#ugh someone humble this man already

[musings-of-miss-j]

my favourite ‘so strong they fuck up the plot if given enough screen time’ character is back

[dadsbongos]

a king, his advisor, and the betrothed

@toxycodone the fic is here fren

11 K words / warnings - reader has vag n wears a dress once, threesome WOAH, p in v + p in a sex, oral (m receiving), kabru is a fan of inappropriate workplace relationships

summary - Laios cannot find a suitor on his own, so Kabru is forced to summon an old... friend... for help.

~~~

“Just… someone you would like, then.”

“Someone I would like?”

“Yeah! If you like them, they must be good, right?”

“This isn’t about… ugh, fine.”

Kabru already knew exactly who to set up with Laios, but he wanted to grant himself a few more hours of delusion by drafting a list of desired traits.

.

.

.

A queen should be: diligent and humble, wise and patient. Honest.

Ideally, a short-lived king should marry from another short-lived race. Any children will therefore be short-lived as well, which Kabru considers highly preferable. Another tallman is his best option to keep infertility sparse.

Laios’ personality will need to be accounted for as well (Kabru finds that the longer he dawdles, the more fun he has hypothesizing Laios’ perfect match).

Laios, specifically, needs someone blunt and unencumbered by conformity -- the man seems to thrive when others feel comfortable speaking frankly with him. Someone from another royal court will not do, and especially not someone descended from direct nobel blood. Furthermore, Laios is clueless as to what his own title ensues, so he does little more for his countrymen than make appearances or pass budgets and bills. So for Kabru’s own sanity, someone intelligent and inclined to make Laios do his actual job is also preferred.

They must balance indulgence and sobriety for the man’s antics, as well as willingness to sit through Laios’ obscure personality.

Wait…

“No,” Kabru scratches that last half of his sentence, ink bleeding across the page, “What kind of matchmaker settles?”

They must like Laios, and Laios must like them. Laios is not a man Kabru can envision enduring loveless marriage, it’d be too awkward and the dolt would have it annulled.

Someone not petrified by monsters and intrigued by Laios’ strange personality, but also not so deranged as to be exactly like Laios.

Again, a single name comes to Kabru’s mind, but this time he does not put it off. He’s had his fun scheming, now he must draft a letter to the Northern Continent. To a village chief’s firstborn -- acquainted well enough with basic politics while also sharing a similar upbringing with Laios.

You’re perfect.

You’re also…

“An ex-party member?” Laios’ eyes skim over the contents of Kabru’s summoning letter, addressed at the top to you, “Cool.”

“Yeah, an ex-party member,” Kabru sighs to himself, imagining Rin beating him over the head with her staff right about now, “I think you should know, I briefly- ”

“Kabru,” Laios shakes his head, grinning, “I don’t care. If you trust them, I do.”

Briefly -- sure -- if an entire year and some months was brief. Kabru sighs louder and decides to let Laios find out on his own, since the king is so determined to look cool and easygoing.

In any case, you’ll be fond of Laios, Kabru’s certain.

Certain, and also dreading.

Year 512

“Where’d you find the space case anyway?”

“You sound upset.”

“Look!” Rin flings a gloved arm straight out, gesturing heatedly towards where the party’s newest member is staring straight at the first floor’s cracked ceiling.

Both hands squeezing the straps of your pack, you leave your throat completely exposed in order to gaze at a dark, faraway roof. The ease with which Kabru could slit your tender neck is comical, he finds it more concerning than charming. Any hoodlum or hooligan could rob and beat you blind and you’d be incapable of a proper defense.

“Let me handle it,” Kabru hopes to placate Rin with a soft grin, its success is limited because Rin’s known him long enough to push through his gushy exterior. She puts up no fight, thankfully, and let him approach you alone, “Hey!”

“Shh!” you hiss cutting your fingers along your jaw to silence him. His shock and horror at your rudeness must be visible because you wave that same hand around and smile, “Sorry. It’s just…”

Pointing up, your stare returns to the ceiling. Eyes wide and lips curled with glee. Kabru heeds and grimaces: glistening slimes the shade of clovers goop between gaping slashes in the ceiling. Pulsating and shivering as one beating organ, Kabru can’t think up a more disgusting sight.

“Slimes are sensitive to the heat we exhale, so the louder you are the easier they can find you.”

Blinking at you as inconspicuous as possible, Kabru asks, “Why stand right under them then?”

“They’re so weird. They don’t look intelligent, but they move around easily and developed such a scary way to trap prey. Pretty neat.”

Kabru has half a mind to cut you out of the party just for saying that, until you tack on a,

“Still super gross, though. We should move before they notice us.”

Kabru nods, watching you cross towards the rest of the party before following with a silent prayer that you’re not actually a monster fanatic.

His prayers are answered on the second floor -- your party is down, Holm and Daya crumpled over on opposite sides of the tree den. Kuro is strewn over a shaking, teary Mickbell with a bloody gash in his back. Rin has a similar slash, only deep in her gut and Kabru can tell she’s bleeding out fast.

While he prides himself on his wit and light thinking, Kabru is horrified by the sight of his party in agony. Planning so far ahead of himself he’s trying to scheme how to charm a passing healer into aiding Rin or reviving Holm, meanwhile he can’t even be certain he’s going to survive this attack. His own life is on the back on his mind, body stiff in preparation to swing his sword and cut off the chicken head of a charging Basilisk.

But how should he cut? It has to have a carotid artery, or a heart, but where? What if his strike is at a wrong angle and the snake side gobbles you all up.

Suddenly, the glint of your sword blinds him -- you snip the snake in half, exploiting the monster’s following stagger to round its body and stab through the Basilisk’s head. Tearing outward and splattering Kabru in blood as the beast drops.

He looks to you in silence, knees sore and wobbly and hands a shaking wreck.

Simply, you say, “The snake head is the real head, so if you attack that end first the chicken tail is distracted and easy to sneak up on,” then, you notice his trembling, “Oh, sorry…”

As if waiting for permission, Kabru’s body gives out once your hands find his shoulders. You smooth a palm over his back while shredding the loose material of your blouse to mop up the mess. Gently soaking Basilisk blood from his face with a frown marring your face, continuously murmuring apologies.

Kabru takes your wrist in his hand, blinking back his shock to sigh, “Thank you.”

Suspecting there’s more words jumbled on his tongue, you patiently wait that way: knelt beside Kabru as he squeezes your wrist.

“I think we should go back to the surface.”

You nod quickly. Much quicker than he’d assume you would given how directly you dealt with the terrifying Basilisk, “Do you want me to head back and get corpse retrievers? I doubt we could carry everyone up by ourselves.”

He takes note of how you specifically exclude Mickbell, presumably due to the young man’s hysterics.

The sharp tang of raw iron is filling Kabru’s nose, he chokes on it. He can’t stand to smell it a second more.

“No,” but inhaling through his mouth makes him taste it, rotting each bud on his tongue, “No. I’m the party leader, I should get them.”

Your eyes are lidding, no shock or awe found in the twinkle of your iris -- you were expecting this response.

“Sure, Kabru, I’ll wait with Mickbell.”

You don’t call him out on it, though.

Once the party has been revived and Kabru’s thrown the men their coins, you suggest the crew return a floor above.

“I’m sure nobody wants to eat where they died, so let’s have lunch up there and save instead of visiting a stall,” you gasp quietly and cover your mouth, then deferring to Kabru, “If that sounds good to you? Sorry… I shouldn’t have spoken so boldly like that…”

“No, you’re right,” even though he’s not looking to confirm, Kabru can feel Rin burning holes into his skull with her glare, “I think that’s a good idea.”

Secretly he’s glad no outsiders heard you make that call -- he isn’t ashamed to be bossed around by someone in a blouse, but he’s also not unrealistic. Others seeing that could threaten his meager status among the adventuring community. He’d be the wimp pushed around by his own members.

Interrupting his spiral, again, is you, “Okay, let’s get going then!” you clamp another hand over your mouth, “Right, Kabru?”

“Right.”

Thankfully, it is just your party who only finds your zealousness comedic rather than an opportunity for mutiny.

Returning visit to the first floor proves you about as useful as the initial one did.

Holm and Daya are unpacking rations with Mickbell and Kuro straggling at the edge of the blondes’ conversation. Rin is fetching water. Kabru is watching you; and he knows he should be either helping Rin, or lecturing you to help Rin, but he keeps watching.

He cannot hear you, but he knows you’re speaking -- crouched to make eye contact with a pair of slight humans. Round cheeks and marblesque eyes tell Kabru they’re just scratching at maturity. Not even thirteen.

The shorter one, a boy with freckles, picks at tender plumes of skin around his nails, knees shaking. He finds no voice, but the girl beside him does. She squeezes the shirt over her heart and her brows furrowed with passion, he can barely make out the words: mage, fourth, corpse retrievers.

One of your hands is perched on your bent knees while the other grazes along the forsaken graveyard, your head tilts and if he really forces his ears then Kabru can hear you ask, “How did you get separated?”

The girl’s shoulders go lax, lip twitching down as she sputters a reply. The boy’s picking grows frantic, his head shaking and voice shivery (this time Kabru can pick up: without her, no chance).

Kabru’s gaze hones on you, dissecting each twinge in your face as you process the information. Daya and Holm’s voices become vague, like buzzing insects, even Rin’s agitated staring from the fountain is pushed out of focus. How will you react to these children?

It's a horrible story, he’s sure. He’s so sure it’s a truly heartbreaking tale about two little ones separated from their ward on a lower level due to a snap decision from fear. However, it could also be just that: a story.

Criminals banned from The Island’s coasts often seek refuge in the bowels of the dungeon. Kabru feels confident that as this dungeon continues to fester unconquered: criminals are beginning to raise their children here.

If you blindly follow them down, you’re a fool. If you hand over all your party’s gold, you’re a fool. If you do nothing, you’re heartless. Heartlessness can be worse than foolishness, at least fools have good intentions.

Fingers wrap around the stem of a limping flower and pull, cutting it clean from the floor and holding the plant for both children. You push your hand closer to the kids, waiting until the girl grasps the flower before speaking again,

Something long winded, and judging by the shudders racketing down the boy’s frail body something rather dismal too. Yet you’re beaming up at the children, then they’re smiling as well. Rising to your feet, you brush moss stains from your knees and wave the children off with a promise Kabru can actually hear,

“If my party finds any retrievers, we’ll send them down.”

With eager nods, the kids sniffle and affirm their bravery to you -- the girl cradling the plucked daisy to her chest. You return to your party’s camp and boldly declare,

“I think we should try reaching the fourth floor soon.”

Rin bonks you with an elbow to the side, “Where’s this enthusiasm when I needed help carrying the water?”

Rubbing the tenderized area, you laugh and accept her frustration, “Sorry. Got caught up.”

“Obviously,” Rin sighs, falling to her knees around the party’s temporary camp.

Kabru sits as well, still observing as you apologize to Rin again though your eyes trailing the kids as they heft food packs onto their shoulders and begin their trek.

Mickbell settles into Kuro’s lap, Daya has begun digging into her plate while Holm ensures everyone has a filling portion. Rin agrees to dissolve the tension, meaning you two can begin gaffing amongst yourselves. As if you never left, the party is normal.

Despite your itch to reach the fourth floor as soon as possible, you don’t mention the interaction whatsoever.

Overall, Kabru considers your first dive with the party a cohesion success.

Year 515

“Don’t speak over or interrupt. Got it?”

“Okay.”

“At all.”

“Alright.”

“I’m serious,” Kabru’s eyes widen a smidge, as if to force how pertinent it is that Laios absorbs this lesson, “I’m still upset about the meeting last week.”

“I didn’t know he wasn’t done talking,” Laios frowns, shrugging in an obnoxiously coy play, the worst part being that Kabru knows Laios does it in earnest. His stupid kicked-puppy stare is entirely genuine, “That guy takes long breaths, it’s hard to tell when he’s done.”

“Well try harder to tell now,” a wave of guilt hits Kabru in the chest, heart squeezing at the sight of Laios’ frown deepening, “I don’t mean to upset you. I just… I want this to go well.”

“I do, too, you know?”

Kabru finds that hard to believe, but Laios isn’t lying to him right now. He’d know otherwise. Whether Laios can make a positive impression will have to be seen, but the man clearly has no intentions of sabotaging himself.

For all his lackluster socio-political ambitions, Laios is still a good king: insightful to the experience of commonmen and quick to new ways of strengthening their country. He has yet to give citizens, or Kabru, valid reason to question his ability to rule.

“I’m sure,” Kabru turns in his desk chair, bracing his forehead with his palm, “Let’s get this finished then.”

“But- “ Laios hesitates when he’s shot an icy glare from Kabru, “But I’m so hungry…”

As if to punctuate his torment, Laios’ stomach grumbles. Loudly. Echoing through the informal setting of Kabru’s personal quarters.

“My poor royal majesty,” Kabru coos, inked with sarcasm, “Will you survive till lunch?”

Laios’ eyes go thin, arms folding, “Don’t demean me.”

“It’s one meal. You’ll hardly die. The faster we finish this paperwork, the quicker we can usher you to breakfast.”

“I want to go now,” Laios, with no sense of self, lays his lips into the crook of his advisor’s neck. Soft, plump flesh scorching Kabru’s pulse, then a cold flash of bone: teeth, “I’m starving.”

Bladepoint canines puncture Kabru’s skin, shock blinding him to the scathing scratch till after Laios has already pulled away. Saliva stringing them together before Laios snaps it, sloppily swiping the wrist of his sleeve across his mouth.

“Disgusting,” Kabru starkly avoids eye contact by glaring at the sheen of spit on his shoulder, cupping the inflamed flesh, “Go change your shirt now, it’s not a handkerchief.”

He doesn’t remember when he first felt comfortable being so venomous around Laios, only that it's easier than trying to be pleasant all the time.

“After I eat?” Laios prompts.

“After you eat,” Kabru massages his tensing temples, working away the headache as it builds.

Upon Laios’ exit, Kabru traces the shallow indents with his fingertips -- lashes fluttering against his cheeks at the resulting faint sting. Now he’ll be forced to find a new shirt of his own, one that hides his bruising mark.

Year 513

“As long as we don’t piss off any living armor, we should be able to get to the fourth floor, at least,” you nod to yourself, hands steady and body firm as you hold up your homemade map of the area.

Raucous groans follow your cheery assessment, and a cursory glance back shows your party in disarray: Rin and Holm have heavy, discolored bags beneath their eyes. Daya is leaning against her axe with quaking arms while Mickbell coils around Kero’s shoulders. Even Kabru can admit he looks worse for wear, or assumes he does because he certainly feels at his worst.

“Oh, unless you all want to head back?” you roll the map up and wave a hand dismissively, almost seeming ashamed of the previous suggestion. Cautious to maintain a soothing and even tone, clearly doing your best to prevent any of them from feeling coddled or mocked.

Not that he truly wants to, but Kabru agrees, “Probably for the best. We’re running low on food, so we should save what we have for the journey back.”

“Makes sense,” you don’t appear disappointed or discouraged, “There’s always next time.”

“Enough optimism,” Mickbell whines, “It’s making me all nauseous.”

“Be nice,” Rin chastises, then looking at you forlorn, “You could probably carry on without us.”

Her dejected lilt prevents any accusations of wanting you to go it alone.

“No way, I’d go crazy by myself!”

Kabru reads that instantly as a lie -- if your scrunching brows and fidgeting hands weren’t telling enough then perhaps you don’t remember confessing to him your days as a solo adventurer.

You could easily carry on without the rest of the party. Hell, you could even join a better, stronger party -- the Toudens, maybe. They’d chomp at your skills if they cared even a little about their fellow men. Kabru bets you would even be able to form a party of your own with ease.

“We’re strongest when everyone’s at their best, after all,” you reassure, turning your back on the dream to hit fourth floor this crawl in favor of aiding your party’s exhaustion, “As long as we can go that deep eventually, I’ll die happily.”

Kabru doesn’t bring up how rapidly approaching the date for you to sail back home is, he gets the sense you wouldn’t want him to.

“Well don’t go keeling on us as soon as we do,” Rin’s scowl loosens, only slightly, when you smile in return and loop an arm through hers.

“Of course, not, Rin. Who else would terrorize you if I died?”

Quickly, the mage’s dark eyes flick to Kabru before returning to you, “I have an idea.”

“Oh, duh.”

Her gaze lingers on the way you’re staring at Kabru and how Kabru stares back. She must read his fondness because her forehead wrinkles up and she tugs you forward, “Yeah, duh.”

Year 515

Kabru’s foot taps impatiently, knowing it’d be improper were he to rush over and help you down from the carriage himself. But forgive the man, he’s in a hurry to have you at his side again.

He wonders if you wear the same perfume.

He wonders if you’ll take to Laios immediately, or will it take the entire two weeks before your wedding ceremony for you to warm to him?

Most of all, he wonders if he can compose himself during the entire courting process.

“Hey!”

Kabru’s mind snaps back into the present at your call, you’re charging over with an ecstatic wave. He waves back, calmer and centered towards his chest.

“It’s great to see you again!” you effortlessly knock the polite handshake Kabru extends aside to wrap your arms around his shoulders, “Imagine my surprise, the first time you send a letter is to try and marry me to a king!”

“I never found the time to write back when things finally got interesting,” Kabru bluffs, returning your hug. Warmth spreads between the both of you, if he focuses hard enough he can make out the dull thud of your heart, “Hopefully this makes up for it.”

“Definitely,” you pull back, rolling your eyes, “Father made my brother village chief while I was on The Island, so there wasn’t anything left for me to do there.”

“Perfect time to get one up on your brother. Even just marrying into royalty is better than village chief.”

You hum thoughtfully, “Let’s meet Laios Touden first. I remember he was kind of a weird guy, no?”

“He still is,” Kabru shrugs, turning to guide you into the main hall as men lug your bags towards the castle’s south wing, “He’s nice, at least. Wants to make living easier,” he glances back at you over his shoulder, “Handsome, too. You must remember what he looks like.”

“I remember he was big.”

“Strong, yeah,” Kabru slows to match paces with you through the rolling corridors, “Nice jawline, pretty eyes, and the slope of his nose isn’t terrible. He’s kind of an outstanding specimen, physically I mean.”

“Oh…” you press a hand over your mouth to keep from laughing at his rambling, “So his looks do the heavy lifting?”

“Just something to keep in mind,” he pauses outside a set of tall double doors, one hand braced against the hanging, solid black handle, and the other drawing circles into his temple, “His unique personality hasn’t faded with becoming king.”

“How interesting.”

“That’s a word for it.”

Laios is slumped comfortably back into his throne, sunlight complimenting his bored expression before he notices the pair pushing through his grandeur. Immediately, his eyes sink into you, scrawling from the top of your head to your feet in blatant observation. Staunchly, his gaze remains respectful to your modesty, indicating he’s purely sizing you up; perhaps confirming whether or not he could take you in a fight. Or to use you as a meager replacement for his monsters, studying your anatomy and mentally attaching tails and horns and heads where he sees fit.

“King Laios,” you politely remain behind Kabru. Your own gaze lurches over the king’s body as well, much less clinical than his examination -- you already know you could take him in a fight. What you want to imagine now, is if he’s the outstanding specimen that Kabru claimed, “So nice to see the Golden Kingdom for myself.”

“Prettier than the North,” Laios, much to Kabru’s unspoken irritation, scratches the back of his head without grace, “You’re from there too, right? How has it been? I haven’t been in awhile.”

“Oh, you know,” none of the men from your village look like Laios, despite their hard labor they aren’t built like him. Big. Beefy. Chewable also comes to mind; you could chew him up and be full of protein. From the little pouch of his stomach you surmise he isn’t cut or excessively defined, which drives you mad, “Same as usual. Cold and quiet.”

“Mhm. How about the monsters up top? I don’t think anybody from my village was willing to slay them,” he folds his arms, legs spreading as he readjusts for comfort, head ticking curiously, “I’ve been thinking lately that they could be overrun by monsters if nobody fights them off.”

Kabru’s irritation grows, having to claw at his thighs to restrain from choking the man. He may be older and bigger and more powerful than Kabru is, but Laios is the most painfully oblivious man in the world. He just has to be. He’s so focused on not attacking his king that Kabru almost misses how eyes scald his side at the mention of monsters overtaking the North.

“I haven’t noticed anything unusual,” and you mean that, the North truly is as boring as it was when you were growing up, “Maybe more acceptance for magic, but that’s mostly to combat the increase in ghosts.”

“Increase in ghosts,” Laios’ eyes bulge, posture straightening out in vivid excitement, “Do they know why there’s so many? Do they just wander around, or do they remain in cemeteries?”

“Ah, King Laios,” you try to hide the way your eyes bounce repeatedly towards Kabru’s rigid frame. His hands are balled, even shaking, and his stare is aimed over the king’s right shoulder, “Perhaps we could get some privacy before discussing such things?” you boldly step forward, correctly assuming Laios would take no offense at the intrusion, “We should get to know each other on our own.”

“Oh, right!” Laios waves a dismissal towards Kabru, apologizing for holding the man so long.

You don’t ask Kabru if he’s okay before he leaves, but you take one of his hands and squeeze it gingerly. Smiling tenderly and bidding him well. A soft halo of gold ringing around your head from sunlight pouring through glass panes.

“Don’t let- ” just as he’s apologizing for his king, you silence Kabru.

“I’ll form my own opinion,” you release his hand, still grinning, “You trust me, don’t you?” he nods, of course he does, “So trust me to gather my own thoughts, okay?”

Oh, God that cannot be a good sign.

Please, please, please -- he’s contemplating getting on his knees to pray outside the doors -- please don’t let his reaction to Laios’ monster obsession make you hate the king. You’re his only choice, the only one that will do!

You’re kind and strong willed and beautiful and he’d love to have you living under the same roof as himself.

Not that that has anything to do with his decision. No, no, that would be idiotic.

That would be the worst plan he’s ever planned in his entire life. So, he’s glad it's separate from his real motivation.

At least, he’s glad until that night. Alone in his bed with only moonlight shining along his pristine sheets.

For hours Kabru has been cooped in his room, and technically he’s been cooped in his mind even longer. Since the second a passing pair of guards relieved him from lingering outside the throne room, Kabru blindly stumbled through his messy thoughts.

Worse now than ever before is the desperation to know. Clawing him apart from the inside out. He needs to know.

To know what you’re feeling. To know what’s being said. To know why you two never came out, even hours after Kabru left. In explicit detail, he must know. What you like about Laios, what you don’t, what you find attractive, if you got hot in the face when you saw him, if you ever felt that way about Kabru, if you think Kabru’s attractive, if you accepted his invitation just because Kabru sent it or because you truly wanted to meet Laios.

He can’t just ask, so now he must meticulously set up a series of precision events to fish the information out.

Because your hesitance to emphatically accept the proposal confuses Kabru. You’ve never been particularly picky about partners, but you’re not the type for manufacturing attraction to spare a person’s feelings. So theory one is that Laios is not physically appealing to you.

Though not even that explanation makes sense. To be short, Kabru doesn’t understand how you couldn’t be attracted to Laios. Such strong, determined features demanded attention; and trust, the attention would be positive.

Broad shoulders and meaty thighs, Laios’ build is admirable on its own: Kabru could sink his teeth into Laios’ bicep and never cut bone. Aside from that is the healthy fluff of blonde hair his king keeps trimmed, as well as his face. Remaining clean shaven gives an air of proper hygiene and self-sufficiency that makes Laios seem more attractive.

Kabru cannot fathom how you’re not preparing vows yet.

That thought makes him shoot up in bed, eyes wide and a hand curled into his churning gut.

Why can’t Kabru fathom how you’re not preparing vows? Why does he find it so peculiar?

That type of questioning, this obsession -- it implies Kabru wants to prepare vows, doesn’t it?

With ragged grumbling Kabru collapses back into his mattress, letting his fried brain melt through his ears as he finally attempts giving in to sleep.

…

He wakes to a nightmare the next morning -- you and Laios are alone in the great hall, sitting shoulder-to-shoulder on the end closest to the kitchen. Chairs pushed so close the armrests are peeling against each other, elbows knocking as Laios forgoes all table etiquette. Not once do you scold or demean him. Instead seeming too engrossed at the ear-nibbling of shapeshifter trivia Laios is laying down.

“Did you ever run into one?” Laios asks, eyes a little too glittery for someone who must’ve woken quite early for this private breakfast, “My dad had our dogs follow herds so we could spot them in the flock.”

“Dogs can tell which sheep are fakes?”

“Oh, yeah! Dogs can tell by the smell,” Laios taps his nose, “I wonder what the difference is, don’t you? Do they smell more sweet, like dirt? Or do they have no smell at all since their illusions?”

“Maybe a Kobold would be able to tell you? Their anatomy is dog-like, after all.”

“I thought so, too! But there’s not many Kobolds native to the North.”

“Well, hopefully you can find out one day,” then you bite for more monster facts, “I did always wonder what my own shapeshifter could look like. Don’t they read people’s minds to make their copies?”

Laios’ silverware clatters away, tinking loudly on the glass plate, hands flexing hysterically, heart jumping to his tongue, “They do, they take other people’s interpretations of you to confuse your company into keeping it around.”

“How thrilling,” you muse.

“It’s a shame I’ll never get to see or make another one,” he lifts his fork, pushing meat and eggs around his plate glumly, “Would’ve been fun to see what you look like in my memory compared to the real thing.”

“You can tell me now,” your palm bares his shoulder, leaning over your chair and towards his own. Laios’ honey eyes dip, tracing the shape of your lips which makes you lean even closer, “How is it that you see me, Laios? Would I be flattered?”

“I hope so,” he blurts.

Kabru backs away, rattling door hinges before slumping back into the corridor. Rotten thoughts of how lovely you are corroding his brain. You’re so lovely to nip at your betrothed’s interest wholeheartedly, no matter how unconventional.

You’re so lovely it's all consuming.

You’re so lovely he can’t remember when or why, exactly, he fell in love with you.

You’re so lovely he thinks he might have just always been your emotional pin cushion.

There remains to be a single thing Kabru could name that made him fall in love with you.

Kindness is much too bland of a trait. And you wanted the wellbeing of others, but that’s something Kabru expects from people. You are pretty, but that’s no reason to daydream about buying a house together. Perhaps it was a combination of all three that mixed lethally well with how much time you spent together.

That, with how detrimental party romances are to group fallouts, maybe made you more desirable? Could that be it?

You were a new, fascinating person he couldn’t pick apart as soon as he gazed upon you, and you knew exactly how to swerve his expectations. You loved listening to him mutter about the interlocked nature of humans: one man cheating on his wife in Kahka Brud undoing a port in Melini. But you stepped away from interpersonal Island gossip. You could rattle out seven variations of man-eating plants but couldn’t stand to even look upon the vegetation without grimacing.

Approachable with a thin smile and batting lashes, beautiful and quiet. Very quiet. You hardly ask anything of others. It should make you seem ominous or menacing, but no part of him feels endangered by you.

Kabru always felt so comfortable around you that, despite knowing his other party members longer, he found you the easiest to converse with. Before he could realize himself, you’d crawled over so many emotional walls without letting him bypass a single one of your own.

You’re his worst nightmare, he craves you more than oxygen.

Year 513

The tavern door opens with an outrageous squeal. If the mood were different, then you would probably make a humorous remark about the aged hinges. But the mood isn’t different. Things are tense and he just wants to go home now.

Even twinkling stars blink away to avoid giving his humiliation anymore attention. Moonlight rudely oozes over you both, though, reminding him how much he prefers the sun. The moon always seems to follow him when he’s whirled in his worst turmoil.

You step into the tavern first, holding the cranky door open for him. He’d thank you like the upstanding young man his mother raised… if only the mood were different.

Silently, Kabru trails behind you, cheeks blistering hot and palms moist, with his head bent. You two make it back to the table circled by your party, sans Daya due to a more pressing engagement with her fiance. Rin’s perma-scowl cracks briefly into blatant shock at his slouch before schooling herself into re-wrinkling her face. Confusion curling into the folds of her glabella.

