#ugh I’d go back to work for the mouse now

[heyidkyay]

And I'm petrified of being alone, now |

Part Twelve

Matty Healy x reader

Summary: She’s just trying to get by, really. What with being a single parent to her four year old son whilst simultaneously trying to kick start a successful career as a radio presenter. She’s got everything she’s ever wanted though, friends close by, a mum who’s merely a phone call away, and of course her baby boy. What else is there to wish for? But then, it’s not long before her relatively normal life gets upended and turned on its head, and she’s suddenly forced to deal with situations she’s never even thought to imagine.

What happens when one mention of a certain controversial singer on her show sends a flood of unexpected challenges her way? 

Authors Note: This part took way too long to write. Had a bit of writers block ngl, but I managed to get it done last night when I couldn't sleep. Be prepared for a load of fluff but also some surprises. It's a good chapter, I enjoyed writing it once I finally got into it! But I'm also sorry for long wait! Hopefully the next will be along soon.

> Just a reminder! We left off on the red carpet with Mouse and Matty:) You can look back here if you'd like!

Masterlist

Mouse Updates! @/MOAMupdates 22m ago GFC Charity Event! The gals are currently live and interviewing The 1975! So far we’ve had Jamie Bell, Peter Capaldi, Dylan and Jordan Banjo! 2TIME @/user1 WHAT was that? 102 @/user2  chemistrychemistrychemistry Ugh! @/user3 SHE COOKED FOR HIM?? Soloveme? @/user4 What’s going on at this event?? It’s all over my feed😭 MILK @/user5 Screaming this is honestly all so mental Parisin75 @/user6 Wait so they’re friends now? Or is something else happening?? > Too_shy @/user7 Last time I checked but he seemed so happy on the carpet, and he wouldn’t look into the lens at all. His eyes were always focused just above it, either on Adi or Mouse! >> Drumonmepls @/user8 Couldn’t have been Adi!! She was to the left of Ross on and off screen!

***

It was days after the event that things seemed to finally settle again. For Matty, at least. Me? I was still getting the odd DM and tweet here and there, but I couldn’t complain, not with how it had been at the very start. Hordes upon hordes of people had come to make their opinions known on the stance of Matty and I’s ‘sudden’ friendship; fans had taken to both Twitter and Instagram, they’d called into the show, and a few had even turned up outside of the studio.

Matty had been helpful throughout it all though, mainly just finding ways to take my mind off of it and sending security down to the building just to ‘be on the safe side’. It’d been a nice gesture, sweet even. But had also meant that his management team had cracked down on him and the band, cooping the lot of them up in a recording studio and pressing them to finish up the album they were currently working on.

That in itself hadn’t affected me much, the whole Matty being distracted by work thing, because it had happened around about the same time that prep work for the Christmas period had kicked in. Which was basically a time where Adi and I focused on pre recording a few shows so that we could sail smoothly into the new year.

This year it had been hectic, to say the very least, but Finn had been a Godsend. Offering to pick up Teddy from nursery on the days when we were filming late and even keeping him occupied on the one weekend that we’d lost the previous day's audio- which had been a fucking nightmare.

Today though, was finally a day where I got some time to myself. Well, myself and Teddy, seeing as I’d completely and utterly missed him even with only having been gone a few extra hours in the day than usual. Still, the kid was my little ball of light and without him I’d be utterly lost.

“Alright there, Teds, what’re you drawing?”

It was a Sunday, the 17th to be precise, and so we only had a week and a bit left in the lead up to Christmas. I’d spent the morning wrapping most of Teddy’s presents before he’d woken and demanded sustenance- which, fair enough. But he was always a little moody whenever he first woke up. Bit like me, I suppose. And so, whilst I’d started cooking him his breakfast, I’d settled him down at the table with some paper and pens to keep him distracted, an old album by The Cranberries playing.

“Plane.” The toddler retorted easily enough, tongue poking out one side of his mouth in utmost concentration.

Grinning at the small action, I settled a cup of juice before him and then stroked a hand through his unruly hair. “Is that for mémé then?”

Teddy hummed, nodding his head at the odd angle it was resting at. I chuckled, always enamoured by his every little thing.

“That’s brilliant, bubs! I’m sure she’ll love it.” I assured him softly, trailing my fingers through his hair one last time before withdrawing to finish up with cooking.

“How many days?” Teddy asked once I’d plated everything up and taken my seat beside him at the table, immediately I knew what he was on about- seeing as he’d only asked the same question a dozen times a day since the last time we’d phoned my mum.

I pretended to think about it long and hard. “Um… about this many days.” I said, holding up six fingers.

Teddy’s brow instantly furrowed as he set about leaning as close as he could get over the tabletop to point towards each of my fingers. “One, two, three…”

“Six!”

I beamed once he’d finally got it, clapping along with him. “So good, you clever boy! Six- six days til mémé gets here!”

Teddy repeated the words in a breathy murmur, grinning gummily back at me as he wiggled in his chair. Then it was just “six” over and over again for a short while.

I tittered faintly to myself, shaking my head before we went about the rest of our breakfast in much the same manner.

It was almost ten to eleven when the doorbell went and I frowned at the thought of who it could possibly be.

“Mum, door.” Teddy informed me, still so invested in his colouring. I hummed softly in turn, wiping my hands before getting up to go answer it.

“Remember to put the lids back on.” I reminded him about the pens, tucking his hair behind his ear as I rounded his seat, “I’ll just be a sec, okay?”

“‘Kay.”

I smiled softly at his monosyllabic reply, listening to him mumble to himself as I padded my way into the hallway. From here I could just make out the darkened shadow standing on the other side of the door’s paned glass and flicked through a mental list of who it could possibly be, wondering if I'd forgotten anything that was supposed to be happening today. But I reckoned it could just as easily have been Finn dropping by for an impromptu visit, or Adi even.

Flicking the latch and pressing down on the handle, I opened it up only to blink at the figure that stood before me. They gifted me an impish grin as they pushed away from the door’s stoop and onto steady feet.

“Figured I’d just pop by, say hello.” Matty mentioned by way of hello, fiddling with an unlit cigarette he held between his fingers whilst I continued to stare back in surprise, “Studio’s been booked for the day, so I managed an easy escape.” He added when I made no move to reply, “Thought we could grab a coffee or something- if you ain't busy, that is.”

He tacked that last bit on in a rush, as though he was beginning to understand why I was so silent. He’d really, really caught me off guard here.

“Er, I mean it’s a bit out of the blue and that. Should've really texted, I know. But I figured I'd try my luck.” He blundered again, shifting awkwardly on my front step now, looking enough out of place for it to finally blink me out of my stupor.

“I-” I went to say but was ultimately interrupted by another voice from further inside the flat, one that was approaching on toddling feet all too fast for me to react to its sudden presence.

Matty’s eyes bulged a tad at the little face that poked its way out from behind my knees, and mine followed when it finally hit me what was actually happening. 

“God, sorry! You just- it’s- I just wasn’t expecting you.” I fumbled, arms reaching down on impulse to pick up the toddler by my feet. I forced out a heavy breath before plastering on a big smile for Teddy, who only seemed to have eyes for the curly haired man staring back at him. “Um, you wanting to come in then? I can do tea, I think. Coffee, even.”

I didn’t really give Matty much of a choice in the matter though, in truth, because I was sailing away to escape the sudden scenario that had started on my doorstep, simply so that I could wrap my head around it all. It was just as I made it back into the kitchen that I heard the door rattle close behind us though and then, as I'd perched Teddy back in his seat, I glanced up to find that Matty had in fact accepted the offer of a warm brew.

It was strange to watch it all fall into place for him, his eyes straying over toys that littered the livingroom floor, the tiny bike which sat in the corner, the star-chart that hung on the cupboard above the fridge, all of Teddy’s artwork and clothes that had been thrown about haphazardly over the last day or two.

I swallowed around my anxiety then, not really sure how I felt now that I knew that Matty finally knew. Because see, I had never really been sure. Teddy wasn’t much of a well kept secret amongst my longtime listeners but I didn’t go flaunting pictures around or mentioning him at every turn. For safety reasons and privacy’s sake. So I hadn't been too certain on whether Matty knew of him or not, having noticed that he’d failed to ever mention him in our texts or calls.

“Um, sorry for the mess. Work’s been a nightmare, and this is my first proper day off in weeks, you know? So." I shrugged a little helplessly, looking out at all of the chaos, then decided to pull on my big girl trousers and trek through this mess like I did everything else in life. “Tea, then? Or coffee?”

The small cough that escaped Matty’s throat echoed around the room once he’d found purchase in the kitchen’s entryway and his voice was tinged with a slight rasp when he finally spoke, “Yeah, uh yeah, please. Coffee.”

I smiled mostly to myself as I turned away to refill the kettle, my mind still whirling but finding relief in Matty’s obvious shock too. Whilst it began to boil though I had nothing much to occupy my mind with, so I decided to putter back on over to the table where Teds had started back up with his drawing and attempted to relax my shoulders. 

“Go on, sit down,” I said to Matty, pointing to a chair as I tried to steer us back into easier waters, “Feel lucky you just missed breakfast, this one tends to get it everywhere.” I chuckled lightly in hopes to fill the quiet I was met with.

Teddy glanced up at me then with a prominent pout, obviously not too pleased about my comment.  “No.” He argued and I heard Matty snort as he finally took a seat opposite, leaving Teddy to act as the buffer between us both.

“Uh, yes.” I fired back at the toddler, but little good it did me when Teddy only seemed to maintain his avid disagreement. 

“Uhuh. I eat it all today.” He reminded me, lips pushed out as his brows climbed higher up his forehead, leaning against the table’s edge again on his elbows. “See?” He added on, pointing a finger over towards where a sink full of soapy dishes now laid.

I smiled, unable to do anything but, though it was Matty who actually replied to him, which both surprised me and put me on immediate edge. “I mean, the little guys got a point. If you ate it all then there can’t be any mess, right?” He directed that last bit towards the little rugrat attempting to evade all guilt and I paused in wait to see how Teddy would respond.

Teddy appeared wary for a moment, blinking over at Matty in a startle, probably having not expected to be roped into a conversation, before his lips settled into something more like a grin. “Right!” He mimicked with a short nod of his head, his ‘r’ sounding more like a ‘w’.

Matty all but beamed at the sudden attention he’d drawn and continued to do so once Teddy started prattling away to him at a hundred miles an hour. I just left them to it, listening in as I padded back over to finish making the drinks. 

It was only after Matty had just about knocked back most of his coffee that Teddy grew tired of talking and asked if we could do something fun, eyes drifting over towards where we often kept his wellies. I knew just what fun he was looking to find.

I conceded easily enough, seeing as it was both his day as well as mine, and smiled with a gesture of my chin, “Go on then, but brush your teeth and find some proper clothes, then we can head on over. Alright?”

Teddy’s head shook up and down in rapid succession, already bolting up out of his seat to make a run for his bedroom. Matty wore an inquisitive look once it was just him and I, both of us sat on opposite sides of the table.

“The park.” I informed the singer, fiddling with the handle of my now empty mug whilst my eyes kept sliding back and forth from the counter to Matty himself.

The man simply hummed and leaned back in his seat, I was forced to watch on as he cast his eyes about the rest of my kitchen, taking his fill now that he had a moment to finally do so. I swallowed and struggled with the unforeseen worries of what he might see, what he might think of it all.

I wasn't well off, by any means. But I had a decent income, enough to provide for Teddy and I, as well as live comfortably. Though if the radio show suddenly dipped and we lost most of our viewing, then there’d be a whole different story to be told.

Even so, it was a much different life to the one Matty lived. That much I knew. So it wasn't too strange of me to wonder whether or not it met any of his standards. And how it alone made me feel.

“How old then?”

The question startled me somewhat, enough that I blinked and looked up at him without thought. My brows furrowed a tad and so he continued, “Teddy- was that it?” And at my nod of confirmation, he smiled at me for another answer, “How old is he?”

Caught off guard still, I gaped for a second and then forced myself to reply, “Um, four, he’ll be five soon enough.”

“Wow.” Was what Matty replied with in a soft murmur, his head moving in an ever so slight nod, “A good age though.” At my questioning look, he chuckled, “Or so I’ve been told.”

I hummed, mostly amused, then fiddled with one of the many pens Teddy had left behind at the table.

“They’ve all been good so far- the ages.” I said to him, rather stupidly, and grimaced around a low laugh at myself, “Just, I mean he’s a good kid, is all.”

Matty was smiling at me when I glanced back up, his eyes squinting with the strength of it. He knocked his fist on the table lightly, “Seems it. Just wish you’dve mentioned him sooner.”

I frowned at that, lips pursing as my nose wrinkled. I didn’t much like the way he’d phrased that last bit, because it’s not that I wasn’t proud of Teddy, I was always showing him off, constantly even. But I also didn’t feel as though everyone had the right to see to that. “Yeah, well he’s not a secret I’ve kept hidden. It’s just safer mostly.”

It was Matty’s turn to frown then, seemingly offended by the offhand remark. “What and that includes me, does it? You think that I’d be a danger to him?”

I stared back at him, brow dipped a tad, eyes squinted. Because I hadn’t meant to hurt him, far from, though could he really blame me for being cautious, for having wanted to keep Teddy away for as long as I had? 

“No,” I answered him, and it was an honest one, “But only now, after having known you as long as I have. I mean, you can’t really be surprised by the fact that I didn’t mention him in the beginning, Matty. I hardly knew you! I’d only ever had the picture that’d been painted of you in my head, I didn’t want that around him.”

He scoffed quietly at that and I heard the way his boot kicked out under the table as he shuffled further back in his chair to run a hand through his hair. “Yeah and what about now then?”

He had me there, I supposed. I sighed and raised a hand to rub at my tired eyes, this wasn't a conversation I had planned for yet, let alone on a morning like this.

“It’s hard, okay? It’s hard to know when to introduce him to new people, he’s only ever really known those closest to me, and after that it’s just been his nursery teacher and the handful of kids in his class.” I explained, watching Matty and hoping he heard the truth in my words, “And you’re this fucking celebrity people love, you’ve got places to be, fans to meet! I never once thought that you’d stick around, not for as long as you have at least. Or that you’d eventually pull me into your life.”

He looked up then, expression so carefully made. “And that’s a bad thing?”

I folded in on myself a little at his question. Unsure.

Matty rolled his lips together and dipped his chin in a slow nod, “Right.”

“Matty, it’s not like that.” I tried.

He was quick with his reply though, all but leaning into the table’s edge now, “Then what’s it like, Mouse?”

He hardly ever called me Mouse, from the day we’d met it had always been Squeaks.

I dragged a hand over my face and then into my hair, perhaps in hopes to bide my time, but mainly because I felt cornered. How was I supposed to tell Matty how much I valued him? His chaotic presence in my life, his texts and calls, his friendship. It was something I hadn’t known I’d needed, but he’d come along and surprised me. He had stuck around, even when I thought he wouldn’t, and he wasn’t asking for anything more than just my company. He didn’t have an ulterior motive, some trick up his sleeve. Or at least that’s what I believed.

“Does this change things, knowing I have a son?” I heard myself ask him, it was a genuine curiosity but I also had to know. I didn’t want to be strung along or let Matty into Teddy’s life like I had Finn and Adi, only for him to then up and leave when he finally grew bored of the normality of it all.

Matty simply stared back at me, those brown eyes of his narrowed as they flittered back and forth between my own, his lips parted slightly as he thought the question over.

“Do you want it to?”

And that hadn’t been the answer I was expecting.

Instantly I shook my head, dropping the pen so that my hands could fall limply into my lap. “Of course not, I like having you around, Matty. Me keeping Teddy from you has nothing to do with that.”

He continued to watch me.

Then finally he conceded with a prompt nod and I felt myself breathe in. “So, the park. Is there a spare invitation going?”

I let the air go in a stilted chuckle, smiling at the common ground he’d gifted us but also at the image of Matty messing about in a playground of all places. “Yes, yeah, ‘course.” I assured him, “Just, be prepared for any puddles, alright? He will soak you if you're within five feet of the splashzone.”

Matty finally laughed too, this soft thing I hadn’t really ever heard from him before, not in this way at least, and then grinned, whirling around in his seat when a stomping toddler came darting back into the room.

“Wellies ta!”

My eyes fell closed as I released another heavy sigh, “Please! Teds. Remember? Please, not ta.”

Teddy merely blinked back up at me and so I decided it would have to be a battle picked for yet another day. 

“Fine, go get them then.”

Matty snorted unhelpfully, which brought him to Teddy’s attention once more. “Need help with ‘em, little man?” He asked, raising a brow at me in hopes that it’d be okay.

I swallowed but ultimately nodded, I couldn’t not when Teddy’s curls started bouncing wildly with the nodding of his head at the question.

And so, I watched them go, Matty taking Teddy’s extended hand, praying that I hadn’t made a massive mistake here. Hoping that somehow Matty would prove me wrong and stay, for a little while.

–

The days after Matty’s impromptu visit came with little to no fuss, it was only when the man wasn’t in the studio that was on the phone to me- and by extension, Teddy as well, who’d taken quite the shine to him. Who could’ve known, hey?

Still, it was a massive change of pace. For me at least, I hadn’t managed to get a read on how Matty felt about it all, but I had yet to worry over it. Mostly because of the Christmas period and how stressed I’d been.

“Finn, I swear he’s driving me out of my mind!” I complained down the phone to my best mate, the thing was currently perched between my shoulder and ear whilst I attempted to throw my hair up into a half-arsed bun, if only to keep it out of my face. “The mess! I mean, it’s like a tornado’s gone and ripped its way through my flat!”

“He’s four, babe.” Came Finn’s unhelpful response. I huffed.

“Exactly! Four, how can someone so small create such a massive mess?” I stressed, trying to clear away as much of the clutter my living room was presently made up of as quickly as I could. “Mam’s gonna be here in,” I glanced hurriedly over at the clock on the far wall and felt my anxiety spike, “Just over an hour! I can’t let her walk into a bombsite!”

Finn laughed at that and so I scowled in retort, even if he couldn’t see me through the phone.

“Finn!” I admonished.

“Alright, sorry! It’s just, she’s your mum, babe. She won’t care what the flat looks like.” He tried to soothe me as he moved about on the other side, doing whatever it was that he was doing. “Why’s he made such a mess anyway?”

I gritted my teeth as I stepped on yet another rogue piece of Lego and just dropped down to start rounding everything and anything I could possibly see into a great big tub. 

“He’s excited, wanted to look nice for when mam shows up but also wanted to showcase to her all of his drawings and sculptures.” I told him, grimacing at the penstained action figure I picked up before tossing it amongst the heap too. “I’ve been in the kitchen mostly, cooking for when she arrives, so I didn’t really bear witness to the fact that he’d taken my permission and flipping run with it! You should see my front room, Finn.” I shook my head for the umpteenth time since I’d walked in and blinked at the chaos I’d been met with, “It’s a proper tip.”

