#ugh im so attatched

[sailfish-serum]

Two mimir

[messybouquetoflilies]

ik i need to find myself and rebuild my self confidence that got completely destroyed over the course of my last relationship, but like the little bugs in my brain yearn to jump into another committed relationship that will never go anywhere real

[kamil-a]

yes yesssssss you see my vision.

my general headcanon is that you CAN have long hair at aerolith because we're sooooo nice and respectful to our residents OFC!!!! but you better keep it up in some kind of style lest a sloppy machinery grab hold of it and decapitate you in a manner i will proceed to explain in gory detail.

[ohmygs-blog]

WHAT ARE SOME OF UR FAV FALL K-POP SOMGS

wait crazy cuz i made my autumn playlist a few days ago !! this is probably gonna be long so warning u now <3

def more of a bg listener than gg so i apologize for all the bg songs (but not really tbh cuz they’re all 10/10) also feel like most of my gg favs are more like happy yay #slay and not sad ugh #wanna kms

BUT HERE U GO IM PROB FORGETTING A LOT N IM GONNA BE MAD WHEN I REALIZE TM LOL

girl groups + solo

doughnut by twice (unhealthy attatched)

ditto by new jeans (this was my #1 song for months when it came out not even lying)

hurt by new jeans

sour grapes by le sserafim

the happiest girl by black pink

time after time by boa & wendy & ningning (fav song to scream in the car when i drive by myself)

raise y_our glass by yunjin

only by leehi (isn’t this on everyones tbh)

love poem by iu

boy groups + solo

nct universe

• moon by nct dream

broken melodies by nct dream (every time i hear mark n chenles part i tear up fr like i need it looped in my head 24/7)

• favorite by nct 127 (best song ever idc!!)

no longer by nct 127

the rainy night by nct 127

• faded in my last song by nct u (sad but so sexy sounding)

from home by nct u (DUHHHH)

• try again by jaehyun & d.ear (a classic !!!!!!!)

child by mark

good person by haechan

my other loves <3

• ghosting by txt

run away by txt

maze in the mirror by txt (this was the one i blasted in my airpods on the bus ride to school after covid. like having my own mv vibes)

• ex by skz

another day by skz

slump eng ver by skz (god. this was the song i listened to religiously when i was seriously having the worst time of my life)

winter falls by skz

• pray (i’ll be ur man) by btob (found this bc of kingdom)

missing you by btob

beautiful pain by btob

• inception by ateez (IM IN LOVEEEEE)

• polaroid love by enhypen

• she’s in the rain by the rose (sobbing as i write this)

• sweet night by v (bestie boo)

blue & grey by bts

[prof-polaris]

My sister may not have the best blood with you, Violet but I know she would actually kill me if I didnt send big man over to keep you company until indigo returns.

[Attatched is a pokeball, some care instructions and more than enough food / care items for the Crowen Gyrados.]

I hope Indigo comes home soon, with viv and sprite unconsious right now...

Uh, see ya -Jay (@ask-pokeprofvoid )

Uhhhh. Hmm. Okay. This will be fun. Cause Indigo is terrified of Gyarados, and I'm pretty sure Sprite has beef with water types too...

Ah well. I'll figure something out.

Ugh. That reminds me. I need to...apologize. To your sister when she wakes up. For being an ass. Indigo gave me a full-on lecture once they were right of mind enough to do so (not that i understand Sprite's actions still. im still a bit baffled. s'just a zoroark thing. i dont think i'll ever understand) but I was being pretty dickish so. Yeah.

[nomorelikethat]

wish i could dye my hair purple and always bind and dress goth to school again Like i saw a tiktok about wait let me attatch

and its not because im not gay or whatever iw ill be he they forever but i like to fit in Wow controversial take from kavi!! whatever ugh i just want to accept myself i mean i love my friends so much Yes i do enjoy getting 50 likes on a story INCLUDING from some of the most popular/meanest girls in my grade. but is it worth sacrificing who i am

[viwifey]

https://www.tumblr.com/viwifey/766675079359840256/i-wasnt-prepared-to-see-vi-in-that-outfit-ugh-shes?source=share

im watching ep2 in season 2 rn.. maddie is so cute i love her rn.. i need to stop getting attatched to characters alr bc what if she dies

really liking her rn too!!! all i can say is might as well attach yourself anyways cause it’s already going to be a painful experience as the show continues 😭