“What happened?”

Per usual, you answer for Kabru, “Nothing.”

“Nothing?” anger seems to flash briefly over her for a moment, a spasm so minute only Kabru can spot it, “Really?”

He’s not surprised she’s upset about him, shamefully, trying to woo you during a night out with the party. What surprises him is that her anger is solely directed at you.

At least until you nod firmly, “Nothing happened, Rin.”

Then pity laxes her irritation, she spares Kabru a flicker of eye contact before mumbling an ‘okay’. She ends up remaining largely silent for the rest of the night, only extending responses when directly prompted.

What else surprises him is the ease with which you lie. Something happened, just not how he wanted it to play out.

Maybe he didn’t notice because of his drowned mood, but Kabru swears you didn’t exhibit any of your usual tells when you spoke.

(the fact he harps on your physical tells will make him so mad he cries later tonight)

Year 515

“He’s going to burn their ear off, I’m telling you…” Marcille grumbles.

“I think it's cute,” Falin grins.

“Of course, you do,” Marcille sighs, though smiling fondly at the girl while scritching around her plumage. Falin chirps happily and nuzzles into Marcille’s shoulder, “He’s your brother, you never think he’s as weird as he is.”

Kabru speaks boldly, which he knows is unlike himself but he’s so eager to show that he knows you more than them that he cannot stop himself, “They can bond over the monster talk, at least.”

“Are they even into monsters?”

“Kind of?” he backtracks, realizing that he isn’t sure how to answer her question, “They hate monsters, but they know a lot.”

“Good on you for finding someone like that, then,” Marcille shrugs, “They might actually have a good marriage.”

Kabru tenses, even though he shouldn’t (because he knows why you’re here, so he can’t exactly get depressed when other people bring it up), “Yeah. They will.”

“For a while, I thought you’d marry my brother,” Falin says suddenly. Eyes sharp on Kabru’s figure.

Marcille guffaws, “Why would you say that?”

She shrugs before letting her eyes relax to their usual serene state, “They get along well. And Laios likes him. Laios doesn’t usually like people.”

“I guess you have a point,” Marcille waves a figurative flag before gesturing to the room around them, “But we’re not planning their wedding.”

“Yeah…” Falin sighs like she’s the one most disappointed.

Kabru says nothing, only returning to the list of ale and wine suppliers eager to vend for the upcoming royal wedding. His eyes skim names he’s heard various reviews for, but his brain takes none of them in. Rather, he’s fixated on what Falin said.

She could see it?

Could they have gotten married?

If Kabru forgot you completely, or even better never met you, could it be him stepping up to the altar? Would Laios have him?

Laios doesn’t usually like people. but in crowded meetings, it's solely Kabru that Laios searches for. And it’s the sight of Kabru that makes Laios sigh in relief. And it’s the sound of Kabru’s voice that Laios waits for before delivering a response.

At dinner, back when they ate together before you monopolized mealtimes, Laios always ensured Kabru had twice his fill before calling it a night.

(“Even though we’re not fighting in a dungeon anymore, I still think you should retain your strength.”

“You sound like you just like watching me eat.”

“Maybe that, too. You have a nice mouth.”

Kabru never responded to that, too petrified over the implications. Now he thinks he probably should have, maybe it would have meant he’d be marrying a king.)

Falin was right in that Laios doesn’t take to people easily, and he’s sure that’s all she meant. But Kabru knows that her statement is a criminal oversimplification of Laios.

Laios likes people so much he’s gone on potentially endless, potentially fruitless, endeavors for them. Laios likes people so much he makes them harpy eggs because they seem minorly interested in monster cuisine. Laios likes people so much he makes sure they’re treated with the utmost dignity. Laios loves people, and suddenly the thought of you becoming one of those select people is getting harder to grieve.

Laios’ love is not limited, but now Kabru’s forced to come to terms with the fact that Laios’ romantic love for him is--

“So, did you pick yet?” Marcille and Falin are swatching fabrics from the cushy loveseat of the main library, “I’ve heard of a roach outbreak in Smisson’s breweries, so I hope you didn’t get attached.”

Kabru jolts upright and shakes his head, saying the first dumb thing he can think of, “I heard of that, too.”

Falin giggles, “He’s the one that told you about it, Marcille.”

“Huh? You’re kidding!” a furious blush overtakes the elf, “I’m sorry, I don’t know how I forgot that!”

Kabru shakes his head again, swallowing roughly, “It’s fine.”

Really, it’s all fine.

Year 513

“Everyone wanted to be here,” Kabru chuckles quietly, as if raising his voice could somehow wake the entire Island.

“I’m sure,” there’s no hint of sarcasm in your voice, “They were with me late last night, so… I didn’t really expect anyone to see me off,” you giggle softly, a hollow sound he doesn’t take very kindly, “I’m surprised you made it.”

“It’s the least I could do after everything you gave the party,” with no decorum he scratches the back of his neck, and avoids looking you in the face, “It’ll be harder in the dungeon without you.”

“I believe in you.”

His breath hitches. He looks at you. A barely-there smile and tired eyes. It may be the most honest he’s seen you. He’s tempted to ask how you meant that ‘you’, but doesn’t.

He doesn’t even speak until you’re boarded -- until he’s forced to raise his voice so you can hear him over a bustling crew and fellow passengers.

“If I send letters, will you read them?” Kabru silences you before you can open your mouth, “Will you respond?”

Then, you’re smiling wider, and your eyes are tight with joy. It isn’t the usual siren cant of droopy lids, it’s pure elation. You’re laughing at his question, shoulders bouncing gleefully. You’re nodding. You speak between chortles, as if he asked you what color the sky was.

“Of course, I will!”

You look more beautiful than he’s ever seen you before.

“Okay, I’ll write you, then.”

“You better!”

Your ship rocks as it sets off from the dock, but you don’t disappear beneath the ridge. In fact, you almost hang over it, torso flattening against wood and nails digging for purchase as you wave.

Kabru waves back. He runs down the dock like a fool, barely catching himself from tumbling into the lapping ocean.

“Bye, Kabru!” you’re still smiling, bathed in soft orange and soothing yellow -- your voice grows distant over crashing waves, “I’ll miss you!”

He keeps waving. He waves and he waves and he doesn’t stop until your ship is behind the horizon. Only then does his hand fall to his side, eyes sopping wet and chest squeezing.

He feels pathetic.

He misses you already.

Year 515

Days prior this morning, the grand hall was cleared out -- pews replaced the needlessly long cherry oak dining table. Flowers plotted in tall carved vases with white lace and silk choking the necks, a velvet track from the altar through open doors to the courtyard. People from across the continents were invented, diplomats to friendly nobles to acquaintances Laios does not remember to true friends to your father and brother and Falin.

(“You don’t want to invite your parents?” Kabru re-evaluates his list of guests, “Seems uncouth, no?”

“What do I care?” Laios’ legs are splayed, thighs pressing against either side of the gold throne, “A wedding is meant to be happy, why would I need people I don’t like there?” he knocks a fist back into Kabru’s chest, letting his knuckles linger over the man’s heart only as long as he can say, “I have you, and my betrothed, and my friends. Really, that’s all I need.”

“It’d be rude to- ”

“I get it,” Laios’ hand falls back onto his armrest, fingertips skimming the rounded metal edge, “This is why I’m leaving it to you, I trust you.”)

Out of all the tedious preparation, dressing Laios was the most tragic in that the king hated everything the handmaids and servants stuffed him in. Countless hours were wasted before they begged Kabru to help, only then did the king settle:

No crown, terminally unsurprising, since Laios abhorred the weight and feel of it on his head. Rather, he would adorn himself with that dreadful Winged Lion’s pelt, and a vermillion cotehardie reaching mid-thigh with gold trim. Leather belt tethered around his waist gave the fabric shape whilst holding up loose britches. Daggered teeth of various beasts lined his neck, which Kabru was privy to each and every complaint over the sensory nightmare they provided. He’s sure as soon as Laios can, he’ll be tearing the necklace off.

Dressing himself, regardless of Laios’ multiple emphatic encouragements, was a similar exercise in disaster:

It felt massively inappropriate to wear something so shiny and attractive as gold on another man’s wedding night, even as Laios insisted Kabru wear whatever he pleased. Still, Kabru chose silver earrings and accents. Sparkling and flattering, yes, but nothing so bold. He did splurge with a sapphire blue kirtie that made his eyes shine brighter, and a simple chain of pearls. He felt attractive, and joyous.

Joyous for tonight. Joyous for a wedding! Yes, simply so ecstatic for tonight’s marriage.

Truthfully, Kabru is so overjoyed for his king, he really could just fucking die.

From joy. And happiness.

Because what makes it even better is how you look happy. Actually happy. No low gaze or siren simper, just pure, carefree merriment as you link hands with Laios. Reciting vows from a flushed, teary-eyed Marcille. Neither of you has that gleam or honeydew sparkle of pure love, but Kabru is good at his job: zero doubt swims in his mind that you two will be a pair truly enamored with each other.

His misery must be unfiltered in the back of the grand hall, far behind the rest of the wedding party, because Rin’s dark eyes are piercing through the side of his skull. She’s frowning up at him, arms folded.

She murmurs, “You should’ve said something.”

Kabru grins at her sardonically, “I should’ve broken up their engagement? You didn’t even like us interacting when they were in our party.”

“That’s- !” her cheeks stain red, an annoyed huff rattling her whole body, “They never told you why they rejected you, right?”

Kabru’s silence is answer enough. It’s also more unsettling to Rin than any dungeon monster she’d encountered.

“They knew that I wanted you,” Rin clears her throat, embarrassment trying to choke her into silence, but she overcomes it for the sake of her friend, “So, out of respect, you were refused and never told why.”

Kabru loves Rin, as a sister. He loves her so much he’d kill for her, because she’s like his sister. He loves her so so so much that he cannot even be mad at her, because part of him always considered her somewhat to blame for your rejection of him.

For an agonizing, silent few seconds, Kabru just stares down at her with those crystalline eyes. Blinking himself from his stupor, Kabru asks the dumbest question he could think of, “Did they want to say yes?”

Rin’s frown deepens, forehead wrinkling, “Is that something you really want to know?”

Laios is a terrible kisser, and out of respect you cover your mouths with a hand as he maps out your lips with eyes clenched. Kabru told him not to close his eyes too early, and naturally Laios did not listen. Thankfully you’re there, hiding Laios’ possible humiliation with one hand and guiding him with your other on his jaw.

“No,” Kabru sighs, “Not really.”

That’s the biggest lie he might’ve ever told Rin.

Still she pats his back sympathetically, even laying her head against his shoulder.

Celebration begins, food laid free for grabbing and wine flowing like water -- especially into Kabru’s gaping maw. It's sour on his tongue, but as far as he’s seen it's him alone that scrunches his face and shakes out his hair at the taste, which only has him feeling crazier.

.

.

.

“Isn’t this foul?” Kabru scoffs, slumped over one of the many strewn tables in the general ballroom, cramped posture making him seem smaller. Ordinarily this is embarrassing. Ordinarily he’s not drunk.

“I don’t notice anything,” Chilchuck swigs from the clear chalice in his hand.

Marcille takes a civilized sip for herself, unspoken concern that their friend’s taste in alcohol is not utmost dependable, “I don’t notice anything either.”

Kabru swirls his wine, staring into the dark spiral and wondering if a bug of some type sensed his grim mood and decided to drown itself and poison his cup.

“I’m going to get a new drink, then,” Kabru rises, bidding the pair well as he guns for the barrels of frothy ale.

People cheer and clack maizers, spilling various toxic cures onto the floor making his shoes stick with loud clicks. Something he doesn’t bother with knowing Laios will seek him out once the stains are discovered.

Laios, Laios, Laios: speaking of.

Kabru’s gaze floats across the party to find his king, who is staring off with hands fidgeting in the drape of his Winged Lion’s pelt as your father speaks. An unfortunate sight, one he’s itching to rectify when a lengthy gown flows into his vision.

Dashing and soft and yours.

Sage fabric glides along the floor, intricately sewn floral trim skittering along the ground. Flowers of lace and yarn decorate the bust and sleeves, even a crown of colorful buds blooms atop your head. Rings of gold link around your fingers. Hair swept away to unveil your face, coiled and braided with, unbelievably, more flowers dancing between the tresses. Faint lavender and tangerine lingers around you in a hypnotizing haze, culling lovestruck head-turns of men and women with your every step.

“Your husband’s alone with your father.”

“They’ll come out alive, or we’ll hear them killing each other,” you pull out a seat at the longest central table and gesture to the chair directly beside you, “Sit. We never got to properly catch up.”

Kabru sees you have wine. He suddenly craves the sour grape flavor (maybe all he was missing was the sensation of licking it off your lips). From what he remembers, Laios was holding wine as well. Kabru considers stretching out to steal a second taste.

Although, sugary enough is the sound of your voice, suddenly his fresh mug of ale is entirely forgotten.

“Kabru?”

You’re so pretty, Kabru could tear his eyes out now and not miss a single greater sight. Especially when you’re -again- bathed in the pouring gold sunlight through grand windows, tranquil beside him at the long table. As if there isn’t a single other spot you prefer, you sit right next to him with a chalice of the worst wine he’s ever had.

“Hey, Kabru…”

His hands shake with the need to hold you. Chest raging with his uncontrollable heartbeat. His head hurts with the knowledge that there really isn’t a place he prefers more than by you (even if he’s forced to drink alcohol so foul it's comparable to sewage).

“Kabru,” your touch startles him, pout and knitted brows capturing his whole attention, “You’re not even listening to me!” you laugh, shaking off his incompetence so easily it makes him want to thank you with a kiss, “Are you drunk?”

“Huh?” he lowers his head into his hands, “Yes,” he lies to you, “Yes, that must be it.”

“Poor thing, I thought you were better at holding your liquor.”

“Your memory is fading…”

“Oh, well, suppose me and the king will have to tuck you in. Make sure you get to bed safely without bumping into anything expensive.”

Kabru gags, pushing himself up from his seat and dashing towards the nearest bathroom to empty the contents of his stomach (wine, mead, beer, and beer’s good brother ale).

Tears sting his eyes, snot beginning to leak from his nose as he spits into the toilet bowl. You and the king. The king and you. You and Laios: married. Perfect union. And Kabru did it all to himself. He wanted so desperately to drink himself under the table to forget, and you just had to go reminding him.

You are the worst person he’s ever met, and so is Laios! Your commitment to respect is disgusting, and Laios’ trust in him is an absolute travesty. You two should just hurry up and keel over instead of shoving your romance in Kabru’s face; and if either of you ever thanks him for setting you up then he’ll gut you both that very instant.

Laios and you are terrible, awful, no good devils -- and he wants you both so bad he’s vomiting in the bathroom on your wedding night.

Maybe he can send you both off on a honeymoon? Yes, yes. And while you’re away, he’ll drown in responsibility by day and pretty faces by night. Upon your return, he’ll have forgotten he was ever smitten.

No, who is he kidding? That would be a pointless venture.

You’d be so giddy to tell Kabru allllll about your trip while Laios would show off trinkets he picked up with that charming smile, Kabru would fall right back here. Puking and crying. He should just resign totally. Rot away in bed and die so he never has to see either of you again.

How cowardly.

How unbecoming.

Kabru could kick himself.

Rin was in his position more or less (...less, though, definitely less) and still had the nerve to face him every day for years. She didn’t run away, and she didn’t make her party suffer because of her feelings -- so how could Kabru extend the kingdom’s wellbeing over his? Without him, Laios would socially drown with a village chief’s firstborn as a life preserver.

You’re smart and well-versed in reading others, but you’re not Kabru for God’s sake. You can’t apply half of what you know, not to mention you don’t even care to learn.

Wiping off his mouth and flushing the toilet, Kabru stumbles toward the doorway with a prayer in his pocket to find water soon.

Returning to the chipper scene, Kabru can instantaneously spot Laios flagging him down, with his spare hand curved into the base of your spine.

He dodges you both and retires to bed. Lightheaded and miserable, he’s asleep quickly.

Then, suddenly, he’s not.

.

.

.

He’s outside Laios’ room.

Did his feet carry him here subconsciously? How pathetic…

Kabru is fully prepared to turn back and amble to his room when there’s a sound from the other side of the door. A sharp gasp and whine, then your giggling, and Laios’ voice pleading for you to be nice to him. More murmuring, then a soft moan. A lofty sigh.

Song of a consummation.

Foolishly, Kabru hadn’t thought that your sex life was something he’d have to encounter directly. And despite knowing he should step away, if not out of honor then at least to preserve his own heart, Kabru’s curiosity bolts him to the floor.

He’s never seen Laios fuck.

He’s never seen you fuck, either.

He feels compelled to study -- how does your subdued front mesh with Laios’ eager hands? Which of you takes control? With his bigger size and more powerful title, one would assume Laios, but Kabru bets it's you. Will you make him wait? Would he dive between your thighs with fervor? How will the lip stain your ladies painted you with look slathered across Laios’ pale skin?

Despite knowing what it says about his character, Kabru stays. On some level to get it through to himself that you two are together and off-limits; and on a deeper, truer level because he’s sick in the head.

As was the plan anyway, until a booming, “Hey!” echoes from down the dim hall. A guardsman fast approaching from his patrol route. Kabru’s face is hidden by the dark, figure easily mistaken for a passing servant. But even if the guard could recognize him, would it matter?

What reason does the royal advisor have for lingering outside his king’s chambers so late into the night?

Lies fly through Kabru’s brain as the guard bristles closer, none of them plausible. Finally, the idea of killing this man cycles through his mind, and he reconciles with the fact that must be his only option to avoid an obscenity charge.

“Oh, you came!” a soft hand lands between Kabru’s shoulder blades, voice floating past him and to the guard now two feet away, “Thank you for your faithful service, but don’t concern yourself with him. Our king summoned him,” your laugh soothes Kabru’s tensed muscles, “I wasn’t sure he’d make it because of the hour.”

Kabru stares at you, not bothering to hide his confused, jaw-hanging stare as the guard retreats to his typical patrol.

A thin silk robe drapes over you, loosely tied at the waist and exposing much of your chest.

“I never took you for a pervert, Kabru,” such a mellow voice makes even your scalding accusation sound sweet. You whirr him around by the arm and lug him into yours and Laios’ newly shared room. All proprieties trapped outside but trepidation slithers through, lodging in his gullet.

Laios lays on the bed, exposed completely. Tousled sheets bunched between his hands and under his thighs. Cheeks flushed redder than the head of his cock, hard and slapped against his stomach. Wide spread thighs and heaving chest bountiful eye candy.

“How’d you know it was him?” Laios sounds devastatingly breathless, eyes low and ruby lips swollen.

“Hunch,” you answer plainly, petting down Kabru’s arm until your fingers lace with his.

Kabru murmurs your name, wide eyed. You knew?

Of course, you knew. How could he have thought anything else? Your calm nature about the whole ordeal solidifies that you must’ve known for a long while. Longer than him, even. When would you have figured it out?

“He’s beautiful,” you perch your chin on Kabru’s shoulder, cooing into his ear, “You were always so focused on his face, you’ve never gotten to see anything beneath his clothes, have you?”

Oh, right. The very first day you got here, obviously.

Laios rolls his head from one shoulder to the other, brows pinching in frustration, heated gaze straying from Kabru to you, “He’s going to touch me, right?”

“Depends,” your hands skim up Kabru’s spine, nudging him forward, “Kabru, do you want to touch your king?” one arm glides around his front, fingers toying with the band of his trousers, “And myself?”

“Uhhh…” can he be honest with himself? Can he lay himself bare before not one, but two people? Two people he’s interested in above all else. Heat laps from the barrel of his chest, scorching from cheeks to ears to forehead as sweat beads along his hairline and the back of his neck.

“I asked a question. I need a response.”

Laios’ cock twitches against his abdomen, throat croaking around desire.

“Yes,” Kabru exhales, heavy, barbed, and thorny, cutting him up inside until he’s too weak to stand. Sinking onto the mattress by his knees, “I will.”

Laios’ eyes flick from Kabru’s face down to his weepy erection.

He wants Laios in his mouth. Wants the warmth slapping his tongue, burrowing towards the cinch of his throat. He wants to grope the bulge his king forces through his neck and feel your hands buried in his dark hair. The latter need is fulfilled, your fingers combing through dark curls to push him into your husband’s crotch.

“What a pretty mouth, Kabru, you love to run it,” you climb onto the bed beside him, holding Laios steady by the base, “Try something new, hm?”

“New is- ”

“Try it, Kabru. Now,” regardless of the choppy demand, your voice remains dulcet. Pillowy and fluffy. He could melt into your sound.

His tongue lolls to slather the underside of Laios’ cock with hot saliva, enveloping the man in his mouth. Cheeks hollowing and lashes batting wetly up at the king, crimson deepening on Laios’ face. Behind him, the mattress dips and shakes, Laios’ eyes jumping from baby blues to over Kabru’s back, hips jerking against his chin.

Your hand lifts from inky hair, curls slipping between your fingers in vain attempts to tether you against his skull. Now both your palms run up Laios’ chest as you mold against his side. Your thighs spread around one of his arms and robe nowhere to be found, painted lips smear rouge up Laios’ neck and cheek before you claim his lips.

One of Laios’ hands cradles Kabru’s head, not rudely pushing nor wrangling his hair, just an affectionate reminder of whose cock is in his throat. Meanwhile, the hand between your thighs crooks towards your heat, middle finger ringing your clit -- earning a jump and heave from you.

Laios coaxes Kabru off, winded as he requests, “Can you two kiss? Please?”

Kabru gives the king no time to abjure before he’s spearing you with attention, not that you’re more patient; hurriedly cupping his cheeks and legs spreading to welcome him between. Sat up enough to give Laios a proper view, Kabru fondles your ass as you happily cram your lips to his. He wonders if your lip stain wipes off on him as well. He hopes it does.

“So beautiful,” Laios muses stroking his cock, casually flicking his wrist and thumbing the head, as you reach for Kabru’s.

Kabru’s lips sear down your neck, urged to bite. He does not.

“Soft, right?” Laios lays his head against your shoulder, poking obnoxiously into Kabru’s space (not that he minds), “Still sweet with wine.”

You taste better than the fucking wine.

Does Laios?

Your lips curl, drifting away just to whisper against his lips, “Would you like to kiss the king?”

“Can I?”

Before you can reaffirm, Laios snatches Kabru by the chin to kiss him.

Laios is not sweet like wine, he tastes like beer and salt and iron from a raw lip, and yet Kabru cannot drink him down fast enough.

Hands, big and calloused and sweltering, brand Kabru’s hips -- spinning him around to face the door as you unwork the man’s nightshirt. Tossing the flowy cloth aside, you press a final kiss to Kabru’s lips, before laying out beneath him.

Kabru’s eyes hone on the honeydew slick glossing your slit, hands scrambling for perch on your bracketing thighs as Laios’ settle on his ass. Anticipation builds and flows out of his mouth, rich and thick and in the form of a lashing tongue. Broad and cozy, Kabru sweeps up your cunt, thumbs parting you for the purest taste. Audible sighs fan over your pelvis in time with Laios burying his spit-slick fingers into Kabru’s hole.

A groan vibrates through your hips, Kabru’s electric eyes flashing over the quiver in your thighs as you grind onto his nose. Both hands knotting through his hair.

Fingers prod inside you, curling toward your stomach before scissoring apart just to noisily slurp out leaking wetness.

Burly hands rearrange Kabru again, manhandling him until he’s got his back against Laios’ chest with legs thrown out across the bed. Exhilaration surges through Kabru’s whole body, extremities jittering and whines dribbling down his lips. Slowly, he’s lowered onto Laios’ cock with teeny rasps inspiring you to grab him by the shoulders. Again, sweet lips meet his, but he realizes the ploy quickly: torturous pleasure rips through his gut as you push him back to prime for riding.

Laios’ hand finds your chest, tweaking your nipple while snapping his hips up. Pounding into Kabru’s clenching hole in time that you sink down on the poor man.

Over Kabru’s shoulder, you and Laios swap spit with noisy kisses and if he weren’t sweating ecstasy then maybe he’d find the power to be embarrassed over his desperation to join. Regardless of getting his brains ground into mush by your combined, incessant pistoning, Kabru finds himself giddy to be involved further.

You’re purposeful and elegant; excruciating, tantalizing bounces with nails digging into the meat of Kabru’s chest. As if you could easily tear him apart, only dangling in front of him like a carrot-drawn-horse.

Laios is frantic and overwhelming; hips unrelenting and thick muscled arms belting Kabru against him. Skin clapping skin, moist with sweat, and fat rippling from the impacts of Laios’ fucking. Each thrust into Kabru sends him rocketing further inside you; bulging deep, deep in your squelching cunt.

Contrasting in all ways -- your hands pet and scratch while Laios’ anchor and tug, you moan and mewl while Laios groans and growls. When you’re not kissing your husband you impress downy lips upon Kabru’s chest while Laios tears bruises from his neck with full teeth.

Passion swells each suck and stroke and pap, pap, pap until Kabru’s bursting from the inside out. He keens, body tensing.

“Breathe,” Laios huffs into his ear, voice low and crackling, “Breathe, it feels better when you don’t tighten up.”

Kabru heeds, blowing hot air across your bare chest as he cums, and you coo, “Good boy.”

A slush of your combined juices cascades, soaking and matting Kabru’s pubes. Wetting his and Laios’ balls. Three hard rams and Laios is spilling inside Kabru as well. Pants and gulps echoing around the room.

Reclining against the headboard, Laios slowly pulls your exhausted body off Kabru before slipping his cock out of the man. Each of you is fully aware the hygienic option is to wash yourselves, change the sheets, and maybe even comb through messy heads of hair.

None of you do, though.

Laios, grinning bright and alluring as the sun, has an arm nestled around both you and Kabru to keep you flush against his sides. Your head finds a pillow in your husband’s chest, Kabru copying the motion. Swamped exhales pass between yours and Kabru’s blissed out faces, but only measured breaths pull a serene rise and fall from Laios. Drool even leaks from the corner of Kabru’s mouth, he groans in disgust but can’t manage the strength to wipe it away. Neither can you, exhaustion poisoning you from the knees up.

A careful thumb dabs the spittal away, only to grossly end up smearing it across Kabru’s shoulder when Laios replaces his hand on the man’s bare arm.

“How…” Kabru shudders for breath, “Why…” his eyes flutter drowsily, “Not tired…?”

“I didn’t do much,” Laios reasons (whether he genuinely thinks that or is bluffing, nobody can be sure), voice low as he notices you’re beginning to drift asleep, “Wore yourselves out, though.”

“Still…” Kabru huffs defiantly, yawning against the moist valley between Laios’ pecs, “I… more stamina…”

“Ass,” you drowsily pitch in, eyes closed and lashes stark against your cheeks.

“Ass?” Laios looks down at Kabru.

“Ass,” Kabru yawns again, now capable of slurring full sentences together with his breath sufficiently caught, “First time taking it in the ass. Probably took more out of me than I expected…”

“You should’ve said something,” Laios lours, “Even monsters like Orcs that have sex for pleasure stretch their partners more than I did. It helps prevent tearing. I wish I could’ve seen more mating rituals before getting cursed.”

“You could read more…”

Kabru’s too tired to negate your yawn of a suggestion. He doesn’t need to before Laios mutters again, seconds away from passing out altogether,

“I’ve read about them a lot, I just wanted to see it for myself.”

Year 515. Some days later.

Laios suddenly turns in his throne, angling his body towards Kabru, “You think I can make polyamorous marriage legal?”

“Why?” Kabru’s sure he knows exactly where the king’s head is, he just wants to hear the man say it.

Sticking out his thumb, index, and middle finger, Laios scrunches the digits towards his palm twice, “Aren’t we all getting married?”

“You’ll have to ask your real spouse about that first.”

“I did.”

“Huh?!” that makes Kabru’s heart explode, blood and meat blowing through his orifices. Teasing Laios is easy now that he more clearly understands the man’s motives, but you?

You’re intimidating even after he’s been inside you, he doesn’t know how Laios can so casually ask you something like that (he does though, it’s due to Laios’ many loose screws).

“I already asked about us marrying you.”

“And…?”

“They thought it was a good idea!” Laios shakes off, as if Kabru should have just known you would go along with your husband’s insanity, “So, can I legalize it?”

“Probably,” Kabru settles a hand over his chest, hoping to calm his racing heart (or what remains, anyway), “I’ll look into it.”

“Yay! Thank you!”

