#tw:mention of possible suicide

[mortuaest]

Ive been suffering and I dont want to be alive on new years eve, and if I dont stay too long at a friends house, my plan of possibly overdosing on a shit ton of pills will happen.

I lost a friend at the start of 2022.  I was never informed until I found out through FB then I was never informed of their funeral. I lost the job I had after 10 and a half years because Supervision and management. I got a new job, and within a week of that I had someone who was 87 years old blast through the red light they had while I was turning left.  Because of that Im now having more serious health issues.  Period for five and a half months.  My first severe concussion.  Staples in my head, broken bone. 

I lost my Emotional support animal.  Ive had him since he was five weeks old.  I was fifteen and a half.  He got me through so much abuse because of my egg donor not wanting an autistic child and an autistic adult as a child, and someone who’s Queer (I’m non-binary and asexual) and his cancer in his cheek got worse, fast.  He helped me through the medical rape I went through at 19 years old and he’s the reason why I lived for so long and stopped trying to take my life for so long. 

I expected to be dead by 14 years old.

Not even three weeks after loosing the light of my own life, I lost another friend.  His father didn’t really tell us the cause of death but it was an accident, and it wasn’t by his own hand which we’re happy that it wasn’t.  

Then I lost the last bit of family I thought I had on Christmas because of the fact that my father cannot accept the fact that I’m not his daughter, Im his offspring, and I havent been his daughter since around 2016 and havent used my Deadname unless its for legal reasons, since I dont have the time or money to legally change it since October 2018.  And my sister thinks that just respecting my pronouns and new name is all I need, and that whatever issues with my father I have with his severe transphobia is between him and I and not her issue, with her knowing full well Im dealing with so fucking much.

Friends JUST finally started giving a shit, not even a week ago.  A ton of them know and knew about my plans of suicide once my ESA passed, I cant last without him.  People know that he’s gone.  Im someone who has two sexual assaults, twenty plus years of physical, mental and emotional abuse, PTSD from that, PTSD from working during COVID-19 being immune comprimised and therapists not taking me seriously because I only have medicaid and I’m autistic and part of the LGBTA.

Im so, so tired.  I dont know if Ill be surviving this year and if I do its going to get even worse mentally and emotionally for me.  I don’t have a support system or anything that I know I need to survive and keep going and live.  I cant keep going.   Im so broken I don’t deserve to be fixed, and Im having my probably 30th or more mental breakdown because Im just so fucking tired of this year.

So if I disappear, and if I do survive this year, I’m sorry if I take a two week hiatus or something.  I don’t have replies barely ever to do anyway, so I doubt people will miss me.  Ill let people know.  I just, need to get this off my chest and I know my friends are tired of me ranting and bitching on FB.  They probably think Im over reacting on everything that happened.

I have a queue lined up to post memes once a day and I feel Ill be adding more as a just in case I do last past today.  

Im sorry if Ive disappointed anyone as a roleplay partner, Im sorry Im a shitty person.  Im sorry Im weak.

[reasaph]

"I don't believe in God, but I believe that your my savior."

Soshiro Hoshina x Suicidal Fem Reader!

Summary: (name) a person with no beliefs, no reason and will to live gets hospitalized after another attempt. There, she meets hoshina soshiro and she's been looking forward to waking another morning since.

TW:mention of death, reader got hospitalized for attempting, mention of bedrotting.

Title is from the song "sailor song" by Gigi Perez!

Part 2!

You and Soshiro talked for hours, the cans of the coffee he's got you both long forgotten and moist. To say they were the most comfortable hours of your life wouldn't be an exaggeration. Your sure hes got you hooked. Humbly, you ask anyone; be it fate or any god. You wish, you beg, you 𝘱𝘳𝘢𝘺 to whoever in charge to extend the hours with him. One minute more to bask in his presence, thats it. You've never desired something so much that you decided to pray. That was something you never thought you'd do. You didnt dwell your whole personality on just a mere belief. But he's got you on your knees, hands claspped with eyes screwed shut, asking for another more minute.

"So so, what d'ya do you think the doctors here do on their free time?" A silly and deranged question. From the short time you'd spend with him, not even a day Long, you had keeped count of those incoherent questions of his. You dont know if he was doing it On purpose, but those questions are the ones That sat you here on this bench fo hours.

"well, This is a tiring job. So they'd probably want as much rest, right?"

"Probably, Your right. I like to think they gossip about patients."

"Thats completely unprofessional."

He laughs. You laugh to, and you dont evem realize it. The vibrating echo of Your laughter didnt sound forced this time, it didn't need to be ripped and snatched out of your throat. It was sincere, you could say it would only be with him. This is new, clutching your stomach in futile attempt to control the laughs that keep escaping, incredibly new. You dont even know what your laughing at anymore, you just are. Hoshina had stopped making noise the moment you did. It was his first time hearing someone laugh like that, so raw and free. He could tell your unfamiliar with the sound of your own happiness, it wasnt rocket science. He feels like he'd just unveiled an artifact, so precious even when kept and hidden for centuries. It would mean the world to him if he could keep making you laugh like this. He didn't say anything, he'd be so guilty if he interupped you at your highest.

But all good things must come to an end. You know that the most. Your familliar with the bitterness that comes after everything worth hanging on to. It all seemed to short, even now. The moment Hoshina checked the time, you knew what was coming next, you could smell it a mile away. Yet you still hopped you were wrong, you dont want this conversation to end just yet. You dont want to face everything head on again. That face he made told everything, it screamed 'i have to go' and it wrathed over your chest. You dont want him to go, you dont want to leave the comfortable atmosphere with him. And above all, you dont wanna feel like an empty walking corpse once more. Hoshina turned to face you, a mourning look adorned his features. That was a new expression of his you've witnessed, you've only seen him giddy and silly until now. Now, he looks upset. You know your time with him is over for today.

"Hey, (name), really sorry but I hafta go now. That smug of a doc said I have prescriptions to take." Thats odd, why is he apologizing? Could he perhaps feel the same agony as you? You believe its impossible, but not because you think he doesn't care. Because he cant possibly match the ache in your chest. He cant, for its to much to even put into words. He hasn't even moved from his seat yet you already long to be in his presence again. Hoshina is sad, yes, but you are 𝘸𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘥.

"Its fine, I really uh— enjoyed talking to you."

"Hey now, dont say it like we wont see each other again. Yer still treating me tomorrow, dont forget about that now. "

"Right."

You guys parted ways after waving goodbye and mumbling 'see you'. The walk back to your hospital room, you felt even more empty and hollow each step your feeble legs took you. Because each step signicates a meter added to the distance between you and him. You dont know where Hoshina is right now, you cant pinpoint his exact location in this big of a hospital and If you could strap a beacon on him, you would. Your chest boils once again, you could feel your lungs close to giving in. It was hell all over again, yet this time, the pain your experiencing is caused by longing. Not because of something so unpleasant, but because of something beautiful. Beautiful, despite being so painful. You pass by many people on the way back, patient and worker alike. You wished you'd pass by a man with a purple bowlcut instead.

