#ultimate squishmallow

[the-ultimate-squish]

Welcome to the Ultimate Squishmallow Tournament!

PLEASE DO NOT BUY SQUISHMALLOWS IRL. If you do want to still purchase Squishmallows, buying them secondhand should still be okay. I made this blog before the CEO of Squishmallows made it aware that he is financially supporting Israel. More information/resources will be provided under the cut.

I will begin posting resources at the bottom of each poll. Any additional posts related to this will be tagged with #SquishBoycott ; while this is an important matter to keep up to date on and I urge you to continue your research/keep up to date on the matter as a whole outside of Squishmallows, I understand muting this tag for the sake of mental health, as this blog was originally created for fun away from the cruelties of the world. As a note this is not a part of the official boycott.

As of right now, I am not postponing the tournament but am open to doing so as the matter progresses.

This is a tournament to determine Tumblr's favorite squishmallow, inspired by accounts such as @webkinztournament, including all 2,000+ Squishmallows as seen on the wikipedia (which can be viewed here).

More info under the cut

Current Round

Round 2 will begin November 27 @ 12 A.M. EST and be posted every hour. Each poll will run for one week. Specific schedule for each matchup can be found here.

Resources

Squishmallow Alternatives + my current reasoning for the tournament (subject to change)

More info on the matter with sources

Official Boycott

If anyone has more resources please send them my way.

Exclusions

The only squishmallows that will not be considered for the tournament are licensed squads, unnamed squish, and any squish without a link on the wiki page. This last decision is due to the fact that I cannot find images or information on these squishes if they do not have a wiki page. A list will be provided here of all unincluded squish. If anyone would like to send a picture of said squish to be included, I will gladly do so! Otherwise, they basically don't exist anywhere I can find on the internet and will not be considered. Unnamed squishmallows and licensed squads will not be included regardless.

Pairings

For round 1, each squishmallow was randomly paired by spinning a wheel (this took actually forever). From there, winners will move on the face off the winner of the next pair, and then the winner of the next pair, and so on in a bracket. More information on each squish will be provided once there are less squish per round.

Ties

In the case of an even 50/50 tie, I (the host) will ask 3 irl friends that have not voted to break the tie.

Propaganda

You are welcome to send propaganda for your favorite squish via the ask box, by reblogging the poll, or @'ing this account. I will do my best to promote said propaganda on this page, tagged with #propaganda. Overall, please BE KIND. This is a tournament for fun and not meant to cause actual discourse.

Tags

#Announcement - Poll Announcements #SOT2023 - Squishmallow of Tumblr Poll #Propaganda - Propaganda for Squish #Not Poll - Other posts, likely reblogs. Will be used in this beginning week to promote the blog before voting begins, in attempt to get a bigger sample size

Additional tags will be tags for each round, such as SOT2023R1 (Squishmallow of Tumblr 2023 Round 1), the name of each 'mallow, and #Squishmallow #Squishmallows on one poll a day to avoid flooding (there are a lot of 'mallows). #tournament poll and #poll will also be used for sample size, as well as some other additional tags at least in the beginning. However, these are all the main ones to be used for navigations!

[alucardsathomewife]

Alucard with alot of plushies

Fluffy hair Alucard my beloved 💗

[theempressar]

Ultimate Warrior vs Tully Blanchard Survivor Series Showdown Nov 12th,...

This was a SURPRISINGLY GOOD MATCH! I hesitated on watching it because I thought for sure it was no contest...but the man held his own and didn't get pinned by UW!!

