#tw sick parent figure + tw sick parent when i was younger (sick-sick)

[onlythebravest]

-

[infernalodie]

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 || 𝐀𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐅𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐧

“𝘖𝘩, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘺 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘋𝘪𝘥 𝘐 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘴𝘪𝘨𝘯 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘎𝘰𝘥 𝘖𝘳 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘶𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘧𝘧? 𝘖𝘳 𝘮𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯 𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘯“

Inspo: Sleeping Token - The Summoning

Pairing: Amber Freeman x Black!Fem!reader

Summary: Your open invitation was like you were summoning her to a higher place...

Warnings: Smut, Dom!Amber Freeman, Sub!reader, knife play, praise kink (which is just Amber being disturbing), blood consumption, fingering, and oral.

Words: 1408

DNI IF YOU’RE YOUNGER THAN 18!

Amber’s dark eyes were solely zeroed in on you. Staring at you from the shadows across the street from your house. A perfect view of your window and you sitting at your desk. The faint sound of music able to be heard from the tiny opening of your window with you showing care for the possibility of people in the late hours of the night causing a fuss. But that was the last of everyone’s concern’s when it came to the recent murder’s happening in Woodsboro. Perhaps it was the fact that you knew none of the victims killed personally or you just weren’t scared. Whatever about it had caught Amber’s attention and left an unknowing bubbling in her stomach.

She’d had her eyes on you for a long time–way before she even talked to Richie. And she wouldn’t lie that you were just the perfect design for what she wanted from a companion. An innocent girl that was unaware of the danger lurking beyond the threshold of her front door.

God, the things she would do to you. The things she would do for you.

You had her body and occupied a large majority of her brain that wasn’t already corrupted by the idea of making the perfect stab movie. Because when she wasn’t planning on who to kill within her friend group, she was contemplating how good you would feel around her fingers. Wanting to hear the sweet moans fall from your lips, calling out her name in the darkness, and knowing that she could be the only one to make you feel complete.

Because Amber saw you as branches tangled in a flood. Unable to break free and be taken with the current. Only able to wrestle and worthlessly fight for something you had no control over. Amber was the flood and she wasn’t going to ever stop until she tasted you on her tongue.

Pulling her phone from her pocket, she dialled your phone number before pressing it to her ear. She watched you lift your head from your homework, smiling at your phone before placing it over your ear. “Hello. Amber.”

“Hello, you,” Amber said sweetly. “What are you doing tonight? I hope you’re inside after the shit that’s going on.”

She could hear you scoff and see you rise from your chair and move from her line of vision. “Parents put me on lockdown for the next few weeks until the Ghostface killer is caught,” you replied. “They have to take all my assignments in and then grab whatever is taught and then take what I would get to do in the class. Hell, who knows, maybe I am killed because I am just locked inside a house all day and night.”

Then there was a pause, one that was too eerie for you. And Amber waited, wanting to hear your voice. But what she got was the sight of your front door opening and your caramel skin in the moonlight. Legs exposed with black lace panties covering your glistening heat from the public. A large hoodie hiding enough to be desired for Amber’s eyes. But your gaze was focused in her direction, like a feline’s vision in the dark, you stared at her with a sly smirk etched across your lips.

“But you wouldn’t let that happen right, Amber?”

Amber couldn’t help but release a shaky exhale as her eyes under the Ghostface mask ran up your figure. The large expanse of the inside of each of your thighs and if she was correct, your bare chest that she would leave love bites all across. Already knowing what she wanted to do to you with your open invitation left for her.

And when she stepped out of the shadows, revealing herself as the killer, your lips widened in a sick and twisted grin. “Come and get me, Amber.”

You couldn’t move. You could only allow laboured and choke breaths to fall from your lips, restraining yourself from arching your back from the sinful tongue flicking over your clit. The cold chrome blade of her knife gently ran across your skin.

Its sleek texture and dangerous purpose rivalling your own. Because Amber would dare say that your body was better than any weapon capable of killing. You could bring her to her knees, worshipping the ground you walked on and the way your cunt felt against her lips. You were dangerous and she wanted every bit of you that she could get.

“Fuck.” Looking down with pants falling from your lips, you saw Amber already staring at you, kneeling at the edge of your bed with your legs hoisted over her shoulders. A twinkle in her eyes at the sight of your cloudy eyes. The blade stood between the two of you gently nipping at your flesh. “Fuck, Amber.”

The sound of her name on your tongue was enthralling as you gently pressed the knife further against your flesh until a small droplet of blood appeared. Her lips wrapped around your clit, sucking with her cheeks hollowing with your back arching, pushing further against the knife.

Whatever you were doing to Amber, it was working. If this was a way to bargain for safe passage from her murderous intent to make the next best Stab movie, she was going to spare you. Just as long as you allowed her to see you like this more often. Because the idea of cheating on her boyfriend to experience this heaven-sent sight was making it all worth it. She would kill for you. Deliver the body to your front step still warm if it meant tasting the divine gift you held.

Parting from your drenched cunt, Amber pressed her gloved fingers to your clit and traced rapid and pressured circles into the bundle of nerves. Kissing, sucking, and nipping at the insides of your thighs, listening to your moans fill the quiet and dark bedroom.

“How’d you know I was Ghostface?” She murmured, kissing around your cunt that squeezed around nothing.

A shaky laugh fell from your lips, it quickly being replaced by a whimper from the blade gently cutting your flesh. “You’re a Stab fanatic,” you stated. “I’ve seen your room and the posters. Wasn’t hard to connect the dots, sweetheart.”

Amber’s lips cut into a smirk, standing to her feet and leaning down, kissing your stomach. Her eyes flickered up at you as her wet tongue graced your skin. Trailing up your sweating flesh and taking the droplets of blood on her tongue and humming. So warm. So sweet.

“God, you’re a gift, baby.” Kissing your plump breasts, she wrapped her lips around your pebbled nipple. Feeling your hands reach up and grasp the back of her head, sighing in contentment as you pulled her closer. “I would love to see you covered in someone’s blood. That would be a perfect scene in a horror movie.”

You chewed on your bottom lip, unable to hide the soft rut of your hips, seeking more from the god-given woman above you. Well, she was the farthest from God and she had noticed your needy body. Smiling as she slid her fingers from your clit and to your entrance, pushing past the fluttering. Tilting her head up with an open-lipped smile as you inhaled sharply.

“So fucking hot,” she moaned, curling her fingers as she gently thrust her digits into you. “Squeezing on my fingers so nicely. You’re just a dirty slut for me, aren’t you?”

“Amber.” The knot in the bottom of your stomach was tangling and growing tighter. Unable to hide the writhing of your body as you grounder hips against the palm of her hand. The cool leather against your clit became the grounding you sought as the precipice of your dopamine shot you into cloud nine. And Amber watched your face twist in expressions of pleasure, choking on your moans and calls of her name as the walls of your pussy twitched and clenched around her. A beautiful feeling that she wanted to make sure no one would ever experience besides her.

Your hot pants fanned her face as your half-lidded eyes stared up at her. “Okay,” she breathed, lips twitching to a grin when your tongue flicked at her lips. Daringly challenging her to keep going, reminding her that you are someone she shouldn’t underestimate. You were a batch of surprises. “I think I’ll keep you as a little secret, sweetheart.”

[ratwife77]

Idk what to call this so I’ll just say unfortunately my favorite duo is Dallas and Darry (for the moment lol it changes every day)

Tw: suicide

Hope y’all enjoy, this is 1398 words, motivation goes brrrr

I only read through this once so hopefully it makes sense

He stepped out of Buck’s bar with two things on his mind: Advil, and a bite to eat. Last night was rougher than Dallas had expected, even for his first night out of the cooler. It was miserable in there, and he had to watch everything a little closer, eyes shifting more. Even if he didn’t want to, he behaved himself. He didn’t want to be there alone for long.

So when he got back, he drank enough to give himself a hangover. It wasn’t ideal, but he hadn’t been able to calm down, and it’d taken the edge off for a while. He walked a little quicker, intent on getting rid of the pounding in his skull. Soon enough, he saw the DX. Soda wasn’t there, and neither was Steve. It was Saturday, he guessed.

Licking his lips and wiping his clammy hands off on his roughed up jeans, he reached for the Advil. He realized he was worse off than he even felt when the pills began to rattle in his hand. Hastily, he steadied the hand with his other one. After he’d pocketed it and walked out, unnoticed by the cashier reading a magazine, he wiped the sweat off his forehead. Dallas cursed under his breath, hoping he wasn’t sick.

He’d been planning on seeing if some of the guys wanted to go see a race or catch a movie. When he was a block or so down the road, he pulled the medicine out and took one. Usually, he hated the bitter taste, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He continued to walk, then abruptly stopped, swaying on his feet. Dots of color flooded his vision, assaulting him as his ears rang. Despite that, he continued to walk, opting to head to the Curtises. He figured he wouldn’t make it to Buck’s.

When he got there, the headache had faded, but he felt pretty nauseous. Letting the screen door slam behind him, he walked in. It was pretty quiet for it being a Saturday. He called, “Anybody home?”

A voice that could’ve only been Darry’s replied, “Don’t slam the door! I’m in the kitchen!”

Even Darry didn’t tell Dallas what to do, but it was a reflexive statement. Dallas figured Ponyboy was asleep or something, and that was why Darry was keeping it quiet. Lately, he’d stuck to his room more, hiding away after his parents... He was strong, but he was sensitive, not rough. Dallas wasn’t sure if he hated that about him or if it was the better way to be. He only knew that he couldn’t stand to be that way.

Shaking the thoughts away and regretting the pain it caused him to move his head, he entered the kitchen. “Boy howdy, Darry, you look like you haven’t slept in a week!” In all honesty, he’d started to look like that more and more often. Not necessarily what a person looked like after an all nighter, with no bags under his eyes or sluggish movements. But shrugged shoulders and a defeated look- not the pride he had when he’d thought he was going to college. He didn’t look like himself, dressed in his clothes but also something else; a look of someone who was broken down, kicked about.

Darry shrugged, but his smile picked up a notch. Dallas wasn’t one for a polite greeting. “Thanks, Dally. Are you hurt real bad?” His eyebrows came together, and he looked the younger boy over.

“Just a…” he paused, shutting his eyes in pain but trying to put the smirk back up. Darry had his teeth clenched and his hand tapping the counter, hoping Dallas wasn’t as sick as he looked. “Headache, ‘s all. Mind if I lay over here?” Again, he wiped the sweat off his forehead and palms, trying to stop the shaking.

Darry didn’t call his shit, just nodding. Dallas was glad for that. Stalking back over to the crummy old couch, he laid down, honest to god thankful that he had a buddy that he could count on. It was better than loning it in jail, by a long shot. Slowly, he drifted off, able to sleep for what he assumed was an hour or so. He got up carefully, feeling somewhat better, but he smelled what he realized was spaghetti sauce cooking.

He’d slept all day.

The tow-headed boy made himself get up quickly, aggravated that he’d slept so long. He wasn’t necessarily productive on the daily, but he’d wasted all that time… he could’ve been hunting for action or something.

When he walked to the kitchen, meaning to leave, Darry regarded him with a lukewarm look. He was about to say he was gonna get going, not wanting to bum off of the already struggling Curtises too much, when Darry started talking.

“I reckon you should stay for dinner, Dally.” He smiled invitingly, and Dallas knew why the Curtis house was still a place they all came to. Darry was always there to take care of them. Even though he’d been around Darry for years, his throat went dry. He looked at the ground, then up at Darry again. His fists clenched, then unclenched, and the tightness in his face eased slightly.

“Alright, mom. I guess I ought to.” He shrugged Darry off, his eyes saying the thanks that he failed to verbalize. He ran a hand through his hair halfheartedly, taking care of some of the knots. Hardly awake, still, he nearly ran into Pony. “You’re so short, couldn’t see ya’, kid,” he said, chuckling and ruffling his hair.

Ponyboy shook his head, halfway grinning and half angry. He hated when people picked at him for being smaller or younger or whatever. Dallas eased up on him. “I’m just kidding, jeez.” He raised his hands in mock surrender. He guessed that Pony wasn’t having a good day today, because he just brushed him off and didn’t say anything much, just a quick quip.

There wasn’t much going on, so he lit a smoke and turned some show on, not really paying attention to it. Darry must’ve not smelled it, because he didn’t say anything.

Dallas felt something awful in his gut when he thought about that. He wasn’t trying to be an asshole. It was just…

He stopped thinking about it, resting his feet on the coffee table. His head was starting to hurt again, and so was his stomach. All he could do was shut his eyes, putting his cigarette out. The smoke had been making it worse. He was glad nobody was home except Darry and Pony, because he knew Darry wouldn’t blab and Pony wasn’t in a state to notice.

Soon enough, Darry called that dinner was ready.

He couldn’t quite get there in one go, a sudden burst of light in his vision. He mumbled curses, but got to the table. Darry pretended not to notice his state, knowing it might set him off if he prodded. They were careful about each other, and that bothered him, somewhere down in his stomach. But he took a bite.

The warmth of it surprised him, and it made him realize how hungry he really was. He hadn’t eaten since.. lunch, yesterday. Damn.

He ate pretty quickly, but didn’t get seconds. He’d taken enough. Darry opened his mouth to protest, but Dallas interrupted. He was feeling a little better, anyway.

“I’m not really hungry. Thanks, Superman. I’m gonna get going.” Darry might’ve argued, but he let it go. Maybe he was feeling the strain on his wallet.

Or, Dallas thought he did. “Dally, we’re here whenever you need.” His eyes widened. Darry meant every word he said, he wasn’t a liar.

“Yeah.” He nodded, setting his plate in the soapy water of the sink.

He needed the gang, and they needed him.

Maybe that was why he was punching in the Curtises number, with shaking hands and teary eyes. “I need to hide from the fuzz.”

Johnny was dead and nothing was right and- soon enough, he saw the lights of a police car flashing. He heard 5 people’s desperate footsteps. But most of all, he felt a hole that’d never be filled inside of him- maybe a hole that’d always been there, just growing to a full chasm inside him that night.

That empty space, that void, could be fixed permanently with a bullet.

[randomfanficsig]

“I was 15”

Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Summary: You were interrogating your unsub who raped and murdered 7 teenage girls, until it gets to personal for you and Reid has to physically pull you out the room. The team soon learns a lot about your past.

Tw: mentione of rape, sexual abuse from parent. Mentions of murder. Teenagers.

—— ——

“They were 15 years old!” You shouted at the criminal sat in-front of you, trying your absolute best to hold back tears.

He simply just stared at you with a sadistic smile. It wasn’t hard to figure out what he was thinking and that truly made you sick to your stomach.

“15.They were 15. And you degraded them and took away all their innocence and control” you began shouting again, tears streaming down your face.

Reid, Morgan and Hotchner all sat behind the glass, questioning looks on their faces. Why was this so personal to you?

Once again, the unsub stayed quiet, same nasty smile on his face. Now was the time to try and hit a nerve.

You walk round behind him. “Was it because you couldn’t get laid when you were younger or because you were so weird to the other kids? Or maybe it was the fact you could never get it up?”

His face dropped, anger taking over.

“Did I hit a nerve there? Did I hurt your itty bitty feelings?” You mimick with a teasy babyish tone.

He stares at you, the smile back on his face. “And if you were 15, I would do the exact same to you, listening to how you’d beg for me to stop, how tears would run down your face just like theirs did. God they felt so good” his laugh makes you feel sick, bringing bile to your throat. “Maybe I’d even slit your throat just like I did theirs” he finishes.

Anger quickly took over, causing you to smash his head directly into the metal table, and wave of satisfaction hitting you as you listen to his nose crack under the pressure.

“THEY WERE 15 YEARS OLD. 15! YOU TOOK THERE LIVES FROM THEM. THEY HAD DREAMS,ASPIRATIONS AND YOU CRUSHED THEM UNDER YOUR FEET LIKE A CIGARETTE. I HOPE YOU ROT IN HELL!” You screamed at him, tears uncontrollably streaming down your face.