You arrived to your own quarters and just collapsit, headfirst on the hospital bed, burrying rour face onto the pillow. It smelled alcholic, to much chemicals used to cleanse it. You inhaled a breath full despite it, the smell left a blazing path in your nostrils, on their way to Polute your lungs. You laid back up right, now met with the pristine material of the crystal white ceiling. Why does every hospital have to be white? Its always so blinding. Not to mention your now having a staring contest with the very source of light in the room, that antagonizing light bulb. It'll turn off automatically at a certain time, but you want it to close now. The darkness was always your comfort, there you were able to lay yourself bare without anyone having to see you.

Your mind wanders back to Hoshina, it seems he put a leash on you as to why you keep thinking about him for more than a normal amount for just a day. You dont wanna be where you cant see him, you wanna hear his sickenly joyous voice and his flashing smile that outshines even the farthest of stars, you wanna talk nonsense with him again, his nonsense never failed to Lift the corners of your mouth to a smile. And you will, tomorrow.

Tomorrow, 8 am. Thats the time you've both agreed upon. Usually, you wouldn't get up until late in the afternoon, just rotting on your bed, the walls would always cave in and the atmosphere was suffocating. You never got up. There was no good reason to, you almost convinced yourself to throw all common sense and self hygiene out the window and just get buried rotting on your bed. Because every time you'd get up, it feels like every misfortune of the whole globe are dumped on your shoulders. It weighs you down, it weighs you back on that sickenly sweet mattress and there you stay there until the next blue moon.

But now, you want to drift to sleep faster and when you wake, your ready to meet Hoshina again. Your so eager to see him, it cant be controlled. His face is the only thing you'd never get tired of. You think its hilarious, you've only met him but you were sure he could mean more. This isn't just some high school crush, your confident about your feelings towards him for you've never felt something this intense your whole uears of living. Not even your longing of death can overrun this feeling. You sew your eyes tight, seeing only pitch black, all this so you could finally sleep and who knows? Maybe even see him in the phantasms of your unconscious state of mind. Thats how low you've stooped. You'll sleep so you can see him faster, you dont like waiting long.

Eventually, you do fall asleep. But not Hoshina. Yes, he's still awake, in his own room, fresh bandages wrapped around his injuries he got from fighting. And yes, if your wondering, hes thinking about you to. He yearns to be in your presence as well, almost as much as you. He doesn't know why. He talks with everyone like that, but he's enjoyed his time with you exceedengly more. Hoshina has been put aside his whole life, all because of his talent and preference for blades over guns. Just because of one measly difference, he was treated differently and looked down upon. But with you, he felt cherished. Its a first for Hoshina to not get judged by first meeting. He doesn't have to train hard or change anything to impress you, it'll come naturally. Hoshina turns around on the matress, facing the window so the ripe rays of the moonlight slapped on his face in result. 'I wants to see her again' was the last thing he talked about before falling asleep.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Its 6 in the morning and your half awake. You woke up to early, just how excited are you? But its not a good thing that theres still alot of time before the agreed upon time. You just know that the next 2 hours will double tenfold when waiting to see Hoshina again. Your not a morning person, not at all. Your regular routine is not for the faint of heart. If some woke up at 6am, you'd be turning off Your phone and tucking yourself to bed. So your shocked by your eagerness to see him, to the point where you'll try to get better. Your convinced Hoshina has hit you with a pan, because your aacting absolutelyInsane.

You brush your teeth and hair, and thoroughly clean your bruises as to the doctors said. You wonder when you gonna get discharged but thats for later, dear reader. You dread the fact that you have to wear that awful hospital gown again, but alas, it is required. You try to look as presentable as you can. You usually wouldnt bother putting effort in your physical appearance, but you figured it would be nice for once. You were sat on a chair, waiting impatiently like a child waiting for they're treat. You were milimeters close to just turning the Whole building upside down just so you can see Hoshina.

So imagine how excited you were when the clock had acutely hit the digit 8. The minute it did, you were busting out of the room, with your injured leg by the way. The pain had seemingly went away and healed, or it was Just overpowered by your giddyness that your nerves didn't have the space to make up for physical pain. So here you were, dragging yourself across these hallways once again. You passed by that same old lady on a wheel chair that you did yesterday. She gave you a judging face back then, which a wasn't such rare occurrence, you were used to having such glares dumped upon the entirety of your shameful being. But now you wondered if she found any difference, between the walking dead body you were yesterday and the eestatic, hungry, affection driven limp you are now.

Whilst you were rushing like you were catching up to a work deadline, he was enjoying his walk through these glossy, hauntingly white hallways. Taking each step according to the comfort of his legs, hands crossed on the broadness of his chest as he struts the hallway. Soshiro Hoshina has always been scary great at maintaining his composure. Those under his wing back at the third division are well aware of it, they have front row seats to how he switches from acting all goofy to having a stoic face in a matter of miliseconds, they even kidded around about how his control over his expressions is the work of witchcraft. However, don't be fooled by his calm demeanor, he's excited to see you as well. But as Vice-captain, it wouldn't be very ideal to him if he just jogged as fast as he can in patient filled hhallway. Hoshina disciplined himself to the bone, he wont let up now.

After what seemed like an eternity of turning corners and navigating his way through these hallways, Hoshina finally sees sight of the cafeteria. He steps in, and the homogenous smell of the food slaps him in the face. If he was weird enough to concentrate and differentiate the aroma, he probably can guess whats on the menu for today. Hoshina wastes no time in trying to find your presence, your presence in which he couldn't get enough of yesterday. His head startes whipping around, turning left to right, right to left in search of a peek of your appearance. He was baffled to say the least, shocked at the population of the people present here this morning. He wants to see you, asap. He started walking to those with even with the slightest resemblance of what your physical appearance looks like, in hopes that it would be you. He saw someone with the same hair color as yours, kinda fooled him there for a brief second. He just kept circling around the vastful room, so distracted in finding you. He doesn't wanna merely sit down and wait, conclude that your not here yet and he should just sit tight. Scarlet eyes scanned the whole cafeteria, but eyes always had blindspots where they provided no visuals, thats why he didn't notice your presence coming up from his south.

You tapped his shoulder from behind.

He doesn't think hes ever whipped his head back that fast his whole life. Hoshina turned his head so urgently he swears he heard a subtle pop in his neck. Upon seeing the sight of your face, he was 'joyous', actually thats underwhelming what Hoshina was feeling at the moment, he was euphoric. His skin feels like its being roasted and his lungs are short of gas. He feels weird, he doesn't know what to do or what to say so hoshina just stood there agape. You didn't move a muscle either, mouth zipped shut with no intention of letting put any sort of noise in fear that he'd back away. You didn't dare try to make a distance, everything else caved in, nothing else mattered, just the one in front of you. He looked so right, and by that you dont mean he's handsome (although he surely is very attractive). By 'right' you mean you'd never get tired of his appearance.

