#two things: why do I always wait until the last minute to do jen's birthday gifset and then panic for a theme

[idlesuperstar]

for @cinemaocd on the occasion of her birthday, some favourite swoonsters in jammies or robes or other glorious nightwear <3

[2996-sana]

Not So Unrequited Love - Jennie

At 11 on a Friday, Jennie finds herself at Coffee Beanz where her, Jisoo, Lisa, and Rosé usually meet for their weekly brunch. The quaint little coffee shop that huddled despondent among huge city buildings has cemented itself as their go-to place ever since Jisoo came across it during their freshman year of college. The interior was warm and cheery and always played really good jazz during Fridays which Jennie absolutely loved.

Now professionals with outstanding positions in their own industries, the four girls still haven’t forgotten about the one place that always gave them a bittersweet recollection of their time as broke and stressed college students. Not that they need the weekly trips to the coffee shop to see each other. They all lived in the same apartment complex separated by just a few doors from each other after all. It was just a nice little tradition that reminded them to remain grounded no matter how far they come in their own careers.

This week, the topic at hand over their usual coffee and brunch orders was Jennie’s struggle to find a date.

“Why is this happening to me?” Jennie complains, throwing her hands in the air. “Am I lacking something?”

The three girls rolled their eyes at their best friend. Jennie really did have a flare for the dramatics.

“Jen, you literally have people lining up to date you.” Jisoo reassured while the other two hummed in agreement.

“That’s right,” Rosé says, taking a pause to sip her coffee. “I mean Y/N is literally the living embodiment of that statement.”

Lisa snorts at Rosé’s words. You were Rosé’s childhood best friend and business partner who first crossed paths with Jennie about three years ago during their company launching and was notorious in their friend group for your not so subtle crush on Jennie.

This was not lost on Jennie however. Not at all. Moves were made. These so-called moves could’ve definitely been executed better, Jennie was sure of that, but she appreciated your efforts.

You just weren’t her type.

Jennie grimaced hearing your name. “I-I don’t know, Rosie. Nothing against her or whatever. She’s just not my type is all.”

“You know, Jennie, just because Y/N isn’t the typical person littered with tattoos that you usually go for, doesn’t mean she won’t make good company on a date.”

She wanted to rebut Lisa’s argument but she knew the girl had a point. Looking at her dating history, she was known for being with people – boys and girls – who all looked and acted like their moral compass could use some adjusting. What can she say? She has always been a sucker for someone wild.

You on the other hand could be compared to sunshine. Jennie can’t ever recall seeing you without a smile on your face. It almost seemed like it was the last step in your morning routine before walking out of your house. In Jennie’s eyes, you were too nice. Nicer than Rosé (if you’re on her good side) and that is saying a lot.

“Lisa is right, Jen. Y/N is actually super cool,” Jisoo insisted, remembering the time she bumped into you at an art exhibition. It was there that she discovered that you were one for the arts and had two of your paintings featured that night. She also noticed how people lit up at your presence and appreciated how you commanded the room whenever you began talking. It reminded her of how tough and demanding you were during a meeting she was able to attend that one time she visited Rosé. The impressed faces of your investors were ingrained in Jisoo’s brain. She was convinced you were a whole different person when needed to be.

Jisoo was fond of you. Especially for Jennie. She knew that if Jennie just gave you the time of day, Jennie would be able to look past her perception of you: boring and plain – and discover that you are more than what meets the eye.  

“Yeah, Jen! Give her a chance,” Rosé was sporting a pout, clearly wanting both of her friends to get together.

With her best friends’ eyes on her, all looking like they were expecting the same answer, Jennie sighs in defeat.

Oh, what the hell. Just one date. What could go wrong, right?

“Fine.”

“Wow, we can tell just how excited you are.” Lisa was giggling at Jennie’s pained expression. She was sure Jennie was just overreacting anyway. Lisa actually thought you were cute and 100% dateable.

•

You were tapping your foot on the wooden floor of your office finishing off some paperwork when your silver-haired best friend slash business partner Rosé entered unannounced, a big smile on her face that was becoming borderline creepy.

“Why do you look like that?”

Rosé began to squeal in excitement complete with jumping up and down. “Jennie wants to go on a date with you!”

The words cause you to come to a halt as your cheeks are suddenly kissed pink, your blush searing through your cheeks.

For a minute Rosé thought her friend’s face was on fire.

“What?”

“Don’t act like you didn’t hear me loud and clear,” Rosé teased. “Anyways, she’s free this Saturday and I did you a favor and called for a reservation at her favorite Italian restaurant by Graves Street under your name. 7PM, don’t be late! Bye!”

That was the last you heard before the girl slammed the doors of your office closed.

•

As planned, you were sat in one of the tables at Jennie’s restaurant of choice. Large mullioned windows, long embroidered curtains, dark walnut tables with splendidly proportioned cabriole legs, romantic candles on each table, soft live piano music, and a flagstone tile floor. The restaurant was fancy, that you could tell as you observed from your seat.

You resorted to playing with your fingers as you waited for the girl who has lived in your heart and mind rent free ever since you saw her that evening of your company’s launching. You were twenty minutes early due to the nerves that haven’t left since Rosé informed you of Jennie’s approval of the date. You couldn’t believe Jennie actually agreed to this. Last thing you heard was Jennie’s break up with her designer boyfriend of one year and that she was back on the market. You didn’t think you would be lucky enough to even be a candidate that could potentially bring her off it again.

You shake your head at your thoughts. You were getting way ahead of yourself. For now, you should just focus on getting this date right so that a second one could be on the table.

“Hey, you’re early.”

You cast your eyes upwards to see Jennie plopping down on the seat in front of you and you had to forcefully tear your eyes away from the beauty that finally graced you with her presence. She looked sinfully stunning in her black vintage Chanel dress.

“Oh, um…I-I actually just got here.” you blurted, looking bewildered. “You look beautiful.”

You wanted to hit yourself for such a basic compliment but being there with Jennie was nerve-wracking enough as it was so you cut yourself some slack. Jennie couldn’t help but giggle at how obviously flustered you were.

Cute, she thought. “Thank you, Y/N. I think you look dashing yourself.”  

You felt heat rising to your cheeks and prayed it wasn’t noticeable. Thankfully before you could embarrass herself, a friendly looking waiter approached your table with a menu.

“Are we ready to order ladies?”

Jennie looked to you for confirmation which you answered with a tentative nod.

“I’ll have the poached lobster with butternut squash and chestnuts and…” Jennie threw you a glance from her menu.

“I’ll have the, um, beef tenderloin with the crab salad.” You read the first thing you saw from the menu, the pressure of Jennie looking at you throwing you off. “Thank you.”

“Okay, would that be all ladies?”

“Oh, and two glasses of white house. Thanks.”

As the waiter walked away with their orders, a silence settled over them.

“I know everything seems pretentious but I promise the food is worth it,” Jennie remarked with a teasing smile.

“It’s all good, Jennie. How’s work?” Your smile fades as you notice the girl you so badly wanted to impress was suddenly distracted, her attention everywhere but on you. You tried to see what Jennie was so focused on, following her line of sight.

After a couple moments, you realize that Jennie was focused on a couple eating across from each other a few tables away from you. The boy was studiously bent over his meal while conversing with the girl as she collapsed with helpless giggles. It didn’t take you long to realize that it was Jennie’s ex, Kai, having met him during Lisa’s birthday party last year. A big point to also remember was how the dude was literally Rosé’s cousin.

“Jennie?”

Jennie was snapped out her trance, desperately trying to compose herself.

What the fuck was Kai, her ex-boyfriend, doing here with a girl? She wasn’t jealous. Not in Kai’s wildest dreams. She wouldn’t get back together with him even if he was the last option she had left. No, she was annoyed because Kai managed to bag someone before she could. She was Jennie Kim. Why wasn’t she in a disgustingly cute relationship by now? She wanted so badly to curse the boy out until she remembered she was also here for a date with Y/N. Y/N! Right, Y/N.

“Shit, sorry. I just thought I saw someone I knew,” Jennie shrugged. Her tone was apologetic but you could tell she was still distracted.

“It’s okay,” you tried to sound nonchalant, sporting a counterfeit smile, but you could practically feel the uneasy tension in the atmosphere.

You just hoped you could salvage the night.

•

You weren’t able to. Jennie stayed distracted and uninterested the rest of the night, eyes either glancing at the couple a few tables away or at her phone. She answered your questions with one worded answers and empty laughs and you were left to shift uncomfortably in your seat, grasping your sweaty and nervous hands under the table.

You threw yourself on your bed, screaming into a pillow. You couldn’t digest the defeat you felt. You had one chance to show Jennie you were worth her time and you couldn’t even get it right. You felt traumatized and humiliated. Jennie would have that disaster of a date seared into her brain forever and the thought was ready to pop up and torment you for the rest of your life. You knew the regret would come to you in random moments, demanding to be reexamined again.

No, you shouldn’t beat yourself up for it. You tried your best. As far as you were concerned, you didn’t do anything wrong. If anything, Jennie was the reason why things didn’t go as planned tonight.

You gave your pillow another scream at the realization. Jennie was uninterested because that’s what she was – uninterested. She obviously didn’t like you enough to be present during the date.

She could’ve at least pretended to be happy to be there, you thought bitterly.

•

A week after that disaster of a date, you were walking down the street enjoying the only time of the week you had to yourself. Work had been excruciating these past few months as you were in the middle of negotiating with foreign investors and hopefully sealing the deal by next week. The late afternoon sunlight, soft and diffuse, giving way to the strong rays of the day, was doing its job of convincing you that it was gonna be a great day.

You’ve been feeling down ever since the date and you badly needed a day to recuperate and gain back the confidence that you lost. Rosé was nothing short of apologetic when she found out about the disappointing events and reassured you that she, along with Jisoo and Lisa, gave Jennie the scolding she deserved. Although your best friend’s desired reaction was for you to feel better, it just made you more embarrassed knowing that Jennie’s blatant dislike in dating you was known to all of her friends.

Today, it was your mission to forget all about Jennie and that night.

The antique store has been a treasure trove to you. It never failed to give you objects of delight and interest that instantly claimed your attention. Today was no different. Your eyes lit up as you see the old woman, who looked like your typical ahjumma, behind the counter. She wasn’t the kind of old woman you pity with old bones and troubled limbs, but the kind who could still run an entire marathon if given half the chance.

“Ah, Y/N!” the woman exclaimed, “I didn’t see you last week, dear.”

“It has been a nightmare at the company. I’m surprised I’m still walking,” you sighed, making your way to the shelves filled with odd objects.

“Y/N, you should really learn how to take a breather. You’re always at work! No wonder you’re still single,” Nora shook her head, shooting you a look of disapproval.

You laughed as you looked through every rack for some knickknack you wanted to bring home. There was a carved sandal-wood box packed tight with aromatic cotton-wool, and between the layers of cotton-wool were little brass figures, hump-necked bulls and peacocks and goblins, delightful to see and handle.

“You don’t need to remind me of my impending doom of living alone for the rest of my life, Nora.”

You let out an involuntary gasp as you spot a teapot fashioned like a china duck before carefully putting it inside your basket. You continued to stare amazed at the different peculiar objects, completely entranced, that you didn’t hear someone walking up beside you.

“Y/N?”

You jumped in surprise at the sudden voice. And not just any voice. You turned around to see Jennie looking at you with the same look of shock on her face. “Jennie?”

She looked down at your basket before giving you a tight-lipped smile. Something akin to an apologetic one.

“I’m… actually really glad I ran into you,” Jennie stammered, head bowed as if ashamed. “I’ve been meaning to apologize about my behavior last Saturday. I was being rude and incons-“

You cut her off with a soft smile, “Jennie, it’s fine. It’s all behind us now. Apology accepted.”

“Ugh, why do you have to be so understanding? I feel like shit,” she groaned, stomping her feet on the ground.

You almost laughed at how genuinely disturbed she seemed but figured you didn’t want to make her more upset.

“Stop beating yourself up for it,” you urged, gently patting her shoulder. “Anyways, I’ll have Nora ring this up on the counter. Good seeing you, Jen.”

Before you could walk away from the cat-eyed girl, you feel fingers wrapping itself around your wrist.

“It’s a beautiful day out. Care to spare a couple of hours to spend it with me?”

•

Jennie wasn’t lying. It really was a beautiful spring day out. Try as you might, your focus was scattered, filled with nervous anticipation. You were afraid you wouldn't be able to hold a conversation while your thoughts danced in infinite directions. Yeah, operation move on from Jennie Kim was not looking too good. Still as you walked with Jennie along the local park, you were determined to move past that and tried to convince yourself that this was nothing but a platonic hang out.

“How’s work been?” Jennie questioned, hands in her coat pockets as her eyes drifted to the kids playing around the field.

“Hard,” you sighed. “We’ve all been hard at work but I’m sure you know that given Rosie never really shuts up about it.”

Jennie laughs and you don’t feel the familiar butterflies you get whenever you heard the melodic sound and you think that maybe you’re finally making progress.

“Yeah, she always makes sure to give us an earful about it.”

“How about you though? The magazine is doing really great. I’ve seen at least a hundred people reading this month’s issue just today,” you exaggerated, wiggling your eyebrows which again brought out a laugh from Jennie.

She playfully nudged your shoulder, “Real funny, but yeah everything is doing really great. Getting Lady Gaga on this month’s issue was a really great move. We have Selena Gomez up next. We bagged a really great exclusive interview.”

You could hear the pride in Jennie’s voice and you knew it was warranted. Being the self-made CEO of her own fashion and lifestyle magazine, Jennie had every right to feel proud. Plus, it wasn’t easy pulling off having such A list celebrities to feature in your magazine.

“That’s really amazing, Jen. You should be proud of yourself. It’s only going up from here, I know it. I’m rooting for you,” you quipped.

Jennie shot you her famous gummy smile before letting out a whispered thank you.

As the both of you observed your surroundings, you realize you reached the pier.

“It’s getting pretty dark. Should you head home now?” you ask while taking in the beauty of the pier at night.

The pier was a permanent fun fair; bumper cars, the hall of mirrors, the ghost train, a loop-the-loop roller coaster and the big wheel. Waves playfully splashing below, gentle salty breeze, smoothies, burgers, donuts and cotton candy.

Jennie was equally taken by the bustling fair, shaking her head. “I think I can stay a little while longer.”

You broke out into a smile, holding out your hand. “Come on then!”

You dragged Jennie to the end of the dock before sitting down on the edge and beckoning her to do the same. When you tilted your head upward, you could see clearly millions of bright stars dotted on the black canvas of the night.

“It’s so beautiful,” Jennie mused.

“The pier is most beautiful at night. It never fails to shove aside the worries corrupting my mind even for a couple hours,” you smiled.

“Do you come here often?”

You snorted, “Are you flirting, Miss Kim?”

Jennie gasps before throwing her head backwards, erupting into laughter. “You know what I mean, Y/N! Also, what if I was?”

You decided to ignore the last part, suppressing the tingling feeling spreading throughout your body, “I used to come up a lot when Rosé and I were still struggling with the company.”

You could feel Jennie’s stare burning right through you.

“Tell me more about you, Y/N.”

•

Hours later, Jennie laid on her queen-size bed staring at the ceiling. She couldn’t shake the giddy state her night with you left her in. Spending time with you was filled with meaningful conversations and playful (and a little bit flirty) banter. Things with you felt natural and refreshing, like a breath of fresh air from the cocky and overconfident types she was used to going on dates with. Was this what she was missing out on when she decided to act like a complete imbecile on your date?

She couldn’t help the smile making its way to her face as she remembered the events of tonight. She felt light and warm and basically everything good in the world balled up into one. She felt like a high schooler with a crush. The thought of seeing you again tingled through her like electrical sparks on the way to the ground, gathering in her toes.

She was crushing hard.

So, when Jennie found out that Rosé was throwing a big party for her birthday next week, all she could think about was seeing you, talking to you, and maybe stealing a kiss. She was convinced she was just floating through her way on the days leading up to Rosé’s party.

The party was electric just as Jennie expected. Everyone was feeding off of each other’s smiles and fast dancing. She was in one of the lounge couches chatting with her friends sipping on a rum runner as she tried to look past the sweaty dancing bodies with the mission of spotting you.

“Jendeukie, you seem distracted!” Jisoo yelled through the music.

Jennie chuckled, feeling a blush form on her cheeks. Thankfully, the glow from consuming one or two glasses of alcoholic drinks successfully masked it.

“Excuse me for a sec,” she announced as she got up and made her way to the kitchen.

“Jen!”

She cringed as she realized who the voice belonged to. She almost forgot Kai was Rosé’s cousin and was most likely invited to the party.

“Kai, hey…” she sighed.

She was annoyed that the boy had interrupted her attempt to find you, plus she really wasn’t in the mood for small talk with an ex.

“You look ravishing tonight,” Kai smirked, reaching out for Jennie.

She quickly dodged Kai’s advances and whooshed past him, leaving the boy confused in her wake.

“Nice seeing you but I gotta go!”

She breathed a sigh of relief as she escaped her lame excuse of an ex-boyfriend but the relief was short-lived as her eyes found the scene not a couple feet away from her. You were by the sliding door that lead to Rosé’s poolside talking to some woman who was clearly interested in you, judging by the way she was caressing your arm up and down with her ugly wicked fingers. The woman started laughing and she knew you probably said something stupidly funny, reminding her of how much you made her laugh last week. This time though, Jennie was not on the receiving end of your witty remarks and she didn’t know how to feel about it.

This was probably how you felt that night when Jennie ignored your whole existence just to stare all night at her ex. Jennie felt disappointment bubble inside her as she finally decided to tear her gaze away from you and the girl. She sighed as she accepted the fact that you were done with her. Why wouldn’t you be? Did she really expect you to pine over her for years and then come crawling back just because of one night where Jennie did the bare minimum and was a decent human being to you?

Dejected, she takes a break from the loud and busy party downstairs and made her way to the upstairs balcony. The balcony was a concrete ledge with square rough edges but it quickly became an oasis to Jennie as she found comfort in the silence.

“Hey there, stranger.”

Jennie turned her head so fast she swore she almost had whiplash.

“Y/N?”

You grinned as you joined her near the railings, “The one and only. What are you doing here?”

Jennie shrugged off the bitter feeling of seeing you flirting with another girl and forced out a smile, “Needed some fresh air. How about you? You seemed really busy downstairs.”

You raise an eyebrow at Jennie’s icy tone, narrowing your eyes at the girl. What was she on about?

At your (admittedly adorable) confused look, Jennie sighed as she explained.

“You were busy chatting up a girl downstairs, were you not?”

“Careful,” you teased. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were jealous.”

Expecting a defensive reply, you were surprised to find the girl fiddling with her hands. “Jennie?”

You saw as Jennie struggled, clenching and unclenching her jaw, eyes closed in frustration.

“I…I was really looking forward to seeing you tonight,” she lamented, finally opening her eyes to meet yours.

“For some reason, I can’t stop thinking about you. That night at the pier…” she went on, “I realized how stupid I was for not paying attention to you sooner. This amazing person right under my fucking nose the whole time. God, I could’ve saved us both a crapload of time if I weren’t so dumb.”

To say you weren’t expecting this was an understatement. Was Jennie Kim confessing to you? You wanted to laugh at the absurdity of the situation.

“No use thinking about what could’ve happened if you did this or that,” you stared seriously at the girl in front of you. “Um, I’m right here now, aren’t I?”

You tried to laugh but it came out strained. You still couldn’t believe what was happening.

“So, the girl downstairs?”

“Literally just met her tonight. She’s cool. Didn’t really pay any mind to her to be honest,” you smiled.

“Good,” Jennie hummed, satisfied with your answer. “I meant what I said by the way. I’d really like to start over.”

Before you could come up with a reply, soft plump limps planted itself on your cheek.

“If you’ll have me,” Jennie whispers against your cheek.

 •

“Ugh, today was so stressful!” Jennie agonized as she plopped down on the soft cushion of your sofa. Immediately, her body finds itself entangled with yours. This, Jennie knew, was all she needed after a long day.

“Tell me about it then baby,” you started running your fingers through her messy curls while your free hand intertwined your hands together.

“First, the AC in my office broke down and I was sweating buckets half the day since the repair team didn’t arrive until 2PM,” Jennie revealed, planting a soft kiss on your neck. “To make things worse, my beautiful girlfriend wasn’t able to visit me because she had a meeting come up last minute.”

You giggled hearing your girlfriend’s words, “Clingy.”

Jennie breaks away from your hold, a wild look on her face. “How dare you! Is it a crime that I’m desperately in love with you and wanted to see you during my lunch break?”

“I’m kidding,” you chuckled. “You know I would’ve loved to see your pretty face today.”

“You better be,” Jennie taunted. “I love you.”

…

…

...

“Hey Jen?”

“Hm?”

“Remember two years ago on our first date you ignored me the whole time to glare at your ex-boyfriend?”

Your soft laugh filled them room as Jennie groaned, hitting you square on the stomach, “Don’t you dare bring that up. I don’t even wanna imagine not being with you. Just the thought makes me wanna puke.”

You rolled your eyes at your girlfriend’s dramatics, “Good thing you don’t have to ever live through that then.” hi:) i accept requests now

[wiypt-writes]

Stark Spangled Forever

One Shot: The Devil Wears Nada

Summary: Steve’s fed up of getting cock blocked during what was supposed to be bit of alone time and would make a deal with the Devil herself to get some alone time with his wife… Warning: SMUT SMUT SMUT- (NSFW, 18+) Like seriously, if you’re under 18 get off my blog. This is, possibly, the filthiest thing I’ve written for Steve to date!

Pairings: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark.

A/N: So this follows on directly from Bumps In The Night which was written by @sweater-daddiesdumbdork​ as part of Stark Spangled Banner’s Birthday Party. Give it a read, its wonderful!

If you are currently reading Stark Spangled Banner for the first time as it is being reposted then this contains MAJOR SPOILERS and I recommend you wait until you’ve finished so you don’t spoil anything!

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Katie Stark and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Stark Spangled Forever Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Katie and Steve headed back inside, Katie diverting into the lounge to go and retrieve the candy off the kids before they ate too much of it in one sitting. Steve had to snort at the various cries of protests that rang round the lounge and his wife’s stern voice telling the three children in there that she didn’t care if it was Saturday, they weren’t consuming enough E-numbers to fuel an army before bed. He made his way into the kitchen and was completely unsurprised to find Bucky already had his head buried in the fridge.

“Make yourself at home.” He deadpanned and Bucky looked at him, thrusting a beer in his direction. “Gee thanks.” Steve’s dry sarcasm still present as he looked at his friend who was offering him his own fucking beer. Bucky grinned and shrugged as he passed one to Sam as well as he strode into the room, the three men popping the tops. Steve took a long pull from his as he eyed Bucky “Why are you here?”

“Rude much?” Bucky asked, his eyes still checking out the contents of the refrigerator. “We were concerned uncles…you weren’t with the kids.”

“They were with Emmy and Queens” Steve arched an eyebrow “Perfectly safe.”

“They showed up on Tin Man’s doorstep.” Sam grinned “We were halfway through studying a couple of files and they basically swamped us and said it was their last stop of the night. Bucky thought it would be fun to come back with them.”

“To bug the crap out of me or…”

“I wanted candy.” Buck shrugged.

“Then you should have gone Trick Or Treating.” Steve replied “And let’s face it, with a face like that, who needs a mask?”

“Ouch, Stevie…” Bucky looked at him as Sam chuckled in the background, before he turned his attention back to the fridge “Oooh, your Missus made a cheeseboard.”

“What are you a fuckin’ mouse?” Sam asked as Bucky pulled out the platter, setting it on the side.

“Just ‘cause I appreciate the good things in life, Seagull and you can’t.” Bucky shrugged, unwrapping the film from the cheese. “You know, Steve was just like this growing up.”

“Yeah, well, now I have better taste and I’m also big enough to kick your ass so stop eating my food and go home before I throw you out.”

“What’s got into you?” Bucky looked at him.

“You’re disrupting my plans.” Steve said simply.

“What pl-ooooooh!” Buck’s question morphed into a noise of acknowledgment as he looked at his friend “Then you should have taken advantage of the empty house earlier.”

“School boy error, Cap.” Sam smirked and Steve let out a growl of frustration.

“Well our various attempts to were thwarted one way or another, and now you two punks are ruining it again.” Steve glared at them “Put the cheese back and piss off.”

Bucky smirked. “Imma tell Katie you’re being nasty to me.”

Steve narrowed his eyes knowing full well the soft spot his girl had for Bucky and Sam. If she got so much as a sniff he was being a bit of a shit to either of them he’d be in for it. “You wouldn’t…”

“Wouldn’t what?”

At the sound of his wife’s voice Steve jumped and turned to see her clutching the huge bowl that had previously contained their candy by the door and now sported the combined content of their kids’ bags, Harry toddling behind her, his eyes fixed on the prize.

