#uh seriously though. if you know anything an idiot with no education or experience could do remotely. please god let me know

[stabbyfoxandrew]

someone please tell me a remote job that an idiot can do that pays like $100 an hour.

[kayr0ss]

Appointments Chapter 5: Headaches and Some Music

[LWA, Diakko, Small Town AU, Fluff and Slow Romance, Pining™ lol]  

Chapter 1 & Table of Contents AO3 Link

Diana pursed her lips, locked in a heated stare-down against the newest occupant of her apartment.

“Please behave yourself until I return.”

The cat ‘mew’ed’ in reply as though he understood and resumed licking the back of his paw. All things considered, he seemed to be a surprisingly well-behaved cat. Who looked polite. This small comfort was enough to make up for the ridiculousness of having to talk to a cat, and Diana realized that she had never been more excited to return to her clinic as she was now.

The normalcy of work, she thought to herself, is beginning to feel like a comfort versus the absurdity of my home’s current state of affairs.

She stepped through her doorway into a lovely Blytonbury morning. The habitual glance towards her watch read 09:51, urging her to walk at a quicker pace than usual. She regrettably strode right by Jasminka’s café—there was no time to pass by tea, and she hadn’t woken up early enough to make some for herself that morning.

Of course, because of the cat.

The day prior, she’d had to return home later than usual to fetch her feline tenant the basic supplies: a small can of cat-food, a litterbox, and two bowls for food and milk. The real challenge was in the ‘teaching him not to leave any form of excrement where he shouldn’t.’ Pleasant behavior aside, it seemed Toby was actually quite intelligent—although by the time it was two o’clock in the morning, her NewTube suggestions were a peculiar mix of medical lectures and ‘How to Potty Train Your Cat’ videos.

She made her way through the crosswalk—ensuring that no brunettes were running about—and mentally prepared herself for the day she was about to have. There were no scheduled patients before lunch, giving her enough time to review case files for a busy afternoon.

When she stepped through the glass door to her clinic, Barbara was already lounging behind her desk and flipping—as usual—through a novel.

“Good morning,” she peaked out from behind ‘NightFall 12: The Oblivion of Love’. “You’re on the dot today.”

“I always am,” Diana replied lightly. “Good morning to you as well.”

“You’re always at least fifteen minutes early,” Barbara corrected, smiling kindly. Then the nurse leaned forward, scrutinizing Diana with an observant gaze. “You’re…”

The blonde lifted her eyebrow in silent response.

“Something.” Barbara said slowly, as if trying to figure a puzzle out. She waved a hand to dismiss the thought. “Must have been my imagination, just thought there was something off. Anyway, I’ve laid down the patient files for the afternoon. We’ve got ourselves a slow morning.”

“Thank you,” Diana nodded politely, slipping into her whitecoat and thankful that she didn’t have to explain the kind of morning (and evening) she’d had. She settled into her chair, entertaining the thought of going through the documents Barbara had prepared before deciding she wasn’t in the right headspace for that. A headache. Massing her temples, she ascribed her irritability at a lack of sleep and constant worrying over her furniture’s wellbeing. She inwardly cursed her lack of morning tea—and really hoped her furniture were okay.

Learning back with a sigh, her eyes drifted towards a pamphlet at the edge of her table. It was the St. Beatrix MMC residency brochure on Cardiology. She’d probably read its contents nearly ten times over by now. In truth, the hospital had already reached out to her: she was “everything they were looking for”, or so the chief resident had said—a young doctor with an impeccable educational background. Diana had been truly grateful, but she was committed to taking the time she’d need to be absolutely sure. Which she wasn’t. At least, not yet.

There was a knock on her door, and Barbara was peeking through the doorframe. “Water. And an aspirin. Because for some reason you look—uh.”

“Off?” Diana tilted her head.

“Like shit.” Barbara nodded, and Diana would have had something to say about her choice of language if it weren’t for the fact that she was probably right. “Did anything happen?”

“Just a few issues to iron over at home,” she replied cryptically.

Barbara looked like she wanted to ask more, but decided not to prod. “That won’t do. We’re having lunch over at the Russian lady’s and getting those croissants you love so much, but in the meantime drink that Advil because someone’s gotta look after the doctor looking after everyone else.”

Diana smiled and felt a wave of gratitude pour through her over Barbara’s thoughtfulness.

“Which reminds me,” the other woman set the items down to Diana’s desk, “the cat’s gone.”

The blonde immediately looked down at the suddenly-very-interesting-patient-files. “I—Indeed.”

“You know, I think I’ll actually miss him. He was kind of cute.”

Diana was ready to remind her of the importance of workplace cleanliness when the front bell chimed louder than usual. The glass pane of the door practically swung open with force.

“Heya, doc! And miss nurse!”

Oh.

Barbara was the first to recover. “Where did you fall in this time? Was it a ditch? Or did you fly off your bike again?”

Atsuko Kagari-with-blood-ty—Oh, enough of that! She’s just Akko!—had come barging in with a large paper bag, effectively elevating Diana’s headache through several numbers up the VNRS pain scale.

“I—” Akko shot the nurse a smug look ��—have yet to experience an accident this week!”

“That’s a first,” Barbara crossed her arms.

“But I’m here for you!”

Those stunning red eyes locked themselves onto Diana, and suddenly she couldn’t speak. Me? The brunette strode into her office. She dropped the paper bag onto her desk.

“I’m not quite sure I follow. What is this?”

“Child support!”

Diana flinched. Barbara blinked. Akko simply nodded to herself in smug satisfaction.

“For Toby. Since we’re co-parents now.” Akko clarified, looking completely serious. “There’s a bunch of cat food that should last a while, a cute mouse squeaky toy, and animal milk.”

The blonde felt her ears redden at the incredulous look Barbara was giving her, and seriously—was this seriously happening right now? “C—Co-parents?”

“Yes.” Akko nodded with a determined glint in her eyes. “And I’m no deadbeat mom!”

“I—I see.”

“Anyway,” Akko took one of the pens from Diana’s stand without asking (“Don’t do that.”), and leaned over to write on the blank prescription pad on the blonde’s desk. “Here’s my number so you can text me about anything he needs and so we can arrange my visitation rights!”

Visitation rights?

“Oh.” Akko paused, lifting her thumb to her chin. “We probably need to schedule a trip to the vet and get him a collar, too.”

We?

Not knowing what else to say and still completely blindsided by Akko’s—well, everything—Diana simply complied. “I… know a veterinarian. He’s a childhood friend.”

“Perfect!” Akko beamed.

Once again, it was disarming. She really had to stop doing that to Diana.

“I’ve got to study for a test so I gotta bounce but I’m so excited to see him again!” Akko leaned across the table, moving around at a pace faster than Diana’s sleep-deprived-due-to-Toby’s mind could follow. The brunette wrapped her hand around her forearm and gave her another smile. It was warm. “But really—thank you Diana! I’ll see you around!”

She turned on her heel like the bundle of energy she was and bolted right out the door with a wave to Barbara.

Barbara—who looked right about ready to explode into laughter in the wake of Akko’s departure.

“You kept him.”

“Please don’t.” Diana pleaded.

The nurse finally caved, leaning against the doorframe to her office for support while she snickered. “That’s why you look completely out of it! You’ve got to tell me everything.”

But then the thudding sound of footsteps interrupted their conversation yet again and the door swung open. Poor thing. Might need to have its hinges checked at this point.

“I almost forgot!” Akko came bursting into the room like a cannon ball. “I got this on my way here for you!”

She slammed a paper take-out cup from Jasminka’s café onto Diana’s desk.

“I have no idea what it is to be honest.” Akko yelled, already rushing back out in a hurry. “I just asked Jas for a cup of whatever your usual is! Okay-bye-for-real!”

She was gone in a flash. Diana could smell tea.