I was given a resounding chuckle once more and simply decided to slump there on the floor, glad to note that most of everything had now been packed into the box. Out of sight, out of mind and all that.

“Finn, I don’t even want to go and see what his bedroom looks like as of right now. I can just picture how his wardrobe’s been overturned and all of his clothes have been tossed about the room.” 

I forced myself up onto my feet then, halfheartedly listening to Finn’s reply. I still needed to sort myself out before anything else and that thought alone stressed me out further.

And of course! Of course it would be in that exact moment that the doorbell went.

“Fuck.” I mumbled to myself, but found my feet already taking me towards the door. I paused only briefly by the mirror to catch sight of the mess my hair was in and tugged it free in hopes it’d help somewhat, “Listen babe, sorry for all my whinging but I’d best go. Door’s just gone and I’m guessing it’ll be that parcel I’ve been waiting on.”

“Cutting it pretty late there.” Finn said and I couldn’t agree more. It was the 23rd, Christmas was now only days away and still I’d yet to receive it- even after having ordered it well over three weeks ago!

“Fucking hell, tell me about it,” I groaned, opening the door up to be met with the sight of a big wrapped box blocking my vision. My forehead wrinkled in utter confusion, “Um, Finn? I really am going to have to call you back.”

“Why, what’s happened? Don’t leave me hanging! Who is it!”

The parcel dropped down an inch then to reveal a familiar grin and shining eyes. 

“Surprise?”

I hurriedly hung up the phone and shoved it into my back pocket, the feeling of bewilderment unable to override the instant worries that washed over me about what a state I must've looked. But I bullied those thoughts back down, ignoring the massive part of me that was currently screaming at the entire situation, for whatever reason I couldn’t even begin to really understand, cause it was just Matty, right? And instead propped myself up against the doorframe.

“What’s this then?” I asked, unable to help my smile when he was looking back at me seemingly so pleased with himself.

“Christmas, in’t it?” He replied all too easily, shaking the rather large present he held in his grasp to further the point.

“I can see that.” I chuckled, shaking my head a little at the picture he made, all bundled up on my front doorstep practically dwarfed by the box he’d brought along. “I just thought you were headed home today.”

He shrugged, an action that was made funnier by the large parcel, but continued smiling, “Meant to, just couldn’t leave without seeing you lot first.”

I blinked, startled by his words. But grinned when he merely widened both his eyes in exaggeration.

“It is fucking freezin’ out here, you know! Could invite a mate in.” Matty reminded me, so I hummed, mulling it over. But he wasn’t one to give up too easily and bribery appeared to be his best tactic here, “I’ve got presents. So open up or they’re going back.”

I narrowed my eyes in turn, “You wouldn’t.”

“Oh, but darling I would.”

I found myself grinning at him again, something I tended to do whenever he was around it seemed. There was just something about him, I supposed. 

He went to take a step back then and I relented all too easily. “Alright.” I laughed, opening the door up wider to allow him in. Matty all but jumped over the threshold, bringing the cold in with him, and whilst he set about shaking off his coat I went to close the door behind him, only to be stopped by a bright red coat.

“Oh, thanks.” I said in surprise to the postie that managed to time his arrival so perfectly. “Thank you,” I repeated for good measure, shooting my head up from the packaged parcel he’d handed me, “Happy Holidays!” He grinned in return, already taking off back down the steps and parroting the same sentiment to me.

I finally managed to shut the door after that and was met with a ruddy-faced Matty, who was wrapped in a big jumper I was immediately jealous of.

“Last minute present?” He wondered with a smirk and I waved him off.

“Ordered it weeks ago, got here just in time.”

Matty hummed and turned back to glance down at the big box that now rested against my hallway radiator, level with my hip it seemed. “Where is the monster?” He asked me, using the name both he and Teddy had taken a liking to.

My brow furrowed slightly. “You really didn’t have to, Matty.” I said to him quietly, looking down at the present he’d gotten for my son. 

He was having none of it though, rolled his eyes in fact and hunched over to pick the box up again. “Shut up.”

I snorted and couldn’t help but bite back, “You shut up.”

“Real mature, sweetheart. Ain’t you parents meant to be all boring and nice?” Matty quipped as he wandered his way into my living room, I breathed in a sigh of relief when I followed behind and found that my efforts in cleaning hadn’t been in vain.

“Ha ha. Should’ve taken up comedy.” I retorted to him, fixing a few pillows that sat askew on the settee, something to which Matty also rolled his eyes at.

“Nah, band makes more money.” He answered easily, like he’d thought about it before, as he glanced about for the best place to put the box.

“By the tree if you want, or you can leave it next to the chair so he’ll see it when he barrels in.”

Matty laughed and went with the latter. “You been alright then?” He asked me, taking the time to glance at all the holiday cards that rested on the mantelpiece nearby.

“Yeah,” I sighed with a small smile, “Hectic but that’s expected, isn’t it?”

He shot me a warm grin, nodding. “Christmas, babe.” Was all he replied with, which was fair enough, then he went to reach out to pick up a picture frame of me and a very very tiny Teddy. “When was this?”

I stepped closer and smiled down at the photo, “I was still in hospital with him then, my midwife took it.”

Matty hummed, looking down at it with a soft smile. It was then that I heard a thump sound somewhere down the hall, so I released a weighted breath and forced myself to step away, “I’ve got to go check on Teddy, he wanted to dress himself this morning and he’s been way too quiet.”

With another laugh, Matty let me go, nosing through more of the photos and cards which sat along the shelf. Something I could understand, he’d only been here just twice before, but even still, he didn’t care for how blatant he was with his nosing. 

I took the parcel with me as I went, slipping into my bedroom to unwrap and grin down at it. It was Matty’s, which is why its arrival had been so perfect. I'd begun to think that I would have to give it to him the next time I saw him. But now was as good a time as ever.

In a rush, I pulled out a gift bag and some coloured tissue paper, having no time to actually wrap it, and plopped it in. Making my way into the next room to see where Teddy had gotten to.

When I pushed his door open further than it was, I was only slightly surprised by the state of it. The rugrat in question, though, was stood by his wardrobe door, pulling an array of funny faces in its mirror.

“Oi mister, what you been up to?”

Teddy startled slightly at my voice but was giggling when he spun around to spot me. “Got dressed myself.” He stated, pointing proudly at the t-shirt he’d managed to pull on.

“Hm, so you have!” Taking in the jeans and tee combo he’d picked, I then grinned over at him, “Looking good, boyo. Could be a little stylist when you’re older, you know!”

Teddy gave me one of his impish grins and then darted over towards me. “No!” He dragged out in reply, hands clutching at my legs now he was near, his sweet mischievous face staring up at me, “Gone be like you.”

I had to press my lips together then to keep the strength of my smile at bay, his words making my heart swell. “You little charmer.” I chuckled, running a hand through his unruly locks, “Come on though, you’ve got a visitor.”

His eyes widened as he jumped back to rock onto the balls of his feet. “Mémé?” He asked excitedly and I almost felt bad about it not being her, but I knew how much Teddy had also grown to like Matty in the recent days so I wasn't too fussed.

I shook my head, “Not yet, soon though. But somebody else came to see you.”

Teddy’s eyebrows rose as he thought about who it could be and so, knowing that we could possibly be here all day, I started to steer him out into the hallway.

“Finny?” He asked, then, “Santa?”

I snorted, then shook my head to both. “Nope and no. Why don’t we just go see, hey?”

And with that I pushed the door to the living room open wider and watched on as Teddy gasped at the sight of the curly haired frontman standing by our settee.

“Matty!” He all but squealed, practically catapulting himself across the room to make a dive for the man.

Matty laughed, though also seemed startled by the reaction he’d garnered. He swept Teddy up though, all the same, and jostled him around before settling the toddler on his hip, eyes bright with something when they glanced over at me. I smiled, a heavy feeling settling itself in my chest.

“Alright, mate? What you been up to?” Matty asked Teddy, falling back onto the cushions behind them and stationing the toddler next to him.

Teddy replied in earnest, excited to tell Matty all the tales he had stored away since the last time they’d spoken, which had been a few nights previous over a FaceTime call. 

I shook my head in amusement and trailed over towards the kitchen, silenting motioning to Matty to see if he wanted a drink. The answer, as always, was yes and so I set about brewing him his usual, along with my own, taking the time to clean myself up a bit too.

By the time I walked back in, Teddy had just about finished telling Matty all the details of his last day at nursery (they’d had a party), which I’m sure the man had already heard about, but who acted as though it was the most brilliant story he’d ever been told. 

“One coffee.” I said in greeting, placing the two mugs onto coasters before taking a perch on the armchair by them.

“Ta.” Matty replied, grinning madly when Teddy cackled gleefully and repeated the word over and over. I rolled my eyes at the pair of them and took a calming sip of tea, unaware of how much I’d been in dire need of it. Whoever claimed Sunday’s were a day of rest, were liars.

“He spotted it yet then?” I asked aloud, already knowing the answer seeing as how I didn’t currently have a bouncing Teddy on my hands.

The toddler’s face wrinkled in confusion and he shot his head over to see me, I grinned from behind my mug. “Huh?” He sounded.

Matty hid his next snort well but then hummed too, pushing forward in his seat to grab at his coffee. “Oh his present, you mean?”

That had Teddy’s head spinning. “Where!”

“Manners, bubs.” I reminded, and Teddy nodded so quickly I was honestly a little worried about the whiplash he might face before his eyes were back on Matty.

“Please, present?” Teddy asked, pouting up at the curly haired man with a sudden urgency, his words butchered by his missing bottom teeth.

Matty chuckled, glad for the fact that he’d put his coffee back down in the toddler's haste, and then gestured his head over to the right. “You mean that one?”

Teddy’s eyes, if even possible, widened further, eyebrows reaching the tips of his curls and mouth dropping open as he finally spotted it.

“For me?” He gasped in awe, shuffling down Matty’s leg to approach it, all of his movements now slow as if his shock was stopping him from reacting typically. 

I leaned forward to watch on and Matty did the same, obviously nervous for Teddy’s reaction.

“For you, mate. Was walking by this shop the other day and spotted it, thought of you.” Matty told him seriously, smiling too whilst he wrung his hands together, foot tapping anxiously away, though unaware of it.

Teddy looked back at him, chewing on his bottom lip carefully, taking two more steps before he was touching the wrapping. He oohed at it softly to himself but I caught the way Matty’s face brightened at the sound.

“‘pen now?” Teds asked, his eyes drifting away from the gift, towards me and Matty both.

Matty looked over at me then too, the same question echoed on his face. I nodded with a small smirk, “Go on.”

Teddy’s eyes lit up and he spun back around to marvel at it once more, “W’ats it?”

The snort that escaped me at his ask went unnoticed by the pair as Matty moved to join the toddler on the floor. “Gotta open it up and find out, I ‘spose.”

Teddy’s grin brightened and then he fell to his bum so that he could pull the present closer. “Help?”

Matty blinked at the request and I was witness to the way his throat bobbed before he nodded, “Yeah, sure mate. Here, pull this, alright?”

Teddy did as instructed, tugging on a small opening in the wrapping. 

I noted as he began to tear away at it, how oddly wrapped it really was, meaning that Matty had probably taken the time to wrap it himself. My chest tightened again at the thought.

“Box.” Teddy announced once all the wrapping paper had been discarded on the rug behind him, and I had to bite my tongue to keep from outright laughing at the befuddled expression he gave Matty.

The man had no qualms though, simply chuckled at the question and leaned in closer to force one side of the cardboard box up a little, “Gotta open up that too, monster.”

Teddy’s brows drew together in concentration as he followed Matty’s lead, forcing the lid open more before a loud gasp escaped him. Matty went back to wringing his hands, fiddling with the rings on his fingers whilst I moved over to the settee to get a look too.

My expression faltered at the sight of the beautiful gift Matty had given Teddy. Inside the box rested a guitar in an incredible shade of deep blue, it was small enough for Teddy to hold whilst also being big enough for him to grow with. Even with my obsessive love for music, not once had I ever really thought about buying Teddy such a thing, not one of this calibre at least. It must've cost a fortune.

“Matty.” I whispered, but the man didn’t even spare a look my way, eyes trained on my toddler, trying to garner his reaction.

“You know what it is, mate?” He asked after a moment and Teddy’s little head dipped in a slow nod. Because I knew he knew, he danced around constantly pretending to have one in his hands whenever we had the tele or radio on. Where there was music blaring, there would also be a Teddy playing air guitar.

“‘tar.” Teddy stated in a soft voice, both Matty and I smiled at the way he said it, but the former nodded, pulling the instrument out of the box so that Teddy could get a closer look.

“Cool right?”

Teddy nodded silently again, reaching out a hand to carefully touch the wooden neck, blinking and reeling back when a string strummed. Before he then giggled and reached out once more.

Matty seemed to slump in relief, evidently glad that Teddy liked it. But I’d go as far to even say he adored it, never had he ever been so gentle with anything.

“Have you got something to say to Matty, Teds?” I prompted, ignoring the way my throat caught at the emotion I felt. I couldn’t quite wrap my mind around it.

Teddy pulled his eyes away from the guitar to gaze up at Matty as though he was something other. I merely blinked at the reaction and before I knew it Teddy had thrown himself into Matty’s arms, startling the man a tad. Matty welcomed him after a second though, glancing over the toddler’s head to share a look with me.

“T’ank you.” I heard Teddy muffle into the collar of Matty’s jumper then, actually saying the words this time. It seemed Matty knew what that meant too, because he tightened his hold on Teddy’s waist a little.

“You’re welcome, mate.”

The rest of Matty’s visit was used to teach Teddy a bit about the basics of a guitar, managing to play an E minor and get started on an A chord. Teddy listened to Matty with rapt attention, barely sparing anything else a second glance, which was startling for a toddler, let alone Teddy who was constantly go, go, go.

Watching them was all too lovely as well. For someone with such a cool front, Matty seemed to melt around Teddy, succumbing to that of the boy’s charm and easy going nature. It was sweet to see, surprising but endlessly sweet. Had me losing track of time, in truth. Which is why I jumped and cursed the way I did when the door finally knocked. 

“Mémé!”

[kaizoku-musume]

Mayday Hayday Gift Exchange

I had the absolute pleasure of participating in this years' Ikeseries gift exchange hosted by @olivermorningstar and @lorei-writes, and I got the wonderful @tulipsaisle for my giftee. She has a wonderful OC that was fun to write about and I hope I did her justice. Thank you all for the opportunity to join in on this amazing experience!

Fox Fashion

Shiloh scratched the tabby cat’s back, taking a break from running her stall at the day’s slow peak. It was so heartwarming for her attention to be rewarded with purring delight and affectionate head bumps.

Paying attention to the cat also had the added benefit of Shiloh being able to ignore Nokto Klein.

“Shi-loooooh,” Nokto sing-songed as though he’d not been yapping for the past five minutes about his latest conquest at some ball he just attended. Couldn’t he have picked a more interesting topic? It’s not like Nokto wasn’t a great storyteller: the way he could draw in a crowd as he utilized his honey-smooth voice and descriptive embellishments was near unparalleled, but he so often wasted his talents by telling tales no one wanted to hear, least of all Shiloh.

“Did you hear something, Minou?” Shiloh cooed at the cat, “All I heard was the wind. If only it would blow its hot air somewhere else, huh?”

“Come now, I’m sure there are better ways for me to put my mouth to use than just blowing air, hmmm?” Nokto purred. Shiloh clucked her tongue and turned her face away so he couldn’t see her red cheeks. She always struggled to think up a good comeback when he toed the line of vulgarity like that.

“Be honest, dear,” Nokto said, angling his body to try and catch a peek of her face, “is a cat you see every day really more interesting than a prince specifically stopping by to visit you?”

“Oh, of course not,” Shiloh waved Nokto off. She took a small toy mouse out of the pocket of her dress (it was worth  making friends with the best seamstress in town) and tossed it on the ground for Minou to play with. “If Licht were to stop by, I’d be happy to sit him down for some tea and snacks.”

“Just Licht?” Nokto prompted.

“Well, there’s also Leon, Jin, Yves,” Shiloh counted on her fingers as she listed everyone aside from Nokto, “I heard Prince Keith is a good conversationalist and knows a lot about flowers, I wouldn’t mind picking his brain about them, and there’s-”

“I think I get it,” Nokto said dryly, “so foxes rank pretty low under cats with you.” He reached out to boop Minou’s nose, causing the cat to scrunch her face adorably. “What am I going to have to do to make you change your mind?”

Shiloh raised an eyebrow at him in disbelief. “Do you really think you can compare with Minou’s gentle sweetness? Her precious curled feetsies?”

“I don’t think any human can compare to that,” Nokto admitted. That was suspicious. Usually he didn’t give up so-

“But I can show you a different kind of pleasure that’s just as delightful.”

-soon. “Unless you’re talking about the pleasure of silence, I’m not interested,” Shiloh said, dusting her dress as she stood up, ready to refocus on her shop.

Nokto laughed and said, “I’ll get you to admit my charms one day, Miss Hayes.”

* * *

“Ugh!” Shiloh groaned as she fanned herself with her hand, “Why can’t spring last longer?” Maybe she should upgrade from an outdoor stall to a shopfront-then she’d have more than just shade to protect herself.

At least she wasn’t suffering alone. Nokto had shown up minutes ago, having heard the same thing from Celine, the seamstress, about a surprise showing up around now. And Nokto wasn’t any better in the heat than she was. “I can easily say this isn’t my preferred method of working up a sweat,” he agreed, asking for the second time, “Are you sure you don’t want to close up and go to a cafe? I’d never imply you were anything other than a delight to look at, but you’re turning a shade of red that even I normally can’t get out of you.”

“No thanks,” Shiloh stood her ground, though there was a part of her that couldn’t deny being tempted, “but if you can’t handle it, I won’t think less of you for needing to escape to safety.”

“Such a kind offer. But I’m not callous enough to leave you out here all by yourself. Why, what if you were to feel faint under the-” Nokto sputtered a bit when Shiloh frantically shushed at him to be quiet, flapping her hands in his face. She’d just spotted Celine’s surprise trot around the corner.

“Oh. My. God!!!” she shrieked, taking in the sight of Minou in the most adorable little getup Shiloh had ever seen. Never in a million years would Shiloh ever imagine she’d see Minou in a dress, but here she was, watching the tabby proudly prance over to her, wearing a tiny, flowery-there were roses! And junipers!-green sundress, perfectly sized and aimed at making Shiloh lose her mind with cuteness overload.

“Well, that’s certainly something,” Nokto observed over Shiloh’s gushing, “That must have been a struggle, to wrangle a cat into that outfit.”

“It’s worth it,” Shiloh declared in awe, “she’s the most precious thing I’ve ever seen. And such a good idea! How many people would jump on the idea of outfits for their pets? Celine could start a whole line of clothing for pets-the fabric and labour costs would be much lower, too. Oh, she’s brilliant!” 

Nokto watched on as Shiloh began muttering about the process of the fashion industry and how it can accommodate Celine’s project. “This is what gets you going, is it?” he chuckled in amusement, “Regular clothes just aren’t enough for you anymore so now you need a tiny version to get excited over?”

