#tw sick parent figure + tw sick parent when i was younger (sick-sick)

[ratwife77]

Idk what to call this so I’ll just say unfortunately my favorite duo is Dallas and Darry (for the moment lol it changes every day)

Tw: suicide

Hope y’all enjoy, this is 1398 words, motivation goes brrrr

I only read through this once so hopefully it makes sense

He stepped out of Buck’s bar with two things on his mind: Advil, and a bite to eat. Last night was rougher than Dallas had expected, even for his first night out of the cooler. It was miserable in there, and he had to watch everything a little closer, eyes shifting more. Even if he didn’t want to, he behaved himself. He didn’t want to be there alone for long.

So when he got back, he drank enough to give himself a hangover. It wasn’t ideal, but he hadn’t been able to calm down, and it’d taken the edge off for a while. He walked a little quicker, intent on getting rid of the pounding in his skull. Soon enough, he saw the DX. Soda wasn’t there, and neither was Steve. It was Saturday, he guessed.

Licking his lips and wiping his clammy hands off on his roughed up jeans, he reached for the Advil. He realized he was worse off than he even felt when the pills began to rattle in his hand. Hastily, he steadied the hand with his other one. After he’d pocketed it and walked out, unnoticed by the cashier reading a magazine, he wiped the sweat off his forehead. Dallas cursed under his breath, hoping he wasn’t sick.

He’d been planning on seeing if some of the guys wanted to go see a race or catch a movie. When he was a block or so down the road, he pulled the medicine out and took one. Usually, he hated the bitter taste, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He continued to walk, then abruptly stopped, swaying on his feet. Dots of color flooded his vision, assaulting him as his ears rang. Despite that, he continued to walk, opting to head to the Curtises. He figured he wouldn’t make it to Buck’s.

When he got there, the headache had faded, but he felt pretty nauseous. Letting the screen door slam behind him, he walked in. It was pretty quiet for it being a Saturday. He called, “Anybody home?”

A voice that could’ve only been Darry’s replied, “Don’t slam the door! I’m in the kitchen!”

Even Darry didn’t tell Dallas what to do, but it was a reflexive statement. Dallas figured Ponyboy was asleep or something, and that was why Darry was keeping it quiet. Lately, he’d stuck to his room more, hiding away after his parents... He was strong, but he was sensitive, not rough. Dallas wasn’t sure if he hated that about him or if it was the better way to be. He only knew that he couldn’t stand to be that way.

Shaking the thoughts away and regretting the pain it caused him to move his head, he entered the kitchen. “Boy howdy, Darry, you look like you haven’t slept in a week!” In all honesty, he’d started to look like that more and more often. Not necessarily what a person looked like after an all nighter, with no bags under his eyes or sluggish movements. But shrugged shoulders and a defeated look- not the pride he had when he’d thought he was going to college. He didn’t look like himself, dressed in his clothes but also something else; a look of someone who was broken down, kicked about.

Darry shrugged, but his smile picked up a notch. Dallas wasn’t one for a polite greeting. “Thanks, Dally. Are you hurt real bad?” His eyebrows came together, and he looked the younger boy over.

“Just a…” he paused, shutting his eyes in pain but trying to put the smirk back up. Darry had his teeth clenched and his hand tapping the counter, hoping Dallas wasn’t as sick as he looked. “Headache, ‘s all. Mind if I lay over here?” Again, he wiped the sweat off his forehead and palms, trying to stop the shaking.

Darry didn’t call his shit, just nodding. Dallas was glad for that. Stalking back over to the crummy old couch, he laid down, honest to god thankful that he had a buddy that he could count on. It was better than loning it in jail, by a long shot. Slowly, he drifted off, able to sleep for what he assumed was an hour or so. He got up carefully, feeling somewhat better, but he smelled what he realized was spaghetti sauce cooking.

He’d slept all day.

The tow-headed boy made himself get up quickly, aggravated that he’d slept so long. He wasn’t necessarily productive on the daily, but he’d wasted all that time… he could’ve been hunting for action or something.

When he walked to the kitchen, meaning to leave, Darry regarded him with a lukewarm look. He was about to say he was gonna get going, not wanting to bum off of the already struggling Curtises too much, when Darry started talking.

