#tw: mention of pet death

[nani-nonny]

I’m struggling to find some momentary peace right now so I wrote down what I’m thinking like a diary of sorts

This is more for me so I apologize if I upset anyone. Maybe someone else will find comfort in this like I have, I don’t know. I just need this off my chest for now.

I never liked to imagine the death of my loved ones. I never liked to imagine the death of my dogs, knowing they would pass sooner than me. But sometimes I’m reminded of their short lifespans and I imagined what I would do to make their final day the best they deserved for the right send-off.

I’d imagine giving them all the snacks a dog wasn’t supposed to have. Burgers. Grapes. Chocolate. Anything their little hearts desired but I couldn’t give because they still had so much to live for.

I’d imagine their last walk in a stroller, their last time to the beach. Bring them in a blanket and pillows so they were comfortable.

I’d imagine the pupcup they would eat and how wide their eyes would get while eating it.

I’d imagine saying my goodbye with a final kiss on the snout.

But I never imagined that I would get a phone call in the final moments of my chemistry lab. I’d never imagine checking my phone and seeing the text that I should find the time to excuse myself from the room and call back. I’d never imagine the call I got from my sibling, their voice muffled and overpowered by uncontrolled sniffles and sobs that they were going to put my nine year old dog to rest because she developed a cancer in her spleen that reached her heart. I’d never imagined that the last time I would be seeing my dog was when she was strapped to a gurney and her left leg taped as she could barely control her breathing.

I didn’t get the chance to say the goodbye I imagined. I didn’t get to give her the pup cup or the burger. The chocolate or the grapes. I didn’t get to walk her in a stroller and visit the beach. I didn’t get to lake my final memory of her a good one.

My memory of her is scorned by the gurney. My memory is scorned by the feeling of dread when I called my sibling back. My memory is scorned by the cold that developed my fingertips, the shaking of my hands as I packed my bag and cleaned my lab station. My memory is scorned by the tears I shed in the car ride to the vet emergency care. My memory is scorned by the final photo I have of her when we couldn’t explain why her legs weren’t moving earlier that day.

And I’m angry. I’m furious. I’m enraged.

I didn’t get to say my proper goodbye. I didn’t get to see my baby grow to her elder years. I didn’t get to see her grow old with my other dog, her older sister. I didn’t get to do anything I hated to imagine. And I didn’t get to spend her final day with her because we didn’t know it would be her last.

My entire being feels so numb and yet I feel so much swirling within me that it all doesn’t feel real.

It all feels so unreal to me that I keep thinking I’ll turn around and see her laying in her bed waiting for everyone to start turning in for the night like routine. I lay in my bed, hear my mother go to the bathroom to brush her teeth, and I expected a wet nose nudge my toe so I would scoot over and let her lay down next to me.

And nothing hurt more than the realization that she won’t be coming.

She never came.

And she never will again.

I miss my dog. My best friend. My puppy.

I wish I could restart the day so I could spend it with her instead of leaving for class. I wish we could have discovered that cancer before it reached her heart, before it left her spleen. I wish she would come into my room right now and nudge me so I would scoot over. And I wish my other family dog, her older sister, never has to realize her little sister is gone. Because I’d hate to see that happy face disappear. It’s what’s keeping me sane. It’s what’s keeping me from utterly falling apart because I know she needs me too.

I need my dogs. I need my best friends. I need my family back.

What I don’t need is to look through old photos so I can find the perfect one to frame with her collar. What I don’t need is the realization that one of my paw tattoos has suddenly become a memorial on my skin. What I don’t need is this empty feeling in my being. And I definitely don’t need the constant reminder ringing in my head that she is gone and will never come back.

I love you, my little bear. I love you, my sweet girl. I love you, my little bundle of Freedom.

[aidaita]

Oreo’s urgent Vet Bill

Hi everyone, this is the proper post I promised a few days ago and I apologize for the delay, the last 2-3 days was stressful but I’m emotionally stable to type everything down.

I’ve made an update post on my Ko-fi a few days ago if you haven’t seen it.

