#two boyfriends just talking I guess
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Being a Jane liker is so hard cause you go to her tag and it’s just a bunch of people lamenting how overhated she is and then continuing to ignore her, and being a Jake liker is so hard cause you go to his tag and it’s just tons of people making the most demeaning comments about him cause his character committed the crime of being annoying (unforgivable.)
#homestuck#jake english#jane crocker#vent#?#I guess hahaha#I am in the content trenches with these two#it’s always secretly about Dirk with them#Jane is Dirk’s bestie#Jake is Dirk’s boyfriend/ex#I just want content about them being friends/siblings/cousins or whatever#or with other people like Roxy or Jade#or even just stuff on their own#but nooooo always the same guy#and even the people who talk about how this fandom focuses too much on the dudes#characterize Jane as Dirk’s bestie and nothing more#I’m considering sharing my Jane analysis if only to bring more diversity#it’s actually kinda funny though that so much of their stuff revolves around Dirk#cause in canon that bothers Jane#how easy things are for him to just do#and she literally admits to being jealous of him#and while he interprets it to be mainly about Jake it’s honestly just in general#like he just does a bunch of stuff that she wishes she had the courage to do#and honestly he’s just more of a hero#they’re kinda like an inversion of John and Dave’s dynamic mixed with Jade and Dave’s#where from Dirks perspective it’s JadeDave in the sense that he just sees Jane as his silly friend who he must protect#while from Jane’s she’s the Dave to his John in that she wants to be heroic in the way he is#and like nobody does anything with that#The fandom ever focused on the boys takes Dirk’s side and says look at her#she’s just a girl
308 notes
·
View notes
Text
i really wish the worst year of my life on a personal level was not happening while i also have to be on Good Behavior for a new job with the threat of unemployment looming VERY near
#i've had two family deaths in under six months and that's after coming off a stint of unemployment and draining ALL my savings#and i KNOW my boss does NOT buy it when i tell her i've never had this much trouble meeting expectations#she straight up said she's cutting me more slack than her boyfriend would if i was reporting to him instead and like. thanks.#glad you talk about me with your boyfriend i guess. negatively too.#i'm probably going to have to pass on my uncle's interment next month because it's in the middle of the week#and i don't have the pto available to take for it#anyway. i don't know why i'm bitching. i just need to Be Better.#that's literally the only option.
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
Its like. SO surreal when you grow up "alongside" an artist- youre the same age, but they had a following bigger and better before you ever had social media to begin with, you two grow up, you follow their progress and they enjoy your support..
the clock strikes 19, and suddenly its like a ticking time bomb to see if they realized the responsability on their shoulders and that they need to grow up-their sudden power imbalance with younger friends, mutuals and fans. Do they know the damage they can cause? most of them dont.
Through a mix of self unawareness and selfishness, they hurt someone. they hurt a minor and now this person you watched develop before your very own eyes is the religated piece of shit of the week and shunned from the community.
Its even worse when thats your friend..