Hoshina Soshiro, to you, is the finest work of art exhibited in museum of life, the most astounding creation of matter you've laid your eyes upon.

Oh shit, you like him, the Hoshina Soshiro.

[crybyemissamericanpie]

Old friend - Mike Schmidt x gn!reader (angst)

Old friend - Mike Schmidt x gn!reader (angst)

TW:Mention of suicide attempts,Mention of abuse,Bit of cursing

The office was thick with tension as Mike met their gaze, the lingering smell of coffee seemingly in line with the general ambience of the room.

While others may have assumed there was a deeper layer of resentment at work, the truth was that there was simple too much pride involved between the two of them to acknowledge any animosity.

Mike spoke up first, voice low and carrying a hint of tension in it, “I’m doing my job perfectly fine, I don’t understand why they brought you in."

They were no strangers to eachother and they had some history too,they knew each other way back in high school,they weren't in good condition now for sure

"You fell asleep on the job"They says looking at Mike with a calm face

“I was resting my eyes…” Mike murmured,annoyed “They look just the same as closed ones, anyway.”

He shifted in his seat, the chair letting off a slight creak. Mike hated this place with a passion, the night-shift being too quiet and lonely for comfort, so he had always taken to having a nap whenever possible. It was a wonder the boss hadn’t caught on by now…but suddenly an old ex-friend of his decides to show up,and get the job just to be with him“You and I have been through this song and dance before…”He said.silence fills the room

"We both fucked up okay?you don't have to always bring up the past"They say,frustrated.Looking down at Mike who is sitting infront of the desk with the cameras to the whole place

“What exactly have I ever done wrong?” Mike demanded, voice low - although more out of his general dislike of speaking.

The truth was, he and them had always been the same,both just as stubborn as each other and too proud to concede on anything.

“I’m not the one who left my responsibilities to chase a boy.” Mike muttered,looking away from their eye trying not to hold eye contact.

Mike and Their fathers really liked each other so they grew up together,but when both of their parents died, something clicked inside of them

They stays quiet for a moment,looking at Mike

"I was going through something too, you know what it was...And yeah I chased a boy! Yeah! I left my whole life behind me for a boy that just ruined me,cheated on me and abused me physically and mentally and I was left broken."They burst out

"I didn't get in contact with you cause I knew that I couldn't even take care of myself not even you and Abby,i didn't wanna give both of you another hard thing, to deal with also with me. When I accepted of what happened I tried helping cause I knew that I could finally help and not just be a distraction"They says,their eyes full of hope

Mike stayed stone-still as he listened to your sudden and lengthy explanation, mind racing with different thoughts and reactions. His own mothers hadn’t been fond of them either, although there weren’t any concrete reasons for their dislike they simply “had a feeling”.

He considered their words for a long moment.he understood their struggle, and understood why they did what they did. But they couldn’t run from your responsibilities when it came to family, and leaving Abby behind didn’t help any.

“You could’ve tried a bit harder.” Mike muttered eventually.

They sigh"mike.listen here, I tried to kill myself a lot in that time but do you know why I didn't do it?Because of you and Abby,cause I knew and thaught that if I'm in a better place of mind I could help and you would accept it"They confesses hardly and a bit harshly,their eyes darting into his trying to not shed a tear

“I understand that….” Mike mumbled, shifting his weight uncomfortably in his seat. He hadn’t known that they had dealt with anything close to that, but now he could see the toll it had taken on them.

Mike didn’t want to seem weak, despite his true thoughts and feelings on the situation, “It’s still not great that you just left us like that. What if I needed you?”

"I would have been a distraction,I couldn't help you or Abby if I didnt know how to help myself,I would have been just another ton of weight on your back for you to worry about"They say,trying to keep their breath steady

“And I wasn’t a distraction to you?” Mike demanded, voice louder than before out of spite.

He couldn’t help but feel hurt by some of their words - they were true, yes, and they had certainly done the right thing by staying away at that time, but it still sucked that they hadn’t kept in touch with him or Abby.

“You left me, and Abby, and we didn’t hear anything from you for years!” Mike pointed out.

"Bullshit,I sent birthday cards and holiday cards everyday with a small stupid qoute on it and my name!"They said fighting for justice ,for mike to realize that they arent that bad that mike think they are

“You think cards meant anything to me? You know Abby, she loved those cards, she used to read them over and over as if they were some kind of message of hope,” Mike said, voice softening.

“But for me? They only served as a reminder that my best friend had left.” Mike murmured.

"I was ashamed of who I was of what have I become,I moved country side,I had food delivery,I had a job that I didn't have to talk to people and stay in my house and just write, I would have never had a thought that maybe I could show up to your guys house"They whisper and admit,they were dreaned at the time,mentally and that made them sick

they wouldnt get out of bed,brush teeth,eat,work out,cook.

do anything.basically.

But Mike didnt know that even after they confess,he would never understand,he saw them just as a person who cut him and Abby out of their life without saying goodbye and now suddenly wants to come back or...

Mike thought about it for a moment, considering their words and what they had gone through.

He knew the feeling of shame, and the weight that accompanied it, and knew how hard it was to escape from that place.

Still, no matter the reason, they had left his only sister for years without a word although they had suffered, what right did they have to do that to not even Mike but Abby?

“Why did you come back?” Mike asked,raising an eyebrow as he looks up at them

"im-..."They sigh"im here to help you guys,i talked to Abbys teacher and im worried and finally i can help"They say

silence.

Mike furrows his eyebrows,a bit of guilt washes over him but he tries to ignore it

"you dont have to accept,if you want me to never talk to you or abby ever again and just keep sending cards,ill do it."They say as they look into his eyes

He sighs"We dont need your help.You can leave"Mike mutters under his breath

They nod and walk out of the office.

The guilt was still on Mikes heart but he didnt trust them now,he didnt want them to come back to their life and then leave like a building

Mike just sat there and thought was he right was he wrong?questions filled his head but his choice was final.he sees them leave throught the cameras,getting into their car ,then driving away...

[thrall-of-the-hill-arch]

✨

When things began to change, when Silent Hill's gate was opened and the road destroyed, the world was upside down. Lucas was hearing a trial about a suit against the mines for something, most likely a minor injury that the company didn't pay enough money for. It was all standard. Half asleep in his chair he heard the siren for the first time, the town never ran tests on it and certainly not in the middle of the day. The bailiff lead them to the second courtroom over that laid in the center of the building, all meant to keep them safe should an actual storm becoming to find them.

The storm did, or so they though, when they heard the rumble of asphalt and screams rising from below. It's a sound Lucas will never hear. The sound of grown men crying for their wives or mothers, begging them to take them home and free them from the fire that dared to consume it all. It was then that the smoke began to roll in, squeezing through the gaps of the doors as if it were alive enough to know how. Blurring the lights until one couldn't see passed their nose, choking and gasping against it Lucas tried to find them fresh air. He fell to his knees before the Judge's Stand, the state seal visible to him, the metal on it rusted and falling away, reaching out to touch it he heard the doors slam open behind them.