The brawl at the end is FAN-FRICKIN-TASTIC🤯🤯🤯

Bobby was SUPER ANIMATED in this one 😲😲😲

Here's a few not so happy Brain pics 😭

[yuukimiyas]

decided to treat myself to a lil chipotle after work & it was so so yummy!! ପ૮๑ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ๑ აଓ now i have my coziest jammies on & i think i'm gonna watch "to catch a thief" before i head to bed!! ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭ ੈ♡‧₊˚ this is me sending you off w the best dreams & all of my love!! <333

[lesbiten]

today was a day of poor financial decisions but its okay because i got paid :) love wins in the end

[nanawritesit]

Choi San Boyfriend Headcanons!

listen, this man is my ultimate bias for a REASON. you are SO lucky if you have him as a boyfriend 😭

he’s a huge fan of PDA. holding hands, linking pinkies, having an arm around your waist, linking arms, hugging, and kissing are all things he’s comfortable doing in public (just pecks on the lips though, not full on making out LOL) he always has to be touching you in some way 🥰

he loves to play with your hair! no matter how long or short it is, he’ll always be running his fingers through it, twiddling with the ends, or ruffling it (if it’s long enough, he’ll even learn to braid it! it’s a very relaxing ritual that both of you love!)

and while kissing, his hands often end up tangled in your hair ;)

san isn’t really into big grand gestures of love… it’s the little things he does for you that let you know he loves you. he definitely has an “acts of service” love language!

he’ll wake you up when he notices your alarm doesn’t go off, brings you lunch while you’re at work, helps you with projects, carries your bag around for you while shopping… he does stuff like this without even thinking

i can’t imagine him yelling at you no matter how angry he might be. he’s very good at controlling his feelings so if he gets upset, he’ll just leave the room to give himself a moment to calm down before talking with you about the situation calmly and rationally

if you ever break a glass or plate of his, he’ll gently reassure you that it’s okay, it was just an accident, and first checks your hands for any injuries before helping you clean it up (cries in childhood trauma 😭)

you catch him just staring at you with a big dopey smile on his face ALL the time. and when you ask what’s wrong he goes “nothing, i just love looking at you.” 😊

he’s the best person to be around when you’re sad. (he is our comforting mountain after all!) he’ll never judge you, and instead just hold you tightly while you cry, whispering little reassurances and patting your back gently… after you calm down he’ll immediately offer to help you with whatever’s bothering you

he’s a big fan of the nickname “baby,” he uses it probably more than your actual name (i’m sorry if you hate it 😟)

“baby, come look at this!” “what’s wrong baby, do you need some help?” “i’m sorry you’re sad baby, everything will be okay.”

every once in a while he’ll let a “my love” slip, and when he’s begging for your attention he uses “honey” in a sickeningly sweet, whiny voice

he’ll never pass up an opportunity to tell you how beautiful you are. even when you’re bare-faced, have bed-head, and are wearing sweats, he thinks you’re absolutely stunning 🥰

you definitely don’t help with his plushy addiction… you buy him one like every week, and soon you both have to buy those nets that hold stuffed animals against the corner ceiling (oh god and if you ALSO love plushies??? your house will be DECKED OUT.)

that definitely wasn’t just a headcanon for me bc i have a squishmallow addiction ahahaha

he tries to act annoyed when you pester him while he’s reading, but he secretly thinks you’re super cute when you’re begging for his attention 🥺

wooyoung is so jealous of you for the longest time… you guys didn’t really get along until san locked you both in a room and told you to work out your differences 😀

which worked, surprisingly 😀 you both came out laughing up a storm and hanging off of each other

now you and wooyoung are besties. you even team up against san sometimes to bug him. he just corners you both and stares at you intensely, forcing you to look up at him to fluster you (he loves his little brats tho 💞)

we all know san needs to hold something to sleep… and i’m sorry if you like having room to yourself when you sleep, but that something is going to have to be you sometimes (cries in starfish sleeper)

maybe not every night, but at least once a week, he HAS to fall asleep with you in his arms

he always lets you lay your head on his shoulder while he does other tasks, in fact, he encourages you to!

like if you’re sitting next to him to relax, he’ll just reach over and push your head down to rest on his shoulder

he loves to paint your nails together 💅🏻 and do face masks!

