F-fine, fine. I am.” Sekibanki’s voice had an unusual level of snappiness to it. “I am worried about it. And I’m tired of complaining about it all the time, it makes me feel so dang entitled. So there, I’m being honest. You happy?“

“Well, I don't feel emotions really, so you’re asking the wrong person.” Koishi then turned to face Kogasa, who had been largely silent for the past several minutes. “Are you happy?”

“W-what? No, no I’m not happy to hear that. Why would I be happy that Banki’s upset?”

“I don’t know. Maybe you two should talk about it.” Koishi shrugged as she reached into the picnic basket and grabbed a sandwich. “Ooh, Western style food. For looking so old fashioned, you sure do have modern taste, miss umbrella!”

“W-wait, that’s not yours-”

“Thanks for the food, bye!”

“Hold on, get back here with that…!”

Despite both of their efforts, neither Kogasa nor Sekibanki could stop Koishi from escaping with the sandwich. After all, it seemed she had simply disappeared from thin air in the moments in between blinks. The only evidence that she had even been there was the fact that there was a missing sandwich to begin with. The group gave each other glances, deeply puzzled.

“Did… did that girl just show up to take our food?” Kogasa asked, tilting her head.

“...I think so,” Sekibanki admitted. Crossing her arms, she knelt back down onto the blanket. “Can we go ahead and eat what we have now? I’m starving.”

“S-sure, but uh…” Kogasa’s voice stammered as she sat down, sticking her umbrella back into the blanket. “Can we talk about what you said? And… perhaps I can offer my apologies?”

“...what is there to apologize for?” Sekibanki huffed, her mouth covered by her long collar. “I’m the one who was freaking out. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“N-no, I… I was the one who pushed this place. I really should have listened to you and looked for somewhere further out. I’m… I’m sorry for pushing you to do this. And for not taking your concerns seriously, especially. I shouldn’t have just called you a complainer like that.”

“...Kogasa, I…”

Both remained silent for a good minute, struggling to figure out how to proceed with the conversation. They both felt like there were things to be said, but none were quite sure what exactly those things were. It took a bit of action by Sekibanki to resume the talk, in the form of a hug. Even as she got uncharacteristically teary-eyed, her body language remained as cool as ever.

“Don’t get mad at yourself. Seriously, you don’t need that for yourself. I absolutely forgive you for the complaining comments, but don’t act like I’m blameless. I was overly concerned and whiny, I just didn’t want to admit it.”

“Banki…” Kogasa eventually broke from the hug and placed her hands on her lap, staring at the basket next to her. “I guess we… kinda screwed up this date both ways, huh…”

“...I mean, have we really started? Neither of us have even gotten to eat yet. Even if there’s… one less sandwich. You did pack an even number, right?”

“W-well, you’re right, I did only put an even number of sandwiches in the basket… but…”

“...but what?”

Kogasa then opened her eyes, before suddenly reaching up into her umbrella. Banki looked on, puzzled, until Kogasa eventually retrieved something that was stuck to the underside. There, she held a small item wrapped in paper, which she refused to hesitate in opening; as it turned out, it was another sandwich, which she held up with grandiosity. The fact that she’d managed to hide it so well and Banki didn’t notice clearly had the latter stunned.

“Behold, an extra one! I hope that surprised you!”

“The heck?” Banki blinked a few times. “Sure that surprised me. You had an extra? What were you planning to do with that extra?”

“Well, I was going to end with it, actually,” Kogasa explained. “We were going to split it in half, it was gonna be cute and everything. Shame what happened with the one that got stolen though.”

“Yeah, oh well. At least we got-”

Banki flinched when something suddenly hit her in the face, nearly knocking her head off of her neck. Kogasa gasped when the other girl came close to falling over.

“B-Banki, are you alright!?”

“Y-yes, I’m fine, but what the heck was that?”