The man who had come to argue his case began to scream, seeing the horrid creature that walked in beside the child was not a dog, but a rotted one. Its teeth shown through its torn lips as he growled at the mortal being. With a snap of her fingers the thing lunged at the man ripping his throat out without any fight at all, his screams bubbled over with the blood pouring from the holes. Turning to try and face whatever it was Lucas' back was pressed to the seal as he stood, soon her small form came into view. His shoulders relaxed thinking the threat was over, how wrong he was, with another snap the barb wire he would use so effortlessly later wrapped around his wrists. Tugging him against the stand he was held up until his feet no longer touched the floor, a wire wrapped around his neck squeezing tight.

"You, just the man I was looking for," she started with the voice of a fully grown woman in a child vessel, "You do as your father did, and his father before him, rule on the law of your land." Coughing the man tried to fight his metal restraints cutting up his arms and neck, "Our world will need one like you- one to create order out of our chaos." Her face struck true fear he hadn't felt before in his life time, the void filled gaze up at him made him feel a cold he could only attribute to a final rest. A fate he did not want to find.

Struggling harder Lucas knew whatever was to come from her was far worse than his death, feeling the slight prick of one blade by his jugular he started to think. She stepped close staring up at him with a dark wonder, her eyes blacked out and vast, "You will be our judge and our executioner, you will not allow sinful souls to rot here as they have for so many generations." Seeing the blade in the woman's hand Lucas pressed against the sharp blade and with one swift yank of his neck ripped open the soft tissue. The blood poured in a heavy stream from his throat, the pain was unimaginable, expecting her to react he was unhinged seeing the smile on her face.

"So eager," a chair was brought to her by an unseen thing, as she stepped onto it she placed a hand on his chest coating her hand in the crimson stream, "So strong."

With little ceremony the girl stabbed into his left shoulder, finally cries of pain escaped the man as his muscles began to grow numb. Blood loss created spots in his vision. She finally dragged the blade down, the skin peeled open allow more blood to slow from him. Another snap and more wire was coming form above, slipping into the wound and filling the middle of the man's torso. He could feel each inch under his skin spreading through his body following his veins, blades poked out as they got too close to the surface. Screams stopped, his body twitched as the wire reached into the depths of him until finally they sprung free from his mouth-

Lucas woke with a scream, it echoed as his hands went to his throat feeling for blood or blades and found nothing. Glancing around he found himself at the edge of a collapsed road, fog encased him prevent him from seeing just where he was. As he slowly pushed off the ground starting up the intact asphalt he saw a green sigh, a highway sigh. It read "Silent Hill". Too stunned to move deep down Lucas knew he wasn’t home, that home was gone, where ever he was now was hell. Whoever was left was not going to be for long, dropping to his kneels he felt panic began to rise in his chest, a sob escaped him a moment later. 

“Welcome home Judge.”

[l05t1nth3v01d]

JSE(4/?)

TW:mentions of Anti,suicide

Jameson Jackson

(Picture from pinterest)

Other names:Dapper Jack,Jack Daniels,Chap,Jackson,William Dapper,Fancypants,Jackstache,JJ,Jamie

• Quirky,charming,loveable gentleman who seems to be mute,approaches each situation with vigor and loves to set a particular mood so others can have fun with him,has a great imagination,takes pride in every new idea,excepts the best results out of what he does,encourages creativity in others,when he makes a mistake we willingly owns up to it(even jokes about it)and does his best to make his next attempt even better,can be clumsy,tends to misplace tool he needs for his goals,sensitive smell,distaste for messiness(even if he chose a project that is messy),preserves until he finds the end he hoped for,accepting any help along the way

• Appears to have the power of creation(occasionally produces what he needs out if thin air)

• "The Jacksepticeye Power Hour-Jameson Jackson "

[Link]

》likes to crave pumpkins,informs the viewers that "the pumpkin is dead and won't feel pain"

》after he is done he congratulates himself and begins to clean up.He accidentally cuts himself and begins to treat the wound

》Anti appears,telling the viewers that he's still watching and waiting and that Jameson is soon another one of his puppets

• Jack refuses to answer two questions in an akinator video

》if his character is a puppet

》if his character has killed

-said his character probably fights evil,meaning that him(Jackson) siding with Anti is up for debate

• October 31st 2019|"JJs Jolly Jaunts"

[Link] 

》performed a puppet show,the story:^a man goes missing and requests the assistance of Sherbert Holds to find the killer.The killer is unveiled as the detective himself,harboring two sides^

》halfway through the performance Jameson finds a string attached to one of his wrists but proceeds with the show like nothing is wrong

》shortly after the show ended,Jameson suddenly becomes possessed,his eyes roll back and constantly flicker,he acts like cutting his throat (possibly referring to "SAY GOODBYE"),he motions in sign language "help me",before losing full control,he stares into the camera before it fades to black

So I love this man sm I'm crying.Anyways I really like doing this.And I would really like YOU TO TELL ME MORE LETS GO PLS

[justice-is-a-weapon]

in vino veritas [dazai x gn reader]

·•━━━━━━━⋆⋅☆⋅⋆━━━━━━━•·

Prologue / ?

previous / next

TW:mention of a double suicide (Dazais usual shenanigans), alcohol

"So… what's your name? I have never seen you around. A foreigner perhaps?" "You needn't know my name. Unimportant. But yeah I'm not exactly from here. You're right with that one." "See? I'm a genius!" Rolling my eyes I answered: "I don't think it's very hard to find out that I'm not from here due to the fact that I had to ask you to read out the menu for me. Your writing system is confusing." "Touché." I met him on a Friday night. The location of the bar I was currently visiting was near Yokohama Bay. That's where I met him. In the "Three Martini". I didn't know his name nor his age. But I could tell he liked cheap booze. "And you're Japanese I assume?" "How'd you tell?" "The bartender talks to you as if you're a local. So I just assume you are one." "Well that is correct. I'm quite well known" "A nightlife celebrity? So what would your name might be? Because I surely don't know who you are. But I understand how you could become memorable. You really have weird requests. Most people would probably stay as far away from you as possible." "Ouch that hurt. But my offer for a double suicide still stands." That was exactly the request I was talking about. I didn't say no. At least not directly. He looked surprised. I guess that is why he didn't just turn to the next pretty face and repeat his offer. So he stayed. I didn't have much information about him whatsoever. All I knew was that he was possibly broke or just a real cheapskate. I doubt that he can cook. Just an assumption. He looks like the type of guy that (not so) secretly sings to Britney Spears in the bathroom, which can't be all too often because his hair looked pretty greasy even in the dim lighting. He looks like the type of guy that lives in a messy tiny flat. That's the type of guy he is. "You're avoiding the question. What's your name? Or should I just call you 'roach' since you can't seem to die." "So mean. If you want me to tell you, I need something to call you as well." "Ophelia. A teacher once told me I remind her of Ophelia. So call me that." "Dazai. You may call me Dazai." Yep. Never heard of him. I would only later realize just how well known this guy was. "So why are you here Dazai?" "I guess for the same reason as you are. To get drunk I assume." He played with his glass of whiskey for a little bit. That was a lie and I could tell. He didn't even take a sip out of it. I was already on my second beer. "Two shots please" I was intrigued. Maybe he'll open up more with some alcohol in his system. One for me and one for him. He glanced at me, raising his eyebrows and shot glass in hand. As if to accept my challenge. "Shall we do a toast?" "A toast to what?" "To our first meeting" "Our first?" "I have a feeling we'll meet again." "I'm looking forward to it" I like the sound of glass on glass. It was a sound I haven't heard in quite some time. At least not with me being the one who caused it. It felt quite familiar. Dazai. I still tried to figure him out. He was doing the same. It's a game between the two of us now. Let's see who reveals the other first. It was quiet for a second until I spoke up: "Weird question, but do you listen to Britney Spears perhaps?" He did.

