#tw warning ppd

[goddess-rachellll]

⚠️ Trigger warning: mom guilt/postpartum depression⚠️

No matter where I am, I hear my children crying. At home, at work, in my sleep. The constant cry for mom followed by the immense guilt when the frustration bubbles up because there is no escape. How crazy does it sound to be so frustrated with the people you love most, the people made from you? The mom guilt, she's a monster. Scarier than those under your bed. She screams in the back of your head "you're a bad mom" "you don't love your kids enough" "you need to do better" "they deserve better" louder and louder until she's loud enough that you believe her. And guiltier you feel because you teach them to love themselves all while hating their mother.

[outoftheseine]

- JOEL MILLER FIC RECS -

(most of these fics are age-gap romance. some fics have mature content (+18) so minors please respect the authors and do not interact). also please beware of the canon trigger warnings (violence, language, guns, death, blood etc.))

part 2 | main masterlist

SERIES - MULTI-CHAPTERS

one thing i am missing • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @joelscruff (fluff, smut)

to do the right thing • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @pedgeitopascal (very angsty, tw: abortion and ppd, childbirth)

if the door wasn't shut • joel miller x platonic!reader

↳ by @heartpascal (very angsty)

joel miller x feral!fem!reader

↳ by @ohraicodoll (angst, lots of blood, sometimes gore, reader has a given nickname, smut)

if he wanted to • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @sl-ut (angsty, tw: mentions of suicide and sa, drug use)

twenty years later • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @yelena-bellova (angst)

weakness • joel miller x fem!reader part two

↳ by @pedgeitopascal (fluff, little angst, smut)

the stable girl • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @guess-my-next-obsession (mature, angst, fluff)

friendly fire • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @the-ginger-hedge-witch (angst, smut)

uneven odds • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @theetherealbloom (angst, fluff, smut, anxiety)

burning in a hopeless dream • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @tightjeansjavi (angst, implied smut)

ONE-SHOTS/BLURBS

from love and life • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @bubbles-for-all-of-us (child birth, fluff)

adjustments • joel miller x fem!teacher!reader

by @softlyspector (fluff, smut, mentions of dead loved ones, tw: mentions of suicide)

kiss it better • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @morningbluebell (mostly fluff)

why can't i breathe? • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @oliviajdjarin (fluff, flustered joel)

no time to die • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @davosmymaster (very angsty, hurt/comfort, chef's kiss, so good)

she's a gun • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @cowgurrrl (fluff)

darlin' • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @charnelhouse (angst, tw: sexual assault and mentions of suicide, smut, hurt/comfort)

alone and foresaken • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @chelseasdagger (smut, very good smut actually)

once again in your arms • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @foli-vora (angst, tw: loss of a child, fluff)

too late • joel miller x reader

↳ by @alloftheimagines (angst, injuries, hurt/comfort)

don't let me drown • joel miller x reader

↳ by @alloftheimagines (angst, hurt/comfort, tw: drowning, some nudity but nothing explicit)

nightmares • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @youlightmeupfinn (tw: panic attacks, nightmare, hurt/comfort)

saving • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @youlightmeupfinn (angst, hurt/comfort, joel being an asshole)

a house in nebraska • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @highdramas (angsty, heavy feeling of nostalgia, mentions of sexual interactions)

spring breeze • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @thedgeoftheuniverse (fluff, hurt/comfort)

for you, anything • joel miller x reader

↳ by @mellowsaturns (fluff, sick!reader, domesticty)

perfectly wrong • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @psychedelic-ink (enemies to lovers, smut)

domesticty looks good on you • joel miller x reader

↳ by @girlscull (sooo fluffy)

ghosts of his past • joel miller x reader

↳ by @lol-im-done (very angsty, made me cry)

soft touches • joel miller x reader

↳ by @theeoriginals (fluff, hurt/comfort)

close call • joel miller x reader

↳ by @rogueonestan (hurt/comfort, angst)

first kill • joel miller x reader

↳ by @alloftheimagines (angst, hurt/comfort)

illusory light • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @lavendertales (angst, injuries, fluff)

playing house • joel miller x reader

↳ by @me-and-your-husband (some angst, smut)

try to love me, honey please • joel miller x reader

↳ by @peterhollandkait (hurt/comfort, angst, sad and soft joel, mentions of blood and death)

confused warmth • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @rise-my-angel (angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, smut)

soft spot • joel miller x gn!reader

↳ by @orangevtae (very fluffy, some hurt/comfort, sunshine x grumpy)

love in the time of cordyceps • joel millet x fem! reader

↳ by @sameheart-sameblood (angst, fluff, mentions of blood)

one bed • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @frannyzooey (good old one bed trope, explicit)

sleeping bag • joel miller x reader

↳ by @quin-ns (very fluffy)

lavender haze • joel miller x pregnant!fem!reader

↳ by @forever-rogue (soo fluffy, made my heart flutter)

intent • joel miller x fem!reader

↳ by @forever-rogue (angst, joel is an asshole, fluff)