The pair then looked to see where the object had landed. It was… it was another sandwich, landing perfectly on the blanket. There wasn’t a single bite on it, and upon lifting up each part, there was no obvious evidence of tampering. In fact, it looked exactly like the ones she had packed.

“Wait, is this… is this the one that girl stole?” Both girls looked around to see if they could find the original sandwich thief. Alas, they both struggled in the endeavor. No green hair, no yellow clothes, no hat, it was truly as if she had never been there. Deciding that it wasn’t worthwhile to try and continue the search, they settled back down and decided to begin eating proper.

“...I can’t believe I was planning to surprise someone with a sandwich,” Kogasa mused, “and then I wound up being outdone anyway.”

“There’s only so many ways to surprise someone with a sandwich,” Sekibanki said with a sigh as she took a bite, “and sorry to say, but the taste isn’t a surprise either. It’s great as always.”

“Ah well, I’ll take ‘great’. Let’s just enjoy our lunch already.”

And so the pair finally began their date in earnest. The remainder of the day proved far less eventful than that beginning, to both of their relief; sandwiches were eaten, the last one was split, and not a single other person interrupted them. Still, neither could say they weren’t at least glad they met that oddball, Koishi or something. Thief that she was, at least she helped facilitate a serious conversation between the two of them. They could most definitely be thankful for that. https://archiveofourown.org/works/43840969

[thedrag0nking]

Back at the indescript Kaiju mansion, a flock of faries curiously wait behind a tree. Pointing and jeering at one of their fellows. After this three of them split off ahead, flapiing tri-wings as fast as they can carry and their weapons drawn. Heading right to the front door itself!

" ..... Kogasa? "

Unfortunately for the fairies the only thing that came out of the mansion is possibly the most dangerous of the space kaiju Yoshika Miyako AKA the restlesd undead now in the form of a fly crawling ontop of the roof as she sensed intruders, mistakening for the umbrella playing a prank. Her voice echo into the dark night searching for the umbrella yokai who supposed to return home.

[mimicteruyo]

Before Us, the Deluge

[Touhou Ship Week Day 3: Surprise. KogaBanki, 1.4k, fluff]

---

It was, Kogasa decided, a very fine silver lining that she didn't have to worry much about getting wet in the rainstorm. It was the only thing going right with her day, anyway.

She had walked aimlessly in the wilderness for nearly an hour now, listening to the persistent drumming of endless raindrops upon her. Usually, night-time was more helpful for spooking humans than daytime, but now they all had scurried into their cosy, dry homes, leaving Kogasa behind. As usual.

Once again, her woes began circling her mind. For starters, she had surprised exactly zero people that day. She hadn't in fact received a single reaction stronger a raised eyebrow. And to make matters worse, disaster had struck when she had hidden in a tree to wait for passers-by. It was usually a relatively successful strategy, but the branches had been slick with rain, and she had lost her balance and plummeted into a puddle before she could even think of flying. To add insult to injury, she was pretty sure she had heard someone laughing at her from a distance. And to top it all off, she was starving.

It wasn't easy being a modern youkai.

She halted, suddenly conscious of how far she had strayed from the village. She was downstream of the Genbu Ravine, and the river ahead looked like it was about to overflow at any minute. She shivered and looked around for shelter. She should really find some relatively dry nook in which to lick her wounds and wait for dawn.

It was at this point that she caught sight of something scarlet further downstream. A person, so close to the rushing waters they were liable to be swept along at any moment.

Kogasa approached, curious, clutching her handle with fingers that suddenly felt numb. The person proved to be a very faintly familiar youkai in a red capelet, leaning against an ancient willow tree overhanging the river. Her position wasn't quite as precarious as Kogasa had assumed it to be from further away; the river curved next to where the youkai stood, leaving her boots dry for the time being.

Kogasa halted some feet away from her, wondering if the rain had drowned out the sound of her footsteps. She was about to leave when the youkai turned and raised an eyebrow at her.

"What? No 'boo!' this time?"