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[So I guess here's the Prologue. I'm currently still working on the details of where this story is going to go. I just know that the reader definitely is not as harmless as they seem. I'll explain the reason of not telling dazai their name later on. The question of the ability still remains. So I'm very glad for every comment on that post I can get. I already made myself a Pinterest board for future ideas. For the story's sake the reader is German like myself. I'm going to tell you this much.]

As always I am open for requests and ideas as well as feedback from you guys.

[slasherstuff]

How actually datable are some of the Slashers?

A/n:I havent written anything in a pretty long time so I wanted to step out of my comfort zone and do something a bit longer^^ I dont usually write for a few of these characters so it might be a bit off,but I hope It isnt that bad.I tried to make this as non-biased as possible,this is just my opinion and how I see the topic.

The scale:

10-7: Pretty datable^^

7-5: Not that bad

5-3: Oof

3-0: Haha...why?

Jason Voorhees:

TW:Mentions of bullying,killing,possible neglection(?),mentions of depression and suicidal topics etc.

7/10

The only reason hes not higher is because he has a lot of issues to overcome,most of them being about him being bullied and his mother.Even tho Jason is a fully grown man,he still has a child-like mindset because that was when he "died" which means he missed a huge part of growing up(and getting proper education but that doesnt play the biggest role right now).He is going to depend on you because he sees you as a parent-like figure or at least similar to that.I would have putted him lower,but he does have a lot of potential do at least learn how to deal with his trauma properly,especially now that he has a partner and someone by his side.Despite all that,Jason is defenetly caring about you in his own way and cares about your emotions and how you feel.He would treat you right and respect you a lot as well

Michael Myers:

4/10

Even tho I myself,like the most of the fandom,am a Myers simp it doesnt change the fact that he is pretty heartless.He went throu a lot of weird stuff,from killing his own sister to having some weird-ass doctor be in charge of him and his actions for a long time.Michael would most likely always put anything that has to he done on you and not really care if you like it or not unless you threaten to leave him,but even that wont work after a while.In the end he would probably leave you once he gets sick of it or something in his head tells him that hes better on his own.Even tho the relationship with him is possible,it would be pretty toxic and rather...well rough.Despite the all of the bad talk,if youre dating Michael Myers your granted to feel protected all of the time.He is a serial killer after all,and if he is dating you it means he cares about you at least a little bit.

Bubba Sawyer:

8/10

If we turn a blind eye to his brothers and the time they leave in,Bubba is rather datable.He has a kind of similar problem like Jason,that being having trauma that effected the way he grew up. Meaning that he has a hard time expressing himself,but at the same time being pretty emotional.We can see in the TCM 2 how he expresses his feelings to Stretch,giving off a lot of confusing signals at the same time.As Jason,he can also overcome most of this problem by working throu it with his partner.It would take a lot of time and effort however,but if you really want to help him its worth it.Even tho having trouble expressing himself,Bubba is very in sync with your emotions.Somehow,he manages to feel if youre upset and help you the best way he can.He puts a lot of effort in relationship with you,which adds to the points.

Thomas Hewitt:

7/10

I would have given a 6-6.5,but Thomas has a lot of potential. He has a lot of inner struggle,from letting you in his life to accepting that you realy do want him.Its a popular headcanons that Thomas is suicidal and/or has depression and I deeply agree from what we had seen in the movie.That takes off of his self confidence a lot,making him avoid you or even try and make you not like him at first because he isnt sure wheter he deserves it or not.However,if your stubborn enough and get throu his though skin,expect to be treated the best you can be treated.It would take Thomas a bit to grasp on what to do,but none the less you will be seen as his equal and have someone care about you as much as it is possible. I feel like Thomas would always respect your opinion and give yoi comfort or helo you with something without you even asking.

Vincent Sinclair:

5-6/10

Oh,gentle boy gentle..As much as I hate to admit,he would be really skeptical of you at first and it would take a couple of months for him to even let you in his work place(aka the basement).He would be in denial of his emotions for quite a time,and even when he comes to terms that he likes you even a bit he brushes it off because "you dont like him back".If you do manage to get into an relationship with him however,you still wouldnt manage to spend a lot of time with him.He insists on working alone and he also didnt experience any sort of affection after his mother died.One of the reasons I didnt put him lower is because ue would generally carw about you.Even if it some things as simple as bringing you an apple if you have skipped a meal or putting an extra blanket over you while you sleep.If youre upset or feel down,he would try the best he can to cheer you up,even if its just putting his hand over yours.

[callousdegenerate]

TW:mentions of suicide, self harm, depression, ptsd(and the doctors since they are their own tw)

Do any of the doctors have ptsd? Were any of them so depressed in their life they became suicidal? Did any of them sh?

[]

I think most all of them have been through traumatic experiences, but I wouldn't say PTSD, or at least not severe ptsd.

It's possible a few of them considered suicide, or at least thought heavily about death, but never went through with planning for it. For people like TO, Lucius, Milos, and Lilah, they were expected to tough a lot out so they likely dismissed a lot of those feelings or stuffed them away rather than acknowledge them. A few of them transformed their terrors and miseries into something else--Lilah embraced the strange and horrible, Milos laughed it all away, and TO/Lucius took control of their fears by being the ones to fear.

Others simply used distractions to keep their minds away from the terrible. Sex, drugs, alcohol, even non-vice things like intense studying, hobbies, or rigorous practice.

There are probably still doctors even now that think a lot about death, but try not to.

[blissfulalchemist]

1 + 2 + 3 + 4 for every oc? (Character solidifying!)

Thank you for asking! ☺️💖🌺Sorry for any spelling errors 😣

1. How does your character think of their father? What do they hate and love about him? What influence - literal or imagined - did the father have?

