#uhhhh just spent my week by reading so many fics

[friendoftheknife]

[leejungchans]

tag game, the interview

tagged by @ateez-elena 🥺💕 ty for tagging me daisy!! this looks really fun :3

more under the cut ahsjhws i think i wrote too much 🤡🤡

1. Why did you choose your url?

my main blog is starlightlillies so i wanted something that also started with ‘starlight’; joong for hongjoong bc i love him :3 (i’m aware lilies is spelt with one ‘L’ but it’s alr taken 🥲)

2. Any side blogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them?

this blog itself is a side blog hghghhh but starlighthwa is my second one for fic recs, gifs, other rambles etc. partly for better organisation and partly bc i’d feel bad posting 10+ a day about my rambles on this blog even though i kinda already do 🥲 (update: ateezjuliet is my sideblog for my oc!! i just made it bc i wanted better organisation 🥲)

3. How long have you been on Tumblr?

a few years but i didn’t start writing and posting my work here until nov of last year!!

4. Do you have a queue tag?

i don’t know what a queue tag is 😭 send help ahsjwjs but i don’t queue my fics bc 1) i tried it once before and my work did not show up in the tags 😭 2) my sleep schedule is fucked enough that i don’t really have to queue anything lmaooo

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

i’ve wanted to be a writer here for a few years but never got the courage to actually do it, but then i thought if i didn’t do it now then i’d probably never get the chance to in a few years!!

6. Why did you choose your icon / pfp?

i like lee chan i guess 😭

7. Why did you choose your header?

bc i l*ve lee chan 💔 ahhsjwjs i change my layout a lot but this one might last quite a while bc i really really like it!! (no promises though if my layout changes next week no one say a word 💀)

8. What’s your post with the most notes?

my jeonghan fic redemption!!

9. How many mutuals do you have?

not a lot i feel like but i love every single one of you with my whole heart and i hope you know that 😤💕 (if you wanna be moots/friends please don’t hesitate to hmu hahwhsj i’m usually way too shy to reach out to people but i’d love to be friends 🥺)

10. How many followers do you have?

i hit a milestone a while ago!! (ahjshwjs sorry i’m not the most comfy with revealing the exact number 🤧)

11. How many people do you follow?

i follow from my main so 1186 blogs!! i’ve been on tumblr for years so i’ve had many phases and fandom changes ahsjjwjs sooo yeah that’s a lot whsjhw

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

i had to look this up and tbh i still don’t really know 😭 if it means posting something dumb then yeah bc that’s literally my whole personality 💀

13. How often do you use Tumblr each day?

i get so ashamed when people ask me about my phone usage/screen time bc I KNOW IT’S BAD!!!! 😭😭 uhhhh apple says i spent 22 hours on tumblr last week so 🤡 i read a lot here aside from posting and interacting with you guys so yeah!!

14. Did you have a fight / argument with another blog once? Who won?

nope!!

15. How do you feel about ‘you need to compare this’ posts?

i also don’t really know what these are 😭 i haven’t gotten them before nor have i seen these on other blogs 😭😭

16. Do you like tag games?

yes!! :3

17. Do you like ask games?

also yes!! :3

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous?

hmmm i don’t really have anyone in mind?

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

nope!!

no pressure tags 💕 @atinymonster @woopetals @moondaii @nctharu and anyone else who wants to join!!

[ohnomybreadsticks]

Fic Writer Review

Thanks for the tag @lambden ! This looks like a fun one C:

I'll tag @jaskiersvalley @catoeirienind and @sinclairsolutions if you'd like to give it a go!

It is a bit long, so I added a cut in midway through lol

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

Somehow I have 135?? Which is still wild to me lol. And back when I first started I didn't upload anything under 1K to AO3, so there are probably more works that never made it or are stuck as chapters in collection fics

2. what’s your total ao3 word count?

755,735

3. how many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

I've really only written for Detroit: Become Human and the Witcher, with one tiny little detour into Transistor for a gift exchange

4. what are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. More Than Enough (E), my very first geraskier, which had very good timing and absolutely blew up XD

2. What's It Going to Take for You to Feel Good? (E), my choose-your-own-adventure style G9 sexcapade fic, which got a boost at some point from a popular twitter artist

3. Too Tired to Ask, But Not to Receive (E), my foray into classic geraskier comfort sex with bottom!Geralt

4. In Which Gavin Learns to Love an Elder God (E), my BABY, my very first fic, the one that started it all <3 <3

5. What's It Going to Take for You to Feel? (T), the only non-explicit fic here, and sort of my take on the classic G9 falling in love deviation story

5. do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I respond to all my comments! I love hearing what people have to say about my work, and I want to make sure they know I appreciate the effort they make to leave those kind words C: I keep on top of it too, usually only leaving comments in my inbox for 2 weeks tops (although sometimes I'll hoard a particularly good comment for a while longer).

6. what’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

oh gosh uhhhh I don't write hard angst too often tbh, but I'd say probably.... There Are No Atheists In Foxholes (E)? Because it has literal MCD in it? XD We're Good At Bad Ideas (M) also is very MCD-angsty, but it's canon death so it doesn't read as angsty to me

7. do you write crossovers? if so, what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I think I've genuinely only ever written one??? Which is surprising somehow... I'm definitely inspired by other works when I make AUs, but the only true crossover I've written is this DBH/Witcher one: Cyberlife's Butcher (G)

8. have you ever received hate on a fic?

I've been very lucky and have not

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

I feel like I write a lot of smut, but surprisingly E and M rated fics only make up 68 of my total on AO3! As for what kind, lord, I don't quite know XD I dabble in kinks occasionally, but I'd put myself somewhere between vanilla and kinky in terms of usual smut

10. have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge, no!

11. have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope, but I've gotten several wonderful podfics <3

12. have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have! But I really only write with people I've known for a long time, because I'm pretty picky about my writing process XD

13. what’s your all-time fave ship?

That is an impossible question lol, I really couldn't say. There are ships I always come back to, but what my favorite is depends on what fandom I'm thinking about tbh

14. what’s a fic you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

As a rule I don't post fics that aren't finished, just because I can't stand leaving things undone. I guess in terms of series I'm not sure if I'll ever get back to Don't Let It In. Prairie horror my beloved, but I think an initial lack of interest in the second part left me wondering if I should expand the universe further, and my motivation hasn't really come back for it

15. what are your writing strengths?

I think my descriptions are generally pretty good, I like painting a picture for my reader because that's how things look in my brain C:

16. what are your writing weaknesses?

Beginnings and endingsssssss a lot of them just straight up blend together because I'm a bit cliche and don't want to let the start stop me from writing XD

17. what are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages on a fic?

If you're going to do it, you should do it properly (a little more effort than just google translate), and make sure there's a good reason for it to be there.

18. what was the first fandom you ever wrote for?

[redacted] anime fandom, mostly likely!!! I wrote some anime fics back in the day, and also a few fics for an extended oc rp universe I had with a friend, but those never made it further than my google drive.

19. what is your favorite fic you’ve ever written?

OOF hit me with the difficult one right at the end...It depends on the day and the fandom and the mood that I'm in tbh. I'm always terribly fond of fics in my Elder Gods verse because I've spent so much time with them and I think I've done my best storytelling there.

[s1utspeare]

Get To Know Me!

@foxofninetales tagged me in this ask game and since I LOVE HER i will now be doing it (i mean i’d do it anyway but now it will be filled with love for FOX i am not accepting CRITICISM ON THIS POINT)

Part I

name: Brigid! I’m named after the Irish goddess of like, poetry, healing, smithcraft, and protection, or the Irish saint (they’re both pretty similar it’s just whether or not you’re talking about Celtic religion or Catholicism). She’s very cool, and I think it’s a very fitting name for who I turned out to be!

pronouns: she/her

star sign: i’m an insufferable theatre kid of course I’m a Leo

height: 5'8″ babeeeyyy (172 cm). I’m not short like, at all, but all of my family members are over six foot, so I’m like. tiny in comparison. they all make fun of me all the time for it :(

time: 8:49pm! A delightful time of evening!!! 

birthday: July 31st, same day as Harry Potter lol.

nationality: american :P

fave bands/groups/solo artists: hnnnngggghhhh why would u ask me this I don’t KNOW jk i just have a lot uhhhhh all time faves would be Bastille and Mumford and Sons, but I’m SUPER into kpop right now, so my top groups are BTS, Stray Kids, and One OK Rock (who are technically jpop but I really like their stuff). I also am a Broadway BITCH (hello, theatre kid) so before this year all of my Spotify library was basically just show tunes. 

song stuck in your head: Get Away by VeriVery. I think they’re a pretty new group? idk i saw them on one of those tumblr promotional things and checked out the music video which is like??? really interesting conceptually? so I’ve just been listening to the song for a while lol. 

last movie you watched: Train to Busan! I’m gearing up to write a dmbj zombie apocalypse AU and so I was like “this is a popular zombie film! I’ll watch it for inspiration! :)” holy shit. holy shit i was so wrong. It’s one of the most viscerally affecting films I think I’ve ever seen, I was like. On the verge of an anxiety attack the entire time but in like the best possible way?? it’s a mastery of character introduction and action/horror and I cried for like the last ten minutes straight. SO affecting. I do NOT RECOMMEND IT if u are already made anxious by zombie apocalypse scenarios, blood, violence, and a Lot of Death. 

last show you binged: hmmm uh like I’m currently watching Mystic Nine but at like a normal pace, so the last show I probably binge watched was maybeeee The Uncanny Counter on Netflix? HIGHLY recommend that one, I made @cross-d-a watch it and I’m living for her liveblog reactions lmao. Idk most of my free time has been spent writing the past few months which. After months of only having the energy to watch shows is kind of really invigorating? the things u can do when u fix ur health I’ll tell you what

when you created your blog: in 2012 asldighalsdkfjladskjga i came on here to like burdge’s pjo fanart :)

the last thing you googled: "is it bad not to have an air cap on your tire” ALSDIGHALKDFJLADFJA FUCK ME (i learned that it’s not necessarily bad but it can get dirt and stuff built up in there so I went to the store after work today and replaced it)

other blogs: everything is here bc i am too lazy to create a sideblog! so sorry to everyone who does not follow me for cdrama content bc this is all I am now. 

why i chose my url: cause it’s my ao3 username and i wanted people to be able to find me more easily on tumblr! :) the long answer is because i love shakespeare and also i think that slut is a really funny word and concept for me especially because i am one of the most sexless people u will ever meet in ur life so slutspeare is like. an aggressively ace joke that only I think is funny. 

how many people are you following: 588

how many followers do you have: ah just over 200?!??!!? which is like. a lot for me. I think it was like 75 up until like last year omg 

average hours of sleep: my sleep app says I average around eight! which is very good for me! I do have to get enough sleep consistently or I will Have A Bad Time so my sleep schedule is pretty good and luckily I don’t have the Insomnia depression I have the Sleep Lots one which I am glad for bc idk what I’d do if I couldn’t Be Unconscious regularly. Die probably. 

lucky numbers: I don’t think I have lucky numbers?? my favorite number is 21 for no reason other than the vibes alone. 

instruments: i’ve played the piano for uhhhh.... eighteen years now? and I can play the ukulele and am surprisingly good with the recorder since I’ve had to play it in Multiple Theatre Performances. I was also an honor choir singer back in high school so I’ve done a lot of select ensemble stuff which was super fun! 

what i'm currently wearing: a Life Is Good long-sleeved t-shirt that says “Not All Who Wander Are Lost” that I got in a military surplus store like a million years ago and red Adidas athletic shorts that I found at the thrift store a couple weeks back

dream job: playwright! I just wanna be a playwright! playwriting is like drugs i literally go nuts for it

dream trip: I don’t know??? I don’t really like traveling tbh aslidhalkfdj umm I do want to see the grand canyon sometime before I die tho so maybe a road trip down there? I definitely like traveling solo so I’d probably just hang out with myself and drive and go to whatever places I want and see dumb tourist attractions and sing loudly in the car

fave food: CURRY i know i said eggs the last time it asked me this but I miss my local Indian restaurant I want to eat literal Platefuls of tikka masala at 12pm at the Indian buffet after my physics class again :(

top three fictional universe you'd like to live in: hmmm i don’t know, actually! probably one where I have Powers and could do Cool Hand Motions and make Lights Appear. If I were anywhere with like. An Actual World-Dooming problem tho I would not be helpful at all. I would just die. Besides, I already live in fictional universes half the time, I’m a writer! 

Part II

last song: Basquiat by Pentagon! The music video is like. Very whumpy. So if you’re into that... the song’s also a bop

last stream: i don't watch streams very often, I just watch clips from them, cause those usually just give the best parts lol 

currently reading: mmmmmbbbaaaaahhhhh literally nothing? I’m trying to get caught up on the backlog of dmbj fic I haven’t gotten around to so Binding by @vishcount is next on that list! oh I guess I’m also reading Johnny Tremain with my kids (one of them SPOILED THE END and I forgot how it ended and now I’m big sad). 

currently watching: Mystic Niiiiinnnneeeeee! love those gay history bitches. everyone in that show is so funny. I just finished the Fuba Side Plot tho and now we’re back to Politics so i’m like >:( someone give zhang baby rishan a hug (and then i write angst about him what is wrong with me)

what is antipoetry to you: antipoetry??? what the heck is antipoetry hold on... uhhhh that’s just poetry. who came up with this term. i guess like lyrical fiction would be the technical correct definition but idk I consider anything to be poetry! like that’s the whole point! poetry is poetry is poetry as long as it’s focused on intensity and emotions it’s poetry! a haiku? poetry. the random one-lined mess of words on my phone? poetry. a literal drawing of a cardinal with the word “bird” written next to it? poetry. idk I’ve been trying to teach my kids that there are no wrong ways to write creatively; if you’re expressing yourself and making emotions, then you’re writing! also like half of my work could be considered antipoetry lmao. I love emotionally supercharging the mundane.

currently craving: i have noooo ideaaaasssss i’m literally just vibing. uh. water? ok i took care of that one my water bottle was right next to me. 

AH IF YOU READ THIS MUCH THANK YOU???? i love u 

uhhhh no pressure tags for @xia-xueyi, @nope4ever, @bookjoyworm, @elletromil, and @gaiahenshin, as well as anyone else who would like to give the full-rundown on themselves! :D

[just-here-for-the-moment]

Oh hey! I got tagged by both @anaaaispunk and @honestly-shite for this. 💜 I hope you find my answers illuminating. Let’s solve this crazy little mystery called Claire!

1. Why did you choose your url? I made this Tumblr so that I could just read some of my favorite smutty fics, and I didn’t think I was going to ever actually post anything. I was also a teeeeny bit embarrassed about it, so I didn’t use any of my previous social media handles. I figured I was just here for a short time, thus “just here for the moment” (And really, aren’t we all?)

2. Any side blogs? Nah. I have an abandoned Geocities page from 1998, and an abandoned Blogspot from like 2005, but that’s it.

3. How long have you been on Tumblr? May 5, 2021... so like 27 days now!

4. Do you have a queue tag? I don’t know what that is...

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place? So this is like, rilly, rilly embarrassing to admit. I’ve been on the Internet since the 90s, and I knew what fanfics were, but I always thought they were kinda cheesy. (I didn’t go around making fun of people, I just didn’t read any.) So then around Nov/Dec 2020 I got hooked on Pedro Pascal and the very awesome PP subreddit. Well, somebody linked to “Heaven” by @pedroepascal and I was hooked. That was some good stuff! So then I deep-lurked a few other Tumblr fics from incognito Chrome tabs, like the good Lord intended. 😂 THEN, on the PP subreddit back in early April, there was a post asking for Tumblr fic recs. I made a comment about how I was too embarrassed to say publicly what I was reading, but it was a HOT Whiskey series, and @driedgreentomatoes asked which one, so I messaged her the link to “Hotel Hobbies” by @loversandantiheroes and so @driedgreentomatoes and I spent literally 6 weeks messaging each other hot fic recs via Reddit. Well as you can imagine it gets pretty cumbersome juggling 20 incognito Chrome tabs on your phone, so I finally made a fucking Tumblr account to keep track of everything. THEN I found the Dave York Pit crew, THEN my brain said, “What if Dave was a sub?” And I had to start writing it.

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp? Because I love Wonder Woman, and I’m not gonna subject y’all to a picture of my real goober face.

7. Why did you choose your header? Because I love Godzilla.

8. What’s your post with the most notes? As of today it’s “Distraction” where Javier Pena is obsessing all day about the curve under your ass. 😘

9. How many mutuals do you have? Uhhhh, is that the thing where you’re both following each other on Tumblr? I think like 35? 40?

10. How many followers do you have? 54 as of right now, woo-hoo!

11. How many people do you follow? Probably around that number, maybe a little higher?

12. Have you ever made a shitpost? That’s like asking me if I’ve ever taken a shit...

13. How often do you use Tumblr each day? More than I should

14. Did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? Nah, life’s too short to argue with people who can’t punch me in person.

15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts? I’m a survivor of actual stamped and mailed chain letters from the 1980s. You can’t scare me into reblogging that shit.

16. Do you like tag games? Sometimes?

17. Do you like ask games? Yes I love talking about myself. Ask me about the 90s!!

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is Tumblr famous? I know for a fucking FACT that @mourningbirds1 is. She’s too good for this world. Her work is fucking phenomenal!

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual? Not unless Pedro Pascal, Keanu Reeves, or Chris Evans is secretly one of my mutuals. However I do have massive “girl crushes” on all of y’all brilliant ladies and your kick-ass writing!! If I’m following you I like what you’re serving up.

20. absolutely no pressure tags: Not gonna tag anyone for this; all y’all motherfuckers do what you like.

[shineyma]

TAGGED BY @berestweys. thanks sweetheart!

I’m trying to write a fic and it is NOT HAPPENING so we’re gonna try disconnecting the brain via fun memes and see if it helps.

1. What is the colour of your hairbrush? I have two hairbrushes! the one I use when my hair is wet is kind of abstract with blue, pink, purple, and gold splotches on a black background. the one I use when my hair is dry is rose gold. (rose gold paint, that is. it’s not like...a solid gold hairbrush. Just to clarify.) 

2. Name a food you never eat. meat! I’m vegetarian. also no thank you to mushrooms.

3. Are you typically too warm or too cold? this has changed in the last couple years and I can’t explain it. I used to always be too warm but for the last few years I’ve been cold just all the time. I spent all summer wearing sweaters.

4. What were you doing 45 minutes ago? searching for inspiration via chores. I cleaned the bathroom. it did not help.

5. What’s your favourite candy bar? lion bar

6. Have you ever been to a professional sports game? I....think so? I have very vague memories of potentially attending an Astros game when I was a kid? but the keyword here is vague. very possible that was just a dream. I certainly haven’t done so in recent memory.

7. What is the last thing you said out loud? "no, that doesn’t work.” (seriously, writing is hard.)

8. What is your favourite ice cream? mint chocolate chip!

9. What was the last thing you had to drink? water

10. Do you like your wallet? it’s very functional, so sure.

11. What is the last thing you ate? a piece of chocolate.

12. Did you buy any new clothes last weekend? nope.

13. What’s the last sporting event you watched? uhhhh...when the Astros won the world series a couple years ago, I watched the last game. so that. (not a big sports fan, y’all.)

14. What is your favourite flavour of popcorn? mostly just plain butter and salt. but I do love some caramel corn at Christmas.

15. Who is the last person you sent a text message to? my Lexi

16. Ever been camping? fun story: when I was a girl scout my troop leaders did not want to take us camping for real, so we were gonna set up tents in their backyards. except when the time came we were under air quality alerts. so instead we slept in sleeping bags on the troop leader’s living room floor. and that is the closest I ever got to camping.

17. Do you take vitamins? nope. (I should! but I don’t.)

18. Do you regularly attend a place of worship? not recently. I kind of fell out of the habit after I moved to Louisiana last summer because the priests at the closest church are just....very boring. which is awful, but true. I dozed off during the first couple homilies at the masses I attended and eventually I just stopped going. I made a resolution as part of my Lenten observation to attend weekly mass again and did really well at first! but then, you know. COVID. 

19. Do you have a tan? I do not.

20. Do you prefer chinese or pizza? pizza, definitely.

21. Do you drink your soda through a straw? only when it comes from a restaurant.

22. What colour socks do you usually wear? I have a whole bunch of different socks in varying shades of gold, grey, green, blue...they’re these socks, if anyone’s in the market. (#notspon) very warm and comfy, although I go through them pretty fast. I expect this is because I just wash ‘em regularly instead of following the detailed care instructions. (because who has time?)

23. Do you ever drive above the speed limit? everyone around here drives 5 miles above the speed limit. I do the same to keep with the flow of traffic.

24. What terrifies you? driving into water and being trapped. I’ve been having nightmares about it since before I could even drive.

25. Look to your left, what do you see? my phones.

26. What chore do you hate most? literally any kind of cleaning. why can’t things clean themselves. why does the floor need to be mopped so often. WHERE DOES ALL THIS DUST COME FROM.

27. What do you think of when you hear an Australian accent? that old Monty Python sketch where everyone is named Bruce.

28. What’s your favourite soda? diet coke

29. Do you go in a fast food place or just hit the drive thru? drive thru.

30. What’s your favourite number? 13

31. Who’s the last person you talked to? ……like via phone/in person? my parents on the phone.

32. Favourite meat? none. don’t eat it.

33. Last song you listened to? hark the herald angels sing by pentatonix. got my Christmas playlist going.

34. Last book you read? I’ve been working on an autobiography of a stewardess on the Titanic for like....six months. It’s not a difficult or even particularly long read, I just keep not picking it up. I read half of it in a week and then haven’t touched it since like...September.

35. Favourite day of the week? Sunday.

36. Can you say the alphabet backwards? slowly and with many pauses to think, probably.

37. How do you like your coffee? I don’t. love the smell, can’t stand the taste.

38. Favourite pair of shoes? I have a pair of high heeled boots I wear everywhere.

39. Time you normally get up? around six usually.

40. What do you prefer, sunrise or sunsets? sunrise

41. How many blankets on your bed? three - a quilt, a velvet throw, and a weighted blanket Mir got me for Christmas, which is the BEST THING EVER

42. Describe your kitchen plates. white with a blue pattern of leaves and hearts around the edges.

43. Describe your kitchen at the moment. my stove is in desperate need of cleaning. I heated up some tofu cubes the other night that sent tiny fragments flying everywhere, and when I ran a damp towel over the stove to collect the fragments, it came back soooooo gross. so that needs a real scrubbing.

44. Do you have a favourite alcoholic drink? nope, don’t drink. 

45. Do you play cards? when I was a kid, all the time. these days, not so much.

46. What colour is your car? white

47. Can you change a tyre? theoretically, yes, but I’ve never done it in practice.

48. Your favourite state or province? Texas is where the HEBs are. I miss HEB. so we’ll go with Texas.

49. Favourite job you’ve had? my current job is pretty great!

tagging @ilosttrackofthings, @andyouweremine, @safelycapricious, @sapphireglyphs, @thestarfishdancer, @heytheredeann, and anyone else who’d like to do this!

[anewbrainjughead]

tagged by @spiralescalators  (like weeks ago but i was looking through my mentions to see just how many fucking ray bans posts i’d been tagged in and i came across this and like, even though im a bit late, why not)

Rules: tag people you want to know better/catch up with then answer these questions.

Three ships: went through a recent shaolin fantastic/zeke spiral as per fucking usual, also got weepy over frodo/sam. Also went through some minor spirk and jonmartin phases recently but if i’m being honest, i spent like 3 days reading only snowbaz fic’s, not even because i really wanted to read about them as a couple, but because i love this one account on ao3 that purely writes carry on fanfiction and all of their fics are so good and i was sad.

Last song: I gotta find peace of mind/Oh jerusalem (live) by lauryn hill

Last movie: Suspiria (og 70s version) but i watched half of the new david copperfield movie the other night

Current craving: Honestly, just like standard brothy vegetable soup and brown soda bread. Very boring, but true

Currently reading: uhhhh technically i’m still reading Stone Butch Blues bc i read a decent amount of it a while back, then just kind of kept forgetting to pick it back up. Its a great book though

tagging: @pea-green, @n-yarr, @officialbogwitch, @b00bstone and @c0nstanlyc0nfused

[inkjackets]

But Promises Are Made To Be Broken

Here is the fic I wrote based on @skesgo​’s reset au!!!

Summary: Sans and Papyrus were used to resets, but then monsters started to vanish. The world reset again and again, the underground’s numbers grew fewer and fewer… until finally there were only two monsters left.

And then only one.

Disclaimer: Reset AU and Reset!Blue belong to @skesgo​. The events in this fic are NOT canon to their au, just merely inspired by it. (Go check out their amazing au and art HERE if you haven’t already!!)

The excerpt that Sans reads is from The Universe in Your Hand by Christophe Galfard.

Warnings: Major Character Death, Angst (like, a lot of it. like oh my god i am so so sorry why would you read this why would i write this), Graphic Grieving i guess? and just one f-word.

Word Count: 6234

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18214481

uhhhh enjoy?

——————

The innkeeper’s daughter had been the first to vanish. Sans would never forget that terrible morning.

The bone-chilling screams that shattered the morning air.

The raw desperation in the mother’s eyes.

Her pleading, her begging, her clawing at Papyrus’ hoodie to please do something. Find her! Bring her back! PLEASE!

They had spent hours searching in the forest. Sans had done his best to keep up moral and positivity and hope, but he hadn’t been able to dislodge the despair in everyone’s eyes. They all knew the search was futile.

For the child was gone.

Despite the strange circumstances, despite the distinct lack of dust, they knew that the child wasn’t coming back. The empty pyjamas laid out under the duvet covers, sleeves wrapped around the little toy bunny, was proof of that.

But Sans had soldiered on. He had kept searching until he had been the only one left. And would have kept going if Papyrus hadn’t forced him back to town.

Sans had cried out in protest. They couldn’t just do nothing!

Papyrus had silenced him with a single look. Tears had risen in Sans’ eyes but he’d understood. The child was gone, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t do something. Even if that something was incredibly painful. Even if that something was acceptance.

Sans had followed a pace behind Papyrus’ solemn figure back towards the inn. Papyrus paused outside the entrance. He laid a bony hand on the smooth wooden door before closing his eyes and taking a long drag from his cigarette. Sans took a moment to breathe as well. He inhaled deeply and let the icy air course through him, rinsing himself of unwanted emotion, before opening his eyes and bracing himself for what was to come.

Papyrus pushed the door open.

They found the mother crumpled next to the child’s bed. Hands clutching the duvet, damp from her tears. Sans’ heart fell as the flash of hope in her eyes faded when she saw their expressions. Papyrus knelt down next to her.

‘No, no, no.’ The mother shook her head. ‘She can’t be gone.’ Her voice grew hysterical. ‘There’s not even any dust! She can’t be gone! No, no…’ She collapsed onto Papyrus and burst into tears. Papyrus held her as she wailed into his shoulder. Sans tried his best to shove his emotions down but the mother’s grief was infectious. Within no time his cheeks were wet and shining with silent tears.

Eventually the mother’s sobs slowed. Papyrus helped her stand up.

‘Sans,’ Papyrus said without looking at him. Sans hastily wiped his eyes and gazed up at his brother. ‘Bring the child’s pyjamas and soft toy.’

Sans did as asked, gingerly gathering up the clothes and nestling the little bunny safely among them. Papyrus led them outside. There was a small crowd of concerned townsfolk standing in the snow. Papyrus spoke to them, but Sans didn’t hear what was said. He was too busy concentrating on holding the child’s belongings like they were the most delicate treasure in the world.

Because at that moment, they were.

The weeping mother clutched onto Papyrus as he traipsed into the forest. Sans followed. The villagers of Snowdin trailed behind. They walked and walked and walked. Sans lost track of time, focused on his task of holding the delicate treasure. He looked up only when Papyrus stopped. They had reached one of the most beautiful trees in the forest. It was more isolated than the others and stood in the middle of a small clearing. It was a magnificent thing. Its branches reached high and wide and glittered with ice and reflections from the cavern’s gemstones as its leaves hung gracefully down and fanned out over them, like it was protecting them from some hidden danger.

The crowd silently filtered out and around. It felt as if the whole underground were holding its breath. Sans felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up. His brother nodded and gave him a meaningful gaze. Sans knew what he had to do.

Sans walked forward, his lonely footsteps crunching in the snow, echoing. He knelt down and gently lay the child’s belongings at the foot of the tree. He stroked the bunny once before falling back to Papyrus’ side.

‘Now her essence will live on in the tree,’ Papyrus said softly.

The mother burst into tears.

Sans couldn’t remember how long they had all stood out in the silent snow, listening to the mother cry, praying that the bunny held enough of the child’s essence to allow her to live on.

~*~*~

The mother had vanished the following reset. Sans fell to his knees when he went to check on her. Papyrus closed his eyes and swore under his breath. Sans, apathy taking over his body, had gathered up the clothes and made his way out into the forest. Papyrus didn’t follow. Sans had lain the clothes next to the daughter’s and knelt in silence as the snow steadily soaked his trousers, numbing both his bones and his mind.

Three more piles of belongings had appeared that day.

*

Napstaton had started playing hopeful and uplifting speeches after the third reset. Sans had them all memorised by the ninth. Through his motivational music and inspiring sermons, Napstaton was successful at keeping up moral in the underground, however his demeanour suddenly changed after the eleventh reset. Sans couldn’t figure out why. Only two relatively unknown monsters had vanished that day: a monster known as Onion-san, and one called Mettablook.

*

The world reset again. And again. And again.

The little memorial site Papyrus had started grew. And grew. And grew.  

Waterfall, Hotland, and New Home all started their own as numbers in the underground decreased.

*

Undyne had vanished on the twenty-third reset.

Papyrus had walked out the door under the pretence of buying cigarettes, but didn’t return. Sans spent hours searching for him all over the underground but hadn’t been able to find him. He eventually went home and sat on the couch, frozen stiff and wide-awake, until his brother came back. Papyrus finally returned a full twenty-four hours later, not smelling of cigarette smoke like usual, but of dog food. His eyes had been redder than usual, and the shadows under them deep.

*

On the twenty-fourth reset Alphys had vanished. Sans hadn’t believed it. Not Alphys. Not the strong fearless leader of the Royal Guard. No. She couldn’t… she can’t vanish.

‘Tell me it’s not true, Papyrus!’ He cried as both numbness and hysteria crawled through his bones. ‘PAPYRUS! PLEASE! Not Alphys!’ Tears streamed down his cheeks. ‘Not her! She can’t.’ He hadn’t been able to speak after that. The words got stuck in his throat as sobs wracked his body, wrought with pain. Papyrus held his brother tight. Neither of them had noticed the faint yellow glow in Sans’ eyes.

*

Three weeks into the thirty-ninth reset, Papyrus went missing. Sans knew he hadn’t vanished, but he still panicked as he ran all over the underground in search for him, terrible ‘what-if’ scenarios running riot in his head. Eventually Sans found him outside the entrance to the ruins, slumped against the wall and covered in dirt and brick-dust. The magnificent door had been reduced to rubble. There were damaged bones, both white and orange, half buried in the debris.

Sans ran up to his brother but halted when he saw the purple robe he held in his hands. Papyrus looked up at him, despair clouded his eyes and dirty tears streaked down his face. Sans sat next to his brother and embraced him. Papyrus had curled up and cried on his brother’s shoulder for what felt like an eternity.

*

The underground had fallen silent when Napstaton vanished. It was the fifty-first reset.

Sans had sat in front of the radio, just listening to the static on full blast.

‘You can’t sit there forever,’ Papyrus said.

Sans shook his head fervently. ‘He’ll be back. And I’ll be waiting for him.’

Silence. The sound of grief-stricken exhaustion. Then the slow thud of footsteps as Papyrus headed towards the door. A gust of cold wind washed over Sans as the door opened, momentarily filling the void within him, before gently clicking shut. Sans sat immobile and staring at the wall. His vision went blurry. His body grew numb. His head rang with the static’s anaesthetising buzz as he disassociated from reality. The blue in his eyes had faded as they gave way to yellow.

*

With every reset it was harder and harder to act like normal. But Sans tried, oh how he tried. He’d make breakfast every morning, chat happily with Papyrus, then go out and check his traps. But it was difficult when getting groceries meant raiding the ownerless store (though he always left gold on the counter, just in case). It was a struggle when Papyrus refused to get out of bed, and if he did he’d just sit on the front step and smoke the day away. It was impossible when checking the traps brought back memories of playing with Chara oh so many resets ago. Dreams of what could have been, what should have been, plaguing his mind as he sat huddled in the snow, gazing up at the caverns and imagining the stars.

*

The queen had vanished on the sixty-seventh reset.

‘Papyrus.’ Sans turned to face his brother, tears brimming in his eyes. ‘There must be a way to go back. To bring them all back.’

Papyrus held his brother’s gaze, unable to tell him the truth but not able to lie either. He said nothing.

‘I’ll bring them back! I’ll find a way!’ Sans cried in response to Papyrus’ silence, his voice taking on an edge of hysteria. ‘Even if I have to do it alone!’ Papyrus had pulled his distraught brother close and held him tight until both their shoulders were damp with each other’s tears.

*

The world reset relentlessly.

The underground’s numbers dwindled drastically.

Hope faded to a tenacious glimmer that existed solely in Sans’ yellow-blue eyes.

~*~*~

Sans slowly woke from his fitful sleep. He breathed a sigh of relief, the world hadn’t reset. Today was safe. He rolled out of bed and rearranged the sheets before throwing on some clothes and making his way downstairs to cook breakfast, just like normal.

It had been two months since the last reset, the ninety-second reset, and Sans still made every effort to act like he always had.

He hummed as he cooked. He ignored the lack of people outside and the silent radio, choosing instead to focus on enjoying the act of cooking: the whisking of fresh ingredients, the sizzle of oil in the pan, the buttery smell of pancakes.

Once he was done, Sans piled the pancakes high onto a plate and called Papyrus down, just like normal. For once, his brother actually responded. Sans smiled as Papyrus took a seat at the table.

‘So I’m thinking of going to check on the traps today!’ Sans said enthusiastically, just like normal. He placed two pancakes on Papyrus’ plate and three on his. ‘Would you like to join me?’ Papyrus said nothing as Sans piled cream and fruit onto his own plate, just like normal. Sans handed Papyrus the honey but frowned when his brother poured barely a drizzle over his pancakes. Sans reached over and turned the bottle back upside down so that the pancakes were drowning in the golden syrup. Just like normal.

‘I’m thinking about modifying the third one. You know the one with the switches? It could be better designed, what do you think?’ When Papyrus failed to reply he continued. ‘Also the fifth one gets covered in snow way too easily-‘

‘-Sans,’ Papyrus cut over him, but Sans ignored him and continued his normal conversation.

‘Maybe I should build a small snow wall to stop the snow drift? Or I could get some sort of cover I guess-

-Sans,’ Papyrus repeated, an edge of desperation in his voice.