Kogasa hesitated, then stepped close enough for the raindrops on the willow leaves to fall upon her. "You're the rokurokubi who lives in the village."

The rokurokubi nodded. "Sekibanki. And you're the umbrella who tries to surprise everyone."

"And sometimes succeeds." Kogasa tried not to blush. She remembered now why Sekibanki looked so familiar. Kogasa had once stalked a strange human in a capelet for half an hour, desperate to surprise her, only for her target to eventually notice her and to dryly reveal that she wasn't human at all. In Kogasa's defence, she had been exhausted that day.

Much like she was now. When Sekibanki didn't appear to have an urgent need to continue on with the conversation, Kogasa turned to stare at the froth in the river, trying to distract herself from the hollowness inside her. "We're pretty far from the village."

"Aren't we just?"

"So... what are you doing here?"

"Waiting for the rain to end."

"Oh." Kogasa fidgeted with her handle. "I mean, what were you doing here before that?"

Sekibanki didn't answer. She kept watching the river as though Kogasa hadn't uttered a single word.

As the silence became awkward, Kogasa felt her earlier gloom grow even darker. She turned to leave. "I'm sorry to have bothered you."

"You're not bothering me."

Kogasa turned back in wonderment. The words weren't an invitation, not quite, but Sekibanki did seem to mean what she said. And even if it wasn't attention from her fellow youkai that she craved the most, she certainly wouldn't mind sticking around for a moment longer.

She hesitated for a moment longer. Then, feeling bolder, she ducked underneath the willow, sweeping against the sodden branches as she crouched beneath them. She settled next to Sekibanki, glad that the trunk proved relatively dry, and tried to see what the rokurokubi saw in the water.

It came as a surprise when Sekibanki suddenly said, even-toned and staring ahead, "I'm here because I thought I'd connect with my roots for a while. Act like a full-blooded youkai and all that rot. Of course, when I decided that, I thought the rain would abate soon."

"And now you can't go back?"

"Humans avoid heavy rain. I'm supposed to be undercover, remember?" Before Kogasa could point out that humans also avoided leaving the village after dark, Sekibanki continued. "Anyway, I don't like getting drenched."

"Maybe the rain will end soon." Kogasa peeked through the curtain of branches. The sky was covered in an all-encompassing, suffocating mantle of dark grey. If Kogasa had to guess, she would have said it would keep pouring down well into the morning. "Or maybe not."

Sekibanki shrugged.

"Maybe you could put your head under your cape to keep your hair dry, at least." Kogasa hesitated. "But I guess you would have to put it back on before you got to the village."

She fell back into silence. Sekibanki was difficult to read — what little could be seen of her face revealed nothing — but her posture was calm, almost philosophical. Even so, looking at her soaked boots and just how firmly she leaned against the tree trunk, she had to be cold.

"Or maybe... you could walk back with me. That way you'll stay dry."

Sekibanki turned to look at Kogasa. She said nothing. She didn't so much as blink.

"I'm gonna go back myself, anyway," Kogasa hastened to explain, putting on a smile. "And if anyone sees us and says that it's strange to see a human with a youkai, you can point out that youkai or not, I'm still an umbrella."

She half expected the raindrops that filtered through the leaves to wear her away before she ever got a response. She was therefore surprised when, after a moment consideration, Sekibanki shrugged again. "If it's you, I doubt anyone will even question it. Lead the way."

And without further ado, as though there was nothing unusual about it, she came to stand underneath Kogasa's shade, so close their arms nearly touched. Her clothes carried the scent of wet moss, curiously sweet and not at all unpleasant.

"Oh!" There was nothing put on about Kogasa's smile as she found herself warmed by half-forgotten nostalgia. "Okay, let's go!"

They left the river and the willow behind and soon found their way back to the path, now dotted with puddles of all shapes and sizes. It was surprisingly easy for Kogasa to adjust to Sekibanki's walking rhythm. Or perhaps it was that Sekibanki had already taken steps to adjust to hers.