“Oh this is gonna be good.” Sam smirked, leaning off to the side unwrapping a Reeses which he pulled out of his pocket, slowly chewing as if watching a movie.

“Hey Doll Face” Bucky grinned at her “Steve won’t let me eat the cheese.”

“Ignore him, you help yourself Buck.” She waved to it as she passed Steve the bowl of candy “Stop being so moody, stick that up high somewhere.”

“You know that won’t stop Jamie, Rori or him don’t you?” Steve looked at her as she picked Harry up who watched shrewdly as his dad placed the bowl on the top shelf of one of the cupboards “All 3 of them had scaled the refrigerator by the time they were 2.”

“No but it might delay them enough for us to catch them.” She shrugged, her eyes moving to Bucky who was eating a block of cheddar like it was an apple “Buck, do you want some crackers or…”

Bucky nodded but Steve cut him off. “No he doesn’t.”

“Yes I do.” Bucky smirked as Katie looked at Steve, arching an eyebrow at his unusually frosty nature towards his friends. She set Harry down on the counter by Bucky who grinned at the toddler, offering him his hand in a hi-five. Harry grinned and slapped his Uncles palm before he looked at the cheese.

“Absolutely not pal.” Steve said to him and Harry looked up.

“Dinosaurs don’t eat cheese.” Bucky shook his head at Harry who stared at him and blinked before he shrugged.

“But I hungry.”

“You can’t possibly be.” Katie looked at her son

“I am, Momma.”

“Now look what you’ve done.” Steve glared at Bucky.

“Me?” Bucky scoffed, his mouth full “What did I do?”

“Set him off, look, why don’t you go and eat Jen’s cheese?” Steve asked and at that there was a pause before Sam, Katie and Bucky all burst out laughing. Steve groaned “Ok, that came out wrong.”

Sam snorted “that’s what she said.”

Katie laughed harder and Bucky grinned, swallowing his mouthful as Katie headed into the pantry. “Innuendo aside, I can’t. She’s got something going on at the coffee shop. Bunch of teenagers doing Halloween activities or something, I don’t know. She won’t be free until later.” He turned to Katie as she walked back in, handing him the box of crackers and he thanked her “So I thought I’d come see my best friends for a beer seeing as it’s not even half 8 on a Saturday yet.”

Katie smiled at him “You two are always welcome here, you know that. Isn’t that right Steve.”

Steve fixed a smile on his face and glared at Bucky who was positively beaming at the fact he knew he was being a cock-block. “Course it is honey, course.”

“Right my little Jurassic baby!” Katie picked Harry up and he giggled, the hood of his dinosaur costume falling over his eyes. “Bath time.

“No bath, Momma.” Harry shook his head furiously, looking up at her as she pushed the clothing back off his head.“I have one tomorrow.”

Katie looked at him, “Your face is filthy.”

“Wash my face then.” He looked at her and Katie raised her eyebrows and looked at Steve who chuckled.

“Wanna help me out here, Daddy?” Katie asked and Steve looked at his son.

“Hey, Buddy, how about Momma washes your face tonight but you’re having a bath first thing in the morning.” Steve looked at Harry as his son considered it for a second. It was late after all. Skipping bath night one evening wouldn’t kill him.

“Deal” Harry nodded, holding his hand out. Steve shook it as Bucky and Sam both gave snorts.

“You need a hand?” Steve asked.

“No, I got it.” Katie shook her head “I’ll get him sorted. You can send Rori and Jamie up in fifteen though.”

“Sure.” Steve nodded.

“Say goodnight Harry.” Katie said, turning round so Harry could see Sam and Bucky.

“Goodnight Harry.” He grinned, before he cackled at his usual joke. The tot had no idea why it was funny, but when he had first said it, it had cracked both Katie and Steve up so now he seemed to say it every night. Bucky and Sam obligingly laughed as Steve dropped kiss to his son’s head, before pecking Katie’s cheek as she carried him out of the kitchen.

**** Half an hour later, after Rori had done one final parade around the kitchen in her princess cat outfit, beaming when Bucky had declared her the “prettiest kitty cat in all the world” and Steve had once more told her “no, you can’t have a real cat”, all the kids were clean and in their rooms. Harry and Rori were both tucked up in bed, lights off, whilst Jamie was watching TV with a warning from Steve that he had thirty minutes before it was time to turn it off. Steve knew Jamie would listen, it was part of the deal that he got to have a little time like that in his room as he was the eldest one now. Jamie took it seriously, knowing full well that abusing said privilege would mean it was revoked just as it had been a few weeks months when he’d been giving Steve some serious back chat and cheek. Steve had sent him to his room and Jamie had simply shrugged responding sarcastically “Fine, I’ll go watch my TV, what a huge punishment.” 

Steve had seen red and headed straight into the garage before coming back with a pair of pliers. He’d walked straight into Jamie’s room, cut the plug off the TV leaving his son staring at him, open mouthed as he breezed out of the room with a simple “watch it now, smart ass…”

The four adults were all sat in the lounge, sprawled across the various sofas with a drink each as the fire roared giving the large living room a cosy, homely feel. Stark was stretched out on the rug in front of the fire, snoring slightly, and the stereo was on playing a little background music whilst the rain pattered against the large ceiling to floor windows. Steve adored this time of year for precisely this reason. Katie snuggled under his arm, her back resting against him as she lay stretched out down the cushions, his arm looped around her crossing her chest. The hand that wasn’t holding her wine was gently rubbing over his forearm, her nails softly skating across the skin. Steve dropped a kiss to her head as they both listened to Sam who was recalling how Bucky had ended up with a load of candy stuck on the hand of his metal arm without realising, which he had then stuck in his hair when he’d run his hand through it.

“He cried like a bitch when I was pulling the gummy bears out.” Sam grinned and Steve tipped his head back, a huge laugh rumbling through his chest as Bucky glared at him.

“Punk.” He looked at Steve who simply smirked and took a drink from his bottle

“You know, I gotta say that these kids take it to the next level nowadays.” Sam swallowed a mouthful of beer. “I mean, some of those costumes are awesome. We saw a really cool Iron Man who had the reactor in his chest all lit up.”

Katie smiled “Yeah, Tony does seem to be a popular choice.”

“We got a Captain America.” Steve offered, not one to be out-done and Katie smirked to herself, “And by that I mean when it was me, or I was it, whatever. He may or may not have gotten extra candy.”

Sam and Bucky chuckled and Katie sipped her wine before she tilted her head back and looked up at Steve.

"At least we got no clowns this year..." Katie smirked and at the mere thought Steve shuddered and Bucky let out a huge snort.

"What...you're scared of clowns?" Sam looked at Steve but before he could answer Bucky jumped in.

"He ain’t just scared man, he's petrified. When we were about 8 and my folks took us to Coney, this guy dressed as a clown tried to give Steve a balloon and he ran away, but the best thing was…” Bucky leaned forward, his words coming between his howls of laughter “this clown kept doing it up until Steve was about 18 because he was so small and looked like a 10 year old.”

“Fuck you.” Steve narrowed his eyes at Bucky as he and Sam fell about laughing. Katie kissed his arm and sat up, pointing at Bucky.

“Stop making fun of him…he was cute when he was a smol bean.”

“Thanks baby.” Steve grinned, pressing a kiss to her head. 

“Coulrophobia” Sam nodded sagely, “Quite common actually.”

“I’m not surprised.” Steve shook his head “They’re horrible. I mean, who on earth ever thought they were suitable as entertainment?”

"I dunno, it was kind of entertaining when Jamie dressed up as one.” Katie smiled and Steve physically shivered at the mere memory of that particular Halloween 

“Wait, what?” Bucky asked, looking at Katie and Steve groaned as he steeled himself once more to be the brunt of a joke.

“You seen IT?” Katie asked, “As in the newest one?”

Bucky nodded, grinning “A particular favourite of mine and Jen’s….although last time we watched it we kinda got distracted.” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and Katie snorted.

“Don’t wanna know,” she shook her head as Sam Hi-fived Bucky “but anyway, we had a Halloween party about 9 years ago at Tony’s. Emmy asked if she could be in charge of hers and Jamie’s outfits so we said yes. Little did we knows she’d had a little help from my dearest brother and just as we were about to set off…” she snorted and started to laugh “they come down the stairs and Jamie’s dressed in the BEST Pennywise outfit I’ve ever seen.”

Bucky’s face split into a huge grin as Katie continued to laugh, shaking her head.

“So he’s toddling towards Steve and his face…” she stopped talking, as her laughter was now uncontrollable and she shook her head and Steve sighed.

“It’s not funny.”

“It is.” She stuttered, wiping her eyes. She took a deep breath “You stood there stock still, this look of utter horror on your face and I knew you were fighting the urge to turn and run…”

At that Bucky and Sam both burst out into laughter and Steve shook his head. “He was so upset when I wouldn’t pick him up.”

“You stopped the car at the top of the street because you couldn’t drive as you kept seeing him in the mirror…” Katie howled, tipping her head back in absolute, unadulterated laughter and Steve shook his head.

“It’s a phobia…” he looked at her “I can’t help it, any more than you can about spiders.”

“Horrible eight legged bastards.” She shuddered as her laughter died down. “But you know the way to my heart…”

“Kiss you often, fuck you well, feed you snacks and kill the spiders.” he recited, grinning as she chuckled “I know Doll, I know.”

**** Despite his best laid plans going to shit, Steve had to admit it was a nice evening as all four of them chatted and laughed but by the time Bucky and Sam left some two hours later, Katie had already gone up to bed about 15 minutes prior saying she was tired which meant Steve was now very doubtful he’d be fucking her well at all. Cursing Trick Or Treaters, counter surfing dogs, hungry babies and cheese eating, beer drinking friends he cleared the empty bottles off the coffee table and dumped them in the recycling before he let Stark out into the back yard so he could do his business. Steve stood watching him, the cold October air biting at his skin a little as he glanced up at the now clear sky, the rain having stopped roughly half an hour or so ago. He couldn’t believe it was November tomorrow. Another year almost done with. They were flying by, far too quickly for his liking. 

This year had marked seven years since they’d reversed the snap and it still seemed like only yesterday since he’d walked away from it all and passed the shield to Sam, settling down into the domestic life he’d never dreamed in a million years he’d get. He was jerked from his thoughts when Stark walked back up to him, nudging his hand with his cold, wet nose and he smiled, petting the dog’s head as he walked past him into the little laundry room and sat obediently waiting for his paws to be dried. Steve shut the door, locking it and then towelled the dog down before the tan and white mutt shot off through the kitchen and into the hall. Steve heard his collar jangling as he bounded up the stairs to Jamie’s room whilst he himself made his way through to the lounge. The fire was still going, but he knew it would die down over night and he was just moving the grate to the front of it to avoid any embers spilling onto the floor when his ears picked up footsteps on the stairs. He instantly knew they were Katie’s and found himself smirking a little. Maybe he was gonna get a little frisky after all. And then he heard her walking across the hall and frowned, because it sounded like she was in heels.

“Honey?” he called, standing up straight and turning to see his wife leaning against the door frame, one arm extended above her head, the other hand falling to her hips as she looked at him, biting her lip. Steve felt his mouth drop open as he took in her appearance. She was indeed wearing heels, a pair of sparkly, high heeled red Jimmy Choos- her “Ruby Slippers” as Rori dubbed them, and his eyes scanned up her bare legs to the hem of the sheer, red negligee which finished mid-thigh. He could see the outline of a pair of matching, red lace panties underneath as he continued to take in her appearance. The top of the garment was low cut, her cleavage amplified somewhat as her breasts swelled over the lace cups and he swallowed as he felt his cock twitch whilst he simply stared at her, slack jawed. Fuck, she was the sexiest thing he had ever seen in his entire life and when she did stuff like this…Jesus.

He glanced at her face, her hair falling over her shoulders in waves and it was then he noticed that on the top of her head sat a pair of fake red horns. Steve’s mouth curled up in sinful grin as Katie gave a dirty giggle, her green eyes sparkling with mischief as Steve strode towards her purposefully, one thing on his mind.

“Read to sell your soul to the Devil, Solider?” she asked and Steve let out a chuckle as he stopped in front of her, his hands gripping her hips

“I sold it to you years ago, Doll.”

She grinned at him as he pulled her closer, his fingers curling against her gentle curves, tangling in the soft material of the negligee as he dropped his head to hers, kissing her deeply. Her hands smoothed over the top of his grey Henley coming to rest on his chest as he curled one arm around her waist, pulling her closer. At the feel of her pressed against him, Steve let out a soft moan

“God I’ve been waiting for this all night” he mumbled and Katie grinned against his lips.

“Well like I tell the kids, a little patience goes a long way Stevie.” she purred and Steve shrugged, his hands dropping to the back of her thighs as he easily lifted her, her heel-clad legs wrapping around his waist.

“And as you know when it comes to you baby girl, I have very little self-control.”

“Don’t I know it, there’s reason we have 4 biological kids.” she pondered for a moment and Steve laughed as her lips met his again and her hands raked into his hair, her nails biting gently against his scalp.

With steady strides, Steve carried her over to the spot in front of the fireplace where he gently set her on her feet and knelt in front of her. The light of the fire cast a bronze glow against her smooth skin and taking his time to simply enjoy the moment, his hands traced up the back of her calves to her thighs, his touch feather light as he reached up to her ass. He gave her flesh a squeeze before pulling her forward a little and her hands reached out to rest on his shoulders for support as he pushed his head under the bottom of the lace garment, nose skimming along the waistband of her panties. He peppered hot, open mouthed kisses across her soft skin, before he dropped his head lower and nudged his nose over her covered mound. She whimpered a little as he brushed her nub and her hips moved forward, seeking him out.

“Now who’s impatient?” He looked up at her and she glanced down, arching an eyebrow.

“It may have escaped your notice…” she took a deep breath “My self-control is also pretty non-existent around you too.”

“Well, I’m not one to keep a lady waiting” Steve smirked and in a swift movement he hooked an arm round her waist causing her to shriek a little before she laughed as he deposited her gently on the rug, caging her with his arms. He glanced down at her, brunette waves fanning out over the light grey and black of the soft tuft wool and leaned down, his nose nudging against hers.

“You know I love you, don’t you?”

“Of course I do.” she frowned a little, as Steve brushed his lips over hers.

“Good, now remember that. Because I’m about to fuck you like I don’t.”

Katie barely had time to register what he said before he’d moved down her body, hands skating up the outside of her thighs where his fingers bunched in her panties. With a sharp tug he’d snapped the elastic and tossed them to one side, grabbing her ankles and moving her feet so they were planted on the floor, the heels she was wearing caused her pelvis to raise up off her floor slightly. Without another word he pushed her knees apart and his mouth was on her, and he wasn’t holding back.

Katie’s body jolted as she let out a soft sigh of his name which was laced with satisfaction as he set his mouth to work, devouring her with the enthusiasm of a man starved, which in all fairness he was. He was low key horny around her all the time and he’d been sporting a fucking semi pretty much since the first time they’d been interrupted that evening. Having her so close yet out of reach all night so to speak had driven him wild.

His tongue licked, and lapped, flicked and curled over and over and Katie’s groans and pants grew louder and louder as he worked her into a frenzy. She curled the fingers of one hand into his hair, the other gripping at the rug underneath her as she arched her back even more, pushing herself against his face as her head began to spin. The contrast of his short beard scratching at her sensitive skin to his soft tongue and mouth was sending her entire body into overdrive and Steve could tell. He gently grazed her bud with his teeth, inserting 2 fingers inside her, both actions causing her hips to violently buck, her nails dug further into his scalp and he gave a chuckle which vibrated against her clit causing her to groan loudly.

“Jesus Christ Steve…” she panted, looking down at him. He peeked up from between her legs, a cheeky glint in his eyes which shimmered in the light of the fire, full of a blaze of their own as he continued, his tongue flicking at her entrance, before he sucked on her bud and then she was gone. Her legs trembled as her hand pulled his hair, almost to the point it was painful as she gave a loud cry, her other hand reaching to his head as she used both to push him away from her sensitive sex. He moved his head back but his fingers stayed exactly where they were, curling against the soft sponge of her walls as she clamped down around them, giving a little groan as she did, her legs flopping down flat on the floor. With a smug sense of satisfaction at having undone her to the extent he had, Steve pushed himself up, wiping his wet face with the back of his forearm and crawled over her, cupping her cheeks, kissing her again, his tongue tangling against hers. Katie moaned wantonly into his mouth as she could taste her arousal as his mouth dominated hers before he pulled back, his thumb and forefinger gently gripping her chin making her eyes open and lock onto his.

“On your knees sweetheart.” His tone was low as he used his Captain’s voice to issue the instruction, telling her not to argue. Not that she would, as mouthy and stubborn as she was this was the one area of their relationship in which she was always willing to surrender to him completely. With a graceful movement she pulled her legs back towards her and turned her body, rising to her knees, palms planted on the floor.

Steve pushed the waistband of his sweats and boxers down before he moved his hands to her hips, pulling her back with a swift action, placing one palm on the base of her back. With the other he took his throbbing cock in his hand, gave himself a few quick strokes before he lined himself up. With a snap of his hips he buried himself in her heat, balls deep, jolting her forward. The rumble from his throat slipped out of his mouth at the relief of finally being inside her, drowning her cries out.

His pace was relentless from the outset, just as it had been when he’d worked her with his mouth and his hands gripped her waist tightly as he drove in and out of her over and over, in fast, deep movements, pulling her back onto him with each thrust he made. He watched her face as her head fell forward between her arms, her bottom lip clamped between her lip, eyes closed in pleasure, those dirty little noises she made joined the sound of skin slapping skin as he did just as he’d said he was going to do, and fucked her hard.

It was raw, animalistic even, and a far cry from the usual way Steve liked to love on her but hell, it felt just as good to Katie as anything he ever did and after a particularly deep drive she cried out, fisting her hands into the rug, as she felt him bend over her, his large frame crowding hers from behind.

“God you feel so good baby…” he groaned, his chest was pressed to her back, his mouth nipping at that spot on her neck as she felt the heat pooling in her belly again. In an almost automatic movement, her head rolled to the left, allowing him access to her neck where he nipped and sucked at her skin, her gasps growing louder as he continued to thrust. “So fuckin’ good…”

As he spoke, Steve reached up and wrapped one large hand around her neck, tipping her face round to his so he could kiss her. It was all Katie could do to kiss him back, allowing him to control the pace as she was completely gone, the sensations lancing through her body had left her totally pliant to his ministrations.

“Captain…” she panted softly against his mouth as Steve gave an almost pathetic whine at the sound of that name slipping from her throat as he continued to push into her, driving deep before he stilled, his hips flush to her ass. Katie gave a squeak as he rotated his hips, letting go of her neck and pushing himself back up as his hand slid down her body, between her legs drawing a long wail of delight from her mouth as he fondled her bud, “Shit…I’m…Steve I’m gonna...”

“Go on, come for me baby…” he hissed, his jaw clenched, the sweat beading on his brow as he rutted forward again, once more grinding against her “Give it to me, let go…”

With a last, loud, filthy lament she came, hard, her knees almost buckling, but Steve’s arm quickly looped around her waist holding her up as she blissed out completely, the entire world fading around her as she felt nothing but the familiar hot, warm pleasure as her abdomen contracted and relaxed as her walls spasmed around him over and over.

“Good girl.” he praised as he continued thrusting through, the heat in his own belly now beginning to spike even more, “Such a good girl for me.” Katie preened at his praise, relaxing slightly as he bent over and kissed her neck once more, picking up the pace slightly. And then, she pushed back suddenly catching Steve off guard, sending him sprawling onto his back. She went with him, his cock still stuffed inside her, her back sliding on his chest as he continued to fuck up into her, his knees bent, feet flat on the floor. Katie’s head fell back against his shoulder, her face tilting to kiss his as she lay on him, legs spread, feet planted either side of his hips. His hand crept over her stomach, dipping into her folds as his fingers and palm furiously toyed and played with her, brushing against his shaft as he rocked in and out of his wife.

“Steve…” she whined “I can’t…it’s too much…” “You got one more in you…” he all but growled, “I know you do. And I’m taking it, whether you want me to or not.”

True to his word he continued his unyielding assault on her senses and before long her breathing had risen and his name was slipping from Katie’s lips in that familiar staccato pant. She gave in, and this time the climax almost feeble but still just as pleasurable as she fluttered around him. At the feel of her round him, and the sound of the exhausted, sultry groan she let out into his hear Steve was done for, and with a final, violent buck upwards he came, biting down gently on her shoulder, muffling the noises of satisfaction and pleasure that rolled from the back of his throat.

The pair of them lay still, chests heaving  and Katie licked her lips, eyes closed as she waited for her body to gain some form of control over itself. After a little while, she felt Steve’s hands gently slid up her side to the outside of her arms, giving a gentle rub as he pressed a kiss to the side of her head.

“You ok?” he asked.

Katie hummed a little and grinned, tipping her face round to look at him “I’ll say…that was…”

“Yeah…” Steve nodded, the pair of them chuckling. “It was worth the wait.”

Katie’s head lolled back against his shoulder and she closed her eyes again. Not wanting to move just yet, the feeling of her lay over the top of him whilst he was still buried inside her was too nice, Steve wrapped his arms around her front as he shifted slightly so he could press a kiss to her lips. She wiggled her hips a little and he gave a low grunt at the sensation and he looked at her as she arched an eyebrow.

“You want more?” he asked, his voice low and she fixed him with a look that was half suggestive, half apprehension as to whether she could actually take anymore. Steve grinned and pressed his lips back to hers, the kiss deepening as he felt himself starting to grow hard inside her again, and just as he had pushed her up into a sitting position, backwards on his lap, the security system sounded and the front door clicked open.

Katie’s head turned back to look at him over her shoulder, both faces sporting expressions of utter horror as Emmy and Peter’s voices drifted up the hall.

“Shit…” Katie jumped up, glancing down at herself as Steve scrambled to his feet, tucking himself into his pants, hastily yanking at the crotch in an attempt to make them a little less snug, so to speak.

“Give me your shirt…” Katie hissed and he reached over, grabbing a fistful of it in his hand. Yanking it over his head he tossed it to her and she shoved it on over her skimpy little outfit, before she kicked off her heels, and she’d just smoothed her hair down when the door to the lounge opened. Emmy and Peter stopped dead. Peter hastily turned away as Emmy’s eyes roved over Steve’s shirtless form, then to Katie who was stood in his Henley which thankfully was big enough to cover her body down to the middle of her thighs, hiding the red lace garment underneath. Whilst they might have hidden their modesty for the most part, there was no hiding the fact both of their faces were flushed with exhaustion and sexual gratification…nor was there any disguising the fact Katie was stood with her legs crossed in a desperate attempt to stop Steve’s release from dribbling down her leg. And then just to make it even more obvious, Katie’s shredded red lace panties were dumped in the middle of the floor right by her discarded heels…

“Jesus Christ…” Emmy mumbled, backing out of the room, shutting the door behind her. Katie and Steve glanced at one another, and Katie burst out laughing at the look of utter horror on Steve’s face.

“Cheer up Steve…” she patted his chest “Could have been worse.”

“Seriously?”  he blinked “What could be worse than basically being caught in flagrante by our daughter and that boy?”

“Ok, first off, his name is Pete…and actually I can think of a few things.” Katie shrugged, bending down to pick up her shoes and her destroyed underwear “Had she come in like 2 minutes earlier she’d have caught us in a much more compromising position…or even worse than that, we could have walked in on her.”

“Doll, just don’t!” Steve held his hand up, giving a groan.

Katie laughed and made her way to the door. “I’m going upstairs to clean up and get in bed, can you bring me a bottle of water up please?”

Steve sighed and nodded, watching her go. Taking a deep breath he wandered into the kitchen were Emmy was stood scowling, leaning against the kitchen counter as she glared as his topless form, Pete hastily averting his eyes.

“You two are disgusting.” Emmy shook her head “It’s bad enough hearing you in your bedroom but…fucking hell Dad!”

“Watch your mouth Emily.” Steve said sternly as he felt the heat rising in his neck. He made his way to the fridge, pulling out two bottles of water before he straightened up. “We weren’t expecting you back so early.”

“Clearly.” Emmy arched an eyebrow.

“You know what?” Steve’s temper flared a little “This is mine and your Ma’s house, and well, frankly, we’ll do what we want, where we want.”

At that Peter gave a little cough and pushed himself up off the counter, “I’m gonna…yeah…” he said, pointing to the utility room door “I’ll be in the cabin Em.”

Neither Steve nor Emmy paid him any attention as he scuttled off, the door clicking shut behind him.

“Dad!” Emmy spluttered, her face in her hand as she shook her head “That was so embarrassing!”

“Well it wasn’t exactly a barrel of laughs for us either you know Em!” Steve groaned “Like, seriously, why did you even come in here anyway? You don’t need to come through the house to get to your annex!”

“We were hungry.” She whined, “Mom said she’d leave us something in the fridge although frankly, now I’ve lost my appetite.”

