#tw unsympathetic roman

[aidensm8]

Just a short one for now to prepare for a long angst boi coming next

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[lio-the-chaotic-nonbeanie-weenie]

Not Even Death Will Do Us Part

Summary: Thomas explores an old, abandoned house and finds that he isn't alone.

Pairings: BROTHERLY CREATIVITWINS

WARNINGS: IMPLIED DEATH, MENTIONS OF DEATH, FIRE, REMUS BEING REMUS, GHOSTS, UNSYMPATHETIC JANUS

(A/N: Found this buried in my ao3 and I've decided to post it here too since apparently, I never did. Also, fun fact: this fic was inspired by my obsession with Ghost Whisperer and ghost stories in general.)

Taglist: @enigmasalad @part-time-zombie @oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat

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“Why did I agree to this?”

Thomas sighs as he walks down the dark streets in the dead of the night. It’s cold and eerie and silent as he makes his way through an abandoned neighborhood. Rows and rows of old, dilapidated houses surround him. Dead trees dot their old, faded yards that are covered in dead leaves and junk. The wind whispers, making Thomas shiver and wrap his arms around himself. He didn’t plan to come here at first but his friend, Joan, told him that there was a haunted neighborhood that they had explored and wanted Thomas to see. Thomas, bored as hell and wanting to see something new, decided to go. 

But now he’s starting to regret it a little. It’s cold and scary and he swears he thought he heard something from one of the houses. Yet, he walks on. He passes a house with boarded up windows and no door. Sooty footprints lead up the pathway and into the house. Yellow gloves dangle on a dead bush by the door along with a bowler hat and a black cape. Thomas shudders and walks on, swearing that he heard a soft hiss and faintly smelled some gasoline.

He passes the next house and spots a clothesline in the backyard. It has a navy polo and tie with red stains, a bright but dirty blue polo, a torn cat hoodie, and a purple and black patched hoodie with tears in it. Two pairs of shattered glasses sit on the doorstep. The house had shattered windows stained with...well, Thomas couldn’t tell if it was blood or dirt. It was just a dark smudge. He walks on and passes an open, tipped over garbage can. In it was a knife, an empty and shattered jam jar, and a shredded copy of a Sherlock Holmes story. 

“This neighborhood is...something.” Thomas mutters, tearing his gaze away from the trash can.

He walks on and passes a few abandoned houses and stops again in front of another interesting house. Stuffed toys litter the front yard and none of them are intact. They’re all dirty, torn, with their stuffing ripped out and all over the place. Thomas gazes around and he sees another trash can tipped over. This one had many empty coffee cups, shattered sunglasses, a notepad with smudged notes, a broken pen, and many crumpled balls of paper. When he looks up, he notices a garden filled with dead flowers. A clothesline sits in the middle of it. The clothesline holds a faded and torn black leather jacket, a stained pink tie, and a beige cardigan with red stains. Thomas goes to walk on but pauses when he hears cartoony music softly playing from inside the house. Something about leaves and a vine. It sounded sad and mournful. Thomas listens for a moment before walking on, humming the song under his breath. He doesn’t know what a little soldier boy has to do with leaves and a vine but he still liked it.

Thomas continues to walk down the empty streets until he reaches the end of the neighborhood where a deserted cul de sac is. The houses here were much bigger and grander. Amongst the small group of houses is a grand, Victorian mansion that catches Thomas’ attention. 

“What’s this doing in a cul de sac?” he mutters, looking up at the mansion.

The mansion is tall and it almost looks more like a castle with its two tower-like sections. Thomas walks up to it and there’s a faint scent of gasoline here too. He looks around and spots two empty jerry cans on the front lawn by some trash cans. They’ve rusted and are covered in soot. Thomas swallows nervously, walking even closer to the house that seems loom over the rest of the houses. The dead grass crunches under his shoes as he heads up the pathway. He then pauses when he steps on something hard. He looks down and finds a rusted golden locket, picking it up. 

The locket is dirty and its clasp is gone. A green cursive ‘R’ is engraved on the front. When he opens it, Thomas finds a picture of a woman on one side and a boy on the other side. They were both smiling in the photo. Thomas assumes the people in the locket lived in this house. He pockets it and walks up to the door, looking up at the mansion once more. It was just so dark and eerie looking. 

Joan had told him that it mysteriously caught fire years ago. They also said that there are rumors that the surrounding neighbors thought they saw someone leave on the night of the fire but it was too dark to tell. All they saw were a flash of yellow glows. Thomas wonders if those gloves were the same gloves that he saw earlier as he walks up the stairs to the front door. He swallows once more and pushes the door open, the sound of it creaking echoing inside the house. 

“Creepy…” Thomas shudders.

He pulls out a flashlight and continues inside, finding himself walking through what used to be a foyer with rose-patterned wallpaper and a dusty wooden floor. A coat rack stands by the door and the clothes there were nearly burnt. Thomas could only make out a white coat with rusted gold buttons. Looking around, he then learns there used to be plants in here as he finds some empty plant pots with ash and soot in them. As he walks over to look at one of the pots-

SLAM!

The door that Thomas had come through had shut itself, startling him. Thomas’ heart pounds and he looks around for a moment. But there was no one else with him. He walks on, heading towards the living area ahead. As he walks under the threshold, he pauses again and looks down. There was a thick line of salt. Odd. Weren’t these only in tv shows with monster hunters and supernatural like? 

Thomas feels anxious now as he walks into the living area. There’s a big white couch ruined from the fire and torn in place, its cushion springs poking out of the fabric. Wooden planks litter the place and a shattered glass chandelier sits amongst them on the floor, its fake little diamonds scattered everywhere. On the walls are pictures of the same woman and boy from the locket. Alongside those are more pictures of the boy, standing with another boy that is almost identical to him. There are other pictures but most of them were burnt to the point that most of the faces were unrecognizable. 

Then, as Thomas turns away from the photos, he feels the air grow cold around him. He looks around nervously as the floorboards nearby creak and groan. His flashlight starts to flicker. The wind blows cool air once more and stirs some dust and ash around. 

Then,

“A stranger...You’re a stranger...in our home…” 

Thomas freezes, eyes darting around the room. There was no way he heard that voice just now...was there? Maybe he’s just hearing things?

“Not safe...not safe...Have to protect him…Get out!” 

Thomas jumps at the sudden growl and the even colder burst of wind around him. The chandelier’s remaining diamonds tinkle with it and a nearby table slides towards Thomas, just barely missing him as it bumps into a wall. 

“Please...don’t ruin our home…Please…”  

“Why would I do that? Who am I even talking to?” Thomas calls out in reply.

The cool air came rushing by again and Thomas’ flashlight flickered once more. The flashlight flickered off for a few moments then on again. The table by the wall had moved back to where it was. A picture frame that had been on the wall was now at Thomas’ feet. Thomas picks it up and looks at it. It’s a picture of that boy again with his wide smile. 

“So...you’re the boy in this picture?” Thomas replies, part of him now realizing that he might be talking to some dead kid.

“Yes...What about you, stranger? What are you doing here? Are you going to burn our house down too?” 

Thomas shakes his head.

“No, I just came here to explore. A friend told me to check this place out. I can leave if I’m disturbing the place.” he answers.

“Oh...You can stay I guess...Just please promise you won’t destroy our house...It’s the last thing that’s keeping us safe.” 

“Us? Is there someone else?”

“Yes!...Well...I don’t know...Maybe? I can’t tell...I hear him but I can’t find him or see him…”

“Him? Him, who?”

“My brother...I miss him...I want to find him but something is keeping me here in the living room...I can’t get upstairs and...I’d rather not...go into the basement...I never liked it there…” 

“Oh, I see...well, since you’re here...wherever you are, do you want to tell me your name?”

It’s silent for a moment as Thomas returns the photo to the table. 

“ ...My name is Remus…Princeton. ”

Thomas startles and turns around to see a boy that looked about 17 years old, standing in front of him. The boy, Remus, was wearing a black prince costume with a green sash. The costume was torn and bloodied and so was the sash. Cuts and bruises littered the boy’s pale skin. His hair was a mess and he had a few bruise marks on his face. 

“You’re a…” Thomas breathes out.

“A ghost...I know...It’s a... long story...I’ll tell you later. What’s your name, stranger?” Remus replies.

“Thomas.”

“Thomas. Well...nice to meet you, Thomas.”

Thomas watches as the boy circles him for a moment, his red eyes looking back up at him. He looked so real and touchable that you couldn’t mistake him for a ghost. Thomas had thought that ghosts were transparent like the ones on tv. 

“Likewise, I guess. Mind if I have a look around?” he asks. “I’ll try not to touch anything. Maybe I can help you find your brother?”

Remus lit up in surprise.

“Really?! You’d help me?!”

Thomas nods, feeling bad for the ghost. Something he never thought he’d be able to experience outside of the media he’s seen.

“Of course. It sucks that you’re all alone here.” he says honestly.

“How do I know you’re not trying to destroy it or keep me away from my brother?” 

“I literally only have my phone, my wallet, and a flashlight. I don’t think I can destroy much with them. Plus, I’m pretty sure I’d need a whole contract to take this place down, even then I wouldn’t want to do that. I kinda like this house.” 

“...Okay, I believe you...I’m sorry if I’m a bit...protective. Other people that have come by here have tried to destroy it. I had to get rid of them…”

Thomas raises an eyebrow and begins moving towards a door nearby.

“Get rid of them?” he says.

Remus nods, grinning almost too widely.

“Yep! They’re now fertilizer in Mama’s rose garden! Oh...they were so much fun to crush and cut into pieces...They were like fruit!” he giggles.

Thomas cringes and opens the door.

“I did not need to know that. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome!”

Thomas rolls his eyes with a small smile and walks in. Remus follows behind and he looks around. There’s a sad look in his eyes.

“The study...Roman and I had so much fun here… We’d be here for hours and hours even when it was already late at night. We’d share stories and we’d write plays. We’d make things for each other. I miss that so much…I miss him…”

“I’m guessing Roman is your brother?” Thomas says, looking through some books.

Most of the books were destroyed in the fire but some remained intact. Others were damaged here and there. 

“Yeah. After...everything that happened...I woke up in the living room and I was alone. I couldn’t find him so I tried to look for him but I couldn’t get upstairs without getting this burning feeling inside. I tried the kitchen but I couldn’t get in there either. I could go in a few closets, the main bathroom, the laundry room, Mama’s garden, and the basement but I couldn’t go up. Roman had been with me when everything fell apart...He was the last thing I saw before everything went dark. ” Remus sighs.

“That’s horrible. But don’t worry, we’ll find him soon. I think I figured out what’s keeping you down here. There was a line of salt at the front door. Maybe there’s some by the kitchen and at the bottom of the stairs.” Thomas replies.

