#tw: miscarrying

[rom-e-o]

Going back to Connie's lost babies, is it okay if I hc that, during the moment right after Starry's birth where Connie is unresponsive for a bit, that Mama literally had one of those moments where she was in limbo between death and life and got to meet the children she never knew before she woke up?

Oh my goooosh, first of all, yes, hc accepted. And could you imagine?

I won’t lie, I’ve thought about Orin and Connie’s kids and what they’d be like. Let’s say there are three, and all three only made it to the first trimester.

It’s as if her body remember the last time sometime like this happened. She’s in shock, and despondent, and obviously in a dangerous limbo period. While she’s out, she awakens in this odd, sunlight space. Its a dream. It looks like upstate New York, with wheat fields everywhere and a red barn in the distance. The sky is pink and dappled with clouds.

Then, she sees she’s sitting on a blanket … and sees children before her. A sweet, black-haired girl with fog-colored eyes and freckles. She wears her hair in pigtails, just like Connie always did. She’s so pretty. And then, she sees another girl with a gap-tooth grin, and a final little boy. The little boy is a redhead infant.

Two children and old baby. The timeline adds up.

I’ve kind of rolled around names for them, and I’m feeling Apollonia (oldest) and Stella (second), and the boy … Arthur. Orin would have named him after himself, if they’d gotten that far, but after seeing the hair? No.

Connie doesn’t even need to ask who they are. They’re three perfect children. Three children anyone sane would love to have, to hold, to protect, and call their own. They’re the manifestations of all her ‘what-if’ daydreams. Children she would think herself unworthy of raising, after all her mistakes. They should be alive, she thinks. They never even had a chance to grow, but she knew. She didn’t realize it, but she had dreams.

They’re the ghosts of her past.

The girls rush to hug her (with the baby). It coos, and she melts.

“Don’t cry. It wasn’t your fault.”

But it was, she argues. She should have known! She should have done more. She should have done something.

“Even if you had, that man wouldn’t have let it happen.” Not ‘Papa’. That man.

They tell her, “You’ll be a good Mama. But you … have to wake up to do that.”

They give her permission to let go of the guilt.

When air rushes back to her lungs, she lets out a sob slash cry of relief as she wakes up. It was a dream, but it felt so real. She can’t even speak, and it in agony, but it’s almost a relief to feel anything after the creeping numbness of death. She realizes that, no matter what, she must live. She MUST live for Starla to see her thrive.

I feel they may come to her more than once. She’s not as tuned into these things as Bess, but … they’re special. I feel like she does something to honor them, and shares the information with Bess and Adonis. “Please don’t think I’m crazy. I’m begging you. Please. But…”

And she tells them what happened.

[dabideserveslove]

I haven't been on in a fucking while, life's been crazy yo.

If it makes up for it at all I'm almost done writing a moderately (read: extremely) angsty & smutty ShigaDabi oneshot featuring trans Dabi that may or may not fall into the Light at the End of the Night universe (I haven't decided yet, we'll see what happens lmao) as well as most of the next chapter for the main fic.

I really appreciate everyone who has been so patient with my sporadic updates and I'm gonna go through my asks and answer some of them today, too.

[grapehyasynth]

.

[workinprogress14]

tw: fertility

This is something really personal, and I’ve chosen to keep this very private with people that know me in real life, but I need a safe place to share this.

I had a miscarriage three weeks ago.

The pregnancy wasn’t planned, but the loss has been so hard to cope with. Some days I hold it together okay. Some days I’m a weeping, falling apart mess. Also my libido has been so incredibly low since the miscarriage and I honestly just don’t feel like myself sexually right now.

I have a ton of DMs I haven’t responded to cause I just haven’t had the strength, so if I haven’t responded, I’m sorry. I’m not ignoring you. I don’t know when I’ll be back to normal, but that’s what’s been going on in my life.

[pidgwin]

I went through my basket of baby things for the first time since packing it after my miscarriage 15 months ago. I could only bear to part with a few things, a couple of baby grows and a few books. Only a few small things, and yet they mean so much. I will keep the rest for whenever I am lucky enough to get pregnant again. Oh, my heart

[serene-sun]

I'm so sorry for your loss, I can't imagine what your going through. What did you do with the fetus?

When we got home, it was around sunset so we buried her in my family cemetary in the woods. I own a little over 200 acres of forest so there's around one acre dedicated to my family (me, my husband and my two children). We planted an elm tree inside of her so she can continue to grow, we will do the same with ourselves.

I hope I will never have to bury another child again, the pain is indescribable and the silence is sickening.

[lalunanymph]

guys i have tea there's this absolute rude bumfuck of a fella at work and if you don't see me updating for a while, it's probably because i caught a case (homicide)

[cutiepieautistic]

god,I'm really nervous now because even though i highly doubt I'm pregnant from just a little bit of precum if there was any,(i don't think so ,but there may have been a little. it's hard to tell the difference between that and the lube, lol.)the neighbor's dog harley jumped on my abdomen and hurt it,and i realllly want to be protective of myself until i can take a pregnancy test in two weeks, just to be safe.

[patience-and-prayers]

No one deserves to lose their child.

