#twenty years across the sea

[hacked-wtsdz]

penelope odysseus

Jamie and Claire + twenty years apart (part 3)

Based off of the poem: twenty years across the sea

Part 1

Part 2

[two-bees-poetry]

twenty years across the sea

[chosok-amo]

Filthiest suo smut you can write (bonus points for using “good girl”) 🫣

꒰   FREAKY DEAKY   ꒱

SUO HAYATO. . . . you and suo were dating back in high school, you two were love birds, people tend to go around calling you two soulmate because of how perfect you two are for each other, but you two break up, and meet again after 8 years. you two are at the local club with friends, and one thing leads to another, by at the end of the night, suo hayato found his dick inside you.

warning : age-up! suo sayato ( mid-twenty sou & reader ), ōral ( m! receiving ), dirty talk, degrading, praise kink, hair-pulling, name-calling, choking, fingering, toxicity.

w/c : 8,9k

as you stand with your friends, the music pulsating through the dimly lit club, your eyes scan the room until they land on a familiar figure across the way. your heart skips a beat—it's suo hayato. it's been over eight years since you last saw him, yet there he is, just as you remember.

that unsettling, bone-chilling smile curves on his lips, sending a shiver down your spine. his presence is magnetic, even after all this time. he’s still wearing that eye-patch, a symbol of the man he was—and perhaps still is. memories flood back, mixing with the heavy bass of the music.

he catches your gaze, and for a moment, it feels like no time has passed at all. the room seems to shrink, the noise fading into the background as your past collides with the present. his smile never wavers, and you can't help but wonder what he's thinking, what he's doing here after all these years. it’s like a ghost has walked back into your life, and you’re not sure if you’re ready to face it.

you quickly avert your gaze, trying to focus on anything else—the lights, the crowd, the drink in your hand—but it’s no use. you can feel his eyes on you, that maroon gaze piercing through the dimness of the club, tracking your every move like a predator locked onto its prey.

you shift uncomfortably, moving closer to your friends, hoping the crowd will swallow you up, but it’s as if he’s tethered to you. every time you glance up, there he is, that unnerving smile never fading.

the air feels thicker, the music more distant as your anxiety starts to creep in. you know you should walk away, leave the club, but something keeps you rooted in place—maybe it’s the unresolved tension, the years of distance, or maybe it’s just the fear of what might happen if you turn your back on him.

you take a deep breath, trying to steady yourself, but the intensity of his stare only grows, making your skin crawl. it’s like he’s silently daring you to come closer, to confront whatever it is that lingers between you after all this time. but are you ready to face him?

your heart pounds in your chest, and you instinctively turn away, desperately trying to lose yourself in the sea of people around you. courage is the last thing you feel—you don’t want to face him, don’t want to remember the way his soft hands used to trace your skin, or how his lips would brush against yours in those quiet moments you shared.

no, you don’t want any of that. the thought of meeting him again, of exchanging words, or worse, feeling that familiar touch, sends a wave of panic through you. the memories are too vivid, too raw, and you can’t afford to let them resurface now.

you down your drink, hoping the burn will distract you from the growing anxiety, but it does little to calm your nerves. all you want is to escape, to forget that he’s even here, but the weight of his presence lingers, heavy and suffocating.

you squeeze your eyes shut for a moment, taking a deep breath, trying to ground yourself, but the images of the past keep flashing in your mind—his hands, his lips, his voice. no, you can’t do this. not here, not now.

with a shaky breath, you tell your friends you need some air, forcing a casual smile. they don’t question it, too caught up in the night’s excitement to notice the turmoil beneath the surface. as you make your way to the exit, you pray that he won’t follow, that this encounter will stay in the past where it belongs.

as you push through the crowd, trying to make your way to the exit, your eyes unintentionally catch sight of them—his friends, your old circle. nirei, with her always-cool demeanor, leans against the bar, laughing at something sakura said. sakura, ever the lively one, gestures animatedly, her laughter ringing above the music. umemiya, stoic as ever, stands off to the side, nursing a drink, while hiragi, with that perpetual smirk, surveys the room.

seeing them together, unchanged after all these years, makes your chest tighten. they were once a part of your life too, part of the memories you’ve tried so hard to leave behind. but now, just like him, they’re here, pulling you back into a time you’ve long since tried to forget.

you notice the subtle glances they throw in his direction, the way they seem to orbit around him, just as they always did. it’s as if nothing’s changed—as if you could walk over and slip right back into the group, like you were never gone. but the thought is fleeting, immediately replaced by the dread of facing them again, of them seeing the way you’re struggling to keep your composure.

you finally reach the exit, the cool night air hitting your face as you step outside. you take a deep breath, trying to shake off the lingering unease, but it clings to you, stubborn and unrelenting. their faces, their laughter, his smile—they’re all etched into your mind, no matter how much distance you put between yourself and the club.

as you stand there, away from the noise and the memories, you realize that no matter how much time has passed, some parts of the past are always ready to resurface, waiting for the moment when you least expect them.

just as you think you've escaped, just as the cool air outside offers a brief respite, it happens. a strong hand grabs your arm, pulling you back inside with a force that takes your breath away. before you can react, you're dragged through the crowded club, everything blurring around you as panic surges through your veins.

within seconds, you're shoved into one of the bathrooms. the door slams shut behind you, and the sound of the lock clicking into place echoes in the small space. your heart is racing, fear and adrenaline mixing into a dizzying rush as you try to make sense of what’s happening.

you’re pushed back against the wall, your mind reeling, and then you see him—suo hayato, standing there in front of you, his presence dominating the cramped room. his maroon eye gleams with an unsettling intensity, and that bone-chilling smile is still fixed on his face, but now there’s something darker in it, something that makes your blood run cold.

“did you really think you could just walk away?” his voice is low, almost a whisper, but it cuts through the silence like a knife. his grip on your arm tightens, and you feel the tension in the air, thick and suffocating.

you try to pull away, but he doesn’t let go, keeping you trapped between him and the cold tiles of the bathroom wall. your mind races, searching for something to say, something to do, but all you can focus on is the way he’s looking at you, like you’re a puzzle he’s been waiting to solve for far too long.

“you can’t just ignore me,” he murmurs, leaning in closer, his breath warm against your skin. “not after all this time.” his words hang in the air, heavy with implication, and you realize just how deep you’re in—trapped, with no way out, forced to confront the man you’ve spent years trying to forget.

the cramped bathroom's dim light reflects off the polished tiles, casting eerie shadows on the closed door and the small sink. the air is thick with the scent of antiseptic and the thumping bass from the club's music reverberates through the walls.

for the first few moments, the only sounds are the labored breaths escaping both your lips. your heart races so rapidly, you’re sure he can hear it. your mind is clouded by a blend of fear and a strange sense of anticipation—a feeling that’s hard to reconcile, almost contradictory.

“i’ve got you now,” he mutters, his teeth bared in a sinister smile. his hand slides down your arm to your hip, gripping tightly as he presses closer against you, pinning you further against the wall.

“you can’t ignore me anymore. we’ve got unfinished business, you and i,” he adds. his face is so close that you can feel the heat of his breath against your skin. as he leans in, the heat from his body radiating against yours, your back presses harder into the wall. his voice is a low murmur, each word accompanied by a breath that seems to caress your skin.

his hand on your hip becomes more firm, almost possessive, as if he's marking you as his. you can feel the coolness of his rings against your skin, contrasting sharply with the warmth of his touch.

“unfinished business?” you manage to stammer out, your voice quivering despite your best efforts to maintain composure. the warmth of his breath is almost unbearable, causing a strange shiver to run down your spine.

you try again to push against his chest, to create any space between you, but he holds firm, your efforts merely a token resistance against his strength and determination. “what the fuck are you talking about?” you demand, the accusation slipping out without thought.

he moves in closer, until there’s virtually no space left between you. his body is flush against yours, his breath now mere inches away from your face. his eye gleams in the dim light, studying you intently, an air of quiet satisfaction about him.

he doesn’t reply right away. instead, he brings his other hand up to your face, his thumb lightly tracing the line of your jaw. his touch is surprisingly gentle, almost tender, a stark contrast to his unyielding grip on your hip.

his maroon eye searches your face with a relentless intensity, as if he's trying to decipher something hidden deep within you. his thumb moves slowly, tracing a delicate, circular path on your skin, gradually moving upward until it brushes over your bottom lip. the touch is soft, almost gentle, but it carries a weight that makes your breath hitch.

there's a brief silence as he watches you, and then he speaks, his voice softer now but still laced with that underlying intensity. “you really don’t know?”

his words send another shiver down your spine, and the tension in the small bathroom becomes almost unbearable. you can feel it building between you, thickening the air as the reality of the situation crashes down on you.

anger flares up in response, burning away the fear that had momentarily paralyzed you. your brows knit together as you glare at him, your voice sharp with frustration and defiance. “no, suo, i fucking don’t know.”

his thumb pauses on your lip, and the smirk that tugs at the corner of his mouth only fuels your anger. but there’s something else in his expression too—something that makes you feel like you’re on the edge of understanding, yet still in the dark.

you jerk your head away from his touch, but he doesn’t back off, his gaze still locked onto yours. the smirk fades slightly, replaced by a more serious look, as if your defiance has finally caught his attention in a way that matters. “then maybe,” he murmurs, his voice lowering even more, “it’s time you remembered.”

there's a pause, a moment where the silence in the bathroom seems to stretch out almost indefinitely. the only sound is the thumping bass from the club below and the sound of your own quickened breathing.

he studies you intently, as if seeing something hidden within you that you're not even aware of yourself. his smirk fades, replaced by a strange mixture of seriousness and something else—something almost like anticipation.

“maybe you need a reminder,” he repeat.

his words hang in the air for a moment, the implications of them becoming clearer with each passing second. his expression is intense, almost predatory, as he gazes down at you. his eye flickers between your eyes and your lips, as if trying to decide where to focus his attention. without warning, he moves his hand from your lip, instead reaching up to brush a strand of hair from your face. his touch is light but deliberate, leaving a trail of goosebumps in its wake.

the gesture is strangely intimate, his touch lingering against your skin. his fingers trail along your jaw and then down the side of your neck, sending another shiver through you. he leans in closer, his face so close now that you can feel his breath on your cheek. his voice is low, almost a whisper, as he speaks the next words. “close your eyes,” he murmurs, the command leaving no room for disobedience.

you hesitate for a brief moment, your mind swirling with a mix of fear, confusion, and a strange sort of anticipation. but his words, spoken in that low, commanding tone, leave little room for defiance.

slowly, almost reluctantly, you close your eyes, your world suddenly plunged into darkness. you’re acutely aware of his presence so close to you, the proximity making your stomach flutter with uncertainty.

the absence of sight seems to heighten the other sensations—the heat of his body against yours, the sound of your heart thudding in your chest, his scent, a mix of cologne and something else, something distinctly him. as your sight is taken away, your other senses seem to sharpen. the heat emanating from his body feels almost searing, the thump of your heart in your ears is almost deafening, and his scent wraps around you like a fog.

he’s silent for a moment, you can feel his eyes on you, even through your closed lids. after a few more seconds, he speaks again, his voice a low rumble against your skin. “tell me something, y/n,” he murmurs.

your heart feels like it’s lodged in your throat, each beat echoing in the tight space between you. swallowing hard, you manage to whisper, your voice barely audible over the sound of your own heartbeat. “what?”

your whisper hangs in the air, fragile and uncertain, as you wait for his response. the vulnerability in your voice doesn’t go unnoticed by him; you can feel it in the way his grip on you tightens ever so slightly, and in the way the energy between you shifts, becoming even more charged with the weight of whatever is about to be said.

his grip on your hip tightens, his fingers digging into the flesh just a little bit more. his other hand moves to your chin, tilting your head up slightly, forcing you to angle your face towards him. the silence stretches again, and then his low voice breaks it, his question spoken in a tone that's both commanding and oddly vulnerable, a stark contrast to his earlier demeanor.

“do you remember our first kiss?”

his question pierces through the charged silence, filling the small space between you with an almost tangible tension. the memory of that moment—your first kiss, all those years ago—floods back into your mind, and your heart stutters in your chest.

his thumb, still resting under your chin, moves in a slow, feather-light stroke along your bottom lip, the touch sending a jolt down your spine. his eye is fixed on your face, waiting for your response. the world seems to pause for a moment as the question hangs in the air. your mind whirls as memories surface unbidden.

you remember the softness of his lips, the heat of his body against yours, the way the world seemed to fade away as you lost yourselves in that one brief moment. it's a memory that holds so much power, so much emotion. but you’re wary, not quite sure what he's after with this question. your voice trembles slightly as you respond, “yes.”

his hand on your hip moves slightly, his fingers tracing small, absent patterns against your skin. his touch is strangely soothing, and yet it also serves to remind you of the physical reality of the situation—of his closeness, the pressure of his body against yours.

your answer seems to please him, as he lets out a small hum of satisfaction. his thumb continues its slow, rhythmic motion against your lip, as if claiming it in some way.

“good,” he murmurs, “i wanted to make sure.”

his gaze drifts from your eyes down to your lips, his eye flickering almost possessively over them. the tension between you ratchets up another notch—a simmering cocktail of memories, old feelings, and current confusion.

he leans in, closing the already small gap between you, his breath mingling with yours almost as if he’s tasting the air itself. his voice is a low, almost reverent murmur as he speaks again, “i’ve been thinking about that kiss, a lot recently.”

as he talks, his words brush against your skin like a gentle caress, sending another wave of shivers down your spine. his touch on your lip is still light and almost reverent, a stark contrast to the possessive grip on your hip. “and do you remember…,” he continues, his voice dropping even lower, almost a whisper now, “how it ended?”

his question hangs in the air like a challenge, his voice just barely above a whisper. the memory of how that kiss ended floods your mind again, the image hazy and uncertain after all this time, but still potent.

the air between you feels stifling, heavy with anticipation. his lips are just millimeters away from yours, his breath warm against your skin. his eye is fixated on your face, studying your every reaction.

he waits for your answer, his words lingering in the silence like a loaded gun. his voice whispers against your skin, each word carrying an intensity that makes your heart skip a beat. the combination of his touch and the heat of his body against yours is almost overwhelming, but somehow you feel drawn in even closer, as if there’s some invisible pull between you that you can’t resist.

as he continues, his voice drops to a low murmur, the memory of that moment, of how it all ended, comes flooding back to you. “yes,“ you murmur back, your voice shaky. “i remember.” as you speak, his eye seems to narrow slightly, studying your face with an almost predatory intensity. there's a moment of silence, where the only sound is the thumping of your mingled heartbeats in the cramped space.

he leans in even closer, his lips now tantalizingly close to yours. his hand on your hip tightens, his grip no longer gentle but firm, a silent assertion of dominance. “tell me,” he commands, his voice barely above a whisper, “what happened next?” the air around you seems to grow even thinner, his proximity making it hard to breathe. his hand on your hip is a constant reminder of his control over the situation, his grip a silent warning not to defy him.

his lips are right there, so close you could almost taste them, yet still somehow out of reach. their heat seems to linger on your skin, a prelude to something more.

he repeats his demand, his voice a low rumble that resonates through your chest. “tell me what happened next.” the question pulls you from your fog, leaving you feeling both nervous and groggy, like you’re teetering on the edge of a dream and reality. your mind races, trying to piece together what he wants, but the haze of fear and the overwhelming presence of him makes it hard to think straight.

“you..” you manage to say, your voice shaky and uncertain. the words come out almost as a whisper, your nerves making it difficult to speak clearly. “you touching me and we...” his grip on your hip tightens slightly, and you can sense his frustration, but also a twisted sort of satisfaction. it’s like he’s enjoying this—the power he has over you, the way he can make you feel so small, so unsure.

he listens to your shaky words intently, his eye flickering between your eyes and your lips as you speak. his grip on you remains firm, his body pressing even closer against yours, as if he's desperate for any reaction from you. he seems to relish your nervous stammering, feeding off the sense of unease he's creating in you. it's almost as if he's testing you, seeing how far he can push you before you break.

when you don't continue, he prompts you again, his voice a low growl. “and then...?” your mind is foggy, overwhelmed by the heat of his body, the closeness of him, and the power he holds over you in this moment. you’re barely holding on, teetering between fear and something else—something that draws you closer to him, even when every rational part of you screams to run.

with a shaky breath, you finally find the words, your voice soft and groggy, almost as if you’re in a trance. “and then… we’re having sex, suo.”

the admission hangs in the air, your heart pounding in your throat as you wait for his reaction. the tension is almost unbearable, your senses overloaded by his proximity, his scent, the way his eye locks onto yours with a burning intensity. as your words hang in the air, you can feel his body tense against yours. his grip on your hip tightens even more, his fingers digging into the flesh with a possessive pressure. his breath is heavier now, and his eye widens a fraction as he processes what you’ve just told him.

he doesn’t respond for a moment, his voice coming out as a low, almost gravelly whisper. “say it again.”

“we fucked,” you repeat.

the words come out in a soft, almost breathless murmur, your voice still shaky from the tension between you. his eye darkened, his expression turning predatory. as you speak, his grip becomes even tighter, his fingers digging into your skin and holding you in place. his breath is hot against your skin, and his body tenses even more, as if he's barely holding back.

he leans in even closer, his lips almost touching your ear as he speaks again. his tone is low and almost dangerous, a mix of intensity and desire.

“do you remember how it felt?”

“no,” you manage to lie whisper, your voice harsher this time, filled with a mix of fear, anger, and uncertainty, “i don't remember.” he pauses, his eye narrowing as he studies your face, clearly displeased with your answer.

he releases his grip on your hip, his hand trailing up your body slowly, almost lazily. he stops at your neck, his fingers wrapping around your throat in a loose but firm hold. he doesn’t apply any pressure, but it’s enough to make you keenly aware of his power over you.

he leans in, his lips almost touching your ear again, his voice a possessive growl. “that’s not the right answer.” the possessive tone in his voice ignites a spark of defiance within you. pushing him away with all the strength you can muster, you glare at him, your voice laced with anger and frustration. “oh, fuck you, suo!”

the words burst out of you, raw and unfiltered, as you struggle to regain your composure. the anger in your voice seems to catch him off guard, and for a moment, the intensity in his eyes flickers. “you can just come back into my life after eight years of no contact and act all touchy and possessive?” your voice is sharp, laced with indignation and a deep sense of betrayal. “who do you think you are, showing up like this and trying to control me?”

the words spill out, each one fueled by the confusion and anger of seeing him again after so long. you shake your head, trying to emphasize just how out of place and unwelcome his actions feel.

he bristles at your harsh words, his eye flickering with a hint of annoyance. but rather than retreat or apologize, he seems to just double down, his grip on your neck tightening just slightly, a warning glance in his eye. “watch your tone,” he growls, his voice deep and authoritative. “i didn't come all this way just to be disrespected like this.”

he studies your face, his expression is a mix of anger and something else, something almost feral in its intensity, “you may have forgotten me, but we once meant something to each other.”

you snort in response, your voice dripping with skepticism and irritation. “yeah, right.” the dismissive tone in your voice echoes the defiance you feel, a refusal to be swayed by his attempts to rekindle old connections or assert dominance. his intensity only fuels your resolve to stand your ground, even as the tension between you remains palpable.

he tightens his grip a bit more, his expression darkening as your defiant attitude continues. he's clearly not used to not getting his way, and your refusal to submit to his demands is only serving to rile him up further.

he leans in closer, his face now mere inches from yours, his breath hot against your skin. “don't get cocky,” he sneers, his voice low and menacing. “you may have forgotten how it feels to be mine, but your body hasn't.” his words hit you like a bolt of electricity, a chilling reminder of your past relationship. your heart pounds in your chest, your mind racing as you try to process his implication.

he leans in closer still, his face almost touching yours, his voice now a low, possessive growl. “your body remembers, even if your mind doesn’t.” he pauses, his eye flickering over your body in a way that makes your skin crawl. “i can always remind you.” with his fingers still around your neck, the pressure just enough to keep you aware of his presence, you grit your teeth and mutter, “fuck you.”

his grip on your neck tightens, his fingers digging into your skin just enough to make you gasp. he leans in even closer, his face now directly in front of yours, his eye burning with anger.

“watch your mouth,” he hisses, his voice a low, dangerous rumble. “i’m not some pushover you can disrespect like this. i will remind you who you belong to.” struggling to maintain your composure, you push against him with whatever strength you can muster, trying to create some space. “fuck off, suo!” you snap, your voice hoarse but determined, trying to assert yourself despite the intimidating closeness.

he falters for a moment, caught off guard by your attempt to push him back. but his surprise is short-lived as he quickly regains his composure, his grip on you only tightening further in response to your continued defiance.

“you never did know when to stop,“ he growls, his voice deep and frustrated. he takes a step closer, towering over you, his body pressing against yours again. “you always were a stubborn, unruly little brat.” he leans in, his mouth mere inches from your ear, his breath hot against your skin. “but i was also the only one who could make you submit."

his hand on your neck slides down slightly, tracing a possessive line along your collarbone as he continues in a low, dangerous tone, “and i still know all the ways to make you bend to my will.” just like that he roughly kisses you and as your lips meet, he takes immediate control, claiming your mouth with a fierce possession that leaves you breathless.

his hand on your neck tightens once more, holding you in place as he devours you, his tongue forcefully exploring your mouth as if trying to prove just how thoroughly he can dominate you with his touch alone. his other hand grips your hip again, pulling your body flush against his, his fingertips digging into your flesh in a way that sends chills down your spine.

he continues to kiss you hungrily, the intensity in his movements growing with every passing moment. his tongue tangles with yours, his mouth bruising your lips with a possessive fervor.

he pushes you back against the wall, pressing his body against yours, trapping you between the cold surface and his overheated frame. his grip on your neck and hip tightens even more, any attempt to break free becoming increasingly impossible as he pours all his pent-up hunger and desire into the kiss.

his body covers yours, his presence surrounding you completely, a reminder of the power he holds over you in this moment. the kiss continues, his tongue delving deeper into your mouth, his body moving against yours in a way that ignites a fire within you despite your efforts to resist.

he seems desperate, almost as if he's trying to claim every inch of you, to make you remember just how good it feels to be under his control. his grip on your hip and neck only becomes tighter, becoming almost borderline painful as he kisses you with a hunger that borders on frenzy.

he breaks away from the kiss, panting heavily, his chest heaving against yours. his maroon eyes burn with an intense lust as they lock onto yours, his expression smug yet filled with a raw need. “i've been waiting for this,” he murmurs huskily, his voice low and commanding.

his hands roam freely over your curves, tracing the outline of your breasts before slipping down to cup your ass firmly. he grinds his hardened member against your thigh, a clear indication of his arousal. “don't fight me, love. it only makes things more interesting.”

the combination of his words, touch, and proximity makes your head spin. your heart pounds in your chest, your body betraying your conflicted emotions as it responds to his touch involuntarily. he leans in again, his mouth near your ear, his breath hot against your skin. he murmurs in a low, possessive tone, “i know you're resisting, but deep down you remember how much you enjoyed submitting to me.”

he chuckles darkly at your silent struggles, feeling your body react to him despite yourself. he presses himself closer to you, letting you feel every inch of his solid muscle against your softness. “let go of your pride, darling,” he whispers seductively, nibbling on your earlobe.

his hand slides up your side, teasing the curve of your breast before pinching your nipple through the fabric of your clothing, sending jolts of pleasure straight to your core. you let out a soft moan and for a second your eyes rolled back inside your head as if it remembered the touch.

he smirks, pleased with your reaction. “that's it, my sweet. show me just how much you want this,” he teases your other nipple, alternating between gentle caresses and firm pinches. his other hand trails lower, dipping beneath the hem of your skirt to find the warmth between your thighs.

he groans approvingly, feeling your wetness through the thin material of your panties. he slips his finger beneath the elastic band of your panties, teasing the edge of your slit. he circles your clit slowly, watching your face contort with pleasure. “you're so wet for me already,” he taunts, his voice laced with satisfaction.

he dips his finger inside you, feeling your walls clench around him. “you're going to come undone for me tonight,” he promises, his voice dripping with confidence. “oh, god—” something caught your throat— his long, sleek finger caught the air in your throat and your nails dig an invisible hole on his biceps.

he chuckles darkly, enjoying the effect he has on you, “god can't help you now, sweetheart. it's just you and me.” he pumps his finger in and out of you, curling it slightly to hit that special spot inside. his thumb rubs circles on your clit, increasing pressure and speed until your hips buck against his hand involuntarily.

“that's right, baby. ride my fingers like you used to ride my cock,” he growls, biting down on your neck hard enough to leave a mark. his other hand gropes your breast roughly, tugging and twisting your nipple. he adds another finger to your slick entrance, stretching you further as he fucks you with his hand. his pace is relentless, driving you closer to the edge with each thrust.

“come for me, darling,” he commands, pinching your clit between his thumb and forefinger, “show me how much you crave my touch.”

he leans in to capture your mouth in a rough, dominating kiss, swallowing your cries of pleasure as your orgasm crashes over you. his fingers continue to move inside you, milking every last drop of ecstasy from your trembling body. “s-stop, fuck—” you cries between his lips. your trembling hands move to push his hands away weakly.

he ignores your weak protests, maintaining the same punishing rhythm as he drives you towards another peak, “shh, don't fight it, baby. let go and enjoy the pleasure I'm giving you.” his thumb flicks rapidly over your swollen clit while his fingers curl to stroke your g-spot. you whimper a soft air, “oh, hayato. . .” and he can feel your walls fluttering around him, signaling your impending release.