“Maybe...Can you get rid of it?”

“Yeah, if I can find a broom to sweep it away.”

Thomas then continues to look through the books, finding a few familiar titles. There were old mother goose tales and stories of dragons. There were Grimm Brothers’ fairy tale books and dark stories about witches. There were books of poetry and nursery rhymes. Thomas feels a little nostalgia when he sees the mother goose tales. Then his fingers found a leather bound book that seemed mostly intact. A layer of dust and ash covered the book and the corners were a little burnt but other than that, it was pretty much salvageable. Thomas looks at it curiously and pulls it out, sneezing softly as he brushes the dust away.

“Ooh! Roman and I loved this book! ‘The Story Of The King’ is our favorite. The king is this powerful ruler who had powerful magic that would let him create anything or do anything! So he used it to keep his people safe and to defend them from the dragon witch!” Remus says excitedly.

“Huh. Never heard of that story before but it sounds nice.” Thomas replies, opening the book.

The first page is the title in faded gold letters. At the bottom of the page are the names of the brothers written in messy writing. Thomas hums and flips through the book, admiring its pretty pictures. When he reaches the middle, he finds a few old polaroid photos. The first one was a picture of the twins on their 10th birthday. The next picture of the twins posing at the beach. Some of their friends were in the background. 

Another photo shows the twins now standing outside of their house, wearing tuxedos and smiling for the camera. This photo was labeled ‘prom night’. Thomas also notices that another boy was standing with them. The boy’s face was scribbled out but he could see a familiar bowler hat and...yellow gloves. 

Remus frowns at that photo and sighs, hugging himself. It’s been years since he’s seen...him. He doesn’t like thinking about him or even saying his name. There were too many bad memories. 

“I never should have trusted him.” Remus murmurs quietly.

“Why? What happened?” Thomas asks, looking at the photo.

“He’s a snake. A lying, fucking snake.”

The air grows colder and Thomas shivers. He looks closer at the photo and notices that the twins were wearing matching lockets. He tilts his head and looks at it closer, taking out the locket that he found earlier. It was the locket that Remus was wearing in the photo. 

“Hey, my locket! Roman and I made these for each other on our 15th birthday. Where did you find it?” Remus asks when he notices the locket, peering at it.

“I found it on the pathway to the front door. Do you want it back?” Thomas replies.

“Yeah! Mama made us graves in the local cemetery just outside of the neighborhood. You can leave it there later. If you find Roman’s, take it to the grave too.” 

Thomas nods with a small smile, pocketing the locket again. He then puts the photos and the book away. He walks around the study some more before leaving the room, Remus following behind him. Looking around, Thomas notices an open door nearby. He opens it and finds that it’s some kind of a closet. He looks inside and finds the broom he needs. Closing the closet, he takes the broom with him.

“Where are we going with that?” Remus asks.

“You said you couldn’t get into the kitchen, right? Maybe if I get rid of the salt, you could go in there and see if Roman’s there.” Thomas answers.

“Oh, right! Maybe there’s a dead body in there!”

“I hope not…”

Remus only giggles as Thomas walks on to the kitchen. Thomas gets to work, sweeping the salt line away while Remus stands back and watches curiously. When that’s done, Thomas sets the broom aside and walks in. Remus cautiously steps forward, sighing in relief when he doesn’t feel the burning sensation anymore. With that, he follows Thomas into the kitchen.

When they walk into the kitchen, Remus isn’t surprised at the mess he sees. A vase of dead roses sit on them, some of them just wilted stems. Shattered plates litter the floor along with some knives. Torn curtains flutter in the window where the rays of the evening moon filter through onto dusty, cracked tiles. 

“Oh.” Remus sighs, looking around. “I think it was better when I couldn’t go in here.”

“Did something happen to you here?” Thomas asks, looking at the plates.

“A lot of things did. A lot of things with that fucking snake.”

“Ah. Whoever this snake is, you must really hate him. Or he must really hate you.” 

Remus huffs, kicking some plate shards aside.

“Of course, I fucking hate him. He ruined everything and hurt me and my brother.” he sighs.

“Ouch.”

“Yeah”

Thomas says nothing more and continues looking around the kitchen. There isn’t anything else more but rotten food, a planter with dead flowers in the windowsill that is now filled with ash, and overturned chairs around the table. 

“So, do you think Roman’s here?” Thomas asks a moment later.

Remus shakes his head and sighs.

“No, I can’t feel anything here. He’d be here by now if he heard us.” he says and leaves the kitchen.

Thomas sighs and follows after Remus. He finds him by the stairs, trying to go up only to hiss in pain and back away. Frowning, Thomas goes over to him with the broom.

“Here.” he says and sweeps the salt away into a nearby trash can in the hall.

With the salt line gone, Remus dashes upstairs and Thomas follows with the broom. The upstairs mostly seemed intact and barely burnt. Pictures hang on the walls and some are of the twins and their woman. Some pictures show other faces and a few pictures have a certain face scratched out. Thomas doesn’t question it, already guessing who it is and why it’s scratched. Thomas continues to look at the photo when-

“Welcome to wonderland…we’ve got it all…” 

“Remus? Was that you?” Thomas asks.

Remus shakes his head, listening as well.

“Potions and pastries that make you grow tall…”

Remus lights up when he realizes who the voice belongs to.

“Forests and cottages…castles and cards that can talk… ”

“Roman! I hear him! He’s much louder now! He’s in our bedroom!”

Remus runs over to the door and stops when he sees another line of salt with a footprint in it. It’s odd, he thinks, as every person who had visited the home before has never made it upstairs before Remus either scared them away or killed them. He decides not to question it and backs away. Thomas then comes over and sweeps the salt away, disposing it to the side. He then opens the door to the twins’ room. Remus rushes past him and Thomas shivers. It was much colder here.

The twins room had two beds, black and red and both messy. A shattered picture frame lays on the floor by the black bed. Across the room is a white vanity with a shattered mirror. The contents on the vanity seemed to have been violently shoved aside as they now laid on the floor. A locket sits amongst them and Thomas picks it up. It’s identical to the other one he had except for the ‘R’ on this one being red instead. He pockets it and looks around for any signs of Roman.

“RoRo? Are you there?” Remus calls, looking around.

A breeze blows by and the large windows by the vanity swing open. 

“How do I know it’s you and not that awful snake?” comes a soft voice.

“What do you mean? Why would I be that snake?” Remus replies, stepping towards the doors.

“Because you’re here to trap me again. You want to keep me away from my brother…”

“But I am your brother. I’m right here.”

It’s silent for a moment then the window blows again and the curtains flutter. Thomas shivers as the cool breeze brushes by. He looked back to the window and there stood another boy.

“Roman! ”

Roman looked almost like Remus save for the red eyes. Remus had green eyes. Roman was also wearing a prince costume but it was white and red and covered in soot. His fists were burnt and bruised. His skin was tan and dirty. Then his eyes widened as he saw Remus.

The two run towards each other and soon fall into a hug on the floor, laughing as tears of joy roll down their cheeks. Thomas only watches fondly and suddenly this house wasn’t as scary as it used to be. 

“I thought you left me, Remus.” Roman says after a moment of hugging.

Remus shakes his head.

“I would never leave you, Roro. You’re my big brother and I love you.” he says, smiling up at him.

“Gross, when did you get sappy?”

“Is it illegal to miss my dramatic, gay brother?”

“You’re gay too, dumbass.”

The two brothers share a soft chuckle then Remus sighs.

“Roman, you were right. About Janus. I never should have trusted him.” he says, looking at his hands. “We lost everything because of me.”

“Oh, Remus, no. You are not at fault. You were young and you didn’t. That snake tricked all of us, even when he held his right hand in truth. He was the one who lied to us. He was the one who set our home on fire. He was the one who separated us. He was the one who trapped us here.” Roman says, wiping some dirt away from Remus’ cheeks.

“But that fight we had that night…”

“Was entirely my fault, Re. I shouldn’t have said those things. I shouldn’t have believed Janus. You might be weird and messy but you’re still my baby brother. Nothing, not even death, can come between us.” 

“Promise?”

“I promise.” 

The two brothers share another hug before Roman notices Thomas standing there. He pulls back, looking over to him.

“So, I see you made a friend and didn’t murder him for once.” the older Princeton says, smiling.

Remus nods happily.

“This is Thomas! He helped me find you. He’ll take our lockets to our graves.”  he explains.

“Uh...hi?” Thomas says with an awkward wave.

“Hello, I’m Roman. I guess Remus told you that already. Thank you for helping him find me. For helping us come back to each other. You��ve probably heard the story by now but our home caught on fire on the night before our 18th birthday. We had been arguing because I got angry about Remus inviting Janus. ” Roman explains.

Remus sighs.

“We were going to have a costume party the next day and were trying on our costumes before that happened. Then we fought and I watched Roman walk away to his room. I stayed in the living room and fell asleep there. Later that night, I woke up to the smell of smoke. I opened my eyes and there was smoke everywhere. I looked up and Roman was coming down the stairs and running to me. I heard a scream, and everything went black.” he continues.

“I saw my own brother die that night. The chandelier fell on him and before I could try and rescue him, he was dead. Then the smoke filled my lungs and things went black for me too. When I woke up, I found myself upstairs in the hallway. And I was all alone. I knew it was Janus. I saw his eyes through the smoke. Bright yellow and cold. I knew what had happened. Janus set our home on fire and watched us die.”

“He never liked Roman and no matter how hard I tried, he wouldn’t get along with him. I felt so conflicted. I used to love him then. But when I saw him that night and what he’d done to us, that love was gone.”

“And I thought I was never going to see my brother again. I thought I had heard his voice one day, but it was an illusion. A trick to trap me in my own room.” 

“But you’re not trapped anymore, Roman. You’re free. We’re free. We’ll never see that snake again.” 

Roman nods, holding his brother’s hand. He looks up to see a bright light filling the room and he smiles, feeling relief after all these years. Thomas, oddly enough, sees it too. 

“I guess that means it’s time for you to go. I’m glad to help you get back together again. I hope you both rest peacefully now.” he replies, looking towards the light.

The twins nod, turning to the light.

“I guess it’s time. We can finally be with Mama.” Roman smiles.

“Mama…she died after us. I heard she couldn't take the heartbreak.” Remus breathes, chuckling softly. “She’s probably still pissed about the house.”

“True, but I’m sure she’ll be happy to see us anyways."

The two step towards the light but Roman pauses.

“Hey, Thomas. Can you do me a favor? Can you take care of this house? It’s all we have left, and I don’t want to lose it. You can stay here if you’d like, even redecorate it but please don’t let it be destroyed.” he pleads.