Shiloh cut off her rambling, a hand on her hip as she addressed Nokto, “When a new line drops, I’ll be all too happy to talk your ear off about it. Don’t for one second think I’ve given up one of my big loves in life. But come on!” she gestured toward Minou, who was in the middle of grooming herself, “I challenge you to find anything cuter than a cat in a dress.”

“Sounds like a tough challenge,” Nokto said, a sudden gleam in his eyes, “what do I get if I win?”

That didn’t sound good at all. Shiloh eyed Nokto warily, wondering what the tricky fox was up to. But it wasn’t like she could take it back-withdrawing now would just make it look like she thought Nokto could actually do it. She would have to face this head on. “If you can succeed, I’ll take you up on one of your non-sexual! invitations.”

Nokto’s grin made her immediately regret her words. “Sounds like a deal. I hope you keep to your word.”

Ah, great. Shiloh blamed her poor decision on the awful heat.

* * *

Well, today was the day. Nokto had messaged Shiloh to let her know he was ready to show her something cuter, and Shiloh could only hope that he came up with something perverted; it would be a pain to deal with, but at least she lose and be dragged along on whatever plan he had up his sleeves. All Shiloh could do was count down the minutes until the time Nokto promised to arrive, her eyes boring holes at the street corner he should come down.

She’d wracked her brain, trying to think of every possibility available, but when Nokto finally rounded that corner, she realized nothing could prepare her. Shiloh slapped her palm over her mouth to stop herself from bursting out laughing at the sight before her.

“Well?” Nokto twirled for her, the hem of the dress he wore flaring out with the motion, “What do you think?”

“Wh-why?” Shiloh wheezed behind her hand, still struggling not to laugh despite the realization that the dress actually looked good on Nokto. He’d gotten it tailored to his measurements and picked a colour that went well with his skin tone, so he was clearly taking it seriously . . . kinda. Nokto hadn’t passed up the opportunity to be as, well, slutty as possible: the dress was a slinky little number, the neckline was cut as low as physically possible, and there was a slit along his right thigh nearly to the waist, revealing pantyhose of all things! Why was he like this?!

Nokto struck a couple of unnecessarily sexy poses, “Because it’s clear that the only thing cuter than a cat in a dress is a fox in a dress, wouldn’t you say?”

Shiloh had a lot she wanted to say, such as “but you’re not an actual fox” and “then why didn’t you wear a cute dress?”, but none of that mattered more than telling him, “There’s no way this counts.” Nokto just smirked, like he was prepared to debate this all day if he had to, and Shiloh knew, with a dawning sort of horror, that she’d sealed her fate the moment she set up that condition.

Maybe she could still get something out of it if she convinced Nokto to wear a dress to whatever party he wanted to drag her to-at least that would give her something positive to look forward to in the face of her crushing defeat.

[teabookgremlin]

hey pals lets talk 02x08. i am typing this out for the third fucking time bc i keep accidentally clicking out of the post editor and then all that i’ve written gets deleted so i’m at my limit i fucking cannot. ANYWAY i’d also like to add that i know people have a lot of criticisms/concerns about the quality of this season (all of which are valid) but i am still going into it as like hell yeah this slaps bc i think media is good if i enjoy it. like i have barely any sense of objectively good vs bad media and since i am still enjoying and am very invested in yellowjackets it’s still really good to me. obviously my issues with the season are coming up in some of my recaps and i’ll go into more overall once i do a season recap next week but for now i did just wanna let y’all know that bc i get it that’s not the most common take in this fandom. anyway spoilers under cut as per usual, lets go

- akilah’s mouse actually being dead broke me a little my poor baby has just been playing with a dead mouse for weeks :( anyway i do love the dead/not dead hallucinations and hope we get more (cough cough more ghost jackie make ella a series regular again cough cough)

- the scene with tai seeing other tai all around her was good. i also do think that other tai is coming back out more in the teen timeline as lottie being out of it means no more prayer/dbt time so it’s likely other tai could creep back in and i’m definitely curious as to how much of teen tai’s actions this episode were dictated by other tai

- FUCKING CREEP COP AND HIS SMUG FUCKING FACE ABOUT THE SEARCH WARRANT i hate him so much please just kill him someone do it. like i get an investigation into adam’s death needs to happen but like i am so sick of the police plot line and the amount of screen time it’s getting. and him being a dick to callie and fucking using shauna’s past as more of a reason to accuse her was gross. fuck creep cop all my homies hate creep cop

- “we all need things we can’t have” and then the look van gives tai ugh i wish these bitches could just work it out bc they do need each other!

- very glad travis finally apologized to nat and then him telling her that she’s a good person was very sweet bc SHE IS she’s the best of them truly

- van being snarky about all the murder <3

- i continue to not trust walter this man is weird i think the wilderness should choose him as it’s sacrifice

- honestly kinda disappointed that the jeff death scene was just a nightmare. also the fact that he’s getting scared of shauna makes me worried bc his ass better not turn on her i swear to god.

- jeff telling callie about wilderness baby was honestly heartbreaking but it was also not his place to tell her that. i want shauna and callie to talk about it i think it would be a good moment for them

- “we need to find a way to stay alive and it can’t be her” i want to know if this was tai or other tai

- i do really like the drawing the queen card being the way to choose a kill. i agree with some people saying we didn’t get enough build up to this point and i do agree that the next instance of cannibalism should’ve been oh another person happened to die guess we’ll eat them. like the ritualistic hunt probably shouldn’t have started this season but i still like the ritual. i will say though the nausea and anxiety i felt during that scene was so intense they certainly got the feelings out of me that they were going for 

- i do just wanna take a moment and appreciate the moments of relief during the card draw. tai’s face when van was safe, travis and javi hugging, i enjoyed those moments a lot

- i was kinda surprised that nat drew the queen, like you’d think the hunters would be given safety for at least the first few draws but i guess not

- then the necklace as the symbol for the kill, nat making shauna look her in the eyes very nice

- “we’ve been denying it that’s why we’re all so fucked up”  then the suggested sacrifice, i don’t think it’ll actually happen tho. i do think it’s possible that at least one of the survivors will die over the course of the series but i do not think it’ll be this early

- “van who used to be so full of life but now something is broken within her” SOB

- so intrigued by javi’s tree, also those were definitely human bones in there right? could it be crystal? someone who was there before? idk but i assume it comes back to the antler queen entity

- the javi death scene was fucking heartbreaking. nat first trying to save him then being pulled off. them all just watching him drown. yeah that was a lot i was like frozen for a good few minutes after i finished like damn

[redroom-rainbowguts]

The Doll in the Mirror

Naga trans male x cis bird shifter female

Cw: dubcon, hypno, minor breath play, mind break

Word count: 3660

Sylvie belongs to @quiescentlunacy I'm sorry for using her as a squeaky toy it will happen again 😔

“Do you like it?” Kieren held up a lingerie set dangling from a hanger. He waved it a little, cheeks already flushing just from seeing the baby pink satin frills next to Sylvie. Her heart sank.

It really was a beautiful set. A modest lace trim that would leave just enough to the imagination to entice whoever gazed upon the wearer, multiple harness straps that, though complicated to get on, would emphasize each and every curve of her body, and a sheer outer layer that was so thin it would flow almost like magic from every subtle breeze that ran through it (and there was no scarcity down here in his cave).

Sylvie might have been happy with the gift, if not a bit embarrassed, had it been from someone she actually loved.

“It is lovely-” Sylvie gritted her teeth. Despite the circumstances, she couldn’t bring herself to tell him off.

Maybe it was how downright giddy Kieren had been all morning about a package that was coming today, rambling about how long he’d been waiting for something he'd bought for her- some fancy French brand that required a dozen different measurements to ensure each made-to-order set fit the wearer perfectly. Or maybe it was the “silly little suggestion” he’d given her the other day that forced her to feel more comfortable being honest, no matter how brutal her opinion might be.

Sylvie already had no problem telling him off when he crossed a boundary, and it was no secret how much she loathed being stuck here, but it still came as a surprise just how much she was keeping in up until now. Unfortunately it seemed a lot of the thoughts she’d much rather push away were now jumping out and adding fuel to the lovesick fire that led him to hold her hostage the last several months.

“-but you really shouldn’t have.” She finally finished. It was no doubt expensive, and now all those innocuous questions he'd been asking for weeks about her favorite color and flower and lace style finally made sense. It was thoughtful, in a way, but it was still not what she wanted. Kieren always insisted he would give her anything she asked for, but it was made clear from the beginning that that only applied to things he wanted as well.

“Why not? Is it so bad to pamper the one I care about?” Kieren sat himself onto the bed next to her, letting his hand land nonchalantly on her leg. “Should we try it on?”

“O-Oh! Right now?” Sylvie looked away, frantically searching for an excuse. A couple white feathers puffed out on her neck, covering the blush that had migrated down from her cheeks. “I mean, it literally just came, and you probably have work to get done," she eyed his pale, freckled hand as it crept higher, so slowly it could be argued he wasn't doing it on purpose. Those arguments never turned out well for her.

"You said your store is short handed as it is, and it’s the middle of the day, so peak customer time. Besides,” She picked his hand up as though it were a dead mouse and dropped it unceremoniously back onto his own lap. “I’d really rather not. Not for you, anyway.” Kieren pouted, sticking out his bottom lip and giving her his best puppy dog face.

“Aw c’mon, please? We both know you can’t put it off forever.”

“And whose fault is that?”

“Alright, alright, if not for me, then do it for yourself.” He picked up the lingerie, still on the hanger, and led her to the full length mirror on the other side of the room. He dangled it over her still clothed body, offering a poor approximation of what it would look like on. “You know you’re curious, too.”

“Of course I am, but that’s not the point!” Ugh, that damn suggestion. Kieren had a way of wrapping around her subconscious like a constrictor, squeezing and squeezing until the truth had nowhere to go but out. There was no winning with him, only delaying the inevitable.

“So please? For curiosity’s sake?”

“Fine, I’ll try on the damn lingerie,” she snatched the hanger from him. “But don’t try anything. Like you said, this is for 'curiosity's sake' and that’s it. Got it?”

“Mm, of course!” His smile told another story, but it was too late to back out now.

“And don’t watch while I’m changing.” Sylvie shooed him away. Though getting kicked out of the room, Kieren kept that stupid grin.

“Okay, okay, let me know if you need any help getting it on," he called from around the corner.

“Yeah, yeah, don’t hold your breath.”

She shed her clothes, folding them into a neat pile on the edge of the bed before turning her attention to the hanger.

The lingerie was tight. Holding it against her body in front of the mirror, it appeared far too small, but there was no way he’d believe that without seeing for himself. She resigned herself to at least try to make it fit. Sylvie pulled at the lacy fabric, careful not to rip the delicate material. It took a bit of manhandling herself to get everything into place, but slowly but surely she managed to squeeze into the top.

Each breast was cupped by a flower which then budded out into an intricate pattern of leaves and abstract waves which stretched up and over each shoulder, puffing out in loose pleated ruffles at the peak, and then hugging as they met again in the back. The design was punctuated by small, opalescent pearl beads- just enough to accentuate the design without distracting from the filigree. With it on, she glanced at herself in the mirror. As nice as it looked on the hanger, it looked even better on. She found her eyes following the flow of the lace, getting lost in it for a moment. Each time she tried to move on, another whorl caught her eye and she fell back in again. It was only when the hanger slipped off the smooth satin bedsheet and thumped against the ground that she remembered there were still multiple pieces left to try on.

The bottom complimented the top, donning a matching pink, flowering front just large enough to cover her intimates before wrapping around to the back via two thin strings on either side, each of them tightly pressing into her skin. Again, she found her gaze following the pattern, especially that of the pearls now. The way the light became trapped in them, swirling and whirling into a collage of endless pastel rainbows. Sylvie absently ran her hand along them, feeling the cool silk and lace now pressed against her skin. It was already a pretty piece, but now wearing it it was downright beautiful. Her hand paused suddenly.

Having traveled lower and lower, it hit a wet spot. Was it near that time already? No, no it couldn’t be, that was last week. This was just… how firmly the lingerie was grabbing her body. Feeling it snugly pressed against her was just a bit distracting, that was all.

Sylvie was almost done pulling the second thigh high stocking on- a semi-sheer white with little bows at the top- when she heard Kieren ask, “Are you almost ready?” Her mouth opened, but no words came out. She’d turned to speak in his direction, but her gaze met her reflection and sent her thoughts scattering.

It looked gorgeous on her. No, she looked gorgeous. Almost…unreal. She couldn’t place her finger on it, but something seemed off about the reflection.

“You okay?” His words snapped her back to reality.

“Y-Yeah, I’m uh,” words felt heavy in her head. Slow. “Just a few um… just a few more… pieces.” Sylvie shook her head, trying to force away the sudden fog. Kieren had messed with her head plenty of times, but he wasn’t even in the room right now! Something was very wrong, but what? She looked around, not entirely sure what she was looking for. Her hand bumped something made of leather. Right, the harness!

That was much tougher to figure out, even in the right state of mind. Without a second set of hands to hold things in place while she positioned and tightened the various buckles, it kept falling apart. It was a whole job in itself just to keep the thing from becoming a twisted, shapeless mess. But now, with a clouded mind, it may as well have been rocket science.

After fumbling multiple times, she recruited her mouth, holding the harness up in her teeth to get the damn thing to actually lay correctly. In a way, the effort required to get it on actually cleared away some of the fog covering her thoughts. At last, she pulled the final straps- a pair of garters connecting to the thigh highs- tight. Success!

There was no time to celebrate, however. Excitement fizzled away before she could properly feel it. The tight, leather straps only added to Sylvie's hyperawareness of her body. Each nerve was becoming warm and sensitive; meanwhile her burning pussy throbbed with need. No doubt this would need to be cleaned before she wore it again. She could only hope Kieren stayed true to his word when he saw her, because it was becoming increasingly obvious that saying “no” to his advances was not going to be easy.

Sylvie’s limbs felt heavy. With so much attention turned inward, it was hard to focus on what she still needed to do. Each thought felt half formed, like it was being dragged through molasses before inevitably succumbing to its thick captor and sinking away into a dark nothingness. Alarm bells tried to ring, but even they got caught in the hot, sticky mess her mind had become.

Distantly, Sylvie felt a gossamer touch trickle down her arms. The final piece- a transparent, sleeveless gown, thinner than paper- had been draped over the ensemble. Had she done that? Everything, even her own body, seemed far away. Everything, that is, save for the intense need that was growing in her pussy.

The lingerie was on now, that’s what mattered. The hard part was done. She turned her attention back to the mirror. Just a quick look for herself to appreciate before reluctantly allowing Kieren back in.

As predicted, the airy fabric bounced and waved with even the most subtle of movements. The rest of the pieces were snug, but not nearly as uncomfortable as they'd looked. It was a beautiful sight but her reflection looked… surreal. Too perfect, too beautiful, too…fake. Was that really her? Sylvie wanted to stand, to get a closer look, to get some sort of proof that the woman in the mirror was really her and not just a pretty doll. The word clicked inside her head like the final piece in a puzzle.

A doll. That’s what felt so wrong about her reflection. Yes, the figure in the mirror was too perfect to be a person. It had to be a doll.

“You look stunning, dear,” Kieren whispered right in her ear. She jumped. When had he come back? How long had he been there? Was he the reason for her mental state? With her eyes still trained on the mirror, the thoughts dissolved before she could ask about any of them. “Don't you think you look pretty?” She couldn’t help but agree. It wasn’t a matter of vanity, it simply lay in her mind as fact. She looked pretty. The lingerie was tailored for her alone, and every aspect of it clung to her body as though it were a part of her. Everything was picture perfect.

“Let me hear you say it,” Kieren said. His breath was hot against her skin. Quiet, barely a whisper, as though speaking too loudly would break the spell. “Say that you’re a pretty little doll.”

“I-I’m, I do look p-pretty b-but I’m not, I’m n-not a-” her head was swimming, and his words quickly filled the gaps in her thoughts, overtaking them and threatening to become the only way she could even emulate thinking. Trying to push them away only resulted in a pounding headache.

“Shh, there’s no need to worry about what anyone thinks, there’s no expectations, no judgements, it’s just you and me here, right?”

“But-”

“Right?”

“Yes,” Sylvie admitted. Chills ran down her spine.

“So relax, doll. You’ve got a special little outfit made just for you, and you have no worries or responsibilities, right?”

“I don’t, um, I mean, I…I…..” What he said was nonsense, she knew it was! but the reason eluded her. Everything he said was technically correct, and thinking too hard about it only brought awareness to just how painfully empty her head had become.

"Right?"

“I… I can't.. wh-what was the question?" Sylvie cringed at her own voice. It sounded so confused, so broken.

"Shh it's okay," Kieren cupped her face, gently turning it in his direction. "Dolls don't need to think, do they?"

"N-No I guess not..?" she conceded.

"Dolls just look pretty and let themselves be played with. You think you look pretty, don't you." It wasn't a question.

"Yes."

"And you want to be played with, don't you." His hands left her face, trailing down her body with unbearable patience. Her body pressed into him, desperate for more than his gentle touch could provide. He grabbed one of her breasts, pulling the fabric away to plant a couple kisses on her chest. The cool touch of his lips made each peck linger long after they'd moved on.

"You want to be played with," Kieren repeated before circling a nipple with his tongue. The soft forked area of his tongue positioned itself on either side of her nipple, squeezing the soft tissue between them. Sylvie shuddered as he replaced his tongue with a sharp toothed bite. The pain sobered her up just enough to find the strength to push him away. She didn't want this! She wanted… she wanted…

"Mmph waaait," her voice was practically a whine as Kieren actually honored her wish, backing off completely. If she didn't want this, then why was the absence of his touch so unbearable? Sylvie was too far gone, and they both knew it. Kieren narrowed his eyes.

"Go on, I wanna hear you admit it," his tail snaked its way up her legs, settling itself in between them. He rutted against her pussy, providing just enough pressure to drive her crazy with need. More feathers poofed from her skin with such fervor they were sent flying into the air like cherry blossoms. If only Sylvie could rub herself against him- get her body over the edge! but with her mind hollowed out, sending the correct signals was nigh impossible. Her face became increasingly flushed, first matching the light pink lingerie, then surpassing it and settling on a bright red.

"Tell me what you want.”

“I want…” No, something in her was still fighting it. A war raged between her mind and body. Lust fought against the few remaining reservations that found their way through the emptiness.

“Go on, or would you rather I left you all alone with no relief?” Kieren gently turned her head, forcing her to once again confront her reflection. Sylvie's eyes fluttered as they focused on the image in front of her. Her reflection was so pretty. She was so pretty. So empty. So needy. So perfect. So…so desperate to be played with like a.. like she was a….

“You know what you are,” the shift in tone was palpable; Kieren already knew he’d won before she finally gasped out,

“I’m a doll,”

“Gooood, my love, and what does my good doll need?”