~~~

kabru miserablism POV my beloved

beast laios and fae reader and treasure kabru imagery makes me so hard

[dotster001]

i was gonna make this a comment but smthn told me this was gonna be long.

SORRY FOR THE LONG-NESS OF THIS ASK

BUT DOT- THINK ABOUT YAN DILF JADE.

who knows if his ex wife was murdered or not, oh well! 🤭 best not to dwell on it because it makes the twins sad :(

see? (🧍🏻🧍🏻)

…anyways

but here me out (this is me going coco bananas. full on psycho mode) maybe the first time he saw you was at a RANDOM party that a friend of yours hosted.

blah blah mutual friend of a friend and that long friend family tree stuff

but maybe you slithered away to the dog, or were tasked with helping a baby (more like someone threw the baby at you in order to dance)

or you’re with the other room for the children that the party provides (this is like a really rich friend. like mega mansion. crazy rich asians kinda thing)

but ugh he’s there with his dreadful beautiful wife and his wonderful children. and his wife is already leaving to grab a drink and he thinks their children shouldn’t get a glimpse at whatever tom-foolery parties like these will lead to.

so in they go! (maybe this was years ago when they’re toddlers)

but then he sees you swarmed with babies. the nanny took a break and left you in charge and you’re fighting back babies with one of those roll-pop lawn mowers-

ARGHHH ONE JUST SPAT ON THE END OF YOUR RENTAL DRESS DAMNIT.

jade is utterly beside himself with laughter, amusement, and everything of the sorts and creates flirty small talk. and oh?? what's this? his wonderful bundles of joy seem to have found a liking to you? how precious (they’re clawing and climbing you like a jungle gym) jade takes a note of that!

they don't even like their mother that much , simply tolerating her. but jade can tell that his kids got good taste!

he lowkey interviews reader (without them know oops!!) and while yes, their beauty was what drove his interest, second being their personality (you have to be attracted to someone to give them a chance!)

and the twins were the cherry on top!

and conveniently you say where you work (rookie mistake) while he tells you he’s a humble business man… don’t ask what for tho cause that’s a super family secret 🤭

but he's planning and scheming and charming his way into your life and he’s in it for the long run because eels are patient. it just sucks that jade is even more patient, like a saint if you would

^^accurate depiction of saint jade

^^and this is jade when he gets questioned for his wife’s uh oh 🤷🏻🤷🏻

maybe she drank too much at a party and fell over the side.

maybe there was a targeted hit meant for jade but they got the wrong one.

maybe a classic batman scenario but jade survived and is throughly traumatized (same with his kids, i mean look at them!!🧍🏻🧍🏻 they’re so torn up that it just breaks his heart😿)

but he’s making chance encounters rather… commonly. (he had reader stalked for a good few years as he was planning everything. just to make sure he likes them& they keep it interesting.)

just... some thoughts about dilf jade leech and his hell spawns hehe (when the trio visited your work they managed to leave your section alone... so it looks like you were in the eye of the hurricane)

im gonna read your other stuff about dilf jade now because AHHHH

Angry at my boss, so I decided to see if there was anything in my inbox to cheer me up. Woo hoo!

In reference to this

Cw: light Yan!, implied stalking, Jade's a freak but if you don't already know that then you aren't paying attention

I can only imagine that, after the party, since you interacted with so many kids and parents that night, they all kind of blurred together. And it's not until, after he visits your place of work, and you chat over text for a while, and you have a real date, then invites you back home for an after date drink, do you start to remember. And that's only because the twins are scamps and stayed up past their bedtimes, and they are staring at you with eyes you remember.

Obviously, you are gonna chalk it up to a coincidence. "Oh my god! You know so-and-so, right? I think I met you at a party a few years ago!" He laughs, and plays along, oh my god,.yeah what a really good coincidence.

Meanwhile, the twins share a look, because Dad has talked about you every day since Mom died, so they know he's lying. Hell, when you aren't here, they already call you mama/papa. But, they are their father's kids, so they are never going to say anything.

One date turns to two turns to three, turns to a year of dating. It's time to meet the family. You know Jade has a twin, but they've taken different paths in life.

So when Dilf Floyd Trudges up the driveway with his six adopted kids, four of whom are sprinting around the house and lawn and destroying Jade's home, two of whom are under Floyd's arms like suitcases, you're in for a culture shock.

When you first meet him, he seems incredibly grumpy. He's got salt and pepper stubble, the baggiest outfit, though you get the feeling it's designer, no matter how slouchy it is, his hair is slicked back, making the grey streaks look neat against his otherwise messy look.

He tosses the kids and yells at them to go play with their cousins, then he rudely shoves past you. Jade stops him with a hand on his shoulder that appears gentle, but if you had felt the full force of it, you'd have landed on your ass. He hissed at Floyd, through a smile, to greet his new fiance. There's a tense moment where they stare at each other, then Floyd storms over to you, and presses a ticklish kiss to your cheek, before muttering, "Welcome to the family," then storming to his room and locking himself in for the night.

The next day it's like he's a different person. He makes breakfast for you and excitedly asks you about yourself, wanting to know everything about his future sibling. Eventually he pours you a glass of what you know is Jade's most expensive wine, which he has been saving for a special occasion, and you finally get the courage to ask about the night before, and he laughs and says he was tired from the trip. Wrangling six kids on an airplane is exhausting, you know?

You decide to ask him about little Jade, and Floyd's stories of childhood charm you so much that you don't notice Jade's brooding presence.

Not that Floyd minds. Yeah, he got off to a rough start with you, but he gets why Jade likes you. And Jade only has two parentless kids, he has six. So his kids need you more than Jade's do, right?

Will the dad's eventually drag the kids into this fight? Absolutely. Those kids have Mafia parents, they have plenty of acting training. They will be pulling those heartstrings of yours 😊

[lovelynim]

Bad day

Honkai: Star Rail - Aventurine x Dr. Ratio

A/N: HAPPY (LATE) BIRTHDAY @fluffy-ami!! I'm sorry for being such a horrible friend and only noticing the date has passed me by almost two weeks later. I hope this humble mess can make up for my delay. Love you, *mwah*

Summary: Ratio had a bad day, so Aventurine came to the rescue!