Sans swallowed. ‘I think I’ll decide when I get there,’ his voice took on a forced tone, ‘after all I don’t want to waste time building a wall for noth-

‘-Sans, Sans stop.’ Papyrus pleaded, ‘We have to talk about this.’

Sans chewed slowly. His grip tightened on his knife and fork. ‘Talking doesn’t work, remember?’ he said, dropping all pretence of normalcy. ‘Or have you forgotten the last time we tried?’

Papyrus averted his gaze. He clenched his jaw. ‘I’m not talking about Chara,’ he said as he looked back at Sans, ‘I’m talking about you. I’m worried about you.’

‘Worried about me?’ Sans spluttered with disbelief, ‘At least I’m able to get up in the mornings!’

‘At least I’m not acting like everything’s normal when it so blatantly isn’t!’ Papyrus’ sharp voice cut into Sans.

Sans didn’t say anything as he stared down at his half-eaten breakfast, appetite gone. He couldn’t do this. Not here. Not now. Why couldn’t everything just go back to normal?

Papyrus groaned and ran his hands over his skull. ‘I’m sorry,’ he said, ‘I didn’t mean to yell like that.’

‘Can we just enjoy the pancakes?’ Sans said quietly, ‘Please?’

Papyrus looked at his brother in dismay but then forced himself to smile. ‘Yeah, okay.’

The metallic clinks of cutlery were the only sounds that broke the solemn silence between the two brothers as they ate their breakfast.

It was anything but normal.

~*~*~

Sans trudged out into the forest by himself, making his way to the traps. Though he soon realised his feet were leading him somewhere else, leading him to the memorial tree. He didn’t object and eventually came upon the little clearing. At least a hundred piles of belongings were strung up on the lower branches of the tree and carefully placed about in the snow around the trunk. It was supposed to look beautiful and moving, but the only image it brought to Sans’ mind was of a dismal looking Christmas tree.

Sans let the cold air wash over him as he gazed out at the bundles of belongings, all of them frozen stiff. Snow drifts piled up against them while ice drew its patterns in the cloth. Two little bunny ears fluttering by the tree caught his eye. He wondered over and crouched in front of the very first bundle that had been placed here. He gently brushed away the snow that covered the little toy and gave it a little hug to warm away the ice particles. He gently placed it back down so it was resting comfortably against the tree. Sans closed his eyes. The trees whispered and the wind swirled and the gems in the caverns shone coldly down on him as he inhaled and clenched the fabric of his shorts. He was going to bring them all back. He was going to stop Chara. He didn’t know how, but he was going to do it. He had to. The alternative was too horrific to even contemplate.

Sans opened his eyes when he heard whimpering behind him. He turned to see a lonely whimsun hovering inches above the snow, clearly distressed.

Sans jumped up and ran over to it. ‘Are you okay? What are you doing out here?’ Concern laced his voice. ‘Are your family gone too?’ The whimsun nodded and started to cry. Sans wrapped his arms around it. ‘Don’t you worry, they’ll all come back, just you wait and see.’ He pulled back and wiped the whimsun’s tears away. ‘But in the meantime, would you like to stay with me and my brother?’ The whimsun nodded.  ‘Come on then.’ Sans took its trembling hand, frozen with cold, and gently lead it back to Snowdin Town.

Papyrus was sitting on the front step of their house when Sans and the whimsun returned. Cigarette butts littered the snow around him and a freshly lit one was softly smoking in between his fingers. Papyrus’ questioning eyes flicked to the whimsun and then back at Sans.

‘It’s staying with us until everyone comes back,’ Sans said.

Papyrus gave his brother a measured look. ‘You still believe that, huh?’

Sans shot him a glare as tears rose in the whimsun’s eyes. He tightened his grip on the whimsun’s hand. ‘Of course I do.’

Papyrus flinched as regret sank into his features. 'Sans, I-'

Sans pushed past his brother and led the whimsun into the house.

By the time Papyrus came back inside, Sans had wrapped the whimsun in blankets, made it tea and food, and was now huddled up next to it on the couch, reading it his favourite book. Papyrus sat down at the table and listened in.

‘…you now gaze at the stars with the eyes of a child.

‘What is the universe made of? What lies in the vicinity of the Earth? And beyond? How far can one look? Is anything known about the universe’s history? Does it even have one?

‘As the waves gently wash over the shore, as you wonder if one will ever be able to probe these cosmic mysteries, the twinkling of the stars seems to lull your body into a half-conscious state. You can hear your approaching friends’ conversations, but, strangely, you already feel the world differently than you did a few minutes ago. Everything seems somehow richer, more profound, as if your mind and body were both part of something much, much, bigger than anything you had ever thought of before. Your hands, your legs, your skin…Matter…Time…Space…Intertwined fields of forces all around you…

‘A veil you didn’t even know was there has been lifted from the world to reveal a mysterious and unexpected reality. Your mind yearns to be back among the stars, and you have the feeling that some extraordinary journey is about to take you very far away from your home world.’

Sans’s words faded into silence. The whimsun had fallen asleep. Sans closed the book and sat up, however as soon as he moved the whimsun started to whimper and tremble as nightmares plagued its mind. Sans placed a hand on the monster’s head and gently stroked it while murmuring words of comfort. It immediately relaxed. It nestled into Sans side and breathed easier. Sans continued to stroke it. Papyrus simply watched from his seat at the table, slouched on his side with his head in his hand.

For a moment the only sounds where the gentle snores of the whimsun and Sans’ soft strokes on its head. The two brothers couldn’t help but feel at peace.

‘Do you know how many times Chara has reset the world?’ Sans asked quietly, breaking the silence.

Papyrus gave a tired shrug, ‘At least fifty since that kid vanished so… a couple hundred since the beginning? Why?’

Sans’ hand stilled on the whimsun. ‘Four hundred and eighty-three,’ he said softly.

Papyrus lifted his head. ‘…What?’ Disbelief clear in his voice.

Sans raised his listless eyes, they bored into Papyrus’ unusually wide ones. ‘Ninety-two since the inn-keeper’s daughter vanished, but four-hundred and eighty-three times since Chara fell. I’ve been keeping count.

‘What? Why? How?’ Papyrus shook his head. ‘That doesn’t matter, you shouldn’t have kept count, it’s not good for your sanity!’ The air grew cold as Papyrus’ words gave way to silence. Sans resumed his stroking of the whimsun.

‘It’s four hundred and eighty-three times I’ve not given in,’ he said, a sliver of optimism ringing through his words. His eyes grew piercing as he held his brother’s gaze. ‘You want to know why I’m trying to act like normal? It’s because if I don’t, it means the others aren’t coming back. It means we’ll never get to the surface and it means Chara’s won. But worst of all, it means I’ve given up.’ His blue eyes shone yellow with grim determination. ‘And I won’t let that happen.’ His blazing words hung there, glistening, in front of Papyrus’ solemn face.

A peal of laughter rang out.

Sans’ eyes widened as Papyrus leant back in his chair and laughed; the soft sound shattered the tense air.

Sans was nonplussed. ‘I’m being serious!’ he exclaimed.

‘Oh I don’t doubt it,’ Papyrus said, grinning. In an uncharacteristic display of energy, he ran over to his brother and leapt on him, giving him a bone crushing hug.

‘Papyrus!’ Sans squealed as he was squashed beneath his giant brother. ‘You’ll wake the whimsun!’

‘Oops, sorry.’ But Papyrus sounded anything but apologetic as he lazily rolled over and sat up next to Sans, a glimmer of laughter still in his eye.

‘What was that all about?’ Sans asked, but he was smiling. He felt warmth growing within him as he looked at his happy brother.

‘I’m sorry for doubting you,’ Papyrus said. ‘You are the magnificent Sans after all.’ He wrapped his arms around Sans and pulled him close. ‘I love you so so much,’ he said quietly. ‘Please don’t ever change.’

Sans returned the hug. ‘I’ll do my best. I love you too.’

They stayed like that all evening, entwined together on the couch. They were happy, actually happy, something they hadn’t felt in a very long time and they held onto it dearly. Sans wished he could have frozen the moment and just stayed there forever. He didn’t want this happiness to disappear. But time is cruel.

Especially when controlled by a malevolent demon.

~*~*~

Sans rolled over in his bed. He froze. No. He clenched his eyes shut. No, no, no. The last thing he remembered was falling asleep on the couch next to his brother, the little whimsun huddled between them. So the fact that he was back in bed…

He burst out his room and slammed his hands to his mouth when he laid eyes on the sofa, empty apart from a little whimsun robe bundled in the middle. ‘No, no, no,’ he mumbled through his hands as he shook his head in denial.

Papyrus came out of his own room. He paled when he saw the empty whimsun robe. His body swayed. He muttered something about being right back before running down the stairs and flying out the door.

‘Papyrus, wait!’ Sans cried, confused, and ran out after him, but he had already gone. Sans stood still in the silent snow. His body slowly turned numb with cold. Only when he started shivering did he go back inside and face the vanished whimsun. He sat on the couch and laid the robe in his lap. He didn’t know what to do with himself. He sat there for hours, staring down at the robe, unmoving, as his glowing blue eyes flickered yellow.

Eventually Papyrus returned. Sans’ head shot up as the door slammed shut. He looked into Papyrus’ dark eyes. His brother didn’t even need to speak, his expression said it all.

They were the only ones left.

Papyrus staggered and collapsed onto the dining chair as anxiety and dread took over him. Tears shone in his terrified eyes. Sans jumped off the couch when he realised his brother wasn’t coping. He gently took Papyrus’ hand.

‘Come on Papy, let’s go put the whimsun with the others.’

Papyrus stared at him in disbelief, but he let Sans lead him out the house and into the forest.

Sans tried not to think about the empty houses they passed, lights still on and clocks still ticking, as if everyone had just popped out for a minute, all at the same time.

He tried not to think about how painfully loud their footsteps were as they trudged through the silent underground. Each crunch a reminder that they were the only living beings left.

He forced himself not to think about what would happen if the world reset again.

They eventually made it to the memorial tree. Sans knelt down in the snow pulled his brother down next to him. Together they laid the little robe in the snow.

Neither of them moved as the trees sighed around them, as if they too mourned. The caverns glittered down upon them, bathing the world in a soft silver and a gentle breeze wrapped itself around them, comforting them in their sorrow.

‘Don’t worry, Papyrus,’ Sans eventually broke the silence. His voice was soft but gritty with determination. ‘I’ll find a way to bring them all back.’

‘I know you will.’ Papyrus’ voice was a mere whisper on the wind.

Sans clenched his fists as the weight of the mountain suddenly pressed in around him. ‘And then we’ll get to the surface and we’ll have our happy ending, just you wait and see!’

There was silence. Papyrus sniffed and wiped his eyes. ‘I wish I could have your hope,’ his voice cracked. Sans turned and hugged his brother. Tears started flowing down Papyrus’ cheeks and soaked into Sans’ shoulder.  

‘How can you still believe that?’ Papyrus sobbed, ‘After everything that’s happened?’

Sans tightened his grip on his brother. He clenched his teeth and buried his head into Papyrus’ shoulder. ‘I have to,’ he said as he forced his tears down. ‘If I don’t have hope, then I have nothing.’

Papyrus sucked in his breath. Sans gasped as his brother squeeze him tight. ‘Don’t say that,’ pain was clear in Papyrus’ voice. ‘You have me. We have each other.’

Sans hugged his brother so hard it hurt. Heat rose behind his eyes as tears spilt. Sans bit down hard on his tongue to stop the unspoken question from slipping through his teeth…

But for how long?

~*~*~

Sans woke suddenly from his sleep. He kept his eyes shut. He didn’t move a muscle. He barely even breathed.

He knew it. He didn’t need to hear, he didn’t need to move, he didn’t even need to see, and he knew it.

He curled over and dug his fingers into his skull as he gritted his teeth and forced himself not to cry. He slammed his hands over his mouth as a wail escaped.

He forced himself to breathe. In and out. In. And out.

He tried to reason with himself. Just because the world has reset, doesn’t mean everyone is gone. There have been resets before where no monster vanished. This is probably just one of them. He felt sick.

Still, with that thought at the front of his mind, he managed to get out of bed. Getting out his room was another matter though. Ever since the whimsun vanished, he and Papyrus had slept together on the couch. So this door was the only thing between him and the possibility of his worst nightmare. He forced his dark thoughts down. He placed his hand on the handle and took a deep, shuddering breath before pushing the door wide.

His mind went numb. His vision swam. His breath stuck in his throat.

No.

He shortcut down the stairs and appeared in front of the couch.

No.

He raised a trembling hand and reached towards Papyrus’ empty jeans and hoodie lying haphazardly on the couch. One arm was flung over the back of the sofa and the other tucked in the pockets. The exact same position he’d been in last night.

Sans tried to cry. He tried to scream. He tried to raise his emotions and destroy the world with its sadistic ways.

But all he could do was stand there in horror.

He couldn’t feel anything. Not the worn softness of Papyrus’ hoodie as he gently picked it up. Not the bite of icy air as he stepped outside. Not the snow flattening beneath his feet as he made his way out into the forest.

Was it hours or seconds that passed? All Sans knew was that he was at the memorial tree. He gazed out unseeing at the hundreds of piles of belongings.

He fell to his knees.

He stared at the blinding white snow. It contrasted sickeningly with the orange of Papyrus’ hoodie in his hands.

Numbness mercilessly pricked his body. All he could feel was a mounting pressure behind his eyes and a ringing in his ears and a wetness on his cheeks.

The memory of the last time he and Papyrus had come here rose foggily to mind, when they had said farewell to the last whimsun - to the last monster.

A bubble of hysterical laughter welled within him. Turns out the answer was twenty-six days. Twenty-six fucking days. Not even a month.

A small breeze weaved around him, making the sleeves of Papyrus’ hoodie flutter. He tried to lower it onto the snow but his hands started violently trembling. They wouldn’t let him put it down. They wouldn’t let him accept that Papyrus was gone. They shook and shook as tears flowed down his cheeks and pressure pounded in his head and they shook.

His breathing quickened.

Papyrus was gone.

Sans choked.

Papyrus was gone.

Sans doubled over. His breathing grew shallower and shallower until it stuck in his throat. His eyes grew hot. Sickness churned inside him. Tightness spread across his chest and his throat closed up as his vision swam in front of him. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t breathe. He clawed at his throat but his bony phalanges slid uselessly over his vertebrae as panic and horror flared in his gut. He fell onto all fours and retched into the snow, his body spasming as it denied reality and its horrible truth. Unwanted magic surged within him. It was angry and burnt his insides. Gaster Blasters appeared in the air above him. He groaned as the pressure grated on his soul. His skull throbbed, it pounded, as blaster after blaster filled the space above him. Sans clenched his jaw and gritted his teeth and gave a wordless cry of pain as reality’s horrors started to sink in. He gasped. He retched. He sobbed.

Papyrus was gone.

Sans screamed as raw emotion slammed back into his being. Blasters roared; bones crashed; trees uprooted as misery and magic poured out of him, all added to the terrible noise ripping itself from Sans. It was a cacophony of agony, despair and grief. It was the sound of a world being torn to shreds. It was the sound of sanity shattering.  

It filled the entire underground.

~*~*~

Sans trembled alone in the snow. He was knelt curled in a ball, head in the snow by his knees, hugging Papyrus’ hoodie. He shivered and shook as tears poured silently down his cheeks, steaming slightly as they hit the snow. Ash and leaves and dirty flecks of snow fluttered and settled around him. The forest around him had been decimated. Every tree was either burnt or damaged or entirely non-existent. All except for the memorial tree. Somehow, it had managed to survive completely unscathed. It stood still and silent as it watched over the lonely figure huddled at its feet.

Sans’ mind was empty as he lay there. The darkness was warm and his breathing comforting. He would have lain like that forever, unmoving in the snow, if it hadn’t been for the laughter.

Sans froze when he heard it ring out, terrified for a moment that the maniacal sound came from himself. But no, he knew that laugh. He sat up. His eyes were orange and flickered like flames in the night.

It was the laugh of a demon.

Sans looked out across the memorial site. Chara stepped out from behind the tree, their blood red eyes glittered dangerously. Sans, shoving his grief aside, jumped to his feet and summoned a bone. He gritted his teeth. He stood his ground. Chara leant against the tree and lazily toyed with a knife. They tossed it into the air. Sans’ eyes followed it as it slowly spun, the metal glinting threateningly, before falling back down and landing in Chara’s outstretched hand.

Sans turned cold as those demonic eyes turned onto him. Chara grinned.

Ẁ͈̆̾͒ẹ̲̺̈́̆l̜̻̳̬̉l̪̙̺̩̟̦̳̅͌̒ ̦̯̦͢ì̼̝̺͒̐̉ŝ̢̘͉n̑'̹̻͉͔̼͇̆̽͗̏̑͠t͔̩̹̆ͩ͆ ̢͖͖͇̼̠ͫͣ̎͆ͦ́t̛̿̊͆͊ͪͧh̻̹̪͙̥̺ͮ͂̓͆i̊̆ͯ͊̏̃͑š̆̅ͬ̚ ͈͍̥͉͎̓͋̇̍̃͘ȉ̺̬̮̅̆̊ͣͬn͖͖͎̯̮̓ͮt̰̘̮̙̤͇̑́ͨͥͅe̹̦͎ṙ͍̟̦̪̭̜͎��́̄ë̞͚̭͖̻͉̺́͌͂͒ŝ̳̩͙̥̭̗̔͝t̙͓ͩ̈��̅i̒͆̍ͤ̾͋͏͖̮̥̲͈̝̣n̗ͭ͗ͥ͑̚͘g̴͉̥̜̩.͎̟̱ͮ͐̒̽͞ ̨̤̯̰̺̼̲̻͋̅ͥ̽̄

Sans snapped.

His eyes blazed as rage exploded within him and waves of bones poured from his outstretched arms. First white. Then blue. And then orange.  

He cried with fury as blasters fired a thousand beams of light towards the demon and blinded the world.

Tears poured down his cheeks and blurred his vision as he focused on destroying those laughing red eyes belonging to the being who had taken everything from him.

He didn’t see the memorial tree get torn up.

He didn’t see the piles of belongings go up in smoke.

He didn’t see Papyrus’ hoodie flutter dangerously close to his wrath.

All he saw was those mocking red eyes as laughter danced around him

Sans’ chest heaved as his attack faded and the fire in his eyes dulled. Flakes of fabric and snow drifted around him. The world slowly came back into focus.

Sans’ eyes widened as he took in the carnage around him.

No, no, no.

He took a step back. Horrified. He shook his head. What had he done.

He raised his hands to his mouth, but that was when he saw the ruined piece of cloth tangling from his fingers.

He choked.

The hoodie was singed and torn beyond repair. Sans swayed as dizziness clouded his vision.

Laughter rang out around him once more.

Sans wailed. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t cope.

Sans ran. He ran and ran and tried to outrun the grief clipping his heels; the pain squeezing his soul; the demonic laughter burning his mind. The torn orange hoodie streamed from his hands and flared out behind him.

He ran through the forest, branches scraping and scratching his bones as he barely bothered to dodge them.

He ran through the empty town and tried not to scream.

The snow turned to slush as he ran into Waterfall, mud splattering his trousers and rain soaking him to the core.

He ran through the glittering caverns, the gemstones shining down on him with indifferent brilliance.

He ran into a field of echo flowers. His foot snagged on a hidden root. He cried out as he tripped and landed face first in the dirt.

The grief caught up with him.

Sans cried out in pain as sobs wracked his body and anguish filled his mind. His tears sank into the earth as he weeped into the cold soil. He cried his heart out as he mourned the lost souls of the underground, mourned his lost brother, mourned his lost hope.

Sans didn’t know how long he lay there for on the cold wet ground. Eventually his sobs lessoned as he started to shiver, but he was beyond getting up. As the silence grew around him he started to become aware of whispering around him. He froze with horror, but relaxed when he realised the whisperings were of a peaceful nature.

It was the echo flowers.

He closed his eyes and let the murmurings wash over him.

         *I want Dad to come back. That’s my wish.

         *Despite everything that’s happened, I’d still like to climb this mountain we're all buried under.

         *Please, I just want my sister back. Is that too much to ask?

         *Let’s not think about the future. Right now, we still have each other.

His breathing deepened and his tears slowed as the echo flowers calmed and comforted him. With a groan he managed to roll himself onto his back. He opened his eyes. He gazed up at the icy blue flowers leaning over him.

         *Do you really think they are all gone? Truly?

         *No, I believe that they’ll come back one day.

         *But so many people have vanished. How can you believe that?

         *If something can vanish, why can’t it reappear?

Slowly, ever so slowly, Sans started to sit up. The effort was almost beyond him and he started crying again as he forced himself upright. His bones screamed at him in protest. His vision doubled. His chest tightened.

          *Someday we’ll look at the stars for real. You, me, and everyone that vanished.

Sans took a shuddering breath. As the echo flowers whispered their words, he felt something alight inside of him.

          *Someone will save us. I know it.

Hope.

Sans lifted his head. The people of the underground hadn’t been erased, not completely. Even if they didn’t physically exist, their hopes and dreams still did. Sans gave the barest of smiles. He wasn’t alone.

Orange caught the corner of his eye. His smile dropped. He picked up the ruined cloth and hugged it. ‘I’m sorry,’ he whispered, ‘I lost my hope for a second there.’ He laid the torn hoodie out in front of him and ripped off a bit of fabric. He tied it around his leg. ‘But I won’t ever let that happen again,’ he said with a quiet intensity. He then started to dig a small hole in front of one of the echo flowers. He inhaled. The smell of fresh flowers and soil cleansed him from the inside. He laid the hoodie in the hole and covered it with earth. He summoned a small blue-orange bone and stuck it half in the dirt, marking the little grave. The echo flower leant over protectively. Its petals were wide and expectant, waiting for Sans’ words.

Sans spoke. His words were soft yet determined to the core. The echo flower soaked them up and sung them back at him, adding his voice to the chorus of hopes and dreams in the underground.

‘I’ll bring you back, Papyrus. I’ll bring you all back.’

‘I promise.’

[longeyelashedtragedy]

Writer ask meme

I was tagged by the flamazing @feedingmyinsomnia​ <333 and i will tag...if you want!... @perfectpiety @amethyst-fox-jv @ayerlind @sitkowski and anyone else who writes who sees this!  but you don’t have to, just feel honored that i tagged you ;)

ao3 name: catmanu!

fandoms: currently writing in the football (as in soccer) rpf fandom, but always have other things on my mind as well.

number of fics: i’ve written SO many in my lifetime and most have never been published anywhere.

fic i spent the most time on: technically “exit right” because it took me like...a year and a half to write it?  in terms of like...period of time spent actively writing it’s definitely “trophy boyfriend.”

fic i spent the least amount of time on: either “fly faster!” which i wrote in like, an hour or “jet ski još čeka” which i wrote over the course of a day.

shortest fic: my shortest standalone fic on ao3 is “the world drowned” at 370 words--my ancient shireen baratheon/rickon stark futurefic 

most hits / most kudos / most comment threads / most bookmarks / highest total word count:  ok im leaving out the drabble collections.  omg without even looking i know this is all gonna be fuckin... “captivated” because i’m The arya/jaqen person on ao3 even now.  let’s see.  most hits: “captivated,” most kudos: “captivated,” most comment threads: “trophy boyfriend,” most bookmarks: “captivated,” highest total word count: “trophy boyfriend.”  sigh

favorite fic i wrote: omg i think i made a post like this recently?   most recently my favorite fics are “trophy boyfriend,” “5.VII.,” “ça c’est ma dope,” “what we do in the élysée,” “victory rain,” “the heat of it all,” “soy loca con mi tigre,” “chief of the armed forces.”  in the past i love all my arya/jaqen stuff so much.  i really do love most of what i’ve written that i posted, but these stand out to me.  oh, and how could i forget-- “modernity towering in front of the sky.” still slaps tbqh

fic i want to rewrite/expand on: everything i’ve written is its own thing.  i don’t usually write things that require a sequel or anything, so there isn’t really anything i can think of?

share a bit of a wip or story idea you’re working on:, ok, so, ahhhh.  i post a lot from my current big ass wip “mare liberum,” but another thing i’m agonizing over is my šluka (šime & luka) longfic “we light up the world.”  i thought it was going to be a fun little jaunt but it’s killing me because there’s not much of a precedent for it and i honestly have no idea how to write the pov.  F in the chat for my pov.  but sigh, i’ll stick a bit of it below; read at your own risk...

Tonight there really is a reason for him to be available and he’s had enough rakija on an empty enough stomach (what was the last thing he ate? How come he can’t remember?) to feel like putting his hand on Luka Modrić’s strong heroic leg and leaning into his face till their noses touched just like on Zadar beach and saying…well, he’s not sure what he’d say.  But he has to pretend he’s sober because Luka is pretty sober and his whole family is here anyway.

Fuck it!  They should have just done the grapes thing!

Šime pulls out his phone and makes Deki a Happy New Year! video instead.  It feels really good to talk to Dejan, even if he can’t talk back.

He gets an idea in the middle of this.  “Hey, look,” he says to his phone.   “Look who’s here with me.  Wait for it…wait for it…HEY…CAPTAIN!”

At least Luka looks happy to see him, and that makes him feel warm all over, warmer than you get from drinking alone.  He turns away from Vanja.  “What’s up?”

“Wanna say hi to Dejan with me?  Say hi, Captain Luka.”

Luka smirks.  “Are you two live?  I don’t want to be in any of your lives.”

Šime clutches his heart.  “Did you hear that, Deki?   Our captain doesn’t like our lajjjjjjvs.  Think we should—mutiny.”

Suddenly Luka’s bony chin lands on Šime’s shoulder.  “Happy New Year!” he yells in Šime’s ear.  Šime doesn’t really mind.  “Are you back in Croatia?  How many times have you bullied Davor this—oh, you’re not live.”  He ruffles Šime’s curls.  Dejan’s not going to be too thrilled about that, but considering he and Šime are both, well, married—and not to each other—Šime figures he can’t reasonably complain about someone else touching his ljubavi’s hair.  And he’ll tell Deki that if he does.  “You should have told me.  I feel stupid.”  He winks.

“Well...you said you didn’t want to be in any of our lajjjjjjvs,” Šime sings.  “So, now you’re not.  See?”  He sticks his tongue out at his video for Deki.  “C’mon, brate, I’ll show you who else is here.”  He moves away from Luka quickly.  Just in case.

He isn’t sure how much time has passed, but he’s definitely helped himself to another drink or two or more than two, and suddenly Luka has appeared next to him.  His hair looks so soft and fluffy and beautiful and Šime just wants--really, really wants to take Luka in his arms and put his nose in his hair and just hold him for a long time.  Rest his head on top of Luka’s head, maybe.  Whisper we’re so lucky to have you.  Please don’t ever retire, play until your bones turn to dust.  Please don’t leave.  

“Hey, do you want a ride home?” Luka asks.  All of a sudden he puts his arm around Šime and Šime pinches his leg pretty hard to make sure this is real.  Luka’s arms are—tricky.  When you first see them, you don’t realize how strong they are.  But when you feel them, you know.  And when one of them is wrapping around your shoulders like a big, heavy snake, you really know.  “I don’t know how you got here, but you shouldn’t get home that way.”

Šime snorts.  “Thanks, Mom.  Since when do you care…I’ve seen you way more drunk than I am right now.”

Luka is playing with the ends of his hair.  Why is Luka playing with the ends of his hair?  He pinches his leg again and it stings a little, but, is he dreaming that he’s pinching himself?  Did someone put something in the rakija?  He stares around the room wildly for a second, wondering who in there’s trying to get him in bed.  “Yeah, but I had people to take care of me, then,” Luka says.  “Even if people was just you and Domo holding my legs.”

“Mmmmm,” Šime agrees, remembering much more about those days than just that.

“But especially you.  You always look out for me when I get like…”  Luka gives him a wet kiss on the forehead and lets go of his shoulders.  “So let us drive you back.”

“Uhhhh.”  Šime stares at Luka till his eyes cross.   Wow, he’s definitely more drunk than he thought he was.  “Okay,” he says.

Sofia is asleep by the time they leave.  Vanja carries her to the car.  Their older two’s eyes are closing as they walk, so Luka holds their hands.  Šime walks a few steps behind them, feeling kind of like the family dog.  It’s not too late to call an Uber, right?.  He really should just call an Uber.  He will, actually.  He pulls out his phone only to realize that making Dejan a video had used up all the battery.

“Go on, sit in the front.  Come on.”  Šime blinks. Vanja is smiling at him. 

“No, that’s...You should sit next to Luka. I’m totally cool with sitting with the kids! They’re all so awesome.”

“They’re all so asleep,” Vanja says. Šime peeks into the car. In the back, Ivano and Ema have already passed out. “Take the front. You’re our guest.”

Šime flops into the passenger seat. He doesn’t want to be rude to Vanja, or make anything even more awkward. But it’s just that up here Luka’s cologne smells so strong and it would be so easy to reach over and just touch him while telling him he still thinks about being a Zadar kid with him just about every week. And he’s so bad at resisting temptation when he’s drunk. Mmmmm, my sinner, Dejan would say sometimes. My beautiful sinful sinner, God, my beautiful perfect—

“Hey, got a playlist?” he asks quickly.  If he gets hard thinking about Deki this won’t get any less weird. “How about some Marice, mariceeeeee--”

“I wish,” Luka says. “But the kids…”  Šime watches how the streetlights light up all the interesting angles of his face.  “Once they’re asleep, you’ll do anything to make sure they stay asleep.  You know how that goes.”  

Šime swallows around the guilty lump that’s suddenly appeared in his throat and he nods.  He keeps his eyes fixed on Luka’s face.  Each time a car’s headlights flash across it, it changes.  Sometimes he looks much younger than he is. And sometimes he looks…older than 34.  Like an eternal captain, like he’ll somehow be Šime’s leader forever even after he retires.

“Luka, stop talking to him,” Vanja says from behind him.  “He looks about as exhausted as the kids.”

“What?  That’s like asking me to stop playing football,” Luka says. “I could never stop talking to Šime.”  And keeping his eyes on the road, he takes one hand off the wheel to rest it on Šime’s leg. “We go way back.  Zadar kids and all.”

Suddenly words are hard.  “We, uhhh—yeah.  It’s not like I knew you back in the day.  We don’t go back that f--that--we…”

“What did I say?” Vanja said.  “Your best right-back’s falling asleep.”

“No, ‘m…’m not, I…”  And Luka is gently squeezing his knee, and--

“Maybe help him get inside,” Vanja is saying.  Šime blinks.  Somehow they’re back at his place and he has no idea how it happened.

“Hey, did I snore?  Did I talk in my sleep or something?”

“Nope,” Vanja says.  “I hate to say it, Šime, but you’re pretty boring when you sleep.”

“Oh?”  He yawns.  What is he, an old man all of a sudden?  A few drinks and this is what happens to him?  “Dejan says I’m cudd--”

“Okayyyy, out,” Luka says.  He’s totally covering up a laugh.  Shit!  “That’s a good idea, Vanja.  I’ll get him inside.  Can’t lose a defender, right?”

Šime says goodnight to Vanja, who now definitely knows he and Deki are fucking, but she’s a pretty chill person, so it really could be worse.  His legs wobble underneath him, and he bumps into the warm hood of the car.

[dontyoudarejudgemesworld]

Another one already, but only because I’m stuck in bed with a cold.

So here is Chapter two of The Apple Doesn’t Fall Far. Once again you can click here if you want to read it on AO3.  Not too much more to say about it, besides in general I hope to get one or two chapters up a week but wont make any promises. Real life is chaos and I have most of the fic written however it currently resides in a handful of note books so transcribing it is the name of the game. And with that allow me to fling yet another chapter of an insignificant fic int yawning void that is the internet

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The Apple Doesn’t Fall Far Chapter Two: One Conversation 

“Soos watch the Shack. I’m going out,” Stan barked as he headed out the door. The young man’s surprised but excited affirmative barely registered as he climbed into the Diablo and started it up. This was insane, it was noon on a Saturday in peak tourist season he should be leading tours and fleecing rubes. He shouldn't even be bothering with the woman. As far as she and the rest of the world were concerned Stanley was dead. The woman had already given him a free pass. She’d told him she’d understand if he didn’t come looking for her and bowed out. He had too many things on his plate; he had a lie to maintain to the world while trying to figure out the damned portal. She’d said he’d never see her again and he honestly believed her.

And that was why he was doing this wasn’t it? Because he couldn’t just leave well enough alone. He was far too curious, he’d always wanted kids when he was younger. He’d secretly wanted the whole shebang; a sweet little wife, a few kids, a house down the street from Sixer and his research. Of course that had derailed when he’d been kicked out and he realized he wasn’t exactly fatherly material. Worthless just like the old man said.

In retrospect he should have considered he might have a kid out there somewhere. He had spent many night is beds that weren't his own in search of warmth or some kind of fleeting companionship. And while he had normally taken steps to prevent such an outcome he had slipped up a few times. And with a list of one night stands a long as a New York phone book the odds had stacked against him. Still it hadn't really been a thought until last night when Stanley Pine’s illegitimate daughter came knocking on his door. His daughter.

The thought was still like a cold bucket of water every time. At first he’d tried to figure out how it wasn’t true. The test had been wrong after all paternity test were only 99.9% positive. She didn’t look that much like his mother her eyes had been brown like Ford’s and his. And the fact that she had six fingers…that was just a coincidence. Yeah, and pigs could fly while singing opera. He’d tried all night to find a lie convincing enough, but had failed miserably. Turned out 40 years of lying about everything wasn’t even enough practice when his own child was staring into his face.

And how the hell had she even found him? Seriously he hadn't gone by Stanley Pines for years especially when it came to women. Couldn’t risk dragging them into the shit show that was his life from the poor decision to spend a night or two with him. Yet somehow she’d not only managed to find out who he was but to track his ‘brother’ down in the middle of nowhere with proof. How the hell had she managed that? What kind of ‘friends’ did she have that obtaining federal evidence was possible? Was that even legal?

Not that she looked like she would have a problem if it wasn’t. While he knew that reading a book by its cover was never a good idea she looked rough. It wasn’t just her appearance either. There had been a hardness to her eyes that he knew too well came from years of running in dark alleys and knowing all the wrong people. And her voice had an edge to it beneath that southern drawl she had. The kind of edge that spoke of slit throats, gun fights, and darkness.

Pulling into the Twin Bed’s parking lot he spotted her bike in front of room six. He was sure there was some kind of irony or poetry or whatever in that. Shifting into park he took a deep breath.

One conversation to get some answers. That was all. He needed to know how she found him, after all if she’d dome it maybe someone else could. Sure, she thought he was Ford, but still his past coming back to haunt him in anyway was the last thing he need. That was why he was here…for answers.

Wow… a lie he almost believed.