They made their journey in silence until around the halfway point, when Sekibanki abruptly broke the cosy rainfall soundscape. "Speaking of humans, you probably know the foolish superstition they have about umbrellas."

"Which one?" Were there more Kogasa that hadn't heard of? And was there any chance it might be useful in scaring people?

"I doubt it works the same way when one of us <i>is</i> the umbrella. But if you believe them, we're going to end up as an item."

It took Kogasa a moment to understand what Sekibanki meant. Once she did, her face began to burn so fiercely she doubted even a maelstrom could have put it out. "Oh no! I didn't mean that when I—"

Sekibanki gave her a cool, assessing look. "I figured as much. But it doesn't seem too bad." She peeled back her collar to reveal a smile, subdued but sincere. "Assuming you don't mind, of course."

By now, Kogasa had to be red enough to glow. Would she mind? No, she wouldn't. The more she thought about it, the more she felt like she'd like to keep walking alongside Sekibanki no matter how bad the weather got.

Emboldened by the need to surprise Sekibanki at least as badly as Sekibanki had surprised her, she declared, "We should go on a date!"

"Sure. On a day when it's dry, please." Sekibanki returned her collar back in place, entirely nonchalant. Somehow, Kogasa didn't feel disappointed.

Neither of them said anything more as they continued on, allowing the rain to once again drown out everything but the sound of their footsteps. In truth, Kogasa couldn't hear those very clearly, either. Her footfalls had become so light she was almost flying.

Maybe there was something to being a modern youkai after all.

[dreamy--dolly]

the world is in desperate need of fluffy soft kogasana and i am here to provide

“Boo!”

There’s a rustling of leaves and then out pops Kogasa, hanging upside-down from the tree branch.  A goofy grin is stretched across her face, curly blue hair disheveled and umbrella glimpsed from behind the veneer of red and brown autumn leaves. Sanae blinks back at her, hands shoved into her too-big sweater’s pockets.

Kogasa’s grin shrinks and it looks as though her expression might collapse into a frown, but she smiles again. “Oh, I see… sorry, then. I didn’t mean to pester ya, Sanae. I gu-”

She gets cut off when Sanae leans up to press a quick kiss to her lips. For a moment they are stolen kisses that taste of fresh apples and hot chocolate, warming each other up in the crisp chill of the early autumn air.

Then Kogasa lets out a shriek and falls out of the tree.

“I wanted to try surprising you. Cheering you up, y’know?” Sanae reaches out a hand to help her up, dusting leaves from Kogasa’s now rumpled clothes. “You’re my girlfriend. I don’t like it when you get sad.”

“And I like that you want me to be happy.” Kogasa’s smile returns, and it’s something to see.

“Now c’mon - the Moriya shrine isn’t too far from here and I’m pretty sure that Suwako’d be fine with fixing up some hot chocolate and gingersnaps for us.”

So they walk back to the shrine together, kicking up leaves and thinking about how even as autumn turns everything cold and colorless there’s still warmth to be found.

[aardvark-123]

Tsukumogami Tshowdown

I wrote this story for days four and five of the Gensokyo Festival, combining two prompts into one: “humans” and “youkai”. The first half needed extensive rewriting, but all I really did to the second arc was give Kosuzu’s mother a name.

"Ladies, my plan is beautiful and elegant in its simplicity." With a solemn frown on her face, Rumia jabbed randomly at a few scrawled chalk images on her battered old blackboard. "Firstestmostly, Kagerou jumps out of the reeds while one of the campers is having a bath. Secondestmostly, Sekibanki gets all her extra heads out and herds them back to the camp, where Wakisaki will decsend upon all the humans while wearing her kraken costume!"

Sekibanki, Wakasagihime and Kagerou shared a worried look.