“that's it, come for me one more time,” he growls against your lips, “then maybe i'll give you what we both really want— my cock buried deep inside your tight little pussy.” just like your body longing and begging for him your legs shaking between his. “oh god, oh god,” you mumble between your another moans.

he continues to pump his fingers in and out of you, his thumb working overtime on your clit. he can feel your body tensing, your orgasm building to a crescendo. “let it happen, darling,” he urges, his voice low and hypnotic, “give in to the pleasure. surrender to me completely.”

with one final thrust and swirl of his fingers, he sends you hurtling over the edge once more. your body convulses in his arms, a high-pitched moan escaping your lips as wave after wave of ecstasy washes over you. he holds you close, riding out your climax with you, savoring the feeling of your tight pussy clenching around his fingers. when the spasms finally subside, he gently withdraws his hand from your underwear, leaving you panting and dazed against the wall.

he brings his glistening fingers to his mouth, sucking your essence off them with a satisfied groan. “mmm, you taste even better than i remembered,” he purrs, his eyes gleaming with renewed hunger. he steps back, admiring the sight of you flushed and disheveled from your orgasms. “now that's what i call a proper welcome home,” he says with a satisfied smirk.

his gaze drops to the bulge straining against his trousers, a clear indication of his own arousal. “but it's not fair for me to get all the fun, is it?“ he muses aloud. “time for me to bury myself inside you where i belong,” he declares, with his free hand, he quickly unbuckles his belt and shoves his pants down just enough to free his throbbing cock. the thick shaft bobs heavily in front of him, the swollen head already leaking pre-cum.

your rise and fall gently, trying to catch your breath before throwing the maroon irises in front of you a nasty look, “fuck you,” you grumble under your breath. hating the effect he still have on you with every single blood inside your body, with every breath you take you swore for the last twenty-five of your life you hate him— trying to hate him.

he chuckles darkly, unfazed by your defiance. “fuck me? oh, darling, i plan to do far more than that,” his voice is laced with a dangerous promise as he steps closer, pressing his erect length against your thigh. “you may hate me, but your body doesn't lie,” he says, reaching out to trace a finger along the curve of your hip. ouch!

“it remembers how good it felt when i fucked you senseless.” his hand moves lower, slipping beneath the waistband of your panties to cup your ass firmly. “and it wants more,“ he concludes, pulling you flush against him. with a swift movement, he grabs your hips and pulls you flush against him more, the tip of his cock pressing against your soaked folds. you have to bitch your lips from letting you tear another moan.

“tell me you want me,” he demands, his eyes burning into yours.

your eyes shaking lightly. your hands make a fist, tightly as if you are trying to tear your skin with your nails alone. “i hate you,” you spat, this time, trying so hard to sound you mean every single word. he smirks, undeterred by your words. “that's it, say it louder. let me hear you curse me to my face.” he grips your hips tighter, positioning himself at your entrance.

without waiting for an answer, he thrusts forward, sinking into you inch by delicious inch. a guttural moan escapes him as he fills you completely, stretching your pussy around his girthy length.

“oh, fuck... you're still so tight,” he groans, starting to move inside you. each thrust is deep and powerful, designed to claim you utterly. your hands automatically looking for his broad shoulders to cling into like it's where you belong. “oh, fuck,“ you moan against his ear, throwing your head back.

he bites down on your shoulder, marking you as his again. “that's it, moan for me,” he encourages, his pace quickening. each thrust hits that sweet spot inside you, sending waves of pleasure coursing through your body.

his hands roam over your curves, squeezing and kneading your flesh as if he's trying to imprint every inch of you onto his memory. “i never stopped thinking about this pussy,” he confesses, punctuating his words with a particularly deep penetration. his grip on your hips tightens, guiding you to meet his thrusts.

“you were mine before anyone else's, and you'll be mine again,” he vows, his voice filled with raw possessiveness. he takes advantage of your vulnerability, nipping at your exposed neck before moving down to lavish attention on your breasts. his teeth graze over your nipples, sending jolts of pleasure straight to your core.

“does this feel familiar?” he asks, punctuating his question with a particularly deep thrust. “your body knows exactly what it needs— me inside you.” his hands roam freely over your curves, squeezing and kneading your flesh as if he owns you. and in this moment, he does. he keeps going, pistoning in and out of you at a brutal pace. his balls slap against your ass with each powerful thrust, filling the room with lewd sounds of their coupling.

“i remember everything about you, y/n,” he murmurs against your skin, tracing patterns on your back with his fingertips. “how you whimpered when I touched you here...” he rolls his thumb over your clit, applying just enough pressure to send sparks shooting up your spine. it's like he's pushing a button, know which button that's going to make the best sounds, and he's going to do that, ever and ever again.

“and how you cried out when i filled you like this,” he continues, driving his cock deeper into your soaking wet cunt. “god, you were such a fucking slut for my dick.” his grip on your hips tightens as he picks up the pace, pounding into you relentlessly.

“so tell me, baby, who's your favorite fucker?”

you can't process an appropriate answer but instead your chin rests against his shoulder, bouncing a little each time he thrusts into you and tightly holding to him, “so good..” you moan, “so f-fucking good.”

he smirks against your neck, loving the way you surrender to his touch. he grins wickedly, pleased by your response. “damn right it is,” he agrees, giving a particularly hard thrust for emphasis, “no one else will ever make you feel this way.”

one hand leaves your hip to tangle in your hair, tugging your head back to expose your throat. he leans in, running his tongue along the column of your neck before biting down sharply. the vibrates of your moaning and whimpering flattering against sukuna's lips. “that's because you belong to me,” he growls possessively, punctuating his claim with another series of deep, penetrating thrusts. “this pussy is mine. this body is mine. everything about you is mine.”

he pounds into you harder, faster, chasing both your climaxes now. the obscene sound of flesh slapping against flesh fills the air, mingling with your moans and his grunts of exertion. you pull your neck away from his lips to meet with suo maroon irises. your cup his cheeks, resting your forehead against his. “i'm yours,” you whimper. he can feel your breath fanning on his skin.

his maroon eyes darken with lustful intent at your admission. “good girl,” he praises, his voice rough with desire, “say it louder. make sure i believe you.” he thrusts into you with renewed vigor, his hips snapping against yours with a force that borders on painful. but there's no pain in his touch, only pleasure, pure and unadulterated.

“say it again,” he commands, pinning you against the wall with his weight. “admit that you need me, that you crave my touch more than anything else in this world.” as he speaks, his fingers find your clit once more, rubbing circles around the sensitive bud while his cock drives deeper into your dripping heat.

“i'm yours,” you murmur before you captures his lips in a searing kiss, pouring all your pent-up emotions into the embrace. your tongue delves into his mouth, tangling with his in a sensual dance as old as time itself.

he kisses you back fiercely, his tongue dueling with yours in a heated battle of dominance. as he ravages your mouth, he doesn’t slow down his thrusts, keeping up the relentless rhythm that has you teetering on the edge of release.

breaking off the kiss, he trails hot, open-mouthed kisses down your jawline, nipping and sucking at your skin. “that's it, let go,” he whispers against your earlobe. “come for me, darling. show me how much you love being fucked by your favorite fucker.” he bitting your jaw before pulling his face away slightly, watching you close your eyes.

“look at me,” he orders, his voice husky with arousal. when you meet his gaze, he captures your lips once more, kissing you deeply as his orgasm builds within him. with a final, brutal thrust, he buries himself to the hilt inside you, his cock pulsing as he spills his seed deep within your womb. at the same moment, he feels your walls clench around him, milking his cock for every last drop as you come undone in his arms.

he stays buried inside you, breathing heavily as he rides out the aftershocks of your climax. your body clings to his, milking every last drop of cum from his throbbing member. slowly, he withdraws from you, a satisfied smirk playing on his lips. “there's nowhere else in the world i'd rather be,” he admits softly, pressing a gentle kiss to your swollen lips.

he lets you down on your feet with his arms still wrap around your waist. your warm hand gently caresses his chest, down to his washboard abs before landing on his still-hard cock. your delicate fingers wrap beautifully around his shaft.he lets out a low chuckle, feeling your small hands wrap around his hardened shaft. “still eager for more, huh?” he teases, his maroon eyes glinting with mischief.

allowing you to take control, he watches intently as you start stroking him, your delicate fingers exploring every inch of his length. “fuck, that feels good,” he groans, tilting his head back slightly to enjoy the sensation. but soon, his patience runs thin. with a firm grip on your waist, he guides you to stand up properly.

“now let's see how well you can handle being taken from behind,” he whispers huskily into your ear. suo brings you to the nearest sink, and positions you with your back facing him. he can see your face from the mirror in front of you two. he steps close behind you, his hard cock prodding insistently at your entrance. in the mirror's reflection, his maroon eyes lock onto yours, a wicked grin spreading across his face.

“watch yourself,” he instructs, his voice low and commanding, “see how i'm going to take you, right here where anyone could walk in.” without further warning, he grips your hips and plunges into you with a single, powerful stroke. a guttural moan escapes him as your warmth envelops his shaft once more.

“you're so damn tight,” he growls, starting to move. each thrust sends ripples through your body, the force of his penetration making the sink tremble beneath your hands. he grins at the sight of your flushed face reflected in the mirror, the way your lips part slightly as you gasp for air. “oh, h-hayato— god!” you sink your head down when you feel his cock full inside you.

each thrust sends ripples through your body, your breasts bouncing enticingly with every impact. he smirks, loving the view of your bouncing tits and the way your body responds to his touch. “that's it, darling,” he encourages, his hands roaming over your curves. “show me how much you love having my cock inside you.”

he increases his pace, his hips snapping against yours with ruthless efficiency. the slap of flesh against flesh fills the room, mixing with your soft whimpers and his deep grunts. in the mirror, he watches you lose yourself to pleasure, your features contorting with each intense wave of orgasmic bliss. “look at me,” he demands, needing to see those beautiful eyes glazed over with lust and submission.

“n-no!” you stutter between your whimper and moan. your hands gripping tightly around the edge of the sink. your eyes tightly shut and your head sink further. he frowns slightly, not liking your refusal. grabbing a fistful of your hair, he yanks your head back, forcing you to meet his gaze in the mirror.

“i said look at me,” he repeats, his tone leaving no room for argument. “i want to see the moment you come apart completely.” his other hand snakes around your body to toy with your nipple, rolling the stiff peak between his fingers. at the same time, he alters his angle of penetration, aiming directly for that spot inside you that makes your toes curl.

“yes, just like that,” he praises, feeling your inner muscles flutter around his invading length. “let go for me, baby. give me everything.” tears stream down your face as suo grabs a fistful of your hair, forcing you to look at him. the tears ruining your mascara. “f-faster,” you murmur.

he snickers at your plea, the sound muffled by the wet sounds of his hips slamming into yours. “faster? you think you can handle even more?” he taunts, a devilish glint in his maroon eyes. increasing his pace to an almost punishing rhythm, he revels in the sight of your body shaking under his assault. each powerful thrust hits that sweet spot inside you, driving you closer and closer to the brink of insanity.

the mirror fogged up from your heavy breathing, creating a steamy backdrop for the erotic spectacle unfolding before them. and in the midst of it all, he can't help but admire the way your body clings to his, the way your walls squeeze down on his cock with each merciless plunge.

“fucking perfect,” he murmurs approvingly, leaning in to nip at the tender skin of your neck. “oh, god, i-i— please don't stop,” you cried. your hand flying around before it lands on suo's hair. your hand desperately grabbing his hair for your support.

he chuckles darkly, loving the way your body writhes against his. “not stopping anytime soon, sweetheart,” he assures you, nipping at your skin with a hunger that matches the ferocity of his movements. with one hand tangled in your hair, he pulls your head back further, exposing the delicate column of your throat to his voracious appetite. his teeth graze along your skin, marking you as his in a primitive show of ownership.

each thrust becomes a promise, a vow of the endless pleasure he intends to give— and take— from you. he can already imagine the marks that will decorate your body, a silent testament to the night’s debauchery. “scream for me,” he demands, his voice laced with raw need. “let everyone know whose cunt is being fucked senseless.”

he redoubles his efforts, the sound of skin slapping against skin growing louder with each passing second. “that's it, scream for me,” he encourages, his voice a guttural whisper against your ear. his hand slides down from your hair, grasping your hip firmly to guide you against his thrusts. the angle shifts, allowing him to hit that sweet spot inside you with even greater precision. you can hear the moans spilling from your lips, echoing off the walls of the bathroom.

looking into the mirror, he takes in the sight of your flushed face, your eyes half-lidded with pleasure. the way your breasts bounce with each impact, nipples hard and begging for attention. it's a feast for his eyes, fueling his desire to claim you fully.

“fucking gorgeous,” he mutters, reaching up to tweak a nipple between his fingers. “i'm— coming,” you mutter as you look at suo from the mirror in front of you. he smirks, watching as your body tenses up, ready to surrender to the overwhelming waves of pleasure. “that's it, let it all out,” he encourages, his own climax looming dangerously close.

with a few more powerful thrusts, he drives you over the edge, milking your orgasm until every last drop of your essence coats his throbbing cock. your cries fill the room, mingling with the lewd sounds of flesh meeting flesh. as you come down from your high, he continues to pound into you relentlessly, chasing his own release. “not done yet,” he growls, his maroon eyes locked onto yours in the mirror.

feeling your pussy clench around him once again, he gives a final, triumphant thrust, his seed spurting hotly inside you. he leans against you, his chest heaving as he tries to catch his breath. “fuck, that was incredible," he murmurs, his words still coming out in pants.

slowly, he pulls out of you, his cum leaking out of your spent pussy. he gives your ass a firm smack, his handprint reddening your skin. “you took my cock well, didn't you?” his hand moves lower, circling your clit teasingly. “but we're not done yet,” he warns, a wicked grin playing on his lips.

he steps back, releasing you from his grasp but keeping his hungry gaze locked on yours. “get on your knees,” he orders, his voice thick with lust. he waits impatiently for you to comply, his cock already starting to harden again at the thought of tasting your arousal. once you're kneeling before him, he grips the base of his shaft, giving it a few strokes to prime himself.

“open wide,” he commands, his maroon eyes blazing with a dark, primal hunger. as you part your lips, he guides his tip to your entrance, coating your tongue with his pre-cum. “mmm, delicious,” he purrs, his hips rocking forward to push deeper into your mouth.

he sets a steady rhythm, fucking your face with long, slow thrusts. the wet sounds of his cock sliding in and out of your mouth fill the room, accompanied by your muffled moans and his low groans of pleasure. he groans, enjoying the warm wetness of your mouth enveloping his cock. “that's it, suck me off,” he encourages, his hands tangling in your hair to guide you.

he watches through half-lidded eyes as you bob your head, taking him deeper with each movement. the sight of your lips stretched tight around his girth sends a thrill of pleasure coursing through his veins. “you like this, don't you?” he teases, pulling away just enough to watch his cock slide out of your mouth with a pop. “loving the taste of my cum on your tongue.”

your hands moving upward, reaching for his hands to hold while your head moves in and out through his cock. he lets out a low chuckle, amused by your desperate attempts to anchor yourself while servicing him. “such a needy little thing, aren't you?” he taunts, tightening his grip on your hair.

emboldened by your submission, he starts to pick up speed, fucking your mouth with reckless abandon. the wet slap of his thighs against your chin and the obscene suction of your lips around his cock fill the air. “you're going to make me cum again if you keep this up,” he warns, his voice strained with pleasure.

but there's no denying the telltale twitch in his balls, signaling his impending release. he grins down at you, his maroon eyes gleaming with satisfaction. “that's right, take it all,” he urges, feeling his climax building at the base of his spine.

with a few more forceful thrusts, he reaches his peak, his seed shooting forth in hot jets that flood your mouth. he holds you still, making sure you swallow every drop, marking you internally as much as externally.

as the spasms subside, he slowly pulls free from your lips, a string of saliva connecting them for a moment before breaking. “good girl,” he praises, stroking your cheek gently with the back of his hand. you look up at him, eyes wide open with your lips glistening from his cum. he stares down at you, admiring the way your lips glisten with his cum. a sense of possessiveness washes over him, knowing that you've taken so much of him inside you.

he helps to stand properly before giving your forehead a kiss gently. despite the intense passion they just shared, his touch is gentle now, almost reverent. it's as if he's worshipping you with his hands, tracing the lines of your body as if committing them to memory.

“you're so beautiful,” he murmurs, leaning in to capture your lips in a tender kiss. there's no hunger in this kiss, only a profound sense of connection, of two souls intertwined.he deepens the kiss, savoring the taste of his own essence on your lips. When he finally breaks away, he gazes into your eyes, his expression softening. “i could get used to this,” he admits, a hint of vulnerability creeping into his usually confident demeanor.

leaning back, he takes in the sight of your flushed cheeks and swollen lips, a visual reminder of their carnal encounter. “let's clean up, shall we?” he suggests, reaching for the tissue nearby to wipe the sweat from his brow.

as he starts to clean himself up, you can't help but feel a mix of emotions swirling within you. there's a tenderness in his touch and voice that contrasts with the possessive, dominant behavior he displayed moments ago.

it's... confusing, to say the least. the way he switches between these two sides of himself, the mix of vulnerability and confidence, leaves you feeling off balance, unsure of what to expect next. as he continues to attend to himself, you find yourself watching him a bit longer than perhaps you should.

he wraps your shirt around your shoulders, his fingers lingering on your skin as he does up the buttons of your shirt. his actions are deliberate, almost tender, a stark contrast to the rough passion of moments ago.

as he fastens your bra, his thumbs brush against the sensitive undersides of your breasts, sending a shiver down your spine. “remember when we first met?” he asks, a wistful note in his voice. “i never imagined our paths would cross again, let alone lead us here.”

he pauses, looking at you with an intensity that makes your heart flutter, “but I'm glad fate brought us together, because being with you feels like...coming home.”

his words and tender gestures have an unexpected effect on you. your heart pounds in your chest as his fingers graze your skin, leaving trails of heat in their wake. the contrast between his dominating and tender behavior is almost dizzying. it's like you're seeing two sides of him at once, and you're not sure which one is real. you swallow hard, trying to steady your voice as you reply, your words almost catching in your throat. “i... i never thought I'd see you again, either.”

he finally finishes buttoning your shirt, his hands tracing down the front of the fabric, his fingertips lingering over your chest before he takes a step back. he studies you for a moment, a soft, almost thoughtful expression on his face. he reaches up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, his touch achingly gentle. "you're even more beautiful than i remembered," he murmurs, his words sincere and raw.

“and now that i have you back, i'm never letting you go again,” he vows, his tone leaving no room for doubt. cupping your face in his hands, he tilts your head up to meet his gaze. “we've both changed since then, grown in ways neither of us could have anticipated. but one thing remains constant— the way you make me feel alive.”

he presses his forehead against yours, his eyes slipping shut as he inhales deeply, as if breathing in your very essence. “stay with me tonight,” he pleads softly, his voice raw with emotion. “let me show you how much you mean to me.”

his words make your heart leap in your chest. there's a tenderness to his tone and his touch that feels almost alien to you, given the dominant and possessive behaviors he's displayed up until now.

you find yourself melting under his gentle touch, his plea echoing in your ears. your thoughts race, your mind torn between desire and uncertainty. a soft sigh escapes your lips as you finally find your voice. “i don't know, suo. this is all so... sudden. i never expected to see you again, let alone like this...”

his expression falters for a moment, his shoulders slumping slightly as he absorbs your words. his fingers trace lightly across your cheek, his touch betraying a hint of vulnerability in that gesture.

he takes a step back, a small space opening between you. he looks at you for a moment, his eye searching your face as if searching for something. after a few tense seconds, he speaks again, his voice softer than before, “i understand if you need time to process everything. but i meant what i said. i want you in my life again, and i'll do anything to make that happen.”

he pauses, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. “just... promise me you'll think about it, will you? give us a chance, see where this goes. because i can't deny this connection between us, and i know you feel it too.” the vulnerability in his voice and his body language are so different from his usual confident demeanor. it's almost... endearing, in a way. it's not something you'd expect from someone as intense and dominating as him, and it throws you off balance even more.

“okay..” you nod.

his expression immediately brightens up at your response, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. he steps closer again, closing the gap between you. his hands find their way back to your hips, pulling you gently against his body. he looks down at you, his eye tender and searching as he studies your face.

[amazinglyashy]

Priceless -

But what does mahogany matter- inset with designs of rich gold swirled with wood burning, carved out crows along the panels of his desk top, the finest leather fitted perfectly on the most comfortable office chair custom made- if he couldn't have you, sitting on that very desktop, legs spread just slightly as he pressed into you deeply for a kiss. For another. And another. And another-

What does marble matter- expensive swirls of deep forest green with even darker blacks across the counter tops of a kitchen he rarely utilizes for personal use- if he can't dance behind those very same countertops with you, spinning you across the slate floor in the pale glow of the lights underneath the cupboards.

And would velvet mean anything if not adorned across you and your very form- draping over the curves and edges of your body in the most delicious ways, held together by expensive threading and a price Sylus would pay again and again just to tear those very threads apart from your body in desperation and need.

Would any of these things mean anything to him- for all their cost, for everything that they were worth down to the penny- if he didn't get to share them with you? Obviously, they had meant something to him before he had met you. So most would easily say the answer was a resounding yes. But that wasn't actually true now, was it?

It could never be true.

Because while he could collect the things he liked- decorate with items that suited his tastes, all due to the riches he had amassed, none of it truly mattered if he didn't have you.

Because his feet didn't need to be moving over slate as he spun you around in the kitchen. Linoleum peeling at the edges would do just fine, as long as it was your hand in his as he twirled you around in the dim light of the evening.

And he'd settle for lifting you to the bathroom counter for his kiss, if the desktop was too cheaply made to carry any person's weight, twenty dollars at a yard sale, double the price years before on the shelves of a big box store. It didn't matter if he had to push a few of your skincare supplies to the side to achieve the depth he wanted, as long as his lips pressed into yours almost as if the two of you were one.

It had taken him rhyme and riches to reach you, across the sea of stars that sparkled in your eyes whenever he took you out so late into the night, watching you watch the sky out the window whenever he stopped at a light. But none of it mattered as much as you did to him. He would give up every penny, every weapon, safe house, sports car or bike, fitted suit, and aged wine, all in a heartbeat if it meant keeping you.

And he hoped he could spend every waking moment making you realize just how much you mattered to him.

After all, you were truly priceless.

[eufezco]

THREE LIES AT ONCE

FINNICK ODAIR X FEM!STYLIST!READER

this is based on a prompt from character.ai c:

SYNOPSIS -> You're his stylist and you discover bruises.

You liked it when Finnick visited the Capitol and Finnick hated doing it except for the fact that he knew you would be there.

You had already earned a reputation as a stylist in the Capitol when you two met. And it had been four years since Finnick won his games but President Snow had kept him close because nothing was more appealing than a charming boy in his twenties to the people of the Capitol.

You learned from the best. Cinna taught you everything he knew about fashion and then made you forget about it all so you could build your own style. It actually worked quite well because your designs were sold in the Capitol as if people needed them to live.

Your colors and characteristic shapes, your outrageous skirts, your long dresses, and your headdresses were worn by everyone, men and women fought over your designs and they spent all their savings on your clothes. President Snow was more than delighted with you, not only because his granddaughter deeply admired you but because you knew how to be liked, and he loved that about you.

That's why President Snow found the perfect match with Finnick and you and for once in his life, he did something right.

Finnick became your muse. From the moment you were introduced at the Capitol and you saw him walking towards you with those bright green eyes, his perfectly messy blonde hair, his tanned skin thanks to the way the sun in District 4, and his body that looked like it had been sculpted by the gods. You knew you never wanted to design anything else but for him.

―When did you arrive and how is it that you haven't come to see me earlier? ―You threw yourself into his arms, your fingers dug into his blond locks of hair. This was not the typical relationship that stylists used to have with their models but after working with him for a couple of years now, it was inevitable that some affection would grow between the two of you. Especially when, during his stays in the Capitol, you spent most of your time together. You were the only thing that kept him from going crazy.

He would sit and watch you while you sketched out his next outfit. You would share a drink and ask him questions about how his life was back in District 4. Finnick loved to talk about his home and you loved to imagine yourself there, in the places that Finnick described to you so precisely. The sea reaching your feet, the sun shining against your skin, the sound of seagulls flying across the bluest sky you had ever seen... And for some reason that you were still trying to figure out, every time you imagined yourself in one of those scenarios, he was by your side. District 4 seemed like a lovely place.

Finnick's arms wrapped around your waist while his face hid in the crook of your neck. He inhaled your familiar scent when you hugged, too sweet for the Capitol, not like the perfume people there used to keep up with their continuous call for attention.

―Yesterday but I was too tired from the trip.

That was the first lie that Finnick told you that night.

There was an expression of relief on your face with something like a small smile on your lips, grateful to see him again after such a long time and when everything in your life was chaos thanks to the preparation of the next games. Your eyes were closed, enjoying him holding you until you heard him say those words and then they opened in a combination of surprise and confusion.

―Don't think that being tired is an excuse for not coming to see me, Finnick Odair. That should always be the first thing you do as soon as you set foot here. ―You said, still thinking about why would he lie to you.

You moved apart from the hug and Finnick had a big smile on his lips that inevitably made you smile too. ―I'm sorry. ―He apologized.

―You better be. But now I need you to tell me if you like it.

You turned to grab your notebook and showed him the sketch you drew. Finnick took the notebook from your hands so he could take a better look and admire every detail.

―This is beautiful. You're an artist. I doubt there is anyone half as good as you in the whole Panem.

―Oh, there's Cinna. I haven't managed to dethrone him yet.

―Come on, you outdid Cinna a long time ago. He says so himself. The student surpassed the master, there's nothing wrong with that.

You shook your head and said nothing. Finnick rolled his eyes, he knew you didn't like hearing from him or anyone else that you were better than Cinna. Not even when Cinna himself tells you.

―Have you started sewing it yet? Can I see it?

―That's why I needed to see you. I haven't started yet because I need to measure you again. The last time you wore one of my garments it was too tight. I don't want to risk it not fitting you this time. ―You grabbed the measuring tape and pins from the table in your studio, full of fabrics and patterns for the new tributes. Cinna had given you his notebook with some beautiful sketches and had told you that he needed something similar but for the male tribute, a guy named Peeta Mellark from District 12, and you had been working day and night to meet Cinna's expectations. ―The robe is behind the dressing screen.

―Yes ma'am.

Finnick walked over without saying another word. You admired his figure as he walked away. Finnick's back was twice as wide as when you met him, his arms had grown stronger, now you could identify each of the muscles in them and his legs had also doubled in size, unfortunately, Finnick loved to wear long skirts, if it were up to you he would be showing them all the time. The features of his face had also changed, now they were more pronounced. Finnick's dimples were more visible and his jaw was so sharp you'd swear if you slid your finger along it you'd cut yourself.

―This looks great on you. I don't know why I try to design you something new every time. I should let you go around with that.

Finnick shook his head, failing in his attempt not to laugh at your stupid joke. ―You are not only the best designer but also the funniest one, huh?

You rolled your eyes. Finnick knew you didn't like it when he told you that and he did it on purpose to tease you. ―Come on, take it off.