To start off, Oreo is my male cat son I’ve take care of for the past 9 years since that fateful day I encountered him 8 years ago. At the time, I was in a dark place mentally as I was heavily depressed from losing a dear friend and in an effort to cheer up, I went outside for a walk with a close friend to the canal two streets down from where I live, and that was where I saw a pair of eyes staring at me. A month old kitten I named Oreo and from that day, Oreo has brightened my world and I’ve taken him in as my precious fur baby ever since. My family unfortunately lost our other cat, Blueberry, last year to cancer for the medicine and treatments weren’t enough to ease her suffering from the cancer, so when Oreo’s second blockage on the evening of February 28, 2025 occurred, I was absolutely terrified.

That night, I skipped dinner, I stayed up half the night watching over Oreo and had a fitful sleep of a few hours, waking up in between the few hours to the noises Oreo was making from the blockage. And so on March 1, I went directly to an animal hospital I normally go to for his check ups, exams, previous surgery he had, but unfortunately they had to turn me away for being fully booked, so I was forced to go to another vet clinic that accepts emergency visits and that’s where I ended up in VCA Knowles Snapper Creek pet hospital and the very expensive vet bill.

The initial estimate is the one I originally posted on my other post which I’ll upload here for 48 hours observation.

I was also given an estimation for 24 hr observation but in both estimations, it was super expensive and I work at a $13 part time retail work shift and I could not afford it whatsoever. The last surgeries were paid for by my mom but this time she could not pay for this, and she has other health-related financial payments to recuperate financially and that was when I begun to get very stressed and panic. It was made worse and broke me into an emotional panic when my mother suggested that we may have to put him to sleep as we cannot keep paying $3k every time he gets a blockage.

My heart sank, I was not ready to let Oreo go yet. I became so distraught.

What can I do to save Oreo?

I’ve been frantically looking online what to do, looking into pet insurance, frequently asking for payments plans, asking what they can do to reduce the prices, etc. all while I’m on a time limit as I had a work shift in the next 2-3 hours and with this emergency situation, I absolutely needed every hour I can get. It was the most horrible position to be in the middle of.

Oreo could not qualify for pet insurance because it does not cover for pre-existing conditions/treatments (this is his second blockage), the pet hospital (both the first I went to and the second) do not have payment plans, every new estimations they gave me in an effort to help me and Oreo came with high risks such as one that is the bare minimum (just unblocking Oreo) but there’s a big possibility he could be blocked later that day or the next day.

Secondly, Oreo has already been on a treatment plan with his strict diet of prescription Urinary Care food with Science Hill’s ever since his first blockage sometime last year (or 2? I’m not sure, I don’t have the papers from the first one as my mom took him to the vet that time). And the doctors told me that it seems despite the strict diet he has been in, he still got the blockage from built-up sediments. On top of that, in the last vet visit on January 25, 2025 with the first pet hospital, Oreo has IVDD, or at least the beginning of it that the doctors told at the time said “it’s not a big deal right now,” so it will be a problem to look out for as he’s still young.

My mother’s comment of possibly putting him to sleep loomed over my head over all this…

And that was when I decided I can’t do this alone, I’m not ready to let Oreo go yet, not like this, not so soon. So for the first time, I’ve come to you all on the internet for help.

Due to the time constraints, I have no choice but to open a credit line with CareCredit just for this bill for Oreo but the fact he could get blocked again, issues with IVDD possibly rearing its head more urgently so soon, and with this massive bill to pay with my $13 part time retail shift, I knew that if another emergency or urgent vet visit occurs, I will have no choice but to put him to sleep.

That is why I’ve come to you all for help with the emergency vet bill on March 1, 2025 and… my goodness, within 24 hours, we have reached a little more than 1/3 of the $4000 goal (41% reached as I post this) and I could not be anymore thankful and grateful for all of you kindness and generosity to save my baby in this difficult time.

Yesterday I got to visit Oreo, he’s unblocked and appears to be urinating fine, recovering seems to be going well although he does have UTI so there’s a bit of blood in his urine (doctors reassured me that the UTI and blockage are not linked) so he’s getting treatments for that as well.