English Breakfast, prepared exactly the way she liked it. The aroma was enough to chase away the tension along her brow, and when she glanced towards Barbara, who looked just as lost as she felt—

—they shared soft laughter.

The whole thing was absolutely ridiculous. Including the fact that her cup was labeled: ‘Dr. Grumpy >:(’

 ---

 It was 5:30PM and Akko was in despair.

“Chikusho! That was a disaster.” Akko banged her head against the lecture room desk. She was reeling from the mental assault that was ‘Applied Physics Examination 1.’ Judging by the scowl on Sucy’s usually nonchalant face, it hit her pretty hard too. “How’d you do?”

“Tanginang test ‘yan.” She glowered in her native language.

“I’m going to assume that was a string of curse words.”

“For once in your idiot life, you are correct.”

“Mou!” Akko huffed.

“I’m out.” Sucy declared, and likewise, every fiber in Akko’s being wanted to get the hell out of this classroom as soon as possible. The purple-haired girl lazily slung her bag over shoulder and looked down at Akko (who was still very much slumped over the desk) through one eye. “So are you coming or should I leave you behind?”

Akko groaned. And then sighed. And then groaned another time while pointing towards the podium because—“First I have to walk over there and ask if she wants to join the running club.”

“The professor?” Sucy blinked.

“Ya, dude.”

Then Sucy was grinning daggers. “I think I’m gonna stick by and see if she’ll actually murder you this time.”

“Not funny!” Akko pouted while finally standing up and cursing the fact that she can no longer exist as a worry-free blob on a desk.

“It is. A little. Now go.” Sucy prodded on, repeatedly poking at her arm.

“Going, going!”

While the students slowly filed out of the room—in despair, mind you—Akko approached Dr. Meridies with Sucy lingering a safe distance behind her.

The lilac-haired professor looked up from a test sheet she was inspecting, looking, as one would say, way too tired for this shit. “No amount of begging is going to convince me to pass you.”

“I wasn’t going to!” Akko crossed her arms defiantly.

“Then why are we having this conversation?”

Well. There wasn’t any other way for this to go down than directly, so it was best to just blurt it out. “Do you want to join the running club?”

Dr. Meridies reeled, squinting. “The running club?”

“Yes.” Akko nodded. “The running club.”

“So many people are asking me to join this running club that I think I’m gonna start declining just out of spite.”

“Ugh!” Akko groaned. “I tried—can’t force you! Maybe Professor du Nord can, Kami-sama, why did I even both—”

“Wait wait wait—” Dr. Meridies raised a hand to shut Akko while scowling. “du Nord?”

“Yeah,” Akko said looked to the side with slumped shoulders, “the club moderator. And I’m here cause Diana asked so now that I’ve done that I’m just gonna boun—”

Oddly enough, the exasperated professor seemed to have tuned out. “Chariot du Nord, from Humanities?”

“Uh, yeah.” The brunette blinked. “Do you know her?”

“O—Of course.” The older woman began stare so hard at the table she could have burned a hole through. “Faculty and all.”

Akko caught on like a wolf, grinning mischievously. “You know her!”

“Like I said we both teach—”

“You know know her.”

“Out!” Dr. Meridies barked, “of my classroom!”

With a devious glint, which Akko swore she could see in Sucy’s eyes too, she waved in exaggerated politeness and made her way to the door.

“Okay, professor!” Oh, she loved this sort of drama! “Just saying—it’s on Monday evenings!”

--

“You should have seen her face!” Akko squealed with almost manic glee. “Oh, Lotte you’re gonna love it—I know you’re a sucker for this kind of stuff.”

“But I can’t imagine it! How does Professor du Nord—” Lotte gestured towards her life with both hands for emphasis “—who seems super sweet and kind of introverted but is generally made of sunshine, find herself with a history of romantic involvement with someone like Dr. Meridies—” she made a quick jerking motion towards the right. “Who I haven’t actually seen in person, and if I were to base my judgments off your descriptions she sounds like some mad-scientist antagonist in an anime who’d wear a cape.”

Akko blinked. “That’s a good one.”

Sucy actually nodded.

“It makes no sense!” Lotte shook her head. And then… she swooned. “But love never does, does it?”

“Makes about as much as sense as this idiot getting that doctor to adopt the cat.”

“’The cat’ is named Toby!” Akko chided, “and you’d be hard-pressed to deny him if you’ve seen that cute little face of his.”

The three women were lazing about Lotte and Sucy’s living-and-dining area, with Akko sprawled across the couch that she’d be sleeping on since the pair—or just Lotte—invited her to stay over. There was take-out and beer (which Sucy and Akko had picked up on their way home), and the mini-get-together served two purposes: to recover from that horrid examination, and to keep Akko company because “tomorrow’s my first day of work and I am way too nervous to fall asleep without beer or Lotte nagging me to!”

There was something deeply comfortable about the small apartment. The furnishing didn’t match up and yet every piece felt like they belonged. Pots and pans hung above the stove, used yet well-maintained. They always had an extra set of everything—as though guests were welcome and often come and go. She loved it. And loved how welcome she felt in it. And though she’d never impose unless invited, Akko felt… cozy. Books, and mushrooms, and odd test-tubes, and literary manuscripts and all.

Lotte was in the middle of sharing the gist of her latest writing exercise when Akko felt her phone buzz.

“Hold on,” she excused herself, “I swear if this is a Canvas notification I’m gonna cut a bi—oh!”

“What is it?” Lotte asked.

-

18:53 Good evening. This Dr. Cavendish’s number – I’ve been able to secure an appointment with Dr. Hanbridge, the veterinarian I had mentioned. I apologize for the short notice but his soonest availability is tomorrow at around 1:30PM. Check-up aside, an agent in his clinic should likewise be able to assist with any documentation that needs sorting out given our arrangement. Your prompt response will be appreciated.

18:54 Heeeya Doc! 😊 u sound like an e-mail. :P

18:54 But sure lol I get off work @ Arcturus school around lunch time

18:55 Is it gonna be far?

18:55 But srsly lighten up abit it’s just me we can me at the bus stop or whrvr

18:56 I’ll be hailing a taxi service from my home and will collect you from your workplace at 12:30PM. Please be on time.

18:56 PLS add me on WhatsUpp through this number PLS omg I want pics of my little bby!!!! DO U FEED HIM and I can send you memes to show him so he’ll laugh LOL

18:56 LOL wtf ‘collect’

-

“It was Diana.”

Sucy cocked an eyebrow, “’Diana’?”

“I have a vet trip with Toby tomorrow!” Akko buzzed. “Oh bother, now I’m never going to get any sleep.”

“Is she for real?” Sucy indifferently pointed towards Akko while speaking to Lotte. “She’s like some ‘instant-friendship’ anomaly. Even I feel personally victimized.”

Lotte only smiled. “You have to sleep lest you subject poor children to a zombie for a teacher tomorrow.”

“That’s mean!”

Akko shared a laugh with Lotte, urging her to carry on with her story. They were getting to the good part—Edmund was about to confess!

One successful synopsis reading and a few topic changes later, Akko’s phone had buzzed once more.

It was a picture.

She squealed so hard her cheeks hurt.

“Akko, down! Yes—I see him—stop screaming or else I’m going to poison your drink.”

 -

 The driver pulled up at Arcturus School’s main driveway at exactly half-past noon.

“Please wait a moment.” Diana politely requested, mildly aware of the fact that she was beginning to miss the luxury of having her own car and service.

“Sure, just don’t leave me alone with that little fella, don’t matter how cute he might be.”

With a sigh—which was one of many at this point—she gently peered over to Toby whose head was poking out of the most comfortable canvas tote bag she could scavenge. It was that or nothing at all, and no, she wasn’t going to carry him in her arms.

‘Mew.’ He stared back up towards her. At least he seemed comfortable—and she tried to fight it but then she gave in and chuckled.

“Oh, come on then.”