Catlina: She actually has a pretty good relationship with her father. He’s more of the quiet types of dads but he’s always been there for her. He just wasn’t always one to pick up the phone for a “Hey how are you doing?” kind of conversation. She loves him dearly and has always appreciated his sense of humor and never hated him even when her mom tried to make him out to be the bad guy during their divorce. Coming from a military background, Navy, he always put an emphasis on being able to defend yourself no matter what, he was never one to pressure his kids to take classes for guns or things like that, but more on the emphasis of if you can avoid a fight, do. Be smart of your surroundings and know what’s around you, be as observant as possible. He also influenced her to be well read and to just head strong for what you believe in. Overall she holds her father in well regards but he was never her hero but she loves and respects him dearly.

Chance: Oh man...Oh boy this boy only ever knew his father and his father’s father. They drive him and his character so much. He loved them both so much and Chance was absolutly heart broken when they both died. Chance doesn’t hate much about them really, he does wish his dad was a little more present and not so focused on his work at times, but loves that he was there when Chance asked or needed him most. Chance also loved how selfless his father was, this was a man that saw a young college girl going through a hard time, saw her potential and so he opened his home for her and her child(Chance!). He gave Chance a home and family after she abandoned Chance instead of putting him in the system, knowing there would be talk about him and his “relationship” with Chance’s mom. And then years later saw someone in trouble and wanted to help them, that plan didn’t happen but he tried. Chance’s grandfather now here was another person that raised and cared for Chance when he didn’t have to. Once Ray died Chance’s grandfather could have given him to the system but chose to keep Chance despite his age and health. Chance did hate how old school his grandfather was and how strict he could be, but he knows now that it was for good reason. Chance also loves the amount of things he learned about the outdoors because his grandfather taught him. This boy just loves them so much, they were his heroes even if he didn’t always treat them like it.

Lance: Lance didn’t know much about his father other than that he was married when he had an affair with his mom. Given that it was a bit of a small town where he grew up he did learn that his father was notorious for sleeping around. Lance grew up hating his father once he found out but that soon quelled as he came to realize it didn’t matter who his father was so long as he didn’t repeat the same mistakes. He’s very indifferent to him and the only influence his dad hand on him was being lesson one in what not to do in a relationship.

2. Their mother? How do they think of her? What do they hate? Love? What influence - literal or imagined - did the mother have?

Catlina TW:mention of suicide: She...does not like her mother in the slightest. Catlina will be in a room with her if situations called for it, but interactions with her are very limited. To Cat her mother stopped being one when she emotionally abandoned her daughter after a suicide attempt. Cat’s mom made it all about her and calling Cat really crazy and dramatic, not believing much about what the doctors said about Cat’s mental state. Cat tried to have a better relationship with her mother but each time it seemed her mother’s love was conditional to when Cat could be happy and normal. Despite all this though she still holds a love for her mom and would care for her if she was to get sick but Cat hates herself for it. The influence on Cat her mother has is one that Cat finds to be very negative. To Cat she was the one that worsened her depression and anxiety in trying to please her mom and be everything she wanted. SHe also sees her mom as an example as to why one should not feel anger and let it out, her mother was well known for the screaming matches between...well almost anyone. It was her way or the highway. Overall despite feeling some love for her mom, she is everything negative about Cat, which makes it harder for Cat to feel like a whole person, and has been a negative influence on Cat’s life.

Chance: There are spoilers if I was to write this to the extent as Cat or Lance but here we go. Chance didn’t know his mom much and was always a little sad about it especially because his dad wouldn’t talk about her much other than saying that she had her own problems and that’s why she left Chance with him, so she could give Chance the best life he could have. After reading his father’s journals Chance finds out about how his mom hurt him in a way that would end in paralysis or death had there not been intervention, Chance does hold an anger and resentment for her. Though he is curious about her and does want to find out what happened to her.

Lance: Lance loves his mom and appreciates all that she did for him growing up despite the hardships. Her influence on him was his caring and softer side that never left. This is the main reason he was so involved with Sage’s life and why he develops soft spots for a certain deputy and herald. His mom LOVED the stories of Camalot and used it to teach him ways in being noble and a fighter for good. While Lance finds her views a little black and white and too optimistic he does still try to live that kind of life. Hence why despite looking like he caved in he is still so willing to help the Resistance and actually has disobeyed orders from them, he just knew how to make it look like he succeded or failed really well.

3. Brothers, sisters? Who do they like? Why? What do they despise about their siblings?

Catlina: She has two sisters, Maya and Xander, and she loves them both so much with all her heart. She would do anything for them, even willing to cross a few lines. She misses them and hates how she got seperated from them. Cat only despises how their relationship with their mom is a lot better than Cat’s. Cat is glad she was the exception but she still feels envious of it.

Chance: He has no siblings that he is aware of. He has no idea who his birth father is or if his mom had any other kids.

Lance: He had three half siblings that he went to school with. He did hate how much better off they were while Lance and his mom struggled. He did remain friends with them never telling them he knew about their dads affairs and he being a product of one of them.

4. What type of discipline was your character subjected to at home? Strict? Lenient?

Catlina: She was raised in a semi-strict house. She was able to go out and do just about anything so long as certain criteria was met. Much of that criteria being that she maintained decent grades in school with no missing assignments, though once her depression started it was harder to maintain the missing assignments and deccent grades. Cat was grounded many times for it though she still found ways out of it and did sneak out of the house or snuck people in on occasion.

Chance: Chance’s father could be very absent at times with his work, but was there for Chance when he needed him. There wasn’t much in terms of harsh punishment since Chance’s dad saw mistakes as learning opportunities. When Chance lived with his grandfather there was a little bit more leniency with rules, think more like Iroh was with Zuko. There were a few strict groundings though when Chance tried to act out and even a few nights spent in the Hope County jail. If I have to classify the kind of parenting style Chance experienced it would fall into Authoritative Parenting. You’re free to do what you want but there are limits.

Lance: His mom worked a lot so he was free to do as he liked but his mom was not opposed to him spending a night or two in the local jail if he got out of line and got caught, where he was promptly grounded at home. Lance was never one to get in trouble other than your typical small town shenannigans

[ao3feed-timdrake]

I Lost the Memories but I Found You.

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2E5bIDV

by Thousandsmiles

Written for a tumblr prompt/post wherein Jason loses his memory after the pit, winds up at W.E. and gives Bruce a heart attack when he sees him in the copier room.

Words: 14085, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types, Batman (Comics), Batman and Robin (Comics)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Categories: Gen

Characters: Jason Todd, Tim Drake, Dick Grayson, Bruce Wayne, Alfred Pennyworth

Relationships: Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson & Jason Todd, Tim Drake & Jason Todd, Tim Drake & Dick Grayson, Tim Drake & Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson & Bruce Wayne

Additional Tags: Batfamily (DCU), Angst, Fluff and Angst, Some Humor, batfam, batclan, tw:death, tw:depression, tw:mentions of suicidal thoughts, this was supposed to be crack treated seriously but still secretly crack, Look How That Turned Out, help i threw in too much angst, I messed with the timeline a little so Bruce hasn't adopted Tim yet, Jason needs hugs, and help, We all know Bruce needs help, It's an open secret, Alfred is the best as always, adoptive families, Found Family, Father-Son Relationship, Brotherhood, If you find typos then I'm sorry, Google docs doesn't know what those are, Possible OOC moments, I'm Sorry, Based on a Tumblr Post, Tumblr Prompt, it's also not exactly like the post, this took forever and i took me a while to figure out how to end it, so if it seems rambly, that's why

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2E5bIDV

[demondeanismybaby]

I Heard a Shout

Pairing: Dean x Reader, Sam, Cas

Word Count: 2,691

Summary: This is for @letsgetoutalive​ allieschallege, The reader is struggling with Bipolar I depression and psychosis and the boys + Cas help her out.

