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stardustincarnate · 4 years ago

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TOGETHER FOREVER // Asra x Reader

ASRA + A NON-BINARY MC

WORD COUNT: 2541

GENRE: Fluff

Water.

Flowing water, molded into ballerinas, swaying to the slow, dreamy rhythm of a harp, by a skilled magician, surrounded me as I stood in the middle of a vast, colorful oasis. It took me a while before I realized that I was in Asra's gate. How did I end up being there?

The plants sprung to life, engulfing me, filling my vision with a dancing of warm colors that reminded me of him as I closed my eyes. I could feel the phantom of warmth embrace me, and when I opened my eyes, I was greeted with those deep and sincere purple eyes of his.

The world seemed to have slowed down, every action taking some time as if it was to savor the moment. I found myself loosely wrapping my arms around his neck as he caressed my other cheek, and I leaned to the feeling.

I could see Asra's magnificent aura combining with mine, making a beacon of blinding light that went up to the sky.

His tender touch never fails to send me flying over to the moon, both our magic combined as if speaking to one another, my heart reacting to his own.

He pressed his forehead against mine, a blush creeping up his face.

"I love you."

With that, I had unfortunately awoken. I yawned, rubbing the sleep from my eyes, soon realizing that Asra was not beside me anymore. The smell of my favorite soup wafted out from the kitchen to the bedroom, causing me to blearily walk towards it. The sleepiness soon ebbed my system once the smell got stronger. Asra wasn't aware that I already woke up, so I sneakily went on to hug him from behind, earning an adorable gasp from him and making me chuckle.

"[MC]? You're awake. Did you have a good sleep?"

I nuzzled his fluffy hair. "Mhm I suppose. I had a really good dream."

"Oh? Why don't you tell me about it."

"We were in your gate. But it didn't look like before.. it was more magical that time. Well, just us doing some romantic things.. Involving magic too!"

Asra let out a chuckle, "Why don't we make it real then?" He turned around, giving me that playful look of his. I grinned. "Ooh, I love the sound of that."

Soon, I found myself being fed by him as we ate our breakfast. Faust kept on squeezing us alternatively. She seemed excited about something.

"[MC], what do you say we go out for a trip today?" Asra asked, wiping off some remaining soup droplets on my chin which I hadn't noticed.

"Where will we go?"

"I thought about bringing you to the magical realms, but then I thought of something better." He casted a wistful look on me. "Let's forget about the realms for the mean time. Let's just explore the city. What do you think?"

"You know I'm up for it! But you'll have to let me take a bath first!" I chuckled.

"Take your time. I won't mind." He playfully winked at me as I headed towards the bathroom.

Some time later, we arrived at the city market. Vesuvians were partially rowdy and quiet. Though some even came stumbling near the two of us, but it was alright. Asra held my hand tightly as I saw him grinning at something— or someone. The market seemed a bit more playful today. Maybe that's why he decided to take me here? The fun in the atmosphere was tangible, especially when I heard the strumming of guitars— and the next moment, all I knew was that Asra and I were dancing in the middle of the street, accompanied by some other couples until the beat had stopped.

It was fun while it lasted. It's as if my body had a mind of its own when I let myself dance to the rhythm. I didn't care about anything else other than the joyous music. I knew what felt right, and it felt right to let myself sway to the rhythm with Asra. Abstract magic bubbled around the two of us. How I love feeling that way.

However, right after the dancing session, the world suddenly dissipated into nothingmess. I was left all alone in a dark, fathomless land where no one seemed to hear me. No Asra... no Faust. I tried to connect to them using my magic, but something was intercepting it. No no, I didn't feel something ominous despite the situation. So what, exactly, was stopping me? I called out to my magic once more, and there I felt a recognizable aura somewhere. Asra's. He was nearby, I could tell, but it's as if he was hiding behind a veil which I didn't know where to find. I was in distress, but then something dawned me.

Asra must've been playing tricks with me. I should've known from the beginning. Ugh, I am so going to get that rascal! I let my magic surround me, and then I was back at the market— but I was alone. If he was pulling a prank on me, I'd give him credits for the effort of making the crowd disappear too. I clicked my tongue but later on grinned. What kind of prank was it? I got a little excited to know what to see at the end of the tunnel.

"Asraaaaaa!"

I called out for the nth time. I was aimlessly walking that I didn't realize I already bumped to a hulking figure. The smell of Myrrh...

"Muriel! Have you seen my sneaky magician?"

He looked away as soon as I met his eyes. He didn't reply. He just walked away. I followed him with my eyes but then he stopped his tracks, reluctantly beckoning me to join him. And I did. And I couldn't believe what my eyes were seeing. Asra really did execute a massive prank for me because the whole Vesuvia seemed empty of people. I was beginning to get confused when I still didn't see anyone, but when we turned to a corner, leading to which I presume is the docks, an enthralling scenery surprised me.

My fellow Vesuvians were scattered on the side. The middle was empty and I supposed I would be walking there, and I was right. I let out a confused noise when they suddenly started singing all together. Their voices were harmonious that it somehow made my heart feel lighter than it already was. I could spot a few familiar faces.

Selasi, our favorite baker, then came up to me, handing me something. I was surprised that it wasn't bread but a bouquet of my favorite flowers. I thanked him, but before I could ask furthermore, he hastily ran back to the crowd.

"Muriel, what's going on?"

What did I expect? He didn't even turn around. I guessed I wouldn't be having any answers until I see the mastermind behind all of this.

I spotted Aisha and Salim in the crowd. They gave me a meaningful smile, a sly look on their faces. I smiled back and proceeded to walk down the center even if I had no idea what was happening. Their attentions were all on me. It made me feel overwhelmed, as if I was the star of Vesuvia. And jeez, was the Countess and all the other courtiers somewhere in the crowd?

Speaking of, I soon found Nadia standing in a corner. Her elegant figure stood out the most. I was taken aback when she walked to me, and I received a bouquet of flowers once again. She gave me a playful look and then weaved herself through the crowd. I soon spotted Portia, and she did the same thing to me, winking afterwards.

And by the time I had reached Julian standing in the middle of the docks, my arms were already full of bouquets, but he gave a blind eye to that and proceeded to put another bouquet on top of the rest that I could barely see what's in front of me. And as I expected, the strain in my arms made the bouquets fall to the ground. I regretfully looked at them. But just as I was about to pick them up, Julian intercepted, swaying his long, lanky arms that almost hit my face.

"Whoops! No no no no. We can't have our main star doing the work here, can we?"

He flashed a shameless grin and started picking up the bouquets. I didn't argue and instead chuckled. Then as I lifted my gaze, I finally saw Asra, standing at the edge and giving me a look as if to tell "I'm expecting you."

He smiled at me as I ran into him, completely forgetting the fact that he's at the edge. One slight move and he would fall into the water. But something unusual happened. 'Asra' bursted into fizzy bubbles and tiny butterflies that soon engulfed me, making me giggle. And once they gave way, I was greeted by a bunch of tiny ballerinas which emerged from the water. They were careful not to get too close and drench my clothes. My smile grew even wider as I recalled my dream. There were also dancing ballerinas surrounding me, but bigger. Asra must had taken note of that to pull the trick off.

I pivoted, seeing 'Asra' give me another bouquet of flowers. But they were much larger than the ones my friends had given to me. The other half was drenched though since it was given to me by the water in which Asra shaped himself to.

"[MC]." I heard a boisterous call, making me turn around for the nth time, and that time I finally saw the real Asra. Solid and radiating an immense aura of magic. Joyous but somehow perplexed. I threw myself at him, and we bursted into giggles.

"My, my.. You really know how to pull a trick off your sleeves. Is this really the real you, or are you just another one of his illusions?"

"I'm the real one you know," His airy voice tickled my ears. There was a playful tone in his voice. "Want me to prove it?"

"N-Not in front of everyone!" I flushed but eventually cleared my throat. "Uhm, mind explaining yourself? Please tell me what's gotten into your mind to do this."

He only gave me a smug look, but later on evaded my gaze as a blush crept on his face. The crowd had already stopped singing. They were silent and watching us as if expecting something huge to happen. I looked at my friends, who were only giving me playful looks. I frowned, but then it hit me.

Or I might just be assuming things. It was just a massive prank, right? Asra didn't do it because of...

"[MC]."

"Yeees?"

"I.. You know how much I care for you.. Right?"

I heard someone in the crowd squeal.

"Yes. You told me about it when.. when we were at the fountain... during the most recent masquerade." I blushed as I reminisced the scene. It made my heart flutter when he told me that he loves me. It filled me with joy. We've been through a lot...

"We've been through a lot of adventures ever since we defeated the Devil. And I treasure the memories that we keep on making... I find it better to go on adventures with you by my side rather than going alone," He looked at me and smiled. It was my turn to look away due to our faces' proximity. "You showed me a different perspective of the world, [MC], and I can't imagine living a life without you anymore. I feel like as long as we're together, we'll be able to overcome anything."

My heart erratically beated as he said those words. A mixture of Aww's and other complements came from the crowd, but Asra didn't seem to mind. He was staring at me. And only at me.

"I love you, [MC]. And I'll keep on loving you.." He widened the distance between us a little, kneeling down and as if searching for something in his pocket. I didn't know how red my face was at the time. I felt like exploding.

He really was doing it.

He was proposing to me.

Asra stopped his search and shyly looked around, but he was somehow distressed.

"Now where did I put it...." He looked down, facepalming. "Faust, where are you? I told you not to play with it."

At the mention of her name, Faust slithered towards him, something shiny in her mouth. Asra chuckled and scolded her as she took refuge in his sleeve. Then, he averted his gaze back to me, his eyes gleaming with hope and love.

"I want to spend the rest of my life with you, [MC]. And I hope you do too... Will you marry me?"

He showed me the ring that flashed the colors of the rainbow before my very eyes. Milliseconds after he said that the crowd started cheering and squealing, and I didn't even utter my answer yet, and I couldn't due to all the noise. Portia took care of it though.

"HEY! Did we actually hear what [MC] said? QUIET!" And the noise dissipated.

The more I looked at Asra, the more I realized how nervous he actually was. Even with a brave facade, I could still see through him. We were blushing so bad as he waited for my answer. But I felt like I couldn't speak at the time. I was overwhelmed with euphoria that I couldn't bring myself to utter a single word or even move. It took me a few seconds to calm myself, responding to his question with a smile.

"D-Do you even have to ask?"

"Is that a yes?"

"Of course it is! Yes! I'll marry you!"

Asra stood up with a wide, genuine smile as he put the ring on my finger. It was filled with an intricate design, the pattern carved meticulously. I was so amazed at how detailed it was. I looked at it with awe. I couldn't believe what was hapenning. I might've swooned.

"Good. I was beginning to think you wouldn't.."

"Why wouldn't I?"

"I don't know." Asra laughed, pulling me into a kiss. His magic surged into me and when he pulled away, he immediately took me in his embrace. The crowd started cheering once again that I could barely hear myself over it.

"Did you make the ring?"

"Yes. Did you like it?"

"Like it? I love it!" I flushed against his chest.

"The ring only?"

"Psh, of course you too! I love you, Asra!"

He chuckled and intertwined our fingers. I blushed even more. If I could explode, I already would've.

"I love you too. I loved you ever since."

"Asra! Stop making me blush.."

"But I was just stating facts! Right Faust?"

"Right!"

He really couldn't fail to make me blush, to create butterflies and grow flowers inside me, and to make my heart feel light and filled with pure bliss.

We were engaged, and I couldn't wait to see what the future stores for us.

The future that includes him and I, completely contented with each other's presence.

#asra the arcana #the arcana #the arcana game #asra x reader #the arcana x you #asra alnazar #asra the magician #the arcana x reader #asra x mc #fluff all the way #ASRA = BEST BOI #reader insert #character x you #x reader #SPOILERWEGONMARRYOURBOI

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crushoncaleb · 5 years ago

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Vacation time

Pairing: Satan x Reader x Lucifer

Smut

Wordcount: 5.6k I have no self control

Summary: The sun feels nice on your skin but Satan and Lucifer feel nicer.

Sorry for making the reader gender specific, I just have no clue on how to write gender neutral smut so for now, it is what it is. I'd love to write for a male reader or a non binary one but I really don't think I'd be able to write that well yet.

It seems like I imagine Satan to be quite the talker during sex, and I subconciously make Lucifer softer than some of you all might've imagined him XD. I honestly just write what feels right at the moment, I hope you all like it and I hope y'all don't mind that I combined the request. And I'm sorry that I suck at writing poly, I tried lmao.

@scarletbunny I get so nervous tagging people, hope that's the right bunny

"That's why lord Diavolo wants us all to go to the human world for a vacation" as soon as Lucifer finished his explanation, your eyes started shining. It wasn't as if you disliked the devildom but you would be lying if you said you didn't miss the human world.

"Ugh, the human world? Can't I just stay here?" Levi was the first of the brothers to comment but Lucifer quickly shot him down. "You can not, lord Diavolo gave us this specific order and we're going to follow it".

"Not that I don't love following Diavolo's orders blindly, but what about RAD?" Satan didn't sound too enthused to visit the human world either and slowly your hopes began to fade. It'd be fun to see your home again but if they all didn't want to go they'd try spoiling your fun for sure. You had to speak up now to try and salvage this trip.

"Lucifer, could we visit a human beach? I really miss the sun" you requested. All eyes turned to you for a second before they moved back to lucifer for his answer. "Hmm, yes a human beach sounds like a good vacation spot. I'll book us a resort".

"I heard they sell a whole lot of ice cream at human beaches, is that true (y/n)?" Beel asked you, his eyes far off as if he were already fantasizing about said ice cream. He looked so cute you couldn't help but giggle a bit. "Yeah that's true, but they sell a whole lot of other food too. You should be careful not to get any sand on it though."

While Beel nodded his head at your warning, his twin yawned. "I guess a human beach is as good a place to take a nap as anywhere else" you knew Belphegor was just being nice for you and Beel but you let him keep his cool façade. He turned to walk back to his room with a quick "just don't bother me".

A pair of arms slithered around your waist and pulled you back against a slender body. "I for one am most excited to see this cutie in a bathing suit, oh just imagining all that nude skin is getting me hot" Asmo punctuated his sentence by burying his face in your neck. You're not sure whether it's his proximity, his comment or the hot breath he blew onto your neck but suddenly you started feeling slightly hot as well.

"Oi! Get ya hands of her, imagining her skin is fine but don't just go touching it!" Luckily Mammon came to defend you. "Shut up you're the scummiest scumbag here, don't go acting all pure now" Asmo responded as Mammon started pulling him off you.

The two continued fighting for a bit but their bickering faded into the background as you noticed Levi staring at you. You met his eyes and he turned a bright red right away. "Uhm, Y-Yes on second thought if it's the beach we're going to it's fine. Ruri-chan went to a beach once, uhm, BYE" and he was off, always the weird one, huh.

"Hmm, I might have to agree with Levi. I wasn't looking forward to it before but going to the beach with you might not be so bad" Satan directed his words directly to you, it prompted Lucifer to walk up to you. "I think it's time for you to start packing, we leave first thing tomorrow morning" he told you as he subtly put himself between you and Satan.

You didn't quite get why Lucifer sent you to pack early, you didn't own a whole lot of stuff. It dawned on you 10 minutes after closing your suitcase that you didn't even own any swimwear. Maybe Asmo had some you could borrow? Although he was more likely to just make you go skinny dipping. Ah well, you'd deal with this in the morning.

