#ugh but son and dads relationship Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[s-ccaam-era-crepe]

I love deviser so much btw <33

[chiroptaro]

Hey! Who are your top 3 action webtoon characters (doesn't have to include main character) and why?

gives u a big hug when i saw this ask i yelled out loud ty SM for asking . i had to think long and hard about this one bc honestly there are SO many amazing characters to choose from augh!!! okok im gonna put it under a read more bc i went a little overboard my bad 🤧

slight spoilers(?) for viral hit, teenage mercenary

3. kayden from eleceed!!!! okay first of all shoutout to casein nitrate for being the funniest fuckin concept ive ever read in a webtoon oh my GOD. when he was in human form for the first time in front of the gang and ilhyuk and was like "why arent they giving me treats.." I WAS ROLLING OH MY GODDD. THE WAY HE INTERACTS W PEOPLE IN HIS CAT FORM IS HYSTERICAL. anyways as a character i rlly rlly like him because of how much he. cares about jiwoo like that's LITERALLY his son that's his little boy the found families in eleceed have me sobbing all day theyre so important to me. i also like him because of HOW STRONG HE IS?? LIKE HE'S SO YOUNG BUT HE'S RESPECTED BY EVERY AWAKENED BC OF HIS STRENGTH LIKE OMG. also he is so so gender im so jealous of him and kartein UGH. speaking of kartein him and kartein's relationship is great to me bc they bring out dif sides of each other that r super cool to see !! also theyre hilarious together . kayden's funny and he looks cool AND he kicks ass AND HE'S A GRUMPY DAD FIGURE like it does not get any better than this.

2. ijin from teenage mercenary/mercenary enrollment !!!! this one is my fav webtoon of all time 💓💓 i adore ijin because like...even after all he's been through and how grim and immovable his life has made him, he's still so so gentle with his grandfather and little sister. he loves his family so so much and it makes me ILL. speaking of his family i adore just how many families he HAS like he has the numbers, major kang and all them (his relationship w them has me absolutely dead on the floor the amount of rants ive gone on abt them is frankly worrying), dusik cha n his right hand man, and ofc his grandpa and dayeon!! he's so caring that he creates such strong bonds with so many people and they become irreplaceable in his heart and he would do absolutely anything to protect them. he puts the people he sees as family over EVERYTHING in his life and once a person has become part of his fam he becomes super protective of them <3 an example of that is once he knew that jiyeh was engaged to major kang, who was the first person to really help him understand what family means, he immediately added her to the ppl to be protected and went super far to protect her when she got kidnapped because he knows she's special to major kang!! someone in the comments said "his in-law!!" and that had me sobbing on the floor bc he got so excited and felt like he had to be cool in front of her AUGHH. he's such a sweetheart while also being an incredible and badass fighter and that combo is my fav kind of character 🫶🫶

1. MY ABSOLUTELY FAV IS TAEHUN FROM VIRAL HIT/HOW TO FIGHT. me and my buddy literally rant to each other all the time about him every time he shows up we're kicking our feet twirling our hair giggling.... i haven't finished his backstory arc (im paused at the beginning of it i've had to mentally prepare myself) but i like him bc he's really passionate abt taekwondo and was ready to teach it to hobin even tho he said he would beat the crap out of him the next time he saw him ... imo this was the turning point for them and if hobin hadnt gone to him to learn the back kick taehun wouldnt have become such an integral part of the hobin yu company(lol). i also rlly love that he was determined to start a newtube channel even tho he thought it was embarrassing aughh it was so cute!! also he watches hobin's streams and is visibly super proud of how far he's come and i think thats rlly sweet <33 i also love him bc he's incredibly gender like i wish i was him so so bad the mullet and the style and the LIPGLOSS AND MASCARA AND EYELINER and the snark and the asking for 500 won thing he's so frickin cool im obsessed with him AUGH!!! i just think he's super cool. another reason is bc of how obviously fruity that guy is like oh my god he cannot be normal for 3 seconds every time he's trying to intimidate someone he has to get all up in their personal space like,, be fr. when he first confronted yeonu(?) did u see that pose bruh what was that. every time his fangirls show up in v-hit's chat im like theyre LITERALLY me i could not relate to them more honestly. i made him an entire pinterest board . the entire reason i started reading v-hit was for him bc my friend told me abt how cool he was and i just had to get in on that so,, yaya !!! he exceeded my expectations a thousand times and ilhsm

^ some of my fav taehun scenes altho every single panel he's in has me blushing and giggling 🤭

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

frankenstein from noblesse!! he's so badass and i love his hair and he's so loyal he just. aughh even tho the gang pisses him off sometimes he still cares for them sm

mr na from get schooled/true education!! he cares so so much abt the kids and helping them and he really wants to defend his fiancee and prove that she was right to say all kids can change <3

gerard from weak hero...he is so special to me i love how old man he is. he sleeps in bushes and enjoys slapstick comedy he's just like me fr!!! i just love him soo much smth about these guys who fight w kicks 💓

[jess-rewatches-prodigalson]

Sun and Fun (S2, E12)

I can’t believe FOX has cancelled this absolute masterpiece of a show. I’m devastated. I’d like to think we’ll get picked up by another network for season 3 but I’m a pessimist and I don’t want to get my hopes up. I’ll be hanging around the fandom either way though. 

My time-stamped thoughts for this episode are below. As always I reference Malcolm’s mental health. A lot. So if that’s going to be a trigger for you, don’t keep reading.

SPOILERS AHEAD:

0:20 - Malcolm losing it in Martin’s cell? *chef’s kiss*. 1) excellent performance by Tom. 2) This is the Malcolm mental health content I subscribed for. This is Malcolm feeling overwhelmed, helpless, worthless, and frustrated all at the same time. This. Is. Wonderful. And. Realistic. This is what overwhelming anxiety (especially if you have an anxiety disorder) can feel like. It builds and builds until all of a sudden you’re consumed with all this nervous energy and frustration and it all turns to rage in an instant. But you’re not angry at other people. You don’t want to hurt anyone. That rage is just self hatred because you hate that you feel this broken and your stupid brain won’t function normally. 

0:33 - annnnd then when the excess nervous energy is spent but that feeling of self-hatred, despair, and fear still remains - you’re physically exhausted and 7/10. times you cry. Again, crying because of how stupid you feel for your little rage outburst, for how stupid you feel for feeling this terrible all the time. Malcolm is depicting a severe anxiety episode perfectly (in my experience) and THIS is why FOX is moronic for cancelling the show. The gorgeous and accurate depictions of mental health in Prodigal Son is unprecedented, truthful, and heartbreaking. It’s like nothing else on television. 

0:50 - This kind of hurts. Look at how cautiously Dani enters the room. Almost as if Malcolm is a wild animal she doesn’t want to scare. It makes sense given the state of the room she just entered and how completely openly and uncharacteristically vulnerable Malcolm is. I will say this though, despite how cautious she is, it’s obvious that she cares about Malcolm more than whatever happened before she walked into the room.

 1:03 - “So all eyes are on his head case son right?” This line is a direct quote from Malcolm’s anxiety disorder and depression. This is how you feel about yourself when in the middle of an anxiety episode when you’re also depressed. BUT OUR GIRL DANI!!! <3 This girl looks confused and concerned to hear Malcolm diss himself like that. The fact that she tries to comfort him when he’s in this state, makes her an absolutely A++ friend. 

1:11 - “No one cares about that.” “I CARE. I can’t live like this.” This scene resonates with me so so so much. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been 100% aware of how irrational my anxieties are and simultaneously 100% unable to do a damn thing about it because I’m too scared of who I’d be without the fear. Because I’ve defined myself by my anxieties for so long that it’s become the only definable element of my personality visible to me. I’m getting that vibe from Malcolm. I’m sure that’s exactly how he’s feeling right now.

1:30 - “That’s not what scares you. What scares you is living the rest of your life without your father in it.” Dani knows and I felt personally called out. THIS EMOTIONAL WHUMP IS GIVING ME LIFE. <3

1:39 - Look at our floppy haired, devastated boy. :( <3 I’m genuinely shook that he didn’t have a full mental breakdown this episode (but it’s coming....it’s inevitable at this point :) ). ALSO the look of absolute love and concern Dani is shooting towards Malcolm? Absolutely perfect. <3

1:51 - I genuinely find it so interesting that Malcolm keeps referring to “The Surgeon” as “Martin”. If you read my thoughts on 2x11 you know I think it’s because Malcolm has separated ‘Martin Whitly’ into three separate people in his head. “The Surgeon” = the serial killer who traumatized him and ruined his childhood. “Dad/Father” = the man who loved and cared for baby!Malcolm. But “Martin” = unknown. Malcolm doesn’t know who Martin is yet and it scares him. 

1:58 - “For once in your life slow down and acknowledge what this is doing to you.” !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love this line. So. So. SO. MUCH. <3 <3 This is the kind of comfort Malcolm needs. SOMEONE needs to tell him that he’s breaking, it’s not his fault, and he doesn’t deserve to suffer for Martin.

2:07 - annnnnnd Malcolm has gone full crazy-person string murder board. He’s right but he’s still acting like a manic crazy person. Like, a real one. Not his usual manic behaviour. This is straight up - this boy needs medication, a nap, therapy, and a doctor. Now.

2:34 - Ugh. This whole cop/Vivian scene made my skin crawl. So gross. So creepy. I hate Capshaw. So much. This woman is manipulative, evil, and so so creepy. The cop was also gross. But I 100% thought she was going to kill the cop because this felt like an opening scene to Criminal Minds. 

4:38 - “THEY WERE HAVING SEX.” hhahahahahahaha holy shit. This is both hilarious and really upsetting (not just because Martin/Capshaw is NASTY). Malcolm is manically, yelling about his theories in a room full of people who love him. He sounds crazy. He’s acting crazy and Dani, JT, and Gil are just staring at him with a mixture of disbelief, concern, and sympathy. <3 It’s heartbreaking. Malcolm is an inch away from a mental breakdown. I’m here for it. 

4:49 - “TMI bro.” <3

 5:05 - Ugh. This breaks my heart. The team doesn’t think Malcolm is crazy. They just know he’s at the end of his rope. The looks they’re exchanging aren’t based in anger, contempt, or a lack of trust. They’re based in concern and I LOVE IT. 

5:21 - LOOK AT OUR BABY. He’s breaking. He’s so close. :( Look at how desperate he is to find Martin. 

5:35 - “That’s exactly what it means.” “Gil, please. You know how much I need this.” THIS HURTS. Gil isn’t angry here - he’s frustrated and scared for Malcolm. And Malcolm? This boy is toeing the line of a full breakdown in front of 3 of his favourite people - that’s out of character for him. Despite the shaking hand and general mania - Malcolm usually refrains from raising his voice in front of Dani and JT. He tries to stay calm-ish so he doesn’t get labelled as ‘violent’ like his serial killer father. 

 5:39 - “StOp. I am scared.” Dani knew exactly how to diffuse the situation. Malcolm can be manipulative and dysfunctional but he never wants to scare people (at least, not unless they’re suspects or obstructing justice). 

5:46 - “I’m not ordering you this time. I’m begging you.” Papa!Gil’s seen Malcolm like this before. SO WHY IS NO ONE HUGGING MALCOLM?!?! The boy is clearly coming apart at the seams. 

5:48 - Malcolm’s reaction to Gil sending him home is gorgeous. He looks sad, betrayed, and resigned. It’s as though he’s convinced himself that the team doesn’t trust him or care about him anymore. He doesn’t walk out angry. He walks out sad and determined. Head held high but eyes full of grief. 

5:54 - I’d give anything to have heard the conversation between Dani, JT, and Gil after Malcolm left the room. ANYTHING.

6:02 - “He thinks I’m a liability.” No. Not exactly. He thinks Malcolm is in the throws of a mental health crisis and that he shouldn’t be responsible for catching his serial killer father. Again. 

6:15 - “I support Gil’s decision. That does not mean I want your father dead.” #coparenting but also, true. I honestly don’t think Jessica wants Martin dead. I think she wants Ainsley and Malcolm to be happy and free from Martin but not dead. She knows that Malcolm might never recover from Martin’s death with all of his unanswered questions and suppressed childhood trauma. She also knows that Ainsley would always resent being prevented from bonding with her father. I think Jessica still loves Martin - well, the man she thought she married. Jessica doesn’t care for Martin Whitly. But she loves the man he pretended to be and even though she knows he wasn’t real - she doesn’t want him to die. I think she wants him to disappear (maybe get transferred to a prison in a different state?) but she doesn’t want him dead. That would make her no better than the serial killer (in Jessica’s mind anyways).

6:25 - “You have become consumed by this Malcolm.” Check out the side eyed look Ainsley gives Malcolm. She’s jealous. Her brother is on the verge of a mental breakdown but she’s jealous of the attention he’s getting from Jessica. I get it - Jessica hasn’t been the best mom to Ainsley. BUT GIRL, gain some perspective. Don’t you care about your brother?!?! That should trump the jealousy for a few minutes at least. 

 6:35 - “I love you.” <3 <3 <3 I’m going to cry. This might be my favourite Jessica+Malcolm moment to date. So precious. 

6:43 - THIS. “I love you. Both of you. More than I hate him.” This is why Jessica doesn’t want Martin dead.....but she also doesn’t care if he lives. I know that sounds like a contradiction but it’s a real thing and if you’ve never felt that way about someone - I pray you never have to. 

7:06 - “Then she’s a victim.” .....I disagree. Capshaw had a (weird and manipulative) consensual relationship with Martin. She has as much of an agenda as Martin (although, Jessica didn’t know that here). Capshaw isn’t a victim. She’s not being compliant with Martin as a form of self-preservation or fear. She’s doing it because she’s a manipulative crazy person who is in love with a convicted serial killer. 

7:45 - I’ve never felt this unsettled while watching Prodigal Son. Capshaw showing her true colours is so so so disturbing. This woman is insane (with all the stigma). The dress. The martini (Jessica’s favourite drink?). The fact that she dressed Martin up in a suit. The music. The weirdly elegant wheelchair. The lovey way she’s talking. It all makes my skin crawl. 

8:33 - OMG. What’s wrong with me? Why do I feel bad for Martin Whitly?!?!?! 

9:55 - JESSICA AND MALCOLM doing a rich person ambush tag-team IS AMAZING. <3 

9:57- How sad is this? 23 years and Jessica still can’t walk into a room without people whispering and judging her behind her back. :( This woman keeps her head held high - despite the pain she must be in - she’s a superhero. Change my mind. 

10:30 - "Malcolm Whitly? You're.." I have this headcanon that the general public assumes Malcolm is dead. He changed his last name and fell off the grid. People treat Jessica like a social pariah so she wouldn't be able to tell them otherwise. And sure, Ainsley referred to Malcolm in the present tense during her Surgeon interview but how many people actually watched it actually paid attention to that little tidbit after Martin went full blown psychopath on camera? Plus, no one really cares about the Surgeon's son enough to look him up 23 years later. At least, no one who matters.

11:25 - Like mother, like son. You can't change my mind. They have the same manipulation style. It's justice based and determined. Ainsley and Martin's style? Vindictive and self-serving. 

11:30 - Oh look. ANOTHER CONTINUITY ERROR. WHO PROOFREADS THESE SCRIPTS?!? I CAN’T KEEP OVERLOOKING THESE. For God’s sake. Send copies of the script to fans who sign NDAs or something. At least we know what happened in previous episodes. 

12:33 - "Gross." I'm with Ainsley on this one.

12:45 - "My assistant." "Long suffering". hahahha omg. I love this for two reasons: 1) it's hilarious 2) it's true. Malcolm literally disposed of a body for Ainsley. He's her assistant and he's suffered for it.

13:05 - Yo. This dude is whack. Like this is some serious Stockholm's syndrome going on here. Vivian is his hero?!? .........I can't.

13:55 - Why do the gifts Vivian sends Zeiger look like human bones? Damn this is twisted. This is like some sort of twisted serial killer pseudo-trophy situation?

14:52 - "I don't think Vivian is the victim here. I think our father is." Yikes. This is not going to help Malcolm's mental stability. At all. He's been trying to fully accept that his father is a serial killing monster who was literally never capable of loving him for the past 23 years. BUT NOW our boy has taken the role of 'good son' (prodigal son is you will) and has returned to his 10 year old mentality "I love dad. Dad loves me." and 'dad' is in trouble. Malcolm is trying to save his serial killer father and the emotional and mental hoops he's jumping through are terrifying, complex, and hauntingly realistic. <3 It's gorgeous.

15:04 - "I'm not used to this type of confinement." I love this line because of how deeply it rings true. Martin isn't used to confinement. Sure, he's been chained to a wall for 23 years but he's been relatively happy about it. He's been able to manipulate Malcolm and the other inmates. He's been given TV time, phone time, consultations, books, music, free food, and a massive private cell (seriously that cell is as big as the bachelor's suite I rent for $900 CAD a month). The man has been living a life of luxury (given his crimes). His only 'punishment'? He's stuck inside his cell and he's not allowed to kill anymore. THIS is Martin truly suffering. I kind of feel bad for him (which I never thought I'd say).

15:20 - Damn. Michael Sheen is incredible. He's genuinely making me feel concerned and scared for Martin.

15:32 - Something tells me a man hurt Capshaw in some way throughout her life. This has to be deeper than the whole "I didn't fit into the 'boys club' of surgery". Her issues with men are aggressive and alarming. This woman is nuts. This woman is why I hesitate to call myself a feminist (I generally think we should drop the titles of feminist/misogynist/racist/homophobe... and just treat people with respect. I think the titles and groups just further divide people.)

15:50 - "You're finally free." Yep. Capshaw is a nutcase. She actually believes that she's committed a perfect crime. 

16:09 - This place has virtually no furniture but I’m expected to believe someone is paying the phone bill?!?! Nah. 

17:08 - That. Smile. This woman is a devil. Like, I think I hate her as much as I hate Umbridge. But unlike Umbridge, Capshaw is downright terrifying. 

17:12 - Was anyone else kind of surprised that Martin called Jessica? I mean, I guess she was a safer choice than the cops but still...

17:20 - As creepy and this whole ‘Martin is a victim’ thing is - it’s kind of nice? Like - I just keep thinking “How does it feel Martin?!?! This is how you made your victims feel. Do you like it?” and then I realize I’m a terrible person. 

17:55 - Ainsley’s in on this. I swear, she’s somehow involved with either Capshaw or Martin. 

18:18 - Oh look. Martin is shackled to the bed. Just like Malcolm shackles himself to bed so he can sleep every night. .....I keep oscillating between being vindictive toward Martin and feeling bad for him. That’s what makes this show incredible. The ‘villain’ is human and 3 dimensional. 

18:44 - Oh God. The psychopath is jealous. This woman is UNSTABLE. How has no one locked her up yet?!?

19:43 - She’s crying. She’s actually crying. Even the rewatch of this scene is painful. I just feel so uncomfortable (which was probably the intent) and I hate both characters. They’re both actively trying to manipulate each other and it’s so creepy. Damn. 

20:15 - Holy. Shit. This woman is by far the scariest villain Prodigal Son has given us. 

21:17 - ..............I have nothing to say. My brain has short circuited. I can’t get past how horrifying this scene is. She’s a maniac.

21:57 - No one will make eye contact with Malcolm. :( They all think he’s losing it but they’re not scared of him. They’re scared for him. 

22:10 - “A trusted member of my team has a theory I run it down.” THANK YOU GIL. SUBTLY TELL MALCOLM THAT YOU TRUST HIM. That’s what he needed to hear. He was doubting that anyone cared. :( 

22:45 - “Do you HeAr yourself?!?” Ouch. Gil’s right - Malcolm sounds nuts. Unfortunately, Malcolm’s also right (more or less). Look at how sad Malcolm is - he honestly looks like he’s on the verge of a panic attack. :( Malcolm thinks Gil doesn’t trust him anymore. Malcolm thinks Gil thinks he’s crazy. It’s heartbreaking. SOMEONE HUG THIS LITTLE CINNAMON ROLL.

22:54 - JT, buddy. Not the time. You’re making this worse. :( Malcolm is two breaths away from crying. 

23:40 - “Dani, you up for this? Cause he sure isn’t.” Gil is losing it. Look at him. Gil is watching the boy he considers as his son unravel and Gil can’t do anything about it. 