#i was kind of in such a situation but we spoke recently and i promised to stop talking about it. sort of. i guess i forgave them?#theres some leeway into forgiveness when the offense isnt extremely dire i suppose#what Synnibear did was..not good. and her refusal to self reflect and actually maintain her apology shows shes a bad person. theres no -#-forgiveness#and the guy i knew as a kid. they were just unaware frankly#i feel kind of violated by them but we made amends and moved on. i just kinda feel..gross for it still.#so thats kind of like. a reminder. to correct my posture and not be a freak weirdo around people in general#still a shame aint it#i can now name two artists who ive respected. followed and wanted to befriend turn out to be horrible people! wow#the other guy has a ally that im in personal kahoots with aswell#. ok i know his boyfriend is what im saying#and he says theres 'personal troubles' that the victim 'failed to mention'#i really. doubt anything can excuse talking to a 16 y.o weird when youre 18-19 bro#but am i being twofaced#i forgave Chris#but its not our place to forgive Kaz#does he realize he hurt someone for life#i was hurt for life#im still struggling with that weird shit that happened to me. theres effects im trying to hurdle over#that person probably had it way worse then i did right? imagine their struggle#how is Kaz any more superior or innocent enough to be 'forgiven' and 'permitted return'#even if somehow that kid turned around and forgave him. nobody will want him back#whats done is done. and if there was a way to 'justify' or 'explain' himself ... it doesnt matter#they dont forgive him#he hurt them#fuck this dude for real
6 notes
·
View notes
Note
Please post more about giyu just dating everyone
i should...... gonna start right now cuz ive actually thought about mitsugiyu for the GiyuusFuckingSad au- when hes still moping around in the cafeteria corner she pops over because she saw shinobu, shinobu stops her excited rambling and explains that its Quiet Time and shes like 'oh! okay! i can be quiet!' and she just hangs around to doodle in her sketchbook across from them. giyuu once again baffled by another random girl deciding she wants to hang out near(with?) him when hes literally never said a word in response.
she sees him in the halls and tries to talk with him, he responds minimally but shes encouraged by any response at all and talks to him outside the cafeteria any chance she gets- giyuu's incredibly confused as to why she likes talking to him so much, but one time when he realizes he missed the turn to his class about three halls ago finally notices how much he enjoys listening to her stories (he ended up just walking her to class to hear the end of the story, he was a few minutes late when he got back to his own)
when shinobu starts inviting him to little outings with her friends mitsuri's the first to welcome him, kyojuro and suma quickly follow and hes. very overwhelmed. why did he get introduced to the loudest ones of the friend group first?? contrary to what he thought would happen though, they actually love him and despite how hype the three of them get (and how not hype he usually is) he doesn't ever feel left out or pushed to the side (physically speaking too- suma frequently hangs off him since hes the most stable one around now and mitsuri & kyojuro aren't hesitant to pull him in to make him focus on whatever they're talking about. he likes how free they are with affection towards him like that)
months later he's acquainted with and knows the whole group and they're all out at a restaurant chatting and having fun- giyuu notices how entranced everyone else is at kyojuro's retelling of a story and he can't help but think how much sabito would like them all... mitsuri stops paying attention to kyo and turns to him, "Giyuu? Are you okay?" "Yeah, why?" "You're crying"
the grief finally hits, the tears get heavier despite his attempts at drying them before he starts to panic and excuses himself- he practically runs out and mitsuri worriedly glances back at everyone before excusing herself and running after him. she follows him to the side of the restaurant in the little alley where hes having his breakdown and hugs him- he buries his face in her shoulder and holds back shaking like a leaf for a while before the worst of it passes. she asks what happened, "I-i just- he'd like you all.. he would've loved to meet you.." she knows who hes talking about- well.. she knows he was extremely important to giyuu, and that something happened and he's not around anymore, and that its extremely painful for giyuu to talk about so he just doesn't. she says shes honored by his thought and goes on to try to calm him down/cheer him up, his face looks a mess from the splotchy flush and eye liner- it got smudged to hell and back and hes a little embarrassed by it. only for a moment tho because mitsuri immediately offers to fix it for him. when they're finally ready to go back in they notice obanai standing at the entrance of the alleyway, blocking the view from outsiders. "aw! you're so thoughtful obanai!" "You two good to head back inside now?" "how long were you standing there?" "long enough, you worried everyone running off like that" "sorry.." "don't apologize, idiot. c'mon, lets go eat" and they followed an excited mitsuri back to the rest of the group.
after that mitsuri started inviting him to her apartment to practice makeup art on him since she knew he was okay with it. he was good at sitting still and he liked how gently she touched and moved his face however while she worked, quiet and serene with her music playing from the room over- the first thing she tried out was a simple little water-esque mark on his left cheek. when he was finally allowed to look at it he remembered the time when they were kids and sabito backhanded him there for saying he wished he had died with his sister. remembered how badly he wished he could have gone with sabito too. remembered his final words, 'promise me you'll love again'
he looks back up at mitsuri with a little smile, maybe that promise isn't as impossible for me to keep as i thought. "i like it" "oooh! i just had another idea! what if i made it look like a stream of water coming out the corners of your mouth!?"