"Thirdestmostly," continued Rumia, "once the humans' socks have all fallen off-"

"Eh?!" cried Sekibanki. "Uh, how...?"

"Because Wakisaki will have scared them off, silly," said Rumia, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "Anyway, with the humans de-socked, we chase them back to their village and force them to hide under their beds all night!"

"Excuse me, I can't hide in the reeds! I'll get dirty!" protested Kagerou.

"And my name's Wakasagihime," Wakasagihime pointed out.

"Is that so?" Rumia's brow furrowed. "Wacky... Saggy... Theresa May? No, that doesn't sound... Look, Kagerou, it won't be that bad! Reeds are usually clean."

"I'm talking about all the horrible, soggy mud under them!" Kagerou shuddered.

"So? Wear waders! Or just go naked." Rumia rolled her eyes.

Kagerou gasped. "N-n-NAKED?! They'll see me! All of me!"

"Well, with waders, maybe," began Sekibanki.

"They'll chafe!" wailed Kagerou.

"Not if you wear some nice cotton tights under them!" insisted Sekibanki.

"Or maybe I could hide in the reeds instead!" offered Wakasagihime.

"Would you?!" cried Kagerou, so relieved she could have died happily in that very moment.

"Or we could just naff off and read manga in Rinnosuke's shop." Sekibanki smiled naughtily.

"C-c-could we?!" gasped Kagerou, on the verge of fainting.

"Come on, will you?! I came up with a perfectly good... decent enough plan!" Rumia bristled, her lips pressed together in a fierce pout. "We can do this! You're the Grassroots Youkai Network, blood sisters who have sworn an oath to do all sorts of cool stuff together! And I am Rumia of the Night, she who brings the dusk and eats people! Sometimes with mustard!"

"I know, but... It's such a lovely day! I don't want to get covered in mud or beat people up! All I want to do is take a walk in the forest, curl up with a good book and maybe go out for a meal..." said Kagerou pleadingly. "We don't have to scare people every day, do we?

"That is NOT so! If humans stop being scared of us, we'll die, and that would ruin my day!" snapped Rumia, levelling an accusatory finger at Kagerou. "I can't believe you, Kagerou. You're a werewolf! I thought that stood for something!" "Rumia, ease up on her, will you?!" Wakasagihime had been compared to the British prime minister more times than she could take. "The Grassroots Youkai Network isn't all about scaring people! We do some of that, sure, but sometimes we just like to chill out."

"Yep. I'm not even a member, they just let me hang out with them 'cause I bring peppermints," Sekibanki pointed out.

"I don't believe this!" Grief and anger collided in Rumia's heart. Tears welled up in the corners of her earnest eyes. "D-don't you have any pride?! You're youkai! The terrors of-of the night! You can't j-just... You can't!"

Rumia ran out over the dewy meadow, howling with misery.

After a few minutes, Sekibanki broke the silence. "Do you think the plan might've worked?"

"Maybe," said Kagerou. "Could've just hovered above the mud..."

Rumia trudged through the Forest of Magic, kicking at every stone or discarded piece of cardboard she found. She was soon left without a single toe unstubbed, but she was beyond caring.

What was the point in being a youkai if you didn't devote yourself to terrorising humans? All of Rumia's instincts told her there was none. By their very definition, youkai were the rivals of humans. To be anything else was to be a not-youkai.

Maybe the Grassroots Youkai Network weren't real youkai after all. Maybe, deprived of fear and conflict, they had turned into weak spirits of nature who couldn't hurt a fly. Maybe they all secretly wanted to be patted on the head(s) and informed, by humans, that they were good girls! The very thought of it chilled Rumia to the bone.

But then, what had become of the humans? They'd been getting bolder lately, and she apparently wasn't allowed to eat them any more. Rumia had only vague memories of her past, but she knew the golden age was coming to an end. What had become of Gensokyo? What had become of the ferocious monsters who once roamed freely from the Road of Liminality to the steps of the Hakurei Shrine? What had-

THUNK!