All the demons were gathered in the entry hall, you weren't even late but they sure liked making you feel like you were. "Uhm Lucifer," you started as you approached him "I don't own any bathing suits and I don't even know where to get them here in devildo-" he interrupted you with a low chuckle "Don't worry (y/n), I took care of that".

"Uwah! It's just like the resort in 'Ruri-chan's wet fun adventures'!" You wondered for a second if Levi even realised how bad the name of that game sounded, but it seemed like he didn't even care.

The resort Lucifer had picked was absolutely gorgeous and, despite most of them being reluctant in coming here, you could see most of the brothers were excited to be here. Belphegor, being ever the exception, was leaning on Beel's shoulder, looking like he could fall asleep any second. "Hmm, it's nice and warm here" he spoke softly before snuggling into his brother's shoulder further, seems like even the youngest was enjoying himself.

"Let's head out to the beach right away! I'd love to see as many cute girls as I can during this week," Asmo piped up, his eyes already on a pair of girls standing near the reception "or guys, I'm not picky when it comes to beauties. Oh and that includes you of course (y/n), I can't wait to explore all that new skin you'll be showing".

You weren't even sure how to respond to that but luckily Lucifer spoke up before you could. "Yes, heading out to the beach now might be a good idea, all the information has been sorted so you guys can head to your room and get changed" it was amazing how fast he could get things done, he hadn't been out of your sight for more than 3 minutes but there he was holding the keys to your rooms.

"W-what?" You question no one in particular as you look at the bathing suits Lucifer packed for you, every single one was more daring and sexy than the next. This can't have been right, Lucifer wouldn't have done this, would he?

Well, it seems you didn't really have a choice in bathing suit style so you just went for the most normal looking one, a bikini with a ring connecting the two pieces of fabric, the bottoms were actually kind of cute as they had strings with little frills hanging off the side of your hips, maybe that would distract people away from your cleavage? You could certainly hope.

You put it on rather quickly, excited to get some well deserved vitamine D and raced out the door, almost running straight into Asmodeus who was standing right behind it apparently. "Haha you're so cute when you're excited" he laughed cutely as he wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling you uncomfortably close. He was only wearing swim shorts(?) so you could feel a lot of his skin on yours. "Asmo! Uhm, you're a little close!" You told him off, and thankfully it made him let go of you.

"Aw, that was kind of the point though but this is fine too, now I finally get to see the swimsuit I picked out for you~" his eyes were scanning you up and down, you shifted. "You picked them out? I thought Lucife-" you started questioning but he interrupted you with another laugh. "Haha, oops" he shot you a wink and put his finger in front of his lips "promise not to tell him?". You agreed not to tell on him with a sigh, this was so typical for Asmo you really should have expected it.

"Now, seeing you like this got me all excited too, what do you say we warm up with some fun in your room before heading out to the beach?" Asmo's eyes got half lidded and his hands were on you once again. "I promise I can show you more fun than any beach game you've ever played" he spoke, his voice deep and husky. You were stuttering, you never quite knew how to turn people down, especially if they came on this strong.

"Oh? You're going to show her fun, huh? Asmo, how about you come with me and I'll have some fun with you?" Lucifer's voice sounded deadly and you knew he wasn't talking about the same kind of fun Asmo was. It seemed like Asmo knew it too as tears sprung into his eyes. "No wait, I'll go! I'll leave!" He stayed true to his word as he immediately turned and ran.

Lucifer eyes you quickly before releasing a deep sigh "I'm guessing he's responsible for that too?". You shrugged, not one to come back on your own word and Lucifer just shook his head. "I hope the rest of my brothers won't be such a bother, go have some fun and I'll sort Asmo out before we join you" Lucifer was always the one making plans, luckily for you his plans always seemed like good ones so you did as he said.

You sighed contentedly when your feet touched the warm sand, oh how you'd missed the sun on your skin. You walked around for a while just soaking up the atmosphere before a bright shock of orange catches your eye. You approach Beel and Belphie when you realize they look a bit lost.

"Where y'all headed?" You question when you're within hearing range. The twins turn to you at the same time and the look on their faces is so similar you can barely stop yourself from laughing. "Beel here is looking for food to get, and I'm helping so he'll finally settle down and let me nap on him" Belphegor answers for the both of them and you grin, pointing right behind the two. "Were you looking for something like that?" You say, prompting both of them to turn around and see the food stall you were pointing at.

Beel's eyes get comically huge and he gives you a quick hug before sprinting off. You laugh at how fast he suddenly is and you turn to Belphegor, who is now studying you carefully. "You know, you look kinda soft too" his hands land on your shoulders and start squeezing. "B-Belphie, you can't just-" you start but he shushed you, as he's now squeezing your waist. "Hmm, yeah way softer than Beel," he nods to himself "come nap with me" he demands more than he asks.

You shake your head telling him how you were planning on taking a swim first to tire yourself out and he relents, but he does tell you to come back to him for that nap when you get tired.

You head out into the water and immediately spot Levi and Mammon, they seem to be playing some strangely intense game and the closer you watch, the less you understand of it. When you're finally in range, you shout at them asking to join. They both turn to you but before anyone can say anything else, the ball they were playing with smacks into Levi's face. When it falls back into the water, it reveals Levi's bloody nose.

"Oh no, Levi! Are you alright?" You waddle up to him and gently start touching his nose to see if it's broken, but it only starts bleeding more as his entire face gets red. "It doesn't look broken, but you should be more careful" you pout at him worriedly and his mouth starts moving the same way henry's would. It takes him a little while to actually get a word out and when he does it's a single stutter of "m-moe" followed by him sprinting off, his speed in the water being kind of impressive.

"Hell yeah that means I win" Mammon's voice comes from behind you and you turn to frown at him. You spot the cute little blush forming on his face and you admit to yourself that that boosts your ego a bit. "Ya been walking around like that?!" He shouts more than asks, his tongue pokes out to wet his lips for a quick second before he turns his head away, rubbing his neck as he says "whatever, you don't look ugly in it at least". He tosses you the ball and you start tossing it back and forth.

You play for a while, during this time he invites you along to countless money making schemes, all of which you refuse to be a part of. Until he mentions a pretty shell he found and hid away in his room. "Yeah, it was really somethin' to look at, I'm sure it's worth a lot!" You honestly doubted it but he seemed so excited about it you'd hate to crush his hopes, and so you agreed to go along with him to see it.

Just as the two of you reach the edge of the water, a hand lands on your shoulder. "Hey (y/n), I've been looking for you" Satan said, a sweet smile on his face. "Nuh-uh, go away! She was gonna go with me" Mammon started whining, he already knew Satan was going to one up him and manage to take you away.

"There's this cave with extraordinary crystal stalagmites not too far from here, and it's usually inaccessible this time of year, but I've found a spell that can get us there" his sweet smile got a bit smug, but you found it endearing "I thought we could go see it together". Satan was always inviting you out like this, even in devildom so to have him invite you here, on your own world, felt nice and familiar.

"I would love to, but I already told Mammon I'd go see his shell with him" you explained and you swore you could see a flash of anger in Satan's eyes, but the smile stayed on his face. "The shell will be there tomorrow, right? I'm not sure if the spell would still work tomorrow, these things have special criteria you know?" Satan argued, but you could see his point.

You nodded to yourself before turning to Mammon, who was already frowning at you. "Hmpf, classic human, leaving the great Mammon to make and spend all his money by himself again, are ya?" He spoke before you even could. "Sorry Mammon," you laid a hand on his shoulder and tried to cheer him up "I'll get you ice cream tomorrow for when we see your shell, my treat" it was playing dirty you'd admit, Mammon was always a sucker for free things. "Well then (y/n), in that case I-I might still let you see the shell, but only because I want you to tell me how much you'd pay for it!" He was back to his tsun ways and stormed off before you could say anything else.

"Great! Shall we go then?" Satan offered you his arm and you took it. "Now the spell I'm going to use isn't that complicated but try not to hold your breathe, or you'll get dizzy" he explained and you did exactly as he said. When the two of you finally arrived it was pitch black, no natural light entered the cave. Thankfully, Satan always came prepared and a quick spell later two orbs emitting a brilliant glow filled the cave with light.

"Wow, this is gorgeous" you say, starstruck at the way some of the crystals shine in the light of his spell. "Hmm, yes it is," Satan agrees "but your presence here makes it all the more beautiful". You turn around at his words, flattered, only to find him right behind you. He backs you against the wall of the cave that feels strangely smooth as he runs his hands up your back and down your arms. Your breathing picks up as you look up at him and he pins both of them above your head.

"You know seeing you like this got me plenty riled up already, but seeing you with Levi and Mammon got me really fired up" he spoke, his voice sounding deep as he whispered in your ear. He used his free hand to tease the skin near your hip. "You shouldn't have accepted Mammon's offer (y/n), you're too naïeve" his hand settles on you more firmly and he pushes his hips against yours, grinding against you with his hard on. "You know you belong to me so, you ought to be more careful" he bites down on your neck, and it hurts for a second as he starts sucking on it. "I'll have to show you who you belong to I guess".

His lips are on yours only for a second before he turns you around, your front pushed up against the wall now as you could feel his hard cock on your ass through the flimsy material of your bathing suit. He lets go of your arms but with the way he's holding you, you can't move them much. One of his hands pushes aside the top part of your bathing suit, immediately grabbing hold of the breast that spills out. "You really should know better, I'm not going to be gentle today" he pretty much growls the words out, his fingers start pinching you nipple and you can't suppress the whimper you let out.

Your noises seem to be egging him on as he immediately shoved his free hand down your bottoms. "You can't still be this wet from the water can you? Does getting touched here turn you on this much?" He teases as his fingers lightly graze your clit. A moan leaves you and satans hips gyrate against your ass in response. "Patience babe, I promise you'll feel my cock later" he promises smugly.

His fingers move down from your clit and he immediately pushes two of them inside you. You gasp out his name and he starts kissing and biting at your neck and shoulders "that's right baby, tell me who you belong to". His fingers start moving at a slow pace, his thumb drawing circles on your bundle of nerves and soon you're begging him to move faster.

You're not sure if it's bad luck, or good luck but just as satan pushed in a third finger you hear someone approaching. "I thought we went over this Satan, if we were to share her you can't hide her away from me" it was Lucifer's voice.

"Well keep better watch of her then" Satan spoke without looking back, before sinking his teeth into your shoulder. The way they were talking as if you weren't there didn't quite sit well with you. "I-I'm my own person" you stuttered out needing to take a shaky breath before continuing "don't objectify me" your words didn't sound as convincing as you wanted them to, because you were practically whining at the end.

"Of course you are (y/n)" Lucifer's voice sounded a whole lot closer and before you knew it you were peeled off the wall and pushed against his hot body. "But you must understand, you made a deal with Satan and me, you can't come this close to breaking it without repercussions" you opened your eyes and found yourself face to face with the avatar of pride, an amused look in his face at the no doubt 'deer in headlights' look on yours.

"Now how about you start by counting for us" you weren't sure what Satan meant at first but you got it the second his hand connected to your ass with a harsh slap. "One" you gasped out, you weren't expecting all of this but you'd be lying if you said it didn't turn you on.

Lucifer was next, you almost expected his hand to be covered in his leather glove but you were pleasantly surprised when his hand felt soft as he spanked you. He hadn't slapped as hard as Satan and this soft side of him turned you on even more, you breathed out the count "two".

"Hmm, you're doing well aren't you? Look at that you're dripping, maybe you deserve a reward after this" Satan's hand rubbed your ass gently before he slapped it again. The contrast of it had you holding on to Lucifer tightly, a whimper leaving your mouth. "C'mon now baby, don't forget to use your words" Satan reminded you. You were practically panting, as you managed a shaky "three".

"Seems you're getting one more just to keep it even, don't worry though I will make sure you get that reward" Lucifer's voice was deeper than it normally was, you could feel it rumble in his chest and it almost distracted you from the sharp sting on your ass. "Four!" It came out louder than you intended it, but Satan's fingers had started moving inside you again.

"That's it baby, feel me" Satan whispered in your ear and you clenched your eyes shut again in pleasure. Only this time Lucifer's hand caught your chin, tilting your head and forcing you too look up at him. Eyes heavy with lust before your lips met and your eyes shut again. You moaned against his tongue as it pushed it's way into your mouth. One of his hands wraps itself into your hair, getting a firm yet gentle grip. The other slides down your back slowly and sensually, a shiver travelling along with it, before he lets it rest on your hip.

Satan's fingers pull out of you slowly, and you pull away from lucifer to let out a whine. Satan doesn't let that stop him from spreading his fingers and admiring the shiny substance lacing them. Your back was still pressed up against him so you couldn't see the devilish smirk on his face as he pushed the fingers to your lips. Your mind was so hazy with lust that you opened your mouth without thinking about it, wrapping your tongue around his fingers and tasting yourself on them. Satan let out a groan and rolled his hips against your ass once more.

You felt Lucifer move away from you and you almost chased after his touch, but Satan kept your ass flush against his groin so there wasn't a whole lot of moving around for you. You weren't expecting Lucifer to get on his knees in front of you, but when he nudged you to open your legs further you obeyed. He pulled one of your legs over his shoulder, and used his free hand to move a pair of fingers inside of you. You were panting and moaning in anticipation when he spoke "enjoy your reward".

You threw your head back against Satan's shoulder when Lucifer's tongue rubbed up against your clit. You had always known the man had a lot of talents, but his tongue felt downright magic against you. It felt like no time had passed at all before your high was approaching. Lucifer's fingers picked up the pace and thrusted inside at the same pace that his tongue grew circles on you, Satan was still licking and biting at your neck and it was all become too much for you. Tears formed in your eyes as your moans started getting louder. "R-right there!" Another whimper, followed by a roll of your hips and Lucifer growled against your pussy, the hand on you leg tightening its grip to keep you from moving.

"You're getting close aren't you?" Satan started teasing you again. "Look at how desperate you are, no wonder you need two of the most powerful demons in all of devildom to please you," he started biting at the shell of your ear as he continued "why don't you beg for it, show us how badly you want your reward". You tried to, but with Lucifer's pace and the things Satan's words did to you it felt impossible to form the words.

At your lack of response, apart from high pitched moans and pants, both Lucifer and Satan slowed down with what they were doing. Both of them wanted to hear you beg for your release, and if they wanted it, it would happen. "P-please!" You uttered, trying your hardest not to moan through your own words. Lucifer seemed pleased and picked up the pace again, but Satan wasn't satisfied.

"Try again darling, what exactly are you begging for?" One of his fingers teased your nipple as he slowly grinded up against your ass again. "Please" it sounded more like a whine than actual words but it was the best you could do so you kept going "please make me cum".

"Such a lewd girl, but I think you've truly deserved it now" at his words, Lucifer's pace picked up faster than before and it had you seeing stars. The way his fingers rubbed up against all the right places, and the light swipes of his tongue against your clit were just right, so as Satan bit at your neck once again your back arched against him.

You clenched around Lucifers fingers hard as you came on them, mouth open in a silent scream, only soft whimpers leaving you. Time seemed to slow down and a white haze covered everything as the waves of intense pleasure washed over you. It wasn't until at least a while later that you started coming back down, slowly catching your breath as Lucifer pulled away from you, face shining with your release. "You've made a mess, if this wasn't your reward I would have you clean it yourself" his words sounded stern but you picked up on the softness behind them.

"Baby, did that satisfy you for now?" Satan spoke in your ear once again, as one of his fingers started circling your still-sensitive clit. A gasp left you as your back arched slightly and it prompted a chuckle from him. "Hmm, you're insatiable, makes me wonder if you can last". You don't know when he took off his shorts, but the head of his cock rubbed up against your folds as he whispered the words. His hand wrapped around your neck in a way you had almost grown familiar with, he didn't squeeze, it was merely there to remind you that he could.