[dollgxtz]

I’m not the same anon that asked about reader having PPD. But I read your reply to their question, and I want to ask: what if reader DOES end up snapping and hurting the baby (or perhaps even killing it)? would he hate her? How would he react? I’ve studied this matter a bit and I’ve found out that mothers getting aggressive with children that tie them down to abusive or unhealthy relationships is in fact much more common than we think. Alot of mothers abandon their child when they escape these relationships too. It’s all because they can’t help but think of those traumatic events every time they see their child. So, yeah. What would happen if she does end up hurting the child severely, or even killing them? (either in a state of psychosis or when she snaps, or intentionally)

TW: CHILD DEATH

(Heed the warning!!! Don’t click read more if this triggers you!)

I think Yan!Sylus would be heartbroken, angry, and desperate to rationalize why Reader would do such a thing to their precious baby. But make no mistake, he would never actually let it get to the point where she would manage to kill the baby. He would notice the signs and act accordingly, as he’s a very observant man.

In the event that she did kill baby though, hypothetically, you can imagine this would be one of those times he’d fully release his anger onto Reader. Not physically harming her to the point of killing, but he would be so heartbroken that he wouldn’t be able to keep his cool for once.

After his anger was gone he’d likely rationalize in his head what happened. Probably end up blaming himself, and then just…start the process over (impregnating her again), this time vowing to be more attentive and just separate baby. He still wants a family, and if that means baby can’t be with mom for awhile then so be it. (As fucked as that sounds, it’s very in character for the Yan!Sylus I’m portraying.)

Also, in his mind, he can’t ever let her go now as she’s a danger not only to herself but to others clearly. So he’d take it upon himself to take the burden of caring for Reader, forever. Because despite what she’s done, he can’t stop loving her. His own messed up psyche won’t let him stop caring about her even he wanted to.

Pretty sad and tragic. The only reason I’m even typing this out is because that is definitely not an ending that I would ever make, the murder of children is like a huge no no for me in my own personal writing. Miscarriages, stillborns are fine but murder of children? Breaks my heart too much 💔

[ppd-culture-is]

What are '[XYZ]-culture-is' blogs?

Hello! Thank you for checking out this blog. '[XYZ]-culture-is' or related blogs are where people send asks/submissions of the subject where the community of said subject may share solidarity, relate, or learn more of the subject.

What does this blog cater to?

This blog caters to a disorder, specifically personality disorder, called Paranoid Personality Disorder [PPD]. It is a Cluster A Personality Disorded where each PD in that cluster is characterized by odd or eccentric thinking or behavior. However, allies and PPD-trait havers are welcome. I encourage that allies don't send asks nor submissions since this blog isn't for them.

Tagging system for triggering content?

I will tag any triggers or warnings for content like "tw cyz," "cw xyz," "xyz," "xyz tw," and "xyz cw."

DNI? BYF? BYI? [Do not Interact, Before You Follow, Before You Interact]

This blog does not have a DNI but understand that:

We accept neopronouns, xenopronouns, PNCists

We accept neogenders, xenogenders, and related

We accept M-Specs, M-Spec Veldians/Lesbians/Etc, SAM, and Non-SAM users

We accept those who are under the plural umbrella or questioning, regardless of origin or lack thereof

We accept Alterhumans, ChoiceKin, IRLs

We accept general good faith identities

We accept Self-Diagnosis [even if you don't have plans to get clinically diagnosed]

How do I send an ask?

Click the "ASK ME ANYTHING" button visible on the front blog page. Otherwise, click the message icon with the plus sign and click 'Ask' or 'Submit'. Start every ask or submission with something related to "PPD culture is."

Rules?

Be nice, and be kind. We will block on sight and have no problem doing so. You may vent, but please be mindful that we're just a person, too. We can not, nor will not, give out medical, legal, or general advice that may put someone at risk for anything dangerous.

What else?

You may call us Mx. Paranoia. Our pronouns collectively are She/Her, He/Him, and It/Its. I am a system who is disabled. I am being assessed for PPD with StPD traits and AsPD with NPD traits. I would prefer tonetags, but they're not needed. The banner image is the Sunset PPD flag.

Tagging system [OLD]

》 ppd culture is [submissions and asks]

》 ppd questions [questions related to ppd, not ask nor submissions]

》 ppd reblogs [reblogs related to or about ppd]

》 ppd information

》 ppd other [terms, flags, history, etc]

》 other [non-ppd related]

》 reblogs [non-ppd related]

》 ppd positivity [pwPPD being happy, joyful, or sharing something positive]

》 poll

[ciezi]

⋅˚₊‧ ୨ 🫧 ୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅

OLD INTRO .. new one here (link)

𝜗𝜚ꜝꜝ ﹕About us .ᐟ

Helloo, we are the graveyard sys! We are a mediple did system with 190+ headmates.

we collectively use he/him , you&/your& , and masc terms!

we also have bpd w/ narc traits , ppd , asd , adhd , tourettes , anxiety , and more !