“I reckon you should stay for dinner, Dally.” He smiled invitingly, and Dallas knew why the Curtis house was still a place they all came to. Darry was always there to take care of them. Even though he’d been around Darry for years, his throat went dry. He looked at the ground, then up at Darry again. His fists clenched, then unclenched, and the tightness in his face eased slightly.

“Alright, mom. I guess I ought to.” He shrugged Darry off, his eyes saying the thanks that he failed to verbalize. He ran a hand through his hair halfheartedly, taking care of some of the knots. Hardly awake, still, he nearly ran into Pony. “You’re so short, couldn’t see ya’, kid,” he said, chuckling and ruffling his hair.

Ponyboy shook his head, halfway grinning and half angry. He hated when people picked at him for being smaller or younger or whatever. Dallas eased up on him. “I’m just kidding, jeez.” He raised his hands in mock surrender. He guessed that Pony wasn’t having a good day today, because he just brushed him off and didn’t say anything much, just a quick quip.

There wasn’t much going on, so he lit a smoke and turned some show on, not really paying attention to it. Darry must’ve not smelled it, because he didn’t say anything.

Dallas felt something awful in his gut when he thought about that. He wasn’t trying to be an asshole. It was just…

He stopped thinking about it, resting his feet on the coffee table. His head was starting to hurt again, and so was his stomach. All he could do was shut his eyes, putting his cigarette out. The smoke had been making it worse. He was glad nobody was home except Darry and Pony, because he knew Darry wouldn’t blab and Pony wasn’t in a state to notice.

Soon enough, Darry called that dinner was ready.

He couldn’t quite get there in one go, a sudden burst of light in his vision. He mumbled curses, but got to the table. Darry pretended not to notice his state, knowing it might set him off if he prodded. They were careful about each other, and that bothered him, somewhere down in his stomach. But he took a bite.

The warmth of it surprised him, and it made him realize how hungry he really was. He hadn’t eaten since.. lunch, yesterday. Damn.

He ate pretty quickly, but didn’t get seconds. He’d taken enough. Darry opened his mouth to protest, but Dallas interrupted. He was feeling a little better, anyway.

“I’m not really hungry. Thanks, Superman. I’m gonna get going.” Darry might’ve argued, but he let it go. Maybe he was feeling the strain on his wallet.

Or, Dallas thought he did. “Dally, we’re here whenever you need.” His eyes widened. Darry meant every word he said, he wasn’t a liar.

“Yeah.” He nodded, setting his plate in the soapy water of the sink.

He needed the gang, and they needed him.

Maybe that was why he was punching in the Curtises number, with shaking hands and teary eyes. “I need to hide from the fuzz.”

Johnny was dead and nothing was right and- soon enough, he saw the lights of a police car flashing. He heard 5 people’s desperate footsteps. But most of all, he felt a hole that’d never be filled inside of him- maybe a hole that’d always been there, just growing to a full chasm inside him that night.

That empty space, that void, could be fixed permanently with a bullet.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Anon Advice Asks January 28th

angel anon, always about me anon (new), spoon anon, pg anon (tw-cancer), up to date anon (new), Twilight anon (new), galaxy anon

Angel Anon

Hi cas, angel anon here

Little smth else I also wanted to tell you

Two things actually:

I asked my mother if she's ever gotten me iq tested when I was like 9 (because ppl started asking me around thta time) and she said oh yeah e got all three of you guys tested (me and my two triple brothers) and said that we were all above average ans that just as an answer was so vague and ugh that I didn't believe it, at all. Either, she hasn't has any of use tested because I don't remember anything like it, or she had us all tested but we had varying results (because I know and my brothers know that I am objectively better than them at a lot of academic and other stuff) and my mother wanted to hide it from us because she doesn't want us to compare ourselves to each other

She keeps lying to my brothers and I hate it. So I'm applying to a school, it's a pretty special school like it's a different concept and it's harder and more specialized and it's amazing but you gotta be pretty damn good at working by yourself and just like school to be good there, and she told my brothers that they both could've applied there too and she keeps telling them they could do the stuff I do and go where I go when WE ALL KNOW THEY COULDNT. And THEY KNOW. and shes just trying to make them feel better like she has been all out lives but it's getting fucking annoying. Like they've accepted that I'm better at school than them, they've accepted that I'm highly intelligent, they've accepted that a lot of shit is just fucking easy for me and hard for them,, WHY CANT SHE.