“You can do this, Stanley. In and out,” he said as he switched off the car, but he couldn’t bring himself to get out. This was insane. He should just leave the woman be, he didn’t need more complications. Besides what could he give her besides trouble. Shaking himself his hand raised to start the car but the door to room six opened and he froze. His daughter stepped out shoving unruly black curls out of her face as she squinted up at the sun. Shaking her head she pulled something out of her pocket and lit a cigarette. Slouching against the wall she rolled her shoulders and stared off into the woods and Stan knew he couldn’t leave. Groaning he climbed out of the car and slammed the door causing her head to snap over to his direction. He froze for a split second feeling her eyes boring into him.

Smoothing his face into his mask he strode towards her calm and collected even as his brain screamed for him to run the other direction. Twenty seven steps is what it took to reach her. For a moment they just stood staring at each other before she exhaled a cloud of smoke away from him. “Well, if I was a betting woman I’d have lost,” she said with a smirk, “So…uhhh nice day, huh?”

“Uhhhh yeah real…uhhhh sunny,” he replied rubbing the back of his neck nervously. A heavy silence descended as they stared at each other. A few awkward moments passed before she stubbed the cigarette out on her boot and cleared her throat. “Look I think I’m gonna need a beer for this. You?” she said cocking an eyebrow.

“Yeah, I think you’re right,” he said and relief flashed on her face and he let out the breath he’d been holding. “Well come on in,” she said as she opened the door to her room. It was small and tidy with a twin bed and a dressed with an old TV perched on top of it. In the corner was a small table with two chairs and a mini fridge. Walking over she pulled two bottles out and popped the tops before sitting down and sliding one over towards him. Taking a seat he nodded his gratitude as he picked it up as she took a long sip of her own. Following suit he stared at her wondering how he had missed how much she looked like Ma. “So I’m sure you have a million questions so go ahead and ask away,” she said and he considered where to start.

“Sure, so uhhh how’d you find me? I mean Stanley wasn’t exactly…,” he trailed off causing her to smile.

“Forth coming with his identity,” she finished for him chuckling, “Well yeah it took a while. He told my mother his name was Stetson Pinesworth,” she admitted, “But I’m a professional P.I. so I was able to follow the strings. Once I chased down his real name it was relatively easy to find you and your older brother Sherman. I considered not going any further but…,” she shrugged, “I thought y’all might want to know that Stanley had some small part of him out there even though it seems like…he was a bit of a black sheep so to say. And I chose to come find you instead of Sherman because I figured with you being a genius and all you could make a call on if Sherman and his kid needed to know. Plus I admit I was curious of what my father looked like and since you’re twins…,” she told him with a shrug and and awkward smile as she took another drink. Letting out a huff of laughter at that he grinned back. He noticed that her words were more precise then yesterday and that her accent seemed to all but disappear. So this is her professional voice, he thought taking another small sip.

“Well sorry it couldn’t be more appealing kid. I wish I could say you got lucky and took after your mother but truth is you look like our Ma when she was young,” he said and she laughed putting him a bit more at ease.

“T’ain’t that bad. It takes a special kind a looks to rock a fez,” she added with a smirk a bit of her drawl slipping through. “Hey it sells the Mr. Mystery a bit more,” he replied, “So yur ma was…,” he asked and she scowled slightly.

“Mary Pisano. She wasn’t…the motherly type. Drink and drugs were way more interesting then her kids. Far as I can guess she got her claws into your brother at a bar and had some fun. I wouldn’t judge him too harshly if I were you though she was real good at that sort of thing. Poor sap probably had no idea what he was getting into,” she told him her voice hard and each word sharp, “She doesn’t really matter. By the time I was nine I was in the foster system. So there isn’t really much to know there,” she added and he took the hint that that wasn’t a subject she was real keen on talking about. Taking a drink he tried to remember her mother but the name meant nothing to him. He wished that he could honestly say that she’d been something special to him, one of the ones worth remembering but no. Just another nameless port of comfort in the sea of misery that was his life.

“Yeah, well he was a bit of a hound,” he said quickly taking another drink to cover his own discomfort.

“Like I said I cant blame him. She was beautiful and that can make any man stumble from time to time,” she said with a smile that he returned. For some reason  the fact that she seemed to honestly mean those words made him feel a bit relieved that he didn’t recall her mother.  

“I suppose that’s right. After all there’s a million stories about men doing dumb shit because of a pretty girl. So you got any questions for me?” he asked and she shrugged.

“I mean yeah a million but I cant really think of them now. Like I said I never really expected you to come ‘round, and I would imagine you cant answer most of them since you ain’t him,” she admitted, “I guess…I really just want to know if he was a good man,” she said after a long moment of consideration. He felt his face fall at that. He wasn’t a good man, he was a liar that sold junk to tourists. And before he’d been…well just about everything except a good man.

“Well…,” he began but she waved her hand to silence him.

“Before you go getting all squirrelly on me I literally have a collection of files on his criminal record. He was a con among other things I know that. But just because he was a criminal doesn't mean that he was a bad man,” she told him and he felt his face twist in confusion causing her to let out a low chuckle, “Look I know that just because someone was a criminal doesn't mean they were all bad. You do what you gotta to survive. So I ain’t askin’ if he was law abidin’ I’m askin’ if he was a good man? If he had a good heart,” she explained and he stared at her mouth slightly agape for a long moment. He’d never though of it like that. Was he a good man? He certainly tried to be but he felt like he’d failed. Sure he’d never hurt anyone he didn’t have to or stolen from people who couldn’t afford it. But still…

“He tried to be,” he said finally, “I mean his heart was in the right place but it always seemed to go wrong. He wanted to make things right for the family but seemed to just fall from one bad situation to the next.I don’t know if that makes him good or not,” he added finally and she nodded.

“I would think it did. I mean my opinion is to judge more by intent not out come generally,” she said with a soft sigh, “The saying is that the road to hell is paved with good intentions, but I cant dismiss the intent just because the final destination sucks,” she told him evenly They lapsed into silence for a few minutes before she finished her drink and rose to get another. He watched her move to the fridge considering her. It was strange to him that she seemed so nonpulse about the whole thing. What kind of life had she led that she could calmly dismiss his criminal record so easily?

“I see you had your extra finger removed,” she said finally breaking the silence and pulling him from his thoughts. Looking up at her he realized that she was looking at the ‘surgical scars’ he’d given himself after the funeral. He’d done it because he was tired of wearing those damned gloves all the time around the family.

“Uhhh….yeah. They were starting to lock up and I figured it would be better to do it before they got real bad,” he said quickly hoping that she didn’t see right through the lie. She seemed to be able to read him, and he guessed if she was a PI she would have to be able to tell a lie when she heard one.

“Makes since. I mean I only have it on my left hand but the docs warned me that it was prone to arthritis. Figure I’ll deal with it if it happens until then,” she shrugged and he was a bit relieved that he had chosen the right excuse. “So I gotta say you’re pleasant enough to talk to but I’m thinkin’ maybe I ain’t ready for your brother and his family just yet,” she admitted suddenly and he blinked in surprise.

“What? Why?” he asked wondering if he’d done something wrong.

“It isn’t you,” she laughed seeming to read his feelings again, “It’s me. I’ve always been out on my own. Which was fine. I’m a big girl, but I’m finding talking to you is…a lot. His family seems pretty close knit where as you seem a bit more of a loner…another reason I decided to talk to you. The idea of being introduced to any more of you right now is…Unsettling. If you even think that he would care,” she told him with a grin.

“Shermie is a big softy, he’d love to have you around,” he assured he quickly, “I suppose you could say he’s the sentimental one out of us. But yeah I can see where you’re coming from,” he admitted thinking about it for a moment. Shermie had always been the glue the bound them together. He’d always made sure to stay in touch and insisted that Stan had a relationship with his nephew and the twins (to the point that violence had been threatened if he didn’t show up at family gatherings at least once in a while). After he’d faked his own death Sherman had seemed even more hell bent to keep keep the family together, if he found out that his ‘dead’ little brother had a daughter she’d be dragged into the fold kicking and screaming if necessary. And when Stan considered what she’d just said he could only imagine how uncomfortable that would be for her.

She gave him a grateful smile and opened her mouth to speak only to be cut off by her stomach letting out a loud gurgling sound. He almost laughed out loud as she pressed her hand lightly to her stomach her cheeks coloring a bit like a guilty child.

“Sorry, I haven’t eaten in..,” she paused appearing to think about it for a moment, “…a while? Time has gotten away from me lately,” she finished lamely. Cocking an eyebrow he gave an amused smile as he shook his head.

“Day drinking on an empty stomach, huh?” he said rhetorically as he stood up, ”Not a bright idea there kid. Come on. I’ll show you the best place in town,” he offered,”We can continue awkwardly staring at each other over food,” he added and she let out a bark of laughter that broke the tension he hadn’t realized had descended on them.

[redyarns]

💘

sometimes i think i'm too unhealthily obsessed with romantic fanfiction sometimes and everything else in my life suffers. it gives me major anxiety to think about.

also i already spent one ask just talking about how weird i've been feeling so let's talk about something more positive??? like uhhhh.... well tbh nothing's been spectacular these past few weeks. i'm getting more and more stressed about my grades and my sat is in like 2 days so woo, i guess?? i'm already exhausted and i haven't even taken it yet. idk.

OH WAIT YES actually there is some slightly good news??? idk if you guys know this but i'm taking a phlebotomy class and we're finally starting to learn about the best veins to puncture and stuff like that. the lab safety is important too but it's something i've already mostly gone over in my intro to healthcare class so i snoozed through most of it. it's super cool to learn about all this stuff, especially since we'll be taking the national exam at the end of the year and become!! licensed phlebotomists!!!!! this'll definitely help with income issues later on, since i'll at least have a safety job to fall back on. phlebotomy isn't something i'm interested in particularly, it's too simple and too lab-based for me to want to deal with, but it's still definitely interesting. it's annoying trying to differentiate between m-shaped and h-shaped veins but uhhhh i'll get there someday i guess lmao

also i've been writing a lot more which is good! i don't think anyone who follows me reads it but alphabet soup has been my most recent fic and i love it to death. it's not well-liked but hey i think it's cute and that's all that matters, right? it's my baby.

also also i finally gave in and got tik tok and god i'm obsessed. what's worse though is seeing so many cute people on there and knowing they're either straight/taken/not interested so i just coo at their faces before moving on. the shit on there is funny as fuck though, a lot of the videos cater to my weird sense of humor and i love it.

also also also i think i'm getting sick again which just makes me go .-.

[eventuallyfail]

surfaces

pairing: reader x lin summary: (requested) Lin-manuel x actor! reader where the reader is in an abusive relationship and shes been keeping a secret but one day she comes into practice with a ton of bruises that she tried to hide but lin notices when reader flinches away from a hug just a lot of angsttt

a/n: Slight twist on the request. I tried very, very hard to make it clear that this isn’t exactly a ~savior fic. And because I suck, it’s still a relatively happy ending. This is a ONE SHOT. trigger warnings: self blaming, abusive relationship (both physical and mental aspects are touched upon), uhhhh... that’s about it I think? but anyway procede w caution

Sometimes people only saw the surface. The relationship that you were supposed to have with Adam was the hashtag relationship goals with the perfect Instagram feed of staged couple photos. Five years ago, you missed your flight and met Adam in JFK while waiting for the next flight back to your hometown. You had hit it off, exchanged numbers, and you claimed it was love at first sight. You had both spent the next few hours until your rebooked flight talking and it was like no time passed at all. Sometimes you wished you were still living in that moment. It was easy.

When you landed in your hometown, you had turned your phone back on to fifty missed messages – all from Adam. You laughed it off whenever telling that part of the story even though it had made you uneasy at the time. Sure, Adam was intense but it was just part of the fairytale charm. That was what you told everyone, anyway. You never mentioned the part where the intense level of messages never stopped, that you sometimes muted him simply because it became too overwhelming, that the reason you turned off read receipts was because he’d get angry when you didn’t respond right away.

You found yourself walking around eggshells a year in. Everything seemed to set Adam off and every single dream of yours didn’t seem to matter half as much as Adam’s. He seemed disinterested in everything you had to say about your job and rather than end it, you decided it was best to try to stick it out. It was hard, but it seemed to stabilize out. One day he came home with flowers, apologizing for being distant and cooked you dinner. He was charming again, and you felt content in that. It had just been a rough patch. That’s what you had told yourself.

By now, it was too many years of investment to want to back out. The fights grew more intense, escalating and you found yourself scared every time the both of you fought. You didn’t like who you turned into when the two of you fought and you started to worry that if anyone knew about the fights, they’d think you were at fault somehow. It was a sinking feeling in your gut any time you shoved Adam off you, the worry that you were being the unreasonable shrew he accused you of. You cooked him dinner and apologized as you tended to his bruises, ignoring your own. Sometimes he grabbed you a little too roughly. That felt like a failure on your part too – you never told him upfront at the start that it hurt when he grabbed you like that.

You ended up getting a chance on your dreams. It was an ensemble role in a musical that seemed like an insane idea – the perfect thing to take your mind off your home life. You didn’t tell Adam about the part of being an alternate for the dual role of Peggy Schuyler and Maria Reynolds. You figured that the chances of taking on the role was astronomical. And for a few weeks of rehearsal, everything was good. Adam seemed calmer – you came home with dinner and he seemed in better spirits. You figured everything would turn around eventually. The show opened and Adam cheered you on, claiming that your bit part was the best part of the show. It was the first time he’d been so kind in ages and you got swept up in it. You should’ve known it was too good to last.

You made the mistake of coming home too early a few months in and you found out the reasoning behind Adam’s good mood. You felt your heart shattered into pieces. You started screaming at the strange girl in your apartment, yelling at her to get out and throwing a glass at the wall. Adam yelled at you for coming home early. Suddenly it was hyperreal – something had broken between the two of you ages ago. “You’re always going out of your way to hurt me,” the familiar accusation came from him. “You never think about how I feel! I was lonely and Sandra…”

For the first time in years, you weren’t having it. “So it’s my fault you decided what we had wasn’t worth fighting for?”

This time you remembered who threw the first punch, who had always thrown the first punch. It was a sickening realization you felt deep in the pit of your stomach. That you stood up for yourself and he tried to force you into submission. You let yourself black it out because you didn’t want to have been wrong like that. And for the first time in ages, you were willing to leave in the middle of a fight. You had always wanted to work it out but this time you found you no longer cared if it worked out. And he pulled you back so hard you could swear it felt like your arm was being ripped off.

You were late for work that day. You had done your best to cover up the bruise forming on your eye and you knew Adam would show up tonight to watch the show. It was just your luck that you were going on tonight as Maria. It was just your luck that Jasmine was sick, somehow the alternate had a family emergency, and the standby was also sick making you the one who went on. It was just your luck that you had a bad feeling Adam would show up, expecting you to still be in the chorus. You didn’t want anyone to know so you applied make up to bruises on your arm in the bathroom, realizing how dead in the eyes you looked as you methodically dabbed on the heavy theater make up. Suddenly you wondered if it was that obvious to everyone how you looked. You contemplated if they really did look that bad or if your imagination was making them look worse than they really are.

When you left the bathroom, you were yelled at by the tech crew for being late to get mic’ed up. You were yelled at for not having the wig on in a timely fashion. It was like it was time to yell at you for everything. And to be fair, you were late and they had no idea why. You forced a smile, apologized for your tardiness. You let it be your fault rather than admit to everyone in the crew that you had been so deeply wrong about the judge of character. Whatever happened was behind you and you plastered on the fake grin that served you well throughout the first half of the show’s run. You pretended to not notice Adam in the crowd, looking grumpier throughout the show.

The fake smile stayed as you chatted with everyone backstage, acting like there was nothing wrong. You were trying to steal yourself up for act two. Everyone knew how the story went and you could feel your heart fluttering. Lin, however, had other plans. “Your debut as a Schuyler sister went splendidly,” he said, pulling you up without much warning into a tight hug and you winced. You hadn’t realized how much your ribs hurt and you felt the bruises on your upper arm. “Wait, are you okay? I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

You shook your head instantly. “I’m fine,” you lied instantly. “Just… you know. It’s hard work being on stage.”

Did he believe it? You weren’t sure. You left as quickly as you could, your heart in your throat. Playing out Maria’s story was easier than being yourself. You didn’t have to think about Adam watching your every move when you were concentrating on trying to hit the insane notes in Say No To This. You were all too willing to wrap yourself up in the feeling of Lin’s lips pressed hard against yours, how easy it was to get lost in the character. It let you ignore the pang in your heart at the line “please don’t leave me with him, I am helpless”. It let you keep your eyes on Lin rather than turning to Adam during that line. Moments faded away far too easily, and you found yourself taking the bow at the end of the act far sooner than you’d like. It was wondering how the five years changed you, how they’d changed Adam (had they? or was the wool finally off your eyes?), how they changed your relationship, and how they changed your career.

Your smile was wide, faker than reality tv. It hurt your cheeks and you could feel the bruise on your eye pulsating. You only had to make it out of this dress and back home. The more you thought about it, the more you wondered if Pippa would be willing to let you crash on her couch. You didn’t want to go back to Adam tonight and you had this sinking feeling of worry of what would happen with Adam. You didn’t want to be the cliché who went back to the man who hurt you. Then you realized – you had been that cliché. It was like tonight was the switch flipped on and you were seeing the past five years in perfect clarity.

The fight on the way home from your parents where he wanted you to stop seeing your parents two years ago suddenly was in a harsher context: he wanted you isolated. When he claimed your best friend was a possessive pyscho after she was begging you to leave him. The red flags clicked together. You found yourself shattered on the dressing room floor with the dress half pulled off and your wig in your hand while you realized you had no tears left to cry. That you cried everything you had over the past five years. So you pushed yourself up off the floor, yanking the dress off and pulling back on your street clothes before heading off to catch up with Pippa.

Unfortunately, it seemed today was actively rooting against you. When you arrived to the dressing room that Pippa, Renee, and Jasmine shared, Pippa was already gone, and you didn’t think Renee would want someone crashing on her couch when she already had a family to take care of. So when Renee asked if you needed anything, you said that you were good. You didn’t want to impose. You left their dressing room, wondering what you were going to do. You had a joint account with Adam and you were certain he’d cancel your debit card to keep you from going anywhere else.

The universe was kind sometimes, though. You ended up running into Lin on your way out and he seemed surprised. “Thought you would’ve gone home with Adam,” he said casually. “What are you still doing here?”

“I’m… not going home with Adam,” you said, hesitant to say anything. You figured you didn’t have to tell him anything beyond what he needed to know. “I’m… sort of thinking of ending it with Adam. It’s just… not working out.”

That seemed to surprise him. You supposed it would seem surprising to learn that the seemingly perfect couple was breaking up. “You know, you’re going to completely shattered the pool on when you and Adam are going to get engaged.” The remark was teasing as evidenced by his grin yet it still caused you to flinch. The smile slide off his face. “Is… is something wrong?”

You hesitated yet again. You didn’t want to spill your guts to anyone but at the same time… you didn’t have anyone else to talk to. “I haven’t talked to Amy in three years,” was the first thing you managed to say. “Three years ago, Amy begged me to leave Adam and instead of leaving Adam, I stopped talking to her because Adam… told me to. I mean, it seemed reasonable at the time. And I just… slowly started losing my entire friend group. I don’t think I have any friends outside of work and it’s all because I put my entire faith in Adam.”

He didn’t seem to know what to say to that. He made a gesture like he was going to hug you before pulling back. “Sorry,” he said. “So what are you going to do? Go to a hotel?”

“I… I can’t,” you said. “He… has control over the bank account. He’s probably cancelled my debit card by now.”

“I can pay for a hotel room for you, if you’d like?”

The offer was sweet and it wrenched in your gut. “I don’t want to put you out,” you said, not wanting to cry in front of Lin. “I’ll figure something out. I just… I don’t want anyone spending money on me because I was a terrible judge of character. And then too stupid to figure out that… something was obviously wrong.”

Lin went quiet before he said, “You aren’t stupid… or a terrible judge of character.”

“I let a guy abuse me for five years,” you said, your voice breaking. You hated crying, but you especially hated crying in front of other people. “I always thought I was better than that and now I’m the stupid idiot who let a guy hit her. And apologized to him for getting hit. I might as well have been telling people I walked into a door!”

He was alarmed and you instantly felt guilty for dumping it all on him. “It’s not your fault,” he said, the words of comfort easy and rational. In any normal situation, had this been happening to anyone else, you would have agreed with him. “You aren’t an idiot, either. You just… you wanted it to work out. It’s not your fault that it didn’t work out – it’s his. It’s one hundred percent his fault.” He made another motion before stepping back awkwardly. “Do you… mind if I hug you?”

It was so respectful that it just made you cry harder. “No,” you managed to get out and his arms wrapped around you almost instantly. You curled to him instinctively. “I’m sorry… it’s just… I apologized to him. Every time. He hit me… and I apologized to him for making him angry.”

“It’s okay,” Lin said as he rubbed your back. “What can I do to help if you won’t let me rent you a hotel room?”

“Just… hold me.”

When you left, it was like you grew wings. You could still remember crying on the dressing room floor, but now it felt like a scene in a movie that happened to someone else. Three months after you had left Adam, you went on your first date with Lin. And the difference was astounding. You found out what it was like to truly feel respected. A month after the first date, Lin encouraged you to reconnect with the friends you had lost while dating Adam.

Some didn’t forgive. Those that did forgive you understood what had happened. Amy was thrilled to find out you left Adam and was more than willing to return to your side. You made sure to meet up with Amy weekly for drinks. You gossiped with Amy about how things where going with Lin, you went out more often, and you found yourself faking far less smiles.

Sometimes people only see what’s on the surface. You were grateful for those who could see beyond the surface.

[atmilliways]

1!

“Toki trying to convince Nathan to do something lame.” It’s lame in the sense that I couldn’t come up with anything particularly lame. I sort of had an idea when I started, but it took a weird hop a little while in and ended unexpectedly. I’m not sure if I want to continue it or rework it to fit into the chaptered fic I’m still toiling away at. 

(mtl prompts list)

—

It started off totally wholesome and innocent. 

Okay, no it didn’t. It started out with Toki walking in on Nathan fucking the manager over his desk, and the little shit ran screaming from the room like he’d just seen his parents doing it and needed to wash the dirty scene from his eyeballs with boiling acid. 

Then the texts started. As a rule, Nathan didn’t bother to read any texts from the Scandinavian guitarists because they were always a horrible mishmash of misspelled words, typos, autocorrects, and non-English words — in other words, completely incomprehensible. Toki, being generally more talkative, was the worst about this. Nathan solved the problem of the Norwegian relentlessly blowing up his phone  first by ignoring it, then eventually by leaving it in his jeans pocket to get taken out with the wash. He was issued a new one, with a new number, the next day. 

Since avoidance seemed to be working pretty well, Nathan continued the trend until it snowballed into the entire band just sort of forgetting to include Toki in things. That worked pretty well for a while too, until the whole Special Persons Invites Club mess. By then Toki seemed to have given up on trying to talk to him about what he’d seen, but Nathan was still vaguely on alert for the idiot to blurt it out right there in front of Pickles and Skwisgaar during a club meeting. Why else would he exclude Murderface, the band member most likely to shit his pants at the news and have a screeching gay crisis that could go on for weeks?

Well, aside from the fact that it was Murderface, that guy was pretty rank. But yeah, so totally incapable of coming out of the closet himself that he’d just ruin it for as many other people as possible. 

When nothing happened, Nathan just sort of figured Toki had forgotten about it. And then he’d started having those weird dreams about whales, and that thing with the liquid master had happened, and Pickles was so mad at him and pissing him off so much it was starting to border on cold war feud territory… and he kinda forgot too. 

Fast forward about a year and Nathan was still reeling from all the shit that had gone down. They all were, really. Everything from Roy’s death to Charles’ sudden resignation to Toki and Abigail’s rescue, it was too much to take in and make sense of. Had they become better people or something? Were they expected to save the world now, all by their dumbass selves? 

It was Nathan’s turn to sit in the box-like hospital room with Toki and keep an eye on him, make sure he didn’t wake up from his frequent drugged naps and go totally postal on the doctors and nurses or whatever, so he was crammed into the unfairly narrow visitor’s chair and trying to think. Not just about all the weird shit that had gone down, either… Ever since that, hrm hrm HRMMM, thing with Abigail on the Dethsub, Charles hadn’t been anything more than politely civil towards him. It had fucked up the whole boss-and-employee-with-benefits thing all to hell, and Nathan couldn’t help wondering guiltily if that was part of why the guy had left. They’d heard through the grapevine that Charles had taken over for that old priest who’d died, but none of Nathan’s calls or texts to the man seemed to go through anymore. 

“Nathans?” croaked a raspy voice. The frontman looked up to meet Toki’s bleary gaze. “Are you here’s to helps me goes to the b-a-s-t-h-r-o-h-m-n-s-e?” 

“Uhhhh…” It took his fumbling brain a moment to figure that one out, but when he got it, he grimaced. “No. They gave you a catheter after you pissed on Skwisgaar and he fell and broke his ass for a couple days. Just… go ahead and pee where you are.”

“Oh.” Toki giggled, either about the Skwisgaar thing or at the privilege of peeing without wetting the bed. “Okays.”

There was a deeply uncomfortable silence, during which Nathan pretended he didn’t know exactly what his band mate was doing over there. 

“Nathans?” Toki asked again. 

Fully expecting to be asked for ice water and a crazy straw, Nathan sighed and levered himself out of the uncomfortable chair. They all took Toki duty every few days, partly to protect the hospital staff but partly to reassure themselves that the kid — even though Nathan was technically younger, it was hard not to think of Toki as the baby of their fucked up little family — really was alive and well. Or at least, healing. Not dead, anyway, and definitely no longer a missing-in-action Schrödinger’s guitarist. After all that time they’d spent dicking around when they could’ve just fucking manned up and helped with the search, getting him water or his deddybear seemed fair enough penance. It beat having to say sorry, anyway. 

“Yeah, what?”

“You remembers… that time what’s I saw you and Charleses doings it up the butts?” 

Nathan froze, all the blood slamming out of his face in shock. “Uhhhhhhhhhh…” 

“Is he mads at you ‘cause of Abigails?” Toki continued weakly but earnestly. “I talks to her yesterdays and she saids maybe that ams what happens why he goes to that church place.” 

The creepy thing about that was, Abigail had opted to be moved to another hospital so she could be closer to her family. Several weeks ago. 

“So maybes whats you should does is… apoljisecks to hims in person, likes you did with Pickle.” 

“Toki, that’s…” Nathan scowled, trying to find the right words to convey how he felt about that suggestion. “Apologizing is really fucking lame and not metal. And you know how I feel about that.” 

Toki just looked at him with a grimace that said, Reallies? Okays, we does it this ways then. He groped around for the bed controls and hit the button that elevated his pillows slightly, so he was practically sitting up. 

“Nathans,” he slurred, “I talks to all the guys, and they says you should does it. Espescially Pickle, he said he was ams very moved whens you did it to hims. And Skwisgaar says you ams really bumming everyones out because you needs to get laid. Even Morderface agrees you beens in a real weirds mood since the submarines… I think that says a lots.” 

“What… does that say?” Nathan asked with menacing slowness, his scowl deepening stubbornly, but on the inside he was totally freaking out. Toki had talked to the guys about this? All of them? 

And those assholes actually backed him up on this apologizing thing? 

Toki gave him a wavery smile. “That you misses and cares about hims.” 

“I don’t— God, you’re making it sound gayer than it actually is.”

“Whats am gayer than sex in the butts with two guys?” Toki asked, puzzled.

There wasn’t really any good answer for that, so Nathan just stomped over to the window and glared out through it at nothing, his arms crossed sullenly over his chest. Yeah, he was pissed at Toki, but dammit if the kid hadn’t hit a nerve about his conflicted feelings over their former manager.

He thought about the long string of texts on his phone — all sent to Charles, with no reply for months. At some point the stupid knock knock jokes and links to cat memes had given way to things like Did you get my text and Just fucking talk to me you dick.

He thought about how he really had been in a piss-poor mood ever since being stuck on that sub for three months, and how it no longer felt quite adequate to simply blame his own actions on Charles holding out on him so they could all focus on the new album. After all, it was the album that was somehow supposed to save the fucking world, right? And sure, Charles could’ve explained that at the time, but Nathan had to admit it wouldn’t have had the same convincing affect as a giant flying dude coming out of nowhere and murdering the head of their record label with scary-ass mind powers. 

He thought about fooling around with Charles, getting the guy to loosen up a little for a change, and how afterwards Charles would be all relaxed and pliant and actually laugh at shit like a normal person… 

“Nathans?” 

“WHAT?” 

“Can I haves a cups of ice waters whats got a real cool straw?” Toki asked petulantly. His pout at being snapped at was practically audible. 

When Nathan stomped out of the room to get the requested drink, he stopped a passing doctor by grabbing onto one lab-coated arm and swinging her around. 

“Hey,” he demanded gruffly, jabbing a thumb back over his shoulder towards Toki’s room, “is that dildo okay to be moved?” 

The doctor blinked. “Um, yes, Mr. Explosion. He still needs to be on medication, but he’s healing up more quickly than expected.” 

“Good,” Nathan growled, “because were going on a trip. Get him ready to go by… uh, just as soon as possible. Got it?” He’d been about to say tomorrow, but now that he’d decided on his next course of action he wanted to get it over with as soon as possible. Releasing the bewildered physician, he rounded on the klokateers standing guard outside Toki’s door. “You guys, you call… someone, and make sure the submarine is ready to go. And tell all the guys, too.” 

He straightened up to his full imposing height — not that anyone around him needed to be more intimidated, it just felt cool and important to do every once in a while. Without realizing it, his growl was starting to take on some of the ominous rumble of prophecy. 

“We’re going back into the ocean.”

[kimvtae]

Burnouts, Booze, and Babes

Summary: Taehyung and Jeongguk are just two small town best friends, getting drunk too often and making big plans they’ll probably never achieve. Taehyung takes it upon himself to teach Jeongguk all of the proper ways to have sex, and Jeongguk swears he’s just hanging around because Taehyung’s good in bed. Who would have thought these small town losers, who used to smoke behind the school, would become jewelers at the biggest department store in Seoul. [Pre Givenchy & Gold] Pairing: Jeongguk x Taehyung Word Count: 32.850 Rating: M Warnings: too much sex, too many kinks, mentions of drug use, Taehyung calling Jeongguk so many nasty things, two bros chilling 5ft apart in a hot tub ("swear I’m not gay”), switching, uhhhh daddy kink A/N: @blueagust and I have basically spent the last couple weeks screaming at each other about Taehyung and Jeongguk’s history from her story Givenchy&Gold, and with the little restraint I have, this happened. Lou, this is an absolute mess and I probably destroyed your entire fic timeline, but happy early Kwanza or some shit (which is totally an excuse Tae gives when he’s buying Jeon another pair of earrings.) This is not good enough for you but I hope you like it anyway!!

Taehyung shows up with a crash and a bang. Jeongguk knows it's him. He knows because there's only one person outside of his family that has a key to the house and Jeongguk's regretted handing over a copy since the fifth grade when Taehyung came barreling into his life with poorly bleached hair and a missing tooth.

Now, months before Taehyung's high school graduation, Jeongguk is sitting upside down on the couch with a half-eaten box of Pocky while far too immersed in an episode of Cake Boss.

"Jeon." Taehyung comes stumbling down into the basement, brushing the snow out of his hair. Jeongguk didn't even know it had been snowing. Fuck, when was the last time he left the house? "Dude, weren't you sitting there yesterday?"

Jeongguk shoves three Pocky sticks between his teeth. "Point?"

"Whatever." Taehyung sits on the back of the couch, knocks his knees against Jeongguk's to send him sprawling off the couch. He ignores the insults Jeongguk spits his way and waves a small bundle of cash near Jeongguk's face. "New bar downtown doesn't card and I need a few drinks tonight. Physics ate my ass today."

"Glad one of us is getting some." Jeongguk snatches the remote from Taehyung's hands, knows he's just gonna switch the channel to football or some other hetero shit just to ask if Jeongguk would rather be watching grown men smack asses rather than bake cakes. No, he wouldn't, thank you very much. Last week they built an Iron Man cake. "Who'd you fuck to get the cash?"

"Your mom."

"I'm going to kick your ass-"

"Yeah, yeah, save it for after we get the burgers."

Taehyung's car is shit but it gets the job done. He insists that Jeongguk showers before they leave, says he can't have anyone in his car who smells like four day old cum when his car always smells like sex even when Taehyung is single as hell, but Jeongguk does shower. Mostly it’s because his hair was greasy and he doesn’t feel like dealing with that. Taehyung's car is small with barely enough room in the back seat to comfortably pass out in after Taehyung gives him one too many beers, but it gets them to the burger shop downtown.

It's packed this Friday afternoon, high school kids standing around and couples sharing milkshakes. Jeongguk tries to angle himself between Taehyung and those couples; he's way too sober to entertain Taehyung's milkshake innuendos today.

"What do you want?" Taehyung asks, stands behind Jeongguk in line and rests his chin on Jeongguk's shoulder. "I'm buying."

"Jesus, did you suck rich dick for that cash?"

"Fucker. I've got a job, you know."

"Sucking dick is a job now?"

"You can starve." Taehyung pauses and shoves his hands into the pockets of Jeongguk's letterman. Jeongguk's mom had offered to buy one for Taehyung just for kicks, but Taehyung said he didn't want one when he had Jeongguk's to share. "Speaking of dry spells, how'd you do with that girl last weekend? Use what I taught you?"

Jeongguk has fucking war flashbacks to two weeks ago, when Taehyung had stayed over for the entire weekend and decided, that as the older friend, it was his responsibility to teach Jeongguk about the ins and outs of pleasuring girls. The proper way, Taehyung insisted, as if Jeongguk's still a fucking virgin and hadn't called Taehyung almost immediately after he bumbled his way through his first time. He's been with girls, sure, but Taehyung declared it wasn't good enough, and had sat on Jeongguk's back and proceeded to describe, in horrifying detail, the best way to prep a girl for sex. He'd tried to hide, covering his face and ears with a pillow, but Taehyung was wickedly determined when he wanted to be, and in that moment, he really wanted to be.

"No, you ass. Because I know how to have sex."

"Aw, do you? Really?" Taehyung presses himself closer to Jeongguk's back as the line moves forward. "Baby Gukie's finally grown up?"

"Don't call me that."

"Oh, but there is something I forgot to mention," Taehyung says, his grin wet against Jeongguk's neck. His voice takes on that tone, that smarmy voice that Jeongguk associates with that morning he woke up naked behind the kindergarten. "Something that really gets girls going."

Jeongguk sighs. "You're gonna tell me anyway."

"Right you are. You gotta do this, man, get close to them with your lips almost touching their cheek." Taehyung demonstrates as he speaks, lips hovering dangerously close to Jeongguk's ear. "Then you just-" He nips gently at Jeongguk's ear, biting at the piercing near the top of the lobe and Jeongguk falters, sagging back into Taehyung's hold with a confused little noise of pleasure. "And the chicks will love you, dude."

"Don't- don't fucking do that, Tae." Jeongguk mutters, taking a few seconds to catch his breath. He feels his cheeks burn, eyes closed against the satisfied grin that Taehyung presses to the back of Jeongguk's neck.