23:45 - “Either way, he’s going there. I’ll keep an eye on him.” I love Dani for this. Brightwell or not - the fact that she’s willing to chase smoke in an attempt to keep Malcolm from having a full mental breakdown makes her a hero. 

23:48 - JT, hug Gil! He needs a hug! 

24:16 - Martin is screaming while shackled to a bed.....where have I seen this before? 

25:39 - “I did this for you because you needed it.”....”Dani, I respect you.” Excuse me while I go sob in the corner. Malcolm just uttered the words “I respect you.” and my heart exploded. 

26:11 - “You don’t care. None of you care if my father lives or dies.” No, Malcolm, you’re wrong. They care. They all care so so much. Not about the life of the Martin Whitly though. They care about how Martin Whitly will continue to torment you if he’s caught alive. They care about how badly you’ll grieve if he ends up dying. They care about how this will affect YOU. because they love you. 

26:22 - “You would be free.” SAY IT LOUDER DANI! He’d be in enormous pain for a while, but Malcolm would heal. 

26:56 - “Let him go, Malcolm.” <3 <3 Malcolm is listening to Dani. He’s opening up about his fears. This is good (for Malcolm’s mental health). I am happy. 

27:04 - WOW BABY! That kiss was......passionate? I mean, we all knew they were going to kiss (thanks previews) but I honestly didn’t expect a kiss this long or passionate? They’ve both been clearly denying their feelings for each other for a while though so I guess it makes sense?

27:20 - We all know Dani was going to talk about how they could make a relationship work for them and/or how she loves Malcolm but thinks he should focus on his mental health before they start dating. BUT MALCOLM? That boy thinks he just ruined his friendship with Dani and I’m heartbroken. Look at his sad little face. :( 

28:31 - sooooo when exactly did Malcolm’s phone call drop? I feel like Ainsley had more access to the conversation that just what she shares with Dani in a couple of minutes.

29:08 - Look at this sad, scared little boy. He genuinely thinks that saving Martin will earn Martin’s love. I’m heartbroken. 

29:22 - THIS. Malcolm is so desperate for Martin’s love that he essentially consented to being kidnapped, tortured, and potentially murdered. :( This is bad. 

30:06 - Malcolm took unknown drugs from a crazy person. UGH. The stress of loving this unstable man-child is going to kill me. I’m so worried for him. ALSO WHO THE HELL CHEWS PILLS?!?! That’s disgusting. 

30:24 - Dani thinks Malcolm is being a typical guy - terrified of relationships/talking about his feelings. She’s hurt. The Brightwell ship has encountered another storm. 

30:35 - Anyone else get major flashbacks to 1x11 when Gil shows up to the townhouse to tell Jessica that Malcolm’s been kidnapped? You know, when he walks past all the reporters?!

30:50 - Ugh. :( Poor Jessica. That call from Capshaw gave her quite the emotional dilemma. As she said earlier, she loves her children more than she hates Martin. Soooo does she tell someone about the call, save Martin, and let Martin continue to torment her children? Or does she let Capshaw kill Martin, compromise her morals, let her children grieve for a while - but ultimately heal? It’s an impossible choice. 

31:13 - “I know why you’re anxious Jess.” UGH. Get yourself a man you looks at you the way Gil look at Jessica. So much love. So much concern. If Gil wasn’t fictional and I wasn’t asexual (and 24) I would marry that man. 

31:23 - “He has become convinced that his father is a victim in all of this.” Gil is so upset. He’s angry - at Martin for having this much power over Malcolm so many years later. He’s angry that Malcolm is still suffering so much because of his father. He’s upset because Martin is still hurting the people Gil loves 23 years after he was initially arrested. 

31:33 - “There’s no good outcome here Jess.” Thank you. Gil is a man with awareness into Malcolm’s psyche. He knows this is going to hurt Malcolm no matter what happens. He’s scared and he’s bracing himself for impact. I love him. I want more people in the world who love people this deeply. 

31:50 - “It’s okay to hope for that you know.” THANK YOU GIL. THANK YOU. Someone needed to tell Jessica that she’s not a monster for wanting the reason her children continue to suffer to disappear (even if tha means he dies). It’s not a malicious, evil thought toward Martin. It’s a hope for her children’s wellbeing. 

32:04 - “And in my weaker moments, I want him dead too.” <3 I’m imagining Gil praying that Martin is killed by an inmate after he comforts a teenage Malcolm from a nightmare. I’m imagining Gil praying Riker’s finally kills Martin as he watched Malcolm spiral into Martin’s grasp again last year. I’m imagining Gil crying himself to sleep because he’s so damn tired of watching Jessica and Malcolm suffer because of Martin. I love him for it. <3

32:15 - “Maybe things could be different.” .....I’m sorry. Does this mean Gillica is off again?! The flirting and dancing from 2x9 meant nothing?!? It was a hoax?!? I’m furious. 

32:35 - “It’s the actions that matter.” Damn. Gil is too good for the nonsense that is the Whitly family. Doesn’t he know that life isn’t always that simple?

32:46 - Annnnnd now Jessica will convince herself that she’s a bad person because she didn’t tell anyone about Capshaw’s call. She will also convince herself that she’s not good enought for Gil. AND I will cry myself to sleep.

32:55 - That hug <3 Sooooo Gillica is still on? I’m hella confused. 

33:05 - There it is. Dani is still upset with Malcolm. The Brightwell ship is taking in water my dudes. 

33:52 - Wow. He looks pretty in that makeshift hospital bed. Sleeves rolled up. Shirt half unbuttoned. Glazed, disoriented look about him as he wakes from a drugged sleep. <3 I’m in heaven.

34:30 - This is why Malcolm can never let Martin go. There are moments when Martin absolutely convinces Malcolm that he loves him. 

34:50 - “Because he also happens to be my father.” THIS. IS. THE. MOST. REALISTIC. PORTRAYAL. OF. ABUSIVE. DADDY. ISSUES. Take from someone who lived through an abusive Dad. You hate him. You know he’s messed up. You don’t like or respect him. But a part of you will always love him. Even though you hate that part of yourself. 

35:12 - “I want all of you.” .....I’m terrified. This woman is crazy. Crazier than the Surgeon. Is that possible?

36:05 - “You want him to love you. But he can’t.” Have you said that to yourself Malcolm? You know that logically but you don’t feel that in your heart. ....and the writers don’t know that because we’ve seen that Martin loves Malcolm? Sort of? Unless the writers are playing some sort of weird long con on us. 

36:50 - This is whump content I signed up for. This crazy bitch just killed Malcolm. We saw the terror in his eyes. BUT HE LIVES. So. I’m. Here. For. It.

36:58 - Martin’s devotion to Malcolm is so so interesting to me. Martin is a psychopath - he’s not supposed to be capable of love. But he clearly loves Malcolm. How? Why? It makes no sense but I love it?

37:47 - Malcolm’s little wheeze when Vivian starts mitigating the embolism. <3 So cute. 

37:53 - “I can do without the mansplaining.” I’m getting PTSD. There are too many real women who are this crazy about feminism and mansplaining (this is coming from a woman). Martin isn’t trying to ‘mansplain’ he’s scared and he’s trying to save his son. That’s not mansplaining. He’s not explaining something because he thinks Vivian doesn’t know it. He’s explaining something in a desperate attempt to remind her of the severity of the situation. 

38:16 - HOW THE HELL did Ainsley and Dani know where Martin, Capshaw, and Malcolm were? Either 1) Ainsley is somehow working with Capshaw, or 2) they were able to trace Malcolm’s cell (assuming Capshaw didn’t trash it), or 3) Ainsley knew her mom was lying about that phone call and they had it traced?, or 4) this is a convenient plot thing.

38:34 - This bitch is devious and I hate her. 

39:30 - Martin Whitly is the hero of the episode. What alternate reality are we living in?

41:15 - Malcolm struggling for breath. <3 The whumpers are being FED.

41:17 - “Run.” This is 23 years of guilt for turning his own father into the police surfacing. 

41:31 - “Where’s my family?” I honestly don’t know how I feel about this line. It bothers me but I can’t figure out why.

41:43 - This ending sequence is a work of ART. Malcolm is in physical and emotional pain. Dani (without backup) trying to save Malcolm from Martin. The epic music. The shot of Dani seeing the blood-filled syringe next to the makeshift hospital bed+restraints. Martin Whitly. Driving. A. Boat. And. Laughing - completely elated - with Malcolm passed out (and looking adorable) in the aft seating. The fact that the ONLY house you can see on the shoreline is the house the just escaped from. 

THIS EPISODE WAS EXCITING, STRESSFUL, AND WONDERFUL. I’m excited for the SEASON finale and I pray we get a season 3 from a network other than FOX.

[writingformadderton]

Don’t Be So Hard On Yourself - Prequel (2)

PART 1

Ship: Madderton

Word Count: 11,348

Summary: This fic is one of the two requested prequels for Don’t Be So Hard On Yourself. Richard is struggling with his Eating disorder and Taron tries to support him as good as he can. Richard has a hard time mentally, which affects him and his relationships with Taron and his mother. A friend of him, who’s also his stylist does her best to help him while Taron is away shooting. Taron and Richard take a trip to Scotland, visiting Richards parents.

Author's note: TRIGGER WARNING!!! This fic mentions an eating disorder. Please READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!! If you or anyone you know is suffering from something you don’t like to talk about often because you may not feel comfortable, please do no hesitate to message us! Whether it be anonymous or not, we are here for you and will gladly be a listening ear. We promise to be discreet, attentive, and empathetic. We love you all dearly! Stay safe and stay home!

Based on this request:

Richard styles his hair and tries not to give the rest of his body all too much attention looking in the mirror. He has to pick up Taron from the airport in half an hour and he has very mixed feelings about it. On one side, he’s happy to have him back. He needed his boyfriend and missed him dearly. But mostly, he is afraid. He hadn’t been doing all too well these last three weeks and was able to hide it during phone calls. As soon as Taron would step out of the gates, he would realize what’s really been going on.

Taron was extremely talented in seeing how Richard feels. Richard tried to hide it, using his acting skills. But Taron’s observant eyes see even the tiniest trembling of his hands and smallest hesitation in his answers. He knows him inside and out, and Richard became an open book to him. Which was a relief because he never had to explain much, but it was always scary in bad times.

The ringing of his phone nearly gives him a heart attack and he jumps slightly. Looking at it shortly and seeing it’s his mother, he considers just missing the call and texting her later. He bites his lower lip nervously and plays with his hands while looking at the phone lying at the sink. Ugh, screw it. “Mom?” he takes the call and breathes in deep to control his tired voice.

“Hey, how are you?” Pat asks and listens closely. Richard hasn’t been texting or calling her for the last three weeks. This was never a good sign.

“I’m doing okay. How are you and dad?” he asks and sees he bit his lip too long, a drop of blood slowly spreading over them. Shit.

“We are fine. Richard, are you okay?” she asks again, firmly this time.

“I just told you that.” he says a bit harsher than he wanted to. Richard rubs his face and rolls his eyes at himself. Now his mother was on to him.

“And I told you a hundred times before to be honest to me. Especially about this little problem.”

Richard just laughs pejoratively and walks out of the bathroom. “You still can’t give it a name, huh?”

“What?” Pat asks confused and thinks back to what she said. “You hate talking about it. I don’t wanna call you and ask how you’re handling your eating disorder.”

“Sounds better than always labeling it as my problem, struggle or whatever. That sounds like I’m a problem myself, mum.” he explains and opens the window in their bedroom, trying to breathe in some fresh air. The weather is way too warm and beautiful for his mood today.

His mother remains silent for a short while before speaking again. “I never heard you saying that to Taron. He doesn’t put it into words as well, am I right?”

“What does that have to do with it? T is around me all the time and helps me out when it gets too hard to handle. Of course he won’t put it into words when I’m around him. He knows how hard it is, because he’s helping me.” Rich states and frowns slightly. Where was this conversation going?

“Well I would love to help you, but your boyfriend is the only one you talk to about it. So, don’t come at me with this.” She sighs a bit and stares out of the window. “Taron is coming back today anyway, right? I’ve got nothing to worry about then.”

“Oh, for fucks sake, mum!” he groans and rubs his face. He hates fighting about this with his mother. She would never understand how hard it has been for him to open up to Taron, taking that step to being his boyfriend and actually let Taron in when it hits him the hardest. He gets his mother’s viewpoint but what she forgets was how it made him, a 33-year-old grown man, feel to struggle with something like this and admit it to people.  

“What? I know Taron is the only one you let inside and help you to fix it.”

“Seriously, you need to work on your vocabulary for these conversations. I’m not having a problem and I don’t need to be fixed. I’m not broken, mum.” He rests his forehead on his arm, trying to keep his breath under control and cool down with the air from outside.

“That’s what you like to believe.” She hears the annoyed groan of her son. “You know Taron’s help won’t be enough sooner or later. What are you gonna do then? Push it until it’s too late?”

Richard feels himself getting pushed into a corner and he hates it. He needs to stop this immediately before it has an even worse impact on him than it already does. “I need to work.”

“No, you don’t. You have a day off to get Taron.” Pat shakes her head slightly. Her son always tries to get out of their conversations, giving excuses for why he can’t talk right now. “I’m serious, Richard. How long do you think Taron will deal this, huh?”

Richard draws a sharp breath and feels himself getting sick. “What?” he asks lowly and sits down on their bed heavily.

“You heard me.”

“Mum, you-.” Richard takes his phone away from his ear and feels tears burning in his eyes. His mother knows exactly how much Richard worries about the effects it has on Taron. “You can’t just throw the thing I’m most afraid of into a conversation when I’m not doing well.” he says and ends the call without a goodbye. He throws his phone aside and gets up, feeling his chest getting tight. The Scottish feels panic taking over his body and he starts pacing the room, trying to stop it somehow.

His phone rings loudly and he just ends the call without looking at it. Fuck, she did it again. Whenever his mother realized he wouldn’t listen to her or try to get out of the phone call, she did it. She hurt him over and over again, making him believe that Taron would take a step back and break up with him. He knows she doesn’t do it on purpose, but it wrecked him every single time.

Three declined calls later, he slides down on the floor next to their bed and tries to stop himself from crying. His thoughts are racing, but he knows he has to pick up Taron. He doesn’t even know how late it is now. His phone rings again and this time he takes it. His eyes are full of tears and he can’t see who called him. Suspecting it’s his mum, he takes it this time. “Stop calling me, mum. You messed it up and I feel like shit, happy now? I told you a thousand times to stop using Taron to get to me and you’re still messing it up.” There’s a moment of silence, and suddenly Richard fears it isn’t his mother on the line.

“What happened?” he hears his boyfriend ask and curses under his breath.

“Nothing, just got into a fight with my mum.” Richard says slowly leaning back and looking up at the ceiling, shaking his head. Fuck, fuck, fuck! Now Taron knew he wasn't doing so well mentally and started falling back into his disorder behaviors.

“Yeah I got that. I’m at the airport now, should I take a cab, or-?” Taron sits down on a seat and leans against the wall behind him.

“No, I’ll pick you up. I’m sorry, I lost track of time.” Rich pushes himself up and grabs a tissue, walking into the bathroom.

“Richard, are you feeling well enough to drive? I can take a cab, it’s no problem.” Taron urges him softly.

“No, I-.” Richard shakes his head and sniffs when the tears start running his cheeks down rapidly. He buries his face in his hand, taking deep breaths and trying to calm down. He can hear Taron talking to someone and tries to focus again.

“I’ll be home in ten minutes, it’s okay. Whatever happened we can talk about it. There’s nothing that will change anything between us, alright?” Taron says softly and closes the door of the cab behind him. He tells the driver the address of his neighbor a street around the corner, a safety measure they made up with this particular neighbor. Richard just hums a hesitant yes and Taron leans back in the seat. “I love you, Richard. I’ll see you soon.”

“Love you too.” Richard says with a shaking voice and ends the call. “Fuck!” he shouts and slams his hand onto the sink. He changes into sweatpants and a wide sweater quickly. Rushing back into the bathroom, he nearly drops his phone. Richard turns the water on and washes his face. He looks at himself in the mirror and grumbles. “Get yourself together!” he takes advantage of his acting skills and stops himself from crying, clears his throat and blows his nose.

---

Taron opens the front door anxiously and steps inside. His mind is racing, nervous for what mindset he’ll find his boyfriend in. “Rich? I’m home.” he shouts and slides off his shoes. He looks up when he hears him coming down the stairs, appearing in comfy clothes. Taron can see he had gone through a panic attack. The controlled labored breaths, his slightly messy hair, and the way he keeps his hands in his pockets to hide the shaking. “Hey.” He says, voice wavering just slightly.

“Hey.” Rich just says and takes a deep breath smiling a bit at him. “You need something to drink or eat?”

“I need a hug from my boyfriend who I haven’t seen in three weeks.” Taron slowly says and steps closer, hesitating as Richard looks at him a bit startled.

“Ugh god, I’m sorry.” Rich breathes out and wraps his arms around him. “I’m such an idiot. I really wanted to pick you up. I was already ready in the bathroom.”

“It’s alright.” Taron says and holds him close, breathing in his cologne. Rich buries his face in his shoulder and holds him tight. T decides to remain silent and give him the reassurance he needs.

“I didn’t mean for you to find out what happened in such a way.” he says and lifts his head.

“That’s okay.” Taron chuckles softly and his eyes wander all over his face. “How did your mum use me to get to you?” he asks softly.

Richard bites his lower lip. “Whenever she has the feeling I’m not doing well, she tries to make me talk about it. You know how hard this is for me.” Taron nods understandingly. “And then we always get to the point where she doesn’t know how to continue with me.” Rich shakes his head and avoids Taron’s look. “’How long do you think Taron will do this?’ ‘How long do you think he’ll watch it?’ ‘You think he’ll stay if you don’t change something about it?’”

Taron swallows hard hearing that. His mother confronted him with his biggest fear in all of this. “I’m sorry, Rich.” he says and tries to make eye contact again. “Look at me, love.” Richard does, hesitating because of the new formed tears in his eyes. “Your eating disorder isn’t a reason for me to leave you. You are fighting it and that’s all that matters. Sometimes it kicks your ass, but you get back on your feet again.” He lifts his hand and fondles over Richard’s cheek. “I fell in love with you before I knew it. I still loved you when you told me about it. That won’t change.”

Richard nods and blinks away the tears. “I’m just scared of hurting you because of it.”

“One word from you and I’ll drive you to your therapist. We didn’t visit regularly because I wanted to give you the choice to decide when you need an appointment and when not. I’ll only step in if I recognize it’s getting out of control.”

“That’s why I open up to you. Because it’s still my choice afterwards.” he admits and leans his forehead against Taron’s.

Calm down, you're in your safe space again. Taron is the one you can talk to, even on your darkest days. He understands how much pressure work puts on you and what it does to you.

“Take your time and then talk to your mum about it.” Taron suggests and lifts his hand, fondling over his hair.

“Okay.” Richard closes his eyes for a moment and takes in the safety and comfort radiating from Taron. “Hey.” he says softly with a smile and kisses him lovingly.

“Hey.” T whispers and kisses him back sweetly.

“Okay, you want to-.” Richard gets cut off by his phone ringing. He looks at Taron before taking it out. “It’s...my dad.”

“Maybe it’s better to talk to him first.” Taron says and looks at him waiting. “What?”

“I’m gonna put it on speaker so you know what’s going on.” Richard says and Taron agrees. He walks into the living room, pulling T with him. They sit down and he answers the call, putting him on speaker. “Dad?”

“Hey, Rich. Listen, I’m not trying to tell you what to do or get involved in it. But your mum seemed upset.” His father starts and is silent for a moment. “Even though she doesn’t tell you, she feels like you don’t trust her because you don’t talk to her about it.”

Richard leans forward and braces his head on his hands before rubbing it slowly. “Dad, I told her before, it isn’t easy for me.”

“I fully understand it, son. And I respect you for getting help when you need it and opening up to Taron. I’m lucky you two have such a connection. You know I’m glad that you’re brave enough to talk to him about it.” he explains and Richard lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in. “Maybe you could just remember your mum and give her a call sometimes or text her.”

��That has the same outcome every time.”

“What outcome?” he asks confused.