Diana stepped out of the vehicle with Toby in tow. She pulled out her phone, putting a call through for the latest addition in her phonebook.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

Typical. She wasn’t picking up.

Fortunately she had anticipated this, there was a half-hour allowance in her schedule. Instead of bombarding the brunette with several missed calls, she opted to walk towards what looked like the waiting area where children were fetched. She took a moment to look around, noticing that the school grounds had an abundance of trees—much like the rest of Blytonbury and the campus of LNU. The morning classes were dismissed and children ran about. A few of them began to notice her special baggage, and one little girl ran up to her and nearly hugged her legs.

She had hazel eyes, and big, goofy grin. “You’re so pretty!”

Diana blinked. “Thank you.”

“Is that a cat?”

“Yes.” She lowered the bag a little, appreciating the wonder in the little girl’s voice. “But I can’t let you pet him yet, I’m afraid. He still bites.”

“But I—”

The little girl was cut-off by the sounded children cheering. Diana followed her line of sight and saw…

Akko.

She was playing music. And laughing. But more than that—everyone around her was smiling just as bright. Children sang while they danced in a circle around her, clapping their hands to the beat of what sounded like a ridiculously complicated rendition of the ABCs on the violin. The pace was quick while she played a progression of eight and sixteenth notes. The feel of the song was less classical and more like an upbeat Celtic dance.

And dance they did. Laughing, and clapping, and bouncing around in mirth without a care in the world.

Akko played with such joy and passion that Diana could feel the warmth from several meters away. She kept still—already forgetting her earlier dismay on being behind schedule—and simply watched.

“Do you know her?” The little girl with hazel eyes asked in a small voice.

Diana nodded, smiling to herself while trying to wrap her head around the conundrum that was Atsuko Kagari—who had red eyes, who tripped over nothing and scraped her knee, who could barely make it to her classes on time and yet could bewitch a crowd with a smile and a bit of music.

“She’s…”  

Even Toby looked he was watching.

“…my friend.”

 -

end chapter

-

A/N: Hello everyone! Hope you're doing well, stayin' safe and staying home. So anyway here's another chapter and admittedly I only have a very rough outline of where I want this story to be and well... I like writing one shots because I'm REALLY bad at plotting out longer stuff like seriously, when I started this, I thought it would be 5 chapters long at most and yet here's chapter 5.

So I've decided to just go with it and take the time to explore and narrate the relationships/interactions I've got in my head AND I don't know anything about taking care of cats I AM SORRY IT PROBABLY SHOWS

Hope you're enjoying it so far! (AND I still owe Diana a happy birthday fic that may or may not involve feet due to some shenaginas I've seen on tumblr which I don't know if are jokes or not)

[welllpthisishappening]

i noticed! i even made up a theory about it and incorporated it into some fic. basically, i think that after 4a, when they had that amazing post-heart-incident kiss, there was ~*magic*~ involved. like, every time they touch, they get a little rush of magic from the true love, and they are just completely obsessed with it and it gives them comfort and hope and confidence, and neither of them are sure how it started and neither of them cares or even mentions it. it's just their thing.

Yes, good. Yes. I love this. And, uh….I’ve been sitting on this because like…this somehow ended with words? I have no idea how long this actually is, but once upon a time I wrote a whole thing with Killian still having some magic post-Dark One’ness and I’m always here for writing post-series canon ridiculousness. 

“Is it a true love thing?”

Regina does not look impressed. She flashes Emma a put-upon look, as if the answer is so incredibly and absurdly obvious that it doesn’t even deserve the question and well….fair.

“I’m going to assume that’s a yes,” Killian mumbles. He leans against Emma’s side, a hint of domesticity and years of experience and they probably should have done something about this before.

He’s been able to feel her magic forever. Well, at least part of forever, but Emma’s kind of selfish about the whole thing and a little greedy and she’s got more than a few suspicions about how it all started and some of those aren’t all that great.

She’s a little worried it’s her fault.

She’s the one who gave him magic, after all. And took it away.

And all that other stuff and—

“It’s fine, Swan,” Killian mutters, already glancing up at her from underneath eyelashes she still finds a little offensive. They’re so long. It’s ridiculous.

“That’s really not fair, at all.”

“And you’re both being very difficult about this,” Regina cuts in, sounding disgusted already, but that may just be because they’ve definitely interrupted her schedule for the day.

It had happened suddenly.

A moment and a flash and the bulb in the street light bursting, a flush of magic that Emma knew, immediately, was not hers.

It made her breath catch and her eyes widen, a flash of terror rattling down her spine. Because she remembers. She doesn’t want to, but she can’t help it. She remembers darkness and words that shattered that tiny bit of tremulous belief she’d been clutching to at the time. She remembers a sword and the way his eyes shifted, an invisible hand around her throat—

“Emma,” he says sharply, twisting around her with hand and hook on either one of his shoulders. She takes a deep breath.

“Not the first time you tried to get my attention, huh?”

Killian shakes his head.

And Regina cannot possibly slump more in her chair.

It’s the same office Emma remembers from the first time she’d set foot in Storybrooke, but there are far more stacks of paperwork everywhere and several boxes piled in a variety of corners. The curtains flutter in the breeze working its way through the open window, a hint of salt air and something else that has only happened since the All-Realm that Emma can’t possibly begin to put a name to.

It’s almost sweet though.

Decidedly magical.

She’s not sure if anyone else has noticed.

“You alright?” Killian asks, and Emma is disappointed to realize she freaked him out. That’s ridiculous. There’s nothing to be freaked out about.

True Love is, presumably involved.

“Are you?”

“Swan, it’s—“

“—Ok, no, no, because—“

“Do I need to be here for this, anymore?” Regina asks archly, and the smell gets stronger. It’s like…cinnamon and sunshine, a warmth to it that Emma swears she can feel moving between her ribs, and—

“Shower gel,” she mumbles.

Regina curses loudly. “What the hell are you talking about?”

“How could Killian burst a light bulb on Main Street?”

“You already asked the question,” Regina says, clearly doing her best to keep her voice even. Killian glares at her. “No, no, no, you don’t get to look like that. How long have you been able to feel your wife’s magic? And why didn’t you say anything?”

“That’s not really any of your business, your majesty,” he drawls, arm moving back around Emma’s middle in a way that’s equal parts possessive and the nicest part of her day. Every day.

For, like, years.

He’s still very determined to occupy the same few inches she is.

“Fair,” Regina concedes with a wave of both hands and her phone is gong to explode. They definitely messed up that meeting with Camelot. “But, uh—well, we probably could have expected this if I had known that.”

Emma narrows her eyes at that. “How do you figure?”

“Was True Love not enough of an explanation?”

“Try again.”

Regina clicks her tongue, but she looks almost understanding. That’s got to be a step in the right direction. “Ok, so, once upon a time—“

“—Bloody hell,” Killian grumbles.

“That was almost funny!”

“Do you not have a meeting we’re ruining for you?”

“I really cannot talk to Guinevere about her border issues anymore.”

“Oh, shit isn’t that an us thing too?” Emma asks, Regina humming in agreement and a complete lack of surprise that that’s the follow up question. “Did I know about that?”

“Mulan is taking care of it,” Killian answers, and they’re getting distracted by bureaucracy. His arm hasn’t moved. If anything, his fingers are fluttering, tracing absent-minded patterns on the curve of Emma’s hip and the slight bit of skin that appears when her shirt rides up just the right way. She doesn’t remember curling into his side like this.

Regina looks unsurprised.

“I believe she and Elsa had something to do with Lancelot,” she continues. “There was definitely an email.”

Emma makes a noise, possibly an agreement, but more likely an excuse. “I’ve been kind of distracted.”

“You going to let me explain why I think this is happening, now?”

“You’re certainly taking your time,” Killian grumbles, and Emma can hear his smile when Regina makes a face at him.