and like I get it it's a hard position to be in as a parent but I'm sick of her doing the exact thing she always tries to stop us from doing, which is compare us to each other. By telling them they could do what I do she's telling them that they should be more like me and while I do agree THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE. It's jsut how ppl work. But she's got it in her head that if my brothers notice that theres differences between us they'll like themselves less

Whcih btw, not true. My younger brother has himself figured out and he's cool and we get along very well, my older brother... well he's a lot slower than btoh me and my brother but he's a very nice guy and he's jszt gotta figure out what he wants in life, I'm just sick of my mother pretending we have the same abilities. We don't, that's what being human is.

Anyways theres a lot more where this came from because this is like the one primary issue I have w my mother always have had, so you'll probably hear some more about it

Hi <3

Yeah honestly I think a lot of parents struggle with this- like how to treat different siblings and celebrate all of their strengths and weaknesses. And also like...knowing that just because one is successful by THEIR standards, doesn't mean the others can;t be successful in other ways. My parents are awful at this too. I'm glad you at least seem to support your brothers <3

_____________________

Always About Me Anon

"trust me i know it's always about me"

no because it's actually never about me. nothing changes because of me and in a way that's worse because i can't even hold myself responsible when shit goes down. my best friend ignored me and completely shut me out for a week because of something that had nothing to do with me. the first girl i ever liked didn't even really react when she found out from someone else that i liked her because she was used to people liking her. the second girl acted like she liked me like something could happen then switched up so fast but it couldn't have been because of me because the way i behaved didn't change. one of my other bsfs spends very little time with me, not because we aren't close but because there are other, better people in her life and they're more interesting than me and she's a free spirit who you can't tie down.

Hi <3 I'm so sorry, it's an absolutely awful feeling to feel like you're not the first chose or the first person thought about. You deserve to feel loved and prioritized.

______________

Spoon Anon

hi cas it's spoon anon

i can't really go to a doctor without my parents and i obviously don't want them to know about this. i need specific circumstances to study like i need music and i hate sitting at my desk because it feels too clinical and weird and offputting and i study better at night but my parents keep asking me to do the exact opposite because it used to work for them except it doesn't for me so i can't get by using their methods and if they can't understand this then how can i tell them about the fact that i might be neurodivergent.

Hi!

Have you tried asking them to maybe like...watch how it works for you? Like invite them to hang out with you while you study sometime and show them that you really are focused at night? Or maybe if you can find research that shows studying at night can be better for some people...I'm just thinking of ways to get them to believe you, since just trying to talk to them isn't working.

____________________

PG Anon

Hi Cas, it's PG anon

You haven't heard from me in a little while I don't think... But life got better. And now is, well, kinda shit?

I'm not really sure what tw to put here but there probs are some..

Anyway. A small update on P and G. I haven't heard from G at all recently, I am worried, but only slightly, there isnt really anything I can do to be honest. P? Uh. I'm not sure? Like we are still friends, and P hasn't really noticed the shift in friendship, but I'm more focused on some of my other friends and try to spend more time with them.

So I was kinda happy for a bit. I guess. There was some other stuff, but it's no-ones fault it's just locations and miscommunication etc. Which is sucky but couldn't be helped.

And now for where life's a bit shit

My friend has cancer. I've known this person for literally years, and we've always been there you know?

They got diagnosed with cancer like week before Christmas, had surgery around new years to get out the tumor. It's worse then originally thought and I just.... I'm stressed, and worried and probably should talk to an adult(I have) , but at the same time, I'm fine?

Like I feel nothing or normal. Not upset not angry just normal like 98% of the time. Like I don't feel crappy, and it honestly doesn't affect me

And then there's this 2% where I feel like crying a breaking down, but Iiterally don't know why because I look at this and I'm like this ain't causing this. I wonder if it's overwhelm, probs is. I haven't cried in over a year, which isn't good ig but I want to as a release.

I don't.... Really know what I want from you. Sorry. If like any advice you have or anything you want to say I'm all ears

Ugh

Life. Love it, but it does suck sometimes

Thank you for listening to my little rant

-PG anon

Hi <3

First of all, I am so sorry about your friend's diagnosis. Honestly, I think your reaction is understandable. This is a super scary, hard-to-process thing, and I would be shocked if you handled it with complete grace.