“Me having a panic attack or feeling like shit. Then I get rude and she gets hurt. It wasn’t the first time she said I would lose Taron if I don’t change.” Richard says and glances at T shortly, who’s listening closely and caught up in his thoughts.

“Didn’t know that. - Rich, T won’t leave you. I hope you know that. You’ve gotten better since he’s been here.” he says soothingly, and Taron grabs his hand lovingly. “Are you free next week? You could come over for a few days. We could spend some time together.”

“I-I don’t know. Taron just got home after a three-week shoot. I don’t wanna leave him already again.” Richard looks at Taron, who watches him observantly.

“Well if Taron has nothing against it, you can bring him with you. Haven’t seen him in a while as well.” His father suggests, not letting him go so quickly. Richard looks at Taron who nods, and so he tells his father they would come over. “Take care of yourself, Richard. I’m proud of you.”

“Thanks, dad.” Rich says and they say goodbye. He looks at Taron and sees the thoughtful look he gives off. “What?”

“How were you feeling before your mother’s call?” he asks and watches him closely.

“Do I need to talk about this right now?” Rich leans back and looks up at the ceiling, remaining silent as Taron says nothing. “Fine, what gave it to you this time?”

“This.” Taron carefully strokes his finger over Richard’s a bit bloody lower lip. “This.” He strokes his thumbs over the dark circles underneath his eyes. “This here.” T grabs his shaking hands and squeezes them a bit. “And your blue eyes tell me a story before you can even think about hiding it. The night you stayed up too long after going for dinner with Zoey, who knows about it as well.”

Rich just laughs weakly and opens his arms. He pulls him onto his lap and buries his face in his neck. “I really don’t wanna talk about the last three weeks now. Maybe tomorrow.”

“Okay.” T says and remains quiet for a moment. “Anything I can do to make you feel better?”

“No, it’s enough to be able to cuddle with you.” Rich sighs and gets quiet again.

---

That evening, Taron is confronted with how bad the last three weeks were for Richard. While cooking, Richard opens the window, even though it’s terribly cold outside. He runs around in the kitchen nervously, contorting his face whenever he lifts the pan lid and smells food. When they finally sit down to eat, Richard barely eats and tries to engage him in conversations.

After a while, he stops fully and looks down at his plate shaking his head. “I’m sorry, I can’t finish it.”

“You sure?” Richard nods and looks up with a pained look on his face. “Okay, no problem. You ate something, so that’s all that counts.” Taron says and takes the rest of it onto his plate, sharing a wink.

“I’ll be in the bathroom.” he says and sees how Taron stops chewing and looks up to him. “I won’t throw up, I promise!” he calms him down with a light chuckle and watches him relax in his seat again.

He closes the bathroom door and leans against the door for a moment. He walks over to the window and opens it, breathing in the fresh air. The smell of the food made him sick and turned his stomach upside down. When he feels better he flushes the toilet, closes the window and washes his hands. He avoids seeing his own reflection in the mirror and focuses on the sink and towel in front of him.

Back in the kitchen, he sits down and smiles at Taron who finishes his glass of wine.

---

Richard opens the public bathroom door and stumbles inside of one of the stalls. He closes the door quickly and leans against the door taking deep breaths. Taron was outside talking to his parents and if he took too long either Taron or his dad would come and look after him.

He slides down the wall and wraps his arms around himself. Looking at his watch, he gives himself three minutes. Seeing his mother hugging Taron brought it all back and he feels the panic lying under the surface.

Richard buries his face in his hands and takes deep breaths, telling himself it would be okay. After three minutes he gets up, flushes the toilet and opens the door.

Taron is leaning against the sink countertop with his arms folded in front of his chest. He watches him with a knowing look and it makes Richard freeze. "Told them I'll wash my hands."

"Mm." Richard steps out slowly and turns on the water to wash his hands. "I don't know if this was a good idea." he mumbles and washes his face, cooling himself down.

"I knew you were thinking that. That's why I came looking for you." Taron says and rubs his shoulder lovingly. "Listen, if it gets too much we'll stay in a hotel the next couple of days and enjoy a vacation in Scotland. Just us two."

Richard looks at him and chuckles. "Fine."

"Deep breaths and don't let anything freak you out, babe."

"I'm trying, bub."

---

Having dinner with his parents isn't easy at all. Richard doesn't feel like eating and just shakes his head when his mother wants to fill his plate.

Taron takes over the situation and sits closer to him, putting his plate in the middle of them. "Eat a bit of mine, alright?" they share a small, yet loving glance and Taron sees the agreement in his lover’s ocean eyes. T wraps his arm around him and fondles his hair while pressing a kiss onto his temple.

Rich smiles at him bravely and picks up his fork to try and eat as much as he can without pushing it too far. He stops soon after and Taron assures him it's okay. Richard nods and leans back while chatting with his parents. Hearing that its okay not to finish his plate when he was at least trying, was exactly what he needed. He needs reassurance. He needs to know that his efforts are seen. And that was always easy around Taron.

After dinner, Taron leans against Rich. T wanted Rich’s parents see that he needed Richard and loved him just as much. Letting Richard hold him sent the message that the love was mutual and constantly growing. His boyfriend presses a kiss to his hair and he smiles, grabbing his hand. Taron closes his eyes and feels himself getting tired.

"Tired?" Rich asks and looks down at him. The way Taron is sinking more and more into his arms gave it straight away.

"Mm. I'm still a bit jet lagged because of Tuesday."

"It was two days ago, that's normal." Richard states and runs his fingers through his hair calmingly. "I'm tired as well. Let's go to bed earlier today." Taron hums agreeing and opens his eyes again. He looks up to him and Rich leans down to kiss him softly. Richard wraps his arms around him and pulls him on his lap.

---

They lie down and Taron turns to his side watching his boyfriend, who's staring at the ceiling and tapping his fingers on his chest nervously. "So far so good, don't you think?"

"Yea." he says and bites his lower lip.

Taron pushes himself up on his elbow and taps his finger on Richard’s lips. "You're gonna bleed again." Richard stops and looks at T who's hovering over him now. "What's going on in your mind?"

"Nothin'." Richard says and avoids his look again. "Can we sleep now?"

"Hm okay." Taron says and moves to kiss him goodnight, but Richard turns his head to the side and reaches out for the light. T pulls back a bit startled and watches him sitting on his knees. The light goes out and Taron lies down frowning.

"Night." Richard says and turns around.

"Night." Taron mumbles and stares at the back of his boyfriend. He decides to let him be and give him his time. Today was more emotionally stressing for Richard than he cared to admit. "You know you can talk to me right?" he says after a while.

"I don't wanna talk about it right now." Richard spits out harshly and cursed at himself immediately after. "Sorry."

But Taron just turns around and pulls the blanket closer around himself. He doesn't answer to this and Richard doesn't try it again.

---

The next morning, Richard locks the bathroom door behind himself as he goes for a shower and Taron remains in bed staring out of the window. There was no hello or good morning kiss for him today and it made his heart ache a bit. He could cope with it better had he not been away for a while before.

When Richard steps out of the bathroom, he's fully dressed and pretends to search for something in his suitcase when Taron gets up and passes him to go for a shower.

"Morning to you too, Richard." Taron just says and closes the door behind him before he can say anything.

Rich looks up a bit confused. It wasn't Taron’s normal behavior to call him Richard. It happened rarely and always had something either calming, important or some madness behind it. He sighs and steps out of the room, going downstairs to greet his parents.

His father starts to talk him into walking a bit in the hills when Taron comes down the stairs. Richard gets distracted looking at his boyfriend wearing tight black jeans and a white shirt. T sits down next to him and greets Richard's parents. Rich can smell the shampoo and sees his hair is still a bit wet in the back of his neck. He lifts his hand to stroke over it and T flinches at his touch.

Richard’s father notices the way Taron grabs his coffee tightly and how his son pulls back his hand bracing his head on it now. Something was wrong between them. "Why don't we go and take Taron with us?"

"Huh? Where do you wanna take me?" Taron asks confused and looks at Richard shortly who remains silent.

"I asked Richard if he wants to go for a walk in the hills at the cliffs."

"I think that's a good idea. Some fresh air." Taron says and finishes his coffee.

Richard glances at him and nods slowly. Fresh air. The question was who needed to calm down? "Fine."

---

An hour later, they drove to the cliffs and start walking through the green hills. Taron actually enjoys the fresh air and green landscape around him. It takes his mind off yesterday. Richard and his father are talking beside him and he barely listens. Richard’s father asks him questions on occasion and they talk for a bit, but Taron is quiet most of the time.

They sit down in the grass after a while and Richard’s father recognizes once more the hesitation between those two. "I don't want to invade your privacy, but did you two get into a fight?"

"Not yet." Richard says and looks down at the grass. "We'll see how it goes."

Taron looks at him with raised eyebrows and feels his blood starting to boil. He pushes himself up and looks at Richard’s father. "I need a moment."

Rich looks after him and rubs his face tiredly. "You two should talk." he hears his father saying and shakes his head, still watching Taron walking away. "Come on, go and talk to him." he pats his back and Rich gets up groaning, following Taron.

---

Taron stops walking after a while and shakes his head angrily. He puts his hands into his pockets and stares at the ocean in front of him. "What do you want?" he spits out as Richard comes closer.

"Can we talk?" Richard asks and steps next to him.

"'Bout what?" T asks and doesn't look at his boyfriend standing beside him.

"Okay, seriously. What's going on?" Rich growls a bit and watches Taron closely.

"Everything was alright when we were around your parents and as soon as we were alone, you shut me out. I get it that you didn't want to talk but no goodnight kiss, not even a good morning? And now this here." Taron says and feels himself getting upset. "Listen, you didn't tell me what was going on in the time I was away, but somehow you expect me to get it immediately." he feels tears burning in his eyes and takes a deep breath. "And I don't know if I did something wrong because your last comment sounded like I did." he throws his arms in the air helplessly and looks at Richard, who remains silent watching him. "Please don't go silent on me now." he says and presses his lips together.

"What do you want to hear?" Rich asks and turns towards him fully now.

Taron lets out a weak laugh and looks up into the sky. "Okay, sure." he just says and shakes his head a bit.

"I'm sorry, Taron. I told you that yesterday." he says and folds his arms in front of his chest as if to protect himself. "What should I do?"

Taron turns towards him now and watches him with tears in his eyes. "I have no problem with you going through a rough time and needing space, you know that. But is it really too much to ask from you to say good morning or give me a kiss before going to bed?"

Richard swallows seeing Taron’s trembling lips and shakes his head. "No it isn't. I'm sorry, T."

"We've been apart for a few weeks and I need you close at the moment. You're my safe space and I just need my boyfriend." A tear escapes his eyes and rolls down his cheek, tightening Richard’s throat. "Please don't push me away and then search for me as soon as others are around. If you need me, I don't want it to be because of others, but because we're in love and stick together." his voice gets thin and another tear rolls down his cheek. "You and I, right?" he asks timidly.

Richard feels himself getting emotional and just wraps him into a hug hesitantly. Taron wraps his arms around him and waits for a moment. "I'm so sorry, love. I didn't mean to hurt you." he nestles his face in Taron’s shoulder and holds him tight. "Of course it's you and I."   he whispers and Taron relaxes in his arms, burying his face in his shoulder.

"I didn't wanna cause a scene, but it just got too much after all this time we spent apart." Taron explains and lets out a relieved sigh from being in his arms again.

"It's alright. Your feelings are important as well." Richard rubs his back smoothly. "I'm sorry I got so weird. I need you just as much." he pulls back and looks at Taron who does the same. Richard cups his face and leans his forehead against Taron’s. "Please forgive me." he whispers and his thumbs stroke over the tearstains on Taron’s cheeks.

"Already did." T whispers back and bops his nose against Richard’s. "Let me help you, please."

Rich says nothing and kisses him softly. He continues stroking his cheeks and kissing him tender. "I'll try."

Taron plays with the hair at the back of his neck and looks deep into his lover’s blue eyes. "That's a good start."

"You wanna walk for a bit and I'll tell you what happened?" he asks and watches his boyfriend closely. "My dad is taking a nap anyways."

"Okay." Taron says and lets go of him.

Richard looks at him and stretches his hand out hesitating. "Can I hold your hand?"

"Of course, love." Taron chuckles softly and interlocks their fingers. They start walking around a bit and Taron remains silent, giving him time to think about what he wants to tell him.

After a while, Richard seems to make his mind up about it and starts talking. "It was more mentally challenging than physical this time, which scared me. You know I can handle feeling sick or throwing up and getting better slowly throughout the day. But this time was different."

"How do you mean mentally?" T asks and stops walking when he sees the tears in Richard’s eyes.

"I'm a mess at the moment." he presses out, thinking back at the time he spent alone.

***

Richard comes home from dinner with Jamie and groans softly while taking off his jacket and shoes. He didn't eat all too much the last days, so a normal dinner was way too much for his body. But Jamie doesn't know about his eating disorder and he didn't want to skip it. Jamie was flying back home tomorrow.

He feels full and his stomach hurts badly. Richard takes a glass from the kitchen and fills it with water, walking upstairs. He gets rid of his jeans and sweater, falling into bed only wearing a shirt and boxers. Richard covers himself with the blankets and runs his fingers through his hair, turning on his side. The loud ringing of his phone interrupts the silence and Richard quickly takes the call to make it stop.

"Hey, love. I hope I didn't wake you up!" Taron says worried.

"No, it's fine. Just came back from dinner with Jamie. What's going on?" Richard asks and turns onto his back again.

"Just needed to hear your voice." Taron admits softly and leans back against his pillow.

"Rough day?" Rich asks with a soft smile on his lips and gets up to open the window a bit.

"Let's call it hectic." Taron giggles. "I just miss you."

"I miss you too, bub. But we already have the half behind us." Rich calms him down and goes back to bed.

"Yeah, how are you?"

"Pretty tired." Richard says and he isn't lying. He is tired, but he doesn't want to worry Taron with how exhausted he really is.

"Aw, I should let you sleep then. I'll call you tomorrow, I love you!" Taron says and tries to sound happy.

"I love you too and we'll see each other soon." With that Richard ends the call, turns to his side and switches the app.

Taron looks at his phone a bit sad and lies down with it in his hand. He opens his photo gallery and searches for the album with all their pictures. But before he can watch them to calm his mind, Richard’s name appears on his screen again. This time it's a video call and Taron takes it immediately.

"See you soon." Rich says and winks at him. Taron’s eyes light up as he lies on his side and watches him on his screen. "You're so cute looking like that."

"You're cuter wrapped up in the blanket looking sleepy." Taron mumbles adoringly.

They keep on talking sleepy nonsense and Richard slowly falls asleep. T starts singing when he notices and it doesn't take long for Richard to be in a deep sleep.

Taron knows Richard’s phone will turn itself off in 15 minutes and so he cuddles into his blanket and watches him sleep peacefully. He falls asleep before the 15 minutes are over, the image of his boyfriend giving him complete peace.

---

Richard wakes up in the morning with a hurting stomach and stays in bed after turning off his alarm. He feels sickish while getting up and brushing his teeth. Taking a shower isn't helping. The steamy air in the bathroom only makes him feel worse.

Seeing himself in the mirror while taming his curls, he swallows hard. He shouldn't have looked at all. His reflection in the mirror was one of those things he hates the most whenever he slipped back into his old behaviors. It disgusts him seeing himself and sometimes Richard genuinely wonders how Taron could love him this way. Taron’s lips wandered over all his most intimate spots and never has he ever looked at him the way he did at himself. A secret to Richard. He can barely draw his eyes from the mirror even though he doesn't like what he sees and he realizes once more that people can't stop staring at stuff that they don't like.

He dresses himself for the day and goes downstairs into the kitchen to drink some coffee. But as soon as he takes the first gulp, he retches afterwards and contorts his face. "Okay, no coffee today." he groans and pours it down the sink.

He puts on his shoes and jacket, grabs his keys and leaves the house. In the car, he listens to Taron’s version of Tiny Dancer. Hearing his voice always makes him feel a bit better. Richard sings along to the tune bored, and he knows Taron would squeak around now and look at him with his big puppy eyes. Richard giggles at the thought, knowing T loves his singing.

Arriving on set, he has ten minutes to get ready for make-up. Then the costume for today and off he goes to deliver a good performance. He's wrecked before lunch break. His sickness had gotten worse and he feels dizzy because he hasn't drank anything yet. The tight suit isn't helping and he's lucky to take it off during the break. While the rest of the crew goes out to eat, he goes back to his trailer. Inside, he just slides down the door and leans against it. He wraps his arms around his stomach and taps his left foot nervously on the floor.

Don't give in. Don't just throw up. It doesn't make everything better. You're nervous about this stupid role, about mean comments from people and that's all. No need to stop eating whenever no one is around.

Twenty minutes later, he's pacing the little bit of room he has in his trailer trying to stay away from the bathroom. He gets his phone out and dials Taron’s number, but his boyfriend doesn't take the call. He was probably busy on set as well.

Another twenty minutes later he lies on the sofa, tucked up legs and closed eyes. Trying to relax and sleep, with an set alarm, could help him to get his head off it. But after what feels like five minutes he has to turn the alarm off and go back on set.

He walks into the dressing room and takes his suit from Zoey. Richard gets it on and lets her do the rest. She has a preferred way to close the buttons of the shirt and jacket, pull at the sleeves, and check the trousers.

She frowns a bit looking at him. "I think I got a suit that's too small. Look at the sleeves, way too short. Isn't it a bit tight?"

"It is." he agrees and Zoey watches him frowning.

"Give me a second." she disappears into the adjoining room and comes back with the same suit but a size bigger. "Try this on, Rich."

Richard changes the suit and can finally breathe properly again. He steps back in the room and Zoey nods agreeing, showing her thumbs up. He lets her close the buttons and watches her doing it.

Zoey worked on set often with him and she recognized the changes his body went through whenever he wasn't feeling well or fighting against his eating disorder. So one day, Richard opened up to her and she promised she would tell no one. That was five years ago and now she works on every set he’s in and takes care of covering up his insecurities whenever he had to attend any premiere or event since then. Taron met her a few times and is glad that he has somebody who takes care of him with the clothing.

She finishes the last button and looks up to him. "I hope you know I meant its too tight. The sleeves were too short and you couldn't move properly in it."

"I know, don't worry." Rich calms her down.

She takes his left arm and fixes the buttons on the sleeve. "You're going through it at the moment, am I right?" he raises his eyebrows at her surprised. "The suit sits perfectly everywhere." She points at his stomach. "And here it's a bit loose." she looks at him shortly. "And you can't keep still for a bloody minute."

Richard nods slowly and says nothing as she fixes the other sleeve. "I'm trying not to slip back into it." he finally admits.

"Does Taron know about that?" she asks and gets on her knees to look if the trousers are the way she made them to be.

"Not yet. He should be able to focus on his work. He'll be back in 10 days anyways."

"You do know how long 10 days can be? If it helps, we can meet up for dinner today." she suggests and checks his hair.

"We could." Richard says slowly and nods. Maybe this wouldn't be a bad idea and Taron wouldn't interpret anything in it if he knew about it later. He knows about Zoey and knows she's just a friend trying to help.

"You look a bit pale. You sure you're okay?" he just nods and avoids her look now. "Well then, off you go."

---

The afternoon is horrible and the urge to throw up gets stronger. As soon as Zoey got him out of his suit, he felt like throwing up right there on her floor. They go out for dinner in a lovely little restaurant and Richard can barely cope with all the different smells. After eating enough to get through with it, he excuses himself and goes to the bathroom. Luckily no one is inside and he crouches down in front of the toilet.

"Please don't." he begs himself and tries to stop himself from retching. "Don't." he buries his face in his hands and his breathing gets faster. Panic is settling in. He doesn't want to fall back into it. But it doesn't take long and he throws up, getting rid of everything he kept in today. Afterwards, he gets up groaning and flushes the toilet. He washes his hands, drinks water to get rid of the taste in his mouth and slaps his cheeks a bit to stop himself from looking pale. "Come on, you can do it."

Getting back, he sits down heavily and tries to blend out all the different smells around him.

Zoey watches him closely and stops eating. "Please tell me you didn't."

"Sorry." he mumbles and avoids her look now.

"You really thought you could fool me with patting your cheeks after being away for ten minutes?"

"I guess." Richard just says and looks at her finishing her wine.

"You're staying home tomorrow."

"Zoey."