#tomioka giyuu#kanroji mitsuri#giyumitsu#giyuu tomioka#mitsuri kanroji#mitsugiyu#loserboy giyuu posting#gfs au#most of this is actually canon to gfs au but this time with added emphasis on his relationship with mitsuri#shes so bubbly and kind its hard not to fall in love with her at least a little bit#(giyuu might also just have a thing for pink hair lmao)#((shit now im thinking of giyuu x sabito/mitsuri/akaza.. full set like.. cedes what have you done))#i imagine for this version at first obanai is kinda jealous bc giyuu's closer to her but hes too nervous to actually do anything about it#once giyuu and mitsuri actually start going out hes like 'well fuck. there goes my chance. guess i'll pine'#giyu however notices said pining and just straight up 'do you want to date mitsuri?' 'wh- no!' 'cuz i think she'd love#to have two boyfriends to dote on her- give tengen a run for his money' 'what.' 'you liked her since before we even met didnt you? thats#kinda sad. coming from *me*' 'shut up asshole. ..yes i wanna date mitsuri' 'cool. i'll talk with her abt it'#'wait youre not fucking w me rn??' 'no? why would i do that' 'idk.. rub salt in the wound..' 'im bad at cooking' 'ha ha.'#mitsuri w two loserboyfriends who love and adore her immensely<3<3#vauge other ideas for gfs au: movie night‚ pool party(turned skinny dipping)‚ mitsuri's microwaved stuffed animal#oo also giyuu helps her with outfits- if she finds something she likes or thinks would go great with an outfit but its not fitted right for#her he'll stitch it to fit her perfectly. he also buys her little things that remind him of her. lots of watermelon themed trinkets lmao#ough... i wanna draw them now...#its almost 3 tho and i cant...#...if i wasnt a pUSSY
36 notes
·
View notes
Text
y’all ever so absolutely embarrassed you start crying
#That was the most humiliating apology I’ve ever had to give#I cannot believe someone in this group would behave like that#Someone my age if not a year older kicked open the door of the building that we were invited to so hard it made a cracking sound#in front of people who work there#I’m so fucking embarrassed#I had to go back in and say “I’m so so sorry that was so wrong and that’s not what we do in this group”#But like I guess it is apparently#The younger one of the people working their looked at me like I was straight trash while I apologized#I don’t even know who it was#I’ve spent the past 15 hours working as hard as I can holybshit#Two people have passed out one sprained an ankle ones pissed and exhausted#Three people got fucking wacked equipment broke my leader broke down into tears#Someone cut their finger I lost all my fucking bicep strength in front of a judge#Spent an hour comforting a sobbing mess because her ex boyfriend is an abusive dick but she’s still in love with him and still talking#To him. Which sounds just like me talking about someone I used to be with but fucking hell I wish I had someone to say that stuff to me#I’m so tired my feet are bleeding I’m humiliated and exhausted and lonely
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
hate how im now at a point where im legit like kicking my legs and grinning like an idiot over fictional characters SEND HELP
#take One Guess who im talking about. YES ITS KOI BOI#hes so prettyyyyy and cute and lovely and i love looking at him i wanna hear him speak and laugh and sing just AAAAAAAAAAAA#(turns to my own brain) BITCH WE ARE MEANT TO BE AROACE WHY ARE YOU IN LOVE WITH TWO FICTIONAL CRIMINALS WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?????#my brain: (that fuckin anime girl gif from evangelion (i think??))