“To be played with,” Sylvie’s admission smothered the final embers of her mind. It was so easy to respond, almost as though she was uttering a series of pre-recorded messages. The notion was almost enough to bring her back, offering a series of half formed memories about how getting dressed up was the signal to shut her mind off and let go. Memories of allowing Kieren to use her without worries or shame. Nothing but blank, obedient bliss since,

“Good dolls are rewarded when they let themselves be played with.” The words sounded far away, as though she was hearing them through a tunnel. Had he even asked a question, or was her consciousness simply scattered to the point that the only way to express a semblance of thought was through uttering phrases so deeply ingrained they felt as natural as breathing?

Everything felt dreamy. There was no true awareness, only sensations of pleasure tied to flashes of images and sounds.

“Mmm, that’s it,” Kieren led her across the room to the mirror, gently pressing her shoulders as he whispered, “You know what to do now.” She dropped to her knees and watched the doll’s reflection repeat mantras as her owner teased her body.

(Owner? There was a different word for him, something…negative? But why, when he was sending wave after wave of bliss through her body.)

“I am a good doll.” He fondled her breasts, making sure to give extra attention to the sensitive nipples. He couldn’t resist looking up into her glassy eyes as he painted a series of hickies over Sylvie's skin, turning her chest into a battleground of her submission. Even when his sucking turned from pleasure to pain she still leaned into him, desperate to feel any stimulation he was benevolent enough to provide.

“Aaa-ah! G-Good dolls crave to b- c-crave to be used.” The damp spot on the lingerie had become a torrential downpour. Kieren pulled them down to reveal her pussy, which pulsed even harder as the cool air met with her arousal.

“Good dolls are blank.” Each phrase further cemented Sylvie’s new reality into her head. She was a good, blank doll that craved to be used. If only she could will her body to seek out more the pleasure it desperately craved. As if answering her unspoken prayer, something warm pressed against her entrance, rubbing it in slow, controlled circles.

“G-Good d-d-dolls-,” He was underneath her, pressing his tongue inside her folds much deeper than any human tongue could go. The two ends roamed independently of each other, one focusing on her g-spot while the other danced along the inner walls. She saw stars. Even kneeling couldn’t stop her legs from buckling as an orgasm washed over her. Feathers flew every which way. Kieren was temporarily suffocated, caught with his face in her pussy and throat clenched between her thighs. He moaned loudly. His clear enjoyment only made Sylvie more desperate to please him.

“Good dolls love being used.” The almost robotic tone returned as her body relaxed once more and released him. Her thighs spread again, unable to stop arousal from once again coercing her into offering her needy body. Kieren wrapped his tail around her, deriving satisfaction from how quickly his cool, smooth scales warmed up as they tightened around her red hot skin.

Something new pressed against her entrance. The tip of his tail had worked its way inside the mass of coils and found her pussy, lubing itself up with her arousal before roughly shoving itself inside of her. It pumped in and out, using her like she was no more than a fleshlight.

“G-G-G-Go-” Sylvie wasn’t given a chance to even finish the word before he positioned her face over his dicks and commanded her to suck. Sylvie’s mouth accepted them without thought, her tongue working on them as best it could between his thrusting on both ends.

“Mmph! Such a good, good doll,” Kieren said between huffs. “You love this, love being used by me, it’s euphoric when I use you as nothing more than my obedient little doll, isn't it.” She moaned, the vibration against his dicks eliciting the same from him. Every word he spoke found its way into her head without question. She was just a doll. A thing to be filled. A thing to be used. A thing that loved being used by Him.

An orgasm ripped through Kieren, and this time it was his turn to press her face into his folds, still fucking her pussy as he cried out in ecstasy. Sylvie’s own body quickly mirrored him, more focused on the fact that she had pleased him than her own enjoyment. He held her there, still pistoning his tail effortlessly against her slick to draw out the pleasure for as long as possible. He only let her free when she began thrashing for air- a subconscious action of self preservation rather than of fear or discomfort.

He held her within his coils.

“You look so beautiful like this,” he whispered, leaning in close to her ear. "You're my perfect little doll, and you did so, so well." Even exhausted, her body trembled as another mini orgasm sent her pussy pulsing just at his praise. "You want more, don't you?"

She had no strength left to do anything but give a subtle twitch of her head. Kieren pressed his lips against hers, savoring the taste of his own musk.

“Mmmmgoood," he wiped some of the arousal from her face and offered the finger to her mouth. She accepted it, sleepily sucking his digit as he lovingly fixed her hair, brushing through it and removing stray feathers.

"So how about we go even deeper, hm? Look at me, doll.” He removed his finger and gently took her chin in between his hands, bringing her up to meet his gaze. His eyes spiraled, sending ripples of blues and purples straight into her sleepy head.

“Sssleep now for me, so I can help my favorite little doll feel even better.” What little awareness remained faded into pure nothingness, and Sylvie's mind opened itself to whatever he wanted her to be.

[silens-oro]

Requiem is such an experience!! And Planet is my favorite off of that album! ugh Planets for me is just such a Kylo Ren/General Hux from Star Wars kind of song, I love it so much. OK Sorry but I'm shifting into super fangirl mode because !!!! SAME! I think it's been around the same time for me too! A friend recommended them to me when I was in 5th grade I think, so around late 2008-ish? I was looking for a song for myspace (lmao) and Bat Country was the first one I heard and they've been my favorite band ever since. You're so lucky you've seen them many times, that is AMAZING! do you have a favorite time you've seen them? I was never allowed to go back in the day and when I finally did in 2013 it kinda sucked because of the people I went with so I'm hoping for another chance soon!

MYSPACE! This is digging up so many memories oh my GOD. I had the deathbat as my profile mouse curser and I thought I was the coolest person alive.

I would like to preface by realizing how ancient I sound by Tumblr standards. I am a fresh 29, but I may as well be 60 with the dates I’m mentioning below. That being said, I can talk about this band until I’m blue in the face. I’ve never met another person who is on the same level so I’m screamin’!!

lmao fun fact: Burn It Down was the FIRST music video I ever watched online and it took HOURS to load because I lived in the country at that point and dial up was actual hell. My mom absolutely freaked out when she saw what they looked like (because our massive Dell desktop WAS in the living room for everyone to snoop at what you were looking at).

I lived in California for a very brief period of time when I was 10 and the only friend I had was my neighbor who was my age so we immediately got along. He was really close with his cousin (she was 18 or 19) but she babysat us together often. ANYWAY she worked at one of the really small diy venues the next town over. Long story short, she dragged us to work with her one afternoon to grab her paycheck or something and they were playing that night. I didn’t get to see them play because I was too young and my parents would’ve 100% murdered the poor girl. BUT I did get to meet them outside while they were smoking lmao. It was the most awkward and weird experience back then because I had no idea who they were (they were so nice but also like “who are these children??”) but I look back on it fondly now.

The first time I got to see them was at Warped in ‘05 from a million feet away because my dad (rightfully so) did not let my 12 year old cantankerous self just waltz into the pits. I had zero fear. I was, admittedly, WAY TOO YOUNG to have been there, but it was an experience.

I think my favorite show was seeing them on the Taste of Chaos tour in ‘08. The lineup was bonkers. If I remember correctly it was A7X headlining with Bullet for my Valentine, Atreyu, Blessthefall (Craig had JUST left and their bassist had to do all the vocals. I remember that distinctly), and some J-Rock bands that I can’t remember as support. I went with my (still) best friend and it was the last tour I saw them on before the Rev passed the following year. They pretty much played their self titled album from start to finish with a few of the classics thrown in. Very, very fortunate.

I think the last time I saw them was at Mayhem Fest in 2014?? I went alone and was able to snag a front row spot at the barricade when they opened the gates for it and it was absolutely incredible. Hearing Requiem live absolutely obliterated me. I still get chills thinking about it.

So between ‘05 and ‘14 I’ve seen them maybe 7 or 8 times??? I wasn’t a huge fan of The Stage (will definitely need to give it another try) so they kind of fell off my radar for a bit. I’d definitely like to see them again if I get the chance because I’ve never seen a bad set from them in any show I’ve been to.

Honestly, I’ve learned by going with people who either can’t handle it or are just not fun concert people to go with that I prefer to go to certain concerts alone. If you’ve never done it before, I highly recommend!

[lone-changelings-journal]

16/1/1495

I’m so tired. It’s taking every ounce of my energy just to stay awake right now but I just… Tired… Last night was a total trainwreck, I got almost no sleep. Doesn’t help that I stayed up late writing too. Literally right as I finished yesterday’s entry things kicked right up again. As much as I want to sleep right now I’m not going to. It’s only 4 o’clock and if I go to bed now my sleep schedule is going to get all messed up and I don’t want to deal with that again. So I’m sitting here writing instead, trying to focus on anything aside from how tired I am. Which clearly isn’t working because I’m writing about it. Ghh moving on.

So like I’m about to fall asleep when I hear a knock on my bedroom door. I assumed it was Morr but honestly I had no clue what to expect. With yesterday’s whole talk about cults and pacts and magic I was already on edge. Thankfully it was Morr and not some crazed undead fanatic person. Well, I’m glad it was her and not the alternative, but at the same time I really wish last night hadn’t happened at all. I’m pretty sure my back is all bruised because of it. She might have stabbed me with her claws too, but there’s not really any way for me to check. At the very least it’s sore.

She knocked on my door and I peeked outside just to see who it was. Once I saw it was her I let her in. Her mask makes it REALLY difficult to tell what she’s feeling, and her voice really doesn’t help much either, but I could see panic in her eyes. Believe me, I know panic when I see it. Wolf could sense it as well, she seemed on edge the second Morr walked in. She very quietly asked if I was willing to do a quick task for her and as per my contract I said yes. Reading over it again I don’t think I can say no, actually. Unless it goes directly against my morals, but how do you even quantify that? If I’m being honest, I don’t even know what my morals are. Like I don’t think I’d ever kill anybody, but if someone was a really REALLY horrific person and they were attacking me, maybe? Ugh, I’m just confusing myself here, nevermind.

The point is I said yes and then she hit me out of nowhere by asking if I could “embrace her”. She specifically used that word, which immediately made me question what exactly was going on. In the end she just wanted a hug, I guess, but if that was the case from the beginning why didn’t she just… Say that? The word “embrace” threw me off a bit. Honestly, I thought it was going to turn into something WAY different. She prefaced this question by asking that I keep an open mind and not judge too, so like how else was I supposed to interpret that?! I’m glad she wasn’t coming on to me in the end though, because given the contract that would be… Uh. I’d rather not think about it.

Anyway she was slowly devolving into a panic as I questioned why and told her she was freaking me out and she just kept asking; begging. She refused to tell me why she wanted this and while I knew I had to do it I couldn’t shake the feeling that something bad was going to happen. Like, was she making a move? Was she dying? Did something happen, was someone here? With how panicked she was getting she could have said the world was ending and I would have believed it.

But I did as I was told and I hugged her, really awkwardly mind you. She promised she’d explain afterwards but then she grabbed me back and squeezed. Hard. Like a snake trying to choke the life out of a mouse hard. At one point I thought I was going to pass out. That’s where the bruises came from. Assuming I did actually bruise, I still don’t know. Maybe wolf can tell me. I know she could if I asked her. Though at the same time I don’t know how I feel about taking my shirt off in front of her, since she is basically a human in the body of a wolf. She might actually be smarter than a human.

She held on to me for way longer than I would have liked, and again. I couldn’t move and I could hardly breathe. Good gods, she’s such a small woman but she could rival a barbarian with those arms. She kept holding on to me and I could hear her breathing quicken. Kind of like she was hyperventilating, except when I listened closer I could hear her saying something. “Help”, over and over and over again. That REALLY freaked me out because this woman is supposed to be my teacher. She’s this super powerful ancient being who’s allegedly so old her species doesn’t have a name, and I’M supposed to help HER?!

I legitimately thought she was dying for a solid ten minutes she was panicking so bad. I kept pressing her for more information because clearly something was very, very wrong but she either couldn’t process what I was saying or didn’t hear me at all. She just kept muttering “Help” “I can’t” “It’s happening too fast” “not now” and on and on with things of the like. Eventually I got it out of her that she wasn’t sick, injured, or dying. Instead she was “losing control”. In the moment I had no idea what the hells that meant which only freaked me out further, but she was gripping me so tightly I really couldn’t do anything but just stand there and wait for it to be over. It was awful. I felt so… Powerless. In the sense that I couldn’t escape her grasp even if I wanted to AND in the sense that I couldn’t calm her down. She just demanded I didn’t let go, so I didn’t.

The whole ordeal only lasted maybe fifteen minutes. Twenty at most. The whole time she was totally unmoving aside from a slight tremble and muttering incoherently. Wolf didn’t offer much in terms of assistance. She was definitely feeling tense, but as it was all happening she had no care for my wellbeing at all. The only thing that mattered to her what Morr. She was watching her like a hawk the entire time. I know it was only twenty minutes but it felt like an eternity, and me being exhausted didn’t help in the slightest.

Eventually she calmed down enough to let me go and explain what happened. I really don’t know what to make of her explanation. Demons and devils and creatures of the like are usually the ones to curse people, not get cursed themselves. Although I’m still not sure if she even is a devil. She says she’s LIKE a devil, but I don’t know if it’s literally like a devil or more metaphorically. If it is metaphorically I certainly don’t see it. Maybe she was a little rough with me last night, but it wasn’t out of malice. She was terrified. If I’m going to be working under Morr I think it’s important that I remember everything she told me last night. I really, REALLY don’t want it to happen again. Next time I’m going to be prepared.

So basically the mask Morr has on is cursed. There’s no way to take it off as it’s “melded with her very being”. It’s as much a part of her as she is of it. When she was younger (how much younger and how long ago this was she didn’t say) she was reckless in her studies. In her words, she had a gift for arcane magic unlike any other. She could use magic in a way nobody else could and no one else ever would. All this lead to her being gifted this mask and being told it could amplify her powers further. Well, it didn’t.

I don’t really understand the specifics of her curse. Even after she explained it I just… Don’t get it. The mask has a will of its own and it “feeds on her desires”. Usually she can fight them off, but particularly strong desires cause the thing to totally take over. It feeds on her desires and magnifies them until they turn into obsessions. That turns into a feedback loop that makes regaining control hard. She didn’t really go into what happens when the mask DOES take over. She briefly mentioned that if it did she likely wouldn’t recognize me, but that didn’t give any insight on anything.

The whole reason she came into my room at all was because having someone close gives her something to focus on other than her desires. Uh, she never explained what “desire” caused this episode in the first place. I don’t really want to know, either. Or maybe it’d help if I did know so I could help her avoid this happening in the future? But yeah that entire time she was squeezing me to death and muttering to herself was her trying to fight the mask’s influence on her. I’m wondering if getting her to talk when this happens would be better or of just letting her do what she has to do in silence would be better. Wolf has no idea, and I don’t want to ask right now in case it triggers this to happen all over again.

Once she was calmer she went right back to her old self. She apologized for freaking me out and forcing me to deal with that side of herself, then she bid me goodnight and went back to whatever she was doing before. Then I went to bed.. Sort of.. Not really, honestly. After that ordeal I was even more on edge and every howl of wind or creak of the cabin had my hair stood on end. My body wanted to fall asleep, and I slept for a few minutes at a time before I’d hear a sound and wake back up again. Gods… It sucked. I’m so tired.

At least today has been uneventful. Aside from the very start of the morning it’s been a normal average day, I think. I don’t really know what a “normal” day is for most people. Normal days for me really aren’t normal for anyone else. Morr was outside talking to someone this morning. I don’t know who really, but it’s not my place to pry. I did go outside to see what was going on because after all that not seeing her in the house was worrying. But no, she was just talking to someone. The conversation was confusing and hard to follow. 

I’ll admit I was curious and maybe I eavesdropped a bit before making myself known. Nothing overly interesting aside from the fact whoever she was talking to only replied in whistles. But from what I could gather she and they were talking about her episode last night and Morr was trying to convince them she was okay. Then I walked over and this other person disappeared into the shadows. I think it’ll be a LONG time before I’m acquainted with all her friends, if I ever am at all.

Now I’m just sat here with my own thoughts trying not to fall asleep. Like what the hell kind of situation have I gotten myself into here? So far it’s been better than my life back home but still, it’s been SO stressful. I can only assume this was an off day for her. I hope this was an off day, because I don’t know if I can handle another meltdown. My back certainly can’t, that’s for sure. I want to lay down so badly but it hurts laying on my back.

I really hope things turn out alright. They have to, because if they don't it means I've ruined my life for nothing. If I end up having to break this pact I'm screwed. If I go back home I'm screwed. And I know for a fact I won't survive by myself. Maybe I should get some sleep. Who gives a damn what time it is? It's better than sitting here panicking over things that haven't even happened yet. Besides, Morr says that my training is going to start tomorrow. I'd rather not try and cast spells for the first time in a state like this. That's just asking for trouble.

[unofficialstudios]

Time to talk about the internship!! so I started out back in October, I was looking for something related to animation that I could do (whether it was key animation or directing something), and there was this place close by in my area that was looking for people to hire!

for… reasons I will not say the name of the company.

at first it was going really strong, I fit into the environment very well I think, everyone there was really kind and stuff. Was a very fun and chill place to work at during the time I was there!

now here’s where my problems began, was in the first few weeks, cuz we didn’t have the right equipment for me to animate, nothing, just a single laptop and a mouse. we did get a drawing tablet, a drawing pen, and software such as… ugh, Adobe animate.

after we got all that stuff I thought it was all great and that we were good to go to let me do what I wanted! problem was that even though they were really willing to bring me on as an animator, nobody there knew how the process worked…

you can take a guess as to how it all went. it involved many conversations about how to simplify my process down, even going as far as to suggesting that AI do the entire process instead of letting me do stuff myself. it kinda disappointed me that they wanted to go with this route actually.

I pushed back against this though because I didn’t think this would bring out the most amount of creative potential in me, it wasn’t why I joined the company for an internship. this died down after a while but it does get brought up in evaluations from time to time.

I finished 2 official videos for the workplace that they wanted me to animate, one about… beer? I think? And one about the Media room they have, was for like podcasts and all that. I expected more from my output, but it was tough to get through at points, especially with all the complications that came up during the productions of those videos. I won’t get into them here though. That’ll be saved for a video 👀

now at first I was thinking that I’d get hired on as an actual employee, but the thing was was that the company was going through a real financial problem near the end of my time there, which forced them to do layoffs, and that included me. I wasn’t fired or anything, but I wouldn’t be brought on as an employee after my internship was over.

so at the near end of February, on the 20th of this year, my internship ended, I was paid well, I was celebrated for my work and what I did for the place, and that was it! :D felt rly bad for everyone that got laid off though

my internship is finally over as of last week!! ill probably make a separate post about it but man is it good to be able to work on my own stuff again! heres' a gote in the meantime

[twilightown]

My Disney College Program was 7 & 5 years ago :(

[the-fourth-knower]

Diary of a lost doe, part 1

A short fic where my character Annabelle writes in diaries

Fresh off losing her parents, Annabelle Flaches must contend with trying to fend for herself and her baby sister Angelica. And with Angelica talking to a mysterious green orb when she thinks Annabelle isn’t watching, things are only at the tip of the iceberg.