Today, Oreo will be discharged later in the afternoon or evening so he’ll be coming home soon.

The bill is still stressful but with all of you kind words, encouragement, generosity, and advice, it doesn’t feel as heavy as before. It is still a lot left to pay off so if you can, please donate to my Ko-Fi here so I can focus solely on strictly ensuring Oreo stays with me much longer such as wet food, running water fountain, new litter box, etc.

All donations received will be used solely for the bill and any additional expenses that may come up in the last few hours as I type.

And to everyone who donated so far, thank you… Truly, thank you. The tears I’ve shed the past 2 days were of stress and huge relief.

I will keep posting updates as they happen.

[lynzishell]

Prev // Next

Transcript below the cut:

[knock knock]

Atlas: It’s open!

Aspen: Tonton! Phoenix: She’s obsessed with that word now, so I’m pretty sure that’s just your name for the foreseeable future. Atlas: Better than ‘Asses’.

Dawn: I’m so happy to see you. Where’s Ash? How is he doing? Atlas: He’s okay. He’s taking a minute upstairs. I was just about to go check on him.

Aspen: Can I play? Spencer: Sure!

Atlas: Ash? Asher: Yeah.

Atlas: Well, this is new. Asher: What is? Atlas: You being the one to sneak away.

Asher: Now I know why you do it so often. It’s peaceful. Atlas: Yeah, it is. Dinner will be ready soon, but we have a few minutes. Can I join you? Asher: Sure.

Asher: We need to get a bigger apartment. Atlas: We do?

Asher: Yeah. I can’t keep using my parents’ house as storage, and it would be nice to be able to have all my stuff in one place. And if we’re serious about this company and this game, then we’ll need room to work. And you know that one day, when I’m ready, I’m gonna want to get another dog.

Atlas: I figured.

Asher: Jasper only lived here because this was his home, and I wasn’t going to downsize him to an apartment. But I will want the next one to live with us, and we can’t have that where we are now. Atlas: [lets out an exaggerated sigh… only half joking] You’re going to let that dog all over the furniture, aren’t you? Asher: You know it. On the sofa, even sleeping in our bed. You’re gonna hate it. Atlas: [breathes a laugh through his nose] Can’t wait.

Atlas: So, is this what you’ve been thinking about the whole time you’ve been up here? A new apartment? Asher: [shrugs] Kinda. It’s the only thing that keeps me from spiraling. Atlas: Spiraling about what?

Asher: [sighs] I just… I feel awful. I should’ve been here. I don’t know if he was in pain or scared. I should’ve been with him, to comfort him. He needed me, and I wasn’t here, and now he’s gone. [voice cracks] And I miss him so much.

Atlas: I know. Come here.

[knock at the door] Megan: Everything okay? Asher: Yeah. Fine. Megan: Dinner’s ready if you want to come down. Asher: We’ll be right there.

Asher: Fuck. [sniffles and wipes his eyes and nose with his sleeve] Okay, we should go. Atlas: Listen, if you want to hold off on the announcement— Asher: No. I don’t want to do that. It would feel like we’re keeping it secret or something. Besides, it will be nice to have something happy to celebrate.

Atlas: Okay. Let’s do it, then.

[eyeballs-in-my-head]

How do you think MK would react to finding out the truth about how Macaque died?

Knowing that he's wielding the exact same weapon? Do you think he'd feel how actually cold it is in his hands from then on? It's always cool, but after knowing, would he feel a different kind of frigid than before?

Or in quiet moments when he's alone he'd sit thinking and his eyes would unconsciously search for any history of that battle? Gold cannot rust, so it'd be easy to spot.

Also, since we're at this topic. Imagine if Wukong initially hasn't cleaned the staff for...well, gods know how long, because he thought "that's the only thing left of him". And, well, he didn't want to get rid of..."him"

On today's episode of: I'm Sad So I Need To Make Everyone Else Sad Too So We Can Suffer Together <3

[beranibear]

Bindi, my sweet potato of nearly 13 years passed away a few weeks ago. She was my assistance dog of 8 years and my world.