You didn’t even notice Reid and Morgan come into the room, until a pair of skinny arms wrapped around your waist and pulled you out the room.

“THEY WERE 15! I WAS 15!” You cried to Spencer, bashing your fists into his chest. He quickly grabs your wrists stopping your outburst of anger .

Next thing you know, his arms are wrapped around you, one holding your head into his chest the other around your biceps, holding you in place while you broke down in his arms. He just holds you, comforting you.

Derek walks out the interrogation room, heading to Penelope.

————

“Hey baby cakes” Derek starts, walking into Penelope’s office. “I need you to do a favour for me”

“Of course hot thing, what is it?” She quickly replies, playing into Dereks flirty behaviour.

“I need you to look into y/n’s past for me”

Garcia quickly looks up at him. “What happened to not profiling or not digging into each others pasts”

“I know baby, but this is really important”

With hesitation, she turns to her computers, typing magic into the keyboard. Not long after, a gasp leaves her mouth.

“Y/n y/l/n, raped at 15 by her father. Sexually abused from the moment she hit puberty. Sent into the system after her father died of ‘unknown reasons’. Mother died during child birth, meaning she was never around.” Garcia repeats from the screen. “Not my y/n, I love that girl” she finished looking back at Derek.

He leaves the room as quickly as he came in, this time anger filling his veins.

“Hotch, i need a word” he demands, walking into Aaron’s office.

Aaron looks back at him knowingly. “I already know, Garcia just sent over the report”

They both walk out, heading over to west Spencer and you stand. Derek joining in on the hug, not long followed by Aaron, which is a surprise as he doesn’t hug.

Penelope soon joins. “We love you y/n you know that right?”

You look up at them all. “You know don’t you?” You question, tears staring up again.

Your questioned was answered by the sympathetic looks starring at you.

“It started after I got my first period; the touches, the groping, the walking in on me while i showered. It only got worse as I developed more. He constantly made me try on bras to ‘make sure they fit correctly’ while he watched. My own father” you began explaining. “And not long after my 15th birthday, his best-friend, someone i considered my uncle, took me out for a ‘late birthday day dinner’ but ended up raping me in his car in an empty parking lot.” You continued explaining. “When I was 17 my dad and his best-friend killed them selves, but it was ruled out as unknown circumstances” you finally finished, the tears much more heavier this time.

Everyone hugged you again.

“I love you all, I really do” you stated one last time.

They all simultaneously tightened the hug; and that’s when you knew you found the family you always wanted.

————

[shion-yu]

Day 23: Under a Spell

It's been a long minute, but finally adding an installment to Shu and Julian’s Sick Love AU verse for @sicktember by request. 2,500 words. Please remember this is the ONLY M-rated series I have on my blog, with TWs for severe medical abuse and manipulation by a doctor for his own pleasure! 

Control was something that Julian had always craved. When he was younger it was control over his home situation during his parents’ divorce; later it morphed into needing to be in control over his career and his patients’ lives. Now, it was Shu. 

Julian wanted to know every single working of Shu’s body, like it was something he could map out to complete accuracy. Of course he knew this wasn’t possible, but being a doctor, he got as close as he could to understanding each pathway inside of Shu. He had Shu’s inner workings down to the science of cells and energy. Each time he inoculated Shu with a new virus, he spent hours imagining the science of it all. He wished he could see the literal mechanism of each illness taking hold of his boyfriend. He wanted to be able to watch the invasion of each strain into Shu’s body, see his immune system fail again and again in containing the rapidly multiplying pathogenic load and then causing the physical responses that he loved to watch from the outside, too.

In the beginning it was only basic maladies that Julian could easily find in the lab: flu, RSV, strep, the common cold. Whatever was flooding the ER and infecting half of New York that week, Shu caught it too. Julian knew the workings of all of these, and he enjoyed plotting the course of Shu’s impending illness almost as much as seeing it present itself in reality. But after a while, Julian grew bored. He wanted a challenge that would cause less straightforward pathways and more fascinating puzzles for him to figure out. Most of all, he wanted to see the level of intensity of these illnesses increase. 

Shu’s now much weakened body made certain things possible that hadn’t been before. His immune system was destroyed, meaning Shu was now highly susceptible to less common, opportunistic infections. Legionnaires, mycobacterium strains, and pseudomonas were all potentially intriguing options, but after Shu had had a seizure Julian worried about going too far with one of those. He didn’t want Shu to become a vegetable, or worse die. That wasn’t part of his plan, and the unexpectedness of the seizure had honestly scared him into taking a several weeks long break to let Shu recover.

Now, though, Shu was talking about returning to work. It had only been a month since he’d been feeling better, but the man was frustratingly independent when it came to his career. Julian had barely let Shu leave the house since his seizure, telling Shu he was too delicate to risk it, but he could see Shu had become bored. He talked of getting a work from home job, as if perhaps it were something he could swing even when he wasn’t feeling well. Julian knew that even a remote job would consume Shu’s mind far too much though. Considering this, the fact that Julian felt Shu’s body was finally strong enough to bear another round of illness, and his own desire to once again take care of the person who he yearned to see suffer the most, Julian decided it was high time to bring something new home. 

After much contemplation on what to bring home, Julian settled on streptococcous pneumoniae in the form of aerosolized exposure to pneumococcal pneumonia. He chose to do this via contamination of the humidifier in their bedroom, done directly before he left for a twelve hours shift and before Shu had stirred for the morning. Julian had long ago installed an intense air purifying system that would cycle and clean the air every hour, so between that and vaccination Julian’s own risk would be minimal by the time he returned from work. Pnuemococcal was something Shu had been also vaccinated for, but Julian felt confident that Shu’s weakened immune system wouldn’t be able to handle the bacteria when introduced so directly. The interesting part would be to see how ill Shu became. Julian was hoping for something mild enough that it wouldn’t worry Julian, but severe enough that it would most certainly worry Shu and knock all thoughts of returning to work out of his head. A bout of pneumonia, Julian figured, would be perfect. And if it became too severe, he already knew which specific antibiotic to give Shu to cure him. 

He introduced the bacteria on a Monday morning, and by Tuesday evening Shu was clearly not feeling well. His face was pale and he went to bed early, turning down Julian’s offer to watch a movie. Shortly before midnight he ran a high fever. Julian had been anticipating this eagerly and purposely woke Shu once he knew consciousness would undoubtedly reveal sure signs of illness to Shu even if he was in denial.

“Darling,” he said gently, stroking Shu’s hot cheeks to wake him. Shu moaned and Julian shook his shoulder. “Shu, honey, I think you have a fever.”

As soon as Shu left the bliss of deep sleep, his jaw began to quiver and he was overtaken by a violent bout of chills. His teeth clattered together and he opened his eyes, bleary and his body confused by the pain it was coming into. “J-Julie?” He said weakly. He let out another low groan as he realized he was in the all too familiar and unpleasant state that came with a fever. “Oh, no.”

“I’m afraid you've caught something dreadful again,” Julian said delicately, a convincing look of sympathy on his face. Shu’s whole body shook and Julian pulled him closer, knowing Shu must be freezing. “My poor Shu.”

“How?” Shu whimpered, finding it difficult to talk through his chattering teeth. “I-I haven’t left the house, barely.”

Julian ran his fingers through Shu’s hair, knowing Shu liked the feeling of his cold fingers against his hot and prickly scalp. “I know. Your body is weak though. It can’t fight off even the most minor of germs. I told you you had to be extra careful.”

“I thought I was doing better,” Shu said, teary eyed and defeated as he nestled helplessly into Julian’s embrace. He had one fist clenched against his chest, and Julian knew Shu’s it must be aching. He imagined the thousands of alveoli in Shu’s inflamed lungs rapidly filling with infected pus, causing pain and a struggle to breathe. Shu’s body was releasing floods of cytokines to his brain, his white blood cells in overdrive as they tried to contain the illness by way of cranking up the heat. Each additional tenth of a degree put more and more strain on Shu’s heart and circulation, which in turn caused the rapid heart rate that Julian could feel as he palpated Shu’s radial artery. Each thump felt desperate. For Julian it was exhilarating. It had been too long.

Of course, Julian did not let his true feelings show. It was relatively easy to express the energy of his excitement as what appeared to be worry as he mopped Shu’s brow with a wet cloth and took Shu’s temperature. “I’m so sorry,” he crooned to his ailing partner. “You’ll be just fine. I’m going to take care of you.”

Shu nodded helplessly. What else could he do? Nothing. Just let Julian take care of him, as he had constantly over the past year. He couldn't rely on his own body - only on Julian.

Shu’s temperature was 103, but it peaked at nearly 104 the second night. His chest hurt and he couldn't breathe in without it burning, leaving him to suck in small, panting gasps. His whole body throbbed in pain, and he was too weak to even get to the bathroom by himself. The small amount of confidence he'd gained back during his short period of recovery quickly drained away along with his hopes for a return to work, just as Julian had planned.

Julian was always nearby, patient and gentle just as he had been all the other times. Shu tried to lift a glass of water to his lips and found himself too weak to do so, nearly spilling it on himself before Julian held it up for him and tilted the liquid so that Shu could drink. Shu took a few sips before pushing it away, coughing wetly. Each cough felt like imagined rubber bands slapping against his lungs. 

“It hurts,” he whimpered. He was practically begging for Julian to make it better by the tone of his voice, not that he knew what could be done. 

Julian put the glass of water aside and held him. “Where does it hurt? Tell me,” he said. 

“My chest,” Shu shivered. “My head. Everywhere.”

“I’m so sorry. You're going to feel better soon,” Julian told him. He sounded so tender yet confident. Shu yearned to believe him. Just like Shu believed Julian when Julian told him it was likely viral pneumonia - he could hear it from his chest, Julian said, and there was no need to go in for x-rays or testing yet. “Do you want to try a bath? I’ll carry you, if you want to.”

“No,” Shu whispered miserably. The baths helped sometimes, but couldn't even imagine how icy even lukewarm water would feel right now. Julian had already given him Tylenol, steroids and a nebulizer treatment, but none had helped. He would just have to wait it out and tell himself - practically begging to whatever entity might possibly be listening - that it would be over soon.

Of course to Julian, he knew none of the things he was giving Shu would help. The illness was bacterial, and he planned on quietly introducing penicillin only once he himself determined that Shu’s lungs would have reached their limit for needing treatment. At that point he would give Shu an IV and claim it was fluids for hydration. The Tylenol, oral steroids and nebulizer treatments certainly wouldn't help much in the meantime either - Julian was administering Shu sugar pills and infant doses of the nebulizer treatments. The concentration of medication to saline in the suspensions he emptied into the nebulizer was very much for show; they were strong enough only for Shu to taste there was something going in, regardless of how unhelpful they were in reality. He was sure to give Shu these breathing treatments every four hours on the dot, ever the dutiful caretaker. 

Shu’s cough continued to worsen. It sounded terribly wet, and felt worse. He filled tissues with thick, dark phlegm and practically lost his voice from the strain on his throat. Sometimes these fits were so long that he would vomit, or his lips would turn dusky purple as he struggled to obtain enough oxygen during these terrible spasms. At night Julian sat behind Shu and held him up as he struggled to stay conscious during his breathing treatments. Julian held the mouthpiece for him and uttered words of comfort - that he was so strong, and special to Julian, and it would be okay. Those words were all Shu had to hang on to.

“You need to go to work,” Shu told Julian feebly. He didn’t want to be alone, but Julian had already missed so many days on his account over the past year. “I can call my mom.”

“She doesn’t know how to take care of you like I do,” Julian shot this down immediately. “You need more than soup and tea. I’m not going anywhere.”

True to his word, Julian barely left the bedroom as Shu struggled through his illness. Whenever he woke, he only needed to look around for a few seconds before locating Julian’s omnipresent figure. “Julie,” Shu would call for him weakly. Each time he woke up, he felt so horrible that he wished he hadn’t. “It hurts.”

“I know,” Julian shushed him. “It’s okay. I know.”

He did know. He knew exactly how sick Shu was, how the bacterial infection was moving very quickly and soon, if he didn’t administer the proper antibiotics, Shu would develop sepsis. He knew Shu hated the hospital, and he preferred to take care of Shu here in their home. For the sake of being realistic, though, he told Shu, “I think we need to get you to a hospital,” after a particularly long and painful coughing fit. 

“Please no,” Shu groaned. “Can’t you treat me here? I don’t want to go.”

Julian had to force himself not to smile. It was one of his greatest pleasures when Shu seemed to believe Julian could do anything. “Okay. I’ll try,” he said earnestly. Then he skillfully inserted an IV in Shu’s AC and ran fluids with a piggyback of penicillin. Even though he was underdosing Shu, the difference was rapid. Shu responded to the antibiotics and fluids, his fever dropping to a much more tolerable 101 range by the next morning. 

The cough was still especially painful for Shu though. Julian closed his eyes and listened to the hacking sound, rubbing Shu’s back and letting the vibrations of Shu’s efforts travel down his own arm. Shu was on his hands and knees in bed, gasping for air. “I can't breathe,” he managed to croak, barely understandable as he choked on the words and continued to cough. 

“Let’s try another breathing treatment,” Julian said. “And if it doesn't help, I’ll give you some extra steroids.” This time he set Shu up with an actual adult dose of medication to inhale, and lo and behold, another miracle. Shu lay bonelessly against Julian’s chest afterwards, exhausted and finally able to rest now that he wasn't exerting all of his effort into sucking in oxygen. 

Julian stroked his hair, his fingers tingling as they made contact with Shu’s hot scalp. The fever, although no longer critical, was still more than obvious. He could feel Shu’s hot puffs of breath on his bare shoulder. “You’re doing so well,” Julian crooned to him. “Don't worry about anything.” 

“I’m so tired,” Shu whispered. “What if it's always like this?”

Julian knew Shu didn't just mean this one illness. He meant the entire state of his life: the weakness. The fragile immune system. Being unable to work. It was a nightmare for Shu, whose self pride was so intertwined in his ability to be a productive citizen. But what Shu didn't know was Julian preferred him as he was: helpless and begging for Julian to save him. Julian got off on being the hero for Shu again and again, and he knew he wouldn't ever grow tired of it. He’d give Shu breaks, but it was always going to be like this if Julian had any say in the matter. Julian had never been happier.

“I’ll take care of you,” Julian said confidently. “I promise. You have nothing to worry about.”

Shu hid his face in Julian’s chest. Julian could feel the dampness of tears against his skin. “I’m sorry,” Shu said.

“Don't apologize,” Julian told him. “You’re the only one for me. I love you no matter how you are.”

But especially like this.