A very close friend of mine had recently lost their newborn due to negligent midwives and inexperienced doctors at Rogue Birth Center in Grants Pass, Oregon. Although this isn’t my usual content, she asks that I share her daughters memory and spread the truth of what the Rogue Birth Center did. Hopefully no more mothers will have to suffer due to neglectful midwives.

[residents-of-the-darkforest]

Her Eyes (Short Story)

Miscarriage TW! -Umbranoxs

——-

Rain crashed against the roof of the medicine den, Swirltail laying on a moss nest covered in rips that she had caused from her anxiety. She came into the den a couple hours ago, not feeling well, and next thing she knew? Kits. Cottoncatcher told her she needed to stay there for the night. She kneaded her claws into the moss again, listening to the roar of distant thunder as she faded in and out of being awake, struggling to really pay attention to anything around her. Was it supposed to be like this?

Next thing she knew, she awoke to mewling and Cottoncatcher, who’s expression made her heart drop. He glanced downwards, and exhaled softly; Speaking the words she prayed she never had to hear.“I’m sorry.. I tried all I could, but.. Only one made it.”

She glanced down, feeling her throat tighten and her body tremor with tears that struggled to fall. Two bodies were still, one squirming and mewling as they snuggled next to her- Their pelt as dark as the stormy sky above. “..May I.. At least name them before they’re buried?” She meowed weakly, voice trembling as she struggled not to sob. “Of course.” Cottoncatcher’s smooth, silver pelt blocked out the light, shadowing over her kits- She gently moved the two stillborns into the sunlight, whispering name ideas softly- Occasionally she’d see Cottoncatcher nod in approval of a name, his bronze eyes littered with mixed emotions; Sympathy, pity? She couldn’t tell nor could she care.

Eventually, the two kits- she settled on the names Dustkit and Joykit for them, -were taken out of the den for burial, and finally she felt herself break. Quiet yet echoing around the den, her sobs filled her ears as she cradled her little survivor in her paws. She forced a small smile at the similarities between them and her friends and family, debating names. So many ideas swirled in her mind- She considered Coalkit after one of her lost friends, but shook her head as she remembered how foolish they all were as apprentices- And his mother was still alive in the elder’s den, it’d be cruel to her to name a kit that looked like him with such a name. Perhaps Nightkit? Was that too basic?

She debated between names for the rest of the day, and through the night. Nobody ever told her naming a single kit would be this tough!Despite this she sighed contently, looking back at her little kit. They were peacefully sleeping next to her, and she finally decided on a name for them; She’d likely discuss it with her clanmates later, to get their opinion. Even if their father couldn’t help her decide, it takes a clan to raise a kit- At least, that’s what she learnt. As she closed her eyes to rest, something in her head prompted her to look at her kit.

And as she turned, her heart dropped again and she froze as a sudden shock hit her, desperately avoiding the instinct to yelp in fear. Their eyes were open, full of curiosity- At least, as open as they could make them, and they were a bright yellow that gleamed in the darkness of the nursery.

The kit had Lunarpaw’s eyes.

————————–

This wasn’t that fun for me to write but here, Swirltail being tormented by the horrors! (I haven’t decided a name for the kit lol)

=======================================

--CLIFFHANGER CLIFFHANGER CLIFFHANGER CLIFFHANGER

--OHMYGODWHATISSHEGONNANAMEHER 

Something bad? Something good, hoping it will ward off ‘evil?’

What if she gave the kit a normal name around others but bad names when they’re alone?

[llycaons]

SNOW FLOWERRRRR

[savageboar]

anything about cat death just makes traumatic memories resurface for me like those damn "me and my cat before the nukes hit" or whatever memes i can't take it man

[leafiu]

Can’t believe this needs to be said:

DON’T. FUCKING. JOKE . ABOUT. MISCARRIAGES.

[gurorori]

heres a random assortment of dddne 🪦🕊️ from m y head uhh its jus 2 actually. im violently ill

[therevengeoffrankenstein]

actually yes! my mother does NOT deserve happiness.

[devil-in-hiding]

Tw. Miscarriage

Price who had a baby with a hookup, only finds out when he finds the infant on the doorstep with a note

Price who immediately goes on leave, putting the babe in daycare the next day while he tries to figure out how the fuck to be a single parent

Ghost who comes over for the game, finds an exhausted Price and a baby cooing in a bassinet next to him

Ghost who almost cried when the baby giggled and reached for him

Price who doesn't notice the new neighbor in the apartment above him, quiet as a mouse as they were, he just thought it was vacant

You who moved in after your boyfriend of eight years kicked you out when you miscarried

You who heard the baby crying one night, and the soft grumbles of the babies' father didn't sooth the infant

You who shows up at Price's door, knocking twice in firm taps

Price who thought it was a neighbor coming to complain, grumpily opened the door with the baby in his arms

Price who was shocked to see a sweet doe like you at his door, even more surprised when you ignore him and give the baby a teething toy, freshly washed and frozen

Price who's amazed at how quickly the baby stopped crying, even more so when you just up and leave

Price who tells Ghost about it, the baby cradled in the masked man's arms

Ghost who fucks his captain regularly when the baby's at daycare, helping him relieve stress

You who works from home occasionally and accidentally listens in, finishes your meeting muted

You who masturbates the moment the meeting is over, to the pace of the grunts and moans beneath you

~🦚

This one may become a reoccurrence, I like this

you amaze me

i love you-

you feed me so well