Word count: 1153 words

Ratio looked down at the hands wrapped around his chest, pondering whether he should question it or not. He was nearly sure he did warn that idiot gambler about the risks of pestering him tonight, so why, of all things, were Aventurine holding (or, at least, trying to) him down?

“Let go, gambler,” Ratio sighed, tapping the back of one of Aventurine’s hands with the vain hope it would be enough to convince him. “I’m not in the mood for your foolery.”

The only answer he got from the other man, however, was something suddenly pressing on his back. The doctor looked over his shoulder and could tell that the gambler was… leaning into him? Without moving his arms a single inch, Aventurine pressed his forehead on Ratio’s back, nudging slightly. “This isn’t ‘foolery’, I’m trying to be nice here, doc”.

“Then do it to someone else, can’t you tell I’m busy?”

“I can also tell you’re in a bad mood, doc,” Aventurine spoke softly, his words almost muffled by Ratio’s body. The doctor sighed, looking up to the ceiling. Oh Aeons above, what did he do to deserve this idiot in his life? “I thought someone as smart as you would be able to tell what a ‘hug’ is,” Aventurine teased, tightening his embrace.

Ratio wasn’t exactly restrained, but he couldn’t properly move either. Aventurine’s arms kept his won from moving all the way, leaving him in a quite difficult position. “Sigh, I’m serious, let me g-”

“So am I, doc,” Aventurine mumbled, leaning into the other as he tried to get closer to his face. The gambler stood on the tip of his toes, but still lacked a couple inches to properly reach Ratio’s. “What happened? Did you have a bad day?”

“Gambler,” Ratio warned, tugging at the back of Aventurine's wrist with a messed up grip, his fingers barely managing to graze at the other’s arm. “...why are you so clingy? Are you even sober?”

Aventurine couldn’t help but let out a small chuckle, planting his heels back into the ground. “Did you just hesitate?” He said smugly, tilting his head to the side to try to peek at Ratio’s expression.

His attempt to fend the other off with snark didn’t seem to work, Ratio noted mentally. Maybe it was the tiredness from work, but responding to Aventurine’s teases seemed to be a more difficult task than he first anticipated. “That was just another of your delusions, I’m afraid. Now, care to let me go?”

“Not until we work on this bad mood of yours, doc,” Aventurine insisted, pressing his forehead on Ratio’s back again.The scholar gritted his teeth, regretting not keeping in mind how persistent the other could be at times. “My mood will improve greatly once you let me go, gambler.” 

Against his expectations, what followed the short conversation was absolute silence. Almost as if he was actually pondering the matter, Aventurine only hummed quietly, making the doctor feel somewhat… uneasy.

Aventurine could be pretty unpredictable - an aspect of his that Ratio always despised utterly. Bold moves, careless thinking and an awful attitude, yes, that was Aventurine. On top of that, the fact that things always seemed to work in his favor only made it worse. 

The moments in silence seemed to drag on for hours and were making Ratio more anxious - to not say “curious”. The room was so quiet that he could almost hear the gears inside Aventurine’s head turning, plotting his next flawless plan. 

“Alright, that enou-ugh!” Ratio widened his eyes. If looks could kill, Aventurine would already be a better place by that time. “Gamb- ah! G-Gambler, don’t you d-dare.”

Aventurine laughed sheepishly, nuzzling the tip of his nose between Ratio’s wing bones. “‘Dare’ to do what, doc? I’m not sure if I’m following.”

Before Ratio could voice another retort, he felt those pesky fingers digging into his sides again. An electric sensation ran across his body, not to mention the fact that Aventurine kept his arms tightly wrapped around him, preventing him from moving. Damned gambler.

“Y-yohou know what I’m tahahalking about!” Ratio giggled against his will, moving his torso as much as he could inside the gambler’s hug, but his efforts were all in vain. If anything, whenever he moved, Aventurine would poke his sides again in an awfully tickling manner that would make him jump in place. 

The gambler pressed the tip of his fingers on the spot, taking advantage of Ratio’s fashion choice to rub small circles on the bare skin. “Come on, you’re too handsome to be frowning like that ~”

Ratio wasn’t sure if it was an extra measure to keep him moving away or something else entirely, but Aventurine was suddenly leaning on him again while his hand wrecked havoc against his half exposed side. Now, besides finding a way to deal with the annoying tickling, Ratio also needed to be careful to not make Aventurine fall to the ground or, worse, be dragged along in the other’s fall.

“Gahahambler! S-stop it!” Ratio hissed, his hands desperately trying to dislodge Aventurine’s, but he always seemed to be out of his reach. “You ihihidiot!”

“Ehh? How mean!” Aventurine chuckled, vibrating his fingers under one of Ratio’s ribs, making the scholar let out an uncharming, loud laugh. “I’m very worried about you, doc! N- now, could you squat a little?”

“W-whahat?!”

Ratio had been tickled by Aventurine before, yes. He also returned the favor a few times. And considering the history of episodes regarding this matter, this particular request became even more odd. It wouldn’t surprise him if Aventurine teased him or threatened him with more tickling, but… squat?

“I c-can’t reach your face, you’re too tall…” The gambler muttered shily, almost innocently, but his hand didn’t stop - not for a single moment. The contrast between his acts and his attitude annoyed Ratio even more. “C’mere, please ~”

“H-how cahahan I move with you hohoholding me, yohou imbehehecile!”

“Agh, fine,” Aventurine groaned, deciding to take the other’s requests in consideration and, at last, letting him go. 

Ratio gasped, quickly reaching for his abused side and trying to rub off the ticklish sensation. “You d-damned gambler,” he panted, turning around to face Aventurine, who wore that handsome stupid smirk he always used to.

“Nah-ah, before you scold me…” Aventurine ordered, pointing towards the ground as a reference to his demand. Ratio usually would’ve denied but, just this time, he decided to oblique.

Slightly bending forward, Ratio’s eyes were almost at the same level of Aventurine’s, waiting for the gambler to take action. “So, what did you want?”

“This, doc,” Aventurine muttered, gently wrapping his arms around Ratio’s neck and planting a kiss on his cheek. “I hope you have a better day tomorrow,” he whispered close to Ratio’s ear, burying his face in the crook of his neck.

“...gambler,” Ratio called softly, letting out a pleased sigh.

“Yes, doc?”

“Thank you.”

[cantwritethetword]

(2024) TickleTober Day 1: Harvest - Going against the Grain

Fic Descript - Bruce agrees to help out on the Kent farm and, after an off-handed comment from Clark, he decides to see how ticklish superman actually is.

~A/N  - Welcome to ticklecrowber2024!!!! (forgive the corny title hehehehehe)

We're starting off this month with a super cute superbat fic requested by an anon. While writing it I'm realising this is gonna be a pre-relationship romantic fic, so hopefully that floats your boat.

Like I mentioned on a post ages ago, I'm not aiming to write full fics for all the prompts this year to hopefully avoid burnout so I'm going into this aiming for a few hundred words - we'll see how that goes.

Hope you like it!

- Enoy! ~

Tag List: @fullsongphilosopher

Masterpost Link 

TickleTober Masterpost

One of the (few) things Bruce hated about being in love with someone was the way it made him do things.

And not in a suggestive or psychological way, literally he felt compelled to gain some sort of relationship 'brownie points' to subtly prove his worth as a potential partner.

Which was how he had ended up here, about to knock on the door of Clark's farm home.

When superman mentioned needing to do some hard labour around the fields up in Kansas, Bruce found himself offering to help before he could even blink. It wasn't until Clark enthusiastically accepted that the batman fully realised what he had gotten himself into.

Mixing their work and personal lives? At Clark's house no less? Doing something that probably was effortless for Clark, but would be a significant physical strain for Bruce? What was he thinking?! He'll look like a fool...

But, as much as his brain loved to insist on how much of a bad idea this was, Bruce had resisted the temptation to cancel.

And so, he now found himself raising his fist and tapping the wooden door-frame.

"Bruce!" Clark grinned, opening the door fully.

The man was dressed so stereotypically farm-y, Bruce thought to himself. Brown leather boots half-covered by a pair of old denim jeans, topped with a plain white tee and - god he looked good in that red flannel...

"-are you... did you want to come in?" Clark chuckled.

Shit, had Clark invited him in already? Was he that distracted by the superhero in front of him that he fully disregarded any input other than the sight- wait it's happening again-

"Yes!" Bruce blurted out, interrupting his own thoughts. "Sorry, yes. Thanks."

Ugh love made him a mess.

As Clark narrated and explained his way through his humble abode, Bruce couldn't help but get stuck in his own head - again. He barely registered that they had left the house and were now walking through the wheat fields. He knew Clark was giving some really important information as to what exactly they needed to do and where they would need to do it, but it was almost as if his brain was more focused on the sound of Clark's voice than what it was actually saying.

Until Clark giggled.

Like a gunshot, Bruce locked onto the sound with unbridled curiosity. What had caused it? Would it happen again? Whatever it was clearly didn't phase Clark, as he was back to talking about whatever farmyard jargon that was interrupted earlier.

A few more moments passed, and Bruce had never been more focused on Clark's surroundings. What could possibly have made superman laugh like that? And how common of an occurrence was it if Clark didn't even acknowledged it?

Thankfully, it happened again - with Bruce watching the whole thing.

As Clark walked, a few stray spikes of wheat brushed against his bare lower forearms (where he had rolled up the aforementioned flannel). His hand twitched reflexively, and he once again let out a soft giggle at the sensation.

And, once again. Bruce's mouth moved before his brain could catch up.

"What was that?"

Clark half-turned his torso to face Bruce. "Oh, it just tickles."

Bruce flushed at the casualness of Clark's response.

"It's actually one of my favourite parts of walking through here..." Clark continued with a genuine smile. "Something so small being so intense, makes me feel soft.... alive... human..."

Only Clark could make getting tickled by a plant sound so endearing, it was almost enough to make Bruce forget the huge tidbit of Clark lore that had just been revealed to him.

Superman's ticklish??

He didn't have much time to feel the full shock of that information, as Clark was already several paces ahead of him. Bruce half-skipped to catch up, and as he did, something in his mind convinced him to snap off a piece of wheat from beside him.

As they continued their walk towards the edge of the field where they were about to begin work, and Clark continued yapping, Bruce ran his fingers over the wheat piece in his hand. Was he seriously about to try to tickle superman? Would Clark be alright with it? Would he find it weird and repulsive and never speak to Bruce again cause how could he possibly think that was a normal thing to-

stop - Bruce interrupted himself.

no overthinking

Bruce took a breath, slightly sped up his footsteps to bring himself right behind Clark, and ran the wheat stalk along the side of Clark's neck.

Clark folded with a shriek and a giggle, his smile never fading as he gave Bruce a quizzical look.

That smile was all the invitation Batman needed.

With a smirk, Bruce tackled Clark into the wheat next to them and climbed on top of his chest before frantically twiddling the wheat stem against any potentially ticklish bare skin he could find. Clark's neck, ears, collarbones - even the small patch on his tummy that was exposed from his shirt riding up as they fell - nothing was safe.

And Clark's laughter was like birdsong - it was the most free, happy, genuine giggling Bruce had ever heard. So much so, the billionaire opted to snatch another piece of wheat to use in his free hand against Clark's forearms - which were currently doing fuck-all to fight against the tickly attacks (aside from clinging to and breaking some nearby wheat stems, but Bruce theorised that was mostly for Clark to resist fighting back... cute).

After a sufficient tickling, Bruce paused - mentally checking for any signs of annoyance on Clark's face and letting the man calm down for a few moments.

"Why'd you stop?" Clark asked breathily without missing a beat, and now looking slightly disappointed.

Once again caught aback by Clark's openness, Bruce stuttered and floundered for an answer. "I... I was just... I wanted to... make sure... you..."

Clark laughed. "No need to panic, it was just a question."

Bruce chuckled, still a little embarrassed.

"You always worry so much." Superman smiled, poking Bruce's neck with one of the wheat stalks he had snatched during the tickle-attack to emphasise his point.

Bruce squeaked (though he would later insist this wasn't true), his face flushing a deep red.

"Oh?" Clark grinned menacingly, rolling himself and Bruce over to flip their positions with clearly little-to-no effort. "The dark, scary batman is ticklish too?"

oh god

And, after being thoroughly tickled, Bruce spent the entire time they worked on the farm trying to convince himself the look on his own face before Clark tickled him definitely wasn't nervous excitement, and that he definitely wouldn't give anything do it all again.

Definitely not.

[justabratsworld]

Dear Darling

Ugh, another night of dealing with absolute morons. 

The sun started to rise to stir the ones who were deep in their slumber. The early morning air bites at (y/n)'s skin as she made her way home from her shift at the bar. It seemed like she has been working nonstop lately. No matter how many times she requested more time off or less hours her boss just kept adding hours to her schedule. Not that she should be complaining, she did get a nice raise to her paycheck and well, the tips she gets throughout the night sure doesn't hurt her pockets. Besides, she'd rather be there than at home where her safe place started become hell. With the money she was saving (y/n) should be able to move to a different city. If she was smart enough and saved a little bit more money she could even move into a more secured building where you needed a residential identification or a guest pass to go past the lobby. She was starting to become paranoid with everything and everyone. No matter what it was, whether it was just a cup that was moved slightly or a misplaced spice she used the night prior her brain automatically jumped to "intruder". Once there was even a jacket that was left on her couch that she KNEW didn’t belong to her or anyone she knew. Only, once she finally convinced her friend to come over to see that (y/n) wasn’t going crazy due to stress, the jacket was gone. As if it was never there in the first place. Soon after that incident when (y/n) was out running errands or coming home from work if someone kept looking at her or what going in the same direction too long for her liking she automatically thought they had to be her stalker. All because of those stupid letters. Before they started appearing on her nightstand every morning her life was well...not perfect per se but definitely much better than what it is now.

Entering her humble apartment (y/n) made her way to the bathroom to wash last night off of her, the amount of patrons who felt the need to touch her made her feel dirty. Maybe it was the feeling of hot water cascading down her skin that made her sit in the shower for far longer than what was necessary, or maybe it was her subconsciously trying to avoid the bedroom. The room that was once her safe haven. The one place that once was able  to make her thoughts calm down, now it was the source of her uneasy head. No matter what she couldn’t figure out who was tormenting her like this  No one was taking her concerns seriously, not without having proof. (Y/n) did try to set up cameras. Specifically one at her front door, balcony door, and in her bedroom, but when she went to look at the footage of the times she wasn’t at home or sleeping everything was deleted and she wasn’t able to recover any of it. The memory of the camera that was installed in her bedroom sitting on her kitchen table with a note that read “nice try dear:) you have to be more clever than that to catch a glimpse of me ;)”. 

If only dear (y/n) was this observent before. If she was this aware of her surroundings and alert when she was out and about she wouldn't be dealing with this. If she was as vigilant before she would have noticed the man who was constantly staring her at the club she worked at. Surely she would’ve realized that the original owner seemed to vanish and the new one had more of an interest of her. So much so he kept scheduling her to work longer and more hours. What a shame she didn’t even realize that the one person who was making her life miserable was so so close. Dear sweet (y/n), she was never truly safe. 

'How silly of me to think he would skip a day'

Grabbing the envelope off of my nightstand, taking note of the smell radiating off of it. The thought of the sender spritzing his cologne on it makes my stomach uneasy. Do I really want to open this? I already know that if I do read it all its going to do is add on to my the already growing paranoia. After staring at the red seal I decided to go against my better judgment I slowly open the bane of my existence.      

                 My dearest love, 

Oh how I yearn to feel the sensation of your skin, to hear your siren voice call out to me, to hold you close to me as I whisper sweet nothing into your ear, to have you shake with pure pleasure. Fret not my darling, for soon I will come and rescue you from the nightmare you live in. However, I ask of you to not judge me for my appearance for my heart is much purer than what shows. You will have to worry or want for nothing once you're in my arms. I will love you until my dying breath. My dear sweet sweet (y/n), be ready. For once I have you in my grasp I fear I will not be able to let you go. Knowing your silly little head my go into panic just know that I have eyes and ears everywhere. I am patient and know that I wouldn't harm you in any way, but I can't say that your friends or family will be safe if you were to do anything stupid. I know my baby is smart. I know you won't do something you'll come to regret. 

        See you soon dear. 

Shit. I knew I shouldn't have read that stupid letter-well if I didn't I wouldn't have known that he apparently plans on taking kidnapping me. Shit. I have to call the cops. I have to tell someone but who would even believe me. The police didn't even care when I reported someone breaking in and leaving these letters. If anything they're probably in cahoots with my fucking stalker. I mean, how else would he have known I reported him. Just thinking of the underling threat he left brings a sense of dread. Maybe if I leave town he can't get me? How am I suppose to do that undetected though. He obviously knows my work schedule so me not showing up tonight will surely tip him off that I left. Shit. What did I do to deserve this? Who's attention did I attract? 

Glancing at the alarm clock I take a deep breath and head towards my medicine cabinet. I need to take something to let me sleep so I can go into work tonight. The letter never states when he's coming but there's no point fighting or hiding. Maybe if I just act like I never read that letter I can pretend that my life is normal. Besides, I may have more time to figure out what I'm going to do before the inevitable happens. Popping a few melatonin gummies I made my way to my bed. Weird, those tasted different than what they normally do. A lot less chewier too...maybe I'm overthinking it. I do need some sleep. After last night and that weird ass letter I deserve some shut eye before going through this all over again tomorrow morning.

-

Well damn, my head feels fuzzy. What time is it? It's dark...did my alarm not go off? I know I have it set? Why do my blankets feel different....this bed feels different too...oh well there goes my vision-

- 

"Baby girl, it's time to wake up. You've been asleep for too long. Travis! How much chloral hydrate did you put in those gummies of hers? She knocked the fuck out." Feeling a hand rubbing my cheek a rush of adrenaline goes through me as I try to sit up. What the actual- 

"Breathe baby, breathe. You're okay. It's okay, here focus on me. Yeah? Atta girl. Keep your eyes on me. That's my girl, now now I know you're probably wondering what going on, but I did tell you I was going to pick you up and take you home. Now I'm not going to get into details and show you around your new home quite yet since you're probably still a little groggy but don't worry. Once you're awake and ready I'll tell you everything you need to know and introduce you to your new family. God, I waited too long to hold you." Why can't I move? I keep trying to say something and yet I can't. Fuck I'm so tired, why does it feel like my body isn't connected to my brain? 

"It's rude to ignore your husband-sorry soon to he husband-when he's talking to you baby. I know you're wondering what's going on and but you're obviously still tired. So lets go back to sleep, yeah? Don't be difficult babe, I'd rather not have to drug you again, I don't like seeing you like that" 

No no no no no I don't...want to...go...back....to...sleep.

Dear darling,

When you awake you might be confused and afraid. Don’t worry, I’ll be back shortly. I have some things to take care of. There's water and some medicine on the kitchen island for you. Be a good girl.

Love you lots, 

Adonis M. Corleone

Oh baby girl, just having you asleep beside me is pure bliss. I’m sorry I had to drug you, it was the only way to get you home safe without having to worry about you seeing where you were going. You are the light I need in my life. With all the blood on my hands, all the crimes I have committed, everything has been for you. After watching and waiting for years I finally have you in my arms. If you try to leave I’ll kill anyone in the way. My (y/n), you will be the perfect wife. The perfect mother. The perfect piece to our family. After all, behind every successful man is a beautiful woman taking care of him. Once I get your family out of the way, we will be truly happy. I’m so proud of you for not running away from me. You proved to me that not only are you strong but smart as well. You knew better than to disobey me and for that I won’t necessarily kill your family. I’ll just make sure they know not to look for you.

BREAKING NEWS: Missing 23 year old women. Series of letters found. 

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Miscommunication is Key

Bang Chan x Female reader

Word count: 8.5k 🤷🏻

A/N: 18+ only! With Chan's birthday quickly approaching you know I had to have a fic ready for my man! It's angsty cause it's me and Chan's a little slow on the uptake in this one but as always, he has a good heart and means well. If you enjoy reading this, please give it a like, reblog, comment, send an ask, whatever! Feedback is always appreciated! As per usual warnings and smut below the cut! Enjoy!

Warnings: MDNI 18+ ONLY! Strong language/cursing, Mentions of FWB and casual sex, mentions of masturbating (m&f), mentions of sex toy use by f, piv sex (protection used), oral (m&f receiving), deep throating, throat fucking, slight breath play (if you squint), the slightest impact play (kinda but not really), hair pulling (a little), spitting (a little), cum eating (kinda), fingering, slight Chan dom/MC sub dynamic (IF YOU SQUINT), praise/pet names (it's Chan so you already know, baby girl, baby, beautiful, etc), name calling (slut like one time during sex), cum shot, slight exhibitionist tendencies (again kinda not really/there's other people in the same apartment but the couple aren't really thinking about that in the moment) I think that's everything but if I ever miss a warning, please let me know and I'll be sure to add it immediately.