[fluffyseal322]

Sat Oct 12

Why did everyone say we can hangout today and then bail on me. I really dont like that. First it was William, he said i can come to the birthday party and then he changed his mind because his family is racist. He says its all jokes and they actually arent racist but no one would actually admit to that. I was so sad to hear! I wanted to see him so badly! He said we'd be able to hang out on sunday but I told him I had work!!!! Then it was sophia but instead of her initiating the invite it was me and she said she couldnt hang out because she had a party to go to. I asked if I could go and she said she'd ask her friend and later on her friend said its a private party :( Then out of the blue.... EM MESSAGES ME TOO, ASKING ME TO HANG OUT... SHE'S NEVER DONE THAT AND WHY TODAY?! But then she said nevermind because Xavier had too many people over :< UGH WHY.. I WANNA CRY WHY DO ALL MY FRIENDS BAIL ON ME. its okay, i do understand why for everyone and i appreciate them thinking of me and trying for me but for some reason i just cant believe they'd actually want to hang out with me :< it hurts a little bit and it probably would hurt even more if i didnt have my cousin over to hang out with. I am glad I got to spend time with him even though he is an ass to me T_T im so glad i dont have a little brother, that shit would be so fucking annoying. ugh, the day was just disappointment after disappointment. I'd hate to say this in regards to my little cousin but i didnt really get to do anything that i really wanted to. I'm happy that he was here to keep me distracted. In a way it was like life giving me his company because life knew today would be kind of hard. Thanks for that, universe.

On another note, something that i just cant get over is the fact that William might hate me. Why did he bail on me 2 times today :((( Did I do something wrong. I DONT UNDERSTAND AND IM SCARED OF LOSING HIM IVE COME SO FAR AND I WAS SO HAPPY WITH JUST BEING HIS FRIEND. WHY AM I HURTING THIS MUCH. WHY DO I CARE SO MUCH. why do i feel all these feelings about him that i cant even talk to him about. we arent close enough yet, i hate it. what do i do... how do i get out of this obsessive mental state. It's okay. I'll be okay. Love is patient, love is considerate... just breathe. i can still combine our interests while he's away. :( i dont want him to go anywhere though..... WILLIAM IM SO SORRY IM SO UGLY FOR YOU I WANNA CRY I WISH I COULD BE PRETTY ENOUGH SO THAT I CAN LOVE YOU HOW YOU WOULD WANT TO BE LOVED AND I TRUST YOUR WAY OF LOVING EVEN IF I DONT EXACTLY KNOW IT FROM A FIRST PERSON POINT OF VIEW. IM SO SORRY IM SO SORRY IM SO SORRY. THERES NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT AND IM TRYING TO LEARN TO LOVE MYSELF TOO.... i dont want to change anything about myself ........ but i know i subconsciously would because of how obsessive i am. i wish things could be so easy and i wish i was able to predict my life. i wish i could see into the future. why does my heart long for you. why cant i be good enough for you? i want to know what you think but we just arent close enough yet. its okay i can come back to you on another time.... i hope i can come back to you, my love. From, this day on (well after tomorrow, because its actually Saturday Oct 12 [11pm], still.) I will learn to let you go. If you get hurt i hope that you can come back to me and i will offer you some guidance and comfort. For now, my main objective is to learn how to get into trading, my Japanese alphabet, and how to get into scuba diving from the very beginning. I'd also like to learn how to heal, this definitely hurts so much. William, i know you probably wont think this but if you are, its not your fault. It's no ones fault. It was just the wrong time in life. I have hope that we will come back to each other! I love you so much, my future beloved. The only way for me to unlearn my attatchment is detachment at all costs, how do I do that without blocking him... should I delete all our messages? :( THAT WILL BE SO SAD... ALL OF OUR MEMORIES WILL BE GONE!!! I DO HAVE AN IDEA THOUGH.... I CAN MAKE A FILE FOR WHATEVER PROGRAM HE LIKES TO USE FOR NOTES. We can combine our notes without speaking with each other. We'll check on each other's progress silently and from a distance. But let me wait until ive detached myself from him first... I'll come back to this part of life.