“You two have always had True Love. That’s how True Love works. It didn’t just appear with—was there ever a kiss? Rainbows and all that?”

Another noise, not quite frustration because Emma’s pretty certain they deserved a goddamn kiss, but they did get several other versions and—“Killian can speak Greek,” she says, like that’s an explanation. “And you’re face is going to get stuck like that, Regain.”

“Well, you’re not making any sense,” she argues. “Anyway. You were in love. Making eyes. Ignoring the boundaries of personal space.”

Killian’s arm tightens.

“It was always there, Emma,” Regina continues. “Growing, meaning more. And then you gave the pirate magic. A magic you both shared. And it wasn’t good, but you had already shared a different kind of magic.”

“And you think that…what?” Emma asks. “Stuck?”

Regina shrugs. That’s not encouraging. “I think that’s my most educated guess. Good has a way of latching on and clinging.”

“You need a bit more positivity to those words, there,” Killian says, but he doesn’t sound annoyed. He sounds—God, Emma cannot figure out where that smell is coming from.

And she’s an idiot.

“Oh, I’m an idiot,” she mutters, Regina widening her eyes and Killian narrowing his and it makes so much sense. “Ok, ok, so—this is going to be shitty, but do you remember after all that stuff with David’s dad and you had the dream catcher and—“

“—Bloody hell,” Killian gasps.

Regina is just going to slide on the floor at some point. “Will someone tell me what you’re talking about?”

“I was trying to get rid of my memories,” Killian answers, not taking his eyes away from Emma. “But I—I didn’t even think about that, love. It just…magic is instinctual, isn’t it?”

“Mine’s always been.”

“Not necessarily a good thing,” Regina grumbles. “Ok, ok, back track for a second. You’ve had instances of magic before? I hate to repeat myself, but why was that not made more obvious?”

“I didn’t even think of it as magic. It was just…I was desperate and—“

“—Emotional?”

“Terrified,” Killian corrects. “And, then today it was…”

“Hope’s been sick,” Emma whispers, realization clattering around her brain and making her vision a little spotty and her might actually be exploding. Right there. It will inevitably ruin Regina’s drapes. “We’ve been worried about it and I’m—then we got called to some disaster in Wonderland and someone called my name. It wasn’t…there wasn’t really a threat, but—“

“—He was worried,” Regina finishes, half a smile and a possibly a bit of understanding because she’s had her own True Love too and Emma nods.

It’s more confident.

That smell isn’t a smell. It’s magic. Their magic. Collectively. And their lives.

Together.

God, she’s a sap now.

“Well, that’s something isn’t it,” Regina muses. Her smile widens and her phone lights up again, footsteps coming down the hall because they’ve ruined the whole schedule, but True Love conquers all and Henry’s already talking by the time he twists around the open door frame.

“Hey,” he says. He’s got more books in his hands. “Were you guys supposed to be here? I thought that was a Mulan thing. There was an email.”

“So we heard,” Emma murmurs. Killian isn’t more than half a step behind her when she moves, pressing a kiss to Henry’s forehead and he’s grown, he’s a grown man with his own family and his own kid, but he’s still her kid, or their kid and the magic in her flutters in something that may be actual joy. “Regina, we’re not going to deal with the Wonderland nonsense.”

Regina laughs. Unexpected. Nice. “Good. You know, sometimes, True Love is the simplest answer to all of this. Most powerful magic and all that.”

“Articulate.”

“I’ve got a lot of meetings to deal with.”

Emma scoffs, but it’s a bit of relief too and she doesn’t necessarily mean to lean into the hook pressing into her back. Whatever. True Love.

Seriously, whatever.

And she does have every intention of asking more questions, has the dim hope of a quiet conversation and, possibly, fewer clothes than normal, but then the day seems to get away from her and the day is the night and Hope is asleep and Emma may never get used to Killian Jones, fearsome pirate and her True Love, sitting in bed with a book and a t-shirt on.

“What happened to your hair?” she asks, padding back into the room with the taste of toothpaste lingering on her tongue.

Killian doesn’t look away from his book, but his lips definitely twitch. This might be flirting. Emma hopes it’s flirting. She’s got a lot of True Love, magic-type questions. “Aye,” he murmurs, “the little sea monster’s gotten very grabby in the last few days.”

“I think that’s a sign she may like you.”

“Is it, then?”

“Was that not in any of the books?”

That gets him to look up. Emma beams, the tip of her tongue pressing into the corner of her teeth. Definitely flirting. Killian chuckles under his breath, tossing the book on the nightstand and shifting enough that the blankets move with him and the edge of his t-shirt drifts up slightly and—

“Oh, you’re doing that on purpose,” Emma accuses.

“That’s an awfully certain type of suggestion, Swan.”

“And that’s not a disagreement.”

“Ah, well, it’s not wise to automatically agree with the monarchy, you know. There, at the very least, needs to be some banter. Easier to make a deal that way.”

She rolls her eyes, but the butterflies in her stomach aren’t just butterflies and his expression changes again. “Did you feel that?”

“Almost always, love,” he says, voice dropping slightly and they’ve moved, rather abruptly, out of flirting. Straight into feeling. And meaning.

And magic.

Of the unexpected variety.

“You think that runs both ways?”

Killian hums, brows pulling low. The mattress does not seem to appreciate how Emma flops on it, drawing a groan out of her and a laugh out of him and—“God, it’s like a stethoscope, sometimes!”

“You’re speaking in tongues, darling.”

She clicks her tongue, flicking her fingers on his stomach, but that only ends with his fingers wrapped around her wrist and his lips on her knuckles and his hook is freezing. “A stethoscope,” Emma repeats. “Like a doctor. Has a stethoscope and it’s freezing and you are—“

“—Freezing?”

“Not in a way that should be anything except a suggestion to take your shirt off.”

Killian’s laugh rattles out of him, lips moving to the top of Emma’s hair and her temple. He doesn’t move his hook. Or take his shirt off. They’ll get there eventually. Maybe. Probably. Hopefully.

God, she’s seriously the biggest sap.

“What I’m saying,” Emma starts, burrowing further into his side and his skin is warm. “Is that…if you can feel my magic, maybe that’s a two way street. You know, like, the magical river of True Love.”

“You are genuinely this realm’s worst storyteller, Swan.”

“Ok, well, there’s no need to be insulting.”

Another laugh, but this one is a little more nervous and a hint more cautious and Emma gets that. Totally. Completely. She wants it to worth both ways.

“I know it’s not normal,” she whispers, shaking her head when Killian makes some kind of noise to interrupt. “No, no, I mean—none of our life is normal, but this is exceptionally not normal and I still sometimes wonder if this is all a dream and I’m just—“ She takes a deep breath, eyelashes fluttering and teeth chewing on her lower lip. That makes the next few words more difficult to say. “Impossibly lucky,” Emma mumbles. “With you. And our kids. And this life and I don’t…I don’t want you to think that some stupid True Love thing would ever change any of that. You don’t ever have to cast a spell or do anything, but I guess I just wondered if I could…”

“Feel what I feel?” Killian finishes.

She is not surprised he gets it too.

Perfectly.

Completely.

No matter what.

Emma shrugs. “You don’t have to.”

“There’s no harm in trying, aye?” Killian asks lightly, fingers trailing over the curve of Emma’s elbow. He leaves goosebumps in his wake, a fluttering under her skin that’s been happening for years and isn’t really surprising anymore, something more wonderful and dependable and an even better word than that.

Emma is far too busy melting, though. Straight into the mattress. They need a new mattress anyway. This one shouldn’t creak like it does.

And it takes her a moment – far too much feeling and memories and she’d never felt anything when they were both Dark. She assumes that’s part of the deal. So, this catches her off guard, even after asking for it, but that may be because her eyes have closed again and her she’s not really breathing, but she can hear Killian’s soft exhale and it’s not exactly light.

