#ughhhhh it's so complicated........
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the more i think abt my silly crossover fic the more i find issues with it..... like. i just wanted to play with a few characters (ha. ha. there were 12) but i keep struggling with it. i don't have a good fit for a time player. but luka is there. i could shove him in. but then i'd have to rearrange things. and i might just rearrange things anyway! maybe it's different sessions that have to come together like the kids and trolls! maybe the ladybug team is the only one with a decent enough seed to sprout a new universe (being the only group with a space player and a time player) and they have to find a way to get the other sessions together. idk! idk!!!
#libra.txt#originally this was just supposed to be a vehicle for marinette&jim friendship. but i keep finding issues with it!#and i know i could just cut the dp team bc they don't really fit! i'm struggling with them the most!#or i could rearrange it so it's just danny (bc i hc him and jim as cousins in one au) and oops he's jim's sprite bc kernels love dead thing#but witch of life sam..... :(#really it's tucker that i'm struggling with there. jazz would be a great mind player but i didn't originally plan for her!#but i can't just get rid of tucker! he hacks the game!#ughhhhh it's so complicated........#and i even went and uncomplicated some of it! like rar's reply months ago: simply ungender these classes#maid of hope toby...... do you see my vision.........#although in that case bard of mind jazz would be funny..... yes she IS allowing herself to be destroyed bc she gets caught up in psychology#and decision making while also struggling with the concept of justice bc she loves her parents but what they've done is wrong!!!#etc etc. hm. much to think abt. lol.#sighhhhh. i will keep rotating it.#it's not like this would be a proper longfic anyway since. that doesn't come naturally to me!#i should just embrace writing short interconnected things and call it a day!
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#pmd eos#pmd2#pmd art tag#Dusknoir#Eevee#Pmd Dusknoir#Eevee/Ribbons#something something ‘Aimilios being scared to be close physically vs. Ribbons emotionally to Dusknoir#and something something ‘Aimilios wanting to hear it from Dusknoir that he was sorry vs. Ribbons trusting his actions rather than his-#-hollow words.’#I SPIN THEM IN MY HEAD EVERYDAY AND THINK ABOUT HOW COMPLICATED THEIR RELATIONSHIP GETS UGHHHHH#this took me (I THINK) a month on and off. HAPPY TO HAVE THIS DONE#I mightve missed some things here BUT I CAN ALWAYS ADD ONTO THIS LATER :)#(and not in the form of an exposition bomb bc I like making show-no-tell comics)#anyways HOPE YALL LIKE THE COUPLE OR SO COMICS I MAY OR MAY NOT BE WORKING ON FOR THAT LAST IMAGE#(aswell as shitposts)
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ji changwook as a pathetic heart of gold ex-boyfriend and shin hyesun as a goofy optimistic female lead going through a hard time? can’t believe there was a show made for just ME
#welcome to samdalri#DOOOO YALLL KNOW#HOW MUCH I LOVE MR QUEEN AND LOVESTUCK IN THE CITY#THIS IS LITERALLT MY FANON UNREALISTIC PAIRING COMING TRUE PLEASE IM DYING#IVR CRIED ALREADY AND ITS NOT EVEN A SAD SHOW#I JUST LOVE THEM BOTH SEPARATELY AND IT WORKS SO GOOD HERE FJDJDJJS#I loved her in mr queen so much bc she plays goofy cool girls so well like her demeanor and her energy gives old granny who makes dark jokes#AND LIKE UGH#ji changwook has been trying to be more comedic and romcom since he came back from the army#and I KNOW MY MANS POTIENTAL but his counterparts have not been good#not that they weren’t good at acting but the chemistry test just wasn’t there imo like his antagonist role is doing fine bc he has the look#but UGHHHHH YOU JUST HAD TO FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM DURING THE DRUNK CRYING SCENE IN LOVESTRUCK AND THATS WHERE I KNEW HIS BEST WAS THIS TYPE#loved him and jiwon actually bc he does ‘I’m pathetic for this complicated woman’ so well like idk how to explain it#their chemistry is great in samdalri bc her comedic timing and his pathetic guy thing is just so good I love it#it’s so SPECIFIC FOR ME
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everytime i feel bad and stressed about my life i remember that i might be in a troubling situation and having a bad time but im not season 4 fiona gallagher in the clink after leaving crack on the counter which my 3 year old baby brother happened to ingest resulting in a fatal near-death experience thats wracked me with never-ending guilt and forever altered my life