This is a blog where we’ll post random stuff like our interests, sys stuff, etc. <3

small note! system memeber may have different opinions on certain topics. This does include more controversial topics. One headmates opinion doesn’t reflect the whole system.

we also have no dni , however ableism, queermisia, transmisia , racism, xenophobia, sanism , group supremacy , harassment , and similar will be blocked on sight.

Feel free to ask questions!

♥︎ .. side blogs : @ciehoard , @cieplural

✧ Fandoms (we might post about!)：

Kuroshitji , Marble Hornets , Homestuck , FPE , K-pop , J-pop , C-pop , DC (esp. batverse & superverse) , Multiple anime’s (such as JJK, gungrave, etc.) , FNAF , TCOAL , BTD , BTD2 , TPOF , Hannibal , Multiple yaoi mangas/manhwas (such as shutline) , Wuthering Waves

+ more

✧ Tags ：

#tw/cw (insert) - trigger warning

#(character name) - specific characters

#(media name) - specific media

#rambles - random thought

[ifeelalavenderhaze]

*old selfie*

Maybe I wear makeup to cover up my anxiety and Postpartum Depression instead of my scarred skin from my picking.

It took me about 4 months to get help for my PPD. I knew something wasn't right with my brain. I knew I needed help but I was too scared to admit that I did need help. Luckily, I was able to get put on an anti-depressant medication.

I always knew I had anxiety but I didn't really know that's what it was. I just thought I was an anxious person (which is still very much true). My anxiety has gradually gotten worse over the years. Unfortunately it's taken me years to finally admit that I should be on medication for it.

I was embarrassed to talk about my PPD and sometimes I still I am. I don't want people to know that I feel weak. I mean, I have a baby and a family to take care of so I gotta be strong for them. Well, guess what? We can't always be strong and it's ok to admit that. It's ok to get help.

If being a mom has taught me anything, it's that I'm not alone in my struggles.

[la-undercover-latina]

Porn Star Dancing

Summary: All it took was one music video and Ella Sixx’s wine soaked brain to come up with an idea that might actually let Amber Lee-Biersack feel like a woman again instead of just a mom.

TW: Mentions of Post Partum Depression (PPD) and body dysmorphia, and allusion to smut at the VERY end. You have been warned.

A/N: The move Amber and Ella do is called the Fire Spin. Here’s the link if you aren’t familiar with it

https://youtu.be/1-bSXY-wkpQ

Andy had gone on tour reluctantly when Addy was about 6 months old and Amber couldn’t seem to get rid of her baby weight.

She’d been going to the gym with Ella daily as soon as her doctor cleared her post delivery. There was a stipulation that Ella gave her though. She had to tell her if she started to get body dysmorphia thoughts. But while Ella was getting a bikini body, Amber couldn’t seem to lose any of her baby weight. So she couldn’t help but have the thoughts bounce around her head.

One night, her dad offered to take Addison for the night so Amber could have a day off, so naturally Ella came over with movies, candy, popcorn, and wine.

“Have you thought about pole dancing?” Ella asked, the idea coming to her wine brain when they stumbled onto a suggested video of the Girls Girls Girls music video.

“I’m not about to become a stripper,” Amber shoved Ella playfully.

“Not what I meant. They have classes for fitness. Hold on,” Ella grabbed her phone and looked up studios and then grabbed the remote for the tv and pulling up videos of pole fit videos.

“There’s a studio by my place,” Ella reported before she glanced at the reviews.

“And the reviews are pretty good. I’ll do it with you if you want,” Ella told her.

“When’s the next class?” Amber asked, an eyebrow raised.

“Day after tomorrow for an hour, and then every week after that for four weeks for the beginner level class,” Ella smirked.

“You know your mom or uncle Tommy would watch Addy,” Ella reasoned, knowing that was what was holding the new mom up.

“Plus, when the class is finished, you’ll have tricks to show Andy,” Ella smirked.

“I don’t think I should. I don’t want to have to go through labor again yet,” Amber laughed.

“Fair point,” Ella laughed. Amber grabbed her phone and texted her dad.

‘Hey dad. Quick question. Do you think you’d be able to babysit again in a couple days and then every week for four weeks after,’

‘Yeah, what’s up?’ Tommy texted back almost immediately.

‘Ella and I are going to go to a dance class and I need someone to watch Addy’

‘Of course sweetie’

‘Thanks dad, I owe you one. I’ll see if mom can babysit for a couple of those times,’

“So Uncle Tommy is watching my godbaby, so we’re all good. I’ll get us set up,” Ella beamed.

-

Time for the first class came around and Addison whined a little when she was handed to Brittany.

“Okay be good for Poppa and Grandma Brittany,” Amber teased, kissing her daughter’s forehead. Addison then turned to look at her step grandma and calmed down, knowing that she was safe and that her mom wasn’t just abandoning her.