"Sorry." He's not sorry. "We're up, what do you want?"

"Fuck-" Jeongguk hadn't even read the damn menu with Taehyung biting at his ear and the way his head spins afterwards. What the actual fuck.

"Dumbass. We'll have three number eight combos, please."

Jeongguk glares at Taehyung over his burger, still reeling a little from having his fucking ear bitten in the middle of the burger shop- and liking it, apparently. Taehyung doesn't seem to notice, bowling through two burgers and half of Jeongguk's fries before remembering the pact he made in middle school to always give Jeongguk half of his food, which results in Taehyung trying to feed Jeongguk his bitten french fries.

"Still up for the bar tonight, Jeon?"

"I need someone better than you in my life, so sure."

"Joke's on you, babe. I'm the best you're ever gonna get."

Taehyung ditches his own birthday party. It's like a ritual by now, after all the years Taehyung's walked out of his parties to sit on the roof with Jeongguk. They start at the party, sometimes swiping a few cans of beers if Taehyung's dad isn't in the room, but after a few hours they always end up on the roof.

This time, Taehyung has enough foresight to bring a blanket. Says they can share like, "a fucking couples goals on Instagram, Jeon."

"Fuck off, Kim. And give me my half, it's cold out."

The moon is full tonight, shining bright over the water tower. The water tower Taehyung fell off of three years ago trying to vandalize it like the damn hoodlum he was. Taehyung looks back on the night fondly.

"Hey, wanna drink? Managed to swipe one beer."

Jeongguk shakes his head, scooting a little closer to Taehyung to share body heat. "I'm good tonight."

"Feeling okay?"

"Went too hard fucking your mom last night."

"Good one." Taehyung takes a long swig of beer and reclines so he's laying on the roof, forcing Jeongguk to follow suit less he lose his part of the blanket. He props his arm behind his head, grumbling a little when Jeongguk jostles his arm enough to rest his own head on. "The moon is so fucking- pretty, dude."

Jeongguk snorts. "You drunk, man?"

"Tipsy. Not tipsy enough to want your mom, though."

"Thank God for that."

Taehyung tries to crush the beer can in his hand, but he's not strong enough, so Jeongguk takes the can and crushes it himself, ignoring the way Taehyung mutters something about his dumbass muscle pic headass of a best friend. The roof is cold but Taehyung's arm is warm beneath Jeongguk's head, and he could fall asleep like that. But he can feel Taehyung's lips near his cheek, near his ear, and he's too aware to try and sleep.

"Question."

"I don't like the sound of that."

"I didn't even say anything!" Taehyung chucks the can off the roof to join the ever-growing pile behind the house. Taehyung's dad keeps telling him to clean them up, he swears he will, and then Saturday morning comes along and there's ten more cans from the drinking game they come up with. "Real question. Do you think your dad is a top or a bottom?"

Jeongguk chokes on his breath, sitting up to aim a punch at Taehyung's stomach. Taehyung laughs through his groan of pain, curling in on himself. "That is disgusting, why would you ask me that? And definitely a top."

"Really? I get the feeling my dad's a bottom."

"Can we- can we not talk about this? Stick to talking about your mom? 'Cause now I'm imagining your dad with fingers up his ass. And I'm staying over tonight."

"It's not that bad."

"What?"

"Fingers in your ass."

Jeongguk is silent, staring at the swing in the backyard and contemplating if he'd survive throwing himself off of this roof. This is not the conversation he wants. He can handle Taehyung giving him unwanted advice on how to properly sleep with girls, or Taehyung coming up with jokes about his mom that would send anyone running, or even Taehyung getting a little too drunk at the bar and trying to convince Jeongguk to kiss him, but now Jeongguk's thinking about fingers up asses and up his dad's ass in particular and he's not drunk or gay enough to keep that line of thought.

"You'd know, right?" Jeongguk says, voice a little tight.

"Yeah. Could show you, if you want."

Jeongguk props his weight on his elbow, leans over Taehyung's body to shove his face into Taehyung's chest. "You know what I really want, hyung?"

Taehyung's voice goes a little breathy. "What?"

"Some of your mom's brownies. Think she'll make me some if I eat her out?"

"Get the fuck off my roof, Jeon-"

But Jeongguk's faster, swinging himself over Taehyung's body to get to the ladder tucked at the side of the house and skipping down the rungs as Taehyung chases him, a little wobbly from his few beers and laughing too loudly for the hour, but it's drowned out by how loud Jeongguk's laughing himself.

Jeongguk's drunk. He's drunk and it's cold out and he hadn't been planning on getting drunk, hence why he's sitting behind the bleachers with a few girls from his math class. He'd finished in the gym a few hours ago but Taehyung was still busy, out doing stupid senior shit like taking his school pictures or sucking dick to pass a class, and Jeongguk's too drunk to properly read the text that says, making up a test I missed bc of your needy ass u dumbass.

"Jeongguk?" One of the girls slides smoothly onto Jeongguk's lap, linking her fingers together behind his neck. She's pretty, lithe and small in Jeongguk's lap, and he thinks he can remember her mentioning that she's a gymnast. She runs her fingers through Jeongguk's hair, and it's nice, he thinks, as he passes his bottle of beer to the girl next to him. "Your hair is so nice, have you ever thought of dyeing it?"

Jeongguk hums, tilts his head back so the girl- he believes her name is Seolhyun- can leave soft kisses at the base of his throat. "What color should I do?"

"Purple. You'd look really sexy with purple hair."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Jeongguk squeezes her thigh, can feel another girl's hand on his knee as Seolhyun moves her kisses to the corner of his mouth. It's way too fucking cold to be entertaining sex behind the bleachers tonight, but Jeongguk's bored and Seolhyun's skin is soft, so who knows? He's thinking now, letting his mind wander to the most recent of Taehyung's advice, wonders if he should be biting her ear right now or if it would be weird if he asked her to do it to him-

"Guk, you ready to go?" Taehyung's voice breaks through the haze of beer and kisses and Jeongguk breaks away from a kiss to look over his shoulder, at Taehyung leaning against a bleacher with his arms crossed and that stupid look in his eye he gets whenever he's extra proud of Jeongguk. "Aw, am I interrupting something, kiddos? About to get down and dirty behind the bleachers? Been there, done that, and believe me it is not worth the dirt in the unmentionables."

"Tae," Jeongguk lets his head loll against the bleachers, smiling up at his friend. "Taehyung. Taehyung hyung. Dudebro. Done sucking dick for grades?"

"You shithead, I'm going to leave you here."

"No, no- please-" Jeongguk reaches around Seolhyun's body to reach for Taehyung. His stomach is spinning and he wants a burrito. Specifically, he wants Taehyung to feed him a burrito. "Hyung, it's cold."

Taehyung helps Seolhyun off his lap and guides Jeongguk's arm over his shoulders. "Idiot. How'd you even get beer, anyway? We always use my fake."

"Seolhyun brought it. Hyung, the beer tasted like piss." Jeongguk's slurring, his cheek nestled comfortably against Taehyung's shoulder and he likes it. He likes that Taehyung is warm and solid beneath his body, but he'd like it a little more if Taehyung were feeding him some goddam food.

Taehyung snorts. "Don't insult the drinks until you've left, Jeon. Thought I taught you that already."

Taehyung leads them away from the bleachers toward the parking lot, the sun hanging low in the sky behind them. Jeongguk hates winter. He likes Taehyung's birthday because his mom will sometimes buy Jeongguk a gift, too, but he still hates winter. He tells this to Taehyung, tripping on his own feet in the lot.

"You ass," Taehyung reaches into Jeongguk's jacket's pocket for his keys. When the fuck did he put them in there. "You only like me for the things my parents give you."

"Your mom gave me her virginity."

"Doesn't even make any sense-"

Taehyung helps Jeongguk into the car with a hand on the top of his head, fights with Jeongguk when he tries to crawl right back out of the car. It takes a good few minutes to get Jeongguk's seatbelt buckled before he's crossing to the other side of the car. "Night's still young, Jeon. Whaddaya want to do?"

"Burritos?"

"Only if you take shots."

"But hyuuuuuuung."

Jeongguk swats weakly at Taehyung's arm as he drives to one of the bars in town that doesn't know them very well. Taehyung got him a fake made early last year, but they always order with Taehyung's since, in Jeongguk's words, he looks like an old fuck anyway.

They don't stop for burritos but they do stop for McDonald's, Taehyung threatening to throw Jeongguk out of the car if he doesn't stop throwing fries at Taehyung's face while he drives. And the bar is pretty busy tonight, Taehyung taking a few minutes to find them an empty spot right at the end of the bar. Jeongguk's head isn't spinning anymore, and he eagerly downs the first round of shots that Taehyung orders.

"It was my night to drink, by the way," Taehyung says, sipping on his only drink. He ordered Jeongguk a Sex On The Beach because he's a goddam riot, apparently. "Which means you're driving the next two Fridays."

"I can't drive."

"Yes you can, idiot."

Jeongguk gets loose-lipped as hell when he drinks, something that he absolutely despises but amuses the hell out of Taehyung. One too many times Jeongguk has woken up in Taehyung's bathroom or in the back of his car to Taehyung giggling at the videos he recorded the night before. Taehyung's personal favorite? The one where Jeongguk tries to pick up his first year literature teacher by offering to eat her ass. They can't go back to that bar, but Taehyung says it was absolutely worth it.

Tonight, Jeongguk's head is clearing from the beers but now he's got vodka and rum settling in his stomach and he's leaning across the bar top to get the bartender's attention- or anyone's attention, really. Except for Taehyung's. He hasn't gotten laid in a while and the last thing he needs is Taehyung being a cockblock. Jeongguk likes attention a lot, especially when it leads to getting his dick sucked.

"Bartender- dude, my pal," Jeongguk's slurring, trying very hard to hold his weight up. He can't even tell if he's got the bartender's attention, but Jeongguk's pretty and he's young- he's got to have everyone's attention by now. "You- you've got some nice fingers, man. Can I put them in my mouth, like? Can I suck on them-?"

"And, you're done for the night, Guk." Taehyung curls his fingers into the back of Jeongguk's jacket, brushing against his sweaty nape and making Jeongguk shiver. Damn. Taehyung has nice fingers, too. "Time to take you back to your mom."

Jeongguk trips getting out of his seat, and it's so fucking hilarious to him that they don't even get out of the building for another ten minutes, within that time the full depth of Taehyung's threat hits him. "Don't- don't fucking take me home, you prick. Mom'll, my mom will kill me if I come home like this. And then you, since you got me like this." Jeongguk's slurring bad as shit, but at least it seems like Taehyung can understand him.

"Relax, you big baby. We're going back to my place. My parents are out of town for the weekend, so we can nurse your dumb ass self back to health."

"Hyung?" Jeongguk is quiet until he gets into the car. He wonders if he's going to puke. Taehyung makes a sound of acknowledgement as he starts up the engine. "Hyung, can we watch Cupcake Wars?"

"Fuck yeah, we can. Want anything to eat?"

"No, fuck off. M'gonna be sick."

"Not in my car, you dickhole. Puke and you're cleaning it with your toothbrush."

"Shut up, your voice is making everything worse."

Jeongguk's a goddam mess to get into Taehyung's house, giggling at every word he slurs and every sound he hears. He hides his face in Taehyung's neck, might bite at Taehyung's collarbones a few times just because Taehyung flicks him for it every time. Getting up the steps to Taehyung's bedroom is a miracle, taking a quick pitstop to the bathroom so Jeongguk can vomit. He feels better after this, asks Taehyung if they can go pick up girls at a club, and Taehyung promises that they can do that in the morning.

"You sleeping naked tonight?" Taehyung asks, all but shoving Jeongguk onto his bed. "Or do you want pants, because I swear Guk next time you wake up hard I will touch your dick."

"That a promise?" Still, Jeongguk yanks on the sweatpants that Taehyung offers, whining high in his throat until Taehyung remembers to turn on the TV. Fuck, now Jeongguk wants cupcakes. "Hyung, can I suck your dick?"

"When your mouth doesn't taste like vomit and Crest, sure."

"Really?"

"Yeah, why not?"

Jeongguk makes an unhappy noise when Taehyung settles himself on the other side of the bed, scooting along under the covers until he can fit his chest against Taehyung's back and wrap his arms tight around Taehyung's frame with a content little sigh. "G'night, hyung."

Taehyung tugs the blankets over their bodies. "Why the hell do you always get to be big spoon? You can't even see the stupid cupcakes."

"I'm big spoon because I'm always big spoon."

"Why, because you've got more muscles than me? You and your dumb heteronormative bullshit-"

"Because your room's a damn icebox."

Taehyung yanks his pillow closer, dislodging Jeongguk's face. Jeongguk doesn't care, his nose smushed into the mattress. "Told you the heat was broken in here, but you never listen."

It's quiet for a few minutes, in which Jeongguk almost falls asleep but there's something nagging at the corner of his mind, a question and a request that his sober mind runs from everyday. Stupid Taehyung and his stupid face and his stupid affinity for getting Jeongguk into trouble with his own stupid emotions.

"Hyung?"

"Go to sleep, Gukie."

"Hyung, can you- can you maybe, bite. My ear. Again?"

Taehyung tenses in his hold, but Jeongguk can hear the smile in his voice when he speaks again. "You liked that? Damn, caught myself a kinky one. I'll remember this."

"Fuck off."

"Can't reach your ear at this angle, babe. Could if you let me be big spoon-"

"No, fuck off. I'm warm."

He doesn't say anything, laughing quietly and snuggling even deeper into Jeongguk's embrace. Taehyung goes so far as to link his fingers with Jeongguk's against his stomach, and Jeongguk passes out before he can see who wins Cupcake Wars.

"Hey, dude. Answer a question for me." Taehyung sits himself on Jeongguk's bed with a yearbook in his lap, opened to a page from his year. He points to one of the boys, a very serious wrinkle to his forehead. "Would you suck this guy's dick?"

Jeongguk gives him a wounded look. "Hyung. Why."

"Because I sucked his dick and I'm trying to decide if it was a mistake."

"Uh." Jeongguk really looks at the guy. Nice face, strong jaw, good hair. "Yeah, I guess? Why'd you suck him off if you weren't sure?"

"He offered to buy me weed."

"Isn't that prostitution? And you don't even smoke, hyung."

Taehyung grins, salacious. "I don't, but the middle school kids across town don't know the proper prices of drugs yet."

"Brutal."

"Mhm."

Taehyung flips through the pages of the yearbook, snorting at every picture of Jeongguk- which are all just of him trying to avoid the camera. There's a shot of his ass from when Taehyung got him drunk before a soccer game and convinced him to moon the field, but other than that the only full picture of Jeongguk is his official class one, with his hair done up all nice at his mom's insistence.

Taehyung said he looked like a mama's boy. Jeongguk had punched him so hard the bruise stayed on his stomach for an entire day.

Jeongguk's working on his pre-calculus homework, scowling at all of the letters that have replaced numbers. You never truly appreciate numbers until there aren't any in math.

Except now he can't focus. He can't focus because he's thinking about what Taehyung said, about just sucking some guy's dick just because, not thinking it through beforehand. Jeongguk's been with girls without a second thought, but staring at the veins on the back of Taehyung's palm, he's starting to wonder just how different it is with boys.

"Hyung?"

"Yeah?"

"What's it like to be fucked?"

Taehyung chokes on his drink, stares at Jeongguk with wide eyes. Jeongguk breaks eye contact first, looking away with flushed cheeks and furiously finishing a math problem. He gets it wrong. God dammit.

"You really wanna know?" Taehyung asks, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. "Like- what makes you think I've even-"

"You texted me after, hyung. Your exact words were, 'guess which bad bitch just got dicked down that's right this dude.'"

"Got me there." Taehyung leans back, resting his weight on his propped elbows. "Well, it's different. From fucking someone, obviously. Like, gives you a good perspective on how to fuck, y'know? You realize what feels good and wonder why a girl ever let you inside of her."

Jeongguk giggles. "Really, hyung?"

"Not kidding, Jeon. There's- there's a lot you wouldn't understand without feeling it yourself, you know?" Taehyung's staring at the ceiling, his cheeks a little red, and Jeongguk's wondering if he should have left this conversation for when they're both four beers in. "I could- I could show you, if you want?"

Jeongguk falters, glancing up from his homework. "You sure?"

"If it's what you want, Guk."

Taehyung carefully takes Jeongguk's books from him and then throws them on the floor, grinning wickedly at the glare Jeongguk sends his way. He sits cross-legged in front of Jeongguk, who mirrors the pose.

He feels squirmy and a little giddy and exponentially glad that his parents are out to dinner for a couple of hours. "Do we kiss?"

Taehyung shrugs. "We could kiss. We've kissed before."

"We were drunk."

"Doesn't change anything."

"Is it weird if we kiss?"

"It'll be weird no matter what, Jeon."

"Hm." Jeongguk shrugs off his hoodie, just for something to do. He's heard it's supposed to hurt, and now that the offer's sitting on the table he just wants to get this over with, wants to see if there's anything to this or not. "You can kiss me."

Taehyung snorts. "Thanks for the permission. Now take your pants off."

Jeongguk does, watches from the corner of his eye as Taehyung strips as well. It's weird, he decides, falling onto his back so Taehyung can hover over him. It's weird, but then Taehyung's leaning down to drag his lips across Jeongguk's throat and Jeongguk's forgetting to feel weird. He doesn't know what to do with his hands, settles for placing them on Taehyung's hips as Taehyung bites down softly on Jeongguk's ear, his hips kicking up.

"Hyung-"

"Damn, you really do like that. Bet I can get you to come just from that someday."

"God- shut up."

Taehyung kisses him, then, pressing his lips gently against Jeongguk's and then with a little more purpose. One of his hands leaves the bed to grip Jeongguk's waist, feeling small beneath Taehyung's wide palm, and then strokes down to Jeongguk's thighs, spread to accommodate Taehyung's body.

"You done anything before?" Taehyung asks, breaking the kiss to look at Jeongguk. "Like, fingers or anything?"

"Y-yeah."

"S'cute."

"Fuck off."

"What? I said it's cute." Taehyung leans over his body to rifle through the bedside table and grab the lube and some condoms, grinning at the way Jeongguk flushes. "You're so predictable."

Jeongguk doesn't say anything, holding his weight up as Taehyung kisses down his body, sucking a violent hickey into the skin of his thigh and Jeongguk's fucking embarrassed to say he's already getting hard just from anticipation and from having Taehyung's mouth so fucking close to his dick.

Then, Taehyung licks up the underside of Jeongguk's cock and Jeongguk bites his fist to hold back the desperate little moan that threatens to spill from his lips. It's not his fault, really it isn't, but Taehyung's so fucking good with his mouth, taking Jeongguk's cock between his lips with little effort like he was made for sucking dick. If his head weren't spinning something fierce Jeongguk would make a comment about finding Taehyung's calling in life, but as it is Taehyung's trying to suck his soul out of his dick and Jeongguk can't do anything but hang on for the ride.

Taehyung keeps going until Jeongguk's dick is painfully hard and leaking red at the tip and he's muttering about being close, keeps a hand on Jeongguk's dick when he pulls off.

"I'm not gonna lie, Guk. This might feel kinda weird, so I won't be offended if you go soft on me." Taehyung says, stroking his fingers along Jeongguk's length. "Just try to relax for me."

Jeongguk tries, but his entire body tenses at the first press of Taehyung's slick finger to his hole. Taehyung hushes his confused whimper with a kiss to his hip, pushing his finger into Jeongguk's ass with care. He waits until Jeongguk thinks he's good to add another, moving both fingers slowly so the stretch doesn't hurt Jeongguk.

"Damn," Taehyung says, watching his fingers scissor inside of Jeongguk. "You this quiet with all your partners?"

"Fuck- fuck off. M'not moaning for you."

"No?" Taehyung looks genuinely disappointed. "It's fine, you know. Submission. Really fucking hot, actually. I bet submission looks gorgeous on you."

Jeongguk snorts, flopping onto his back and letting his sweaty hair fall into his eyes. "Sure. Whatever. You can add another."

Taehyung does, taking this one much slower than the last two. "Would now be a good time to mention that it'd probably be easier if you were on your hands and knees?"

"You're such a piece of shit, Kim-"

"Yeah, yeah you rue the day you ever met me even though I'm about to blow your tiny mind. Heard it all before." Taehyung crooks his fingers, hitting a spot inside of Jeongguk that has his back bowing and his eyes screwing shut in pleasure. "Prostate. Good to play with, super fun to cum by. Kinda similar to the g-spot in girls, play with 'em, Jeon. Makes your partners super happy. Moan for me, dumbass."

"Can you just-" Taehyung presses his fingers back into his prostate and Jeongguk shivers, mind going blank for a hot minute. "Get on with it. Hyung. Tae."

"God, so impatient." But he listens, dragging his fingers out and making Jeongguk squirm at the odd emptiness as he wipes his fingers on Jeongguk's sheets. Taehyung reaches for a condom, rolling it over his length with practiced ease. He strokes lube onto his cock, watching Jeongguk carefully. "Probably feel better if you're on your knees, if I'm being honest. But then you won't get to see my beautiful face."

Jeongguk snorts, rolling onto his front without a word. "Don't wanna see you anyway, Kim. That's fucking gay."

"Real fucking gay."

Taehyung lines himself at Jeongguk's back, squeezing reassuringly at his hip. "I won't be offended if you don't come, but believe me when I say I'll haunt your stupid ass if you don't moan for me."

Arousal and anticipation sit heavily in Jeongguk's stomach, the lube cooling uncomfortably on his inner thighs as he rests his weight on his forearms. "Whatever, hyung. Just- go."

Taehyung pushes in too slowly, Jeongguk's back arching in an odd mix of pain and pleasure as he's filled for the first time. It's entirely different from his fingers, and yeah, he'll admit that Taehyung was right. It's so, completely different from fucking someone and Jeongguk almost feels like he's being sliced in half as Taehyung finally fucking bottoms out- there's no fucking way Taehyung is this big. Jeongguk's seen him naked and it was nothing like this. Granted, it was years ago and Jeongguk ran out of the bathroom with his hands over his eyes, but still.

"Sh-shit," Taehyung hisses, rests his forehead against Jeongguk's spine. "You're so fucking tight, Jeon, holy fuck."

Jeongguk shifts, unsure whether the discomfort has bled into pleasure yet, but he waits until his body gets used to the intrusion to say, "You can move, Tae."

Taehyung takes it slow, pulling out almost entirely before thrusting back into Jeongguk, and soon Jeongguk's meeting his thrusts, and Taehyung lets himself go just a little bit, his pace increasing and his breaths heavy against Jeongguk's ear.

"Fucking- moan, Jeon." Taehyung groans, not quite a moan of his own and Jeongguk shakes his head. He wants Taehyung to break first, to be the one to moan first, because Jeongguk doesn't fucking submit. At least not before his shithead of a best friend. "Come on, baby, doesn't it feel good?"

"Yeah," Jeongguk breathes, body shaking. "Feels real good, hyung."

Taehyung leans even closer, draping his body over Jeongguk’s to kiss along his neck, press a quick peck to Jeongguk's cheek before he bites at Jeongguk's ear, toying his piercings with his tongue and Jeongguk breaks, a loud, high pitched moan slipping from between his lips before he can think to stop it.

Taehyung pauses from behind him, and Jeongguk knows he's fucking blown it now. "Yeah?" Taehyung whispers, too deep and too good against Jeongguk's ear. "Sound so sexy, babe." The guy fucking does it again, tugging Jeongguk's ear between his lips to play with and Jeongguk can't hold back his desperate noises, crying out against the pillow with his entire body shaking. "M'not gonna last, Jeon."

"I-I'm really close, Tae," Jeongguk whines, throwing his abandon out the window. He doesn't fucking care right now; he just wants to come. "T-touch me?"

Taehyung does, jerking Jeongguk's cock with his fist until Jeongguk tenses and comes all over the sheets with a strangled groan of Taehyung's name. Taehyung's not far behind, thrusting a few more times into Jeongguk before he stills, buried deep within Jeongguk's ass and coming hard into the condom.

Jeongguk immediately slumps but Taehyung catches him before he can fall into the wet spot, laying him onto his back. He watches as Taehyung ties off the condom and tosses it in the trash, cringing when he thinks about explaining that to his parents if he forgers to take out the trash later. Then, Taehyung grabs a shirt from the floor to wipe the come off his hand and off Jeongguk's belly, humming a little as he goes.

"Sleepy?" Taehyung asks, tapping Jeongguk's hip to get him to move out of the way so he can turn down the sheets. "You'll probably be sore in the morning, but you did good."

Something in Jeongguk's belly lights up at that. "Thanks. You were right, though. Feels way different."

"Yeah, but you did really good bottoming. Most people bitch more, but not you. Should practice, though. I bet you'd look hot riding someone."

"Ugh."

Taehyung grabs one of Jeongguk's hoodies and tugs it on, slipping into bed behind Jeongguk. Jeongguk immediately goes to snuggle against Taehyung's back, but he's stopped with a hand on his shoulder and with Taehyung trying to wrap him in his arms. But Jeongguk's nothing if he's not stubborn, and he fights to be the bigger spoon, cursing and threatening to shove his foot up Taehyung's ass.

"Dude- fuck, quit trying to kick me! You're little spoon tonight, you fucker-"

"Why?" Jeongguk squirms back out of Taehyung's hold, thinking he's got the upper hand, and then Taehyung punches him in the stomach. "Because I bottomed? Who's a heteronormative piece of shit now-?"

"No, shut up-"

Taehyung finally wrestles Jeongguk back onto the bed, throws his leg over both of Jeongguk's and both arms around Jeongguk's body to hold him down. Jeongguk tries to throw him off for another minute before giving up, letting his entire body relax as that first wave of soreness hits him and he realizes, in that very second, that he's never felt more comfortable in bed before.

"What the fuck-" Jeongguk mumbles to himself, curving his body to better fit against Taehyung's chest. "This is fucking- wonderful. Why doesn't everyone be little spoon all of the time?"

Taehyung laughs quietly and loosens his hold a little to stroke his fingers along Jeongguk's arm. Then he goes right back to trying to strangle Jeongguk to death, nosing at the nape of his neck. "Even number of people. Someone's got to make the sacrifice."

"You're holding me like this every night."

"What the fuck- no. I want to be held sometimes."

"So find yourself a girl."

"You're insufferable." Taehyung leans close to nip at Jeongguk's ear and laughs at the way Jeongguk's body jerks in his hold. "I am so, so, happy that I know to do that. You've no idea how hot it is to have someone's pleasure depends entirely on you."

Jeongguk yawns, reaching onto the floor for the remote to turn on the TV. It's some old movie, but the noise is nice in the dim lights of his bedroom. That's all of the mobility Jeongguk gets before Taehyung's holding him tight again- for what reason Jeongguk doesn't know. He's not trying to get away anymore. "I'll use this knowledge wisely, hyung. Maybe on Seolhyun. She's been calling."

"Yeah? She tried to use teeth when she blew me, so be careful."

Jeongguk frowns. "Really? She didn't use any teeth when she blew me outside the school."

"Hm. Must've learned from her mistake with me."

"Because we all know sex with you is a mistake."

Taehyung grins his infuriating grin against Jeongguk's neck. "That's not what you were saying when you moaned my name."

"I fucking hate you-"

"I'm serious, though, Jeon. If you want to get better at this, you know where to find me."

"I appreciate that. Now shut the fuck up, I'm trying to sleep."

Jeongguk avoids Taehyung for an entire week after they fuck, ducking away from him in the hallways and pretending he isn't home even though Taehyung can see into his room from across the street. Only if he uses binoculars, though, which he uses sometimes because, "You look hot when you get naked how the fuck is that my problem?"

Jeongguk doesn't regret fucking Taehyung, even uses the new knowledge it gives him with a boy in his physical education class a few days later- a conquest he goes to tell Taehyung about before remembering he's being a fucking dumbass.

He doesn't regret fucking Taehyung, but he's hiding because he kind of wants to do it again. Taehyung's dick is fucking huge and knows how to use his body, and Jeongguk liked being taken care of that evening, liked that he was... good for Taehyung.

So he hides and avoids the situation, naturally.

That is, until Taehyung shows up at his door with special brownies and a case of beer, walking right passed Jeongguk and into the basement and declaring, "This is stupid. So I've had my dick in your ass. Doesn't change anything, Jeon. Now get down here and get high as a fucking kite with me."

With the warming of the weather comes an unpleasant reminder that Taehyung's graduating soon, and that for all of the shit Jeongguk talks, he really is dreading the day Taehyung gets his diploma and leaves this shitty town. So instead of dealing with his problems rationally, he sneaks a six-pack from the garage and climbs onto the old water tower. It's illegal. Jeongguk doesn't care.

His phone's been ringing for the last few hours, Taehyung texting him asking to meet up, asking why he's not in his house, threatening to jerk it in Jeongguk's bed if he doesn't answer. The usual.

But Jeongguk can't bring himself to answer. Because they haven't talked about what happens after high school, and Taehyung can be scarily serious when he wants to be, but he never really wants to be. And Jeongguk doesn't want to put a damper on their long weekend. So he'll get drunk alone and maybe call up someone to fuck if he gets lonely enough, and try his damnedest not to fall off the water tower.

"There you are, you dickhole."

Jeongguk doesn't lower the can he's drinking from, watching from the corner of his eye as Taehyung climbs to join him, sitting at his side in the fading light. He takes one of the beers without asking and pops the cap with practiced ease.

"How'd you find me?"

"You always talk about jumping from here when you're hammered." Taehyung rolls the can between his palms. "Not in like, the dying kind of way. But in the wishing you could fly kind of way."

"Oh."

"Plus we hang out here all the time, idiot. At least pick a better hiding spot next time." At Jeongguk's noncommittal grunt Taehyung frowns, facing him properly. "Why are you hiding, anyway?"

"Walked out after fucking your mom last night. Thought it would be awkward."

"Oh, thank God. I walked out on your mom last night."

"We need new jokes."

"No, we need new moms to fuck."

"Stay away from my mom, Kim."

Taehyung laughs, quietly, and knocks his shoulder against Jeongguk's. "What's got you down in the dumps, buttercup?" But Jeongguk doesn't answer. Because he doesn't like fucking with his feelings and he especially doesn't like fucking with them with Taehyung around, not when their latest fuck is still fresh in his mind. Taehyung taught him to eat ass, and Jeongguk's still fucking embarrassed as shit.

Not to mention the spanking thing that Jeongguk still adamantly refuses to talk about.

"Nothing."

"Liar."

"Tae-"

"Is it graduation?" Taehyung asks very softly.

Jeongguk curls his shoulders, wishing he could disappear within himself so he doesn't have to have this conversation. Taehyung stares at him, his expression fond and knowing and Jeongguk nods carefully. "I just- you're going to be leaving me and I haven't been without you since we were kids. I know it's stupid. It's only a couple of years and technology is amazing and can keep us close but who am I supposed to go to if my hookup sucks? It's too late to find someone else to jerk me off in the bathroom of the diner when my date sucks at giving head-"

"Woah, woah, Gukie. Slow down." Taehyung wraps his arm around Jeongguk's shoulder, drawing him into Taehyung's space. Jeongguk immediately shuts the hell up. This is why he doesn't fucking talk about it, because as soon as he starts everything comes rushing up. "Graduation is still months away, Jeon. And I'm- I'm not planning on leaving right away."

Jeongguk jerks out of Taehyung's hold, nearly sends himself toppling off the tower if not for Taehyung's grip on his bicep. "You're not?"

"Nah. Not really interested in college, anyway. Figured I'll go to a small school nearby and stay in town, at least until you're done with high school. Or we get run out of town." Taehyung takes another long drink of his beer before throwing the can off the tower. "Whichever comes first."

"You think we'll get run out?"

"Hopefully with pitchforks."

"Fuckin' weirdo."

Taehyung nuzzles his nose against Jeongguk's hair and Jeongguk finds himself smiling in content. Call him clingy and stupid but he likes having Taehyung with him. And if Taehyung does leave town before him, Jeongguk doesn't think it's far off to assume they'll end up at each other's sides again soon after.

"Your weirdo," Taehyung says, kissing lightly at Jeongguk's ear.

"Stop- fucking doing that, Tae."

"Aw," Taehyung whines, pouting. "But you like it."

"Doesn't mean you have to keep doing it."

"Whatever, you bitch. What do you say we head to the bar? It's ladies night, and if you're still sad in a few hours I'll touch your dick as much as you want."

Jeongguk snorts, indulging himself for a minute to nose along the hollow of Taehyung's throat. "So considerate, hyung."

"You know it." Taehyung stands, reaching for the blanket he'd left here years ago and tosses it over the last few beers. They'll probably be back here tomorrow, anyway. Couple of small town burnouts like them, they don't have much else to do. "Come on, Gukie."

Jeongguk smiles as he climbs down the ladder, hiding it from Taehyung. They have time together, which means he can still learn a bunch of shit from Taehyung, can still climb into Taehyung's bedroom through the window when his own room is a little too lonely. Maybe they'll fuckin' run away to the other side of the country after Jeongguk graduates or some shit, get lost in the big city where no one knows their names. But they don't have to think about that now.

Now, their only concern is which one of them gets to get hammered tonight and who's sorry ass has to drive home.

It's always funny when Taehyung gets drunk. Because if Jeongguk spits words like rain, Taehyung makes friends and spills more secrets than anyone can count. It's his turn tonight to get drunk after his last final for the year. Jeongguk still has two more before the end of the year, and had suggested sex as a celebration so he wouldn't have to work very hard, but Taehyung shot that idea down by blowing him outside the bar before he could even realize he was hard.

"Jeon," Taehyung leans most of his weight on Jeongguk, who's sitting at one of the small tables at the bar with him, drinking idly at his Coke. "Jeon. My favorite bitch in the world. A sexy bitch."

Jeongguk feels himself blush, hates it when Taehyung calls him sexy or hot because he really doesn't hate it at all. He likes it. Especially when Taehyung's got his fingers crooked against Jeongguk's prostate and is whispering that Jeongguk looks so good all strung out for me. Another thing he refuses to talk about- the praise.

"What, Taehyung?"

"See that girl? With the blonde hair by the bar?"

There are a lot of blonde girls by the bar. "Yeah. What about her?"

"Greatest tits to fuck. Like. Ever."

"Jesus." Taehyung wobbles in his seat. Jeongguk settles him with a finger curled in his belt loop. He's not trying very hard. It's always funny when Taehyung falls out of his chair. "Didn't need to know that, dude."

"I'm saying it for your advantage. Go get her. She likes younger dudes."

"Shut up before she hears you."

But Taehyung doesn't fucking shut up when he's drunk. He's naturally loud and energetic, has gotten in a lot of trouble more than a few times for screaming to get Jeongguk's attention in the middle of school assemblies, but it's even worse after he's had a few rum and cokes. He loses his filter, then, and his sober filter is shitty enough already. "I want to suck your dick."

Jeongguk doesn't even flinch. "Already did that, dumbass."