Steve wiped a hand over his face before he shook his head, taking a deep breath “I’m gonna go up to bed. Can we just forget this happened, please?”

“I’d love to.” Emmy practically growled as she made her way towards the rear of the kitchen. “God, I need to scrub my eyes with bleach…once you’ve finished using it to mop wherever you were…you know.”

Steve arched an eyebrow and that little devil on his shoulder reared his, or her as the case may be,  head and he couldn’t help the sarcastic response as it flew from his mouth “I hate to break it to you sweetheart, but I’d need a lot of bleach to wash down each surface of this house I’ve had your mother on.”

Emmy’s mouth fell open and she looked at him, before she let out a loud groan. “You’re disgusting. Like, I can’t even…”

She shook her head and hurried out of the room, closing the door behind her. Steve shook his head, watched as the security light clicked on whilst she stormed across the back garden to her little annex and with a chuckle he made sure the door was locked and turned off the lights.

All in all it had been a damned good day now he thought about it. He’d carved pumpkins with his kids, seen them all have a great time, eaten Italian, drunk beer, chatted to his friends, fucked his wife exceptionally well and now embarrassed his eldest.

“Mission accomplished…” he snorted to himself as he took the stairs two at a two, padding across the hallway and entering his bedroom, closing the door behind him.

[ayellowcurtain]

I can be your lover

chapter 3

Robbe doesn’t think too much about grabbing his phone anymore, clicking on the name, scrolling through the page, clicking on some old pictures just to see him again, watching the new stories, Sander partying with his friends until the early hours of this morning. It’s part of Robbe’s routine to check Sander’s social media like it’s brushing his teeth or skating back home hearing his music.

He brought it to himself so he has to suck it up. Sander is more than well adjusted to his new life, his new friends.

The conversations that used to happen constantly throughout every day changed a few months back and are now just a quick exchange of texts every few days, nothing longer than ten minutes, and nothing too deep inside each other’s lives too. Robbe still misses Sander like he did when Sander first moved away but he doesn’t have the space to say it anymore.

It was obvious that distance would push them apart. They were too naive to think they could beat it.

He missed his opportunities time and time again. The ticket he had to go visit expired a few weeks ago and he knows it was the last straw for Sander to give up on them completely, no matter how much Robbe tried to explain and how many times he apologized for not finding the time or courage to go visit.

Robbe is terrible with words but he managed to say them when he felt it but he’s a disaster with actions and he didn’t take one with someone that’s all about actions speaking louder than words.

“Baby, are you busy today?” He hears his mom’s words like they’re on the other side of a tunnel. He looks up and she’s smiling, repeating her words now that she has his attention.

“No...No, I’m not really busy, why?”

“I was thinking about going to the mall and shopping.” He can feel her excitement in her voice. They don’t do this often: outings that don’t involve their doctors or grocery shopping. And his mom has been doing really, really good and Robbe thinks if he lost one for his lack of attitude, he shouldn’t do the same with his mom.

“Okay. Let me just change.” He smiles back and she claps her hands, leaving his room to go grab her things. The last thing Robbe wants to do is go out but he’ll force a smile on his face and hold however many bags she needs him to hold.

to Jens: Do you want to do something tonight?

I need some beers

He puts his phone inside his jacket to give his mom his full attention for the afternoon, hoping Jens has planned something for them to do by the time he’s back home tonight.

Robbe doesn’t need anything but he lets his mom buy him lunch and when she shows him this perfect black leather jacket that looks a lot like one Robbe used to steal from Sander, he lets her buy it for him too. He checks his phone but there’s no message from Jens yet so he texts Zoe, inviting her for some coffee with his mom before they head home. It’s nice to see her again and his mom loves Zoe so much but Robbe can tell something is up. Zoe keeps looking at him in the way she does when she’s worried. He doesn’t ask because his mom is there and he doesn’t need his mom in the middle of whatever drama Zoe is hiding from him.

On their way back home it’s colder than expected after walking for so many hours inside the mall, the sun is completely gone so the temperature dropped drastically and Robbe finds any excuse to open the bigger bag he’s carrying, putting his new leather jacket on, searching for his phone to put inside the outer pocket. He holds it tighter and the screen lights up, showing the notification of a few new messages from Jens.

to Robbe: No plans but you can come by if you want, play some video game

talked to Jana yesterday

She told me Sander is hooking up with a girl…

Robbe stops walking, carefully reading every message again to make sure he didn’t misinterpret what Jens was saying. He knows he should read this with the biggest grain of salt because Jana has moved back a few weeks ago and she barely knows Sander but in the back of his mind, for a reason Robbe can’t understand, he thinks she might be telling Jens the truth.

to Jens: How does she know that?

He can guess the answer - Britt and her big mouth - but he doesn’t know what to say.

to Robbe: Britt told her that he’s been sleeping with someone for a while now but it’s nothing serious

probably just a fuck buddy

he did repost stories with a blonde girl tho

Robbe leaves to answer Jens later when he’s home, and he opens Instagram instead, Sander’s profile picture being the first one available for him to watch - his favorite hobby -  and he clicks on it without thinking and there it is. Robbe keeps his thumb on the screen to freeze the frame.

It’s a stories of someone else that Sander shared. It’s too fast for Robbe to understand what’s going on but he stops when he sees Sander laughing, with sparkly eyes that are the sign that maybe he’s a little tipsy, always in a better mood after a few beers, his hair messy from what Robbe assumes to be strange fingers running through his locks and the girl finally turns back to look at whoever caught them making out, blushing with the brightest red lips and Robbe takes his finger off the screen and it’s over in the next second.

“Robbe…” Zoe is standing next to him, his mom a few steps forward waiting for them.

“Am I like the last one to know?”

Zoe presses her lips together, trying to justify not telling him about it but Robbe doesn’t really care. It’s his fault anyway. Sander has every right to move on and post it all over social media.

He shoves his phone back in his pocket and Zoe wraps her hands around his arm and forces him to start walking again, acting as nothing happened to his mom while they walk Zoe home and then go home themselves.

He tries to engage in whatever conversation his mom starts about picking which pizza they’ll eat tonight but his brain keeps replaying that quick clip over and over again even though he shouldn’t care.

Sander knows that he saw and he doesn’t text anything to Robbe, as he shouldn’t but Robbe expected him to.

He completely forgets about answering Jens and goes to bed right after eating half a pizza without noticing, turning his phone off, hoping he’ll wake up to some missed calls or texts from Sander, knowing it won’t happen.

The story is still there when Robbe wakes up the next morning. He clicks on Jens’ texts to finally answer him.

to Jens: sorry for disappearing last night, ate some pizza and passed out before I could tell you.

Thankfully, Jens is not online so Robbe won’t have to keep a conversation going when he’s still half asleep and in the worst possible mood.

He pushes himself to lie on his side, staring at the space next to him where Sander would usually sleep.

There were long months of miscommunication, frustration, and excuses because Robbe was too afraid of any change. He finally had the life he dreamed of, and two months after, Sander was moving to another country with no intention of coming back to visit every weekend. That change was big enough to paralyze him, unable to decide for himself what he wanted in their relationship. He thought they could maintain some degree of their relationship online while Robbe worked on himself but it wasn’t enough for Sander, clearly.

And Robbe couldn’t whine and beg for his attention so he kept his neediness to himself while their conversation got smaller and meaningless with time. The few things keeping them close are over now and Robbe can try to hide it all he wants but he knows it won’t be easy.

He clicks on another app that he opens frequently but this one just to look.

The airplane tickets aren’t too pricey, he just has to find one, buy and just fucking go there already! He can’t have another long semester letting the unknown eat his brain out. If he asks Sander he’ll give a too honest answer, cold without thinking about feelings because he’s hurt and he doesn’t care if Robbe gets hurt too because he brought this to them. Sander will be practical and Robbe needs him to be more considerate.

He stops scrolling when he finds a flight to Sander’s new town. His dad sent him his birthday gift in money and Robbe didn’t use much of it yet. Added with all the money his dad sends him every few weeks, it’s barely enough but it’ll work.

He buys the ticket before he can change his mind again and drops his phone on his mattress, looking forward. He has one hour to pack a bag and go to the airport. If he works fast enough he won’t have time to change his mind.

Robbe sits on his bed and grabs his school bag from the floor, unzipping it and turning it upside down on his bed to empty it, leaving the mess for him to deal with when he’s back. He doesn’t know for how long he’ll stay but it can’t be that long that he can’t fit in one bag.

If he tells anyone, as they did to him, they’ll end up telling Sander about his plans. Even Zoe would end up accidentally spilling the news to Jana and she would tell Britt. So Robbe tells Senne that he’ll need him to lie for Robbe for a few days. He needs to pretend he’s sleeping somewhere else so nobody will try to change his mind about jumping on a plane suddenly to go talk to Sander because of a social media post.

He’s the only one that won’t call him crazy or ask any questions.

When everything is planned with Senne, Robbe is finally done packing too, not giving himself even a second to look around and diggest the crazy plan he’s about to do, he’s almost late and the taxi is already downstairs, waiting for him.

He kisses his mom goodbye and quickly tells her he’s going to spend the week at Senne’s because he needs some help with Zoe. He’s out the door before giving a proper explanation or he would get caught in his lie, everything written all over his face because Robbe is that terrible of a liar.

The realization of how fucked his whole plan is only hits him when he’s already in his seat inside the airplane, high up in the sky, being offered some snacks that he declines.  

He looks so desperate, jealous, and thinking sex will fix everything that he ruined. He looks and sounds hot and cold and confusing and Robbe hates the realization while he’s sitting inside an airplane, with no way out to go back home.

If he gets there and Sander is living a married life already with his blonde dream girl, Robbe will have to find a way to dig a hole and hide forever.

He sits forward, finally able to see groups of houses again down on the ground. The pilot tells them they’ll be landing soon and Robbe rushes to the bathroom before he won’t be able to. He washes his face and looks at himself in the mirror. He’s not doing a good job at hiding his nervousness.

He won’t even have time to hesitate while waiting for his bag. Everything he brought is in the compartment over his head. He only needs to get inside a cab and go to Sander’s place. In two hours or so he’ll have to deal with whatever he planned so quickly in his head.

Maybe if he asks what’s going on, it won’t feel so desperate. It’s not unfair to want to know where they stand. Even if it’s a closure that Robbe is not ready to have. He settles for asking, as calmly as he can, what’s going on between them now that there’s someone else again.

The airport is tiny and Robbe is a little bit lost, wandering without knowing where he’s supposed to go to find the taxis. Sander's address is still saved in a print Robbe took of their conversation before they started drifting apart.

Sander had moved to a better apartment that he could only afford because he was sharing with a few of his friends. Robbe remembers typing, asking why was Sander sending him that if they were barely talking to each other those days. He wanted Sander to tell him they were still okay enough but Robbe didn’t send the message, just said the place looked nice, and took a screenshot to save the address.

He asks the taxi driver if it’s a long drive and he shakes his head, looking at Robbe through the rearview, “Five minutes, not much more than that.”

Robbe sighs, trying to make some breathing exercises to prepare himself. Five minutes is not a lot of time, not enough either.

He tries to keep himself from overthinking as he jumps out of the car, putting his bag over his shoulder. The building seems very new, modern even and Robbe wonders how expensive it is to live there.

There’s a guy behind the desk when he walks in and he leads Robbe to the elevator, pressing the button for him, letting him go upstairs by himself. Robbe found a way to mumble, after giving the old man all his information, that it was a surprise so he wouldn’t call Sander. He seemed to get it, smiling and Robbe was giving the directions: on the third floor, the door on his right was Sander’s.

He fixes his hair, adjusts his bag on his shoulder, and stares at the door before knocking, hoping Sander is the one to open it, not one of his friends or the girl. He should have told him he was coming, at least Sander would have time to hide anything he might want to hide but Sander doesn’t seem unhappy to see him at his door. Robbe doesn’t remember what he had planned to say and Sander is quiet too, doesn’t look like he had much sleep time or any sleep for that matter.

He can barely open his eyes, wearing his underwear and a black shirt and Robbe doesn’t wait for another second, putting his hands on Sander’s neck, pulling him down for a heated kiss. He licks Sander’s mouth open, pushing him inside his apartment and Sander slams the door closed behind Robbe, gently taking his bag off his shoulder, finally awake enough to lead the way to a bed.

-

Robbe snuggles closer and carefully lies on Sander’s shoulder. He obviously changed the order of things but there’s no escaping a conversation now while they’re both wide awake, lying in bed together. Robbe wonders if Sander at least changed his sheets. He has to know what Sander is feeling but he’s so afraid of the answer.

He looks up and finds Sander already staring at him, with a hint of a smile at the corner of his lips.

“You know why I came?”

Sander lifts his eyebrows, looking elsewhere now and he sighs annoyingly.

“I’ll be surprised if I don’t.”

Robbe looks down again, at Sander’s hand casually just on his chest, like he’s waiting for Robbe to hold it like he would any other time. He doesn’t because it feels wrong yet but he walks with his fingertips over Sander’s knuckles, wanting to hold his hand, kiss him, tell Sander that there’s no way anyone else is better than them and that’s why he’s here.

“So…is this like Britt all over again?”

He knows it’s not the best way to ask if Sander still wants to be with him and just him but he can’t find another way to do it.

“No. I broke up with Britt right after our first kiss. And I’m not dating anyone right now. So it’s different.”

Robbe looks up knowing he’ll find an upset Sander, he doesn’t ask anything else to not risk his luck. He pushes himself up and looks at Sander face to face, staring at his still reddish lips, and kisses him again, leaving the rest of this painful conversation for later

[peaceoutofthepieces]

Title: Polaroid Memories

Square Filled: Family, Friendship, Birthday

Pairing: Jens Stoffels/Lucas VDH

Trigger Warnings: None

Created for @skamevents

because I wanted to share my birthday with my favourite boy and our little vds nation <3

~^~

Lucas wakes up slow. 

It’s something he’s becoming more and more familiar. His mind wakes before his body does, slowly processing his surroundings long before he opens his eyes. He wakes up surrounded in warmth, with a tingle shooting down his spine. There are lips on his cheek, moving down his neck, and strong, insistent hands splayed over his ribs, and he melts even further into the mattress. 

The hands roll Lucas onto his back, towards the warm chest behind him, as the lips find their way back to his cheek and then eventually his own, greeting him with a soft peck. Lucas chases it, lips finally twitching in a smile, and hears a low, throaty laugh that has his eyes flicking open. 

Jens rewards him with a grin and another kiss, deep and lingering, trailing more feathery pecks along his cheek before stopping to nip at his ear. “Good morning.” 

Lucas hums tiredly in response, arching into the other boy as Jens’s hands slip down his sides. Jens smiles against his skin, rolling to hover over him as Lucas trails his fingers up his back to thread them into his hair. Jens kisses him again, his weight pressing him into the mattress, and Lucas allows himself to melt, going boneless underneath him. Even when Jens pulls away, it’s only to immediately reattach his lips to Lucas’s skin, peppering sweet kisses all over his face. It leaves Lucas humming again, pleased. 

“Nice wake up call,” he murmurs simply. 

Jens pushes himself up just enough to get Lucas opening his eyes, patient as Jens wiggles his brows at him. “I hope you know to expect better than that.”

Lucas grins, letting his eyes fall shut again as Jens softly kisses his cheek. The kisses turn firmer, blazing, as Jens makes his way down Lucas’s chest and hooks his fingers in the waistband of his boxers. 

It’s only when Lucas is breathless and sated, feeling half-asleep again and flexing his fingers free of their tight grip in the other’s hair, that Jens nuzzles his way back up and plants a smacking kiss on his cheek with a cheery, “Happy birthday.”

~^~

Lucas never really liked his birthday. 

At least, never more than any other day. He only remembers vague patches of it from when he was younger, when his parents were still happily married and remembered to buy him cake and gifts and everything else. That lasted until he was around ten, when his mother’s episodes started becoming impossible to ignore, and Lucas found himself more often than not making her dinner on his birthday. He didn’t blame her at all, of course, but he did blame his father for a number of things. If he hadn’t been so ignorant and avoidant of his wife and his only son, she would have gotten her diagnosis and been treated much earlier, and maybe Lucas would have had birthday parties he could actually remember. 

He doesn’t hate his birthday, or anything, but it’s not a day that stands out, either. 

But it is different now. Now that he’s older, and living in Antwerp, in a flat with his boyfriend of two years with a much larger friend group. Now is different. 

Or at least, the morning is, until Jens climbs over his lap at the kitchen table and gives him an apologetic pout. “I shouldn’t have to work on your birthday. It sucks.” 

Lucas is already wrapping his arms around his waist, pulling him closer to tuck his face into his shoulder as he smiles. “Yeah, it sucks.”

“I am genuinely upset and you are turning every word into an innuendo.”

“Well, who’s fault is it that my mind has been on that path all morning?”

Jens sighs, mock aggrieved as he pets a hand through Lucas’s hair. “The answer to that better be me.”

Lucas laughs, lifting his head to pull Jens down and into a kiss. “Always you,” he mumbles. 

At least birthday kisses are a regular thing now, he thinks. He can very much get used to birthday kisses. 

Jens gives him a hundred in apology before he leaves, tracing his lips over every still-exposed piece of skin, comforting and loving and teasing all at once. In the end it’s Lucas forcing him out the door with a multitude of reassurances, unable to stave off one last kiss as Jens promises to make up for it, assuring him he’ll be back in the evening. Lucas, again, tells him it’s fine, because it is. 

He doesn’t hate his birthday. But he doesn’t really like the loneliness that usually seeps in along with it. 

It doesn’t matter, though, this year. It’s different. He has people around him who make it different. He has Jens. He can manage the loneliness for a few hours in the face of that, with the promise of what’s to come. 

~^~

Only, he isn’t even alone for an hour when there’s a knock on the door, and he has to distractedly look up from his sketch and wait to hear it again before it registers. Then he’s bounding off the seat and into the hallway, speed-walking to the door and pulling it up without even checking the peephole. 

He’s instantly engulfed in a bone-crushing hug, seconds before he’s greeted with, “Fuck, I missed you.”

“Kes,” he returns, surprised, ecstatic, wrapping his arms tightly around him in return. “What are you doing here?”

“Don’t be fucking stupid,” Kes says, happy. “Happy birthday.” 

“Happy birthday,” another voice interrupts, even more excited than Kes had been, and Lucas laughs as Jayden pushes in through the doorway to wrap his arms around them both. 

Kes makes a short sound of protest, but wiggles his arm out to wrap around Jayden when Lucas does the same. He is surprised, but he supposes he shouldn’t be, supposes he should expect a gift like this at the very least. He only wonders how long they’ve been planning it, if he was meant to be left in the dark, if it was spontaneous or a given. Last year had been different, when Lucas was still living in Utrecht and it had been his eighteenth, when Jens and the Broerrrs had been the ones that had to get on a train and come join him. They’d thrown him a party, then, not at all secretly enough, and he’d enjoyed it. 

Now, living in Antwerp, and turning no particularly special age, he hadn’t expected it to be like that. He’d expected maybe a bar trip with the boys, at the very most, and would have been content with a quiet night in with Jens. But he can’t deny that he’s pleased at having Kes and Jayden turn up his doorstep, almost relieved to see his best friends. 

“How did you even get here?” Lucas asks, just as they finally break their little huddle and he catches sight of Sander in the hallway. The older boy grins in confirmation, giving a quick nod, and Lucas smiles widely in response. 

“Mr Grownup here was kind enough to meet us at the station,” Kes answers, reaching behind him to pull Sander in the neck, who shoves him away with a huff. “Well, well, kind might not be the right word.”

Sander gives a long-suffering sigh and turns a serious gaze on Lucas. “Bickering, the whole time. Really, the things I do for you Luc.”

Lucas doesn’t bother pointing out the short ten minute driving distance from the station, because he understands that ten minutes is more than enough. Instead he grins wider and reaches out to give Sander’s shoulder a grateful squeeze, tugging him further inside as he finally shuts the door. Kes and Jayden are already making their way to the sitting room, bags now slung over their shoulders. Sander lingers and waits for Lucas, then falls into step easily alongside him as they follow. 

He stops, however, in the doorway to the sitting room, watching Jayden drop his bag and flop onto the sofa in amusement. Lucas turns to him with a frown, realisation sinking in. “You’re not staying.”

Sander shakes his head, and raises his hand to jingle his keys. “Have another pick up to do. I’d say you get half an hour with these guys and then the rest want to see you. So, I’m not staying, but you won’t have to miss me too long.”

Lucas rolls his eyes and punches his shoulder lightly, and Sander laughs, skipping out of the way. “Just go get your boyfriend before you make a fool of yourself.”

Sander waves him off with a smile, turning back towards the room to call a very pointed, “You’re welcome.” 

The two dumbasses turn to him, Jayden from where he’s sprawled face down on the sofa and Kes from his perch on top of the other’s thighs. “Thanks, Sander,” they call back, genuine but still filtering off into laughter as Kes tips sideways and accidentally digs his elbow into Jayden’s back. 

Sander simply shakes his head, amused, and ruffles Lucas’s hair before heading back down the hallway, calling a goodbye over his shoulder. 

Lucas is left to turn back to his friends, just as Jayden is bucking his hips in an attempt to throw Kes off. Kes concedes, sliding to the opposite end of the sofa and letting Jayden pull his legs out from under him, shifting until he’s sat cross-legged and smiling at Lucas. He smiles back as they watch him, until eventually Kes raises his brows and pats the space beside him. 

Once Lucas has sat down, Kes is turning to Jayden with raised brows. “Do you have it?” 

Jayden blinks at him, lips parting. “I thought you were packing it.”

Lucas bites back a laugh as Kes’s expression instantly drops, eyes narrowing as a scowl forms on his lips. “I told you to bring it!”

“If you were literally talking about it why did you not bring it?” 

“Because I was in the shower!”

“Well maybe I was distracted, then.”

Kes tosses his hands up and Lucas does laugh now, as Jayden finally cracks and lets his lips pull up in a smile, a small giggle bubbling out of him as well. He punches Kes’s shoulder, much harder than Lucas had with Sander, and Kes winces away as his scowl deepens. 

“Such little faith in me,” Jayden complains, hoisting his bag onto his lap and digging through it. “Always so quick to believe I’ll let you down.”

Kes grimaces, shoulders slumping in instant apology as Jayden produces a tiny wrapped gift from his bag. “You were fucking with me,” Kes sighs. 

Jayden passes the package to Lucas before wiggling his brows and smacking a kiss to Kes’s cheek. “I’m always fucking with you.”

Kes rolls his eyes, but smiles, and Lucas mock gags, and only smiles when Kes smacks the back of his head. It’s weird, the whole thing. The Kes and Jayden thing. He supposes it’s made it worse, him not being there. He hadn’t really had a chance to watch it develop, hadn’t been able to catch on until he’d already missed months worth of change. He also hadn’t been there to get used to it, only witnessing this new dynamic in their visits back and forth. 

And yeah, it’s weird. 

But it’s not so weird that it isn’t manageable. In fact, sometimes Lucas almost forgets. They’re both tactile, naturally affectionate, but private in that way they all sometimes get in public. Lucas...well, honestly, Lucas isn’t really sure what their relationship is like. He just knows his friends are happy, and they’re still his best friends, and he can’t really make too much fun of them without getting it heaped on him in return. 

Kes hooks an arm around his neck now and jostles him, gesturing at the tiny gift still in his hands and saying, “Open it.”

Lucas doesn’t have to be told twice, curiosity consuming him as he tears at the sparkly wrapping paper. It’s more difficult than expected, the entire small square covered in tape, but eventually he manages to pull a side free. He grins as a small bag of weed slips out, catching it in his palm and tipping his head back. 

“I fucking love you guys,” he admits, and Kes and Jayden both laugh and comply as he holds his hand out for a fist bump. 

Jayden winks. “To give you and Jensy-boy a little birthday boost.” He wiggles his brows once more, whining in pain as Kes elbows him in the gut. 

Lucas simply wiggles his brows back. This time Kes supplies the mock gag. Jayden gives him a high-five. 

“How did you manage to plan this, anyway?” Lucas asks later, wedged between his two friends now as they share a joint. Jayden fiddles with the curls at the back of Lucas’s head with his feet drawn up on the cushion as Kes leans back with his leg strewn over Lucas’s. 

“What do you mean?” Kes tilts his head. 

“I mean, getting here, Sander picking you up, the gift…”

Kes and Jayden share a glance before shrugging and simply stating, “Jens.”

“We just messaged him and he helped us out. And Isa will watch Oscar literally whenever we ask. Think she likes his company,” Jayden says. 

“Think he likes her more than me,” Kes mumbles. 

Jayden makes a noise of protest, patting Kes’s leg comfortingly. “That’s not true. Isa just gives the best belly scratches. With you he just gets jealous.”

“Don’t think he’s the only one,” Lucas smiles, and Kes flicks the side of his head. “Seriously, though. I’m glad you guys are here.”