So here is my tribute to her always happy attitude. She would get happy and wag her tail even if you just looked at her. I wanted to make sure even if she isn’t here physically, that I’d always be able to see her smiling face.

- Tattoo done at Carrot Tattoo Studio in Melbourne

Took about 4 hours to complete. I’ll cherish it forever.

[so-very-small]

do you ever think about how small a grave for a tiny would be? how quick the grass would grow back over the tiny plot, almost like it was never there at all. how with each visit, it gets harder and harder for the giant to find the exact spot. there’s a grave marker, but it was built by giant hands, so the grave marker is so big, while that tiny specific few inches of earth is so, so small.

[nani-nonny]

My family was gifted a wood-carved ornament of my sweet dog :(((((

She looks so happy :((((

My beautiful sweet girl

My other dog keeps sniffing it :(((((

I love it so much

[hey-imma-fangirl]

Hey uh… I figured I should post about this…

So uhm… I am going to try to take a bit of a break, if I do post it’ll probably just be little doodles or something. It’s not going to be forever, just for a little bit, I will get back to requests when I can. There’s just been a lot things that have happened this past weekend and I’m still processing it.

I first found out that my cat that we’ve had for going on 16 years has leukemia, there is is treatment for it but unfortunately we can’t afford it and with his age— and the fact that he’s going blind and has hip problems— we aren’t able to get it for him, and if we do we fear it might do him more harm than good.

After that I found out that my uncle had passed away very suddenly and we had to find out through another family member because my aunt has too much of a grudge against us to tell us herself. I don’t know what happened between us, but she just doesn’t like talking to us. Not even her father in law (my grandpa who lives with us)

And on top of all that, I was helping my friend with moving things and something landed on my foot. I think it is just bruised but I’m going to the doctor at some point to have it checked for sure.

I’ll be ok, I just wanted to let everyone know in case I if don’t post for a bit 💜🩷

[sweetvinegar]

my cat passed away recently and it breaks my heart every day. I never got the chance to show him here but I want to leave a bit of him behind on this site

ill love you forever my sweet prince :( u had the prettiest eyes and the most loving personality

[battiegutz]

YAYAYAYAY GOT MY LPS BASES !!!!! already started on one, not gonna start on any others until i finish her jus in case i make mistakes lol.. anyway heres th bases, the wip, and the design i drew today that i didnt intend to be an lps custom but oh well lol

[jokerislandgirl32]

Till I See You Again

Rest easy Jessie girl. It took a while but today you finally found your momma after nearly 2 years of searching for her. You’re at peace with your momma, sister, auntie, and cousin. And I know my own baby girl is ecstatic to meet you and care for you until mom, dad, and I can come home to be with you. Give Alexandria an extra big snuggle from me. Until we meet again my girl…

My sweet, sassy Jessie was put to sleep today. She was 17 years old and has lived a wonderful life being the second in command of our cat clan, second only to her mother Jenny who passed in 2023. Jessie was our “mean girl,” she hit and smacked all her siblings anytime she liked and hissed up a storm, but we loved her so much.

She was her mommy’s twin, looking so much like her mother. And she was our deck cat, always chilling on the deck and begging for treats. She had not been able to eat or drink for 4 days, had heart issues, a horrible UTI, was having trouble getting enough oxygen, and likely cancer, so we said our goodbyes and she went to heaven today.

It’s so hard to lose her, her loss has gone harder than when we lost her mother, but she’s at peace, and that’s what matters.

[corpseybun]

Catrick went to the vet again yesterday. He decided the scale was his bed, lol.

Vent below the cut.

I'd advise clicking away now if you just want to see the cute kitty. Some upsetting topics are covered, and I don't want anyone getting triggered by that.

Shout outs to our beloved cat Catrick for having a luck stat in the negatives. Not only does he still have diabetes but he also has heart failure. Fucking wonderful. Vet said he has 2-3 months to live.