#this storyline was stupid you expect me to believe two-apples-tall liam gallagher came close to the crack AND managed to ingest it?#the crack which is lined up on the kitchen counter?#Also i don't believe that fiona would be irresponsible enough for liam to have been able to be close to the crack#that was an ooc moment and not like “its ooc cause thats the point shes going thru a tough time”#morelike “so ooc that it seems like a discrepancy that was overlooked for the sake of drama and shock value#as an older sister i feel like being watchful of your younger sibling if crack is in their general vicinity is an unstoppable instinct#its just not a plausible situation sorry like this is coming from someone who wholeheartedly embraces the realistic idea#of fiona falling short sometimes and being very human by struggling to consistently maintain her doting attentiveness#but anyways it's complicated cause Fiona clearly put it somewhere he cant reach#so how did he get access to it????#its like getting mad at a parent for putting a glass of wine on the counter#not comparing that to literal cocaine obviously this whole situation was nonetheless messed up#but just for some perspective... the writers were clearly doing cocaine themselves if they thought that#liam was bungee-jumping onto the counter and showing off his skills as an apparent budding olympics gymnast#not justifying anything but. listen.#the fact that it was on the counter FOR A REASONNN shows that fiona was careful to keep it out of reach and NOT do something insane like#putting it on the table#liam somehow magically having access to it defeats the purpose of it being on the counter.#if they really wanted for it to be believable that liam managed to snort it they should've put it on the table#but we already know that situation wouldn't be believable in its entirety cause we know that fiona would literally never leave it there#WHICH IS MY POINT. LIKE THIS SITUATION IS JUST ANNOYINGLY UNBELIEVABLE. FIONA WOULD NOT DO THIS AND HOW DID LIAM EVEN GET TO IT??#theres like 39482939 overlooked discrepancies just for the sake of getting to the shock#just to circle back Fiona would literally never let liam go near crack no matter how far gone and fucked up she was#I KNOW THIS BECAUSE I AM AN OLDER SISTER.#its just so UGHHHHH anyways obviously i still think in canon yeah Fiona was at fault shouldve been more careful and watchful#no matter how you look at it its clear that a risk like this just cannot be taken and she had to be blamed to an extent#but me personally? i reject it because it didnt feel natural to me at all there were 394939 other ways to frame a Fiona downfall#And i loved all the other ways her spiral was shown like getting messed up and ending up in Sheboygan#all the shit she got into with robbie + the impulsive urge to ruin the good thing she had going with mike#so human and believable and deeply flawed unlike the liam situation which was horrifically OOC and unrealistic
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Looking at the Austrian crown: 🥰😁😊😚😍
Drawing the Austrian crown: 😟☹️😥😢😰
Please someone save me, why did I do this to myself, look at this thing
#catie: has never draw a crown in her life besides sketching and chibis#also catie: instantly decides to try to draw the most complicated one#im cursing you rudolph ii why did you have to be so tasteful#i still dont know tho if this is easier or harder than the holy roman empire crown#i think the general shape of the empire one is easier but the details are harder? idk honestly#and the crown im drawing is barely in any paintings UGHHHHH#even the professional painters looked at this and were like yeah nah im just putting that in the background#i don't wanna just give up and take it out of the painting bcs i think its cool#but idk if i can draw this 😭 its so complicated#its not even entirely historically accurate for seb to be wearing it#BIT I WANT HIM TOO SIB SOB SOB BCS IRS SO PRETTY#theres paintings of past emperors wearing the emperor crown so really i should be drawing that#but the austrian one is so much prettier 😭#so basically this crown was used as a personal crown by one emperor until the empire collapsed and then it became the imperial crown#so like techinally yeah seb shouldnt be wearing it bcs its for austria not the empire#but like cmon...in this au hes the type to wear a crown casually bcs bling bling yknow#but i am constantly cursed by historical accuracy#IDK WHAT TO DRAWWWWWWW#bcs i already drew the other austrian imperial stuff so i want the crown to match but ughhhhhh#catie.rambling.txt
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why am i sad :/ (works at the sad factory)