A short pause, he hesitated. "I'll take her pussy first" it was a statement but you could hear the question in it, Satan was waiting for Lucifer's agreement and when it came in the form of a nod and a smug face his cock pushed into you. Satan wasn't gentle, it wasn't what you were used to from him either but with how wet and turned on you were, his dick felt great from the start.

"Your pussy feels good (y/n), tell me how you're feeling right now baby" he groaned as he spoke, his hips rolling into you at a slow pace for now. "It's so good, it feels amazing" you said as he pushed against you hips harder, making you meet his deep thrusts. He leaned over you, pushing your top half back into the wall, you missed Lucifer's warmth for a moment but you realized he'd left to clean up his face.

You gasp as Satan's cock hits a sweet spot, his thick length rubbed up against all the right places and you reach out behind you to hold on to him as he speeds up. "You like it like this, huh? You're getting so tight around me" he sounded smug but you could hear the strain in his voice, it seemed like he was getting close. His hips are slamming into you roughly and you can feel his cock twitch against your walls. A long groan leaves Satan before he speaks up again "with the way your pussy is clenching, I'm not going to last long, I want you to cum with me".

The sounds of the two of you fucking got louder and louder as Satan stopped holding back, his every thrust made you moan and your eyes rolled back into your head as his fingers started rubbing fast and harsh circles on your clit. He really did want to get you off fast enough for the two of you to cum together, and it was working. "I'm going to cum inside you (y/n), you're going to take all of it, yeah? You'll be a good girl, right?" He sounded almost desperate as he panted out the words, his cock was twitching almost uncontrollably now. Then, the heat of his cum filled you. It felt so hot and it hit you so deep that it brought you over your edge as well. Satan continued to fuck his seed deeper into you for a little while until both of you had ridden out your orgasms.

When he slowly pulled out he whispered "I don't know what sight I like more, my cum flowing out of your pussy and down your thighs like this, or it getting pushed in deeper by my own cock" he brought his hand up to your lower abdomen and gently rubbed it, "did I get you all filled up?". All you managed was another whine before you were pulled out of his arms.

"I allowed you to go first, and I've allowed (y/n) a moment of rest," Lucifer told Satan before focussing his attention to you "but I do believe it's time to show you why you behave for us".

He hoisted you up without any trouble, his the head of his cock at your entrance as he pushed you back against the wall. Your arms wrapped around his broad shoulders as a reflex and the skin contact almost made you shiver. Lucifer spent so much time acting cold and his body was always covered up so you almost forgot how hot his skin felt against yours.

His cock buried itself into you and your back arched into him, his dick was longer than Satan's so he reached deeper. Your breast rubbed up against his chest and you felt his chest rumble before he spoke "you're so soft" he buried his face into your neck, nipping and sucking gently only hard enough to leave vague marks unlike Satan's bright red and purple marks.

Lucifer's pace was slow, but oh so sensual, he reached so deep inside you that every thrust made you want to throw your head back. You were surprised at how fast your body was ready to cum again, especially since he wasn't going fast, he wasn't even touching your clit and yet with every deep stroke of his cock you felt yourself get closer.

Your legs tightened around his waist, pulling him even closer as your nails raked down his back. This seemed to awaken something inside him as his hips started rolling into you faster and faster. You almost couldn't keep up and your hands dropped down to his ass, trying to pull him in even closer, even deeper.

The chuckle he lets out was so deep and breathy, it almost got you to cum right then and there, but you just whined impatiently instead. "Lucifer! Don't stop," you had to pause for a breath because his pace had gotten you panting once again "please!".

One of his hands moved down in between you and focused its attention on your bundle of nerves once again, it was so sensitive at this point that you were seeing spots of white from the slightest of touches. So when Lucifer started quickly drawing figure eights on it, you lost your mind. You weren't sure if you were screaming, or being absolutely quiet, but you didn't care. It felt like heaven and you were gripping him so tightly, if he was a human it might've hurt.

When you came back down you were almost sad that you missed the feeling of him squirting his hot cum inside of you, but the way he was lazily fucking it back into you was great too. Lucifer pressed a kiss below your ear "I almost thought you passed out there, is my dick too much for you?".

The only answer coming to mind was shaking your head at him. Fatigue was starting to get to you and Lucifer's shoulder suddenly felt softer and more comfortable than it ever had before. Your cheek rested on it and before you even knew it your eyes were slipping shut.

When you came to you were back at the resort, neither Satan nor Lucifer were near you and you wondered whether it was to avoid suspicion from the rest of the brothers.

The second you got on your feet you realized how sore you were but it had definitely been worth it. A series of quick knocks on your door shook you out of your thoughts "human! Open up already! Levi and I heard about this new game we want to play and you gotta play it with us!" You could hear the impatience in Mammon's voice so you headed right out to play with them.

The rest of the vacation was spent spending a lot of time with each of the brothers on the beach, however if you spent too long with one of them, a certain demon would take you back to the cave and let's just say you had a very busy week.

When you were all on your way back to the devildom, Satan spoke up. "I think Diavolo's plan worked out for once," he said, folding his hands behind his head before his eyes landed on you "I'm definitely more enthusiastic about human beaches now".

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randomfandomimagine · 5 years ago

Text

Contest entry :)

Thanks to @welcome-here-in-my-world for submitting something for the contest! It’s amazing that you took the time to write this! I’m not the biggest fan of Keith, but this is well written and I love the fact that the character is non-binary. Also that you got other characters involved and how the story progresses :)

Title: Pretty Enough

Fandom: Stranger Things

Time of events: 29th-31st of October 1984/first two episodes of season 2

Romantic ship: Keith the Arcade Guy x Alex Henderson (OC)

Categories: Henderson!sibling, non-binary!character, friends to lovers, strangers to friends

Word count: 5400

A/N: I genuinely wanted to make this fanfiction shorter, but the idea for it was growing in me for quite some time before with more and more tropes adding and I just couldn’t stop! There are some themes I technically could just omit, but they helped me get to the main point of the story and I feel it would a bit incomplete without them. I’m also still afraid that I got something wrong by alluding only to the fandom, not any fanfiction of yours. At first I meant to use your OC, Allison Henderson, since we’re both playing with the idea of Dustin having an older sister, but I feel like – aside from ships being different for our OCs – my idea for Alex is still quite different from yours for Allison and it was easier to fit her into my story. Trying to put someone’s ideas into the frame of my plans could be done, but also it would probably make my writing less enjoyable for me, and at some point this enjoyment became what I decided to seek primarily. In the end I didn’t fail to have fun while writing this and I hope that it won’t be too bad to read this as well. :)

People say that home is where your loved ones are, but Hawkins never really felt like home to me. I love my family and I could do anything for my mother and brother. I bonded with them even more after Mr. Henderson left us – I am only four years older, but I always felt responsible for little Dustin, trying to take over our father’s place, with a lot of help from our loving mother. Despite that, I didn’t grow roots in our house and I really wouldn’t mind if we lived anywhere else. The fact that I don’t have too many special people besides family doesn’t help. Dustin managed to find a group of good friends and I used to think I could do the same – well, I used to be wrong. I had a few attempts, but I never made any friends at school. I failed even at befriending Nancy Wheeler, my classmate and sister of my brother’s friend Mike. All the connections we have didn’t make her willing to hang out with me.

After Will Byers, Dustin’s friend, and then Barbara Holland, a friend of Nancy, disappeared last year, things changed for even worse. I didn’t take part in the events, but thanks to Dustin’s stories he once shared with me (involving creatures from another dimension and a girl named after a number – strange as it all seemed, I had no reason not to believe him) I have an idea about what happened at that time and I see its obvious effect on his group and on the entire town. Will’s revival and no return of Barb made people afraid and suspicious, relationships – tense. I was never comfortable with walking the streets of Hawkins, but the fall of 1983 made them even more unfriendly.

My only friendly, safe place is the arcade, where I’ve been working since I turned 15 two years ago. For a few previous years I’d been spending most of my afternoons there, and I took the chance to make a little money from something I would be doing anyway. Apart from being a place to escape, working at the arcade provided me with one more thing – having that one person by my side who’s not family but seems to get me and makes me feel okay. It’s my co-worker, Keith.

I see how for him it tends to be hard to get into relationships with people for him. He’s whole two years older than me and sometimes it can already be a huge obstacle, maybe it should be for people like us. But when we are together, it’s actually different. It might be our work that brought us together, but it was only a catalyst for something I like to call a friendship – or is it a good start for more? We talk and laugh a lot, and I feel that with me he’s not as arrogant as he can be with others, he rarely teases me about things. He’s just… normal, which makes me feel like I’m normal as well.

Two days before Halloween of 1984 we both work an afternoon shift. We are at the counter, leaning towards it, sharing a bag of Cheetos. We’ve spend half an hour watching a girl playing Dig Dug – neither of us likes the game, but it’s weirdly pleasing to watch others play.

“Do you know her?” Keith finally asks.

“Nope,” I answer. “You?”

“Me neither. But she seems around your brother’s age, they could go to school together. You might’ve heard about her from him.”

“Bold of you to assume I know about all of my brother’s schoolmates,” I respond mockingly. “We talk about it sometimes, but I don’t think he’s ever mentioned her. She may be new to town.”

“Who on Earth would pick Hawkins to be their new place?”

“Freaks, I guess. The area’s full of ‘em.”

“True… Maybe you could ask Dustin anyway? He still might know something.”

“He’s gonna be here today, you can ask him yourself if you really want. I don’t care that much.”

We watch the girl as she finishes playing and leaves. Out of curiosity, I go to the Dig Dug station and check the results board.

“Holy shit! She’s good!” I exclaim as I go back to the counter. “She’s beaten my brother’s score!”

“Wow,” Keith comments shortly. “Wanna take a chance to torment him? Honestly, I wouldn’t mind having to mention he’s not the best anymore.”

“I’ll pass this time. The floor is yours,” I say when we see Dustin with his party enter the arcade.

I don’t really care about my relationships with Dustin’s friends, but it flatters me that I earned a little of their respect by working at the arcade. All four of them nod their heads and smile when they see me. Keith and I allow them to go and play; we wait with approaching until they lose the game. We stand beside them soon enough to hear my brother say:

“Well, there are still other games I’m top at, like Dig Dug.”

“Are you sure about that?” says Keith, startling them.

“Sure about… what?”

They run towards other stations and, a little panicked, comment upon Dustin’s defeat.

“Who’s MadMax?” Dustin asks us.

“Better than you,” Keith mocks.

“Ugh! Is that one of you?”

“You know we despise Dig Dug,” I note.

“Just tell us, you two!” demands Lucas.

Keith looks at me, raising his eyebrows.

“Please, don’t stare like that. You know I don’t go too far with them,” I say quietly. “Handle it on your own.”

“I can tell you,” he turns to the kids and lays his eyes on Mike, “but I need something in return”.

I feel the sting of jealousy before he’s done talking. Of course he’s thinking about Nancy.

“You’re not getting a date with my sister!” Mike says loudly, also knowing what Keith means. “I’m not prostituting her!”

“Oh, come on! Just get him the date, only one! Don’t you want to know who got better than us?” Lucas teases him.

I’m getting done with their conversation, so I turn around and leave. I’m doing it at a good moment, as there’s a boy waiting at the counter. I put a fake smile on, ready to answer his questions. Keith joins me a few moments later.

“Well, now we know they don’t know her, guess they would’ve recognized the nickname. But why did you step aside? I weren’t done with them, I thought you wanted to listen.”

“I didn’t want to listen to you argue with Wheeler about his sister. It’s getting weird.”

“What’s weird about that? I’m just trying to get a date.”

“Okay, but why Nancy? Everybody is so obsessed with her, even my brother, and now you. She is a basic bitch, definitely not worth your time.”

I’m aware that I’m getting bitchy myself, since I don’t know Nancy too well and she probably isn’t that bad once you’re close to her, but when I talk to Keith knowing he thinks of her, I can’t stop.

“But she’s pretty,” he says with no hesitation. “And she looks nice in a dress.”

I try to swallow the clump of sadness growing in my throat. I should’ve known better that he would pay more attention to people like her when it comes to romantic interests. Having this thought in my head that the joke’s on me, I still can’t help jumping into an argument.“That’s what you care about? Pretty faces and pretty dresses?” I say with shaking voice.

“Yes, I think so.”

“But you have never even talked to her! You don’t know if you’d get along with her!”

“She’s pretty enough for me to take a risk,” he repeated.

It takes all my strength not to scream or punch him.

“You know what? I always thought you were worth something, but now I think I see you are like everyone else. And I need to go.”

Not waiting for his reaction, I grab my bag and step outside the arcade. The delayed sound of closing doors tells me someone’s following me. As I turn around, I say:

“I told you I don’t want to…”

I stop when I realise it’s not Keith, as I assumed, but my brother who left the arcade after me.

“Oh. That’s you…”

“Yes, that’s me.What happened? Keith pisses you off too?”

“As you can see, he does sometimes.”

“What’s that thing you don’t want to do?”

I respond with a short sigh. I can’t tell him it’s hearing about Nancy, I know he likes her quite much. He’s still my brother, I don’t want to hurt his feelings. It’s different than with Keith.

“Nevermind. It’s between me and him.”

“Okay. Don’t say if you don’t want to. But can you at least tell me who MadMax is?”

I smile at him as I decide to spill the tea.

“It’s a red-haired girl, probably around your age. I assume she’s new in the area, today’s the first time I saw her here.”

“Yeah, I also don’t think I know someone like that… But fair enough! Thanks! I’ll stay here a bit longer, so… see you at home?”

“Sure. See ya.”

Once he turns around and enters the building, I’m on my own. I can finally put my mask down. I let my smile fade away and first tears go down my cheeks.

I don’t manage to put myself together before reaching home and mother doesn’t fail to notice my state. It’s not exactly the first time when I come back sad from work, but for a first time I’ve been crying on my way back, which makes her approach me and ask:

“Hey, what happened, sweetie? Did somebody hurt you?”

Saying nothing, I burst into tears again and hug her. She hugs me back and then gently sits me on the couch, holding my hand.

“Alex, what is that?” she repeats. “You know you can tell me anything.”

“Mom, am I not pretty?” I whisper.

“How can you say that! Of course you are! Who made you think you’re not?”

“There’s this guy at the arcade that I work with… I really like him and sometimes I wish it was something more. But he only cares about that other girl. Today he said he could give her a chance just because she’s pretty. Why wouldn’t he give this chance to me, mom? Am I not pretty enough?”

“Oh, dear… Okay, let’s start with this. Do you think he at least likes you back?”

“I think so. We talk a lot and I feel he’s friendly to me.”

“That’s a good start! So, maybe you should tell him exactly how you feel? Or ask another friend for advice? I’m sure some girls at school will know how to deal with this.”

Right, ‘cause my mum assumes I have someone to talk to at school, even though she tries to keep up with my life and should know it’s not true. But… accidentally, she gave me an excellent idea.

Next day I’m not working and I don’t have to stand Keith’s presence, so I decide not to rush things. I wait until Halloween. That’s when in the school corridor I approach Nancy Wheeler.

“Hi, Nancy! How you doin’?”, I say.

“Hey… could be better, I guess”, she answers politely. “What do you want?”

“Um… advice. I want advice.”

“From me?”. She seems surprised.