“So Tommy said you were going to a dance class, what kind?”

“Pole,”

“Learning new tricks? Girl, you better show me!” Brittany smiled. Amber was actually the one that introduced her dad and Brittany and she was so glad that she did. Even with the age gap, the two obviously loved each other and understood each other on a deeper level.

“More like trying to lose this damn baby fat,” Amber grimaced.

“You look amazing! What are you talking about?”

“Ella and I have been working out everyday for the last three months since my doctor cleared me, and while she’s getting a bikini body, I’m barely losing any weight,” Amber ranted lightly. Brittany bit her lip and carried Addison to her crib next to the dogs before walking to Amber again.

“Look. I’ve never had a baby myself, but I’ve been around enough pregnant women. You are a badass. You carried that beautiful little girl for nine months and then pushed her out of your vagina. Of course Ella is going to see results faster than you. You’re not being fair to yourself,” Brittany finally took a breath.

“I didn’t think it would take this long to get the weight off,” Amber remarked, biting her bottom lip. It was the surefire sign of an anxious tick.

“Come here,” Brittany led her to the couch where one of the dogs sat on the couch. Amber gave the dog a smile, and gave her scratches under her chin, some of her anxiety dissipating.

“Listen to me. Your body is banging for a woman that gave birth to a big ass baby. Addison was almost 9 pounds and long as fuck when she was born. Considering her mom is 5’10 and dad is 6’4, it’s to be expected. It is going to be a little bit before you lose the weight. But just promise me that you won’t do some crazy diet to try and lose it faster. Because then you’ll rob your husband of the love of his life and that beautiful baby girl of the best mom she could ever ask for,” Brittany told her. Tears sprang to Amber’s eyes and she pulled Brittany in for a tight hug.

“Thanks Brit,” she wiped her eyes and pulled away.

“Are you gonna be okay?” Brittany asked, knowing how much it took for someone to actually vocalize their insecurities.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” Amber smiled.

“And you can always have one of us take Addison if you need a break. Especially with Andy being on tour, I know it can get overwhelming, and you have a huge support system with all of us,”

“You’re the best,” Amber gave her another hug before getting up.

“I gotta get going to make it on time. She should be all good. I packed a spare thing of breast milk in her diaper bag if she needs it,” Amber spoke before standing up, making sure to give the dog scratches and her baby girl a kiss before heading out.

-

Her heart pounded in her chest as she made her way into the studio. The dress code said to dress in comfy workout clothes, but the more skin exposed the better for gripping the pole.

The woman standing at the front of the class was a woman that looked to be in her mid fifties with platinum blonde hair and kind eyes and a smile.

“Pick a pole and we’ll go around with introductions,” she told them before grabbing a clipboard with the class members names written on it.

Naturally, the cousins picked adjacent poles and Ella gave Amber a smile while they waited for the official class to start. All of the women introduced themselves with their first names first. When it got to Amber, her heart thudded, hoping nobody in the class recognized either of them. When the instructor let the women go for the tricks that was showed, Amber and Ella both nailed it on the first try.

“How have you had a baby? You’re doing better than most moms that come in here,” the instructor, DJ, asked as she watched the cousins repeat the trick.

“Girls girls girls huh?” DJ asked, her voice barely above a whisper. The cousins looked at her incredulously.

“I’ve been a fan of your dads since their Sunset days. Tell them DJ from Dottie’s said hi,” she told them before moving onto the next student.

-

For the last 10 minutes, DJ let them do a sort of free dance where the only rule was don’t do something they weren’t trained how to do.

Amber had Ella record while she did a fire spin, tilting her head back and kicking her leg out at the end.

“Hey mama, save that move for next class,” DJ called from another student’s pole.

“Here, can you record me,” Ella asked, bouncing with excitement. She couldn’t wait to see what they’d be able to do in a few months. She’d been watching pole fit videos nonstop since they signed up for the class. That was definitely something she inherited from Nikki. She never did something half ass. Always went in all or nothing.

“Yeah give me your phone,” Amber recorded her younger cousin and for the first time in a while, she felt sexy. For over a year, she’d been in mom mode, not letting the other side of her come out. After Ella did the same trick, they packed up their stuff and headed out.

“You okay? I haven’t seen you like this since you got pregnant?” Ella asked.

“Like what?” Amber asked.

“Like a sexual woman and not just a mom,”

“It’s the first time I’ve felt like this since I found out. It’s not like I could let it out while we’re touring since I didn’t want to tour until after I had her. I’m glad you suggested this,” Amber gave Ella a tight hug.

“Well now you’ve got a time slot a week where you can be Amber again and not just a mom,” Ella playfully punched her arm as they walked towards their cars.

Amber hadn’t even realized that Ella had sent the video to Andy with no caption.

‘You’re in trouble kitten. I have to go on stage hard thinking about you pole dancing,’

‘It’ll be good for you 😜’ Amber teased, knowing that it was going to get a rise out of her husband.