Honestly, I think you need a way to process this. Whether it be talking to an adult, talking to a friend, venting in my inbox, writing or drawing about it, SOMETHING. This is a big thing and you need to not keep it all inside, you know?

I'm sending you love <3

______________________

Up to Date anon

hi cas. since trump has been elected ive been trying really hard to consistently keep up to date and educate myself on things in unclear but it's really discouraging me. ive always been bad at self study, i cant sit and focus on things long enough to even gather the information let alone retain it. because of this i always feel extremely uneducated and misinformed because of all the bullshit that gets posted online tnat nobody fact checks. i keep running into things that i feel like everyone knows about but im just hearing it for the first time completely clueless. how am i supposed to educate on things i don't even know exist? i feel so out of touch but im really struggling with figuring out how learn on my own and relearn everything that was taught to me incorrectly. im so afraid of falling for traps or becoming complacent because im simply just not educated enough to understand everything that's happening around us

Hi! <3

I think this is a super valid way of reacting to everything, and a LOT of people are feeling this way. I struggled a lot with this during lockdown, and it took a lot of therapy to work through it. The solution that works for me is to limit myself to 2-3 news sources that I know are reliable and not full of fear tactics. I check those once a day, and then I move on. If people come to me with other things, and it hasn't come to my news source, I have to question if maybe their sources are valid.

I'm very much NOT educated on picking news sources, but UnderTheDeskNews on TikTok has been super helpful for me.

Remember to be kind to yourself <3

_______________________________

Twilight Anon

Confession time!

I just need to tell someone.

I watched Twilight for the first time and by god, I will never laugh at another movie more. Me and my sister were trying so hard to be normal but it was hard. When Edward stepped into the sun for the first time, we called him a human disco ball, a shiny Pokémon and a bunch of wild shit. We even started singing a small portion, the portion shown in the show, of Disco Girl from Gravity Falls. It goes somewhere along the lines of

Disco girl

Coming through

That girl is you

And 2 girls singing that off-key while pointing at a vampire is kinda funny at 2am.

All in all, won't watch it again unless I can make fun of it

Hahahahaha please watch the rest of them, it just gets worse

______________________

Galaxy Anon

Hi, Cas! Galaxy anon here.

I really appreciate your advice and I'll keep you updated when I finally talk to someone (I hate confrontation, so that could be a while).

I was also just really curious how you manage to keep up with what all of your anons ask you and how you remember their names? Like, do you have a notebook dedicated to writing down what everyone's spoken to you about? Because I know that I definitely would've forgotten haha.

Anyway, have a nice day! I'll keep you posted!

Yes please keep me posted!!

And I have a spreadsheet lol, or I would NEVER be able to keep everyone straight

[devynshaw]

About // Pinterest // Timeline // Connections

General Info

Name: Devyn Shaw Nickname: Dev, Shaw Age: 28 Gender & Pronouns: Cis Female, She/Her Home: District 3 Role: Tribute for the 75th Hunger Games Personality Traits: Adroit, Observant, Charming, Headstrong, Blunt, Impulsive Song: Church by Aly & AJ