“Yes. You know, there’s this thing…”

I stop when she starts staring over my shoulder. I turn my head and see Steve Harrington, her boyfriend, walking down the corridor.

“I don’t know what it is about, but I guess I can at least listen. Only not now. Meet me at 2 p.m. in the parking lot, okay?”

“Okay. I’ll be there.”

Nancy nods and approaches Steve, leaving me alone by the lockers. I meet her again a few hours later, when – as we promised – we both appear in the parking lot.

“So, what is my advice supposed to be about?” she asks with no further introduction.

“About relationships,” I explain a little shakingly, suddenly feeling how embarrassment takes over me. “There’s one guy I want to pick up but I have no idea how, and I know you’re good with boys”.

Nancy scoffs, turning her head away.

“I’m not good with boys. If you mean Steve, it’s him who talked to me first and that’s what started things. Also, it’s not going that well anymore…”

“Yeah, I see, but you had to catch his attention in the first place. You’ve got charm, people notice you. There’s a lot of them talking or thinking about you, I know that. I don’t have this and it sucks.”

“Okay, okay. I get it,” she says with a sigh. “I’ll try to help you. Let’s go to my place. I’m going to the Halloween party later, I’ll be getting ready as we talk.”

We soon reach Wheelers’ house and – after saying hello to Mrs. Wheeler – go straight to Nancy’s room. She starts to go through clothes in her wardrobe as she asks:

“You said you have trouble picking the guy up. What’s exactly the problem?”

“He doesn’t seem to notice me. I mean, we know each other, guess I can say we’re friends, but I want it to be more and I’m not sure how to get to that, especially that he likes someone else.”

“Okay… Do you by any chance know what he values in relationships?”

I manage to utter that one and only word:

“Pretty.”

“What?”

“He wants his girlfriend to be pretty.”

“Oh, I see your issue then. You wear those ugly clothes, military trousers and oversized hoodies. You’re hiding your pretty side, that’s why he doesn’t see you like that. You need to become more feminine, it’ll make things easier for you both.”

“Yeah, but… I don’t think I could become more feminine.”

“Why not? You’re a girl, right? It should be easy. You can wear all those nice sweaters and jeans, maybe a little make-up could help, or some jewelry?”

I sigh deeply. She touched upon things that make me extremely uncomfortable, that’s why no one, not even my family, knows about my feelings towards them. But if I really want her to help me…

“Nancy… can I be honest with you? Totally honest?”

She sits beside me on the bed and reaches for my hand, saying softly but with confidence:

“Yes. You can.”

“I know it’s sound weird, but… I don’t feel like I’m a girl. I mean, not always. Sometimes it feels okay so I accept it and I even think about becoming more girly, but at other times I wish I was a guy so some things would be easier. And finally sometimes I just wish for it all to fade away so I wouldn’t have to care about what’s girly and what’s boyish… I hang somewhere in-between and try not to care. All those clothes I wear, neutral short name that I use… this image makes things easier at times where I don’t feel like a girl. No one questions it anymore and I feel comfortable. But… I don’t know if it even makes sense.”

“Well… it sure sounds confusing, but I can see your point. Being a girl is tough, I can feel that, even if it seems to be easy for me. I never wanted to abandon my womanhood, but it makes sense that you’re different from me and you wander to different places with those things.”

Her words bring me a relief. I tighten my fingers on her palm.

“Thanks, Nancy. I appreciate it.”

“It’s okay. Now I’m thinking… maybe you went so far into this not-feeling-like-a-girl thing that this guy doesn’t percieve you as one anymore? He might think you’re his mate or even see you more as a boy in a way. You work at the arcade, and those clothes again… It’s rare to find girls like that.”

“Yeah, this sounds logical… but if I don’t want to break with that image, how do I let him know I have feelings for him?”

“Just tell him the same things you told me.”

She’s not the first person to advise me talking to Keith openly, but I still can’t imagine that.

“If it only was so easy…” I sigh.

“Okay! Who is he?” Nancy asks, surprisingly elevated.

“Who?”

“This guy you’re so madly in love with! Who’s he?” she repeats, standing up.

“You know Keith, right? He works with me at the arcade, that’s where we met.”

She stares at me blankly for a moment.

“Sorry, but I don’t think I know him. Mike mentions the place sometimes and I could’ve seen him somewhere, but you know… no details to appear in my head.”

“How come?” I ask, also standing up. “He keeps asking your brother to set him on a date with you. Mike never told you that?”

“No… and you can’t be serious…”. I shrug my shoulders, saying nothing. “Oh, you’re serious?”. I nod my head in response. “So when you said he likes another girl, you meant me? And he wants his girlfriend to be pretty like me?”

“Something like that.”

“Well… it changes a lot. But I think this makes it easier for me to help you.”

“Wait, so you still want to help me? I mean, you just learned I came to you to talk about a guy that I want to pick up while he has feelings for you. Isn’t it weird?”

“I don’t think so… Maybe a little.”

“I also told him you’re a basic bitch in hope that he changes his mind about you,” I decide to tell her for some reason.

“Okay… that’s rude, I admit.”

“I wasn’t thinking. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” she calms me with a sigh. “I guess you were right in a sense. I was a bitch, for you. I remember you wanted to be friends with me once but I refused. I shouldn’t have. Now I see you’re a nice person… Why wouldn’t you be? You’re a Henderson, and I actually like your brother. And… even if it’s hard, I’m enjoying this talk.”

“Thanks… It feels good talking to you too. You’re fine when you don’t tell people to get lost.”

We get interrupted with the sound of the front door opening and closing, followed by Mike’s voice. Nancy gives me a sly smile and says:

“You know what? Screw that party. Steve has been making me sick lately, I suppose there are better ways to spend this day than partying with him. Come on!”

We quit her room and run down the stairs fast enough to catch Mike in the corridor, just before he steps on the stairs leading to the basement.

“Brother! Nice to see you!” Nancy exclaims. “Isn’t there anything you want to tell me?”

He looks at me and I know he realized that Nancy knows.

“You told her about Keith?” he asks anyway.

“I wouldn’t have to if you did.”

“Yeah, why didn’t you tell me someone was trying to get a date with me? Together we would handle it somehow,” adds Nancy.

Mike stutters for a moment before he manages to say:

“Because I didn’t want this to slip out of hand. Keith can get weird, but I kind of like him, I thought it would ruin things if I got you involved. Besides… I made a promise to Dustin.”

“Wait… what does Dustin have to do with it?” I ask, surprised.

“Don’t act like you don’t know! Everybody sees you have feelings for Keith. Those puppy eyes you make for him and how he made you mad and sad two days ago… Even MadMax noticed there could be something going on.”

“MadMax? So you know her after all?”

“She joined our class yesterday. But it doesn’t matter now. What matters is, Dustin really wants you to be happy, and if it means bringing you together with Keith, he’s fine with that, we both are. He once had this idea that if I keep on denying Keith’s requests so that he stays away from Nance, he might get bored and ask you about that date. It made sense to me, so I agreed.”

“But what about the rest of the group? Those two days ago Lucas encouraged you to get Keith the date. Doesn’t he know about the deal?”

“He and Will found out yesterday, when we talked to Max and she realised Dustin’s your brother. She asked outright if there’s something between you and Keith, so we explained everything. Earlier it stayed between me and Dustin, because it’s about you two, meaning our sisters.”

“You know what? I think it’s actually kind of sweet,” says Nancy as we exchange looks. “Dustin must really care about you.”

“Yeah, he’s a good brother…”, Mike agrees, strangely sad.

“Hey, you’re also a good brother! And a very good friend,” she ensures him, realising how her words sounded, and pats him on the shoulder. “Keeping me away, it makes sense to me too. You wanted things to work out well for everyone, that’s nice.”

“Thanks, sister. So… what’s the plan now?”

“I believe you have one so I’d like to know too,” I support his question.

“My plan is to go to the arcade with you, Alex, and confront Keith. My staying away doesn’t sound bad, but I think the case here is about what he imagines he could get from me. I’ll let him know he won’t get it and open his eyes to what he already got.”

“Sounds good! Let’s go!” I say cheerfully, even though deep down I’m actually terrified.

“Can I come with you?” asks Mike. “I could call out Dustin too.”

“But don’t you have some trick-or-treating to do with your party?” Nancy asks back. “I don’t know how long it’s gonna take us, and I don’t want you all to change or cancel your plans. Have fun!”

We remain silent most of our way to the arcade. The more we’re getting close, the more I’m nervous. Of course I want Keith to know about my feelings, but I have no idea how he’s going to react, and that’s why I never told him – I’d rather be just friends with him for the rest of my life than lose him because I wanted too much. When we’re almost there, I ask:

“Are you sure we’re doing the right thing? It all means too much, I think I’m gonna kill myself if something goes wrong.”

“Don’t worry, I got it under control. But if something goes wrong, remember it’s not the end of the world. I lost a friend last year, now I’m slowly losing my boyfriend, and I’m not killing myself.”

“I’m sorry… Sometimes I forget how much Barb’s case must hurt you. And it was that time of year, right?”

“Yes, it was November. But hopefully I’ll soon be able to move on… and survive. Because there’s more to this life, you know? I have my family to love, I admire Mike’s friends, and look how we are growing closer! I wouldn’t be able to abandon all this, just like you shouldn’t even think of leaving behind your mom and brother because of one boy who doesn’t love you back. They sure want you to stay, even if everyone else rejects you.”

“I guess you’re right…” I admit quietly as we reach the arcade. “Well, we’re here.”

“Yeah. So, how about I go in on my own and talk to him and then you join? You can give me about five minutes, I think it should be enough for me to explain what I need to explain.”

“Okay.” Before she steps in, I add: “Nancy… thanks for doing it for me.”

“No problem. Hendersons and Wheelers should stick together, don’t you think?”

I smile as she disappears inside. Having nothing better to do, I start counting. When I reach 300, I know about five minutes have passed, so I enter the arcade. Nancy and Keith stand together at the counter. It seems like they’re already waiting for me. When I join them, Nancy says:

“I think you should talk in private. I’ll try and take care of things here.”

I thank her once again and I go with Keith into the storage room where only the employers can go. It’s quiet there so we sit and chill there sometimes, although I can’t exactly recall the last time I stayed there for a longer while. When we are on our own behind closed doors after spending a moment in crowded and loud arcade, the silence is deafening.

“Now I know what you meant about me and Nancy not getting along,” he speaks first. “Talking to her felt weird.”

“Maybe it’s about your talk’s theme?” I suggest. “I don’t think it could be not akward.”

“No, it was more of a general feeling. But you’re right, the theme also was odd. I don’t get how you couldn’t just tell me I’m special to you not only as a friend.”

“I didn’t want to ruin what’s already between us. And I knew you wanted her. I thought that it would look funny if I tried to look like a competition.”

“I agree that you can’t really compare yourself to Nancy because it looks weird…”

“So I’m weird when I’m compared to her? Thanks!” I say angrily.

“Alex, please… Don’t do this to me now,” he begs, laying his hands on my arms. “Calm down. I don’t want to argue, not this time. I didn’t mean that you are weird, although I probably should remind you it’s you who said that Hawkins is full of freaks. I wanted to say that the comparison is weird because you’re completely different from her.”

“And that’s what I meant,” I say, trying to be calm. “You want her pretty face and her pretty dresses. I can’t give it to you. Because… there’s much more than that.”

“Nancy mentioned as well it’s not exactly just about those things. Could you please explain to me… how you are? How you work? I’m sorry, I can’t put it into words.”

“It’s okay.”

I explain the way I am in the same words I used when talking to Nancy. It makes him prove her assumptions true as he says:

“Now it makes sense why I never realised you have feelings for me, even when you tried to get Nancy out of my head. It’s so easy talking to you about everything, and you have this presentation… I kind of forgot you are a girl in the essence.”

“And in the essence, I will always be one,” I add. “It’s not something I desperately want to change. My state of mind shifts and I’m not too girly, but I’m still the opposite of you and I’m the same as Nancy. That’s why I’m Dustin’s sister, not brother, and it won’t change. Basing on all this and on the fact we get along well, I want you… I need you to see me as someone you could love. Even though I will never be a girlfriend in a full sense and I can’t give you what Nancy would.”

“Because you don’t wear dresses and your face is not the same as hers. But when I look at you now… guess it’s pretty enough.”

He hugs me tightly. It happens so suddenly I can’t help a quick shudder, but also standing there – with his arms around me and my cheek against his chest, not saying anything, after he admitted I’m pretty enough – feels so good that I want to make it last forever. After a moment I raise my head. We look each other in the eye and when I feel like our faces are getting closer and our lips are going to meet… we hear knocking at the door.

“Sorry to interupt, but there are some technical issues and I think you’re needed!” shouts Nancy.

I’m dissapointed that nothing happened in the end, but we can’t avoid our duties. We leave the room and see a man waiting at the counter.

“One of the machines broke,” he informs us.

Keith apologizes to Nancy and me and follows the man. Once they are out of my sight, six other people appear at the counter: it’s Dustin, Mike, Lucas and Will, accompanied by Will’s brother, Jonathan (one more thing I keep forgetting: his loving family cares about that boy at least twice as much since his dissapearance, that’s why he’s almost never alone) and a girl I’ve once seen, MadMax. Although she’s the only one in this weird collection I don’t really know (compared to her, even Jonathan feels like someone close), she’s the first one to immediately ask:

“Did you kiss him already? It could prove to him that you love him.”

“Whoa, hold up!” I say. “We don’t exactly know each other and you’re asking me about kisses? First of all, I’m Alex.”

“Max Mayfield,” she oficially introduces herself, shaking my hand. “When I saw you and him here two days ago, I was sure you were already a couple. And then I learned it’s never been like that. So, are you getting together or is it just some kind of weird game?”

“I think we’re finally getting together,” I admit. “But… how did you all even know? I mean, that something’s going on here right now.”

“I told them about everything,” Mike confesses. “Sorry…”

“Don’t be, it’s fine.”. Nancy smiles at him.

“No, it’s NOT fine!” exclaims Dustin. “You should’ve told me! You have no idea for how long I was your support. And now I don’t get to know something’s finally happening? I don’t get it!”

“What I don’t get is why you just don’t kiss him already,” Max interrupts him. “Do things really have to be so hard?”

“You know what? You’re right. It doesn’t have to be so hard.”

I notice Keith’s coming back; I step from behind the counter and approach him. As we meet halfway through, I climb to my toes, put my hands on his neck and kiss his lips. I can taste Cheetos he must’ve been eating before I came, but it’s good, it’s really good. And it’s good when he kisses me back, and it’s good when I hear the outburst of happiness behind my back.

Fall of 1983 changed a lot, but Halloween of 1984 starts the season that changes even more. Last year it was Nancy hanging out with Steve or Barb – now it’s Nancy with Jonathan and me. After welcoming Max Dustin’s party grows from four to five people, or from five to six, since Mike can’t forget this girl they crossed paths with a year before and believes she would fit with them. Another dimension – now I remember they call it the Upside Down – also doesn’t let anyone forget and forces people to fight itself, as the effect making citizens of Hawkins come closer together – well, at least some of them. Although it does a lot of harm, everything I go through with them helps me start calling some people “friends”… which finally makes Hawkins feel like home.

In all of this, one thing never changes. The arcade is still that friendly, safe place with that one person who understands me the best and always makes me feel better. It’s my boyfriend, Keith.

#submission #contest entry #6k contest #6k contest entry #welcome-here-in-my-world #welcome here in my world #fanfiction submission #stranger things #oneshot #stranger things oneshot #keith the arcade guy #keith the arcade guy oneshot

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mrs-berry · 6 years ago

Text

Secrets

Part 6 of Avril Amour (Adrinette April 2019)

By mrs_berry

@adrinetteapril

Click here to read on AO3!