"Owwww..." Rumia staggered back from the tree she'd walked into. It wasn't a rare occurence for her, given that she cloaked herself in darkness all the time, but it still hurt.

"Um, hello? Are you all right?"

Rumia started. A young woman with short green hair and a cyclopean umbrella was walking towards her.

"Um, yes, thank you! I'm fine!" said Rumia, amazed. "What are you doing here, though?"

"Just taking a walk, plotting my next Incident..." said Kogasa casually, somehow managing to talk and lick her lips at the same time because it looked cute. "I was thinking I might make some tsukumogami dance along the walls. No-one gets hurt, but everyone gets nightmares!"

Rumia's eyes were sparkling. "Nightmares...? R-really?! You'd go to all that effort?!"

"Of course! I haven't scared anyone for days now. Got to pick up the pace," smiled Kogasa. "Do you want to come along? I could use someone with the power to control darkness..."

Rumia threw her arms around Kogasa's lower torso. "I love you, Kogasa! Please marry me!" she sobbed, nuzzling the karakasa's tummy. "Oh, this is going to be the best Incident in history!"

Kogasa stared for a few tense moments, then burst out laughing. "That it will, you funky little youkai, that it will!"

"Guys, guys, guys, watch this! Floating sake inside a floating glass!" Marisa clambered up onto the rustic pine table, stepping in Kosuzu's cheesecake and kicking over a couple of empty cups. She focused intently on the pint glass in her hand.

An awed hush fell over the table as the glass rose from Marisa's hand. The clear, faintly green drink rearranged itself into a thin cylinder and rose from the base of the glass.

"That'sh... That'sh amazhing!" slurred Reimu, wobbling on her stool. "C'n you... Ish it drinkable?"

"Sure. Open wide!" Marisa floated the cylinder of sake down to Reimu, who swallowed it and licked her lips.

Suzume Motoori rolled her eyes and took a steadying sip of tea. "You know, if I was a witch, I'd be doing a lot more than just drinking all day."

"Won't you give them a chance, Mummy? These are Gensokyo's greatest heroes!" said Kosuzu fervently. "They do a lot more than just drink."

"Well, yeah," nodded Marisa. "I train for, like, two hours a day, make magical gear, hunt for treasure, fix things for people, fight youkai, cook, go swimming..."

"An' I shometimesh take napsh," Reimu added, hiccupping loudly. "An' shweep the floor!"

"Fair enough," sighed Suzume. "By the way, Little Bell, your father might be coming home this weekend."

Kosuzu's face lit up. "Really? Did he get any new books?! Or sell any?!"

Suzume sighed. "If I know him, he'll have run out of books and money. I know he wants to spread the joy of reading around, but..."

"I know..." The cheesecake Marisa had stepped in represented a whole month's pocket money for Kosuzu. Her parents would probably have given her an actual wage if she'd asked for it, since she practically ran the shop, but she didn't have the heart to cut into the roof repair fund.

"And for my next trick," said Marisa loudly, "I'm going to do the impossible!"

"You mean buy my daughter another slice of cheesecake?" Suzume gave Marisa a very motherly look.

"Maybe." Marisa shrugged. "No, what I'm gonna do is make this table dance!"

Reimu, Kosuzu and Suzume grabbed their drinks and took a few steps back.

"Good thinking!" Marisa grinned. "All right. By the power of-"

"Hey, ishn't that... ishn't that hat-shtand danshing?" Reimu pointed a wobbling finger towards the doorway. A curvy wooden hat-stand was dancing a stiff jig, its three legs clattering on the floor and its crowd of hats fluttering like a ballerina's shoulder-pads.

Marisa yelped. "M-my hat! Oi, stop! Give me back my hat!"

As if it had heard her, the hat stand leaned back rammed its "head" through the door. It ran out into the street, trailing hats and splintered wood.