Chan walked through the front door of the apartment you shared with him, Jisung, and Minho. He was just getting home from being at the gym most of the afternoon. He was hot, sweaty and in dire need of a shower. He called out to see if anyone was home but got no reply and assumed you all must have been out. That was until Chan made his way down the hall and heard you talking in your room. He figured you must not have heard him since you were on a call. He walked up to your door seeing that it was slightly ajar, he was about to tap on it to let you know he was home and going to take a shower when part of your conversation stopped him before he could. 

“It’s becoming a serious problem. Every time I get off I’m picturing that it’s with Channie! His lips, his body, it’s killing me Kimmy! I’m gonna have to use the warranty on my vibrator cause it’s gonna burn out on me for sure if I keep at it like this. Don’t laugh it’s not funny! The worse it gets the more awkward I get around him! He’s so... ugh he’s so fucking sexy and he doesn’t know it or is at least humble enough to act like he doesn’t know it, like I didn’t want to fuck him bad enough already!” Chan couldn’t believe his ears! So that’s why you’ve been acting funny lately, because you’ve been masturbating to the thought of him, a lot apparently. You wanted to fuck him? He had always thought you were so sweet and sexy and his dick was rock hard at the idea of you coming and thinking of him.  

All the blood from his head rushed to his cock and his brain malfunctioned. He put his hand on his dick over his shorts and gave it a firm squeeze. Chan closed his eyes at the feeling and let out an involuntary moan, a moan that came out way too loud. He got nervous and thought you might find him out there listening in on you, so he quickly made his way to the bathroom to shower, jerk off, and pretend like he wasn’t eavesdropping, while you continued your phone conversation none the wiser that Chan had even come home let alone heard you. 

“But I can’t just fuck him. Of course I find him attractive, anyone with eyes would but its more than that for me girl, you know that. He’s just so unbelievably sweet and he’s dedicated to his art and the people he loves and he’s so funny, he’s always saying or doing something silly that makes me laugh, I don’t know... I think I’m in love with him Kimmy and it scares the shit out of me. I don’t want to keep making things more awkward and I need Channie in my life, even if that means just as friends and roommates. I can’t risk ruining that.” Just a few minutes pass and you heard the shower come on in the bathroom. 

“Oh, shit someone is home Kimmy I gotta go. I’ll talk to you later!” You hung up and went to go look at the pile of shoes by the door to see who had come home while you were distracted on the phone. Black sneakers. Chan. Oh fuck. You hoped he hadn’t heard any of your conversation with your friend. Your door was mostly closed but you weren’t exactly being all that quiet since you thought you were home alone. You busied yourself by tiding up around the apartment a bit to try and get rid of the nervous energy you were feeling then decided to grab a snack and head back to your room before Chan got out of the shower.  

Chan came out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. He was still dripping from the hot shower that he had attempted to jerk off in but he felt like a creep doing it, even though you had admitted to masturbating to the thought of him, he just couldn’t, so he had given up and washed up. Now he just wanted a bottle of water and then he was going to go to bed to hopefully sleep his painful hard on away. When Chan stepped into the kitchen, he stopped dead in his tracks. There you were in a big t-shirt and panties bent over at the waist in front of the fridge, one hand holding onto the door the other on your hip as you scanned the shelves for a bedtime snack. Your shirt had ridden up, your ass was peeking out, and you were the only bedtime snack Chan wanted at that moment. Without a neuron firing in his brain Chan walked up behind you, close enough that his body heat alerted you that he was there without actually touching you. You jumped, stood up, and spun around quickly finding yourself caged into the open fridge by Chan. 

“Jesus, Chan, you scared me.” Your words came out nervously and you couldn’t help but scan down his gorgeously sculpted body, beads of water running in paths along the lines of his muscles, a few slipping below the towel that did next to nothing to hide his... your eyes went wide when you noticed the slight tenting of Chan’s towel and you looked back up quickly, blushing, only to find Chan looking at you with something in his eyes you’d never seen before. It made you press your thighs together and you hoped he hadn’t noticed.

Chan leaned forward and you really had no idea what he was going to do next but the closer he got the more and more certain you were that he was leaning in to kiss you. You closed your eyes and Chan’s face stopped and inch or two away from yours. He grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge before standing back up, leaving your personal space again. When you felt Chan’s face move back away from you your eyes shot back open. Your ass was freezing from the open fridge, but your face was on fire from the embarrassment you felt thinking Chan was actually going to kiss you. Was he messing with you? Chan wasn’t usually like that with you, so why... 

“I heard you on the phone with Kimmy a bit ago.” Fuck he heard you!? You were mortified but tried to play it off like you didn’t know exactly what it was he was talking about. 

“Oh? What exactly did you hear?” You asked as you nervously started bouncing on one foot and then the other. Chan leaned in again but this time his pouty lips ghosted the shell of your ear. You could see steam coming off his body from the hot water evaporating in the cool air coming from the fridge. 

“Everything.” The word came out a breath and you could feel the warmth spread across your neck in complete  contrast to the fridge that was still standing open behind you. Chan saw you shiver and wrapped an arm around your waist pulling you close, your body pressed against his firm, wet, body. He pushed the fridge door closed and then backed you up against it. 

“I want you too y/n. We should do something about that don’t you think?” His lips hovered over your skin for just a moment before he started to gently kiss down your neck towards your shoulder. You let out a quick gasp at the contact. 

“Channie you... you...” You were trying to confirm that he really meant it, that he felt the same as you but you couldn’t form words when Chan’s lips continued pressing soft kisses against your skin, paying particular attention to the spots by your ear that seemed to make you squirm just a bit more than the other spots he gently suckled at. He pulled away and looked into your eyes. His were dark, pupils blown and filled with desire. 

“Let me make you feel good baby girl.” You moaned as you ran your fingers through Chan’s curls pulling him into a bruising kiss. Lips and teeth and tongue all fighting a war of passion. Chan’s strong hands gripped your ass tightly and you threw your arms around his neck as you continued to assault his plush lips with kisses and your teeth. Chan pulled away just enough to ask a very important question. 

“Yours or mine?” You kissed his lips again and again unable to get enough of the soft feeling of them against your own. 

“Uh, mine? It’s cleaner.” He laughed as he planted kisses and love bites down your jaw and neck before lifting you. You wrapped your legs around him as he carried you to your room. When Chan got to the side of your bed, he gently laid you down and hovered over you as he peppered kisses down your neck again. One of his hands traveled down your body and started to lift the hem of your shirt. 

“Can I take this off?” You nodded and Chan quickly pulled the shirt up and over your head leaving you topless in your panties underneath him. You wanted to be embarrassed but Chan’s reaction prevented that from being possible. He closed his eyes biting at his lip trying maintain his composure and he was still overwhelmed by you. By the feel of your soft skin, the smell of you surrounding him. You smelled like fresh laundry, and wild flowers and it made Chan dizzy. He thought he had to be dreaming; right? He just knew when he opened his eyes again, he would find himself in his bed laying in freshly washed sheets. Yet when he actually opened his eyes, he found that you were really underneath him, half naked, blushing and waiting for him to say or do something. 

“God you’re so fucking beautiful.” Chan leaned down and placed wet open-mouthed kisses against your chest and then your breasts before taking one of your nipples into his mouth and teasing it with his teeth and the tip of his tongue. You arched in to his touch as he focused entirely on one breast licking, nipping and sucking at the bud eagerly before moving to give your other a similar treatment. Your fingers wove through Chan’s hair as he started to work his way down your body from your breasts. Tender kisses down your tummy towards your core. He pressed a soft kiss on your panties before looking up at you again. 

“Can I get a taste of you baby girl?” His hands slid gently up and down your thighs and hips as he waited for your reply. 

“Please Channie, please.” You begged, breathy and wanting and he was not going to make you wait. He slid your panties down and off, seeing the glistening slick that was already coating your cunt. Chan leaned down and gently ran his tongue through your folds, groaning at the taste of you. 

“Fuck baby your so wet for me” He firmly slid his tongue through your folds again this time the tip of his tongue teasing your clit, making you squirm in his grasp. 

“Mmmm. You taste so good, wanna have my face buried in your pussy all night.” Chan’s tongue slid back into you dragging across your clit with purpose as he started to actually devour every bit of your pussy he could reach with his lips and tongue. He had you writhing in a matter of minutes, pulling at his hair, your hair, your breasts, the sheets, completely overwhelmed by the pleasure his mouth was inflicting on you.  

“Ch-Channie! Oh my god! Th-that feels so fucking good PLEASE don’t stop!! PLEASE don’t stop baby.” Chan shook his head no, indicating he had no intentions of stopping until you had melted entirely on his tongue. His pouty lips attached to your clit and he hummed against you holding you firmly down on the mattress when you started coming and thrusting uncontrollably.  

“Fuck! Fuck! I’m coming Channie Oh my god! Yes! Yes!” Chan eagerly licked every inch of your cunt clean until you couldn’t take any more and pulled away from him panting, your chest heaving. You looked down and even through your hazy, post orgasm, lust filled eyes you could see the obvious tent Chan had been sporting under that towel had gotten much bigger. You grabbed the corner of the towel that was tucked in and pulled it loose tossing it aside, leaving Chan completely naked on top of you. You chewed at your lip at the sight of him. The way the lines of his Adonis belt trailed and lead to his thick cock, firm and leaking, for you. You gathered spit in your mouth and licked your palm before you grabbed his shaft and slowly, gently, started stroking him. Chan’s eyes closed as he relished in the feeling of you touching him FINALLY. 

“That feels so fucking good baby girl, FUCK, so good.” He’d been hard for so long now it was a welcome sensation even if it was minimal contact. Your other hand pushed against Chan’s firm chest making him roll over on to his back. You straddled his legs, braced one hand on his firm abdomen and began to jerk him off more firmly. 

“Wanna, make you feel good too Channie.” You leaned down, your face hovering over Chan’s cock as you continued stroking it. Chan gently grabbed a hand full of your hair on each side of your head guiding your mouth towards his throbbing dick. 

“You are making me feel so good beautiful, now be a good girl and suck on me a little; won’t you?” You did as Chan asked and took the tip of his cock into your mouth, gently sucking as you swirled your tongue around him, collecting the salty precum he was still leaking. Chan gently pushed you further down his dick, never forcefully, just little by little until he felt the back of your throat constrict around his cock as you gagged a little. He eased up to give you control back but instead of pulling away from his cock for a breath like he thought you would do, you gagged yourself further with Chan’s dick, spit dripping from your mouth down his cock. 

“FUCK! FUCK!” Chan’s grip remained gentle as he slowly, softly, thrusted into your throat a couple of times. You did pull away after that, you took a deep breath and spit on Chan’s cock, stroking him from base to tip, with a twist of your wrist. 

“You don’t have to be gentle Channie, use me how you want, fuck my throat.” Chan thought he had to have died and gone to heaven. When your warm mouth enveloped his cock again, he did exactly as you asked. His grip on your hair tightened just enough to sting in a pleasurable way and Chan held your head in place as he lifted his hips and started thrusting up into your throat, drool continued to drip down his shaft, down his balls, with each thrust into your mouth.  

“God damn baby! You are such a good girl aren’t you? So fucking good at sucking my dick! So eager to choke on me.” You slurped and hummed around Chan’s cock in appreciation of the praise he was giving you. Chan bottomed out in your throat, your nose buried against him until he felt your throat tighten around the head of his cock, quickly pulling you off after, afraid he might blow his load if he didn’t. You gasped taking in as much air as you could, a string of saliva and precum still connecting your plump bottom lip and Chan’s cock. 

“That’s my good girl.” Chan tilted your head up and kissed you, his tongue sliding against yours. He started pecking little kisses to your lips. It was so sweet it made your heart swell. 

“You wanna ride my cock now baby girl? Hmm?” And hearing him say that made your pussy drip and clench. You bit at your fingernail and nodded. Your glistening, spit coated chin and the sweet innocent doe eyes you flashed at Chan were in total contrast to each other and made him melt. 

“Fuck! How are you that cute when you were just choking on my dick beautiful?” You blushed and Chan scooted up your bed, leaning against your head board patting his lap for you to climb on top of him again. You wiped your chin and crawled onto his lap. One of his hands rested on your hip as the other cupped your face and pulled you in for a kiss. It was tender, plump lips slotted together. Chan pulled away but his lips hovered closely to yours, his eyes still closed. 

“Do you have a condom? I happen to have left mine in my other towel.” You laughed and shook your head as you leaned over, grabbing a condom out of the drawer of your nightstand and handing it to Chan. You sat back on his firm thighs and watched intently with your lip between your teeth as he ripped the wrapper open and tossed it aside before grabbing his hard cock, pinching the tip of the condom and rolling it down his length. When he had the condom on, he held his dick up straight for you to line yourself up on. You hovered over him and started to slowly slide down his length taking him inside you. When you were fully seated on him you stopped and enjoyed the full feeling it gave you having him so deep inside you. His hands resting on your hips. 

“Fuck Channie! It’s so big baby!” Chan smiled at you and pressed kisses against your chest and shoulders as his thumbs rubbed circles on your skin. 

“Go on baby girl, ride me, take what you want.” Chan’s words ignited a fire inside you and you lifted your hips and sank down, taking him fully again, drawing a deep moan from his chest. 

“MMmm Channie yes let me here how good it feels.” You lifted your hips again, sank down, and started a steady rhythm riding Chan’s cock. 

“Ooh fuck beautiful you feel amazing! So warm and wet for me.” He smacked your ass and gripped your hips tightly, urging you to ride him faster, harder and you did until your legs started to give out on you. When you couldn’t give anymore Chan flipped you onto your back. He threw your knees over his shoulders and sank back into you. 

“FUCK Channie yes! Right there PLEASE don’t stop!” Chan rolled his hips thrusting into you harder and faster each time.  

“I’m-I’m... I’m gonna cum Channie, please you’re gonna make me cum... Channie! FUCK!” Chan nodded, sweat trailing down his face, curls sticking to his forehead, as he continued to drive into you chasing your orgasms like a drug addict chases their high. 

“Go on baby girl, let go for me. Cream all over my cock and tell me who’s fucking you so well, who’s making your toes curl baby girl!” Your eyes rolled back into your head as your climax came up on you quickly. 

“You Channie, fuck! You do! Channie, you fuck me so good! Channie!!!!” When you fell over the precipice with Chan it was like all of your other senses were dialed down and all you could feel was the overwhelming shocks of your orgasm tearing through your body. 

“That’s it baby girl, such a good girl. Can I cum on you beautiful? Want to paint you pretty thing. Please baby?” You nodded giving Chan consent to unload on you. 

“Yes, Channie wanna feel your warm cum on me. Cum for me Channie, give it to me!” Chan pulled out, removed the condom, and started stroking his cock hard and fast over your body as you continued to coach him towards his orgasm. 

“That’s it Channie stroke it for me, cum for me, you’re so sexy stroking on your cock like that for me, please give me your cum!” The first hot streak of cum shot out of Chan’s dick and landed across your lower belly, more followed streaking across your mound and thighs until he had completely unloaded on you. He sat back on his knees a moment with his head tipped back and eyes closed, panting, while he came down from his orgasm. When he had clarity again Chan climbed off of you, reached over and handed you some tissue from your night stand to clean up with. 

“Holy fucking shit! Why did we wait so long to do that?!” You laughed at Chan’s exclamation as you started to clean his cum off of you and you both tried to catch your breath.  

“I don’t know!” You replied as you wiped at his cum on your thighs. Chan ran his fingers through his curls that were still soaked, only now from sweat, and rolled over to the edge of the bed. He grabbed his towel, stood and wrapped it around himself as if he was getting ready to leave and go to his own room. You were immediately confused; he wasn’t staying with you? 

“Well... I mean if you ever want to do it again, I’m down. Like a roommates with benefits kind of situation? That’s cool with me.” He laughed and leaned down to playfully peck a kiss on your lips but you pulled away quickly. When he stopped and looked at you, your cheeks were flushed but not from your post orgasm glow and there were tears starting to well up in your eyes. 

“Hey hey... Wha-” You cut Chan off with one question. 

“What EXACTLY did you hear from my conversation with Kimmy?” Chan reached up to wipe away the first tears that had slipped from your eyes and you flinched away again. Seeing you react to him that way after what you both had just done together sent a pang of pain through Chan’s chest. 

“What did you hear Chan?” You asked again so he answered. 

“I heard you say that you thought I was sexy, that you thought about me when you got off a lot and that you wanted to fuck me. I heard you say you didn’t know what to do about it so, I thought well, I think you’re sexy too and-” You put a hand up stopping him. You shook your head as the tears continued to collect in your eyes and streak your face. 

“Is that all?” Chan nodded confused. 

“Well yea, and I figured...” Far, far, too late now, you realized the huge mistake you had just made. 

“Get out Chan.” The shock that was plastered on his face at your words and how cold they sounded, how painful they sounded for you to say to him. 

“Wait. Y/n. Just wait, tel-” 

“GET OUT CHRISTOPHER!” You screamed and choked back a sob. Stunned. That was the only word to describe Chan’s expression. He had never once heard you raise your voice like that and you had NEVER called him by his English name. It was almost exclusively Channie every now and then Chan but never Christopher. He went to open his mouth and you laid down on your bed and pressed your face into your pillow unable to control the sobbing any longer, pulling your blanket over yourself to cover up. 

“Please please please... please, just go PLEASE!” You cried and pleaded with him, begging him to leave you alone. Chan wanted to rip his heart out and give it to you if it meant he could take away the pain you were feeling at that moment. A pain that he was certain he had somehow caused, though he didn’t know how. He didn’t say another word. He did as you asked and left but he hated doing it. He hated leaving knowing you were hurting and alone. He didn’t know why you regretted sleeping with him so suddenly. Maybe post orgasm clarity hit and you felt like you had made a mistake sleeping with him when he mentioned you living together, he just didn’t know.  

Either way he felt awful that he’d come on so strongly and that he hadn’t stopped for two fucking seconds and made sure that you one hundred and ten percent wanted it too. He should have. God damn his horny brain. He should have stopped and gotten a firm yes, definite, verbal, consent, but he saw you there after he heard what you said on the phone to Kimmy and every rational thought went out of his head. Only he was to blame for this situation for thinking with his dick and not his brain.  

Chan went to bed but he hardly got a wink of sleep as he laid in the dark and worried about you in the next room. Were you still crying? Would you be able to rest okay? Chan worried all night like that and in the morning, he got up earlier than he normally would and headed out to the kitchen hoping to see you there. To get a chance to talk about the night before. He heard a bit of murmuring coming from the dining area and he was hopeful but when Chan rounded the corner it was only Minho and Jisung he saw having breakfast at the table. 

“Hey, either of you seen y/n this morning?” Both the men eating breakfast nodded their heads with mouths full of food. 

“She was leaving for work when Minho got up, something about going in early and staying late.” Jisung elaborated hording his pancakes in his cheeks as he talked. 

“Why, what’s up?” Chan shook his head and ran a hand through his curls. 

“Nothing, just need to talk to her about something.” Chan grabbed a bottle of juice from the fridge and stopped, lingering there with the door open, remembering what had happened there just the night before. He shook the thoughts away and then he headed back to his room to get ready for his day while Jisung and Minho eyed each other suspiciously.  

Get to work early, stay late, avoid Chan at all costs. Those were your goals for the foreseeable future. You made it about a third of a way through your day before your boss, who you would also consider a friend, told you to go home and take some time off. You had only cried whenever something reminded you of Chan. The problem with that was that everything reminded you of him. So, you took your boss’ advice and went home to take some time for yourself. When you got home you went to your room, closed the door, pulled out your old record player and your crate of albums and dusted it all off. You put on one of your old vinyl records and curled up in your blankets on the floor beside it as it played, allowing the scratchy sound of the music to itch your brain.  

When Chan got home from work that evening Minho and Jisung were already home and making dinner. They were worried about you now also. You had been in your room the entire time they had been home listening to your records and refusing to answer your door. They watched Chan closely as he walked towards your rooms wondering just what the fuck had happened between the two of you. When Chan got to your room, he pressed his ear against the door and heard music softly playing. He tapped at your door lightly. 

“Y/n? Can I...” The music, that Chan could now clearly hear was an Otis Redding album, got louder drowning out his voice. He sighed and walked away from your door, into his own room. He decided, as much as he wanted to talk things out, that he had to give you the time that you clearly needed.  