“Where else would we be?” Kes jostles his head. “We’d never miss a chance to celebrate our baby bro.”

Lucas’s smile widens. His parents stopped being good at even remembering his birthday a long time ago—but Kes was still always there. Kes has always been family, and with him came Isa and Jayden and even their broader group, Liv and Noah and Ralph and the girls. They’d all taken Lucas in at some stage, all welcomed him like family. 

They’re more than enough. 

~^~

“Okay, bro, I know it looks like we didn’t get you anything, but I swear we’re better than that,” Moyo promises, ten minutes into their group meeting at the skatepark. 

“Which is why we’re going to the cafe after and buying you a whole cake. Whatever one you want,” Aaron says, just as earnestly, and Lucas barely holds back a snort. 

“You guys don’t have to get me anything, really.”

“Yes, they do, or they don’t get shit from Jens on their birthdays,” Robbe teases, leaving both boys to turn and scowl at him, unable to do much more through the protective barrier of Sander’s arms. 

“And what did you get him?” Moyo scoffs 

Robbe rolls his eyes, patting Sander’s hands where they clasped on top of his chest. “Sander and I got him an awesome birthday gift. Which we’ll be able to give him if you two get off your asses and go join Kes and Jayden.”

“Lucas doesn’t think anything is better than cake,” Aaron argues, looking to Lucas for confirmation, who simply draws his shoulders up to his ears in a cheeky shrug. 

“Well there is that thing Jens does—“

“No, nope, no way,” Moyo smacks a hand over his mouth, shaking his head as Sander and Robbe laugh and Aaron looks on in confusion. “I love you, man, but for the sake of my sanity and ability to look either of you in the eye ever again, please don’t finish that sentence.”

Lucas doesn’t, but he does lick Moyo’s hand. 

Moyo curses and snaps his hand away, smacking the back of Lucas’s head for good measure before jogging off down the half pipe. Aaron follows him, thankfully without any more questions, and Lucas is left with the most sickening couple in Antwerp—who also happen to be his two best friends here. 

Robbe detached himself from Sander and moves to sit next to Lucas, giving his boyfriend a nod as Sander gets to his feet and moves back to the tree where they’d dumped their bags. “This is kinda more from Sander than me,” Robbe admits. “Idea and payment wise. So you should direct any thanks you have there.”

“I’m already thankful, Robbe,” Lucas says quietly. “It’s not,” he cuts himself off, tries starting again. He gestures at their friends across the park, laughing and falling more than they are skating and watches Robbe follow his gaze. “This, more than anything, I’m thankful for. I mean it when I say you didn’t have to get me anything.”

“And we mean it when we tell you we wanted to,” Robbe shrugs, offering him a gentle smile. He looks down at his feet, choosing his next words with care. “I kind of hated my birthday, for a while. It was the one day my parents would try to pretend everything wasn’t falling apart, and that I actually factored into any of what was happening. It usually still ended up with them screaming at each other. It made it...seem more like an inconvenience than something to celebrate.”

He turns his head to look up at Lucas again, squinting under the glare of the sun. “I know we’re not exactly the same, but,” he offers a small shrug, “I don’t think we’re that different?” 

Lucas swallows down the lump in his throat and nods, bumping his shoulder against Robbe’s. Robbe nods back and adds, “So I get what you mean. I love celebrating with Mama, when she’s capable, but...it’s dumb things like Sander making me breakfast that make it better. It just depends so much on the people around you and you have so many good people, Lucas. It’s like, your friends are your family. You know?”

Lucas can only nod again, blinking quickly as he looks down at his own lap and Robbe passes an arm around his shoulder, pulling him to his side for a brief moment. Lucas huffs a quiet, grateful laugh at the gesture, smiling back when Robbe looks at him and gives his shoulder another squeeze. 

“Jens was always a big part of making my birthday better, too,” Robbe adds, smile turning teasing. “So I’m sure with you…” he trails off suggestively. 

Lucas shoves his shoulder, heart softening at the giggles he receives in return, and then Sander’s back. He drops down on Lucas’s other side, meeting his boyfriend’s eyes for a brief, questioning second. Lucas understands the quiet communication, realises why it had taken him so long to go the few feet and return. 

Sander seemingly got whatever he was looking for, however, presenting Lucas with a package that is notably larger than the one he’d received earlier in the day. Lucas shoots a questioning glance between them before eagerly pulling the wrapping off at their nods, expression brightening as he catches sight of the contents. 

“No way,” Lucas says, awed, now holding the object with a much firmer grip. “A fucking Polaroid?”

He doesn’t know which boy to look at, glancing between both his friends rapidly as he takes it in. There’s a pleased, almost smug tilt to Robbe’s lips now, but he shakes his head at Lucas’s questioning gaze and nods proudly at Sander. “Like I said, all his idea.”

Lucas whips his grin to Sander, who doesn’t look as grateful for the credit as he should. His tongue is poking at his cheek, a habit Lucas has noticed, something he does when he’s unsure of himself. “I remember when you were looking at them in the shop and telling me how cool it would be, because you never learned to develop but these were easy, but I knew you’d never buy it for yourself, so. It’s not the best brand, but—“

Lucas cuts him off by throwing his arms around his neck in a hug, after passing the boxed camera over to Robbe’s careful hands. “It’s perfect, Sander,” he assures, pulling back with a tug to his dark hair. “Thank you.”

Sander’s shoulders lose their tension instantly, dropping in relief as he sports a content smile. 

Lucas takes the box back from Robbe and examines it more closely. “Do you think it’s safe enough to open here, or do I have to wait?”

“If we move back and sit with out stuff until you get it going, it should be safe enough,” Sander reassures. “There’s film and everything with it, ready to go.”

Lucas is hopping up before he’s even finished, muttering a happy, “Okay.” He grins eagerly at them until they stand and join him, Sander seeming to share his excitement as Robbe gives another gentle laugh. 

“I’ll leave you to the technical stuff and go make sure the others don’t die before you can get pictures of it,” Robbe says. 

“It’d be much appreciated,” Lucas agrees, managing the solemn tone for only a moment with his face too eager to express his joy. He and Sander get settled down under the shade of the tree, and Sander helps him gently peel back the bits of tape until he can get the camera out. 

“I can’t believe you got me this,” Lucas mumbles. “Even if it’s not the ‘best brand’. I didn’t expect anything this expensive.”

“It’s not about the expense,” Sander shrugs. “It doesn’t put me out much, especially with Robbe chipping in. I know you’d try to get me something I wanted, even if it was going to leave you struggling, so this is nothing.”

“It’s far from nothing, Sander. I didn’t even realise how much I wanted one of these. But you did,” he points out. “That’s...a lot.”

Sander shrugs again. Lucas isn’t sure he’s ever seen him look so bashful. “I know that you’ll have everyone giving you things today and your best friends are here and they probably know you better than I do, but...I thought it was important to give you something to help you remember all of it. It’s a lot of the reason I draw and take pictures when I get—well. When I go into overdrive. It’s harder to remember things, sometimes. I know that’s not a problem for you in the same way, obviously, but you do love to capture things and I thought this kind of fit even Jens’s vibe best and it just seemed like the right idea.”

There’s an immense pressure in Lucas’s chest that he can’t get rid of, an overflow of emotion that had been there since Robbe had started to speaking to him and now threatens to boil over. He can’t help but think how right Robbe is. He doesn’t know how he’s gotten so lucky, to have so many good people in his life. To be able to consider so many of his friends close enough to be family. 

Sander seems to grow more nervous the longer he stays silent, so he reaches out and places a careful hand on his arm. “It’s a brilliant idea. You know me just as well as anyone, if not better, obviously.”

It does the trick, Sander’s expression instantly softening back into a smile, still somewhat oddly shy. “Well, you probably are my best friend,” Ssnder says simply. Stating a fact. 

Lucas swallows down another lump in his throat and moves to hug him again. 

~^~

He really shouldn’t be surprised when he returns to the flat and finds it suspiciously dark, especially with Kes and Jayden giggling behind him. The others had all ditched them a while ago, Robbe and Sander disappearing first and Moyo and Aaron following not long after, making sure Lucas got every last bit of his cake. 

He really shouldn’t be surprised when he flicks the light on and is gifted with people jumping out from nowhere, yelling an almost simultaneous, “Surpirse!”

Kes and Jayden are also cheering behind him, pushing him forward as he laughs and his eyes make their way naturally to Jens, standing at the front of the room with a massive grin on his face. Lucas feels that usual tug towards him, feels himself being drawn easily into his orbit. Only, a force collides with his chest and holds him back, arms wrapping tightly around his chest as curls tickle his chin. 

“Happy birthday Luc,” Isa croons, squeezing him happily, and Lucas feels the bubble of elation in his chest grow as he hugs her back. 

“Thank you. What are you doing here? Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”

Isa steps back to roll her eyes up at him, shaking him by the shoulders. “Well obviously, Luc, that would’ve ruined the surprise!”

Lucas grins at her, suddenly feeling bashful himself. His friends squeeze past him and he distantly hears Jayden squeal, “Jens!” He huffs a laugh as he watches the collision over Isa’s shoulder, catching sight of the girls and Milan and the boys, all back again. None of them are paying too much attention, letting him have his moment with Isa. 

He looks back down at her and his eyes widen as a sudden thought kicks in. “Isa, Oscar! You’re supposed to be taking care of him.”

“Obviously that was a lie, Luc. Liv and Noah have him. I needed some reason for not showing up with Kes and Jayden so I could sneak in here and set this up.”

Lucas blinks. “You set this up?”

Isa hums, smiling. “The decorations, yeah. Along with the girls and Milan, of course. Engel and Janna would’ve come, too, but Janna’s gone all week and Engel’s mom wasn’t too sure of the idea.”

“And Liv and Noah are dog-sitting,” Lucas grins. He doesn’t have to say he doesn’t mind, knowing Isa already knows. That he’s very happy his three best friends made the time for him, even with this new distance. It reminds him that no one’s really gone anywhere, that they’re still in his corner and any thoughts of losing them were ridiculous. He couldn’t get rid of them if he tried. 

Isa nods, smile turning cheeky, a trait the two of them have always shared. “But you have a lot of people here for you. Your very adorable boyfriend made sure of that.”

Lucas flushes, shoving her shoulder lightly as his eyes automatically trail around the room, finally catching on Jens. He’s still caught up in a conversation with Kes and Jayden, nodding along as Kes waves his hands around animatedly. He must notice Lucas’s gaze, however, casting around for him before finally meeting his eyes. His lips turn up in an easy smile, and he gives Lucas a small wave, and Lucas’s heart stutters stupidly in his chest. As if it isn’t used to Jens by now. As if Jens has never done far more to get his heart racing. 

He’s dragged out of his awe when Isa pinches his cheek, cooing at him again as he bats her away. She laughs, catching his hand to squeeze it fondly. “Go, put him out of his misery. He’s been rushing around for the past hour since he got back, as if we didn’t have everything ready for him,” she rolls her eyes, but her tone and smile are both still fond, and she pulls Lucas into another hug before letting him go. “I’m happy for you, Luc. We’ll catch up properly later, okay?” 

He nods at her and she pats his cheek, running off ahead of him to draw Kes and Jayden away, leaving Jens standing alone with an amused grin lighting up his face. He turns to Lucas slowly, expression softening as he takes him in, and Lucas finally moves towards him. 

Jens immediately envelopes him in his arms and presses a kiss to the top of his head, and this is exactly what Lucas has been waiting for all day. Just this. 

“What made you think I’d want a surprise party?” Lucas asks, voice muffled where his face is tucked into Jens’s shoulder. 

Jens hums, swaying Lucas slightly side to side. “I don’t know, maybe the fact that you like surprises, and parties, and me…”

“Oh and you’re the main event at this thing then, is that it?”

“Luc, I am always the main event,” Jens says, lifting his hands to Lucas’s shoulders and gently pushing him back enough to kiss him. His lips are still brushing Lucas’s as he speaks, voice low and teasing. “But only for you.”

Lucas hums, pulling Jens down by his grip on his neck, drawing him into another slow kiss as Jens’s hands smooth over his back. “Thank you,” Lucas murmurs. 

Jens smiles, sneaks a kiss to his cheek. “Always.”

Before Lucas can fall into him completely, there are a set of hands on his own shoulders, dragging him away from his boyfriend even as he protests, his own hands clenched in the collar of Jens’s shirt. Milan carefully plucks them away and steps in between them, smiling politely even as he gives Lucas a little shove. 

“Your lovely boyfriend isn’t going anywhere, but you have friends waiting to hug you and gifts waiting to be opened,” Milan says, seemingly genuinely apologetic. 

Lucas groans, but greets Milan with a kiss on the cheek before letting himself be led around the room. 

~^~

He’s exhausted by the time everyone leaves, dead on his feet in the kitchen as he empties the abandoned bottles of alcohol. He rubs at his eyes as arms slip around his waist from behind and a soft kiss is placed on the side of his neck. A smile takes over his face as he leans back into Jens’s warmth, tempted to turn around and curl into his hold and never move. 

“You shouldn’t be cleaning up, it’s your birthday,” Jens admonishes, taking the bottle from his grip and placing it on the counter. “I’ll do it tomorrow. It’ll be fine until then.”

Lucas hums, debating only for a few seconds before he gives in with a nod. He turns in his boyfriend’s hold to wind his arms around his neck, resting against his chest as he closes his eyes and lets out a tired breath. Jens hugs him for a moment, cupping the back of his head and keeping him close. 

“Did you have a good day?” Jens asks quietly. 

“Mmhm,” Lucas assures, smile spreading back over his face. “The best day.”

Jens huffs, chest shaking with silent laughter as he draws back and leads Lucas out of the room. “Okay, bedtime.”

Lucas is maybe, kinda, a little tipsy. And probably slightly high. But he knows these minor factors aren’t the source of his happiness. That it’s more to do with Kes and Jayden sprawled together on the pull-out sofa, already snoring lightly and completely forgoing the blankets Jens had left out for them. Isa had also been offered a spot, but she’d declined in favour of staying with Jana, who had an actual spare room to offer her. The rest of his friends had filtered out slowly through the night, Yasmina being the first to disappear with a sweet kiss to his cheek and Robbe and Sander being the last to linger, helping them make the place somewhat less of a mess. Or at least, they’d tried to, even as Robbe and Jens got distracted messing around with the streamers and Lucas had proudly been presenting his blurry polaroids to Sander. 

“Do you think we’ll have to buy a new sofa now?” Lucas sniffs, glancing suspiciously back over his shoulder at his friends’ still forms. 

Jens bites his lip to muffle his laugh. “No, I think the sofa will be okay.”

Lucas hums. “Okay. That’s good.”

He pauses in the doorway to their bedroom, leaving Jens to bump into his back as his eyes train on the bowl in the center of the bed. 

“Jens,” Lucas whispers. 

“Luc.”

“Why is there a dog bowl on our bed? Is this some kind of kink thing?”

Jens doesn’t bother muffling his laughter this time, and Lucas smiles as he rings it loud and unabashed next to his ear. Jens shakes his head and nudges him into the room until he can close the door behind them, pursing his lips in amusement as he turns Lucas to face him. “No. It’s not a kink thing. It’s entirely innocent, I promise.”

Lucas’s eyes widen. “You better not be fucking with me.”

“I didn’t get one,” Jens says quickly. “Because even though I wanted it to be a surprise, it’s ours, and I want you to have a say. Which is why I got a size and gender neutral bowl for now until I can take you to the shelter tomorrow.”

Lucas presses his hands to his cheeks, smushing them until his lips are ridiculously puckered. “I love you.” He kisses him, short repetitive pecks that start on his lips and move around the rest of his face. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

Jens wraps him up again and squeezes him, seeking his lips out for a proper kiss before returning a sweet, “Happy birthday, Luc.”

[chappedandfadedvds]

Nov 11th, Wednesday 21:12

„So why did you actually move here in the first place?“

They had finished dinner and sat on the sofa in the livingroom. Empty plates and half filled wine glasses left forgotten on the low table infront of them. Lucas had found a bottle I n one of the cupboards, presenting it to Jens with a grin. They hadn’t found any candles though, so their joked about candle-light-dinner fell a bit short.

Lucas’s legs were thrown over Jens’s lap, as the boy rested his back against the side arm of the couch.

They had talked a lot about the online classes till now and the huge amount of homework they had gotten. Til Jens remembered that he wanted to ask Lucas so many more private things, that hadn’t felt right over the phone. He wanted to see Lucas in person when he did.

„Difficult topic.“ The boy said, leaning his head against the back rest, as he looked at Jens, but went on quietly regardless. Only pausing occasionally as he elaborated: „My mother takes part in a 9 month long drug trial here at the university hospital... She suffers from severe depression with a moderate form of psychosis... becasue why not. And they have a new treatment in development, that her doctor suggested could help her balance the chemicals in her brain, or something... So I told her, that I thought it was a good idea and that I wouldn’t let her go on her own. Obviously I’m also underage... Now, here we are.“

It evidently was hard for Lucas to talk about his family situation. And Jens was instantly reminded back to Robbe and how he had been there for his best friend two years ago, while everything went to shit with his mother, while he himself dealt with Jana and their break-up.

But this wasn’t the time to dwell on old memories. This here only involved Lucas.

So Jens strechted his arm out far enough, that his fingers could comb though the brown locks on Lucas’s head.

„Sorry to hear that. How is she doing?“

„Pretty good actually. I felt so lost with her back in Utrecht, but now that we are here and I don’t have to constantly worry over her, I feel much better. She is much more energetic and happy when we spend a day or two together. She asks more, listens more. She feels much more like a parent for once in a very long time.“ Lucas smiled at him, certainly looking content with his current situation until Jens hit him with the next question, his expression dropping into a frown.

„And where is your father?“

„He moved to Amsterdam after my mom broke down one day. They were fighting for years already and I don’t really mind him being out of my life, he was a bit far leaning on the conservative site.“ The dutch boy explained vaguely, certainly being done with this subject. On his part at least.

„What about your parents? You also only live with your mom, right?“

“Yup.“ Being on the recieving end of the question hurt definitely more. He wasn’t about to lie though to Lucas, as the boy had been so honest with him. He just wasn’t ready to talk about his mom yet. He didn’t know how to start.

„Only with my mom, yes. I haven’t seen my dad in years. I’m not even sure if Robbe remembers him. He was home at best a couple of month a year. He is not a bad man, he just never was made for settling down and family life, I suppose.“

„What do you mean?“ Lucas interrupted, watching Jens curiously from his position, his hand lightly kneading the older boy’s neck in circles. It was a very calming feeling.

„Well, he studied marine biology and after having done his PhD, with me being two, he started going on all sorts of expeditions. He always came back with the coolest stories and gifts. A real adventurer. I loved listening to him as a boy, Only when I grew older and Lotte was born did I notice under how much pressure my mom stood. She broke it off with him, when I was eleven. They never divorced, but the last time I heard of him was a postcard on my birthday two years ago from Tasmania.“ Jens shrugged. „I don’t even have an adress or a phone number to contact him, so... Not sure if it makes him an asshole or not.“

Truth be told, Jens never really had felt much regarding his absent father. He also didn’t really think much about him. He only ever felt sad for his mom having to handle everything on her own.

„Yeah, I don’t know either.“ Lucas said carefully, unsure of his response. Maybe he was afraid to say the wrong thing, or to hurt Jens? 

„Do you think he would have approved of us here?“ Lucas question caught him a bit off guard, until he remembered that the boy had told him his father to be „conservative“.

„I believe so, he was very much of the „live and let live“ attitude, as far as I can recall. And even if not, I don’t really care, because I get to cuddle and kiss this pretty boy right here.“

Lucas snorted at him, still sat straighter up and reaching over to kiss Jens, moving to settle on his lap.

„Do your friends know you are not straight?“ Lucas continued to ask, as his lips brushed along Jens’s jaw.

„No. I mean three weeks ago, I thought I was very straight.“ 

„Oh?“ Lucas feighned surprise and leaned his head back, his eyes searching for Jens’s gaze, as he grinned. „How come not now?“

„I haven’t the slightest clue. I may need something to remind me.“ Jens said, his arms wrapped around the body of Lucas, pulling him closer, his hips pushing up playfully into the other boy, who drew a sharp breath, his eyes falling shut.

If that wasn’t a beautiful sight to be seen.

„Jens.“ Lucas whispered nervously clearing his throat, his gaze driffted off over Jen’s head. Had he done something wrong?

„Sorry, should I..“

„No.“ Lucas quickly stopped Jens in his attempt to push Lucas a bit away. The fingers in his neck digging into him.

„Okay.“ Jens waited for Lucas to gather his thoughts. It only took the boy a minute to go on and elaborate.

„I’ve never...“

„You’ve never...“ Jens repeated, when the other boy once again stopped in his tracks.

„I’ve never done this. All of this.“ Lucas finally said.

„What? Was I your first kiss?“ Jens’s eyes grew wide as the thought hit him, and with it an actual punch in the chest from Lucas’s fist. Not that it was really hard or meant to hurt.

„No. I’ve kissed before. It just never went anywhere further than that. And also they were girls.“

„Eh same. You are also the first boy I’ve kissed.“ Jens said grinning brightly at the smiling boy rolling his eyes.

„That’s not what I mean, asshole.“

„Sorry.“ He pecked a kiss on Lucas’s lips, earning him another in return, before the boy on his lap grew a bit more serious again.

„You have so much experience with girls at least and I have none... What if you don’t like this? You said yourself, that you thought you were absolutely straight before. I’m scared I’m not good enough.“ The last words were a whisper so soft, Jens had trouble to understand them.

„Hey. I’m nervous too.“ Jens admitted as he locked eyes with Lucas. „You are the first boy for me as well. I have no fucking clue, what I am supposed to be doing here. I’ve never thought about it before, nor done reasearch on it. I just... We’ll just figure it out, okay? And if today is not the right day, then there is still tomorrow. So how about we kiss. And then you take my sweater and shirt off, and I’ll take yours off. Because honestly that is all I want right now. And then we’ll go from there.“

Lucas was back to smiling at him, eagerly nodding as his eyes dropped to Jens’s lips before he was pulled back into a tight embrace by the older boy. Their lips finding each other blind while their hands lost no time slipping under fabric and pulling their shirts off.

How hard could it be?

__ __ __ 

tagged: @odi-et-amo85, @tayspots

quick info:

so I am ace, but had my fair share of experiences, still I’m not comfortable going further than that in writing. If you expected some explicit content in my work, I’m afraid, I’ll have to disappoint you. Go read it somewhere and come back for the story, if you want 😭

hope you don’t mind and are able to fill the blanks to your fullest wishes!

thank you for reading!! ❤️

ps: if everything goes okay and I’m still motivated, I may continue my version of wtfock with another season exploring asexuality 🙈

[jenliliscripts]

Home This Christmas

"Lisa, babe, can you check the muffins in the oven? I'm still busy cleaning," Jennie yells from the living room.

"Mmmm! Just a sec!" Lisa responds in a high pitched voice then scurries to the kitchen.

"Baaaaaaaabe, how long did you leave this here? I might ruin this if I keep pricking it."

"20 minutes I think?"

"Alrighty! I'll take it from here. Go do your thing. I got this."

"Thanks, babe!" Jennie answered, her body feeling warm right after sweetly addressing Lisa.

It hasn't been a smooth ride for the two of them, especially when they had gone past the early stages of their relationship. Day by day, as they discovered their differences, fights ensued. The situation got worse when they moved into one apartment. Lisa had to pack her bags in the middle of the night a couple of times over the years. In those occasions, her clothes were already scattered on the floor outside their door with a large duffel bag on top of the pile.

Jennie's patience for Lisa continued to dwindle after every broken promise so her first reaction whenever Lisa fails to keep her word is to kick her out of the apartment. It used to be a huge issue whenever Jennie does this. So much drama and screaming. They've been reported by their neighbors because of all the shouting which led to them being called to the office by the management. Of course they were embarrassed, but that didn't stop them from fighting over the pettiest things. But they've always made up one way or another. They always find their way back to each other.

They've only gotten back together a few weeks ago and Jennie immediately noticed the changes in Lisa's behavior and because of that, she was a bit more patient whenever her girlfriend messed up. She used to pick on Lisa for the smallest things she did wrong just because she suddenly remembered the taller girl's lapses a long time ago. Now, she stops herself before she could say something unpleasant. It's what usually starts their arguments—Jennie's nagging. Lisa could take one round of it but eventually loses her cool once Jennie repeats herself as if she hasn't heard enough of her issues.

Flashback

"Babe, can you put your foot down. It's called a table for a reason," Jennie scolds her as soon as she got out of their room.

Lisa rolled her eyes and reluctantly obliged. "Happy?"

"Did you just roll your eyes at me?"

"No," she lied and continued to skim through the selection of movies on the screen.

"Yes, you did," Jennie raised her tone. Lisa has always found this vexing yet she never spoke about it.

"And so if I did? What are you going to do about? Whine?"