This is for me and Aquillis’s “half and half” AU, our ‘main’ AU. not to be confused with Aqui’s pack universe which is her underground re-write.

Due to the length I'm splitting this into two parts. This is part 1, part 2 is here!

Diary Enry 1, Day I dunno.

Okay here it is. First diary entry I guess. Gotta keep it brief, writing instruements are hard.

Been a few months since that day. We’re doing fine. Angie started another garden. Moved to a new spot.

Got some new things for the house. Old car door and a tire. Not sure what I’ll do with the tire gonna use the door as part of wall.

Finished roof this morning. Good thing 2, might rain.

Angie still sleps bad if not next to me. Writing while she’s curled up. Wasn’t for scars on ear and having to sleep in same clothes she’d look like we’re still home.

Gotta sleep now.

Diary Entry 2

Maybe got a job. Illegal probs but $ is $

Angelica talked more today. Good sign? Maybe she relapses back into not talking but progress.

I never thought i’d miss her annoying stupid “hey lets go explore a cave and not tell anyone bout what we’ll do” self. Never thought about losing mum and pa ei

Shit crying. Bye.

Diary entry 3

Diary didn’t get too wet yesterday.Don’t think bout mom and pa it ends badly.

I can’t afford to break down even if Angie’s sleeping

If I break down then Angie will get upset

I won’t put her through it

I won’t

…

Diary entry 54

Had to leave town but am 600 $ richer

Angie’s quiet again. But she didn’t complain bout us leavin

gonna go for a city maybe. more risk but more money and places to live.

Jadetown’s the city. Dunno too much bout it but mum liked it.

Should get there in maybe a cuple weeks or so

Angie’s sound asleep. No kicking or anything so that’s good

Hope the city’s okay. Angie hates crowds.

Need somewhere with not a lot of crowds to live at

…

Diary Entry 63

Been a hot second. Settling in Jadetown’s pretty hard.

Find a quiet spot in the slums. Pretty shitty now, but the two of us can make it work

Angie still isn’t talking, but she kept close to me while we made our way through the crowds. She seemed fine as long as she held my hand

Lost her a couple times, but not for long. She seemed upset bout it.

Sorry Angie.

I’ll do better. I promise.

...

Diary Entry 169 (it’s the morning but fuck it)

The nightmare happened again.

Angelica having her ear scared by those monsters. mum and pa being taken away in exchange for us being set loose

Only it loops around and around before it’s just cries and blood and knives and screams and crying and they’re all surrounding me judging me for just failing everyone because you’re a fucking failure

Haven’t had it a while. Don’t upset yourself, Angie needs you.

Diary entry 169? Night

Angelica almost killed some street thugs.

we caught some dumbass looking punks bullying some sort of chao. I think it’s a chao

I ran up to one like an idiot and gout in their face to know what they’re doin, and the things went dark. I got knocked out on my ass, apparenlty the big brute that led them butted me in the head. Asshole didn’t even let me get ready

I came to to Angie trying to shake me awake. When I looked around the punks were gone, there were plant vines all over, and the other kids that had gathered were a mix of crapped their pants and mouths on the floor

I asked angie bout it and she just said she took care of them and that the punks had run off

What the hell did she do? Usually I’m the one saving her? But she was having none of it today.

Oh the chao’s fine, weirdass chao though. Never seen chao that just cause flowers to grow around them or in their footsteps.

Made 30 $

Rib’s hurting and headache, Angie fast asleep. Time for bed.

Diary Entry 170

Chao’s bak.

Visited Angie’s garden for a while watchin me watchin it. It waved and left right around Angie gettin up.

Showed up again when we got back home. Angie hasn’t seen it yet. Good thing, she wanted to bring it with us. We can’t afford three mouths.

I don’t like it. We save its ass and now its stalking us.

Made nothin.

Ribs hurt less. Still a bitch.

Diary entry 171

Angie’s found the “chao”

She talked to it all morning when she thought i was napping. Couldn’t sleep, too afraid of bad dreams.

It doesn’t make chao sounds. Or it does but really weird ones.

Then it turned a green light ball for a bit and back into a chao

Angie liked that.

I don’t trust it. Even less.

Need to watch it.

Angie’s relaxed.

Made 5$.

Diary Entry 172 morn

Nightmare again

Diary Entry 172 night

Angie got excited, claimed that she “found Trevor”

he lived near us back in our old home

Had to tell her no, every red mouse we see is not Trevor.

She says that Trevor and his family were gonna move here, pretty inistent too.

Man she gets caught up on the smallest things

Made 20$

Diary Entry 173

Chao returned while i was working. Left Angie on her own

Shes seemed like she was having a fun time being able to talk with someone

She’s not made friends much. Maybe i’m being too hard on the ‘chao’

Still gotta watch it. It could be manipulating her

Haven’t told her I know bout the chao yet.

Should i?

Not now. Angelica is sleeping.

Made 5$

Diary Entry 174

‘Trevor’ spotting 2. Angie wanted to go bug the person. So we went and sure enough as we got closer Angie changed her mind. It was a rat, not a mouse she said.

How can she tell the difference?

No Angie and chao visit. Unless it was while i slept in. but why would she be secretive bout it?

Saw the punk bitch again today. Looked like he crapped his pants when he saw Angie and she glared at him. That’s my sister.

Made 60$

…

Diary Entry 364

Got a new diary. Last entry for this one. Things going well. Got a good thing going for myself.

Angie found a new plant today, and now she’s got it in her garden.

Loved the look on her face when I got it for her.

Made 50$

Angelica’s chatted with the Chao again. Sort of like, is her guardian I think. Or is that its name

Guess good bye diary 1. Really weird to do but it feels right.

Angie’s sleeping well enough on her own. She mumbles but that seems it.

Do I do a good job keeping her safe

Diary 2 Entry 1

Managed to find a new diary. Keeping the old one just cause, and because I have the storage. For a couple of street bum does, we’ve got a decent enough house going. Been able to put it together from bits and bobs lying around, Angie even threw in her hat and added her own touches.

Looks ugly as hell with the plants holding things together and it’s all a mish mash of junk and crap I found, but it’s our mishmash of junk and crap.

Also saved up enough and am making enough to afford more than one pen and even some pencils. So I can write more often. Just felt like writing

Angie’s started to get more vocal again. I think she’s catching onto the fact the way I’ve been making money is less than honest a lot of the time.

I’m not going to sell myself for it though. I’m not degrading myself with that and nayone who fucking tries is going to a hospital.

And if any of those freaks dare go near Angie there won’t be enough left for a morgue to pick up.

Oh, and the chao’s still around. I can feel it. Angelica loves it, I think. I don’t trust it entirely, yet. But, it hasn't been a danger for the past months. So I think it’s actually a good thing.. Angie calls it Guardian. Maybe it's our own Guardian Angel.

Made 65$ today.

Good journal entry me. You got talkative. Writative? Whatever.

...

Diary 2 Entry 23

Got into a fight today, that was fun. The punks from when I helped save Guardian decided to jump me when Angelica was at the house. Guess they figured they could jump me without little sis to back me up. Too bad for them, when I don’t get suckered I’m damn good at defending myself. Sent them packing. Got a bit bruised. Why is it always the ribs with those guys.

Admittedly. I didn’t have to beat the crap out of them. But talk shit get hit, I say. They shouldn’t have been trash talking me when I was walking by.

-

Angelica was upset when I got back. Should’ve expected that, really. Don’t know why I didn’t think she would notice me being hurt, she’s got a sixth sense for that sort of thing. Always has. Kinda weird.

But, she did try and heal me a bit. Somehow, she’s gotten better at it -Ever since she's met Guardian, she’s gotten more control over that healing ability she has. I just need to make sure she doesn’t overdo herself again.

I don’t know anything much bout healing magic or whatever it is, but I don’t think what Angie has is normal. I think she uses herself for it. Whatever healing she tries to do just eats away at her. And whatever it was was enough to frighten Pa to move us in the first place

-

I think part of me might blame ANgie for it. For getting us out of the safety of where we lived near Agateton and moving.

But if we didn’t move would we really have been safe still. And it wasn’t Angie’s fault she did what she did, it was Pa who pushed for it and Mum who went with it.

So do I blame them? I don’t want to. The monsters that took them and hurt Angie are the ones to blame.

But they wouldn’t have found us if we didn’t move near that forest. But Mum and Pa couldn’t have seen it coming.

Ugh. brain hurts. Fuck this mind screw bullshite

Spent 123.54$ today. Groceries and supplies. Tampons are stupid expensive but I want to have a decent supply for when we need them. Also some food.

Made 13$. Gonna need to work more to recoup.

No idea if Angie talked with Guardian. She still thinks I don’t know anythin bout it.

At least, I think she doesn’t. She gets defensive and acts like she doesn’t know what I’m talking about.

I wonder why she does that. Wonder if it’s tied with how I react to her saying she’s found Trevor for the umpteenth time.

Maybe I should press her bout it. But I don’t want to get her worked up over nothin.

Okay that’s enough, my mind’s getting wandering now and I stay up if I do that.

...

Diary 2 Entry 54

Someone showed up with a bunch of robots earlier. Cause quite the commotion, sent people running, the usual.

Apparently he set up shop in the rich quarter and is causing all sorts of troubles. People have been coming to and fro a lot the past few days.

Angie got worried over explosions. Had to calm her down, explain that whatever it was probably wasn’t coming here. She asked me bout the people there and if they needed help - told her that someone would take care of the rich fops. That’s what they do after all. Who gives a shit about two practically orphaned kids.

Not sure if she bought it. Gotta keep an eye on her. Might need to pull an all nighter.

And we don’t have any energy drinks or coffee. I could go grab one, no one is gonna give a shit if I do, not in this current environment.

Gotta stop for now. Gotta focus on Angie not some stupid book.

Entry 55

Angie’s missin

[rintoki]

more sin.txt bc it’s the only thing i have motivation to write for rn.

“you sleeping soon?” rindou asked, climbing into bed next to me, pulling the sheets over his legs.

“mhm,” i nodded, responding flippantly as my attention was focused on the phone in my hand. “i’m real tired today, back hurts like a bitch too.” twisting my torso to the side and a chorus of cracks sounded out to prove my point.

“ouch,” he winced in my stead, reaching over to rub my shoulder, trying to soothe my aches if anything. “it can’t be helped, all i do is sit in front of a computer all day,” i grimaced at my own stagnant lifestyle.

“what about those nature walks you said you wanted to go on? shall we do it our next date?” my face visibly lit up, “oh should we? ah, i don’t know much about walking trails though, i guess i’ll have to look into it,” i wondered out loud, turning to search it up on my phone.

rolling over to rest on my tummy and elbows, i continued to mull over it, “maybe nothing too crazy for our first time, a couple kilometres should be fine? what if we get lost?” my eyes widened at the thought.

rindou chuckled, turning on his side and nuzzling his body against my side, “well, i guess it’ll be our little adventure.” i couldn’t help the smile that tugged at my lips, lifting an elbow i let it rest over his arm, before leaning down to press a kiss on his nose, and then another on his eyes, and forehead and cheeks, until giggles erupted from his chest.

turning his head this way and that, trying to escape the onslaught of kisses, with halfhearted exclamations to stop from him. but suddenly catching me off guard by meeting my lips with his own, taking the opportunity attack me with his own kisses.

“revenge!” he yelled, turning the tides and peppering my face with his kisses as it was now my turn to erupt in laughter. but that was soon interrupted by the vibration resonating from my phone. despite the late hour or the fact that it was technically none of my business right now, i couldn’t help when my eyes flickered over to the screen, scanning through what little preview of the email that i’d just received.

i contemplated ignoring it, turning my phone face down and just soaking in the kisses that rindou was peppering over my neck. and yet before i knew it, my finger had already clicked on the notification. it seemed like a simple request, better get it done quick, was my reasoning.

a quiet huff as i read over the contents, reluctantly pushing rindou off of me before getting up. “i’ll be right back babe, just need to do something real quick,” i assured him.

“wha—?” but before he could finish the question, i was already halfway out the door, “i’ll be quick, promise! won’t be longer than five minutes.” i yelled back through the door.

heading straight for my home office i turned on my computer again way past work hours. and in the silent room, only the sounds of the keyboard clacking and mouse moving could be heard as i tried to get this done as quick as possible.

on the other side, rindou sat stewing in bed, a little peeved at our time being interrupted for who knows what. five minutes, i said, his eyes flickered to the clock ticking away. he sighs, pulling up his phone to pass time as he awaited my return.

ugh, i rolled my shoulders again as i shut off my computer. it was only a while but they felt stiff again. but who cares, i made quick work of the way back to our room, flopping back onto the bed the moment i entered.

“where did you go?” rindou muttered, wriggling himself next to me again. throwing an arm across my body, he snuggled into my neck, cheek squished against my shoulder. “just some work stuff, don’t worry about it,” i mumbled, whatever energy i had prior completed depleted as i let out a deep yawn.

“at this hour? just ignore it,” he grumbled, getting sleepier as my familiar scent engulfs his senses. my chest vibrates with laughter, “yea, but it was just a quick thing, i’d rather get it done now, you know?”

he grumbles again, only conceding when i kiss his forehead, “night, rin.”

“night, babe,” and after a short pause, “love you.”

[smol-and-grumpy]

Confidentiality - Chapter 1: The Conference Call

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Reader

Summary: Four months. Four long months that she’s been hiding in lockdown. So when everything starts to go back to normal again, she’s going back to work as Jensen’s handler for the first Supernatural convention after the pandemic.

Chapter Warnings: A little angst, a dash of fluff

WC: 1703

A/N: For this fic, let’s pretend Jensen is single and the pandemic was over and done with after four months. Also I’m sorry ugh, it’s been a while since I wrote Jensen. 

Beta’d by: @dean-winchesters-bacon​​ <3

Series Masterlist ~ SPN Masterlist

Become a Patron ~ Buy me a coffee

It’s Monday and Y/N is sitting in a darkened room as she starts up her laptop for today’s work meeting. She had drawn the blinds already, hiding her surroundings from her workmates.

The light on the nightstand illuminates the room enough for the people in the video call to see her features. That’s all they need to see, really. 

Logging onto her laptop with her password, she clicks open the email client, and selects her calendar. The cursor travels over the highlighted block and she clicks on it, searching for the login link to the Zoom meeting. 

It’s 4.56 PM, she still has four minutes left. Wonders if she should click on the link and let the computer connect or if she should wait. She’d hate to be one of the first ones because that’s always awkward. She would spend time talking nonsense with whoever was as eager as her to join a meeting too soon. 

4.58 PM. Now is a good time, probably. Not too early and she’d hate even more to be the last one. 

Moving her mouse over the link, she clicks on it and a window with the meeting pops open. There’s another click and then she’s there, her laptop camera lights up with a green light, signaling that she too can be seen. 

Seeing herself on screen is not something she enjoys. She nervously rights her hair, arranges it so nobody will notice the hickey that she tried to hide with concealer ten minutes before. It’s a fresh one, one he just gave her an hour ago, even though he knew full well that she’s going to have a meeting. It's her own fault because she had let him, always gets so fucking weak when he nibbles at her throat.

Y/N joins as the six people are talking about something. Nonsense, she guesses. She doesn’t really listen. 

There should be ten people in the meeting to discuss the upcoming Supernatural Convention. The first convention after the lockdown. 

“Hi,” she says and waves, because that’s what every newcomer does and she’s greeted with Hello’s and Hi’s back. 

But there’s one guy already sitting in there, looking like he owns the whole fucking internet, and she doesn’t know how he does it with the lighting but he looks downright pretty. It’s not really fair. 

“Hey, Y/N,” Jensen greets her by name. Of course he does, because he likes to rile her up. He’s also the only one who’s so abso-fucking-lutely cheery. “How are you?”

She smirks, “I’m fine, thank you. I hope you are too.”

Keeping it professional, that’s what she can and will do.

“Good,” Jensen nods and opens his mouth to say something more but he gets cut off by her boss who’s taking the lead. 

Y/N doesn’t say much, doesn’t have anything to say anyway during the first ten minutes of the conversation. Lowering her face, she takes notes because it’s a prep meeting where they get informed how it will work out and to see how the spirit of the people involved is for the upcoming convention — which she’s really excited about. It has been a while. 

Jensen and Jared do a lot of talking, as they want to know the details on how to make the experience great for the fans after everyone’s been holed up for so long. And she loves that. She always loved how they actually really care, unlike other show’s leads. There are some points that still need to be talked through and Y/N just sits back and watches. She could watch Jensen talk for days, it’s really mesmerizing. 

His hair is long, his beard too. Jensen’s new look is completely different from Dean. It makes him look softer, and rounds up the edges of his jawline. The graying of his beard doesn’t make him less attractive, and that’s also something that she thinks it’s unfair. She hopes they will let him keep it for the convention. Hopes that he won’t let them talk him out of it because ‘some fans might want to meet Dean and not Jensen’. It’s going to be another month until they go back to filming, so it’s actually feasible. She’s sure that apart from a select few, the majority of fans would love to take a photo with this look and she can’t blame them one bit.

It’s going to be weird when the look is gone. Honestly, she needed some time to get used to it herself, but it has really grown on her. Maybe she’ll mourn the loss — just a little.

“So, let’s recap,” Gina, her boss, says and Y/N snaps her mind back to reality, “Jared’s flying in on Friday already because you want to visit some friends, right?”

“Correct,” Jared nods his head in approval. “You did book the hotel for three nights for me, right?” The question is directed to her co-worker, Julian, who’s responsible for the boys' travel arrangements. 

“Yeah, I did,” Julian says with a nod of his head.

Gina nods, “Good, so Jensen, I see that you’re flying in on Saturday evening as per usual?”

“Yes.” Jensen says. He looks into his screen and licks his lips. She hates that she knows that he’s looking at her.

“I want you girls to be there on Friday evening at the latest? We’ll also go for dinner on Saturday and go over the Sunday schedule.”

“Uh, yes. I’ll be there,” Hannah and Kristin say in unison. Kristin is responsible for Misha but since Misha is also attending Sunday, she sits into the meeting as a formality.

That’s Y/N’s cue.

“I-I’m, uh, sorry, I’m still in the middle of booking my flight but yeah, I’ll be there on Friday.” 

It was a huge issue with Jensen and they’d argued today about the flight. He doesn’t want her to leave until the last possible minute but now she has the confirmation that she has to be there on Friday already.

She sees Jensen raising an eyebrow and hates him for it because he distracts her.

“Okay,” her boss nods, “Jared and Jensen, I’ll have someone picking you up.”

Jared smiles, “Okay.”

“Great,” Jensen huffs out. She can see that he’s a little irritated about something.