One day, two days, three days, you stayed barricaded in your room listening to albums, only coming out when the guys were gone and only to shower, grab water and whatever you could force yourself to eat, which wasn’t much. Every day that passed Chan got more worried. He had tried to text you and call when you wouldn’t answer to his knocking at your door but you had his number set to DND and every time he knocked the music would get turned up again. By this time Minho and Jisung knew something serious was up between the two of you, they didn’t know what, they just knew Chan had fucked up somehow, big time. They did everything they could to pull it out of him but all he would say was he didn’t know.  

Chan didn’t want to tell them you had slept together; he didn’t think they needed to know that, or that you would want them to know that. You very obviously regretted the decision whatever the reason was, so he wasn’t about to go around telling people what the two of you had done. On day five the guys all had the day off and had stuck around the apartment for the day. You still remained in you fortress. In the evening there was a knock at the door and when Chan answered it, he found your best friend Kimmy on the other side. 

“Okay are you holding her hostage or have you killed her already?” Chan looked at Kimmy perplexed as he stepped aside to allow her in. 

“What are you talking about?” Chan asked as Kimmy made her way further into the apartment. 

“That is the only two ways the love of my life would go five whole days without replying to any of my texts or calls.” Minho threw his head back towards the two people that were walking into the living area. 

“Oh, dip shit there has done something to send her off the deep end. She’s been playing her records and pretty much hasn’t left her room since she was sent home from work Monday. I only knew that happened because I’m her emergency contact and her boss called me to check in on her when she didn’t answer her phone calls either.” Kimmy looked at Chan who looked away biting at his lips and pulling at his curls frustrated. 

“What the FUCK did you do Chan?” Kimmy took a step towards him and he backed up putting his hands up in defense. 

“Look I don’t really know exactly okay! One minute I’m overhearing her talking to you about wanting to fuck me, the next we’re having the BEST sex of my life and then the next minute she’s kicking me out crying and won’t tell me why or how I can help. I have no fucking clue and all I want to do it fix it!” Minho’s eyes shot to Chan instantly when he heard the new piece of information that Chan had been withholding. 

“You and y/n had sex!? Why are you only just now mentioning that?!” Chan shook his head. 

“Because it isn’t really any of your business, clearly, she regrets it so why would I go around telling people if she wishes she hadn’t done it?! I only told Kimmy because she was who was talking to y/n on the phone about the whole thing.” Things weren’t adding up to Kimmy though. If Chan had overheard your conversation and you had slept together what happened? Why were you upset? 

“With as little explicit detail as possible run down the moments right before she kicked you out.” Chan nodded and started giving a break down. 

“Alright so we... finished. I was getting up to go to my room to get dressed and work on some songs that needed arranging and I assume she was about to go to bed since she worked the next day...” Kimmy cut Chan off mid story. 

“You didn’t stay after you had sex? You know sleep together for the night after that? Cuddle, whatever?” Chan shook his head with his brows furrowed in confusion. 

“No, I didn’t know protocol in a situation like that. I thought it might be weird for people who were just hooking up to cuddle or sleep together so I was giving her space. We live together so; I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable...” Kimmy cocked an eyebrow at Chan and put up a finger to halt his reply. 

“What do you mean people who were just hooking up? Obviously, you know that was WAY more than just sex for y/n.” Chan had the look of a confused puppy on his face and Jisung and Minho could not defend his density in that moment. 

“I... what now?” Kimmy clenched her fists and took a step towards Chan again. 

“Are you really telling me y/n was just a FUCK for you right now?!” Chan backed away shaking his head. 

“Don’t say it like that! It wasn’t like that! I thought she wanted to be like friends with ben-” Chan was cut off by a right hook from Kimmy.  

“You idiotic, selfish, asshole! Y/n is in LOVE with you! If you had ACTUALLY listened to our whole conversation or stopped to talk to her yourself instead of just thinking with your dick, you wouldn’t have caused this situation in the first place because y/n would have NEVER slept with you if she knew you didn’t care about her!” Chan held his cheek as his eyes narrowed at Kimmy’s words. 

“Hey! Who the fuck says I don’t care about her?! Just because I read the situation wrong doesn’t mean that I don’t fucking care! It DESTROYS me to know that I’ve done something like this and hurt her. I would understand if she never forgave me because I don’t know if I’ll ever forgive myself! I have worried about her every minute of the last five days and she's right behind that door and I miss her so much!” Tears were welling up in Chan’s eyes the more he went on. 

“Now, you’re telling me I made the one girl I care about most think I don’t care at all. That she didn’t matter to me. That she was something I thought could be thrown away after being used. I hurt her in an unforgivable way and she’s been alone with those ideas, those thoughts, for days!” Chan pulled at his curls with both hands as the tears he had been trying to hold back, fell. Kimmy’s shoulders slumped in defeat. She hadn’t banked on Chan actually being in love with you too when he first started to explain the situation. Now that he’d confessed that he cared about you also she had to get him to say it to you; but how?  

“If I can get y/n to talk to you; you’re going to make everything right and tell her how you feel?” Chan shook his head with a glimmer of hope in his eyes. 

“I’ll tell her everything I swear! I’ll make it right!” Kimmy pointed at Chan. 

“You fucking better because she’s probably gonna murder me for this. Come stand here in the bathroom.” Chan got up and followed Kimmy down the hall. He could hear the music from your room again. Kimmy lowered her voice. 

“Just follow my plan. Stay here out of sight until you get the signal.” Chan wanted to ask what plan, what signal? Before he could Kimmy was walking towards your door and knocking. 

“Angel. Light of my life. Love of my lifetime. Open up please.” Kimmy pressed her forehead against the door, one of her hands braced on the door frame as she waited to see if you would reply or better yet open up. Kimmy’s head perked up when she heard your music get turned down. 

“K-Kimmy?” Even though you couldn’t see her she nodded. 

“Yea pumpkin it’s me, open up, let me in.” You cracked the door just a bit and peeked out. You looked so worn out and she wondered how much sleep you had been getting. Your eyes were rimmed red and she wasn’t sure if it was from the crying, lack of sleep, or both and her heart sank. 

“Are the guys gone?” Kimmy gave a small nod. A small nod and a small lie. You opened the door all the way to let Kimmy in and turned to start walking towards your record player and the blankets on the floor. 

“Shut the door on your way in please, I don’t want any of the guys walking in, especially Chan.” Kimmy hesitated a moment when you said that but decided to bite the bullet and waved Chan over, harshly pointing for him to go in instead of her. He looked apprehensive but when Kimmy gave him a death stare, he knew he had to do it. No matter how hard it was, no matter if it hurt him. Chan had to. For you. He walked into your room, your back was still turned and he shut the door. When you heard the door click closed you went into trying to explain what happened to your friend. 

“Kimmy I’m so stupid I-” Chan cut you off. 

“No, you’re not I am.” You spun around wide eyed, Chan’s voice being the last you thought you would hear coming from behind you since you had just been told that him and the other two guys were gone. Kimmy and now Jisung and Minho were plastered to the door. Kimmy looked around at them and quickly became the voice of reason. 

“We should give them some privacy.” Her and Jisung stood up to head back towards the living room and Minho nodded with his ear to the door. 

“Yea... you’re right.” He agreed but made no movement away from the door. Kimmy smacked Minho on the head. 

“That means you too nosey!” Minho grimaced but stood up and followed Kimmy and Jisung away from the door to give you two your moment alone. Back in the room things got tense fast as soon as you realized what your best friend had done and that it was Chan in your room and not Kimmy. 

“Chan!? Wha-?! GET OUT!” Tears started to well up in your eyes as you turned back away from him. 

“GET OUT!! PLEASE!” Your voice dropped off lower as you continued to beg Chan. 

“Please. I-I... I can- I can’t Ch-Channie please.” You hiccuped and cried as you sunk to your knees with your face in your hands begging him to leave. He had to stay though he had to tell you. It might not fix it but he can’t let you go on thinking he doesn’t care, that you don’t mean more to him. 

“I can’t go y/n I can’t. I-” Chan choked back his own tears seeing you broken on the floor knowing he was the one that broke you like that. 

“I am SO sorry. I know it takes none of the pain I caused away, I know that, but I am truly sorry. I’m sorry for not stopping and actually communicating better with you before taking such a huge step in our friendship, our relationship. I’m sorry for making you think you weren’t worth more than a fuck to me when you are so fucking precious to me baby girl. I’m sorry I didn’t see how much you cared about me. I’m sorry I was too stupid and scared to tell you I cared about you. I’m so SO sorry for hurting you y/n.” Chan leaned his back against your door and slid down burying his head in his knees as he cried. There was no going back. He was certain of that. He’d fucked up too big on this one. He’d done what was easily the worst thing he’d ever done in his life and no amount of apologizing or wishing would take it back.  

When your hand smoothed down the curls on the back of Chan’s head he almost jumped out of his skin. He hadn’t realized you had gotten up and made your way over to him after confessing his feelings for you. He lifted his head and your other hand wiped tears away from his cheek while your tears still trailed down your own. 

“Do you really mean it Channie? You really actually care about me? L-like the way I care about you I mean?” You sniffled and you sounded so, unsure, shocked even. Like there was no possibility that could ever be the scenario and he was just messing with you. You knew he wasn’t but that would seem more likely than him actually caring for you in your mind. Chan’s hands cupped your face. 

“Baby girl, I am absolutely crazy for you. I am so in love with you y/n.” You leaned in and pressed your lips against his with your eyes closed tightly, afraid if you opened them, you’d find yourself waking from some dream. You pulled away, your lips hovering an inch away from Chan’s. 

“I love you too Channie.” You started kissing him again, with more passion, and you climbed on his lap straddling his waist, a thigh on each side of his body as his hands found purchase on your waist. Your lips pressed against his jaw, his throat, and you started to push his shirt up exposing his firm torso. Chan stopped you. 

“Wait wait wait. We don’t have to-” You sat up straight with a small frown on your face and Chan sat up straighter too. 

“Y-you don’t want to-” Chan stopped that idea dead in its tracks. 

“NO! I mean yes! I want to! I do. I just don’t want to give you the wrong impression after everything that’s happened already. What I feel for you, it’s not just about sex baby. I REALLY need for you to know that. Do you understand?” You shook your head and pulled Chan in for another kiss. It started sweet and warm but quickly heated up into one burning with the anticipation you both felt. When you slid over Chan’s lap you could feel his growing erection pressing against you. Chan started kissing and nibbling at your neck and you tilted your head granting him better access, letting out a breathy moan. 

“W-will you stay with me tonight? I mean like sleep in here with me?” Chan stopped immediately. He held your face and looked deeply into your eyes. 

“Baby yes, yes, I will, I promise! I was an idiot the other night. No matter what the situation, even if it had been casual, I shouldn’t have gotten up and tried to leave right after we finished, while you were still cleaning up. That was incredibly stupid and disrespectful of me to do and I swear my intentions were good but it’s the road to hell that’s paved by those. I fucked up. Our first time should have been special. Our first time should have been me making love to you not fucking you and trying to leave you to clean my cum off yourself alone. I’m so sor-” Chan’s voice started to quiver as tears pricked his eyes again and you pushed your fingers against Chan’s lips. 

“It’s alright now Channie. I know, I just... just needed to hear you say you would is all.” You threaded your fingers through his hair as he nodded his understanding and your lips met again. 

“You can make it up to me, make love to me now Channie. Touch me baby.” Chan stood up with you in his arms and carried you over to your bed laying you down gently. He peeled his shirt off and climbed on top of you capturing your lips as his hands roamed your body and then removed your shirt. Pleased to find you braless, he cupped one of your breasts and pinched the nipple until it pebbled. Chan lazily made out with you, tongues gliding over each other's as his hand ventured further down your body until he slid his fingers in to the waist band of the pajama pants you were wearing and he stopped. 

“Is this okay?” You shook your head yes and bit at your lips as Chan’s fingers continued past your waist band and slid through your wet folds, starting at your entrance, gathering your arousal and then gently rubbing your clit. When your mouth fell open Chan took the opportunity to put his tongue in it again. Your lips latched onto his super soft plump ones and you wrapped your arms around Chan’s broad shoulders as two of his fingers slid inside you. 

“Fuck Channie! That feels really good baby!” Chan sucked and nibbled on your ear as he started finger fucking you slow and deep, curling his fingers until you... 

“THERE! F-FUCK! Right there Channie oh my fucking god don’t stop!” Chan smiled against your neck as his fingers drove you to the edge and over. 

“Cum for me baby girl let me see that pretty face you make when you melt for me.” And melt you did drenching Chan’s fingers in your cum as he worked you through your climax. 

“No one is as pretty as you are when you cum baby girl god damn.” Your whole body was flushed and you were panting as you pulled Chan on top of you and started kissing him again. 

“I need you Channie please.” Chan nodded he grabbed your pajama pants and pulled them down and off of you before standing and taking off his own pants and underwear and crawling back between your legs. Chan reached over for the drawer in your night stand that you had pulled a condom out of the last time. He opened it and fished one out, quickly putting it on and lining up with your glistening cunt. He hesitated, leaning down, his fingers tracing your face, pushing your hair away as he looked at you. 

“I love you y/n.” Chan kissed you and slowly pushed into you. You moaned out into his kiss from the pleasure of having him inside you again and the words that came out of his mouth just before claiming you. 

“Channie oh my god! I love you please, keep going!” Chan set a slow pace but fucked you deep as he peppered tender kisses across your face. 

“This is what you deserve baby girl, gentle touches, soft kisses. You’re so pretty, so soft, you take me so well jagiya.” Chan moved a bit faster as you started to thrust your hips against his. 

“You’re so good to me Channie, you’re treating me so sweetly. You make me feel so sexy, so good.” You pulled Chan down into another kiss and then brought your lips to his ear. 

“I love how sweet and gentle you’ve been treating me baby.” Your voice dropped to a whisper. 

“Now please, fuck me like I’m yours.” Chan looked at you and the sweet innocent face you were giving him moments before was long gone and was replace by want and lust. Chan sat back on his knees pulled you close by your hips and started to fuck you fast and hard. 

“God YES Channie! YES, like that! HARDER please!” Chan started thrusting into you even harder and you held onto him trying to ground yourself to something tangible.  

“I try to give it to you sweet and soft but you want me to fuck you huh? You want it hard huh?” Chan slammed into you faster the more worked up he got. 

“Yes, baby fuck me hard! Make me take your cock deep baby FUCK!” Chan smirked at you and started fucking you deeper. 

“You’re so sweet but you just want to be fucked like a slut don’t you baby girl. Are you my good little slut?” Something about the angle Chan was hitting now, and the way he called you HIS good little slut sent you flying into oblivion out of nowhere. You orgasm blindsided you like a linebacker. You couldn’t process the words in your head, they just came out as you rode through the waves of ecstasy Chan was sending you on. 

“Yes Channie, fuck yes, I’m your good little slut Channie. Want your cum! Where do you want to cum baby? Give it to me where ever you want!” Chan kept fucking you hard and deep for a moment longer dragging out your climax as long as possible before pulling out and pulling the condom off. He stroked the head of his cock as he twisted his wrist moaning at the sight of you fucked out beneath him. 

“Your mouth baby? Can I cum in your mouth?” You nodded as your eyes were completely fixated on Chan’s hand gliding up and down his pretty, flushed, cock. You propped yourself up on your elbows and Chan’s thighs started to tremble the closer he got to his orgasm. 

“I’m gonna cum baby girl, FUCK! I’m gonna cum!” You opened your mouth wide, sticking out your tongue. Chan pressed the head of his cock on your tongue and as the first stream of salty cum coated it you wrapped your lips around the head of Chan’s cock and sucked him dry while he shook and twitched through the aftershocks of his climax. Chan pulled his dick out of your mouth and he sat back on his feet looking down at you still propped on your elbows. You gave Chan a cute little smirk and then opened your mouth and let his cum and your spit dribble down your chin and onto your breasts. 

“Oh, FUCK baby girl! You are so dirty!” Chan leaned down and kissed your messy lips as he groped your cum covered breasts, smearing his seed around your nipples as he continued to devour your lips. Rutting against you already working his way towards round two. Only when you heard a knock at your bedroom door did you two stop and remember there were other people in the apartment and you two had just had very loud makeup sex. You cleared your throat and tried to sound as normal as possible when you answered. 

“Uh... yeaaa? What’s up?” You heard a throat clear and then Jisung spoke up. 

“I have been nominated, for some fucking reason...” Jisung said under his breath. 

“To be the one to ask if you guys want to quote ‘take a refuel break from your fuck session’, Minho’s words not mine, and have dinner with us before Kimmy leaves?” Your face burned red as you thought about everything they all must have just heard. Could you go out there and face them at the dinner table right after that? You looked at Chan who looked down at his already half hard cock and smirked at you before he shouted back to Jisung. 

“No thanks the fuck session isn’t over just yet! Tell Kimmy y/n will call her tomorrow.” The disgusted groan that came from Jisung as he walked away could be heard easily through the door, but you couldn’t find it in you to care when Chan’s pouty lips were pressed against your skin again. When you both had finally exhausted yourselves and gotten cleaned up Chan crawled into bed under the covers with you, pulled you close and held you as you both fell asleep together, just like he promised. 

Please do not repost or translate any of my works. My blog and stories are NSFW and 18+ ONLY! Minors, ageless, and blank blogs will be blocked!

[suzukiblu]

For your ask game, what’s your favorite thing you’ve ever written?

. . . god I don't even know, man, that's a LOT of things, hahaha. And like, that answer definitely changes depending on the day/year/phase of the moon. So you're getting a couple answers here! Also I'm gonna keep this mostly to DC and only include finished fics, because me picking between WIPs would take a thousand years and also probably kill us all, lol (ignore the fact that a couple of these fics have sequels in-progress right now, STILL COUNTS OKAY??).

everything happens for a reason. sometimes that reason is that you are stupid and make bad decisions. is one of the funniest fucking things I've ever written, full stop. Lex is SO fun to write, seriously, I could write him all fucking DAY.

I'm really proud of blondes really do have more fun, both because of how much it seems to have affected/touched people who read it and because I think it was my first experience with writing gender euphoria as a major thing and writing, like, an actual explicit trans narrative? Like, I definitely wrote genderfuckery and implications and metaphors before that and probably even some trans characters, arguably, but that's the first story I really remember deliberately just making about being TRANS. And also holy shit, man, did I ever love writing gender euphoria for the first time, especially because I'd mostly only seen gender DYSphoria as a focal point in other stories and it just didn't/doesn't resonate with me the same way. I'm not trans because everything else makes me miserable, I'm trans because that's what makes me HAPPY. I don't remember if I was intentionally thinking that at the time, but that's the story I wanted to write for that one.

one day this will all be yours and you found me when no one else was looking are both concepts I love and found really cathartic to write and was very pleased to finish. I love that they're sort of "families of choice" fics about, like, actual BIOLOGICAL families (like, in the context of the fics, anyway), which probably sounds weird but is a concept I'm sort of painfully fascinated by--like, about the fact that you CAN choose your family, obviously, but sometimes you're lucky enough to find out that you had someone worth choosing already and just didn't necessarily know it, or to both grow into people who CAN choose each other even if you had problems or lashed out due to outside traumas or didn't always understand each other. That's, like, very personally relevant and meaningful to me, the idea that maybe the thing that got all fucked-up and the choices you made when you didn't fully understand the consequences of them can still be worked through and repaired and made into something new and better.

Also, special mention because this one is back a few fandoms but zero humble on it: best friends means you get what you deserve is just really, really good, and I did GOOD on it, hah. I took a three-word prompt/concept and turned it into 17k of "hey, doesn't this make more sense for why this character is the way he is, and isn't this what the main character actually wanted??" in genre-savvy explanation of why the sidekick character might stick around for the antisocial asshole hero and seem perfectly happy to base their life largely around them no matter how said hero treats them, and then I made the Consequences(tm) happen to Jaskier and Geralt, both bad AND good. I am just SO dang proud of that one, UGH I love it. ❤️❤️❤️❤️ FRIENDSHIP, AND THE CONSEQUENCES THEREOF.

[fairdale]

thinking about how dad jace would absolutely have to rethink his childhood trauma after having kids because he could never think of doing the things valentine did to him to his kids

thinking about how dad jace would attempt to teach all his kids piano and be so happy when at least one of them shows actual interest (like imagine him tinkering around on the keys with his kid on his lap UGH)

thinking about how jace notices everything so dad jace would always notice if his kid wasn’t eating or sleeping or anything in the way no adult noticed about him when he was struggling in tmi

thinking about how dad jace would absolutely hype up his kids and think they’re the absolute best because of course, they share dna with clary and his cocky self

thinking about how jace is already such a weapons nerd (ex: him with kit and emma in general or jules specifically in that entry of sobh) so dad jace would take his baby to the weapons room and point at every item and explain what it is (clary disapproves but jace insists baby shadowhunters must be informed). his kids dread his lectures about weapon history once they’re older but in a funny exasperated way

thinking about how dad jace won’t know how to work technology well and his kids will 100% make fun of this. someone needs to humble that man after all

okay okay I’ll stop thinking now!! what can i say your post really inspired me!

oh, please don't stop on my accord, i'm just gonna cry a little because i'm picturing dad jace again and my heart did a thing and he deserves the best in the world :(

[tgrailwar-zero]

You agreed to go speak with the King of Heroes.