[devynshaw]

About // Pinterest // Timeline // Connections

General Info

Name: Devyn Shaw Nickname: Dev, Shaw Age: 28 Gender & Pronouns: Cis Female, She/Her Home: District 3 Role: Tribute for the 75th Hunger Games Personality Traits: Adroit, Observant, Charming, Headstrong, Blunt, Impulsive Song: Church by Aly & AJ

Character Biography

tw: parent death Devyn was born a year before her younger brother, Luke. Their mother stayed home with them and looked after them, making sure that their lives were happy and safe despite the living conditions for the poorer citizens of District Three. Even though their mother was looking out for them, Devyn felt an obligation to look after Luke. She would stand up for him if kids ever picked on him, and even included him when she would hang out with her friends. Despite her lack of height, Devyn was a tough kid. She was more than happy to challenge bullies twice her size to protect Luke or her friends. Of course that got her in some trouble at school on top of tendencies to be listless in some of her classes. It didn’t mean she lacked the intelligence; Devyn was very smart. She was only motivated when something sparked her interest. And when it came to helping Luke with his work, a lot of Devyn’s lessons ran along the lines of “do as I say, not as I do”. Devyn wanted to be just as present in Luke’s life as their mother was, because their father sure as hell wasn’t around. Had she not seen him once or twice when they were younger, Devyn never would have known who her father was. Whenever Luke asked about him, their mother would fumble through an answer, or a false promise that he would come home someday. Devyn, however, knew better than to believe those lies. As far as she was concerned, he was dead to her, especially when she heard their mother crying quietly to herself when she was sure she was alone in their small home. One day when the kids had come home from school, they found their mother collapsed on the floor. An illness she had been dealing with for months finally caught up with her and was killing her. Devyn and Luke tried to get in touch with their father, getting help from family friends and their mother herself. At first Devyn was adamant about not going to her father, but Luke had been the one to convince her to try and contact their dad. They didn’t have anyone else to reach out to. But none of their messages were answered. Devyn took up the mantle of guardian, looking after both Luke and their mother up until the sickness took her and she passed away. Having to watch her mother die and getting no answer despite her reluctance to reach out to her father, Devyn’s burning resentment for their father grew. A friend of their mother’s, a woman named Astrid, took the kids in and watched over them as they grew up. Astrid quickly became a respected parental figure for Devyn and Luke. She ran a repair shop with her husband, Curtis, that the Shaw kids worked in. Astrid was firm yet kind, and she taught the siblings discipline and how to think for themselves. A lot of that stemmed from her distain for The Capitol and The Games, which Devyn already had growing up. Watching people getting called for the slaughter tended to instill fear and anger in people, yet many of them were too scared to rebel. And for good reason; The Capitol was not afraid to show its power over the citizens of District Three. Not to mention The Hunger Games taking place every year to quell any sort of resistance. Devyn hated watching neighbors and friends have their lives destroyed in seeing friends and family going into The Games and never come back home. Devyn’s biggest fear was Luke’s name being drawn for The Games and she wouldn’t be able to protect him. They both thought they had managed to evade it by aging out of the Reaping pool, lived under the ignorant assumption that they would lead quiet lives in District Three. But then, Snow changed the rules of the Quarter Quell and Devyn Shaw was named one of the Tributes for the 75th Hunger Games. The only solace she had was that Luke’s name had not been called, but she was still going into The Games. While she did have fight in her, Devyn carried the weight of the sinking dread that there was a very good chance she was not going to make it back home. But that didn’t mean she wouldn’t try. She had to, for Luke.

[emcant]

Really sick reason to be happy but I can't stop smiling

TW/CW child abuse, mental illness, SH

One of my aunts calls our family "yours, mine, and ours", which is accurate. We've got me, my (step)brother, my dad, my stepmom, and my (half)sister. My brother is seven weeks younger than I am. Our parents got together when we were around four- "work spouses" who were both recently divorced- and our little sister came a few years later.

My bio mom and my brother's bio dad are a mess, somewhere between incapable and unwilling to parent full time. I've been in therapy off and on for most of my life and got my C-PTSD diagnosis at 15. My brother, god love him, just reached his first year of sobriety, having started drinking around the same age.

Naturally, every time we had a chance to say "This isn't normal" to our shared folks, we'd be told "Well of course you'd think that, you're used to your other parent!". The other person was a shovel used for digs: "This isn't their house!". They'd call me by my mom's name when I made them upset.

I assumed I was broken either because of my mom or because of the split. I can't know for certain, of course, but I think the cause of the C-PTSD was specifically that they traded custody daily, at my mom's request, until she moved out of state. She gives the silent treatment. My stepmom screams. The rules changed on me literally every 24 hours until I was 13.

Life evened out a lot when she did move away - but not entirely. I wound up in screamland 90% of the time rather than 50. I couldn't figure out why it didn't feel right or why it kept happening to me, but I believed my folks: I wasn't used to it because my mom's "parenting" is different and worse. I felt sickened to be involved with my mom at all. I thought that if only she wasn't waiting in the wings, I'd be entitled to a normal childhood, but because of her influence, I deserved everything I got.

Anyway, I have been texting my little sister about Christmas gifts for our brother, and out of nowhere, earlier this week, she tells me she's going to therapy for the first time... because she's realized it's not normal for your mom to scream at you literally all day and your dad to not intervene.

I haven't been home for more than three days since I moved out over a decade ago. I had a chance to pass through the town earlier this year, didn't do it, and still had panic attacks for two weeks straight. I can't hack it as someone's daughter; it makes me physically sick.

But that isn't a me problem.

Not a one of them could hack it as parents.

I've stopped hearing my mother's doubts in my head - I cut her off when I moved away. I've never been quite able to shut off my stepmom's. The screamer versus the silence... it fits.

I'm not a poser if I can't create when I don't have a comfortable space to work. I should not self-reject because I'm frightened. In the absence of an abuser, I'm finding that holding ideas in also hurts a lot.

I'm not stupid or useless or gearing up to be a failure for needing the introvert rest period and knowing my limits. It will not hold me back in life.

It isn't normal to want to hurt yourself. It isn't normal for people to laugh it off and talk about themselves when you tell them you want to hurt yourself.

The mandatory insincerity I grew up around has thankfully faded a lot - I don't think I could summarize that anymore if I tried.

I'm heartbroken that my little sister is going to need to learn these things - but ecstatic that she will, and is actively moving towards it. Had a similar conversation with our brother a few years ago, but of course, he has his dad in the wings; it hits differently now knowing that it would have happened no matter what. Children in that home are screamed at, hit, and not defended. Simple as.

I'm not what they wanted me to be.

I'd say that's "fine" but that doesn't even begin to cover it. It's exemplary.

[traumaqueenie]

Welp. I’ve been playing some Red Dead Redemption II these last few days, and of course I ended up thinking about Maddy in that setting! So, here’s soft of a BG for Maddy in the RDR verse

TW: child abuse, SA, misogyny, dead parents

It sort of follows the same BG as seen in her main verse. However, her grandparents on her father's side are no longer alive. Her father's side of the family is still filthy rich, having made a fortune owning slaves back then. After Ben was disowned by his family for marrying well below his social standing all the money went to Isaak and he took over the family's old estate. When Maddy is born her mother dies shortly after from complications, leaving Ben alone with his infant daughter. 

Time goes by and when Maddy turns 7 her father gets the consumption and ends up passing away. Maddy is now alone that is until her estranged uncle so 'graciously' agrees to take her in. Living with him is hell and she hates every moment of it. During her younger years, she's supposed to be seen and not heard, garnering admiration from people around him who praise him for his 'grand gesture' and 'good heart'. 

Behind the closed doors, she's mistreated and beaten often as Isaak sees too much of his hated brother in her. As she grows into a young woman he becomes inappropriate with her, and the abuse worsens until one day when she manages to escape. He kept her locked in the house, again using her as a means for his own sick fantasies and showing off how proper of a young lady she's become under his care. Maddy manages to steal some money from Isaak and run away from the abuse. 

She flees as far away as possible, looking to start a new life where no one knows who she is and where her uncle can't find her. She tries looking for work to keep herself sustained, and an old physician ends up taking her in. he's like a grandfather to her, kind, patient, and understanding and adores the young woman. He teaches her what he knows and urges her to become a physician herself.

Maddy does end up applying to several colleges, but no one wants to take her in. She's a woman after all! However, she's determined to succeed. She changes her tactics and applies to smaller less prestigious colleges in hopes of getting into one. It pays off! A single acceptance letter arrives. She goes to New York to study, and while studying medicine she's scrutinized for being a woman, but her determination and drive change the mind of many of her peers. 

She manages to get her degree and moves away, always keeping in contact with the kind old physician. She sends him money and writes to him pretty much daily. He's the closest to a farther-figure in her life, besides her own dad. Maddy ends up starting her own small practice that aims to help poor women and children, who otherwise wouldn't be able to afford medical help. This also means prostitutes and the likes. Women who have suffered by the hands of men, and who have nowhere else to turn to for help.

[mochafoams]

SCHOOL VENTING!!

Tw: venting, mentions of being/feeling trapped, naive writer, rejecting ones feelings, rejecting their own feelings, deep talk of hating school, mention of getting someone sick on purpose, cussing.

Written with microphone, so many grammar mistakes. Crappy mic..

Why do I hate school? That's a question that I ask myself, and I can never figure out why. I just have a feeling, a dreadful feeling every time when I walk into the building. I feel trapped because I am. People say that it's just a certain amount of days to stay there but it feels like an eternity. It's usually, like, 36 hours staying there for a whole week.

And I try to downplay it like everyone else does but it doesn't sit right with me because I don't want to be there. Teachers say "if you don't want to be here go home," but the government won't let our parents keep us there and our parents won't let us stay here. Of course it's difficult for parents or teachers to understand how kids really don't want to be at school and that their minds feel like they're trapped, even though they say, "oh yeah I used to go to school when I was younger," but this now the present.

You guys can't get mad at me when I feel like I do enough at school. Yeah all I do is homework and the school work that they give me, but that's what I'm going there for. I'm not going there for like an after-school program, I'm not going there to talk to a counselor for no reason, and I'm definitely not going there for no reason in general!

And I almost- I almost come home everyday with f****** math homework so I am doing enough! It's not like I don't have classwork to do, I always get my work done quickly because I don't want to have to sit at home and drag school into my home life. I don't care if you say homework is for home I'll do it whenever I get the chance. I will take my lunch break away from myself and do homework then because I will not bring it to the only place I have a little bit of comfort in.

And I try my best in school. I'm being serious I get- I have credit roll and I'm going for Honor Roll. I'm trying even though I hate school so much but I am trying to be the best student there possibly is! Well I wouldn't say that I want to go that far but I'm trying my best and you guys always just deny my feelings whenever I say something negative about school. My whole mood will change when you just say, "you have your stuff ready for school tomorrow?" Or, "remember you have school tomorrow?" I will never be the same after you say those words or something related to school it just messes me up that bad.

I don't get bullied or anything in school it's just a school air that brings negative energy to me. Just going to bed and knowing that I have to wake up at 7:40 a.m. in the morning to get up and go to school before 8:30 or 8:45 just puts me in a bad mood. And I know people have to wake up earlier for school or work and 7:40 doesn't sound that bad, and I really don't care about what time I need to get up and leave.

But if I try to get myself sick so I don't have to go to school, you should know how much I hate it.

[yannowhatigiveup]

T.W.A.A: The Eccedentesiast

This is a one shot I started last night and I finished it at around 2 am because I’m an insomniac. Sadly this isn’t the 10k+ word one shot I was talking about (I’m still writing it aaa) but this one is around 4-5k words long so I hope you enjoy. This is rushed, badly written, badly plotted and badly named.

TW: Dark topics such as sexual assault and suicide is mentioned in this piece of writing.

Paris, the City of Love, what a big misconception that was. If anything, Paris should've been labeled as the City of Misery considering the fact it was haunted by a villain who preyed on negative emotions. No one outside of Paris knew though, they were oblivious to the fact hundreds, thousands even millions had died in the city home to the Eiffel Tower, only to be resurrected and tormented with the memories of their death. It was worse for Marinette though, she had watched all the citizens, her beloved citizens, die before her eyes and she was powerless to help them. Their screams of anguish and cries of pain forever ghosted her nightmares. It wasn't just their blood that she drowned in, she was bullied, abused and betrayed in her civilian form by those she trusted the most.

Her classmates. She thought she could trust them but they left her for someone shinier and newer. They all hurt her, destroyed her hard work, verbally and physically bullied her. Nino and Kim, her childhood friends had turned their backs on her too, even joining the others in causing her physical and emotional pain. Alya, her best friend, had become her main abuser. The reporter stabbed the poor bluenette in the back, figuratively. Lila was the one who did it literally. Lila, the sound of the name itself made Marinette sick, after all, the brunette was the one who did this to her. She made her friends turn their backs on her, she made them abuse her and she only watched with fake crocodile tears and a smug smile when no one was looking. And Adrien, he was the worst of all. When Marinette was younger, Adrien was the embodiment of perfection. But now? All she could see was a spineless coward and a predator.

As Chat Noir, he wouldn't participate in the battles, only flirting with her hero persona. He would whine like a toddler when she rejected his advancements. Even when he did join in the battles, he was useless, ignoring anything that Ladybug would tell him and go straight for the kill which never worked. Chat Noir was incompetent and a sexual harasser. As Adrien, however, he was much more. Just two days ago, he had tried to sexually assault the young bluenette. The blonde had underestimated the girl and she managed to get away but nothing could erase her memory of the event.

The ultimatum Lila had delivered to Marinette when she thirteen seemed over-dramatic and seemingly impossible at the time. Yet three years later, she was at the point of no return. Her classmates, her friends, her teachers, the boy she once loved, her partner, her parents. They all left her. Mayor Bourgeois, fearing for his daughter's safety, had sent Chloe to New York with her mother. Luka was on tour with his father so they could build a better relationship. Kagami had a family affair back in Japan that would last for at least a month. She was truly alone. Her parents had fallen victim to Lila's lies and Marinette overheard them discussing about kicking her out. The only one by her side throughout the whole ordeal was Tikki, her beloved kwami. Even Master Fu had to leave her.

Marinette felt shut out by the rest of the world. Sure, Paris adored Ladybug but it felt different. She was fighting battles alone, she stood as the last survivor, the last protector of Paris. She took that title in stride, or that's what the Parisians thought. In reality, she was hiding behind a mask.

The bluenette had suffered endlessly for years, she was ready to break that cycle of torture. Yesterday, she came to the solid conclusion of who Hawkmoth was, who is accomplices were and what his motive was. Gabriel Agreste was the man behind Paris' torment, Nathalie Sancœr was one of his accomplices and so was Lila Rossi. For his motive, he wanted to bring his wife back. Marinette understood the pain he was in but she wouldn't go to such extreme lengths as he did. Many years ago, Marinette made a friend, one of her very best friends who she fell for. But she never told anyone who he was, where he came from or even the fact that she met someone. The reason behind this was the fact she witnessed his murder. That death, of all she witnessed, was the most heartbreaking. Even when all these years have passed, she never truly got over his death. His green eyes always lingered her mind.

The bluenette let out an anguished sigh, she was on the Eiffel Tower, admiring the city's skyline despite all its obvious flaws under close inspection. Though Marinette had drastically mentally changed, she would always put on the same mask, she would always portray herself as a regular school girl. This was the one time she felt a little peace in her chaotic excuse for a life. Her blue eyes stared off into the distance, focusing on nothing in particular when she heard footsteps coming from behind. In her peripheral vision, Marinette could see the figure of Gabriel Agreste slowly approaching. Not wanting anything to happen, she made her knowledge of her appearance known.

"I never expected to see you somewhere so public, Monsieur Agreste" Her voice remained neutral. Gabriel didn't flinch meaning that he had expected her to sense his arrival, it made the young girl slightly unnerved but she refused to show it.

"The Eiffel Tower holds the greatest inspiration, as a designer yourself I'm sure you are aware" Marinette was used to his cold voice by now, she kept her guard up reminding herself that this was Hawkmoth was standing a few feet away.

She hummed, putting the two miraculous users in a deathly silence, until she decided to break it. "You know, you could've just asked" The older man raised an eyebrow in confusion but Marinette never looked in his direction, "It would've saved a lot of bloodshed"

Gabriel managed to catch up with what she was saying. "Are you implying that I am Hawkmoth?" He didn't sound offended or defensive, merely curious.

"I'm not implying anything" She replied curtly, then turning to face him. "I am merely stating a fact"

The miraculous user turned away from her, focusing his gaze on the city's skyline once more. "What are you going to do with this knowledge?"

The question confused Marinette, surely he would've attacked her or try to get her to remain silent?

He must've noticed her confusion. "Even if you wanted to, you wouldn't say anything"

Marinette turned her full body towards the taller man, she was going to end Hawkmoth's reign as quickly as she could. "I can heal her"

"What?"

"I can heal her" The bluenette repeated. "Emilie"

Gabriel also turned to face her, his usual cold scowl was replaced with a staggered expression. "Y-you can? Even after all I've done as Hawkmoth?"