Finnick stood before the mirror as you stood behind him. Once he slipped it off, you gasped and jumped back, horrified.

―Gosh, Finnick, what is this? ―You took a few steps backward at the sight of the bruises that trailed down his back. By their bright red color you would say were rather recent. You didn't know how to react, you were petrified staring at his back.

Finnick smiled, dismissing what you just saw with practiced charm. ―Ah, just a little souvenir. My lovers like to play rough. Don’t worry your pretty little head about it.

That was the second lie Finnick told you that night.

Finnick's chest was heavy but he was trying to keep his cool. He had assumed that by the time the two of you saw each other the wounds would have healed, besides the fact that he didn't think he would have to undress in front of you.

―Your lovers? This absolute atrocity was done by one of your lovers?

―They were probably just a little too... enthusiastic. Besides, I don't have a problem with it, I like it. My skin heals fast so I'll be all good in no time.

And that was the third lie. His skin did not heal fast. You had always told him off for coming to dress rehearsals all bruised up from his training sessions and those bruises had lasted for days. These new ones were sure to stay on his skin for at least a month.

―How can some one like this?

Finnick could hear the disdain in your voice. You should be disgusted, horrified and definitely judging him, but don't worry, so was he.

―Honey, if you don't understand it's not my problem.

―No, you're right. I don't understand. I don't think you enjoyed that.

―Oh, you're gonna tell me what I can or cannot enjoy?

―Have you seen your back? Have you seen how bad this looks?

Finnick chuckled. ―I don't know why you're making such a big deal out of this. Do you need all the details? Is the life of a stylist so boring?

―Finnick, listen to me. I don't want all the details I want the truth, and now it's the perfect time to start. ―You said. You grabbed him by his shoulders and turned him around to look at you. Finnick groaned as your hands were placed on his shoulders and when he stood face to face with you, he could see how upset you were.

―I don't know what you're talking about. ―He bit the inside of his cheeks, that was just what he had been told, not to tell anyone the truth about what had happened. He saw you roll your eyes and let all the air out of your body through your mouth, annoyed.

―I know that you didn't arrive yesterday. Cinna told me. Do you really think you can go unnoticed? Here? And I know for a fact that those bruises are not from one of your lovers, let alone that they were done to you a couple of days ago.

Finnick swallowed, looking at you with his head held high. He tried to keep the smile on his lips, pretending that everything was okay, that he did enjoy it when those bruises were inflicted on him, but his lower lip betrayed him and began to tremble. You bent down to pick up the robe and carefully threw it over his shoulders so he wouldn't feel so exposed. Finnick's head was bowed. You lifted it using your thumb and index finger on his chin very gently.

―I need you to tell me who did this to you. I can't help you if you don't tell me.

Finnick chuckled amid the sadness and shame he was feeling. ―Help me? You can't help me.

―I'm sure there's something I can do. I could―.

―They were Peacekeepers following Snow's orders.

Your jaw dropped and your heart rate accelerated. It was the first time that Finnick was admitting that to someone. It had been impossible to tell anyone, let alone a citizen of the Capitol like you. Finnick couldn't possibly admit that without compromising his carefully cultivated image. Besides, if he made himself out to be a victim, the Capitol would never allow someone they saw as weak to perform the role of the Golden Boy and all the people he cared about in District 4 would die. At that moment you realized that all the times he showed up at your studio claiming that his injuries were from training were not true and you felt sick to your stomach.

―How did it happen? ―You asked, swallowing the lump that had formed in your throat

―I tried to leave the Capitol. Before I could get on the train back to District 4 I was arrested by Peacekeepers and they took me to Snow's mansion. A lot of people came and when I refused to see them... I've been locked up there since then, that's why I couldn't come to see you earlier.

You shook your head, feeling awful. ―Don't worry about it, Finnick. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. ―Your stomach complained and begged your brain to stop imagining everything that Finnick would have been put through since then. The beatings, the strangers paying to sneak into his bed, the Peacekeepers bursting into his room and leaving him bleeding on the floor...

―Snow likes me. There has to be something I can do for you.

―You don't understand. It's not something that I can quit.

―I can spend all day designing and sewing to pay Snow the money he would make with you. I can talk to Cinna to raise the price of our designs. People here are rotten with money, they'll keep buying them anyway.

―It's not that simple. You can't just buy my freedom.

―Has anyone tried before?

Finnick thought about it and shook his head. ―Snow wouldn't allow that to happen. ―You ran your hand over your face in despair, not knowing what else to do to help him and feeling a responsibility to do something about it. You were the citizen of the Capitol, the one who had superior status and the favor of Snow, there must be something you could do.

―What if I buy you?

Finnick's eyes widened in surprise. ―Buy me?

You nodded and realized how bad that sounded. ―But not in like, a slave type of way. Gosh that sounded awful. I would just― Do it so you can live your life in your district. I wouldn't― keep you here, no. You'd just have to come to the Capitol a couple of times, make a few public appearances, and leave again.

―Why would you do that for me?

You bit the inside of your cheeks and nodded. ―You're my friend. I care about you.

You had managed to give him something he had long been missing. Hope. Maybe what you wanted to do would work or maybe not but at that moment Finnick felt that someone cared and that gave him hope that everything would work out.

Finnick took a step forward and placed his hands on your cheeks. He leaned in slightly and connected his lips with yours. Your hands ended up resting against his warm bare chest, closing your eyes and allowing him to kiss you. You knew it was the emotion of the moment, the adrenaline rush of knowing that maybe he could live his life in peace. You had given him hope and he was happy that someone had shed some light on his situation.

When you parted ways after the kiss, you both were smiling.

―Go and put your pants on, I'll treat your bruises.

―Do you know how?

―Well, not really, but I'm not short of needle and thread and I still have some alcohol from last night.

Finnick pressed his lips together and nodded. That would work. He walked to the dressing screen and you watched him as he walked away in the mirror's reflection. Before hiding behind the dressing screen, he said something that lit up a flame in your heart and made butterflies flutter in your stomach.

―I wish you would come with me to District 4.

my requests for the hunger games are open 📥

[typhlonectes]

Why Is the Elusive Colossal Squid So Hard to Come Across?

Though rarely seen, the colossal squid lurks deep beneath the surface.

We’ve known about the colossal squid for nearly 150 years. Zoologist Japetus Steenstrup first reported on the species in 1857 after reading reports of it washing up on ocean shores. But there’s still a lot that we don’t know about it because it’s so hard to study. Its reproductive patterns, mating and hunting patterns are still largely unknown because we hardly ever see it in action. Nonetheless, ever since Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Seas, we’ve been captivated by this supersized cephalopod.

As long as a semi-truck and weighing as much as a ton — the colossal squid lives up to its name. With a massive beak and eyes the size of a human head, this enormous animal with eight arms and two extra-long tentacles has mainly remained elusive for much of human history. But in recent years, as humans have become better equipped to dive deeper into vast swaths of unchartered oceans, we’ve enjoyed a few colossal squid sightings...

Read more: https://www.discovermagazine.com/planet-earth/why-is-the-elusive-colossal-squid-so-hard-to-come-across

[dandelionsresilience]

Dandelion News - September 15-21

Like these weekly compilations? Tip me at $kaybarr1735 or check out my new(ly repurposed) Patreon!

1. A beam of hope for North America’s most endangered sparrow

“Dozens of conservationists, gathered some distance away to avoid spooking the skittish sparrows, celebrated the [release of the 1000th captive-raised sparrow] in an unprecedented recovery program that in only a few years has doubled the bird’s wild population, from a mere 80 five years ago to some 200 today. […] “What we have achieved is the best case scenario.””

2. U.S. overdose deaths plummet, saving thousands of lives

“"In the states that have the most rapid data collection systems, we’re seeing declines of twenty percent, thirty percent," said Dr. Nabarun Dasgupta, an expert on street drugs at the University of North Carolina. […] According to Donaldson, many people using fentanyl now carry naloxone, a medication that reverses most opioid overdoses. He said his friends also use street drugs with others nearby, ready to offer aid and support when overdoses occur.”

3. Propagated corals reveal increased resistance to bleaching across the Caribbean during the fatal heat wave of 2023

“”[… Y]oung corals bred for restoration are a lot more resistant to bleaching under extreme levels of heat stress than the prevailing corals on the reef." [… Unlike with the previous propagation strategy, fragmentation, e]very time a population reproduces, new offspring receive newly mixed sets of genes through recombination, making them different from their parent colonies and thus enabling adaptation.”

4. Habitat Management Helps At-Risk Butterflies

“For a number of at-risk butterflies in the United States, habitat management can play an important role in keeping them from going extinct. [… “In] places where people are actively engaged with ways to manage the habitat, the butterflies are doing the best,” said Cheryl Schultz, a professor of conservation biology at Washington State University[….]”

5. Study: Protecting the ocean helps fight malnutrition

“[The study] found that fish catches in coral reefs could increase by up to 20 percent by expanding sustainable-use marine protected areas — that is, areas where some fishing is allowed with restrictions[, … and] that sustainable-use marine protected areas have on average 15 percent more fish biomass than non-protected areas. […] “Allowing regulated fishing in marine protected areas can support healthy fish populations, while also having a positive impact on the quality of life of surrounding communities.””

6. [FWS] Advances Effort to Create Urban Conservation Footprint in Tucson

““We want to continue to work together to create an urban footprint to improve access to nature, conserve habitats, and improve air and water quality.” […] The area provides habitat for several federally listed species, including southwestern willow flycatcher, western yellow-billed cuckoo, and Mexican garter snake. If protected, the area will also help connect critical habitat for jaguar and Chiracahua leopard frog.”

7. ‘Exciting’ solar breakthrough means energy can be kept in sustainable batteries that don’t overheat

“The technology is based on a specially designed molecule of carbon, hydrogen and nitrogen that changes shape when it comes into contact with sunlight. These are common elements - providing an alternative to other technologies relying on scarce materials like lithium. […] A unique feature of the system is that the molecules also provide cooling in the photovoltaic cell[, which can store solar energy “for up to 18 years.”]”

8. Sea turtles make big comeback on sandy beaches at 2 British military bases in Cyprus

“[… The] number of nests surpass[ed] last year’s record count by nearly 25%, environmentalists said Tuesday. […] “The steep increase in turtle nests has been the result of a consistent, systematic ‘hands-off’ approach, together with enforcement efforts to minimize illegal, damaging activities on nesting beaches[….” D]aily patrols by volunteers ensure that aluminum cages set atop the nests remain in place to protect the turtles from predators like foxes and dogs.”

9. First ever photograph of rare bird species New Britain Goshawk

“The last documented scientific record of the bird is from 1969[….] Working closely with [“the Indigenous Mengen and Mamusi peoples”], WWF hopes to support local stewardship to safeguard the future of these incredible biodiversity hotspots through community-led conservation.”

10. Hospitals begin offering breakthrough radiation therapy for metastatic cancer tumors

“[First,] a patient is injected with a radioactive glucose (or sugar) tracer. The machine picks up the tracer in real time and in bright colors, [… then] reads a signal from the cancer cells breaking down the tracer. [… “The] machine is automatically and autonomously reacting and responding to those signals by shooting radiation back to their source[….]””

September 8-14 news here | (all credit for images and written material can be found at the source linked; I don’t claim credit for anything but curating.)

[woso-dreamzzz]

Arguments II

Alexia Putellas x Hardersson!Reader

Natalia Guijarro (OC) x Hardersson!Reader

Part of The Big Adventures Universe

Summary: Your first argument

You weren't really one to argue.

You didn't enjoy confrontations. You didn't like yelling.

But you knew this was where it was heading.

Talia stewed in the driver's seat all the way home, her knuckles white as she gripped the steering wheel.

This wasn't how you wanted her to find out.

You had been lucky, you think. You and Talia didn't argue. You had disagreements over silly things over when to feed the pets and whose turn it was to do the laundry.

But you knew, just by looking at the way Talia's jaw clenched that this was heading toward an argument.

You prepare yourself.

It happens almost as soon as the apartment door is closed.

"Lyon?!" She demands," Really, Lyon?!"

It wasn't the best way for Talia to find out, you can admit that. It wasn't that you were trying to keep it a secret. It was that you were told not to talk about it while the details were worked out.

You sigh. "I'm sorry but-"

"I thought you were happy here!" Talia interrupts," At Barcelona. In Spain. With me!"

"I am!"

"You're leaving!" Talia yells," You're leaving!"

"I'm not!" You snap back, hands clenching into fists as you dig your nails into your palm.

Talia scoffs. "Oh, forgive me if I'm wrong but Lyon is in France, yes?! So, yeah, y/n, you're leaving!"

"You're blowing this out of proportion!" You stand chest to chest with her.

You're practically the same height as her now so you're both yelling straight in each other's face.

(You have to concentrate as to not connect your lips to hers because it's unfair just how attractive she is while yelling).

The loan to Lyon had come out of nowhere, as was most emergency loans. It was a string of bad luck for the French team, their keepers dropping like flies until all that was left was two academy players who had never played for the senior team.

You, on the other hand, were twenty-one years old already with six years experience and a world cup win under your belt. You were a proven winner and Lyon were willing to throw an extortionate amount of money at Barcelona to get you on loan.

They offered you bonuses that was bordering on more zeros at the end of a number than you'd ever seen.

Lyon had been knocking on the door when your agent let clubs know you were leaving Arsenal. It had been a toss up between them and Barcelona.

But you chose Barcelona and they still kept knocking.

You agreed to the loan though, if only to get experience in a different league.

"If you want to leave," Talia yells," Then there's the door!"

"Oh, yeah? Well maybe I will!"

"Go on then!"

"Fine!

"Fine!"

You whistle as you make it to the door, crouching down to clip on Prins' leash before storming out into the hallway.

You choose to take the stairs instead of the elevator, working out some of your frustration on the way.

Prins' leash gets clipped onto your belt loop and you take off on a controlled jog around the neighbourhood.

Talia calls you.

You ignore it.

She call you again.

You don't want to continue this argument.

You turn off your phone.

You keep jogging, your feet pounding onto the pavement.

Prins runs next to you happily. He's always been able to keep up on your morning runs and a random afternoon run doesn't seem to faze him either.

Your mind runs just like your feet as you overthink all of your little interactions in the argument earlier. You wonder, briefly, if this means you and Talia have broken up now.

You hope not.

You're not sure how you would cope if Talia broke up with you over this.

Your running slows to a walk as you make your way to the beach. You sit on the sand and just stare out across the sea.

Prins whines a little bit, stamping his feet on the ground.

"Sorry," You say, unclipping his leash so he can run," There you go."

He doesn't though. He just whines a bit more, shuffling closer until his snout is pressed up against your face.

You smile.

"Thanks, Prins," You say, tearfully," You're a good boy."

His tail wags happily.

"He is a good boy."

You nearly burst into tears are hearing a familiar voice behind you.

"Hi, Alexia."

"Hi."

She sits down next to you and you bury your face in Prins' fur, not wanting her to see you cry.

"Nat's worried," Alexia says," She's calling everyone to see where you've gone."

"I turned off my phone. I didn't want to argue anymore."

Alexia frowns. "You argued with each other? That doesn't sound right."

"She was very angry," You whisper, turning on your phone in your pocket.

Alexia can just hear you over the roar of the sea. You've still got your head buried against Prins so your words are muffled.

"She's not angry anymore," Alexia says," She's very, very worried. You've been gone for nearly two hours."

That doesn't sound right, you think but when you fish out your phone, Alexia's right.

You've been running for nearly two hours since the argument.

"Oh."

Alexia chuckles. "Yeah, oh. You've had people looking for you. I think Nat even called your parents."

"I didn't want her to worry. I just wanted to stop arguing," You mumble.

"That's okay," Alexia assures you," But maybe you should shoot her a text telling her where you are so she doesn't worry anymore, huh?"

"Okay."

You text Talia your whereabouts.

There's silence for a long while between you both, nothing but the ocean and occasionally Prins shuffling around to get comfortable.

The sun is setting when Alexia speaks again.

"What were you arguing about?"

"I'm moving to Lyon," You say and Alexia jolts.

"What?" She asks in disbelief," Why? Does Barcelona not make you happy anymore?"

You give her an odd look. "No, it does, but staying out for one season wouldn't do any harm. Lyon has no keepers. Barcelona has two others plus that La Masia girl."

"The one that's always following you around?"

"I think it's sweet. She's good." You shrug. "I'll be back next year anyway."

"Wait..." Alexia blinks a few times. "What do you mean you'll be back next year?"

"It's only a loan," You reply," They're..." Your face goes red. "Lyon's offering the club a lot plus a bonus for me." You're sure that you resemble a tomato right now. "It's a lot of money. Enough to pay for a house in cash. Talia mentioned about maybe finding a place for ourselves."

"You want to buy Nat a house?"

"Well, I want to buy us a house." You frown. "Sorry...is it too early in a relationship to consider that? My Morsa said she was envisioning a house with Momma within the first month."

"No!" Alexia assures you," It's sweet. You're sweet, y/n, but I think there's been a bit of a misunderstanding."

You turn to look at her. "A misunderstanding? Over what?"

She doesn't get to answer because a body crashes into you and a phone is shoved into your face.

"I found her!" Talia exclaims," I've got her! I've got her!"

On the phone screen is your mothers, both pressed up against each other as they stare.

"Don't do that!" Morsa immediately jumps into a lecture. "Do you know how worried we were?! We called you so many times! We thought you were dead in a ditch!"

"I had Prins with me." It's a weak defence and you know it but you have to at least try. "He wouldn't let anything happen to me."

"Princesse, I love you but your dog is as dumb as a pile of bricks," Morsa says," But I'm glad you're okay."

"You can go to France," Talia says quickly," Not that you need my permission but if you want to go then go. I'm sorry that I yelled. If you want to leave Barcelona then go but-"

"Leave?" You repeat," I'm not leaving. I'm just going on loan."

If you weren't still a little worried about Talia breaking up with you then you'd find the shocked look on her face comical.

"What?"

"It's just a loan," You say," I...erm...They're willing to give me a lot of money for it. I thought, maybe, we could use it to get a house."

"I...You...We...You want to get a house with me?"

"I mean...er, if you want that too. I know that-"

You don't get to finish because Talia drops her phone to pull you into a kiss.

"Yes, I want to get a house with you."

[trancylovecraft]

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ WANDERILLUSTREOUS!: Chapter One!

(YANDERE GENSHIN VARIOUS x READER)

[F/N] [L/N], A twenty-two year old college student goes about her mundane life. Most people would describe her as content, And maybe [F/N] would've described it as such too- Her life. Over and over again, Day after day, The cycle never stops. That is, However, Until she suddenly drops into Genshin Impact out of nowhere. In any other case, [F/N] might have been glad to be there. In a fantasy land where she had only ever visited in her dreams, With a feeling she couldn't describe flooding her entire being. However, [F/N] couldn't be further from excited.. She had never played Genshin in her life. [F/N] threw her head into her hands, Holding back the urge to scream. “I’m absolutely screwed, Aren’t I?”

*ੈ✩‧₊˚AO3 LINK *ೃ༄

GENDER: Femme LIST OF YANDERE'S: https://pastebin.com/ErsuA2cz SONG: RISK, RISK, RISK! - Jhariah NOTE: N/A

PROLOGUE *ੈ✩‧₊˚ MASTERLIST *ੈ✩‧₊˚˚ NEXT PART (ON AO3) *

To say that [F/N] had never played Genshin Impact in her life, Was a bit of an exaggeration.

She had played Genshin. However it was a good couple of years ago, And even then it had only been up until she had arrived in Mondstadt.

It was a rather boring night, [F/N] could recall. She had only downloaded the game after seeing it all over her social media, Flickering through her TikTok with thinned lips as she saw edit after edit, Listened to audio after audio, Read reference after reference of which she couldn’t understand.

Her thumb was hesitant as it tapped the download button on the app store.

It really didn’t seem like something she’d be interested in..

But when even her friends began to start raving about it..

After waiting the nail-biting time it took to download on her phone, She finally got to play, Her phone held landscape in both hands as she gripped it tight. Blue light lit up her face, Eyes burning at the sudden glare within her dark room.

She had ran around after the cutscenes ended, When she had chosen the sister and her brother was subsequently taken away. [F/N] went around, Hit a few of the enemies, Did a few of the character cutscenes, Picked up a few apples..

In all honestly, [F/N] couldn’t understand the appeal.

The characters she had so far met, A girl with reddish clothing and an effeminate boy coddling a dragon, Both weren’t really that promising. The girl especially. [F/N]’s eyes rolled after the fifth dialogue box flew by.

[F/N] had then uninstalled the app with a display of disappointment on her face.

It really wasn’t for her after all.

“Jesus-! Does there really need to be so much twigs..?! Man- My feet are gonna be bleeding at this rate.”

“Jesus? What’s a Jesus?”

“Uuh- No- It’s uhm..”

Which really sucked, Considering her current predicament.

“Woah..! Look at that!”

[F/N] pushed herself up, Finally trudging uphill to now stand perched atop the peak of the entire valley. The sky, A bold blue with white clouds stricken across such a wondrous canvas- [F/N] could only marvel, Feeling her breath be taken by the wind as she looked out over the sea of her surroundings.

Mountains and valleys, With the named city faded off in the distance- Towering windmills cutting the sky open like blades as the bird continued to soar around them. [F/N] could only watch as their wings beat against the wind, Wild and free.

Her eyes trailed down, Centring on what was now before her.

A crescent shaped valley, Careened off by the surrounding headlands. [F/N] felt her heart pound in her chest as she gazed across the trickling ring of water in the middle, Surrounding a small island like a moat.

And a carved stone pillar, Holding a beautifully chiselled statue atop it.

[F/N] let go of her breath, Her eyes ablaze.

Mondstadt. She was in Mondstadt. The first location within Genshin Impact, At least she knew that. By the cool winds that danced across the grasslands she was traversing through, Carrying the revitalising scent of saccharine rosebuds and rejuvenating sweet flowers-

The wide horizon with far away mountains- Snow-capped peaks fading into the ocean blue of the sky as the gulls above continued to soar-

Yeah, This place was way too good for real life.

She was in Mondstadt, No doubt.

“That’s a statue of the seven..!” Paimon gasped as she looked out across the valley, Excitedly pointing down towards the statue below them.  “There are a few of these statues scattered across the land to show The Seven's protection over the world.”

“The seven?”

“Yeah..! The seven! Though.. Paimon guesses that you haven’t heard of them.. They’re the gods that rule over Teyvat!”

A neuron clicked in her head.

Oh yeah, The Archons, [F/N]’s heard of them.

Mostly from thirst traps.

“No, No. I think I’ve got an idea about who they are.” [F/N] nodded her head as she looked out across the valley, Sweeping the dirt and dust and hair out of her eyes as she took in the cool air. 

Paimon nodded happily, Turning back towards the statue.

“Mondstadt is ruled by the Anemo God, Barbatos! You think he has any idea about how you ended up here?” She asked in thought as she began to float away, Beckoning [F/N] to follow her down towards the statue.

[F/N] shook her head, Beginning to trail along with an uneasy look.

“I don’t know-” She exasperated, Yelping as she almost trips over a stray rock. “Look- All I want to do is just- I don’t know.. Find a place to gather my thoughts, And get a good meal. I don’t know if this ‘Barbatos’ guy knows what happened to me, But I’ll figure it out once I get my stomach full and my head to stop pounding.. Ah, Jeez..”

“Paimon agrees! Spinning around and around in a whirlpool really builds up an appetite..!”

And fishing a fairy out of one too. [F/N] could almost feel her stomach doing kickflips.

[F/N] groaned as she trudged along. According to what fleeting memory she had of the beginning of this game, The traveller- The sister- She had made her way to the little island in the middle of the statue- Pressed her palm against the cracked stone and suddenly she was able to control the element of Anemo.

Was [F/N] capable of doing the same? Was she meant to do the same?

She had taken the traveller's place after all. 

Eventually, [F/N] managed to stumble along, Following the fairy to the miniature shore of the ring pool with only a few more scrapes added to the bottom of her feet. She winced. As soon as she got the chance, [F/N] was getting a pair of shoes, Supposing that was another thing to add to the list.

Snapped out of her thoughts, [F/N] shot Paimon the dirtiest look when she said she had to swim.

[F/N] shuddered.

Tossing her bag to the side, [F/N] took in a deep breath.

Anything to progress the plot, She supposed.

“Ugh, Dangit.. There goes any semblance of warmth I have.”

[F/N] whimpered, Absolutely drenched in spring water. Dripping from her hair, Her clothes and the tip of her nose all cold soaked in dew. Making her look like a wet cat as she stood in the centre of the small island, [F/N] tried not to shake as she felt the water crawl down her back.

Turning away, She tried to refocus.

[F/N] took a deep breath in, Shuddering as droplets continued to trickle down her body, Her legs. With a sharp exhale she reached out her hand towards the cracked stone pillar, Her fingers twitching.

Her palm pressed flat against the stone, Just like the traveller did in canon, Cold and coarse against her touch.

The wind continued to blow through the valley, The floral scent still invading her senses. For a moment, Nothing had happened. [F/N] almost expected it not to work, Did she want it to work?

“What the-”

The statue began to glow, The sphere held up like the moon in the statue’s hands began to radiate light like the sun.

[F/N] stumbled back, Eyes widening in shock as she felt the wind begin to pick up around her. Roaring and waving- A speck of light picking up from the sphere, Swirling and swaying in the wind-

Heading right towards [F/N].

“Ack-!” [F/N] yelped out as she felt the wisp crash into her chest with the toll of a wind chime. She backed up, Almost tripping over the stray rocks as a sudden spark spread across her body like wildfire.

Her headache began to cool, The ache in her feet began to dull.

A strange tranquillity (?) washing over her.

“Ooh! Did you just feel the elements of the world?” Paimon gasped as she almost zoomed towards her, Eyes batting as she looked over [F/N]’s figure.

“I-I guess so..?” She replied hesitantly, Her hands patting down her body, Almost frantic, As if looking for some kind of injury. Though thankfully to her relief, She found no cuts or gashes or whatever else Her body was uninjured-

Quite the opposite, [F/N]’s eyes widened when she realised the cuts on her feet were no longer present.

“Huh.. It healed me..?” She whispered, Her eyes shining, Amazed.

“Seems all you had to do was just touch the statue and you got the power of Anemo!” Paimon marvelled, Blinking in wonder as she turned to look at her. 