Jennie clenched her jaw, the veins on her neck becoming prominent. "Can't you just do something without parading your attitude?"

Lisa shrugged, her eyes boring into her girlfriend's face. "That's if you stop fretting over the tiniest things like we're going to die if I don't put down my goddamn foot down from the table."

Lisa's tone was pretty much monotonous yet Jennie perceived her nonchalance as a mockery. "Don't start with me, Lisa. You're the reason why I'm being like this."

She scoffed, leaning back and linked her fingers behind her head. "Yeah? I'm always the bad one in this house. I was never right. Go ahead. Blame me all you want. I'm used to it."

"So all this time you haven't reflected on your shortcomings? My fucking God. Grow up."

Lisa shuts her eyes then pressed her lips into a hard line. "What do you want me to do, Jen? Kneel in front of you and worship you day and night for all the plans I ruined? Should I cry you a river for forgetting to greet your mom on her birthday and for all the instances that I let you down? Is that what you want?"

"Stupid! Stupid!" Jennie shrieked, her eyes turning dark.

Here we go again, Lisa thought.

She stood up and marched to their room, but before she could walk past her girlfriend, her arm was yanked. "What? You're done yet? I'm already getting out of your way. Can't you see?"

"We're not through." Jennie's voice was shaking. She was trying to act tough even though she was the type to cry in these situations.

"What's your concern this time? I'm sorry for whatever it is. Now can I go?"

Lisa was tired of it. They were fighting everyday. They slept with their backs turned against each other. They was more anger than love between them. These moments made her think of just ending it. It would be easier that way. She doesn't have to deal with Jennie's loud mouth and she could do anything she wants like take her clothes off as soon as she enters the apartment and leave it there until she decides to pick it up or leave the dishes unwashed until the next morning. With Jennie, she has to police herself 24/7. It's driving her crazy.

Jennie's tears were starting to fall from her eyes, but swiftly wipes them away. "If you're gonna continue being like this, maybe we should just break up."

"What do you mean?"

"Just you being you doesn’t really help our case."

"What's wrong about being me now? Jesus Christ, Jennie Kim."

"We clearly have so many differences. We tried working it out and we couldn't find a middle ground. I hate you for being a slob. You hate me for being a perfectionist. You don't like following orders, while I can't stand it whenever you stray away from my instruction."

Lisa strokes her hair with her fingers as she inhaled deeply. "Jennie, I'm not your slave. I'm your girlfriend."

Jennie fell silent. "I've been silent all this time, but I think you don't find anything wrong about yourself when it's pretty obvious that there is. We're both flawed. It's not just me. Maybe look at yourself once in a while."

Lisa takes her arm and stormed off to their room. She plopped to the bed and stared at the ceiling thinking about her relationship with Jennie. Are they beyond saving? Are they going to crash and burn at the very end like how she had feared the moment she settled into the relationship? Their friends got married in succession and they're the only remaining couple who hasn't tied the knot. They've avoided the topic as much as they could so whenever their friends would open up about it, they would laugh it off and dismiss them. Jennie is aware of her hesitation, however, the reasons she confessed to her were lies. Lisa made up her mind long before and even bought a ring. She was ready to propose, but their fights started to get worse from that point so she decided to postpone it as long as she could.

Now she's just going through the motions, showing Jennie that she doesn't have a plan in taking their relationship to the next level. It may be one of the reasons why Jennie is being so uptight or maybe it's because she's forgetful and irresponsible. Either way, Jennie seems to dislike her more than she loves her.

Lisa fell into a deep slumber a few minutes later. She couldn't help it no matter how hard she tried. The bed is undeniably her weakness. Upon realizing that she dozed off, she jolted awake. It was pitch black and eerily quiet. She couldn't hear the clanking in the kitchen or the music playing from the speakers. She checked the time on her phone and it read 6:08 PM. She frantically jumped out of bed and dashed out only to find the small light in the living room turned on.

"Jen?" she called, her eyes scanning the vicinity. "Babe?"

Their friends would be arriving soon for Christmas dinner and Jennie's not the one to be gone an hour before a scheduled event. It's not yet sinking into her, but the thought crossed her mind when Jennie wasn't responding.

"No, no. She wouldn't do that," Lisa mumbled to herself as she walked back to the room.

The only way to know was to check the closet for Jennie's things. She stood in front of it for a full minute, gathering enough courage to open it. "Jennie wouldn't leave this apartment. I'm the one being kicked out here."

She closed her eyes and carefully pulled the handle. "I know her things are here. They should be."

Her heart sank at the sight of an empty closet. It was wiped clean. There was no message or call. Not even a note saying where she went. Lisa was frightened. She doesn't know where to find Jennie. She hasn't done this before. Her fingers were shaking when she picked up her phone and called her, but she was sent straight to voicemail.

"Fuck, Jennie. You're not doing this. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."

She bombarded her with messages after many failed attempts in contacting her. She called everyone they knew but they have no idea where Jennie is. The last message they received from her said that dinner's cancelled.

And Jennie did disappear that night without a trace and it left Lisa in complete disarray. It's like her life stopped in an instant, without warning. She wasn't ready for her departure, she will never be so she set her mind into finding her. She is adamant in taking her back.

But it was almost a year since the day she left and she still couldn't find her. Lisa was becoming hopeless and was about to give up, however, Jennie magically appeared in her front door on the first of December.

Lisa opened the door mindlessly, thinking that the person on the other side was the pizza delivery guy. Her arm was already extended, ready to hand the crumpled bills she's holding. "It's 18 dollars, right—"

"Hey," Jennie cuts her off, a shy smile plastered on her face. Her hair was tied into a messy bun and she was wearing the pink sweater I gave her. The suitcase she that stood beside her was half her height and the backpack she was carrying hung loosely on her back.

Lisa stared at her, jaw hanging open, still in a state of shock. Jennie didn't seem real. It felt like a dream. "Jen, is that really you?"

She chuckled. "Yes, it's me."

Lisa snapped out of her reverie and quickly took Jennie's suitcase from her hands. "Come in, come in."

"Am I still allowed in here? Is this still our apartment?"

Lisa's expression softened, her heart swelling with joy as Jennie's arrival finally dawned into her. She is back. There's no more waiting and the search is over. She grabbed Jennie's waist and pulled her into a kiss. She missed it—how her lips felt, how her hair smells, everything.

"I missed you so much, Jen. I'm sorry for everything. I wouldn't be able to list them all down but I've realized my mistakes and I'm going to do better. This time I mean it."

Jennie cupped Lisa's cheek and smiled warmly. "I was wrong too, you know. You were right. We're both flawed. I'm sorry for leaving you like that. I was actually a bit unsure if I should ring the doorbell. I thought you went on with your life after I disappeared."

I shook my head. "I couldn't see myself with someone else, Jen. You are where all my roads end."

Jennie cheeks were instantly painted red after hearing that heartfelt statement from Lisa. She isn't the expressive one between them yet she unhesitatingly declared her feelings. "I love you, Jen. And I'm so happy that you're home."

End of flashback

Lisa went behind Jennie and slid her arms around her waist, before lowering her head to kiss the crook of Jennie's neck. The smaller girl was startled, her body jerking as soon as she felt Lisa's lips touch her skin. "It's just me, babe."

"I'm sorry. I'm not used to this version of you. I think it will take time."

"I'll do this more often. I'll drown you with affection if I must. Agh, I love you so much. I really really love you."

Jennie twirled and faced her, prompting Lisa to loosen her grip. Jennie balled her fist into the collar of Lisa's shirt then tugged her forward, and planted tender kisses on her cheeks before capturing her lips. Jennie moved skillfully, causing fireworks to erupt in Lisa's stomach and the hairs of the back of her neck stand.

They were both catching their breaths when they broke away and a smile etched on their faces as they stared into each other's eyes. "And I love you too, my Lili."

Lisa subtly fished for the ring in her pocket. "Tell you what, let's do something we can brag about later at dinner."

Jennie tilted her head to the side and shot her girlfriend a questioning look. "Like?"

Lisa took a step back and showed the ring, eliciting a gasp from Jennie. "Lisa…"

"Marry me?"

Jennie couldn't utter a single word. She was caught off guard. The idea of marriage already left her mind a long time ago but here's Lisa shattering all her expectations again. She has indeed changed. She was no longer the person she left a year ago.

"Pretty please?"

Jennie nodded repeatedly and raised her hand so that Lisa can insert the ring into her finger.

"Merry Christmas, babe," Lisa whispered into her ear.

"And more to celebrate with you," Jennie responded before kissing Lisa again.

[voldemorthatesnose96]

FORELSKET

Chapter two❤️❤️❤️

Chapter one❤️❤️❤️

“Son, I’m sorry but I can’t meet you and your mum this weekend. The situation’s a bit complicated here. Hope you understand.”

Robbe slams his fist on the sofa and grunts. It’s a good thing that he lives alone, no one could see how pissed he is right now. He used to live with Zoë and they became very much like siblings, even though sometimes mistaken as lovers. Robbe is really fond of her but when she’s with Senne, he realised that it was the time for him to moved out from there. Zoë insisted that they could still live together because Senne have his own place but Robbe politely rejected her. The last thing he wanted is become a third wheel or hearing them having sex; that’s too much for him to handle, fuck no!

It has been more than five months since he’s living alone in this tiny flat but it’s more than okay because he doesn’t need to walk far from his high school. Sometimes his friends are coming to visit but never stay and Robbe must admit that, even though living alone has its own perks but sometimes he feels lonely and somehow he’s too shy to say that to his friends or even Zoë. Jens once suggested that Robbe should have a pet to make his flat look more alive but Robbe quickly dismissed his idea because he still can’t take care of himself well enough, let alone a pet.

When he suddenly realises how silent it is, his thought is going back to his dad’s message. Last week, Robbe texted him that he and his mum wanted to meet him. At first, his dad agreed to that idea and Robbe couldn’t be more happy about it. Sure, he’s still not forgives his dad entirely for leaving Robbe and his mum like they were nothing, but as much as he resent his dad because of it, Robbe can’t lie to himself that he still longs for a family togetherness and also his mum always told him to forgive his dad; he did, until now. Tries to resist the strong urge to throw anything at the wall, he picks up his phone again and blocks his dad’s number.

Screw him and his new, happy family! I don’t need him, mum doesn’t need him too! Why would I bother?! , he thought.

Robbe glances at the clock in front of him; it’s still eight in the evening but already feels so tired and drained. He plops himself on that sofa and less than five minutes later, he falls asleep until morning.

———————

“Robbe, something’s wrong? You look like shit,” Aaron asks but later adds. “well, you always look like shit but today is more shitty.”

Robbe doesn’t laugh at his joke, “I’m fine.”

He’s clearly not in the mood for talking about what happened last night, not because he doesn’t trust Aaron but if he starts to talk about it then it’s gonna make him even more upset.

“Oh, okay,” Aaron shrugs. “how was Sander’s birthday party last week? You didn’t even tell us anything! How rude!”

Shit!

How can he ever forget about that party and...the little moment between them? The thing with his dad last night completely ruined everything because he couldn’t think of anything else (beside the plan which was now wrecked) than that moment. And now that Robbe remember, he hasn’t told his friend a single thing about it than just “it was nice” and nothing else.

“I told you before, right? It was nice.”

Before Aaron can protest, the school’s bell rings; always too loud for its own good but it gives Robbe the perfect escape. He says goodbye to Aaron and they parts ways. Robbe can’t even believe his eyes when he finds Sander’s already waiting in front of his class. Unknowingly, Robbe’s feet hurries his way to the tall guy.

“What are you doing? Don’t you have class?” he whispers while looking at the almost empty hallway. Students were too busy half-running to their own classes before the teacher come but Robbe can still sense some of their curious eyes darts on him and Sander; not to mention the whispering from most girls too. But he doesn’t care a slightest bit, in fact, he kinda enjoys it. While Sander, as usual, doesn’t even notice too or to put it simply, he doesn’t give a shit about anyone or anything than the cute guy in front of him right now.

“I was waiting for you.” Sander simply says. His eyes never leave Robbe’s. He’s been standing there for more than ten minutes while thinking about last night. It gives him enough energy to keep him content.

Robbe gulps, now feeling quite shy under his stare, “For what?”

“I wanted to.”

Robbe laughs at this, “Go to class, Sander or you’ll get detention.”

Sander flashes his most dangerous smirks and Robbe gasps a bit. Unfortunately for him, that little gesture is being noticed by Sander.

“Nervous?”

Robbe rolls his eyes, “Whatever. I’m going in.”

“Okay okay, wait up!” Sander catches Robbe’s arm to stop him from leaving. “meet me at lunch. I wanna talk to you about something. You in?”

“About what? Can’t you say it now?”

Sander shakes his head, that damn smirks still stay, “Can’t do. It won’t take more than five minutes. Also,” he adds while his hand brushes Robbe’s brunette hair. “I need you to miss me.”

With that, Sander walks away from Robbe; leave him there, stunned and shocked but he sure as hell going to meet that guy at lunch and for the first time since yesterday, he’s finally happy. 

[searchingwardrobes]

My Problems with Once and Adoption/Foster Care

Ya’ll know I love this show, and I love the character of Emma Swan. BUT . . . their portrayal of adoption and foster care - particularly the adults who care for these children - leaves much to be desired. The thing that especially saddens me are those in the fandom who buy into their portrayal without question. I recently started another fic that throws adoption agencies under the bus. I don’t fully fault writer’s. After all, the source material is flawed, and we all want to write Emma in character. However, I just hope I can give you another perspective.

Why in the world am I qualified to talk about this? Well, let’s see . . .

* My cousin fostered to adopt all three of her children, two of them brothers.

* My sister pursued adoption for several years before deciding to embrace being, as she puts it, “the best aunt ever” instead.

* My best friend waited ten years to adopt her precious daughter. She went through the heartbreak of caring for her first child - a son - until his birth mother changed her mind at the last minute before the adoption was final. 

* We have a close family friend who is like an “extra grandma” to my kids and her adult daughter was adopted at birth. 

* My sister in law and her brother are adopted.

* My husband’s youngest brother and sister were officially adopted by his dad after he married their mom.

* Another close friend of mine adopted her twelve year old daughter from The Philippines two years ago. She was born with her mouth fused shut, no feet, and no hands. I tutored this little girl for a year, and I love her to death! 

* A friend of mine who is now in her sixties put her daughter up for adoption when she became pregnant at fourteen. The girl found her as an adult, and they have now forged a relationship.

* Another friend of mine is fostering her niece while her sister is in rehab. Right now, it looks like it may become permanent.

This isn’t even an exhaustive list of all the people I know who have fostered and adopted. These all span multiple locations as well.  I know it’s not the same as going through it myself, but all of the above people are dear to me and it hurts me deeply to see their way of life misrepresented. 

So here are just a few things that I want to point out concerning the plot on Once:

1. Domestic infant adoption in the US varies state to state, but it basically goes like this:

* If a birth mother decides to pursue an adoption while she is still pregnant, it is HER decision who gets her baby. If she goes through an agency (most common), she will get to look through profiles of potential adoptive parents. This is important to remember, PLEASE! The birth mother chooses the parents, not the other way around. If it’s a private adoption, she usually finds out about the parents through friends, family, or acquaintances, but the choice is still hers. Therefore, if Emma had decided to put Henry up for adoption before he was born, as the show implies, she would have been the one to pick Regina out as his adoptive mom. 

* The birth mother can decide to meet the birth parents or never meet them. The birth mother has the right to ask for financial assistance for everything from maternity clothes to counseling after she gives the baby up. The only thing illegal is the mother can’t “sell” her baby. In other words, she can’t make a profit off the adoption.

* The birth mother also gets to decide if it is a closed adoption, semi open, or completely open. Even in a closed adoption, the child has the right to the birth parent’s medical records when they come of age. Open adoptions are on a scale. Some birth mothers attend birthday parties and have regular visitation. Others let the child decide on contact when they reach a certain age. Sometimes they send letters each year on the child’s birthday. There are dozens of arrangements the birth mother can come to with the birth parents, and it all gets spelled out in a legal document.

* The only time an infant is placed in foster care is if the birth mother decides after birth that she doesn’t want the child. This is always temporary. Infants are either returned to the birth parents or are adopted. THERE IS NO GROWING UP FROM INFANCY IN FOSTER CARE! Now, a child can be taken away from their birth home at a later date due to neglect, drug abuse, etc. But no kid is born into foster care. There are thousands of parents in the US waiting for an infant to adopt, more than there are babies to adopt. That’s why it took my best friend TEN YEARS to find her daughter. That’s why when a baby was abandoned at the Atlanta airport a few years back, hundreds of parents called family services wanting the child. The boy had a home (which became permanent) within 48 hours. There is no way a healthy, beautiful baby girl like Emma would have been put in that group home like we saw in season two. At worst, she would have been placed with foster parents temporarily until the waiting period was over. (See below)

* After the infant is given over to the birth parents, there is a waiting period. During that time, the birth mother can change her mind. This varies wildly from state to state. Here in Georgia, it’s two weeks. In Pennsylvania, where my best friend lives, it is an entire month. On day 30, my best friend had to give her son back to his birth mother. I can not convey to you the pain she endured. Having said that, I’m glad birth mothers have the freedom to change their minds. I would never want to go back to the 1950s when babies were ripped from the arms of their devastated mothers who were given no say in the matter. On a side note, some adoptive parents opt to let the baby go to a temporary foster home until the waiting period is over so they don’t go through heartbreak if the birth mother changes her mind. My next door neighbors chose that route when they adopted their daughter, but remember in Georgia, that’s only two weeks. With my best friend, she felt a month was too long and she was willing to love on that child even if it was only for a month. 

* Even after the waiting period is over, the adoption is not official until the parents stand before a judge. Legally speaking, this is more binding than birthing a biological child. In other words, there is no going back. No returning the child. No exchanges. No refunds. Which brings me to . . . 

THE SWANS GIVING EMMA BACK: If Emma was legally adopted, this would be impossible. She states that she was three when it happened, making it even less credible to me. The only way this would make sense is if they were foster parents who never legally adopted her. It is true that foster parents sometimes decide to stop fostering when they have biological children, but adoption? Nope. (Not to mention the show later claimed that Emma chose the last name Swan herself when she was 9 or 10, so .  . . )

2. The cost of adoption:

* I don’t know where the idea comes from that it’s expensive for a birth mother to give her baby up for adoption. The adoptive parents pay for everything, as I stated above, or at the very least, they pay the medical bills. This doesn’t mean it’s EASY for a mother to give up her baby. Props to Jen for portraying Emma’s agony so well in season three! However, just because something is difficult doesn’t mean it isn’t the best decision for the CHILD. Obviously, my friend who is now in her sixties was unable to care for a child at 14, when she was a child herself! She was thrilled to hear her birth daughter tell her about the happy home she was raised in. Like Emma tells Henry, birth mother’s give their children up “to give them their best chance.” It is a selfless decision.

* It IS expensive to adopt - for the adoptive parents. There are legal fees, fees for home inspections (which expire and have to be redone yearly), travel fees, medical fees (not only maternity for the birth mother, but physicals for them, their children, and even their pets), and then additional fees if they are paying an agency. This is a simplified list, honestly. A friend of mine had a blog when she was adopting her sons from Ethiopia, and her list of paperwork that had to be filed was mind-boggling. 

RUMPLE ARRANGING HENRY’S ADOPTION: Considering all of the above, it had to be an illegal, black market adoption. That does exist  -however, it’s usually foreign, not domestic. Nine times out of ten, however, they just swindle couples who are desperate to adopt. But you know, Once writers . . .  

3. The reasons parents adopt or foster:

* Inability to conceive - this has to be number one. It’s the reason my best friend adopted, and it’s the reason my sister pursued it for so long. One sad thing? The most common reason for infertility is a disease called polycystic ovarian syndrome. One of the symptoms is weight gain, regardless of diet or exercise. Yet guess what many countries require for you to adopt? A “healthy” BMI. Meaning women with PCOS have an even harder time adopting.

* Compassion for orphans - This is why my friends adopted their daughter from the Philippines. They have two biological children, but when they thought about the millions of orphans in the world, they felt led to share their home and family with a child who did not have one. I know several people who foster for the same reason. They aren’t doing it for a “check from the government.” (And fyi, the government gives them most of that “money” in the form of food stamps and other public benefits that often only covers the bare minimum.)

* A need in their family - My friend who took in her niece had just come upon her “empty nest years,” but she couldn’t look the other way when a three year old little girl was being neglected because of her mother’s addictions. She and her husband were then back to pull ups (the mother hadn’t even attempted potty training), preschool cartoons, and teaching the ABCs. Their niece also had spent so much time in an exersaucer that her legs were crippled and she still couldn’t walk. They had to pay for braces on her legs and physical therapy. But how could they turn away their own flesh and blood? (By the way, she is now five years old and thriving!)

REASONS TO ADOPT ACCORDING TO ONCE: To fulfill your own needs and soothe your own loneliness. I’m not saying there aren’t awful, selfish people out there who adopt for that reason, but I ask you: How many people would be willing to go through ALL the difficulties I described above for selfish reasons? It just doesn’t make sense. And frankly, it is insulting to the many adoptive and foster parents that I know and love. 

4. Regardless of all of the above, adopted kids DO struggle at times.

* Mary Margaret tells Emma in season one that Henry has the same question that all adopted kids do: “why did my real parents give me up?” (I’m paraphrasing, but you remember this scene, I’m sure). This is actually true. Pretty much every family I know who has adopted, their kids have gone through this at some point. No matter how loving a home they are raised in, this question inevitably comes up. Some kids (or adults) meet their birth parents and find peace : they really weren’t able to take care of me, they really did want what was best for me, they did it because they loved me. For others, meeting their birth parents is painful. Yet none of that means the adoption wasn’t the best choice or that the adoptive parents were awful to the child (like Regina).

* Is the foster care system in the US flawed? Yes. There are too many cases and not enough social workers. Children fall through the cracks, some of them have tragically died. However, if you actually look into the facts in such cases, children are most often injured or killed not by foster parents, but by their birth parents. Usually it is the system’s failure to remove children from dangerous homes that is the problem, not cruel foster parents. There are also not enough foster parents for children who need homes, with older children being the hardest ones to place. Many of these kids are suffering from severe trauma and caring for them isn’t easy. Typically, the reason kids are bounced around in the system is because their parents keep regaining custody, loosing it again, regaining it again, etc, etc. By the time the parents either get their shit together or relinquish custody, the kid’s a preteen or teen. So my question for Once is:

WHY DID EMMA GET BOUNCED AROUND? She was put back in the system at three, but we don’t see her again until she’s eight or so at the movie theater. Do you really expect me to believe they couldn’t find a home for adorable, sweet, smart little three year old Emma? My sister would have adopted a little girl like that in a heartbeat! She wouldn’t have cared that she was three. We’re told that Emma kept running away, but at three? 

No way little Emma was incapable of being adopted. I just don’t buy it. Since adopted kids have issues even in loving homes, why couldn’t that have been the writer’s narrative? Couldn’t Emma’s adoptive parents simply died at some point? In my opinion, the whole thing was just lazy writing.

[themangledsans0508]

Lumberjanes Cafe AU: Cup of Coffee

“You know Mal, I think you’re the queen of coffee.” Mal rolled her eyes. 

“April, I’m just following the recipe.” The redhead leaned against her fist on the counter, smiling at Mal. 

“C’mon Mal, just admit you’re royalty.”

“April, it’s literally from a machine,” Mal laughed, “nice try, but you’re still not getting a free coffee.” April grumbled, rummaging through her pockets. She dropped a few dimes and two dollars onto the counter. 

“The usual, but I’ll get that free coffee eventually.” Mal laughed.

“Maybe on your birthday.” April’s ears perked up. She looked around the cafe briefly before turning to Mal again. “Can I stay up here? It’s basically empty in here.” Mal sighed.

“As long as Rosie doesn’t see, sure.”

“Rosie is really chill though,” April stated. Mal looked up from her machine.

“I don’t want to risk it. Remember when the old manager came by while you and Jo were up here?” April scoffed.

“That’s an angry old grizzly, anyways she’s not the one in charge here. The CEOs are calm too.” Mal laughed.

“We’re a local company, the grannies don’t ever come down to visit. Also, calling them CEOs makes it sound like we’re a big company. And don’t forget about Jen.”

“Got a point there,” April said. Mal turned to the machine and continued to pour the coffee, while April messed with things on the counter. “But CEO is a position held in every business, not just big ones.” Mal rolled her eyes.

“Okay, where’d you learn that?” she asked.

“Google.”

Mal laughed. A bell caused her to stop. The bell was connected to the door, and rung whenever someone entered or exited. She looked over. A tall woman stood in the doorway.

She had long blonde hair, tucked behind her in a braid. Her eyes were green and darted around, taking everything in. She wore a green shirt that had sleeves that went just below her elbows. Her tan cargo shorts looked empty asides from her hands that sought refuge in them. She seemed to be about the same age as Mal and April, and the bags under her eyes screamed that she was in college. She slowly approached the counter.