#there is. a tenderness. to jobs that work with death. but it's still really sad. hmm.#i try not to death post too much BUUUUT#a patient with a poor prognosis i worked hard to at least get through surgery recovery so owners could euth on their own terms-#-passed away over the weekend. and they thanked me for my help. and the doctor gave me the news softly. like hmmmmm#hm feels complicated every time always#and one of my favorite patients we've been working with on a long difficult recovery for osteosarc amp is gonna be euthd in the next few-#-weeks. just talked to his dad#ughhhhh grr sad factory#work stuff#animal death#nobody needs to say anything btw I'm just throwing feelings into the ether
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i love psychology classes i love this shit. because i know like everyything but i get to share my opinions on the reading and i LOVE having opinions
#text#i definitely have a bone to pick with a lot of the field of psychology/psychopathology/etc & how it can be stigmatizing & traumatizing etc#for people who are already struggling with complicated and often disabling conditions and circumstances. and brother i'm picking it.#one thing i do hate about where i am like academically is that i know SO MUCH abt these topics but since all my informaiton has been from#therapy or from my own research i AM missing like. key points that i dont really know about. & thge stuff i know is definitely biased#towards things i'm more interested in or things i've researched for myself. but that means i spend like 14 weeks of class alreadty knowing#everytrhing and 2 just fucking speedrunning some section of psychology i knoww nothing about. like neurowhatever stuff i dont#get much at all like the physical brain/biology stuff. i vaguely know what a neurotransmitter is and the frontal lobe is the thing that doe#doesnt stop developing at 25 but everyone thinks it does. and thats all ive really got#like i do definitely need portions of these entry level classes but also ughhhhh. i know what anxiety is sherrie#Also i dont plan on pursuing psychology for like a career atm i just do not think i could handle a lot of jobs int he field and again i#am fairly critical of the field . i don't know enough about like antipsych stuff to have an opinion on that but i know that psychiatrists#often suck ass! and it's great when they dont but they often do. i don't remember what i was saying here
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maybe it's time for me to move on.............
#its been two months since the end of an eight month relationship and i havent so much as looked at a hot person in that time#i mean i've got a queer event in a couple weeks and i think thats The Place to meet someone because. realistically my gender is just-#-too complicated to date a straight girl#or a gay guy#so.#i've also learned my lesson about dating people i'm close friends with because that did not work out for me at all#really i just need like. a younger reincarnation of rafael silva to appear because he is the only person who will ever live up to my-#-obviously very high standards (i would date anyone who is morally decent and dresses nice if i thought they were interested)#while we're on this matter actually people who put no effort into how they dress is such a fucking ick#i went out to this thing a few weeks ago and there was a guy my age there and he asked me to dance (it was an Old Persons party hes a-#-family friends its a long story) but he was literally in a hoodie and i was wearing like a 400$ formal outfit#like man absolutely the fuck not this is a Nice Event why are you wearing *denim* what are you DOING#is it a bad idea to go to an event with the mindset of finding someone to be with by the way? because that is kind of how i'm thinking-#-about it but at the same time if i *dont* find anyone there that i connect with then that's fine. i mean all in good time cause at some-#-point i'm going to meet someone. i have enough faith in both my religion and my own person that i will meet someone who i like and who-#-likes me it just depends when that happens. idk i just feel like all my friends in relationships atm are dating to break up but i want to-#-find the person i'm going to marry someday. because i dont want to miss a single second with someone who will be the love of my life#ughhhhh idk#wait i just realised how long these tags are. shit i'm so single lmao#txt !!
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OR maybe i dont quit. less responsibility = way less stress, and my stupid job has been stressing me out an unreasonable amount anyway. i dont really want to quit bc the hours are literally perfect for me and despite everything i do like the job itself. plus im probably moving in around a year anyway so it's not forever. so maybe i just mentally check out a little & take it slightly easier for the year i have left?