"No. I'll tell them you looked sick yesterday and need the rest of the week off. You should focus on yourself, talk to Taron, get some fresh air. Eat." she says and takes out her phone.

Richard grabs it softly and shakes his head. "Isolation is the most stupid and risky thing you can do to me."

She looks into his feared blue eyes and sees he means it. "You can't keep on doing everything like nothing's wrong."

"And you can't stop me from living a normal life. I need a routine, contact with people where I have to act normal."

"Don't say normal, you're not a freak." she squints her eyes and grabs her phone back.

"Yes I am, it's okay. I can cope with it." he says firmly.

"What does Taron say about this? You think he'd be with a crazy person?" she asks honestly, but bites her lip when she sees his look.

"That was mean towards the people who suffer from an illness that drives them crazy." he states and leans back. "And I don't know what's going on in his head."

"Richard, you are loved and you can get help wherever you want to."

Richard looks away from her and shakes his head, feeling his throat getting tight. "I don't deserve to be loved. Especially not from him." he simply says and can barely look at her.

Her face goes blank and shock settles in her eyes. "What? Stop that bullshit right now. Taron loves you with all of his heart. You deserve to be loved. More than many other people I know." she leans forward and looks at him seriously. "Richard, you are not broken or a problem, you hear me? You have the right to feel shitty and fight against something, just like any other person. Don't drag yourself down that way."

He blinks away the tears that brimmed his eyes and takes a deep breath. "I don't think about it that way. And that's the main problem."

"Then you need therapy and work on your self-esteem."

Richard just lets out a dark laugh and stares out of the window. Of course. "What exactly do you think I'm doing on the days where I can't appear on set because of an appointment?" he slowly looks back at his friend and raises his eyebrows, challenging her statement.

"Hm, I don't know what kind of appointments an actor like Richard Madden has to attend to most of the week. Probably the same as other actors in his range." She raises her eyebrows challenging him as well.

"Fair point." he just grins and rolls his eyes. "I'm trying, Zoey. I do everything I can about it." She watches him and he sees the worry in her eyes. "Please don't." he says softly.

"What?" she asks confused.

"Please don't look at me like that." he sighs.

"Like what, Rich?" she laughs a bit and gets out her purse as she sees the waiter coming towards them.

"Like you're worried about me. There's no need to worry." he says and moves to get his wallet but realizes it's gone and lying next to Zoey.

"You're my friend. I'll always worry about you, dumbass." she smiles at the waiter in front of her. "I'm paying."

Rich rolls his eyes when she quickly hides his wallet and pays for them both. As soon as he's gone, he looks at her annoyed. "I told you before not to pay for my meals."

"I'm paying because I brought you to a restaurant where the food is so shitty you don't wanna keep it in." she throws him back his wallet and gets up.

"Ouch." he just says and sees how she realizes what she just said.

"Oh god I'm sorry." she says and presses her hand in front of her mouth.

"Forget it." he laughs and hands her her coat.

"That's the second rude thing I said today." she says and giggles a bit.

---

Richard can't sleep that night and paces through his bedroom. He stares out of the window, looks at the stars, taps bored and nervous rhythms with his fingers on the window or scrolls through his phone. Nothing helps until Taron, who's one hour ahead of him, sends him a voice mail. He gets his air pods and connects them with his phone.

"Morning, love. Hope you're alright and your dinner with Zoey was fun yesterday, already in the news." he giggles shortly and Richard lets out a groan. "I'll have to be on set the whole day so I thought I'll send you something. I'm so sorry that I missed your call. You're probably asleep, or at least you should be at 4am." Taron goes on rambling something about his upcoming day and Richard lies down listening to his still a bit sleepy sounding boyfriend. "I love you and I miss you so much! Can't wait to see you again, baby."

Richard texts him "I love you!" and stares at the ceiling. Only a second later Taron calls him and Richard takes it. "Yeah?"

"Richard. Madden." His tone is meant to be stern, but it’s not working very well.

"What?" he laughs.

"Why the fuck are you awake? You don't have to be on set before nine!" Taron says shocked. "Did you just wake up or never went to bed?"

"You'd prefer me lying now." Rich giggles and Taron groans.

"Ew go to bed. You're gonna be so fucked on set later." Taron giggles as well now and rolls his eyes.

"You think I should stay home?" Richard asks, thinking back to the previous evening.

"That's your choice. If you feel like staying home, do it." T is interrupted by talking to someone. "Gotta go, I love you!"

"Love you too, bubs. Stay safe." he says and Taron ends the call.

---

Back on set, he drinks a coffee while Zoey fixes his trousers. She sees the way he contorts his face and tries to convince himself that he needs it. "Didn't sleep?"

"Not really." he says and takes another swallow. God this was disgusting!

"You look like you hate coffee! What's wrong? I know you love it usually!" she laughs when he makes a funny face and sticks his tongue out at her.

"Yeah but not when I'm not doing well. Ugh that's so gross." he puts it aside and shakes his head.

She just laughs and watches him closely. "You should let somebody from the makeup team cover up those rings under your eyes."

"That bad?" he asks and contorts his face.

"Let's say you're close to a panda bear." she ducks away as he punches her playfully before laughing.

***

Richard tells Taron everything and opens up completely. They sat down in the grass facing each other. Taron has his legs tucked up and his head is resting on his knees while he listens closely.

Rich gets lost sometimes or takes a break thinking about how to continue. He focuses on his boyfriend’s eyes. The softness and understanding in them is the reassurance he needs. He tells him about the nights he stayed up, the talk he had with Zoey, the times he couldn't look at himself or felt like giving up.

When he's done he looks at Taron who watches him with a sad smile. "Do you really think you don't deserve to be loved?"

"Sometimes." Rich nods and bites his lower lip.

Taron sits between Richard's legs and looks straight into his eyes. He cups his face soft and hesitant.

"What are you doing?" Richard mumbles and lets his eyes wander all over his boyfriend’s face.

Taron leans forward, looks at him for one last time and connects their lips for a sweet and loving kiss. He pulls back and looks at him closely. "Does this feel wrong?" Richard shakes his head. He fondles over his cheek. "This?" and again he shakes his head. Taron lifts Richard’s hand and lies it on his cheek. He strokes over his hand that's cupping his face now and places a tiny kiss on the palm of his hand. "This here?" Rich shakes his head again and looks at him a bit confused. "As long as this here doesn't feel wrong, you fully deserve my love." Taron says and Richard sees the tears in his eyes. "I love you and you are worth every second I spend with you."

Richard bites his lower lip and feels tears burning in his eyes. "But you're not worth of my love." he studies Taron’s face which goes blank for a moment. "I am here for you on one day and then I push you away on others. What kind of love is this? You absolutely deserve better."

"Stop saying you're worse than me. Because you clearly are not. And you're right, I don't deserve it because on good days you show me so much love and on the bad ones you're trying to protect me." Taron shakes his head slightly and makes eye contact again. "But I told you the night before we got together, you don't have to always protect me. Not from yourself." he catches a tear with his thumb and looks at him smiling softly. "Come here." he says barely audible.

Rich pulls him into a hug and buries his face in his shoulder. He starts crying and lets go of all the stress and loneliness he felt the last few weeks. Taron soothes him while holding him close and, once more, he realizes it's important to open up and talk about what's going on in his head.

---

That evening, Richard lies awake next to Taron, who already fell asleep a little while ago. Their hands are tangled underneath the blanket and they're closer than ever. It takes him a while to fall asleep and he's glad when he recognizes himself drifting off finally.

He wakes up later when he hears Taron whimpering next to him. Richard pushes himself up on his elbow and carefully strokes over his shoulder. "Taron?"

But T doesn't give an answer and pants softly. Richard turns on his bedside lamp and sees that Taron is still deep asleep. "Oh shit." Richard curses as Taron starts panicking in his sleep. He sits up and leans over him fondling over his hair. Sometimes he managed to calm Taron down in his sleep.

"No, no, no." Taron begs and single tears roll down his cheeks. Then he screams his name and Richard jumps shocked.

It scared him every time Taron tried to reach out to him in his sleep and screamed for him full of panic. The bedroom door gets opened abruptly and his father looks at him shocked. "What's going on?"

"Nightmare." Rich just says focusing on his boyfriend. "Taron love, wake up." he says and rocks him softly. He doesn't want to bring him back into reality in a forceful way, but he can't leave him trapped in his nightmare. Taron sucks in air and jumps up, his head crashes against Richard’s chin, who lets out a pained groan. "Careful." he moans and sees the panic in his boyfriend’s eyes. Richard sits between his legs now and cups his face. "You're back. Everything is okay. You're with me now."

"I-fuck, Rich." Taron sighs and sinks his head against his chest.

Richard fondles over his hair calmingly and places a soft kiss in his hair. "It's okay, you're safe now." he assures him and Taron wraps his arms around him longing for his touch. Richard hears his father closing the door and focuses on Taron again. He's covered in sweat and trying to get air in his lungs. "Hey, breathe."

Taron sniffs and holds him closer as he starts shaking. He cries silent tears into his chest and feels Richard pulling back.

"Oh love, don't cry. Everything's alright, it was just a dream." Rich promises and wipes away his tears.

"I lost you." Taron chokes out and can't look into his eyes. He feels Richard cupping his face and turning him back, so he's facing the baby blue eyes of his boyfriend.

"You won't. I'm here." he says and kisses him softly. "Come on, you need a shower." He carefully helps him out of bed and into the bathroom. Richard undresses Taron carefully, along with himself, and steps into the shower. He turns it on and Taron searches his touch, leaning against him exhausted. The Scottish shampoos him, holds him close, mumbles soft words in his ear and rubs loving tiny circles on his back.

Afterwards, he dresses Taron with a shirt of himself, knowing T needed this after such a dream. He dries his hair and Taron hugs him as he dries his own curls. Richard puts the dryer aside and looks down at Taron who is staring up at him. "Alright?" T nods and looks deep into his eyes, his own filling with longing. Richard starts stroking through his fluffy warm hair and kisses his forehead, nose, down to his lips. They share the sweetest kiss they had in a while and Taron cups his face, keeping him where he is. After a while, Richard walks him back into the bedroom and lies down with him. He wraps the blanket around his boyfriend and let him lie on him fully.

---

Taron wakes up in his boyfriend’s arms the next morning, still cuddled into him and he smiles to himself. He rolls off from him carefully and moves to get up when he feels Richard wrapping his arms around him and pulling him back. He falls back laughing and lies on top of Richard again. "I need a shower, love."

"Don't care." Rich mumbles and holds him tight. "We can shower together later." he turns them on their sides and buries his face in Taron’s neck.

"It's already 9am. Your mum wanted to have a nice breakfast with us all." Taron says and smiles brightly. It feels good to have Richard wanting him near and by his side.

"You do realize that my parents don't eat breakfast at 9am when they are off work?" he giggles softly. "They're gonna set up the table at 10, believe me." T lets out a soft groan and relaxes in his arms. "Enough time to cuddle."

Taron turns around in his arms and looks at him with raised eyebrows. "Someone's needy for cuddles."

"Fuck off, you're staying here." Richard says and looks at him with a bright grin as Taron cracks up. He closes his eyes again and enjoys the comfortable cuddle they share.

Taron studies every inch of his man's beautiful face and feels proud. He was the one that won Richard’s heart and kept it. It still amazes him that out of anyone a guy like Richard could have he picked him. "I really don't get it." he mumbles thinking out loud while stroking his finger down Richard’s nose and bopping the tip of it.

Rich opens his eyes and looks at him confused. "What?"

"Why I'm your boyfriend." T says caught up in thoughts and continues bopping his nose. "You could have had anyone. I mean you look stunning. You're a cutie and those blue eyes...Well pour hot soup in my lap I would apologize to you."

"What?!" Richard starts laughing now. "You started so cute and then you showed me once more how crazy you are."

"Crazy bout ya." T says and giggles softly when Rich fondles over his nose just like he did before.

"Why are you my boyfriend? You're a great listener, a real softie. You can somehow read my current mood from my eyes which I hate because that means I'm shitty at acting." he makes a funny face knowing T would react to the last statement.

"That's not true! You're amazing at it and you know that. You and your golden globe." Taron protests laughing.

"You can be the cutest, cuddly puppy sometimes but when I need you to help me, you're there and focused. You have a very beautiful voice, my favorite smile in the world, and your eyes are so gorgeous." Rich smiles at his blushing boyfriend who has tears in his eyes. "And I love it when you blush and start crying when I say something nice." he whispers and T giggles softly. "And I guess those are some of the reasons you're my boyfriend."

"I love you." Taron breathes out and starts playing with Richard’s hair.

Rich leans forward and connects their lips. He places soft and loving kisses on Taron’s lips, being gentle but longing. "I love you too."

Taron leans his forehead against Richard’s and cuddles into him. "Thank you for taking care of me last night."

"Of course." Rich just says and kisses him, needing to feel his lips again.

---

Downstairs, Richard can't help himself and looks towards the stairs as Taron comes down, wearing his dark green sweater and a pair of sweatpants. He absolutely adores it when Taron wears his clothes, he looks so good in it. He pulls him on his lap and presses a big kiss on his lips, smiling.

"What put you in such a good mood?" T asks curiously and watches him happily.

Rich kisses him again, not giving a care in the world that his parents sit opposite them. "You." Taron looks up to him adoringly with dreamy eyes.

"What would you do without him, huh?" his mother asks and Richard thinks about a suiting answer.

"That's what I'm asking myself so often. What would I do without you, cutie?" Taron says and strokes his cheek, kissing him again. Rich tries not to laugh at that and buries his face in Taron’s shoulder shortly, which gives him enough time to use his acting skills and stop himself from laughing.

His mother comes back with some coffee and pours her son a cup. "No, thanks mum." he mumbles and gets a confused look from her.

"I thought you love coffee?"

"Yeah, just not now." he says and avoids his parents looks. "Upsets my stomach at the moment."

T looks at him shortly and grabs his hand underneath the table. So he didn't only throw up once while he was away. The problem about all of this was that Richard sometimes started to eat a bit less every day, which goes unrecognized by both of them. It usually happens when the pressure on set gets too much or a certain scene or event is coming up. If he eats a bit more again and feels too full, he starts restricting and then it becomes dangerous. When he's at that stage, he'll start eating normal amounts in front of others and next to nothing as soon as no one's looking. This leads to the terrible stomachaches and throwing up when it becomes too much.

"Okay, then don't drink it." his mother says with a soft smile and takes it away.

---

Later that day, Richard is sitting on a blanket underneath a tree in their garden, Taron between his legs. He has his arms wrapped around him and T has his head rested comfortably on his chest. Taron fondles over his arms and Rich places a kiss in his hair.

"Something's wrong with me." Rich mumbles.

"How do you mean?" Taron asks confused and turns his head to the side a bit, looking up to him.

"I mean, it isn't normal what I'm doing to myself over and over again, even though I hate it and I don't want it in my life." Richard looks down at him now and shrugs his shoulders. "Makes no sense."

"Do you trust me?" Taron asks and sits up now, turning to his side and rests his head on Richard’s lap.

"Yeah, of course I do, stupid." he says lovingly and starts playing with Taron’s hair, who's grinning at the "stupid".

"Good. So trust me, there is nothing wrong with you."

"Don't say that, you know it's not true. You have no single flaw, you're normal." The Scottish says and runs his fingers through Taron’s hair now, massaging his scalp a bit.

"Who is the one that hits his boyfriend in his sleep because he has a nightmare? Who stays up for hours because he can't calm down?" Taron raises his eyebrows at him, trying to show him he has flaws as well. "Or being clumsy as hell, being messy as soon as you aren't around and so on."

"It happens. And you're actually adorable when you need me to hold you." Rich chuckles softly. "Or when you hit your head and need a hug. It's cute."

Taron starts laughing. "What?" he shakes his head furiously. "No stop it."

"Why should I?" he asks giggling.

"Listen, Richie you are who you are. And I fell in love with you a long time ago." Taron states and grabs the hand that's lying on his stomach. He relaxes into Richard’s gentle touch on his head and smiles up to him. "Don't worry so much about it."

"I just don't wanna feel this way anymore." he sighs and leans back against the tree. "I think I should meet with my therapist again. I don't know how long I'm able to fight it alone anymore. I don't need a hard phase right now."

"We'll call him as soon as we're back home." T says and Richard smiles thankful.

---

Two months later, Richard is pacing his dressing room and feels sick again. But this time it's because he's nervous, like always before a premiere.

"Richard, I swear, sit down!" Zoey lets out a frustrated groan while searching for something in her bag. Richard just rolls his eyes and continues his nervous behavior. "Taron, please." she begs T who sits on the sofa not stopping Richard.

"Come here, love." Taron says and pats his lap. He knows Richard starts running around when he's nervous and he always lets him do it. But with Zoey trying to focus, it wasn't the best option at the moment. His boyfriend falls into his lap heavily and sinks against him. "Everything's alright. No need to be nervous." he soothes him, rubbing his back calmingly.

Zoey finally found what she was looking for, puts it aside and gives Taron his suit. "Just put it on next door. I'll have Rich ready by the time you finish."

Taron leaves the room and Richard puts on the suit she handed him. He sees himself in the mirror and hates it.  It looks awful and he just wants to get it off again. But Zoey starts pulling at the sleeves and gets him ready. "I'm not ready for this shit." he mumbles and feels panic welling up in him.

"What?" she asks confused and looks at him shortly. "They can't postpone the premiere just because you're not feeling like it today." she says and fixes the tie.

"I look like shit, Zoey. What are you even doing?" he suddenly says and the panic closes his throat, tears burn in his eyes. If he goes out like this, he would throw away two months of hard work with his therapist and Taron. He started feeling more or less okay not so long ago and he wasn't ready to give it up already.

"What?" she looks up now and sees a single tear dropping down on the light green suit jacket leaving a stain. "Oh, Rich, don't cry on the suit now. We have five minutes left, I don't have time for this now, hun."

"What's going on?" T asks as he steps in and sees his upset boyfriend and his friend’s frustrated look.

"He doesn't like it." Zoey groans and rubs her face.

"Zoey, honestly, what color is that? Definitely not his. Who picked that?" Taron asks, his face twisted in disgust. Zoey wouldn't pick such a color for his boyfriend. The light green was a strange mixture and it made Rich look pale and tired, his eyes becoming dark compared to it. He could see why Richard hates it.

"The management because it fits with the posters of the movie. I wouldn't have picked it as well." she admits groaning and looks at her slightly panicked mate. She couldn't do this to him and after all, she was his stylist. "Take it off. I'll get something else."

Richard watches her leaving the room and tries to open the buttons with his shaking hands. "Can you help me?" he asks shyly and looks at Taron.

T sees the fear in his eyes and steps before him quickly. "Calm down, love." he says lovingly and opens the buttons of the jacket and continues with his shirt. "We'll have a lovely evening and I'll be right by your side." Taron wipes his cheeks clean and gives him a quick kiss. "Deep breaths." he gets him out of the jacket and his shirt and opens the button of his trousers. Zoey comes back and hands him a dark blue suit.

T takes it and helps him to get it on. He closes the buttons calmly, knowing his boyfriend’s friend is stressed now. Putting on the blue jacket, Richard’s eyes are calmer and brighter almost instantly due to the fitting color. He closes the buttons, fixes his sleeves and kisses him softly before kneeling down and fixing the trousers. "One day I'm going to do this again, but not for fixing your trousers." Taron says and winks at him. Rich raises his eyebrows trying to find out which one of the things going through his mind is the right one. "I don't mean it in a sexual way, baby." Taron promises giggling. "Will you marry me?" he says and winks up to him again.

"Dork." Rich says and both start laughing. But if Taron knew what he just did to him saying that he probably would grin. His heart is racing and warms at the thought of Taron asking him that. Taron gets up and Richard kisses him softly, smiling about the fact that Taron decided to spend his life with him. And he was ready for it, whenever he would ask him.

Zoey looks at them as they step outside and raises her thumb at Rich. "Happy now?"

"Yea." Richard says and looks at himself shortly. It was better than before no question. He sees Taron stepping next to him and grabs his hand.

"Ready?" Taron asks caring and gives him a kiss on his cheek, standing up on his toes.

"Now I am." he pulls him into a soft kiss, taking in all the love Taron has for him. It would be a good evening and he would be okay one day.