#like fuuuuuck man is it self shipping if u use a proxy? like. hes an oc but he's a stand in for me. he is me and i am him but we also arent#he is his own person and i am my own our lives are very very different but i use him to express love for Mad Dog and Koi Boy#cause they could actually love him if i were in their world i wouldnt stand a chance but my boy has one so he loves them for me#its far easier to imagine him kissing them than it is for me to imagine myself kissing them but that might be because im wired weird#idk it *feels* like it counts yknow. my dumbass out here gettin jealous when i see a Certain Ship cause like i disagree with it on#a Fundamental Level. and on TOP of that half the time the art is so CUTE and im like 'motherfucker that should be ME' or i guess my lad but#STILL am i making sense?? doesnt help that i worry im like. misreading what content i have but also fuck you i can do what i want and also#i get him more than yall kgyugkhjhk (jk jk. Unless) basically when i call them my boyfriends i fuckin mean it#look its Real Missing Nishiki Hours i love him i wanna kiss his perfect face someone shoulda shown him love i could save him and he could#make me worse <3 I Want Him#and do not get me wrong i may be focused on him but Majima is still my wifey too!!! hes mine you cant have her <3#i just have koi boy brainrot i very much desire them Both (YES THAT MIGHT BE WHY I SHIP THEM TOO LOOK I ALSO THINK THEYD WORK WELL TOGETHER#OR AT LEAST HAVE A FUN DYNAMIC TO EXPLORE I SHOULD DATE THEM AND THEY SHOULD DATE EACH OTHER WE ALL HAVE 2 HANDS)#might delete this in the mornin who knows but im feelin silly i wanna talk about them i wanna talk about my boy but idk if ppl would really#GET IT yknow i can think of maybe Two People and that INCLUDES bestie but just aaaa point is i love my koi boy so much hes so lovely <3 <3
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
what does one do with a pound of garlic
#guess i am making bread tomorrow? might make a peace offering loaf for a friend who i feel like is Not Talking To Me#or is that insane. that might be insane.#i will make a loaf for the house and maybe a loaf for me and my boyfriend to split.#so that's a lot of bread already.#hayley i want to make bread with you so bad when school has a break for you we have to make bread its the law.#but my usual recipe makes two loaves or one gian loaf#so if i double it. then thats four loaves. but what would i do with that much bread#also in a place with eating where this all sounds kind of nauseating but i need to use the garlic that i accidentally peeled too far#which is not that much but it is maybe four loves of bread's worth#hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm#i kind of just hope the universe swallows me whole while i sleep tonight. not related to my excess garlic problem
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
my eyes have been opened to the possibility of rory x paris oh my GOD
#listen i always knew it was a ship#but now that im a Lesbian For Real i've been actually noticing and considering the wlw ships in media that i like#and oh my god the possibilities with this one!!#paris pining is all i need in my life#im obsessed#i just watched the episode where paris spreads it around school that mr medina is dating lorelai#and she comes clean to rory later that she only did it to get everyone to stop talking about her parents divorce#and rory says that if she ever wants to talk shes there#and then they have a cute little thing where paris keeps insisting that she wont want to talk and then making sure that its still an option#thats so !!!!!!#oh also i hate max medina with a passion#i didnt think he was so bad in my first five times watching the show i guess because the bar is so low for lorelai's boyfriends#but hes gross and manipulative and i hate him#thats my two cents#gilmore girls#cloudy rambles#cloudy rewatches gilmore girls
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
other thing i did tonight. the whole polycule's here now
#give me vertigo#god coming up w a ship name for the whole group is TOUGH uhh#cassverowdy#I GUESS??? it's the best one so far that ive come up with#anyway quick notes i think the polycule is v-shaped w vertigo as the joint#basically it's vertigo and his two weird blond boyfriends#because why choose just one?#i probably said this already LOL but it doesnt hurt to reiterate#also rowdy is cis gay vertigo is trans gay and cass is cis bi :)#i have more thoughts but i will talk about them later in an actual post maybe
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
really struggling with that persistent feeling in rp where like. i feel like nobody would care if i just stopped doing it