Well, that was new. Thomas hadn’t planned to own a house that someone died in or once used to be haunted. Then again, he couldn’t say no after hearing the story of the twins. They really did love this home and it was beautiful. So, Thomas smiles and nods.

“I’ll keep the house safe. I promise.”

Roman smiles at that.

“Thank you. Come on, Remus. Let’s go see Mama.”

“Goodbye, Thomas. Thanks for everything.”

Thomas smiles and watches as the twins walk into the light, vanishing away. The light then follows and it’s dark in the room again. But now, it wasn’t as cold as it used to be. With a small smile and a warm feeling in his chest, Thomas leaves the bedroom and heads downstairs. It’s late and he’s feeling exhausted. He goes home and dreams of two princes, ruling a beautiful kingdom and keeping their people safe.

Then...the next morning…

Thomas visits the neighborhood’s cemetery, leaving two lockets behind on a pair of tombstones. 

In Loving Memory of The Princeton Twins

[rottedcreatures]

"It was too dangerous out there to walk so, I had to save you."

Source vent.

[golden-songbird]

since i love sanders sides and whump, here are the sides as whumpees, caretakers, or whumpers depending on which role i think they suit best!!

tw for mentions of catatonia, emotional abuse, physical torture, and extreme people pleasing.

roman: whumpee. roman is a golden child at heart, so he would do whatever it takes to please the whumper right away. he wouldn’t act weak or be a pushover, but he would try to be who he thinks the whumper wants him to be by going above and beyond on tasks and always doing things with a smile. but it wears on him, and as the torture gets worse, and roman realizes that his desire to please isn’t changing anything, he grows extremely distressed and his mind breaks into catatonia. he’s barely able to break out of it when he’s rescued, and he regularly falls into his appeasing habits, stuck in that desperate need to please people in order to avoid injury or pain.

patton: whumper. yep. i said it. it’s controversial but it’s just how i think it would work. patton would be the most terrifying whumper because he acts like the worlds sweetest little thing. nobody would even suspect that he tortures people and traumatizes them to the point of no return. his abuse would mostly be emotional, taking advantage of peoples phobias, convincing them that they’re worthless, or that they only deserve love and human decency when they’re perfect, obedient little pets. but i could also see him getting physical, and then hugging his whumpee and saying stuff like “i wish i didn’t have to do it, but you just make me”.

logan: whumpee. logan is a rules guy. as a whumpee, he would observe what gets him in trouble and what doesn’t, and mentally create rules for himself in order to stay safe. he doesn’t care about his wants or needs. just following the rules and staying alive. he’s not much of a reacter unless he’s getting extremely tortured, and whumpers make a game out of trying to get a reaction out of him. so logan learns the rule to react early to avoid further torture. when he’s rescued, he keeps his rules, just in case he needs them again.

janus: caretaker. ferociously protective over whumpees, more on the side of caring for whumpees than getting back at whumpers, but he has a very strong sense of justice. he’s the kind of caretaker who’s stern with most people, but is super gentle with whumpee, trying to play a sort of good cop role as he coaxes whumpee to eat more or get some sleep. he’s typically a secretive guy, but whumpees bring out the honesty in him as he tries to make himself seem more approachable and less scary to whumpees. he’s just a great guy.

virgil: caretaker. his approach is different from janus’ in the sense that he is absolutely a revenge person. if someone hurts his friends, then they’re in for it. virgil is also a bit more tough love than janus, and he’s not afraid of being the bad guy if something has to get done and nothing anybody else is doing for whumpee is working. his harshness can lead to bad things, but oftentimes, it’s necessary to really break whumpee out of bad habits. virgil also tends to lose sleep trying to care for whumpee and forget about taking care of himself, which is very bad. but he works on it.

remus: whumpee. he is the classic defiant whumpee, but it’s in a different way. he doesn’t act angry or “tough guy”, but he does pretend to be unbothered by torture. he puts on a front that he doesn’t care about anything, including his own well-being, and he’s really good at keeping it up, but inside, he’s terrified of his weaknesses being discovered and exploited. he doesn’t trust anybody after he’s rescued, ever really. the trauma sticks with him, and even after he’s rescued, he feels like he’s still there forever, always needing to pretend that he doesn’t care about anything at all.

[theoihalioistuff]

What do you think of Ovid?

Great poet, love a lot of his works. I really don't understand why this little corner of tumblr is so weird about him. TW rape

On one hand people think he was apparently some reviling bard who thoroughly despised the gods and purposely twisted the "orginal" myths to mock them, make them seem evil and behave unethically by modern standards (something no greek god would ever do). I've also seen people claim that his versions shouldn't be acknowledged at all because he was a roman author and not greek. While I do think it's important people bear in mind the different cultural context, place and historical moment when it comes to his writings, discrediting all of them because of his nationality seems absurd. It's very hard to distinguish between what is Ovidian invention and what isn't (he had access to countless works now lost to us that he drew upon), and though he most likely did come up with plenty versions of his own, so did literally every author who contributed to the corpus of mythological texts. Though I certainly wouldn't slap the label "greek myth" to every Ovidian narrative, I also wouldn't stricly discredit all of them (also context should be applied when reading every autor, e.g. Euripides' unsympathetic portrayal of spartan characters like Menelaos, Helen or Hermione in the context of the Peloponnesian War).

On the other hand (though not as frequently) I've seen some Ovid defenders hail him as some sort of amazing feminist icon because he's sometimes sympathetic to SA victims and "gives women voice" in his Heroides. He was a roman man in the 1st C. BC to AD. Appart from the fact that the term feminist wouldn't even apply to anyone in antiquity (proto-feminist at best), his "tips on how to get women" in the Ars Amatoria should cue people in as to how much of a "feminist" he was (the text that follows is really upsetting and disgusting so I've left it below the cut):

"And tears help: tears will move a stone: let her see your damp cheeks if you can. If tears (they don’t always come at the right time) fail you, touch your eyes with a wet hand. What wise man doesn’t mingle tears with kisses?

Though she might not give, take what isn’t given. Perhaps she’ll struggle, and then say ‘you’re wicked’: struggling she still wants herself to be conquered. Only take care her lips aren’t bruised by snatching, and that she can’t complain that you were harsh.

Who takes a kiss, and doesn’t take the rest, deserves to lose all that were granted too. How much short of your wish are you after that kiss? Ah me, that was boorishness stopped you, not modesty.

Though you call it force, it’s force that pleases girls: what delights is often to have given what they wanted, against their will. She who is taken in love’s sudden onslaught is pleased, and finds wickedness is a tribute.

And she who might have been forced, and escapes unscathed, will be saddened, though her face pretends delight. Phoebe was taken by force: force was offered her sister: and both, when raped, were pleased with those who raped them." - Ars Amatoria 1, Ovid.

[yourchemicallyimbalancedromance]

Comfort At It’s Finest

Prompt: Virgil has a special blanket that sits carefully folded in the closet and only comes out after really bad days, when he needs it the most. It’s the blanket for huddling up and hiding under the bed, it’s the blanket for taking an almost-involuntary nap after the third panic attack of the day, it’s the blanket for pretending the world is less than sixty-four cubic feet in its entirety and has borders of fabric. It’s the blanket for retreating from a dumpster fire to cry himself to sleep.

It’s a blanket he got from Thomas, before he was accepted.

(Credit to @sleepyvirgilprompts for this idea which you can find here<3)

Ship: none? Unless you count this as platonic Thomxiety but I’m not sure, I don’t really see it that way.

CW/TW: panic attacks, swearing, unsympathetic Roman, unsympathetic Janus, sympathetic Logan.

Summary: Virgil locks himself in his room after the sides start fighting again, something about how almost all of them were holding Thomas back? He didn’t know, he didn’t care, he just wanted to feel okay again.

(Halloween has brought up some…odd and negative feelings, to put it lightly, so this is my way of dealing with that<3)

———————————————————————

Virgil couldn’t take it anymore; The shouting, the insults. He slumped against his door and covered his ears, breathing as if he had just run a marathon, trying desperately to remember the breathing techniques Logan had taught him. What was it? In for four out for…five? Fuck. He couldn’t remember, nothing he was thinking made sense, nothing in general, made sense. Everything was so loud and he couldn’t stop trembling no matter how hard he tried. He held his legs down with his palms and they seemed to stop shaking until he let go, all the built up energy making his attack worse than before. It was no use.

This was the third time they’d fought this week.

It was Thursday.

His hands didn’t muffle all the sound, however; he heard every single thing the others were saying in the commons; it was as if a megaphone had been held up to his door.

“well maybe if you weren’t such an asshole I would have t-“ Roman was cut off by..Janus?

“I’m the asshole?! I’m not the one who’s so deeply insecure that they have to project their shit onto others” he screamed.

The house fell deadly silent apart from Virgil’s heavy breathing. He could hear his heart in his ears. He wanted to go home, he was home, but this didn’t feel like what you would call a home.

“Fuck you, Janus. There’s a reason Thomas didn’t accept you for years.” Roman finally said, from the sound of it, through gritted teeth.

He heard someone stomp a few feet near his room, open a door, and slam it. Virgil froze, the sudden noise sending shock waves through his body.

he wanted everything to stop; the loudness, the insults, the fights, the slamming of doors, the stomping, the yelling, the anxiety, he wanted to be held and told he was safe, he wanted to go home, he wanted-

His tearful eyes drifted over to his closet to see a weighted blanket neatly folded and shoved into the back where no one but him could find it.

His blanket.

He pushed himself up off of the ground, a hand against the wall so he wouldn’t fall due to tremors in his legs. He reached up and grabbed it, letting it fall onto him, nearly causing him to fall to the floor.

The blanket was soft; light, but heavy enough to weigh on you a little. It was checkered black and white with little ghosts on every other patch. He eased up just the smallest bit at the sight of it. Thomas had given him this after the ‘My NEGATIVE Thinking’ video.

He quickly fell on to his bed, holding the blanket to his chest. it smelled of cinnamon and honey. Virgil had forgotten how in the worst of moments, if he pulled out his blanket, it would immediately default to any scent of his choice; subconsciously, he had chosen cinnamon. It reminded him of better times, happier times. How he and Patton had baked cinnamon rolls a few months after he was accepted, the smell of sugary sweetness wafting through the air.

The slight hint of honey reminded him of his first panic attack in front of the light sides, how he had curled into himself on the couch, silent tears escaping his eyes, face hot and red, unable to breathe, to speak, to move. Logan had helped him through it.

“Breathe in for four seconds,” he had said, inhaling, crouched down in front of him. “Hold it for seven seconds” he paused and waited for Virgil to follow his lead, and once he did he continued, “out for eight seconds.” He exhaled.