"So? You're young, your libido has to be better than this."

"You're one to talk. I made you come twice and you fucking passed out in my bathroom."

"Your floor is fucking comfortable, you dick warmer."

Taehyung manages to stand up, hobbling over to the bar to order another drink. A girl Jeongguk recognizes from school catches his eye, grins as she looks Jeongguk over from head to toe. He has to drive Taehyung home from the bar tonight, but there's nothing in the bro code that says Taehyung has to be the one he cuddles to sleep tonight.

Jeongguk waves the girl over just as Taehyung gets his next drink and slams his fist onto the top of the bar. "See that boy over there," Taehyung's saying, pointing at Jeongguk with a shaky finger. He's captured the attention of both bartenders and everyone who's sitting nearby, enraptured because Taehyung's fucking gorgeous with a flush sitting high on his cheeks and his long body leaning elegantly against the bar. "That boy- he's so good at eating ass. Says he won't but holy shit he's got a magical tongue. Eats ass like- like the last fucking supper, my dude. My good boy Gukie."

It's not news to Jeongguk. Since he fucking moaned for Taehyung the first time Taehyung's gotten even more vocal, spitting occasional praise that only makes Jeongguk work harder. But only sometimes, because Taehyung wants Jeongguk to beg to be called a good boy and Jeongguk still has his pride, thank you very much.

That doesn't mean he wants Taehyung announcing this fact to everyone in this very packed bar.

Jeongguk jumps out of his seat and slaps his hand over Taehyung's mouth. He tries to look stern but Taehyung's giggling and swaying, grasping at Jeongguk's hips to pull him close and then he's kissing at Jeongguk's neck, wet and sloppy and full of giggles.

"Quit it," Jeongguk mutters, reaching around Taehyung's body to pay the tab. He thinks the car keys are in his pocket. "You're the reason we're running out of bars to go to."

"Wanna fuck you, Gukie," Taehyung's saying against his skin. It's a bitch to get Taehyung out of the bar and they forget Taehyung's jacket inside but it's fucking summer anyway. Taehyung only wore the ugly thing for the aesthetic because he's a piece of shit. "Fuck you 'till you're screaming."

"No drunk sex, remember?"

Taehyung makes unhappy noises while Jeongguk shoves him into the passenger seat, whining, "But why?"

"Your rule. Plus I'm not sure you'll stay awake and I don't do blackout hookups."

"Lower your standards, babe." Taehyung keeps swatting at Jeongguk's face while he drives, slumped against the window and reaching with his long arms to try and poke Jeongguk's eye out. "This is why I get more dick."

"You're also gayer."

"Whatever helps you sleep at night."

Taehyung's quiet for a while, fiddling with the radio and giggling every damn time he changes a channel. Jeongguk contemplates leaving him propped against his front door to be dealt with in the morning but Taehyung doesn't give him a chance, latching onto Jeongguk's back the second Jeongguk gets him out of the car. He snuggles against Jeongguk's neck and doesn't let go even as they hobble down the stairs to the basement.

"Dude." Jeongguk's in the process of getting Taehyung's shoes off when Taehyung sits straight up, staring at him very seriously with rum darkened eyes. "You've got a nice fucking dick. Like. Real nice. For a kinda straight dude."

"Thanks." Jeongguk tries to hide his grin, knows it's unnecessary anyway because Taehyung won't remember any of this in the morning, anyway. But there's something really nice about complements from Taehyung, about being told his thighs look extra firm today or that his ass has never looked nicer. Or when Taehyung calls him sexy in the locker room before physical education just to see him blush surrounded by the other guys they both know can't hold a candle to the sex they get from each other. "Now go the fuck to sleep."

"Cuddle me."

"No, fuck you. Cuddle me."

"I'll fucking jerk off in your sock, Jeon, don't test me."

Jeongguk gives in, of course. He's so fucking bad at saying no to Taehyung and Taehyung knows it, grins all victoriously when Jeongguk climbs petulantly into bed behind him and draws him against his chest. One day he'll stop entertaining Taehyung's weird cuddling addiction, but today is not that day.

Graduation comes and goes and like real tried and true bums, Taehyung and Jeongguk sit in Jeongguk's basement with a few friends from school. The obligatory graduation dinners are finally over, and there are too many pictures on their mother's cameras of Jeongguk wearing Taehyung's cap while they pose but the food was good and the beer and Pizza Rolls are even better.

Taehyung's the one who suggests spin the bottle, sitting between a boy from Jeongguk's class named Yugyeom and a girl he graduated with. There's a girl on Jeongguk's lap and he can't remember how she got there, so when the bottle lands on Jeongguk he presses a quick kiss to her mouth.

The beer is warm and the music is good. Someone brings Soju and pulls out a yearbook to laugh at and Taehyung's got his tongue down Seulgi's throat after another round of spinning a bottle.

"Okay, okay," Kihyun's laughing after the game slows down a little bit. It takes another minute for Taehyung to break away from Seulgi's neck, but that's okay too. "New game. Taehyung. Fondest high school memory?"

Taehyung answers without pause, "First time Jeon let me fuck him in the locker room."

Jeongguk throws his bottle at Taehyung's head, misses because he's a little tipsy. "Dickhole. He's kidding."

"So that rumor was true?" Seulgi asks and Jeongguk could cry because now that Taehyung's done he has to deal with these rumors on his own. His way of dealing has worked out pretty well, though. He just fucking ignores them.

"Don't fucking say anything, Kim."

"Or what? Suck my dick, Jeon."

"Give me a time and place, asshole."

"Jesus," Yugyeom says, leaning back with a brownie hanging out of his teeth. "You two really are somethin'."

The music's still good and the beer's still being passed around but Taehyung's grinning at Jeongguk over Seulgi's shoulder as she recalls her favorite high school memory, something about cheering for the basketball team and now Jeongguk's feeling a little guilty because he plays basketball and he never noticed her there.

And it goes like that, talking about fond high school memories and Taehyung interrupting almost every story to add a Jeongguk anecdote- which usually only occurs because Taehyung gets him drunk in the first place. A lot of Jeongguk's misfortune can be credited to taking beers from Taehyung. It goes like that until it gets to be Jeongguk's turn and he snaps, "Quit fucking looking at me like that, Taehyung."

"Or what, Jeon? You're all bark and no bite."

Jeongguk will fucking show him bite. "Bathroom. Five minutes."

Everyone's laughing, used to Jeongguk and Taehyung trying to one-up each other in the hallways and always threatening each other with hollow insults. Everyone's laughing until Jeongguk all but knocks the girl off his lap to go to the bathroom and five minutes later Taehyung is whispering something to Seulgi and following Jeongguk into the bathroom, and then no one's laughing anymore when someone's moans are bouncing through the room.

If someone were to ask, they'd say Jeongguk was an idiot. Not for any real reason, mostly just because everyone's a fucking idiot and Jeongguk's no exception. But now he's an idiot because he fucked up during his practice, couldn't focus on the plays and missed a lot of easy passes. He's in the running for captain of the basketball team next year but if he keeps slipping up like the last couple of days the he can kiss that position goodbye.

Jeongguk walks home in the hot summer afternoon, basketball bag slung over his shoulders and stares at his shoes as he walks. He usually calls Taehyung for a ride, knows his friend has nothing better to do while he's preparing to move into an apartment across town, but Jeongguk doesn't fucking want to feel even more like a bother.

Still. He's a creature of habit and even as his head hangs he still walks right through Taehyung's front door instead of his own. Taehyung's mom isn't home but there's fresh brownies cooling in the kitchen and Jeongguk eats three before he heads upstairs where he knows Taehyung will be.

"Guk?" Taehyung looks up in surprise when Jeongguk comes barreling into his room, tossing his backpack to the corner and kicking off his Timberlands. Taehyung’s lying across his bed, flipping through a book, and something in Jeongguk seems to break in that very moment. "Done with practice? Why didn't you call?"

Jeongguk doesn't answer because he doesn't have an answer. He crawls quickly into bed and kisses Taehyung hard enough to bruise, biting Taehyung’s lips to get to his tongue. Taehyung makes an affronted noise but takes it in stride, kissing Jeongguk back just as hard as Jeongguk lowers his weight onto Taehyung’s lap on the bed.

"What," Taehyung gasps, hissing at the sting of Jeongguk's teeth on the hollow of his throat. "What happened?"

"Don't wanna talk." Jeongguk mutters, grabbing one of Taehyung's hands from his thigh and pressing it against his crotch. "Fuck me, hyung."

And if Jeongguk's weak for Taehyung then it's the exact same for Taehyung. Taehyung grips him hard at his thighs and flips their positions, grinding down against Jeongguk's length as he licks into Jeongguk's mouth. Jeongguk wraps his legs around Taehyung's waist and it's good, enough pleasure for Jeongguk to get lost in, throwing his head back and letting Taehyung have access to all of him, but it isn't enough.

Taehyung can read him like a book by this point, knows when Jeongguk's whine is one of impatience. He pulls back to tug Jeongguk's damp, sweaty shirt off, follows it with his own clothes until they're both naked and a little desperate, Taehyung sucking violent hickeys in a row along Jeongguk's throat. Taehyung keeps his lube in the side dresser because he's just as predictable and annoying as Jeongguk is, his finger slick when he rubs around Jeongguk's hole.

"Fuck, you sound so pretty, Guk." And maybe it's the circumstance, but Taehyung seems to know exactly what Jeongguk needs, whispering little complements and praises to the skin of Jeongguk's cheek.

There's an unrestrained frustration to this round, Jeongguk realizes. His nails scrape harshly down Taehyung's back and Taehyung doesn't wait as long as he usually does between one and two fingers. Jeongguk doesn't mind. He wants more.

"Harder, Tae." Jeongguk spits, grinding down onto Taehyung's fingers. Taehyung crooks them against Jeongguk's prostate in retaliation, grinning wickedly at the way Jeongguk's back bows and he groans out Taehyung's name. "Fuck- fuck me like you mean it, you dick- oh, do that again."

Taehyung likes to complain that Jeongguk's too mouthy in bed but he doesn't complain when he's got three fingers buried in Jeongguk's ass, thrusting them in a little too fast but Jeongguk's still asking for more, clinging to Taehyung's shoulders.

Jeongguk moans when Taehyung leans down to take his dick into his mouth, sucking his length between his lips easily. Jeongguk's almost fucking insulted at how easily sucking dick comes to Taehyung, but Taehyung shares his secrets, so he doesn't care that much.

It's too good, Jeongguk thinks, squirming against the hand Taehyung has on his hip to keep him in place. He tries to buck into Taehyung's mouth, which only earns another jab against his prostate and he cries out, hands curled into Taehyung's hair. It's all too good and Jeongguk's body is shaking, his orgasm looming over his head because Taehyung's always been good at making Jeongguk come too fast, especially when he does way too much.

"C-close," Jeongguk whimpers, the word cutting off into another moan. Taehyung and his stupidly good fingers and his stupidly good mouth, a mouth Jeongguk's about to come in if Taehyung doesn't pull off.

Taehyung pulls back at the last second, massaging Jeongguk's inner walls as he comes all over his belly, crying out brokenly as his body tenses. Taehyung scissors his fingers again, Jeongguk wiggling a little in slight discomfort, but Taehyung doesn't stop and Jeongguk doesn't ask him to, his cock slowly hardening again against his thigh.

"Get on your hands and knees," Taehyung orders, his voice a little wrecked. Jeongguk shivers at the tone but hurries to comply, some part of his head needing to be good in this moment, an irrational fear that Taehyung will leave him hanging here like this. "Who do you think you are? Barging into my room, demanding I fuck you like the little cock slut you are." Jeongguk whines, back arching at the press of Taehyung's palms against his skin. "Oh? I'm right, aren't I? Baby boy Gukie, always so desperate for a cock in your ass. Guess you're lucky I'm in such a giving mood today."

"T-Tae," Jeongguk shivers, tries to grind back on the fingers Taehyung has teasing at his hole.

"What."

"Slap me? M-my ass?"

Taehyung falters. "What?"

"Please?"

He's hesitant but always so giving, always willing to give Jeongguk something he asks for. Taehyung may love dragging on foreplay, withholding what Jeongguk needs and wants just to watch the way Jeongguk's eyes well up with frustrated tears, until Jeongguk's cursing Taehyung's entire family and threatening to fuck himself on one of Taehyung's toys before Taehyung finally gives in and fucks him.

But slow and steady won't win this race, and Taehyung seems to realize that. Without another word, Taehyung spanks him, palm against the meatiest part of Jeongguk's ass. Jeongguk gasps, his entire body jerking forward with a strangled moan.

"Again."

Taehyung spanks him again, on the other cheek this time, and again when Jeongguk gasps out another request. He kneads Jeongguk's cheeks with both hands, murmurs, "Looks so pretty, baby."

Jeongguk whines, pushing his face into the mattress and his ass back in Taehyung's hands. "Once more?"

Taehyung does, of course he does. Slaps him one more time, harder than the first few, and runs the pads of his fingers against the heated flesh and Jeongguk sobs out at the light pressure.

"Fuck," Taehyung groans. "You look so fucking good with my hand print on your ass."

"Fuck me, hyung. Come on, wanna feel your thick cock fucking me open."

Taehyung groans. "Gonna be the death of me, Guk." He reaches over Jeongguk's body for a condom but Jeongguk stops him with an unhappy noise. "What?"

"Don't- don't use one. I'm clean."

"Guk-"

"You are too, right?"

"Well, yeah, but-"

"What's the problem?"

"I've never," Taehyung adjusts his position behind Jeongguk, jostles his hips a little more and dips his thumb into Jeongguk's wet, puffy hole. "Never gone without."

"Me neither. Who fucking cares, just wanna feel your fat cock in my goddam throat."

"You're fucking filthy."

Taehyung pushes in without warning, cutting off Jeongguk's next sly remark with a broken sob as he's finally filled, and this, this is what Jeongguk needed. He needed Taehyung thrusting deep into his ass before he's really ready, fucking him hard and fast, bony hips slamming against the back of Jeongguk's thighs. Jeongguk can't even think to stay quiet, babbling and crying out, demanding Taehyung move even faster as he moans into the pillow by his teeth.

"Feels- feels so good, Taehyung-" Jeongguk's crying out, fisting both hands in the blankets by his face, lets his weight drop completely and lets Taehyung support his weight. Or not. Jeongguk doesn't fucking care so long as Taehyung keeps fucking him so well.

"So tight," Taehyung growls into Jeongguk's ear, adjusting his angle until he's brushing against Jeongguk's prostate with every thrust and Jeongguk's all but sobbing into the mattress. "Fucking made for this, princess."

"Don't-don't fucking call me that," Jeongguk spits, even as his hole clenches and a shiver hits his spine.

"No?" Taehyung chuckles, the sound making Jeongguk whine. "Seems to me that you like it. Like being my little princess? Like it when I fuck your slutty hole open like this? Take it so well, Gukie, ass fucking made for taking my cock. Looks almost as good as your mouth around me."

Taehyung winds a hand into Jeongguk's hair and pulls, and Jeongguk moans so loudly that Taehyung's pace falters. He doesn't move for a long moment, making Jeongguk squirm in impatience. He has an idea what Taehyung is thinking. "Fuck off, keep going."

"You're so- fucking sexy, Jeongguk. Princess. My baby boy." Taehyung pulls on Jeongguk's hair again, another high-pitched moan falling from Jeongguk's lips before he can think to stop it.

Taehyung grips tightly onto Jeongguk's hips, forcing Jeongguk to take everything that he wants to give. And Jeongguk loves it. Loves Taehyung's big palms on his waist, loves Taehyung leaning his body over Jeongguk's as he thrusts harshly, muttering filth into Jeongguk's ear and letting Jeongguk moan and cry out and ask for it faster all he wants.

Jeongguk's not going to last, not with Taehyung's hand twisting back into his hair to give another experimental tug, then he bites at Jeongguk's ear and Jeongguk hadn't even realized he was that close until suddenly Jeongguk's entire body tenses as he comes, a surprised moan falling from his lips as he comes all over the sheets.

"So good, princess." Taehyung whispers into his ear. "My good boy, Gukie."

Taehyung follows quickly, thrusting hesitantly into Jeongguk as he chases his own orgasm, and Jeongguk hums contently, body loose limbed. "Come inside me. Hyung. I want you to."

Taehyung comes with a strangled groan, coming deep in Jeongguk's ass before pulling out gently. He helps Jeongguk onto his back and doesn't even bother putting out his hand for rock paper scissors to decide who has to clean up. Instead, he coaxes Jeongguk to his feet and into the bathroom across the hall, not without making a sly comment about killing Jeongguk if he gets any cum on the carpet.

"Hyung?" Jeongguk blinks sleepily, watching as Taehyung starts the shower. He can feel cum and lube drying on his inner thighs, not to mention the dried cum still on his stomach, and he scowls, shifting his weight. In the mirror he can see a violent purple hickey nestled in the base of his throat. It stings when he presses his fingers against it, hissing quietly.

Taehyung notices. "Sorry, I went kinda hard-"

Jeongguk murmurs, "I like it,” and he swears it looks like Taehyung’s about to pass out from that statement alone.

"C'mon."

When they're done in the shower, Taehyung having taken charge to wash Jeongguk's hair and get the cum out of his ass, he offers Jeongguk sweats and his favorite hoodie and snuggles up against Jeongguk's back in bed. And it's quiet for a while, Jeongguk content and warm and sore, ready to ignore his summer homework in favor of falling asleep and forgetting-

"Wanna tell me what had you all worked up?" Taehyung holds his weight behind Jeongguk with his elbow, staring at Jeongguk's cheek as Jeongguk stares resolutely at the wall.

"No. Nothing. Shut up and go to sleep."

"So you like being called princess, huh?"

Jeongguk groans, picking his battle for the night. "I'm a fucking piece of shit."

"Hey," Taehyung frowns, nudges Jeongguk until he's lying on his back and Taehyung can prop his chin on Jeongguk's chest. "Only I'm allowed to call you that. What happened?"

"I'm horrible at basketball. I'm going to quit."

"No you're not."

"Fuck off. Yes, I am."

"Guk."

"I keep making stupid mistakes," Jeongguk sighs, links his hands on the small of Taehyung's back. Taehyung's hand feels good in his hair. "Like. Mistakes that can cost me the captain position next year."

"So you had a bad week, who cares? You're still a good player."

"Ugh."

Taehyung pokes his cheek. "You're good, Jeon. Real good. Almost as good as your body."

"Thanks, I think." Jeongguk turns back onto his side, quietly asking for something and of course Taehyung gets it, spoons against Jeongguk's back without a word.

Taehyung grabs the remote and turns on the TV. "Oh nice, Cake Boss is on."

"Really?" Jeongguk asks sleepily, winding his fingers between Taehyung's on his stomach without thinking of any consequences. "Oh, I think this is the episode where they build an Iron Man cake."

"Of course you'd know that." Taehyung pauses. "You could choke me you know."

Jeongguk's eyes snap open. "What?"

"You heard me. During sex."

"But you were topping."

"Topping, bottoming, doesn't fuckin' matter to me. Try it next time."

"Maybe. Shut the fuck up."

"You got it, princess."

That summer, Taehyung uses all of his newfound knowledge to his advantage. Jeongguk will never be as outright about his kinks as Taehyung is, preferring the muted feeling of excited embarrassment that comes with discovering a new one by Taehyung's hand. And Taehyung is all too willing to comply, curling his fingers around Jeongguk’s throat with a muttered, “This would be so much easier if you just told me the nasty shit you like.”

But Jeongguk’s nothing if he’s not stubborn.

It stopped being about teaching Jeongguk how to get fucked a long time ago, but neither of them really cares. Jeongguk's too lazy to go searching for hookups half the time, and knows through experience that a text of his hard dick will get Taehyung to his house in less than five minutes. He does use some of the things he learns on the girls and guys he picks up around town, but there are only so many of Taehyung's weird fucking fetishes that Jeongguk can propose to someone he wants to put his dick inside. Or vice versa.

"Hey." Taehyung knocks at Jeongguk's window. It's fucking unnecessary. Jeongguk's parents are on vacation for the week, but Taehyung's been climbing in his window lately. Trying to bring the romance back or some bullshit. "Jeon, open your window."

"No, go away."

"Fuck you, man. I'll get off without you."

"Nice. Less work for me."

"Piece of shit-"

But Jeongguk does reach behind his bed to unlock the window for Taehyung, who topples in gracelessly. "Don't get dirt on my bed."

"Pansy ass shit-" Taehyung kicks off his shoes, lets them land somewhere on the mess that is Jeongguk's floor. "I got you a going away present. And birthday present."

"Really?" That gets Jeongguk's attention, and he looks up from his game of Piano Tiles to face his friend. Taehyung isn't even going anywhere, just finally moving into his apartment a little bit closer to his school. "What is it?"

"I'm going to teach you how to top."

Jeongguk pouts. "But I like bottoming."

"And you're good at it, but you should know how to top in case a partner wants it. Now take your shirt off and come here."

With a sigh, Jeongguk complies and chucks his tank top off, maybe stares a little too long at Taehyung’s elegant frame as he strips, and lets Taehyung guide Jeongguk over his naked body with sure hands on his hips. "Do I have to kiss you?"

"If you want." Taehyung leans back and Jeongguk straddles his thighs. "You already know the shit I like, but for your sake I left the anal beads at home."

"I fucking hate you-"

"I'm kidding. Sort of. Take your time with your partner, work them up a little before you really get to it."

Jeongguk does, dropping a quick kiss to Taehyung's lips before moving along to his neck. He knows what he likes, the stuff that Taehyung does that gets him really hot under the collar and tries to replicate that, nipping along the smooth skin of Taehyung's throat. He doesn't have as visceral a reaction when Jeongguk bites at his ear and he pouts, but Taehyung assures him that he's doing well, that he can move down his body.

So Jeongguk does, paying attention to which spots make Taehyung moan and sigh and which ones get him tense beneath Jeongguk's palms. He takes his time, kissing everywhere he can reach, a thigh wedged between Taehyung's legs and he can feel Taehyung getting hard against his thigh.

"Good?" Jeongguk asks, because he needs that reassurance from Taehyung. Especially now.

"Real good, Guk. You don't have to blow me."

But Jeongguk wants to, so he licks from the base of Taehyung's cock to the tip, taking time to dig his tongue into the slit at the tip because he knows that's something that Taehyung likes. Jeongguk takes Taehyung's cock between his lips, moaning at the feel of him, hot and heavy, on his tongue, hollows his cheeks to take Taehyung even deeper until his tip hits the back of Jeongguk's throat. Taehyung sighs in pleasure, his hand a nice weight on the back of Jeongguk's head. Normally, Jeongguk would back off a little and let Taehyung fuck his face before moving on to prep, but this isn't a normal afternoon and it's not Jeongguk's ass today.

“Your cock is my fucking favorite,” Taehyung sighs, eyes closed in pleasure. Jeongguk doesn’t think much of it; could say the same thing about Taehyung’s dick.

"I'm gonna prep you now," Jeongguk says, pulling off Taehyung's cock with a slick pop.

"So soon? Where did the romance go, Gukie?"

"Shove it."

The lube's on the floor from Jeongguk's hookup the night before, a college boy taller than Jeongguk with big hands and nice hair and really nice fingers, and he grabs it quickly. He's afraid of hurting Taehyung, honestly, even though he knows that Taehyung has done this more than him, so he pours extra lube onto his fingers and then onto Taehyung's crack, watches as it runs between his cheeks.

"Cold," Taehyung hisses, and Jeongguk smiles a little because that's something Taehyung always does to him.

Jeongguk jostles Taehyung's hips a little to prop him against his thighs, pushing his finger and nearly choking at the tight heat, imagining that around his cock. "Okay, good," Taehyung sighs, body taut and Jeongguk feels a little pride at the marks already darkening his skin. "Good. Wiggle it around a little. Don't go for the prostate right away, better to wait for two fingers."

He pushes another finger in when he thinks Taehyung is ready and is rewarded with a gorgeous little moan. "Like this?"

"Good. Now crook your fingers in a kinda come hither motion, you'll know when you hit it because-" Taehyung's words are broken off in a loud groan as Jeongguk's fingers press into the gland. He scissors his fingers and presses them into Taehyung's prostate again, loving the way Taehyung moans and loving the delicate curve of his waist when he squirms. Call him mean, but Jeongguk plays with Taehyung's prostate for a little too long, especially after he's got three fingers buried in Taehyung's ass.

"You like that, huh?" Jeongguk asks, doing it again.

"Y-yeah." Taehyung sighs, grinding down against Jeongguk's fingers. "Told- I told you it's fun to play with. Quit it, though. I'm gonna come. Now c'mon, I'm ready. Want your big fat cock, baby boy."

Jeongguk fixes him with an unamused look. "Can't you let me win just once?"

"Nope."

Jeongguk kicks off his jeans and reaches for a condom because Taehyung says he's not dealing with Jeongguk's come in his ass, he doesn't have time for that shit. Jeongguk doesn't care; his cock is hard and heavy and hurting, curving against his stomach and flushed. His hips jump when he rolls the condom on and again as he lubes up. Jeongguk flushes at the way Taehyung laughs at him, but Taehyung gets quiet real quick when Jeongguk lines up at his hole and pushes in slowly.

And fuck, Jeongguk's already intoxicated as fuck. Taehyung's so tight and warm and wet, and it takes every ounce of Jeongguk's stamina not to blow his fucking load the second he's inside Taehyung. It takes a minute to bottom out, Jeongguk moving slow for his own wellbeing and so as not to hurt Taehyung.

He shakes a little once his entire length is buried in Taehyung's ass, face in Taehyung's shoulder and hands curled in the sheets. Taehyung presses a kiss to Jeongguk's cheek and runs his hands over the expanse of Jeongguk’s skin. "You can move, baby. Feel so good, so big inside of me." Jeongguk shakes his head. "Gonna come?" Jeongguk nods and Taehyung's laughing, running his fingers through Jeongguk's hair. "It's fine if you do, but then ya gotta eat my ass."

"M'fine," Jeongguk mutters, body tense above Taehyung. He waits for a few more minutes, catching his breath slowly. Hesitantly, he moves, and both he and Taehyung moan out loud.

"God, your cock's so good." Taehyung hums, "if only you knew how to use it better."

The quick instance of praise is almost enough to make up for Taehyung's snark, Jeongguk decides with a roll of his eyes. When he's sure he's not going to nut in that instant, Jeongguk thrusts harder, pulling out only to slam his hips back against Taehyung. "Hyung-"

"Good, real good, Guk." Taehyung's nails scrape against Jeongguk's shoulders and he finds that he likes it. Likes it a lot. "Angle- oh, fuck- angle your hips a little, aim for the prostate again-" Jeongguk does, bangs sweaty in his eyes as he fucks into Taehyung a little harder, and he grins when Taehyung lets out a shout of pleasure when Jeongguk hits his mark. "Fuck, Jeon. Mark up my neck."

Biting hickeys into Taehyung's neck, Jeongguk thrusts even harder, lets some of his earlier worry melt away. One of his hands moves from the sheets, gripping Taehyung's ass harshly and tugging his thigh higher on Jeongguk's waist.

"Feel so good, Tae." Jeongguk whispers to his neck, sucking another dark hickey into the skin there. "Please tell me you're close."

Taehyung chuckles. "Not yet. Will be if you touch my cock, though."

Jeongguk jerks him off a little sloppily, his hips snapping against Taehyung's ass because he's real fucking close and doesn't want to be that asshole who comes way before his partner. Taehyung sighs in his ear, whispers that he's doing so well, and when Jeongguk swipes his finger along the tip of Taehyung's dick, he tenses around Jeongguk and comes with a gorgeous moan, the sudden tightness around his cock making Jeongguk come before he realizes.

"That was good, Jeon," Taehyung says, once they've both caught their breath and Jeongguk's lost at rock paper scissors. Jeongguk finds a shirt on the floor to clean the cum from their bellies with. "Usually I can come just from a dick in my ass-"

"Wow, thanks for the fucking confidence," he mutters. Jeongguk's not pouting, not one bit as Taehyung giggles and cups his cheeks to press a wet kiss to Jeongguk's nose.

"But, if you work harder you'll get there. Kudos on not blowing right when you got in me, though. I totally thought you were gonna bust it."

"Jeon Jeongguk does not bust early."

"Mhm. We’ll work on it." Taehyung grabs one of Jeongguk's shirts and pulls his sweats back on, always still full of energy even after sex. Jeongguk stays naked and sated on his bed. "Get up, lazy ass. We're going to get milkshakes."

"Ugh. Why?"

"It's our thing now. Milkshakes after sex."

"We've been having sex for months now."

"Which means we have months worth of milkshakes to drink."

Taehyung makes Jeongguk drive to the diner, complains that his ass hurts like a bitch and Jeongguk would be lying through his teeth if he said that didn't stroke his ego just the tiniest bit. Taehyung orders one vanilla milkshake with two straws and, "The largest plate of fries you have, my good waiter. We're celebrating tonight."

"Oh?" The waiter laughs and Jeongguk tries to fucking hide under the table. "What's the special occasion?"

"My baby boy just fucked a dude."

"Great," Jeongguk says, watching the waiter walk away with bright red cheeks. "You just ruined his life."

"Another victim to add to the list."

The food comes, wings and fries and burgers and a milkshake, and Jeongguk could cry at smelling all of the greasy food. He'll have to double his workout tomorrow, but he thinks it's worth it to watch Taehyung's lips around a straw.

"You know what else is this white?" Taehyung swipes his finger through a glob of whipped cream.

"Don't, hyung-"

"Cum. My cum. Bet it doesn't taste as good, though."

Jeongguk leans forward, drinking from the milkshake without looking away from Taehyung. He smacks his lips. "You're right. It tastes better."

"Yeah? What's it taste like."

"Your mom last night."

"I'm going to kick your ass, Jeon-"

Jeongguk shoves a few fries in Taehyung's mouth, laughing too loudly for this small diner this late in the afternoon. Taehyung gives up on his idea to murder Jeongguk, but he does steal the rest of Jeongguk's burger.

Someone taps Jeongguk on the shoulder. It's a middle-aged woman sitting in the booth behind them, she and her husband sharing a brownie sundae. She points at Taehyung in distaste. "He does realize he's in public, right? How can he just say those things?"

"He knows," Jeongguk says, too fondly. "He just doesn't care."

"I'm bored."

"So do your homework."

"What the fuck." Taehyung looks genuinely offended by the suggestion. "No. I was thinking we'd have another threesome."

Jeongguk grimaces. "Dunno if that's a good idea, man. You laughed so hard during our first one I swear I went a little soft. Plus you told her about the... the thing."

Taehyung takes a long drink from his soda, taking care to drip some condensation onto his textbook. He's had one of his books for his photography class open for the three hours he's been in the diner with Jeongguk, both of them pretending they're actually giving a shit. It's too cold to entertain walking to the library. Wherever the hell that is. "Your daddy kink? You just looked so cute trying to dominate Jiwoo, Jeon. And uncomfortable every time she called you daddy. She really had no clue you like to be called a slut."

"I don't have a daddy kink."

"I have a reminder on Facebook that says the exact opposite."

Jeongguk wants to die. It was an accident. A fucking accident. "Keep your voice down."

"My precious little princess slut."

"Hyung. I'll kill you."

"Whatever." The waiter, another scandalized college student, passes by and Taehyung orders himself a chocolate milkshake. "I don't think we should bring another dude in the bedroom, at least not for a while. You came way too fast."

Jeongguk flushes and tries to hide it in his math homework. It doesn't work. It never does, and Taehyung's laughing so hard he chokes on his soda. "He had bomb dick game, how the fuck is that my fault?"

"Oh?" Taehyung leans closer, grins that greasy grin that Jeongguk knows far too well. "So it had nothing to do with me whispering in your ear? Calling you a slut, saying how good you look getting fucked-?"

"Dude-" Jeongguk shoves his hand in Taehyung's face, can feel his dick plumping up against his thigh and he fucking hates Kim Taehyung. He really does. "Shut up. I mean it."

"Okay, okay. Jeez." Taehyung sneaks a couple of Jeongguk's fries, still grinning like the piece of shit he is. "We'll save the threesome talk for my birthday. Besides, I really think I like watching you get railed. Something really hot about watching someone else shove your face in the mattress."

"No." Jeongguk feels his stomach drop because he can recognize that look in Taehyung's eyes anywhere. It's the same look from the first time he got Jeongguk to try the anal beads or take two dicks at once. "No way, hyung. That can't be another kink."

"How dare you kink shame me. In front of my own salad."

"That's gotta be, like, your tenth kink."

"Twelfth. I think."

"Jesus- fuck."

"Hey, I didn't say anything when you asked me to slap you."

"Because I choked you after!"

"Damn." Taehyung says very seriously, ignoring the scandalized look that a couple across the diner is throwing them. "We have tried so much shit."

"Warrants a break, right?"

"In your fucking dreams, Jeon."

The afternoon passes like that, Taehyung answering homework questions between orders of food and Jeongguk chugging away at his calculus homework. He hates it, always has, but it's whatever. What he's got to do. They spend their hours ranking the guys and girls who come into the diner, suggesting them as possible threesome partners but ultimately getting nowhere because they can't fucking agree on a person.

"What about her?"

"I have history with her this year. Don't need that being awkward. What about him?"

"He looks bigger than you, looks like he can't take beads. I want your dick to be the biggest I choke on."

"Fuck off, hyung. Her?"

"Weird boobs. Probably sucks at giving head."

"Can't be as bad as your mom."

"You shit-"

Taehyung chases him out of the diner, but not before throwing a few bills on the table to cover their meals. He shoves Jeongguk into a nearby snowbank, laughs so hard he has to clutch his knees to catch his breath and presents a perfect target for Jeongguk to push him into a pile of snow on the side of the road.

When he offers a hand to Taehyung- because he's not an asshole, okay?- Taehyung uses the leverage to drop a frosty kiss on Jeongguk's lips, then leaves him reeling as he walks to the car. Jeongguk goes back to the diner for their books, avoiding the looks the other customers are giving them.

"Wanna come to my place and drink? My roommate's out."

Jeongguk snuggles into his coat. The heater in Taehyung's car is starting to go. "Sure. You're buying though."

"Duh. What kind of a hyung would I be if I didn't get the beer?"

("Here, Jeonggukie, drink this beer."

It's New Year's and Jeongguk's over at Taehyung's family's house for a party. Taehyung came back for the night, family and friends mingling around as Taehyung hands him a glass of something piss colored. He's already had a couple glasses of champagne and cut himself off. The last thing Jeongguk needs is to throw up on someone's shoes. "Thanks?"

"Just don't tell your mom I'm letting you drink."

Jeongguk scowls. "I'm nineteen, hyung. Not ten."

"Did I fucking stutter?"

"Can't wait until I'm old enough to buy this shit on my own," Jeongguk mutters, drinks the beer because Taehyung brought him the good shit his parents only buy for holidays.

"It loses its novelty once you're of age. Trust me."