Her head twisted back to portrait that was Paris. "To end it all, yes I will"

"Then please, follow me and I promise I will give you my miraculous as well as Mayura's. Just, heal my wife please" His tone changed from intrigued to pleading, Marinette could see that he meant every word.

"Oh don't worry... I will"

~~~

"I did it!" Tim's voice echoed in the Batcave.

"Did what replacement?"

"I found Hawkmoth's identity!"

Around three months ago, Wonder Woman had noticed Green Lantern trying to delete a video. She stopped him before he successfully did the task and watched the video herself, calling a meeting to express her anger about the situation. Most were shaken since they had never seen the Amazonian this livid before. She briefly explained how her mother was once a miraculous user and how powerful these magical jewelry could be. Aqua Man also shared his concerns, revealing that the fall of Atlantis was due to the miraculous. They knew the logical decision was to work on this from outside of Paris, the villain preyed on negative emotions and they had been ignoring the Parisians' calls for help for four years. Their sudden appearance would definitely trigger the heroes. So in the last month, they had gathered files of nearly every person in Paris as well as all the necessary information about every akuma attack. It was tiring for the Bats but they trudged through it anyway.

Damian had taken a special interest in the spotted-heroine specifically, without the knowledge of any of his family members. She appeared similar to a female friend he had made quite some time ago, the one who had witnessed an assassination attempt on him. He saddened him to no end knowing that the friend he loved thought he was dead. The green-eyed boy became one hundred percent convinced that this hero was his friend.

One day, Dick had caught him in the Batcave observing a recently taken image of the Ladybug heroine. His older brother thought that Damian was crushing on the lady and began to tease him as others entered the cave.

"Tt, that's not true" the green-eyed boy retaliated.

"If you don't have a crush on Ladybug then why are you staring at an image of her?" Dick added more information necessary so that his younger brothers could join in on teasing his youngest brother.

The Robin vigilante sighed and brought everyone's attention to the screen. "See that?"

"All I see is this little lady Demon Spawn" Jason's smirk was quickly gone when he noticed Damian's serious expression.

"She's alone" he stated simply and before anyone could get a word in, her explained further. "There is usually a team with her"

Everyone seemed to lean closer to the screen.

"She's fighting alone. Her 'partner' doesn't participate in the battles anymore, he stays on the sidelines, observing" He let the others catch up to what he was saying. "The attacks have been lasting a lot longer than usual, Ladybug leads a super hero team correct? Then why is she fighting alone this time."

"They could have all been killed... We have to go to Paris to help the poor girl" Dick turned to Bruce. "Who knows how much longer she'll last alone fighting a psycho butterfly man!"

Bruce's fatherly instincts were screaming at him from merely looking at the photo. "I'll announce to the League that we'll be joining the fight in Paris"

~~~

Gabriel lead Marinette to his office, Nathalie wearily watching. Just as he was about to open the double doors, his assistant collapsed in uncontrollable coughing. Marinette was much faster than the older man so she got to the woman first. The bluenette carefully put Nathalie down on one of the chairs available while putting her hand on where she thought the assistant would where the peacock brooch. The blue-eyed girl could sense the broken miraculous' energy trapped in the woman so she did the only reasonable thing she could at that moment, she extracted the corrupted magic, healing Nathalie almost instantly. Marinette ignored Gabriel's relieved expression and gestured for him to lead her to Emilie.

"When this is over, I wish to have a restraining order against your son"

"May I ask why?"

"..."

"...I understand, I'll make sure to tell Nathalie"

The older man stopped before a painting of his wife, his fingers reached for the painted shapes and pressed on them, revealing an elevator to which he went down in. Following his motion, Marinette placed her hand on the painting and allowed herself to descend down the mansion. It lead her to a repository with a catwalk which lead to a circular platform covered in luscious greenery. In the middle on the platform was a class-covered cryogenic pod which the sleeping body of Emilie Agreste lay. The bluenette carefully made her way to the glass casket, placing her hand on the transparent material when she finally reached her destination. Focusing all her energy, a red light erupted from her finger tips and it soaked into Emilie's skin. Gabriel opened the pod, carefully watching his wife as Marinette took a step back. Suddenly her eyes fluttered open.

"G-Gabriel, what happened?"

The man didn't reply, he simply hugged the woman of his dreams before turning the the young girl.

"I... Thank you Mademoiselle Dupain-Cheng, I can give you the miraculous now if-"

"Ladybug will be at the Eiffel Tower soon, I suggest you give the miraculous to her then"

Gabriel nodded and thanked the girl once more as she left. Before she reached the lift that would lead her back up to Gabriel's office, Marinette turned to face the newly reunited couple.

"Enjoy the happiness in your life, Monsieur Agreste, you never know when it may end"

She then turned to leave, not wanting to here what her former idol had to say. When she reached the main floor of the Agreste Mansion, Marinette was greeted by Nathalie. The bluenette acknowledged the assistant with a nod, meaning that Emilie was awake. The assistant let out a sigh of relief and rushed to Adrien's room, not wanting to be around the blonde boy, Marinette promptly left. Once out of the premises of the mansion, she transformed and waited for Gabriel to return the miraculous. What she didn't realise was that the Justice League would also be coming to pay her a visit.

It felt like an eternity, waiting for the miraculous to be handed back to her but the bluenette was patient. She waited four years for this moment, but she had to share the moment alone. It was bittersweet. Soon enough Gabriel arivied, hastily giving Ladybug both the brooches with apologetic eyes and leaving without a word. The spotted heroine presumed that he wanted to get back to his wife and son, she couldn't blame him. Ladybug reached for her yo-yo teary-eyed, she was going to put both miraculous in her weapon before returning them in the miracle box but she stopped when she heard multiple figures approaching where she was standing.

~~~

Batman and his sons were the ones to go to Paris and alert Ladybug of their findings. The five men found themselves in front of the Eiffel Tower, Tim found out that was were the heroes would return to after their patrol.

"We must tell Ladybug right away" Batman pulled out his grappling hook and flung himself to one of the higher levels, all but Robin followed suit.

The vigilante had a feeling to remain on a lower level. He wanted to be reunited with his long lost friend but he couldn't find the words. Simply, he used his grappling hook to bring him onto one of the beams, low enough so he couldn't be seen but high enough to hear any conversation.

"Greetings, Ladybug" His father's voice echoed through the quiet building.

"Monsieur Batman? Wh-what are you doing here?" Her voice sounded almost exactly as he remembered, of course it sounded deeper and more matured but it had a more desolated edge to it.

~~~

"We apologize for not intervening earlier but we didn't know how well we needed to control our emotions" Red Hood watched as Nightwing brushed a hand through his hair nervously.

"But we can help now!" Red Robin's excited voice came out of nowhere, Ladybug looked at the vigilante in surprise. "We found out Hawkmoth's identity so we can finish this once and-"

Ladybug put a single hand up, a small smile on her face, silencing Red Robin's rambling. "That's very considerate of you, all of you" Her gaze landed on each vigilante one at a time. "But I... have things sorted" She pulled out two brooches from behind her back to show the men before putting the miraculous in her yo-yo. "I appreciate all you've done, truly I do. But can I ask one for one more favor?"

"Of course, what is it?" Nightwing asked, clearly wanting the spotted heroine to be gleeful once more.

"Could you... help the other heroes to help the Parisians to heal?"

"It's the least we can do" Batman replied. "Will you be there too?"

"I'm afraid not" Ladybug turned around and leaned forward on the banister. "You know how Hawkmoth prays on negative emotions, so I've had to deal with my emotions in an unhealthy manor but now... Hawkmoth is no more. I can be free"

"Wh-"

"Thank you, truly" Ladybug jumped up on to railing, facing the group of vigilantes. Her sad smile faded as she stared at the floor.

They didn't even get a chance to process what was happening before it did. A bright light surrounded the young hero and they were forced to close their eyes. As the light died down, Red Hood saw a small bluenette. She looked so weak, so pretty, so... fragile. It hurt the vigilante's heart seeing someone like this being the sole protector of Paris with no one by her side.

"Hey little lady-"

"I'm sorry Tikki"

The girl looked at all the vigilantes slowly, mouthing a 'thank you' before letting herself lean backwards.

Gravity took the Parisian heroine and she fell.

A small creature holding something shiny stared in horror as its owner fell."MARINETTE!" The small creature's anguished scream seemed to bring the vigilantes back to reality.

~~~

"MARINETTE!"

Robin's head shot up, that name was all too familiar. Suddenly, he took note of a figure falling fast from above, her raven hair flowing in the wind. Without giving a second thought, he bounded down the ledge he was on, landing on one of the platforms and had his arms out ready to catch the fallen angel. The bluenette was close enough for Robin to grab her and he pulled her in so that her feet landed on the platform, her body still looming over the edge of the building. His brother and father landed not far from him, bounding over to help the bluenette but Robin took no notice of their presence.

"Why didn't you just let me f...all" The girl's voice trailed off as her eyes widened in recognition, the air in her lungs escaped from her lips. "...d-Damian?"

The two friends took no notice at how the vigilantes behind Robin stiffened. Her eyes developed a watery sheen as the situation began to really hit her. Tears threatened to spill as her lip quivered. Robin pulled her away from the ledge and she jumped into his arms, she was heavily touch-starved. Much to his family's surprise, he didn't push her away. In fact, he hugged her back. They heard what she said next.

"I... I thought you were dead, Dami"

"...why? What made you do this, Malaki?"

They didn't hear what she said next as her mumbling was muffled in Robin's chest. Nightwing walked up to the two first, kneeling down to be eye level with the girl.

"Hey Sunshine... we don't know what you've been through but we're willing to help you though it okay?" The girl looked at his sincere gaze, her eyes were so round with innocence, Nightwing thought he would melt.

"I... thank you, I'm sorry for worrying you when I... jumped" No one failed to notice when Robin ran his fingers through the bluenette's hair.

"Don't apologize Little Lady" Red Hood walked over to where Nightwing was kneeling, sitting next to his older brother. "Hawkbitch forced you to bottle up your emotions, you were just strong for too long."

Marinette looked between the two men, a grateful smile on her face while she wiped the tears of pure happiness running down her cheeks. "Thank you, I- this... this is the nicest I've been treated recently"

"If you don't mind me asking," Batman walked over and Marinette felt slightly intimidated you his presence as well as his tone. The dark knight must have noticed this since he cleared his throat and began talking in a softer manner. "What happened to cause you to go to such extremes? You're obligated to not having to talk about it right away if the subject makes you uncomfortable"

"Well I guess I do have to talk about it eventually..."

Recognising the bluenette's discomfort, Red Robin stepped in. In his palm was the shaken kwami who flew straight for Marinette once the vigilante got close enough. "Since you know Robin's identity, and we already sorta know yours, it's only fair if we tell you who we are, right?" He looked at his two older brothers and then at his adoptive father. "My name's Tim Drake nice to meet you"

Marinette was about to take his offered hand when the vigilante she presumed was Red Hood took it instead, "Jason Todd, Robin's most charming and handsome brother" She giggled at Damian's obvious annoyance.

"Well I'm Richard Grayson, Robin's favourite brother, but you can call me Dick" The vigilante in the suit who comforted her first, introduced himself.

"It's nice to meet all of you"

Batman soon came over as well to aquatint with the young heroine, offering out his hand for a handshake. "Bruce Wayne"

She returned the hand shake and brightly smiled, it blinded nearly all those near. "Thank you, Mr Wayne. Wait..." she turned to face Damian, one of her eyebrows raised. "Wayne?"

"I may have failed to mention that part" To Robin's surprise, Marinette started giggling so he huffed in taken offense.

"Sorry it's just- a girl in my class as been boasting about dating you and about the Wayne Family seeing her as their 'honorary member'. I knew she was lying I just didn't know that I would bump into the people she was lying about"

Bruce hummed. "We'll have to do something about this girl you're talking about. In the meantime, why don't you come back to the hotel with us? You and Damian can catch up" The older man saw the hesitation in her eyes but he also saw the willingness that shine through the most. "If you're living in a bad environment then you do have to escape" His sons nodded along.

"I'll come, can I bring some overnight clothes? It's been a long day..."

"Of course, you go get your belongings and you can meet us at the Grand Paris Hotel"

"I... thank you again" She transformed and headed in the direction of her house, leaving Robin at the mercy of his brothers.

"You like her, Brat" Red Robin spoke up first.

Nightwing pretended to wipe his tears. "Baby Bird's all grown up now"

"That means you can't adopt the little Pixie, don't think I haven't seen the adoption papers"

~~~

When Marinette destransformed on her balcony rooftop, she quickly went inside, packed some clothes as well as some essentials. When she was satisfied with her belongings, she gave a macaron to Tikki before heading downstairs where she was met with two disappointed looking parents.

"Is something wrong?"

"We've decided," Tom began. "We're kicking you out for what you've done to your lovely classmate, Lila"

"We don't recognise the person you've become, Marinette. You are not the daughter we raised" Sabine added

"May I pack my things in the morning?" Marinette inquired, her eyes void of emotion. When her parents nodded, she left the bakery and down to the hotel where Damian was waiting in the lobby. As she approached, he took her bag and intertwined their hands together. She blushed at the contact but leaned into his embrace.

When she entered the hotel room she was greeted by the vigilantes who were now changed and unmasked. The bluenette was welcomed with open arms, she felt the warmth in her heart for the first time since Lila's Tyranny. She briefly explained Lila's lies, what she had done to Marinette and how the bluenette was able to protect Paris. She would've carried on longer if it weren't for the hotel phone ringing. It was the receptionist, saying that someone had asked to see Marinette. Confused, she went down with Damian, Jason followed closely behind since he had grown quite attached to the little fairy. Waiting at the front desk as a woman, Damian and Jason recognised her instantly as Mayura. Damian tried to step in front of his friend but she completely ignored their futile attempts to keep her in reach.

"Ah, Hello Mademoiselle Dupain-Cheng"

"Hello Nathalie, we're you the one who asked for me?"

"Yes, I just need to clarify a few things"

"Go ahead"

"You're request for the restraining order has been fulfilled" the bluenette nodded, waiting for Gabriel's assistant to continue. "May I ask what did he do to make you request for it?"

The two notices how Marinette stiffened. She contemplated before sighing. "Attempted sexual assault. If you look at the camera footage outside of the Louvre from two days ago, seven pm onwards, you'll see your evidence." Marinette turned away from Nathalie and walked back to Damian who, once in range, pulled her in for a hug.

"I'll never let him near you again, Angel"

~~~

The next day, Bruce had shown up with Marinette at her parents' bakery. Upon hearing about the young bluenette being kicked out, he had asked for her permission for him to be her Guardian until she was old enough to live in her own. Marinette accepted his offer. When they had entered the building, her parents had greeted their customers kindly before recognising Marinette. Bruce turned to the young girl next to him and smiled.

"You go pack your things I'll deal with this" She smiled and bounded upstairs, leaving Bruce to talk with the bakery's owners.

"Hello Sir, how may we help you?" Sabine began, wanting to know who this man was.

"I've come to gain guardianship of your daughter, Marinette Dupain-Cheng"

"Why should we give you guardianship?" Tom asked.

"I'm sure you know the liability for child neglect, Mr Dupain" With his words, both adults seemed to turn white. "I will file the necessary and submit it with the court, I'm sure you'll be willing to give your approval"

Both Marinette and the mystery man left, true they were glad that their mistake of a daughter had gone but they wondered who she had gone with.

~~~

Later that afternoon was a charity event which the Waynes were supposed to attend as they were invited by the mayor himself, the plus side was that the Akuma class would also be attending and they had no clue the Wayne Family would be there.

"...And finally I'd like to thank the Wayne Family for joining us this evening" Mayor Bourgeois finished his speech and all heads turned to the table the Waynes and Marinette were sitting on. As his speech was over, a teenage girl with glass and a very pale brunette came over to the table.