Virgil was so embarrassed that Logan had seen him like that that he proceeded to apologize profusely. “God, that was— I’m so, so sorry, I don’t know what that was, well I do, I think? It’s never been that bad I just—“

“That was what is known as a severe panic attack, Virgil. I take it you’ve never had one to that extent before?” His eyes were kind, caring, behind his glasses.

Virgil just shook his head, he didn’t know what to say, he felt that if he tried to talk the only words he would be able to say would be “I’m sorry” over and over again.

“I see. Say, do you like honey? Maybe lemon?” He had asked

Virgil nodded, and before he could stop him, Logan had begun making Honey and Lemon tea. Something about how “it’s very calming and quite good as well” he had said.

Virgil hadn’t noticed his eyes drift closed but he didn’t feel the need to force them back open. The sharpness of the house felt dimmer, quieter; as if they were sizzling into a low hum, something waiting to pounce again. He was too fatigued to worry about it, even though something in his gut told him to stay alert, something was bound to happen again, he didn’t listen, just readjusted positions under the warmth of the blanket.

He needed to say thank you to Thomas later.

[vash-the-trans-catboy]

Title: Too Much Morality Will Cause Anxiety

Prompt from @alvodra : Always on the search for more Logan calming Virgil down and being the only one truly understanding anxiety, possibly with Patton messing up somehow

Summary: Patton causes Virgil a lot of anxiety but Logan is there to help Virgil through it.

Word count: 1630

Tag list: @prince-rowan-of-the-forest @ishipgenfics (let me know if you want to be added)

TWs: Mentions of alcohol, manipulation, anxiety, panic attacks, little unsympathetic Patton

AO3

Thomas paced around the living room, occasionally glancing down at his watch. There was a debate going on inside his head and it looked like he was losing. Thomas decided he might as well make this debate real.

“Can everyone meet me in the living room? Please it’s an emergency?” Thomas called out loud to summon his logic, morality, anxiety, and creativity.

First, his logical side, dressed in business casual as usual, popped into the room.

“Is everything alright, Thomas?” Logan asked with a slight face of concern. A few emotions slipped through his stoic face. Logan tries to keep an appearance of seriousness, but Thomas and the other sides know Logan does care a lot.

“I’m-" “THOMAS, ARE YOU HURT?!?” Patton rushed into the conversation, interrupting Thomas.

While Logan and Patton were busy trying to figure out what was wrong with Thomas, Virgil quietly snuck in. Like a cat, Virgil stood on the steps observing everyone, waiting for his opportunity to make his presence known. His purple eyeshadow glimmered in the light. As grumpy as he pretends to be, his eyeshadow clearly gave away that he was having a good day.

Finally, the most dramatic side appeared.

“Oh god! Thomas! This is really an emergency. Your hair is absolutely atrocious. This must be why you called us here so suddenly.” Roman summoned a hairbrush, “Don’t worry as the most stylish side I got you covered.”

“My hair isn’t why I called you all here.” Thomas tried to correct Roman, but Roman was not listening. He threw the hairbrush at Thomas. It flew through the air, then went straight through Thomas’ head. Roman tended to forget since he was part of Thomas’ mind that anything he summoned Thomas could not touch. Thomas blankly stared at his sides as the hairbrush fell onto the floor. “Still isn’t about my hair.”

“Are you sure?” Roman raised one eyebrow in a questioning matter, “Couldn’t hurt for me to teach you to style it.”

“Ok. Moving on. This is wasting time. Thomas, why have you called us here?” Logan huffed at Roman’s antics as he returned the floor to Thomas.

“Maybe he’s dying.” Virgil deadpanned.

Thomas continued talking about his emergency, ignoring the dying comment, “So there’s this party. And this really cute guy invited me to go. But I don’t know if I should actually go.”

Logan rolled his eyes, “You must learn what is a real emergency.”

“A party! With a cute guy! Thomas, you’d be insane to say no.” Roman happily said.

“I don’t know guys. Crowded places aren’t always the best setting for Thomas. We should politely decline and go under our covers instead.” Virgil said looking a bit uneasy.

“Oh, Virgil. Being a downer as usual.” Patton said, “Thomas as your side that is your happiness you have to go. Socialization is great. Plus if Virgil said no you automatically know to do the opposite. When is listening to anxiety ever good?”

“What if the cute guy doesn’t show? Do you know anyone else at this party? What if the host doesn’t want you there? Will there be alcohol or drugs? Who am I kidding, it’s an adult party of course there will be alcohol and drugs. What if you get taken advantage of while not completely in your senses?” Virgil’s eyeshadow turned to a slightly darker purple, all the glimmer disappeared.

“Now you are just being stupid, Virgil. Real life isn’t as bad as your mind tells you it is. Thomas, trust me. I’m your morality. Would I ever really do something to harm you? This party will be good for you, for all of us.” Patton glanced at Virgil, “It will be especially good for dear Virgil here. You know how a little bit of alcohol can take the edge off. Maybe a few drinks and the nagging voice in your head will calm down.”

Virgil’s eyeshadow turned another shade darker. The purple started to mix with black. The joy from Virgil’s eyes was long gone. “If you drink you might not be able to make a rational decision. How well do you know this cute guy? What if he has bad intentions?”

“Please don’t listen to Mr. Fearful over here. Virgil is overreacting. This isn’t even an argument. Everyone knows you should go to the party and you really want to.” Patton smiled at Thomas. Virgil knows that smile and recoiled a bit, pushing his hood over his head, “So you’ll go to the party, right? Wouldn’t you love a night off from anxiety?”

Thomas shifted from one foot to another, he could feel the tension. “I’m not so sure I want to go now.”

“It’s because of Virgil isn’t it?” Patton pointed his finger accusingly at Virgil, “Maybe next time only bring the important sides if you actually want to get anything done.”

The room got deadly silent for a second. The only sound to be heard was heavy breathing.

Virgil’s eyeshadow turned completely black. His eyes dulled in color as well. He wobbled a little as the room spun.

Logan took a step closer to Virgil, “Virgil, you are looking pale. Do you feel alright?”

Virgil promptly collapsed to the floor before sinking out.

Complete chaos broke out the second he disappeared.

Thomas was too stunned to talk. He’d seen Patton and Virgil not get along before, but never to this degree.

“What the hell, Patton?” Roman yelled at Patton.

Logan was trying to hold back his anger, “You crossed a line this time.”

“I didn’t say anything there rest of us weren’t thinking.” Patton shot back.

“I don’t have time for this. I’ll lecture you later.” Logan turned to Roman, “Make sure Thomas is alright. I’m going to check on Virgil.” Logan sunk out.

“Patton please leave”

“But kiddo”

“No. You’ve done enough.” Patton pouted, then left the room in defeat.

…………………………….

Logan appeared in front of Virgil’s door. “Hey, Virgil. Are you in here?” He knocked on the door and waited for an answer. A minute passed; No one answered. He knocked again, “It’s Logan. I’m concerned.”

He attempted to open to door since Virgil was starting to worry him. He twisted the knob; It was locked. “Please, Virgil. I am truly worried.”

Still no answer. Logan sighed and took a seat next to Virgil’s door, “I don’t know if you can hear me but I’m going to give this shot. Take a deep breath. In for four. Hold for seven. Out for eight. Repeat. In for four. Hold for seven. Out for eight.” Logan breathed in and out as he instructed Virgil on his breathing. He wanted to give off as calm of an aura as possible.

“Getting in touch with your senses usually works to help ground you. What are five things you can see? You don’t have to say them out loud if you don’t want to.”

Logan heard a few mumbles from the other side of the door. It sounded vaguely like, “Bed, plushies, lamp, door, fan.”

“Very good, Virgil. Now four things you can feel.” Logan felt an immense sense of relief hearing Virgil’s voice.

“Carpet, clothing, impending doom, coldness.” The door lock clicked open.

“May I come in?” Logan stood up, putting his hand on the doorknob. He waited for Virgil’s response.

It was quiet for a few moments, a small “yeah” was heard in the background.

Logan slowly opened the door. “Three things you can hear.” He said as he walked in.

“Door creaking, sound machine, your voice.” Virgil closed his eyes and took a deep breath.

“You are doing great. Two things you can smell.”

Virgil started to sniff the room, “Lavender and your hand sanitizer.”

Logan sat down next to Virgil, “One thing you can taste.”

“Umm, my tongue I guess?” Virgil wiped his eyes, smudging his eyeshadow.

“Physical contact?” Logan asked.

“Yeah, I’m good with physical contact today.”

Logan took Virgil’s hand. He helped Virgil stand up and lead him to the bed. Virgil collapsed into Logan’s arms and started hysterically sobbing.

“I am just trying to protect Thomas and be helpful,” Virgil mumbled into Logan’s chest.

Logan rubbed circles on Virgil’s back, “I know. I think everything you said had a valid point. It is always important to think about safety.”

“I don’t understand why Patton hates me so much.”

“I do not see the logic in him hating you. We are a team. Targeting one of us will just be counterproductive.” Logan ran his fingers through Virgil’s hair, “Tomorrow I am going to give Patten a stern lecture.”

Logan heard a small laugh from Virgil. He looked up to meet Logan’s gaze, “You’d do that for me?”

Logan smiled, “Of course. You know I love a good lecture.”

Logan shifted Virgil off his lap and onto the pillow. He carefully slid off the bed.

Virgil reached for him, “Please stay.”

“I will be right back, I promise.” Logan went into the bathroom connected to Virgil’s room. He pulled out a container of makeup wipes from the draw. Logan gently took off Virgil’s eyeshadow to prevent it from ruining his bed or getting in his eyes.

Virgil’s eyes drooped in tiredness.

“I think it would be best to call it a night and go to sleep.” Logan pulled the spider web patterned comforter over Virgil.

Virgil reached out and tugged on Logan’s wrist, “Stay here tonight.”

“Of course, Virgil.” He pushed the comforter over and slid over it. Logan pulled Virgil into his arms and kissed his forehead. “Sleep tight, my dear.”

Virgil’s breaths eventually evened out as he fell asleep. Once Logan was sure Virgil was soundly asleep he pulled Virgil closer and fell asleep. Logan held onto Virgil all night to let him know was he always there for him.

[mx-chievious]

Tumblr Sexyman Shit smh /lh

OKAY SO MY FRIEND AND I WERE HAVING A CONVERSATION-

@mx-chievious

[thatonelesbianfander]

Been thinking about the first Sanders Sides AU I ever saw that got me into the fandom after hearing the song Evelyn Evelyn for the first time in a while

It was a Gacha Life AU by this one old Sasi Gacha creator that was a light side zombie AU. I’m pretty sure it was titled Zombie Sides if anyone remembers it. It’s no longer available because it got deleted with the channel of the person who made it. I don’t think there were any ships between the light sides but I do remember there being some Demus and maybe some Prinxiety.