‘Just wait until I get home. Addy’s gonna spend a week by her grandpa because her momma has been naughty and has to be punished,’

Taglist:

@youlightmeupfinn

@hallecarey1

@midsummereve1993

@kata1803

[aashiqeddiediaz]

TW for Boston filmed at the end of the episode

a PSA for suicide prevention, the number for the USA suicide prevention line given. (also the episode starts out with huge suicide warnings, and other blanket warnings for depression, ppd, mental health, among others)

Transcript: Each year, for every 1 person that dies by suicide, 316 others consider taking their own life, but do not go through with it. If you or someone you care about is contemplating suicide, help is available. Call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 or visit suicidepreventionlifeline.org. The lifeline is available 24/7 across the United States, and it is free and confidential. There is hope, there is help, and you are not alone.

[theunstuffedpepper]

TW: postpartum depression

It’s felt like a roller-coaster-y couple kinda days over here. I’ve still been taking Pep on walks around the various local parks on sunny days. B and I bought a puzzle as something to do on rainy days, which we’ve had a few of lately. You can see how much progress we’ve made on it. At this rate the cats are going to hide multiple pieces on us before we get this thing together.

I’ve been thinking a lot about my postpartum experience lately and I just have no idea what’s “normal”, so it’s hard to know if what’s going on with me is normal. Physically, I’m not feeling healed yet. I’m 12.5 weeks out from delivery and I thought I’d be feeling more healed by now. TMI warning... I keep waiting to be able to have sex again and so far, it’s been impossible. Lots of pain and burning still. I actually called my doctor and made an appointment for Friday morning just so she can check me out. I read/hear that some people can get back at it 6 weeks postpartum and I’m twice that, and at this rate it feels like I’ll never be pain-free down there.

*sigh*

I’ve also been thinking a lot about PPD. I think I’ll also ask my doctor about that on Friday. I don’t feel Depressed, but being honest, I have a hard time feeling happy. I look at my life and I look at my beautiful baby and my adoring husband and lovely home and wonderful family and I feel like I have to concentrate on it really hard — too hard — to get myself to feel something deeply. Everything is wonderful, and somehow I don’t feel as happy or fulfilled as I’d imagined. I recognize logically how amazing my life is right now and I just feel like something’s not connecting. Shouldn’t I feel happier? I mean, I’ve always been a naturally upbeat and glass-half-full person. Anyway, I feel like somehow I’m wasting my time off with the baby because of it. I also feel like a burden sometimes to B.. it can’t have been easy to be married to me these past 12 weeks.

To be fair, I also haven’t been as good this past week about treating my body well and making healthy choices. It’s just been hard to make those choices - to eat well and work out and do what I need to do - when I’m struggling mentally. Today I’m making a more concerted effort to take care of myself and though I’m really tired, I think it’s helping. Hopefully after my appointment Friday I’ll have a few answers or at least some clarity about what my next steps are.

[waywardsignns-moved]

NOTHING LIKE THE KNOWLEDGE THAT I’M GETTING MY NEWEST TATTOO NEXT FRIDAY TO REALLY MAKE THE ENTIRE WEEK BETTER. Rant beneath the cut because I have stuff on my mind I gotta get off my chest. PPD, self harm, pregnancy, and baby tw beneath the cut

there are people that told me that postpartum would be a fucking bitch to deal with ... and I believed them ... but there is nothing, I repeat, NOTHING that could have prepared me for this. I could have had every warning flag in the world and it would have paled in comparison to what I feel and have felt. Josephine is my rainbow baby (for those that don’t know the term its the baby you have after a miscarriage), she’s what I consider my miracle baby... because with the knowledge that we both could have fucking died, I think that did an incredibly massive number on my health that I still don’t think I have fully comprehended the impact it had on me. I felt like running away, I hated my baby, I hated my husband, and honestly I absolutely abhorred myself ever second of the day. I wanted to drive off into a ditch somewhere or ram into a tree and just let it all go, and ... it terrified me. Absolutely fucking terrified me to a point where I started getting such vivid mental images of what I wanted to do that there were times that I sent myself into several spirals, and now that I’ve finally gotten the help that I feel is working ... 

the knowledge that not only am I getting this tattoo from the person that I truly wanted to get it from to begin with, but I’m getting it a week from today? I’m in genuine tears. I am actively sobbing right now, because this just ... it feels like a sign that things are going to get better, that things are finally on the downhill swing for me after 8 weeks of nothing but struggle and doubt. 

I just .... I’m so fucking happy right now that I couldn’t possibly put it in words...

[ao3feed-rosekan]

Dawn of fire

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2oCUeuB

by Skyblossom

A prophecy of fire among a twisted clan that puts the leadership of fishstar against starclan, and a long wave of things afterwards that force a destiny onto a kit mistreated by his clan.