PTOLEMY: "…Well, I wish you the best of luck. I need to finalize my own attack plans for tomorrow's assault. Hopefully, come a few days from now, this issue with Charlemagne will only exist within the records of the Solar Cell as a minor inconvenience."

ANDERSEN: "Hopefully. Now I'm going to rest. Never call me out here this late ever again, Pharaoh, lest I send a complaint to HR."

The KEEPER and the ARCHIVIST took their leave. With them gone, the PHARAOH turned to her two guards.

CLEOPATRA: "Izou, get going. I won't tell you to be safe, not with the type of work you do. But I want a full report when you return."

IZOU: "You're a real piece of work, Pharaoh. Yeah, yeah. I'll bring you the king's head and a stack of paperwork with it."

CLEOPATRA: "And Duryodhana… I'm expecting a lot from you. Don't let me or the people of the Solar Cell down."

DURYODHANA: "I wasn't planning on it, Pharaoh Cleopatra. Sit on your throne and remain as beautiful and glimmering as ever, as Yours Truly saves the Solar Cell in your radiant name."

Her expression softened, just a bit, before she cleared her throat and regained her poise.

CLEOPATRA: "You two… ugh, just get to work! I'll make sure you have a celebratory party and a raise when you return, so come back soon!"

The two warriors nodded as they left.

…It seemed like you should leave to prepare as well.

You returned to your hotel room, with your group-- all of them-- present. CONSTANTINE sat up as you returned, the rest of the Servants acknowledging your arrival.

NERO: "And so you return. Welcome back."

CONSTANTINE: "Ruler already gave us an update on the situation."

CONSTANTINE: "You had arrived for peace talks with Charlemagne, and while you all were unaware, the Assassins struck. They landed a mortal wound on Emperor Charlemagne, but they didn't account for the fact that he had crafted an Alter-Ego out of one of his Paladins, in which he entrusted the remainder of his Saint Graph data to. The newly resurrected Charlemagne, calling himself Carolus Magnus, assumed that the Assassins were working in tandem with the Administration, rather than at the behest of a third party. With this misunderstanding in hand, the Paladins withdrew and pushed forward their war plans, meaning that the conflict will begin tomorrow morning as opposed to several days from now. You attempted to dispatch the Assassins before they could cause any more harm, but they managed to slip away with minimal losses."

KUKULKAN: "…"

GIUSEPPE: "…"

SALIERI: "This is good. The Red Saber needed to be humbled. He's down a Paladin, and he is going against the might of the Solar Cell, as well as us. He is fighting a losing battle."

MUSASHI: "We finished talking with the Pharaoh. In the morning, they're waging an assault on two fronts against Charlemagne. Meanwhile, we've been saddled with finding the King of Heroes."

NERO: "The King of Heroes… Gilgamesh, you mean?"

GIUSEPPE: "Mankind's Oldest Hero… such a man was here this entire time? I never noticed… which seems odd. I'm not arrogant enough to say my information gathering is flawless, but I doubt that I could have missed someone like the King of Heroes."

CONSTANTINE: "Perhaps he's simply concealing himself?"

NERO: "…I doubt that. Even with my fractured memories… That conceited king… he'd have a monument to himself towering high enough for every person within the Solar Cell to see before he decided to hide. There's something else at play here. We'll just have to find out once we get there."

KUKULKAN: "From our discussion, it seems that he'll be difficult… but if we can even convince him to give us one item from his treasury, it could be all the difference."

CONSTANTINE: "Very well. We'll leave at daybreak."

SALIERI: "Hmph. While I'd rather take Charlemagne's head myself, I suppose I can handle a detour if it proves to forge a path forward."

CONSTANTINE: "I'll chart out a course. Masters, you should get some rest. We'll be on the road for about two days, and who knows what we'll find. You should rest too, Saber. You've worked really hard today, handling that massive Attack Program."

NERO: "Ah! I nearly forgot! You were absolutely splendid, Saber! You and our Ensemble! Certainly, you've put my Mystic Code to good use. I'm very pleased!"

MUSASHI: "Thanks! Honestly, without the Masters, I probably would have struggled a ton. Oh, and that Admiral lady too! She said she was going to have drinks… maybe I could…?"

CONSTANTINE: "Rest, Saber."

MUSASHI: "Okay, dad."

KUKULKAN: "Right, when the sun rises, we begin our journey to see the King of Heroes!"

A loud cheer erupted from your Servants before they all broke away to handle their own preparations. It seemed like the next leg of your journey was about to begin...

[eternitas]

They never learn

A small one shot about Ava, once again, being challenged to a duel, with his opponent making a particularly bad move.

For the sake of convenience all languages have been reduced to be in english.

"What's going on?"

"Ava got challeged to a duel!"

"Ugh, again?"

The young rain division member looked at his Vincenso rather confused. Was this a common occurance? Noticing the young members look, the older man crossed his arms, seeing the crowd around the windows growing bigger as everyone tried to get a glimpse of the outside where the two opponents would hold their duel.

"Oh, there is constantly someone who comes here, new and with a lot of pride, believing that Ava got his position out of pure nepotism. Everyone who has been here for longer than a few months knows that that is absolute nonsense, but those kinds of people usually have more ego than common sense."

Sergey grinned when he heard the lightning division member explain the situation. These duels might've been a big annoyance to Ava, but to Sergey they became a source of entertainment. There was a certain pleasure he got from watching his collegue utterly obliterate his opponents, humbling them in the process. It was far more than simple Schadenfreude.

"Move."

He looked up when he heard the familiar voice.

"Oh, hey Lorenzo, welcome back, how was the mission?"

"Boring, did someone-"

"Yup. Fernando, one of your storms."

The tall man that had just arrived clicked his tongue in annoyance and crossed his arms, leaning against the frame of the open window.

"Jackass. He probably took the opportunity of me not being around."

Sergey laughed at that.

"Wouldn't be surprised! You're usually the only one in the storm division with enough common sense to stop people like that."

"Well, guess we'll have to see who takes over his work this week. He won't survive this."

Almost on queue a familiar voice started to advertize this rounds betting pool. Sergey looked at Lorenzo.

"Wanna bet?" They never joined the official betting pool, but they liked to still make a bet. Never if Ava would win or lose and rather how long these duels would last.

"500 Euro?"

"Are you crazy? I'm short! 50!"

"100."

"75!"

"Deal."

Sergey sighed.

"Okay, so? You have an advantage, the guy is in your division."

"I wasn't at the evaluation last time, so I don't know anything about him, aside of the fact that he is annoying as all hells." Sergey chuckled at that, eyes wandering back to the two opponents. Fernando was stretching, clearly showing off his muscles as he flexed and swung his big sword that was as 40cm wide and about an adult mans height. Ava was standing completely still and watching. Only ocassionally he moved to stretch and keep his body from going dormant.

"So?" Sergey asked and waited for Lorenzos estimation.

"Mh. Fiiiivv- no wait 7 minutes."

"You think he will pose such an issue?"

"No. Something else." Curious, Sergey looked back at his colleague.

"What?"

"Like I'll give you pointers. So? What you bet against?" He pushed air out of his nose, but then looked back towards the two swordfighters. Ava seemed to keep himself nible for the fight and already studied his opponent while Fernando wanted to boast and attract an even larger crowd.

"Then I'll say 5 minutes!" The two men shook hands, just before Sergey felt a tap to his shoulder and turned his head around to Leonard, a tall blonde guy, who looked especially anxious and signed in italian [I have a bad feeling about this.]

Sergey pat his best friends side.

"Don't worry. These things always end the same." Even if he said it to calm his best friend down, he knew that Leo wasn't particularly worried about Ava.

Slowly Avas patience was running out. How much did this guy want to stall? His eyes wandered up towards the open windows where he spotted Sergey and locked eyes with him. He signed him [Time?] and got signed back [16:48].

This is ridiculous.

"Fernando, could we please get on with this duel, I would like to be done with this before 5 o'clock." Ava heared a few people give a soft "oooh!" as if he had just deeply insulted his opponent, when what he said was 100% genuine. Fernando frowned and almost demonstratingly cracked his bones, moving his head from side to side. How pretentious.

"Yeah, sure. Didn't think you were so gung ho about getting your ass beaten, but sure! Let's give the people a show!"

"I'd rather end this quickly. I have a meeting with Captain Squalo." he said, watching Fernando wrap his hand around his big sword. Ava remained unmoving.

"Don't worry, I'll send your remains to him on time!"

Fernando was definitely quick, despite how heavy the weapon must've been, but it was still a big blade that Ava could sidestep-

Just as Avas foot touched the grass again he strongly pushed down to jump further back. His eyes were focused on the intricate swirls carved into the metal. Even if he had dodged the initial swing, they must've created a strong enough current that would've sucked him back in if he hadn't widened the distance.

"Not bad! You're the first one to dodge it right away! But that doesn't mean you can escape!"

He moved in quickly again, closing their distance and swinging his sword, using quick changes in his grip position to change the swing trajectory. Not bad. But predictable. Ava managed to dodge them all with just enough distance to not be sucked into the created vortex, when suddenly he felt a strong pull, way stronger than before and relaized he wouldn't be able to dodge this one. Instantly he yanked at his swords scabbard, the loop to his belt ripping, before he slightly drew his blade out and blocked the big sword with the steel.

"Ya think I'm that weak?! That the moment someone got behind the trick, I've run out of options?!"

Can't he just shut up and fight?

Repeatedly Fernando pulled Ava back in, forcing him to block with his sword and be pushed around due to the difference in their strength.

Up on the first floor a commotion began as people started to make space and mumbled, some even hushing a name and title. Sergey looked up as the people behind him quickly made space. Before he even saw his Captain the face of a blackhaired young man came into his view, leaning over the edge of the window.

"Isn't that, Ava?!" Yamamoto asked in japanese as he watched his mentors younger brother get pushed around the field. Squalo stood behind him, observant and calm. The rain division was so used to this whole ordeal, that it at most got annoyance from it's members and excitement at best. Nobody explained anything for the first seconds, before Sergey took pity on the confused young man.

"Ava gets regularly challenged to duels, because people think he got his position due to being the captains younger brother."

"But Ava is a great swordsman, he's really strong!"

"Ding ding ding! Exactly! That's why the only people stupid enough to try and fight him are those that need to be severely humbled. It's almost an initiation ritual for the new batch of recruits. Watch one of your colleagues get absolutely destroyed in front of everybody by the tiny shark."

"What's wrong, Ava?! All ya do is just defend! Are you that scared?!" Fernando yelled with another swing at the other, forcing Ava to widen their distance again. However Fernando didn't follow him anymore to pressure him. He seemed to get agitated. Just as planned. His ego demanded more.

"Will you properly draw your sword already and fight back?! I'm gonna look like an asshole, if I beat you without you attacking me too!"

"Shut up and just fight Fernando! We don't have all day!" Someone from the sidelines yelled towards him. It was someone from the Rain Division too.

"Ya really don't have any comrades here, huh? Not surprised, considering you are Squalos baby brother."

This again. Ava took the opportunity to get up properly and check for the snapped loop. Luckily he still had one he could use, but it was unfortunate-

"Honestly, don't even know why everyone's idolizing the guy anyway, he lost to a fucking middleschooler and tried to off himself in absolute shame! Honestly you're both pathetic. I'll go for him next! Then you two can at least reunite in hell!"

Immideatly the entire area grew absolutely silent. It was as if someone had already died. Squalo was the first to break the silence with a deep inhale and exhale, followed by Sergey sighing disappointed.

"Well, there we go."

"So, this will be over in about a minute." added Lorenzo.

Confused Yamamoto looked between the two swordsman and Lorenzo, then back at the fighting field and back at Squalo.

"Wait, what's going on?"

"Fernando just insulted the captain. And Ava is known for that being one of the few things you should NOT say in a fight against him."

Fernando yelled again.

"Go on! I'll even give you one freebie, goldfish!"

"Ooooh- yep, he's dead now." Sergey said once more as Lorenzo pinched the bridge of his nose. He had specifially told the others not to use that on Ava.

Everyone seemed to hold their breath, waiting for Avas next move. Just as Fernando got impatient and wanted to yell again Ava moved, carefully reattaching his scabbard to his side.

"I see. Very well then."

Ava drew his sword, slowly and deliberately.

"No turning back now."

In an instant it was as if the air pressure had trippled, as if all of a sudden a cold gust of wind straight from the peaks of the alps swept over the entire area.

Murder intent.

That slight moment of perplexity was enough to make an opening for Ava. As if he appeared out of thin air Ava was in front of Fernando ready for his swing. He could barely move his big sword into a block, but as the Katana hit at slight an angle a weird vibration seemed to go through Fernandos body. His muscles were suddenly not responding anymore and he abandoned his weapon to jump back to distance. What the hell was that?!

"What's wrong? Running away?"

Up at the window Sergey gave a chuckled "Oooh!". Now it was getting interesting! The surrounding members, especially from the Rain Division had now relaxed and were eagerly watching the fight, cheering Ava on.

Out of a weapon it was now Fernando who was dodging, though to anyone familiar with swordfighting it was clear that Ava wasn't seriously chasing him and more shooing him around a bit, leading him back to his weapon that Fernando picked up with still some trouble. When the blades crossed, Ava striked before the big sword could gain any momentum and overpower him. He always swung at a slight angle that pushed every attack of his opponent back, but-

Sergey frowned.

"Why is he stalling?" he wondered loudly. With a hunch as to what the reason might be Lorenzo looked over to Squalo, who had been watching this entire time without saying a single word. It was as if he was completely turned to stone.

Fernando grew more frustrated with every blow that he tried to land and ultimately got interrupted in. This guy was not just half his weight and size, but also half his fucking age! There was no way that this child could already have such skill and strength! This BABY and the clown with his stupid needle were supposedly stronger than him?!

A grunt of anger left him as he swung again, this time he wasn't blocked, but merely redirected as Ava used his swords blade like a slide to guide the others weapon away. His opponent lost footing as the sword dug itself into the ground and next thing he knew he got a kick to his face that send him staggering back. Cursing under his breath he held his face, blood running out of his nose and a broken lip. This fucking brat! Ava actually moved away from the others sword.

"Pick it up. Or are you scared?"

"You-!" Fernando growled deeply and ran to pick up his sword. Both had clear rage inside of them and were ready for a final confrontation when the loudest voice of all cut through the air.

"VOI! AVA!"

It got instantly quiet again, Sergey pressing his hands against his ears as Squalo pushed Yamamoto aside to be properly visible in the window. Then he stretched his arm out, thumb up, before in the next moment he turned the thumb down like a roman emperor at the colloseum. Once he was sure the order was registered he pulled back from the window and left without another word. Disgruntled Lorenzo sighed.

"Not like we're already short on members."

"Squalo!" Yamamoto called out, ready to follow the captain before his curiosity pulled him back to see what Ava would do now.

Fernando had frozen the moment he heared Squalos voice. A deep part inside of him had wished the Varia captain would've called his brother back, but now he knew he had made a mistake. When they had tried to stop him he should've had listened. And now he had to survive. At least survive! Then he could still get the hell out of this place that bred nothing but monsters!

He leaned against his blade that was still halfway stuck in the ground, trying to get his body to calm down while Ava slowly lowered his stance, every muscle tense and both hands on his blades handle. what followed next was hard to see with the naked eye, but those who realized what Ava was doing could follow his movement.

In an instant he had passed Fernando, stricken once through his blade and his torso. And yet there was not a single sign of anything having happened except for a stain of blood from Fernandos chest. Ava had pierced his heart. His opponent stood there absolutely unmoving.

With a swift swing of his sword Ava rid his blade of any stray blood and then reached for a handkerchief to wipe the metal clean before he sheathed his katana. Yamamoto blinked.

"Well that's done now- Fuck! 11 minutes?!"

"Pay up, bitch."

Sergey grumbled before Takeshi turned to him.

"Wait, what happened? Ava clearly cleanly struck him!" Sergey seemed surprised at that. He had expected Yamamoto to realize what had happened, but then with a serious tone he spoke.

"Then there is only one explanation, right? It was level." Sergey said simply and passed the young man, fishing for his wallet.

"You're impossible!"

"You were the one that wanted to bet. Pay up."

"Yeah yeah, whatever."

Yamamoto noticed movement next to him and only then realized that next to him stood a guy almost 2 meter tall. He looked pale, hand in front of his mouth as if he was about to throw up in horror and disgust, even shaking a tadbit. What was wrong?

"Leo! Let's go buddy. Ya don't have to see that." Sergey said and the tall guy just nodded and turned away from the window, to follow his friend. Yamamoto looked back out the window only for his breath to hitch in his throat.

So that's what Sergey meant when he said "it was level"

Ava had struck the other man completely level to the ground in one clean cut, that it had taken almost a whole minute for the body to fall into two pieces, as did the sword. They had been cleanly cut. Yamamoto swiftly looked away. If he had stared for longer the sight of the spilled organs and the blood- the sight of a corpse would've made him sick.

Yamamoto had known from their one spar that Ava was insanely strong. But this was the first time he had realized something that he prior to that had dismissed, because they were both swordsman and in his eyes sportly rivals.

Ava truly was the sharks brother.

[i-speak-for-the-universe]

(READ TAGSSS… pls) Dropping another chapter bc late night motivation got me in a choke hold last night (Logicality Siren AU fic)

Patton woke up on sun-warmed sand, him flipping onto his stomach to cough up non-existent water, all he could remember before being thrown overboard was the hurtful chant’s overwhelming his ears.

He was still thoroughly confused, dazed by the quickly warming mid-afternoon summer sun into another spell of unconsciousness.

He wasn’t expecting to wake up for the second time, already anticipating himself in some type of afterlife until someone shook him, jolting him into complete consciousness.

He yelped, a name almost coming to his lips before it disappeared on his tongue, leaving him panting in the oddly empty air.

“Oh thank the gods, he’s alive.” A relieved voice spoke, followed by a rougher, more scruffy and teasing one. “Ugh, boo! No fun!”

“Remus!” The first voice scorned, Patton blinking as his eyes adjusted to the wonkily distributed candle and lantern light. “Hello? Are you there?” Patton heard words being spoken to him, a hand waving an inch or so away from his face.

He swallowed, getting his breathing under control before answering. “Y-yeah. Where… Where am I?” He asked shakily, giving himself a shake before rubbing his nose bridge, realizing his glasses weren’t there and quickly checking for his conch shell, which was luckily still secure around his neck.

One of the voices snorted, the one Patton assumed was Remus. “Somewhere safer than out their baking on the beach like a human gingersnap.” Patton turned to look at Remus as he spoke.

Remus was tall, his head covered in a mass of long and thick dark brown curls. He had emerald green eyes and a scraggly (yet it was obviously styled to look that way) dark brown mustache. He was wearing black leather pants, boots, and fingerless gloves, covering his chest with a black-dyed deer hide tunic.

“Yes, my brother is at least somewhat right.” So the two were brothers. “This is our humble abode, and we have brought you her in the hope that you are not dead.” The other voice explained, Patton turning to look at that brother.

“And, my apologies, we have not yet introduced ourselves. I am Roman,” Roman put a hand to his chest respectfully. “And that,” He gestured to Remus. “Is my twin brother, Remus.” Remus mimicked the hand-to-chest gesture his brother did, there seeming to be at least an ounce of respect in the man.

Patton took a second to examine Roman before introducing himself in turn. Roman was an inch or two shorter than Remus, straighter and lighter brown hair cut shorter on his head, eyes a shade of brown that sparked a deep red at some angles.

He was wearing brown leather pants and boots, the boots stained darker than his pants. His shirt was an off-white cotton and he seemed to have a leather quiver strapped to his back.

“Oh, it’s alright, I’m Patton by the way!” Patton finally introduced himself, offering a hand for both of the twins to shake.

“Don’t worry, we’ll show you around our small beachside town after we get you something to eat.” Roman said after shaking his hand, smiling confidently as he spoke. “I’m sure you’ll make friends fast, you seem to be a good fellow.”

Roman helped Patton get off of the small bed he woke up on as Remus scurried off to get Patton a change of clothes. Once changed into simple horse leather pants and an off-white and blue striped shirt (though everything was slightly baggy considering the twins both had slightly larger statures than him), he was happy to eat nearly anything set in front of him.

Thankfully, what was set in front of him was a simple spaghetti, though obviously made by Roman due to the twin’s comment on his brother’s inability to not set fire to something when cooking over the three’s meal. The two feuded for the rest of the meal even after they both finished.

Eventually, the argument defused, leading Remus to comment on what to do. “Oo! Ro-bro, we should show Patton around the city!”