He isn't even old. He's 5. He's a baby. He hasn't even reached double digits yet. I hate life. I hate how unfair everything is. Take me instead, damn it. I could at least get a heart transplant and probably get saved from death. Cats don't have that. There's literally nothing to save him.

He's not even acting sick. He's still trying to do funny cat stuff. It makes it even harder to actually believe he's dying. What do you mean he has heart failure? He's still trying his best to play with our dogs for God's sake. He's still finding ways to be a michevious little thing and climb onto tables. He still keeps trying to steal people's food whenever they eat.

Granted, he's not able to do as many cat things as before. He maybe is able to do one of those activities every 3 or so days. I can tell he's tired. Real pooped. But dying? It doesn't feel like he is at all. It's fucked up. It's all so fucked up.

Do not get me started on the bills. I fucking hate capitalism. I hate corporations. I hate all the rich bastards that could give a shit less about actual real people and their actual real problems.

Eat the rich.

If I ever become rich, kill me. Just fucking end me. Bullet through the brains. Don't let me become part of the horrid system.

The fundraiser is still going. Share it around if you can, I don't care if you donate or not. Just please spread the word if you haven't already. I'm desperate here. Thanks to Nick and Blue for actually sharing it around on here. You guys mean the world to me.

[glacialdeath]

;

[16-puppies]

A Quick Note on Death and Therianthropy

TW: mentions of animal death. Nothing super graphic but I thought I would make it as obvious as I can.

I wish there were more discussion about therianthropic origins that are outside of the spiritual/psychological/physical … like there are so many ways to be a therian or become one that I don’t see discussed at all. I also don’t know if there’s any discussion being had on how pet death may affect therianthropy, which is most of what I want to talk about here.

For example, my scenthound dog theriotype is specifically of emotional origin. I had never heard of anyone describing their experience this way , and I started using this term for myself nearly a year ago because calling my dog type just “psychological” didn’t feel right. I also think there may be a past life connected to this type as well, but I feel less focused on that part

This theriotype specifically came from my childhood dog and her death. She was a boxer beagle mix. Her death is integral to my identity because it happened right around the time I was questioning being a Vizsla dog, and it changed my perception of that theriotype forever. I was no longer a Vizsla but rather a mixed/uncertain breed of scenthound dog, and how I view myself as this theriotype has permanently changed to look more like my childhood dog. Dark masking, occasionally white markings, black claws against tan paws… quite the opposite of the uniform color of the Vizsla, who is a golden rust from nose to claw.

While I still do feel connected to Vizslas, especially the general short haired dog with floppy ears look and their behaviors, they just aren’t quite *me* anymore because of this.

I feel like pet death, or even just death in general is overlooked as a source of therianthropy or certain theriotypes… I think ultimately it comes from a place of deep empathy, which is why I felt “emotional kin” was more accurate to my experience than “psychological kin”. Thinking about this really makes me wonder how many experiences and awakenings aren’t talked about that include death in some way. Are there bovine therians who awakened as such after seeing one die on a farm? Are there deer therians who saw one of their own being hunted and realized then that they were one? Are there therians who found their kintype after being exposed to taxidermy of them? And, are there others like me who witnessed the death of their beloved nonhuman family member and watched their identity shift right before their eyes? What about therians with family and close friends who are therians? When they die, will they feel the sudden pull to “adopt” the theriotypes of their loved ones, so that a part of them is always there? So many questions, and I fear not enough research or discussion to answer them. It’s interesting to think about, at the very least.

[nani-nonny]

Sometimes I wish

that my sweet dog didn’t take away my love for writing single dad trope with her when she passed

I miss writing f!leo but it hurts a lot to think about him

A lot of my inspiration for the f!leo fics not only comes from work but from my pets…

[snoopyracing]

pet loss is so hard. why do animals have to live such short lives compared to ours, but be such a big part of our lives?? having to make the decision to put down your dog that you’ve had since he was a puppy… who quite literally grew up with you is horrible. feeling heartbroken and guilty 😞