"Hello Mr Wayne, My name's Alya and I'm your honorary daughter's best friend and I was hoping-"

"Marinette" Bruce began, cutting off the aspiring reporter. The Alya girl only then seemed to notice that the bluenette was sitting at the table. "Is this girl you're friend?"

The bluenette took one hard look at Alya before shaking her head, "No"

"Marislut what th-"

"It would be appreciated if you did not talk about my honorary daughter and future daughter-in-law on that manner" Both Damian and Marinette turned red, one much more than the other. "In fact we should be leaving" Bruce and the rest of the family got up. "Miss Rossi, I will not tolerate your lies. You will receive a lawsuit for defamation and slander. Have a good evening" They left, leaving a reporter, a liar and a class speechless.

When they reached the hotel room they finished packing up, they would be leaving that night. Marinette made a few phone calls, telling her friends that she would be moving to Gotham. They had their belongs taken to the limo downstairs and had a few snacks before making their way down. In the lobby were many different people around the bluenette's age, she recognised them as her classmates and continued walking beside Damian until Alex came over.

"Marinette... we're sorry. We understand that you probably won't forgive apps but we wrote you letters anyway" the skater girl gave Marinette a pile of enveloped letters, ones she put in her bag straight away.

"Thank you for your apologies but I don't think I can forgive you just yet, goodbye Alix" the bluenette got in the limo and let out a breath she knew she was holding.

Her eyes glanced out the tinted window, she smiled knowing that she was leaving Paris for a better life. A better life with a friends, a better life with a new family. A better life with Damian.

~Bonus~

The harsh blizzard outside was definitely being felt from inside the manor, leaving a cold and tired Marinette on the couch. Damian, noticing his girlfriend's state, went to grab a blanket to cover both Marinette and himself. She snuggled into the green-eyed boy, taking all the warmth she could get, and slowly she drifted off to sleep. Damian too felt drowsy so soon followed his girlfriend into dreamland.

Jason came in a few moments later to find the sleeping couple, he was then reminded by how tired he was so he went on the couch and leaned his back against his youngest brother, himself too falling victim to slumber.

The next person to walk in was Dick, he had just finished training so he was exhausted. But he couldn't help to coo when he came across the scene in front of him. The eldest son then got on the sofa and carefully leaned against Marinette, similar to what Jason had done with Damian. It didn't take long for him to join them in dozing off.

Tim arrived with a big cup of freshly made coffee, one which he was about to drink until he noticed his siblings all curled up on the couch sleeping. The co-CEO went back to the kitchen, left his cup of coffee then went to grab a blanket to join his family. Wrapping himself in a blanket burrito, Tim placed himself on the floor pressed up against sofa.

When Bruce returned home safely, he went to the main living room to see his children, and his future in-law who was basically his own by now, sleeping soundly with the TV still running. Reaching for the remote, he turned the television off and grabbed his phone to take a picture. He planned on printing it out and having it framed in his study. Bruce sat on one of the armchairs, taking a book to read. If there was peace in the house, he might as well enjoy it while it lasts.

[barzyyy]

when he’s anxious

trying something different. may is mental health awareness month. if you or someone you know is struggling, visit this website for resources. you are not alone.

tw: anxiety

most people didn’t know that, outside of the confident demeanor that he had while on the ice, mat was actually quite an anxious person. it showed up in simple ways - zoning out while on the bench during a game, being hard on himself when a game didn’t go right and, in more extreme situations, it showed up in a physical form. his whole body would vibrate, his eyes wouldn’t stop searching the room, and he would become distant.

it would frustrate him when people would make comments about his behaviors. “if only they really knew what was going on. i can’t control it, it just happens.” he would say, desperation seeping through his voice. he slowly became more and more insecure, more anxious that his fans would soon figure out that he often struggled to keep his mind at bay.

he secretly credits his hockey skills to his anxious mind. growing up, he would work so meticulously on his craft. hours would be spent outside passing pucks to himself, repeating it until it felt perfect. his mom would call him inside multiple times, always being followed by an “i’m almost done, mom!” he would finally recede and come in two hours later. he told people that he did it because he was passionate, but in reality, he did it because it was the fear of failure that drove him.

when he got drafted, he thought that all of his anxious thoughts would go away. he had finally made it. all of the extra hours spent at the rink were finally paying off, and he no longer had to worry that he devoted his life to hockey for no reason. that the intruding thoughts of how much his parents sacrificed to get him to the NHL would finally disappear.

they only got worse.

when you came into mat’s life, it took a while for him to admit his struggles to you. little did he know, your younger sister faced her own demon of anxiety growing up. you knew just how debilitating it could be, and for that, he was grateful. he finally felt understood. you had a way of addressing his anxious habits without making him feel undignified. besides his immediate family and beau, you were one of the only ones who knew him better than he knew himself.

he didn’t have panic attacks often, but when he did, they were terrifying. no one ever knew what to do. one time he would just want someone to hold his hand, but other times he would get angry when someone got even remotely too close. in the most extreme situations, his entire body would tense up, and he would lose feeling in his hands from unconsciously clenching them so tight. on one specific occassion, you had to call an ambulance because he could barely form a sentence. it was a moment that would never erase itself from your mind for the rest of your life.

the most difficult part for you was knowing that you couldn’t do anything to completely erase his feelings. you had to realize that it was not your job to “fix” him. mat has anxiety, but mat is not his anxiety. regardless if it was the energetic, spontaneous mat or the anxious, emotional mat, you still loved him the same. and that was the only job that you had to do.

mental illnesses can be tough. you found the two of you constantly arguing over whether or not mat should seek a counselor. you would get frustrated when he was only voicing his fears, or cancelling plans last minute because he all of a sudden did not feel like he was in the right mental space. it was frustrating...so, so frustrating. why did he refuse to talk to a professional? you would think that he would be so tired of living this way that he’d be willing to do something about it...right?

you found yourself grieving over the fact that he refused to seek help. you wanted him to get better so badly. the demon of anxiety was not something that you wished on anyone - not even your worst enemy. it was difficult to accept that it would take time to help him realize that he shouldn’t feel ashamed for wanting to talk to a trusted professional that could help him find freedom from his mind.

within all of the struggle though, you still managed to see mat for the person he truly is. he is the man that loves you more than anyone else. the man that takes care of you while you are sick, surprises you with dates and always helps you see the best possible outcomes of situations. he is the man that loses all sense of his “manliness” at the sight of a puppy or a baby. he is the man that you know you will marry one day.

it took time, but you soon came to terms with the fact that the road to freedom was a long, bumpy one. the harsh reality of battling a mental illness both directly and indirectly was not something that people talked about. but you were so passionate about mat that none of the hardships mattered. you were there to love him on the days when he couldn’t even do that for himself.

you made sure to remind him that you were there for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death do you part.

[timefospookies]

DO YOU HAVE ANY REM HEADCANONS??? I love Rem sm

I SURE DO. AND LEMME TELL YOU ARG REM AND SPOOKS AU REM ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT JDISJJFIF

Listen I don’t know much about Rem from the wiki. All it says is they were mentioned by Duskworld lol

ANYWAY HERE THEY AREE

(TW TRANSPHOBIA)

Remi “Rem” Campbell (she/her)

- Born 1989, 22 in 2011

- Trans fem!!! <3

- Likes caring for plants :]

- Her parents joined the Moon Children when she was 8

- She developed her gift at age 12, that being Healing

- She can heal herself and others injuries but can only heal others from sickness

- Can heal injuries very quickly (although the time differs depending on the severity of it)

- The effort that it takes to heal can vary as well on the severity

- She can heal herself just fine, it drains her a bit, but it’s not terrible

- The only catch to her healing others is that it’s basically an exchange

- You could break your arm, go to her for healing, and she could heal your arm at the expense of hers breaking as a result

- An eye for an eye, as they say

- She’s very cautious with anything that could be dangerous

- She has a lot of medical knowledge and makes medicine from her plants!!

- Used to hang out with the preppy girls in the village when she was younger -> their leader was Maerlie lol

- Rem (14 y/o) trusted Maerlie with her being trans, but then she outed her to the entire village and all the adults got angry

- The High Priest wanted her out of the village, but Rosa and Matt could convince him to let her stay

- She’s considered an outcast from the other Children and it hurt that most of her family cast her away, but she learned to live with it

- She still has a bunch of friends who respect and care about her <3

- Rem mostly hangs out by the Lunar garden in the village since no one goes to it very often

- It’s filled with flowers and shrubs and growing fruit!! She takes care of the garden as if the plants were her children :]

- Rosa comes to the garden everyday to talk to her or read, even just sit in silence!!

- Alex also comes around often to chat about life, sometimes accompanied by Matt

- She thinks Matt is annoying but she’s grateful for him too LMAOJD

- The one who comes most often, after Rosa, is Nekko!! Trans fem solidarity <3

- Rem’s a great storyteller!!!

- I think she likes making up stories and telling them to whoever visits

- Can make up awesome and exciting stories on the spot!! It’s a lot of fun :]

- LIKES WORKING WITH WOOD!! LIKE CARVING!!!

- She could make a little theater and wooden figures to tell stories to the little ones!!

- Rosa and Nekko are her number 1 fans <3

- Can make beautiful designs on wood :3

- Loves listening to music and plays a little guitar!!!! (Which she made herself, mind you)

ANYWAY THATS ALL IVE GOT FOR NOW LOL ITS LATE HDIWNDJID

[agathasangel]

leave everything behind but me- part 1 (diane sherman x fem!reader)

Warnings: Diane is still extremely dangerous, TW for stalking, drugs, and illness (also brief vomit mention), hurt/comfort with a bit more hurt, this series may end up going in an NSFW direction but there isn’t any here, I really don’t know exactly where it’s going.

AU where pretty much everything in the movie is the same except the very last scene. Diane gets out of jail but isn’t able to find or contact Chloe. This is gonna be a series and probably way too long (I’m already writing part 2). Also I know there are a lot of Diane fics that are like this, sorry about that. But this is really fun to write so oh well. 

Summary: You finally got the courage to run away and start a new life. Diane gets out of jail. She can’t find Chloe, but created a bond with another girl, you. And she would never, ever lose you. After all, you need her.

You were finally doing this. You were leaving your home behind and never looking back. You never had a good relationship with your parents, and now that you had graduated High School your parents were constantly threatening to kick you out. So instead, you decided to just leave. You had found a town on the east coast (across the country from your home state) and you had saved all your money from your job for the bus tickets, and found a roommate online, Anna. until you had finally announced to your parents that you were moving out. They acted relieved, like a huge burden was just taken off of their plate. But you knew they were secretly upset that they no longer would have someone to blame every inconvenience on.

You sat on the bus, listening to music and looking out the window. You noticed a silver minivan that happened to have been following you almost all day and on two different buses. You wondered where the driver of the minivan was going. Maybe whoever the driver was was running away too, but was lucky enough to have a car.

The bus stopped in Chicago, about halfway to your destination, and you had an eight hour layover that you had to manage to stay awake for despite the fact that you hadn’t slept in the past 24 hours. You decided to go to a cafe that was next to the bus station to get some coffee to pass the time and keep you up.

“I’ll just have a large coffee with cream and 1 sugar, please.”

“Great! That’ll be three-fifty.”

You searched in your wallet before realizing that you were completely out of cash that wasn’t going towards your bus ticket or room.

“...never mind”

“Hey, I can pay for you, don’t worry about it.” Said the woman standing behind you.

“Oh, you don’t have to-”

“Don’t worry, its no big deal. Just come and sit with me.”

You had time. Besides, you wanted someone to talk to and this woman was quite attractive.

“Sure. Thank you.”

The woman ordered and led you to a table.

“So, what’s your name?”

“I’m (y/n). And you?”

You heard the barista say “Two coffees for Diane?” and the woman got up

“I guess that answers that?” you said.

Diane walked over to get the coffees and stirred in the cream and sugar into both of them.

She gave you one of the coffees and said “Yes, my name is Diane Sherman. Are you from around here?”

“Oh no, I’m from the west coast. I’m on a bus trip, moving across the country. Fresh start, you know. And you?”

“I have been too, actually. Well, except I’ve been driving. Why do you need a fresh start?”

“My parents and I have a rough relationship. I just graduated High School and I didn’t feel like there was a reason to stay. What about you?”

“I’m sorry about that, (y/n). I actually lost my daughter recently, I’ve been incredibly lonely. I’m hoping for a new start, and some new connections.”

“I’m sorry to hear that Diane, that’s terrible.” You wondered what happened to her daughter, but thought it was best not to pry into this woman’s life.

“I’ll get through it. Maybe I’ll find someone else I can take care of. Someone who really needs it.”

Diane asked you more questions about your family, life, interests, everything. You felt like this woman had a genuine interest in you that you never felt from anyone else. You liked it. But as you talked you realized that the coffee wasn’t waking you up, if anything you felt even more tired. Maybe you just had to wait.

“I haven’t slept in so long, I’m so tired. Thank you for getting this coffee for me. It was nice to meet you, Diane.” You said, sad that your paths may never cross again.

“(Y/n), wait.”

You turned back to her.

“I have an idea. I have a motel room with two beds for tonight. Why don’t you sleep there and we forget about the buses, you can just ride with me.”

“Where are you going?”

“I’ve bought a house and I’m going there, but I can take you wherever you’d like, there’s no rush. I understand you may be suspicious as a younger woman when an older person asks you to ride with them and stay in their hotel room but I promise I only ask because, well honestly, I’m lonely and need someone to take care of.”

It was probably the sleep deprivation, but you believed her. You got into her silver minivan and drove to a nearby motel. When you got in the room you immediately dropped all your stuff and flopped down onto the bed, exhausted.

“Hey, sweetie, you can shower in the morning if you want to but you should at least change into pajamas.” said Diane. You found the energy to take your clothes off and put on an oversized t-shirt as you listened to Diane sing in the shower. You fell asleep to the sounds of the running shower and the older woman’s slightly off-key singing.

When you woke up, Diane was reading and sipping some coffee. You noticed she had also gotten you one.

“Morning, sweetheart. Now, I’m not in much of a rush to get out of here so just take your time. Drink your coffee and then take a shower, alright?”

“Sounds good!” You said, starting to drink your coffee.

“Great. I’m looking forward to spending more time with you, (y/n). I think maybe we were destined to meet. You without loving parents and me, in desperate need of someone to love and care for.”

“Maybe..”

You couldn’t explain why, but you did like this strange woman. She seemed kind, and she was very pretty, which couldn’t have hurt. The only reason you said yes to her last night was because you needed sleep so badly but now that you were fully rested, you couldn’t say you regretted it. You walked to the shower and felt a bit lightheaded. While you were in the shower you started to feel weak and you finally fell over.

As soon as she heard the thud of your body to the shower floor, Diane ran into the bathroom.

“(Y/N)? What happened? Are you ok?”

“I... I fell... I don’t know why.” You said, a bit embarrassed of the woman seeing your naked body like this

“Ok, let’s get you dried off and dressed, then I think we have to get some food into you.” and Diane helped you up, helped you dry off and took out your most comfortable-looking clothes and put them on you. This whole thing made you feel like a child, but you almost didn’t mind. It’s not like you’ve ever been taken care of like this before.

“Lean on me if you need to, I’ll come back for the luggage after you’re in the car.” You held onto Diane’s arm all the way to the front seat of the car.

“Just wait here, okay love?”

She got both your suitcase and hers and but them back in the car. You noticed that her suitcase that was in your room was not the only one she had, and she in fact had several suitcases, and lots of bags. She was older and more established than you, of course she had more things than you did.

She drove until you found a diner where the two of you could get breakfast. She helped you out of the car and told her to at least hold her hand while you walked.

“I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, maybe eating something will make you feel better.”

“Yeah, I hope so. I’ve never felt like this before, I really hope I’m not sick.”

“I don’t think that’s it.”