[sootends]

oh my god i hate my friends partner so much i wanna hang w him more but not when THEY are there.

theyre not funny, they never have anything interesting to talk about- all they ever do is interupt conversations so they can talk abt themself, they are somehow both too friendly and too mean, ugh i just dont jive with them. theyre not a bad person i just dont like being around them at all. and i hate it bc theyre attatched at the HIP to my friend who i DO want to see. i think i just need to be honest with him like bro i love u and i dont mean to disrespect ur relationship, i wanna hang w u more but i cannot stand ur partner.

in all honesty i think they should break up. i dont understand why theyre dating in the first place, TO ME it feels like a relationship of convenience. they dont go together like that, but maybe im seeing things.

their partner keeps talking about having a nuclear family and................. idk how to describe my feelings about this. they keep idolizing the nf sayin shit like "it worked out great for me and my family!" like they didnt rely on maids and nannys, PLUS they keep semi bragging about how my buddys gonna be a dr and theyre gonna be rich and i HAAAAAATTTEEEE IIIITTTT shutupshutupshutuplpshutup HE IS NOT UR PERSONAL MONEY DISPENSER he jokes about it enough that its uncomfortable. theyre from a different socio-eco class u kno? money means smth different to them. it fucks with me.

AGAIN IDK WHY THEYRE DATING my buddy refuses to spend any time and his partners place bc theyre a HORDER and theyre messy as fuck and idk what he expects is gonna happen if they move in together???? like bro this isnt kust going to go away- they are expecting u to work while they stay home u srsly think theyre gonna keep the house clean???? they dropped 200+ dollars on FACEPAINT!!!! FOR A SINGLE EVENT!!!!!!!!!!!! AND they have a MASSIVE tchochky collection that they cant even show to ppl bc all of their shit is still wrapped up bc as soon as they buy smth it goes into The Pile and is never seen again. AND they wont accept any help in cleaning up like....

its so over lol. i love them dearly but im waiting for the day they end it

[npclibrarydump]

thinking about the scene in my head where the crew finally gets their shit together and meets up to plan for the session, like who still needs their planet quests done and who knows where their quest bed is. and discussing how exactly the battlefield is going to be restored, and how the genesis breeding is going. and then theyre wondering how exactly the "win" thing works. if their new universe is at the end...

alexi's pretty blunt "can we take finn with us?" because its not wrong to assume game 'constructs' wont be able to leave the medium.

everyone goes silent while finn sorta deflects and haws his way around a no. he didnt even see the ultimate reward in his own game, and he probably wouldnt have remembered anyway. "but please, dont worry about it. the most important thing is getting everyone to the end in one piece :)" and because hes sweet and atp more attatched to this group than his own co-players

"i really want you guys to win, more than anything" very sentimental and smiley. but piers isnt having any of that. "we. you are a part of this team now finn, if we win youre winning with us."

and more silence bc its awkward and tbh piers and kastri are the ones who know finn the best atp. finn is surprised and has to hide that... he doesnt really feel that way. but he thanks piers and asks frixaa to move on discussing the plans.

piers is more blunt and well, not grumpy but yk. for the rest of that meeting. and afterwards. everyone splits up to go questing and piers goes back home for more tedious insect science. and after floating around checking on the others for a bit, finn ends up on piers' planet like he usually does.

its hard to tell, but piers is upset with him. or something related to finn? he's a grumpy cynical person anyway, but piers when he's really upset is distant and cold, using work as a barrier to the world while he seethes quietly. finn tries to talk to him, just how they normally would, but piers is uhh. yea

neither of them are super 'beat around the bush' people, so finn just asks. "is it about the meeting?" and piers has to put his tools down. "i'm flattered you think of me as one of you all, really. but the reality is that,.. im not even supposed to be here. i'm only... not alive but resurrected, because of a whole lot of glitches that lined up to revive me."

"im not a player here. my planet isnt here, i dont have a spot on either of the moons, there sure isnt a quest bed out there for me. ive no reason to assume ill be able to enter the new universe with you, and i dont want to... pretend that its true."

piers: "you dont know! im not going to delude myself into thinking that either, but you just... dismiss that it could happen... and i dont care whatever the game thinks, youre- ugh" he doesnt usually get this emotional with arguments..

finn is still... listen. its a self worth thing, the only vital thing he did for his session was die. and so far, he hasnt done anything other than provide the information sprites are supposed to anyway. hes a useful messenger, and he's good at talking to people, but hes not a combatant or magic wielder or planner. he knows hes a coward.