#the 'demotion' isnt going to result in a pay decrease or anything. apparently the hours and pay will be the same it's the responsibililities#that will be different. but maybe it's a good thing in some ways. idk.#it's not exactly a clear cut demotion anyway. it's complicated but it's ostensibly a reshuffle#but only time will tell exactly what that means for me so. ughhhhh i dont know#.txt
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that post did not help i want one so bad 😭😭😭😭
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I dont have anything good finished for class tomorrow and I feel terrible why cant i at least find my 'sunday night where i dont feel like killing myself' post 😥
#im starving...but the only food available requires way more preparation than i have the energy for#estoy manteniendome a base de 3 vainillas#im extremely tired because i had the worst night ever but i really dont have the time to rest rn 🙃 and the migraine is back#i cant bring myself to finish this shit and it should be so easy but everything is so tiring and complicated somehow aaaaaaaaa#i know logically its HIGHLY likely they wont have time to look at my stuff tomorrow#but i still cant bring myself to not have smth just in case. ihavent been able to work on this for 2 weeks or more :(#i wish i could get the absolute joy of working in the game again but the hopelessness that in wasting everyones time#trying to work on this when it clearly sucks is stronger#ughhhhh i dont wanna look at screens anymore everything hurts :(#haunted.txt
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I have been overwhelmed with the desire to sit in bed and accomplish nothing
#a sock speaks#I gotta pack all my things to either take with me or store over the summer#I have a buildup of things to throw out bc H is big on recycling and some of these things are a little complicated to sort#I need to decide which textbooks to take home. my mom would probably like my New Testament books. I might need my Greek textbook for fall#today's the day I throw out all those hole-ridden socks I've been accumulating. it'll be easier to buy socks when I get home.#the decision fatigue on top of the actual fatigue. ughhhhh.#I'm so excited to go. I love the airport and I love going home.#episode 34 of till the end of the moon was so good. I love suffering.
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👑
#man looking at all these missing moment requests has me wishing I could pump fics out as fast as I used to#I was posting like once a week or every two weeks.#what happened to me#now I can barely get a 6k chapter out in under a month?#it's sad#and a bit disappointing#I just see all the mm requests and I wannnt to write them#i really do#but when I sit down to do it#I feel literally now inspiration#ughhhhh why is writing so complicated#i was feeling so inspired to write today and then out of nowhere I hit that wall again#I miss season one yr days#life was simpler then#personal#delete later
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.
#ughhhhh#why does my happiness about my engagement have to be complicated by my fear about telling/not telling my parents?#i wish i could tell them and just have them be happy#but i know that they won't be#and even though they've gotten to a point where they're more surface-level tolerant#they don't like my relationship on any level#and i so don't see them being supportive#it's not even that it would be that bad though#it would hurt but they probably wouldn't even say anything unless pressed#i might even get a 'well i hope it's making you happy'#but i know that they don't actually approve of me like that#and i just... i don't know. i can't right now.#but not saying anything feels like i'm lying#and the longer the gap between the proposal and my announcement the more awkward#and the more fuel they have to think/say that i'm not telling them because i have doubts that aren't there#why does it have to be like this?#i just wish i could know they were going to support me like they used to#pay no attention to the blogger behind the screen#(for the uninitiated that's my vent tag if you ever want to block it)
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gggrrrrrrrrrr im so done with it all
#just spend an hour trying to redraw one seam 🧘🏼♀️#salisha speaks#i think its good now but im still not sure :))))#fucking princess seam UGHHHHH#and its super complicated bc the armhole needs to stay the same size + the two sides of the seam need to be the same length#+ the seam needed to be taken in 2cm#it was uhhhhh hard and it sucks bc i still dont know if its right or not#and idk if a teacher will be there tomorrow to check :)))#its even more complicated bc the armhole it layed open bc of a balance issue#so the seam isnt even just one line in the drawing its two seperate lines wrkkwkriejrje#wait...#maybe tomorrow i can try to retrace it but as one line and then redraw it#idk if itll work bc its layed open but i can try 🤞🏻#anyway enough with this annoying stuff skfjdjkand#im gonna eat and then SLEEEPPPP im so tired
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Im at that point in the essay writing when I realise I don’t know what I’m fucking talking about
#like the barest amount of information I’m like ehhhh#and also these two countries I’m comparing just doesn’t fit to compare….#so something that is very prevelabt issue in one county isn’t discussed at all in the litt for#from that other country….#and honestly I could do this whole essay on just the one country by the look of it#it’s pretty damn complicated#but I have to compare the two….#ughhhhh#me#uni life yay#me in uk#my body shut down yesterday so now I’m a day behind my already pressed time schedule….
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