Plot recap under cutoff (TW for death mention, murder mention, unsympathetic C!Thomas, zombies, violence, and argument mention)

The basic plot as far as I remember was that Roman and Remus got into an argument to the song Evelyn Evelyn (Roman as male voice, Remus as female voice), so the light sides go on a day out together to cheer Roman up. On that day out together, the lights are killed. They’re eventually brought back as zombies, which leads to the start of a zombie apocalypse. Remus and Janus (who was referred to as Deceit since it was made before his name reveal) end up getting attacked by the zombie lights and end up escaping and ganging up with a group of random people (that I’m pretty sure were the creator’s ocs) to try to find a cure.

I’m forget most of what happened after Remus and Janus teamed up with that group but pretty sure that Remus and Janus ended up figuring out that C!Thomas had started the apocalypse and Remus ends up killing C!Thomas when they confronted him and the sides are revived and turned back from zombies to humans, and Roman and Remus make up. This was literally my favorite AU, and I wish it wasn’t deleted.

The AU was actually pretty good and coherent and I miss it. I also think having C!Thomas as the twist villain was interesting because not a lot of Gacha AUs were using C!Thomas for anything and was more side focused so having the twist villain be C!Thomas instead of some random person was actually pretty cool.

Honestly, I should just remake the AU as a fanfic-

[aollosjustlurking]

you know the deal by now, "folklore" by taylor swift is an amazing retelling of virgil leaving the dark sides dripping in past anxceit. today's addition is focussed on "illicit affairs". this one is very focused on an anxceit breakup btw.

TW: unsympathetic deceit? it's from virgil's point of view so it's not very complimentary of janus, but it's also not that accusetory or anything. just kinda calls him a liar, which is sort of on the nose i'd say.

Make sure nobody sees you leave Hood over your head, keep your eyes down Tell your friends you're out for a run You'll be flushed when you return Take the road less traveled by Tell yourself you can always stop What started in beautiful rooms Ends with meetings in parking lots

hood mention everybody! hood mention! this song tells a story of virgil trying to maintain a relationship with janus while simultaneously trying to become closer with the light sides (i see this as just before his acceptance but you could see it as a little bit after as well). whether this secrecy is because virgil thinks it's necessary or because janus thinks it's necessary is up to interpretation.

And that's the thing about illicit affairs And clandestine meetings and longing stares

despite virgil and janus' relationship not being one of adultry, it is still "illicit" due to how the others view them. It's born from just one single glance But it dies, and it dies, and it dies A million little times

the ending of their relationship was a long time coming I think. they are in their very nature not incredibly well suited for each other, i mean lies literally make virgil more anxious, so their relationship had to be a messy one. the idea that it would die a million times before they truly cut it off is fitting.

Leave the perfume on the shelf That you picked out just for him So you leave no trace behind Like you don't even exist

if we stick with the timeline of this being just before virgil's acceptance, it makes sense for virgil to not feel as though he exists in this moment. he's drifting away from the dark sides, notably janus, but also is not accepted by the light sides yet.

Take the words for what they are A dwindling, mercurial high A drug that only worked The first few hundred times

virgil knows he cannot trust the lofty claims janus makes about their relationship because he knows janus. he might've believed more in the beginning, but not anymore.

And that's the thing about illicit affairs And clandestine meetings and stolen stares They show their truth one single time But they lie, and they lie, and they lie A million little times

this would be why virgil believed in this relationship at the start. one moment of vulnerability and truth from janus that gave virgil hope, only to be followed by millions of lies.

And you wanna scream Don't call me "kid" Don't call me "baby"

we've seen through interactions between virgil and patton that virgil does not appreciate being patronized or being treated as a small little thing. additionally i would argue that he has felt this behavior from janus. we know janus has the capability because of how he talked down to virgil in the courtroom episode and how he's treated roman as of late. Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me You showed me colors You know I can't see with anyone else

the dark sides actually seem pretty close. virgil sort of references this when he tell thomas that he should've known how to deal with remus. i feel as though that because the dark sides are outcasted the way that they are, they are able to behave more freely around each other because they understand each other better. the light sides hide things from each other all of the time, mainly emotions and thoughts. what virgil is referencing is the freedom he felt with janus to a certain degree that he no longer has.

Don't call me "kid" Don't call me "baby" Look at this idiotic fool that you made me You taught me a secret language I can't speak with anyone else

additional to the last point, you could tie this to that theory on the dark sides all having a way to communicate directly to thomas without the others interrupting. janus can silence others, remus can draw everyone's attention directly to him, and virgil has that distorted voice we see in "moving on". this could be a "secret language" that virgil can no longer utilize because he is considered a light side now.

And you know damn well For you, I would ruin myself A million little times

despite leaving the dark sides being a major event for his character, virgil seems intenesly loyal. he has that sort of "ride or die" vibe about him. evidence of this could be that even now when he hates the dark sides, he still never refers to them as "dark sides", he always uses the term "others". he will not diminish them to "dark sides". you could argue that this is because he doesn't want thomas to view him as dark, but he has been using the alternative name for years, even before he told thomas his history. this proves that a bit of him is still somewhat looking out for janus and the others, even if just a little.

[aidensm8]

Remus and Roman: Arson

Another quick ramble in the tags cause damn you all got me in a talkative mood today

[sanders-sides-uncorrect-quotes]

Roman: I only like dudes 6ft or above

Virgil: *grows over 6ft when anxiety is heightened*

Roman, grabbing a lighter: perfect

(Did You Know?: Virgil is pyrophobic!)

[rottedcreatures]

Brother, I've got you.

Summary: after an argument with Logan, Roman seeks out his older twin for comfort.

A03 link:

Roman didn't know what he did wrong. Logan didn't seem busy, so Roman had been trying to coordinate a day of line running with the logical facet. "So if tomorrow doesn't work maybe we can do s-"

"Do you ever shut up, Roman?"

The question stings as it registers in Roman's ears, and the light sided twin looks at Logan with a confused look, eyebrows furrowed in upset. "W-what?" Roman murmurs, flinching as Logan begins yelling at him.

"I said do you ever shut up!? You never fucking listen to anyone! God sometimes I wish I could just grab you by the neck and squeeze until you stop fucking talking all the time!"

Roman's eyes fill with golden tears. The princely side throws the script in Logan's face and runs off, not hearing Virgil scolding Logan. As Roman runs, he thinks to himself 'maybe he's right?'. He doesn't realize he's heading right for the darksides until Janus is calling out for Roman to slow down, to stop, to breathe—

Roman spots his brother and only manages to get out a sob before he's going over and waiting for Remus to set aside the crochet project.

Remus, instantly, sets his current task aside and carefully pulls the younger twin into his lap, letting Roman bury his face in the nape of his neck. Remus rests a hand on Roman's back, starting to rock himself and Roman. "Hey Ro-bro." Remus cooed gently, forgetting Janus is in the room. "It's alright. Bubba's got you."

Janus opens his mouth to speak, but upon the glare the snake-eqsue side receives from the duke, shuts his mouth. Janus muttered under his breath, bewildered at the display Remus is showing. Nonetheless, the deceitful facet quietly enters the kitchen and starts preparing some cold chocolate milk for Roman and Remus.

"L-log-" Roman sobs as he curls up, hands curling into fists as he grasps at the fabric of his brother's costume, unable to bring himself to speak.

"Sssh, sssh...it's alright. You don't need to talk." Remus whispers reassuringly, combing his hand through Roman's hair gently as he keeps rocking the two of them. "I can take a guess as to what happened." Remus grumbled, sounding a bit upset.

"B-but-"

"But nothing, bubby." Remus assured, as Roman sits up and wipes the gold tears off his own face. "You don't have to talk. Just nod or shake your head." Remus hummed, waiting for Roman's approval.

After Roman nods, Remus takes a moment to remind himself to remain calm. "You had an argument with Logan, and he made a comment about how you like to talk?"

When Roman nodded, Remus's eye twitched. "Well, that fucker is wrong. He just has an orange painted stick up his ass." Remus pulls Roman close again, snapping his fingers so him and his twin both are in comfortable matching pajamas. "There. Better?"

"Mhm..."

"Good. Double-Dee, get in here!"

"Be paitent you street rat!" Janus called back, resulting in both the twins snickering. After a moment Janus returns to the living room carrying one red cup with a lid and straw, and a matching green one. "Thesssse are both the sssame." Janus held the cups out

Roman takes the green one, and Remus takes the red. Roman settles in Remus's lap, leaned up against his muscular twin. Remus always had the stronger build, it was why Roman loved Remus's hugs so much. "...thanks, Jan.." Roman murmurs softly, sipping the chocolate milk.

"It isn't a problem, Roman." Janus hummed, settling next to the two. "Now...who upset you? And do you want reassurence?"

Remus hummed, putting a hand on Roman's head and messing with his hair. "Jay, he already talked about it once. I'll check in with you later, okay?"

"Ugh, fine. I'll leave the remote here, I'll be in my room if you need me." And with that, Janus left.

Remus turned his attention to Roman. "Ro...I'm sorry we haven't hung out in a while-" he begins, taking a sip of his chocolate milk. "I dont...really have an excuse. I'm sorry."

"...'s okay." Roman murmurs as he leans against Remus. "I wasn't...the best brother either." Roman sighed softly as he took another sip of the chocolate milk. "Logan and Virgil have been riding my ass so much I can barely get away from them."

"I'll cut their dicks off!"

"No, thats- not what the issue is."

"Oh. Wait then...can you tell me what the issue is?"

Roman bit his lip, and nodded. "Promise you won't get mad...?"

"You know I can't promise that, Ro..." Remus said softly, quietly.

Roman sighed softly. "I know. But uhm...Logan and Virgil want Patton to ban me from visiting you..."

Remus's eye twitched. "Do you know why?"

Roman nodded. "They uhm.. think we're out committing crimes and stealing things."

"Uh-huh?"

"And I tried to explain that it's not true but they just..."

"Wouldn't listen?" Remus combed a hand through Roman's hair gently.

Roman nodded and took a breath. "I really like hanging out with you a-and Patton knows and doesn't want to stop me from doing that, but Logan and Virgil keep pressuring him.."

Remus sighed, rolling his ruby red eyes. "Of course they do, fuckin' pricks." Remus murmurs, tentacles squirming on his back.

Roman finished his chocolate milk. "...can we draw together?"

"Huh? Oh, like...pa...para.."

"Paralell play."