The others don’t seem to have noticed, but she does. Jared notices as well, but apart from him clearing his throat, he doesn’t say a word.

“Right, I need to hurry to another meeting. Boys, I’ll see you Sunday!” Gina addresses the boys before waving goodbye, and disconnects. People in the meeting follow her and disappear one by one.

Y/N too, disconnects and is about to shut down her laptop when a skype call interrupts her.

Ugh.

It’s Jensen.

As soon as she picks up, her screen lights up and the view of his face almost blinds her. Honestly, it’s like staring into the sun. Nonetheless, she rolls her eyes because of the things he pulled in the meeting. 

“Why are you rolling your eyes at me?” He asks, seemingly oblivious. 

She groans with another eye roll, “Because you tried to distract me the entire conference call!”

“Excuse me? I wasn’t the one who was trying to undress you with my eyes.”

Y/N cocks an eyebrow, frowning at him. There’s a beat of silence until he groans.

“Fine, alright, I did. Sorry, okay? And why didn’t you say that we’re going to fly in together on Saturday like we said we would?” There’s something about the way he looks and she detects disappointment. 

“As far as I remember, we did not settle on that because you ended up distracting me again and gave me a fucking hickey. And besides,” she sighs, “Nobody should know.”

“Would it really be so bad, Y/N?”

“Jensen, are we really going to have this conversation over Skype?”

“Fine,” he scoffs and stands up abruptly, walking out of the frame. 

Great.

Abandoning her laptop, Y/N proceeds to walk to the window to open up the blinds again. Walking back, she switches off the only other light source, and as if on cue, the door opens.

“Shall we have the conversation face to face instead?” Jensen asks as he barges in, walks to the bed of his guest room, and sits down. He rubs a hand through his long hair, scratches at his beard before he looks at her. 

“I rather not have it at all, but yet here we are, huh?” She strides over to stand in front of him and Jensen looks up, his features are so fucking soft, it makes her weak.

“Why don’t you want them to know? And I’m sure they would let it slide if you flew in on Saturday instead of Friday. You’re only responsible for me anyway and we’re a good team.” His hand reaches out for her, tugs at her wrist, uses his strength to pull her onto the bed with him. 

Y/N lands on her back with a squeal and Jensen takes the opportunity, looming over her and looking down at her. Her hand goes up, strokes his hair back, fingertips tracing along his beard.

“Because the only reason I’m still employed is because you let them put in the contract that you want me as your handler and no one else. They would absolutely hate it if they found out I was fucking their talent.”

Jensen chuckles, his nose touching hers, “That’s not true.”

“What’s that?”

“If anything, it’s me fucking you.” His irresistible smile makes Y/N melt a little before he kisses her. 

He lingers too long, kisses her too softly, too sweetly, knowing what effect his kisses have on her. 

Pushing at his chest, she makes him break the kiss, “I should look for a flight.”

“No,” he chuckles and pecks her lips.

“Jensen!”

“Okay, fine,” he pushes himself up, “but only because I have an interview scheduled.”

Right, he does. It’s going to be an hour long.

“You want me to make dinner to have it ready when you’re finished?” She asks while she sits up and walks over to her laptop.

“Nah, I’ll eat you,” Jensen winks before he walks out.

Chapter 2

Please share your thoughts with me, I’d love to hear your feedback.

[l-egionaire]

Owl House Fanfic: I Did Not Account For This

Amity had kissed her.

Amity had kissed her!

A cheek kiss sure, but still! Her abuela's cheek kisses definitely hadn't felt like that!

She had to talk to someone else about this.

Luz's mind raced as she ran down the street of Bonesborough. Her eyes darted around until they finally locked onto Gus's house.

She headed over to it and hammered on the front door. "Gus, Gus, Gus, Gus, Gus, Gus, Gus!"

When there was no answer, Luz groaned and dug around in her pockets until she found an Ice glyph. She tapped the paper and it morphed into a key that she then used to unlock the door.

Luz dashed inside and up the house stairs to Gus's room. She kicked open the door.

"Gus, I need to talk you! I-."

But Luz fell silent when she saw what was going on inside: Willow and Gus sitting on Gus's room floor, their eyes closed and their lips pressed together.

Willow's right eye chose that moment to slightly open, only to pop wide when she saw Luz standing there. She pulled away from Gus and leapt up, her face burning red. Gus opened his own eyes in confusion only to panic and become flush faced when Willow tapped him on the shoulder and pointed out Luz in the doorway.

"Luz! I can explain! This is, uh, just an illusion!" Gus said meekly

Willow looked at Gus with a raised brow. "Really?"

"What? It was all I could think of!"

Luz regained her voice and cried out "Wha- when did this happen?!"

"Well, kind of just now." Willow said. shrugging her non injured shoulder.. Though her voice was calm, she was still blushing brightly.

Luz eyes ping ponged back and forth between Gus and Willow for a few minutes until her mouth turned into a face splitting smile.

"Tell me everything!" She yelled with glee.

Gus and Willow looked to each other.

"You want to take this one or should I?" Gus asked.

"Lets just both tell it." Willow said.

"Come on! I want to know" Luz said excitedly.

" Okay. So, those Glandus kids turned out to not be that great. Their "quest" turned out to be robbing an illusionists graveyard. I couldn't go through with it, so Mattholomule and I scared them off. It was actually pretty cool. I put an illusion over the graveyard and-."

"Get to the shipping parts already!" Luz cried.

"Okay, okay. So, after I came home, I found Willow here."

"I was worried Gus was still feeling down after what happened with the pixies, so I thought I'd come by and try to make him feel better." Willow chimed in.

"So, we sat down and started talking. About the Glandus kids, the pixie incident, and kind of just us in general. I-I kind of had a crush on one of those Glandus kids and she was the one who was probably the meanest to me. But Willow told that it was her loss and any girl would be lucky to have me."

"Awwwww" Luz 

"And then I started to realize how much Willow meant to me. We'd been friends a long time and been through a lot together. Next to my parents, she's probably the most important person in my life.  And well, I kind of, sort of, started to realize that she was really pretty." Gus's blush deepened.

"And hearing that that Glandus girl shot him down made me think over some things too. Gus was always there for me.  Even when everyone else saw me as 'Half-a-witch-Willow' I still had Gus. And I started to notice he was kind of handsome.  After that we started talking about how we felt and then, well, you saw what happened next." Willow's cheeks darkened as well.

"Oh dios mio, eso es tan lindo! I can't believe this! So, are you guys a couple now?" Luz asked.

The two of them once again looked at each other.

"Well…" Gus started.

"We're taking things slow." Willow said. "The kiss was nice, but we're not going to rush into anything."

"Right! Of course. Taking things slow…..But if I asked If you'd be interested in getting lunch with me tomorrow?"

"I'd like that." Willow took Gus's hand into her own.

"Eeeeeeeeh! Okay, you two are officially my new OTP! Ugh, I'm so happy for you!"

Gus chuckled. "Thanks. But what are you doing here anyway? Did you find something at the library with Amity?"

Hearing the name "Amity" Suddenly returned Luz's mind to its buzzing post-kiss state. Now it was her turn to blush brightly. "Oh. Right. That."

Willow's eyes narrowed knowingly as if she could read Luz's thoughts. "Did something happen between you two?"

"Well. Funny story actually. Amity kind of, sort of…..kissed me."

The two of them stared at her for two minutes until Willow turned to Gus, held out her hands and said "Pay up."

Gus groaned and dug unto his pocket. He pulled out a handful of snails and dropped it into Willows open palm. "Aw man. I'd been saving up."

"I promise I'll put it all towards our lunch date." Willow said. She looked back to Luz. "So, What happened?"

"Well, I went to the library and Amity and I tried to find out more about the last human who'd lived here. But she said that the book was in a restricted area so we had to be careful while looking for it-."

"Get to the shipping parts already!" Gus teased.

"Urgh, fine. So, I accidentally made Amity lose her job. Than, I went through some trials to get her job back. And when I went to take her her job card she had purple hair and was pretty and she helped me realize I have an Echo Mouse with the information I needed and she said I had a way of digging into people's hearts and then she kissed me on the cheek!"

They both stared at her with wide eyes.

"Wow. Good for Amity. I knew she had it in her." Willow said.

"Wait, what? What's that supposed to mean? And why did you two exchange cash?"

"We kind of had a bet going on which of you would act on your feelings first." Gus admitted sheepishly.

"And I bet Amity would act first." Willow boasted.

"How did you know she would?"

"Because I know Amity. When push comes to shove, she goes for what she wants."

"Wha- wait, you mean Amity does like me?"

"Duh. I'm shocked you didn't know. It was kind of obvious." Willow pointed out.

"But-but-but what about her crush? At Grom, she had someone she wanted to ask out!"

Gus and Willow just stared at her pointedly. It took Luz a second to understand and her eyes widened in realization.

"I'm her crush?" She whispered. 

"Duh." Gus said.

"But-no that's-why? Why would Amity have a crush on me? After all the trouble I've caused her, why would she like me?

"Because you're a good person, Luz," Willow said, coming over and placing a gentle hand on Luz's shoulder. "Sure, you can get in over your head sometimes but you're also brave and you care a lot about people. It’s not hard to see what she saw in you."

"Yeah. You're great. Heck, I’d date you! Er, if I wasn’t dating Willow I mean” Gus chuckled nervously.

“Nice save.”

Luz was completely stunned into silence. Someone liked her like she liked them. And not just anyone, but Amity. It almost didn’t feel real.

Finally, she said. “So, what should I do now? With Amity I mean.”

“Well, maybe you should do what Gus and I did.” Willow suggested.

“You want me to go kiss Amity in her bedroom?!”

“What?! No!” Willow spluttered. “I meant that you should go and talk about how you feel. Make sure that you’re both on the same page with what to do next.”

“You’re right. Thanks Willow.”

“No problem.”

Luz went over to the door, but before she left she turned back to Gus and Willow and teasingly said. “I’m going to leave the door open up here. Wouldn't want you two love birds doing anything inappropriate."

Willow glared at her. "Oh why don't you go make out with Amity already?"

"Going to work on that!"

[spencerspecifics]

Okay yes hi hello this is me gracing y’all with my writing Bc I’ve had this idea forever!! This is going to be multiple chapters, here is chapter two. Enjoy :)

~

Technical Analyst (ch.1)

~

Short description: Spencer works as a technical analyst alongside Garcia and Kevin, though he hasn’t ever really worked directly with the BAU team, he works more in filing and researching. But when Garcia goes on vacation leave, and Kevin is busy with his own work, Spencer steps up to help- and that’s when he meets Derek Morgan.

———————————————————————

Spencer hated technology. He hated computers, tablets, cell phones, he hated it all. He hated everything and anything that isn’t on printed onto paper. So how the fuck did he end up as a technical analyst- whose entire job was based around proficient use of technology? In very short, budget cuts.

He originally worked in domestic terrorism, though he never fit in well there. He was a good worker, fast and able to do a lot. But his coworkers never let him feel included. He would hear them make plans without him, ignore him in conversations, only reaching out to him for his great memory to help solve a case. It was dehumanizing. He was just a brain for them, nothing more.

Then, the budget cuts came. And he got removed from the team, as he had the least amount of hours in the field- which wasn’t his fault. The rest of his team always forced him into the research position, so while they were off chasing the bad guys, he was stuck researching with a computer he doesn’t trust.

So yeah, he wasn’t an asset to them. But the bureau knew a mind like his in general was an asset, a fountain they’d like to keep a tap on. So they made work for him. It was mostly menial. He would assist with intense cases when necessary, but even then it was just research. No one knew what he would be like in the field, because they never gave him the chance.

Spencer tried not to think about how unfair this was, how stupid and purely tedious it was. He would rather be working as a T.A. at this point- which wouldn’t even be that bad. At least he gets heard and seen then.

~

Spencer’s normal day consists of going from his apartment to the bureau building, to directly into his cramped little office that was about the size of a jumbo walk in closet. A nice size to store clothes, but not so nice when you have to have a person, a desk, a chair, three computer monitors, two filing cabinents, a trash can, a fax machine, and a printer all crammed in there.

Yeah, his workplace was entirely too small. Thankfully it didn’t impact his ability to work, though, most the time Spencer finished his work quickly; and would end up reading. Spencer didn’t venture out from his office that much at all, (he always brought his own coffee so he didn’t have to worry about bugging the field agents.) the exception to leaving his office was to go across the hall to Penelope Garcia, his only sort of friend that he had at work. She was always so bubbly, it was a breath of relief for him to go see her- she reminded him of all the positive things, he definitely couldn’t do the job without her.

Not to mention, she had to train him from starting point zero. Spencer hated technology, after all. So he never made an effort to learn coding, hacking, how to re-route and track things. He knew nothing like that, hell, he struggles with his cellphone turning on sometimes.

Thankfully, she was able to get some sense into him, and he was pretty good at what he could do. Though he was still working out python coding, he was enjoying the learning process of using technology.

That being said- he still despises technology, and he hopes that once he leaves the job, he can throw away his very unnecessary but work mandated laptop.

~

Spencer made his way into the bureau building, messenger bag slung over his shoulder awkwardly as a thermos of coffee was held tightly in his right hand, while the left one reached for the door handle to enter. He got in no problem, security didn’t stop him anymore, thankfully. Though in the beginning, they did check him constantly, verifying that he belonged there. After all, he looked young, and he definitely didn’t belong in the bureau building. But then again, Garcia didn’t look like she belonged there either.

Security just made presumptions about people, he shrugged that thought off as he made his way to the elevator. Thankfully no one else was in there, he pressed the button for floor six, and the elevator doors shut.

The elevator whirred to life, taking him up to the sixth floor slowly. Thankfully today was a slow day, there wasn’t really any important case he had to work on. (Not like he ever really got given cases to work on, anyways.) So Spencer was hoping he would be able to finish his work quickly, as he had some books he brought with him that he wanted to read and re-read before the day was finished.

The elevator dinged, a signal it had reached its necessary location, before the doors finally slid back. He stepped out, taking his usual left down the hallway immediately. Forward through the glass doors was the bullpen with the agents who worked in the BAU. And god, what he wouldn’t give to be a field agent, working as a profiler. That’s why he wanted to join the bureau, and yet he was so close- his office only down the hall. But he was simultaneously so far, not being trusted by all the bureaucratic bosses, who didn’t know if he would be a good agent to warrant being put out into the field.

He hated it, but he tried not to think about it as he reached his office, Garcia’s door was shut, she was on vacation, or so he had heard. Spencer pulled on his office door, entering with ease as he moved into the cramped workspace.

Spencer sat his messenger bag down onto his desk, sitting himself down in his office chair and taking a minute to breathe in and out before continuing. Spencer hated this job. It was mind numbingly boring, he was so close to quitting. He knew the bureau would fight tooth and nail to keep him, however, but if that was the case, why not give him a better job- he didn’t want a nicer office, he wanted to help people.

He sighed, today was just one of those days where he was extra mad about not being treated right, he tried to ignore this thought process as he got ready to work; setting his coffee down by his computer mouse to his right, setting his messenger bag onto the floor next to him, pulling off the scarf that was wrapped loosely around his neck and hanging it over the back of his chair. Now he was ready for the day.

~

Penelope didn’t mean to forget to tell the team that she was going to be gone- she assumed they knew. At least Hotch did, all the rest of them knew was that she was going to take a week off to relax, they just didn’t know when (she had too many vacation days saved up, so she had to use them or lose them. She chose the former.) It was just a total brain fart moment on her part, so while she decided to hit up her favorite stores, spas, and websites; the team had no idea, they assumed she was holed up in her office, hacking away at whatever she normally does.

This would only show itself when Derek needed her, calling her office number and it going to voicemail “Hi, this is Penelope Garcia with the FBI and I’m too awesome to come to the phone right now, if it’s an urgent matter please call Aaron Hotchner-“ yeah, Derek hung up his phone by then, deciding to call her personal cell.

“Hi, hot chocolate!” She answered cheerfully, the sounds of people talking and laughing could be heard in the background, which Derek took note of. “Babygirl- your work phone sent me to voicemail, where are you?” Garcia was quiet for a second, before practically blowing Morgan’s eardrums out; “Oh- damnit! I knew I was forgetting something!” “Care to fill me in?” He asked her curiously, “Yes-“ Garcia sighed before continuing on, “Sorry. I’m taking those vacation days Hotch told me I had to use or else I’d lose.”

“So you’re not at the office.” He stated, “That I am not, I’m sorry I forgot to tell you! But my pal Spencer Reid should be covering for me.” “Spencer Reid?” Derek asked, unfamiliar with that person, “Why not kevin?” “Ugh, I don’t know- he’s doing that thing where he’s actually busy with other work for once. But Spencer is good, I taught him everything he knows- and I’m pretty sure he’s got three PhDs, so yeah, you replaced one genius with another- so don’t worry!” “Okay, well...” Derek took a second, “You sure I can ask Spencer about everything I’d ask you?” He meant work related, within being able to hack and get everything that Garcia would be able to get. Because Morgan knew that her talents were very special, and having someone else replicate them seemed near impossible, so he was a bit hesitant to trust someone new.

“Oh yeah- he’ll find everything easy peasy lemon squeezy. Don’t worry yourself, sugar.” “Okay, thank you mama. Have a good week of rest.” “I will! I have an appointment for a spa, and oh my god Derek- they do a seaweed wrap thing, isn’t that crazy?” “So you’re gonna get rolled up like sushi?” “No! Ew! Don’t compare me to raw fish!”

The phone call continued for a bit after that, as Derek wasn’t in an urgent matter. It was just a filing day at the office, before he hung up he asked where Spencer was, though; “Oh, he’s in the office next to mine, across the hall!” Garcia told him happily. Derek had thought that was a storage closet, but he didn’t tell her- instead thanking her and hanging up.

Now to pay this mystery computer whiz a visit.

~

Spencer was in the middle of re-routing a bunch of information that Garcia needed to send to her boss, Aaron Hotchner. Spencer didn’t share the same boss, since he was technically working in a more basic division of the bureau, he instead answered to Strauss- which was a royal pain in the ass, but he always turned his work in on time, came in when needed, he had never had to face her wrath yet, thankfully.

Spencer typed away, trying to get all the data to get to Hotchner as quickly as possible so he didn’t have to wait, though it wasn’t crucial the work did get completed right now. Spencer just liked to get things done.

A knock sounded Spencer out of his methodical typing, it wasn’t Garcia, obviously. And he knew Kevin was in a meeting right now with some IT people over his keyboard acting funky (Kevin could fix it by himself, but office administration forced him into talking to IT.)

“Yes?” Spencer asked curiously, turning around in his office chair, because he had no clue who it was that could be interrupting his work. The door pushed open, revealing a tall, classically handsome, muscular man carrying some files in his hands. Fuck, that would be Spencer’s luck. An attractive guy swooping in and making his IQ of one hundred and eighty seven go down to sixty in two second flat

“Hi- you Spencer?” The man asked, stepping forward into the cramped office. Spencer stood up instinctively, “Yes, I am. How can I help you?” The man handed the files over awkwardly, “I’m sorry, I usually ask Penelope Garcia for this but she’s on vacation and she referred me to you- I just need these put through VICAP, I’m not too familiar with the system as a whole, ‘cause Garcia usually handles it.”