when he’s away on tour, he’ll stay up all night talking to you if no one stops him (usually hongjoong has to lmaoooo)

speaking of which, he gets all flustered every time the members bring you up… he starts blushing and smiling like a fool 🥺

then he can’t stop himself from rambling on and on about how amazing you are ☺️

he also won’t stop flirting with you just because you’re dating

he’s constantly dropping pick up lines and hyping you up

like if you get all dressed up for a special event, his jaw will drop open and he’ll say something like “hey pretty lil thing, you come here often” 👀

and you’ll be like “san i’m literally your partner” 😑

he shares everything with you, without even thinking about it

snacks, drinks, hoodies… he’ll just hand them to you absentmindedly

at the end of the day, this boy would do literally anything just to see you smile. he thinks your smile is the prettiest sight in the world. he believes you deserve the world and wants nothing more than to give it to you 💞

[little-musikat]

💜All About Kat💜

Sweet and sassy little redhead

Anxious bean/weepy depressed girl/but always a good girl

Lover of art, music, animals, true crime,reading, theater, and psychology

Educated and enjoy intelligent discussion

Vocalist and forever picking up new instruments, we're up to 8 and counting

Super nerdy. We're talking board games, DnD, Marvel, Doctor Who, LOTR, former Harry Potter fan (fuck you JKR, though if I were a literary character I'd still be Luna Lovegood), documentaries, Disney, Studio Ghibli, MLP:FIM, all things Pokémon, Squishmallows, and Squishables

Ultimate cat mom

🩷Age PlayKat🩷

Polyamorous/Non monogamous

No current ABDL Daddy/caregiver. I'm engaged but Age Play ain't his thing.

Naturally small, being little isn't an "act"

Middle, little, and very regressed baby side

Middle Kat: 9-12, nail art, glitter pens, journaling, YA novels, sparkly dice, helping play DnD, 90s teen shows, Claire's, teasing Daddy, Ghibli, music lesson roleplay, cute panties

Little Kat: 2-5, Squishmallows, stuffies,coloring, Disney movies, pacis, bedtime stories, sticker books,puzzles, sitting on Daddy's lap, potty training, training panties, pull ups, cute dresses, hairbows

Baby Kat: 0-6 months, very helpless, babbling, wet and messy diapers, teething toys, rattles, stacking toys, anything with music and lights, blankeys, being held and rocked, bottle feeding, being fed by Dada, sucking Dada's thumb when fussy, being settled on a blanket to play while Dada does grown up stuff, no thoughts just totally dependent on Dada

I wear diapers/pull ups/training panties close to 24/7 due to mild incontinence issues and IBS

[heylookomegas]

Warlords And Courting Gifts

Dracule Mihawk

VERY high standards. What else did you expect?

He will accept flowers personally arranged by the alpha, books specific to his interests and fine wine at the beginning of the relationship. 

Nest supplies like blankets and pillows are something he’s far too specific about to accept as a gift.

Will only allow clothes and jewelry to be given once the relationship has become official. 

Don’t skimp and get him something cheap or simple, he wants gold, rubies and silk all over!

He deserves to be treated like a princess doesn’t he?

Do well enough and you might be able to get away with calling him that too.

Bartholomew Kuma

Blankets, pillows and bears oh my!

Is too much of a minimalist to want anything extravagant.

But some soft blankets and teddy bears will always result in a smile from him.

This is a man who doesn’t believe it’s possible to own too many squishmallows.

He also likes baked goods like muffins pies.

Sweet things for a sweet man.

Crocodile 

Why would you do this to yourself?

Crocodile makes a point of buying himself everything he wants as he wants it and is as extra about it as possible.

The only way for an alpha to court him with gifts is through home made crafts.

Which you gotta have some serious balls to go through with.

Really the fact that someone walked right up to him with crap they made at home is an impressive enough show of confidence to peak his curiosity in and of itself.

Gecko Moria

Too charmed over being genuinely courted like he’s some sweet little twenty year old instead of a single parent over fifty to care too much about what he’s actually being gifted.