Nino and Alya were determined to get Adrien and Marinette together. They knew they needed to give a push in order to get their friends' relationship to bloom into romance, because Adrien and Marinette were highly unlikely to start dating without intervention.

Which brought them to where they all are now: Nino's bedroom.

It had taken some clever lies, but the group had managed to bring Adrien along in-person (instead of through video chat) and Nino and Alya were not going to waste this golden opportunity.

"Sit wherever, dudes."

At Nino's offer, Alya quickly plopped across his bed, Nino opted to sit in his bean bag chair, and Marinette and Adrien were left with little choice but to sit near one another on the plush carpet. Already, the sly couple had put their plan into action, completely unbeknownst to the two oblivious dorks.

"So you know what game I've been wanting to play with you guys?" Alya smirked, diving right into the heart of the plan. "Truth or Dare."

"Truth or Dare? What's that?" Adrien asked, having never heard of it due to his lack of social life before this year.

"It's a game where we take turns asking each other the question: truth or dare? When you pick truth, we come up with a question that you have to answer truthfully—and no lying or my reporter senses will expose you!" Alya began explaining.

"Yeah and when you pick dare, we come up with something fun for you to do and you have to do it. But just a warning, bro: that 'something' will be fun or funny to us but maybe not for you," Nino added.

"Oh, and one last thing: once you choose, you can't change your mind after hearing what the question or dare is. So, in other words, think very carefully before you choose," Alya finished with a wink.

Adrien took a moment to absorb the information and then nodded with a smile. "Sounds interesting to me, I'm in."

Meanwhile, Marinette, who had remained quiet the whole time, had a deer-in-headlights look on her face.

"You okay, girl?" Alya asked with a knowing grin. Marinette's expression switched to a glare. Marinette had clued in on the goal of tonight's game: make Marinette confess who her crush was via truth or make her do something like kiss him via dare.

"Can we play something else?" Marinette asked, though she could already guess what the answer would be.

"Hey, my dude here has never played before, let's at least play it for his sake," Nino piped up, knowing that using Adrien as an excuse to play would be effective.

It was. Especially when Marinette saw the excited look on his face. He obviously had no clue what he was in for.

"Ugh, fine. But can we just do one round?"

"Two. That way we each get a chance to do one truth and one dare," Alya suggested. "But if you want to pick dare both times or truth both times, you can."

Marinette grimaced but finally agreed.

"Okay, so we will start with me, since I came up with the idea, and go clockwise around the room. So go ahead and ask me," Alya challenged, an excited look in her eyes.

"Truth or dare, babe?" Nino asked on behalf of everyone.

"I'll start with truth."

The other three looked at each and quietly discussed amongst themselves what to ask her, while Alya scrolled through her phone as she waited.

"How about if she prefers Ladybug or Chat Noir?" Adrien suggested.

"Ladybug," Marinette and Nino answered at the same time.

"That one is too easy," Nino clarified.

"Then how about we ask her how many people she's kissed? If you're okay with that, Nino?" Marinette asked.

"Well, I'm pretty sure I already know, but sure, let's go with that one."

"Alya," Marinette cleared her throat to get her bestie's attention. "How many people have you kissed?"

"That's kinda vague. Are we talking cheek kisses? Neck kisses? Kisses elsewhere?" Alya winked mischievously. "You gotta be more specific, hon."

The three huddled together and came to an agreement.

"We'll go with lips. Any length of time," Nino grinned.

"Okay, let me think," Alya raised her hand and began mentally counting on her fingers. "Are we counting girls, too?"

Adrien looked slightly shocked by the question. Marinette suppressed a chuckle seeing how he had no idea. This boy really was clueless about the world.

"Of course, Alya. We asked how many people. Girls are people too, you know," Marinette quipped.

"Right, right. Then my answer is four."

Nino raised his brow. "Damn babe, I though it was two? I guess the other two were ladies?"

"One was female and the other one was non-binary. They were so hot," Alya sighed dreamily remembering Alex Cyprin. Then quickly added, "Not as hot as you, of course, silly." Alya laughed at the look of relief on Nino's face.

"Damn right," Nino muttered. "Alright, my turn next. I'll pick dare."

"We didn't even ask the question," Adrien commented, slightly confused.

"Bro, it's not really necessary seeing as I know what the question is already," he chuckled.

Poor Adrien, he was a little slow sometimes. Or maybe most of the time. At least when it came to social situations. He wasn't slow at physics or any school subjects. However, the topic of people really wasn't his forte.

"Right," Adrien mumbled pitifully.

The group, minus Nino, huddled and decided on a dare that would be appropriate.

At Alya's latest suggestion, both Adrien and Marinette scrunched their noses. "I don't want to see that," Marinette whispered and Adrien nodded in agreement.

"Okay but you two have yet to come up with anything remotely good, so unless we want Nino to die from boredom and waiting, we're going with this." Without waiting for a reply, Alya called for Nino's attention. "Tie up your shirt so that your stomach is showing and then turn around and twerk."

"Really, babe, that's the best you got?" Nino quirked his brow.

"C'mon Nino, let's not taint these kids' minds with something worse," Alya replied.

Nino nodded in agreement and proceeded to do as his dare asked. Adrien and Marinette initially looked anywhere else but at Nino but when Alya's laughter grew in volume, they both looked over to see Nino acting super silly as he attempted to twerk. He was so bad at it and his expressions were hilarious, causing the other two to burst into laughter as well.

"W-well done," Alya choked out between her laughter, wiping a tear from under her glasses after laughing so hard.

"Thanks, I can do it again later if you want," he said suggestively.

"Anyway!!" Marinette interrupted, not wanting the conversation to go in that direction while she and Adrien were still present. "It's Adrien's turn now. Truth or dare, A-Adrien?"

He beamed at her before putting his finger to his chin in thought.

"I'll go with truth," he decided.

Alya turned to Marinette excitedly. "Anything you want to ask him, girl? Now's your chance!" She was grinning most deviously as she whisper-yelled.

"I can't just ask him anything!" Marinette exclaimed in an equally hushed-yell. "We can't just ask him what he thinks of me, that would be suspicious and awkward. And knowing him, he would just say something about how I'm a great friend and good person." Marinette blushed as she had basically reminded herself all over again about how sweet he was.

"Then ask him who he likes," Nino suggested.

Ack! Wait a second, did Nino know about her crush on him?? Marinette shot Alya a glare that meant she was upset at her for telling him. Alya shrugged in response, "He figured it out himself. It's not hard to notice once you're looking at it from a third party perspective."

"Ugh!"

"Anyway, we good for that question?" Nino said, going back to the subject of the game.

"Absolutely not! What if he says some other girl's name? I don't think my heart will be able to handle it and I will act weird for the rest of the night," Marinette whined.

"Fine, any other ideas?"

"How about we ask what he likes in a romantic partner? Maybe that could give Marinette some ideas?" Alya proposed.

Marinette agreed that that question was harmless enough and might even be useful.

Turning towards the boy, Alya repeated her suggested question, then added, "And we are asking about personality, specifically. Though you can describe looks as well if you want."

Adrien looked pensive for a few moments before answering. "I like someone who is brave, witty, and a good leader. Someone who has determination and a good sense of humour. And someone who likes me for who I really am and also that we get along well."

The three stared in awe for a moment. He was such an angel, it left them speechless.

"Well, I think Marinette fits that description," Alya nudged her friend. "Once she stops stuttering and being a nervous-wreck, that is."

"Alya!" Marinette gently punched her friend in embarrassment and annoyance. Couldn't she use a little more tact sometimes?

Fortunately (or maybe unfortunately), Adrien didn't seem to pick up on what Alya was hinting at. Instead he replied, "That's true. Marinette is our class president, so she's a great leader. And she is clever and easy to get along with." Adrien smiled at her, not realizing he was basically admitting she was her type. Marinette was gaping.

Frantically, she said, "Okay, my turn now! And I choose dare!"

Alya had the most wicked expression on her face that Marinette had ever seen and Marinette instantly regretted everything.

Without even bothering to consult with Nino and Adrien, Alya challenged, "I dare you to text your crush right now. All your text needs to say is 'Hey.' That's it."

Adrien looked confused, "That's a bit tame for a dare isn't it? If her crush doesn't have her number, they won't know who it is. If they do have her number, it's not like the text is embarrassing."

Alya laughed at his comment. "Oh, trust me. Her crush will realize right away that he is the one she likes, all thanks to this dare."

Adrien still looked confused. Marinette switched between feeling furious and helpless, completely at a loss of how to get out this.

"C-can I choose truth instead?" Marinette asked timidly, knowing full well what the answer would be.

"No can do, Mari. You have to follow the rules as much as everyone else," Alya grinned.

Sighing in defeat, Marinette slowly pulled out her phone from her purse. She typed out the simple "Hey," to her crush and stared at it, desperately wanting to do anything but hit the send button.

Her life was about to be ruined, a disaster was waiting to wreak havoc on her entire being, the end of the world was going to happen right in front of her very own eyes. Adrien, as innocently oblivious as he could be, was sure to find out her biggest secret now. He would learn the truth and be absolutely flabbergasted. He would probably give her an awkwardly apologetic smile and tell her he didn't feel the same way... then she would do her best to compose herself and tell him it's okay, but once she got home, she would cry a river and rip up all his posters and presents, only to hop on a plane or a ship and move to Canada where she'd live up in Nunavut in an igloo with no internet or cell phone service and would ride on polar bears to get to school and she would—!

Alya snatched her phone and hit the send button for her.

"ALYA!!!!" Marinette shrieked, her face turning ghostly pale.

Adrien's phone buzzed. Marinette held her breath, desperately hoping and praying to whatever gods existed that he wouldn't look at it right then and there.

Her prayers went unanswered.

Adrien opened up the text.

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thecircusofyourmind · 6 years ago

Note

Ya know what -- since you did it to me, imma do it to you ALL 170

UGH I deserved this

1: How tall or short do you wish you were? I’m fine with my height tbh2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not) PENGUIN3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? I literally wear nothing but musical T-Shirts4: What was your favorite video game growing up? oh god. that’s a tough one. Prolly Kingdom Hearts or the Pokemon games5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: uhhh... the girl I like, my snapchat streaks bc i suck at them, and sleep6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? Warning: forever alone7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]? no8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic] I have no idea9: Are you ticklish? I think? no one has tried in a while so idk10: Are you allergic to anything? nope!11: What’s your sexuality? straight af12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa? Hot Cocoa 13: Are you a cat or dog person? DOGS14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson? Vampire15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? nope16: How tall are you? tf if I know. Maybe like 5′8″ I think?17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? I wouldn’t18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] like 130ish I think19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? YES THEY ARE TERRIFYING20: Do you like space or the ocean more? Space!21: Are you religious? not really22: Pet peeves? people leaving me on read and ignoring me and avoiding me. 23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]? I already am nocturnal so24: Favorite constellation? I have no idea25: Favorite star? Also have no idea26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls? wat27: Any phobias or fears? SPIDERS. 28: Do you think global warming is real? I mean, it’s January 9th and we’ve yet to have actual snowfall so29: Do you believe in reincarnation? I don’t know30: Favorite movie? no clue31: Do you get scared easily? HAHA YEP32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime? a few fish, 2 dogs, a hamster33: Blog rate? [You’ll rate the blog of the one who’s asking.] ∞/10 obviously34: What is a color that calms you? uh. purple maybe bc it’s my favorite35: Where would you like to travel and/or live? I would LOVE to travel to London and Paris36: Where were you born? Holyoke, MA37: What is your eye color? Brown38: Introvert or extrovert? kinda both39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? idk40: Hugs or kisses? never been kissed so... hugs41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now? The girl i like obviously42: Who is someone you love deeply? no43: Any piercings you want? no44: Do you like tattoos and piercings? I don’t mind them45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so? never have, never will46: Talk about your crush, if you have one! even if she’s been a pain lately and stuff has been rough... she’s wonderful and makes me happy and i adore her and talking to her and the fact that I get to work with her makes my awful job a little tolerable knowing there’s one good thing there I get to look forward to seeing at work when the job sucks. 47: What is a sound you really hate? tf if I know48: A sound you really love? quiet49: Can you do a backflip? nope50: Can you do the splits? LOL nope51: Favorite actor and/or actress? jfc uh I don’t know there are so many to pick from! I never really pick favorites52: Favorite movie? why is this asked a second time?53: How are you feeling right now? awful lmfao54: What color would you like your hair to be right now? I like it the way it is55: When did you feel happiest? 2 years 3 months ago even tho that shouldn’t be my answer.56: Something that calms you down? sleep57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] not that I know of?58: What does your URL mean? It’s a song from Finding Neverland!59: What three words describe you the most? useless, uglyaf, yeah60: Do you believe in evolution? I mean, we had to get here somehow?61: What makes you unfollow a blog? I don’t ever usually62: What makes you follow a blog? no idea, just kinda do63: Favorite kind of person: nice people64: Favorite animal(s): dog, penguin65: Name three of your favorite blogs. @thewomaninlilywhite @putawaythefairytales @thoughtsofabasketcase66: Favorite emoticon: 😂 this is my most used one67: Favorite meme: NO68: What is your MBTI personality type? i have no idea69: What is your star sign? Scorpio70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog? LOL NOPE71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most? literally any musical related thing72: Post a selfie or two? NO73: Do you have platform shoes? why would i74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself? I’m not interesting75: Can you do a front flip? no76: Do you like birds? penguins77: Do you like to swim? I never really go swimming78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? prolly swimming bc I’d prolly die ice skating79: Something you wish didn’t exist: me lol jk... but spiders80: Some thing you wish did exist: my happiness ahaha81: Piercings you have? none82: Something you really enjoy doing: sleep, sing, perform83: Favorite person to talk to: the girl i like..?84: What was your first impression of Tumblr? this is stupid lmao85: How many followers do you have? 101 bc i don’t do anything on here86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? prolly87: Do your socks always match? yes88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely? nope89: What are your birthstones? Tourmaline and Opal90: If you were an animal, which one would you be? a penguin91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? i have no idea92: A store you hate? MY JOB93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? 094: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? read minds95: Do you like to wear camo? nah96: Winter or summer? summer97: How long can you hold your breath for? never counted98: Least favorite person? lol99: Someone you look up to: every talented person100: A store you love? idk101: Favorite type of shoes what102: Where do you live? Massachussets 103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why? nope104: What is your favorite mineral or gem? no idea105: Do you drink milk? yeah106: Do you like bugs? eh107: Do you like spiders? HAHA NO108: Something you get paranoid about? literally everything in my life109: Can you draw: nope110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked? uhhh idk111: A question you hate being asked? “omg you’ve never been with a girl are you gay???” jfc people it gets old and annoying112: Ever been bitten by a spider? who hasn’t...?113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach? suree114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days? depends on if it’s nice or not even with clouds115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: -_- obviously the girl i like116: Favorite cloud type: the ones that don’t produce snow117: What color do you wish the sky was? it’s fine the way it is118: Do you have freckles? a few119: Favorite thing about a person: honesty.120: Fruits or vegetables? veggies prolly?121: Something you want to do right now: die I mean sleep122: Is the ocean or sky prettier? ocean123: Sweet or sour foods? sweet124: Bright or dim lights? dim125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature? dragons are obviously real126: Something you hate about Tumblr: idk127: Something you love about Tumblr: also idk128: What do you think about the least? *shrugs*129: What would you want written on your tombstone? idk130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now? A LOT OF PEOPLE131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself? I don’t 132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures? no133: Computer or TV? computer134: Do you like roller coasters? yesss135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness? nope136: Are your ears lobed or attached? lobed 137: Do you believe in karma? YEP138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? -10000000000139: What nicknames do you have/have had? Joey lol140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? I have friends?141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? no142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others? I try to be a good one143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help? giving144: What makes you angry people145: How many languages do you speak fluently? one146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries? girls147: Are you androgynous? what?148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: nothing149: Favorite thing about your personality: also nothing150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. no151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? uhhhh152: Do you like BuzzFeed? eh i don’t hate it153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.] FOREVER ALONE154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? never kissed155: Do you like to play with others’ hair? forever. alone. 156: What embarrasses you? my face157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: idk158: Biggest lie you have ever told: I try not to159: How many people are you following? 64160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)? 647161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)? 0162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)? 460163: Last time you cried and why: Last day of Little Mermaid I literally SOBBED when I said bye to my Jetsam and Ursula bc they were literally my rocks over the previous 3 weeks to that because my life was just downright horrible and they were the only good part about it at the time164: Do you have long or short hair? short165: Longest your hair has ever been: not too long166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon? just don’t care lol167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? eh168: Do you like to wear makeup? no169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? prolly not170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? yes

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brynwrites · 7 years ago

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Ask Compilation.