"Yeah that fuckin shit. Sure thing rommy." Remus waved his arm and the art supplies appeared, Remus setting the drinks aside. "You wanna paint, sketch, color, or...?"

"Whatever works." Roman grabbed a multi-media sketchbook and a mechanical pencil.

"Okay bubby." Remus hummed happily, nose scrunching up. He popped his lips and grabbed a canvas to start sketching on.

Roman also popped his lips, quietly rocking himself back and forth. Remus did the same, both twins needing some sort of motion stimuli.

The two sat next to eachother, happily drawing

[softbluefanfiction]

Truce

When I first started writing this fic, I accidentally deleted the first 2000 words and had to restart, that wasn't very nice, but I pulled through and really I hope you enjoy!

The insults. The accusations. Constantly having to defend himself. Having to play nice. It was all getting to be too much for Janus, but he had no choice but to handle it. He needed to take it in order to help Thomas, and eventually it would stop. Until then though...

"Your slippery sarcasm scale is why we are in this mess in the first place!" Roman yelled, pointing an accusing finger.

"Yeah, for real, Thomas" Virgil spat, "how can you still not see him for what he is?"

"And what would that be, dear Anxiety?" His stomach twisted as he spoke; it was tough to fight with him on a good day, but Virgil had also declared that he wasn't going to use Janus's name and that Janus wasn't allowed to use his. The only reason he agreed was to stop a fight, but in hindsight, it seemed to have not caused any release of tension from the group.

"A monster-"

"Woah! That's a bit strong, don't you think, Verg? Maybe we can take a second-" Thomas tried.

"No, it's not!" Virgil snapped. "he's been lying and deceiving us from the start, and now his advice has cost us a friendship!"

A few weeks ago, Thomas had come to them with a moral dilemma about two acting jobs. One was for a friend's production and would have meant a great deal to said friend if Thomas had taken the part. The other was a more prestigious role that Thomas has been working towards for a long while, alongside that Thomas didn't have much experience with the genre and really wanted to test himself; it also paid more. Janus had gone for the obvious choice with Logan on his side. He then won over Patton; given that other people were lined up to audition, his friend wouldn't have been shorthanded. He knew Roman secretly wanted to do the more challenging thing. It was easy after that.

"I hardly believe that that is a reasonable conclusion, Virgil." Logan slid in next to Janus, much to the latter's relief. A small genuine smile came across his face as Logan began to defend him. It always took him by such surprise; he never thought he'd be on speaking terms with the other after what he did, impersonating him. Now they had begun to quite enjoy each other's company and Logan defended him, often without hesitation: "when was it you said this play was, Thomas?"

"Uh, I went to it last week, but it ran the rest of the week too."

"And when and how frequently have you contacted this person?"

"Once that night and a couple of times today, but he still hasn't responded. He was also weird after the play, I mean we barely spoke!"

"Hence the 'issue' at hand," Janus said with air quotes and Roman positively fumed.

"Wipe that smile off your face, you deceitful dick!" He snapped and everyone in the room seemed as taken aback as Janus was.

"Running out of insults, are we, Roman?" He sneered.

"No, you...you... snake!" he shouted, still pointing an accusatory finger.

Both he and Logan rolled their eyes as Logan continued. "So, based on the fact that you have texted them during and after a busy week and they have not responded as well as being distant during a very busy production, you are concluding that they no longer wish to be your companion? Thomas, you must see that that is a bit of an extreme conclusion?"

Thomas and Vigil took a deep breath together. "Yeah, I'm sorry Logan, you're right. I should wait a minute before ringing the alarm bell."

"The figurative one I assume; although that might be an interesting way to improve the safety of your home, it would be unnecessary as the fire alarms are already operating."

"That doesn't change anything, they could be-" before Virgil could continue, Thomas's phone buzzed.

"Oh, who could that be?" Janus asked.

Thomas spoke sheepishly, looking apologetically at Janus and Logan. "It's them, they're sorry that they haven't been able to talk much and wanna go out to lunch some time."

"Well, then," Logan said with a self satisfied sigh, "if that is all I'll bid you a good night, and Thomas, remember to check your calendar before making plans."

"Okay, Logan, thank you!" Thomas rubbed the back of his neck as Logan sunk out.

"Hmmm, would you look at that, despite my villainous influences on Thomas's decision making everything turned out fine! How could this possibly be?" Janus gasped with mock shock, bringing a gloved hand to his mouth.

"This doesn't change anything, you're still-"

"Virgil," Thomas voice was a bit raised but he took a deep breath and softened, "Virgil, its okay."

The anxious side struggled for a moment, seeming to have more to say, but then simply huffed and sunk out with Roman ready to take his place in the fight.

Before that argument could move any further he held up a hand, and looked at his host. "I will see you later Thomas, don't hesitate to call if you need me." He sunk out with a calm smile from Thomas and fuming rage from Roman.

After he was back in the mindscape's living room, his shoulders slumped and his face fell before he realized that he was not alone and put on his mask once more. Every cell in his body fought against not being able to just relax, but he pushed those feelings away, making his way into the kitchen.

He was no longer going to stay in the room, but was still going to take a bottle of wine up to his bedroom. He felt like he deserved a little help to unwind.

Virgil spoke up as he looped back from the kitchen to make his way up the stairs: "I know what you're doing!" He growled.

"Do you now?" Janus huffed, he'd had too much today already and mostly responded on instinct. He hoped Virgil would just drop it so he could get onto staying in his room the rest of the night.

"I do, and I'm not going to let you hurt him!"

Janus let out an exasperated sigh and spun around at the top of the staircase. "Do you ever think I've tried so hard to get to Thomas because I care for him and want to help him?!" He meant to be snide in order to get Virgil to understand while not being vulnerable, but his voice failed him at the end, cracking.

That gave Virgil pause but he strode on. "It doesn't matter what you think you're doing. You're deceit and all you are going to do is hurt Thomas."

Janus just huffed and walked away, face turning red at his outburst. He had avoided reacting out of pure feeling since his low blow with Roman, but it seemed like they knew just how to get on his nerves and wanted him to fail so badly. He wouldn't have been surprised if that was a genuine scheme of theirs, to hit him where it hurts until he finally shows his true colors or whatever. They'd done worse.

Hot tears burned at the back of his eyes but he swallowed them down. He would not cry because of them. They would not hurt him, he was better than that and if it meant he could have Thomas's attention then they didn't matter.

But this was getting to be exhausting. The punches were coming just as hard as before and seemed to hurt worse and worse. Virgil's always stung, but the attacks were getting more and more personal. Roman was nothing compared to that, but the last few weeks every time it seemed that they were getting somewhere he'd redouble his efforts at getting under Janus' skin.

They were also in cahoots to not let him be alone with Thomas, and for a while, Patton. He actually began to get a stomach ache every time he went to go visit either, even starting to avoid them entirely before they both realized what was up and told the other two off. They could still interrupt if they found a good enough reason and used it as an excuse, which left Janus with much apprehension.

Their efforts also left him with conclusions that he was barely allowing to cross his mind, but he felt them pushing against the edges, threatening to burst out. About how Virgil and Roman are a part of Thomas and what their sentiment means about what Thomas thinks of him.

He shook himself out of his reverie and poured a glass of wine, sitting on his bed to sip at it.

His suit felt itchy and he knew he probably needed a shower. Last week he shed and that was just delightful, as always. He was more than grumpy and expected it to ruin all he had worked for but everyone was actually exceptional about the whole situation. Even Roman. It was another time he thought he might've gotten through to him but absolutely didn't. Either way, he was onto the last of it and one more good soak would do him some good.

He felt like a 60's housewife drinking wine in the bath but usually it could fix almost any issue so he wasn't willing to give it up. This time, he felt himself relax a bit, but instead of his worries washing away he felt them pressing down on him still, as if held at arm's length but ready to pounce at any moment; but in all honesty, it could just be the wine relaxing him.

He got done with a few glasses before he heard a knock on the door. "One second." Janus jumped out of the tub and carefully dried himself off and, for force of habit, assumed Remus would be behind the door, simply wrapping a towel around himself to answer it.

Which is how he caused one Patton Sanders to let out a rather loud "Oh, my!" when he opened the door, turning a shade of red that Janus did not think possible.

"Oh, my...um," Janus echoed, closing the door to cover most of himself peeking his head out. "You'll have to excuse me Patton, I had assumed you were Remus, did you need something?"

Patton was decidedly looking everywhere besides Janus, eyes curiously flitting back to his bare chest every few glances, but he really was doing his best to not look, it made Janus smile and giggle drunkenly, "You can look at me, it's fine."

They had been tipsy together before and Patton had admitted he was mad at Roman and Virgil's behavior and when that topic shifted away, feeling like he should offer something as well, he had admitted that his scales often made him feel foreign and out of place. Patton said he thought they were pretty and Janus couldn't believe that was true, and said as much. That's probably not what the moral side was currently thinking of at that moment, he belatedly realized, but didn't much care.

Patton swallowed and leveled his eyes on his counterpart's face, every few words his eyes would stray for a few moments but snap back up after realizing what had occurred. "Right, um, I just wanted to invite you to movie night at 9, um, and Thomas will be there too!"

And Roman and Virgil. "Don't wait up for me," He said after a minute of thought, he would think about though "sorry, Patton."

"No, no, it's okay!" He could tell it wasn't, but couldn't think of what to say so they just sat there awkwardly for a moment.

"Hey, daddy!" Remus saved them. "if you two wanna fuck I can leave." He laughed as Patton sputtered, walking up to them and placing a hand on each of their shoulders.

"Remus, please, you'll break him," Janus rubbed his face to stop his own laugh, keeping his tone exasperated "my apologies again Patton, have a good night!"

"Yeah, um, see you at the movie Remus" He whispered, running off as fast as possible.

"You're invited?" Janus asked, shocked. He didn't know that any of the others tolerated him, including Thomas, just that they accepted that they couldn't just ignore him.

"Oh, pfft, no!" Remus laughed, pushing into the room and shutting the door behind him, "I just showed up and nobodies told me to fuck off yet, so im still showing up!" Remus wrapped his arms around Janus' waist, leading him to the bed and leaning in for a kiss.

"It seems as though they have come to expect you!" Janus murmurs against Remus' lips. He allows the conversation to drift away when the other doesn't respond, pulling them both down over his bed. They curled up there, Remus laying on top of the other with his head nuzzled into his neck, the towel that Janus was wearing forgotten.

Their relationship had changed drastically in the last while since Virgil left. They had both come to find each other in the dark sides commons one night and opened up about missing Virgil. It was the first time either of them had been so open with the other and it was the start of a beautiful and weird thing between them. It started slowly with just hanging out all the time, but then one night Remus shakily reached over during an anime he was watching and grabbed Janus' hand. It was all fast after that, and a supposed silver lining to Virgil's absence.