Character Biography

tw: parent death Devyn was born a year before her younger brother, Luke. Their mother stayed home with them and looked after them, making sure that their lives were happy and safe despite the living conditions for the poorer citizens of District Three. Even though their mother was looking out for them, Devyn felt an obligation to look after Luke. She would stand up for him if kids ever picked on him, and even included him when she would hang out with her friends. Despite her lack of height, Devyn was a tough kid. She was more than happy to challenge bullies twice her size to protect Luke or her friends. Of course that got her in some trouble at school on top of tendencies to be listless in some of her classes. It didn’t mean she lacked the intelligence; Devyn was very smart. She was only motivated when something sparked her interest. And when it came to helping Luke with his work, a lot of Devyn’s lessons ran along the lines of “do as I say, not as I do”. Devyn wanted to be just as present in Luke’s life as their mother was, because their father sure as hell wasn’t around. Had she not seen him once or twice when they were younger, Devyn never would have known who her father was. Whenever Luke asked about him, their mother would fumble through an answer, or a false promise that he would come home someday. Devyn, however, knew better than to believe those lies. As far as she was concerned, he was dead to her, especially when she heard their mother crying quietly to herself when she was sure she was alone in their small home. One day when the kids had come home from school, they found their mother collapsed on the floor. An illness she had been dealing with for months finally caught up with her and was killing her. Devyn and Luke tried to get in touch with their father, getting help from family friends and their mother herself. At first Devyn was adamant about not going to her father, but Luke had been the one to convince her to try and contact their dad. They didn’t have anyone else to reach out to. But none of their messages were answered. Devyn took up the mantle of guardian, looking after both Luke and their mother up until the sickness took her and she passed away. Having to watch her mother die and getting no answer despite her reluctance to reach out to her father, Devyn’s burning resentment for their father grew. A friend of their mother’s, a woman named Astrid, took the kids in and watched over them as they grew up. Astrid quickly became a respected parental figure for Devyn and Luke. She ran a repair shop with her husband, Curtis, that the Shaw kids worked in. Astrid was firm yet kind, and she taught the siblings discipline and how to think for themselves. A lot of that stemmed from her distain for The Capitol and The Games, which Devyn already had growing up. Watching people getting called for the slaughter tended to instill fear and anger in people, yet many of them were too scared to rebel. And for good reason; The Capitol was not afraid to show its power over the citizens of District Three. Not to mention The Hunger Games taking place every year to quell any sort of resistance. Devyn hated watching neighbors and friends have their lives destroyed in seeing friends and family going into The Games and never come back home. Devyn’s biggest fear was Luke’s name being drawn for The Games and she wouldn’t be able to protect him. They both thought they had managed to evade it by aging out of the Reaping pool, lived under the ignorant assumption that they would lead quiet lives in District Three. But then, Snow changed the rules of the Quarter Quell and Devyn Shaw was named one of the Tributes for the 75th Hunger Games. The only solace she had was that Luke’s name had not been called, but she was still going into The Games. While she did have fight in her, Devyn carried the weight of the sinking dread that there was a very good chance she was not going to make it back home. But that didn’t mean she wouldn’t try. She had to, for Luke.

[emcant]

Really sick reason to be happy but I can't stop smiling

TW/CW child abuse, mental illness, SH

One of my aunts calls our family "yours, mine, and ours", which is accurate. We've got me, my (step)brother, my dad, my stepmom, and my (half)sister. My brother is seven weeks younger than I am. Our parents got together when we were around four- "work spouses" who were both recently divorced- and our little sister came a few years later.

My bio mom and my brother's bio dad are a mess, somewhere between incapable and unwilling to parent full time. I've been in therapy off and on for most of my life and got my C-PTSD diagnosis at 15. My brother, god love him, just reached his first year of sobriety, having started drinking around the same age.

Naturally, every time we had a chance to say "This isn't normal" to our shared folks, we'd be told "Well of course you'd think that, you're used to your other parent!". The other person was a shovel used for digs: "This isn't their house!". They'd call me by my mom's name when I made them upset.

I assumed I was broken either because of my mom or because of the split. I can't know for certain, of course, but I think the cause of the C-PTSD was specifically that they traded custody daily, at my mom's request, until she moved out of state. She gives the silent treatment. My stepmom screams. The rules changed on me literally every 24 hours until I was 13.

Life evened out a lot when she did move away - but not entirely. I wound up in screamland 90% of the time rather than 50. I couldn't figure out why it didn't feel right or why it kept happening to me, but I believed my folks: I wasn't used to it because my mom's "parenting" is different and worse. I felt sickened to be involved with my mom at all. I thought that if only she wasn't waiting in the wings, I'd be entitled to a normal childhood, but because of her influence, I deserved everything I got.

Anyway, I have been texting my little sister about Christmas gifts for our brother, and out of nowhere, earlier this week, she tells me she's going to therapy for the first time... because she's realized it's not normal for your mom to scream at you literally all day and your dad to not intervene.

I haven't been home for more than three days since I moved out over a decade ago. I had a chance to pass through the town earlier this year, didn't do it, and still had panic attacks for two weeks straight. I can't hack it as someone's daughter; it makes me physically sick.

But that isn't a me problem.