It’s like…a spark, pulsing in the minimal amount of air between the tips of his finger and the top of her skin, a warmth that seeps into Emma and settles in her core, lights her from the inside out and leaves her own magic roaring in her ears.

“Shit,” she breathes, working another low laugh out of Killian.

“Gods, but you are eloquent.”

“Is that what you feel?”

“Depends on your answer, I suppose, Swan.”

“Like…I just—“ Emma shakes her head, trying to find the words and she’s only a little disappointed that she can’t. “I don’t know, like I swallowed the sun or something. Oh, oh, you know the beach?”

“I am familiar with the beach, yes.”

She sticks her tongue out, but the spark gets stronger and Killian’s lips land on hers with something bordering dangerously close to bruising determination. “I’m serious,” Emma grumbles, tugging on the front of his shirt. “When I was a kid, I was at this house once and—they took us to the beach one day. I think it was mostly so they didn’t have to turn the AC on, but…well, they took us to the beach and it was the first time I’d really seen the ocean and the sun was so—“ Her breath catches, and it isn’t easy to see Killian’s smile when she’s doing her best not to cry.

“It was so warm. And everything smelled like sunshine and sunscreen after. A heat that just kind of…hung in the air. It almost made that van thing they took us in bearable. I feel asleep. I never did that, usually, was always way too paranoid that if I didn’t watch exactly where I was going, they’d ship me somewhere else, but I was so comfortable and so warm and—“ There are tears on her cheeks. “This kind of feels like that.”

He kisses her again.

Bruising. Determined. True Love. And then some.

“I love you,” Killian mumbles, not bothering to pull his lips away from hers and the magic is gone, but she knows it was there and may continue to be there and—“I was worried it wouldn’t be…good,” he adds. “That it was…every time it’s kind of flared, I suppose, it’s been because something has been wrong. Us or the lass, but this is the first time I’ve been able to…focus like that.”

“Damn, that’s romantic.”

“I suppose those are the qualifications of True Love.”

Emma lets out a watery laugh, blinking away more tears. Killian’s thumb does a good job of helping with that. “Yeah, probably,” she agrees. “I love you too.”

“Good. And I’ve got one more theory.”

“About?”

“Regina mentioned that True Love can exist before the participants might be aware of it,” Killian says slowly, and Emma’s always relished that very particular tone of voice. When she can hear him thinking and pondering and it’s usually about her and them and she’s kind of greedy with it. “Well, I was thinking about that before. And you did actually hold my heart in your hand at one point, love.”

Emma blinks. And opens her mouth. And closes it. She blinks again. And her jaw drops. Because she’s gasping. And understanding.

“Oh shit,” she mumbles, another soft laugh and the press of his thumb on her cheek. “I mean—yeah, ok.”

“What is it you’re agreeing to, exactly?”

“Babe, this was your theory! And I’m agreeing to being, you know…I was pretty in love with you at that point. Probably pretty magical too.”

Something about the sun, again.

Killian moves or Emma moves or whatever, more lips and roaming hands, searing touches and something that sounds like several shirt threads ripping. And it’s good and great and True Love, Emma’s hand drifting towards his chest like there are magnets or the exchange of magic.

“You do that a lot, you know,” Killian murmurs later, the jut of his chin pressing into the top of her head and Emma is sure she’s never been this comfortable in her life.

“What?”

“Like you’re making sure it’s still there or something.”

“That was a long time ago,” she mumbles, but she knows he’s right and she absolutely is. Every time. Killian hums, pressing a kiss to her hair. “Oh, don’t sound so smug about it.”

“Was I?”

“Yeah, absolutely. I—I mean that totally happens, but. Ok. Is that a bad thing?”

He slides down, twisting to stare at her and there’s so much there. Too much. Not enough. Everything. “No, love,” he promises. “It’s not.”

There are more kisses. And a shout from the other end of the hall - a shrill daddy and mommy and neither one of them get much sleep, but there are still smiles on their faces the next morning, bags under their eyes and the smell of coffee in the air and Emma feels the spark under her skin as soon as Killian’s fingers graze hers.

[dragonflybelle]

Osomatsu-san PS Vita game translation - Karamatsu 11 - Rock Detective Karamatsu

Karamatsu: Detectives, huh... Heh, that's so rocking! 

Osomatsu: Oi, stop hogging the TV, Karamatsu.  Karamatsu: P, please wait. It's about to get to the good part.  Todomatsu: Ah, that drama is Rock Detective Takatake Hayato, it's popular right now.  Ichimatsu: What kind of a middle schooler name is that. Choromatsu: Don't you know it? It's a big hit drama, with ratings of over 30%.  Osomatsu: No way, is it seriously 30%? They're raking it in.  Ichimatsu: They should make it clearer whether he's a rockstar or a detective.  Karamatsu: He's a detective!  Jyushimatsu:  Hustle detective!  Karamatsu: A rock detective!  Ichimatsu: It doesn't matter anyway... Osomatsu: You know, in stuff like this, don't crimes always conveniently seem to happen in places where the detective is?  Todomatsu: That's right, you don't just come across murders normally. Choromatsu: But you see, this is fiction. If it didn't do what it promised in its premise, it would be boring.  Jyushimatsu: The promised twist! The steamy hot springs murder!  Osomatsu: Ha, that's a good one. Convenience is king.  Karamatsu: Can't you be quieter, brothers. This is a good bit.  Osomatsu: ...Fine. But in return, I'm changing the channel when it's over.  Karamatsu: Yeah, you can do whatever you want afterwards.  Todomatsu: Hmm, Karamatsu-niisan as a detective... 

Jyushimatsu: Hum hm hum, humm. Choromatsu: What are you doing, Jyushimatsu.  Jyushimatsu: I'm making dumplings to help get rid of cockroaches!  They're really deadly!  Choromatsu: Hmm?  Karamatsu: He's so cool, Takatake Hayato.  Choromatsu: Well, I do think he's cool, but isn't he a little old fashioned? "The culprit is somewhere in this room!" that's not something anyone says anymore.  Ichimatsu: It does feel worn out...  Karamatsu: Isn't that what's good about it! The classic way is the best!  Jyushimatsu: In a farewell grand slam home run way?  Choromatsu: No, I don't really understand if it's like that.  Karamatsu: No, it's exactly like that! He solves crimes in a rocking way, just like a grand slam home run!  Jyushimatsu: Yeah.  Osomatsu: Uh, this is getting ridiculous.  Karamatsu: No, from now on, I am a rock detective! The audience are demanding I solve crimes!  Todomatsu: Who is this audience, Karamatsu-niisan?  Karamatsu: The audience is... the.. it's, you know, the people watching...  Osomatsu: Oi, let's leave Karamatsu be and watch baseball or something.  Jyushimatsu: Baseball! Hustle hustle!! Aye aye!! 

Matsuyo: NEETs. I've got some wanted ads. It doesn't matter if it's a part time or a temporary job, just start working already.  Osomatsu: Ok.

Osomatsu: Wanted adds, they're bound to be just convenience store jobs and stuff like that. No way I could do it.  Choromatsu: Ah, there's an ad for a detective agency.  Karamatsu: There is!?  Choromatsu: Yeah, here. It says "Calling all rock detectives"  Karamatsu: ...!!  Osomatsu: They're definitely riding on the back of that drama. So uncool.  Todomatsu: Not even Jyushimatsu would fall for such bullshit.  Jyushimatsu: Yes!  Karamatsu: This is it!  Ichimatsu: Shittymatsu fell for it. Shit is definitely shit.  Karamatsu: This, this has got to be it! I'll become a detective and quit being a NEET!  Choromatsu: I don't think it's going to be that simple... Because, look here. There are some requirements.  Karamatsu: What's this, requires high level wisdom and deductive skills... Osomatsu: You don't have either of those for sure.  Karamatsu: No, I have them... probably. There are hidden talents sleeping within me!  Jyushimatsu: Wow, Karamatsu-niisan, are you going to become a detective!?  Choromatsu: I don't think people like us with no education or employment history can become one so easily though.  Karamatsu: Heh, my talents are about to bloom! I'm going to apply straight away! Karamatsu: Hello, I saw your wanted add... Eh, what's my educational and employment background? No, I don't have any educational achievements in particular... And I'm unemployed. No, but I'm sure I have high level deductive skills...! Hello?. They hung up...

