#ulaam

[lamaery]

22 - afflicted

Ulaam being a real friend by making sure that Hoid‘s inspirational bouts of poetry don’t get lost for future generation.  ------------------- image description: a digital illustrationdepicting Hoid and Ulaam seated next to each other. Hoid sits on the floor, the soles of his feet placed against each other. He is in the process of putting an old shoe on top of his mulleted head. His legs, arms and tummy are bare, but he wears his glittering, red, short, short pants and a light blue, semi transparent crop top, with a lacy border and small polka dots. A brown shoelace is tied around his right biceps and a green gift ribbon with golden stripes hangs loosely tied into a bow from his neck. His eyes are closed and his demeanor is relaxed as he seems to talk or recite something. Ulaam sits to his right on a chair. He wears a sharp black suit with a tailed coat. Its collar and the ascot Ulaam is wearing around his neck are made from a shiny black material. One of his legs is crossing the other and on his knee he balances a notepad into which he currently writes down the poetic waxing of his cursed friend. Ulaam's hair is slicked back into a small ponytail and his features are unnaturally sharp-edged – especially his cheekbones and nose. Red irises look down at what he is writing, the tiniest of smirks formed by his mouth.

[cosmerelists]

Cosmere Characters: Should They Be At The Club?

As I think I've mentioned, I write these lists a couple months in advance, usually. So I don't know if the great "They should be at the club!" meme is still going strong, or if people will see this and be all, "Bah! That's SO 2023!" But eh.

So anyway, should Cosmere characters be at the club?

1. Dalinar

Dalinar should not be at the club. Dalinar would not understand the club, and he would not like the club.

2. Sadeas

Weirdly, I think Sadeas would understand the club better than Dalinar would, but he still should not be there. Sadeas's presence would make the club worse, no matter how fashionable he is.

3. Tress

Tress was only eighteen! She should have been at the club, although the club would probably be less exciting than her life at sea.

4. MeLaan

MeLaann is only, uh, thousands of years old (I think) but she should ABSOLUTELY be at the club. She would love the club, and the club would love her too.

5. Rlain

Has Rlain ever NOT been having a tough time? He deserves a wild night at the club with Renarin, and I'm sticking with that.

6. Vivenna

Vivenna was only twenty-two when she was supposed to be sent to marry the god-king. Yes, she should have been at the club instead. She would hate it, though. She would hate it so much.

7. Painter

Painter should get to be at a club lurking in a corner, drinking vodka on the rocks because it sounds tough and wishing it didn't taste so much like rubbing alcohol.

8. Hoid

Hoid should not be at the club. He's very old and also, no one at the club would be able to hear what he was saying and that would make Hoid sad.

9. Demoux

Demoux was in his early twenties when Kelsier's rebellion was going on. He 100% should have been at the club instead. He's named after a friend of Brandon's and Brandon said he'd survive and "get a girl" apparently and those are both things that can happen at a club.

10. Lift

Lift should not be at the club. Isn't she like 13? That's too young for the club.

11. Kaladin

Kaladin should be at the club. Adolin will have to drag him there, though, and he will spend much of the time looking glowery.

12. Ulaam

Ulaam should not go to the club because drunk people cannot consent to giving up their body parts (even after death) and Ulaam knows that and it would make him sad to see all of those beautiful elbows or what-not and not even be able to ASK for them.

13. Sebarial

Sebarial should not be at the club--he should be home drinking with Palona. He would own clubs, though, if he could.

14. Hrathen

Hrathen should not be at the club. He would definitely kill the vibe.

15. Szeth

Szeth is like 35 years old. He should not be at the club. He should be wrapped in a warm blanket and placed somewhere quiet, peaceful.

16. Moash

Yes--at any point in the narrative you can look at what Moash is going through and say, "Would it be better for him to be at the club right now?" and the answer is always yes.

[rotheninth]

you know my first thought about kandra being let loose in the cosmere is that any non pov character could be one and i’d have to work and read between the lines to find out whose been replaced in the time skip stormlight archive books

then ulaam showed up in tress as a decomposing corpse

[comiclysmic]

A Gift for Ulaam!

He did this to mess with her. There will be fallout.

✒️ Made in ClipStudio Paint

[madxmellon]

I just finished Tress, and let me just say Dr. Ulaam was definitely a favorite (I love imagining how insufferable he was to Hoid with those quotes post-curse-breaking)

ID: We see Dr. Ulaam and Hoid standing together in front of a green, sporeish background. Dr. Ulaam has greyed skin, and wears a tight black suit with no buttons. His eyes are red, and staring down at an open blue book he holds in his right hand. His left hand is spread across his chest, with 6 fingers showing, 2 of which wear rings. He’s smiling with many teeth showing, saying “This is one of my favorites” to a frustrated looking Hoid. Hoid has tan skin and white hair, and is wearing an orange, flowery hawaiian shirt over a grey cotton shirt that says “I survived the crimson sea and all I got was this t-shirt”, this shirt is tucked into a pair of sequined red briefs.