As long as it’s evident that thought was put into the gift, he’s over the moon about it.

He’ll accept plushie bats, antique buttons, dark flowers and really anything that vaguely fits with his aesthetic.

He also has a weakness for salted caramel candy.

Just don’t get him an onion plant.

That shit was only funny the first time.

Doflamingo

Well at least what he wants is simple.

The corpses of his enemies make the perfect courting gift.

Even better if they’ve got just enough life in them for him to torture it out personally.

If the body has his initials carved into it you might even get a genuine thank you.

For the ultimate gift, make it a theatrical execution complete with special effects. 

Jinbe

Either the best or worse case scenario on the list depending on your point of view.

Jinbei doesn’t want gifts.

He’ll take small things like food or a bottle of something, but he’ll just pay it back later.

He doesn’t like the idea that he can be bought or dazzled, so expensive gifts make him uncomfortable.

The best gift you can give Jinbei is your presence.

(Or a bit of original poetry if you’d really like to speed things up.)

[vethbrenatto]

the bad kids performed the ultimate atrocity this episode when they burned Maryann’s squishmallow

[twinypwupy]

HI HI HI THAT ASK GAME THING LOOKED LIKE SO MUCH FUN OMG. Seeing that genuinely made me so excited- Idk why- BUT HERE YOU GO

🔥🎃🌵🌀🥛

Hwi bwzt fiwnd!!! :3

꒰ 🔥 ꒱ Introduce your stuffies!

Doll has a otter that is like a heating pad! They use it whenever they're on time of month and also for other pain or just warmth..doll also sprays it with masculine smelling stuff to smell like dada!

Doll got a new stuffie the other day, a teddy with a baby teddy >-< it has a little Christmas hat! It reminds doll of dwada and doll :p

Doll also has a seal squishmallow!!, doll is a seal pet regressor!!! So it makes doll happy..it is like a mama seal to doll whenever they pet regress and feel like a seal!

꒰ 🎃 ꒱ Do you have any regression gear?(outside of stuffies)

Mm..not really 3;, doll has a Hogwarts cup that is kinda like a sippy so doll uses that a lot!, doll also has a teether >.<... Also coloring books and some toys maybe if that counts!

If it also counts, doll has custom pup ears doll and ash made themselves! And also a little collar/necklace that says "daddy's puppy" on it! It makes doll feel more pup like when regressed!!!

꒰ 🌵 ꒱ What's your favorite regression food(s)/snack(s)?

Chocolate!! As well as those little snack pack things!, plus meals that are meant for kids.. >.>, doll also likes chips which some regressors might not like..but they yum! As well as mm... that all doll can think of TwT

꒰ 🌀 ꒱ If your CG could have super powers, what kind of super powers would you want them to have?

Superpowers?! Dada?! :3, eek!! Doll would want dada to have super strength!!! So dada can carry doll wherever and whenever!

꒰ 🥛 ꒱ What's your favorite nickname when regressed?

It's a long list.. "prince" "baby" "little one" "seal" "dolly" "pup" "puppy" "angel" "baby boy" doll would add more but.. nu wan make it too long! But doll's ultimate favorite is "baby boy" (⁠｡⁠//ﾉ⁠ω⁠＼⁠//｡⁠)

Link to questions in case anyone wan ask doll them!: 💫

[katsukikitten]

Blorbo mansion @katsulock

Okay so most men just spawn outside and have zero clue how they got there. That's me pretending I don't have a clue how this mansion became and that I'm struggling to pick between them (I'm not two, maybe three are tied for number one)

At the top banaster I stand overlooking the foyer or even on the steps coming down, standing on the overlook in front of the window is Akaza and Katsuki looking down on the ransoms with snarled lips. Some blorbos are not even allowed entry per the those two and are sent immediately to the dungeon.