“Could I have one decaf vanilla latte please?” Her voice was soft and quiet, like she was trying to speak as loud as she could in a whisper. 

“Comin’ right up!” Mal flashed a smile, and got straight to work. She heard April attempting to strike up a conversation with the blonde, beginning with introducing herself.

“Rats! That reminds me. Can I get a name for that latte?”

“Molly.” The girl blushed. 

“My name is Mal, your order will be right up!” Mal could see April’s grin out of the corner of her eye as she went back to work. April went right back to her self-assigned job, which was interacting with customers and occasionally accidentally scaring them off. 

Mal worked swiftly, maybe more than she normally did. She wanted to give her the latte as fast as possible, she didn’t like to keep pretty girls waiting. However, as much as she thought the woman is the shop was pretty, she wasn’t bold. While it crossed her mind for a split-second, to write her number on the cup, she didn’t know anything about Molly asides from her name. She also wasn’t into cliches like April was.

She put the order on the counter and hit the bell.

“One decaf vanilla coffee!” she announced. She knew she didn’t need to, there were maybe two other customers in the shop so just ringing the bell would have been enough, but it was a habit.

Plus, she liked to be a little extra.

Molly walked to the counter, fishing out a small damaged leather wallet. 

“S-so how much will it be?”

Mal mentally slapped herself. She was supposed to ask for the money upfront with the order itself, not the drink or food. She had gotten too distracted. Dummy. She pushed the mental insults away, she didn’t have time during work.

“Three dollars,” Mal smiled. Molly took out a few crumpled bills, counted them, and put them on the counter. She gave a shy smile and hurried out of the store. Mal counted the money to see if there wasn’t enough (she was willing to pay a dollar to help a customer out) and saw that instead of two or three, there were four.

She debated for a second, take the extra or put it in the register? Was it a tip or an accident? April looked over the counter and immediately recognized the mental debate in her friend.

“What’s up?” she asked.

“She overpaid,” Mal stated.

“Accidental? Maybe it was a tip?”

“I don’t know April, she didn’t say anything.”

“She barely said anything anyways, I think it was a tip.”

“Why would she tip a cafe worker?” Mal questioned “it’s not like we do anything. We just make drinks and give people their morning donuts.”

“Well maybe she thought you went fast so you deserved extra,” April said “maybe she thought you were just pretty.” Mal blushed at that statement.

“Doubt it.”

“So, are you gonna take it?” Mal hesitated.

“Sure, what’s a dollar to the grand baristas?”

~

When Mal’s shift ended at last, she headed back to her dorm. She was a freshman in college, and she hadn’t chosen a major. She couldn’t decide on something, she didn’t know what she wanted to do or become. April, her dorm mate and best friend, was majoring in women and gender studies. She wasn’t sure why, and neither was April. When asked, she simply said: “women and other genders? Sounds cool to me.”

Mal tossed her bag onto her bunk and grabbed clothes to change into. She walked into the bathroom and not a minute after she shut the door she heard it swing open and slam into the wall.

“MAL WASN’T SHE PRETTY?” Oh no.

“APRIL I’M CHANGING I’LL TALK IN A MINUTE.” Mal didn’t know why she shouted whenever the door was closed, she figured she subconsciously thought it would help her be heard better, but she knew the walls in the dorm rooms themselves were thinner than a piece of paper and not insulated. 

She exited the bathroom and saw the mark from the door handle hitting the wall had gotten bigger. She figured it was only a matter of time before they could see through the wall into the hallway.

“Wasn’t she pretty Mal?” April’s voice was lower than it was when she first came in, perhaps because they were now in the same room.

“Yes, she was pretty, but we’ll probably never see her again,” Mal mumbed.

“You should’ve taken your chance when you had it.” Mal rolled her eyes.

“I’m not like that April, you know that. I want to hang out with the person a bit before I ask them out. Plus, we don’t even know if she liked girls.”

A few moments of silence passed between them.

“You’re right Mal, but I’ll find you a girlfriend someday.” Mal laughed.

“Good luck.”

~

The blonde woman, Molly, had completely faded from Mal’s mind as she returned to work the next day. She checked to make sure everything was in order, the tables were cleaned, and they had the adequate amount of supplies. Finding everything to be in order, she opened the shop and stepped behind the counter, ready to tackle the first hour without her co-workers. 

It was five minutes before her first customer arrived. A regular to the cafe, she would come to the cafe early in the morning and not long before closing.

“The usual Wren?” she nodded.

“Extra dark today. Got a class in about half an hour.”

“Ouch. At seven forty-five? What class is it?”

“Physcology.”

“Gotcha. It’s coming right up.” Mal got right to work.

The hours passed, but they weren’t long or tedious. Mal enjoyed her job. Her co-workers came and went but after the first shift there was always at least one other person there with her. The door opening and closing, the ringing bell and the humming coffee machine blending together.

It was around 3 o’clock that she got grounded into reality during her shift.

Normally it was Hes who took her out of “the zone”. She would arrive at seven and work with Mal until the end of the day, except Mondays. They would make small chat during the day but nothing big or to really grab Mal’s attention. They had never really hung out outside of work, but she was friends with Jo so they saw each other often.

The door opened and the bell rang and Mal threw up her generic “hi! What can I get you today?” However a green shirt with a blonde braid grabbed her attention. She looked up to the customers face and recognized it. She racked her brain for her name. Mary? Marnie? Molly. 

“Umm. One vanilla coffee, please.” Mal gave her a smile and got straight to work.

After she received her order and handed Mal the money she hurried out of the store and Mal checked to make sure the amount was right. She was surprised to see that there was an extra dollar once again. She decided to put it in the register today.

~

This cycle continued for almost a month. On slower days, Mal and Molly would engage in banter. When April was there, she would too. She began to learn more about the once mysterious woman. She hailed from Washington DC, and wouldn’t explain why she came to the overgrown state for college, but did imply she wished to stay there after school. She explained she was majoring in wildlife science, and going to a different college that was still nearby.

One early morning, after the usual rush had filed out, Mal and Hes were cleaning their station and chatting.

“So, Mal, who’s that girl who keeps coming to see you?” Mal shrugged.

“Her name is Molly. She’s a newer regular.” Hes nodded.

“She seems to like you.” Mal’s back stiffened.

“Doubt it,” she muttered, “don’t even know if she’s gay.” Hes raised an eyebrow.

“Why don’t you ask?” Mal laughed coarsely.

“Really? I can’t do that. What about that girl who comes to see you? Why don’t you ask her out?” Hes blushed.

“You know what? I’ll do it if you do.” Hes smirked confidently. Mal weighed the pros and cons of what she intended to do next. If she accepted Hes’s challenge, she could get Hes with her crush, but she’d also have to ask out Molly. 

“Fine. Next time they come in?” Hes looked a bit surprised for a second, but then determined.

“Yes, but if you chicken you gotta pay for my date.” Mal laughed.

“If you get one! If you chicken, you got to pay for mine.” Mal put on a false air of confidence, but she was nervous. She wasn’t going to bail out, she didn’t have the money to pay for Hes’s date if she did get one. Two, she also wanted to see if maybe, just maybe, Molly would say yes.

~

The next day when Molly came in Mal hadn’t really thought about how to ask her, only that she would. Molly ordered her usual, and went to take a seat. Mal noticed she seemed a bit off, compared to how comfortable she had become in the shop lately. It wasn’t that it was busy, there was someone asleep on a table with their laptop humming and another person writing down something in a notebook. Mal looked at the cup she had picked up to put the coffee in and decided how she would do it.

She reached over and picked up the sharpie she used to write names on the cups. She tried to steady her hand and finish the word she had started. Cutie. She continued her writing onto a napkin. Would you be interested in going out sometime? Text me. She wrote her number and hesitated for a second. She could back out, this was her last chance.

She took a deep breath and filled the cup.

She decided that instead of calling out that the order was up, she’d walk it over. She carefully made her way across the shop, trying to steady her whole body from shaking. She carefully put it down on the table and smiled weakly. She started reaching for her wallet but Mal stopped her.

“I-it’s on the house,” she blushed. Molly smiled.

“Thank you.”

Mal walked back to her counter and tried to avoid staring at her to see her reaction. The bell rung just in time as Mal watched her notice the writing. Hes patted her shoulder.

~

Mal read over her essay for what had to be the seventh time. She frowned. Something seemed wrong with it but she couldn’t put her finger on it. Maybe she’d ask Jo to read it over. She heard her phone buzz and snapped her attention to it. Grabbing it, she tried to keep her hopes down in case it wasn’t Molly.

H - did it

M - you did? what did she say?

H - she said yes. has she texted you yet?

M - nope

H - ouch. good luck with that. See you tomorrow

Mal groaned and put her phone onto the table. She looked at the clock hanging above their door.

8:56

Damn. She put her hands on her head and looked at the desk. She was right. She wasn’t gay, and even if she was, she didn’t like her. It wasn’t like she had made a bet with anyone that she was going to win, she just felt like crap.

BTZZZZ

She looked at her phone and saw a number instead of a name.

Is this Mal?

She snatched the phone and typed like lightning.

Yes, it is. Who is this?

She let her hopes up a little bit.

This is Molly. Do you still want to meet up sometime?

Yeah, would you like to?

I’d love to.

Check out my wattpad for more!

[taylorswiftreadmydiary13]

I’ve completely gotten lost. Aimlessly sidetracked.

This is my lover

This is my person. The love of my life. The place where my heart lives.

The one I would marry with paper rings, every single time. The one I let get away once, but know that in the end it’s a fight we are gunna win.

I’d move mountains, spin the world the other way, cross oceans for this man. I’ve loved him for half my life. From the very first time our eyes locked. This love came back to me.

August 25, 2020 update Illicit affairs 

part one: Mike

Do you ever stop to think about how your choices and decisions ricochet and impact others unsuspectingly? For me... I had a love. I had two children with this man of mine. We rarely fought, but when we did... it was always because exes of his with other motives wanted to “catch up,” for me, that was a hard line that no one should cross. I had been cheated on too many time to want to deal with those people, or be that person. Especially now that I had children, those were games that younger people should be playing if played at all. 

I remember one day you came home and wanted to tell me that you had just apparently realized that you were a smart ass, because Jen said so. This is something that was not new news to literally ANYONE who knows you. So you proceeded to tell me the story about how rude you were to another apprentice at work. & you were texting Jen about it. I asked why you even had her number? Because you were working together and you needed to call or text to tell others when or when not to stop. She was “one of the guys,” none of the men at work looked at her that way, you said. Plus, you added “she was trailer trash & I had nothing to worry about.” I voiced my opinion and said that she had no business texting you when you were not at work. 

I remember you graduation, and her barging her way between us all, while your entire family, the kids and I were standing in line. more specifically, she walked right between you and I... and your head turned to watch her walk away. The look on your face infuriated me. I almost slapped you. I almost made us all leave- fuck your graduation. You wouldn’t have done ANY OF THAT with out me... not with a child. Our house was ALWAYS clean, dinner was ALWAYS made, your laundry always done & folded away. One girl, one boy. It’s haunting to me how songs I heard as a 3rd grader that stuck with me like Dixie chics “He’s 2 and she’s 4, and you know they adore you... so how can I tell them that you’ve changed your mind?” haunted me for generations. Trains “one that’s 5 and one that’s 3, been 2 years since he left me.” whyyyy did those lyrics echo in my mind years and years before, foreshadowing exactly what was to come?

Christmas work party, same thing.. I saw you two talking across the room. You “just happened to bump into each other.” she’s a chain smoker, something you detest. You tell me stories about how one of the other guys at works gets blow jobs from her in the parking lot on lunch break, were you really telling me about what you two were doing, or were you just taking sloppy seconds? 

Look at this God forsaken mess that you made me!

the night before our son turned one, his first birthday party you were “at the gym” passed out in the parking lot. You were lying. you were cheating on me for over a year. After my father passed away. Finally telling me that my weight gain was a problem for you. But I didn’t see you helping me at all, you never took the kids for a few hours so I could go on a run, what did you do for me? 

That’s the thing about illicit affairs... stolen stares, they show their truth ONE single times. & they lie and they lie and they lie a million little times. Your new relationship is built upon a million little lies. If she cheats with you, she will cheat on you. And just so you know, as fast as he left me & his children he will leave you EVEN faster for the next skinny girl that comes along. If you haven’t noticed, it’s great and freeing to not have any “baggage’ holding you down. She fights you whenever the kids take time away from you. She fights you about me... still. To this day. foundation built on a million little lies. 

part 2: Adam

You know me. You’ve know me for years. We dated... we lost touch. We got back in touch, we kept in contact. Wished each other well when our lives took off with others. When our children were born. Nothing but love for each other, always. You found this video of this woman who was an artist... years before she had left the love of her life somewhere. She’s meeting with people and staring into their eyes for a minute. A million strangers, one minute at a time. Then she locks eyes with the lover that she lost all those years ago... and they lock eyes again- it was the most powerful and magical video and feeling that I have ever witnessed in my entire life. It’s the way we would lock eyes with each other oh so many years ago. You said you hoped that it would be our story. 

https://youtu.be/mEcqoqvlxPY

One night I received a call from you, after 5 plus years of not hearing from you. I thought someone must have died because you called repeatedly until I answered. At the time I was pregnant with my first child. It was actually the only night Mike and I had ever spent apart our entire relationship. timing... was it fate? You told me that you were sorry for how we ended. How you would tell your grandkids one day that the love of your life was me. A Californian girl that you were too stupid to not fight for. You told me that every night when you see the moon and the stars you think of me, and you wish and hope that I know and feel that you still love me, and pray that I think of you when I see the moon and stars, too. It was the most romantic thing that had ever happened to me. I remember wishing that every single girl in their life gets a phone call like that. You said “Bella, when you see the moon and stars, I want you to know that I’m looking at it too and thinking of you, and that no matter where you are in the world... know that I LOVE YOU with all my heart, and I will until my last breath.”

You were my best friend 3 states away; you were there for me when I was breaking up with Mike. You came to California to see me. You told me I was the love of your life; that you were already in contact with a lawyer to divorce Volde (short for Vodlemort) you told me all about how awful she was, not supportive. I tried to be the voice of reason. to coach you through different ways of communicating with her, to save your marriage. You said you did therapy and nothing changed. I told you that if I could go back in time, I wish that mike would have just been honest with me. If you’re not happy- say something. Before it’s too late. Before you cheat and take everything to the next level. You told me that you moved to the first floor- I saw your room. I saw the boxes,.. the text messages. We FaceTimed enough to me to feel like you weren’t lying to me about any of it. but 3 states away and both of us with kids- we were best friends and nothing more. what more could we be? 

You were the one who said that you wanted two years. Two years and you would be divorced and move out to California to be with me. My childhood best friend happened to move to the town next to yours... and she paid for me to come visit. I had no intentions of seeing you, of meeting up. But YOU made a point of ensuring that it would happen. I said lets meet for coffee. You asked me to meet you at a local soccer field, you wanted me to see where you grew up playing and where you would go when you missed me most. I agreed, but that we would go straight for coffee then lunch. You had nothing else to do for the day and asked if you could invite yourself over for BBQ and such. I didn’t think it would be a good idea, drinks and time alone with you would leave me too vulnerable. 

we get to the soccer field and we hugged for 17 minutes! and then you kissed me and told me how much you missed me. I asked what was the deal with you and volde, you said you got your own apartment with your brother since he divorced his wife. So I let that kiss lead to more. I let you in.. too easily.. I had no regrets and felt like everything that had led me to that point in time was an invisible string leading me back to you! 9/1/18, we saw each other for the next 3 consecutive days until I flew back home. I came to visit again not long after that. we were constantly on the phone, FaceTime, and texting. we spent hours just loving each other from near and far... Hours together just tied up under the sheets, hours on end with out going out to eat. hours just basking under the sun picnicking and cuddling near the river. 

I was in a full fledged long distance relationship, waiting for this man to tie up “his loose ends” until he would move here to be with me. We talked about everything, we talked ALL the time. So how I missed any warning signs is beyond me, and how you fooled me into be the OTHER woman is beyond me. Because you weren’t separated, you weren’t living in an apartment with your brother. That first day we reconnected, was your wedding anniversary! Who does that. I hated myself... for allowing anyone to ever make me that person that I have hated more than anything in the world. I would never ruin a family. I would never cheat with anyone. 

I never felt like I was stealing stares, or clandestine meetings. 

Don’t call me kid, don’t call me baby. Look at this God forsaken mess that made me. You showed me colors you know I can’t see with anyone else. Don’t call me kid, don’t call me baby, look at this idiotic fool that you made me. you taught me a secret language I can’t speak with ANYONE ELSE. And you know damn well, that I would ruin myself a million little times. 

I would’ve lied for you. I would’ve protected you had you just be honest with me. But you made me out to be the bad person, you did that to not only me, but to your wife and your kids and for that... I will never forgive you. 

[jennycalendar]

imperfections (58/?)

read it on ao3!

warning for very brief violence in this chapter.

For a brief, petulant moment, Jenny had opened the door and contemplated dramatically storming outside. But it was close enough to sunset to give her pause, and as angry as she was, she still had enough presence of mind not to go out without any weapons when it was getting dark out. Clenching her fists, she hurried upstairs instead, striding down the hallway and entering the master bedroom before shutting the door tightly behind her.

In their old house, the bedroom had originally been just Jenny’s, and squeezing Rupert in had been a little difficult. In comparison, this bedroom was huge, with enough room for Jenny’s desktop computer as well as a bookshelf for Rupert. Light from the setting sun was streaming in through the sheer curtains, giving the room a calming, cozy glow.

Jenny swallowed, scrubbing at her face. Distance was giving her clarity, enough for her to realize that she’d been very unfair to Rupert. She didn’t ever like it when he tried to keep things from her for her protection—it reminded too much of his leaving her that summer—but there was a difference between him withholding information and him saving it for when she was a little more ready to hear it. She’d have to tell him that.

That, she thought, smiling wryly, and that he’s a saint for putting up with me.

She knew she hadn’t been wrong about Travers, though. Rupert would have been less evasive had she been genuinely off base. In a weird way, that comforted her; at least she’d been right about something during their argument. She did agree that any further conversations about the Council really would have to wait until she was a little less of a mess, though, and she should probably tell him that he’d been right about that.

Jenny turned to open the door, but it was yanked open before she could turn the doorknob. Without preamble, Willow said, a note of badly restrained panic in her voice, “Ms. Calendar, the door’s open downstairs and Giles’s glasses are lying on a street corner—”

And for the first time since Rupert’s official return to Sunnydale, Jenny found her sense of safety completely shattered.

Buffy had already had kind of a terrible day, what with Creepy Travers talking about Giles like he was some kind of a total failure and leaving her Slayer-senses tingling when he headed out. Coming home to find out that her dad wouldn’t be making their annual Ice Capades trip—for her eighteenth birthday, no less—took the cake, but she took some comfort in getting out a tub of ice cream, watching old movies with her mom, and telling herself that at least the day was over.

And then there was a knock on the door.

“Ugh,” said Buffy, pausing the movie. “Mom?”

“On it,” said her mom, leaning to press a kiss against Buffy’s temple. “You just focus in on that ice cream.”

“I love you,” said Buffy, giving her a small, tired smile and watching as her mom left the room.

She heard the sound of her mom opening the door, and then her mom said, “I’m sorry, do I know you?”

“Mrs. Summers?” said Travers. “I need to speak to your daughter. It’s a matter of—”

That was it. “I AM OFF THE CLOCK, I AM WATCHING OLD MOVIES WITH MY MOM, AND IF YOU DON’T GO AWAY I WILL THROW YOU THROUGH A WALL,” Buffy shouted at the top of her lungs.

To her dismay, Travers didn’t take this threat as seriously as he should have. Squeezing past her mom, he stepped into the doorway, observing Buffy and her flamingo-print pajamas with disapproval. “Miss Summers, your Watcher is in danger,” he said without preamble.

It took Buffy a moment to realize what he meant. “Giles?” she said stupidly. “But Giles quit—”

“Mr. Giles has been taken by a master vampire by the name of Kralik,” said Travers, “one residing in the old boardinghouse on Prescott Lane. Kralik was initially intended to take part in the Cruciamentum, but…” He trailed off, looking remorseful. “It appears we have lost control of him.”

Buffy had to resist the very strong urge to punch Travers in the face with all her Slayer strength. “So you’re telling me,” she said through gritted teeth, “that you shipped a master vamp over to Sunnydale and didn’t think anything would go wrong?”

“Kralik has participated in Cruciamentums before—”

“Oh, and is that supposed to make me feel better?” Buffy snapped. “That he’s killed other girls you drugged and tossed in for him to snack on?” Stepping into her bunny slippers, she shoved past Travers, knocking him sideways onto the couch. “Mom,” she said, turning to face her mom, “stay here. I need to go get Giles.”

“Absolutely not,” said her mom.

Buffy stared. “Mom?” she said, infuriated. “Did you not hear the part where Creepy Travers said Giles is in danger?”

“And I completely agree that you need to go after him,” said her mom firmly, “and that time is of the essence. But I won’t have you running in after a, a master vampire all on your own. I’m calling Ms. Calendar.”

Buffy thought of the pale, wordlessly terrified look on Ms. Calendar’s face upon seeing Angelus. “No,” she said. “No, Mom—Ms. Calendar would completely lose it if she knew Giles was in danger. Call Faith and tell her to meet me at the boardinghouse, but don’t tell Ms. Calendar.”

Her mom pressed her lips together in a thin line, but nodded.

For some reason, Travers looked incredibly bothered. “Time, Miss Summers, is of the essence,” he said shortly. “You can hardly waste it calling Miss Lehane, now, can you?”

“Exactly,” said Buffy. “That’s why my mom’s doing it for me.” Without waiting for an answer from Travers, she grabbed her bag of weapons from its place by the door, hurrying out of the house and trying to ignore the squeak-squeak of her bunny slippers against the gravel. There was no time for an outfit change, not when Giles was in danger.

As Joyce turned to make the phone call, Travers coughed. “Pardon, Mrs. Summers,” he said, “but is the front door still open?”

Glaring at him, Joyce put the phone down, crossing the room to shut the door. Quietly, Travers took a pocketknife and cut the phone line.

“This isn’t good,” said Willow for the seventeenth time. “This isn’t good.”

Faith was extremely inclined to agree. It would have been one thing if it had been dark out when Giles had gone missing, but it was only a minute after sunset that Willow had found his glasses. Whatever had snatched Giles hadn’t been a vampire, and adding that to the fact that it had happened on the day the Watchers’ Council was in town equaled an extremely angry Jen. One who was currently turning the house upside down looking for pretty much every weapon available.

So, yeah. Not good.

“Where the FUCK is the MOTHERFUCKING BROADSWORD,” shouted Jen from the kitchen, in a tone of voice that made Faith’s stomach flip over. She’d seen Jen frightened, upset, sad, but she had never seen Jen angry in this way before, and it was bringing back memories of…other people from long ago, ones who had been kind one minute and angry the next.

Jen isn’t like that, said a small, firm voice, one that Faith had only recently learned to trust. Carefully, she got up, heading into the kitchen to check in on Jen. “Hi,” she said uncertainly. “You need help demolishing the house, or—”

Jen turned. Her eyes were still flashing with rage, but she seemed to be trying to keep it under wraps for Faith’s sake, which was somehow more comforting than Jen immediately calming down upon seeing her. “You keep weapons in your room, right?” she said. “Can you bring a few down for me? I wanna test the weight.”

“Look, whatever took Giles probably isn’t something you can kill—” began Faith.

“Yes,” said Jen flatly. “It absolutely is.”

Okay. So much for comfort. “So you’re not going after Giles?” said Faith tentatively.

Jen laughed, a short, semi-hysterical sound that didn’t sound like Jen at all. “Of course I’m going after Giles!” she said. “I’m just going to kill Quentin Travers first, and personally, right after I find out where that bastard took my boyfriend! I think that sounds like a damn good plan—”

“Jen,” said Faith, and to her horror, she couldn’t hide the tremor in her voice. “You’re scaring me.”

Apparently, those were the magic words. The scorching fury in Jen’s expression dissipated, and she drew in a soft, sharp breath. “I’m sorry,” she said weakly. “I—”

Faith wanted to say something comforting, but all of a sudden she just felt scared, and really, really sad. “Giles is gonna be okay, right?” she said, hating the fact that she was suddenly so near tears. “He’s always okay, right? We just have to find out where he is and it’ll all—” She wiped roughly at her face. “It’ll all be okay, right, Jen?”

Jen made a strangled noise that sounded like she was trying not to cry too, which pretty much answered Faith’s question. Crossing the kitchen, Jen pulled her into a tight hug.

“We gotta find—” Faith sniffled. “We need to find where he is.”

“Yeah,” Jen whispered.

“We’re gonna go find him now, right?”

“You and me,” Jen agreed.