Warnings: TW:mentions of being suicidal, TW:Self Harm, TW: negative self-talk, this is a story about someone struggling with mental illness and some of its negative symptoms please be aware when you read.

A/n: I personally struggle with some of these issues so I hope that I did it justice. There are aspects of being suicidal and self harming in this story as those are symptoms that can go along with many different mental illnesses. I hope that if you are struggling with any mental health issue you know that there are people who want to help even if it doesn’t seem like it.

You groaned inwardly, your foot had landed directly on one of the sandwiches Dean kept making you, but you kept leaving on the floor barely eaten. Rubbing bits of dried bread and cheese onto the carpet, you made your way to the bathroom. It was silent in the bunker, you know Sam had told you something earlier about heading out somewhere but you had barely heard him. The last few weeks had been blurry to you.

At first you told the boys you were sick and couldn’t go on a couple of hunts but soon you had stopped coming up with excuses. After that you stopped answering their calls to get help with research. Finally you had retreated to your room; that was three days ago. The only time you left was to go to the bathroom, you couldn’t remember the last time you showered or ate anything. It just didn’t matter to you. Sam and Dean had believed you were sick at first but then Sam had started to question you.

“Hey y/n? How have you been doing lately?” He glanced at you nervously, like he didn’t want to spook you.

“I’m fine Sam it’s just the flu or something,” you knew he didn’t mean psychically but you weren’t sure how to talk to someone about how you were feeling.

“You know you can tell me about it, no judgement. I just want you to know I am here for you.” Sam put his hand on your shoulder but you just shrugged him off and went to your room.

Then there was Dean, he was more subtle. That’s probably why you had such a huge crush on him, he was like you he didn’t want to have talks about feelings. Instead he worked even harder to get you to laugh by telling you dumb jokes. You knew he really was trying to help when he came to you after you had retreated to your room, “I brought you some food,” you heard him set down the plate on your side table. You didn’t get up or even acknowledge him, you just laid there starting at a spot on the floor.

The other side of your bed dipped as Dean sat down, “why don’t you come watch a movie with us, Cas is here, you could try explaining Donnie Darko to him.” After a few minutes of your silence you felt him get up and heard the snick of your door closing.

Dean kept bringing you food and water, he would try and talk to you and you just laid there. It felt like your whole body was filled with sand, when you tried to move you felt exhausted. For how much your body felt slow your brain was busy, it started with the constant self put downs. You were too weak to be a hunter, to be with someone as good and noble as the Winchester’s. Then how you were too stupid, too crazy, worthless. It made you want to be away from Sam and Dean before they figured out just how horrible you were. Then one day you were sitting in the library of the bunker trying to at least help the boys with the case they were working.

You heard someone say in an echoing tone, “help me,” it sounded like a young women and you looked all around the room but found nothing. You kept hearing the same voice, the same words, but nothing else indicated a typical haunting or supernatural occurrence. That was enough to keep you in bed, but the voice didn’t stop. The last day that you remembered the guys being there you had an episode, you told Sam that you felt something crawling in your ear, you needed Cas to come help you, heal you.

By the time Cas showed up you had calmed down a little and were laying back down. “Y/n, Sam said you needed my assistance,” you rolled over and saw the ever rumpled looking angel peering down at you, his face creased with worry.

“I feel something, something crawling in here,” you tapped on your ear. His fingers rested on your forehead and you waited to be magically healed, but after his hand was gone you could still feel it. “Cas, what’s wrong? Why didn’t it work?”

“I’m not certain, I think I may need assistance from Sam and Dean.” He looked positively crushed and you felt concerned but then you heard the voice and felt the burrowing again and rolled back over clutching your head. Shortly after that Sam had come and told you they were going somewhere but you couldn’t think straight.

Which brought you back to your dirty foot and needing too pee. Glancing in the bathroom mirror you felt disgusted. Your hair was greasy and you had giant black circles around your eyes, because even though all you did was lay in bed you hadn’t been able to sleep. Staring at your reflection something in you started to break, you wanted to cry or to scream but nothing would come out.

The voice called out again, “ help me,” it was louder and it just kept repeating. You couldn’t take it anymore, you opened up the medicine cabinet and pulled out the box of razor blades that Dean kept in the back, he always used the old fashioned kind saying it gave a, smoother shave, right now you were glad he ditched the disposables. After a while you bandaged yourself and feeling defeated padded back to your room.

“Y/n, you awake?” It was Dean he was speaking quietly but of course you were awake.

“What Dean? Did you guys figure out what is going on with me yet?” You felt Dean sit on your bed again.

"I need you to get up and put on some clothes and meet us in the library.” Dean voice was firm but you could tell it was laced with worry.

“I can’t Dean, just have Cas use his mojo in here.” You couldn’t move or do anything.

You felt Dean get up and figured he was going to get Cas, then you heard the drawer of your dresser open, “I am going to help you alright, just put these on,” you rolled over and saw him put a pile of clothes on the side of your bed, he had also grabbed your brush and a hair tie. “OK sit up,” you did as he asked, curious as to why he was doing all this for you. “Now turn around,” your back was facing him and you felt him brush your hair, sort of grossed out since you hadn’t showered, but he didn’t seem to mind as he put your hair into a pony tail. “Take your time, get dressed and come down, alright?” You nodded at Dean and watched him leave and you pulled on the clothes he picked out, smiling for a split second as you pulled on a Winchester worthy flannel button up he had chosen.

When you finally got to the library and saw the boys and Cas sitting around the table all with serious looks drawn on their faces you felt so overwhelmed you almost turned right back around. Sam could sense your hesitation and he got up, “we just want to talk to you, please come sit down.” He steered you to your typical chair, there was a grilled cheese sandwich and a cup of water in front of you.

"Your malnourished y/n and dehydrated, please eat something,” Cas said and looked so earnestly you took mercy and forced down a bite, and then sipped your water while waiting for them to start talking.

They said nothing so you started, “Ok guys so what’s wrong with me? Is it a conworm or maybe some mystical sickness?”

“No,” Cas finally answered, “your illness is not of the supernatural variety.” “Then why didn’t it work when you tried to heal me?” You couldn’t understand. Cas could fix almost anything.

Sam spoke up next, Cas was looking uncomfortable and Dean was looking at his hands. “Do you remember when Cas tried to heal my Lucifer hallucinations?”

“Are you saying I lost my soul?” It seemed like a possibility with how empty you felt.