Words: 21, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Homestuck, Warriors - Erin Hunter

Rating: Not Rated

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage

Categories: F/F, M/M, Multi

Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam, Gamzee Makara/Tavros Nitram, Ghb/neophyte, Ghb/kurloz, Nepeta Leijon/Equius Zahhak, Kankri Vantas/Cronus Ampora, The Sufferer/The Disciple, Cronus Ampora/Feferi Peixes, Roxy Lalonde/Calliope, More relationships as story progresses, Jade Harley/Jane Crocker, Dirk strider/jake english/john egbert

Additional Tags: tentabulges and nooks, Herm cats, lots of hurt/comfort, Author tortures fav characters, Background Relationships, Implied Non-Con, Child Abuse, way too much angst, Angst, Fluff, Dubious Morals, Cults, Canon Divergence, Immense canon divergence, non-canon relationships, Mental Illness, Autism, Schizophrenia, PPD, Drunk cats, intentional ooc, Drunk ooc, MAJOR CHARACTERS DIE, semi happy ending, Murder, Forbidden Romance, Mating, Rough Sex, bordering non-con, Probably not safe or sane, NSFW, not safe for work, Sadistic author, Barbing, Troll Anatomy Headcanons, Knotting, Redactable barbs, Smutty, heavy smut, Gross?, Non fetishistic mpreg, Oviparious trolls, they’re cats tho, racism?, Slurs, tw for gore, Ghosts and Spirits, Dark Forest Wins AU, Mentions of warrior cats characters, one non-canon clan, Canon Clans, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Female Character, non-con, forced relationships - Freeform, Pedophilia, violent rape, There are gentle sex scenes too, blood castes, Troll cats, alien cats, Xenophilia, Filicide, Kit death, Shit hits the mechanical whirly device, Miscarriages, Minor jadejane, Yandere, possessive character, Incest fantasies, Incest, Forced Incest, Parent/Child Incest, Forced child/parent incest, Forced sibling incest, Forced incestual relationship, Forced Orgasm, Not sane safe or consensual, xeno genitals, Cat Sex, Heavily implied consensual parent-child incest, Twisted love, Manipulation, Vines as ropes, BDSM, Pregnancy from non-con, Rape Pregnancy, Dubious Relationships, Dubious Consent, Breathplay, Disturbing Themes, sepsis, Ableism, Lots of villians - Freeform, Special heat cycles, Heats, Gay Pride, all gay relationships, Forced Breeding, Kittypets, Kittypets (Warriors), Canon PTSD, canon abused character, non canon abuse too, this is going to get dark, Slow Updates, Stillborns, Majorly dark, Trauma, Underage Pregnancy, Underage Mpreg, Everyone Needs A Hug, And some therapy, Everyone is traumatized, Clan battles, Canon typical and atypical violence, Past Relationship(s), current relationships, Age-difference?, Romance, Dating, bliss, It doesn’t last, Parental Issues, Cute bonding, gay kitties, non consensual breathplay, aftersex, Aftercare, threats of non con, unhappy relationships, Fixing Relationships, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Attempted Suicide, Depression, Underage cats get warrior names, stress and anxiety, Medicine cat! tavros, We stan him, Medicine cat/warrior cat

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2oCUeuB

[digiauthorenergize]

This is a stress rant post. There are a myriad of sister updates that I’m sure people don’t care about but it’s fun gossip so I’ll put them under the cut. The sister updates will be followed by and interspersed with a bunch of personal ramblings that I was going to put in the tags but instead I decided to put all the positive stuff in the tags because no one should need to dig through this negative post to find the positive stuff going on. 

Do people trigger warning their rant posts outside of the tags? Is that a thing? I’m going to do it. TWs for my sister and her husband continuing to be garbage and Anxiety and like, old psudo-anorexia habits I had but idk it’s fine. 

So she had her baby! yay! he’s cute and good and healthy and it’s been a few months (like 4?).  We had a bonding moment a few hours before she gave birth, her husband (he’s still a huge ass more on that later) was asleep on the couch and I was sitting with her on her bed watching some absolutely garbage show and she said she was sorry. And it was genuine and soft and the stuff of hurt/comfort fics cause she was like ‘I shouldn’t have yelled at you and I shouldn’t have moved out like that. You were right and I’m sorry.’ and I just rubbed her head a little and said something that essentially meant ‘I’m still working through it, but we’re cool’.  And I thought for real we were good! That like, we were going to start having a normal relationship again and stuff! And then everything got exposed. 