“And us.”

Jen turned, and Faith looked up: Willow and Xander were standing in the kitchen doorway, weapons in hand. “No,” said Jen. “You two can’t—”

“Oh, so you guys are allowed to go charging in after Giles but we have to stay at home and watch cartoons?” Willow objected. “What happened to involving us in things like these? Wasn’t that what we were trying to do last summer?”

“Ms. Calendar,” said Xander, “if Giles is dead, you’re gonna have to—”

“Don’t fucking say that!” Faith shouted at Xander, and she might have punched him in the teeth if she wasn’t so afraid of letting go of Jen.

Jen stared at the kids, glassy-eyed. Unsteadily, she said, “Faith is a Vampire Slayer who does this kind of thing every night. She can come with me because I know she will be safe, because she is able to take care of herself in these situations, because she’s been gifted with powers that allow her to keep herself safe and, yes, outrun a threat if need be. I am an adult, and I am old enough to make these decisions for myself.”

“We’re close enough to adults to—” Willow began, outraged.

“If Rupert is dead,” said Jen, and stopped. She swallowed, then tried again. “If Rupert is dead,” she said. “There is no way I can survive losing one of you.” And her arms tightened around Faith in a way that made it clear that Faith was very much included in that statement.

Faith knew even before looking at Xander and Willow that Jen had won the argument. She knew what it was like to have shitty parents, and she knew how it felt to have Jen look at you like you were someone worth protecting.

“Don’t get yourself killed,” said Willow, near tears, and handed over the broadsword.

Jen and Faith headed to Buffy’s house in Giles’s car, Jen flooring the gas in a way that probably would have gotten her like ninety-seven speeding tickets in a normal town. No smart cops were ever out at night, though—hell, no one was ever out at night—and so they didn’t get into any auto accidents en route to Buffy, though Jen did very narrowly miss hitting a tree.

Halfway to Buffy’s, Faith noticed something odd: another car, driving similarly recklessly, with a familiar driver at the wheel. “Wait, Jen, stop,” she said.

As soon as she saw the driver, Jen obliged, the screech of the brakes causing the other car to stop as well. Jumping out of the car with Jen at her heels, Faith sprinted across the street to yank the car door open. “Mrs. Summers?” she said. “What the hell are you doing out at night?”

“My phone line was cut by the Watchers’ Council,” said Mrs. Summers, her voice shaking. “Buffy’s gone to the boardinghouse on Prescott Lane. Mr. Travers said Rupert’s been taken by a master vampire—”

“That FUCKING BASTARD,” shrieked Jen, and made a mad dash for Giles’s car.

Giles, unfortunately, had been conscious for absolutely all of the proceedings. The lower-tier Council members had tied him up, placed him in a room, and left. They had used magic to undo Kralik’s straitjacket and create the protective wards that would ensure no one outside the house could be hurt.

And now Giles was tied to a chair, facing a master vampire. Alone, with Jenny and the children well unaware of his predicament. Not only that, but the institution to which he had pledged decades of loyalty and trust had decided to use him as a chess piece in a battle they weren’t even fighting themselves. The hypocrisy and lies that had led him here made him feel sick to his stomach, even without the horrible fear.

He was going to die, here. He knew that. Kralik was looking at him with a calculating interest, stepping forward with a broad silver knife, and all Giles was thinking was—of the dishes he hadn’t done, the paperwork he wouldn’t file, the woman he loved, the children he had wanted to see grow up.

I lived well this last year, at least, he thought, and as Kralik’s knife dug into his throat, he closed his eyes tightly shut.

[useyourrwords]

January in Review // I Cried, Laughed, Ate Pasta, Celebrated My Birthday & Completed TWO Read-A-Thons/Challenges

January was…A lot.

This past month has been crazy, to say the least. A lot of highs and a lot of lows but I’m getting through it so that’s something!

January contained so much in such a short time that I still can’t believe it’s over!

        January’s TBR

Guys, I completed not one, but two read-a-thon/challenges this month! For someone who hasn’t participated in any before I count that as a double win!

I participated in the Late-A-Thon hosted by Destiny @ Howling Libraries and JanJamJar from the Devour Your TBR Goodreads group!

  I was able to combine them both by using a TBR jar with the ARCs I wanted to catch up on in it.

So the books I put in my January TBR are all the books I put in the Jar.

I didn’t get all of them but I didn’t expect to.

│The Good Son│

│

│My Name is Victoria│

│

│Skylarks│

│

│Anger is a Gift│

│

│The Unbinding of Mary Reade│

│

│Rad Girls Can│

│

│The Boneless Mercies│

│

│What If It’s Us│

│

│Girls of Paper and Fire│

│

     Read

Emoji order – format-representation-challenges/readathons-reading status.

The TBR Jar really worked in my favour! And it was great catching up on so many ARCS!

Each book I pulled out came at the right time and I think I might continue with the Jar until I’ve caught up on the ARC’s I have left from 2018.

│The Unbinding of Mary Reade│

│

│

│

│★★│Read Jan 8│

This one was fairly disappointing. I wanted a whole lot more than it had to give.

│My Name is Victoria│Lucy Worsley│

│

│

│

│★★★│Read Jan 11│

I actually really liked the twist in this but god damn was most of it boring.

│The Good Son│You-Jeong Jeong│

│

│

│

│★★★│Read Jan 25│

I—this just wasn’t great and it mostly just made me angry. 

│Unbroken│Marieke Nijkamp│

│

│

│

I nearly finished this before the month was up but not quite.

│The Boneless Mercies│April Genevieve Tucholke│

│

│

│

│

This has been decent enough so far but I’m waiting for more.

Book of the Month

│Girls of Paper and Fire│Girls of Paper and Fire #1│Natasha Ngan│

│

│

│

│★★★★│Read Jan 21│

I loved it! It was so engaging for the most part!

│January Completed│ARC: 4│Owned: 0│Library Loans: 0│Reread: 0│Diversity: 4│Average Rating: 3★’s│

     Haul

│Vengeful│Villains│VE Schwab│

│

│

Nearly didn’t get this one because I accidentally sent it to the wrong address but I visited my neighbour and I got it!

This was a late Christmas present to myself!

│P.S. I Still Love You│To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before│Jenny Han│

│

│

│Always and Forever, Lara Jean│To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before│Jenny Han│

│

│

These were birthday presents to myself!

Past Grey Reads

 Book Review // Girl Made of Stars – I Am Broken

 Book Review // Everything Leads To You – A Quite Love Story

 Book Review // The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo – What Do You Mean She’s Not a Real Person???

        Film & TV

I’ve really not watched much at all because I just don’t have time! Or money!

I decided that the season 1 watch I did of Charmed was enough to give me the hit of nostalgia that I needed so I won’t be continuing it again anytime soon! I do want to get around to watching the remake soon though!

January’s TBW

│Mary Queen of Scots│

│

│How To Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World│

│

│Ralph Breaks the Internet│

│

│Charmed│

│

     Watched

│Mary Queen of Scots│

│2018│

 Josie Rourke│

 Saoirse Ronan, Margot Robbie, Jack Lowden│★★★★★│ Fave Part: Literally all of it, it was so well done. And I loved that they portrayed Mary and Elizabeth as two women pitted against each other by the men around them. 

I won tickets to see this at my local cinema so me and mum went and it was fucking brilliant!

│Hannibal│Season 2│

│2013│

 Bryan Fuller│

 Hugh Dancy, Mads Mikkelsen, Caroline Dhavernas│★★★★│ Fave Part: The fact it’s gotten more and more homoerotic.  

I watched the same four episodes about four times each because I needed a fucking break but was being stubborn.

Also, my coworker had time to rewatch every episode in the time it took me to watch those four properly. She has work AND Uni. I have no idea how she has time to do it???

│Drag Race All Stars│Season 4│

│2012│

 RuPaul│

RuPaul, Michelle Visage│★★★★│ Fave One-liner This Season: “Yeah, well some of us don’t have to force story-lines to get air time” -Farrah Moan.

Valentina has continued to live her full telenovela fantasy and it’s entertaining as fuck.

The judges need to stop sleeping on Naomi because the bitch is turning it out and they’re refusing to take notice… Except for maybe last week….But we don’t talk about that.

Manila is killing it as always and the period gown that she couldn’t wear on the show??? Iconic.

Also, I’m very excited to see Season 11!!!! So many queens that I’m looking forward to seeing!

│Jessica Jones│Season 1│

│2015│

Melissa Rosenberg│

Krysten Ritter, Rachael Taylor, Eka Darville│★★★★│ Fave character: Jessica obvs

I am struggling but only because the only time I have time to watch is when I’m fucking tired and ready for sleep. I’ll get there. 

│Dumplin’│

│2018│

Anne Fletcher│

Danielle Macdonald, Jennifer Aniston, Odeya Rush│★★★★★│ Fave part: The fact Bo didn’t like Will despite her being fat, he thought she was beautiful as is.

This so easily could have been terrible and you literally just have to look to last year to see just how easy it would have been but this was so good and special and respectful and I cried so much while watching it and fucking Ginger Minj was everything and this is everything I wanted Sierra Burgess is a Loser to be and I’m so glad I finally got it.

Also, I have a huge crush on Bex Taylor-Klaus. So there’s that.

│Derry Girls│Season 1│

│2017│

Lisa McGee│

Saoirse-Monica Jackson, Louisa Harland, Nicola Coughlan│★★★★│ Fave character: Orla

This show is so fucking funny. I was struggling not to laugh out loud while my mum was giving someone a massage.

│The Haunting of Hill House│Season 1│

│2018│

Mike Flanagan│

 Michiel Huisman, Carla Gugino, Henry Thomas│★★★★★│ Fave sibling: Theo

This show is brilliant like everyone talked about how good it was but I just didn’t have time and then I put it on one night and didn’t pay any attention to it at all. And then I put it on when I had a self-imposed mental health day and mum watched it with me and it was the best decision I’ve made in 2019 so far, to be honest.

I binged watched it in just three days which is huge for me because I haven’t been able to binge watch anything that isn’t just short 20 minute episodes in short season in months.

Oh, and I want Theo to top me.

     Youtube

I would say I need to stop watching YouTube because I watch so fucking much of it but I watch it while I’m doing other things like eating, doing housework, cooking and blogging. It’s the only way I can watch it without feeling guilty.

│VH1│Meet the Queens of RuPaul’s Drag Race Season 11│The Pit Stop: LaLaPaRUza w/ Katya│The Pit Stop: Jersey Justice ft. Kim Chi│

I am so ready for the new season!!!

Also, I love anything Katya and Trixie do.

And look at Kim Chi’s look, I die.

│Miz Cracker│Review With A Jew│

Review With A Jew has gotten PROFESSIONAL now and I just love Miz Cracker.

│Ladylike│Hot Takes—Jen Reveals Her Unpopular Opinion & Devin Reveals Her Unpopular Opinion│Kristen Goes to Montreal With No Clothes│

I am loving these hot takes because they’re just fun to watch and see the other ladies react as well!

I think the whole trip with no clothes challenge is a brilliant idea!!!

│Lily Marston│My Friends & I Read Your Assumptions About Me│15 Tools That Help My Neck & Back Pain│

I think the assumptions video trend is actually really a good idea because it allows creators to share a little bit more of themselves!

if you have chronic pain you’re gonna want to check out Lily’s video on the tools she uses to get relief!

│Buzzfeed Video│Mom In Progress—We Tried the 7-Day Vegan Challenge│

So in this video, they eat vegan cream cheese on toast with raspberries and it looked so delicious that I wanted to try it with other toppings. So now mum and I are obsessed with cream cheese and pepper smoked salmon on toast and I can’t stop.

Other toppings I’ve tried are;

 Mango and raspberry jam (because raspberries are pricey)

 Salami

 Tomatoes (with salt and loads of pepper)

 Shaved chicken (with salt and loads of pepper)

And next to try is peaches!

│Liza Koshy Too│The videos I never uploaded… until now│Why I took a break│

I love Liza and I love that she’s easing herself back into making videos again and so far I’ve loved them both!

│Chris Klemens│Telling Each Other What to Say to Strangers: Carly and Erin│

You need to watch this just to see Carly speak gibberish which honestly sounds like Simish and really did sound almost like another legit language.

│Sorted Food│Pass It On│

I will never not love this series. It’s YouTube whispers but cooking a meal.

│ElleOfTheMills│My Weight Loss│

I love anytime some talks openly about mental health and Elle is really delivering lately!

     Music

I’ve honestly barely listened to any music this month let alone any new music.

│Camila Cabello│Something’s Gotta Give│Inside Out│In the Dark│

│Madison Beer│Dead│

│The Greatest Showman Reimagined│Never Enough (Kelly Clarkson)│This Is Me (Kesha)│Rewrite the Stars (James Arthur & Anne-Marie)│

     Podcasts

│Race Chaser│

 Alaska Thunderfuck & Willam Belli│★★★★★│

│Sibling Rivalry│

 Bob The Drag Queen & Monet X Change│★★★★★│

│What The Tuck│

 Nicole Byers & Joel Kim Booster│★★★★★│

I don’t know how to not become obsessed with things and apparently, that means listening to all the podcasts to get the backstage Tea on All-Stars 4.

Past Grey Watches

 Grey Watches // I Wanna Bone Jude Law and Kate Winslet – The Holiday

 Grey Watches // It Has To Be A Shit Show – A Christmas Prince: The Royal Wedding

 Grey Watches // I Hate It So Much I Love It – A Christmas Prince

Blogosphere Highlights

│Krystin @ Here’s The Fucking Twist│ Top Ten: Mystery and Thriller Releases for Q1 2019!│

│Destiny @ Howling Libraries│BEST OF 2018: CONTEMPORARY!│

│Elise @ The Bookish Actress│ANOTHER 2018 FAVE, FINALLY REVIEWED! SAWKILL GIRLS BY CLAIRE LEGRAND│

│May @ Forever And Everly│My Most Anticipated YA Books Releasing January through July ft. a Lot of Asian Fantasies and Diverse Books in General!│

│Ellyn @Allonsythornraxxbooks│ HOW TO GET ON TOP OF YOUR NETGALLEY FEEDBACK RATIO│

│Silvia @Silvia Reads Books│All I Learned About Audiobooks: A Guide│

│Avery @Red Rocket Panda│HOW TO HYPE YOUR FAVOURITE READS│

│Abbiee @Abbiee│WRITING TIPS Transform a Messy Story Idea Into a Strong Outline (in 3 simple steps!)│

│Ilsa @A Whisper of Ink│How the HECK does one receive a physical ARC because I want one?! (I hear your cries and answer all your questions) Welcome to How To Request + Recieve ARCs│

│Simone @Simone and Her Books│My Review Process and Why I Write Reviews│

│Swetlana @The Caffeinated Bookworm Life│16 Blog Post Ideas To Help You Get Through (AT LEAST) A Month Of Blogging│

│Melanie @Mel To The Any│The Top 12 Books I Must Read in 2019│

Past Month In Review

 Month in Review // Christmas is Over Thank Fuck – December

 Month in Review // November – I Already Hate Christmas

 Month in Review // July, August, September & October – New Post Series!

January’s Goals

 Increase my walk time and maybe go for walks 6 days a week?

 Start doing some floor exercises like crunches.

I need an exercise ball which I have but I don’t know where the pump is and I keep forgetting to ask mum where it is.

 Read!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 Work out my new blogging schedule

 Start working on my WIP

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAH

 Fucking relax a bit

 Maybe finish editing all my past posts???

A Month of Mayhem

I spent my birthday out!!! My mum took me to get my hair cut, we did some shopping, she gave me a massage and some Reiki which I needed!!! And then we went to Fasta Pasta for dinner and it was delicious!!! Oh and I even took photos with mum and didn’t feel gross and have a new selfie I took with snapchat with the fox filter and I think it’s v cute!!!

The last few years I’ve always gotten books as presents for my birthday but mum told me I had too many unread books so I had to choose something else…So I chose things for my reading! Because of course.

I got a pair of noise-cancelling headphones so that I can continue to read or blog or write uninterrupted instead of getting distracted every time mum’s massage clients come and go. Except mum keeps forgetting to check if I have them on before she goes to have a full conversation with me. So when I realise she’s doing it I just turn and look at her and she notices the headphones. I’ve taken to moving one of the earphones off my ear when I notice she’s in the living room but I don’t always notice.

My mum also got me my first book sleeve from Etsy! I spent hours finding one I wanted that wasn’t super expensive but good quality! It’s spacey and I love it. It’s great timing since I’m going to be reading more of my owned physical books this year and I don’t want them to get damaged by the three drink bottles in my bag for work YES THREE!!! and two are 1-litre ones and my bag is heavy. I HAVE MY REASONS!!!

I also bought myself far too many animated movies, some books, a curler, some hair products so I can use the curler I have still not used any of it yet shhhh, and a fitbit!!!!

I mean the fitbit was definitely the most needed one for sure because now I can actually track how many steps I’m doing a day and I’ve been doing pretty good! I’m hitting 8000 steps most days and even hit my first 10000 steps on the 16th which was exciting!

I went and did my tax finally and now my tax debt thanks work for not taking the correct amount of tax out for several years! is down to a very manageable amount! So that’s a relief!

My sister brought my nephews around for a visit and nephew 3 nearly got bit by a spider but nephew 2 saved the day! Other than that the visit was good! I love them so much and Nephew 3 is starting to walk!!!

My mum treated me to get my nails done professionally for the first time ever and I love them. My nails look like bullets.

I discovered where I could buy cheap hazelnut syrup for my coffee and then when I went to buy it saw they also have dark chocolate syrup as well so basically I’m just drinking liquid Nutella.

And I have officially been on this blog for a year!!! I’m so thankful for this community and even just this blog being a lifeline and a thing to focus my attention on when things have been shit in my personal life. I’m so glad I can call myself a part of this community and I look forward to many more years being a part of it!

I lost my bank card while doing my food shopping which was not great and very inconvenient since a lot of the parking I pay for work is cheaper booking online! But whatever.

I had a few emotional moments throughout the month but it was mostly just me having a little cry and then moving on.

I visited my other sister which kind of didn’t go great, to begin with. There was a whole thing, I had an anxiety attack and suffered a bout of paranoia and cried a lot but it all worked out in the end.

Once I calmed down we went to get my phone upgraded (this was already the plan) because I am anxious, my mum is busy, and my sister knows a guy that works there so I got well looked after! But then I had to go back another day because they didn’t have the phone that I wanted in stock.

We came back to her house and played Overcooked on the PlayStation which is always fun for us and I was in much better spirits when I left!

Until the next day when I was a mess again.

Look, I’m really great at handling big life-changing things as they’re happening. It’s a trait I inherited from my mum. The whole world as we know it could end and it wouldn’t look like I even knew something had changed.

It’s like my brain will just put the BIG THING in a box and shove it under a few things until I’ve gotten through it and then it’ll bring it out and say “Remember this BIG THING??? Yeah, now you gotta process it. Have fun.” Which is great until there are several BIG THINGS waiting to be processed and then I get hit with them all at once, which happens most of the time.

So then I break down over seemingly small shit. Its very clearly SO MUCH FUN!!!

So basically I spent that whole day crying and anxious and paranoid and had to call my mum to help calm me down and then my new phone was ready to be picked up and I didn’t want to bother my sister to go with me and I knew I needed to do something on my own to prove to myself I’m not totally useless so I went and picked up my phone by myself! Thankfully the hard part was over I am an absolute pushover and will be talked into buying anything even if I don’t want it so I just had to go in, they transferred my stuff over to the new phone and I was done!

It went well, despite the fact that the guy was having difficulty transferring my stuff over but I think he was a little unnerved by how quiet I am in person and especially with people I don’t really know, and I hate being THAT customer so I tend to just sit patiently and try and get my brain to shut up.

He kept commenting on how quiet and patient I was and trying to get me to talk but I hate small talk because I never know what to say. When we were finished he said he hopes I’ll become a regular customer and if I have any problems to come in and he’ll help me out!

I also made an appointment that day to get my mental health plan done so I can go back to seeing my therapist which, clearly, I super need!!!

Oh, and I also even mentioned to someone I know from my last workplace that I’ve been wanting to learn how to play d&d but didn’t have anyone to teach me and she said that if a spot opened up on a campaign she’d let me know!!!!

At the end of the month, I took a mental health day with my mum. We stayed home all day and did the bare minimum and it was so good! I sat and watched the Derry Girls and then mum and I watched half of The Haunting of Hill House and we talked about what anxiety and depression and paranoia sound like in our head and talked a lot about mental health and it was just really lovely even though it was emotional and I cried.

I know it kind of sounds like this month was a bit of a downer but overall it really wasn’t and it also didn’t feel like that. For the most part, I was happy and motivated and got a good amount of reading done and was productive! I even cleaned out my car!

Sometimes it’s easy for me to focus on just the negatives but I have to remind myself that even though I had some downer moments I am nowhere near as consistently down as I was just a few months ago and that’s progress! I just have to keep focusing on my health, both physical and mental and talking to my mum when I’m sad and talking through my feelings. I say that like it’s the easiest thing in the world when I am in fact Queen Of Not Reaching Out.

Past Month Ahead

 Month Ahead // Happy Birthday To Me + Hiatus Announcement – January

 Month Ahead // December – I Already Hate It

 Month Ahead // November – New Post Series

January is done and dusted, bring on February!

What did you do this month? What did you read? What did you watch? What posts did you write that you’re super proud of?

│Blog│Goodreads│Instagram│Twitter│Tumblr│

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[atc74]

Small Battles

Summary: Jared struggles through his depression, closing off everyone in his life, except one. 

Word Count: 2684

Warnings: Depression, self-harm, this is angst and I am so sorry. Please do not read if this triggers you at all. 

Characters: Jared, OC Kimberly, Reader (Friend/Co-Star), Jensen

Written for: this request from @oneshoeshort:  Something angsty with Jared x Reader. I’ve been in the PadaTrashCan for a while now :3

A/N: No disrespect is meant to Jared or his family. This is a work of fiction, please regard it as such. This takes place circa 2008-2009-ish. Thank you so much to @ellen-reincarnated1967 and @impalaimagining for their patient guidance. Beta’d by @just-another-busy-fangirl.

(gif found on google - I know this is Sam, but let’s pretend it’s Jared)

“B-but we w-were s-supposed to be in this to-together,” Jared stuttered out through his tears. He had spent the last hour explaining to her how he was feeling and why he was seeing a therapist; how he wanted to hurt himself. He poured his heart out to her, wanting to be completely transparent in their relationship. Apparently that was only one sided.

“Jared, I can’t. I thought I could, but it’s too much. I’m so sorry,” Kimberly apologized, tears streaming down her own face. She removed her engagement ring and placed it in his hand, closing his fingers around it. “I hope you find the peace you’re looking for. I’m sorry I can’t be that for you.”

Through his blurred vision, he watched her walk out of his apartment and his life. He cried until he felt numb. He wanted to feel something, anything. His thoughts drifted to his shaving kit in the bathroom. He knew what was in there. Jared shook his mind to clear those thoughts; he didn’t want to think about that being the only way. In the darkness, the green light blinked on his phone, like a beacon in the night. He sighed and picked up the phone, unlocking it. His thumb hovered over the name until the screen dimmed. He took another ragged breath and pressed his thumb to the glass.

“I need you,” he whispered three shaky words.

“I’m on my way,” you promised. “Stay on the phone with me, Babe, okay?” He could hear the footsteps through the phone as you left your apartment two floors down.

It was one of the best things about living in Vancouver and working on Supernatural. Co-stars quickly became friends, then family. You, Jensen and Jared all lived in the same building, just on different floors. You often spent time in each other’s places when you were not filming.

You had started as a guest star on Supernatural in the second season. Your character was so well liked by the cast and crew, they quickly brought you back a few more times in season two and you were added as a regular in season three. You bonded with Jared and Jensen right away. Jensen treated you like family, like a sister and you fell in with him and his prank wars pretty quickly. Jared was just there whenever you needed something. He became your best friend and helped you get the apartment in their building.

You were diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety shortly after your eighteenth birthday. Your parents were embarrassed by your behavior and unsupportive on their best days. It wasn’t until you left home for college that you sought help for what you were dealing with. It didn’t get better right away, some days you think it actually got worse. The cutting continued for weeks until your therapist finally got through to you that you weren’t to blame for your problems, but you could learn how to control them and not let them control you. That was more than five years ago and although the struggle was constant, you knew you were a better person for it.

When Jared started withdrawing from you and Jensen, you recognized the signs immediately. He would disappear into his trailer for hours. His eyes were red and puffy from crying. He missed call times. One day in his trailer running lines, you used his lavatory and saw the drops of dried blood on the floor near the shower. You waited until he walked you to your door one night after filming and you told him about your own experiences and struggles. He opened up to you and you held him while he cried.