“I.. I did?” [F/N] blinked as she felt a sudden power wash over her- Cool and sublime just like the saccharine winds that danced throughout the little island she stood on. How strange. She felt a shiver trail down her spine as the wind crept up her back.

She got the power of Anemo? But she didn’t feel any different..

“Searching for the Anemo Archon should be our long-term goal! Finding out why you came into Teyvat is your goal right? Or is Paimon getting that messed up..?” Paimon asked, A hand on her chin in thought.

[F/N] blinked.

Her goal?

[F/N] hadn’t thought about a goal.

“Yeah. You’re right..” She spoke slowly, Controlled. Her head nodding. [F/N] supposed that she needed to set some kind long-term goal set in mind. “I need to find out how I got here. Yeah. I need to figure out how I got into this world- You’re right.”

Paimon smiled.

“Of course I am, Paimon’s always right!” The fairy hmphed, Arms folding as an expression of pride across her face. “Perhaps, because you got power from the God of Anemo, you can find some clues in Mondstadt! And as your guide, Paimon will be glad to take you!”

[F/N] took a deep breath in, Took in the flowers- The pollen. The air so much clearer than in the suburbia she was use to kicking about in. She shuddered. [F/N] still felt like a fish out of water, Like a sheep out of her pen- Like a person who was never meant to be here-

But she needed to stay calm. She needed to stay focused.

Turning to Paimon, [F/N] gave her a curt nod and a short agreement left her lips. A grateful look in her eyes, Thankful for at least some kind of guide in this place- This foreign planet. Even if her guide was a little uncanny- With her big eyes and the way she seemed to float mid-air- [F/N] was glad she had at least some form of guidance here. 

Paimon grinned, Beckoning her forward.

“Come on then, Let’s head to Mondstadt!”

⭒❅✸✪✸❅⭒

“Agh-! The hell is that!?”

[F/N]’s bag dropped to the ground.

Her voice was drowned out by a roar unlike any other, A bellow shaking the earth- 

Shaking the trees as the mass careened over the horizon. It’s roar like an avalanche- Crashing, Enveloping everything-

Tallgrass whipped back from the gales, Pushed by the sheer force of the gale. Flowers trembled. Bugs began to scatter. Worms became unearthed as the ground shook with such vitriol.

[F/N] could only watch in horror.

A dark shadow flew over her. She stood frozen in a down-turned field, Waist-deep in tallgrass that tickled at the dampness on her skin. Her eyes were just as agape as her mouth was, Gasping, Trembling, Head pointed straight up. 

It was a dragon.

A massive- Impossibly sized dragon.

And it was flying right over her.

Talons shining under the heat of the sun, A white underbelly, Horns pointed behind it’s head like a crown. Beady eyes paying her no mind as they wildly searched for a suitable spot. 

The wings, Feathered and ruffled- Gliding across the sky making birds wildly soar away from the bigger fish- Feathers like diamond and crystals scattered across it like a butterfly’s- Tufts flying off as it crashed down upon the forest.

[F/N] tried not to fall from the quake, Rippling out across the land.

“Holy-!” [F/N] cried out as the earthquake finally subsided, Only proving to make her stumble back a few steps. Goosebumps travelled across her skin as she let go of the leather strap of her bag, Slipping out of her grasp.

“Wow! What is that!?”

Paimon's voice cried out from beside her, Shrill and squeaky as it always was. A dragon, Of course it was, [F/N] had no idea how she had forgotten about this part of the game- A dragon whose mere claw was the size of her- Gliding and crashing into the forest with a roar.

[F/N] knew that she wouldn’t forget it now.

She took a step forward, Then another- Her eyes trained in the direction that it had fallen in. Paimon floated forward too, Stars fading in her wake as she 

“It's landed in the heart of the forest. Come on, We should go check it out..!”

“What..!? Are you insane?!”

There was absolutely no way Paimon had just said that.

[F/N] looked at Paimon, Wide-eyed and absolutely baffled. Check it out? What. The massive, Several-story tall dragon that had crashed into the forest and seemed absolutely livid out of it’s mind?

“Yeah- No.” [F/N] shook her head rapidly, Laughing almost sheepishly as a bead of sweat ran down her brow. “Look- Paimon- I don’t know about you but I don’t have any weapons- Or- Or any actual abilities I know how to use yet- But you know what I do have?“

“What?”

“A will to live.”

“Aha..” Paimon giggled awkwardly. Scratching behind her head sheepishly, Almost flushed as the redness of her face began to flare up in embarrassment. 

[F/N] sighed, Pinching her brow.

How did it go in game again?

The traveller had made her way into the heart of the forest after the dragon crashed into it, Fighting low-level enemies with her newfound power and gaining XP quickly rendered useless by the resources she found.

She had hidden behind a tree, Eavesdropping in as the dragon began to communicate with that effeminate boy- Venti, Was it? [F/N] knew of him at least, If only by name. He had been trying to soothe the dragon from what she could recall, However thanks to the traveller- Her presence had disturbed them and therefore made an issue in the plot.

So all [F/N] had to do was just.. Not get involved. 

All she had to do was just pretend she saw nothing and go on about her merry way.

[F/N] sighed, Turning towards Paimon.

“Come on, Let’s just get to Mondstadt- I don’t think this is something we should be getting involved.. In..” [F/N] blinked, Her voice slowly trailing off, Quieter and quieter as her eyes began to focus on something.

“Eh? Traveller? What’s with that face?” Paimon tilted her head, Blinking as she observed the rather befuddled expression crossing her new-companions face. [F/N], In turn, Only narrowed her eyes further, Looking directly behind Paimon.

Raising a shaky finger, She pointed.

“H-Huh..? What is that?”

[F/N] double-takes, Her eyes batting as they observed a hunched over figure sat crouched a good few feet away from her. 

It was curled over, A thick mass of matted fur around it’s hidden neck. [F/N] could almost puke at the sudden smell it gave off. Body the colour of coal, Spine jutting out on it’s back- [F/N] almost wanted to look away-

“Oh- It’s a hilichurl..!” Paimon gasped.

“A hilichurl..?!” [F/N] squeaked.

Well, That explained what it was- A low level enemy in the game. [F/N] was almost prepared to slowly turn around and quietly make her get away. She didn’t have any weapons to fight it, Not that she had much experience anyways.

But she didn’t move an inch. Not when her vision trailed to it’s hands- Fingers thick with chipped nails the colour of dirt and grime as it fiddled around with something unsee-

[F/N]’s eyes widened.

“H-Hey-! Wait- That’s my bag! Stop touching that, It’s mine!”

Her bag, The one she had dropped in shock after that dragon had flew right over her head, The one she had grabbed onto for dear life when she had first fallen into Genshin- It was being raided by what looked to be a decrepit little beast- Hands deep with in the compartments, The zipper ripped right open.

[F/N]’s eyes widened. Her phone, Her food, Her notebook-!

The hilichurl’s head jerked around, Eyes glaring at [F/N] from behind the shoddily painted mask it wore. [F/N] shuddered. The fur around their neck fluffed up, The hilichurl angrily garbled out a war cry. 

Or maybe it was more akin to a ‘catch-me-if-you-can!’

Because it was only a moment later until it began sprinting off in the opposite direction- Bag clutched tightly in its arms, Swiftly sprinting away on it’s hobbled feet while letting out garbled laughter.

“Oh no you don’t-! Come back here!” [F/N] yelled out as she began to take off after it. It didn’t matter whether she had a weapon or not, Or shoes, Only wincing a bit as the pebbles hit against her skin. There was no way she was going to let some small little man run off with her stuff-!

Paimon gasped as she watched [F/N] sprint after the creature, Her voice reaching a peak as she called after them.

“H-Hey! Wait for Paimon..!”

⭒❅✸✪✸❅⭒

“Finally! Got you..!

The hilichurl cried out in a panic as it scurried away. Bag falling to the floor as it ran off into the cover of the trees, Scattering, Sprinting away from [F/N]- Who was just about ready to lunge at it.

“Yeah-! You better run..!” [F/N] heaved as she collapsed onto the grassy, Teeth gritting as she tried to calm down the fire in her chest. Damn it. [F/N] really needed to start doing cardio..

[F/N] gasped.

Her bag.

[F/N]’s hands snatched the leather strap of her fallen bag, Lugging it towards her. What damage could that thing have done to it? Most importantly-

What it could have done to the things inside of it.

[F/N] searched through her bag, Her hands moving feverishly as she counted her belongings. Her dead phone. Her energy drinks. Her notebook? Thank God, Her notebook. Thank God it was all there.

As for the outside?

The Hello-Kitty Charm? Intact. The silver zipper running up the leather? A little muddy but nothing that couldn’t be fixed. [F/N] sighed, Almost feeling her body deflating from the sheer relief she felt in that moment as she grasped onto her poor bag tighter.

“Oh my gosh.. I feel like my heart could explode..” She breathed out as she clutched her bag to her chest, Lungs burning in her chest from how fast she had to run. [F/N] breathed out. She hadn’t any idea how long it had been since she’d had to run that fast.

[F/N] blinked. 

“Paimon..?”

[F/N] raised her head from where it had been resting atop her bag, Confused upon the lack of response. Huh. It seemed the fairy had gone missing.

Or more accurately, [F/N] had left her behind.

“Damnit..” She sighed as she sat there amongst the weeds and the dirt, Having lost her only guide to this entire place- To this video game. [F/N] just sat there breathing in and out, Her chest constricting, Her pyjamas still a mess both damp in saltwater and sweat.

Dang it. [F/N] was a mess.

She breathed out.

Wait..

“Where am I..?” [F/N] blinked, Her head jerking right to left. Eyes as wide as dinner plates as she observed her surroundings.

A forest.

[F/N] sat within a small clearing in a forest, Collapsed to the side of an old trail no doubt made by years of travellers coming through here. It was cool here. The wind quieter than usual yet the floral aroma still lingered in the air.

Tree’s shrouded her, Surrounding the vicinity in all directions. [F/N] bit her lip, Trying to figure out where she had came from. The leaves acted as a canopy, Only letting darting lines of light through to hit the forest floor, Yet not enough to show her where she was going.

[F/N] blinked.

Well, She was lost.

[F/N] cursed herself under her breath. How could she have been so stupid? Running after that thing? Leaving her only guide behind? How could she be so clueless as to not even notice her surroundings.

Pinching her brows, A sigh left her lips.

[F/N] winced as she pushed herself to her feet, Stumbling like a new-born foal as she tried to gather her balance. Great, She was in the middle of an unknown forest without her fairy guide to tell her where exactly to go.

It was a stupid idea to run off like that.

But she couldn’t have just let her bag fall into another’s hands!

Slinging her bag over her shoulder, She began to follow the old path. If [F/N] couldn’t figure out where Paimon was or which way she had to go- Then she’d just follow the path, Right? Sticking to the trail was just common sense, Taught ever since she was little and old enough to go hiking through the woods in her big yellow raincoat.

A smile crossed over her face for only a second, Faint but meaningful. As [F/N] continued to follow down the old path.

Though this trail wasn't as wonderful and adventurous as they felt when she was small.

It didn’t have that same feeling.

That feeling..

“...Don't be afraid.”

What?

[F/N] paused just as her foot was about to press down on the dirt. A young- Feminine sounding voice echoed out from somewhere ahead of her- Around the bend, Further nestled from within.

It was soft like the wind that drifted throughout the trees. It was calm and soothing, Trying to calm down something- Someone. [F/N] raised an eyebrow. It was a rather beautiful voice, One that would sound rather beautiful if it were to sing.

Broken out of her thoughts, She could hear something else too.

[F/N] felt her body move for her. One foot after another. Slowly. Walking towards the sound of the voice and the low- rumbling sound that revved like the engine on a car. It was low, Quiet, Yet it felt intense and threatening all the same.

[F/N] didn’t know why she was heading towards it, Her eyes wide- Searching as she approached the stalk bark of a nearby tree. The rumbling grew louder, And as it did, [F/N] peered around it-

Oh.

You gotta be kidding..!

“ ..It's alright now, I'm back. ” The boy spoke softly as he stood there, Sage green cloak flowing behind him as his hand outstretched to the dragon- Almost touching the snout, But not quite.

The dragon was there, Body hulking over the small frame of the boy yet it stayed back- Either out of hesitation or trepidation- Perched upon a rockside as it almost tried to read the boy’s mind. Steam blew out of it’s nose. A rumbling reverberating from inside of it’s chest like an engine about to take off.

It was a scene [F/N] never thought she’d remember so clearly. Watching as the boy tried to take a few steps closer to the beast, An expression that could only be described as concern struck across his features.

It was him- Venti.

[F/N]’s heart thundered in her chest as she gripped onto the trunk of the tree tighter. Her lips parted, A display of shock and terror upon her face. It was one thing to witness this on a busted up iPhone, It was another to watch this play out before her very eyes.

A cold sweat drew over her.

[F/N] needed to leave. Now.

A quiet yet frantic step back. Her eyes eternally locked on the scene in front of her- Like the dragon would turn to her and lunge any second. Jaw snapping, Teeth clanking, Swallowing her whole in a single bite.

She wasn’t meant to be here- 

[F/N] took a step back, Barefoot pressing down against a feeble twig-

SNAP!

[F/N]’s eyes widened.

The dragon let out a roar.

It shook the forest. Leaves flying off their branches, Squirrels squeaking and beginning to scatter away from the scene. [F/N] yelled out, Almost toppling over from the sheer force of the dragon’s roar-

“Who's there!?” Venti called out in alarm, Eyes darting between the dragon and [F/N]’s general direction. 

The dragon grew restless, Wings batting, Creating gusts of wind that could cause planes to crash out of the sky. Tornadoes to form. It’s beady eyes began to dart wildly in every direction until they landed on Venti, The one trying to soothe it-

With a snarl, It lunged.

In a sudden disappearance- A flash of blue and green he vanished into the wind- Just like that. The dragons jaws snapping down into thin air. A low growl erupting from it’s throat as it realised this- The dragons eyes now latching onto [F/N].

She managed a look up.

And it was coming straight for her.

She gasped, Stumbling back, Afoot caught on an ankle.

THUMP!

“Agh!” [F/N] cried out as she hit the floor. Hard. Her head crashing against the hard surface of a nearby group of rocks. Her body winded and and sore as the beating of the wind hitting against the dampness of her clothes, The dirt across her skin.

The dragon avoided her entirely, Wings beating as it flew over her in a frenzied rage- Taking off into the sky, Wind parting as it carried the beast along. Higher and higher. Raising until it was nothing but a splotch within the clouds.

Gone, Along with the wind it carried.

[F/N] exhaled.

As she laid down against the dirt, The grass tickling her skin- She couldn’t help but feel reminiscent. [F/N] thought it was a little silly considering everything that had just happened- Especially since it was for a time that had happened such a short while back. 

She was back exactly where she had started only an hour or two ago. Lying upon the grass, In the dirt and the mud. Bugs scurried around her form like the chalk outline a detective would grimace at, Creating a picturesque outline upon the ground, Her eyes hazy.

Dang. She was tired.

[F/N] hadn’t gotten any sleep, Not a single bit of shut eye- Even before she had came here. If she was any less sleep deprived she would have regretted her time spent during the early morning hours. For what? Just another chapter to read through on her phone?

[F/N] breathed out. 

It was strange, Per se. Despite the usual lack of tiredness there was something else- A sort of sensation that felt like water beginning to pour over her skin, Seeping in, Flooding throughout her system. It was also reminiscent of her first few moments here, Something that made [F/N]’s breath hitch in her throat- 

It was that feeling.

[F/N] shut her eyes.

What was it called again?

“Hey..! Are you okay..?!”

[kawowoa]

a snapshot of nanami’s life after shibuya

info : everyone lives n no one dies trope, gn. reader, nanami and reader are married, reader in their late fifties, nanami in his early fifties, he’s kinda pathetic for reader, old married couple !!!! not proofread

nanami couldn’t believe how far his life has come. the dream of living along the beach side, lounging away on his balcony that overlooked the sea coming to fruition. he doesn’t regret leaving the jujutsu society knowing this is his life now.

it was almost twenty years ago that the trajectory of his life changed—one that made him realize that life wasn’t for him. he earned his scars, now it was time to rest. the shibuya incident still lives in his mind, half of his body a constant reminder of what happened and what he went through.

if it wasn’t for you, he would’ve been dead; falling into a delusion of his hopeful future life on the beach as his body worked overtime trying to fend of a ward of transfigured humans, who lost there lives to the curses and curse users that put them to that terrible fate. dead would engulf him if you didn’t show up in time with that worried look on your face, calling out to him. you were his savior, someone he knew he wouldn’t mind spending the rest of his life with.

“ken! i’m back!” setting the book down on the side table, he watches from the lounge chair as you head straight to the balcony, that same wide grin you held for years for him on your face. even with your age you still had energy as if you were in your twenties.

you stood in front of him, beaming brightly like you were his personal sun. your crows feet extenuating your bright look. he felt your hands cup his face, your lips peppering kisses along his forehead, even pressing one against his eyepatch. “you’re growing your first grey hair, ken! you’re gonna be catching up to me soon!” you teased, running your fingers through his blonde hair as you leaned over him. the grey hair in question was hard to spot, located on his hairline, seamlessly blending into the rest of his hair.

nanami shook his head, catching your hand in his, running his fingers against the thinning skin of your knuckles. “haha, of course. i wouldn’t mind, i get to match with you.”

you waved nanami off, laughing away with that sweet voice of yours. “oh please! you’re such a sap.”

“it’s true, your hair is beautiful now” his gentle hands tucked a stray piece of your greying hair behind your ear, mimicking the way you just held his face.

you grinned, pressing a kiss to his knuckle before pulling away. the wind swept in between your hair as you gazed at the sun setting beneath the waves. “the days about to end, let’s go to the beach.”

it was nice living on the beach, heading the waves crash against the shore and the seagulls chirping as they flew. the summer days weren’t nanami’s favorite, the heat annoyed him, but at these times where the sun wasn’t melting him and the mixing colors of the sky draped across your body giving it a nice glow was his favorite. he loved looking at you when you were laughing and tugging him along the sand.

you made him and his soul smile.

“i love you, you know that?” nanami tugged you closer as your feet stepped onto the wet sand, the waves tickling against your ankles. “im glad to be here with you.”

“i love you too, im sure anyone would be able to see that” you leaned against him, staring up the stars that began to peek out from the clouds as the sun finally set beneath the ocean. “i wouldn’t have it any other way.”

[slasherscream]

He’s Just Not That Into You

pairing:  jordan li x reader

summary: a hopeless romantic, you keep looking for love in all the wrong places, with all the wrong guys. that is, until you meet jordan li, who takes pity on you and tries to help you learn when a guy just isn’t into you.

gif credit: artemidosgifs

“You good?”

"Huh?" Dazed and drifting, you look up from your incredibly important task of peeling off the label for the worst tasting artisanal beer ever created.

You quickly remember why you focused on the task in the first place. The lighting at this party sucks. It's mostly dim, to try and hide all the unsavory things happening in every corner of the house. The brightest bits of it are all flashing. Neon blue. Neon red. Neon green. As if anyone has ever looked good in neon green lighting. That plus the never-ending movement of people dancing is enough to make you sick.

"Are you good or are you starting to tweak?" Your eyes adjust enough to see who's talking and you sit up straighter. Jordan Li. Number #2.

She's wearing her ever present scowl that makes you study extra hard in Brink's class. You don't ever want to be in the position to have to ask for clarification on an assignment or further guidance. Brink's so busy being renowned that he's a pretty absent teacher, if you're not one of his favorites. Everything menial falls to Jordan.

"I'm good! Totally good. Just vibing, y'know."

Jordan stares down at you, looks back out onto the sea of partygoers, "What vibe do you think you're matching?"

“Excuse me?”

"You've been sitting here for almost twenty minutes. You've barely moved. Did you take something?"

"No! I.... I didn't take anything. I'm just enjoying the atmosphere."

Jordan rolls her eyes, takes the beer bottle from your hand, and then takes your hand itself. She pulls you to your feet, easy, despite the way you go limp at the last second to try and stay seated. Without a word she begins to pull you through the crowd. Bewildered, you follow.

She doesn't stop till you're outside on the porch. Surprisingly, no one else is lingering. But the air has a chill that's pretty biting for an early day in fall. You take a deep breath. You hadn't realized how loud the music really was. How overwhelming every smell. The itch that crawled across your skin with each jostle of a body coming too near.

"Yeah, you look like you were really enjoying the atmosphere." Jordan drawls, leaned up against the railing, observing you.

Your first instinct was to say 'fuck you' to that, obviously. But at the last second you remember she is your TA and is probably doing all the actual grading for every assignment you turn in.

You force a smile, "Thank you. Guess I was feeling pretty anxious."

"What are you even doing here?"

"Should... I mean, I was... invited? If that's what you're asking. Although I think crashing parties is pretty typical college stuff, even if I wasn't-" 

“Not what I meant.” Jordan interrupts, “I mean you don’t usually go to parties. I never see you at any of them.”

“Maybe we just run in different circles.”

“Not really. You’re in the top ten now. What did you jump to, number 6?”

“Seven, actually.”

“Really? Well, won’t be long. Number 6 is a dick. He’ll be easy to knock out with the type of stats you’re pulling this year.” 

Somehow, this compliment bewilders you more than anything. Jordan must see it on your face, because she rolls her eyes again. 

“I keep an eye on the competition. Even if you are just a sophomore.”

“Okay, Junior.” You narrow your eyes at her. She narrows hers back, which feels like overkill, because she was already glaring. 

“So, what are you doing here?” 

“Did they hire you to be the bouncer for this party?” 

“Jesus, ‘m just making conversation. You looked like you were gonna hurl in there. What? Did your friends drag you here then ditch you?” 

“My friends would never do that. That violates the party safety rule. Arrive together, leave together.”

“Oh of course.” She says, nodding in a way that feels sarcastic. 

“I actually came without my friends.” You say, standing up straighter. Proud of yourself for stepping out of your shell even if it ended on a sour note. 

“You did?” Jordan raises an eyebrow. You deflate a little at the shocked tone. Even your TA thinks you’re lame. 

“Well…. I was supposed to meet someone here. But they… I dunno, I must’ve missed them. Or whatever.”

“Who were you supposed to meet?” 

You hesitate for a second, but they impatiently gesture for you to go on. So, begrudgingly you admit to, “Uuuuh… Andre?” 

“Andre?” In the blink of an eye they shift, and take a step closer. As if he wants you to see the disbelief on his face as clearly as possible. “How do you know Andre?” 

“What happened to we run in the same circle?” You snap back. “Andre’s top ten.” 

“Andre’s a fucking nepo baby.” Jordan scoffs

“Aren’t you friends?” You frown.

“Andre barely shows up to class, he knows why he’s top ten, trust me.” Jordan says. “Andre invited you?”

“Yes, Andre invited me. We were at the club last week and you know…talked.”

“You were at the club? You’re changing it up like crazy this year, huh L/N?”

“Lot of good it’s doing me.” You sigh. You twist the sleeve of your top, wrinkling the fabric. You’d spent hours picking out the perfect outfit that looked like you weren’t trying too hard, but brought out all your best features.

Jordan’s face twists, you’d almost mistake it for sympathy, “Did you see Andre at all tonight?”  

“Did he come here with you?” 

“Would you like me to lie or tell you the truth?” 

You sigh, moving to sit down on the porch steps, emotionally and socially exhausted. “It’s okay, I already know the answer.”

A moment of silence before Jordan moves to sit beside you. He offers back up the beer he took from you earlier, “You look like you could use a drink.” 

“Eh, you have it. If you’re not a germaphobe. Thanks for rescuing me.”

Jordan shrugs, takes a sip and almost spits it right back out, “God it tastes like fucking piss.” 

“You weren’t very nice to me during the rescue, so you didn’t deserve a warning.” 

“Well fuck me, I guess.” He laughs, staring at you. He let’s out a sigh of his own, “So which line did he use?” 

“Huh?”

“What did Andre say to you?” 

“He didn’t use a line.” You protest. 

“Andre doesn’t know how to do anything but use a line. Wait! Lemme guess,” Jordan looks you up and down before glancing at a few rings on your hand. “Were you wearing those?” 

You stare back at him. 

“Well?”

“Yes, I was, why?” 

“Did he come up to you with one of them and ask if you dropped it?” 

“.....Maybe. I repeat, why?” You ask, stomach twisting.

“Cause he slipped it off your finger with his powers so he’d have an opening. It’s his go to for girls that look shy. Seen it a million times.” 

“Oh, well, that’s lovely, actually. Fuck me!” You groan, laying back against the steps and throwing your hands over your face. “You’re really good at comforting people, did you know that?” 

“I’ve been told to work on it.” 

“Clearly not enough.” 

“Just didn’t want you to fall for the bullshit any more than you already have.” 

You scrub your face harshly, trying to ignore the tightness in your throat. “Sorry. Do you like apples? I can put a nice shiny one on your desk Monday morning as a thank you for the solid.” 

“Are you about to cry?” Jordan asks, bewildered.

“No.” 

“Over Andre Anderson?”

“No!” You sit up, glaring at him. He glares back. “Not exactly. It’s just… I don’t put myself out there a lot. So it sucks. That I tried… and all I got was a guy who fed me a line he’s used a million different times on a million different girls, who then ditched me at a party he invited me to. I should’ve just fucking stayed home.” 

You sniffle and then remember who you’re actually talking to and how awkward it’s going to be to see their face Monday morning for class if you keep spilling your guts. You stand up abruptly, already planning on apologizing for whatever you said while you were “drunk” tonight. You’re opening your mouth to make your excuses, already taking steps away from the stairs when Jordan reaches out, grabbing you gently by the wrist. 

“Wait! I’m… sorry, I mean-”

“Why are you sorry?” You sniff, “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I could’ve… I could’ve been nicer. About telling you. About Andre.” Jordan pulls you to sitting back down beside him, slowly, so you can pull away if you really wanted to. 

“It’s okay. I should’ve known better.” You say quietly. 

“Hey, no. I made it sound like he’s super obvious about it but he’s honestly pretty smooth. His only hobbies are picking up girls and cocaine. He could make… fucking, I dunno, Ellen Ripley blush if he had the prep time! It’s really not your fault.” The comment surprises a wet laugh out of you and Jordan smiles, bumping your shoulders together. 

“Thanks, but he probably was obvious. I just… don’t see stuff like that coming very well.” You laugh bitterly.