#and it suuuuuucks bc i can’t even talk about it#bc yknow everyone get the ‘no we love having you!’ thing but like#do you? bc every interaction fizzles out and you seem like you’re just waiting for me to leave you alone#esp sucks bc my main rp partners are my boyfriends and they are literally having fun w everyone but me :)#sat here looking at all these threads like ‘well#‘it was fun while it lasted i guess’#idk. i’m just tired and sad.#miss feeling like people enjoy my presence#talking about it here bc i don’t want anyone to actually see it :)#a pity post or two is worse than nothing at all#esp when it fizzles out again immediately after
1 note
·
View note
Text
sometimes my boobs hurt so much i think they're gonna bleed surely this is normal right
#i think im pmsing.. but im not sure#like the dates aligned but also they've been super irregular hence the whole pcod etc#like im already wearing a size 38 bra because of all this fucking weight gain#and even that feels tight?? like the next size available was free size😭😭#but like it feels normal good even everyday just from the past two days it's been hurting like hell#and fucking worst festivsl of the year so i can't even stay in my room bra off all day#but oh god why do they pain so much it's never been like this before ive been having periods since i was 11 and im 21 now#maybe another pcod uhh idk side effect? symptom? whatever it's called#and i definitely have that pms wali feeling#i mean i haven't broken down yet but#you know that feeling when you WANT something but you don't know what and you try everything but nothing works#like i ate pasta i ate ice cream i studied and accomplished my targets i slept a lot i watched comfort show#i even washed my hair and danced to so many songs today morning while booping#but then it keeps crashing#and it's not enough#don't ask me what's it because even i do not know#i think i want. a hug. i guess#but from my bestfriend#because me and my sister keep fighting and i don't think she's really understanding me rn#but i think she's (bsf) avoiding talking to me because she's getting back together with her shitty boyfriend#i want to call and whine and say fuck that i don't care just talk to me but#i can't#the thought of asking for help needing people is. wow it's genuinely making me puke#i hate hate HATE being pathetic and needy#sometimes i wish#i mean obviously i would prefer it if i was perfectly healthy qnd normal and fine#but sometimes i wish someone just looked at me and said#oh honey how are you carrying so much sadness inside you and hiding it so well?? how are you even functioning???? how are you not#on the floor wailing and crying and unable to get up?#like you need [insert idk pills or whatever the cure is] BADLY
1 note
·
View note
Note
It's giving the...main character syndrome. like who tf does she think she is??? Y/N???
NO OH MY GOSH ANON. LET ME TELL YOU. LET ME FRIGGIN TELL YOU.
#okay so i need to give her a name. we will call her yn bc she is just so different and quirky and not like other girls#so i haven't liked yn since freshman year (am a junior) because she seemed incredibly pretentious. she has like awards n stuff for this#asian advocation group and tons of other stuff which is GOOD. but she has a tendency to brag and be very cocky about it.#AND YOU KNOW WHAT. IT WASNT JUST ME. MY FRIEND FROM SEMINAR who we will call Pie for certain reasons (her name rhymes with it) AGREED WITH#ME ABOUT YN BEING COCKY! and Pie and Yn are in the same group since they are both Asian and ppl at my school typically hang out w their rac#is that racist? like there's an asian boys group and asian girls group. but it's only asians and white people; but it's weird since a large#portion of my school is hispanic. i dunno WEIRD SIDE TANGENT BUT BASICALLY THEY ARE IN THE SAME GROUPS; RIGHT? so Pie was agreeing that Yn#can be very pretencious; and I'm then like#oh i don't really like her for the cheating stuff she did with Mac (fake name) and how she got#him to basically cheat on his girlfriend“ and Pie says ”oh well Mac started it; but Yn lead him on for over a month while he had a gf#and they kept this going until Yn decided to break things off; WHICH MEANS MAC'S NOW EX GIRLFRIEND NEVER KNEW ABOUT ANYTHING W MAC N YN!