Not a one of them could hack it as parents.

I've stopped hearing my mother's doubts in my head - I cut her off when I moved away. I've never been quite able to shut off my stepmom's. The screamer versus the silence... it fits.

I'm not a poser if I can't create when I don't have a comfortable space to work. I should not self-reject because I'm frightened. In the absence of an abuser, I'm finding that holding ideas in also hurts a lot.

I'm not stupid or useless or gearing up to be a failure for needing the introvert rest period and knowing my limits. It will not hold me back in life.

It isn't normal to want to hurt yourself. It isn't normal for people to laugh it off and talk about themselves when you tell them you want to hurt yourself.

The mandatory insincerity I grew up around has thankfully faded a lot - I don't think I could summarize that anymore if I tried.

I'm heartbroken that my little sister is going to need to learn these things - but ecstatic that she will, and is actively moving towards it. Had a similar conversation with our brother a few years ago, but of course, he has his dad in the wings; it hits differently now knowing that it would have happened no matter what. Children in that home are screamed at, hit, and not defended. Simple as.

I'm not what they wanted me to be.

I'd say that's "fine" but that doesn't even begin to cover it. It's exemplary.

[elcor-thespian]

I just got back in to town after the longest (but ultimately some of the best) days of travel of my life! Let's answer some Rook questions!

Hiding under the cut because there's some fucked up shit in here. TW murder, violence, abuse, neglect

Nephele "Rook" Mercar: Starting off strong with the most fucked up one. Nephele grew up primarily with a single mom (Lorinda), who was a barely functional drug and alcohol addict. At some point in her childhood she gained a "stepdad" who moved in to the house (I haven't picked a name for this asshole yet). While her mom was mainly neglectful (but also did slap her around a bit), her stepdad was actively physically and emotionally abusive, and as she got older moved on to being other kinds of abusive. This ultimately culminated in Nephele stabbing him in the stomach with a kitchen knife (which she still has on hand at all times) and running away from home when she was 15. She doesn't know whether they are alive (Mom is not, step dad is). When she eventually learns this, Lucanis has him killed (I actually haven't decided whether or not I want her to do it. But one way or another this mother fucker dies badly.

Nasreen "Raven" Aldwir: Nasreen grew up Dalish and had two extremely loving and supportive parents (Tzofiyah and Zamir). Nasreen's magic manifested when she was about 7, and it was naturally necromantic in nature. Her clan was wary of her and distanced themselves from her, but her parents made sure she felt as loved and accepted as possible. When she's about 10, the Mage Rebellion starts, and various anti-magic mainly human mobs spring up as a reaction. One of these mobs finds out about Nasreen and tries to kill her. Her parents hide her, but are killed in the process. She ends up running away from her clan and ends up in Rivain where she is taken in by Aleksei's family. When she gets her vallaslin, she gets the same design as her mom with the color of her dad. After VG, she erects shrines to them in Arlathan and Nevarra.

Aleksei "Magpie" Laidir: Every group of Dragon Age OCs can have ONE functional parent, as a treat. Aleksei's father (no name yet) got sick and died when he was 9, leaving him with his mom, Marina, and his three younger brothers. Marina is THE mom of all time. She's a walking, talking maternal instinct. To the point where 3 years later, she takes in Nasreen after Aleksei befriends her and finds out she's homeless. Nasreen and Marina have a good relationship, but she was always a little wary of allowing herself to get too close to someone who is not her real mom. After she left Rivain at 18, she still writes letters to Marina and Aleksei's brothers. Aleksei still finds time to visit since he's in the Rivain area. After VG, Marina and Nasreen reconnect, and Nasreen introduces her to Emmrich as her mom. Marina is so proud of her children, and Nasreen and Aleksei pool their resources to buy her a nicer house. Eventually everyone in the VG meets her and she has a lot more adopted adult children to deal with.

Brenna "Kestrel" Thorne: Brenna was born into Amaranthine nobility to Bann Soren and Lady Nestra Thorne (I spent a not 0 amount of time trying to figure out if there was a canonical reason why I couldn't make them be the Banns of Amaranthine and I came up with nothing. She is the oldest of 6. She is a little older than my other OCs (like 32/33), so she was actually 10 during the 5th Blight, which inspired her to want to be a Grey Warden (she even saw the Hero of Ferelden one time!). Her parents were very against the idea and would punish her for sneaking out or practicing sword play. She still joined when she was 18 though, after which her family cut off all communication with her.