“What do you mean?” 

“I apparently just can’t tell for shit when a guy is actually into me! Or just… entertaining himself.” You sigh. 

You and Jordan sit in silence for a second. You have no clue what’s going on in his head. You see him tapping his finger on the beer bottle, the sound of his rings the only noise for a moment. 

“I could help you.”

“Help me what?”

“I could teach you how to spot when a guy is just being an asshole or when he’s serious about you. So this doesn’t happen again.” Jordan shrugs, taking another swallow of the beer, flinching again at the taste. 

“Piss kink or short term memory loss?” 

“Offer retracted.” Jordan laughs.

“Why are you offering in the first place?” 

Jordan shrugs, looking out in the distance, “You’re… cool, y’know. Think of it as a welcome to the top ten gift. You’re only gonna get more and more attention now that you’re there. You’ll need to be able to sniff out bullshit or you’ll get eaten alive. No offense.”

“I’ve been in the top ten for the last six months.” You scowl. 

“Mazel tov.” 

“Dick.” You scoff, fighting back another laugh. You and Jordan make eye contact and both lose the battle, laughing together. 

You take a deep breath once the fit passes, “This isn’t a top ten humiliation ritual of initiation thing, right?”

“I’m way too busy to waste my time doing stupid shit like that.” Jordan says, familiar glare falling back onto his face.

“Sorry, rough night, had to ask.” You say sheepishly. “Offer still open?” You smile, extending your hand out for a handshake.

“Yeah, offers still open, L/N.” Jordan rolls his eyes, but he does shake your hand.

“So, number’s one pretty obvious but we have to establish the basics because you told me you were hopeless.” Jordan sips her chocolate milkshake. 

“Didn’t use the word hopeless, but sure.” You mutter, tossing a fry into your mouth and frowning at the lack of flavor. “Hit me.”

“If he calls off plans with you all the time he’s not interested. If he doesn’t give you as much heads up as humanly possible before he has to cancel a plan or bail then he might actually hate you.” 

“You’re exaggerating.” You scoff, shaking extra salt onto your fries.

Jordan reaches over, stealing one of your now delicious fries to dip it into her milkshake. “It’s a type of power play. Too many reasons to name why a guy might feel the need to pull something like that but we don’t wanna get too complicated. All you need to do is memorize the red flags and run when you see them.” 

“Okay…. follow up question, what would you consider to be ‘all the time’?”

“If you just started seeing each other and he cancels two dates in a row without desperately trying to make it up to you he doesn’t give a shit.” Jordan steals and dips another of your fries. 

“What about emergencies? Like… I dunno, a funeral? What if his Aunt died? So he cancels that one date. Then the next one he tries to plan his car breaks down or something, you know?” 

“He should call an uber and get to the fucking location of the date come hell or high water. That’s what a guy who likes you is gonna do. Don’t over complicate, L/N.”

“Oh and you don’t think you’re over-complicating the process of eating my fries?” You smack at her hand as it reaches for your plate for the umpteenth time during this lunch. “You could have ordered fries. Why didn’t you order fries?”

“Didn’t want any until I saw yours.” She tries again but you see the movement coming and block her hand, again. You did not notice the second, slightly sneakier hand that does successfully carry out the theft. 

“Did you just juke me over a fry? 

“Yeah, and I won.” 

You toss a fry at her and laugh when she manages to catch it with her mouth. Asshole.

You sit on the corner of Jordan’s desk, watching as he finishes up some last minute work that Brink asked him to do before heading out. You’d offered to meet back up later but he just shook his head and said it wouldn’t take long.

“What if he’s just a private person?” You ask, kicking your feet lightly. 

Jordan looks up from his laptop and frowns at you, “Why are you trying to invent exceptions to the rules? The rules are there to help you. Can you say that for me, L/N? Can you say the rules are there to help me?” 

“The rules are there to help me.” You repeat back, mocking their tone. 

“Thank you.” Jordan smirks at you, “Like I said, if he’s hiding your relationship from the world then he’s not serious about you. He should be introducing you to people. You should be on his social media. People should not be shocked you exist when meeting you. All that bullshit.” 

“And if they’re a private person?” You challenge.

Jordan pushes away his laptop, turning to face you. “Fuck me. The types of guys you’re gonna be around as a hero are all gonna be doing the same stuff as you. There’s gonna be a certain level of our life that’s always in the spotlight. Minimum of two posts a week if he’s constantly posting in general.” 

“I don’t post very much.” You counter.

“You should be posting more. Especially as a top ten. There’s no reason you shouldn’t be number 6 right now. You need to be more active on socials.” Jordan gives you a look before going back to typing. Two weeks ago that look would have put you on the verge of tears. Now you roll your eyes.

“I’ll think about it.” 

“It was an order as your TA, actually.” 

“Oh god, an order? I’m shaking in my boots.” You tease, playfully kicking his chair. 

“That just knocked your essay from a B- to a C, congratulations.” Jordan quips. 

“You were gonna mark my essay a B-, you dick? You know damn well I don’t turn in B- work. Who do you think-”

The rest of the afternoon is lost to playful outrage. The papers get graded late. Yours comes back an A+. No one besides you has gotten a grade of + anything since Jordan became TA. 

“Okay, so this is one with a grey area.” Jordan says.

“Oh no.”

“Shut up. If he never gets jealous that’s a red flag.” 

“But-” You sit up from where you’re laid out on the blanket you threw on the ground to better soak in the last warm rays of September sun. 

“I am not saying go out with some overly possessive fucking maniac.” Jordan cuts you off. 

“Be specific, Jordan. You can’t give me rules with built in exceptions. I’ll fail. Is that what you want? You want me to fail, Jordan? That’s messed up-”

“Shut up-” Jordan laughs, shaking her head. “Listen to me, if a guy never gets jealous he just doesn’t care at all. The most namaste, enlightened dude on the planet will get jealous in the right situation. I’m not saying tolerate anything crazy. It’s just good if he like… responds, when you say you’re going to study alone with another dude at 9pm, in the guy’s dorm... while his roommate is gone.”

“Is studying alone with another dude, in his dorm while his roommate is gone, okay as long as it ends before 9pm?”

Jordan rips out grass from the ground and tries to sprinkle it onto your face. You put up a force-field and laugh when she sticks her tongue out. 

“He’s gotta give you his full attention. When he’s with you, he’s with you. Everyone gets distracted. But if his head is always somewhere else, every time you see him, he just doesn’t like you.” Jordan swipes at your head, fast enough to be a challenge to dodge but not hard enough to hurt you had the hit connected. 

You go in for a kick yourself and he practically twirls out of the way. You try twice more, managing to evade his own hits just barely. 

Breathlessly, you gesture for a time out and Jordan sighs, “We gotta get you better at hand to hand.”

“That’s what my shields are for.” 

“The way you use your shields is really good. You’ve gotten a lot more creative this year. It’s why you’ve been jumping ranks so fast. You’re powerful.” 

The earnest tone he uses makes you lift up from the hunched over position of misery on your knees, “You think so?”

“Well…. yeah.” He clears his throat. “But you can’t get lazy. What if someone wears you out and you don’t have any energy left for them? No more shields. You need to be able to fight.”

“If I don’t have any energy left for my shields and my only option left is hand to hand combat, respectfully, it’s my time.” 

Jordan rolls his eyes, “Break’s over. Back in position, stay on your toes more so it’s easier to move, okay?” 

You’re about to get back into form when you hear calls of Jordan’s name from across the arena. You turn and see Luke and Cate coming over, wide grins on their faces. You give them a small wave and they both wave back, incredibly eager. 

You’ve always been friendly with one another but the strength of enthusiasm is… strange. Enough to make you blink in surprise.  

“Thought you said you were super booked up this week doing stuff for Brink? Absolutely no free time.” Cate asks, staring Jordan down. 

“This isn’t free time. I can’t slack on hand to hand combat training. It’s important.” Jordan stares Cate down even harder. 

“Why didn’t you ask me?” Luke asks casually. 

“Jordan saw my form in a video I just posted and apparently it was ‘despicable’ and ‘the most insane way he’d ever seen anyone do that before’. He rushed over to show me what the ‘right way to do it is’. Control freak.” You fake a cough as you say the last part.  

“You were gonna hurt your back!”

“Super healing.”

“Super herniated disc.” Jordan quips back and you scoff, shoving him. 

He shoves you back with an eye roll, fighting back a smile.

“How ungentlemanly of you.” You gasp. A shift, and she shoves you again making you laugh, “and unladylike!”

“You shoved me first!” 

“Children, please try and be civil we’re in public.” Luke cuts in and you almost jump at the sound of his voice. 

It’s easy to get lost in your own world when you’re with Jordan. You turn to be politely facing your classmates and not just Jordan, wearing a sheepish smile. 

“Stop teasing them. They’re cute.” Cate smiles.

“Anyways, you guys need something?” Jordan asks.

“We can’t just hang out? Are you trying to get rid of your best friends?” Luke asks.

“Yes.”

“Jordan!” You bump her with your elbow. 

“Okay, okay. We’ll leave you alone. Wanna grab lunch with us after though?” Cate asks, looping her arm through Luke’s.

“You feeling up to lunch, L/N?” Jordan looks over at you.

With three unexpected pairs of eyes on you, you fluster. “If you go easy on me for the rest of training, yes.”

“Not a chance.” Jordan snorts. “We’ll be there though. Now scram. L/N needs a lot of help.”

“No, I fucking do not!” You protest.

The two of you don’t notice Luke and Cate walking away trading looks.

“When you don’t know really know anything about him, it’s not a good sign.” Jordan tilts the bowl of popcorn towards you. 

“And what do you mean, specifically, by knowing anything about him?” You ask, taking some pieces and throwing them back.

“Has has ever shared his feelings? Talked about his personal life? If you don’t know anything besides the superficial stuff he doesn’t care about you.” Jordan states. “You also need to look out for him not knowing anything about you. Does he give you space to open up? Does he remember the shit you do tell him?”

“Got it, so just look out for the superficial surface level conversations if you never have any deeper moments.” You say.

“Exactly.” Jordan says before her eyes snap back to the screen suddenly. “Did they say they’re gonna try and make that house feel more ‘open concept’? What the fuck is their problem?” 

“Huh?” You look back to Jordan’s TV, which is playing Property Brothers. “You got a problem against open concept?” 

“I have a problem with every house being made to look the same, inside and out. It’s bad enough new houses don’t have unique floor plans. Now we’re taking houses that were unique and fucking them up till they’re boring! What ever happened to individuality? I bet they’ll paint the walls grey too. Fuck me.” She huffs, leaning back against the couch. 

“Are you really into this show or just really into design patterns?” You ask, charmed at her passion for something completely random. 

“A bit of both.” Jordan says. “I wanted to be an architect. Before I got my powers.” 

“Shut up! No, you did not.” 

“I did.” She laughs, “I used to draw up plans and torment my parents with them every hour of the day.”

You spend the rest of the afternoon talking about your hidden passions. 

You even get the honor of seeing a few of the sketches Jordan made years ago. They were crinkled at the edges, pencil markings dull with age in some places. You smiled down at the folder Jordan keeps the drawings in. When you look up, finally, to compliment them you notice a strange look on Jordan’s face. 

Thinking you’d made her self conscious with your long silence you wrapped an arm around her and told her she would have made a hell of an architect. And probably killed someone with the utter lack of load bearing beams in her structures. 

You expected her to shove you off playfully but she only leaned into you and smiled, flipping to the next page of the folder.

When you get back to your own dorm room, moon high in the sky, you have to stifle a laugh. The latest post on Jordan’s Instagram is a picture of you standing with your hands on your hips in the middle of their room, looking baffled. 

The caption: I handed her the remote and walked away for five minutes. We’ve been looking for almost an hour #jesus christ #banned from room 4ever. 

You step out into the hallway and call Jordan up, demanding they take down their character assassination attempt because you two only looked for 26 minutes, actually. 

They refuse. 

You’re so incensed by the exaggeration that you wind up back outside Jordan’s dorm room not ten minutes later. When she opens the door, and sees you standing there, she bursts into laughter. She drags you inside, and when you ask her when the ban got lifted she just throws you on the bed. You spend the rest of the night arguing semantics. 

You and Jordan were sitting in the ground floor of the school’s library where you were allowed to talk quietly. You were teaching them how to fold paper to make little stars while they were teaching you how to make the perfect paper airplane. 

“Are you filled with barely suppressed rage? Why is it so damn wrinkled?” You laugh at their mangled star.

Jordan grabs another piece of paper with a huff, pushing her bob back behind her ears. “You are shit at giving instructions. This is impossible. Do the steps slower again.” 

“I’m sorry, I’m actually not capable of slowing myself down times 3 like a Youtube video.” You tease.

“Fuck you.” Jordan kicks you under the table with her foot. “Again. Show me.”

“You start with this corner here, then you twist it over here, next you wanna-”

“Hey! Hey! What’s up people!” You and Jordan turn in perfect sync to hiss at the person to be quiet only to find that person to be Andre Anderson. 

You turn back towards the table, Jordan moves an arm to curl around the back of your chair. 

“Hey.” Jordan says flatly. You make some noise that you hope passes for a greeting.

“Sorry, too loud. So this is where the party is, huh? What’re you two doing?” Andre grabs a chair on the opposite side of the table and you frown, focusing intensely on the paper before you. 

“Don’t you have a class right now?” Jordan asks sharply.

“Blowing it off.” Andre grins back.

Jordan scoffs. You only notice your shoulders are practically up to your ears when Jordan puts her hand there and rubs. You relax, letting out a quiet breath you were holding. Jordan gives you a squeeze. 

“Awww, you making little stars? Cute. Wanna show me how, F/N?” Andre has the nerve to sound flirtatious. 

After ditching you without a word and radio silence to back it up. To really make sure there’s insult to match the injury. You clench your jaw. Keep moving your hands. Try to zone out. 

The hand on your shoulder gets bigger and so does the thigh that brushes against yours under the table. “Could you fuck off for a bit? We’re trying to relax after our exams this morning.”

“Ouch. Didn’t know you couldn’t relax with me around, man.” Andre bites back. “F/N, you want me to stay, don’t you?” 

You get up from the table abruptly. The sudden sting in your eyes doesn’t even allow you you to collect your things. Your chest feels tight. You have to just get out of here. You hope in a school of future superheroes no one will steal your stuff. You think you hear calls of your name from behind you. Some yelling. Your ears are ringing too much. You break into a sprint. 

You can’t even make it to your dorm. You have to settle for tucking yourself into the first patch of trees behind a building you can find. You try to fight back the tears. One breathe. Two. Three. Try to focus on the birds chirping somewhere above you. But the memories are all flooding in at once and you start to cry. Heaving, chest burning sobs.

“F/N. F/N. F/N, hey look at me.” You zone back into the world to Jordan pushing your hair away from your face and you sob.

“Fuck me, I’ll kill him. I’m sorry. I didn’t know you’d get so upset. You seemed like you didn’t care after that night… I-  I’ll fucking knock his teeth in.” Jordan hisses. You’d thought you’d seen them angry before. But their face has never looked like this.  

“What’s… are you having a panic attack?” Jordan asks, still petting your hair gently. You manage to nod. “Is touching you okay? Is it making it worse?” You push yourself into his hands and without another word he pulls you into his lap, tucking you against him. 

You notice absently he’s wearing his favorite jacket and try to shift, so that you’re not getting tears and snot onto the fabric. He pushes your head back against his shoulder, shushing you gently. You let yourself relax, letting out the rest of the tears. Letting the anxiety leave your body. You start your grounding techniques as your breathing evens. You can see the sharp cut of Jordan’s jaw. Hear his heartbeat. The birds chirping. Feel his hands as they rub soothing circles into your skin. Smell the cologne he wears. You tuck yourself closer, even though no more tears are coming. 

“Andre is a fucking loser.” Jordan says, quietly but vehemently, “You shouldn’t waste a second fucking thinking about him. He doesn’t care about anyone but himself. It’s not you. It’s just who he is.” 

“It’s not just Andre… It’s… it’s not even mostly Andre.” You say quietly. “I mean he’s a dick but… it just brings up memories.” 

“Memories?” Jordan echoes softly, and you know you don’t have to tell him anything but you want to. 

“When I was younger… I was even more of a wall flower than I am now. Shocker, I know.” You try to joke, Jordan only hums to let you know he’s listening, pulling you closer. “Even though I had powers I wasn’t popular or anything. I had trouble controlling them. Not enough to be dangerous… just enough to be… well, a loser, honestly. Because of my anxiety, and how loud my head gets my force-fields would just pop out whenever. I couldn’t stop it. If I was scared. If I got nervous. If I was feeling stupid, or ugly. All the time. People called me bubble girl.”

“I learned to just keep to myself but I was such an easy, fun target. Sneak up on the mouse and watch them jump and make a bubble! Fun!” You laugh bitterly. You think you feel Jordan kiss the top of your head, but you’re still out of it. “It made even getting out of bed to go to school hard. Administration wouldn’t take it serious as bullying because I was a supe: if I wanted it to stop I should defend myself.” 

“My parents felt the same way. Wouldn’t let me transfer. But I didn’t want to fight back. I didn’t want to turn myself into something I’m not just to be left alone! I didn’t want to hurt anyone. I thought eventually everyone would get bored, mature a little. But it just got worse and worse every fucking year. Senior year was… bad, though. I was getting better at controlling my powers so what kids would do to make me react was worse. But I just ignored it. I started just… pulling into myself. Whenever anyone would pour paint on my favorite outfit. Or cut my hair. Or hit me, I’d make the bubble in my head instead, and go there. Eventually, towards the end I thought people finally got bored, they stopped fucking with me as much. I thought I’d be able to graduate in peace.” 

“There was this one boy… he was popular. But he’d always been nice to me. He smiled at me in the hallways. Would help me up if people shoved me when he was around. He even gave me his sweater once, when someone cut up my shirt during gym. His friends were dicks but I thought he was different, I thought he was nice.”

“He suddenly started being even more nice to me. It felt… when he asked me to prom I just wanted to be normal for one second. I should have known. I probably did know. I just wanted to pretend, for five seconds, I wanted to pretend.” You trail off, lost in the memory.

“What happened?” Jordan asks, voice sounding hoarse. You try to pull back to see what’s wrong but he keeps you still. You realize he started rocking the both of you as you spoke. You didn’t realize how soothing it was. 

“It was a joke, obviously. We went to go shopping together, so we’d match, he told me. When we got to the shop he insisted we go to all his friends were waiting for us. Recording, of course. They all laughed at me. I still remember what one girl said, ‘you’re more crazy than we thought if you honestly ever believed someone like him would go out with a loser like you’.”

“F/N, those people were fucking assholes. They… god what the fuck is wrong with people. That’s not true.” Jordan makes you look at him, suddenly. You’re shocked that his eyes are red. “You’re not a fucking loser.”

“It’s okay, Jordan. I know they were just assholes. I always knew. It just hurts still. I’ve… I’ve avoided dating ever since, obviously. My first kiss wasn’t even romantic. It was just with a good friend that I knew wouldn’t make fun of me. So I could get it out of the way.”

“I’m sorry.” Jordan looks helpless, like he wants to do something but doesn’t know what. 

“You didn’t do anything, Jordan. No need to say sorry.”

“And then Andre went and fucking… fucking motherfucker I’ll kill him!” Jordan snaps, goes to stand up and then remembers he’s holding you halfway. He sits back down, grip a little tighter, but still gentle. 

“It’s okay. It wasn’t even a joke, what Andre did. He’s just… inconsiderate. And I happen to have a nasty experience that makes me blow everything out of proportion. I’ll have to get used to that kind of thing if I want to actually start dating.” 

Suddenly both of Jordan’s hands are on your face, holding you still so you have to look at him. “You’re not blowing anything out of proportion. And… and you don’t have to get used to shit, F/N. You’re fucking incredible. You don’t need to tolerate anything, from fucking anyone. You’re a fucking… you’re a fucking dream girl! You’re smart, and funny, and sweet, and strong, and beautiful. You’re the sweetest person I’ve ever met. You don’t have to settle for fucking anything. Okay?”

You stare up at him, shocked, he gives your head a gentle shake, “Okay?” You nod slowly.

He pulls you into another hug, the tightest one you’ve ever gotten. You don’t pull away until the sun dips so low you’re both draped in gold. 

“Fucking rank number fucking 5!” Jordan screams, arm wrapped around you tightly. A chorus of cheers from the rest of the group and people nearby. 

You cover your face, laughing helplessly. Jordan didn’t surprise you with this party, they knew that would only make you anxious, walking into a room full of people you weren’t expecting to see with (even if asked not to) cameras pointed at you. 

Jordan had texted you: I am throwing you a surprise party on Friday night to celebrate your new ranking. Please practice your surprised face. 

You had practiced. You’d done a very convincing gasp when you walked in. 

“I’m so fucking proud of you.” Jordan says, for the umpteenth time, looking at you. You feel your cheeks go hot.  

“Oh shut up. I’ll get a big head soon.” 

“You deserve it more than anyone. You’re fucking awesome.” Jordan had started heaping more praise onto you than you knew what to do with, most days. 

She claimed it was practically training. That you needed to get used to people complimenting you, with the level of fame you’re going to reach. That alone had made your stomach erupt into butterflies. Jordan believed in you. Really believed in you. 

“You’re the one who’s awesome… you’re a good mentor, Jordan.” You reach up to hold the hand that’s been wrapped around your shoulder all evening. 

“Are you saying that following my advice works?” Jordan pretends to gasp. You playfully dig your nails into her side and she jumps before grabbing the offending hand and holding onto it. She doesn’t let go. 

Her advice had worked. You posted on your social media more, at her insistence. You started to become a beast at hand to hand, thanks to Jordan’s brutal training regimen. You were socializing more, because as long as Jordan was there you felt safe. But you were even feeling confident enough to do things on your own that high school you would be shocked didn’t instantly send you to the grave. 

You’d done an interview, for God’s sake! All on your own. Although your eyes kept darting to Jordan right off camera, who smiled reassuringly the whole time.  

“I will not. Because then you’ll get a big head.” You tease, giving both her hands a squeeze. 

“Let’s get a drink.” Jordan says, tugging you towards the kitchen. 

It’s quieter in the kitchen. The drink table in the living room is still overflowing so no one’s had to start looking for leftovers yet. 

“How you feeling?” Jordan asks, helping you sit on the counter before going to the fridge. After a second he pulls out your favorite. He hid them in the far back, you can tell by how far he had to lean. 

“Good.” You smile as he pops your drink open before handing it to you. He leans against one of your knees. 

“Party isn’t too much, right?” He asks, for the third time tonight. 

Laughing you push a strand of unruly hair back from his face. He freezes at the touch, before a smile creeps onto his lips. 

“Party is perfect, Jordie. Thank you. For everything. For being so…” 

“Don’t thank me for treating you the way you should always be treated.” 

“You treat me like a princess! What if I get spoiled? You’ll have to deal with a monster.” You tease. “You won’t even be able to be mad at me, because you’ll be the reason.” 

“You’ll terrorize the world.” 

“Cause complete chaos.” 

“Devastation, even.” As Jordan speaks you realize you’d gotten closer. A lot closer. Your chest seizes up with anxiety as you wonder how long you’d been leaning in like this. You almost pull back, ready to apologize. But you’re frozen stiff now and realize the two of you are still getting closer. With a jolt you realize you both leaned in. 

Jordan has a hand on your thigh, you reach down, nervous, to hold his hand as reflex. It’s an every day comfort, lately. You give his hand a squeeze. He squeezes back. You don’t pull away as Jordan keeps leaning in. 

“Jordan! Come stop Luke from doing a keg stand, please!” Cate’s voice, typically pleasant sounds incredibly annoying at the moment. 

“Gimme a sec!” Jordan calls back, still looking you in the eye. You squeeze his hand tighter. He looks nervous. They’ve looked so nervous all night. Nervous you were having a good time. Nervous you were happy. Nervous… nervous to kiss you? Is he about to fucking kiss you?

“He has an interview tomorrow! Hustle please!” Cate calls back in a sing song tone. 

“Fuck me!” Jordan throws his head back, shifting, frustrated. “I’ll be right back, okay?” 

You nod, a little breathless from anxiety and excitement, and dread, and the full spectrum of human emotion. “Okay.” 

Jordan stomps out of the kitchen, probably going to rip Luke a new asshole from the sound of her boots on the floor. She sounds like her own stampede. You giggle, pressing your hands, still warm from holding Jordan’s into your face. You may be bad at signals but… 

You sit under the hideous fluorescent kitchen lighting feeling like something inside you is glowing. You kick your feet, nervous, waiting for Jordan to get back. Wondering what they’ll do. What they’ll say. If you’re delusional. You have to be delusional. You have to be. 

“Guard dog taking a walk?” In the doorway stands Andre, looking a little rougher than usual. His right eye is dark, like a black eye that’s started healing. There’s a small bandage over his nose. 

“What happened to you?” You gasp.

“Your guard dog.” Andre says, reaching into the fridge to pull out a bottle of spicy vodka. “Jordan’s number #2 for a reason. Congrats on making #5 by the way.” 

“Thanks.” You say. “When did Jordan do that?”

“A week ago. Would have probably gotten it earlier but apparently Cate talked them into waiting to see me until they were less pissed off. For which I’m eternally grateful.” He says, taking a sip straight from the bottle without chaser. 

You don’t really know what to say so you sit in silence. Legs still kicking, more from anxiety now, less from giddiness. 

“He gave me a busted lip too, but that healed pretty quickly. I also think he might have kicked a rib loose, been a little sore on the left side.” Andre says, he doesn’t seem to be angry but you don’t know why else he’d talk to you. 

“I didn’t ask Jordan to do that. If you’re wondering.” You say, slowly. 

“No! No! You’re way too sweet for that. This was just my shitty way of getting around to an apology. I’m sorry. I should’ve said sorry before Jordan kicked my ass but I promise Jordan kicking my ass isn’t why I’m saying sorry. The original plan was to ask you out again, make it up to you with dinner. Jordan just kicked my ass first.” 

“I hope to god you’re not working your way around to asking me on a pity date.” You narrow your eyes at him. 

“So Jordan could put me in a full body cast?” Andre laughs loudly, shocking you. “No offense, you’re really cute, but nothing’s worth that fucking beat down.” 