Spencer nodded, taking the files and looking through them briefly, there were nine of them. “I’m sorry, I know that’s a lot of work to do... I’m sure I can figure it out myself-“ Derek started, doing his best to apologize. Little did he know Spencer could get this done within an hour or so.

“Oh no- not a problem at all, this should only take me about an hour, two at most, but that’s a generous estimate.” Derek raised his eyebrows, “An hour or two? Garcia usually finishes up this many files within three or four. How are you able to get this done faster than her?”

“I have an eidetic memory, which helps me recall anything that I read. I can read these files once and put all the information into VICAP knowing it’s accuracy is one hundred percent without having to double check, that cuts down my speed by half per case file.”

Derek looked confused and shocked. Yeah, Spencer could understand why. “Sorry, um. That’s a weird explanation, but it shouldn’t take me as long. I’m assuming you’re out in the bullpen?” Spencer asked him, putting the files down atop his keyboard.

“Yeah, I’m Derek Morgan with the BAU.” Derek finally introduced himself, reaching his hand out. Shit, this was Derek Morgan? Garcia has mentioned him a few times to Spencer, saying he’d love him “oh he’s so handsome, but so sweet and loving, like the hottest man on earth- I’d marry him in a heartbeat, but we don’t roll like that, Y’know?” That’s how she described him once, and of course Spencer remembered that word for word. Spencer felt like it was just his luck, that his only work colleague was best friends with a man so attractive that his mind isn’t working fully.

Not to mention he was in the BAU, Spencer guessed he was, since Garcia was their technical analyst. But still, it would be just his luck to know this insanely attractive man was part of the team he wanted to belong to so bad. Spencer wasn’t sure how to respond as he kept his composure. After all, yeah, Derek was attractive. But they probably wouldn’t speak again after this exchange. It wasn’t worth Spencer thinking about him, or how Garcia described him.

“I’m sorry, I don’t shake. But it’s nice to meet you, I’ll find you once I’m done. If you need anymore help, feel free to let me know.” Spencer told him, looking back at the files on his desk as a distraction away from this hot guy that was just standing so calmly in his office, as if Spencer ever had any visitors into the cramped space besides Garcia and Kevin.

By the time spencer looked back up, Derek’s arm was back down by his side. “Okay, thank you.”

~

Derek was surprised by their exchange, to say the least. How did he not know about this genius before? How was he not more well known, a memory thing, three PhD’s- that would be a useful asset? How come he was hidden away in a closet sized office? He had to know more. Even if it was nosy and stupid.

Normally, he’d call Garcia and ask her if it was about an employee. But in this case, he couldn’t. And he couldn’t go to Spencer, that would be weird.

So, he did the next best thing. He asked Hotch.

~

He knocked slowly on Hotchner’s door, hoping he wasn’t going to tell him to mind his business and not ask about employee facts when they definitely were irrelevant.

Derek was smart though, he figured out a foolproof way to play this. So when Hotch said, “Yes?” He came in, starting his plan into motion.

“Hotch, where’s Garcia?” He asked him, as if Derek hadn’t immediately checked up on his babygirl when he couldn’t find her. “Oh,” Hotch started, setting a file down that he had been looking over, “She took some vacation time.”

“So, who am I supposed to go to for computer help?” Derek asked, “Well,” Hotchner started, matter of factly, while he reached for a thin, unopened file on his desk. “We have a new guy helping us. Kevin’s busy with helping the child abduction unit reset their computers, as well as he’s in an IT meeting right now, so we have..” Hotch stopped, looking down to read the name off the file; “Doctor Spencer Reid. I’m sure he’ll be just as good.”

“Hotch. No ones as good as Garcia.” Derek pointed out, Hotch shrugged. “Maybe not. But this guy has a glowing personal history- and Garcia told me she taught him everything he knows.”

“What’s his personal history?” Derek asked curiously, stepping a bit closer but still trying to play nonchalance. “You know I’m not able to disclose that. You can go ask him for yourself.” Derek sighed. Of course Hotch wasn’t gonna tell him shit. He should’ve expected this. But sue him, call him hopeful. He was hoping he could’ve gotten some information on this mysterious doctor.

~

Derek made his defeated way back to his desk in the bullpen. And Emily, whose desk was directly across from his, immediately noticed his slight annoyance at Hotch. So she asked in a hushed voice as soon as he sat down;

“Did you get yelled at by Hotch?” Because in her mind, that was the most logical explanation that made the most sense. Derek just shook his head as a response, “No,” he clarified, “I was asking about our Garcia fill-in, and Hotch wouldn’t tell me anything.”

“Garcia fill-in? She’s gone?” Emily asked confusedly looking back to the hallway that led to Penelope’s office, as if she’d magically appear. “Yeah, but just for the week.” Derek explained, “She’s using those vacation days she had saved up. And Kevin isn’t our standby, ‘cause he’s busy. Instead it’s some new guy.”

“Who?” Prentiss asked, this time she was curious. And as if on cue, Dr. Spencer Reid came through the glass doors, and into the bullpen, carrying Morgan’s stack of files.

“Him.” Morgan pointed back simply as a response as he waved Spencer over.

~

To say Spencer felt out of his element by being in the BAU bullpen was an understatement, he felt like a fish out of water. Like he was suffocating and everything around him was too much.

He purposely avoided the bullpen, first reason being because he didn’t have any work with the BAU. But the second reason was he knew if he stepped in, he’d be more upset that he couldn’t be on the team. And the last thing he wanted to do was make his job worse for himself.

But, this experience was an outlier. And though Spencer can remember almost anything and everything, he planned on doing his best to purposely forget all of this. Every last detail.

He wasn’t going to let himself remember how there were field agents with real life guns holstered at their sides, how they were all sitting casually, looking over cases and drinking coffee, how they had the title of SSA (he only had SA, which he still was bitter about.), and then how at a moments notice they could fly away in a jet. How astonishing their work is, how jealous he is.

But Spencer entered through the glass doors nonetheless, looking around quickly before seeing Derek wave him over. Derek was sat at his desk, talking to a woman whose head was turned away from Spencer, all he could see was that she was his desk mate, and that she had black hair.

Spencer made his way over at a brisk pace, he just needed to get in and out. If he stayed for too long, he’d let himself remember to much.

“Hey, I- I got these into VICAP no problem,“ Spencer started as he handed Derek the case files, “But I noticed some errors on the date stamping on when you found the unsub so I corrected it myself, I hope you don’t mind.”

Derek shook his head casually, “Not a problem at all, I have a habit of messing that up. Thanks doc.” Fuck, ‘doc’? Spencer hadn’t been called ‘doctor’ in months, let alone ‘doc’. This was turning into a tailspin moment for him as he smiled awkwardly, feeling a blush rising to his face, he wasn’t sure what else to do. But he wanted to get out of there.

Thankfully, the woman with black hair introduced herself, as once he had rounded the corner to see Derek, he also saw her face. She was pretty, and had bangs. “Hi, I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Emily Prentiss.” She reached her hand over to shake Reid’s expectantly, “Oh I-“ Reid started, hands down at his sides, he wasn’t going to move them.

“He doesn’t shake, Prentiss.” Derek explained casually, “Oh,” Emily said, dropping her hand down, “Sorry! It’s still good to meet you, though. So I hear you’re covering for Garcia?” She asked Spencer, who nodded as he pushed a piece of hair back behind his ear.

“Yeah she’s taking vacation time, and Kevin is currently busy with helping the child abduction unit. So I’ll be you technical analyst for the next week or so.”

“I’m sorry, but how long have you been with the bureau? You look really young. I don’t mean to be rude I’m just-“ “You’re really asking him the rudest possible question, though, huh?” Derek joked to her, and she just smacked him on the arm lightly before turning her attention back to Spencer.

“No you’re fine to ask I- um, I’ve been with the bureau a year and a half, but originally I was on the domestic terrorism field unit.” He explained shortly, he didn’t wanna go into how he got on the bureau to begin with, or how he left the domestic terrorism unit. All he wanted to do was have this conversation end, or else it would just be that much harder to forget.

“Domestic terrorism? So how do you end up doing technical analyst work?” Derek butted in curiously, up until now it has been Prentiss asking all the questions.

Spencer stayed quiet for a moment, before finally responding, “If you need anything else, my office is next to Garcia’s. It’s been nice meeting you, Emily.” All he gave to Derek was a curt nod before walking out at the brisk pace he had entered with.

~

“Wow, well you fucked that up.” Prentiss spoke to Derek once she saw Spencer exiting through the glass doors, and turning down the hallway.

He sighed and rolled his eyes at her, “I’m just curious about him, can you blame me?” Emily just chuckled softly in return, shaking her head as she turned her chair around to face him more head on.

“Are you curious about him because he’s cute, or because he’s replacing Garcia for the week?” Derek blinked at her in surprise; “I never said he was cute.” He protested, more confused than anything else.

“You didn’t say it, but your body language did. You think he’s cute. You called him ‘doc’ and he almost blushed, and I have a feeling you’re gonna try and call him ‘doc’ again to see that same result- and you watched him the entire time, even if I was talking.”

“You think random bureau agents are cute all the time, what’s it matter?” Derek rebutted, trying to deflect and ignore, because Prentiss wasn’t making sense. Derek wasn’t attracted to Spencer, he didn’t think he was cute. Spencer’s level of attractiveness had nothing to do with his curiosity.

Derek did have a right to be curious for other reasons, anyways. This guy was replacing Garcia for a bit. It made sense Derek would wanna know more about the guy, even if he was or wasn’t attractive.

“Yeah, I find agents cute. But I don’t go asking Hotch about them.” Prentiss said with a smirk, Derek just shot her a glare. “I asked Hotch because he’s replacing Garcia. And I’ve not heard of the guy before.”

“Whatever you say, man.” Was all Emily replied with as she turned back to her work, Derek just rolled his eyes at her again before turning to his own computer.

Okay, so he knew Spencer was in domestic terrorism. It couldn’t hurt to just search it up, right? It wasn’t anything classified, he’d be able to see it, Derek hoped. He wasn’t meaning to be nosy, but he was just so curious and confused. He just had to know more.

———————————————————————

[fromiftowhen]

fic: my offering is true (an Upstead one-shot)

For the fifth day of the @upsteadofficial Christmas prompt challenge -- HOLIDAY TRADITIONS.

Rated T | 2860 words | Title from Offering by The Avett Brothers.

“So what's the plan for next week?”

She pauses, her fork halfway to her mouth. “Um. Work? I don't know?”

He shakes his head. “I mean for Christmas, Hailey. I know it'll look different this year, but what do you normally do?”

She shrugs and sets down her fork. “Pre-pandemic? I dunno. Work, usually? Some years I’d get Chinese food on Christmas Eve, hang out with friends who weren't spending the year with their family.”

“Okay,” he says. “Chinese food is good.”

“We don't have to-- we can do something else.”

It's their first Christmas together, and he knows it's a weird year to start spending holidays together. Huge parties are a no-go, and besides their coworkers, they haven't spent much time outside the house as a couple.

(Being cooped up inside the majority of the time has its benefits, and he's not ever gonna complain about it, but.)

But he'd be lying if he said he hadn't thought about Christmas with Hailey, waking up in the morning with her, snow covering the windows, exchanging gifts over Christmas breakfast in bed.

“I love Chinese food,” he tells her, grinning. “I've just gotta FaceTime Will after we eat, and I'll be good.”

“Now?” She asks, and he laughs.

“No, on Christmas Eve. It's a thing. No matter where we both were or how much we might have not liked each other all the time, we've always found a way to talk. It's a tradition, or whatever.”

She glances down at her plate for a moment, and when she looks back up, he catches just a hint of sadness she couldn’t quite cover in time. “That’s nice,” is all she says, but the look sticks with him.

——————————

He doesn’t bring it up again until later in the week, when her legs are still tangled with his and their breathing is coming back to normal, early in the morning.

He runs a hand up and down her arm gently. “You really don’t go home for Christmas?”

“I am home,” she says quietly.

“No, I know.” He presses a kiss to the top of her head. “I mean, you don’t go see your parents, your brothers?”

Her hair tickles his chest as she shakes her head. “No. By the time I was old enough to realize Santa was just my mom, up late at night alone, wrapping gifts after my dad passed out, I had a hard time getting in the family spirit. And my brothers have their own things going on now,” she says. “Normally I’d see them later in the week. I guess I’ll just call them this year.”

He nods.

“What about you?”

He laughs softly. The holidays were never the same after his mom passed away, after he and Will got busy with their own lives. “Will and I would go see my dad every year we could, he’d give us a six-pack of beer to split, we’d eat some steak, call it a day. We didn’t do gifts after my mom.”

Her arm wraps around his chest and her lips press against his skin, but she doesn’t say anything.

——————————

“Do you have any good memories from when you were little, things you did on Christmas that you loved?”

They’re in his truck, surveilling a suspect a couple of days before Christmas Eve. The sun is setting, and when she glances over at him, there’s a halo of light framing her face.

“What’s with you and Christmas this year? We’ve never talked about it this much.”

He shrugs.

She side-eyes him for a moment, but relents. “On Christmas Eve, my mom would bake cookies. You know, like for Santa. She and my dad would drink eggnog and we’d all eat cookies and read ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas in front of the fire. I think I fell asleep in front of the fire most years. I guess that’s the best memory.”

“That’s nice,” he whispers.

She nods, smiling. “It was. What about you?”

He thinks back to being little, trying to quietly creep down the stairs after his mom had put him and Will to bed, anticipation aching in his chest for the next morning.

“Will and I used to try to see who could stay up the latest and wait for Santa,” he laughs. “Will always swore he heard sleigh bells or whatever, and we could never agree on who fell asleep first, but it was totally always him.”

“Little Halstead brothers competing against each other, I’m shocked,” she says, her smile bright.

He leans over and presses a kiss to her cheek quickly, something they don’t usually let themselves do in public while working.

“What was that for?” She asks, but her fingers drag over his knee slowly, and she smiles.

“Just ‘cause,” he says. “I’m just excited for Christmas for the first time in a long time.”

Her smile this time is slow, and it really feels like he earned it. “Yeah, me too.”

——————————

She wasn’t lying. She’s excited for Christmas in a way she hasn’t been since maybe those nights around the fire with her family as a young kid, and Jay is the biggest part of that. She wants to eat Chinese food in front of a cheesy Christmas movie with him and fall asleep only after they’re both exhausted.

Except, of course, because it’s 2020, things don’t go as planned at all.

The suspect they were surveilling ends up being a bigger piece of the puzzle than anyone thought, and by the time Christmas Eve rolls around, their investigation has turned into a Title 3 wire that has to start immediately.

Kevin and Adam spend the morning getting everything in place, setting surveillance, and she, Jay, and Kim get everything in place in the tech room.

By late afternoon, Voight tells them he’ll need two of them to stay overnight and cover the wire, he doesn’t care which two, but it’s Christmas, don’t fight.

When Voight leaves, she looks over at Jay and nods toward the break room. When he meets her in front of the sink, she sighs.

“I know,” is all he says.

“It’s just… Kevin’s sister quarantined for two weeks so she could come to spend Christmas with him, and Kim is going to her sister’s, and Adam dresses up as Santa for his nephew every year,” she says.

His fingers find hers at the edge of the counter. “Hailey, it’s fine. I just wanted to spend Christmas with you. If it’s gotta be like this, we’ll make do.”

“Yeah?”

He nods. “Yeah, come on.”

Kim hugs her, quick and tight when they tell them all to leave, and Jay grins before calling goodbye to “Santa” as Adam gathers his stuff.

“Dude, Hailey,” Adam groans. “Just because you saw the Santa suit in my closet one time doesn’t mean you can tell everyone that story.”

“Bro, you own the suit? That’s so much better, thanks for that detail,” Jay calls, and laughter follows Adam, Kim, and Kevin down the stairs.

Voight leaves a while later, with a promise to be back in the morning to check-in. By the time they’re settling into the tech room, it’s almost 7, and her stomach is rumbling.

“Hey,” she says, leaning back in her chair. “I know this isn’t the Christmas we planned on, but can we still get Chinese? My treat. I’m hungry.”

“Read my mind,” he says, handing over his phone for her to order, the website of their favorite place already open.

——————————

By the time the food gets there and they eat, they’re a couple of hours into the wire. His phone beeps as they’re cleaning up their food, and he glances down to see a text from Will.

“Hey, are you good here for a few minutes? Will’s got a couple of free minutes now.”

She nods, and he leans over to press a kiss to her temple. “Back soon.”

“Tell Best Halstead hi,” she calls over her shoulder to him, grinning.

He settles down onto the couch in the breakroom and dials Will’s number, his brother’s stupid red hair the first thing he sees in the low light of the doctor’s lounge.

“Hey,” Will says. “Where is your significantly better better-half?”

He rolls his eyes. “If you couldn’t tell by the breakroom, we’re still at work. We caught a pretty big case, so she and I are working the night shift. She says hey.”

“Dude, that sucks.”

He shrugs. “At least we’re together,” he says. “Plans changed, but… 2020, right?”

Will nods. “What were your plans?”

He glares at the screen, raising an eyebrow. “Bro.”

Will laughs. “Ugh, never mind.”

Jay shrugs. “Hey, you asked. But we had some Chinese food, and we’ll just postpone the other plans.”

“That beats my granola bar and Red Eye.”

“Glad to see some things never change, even this year. Hey, I should get back. You okay over there?”

He watches Will’s face crease with stress. “No, but. You know. We’re all trying.”

“I know, man. I’m sorry. Merry Christmas, almost.”

“Merry Christmas, bro. Tell Hailey your face is no match for hers. Thanks for keeping the tradition alive this year.”

“Same, bro.” He waves and reaches out to end the call, grateful for a tiny piece of normalcy, a little tradition in a weird, scary year, and on a holiday that isn’t going how he planned. He glances around the room, to the sink where he’d told Hailey he just wanted to spend Christmas with her, where he’d almost told her everything a couple of years prior. He thinks about her face in the truck the other day, her smile as she’d told him about her favorite childhood Christmas tradition.

His eyes fall on a box in the corner of the room, supplies from when the city went through a run of rolling blackouts in the heat of summer. He knows there are candles in there still, and his mind sets to work.

——————————

“How’s Will?” She asks, stretching her arms up over her head as he comes back in the room a while later.

“He’s going through it still, but he’s good. Apparently, he thinks you’re prettier than I am,” he tells her, and she laughs.

“Told you he was the best Halstead.”

“I’ll admit he’s not wrong about that, but I dunno about best Halstead,” he says, coming to stand behind her. His fingers dig into tense muscle in her shoulders, and she sighs, taking her hand off the mouse and relaxing under his touch. His left thumb digs into a knot at the base of her neck, and she closes her eyes.