"You still..." Remus mumbled, brushing down Janus' arm slowly "have some.." he picked up the snake-like side's appendage. "Janus shreds to remove," and started to slowly take off the rest of his shed. Janus just turns his head over, sighing at the satisfying feeling, content to fall asleep and deal with washing the sheets later.

"Alright, come on!" Janus lets out a whine as Remus pulls him up and takes him back to the bathroom. The other got undressed and Janus removed the water from the tub while the shower turned on, Remus quickly washed off and then walked back to Janus. "Let's get the rest of this off, hmm?"

Janus nodded and settled down on the side of the tub, it was an ornate one with golden legs on the four sides in the shape of snakes and white marble coloring on the rest. "Are you for real not going to movie night?" Janus sighed as Remus carefully took off the rest of his dead skin, if you tried to remove it too soon it burned and might even bleed, but now it was high past time and felt like bliss.

"Although I would just love to be berated all night long, I think I will be content enough to read the night away." Janus felt a little disappointed at the thought, but even Patton was starting to irritate him. He was treating the deceitful side like a hurt puppy rather than confronting the others. He knew that it wouldn't help, but a little effort in the right direction wouldn't kill.

"Buzzkill...that's fair, and if that bottle was full before it got to your room you're also shitfaced." He laughed, picking up the almost empty container and chugging the rest.

The other just nodded. There was certainty a blur around the edges of his mind growing stronger, and he leaned into Remus' touch as he massaged his shoulders far after his shed was gone the rest of the way. "I think I would just like to go to bed, okay?"

"Do you know people spend ⅓ of their life asleep, meaning that people waste 229'961 hours of their life so they can hallucinate while drooling?"

"Logan has been a bad influence on you," Janus mumbles as they both dry off and make it back to Janus' room. "You should still go, if you want."

Remus in response snuggled under the covers with Janus and closed his eyes, shrugging. "I'm good here, boo, at least until you fall asleep."

"Thank you," the yellow side grumbles, it does take awhile for him to actually rest, but Remus pulled out some sort of book Janus knew better than to look at, and seemed content enough to stay.

---

Janus woke up from a nightmare with a scream and immediately fell into a panic attack. He tried to get the air past his lungs and tore through his hair, his face and arms heavy and numb to him.

Remus was around him a moment later, hugging his shoulders and badly guiding him through a breathing exercise. It took a few minutes but he got back down to where he could speak.

"What if I'm bad for Thomas?" He whispered, hands falling into his lap, he swallowed and almost started to wonder if Remus had heard him. A mantra of monster, monster, monster, monster  was cycling through his head, leftover fragments of the cacophony in his dream that was already becoming hard to remember.

"What? " Remus sounded furious, his voice a low growl and Janus folded in on himself, closing his eyes, arms going around his chest.

"Virgil said...I just...no one ever thinks that they're the bad guy, I was happy to play the part if it meant I could get Thomas to see...but what if I wasn't...?" His voice wavered, he knew he was going to regret telling Remus who exactly caused this particular episode, but maybe he deserved it after all the crap he'd been pulling.

"This has to stop!" Remus spat, voice still low. Another aspect that is opposite from Roman, when Remus gets angry it's a cold, quiet fury  "when are you going get your head out of your ass, Janny? My fuckass brother gets butthurt once and you're just going to let everything slide by from now on?"

"It's not like that, I don't want anything getting in between me and Thomas or hurting him and that situation has clearly has done both, things will smooth over-"

"Will they really stop though," Remus softened. "You have proved yourself already and Thomas has even told them to chill and they are not any closer to being done with their crap!"

They both stayed quiet for awhile after that..."you're right, something has to budge, im sorry".

"You shouldnt be apologizing to me, i'm not mad at you... i'm gonna go get you some of those sleepy bears" Remus jumped off the bed and Janus didn't expect him back for awhile. At least he put pants on.

Laying back down he realized he had only slept for about two hours, and movie night was on downstairs. He burrowed down with a groan, they had to have heard him scream. He begged the universe that Remus would just go and get the melanin gummies from the kitchen and that would be the end of it.

Of course that wasn't the end of it, but at least Janus wasn't aware for a while.

---

Remus was absolutely fuming when he left the room, intending to break down Virgil's door if it killed him, but when he heard a movie going on downstairs he figured that would work too.

The movie was immediately paused as Remus thundered down the steps. He realized just now that the others probably haven't seen him this truly angry, or even this serious, and Thomas was in the room. That almost changed his mind about whatever he was gonna do when he got to Virgil, but decided that Thomas might need to be privy to the conversation.

"You" He growled, pointing at Virgil who snapped his head up at him from his usual spot. Roman tried to get in the way but Remus summoned some weird handcuff thing and threw it in his direction. It latched onto both his hands and then flew to the wall behind him, connecting to it. It then pulled him back and away. He jumped up on the couch and pulled Virgil up by his hoodie, pushing him against the wall.

"What the-" Virgil started, but Remus shook him.

"You need to put your ducklings in a row before I kill em all!" Remus noted the fear in his eyes and how tight he was holding the other, and loosened his grip.

"What are you talking about?" Virgil said, not moving. Remus was sure he would know why he was here now that it was brought to his attention. Virgil always knew when there was a spike in anxiety somewhere in the mindscape and that much from Janus would have crossed the radar.

"You know damn well what, you pitch black nightmare!" Remus spat, "Do you honestly think that Thomas is better without Janus?"

That stopped him short, and over his shoulder Remus could see everyone's head snap from him to Virgil. "...I didn't say that''

"Well you said something that has him convinced him he's no good for Thomas!"

"He isn't," Virgil insisted, looking like he regretted the words immediately.

"Do you really believe that or are you hiding from the fact that you were wrong and are being an asshole's asshole about it?" That shut him up quick and Remus let him go and walked over to Roman who was as quiet as everyone else was, "Parties over you can go back to your movie". The anger had fizzled when he saw how scared Virgil was, and he had already told Roman off several times. Thomas would most likely have a few words with them, so that would have to be enough. He produced a key and unlocked his twin, with a click the cuffs and key disappeared.

There were a few scattered murmurs from the living room as Remus grabbed a few gummies and ate them, grabbing an extra and heading upstairs with it.

"Hey..." It was Thomas that spoke up, and in a quiet tone that gave Remus pause half-way up, "is everything alright, I mean... what happened?"

Remus opened his mouth to tell him, but closed it again when Logan shifted. "Ask him yourself". Thomas nodded, clearly a bit disappointed with the answer and Remus went to leave.

"He had a panic attack," Virgil mumbled, looking down at his feet numbly.

The others in the room looked mostly shocked but Thomas looked aghast. Before he could say anything else Remus huffed in disgust and walked away to go take care of Janus.

---

Janus stayed in his room most of the next few days, his panic attack was more than enough to tell him he needed a break, so unless directly called upon he would spend some time doing just that. He did leave a couple of times early in the morning to help Patton with breakfast and chat with Logan, but for a much shorter time and left quickly if anyone other than Remus showed face. Everyone was acting a bit strangely but Janus refused to put much thought into it. They all had nightmares, so hearing him yell yesterday shouldn't be something they are able to hold over his head.

He'd also scheduled an early meeting with Dr. Pacini, and he assured Janus that he was handling the situation very well. Taking a step back and avoiding anything that could be triggering for a short time could do some good, although he did ask Janus to lower his alcohol consumption to at least every other day and not fully isolate himself.

He also asked that Janus talk to Thomas about his worries, but was immediately shot down in the meeting. Now that it was in his mind though, Janus felt himself slowly lose the will to not do just that. He would have to explain why he had been absent recently and had made it a point to stop lying to Thomas.

Perhaps he would just explain certain things to his host, that he had wanted to relax a little and that was why he was distant the last few days. Something to sooth the others likely worries and it would be nice to see Thomas, as his company was rather nice.

That's what he told himself as he appeared in Thomas' room late one night, only to find the other on his laptop entranced by Netflix and unaware of his presence.

Janus smiled lightly, happy to see the other enjoying himself, although with the late hour Logan was sure to have a fit. Instead of interrupting he simply started to move about the room, he probably should have gone to bed himself, but a little tidying wouldn't hurt.

He was able to check if Thomas' house plant needed watering, fold some shirts on the floor and straighten up the chair in the corner before he was noticed.

"Oh, hey Janus" Thomas smiled and closed the laptop when he saw the other, "sorry I didn't see you there, um, what are you doing?"

"It's no bother Thomas, it's not like I've taken time out of my very busy schedule of doing nothing to come and check on you at a ridiculous hour only to have you pay me no mind while I clean your room" He waved his hand dismissively and sat next to Thomas, who let out a soft laugh.

"Yeah, I actually wanted to check on you, I haven't seen you in the past few days and figured you might want some space but I was getting worried"

"Whatever would you need to be worried about?" Janus tried, icy trepidation making its way up his spine, "I'm doing well".

Thomas paused, looking a bit guilty "look, Jan, I know that you had a panic attack and you don't have to talk about it now but i'd like to maybe figure out why so I can help"

Janus paused, ready to deny and avoid but Thomas gave him that 'im Thomas and too wholesome and caring for this world look' and he signed quietly to himself, now at a loss for words. He felt panic brewing at being so exposed and a slight anger at himself for letting Thomas worry about him.

"You really don't have to talk about it, I swear, and i'm worried but I know you can take care of yourself and..." Thomas filled the prolonged silence with rushed and nervous words that Janus wanted to interrupt but his mouth just wasn't working.

He could say many things. Something to soften the blow, a half-truth that Thomas wouldn't fall for but would allow given the circumstances. He could lie, say that whatever Remus said was just to throw Thomas off, but Thomas had not mentioned Remus and if Janus did then that would be an easy hole to poke through. He could tell Thomas he wasn't ready to discuss it and be left feeling awkward and guilty, because while that isn't necessarily a lie, he would still be keeping secrets from Thomas.

All of these thoughts swirled through Janus's head as Thomas's rambling became muffled and his breath came in shorter gasps.

"Do you think i'm evil?" It was the first thing on Janus' tongue and the last thing he actually wanted to open up to Thomas about. He didn't know if he would be able to take the answer being yes, but a lie to try and comfort him would tear him to pieces.

After a long silence Thomas finally spoke,"What?". His voice was gentle but alarmed, meant to brush away Janus' worries.

The deceptive side tried to respond but he stopped and took a shaky breath, grounding himself. "It has been on my mind for awhile, I know it is unreasonable to ask you to answer that, I just...its tough being insulted by people you (that Thomas cares) care about and I am concerned as to how their opinions are affecting your own"

"Janus, it's not unreasonable to voice your concerns, and... I can't say with certainty that I don't view you as at least a little bad, but i'm working on unlearning that type of thinking and Virgil and Roman aren't going to make me change my mind on that, okay?"