Topics covered:

Chapter Titles

Nonbinary character shenanigans

These Treacherous Tides, the series

Marketing yourself as an author via blog

Starting back up with writing

Writing children

Writing fighting woman with big hearts

Differentiating casts who feel similar

Writing in your native language vs English

And a few notes from my lovely followers.

All other questions should be listed on the ask queue page. (Except the last two WIP related questions I haven’t gotten around to answering…)

Chapter Titles

@aithlynfreyeaesthetic asked: Hello, I hope you're doing well. Are chapter title absolutely necessary? I've been avoiding chapter titles purely because I'm horrible at titles, but I've just always wondered.

Not at all! The majority of fiction books don’t use chapter titles. They can be fun, especially in certain genres, but they’re in no way necessary.

Nonbinary character shenanigans

@thebravetinsoldier asked: Hi! I’m writing a steampunk story were the main character is being hunted because they’ve cheated death and become immortal by changing their “deceased” parts with robotics and magic. I really want this character to be nonbinary, but part of the explanation is that they’ve changed parts of themselves so much that they no longer remember if they were a boy or a girl. Is this a bad thing? Sorry for the bad formulation, English is not my first language.

First up, I want to clarify that there’s nothing inherently wrong with most concepts in which nonbinary people are robots or mythical creatures, but it does paint an uncomfortable picture simply because there are so few nonbinary character in existence who are actually human, creating a implication that nonbinary people are not-quite-human because humans are the ones who have binary genders.

You fix that particular issue with a small adjustment: Let there be fully human/non-magical nonbinary characters in the world, even if they’re just a side characters who only appears in one scene.

The main problem here though, is the idea that physical appearance determines identity. Rather than presenting the main character as not being able to identify whether they’re a binary gender, it’s far better to present it as them knowing they don’t (and have probably never) felt like a binary gender, and feeling happy with the way their body is androgynous, because they don’t feel the need to present as a specific gender*.

Let me illustrate it this way: A girl who losses her physical, female body (or is born in a male body) will be no less a girl, even if society tries to tell her that she could or should be a boy. With time, she’ll still decide she is in fact a girl, no matter what her body says. The same is true with nonbinary people. If a person composed of robotics and magic decides they’re nonbinary, then it’s because they’ve always been nonbinary; they might have just taken a while to figure it out, especially if they original had a body their society told them had to assign them a binary identity.

(*this is not a qualification of being nonbinary by the way, though it is a common feeling among many nonbinary people.)

These Treacherous Tides, the series

@kiarazuri asked: You’ve mentioned before that Pearl is set in a mermaid series called These Treacherous Tides (awesome title, btw) and I was wondering how many books you’ve got planned? Also whether or not any of the books will interact with each other or just be set in the same world?

The These Treacherous Tides series is going to be a more or less unconnected series of romance/family-oriented books about different species of merfolk (and humans), though I’m not opposed in any way to cameos, especially of side characters.

I don’t officially have a second book planned yet, but merpeople are one of my favorite things in existence, and the moment I finished Our Bloody Pearl I knew I wanted to write more books about them. I do have two concepts I want to play with in future books, so I’ll be fleshing them out further and picking a direction for them once I’m finished with We Are, We Are Monsters.

Marketing yourself as an author via blog

Anon asked: hi! i'm getting into the final stretch of writing my first novel (i have a few drafts left to complete and then i'll begin the self-publishing process!) and i was looking into how to market myself. among other things, i've been told to create a separate tumblr blog to post about my writing. obviously, yours is working very well! i was wondering if you would suggest doing this and if you have any tips to get it started/gain a following? thanks!

I would definitely suggest creating some kind of blog for writing, and in my experience the writeblr community here is very encouraging and one of the most interactive writing communities on the web. The one thing I will mention though, is that every follower you talk to (i.e. are acquaintances or friends with) are worth a hundred followers you don’t know. I owe all my success to having a ton of writeblr friends who have (and continue to) reblog my posts like they’re gold.

Check out my marketing tag for a ton of posts I’ve written about this! (Make sure you scroll down to the article on building an audience.)

Starting back up with writing

Anon asked: So I've just had exams so I had to stop writing for a while, but now I want to get back into writing my novel but I'm really struggling. I feel like I've forgotten everything ugh. Do you have any advice on how to jump back in?

My key tips:

Start small. Write 50 words. Take a break. Write another 50 words.

Remove distractions. If you’re on tumblr you’re not writing.

Don’t worry if your writing doesn’t sound good! (Follow the link for a full post!)

Writing children

@bloodybutterfly222 asked: Hey! I really love your tips, and I thought maybe you could help me with a problem I've been stumbling in. I have a story that partially revolves around parenting (bonding with a 2-year-old, more specifically) but I realized I don't know how to write children speech/dialogue. Since I've never had much contact with children myself, I'm even more at a lost about how to portray it significantly and yet accurately. Do you happen to have any tips on the matter?

I would love to help you, but I have little current experience in this area too. (Which I’m kicking myself over, because I did nanny through all of college, but I didn’t actually think about the way children speak while I was doing it and so when I write my own child characters they tend to be really stiff and generic.)

The one piece of advice I will impart is this: Children are a lot smarter and braver and more creative than they’re given credit for, and they really do say the darnedest things. Some of my most memorable experiences with kiddos:

An eight year old asked me where evil and sin came from if god didn’t create it and then had a theological conversation with me that most adults couldn’t match.

He and his younger bother decided the heroes of our story would win by buying the villain a million ketchup covered pancakes.

Same younger bother spent ten minutes jumping on his bed shouting chocolate chips at the top of his lungs because he didn’t want to sleep.

Also same young brother would tell everyone he was moving across the country for exactly seven years whenever he was angry.

Multiple instances of really polite 4-6 year old kids coming up to me while I worked retail at the Zoo, asking some variation of “Excuse me, miss, but would be okay if I could buy one of those cups, thank you” and then conducting the entire purchase on their own.

Writing fighting woman with big hearts

@tokinokagura asked: Hello Sir, Regarding your answer about strong female characters. In your opinion, where do females who are strong and independent yet have a very very kind side (like a fighting mom or big sis type, or a type who got something to be strong for) and also how do I approach this scenario of a strong independent fighting strong mother/big sis figure? Thanks in advance

There’s no trick to writing this sort of character; you just write them. Show her being both strong and nurturing, independent and compassionate. Explore the way these traits interact and enhance each other. Does she love her own freedom and want to provide others who are oppressed the same independence she’s found? Does she see compassion as something the strong are required to give? Does she believe true heroes are the ones who fight for others? Look deeper into how she became who she is and why she fights for those she fights for, and then carry that throughout the story in every scene, every choice she makes.

Differentiating casts who feel similar

@katekarl asked: Alright, I could use some help with this WIP. I have a heavy cast of female characters, and I need a way to keep them from sounding too similar. Some of them ARE similar, and the differences in worldview/personality/dialogue might be a little too nuanced. What are some ways that I can try and keep them from looking like they were copy-pasted into their different roles?

Bullet points!

Unless your world is heavy on the sexism and holds to very constricting gender norms, it shouldn’t make any difference that they’re all women; they should have just as diverse a range of personalities, hobbies, strengths, etc as if they were a group of any mix of genders, so long as the class and cultural diversity doesn’t change.

If your characters are too similar to differentiate between them, then you probably don’t actually need all of them. Any two characters who consistently make very similar choices should almost always be combined. If two characters are in fact making very different choices despite being similar in personality and background, then it might be time to sit down and figure out where those choices are coming from and adjust one of the characters to make the origin of their choices obvious.

In my opinion, quirkier characters are always more fun than un-quirky characters, and there are a million different crazy and eccentric traits you can give your characters to make them stand out. (I have a post about developing side characters here which has a few more, similar concepts.)

Writing in your native language vs English

Hi, I can speak English on a B2/C1 level but it's not my native language. I want to write a novel but idk what language I should write in. I have a poetry blog in English and I used to write stories in English but I feel like something more serious requires wider vocabulary and better language skills in general. I have nowhere to post/publish it in my native language though, so it would probably end up forgotten if I were to write it in my native language:/ what do you think I should do?

I don’t have any advice other than this: You’ll get better at a language the longer to try to write more complicated things in it. If you want to write something more serious in English someday, the only way you’ll get there is by writing something serious is English now, even if you do a poor job of it at first.

Kind words

Anon said: I just wanted to say thank you for that fanfic answer and letting us in on what inspired you. I have an original novel in the works basically inspired by Steve and Bucky and wanting them to eventually build a definite relationship. But I didn’t want to write a fanfic, even though I love fanfic. It turned into a space opera thing

You’re very welcome! That sounds like an awesome space opera, and I wish you the best of luck with it! <3

Anon said: Hi I just saw what you said about writing through mental illness and I just had to tell you that it helped me so much! There is so much power in the advice and motivation you put there, thank you.

I’m glad it could help! I’ve been struggling as a writer (and human) with depression and anxiety for year now, and I’m just happy to share what I’ve learned <3 I’ll admit that some days I don’t... well I almost said I don’t win this battle, but that’s not a mentally healthy way of looking at it. Some days I have to give myself time to recoop. Some days, taking proactive steps towards tomorrow is the best course of action, even if that doesn’t include writing. (And the taking to best course of action is always a successful day, even if you didn’t get to any of the things you wanted to.)

Anyhow, I’m proud of myself for coming this far and I’m proud of you all for growing alongside me!

Anon said: Not an ask, rather a message. Sorry if it's in the wrong place--I'm kinda new. So, yes, I'm a newbie and I found your blog, and I love it! Keep on writing. I'll be looking forward your works. Cheers!

Thank you my friend! (This is exactly the write place. You’re so sweet to take the time to say this <3)

#writeblr #writing asks #ask compilation

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blaindersonkummel · 7 years ago

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Klaine Fic - Think of all the Fellas That I Haven’t Kissed (Part 2)

Chapter 2 title: Sign Your ‘X’ On The Line Written for Days 18 + 19 of Klaine Advent 2017 Prompts: “Stir” and “Talk”

Summary: Dragqueen!Blaine AU. Follows on from the end of chapter 1. Kurt takes Blaine on a sort-of date to the diner next door to the drag bar.

Word Count: 2600 (this chapter) - Read on AO3.

Kurt couldn’t quite believe the way his night was going. Earlier that day he was fully expecting to come to a drag show for a couple of hours, support Elliott’s friend, enjoy a few drinks, and head home after a fun, but not overly ambitious, night out.

What he wasn’t expecting was to be sat across from one of the very queens he had been watching perform earlier that night. On a date, nonetheless.

Kurt stood at the back door of the club, waiting for Blaine to collect her bags from backstage (“Should I be referring to Blaine as ‘her’ when he’s not in drag?”), ready to go on a late night sort-of date. The thought was already beginning to mess with his brain.

He fidgeted where he stood as he thought about how this… thing with Blaine might go ahead. Kurt suddenly found himself in a strange headspace, mulling over the fact that not only did he find Blaine absolutely gorgeous, charming and so so sweet, he also saw that in Honey Bee. A person who, for all intents and purposes, presented as a woman.

But Kurt was gay. Like, really truly gay. He had never been attracted to women before and he was certain he wasn’t now. But Blaine – well, Honey Bee – was making him question all that.

Sexuality crisis notwithstanding, Blaine came bounding out of the door to where Kurt was waiting, coat and scarf on and wheeling two suitcases of clothes, make-up, and wigs along with a big grin on his face.

“I’m sorry I kept you. So, you still up for splitting those fries?”

Kurt was suddenly torn away from his moment of panic when he looked over at Blaine.

Beautiful, adorable, bubbly Blaine with the most warm eyes and kind smile he’d ever seen. How did an eighteen year old manage to exude both such confidence and innocence at the same time?

“Sounds great,” he responded tightly, holding out one hand to offer to wheel Blaine’s bag, and taking hold of Blaine’s free hand with the other.

“…some more ketchup, please? Thank you so much.”

Kurt was yet again pulled out of his daze and back to the present when he realised he had been blanking on Blaine almost since they sat down and ordered. The waitress taking Blaine’s request for more sauce jotted something on her notepad with a bored expression and walked away with a grunt.

Blaine looked down at the bowl of fries on their table then looked up through his lashes at Kurt as he reached forward and took a few in one hand. He then took an individual fry and dipped it into his chocolate milkshake before popping it into his mouth with a satisfied expression at finally being able to eat that night. The move reminded Kurt of the same thing Blaine had done earlier with the cherry from his drink.

“Is there…” Blaine began, an unreadably curious expression on his face. But instead of carrying on his sentence, he seemed to cut himself off and instead moved to dunk another fry to eat. He tried again.

“Is something wrong, Kurt? You’ve been stirring that milkshake for about ten minutes now. In fact, you’ve been acting kind of odd since I left to get my stuff earlier and…” he looked sort of upset now. “I’m sorry if I’ve done something to suddenly put you off, or if I’ve been too forward, or not forward enough, or if I’m too young, or if I’m not really your type or-“

“Woah, hey,” Kurt suddenly jumped to action, unwilling to sit and watch Blaine pass out from not taking a breath. “Hey, it’s fine. It’s okay.”

He laughed a little and stopped stirring, but instantly felt guilty at Blaine’s worried expression.

“It’s, well,” Kurt didn’t really know where to begin with this one, “I’m finding myself in a bit of a crisis at the minute and whilst I do want to tell you “it’s not you, it’s me”, I’m afraid I’d be totally lying.”

Blaine looked taken aback by that and instantly it looked as though tears were springing to his bright amber eyes as he tried to look away.

“Oh. Oh, right, yeah, okay I get it.”

Blaine was trying so hard to hold it together, but Kurt was quick to reassure him.

“Oh, no! No! That came out completely wrong. I should have finished.”

He wrung his hands together and thought to himself. “Ugh okay how do I word this?”

“See, I’m having a bit of a crisis because I… I really like you.”

The tears in Blaine’s shining eyes seemed to subside a little at this and he looked up at Kurt with curiosity.

“It’s kind of freaking me out a bit that I like you so much. For a number of reasons. And I’ll be honest – part of that is me dealing with the fact that you are insanely attractive… as both Blaine… and as Honey.”