They end up leaving the party early, sneaking up to Taehyung's old room where Taehyung blows Jeongguk on the bed. Jeongguk's just passed tipsy and can't muster up the energy to get on his knees, so he lets Taehyung do what he wants with his mouth, giggling every time Taehyung pulls back enough to let him breathe.

The countdown finds both of them wrapped in one blanket on Taehyung's bed, wearing pants because they're not trying to make it gay. Jeongguk rests his head on Taehyung's shoulder, and smiles to himself.

"Thanks, Tae."

"Of course. All in a day's work as the best hyung in the world.")

Heartache looks different on everyone, but Jeongguk thinks he hates the way it looks on Taehyung. It's not heartbreak, not at that level yet because Taehyung didn't have his heart broken, just stepped on a little, and now his favorite milkshake isn't even bringing a smile to his face.

Jeongguk doesn't know what to say because he's never had his heart stepped on. His longest relationship was a month in his freshman year, a relationship that ended amicably because neither of them really liked each other anymore.

"Hyung, at least turn the Evanescence off. People are staring."

Taehyung doesn't lift his head off of the table but he does fumble around for his phone before finally shutting off the embarrassing music. "I miss Eunji."

"You dated her for three weeks."

"Fuck off. She was great. Great in bed. Just. Really great."

Jeongguk slides into the seat next to Taehyung, wraps an arm around his back because it's really all he knows how to do. "She had really nice tits, too. I'd put my cock between them."

That, at least, gets Taehyung to chuckle weakly. "She broke up with me an hour ago, Jeon. Can you not."

Jeongguk works his fingers through Taehyung's hair, lets Taehyung shift until he's shoving his face against Jeongguk's shoulder and not the table. "You'll find someone else, Tae. Someone even wilder in bed."

"Think so?"

"Maybe. You're kind of a freak."

Taehyung laughs quietly. "That's your only free kink shame."

"Fuck- and you let me waste it?"

They fall silent for a while, the air conditioning cold on their bare arms and Jeongguk's arm is starting to fall asleep from the angle, but he keeps those thoughts to himself. He lets Taehyung mope, lets him mope against his neck because Taehyung isn't crying. He wasn't hurt badly enough to be crying, and Jeongguk counts that as a little victory.

"Guk?"

"Yeah."

"Can we go back to your place?"

"Yeah." Jeongguk drops a quick kiss to the top of Taehyung's head. "Yeah, of course. I'll even let you use that fleshlight you bought on me."

Taehyung perks up a little, still very little color on his cheeks. "Really?"

"One time offer."

"What the hell are we still doing here, then? I'll drive." Taehyung pauses outside at the driver's side of the car, staring at Jeongguk over the roof of the car with that twinkle in his eye that Jeongguk really had missed. "Oh, and Jeongguk?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks, man."

Jeongguk smiles, soft and small. "Don't mention it."

Jeongguk really fucking hates Taehyung. He says that a lot but this time, with his hands cuffed to the top of Taehyung's bed and a vibrator shoved up his ass, Jeongguk really means it. He's squirming, damn near about to break and beg because the cock ring on his dick is keeping Jeongguk from coming and he wants to die.

"Hyung-" Jeongguk gasps, arching his back when Taehyung turns the vibrator up another level. Taehyung wasn't even using Jeongguk's favorite handcuffs, no, he was using the pink fluffy ones because he thinks he's funny. "Hyung, fuck- fuck you- let me, shit-"

Taehyung only hums, lying on the other side of his bed and scrolling through his phone. He's not even looking at Jeongguk, tied up and high-strung, pretty flushed skin glistening. "What's wrong?"

"You fucking know what's wrong, you fucking piece of shit- fuck!"

Taehyung turns the vibrator up again and Jeongguk fucking wails. He can't quite remember how he got into this position, how the fuck he agreed to let Taehyung tie him up like this the night before he's to begin his last year of high school. Maybe there was a promise, maybe something else, Jeongguk doesn't care- his dick hurts.

"Hyung," Jeongguk sobs, kicking his legs out for some kind of relief but there isn't any. He can't remember how many settings this vibrator has. "Please- Tae, please please please touch me. Let me come, Tae, please!"

"Gotta do that thing I like, baby boy."

Jeongguk curses, the last of it cutting off into another cry of pleasure when Taehyung jacks up the vibrator again. Above all else, Jeongguk really just wants Taehyung to look at him. Because Taehyung isn't shy with his affection when it comes to sex and Jeongguk really wants that affection right now.

"I'm not-" Jeongguk whimpers. "Calling you that."

"Then I guess you're not coming."

Jeongguk could fucking cry. He swears in that moment that he's finding a new best friend once he gets out of these cuffs. He's tired of Taehyung and his stupid everything. Jeongguk has a lot of pride but Taehyung's really good at knocking him down a few pegs. Giggling when Jeongguk's trying to dom a girl. Talking his way out of the cuffs Jeongguk puts him in with promises to let Jeongguk fuck him against the wall, only for Jeongguk to be the one with his face pushed into the couch cushions as Taehyung ruins him. Showing no signs of discomfort when Jeongguk leaves him tied up to make pancakes instead. Or, Jeongguk's personal favorite: Taehyung breaking down into tears of laughter when their threesomes turn into competitions and Jeongguk's got a girl on his lap calling him daddy.

Jeongguk has a lot of pride but Taehyung's just better. And he knows it. But Jeongguk will never say it. At least not right now.

Writhing again, Jeongguk turns his face to Taehyung with a pout on his slick lips, bitten red from Jeongguk's initial attempt at holding back his noises. "D-daddy," Jeongguk whines and watches the way Taehyung's lips turn up at the corner. "Please let me come."

"All you had to do was ask."

Then Taehyung's tossing his phone to the side, focusing all of his attention on Jeongguk and he preens with a happy little noise, body tensing as Taehyung gets between his thighs. Taehyung isn't even naked, still sitting in his sweats and graphic t-shirt that says, I just want all the dogs, and it's so not sexy Jeongguk resents that he's a literal mess on Taehyung's bed while the other just looks so sloppy.

But he's got that attention back on him and Jeongguk doesn't care about anything else right now, focuses only on Taehyung pulling the vibrator out of Jeongguk's ass without warning, lifting until Jeongguk's got his thighs on Taehyung's shoulders and he can hold Jeongguk's cheeks in his hand, dipping his tongue into Jeongguk's abused hole.

"Fuck-" Jeongguk all but sobs, his back arching and pushing his ass further against Taehyung's face. Drunken Taehyung will tell anyone who'll listen that Jeongguk's a God at eating ass but he doesn't think he holds a candle to Taehyung. "So good, Tae- shit- right there-!"

Jeongguk's got tears in his eyes when he's finally getting what he wanted, Taehyung's tongue fucking into his hole rapidly, Taehyung's hands squeezing his ass and gripping his thigh right at the curve of his backside, fitting so nicely that Jeongguk really thinks Taehyung was made to hold his ass. He thinks he says this, babbling something about Taehyung and Taehyung's hands and how close he is, having been kept on edge for so long.

Taehyung's grinding down against the mattress, fucking into Jeongguk with his tongue even harder as Jeongguk cries out again, feels the first tear slip down his cheek.

"D-daddy, the ring," Jeongguk moans, arms tense and sore above his head. "The ring, Tae, you shithead- let me come, fuck-"

Taehyung finally, blessedly, removes the cock ring, and as he shoves a finger into Jeongguk's ass to press against his prostate Jeongguk comes hard untouched, nearly screaming as he finally finds his release and paints his belly white. Taehyung keeps going, licking into Jeongguk's rim until he's shaking, oversensitive and hard again, forcing a second orgasm out of Jeongguk while he shakes and twists in Taehyung’s strong hold. When Taehyung lets his body back onto the bed softly, Jeongguk swears he’s floating.

"Good?" Taehyung asks, kneeling by Jeongguk's shoulders to undo the cuffs. Jeongguk just sags onto the bed, lets his entire body mold into the mattress with a pleased sigh. "My little bitch, always so good to me."

"Fuck off," Jeongguk mutters. But there's no real bite to it, he's biting back a smile at the backwards complement. Taehyung takes a quick minute to rub the kinks out of Jeongguk's shoulders before grabbing Jeongguk's hand for rock paper scissors. Jeongguk loses, but refuses to move to clean himself, so Taehyung lowers his head to Jeongguk's belly and fucking licks the cum clean, reaches his body over Jeongguk's to kiss him, pushing his cum back onto Jeongguk's tongue until Jeongguk shoves him away with a hand on his neck. "Fuck. Why the fuck do we swallow."

"Some of that Freudian nature versus nurture shit."

"That is entirely incorrect." Jeongguk's eyes close sleepily. A long day of basketball practice and getting the life fucked out of him is tiring. "Hyung, you didn't cum so you can fuck my face."

"Uh, actually I'm good."

"Really?" Jeongguk snorts, reaches blindly for Taehyung's thigh and palms at his soft cock, at the wetness staining the front of his sweats. "Never letting you live that down."

"You literally didn't get off with your last hookup unless she put a finger up your ass."

"She was shitty in bed!"

"Whatever. How's your head?"

Jeongguk frowns, blinking up at Taehyung, who's staring at him with an expression Jeongguk can't quite read. "Fine? I'm taking a shower."

"Use the lavender soap, it makes you smell pretty."

"Fuck all the way off, hyung."

Jeongguk does use the lavender soap anyway, uses up all of Taehyung's hot water because he's not afraid to admit he's petty like that. When he leaves the bathroom, only a towel on his wet hair, Taehyung is sitting on his bed flipping through his stack of take out menus.

Taehyung doesn't even look up as Jeongguk rifles through his clothes for something to wear, finds a couple of his shirts he thought his mom had thrown away. "Your parents know you're staying over, right? I ordered chicken and beer."

"Hyung, your apartment isn't even that far from my place."

"I know, but you're a dumbass who left his school books at home. Maybe your mom wants you to come home and get them, or wants this dick. Either or."

Jeongguk dresses in Taehyung's baggiest sweats and hoodie, thanks any deity that will listen that Taehyung remembered to pay his electricity bill this month. "Stay away from my family."

"Sure thing."

Taehyung lies back in bed and smiles when Jeongguk launches himself back into the bed, using Taehyung's arm as a pillow and hooking their legs together. "My ass fucking hurts."

"Well, that's what you get for being a bitch for half an hour. Would have been over much faster if you just said it."

"I resent drunk me for calling you that last year. It was an accident." Jeongguk groans. "It has to have been longer."

"It wasn't." There's that look in Taehyung's eyes again, the evil twinkle Jeongguk can never be sure if he wants to hate or love. "But we can try to break that record next time."

It's fucking freezing outside but the club is warm, too many bodies packed together in such a small area. College students are home for the holidays, making the most of their weeks off before the grind kicks back in. This was Taehyung's "Christmas present" for Jeongguk; going to a club and picking up girls.

Except something's wrong. Jeongguk was a little too tipsy, grinding against a girl somewhere on the dance floor with a boy on his back, sharing kisses between the two and wondering if this would be the first threesome he had without Taehyung, until his tipsy self decides to open his mouth.

Open his mouth and mention how badly he wants to get fucked, too used to it thanks to Taehyung that he asks the girl if he can fuck her in the ass. She looks at him weird, says she'll only agree if she can fuck him after, and Jeongguk fucking agrees.

Which only opens the conversation to more shit, wherein the boy behind Jeongguk is laughing as he sucks a hickey onto Jeongguk's neck while Jeongguk's using a pickup line Taehyung told him about and suddenly-

"Hyung." Jeongguk finds Taehyung at the bar; drinking a fucking martini like the gay fucker he is with a few girls. He stops laughing when Jeongguk runs up in a panic, eyes wide and cheeks flushed. "Hyung, help. I used one of your lines on the wrong gender and now a girl wants me to fist her, what do I do?"

Taehyung laughs like this isn't the worst fucking thing in the world. "Just do it like I taught you."

"No- what the fuck, hyung? Didn't you hear me?"

"I did, need a fucking fisting refresher?"

"No-" Jeongguk can hear the girl calling his name, getting closer to the bar. "Fuckin-" He grabs Taehyung's cheeks in his hands, dragging him into a messy kiss and swallowing Taehyung's noise of surprise. Taehyung catches on- already knew- and slips his hands into the pockets of Jeongguk's jeans, squeezing his ass to drag him closer.

The girl spots them, Jeongguk knows because he has one of his eyes open in the dark of the club, pouting when she sees he's a little tied up in Taehyung's tongue, and thankfully walks away. Jeongguk sighs, breaking the kiss and resting his forehead against the hollow of Taehyung's neck.

"Damn, who taught you to kiss like that?" Taehyung snickers, still squeezing Jeongguk's ass.

"You," Jeongguk says truthfully. Maybe that last shot was a bit of a mistake.

"I'm so fucking good. Wanna dance?"

They came here to find hookups, for Jeongguk to get a little more college hookup exposure before his senior year ends, but of course they end up wrapped around each other on the dance floor. Taehyung keeps him close as they dance, hips flush, scowls a little when he notices the hickey some guy left on Jeongguk's neck and dips his head to make a bigger one on the other side.

And Jeongguk's intoxicated. Partly on the vodka but mostly on Taehyung, grinding his hardening cock against Taehyung's with a little whimper. And this wasn't supposed to happen, the two of them getting off on the disco lights and on each other, but things have a funny way of never working out in Jeongguk's favor.

Taehyung keeps his lips on Jeongguk's neck, listens to every breathy whine that Jeongguk makes, takes note of every time his breathing catches or his pace falters, lets Jeongguk do most of the work because he likes the way Jeongguk looks when he's all worked up, flushed and sweaty and just about to break. When he whines against Taehyung's neck, Taehyung bites at the helix in Jeongguk's ear and Jeongguk's hips stutter as he groans, body tense while he cums.

"Fuck," Jeongguk whispers, the embarrassment catching up with him. Taehyung adores this- the embarrassed color that Jeongguk's cheeks get when they discover a new kink or Jeongguk likes something a lot and doesn't want to admit it. They're in the middle of a fucking club, bodies packed on every side and he just came in his pants like a damn middle school kid. "Taehyung, fuck you."

"Later. Let's get out of here."

"I'll blow you in the car, if you want," Jeongguk murmurs, his body flushed against Taehyung's back as they walk in an attempt to hide the wet spot in his jeans. Really, he just makes it more obvious.

Jeongguk doesn't blow him in the car, only because Taehyung says he wants to fuck Jeongguk when they get back to his apartment. Jeongguk whines the entire ride home, squirming against the feeling of the cum cooling in his boxers, sticky and gross, but he shuts up real quick when Taehyung slips his hand into his pants, palming him until he's hard again, slumped against the window and panting.

Jeongguk's high school graduation comes and it's as much an endeavor as Taehyung's was. Only this time it's Taehyung wearing Jeongguk's cap for the pictures, but they still go out with their families to the same restaurant to eat afterwards, after Taehyung brought a megaphone to scream into to make sure Jeongguk heard him as he crossed the stage for his diploma.

Jeongguk never had as many friends in high school and he opts to nix the graduation party, knows it'll just be awkward making small talk with all the kids he went to school with. Especially with those unfortunate few who heard Taehyung fucking him in various bathrooms over that one year.

Instead, he and Taehyung go back to the water tower. They don't come here as often since Taehyung got his own place, but it's a nice throw back and Taehyung brings beer, and he's absolutely correct in that drinking loses its novelty once Jeongguk's of age.

"Hey, you never said where you're going to college." Taehyung says, tossing his first can off the water tower. He's got his arm around Jeongguk's shoulders because Jeongguk asked for it. He's a little sad about graduating and a lot needy; sue him.

"The main Uni across town. Same one as you."

"Oh nice." Taehyung pauses, and Jeongguk knows that's not all of it.

"What, hyung?"

"It's just." Jeongguk's still in his gown because Taehyung said he looks nice in it. The entire town is in front of them, a pretty skyline that Jeongguk would willingly admit to being gay for, but Jeongguk's staring at the curve of Taehyung's delicate eyelashes. "I'm moving to Seoul, Jeongguk."

"No."

"Guk-"

"No, you can't fucking leave me."

Jeongguk's irrationally mad, he knows he is, but this isn't how it's supposed to go. He hadn't even been scared this time around because he thought he'd have Taehyung at his side. Jeongguk shakes off Taehyung's arm, moves farther away on the tower and draws his knees up to his chest, looking away from Taehyung.

"Don't do this, Jeongguk." Taehyung says, following to stay at Jeongguk's side. "Please, babe. Jeon. It was hard enough applying to school out there."

"So, why do it?" Jeongguk bites, tucks his face against his knees because if he looks at Taehyung now he might do something stupid. "What happened to getting run out of town by pitchforks?"

"Gukie, please." Taehyung's fingers are in his hair and Jeongguk kind of wants to scream. "It's a better school, you could apply there and come with me."

"Can't," he mutters. "Can't afford it."

"Right." In that moment Taehyung gives up on subtlety, throws his arms around Jeongguk's frame and rests his forehead on Jeongguk's neck. "There's a department store opening nearby my school. Well, not really, but I know someone who's gonna be working there and he said he'd put in a good word for me. Better salary, so I can keep buying your ass all the chicken you can eat."

"Can't buy me chicken when you live on the other side of the country."

"Bet? They take delivery orders over the phone, Jeon."

Jeongguk sighs, his entire body tensing before he gives up and tucks his body into the curve of Taehyung's. "What am I supposed to do without you?"

"Suck some pretty girl's fingers. I know you prefer mine, but they'll have to do." Jeongguk can feel Taehyung's smile on his forehead when he chuckles. "I'll come visit on any break I have, remind you who's dick is best. We can FaceTime every day, it'll be fine, Guk."

"Making it gay, Tae."

"We're a little past gay, babe."

"Yeah," Jeongguk sighs, feels Taehyung press a feather light kiss to the top of his head. "When do you leave?" He still isn't happy about this; probably won't ever be and is more than ready to lock himself in his bedroom with Taehyung's When the Dick Ain't Good :( playlist, but when Taehyung makes up his mind there's no talking him out of anything.

"Four weeks."

Jeongguk spends every day at Taehyung's place in those four weeks, making the most of Taehyung's dick and Taehyung's new goldfish- which he demands Jeongguk keep- and getting himself ready for university while resolutely refusing to help Taehyung pack up his apartment. Sometimes he's the one who orders the chicken and beer, both of them drinking a little too much and looking through an old yearbook with laughter that doesn't quite hit the mark.

He drives Taehyung to the train station the morning he has to leave, ass sore from how many times Taehyung fucked him the night before. He didn't even call Jeongguk a slut, kept it a little too vanilla and gay for both of them, but they'd stayed up most of the night tangled in the sheets and Jeongguk's not feeling any better, but at least Taehyung's leaving with a bang.

"Call me when you get to Seoul," Jeongguk mutters, finger curled into Taehyung's belt loop as they stand by the train. There are only a few minutes before it's set to leave.

"Will do, princess." Taehyung straightens his collar, tries to hide his excitement for Jeongguk's sake but it's okay. Jeongguk likes the color of excitement on Taehyung's cheeks. "Make friends, okay? If you drunk call me more than once whining about being lonely I'm gonna pay people to hang out with you."

Jeongguk deadpans, "Your faith in me is astounding."

"And if you need anything, Jeon, anything at all, you know where I live."

Taehyung doesn't kiss him but he does nuzzle Jeongguk's cheek, nips at Jeongguk's ear in farewell- not a goodbye, Taehyung had insisted- and Jeongguk stands on the platform as Taehyung finds his seat. He stands on the platform as the train pulls away, Taehyung making an ugly face against the glass, and Jeongguk's never wanted to get out of town more.

Jeongguk's first year of university is as stupid as he anticipates it to be. Without Taehyung around he throws himself into the experience- not into the studies and schoolwork but into the parties and drinking, staying over at fraternities more than his own house and waking up with girls he can't recognize draped on various parts of his body.

He likes the mornings he wakes up in boy's beds better because boys aren't as weird about spooning Jeongguk afterwards- well, except for the ones trying to convince Jeongguk they're not gay. He doesn't care; he just wants his dick touched.

Taehyung makes good on his promise to FaceTime often and come back on weekends and holidays but it's just not the same when Jeongguk can't hop on a subway and get to Taehyung's apartment when he's in the mood for a submissive snuggle. Jeongguk tells about each of his successful hookups and watches the way Taehyung’s face lights up, proud and beautiful. Taehyung tells him about the girl he met and a few weeks later he's bringing her home to Jeongguk to introduce her as his girlfriend, so they stop having sex whenever Taehyung comes back to visit. It's okay, though. Jeongguk found a regular FWB at the university who'll choke him when he's topping.

"Hyung," Jeongguk calls Taehyung in the middle of the night one week, sneaking out of a frat house because he's not in the mood to wake up and clean a house he doesn't even live in. He woke Taehyung up, his eyes puffy and red from lack of sleep, but Taehyung looks so excited to see his face that Jeongguk doesn't feel bad.

"What's up, Gukie?"

"Remember that weird thing I yelled at you for doing in bed that one night?" Taehyung hums in remembrance. "They fucking hated it. You've literally ruined my entire life. I can't do half the shit I like with other people, why even try when I have you?"

Taehyung grins sleepily. "That was my plan all along, Guk." Someone makes a confused noise on Taehyung's end, and he shushes his girlfriend quietly. Love and adoration look especially beautiful on Taehyung. "You won't find anyone like me, Jeon. But kudos for trying."

"My life is over."

"Good."

"Hey, go to sleep," Jeongguk says, walking through town in the dark quiet. Taehyung's trailed off on his last three stories, his eyes drooping, and he moans unhappily at the thought of saying goodbye. "It's fine, hyung, really. Call me when you wake up, yeah?"

"'Kay. Love you, princess."

"Don't make it homo."

Taehyung snorts softly, and falls asleep before Jeongguk can end the call.

His second year of university is harder than the first, or so Jeongguk assumes when he's skipping half of his classes and passing on sheer luck and the influence of weed. He'd spent his entire summer in Seoul with Taehyung, staying in the spare room in the apartment because Taehyung's girlfriend had moved in. Taehyung doesn't have a roommate at the moment, but he makes just enough at the jewelry counter of the department store to cover the rent.

Taehyung doesn't really show him around Seoul, the two of them playing video games on the couch instead. His girlfriend interns at a music company, coupled with her studies, and is only really home in the mornings and evenings. She's pretty, and Jeongguk can see how far and fast Taehyung's falling.

"Never thought you'd be the first to get a girlfriend, hyung," Jeongguk says honestly after a couple of beers and hours of playing Overwatch with Taehyung. "Honestly. You're so fucking gay for everything."

"You should try it," Taehyung shrugs. "Relationships aren't really that bad. We've been together almost a year and it's been pretty awesome."

"Don't miss hookups?" Jeongguk asks. They both can hear the unspoken question; do you miss me?

Taehyung admits, "Sometimes. But there's something cool about stability, y'know? Not kidding, Jeon. Let me know if you snag yourself a cutie."

Jeongguk takes Taehyung's advice that year by accident. He hooks up with the same girl at a few parties, gets used to her presence in his bed and even starts meeting her for dinner or coffee. He cuts back on the number of strangers, stays at Eunhye's side at parties and lets her drag his arm around her shoulders, smiles against her mouth when she leads him into an empty bathroom with a hand curled into his waistband.

Then, one morning she sits up in Jeongguk's bed and straddles his thighs, shivers a little beneath his palms on her slender waist. His shirt from the night before hangs off her collarbones when she asks, "Are we dating?"

Jeongguk pauses. He hadn't considered it. "I don't know. We could try, if that's something you want?"

"I think I'd like that."

"Cool."

(Taehyung smiles so widely when Jeongguk breaks the news, waiting until things are a little more official and Taehyung's visiting from Seoul to reveal everything. Taehyung insists on buying Jeongguk's drinks that night, slaps him a little too hard on the back in congratulations and maybe kisses his ear one too many times, but neither of them mention that last bit.)

It's good, Jeongguk thinks, to have a girl by his side. Eunhye is sweet and she's shorter than him, a nice contrast from Taehyung, he thinks. She fits into his life in a way he hadn't expected, the honeymoon period lasting for quite a while. They do fight a little when Jeongguk brings her home to meet his parents, but it's over something stupid and Jeongguk makes up for it with shower sex at her place.

Maybe that was a warning sign, making up for everything with sex, but Jeongguk tries not to think about it too much.

During the holidays, Eunhye puts a pause on their relationship to go home for break. "You can see other people while I'm gone," she says, buttoning her shirt while Jeongguk lazes in her bed in the dorm room. "My ex will be in town so I might suck his dick, just a fair warning."

"Okay."

Jeongguk doesn't have much to do during the break, spends his time divided between his part time job at a mechanic shop and sleeping. Taehyung doesn't call much, and when Jeongguk asks his parents they say he didn't mention coming back to Busan this time. Jeongguk calls every day, several times, and each time Taehyung doesn't answer he feels something weird tighten in the pit of his stomach.

Until one day Jeongguk's scrolling through his phone on his bed, his parents gone for the day, and Taehyung comes barging into Jeongguk's room with red eyes and a very obvious lack of baggage.

"Tae?" Jeongguk says, unnecessarily. He drops his phone, watches the way Taehyung kicks off his shoes and climbs into bed with Jeongguk. "You're here? Your parents said-"

Taehyung shuts him up with an aggressive kiss, plants his weight right on Jeongguk's lap, and doesn't give Jeongguk a chance to breathe or post a question as he kisses harshly, licking into Jeongguk's mouth and tilting his head with a hand in his hair.

When he breaks away, there are new tears in his eyes and Jeongguk learns what heartbreak looks like. "She was cheating on me," he whispers against Jeongguk's lips, his voice breaking. "The entire fucking time. You know I bought her expensive ass panties at the department store? She wore those with him, never once used them with me. I found them fucking on our bed, Jeon."

"Tae," Jeongguk's voice breaks, too, because he really fucking hates the way sadness looks dulling the usual twinkle of Taehyung's eyes. "I'm so sorry, Taehyung-"

"I know." Taehyung kisses him again, grinds down against Jeongguk's lap. "Come on, please, man."

"I don't know if it's a good idea," Jeongguk says truthfully.

"I don't fucking care. I need to feel something again."

Jeongguk curses his vice and complies, tilting Taehyung's chin up to kiss him slowly. Taehyung doesn't appreciate it, tries to take control of the kiss and grind harshly onto Jeongguk's dick but Jeongguk's started going to the gym a lot more in university, and he fits his hands against Taehyung's thighs and keeps him still.

Taehyung makes an unhappy noise into the kiss. Briefly, they break apart when Jeongguk flips their positions, hovering over Taehyung's body and kissing lightly at his neck. He takes his time to undo the buttons on Taehyung's flannel, presses kisses into every inch of skin and ignores the way Taehyung curses at him to go faster. Jeongguk doesn't listen, removes Taehyung's clothes with slow, steady hands.

"Missed you, hyung," Jeongguk whispers as he's sucking a hickey onto Taehyung's hip.

"You, too. Now can you hurry the hell up and fuck me?"

Jeongguk doesn't get all of his clothes off before he's slicking up his fingers, letting the lube warm because he's a nice partner, even when Taehyung's threatening to chop his dick off if he doesn't move faster. He kisses Taehyung through one and two fingers, moves his lips to Taehyung's neck when he brushes against the other's prostate and Taehyung whines loudly.

When Jeongguk pushes inside, Taehyung's legs hiked around his waist, Taehyung draws his nails harshly down Jeongguk's back, the sting making him hiss. "Fuck me like you mean it, Jeon."

Jeongguk takes it slow, thrusts into Taehyung's shaking body with even, deep movements. Taehyung curses his entire family to hell while Jeongguk's trailing his lips all along Taehyung's chest, kissing away the tears that have nothing to do with the sex. The threats don't work, Taehyung finally realizes, and it's with a broken little sob that Taehyung curls his arms around Jeongguk's shoulders and holds him close as Jeongguk fucks into him, whispering words of praise he knows work well for him.

"It's okay, angel," Jeongguk murmurs into Taehyung's ear, earning a whimper and another moan of his name. Taehyung clenches around his cock, bare because Taehyung insisted and they've never gone without a condom with anyone else, and Jeongguk chokes back a groan.

"Jeongguk-" Taehyung's words cut off when Jeongguk reaches down to jerk him off gently, still thrusting too slow into his ass, wet with lube until Taehyung comes, shaking apart in Jeongguk's arms and face tucked into Jeongguk's neck.

He's quick to follow, coming deep in Taehyung's ass while whispering, "Good boy, Taehyung. My angel. It's okay, fall apart for me."

Taehyung stays hidden in Jeongguk's chest even after Jeongguk has pulled out, doesn't open his eyes when Jeongguk gets the cum out of his ass and sacrifices his sheets for the greater good. There are still tears shining on Taehyung's cheeks but no fresh ones. Jeongguk considers that to be a victory.

Jeongguk pulls a sweatshirt over Taehyung's pliant frame and lies at Taehyung's side, stroking his hand along Taehyung's smooth skin.

"Thanks." Taehyung whispers, after a few long minutes.

"Don't mention it, angel."

A tiny quirk of Taehyung's lips. "Ugh."

"How did I not know you liked to be called that?"

"Same way we didn't know you liked my fist up your ass until last year."

Jeongguk smiles. "Got me there."

Taehyung's eyes snap open, and he scrambles to grab Jeongguk's hand. "Fuck, Jeon- Eunhye. You're still with her, right? Fuck, I'm as bad as my ex-"

"Relax." Jeongguk urges him back into bed with gentle hands on his shoulders. "We're on a break while she's visiting family in Ilsan. Mentioned she'd probably be sucking her old boyfriend’s dick. You're nothing like your ex."

"Oh." Taehyung doesn't look very relieved, but curls his fingers between Jeongguk's on his belly nonetheless. "That's kinda shitty, the break so she can hookup with someone else thing."

Jeongguk shrugs, and Taehyung seems to give up on the idea of conversation, turns onto his side and leaves room for Jeongguk to curve his chest against Taehyung's back, holding him extra tight. It's still early, the sun bleeding through the curtains at Jeongguk's window, but neither of them makes a move for the remote nor entertains the idea of leaving bed today.

"Do your parents know you're home?" Taehyung shakes his head. "You wanna stay the night?" This time he nods. "Cool. Mom'll make you chocolate chip pancakes if you ask real nicely."

"Jeongguk."

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

Taehyung goes back to Seoul the next afternoon and Jeongguk's routine returns to normal. Eunhye kisses him when he mentions hooking up with Taehyung, says that she ended up fucking her ex in the backseat of his car anyway, and then they both get high in the middle of the frat party and go back to solving petty squabbles with too much sex.

It's in the second half of Jeongguk's third year in university when things begin to change. The signs were always there, but Jeongguk refused to see them. Eunhye starts going through his phone, starts complaining every time Jeongguk calls Taehyung that he starts cutting back on the number of times he calls each week. She follows him home, accuses him of cheating on her with his damn mother and taps at his window one night with a picture of him that she'd taken while he was asleep one night they didn't spend together.

Jeongguk breaks it off after a month of the creepy stalker activity. He'd confronted her about it and she'd laughed, said she'd bagged such a hot catch she wanted to make sure he never got away. For a while, things went back to normal, but then Eunhye starts talking about marriage. Says they'll be together until the day they die and announces that she's already picked the church for them to be married in. She won't leave his side, clutching his arm in the hallways and skipping her classes to come with Jeongguk to his.

He tries to make it work for those few weeks, thinks that this might just be a normal part of relationships because that's what Eunhye tells him. Jeongguk's never been in love before, thinks he might be feeling it now with their fifteen month anniversary coming up, but then he catches Eunhye deleting Taehyung's texts from his phone before Jeongguk can read them, the layer of increasing concern in each of Taehyung's messages providing the clarity Jeongguk needed.

Maybe he was in love, or close to it at one point, but that all goes to shit the day Eunhye screams at him in the subway station for returning a dropped wallet to the girl walking in front of them. Jeongguk looks at her face, bright red, as she screams at him with her fingers clutching his wrist while she screeches, "you're mine! my boyfriend! you'll be my husband soon! you don't get to keep talking to all of these other girls!" And he tells her it's over in front of the small crowd of people pretending not to watch the scene.

Except it doesn't end there. Eunhye pretends the exchange never happened and sits herself on Jeongguk's lap at the next party he goes to. Insists she's still his girlfriend, says she would never do anything to lose a guy so good in the sack. Slaps at his arms and chest when he not so gently reminds her that he dumped her ass.

Taehyung's advice is to fucking arrest her and Jeongguk's parents are extra worried when she hides in the bushes in front of Jeongguk's house three nights in a row. She breaks the restraining order that Jeongguk manages to get. One afternoon she's in the damn car when Jeongguk goes to drive to the market.

And he's had enough.

Jeongguk swears off relationships one brutally hot afternoon, his phone ringing on his bed. It's not Taehyung because Taehyung's in class, which means it's a new number Eunhye got to keep calling him. He packs as much as will fit in his duffel bag, throwing some clothes and money and necessities inside and he doesn't tell his parents when he takes the subway to the train station, a cap and mask on to hide.

He swears he can see Eunhye in the shadows, walking on the other side of the sidewalk, or sitting in one of the subway cars but Jeongguk doesn't hear from her. He gets on the train alone. He throws his phone out the window alone and Jeongguk arrives in Seoul fucking alone.

Taehyung doesn't look surprised when Jeongguk knocks on his door, only pulls Jeongguk into a tight hug and lets Jeongguk cry out his frustration curled up at his side on the couch.

(Taehyung does call Jeongguk's parents, though. Calls to let them know that Jeongguk's alright, but that he probably won't be coming home anytime soon. Jeongguk's parents thank him and offer to send some money to help both boys out but Taehyung takes one look at Jeongguk, wrapped up in a blanket after falling asleep on the couch, looking small and more than a little lost, and politely denies the offer. He sleeps curled around Jeongguk's back that night and they stay that way for most of the next day.)

"I found an apartment, hyung. Kinda across town."

"Oh?" Taehyung's sitting upside down on the couch, eating cereal that expired three days ago because he's too fucking lazy to buy more. "Thought you'd given up and just moved in. We haven't tried being roommates before this year."

Jeongguk frowns, staring at the apartment listing in the newspaper. It's not the nicest place but it has potential, and if he gets a roommate then he can start paying Taehyung back for everything. "Has it been a year? Fuck, Tae, I'm so sorry. I said I'd be out of your hair after a week."

Taehyung stands and dumps his cereal in the sink, circling the tiny island in the kitchen to sit at Jeongguk's side. He doesn't look very happy, a look on his face that Jeongguk can't decipher. "You're not a fucking bother, Jeon. You know that. You dealt with shit and needed an out. I told you, you're welcome here for anything. Anytime."

"I know." Jeongguk leans into the arm Taehyung wraps around his shoulders. Kind of wants to get on his knees right then and there because he's feeling more than a little sentimental. Not that he'd ever let Taehyung know that. "Thank you."