"i just... dont want to get anyones hopes up. yours or mine." he says. "and if i cant leave with you, or something else happens- i dont want you all to hesitate in getting the reward you really deserve..."

piers stands up from his desk, "you deserve it too! and theres a difference between... between hoping itll turn out fine and being just... defeatist and cynical!"

finn half laughs. "hm, i thought you were supposed to be the cynical one." piers deflates, that feeling where you know you arent persuasive enough to convince someone to change their mind, especially about themselves.

[meadowrest]

today i helped a cat and we had a goddamn Experience together and i got rly attatched in a way i normally dont, but i had to leave her and now its midnight and im sad?? i miss her and im worried abt a cat i only knew for not even a few hours???

[katarastrans]

wow really wish people didnt put hate in ship and character tags

[dykeferatu]

hhhh i’m getting a psychiatric evaluation on friday and they’re probably gonna try to throw me in inpatient again bc i’m super suicidal 😜😜 but i hope they don’t bc there’s no way i’m letting someone else handle my insulin like... fuck no lol

[mokutone]

Wasnt gonna submit a kakashi cause i figured youd get a bunch already like ur tags said lol. So if someone else hasnt already suggested him then kakashi for that ask thing :^]

hehehehe!!!!

answers under the cut!

favorite thing about them —there's a lot to love abt kakashi if i'm gonna be honest, but the biggest thing for me is that he DOES care for these kids immensely. he drops by naruto's apartment to give him vegetables, he constantly puts himself in danger to protect the kids, on a couple of occasions he straight up ignores + disrespects the hokage just to listen to naruto ramble about ramen. similarly with yamato—even when sai joins the team, kakashi does make a point of telling sai he's a member of the team, not just Yamato's responsibility, but Kakashi's too...like. he's not great with kids at all. but my god does he try!

least favorite thing about them — 100% the convo with sasuke before sasuke booked it. he fucked that up so royally that i just know the rest of his life he's going to be laying awake in his bed thinking "why did i say that? why did i say any of that? why was my first instinct in that situation to belittle sasuke? Who let me be in charge of children. why did i let myself be put in charge of children." like. it makes sense for him, he really has no children skills, but also im not going to lie thinking about that scene makes me insane. i want to attack kakashi. good god dude, you could've called gai in!! or tenzō!!! why did you say there was nobody in your life who mattered to you. why did you say that to this kid, who like it or not, looks up to you both as a teacher and as the only person left with any attatchment to the uchiha clan + the sharingan, who isn't his murderous brother. i genuinely have to think that he forgot that kids want to be understood, and was just straight up dealing with sasuke as he might a rogue soldier. i'm so. ugh. kakashi... favorite line — "In the Ninja World, those who break the rules are scum, that's true...but those who abandon their friends are worse than scum." its really good for not only understanding kakashi but also the central theme of naruto, but mostly i picked it as my favorite because i remind kate of this when we're playing fortnite + laugh like a hyena afterward. brOTP —okay so. Gai is canonically Kakashi's best friend and i love that so much and respect that and as far as Kakashi is concerned, that is the absolute brotp. If you like Kakashi I think you have to respect this immensely. Gai is without a doubt the most important relationship that Kakashi has!!! they better each other in all ways and they have an undying and complicated friendship built up over decades with trust and dedication.

but also.

this is transparently a Yamato-centric blog, and Kakashi is 100% Yamato's favorite person, so Yamato and Kakashi's friendship is the most important to me personally, even if Yamato is not Kakashi's best friend.