@taron-eggmcmuffin @anxiety-at-the-classroom @multicoloredchicken @primaba11erina @sarahegerton96 @naptitimadderton @maddertonmyheart @madderton-obsessed

[unfocused-overwriter]

Chapters of TINM as John Mulaney quotes

Including relevant excerpts

Chapter 1 - You know how I’m filled with rage? I’m so horny and angry all the time and I have no outlet for it.

Chapter 2 - As mad as that made me [two hours ago], in retrospect, that is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life.

Chapter 3 - I will pepper in the fact that I am gay.

Chapter 4 - I need everybody, all day long, to like me so much. It’s exhausting.

Chapter 5 - Every new song is about how “tonight is the night, and we only have tonight”. That is such nineteen-year-old horseshit.

Chapter 6 - No! That’s the thing I’m sensitive about!

Chapter 7 - “You know, I wanted to invite him up for a beer.” “Thanks, I’m nine.”

Chapter 8 - I thought [my sister] was pretty smart, and [she] seemed good at [life], and I’m lazy by nature, so I don’t check up on people when they seem okay at [life].

Chapter 9 - I was sitting up in bed a few weeks ago like “uuuuuugh”. You know, life.

Chapter 10 - “That tall child looks terrible. Get some rest, tall child! You can’t keep burning the candle at both ends!”

Chapter 11 - This is an on-fire garbage can... Could be a [love interest].

Chapter 12 - Stop snitchin’ motherfucker!

Chapter 13 - I’ll take your advice, friend I’ve never listened to before.

Chapter 14 - “Hero tutor teaches after school”

Chapter 15 - [Pudim] is my best friend in the entire world, I give [him] a million kisses a day, [he] does not like me and [hisses] at me and bites me all day long.

Chapter 16 - So I was home for Christmas and we were just eating triscuits in silence, and I was just staring at the floor and I was like, “well, here goes nothing. You ever seen a ghost?”

Chapter 17 - I never talked to my dad about that, but I figured I would tell all of you.

Chapter 18 - Nah sister! You’re not taking me to no secondary loction!

Chapter 19 - I’ll keep all my emotions right here, and then one day I’ll die.

Chapter 20 - My parents loved us, they just didn’t particularly care about our general happiness or self-esteem.

Chapter 21 - You ever have those days where you’re like: “This might as well happen. Adult life is already so God damn weird.”

Chapter 22 - “Why? Why do you do this?” And he said “Cause it’s the one thing you can’t replace.”

Chapter 23 - When I was in grade school, I was bullied for being Asian-American. And, the biggest problem with that... is that I am not Asian-American.

Chapter 24 - Something happened here. You hope it’s a miracle, but probably not.

Chapter 25 - “You saw what they were doing to [me] and you did nothing.” “CAUSE I WAS OVER ON THE BENCH!” “Just explain to me this: how are you better than a Nazi?”

Chapter 26 - “Tu vas mourir le 7 août 2037.” “... That’s pretty good.”

Chapter 27 - Fourteen years ago [my mom] smoked cocaine the night before [her] college graduation, now [she’s] afraid to get a flu shot. People change.

Chapter 28 - [Being gay] is so nice, I didn’t know relationships were supposed to make you feel better about yourself.

Chapter 29 - And that’s when the afternoon went from good to great.

Chapter 30 - Do my friends hate me or do I just need to go to sleep?

Chapter 31 - “Hello? Hello, are you there? Ugh, lost him.” And that’s it! No follow-through with that guy!

Chapter 32 - “You know, Leonard Bernstein was one of the great composers and conductors of the 20th century. But sometimes, he would be gay. And according to a biography I read of him, when he was holding back the gay part, he did some of his best work.”

Chapter 33 - I grabbed it, drank all of it, and said, "It's perfume.”

Chapter 34 - I was just mowing down fat [New York] democrats.

Chapter 35 - Now, we don’t have time to unpack all of that.

Chapter 36 - I also don’t want me to be doing what I’m doing.

Chapter 37 - All I do is sit and dwell in the past.

Chapter 38 - That’s where we’re at conversation-wise in our relationship as a [father] and son, because I’m [16] and I don’t have [a girlfriend] to talk about and [he] doesn’t understand my [interests].

Chapter 39 - I had a good family, I have wonderful parents.

Chapter 40 - And I said “you can do whatever you want forever”. And he took my advice.

Epilogue - My [boyfriend] is a bitch, and I like [him] so. much.

[mtvswatches]

Wynonna Earp 2x08 No Future in the Past

Click here for previous recaps!

Stray thoughts

1) We begin the episode with a flashback of little Waverly running on very thin ice because evil Willa threw her stuffed rabbit there. You know, in case you needed a friendly reminder that Willa was the worst. Waverly uses this anecdote to explain how, in a way, she always knew she didn’t belong in the Earp family. Willa hated her, so that must mean she wasn’t one of them, right? Well, wrong, Waverly. Willa was the fucking worst and that’s the only reason she hated Waverly. Wynonna tries to comfort Waverly and argues she saw her come home right after the hospital and that she even named her herself (how cute!) But… the fact that their parents brought Waverly home as a newly born baby doesn’t mean she was their daughter, right? I guess we’ll soon find out. While Willa tried to kill Waverly, Wynonna saved her, although she doesn’t remember that part. History does repeat itself, doesn’t it?

2) The Widows pay JC a visit, and it’s not looking good for old Juan Carlos…

I truly hope they don’t kill him off because I was hoping we would find out more about him and what’s his role. He seemed like a prophet of sorts?

3) Doc is headed to the salt flats so I guess he’ll soon find out Clootie is gone and he’s in trouble, right? Also, kind of bummed because I thought he would go to the doctor’s with Wynonna.

4) Wynonna saw her baby for the first time and totally freaked out. I mean, the doctor is giving her lectures about taking proper care of the person growing inside of her and then suggesting adoption is a viable option and then boom, here’s your baby! She had, what? all of two or three weeks to process she was pregnant and the baby might be a revenant hybrid? I think she’s handling it quite well, to be frank. She didn’t want to know the baby’s sex, but I have a feeling it’s going to be a girl.

5)  Wait, what happened? Was Wynonna kidnapped?!

Was that blood?!

6) The truck that took Wynonna was JC’s, so that means the widows have her, right?

7) Nicole makes a GREAT point…

NICOLE: Waves, Wynonna remembers you coming home from the hospital. Okay? So, who are you gonna trust more, your sister or a sociopathic revenant in a fuzzy coat?

But to be safe, Waverly sent in the blood samples. Okay, I’m calling it, she’s not an Earp. Or she’s a hybrid. The latter. She’s hybrid. Calling it.

8) Rosita suggests they should throw Wynonna a baby shower, and that’s very sweet of her? Unexpectedly sweet.

9) Oh, he’s back!

10) So, JC did kidnap Wynonna, the question is why? Is he possessed by the Widows or something? It didn’t look like he’d survive that bite at the beginning… Is the Church where the third seal is located?

11) So… JC has apparently a curse of his own. He claims he’d like to give Wynonna answers but he literally can’t because his burden is “to survive and witness, never to decide.” He also says that Wynonna is “all choices,” which is kind of funny considering how she really didn’t get to choose whether she wanted to continue her pregnancy or not. He then proceeds to instruct Wynonna to go into the church and do a ritual that will show her the truth, but I feel he’s leading her into opening the third seal?

12) She thinks the ritual didn’t work but she left the gun there…

13) And now she’s talking to Doc and he’s ignoring her and WTF! She’s traveled in time?!

“When am I?”  That sounds like a line out of Back to the Future.

14) OMG BOBO IS BACK!!!

And he looks like Spike before he was a vampire?! And Doc is bullying him in front of everyone? He’s being an asshole and I don’t care for it one bit.

15) Doc tells Bobo to sod off, basically, and that he’s been dying since he was 14 years old. He starts coughing, and I’m afraid my prediction that he’s getting his tuberculosis back might be on point…

16) Bobo, on the other hand, seems like a righteous dude, and he expresses absolute loyalty towards Wyatt Earp, so this means that his relationship with the Earps goes way, way before he was a revenant. And how did he become a revenant? And now I’m imagining he’s Waverly’s dad and he gave her to the Earps to protect her and that’s why he had that weird connection with her since she was a little girl? Am I insane? Please, don’t tell me.

17) I really enjoy the call back to Waverly’s safe phrase from a few episodes ago, “tacos are tasty.”

18) Wynonna finds her way back to the church only to find a dying Bobo del Rey after Wyatt shot Sheriff Clootie and his THREE WIVES are pissed off. So, I guess, Clootie the Stone Witch was one of these widows and the other two are the ones that possessed Mercedes and her sister, right? But how did Bobo die and why did he become a revenant?

19) Father Juan Carlo! So this dude also goes all the way back, huh? Did he try to mediate between Constance and the two widows? Is that how he got cursed?

20) Rosita is being super friendly and sweet, and Waverly is kind of suspicious and so am I? Nicole is trying to understand Rosita from the outsider’s perspective, but I don’t know, it seems too iffy.

21) Dolls is threatening JC and the padre says “she needs to see the past if we have any hope for a future.” And what does it all mean?!

22) So… Constance Clootie locked her demon husband away with the three seals. I guess if the three seals are opened, the Big Baddie will be released in the present, right? If I’m correct, there’s only one seal left…

23) And the reason JC finally decided to intervene was that he’s dying. Is it because of the Widow’s bite? Why didn’t they kill him? I still think he might be playing Wynonna…

24) It turns out Wyatt shot Bobo while he was being held by Clootie as a human shield. And that’s how he became a revenant! Before dying, Clootie cursed Earp by saying that all those killed by Peacemaker will go to Hell until Earp’s death when they will be resurrected until the next Heir kills them all. So… Bobo became a revenant because of his loyalty to Earp. Constance offered to give him a way out if he helped her find her sons’ bones. And that’s how their deal was born.

25) Oh, no. The DNA results arrived and Nicole kept them hidden from Waverly because “she was trying to protect her.” She’s not an Earp, is she? I love Nicole, but… why would she take the choice from Waverly? I think this was the worst possible way she could’ve found out she was not an Earp. Instead of being there for Waverly to support her when she found out, Nicole kept it hidden from her and hurt her. I don’t like this.

26)  The third seal… is a ring on Doc’s finger, a ring given to him by Clootie since the moment she threw him in the well. Bobo was given a choice… rescue Doc, get the ring and be cured, and allow Doc and Wyatt to be reunited. Or let Doc in the well forever, die, come back as a revenant and fulfill Constance’s wish to get the bones of her sons back. I guess Bobo was very jealous of Doc and Wyatt’s relationship, wasn’t he? Was the guilt over this choice what led him to work with Wyatt after he was a revenant, even though they were technically enemies?

27) Oh, Padre JC…

28) Well, here’s demon Dolls to save the day…

It’s his love for Wynonna what brought him back, right? These two are going to be a thing, I feel it in my bones, but I’m Team Doc ugh! And now he mercy-killed JC and damn, I really liked him.

29) Aaaand the Widows are setting the church on fire while both Wynonna and Dolls lie there unconscious. Cool. Cool cool cool.

30) Now Bobo actually sees Wynonna and can talk to her and calls her his angel, and… did she give him his nickname? And told him to remember how much she loved Wyatt Earp even after he becomes a revenant. So…? This means this trip back in time altered their future? OMG! It did! She told him that his angel’s name was Waverly so that he would protect her!!! That’s why he’d always protected Waverly!

31) In return, Bobo saved them by ringing the Church’s bell and waking Wynonna up.

32) Shit, Bobo saved his angel.

Can I just say that I love the relationship between these two A LOT? Like, a lot.

33) Dolls actually counted the seconds Wynonna didn’t breathe. That’s sweet.

34) OMG how didn’t I realize this? WYNONNA DIED. For a few seconds, but she did die! THAT MEANS… the revenants will be back! BOBO WILL BE BACK?!

35) YASSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!

36) Wow, what an intense episode! I feel like this a pivotal episode in the show, isn’t it? A game-changer. Like, it goes back to the beginning of the story and sets up the future while tying some loose ends. I guess Waverly and Bobo are not related after all, but how amazing is it that Wynonna’s quest is the reason Bobo maintained a good relationship with the Earps and protected Waverly? And what will it mean for Waverly to have Bobo back? Will she go ask him for answers about her real parents? And will Wynonna dying have other ramifications? I mean, she’s sort of reset the cycle, hasn’t she? That means that another Earp must become the Earp when she turns 27. But if Waverly is not an Earp, then who?! Wynonna’s baby? Will they do a time jump? Is this a Connor situation? So many questions!

More questions: Wynonna mentioned how her mother called Waverly her “angel”, which is Bobo’s monicker for her as well. Could it be that Waverly is her mother and Bobo’s love child? I mean, she was looking at the test results as she remembered how Bobo rescued her, so that has to mean something, right? And if she is a hybrid, does that mean that she could still be an Heir? Can you tell that I’m obsessed with this storyline? Like, Wynonna’s one-night-stand mentioned that it had happened once before, so this has to mean something, it must be connected to the main storyline...

Even more questions: If the revenants are those killed by Peacemaker, not an Heir, does this mean that both Willa and Wynonna’s father might return as revenants? She did kill them with Peacemaker, after all. 

Even MORE questions: Where does this whole seal-in-the-ring leave Doc? Why were Wynonna and Dolls so cozy in the bed as if they were a couple? Has Wynonna’s quest altered their past and their present as well? 

TOO MANY QUESTIONS, I’M SORRY, BUT PLEASE DON’T ANSWER ANY OF THEM, I’M JUST TRYING TO ORDER MY THOUGHTS AND LET YOU KNOW WHERE MY MIND’S AT AFTER WATCHING THIS AMAZING EPISODE. 

I’m truly in love with this show, I think it’s the closest thing to Buffy in the sense of how it blends different genres while still being a mainly supernatural show and how it has the characters and their relationships at the forefront while building this captivating mythology. I’m super glad you all got me to watch this show! I just hope I finish watching season 3 before season 4 is released, I’d love to watch the new episodes as they come out!

37) Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!

[betelgeusessonajblog]

I shall be a dick cause I love you 😜💕 1 - 150

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

AJ: Raph

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

AJ: Outgoing

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

AJ: Raph, duh he’s everything.

4. Are you easy to get along with?

AJ: Nah, not really haha

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

AJ: Obviously he would

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

AJ: Tough but caring, smart, funny, can pick me up when I’m down.

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

AJ: Without a doubt *holds up hand with wedding ring on it* 

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?

AJ: Raven….I wanna save her…

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

AJ:…HAHAHAHAHA!!!! no

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

AJ:…Raph.

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

AJ:….Uuum….it’s just an ass pic I sent Raph before he ran into our room and fucked me senseless

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

AJ: Don’t have a 5 fave songs tbh

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

AJ:…I…is my spikes hair….? cause no one touches them 

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

AJ: Yep

15. What good thing happened this summer?

AJ: Since this is 2020 and Summer hasn’t happened yet I’m gonna say last year’s summer was good. Lots happened though

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

AJ: That’s my husband so yes17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

AJ; Yes, I have an Alien son18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

AJ: Brock? Eh not since a huge fight me and Raph got into

19. Do you like bubble baths?

AJ: Never tried them I don’t think

20. Do you like your neighbors?

AJ: Me and, Raph live away from people so

21. What are you bad habits?

AJ: God….um…shit I know I have a lot but I’m struggling to figure it out22. Where would you like to travel?

AJ: I like travelling so yeah23. Do you have trust issues?

AJ; Not really just depends24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

AJ: Breakfast with Raph, it’s fun talking.25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

AJ:….my…scars…26. What do you do when you wake up?

AJ: Depends its usually Afternoon or some times morning27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

AJ: I’m monochrome, I’d like different scale colours

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

AJ: Raph29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

AJ: No, Brock never said that once

30. Do you ever want to get married?

AJ: ALREADY AM!31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

AJ:…No hair32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

AJ: Don’t know33. Spell your name with your chin.

AJ:…Bite me bambi34. Do you play sports? What sports?

AJ: Mostly Martial arts stuff35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

AJ: Ugh…neither36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

AJ: One guy years back but I didn’t know my sexuality then so…

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

AJ:…Nothing really just…38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

AJ: Raph39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

AJ: I don’t really have a fave store to go to40. What do you want to do after high school?

AJ: I went to MU and that was a disaster41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

AJ: Some do…42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

AJ: I’m thinking of something or i’m too down to talk43. Do you smile at strangers?

AJ: Not really no44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

AJ: Been in space45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

AJ: Raph, without a doubt46. What are you paranoid about?

AJ: Fucking things up with my family

47. Have you ever been high?

AJ: No48. Have you ever been drunk?

AJ: Repeatedly49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

AJ: Nope50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

AJ: Dark red51. Ever wished you were someone else?

AJ: For years I always did52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

AJ: No scars….53. Favourite makeup brand?

AJ: Don’t use make up54. Favourite store?

AJ: None55. Favourite blog?

(Mun one: @thelostandforgottenangel cause she’s awesome56. Favourite colour?

AJ: Red57. Favourite food?

AJ: Hmm…Spaghetti58. Last thing you ate?

AJ: Raph’s ass *Sticks tongue out*59. First thing you ate this morning?

AJ: Cereal60. Ever won a competition? For what?

AJ: never61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

AJ: ALMOST got Suspended/Expelled62. Been arrested? For what?

AJ: Nope luckily63. Ever been in love?

AJ: Currently in love with the man of my dreams64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

AJ: God…that was way back in College me and Brock were talking then…we kissed after admitting we liked each other65. Are you hungry right now?

AJ: Nah I’m fine66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

//YEP 67. Facebook or Twitter?

Twitter68. Twitter or Tumblr?

Tumblr69. Are you watching tv right now?

AJ: Watching repeats of some old TV Shows70. Names of your bestfriends?

AJ: Besides Raph? Leo, Mikey, Donnie and, Raven71. Craving something? What?

AJ: Raph’s big cock72. What colour are your towels?

AJ: Eh white I think72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

AJ: Three73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

AJ: No, never had that kinda thing74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

AJ: None75. Favourite animal?

//Dog76. What colour is your underwear?

AJ: My jockstrap’s red77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

AJ:…Chocolate78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

AJ: Strawberry79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

AJ: Black80. What colour pants?

AJ: Also Black81. Favourite tv show?

AJ: The Walking Dead82. Favourite movie?

AJ: Rocky Horror Picture Show83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

AJ: Neither84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

AJ: neither85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

AJ: Never seen it don’t wanna86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

AJ: None87. First person you talked to today?

AJ: Raph88. Last person you talked to today?

AJ: Roger89. Name a person you hate?

AJ: My mom90. Name a person you love?

AJ: Raph91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

AJ: My Dad92. In a fight with someone?

AJ: Not currently93. How many sweatpants do you have?

AJ: None94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

AJ: Um one or two95. Last movie you watched?

AJ: one of the Fast and Furious movies, me and Raph watched it last night96. Favourite actress?

AJ: Hmm….too many tbh97. Favourite actor?

AJ: Same as before98. Do you tan a lot?

AJ: Never99. Have any pets?

AJ: a shared pet with Raph, one I bought him100. How are you feeling?

AJ: Tired to be honest101. Do you type fast?

//Yes102. Do you regret anything from your past?

AJ:….people I met in MU….Breaking promises to people103. Can you spell well?

//not really104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

AJ: No105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

AJ: Nope106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

AJ: Yeah Brock’s with breaking my promise to never drink107. Have you ever been on a horse?

AJ: Nope108. What should you be doing?

AJ: Raph~

109. Is something irritating you right now?

AJ: Not being able to help Raven110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

AJ: Raph, without a doubt111. Do you have trust issues?

AJ:…No this was already mentioned before112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

AJ: Raph113. What was your childhood nickname?

AJ….pass on that one114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

AJ: Yep115. Do you play the Wii?

//Yep116. Are you listening to music right now?

AJ: Nothing currently117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

AJ: No118. Do you like Chinese food?

AJ: Nope119. Favourite book?

AJ: Tomorrow When The War Began is one I love120. Are you afraid of the dark?

AJ: No121. Are you mean?

AJ: only when someone pisses me off122. Is cheating ever okay?

AJ: Never okay EVER123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

AJ: I don’t wear shoes124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

AJ: Kinda yeah125. Do you believe in true love?

AJ: I have that with Raph126. Are you currently bored?