Blaine’s face seemed to go pink at that and his eyes widened.

“Oh god,” Kurt instantly felt bad, “Was that offensive for me to say? Ugh, I’m really sorry. I don’t really know how to go about this thing with pronouns and genders and everything.”

Blaine was still pink in the face but he was now smiling widely and his eyes were scrunching at the corners as he made a small giggle.

“It wasn’t offensive, Kurt. I just… do you really think that?”

Kurt was caught offguard.

“Think what?”

“That you find me attractive as… as both me and Honey?”

Kurt knew the answer immediately. Hell yes. He really did.

“Yeah. I do.”

Blaine blushed again and brought his hands up to his face to hide his smile. Kurt was instantly struck by how much he suddenly looked like a child.

“I mean, I’ve heard guys find it an appealing quality but I never-”

“Wait,” Kurt cut him off, instantly curious. “You mean I’m not completely left of field here for freaking out about this?”

Blaine looked sort of taken aback at that.

“Errrr no. Of course you’re not. Drag is a very…” he paused here to find his words, “subversive kind of art form. It’s meant to make people question themselves. I mean, I’ve seen the effect first-hand. I’m fairly new to Cooties but even in the month or so I’ve been there, I have seen it all. Gay men, straight men, bisexual, non-binary, heck even straight and lesbian women, find something attractive about the queens I share a stage with.”

“Huh.”

Kurt was kind of stumped at that. All the anxiety he’d been building inside himself seemed to dissipate rather quickly after Blaine had reassured him that no, he wasn’t weird for finding an instant connection with Honey Bee on the stage and Blaine Anderson off the stage. He started to stir his milkshake yet again.

“I guess, for another thing, it’s not just the gender thing I’ve been thinking about. You’re so young. And I know I’m only 22, but you haven’t even been in the city very long and you already seem so confident. I mean, you’re a performing drag queen! And a damn excellent one! I can’t believe you were doing this in Ohio!”

Kurt took a sip from the milkshake but he didn’t miss the way Blaine bit his lip for a second, looking away the next.

“Ummmm. Well…”

Kurt’s expression shifted.

“You weren’t performing before you came here, were you?”

Blaine looked back now and shrugged with a pained look.

“Elliott told me you’re also from Ohio so I know you’ll understand when I say this. I never performed there. In fact, no-one besides my best friend Tina even knew about the drag thing.”

Kurt was kind of stunned.

“But Blaine, you’re so good! You blew half of those seasoned queens off the stage tonight!”

Blaine laughed a little and sipped on his own milkshake to give him something to do.

“Thank you,” he said once he swallowed, “but I’m just getting started really.”

Kurt looked Blaine over thoughtfully now, sure he was missing something about this mysterious young boy.

“So then how did you start?”

It was a simple enough question but one Blaine froze up at.

“It’s… I don’t know if I should tell you. If the gender thing kind of freaked you out before.”

Blaine was biting his lip again and goddammit, if that wasn’t becoming ingrained in Kurt’s brain as one of the cutest things ever…

“Oh. Well, please don’t feel like you have to tell me anything you’re uncomfortable with. I just want you to know despite how I felt moments ago, I am in no way going to judge you.”

Blaine continued to worry his lip before he took in a breath and straightened himself up in his seat.

“Okay. So, errr, I already knew I was gay from a fairly young age. I came out to my parents when I was fourteen and things were… well, my mom was fine. My dad was, well, not such an easy ride. But they accepted me, at least.”

Kurt was listening with bated breath as Blaine continued, and when it looked like he got kind of stilted at the mention of his father, Kurt didn’t hesitate to slide his hand across the table and wrap it around Blaine’s.

“When I was sixteen I started watching RuPaul’s Drag Race,” he laughed to himself here, “It’s very cliché, I know. But it happened.”

Kurt laughed lightly too but allowed him to continue.

“I thought about it for a while – maybe trying drag. But I started to question myself. At this point, I wasn’t sure what part of drag appealed to me. I became kind of obsessed with…”

Blaine trailed off here and sucked in a breath like he was preparing himself for Kurt’s reaction.

“I became obsessed with the idea of women’s clothing. And one day, when my mom and dad were out, I snuck into my mom’s wardrobe and pulled out the most gorgeous dress she owned, and a pair of heels. I sat on my bed for about thirty minutes before I plucked up the courage to just put on one shoe.

But when I did… I could feel that thing I knew I’d been wanting to feel for a while. So I somehow also managed to get into her dress and the second I had it on, I felt like a different person. You might think that’s kind of the end of it but… well, there’s more.”

Blaine pulled his hand from Kurt’s now and started to bite at one of his nails as he looked down.

“I began to wonder if that feeling was something else. If, maybe, I was suddenly feeling like that was the real me. So, that night, I got online and suddenly I found myself ordering a whole load of stuff which included women’s clothes and…” Blaine trailed off slightly as Kurt leant forward to hear him. “And underwear.”

Kurt was taken aback, not for the first time that night, but he managed to school his expression into something fairly neutral when, in actual fact, something was stirring in him at those words.

“The thing is, when they came, I was nervous. I wondered if putting these clothes on would suddenly spark this thing in me telling me that I was no longer Blaine – but someone else. However, in fact, it actually gets kind of boring here. Long story short, I went all out the next day and… well, I kind of went to school wearing the underwear.”

Kurt’s face must have given a lot away because, if he had been taking a sip of water at this point, the liquid would have probably been sprayed all over Blaine. Blaine laughed at his expression.

“Okay, I admit, so maybe boring isn’t the right word. I just mean, I found out that day that perhaps my gender wasn’t really being called in to question after all. I just happened to be a gay man who felt really sexy and empowered in women’s clothes.”

Blaine stopped here and lifted his milkshake to take a sip like he hadn’t just told Kurt he wears women’s underwear to feel sexy. And Kurt was supposed to act like that wasn’t one of the hottest things he’d ever heard.

“Woah,” he began, still unsure how to continue.

“It’s okay,” Blaine replied, “I understand it’s a lot to take in.”

Kurt pondered it for a second before he couldn’t hold in the questions any more and he had to ask.

“So if you weren’t performing before, how did you get into becoming a queen? Being in drag is about way more than just the clothes surely?”

Blaine’s smile titled up at that and he looked really quite impressed by how Kurt was reacting.

“You’re right, and it’s a good question. The day I realised I just wanted to wear the clothes, I got online right away and watched hours and hours of YouTube videos of drag performances, make-up tutorials, and hell even the documentaries about drag culture.”

“But you didn’t tell anyone?”

“At first. But when I realised how hard it would be to get more clothes and to even buy and hide make-up, I told Tina. She was amazing. She seriously helped me through a very… errr… confusing time. Plus she did my make-up the first time. I still like to think of her as my drag mother, even if she did an absolutely terrible job.”

Blaine laughed so sweetly again and continued eating his weird milkshake-covered fries. Kurt felt kind of sad for Blaine at first, having to keep this thing hidden that he was so breathtakingly brilliant at. But it led him to here and now – an excellent performer in a great drag bar, doing what he loves.

“So, there’s one more thing I’m wondering about. But, y’know, like I said, don’t feel like you have to answer or anything,” Kurt said as Blaine waited for him to continue. “What have your boyfriends thought about all this?”

Kurt pictured many responses from Blaine to this question. He expected maybe he would get defensive and not answer, or he would walk away, or he would calmly explain. What he didn’t expect was for Blaine to laugh out loud and then cover his mouth and look all shy and unassuming.

But still, he waited for an answer which Blaine didn’t give for a good couple of seconds.

“Oh! You’re… you’re not joking?” Blaine asked, eyes wide.

“Errr, no. I’m not,” Kurt suddenly felt uncomfortable again like he really had said something wrong.

“Well,” Blaine began, suddenly shy again, “the thing is… I’ve never… had one.”

“Oh,” Kurt really didn’t know how to carry on after that so he too picked up his milkshake and took a slurp to allow him the time to process.

“But, y’know,” Blaine continued, waiting for Kurt to put his glass down before he slid his hand across the table, palm up, “I’m certainly open to the idea.”

Kurt looked down at the hand and then back at Blaine’s face as, yet again, he did that absolutely adorable lip bite that Kurt was quickly falling in love with. Kurt was definitely becoming totally powerless to that face.

He slid his hand across the table to meet Blaine’s and he smiled.

“So am I.”

#klaine advent 2017 #klaine advent: talk #klaine advent: stir #drag queen!blaine #klaine fic #klaine #my fic

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golbatgender · 7 years ago

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@trentreznor replied to your photoset “loveyblossuhbumble: emdots: PSA This is really important Why...”

@golbatgender i'm trying and struggling very much to understand what exactly you're trying to convey in your reply. i have no fucking idea what you're even saying?

I’m saying that the post is full of dogwhistles--harmless-sounding phrases that actually are code for things most people wouldn’t agree with if stated outright--from reactionary, gatekeeping elements in the queer community (also known as REGs). The numbers in the list I had correspond to each image in the original post.

“LGBT” for LGBTQ, LGBTQIA, or LGBT+: Usually a mark of someone who thinks asexuals and aromantics are straight, and probablyeven harasses them for saying they’re not straight. Probably also hates the word “queer” and thinks it’s much more of a slur than it has been for the last 20 years.

“Fetishizing” fictional characters: Something binary gay men and a lot of anti-kink haters seem to think is a problem but mostly isn’t. I guess it would depend on the fandom, but I see a lot more people shaming women for writing or reading erotica at all (or like...being attracted to men, which I think is mostly biphobes) than I see anything like what “antis” claim the “fujoshis” (read: any person in fandom that I don’t like) are doing. The “examples” given in the post? I have never seen anyone past middle school do anything remotely like that unironically.

Basically, almost anyone complaining about “fujoshis” “fetishizing” “mlm” (and they use “MLM” because they’re the same people who hate “queer”) has taken a look at one of the few genres of literature dominated by women and nb people and has decided to kick the non-men who built the genre and made it semi-respectable and sometimes even lucrative out of it and make make it a Men Only Club now. (It’s like computer science: let women get it started and get it to where it’s fun and workable and can make money, then take it over and stereotype it as a man’s profession, and watch the pay skyrocket.) I hope I do not have to explain why this is misogynistic and absolutely abhorrent. Meanwhile, the rest of the people doing the complaining have been duped by the former group, using their genuine concern for the well-being of queer men.

“Looking past emotional/physical abuse”: There’s an 80% chance that this is trashing completely consensual kink and a 20% chance that the characters are actually bad for each other and the PSA-maker is completely unable to realize that these characters are not real and therefore cannot really be hurt but can possibly be written OOC by fans, and that said fans know that the abusive behavior doesn’t fly in real life. Actually, 100% chance of that last, or whoever made the PSA wouldn’t have bothered.

“Just because they’re the same gender and you consider it hot”: Mature adults realize that a raging trashfire can be hot, but you only want that heat properly contained inside a stove that vents the carbon monoxide outside, not on the floor. “Antis” don’t realize there’s a difference and think all fire is bad. (Seriously, I’ve met three-year-olds with a better grasp of the difference between fiction and reality.) Also, it’s less “because they’re the same gender” and more “Heterosexuality is boring and so these are the only options left because most media doesn’t fucking pass the bechdel test, let alone have compelling female characters.”

“Because the dynamic is evolving and it fits so well, as well as they care for each other”: Not really a dogwhistle, except to say “This is really about which one is more canon, so we’ll slander any ships we don’t like.” With an undertone of “how dare you sexually desire anyone, you filthy woman, which you must be because you’re shipping a ship I don’t like.” There is a reason the term “crackship” exists. Sometimes people ship a ship because they find the characters attractive, and that’s not a bad thing. That’s how attraction works. It doesn’t have to be about canon. (Also, attraction isn’t just “care for each other.” Sometimes it’s “Ugh they’re so annoying but also hot and I want to get in a fight with them and lose.” Homestuck has a pretty good word for this--not surprisingly, because half the plot is meta on fandom culture. Of course you don’t do that in real life because it would be a disaster, but that’s what fiction is for!)

“Only like it because it’s lgbt”: What, all at once? In addition to just using “lgbt” as its own dogwhistle, they’re trying to hide that they only care about gay men (and maybe the bi ones who don’t protest biphobia and only date men). I’m pretty sure the only people who ship things explicitly because they’re queer are the people who are actually queer, or allies who are trying to deconstruct heteronormativity (i.e. the idea that heterosexuality is the default).

“So, respect lgbt characters and couples and stop fetishizing them you nasties”: Says the person who probably treats real people worse than the characters they claim to be defending--who don’t need them to do that, because they’re fictional, unlike the real people this person is hurting. And honestly, I’m just reminded of Donald Trump Calling Hilary Clinton a “nasty woman” on live TV (and still, sadly, getting elected) when they call us that. Their only moral guideline is “I think you’re gross.”

This is a group of people who think that people identifying as asexual is “hypersexualizing” anyone who doesn’t and acting like sexuality is bad, and who are also anti-kink because they think it’s too sexual and violent. They only want sexuality to exist within the narrow parameters of what they, personally, find hot, and if it (or a person) is not at least hypothetically sexually available to them personally, it’s morally wrong. Everything else is just self-justification and a bludgeon against anyone who treats them as capable of using reason. It’s radical feminism repackaged to look like it includes transgender people, and the few adults in the movement are mostly part of a trans-exclusionary hate group who want to get the (much more trans) younger generation of queer people on board with it, or else can’t see past the fearmongering.

So, short version, the post you replied to looks good on the surface but it’s using phrases that actually refer to very hateful ideologies, and the problem it’s talking about doesn’t reallly exist on any large scale. It’s just to trick you into hating people who aren’t doing anything wrong and unwittingly spreading and growing accustomed to hate rhetoric. Oh, and it’s in an inaccessible format so I can’t even copy-paste its shittily-written text into this debunk of it. That’s why it’s bad.

And now I’ve answered this in way more detail and good faith than it probably deserved (though I wouldn’t mind being proved wrong in that respect), because I was pretty clear in what I originally wrote about it. Good fucking night.