Taehyung takes Jeongguk's latest helix- recently healed; Taehyung had thrown such a whiny fit when Jeongguk came home with a new piercing because he had to back off Jeongguk's ear, but that only meant Jeongguk's neck and collarbones had suffered instead- between his teeth and nibbles on Jeongguk's lobe and he's seriously considering letting Taehyung fuck him on the island again. "You don't have to keep thanking me, Gukie."

Jeongguk knows that, of course. But since he left Busan he's been working odd jobs and spending too much time on Taehyung's couch. He felt like he owed something to Taehyung. "I'll let you use the beads tonight."

"Quit acting like you're making up for something," Taehyung scolds. He stands then, and Jeongguk immediately misses the heat of Taehyung's body against his. He disappears into his bedroom for a few long moments- Jeongguk had unpacked in the guest room before they both promptly gave up on the idea of separation- and when he returns he's dressed in his sort of formal wear for work. "Did you decide whether or not you're gonna go back to school?"

Ugh. Taehyung must have been talking to Jeongguk's mom. Again. "Dunno, hyung. The universities here are a little out of my budget." Or whatever budget Jeongguk had on a delivery boy's salary, when Taehyung was the one buying the food and most of Jeongguk's shirts, recently bought him fucking Tiffany earrings when Jeongguk had accidentally called him daddy again. (It was becoming much less of an accident lately.)

"I can put in a good word for you at the department store."

Jeongguk scoffs, reaching for an Oreo on from the jar. One thing he hadn't protested Taehyung paying for was a gym membership. "The day I work retail for some capitalism dick sucker is the day I lay myself in the ground to rot."

"Damn, son. You seem to forget it's the department store that keeps you looking so pretty."

Jeongguk flushes furiously and tucks the Graff necklace around his neck beneath his t-shirt. Or it's Taehyung's shirt. Neither of them knows anymore. The first time Taehyung had brought home an expensive piece of jewelry home for Jeongguk he had protested for days, said it was fucking pointless to spend that much on a few stones, but then Taehyung said it was a reward for letting him fuck Jeongguk on the balcony the night before, which had only opened a can of worms and awakened the stupid praise thing that Jeongguk had forgotten about while he was with her.

"Shut up."

"Want to grill meat tonight for dinner?" Taehyung loops his tie in the reflection of the toaster. Jeongguk swallows thickly, never quite used to the sight of Taehyung fixing himself up for his job. "We can go to that good place in Gangnam."

"Gangnam? Are you trying to go into debt?"

"Fuck off, you're worth it." Jeongguk holds up the t-money card Taehyung's looking for. "Whatever. Be good, baby boy. I'm closing tonight so if you get hungry before dinner go ahead and order something."

Taehyung drops a quick kiss to Jeongguk's ear. Why couldn't Taehyung just choose forehead or cheek kisses? It would be so much easier on Jeongguk. He drops his eyes back to the newspaper, reads about job openings because he honestly might drive himself into Han River if he has to spend another week at his dead end job. Jeongguk can hear Taehyung packing up his things by the door, says a quick, "Thanks, daddy," and flips the newspaper.

Taehyung goes silent. "Did you just-?"

"No," Jeongguk spits, knows quite well that he did. God, fuck that was the one thing Jeongguk was winning at. His cheeks are hot and his teeth hurt from how hard he's clenching his jaw. "No, fuck you, go have fun licking hairy ball sacks for cash."

But Taehyung's smiling by the front door, looking so unbelievably fond. "I'll see you later, Jeonny boy."

"Fuck all the way off."

Jeongguk starts packing up his things a few days later, having secured the apartment across town. Taehyung complains the entire time, says he doesn't like the idea of having to take a subway to get to Jeongguk when he's hard and bored, but Jeongguk doesn't budge on his decision. He's irrational and doesn't think everything through- his decision to leave Busan and drop out of school were perfect examples- but he sees things through. Taehyung's been taking care of him for too long. Now, Jeongguk could give something back.

Hell, Taehyung hadn't even let Jeongguk help pay the rent.

Taehyung helps Jeongguk move his meager belongings to his new place and promptly frowns at the interior design. The owners had left their furniture and Jeongguk had been glad he wouldn't have to buy something to sit on, ("No, hyung, your dick can not be my only chair in this place") but Taehyung was obviously displeased. Even if he didn't say it, the fact that Taehyung disappears that afternoon and comes back directing some workers on where to place a new leather couch is more than enough evidence.

He does end up going back to school at the start of the next semester, at a campus that was actually closer to Taehyung's place, only because he gets a job that pays a little better. Still not anywhere near Taehyung's salary, so Taehyung's still buying most of their meals, but Jeongguk's learning not to feel bad every time Taehyung tells him that if he protests an expensive meal again he'll be spanked right there in the middle of the restaurant.

Taehyung has not been quiet about his happiness at having Jeongguk so close again, if their week spent together in bed last year was anything to go from. Taehyung's no less wild than Jeongguk remembers, goes and actually buys a damn whip one afternoon and Jeongguk lets him use it and that night was the first time Taehyung explicitly ordered Jeongguk to cum.

Since then Jeongguk's starting to notice something as the year moves on and Jeongguk's college graduation approaches. It's that Jeongguk can't seem to cum with someone who isn't Taehyung. It makes hookups incredibly inconvenient, and Jeongguk's had to sneak out of someone's room more than once to call Taehyung in the middle of the night to ask for permission. The daddy thing slips in too much until Jeongguk barely realizes it anymore. He tries to tamper it down when Taehyung declares that he will, one day, get Jeongguk to call him that while they're out in public.

Taehyung has always been so good at riling Jeongguk up and that doesn't change at all with their new location. Jeongguk lets Taehyung dress him up in a fancy suit one night during the holidays and fuck his mouth so roughly that he's crying and drooling, trying his best not to come in his slacks because, "Daddy spent a lot to make you look so nice, baby. I'm going to be very upset if you ruin your pretty suit."

It's Taehyung that sneaks a picture of Jeongguk while he's sucking Taehyung's dick- Taehyung has such a thing for Jeongguk's eyes when he's sucking him off. Even if he never says it outright, Jeongguk can see that he gets a little more desperate on those nights, fucks Jeongguk that much harder- but it's Jeongguk who shyly brings Taehyung into his bedroom one afternoon to show him the amateur tripod he set up, asking in a whisper if they can use it while Taehyung looks so damn excited like he's about to bust a nut right then and there.

When Taehyung goes to visit his family in Busan, Jeongguk tries to find relief in clubs and at the fraternities on his campus, but he still ends up calling Taehyung to cum. That is, until about three days before Taehyung's to get back, Jeongguk standing in the bathroom of a pretty mediocre fuck and saying,

"Hyung, tell me I can cum."

It sounds like he'd woken Taehyung up, a tired and quiet groan serving as Taehyung's greeting. "You know what? No. I'm home in a couple days, you can wait until then for daddy's cock."

Jeongguk whines, staring down at his hard and leaking cock. "Tae- please."

"Good night, Gukie."

But not even all of the dick pics Jeongguk sends or the voice messages of him begging get Taehyung to change his mind. And though Jeongguk's so fucking tempted he holds himself back until Taehyung shows up at his apartment three days later with a pleasant greeting.

"You fucking asswipe, take your pants off," is how Jeongguk greets him.

They don't even make it into the apartment for the first round. Don't even get to the bedroom until Jeongguk's already cum three times.

Jeongguk's family comes up to Seoul for his graduation and Jeongguk Does Not Cry, thank you very much. There's grass in his eye and that's why he can't lift his head up from his mother's shoulder. It's been so long, and that night Taehyung fucks Jeongguk slow and deep, half a chocolate cake and a couple expensive bottles of Soju on the coffee table next to them.

"You need a better job," Taehyung says some time later.

"Easy for you to say, jewelry boy."

Taehyung snorts and plays with the diamond sitting nicely in Jeongguk's tragus. "Jimin called me your sugar daddy today."

Jeongguk scowls at the TV. This Cupcake Wars episode hadn't had nearly enough small kitchen fires. "Why the fuck's this Jimin dude know about me? Isn't he the guy who's left half the store unsatisfied?"

"Hm. He was enough for me."

"That's 'cause you're easy."

"You'd know."

Jeongguk contemplates asking to go out to a BBQ place, make Taehyung drive around to find a twenty-four hour place just because he knows Taehyung would do it for him. "I'm getting a roommate."

"What the fuck?" Taehyung looks at him, fingers stilling on his ear. "Why?"

"To help with rent? What the fuck's it matter to you."

"I can't fuck you on the floor when you've got a roommate!"

Jeongguk just sighs. "I met this guy in uni. He's almost as sexually active as me, unfortunately. I might walk in on him doing it on the floor."

"You should join. Then call me so I can give you pointers on your form." With an embarrassed squeak, Jeongguk shoves Taehyung off of the couch and pouts as Taehyung just laughs, unperturbed. Taehyung sits back on the floor, his long hair flopping into his eyes. He needed a haircut, but Jeongguk really like the fluffy look to Taehyung's hair. "Okay, game plan. Your place is for the vanilla bed sex. Mine's where the kinky shit happens."

"Permission to kink shame."

"Denied. Think of my salad."

"Ugh. Whatever. Can we order another pizza?"

They do, and the fucking three pizzas that Taehyung orders arrive a few minutes later. Taehyung sits behind him on the couch, legs spread wide to accommodate Jeongguk's body between them. He can hear Taehyung chewing in his ear and it's pretty fucking gross, if he's being honest, but that doesn't stop Jeongguk from feeding him bites from his own pizza, until,

"What do you say?"

Jeongguk frowns, looking away from the movie. "What?"

"Daddy bought you this pizza, what do you say?"

"Hyung, don't-" Jeongguk sighs, but Taehyung's not even looking at him like he expects anything. He's smiling softly and Jeongguk's squirming a little in his lap and honestly Jeongguk regrets everything about his life. "Thank you daddy for this meal so that I am not to go hungry and wither away from lack of nutrients while starving."

Taehyung laughs, nuzzling at Jeongguk's ear. "We'll work on it."

And Jeongguk's favorite nights are the ones where Taehyung fucks him hard and fast, takes Jeongguk over his knee when he's being a little too mouthy, makes Jeongguk thank him for every spank against his sore ass while Jeongguk's sobbing into the sheets. Taehyung slowly gets Jeongguk to thank him for every spank and every slap, each finger he gets, babbling when he gets to come and blinking through tears when Taehyung comes on his face. Or when Taehyung's calling him the filthiest things they can think of, denying Jeongguk his release until he admits that he's a slut for Taehyung.

Taehyung likes those nights too, but he likes it even more when he goads Jeongguk, when he gets Jeongguk to top and hold him down onto the bed with whispers of, “Yeah, baby boy. Gonna fuck me so well? Love your cock in me.” Jeongguk always prefers to bottom- still so fucking lazy- but he has to say he does like the way Taehyung’s eyes close in pleasure when he falls apart on Jeongguk’s cock.

(“Your neighbors must hate us,” Jeongguk says after a particularly rough night. He doesn’t think the headboard stopped banging against the wall once.

“They do. Real old folks. They would probably die if they tried to have sex. Filed a few complaints already.”

“Please don’t talk about old people sex.”

“Your neighbor high-fives me every morning I leave.”

Jeongguk scowls, suddenly hating the university student living across the hall from him. “Fuck both of you.”)

Taehyung especially likes dragging Jeongguk into the shower afterwards just a little bit more. Running a bath when Jeongguk's legs are a little too shaky, rubbing oils into Jeongguk's tired back and shoulders while Jeongguk tries to fight him off with weak protests but eventually gives in and lets Taehyung glide his hands over each of the stress points on his body. He's kept up with the lavender soap and the scent is so familiar that Jeongguk blows Taehyung right there in the bath.

One day Jeongguk's protests fall a little flat and he's melting against Taehyung's chest in the bath and suddenly Taehyung's hands freeze from where they've been massaging shampoo into Jeongguk's hair. "You little bastard, you're enjoying this aren't you?"

Jeongguk squirms, mumbles, "Isn't that the point?"

Which only earns him a whole cuddling session while Taehyung pinches at his cheeks and coos that, "My baby boy is so cute," and Jeongguk kind of wants to die but he also really might like it.

And then there are the nights they spend at each other's apartments, the nights when Taehyung nips at Jeongguk's ear until he wakes up at an ungodly hour just because Taehyung is hard. And Jeongguk's so stupidly pliant when he's sleepy, agrees to let Taehyung do things that wide awake Jeongguk would think twice about, sleepy hand jobs without opening their eyes just because it feels good. When Jeongguk tries to mumble half-hearted complaints about falling back asleep with cum cooling on his belly, Taehyung just laughs and says he would have woken him up with dick pics, anyway.

Jeongguk tries to withhold sex for a week after a girl turned him down in the club thanks to Taehyung, who'd walked right up to his side to kiss him loud and messy. Taehyung had protested and cited drunkenness, but Jeongguk wasn't hearing it because she had been hot and if her super expensive earrings, (the same fucking Givenchy ones in the catalogue that Jeongguk secretly wants and refuses to mention to Taehyung,) are anything to go by, he could have gotten them some nicer handcuffs.

(Jeongguk's the one who breaks first, walking to Taehyung's apartment with his head held down because he hadn't even made it three days before he was coming back for sex. Taehyung can read it on his face the second he shows up, doesn't say a word but smirks that stupid smirk that makes Jeongguk hot all over.)

On one summer afternoon, Jeongguk heads over to Taehyung's with no intention of sex. Doesn't mean that things will stay that way for very long, he has very weak resolve when it comes to Taehyung, but his intentions are good.

They're sharing chicken on the floor of Taehyung's kitchen, too lazy to move to the living room or grab chopsticks, and Jeongguk waits until he's had a few shots of Soju to say,

"Is that department store offer still on the table?"

Taehyung's face lights up and he drops a wet, messy kiss right onto Jeongguk's mouth. Climbs into Jeongguk's lap and starts working at the waistband of his jeans without a word. "You're adorable and also in luck. Position just opened up in the jewelry department." Taehyung nudges Jeongguk to sit back as he settles himself between Jeongguk's thighs, tugging his half hard cock out of his jeans and toward his lips. "I'll call Namjoon as soon as we're done here, baby."

"And these are the Armani suits I'll fuck you in one day."

"Hyung."

"This is the bathroom section, no those soaps shaped like candy are not candy. Don't ask, but I've cleaned up after one too many children trying to eat them."

Taehyung was giving Jeongguk a tour of the department store on his first day, his hair styled with gel for the first time in maybe ten years and one of Taehyung's old suits fitting poorly on his frame. But he didn't have enough money yet to buy his own.

"Shouldn't you be showing me our station, Tae?"

"It's easy as shit. Overpriced diamonds and cougars who want to pick you up while looking at them."

"You've bought me some of those diamonds."

"Quit calling me a cougar." Taehyung leads him further into the store, pointing out the kitchen supplies and bedroom section. Tells Jeongguk there's a bed in the back that's just outside the view of the cam, and if they time it right there won't be anyone nearby for a quick fuck. "This is the break room where I'll give you hand jobs whenever we get a third guy. Or blowjobs if I'm feeling particularly freaky."

"Which is always, you freak."

"I do not recall giving you a free Kink Shame card." Taehyung points to his right. "Men's department. Namjoon will suggest you buy a suit from here, which I'd actually recommend, too. Employee discount and all that jazz. I'll buy your first one since mine actually looks bad on you. Who'd ever imagine that something would look bad on the sexiest man alive?"

Jeongguk flushes and bites back the word that was about to follow his quiet, "Thanks."

"Woman's department. Teenage department because Namjoon's a closet emo. Elevators. Not a good place to get it on but the bathroom at the end of the hall doesn't have a camera." Taehyung gestures around Jeongguk. "Lingerie department where I'll be buying you panties for your birthday."

Jeongguk shoves Taehyung into a display and watches in horror as a ton of pretty panties flutter slowly to the ground. A pretty woman doesn't even look up from her register, "Quit breaking things, Taehyung!"

"I'll clean it up, Y/N!" Taehyung calls over his shoulder as he wraps a hand around Jeongguk's wrist and leads him away. "I never do. She's got like, three underlings to clean everything up. Why do we even need that many girls working with panties."

"She's hot."

"Who?"

"Uh, Y/N?"

"Oh. Park Jimin says she's good in bed."

"Why do you keep mentioning him? Gonna leave me for him?"

Taehyung snorts. "Please. Your broke ass would be lost without everything that I do for it."

"Speaking of," Jeongguk mutters. "I'm still sore from the fucking beads. I hate those things."

"Literally not what you were saying last night, but sure. You slut."

Jeongguk looks around frantically, but luckily there were no customers around. "Not at work, hyung. Please."

"Maybe. Anyway this is our counter, the stupid watches that literally never show the correct time. Uh, bracelets, necklaces, earrings, rings. Some customers like when you model the stuff so I hope you've moisturized your ankles."

"I hate you."

Taehyung's grinning. "Namjoon will explain more to you. Just don't break anything or let anything get stolen and you'll be fine."

Across the room, Jeongguk looks up and makes eye contact with a pretty girl standing behind the counter at the women's department, folding some dresses for a customer. She tucks a piece of hair behind her ear and looks away shyly, only to look back up and over Jeongguk's entire body.

"I think I'll be just fine here."

Taehyung makes a gagging noise, kneels down to unlock a display case lined with big necklaces and earrings to pull out one of the three fucking tiaras that lay there. "Put this on."

"What the fuck. No."

"Please, baby boy? For me?"

Jeongguk puts the tiara on with a sigh, lets Taehyung put a few rings on him and a necklace to complete the look. "Why am I doing this?"

Taehyung doesn't answer for the longest moment, then he sighs longingly and leans against the counter. "I was right, that is something I like to see. One day I'm gonna fuck you like the royalty that you are."

Flushing passionately, Jeongguk all but rips each piece of jewelry off. The last thing either of them need is for Taehyung to get turned on during Jeongguk's first day. "Shut up."

A woman walks by as Jeongguk's trying to get each of the ill fitting rings off his fingers and asks about them. She stares at Jeongguk's face instead of the rings as Jeongguk's reciting all of the fucking bullshit from the cheat sheet Taehyung had given him and smiles brightly when she decides to buy the ring Jeongguk was modeling on his pinky.

Taehyung shows him how to ring up sales, mark them, and properly close the sale. He claps Jeongguk on the shoulder, takes one too hasty look around and kisses Jeongguk's ear. "I think you'll be just fine here."

"I don't like Namjoon."

"You're not the only one."

"Fuckin' capitalist dick sucking know it all-"

Taehyung pushes the beer bottle closer to Jeongguk's mouth. "Shut up and drink, Socrates."

"Ugh."

But Jeongguk likes working at the department store. There's more places than either of them had expected to fuck or get some quick hand jobs in when they can risk being away from the counter at the same time. Jeongguk meets Park Jimin and is woefully underwhelmed. He hooks up with the pretty girl from the women's section and the rumors spread quickly.

They go out for company lunches or more low-key endeavors with just a few people, Taehyung's foot on Jeongguk's crotch while Jeongguk tries very hard not to call him daddy in the middle of the restaurant and hold onto his wits- he refuses to walk out of there with wet slacks.

Jeongguk hooks up with Jimin while drunk during the Christmas party and understands why he's got the title as the Most Unsatisfying Person in the store. He ends up walking to Taehyung's place after that hookup and even though Taehyung's got a girl in his bed, he still blows Jeongguk in the hallway because neither of them wants to deal with a mess.

It's a nice routine to fall into, Jeongguk thinks, even if it does get kind of boring standing behind the counter and dealing with the people who think they're being subtle with their flirting. Namjoon gets them ear pieces to use when they both can't be at the counter at the same time, and Taehyung starts talking so dirty into Jeongguk's ear whenever he goes into the back, Jeongguk slumping against the counter and trying hard not to come behind the clear glass of the display cases.

Taehyung laughs about it, pushes the limits by getting vibrators into Jeongguk before work starts, lets Jeongguk walk away to the bathroom to jerk off and whispering permission into Jeongguk's ear. Or, if Taehyung's too distracted with a customer, Jeongguk pulling the daddy card and making his voice as whiny as possible. It gets to the point that Jeongguk wears it during some hookups, Taehyung's voice from the department store in his ear.

"This is our newest piece from the Bvlgari collection," Taehyung's saying, showing a man some pieces so he can choose what to buy for his wife. In his ear, Jeongguk's groaning in his bed. His hookup sounds pretty good, at least. Then Taehyung turns away while the man is distracted to whisper into his lapel, "Come for daddy, you little cock slut."

"What was that?"

"Inventory question," Taehyung lies smoothly, smiling at the customer. Jeongguk's choking on a moan in his ear. "Will that be credit or debit?"

("Bet Namjoon would have a stroke if he saw how we were using his precious earpieces."

"Please don't talk about Namjoon when I have my fist up your ass, Jeon.")

They haven't had a threesome in a while but Jeongguk turns it down when Taehyung suggests it. He doesn't think he can handle trying not to cringe after Taehyung tells his secret and then he's got a girl in his lap calling him daddy while Taehyung sits comfortably on the other side of bed, doing a very poor job of hiding his laughter.

Taehyung complains quite a bit now that they're making the same salary but it's genuinely not Jeongguk's fault that Taehyung insists on spoiling him. Still, that doesn't stop Taehyung from ranting about money sometimes when the jewelry section is particularly slow.

"All I'm saying," Taehyung's saying, taking note of all of the rings while Jeongguk's sitting on the floor just out of the view of the camera. Taehyung had given Jeongguk his phone to entertain himself with. "We make the same amount of money now, but I'm spending so much on you. It wouldn't kill you to pay for the pizza every now and again."

Jeongguk pouts up at Taehyung, looks at him through his fringe because he knows just how much Taehyung loves that. He whines, "But daddy-"

"Shit, fuck, shut the fuck up, Jeon. Don't look." But Jeongguk looks anyway, grinning to himself while Taehyung buys a ring that Jeongguk will find in his palm later this evening.

And things are really good.

Jeongguk doesn't think he's been this happy in years. Taehyung still fucks him into the mattress and tries to talk dirty in public, Jeongguk getting embarrassed and slightly turned on no matter what, no matter who's around. Jeongguk gets it on with quite a few people but he somehow ends up going back to the same girl a few times because you're good. You can get him off half the time so that Jeongguk isn't walking over to Taehyung's with a defeated look every time he fucks you.

Maybe it's a problem that he keeps coming back to you, taking you to the dressing rooms and bathrooms that Taehyung had told him had the least amount of foot traffic in the place, but he has fun with you. He makes it clear from the beginning he's only in it for sex- really doesn't need a repeat of what happened in Busan- and is pleased when he's met with no issues from you.

Taehyung isn't displeased, but he does watch all of Jeongguk's interactions with you with a critical eye. Jeongguk doesn't give a shit. He's having fun and living his life and getting his soul sucked out of his dick most days of the week, if Taehyung wants to suddenly be a moody bastard, then that was his own problem.

"You know what you're doing right?" Taehyung's asking, two glasses of milkshakes on the table. He's re-instated their milkshake thing after so long, had bought a fancy fucking blender for each of their apartments. "Like. You're being careful?"

Jeongguk frowns. There's a line of whipped cream above Taehyung's upper lip and Jeongguk wants to lick it off. "With my life? You know I have no idea what I'm doing."

"No," Taehyung sighs, his lips pressed together. He brings a hand up to wipe at his face. "With Y/N. I haven't seen you stick with the same person for so long before."

"I've stuck with you."

"I don't count." Taehyung takes another sip of his milkshake. "I'm only asking. We both remember what happened last time, and I don't want to see you get hurt-"

"Y/N knows this is just sex."

Taehyung fixes him with a flat look. "Does she? Last I recall, Eunhye started out as just sex."

"Don't fucking say her name to me."

"Jeongguk-"

"No, fuck you, Tae." Jeongguk stands up, collecting their unfinished milkshakes and dumping them into the sink. "I don't do relationships, you fucking know this. I told her what I was in this for, and she agreed. You literally just had a vibrator up my ass half an hour ago. Do you think I'd be doing that shit if I were dating her?"

"Jeon, just listen to me-"

"Why should I? You still think of me as a fucking kid, don't you?" Jeongguk laughs humorously, turns around to face Taehyung again. "You saw what fucking happened in Busan. I'm not going to let that happen again."

"And what happens if Y/N gets attached? You're going to fucking run away again?"

Jeongguk feels that one on his heart. Something evil and prickly pokes at Jeongguk's eyes, and he looks at the floor instead of at Taehyung. Because really, when they get down to it, that's all Jeongguk is. A piece of shit with piece of shit feelings who runs away as soon as things get bad. But with her, with the ex, he'd really had no other way out. Taehyung knows that. Fuck, Taehyung was the one who spent months convincing Jeongguk that he had done the right thing, that he'd done what would help him the most in the long run.

Taehyung knew how hard those months were on Jeongguk.

Yet here Taehyung was, throwing each day Jeongguk had spent curled in on himself on the floor right back at Jeongguk's face.

"You know what, hyung? I think you're jealous."

Taehyung barks out a humorless laugh. "What the ever-loving fuck do I have to be jealous of?"

Jeongguk presses on, "You're jealous that you're not my only fuck anymore-"

"I've never been your only fuck," Taehyung interrupts, staring at Jeongguk like he doesn't know the ins and outs of Jeongguk's mind and body. Like Jeongguk is a stranger to him. "And same goes for you-"

"Then what is it? Jealous I'm spending as much time with her as I am with you?"

That gets Taehyung's expression to harden, the usual bright, soft light of his eyes changing to something colder. "That's fucking laughable, Jeon. Especially considering you've come to me begging me to eat your ass after she wasn't good enough."

Blushing red, Jeongguk presses on. He doesn't know where the fuck this energy to fight came from, can't even remember his original point anymore, but he'll be damned if he loses. "Maybe that's the problem then. I always come back to you, hyung. I don't fucking know why. You treat me like I'm a kid, hell, you make me rate my fucking hookups!"

"I don't make you do anything, Jeon." Taehyung's fists hang loose at his sides. Jeongguk wants him to use them, wants to feel justified about this burning anger he's got coursing through his blood. "We started that fucking system so I'd know how to take care of you after a bad hookup-"

"There it is again! Saying you take care of me, like I'm a fucking obligation! I don't fucking need you to take care of me, Kim."

Taehyung is silent for too long. Jeongguk can physically feel the fight draining out of his body, sags against the counter until the only thing keeping him on his feet is the ironclad grip he has on the edge of the sink. "Is that what you think, Jeongguk? That I've only... kept you around out of some feelings of obligation?"

"I think you should leave." The words surprise even Jeongguk.

The anger melts right off of Taehyung's face. "I didn't mean-"

"I don't care. Go away. We're done, Taehyung-hyung."

"Jeongguk, I'm just trying to look out for you-"

"Get out!"

Jeongguk wrenches his eyes shut and doesn't watch as Taehyung leaves. The only evidence that Taehyung had been in the apartment at all that afternoon was the Chopard bracelet sitting on the table where Taehyung had been some minutes before.

Jeongguk slips down the cabinet, throws his arms over the back of his head with his head buried against his knees, and doesn't move for the rest of the evening.

Jeongguk approaches Namjoon with a bullshit story about how the jewelry counter doesn't need two people at all times during the slow season and convinces Namjoon to put him on the afternoon shift. It's easier for Taehyung to wake up in the mornings, after all.

In truth, it just hurt Jeongguk too much to have to work at Taehyung's side after his fight. One quick look at Taehyung's face, shadowed and tight with red eyes like he hadn't slept at all the night before, nearly had Jeongguk dropping to his knees to beg for forgiveness. But he was still mad. Taehyung treated him like a kid, didn't believe him when he said he knew what the hell he was doing with you, and Jeongguk didn't need that kind of negativity in his life.

After just two days of working with each other, jumping away when their hands got too close and in complete silence, because what do you say to someone who knew you better than you've ever known yourself, Jeongguk's rearranging his schedule. Now he doesn't work with Taehyung anymore and his work days have never been worse.

"Are you drunk?" Jeongguk's fixing his jeans in the alleyway of some shitty club, staring at the girl in front of him with dull eyes. They're coworkers, had run into each other at the bar, and she'd been the one to suggest the fuck.

Jeongguk's confused. He's not drunk, unfortunately. Last time he'd done a drunk hookup he cried for Taehyung halfway through. He doesn't need a repeat of that. "What?"

"You're just. A lot quieter than I remember you being at work."

Oh yeah, she'd left the store a while ago. "Yeah," Jeongguk lies, kisses her forehead in goodbye because he's not a dick. "I'm drunk."

Jeongguk's best friend becomes the cheap wine bottles Taehyung had always scoffed at, but he knows his limit and remembers to stay far away from that. His roommate high-fives him every morning after a girl's stumbled out of Jeongguk's room, grinning at him over the island in the kitchen. Jeongguk hasn't been with a guy in a while. Finds that he can't find one he wants to mess around with at all.

He laughs with you, though, which Jeongguk considers to be a blessing. Sex with you is good, and Jeongguk can get lost in your moans in the cramped fitting rooms, can forget for a second all of the terrible things he said to his best friend.

And Jeongguk doesn't think much when he starts getting lunch or dinner with you because most of the time it ends with sex in the back of the car, or sharing lunch in the break room with his hands down your skirt. Taco Tuesdays don't always end in sex but that's Jeongguk's fault- he got a Tinder match and left early.

Another thing Taehyung had laughed at. Tinder. If only he could see what Jeongguk was doing now.

"You shine less." You say one afternoon, fixing your skirt and hair in the bathroom in the corner of the department store. It's been almost four months and you haven't even looked to be contemplating a relationship with Jeongguk. He's glad. There's one person he wants to brag to but knows he never will.

"What?" Jeongguk's still sitting on the sink, his slacks around his ankles from the blowjob and he’s considering leaving Sangwoo alone at the counter so he doesn't have to go back to work.

"Like," you gestures to Jeongguk's body before trying to tame your hair. "Your neck? I guess. I'm so used to seeing you decked out in diamonds, Jeon. I don't think I've ever seen you without earrings."

Subconsciously, Jeongguk's hand flies to his ear and misses the touch of the diamonds that used to line the entire lobe; empty now except for the one black stud he's worn since high school. He'd gotten the entire thing pierced over the course of a few months to try and have the upper hand over Tae. It hadn't worked.

"Oh." Jeongguk finally stands to pull up his slacks. He's going to need a few good drinks tonight. He fixes his expression into the smirk he wears around work, around the girls he wants to touch. "Guess I got tired of shining more than you, baby."

"Go to hell, Jeon."

Jeongguk only speaks to Taehyung once in those terrible six months, three weeks after the fight and only through text:

To: Taetae i need my cash it's under your mattress.

From: Taetae why is ur money under my fuckin mattress

But Taehyung says when he'll be out and Jeongguk leaves his spare key on the hook inside the apartment after getting his cash, darting in and out of the place because some of his clothes are still thrown on the floor and he accidentally catches sight of a pair of diamond hoops while hanging up his key, has to bite back the urge to vomit while driving home that afternoon.

Ideally, Jeongguk would throw himself into his work. Become the model employee Namjoon says he could be every time they have a meeting together, focus on his sales instead of what underwear you're wearing today. Ideally, Jeongguk wouldn't be looking over his high school yearbook, one of the few things he'd brought when he ran away, with a half finished bottle of wine at his side and staring at Taehyung's smile. There's one picture in the book that Jeongguk can't move on from. It was taken during Taehyung's senior year, a picture of him laughing so vividly that Jeongguk can hear it in his mind. He's got his arm thrown around Jeongguk's shoulders, one of the few pictures of Jeongguk that exist in the yearbooks, leaning his head against Jeongguk's because he used to be so much taller back when Jeongguk was still scrawny and unsure of himself.

Jeongguk doesn't hook up with anyone that night.

It's almost like a shitty cliche, Jeongguk thinks over the course of those six months. There was no returning of their belongings or drunk i miss you's sent to either of them, but Jeongguk feels every day like a large hole in his chest. Can't anyone see it? Right there, it's spilling his heart right onto the pavement.

But he chases the feeling away with pretty girls and a few too many rounds with you in the department store because he's not gay and he's not in love, doesn't need Taehyung in his life. Even if he hasn't bought new clothes or gone on vacation or eaten a decent meal in a while. He's an adult. A shitty one, but no adult in their twenties actually has their life together.

Jeongguk flirts with customers and smiles a little too long while modeling the rings, stares a little too pointedly. He calls his parents because he knows Taehyung won't have any updates to give on him, goes out on an actual date for the first time in years when a girl insists she doesn't sleep with someone she doesn't know well.

(She does. Jeongguk doesn't feel bad about it when he doesn't call her the next day.)

You're a good distraction, but lately there's nothing that can keep Jeongguk's thoughts away from Taehyung, and he's beginning to worry that it's more than just sex that Jeongguk is missing. Maybe it's the gifts, or that Taehyung is the only tie he has to his life in Busan, or the late nights watching shitty TV when Jeongguk's ass hurt too badly to sleep. The dinners together. Taehyung's fingers in his hair, the softest alarm clock, when Jeongguk sleeps over at his place.

Jeongguk's not in love, has no fucking clue what that emotion even is, but he knows he can't do this shitty adult thing without Taehyung at his side. He likes Taehyung taking care of him, likes that he has somewhere to go when his days are hard or he's not feeling too hot, really likes it when all he has to do is walk through Taehyung's door and Taehyung just knows, dropping whatever he's doing to open his arms for Jeongguk and invite him into a hug, holding him together when it's too difficult for Jeongguk to do on his own.

"Inventory this week." You say into the long silence. Jeongguk's at the lingerie department again, messing with one of the displays because he likes the way you look when you're annoyed. You're fixing the display, knocking Jeongguk's hand away every time he reaches for it. "Know which departments are tonight?"

"Mh, I'm sure you'll let me know."

You roll your eyes, and Jeongguk reaches forward to brush the hair falling into your face behind your ear. "Jewelry and lingerie."

"Oh?"

"Yeah." Now there's a sly grin on your face and it matches the one Jeongguk grins, the one Taehyung said is thanks to his tutelage. "Only one camera in the inventory rooms."

"You had me at aggressive blowjobs."

Jeongguk fucks you in the inventory room that evening, a few hours before the store is to close. Anyone could walk in at any moment, their turn to check their inventories could end while Jeongguk has his face buried between your thighs, but for all the times Taehyung has fucked him on the balcony, Jeongguk feels like he's invincible. Starts thinking about Namjoon's office with your hair twisted between his fingers, but he shakes those thoughts away and goes back to chasing his emotions away with shallow thrusts into your mouth.

But as he's leaving that night Jeongguk stops by the jewelry counter before he goes. The light is still on, and before he shuts it off Jeongguk unlocks the display of their most expensive pieces and pulls out the pair of Givenchy earrings he's had a boner for ever since before he started working here.

They're ridiculously priced, the diamonds small and numerous and so incredibly clean, so expensive that not even their richest client has asked to look at them. Jeongguk runs his fingers over the velvet of the case, nowhere near the actual jewelry, and knows he can't keep walking away from the things he wants.