"Damn it... Come on, Reimu, follow that tsukumogami!" shouted Marisa, charging out of the door with hakkero in hand.

"You heard her! Let's go!" Kosozu grabbed her mother's hand and shot out of the pub.

"Ughhh... Night, everyone." Reimu curled up under the table and fell asleep.

On all the rooftops in the village, hundreds of tsukumogami were dancing up a storm. Pots and pans clashed together, brooms duelled with hoes and pitchforks, dolls danced with metal figurines and rode on toy trains, and at least one entire house was bouncing hard enough to shake the earth.

The noise was deafening, the crowds too curious to run away and too scared to ask any questions. Marisa elbowed her way through the throng until she came to the laughing karakasa and the generic darkness youkai at the centre of it all.

"Kogasa Tatara! I should've known it was you." Marisa whipped out a spell-card. "How dare you threaten the peace of our beautiful village?! You will pay for this!"

"Well, well, if it isn't the Ordinary Witch!" Kogasa laughed cruelly. "Do you really think you can stop me, Marisa?! All the powers of the night are with me!"

Marisa's eyes narrowed. "We may live in fear of you, but our hearts are pure and our spell-cards are strong! The Human Village will never give in! Kosozu, you deal with Rumia. I'll take the umbrella girl."

Kosozu gasped. "R-really? This... This is...!"

"Kosuzu, you don't have to. We've talked about peer pressure." Suzume took her daughter by the hand. "Come on, we'll get the guards-"

"This is SO COOL! My first spell-card duel, and the whole village is here! Kogasa and Rumia are scaring everyone, we're going to kick their arses, thereby fulfiling the need youkai have for conflict...! This is what Gensokyo was built for!"

"Um," said Suzume, "what?"

"Yeah, what are you... What are you babbling about? There are some things you don't exactly just say..." said Marisa shiftily.

"Uh..." said Kosuzu. She gave a quiet, nervous laugh. "Charge?"

Marisa nodded. "CHARGE!"

"Just get home safely," sighed Suzume.

[gensokyogarden]

"Yohoho! Aye be guarding the graveyard, mates."

[gensokyogarden]

"Excuse me, there's no 💋here right?"

Kiss meme

"Nope there's no 💋here in my lovely blacksmitheree."

Except for the contractually obligated 💋that she must give now. Which Kogasa is about to solve. She gently takes hold of the potential customer's hand and places a soft kiss onto it.

"Surprise! Now what metal object can I get for you?"

[gensokyogarden]

"Wait I have to face Okuu in a death match?"

[gensokyogarden]

"Kanako murdered me in the interim."

[gensokyogarden]

"Oh, that's my cousin Logasa."

[gensokyogarden]

"I am just happy to be included! Good luck everyone!"

[gensokyogarden]

And now. The Hakurei Shrine with advice.

"It's okay to ask for help."

"Murder is okay"

"Murder is okay"

"Murder is okay"

"Murder is okay"

"Is that so?"

"Murder is okay"

"Murder is okay"

"Murder is okay"

"Wow. A lot of people live in my shrine."

[gensokyogarden]

"No dat's his cousin Bite of '87"

[gensokyogarden]

"A market in the shrine? But I haven't forged anything recently."

[gensokyogarden]

@inverse-muses from here

"Once I get this all moved inside, you should take me to show me now. It's not like the humans know the face of every single youkai in Gensokyo. As long as we don't make it obvious the umbrella is the real me, they'll never know."

It was true they may not know the face of every youkai, but they quite likely all remember the face of the youkai who ran around as a babysitter for a short time. Or the face of the youkai that occasionally arrives trying to get them to buy her smithings. Or the face of the youkai who used to jump out of trees and shout BOO at them. All things considered, Kogasa was among the most conscpicous of youkai.

"But also, what am I going to get him? I owe your father quite a lot and I've been so busy I hadn't even realized his birthday was getting close. Hmmmmm. Maybe I could buy something nice from the half-youkai."