While you ate you talked, and Diane gave you a pill that she said might make you feel better. You took it and you did start feeling a little bit better. 

“Is it working? Do you feel ready to go?”

“I think so”

And so you left the diner with Diane feeling a little bit better. She kept her hands on you to guide you as you went to the car, just in case. 

“I’m ok now. But thanks, Diane.”

“Of course.” She grabbed your hand for a second and smiled at you and your heart skipped a beat. Why did you feel this way?

Diane drove for several hours until you fell asleep again. When she woke you up you were in a hotel parking lot in a small town you didn’t recognize.

“Where are we?”

“I think we’re somewhere in central Pennsylvania. We have a lot more driving to do, but it’s getting late. Let’s get some dinner and get you to bed.”

That night was relaxing and easy. Diane ordered room service and you ate while sitting on her bed together and watching a movie. The two of you began to cuddle and you ended up falling asleep in the older woman’s arms. When you stirred early the next morning she was still holding you.

When you woke up for real, Diane brought you some coffee. 

Diane got back on the road and she asked you where you planned on staying. You told her you were going to stay with a girl named Anna who you talked to online. As the car ride progressed, the weak feeling you had the other day started to come back.

“That’s ok. You can stay with me tonight if you want.”

“You really don’t have to-”

“Yes, I do. I want to make sure you’re ok, let me take care of you.” You figured that if Diane were dangerous, she would have tried to do something to you by now since you’ve basically been alone with her for almost two days. How bad could it be?

It turned out that the house Diane lived very close to Anna anyway, so you decided why not.

You drove another seven or so hours from the hotel all the way to a small house in a very cute little town not too far from where you had planned on settling in.

“This is it.”

You got out of the car and brought your stuff into the house. It was a cute, small place that was already furnished. You and Diane both looked around. There were two bedrooms, one bathroom, and a living room and kitchen.

“It’s a good thing I got a two-bedroom, I guess. You can stay here as long as you’d like.”

“Thank you”“

“I’m gonna go out and bring some more stuff in and then I’ll make us some tea, does that sound good?”

“Sure.”

The two of you sat on the couch and talked while you drank the tea Diane made you. The tea didn’t taste bad, but it didn’t taste like anything you’ve had before. You told her more about your family life after she asked.

“Your parents were so lucky,” said Diane, who was getting a bit emotional, “to have a child as healthy and beautiful and sweet as you. There are so many people who would give anything to have what your parents took for granted.”

“I don’t know, maybe it is my fault. Maybe I was just a bad kid. Maybe I was hard to like, or dumb, or-”

“I don’t think you’re any of those things. And I’m sorry that you believe that, because it’s not true.”

“You think so?”

“I do.”  

You went to bed that night in your room and Diane in hers. When you woke up you felt weak and sick to your stomach. You guessed that Diane was wrong and you were in fact coming down with something.

“Diane!” You felt bad for possibly waking her up, but you’d feel even worse if you threw up on the sheets, and you didn’t know if you could make it to the bathroom. So you did it. She immediately came running to you.

“Are you ok, sweetie? What’s wrong?”

“I think I’m sick. Do you have a bucket or something?”

“Yes. Just one second.”

She left and very quickly brought back a bucket for you.

“I hope I haven’t gotten you sick too.”

“Don’t worry about that, I rarely get sick. Just let me take care of you.”

And you did. For the next few days as she looked for teaching jobs she nursed you back to health. Well, almost-health, at least. You weren’t having stomachaches or throwing up anymore but you still felt weak. She gave you pills and lots of them, and some might have had some bad side effects. All the pain medication she gave you almost had a numbing effect on your body. Anna had completely stopped responding to you and you worried she didn’t want to be roommates anymore, not like you could be on your own right now anyway in the state you were in. You needed Diane to take care of you. She was being interviewed for a position as a science teacher at the local High School but other than working on all of the application material she had all the free time in the world to be with you.

“Anna said she found another roommate.”

“Hey, don’t worry about that alright? You’re still sick and I really don’t mind you just... staying here and living with me. Besides, I really think I’m going to get this job and if I do I’ll easily be able to support the both of us.”

“Diane, you don’t have to... I applied for some jobs already.”

“None of which you can do when you’re sick, now please lie back down. I know you feel bad for letting me take care of you and baby you so much, but you don’t have to. I’ve already told you that I like having someone to take care of. And I know you like it when I take care of you too.”

And you hated to admit it, but she was right. Despite how horrible you felt physically, you enjoyed your time with Diane. You started doing a lot of fun things together. You both enjoyed yourselves, and Diane sometimes told you that she felt like she had a daughter again. She made you feel loved. You still had your own bed, but you often fell asleep on the couch or in Diane’s bed while the two of you cuddled.

“I love you, (y/n). My baby.” Diane said as you started to drift off on the couch with her that night.

[hitozy]

have you ever ‹ masterlist › denouement

tw! manipulation, mentioned underage sex, dubious consent, cheating. i also want to point out that reader is around 2-3 years younger than Iwaizumi, while Jae and Iwa are the same age. ps. this is a long chp :)

𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐲 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐤𝐞

Iwaizumi has no idea of what has possessed him tonight. He doesn't know why he's walking around the city in the middle of the night a day before he should be on his way home.

He doesn't know why after the celebration he didn't follow his teammates. He doesn't know why he has barely answered your texts since after the game.

He also doesn't know why he agreed to go and see Jae, to hear her out.

He's been doing fine so far, seven months Jae clean and while the first three were bumpy; your company had made it easier to deal with. Your cheerfulness, your happiness, the adventures you've both have been planning have taken his mind off the broken heart he was nursing.

She continued to contact him, even when he begged her not to and blocking her phone was no use, she just got a new one and tried again and again. His resolve was diluted and he knew it would be a matter of time before he fell into his old habits.

lil jae: congrats on the win haji! let me invite you to a drink, im in town.

-

Iwaizumi recalls an old memory from back in high school, a few weeks before moving to California, you were sitting on his bed helping him organize his suitcase with 'essentials'. His clothes all over the place but as always, you showed enthusiasm at helping him out.

He remembers you giggling and calling him a dork while folding his Godzilla themed underwear and placing it inside his suitcase. He remembers the way you hummed some songs that you had just placed on your shared playlist because 'it's kinda your style' and it kinda is. He even remembers what you were wearing, a pair of black running shorts and a blue tank top. When you reached over the edge of his bed for his fallen socks, your cleavage was visible to his eyes, 'If a man ever peers down his shirt', he thought, 'I'll kill him without hesitating.'

But what he remembers the most is you pulling out an old shoe box from under said bed, a shoe box that held his most treasured things. Pictures from his childhood that matched the ones on your bedroom wall, doddles from your hand, your favorite flowers pressed inside a copy of your favorite book, short stories and poems, snippets of stories never finished from you. He'll never forget your teary eyes and happy smile when he took the box from you, emptying the contents carefully inside his backpack. The hug you gave him afterward still sets his heart on fire, nothing has ever been more lovely than you and your happy smile.

He also remembers Jae coming into his room right during your hug, wearing an empty smile on her face, her eyes red and raging. He's only ever seen her this mad whenever he's with you and he still doesn't get it.

She stay's to "help" when in reality all she does is glare at yn the whole time. It helps that you don't even mind the glares or the bad mood, joking that 'Jae's grumpy because we couldn't go to the movies today'.

It was late afternoon when you left, Iwaizumi had given you a bag filled with some of his stuff - things he knew you loved and adored, things he couldn't take. He watched you get inside your parents car and wave him goodbye, even though you both knew he'd be coming through your window in a few hours for movie night.

He remembers when he came back inside to find Jae naked on his bed. How angry she was and how she took it out on sex, the tension so palpable he could taste it. Once it was over, she walked towards his backpack and pulled out all of YN's things and that's when it clicked. She was mad because he was taking stuff about YN and not her, she made it clear when Jae told him, 'What the fuck is this.'

-

He remembers that hours later, he finds himself in your room squeaky clean and wearing nothing but his sweatpants and socks, his back against your front with his head against your breasts. He hadn't told you that Jae broke up with him, but he knew you had figured out he was sad because your arms cradled him since he got situated there and had not moved since.

How Jae said she wouldn't move with him in the end. How she had decided to stay in Japan and have him go to California all alone in the end, just because she wanted him to. How he begged her to come, to stay with him, to not leave him and how he watched her get dressed to go home. How she winked at him as she left with a, "Call me once you're in Cali."

How she only wants to go out when she knows he has plans with you. How she only cares about him when you're around or how messed up and used he feels ever since she took his virginity during your 14th birthday party.

He feels disgusting sometimes after sex with Jae, disgusted with himself on how wrong it is but how much he loves her still.

He didn't have to say any of that to you, the kiss on the forehead you just gave him eased it all away anyway.

-

He remembers all of this while he's kissing Jae in her hotel room, her dress and underwear discarded somewhere in the room, his cock buried deep inside of her like a starved man, Her nails racking down his chest from his unbuttoned shirt as she moaned at the feeling.

When Jae separates herself from him with half lidded eyes, she smirks, "I bet my little cousin can't even kiss right, the little virgin." She kisses the column of his neck, grazing her teeth against the skin, getting ready to mark him as hers and even though he doesn't agree with her, he stays quiet.

A memory burst through his mind as he pounds into Jae. The way your sighed his name when he settled himself inside of you, the way your nails scratched his back when he hit your G-spot, the way you moaned when his thumb circled your clit; your gummy, tight walls griped him as you came, with his name on your lips. Your soft, pillow lips that have only been his, only kissed him.

"Be safe out there, Hajime! I'll be waiting for you!" She smiled as she kissed him goodbye by the front door.

He turned to deepen the kiss, pulling her closer to him like a starved man, "Don't worry, I'm not gonna runaway, mochi."

As he walked down the steps of his house, he heard her say "I miss you already."

It's then that Iwaizumi snaps out of it.

He pushes her off of him and steps back until his back is against the wall, feeling disgusted with himself in a way he hasn't since they broke up.

"I can't do this, I won't do this, I-" he pushes himself off the wall, tucking himself in and picking up his stuff, "Never again, Jae."

Jae watches him leave, a sinister smile spreading across her face. Her gaze steady as his figure disappears into the night, "If you think you can just up and go, Haji, you are very mistaken."

She walks to where she hid her phone and chuckles as she presses send, "Lets see what my little cousin has to say, hmm?"

-

Iwaizumi was worried, it wasn't normal for you to not answer his calls or texts. He was on the road back home with the team, their ruckus would usually give him a headache, but right now? Right now he can't focus on anything except the little 'unread' mark at the bottom of his last text to you.

my one: mochi? r u ok? im on my way back home

-

He didn't expect to come back home and find you in the living room in silence. Your eyes rimmed red and puffy from crying, you didn't have to say anything for him to know what had happened.

Jae told you.

He wish he could be surprised, but Jae had been nothing but a devil all this time and he can't believe he never saw it until now. Until he married you, an angel.

"Mochi, I'm sorry. I'm very very sorry, please talk to me." He knelt at your feet, his hands on your knees trying to get you to look at him. His guilt crashing down brick by brick, he should have never gone out to see her.

"I know this means nothing to you, mochi. But I'll never see her again, only when its a family reunion or you're with me."

Silence.

"There is no excuse, but yn, please, look at me, let me explain."

She pushes him off a bit, without much force as if her sadness took away all her strength and his heart clenched. How could he do this to his best friend? Lie and lie, again and again and again.

YN-”

“No, STOP! You- you got your say, now it’s my turn.” She's shaking and her breaths are short. She's starting to have a panic attack.

I get up and advance towards her slowly, “YN you need to calm down. Here,” I place my hand on her back, “let me-”

She pushes me off, her back towards me, “Please, don’t touch me. Please, please, please.” She's sobbing and its hurts so so much.

It hurts, it hurts, it hurts.

“Remember your breathing exercises, mochi. In and out. In…”

Eventually her breathing normalizes but she still won't look at me and it takes all of my strength to not touch her.

“All I ever wanted was for you to love me, Hajime.”

Whoever said words can never hurt someone, has never been in my place. She just stabbed me without a knife and its more painful than I ever imagined.

“I wanted you to love me, to see me as your wife, as a woman but you didn’t. You don’t and I- it hurts so much.”

“But, mochi, you said you would marry me so we didn’t end up with strangers.”

“I know.”

“Then why-”

“I lied. I’ve loved you since the moment you came into my life. I’ve loved you for years, even before Jae came into the picture. I’ve loved you so so so much, I love you so much.”

“… you know about Jae? Since when?!” I made the mistake of reaching out for her, she pushed me back and said nothing. The dread of her knowing, of her finding out before today makes me sick.

“If you knew then why did you marry me!? Did you think I would change? That my feelings would change? You know I’m not like that.”

“I do know. I- thought that maybe-, but then it was clear that nothing would change but, I made a promise to you and I said it in our vows.”

“YN-”

“I know the mistake is mine. I know what all the blame is mine to take, I know it and I accept it. I’m sorry, Hajime, that’s me that you have to stay with.”

She finally turns to look at me, but I wish she hadn't. The tears are flowing steadily down her cheeks to her neck. I did this to her, I hurt her again and again, without thinking. No, without watching. Because if I had paid attention to her like Jae did, I might have seen it sooner.

“We could get a divorce, you know. That way you can stop getting hurt. Stop your heart from breaking. You don’t deserve this.”

“It’s okay. I- I give you permission to do it, to break my heart forever.”

“…What?”

She takes my hand, and in-between the tears she smiles at me as if her heart wasn't breaking in two. As if I didn't shatter her dreams for a few sloppy seconds, “It’s okay, I know what I signed up for, I knew it from the beginning. I guess I just didn’t want to accept it. So go ahead, break my heart, break it into a million pieces! I give you permission, Iwaizumi Hajime, please just - don’t leave me.”

I can't say anything, what am I supposed to say? My sweet, sweet girl is hurt and damaged and all she wants is for me to stay. I feel disgusted in a way I never did with Jae, because instead of being used, I am using her.

I bring her into my arms, and say the only words that have actual meaning between us, "I love you, mochi."

"I- I'll do better, I promise. Please YN," He gripped her shoulders tightly, "Please forgive me, I'll do whatever just, I'm so sorry, baby."

He can feel the tears spilling onto his shirt, a scorching pain expanding through his chest at the consequences of his actions. He hurt the one person who didn't deserve it, who he promised to keep safe and happy.

"Hajime, please take a bath, I wanna sleep without the smell of Jae."

His heart dropped at her words, he forgot that he had just upped and left from Jae's, only changing his clothes for comfort. His skin still smelled like her. As he separated from her, he kissed her forehead, "Join me?"

-

He laid on the bed with her hours later, her head on his chest where he could see her puffy eyes. She had washed him thoroughly to the point were he thought she had scrubbed him raw, and he couldn't blame her - he wanted to do the same since the beginning.

He pulled her closer, practically on top of him and felt her heartbeat against his own. He had done something terrible and he needed to fix it, fix this. So he needed to take the first step.

to lil jae: for someone who says they love me, u sure like to make me miserable. i don't know why u hate yn so much and tbh i don't care anymore. i don't want to see u or talk to u ever again. if u contact me, i'm gonna get a restraining order, jae. i can't do this anymore.

to lil jae: goodbye jae.

do you wish to block this number?

yes.

Remorse is memory awake, Her companies astir,— A presence of departed acts At window and at door.

Its past set down before the soul,         And lighted with a match, Perusal to facilitate Of its condensed despatch.

Remorse is cureless,—the disease Not even God can heal;         For ’t is His institution,— The complement of hell.