AJ: Yeeeep127. What makes you happy?

AJ: My family128. Would you change your name?

AJ: Nah129. What your zodiac sign?

Libra130. Do you like subway?

AJ: Nope131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

AJ: Turn them down 132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

AJ…I Already said RAPH133. Favourite lyrics right now?

AJ: Don’t have any134. Can you count to one million?

AJ: Never had to135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

AJ:….too many tbh136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

AJ: Depends tbh137. How tall are you?

AJ: 6′6138. Curly or Straight hair?

AJ: Don’t have hair so139. Brunette or Blonde?140. Summer or Winter?

AJ: Summer141. Night or Day?

AJ: Night142. Favourite month?

AJ: Dunno143. Are you a vegetarian?

AJ: Nope144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

AJ: Doesn’t matter145. Tea or Coffee?

AJ: *Shrugs*146. Was today a good day?

AJ: Kinda147. Mars or Snickers?

AJ: Mars148. What’s your favourite quote?

Limits are meant to be overcome

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

AJ: I am one

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

AJ:…Spell shit

[ginakutagawaspersonalwhore]

S1E1: Pilot

1. THE FIRST BIT OF THIS EP ALWAYS HURTS MY TINY HEART!

2. The fakest looking fire TM

3. HOW DID JOHN GET OUT THAT FAST HE WAS UPSTAIRS????

4. Now Dean GO!

5. Sam and Jess are both hot my pansexual heart

6. Easy Tiger jfc

7. My boys fighting mfhhhh

8. Dean flirt Winchester TM

9. I'm a hoe for 2 Winchester boys.

10. DADS ON A HUNTING TRIP AND HE HASN'T BEEN HOME IN A FEW DAYS.

11. Ghost girl, also vv pretty.

12. Ugh I miss my happy boys.

13. THOSE LIL SHITS "WHY'D YOU HAVE TO STOMP ON MY FOOT?" "WHYD YOU HAVE TO TALK TO POLICE LIKE THAT?"

14. Sammy is sO FUCKING SMART THO DAMN

15. Noooo stop fighting!!!!

16. LoveDean trying to @ Sam for not telling Jess hes a hunter

17. "Well thats healthy." yoU NEVER TOLD CASSIE EITHER U JERK

18. WHOS DRIVING UR CAR AND DEAN PULLING OUT HIS KEYS OMF

19. They are nearly the same HEIGHT AWE

20. Dean fucking flung himself into the mud I'm

21. SAMS SMILE

22. "You smell like a toilet."

23. Im waiting for the scene where we find out just how willing Dean is to be bent over.. did i say that out loud.

24. Sam can pick locks sam can pick locks sam can pick locks

25. AHHH NO CHICK FLICK MOMENTS DEAN YOU LIKE CHICK FLICKS SHUT UP

26. "Alright, Jerk""bitch"

27. Sammy wanted to say sorry oh my god i love

28. The photo sam looks at, lil sammy is blonde and Dean has a short brown mullet???? Or thats what it looks like.

29. THE BROWN LEATHER JACKET WHICH I FORGOT TO GIVE MY THOUGHTS ON HERE

30. HE LOOKS DAMN GOOD IN OVERSIZED BROWN LEATHER G OD D a M N

31. ITS THE SCENE WHERE WE FIRST SEW HOW MUCH OF A FUCKING SUB DEAN IS.

32. "Dude 5-0 take off."

33. "You got anything thats real?" "My boobs." dEAN STOP

34. OOOOHHH ITS SUB DEAN AND HES SMILING

35. does dean fantasize abt being fucked over the hood of his car he is too damn happy to be bent over like that.

36. DADS JOURNAL IS HERE AND THE FEAR IN DEANS EYES IS REA L

37. Sam is so cute im dying

38. Hes so SOFT I LOVE HIM

39. 😢😢😢😢😢 I fell in love with Sam Fucking Winchester the moment he said "Do I have to?" And every moment of this ep rekindles that love.

40. God dean is so sweaty and hot

41. Whats happening to me,, hes handcuffed to a table and DAMN

42. That resourceful son of a bitch. Paperclip to unlock the cuffs.

43. SAMMY THOUGHT HE HIT SOMEONE HE LOOKS SO PANICKED OH MY GOSH MY BABY

44. Thats the scariest part of the ep tbh.

45. "You can't kill me I'm not unfaithful." Fuck i love loyal Samsquatch

46. NO MY BABY GET YOUR HANDS OFF HIM YOU WENCH.

47. Okay but like why does her touch only damage the t shirt? Like, wouldnt she have to go through the hoodie too????

48. Poor baby, the impala deserves better. Also i think i know why Dean doesnt let sam drive his car often after watching that.

49. Oh dresser to the crotch thats gotta hurt

50. "I'll tell you another thing if you screwed up my car, I'll kill you." plus Sammys grunt/laugh of discomfort equals hng fuck

51. Deans so hurt and sad by Sammy not wanting to go my hEART

52. Ugh i love their brotherly relationship.

53. nO I HATE THIS STOP KILLING SAMS WOMEN

54. Oh he thought she was in the shower and he was so happy :(

55. DEAN JUST KNOWS SOMETHINGS WRONG

56. POOR BABY HAS TO RELIVE THE TRAUMA OF HIS MOM

57. NOW SAM FULLY GETS IT AND I HATE IT

58. The anger in Sam I'm,,,, he is such a resilient powerhouse.

Final thoughts:

• Jess could've been such a good character I'mstill pissed they killed her off so fast.

• I love my shitty little brother Sam trope and y'all van pry it from my cold dead hands.

• Young! Winchesters are still hot asf.

• No offence to my John lovers but really, what the fuck John.

IT BEGINS.

[queatleharririus-blog]

Best and Saddest Moments in Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

17- The Prime Minister finding out that his secretary, Kingsley, is a wizard

33- Narcissa did everything for her son and family

49- Sirius left Harry his house!!!

69/70- Slughorn saying how Harry looks like his father, but he has his mother’s eyes and how Lily was one of Slughorn’s favorites

70- Slughorn mentioning Sirius…

76/77- Dumbledore saying, “… Sirius would have been proud of you” and “It was cruel that you and Sirius had such a short time together. A brutal ending to what would have been a long and happy relationship.” And then Harry saying, “It’s just hard to realize he won’t write to me again.” (I’m crying so hard) and the Dumbledore saying, “Spoken both like your mother and father’s son and Sirius’ true grandson!”

85- The Weasley clock always pointing to “mortal peril”

86- Mr. Weasley’s greatest ambition is to find out how airplanes stay up!

102- Harry’s O.W.L. scores

106- Harry finding out he is a Quidditch captain

110- It’s kind of sad that the Leaky Cauldron is empty

113- Sassy Harry ™ talking to Narcissa

114- Narcissa saying, “I expect Potter will be united with dear Sirius…” why did she have to say that?!?

117- Fred and George’s joke shop!

145- Slughorn fangirling over Harry

156- Tonks showing up to rescue Harry!!!

158- Tonks’ Patronus being a werewolf

180- “There’s no need to call me ‘sir,’ Professor.” more Sassy Harry™!!!

183- Slughorn saying “Harry, m’boy”!!! Also, Amorentia!

204- Okay the song though I’m laughing so hard I can’t breath

222- Hannah Abbott’s mom being found dead… I can only imagine how this feels…

242- More Sassy Harry™ when he said, “And they’d love to have me. We’d be best pals if they didn’t keep trying to do me in.”

246- Harry finding out Mundungus had stole stuff from Sirius’ house

249- Katie being cursed

334- Harry talking to Lupin! If only they actually wrote to each other throughout Half-Blood Prince and Deathly Hallows ughhh

341- Percy showing up on Christmas and Mrs. Weasley being so happy!

393- Ron eating the Chocolate Cauldrons that had Love Potion in them

403- Mrs. Weasley talking about how Harry saved half the family

414- Harry yelling at McLaggen

416- Harry pretty much wanting to kill McLaggen which is such a mood

446- So Voldemort really did jinx the DADA job

449- Ron saying “I love you, Hermione”

455- Malfoy has Crabbe and Goyle turning into girls ahahhahahahaha

462- Malfoy actually having feeling, he had been in the bathroom crying and I actually feel bad for him

464- “Goyle gave a high-pitched scream of terror…” If he wasn’t so evil, he would be one of my favorite characters

466- Tonks starting to cry when talking about Sirius (me too Tonks, me too)

467- Harry being oblivious as always thinking Tonks was in love with Sirius

471- Harry finally thinking to use the Felix Felics

473- The Montgomery sisters’ brother dying from a werewolf bite (that is so sad)

488/489- Harry telling Slughorn about how his parents died

512- He thought of his mother, his father, and Sirius (I don’t even know why I’m crying right now)

522- Harry feeling bad about hurting Malfoy (because he actually has feelings)

532- Harry seeing all of the pranks his dad and the rest of the marauders did

533- Gryffindor winning the Quidditch Cup and Harry kissing Ginny (finally)

545- Harry finding out Snape pretty much is the reason Voldemort went hunting for Harry and is the reason why Lily and James are dead (it’s fine I’m mad at Snape too)

581- The Dark Mark over Hogwarts

591- I feel so bad for Malfoy, he did everything FOR HIS FAMILY which is more than a lot of people can say

599- The D.A. and the Order of the Phoenix fighting the Death Eaters

608- Hagrid’s reaction when he saw Dumbledore

609- The letter in the locket

612- Bill got attacked by Greyback

614- Everyone finding out about Dumbledore’s death, but Remus’ reaction makes me want to cry

623- Fleur saying she will always love Bill!

624- Can Remus just shut up and accept the fact that Tonks loves him ugh

641- Everyone who showed up to Dumbledore’s funeral

[haikyuutrash11]

GET TO KNOW ME!

1:                                        My name?  Jess, but most online people call me Jet              

2:                                        Do I have any nicknames? I have loads of nicknames and I pretty much answer to slurred words too lmao             

3:                                        Zodiac sign? Taurus    

4:                                        Video game I play to chill, not to win? Overwatch                 

5:                                        Book/series I reread? Junjou romantica and a few others                

6:                                        Aliens or ghosts? I like both... but I guess aliens                 

7:                                        Writer I trust enough to read whatever they write? @yakulev-trash               

8:                                        Favourite radio station? don't have one... oh wait... maybe kerrang                

9:                                        Favourite flavour of anything? toffee               

10:                                        The word that I use all the time to describe something great? sick                

11:                                        Favourite song? worst question to ever be asked... fuck knows fam               

12:                                        The question you ask new friends to get to know them better? got any kinks? lmao               

13:                                        Favourite word? yaaaars               

14:                                        The last person who hurt me, did I forgive them? my ex and no I do not               

15:                                        Last song I listened to? post Malone better now              

16:                                        TV show I always recommend? the big bang theory or anything Michael McIntyre                 

17:                                        Pirates or ninjas? ninjas                 

18:                                        Movie I watch when I'm feeling down? I don't really watch a lot of films to be honest               

19:                                        Song that I always start my shuffle with/wake-up song/always-on-a-loop song? at the moment BTS- idol ft minaj                

20:                                        Favourite video games? overwatch, rayman, bloodbourne                 

21:                                        What am I most afraid of? losing my son               

22:                                        A good quality of mine? non judgemental                

23:                                        A bad quality of mine? quick to assume                

24:                                        Cats or dogs? dogs               

25:                                        Actor/actress you trust enough to watch whatever they're in? Jason stathem                 

26:                                        Favourite season? winter                 

27:                                        Am I in a relationship? no im happily single                

28:                                        Something I miss? lay ins                 

29:                                        My best friend? Jody and wife                

30:                                        Eye colour? blue               

31:                                        Hair colour? at the moment its half purple half red               

32:                                        Someone I love? Yaku! my omega :D               

33:                                        Someone I trust? my mum                

34:                                        Someone I always think about? my son                

35:                                        Am I excited about anything? Haikyuu season 4               

36:                                        My current obsession? Reinhardt x Lucio smut               

37:                                        Favourite TV shows as a child? Sailor moon and digimon                

38:                                        Do I have someone of the opposite sex that I can tell everything to? yeah, my gay American friend Jacob                

39:                                        Am I superstitious? nahhhh                

40:                                        What do I think about most? getting all my shit sorted                

41:                                        Do I have any strange phobias? ……. nunu from teletubies and wind turbines                 

42:                                        Do I prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? behind it                

43:                                        Favourite hobbies? writing, gaming, painting, drawing                

44:                                        Last book I read? deviations submissions                 

45:                                        Last film I watched? 47 ronin               

46:                                        Do I play any instruments? I used to play the violin and guitar. but don't anymore, although I do want to learn piano                

47:                                        Favourite animal? leopard                

48:                                        Top 5 blog on Tumblr that I follow? bun that               

49:                                        Superpower I wish I could have? telekinesis                 

50:                                        How do I destress? vape                

51:                                        Do I like confrontation? mate I love that shit                 

52:                                        When do I feel most at peace? when im cuddling my son                 

53:                                        What makes me smile? a few things... okay a lot of things but too many things to name                 

54:                                        Do I sleep with the lights on or off? off, what made man sleeps with them on?!?!               

55:                                        Play any sports? pfffffft               

56:                                        What is my song of the week? why is there so many song questions                

57:                                        Favourite drink? milk                

58:                                        When did I last send a handwritten letter to somebody? ………… hand...…. written...…. letter?               

59:                                        Afraid of heights? nope               

60:                                        Pet peeve? chewing gum loudly               

61:                                        What was the last concert I went to see? reading festival and I only went to see metallica lol                

62:                                        Am I vegetarian/vegan/pescatarian? no                

63:                                        What occupation did I want to do when I was younger? red arrow pilot               

64:                                        Have I ever had a friend turn enemy? yeah                 

65:                                        What fictional universe would I like to be a part of? Haikyuu… and I would be such a slut lol                

66:                                        Something I worry about? all the legal stuff im going through right now               

67:                                        Scared of the dark? embrace the dark                 

68:                                        Who are my best friends? what... like you want me to name them all?????                

69:                                        What do I admire most about others? honesty. if a person is honest with me all the way through then I will really appreciate them                

70:                                        Can I sing? don't think so                

71:                                        Something I wish I could do? dance and play the piano                 

72:                                        If I won the lottery, what would I do? treat my mum and dad to what ever they wanted and the fly over to Hawaii and be with my omega and then move to Japan               

73:                                        Have I ever skipped school? no kids don't skip school!               

74:                                        Favourite place on the planet? Tokyo                 

75:                                        Where do I want to live? Tokyo                 

76:                                        Do I have any pets? nope              

77:                                        What is my current desktop picture? Kuroo and Tsukki in suits sat on a sofa                

78:                                        Early bird or night owl? night owl                

79:                                        Sunsets or sunrise? sunsets               

80:                                        Can I drive? legally no               

81:                                        Story behind my last kiss? goodbye lmao               

82:                                        Earphones or headphones? headphones              

83:                                        Have I ever had braces? yes for 2 years then I didn't wear my retainer and they moved back lmao               

84:                                        Story behind one of my scars? I have a scar at the top of my finger where I caught it in the part of the door where it locks and I was on skates and slipped and chopped my finger off. I went running to my mum and she put the tip back on and rushed me to hospital lmao               

85:                                        Favourite genre of music? metal               

86:                                        Who is my hero? my mum                

87:                                        Favourite comic book character? do overwatch comics count? if so then Genji                

88:                                        What makes me really angry? having to repeat myself                

89:                                        Kindle or real book?  real book              

90:                                        Favourite sporty activity? *throws up*                

91:                                        What is one thing that isn’t tight in schools that should be? sorting out bullies                

92:                                        What was my favourite subject at school?                

93:                                        Siblings? yes 3... 2 sisters and 1 brother               

94:                                        What was the last thing I bought? bread                

95:                                        How tall am I? 5″8

96:                                        Can I cook? yes I can                

97:                                        Can I bake? indeed                 

98:                                        3 things I love? anime, Tsukki, and petals               

99:                                        3 things I hate? slow updates, not getting haikyuu season 4 and my ex lmao                

100:                                        Do I have more girl friends or boy friends? boy friends                

101:                                        Who do I get on with better, girls or boys? usually boys               

102:                                        Where was I born? Hastings UK                

103:                                        Sexual orientation? pansexual               

104:                                        Where do I currently live? Hastings                

105:                                        Last person I texted? my mum                

106:                                        Last time I cried? I couple of weeks ago                 

107:                                        Guilty pleasure? im not guilty about any of my pleasures ;)                

108:                                        Favourite Youtuber? the anime man                

109:                                        A photo of myself. nope                

110:                                        Do I like selfies? if im the one taking it                

111:                                        Favourite game app? summoners war               

112:                                        My relationship with my parents? really good with mum and a bit rocky with dad                

113:                                        Favourite accents? Australian                 

114:                                        A place I have not been but wish to visit? Hawaii to visit my omega                 

115:                                        Favourite number?  7             

116:                                        Can I juggle? not a chance                 

117:                                        Am I religious? science                 

118:                                        Do I like space? yes               

119:                                        Do I like the deep ocean? nooooooo                

120:                                        Am I much of a daredevil? yeah, stupidly sometimes ahahaha               

121:                                        Am I allergic to anything? peanuts               

122:                                        Can I curl my tongue?  yeah I can ;)              

123:                                        Can I wiggle my ears?  yeeeeeee              

124:                                        Do I like clowns? I don't hate clowns?               

125:                                        The Beatles or Elvis? the beatles                

126:                                        My current project? wildest dreams                

127:                                        Am I a bad loser? sometimes               

128:                                        Do I admit when I wrong? yes I do                 

129:                                        Forest or beach? forest                

130:                                        Favourite piece of advice? “each day is a gift and not a given right” 

131:                                        Am I a good liar? I am really!!! shit at lying. I twitch and stutter, its not pretty.                

132:                                        Hogwarts house / Divergent faction / Hunger Games district? Hogwarts house- Slytherin                

133:                                        Do I talk to myself? sometimes                 

134:                                        Am I very social? I can be                 

135:                                        Do I like gossip? its like asking if I like to breath                

136:                                        Do I keep a journal/diary? nahhhhh               

137:                                        Have I ever hopelessly failed a test? I failed a few tests                 

138:                                        Do I believe in second chances? yeah                

139:                                        If I found a wallet full of cash on the ground, what would I do? find the ID and return it                

140:                                        Do I believe people are capable of change? no                

141:                                        Have I ever been underweight? nahhhhhh               

142:                                        Am I ticklish? yes, very...its embarrassing                 

143:                                        Have I ever been in a submarine? I have but it wasn't going under water lol                

144:                                        Have I ever been on a plane? indeed I have                

145:                                        In a film about my life, who would I cast as myself, friends and family? rebel Wilson to be me, Melissa McCarthy to be my mum lol                

146:                                        Have I ever been overweight? yeah still am a thic bit ahaha               

147:                                        Do I have any piercings? yes I have 10                

148:                                        Which fictional character do I wish was real? Tsukki or Kuroo maybe even Yamaguchi for best friend material or Tanaka for banta                 

149:                                        Do I have any tattoos? yes I have 4                

150:                                        What is the best decision I have made in life so far? to break up with my ex lmao                

151:                                        Do I believe in Karma? 100%              

152:                                        Do I wear glasses or contacts? no I have perfect vision                 

153:                                        What was my first car? n/a                

154:                                        Do I want children? if I didn't then I would be pretty fucked now ahaha                

155:                                        Who is the most intelligent person I know? I did have a friend called Aaron and he was very very very very smart                 

156:                                        My most embarrassing memory? I don't get embarrassed                

157:                                        What makes me nostalgic? the smell of clay                

158:                                        Have I ever pulled an all-nighter? yes many times                 

159:                                        Which do I value more in others, brains or beauty? brains                

160:                                        What colour mostly dominates my wardrobe? black lmao!!                

161:                                        Have I ever had a paranormal experience? yeah loads lol                 

162:                                        What do I hate most about myself? my weight                 

163:                                        What do I love most about myself? ugh.... my humour lol                 

164:                                        Do I like adventure? hell yeah!               