“Did I miss anything?” He asks quietly.

“No,” she whispers. “This guy is boring. Maybe it’s the holiday, I don’t know. But it’s gonna be a long night, I think.”

His breath on her neck makes her open her eyes. His lips press just below her ear, and more tension eases out of her from beneath his fingers.

“Wanna go knockout for a couple of hours? Relax?”

She shakes her head. “No, you go first. I’m still wired. I just need to stretch a little. You know I wouldn’t sleep anyway.”

“Okay,” he says. “Come get me if you want me.”

She grins, and he rolls his eyes. “Fine. Come get me if you need me.”

She winks, and he presses his lips to her neck slowly for a moment before backing away and heading out the door.

She stands and stretches slowly, breathing in and counting out breaths slowly as her muscles start to relax. She settles back in front of the computer and loses herself in watching the wire, copying video files, and organizing files. She’s not sure how much time has passed before Jay peeks his head back in the room, but she knows it hasn't been any more than an hour at most.

“Couldn’t sleep?”

“Nah,” he says. “Hey, come take a quick break with me.”

She glances at the screens in front of her, at the clock above her.

“C’mon,” he says, gesturing out the door. “You said yourself he’s boring. Set all the videos to autosave. Just 15 minutes. We’ll go back through it later.”

She considers for a moment and nods, clicking a few buttons and following him out the door.

——————————

“You were supposed to be sleeping,” she says, walking into the breakroom and turning quickly to face him.

He shrugs. “Figured maybe we’d try to have some new kind of Christmas tradition tonight.”

“Jay…” He waits for her to say more, but she trails off, and he nudges her hip toward the couch.

The candles had been easy to pull out of the box and set up on the table, and he’d stolen matches from the box, lighting them before he’d left the room.

The cookies had proven more difficult, but he figures Oreos from the vending machine in the lobby are better than none.

They obviously didn’t have a copy of ‘Twas The Night Before Christmas hanging around, but he’d Googled and printed off the poem, and that would have to do.

She just watches him as she sits, and he lifts the corner of his mouth in a smile. “I know holiday traditions can be hard as you get older, and some have to change, but some are worth bringing back.”

She just nods as he comes to sit next to her, and he watches her take in the flicker of the flames from the candles.

“It’s not a fireplace, and if anyone ever asks, I definitely did not burn the emergency preparedness candles. And there’s no eggnog, but Kim does have a half-empty bottle of eggnog flavored coffee creamer in the fridge if you’re feeling brave.” He hands her the Oreos, and she laughs. “They’re not homemade, but they’re better than I could make. And, here,” he says, pulling the poem out of his back pocket and handing it to her.

She bites her lip as she unfolds it, reading the first few lines aloud.

“‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all thro’ the house, Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse; The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;”

“I love you for doing this,” she says quietly, her lips finding his in the dark of the room.

He presses his thumb against her jaw and kisses her back slowly.

She pulls back and smiles, leaning into him. “Thank you.”

“We need our own traditions,” he says. “Hopefully, they won’t always include Christmas in this breakroom, but I think I’d be okay if they did.”

She nods. “Me too.”

He wants to spend the rest of the night like this, but he knows they have to get back to work eventually.

“Come on,” he says, pulling her against his chest. “Finish the poem.”

The candlelight bounces off the page as her quiet voice fills the room again and his lips find her neck.

(Her voice is fading in and out as she reaches the final lines, and he presses his lips to her temple as he eases her down onto the couch, blowing out the candles and pulling the door shut quietly behind him.

She’ll wake up soon, and come find her spot next to him, working beside him easily, and that’ll always be his favorite tradition of theirs.)

[remmushound]

Curse of the Clan, part 50!

@selfindulgenz @scentedcandlecryptid

Donatello got as close as the sidewalk and then stopped. Everyone else had already started to file into TCRI before anyone noticed the silent softshell was no longer among them. It was Raphael who noticed first, doing a mental headcount of his family before his eyes snapped to the streets to search for the straggler.

“Donnie?” He called to his brother.

“I… I can’t…” Donatello whimpered. He tries to force himself to take another step forward, but every moment closer to TCRI was like a blinding flame searing across his skin. Debris collapsed on his shell, crushing the breath from within him. Pressure— painful pressure. There was fire and he couldn’t breath and he couldn’t find his family and—

April reached out a hand to touch the softshell and the horrors were cleared away like fog when the sun came out. She gave Donatello a patient smile and then glanced over at the remaining friends.

“I’ll stay out here with him. Not too eager to explore the bowels of TCRI so soon, y’know?”

Raphael gave a knowing nod. He motioned his clan to follow him, but it didn't take long for Draxum to once more take command of the group. He led through the empty lobby— and then they were all pulled back, like a movie put in reverse. One by one, they were back on the sidewalk, none of them with any recollection of walking back on their own.

“Uh… what was that?” Leonardo asked, looking down at his hands and then up at his brothers.

“Didn't we just…?” Raphael motioned to the building.

“Yep. Yep we did.” Leonardo whistled.

“Uh— o-okay…” Raphael looked around at the rest of his family with unsure eyes, but then quickly cleared his throat. “Okay! Let’s… let’s try this again!”

They didn't even get past the threshold of the door before they were forced back again by the rewind.

“Okay, what’s going on?” Leonardo put a hand on his hip and scowled as he looked around, “Who’s doing that?!”

His words triggered the rest gathered to all look around, searching for any signs of life other than the ones they knew were there. The streets were just as dead and empty as ever, no life to be seen in either direction, human nor yokai.

“So… did we all just have a shared hallucination, or…?” Leonardo motioned vaguely.

Michelangelo hummed. He felt all tingly and weird, but not in a bad way. It was like tiny, magic tap shoes were dancing their way over his arms, leaving him with goosebumps and a shutter that made him laugh. A familiar tip-tapping tickle! He smiled widely. He knew that magic!

Just as he recognized the lovely tingle of Renet’s magic, she materialized in front of him, a mess of giggles as she pressed her finger to the top of Michelangelo’s beak.

“Boop!”

Michelangelo swiped at his beak, giving a happy cluck before tossing himself open-armed at the woman. He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed her tightly, lifting her slightly from her chair in the process though she didn't care one bit. She returned the hug with equal enthusiasm.

“Renet!”

“Mikey!” Renet cooed, pinching the younger boy's cheeks.

“Leo.” Leonardo raised a hand and waved. “And Raph and Donnie and Draxum and Casey and April and dad and Sunita. Now we all know each other: who are you?”

Renet shifted herself to be able to view the rest of Michelangelo’s family, their curious eyes boring into her as they tried to make sense of the pari. She offered a smile and a wave to the group, then she considered and gave a quick bow to the older two among them.

“Salam! I hope one of those were right.” She covered her mouth as she giggled. “I am Renet.”

“It’s my friend I told you about!” Michelangelo cheered, wrapping an arm around her, “She gave me my blessing! But what are you doing here?”

“Wait— were you messing with us just now?” Raphael asked.

“Yep.” Renet chirped proudly. “You really shouldn’t go in that basement; that whole place is rigged to explode!”

Looks were exchanged by everyone, eyes lingering a little longer on Donatello than anyone else. April huffed, stepping forward to confront this new yokai and her claim.

“How would you know?”

“I’m a Time Seamstress!”

“In training!” Michelangelo added helpfully.

“I know certain decisions will lead to certain outcomes, and I’d rather not see my newest and only friend burn to death in a fiery blaze of pain and suffering.” Renet said matter-a-factly as she nodded.

Michelangelo blinked. “Thanks for that.”

Cassandra threw her head back and screamed to the winds. “Nooo! We’re back at square one again!”

“At least we don’t have a time limit?” Draxum suggested.

“We kinda do.” Leonardo pointed out, “Seriously— how long do you think it will be before Krang starts living it up in every major city in Japan?”

“Well I’m sorry for being optimistic.” Draxum huffed, and then shivered, “Ugh. Michelangelo is rubbing off on me.”

Michelangelo didn't care about the remark. He frowned as he walked over to Donatello, who was still standing just beyond the curb with his shoulders hunched and tight.

“Did… did you know something bad would happen if we went inside, Donnie?”

Donatello shrugged, his hands going down to fiddle with Shelldon’s heart.

“How did you know that?” Raphael asked, crouching over to be eye-level with his little brother.

“I dunno… I just knew…” Donatello muttered under his breath.

“Me and Mikey are usually the ones who ‘just know’.” Leonardo pointed out.

“Of course…” Draxum’s eyes gave the slightest gleam, pointing a claw toward Donatello’s new mystic bo staff. “His weapon must be displaying its mystic charges by now.”

“You think he’s psychic?” Splinter asked, his whiskers twitching with doubt.

“No.” Draxum said, approaching Donatello close enough to hover a hand over his shoulder. “He’s precognetic. Just like when you three first got your powers, his is still weak and he had very little control over it. But with time, he could grow to master it! Such a power is near limitless with the right control behind it!”

“That— that’s great!” Leonardo said; his cheeks hurt from smiling so much and so widely, but he didn't dare let the smile leave his face. “That means we’re five for seven on the mystic powers right?”

“Wrong.” Draxum muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose. “How many times does it have to be said that you and your brothers’ powers are not the same as your old ones, and even if they were, you’d still have to take the time to learn the full extent of them like you did before.”

“Well… when our parachutes didn't work, Raphie made a shield around us before we hit the ground.” Michelangelo pointed out.

“Grand.” Draxum nodded. “So we have precognition…” He motioned to Donatello, “Super strength…” He pointed at the smug April, “Shields…” He nodded toward Raphael, “AND NO IDEA!”

The last words were savage and targeted at Splinter, Cassandra, and the younger turtle brothers.

“Actually…” Raphael finally worked up the courage to say, his voice soft like a mouse, “I… might have an idea…”

“Were you going to share with the class?” Draxum asked, his dark eyes boring into Raphael like a predator’s sharp glare.

“He would if you’d let him talk!” Cassandra snarled, immediately coming to Raphael’s aid. She went to his side, holding onto one of his massive arms in support. “Go on, big guy.”

Raphael smiled in his best friend's direction before taking a sharp, deep breath. “D… do you know about the Council of Heads?”

“Yes.” Draxum said, lips pulling back in a scowl. “As a yokai, of course I do.”

“Not a clue.” Leonardo said, nodding his head.

“The Council are like our presidents.” Sunita explained quickly, to which the mutants and April all nodded their quiet understanding.

“W-well… when I was looking for a king, I… went to visit them and they tried to my bless my weapon.”

“Tried?” Leonardo prompted.

“Yeah. Uh. Didn't work.” Raphael hung his head and gave a weak laugh, then cleared his throat and looked back up. “They told me to turn around and— and not to look but I did. And…”

“And?” Draxum prompted, far more aggressively than Leonardo had. “Come on, wrap it up. We haven’t got all day.”

“They… there was this…”

Draxum nodded along, his eyes growing wider in his impatience as he tried to hurry the story along. Cassandra pointed two fingers at her eyes and then at Draxum as a warning of patience.

“It… like… kinda looked like Krang.”

“What do you mean?” April asked.

“Like— like a tentacle!” Raphael said, “With barbs on it…”

Donatello’s eyes went wide and then his head shrunk back into his shell. April and Leonardo were immediately on either side of the softshell, holding him up as his weak legs tried to give out on him.

“Like what we saw with Krang.” Michelangelo said.

“Exactly!” Raphael sighed.

“But that… couldn’t have been Krang.” Leonardo said with a laugh, “Krang was still in the mountain at the time.”

“I know that!” Raphael scoffed, “But they really, really looked like Krang. If they're the same species, then maybe they’d… know how to track him?”

“It’s highly unlikely…” Draxum mused.

“You got any better ideas?” Cassandra asked, her eyes daring anyone to speak up. No one did. “Fine. It’s settled. Let’s go talk to some heads.”

[some-dr-writings]

Gundham comforts a stressed reader who feels like they can’t make progress in anything

·       Rolling.

·       That was the best word to describe how you were feeling. Like you were constantly rolling down a hill, unable to stop. On some occasions you manage to slow down and desperately try to claw back up that hill but to no avail, simply slipping, falling, beginning to roll again. No matter what you did, you couldn’t stop it.

·       Everything you did seemed to end in failure or stagnated. No matter what you tried you couldn’t improve. It seemed you were even getting worse and worse, losing progress.

·       That’s all it was. You kept slipping, falling, spiraling, and rolling with no control whatsoever. The only thing that kept you going on these seemingly pointless endeavors was the thought that if you got a foothold somewhere, you could make it and get better. But at this point it just seemed to be a false hope you fed yourself.

·       You began to wonder how in the world you were going to keep this up. At this point it seemed simply giving up was the best thing to do. At least at that point you wouldn’t be failing anymore. After all, how can you fail when you weren’t even trying anymore?

·       So maybe you should just give up…

·       Just give up…

·       Give up…

·       …

·       ..

·       .

·      

·       But you didn’t want to.

·       You didn’t want to give up.

·       Not just yet at least, but… you didn’t know what else you could do.

·       “My Companion! Might you still wander this hallowed, cramped space, or have you fled seeking a more worthwhile den?” Gundham? That sounded like him, but you thought he was leaving for work in Brazil, or some other place? Just some place far way from here. With groans and grunts you sat up on the couch, finding your half-eaten cup of noodles still sat on the table, freezing.

·       “My Companion, what plague or curse has clouded your mortal form? Your skin pale, purple dyed under your eyes, and you’re keeled as if in great pain.” “… What are you doing here?” There was a distinct muffled, grogginess in your voice as you rested your head in one of your hands, your pounding headache making even moving unbearable. “Elaborate on the supposed meaning of your words! I should hope they don’t translate to what I’m understanding! It’d be ludicrous to even dare to think I’d not come search after you severed contact so abruptly. Did we not agree to seek out a new home for you?” You looked to the man in absolute confusion. “… ugh, my ice Lord, you said you’d go apartment hunting with me after you got back from work.” “… E-exactly… It’s long past the appointed time of our predestined meeting. I’ve made many attempts to contact thy being, yet you’ve placed up wall after wall of spells making contact only in this form feasible.” “… What?”

·       You fell back on the couch with a loud thud. “I’m too exhausted for this. Do you mean my phone?” You laid on your stomach, burying your face into the pillow. You limply tossed an arm off the couch. With it just dangling over the side you patted the ground several times before feeling that thin, smooth, flat device. You couldn’t quite get a grip and it slipped from your fingers several times before you finally managed to grasp it. Your vision was but a haze but being so familiar with those buttons you saw you missed several calls and texts from Gundham. They were a week old. Scrolling through the texts you saw how the messages got more frantic over time. Nothing over the top but clearly you worried him. “sorry.” You dropped the phone, not caring about where it landed.

·       You heard the soft rustling of fabric. Looking out from the corner of your eye, you saw Gundham sat before the couch, leaning his back against the side of the seats. Immediately some of his generals pocked their little heads out, sniffing the air for a moment, before hopping out of the scarf, and snuggling into you. You rolled onto your side, sighing feeling the softness of their fur against your skin.

·       “… What happened in my absence?” “… I don’t know. I feel awful in every way, in both my body and my mind. I feel like I've been trying so hard and nothing comes of it… Heh, that’s actually why I wanted to move out and get a new apartment. I was hoping a change in scenery would make things better, but… I don’t know. I’ve been forcing myself to just keep going for one more day for, what, months, maybe a year now? I can’t keep going on like this. Everything I do just ends in failure, or at the very least just doesn’t change at all. I just feel so useless! Like I can’t do anything!” “… I’m glade to hear frustration in that voice.” “Huh?” “From the moment my Generals and I entered your domain, you spoke in a tone of indifference, hollowness. Nothing. Yet, for a brief moment, towards the end, I heard frustration. That means you have yet to lose all your will.” “… tch. Being frustrated isn’t going to get me anywhere, Tanaka.” “That in of itself my not, but the will igniting it can.” “No it can’t, I’ve exhausted all my will. How is anything in my life supposed to get better now, with so little will when before I had much more. Hell! When I had more will, ambition, drive, that’s when my life started going downhill, just me rolling over and over again! Damn it! I can’t go on like this forever! I’m just so tired!”

·       Gundham glanced over his shoulder, finding you shivering and hugging yourself. “… Then don’t.” You looked to him in confusion with those wavering, glossy eyes. “Don’t keep going. I’m not saying to give up. To give up is to die. Have you ever seen a fight between demon beasts? If not, I’ll tell you. The first thing you’ll notice is how both sides give it their everything. They will do ANYTHING to live, no matter the cost, even their own tail or arm, even if it means losing a part of themselves, they’ll do anything to live. They so desperately cling to life never willing to let go. Even if they appear to be out matched, they still fight. Even here before your den I’ve seen a little tiny mouse fight and even scare away a cat. Even a mouse in the jaws of a venomous snake still kicks, and bites. Even if it will do nothing. They still fight. Plants do the same thing. They steal life from other plants and creatures of any sort in order to grow and thrive, all to stay alive. Yet, you need not to fight a never ending battle to live. You have the option to run. Rest. Lick your wounds and build up your strength. Become stronger than you are now or were a year ago. Set your current battles aside. Only continue to fight the ones needed to survive. Leave the others till you are stronger. Though there are a few fights you cannot run from, you need to rest. Healing your soul and body is the only way to stand any chance of winning. Healing one will in turn heal the other. It may seem impossible when beginning but the more you push on the easier it will become.” “Easy for you to say.” “No. It is not. I may not be in the thick of it, but you are my Companion. I shall never allow you to endure this hardship alone. I and my Generals shall support and fight beside you as long as you’ll have us.”

·       You’d only taken in half of what Gundham had said, feeling exhausted having gotten hardly any sleep, stressing over everything for the past few nights. But you still heard the tender warmth in his voice. That alone eased your racing, drowning thoughts. You saw Gundham get up, placing his scarf and last of his generals atop you. He messed with the TV for a moment, playing your favorite show before leaving. You watched in a daze, time flying by and you didn’t even notice Gundham had returned with two plates of pasta in hand. “I hope this will suffice for nourishment. This boxed, dried wheat and jarred sauce were the only pieces to make a full meal, hidden away in your cupboards.” “Oh, thank you.” You dragged yourself into sitting up, then gently took the plate and fork that was placed on the table before you. Gundham sat beside you, taking pellets out of his pockets to feed his Generals while you mindlessly watched and ate.

·       Too soon you finished your meal. “I shall clean up while you get prepared.” “Huh? Prepared for what?” “Our walk. We’re going to get you fresh air. The air here has stagnated and gone musty, likely a manifestation for your mind that feeds back into you in an endless cycle. I shall assist you breaking that cycle and the first step is to cleanse your body and garments. Now, off you go.” “Alright.” Once you were both finished cleaning you took a step out of your apartment complex. You stood under the sun’s rays, looking up to that bright sky. You took a deep breath, feeling the fresh wind gently roll past. You still felt awful, but seeing how Gundham so softly looked to you, knowing your friend was by our side, you felt that just maybe you could try to stop rolling again today.