#tw: self-punishment.

[mad-hunts]

you know... now that i think about it? winslow not approving of what barton is doing currently and telling his surrogate son that, if/when he decides to come over to visit him, to not talk about it with him is something that i think has contributed to him feeling this desire to punish himself — though i'm not saying that winslow is a bad person for wanting barton to do and BE better, OFC, which is exactly the motivation behind this. i was just thinking about the complexity of their relationship today because to say that its totally different from the relationship barton had with his abusive bio father, wesley, wouldn't even be enough.

i mean, it's like WAYYY on the other side of the spectrum... and so i think that barton found the father figure he always really wanted in winslow. which definitely isn't a bad thing, but to him, it's like a double-edged sword. and i say that while presenting it to y'all like this. so, imagine growing up with a father that was cruel, instead of nurturing and the only way to get his approval seemed to be to participate in some pretty... well, horrible stuff, to put it bluntly of your 'own free will.'

(and i put that in quotations because of course barton was forced to join his bio father on those 'hunting trips' he went on + was manipulated into doing things he didn't want to every step of the way on them by wesley. because he ruled by fear, and barton feared that if he even took one little step out of line, that he'd get verbally berated / yelled at or quite possibly emotionally abused in some other terrible way). but then this father is shot and you happen to stumble upon another person who took you in + would eventually become a father figure to you as well. and all of the things that you learned from the father you had previously are still set in deep in you, even though this father (winslow) seems to want the best for you, so you're kind of confused when he doesn't reward bad behavior.

even though you know that it's not 'normal,' and that's where the self-punishment part comes in. because barton had already lost one father, though the nature of that relationship was absolutely horrendous, he feels an even bigger need to get winslow's approval. but the things in which he learned from wesley, which were all the wrong thing's (things like you rule by fear, and it's okay to hurt people, because they were born 'imperfect') still apply to him now so he's not getting it.

and this results in this perpetual cycle of barton being resentful that he's not able to obtain it from him, but also have this underlying feeling of dread inside of him because he doesn't know if he can change to get it? it's... yeah, upsetting, because although winslow is trying to push barton like this with good intentions; he kind of takes it in a similar way that he used to when he 'failed' wesley. or barton feels like he's broken for not being able to fulfill this image that winslow envisions of him, in other words. and that's also a reason why i think why he so scarcely talks to his own surrogate father figure now too

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

but also like. guys you don’t need to leave the minecraft youtube community bc one person is bad to clarify. like. shelby is a minecraft youtuber. a lot of her friends are minecraft youtubers. those friends are supportive and as far as we know all believe her. the vast majority of minecraft youtubers are like. fine. this shit is something that Happens because Abusers are Manipulative, going to another hobby will Not shield you from anything and you’re not immoral for liking something bad people also liked. which is. one of the biggest video games ever. like in this situation no one was knowingly harbouring an abuser and it seems everyone was supportive. this is just a case of some people being shit, not anything to do with mcyt. hell, the guy hasn’t been on minecraft in like a year lmao.

i fully understand why the content might be uncomfortable to you guys now but like, please don’t self flagellate and cut yourself off from an entire genre of media because of one guy again. i saw that happen after the dream stuff and a lot of people ended up losing important things because they made rash decisions and felt like they Had to leave. but please. take one deep fucking breath. this has happened before. this has happened so much before, and in ways far worse than this. because abusers, unfortunately, exist. you should not feel guilty for being manipulated by a manipulative abuser, don’t blame yourself. do what you have to, but please, please keep in mind that the majority of minecraft youtube is fine. it is fine to continue engaging with it. it’s fine to be manipulated by an abuser and it’s not your fault. please don’t make rash decisions and end up losing things you care deeply about and being unable to get them back. distance yourself all you want, but please be careful to not do so out of emotional self harm from the guilt. that’s something this fandom encourages far too much- even outside of this- and it’s unhealthy and anyone expecting it of you is cruel.

[genderless-crimes]

I'm gonna be sick

[qtubbo]

I feel so inherently bad for Ramon on the fact that him beating and killing Tubbo in just this pent up rage and just emotional stress, is wanted. Tubbo wants Ramon to hit him, he wants it to hurt, he wants to die, he is convinced he deserves it that this is a good punishment (he told Sunny directly that). Ramon wants to get Tubbo to stop, but he’s just being used to fuel this self-destructive attitude, one that he’s tried to get Tubbo to stop multiple times.

[good-beanswrites]

If it's okay with you, could you write a drabble about the hypothetical aftermath of Amane getting attacked by Kotoko?

Welp thank you pal for making me absolutely insane with this request 👍 I ran through a few hypotheticals and realized I had to shift some things around since there were so many absolutely tragic outcomes. I worked something out but damn if it didn’t make me emotional to think about how uniquely rough Amane has it. Even making sure she's in a good place at the end, this got pretty serious, so warnings for child abuse and cult references. 