OTP —i'm not a huge ship person, but if i had to pick one it would be kakayamagai nOTP —ehhh?? i'm not a huge ship person. kakaobi puts me on edge a bit i guess? really not my thing. random headcanon — i think his grandmother on sakumo's side was an inuzuka. because of this, after sakumo died, a handful of the inuzuka clan were very adamant that kakashi, by right, should belong to the inuzuka clan as next of kin. kakashi, five years old and freshly traumatized, now the only surviving member of the hatake clan AND incredibly wary of bonds and friendships because he's seen whats happened to sakumo, contested this. they actually got in a legal dispute in front of the hokage. fucking five year old kakashi dully but determinedly saying he's Not going to be an inuzuka, and the inuzuka clan (represented by a headstrong teenage tsume) going "what's is wrong with this ungrateful kid! not every orphan gets this kind of opportunity!" eventually hiruzen sided with kakashi, because hiruzen is morally bankrupt and doesn't care if children raise themselves. once kakashi becomes the 6th hokage, he's subject to occasional visits from tsume where she comes to bully him about visiting the inuzuka compound (under threat of inuzuka clan rebellion without. Peace Talks. over dumplings that kiba's been trying to perfect), and telling him how nice it is to have an inuzuka beneath the hat, and he's just like. ma'am...please...have mercy...

unpopular opinion — i think he would look soooo bad in a suit. he would not look suave or sexy. he could make like the fanciest most well made three piece suit look like a tracksuit he pulled out of the laundry before it went thru the wash. and like. he would! he would delight in that! if you forced this man into a suit, he would purchase one at least two sizes too large for him and hed slump around in it.

he has the hair of a half dried paintbrush, the posture of a puppet with its strings cut, and the general vibe of a dog with a tail between its legs.

not to say that can't be attractive to u if ur into that. its just. u know. he's not going to be james bond if you put him in a suit, u feel me?

he's going to look like a temp who is going to get let go from his accounting firm for making all the cups of coffee from the same keurig pod not realizing that after the first one its just vaguely coffee flavored water, and also for not knowing how to save a file. He probably would know how to save a file but just pretended he didn't to get on somebody's nerves

song i associate with them — Why Can't This Be Easy by Red Vox

So tell me, tell me Why can't this be easy? I've heard it once I've heard it all before So settle down Relax yourself, completely You can't get down if you're always in control

Here out so far It's a long way Long way back I've never been so far before

favorite picture of them

this one legitimately makes me rlly happy bc like. the original context was funny enough, but since trans naruto tumblr has had fun with it in regard to passing, its SO funny to me!

you pass. 💛

[kaleidosouls]

I love your Pearl redesign! I also love that you gave her a more motherly personality, cause Steven deserves a Mom! 💖 (I know he had Garnet in canon, but still)... But is your Pearl still an inventor and knight, like in Canon? 💜Also, what is your Pearl’s relationship with Amethyst, since they don’t argue like in Canon? 💙And how does your Pearl feel about Greg, since the crush on Rose/Pink isn’t there?

thankyou so much!!! this made my day ;w; im answer your questions so apologise that i literally am clinically like, unable to be brief. god how i wish i knew how. i ended up going into way more detail and writing than what you asked so im sorry for using your questions as writing prompts sdgkj

she's still an inventor and knight, and insecure about these traits since they were developed over thousands of years and not what she was made for. rose just thought of her as another joining her forces while pearl could only see it as a transfer of ownership, so in a way she saw learning those skills as a way to be a better servant for rose's cause but no one had really Asked her to pick up arms or technology, she was simply interested in those things without realising it herself. im sure shed be similarly enamoured with the concept of knighthood as it's a more glamourized form of servitude.

pearl and amethyst would have similar like, butting heads in canon except pearl isnt berating and diminishing amethyst like she did, but still a sort of like shes telling or trying to encourage amethyst to 'do her chores' and amethyst hates it and is dramatic about it. pearl is clearly very ocd driven but more meek so she'll tell amethyst, please pick up those things on the floor and amethyst going UGH I HATE IT HERE, its something that over time does make amethyst feel like shes improper but pearl isnt too prideful to not stop when amethyst asks her to, and amethyst learns over time to be more considerate with pearl than just make a fuss every time cause pearl takes it very seriously. pearl still tries to do things she seems helpful sometimes without asking like tidying up a few things in amethyst's room which makes her mad and pearl doesnt understand why but is actually distraught when she makes amethyst unhappy

they are very much still a sort of opposites to eachother but pearl has a more introverted personality, shes more easily embarassed by amethyst's antics than offended. she like cares deeply about her bc she and garnet basically 'raised' amethyst over the hundreds of years since they found her in kindergarden. amethyst has is jealous of both pearl and garnet being so 'put together' and it makes her question herself but shes not in suicidal depression like she is in canon (where she talks about literally not asking to have even been born)

i think further on in canon after some development with steven too theyd get a lot closer and learned to work some of their differences where pearl has learned to 'let loose' some more and amethyst has grown more responsible. pearl needs to learn to exist For herself and not depend on anyone else for her worth and amethyst wants to form an identity for her own and she needs to accept her own flaws and that relying on other people doesnt make her lesser.