Enter the foyer where some of the lesser blorbos go. They linger and mingle like it's a cocktail party and have drinks and hors d'oeuvres and they hope and pray I fuck them in the half bath or butlers pantry at the very least. This is a privilege for low tier (so low tier apparently I cannot make a list lmfao) okay I thought of some 😂 but Tengen, Shishido (lion dude from bnha) my chimera man from bnha, Abel Walker

Next we have the sitting room and garden

Here is where blorbos who are higher up on the list fight to the death in hopes of climbing those stairs.

These are upper tier blorbos although they are often allowed a romp on the couches or in the bushes, even lucky enough to enter my chambers 👀 they struggle to defeat the top two. These are ones that cycle in my head and try so very hard to dethrone my two best guard dogs 🥰

Think Zodyl, Izuku, Laios, Enjin, Sanemi, Rayne, etc.

This is the bedroom, but add more squishmallows and manga.

This is where Akaza and Katsuki live in the ultimate poly. Some are lucky to be added to the poly and some are lucky enough to have their own little invitation to the room when I kick Akaza and Suki out (I'm tempermental okay but they go to the study and grumble) sometimes no one is allowed in, sometimes I try to shove them all into the foyer or outside but Katsuki and Akaza have never made it further out than the sitting room 😔

Below is the dungeon where akaza banishes some of them. Katsuki fights them outright in whatever room he's in. These are blorbos such as the Lion Demon from Delicious in Dungeon, Sekido, Karaku, Muscle from bnha.

[alovelymoonbeam]

Ok so I’ve been crocheting a giant Sniffer plushie, and I’ve been plotting to make it The Ultimate Plushie. It’s gonna be weighted, I’m going to be using squishmallow stuffing, and I just barely realized I could use aroma beads to make it scented which I’m so excited to do. It’s literally going to be the best thing I’ve ever made I’m so excited!!! I couldn’t work on it for a while cause I needed more yarn and had no money but I got a hobby lobby gift card from my boss for Christmas and I’m ready to do this! I will absolutely be taking pictures and yelling about it when I’m done lol.

[star-crossed-mid]

A family doesn't need to be a husband, a wife, a daughter, and a son.

Sometimes a family is a group of star-based zodiac celestial beings that consists of:

a fish themed celestial being who lost their immortality and takes YOLO too literally

a war-torn human turned god

a demi-god (who found out late in the story that he was adopted)

the wine aunt who is still grieving their ex and may also be the god of wisdom/clairvoyance but can't make a smart decision

the strawberry cow song + bitch im a cow song personified and merged with parental issues

a god who sleeps through anything, and everything, and owns 200+ squishmallows

the slayyy girlboss gaslight gatekeep demon spawn pretending to be holy

the dude who may have accidentally summoned the ultimate evil and feels an endless amount of guilt about it, the consequences of this event accidentally creating more cycles of punishment. They also have a ponytail

a god whose mental health is a broken mirror and will have a breakdown if any minor inconvenience happens like dropping their slice of pie on the ground also hes like 2?? ppl

a crab who likes keychains

a dude who can feel the heat of his past actions

an allmighty god with enough power to wipe reality at a snap of his fingers and happens to have the personality of a cat stuck in a tree

and their ex-god turned human friend with an affinity for the stars, that they harass on a weekly basis after work hours.

I love dysfunctional found families

all i can imagine is that one vine of the dude climbing on top of the fridge and saying 'this house is a fucking nightmare' in each story all 13 of these mfs are in the mansion.

[princesscolumbia]

The funny thing about being a True Domme transwoman in her mid-40s who's getting into miscecanis as a subversive lifestyle at the same time as the Barbie movie is coming out is witnessing the multitude of fuckboys lose their collective shit over being fucking called out by a movie that is basically an extended toy commercial that managed to squeeze in a message that strongly resonates with its true target audience of women who have been fucked over by an oppressively patriarchal culture with an equally effective B-plot about how men have been fucked over by the exact same culture.