(So in canon, Kotoko goes in order and attacks Fuuta, but Kazui steps in. Then she attacks Mahiru while he’s distracted with his injuries. She’s about to attack Amane, but Mikoto gets in the way (my hc that he did it on purpose survives!). By the time they reach a draw, Kazui is back, and the two of them can prevent Kotoko from any further action against Amane. Sticking to this apparent system of three attacks and one rescue, I’m just shuffling around the injuries for this story. Fuuta’s attack went unnoticed, and he’s in the same state as canon Mahiru. Mikoto steps in before Kotoko can fight Mahiru, so Mappi’s the one who get out physically unscathed. While Mikoto checks on Mahiru, recovers himself, or discovers Fuuta, Kotoko is able to attack Amane next. Kazui comes to help, but not before she leaves Amane looking like canon Fuuta.)

Mahiru could practically feel her heart shatter into a million pieces when Amane finally cried in front of her. She hadn’t shed a single tear yesterday – it was the shock, Shidou said. Mahiru was skeptical. After all, she had been shocked, too, and cried plenty.

Amane woke as she came in with breakfast. She took a moment to survey herself, bandages peeking out from beneath her pajamas and an eyepatch securely over her right eye. As calmly as one might say “good morning,” she started to cry. Mahiru might have missed it, if Amane hadn’t wiped at her good eye with her sleeve.

“Oh, sweetheart…!” Mahiru rushed over to her. “It’s okay, I’m here.” She wanted nothing more than to wrap the girl in a secure embrace, but she remembered the mass of bandages that were around her chest. Shidou had mentioned broken ribs and bruises. It took everything in her not to cry along with Amane, at the thought.

“I can get you another ice pack, if you need. Or more medicine.” Her mind spun with ways to help with pain. Many of the first aid supplies had been used to keep Fuuta from the brink of death, but surely there were extras to spare for Amane. 

The girl just shook her head. 

She muttered, “I can’t… I…I’m going to be punished, I’m going to be punished…”

“No! You’re safe now.” Mahiru placed her hands gently on Amane’s arms. “Kotoko’s not coming back. We’re all watching over you. You’re safe. She’s not going to hurt you anymore.” 

“That’s not…” Amane pulled away. Her voice stayed level, despite hiccups interrupting her. A hand reached up to her eyepatch. “It’s this. It’s all of this. It’s sinful. I took it off last night, but he must have…” She started unwrapping it. “They’re going to punish me...” 

With a careful motion, Mahiru held it in place and took Amane’s hands into her own. She’d been picking up on the signs ever since they arrived here together, and a final wave of understanding washed over her. 

“I can’t let you do that.”

Amane’s expression twisted, though words came out far more frantic than fiery. “Let me go.” 

Mahiru didn’t. “I’m sorry. Amane, you need this treatment.”

“That is not your decision to make. That is not any human’s decision to make.”

Mahiru pressed her lips together. “I know. But I can’t watch as you… I can’t sit by again while someone…” She was careful not to apply any pressure, but she could no longer fight the urge to gather Amane up in her arms. “You don’t need to be afraid of those people, anymore.”

“I’m not afraid.” Amane hiccuped. “They love me, and I love them. I need to be good for them.”

“I love you, and I don’t want to see you in pain.”

“You just pity me because I’m young.”

“Why does your age matter? You are a lovely young woman – you are my friend – and I can’t bear to see you in pain.”

The two sat in silence for a moment. Mahiru doubted she would take that as an answer; Amane had refused to call any of the others her friend. At least she didn’t argue. In fact, it seemed she was leaning into the embrace a bit more. She sighed a shaky breath into Mahiru’s uniform.

“Listen, Amane. Can you do me a favor? I’m trying to be a good girl, too. To make up for something awful, I need to make sure you’re alright. Can you help me? Can we be good together?”

A long pause followed. Amane’s voice spoke up, ever so gently.

“I suppose I can consider it.” She added quickly, “for the sake of your redemption. Of course.”

“Of course.”

[carolineishere]

turn me on. turn me down.

[painsandconfusion]

Breathless

Merry Whump of May - Day 1

[“Get back in there” | Ring box | Cliff] (tw: claustrophobia, panic attack, phobia, death threat, failed escape attempt, punishment, self inflicted injury (panic), splinters under nails, manhandling)

[Merry Whump of May Masterpost] [Phobia Whumper Masterpost]

Whumpee’s eyes were burning and blurring over as they gripped at Whumper’s fingers. “N-noonononno please no-”

“Shut up already and get back in there-” Whumper shoved them further into the crate. It had started off as a large shipping crate and now felt like an apple crate, bruising in at their shoulders and knees and ankles as they tried to twist and curl to stash themself tighter into the space. As it closed in on them. Sucked their breath and whisked it away to an unknown darkness that pervaded their mind and dripped cold through their white-hot flesh.

��PLEASE- Pelas e I w-won’t d o it again pl-ease-pplease-!”

Whumper shoved the lid on the box, latching it into place. “Try to pick that lock, you little pest.”