“Well, I guess I accept your-”

“You don’t have to forgive me. Jordan was pretty clear that I tore up some old wounds. I didn’t mean to, but I’m sorry. I can just be… a dick, sometimes. Often. All the time.” Andre jokes. 

“What did Jordan say exactly?” You ask nervously. 

“Nothing specific! I could barely pick out anything at all, really. The sound of her fist breaking my nose was pretty loud.” 

You laugh then try to cover it up by taking a sip. Andre grins and you relax, knowing it was his way of breaking the tension. 

“Can I ask you something?” Andre asks suddenly.

“You can ask, doesn’t mean I’ll answer.” You shrug.

“Fair enough.” Andre says, toying with the bottle. “Do you like Jordan?” 

“What?”

“Because Jordan sure likes you.” Andre states. 

“No, they don't.” It’s a reflex to deny the possibility of someone having feelings for you but the words feel wrong once you say them. Weren’t you just about to kiss? Wasn’t his hand just burning into your thigh like a brand? “Do they?” 

“Jordan would never do a fraction of the shit they’ve been doing for you if they didn’t care about you.” Andre takes another sip, then moves to saunter from the kitchen. He stops, a glance over the shoulder. “However you feel, tell Jordan. And soon. They’re looking a little desperate.” 

Then it’s just you and the sound of the party, and the cool marble you’re sitting on. And a lot to think about. 

“Your incessant leg jiggling is distracting me from how and why they intend to turn this beautiful victorian home into another soulless open concept millennial nightmare.” Jordan says, glancing from the TV to your leg which, yes, has been jiggling for awhile.

“I’ve got a question.”

“Obviously.” 

“How can you tell if a girl isn’t into you?” 

Jordan turns to face you, eyebrows furrowed, “what?”

You feel heat flood your cheeks, but keep your eyes firmly glued to the screen. “Are the rules the same? Or different?”

“You like girls?” Jordan blurts out.

“What?” The question is enough to make you look at her. And now you're trapped by societal standards of politeness to maintain the most anxiety inducing eye contact you've ever shared.

“You've never talked about… you've never said anything about liking girls.”

“You only offered up the help for the one gender. Didn't wanna get greedy.” You force a laugh.

“How long have you…. have you always liked girls?” Jordan asks and you hope to God you're not hallucinating that quick glance at your lips. 

“You follow me on Instagram!”

“What's that have to do with anything?”

“I literally have the pride flag in my bio?”

“I thought you were-”

“-Jordan Li, if you're about to tell me you thought I was an ally I'll beat you to death, and then jump off a cliff.” 

Jordan laughs, ducking her head, hair falling into her face slightly. You dig your fingers into your thigh to stop yourself from reaching out and tucking it behind her ear. 

“Is there a reason why you're asking… about how to tell when a girl isn't into you, all of a sudden?” Jordan looks up at you and the world narrows down to her brown eyes, and her nose, and her mouth. And the look in her eyes you hope you're not reading wrong.

You blink in confusion when amusement crosses over her face and for one awful second you think Jordan is laughing at you and you could throw up. But you realize you're suddenly looking at her from behind a force-field of light purple and feel queasy out of a different sense of embarrassment.

You can hear a smile in Jordan’s voice, but you refuse to unbury your face from your hands, “Never seen you not be able to control your powers before.” 

“Please kill me.”

“Can't. Your forcefield is still up, princess.” She teases, tapping at the bubble. 

With a groan of humiliation you drop your field and peek up at her through your fingers. 

“First the forcefield, now the hands. Still haven't answered my question though.” You almost snip at her that she should take a wild guess at your answer but there's something about Jordan’s expression. It's teetering between playful, guarded, and… something else. And you have to bank on whatever that something else is.

You take a deep breath in and move in closer, “You're not so awful a teacher that the lessons for a guy didn't stick, but considering you're a girl too who knows what incredibly important lesson you didn't know you had to teach me. The lesson… the girl lesson, that would have stopped me from misinterpreting what's been happening here. If I’m misinterpreting. All I know is… all I can really be sure of, is how I feel. And I, well-” You bite your lip, taking a shaky breath, and Jordan moves in closer, “I'm about halfway to being in love with you.”

The words are barely out of your mouth before her lips are on yours. Her hand curls at the base of your neck, pulling you in closer. A brush of her tongue against your bottom lip before you let her in with a breathless sigh. She moans against your lips, other hand moving to your waist to tug you into her lap. 

You lose your balance a little, fall into her in a way that is not at all seductive. You laugh, embarrassed and she chases the sound, using both hands to put you in her lap, holds you there firm and secure.

“You-” She kisses you, interrupting your sentence. “Haven’t-” Another kiss. “Told me-” She holds you tight this time, tilting her head to the side, sweeping her tongue against yours and gasping at your taste. You pull back with shaky hands, keeping her at a distance with a grip on her shoulders.

“Could we use our big girl words?” You ask, breathless and a little dizzy. 

“I’ve fucking only been in love with you for two years, thanks for fucking noticing.” She huffs, exasperated and smiling. 

“How on Earth was I supposed to interpret your seething stare of hate for being in love with me?” You’re already melting against her as she pulls you back in with the guiding grip on your hair. 

“Shoulda looked harder, baby.” She coos, and doesn’t let you up again anytime soon. 

A/N: my magnum opus of pining! if you enjoyed this fic consider reblogging, leaving a reply, or an anon! a writers fuel is engagement. xoxoxo

[hacked-wtsdz]

penelope odysseus

Jamie and Claire + twenty years apart (part 2)

Based off of the poem: twenty years across the sea

Part 1

Part 3

[two-bees-poetry]

welcome!

I'm Alex, my main blog is @alex-bumble-bee. Like it says in my bio, I'm 20, I'm a butch lesbian, and I write poetry- lots of it is in reference to classic literature or mythology. I feel like I'm slowly growing a little community on here, and I couldn't be happier, so please reach out! I love getting asks and I love meeting new people <3

My linktree to find me on other platforms is here!

You can find all of my poetry under #mine, all of my asks under #asks, and all of my thoughts and bloggings under #musings.

Under the cut is a sporadically-updated masterlist of my work, sorted in various ways, to help you find what you're looking for :)

forms

contrapuntal poems -> twenty years across the sea, this has to be enough, can i come home?, sister i, sister ii, the guardian and the searcher, my voice is in my sword, so soft it hurts, my brother, my brother

blackout poems (?) -> are you hungry (medea, alone), i have no words for this (macduff, a girl)

villanelles -> village girl's villanelle, elkha's villanelle

sonnets -> i am become

shakespeare

macbeth -> my voice is in my sword, so soft it hurts, i have no words for this (macduff, a girl), i am become, lady macbeth grants you an interview, there are three witches and they are teenage girls

king lear -> can i come home?, stages of a king waging war on his daughters, my brother, my brother

hamlet -> horatio's epilogue

mythology

the odyssey -> twenty years across the sea

antigone -> antigone was right

house of atreus -> a house tour from electra

medea -> this has to be enough, are you hungry? (medea, alone)

poems about

being a lesbian -> boyish girl, once a month, my main character is a teenage lesbian, i have no words for this (macduff, a girl), a sailor and a siren

other stuff -> middle, what i was looking for, village girl's villanelle, tesselation, war of attrition, motherhood ismene, elkha's villanelle,

[hauntedhokage]

𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑂𝑐𝑒𝑎𝑛'𝑠 𝐻𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑡 𝐵𝑒𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑔𝑠 𝑡𝑜 𝑌𝑜𝑢

Sea God!Rafayel x Reader

summary: ever since you were a child, you’d always believed in the elder’s tales of a god who resided in the sea. when you finally meet him, this supposed tale you were now too old to believe in, you weren’t expecting to build a relationship with him. 

word count: 7.9k

warnings: a lot of god talk but ancient fake gods and not real world religion gods, death (technically) 

note: Reader is in her late twenties

ao3

A small fishing village rests on the coastline of a large island. Despite its size, the village itself was described as a wealthy trade hub; with its residents being the happiest on the island, welcoming of tourists and traders alike while gradually expanding into the forests to accommodate those who were relocating to share in the wealth of the village. The village was prosperous, thankful for their standing but unaware of the reason behind their good fortune - chalking it up to their location beside the sea and excellent weather. 

This village was all you’d known, and you remember when it hadn’t been so successful. You’d been a child then, helping your parents keep their failing inn clean for potential visitors. You were eight when you’d started visiting the ocean, finally old enough to be trusted to not be swept away with the tides but still young enough to believe in the stories of the Old Gods who once looked over the people of your island. You’d heard the elders talk of a time when the village had prospered, making offerings to the Gods daily to help maintain that prosperity until a storm had come through - nearly decimating the village and sweeping the faith in the Gods away with the debris of buildings destroyed and hope lost. 

You’d wanted to see if the village could prosper again if the Gods returned, not convinced that they’d left entirely. So you’d made a trip to the beach on a particularly gloomy morning, a seashell in hand with a wish carved into it as an offering to the God of the Sea. The elder had said his name was Rafayel, so that was the name you’d carved as you wished for a way to make your parents happy again. While young, you understood the struggles they were facing with the struggles of the village as a whole and wanted to ease that pain if you could. Anything would help - even just a new trader to purchase the fish that had been caught. Every day for a week, you’d take a shell with the same wish carved into it and say a prayer that you’d be heard by Rafayel. 

On the eighth day, a new ship arrived. The crew needed a place to dock after the storm, staying at your family's inn and spending plenty of their coin while offering other trade for their ship to be repaired by the village’s craftsmen. 

On the ninth day you’d sprinted to the beach to thank Rafayel, adding a small carving of a fish with a heart to really push the message across that you were grateful for his hearing you and blessing your family. 

After your one prayer had been heard, your wish clearly granted by the Gods, you continue to go to the beach with the small offerings you could muster as just a child. Shells you’d found, flowers picked from your mother’s garden, even letters you’d written while apologizing for potentially polluting the waters but you’d had nothing else to provide at that time. As you’d aged, the village continued to prosper but didn’t believe that this could be the work of a God. “Simply the change of time” is what your mother had said while cleaning the bar one morning, then requesting that you finish mopping the floors before heading off to do whatever it was you did during the daytime before the bar opened and people arrived for dinner. 

You’d spent your teen years searching the nearby forests for the temples dedicated to the Old Gods that had been lost to time. The elders had vague recollections from the stories that they’d been told while also greatly amused that you continued to believe in such tales despite your age. It wasn’t until well into your twenties that you’d found what you’re sure was a temple dedicated to one of them. A dream had led you there, but you’d never tell anybody that - or about the temple at all. 

The ivy and trees had overtaken the building, what you’re sure was once pristine and well maintained stonework now crumbling into ruin, the building left forgotten as the Old Gods had been. Perhaps that was why the village had fallen into its own ruin, the villagers inability to maintain their faith and the temple that had been a symbol of that faith convincing the God to leave them behind. You wouldn’t be able to restore a temple just on your own, and you doubted that anyone in the village would help what had become just a dream believed by a silly girl who never grew out of old tales, but maybe there could be someone who’d be willing to help just as a project. The potential for another tourist destination? 

The suggestion left your mind soon after you’d had it, knowing that the offerings left at the temple would simply be taken as profit since nobody believed in the Gods but you. Angering them was not something you would allow them to do, not after everything you’d done to appease them after all those years. So the temple was left to you and you alone, and it had taken you months just to clear away enough of the ivy to find a hole in the wall just large enough for you to slip through and finally gain entrance into the temple. Despite its age and state of ruin, there was still an energy resonating within the walls that made you feel warm inside - almost as if a light had enveloped your being just by entering. 

Upon approaching the altar you see paintings that depict the ocean; fish and whales, even depictions of fishermen and what you believed to be what the elders had called mermaids - creatures with the torsos of humans but tails of fish in place of legs. Among them all was a man, the center focal point floating above the water with a scepter in hand and the sun at his back - this man you assumed could only be the God of the Sea.

That evening you’d spent the sunset sitting on the beach, waiting until the moon rose to walk out into the water as the tide splashed around your ankles. The water ripples as you walk further, stopping when the water is at your waist. You’re old enough to understand the strength of the tides, strong enough to hold your ground as the water pushes and pulls around you. You don’t even know what you’re looking for, why you’re in the midnight ocean looking at the reflection of the moon on its surface, but you knew you were called there by something. You hadn’t felt anything like this before entering the temple; having always been called to admire the sea but never like this. Never walking out into the water, tempted to go further but knowing better than to do that or risk losing your life to the depths of the deep seas. 

“Rafayel,” you whisper, resting your hand on the surface of the water as you close your eyes. “The villagers may not believe, but I do. I believe in you, and thank you for the blessings you’ve brought to us and hope you continue to bless my people with your bounty.” 

That warmth pushes through you once more, and you swear you feel a presence at your back and hands on your shoulder as the wind caresses your ears - but you know you’re the only physical presence on this beach. Your eyes remain closed as you try to remember this feeling, even as the wind carries a message through to you. 

Your continued faith will be rewarded, little fish. Return to the temple in three days.

It’s then that you turn around, expecting someone to be behind you only to be disappointed when there wasn’t anyone in the water but you. But you know in your heart that you had been chosen by Rafayel, that it was his voice reaching you from the depths of the ocean. He was rewarding you with his presence, his warmth encasing your spirit being what kept you warm as you walk through the village to your home.

Three days was a very specific timeframe, but you still made your offerings to the ocean despite the instruction given. If you felt that warmth just one more time you were sure you’d be on cloud nine for the rest of the year.

On the third day you kneel before the altar, setting down the offerings you’d accumulated over the day since you weren’t sure which would be appropriate for the Gods. Your parents were worried about you, watching as you shuffled about the house looking for things and etching into seashells you’d brought back from the beach. 

“She’s losing her mind,” your mother had said to your father in hushed whispers in the kitchen, before asking that he sit you down and talk you out of these childish beliefs you had. 

“It keeps her busy and makes her happy,” he’d argued back, which was the last you’d heard before telling them you would be leaving for the day and heading out into the forest to get to the temple. 

You aren’t sure what to do before the altar, so you clasp your hands and close your eyes tight while trying to summon this warmth. 

“O, God of the Sea, please hear me and accept the offerings I’ve placed before you. I, uh, I didn’t know what to bring so I brought a few different things and I hope they’re okay. If they’re bad please accept that I mean no disrespect.” 

The warmth encases your body once more, a light flooding the main room of the temple so bright you could see it behind your eyelids. When they open you see a necklace resting on the altar in place of your offerings, beads and jewels strung together in a way that was reminiscent of the ocean. One sits out of place, a bright crystalline jewel sitting in the center, clearly the centerpiece and focal point of the piece and meant to be admired.

“Where…?”

You hesitate to grab it at first, unsure if your hands were worthy of taking something like that into your hands. Was this the reward of your faith that had been mentioned? But this seemed like it wasn’t something that you were meant to keep. Not a test, but something more than that - an invitation. You assume it had probably belonged to a priest or priestess last responsible for leading worship to the God of the Sea, a belonging of that God, and you’d need to return it to him.

The temple is where you take refuge until after sundown, waiting until the moon has risen well into the sky until you make your way across the village again to head to the beach. You didn’t want to field any questions about your whereabouts or the necklace in your hand, needing to keep this secret to yourself. This necklace wasn’t meant for you, it was meant for the sea and you were going to return it to his home before someone suggested or demanded otherwise.

The beach is always quiet at this time, nobody dared go to the water when the moon was high due to a fear of the tides sweeping them away. Not you, though, you almost welcomed the tides sweeping you away from this village and the feeling that you weren't doing something right in the eyes of the people around you. So you walk into the water, watching as the surface ripples around your intruding presence until you're waist deep, hands skimming the surface until you find the spot that felt right to set the necklace down. The weight of the jewel pulls the necklace into the water, and the logical part of you knows that this jewel could provide great wealth to your family, but your spirit is calm in the fact that you knew this jewel was going back to its home. To be sold over and over again was not meant to be the fate of this jewel, and the light that emanates from below the surface tells you that you were right. Trusting in your faith had yet to lead you astray, and you’re grateful for this day you’d had as a true reward of that faith. 

The wind picks up around you, stronger gusts sending your hair flying around you and forcing you to close your eyes in the face of the gusts. Part of you, that logical part you never listen to, tells you to retreat to the shore lest you be swept out to sea. Your spirit, however, tells you to stand your ground and continue your trust in this God to keep you standing upright within his domain, even as the waves rise around you and your uncertainty rises. 

That familiar warmth rises within your body, comfort and safety washing over any negative feelings you might’ve had about standing waist-deep in the ocean. The Gods would protect you tonight, you trusted that. 

“Aren’t you precious?” That wasn’t at all a scary voice, the gentle poke to your nose wasn’t scary or painful either. “Open your eyes, little fish.”

Should you? Probably not, but you do anyway only to want to close them again because you’re not sure you should be seeing this. A man - no, a God - stands before you in the water, holding the necklace you’d just dropped and turns it over in his fingers as he says, “Somehow, I knew that you’d know exactly what to do with this.” 

Maybe you were crazy, but crazy felt better than anything else right now so you feel calm when you tell him, “It belongs to the sea.” 

“You’re right.” A squeeze of his hand breaks the jewel from the rest of the silver and beads connected to it, dust falling from it before he opens it again to reveal its new shape. “And I’m sure you’ll be right about who I am, too. Please keep this safe.”

The jewel glows bright as it’s transferred from his hand to yours, now shaped like the water lilies that resided in the small lake beside the temple. His larger hands close yours around it, holding them there as he leans in to kiss them before he mumbles what sounds like a blessing into your skin. 

“I am not the sea.”

He looks up at you with a pout, clearly confused at your apparent denial of his gift. “You are one with it, little fish.”

“But I’m not-“

“You have come to this shore every day since you were a child. Regardless of the weather or your own health; you presented offerings, confided your feelings, and always displayed your gratitude. To the ocean for providing its bounties and to me for watching over your village.”

One last press of your fingers to close around the jewel, then his hands are leaving yours and he steps away. Your can only look up at him, bringing your hands to your chest as you feel it’s humming against your skin. It did not have this feeling before, the jewel you’d dropped into the ocean was cold and unfeeling while the one he’d handed back to you had a warmth that resonated within you. As if it’s return and Rafayel’s touch awakened something within it. 

“So you feel it?”

“What is it?”

“Think about it, then give me your thoughts next time we meet.”

“When will that be?”

“Hm, not sure. There will be a pretty bad storm over the next couple of days, so I’m going to request you not come to the beach. I’ll continue to watch over you while you’re safe at home.”

You nod your understanding, beginning to walk back to the shore while keeping your eyes on the God standing before you. He’s making his own way back into deeper waters, until finally he turns to dive into the waters below which was your own signal to turn your back to the sea to begin your walk home. You’re holding the jewel to your chest the entire walk home, then tuck it away beneath your pillow when you’re back in your bedroom. A gift from the God of the Sea, you couldn’t let anything happen to it. 

The answer to what made the jewel important had been answered during the storm. The humming that was once steady and warm had grown colder, the humming more erratic and leading you to believe that this was much more than just a jewel that was important to him. This was the Heart of the Sea, yet another fable turned to fact, but you were still curious as to why you were being trusted with it. 

“I don’t know if you can hear me, but stop making me run halfway across the island,” you whisper into the gem, eyes widening when it glows a little bit. 

Noted, little fish.

“Stop doing that.”

I don’t think I will. 

Should you be talking back to a God? Probably not, but he didn’t seem that serious of a God. But maybe that was being a God, you didn’t need to be serious when you were immortal. 

“So I can use this to talk to you?”

Not a lot, but yeah it’s an option. You don’t like me being in your head, remember?

You think you might hate him. Gods were apparently annoying, but you know you’re extremely lucky to be in contact with one. You’d seen one, held hands with one, a literal God. And everyone thought you were crazy, they still would without clear proof - meaning the man himself - so you’re keeping this one to yourself. Protecting him and yourself felt like the best option for you. 

But you now had to wait “a couple days” to see him again, to confirm your suspicions about the Heart and confirm that his name was actually Rafayel before you say it aloud and make a fool of yourself. How were you even supposed to talk to a God? Clearly this one wasn’t as pompous as the Old Gods had been made to seem in the tales, but treading lightly to ensure your village didn’t become part of the ocean was also pretty important. Doing what you’re told is difficult when it goes against a routine that you’d held for decades. But he’d been right about the storm, so you spent the day helping your parents board up the windows to protect the glass, then ensure the elders' homes are taken care of with your father before returning to the inn to help your mother with her cooking. 

The storm rages for four long days. As instructed, you stay away from the beach and busy yourself around the inn. Some travelers stuck in the storm had managed to dock safely, so you had some work to keep you busy as you helped your parents keep a tidy and efficient inn. You can only think about Rafayel during those four days, wondering why he’d bring such a horrid storm this way.

Was he trying to prove a point to your village? Show them that as easily as he’d granted them their bounty that he could disrupt their very way of life? That seemed awfully…low, for a God to stoop to such behavior, but you’d be sure to ask him when you next saw him. 

Five days after you’d first met the God, you finally got to go to the beach to try and meet with him again. The state of the shore is more pressing when you see it, debris and other scattered along the sand that needed to be cleaned up - so you set to it. You didn’t have any trash bags, but you’re able to create piles for wood, trash, and a third for other things that you weren’t sure what they were but were certain that they didn’t belong in the ocean. You'd get those items to their proper locations in the morning after handling your business with the God of the Sea.

“What’s this fourth pile, little fish?” The new voice on the once silent beach has you dropping the wood plank in your hand directly onto your foot, the cry of pain you let out stifled into a hiss pushed through grit teeth. “Did I scare you?”

You might’ve thrown the Heart at him if it wasn’t securely tucked into your pocket. Warm hands on your upper arms pull you closer to him until you’re eased into sitting on the sand so he can look at your foot. There’s some gentle scolding about how you should’ve been wearing shoes considering you didn’t know what was hiding in the sand after a storm like that, and you know he’s right but appreciate that he lets it slide when you tell him you don’t like taking an hour to wash the sand out of your shoes and then off your feet when you could just have to worry about one of those things. 

“Your name is Rafayel, right?” 

“It is, little fish.”

“I also have a name.”

He hums as his hand envelops your injured foot, sending a new warmth through it that immediately alleviates the pain you’d been feeling. “I’m well aware of what your name is, but I like little fish, my little fish.”

Hitting Gods wasn’t allowed, at least you didn’t think it was, but it should’ve been. The elders didn’t mention that they could be this annoying. 

“Why’d you hit us with that storm?”

“Oh that? Yeah that wasn’t me.” When you only blink and tilt your head he can only sigh, leaning back on his elbow in the sand as he tilts his own head. “Geez, your people really did lose all of the old teachings. I’m the God of the Sea, but there’s a God of Storms and he’s a little upset right now so everyone’s paying the price.”

You don’t know why that information surprises you, but all you’ve got in response to that is, “Oh.”

“Now, none of us know why he’s mad. Just that he’s mad. And I haven’t been getting good sleep because of it.”

Were you supposed to feel bad about that when people you knew had seen damage to their homes that landed them sleeping at your parents’ inn while they’re being reconstructed? Even if you were, you couldn’t feel bad for him - he was also a God, so matters of lost sleep didn’t feel so big compared to the problems of the people in your village. Yeah, they thought you were a silly girl - nuts, even - but you still cared for them and their health deeply as they also were concerned about yours. 

“Wait, a four day storm is just a little upset?”

“Could’ve sent a hurricane. Besides, I put in overtime trying to reduce the damage to your side of the island as a favor to my favorite worshiper.”

You were pretty confident that you were his only worshiper (if you even really did that), but you don’t want to burst his bubble verbally so you just let him have that one. In return he sits with you for a few hours, telling you more about the various Gods who were still in practice and how they all operated and took turns blessing or ruining peoples lives depending on how the people were behaving. But not your people, they didn’t even remember that there were Gods to upset, and were often left alone because the Gods thought it was cute that you believed so strongly in Rafayel. 

The faith of one person protecting an entire village - the thought didn't seem real despite the evidence sitting directly in front of you.

After a month you’re quite comfortable with being in constant contact with a literal God. Rafayel would visit you at the beach or the temple - wherever you felt like calling him to by using the Heart of the Sea that you’d been entrusted with. You had also been right about the necklace it had once been strung to being the possession of the priestess that managed the temple and led the daily worship to Rafayel. You were now the equivalent of a priestess, despite not having a flock following you in that worship - and that made you feel a sense of importance you’d never felt before in your life. 

Much more important than waiting tables at the inn and being placed in front of potential marriage candidates by your parents. 

Of course the obvious question of why remained. Heavy like the stones resting at the bottom of the sea, weighing down your heart as the question lingers in the back of your mind. A constant itch that you feared scratching because it could possibly leave a wound in its wake - a wound you weren’t sure would heal if the answer wasn’t what you hoped it would be. 

You don't even have to look at him to know what he's doing, the little amused hum was enough for you to know that he needed yet another reminder to respect your mental boundary. “Get out of my head!”

“You’re no fun!”

“You promised!”

“I agreed, an agreement isn’t a promise.” He pauses a moment after he says that, watching as you place your hands on your hips. “Wait, I said that wrong. My word is my bond, what I meant was that I said I’d try.”

You only huff, rolling your eyes as you look away from his own searching gaze. You knew that eye contact wasn’t how he managed to invade your mental privacy, but it made you feel better thinking that he couldn’t tell exactly what was going on in your head without the eye contact. What were words without true emotion to provide context - were eyes not the windows to the soul?

“The answer to your question isn’t as heartbreaking as you might think it would be.” Rafayel comments, coming to stand beside you and looking at the mural your eyes had been scanning for the last minute. “If you want to hear it. I’m not sure since you don’t want me listening to your thoughts.”

You only scoff then, leaning back against the altar and keeping your eyes fixed on the mural. You weren’t giving him the satisfaction of your attention, even if he was a God. If you were trusted with the Heart of the Sea, then you should be trusted to try to humble him every now and then. And he should stop reading your mind. 

“You know, for someone who sits in the presence of a God you sure are demanding.” Despite his pout, you know that he’s content to continue to be in your presence even if you were “demanding”. That’s why you’re comfortable with simply rolling your eyes as you lean back against the altar. “I’m serious, back in the day you people were much more grateful to me.”

“I’m the only person here who still believes you exist, be grateful to me.”

“One is all I need, and I am. You’re harboring the Heart of the Sea, like the priestesses of old. I’m very grateful for someone deserving of that honor.”