You sat huddled on the floor of your shower, a blade in your hand. It was just a few days before Christmas break and your parents called to tell you they were taking a cruise for the holidays so there was no point in you coming home. School was stressful, you had no friends, you had no one; not even your roommate cared about you. Now your parents, the people who had given you life, just reminded you that they couldn’t even be bothered enough to spend a holiday with you.

You felt you had no choice as you lowered the blade to your upper thigh. You wanted someone to care. You wanted someone to call when you felt like this. Someone who had a vested interest in you, but you didn’t. As you felt the cool metal break the skin, the blood bubbling to the surface, you heard your body sigh as the first signs of pressure were released with the blood. Every couple of minutes you sliced another section of skin. This went on until you could breathe easier, the pressure of every emotion you’d ever felt gone under the weight of the blade, at least for now.

You shuddered at the memory, glad you could be the person there for your friend, when no one had been there for you. You had vowed to Jared from day one, that he would never be alone. You knew how that felt and you were going to make damn sure he never did.

You wondered if his fiancee knew how bad it is. You had your own issues with Kimberly from the moment you met her. She seemed a little too shallow for someone like Jared, who is so full of life, so giving to everyone around him. She was an actress herself and like to make a show of hanging out on set, talking with the director and anyone she felt could help her further her career. Kimberly and Jared had been together since his days on Gilmore Girls, but it wasn’t until Supernatural was picked up for a couple seasons that she finally said yes when Jared proposed. You didn’t say anything to Jared even though you promised to always tell him the truth. Kimberly still lived in Los Angeles and she wasn’t there to see his everyday struggles. Your mind takes you back as you climb the stairs.

“Jared!” you pounded on the door. You had run up from your apartment when he didn’t answer the phone. Now you stood outside his door, praying to God he would answer. You had all left set at the same time last night, arriving home and crashing after a very long week of night shoots and freezing temps. You and Jared had plans to go to breakfast but when he didn’t pick up your call,  you knew something was wrong. You had called Jensen on your way up, but he didn’t answer either.

Your phone started ringing. “Jensen! I need the key to Jare’s apartment now!”

“I’m coming,” Jensen replied. You heard his door close and feet running down the hall above you. A moment later he appeared from the stairwell, key in hand. “What happened?”

“I don’t know, Jens. We had plans to go to breakfast but he isn’t answering. You know how he loves food, he never turns down a meal. I’m worried,” your voice was shaky as Jensen unlocked Jared’s door and you pushed your way inside, Jensen right on your heels.

“Jare! Babe, answer me, please,” you pleaded with him as you ran to his bedroom, but the room was dark and the bed empty. Jensen tried the bathroom door, but it was locked.

“Jared? It’s Jensen, Buddy. I need you to open the door, okay? Y/N and I are here and we just need to know that you’re okay,” Jensen urged him from outside the door. You listened carefully, hearing shuffling and sobbing from the other side.

“Jensen, just go. You can’t be here right now,” Jared’s broken voice sounded hollow, echoing off the tiled walls.

“I will call you as soon as I can, okay. He doesn’t want you to see him like this. It’s okay, Jens, I got him,” you comforted your friend as best you could, the look of fear and uncertainty evident on his face.

“Okay, kiddo. Just-just let me know he’s okay,” Jensen hugged you, passing you the key before he walked back down the hallway. You waited until you heard the front door shut before turning back to the bathroom door.

“Jare, Babe, it’s just me, okay. Jensen went back home. Will you please let me in?” you asked, your voice strong, but inside you were shaking, hoping you could help him this time.

You heard the lock on the door release and you pressed your hand against the door, easing the handle down and slipping inside when it opened. You shut it firmly behind you and locked it again, just to give Jared the assurance that no one else was in the room with you. You slid to the floor next to him.

“I can’t stop, Y/N,” Jared cried into your shoulder as you wrapped your arms around him. It had been a couple weeks since you had confided in Jared about your own struggles. A couple weeks since you had introduced him to your therapist and outwardly he seemed to be doing better; he seemed a little lighter than he had been in the previous months. You knew it was a constant struggle.

“I know, Babe. It is going to take some time. But I need you to talk to me, okay? You can always talk to me,” you rubbed your hands up and down his bare back and sides, trying to enforce your words with actions. You felt something wet and pulled your hand away.

“Jare, we need to get you cleaned up, okay? Let’s get you in the shower,” you made a move to stand, but his strong arms kept you from moving.

“Not yet,” he sniffed into your shoulder. “I just need you.”

“Okay, okay. But you gotta let me clean them, okay?” you prodded and felt him nod and he released you. You turned and grabbed the first aid kit from the bottom drawer and moved behind him, pushing down the waistband of his boxers and grab a towel.

Jared had a tendency to cut himself on his hips, just under the elastic of his undergarments where no one would see. He lifted his hips and removed his boxers and you gently laid the towel across his lap, covering him up. You got to work cleaning up the blood still trickling from the four cuts he had made across his hip.  You quickly got them cleaned and bandaged. You pulled the towel around his waist and tugged on his arm to encourage him to stand. Once he was upright, he tied the towel tighter around his waist and you unlocked the door, gently guiding him back to his room.

You grabbed him a clean pair of boxers and handed them to him, making yourself busy with the bed so he could slip them on. You heard the towel hit the floor and you walked back to him, holding out your hand and he reached for it. You lead him back to his bed and he crawled in, curling into himself. You got in behind him, one arm behind his head, carding through his hair, the other tucked firmly around his chest. You both laid there in silence until Jared drifted off to sleep.

You waited a few minutes until you were sure he was out, then eased yourself out from behind him. You went back to the bathroom to get the medication the doctor had prescribed him, then to the kitchen for water. You called Jensen from the kitchen.

‘Y/N? How is he?” Jensen was frantic.

“He’s not good Jens,” you were truthful. “He doesn’t want you to see him like this. He feels you’ll think he is weak and he needs to know that you respect him.”

“Christ, kid. Why didn’t someone tell me it was this bad? Why didn’t he come to me? I’m his best friend!” Jensen was shouting now. You knew he was upset, but he also didn’t know the truth about your own struggles. He didn’t understand why Jared came to you instead of him.

“Why don’t you come back down here and I can explain a few things to you,” you offered.

Minutes later Jensen was back in Jared’s apartment. You had made a pot of coffee and the two of you sat at the breakfast counter and you filled him on your history. He wrapped his arms around you in a warm embrace and you held tight to him.

“So this is why he comes to you, not me?” Jensen asked, his voice heavy with sadness.

“Yeah, he didn’t want you to know everything, and I am not telling you. He will in his own time, but I thought if you knew my history, it would help you better understand that he isn’t pushing you away. He just doesn’t want you to think less of him,” you explained.

“I never would. And I am sorry for what you had to go through on your own. I am here for you. I need to understand so I can be here for both of you,” Jensen stated.

You arrived at Jared’s door and let yourself in. He was sitting in the dark, the only light in the room coming from the range light above the stove and the phone in his hand. You disconnected the call and padded over to the couch where he was sitting. You took his phone and placed it on the table, then sat down in the corner of the sectional, your legs tucked under you.

“Jared,” you kept your voice calm, soothing, knowing that is what he needs. He turned his head to look at you, almost like he just noticed your presence in his home. He crawled across the sofa and placed his head in your lap, curling his body into a ball. You lifted your hand and ran your fingers through his hair while his body shook from the sobs wracking it.

“Sh-she left, Y/N,” he choked out. “She just left.”

“Shhh, I’m so sorry, Jared,” you soothed and continuing to play with his hair until you felt his body relax a little. He finally sat up and looked at you. You rose from your seat and headed to the kitchen, returning quickly with water.

“Here, drink this,” you urged him. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”

“I told her everything that has been going on with me for the last year. I explained how I was feeling and what I needed from her. And she walked out. I guess that tells me all I need to know,” he relayed to you.

“Jare, I know this hurts like hell. I know you feel betrayed and alone. But trust me when I say that you are not alone. I am here and I will always be here for you. Jensen too. We care about you and love you so much. We just have to keep fighting, Jare,” you looked him in the eye and promised him with everything you had. “Do you want me to call Jens?”

“No, not tonight. Can you just stay with me, please?” he pleaded with you and you agreed without missing a beat.

“What do you say I make us a light supper, we turn on some horrible television and camp out here for the night?” you suggested.

“I’d like that,” Jared replied.. “But you’re a terrible cook. Maybe you should call Jensen.”

“I am extremely offended sir! I happen to make an delicious grilled cheese sandwich,” you protested.

“You started my kitchen on fire the last time you cooked for me!” he recalled, the corner of his mouth pulling up, just a touch.  

“That was one time,” you reminded him. “Chinese?”

“Anything but your cooking,” Jared ribbed and you felt your heart soar. You had been so worried about him and although it was a small start, you took it. You win wars by fighting the small battles one at a time, and above all, you always keep fighting.

ALWAYS KEEP FIGHTING 

AND NO MATTER WHAT, KNOW THAT

YOU ARE NEVER ALONE. 

Taglist - if you like: @iwantthedean @d-s-winchester @just-a-touch-of-sass-and-fandoms @mamaredd123 @ellen-reincarnated1967 @tankcupcakes @katymacsupernatural @winchesterprincessbride @chelsea072498 @meeshw777  @tmccarney @ruprecht0420 @theoriginalvicki @hexparker @nanie5 @docharleythegeekqueen @megansescape @notnaturalanahi @impalaimagining @mrswhozeewhatsis @blacktithe7 @emoryhemsworth @bringmesomepie56 @devilgirlsarah @spnbaby-67 @emilycollins11 @myoutletforfanfiction @deansangelgirl @mizzzpink @jerk-bitch-and-an-angel @kayteonline @percussiongirl2017 @fanfreak07 @tattooedmomster13 @sandlee44 @moonstar86 @uttertrash–butlikecutetrash  @squirrel-moose-winchester @growningupgeek @charliebradbury1104 @evansrogerskitten @feelmyroarrrr @itseverythingilike @smoothdogsgirl @ashstrom87 @supernatural-jackles @ryantherandomhero @love-kittykat21 @kathaswings @crispychrissy @paintrider13-blog  @bethbabybaby 

Jared girls: @leatherwhiskeycoffeeplaid @tardis-full-of-fallen-angels @oneshoeshort @thing-you-do-with-that-thing

[chappedandfadedvds]

Nov 6th, Friday 00:10

Starting with notes, huh?

well usually I don’t give songs to these clips, only one for the weekly chapter. though I have a spotify playlist for this, and I wrote this chapter to this song on repeat at 2 am at night... so I’d recommand doing the same for this and the next clip. it is the weekly song as well Agnes Obel - Familiär

__ __ __

Never in his life had Jens been downstairs as fast as he was this night. Heart beating vast in his chest to a degree that should be worriying. Two steps at once. Three steps at once. His hand had found the door knob blind, as his eyes were transfixed on the shadow outside, behind the milky little window. He only wore his sweats and barely managed to grab a shirt to throw over before opening the door.

There he stood. Lucas. Hair damp from the light rain he had walked through. Perhaps rain was just about to become their weather. A nervous smile graced his lips, as his eyes darted up and down from the ground at their feet to Jens’s face.

It suddenly hit him, that he was here at his house at midnight on a thursday.

„You know that there is a curfew in place?“ Jens tried casualy as he wasn’t sure what to expect from this awfully dreamlike situation. Maybe it was just that, and Jens was actually fast asleep in his bed upstairs.

Lucas grinned at his words, before he reconsidered and pressed his lips shut into a thin line, thinking.

He looked up then, finally meeting Jens’s gaze.

„I almost was here on time, so I think I am safe. I’ve even got my own pair of sweats this time.“

The implication left Jens at a loss for words. So much so that Lucas swallowed uncomfortably before resuming to explain his sudden appearance after three days of ontensible avoidence.

„I’m leaving for Utrecht tomorrow at 10 and I won’t be back til late sunday evening. And knowing I won’t be able to see you, I decided to come here. It was a bit on a whim to be honest. But I think we need to talk.“ Jens only nodded silently. 

„Also,“ Lucas proceeded to take his backpack from his shoulder, to open it up. Jens found him pulling out a paper box, that had been placed at the top inside. The lid was off the next second and it presented Jans with a store brought piece of cake, that definitely had seen better days. It’s tip very much dented, buttercream spread throughout the box itself. It was the cutest and best gift he had ever gotten, as it hold a single candle and a small written note: Happy birthday

Lucas cleared his throat, which made Jens look up, to find the boy infront of him blushing slightly as he actually began to sing a birthday song to him. In a whisper so soft that the rain almost swallowed it up. Jens stared at him mesmerised, as he was hit by a whirwind of emotions. From absolute adoration over this boy to confusion and dispair, beacuse not just fifteen minutes ago, he was so sure that Lucas ignored him and that Jens had fucked it all up.

„Fuck, forgot to light the candle.“ Lucas exclaimed startled. And Jens decided to just let this minute take him whereever this would go. So he laughed and leaned forward, closing his eyes and blowing the flame out in pretence. Once his eyes were back on Lucas, he was greeted by another wide smile, this time it stayed, until the boy across of Jens shivered. The lightness of the moment gone with it.

„I can also go. This might have been a stupid idea to begin with.“ Lucas rushed his words out, trying to  cover up his nervosity, about to flee from Jens’s frontstep.

„We just have to be quiet, when we go upstairs, don’t want to wake my mom or sister at this time. I agree. We should talk.“ Jens stepped aside to let the boy in, who took off his shoes and then both of them were tiptoeing up the stairs, only daring to speak again, once the door to Jens’s room closed behind them.

Lucas put his backpack at the foot of the bed, before sitting down on it, the box with the cake carefully placed beside him. Jens followed him to take a seat on the other side. The two of them looking anywhere but at each other

„I’m sorry.“ They both said almost in unison, making them giggle at the odd coincidence.

„Why are you apologising? I was the one who kissed the girl.“ Jens said confused, risking a glance over. Lucas was kneading his hands, seemingly sorrowful, for a reason Jens didn’t understand. 

He waited. And waited. And waited.

As long as it took for Lucas to give him an answer.

He got one in from of another question.

„What do you want out of this?“ 

„I...ehm...I don’t get it. What?“ Jens replied and bent down to try to get a better look at the boys face staring in to the folded hands in his lap.

„I promised myself, when I came here, I wouldn’t fall for the straight guy again.“ Lucas was barely able to keep his voice from trembling as his eyes looked dangerously close to get teary. It became clear to Jens that maybe he had gotten it all wrong, that the boy hadn’t ignored him solely for a misguided kiss.

„The others had talked so much over all your female conquests after Moyo had seen you with that girl. I’m not sure if I made this between us into more than it really is. In Utrecht I was in love for so long with my best friend who was straight. But he was always so close, and touching, and jokingly flirting with me, that I could almost imagine more, when there never was a chance for it to happen. And I really don’t want to go through this again. I can’t“ Lucas seemed to have collected enough courage to look up at Jens, with tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. It broke Jens’s heart. „I really can’t, Jens. I can’t, so if you are just playing around, or are curious but not actually interested, or are just that close with your firends, please, let me know, so I can stop hoping for more.“

Jens had been uncertain about his feelings for the last week, shocked by it’s surprising appearence, as he never deemed it possible to yearn for another boy in this way. That was until this moment right here, listening to the boy’s distress. For whatever reason his heart had decided on Lucas and Jens would just have to accept it. Labels be damned.

He took a deep breath, before reaching over to place his hand on Lucas’s, taking hold of it.

„I don’t know what I am, to be honest, but I know that you are not falling for a straight guy it looks like.“

There was the second of utter silence between them, as they hold their breath over the realisation that Jens had just thrown his strongly believed sexuality out of the window. Good riddance, he thought as in an blink of an eye, Lucas began to cry, dropping his head onto Jens’s shoulder, the boy’s hands grabbing onto the fabric of his shirt, leaving Jens to do the only thing he could think of. He pulled the crying boy into a tight embrace, trying to hold both of them upright. Gently kissing the top of his head as good as Jens could from that angle.

He supposed that he wouldn’t really catch much sleep tonight. His alarm would ring at 6:30, just enough time to get Lotte ready for school and drop her off. So roughly six hours left.

And for the first time, in a long, long time, he didn’t mind at all.

[jeremyknox]

i was tagged in 3 tag games in the last day or so and instead of making 3 separate posts in which i tag much of the same people, i decided to consolidate. i love you all who tagged me.

uh....idk if i have anyone to tag? you guys kind of covered everyone i WOULD tag. i guess @flowerparrish, @colormekorrasami, @jordanetalaredead, @megayest, @twin-ace, @lakesandquarries, @peachy-shrimp, and @hotdamnlookatthispan.... if any of these look interesting, you should totally do them!

okay everything under the cuuuuut

tag game number one: tagged by the sweetest human, @carrie-frances

what’s your favourite song(s) to sing/hum? this is a tough one? currently i’ve been singing You by Keaton Henson a lot and also Ophelia by The Lumineers. Let Her Go by Passenger is another goodie for singing lately. Oh and Lost Boy!!!! by Ruth B.

what’s your favourite flower/tree/plant? I love nature wow. My favorite tree is definitely a Weeping Cherry Tree or Willow. My favorite flowers are sunflowers and roses! Plants in general, I just really love cacti? It’s a product of having family I adore in Arizona haha

what do you always doodle? hm... cats, mostly

how do you take your tea/coffee? With plenty of splenda and some milk

favourite candle scent? Vanilla, mostly. just sweet things

what perfume do you wear? body sprays from bath and bodyworks, usually vanilla or peach

what’s your go-to dance move when you’re alone? i have zero clue haha

favourite quote? i don’t know off of the top of my head! perhaps the one i have tattooed, from star wars. “luminous beings are we, not this crude matter.”

favourite self care routine? putting on good smelling lotions. reading a book. snuggling oliver. calling someone i love.

fuzzy socks or house slippers? both! but mostly fuzzy socks

what colour are your eyes? just plain ole brown

what’s your favourite eye colour on others? idk? i think blue or green but i adore brown eyes on everyone

favourite season? why? autumn, i like the colors and the clothes and the smells

cheek, neck or nose kisses? cheek! but the real MVP are forehead ones

what does your happy place look like? the beach but without all the people. or a quiet forest with light filtering in

favourite breed of dog? i’ve always loved boxers the most, and cavaliers

do you ever want to be married? if so, what colours would you pick for your wedding theme? yes, i think i do? i don’t know what colors, it’s always changing. i think it depends on the person i’m with because their input would matter. i’d want the colors to be whatever colors they think of when they see me and vice versa

cursive or print? it’s a solid mix but mostly print

favourite weather? raining and warm, but not thundering

tag game number two: tagged by the amazing @dancyon

— What was your last…

1. Drink: iced tea

2. Phone call: my aunt calling with some hard news

3. Text message: my aunt with an update

4. Song you listened to: love me by the 1975

5. Time you cried: yesterday and i’m gonna cry later today @ love, simon

6. Dated someone twice: yeah

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: for sure

8. Been cheated on: by two different people, apparently im easy to cheat on

9. Lost someone special: sadly, i’ve lost a few

10. Been depressed: lmao got that good good depression goblin

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: god yeah whoops sorry friends

— Fave colours

12. purple (any shade really)

13. blue (any shade really)

14. soft yellow

— in the last year have you…

15. Made new friends: ahhhh!!!! yes i have ♥

16. Fallen out of love: hhhhhhhhhh

17. Laughed until you cried: probably

18. Found out someone was talking about you: oh yeah

19. Met someone who changed you: yeah, in more ways than one

20. Found out who your friends are: idk???? kinda yeah

21. Kissed someone on your facebook friends list: uh i think i have my ex still

— General

22. How many of your facebook friends do you know irl: majority

23. Do you have any pets: my boy @ollycat and then my dogs and cats @ my parents house

24. Do you want to change your name: i actually did but now i’m back to my birthname bc being NB is one big ???? of what do i want 

25. What did you do for your last birthday: oh shit well w my friends i got drunk on rum, dressed up like a pirate, and played d&d. and then fam was the usual cheesecake factory adventure

26. What time did you wake up today: uh around 8 something officially?

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: i think i fell asleep before midnight? if not i was watching Critical Role

28. What is something you can’t wait for: my next tattoo!!

30. What are you listening to right now: just the sounds of my grandparents house

31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: I have an ex named Tom and a Grandpa named Tom

32. Something that’s getting on your nerves: just like....everything about this breakup and stuff i guess

33. Most visited website: god uh...tumblr and twitter????

34. Hair colour: naturally a dark brown with some reddish in it. it’s currently died as close as possible to that

35. Long or short hair: medium?

36. Do you have a crush on someone: no currently i’m avoiding all romance like the fucking PLAGUE

37. What do you like about yourself: i’m pretty tenacious

38. Want any piercings: nah, i’m more the tattoo type

39. Blood type: ..............why

40. Nicknames: bird, birb, kbird, kbirb, broseidon

41. Relationship status: single

42. Sign: aries

43. Pronouns: they/them

44. Fave tv show: on air right now it’s b99 and the good place. in general, buffy and gilmore girls

45. Tattoos: i currently have 6 and i want sooooo many more

46. Right or left handed: left!!!!

47: Ever had surgery: tonsils and stomach yeah

48. Piercings: none

49. Sport: none currently but football (soccer) will always have my heart

50. Vacation: currently in arizona!! i’ve been all over though, i miss mexico a lot

51. Trainers:  what does this....mean....like.....shoes???????

— More general

52. Eating: currently nothing? 

53. Drinking: iced tea currently

54. I’m about to watch: LOVE, SIMON AGAIN BITCH!!!!!!!

55. Waiting for: life to feel right

56. Want: a nap, like always

57. Get married: okay your answer of “if i get past my commitment issues and find someone that loves me, sure” was fucking perfect

58. Career: teacher!

— Which is better

59. Hugs or kisses: hugs

60. Lips or eyes: eyes

61. Shorter or taller: taller

62. Older or younger: older

63. Nice arms or stomach: arms

64. Hookup or relationships: relationship

65. Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant

— Have you ever

66. Kissed a stranger: nope

67. Drank hard liquor: hell yeah

68.Turned someone down: in high school yeah. and like once in college

69. Sex on first date: ........im an ace baby

70: Broken someone’s heart: supposedly

71. Had your heart broken: mhmmmm

72. Been arrested: nah, just brought home by cops

73. Cried when someone died: yeah, i cry at everything but especially death

74. Fallen for a friend: ..........only friends tbh

— Do you believe in

75. Yourself: trying to? cullen says my heart’s vibranium

76. Miracles: some days i do

77. Love at first sight: probably not, i used to though

78. Santa Claus: not anymore

79. Angels: i’d like to

— Misc

80. Eye colour: brown!

81. Best friends name: i mean..... jenny, ellie, michelle, and cullen? plus like max and jor, of course

82. Favourite movie: i guess the princess bride is the Most Favorite of All

83. Favourite actor: my MAIN MAN, hugh jackman

84. Favourite cartoon: danny phantom right now

85. Favourite teacher’s name: in HS it was mrs haley and in college it was dr trainor....grad school so far it’s been jen lynady

final tag game: tagged by the cutest, @blurredmxnds

bold the statements that are true

APPEARANCE:

I am 5'7" or taller

I wear glasses

I have at least one tattoo

I have at least one piercing

I have blonde hair

I have brown eyes

I have short hair

My abs are at least somewhat defined

I have or have had braces

PERSONALITY:

I love meeting new people

People tell me that I’m funny

Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me

I enjoy physical challenges

I enjoy mental challenges

I’m playfully rude with people I know well

I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it

There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY:

I can sing well

I can play an instrument

I can do over 30 pushups without stopping

I’m a fast runner

I can draw well

I have a good memory (lmao about some things???)

I’m good at doing math in my head

I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute

I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling

I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch

I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES:

I enjoy playing sports

I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else

I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else 

I have learned a new song in the past week

I work out at least once a week

I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months

I have drawn something in the past month

I enjoy writing

I do or have done martial arts

EXPERIENCES:

I have had my first kiss

I have had alcohol

I have scored the winning goal in a sports game

I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting

I have been at an overnight event

I have been in a taxi

I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year

I have beaten a video game in one day

I have visited another country

I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

RELATIONSHIPS:

I have a crush on a celebrity

I have a crush on someone I know

I have been in at least 3 relationships

I have never been in a relationship

I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them

I get crushes easily

I have had a crush on someone for over a year

I have been in a relationship for at least a year (on and off)

I have had feelings for a friend

MY LIFE:

I have at least one person I consider a “best friend”

I live close to my school

My parents are still together

I have at least one sibling

I live in the United States

There is snow right now where I live

I have hung out with a friend in the past month

I have at least 15 CDs (somewhere in my things)

I share my room with someone

RANDOM SHIT:

I have breakdanced

I know a person named Jamie

I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce

I have dyed my hair

I’m listening to one song on repeat right now (i JUST ended my thing w this)

I have punched someone in the past week

I know someone who has gone to jail

I have broken a bone (just a toe)

I have eaten a waffle today

I know what I want to do with my life

I speak at least 2 languages

I have made a new friend in the past year