Remorse is memory awake - Emily Dickinson

taglist ! @daphnxy @zukoslosthishonor​ @i-am-a-hoe-for-shinya @mrsdoradominguez-barnes @anejuuuuoy

a/n! *hands you all this and runs* i'll see you soon for chp11~

but in all seriousness, i wrote this chapter with my heart on my sleeve. love is truly the strongest curse and for it to be unrequired? imagine it.

now, i'm off to write the next part! and i am sorry :) ♥

[darktimesdarkvibes]

Yandere!Jun. K/Minjun (2PM) Headcanons

July 07, 2021 |  1,501 words

Series masterlist

Assumes reader is an adult, but includes for if you have an age gap

Gender-neutral reader I think

tw: age gap, toxic behavior, kidnapping, light stalking, yandere (which is basically thinking you are "in love" with someone but actually you should see a psychiatrist and that's really not a joke. This character trope can become very sick and violent and abusive at their worst, though I tend to go for the softer variety. They are often possessive, over-protective, delusional, etc.)

I don't believe Minjun is actually like this nor do I condone the unhealthy behaviour in this post

Starts off pretty soft but it will get slightly darker

It'll be hard for you to tell that Minjun is rather off, because mostly he just comes over as a more protective than you would expect from most people

He always comes off as very polite and respectful. He understands that you should make your own choices

Even before dating, he would just drop everything to help you when you need it, age gap or not

If you are on the younger side (early to mid twenties) he will probably not want to push it with you and he will try to keep his distance romantically

But every little thing you do is just so charming that even just casually being around you is exhilarating, especially if you are alone together

You just make him breathless

But then again on the other hand he doesn't want to end up becoming a problem for you himself because he can't control himself despite the age gap, so he does control himself for your sake

But still uuuugh the angst! The internal conflict! The tension! It's so rich

He gets headaches over it, he loses sleep, and even gets drunk occasionally because of this. He dreams about you quite often as well.

He's just always trying to figure out how to best walk the line between courting you and being just some friend of yours, because he still wants to be special to you

He's not sure where that line is, or even exactly what it looks like, but he tries his best

It's very painful for him, but for you it's worth it

He's basically planning to just be your guardian for the rest of your lives

Think about some of the Journey lyrics from their song "Separate Ways"

"Sleepless nights/Losing ground, I'm reaching for you, you, you"

"If you must go, I wish you love/You'll never walk alone/Take care, my love"

"Troubled time/Caught between confusion and pain, pain, pain"

"If he ever hurts you/True love won't desert you/You know I still love you"

He's close to that romcom trope of being kind of creepy, but the movie plays it off as romantic

When it comes to your love life, he won't even interfere if your s/o seems like a good person

He's definitely not happy seeing you with someone else, but he understands. And if they treat you well and make you happy then it's the best he can hope for

However if they don't seem like a good match for you he'll probably try to voice his concerns in as friendly and objective a way as possible but try to not push it too much

He probably trusts that you know what you're doing

If your s/o seems like a bad person or like they aren't treating you right, he may well do something more

He'll talk to you about it, and he may sound more like he's trying to actually guide you.

This can muddy the waters because he is too protective, so sometimes his attitude can come off as parental, especially if there is an age gap (I know what you’re probably thinking and really you can think or extrapolate what you like, but I'm not touching that meme/kink myself)

You're in his car and he's driving, and he says, "I just don't think it's a good idea. In my experience this kind of person is bad news. And I do have plenty of experience to draw on."

He may even approach your s/o to talk about how you are being treated

I say talk, but it could become very confrontational depending on how shitty your s/o is

Like if they are actually abusive, blows could well be exchanged

Overall his yandere rather unexpectedly manifests in him trying to keep his distance and just monitor/help you from afar

This includes some light-to-moderate stalking

More of a follow-you-to-make-sure-you-get-home-safe kind of stalking. He doesn't go to the extent of using a location tracker or anything like that

Another reason for keeping his distance is he is likely self-aware and realizes he is being a little... unorthodox in his approach

However if he's pushed and he realizes that making a move might help him take care of you, he will

Because if him keeping his distance is just letting assholes into your life, then it isn’t doing any good is it?

For instance, say again you end up with an s/o who is abusive or toxic in some way. In that case, he’s going to confess and try to be with you

"You deserve so much better, and I can give you so much better."

And once he's got you, there's just no shaking him

He will do just about anything within his power for you to stay together

Let me explain some of his inner workings:

With every milestone in your relationship, it's like a switch is flipped in his head

The first time you meet is a switch

Making you laugh for the first time is a switch

Protecting you from some creep in a bar is a switch

Then confessing his feelings and having you reciprocate is a switch

If you make the first move, he won't be able to stop himself, and that also would be a switch

Kissing you for the first time is yet another switch

With every switch flipped, he sinks further into his infatuation, and there is no going back

And you have no idea this is all going on in his head

Not super possessive, but if there’s someone he perceives as a potential threat around he’ll always be touching you. Putting his arm around your shoulder or waist, or even just on your back, is best for him in that situation

If he's in a situation where that may not be appropriate for some reason, he'll try to hold your hand or at least stand close enough that your shoulders touch, and he'll try to land subtle touches on you to show intimacy

Because he loves making it clear you are together, he loves PDA in general, even just hand-holding

Also loves physical contact with you for its own sake though of course, including when you’re alone and there's no one to see

Might kidnap you but really doesn’t want to have to do that

If he does, he feels guilty and keeps reassuring you that you didn’t do anything wrong and that he isn’t going to hurt you

"Y/N, Y/N, calm down... I won't hurt you. You're always safe with me."

He would need something he perceives as a strong motive as well

Perhaps you got into a car accident and he feels guilty because he feels like he needs to protect you from everything

Or maybe you were going to leave him/leave the country

But Korea is where he can both best provide for you and protect you, so he takes you

If he didn't, then he'd panic, because the world is dangerous and hard, and he needs to keep you safe, warm, and loved

For your first time together:

It goes without saying that he thinks you are just the most attractive person ever

But he wants to take things pretty slow for the romance

And for your benefit especially if you are inexperienced

But it's hard for him

If you have had sexual experience before, he's good with that. He's not possessive like that

But if not, he will be happy that he can prevent you from having any negative experiences (same thing if he's your first real boyfriend)

Actually it would again feel like he's protecting you

If you initiate first and it's sooner than he has planned, then he still goes with it

When you do sleep together for the first time, he treats you like porcelain, and it's an outpouring of tender love

All his feelings have been building up, and he finally has a new and incredibly intimate way to demonstrate how much he loves you and cares for you

He'll probably say that he loves you, with eye contact, even if he hasn't told you that yet

Somehow it all makes him even more committed to you, which he didn't think was possible. It's like one final switch was flipped in his head

Because afterwards he knows for sure that you are the only one for him, so he knows he will do whatever is necessary to keep you near him and protect you, even if it means taking away your options

Having sex with you is probably what really brings kidnapping into the realm of possibility for him

Although he's really gentle the first time, he'll get firmer as time goes by

He'll be exactly as intense as you want him to be

Gives a lot of praise

"You feel so good"

"You're so good for me"

Overall he is a very subtle yandere, but don't underestimate him, especially if he perceives any threat to you

[life-rewritten]

WE BEST LOVE  (FIGHTING MR 2ND) ShouZhen and The Acceptance of Feelings, Love and Self

Warning this was really hard to write, I tried to be as sensitive as I could but if I have said anything ableist or wrong, and I need to be educated please let me know. I don’t mean to do that but when it comes to these two, I do have a degree in Clinical Psychology but there might be parts of me that are still ignorant, uneducated or insensitive to the community I don’t mean to be that way. So trigger warning(TW) for people, there are some ‘ableist’ comments or wording that I have to say when talking about a situation from someone’s perspective, let me know if there’s anything problematic about this analysis and I will try and edit and change anything that is wrong information, or offensive.

Oh god. This was a journey for me. This show like stuns me, I mean I’ve always known I would be obsessed with Xuan and Shouyi from We Best Love because they remind me of like a lot of couples I watched last year (Korean Psycho but it’s okay which kind of deals with the same themes in a different way, Flower of evil a bit more intense but still the same themes about society and ableism etc), so I’ve been waiting to write about them and discuss them in detail. Episode 3 just made me finally crack and start analysing them. I think the thing with We Best Love is that I am very surprised  by how this season has just been so good, and deep, and mature but at the same time it’s very risky what they’re trying to do. It can lead to backlash and offense caused if its not done properly. So take that with a grain of salt, as much as I am enjoying these choices I do know it could change in the last two episodes, I’m holding out hope though that this show will stay the way I think it’s going to go, I don’t think the writers mean to be problematic or insensitive I actually they’re trying to do the opposite but we shall see. Let’s get into analysing these two. I promise you this is worth reading despite the length. Let me know what you think 😊

So small summary we have Shouyi from season 1, he’s our cold hearted doctor, he is insensitive to people, he says things and does things without care about how it affects others, he rolls his eyes at Shide’s suffering with love because he thinks it’s stupid. He’s funny but there’s something missing for him, he can’t help but be drawn to someone who he thinks is a problem and wants to avoid but actually he also wants to keep and protect forever. And we have Xuan that person he’s someone who is autistic, he is smart, indifferent to people, he is in his own world and he is very set on Shouyi. Xuan has been chasing after Shouyi since high school when he first met him, and he’s determined to not give up on his love and determined to make Shouyi see that he also feels the same way. At first it seems like a typical unrequited obsessive storyline we see in BLs but there’s so much more to it than that and that’s why I adore this couple. Let’s break it down

As much as Shouyi is misunderstanding his heart, he’s also misunderstanding Xuan’s heart. He thinks Xuan’s feelings/belief of feelings is stemmed from his diagnosis of Xuan’s situation, so he thinks Xuan is ‘childish’ due his autistic tendencies, his other disorders, but before we go into more detail  on this base about why he refuses to accept Xuan’s feelings as real or long lasting, let’s talk about all the other reasons that others including Shouyi himself has given for why even though Shouyi and Xuan are two people who are in love with each other, (it’s a requited but they don’t know trope oddly even though it’s formed like a unrequited pining one sided love from Xuan to Shouyi), Shouyi refuses to acknowledge Xuan’s feelings and his.

 Logic vs Feelings

Teacher/Student: Morals, Laws and Age

Let’s first look at the first reason: the teacher/student issue that Shouyi used as an excuse in his head for why they couldn’t be together 15 years ago. A lot of people when trying to understand or form reasons why they thought Shouyi ran away from Xuan 15 years ago say that it’s because they were a taboo situation because he was essentially an older adult with a minor? A teacher student situation right?  So he felt logically and morally that they shouldn’t be together so they avoided crossing that boundary. This may be why he gave Xuan that ultimatum of finding him when he’s older and if they find each other again then Xuan can have a chance to chase after him though it’s a lie. And logically that makes sense, the teacher and student trope in romance love stories and BL can somewhat seem predatory and bring up those issues of consent, age and other topics. So normally it’s an uncomfortable thing to deal with, it does seem like Xuan was very young if we’re thinking he’s 30? Then he may have been 15-18 when they first met so there was definitely an age gap between them and Xuan was definitely a minor who probably shouldn’t be in a relationship with a teacher. It’s very good of Shouyi to turn away from Xuan at that time even if he did have his own feelings for him. Shouyi was a teacher figure, a protective guardian that Xuan kept seeking help and guidance from. My guess is that Shouyi saw how Xuan had transformed from the first time he met him to someone more healthier and better and felt uncomfortable when Xuan confessed how he felt and made it known that he wanted Shouyi to see him in a romantic way. So yes, the logical/moral reason for why Shouyi pushed Xuan away makes sense but I feel like there’s more to it than just that.

In the Taiwanese wiki because I’m not sure if this information will show up in the show anymore but Shouyi’s character was written as someone who was resentful to his parents because they forced him to do medicine. He ended up studying medicine but to spite them instead of becoming a doctor he actually chose to be a teacher/high school doctor which provided less money and skewed their expectations. Later he’d become a university doctor before finally quitting all that and choosing to run a bistro/café. Shouyi did not really mean to become a protective figure in his highschool doctor role, we see him as well in university he doesn’t do the role of a teacher/helper, he’s just logically following  the rules/operations that the medical occupation does. He’s also very rough with how he takes care of his patients and he doesn’t bother to make them feel safe/or cared for or whatever, he’s abrupt, rude and cold. But as we start to uncover when we finally go into the past so I will be also using their trailer/music video to analyse with this essay, , once Xuan came to Shouyi for protection and nurture, (latched onto him like a baby bird) Shouyi did offer guidance and care and knowledge to Xuan helping him want to do more, want to learn more, want to be more and grow so he did essentially without meaning to ended up in a teacher role for Xuan which is why he sees Xuan as a child in need of advice, guidance and immature/naïve. This is why even after they reunite Shouyi still thinks Xuan has the same characteristics and childish actions as he did when he was 15.

The Doctor/Patient Situation: Healing, Obligation, Protection

 The medical aspect of their relationship is important as well because both are connected to psychological disorders and Shouyi is again a guiding role and Xuan is a patient. Shouyi thinks because he’s studied medicine about the scientific explanations as a doctor about the disorders that Xuan has, what it entails, what it could lead to, how characteristics may be described and he rationalises and kind of judges/ stereotypes in my opinion ideas about why Xuan feels the way he does, or acts the way he does. So instead of seeing Xuan as more than a patient, his mind automatically sees him as someone with his condition rather just a person with feelings.  I’m not going to lie I think there’s a bit of ableism from how Shouyi treats Xuan because he doesn’t see him as someone able to function without his disorder, he kind of rationalises and only sees him as one static stereotype and is constantly diagnosing him. But I do think that’s something the show may want to call out, when they show how Xuan is treated by people or seen  by people because it does look like people automatically see Xuan as his disorder instead of just Xuan as himself. They blame a lot of things it seems on their mindset of what they think his disorder causes which is ableist. I think this is something Xuan has had to probably deal with since he was younger, and that’s why he’s so protective and adamant in letting people know he’s not sick he’s okay, he’s normal, he’s okay being himself, he’s not a threat, he’s not an issue etc. So I think we may have a commentary more on this in the subtext. But Shouyi is ironic when he plays a role in this because I think he is also someone who people are ableist to, I think he’s also like that to himself, because he also has a psychological disorder that makes people see him as that. Shide does mention how he should have known Shouyi won’t do anything for someone’s good, but for his own selfishness since he has his disorder in season 1, and I think just like Xuan this is something he had to learn a lot and accept about himself hence his issue with romance. So Xuan is an antithesis to Shouyi he’s more aggressive and protective and doesn’t like how society views him but Shouyi seems to have embraced and accepted his disorder and has a mindset that he’s exactly that and has also accepted  how people expect him to act.

Anyway because of how he views Xuan (like how others do) he decides that the reason for why Xuan is into him can be explained psychologically; he’s a child in need of a figure to latch onto he’s somehow attached himself to Shouyi (filail imprinting) because he was overexposed to him. There is so many psychological theories on attachment and imprinting, but this reminds of the baby duck syndrome. This is an effect when someone gets exposed to something/they learn about it, they immediately latch onto this as the best thing compared to anything else and thus can’t change or move away from it. Anyway what I’m trying to get at is that Shouyi thinks Xuan’s attachment to him can be explained by psychology because Xuan is like a child who has latched him onto him as his only comfort/hope/joy whatever, because of that Xuan is deluding himself into thinking that’s love. With this syndrome the duckling is willing to be obsessed, sacrificial, just determined to be near that thing that matters to them so Xuan’s focus and determination to be with Shouyi can be explained in his head like that. So he sees Xuan’s feelings for him is seen not as love but as an imprint seeing him as a guardian figure, teacher figure, father figure etc. Someone who can take care of him.

With Xuan’s actions you could see how Shouyi who has no idea about feelings would think so. When they first meet, Xuan was very protective and defensive hence quite violent in order to protect himself, he was even very scared and distrustful of Shouyi at first, (my theories is that he was probably defensive because he was constantly bullied and treated badly because of how some people saw his disorder). But somehow Shouyi manages to calm him down and show him care by taking care of his wounds etc, and it causes Xuan to notice that he feels safe and he cares about being with this person.