While Roman agreed and the twins started deciding where to take Patton, he was internally struggling. He literally just washed up to this town no more than a day ago and now they want to show him the town already?

He was on the fence but it was clear they weren’t going today, so the twins set Patton up with a cot and other sleeping materials before explaining where they would be going tomorrow.

The twins went upstairs to bed, leaving Patton downstairs with just a little lantern and a teddy he was given to snuggle for the night to keep him company.

Something just felt… wrong. The twins were very hospitable, don’t get him wrong, but he just felt like there was an inexplainable gap in his memory that he just couldn’t piece together.

Well, there wasn’t much he could do right now. So, he simply brushed it off the best he could, blowing out the lantern before settling down for bed.

[allycat75]

Ugh, another romantic comedy, Boston Dumb Fuck! Not your strong suit!

Considering your recent dubious track record, your clear emotional impediments and your complete lack of self awareness that you actually "love love", this new movie may be a bigger risk than you think.

And besides, do you think you can handle more than one movie a year? Could we as an audience handle that much BDF in a 365 day period? But I guess you did sell your soul for this deal so may as well reap the rewards while the camera can still capture your image.

I don't need to tell you that you can't afford another failure. We know "Red One" is going to be another huge stain on your professional canvas. The cult movie has potential if you can actually humble yourself enough to listen to the director, as well as trust the voices in your head you have been trying to shush for years (if you haven't already, get going to that therapist, because if done right, this role has the potential to release some unknown darkness you have been shoving deep down. Use it, but be wise- you have seen what damage can be done when you let the personal and professional bleed into an indiscernible blob).

But "Pain Hustlers" had potential too, and you just lazily phoned that one in with your typical-as-of-late "tell, not show" performance style. Tell me, when one of your movies falls in the forest, does it make a sound?

I don't know about this romantic comedy though. There are good people around you, but to paraphrase a line from a great film, you may be a smart man, but you don't know what the fuck love is!

Similar to your tone deaf pursuit of a political life with ASP, it is hard to image a man so bereft the comprehension love, could you ever have the context to portray it in any form of veracity on screen. I believe this goes back to your blockages and that darkness you have suppressed. It all comes out no matter how hard we try, and it has manifested for you in this true-life horror love story of yours. No one who truly loved love would have agreed to any of this, let alone go to the depths of deception and despair your warped fairy tale has taken. You have crept into your own brain portal (a la "Being John Malkovich") and have been stuck there so long you don't know what is real and fake anymore. How could you be expected to portray a romantic character of any interest when the one you have become in real life is simply sad and grotesque?

If you don't want this to be another embarrassing failure added to the heap, make this a priority of knots you need to untie with that therapist you should be seeing. Otherwise, it's yet another selfish act that will waste the time of everyone around you, for an opportunity that could have gone to someone who was truly hungry for the chance to try.

And here is an article for you- just some food for thought since you seem to have your head up your ass and may need some context regarding what an audience may be thinking regarding romantic comedies these days:

Look, I obviously don't know you and you could be great in this part. However, I suspect you know it is hollow and undeserved, so at least try to make it and yourself better.

[epithet-beloved]

scuttles in here with mr. krabs noises. could you possibly do some romantic stuff with dan gansley? i love my unlucky boy very much but there’s literally nothing for him and seeing him in the master list got me so excited.

DAN GANSLEY DATING HEADCANONS

synopsis… headcanons about dating dan gansley!

ft. dan gansley, mera salamin (mentioned), indus tarbella (mentioned)

tags… epithet erased spoilers, relationship study

word count… 822

a/n… seeing this ask in the morning genuinely woke me up grinning and delighted like THIS is the reason we made this blog!! i humbly offer you food – do enjoy!! (i think my excitement is obvious…) ✧ 🦝

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 You are God’s strongest soldier.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 Dan is a good guy, honestly, but he’s also consistently dangerous to be around for a variety of reasons. (Mostly the horrific luck.  The crime too.)

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 I can just imagine him trying to rizz you up and then when he goes to lean on the wall he falls over, and then falls down the stairs that are conveniently there as you watch, dumbfounded.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 He fancies himself a smooth-talker, but he is sweating BULLETS anytime he’s confronted with having to have a conversation with you he’s a WRECCKKKKK.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 I imagine he’ll fall for you because you almost seem to cancel out his bad luck.  You remember his keys, help him out when he’s using his abilities, and you wait for him, never straying too far ahead.

You watch as Dan pats his pockets, brow furrowing and moustache moving as he scrunches his face in realisation.  As he’s about to lament loudly for everyone to hear about how he lost his keys, you swoop in like an angel and take his hand, leaving the item in his palm.  He stares at them as you simply walk away, then he looks up at you.  For once, Dan Gansley is shocked into silence.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 You’re kind of his blessing in disguise, and everyone can kind of tell his soft spot for you.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 Despite this… when he’s actually in the process of falling in love, he’s a bit stuck by a river in Egypt for a hot second.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 It probably takes someone like Mera or Indus to mention how obvious the crushing is, or already congratulating him on a relationship that doesn’t exist yet.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 Being the easily flustered guy he is, he’d sputter and insist that they’re dead wrong, but the deadpan or blank look he gets in response makes him realise he probably has to think deeper about what you two are.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 UGH, can you imagine his confession??  He probably tries to create this grand gesture of affection for you and it’s all on fire (literally) by the end of it.  He’s convinced he’s ruined it.  And yet you just take his hand???  And return his feelings??????  Dan Gansley could die right now and he’d die the happiest man on the planet.

It’s over.  Well and truly over.  Dan stares on in horror at the display he had prepared for you in flames.  It had been going so well, too well, and it just had to go wrong while you’re standing in front of him. “Ah– d-don’t look!  Listen, I have another thing to show you; something, uh, better!”  He insists, the wild magic already manifesting in his hands.  “I’ll do something, prove I’m worthy of your…” He trails off when your hand takes his, and the magic vanishes into the air as you meet.  Dan glances up at you questioningly before noticing the amusement shining in your eyes and the gentle smile you give him. He understands, and he returns with a lopsided grin of his own.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 That post like “if i had a lame ass boyfriend i would hype him so much”???  Yeah that’s the dynamic.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 Omgggg you’re like those parents who are so affectionate with one another it makes the children (Mera) groan loudly and crave death.

“Mera, if you do not take care of the paperwork, Dan Gansley over here, ah, is gonna hit on his beautiful partner in front of you for all to see—” ”OH GOD NO FINE I'M DOING IT I’M DOING IT.”

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 (Credit to 🦇 for that one.)

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 You are the richest person in the world, if you count your Gansley bucks.  (However, this dumbass does expect payment with them for kisses.)

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 Talks big and hits on you, but shoot right back with flirtation of your own and he’s down for the count god rest his soul.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 You’re introduced with your surname being Gansley at least once.  At LEAST.  He can be so confident at the most inconsistent moments.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 When people ask about your relationship he likes to weave tales about how he’s your daring hero and you depend on him and his power.  Please butt in with the truth and you’ll bear witness to this man beet red in the face.

“Ahhh, you should’ve been there!”  Dan laughs, as if remembering a fond memory.  “There was a pit, right in the middle of the railroad, and though I was at my wit’s end, I saved my dearest with a—” “Hold on.  Weren’t you half-covered in gold for that entire chase?”  You, passing by, interrupt.  Dan pauses, and drops his head down as the other begins to laugh while you tell the real story.

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 He’s slightly afraid of endangering your life, what with his bad luck.  He’d hate to lose you.  Where would he be without his angel?!  (Which, actually, became his favourite nickname for you.)

𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪 Ugh I wrote so much for this i love him too much.  Live laugh love Dander Fun Gansley. 

[valeriele3]

Hihi!

Greetings ~ I'm here to humble ask for a weird request connected to the ask I send earlier. Ehehe.

"what if you Isekai to either CHAU / MDD AU for whole day what will you do?"

Note:

MC could be made as another person / or alternative you

Sorry for the weird request. Hope it's not much too ask. I wanna see what other takes in the AUS. Eheh.

I hope you have a nice day and rng!

Ehehheheeh I wholeheartedly thank you for giving me this chance

Anddd since you put MDD/CH au ofc I picked..Both

Note: Hello this is Val from like idk the future?? (Technically it’ll be past when I post this) I’m so so sorry this took months..! I was very hyped when I got the request but when I actually tried to write everything went ✈️↘️💥

Oh and yeahhh nothing makes sense. I just put whatever stupid thought came to mind and slapped it on there

Warnings: Swearing/Cursing, bad grammar (I literally talk nonstop without breaks in my sentences irl sooo yes. It’s like that whenever I write too) and me being an absolute simp for Ritsu

MDD AU

“Ah..Ahahah..AHAHAHAHHAH! YESSS!”

‘I JUST GOT ISEKAI’D TO ONE OF MY FAVORITE SERIES AHAHAH!’

“Mama who’s that weirdo?”

“No one. Don’t look at her”

“Make sure to pick someone sane in the future okay?”

“Yes mama!”

‘Why do I feel like someone’s talking shit about me..’

“Ritsu~!”

“Ma’am you can’t go inside!”

“Ritsu where are you~?”

“I repeat you cannot go inside ma’am! If you do not listen we will have no choice but to resort to force!”

“Shut up. I’ll kill you”

“That’s it. I apologize in advance ma’am”

“NUH UH HAVE A TASTE OF MY FIST INSTEAD SIR!”

“AHAHAHAHAH NO ONE CAN STOP MEEEE I AM UNBEATABLE BECAUSE I SAID SO!”

“AND BECAUSE I’M LITERALLY THE ONE WRITING EVERYTHING OUT”

“..Su..”

“..tsu..”

“Ugh..Go away..Let me sleep..”

“Hello? Rei? Yeah, I’m with Ritsu in room—”

Slam

“Oh! You’re awake!” (๑･̑◡･̑๑)

“Who’re you?”

“Oh my..Please don’t glare at me like that..It hurts my poor heart” ♪(´ε｀ )

“My name is..Valerie Lee”

“Huh? Did you get a makeover?”

“No..You’re not the Valerie of this world, are you?”

“Ding Ding Ding! Correct! Somebody give this man a prize!”

“Stop playing around. Why’re you here”

“Oh, the answer to that is simple”

“I’m here for you”

“Yeah, I can see that. I’m not dumb” (¬_¬)

“Seriously, what do you want from me?”

“Hmmmm..”

“Spit it out already. Stop wasting my time”

“Ouch. Fine, I want..”

“Your time”

“My time..?” (・・?)

“Mhm!”

“That’s it?”

“Yup!”

“Seriously?” ಠ_ಠ

“Seriously!”

“…”

“..YOU WOKE ME UP JUST FOR THAT?!!?” (•ૅㅁ•)

“Look it’s not just a simple thing okay!?”

“I may look all calm and happy go lucky right now but I’m nervous as heck and my anxiety is not so slowly growing!”

“You do not understand the amount of self restraint I have right now sir!!”

“Because if I didn’t have any self restraint I’d probably be choking and squeezing the life out of you!!”

…

“Okayyyy..I’m calm now!”

“So..Want to hang out for the day? It’ll be my treat” (๑･̑◡･̑๑)

“Sigh..Fine”

“Yay!”

“BUT! Promise you’ll leave me alone after” (¬_¬)

“Aye aye captain! I promise!” ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ

“You’re weird”

“I know. I always get called crazy by my own family” _:(´ཀ`」 ∠):

“By the way..You said it’ll be your treat but, do you even have the currency of this world?”

“You confirmed earlier that you aren’t from here”

“…”

“Oh..”

“You’re right..” (OvO)

“In fact, I don’t even have yen..Because I don’t even live in Japan..Ahahah..” (´⊙ω⊙`)

Σ(-᷅_-᷄๑)

“But no worries! I can just create some out of thin air! Becauseeee I’m ✨magical✨”

“How the heck did you manage to say the sparkle emoji in real life” (・・?)

“I told you, I’m ✨magical✨ so obviously it’s ✨magic✨”

“Now that we solved our money problem..Where do you want to go?”

“Mm..Somewhere to sleep peacefully and comfortably”

“Ehh..C’mon, I only have today to enjoy my time with you!”

“Why’d it even have to be today? Couldn’t you pick a different day or just come again?”

“Uhm duh no. This isn’t even my world to begin with y’know”

“I don’t “own” this world”

“Huh”

“But this world literally centers around you. Or well this world centers around the Valerie of this world. The MC”

“The multiple universes. Almost all of those worlds are centered around or on you in some way or another”

“Isn’t that mirror like place owned by you too?” (・・?)

“Hell no. The worlds may be centered on “MC” but that doesn’t mean I own this world or the others.”

“What I mean is, “Valerie Lee” doesn’t own any of them. “Valerie Lee” is simply a spectator, a reader.” A reader that deeply enjoys all the sad and complicated stuff happening bc I like seeing my favs in pain or whatever

“That’s all I am Ritsu. Sooo..Since the author has given me this chance I don’t want to waste it”

“NOW ENOUGH SAD COMPLICATED SOUNDING STUFF! LETS ENJOY LIFE TO THE FULLEST AHAHAHHAHAHA!!”

Pick your ending:

Ending 1: Enjoy a wonderful day with Ritsu

Ending 2: Spend the day accidentally talking about useless stuff and not actually getting to hang out for the day. A.k.a wasted opportunity

CHAU

Note: It’s been so long and I can barely remember anythinggggg hsisnajaka please expect this one to be totally off..My mind can only recall the Kkomas and a bit of Madness mansion but no CHAU .°(ಗдಗ。)°.

“…”

“Who’re you? You’re not my Omae”

“Ahahahah..Uhm..”

“Where’s my Omae?” (๑•ૅㅁ•๑)

“I can explain but only if you let go of your weapon” ( ◠‿◠ )

Σ(-᷅_-᷄๑)

“Well?”

“..Fine..”

“Now explain or I’ll kill you”

“Sigh..Why are my favorites like this? What’d I do for you guys to glare at me like that when I haven’t even explained the situation” (￣▽￣;)

“Just talk already!”

“Fine fine!”

“Basically, your Omae is somewhere else right now and I’m taking MC’s place for the day. Once the day is over I’ll go back to my world and continue observing from the sidelines”

“Tsk..And?”

“And what?” (・・?)

“Sigh..Why’re you taking Omae’s place for the day? And what do you mean by somewhere? Where exactly?”

“You’re sighing a lot today. You should stop before your luck runs out y’know?”

“Butttt to answer your question or rather, questions..One, the author sent in a request to what I would do if I was in CHAU or MDD au. Two, I don’t know”

“What do you mean you don’t know” (๑•ૅㅁ•๑)

“I said I don’t know. I don’t know what I don’t know. Plus the whole MC is in another place was just created by me for my own convenience. An excuse or explanation I guess”

“You’re really getting on my nerves lady..”

“Fine, let’s say that Omae is in another place right now. How are you so sure my Omae will be back when the day ends?”

“Duh the request said what would I do if I was isekaid into MDD or CHAU for a whole day. That means that I’ll be back to my original world once the day ends”

“…”

“Hey lady..YOU SAID IT’LL ONLY TAKE A DAY! ITS BEEN A FEW MONTHS OF US JUST STARING AT EACH OTHER”

“WHA— DON’T BREAK THE FORTH WALL! PLUS SHE SAID I COULD TAKE MY TIME ON THIS”

“Look..Let’s just pretend that the day hasn’t even started ok?”

“We’ll finish this request and then we’ll go on our separate ways”

“N—”

“AND you can’t say no because I’m the one controlling this whole thing. Like it or not you’ll have to do this”

“Oh Valerie I love love you!!” (๑˃̵ᴗ˂̵)

“Aww I love you too aha ahaha haha” (^з^)-☆

“The end!”

“That was absolutely disgusting. I #${€_¥ hate you”

“Ey, that’s a no no word. No cussing”

“Also, sorry man but that wasn’t the end”

“#%*$!”

“You want money?”

“You #$%*€”

“Ouch..My heart” (´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀)

“We’re getting sidetracked again. Let’s just focus on the ‘story building' nothing more ok?”

“You literally said you control everything so it’s your fault we’re getting sidetracked”

“That’s..True..Oops”

ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʕ•̫͡•ʔ•̫͡•ʔ

Psstttt! Hey! It’s me, hi I’m th—

It’s been a few months since I received this request and I’ve finally decided to 'finish' it today while in class

Technically it isn’t truly finished since the main part of the CHAU hasn’t even started but my phone’s lagging from all this text sooo yeah, that’s it

I’m so so sorry it took me this long to make. I’ve had like zero motivation whatsoever for quite a few months now so this fic is full of nonsense

The content is literally divided by months. One part was made during this time and the next was made a few months after

I might remake this into something better if I get the time and motivation

[yallemagne]

For the ask game: "save a horse", "ohnho," "My Dear Jack," and "i."

the ask game

hooooo, save a horse. ride a cowboy. This is a Jonathan/Quincey, post-canon, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies fanfic that I have been sitting on for so damn long, and by gosh by golly I have rewritten that fucker like five times. It switches POVs in the middle.

relevant tags: internalized homophobia, smut, pwp, shameless romanticization of Southern US citizens

A giddy nervousness bubbles in my chest when I invite Mr. Morris in. Confessedly, I am relieved to have spoken with Mina prior, to have all my worries about this potential unfaithfulness be defused.  Nervousness still lingers in my mind, but I find it isn’t guilt. It is more the fear that I may do or say something with too much familiarity and come across as brash or presuming. Such worries are unfounded, but I can’t help myself. Even after a few years of knowing the man, I feel inclined to call him Mr. Morris or something similarly detached, only to be corrected. “Call me Quincey,” he insists. “Or Morris, at least. Mr. Morris is what stuffy oil barons like to call me.” That comment prompted me to ask him how often he spoke with oil barons. Of course, he has a story to tell.  When I fumble while pouring him a glass of wine, Morris chuckles, and it is such a pleasant noise. It would be reminiscent of less than pleasant memories had Morris been anyone other than his delightful self. His laugh is warm and rich, not sharp or mocking. Instead of dread or embarrassment flooding my head, my cheeks tint a dusty rose. 

--

ohnho is... very inspired by my own experience. It is post-canon, but this time, ugh, people have died. It was born from my headcanon that Jonathan's relationship with the surviving Suitors post-canon is complicated at best... I am willing to admit that a great part of the reason I don't see him bonding well with them is a projection of my own issues with socializing. Godalming invites Jonathan on one of the Classic Suitor Camping Trips (nix Quincey), and everything goes wrong.

relevant tags: boys night!!! camping with the boys!!! trauma, dubcon, survivor's guilt

Godalming had suggested it: a camping trip. Or perhaps it was less that he suggested it and more that he merely sent the invitation in the mail. In that invitation, he laid out all the details: location, duration, suggestions of what to pack… And he illustrated just how happy he was that I would be joining him and Seward.  Reading that, I couldn’t help but wonder when exactly I agreed to such a thing. But Mina was thrilled. One might have thought she was going on the trip with how excited she was while packing, but she wasn’t invited: just her husband was.  This was a man’s trip. 

--

My dear Jack,-- yeah how I named this was clicking on the title and letting it autofill in the first line. Remember An Odd Doctor? This is more of that AU. Though Mrs. Westenra has already hired someone to treat her daughter, Lucy's deteriorating health and grievances with the doctor cause Arthur to request that Jack check-in and possibly intervene.

relevant tags: fraud???, medical malpractice, threats of violence (this makes it sound like Arthur threatens Jack, I swear he doesn't)

My dear Jack,  I worry severely for Lucy’s sake. I know you are far from this issue, but I must humbly make a request: I need you to check on her.  A while back, she was sick, and I was going to call on you to examine her illness, but before I could, her mother seemed to become newly aware of the issue and hired a doctor herself. Since then, even when my father was better, I was not allowed to visit. But one day, while Mrs. Westenra was out, I came and Lucy looked worse than ever. Her tired agony seemed only a tiny bit lightened by my appearance. When I asked her what in the world was happening, she broke down into sobs. I fear her doctor is an awful tyrant to her. 

--

iojegrjpie I saw your reply on the post and I was like "oh yeah blue? my titles are inspired? what does "i" invoke???" and now I have to answer that question. Funny that it's "i" but it's not even in 1st person.

This takes place post-Orice and deals with Jonathan's continuing struggle with his sexual trauma. I don't know about it... it may be too self-flagellating in tone?

relevant tags: past rape/noncon, hurt/comfort, self-hatred

The words have been stuck in your throat since you first told her what happened. When you were away, too far away for her to save… You have struggled through every overdue confession, digging everything up and bringing it to the surface, dragging the dirt into your shared bed, and she held you all the while, never condemning you for not fighting back or for saying nothing when you were hurting— she always pauses before she can tell you that she wouldn’t know how to speak either. It’s because she knows how much the thought tortures you, and you can’t help but hate yourself whenever you see her bite her tongue. You’re being selfish, not letting her voice her empathy.