wrt greg, i could see pearl initially being very awkward around him. like moments in canon where she like, ducks behind garnet around greg and such except wtihout the context of 'ew the Disgusting Useless manthing that STOLE my gf' and more like, oh no one of the alien people >< greg is such a loose chill guy and itd bump against her neat and tidy outlook, but she would grow to like him and find him fun. i believe All the gems become torn on how to feel about greg when like, rose becomes more attatched to him than them, pearl would specially not understand and feel frustrated why she cant come along on 'dates' because shes used to being around rose as much as possible, rose presumably having already had flings with humans but like, in secret from the others. greg would also be like, Greatly insistent on letting her act in servitude towards him and become upset by her trying to act like what to him is like a maid or something worse, something pearl wont be able to understand for a while until after she sorts this out with steven.

wrt the whole, giving birth to steven, im torn on how to change it in the sense it still doestn Fully make sense to me how it happened anyway but, i feel like pearl would be so shocked she wouldnt really process the depth of what was going to happen until it did. greg should bring up the living conditions for the baby and theyd probably get the house in the temple built before steven's birth, rose finds the idea of the house super endearing but amethyst is the one who suggests greg should 'just move in', and no one has really any complaints about that. (bc theres no valid reason he adn steven couldnt live in a house when they could just build one anytime anyway?? greg is litearlly homeless and poor?? i think rose wouldnt even think to consider that greg's life is difficult, but when greg brings up all his anxieties about raising a baby, the rest of the gems were definitely concerned)

when it happened pearl went throw stages of depression where shes denying rose is really gone because shes just shapeshifted into this baby thing, and unable to really reach or talk to rose or see her over time makes her frustrated and angry and upset in a way not even the gems had ever seen her, where she butts heads with greg who similarly ends up having an outburst because hes in so much grief and he didnt really Want her to be gone and they couldve jsut adopted a human baby but he felt he had no right to deny her the right to have a kid if thats what rose wanted. pearl has a similar thought to canon that if they just pull the gem out rose would come back before snapping back into herself and seeing how everyone is grieving and in pain and that like, Thud in her gut that she really is gone, for real, like she might as well have been shattered, and sinks into a very long depression where shes near catatonic similarly to how she was when losing her diamond. she floats through the motions and does whatever anyone tells her to do but doesnt really talk anymore. everyone else is going through their own like, ways of processing and coping with this and they really dont know how to support each other, and garnet doesnt want to push pearl into fighting because shes barely there mentally so she ends up spending a lot of time in the house with baby steven, with greg picking up working in the car wash like in canon bc hes broke and has a son to raise. i think this is where shed actually pick up the habit of watching steven sleep, this has just ocurred to me sdklgj idk why she does in canon other than canon pearl is a freak but while steven is like an infant and pearl is too depressed to do anything she starts to just watch steven and babies sleep most of the time. greg like, rants out loud to pearl whenever hes home, which is fairly often anyway, like walking himself through the steps of baby 101 and she kinda just watches it almost absentminded, but thanks to her gem processing she Is absorbing most of what greg is saying to her, she just doesnt react much. greg also starts to ask her for help more and let her help with chores which she greatly takes to because its like thank god something to fullfill my self worth and give me something i can do. i think this is what gets her slowly becoming more active again because of settling into a parent routine and caring for a baby gives her more than enough things to do. shes intially scared of even touching steven like he will break, and theres a lot of like, alien doesnt know how human babies work moments, but she starts to absorb herself in parent 101 books and knocking at vidalia's door with a questionaire and becoming familiarised with baby stuff. itd probably get to the point greg has to like pry steven from her bc steven is His son you know. i think pearl and greg would probably end up becoming pretty good friends through this experience, honestly. same with garnet and amethyst. greg would take a much more active role in steven's life than having to distance himself bc of 'gem stuff', he would also raise steven to love music the same way in canon.