The drive isn't long, but nervous anticipation plays the drums with Jeongguk's insides. It's been so long. There's no way Taehyung will want to see him again, no way he'll want to deal with Jeongguk's needy ass or his stupidity and Jeongguk prepares himself for a door slammed in his face.

When Jeongguk knocks, there's no immediate answer, and Jeongguk's body deflates. Taehyung must have seen him through the peephole, and that's how Jeongguk knows it's over. His own stupid emotions destroyed the best friendship he's ever had, and now he has to figure out a way to rebuild his life without Taehyung's hand in his back pocket.

"Jeongguk?"

Jeongguk jumps, ripping his forehead away from where it had fallen against the door. Taehyung stands at the other side of the hallway, a few bags of groceries hanging from his fingers and that's what Jeongguk's been forgetting to do over the past few weeks.

His throat is dry and tight, but he manages a shaky smile. "Hi, Tae."

Taehyung doesn't say anything as he approaches, his eyes wide as he stares at Jeongguk. His expression is schooled carefully, but if Jeongguk's not projecting then maybe that's hope twinkling in his eyes. "Did you forget something else here?"

My soul. "Uh, no, hyung. I- uh, I was hoping. M-maybe, we-we, if you're not b-b-"

"Jeon," Taehyung says very quietly. "Don't stutter."

Jeongguk wasn't in high school anymore. He could fucking do this. He stands up a little straighter and looks at the ugly painting over Taehyung's shoulder. "I was hoping we could talk."

"Okay."

Jeongguk falter a little at the quick agreement, but his nerves spike again because Taehyung's still using that detached voice that he's never used with Jeongguk before. He steps back as Taehyung moves to unlock the door, gesturing for Jeongguk to enter before he follows. Everything looks the same, familiar and beautiful and looking more like home than Jeongguk's own apartment, except Jeongguk can see that there's no clothes on the floor and no hoop earrings on the island.

"What did you want to talk about?" Taehyung toes off his shoes and places the plastic bags onto the table.

Jeongguk feels everything rush up his throat at the same time, the words fighting each other for the proper thing to say. But everything sounds wrong to Jeongguk in that moment, like there are no words for Jeongguk to use to properly explain himself, explain everything that Jeongguk's feeling.

So he steps forward. He can't ruin things any more than he already has.

Fingers twisted into the front of Taehyung's dress shirt, Jeongguk closes his eyes against Taehyung's look of shock and pulls him into a bruising kiss, the intensity of Taehyung's kisses hitting him all at once. Taehyung takes charge of the kiss like he always has, yanks Jeongguk closer by the waistband of his slacks and licks roughly behind Jeongguk's teeth. He kisses the air out of Jeongguk's chest and the pain of the last six months out of his mind, kisses Jeongguk like he missed this just as desperately.

Jeongguk leads Taehyung out of the kitchen, forgetting the layout briefly in his haze and feels his back slam harshly into the wall, Taehyung following to cage his body against the wall. He's given only the briefest second to catch his breath before Taehyung is kissing him again, growling at the frantic little whine that leaves Jeongguk's lips.

"I'm sorry," Jeongguk gasps, his hand against Taehyung's chest to give their kissing a pause. He looks up at Taehyung, eyes blown wide, and bites back his sudden urge to cry. "I'm sorry, Tae. Hyung. I'm so sorry. I miss you."

Taehyung strokes away the tear with his thumb. "I miss you, too, Gukie. More than you know."

With Taehyung's lips on Jeongguk's neck, he guides Jeongguk to the bedroom with a desperation that leaves the both of them reeling. Taehyung gets Jeongguk's clothes off before they even get to his bedroom, pushing Jeongguk onto the mattress and starts unbuttoning his shirt. But there's too many buttons and Jeongguk's body is hot all over, his cheeks bright red and his head spinning. He missed this too much for any sort of waiting.

Jeongguk gets his fingers into Taehyung's belt loops and tugs his body roughly on top of his own, licking against Taehyung's neck as he ruts against Taehyung's thigh. He's getting hard already, just at the thought of how good Taehyung always makes him feel.

"Hurry up, Tae," Jeongguk growls, can feel Taehyung's own erection against his leg.

Taehyung flattens a palm to Jeongguk's bare belly, but it does nothing to quell the fire he's burning. "Relax, baby. We have time-"

"Don't care. Need to feel you. Hyung. Please."

When Taehyung kisses him this time his teeth knock into Jeongguk's, dragging another whimper from Jeongguk's lips. He bites Jeongguk's bottom lip and sucks it into his own mouth, watching the way it pops back with a soft, wet noise. His lube is buried deep in the side table and if Jeongguk weren't so overwhelmed already he'd make a comment about that.

"Get on your hands and knees for me?"

Jeongguk does, dropping his weight onto his forearms and his forehead into the sheets at the first press of Taehyung's slick finger to his hole. He hisses, entire body tensing at the intrusion, and he can practically hear Taehyung's frown behind him. "Hurry up, Tae. Fuck- come on-"

Taehyung slaps his ass very gently when Jeongguk tries to grind against his finger. Jeongguk whimpers, his body relaxing a little bit more. It's been so long since he's gotten spanked. "How long's it been since you've been with a guy?"

Jeongguk feels his cheeks flush and mutters into the sheets, "Haven't been. Not since you."

"Fuck, Gukie."

Taehyung takes his time fingering Jeongguk open, spends too long with one finger and pours warm lube right onto his crack before pushing two fingers in. He doesn't budge when Jeongguk curses at him, spits insults into the pillow because he didn't come here for hand holding, he came here to get fucked hard and he's not getting fucked hard. But no matter how many times Jeongguk threatens to get himself off if Taehyung doesn't hurry up, Taehyung doesn't break his pace, scissoring his fingers carefully in Jeongguk's hole.

His cock hangs hard and heavy between his legs, and for a brief second Jeongguk considers making himself cum, knows he can cum more than once but he doesn't want to do that. It never feels as good when it's not Taehyung pushing him over the edge each time.

By the time Taehyung's finally got three fingers inside of him, pressing repeatedly into Jeongguk's prostate, Jeongguk's nearly crying into the sheets, so ridiculously on edge and desperate to feel Taehyung inside of him, to be filled for the first time in months. He whimpers when Taehyung pulls his fingers out, his hole clenching to try and keep them in, but the sound of Taehyung unzipping his pants has Jeongguk shivering in excitement.

"Don't-" Jeongguk reaches for Taehyung's arm with a shaky hand. He'd been aiming for the condom between Taehyung's fingers but his vision is a little blurry and he uses the hold on Taehyung's arm to attempt to ground himself. "Don't. I haven't gone without."

Taehyung hesitates, carefully prying Jeongguk's fingers off of his arm. "I haven't been tested since my last one," he murmurs, sounding regretful.

Jeongguk feels that stab his chest. It's stupid. Taehyung can choose not to use a condom with whomever he wants. He'd just always thought-

"Whatever," Jeongguk spits, wiggles his ass to try and get closer to Taehyung. "Fuck me, hyung. Come on, need your fat cock in me. Need it so bad!"

"Up." Taehyung taps Jeongguk's hip, maneuvers his body so Jeongguk's front is pressed against the wall, Taehyung's body lined up behind him. When he feels Taehyung's tip at his hole Jeongguk tries to sink onto his cock, needing to be filled in that moment before he loses it, but Teahyung keeps strong hands on Jeongguk's hips to keep his pace slow, cursing. "Fucking- stop it, Jeon. I don't want to hurt you-"

"I don't care." Jeongguk cries out, the stretch deliciously torturous as he finally gets something inside of him. His head spins, falling back to rest on Taehyung's shoulder as he slowly bottoms out. "Don't care, please. Hurt me. Ruin me, choke me until I can't breathe, hyung, just fuck me!"

But Taehyung's always had more self-control and Jeongguk curses that fact in that moment. Taehyung waits, hips flush against Jeongguk's ass, until Jeongguk's begging, a mantra of I'm ready I'm ready I'm ready falling from his lips to finally move. When he pulls out and slams back into Jeongguk, Jeongguk sobs, hiccuping on each thrust. He feels it when Taehyung starts to lose that self-control, his thrusts rougher and his hands gripping Jeongguk's hips tight enough to bruise.

He scrambles for something to hold onto but the wall offers nothing, his hands slipping as Taehyung fucks him roughly. Jeongguk's head is lolling, moans spilling from his lips, and he all but sobs when Taehyung nibbles on his neck, biting hickeys in all of his favorite spots.

"So good-" Jeongguk's crying out, brings one hand away from the wall to curl it into Taehyung's hair. His entire body is warm and sensitive, jostling each time Taehyung slams his hips back against Jeongguk's ass, and Jeongguk swears he's fucking floating, his dick leaking an obscene amount on his belly. "You're so- I feel you, Tae-" He touches his own neck. "Feel you- oh shit- here-"

"Yeah?" Taehyung murmurs in Jeongguk's ear, a shiver wracking down his body. "My baby boy, always so needy for a good cock in his ass, right?" Jeongguk nods, having missed this dirty talk more than he'll ever be willing to admit. Taehyung pinches his hip and Jeongguk positively mewls. "Answer me, baby."

"Y-yeah-" Jeongguk's voice breaks on another sob and he's about to fucking cum untouched just from how well Taehyung's fucking him. "Yes! I love it! Love the way you- God- fuck me-!"

"Close already?" Taehyung's lips are turned up against Jeongguk's ear. "Go on, cum all over yourself like the dirty little slut you are. My fucking slut."

Taehyung takes Jeongguk's lobe between his teeth and Jeongguk cums hard, his entire body tensing up as he cums all over his belly, crying Taehyung's name as he does. His eyes screw shut as Taehyung stops thrusting to let Jeongguk work through his orgasm on his own, shaking and slumping into Taehyung's arms.

His voice is already wrecked. "H-hyung..." Jeongguk drags a finger through the cum cooling on his belly, dizzy and a little delirious with pleasure. He shifts and can feel Taehyung's hard cock still buried in his ass. "Tae?"

Taehyung laughs, low and quiet in Jeongguk's ear. "I'm not done with you yet, baby boy."

He uses the hands he still has on Jeongguk's hips to move Jeongguk back onto the bed, on his stomach. Taehyung tugs Jeongguk's hips up, forces him to support his weight on his forearms before he thrusts his cock back into Jeongguk's loose hole. The overstimulation stings and then the pain fades, Jeongguk letting more of his weight drop as Taehyung fucks into him hard, turns his head to the side to watch Taehyung's face.

"Fuck," Jeongguk moans, grips the sheets too tightly. The pillows are on the other side of the bed, too far away for him to bite into to try and quell his noises.

Taehyung slows his pace and Jeongguk wants to cry. He's hard again, wants to cum and wants to feel Taehyung cum inside of him, on him, wants to feel Taehyung everywhere. Taehyung drapes himself over Jeongguk's back, runs a hand across his chest to twist one of his nipples and Jeongguk chokes out a sob. He drags those fingers across Jeongguk's throat, pushing them so far between Jeongguk's lips that he gags around the intrusion.

"My dirty little bitch," Taehyung murmurs in his ear. "Couldn't find anyone else to fuck you as well as I do? Fuck your little hole open, ruin you so well?" Jeongguk shakes his head and Taehyung snarls. Jeongguk's vision is so hazy, but he tries to focus on the fire burning in Taehyung's eyes, his body pliant to any and all of Taehyung's touches and thrusts. "God, baby, I want to fill your slutty hole so badly. Watch you try to stand with my cum dripping out of your ass."

Jeongguk whines at the loss of Taehyung's fingers in his mouth, but then Taehyung's placing a well-aimed slap against his ass that Jeongguk's whining again and pushing his ass back into Taehyung's hand. Taehyung spanks him again, harder this time, jostling Jeongguk's body on the mattress.

"Again," Jeongguk gasps, back arching at the sting on his ass. "Hyung- again, please-"

"What do you say?"

"Thank you!" Taehyung smacks his ass again, right at the curve where his ass meets his thigh and Jeongguk's legs threaten to give out. "Thank you." He gets spanked again, Taehyung dropping several smacks all over Jeongguk's ass, then twice in the spot that gets a particularly desperate moan out of Jeongguk. He babbles out a thank you every time, his mind blanking when Taehyung grips his ass with both hands, kneading the raw flesh with practiced strength.

"More?" Jeongguk asks weakly. There's drool and tears wetting the sheets beneath his face, lube dripping down the insides of his thighs as Taehyung's pace becomes a little more frantic.

Taehyung adjusts his angle to nudge Jeongguk's prostate with every thrust, curls his fingers into Jeongguk's hair and pulls harshly, and Jeongguk screams. "Don't be greedy, pet."

When his legs give out Taehyung just yanks his lower half back up, his hips snapping painfully against Jeongguk's ass and he knows that Taehyung is close.

He lets himself be used, lets Taehyung fuck him so well that his mind blanks, until all he can think about and all he can imagine is Taehyung. "D-daddy," Jeongguk sobs, tears flowing freely now because it's all too good and it's all too much. "Daddy, please- I wanna cum!"

"You want to cum that badly?" Taehyung snarls, nudges Jeongguk's legs wider apart to sink into him that much deeper. "Do it yourself."

Jeongguk shakes his head, sweaty hair falling into his eyes. "Want- fuck- want daddy's hand. Please-"

"Greedy slut-"

Taehyung takes Jeongguk's cock in his hand, stroking him hard and fast and Jeongguk's about to lose his damn mind. He's too close, torn between wanting Taehyung to cum first and coming so hard that he blacks out, but Taehyung makes the decision for him, twisting his wrist in the way he knows Jeongguk loves and stroking his thumb under the tip, letting Jeongguk try to fuck down into his hand before Jeongguk finally cums, sobbing loudly as he spills onto the sheets and all over Taehyung's hand, Taehyung whispering words of praise over the ringing in his ears.

"There you go, baby boy. So pretty. Always look so pretty when you cum."

Jeongguk blinks through the tears, looks up at Taehyung and sniffles quietly. "Want you to cum in me, daddy."

"Not- not this time, baby."

Taehyung pulls his cock from Jeongguk's abused hole, yanking the condom from his length and jerking off furiously until he finally cums, painting the small of Jeongguk's back and the tops of his thighs white. Jeongguk moans through it, almost crying from the sensation; he'd really fucking missed it when Taehyung came on him- anywhere.

Jeongguk slumps onto the bed, unable to even think about supporting himself anymore as he catches his breath, head spinning pleasantly. He can feel Taehyung, still breathing heavy, pressing soft kisses up the length of his back, then a kiss to Jeongguk's cheek and another to the lobe of his ear. Jeongguk reaches blindly for Taehyung's hand, licks the cum from his palm once he finds it. Taehyung curses in his ear.

"Come on, Jeon. Let's get you cleaned up."

"Mmmn, no." Jeongguk snuggles into the wet sheets, doesn't even give a fuck because they smell like Taehyung. "Don't wanna move."

Taehyung sighs, but there's a smile pressed against Jeongguk's neck. "I know, baby. But you're covered in cum."

"I like it. I like your cum."

"You scare me when you're this honest."

Taehyung coaxes Jeongguk to his feet and works Jeongguk's arm around his shoulder when Jeongguk's legs give out as he stands. He rests his weight against the sink as Taehyung draws a bath, cringing at all of the cum drying on his stomach and thighs, still really wishes he'd been able to feel Taehyung bare within him.

"This is unnecessary," Jeongguk mutters as Taehyung settles behind him in the bath, soapy water warm on their skin.

Taehyung goes still behind him, then he wraps his arms around Jeongguk's waist and rests his forehead on the back of his neck. "I called you a lot of shit tonight."

Jeongguk feels his cheeks warm. "I asked for it."

"Let me do this for you."

So Jeongguk relaxes into Taehyung's embrace, passes the shampoos and lotions that Taehyung asks for, but mostly he closes his eyes and revels in the familiarity of the situation. Taehyung's hands are soft in his hair and even softer on his neck and thighs, cleaning the cum from his skin with a washcloth. They stay in the bath until the water begins to cool and then Taehyung urges him to his feet to rinse off under the showerhead.

Jeongguk's head is pleasantly fuzzy as Taehyung pats his body dry with his biggest, fluffiest towel, taking his hand between both of his to massage lotion onto his skin. He pulls the drain for the bath, tugs the towel to hang over Jeongguk's head the way he likes, and leads Jeongguk back to the bed with a loose hand curled around his wrist.

"Here." Taehyung hands him a pair of warm sweats and a hoodie, lets Jeongguk get dressed while he tugs the soiled sheets from the bed and replaces them with his extra duvet. "Lie on your belly for me, baby."

He does, shivering a little when Taehyung pulls the sweats down to his thighs to rub aloe on his raw ass and thighs, pulling them back up after pressing a kiss to the small of Jeongguk's back.

"Thanks, daddy."

Taehyung disappears for a second and Jeongguk hears him rifling through his drawers before the sheets lift at his side and Taehyung slips into bed beside him with a soft exhale.

Jeongguk shoves his face into Taehyung's neck, hugging him close and nearly crying when he's finally got Taehyung's arms around him again. Taehyung trails his fingers below Jeongguk's hoodie, over his arm, and up to Jeongguk's ear to play with the lobe.

"How're you feeling, Guk?"

"M'fine."

"Yeah?" Jeongguk pulls back a little to stare at Taehyung's face, still just as devastatingly beautiful. He wants to kiss all over Taehyung's face, so he does. "You're still calling me daddy."

"It feels right."

"You're not wearing any earrings?" There's a fine layer of disappointment in Taehyung's voice. Not disappointment with Jeongguk, but with the lack of jewelry adorning his body.

Jeongguk mumbles, "They reminded me too much of you," and Taehyung dips his head to kiss Jeongguk slow and deep, taking his time to lick behind each of Jeongguk's teeth.

"I'm sorry," Taehyung whispers, trailing his thumb over Jeongguk's bottom lip. "I'm sorry for what I said."

He shakes his head, pulling Taehyung closer with an arm around his waist. "I'm sorry for accusing you of all of that shit. For... for saying you treated me like I was a kid you were obligated to care for. You were just looking out for me. I know that."

Taehyung's smile is still sad. Jeongguk presses his finger to the corner of Taehyung's lips and tries to curve it into a happier smile. "Yeah. Still, what I said was out of line. You're not a flighty coward."

He kind of was. "And you don't make me do anything I don't want to do."

"You're an adult. You can live your life however you want, baby."

"Even if I'm being stupid about it?"

"Especially then."

Jeongguk leans forward to kiss Taehyung's nose and then his mouth, Taehyung pulling away after a few minutes to reach behind him and rifle through his side table for a minute. He's holding a small velvet box, and he nudges it into Jeongguk's palm.

"Tae?"

Taehyung nods, and this time his smile reaches his eyes. He nuzzles a little further into his pillow, staring fondly at Jeongguk. "Go ahead. I'd planned the circumstance to be better but I don't like seeing you so bare."

It's the diamond hoop earrings Jeongguk had seen on the island in the kitchen, pretty and sparkling in his hand. Jeongguk swallows the lump in his throat and carefully slips the earrings into his double helix, turning into the hand Taehyung lays over his cheek to play with the hoops.

Jeongguk chokes when he tries to speak. "Thank you, daddy."

"Stay the night?" Taehyung asks, whispers it carefully like he's afraid of Jeongguk's answer. Instead of answering- because it's obvious to him- Jeongguk hooks his leg over Taehyung's hip and pulls himself closer, burying his face in Taehyung's neck and breathing in deep, scattering kisses along the skin he can reach without moving much. "Want to watch Iron Man?"

"Fuck yeah."

Jeongguk can't even see the TV from this angle but it was never about actually watching the movie. Taehyung keeps his hands under Jeongguk's hoodie, stroking the skin and keeping him as close as possible while Jeongguk holds on like this is the last chance he'll have to do so.

"Are you still hooking up with Y/N?"

Jeongguk nods. "Sangwoo got fired."

"Damn, Namjoon really did that right before the busy season?"

"Yeah." Jeongguk does feel bad about the dude losing his job, but that just meant- "Guess we're gonna be working together again."

"Good." Taehyung kisses his ear, takes a moment just to rest his weight on Jeongguk. "I've got so many pranks planned, baby. Hope you're not scared to sneak into the boss' office."

It's ridiculously late already, and coupled with how hard Jeongguk got fucked that night he can feel himself starting to drift off already, warm and satisfied in Taehyung's arms. There was a more than good chance that Taehyung will wake him up in a few hours with a boner and they'll both be tired stumbling into the department store in the morning, (or hobbling, depending on if Jeongguk can talk him into a quickie in the back of the car,) and Jeongguk doesn't mind one bit.

"Tae?" Jeongguk mumbles, his voice heavy with sleep. The movie is white noise in his ears, Taehyung's breathing steady and warm against Jeongguk's cheek.

"You should sleep, baby." Taehyung strokes Jeongguk's lower back; slow like he's only doing it to stay awake to hear what Jeongguk has to say.

"We'll be okay, right?"

Taehyung kisses his forehead, soft and lingering. "Fuck yeah. We’ll be just peachy. Can't do this shit without you, Jeon."

Jeongguk celebrates his birthday by going bowling, drags along his friends and coworkers because Taehyung said he could do anything for his birthday and Jeongguk wanted to fucking bowl. Except he was competitive as fuck and often forgot that most normal people were not.

So it ends up that Jeongguk bowls a near perfect round the first time, you, Jimin, Taehyung, and a few others from the department store sitting on the chairs with him. His closest competition is you, and because of this Jeongguk isn't drinking. He can't lose his focus and lose to anyone. Plus Taehyung, once he realized Jeongguk was serious about going to bowl, had decided they'd go get shit-faced at the bar tomorrow evening.

"Your ass looks great tonight, Y/N," Jeongguk says, just before you walk up to take your shot. Taehyung snorts from where he sits at the computer. He gave up on playing after round three, and now just gave everyone stupid nicknames for each round.

"I'll be sure to thank it when I beat you."

"Damn, you wish."

You scoff. "This is the thanks I get for blowing you behind the register."

Jeongguk shrugs, leaning back in his seat and watching you fuck up your spare. He was ahead. If he got a strike, then he'd win this round, too. He grabs his lucky ball and takes his place at the line, winking when you throw him a dirty look. He's about to go through the motions when,

"Wait, Jeon." Taehyung walks up behind him, stands at an angle so no one can see the way he sucks Jeongguk's piercings between his teeth. He pats at the front of Jeongguk's jeans, putting nothing there. "You forgot this."

Jeongguk misses the shot.

You laugh wildly at the way Jeongguk's cheeks burn red as he sits back down, leaning over to high-five Taehyung over Jeongguk's lap. Jeongguk pouts, watches as Jimin's decent turn puts him just above Jeongguk's score. He's never come in last.

"You're all the worst," Jeongguk mutters, takes Taehyung's lukewarm beer and finishes it off.

They play another few rounds, Jeongguk blocking out the teasing to win each of them, and then the bowling alley is closing and Taehyung's shoving half a chocolate cupcake- where the fuck did he find it- in Jeongguk's face only to lick the frosting right off of Jeongguk's cheek. Everyone says goodnight in the parking lot, singing around a lighter that Jimin produces from his back pocket as Jeongguk’s cheeks burn.

Jeongguk follows Taehyung back to Taehyung's place, kicking off his shoes and his jacket as soon as they're inside. He spins to try and kiss Taehyung, intent on the birthday sex he's heard that song brag about so many times, but Taehyung puts a finger to his lips and denies him the kiss.

"Tae," Jeongguk whines, hands on Taehyung's hips.

"Hush, you needy baby. I still haven't given you my gift."

Jeongguk frowns, letting Taehyung lead him to the couch and sitting on the cushion. "I said no presents this year."

"And I heard, 'give me all of the presents, daddy.' Now, close your eyes." With a dramatic sigh Jeongguk follows the order, listening as Taehyung leaves the room and it sounds like he's rummaging through the desk he never uses in his bedroom. When he gets back, Taehyung places something small and light in Jeongguk's palm and sits across from him in the plush armchair. "Okay. Open your eyes."

In his hands sits a poorly wrapped, very familiarly shaped box, and Jeongguk breathes a sigh of relief. Jewelry meant that Taehyung didn't go overboard, and he'd been looking for a reason to change a couple of his earrings or add a charm to his bracelet for a while now. Taehyung stares at him with poorly concealed excitement as Jeongguk quickly rips off the paper and opens the box to reveal the Givenchy earrings that Jeongguk's wanted for years.

Jeongguk's breath catches as he stares at them, eyes wide and mind not quite comprehending what he was looking at. Jeongguk had been fucking devastated a week ago when he'd gotten into work to see that the earrings had been bought, pouting through his shift and even turning down Taehyung's offer to blow him in the break room.

"Tae- how-?"

"Think I didn't see the way you've been drooling over them for years?" Taehyung teases, looks like he's about to bounce out of his seat in excitement. "Do you like them?"

"This is too expensive, hyung."

"Hush. You know I don't give a shit when it comes to you."

Jeongguk's heart is threatening to jump right out of his chest. "Thank you," he whispers, strokes gently over the earrings and he feels the dumbest urge to cry. Or swallow down Taehyung's cock at that very moment. Either or will do. “I love them.”

Taehyung laughs quietly, standing from the armchair to sit next to Jeongguk on the couch. "What are you waiting for, Jeon? Put them on!"

Jeongguk does, removing the studs he has in his first holes on each ear to put the new, ridiculously fucking expensive, ones there. He's going to have a fucking heart attack and then dig out every piece of jewelry Taehyung has ever bought him so Taehyung can fuck him on a sparkling bed.

In that order.

Taehyung immediately goes to play with them, and Jeongguk melts into his side, sighing, "My daddy's the best daddy in the world."

"You got that right," Taehyung agrees, pressing a kiss to Jeongguk's cheek.

Jeongguk curls his hand into the collar of Taehyung's shirt and shifts so that he's straddling Taehyung's waist, settles his weight over Taehyung’s crotch and speaks with his lips brushing Taehyung’s, "Fuck me in them?"

Hands curved on Jeongguk's waist, Taehyung grins up at him with wicked intent. "Don't have to ask me twice."

[beyondthetemples-ooc]

Fanfic Asks

Found here: https://itsreallylaterightnow.tumblr.com/post/615345458657771520/

1. who is the hardest character for you to write? Oh gods, it's gotta be Gar. I don't do the Spontaneous Goofy Silly thing. I just have absolutely no idea how to write a goofball because I really don't connect to Being a goofball whatsoever, especially one who's So Totally Opposite of myself. Although, if OCs count, it might also be Kary, because she's also spontaneous, but she's pretty rage-y about it and has a VERY sour attitude towards strangers, she's totally silly and teasing around friends, flirty around cute people-- she just takes a lot of energy to keep up with.

2. who is the easiest character for you to write? Dove? Does Dove count? Because she's my OC baby and I've written more for her than any other character in any universe. But if OCs don't count, it's gotta be Raven. I can write for HOURS about things like empathy, meditation, reading, the ins and outs of what emotional control does to your mind and relationships, and having A Dark Side that you're too compassionate to ever give in to. I've spent more than 15 years of my life obsessed with her, analyzing her, noticing her traits and extrapolating as much as I can based on a wealth of canon glimpses into her deeper layers. She's the character I "get" more than any other character aside from the ones that spawned from my own head.

3. How do you know if your writing is “in character”? If I can read the dialogue and hear it in their voice, I've got 'em down. c: I overanalayze a LOT about the characters: their phrasing and linguistic quirks especially, but also their actions, their motivations, their personality-- though, to be fair, Marv Wolfman did a lot of Deep Dives into what makes each character tick, which makes writing fanfic for the Titans a bit of a cakewalk. It's still tricky, especially given that I write in a sort of amalgam universe stuck between the comics and cartoon, so characterization is always a bit of a gray area. But I can generally tell if Something Is Off about a line or action. Don't always know how to fix it, though...

With only such very, very RARE exception. Some scenes are inspired by my own experience, some are inspired by other media (even if I didn't really enjoy it, if I liked a particular line of thought, a scene might sprout from that planted seed). The Final Journey was heavily inspired by a book called Toes by Tor Seidler, at least the very last part of the book.

I have no fucking idea where DDD came from though, that one honestly just spiraled way out of Dove's control, and then out of MY control, and the entire writing process was just a desperate scramble to capture her breakdown and PRAY she'd get out of all this madness alive. Yes, my own experience informed HOW to write about it, what it might feel like, but the idea for "Dove slips up So Fucking Badly she kills people"? What the HELL.

5. Do you tell the people in your life that you write fics? Everyone who's REALLY close to me knows about Dove. Some of them know about Srentha and Kary, I think few of them know about Leyla... I tell everyone I'm a writer though. And if they ask, I will proudly proclaim that I write fanfics about my original characters.

6. What has been the hardest fit for you to write? "Fic", I think that's supposed to say? But uhhhh, probably DDD. Watching Dove go through that has been... really rough. Really, really REALLY rough. (To put it into perspective, I used to write for 3-7 stories every single week. But once DDD started going downhill hard, about the time Dove's first victim happened, I became absolutely OBSESSED with figuring out how she gets out of it.

7. What fic of yours makes you the most emotional? Honestly, that depends entirely on my mood. Lovey-dovey mood? Probably either all the fluff of secretshipping, or the tragedy in Spellbound pt. II. Self-doubt and PTSD? Raven's counsel at the end of DDD. Mystical or spiritual mood? The Final Journey because of Dove being guided by Azar.

8. What is a scene you wrote that you are most proud of? Holy hells bells, the climax scene in DDD! The battle! Between a really powerful empath and a totally unhindered telepath! In a mindscape! I haven't managed to make myself really proud of the ~style~, but the CREATIVITY. The "weapons" they used! The scenery! The escalation, the drama, the consummation of everything Dove had been fighting and Raven had been fighting with her over, and then the ENDING? Gods. Writing such an abstract battle scene was a HUGE challenge, because I've never seen any precedents for it. But I really, really love the way it came out.

9. Is there one character that you refuse to write? why? ...Rrrronaldo? Not that I've done much of anything with my SU ideas, but his arrogance and Totally Missing the Real Actual Meaning of things would probably just make me angry. Come to think of it, that's also the reason I refuse to put Terra in my stories. (Aside from the fact that I would go fucking insane from trying to figure out what the HELL her mindset is alone, what's her plan, what the hell did "Things Change" mean, etc. I just can't do it for her. And I don't forgive her.)

10. When you write fics, how much of canon are you willing to ignore/skip over? Veeeery, very little. I only have Three Anti-Canon Rules in my fanfics: 1.) The Brotherhood of Evil wasn't able to break an ancient and powerful curse that took Raven A FUCKING WEEK to LEARN how to break! So Malchior can't have been released by them. 2.) Sons of Trigon was a bad fanfic and doesn't exist in canon. I absolutely 10000% refuse to acknowledge anything in that story. And 3.) We don't talk about Things Change.

11. Do you prefer to be cold or hot when you write? Oh, cold, absolutely. I've written in an 85F room with two cups of ice water and three fans before, so it's not like I can't write in the heat when I'm really inspired, but I'm so sensitive to heat that I have passed out while sitting when it was just 75F outside. But cold... Cold I can THRIVE in.

12. What is your ideal writing area? My room. Somewhere quiet, peaceful, calm, separated, and where I know I won't have people trying to read over my shoulders.

13. How do you come up with your titles? I try very, very hard and hope I've come up with something that Sounds Nice AND Makes Sense. (I'm still debating the title of "Fire and Flight: The Keys to Igniting a Pacifist Heart". 'Flight' because that's what Srentha's name means, and it's his debut story, but like.... Fire only means Devastating Things to Dove, so I'm reeeeally fighting myself on that. I love the poetry in the title! But like.... couldn't the poetry be a little less devastating? But my brain refuses to spit anything else out. And also, that Day of Fire was a pretty important plotpoint, since it's the whole reason they were separated...)

14. How do you come up with chapter titles? Usually picking something that Sounds Cool and Has Relevance to the most important aspects of the chapter. I'm still really proud of calling a chapter of DDD "Sins of the Father" BEFORE Marv Wolfman used that phrase for Raven!

15. At what point in writing a fic, do you decide to quit? Who says I quit? The only way I'll quit a fic entirely is if I don't want to write it anymore. But because of the aforementioned Curiosity and Drive to Learn about what the heck is happening in these scenes in my head, that rarely ever happens. There have been exactly Three (3) fics that I quit writing. ~ 1.) The Titans/Pokemon crossover, because I realized I had no idea what to do with a Misdreavus in Titans Tower. (That one actually got published, but then deleted in a fit of Self-Consciousness because I was convinced people would find it cringey. I really wish I'd kept it because it was a cute idea, at least... and nowadays I can think of so MANY things! I never even wrote her meeting Silkie!) ~ 2.) The shameless self-insert where comic!Raven showed up in my room one day because I realized I had no plot ideas whatsoever, I really just wanted to write about meeting Raven in an actual physical sense. ~ 3.) Misery's Company, my Ruby Gloom fanfic, because frankly that was another shameless self-insert fic, and I realized I had no idea what to do once we got Misery back to Gloomsville. And then I realized I didn't have any particular motivation to even write it THAT far. I just totally lost interest. I didn't want to write about the rest of the Gloom crew. And I utterly lost touch with the magic in the show. I couldn't write in the style that meshed so WELL with that fic anymore. It's actually still up for adoption, I just have to find someone willing to actually adopt it.

16. How much of your personal life do you put into fics? Mhhhh, only as much as is relevant. Mostly writing from experience With Situations and Feelings, though I don't insert my reactions into how others would handle their experiences. DDD probably got the most so far. Although I can't lie, I've also found myself consulting some of my own experiences when writing for Raven as well. Like what empathy feels like... but it's mainly for things like Deciding Which Descriptive Words to Use.

17. What is the most supportive comment you have gotten? Ooh, that's hard! I've gotten several good reviews that really motivated me-- they were all on fanfic.net, but maybe the one that was like "The originality is too great to be lost" on DDD? Or the review I got for the Unforeseen revamp that was like "It flows like silk" and talking about how much better it was than the original!

18. What is the most negative comment you have gotten? All the accusations of Dove being a Mary Sue? Yeah. She never WAS, but I didn't know how to write a bio about her without comparing her to Raven, so nowadays I can see why they went there.

19. How do you handle negative comments? Back then, I sent a pm and asked them to clarify. Nobody ever did... 8F But nowadays I mostly just ignore it.

20. What story that you have written makes you the happiest to re-read? Either really triumphant or really soft moments. I love the gentle moments between Dove, Srentha, and Leyla. I love the plot progression in Something Special. I love the revamp of Mystery Sickness, seeing how far my writing has come. I love reading any tender scene between Srentha and Dove. Dove's memories with her mother are so formative and important and sweet and special. I love how peacefully Dove and Srentha's marriage scene came out. There are just so many that make me happy...

I also wrote a really cute scene between Steven, Lapis, and Amethyst where they made a sort of roller coaster for him because he was banned from FunLand and that's just an adorable sweet idea, but I never fully wrote it, whoops.