165:                                        Do I believe in fate? yes I do               

166:                                        Favourite animal? …. wasn't this already asked? well in case you forgot! leopard                 

167:                                        Have I ever been on radio? nope                

168:                                        Have I ever been on TV? yes I have hehehehe               

169:                                        How old am I? 25                

170:                                        One of my favourite quotes? because we don't have wings we look for ways to fly                 

171:                                        Do I hold grudges? a few                

172:                                        Do I trust easily?  no I really don't               

173:                                        Have I learnt from my mistakes? yeah, its important to always learn from your mistakes               

174:                                        Best gift I’ve ever received? a child               

175:                                        Do I dream? I dream big fam                 

176:                                        Have I ever had a night terror? yeah and its fucking horrible and wouldn't wish it upon anyone!!               

177:                                        Do I remember my dreams, and what is one that comes to mind? I do remember most of my dreams. one that comes to mind was a very very smutty one between a haikyuu pairing but I wont say it because ill be adding it to wildest dreams hehehehehe               

178:                                        An experience that has made me stronger? a break up from a long term relationship has made me grow as a person                 

179:                                        If I were immortal, what would I do? try and become what ive always wanted to                 

180:                                        Do I like shopping? I love shopping but only if I know what im going for or if I have money to spend                

181:                                        If I could get away with a crime, what would I choose to do? murder                

182:                                        What does “family” mean to me? it means home                 

183:                                        What is my spirit animal? a leopard or a bunny lol                 

184:                                        How do I want to be remembered? I want to be remembered for having a sense of humour and for being very accepting                

185:                                        If I could master one skill, what would I choose? dancing                

186:                                        What is my greatest failure? not passing some gcse’s

187:                                        What is my greatest achievement? becoming a mum               

188:                                        Love or money? love                

189:                                        Love or career? career               

190:                                        If I could time travel, where and when would I want to go? to the future about 5 years                

191:                                        What makes me the happiest? when my son is laughing and when I talk to the people I love                 

192:                                        What is “home” to me? home is where the heart is                

193:                                        What motivates me? ive had to be my own motivator most of my life                 

194:                                        If I could choose my last words, what would they be? just lost the game               

195:                                        Would I ever want to encounter aliens? yeah but the seem to only kid nap dumb arses                 

196:                                        A movie that scared me as a child? robo cop lmao                 

197:                                        Something I hated as a child that I like now? toad in the hole               

198:                                        Zombies or vampires? vampires                

199:                                        Live in the city or suburbs? city                 

200:                                        Dragons or wizards? dragons                

201:                                        A nightmare that has stayed with me? dunno               

202:                                        How do I define love? it cant be defined by another person, each person has to figure out there own type of love and for what reason and if it matters to them then no one else can judge                

203:                                        Do I judge a book by its cover? hell no I don't! I love people for who they are as a person not there appearance                

204:                                        Have I ever had my heart broken? yes of course                 

205:                                        Do I like my handwriting? nahhhh my hand writing is horrible                 

206:                                        Sweet or savoury? savoury                

207:                                        Worst job I’ve had? caravan park... cleaning them ><               

208:                                        Do I collect anything? anime stuff!!! :D               

209:                                        Item of clothing or jewellery you’ll never see me without? shoes lmao!               

210:                                        What is on my bucket list? to move to Japan, to learn Japanese, to become an author, to learn an instrument.... the list goes on                 

211:                                        How do I handle anger? not very well ahahahaha               

212:                                        Was I named after anyone? no I wasn't                 

213:                                        Do I use sarcasm a lot? pfffft me? would I ever? of course not! *looks to the corner*                

214:                                        What TV character am I most like? ermmmmmmmmmmmm I would say a mix between Rosa from Brooklyn nine nine and Michael McIntyre                

215:                                        What is the weirdest talent I have? erm… I can twitch my nose and move my ears at the same time without touching them               

216:                                        Favourite fictional character? Tsukki 

[doorofmanyways]

Let's do this

1. Hell yeah. Love those guys. My mom and dad are so supportive and accepting.

2. My girlfriend.

3. Fucking constantly. I regret missing opportunities, I regret taking opportunities, I regret saying things, etc etc. But I dont regret a lot of the big stuff. Stuff you only do once. Like first kisses and whatnot.

4. All the time dude. I don't really tell this to people, so if you're reading this consider it a privelege. Most days, when I look in the mirror, I really dont like the person who looks back. I constantly question whether all this is worth it, I constantly question if I'm good enough, I rotate through the same 4 fucking outfits because i hate how I look in anything else, idk what this is but I'm a mess

5. Dating someone cute and interesting whom I like

6. In my sleep, alone in a cabin somewhere in rural Scandinavia where no-one will ever find me.

7. Chocolate

8. I fenced for a while last year.

9. No, it hurts my teeth

10. One year ago. Me and a buddy put on boxing gear and consensually beat the shit out of each other

11. I like a lot of people, both platonically and romantically. But, I am committed to my girlfriend and will not act on any of the romantic ones.

12. Once or twice, yeah.

13. I don't really hate anyone right now.

14. I miss my girlfriend. Havent seen her in a week.

15. I have an idiot fuzzy son.

16. Pretty neutral. I should probably take a shower or nap for a while.

17. No.

18. Nope. Love spiders.

19. Hell no. I'm not messing with that continuum shit.

20. Backyard of friend's house.

21. Sleep. It's also Christmas so spend time with family.

22. I dont really want kids. I want to be able to see the world. I want to experience all our Earth has to offer.

23. I dont have one but I'm not averse to getting one.

24. History. Always loved it, always will.

25. Not anyone off the top of my head.

26. A nice, long sauna.

27. Nope. Had my heart broken though.

28. Yeah. My old boyfriend went and started dating some other guy without having the decency to break up with me first. Then, a week later, they broke up and he came crawling back to me. I rejected him. Never feels good, so I dont think I will ever cheat on someone.

29. Yeah. When me and my boyfriend broke up, he cried.

30. I have to go to church later today. Ugh.

31. I would like to believe my dog, my girlfriend, and my family do.

32. Green.

33. I have issues trusting anyone I dont know really, really well.

34. Idk. I dont really remember my dreams.

35. I cant remember. I havent really cried that much.

36. Not really. If you kind of fuck shit up, I might give you a shot. But if you majorly fuck up and showed no remorse when you did it, bitch you OUT

37. Easier to forgive. If someone comes up to me and shows the initiative to ask for forgiveness, they will probably get it.

38. I would make that argument. I have been in 2 amazing relationships that taught me more about myself, I found my taste in music, had my first kiss, went to Finland, started speaking Finnish, met some badass friends, I would consider this one of my best years.

39. 14. It was pretty amazing.

40. I have been to finland, so yes.

51. Pears.

52. Not really.

53. Embroidered a patch.

54. No. Absolutely not. Unless the person you're cheating on is abusive or something, please never cheat.

55. I would like to believe I am fairly likeable and nice. But I can turn on the mean if you start going after me.

56. None.

57. Yes. I believe that people can love each other so much that there is no one else for them.

58. Heavy rain. God damn, rain smells, looks, and sounds so damn nice.

59. Hell yes.

60. Oh yeah. Being married sounds awesome. But I probably wont do that until I'm 30 or older. I. want some time to discover myself before marriage ties me down.

61. Eh. Feels a little douchey.

62. Good people, good food, good conversation, good music.

63. Nope. I'm pretty happy with my name.

64. No. I would absolutely kiss the last person I kissed, who is my girlfriend who I like very much.

65. Tell them I'm very flattered, but am currently in a relationship. Maybe in a couple years.

66. Yep.

67. My mom.

68. My friends.

69. Not really. How would that even work biologically?

70. Literally any of my friends, my dog, my gf, my family. Pretty much everyone I know.

[cmonxlegend]

Tagged by the awesome @timetogetfunkyrhysie​ and @maxbegone​ (thank you! :D)

Rules: you must answer these 85 statements and tag 20 people

Tagging: @sexy-scream @flashgloria @lattebloomer @missdictatorme @unchartedtrash @scootmcoot @hyperion-corp @rikkisixx and anybody else interested!

Let’s go!

THE LAST

1. drink: water

2. phone call: my mom

3. text message: my son @elves-dwarves-dragons-hobbits​

4. song you listened to: Lost Stars by Keira Knightley

5. time you cried: listening to music the other day; can’t remember what song, though

6. dated someone twice: godda date somebody first lmao

7. kissed someone and regretted it: nah

8. been cheated on: nah

9. lost someone special: my grandma’s coming to mind

10. been depressed: :)

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: haven’t tried alcohol yet

3 FAVORITE COLORS

12. blue

13. purple

14. red

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU

15. made new friends: one or two

16. fallen out of love: godda fall in it first

17. laughed until you cried: probably?

18. found out someone was talking about you: not that I know of

19. met someone who changed you: nah

20. found out who your friends are: eh. I only have like,, 2 lmao

21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: facebook’s gross

GENERAL

22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: sill gross

23. do you have any pets: a horse a couple cats still hang around AND MY SMOL DOGGO WHO I LOVE

24. do you want to change your name: nah

25. what did you do for your last birthday: watched Logan by myself. Thanks for making me cry on my birthday, @ hugh

26. what time did you wake up: noon?

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: reading, I think?

28. name something you can’t wait for: wINDOW TO THE ABBEY AND THE TOUR,,, PLEAS E

ALSO TWAU SEASON 2 BC IT FINALLY GOT ANNOUNCED AND I’M SO HAPPY

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: last night

31. what are you listening to right now: maroon 5

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: a Tommy, but not a Tom that I know of

33. something that is getting on your nerves: everything sometimes... and this dr appointment next week I’m already d r e a d i n g

34. most visited website: youtube, tumblr, twitter, probably google

35. hair color: really dark brown. kinda wanna dye it tho

36. long or short hair: reaaaly wanna get it cut bc it’s getting long ugh

37. do you have a crush on someone: nobody within reach lmao

38. what do you like about yourself: I give good hugs, I guess? and I do the thumb thing when I hold hands and apparently people like that?

39. piercings: too chicken lmao

40. blood type: ...you’d think I know with the amount of times I’ve had it taken, wouldn’t you?

41. nickname: han, hannah banana, hannah montana, hiccup

42. relationship status: single pringle

43. zodiac: pisces

44. pronouns: she/her

45. favorite tv show: steven universe and avengers assemble

46. tattoos: also too chicken. one day, maybe. also my family would kill me lmao

47. right or left handed: right

48. surgery: none yet, unless my dental implant counts?

50. sport: watching baseball is fun but I can’t play it lol 

51. vacation: DIDNEYWHIRL

52. pair of trainers: I’m always either in my vans or my brother’s sandals lol

MORE GENERAL

53. eating: cheese bread (at least that’s what the box says?)

54. drinking: water

55. I’m about to: play ddadds (if my laptop will run it)

56. waiting for: something?

57. want: to not feel like a a walking disappointment lmao  

58. get married: maybe one day, if I’m lucky. current experiences dictate that I’m very unlucky

59. career: idk man I’m not even good at anything

60. hugs or kisses: hugs are amazing and forehead kisses are the best thing since cheese bread lol

61. lips or eyes: both

62. shorter or taller: taller

63. older or younger: olde r

64. nice arms or nice stomach: probably arms for hug purposes

65. hook up or relationship: relationship bc I’d panic over a hookup lmao

66. troublemaker or hesitant: listen I’m hesitant enough for both of us, somebody’s godda balance me out

67. kissed a stranger: nah

68. drank hard liquor: no way lmao my dad would kill me

69. lost glasses/contact lenses: not yet, but I used to forget them at home all the time

70. turned someone down: yup

71. sex on the first date: highly unlikely

72. broken someone’s heart: not that I know of

73. had your heart broken: *stares @ tlou* ye s

74. been arrested: nah

75. cried when someone died: yup

76. fallen for a friend: nah

DO BELIEVE IN

77. yourself: hA good joke pal

78. miracles: kinda

79. love at first sight: kinda

80. santa claus: his name is north gdi does nobody remember rotg neh

81. kiss on the first date: eh

82. angels: yah

OTHER

84. eye color: gray :))

85. favorite movie: either rise of the guardians or the winter soldier

[azreaelthefallen]

Mun posts

Part 1: The Basics 1. What is your full name? Azreael Torsera Necros 2. Where and when were you born? January 4th long long time ago 3. Who are/were your parents? (Know their names, occupations, personalities, etc.) Lucifer necros and mariluna necros My dad is the king of hell and my mom........yeah. 4. Do you have any siblings? What are/were they like? Theres michael and amberlynn. Lynn is the youngest. Michael is the oldest. Hes.....ok. Just a lil too by the rules. Lynn......needs to chill 5. Where do you live now, and with whom? Describe the place and the person/people. I live in a moderately nice house with a young man named dean. Im taking care of him and trying to exorcise the demon thats possesing him. 6. What is your occupation? Doctor and demon hunter 7. Write a full physical description of yourself. You might want to consider factors such as: height, weight, race, hair and eye color, style of dress, and any tattoos, scars, or distinguishing marks. Ugh do i have to? Fine. Grey and black hair with bright blue eyes a scar over my right one black and blue hoodie with gold shackles and jeans and  demon tail. 8. To which social class do you belong? I dont know my dude 9. Do you have any allergies, diseases, or other physical weaknesses? ...........alchohol 10. Are you right- or left-handed? Ambidextrous 11. What does your voice sound like? Ive been told i sound like some dude from the show naruto. Uhhhh kakashi? 12. What words and/or phrases do you use very frequently? Fuck you. Uhhhh....can i order a large pepperoni pizza 13. What do you have in your pockets? My wallet. A thing. A small bottle of holy water i gotta be fucking careful with. My motorcycle keys 14. Do you have any quirks, strange mannerisms, annoying habits, or other defining characteristics? I do NOT Like being woke up. Part 2: Growing Up 15. How would you describe your childhood in general? Shitty 16. What is your earliest memory? Playing catch with my brother michael 17. How much schooling have you had? AL O T 18. Did you enjoy school? kinda? I liked collage 19. Where did you learn most of your skills and other abilities? ....i dont wanna talk about that 20. While growing up, did you have any role models? If so, describe them. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm probably my brother michael 21. While growing up, how did you get along with the other members of your family? My mom was the best as was mike 22. As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up? ....a hero... 23. As a child, what were your favorite activities? Gardening 24. As a child, what kinds of personality traits did you display? Determination and cleverness 25. As a child, were you popular? Who were your friends, and what were they like? No 26. When and with whom was your first kiss? A dude 27. Are you a virgin? If not, when and with whom did you lose your virginity? Why is this relavent 28. If you are a supernatural being (i.e. mage, werewolf, vampire), tell the story of how you became what you are or first learned of your own abilities. If you are just a normal human, describe any influences in your past that led you to do the things you do today. Im a an angel. Fallen now but i was born this way bitch Part 3: Past Influences 29. What do you consider the most important event of your life so far? .......italy 30. Who has had the most influence on you? Probably my best freind jackson 31. What do you consider your greatest achievement? Lol whats achievement. Kidding. Umm i once saved a train full of people 32. What is your greatest regret? Haaaaaaaaaaaa drinking 33. What is the most evil thing you have ever done? ...................lets not go there please 34. Do you have a criminal record of any kind? //SWEATS// meeeee oh heavens noooooo i dont have hahaha criminal record whats that...HAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA 35. When was the time you were the most frightened? ........... 36. What is the most embarrassing thing ever to happen to you? Woke up in a dumpster after doing weed 37. If you could change one thing from your past, what would it be, and why? ........................im not gonna say 38. What is your best memory? Probably when i met jackson haha. 39. What is your worst memory? .......................being alone Part 4: Beliefs And Opinions 40. Are you basically optimistic or pessimistic? Tries to be optimistic 41. What is your greatest fear? ........being alone..... 42. What are your religious views? No idea 43. What are your political views? Dont care 44. What are your views on sex? YOU DONT NEED TO KNOW 45. Are you able to kill? Under what circumstances do you find killing to be acceptable or unacceptable? If they are hurting people i will kill them. 46. In your opinion, what is the most evil thing any human being could do? No idea 47. Do you believe in the existence of soul mates and/or true love? I guess??? 48. What do you believe makes a successful life? Happiness 49. How honest are you about your thoughts and feelings (i.e. do you hide your true self from others, and in what way)? Not too honest lmaoooo 50. Do you have any biases or prejudices? No??????? 51. Is there anything you absolutely refuse to do under any circumstances? Why do you refuse to do it? Lets....not talk about that 52. Who or what, if anything, would you die for (or otherwise go to extremes for)? Anyone whos close to me. Part 5: Relationships With Others 53. In general, how do you treat others (politely, rudely, by keeping them at a distance, etc.)? Does your treatment of them change depending on how well you know them, and if so, how? Treat other people nicely and ill treat you nicely 54. Who is the most important person in your life, and why? I dont know honestly. I have alot of people i care about extremely much 55. Who is the person you respect the most, and why? Thatd be jackson. Hes helped me so much and honestly i couldn't ask for a better freind. 56. Who are your friends? Do you have a best friend? Describe these people. I have alot of freinds. I think. I hope they consider me their freind. My best freind is jackson blutstrom. Hes technicaly an alien but hes a doctor and a scientist. 57. Do you have a spouse or significant other? If so, describe this person. ....sorry haha...last one...kinda....ha........... 58. Have you ever been in love? If so, describe what happened. .....lets...not ok just....no stop 59. What do you look for in a potential lover? Just be there for me. And be kind. Love my faults as well as me. 60. How close are you to your family? Uhhhhh close i guess 61. Have you started your own family? If so, describe them. If not, do you want to? Why or why not? I have 2 sons arrow and vector. 62. Who would you turn to if you were in desperate need of help? Jackson. Or my brother Michael 63. Do you trust anyone to protect you? Who, and why? I dont want anyone to have to protect me im not worth it 64. If you died or went missing, who would miss you? Edward probably. Hes a good kid. Also Dean. And jackson. 65. Who is the person you despise the most, and why? Lets not go there either 66. Do you tend to argue with people, or avoid conflict? Argue lol 67. Do you tend to take on leadership roles in social situations? I guess leader 68. Do you like interacting with large groups of people? Why or why not? Its ok. 69. Do you care what others think of you? Yeah Part 6: Likes And Dislikes 70. What is/are your favorite hobbies and pastimes? I like puzzles and tv 71. What is your most treasured possession? My scythe 72. What is your favorite color? Blue 73. What is your favorite food? Pizza 74. What, if anything, do you like to read? Stuff about science 75. What is your idea of good entertainment (consider music, movies, art, etc.)? Law and order lol 76. Do you smoke, drink, or use drugs? If so, why? Do you want to quit? I drink. I used to smoke. Im trying to quit drinking. Not by choice though SOME ONE keeps stealing my alchohol 77. How do you spend a typical Saturday night? Sleeping and reasearch 78. What makes you laugh? I dunno how to describe it >:T 79. What, if anything, shocks or offends you? Gasp or slap or cry 80. What would you do if you had insomnia and had to find something to do to amuse yourself? Research or kill demons or both 81. How do you deal with stress? :))))) 82. Are you spontaneous, or do you always need to have a plan? Spontaneous. Im reckless as fuck 83. What are your pet peeves? Part 7: Self Images And Etc. 84. Describe the routine of a normal day for you. How do you feel when this routine is disrupted? Whats routine 85. What is your greatest strength as a person? NOTHING HAH eh though some people say its my patientce 86. What is your greatest weakness? Guess LOL 87. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? Everything 88. Are you generally introverted or extroverted? Whats the inbetween 89. Are you generally organized or messy? Messy 90. Name three things you consider yourself to be very good at, and three things you consider yourself to be very bad at. NOTHING AND EVERYTHING 91. Do you like yourself? N O 92. What are your reasons for being an adventurer (or doing the strange and heroic things that RPG characters do)? Are your real reasons for doing this different than the ones you tell people in public? (If so, detail both sets of reasons…) killing demons makes me feel like im doing something good 93. What goal do you most want to accomplish in your lifetime? You don't wanna know bub 94. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? : ))) 95. If you could choose, how would you want to die? Id like to be poisoned so i can suffer 96. If you knew you were going to die in 24 hours, name three things you would do in the time you had left. Visit jackson. Make sure deans in good hands and apologize to some people 97. What is the one thing for which you would most like to be remembered after your death? I dunno id just like to be remembered 98. What three words best describe your personality? Patient sad and lonely 99. What three words would others probably use to describe you? Sweet charming and generous 100. If you could, what advice would you, the writer, give to your character AZZIE YOU BITCH WAKE THE FUCK UP PEOPLE LOVE YOU I SWEAR TO GOD Jackson belongs to @mrhoneystreak Dean belongs to @gumiixu

[wolfhourr]

100 questions

I was bored af and tried to do these questions.