i think while pearl and greg wont get along 100% of the time, as their personalities dont quite meld, theyd be a pretty good co-parenting duo. greg would teach pearl a lot about humans that she had no idea about and she takes his lessons to heart, often Too literally, and he has to clarify things to her later. she would share the feeling from canon that humans seem 'very fragile', speciallyafter spending time with a baby. she probably became really horrified at all the horrible ways babies could crack their skulls that contributed to her overprotectiveness of steven later. as well as her mentally transferring her servitude from rose to steven. i think many people would regularly assume pearl to be steven's nanny or maid than a mother bc thats how she acts like, which like upsets steven when hes in his teens because he wants her to be his friend, not his maid.

anyway no one is gonna read all of this but tahnk you sdlgkjs oh and to add, while i dont want pearl to have a crush on rose i believe she would idolize/admire her in a way people could interpret as crush-like but i want her to feel about rose as platonically as garnet and amethyst do. like its simply not a romantic thing bc in canon she is Literally her owner and in my au pearl thinks of her as such.

[bananaman-mp3]

five

mare runs away and takes injured gisa home, running away because she cant face her mom and dad and- god… poor girl. gisa was the best chance their family had to better conditions… and maybe she didnt tell gisa to do it but she was the one that asked her for help, obviously she would feel all the guilt, all of it.

she settles near a tavern and pickpockets the drunk ppl thats stumble out for a while, because she cant bring herself to go home. one of the men catches her and gives her “a silver tetrarch worth one whole crown”. naturally, mare is completely taken aback. when she asks he says that she needs it more than he does. its nice to see mare is shown kindness at last. its probably really strange for her and that why she has such a hard time thanking him.

so now this mysterious dude asks her if shes from the village and if shes going back. mare makes a show of being a little bastard by retorting like every question he asks is stupid. mare mentions she makes him nervous which hmm.

so he expresses his concern about her making everyone in the bar go bankrupt and offers to… walk her home i guess? and his name is cal! mare keeps giving himthe cold shoulder lmao. on the other hand, this guy seems nice!

she tries to shut him up when he tries to do small talk by mentioning his nice payment, and that brings her to tell him she has no job and will be drafted when she turns 18. he wonders out loud if she really couldnt avoid it. she says stealing is the best she can do, but that gisa has a job- and remembers not anymore. fuck, that hurt huh.

she breaks down and vents about how horrible she feels- for hurting gisa, for stealing from her own people, for everything shes lived through, probably. cal listens, and gives her another coin, tells her how sorry he is and goddamit im already attatched to him. also i made the mistake of opening the book on the last page and read his name yesterday by accident so i have more reasons to keep liking him. ugh.

cal leaves her at the edge of the village- it makes him uncomfortable- and she walks back home alone. she finds her dad outside- apparently for the first time in a while, checking why the powers out. we are reminded of his prosthetic(?) lung, and mare wonders if gisa will need something for her hand too, now.

they both fumble around the utility box to get electricity to work, because it broke. she mentions how both her and her dad are are avoiding her mom, how they are both tired and angry at the world they live in, until mare does something.

ive noticed this before, when she was fleeing the silvers in summerton. there was a vague allusion to the guy that attempted to drown her being electrocuted. im pretty sure it was just the mention of flashing lights or something and then the dude fainting- lemme look it up: “My head smacks the stone bottom and i see stars, sparks, before my vision clears. Every inch of my skin feels electrified.” …huh. not so subtle then, i guess. i knew bc of the description behind the book that she discovers she has powers despite being a red. but wow, electricity, huh? nice.

anyway, back to the read. she says she think she touched an exposed wire and got pricked by the thing, but the porch light lit up. it was definitely her.

she and her dad head back inside, an mare mentions how her mom would be happy hes going out. she also mentions nowadays he repairs trinkets for kids, even if he barely works. he asks her not to tell her mom. he doesnt want to give her hope that hes getting better when hes not. he doesnt think hell ever get better. thats… hm. war really does things to one. she agrees, they both wish things were better.

she feels the impotence again when seeing gisa sleep restlessly with her bandaged hand still over a pile of clothes. and at this point i realize that they probably cant even afford medicine. that hand is hurting like a bitch. and gisa has to try and sleep through it. what the fuck.

mare opens shades letter- oh yeah, that happened, even before kilorns master died -and catches the same phrase farley said in the video on her brothers letter. he is in the scarlet guard. oh…