#trentreznor #reply #text #orig post

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stonerkat96 · 8 years ago

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Bored so just gonna do em all lol

1: How tall or short do you wish you were? I love being tall but short girls are cute so really idk  2: What’s your dream pet? (Real or not) dragon  3: Do you have a favorite clothing style? Uhhh, i wear like a bunch of different styles, so idk alternative maybe.  4: What was your favorite video game growing up? Barbie as a little girl, there was this cool computer one, n then grand theft auto san Andrés lmao 5: What three things/people do you think of most each day: I hate this question, smoking, J, and what I'm gonna do with my life 6: If you had a warning label, what would yours say? Warning, always honey and like things to be very specific /always asks questions 7: What is your opinion on [insert person/thing here]? ----- 8: What is your Greek personality type? [Sanguine, Phlegmatic, Choleric, or Melancholic].... i don't mean to be bland but, what?  9: Are you ticklish? No, and yes, sometimes ?  10: Are you allergic to anything? Lol jalapeños, codeine and bees  11: What’s your sexuality? Straight, a little bi curious also intimidated by females 12: Do you prefer tea, coffee, or cocoa? Coffee or cocoa 13: Are you a cat or dog person? Both theres no in between  14: Would you rather be a vampire, elf, or merperson? Im already an elf, so there.  15: Do you have a favorite Youtuber? I guess Jenna marbles i don't really you tube much  16: How tall are you? 5'8 17: If you had to change your name, what would you change it to? I honestly don't even know  18: How much do you weigh? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!]. 125 lb 19: Do you believe in ghosts/spirits? 👻👻👻👻👻 20: Do you like space or the ocean more? The ocean  21: Are you religious? Not really 22: Pet peeves? Silverware scratching together, inconsiderate people, people with no manners, bad drivers, dramatic people, preppy attitudes,  23: Would you rather be nocturnal or diurnal [opposite of nocturnal]? Diurnal i love summer  24: Favorite constellation? Gemini  25: Favorite star? North star idk actually  26: Do you like ball-jointed dolls? Yes and no  27: Any phobias or fears? I fucking hate moths not so good with heights  28: Do you think global warming is real? YES HOW IS THIS A QUESTION  29: Do you believe in reincarnation? I have no idea  30: Favorite movie? Oh god, the sound of music is what first comes to mind, I'm sure here many more.  31: Do you get scared easily? Depends??  32: How many pets have you own in your lifetime? 9  33: Blog rate? ------------ 34: What is a color that calms you? Bluueee 35: Where would you like to travel and/or live? Canada, Germany.  36: Where were you born? Vancouver Washington, usa  37: What is your eye color? Hazel, brown  38: Introvert or extrovert? Introvert that tries extroverting  39: Do you believe in horoscopes and zodiacs? Yes lol 40: Hugs or kisses? Hugsss but lovee kisses 41: Who is someone you would like to see/visit right now? Too many to list  42: Who is someone you love deeply? Alexander  43: Any piercings you want? I want my septum back, wish i had to tits to pierce my toung n nipples.  44: Do you like tattoos and piercings? Duuh  45: Do you smoke or have you eiver done so? Ive smoked cigs but quit and i smoke hella kron 46: Talk about your crush, if you have one!  47: What is a sound you really hate? Metal on metal metal on glass the sound of people yelling  48: A sound you really love? Moans, rain, kitten mews  49: Can you do a backflip? No :(  50: Can you do the splits? No 👺 51: Favorite actor and/or actress? Ugh whats her face  52: Favorite movie?.... really  53: How are you feeling right now? Kinda dumb lol  54: What color would you like your hair to be right now? Purple or blue  55: When did you feel happiest? Omg i don't know uhhh  56: Something that calms you down?food, bongs, sex, animals, hugs,  57: Have any mental disorders? [Only ask this if you know the user doesn’t mind!] no ? Not real ones lol  58: What does your URL mean? Anchorite is someone who secludes themselves away due to religious reasoning and ailurophile is someone who loves cats so basically i seclude myself away for cats. Idk i was young when i made this.  59: What three words describe you the most? Sweet, goofy, homebody  60: Do you believe in evolution?  61: What makes you unfollow a blog? User is extremely fake, out for the fame mostly  62: What makes you follow a blog? Cute, energetic, stoners, artistic, relative content to what i post etc 63: Favorite kind of person: happy kind funny energetic out going but not too popular  64: Favorite animal(s): turtles cats dogs  65: Name three of your favorite blogs. @northernmanhood is the only dirty blog i like lmao then @brianna-n-s and @littlewriterman But honestly i have loads of favorite blogs 66: Favorite emoticon:❤️😘🌷😊 67: Favorite meme:i don't have one 😋 68: What is your MBTI personality type?what ????  69: What is your star sign? Gemini  70: Can your dog roll over on command, if you have a dog? Yes but shes getting old 71: What outfit out of all your clothes do you like to wear the most?leggings and a t shirt for comfort and in the summer shorts and belly shirts  72: Post a selfie or two? I have posted many selfies 73: Do you have platform shoes? No I'm tall enough don't wear heels  74: What is one random but interesting fact about yourself? I was born missing half my ear and a bine, causing me too be deaf until i was 7 and had a procedure done :)  75: Can you do a front flip? Yes on a trampoline but i cant land it lol  76: Do you like birds? If there far away and i cant hear them lol  77: Do you like to swim? I love to swim  78: Is swimming or ice skating more fun to you? Swimming for sure 79: Something you wish didn’t exist: depression  80: Some thing you wish did exist: fair healthcare in the usa  81: Piercings you have? None rn 82: Something you really enjoy doing: hiking, smoking, playing video games.  83: Favorite person to talk to: my best friend mariah  84: What was your first impression of Tumblr? Must have lol 85: How many followers do you have? Like 350 86: Can you run a mile within ten minutes? I doubt i could run a mile  87: Do your socks always match? No lol  88: Can you touch your toes and keep your legs straight completely? I mean you're not supposed to lock you knees but yes  89: What are your birthstones? Pearl and alexandrite  90: If you were an animal, which one would you be? A black cougar  91: If a flower could aesthetically represent you, what kind would it be? A tulip  92: A store you hate? Walmart  93: How many cups of coffee can you drink in one day? Uh idk ive never tested it but usually one or two  94: Would you rather be able to fly or read minds? Fly, reading minds would be destructive  95: Do you like to wear camo? Not a hunter so no  96: Winter or summer? Summmmmeeerrrrr 97: How long can you hold your breath for?1 minute lol baby lungs  98: Least favorite person? Lets not go there  99: Someone you look up to: i cNt think of anyone 100: A store you love? H&m lol 101: Favorite type of shoes boots 102: Where do you live? Oregon 103: Are you a vegetarian or vegan? If so, why? Nope  104: What is your favorite mineral or gem? Amethyst or blue sapphire  105: Do you drink milk? I loove milk  106: Do you like bugs? No what who likes bugs lol  107: Do you like spiders? Really no lol 108: Something you get paranoid about? Police! Not being attractive to my partner  109: Can you draw: yeah i can  110: Nosiest question you have ever been asked? This question  111: A question you hate being asked? Do you have a job  112: Ever been bitten by a spider? If you haven't you're one lucky bitch  113: Do you like the sound of waves at the beach? Absolutely love 114: Do you prefer cloudy or sunny days? Sunny. I love clouds.  115: Someone you’d like to kiss or cuddle right now: j. Alex 116: Favorite cloud type: rain cloud ☁️ in the sunset  117: What color do you wish the sky was? The color it is  118: Do you have freckles? No 119: Favorite thing about a person: personality  120: Fruits or vegetables? Fruits 121: Something you want to do right now: go to the beach  122: Is the ocean or sky prettier? Damn good question. The sky  123: Sweet or sour foods? Sweet  124: Bright or dim lights? In between  125: Do you believe in a certain magical creature?unicorns!!! Lol jk 126: Something you hate about Tumblr: blogs that reblog your pictures with nasty captions, and you cant report posts  127: Something you love about Tumblr: the posts  128: What do you think about the least? Lol  129: What would you want written on your tombstone? Lazybonez 130: Who would you like to punch in the face right now? No one atm 131: What is something you love but also hate about yourself? My face  132: Do you smile with your teeth showing for pictures? Sometimes 133: Computer or TV? Computer 134: Do you like roller coasters? Yesss 135: Do you get motion sickness or seasickness? Nopeers 136: Are your ears lobed or attached? Lobed???  137: Do you believe in karma? Sometimes 138: On a scale of 1-10, how attractive would you say you are? 6 139: What nicknames do you have/have had? Sunny. Bug, kyrie, ky ky. Ky kyie  140: Did you have any pretend or imaginary friends? Lol I used to  141: Have you ever seen a therapist/shrink? Therapist in HS 142: Would you say you are a good or bad influence to others? Both just depends on my mood lol  143: Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts/help? Giving  144: What makes you angry RUDE PEOPLE  145: How many languages do you speak fluently? 1  146: Do you prefer boys, girls, and/or non-binaries?booysss 147: Are you androgynous?what  148: Favorite physical thing about yourself: my stomach  149: Favorite thing about your personality: im a nice person 150: Name three people you would like to talk to right now in person. J. Gentry, rachel 151: If you could go back into time and live in one era, which would you choose? Does skyrim time count ??? Medieval lol  152: Do you like BuzzFeed? Sometimes  153: How did you meet your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/partner? [If you have one.] meet me online lmao 154: Do you like to kiss others’ foreheads or hands for platonic reasons? Yes of corse  155: Do you like to play with others’ hair? I like to play with his but he doesn't like it lol 156: What embarrasses you? Not really gonna put that here..  157: Something that makes you nervous/anxious: being unwanted, money, family sickness  158: Biggest lie you have ever told: :(  159: How many people are you following? 1,500 or something i think  160: How many posts do you have on your blog(s)? 4k prob  161: How many drafts do you have on your blog(s)? 4 162: How many likes do you have on your blog(s)?uhh i haven't looked  163: Last time you cried and why: yesterday because my bf snapped at me lmao  164: Do you have long or short hair? Medium  165: Longest your hair has ever been: too my butt  166: Why do you like, dislike, or have neutral feelings about religon? Dislike, controls the mind  167: Do you really care how the universe and world was created? Yes and no  168: Do you like to wear makeup? Yes and no lol haha  169: Can you stand on your hands or head for more than thirty seconds? No :(  170: Did you answer the questions you were asked truthfully? Yes

#bored #questionaire #about me #lol #me

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arbitrarilymine · 7 years ago

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Tuesday, 26.09.17, 18:29

Identities, Intersectionality and Erasure

Often, the identities I have and the way they intersect and interact make me feel like I’m spending too much time thinking (worrying) about them. As a gender non-binary pan-romantic greysexual (yes, it’s a mouthful, I know), I honestly spend a lot of time just... thinking about my gender and sexuality. Why? Simply because they’re not the “norm”, they’re not what people around me typically experience and because of that, I don’t really have any one to talk to about this. Which is why I end up figuring things out myself with the help of the internet. And the internet is, you know, great and wide and all, but it’s also not actual real life human interaction and contact, so there’s always that difference.

But let’s not speak so broadly. Let’s start from each identity and why, everytime I question myself, it feels like I’m doing something rather pointless. Firstly it’s difficult enough to figure out exactly what I want, what I feel, what I am (and not to mention that *that* is subjected to change as I grow older or experience more in life). And the fact that very little people around me can actually understand what I’m experiencing doesn’t help. Sure, they can empathise. Especially the friends who are gender non-conforming or gay or ace, those help. They do. They tend to understand better, because we’re all minorities, so to speak. But do they understand specifically my identity? No, because we don’t have the same ones (and that’s not even crossing over into intersectionality, which I would, in a bit). So, there’s that first bit about feeling lost in my own identity searching, so to speak. And me being gender non-binary... that took me quite a while to figure out, and I’m still not sure if it’s the best term to use, but it’s the best I can find for now, so.

The thing is, I feel uncomfortable when I’m referred to as a guy, which I have been mistaken for, multiple times. I’m generally alright with being referred to as she/her (aka female pronouns), but the moment gender norms on dressing and behavior set in, especially in more formal events like work or school, I... feel very, very uncomfortable being “female” or being expected to dress and behave what’s deemed appropriate for a girl. (Also, I don’t like the word��“woman” being used on me. “Girl” is still acceptable, I think, maybe because I’ve been called that so many times since young that it’s not really uncomfortable.) So yeah, if she/her are pronouns that honor me, but they/them work too... and I don’t feel like I’m a dude, I’m comfortable with my body and I dress in a mostly androgynous style that seems more masculine (but I think is more unisex)... what am I?

And okay, it’s fine to not know. And like, a very common question from people who don’t experience this gender ...dysphoria (though I use the word loosely because it doesn’t cause me extreme distress, but it’s definitely a thing that weighs on my mind from time to time) is, does it really matter? Does it matter if I know whether I’m a girl or boy or woman or man or both or neither or what? DOES IT MATTER? they want to know. And the answer is, it seems like it doesn’t, but it does to me. Even if it’s rather insignificant, like it doesn’t seem to impact my life much... but then again, it does. It causes me discomfort whenever I’m in uncomfortable situations brought about my gendered expectations and like, ok, sure other people experience it too, but maybe the thing is (and the thing I should learn to tell myself is), just because others don’t think it’s an issue doesn’t mean it’s not an issue for you. It’s obviously a thing that’s on my mind, that bothers me, and that’s ok.

I don’t know, I ended up going in a circle to give myself advice. Okay, nevermind, let’s continue while my train of thought is still going.

Pan-romantic. For the last few years, I figured I was pansexual. But recently I’ve started realising I’m more on the grey-end of the sexual spectrum. I don’t experience much ...sexual desires usually, but they do come, once in a while, and stay for a period of a few months? But mostly I think I’m more on the ace end of the spectrum, but also, I read a lot of explicit and mature fanfic/media so it’s not like I’m completely ace either. So basically, greysexuality aside, let’s talk about the pan aspect of my identity. Pan-romantic means I like people, regardless of their gender. I’ll like to believe I’m open to gender non-conforming people, which is why I don’t really use bi (except to make it easier to explain to people), but really, if you count the people I’ve been attracted to, it’s girls and guys. But anyway, let’s leave the door open on gender non-conforming and trans people, because who knows? So I’m pan, but what I’m going to say next is going to sound more like bi-erasure because that’s the more realistic extent of my experiences so far.

Being pan (or “bi”) is like this. I’ve told people. They tend to advice me not to come out “unless I really fall in love with a girl”, as if it’s *lucky* that I’m not straight out lesbian (ignoring for a moment here that I identify as gender non-binary and not female). It’s like, being pan (”bi”) is seen as a, “oh hey, you can pass as straight, so why not use it to your advantage” from the straight crowd, and a “oh hey, you’re lucky to not be as discriminated as us gay/les people because you can hide” and getting kind of a ...discriminated treatment from the gay crowd and just. I get that they’re looking at this from their perspective and pan/bi seems like such a fun place to be but trust me, it’s not. It’s not lucky or what, because those who are straight tend to see me as straight and those who are not will see me as “not gay enough”? And yeah, it doesn’t matter what these people think per se, but it’s being caught in the middle as if I want to that makes it suck. It’s also, dating a dude and being assumed to be straight and having to hide my relationship with a girl because oh hey, we’re not ready to come out. Because, why would a pan/bi person come out? Why would a pan/bi person not go for the “easiest” option (i.e. “straight” which, like dude, that’s such a heteronomative idea, because I like people, not gender). So really, erasure is such a thing and I’m sick of it.

But hey, that’s not the last bit. There’s greysexuality. And also, I forgot, monogamous (because I don’t have enough energy and love for polyamory) and also my current wish to remain single until I feel that I’m ready for a relationship. You see, being monogamous, when paired with being pan/bi means I’ll always be seen as “straight” or “gay” just based on who I’m dating at the moment unless I clarify (But oh hey, I don’t owe anyone an explanation, so I don’t need to explain, but also, ERASURE). And my current desire to remain single brings the question of, does it matter if I’m pan or greyace or what if I’m not even going to be dating anyone?

(The answer is, yes, it does, to me.)

But because it seems the only person this really matters to is me (as it should be, I suppose), it means it’s hard to find anyone to talk to about this. Like, ugh, I know, they can just listen, I don’t have to tell anyone, etc. etc. but. I’m also only human. I can think about all these alone, in my head, but I don’t exist in a void, and I’m just tired of feeling like none of my identities matter and yet I spend so much time trying to figure myself out and just. I don’t know man, it’s a real pain. And it’s also partly the reason why I’d rather be single because one, I can’t figure myself out enough and two, it’s really hard to find someone who can understand or at least accept all these. So far the intersectionality of my identities have made it so that the people I’ve dated don’t... understand or even, at the very least, begin to empathise? And that’s a huge gap in a relationship, at least one I want to be in, and just. I’m tired. Obviously I do want human comfort as well, but for now friends and family are it. Because just. I’m tired.

This is a mess, I didn’t read it through but I’m going to publish it anyway because I think I should.

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