First she had to get over her ppd (which is a very good thing but also allowed all the exposure that’s following all this) with required a lot of help and support from our mom who’s too good for her honestly. Literally our mom is too good for her. It’s so frustrating because on the one hand she needs the help and I get that, she’s always needed the help and all the attention and I get it. I do. but it doesn’t change any of the bs she’s been and continues to put our mom through. Mom’s paying for everything for the baby: diapers, formula (she’s not breast feeding for reasons that are further down and it makes me want to scream), clothing, all of it. She was coming over every day mom was off work for a while. She still comes over a lot, but it’s not just cause she likes the help. My mom is doing everything she can for my sister and called me last nigh saying she feels like a failure as a parent and it’s not fair because mom did a great job with the two of us honestly and just cause my sister can’t make a good decision to save her soul shouldn’t be a reflection on my mom. I’m functional (mom said she thinks I’m smarter than she is and that’s something my ego does not need to hear right now cause lemme tell you what I know I’m being judgy from this pedestal atop of which I sit). I look at all my options and make decisions carefully. I watch my funds like a hawk because I’m a grown ass adult and I don’t want to have to ask my parents for help (I’ve managed not to use any of my severance package from getting laid off in April <<did I ever mention that here? I got laid off in April so I stepped up at my second job so I wouldn’t be without healthcare and stuff. Also also internalizing that ‘I’m the good daughter’ mantra is NOT GOOD STOP IT.>>  and a huge part of that is my fiance being able to handle the utilities so I can focus on my own bills (my part of the rent, groceries, phone/car/etc). Just cause one of us is a hot mess doesn’t mean she did anything wrong as a parent! She did a great job! Or we’d both be messes! But I super digress. 

((Mom and I also had a talk about whether or not she should report the whole situation detailed below this line to CPS, and my opinion was ‘technically you should be talking to a professional about this not your daughter, but yes’ and she said she was going to talk to one of the social workers at work about it so))

My sister’s husband is using opioids. again. He hasn’t done any of the parole stuff he was supposed to do after he got caught with them the first time (re: my other long ass personal posts cause I don’t know how to keep rant shit and fandom shit away from each other) and he had 3 years to do them, so his FEDERAL DRUG POSSESSION CHARGE is going to go on his RECORD. **insert all of the frustrate at the stupidity of it all facepalms here like, i can’t even** Apparently they haven’t paid their rent in months and so they got an eviction notice over the long weekend, they’re like over 10k in credit card debt (and it’s all in her name I’m sure cause she had good credit before she married this dumbass), and APPARENTLY last winter they were so far behind on their electric bill after heating their apartment with the OVEN because their heater was broken (and they couldn’t tell their landlord because they were already behind on their rent) the company made them pay the bill in CASH. like. what the fuck??? We found all this out from his mom (who’s very nice but also very nosy) over the last holiday weekend where my mom took the baby for a few nights so that my sister could go see some fireworks (and you know, have some fun) but ended up keeping him for a week and his mom had had the baby for the week before the holiday. like! what! and apparently she’s been smoking weed again which is why she wasn’t breastfeeding which, good, but also like. Logically I get it: she’s depressed? she smokes weed. We have a family history of addictive tendencies but whatever I get it, it’s her thing and whatever. but also!!! what!!! the hell!!! 

oof. 

And then on top of all that, I’ve been trying to Logic my way through my anxiety like I usually do but it’s just...not working this time. My usual method is to take whatever the feeling I’m feeling is, identify it, acknowledge it, figure out exactly where the root of that feeling in this situation is and deal with that. But half of this is wading through my sisters bs and there are only so many times you can say “you’re feeling this way in part because you feel like you’re morally/intellectually superior to your sister in a way that’s not great (tm) (but the data supports this response and then it’s off on a tangent)” and “through past experiences you’ve chosen not to address your emotional response, instead focusing on finding solutions and therefore are under equipped to deal with all these feelings (tm) and as you continue to try to suppress them so you can put on a retail face and ‘function’, they keep coming out as barely controlled bursts of chaotic energy that you usually channel into writing projects but as the bursts grow more unpredictable you’re anxiety is popping up to remind you of the unhealthy coping mechanisms we developed last time this happened but those don’t actually work the way you thought they did”. And then my anxiety comes in and says “yeah they do” and god if only they did work the way I tricked myself into thinking they did cause I could go back to only drinking my calories and eating a real meal once a day if that (for like family dinner or whatever) and with the way my schedule currently is I could and it would be so easy to just starve my anxiety again for like 10-12lbs but that’s when you start being able to really see my ribs and that’s not great fam and I’m not going to go down that road again we’re riding it out this time damn it. 

I’ve gotten to the point where I’ve made 2 new music playlists. One I use to calm down when my anxiety spikes, it’s got low-fi remixes and different grounding techniques and is super chill. The other is literally ‘ok, so you wanna have this anxiety attack? We’re Gonna Go??’ and it’s all stressful music. I’ve gotten to the point where I can crest and regroup in 12 minutes, and if I time the playlist correctly I can do the whole thing in the shower while I’m getting ready for the day so when I’m done I just have to get dressed and go. Which is also not great but whatever fucking works I guess?

Also big ass unrelated side note: I’ve come to the realization that I’m Ace, but not sex-repulsed, which was a thing I had to tell my fiance and he kinda gets it? But not really? Cause that’s really important to him and his sense of self-worth which is a whole other thing we’ll probably end up in couples therapy for, but we’re both willing to do that so. 