Osomatsu: See, what did I tell you. There's no way we can do it.  Karamatsu: Heh, it seems that this agency couldn't contain all my talent. That's right, brothers. But if I give up here, I'll always be a NEET. Todomatsu: Then don't set you hopes too high on something like being a detective, just work normally.  Ichimatsu: But you're not working.  Osomatsu: Whatever, give up.  Karamatsu: Damn...! 

Osomatsu: Ugh... Guh...argh...!? Jyushimatsu: Osomatsu-niisan!! 

Osomatsu: U…gh, argh…!! Karamatsu: What...?  Choromatsu: Osomatsu-niisan! What happened!? Say something, Osomatsu-niisan!  Karamatsu: Wait, brothers! Calm down!  Ichimatsu: What, Shittymatsu? This isn't the time for that...!  Karamatsu: I'm telling you to wait! Osomatsu is already... dead.  Choromatsu: What are you saying? Don't say unfunny jokes like that! Hey, Osomatsu-niisan!  Karamatsu: Face reality, he's dead!  Choromatsu: Then I'll check... 

Karamatsu: Don't touch him!!  Choromatsu: Why!  Karamatsu: We don't know if he was killed by someone else or if it was suicide... It's the detective's job to preserve the crime scene until the police get there!  Todomatsu: But we're not detectives or anything like that...  Karamatsu: No wait... this was murder! And what's more, it was a cunning poisoning.  Choromatsu: Karamatsu, listen to us! And a moment ago you said you didn't know whether it was murder or suicide!  Karamatsu: I've decided it should be murder.  Choromatsu: What do you mean by should be!  Karamatsu: You idiot!  Choromatsu: W, what do you mean by idiot!  Karamatsu: Osomatsu is dead! Take it more seriously! Choromatsu: I could say the same thing back to you, Karamatsu!  Jyushimatsu: Ah, Osomatsu-niisan just moved!  Karamatsu: You idiot!  Jyushimatsu: Uhee!?  Karamatsu: If I say he's dead, he's dead!  Jyushimatsu: O, ok...  Todomatsu: Stop this already, Karamatsu-niisan.  Karamatsu: There's nothing else for it... I didn't want to say this, but... Todomatsu: I don't want to hear it, but what is it?  Karamatsu: The culprit is somewhere in this room!  Choromatsu: Hah!? Ichimatsu: What are you talking about.  Jyushimatsu: The culprit? Where, where!? Todomatsu: No, there's no way!  Choromatsu: Karamatsu, stop messing around! You won't become a detective by doing this!  Todomatsu: That's right!  Ichimatsu: Shittymatsu...! Actually you're not even shit, you're trash, no, you're Garbagematsu...!  Jyushimatsu: Is Karamatsu-niisan garbage?  Karamatsu: Dammit... At this rate the crime I luckily came upon is going to be all for nothing... But this is the critical moment which will decide whether or not I can become a detective. I need to ask that person for their advice...! Hello? Oi, please listen to me! The thing is...

Option One: Check if Osomatsu is alive or dead. 

Karamatsu: No, but Osomatsu is already dead...  Choromatsu: Of course they told you to check if he's still alive.  Karamatsu: Uh, t, that's... Choromatsu: Do you not understand something so obvious? You've got bigger problems than not being a detective. I can't keep playing charades with you, Karamatsu. Let me take a look at Osomatsu right away.  Karamatsu: ... Choromatsu: Osomatsu-niisan? Oi, Osomatsu-niisan. ...? It looks like there's something stuck in his throat. Ok, I'm going to thump his back. Osomatsu: Hack... hackkak... Choromatsu: He's alive after all. Maybe I should hit him harder. Hey, Osomatsu-niisan, cough it up! 

Osomatsu: Geee, gwack!! Haa... haa...Shit... I, I thought I was going to die...!  Choromatsu: There were some dumplings stuck in your throat?  That's like a three year old child, Osomatsu-niisan.  Osomatsu: Huh... how stupid, I let my guard down...  Choromatsu: I hope you've realised something through all of this. That crimes don't just occur anywhere.  Karamatsu: Ye, yeah...  Osomatsu: Karamatsu, you bastard! I heard everything! Because you kept saying I was dead, I nearly died! Pretending to be a detective even though you have no experience at all, you crappy jerk.  Karamatsu: Uh... Uhhh... Choromatsu: It's just like Osomatsu-niisan says. Listen, crimes don't just happen so easily and becoming a detective is really hard. It's not something those of us living a peaceful NEET life can do. It's for people graduated from a top university, studied the law, made connections in various places and have some financial backing. Enjoying a TV show is fine, but have some awareness of the difference between dreams and reality. 

Karamatsu: Uh, shit...!! Uh... hick, dammit. Everyone said such mean things to me... Chibita: Oi, I don't know what happened, but you're drinking too much.  Karamatsu: Even you're lecturing me now!? Chibita: No. It's no good, he's completely drunk.  Karamatsu: Hick... Even I, even I can be a real detective one day...!  Chibita: It's no use. Today's my treat. Drink until you feel better.  Karamatsu: Chibita, sorry... No, wait. Was that really the Osomatsu I know back there? And the same with Choromatsu. There's no way he would act that efficiently... I can't leave it like this! Detective Karamatsu's skills will shine this time for sure...! Wait for me, brothers!  Chibita: Well, I'm glad he cheered up by himself at least. But he ended up not paying after all.  Option Two: Please call the police.

Karamatsu: The, the police...!? (Wait, wait, wait, what if I call the police and this becomes a really big deal. I casually said that Osomatsu was dead, but they could get really angry at me.) N, no, this isn't something we need to rely on the police for. If I can't solve a crime on this scale, I'll probably never be able to become a detective.  Ichimatsu: It's not important whether or not you can become a detective. Hurry up and call the police...!  Karamatsu: Wait, I'm about to solve it!!  Ichimatsu: Hah? Oi, Todomatsu, give me your smartphone.  Todomatsu: Here.  Karamatsu: Please wait, seriously, please wait.  Todomatsu: Karamatsu-niisan... Ichimatsu: You just don't know when to give up. I'm going to call the police right now and that's that.  Karamatsu: Please! I want... to become a detective! Becoming a detective, solving the crime and becoming the most rocking guy in the world...!! This is my chance...!!  Ichimatsu: Do I look like I care, Shittymatsu. I'm not going along with your play pretend games. Karamatsu: W, w, w, w, wait, brother. Hey!? Hey!? We're brothers, aren't we?  Ichimatsu: I don't care. I'm going to call the police.  Todomatsu: Wait!  Karamatsu: Todomatsu...?  Todomatsu: Hey, Ichimatsu-niisan. Just let Karamatsu do whatever he wants.  Ichimatsu: What are you talking about? Are you saying that Osomatsu is dead now too...?

Todomatsu: It's just, you know. This is the first time I've seen Karamatsu-niisan so enthusiastic about something in a long time... If he wants to be a detective, then I think we should let him try. Let's wait a while before reporting this to the police. Maybe Karamatsu-niisan really can solve this crime.  Karamatsu: Todomatsu...!  Todomatsu: Karamatsu-niisan, don't worry about us...  Karamatsu: No, this is wrong!  Todomatsu: Karamatsu-niisan?  Karamatsu: I was... saying I wanted to be a detective while being willing to let Osomatsu die in front of me for my own benefit... There's no way a person who would do that could become a detective!  Todomatsu: Karamatsu-niisan...!  Karamatsu: Ichimatsu, call the police.  Ichimatsu: ...Ok.  Karamatsu: (After that, Osomatsu was brought back from the edge of death through emergency resuscitation. I'm sure he's happily off playing pachinko once again today. 