1. Is a kiss considered cheating? ya.

2. Have you ever faked an orgasm? Not one I could think of

3. If you could have one superpower, what would it be? probably flying

4. Do you think you are going to be rich in 7-8-9 years? hopefullyyyyy

5. Tell us some funny drunk story. Oh my god I know so many but a bunch of friends and I were celebrating midsummer and we had this wooden cross which we’d decorate with branches and flowers and one of my friends (he’s got long wavy hair) stole my flower crown and carried that cross halfway home through half of the town we live in and it was like half past 1 in the morning and the people on the streets were shouting ‘oh my god it’s Jesus’ all the time and that was freaking hilarious

6. Why are you no longer together with your ex? long distance isn’t cool

7. If you had to choose one way to die, what would it be? I don’t think of shit like this often but I’d like to have it quick and simple

8: What are your current goals? becoming a pro in photography (concerts mainly) and drone videography (basically shooting aerial footage for music videos and movies, that would be the most rad thing)

9. Do you like someone? I actually like a lot of people

10. Who was the last person to disappoint you? ugh, there are a few people who do that frequently but mostly band members

11. Do you like your body? parts.

12. Can you keep a diet? Nope I’m pretty weak regarding food

13. If the whole world listened to you right now, what would you say? Stop fucking killing each other and try to love everyone regardless of their origin or religion or sexuality or views

14. Do you work? I study Scandinavian Studies but I’ll be working as an aupair in Finland starting in August 2017

15. If you could choose only one food to eat for the rest of you life, what would it be? This is the toughest freaking question anyone has ever asked

16. Would you get a tattoo? I actually have 5

17. Something you don’t mind spending all your money on? concerts, cameras, things that make me genuinely happy

18. Can you drive? what? A car? A person insane? Like a fucking champ

19. When was the last time someone told you you were beautiful? my best friend aka Julienne that gorgeous shining bean

20. What was the last thing you cried for? my dad being my dad

21. Do you keep a journal? I have a scrapbook where I put random little things like receipts from vacations or stuff like that in and I also print out mini photos for it

22. Is life fun? What kind of question is this? Life’s an up and down

23. Is farting in front of people irrelevant? as long as they don’t hear it and you can smell it away

24. What’s your dream car? VW Golf R in metallic dark blue

25. Are grades in school important? As long as you don’t fail the class entirely or get kicked out of school it’s fine. Grades are so fucking overrated these days

26. Describe your crush. Ahahahaha he’s suuuuch a dork, especially whenever he’s drunk haha no but seriously he’s a dork and he get’s pretty touchy then

27. What was the last book/movie that really impressed you? uhh, can’t rememberrrr

28. What was your last lie? I really don’t lie often but maybe I said I wasn’t feeling well just to avoid going out with some friends

29. Dumbest lie you ever told? I think there are a lot of dumb things I told so I can’t really think of one specifically right now

30. Is crying in front of people embarrassing? depends on the people but generally yes even though it shouldn’t be

31. Something you did and you are proud of? my photographs of band members

32. Favorite cocktail? Not tasted all of em but I love Mojitos

33. Something you are good at? sleeping, eating, taking photos, being dumb

34. Do you like small kids? depends on the kids

35. How are you feeling right now? stuffed with lunch and tired but generally fine because life’s good

36. What would you name your daughter/son? daughter: Ebba son: Heinz-Ewald!

37. What do you need to be happy? music, positive vibes and photography

38. Is there someone you want to punch in the face right now? I’m a very non-violent person so nope.. maybe Trump tho

39. What was the last gift you received? my grandma bought me a new handbag yesterday and it’s fabulous

40. What was the last gift you gave? frozen flavoured water to my beloved Fachschaft

41. What was the last concert you went to? A Finnish band called ‘Wake The Nations’, I had the pleasure to take pics for them there hehe

42. Favorite place to shop at? C&A, H&M

43. Who inspires you? Sawyer Hartmann & Logan Henderson, actually a lot more human beings

44. How old were you when you first got drunk? I’m pretty good with alcohol so I have to drink a ton to get drunk and I’m a poor student so basically I was 20 (and I still am 20 lol)

45. How old were you when you first got high? never got there

46. How old were you when you first had sex? never got there either

47. When was your first kiss? 2013 lol

48. Something you want to do until the end of this year? staying in Finland haha

49. Is there something in the past you wish you hadn’t done? A lot of embarrassing things honestly

50. Post a selfie there are photos of me on this blog come on

51. Who are you most comfortable around? my best friends of course!

52. Name one thing that terrifies you. insects

53. What kind of books do you read? none honestly

54. What would you tell your 12 year old self? “Nick Jonas won’t marry you and never fall for boys, they won’t value your good heart”

55. What is your favorite flower? white roses

56. Any bad habits you have? I have many, can’t choose

57. What kind of people are you attracted to? ugh, I deffo don’t have a specific type of person, it really strongly depends on the person. It can be the metalhead in one of the other Fachschaften and it also can be the hot model or the mysterious musician whose head is in the clouds 99% of the time. As long as the person treats me right and isn’t suuuuuper weird it really can be anyone.

58. What was the last thing you cried for?  didn’t we have that question already

59. Is there something you don’t eat? Some food that truly disgusts you? Yaaaaa. I hate mushrooms, any sort of fish, snails, insects, basically all that stuff that Germans don’t eat, and oh yeah we have that thing called blood sausage here which is the most awful thing ever

60. Are you in love? all the time

61. Something you find romantic? lying in the grass at night time staring into the sky and talking is something I wanna do with someone special

62. How long was your longest relationship? 6 months? long distance I mentioned that

63. What are three things that irritate you about the same sex? - why do girls bath their faces in tons of make up EVERY SINGLE DAY like I don’t even wear more than mascara EVER - why do girls have to be so disgusting when it comes to public toilets and stuff - arrogance

64. What are three things that irritate you about the opposite sex? - superior behavior - beards - can’t think of the third rn

65. What are you saving money for? for my further studies in October 2018

66. How would you describe your bad side? bad..? 

67. Are you actually a good person? Why? I always try to be nice to people and approach them without any prejudice and I try to make people feel good in my presence

68. What are you living for? music and photography haha

69. Have you ever done anything illegal? I parked illegally a couple times lol

70. Do you like your body? check out question 11

71. Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally? I strongly hope I haven’t

72. Ever sent nudes? lmao nope

73. Have you ever cheated on someone? In my mindddddd lol

74. Favorite candy? Ferrero Rocher. I’d die for them.

75. Is there a blog you visit every day or almost every day? Tag it! nopeeee I’m sorry I’m lame

76. Do you play any computer games? What’s your favorite? I used to play Rollercoaster Tycoon and Sims 2-4 a loooooot

77. Favorite TV series? Riverdale!!!! And the old German series ‘Wege zum Glück’ which is such a soap opera but I’m a sucker for it still

78. Are you religious? Does God exist? There have been so many “coincidences” that make it hard to believe he isn’t existent. And also there’s so much positive stuff in my life right now, I think he led me where I am right now.

79. What was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why? I read a Swedish book from Henning Mankell about murders and it was cool

80. What do you think about vegetarianism/veganism? everyone is allowed to eat what they want, I don’t even careee

81. How long have you been on tumblr? since 2011/12, not sure

82. Do you like Chinese food? every now and then, yes.

83. McDonalds or Subway? Megges!

84. Vodka or whiskey? V!

85. Alcohol or drugs? only done alcohol so that’s it for me

86. Ever been out of your province/state/country? of course!!!

87. Meaning behind your blog name? it’s my favorite song by the Swedish band called ‘DNKL’

88. What are you scared of? not finding someone to spend the rest of my life with

89. Last time you were insulted? I tend to suppress things like this

90. Most traumatic experience? being taken away from my grandparents regularly when I was young

91. Perfect date idea? it has to do with sunsets and the ocean

92. Favorite app on your phone? Instagrammmmm

93. What color are the walls in your room? white

94. Do you watch Youtube? Who is your favorite youtuber? I love the vlogs from Lex&Los and I am obsessed with the videos of the Swabian comedian Dodokay.

95. Share your favorite quote. boy there are so many I can’t even come up with one right now

96. What is the meaning of life? finding that one passion and doing everything to live that passion every day

97. Do you like horror movies? N O P E

98. Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened? probably my birth has made her cry at some point

99. Do you feel lucky or special in a way? the way some bandmembers treat me is truly something special hehe yes

100. Can you keep a secret? for sure!

[mtvswatches]

Jane the Virgin 2x13 Chapter Thirty-Five

Spoilers disclaimer (please read before sending messages or writing comments.)

Click here for previous recaps!

Stray thoughts

1) So, it happened…

Question is, is it going to last…? Or will it be over by the end of the episode, as per usual?

2) When your ship finally gets together…

3) So, Rogelio and Xiomara broke up and they’re spending the next morning together having breakfast? I truly hope this will last… 

4) I loved this ad!

Kind of seems like the trailer for a B horror movie, doesn’t it? 

5) If I needed any more reasons to not like Rafael…

6) And I like Lina 10000% more…

JANE: So you weren't drinking at work. LINA: Oh, of course I was drinking at work. But ever since they put in the new rules, I bring my own booze.

7) And the moron is back at it.

Also, I still don’t believe Rose is dead. She just can’t be. She couldn’t have been so careless as to fall for that trap.

8) Ugh, Rafael is the worst okay? Jane told him about her feelings for Michael and he just went “No” as if he had any saying in who she can or cannot date? Excuse YOU?! And he keeps saying Michael is a “bad man” or whatever but all Michael has ever done is love Jane, rescue their baby, and punch Rafael. Well, that makes him a good guy in my book. Jane does a great job of pointing out how hypocritical he is when he says he doesn’t want Michael around his family because he’s a “bad, bad man” but has zero qualms about having Petra around when she still has to prove she’s fully redeemed. Petra has done some of the shadiest things in this show, including covering up for her mother’s crimes and getting herself impregnated with Rafael’s semen without his knowing. I keep feeling Rafael always wants to have his cake and eat it, too. And you know what I say to that?

9) “It’s nice to see that now you’re single, you’re dating dad.” That is exactly what I thought! This hardly seems like a break, considering they’ve had breakfast and dinner together since they broke up. I guess they’re still processing? I think they’ll be apart for a while, but I seriously cannot fathom these two not being together. They’re this show’s endgame couple, in my eyes.

 10) Fets chips?

This kind of feels like an homage to Community’s Let’s.

11) How did I not see this one coming? Of course it’s the Moron.

And of course she’d be stealing booze and letting the help get the blame...

12) What bizarre version of Brave Heart is Rogelio filming? I NEED TO SEE IT!

I desperately need to see this time-traveling masterpiece! 

13) Is Paola Lola, the stalker? I’m calling it.

14) I really don’t understand why Michael is made out to be the bad guy because he punched Rafael – which, okay, not cool – when Rafael literally turned him and almost ruined his career on a whim because of petty jealousy AFTER Michael had rescued their son? Why isn’t Rafael the one doing the apologizing? I DON’T GET IT!

15) When my OTP finally gets back together but I need to play it cool...

Also, I really like that Jane turned to Rogelio for advice, and how they’re helping each other with their relationship issues. 

16) I CALLED IT!

17) This is some fanfiction shit and I’m here for it.

And how long did they last apart? Not even three days… I really don’t know if the writers will be able to keep these two apart. Like, I know that right now they do need some time off, but I can’t imagine them not being together or, god forbids, being with other people. 

18) Xiomara is going to break Rogelio’s heart again, isn’t she?

19) She kind of did, but not really? I mean, they had a very mature talk about how they need to actually stay apart because she is not changing her mind, which I totally respect and I’m kind of looking forward to the writers sticking to this. As a woman who has zero interest in having children, I really feel that’s a storyline that’s rarely portrayed in media. It seems as though writers do not know what to do with these women after a while, as if eventually the only way to make their lives meaningful is by having them have a family. Yes, Xiomara did have a child, but that wasn’t truly an informed choice. Now that she is mature enough to make one, she’s realized she doesn’t want to have any more children, and that is totally okay. On the other hand, I truly feel Xiomara and Rogelio belong together, so I fear the writers might have written themselves into a corner by having them have so polarizing opinions about having children. How will they reconcile if neither of them gives in and changes their mind? Does it have to be Xiomara the one who does? I don’t want her to, but at the same time, I want Rogelio to get what he wants. There must be some loophole, it is a telenovela, after all.

20) OH.

Jane didn’t ask him to, but that would be a huge sacrifice, wouldn’t it? 

21) She does look gorgeous.

22) Ugh, everything reminds her of Rogelio! It’s so sad! 

23) Rogelio is willingly giving his stalker all the intel she needs to go Misery on him and what’s going to happen to him? Do not touch my fave! 

24) OMG, I died!

25) *slow clapping*

 JANE: Michael is willing to give up his job. Does that make it okay? I didn't think so, because it's not about that. The problem is I'm choosing him. And I am choosing him. Either accept it, or don't, but if you don't, you're the one who is making it worse on our son, not me.

And I might be cold-hearted but his “I don’t want to be replaced” does not make me feel sorry for him nor do I understand him any better.

You don’t want to be replaced? Then you should go out of your way to make sure that you are indeed irreplaceable for your son. You go be with him as much as you can, you show up for everything, you change diapers, you take him to school, you play with him, you act like a father, and that’s how you won’t be replaced. Not by holding your kid hostage so that his mother doesn’t move on with someone else… Unless, of course, what he means is that he doesn’t want Jane to replace him as her partner... 

26) I guess he is making himself irreplaceable… for Petra’s children. And what about Mateo?

27) *slow clapping again*

PETRA: What happened?

RAFAEL: Excuse me? PETRA: I'm guessing Jane rejected you in some way, so now you're here? I'm not a second-class citizen, Raf. But I'm not a second choice, either. You should go.

This guy! He just cannot fathom being rejected, right? Why doesn’t he just focus on being a good father and a good man, and let the rest happen organically? He’s like a fucking ping-pong ball going back and forth between Petra and Jane, declaring his undying love to either depending on who rejected him earlier. I’m borderline hating him now. I guess idiocy runs in the family.

28) Seriously?!

29) Well, I didn’t expect them to last a single episode…

Kudos to them. I should keep count, though. I wouldn’t be surprised if there are problems in paradise in the next one. 

30) Uh-oh…

31) The scariest words he’s ever heard… 

32) That’s an interesting cliff-hanger. I’m not too scared for Rogelio, though. I think they’ll use the kidnapping as comic relief, as opposed to Mateo’s kidnapping, for instance, which was played for drama. It might serve as a cathalyst for Rogelio and Xiomara to stay together or stay apart. On another note, I’m high-key hating on Rafael now, and I’m curious to see if I could be finally swayed into not only liking but also rooting for Michael. We’ll see.

33)  Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!

[blueisntok]

85 Question Game

@juvycakes tagged me ; if you don’t want to read all the post to see who I tagged, well spoiler alert: I tagged everyone

Last :

1.drink: water with orange slices….I feel basic 2.phone call: A private college I am not planning to go to (btw @edelwary Congrats!!!!) 3.text message: a group chat, it was a picture of the explanation on how to solve a math problem 4.song you listened to: “Ride” twenty one pilots 5.time you cried: this morning but shhhh that’s a secret 6.dated someone twice: I have never dated anyone #Forever alone 7.kissed someone and regretted it: again I have never kissed anyone 8.been cheated on: do I even have to say this again? 9.lost someone special: nah 10. been depressed: …..I….think I am, but I don’t want to burden my mom by asking her to take me to get help 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: i drink but I don’t get drunk, I have high alcohol tolerance and I know when to stop drinking

3 favourite colours 12. Blue☆ 13. Red (nice klance reference) 14. Purple (lmao blue+red)

in the last year have you 15. made new friends: Internet friends! Irl just acquaintance(through internet people have a bonus, irl it’s harder to become my friend) 16. fallen out of love: yeah….. 17. laughed until you cried: yup, a friend of mine is also the teacher’s son, and this one day he was talking in like a group and made a face and omg he looked just like my teacher, it was so funny for everyone atm cause then he was super confused as to why everyone was laughing and that made it x10 times better 18. found out someone was talking about you: shit? Yeah, cool things? Yeah 19. met someone who changed you: mmmm…nope 20. found out who your friends are: ….wym? 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: go back to question 7 please

General:

22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: i don’t even have Facebook 23. do you have any pets: a pug, two Chihuahuas and a guinea pig called shiro 24. do you want to change your name: maybe….idk, I think I am fine with mine but if I ever have to run away then I have a couple in mind 25. what did you do for your last birthday: went to a restaurant with some of my friends! 26. what time did you wake up: 9am 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: tumblr :3 28. name something you can’t wait for: Voltron season 3, graduating from highschool, finding out if I was accepted into the physics career on college 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: like I am seeing her rn 31. what are you listening to right now:“let’s face it I’m cute” 11 acorn lane 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: no…? 33. something that is getting on your nerves: stupid/useless/lame people, UGH this one girl from school comes into mind and just UGH 34. most visited website: Tumblr 35. hair colour: brown almost black in the shadows or artificial light, but it’s more like brown almost red in natural light, it’s weird blame my genes 36. long or short hair: Long and curly so hell 37. do you have a crush on someone: yeah….rn I am a bit confused cause I like this girl and now I also think (keyword: think) I like this one boy who is also know…. 38. what do you like about yourself: physically nothing, but on other things, my brain, my sass, I like my personality 39. piercings: my ears, 2 on my left ear and one on my right ear 40. blood type: O+ …what? I need to know what type of blood I have, I am a curious person, plus I needed to know it so that i can fit it in my “Zombie apocalypse survival plan #1 and #2” 41. nickname: blue, satan, fenn, shorter versions of my name 42. relationship status: single af 43. zodiac: virgo 44. pronouns: she/her 45. favourite tv show: Doctor who and Voltron 46. tattoos: nah 47. right or left handed: right 48. surgery: nope 50. sport: i used to do a lot of things(yoga, swimming, Karate, I did ballet when I was like 4) but now a days no 51. vacation: next ones are until November 52. pair of trainers: what?

MORE GENERAL

53. eating: Sweets, but I usually have balanced meals, 54. drinking: more Strawberry Juice, Tea, Sweet iced tea, Vodka, whisky (wait what?) 55. I’m about to: go back to study for my math final 56. waiting for: klance to be canon, my suffering to end, the void to take me 57. want: rest, I am so fucking tired rn, also I want some white tea 58. get married: maybe? I mean first I need a partner 59. career:physicist(astro or quantum physicist)

WHICH IS BETTER: 60. hugs or kisses: hugs but just with people I am comfortable with (AKA:A selected few) and I am a lowkey cuddler, also I have no experience with kisses so idk 61. lips or eyes: eyes, there is something about them idk it’s beautiful 62. shorter or taller: *insert El Dorado gif of both is good* 63. older or younger: older 64. nice arms or nice stomach: …can I say bothh again? 65. hookup or relationship: relationship 66. troublemaker or hesitant: ummm neither? I mean I am fun but I think before I act, but I am also sure on my decisions

HAVE YOU EVER: 67. kissed a stranger: NO FOR FUCKS SAKE 68. drank hard liquor: yup, I like it 69. lost glasses/contact lenses: yup, they were in my head…. 70. turned someone down: my parents :( sorry mom and dad! 71. sex on the first date: I am not even gonna answer 73. had your heart broken: yeah….I don’t want to talk about it 74. been arrested: nope 75. cried when someone died: no one close to me has died and with people I just know I haven’t, cause I barely knew them, and that won’t bring them back 76. fallen for a friend: yup, I refuse to say more than that*groans* fml

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 77. yourself: yeah, I know my abilities and I trust my knowledge 78. miracles: ….no? 79. love at first sight: yup 80. santa claus: 1) I used to believe in “el niño Jesús ” not Santa 2) not anymore 81. kiss on the first date: if it was a good date, but how will I know, I have never dated anyone 82. angels: …I am an atheist….

OTHER: 84. eye colour: brown almost black 85. favourite movie:……………………………………………….idk now I tag everyone, just like I said I would