“No y/n , what Sam is trying to say is that the brain is more complicated than a simple physical aliment.” Cas stepped in again, “your distress is caused by mental illness and what you need is a human doctor who can help you with the symptoms, although,” he hesitated, “I think I should heal these,” he pulled up your sleeve reveling the bandages from where you cut open your arms earlier.

Dean was eyeing you now, his expression was unreadable. You pulled your arm away from Cas, “so I’m crazy, too crazy to be fixed by an angel.” You felt destroyed and completely broken. The tears that refused to fall earlier clouded your vision, you started to sob it wracked your entire body and you slumped onto the ground. Dimly you heard Dean tell Cas and Sam to give you a minute. Strong arms wrapped around your body. There was no talking, just your face pressing deeper into Dean’s chest, trying to muffle the sound of your crying. Eventually, your tears started to run out and when you stopped crying you pulled away from the man who held you.

You were so embarrassed, knowing you were just proving that you were weak. Getting to your feet you went to leave, but Dean stopped you. “ Y/n, please just let me say something,” you faced him waiting for him to tell you to leave before your crazy contaminated them all. “I am not the best person to tell you to talk about your feelings, I know I can be closed off,” his eye leaked out a tear and he grabbed your arm, “but this,” he ran his hands over your bandages, “I love you too much to let you struggle by yourself. I am going to help you every step of the way, I will sit with you in therapy, help you take your medications.” You couldn’t believe what he was saying, that this man who had always been so against chick flick moments was willing to do all of this to help you. Then he continued, “because you are strong and funny and so smart and I know that dealing with whatever this is doesn’t define you.” He pulled you into a hug and you let him, let him do his best to give you comfort.

It was not magic though, you rubbed your ear absently, it still felt crappy. “I think I am going to go lay down, OK?” Removing yourself from him you walked out of the library.

Pausing briefly you looked back, Dean was sitting with his head cradled in his palms. Thinking about what to do next was beyond you. Opening your door prepared to fling yourself in bed and then your breath caught in your throat. Sam was sitting on your bed holding onto a crumpled photo, and he had been crying. You thought about leaving but you were too tired to try and find another space in the bunker, “Sam? I was going to lay down.”

His hair fell into his face as he looked up at you, it made him seem so much younger. “Will you let me lay with you for a while?” You nodded at his question and he moved over to one side to give you room next to him. Once you were in bed again your brain started to race, you wondered what you were going to do next. It would be hard to go talk to some stranger about all of this, and there was a horrible part of you that felt like they wouldn’t be able to help anyway. Sam was rubbing your arm gently, then you heard the voice again. You tensed your arm, wanting to cover your ears but you knew it wouldn’t help.

“What do you hear?” Sam didn’t treat you like a nut job, in fact, you knew he had been in this exact same situation.

“It’s just a voice, saying ‘help me’, sometimes it is just once but other times it just repeats.” You felt better just having someone listen without judgement, “other times I get this feeling like something is crawling in my ear,” Sam nodded waiting for you to continue. “ The thing is, what if they lock me up Sam? I don’t want to go to the hospital.” You were so scared that they would put you in some white padded room while you screamed into a corner.

Sam held your hand, “we actually did some research, not everyone that has hallucinations has to stay in the hospital. Also there are plenty of places that aren’t so bad in the short term to get you more intensive help, the thing is y/n, this,” he pointed to your arm, “ is dangerous and you need professional help to make sure you stay safe.”

So you agreed, you drove to the nearest impatient hospital, even though you were scared to get out of the car you did it because you weren’t alone. The boys and your angel sat with you while you told the admitting staff the truth. Everything poured out of you, the depression, the voices, the strange feelings and lastly the reason why you had hurt yourself and the fact that you were suicidal. At the mentions of how you wanted to die to escape the numbness and the constant onslaught of things that weren’t there you felt Dean squeeze your hand.

They admitted you, after talking to a therapist and telling them your history. They determined that you also had periods mania. It was all of this that added up to bipolar I. They put you on medications in the hospital and even though your hallucinations didn’t go away and you still felt depressed they told you to give it time.

1 year later

You got up from bed and grabbed a glass of water to take your pills. You had been feeling a little down but knew you could talk about that in therapy tomorrow.

“Hey babe,” Dean came over to you and kissed your forehead, “what do you want for breakfast?”

Getting a diagnosis and being at the hospital turned out to be the easy part. The other stuff trying to force yourself to be open and to be strong when you felt so weak at times was much harder, but you did it, because you realized that you had people who really cared. 

There had been days in the last year that were so hard you didn’t think you could make it through, times when you were on the wrong medications and the voice was worse. Other times when you felt the crippling depression creep up on you out of nowhere. Still day by day you fought, not giving up or giving in. You reached out when you were struggling, told Sam when you felt the crawling or heard a voice and he would talk to you about random facts to distract you. If you felt like you were too depressed to get out of bed you would tell Cas and he would sit with you and tell you about all of the things about humanity which amazed him, including your strength. Then there was Dean in general.

Dean hadn’t lied he had come to some appointments with you. He helped to remind you to take your medication of bad days. Other times he would remind you of safe coping skills. Always there, never with hesitation, you felt like you were moving forward. Things were better now more under control. Your therapist told you that your symptoms wouldn’t go away but with medication and therapy and being open with your support system that things would get easier, and it was. 

“How about pancakes and bacon?” You held Dean’s hand and smiled up at him. Taking a moment to enjoy the simple parts of life that made it bearable.

[ao3feed-brucewayne]

I Lost the Memories but I Found You.

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2E5bIDV

by Thousandsmiles

Written for a tumblr prompt/post wherein Jason loses his memory after the pit, winds up at W.E. and gives Bruce a heart attack when he sees him in the copier room.

Words: 14085, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Batman - All Media Types, Batman (Comics), Batman and Robin (Comics)

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Categories: Gen

Characters: Jason Todd, Tim Drake, Dick Grayson, Bruce Wayne, Alfred Pennyworth

Relationships: Jason Todd & Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson & Jason Todd, Tim Drake & Jason Todd, Tim Drake & Dick Grayson, Tim Drake & Bruce Wayne, Dick Grayson & Bruce Wayne

Additional Tags: Batfamily (DCU), Angst, Fluff and Angst, Some Humor, batfam, batclan, tw:death, tw:depression, tw:mentions of suicidal thoughts, this was supposed to be crack treated seriously but still secretly crack, Look How That Turned Out, help i threw in too much angst, I messed with the timeline a little so Bruce hasn't adopted Tim yet, Jason needs hugs, and help, We all know Bruce needs help, It's an open secret, Alfred is the best as always, adoptive families, Found Family, Father-Son Relationship, Brotherhood, If you find typos then I'm sorry, Google docs doesn't know what those are, Possible OOC moments, I'm Sorry, Based on a Tumblr Post, Tumblr Prompt, it's also not exactly like the post, this took forever and i took me a while to figure out how to end it, so if it seems rambly, that's why

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2E5bIDV