Todomatsu: Ichimatsu-niisan, we got a postcard from Karamatsu-niisan. 

Ichimatsu: Hmm...  Todomatsu: (After that incident Karamatsu ran away from home, lamenting about how unreasonably he'd acted, and is now traveling around the country as a priest. From the correspondence he occasionally sends, he seems to be doing well, and that's the most important thing. And it's probably the perfect job for a virgin like Karamatsu.  Ichimatsu: He ought to come home once in a while. 

Karamatsu: Hey, brothers! Stop making up stories about me while I've just popped out to the convenience store. And I wanted to be a detective, not a priest! Understand!?  Ichimatsu: ...Tsk Todomatsu: Tee-hee.  Karamatsu: Tell me why!!  Option Three: Believe in yourself.

Karamatsu: That's right... I should believe in myself!  Jyushimatsu: Oh!  Karamatsu: Why... Why is Osomatsu dead... !?  Jyushimatsu: Hum hmm hum, humm.  Karamatsu: ... Jyushimatsu: Death blow, overkill, extermination. Karamatsu: Jyushimatsu, what are you doing? 

Jyushimatsu: I'm making dumplings for getting rid of cockroaches. They're really deadly.  Karamatsu: These, these are poison dumplings for cockroaches...! Could it be... I think that this could be it...! Karamatsu: Have you been making those for a while?  Jyushimatsu: Yeah! They look delicious, don't they? They'll fool the cockroaches too.  Karamatsu: ...  Jyushimatsu: Hum hmm hum, humm. Cockroaches roly poly fall down dead.  Karamatsu: Oh my god...!  Jyushimatsu: What is it, Karamatsu-niisan?  Karamatsu: N, no... This was an unforeseen accident.  Jyushimatsu: Unforeseen? Karamatsu: (That's right, Jyushimatsu was just trying to get rid of cockroaches... If I say Osomatsu died from eating the poisoned dumplings he made now, he'll be really hurt.)  Karamatsu: Let's call an ambulance.  Jyushimatsu: Alright!  Karamatsu: And Jyushimatsu.  Jyushimatsu: What?  Karamatsu: There's no need to make the dumplings look so delicious. They're for cockroaches anyway so it doesn't mean a thing if they look good to humans.  Jyushimatsu: Really?  Karamatsu: And it's dangerous to carelessly leave them where people can see them. It would be awful if someone ate one by accident. Ok? Jyushimatsu? This is a secret between you and me.  Jyushimatsu: Aye aye!  Karamatsu: (After that, Osomatsu got his stomach pumped at the hospital and survived without any further problems. People can't die from cockroach poison so easily anyway. I kept the truth to myself and quietly gave up on my dream of being a detective...) 

Karamatsu: Heh, today I displayed tremendous powers of deduction.  Osomatsu: What are you talking about? It's not like there was any kind of incident to solve or anything. Even the doctor at the hospital said it wasn't that serious.  Karamatsu: Heh, brother. It was thanks to my precise instructions that you were treated so effectively.  Osomatsu: Yeah, yeah. So what was the reason I collapsed in the end?  Karamatsu: ...That's a secret. It's a delicate issue.  Osomatsu: Hah? That makes no sense at all.  Jyushimatsu: Wah, today's meat dumplings are delicious!  Karamatsu: So today's dinner is a pile of meat dumplings... ...Ugh!? Osomatsu: Hmm? What is it Karamatsu?  Karamatsu: Gwack, my, my stomach...! Matsuyo: Ah, by the way, I added the dumplings which were in the kitchen. I thought that it would be a waste not to.  Karamatsu: Hey... you probably shouldn't have done that, mother! 

[etcetezine-blog]

Put That In Etcetezine--I Mean, The Yearbook!

“Senior quote ideas!

Binterong

Celebrities

Oprah:

“You get a car, and you get are car, everybody gets a car!”

“Think like a queen. A queen is not afraid to fail. Failure is another steppingstone to greatness.”

“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”

“Some women have a weakness for shoes... I can go barefoot if necessary. I have a weakness for books.”

“Step Away from the Mean Girls…

…and say bye-bye to feeling bad about your looks.

Are you ready to stop colluding with a culture that makes so many of us feel physically inadequate? Say goodbye to your inner critic, and take this pledge to be kinder to yourself and others. This is a call to arms. A call to be gentle, to be forgiving, to be generous with yourself. The next time you look into the mirror, try to let go of the story line that says you're too fat or too sallow, too ashy or too old, your eyes are too small or your nose too big; just look into the mirror and see your face. When the criticism drops away, what you will see then is just you, without judgment, and that is the first step toward transforming your experience of the world.”

Emeril Lagasse:

“Bam!”

“If somebody has a chance to put my food in their mouth, that tells the story.”

Bill Clinton:

“I did not have sexual relations with that woman”

“When I was in England I experimented with marijuana a time or two -- and didn't like it -- and didn't inhale and never tried inhaling again.”

“I tried marijuana once. I did not inhale.”

“Sometimes when people are under stress, they hate to think, and it's the time when they most need to think.”

“You can put wings on a pig, but you don't make it an eagle.”

“When our memories outweigh our dreams, it is then that we become old.”

“Being President is like being the groundskeeper in a cemetery: there are a lot of people under you, but none of them are listening.”

“If you want to live like a Republican, vote like a Democrat.”

James Earl Jones:

“This is CNN”

“I don't ever want to be a sentimentalist. I prefer to be a realist. I'm not a romantic really.”

“Acting is not about anything romantic, not even fantasy, although you do create fantasy.”

“Speech is a very important aspect of being human. A whisper doesn't cut it.”

“The world is filled with violence. Because criminals carry guns, we decent law-abiding citizens should also have guns. Otherwise they will win and the decent people will lose.”

Groucho Marx:

“Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others”

“Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies”

“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”

“Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana”

“One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.”

“I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.”

“Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.”

“When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.”

“I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.”

“I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.”

“I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.”

“He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot.”

“If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.”

“Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, and I'm going to be happy in it.”

“Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.”

“Whatever it is, I'm against it.”

Books, TV Shows, and Movies of Our Childhood

The Suite Life of Zach and Cody:

“It was supposed to be a honey mist auburn!” Cody Martin “well honey you missed auburn bugtime” Zack Martin

“Yay Me!!!!” London tipton

London: I don't like this tangerine! Maddie: No, that is a Tam-bo-rine! A tangerine is what the audience is gonna throw at you!

Max: Everyone knows nothing rhymes with orange. Tapeworm: Oh yeah? What about "snorange"? Max: Thank you, Dr. Seuss.

Cody: Zachary! Zack: Codery!

Zack: I know he's having a miserable time. We have twin telepathy. It's like my brain is receiving phone calls from him.

Carey: Well, you have a bad connection. Hang up. Zack: Uh, uh. I can sense these things. Remember when Cody broke his leg and I sensed it? Carey: That's because you fell on him and broke it.

Cody: [on cell phone answering machine] Hi. This Cody using my mother's phone. Leave a message, and remember: numbers are your friend.

Moseby: Are you familiar with the gear shift? London: You mean the PRNDL? [PRNDL pronounced "prindle] Moseby: Are you referring to the shift lever that says P-R-N-D-L? London: I'm not a child Moseby, I know how to spell PRNDL. Moseby: It's not something that you spell, it is a gear shift. The letters stand for Park, Reverse, Neutral, Drive, and Low!! London: You're making me nervous with all this technical talk. Moseby: Oh! I'm sorry, Why don't we just relax, turn on the radio. Would you like AMMM or FMMMM?!

London: there are no buildings on the highway.