Janus' body relaxed from the tension he didn't know he was holding and he sighed, leaning heavily on his hands. That was somehow the perfect response and Janus felt some sort of weight leave him. "Woah, hey, its okay", Thomas scrambled forwards to sit next to where Janus was, rubbing circles on his back, "Did I say something wrong?"

Janus shook his head, confused as to what the other meant, until he realized he was shaking and had started crying. Shame and fear rose past his relief, but Thomas had wrapped his arm around the others shoulder and Janus couldn't stop himself from accepting the comfort.

He leaned into Thomas' hug, putting his face onto the others shoulder as he let out the first real sob he'd let happen in months. Thomas, ever patient, simply whispered soothing words and rubbed circles on his back.

It took several minutes for Janus to calm down, but once he did he remained in Thomas' grasp for a while longer. "I didn't mean..." Janus started to pull back not sure what he was going to say and looked down at Thomas' shirt, wet with tears, "to ruin your shirt" he finished lamely.

Thomas just frowned and shook his head, worry creasing his brow. Janus sighed and looked away, rubbing his forehead. Thomas had never seen Janus like this, sure he was less guarded around his host but he still wasn't sure what to tell Thomas now that he had all of a sudden broken down. "I feel...better now" was what eventually came out, along with a shaky laugh.

"That's good" Thomas smiled, patting him awkwardly on the back. "Are the others all busy, or, I mean, do you have someone to be with right now, I guess"

"No, Remus is in the imagination and I believe all others are resting, but I can assure you that I will take care of myself." He winked at the other "self-care and all that".

That earned him a laugh, "Right, yeah...you mean a lot to me Janus, okay, I really hope that I wasn't hurting you by not telling you that sooner"

"No, Thomas, I should have come to you sooner and it's really not as bad as it might seem, I am a professional at bottling up my emotions, as it were"

"Yeah, I guess that makes sense..." They sat in comfortable silence for awhile after that, taking a minute to let everything soak in, "If you wanna stay, I was watching the office?"

"That sounds abhorrent" Janus jibed, as he waved his hand and changed into his pajamas, sitting down next to Thomas as he started up the laptop again.

After a few episodes Janus felt his body get lighter and he fell asleep content and laughing with Thomas.

Thank you so much for reading everyone, I appreciated every like and comment and feel free to critique! I wish you well and goodnight!

AFTERWORD IS POSTED! I JUST DONT KNOW HOW TO LINK IT IM SORRY!

[haus-of-starkid]

Roman: *writing in a notebook* Janus <3

Roman: *closes the death note*

[yourchemicallyimbalancedromance]

Burned Bridges

Summary: Virgil runs into a wasted Janus at a party that his best friend, Roman, is throwing on Halloween night. A locked door forces them to confront their heavy past.

Ships: past analogical, present prinxiety

CW/TW: Alcohol, smoking, homophobia and bullying, Human!Virgil, Human!Remus (mentioned), Human!Roman, Human!Remy (mentioned), Human!Janus, Human!Logan (mentioned), unsympathetic Virgil, unsympathetic Janus, sympathetic Roman

It was October 31st and instead of binge watching horror movies by himself in the dark of his room, Virgil found himself standing in the corner of his childhood bestfriends house, early 2000’s pop music blasting in the background. He hadn’t dressed up and hundreds of people were bobbing up and down in a sea of red plastic cups, costumes, and glow stick bracelets, screaming the lyrics that came out of the speakers Roman had bought. He’d forced Virgil to go with him to buy them after begging him to come to the party because, in his words, “you never get out of the house, it’ll be fun! Especially if you meet a cute guy”

Virgil laughed after he said this, only responded with “yeah, whatever you say, Roman.”

Tequila suffocated anything that represented a pleasant smell out of the room. He was holding a drink himself, taking sips of it occasionally; not because it tasted good—at all—but because he had a hunch he wouldn’t want to remember the events of tonight.

His throat burned. He knew he wasn’t supposed to sip Tequila, normally he chugged it, but he liked the distraction of the pain and the warmth that filled him after every taste.

He desperately looked around for a familiar face. Last he saw Roman was when the party had started four hours earlier. It was now 2 AM and he had done nothing but drink, take shots with Remus and a few of his friends, be forced to dance by Remy, and stand in the corner waiting for it all to be over.

He chugged the rest of his drink and stood there for a moment, sinking in the environment around him, ultimately deciding to hide in the bathroom until the party was over. He took a few shaky steps into the crowd of people, shoving past drunks and the occasional stoner. He never really understood why Roman hung out with these kind of people, he honestly doubted that he knew most of the people in his house anyway.

He found his way to the bathroom and shoved it open, quickly closing and locking it, sitting on the cold tile floor.

In his rush, he hadn’t noticed Janus, wearing a Harry Potter costume, who was also sitting on the floor.

“Fuck, Sorry I didn’t know you were—“

Janus cuts him off “Vrrrrrrgggllll” he laughs, the name on his tongue slurring together.

“Look I didn’t know you were in here, I’ll just leave.” He states bluntly, getting up to open the door, wishing he still had his drink, he really didn’t want to remember this. He tried to force down his unresolved anger but it came out sharp in his voice.

“Vir-gil,” Janus hiccups “can I tell youuuu a secret?”

Virgil tries to unlock the door but it’s jammed, no matter how hard he pulls or twists the knob, it won’t budge. He sinks back down to the floor, annoyed. “Whatever Janus, sure” he says

“I think you’re still angry at me” he blurts out, giggling a bit, eyes drooping.

“Yeah, I am. You fucked me over, really bad. Who wouldn’t be.” he spits. He had his knees to his chest, his back to the door, trying to stay as far away from Janus as he could.

Janus struggled to stand up, grabbing onto the shower curtain and slipping, falling back down, pulling the curtain and rod down with him. Janus just giggled. “Oops.” was all he said.

Virgil rolled his eyes. “Fucking hell, Janus. Can you stop being a nuisance for two minutes?” He screams.

Janus looks at him for a moment before registering what he said, mumbling a “sorry”

With anyone else, Virgil would’ve felt sorry for yelling, but Janus was the exception. He deserved it, worse than that even.

“You ruined the one good thing I had and you expect me to feel fucking sorry for you?” He snaps.

“I-“ Janus hiccups “I didn’t mean to” the light and carelessness in his eyes from earlier, gone. Now replaced with only a hint of it behind dull pupils.

“Yeah?, well you did. You think ganging up on me and Logan didn’t fucking ruin our relationship? You think the constant harassment inside and outside of Uni wasn’t fucking enough for me to have atleast a little bit of anger towards you?” he was practically screeching but he didn’t care, the music would cover it anyway.

Janus was staring at him, almost emotionless apart from the look in his eyes, which were starting to water.

Virgil got up to try the door again when Roman suddenly opened it, looking from Virgil to Janus and then Virgil again. He gave him a “what the actual hell is going on????” look and Virgil just shook his head, shoved past Roman and into the crowd.

Roman stared at Janus for a minute, taking notice of the curtain and curtain rod astray on the floor. He didn’t say anything, just closed the door and ran after Virgil.

———————————————————————

After a few minutes of searching inside, he found Virgil in his front yard, sitting on the stairs, smoking a cigarette.

He sat down next to him and a thick silence hung between them. Virgil blew out smoke into the cold air before clearing his throat. “He was acting like we were best friends again, can you believe it?” He laughed in exasperation.

Roman could believe it, Janus had always been an asshole in College and even before that, that was kinda his thing, which was why he was surprised when Virgil had suddenly decided to become friends with him one day.

“He’s so funny dude, like literally one of the best people I’ve ever met” he had said

Roman had just smiled and laughed in return, knowing how awful he was to his other friends.

Roman didn’t say anything this time either, just shook his head.

“I hate him so much, Ro. He’s awful. He ruined everything. Logan hasn’t spoken to me in almost a year because of the shit he pulled before we graduated.”

Roman sighed, “I know, Virg…but he’s not necessarily known for being a good person, I thought you knew that” he says softly.

Virgil took a drag of his cigarette and breathed out, “obviously not.” He said a little annoyed.

Immediately he regretted it. “Sorry” he said, tapping his cigarette and letting the ashes fall.

Roman gave him a reassuring smile, “it’s okay”

Virgil put his cigarette on the concrete step they were sat on, getting rid of its light and throwing the butt into the grass. He put his head in his hands. “Life’s rough, man. I don’t even miss him anymore I’m just upset because he made me really, really happy. Sometimes…I feel like it’s my fault? for introducing him to Janus.”

“It’s not your fault at all. It’s his. Honestly? I don’t even know why he’s here. I didn’t invite him, someone else probably did.“ Roman says the last part sheepishly, a little ashamed that he let Janus in his house with his best friend that he hurt irreversibly.

Virgil turns to Roman, staring at him longingly in the eyes. They were beautiful. Hazel with green specks around the edges. Maybe it was the tequila, or his exhaustion, or his desperation to feel loved by someone, but he slowly moved a hand to Romans face.

“Can I?” He whispered

Roman looked at him for a moment, weighing his options. He did like Virgil, but what if he was doing this in a drunken haze? What if he was just using him to get over Logan? He didn’t believe he was truly over their relationship just yet.

Despite these fears, Roman shook his head and their lips locked. He let himself melt into it, let himself enjoy the moment. He tasted of alcohol, honey lavender tea, and Marlboro Reds.

After a moment, Virgil pulled away; A look of blissful happiness on his face.

Roman was still holding onto the moment, staring through Virgil.

He looked at him, worried. “oh god I’m so sorry did you not want—“

Roman interrupted him, “No! no I did..I really, really did.” He smiled, genuinely.

Virgil returned it, “That’s good.”

Roman paused for a second “so…does this mean we’re dating?..” he asked “cause you’re drunk and I just don’t want-“

Virgil took Romans hands in his. “I’m just a little tipsy, Honey, but I know what I want, and what I want is this.” he says gently.

“Okay.” Roman responds, hopeful.

“I’m gonna head home, alright? Text me, I’ll respond as soon as I can” Virgil says

“I will, love” he says. The nickname feels odd leaving his lips, especially being used on someone who’s been his friend for 22 years, but he says it anyway.

Virgil gets in his car and pauses.

Romans phone dings after a minute or two and he takes it out of his pocket, reading the message before watching Virgil’s car leave his driveway.

Virgil<3: “I promise I want this, and I want you. Some tequila and a little heartbreak doesn’t change that. 💜”

Roman smiles, puts his phone back in his pocket, and goes back inside.