The air in the quickly-heating space stuck at their lungs and slammed in and out of their throat in choppy, uneven bursts. They gasped and shoved and clawed, only distantly aware of the bruises pressing at their bones and the shards of wood wriggling up under their nails. The panic was too thick. Too stifling. 

Forget the apple crate. This felt like a bread box now. A ring box, even. Impossibly small and crushing their bones under its infinitely shrinking horror. 

Pleas and screams kept exploding from them, sucking what little air they had into worthless desperation. “PL-EASE PL LEASE WH HUMPER PLLLEASE- LE T ME OUT O-OPEN TH- SSSTOP-STOP STOP-PLEASE-”

The boards over and around them creaked slightly as Whumper settled their weight onto the crate. Whumpee froze, dreading for a moment the thought of Whumper’s weight cracking through the box and crushing them only to realize that would mean the box was broken and they would be better able to wriggle out or at least get some fresh air inside. They pushed against the spot. 

Whumper mused as they sat there, “I could do anything right now, you know… Couldddddd…..toss you in a lake. Off a cliff. Bury you in the garden..”

Whumpee’s sobs started fresh, thrashing gaining new strength. Their heart twisted and stabbed. They couldn’t breathe- “Nn--onp plp-lease-ep-pleas-”

“We don’t have to do that, though, do we? Because you’re not gonna pick any more locks.”

“Y-ees-y– nn-n-omore-!” Just desperately agreeing to anything that had even the vaguest promise of getting out. Nothing else held their attention as darkness grew and their head weighed more on their aching shoulders.

“Good. I’ll leave you in here tonight to let you really think that over before we try again.”

tagging isn't sparking joy today, i am so sorry-

[crumpet-doodles]

[piko-chan]

FUCK OFF FUCK OFF

ART IS LITERALLY THE ONLY THING I'M GOOD AT AJD NOW I CAN'T EVEN DRAW

FUCK MY FIBGERS I HOPE I FUCKING DIE THIS HURTS SO MUCH

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK

[cuteniaarts]

Mirror, mirror, on the wall...

Who's the fairest of them all?

[detentiontrack]

OH so that’s like self harm actually!!!! Anxiety what are you doing to her???

[villains-and-kittens]

thinking about subtle ways a whumpee might hurt themselves without it being obvious that they’re doing it on purpose

cw/tw: self harm, conditioned whumpee(?)

constantly scratching themselves, leaving red marks and spots, maybe even breaking or peeling their skin

using scalding hot water when showering/bathing/washing dishes (this is especially painful if they have any open wounds)

the opposite- using freezing cold water and soaking in it for hours at a time

picking at their cuticles/old cuts/dead skin until they start bleeding

purposely reopening a stitched-up wound

hitting themselves repeatedly, either with their own fists or using something blunt- maybe they claim they’re just very clumsy, but fresh bruises are a bit harder to spot than fresh cuts

refusing or only pretending to take any medication, whether it be for pain, a sickness, or something else

eating food that’s too hot, spoiled, or something they’re allergic to

not bothering/refusing to change their bandages or disinfect a wound, possibly leading to it getting infected

putting up a fight whenever caretaker tries to help them, resulting in them hurting themselves in their struggles

that’s all i can really think of right now, but this is just physical stuff. i also love it when whumpees are self-destructive in their relationships, work, etc., but i’m just thinking about physical self harm atm. but anyway that’s all i got, please add more if you can:))

[loaflovesdoodling]

HSHSHSHDNSJFJSSBSHDHSJXSB I JUST HAD MY BRACES TIGHTENED YESTERDAY AAUAGSHHSHSS THE PAIN OW OW OWIE OUCH I JUST WANNA BITE SOMETHING AAAAAABAHXBDBDHDHD

[alilaro]

imagine if my trauma made me funny and cool and not become a self-sabotaging maniac with imposter syndrome

[thatgenderfluidmonstrosity]

Whumpee taking it upon themselves to administer punishment

Caretaker had been looking after Whumpee for a while, and they had been very obedient.

What they didn’t know, was that Whumpee just thought Caretaker was another master. Another person in charge. They acted the same with their old Whumper. They needed to be perfect for them.

Caretaker needed to leave for a couple hours, letting Whumpee stay home

This took some of the pressure off Whumpee, so they relaxed a bit

Bad idea

They tried to get themselves water, but in the process they broke the cup

No one was around to punish them

So what would they do?

Well, it was time to put some punishments into place.

And they couldn’t believe the horror on Caretakers face when they saw the poor Whumpee bleeding on the floor

Why isn’t master happy? Why aren’t they satisfied?

[darcyolsson]

another thing about tmi that kind of caught me off guard me while rereading is not only that jace genuinely is severely mentally ill but also that it's portrayed SO casually. everyone's just like "oh jace doesnt eat for days whenever he feels bad and he intentionally hurts himself all the time and he doesn't sleep and he has trauma flashbacks and a compulsive need for order and cleanliness and he has very violent intrusive thoughts and he tries to kill himself every 3 weeks or so hes soooooo edgy 🙄 anyway moving on"