[botanicaxu]

Dr. Ulaam (Definitely my fav here!)

[blackhair-redeyes-tournament]

Bracket 3 Round 2

[jewishicequeen]

Some Tress of the Emerald Sea character concepts! I loved this book!

[earth2cody]

MAJOR TRESS OF THE EMERALD SEA SPOILERS

Is the sorceress MeeLan?????? She has the same voice?? And knows Ulaam??? Someone confirm or deny this for me please??????

[curiouscremling]

Ulaam has become one of my favorite cosmere characters. I know that a lot of the time he pops into the scene as comic relief because people mention one body part or another, but goddamn if I don't love this silly little slime collecting his favorite body parts. A great evolution of VenDell asking after people's bones

[lavenderleahy]

Does anyone else wonder if Ulaam is some sort of cousin to mistwraiths and condra?

[lamaery]

Here is my take on the most of the non-Doug characters for Tress of the Emerald Sea. It was really fun to try a more shape based approach again and I am very happy with how everyone turned out.

Which side-character did you like the most in the books. I really enjoyed Ann.

[cosmerelists]

How Well Cosmere Characters Would Do At Speed Dating

"Speed dating" is an event where a bunch of people move from table to table, having like 5-minute conversations with a bunch of different partners. Then people fill out cards ranking the people they met, and the organizer pairs up any people who both feel that they hit it off. Basically, it's a way to meet a lot of potential romantic partners in a very short span of time.

So let's say that yesterday, for Valentine's Day, Cosmere characters attended such an event. How did it go for them?

1. Kaladin: It went badly; 0/10 stars

People have to reach like Friendship Level 5 to unlock Kaladin's tragic backstory. People talking to him for like five minutes will only read his surface vibe: glowering, uncomfortable, and tall. He might get some good ratings for sheer hotness, but I don't think he's walking out of this with any dates (if only because HE doesn't rate any particularly high).

2. Adolin: It went SO well; 10/10 stars

Adolin (single in this universe I guess) is personable, good at flirting, and very adept at getting dates. He's being ranked as a top-tier catch by everyone he meets, and he's ranking everyone he sees as top-tier too because hey, he could probably maybe see it working out for a while. That boy's calendar is FULL for the next month.

3. Elend: It was not great; 3/10 stars

Elend is obviously carrying a book the whole time, and he has a tendency to start reading during the conversation, even though--again--each conversation is only five-minutes long. Most of his partners find this rude and off-putting, but he'd get a least a couple who are intrigued either by him or by his book.

4. Leshwi: It was okay; 5/10 stars

She's magnificent and tall, so that's gonna get her some positive feedback. I also do genuinely think Leshwi is good at connecting with people. On the other hand, she keeps asking when the "stabbing part starts," and, uh, that doesn't go over very well with most of the people.

5. Denth: It was pretty great; 8/10 stars

To be honest, Denth would be GREAT at speed dating. He's disarmingly funny and self-deprecating but in a self-confident way. He might lose a few potential partners who are like, "Ew, mercenaries" but I do think he's walking out of there with plenty of dates if he wants to.

6. Ulaam: It was mostly a failure; 1/10 stars

He's quick with a compliment, but his compliments are usually along the lines of, "What a nice elbow you have. Can I have it? Only after you die of course, ha ha!" I'm sure there's at least one person who's into that, though.

7. Kelsier: It went great; 9/10 stars

I think Kelsier would be great at speed dating if he wanted to be. He can definitely smile and get people on his side. He 100% has an ulterior motive for this speed dating thing, though...

8. Shallan: It was so-so; 5/10 stars

Can Shallan rock a social event? Yes. Can she resist making that slightly inappropriate pun when the opportunity presents itself? Absolutely not. For this reason alone, I think her ratings are...varied.

9. Charlie: He ranks it 10/10 but everyone else ranks it 0/10

Charlie has EXACTLY the speed dating experience he wants! AKA, he is as boring as possible so that nobody wants to date him. He has a great time. Nobody else does.

10: Nightblood: People died; 0/10 stars

The people who partnered with Nightblood either tried to unsheathe him and died, or being near Nightblood just made them feel sick. Nightblood had a great time! (And is not allowed back.)

[lizziestudieshistory]

Finally cycled back to finishing Tress (I'm not convinced it was a good idea)... Anyway, is it just me or was Ulaam written like an off-brand Igor from Discworld? Like I know the kandra are weird but the body part jokes were too much

[chetney-pockopea]

Reading Tress whilst being cosmere aware is such an Experience because on the one hand it's a light hearted Pratchett-esque romp but every twenty pages or so it's BOOM Iriali BOOM awakened Nalthis tech BOOM a Kandra with a steel chair.

[twicetolivetwicetodie]

Brandon: I'm gonna write a fun, whimsical, pirate story where the heroine rescues her boyfriend from an evil sorceress!

Also Brandon: also Investiture here manifests as an insatiable parasite that eats you alive