Maddie: Well in all fairness to London I have to say, even though I was being held against my will - and my lawyers will be in touch - she did a pretty good job driving up here.

Cody: Don't move anywhere! Your cornered around with my knowledge! Zack: Sure the only fighting skills he has is his brain.

Mr. Moseby: Your father has to stay incognito. London: Where is Cognito? Mr. Moseby: In hiding. London: Where is Hiding?

Maddie: It's a special night. Don't make me slap you.

London: Hey, every time I'm in the paper, my social life just gets better and better.

Moseby: We don't have a dungeon, but I can have him fired.

Cody: I've gotta win this science award. Then I can get into M.I.T. and invent a nanobot that eats oil spills and be able to retire comfortably while taking care of my aging mother and paying my brother's bail money.

Zack: So dyslexic, I am? Mr. Forgess: Well, it like looks it--I mean, it looks like it.

Kurt: That's what your mother said when she left me, and a few other things I can't mention.

London: It's just there are so many beautiful things out there to buy. How can you possibly resist them?

London: Yep. I've hit rock bottom. And I don't like rock bottom. It's so rock bottomy.

London: Daddy always says, competition's a good thing. It's a chance to crush people.

London: Well, you were wrong, with a capital R.

Cody:  Zack, this is a chance for us to really help people. I'm thinking about working with kids...You better take this seriously or you're gonna fail while I get an A. Zack: You're one of the kids I hate.

Carey: [to the twins] Hey, guys. What'cha been doing? Cody: Inspiring people to reach their full potential and achieve their dreams.

Maddie: You're going down! London: You're going downer!

Cody: [to Sanjay] Don't listen to him. That's what he always says right before we get grounded.

Zack: I have a plan… ,Cody:  Don't listen to him. That's what he always says right before we get grounded... Correction. That's what he always says right before we get grounded.

Warren: It's elegant yet casual. Bob: It's sophisticated yet tasteful. Zack: I think it's stupid yet stupid.

Trevor: And then she said "who" instead of "whom". I'm not a grammar snob, but it's just egregious when somebody uses the subjective case instead of the accusative case, hahaha!

Esteban: [sings] Rock-a-bye, chicken, in the tree top. Watch out for the farmer. Your head he will chop. [the children start crying] Zack: Don't you know any lullabies that don't involve decapitating poultry?

Moseby: At the league of extraordinary hotel managers. If only I could find out which guest he is, then I could make sure he gets the perfect dining experience.

Carey: If I give you guys pets, will you stop bugging me? Twins: Yes. Carey: Pet rocks. Don't overfeed them. Cody: I'm gonna name mine Tim.

Zack: You don't have to do everything Mr. Moseby says. We like to think of his rules more as... suggestions.

Cody: It's about doing your homework, eating your broccoli when Mom isn't looking! Zack: You offered it to me! Cody: Yeah, because that's what brothers do for each other! But it's never reciprocal! Zack: Huh? Cody: Reciprocal means it would be nice if you did something for me for a change! Zack: I did! You offered me money and I took it!

Carey: Relax, Cody. I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself. Cody: I'm not putting too much pressure on me. Harvard's putting too much pressure on me! Yale is putting too much pressure on me! Princeton! M.I.T! Stanford! Do you think they're out there looking for under-achievers? If I don't ace woodshop, I'll end up being one of those guys who sells hot dogs and sleeps in a taxi!

Zack: Do you think wood grows on trees?

Moseby: You know, the older I get, the more I realize that you have to look adversity in the face and say 'You don't scare me.'

Zack: That works for me. Because if tomorrow is going to be today again, then today is actually yesterday, which means that yesterday's homework isn't due today, it's really due... tomorrow!

London: Moseby, it's your birthday? Wait, you have a birthday?? Since when??? Mr. Moseby: Pretty much since the day I was born. Hence the term birth-day.

Mr. Moseby: Don't talk, and listen. Now, I am not going to fire Armando. I mean, you're the one who ruined the show. By the way, what happened to his real assistant?

Mr. Moseby: Oh ya, the oooops always makes it better. Perhaps you'd stick some bacon in my ears

Zack: The point is, there's a lot of great adventures out there, but you can't have any of them stuck in here with a bunch of weird bald dudes.

Mr. Moseby: In the weekend, that must be failed in the treasure hunt we'll never be able to do. Because of me, that always has to do with that the end of the story.

iCarly:

“In three two one, i know you see somehow the world will change for me and be so wonderful”

“You’ll rue the day carly shay, rue it!” Neville

Spencer: Well, it seems our sign is so bright and dazzling, it distracted one of the drivers below. [Hears another car crash] Actually, two of the driver-- [Another crash] Three of the dr-- [Another crash] Literally, many of the drivers below are being distracted by our extremely dazzling sign.

Spencer: Alright, don't worry too much about this yet, just... go do your homework or something. Carly: Kay. Spencer: I mean... YOU GO DO YOUR HOMEWORK RIGHT NOW, YOUNG LADY! Carly: Yes, sir! Spencer: AND JUST SAY NO! Carly: Always! Spencer: AND STAY IN SCHOOL! Carly: Maybe.

Carly: I'm not a child! I'm just young and short.

Spencer: No, there's a distinction. This is her homework schedule and a number for a tutor because she's been having a little trouble with science. These are the vitamins that she needs to take everyday. I only give her the ones shaped like dinosaurs. Granddad: Why? Spencer: Dinosaurs are cool. Oh, and she's really into drinking coffee, [whispers] but I always give her decaf without telling her.

Spencer: [to camera] Never forget to buy candy on Halloween.

Sam: This thing is full of top-notch freaks, mutants and psychos!

Sam: Ooh! I got kicked out of the cafeteria for slapping Gibby with a piece of pizza.

Carly: [speaking very fast] Yes, I did, too! He told me that he can beat his dad in arm wrestling, and I said, "No way," and he said, "Oh, no, it's true," and I said, "Wow, you must be really strong," and he said, "Well, I work out a little bit," and I said, "Really?" And he said, "Yeah, you wanna feel my biceps?" And I said, "Sure, I do," and so I felt them, and they felt awesome.

High School Musical:

“Cause its the start of something new…”

“Once a wildcat, always a wildcat” Troy Bolton

“I always liked the idea of being in charge of my future, until it actually started happening” Troy Bolton

“Ah microwave popcorn. Haha very funny” Troy Bolton

“Hip hop is my passion. I love to pop, and lock, and jam, and break.” Martha Cox

“It’s called crime and punishment Bolton. Besides, proximity to the arts is cleansing for the soul”

“Hey you know what? Someday you guys might thank me for this, or not” MC at the game

“While we are working, let us probe the mounting evils of cell phones… perhaps the most heinous example of cell phone use is ringing in the theater. The theater is a chapel of arts, a precious cornucopia of creative energy.” Ms. Darbus

Sky High:

“What a waste. I can't do anything more to help you. I'm not Wonder Woman, you know” Principle powers

“What's embarrassing him in front of the entire class going to prove? That is so unfair” Layla  “Yeah, well if life were to suddenly get fair, I doubt it would happen in high school’ Will Stronghold

“Now I know it's just our first day, but I already can't wait to graduate and start saving mankind... And womankind. And animalkind” Layla

“There's only one person authorized to transport superheroes: Ron Wilson - Bus Driver” Ron Wilson, Bus Driver

“And now, so many years later, that plan is complete. My only regret: This may be the finest super-villian speech ever given - and you don't even know what I'm saying!” Gwen

Ultra-Niche

“See you on the flip side!” Janet Anderson

“Make it a great day, or not, the choice....... is yours.” SPMS

Vines

“A potato flew around my room”

“Do it for the vine” Rip Vine

“F*** Ya chicken strips” That guy from vine

“You’ll never be s*** duck, you’re just like your father!”

“What up I’m Jared I’m nineteen and I never f****** learned how to read” Jared, 19