#also allegedly according to my boyfriend; Yn was doing homework as Mac was yk DOING it to Yn and she just like... LET IT HAPPEN WHILE HE HA#A GIRLFRIEND. HELLO? and when Yn ends it; he's like “omg but yn... i love you...” “no. i'll only hurt you; if you're with me it'll only hur#uh okay 25k words slowburn vibes.... ANYWAYS so she takes screenshots and sends them in a SUPER big groupchat with 20+ people (including Pi#and my boyfriend) and Pie (who was childhood friends with Mac) called her out saying how it was also kind of her fault for being with a guy#who was in a relationship; but she got super defensive about it. and this same thing happened AGAIN 2ish months later with a girl Jas and#her boyfriend Ben; where Yn was friends with both but basically was emotionally cheating with Jas; leading them to break up; and then she#GOT WITH JAS. HELLO???? WHAT??? and they r still together. none of them talk to Ben even though Yn said they were 'all cool and friends'#SUREEEE GIRL SURE. KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THAT. and Pie called her out on this AGAIN since Pie is friends with Ben and Jas too but Yn got#defensive AGAIN! BC SHE KNOWS ITS A SHITTY THING TO DO! and Pie doesn't really like her because of it and when Pie told me all of that I wa#in shock. because Yn was trying to play the victim in the situation with Mac when she sent the messages to the gc; and tried to do that AGA#N BUT IN THE SITUATION WITH JAS LIKE NO U ARE JUST A CRAPPY PERSON ! and appearently she is SO toxic she was nearly kicked out from a#leadership role at my school's asian pacific islander club or something! like girl WAKE UP! but that's not all; so i didn't know she was#known for going for people who had partners; yet still didn't like her; and last school year (about 4 months ago) my boyfriend got a 'reall#bad haircut' (i thought it was cute; but everyone made fun of him ) and Yn RAN around our campus trying to find him to make fun of him..#like wtf that's so weird and she will post screenshots of their convos on her story and be like 'omg he's bullying me!' when he's being dry#and did that in the gc (this time; i'm in it!) and i crashed out but my bf was apologizing and saying he told her to not post anything but#she didn't listen or something i guess. and sometimes when they are wearing similar outfits she'll post on her story that they are matching#um girl he has a wife and 12 kids. back the FUCK off. and i told him to distance himself from her or set boundries cuz i don't like that n#it makes me uncomfy; so he did which is good! but i still don't like Yn. she is a major pick-me IMO and very two-faced and covers her
1 note
·
View note
Text
just
#There's just this horrible crushing feeling in my chest and it's not that I think Johnny hates Moz or anything#It's not that#I can on some level understand why Johnny's immediate reaction would be no#Andy is gone#Moz refused to join him in 2008#There's been so much before this moment#On Johnny's end#And I get like#Why Johnny be like I just can't do it#I really do#That's so much emotional turmoil to survive#And to have begged for years#Only for Moz to just now say well okay I guess let's make amends#It must have been an incredibly hard thing#I'm not even sure what to feel about Moz' agreement#I sort of thought in my mind Moz would have rather dunked his face into a bucket of hungry piranhas before sharing a stage with Johnny agai#He has just been so distant in public#I know that doesn't mean anything about what they do privately#Moz guards his personal life to an extreme extent#He's never even talked about Damon as his boyfriend#Or had a proper picture taken with him#But Moz saying yes#I don't know how to feel#On one hand it amazes Moz wrote that whole pissy open letter last year#Then is like Johnny come back#It's not the first time though is it#I just can't#Moz feeling so hurt when Johnny wouldn't stand up for him in court#Or appeal the decision#Then after two decades to be able to say Johnny I want to be with you again
1 note
·
View note
Text
.