So with all that said, obviously again in Shouyi’s head there’s a logical/scientifical reason for why he doesn’t want to acknowledge or believe Xuan’s feelings as long lasting or real. Again it makes sense, a doctor/patient relationship again borders on a lot of moral questions and lines that need to be discussed with/dealt with before they can be together. Xuan was seen by Shouyi as someone unstable, violent, self harming, depressed, etc He was seen as a patient in need of help so as someone playing the role of his care taker/ doctor that’s the only thing that he should be to him. But again I think yes logically he thinks this way but I also think knowing Shouyi these are all excuses for why he actually cares for Xuan. There is definitely a difference with how he pays attention to Xuan despite acting like he doesn’t care, there is definitely more feelings of protectiveness and worry for Xuan, and although he complains about not wanting Xuan near him, there is a lot of feeling lack, emptiness and discomfort without him there which I think he’s going to learn more about this season when he finally truly pushes Xuan away. In season 1, all Shouyi did was pine and think about Xuan, he held onto Xuan’s items and refused to let them go, he held onto them like a memory and its odd, he also gets very angry when Shide takes some of those memories and gets rid of them (the noodles) and it causes him to be spiteful but Shide thinks he’s being spiteful because of course he’s spiteful, he’s Shouyi with an emotional disorder he doesn’t care. Shide didn’t understand what those memories meant for Shouyi which is important. Because Shouyi doesn’t clock that, that’s a sign that he does miss and does want Xuan by his side.

So in my mind he is in love/or did have those feelings even after episode 3 when they kiss. But he reverts to using logic to explain why it’s happening, he uses logic to remove the importance and sentiments of emotions and feelings concerning how Xuan treats him and how he treats Xuan. Why they are connected. So as a teacher the moral obligation to guide and teach and help Xuan is why he cares. As a doctor the psychological consequences of not preventing Xuan from hurting himself or going too far is the reason for why he must nurture, and protect him/carry him. And the thing is they both really again compliment each other though like I said even if they had feelings, they shouldn’t have crossed that boundary 15 years ago, but I want to explain why they’re a good couple and why they fit.

Love and Influence, Growth and Companionship

First of all they both have an influence on each other to be better/ to grow/ to learn. So from Xuan it’s clear there was a transformation from his 15 year old self without Shouyi to who he is now. I’m pretty sure his job interests, his ability to trust, and have hope for the future is connected to him discovering all that when he was spending time with Shouyi. Shouyi clearly made him see things differently, helped him with some lifestyle enquiries like he wanted him to be proud of him, he wanted to protect both of them so he took up boxing (we see him always constantly boxing in the office, he just learnt how to be more healthier (not because being autistic is being unhealthy but his actions were unhealthy when he was younger because he was self-harming etc). We also get to see how different he gets when he’s with Shouyi, he’s more confident, calmer, happier, just very lively and excited and it’s so adorable but also makes sense. Xuan is no longer hateful of people around him (not because of his disorder but because of how people around him probably treated him), or violent (he’s only violent for protection and defense) and actually we see in episode 3 him feeling very upset and guilty when he fights and Shouyi sees him because it seems like Shouyi made him promise to stop using violence as his first reaction to things, so he felt upset because he didn’t want to disappoint him. But we see in the future he’s not only better, but he works along Shide and he is a actually in a big role in the company he works for.

For Shouyi, Xuan makes him learn about his emotions that he thought he couldn’t have, Xuan leads him on a self discovery journey, to understand more about who he is and not what society thinks he is, or not what some diagnosis claims he is, and for him to know that he can have love and he can be happy. Xuan also represents to him ease, comfort and hope not yet but soon despite the fact that on the surface he tries to push him away, I’m sure this season we see him also relax, trust and just be more open to feelings the way he hasn’t been able to want to be because of others. They both have this message of making the other know that there’s nothing wrong with who they are, they’re normal and live a happy life despite what people have said or treated them as.

Deyi vs Shouzhen; Mirrors of Each Other

In a way Xuan is a mirror image to another character we know who he thinks has Shouyi’s heart Shide. Because the reason why Shide fell for Shuyi young, was because Shuyi was someone who he felt safe with, listened to, cared for, (same reasons why Xuan fell for Shouyi), Shide felt Shuyi led him to growth and purpose and determination to be strong and hope (again same as Xuan and Shouyi) and so because of his feelings he was determined to be near Shuyi and now in season 2, show Shuyi his devotion and love (again same  as Xuan to Shouyi). The love that they have for their person is automatic, uncontrollable, unconditional but also passionate and it makes them determined to be something to that person, to be with that person and to be in a position where they can protect that person. They both don’t mind if it’s one sided or if the love is more on their side than the other because the happiness they feel is by being with them and seeing them happy.

On the other hand Xuan and Shuyi struggle to actually realise their feelings that are also there just not prominent because they have a mindset stuck on logic, judgement but also on perceived societal opinions/rules. Let me explain so for Shuyi it’s because of his determination to not fall for men (because he had  internalised homophobia (IH)  something that is a theme that runs with him and Shide, it’s because of IH he automatically thinks Shide would choose a girl over him and get married and have a kid, it’s because of IH dealing with his father and the shareholders situation and the position of being his father’s heir that made him also say that he didn’t want to fall for a guy when he first realised how he felt for Shide), because of this he never saw Shide’s actions as romantic even when Shide was telling him/confessing to him in episode 2 in season 1, he always misunderstood Shide’s actions and intentions. This is the same as Shouyi who isn’t because of IH but because of ‘ableism’/raised with an ableist societal mindset  that makes him misunderstand Xuan’s actions  and also his own feelings and also it’s because of his own position (teacher/doctor role) that makes him also avoidant of dealing his feelings for Xuan in season 2.

Which is why I adore season 2, again in my previous analysis of this season, the aim of this season is to focus on maturity, real life issues, discussions and commentary on certain things because the characters in season 1 were more naïve, immature and starting out into the world, so its more prone to happiness, and love and all that (this is why season 1 was so light, and less angsty) when our characters grow older, the issues/topics that were hidden in season 1, (Shuyi and Shide’s miscommunication and misunderstanding about their actual feelings and their views on sexuality, Shouyi’s disorder and his mindset, etc) now have to be dealt with, discussed about but also fought with. Now every one has to fight for their path and deal with more serious conversations surrounding these things. That’s why it’s not a surprise season 2 is more angsty, more dramatic, more serious, it’s meant to be a mirror image of season 1, but just more elevated and deeper and more severe than what they had or what they knew when they were younger. That’s how life gets the more you’re older. That’s why I adore this show because yes season 2 is very different and more risky (they really took a risk with how they did season 2 as you can see a lot of people felt blindsided because they didn’t see the subtext and hints in season 1 when it was always there) but I like that it’s risky, I like that it’s tackling these issues, I like it’s more mature and serious but it still is We Best Love, it’s still a story about the innocent love going to passionate love before becoming the real pure definition of covenant love (unconditional, soulmate, growth, self love, self acceptance, communication and understanding). This is seriously why I love this show, I’m sad for the people who don’t see it as this because it’s always been the aim of the script writer to make it this way.

 Nature vs Nurture

Back to Shouyi and Xuan. Actually back to the funny thing about Shide and Shouyi. So Shouyi and Shide are cousins it’s been told to us but every time there’s a plot with their love interests there’s a misunderstanding that leads to a growth/elevation in their relationships because their partners misunderstand what they are to each other. In season 1, Shuyi’s jealousy about them makes him confess out loud he knows Shide’s feelings this leads to them finally dealing with the truth and coming out to each other. Shide does think Shouyi acted this way because he was angry but its actually because Shouyi is protective and caring to Shide in his own way even if he thinks he can’t care about people. The reason why he did what he did is because he wanted Shide to stop suffering in an unrequited love with Shuyi, he wanted to help but he used another excuse to explain away his emotions/feelings which is exactly his character and what we see he’s doing with Xuan. So with Shouyi he does care about people, he does have emotions but because of his diagnosis/ people told him, he doesn’t believe he does because I’m sure he struggles understanding what he feels.  But Yes so again with Xuan and Shouyi there’s a misunderstanding by Xuan that Shouyi loves Shide, which is going to play a part in their relationship, Shouyi uses this lie to push Xuan away and he thinks it’s a solution of making Xuan stop loving him. Because he thinks love is painful from watching Shide, he thinks the results of love isn’t worth it because he sees Shide suffer constantly because of his own feelings but I think he also envies them whenever they’re happy like we saw in the finale of season 1, he goes to drink looking contemplative and sad. He’s lonely. So again on the surface Shouyi thinks love is over rated and stupid but actually inside he feels empty and wants it but he thinks he’s unable to have that.

Let’s discuss Shouyi’s ‘disorder’ because it’s still very hard to process what he actually has. We know he thinks he’s emotionally defective like he isn’t able to feel emotions, or care about people. He can’t form emotional connections to people, he just sees them as nothing important. The only way I could rationalise or understand is to kind of group it with another disorder even I don’t know if it is that because I don’t think he’s a sociopath, but I see some of his symptoms close to ASPD? Or I guess I also think it’s just Alexithymia which is lack of emotional awareness where he doesn’t know what emotion he’s feeling but he does have it. Either way what I see with his symptoms is that he’s not unable to feel emotions I think he just doesn’t know or understand emotions/ feelings, so it’s like an obstacle or like it’s a challenge for him to fully come to terms with the idea of emotions and all that so he withdraws from that and sees himself as unable to feel or care.

This is my guess because it’s quite hard to understand his diagnosis when there’s not enough yet explained about what he does struggle with. Either way its either he doesn’t understand what emotions he’s feeling or he has lack of them. I think it’s the latter because I can see that he shows care to people and he’s protective and helpful to people he feels close to. (this is just what I’m seeing). Either way the similarities with Shouyi and Xuan is that they have both been born with something that has made them be seen in  a negative way or misunderstood way (as much as not everyone is ableist I still think that’s kind of the environment I’m seeing from the show about these two and how they’re treated. I could be wrong) and told different things about who they are and what they have. So for example I keep repeating that one scene but when Shide speaks to Shouyi angrily in season 1 in a very insensitive manner about his disorder, Shouyi is defensive and angry about the way he spoke to him, what he said about him, so you see there is annoyance when people say stuff like that about him even though it seems he also has embraced those ideas  about himself.

In his mind he knows what he has because it’s something he struggles with but I think it frustrates him that he doesn’t can’t explain why he’s the way he is, he probably tried to form attachments and feelings for people but couldn’t so he gave up on the idea of ever being able to do that. But I think it’s just because those people aren’t Xuan. I’m not fully sure about what kind of environment Xuan grew up in but if he was little and people made fun of him, or bullied him, or mocked him he would have struggled with knowing there’s nothing wrong with who he is vs a accepting what people said about him that he can’t ‘function’ because he’s ‘sick’ probably. Because he’s really defensive he does not like people telling him that there’s something wrong with him, that what he’s feeling is not normal or real, and he’s able to take care of himself and have a good life with who he is.  I think you see this struggle in him when he thinks Shouyi has feelings for Shide. Like he immediately once he gets caught fighting walks away sadly because you can guess what he’s thinking, it’s probably ‘Ofcourse it’s Shide he likes, someone ‘normal’ ‘stable’ etc” You can see him in my opinion regress with those thoughts which is why he turned away in shame and says to Shouyi if I was him you would care etc I think yes he fights what people say about him and he knows he’s okay and what he’s feeling but if people keep on making him feel like the opposite he will later regress and accept what they say about him. If he really does get pushed away finally by Shouyi I think he’ll finally really accept that mindset he’s been struggling to fight and reject that he’s ‘abnormal’ to society therefore he’s not allowed to have love because he’s an obstacle to himself and his partner. That’s something I think the story will show for them which is heart breaking. Sigh.

Taking A Risk

Before I continue, let’s pause because let’s discuss the trailer for episode 4. Because yes the trailer does make it look like Xuan hacked the computer out of jealousy and pettiness because of the Shide situation. I think this is a misdirect or a warning. I don’t think the writers will make him be the one who did that, by making him be misunderstood though as someone doing that, brings up commentary it brings up a discussion about how people treat him. So in my opinion there’s a difference if they make him the one who did that because of vindictiveness and resentment then that’s problematic but if they’re trying to show how people have been treating him all his life, I think that’s okay because that’s exactly the aim of the show, to show what he’s struggling with because of how he’s seen in this environment. I can see the characters thinking he’s the one, blaming him, being ableist and I think a lot of people are going to be sensitive and annoyed and I get it; it’s a very risky move by the script writer if she wants to go this way, for me I will understand because I get what the show is trying to say, it depends on the consequences if our characters do end up doing something ableist how do they get taught that they’re wrong and that’s the only thing about this risk that worries me she may not be able to fully make people accept the characters apologies/ flaws with this issue.

It’s so risky and this season has tried so hard with its risks to bring up stuff but I am really happy because we have an autistic BL character, I love it so much because I think it’s incredible. The fact that this season is tackling this conversation about psychological disorders; the fact that we have one character more defensive and determined to be taken more seriously because he’s learnt to love who he is and accept himself vs his partner who has never had that chance to think about what he wants, who he is, what he needs because he’s constantly thinking he’s prevented by his disorder  is something that’s very fascinating to me, and I’ve been so excited to analyse and see it play out on the screen by these brilliant actors. I have been begging for risks in BLs to be made, for more stories to be told that border on the line of sensitive topics and representation, these stories should obviously told by people who are representative of the characters but I also like that a writer took a risk to discuss it more and show it on the screen. I like that we have conversations about mental health on the screen and it’s important to see how another culture/country treats the subject of psychological disorders so we know what needs to be changed/ learnt/ discussed. However I do get that the autistic community and others could be triggered by things with this storyline so far I’ve spoken to people about how they feel about Xuan so far, and a lot of people from the community isn’t offended by him but that’s not a full population of people, but people did say they understood Xuan’s character. But I can’t speak for the community. But for me I just would love to have a whole BL season just for these two, because I really commend the writers if done properly on the risk they took to show this.

As you can tell from this essay I adore We Best Love, I know it’s a polarising decision because people seem to think this season is worse or whatever, but for me I love this show, I didn’t expect this show to be so deep and bring up these subjects it’s the reason why even when I could have written about season 1 since I noticed the themes that are more dealt with in season 2, I didn’t cause I thought it was just be me overthinking it. We Best Love didn’t promise to be the outstanding different BL, it really is simple in season 1, which is why I am surprised at the comments of people who say that they are shocked it’s just a basic BL, like what were they expecting the storyline is very easy to understand, and it does have tropes similar to other BLS, it’s just written better and has interesting characters and good acting. But season 2 is when they really go deeper and start to tackle really serious conversations and I understand that it borders on the line of toxicity, problematic content, questionable ideas but for me I’m so happy the characters are being shown as flawed and problematic. Like Shide and Shuyi weren’t healthy they won’t be until the end of the show that’s what the writer wants to achieve; they are going to end up growing and maturing together to finally get their happy ending, and that’s the same for Xuan and Shouyi right now because of mindsets, and misunderstandings etc they are going to be questionable but they’re going to learn to understand each other and show each other how they feel and grow together from their flaws. The characters are just humans, they make mistakes, they do things but they’re consistent with their character outlines and goals, the writer has never changed anything about the characters, she’s making them learn and mature and go through consequences for their flaws, and I think it’s really important to notice that. I think that’s enough reason for me to love this show because I really enjoy how she’s made a simple BL be very deep and realistic in my opinion about how people are when they fall in love. I also adore the whole team, the actors, producers, writer I think they have done such an amazing job and put so much effort, energy and hard work to tell this story when others don’t do that all the time. Anyway let me know what you think about these two, about the show, about season 2. I’m really surprised by the BLs we are getting lately I’m not goanna lie I am obsessed with every one of them and like just stunned by each conversation and analysis they bring. Absolutely phenomenal start to the year.