Being a priestess didn’t sound so bad, even if the only two people who acknowledged that responsibility were you and the God you attended to. But what happened when your time to pass on eventually came, who inherited the Heart of the Sea from you? How do you encourage others to reawaken their faith in Rafayel so you could have a successor? You’d been branded a silly girl and that had carried on into your adulthood - you’re sure not even the children of the village would listen to anything you had to say.

“You’re worrying about something very distant, little fish.”

“You have to stop reading my mind.”

He laughs as his arm drapes across your shoulders, pulling you into his side and kissing your head. “I wouldn’t need that ability with you most of the time. You are always worrying about the distant future, it’s clear in your offerings and prayers.”

You can’t even be annoyed, he was too cute to be annoyed at. With his long lashes and expressive eyes that bore two colors, symbolic tattoos decorating his body and those pouty lips. If he wasn’t the God of the Sea, all of the girls in the village would be seeking him out as a suitor. Being mad at a face that pretty for knowing who you were felt silly. 

“You think I’m pretty?”

“Stay out of my head! I don’t care that you’re a God, reading my mind is rude!”

“But you didn’t say no…” He trails off, and you watch as his eyes search your face before they trail downwards a bit. “I also think you’re very pretty.”

He licks his lips before you question him, silencing your question as you can only sit still while he leans into you. Were you about to kiss a God? Were you pure enough for-

“Please stop thinking unless you’re asking me to stop.”

“Stop reading my-“

His kiss silences you, his much more experienced lips moving against your own in a way that you’d never experienced before. There were boys in the village you’d exchanged kisses with, a short affair with a guy who had been docked for repairs, but their kisses were nothing like this. Rafayel was warmth personified; his lips, his hands, his tongue, and you learned that his tattoos carried the same feeling that the Heart did when you held it. A strong hum against your fingers, projecting a warmth through your fingers that made your hands tingle as they explored the colorful markings that decorated his torso. His fingertips take advantage of the hot summer weather and your shorter attire to dance along your bare midriff, the gentle pitter patter causing tingles that ripple under your skin only to be smoothed down by firm palms that caressed you so tenderly. 

“What’s the answer to my question?” 

“Your timing is really something, little fish.” He chides, but he grins as he does before kissing you again. This one much more chaste, a feather light brush of his lips against yours as he speaks. “The answer to your question of ‘why you’ is that you’ve been chosen since your first offering. A true believer of the old faith, the Gods in general but me specifically after nearly a century of lost faith? But there’s also something extremely pure about your heart and your connection to the Sea - you were chosen by her just as much as you were by me.”

You don’t have words to match that, and he takes advantage of your silence to kiss you again - this time urging you to sit in his lap to save both of your necks some strain. His kiss was as strong as the waves at high tide, pulling you deeper into his arms but refusing to push you back. With every breath he stole you sunk deeper, thumbs tracing the tattoos under his eyes while keeping him as the anchor you chose to tie yourself to. At this stage you don’t know that you have the words to describe just what this was currently or had the potential to shape into. This certainly was much more than just two people simply passing the time, but he was still a God, after all. And you were just... you. Would a God take a human lover, or other romantic bond in a human?

“You really like me, huh?”

“You really want to tease a God?”

“Only you,” you murmur, pushing the purple hair back and away from his forehead so you could clearly see the dual toned eyes that always gazed upon you with equal parts adoration and amusement. “Only person I like this much. Only person I trust.”

You continue to meet with Rafayel for another six months. The first time you ever had sex was with the God of the Sea, seated upon the altar that was once used to pray and make offerings - he’d said that he prayed to you that afternoon as you offered yourself to him. Whether it was the temple during the day or the ocean when the moon was at its peak in the sky, you saw Rafayel at least four days out of the week unless the weather was poor. Taking risks with your health was not of interest to him - your faith was obvious enough, you didn’t need to take additional risks for him. 

Over those six months your parents had grown more concerned over your unwed status. Your mother in particular hated how much time you spent “playing around” in the forest or ocean, as your most fertile years would be over soon, paying no attention to the fact that you didn’t desire marriage or children at this time. This wasn’t a battle your father could win, so he only looked at you apologetically whenever you had to sit for a lecture about your wasted youth. Rafayel couldn’t fix that, he couldn’t make people change their minds or influence their actions, so you only sit through it while planning your eventual departure on a ship - or into the Sea as Rafayel had suggested that one morning all those months ago. 

“I hate it when you pout like that,” he comments one night, adjusting your legs around his waist as you bury your face into his neck. “You shouldn’t pout in my waters, little fish.”

“Just tired. Both physically and of my mom trying to marry me off.”

All you get from him is a concerned hum, his head resting against yours as the waves continue to roll sound your bodies. You don’t register that he’s sinking into the water until you’re neck deep, and you pull back to look at him just to see a smile on his face despite your concern. 

“Trust me.”

You trust him explicitly, which might be the problem, so you let him pull you under the surface completely. On reflex your eyes shut tight and you hold your breath until there’s a tickle to your side that has you releasing it and your eyes opening wide at the panic of losing your oxygen. 

“You can breathe, little fish. You’re with the God of the Sea.”

You’re not prepared for him to untangle your limbs from his body and let you go, but you relax at his urging and allow yourself to ride the current for a moment. You couldn’t go far, not in his ocean, so you close your eyes again as you appreciate this feeling. The ebb and flow of the water around you, the true weightlessness in this moment washing away the weight of your mother’s expectations that had been dragging you down. Maybe you could just stay here forever? You're sure this beat sailing away on some ship to an unknown land - here you had him. 

Your eyes open once more to see Rafayel watching you with a soft smile, and when you reach out he pulls you back into his body while pulling you deeper into the water. The fish aren’t bothered by your intrusion, nor are the creatures crawling along the sand at the bottom of the Sea when your feet finally touch down. There are creatures you’d never seen before, but Rafayel tells you about each one as if introducing you to his close relatives while leading you to what looked like a cavern. 

“This is where I live, basically. Not much on the outside but the inside is pretty great.”

It’s almost as if there was a wall of water at the entrance, because as soon as you’ve entered the cavern you feel as if you were back on land. Everything does feel drier, and that’s confirmed by Rafayel as he explains the magic of his home and that the God of the Sea didn’t necessarily love sleeping in water all the time so this was a necessary refuge from his Godly duties. It’s beautifully decorated; some things taken from the wreckage of ships who’d met their end at the bottom of the sea, others gifted from other immortals, and some things he’d gotten while posing as a human at various villages. But what surprises you most are the stacks of canvases and the art easel tucked away in the corner of his main room, and you can’t help but pull away from him and his tour to investigate them closer. 

They’re mostly landscapes and scenery: the forests, coastlines, and beach - and it was clear that he’d put a lot of time and effort into each piece. There were a few that were facing the wall rather than the room, clearly meant to be hidden from anyone’s gaze but you turn them around anyway. The first is still of the beach, but there’s a silhouette of what looks like a little girl crouched at the shoreline with her hands in the water with the sun high in the sky behind her. The second is of that same coastline, this time at night, with a silhouette of a woman kneeling at the coastline with her hands held in front of her and head bowed - you’d assume she was praying based on the positions. The third was of what looked like a couple waist deep in the water, the woman held up by the man as they looked at each other. 

“I’m not really good at people, which is why they’re more shadows than anything else. They feel unfinished, which is why I don’t really look at them.”

“These are all beautiful, even those three that you think aren’t finished. Every piece feels like the scenery is moving, it’s mesmerizing. You never told me you painted.”

“It’s a hobby, keeps me busy and gives me a reason to go to the surface more. Art traders love my work.”

“They should! I’m sure it gets you more fancy furniture.”

“Something like that, yeah.”

He’s then guiding you towards his bedroom; where you lose track of the hours between your mutually wandering hands, lots of sex, and long conversations about Godhood and Rafayel’s artistic process. You learn upon your return home that you’d been missing for two days, your parents worried that you’d finally been swept away by the seas. Your excuse that you’d been taking time to reflect in the forest is accepted with a warning to leave a note so they don’t worry the village regarding their not-so-missing child. Worrying them had never been your intent, but your return to the surface solidified that you didn’t belong there anymore - you weren’t sure that you ever had. 

It’s two weeks before you see Rafayel again. You assume Titus, the God of Storms, was having another one of his fits due to the massive storm that had raged for four days followed by another ten days of heavy rain that nearly caused the village to flood - but you think you have Rafayel to thank for keeping the waters at bay to avoid that. 

The beach is quiet when you finally step onto the cool sand, the water deathly still and sky dark with the new moon in effect. Rafayel is already there, sitting in the sand with his knees pulled up to his chest and gaze fixed on the quiet waters. He doesn’t look at you as you sit beside him, gently patting your thigh in greeting but saying nothing else. 

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I’ve just missed you and the crap weather has really messed with my sleep and my inspiration.”

“I missed you, too. I never got to really thank you for sharing your home with me.”

“It helped you relax and forget about those things that were upsetting you, I’m glad I could share that with you and see you so happy.” He doesn’t sound all that glad, which has you frowning as you fear that you’d upset him someone, or that whatever was weighing in his mind was singing related to you

“What’s wrong? Is there something I can do?”

He hesitates, a pout on his face as he ponders his next words. But he finds his resolve after a moment, meeting your concerned gaze before he says, “I’d like for you to come with me.” 

“To where?”

“The Sea. Every God needs a Goddess, at least in my opinion.”

“Goddess of what, though?”

“There’s been an opening since the Goddess of Safe Harbor chose to join the humans a couple centuries ago. Nobody has truly been worthy of replacing her, until you. You’re my pick, and the others agree with me.”

“And my family?”

“Naturally you’d have to leave them behind, but a woman too foolish to stay out of the ocean is bound to be swept away by the tides one day.”

He makes it sound so simple. Leaving your parents, becoming immortal and serving as a Goddess, just being gone - as if it were nothing. Could it truly be that easy?

“Yes, it can be that easy.”

“You promised to stay out of my head!”

“I’m sorry, little fish! It’s hard to resist when you make that cute thinking face, I love knowing what goes on in there.”

Two fingers press to your forehead, and he grins when your hand grasps his wrist and brings those two fingers to rest over your heart. The Heart of the Ocean, he’d told you that he cherished you as if you were his own heart, and you knew that he loved you as you loved him. “I can give you time to consider?”

“No need. Can you conjure up some choppy waters and sweep me away?” 

“Three days, little fish. I’ll need you to do something to prepare, first.”

You nod as he smiles, leaning into him and listening as he explains what your rise to godhood would entail. Death would be terrifying, but he’d explained that he’d be with you the entire time to care for your body as it changed and accepted its new abilities. “The sex is going to be so incredible. It’s wonderful now but when you’ve got that extra stamina I’m sure we could go for days.” That was important information, at least to him, but you grin as you lean into his shoulder. Your fingers trace the tattoos on his forearms before your hand slides into his for him to squeeze gently in an effort to comfort you. 

“Will I keep the Heart?”

“You are The Heart;  my heart, my love, and my Goddess.”

The three days he’d needed were mostly for your own mental preparation. Dying was a terrifying concert to most humans despite it being part of life’s natural cycle - to live is to die, and most tried their best to prolong that life. 

Your own mental preparation is spent praying. Kneeling in Rafayel’s temple before the altar praying for safe passage into the Godhood that Rafayel was blessing you with. Thanking Tilde, the Goddess of Birth, for her blessing of life (and apologizing a little bit for choosing to end yours so early). Praying to anyone that was listening for your parents’ health and safety in your absence, and the continued stability of your village. It’s all you can do for them now.

On the third day you clean. Your bedroom is the cleanest you’ve ever managed and the floors of the inn are sparkling by dinnertime. You know your parents are curious, but grateful that they don’t ask because you can’t answer it truthfully and don’t want one of the last things you say to them to be a lie. Once they go up to bed you sit down and write a note telling them that you’d gone off to sea but loved them dearly - knowing it won't help them feel any better about your disappearance but giving them an explanation was better than disappearing entirely.

Then you go to the beach. 

The sun was finishing its descent into the horizon, the water before you painted in red, orange, and purple hues courtesy of the setting sun. It was reminiscent of the blanket you kept on your bed, woven by one of the elders as she was trying to teach you how to use the large loom - an attempt that was half successful but not enough that you could be considered capable of weaving for anybody. You can only really laugh at the fact that you were never truly interested or talented in the craftsmanship opportunities present in the village. You’d tried them all, spending many hours sitting with the various artisans as they taught you their craft, but you were always thinking heavily about the sea and supposed God of the Sea to truly listen and learn the craft being presented. A silly girl with silly dreams, spacey and living in her own world that she’d created in her head after listening to one too many old tales. 

But here you were; being carefully pulled to your feet by the fabled God of the Sea, greeted with a soft kiss and words of encouragement as he makes sure that you’re ready to do this. You nod, but the question lingers in the back of your mind: was anybody truly ready to ascend to Godhood? 

“I’ll be with you the whole time,” he assures; kissing your forehead, then your nose, before finally settling on kissing you properly. “And then I’ll be with you forever.”

Forever sounded nice, with a finality that wasn’t quite final but comforting all the same. You had Rafayel, and would continue to have him until the end of time. Living in his cavern under the sea - you might even try to learn how to paint. 

“Ready?”

You weren’t. But, again, was anybody truly ready to end their life - even if it meant starting a new, greater existence? You were as ready as you could be, which is why you nod before giving him the verbal confirmation you knew he needed. “Let’s do it.”

The blade he manifests from his chest is large, glowing blue like the Heart did before it had been absorbed into your body. You don’t question if it’ll hurt, only hold onto his shoulders as you’d been instructed to. He speaks in a tongue you hadn’t heard before, and yet understand clearly, as the blade is dragged across your collarbone. 

May the light of the sea protect the Goddess, may she guide travelers to safe harbor once more and protect the Heart of the Sea. 

You don’t feel pain, only a unique emptiness you’d never felt before as your body is lifted to lie along the surface. The waves caress your skin as you float, Rafayel’s hands guiding your body until he’s pushing you down for the weight of the water to let you sink further. 

Drifting downwards and away from Rafayel’s warm smile grows blurry in your dimming eyesight. 

Sinking into the sea, the weight of your limbs now too heavy to even try to keep yourself upright. 

Drifting into nothing, your eyes finally falling closed as you let the waves do to you as they saw fit, your body grew numb and cold as you sank further and further into the cold depths of the sea with only the echoes of Rafayel’s warmth following you down until there was nothing. 

No warmth, no feeling, no vision. Just emptiness until finally you hear his voice once more. 

My love, the Sea has accepted you. 

And then you ascend.

[sl-ut]

like real people do

FROM THE RIVER TO THE SEA

pairing: abby anderson x fem!reader

description: abby is one hundred percent, totally, and completely straight. that is, until she meets y/n.

warnings: UNEDITED, swearing, slight hints of nsfw, alcohol consumption, a hint of homophobia? (not really but just in case)

words: 5.9K

date posted: 08/02/24

The years had not been kind to Abby. By the time that she and her friends were celebrating her twenty-first birthday, the woman had suffered many losses; the death of her mother at a young age, her father’s murder a few years back, and most recently, her breakup with Owen. She was quick to discover that the universe was not exactly on her side. 

From her perspective, Owen was not just a boyfriend. Of course, he was hardly even that at most times, but he also represented the time in her life where everything was good; Salt Lake City, spending time in the woods with him and her dad, playing stupid little games to pass the time with him, Manny, and Mel…he reminded her of when everything was easier. She sometimes felt guilty for this, considering that she sometimes couldn’t tell whether her emotional attachment to him was because of how much she cared for him or for the impossible standards she’s always held him to. 

Seattle represented a new beginning for her and her friends. They were able to find a new community, stay together, and live a semi-normal life that even the Fireflies were unable to offer them. Things were good there, people generally liked her, and she was quickly making her way up the ranks as one of the top WLF soldiers, though there were certainly some downsides. At the WLF compound, she began to see things in a new light; She was able to focus on herself for once, do the things that she wanted and branch out more than before. She was no longer limited to the small world of the few Fireflies who actually made it out of Salt Lake City. 

It’s for this reason that she holds herself at least somewhat accountable for how things ended with Owen. Of course, she didn’t blame herself for his infidelity, nor for him choosing to do so with one of her closest friends, but she knew that it was her distance that caused the rift to form between them. She felt betrayed by them, obviously, but as time passed, it seemed clear to her that she was more hurt by the fact that it was her two closest confidants who had caused the pain, not the fact that Owen and Mel had been sleeping together for months before she and Owen called it quits. 

Her saving grace during this period of her life came in the form of someone she would later consider her best friend, despite how offended Manny gets each time she calls her that. Her first interaction with Y/n was the moment that she knew she needed to have her in her life, one way or another. 

She hadn’t noticed her right away, but who would? Amidst the thunderous crowd of the cafeteria just before lunch, it would be nearly impossible to notice anyone who she wasn’t directly looking for, which in a way, is how Abby noticed her to begin with. Manny was actually the one to sniff her out first, as he so often did with pretty girls, his midnight black hair standing out against the white fluorescent lighting. She beelined for him, an annoyed expression crossing her features as she figured out the reason why he’d been late for patrol.

“Manny!” She barked, “How many times do I have to drag your ass to the gate before you actually show up on ti–”

Her attention was immediately caught by the figure sitting across the table from him, eyes falling on a young woman with a look of shock on her face, clearly concerned by the large woman who’d nearly pulled Manny out of his seat with only one hand.

“Abby!” He greeted, doing his best to brush it off, “I was just on my way to meet you when I got distracted by this one,” He winked at the girl with a laugh, “Don’t blame me, it’s entirely her fault. Cierto, hermosa?”

Every engorged muscle in Abby’s body had to hold her back from physically gagging at his obnoxious charm, but she was a bit relieved to see that the girl did not seem to be falling for it so easily. 

“Whatever,” the blonde shook her head, trying to suppress any of the nerves that seemed to have wormed their way into her bloodstream under the girl’s stare, “We’re late, and I’m not taking anymore shit from Isaac over you.”

“Yeah, yeah,” He shrugged, slinging his backpack over his shoulder as he began to head towards the door, offering a short goodbye to the girl before jogging to catch up with the blonde, who’d sped off in an attempt to get herself away from the girl. 

“Cute, right?” He asked, a knowing smirk on his lips.

She shrugged, “Yeah, your standards seem to be on the rise, finally. What ever happened to the medic–what was her name again? Ginger?”

“Me and Y/n? In my dreams, sure,” He stared at her with a raised brow, “I’m not exactly…her type.”

Something clicked in her mind, and made the twisting feeling in her gut worsen. Goosebumps prickled at her skin as she thought back on the roaming stare of the girl in the cafeteria–Y/n, as Manny had called her. Had she been checking Abby out? And why did that idea excite her so much?

“Oh,” she hummed.

“You, however… you definitely were. Did you see the way she was looking at you? Like she wanted you to–”

“Shut up, would you?” She sneered, “I’m not–that’s not–”

“I know,” he sighed, though a knowing look crossed his features, “I know.”

A few days had passed before Abby had run into Y/n again, only this time, it was a much more pleasant interaction. Abby had been spending a lot of time in the library, especially since her breakup with Owen and even ended up sleeping there some nights when Manny took the liberty of reserving the room for himself and whatever girl he was dating at the time. She found some peace there, burying her nose into random books from before the outbreak and pretending that, for just a few minutes, she isn’t just the top scar killer in the WLF. There was hardly ever anyone else there, which was a definite plus; She still had a long way to go before she’d be used to all the attention she gets around the arena. This day in particular. though, someone else occupied her usual seat in the furthest corner, by the window. 

She jumped in surprise at the sight of another person in her place, holding her palm to her chest to hold in any noise that may have emitted from her throat. The girl raised her head to look over the thick spine of the hardcover book she was reading, surprise evident on her own face as well.

“Sorry,” Abby choked out, “I just wasn’t expecting…I’m usually the only one here.”

“Oh,” Y/n sat up straighter, laying her book page-down on the table in front of her, “Yeah, I usually take the book back to my room, but my roommate is a little…busy at the moment.”

Abby snorted, “I get what you mean. Mine too.”

There was a beat of silence before Y/n chimed in again, “What are you reading?”

Abby glanced down at the book in her hand, eyes scanning over the faded words on the cover. She actually hadn’t known what book she’d taken off the shelf, just slowly making her way through every book in the library, “Uh, Jane Air–Eyre. First one I grabbed.”

“That’s a good one,” Y/n nodded, “One of the classics, I think they used to call them.”

“Oh, that’s good,” Abby mentally kicked herself, of course she would completely blank in front of the girl she’d been thinking about all week (but she was still, totally not into her). “Uh, what about you?”

Y/n smiled, “A Complete History of the Western World. Call me nostalgic, but I like learning about how things were before.”

“Me too,” Abby smiles, “In a way, it’s kinda comforting to see that this isn’t how things always were, you know?”

Y/n grinned, which quickly turned into a frown, “Sorry, I didn’t even…I’m Y/n.”

Abby smiled tightly, cheeks burning red as she reached forward to accept the hand offered to her, “I’m–”

“Abby,” Y/n smiled bashfully, “I know. You’re Manny’s friend, and sort of a big deal around here.”

Abby shrugged, the red of her cheeks now stretching to reach the tips of her ears, “Yeah, that’s what everyone seems to say. Not sure if I really live up to that expectation, though.”

Y/n chuckled before glancing down at her cracked wrist watch, a wrinkle appearing between her eyebrows as she closed her book and stood up from her seat, “Sorry, not trying to run away from you or anything, just lost track of time. Talk to you later, Abby.”

The next few weeks passed with several more interactions between the pair, and Abby would actually consider Y/n to be a friend. They could often be found in the library together, or grabbing a bite to eat with one another and sometimes a few others. Manny often grumbled about Abby swooping in and stealing his friends, but he always seemed to be more than happy to see the two of them together. That strange feeling did not disappear, though, like Abby thought it would. In fact, it got considerably worse.

Instead of having a little bit of nerves around her, Abby was struggling to keep herself from constantly pulling her into her lap, or reaching out to hold her hand across the table, or to tell her how deeply in love with her she wa–except Abby is straight. She likes guys. She dated Owen, and she was deeply hurt by his betrayal, right?

That’s what she told herself. Each longing to touch Y/n was just her own loneliness talking, every time she wanted to be held, it was her basic human need for affection, not because she was romantically or sexually interested in another woman. In fact, she had a little bit of a crush on one of the guys she went on patrol with the other day, or so she told Y/n. She made an effort to make it abundantly clear to the girl that there would be no romantic relationship between them, and was relieved when Y/n didn’t seem to put off by it. She continued to hang out with her, and to invite her to different social events around the arena.

This one was different, though. Abby went, fully intending to spend the night by Y/n’s side, people watching and making fun of Manny as he struck out time and time again. She had arrived to the party with Nora, a bit of pep in her step as she slid into the common area, face falling as she immediately took notice of Y/n on the couch across the room, a soft smile on her face as she listened intently to whatever the girl next to her was saying, her arm curled loosely around Y/n’s shoulders.

Abby felt sick, almost giving in to the instinct to turn and run, and she is positive that if it hadn’t been for Nora being right behind her, she probably would have. She hesitantly stepped further into the room, glancing around awkwardly in hopes of finding someone to hide her from Y/n before she could catch her attention, though it only took a moment’s glance for Y/n to turn her head and shout, waving both Abby and Nora over to where she and the other girl were sitting. 

The girl’s name was Samyah, and Abby decided on the spot that she hated her. She hated the way that she talked, the way she dressed, they way she smelled, the way that Y/n looked at her, and most of all, she hated the way that she held Y/n’s hand as she led her out of the common room, hooded eyes making it clear what was about to happen. But it didn’t really matter, because Abby is straight and this wasn’t going to last anymore than one night.

Except it did. Weeks later, Samyah was still very present in Y/n’s life. Abby cringed every time she had to witness them kiss, or touch each other in any way beyond what could be considered platonic. She prayed every night that something would happen, that Samyah would cheat or die out on patrol, anything to have her away from Y/n for more than a few hours at a time, but when it really happened, she couldn’t help but fear that she may have willed it into existence–Abby wasn’t a religious person, but this seemed to be a bit too on the nose for it to not have been divine intervention. 

Y/n and Samyah had been hooking up for a few weeks when Y/n turned up at Abby’s room, cheeks glossy with tear stains and eyes burning red. Abby was quick to take her into her arms, ignoring the selfish part of her that was singing at the mere contact. She held her tightly, sitting her down on the edge of her bed and stroking the back of her head soothingly, waiting for her to tell her what had happened. 

“Let me know when you’re ready to talk,” She had whispered into her hair before pressing a firm kiss there.

It was less than a moment later when a sharp sniff could be heard and Y/n’s watery voice began to retell what had taken place earlier that evening.

“Samyah has a boyfriend, apparently,” She wept, “She told me she isn’t gay, she just wanted to see what it was like.”

Abby’s entire body burned hot with anger, and then with embarrassment. What would Y/n think if she were to tell her that she’d been wondering the same thing? How would she be able to move forward knowing fully-well that she was no different from Samyah, someone who she had been condemning over the way that she treated Y/n? 

But was it the same? Was it really? Since she had met Y/n, she hadn’t even glanced twice at Owen, let alone any other man. She was all she could think about, day and night, and yet she still couldn’t seem to come to terms with the fact her feelings for her might have been more than platonic. It wasn’t as if she were too ashamed or was actually against the idea of her dating another woman, she was just confused as to why these feelings hadn’t come up before. Sure, there were times where she thought Mel was the prettiest girl she’d ever seen, but that was back when there weren’t many other girls around (and she wasn’t screwing her Abby’s boyfriend), and there was once where she’d had a rather promiscuous dream about Nora, but nothing had ever evolved further than that. 

These thoughts started to keep her up at night. She liked Y/n, she really did, but was it worth risking her friendship only for Abby to decide that she wasn’t gay at all? What if she was just curious? It was normal for people her age to be interested in exploring these things, only she was sort of stuck in a situation where she was unable to. She couldn’t go to Y/n for help with this, that much was blatantly obvious, but what about someone else? She tried to think of other girls she could go to for help, but there was no one who she could immediately think of that she could go to without also risking her friendship with Y/n; she’d been insistent early on in their friendship that she was not interested in women at all, especially when Y/n made it clear that she most certainly was, and more precisely, in Abby, so what would she think if she found out that Abby had slept with another woman after insisting that she wasn’t interested? That might be more dangerous than going to her for help.