#tag talk#we're lowkey making huge progress between us! I'm trying to allow space for Lear to speak even when I'm running the show#I'm a little overbearing I guess. hard to even think about him when I'm in control#but we managed to have a bit of a conversation!!! which honestly might be the best we've ever done in terms of dialogue#usually it's vague thoughts back and forth and then radio silence between us until the slight shift as we switch places#we need to get better at communicating because sharing a partner means we need to communicate about stuff#and sure. neither of us are good at sharing our emotional needs but we can get better it just takes practice#anyway this is cool and I love my boyfriend and I love my headmate a lot he's been through a lot with me#communicating is so important and I'm glad we made it happen.#I keep saying I and then changing to we because I need to not take all the credit for the progress we've made. he deserves some credit too.#but yeah. huge progress. learning to accept my duality and talk about it openly and learn to communicate between the two halves#instead of shutting myself away in a closet somewhere I wanna learn to be open about who I am.#I learned to do that with being gay. I learned to do that last year with being trans. and I'm hopefully learning to do that with plurality#one of these days I'll run out of personal problems to solve. but at least I have a clear goal for personal growth this year now.#here I thought if I could figure out being trans I wouldn't have any more issues to work on. hahaha I was so wrong hhhhhhhh#anyway bye I'm gonna get up and cook some fish and broccoli and rice for breakfast
0 notes
Text
pondering my orb
#personal#it appears i have fallen victim to the situationship industrial complex#this little arrangement i found myself in has escalated from ‘friends who hook up’ to ‘boyfriend without the boy’#and it is becoming lets say emotionally distressing#because i am leaving town for the summer in just three short weeks! and for the past two months we have spent every free moment together#and putting our own individual codependent tendencies aside i really do like him#i havent been alone long enough to shift my brain out of girlfriend mode#because the thing is i loved being a girlfriend#apparently it was a significant part of my identity#which i didnt really realize until i wasnt one anymore#and i miss it!#i dont even miss the boyfriend i was the girlfriend of particularly#i just miss being a girlfriend i think#and now i have found a man who i would very much like to be the girlfriend of#hes respectful and emotionally intelligent and he fucks me so good and we have a lot of fun together i think#but the thing is is that i cant be a girlfriend again#because since it was such a significant part of my identity now that i am no longer a girlfriend i have lost that piece#and i guess i dont know what is supposed to go in its place#who am i if not girlfriend? what do i do when i am not girlfriending? who do i talk to when its not my boyfriend?#my life purpose is certainly not ‘girlfriend’#i mean its not supposed to be. i was pretty happy with it but everyone in my life is telling me thats not what im supposed to do#so what am i supposed to do???? i dont like being alone i dont want to be#i want to be girlfriend!!!!!!!#i was happy and i felt fulfilled#sure it was for the wrong person but the right one will come along#im not very good at the whole casual dating thing though. i mean clearly#because this man is probably not boyfriend material either#as much as i like him it is questionable whether he deserves my girlfriending#so how does one find ‘the’ boyfriend?#is it a futile exercise in the first place
0 notes
Text
vent post idc
#being a split in a system fuckign sucks man#especially when youre a fictive like im not even fucking real dude#imjust in this head bc the hosts brain couldnt deal with life#and now i gotta sit here and watch them and their partner get it on while i miss my boyfriend and cant even talk to him because guess what#he isnt fucking real#hes a damn comic character#now if you believe in the multiverse theory then yeah hes somewhere out there and this is just the universe we were put into#two fictives in a system or whatever idfk#im tired and i wish i had someone to cuddle#but alas im not into women#and our partner is a woman#how does anyone even cope with this#theres so many layers of fucking illnesses here its insane#wild#vent#and like we set hard boundaries because the host doesnt want to be poly and thats cool man i get it like#im not even fronting most of the time#but fuck man when i am i feel so fucking unwanted and alone it sucks so hard and i dont blame anyone here because i shouldnt even be here#in the first place#im gonna nap#also how does one cope with these feelings man when you know youre not real#like the body is and im taking care of it but im just from a comic man i dont even exist#how does one deal with this level of shit
0 notes