As soon as everything else settles down we’ll get to that. Which is what I’ve been telling myself about my emotions for years. As soon as this settles down I’ll try therapy again. As soon as I have health insurance that will actually make it affordable. As soon as I get settled. As soon as I have time (and then I over book myself). As soon as as soon as as soon as. 

I’m so annoyed with myself. But it’ll be fine.  Sunshine comes after some rain and you need some rain to grow.  

[tppdfw]

Having PPD and also Depression is want in to kill myself but WHAT IF I DIE or THAT PERSON IS GOING TO TRULY TO KILL ME BUT I DON'T CARE BECAUSE I WELCOME DEATH and no in between.

TW: SUICIDE MENTIONSo damn true like I'm suicidal and have ppd so while actively trying to die I am vigilant of never giving anyone a chance to kill me.I think if I kill myself my ppd is fine with it but that's not great and warning that people really shouldn't use me as an example of how to live with ppd cause I barely function haha (sorry for blabbing)

[nowistandbackup]

i had my 6 week postpartum check up and i had to fill out the thing for PPD yesterday and i looked at it and i totally knew what it was for and i totally knew that i could be diagnosed with the symptoms i’ve been having... so i lied and i know that’s awful but honestly i had way worse PPD with my first baby and i’ve dealt with regular depression for so long that i’m just like eh i’m taking a half load of semester on top of being a full time mom so i know i won’t have time to be sad let alone go to therapy i mean i might have  a break down end of summer but meanwhile i have things to do

[ao3feed-gamtav]

Dawn of fire

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2oCUeuB

by Skyblossom

A prophecy of fire among a twisted clan that puts the leadership of fishstar against starclan, and a long wave of things afterwards that force a destiny onto a kit mistreated by his clan.

Words: 200, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Homestuck, Warriors - Erin Hunter

Rating: Not Rated

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage

Categories: F/F, M/M, Multi

Relationships: Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas, Rose Lalonde/Kanaya Maryam, Gamzee Makara/Tavros Nitram, Ghb/neophyte, Ghb/kurloz, Nepeta Leijon/Equius Zahhak, Kankri Vantas/Cronus Ampora, The Sufferer/The Disciple, Cronus Ampora/Feferi Peixes, Roxy Lalonde/Calliope, More relationships as story progresses, Jade Harley/Jane Crocker, Dirk strider/jake english/john egbert

Additional Tags: tentabulges and nooks, Herm cats, lots of hurt/comfort, Author tortures fav characters, Background Relationships, Implied Non-Con, Child Abuse, way too much angst, Angst, Fluff, Dubious Morals, Cults, Canon Divergence, Immense canon divergence, non-canon relationships, Mental Illness, Autism, Schizophrenia, PPD, Drunk cats, intentional ooc, Drunk ooc, MAJOR CHARACTERS DIE, semi happy ending, Murder, Forbidden Romance, Mating, Rough Sex, bordering non-con, Probably not safe or sane, NSFW, not safe for work, Sadistic author, Barbing, Troll Anatomy Headcanons, Knotting, Redactable barbs, Smutty, heavy smut, Gross?, Non fetishistic mpreg, Oviparious trolls, they’re cats tho, racism?, Slurs, tw for gore, Ghosts and Spirits, Dark Forest Wins AU, Mentions of warrior cats characters, one non-canon clan, Canon Clans, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Female Character, non-con, forced relationships - Freeform, Pedophilia, violent rape, There are gentle sex scenes too, blood castes, Troll cats, alien cats, Xenophilia, Filicide, Kit death, Shit hits the mechanical whirly device, Miscarriages, Minor jadejane, Yandere, possessive character, Incest fantasies, Incest, Forced Incest, Parent/Child Incest, Forced child/parent incest, Forced sibling incest, Forced incestual relationship, Forced Orgasm, Not sane safe or consensual, xeno genitals, Cat Sex, Heavily implied consensual parent-child incest, Twisted love, Manipulation, Vines as ropes, BDSM, Pregnancy from non-con, Rape Pregnancy, Dubious Relationships, Dubious Consent, Breathplay, Disturbing Themes, sepsis, Ableism, Lots of villians - Freeform, Special heat cycles, Heats, Gay Pride, all gay relationships, Forced Breeding, Kittypets, Kittypets (Warriors), Canon PTSD, canon abused character, non canon abuse too, this is going to get dark, Slow Updates, Stillborns, Majorly dark, Trauma, Underage Pregnancy, Underage Mpreg, Everyone Needs A Hug, And some therapy, Everyone is traumatized, Clan battles, Canon typical and atypical violence, Past Relationship(s), current relationships, Age-difference?, Romance, Dating, bliss, It doesn’t last, Parental Issues, Cute bonding, gay kitties, non consensual breathplay, aftersex, Aftercare, threats of non con, unhappy relationships, Fixing Relationships, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, Attempted Suicide, Depression, Underage cats get warrior names, stress and anxiety, Medicine cat! tavros, We stan him, Medicine cat/warrior cat

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2oCUeuB