M'dudes, there are a few things that are obviously slamming against your amidships and not penetrating the several inches of Fragile Mayo-l Eggo (as opposed to 'male ego,' a healthy and non-performative masculine sense of self usually found among elder gay men far more than their supposedly heterosexual contemporaries) that I'm going to put here in plain text. If you don't get it at this point, then you're fucked, there's no help for you. Go attempt a survival challenge in the middle of the Sahara and lose your compass and canteen. You'll be much more useful to the world doing that than continuing to ignore the following:

The 'theory' of "Alpha males" that you think you subscribe to? Yeah, it's a disproven theory that was misinterpreted in the first fucking place and you can all get FUCKED for thinking you're at all valid for claiming that title. Others have explained the science better than I, and just by claiming "Alpha" to justify the absolutely vile behavior you've proven you could give two shits about science or intellectual anything or human achievement or progress or culture or ANYTHING THAT'S HUMAN YOU HORRID, SUB-HUMAN PIECES OF WALKING SHIT! SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP! THERE ARE MUSHROOMS I'D RATHER CLAIM KINSHIP TO MORE THAN YOU!

A true Alpha in the miscecanis sense is the Ultimate Caregiver. Defined by more than biology, the Alpha's role in the relationship is to provide a safe and secure place for their mate(s) and to be selflessly loving and kind. This requires that the omega (or beta, I'm not judging. Two Alphas could be in a relationship too, though that gets tricky as you're dealing with, essentially, two tigers in a bag) feel as though you are the very foundation of their world and that foundation is as solid as pure granite but inviting as a squishmallow nest. That means you're more an engineer than a commander. You're more a facilitator than a leader. You're not some fucked up piece of shit who thinks that the tackle between your legs means you're superior to the person you're presuming to stick that tackle in.

Any true Alpha would take one look at you and say, "Oh, hun, it's okay, we understand that you think that's how Alphas work. Don't worry, your Alpha will be along soon and take you away from all the big scary Alphas that you wandered into the middle of." You're a spitting, hissing kitten. Another omega or a beta might be fooled, but a true Alpha will take one look at you and see right through the act. And every single one of them could take you down without breaking a sweat, but they won't because they don't want to be a bully.

And on the outside, the remote possibility that you did happen to be an actual Alpha, you'd be one of those toxic Alphas the omega's birthing person warned them about. You'd be the reason for the #YesAllAlphas hashtag. You'd be the reason omegas carried cans of pepper spray on their keychain at all times. You'd be the reason yet another challenge fight resulted in an "accidental" death after the rest of the Alphas in the area got sick of your shit and arranged for all the cell phones and security cameras to be conveniently off or broken.

I haven't seen the Barbie movie yet, but based on what I've seen from the spoiler-tastic reviews and memes and GIF-sets, here's what I'm betting a true Alpha would say:

"Wow, that Barbie's gotta be an Alpha, look at how she just owns the space around her."

"Yup, she's commanding and every one of those omegas around her are following her orders. Wonder how many of them she's marked?"

"Ouch! First time in a beta-only part of society, huh? Yeah, that sucks how they won't acknowledge your true gender and judge you based on your outward appearance and have no clue that you're an Alpha because their senses are impaired in comparison."

"Look at her defending her pack! Go girl!"

(Again, I haven't seen it, and this is through my particular interpretation of miscecanis as a lifestyle.)

On the other hand, I'm probably not going to get through to any of you. You got it into your head that you're somehow cosplaying as either White Savior Jesus or his boyfriend Emperor George Washington (who both personally wrote the bible in their native language of Late 20th/Early 21st Century American English and snuck secret messages in it to you telling you to hate all people with any melanin in their skin or any sex and/or gender preferences that you, specifically, find icky) and you got more invested in that persona than I have of being a miscecanis Alpha.

[theblueblurhero]

"the ultimate squishmallow...."

[steadypet101]

What I got from Santa (controller, SxSG game, and ultimate talking Sonic) and from a friend of mine (squishmallow and funko Sonic)