It was getting harder to ignore, as well. Y/n was increasingly dependant on Abby for comfort for weeks after she ended things with Samyah, not that Abby minded, but it was growing more difficult not to hold her to her chest as they share a pillow every night, to not reach out and take her hand every time they walk side-by side, to not push her onto the bed every time she undresses in front of her, to pin her down and–

Then Y/n moved on. She was still quite upset, but she had decided that she wasn’t going to spend any more time dwelling on someone who obviously did not care about her, so she met Reagan. Abby didn’t hate Reagan the same way that she had with Samyah, she clearly liked Y/n and treated her as well as she could, considering that they were in the middle of the apocalypse. She was funny, and she fit in with the rest of their friends better than Abby would have liked; she wanted to hate her so much, but the only reason she could think of was purely out of selfishness, that being the fact that Y/n spending time with Reagan meant that she was not spending time with Abby, and after a few weeks of near constant contact with one another, Abby was sure she was going through withdrawals.

It all came to a head when Manny demanded that she take some time off of patrol. With Reagan always around, she had taken it upon herself to start accepting extra duties to avoid having to spend time with the group, and more specifically, Y/n. He’d made some arrangements and assigned someone else to her shift without even telling her, and all but dragged her down the hall and into the rec room. Y/n and Reagan had yet to arrive, but Abby knew that, if she was going to be forced to sit and watch Reagan practically hang off of the girl that she was probably in love with, she was gonna need a drink.

Abby wasn’t normally a big drinker. In her early days in the WLF, there had been a few times where she’d had more than she probably needed, but it also meant that she didn’t necessarily have the highest tolerance, especially with Manny being the one mixing her drinks. He’d been more than excited when Abby went for her second drink, and decided that they needed to go drink for drink with one another. Needless to say, by the time Y/n arrived, Abby was drunk. 

“Abs!” The voice sounded excited as they curled their arms around Abby’s neck from behind, leaning over the back of the sofa she was sitting on to hug her warmly, “I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever.”

It almost felt like time had stopped the moment her eyes landed on Y/n, admiring the glint of the dim lights on her clean skin. Her hair was still damp, she’d just showered before coming to the party, and Abby couldn’t help but wish she’d also done so by the pooling of sweat on her forehead and palms. She leaned her head back against her shoulder, turning to glide her nose against her neck in a much more affectionate manner than she would have if she had been sober.

“Hi,” She mumbled, “You smell good.”

“It’s the lotion we found on patrol a few weeks ago,” Y/n laughed, “And you’re drunk.”

Abby shrugged, “No, just a little tipsy.”

Nora scoffed out a laugh as she plopped down on the armchair next to her, “Tipsy? Please, she’s been letting Manny mix her drinks all night.”

Y/n pulled away, leaving Abby to let out a small whine of defeat, “Uh oh. Something must be wrong to have you drinking Manny’s concoctions.”

“Hey!” The latino appeared seemingly out of thin air, “You’ve just lost yourself drink privileges.”

She raised her hands in surrender, “Not the threat you think it is, pendejo.”

Y/n threw herself onto the couch next to Abby, settling close enough for their arms to press against one another and sending Abby into what she assumed could only be early heart failure. 

“Seriously though, where’ve you been?”

The blonde shrugged once more, “Busy, I guess. Lots of patrols needed to be covered.”

“So you covered…all of them?”

Abby was quiet for a moment, then quickly changed the subject, “Where’s Reagan? Aren’t you two basically attached at the hip or something?”

The smile on Y/n’s face flickered for a beat, and Abby immediately felt a pang of guilt squeeze at her stomach and regret filled her for hurling such a harsh tone at her.

“Something came up,” Y/n turned her gaze to her interlocked fingers in her lap, “She’s not gonna make it.”

Abby recognized a familiar sadness in her voice, one that she had hoped to never hear again, so she dropped the topic and instead found herself falling into a conversation similar to one they would have had before Reagan came into the picture. Things felt right again, especially as Y/n’s hand grasped onto her thick bicep everytime she laughed, and she didn’t push her hand away when she reached over and rested it on her knee–that had to mean something, right?

After Abby finished her fifth drink, things began to get too fuzzy for her to handle, her head dropping back onto the back of the couch with a grunt, her eyes squinting shut in a weak attempt to refocus herself. Y/n glanced up at her, concern painting her features as she reached a hand up to stroke Abby’s flushed cheek. 

“You feeling okay?”

Abby grunted in response, leaning her cheek even further into her hand.

Y/n chuckled at her, pulling herself away to stand up and taking hold of Abby’s hand. The blonde’s eyes popped open at the contact, staring up at the girl with hooded eyes as she attempted to pull her to her feet. Abby pushed herself up, forcing her entire body weight into Y/n’s figure faster than she could have anticipated, almost knocking them both to the floor.

“Woah, steady girl,” Y/n laughed, slinging one of her arms over her shoulder, “I think it’s time to get you to bed, don’t you think?”

Abby nodded sleepily, allowing her to pull her along down the hallway, thankfully not having to climb any stairs to Abby’s room with the girl who was 95% muscle on her back. She was able to get her into the room and seated on her mattress with very little trouble–Abby was very compliant with every order that came out of her mouth. 

She sat back, allowing her to wipe a wet cloth over her face gently, her eyes struggling to stay open even though she was eager to see her face up close and personal once more. 

“Can I ask you something?” She murmured quietly, using every ounce of her strength to keep herself from moaning under Y/n’s touch. 

“Of course.”

She paused for a moment, almost like she was thinking it over, though she had no control over the words that spilled out of her mouth, “Do you think I’m pretty?”

Y/n stopped her movements, causing Abby’s eyes to shoot open and fall on the grinning face before her. She laughed softly, then louder until her laughter filled the room and bounced off of the walls. 

“Sorry, sorry,” she lifted a hand to cover her mouth to contain her giggles, “That’s just not what I was expecting. But,” Y/n reached around and tugged the elastic out of Abby’s blonde hair, carefully untwisting the braid until her long hair settled around her shoulders, “I think you are very pretty.”

She smiled, mumbling out a quiet thank you.

“I have another question.”

“I think it’s only fair that I get to ask you one first.”

Abby raised her eyebrows, but was quick to nod in agreement. 

Y/n leaned back against the footboard of Abby’s bed, setting the cloth aside, “Why’ve you been ignoring me lately?”

“I’m not–” the blonde argued, pausing to compose herself, “I’m not ignoring you. I’m talking to you right now, aren’t I?”

“Abby.”

The blonde girl winced at her stern tone, wary of meeting her gaze, “Look, it’s not like I don’t wanna be around you, it’s just…” 

Don’t say it, her very sober subconscious was pleading with her, please.

Her drunk mouth didn’t listen, “Reagan.”

“Reagan?” Y/n frowned, “What about her?”

A small smile appeared on Abby’s lips, “Nuh-uh, it’s my turn.”

Y/n scoffed, rolling her eyes in annoyance, but urging her to ask nonetheless.

“Do you love her?”

“Do I–Abby, why are you asking me this?”

Her bashful eyes fell to her lap, “I think you know why.”

“No, Abby I don’t–”

Her words were silenced, a hum of shock vibrating through her throat as Abby lurched forward, lips pressing sloppily against her own. Y/n froze, neither pulling away nor reciprocating, just remaining in place until Abby pulled away for air. 

Abby smiled, resting her forehead against Y/n’s softly. She was drunk, yes, but she had never felt more sober and in-tune with her own feelings as she was then, just after kissing the girl she was so hopelessly in love with for the very first time. 

The spell she was under broke the moment her eyelids fluttered open, allowing her to spot the hooded stare and tear-stained cheeks of the girl in front of her.

“Y/n? What’s–”

“You’re drunk, Abby,” she scowled, pushing herself away, “You should go to bed.”

“What? I just–No, please don’t go.”

Y/n turned to face her sharply, “Why? So you can use me for your own pleasure and then kick me to the curb?”

“What?”

“I mean–Jesus, Abby. You were there after Samyah. You were the one who told me she was such a bitch, that I deserved better, but you’re doing the same goddamn thing. Worst of all, you know how I feel about you, but you made it very clear to me that you didn’t feel the same, so I backed off.”

“I love you,” She stammered out, “I-I’m in love with you.”

Y/n laughed bitterly, shaking her head.

“Please,” Abby, fell to the floor as she tried to push her body off of the bed, “I’m telling you the truth. I-I didn’t know before, but I do now.”

Y/n sighed deeply, pinching the bridge of her nose to collect herself, turning to face her once more before fleeing the room, “Go to bed, Abby. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

Except they didn’t talk the next day. Or the one after that. Abby basically avoided Y/n like the plague after doing what she did. How could she? Everything that Y/n had said to her was true, she’d known it for weeks. Hell, it was the exact reason why she hadn’t made a move on her sooner. 

She knew she couldn’t escape her forever, though. The WLF stadium was pretty big, but they would both be living there for the rest of their (hopefully long) lives and would be bound to run into each other at some point in that time. She was also already in a fairly deep state of depression because of what had happened between the two of them, but also because of how much she just missed having her around. 

Which is why she found herself outside Y/n’s bedroom door after returning from a particularly risky patrol that had ended in only four of them returning from a group of seven. Abby was shaky as she made her way back inside the compound, her muscles screaming with every step and her body begging her for a shower and a long sleep, but her feet mindlessly carried her in the opposite direction of her own room. Her fist rapped against the thin wood before she could even process it, but she couldn’t run away now, not when she’d been pinned under a scar only an hour ago with a knife to her throat. 

Y/n looked a bit dishevelled as she opened the door, and Abby immediately thought the worst; had she really just shown up at her door at night? What if Reagan was in there? What had Y/n been doing in there when she knocked? Had Abby really interrupted her having sex with someone else?

But the lazy yawn that escaped her puffy lips forced Abby to realise that, no, she hadn’t interrupted her with someone else, she’d woken her up, which somehow made her feel worse.

“Abby?”

“Sorry, uh, is this a bad time?” She shifted her weight back and forth nervously. 

“No, I was just–no, it’s not,” Y/n crossed her arms over her chest, “You’ve been avoiding me. Again.”

“I know,” Abby frowned, “I’m sorry. For everything. You have every right to be mad at me–fuck, you have every right to never wanna talk to me again, but I just have to let you know how sorry I am and how much you mean to me.”

Y/n shifted her gaze to the floor for a moment before nodding, glancing back up at Abby and stepping back to open the door wider, “Wanna come in?”

Abby nodded eagerly, stepping inside with caution. She glanced around, taking in the small changes that had been made since she’d last been here. Y/n bedroom was, well, hardly even a bedroom. It was about the size of a large broom closet, just enough room to jam two twin beds and two small dressers inside, though she and her roommate had taken the initiative to make it somewhat cosy inside. Thankfully, the second bed was empty that night, meaning that she didn’t have to hold back.

“Wanna sit?” Y/n motioned to the foot of her bed as she took a seat near the headboard. 

“Uh,” Abby glanced down at her dirty attire, “I shouldn't. Sorry, I didn’t even change before I came here–fuck, I’m so sorry.” 

Y/n shook her head, “Hey, it’s okay, Abs. We can sit on the floor?”

The blonde’s shoulders loosened at the use of that nickname, almost like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders as she lowered herself to sit directly across from Y/n on the carpeted floor. 

It was quiet for a beat, both of the girls sitting in silence as they watched, both anxiously waiting to see who would speak first. 

“Did you mean it?” Y/n was the first to crack.

“Did I mean…”

“You know what I’m talking about. You were drunk, but you avoided me like a clicker, Abby, so please don’t play dumb and just talk to me.”

Abby cleared her throat, “Yes. I meant it.”

Y/n let out a heavy breath, and Abby couldn’t tell if she was relieved or even more upset with her answer, “Okay, so you meant it. But why couldn’t you just tell me that? You knew how I felt about you when we first met, but you told me you weren’t interested so that was that.”

Abby shook her head, “It wasn’t like that. When we first met, I was…still dealing with how things ended with Owen. I was angry and hurt, and I really thought I would never get over it. But then, after a little while, I started to realise that I wasn’t heartbroken over him, I was angry that he and Mel didn’t have the decency to talk to me before they started fucking behind my back.”

“Okay,” Y/n nodded, “But after that? Is it some kind of internalised homophobic shit going on? If it is, you could’ve talked to me about it, I could’ve helped you.”

“It’s not that. It wasn’t that I was scared or ashamed of myself, it was that I didn’t even really think about it, I guess. Then, when I finally did, you were with Samyah, and then that ended and you were so upset, and that got me thinking that…I don’t know, what if I was the same as her? What if I was just wanting to experiment? I didn’t wanna talk to you about it because I didn’t wanna lose you, and I didn’t want you to think that I was the same as her,” Abby could feel her eyes stinging from the sudden onset of tears, “And then by the time I realised that that wasn’t the case, you were already with Reagan.”

Y/n opened her mouth to speak, but Abby cut her off.

“I know, you’re with her, and if that’s what you want, then that’s fine. I want you to be happy. But I can’t leave here knowing that I didn’t tell you that I am in love with you, so much that I don’t even know what to do with myself.”

Y/n didn’t answer, not verbally. Instead, she threw herself across the room, clambering into Abby’s lap and messily pressing her lips against hers. Abby was quick to reciprocate, her lips moving against hers steadily and conforming the once sloppy movements into a more slow and rhythmic embrace. Her arms moved to wrap around her waist, palms sliding up and down her back greedily as Y/n gently took Abby’s flushed cheeks into her own hands. 

When they finally pulled away, they both broke into wide grins, leaning in to peck each other once more. 

“Reagan and I aren’t together. I guess I was just on the rebound and she was looking for a fling, but it’s over.” Y/n whispered, “ I love you too, so much that I do know what to do with myself.”

Abby laughed, eyes trailing down her body and finally settling on the dirt and mud and blood that had transferred from her own dirty clothes to Y/n’s. 

“Shit, sorry, got you kinda dirty.”

Y/n glanced down at herself, then shrugged with a sly glint in her eye, “It’s okay. It just means that we’re both gonna have to go shower before bed, right?”

Abby stared at her in awe for a moment, brain finally catching up to her words as she jumped to her feet, hauling Y/n up into her arms as she began a quick march in the direction of the women’s showers, the otherwise quiet hallway being disturbed by Y/n’s squeal of surprise and laughter as the tall blonde carried her. 

Though the laughter was certainly more bearable to the surrounding rooms than the sounds that echoed from the showers over the next hour, though Abby couldn’t find a single ounce of concern for the others in the moment, just glad that she was finally able to hold and touch and kiss Y/n, just like real people do.

[dusterbishop]

two thousand years of chasing taking its toll (and it's coming closer)

summary. || three timelines, you have watched remy lebeau die. you didn't believe you would earn a fourth chance to save him until you find a variant with no memory of his past, lost in a void of existence.

pairing. || gambit x f!reader (past relationship with current enemies-to-lovers)

count. || 2.5k

notes. || posted on ao3 here. warning for character death and violence. i have crushed on gambit since the animated series in the nineties so the new movie brought back a lot of feelings.

part one. || part two.

An endless spread of worlds to wander into, and this is the one you choose: Gambit crouches next to you, his breath staggering out of him in pained wheezes, his hand clasping protectively over the nape of your neck.

It is getting harder to see past the blood dripping into your eyes and the sheen of unshed tears. Your abdomen throbs in intermittent waves of little agonies, needling deep in the pit of your stomach. The shots had gone wide, at first, until you had stepped right into them. Gambit had caught you as you stumbled, swearing too fast for your mind to unjumble past the desperate rush of French.

An endless expanse of possibilities, and you are living in this one, dying in his arms. It almost makes you laugh, except it hurts to breathe, and Gambit is supporting more of your weight than he was just a moment ago.

“Now don’ go doing that again,” he manages in English. One hand on your neck, his thumb pressed over your pulse, and the other pressed tight enough against your wound to make the shadows flicker around the edges of your vision. “Mais la, there ain’ gon’ be next time, chér.”

No. There isn’t. You know it as sure as you know how much he’s hiding his own hurt. He had been blown back twenty-five feet and hit the pavement hard enough that he had laid there, stunned, unarmed. His armor had been designed to take the weight of a blow, but he wasn’t dressed for a fight. Neither of you are. So they had aimed at him, and you had made sure it wasn’t him standing there when the guns went off.

Like one breath and the next. In, and you saw his impact, saw the weapons being raised towards him. Out, and you flickered across realities as smooth as Gambit shuffled his cards, every timeline fanning out before you in a sea of possibilities. Endless, countless possibilities.

This is your last Gambit, and you’re killing him just as sure as you’re killing yourself.

“I’m sorry,” you gasp out. Your voice trembles enough to make your lungs seize up. “Remy, I’m sorry.”

“Tant pis pout toi,” he shoots back. “Help Remy get you up, chér, ‘fore they shootin’ us.”

There is no version of you that isn’t broken that still keeps him alive, so you grit your teeth and let him haul you up, steadying yourself in this timeline. It has always been easier to tether yourself to one timeline when you have something to anchor yourself to. He sweeps you up in a bridal carry, and at this angle you can rest your heavy-list head against the warmth of his broad shoulder. He is a solid port of harbor beneath your tethering weight, a rock standing unyielding to the tide around it.

Your second Gambit had been like this, too. That variant had died with a blazing playing card in hand, his mouth twisted in rage, standing before you and the TVA headhunters with all of the bravado and confidence of a hopeless man. A final stand, he had called it. The two of you had gambled and gone all-in only for Gambit to be dead and you to be thrown into another identity.

You had told yourself that you would be better for this Gambit. No vigilante justice or petty crimes. You had gone on your first date to get po' boys and traded familiar barbs while you spun yourself into the web of a narrative that wouldn’t mark you as an oddity in this world. No strange time-skipping mutant here, only a human interested in a man with blackened red eyes and a smooth talking deck of cards.

Playing the odds, raising the bet. Your Remy would have loved that.

This Gambit, though, he dies holding you just like that, cradling you close enough that you feel the breath knocked from his lungs as the bullets find their mark against his unguarded back. You both tumble forward, the impact rattling your bones, your hands lashing out to catch desperately at the sleeve of Gambit’s coat.

Reality warps and trembles around you. You can sense the unfurling of this world’s integrity, like smoothing your hand down the ridge of Oliver or Lucifer’s back and feeling them arch expectantly beneath your touch. Of all your cats, Figaro had always preferred Remy, much to his triumph. This Gambit didn’t have cats; he admitted to being allergic during your third date, and you had to quash the rush of disappointment that rose in you. You had thought to find good foster homes for the boys, at least, in exchange for the sacrifice of loving Gambit. There is some sort of intrinsic symbolism in the fact that they exist just as you two do in every timeline you share.

Not that it matters, now.

“No,” you groan, dragging yourself towards Gambit’s body. Pain lances through your abdomen in arcs of lightning. It’s nearly as debilitating as the sight of him. He’s hunched over on his side, one hand still outstretched limply towards you, the other awkwardly twisted beneath his body. Your voice wretches out of you in a pained wobble. “No, no, no.”

You take his hand and close your eyes at the fading warmth. This is the third time you’ve watched him die. You don’t know what to do anymore. The pain in your abdomen is a vicious throbbing ache in beat with your heart, a clashing crescendo descending upon your head just as disorienting as the footsteps picking their way towards you. They will shoot you in the back and call it a well-fought battle. They will destroy your body with Gambit’s and never speak your names to anyone in this world’s timeline again. As if you are nothing.

As if this version of Gambit, with his purring accent and smooth-striking dealer hands, is nothing more than an obstacle in the way of the true prize of killing you where you lay bleeding.

“I’m so sorry,” you whisper to Gambit. You have to let go of his hand so you don’t take his body with you, and then you let reality shift and expand around you, demanding the timeline to come to heel, shuffling the next five minutes into a ribbon-spread of flashing images.

One minute: you come to your feet. This is almost the hardest part. You have to find a version of yourself that is stable enough to handle the staggering weight of the transition. Your body has been operating in survival mode for far too long, especially in this timeline where you met the new Gambit in the throes of angry grief. You hardly recovered before you threw yourself into society with a desperate hope to attract him back into your orbit. This version of your body feels calm and refreshed, which must mean it’s from right after your second date with Gambit, when he escorted you home and wished you goodnight and you fell asleep with a smile on your face.

Two minutes: you see Gambit. His eyes are half-open and glazed with death, staring far into a horizon you can never reach. He would still be alive if you had never crossed timelines to search him out. This world’s version of you had been killed while you were still young and unpracticed in hiding your power. It had been easy to slip into the vacant space and fill it up with a new identity. He had never known your real name, just the mask you wore to allure him closer to you. You see him, laying there, and all you can remember is his shocked laugh when he noticed the way you ate your sandwiches with a fork and knife. Chér, ought’a you honte, non?

Three minutes: you kill them all.

Four minutes: every single one of them. This is the easiest part.

Five minutes: you have to exchange your borrowed body with your current one, and that is the hardest part. You can feel the seams of your borrowed self strain under the weight of your rapid time-skipping, further stretched thin by the pain of your current self. A wounded body decays far faster when you aren’t occupying it. It’s a reluctant exchange, and you stumble beneath the sudden weight of your current self as it wraps around your consciousness. The impact to the ground is faster than your changing, too fast to feel the echo wave of pain. You retch blood and bile, turning your face to avoid choking on it.

You will be nothing more than another corpse beside Gambit’s in a minute. You can feel the timeline of death fogging your mind, muffling your reflexes. You have exacerbated your own death by orchestrating theirs. It’s not a surprise: when Gambit fell, his breath knocked right out from him, you had felt that same jarring finality.

Only this time, only for you, when you close your eyes in death, you open them in another world entirely.

It's a battlefield.

Not surprising. Your hand automatically goes to the small of your back, fingers curling around the cool polished wood of your bo staff. With one fluid flourish, you pull it out from its sheath and extend the length, timelines humming in your hand with the same buzzing tempo of Gambit's kinetic energy. Unlike his power, your staff doesn't glow blazing violet. In one moment and the next, it simply snaps into its full length, the air hissing with displaced energy.

Once, with your Remy, he had settled himself in an armchair in your shared apartment, half-drunk with one of the cats in his lap, and he had demanded to watch you cross timelines. It took small objects, at first. A coffee cup across the room, a pair of your underwear from the bedroom, the cat purring underneath his very touch. You had been a little less drunk from your night out together, but it had been exhilarating to perform for him in a way that affected you far beyond the influences of alcohol. The weight of his black-red eyes lingering over the curve of your figure could take you apart as sure as any timeline.

He had been mystified yet delighted at your display of prowess. Y’a natural Houdini, eh, chér?

 That wasn’t quite true, though. You didn’t disappear, you simply… rearranged yourself to exist in a state of your choosing, from a time of your choosing. You had explained it to Remy like this: like choosing the channels on T.V. until you found a show you liked. Except instead of old reruns of some sitcom, you were settling on a state of existence.

Your weapon of choice - the bo staff, much like the one Remy trained you with - comes from another version of yourself. It weighs a perfect balance in your palm because it was made for you, even if you were not the one to personally commission its design. The staff whistles sharply as it cuts through the air, singing its anticipation as you swing into action, adrenaline from the fight with the hunters still raging in your veins. It’s a relief to be distracted from the last image of Gambit, dead.

Instead, you revel in the finesse of an unfair fight.

There seems to be four men surrounding you, their faces a blur of distant familiarity. Some part of you had met them, before, in another time. You could have tried to find the names to their faces if they weren’t fully committed to trying to kill you. Battle comes to you easier, and perhaps you are indulging in the violence when you could have stepped away and gone to another time.

But, perhaps, you are so fucking tired of being anything other than a violent, selfish thing.

It’s all smooth motion, to fight like this. Alone. No need to worry about a Remy LeBeau by your side in case the reckless fool got himself killed trying to protect you. You think to your Remy: I told you nothing was going to happen to me, LeBeau. I exist in so many timelines that it doesn’t matter what happens to me.

It doesn’t matter what happens to you. Not even when one of them strikes you across the face with the sharp bend of their elbow, cutting your cheek against your molars and filling your mouth with blood. You merely shuffle the deck, pull another card, draw a version of yourself with no blood and just as much battle-hardened pain tolerance. So many versions of you can handle the aftershocks of pain that your stride hardly stutters as you swing your staff and sweep his feet out from under him. Another swing, a sickening crack of a wood impact to an unprotected skull, and you keep moving to the next target.

Another hit to your ribs, hard enough to knock the breath from you. Shuffle, pull, draw. Your new borrowed body takes the hit without notice and crushes the faceless attacker’s windpipe, cutting off his shriek of pain in a gurgling wheeze. The next one tries to make a move while your back is turned, and you move to meet him, staff swinging, mouth twisted in a grimace. You can feel the timeline bending to stretch thin around you, taut with the rapid succession of your draw. Your blood thunders in a raging crescendo in your ears. There is a limit to how much you can take before you splinter apart.

You just don’t know if you care to heed that limit, anymore.

Another swing. Shuffle, draw, pull. This version of you switches from the long reach of your bo staff for the more intimate versatility of twin blunt-ended sticks. It works well for close combat. So well that your opponent has to keep to the backstep to avoid your blows, shuffling out of range.

So well, that you forget that there were four.

The pain that cracks across the back of your skull sends you to the ground in an instant. Your hands spasm and release the sticks, but not fast enough to soften the blow of your sudden fall. The timeline whines a high-pitched whir around you, unsteady in the relentless time-skipping.

Too bad, you think distantly. This is a quick life for this timeline of yours. A violent, lonely one. It is grim, but there is a quiet relief in the end beckoning you closer. The quick ones are the easiest. It only really kills you when you have to linger in the shadow of your self’s presence. A living ghost. That’s all you really are. You just haunt the narrative of your own lifetimes.

You, and Gambit.

Blazing purple flashes across your vision, and the timeline whirs again, except it isn’t, because you haven’t used your dealer’s hand. It isn’t your power charging the air with magnetic energy. It is all Gambit’s. Of course it fucking is.

How ironic for you to find him now, in this timeline where he has never known your name, when you are already dead? You close your eyes to silently curse out whatever pathetic higher being found fit to orchestrate your life into this circus sideshow.

“Cherchez la femme,” he says. His accent is lilting in its coyness. “Found ya’, chér.”