Elspeth "Crow" de Riva, Konstantin "Wren" Ingellvar, and Paloma are all orphans, with no memory of their parents. Paloma was a Saarebas under the Qun, so she doesn't have anyone to fill that parent role. Elspeth has Viago, as much as he would never admit it. Konstantin would look to Vorgoth and Emmrich as his parental figures if he had to pick. I love how we all just decided that no matter what Ingellvar was raised by Vorgoth. They absolutely were.

Heeey Howdy! 🤠 Happy Friday!

How it works: I ask you a question about your Rook(s) and you answer it with as much brevity or verbosity as you desire. You can do this whenever you want, and I’ll reblog it + add some comments! There’s no time limit— if you want to do the older ones, they are collected here! (The post is updated on Fridays!)

1/24/25– I schedule the RIH posts out one per hour between 8:30 am - 10:30 pm MST. I already have posts scheduled out for most of the day today, so your rbs will be a bit delayed! Thank you for your patience !

Today’s Question(s): Does your Rook have parents? If not, surrogate parental figures/mentors? Do they like them? Do they resent them? Are Rook’s parental figures proud of them? Do they talk to them regularly? Have or will they meet your Rook’s LI or the other members of the Veilguard?

Answer as much or as little as you like! Have fun?

[infernalodie]

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 || 𝐀𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐅𝐫𝐞𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐧

“𝘖𝘩, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘮𝘺 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘋𝘪𝘥 𝘐 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘢 𝘴𝘪𝘨𝘯 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘎𝘰𝘥 𝘖𝘳 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘶𝘵 𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘧𝘧? 𝘖𝘳 𝘮𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯 𝘮𝘦 𝘰𝘯“

Inspo: Sleeping Token - The Summoning

Pairing: Amber Freeman x Black!Fem!reader

Summary: Your open invitation was like you were summoning her to a higher place...

Warnings: Smut, Dom!Amber Freeman, Sub!reader, knife play, praise kink (which is just Amber being disturbing), blood consumption, fingering, and oral.

Words: 1408

DNI IF YOU’RE YOUNGER THAN 18!

Amber’s dark eyes were solely zeroed in on you. Staring at you from the shadows across the street from your house. A perfect view of your window and you sitting at your desk. The faint sound of music able to be heard from the tiny opening of your window with you showing care for the possibility of people in the late hours of the night causing a fuss. But that was the last of everyone’s concern’s when it came to the recent murder’s happening in Woodsboro. Perhaps it was the fact that you knew none of the victims killed personally or you just weren’t scared. Whatever about it had caught Amber’s attention and left an unknowing bubbling in her stomach.

She’d had her eyes on you for a long time–way before she even talked to Richie. And she wouldn’t lie that you were just the perfect design for what she wanted from a companion. An innocent girl that was unaware of the danger lurking beyond the threshold of her front door.

God, the things she would do to you. The things she would do for you.

You had her body and occupied a large majority of her brain that wasn’t already corrupted by the idea of making the perfect stab movie. Because when she wasn’t planning on who to kill within her friend group, she was contemplating how good you would feel around her fingers. Wanting to hear the sweet moans fall from your lips, calling out her name in the darkness, and knowing that she could be the only one to make you feel complete.

Because Amber saw you as branches tangled in a flood. Unable to break free and be taken with the current. Only able to wrestle and worthlessly fight for something you had no control over. Amber was the flood and she wasn’t going to ever stop until she tasted you on her tongue.

Pulling her phone from her pocket, she dialled your phone number before pressing it to her ear. She watched you lift your head from your homework, smiling at your phone before placing it over your ear. “Hello. Amber.”

“Hello, you,” Amber said sweetly. “What are you doing tonight? I hope you’re inside after the shit that’s going on.”

She could hear you scoff and see you rise from your chair and move from her line of vision. “Parents put me on lockdown for the next few weeks until the Ghostface killer is caught,” you replied. “They have to take all my assignments in and then grab whatever is taught and then take what I would get to do in the class. Hell, who knows, maybe I am killed because I am just locked inside a house all day and night.”

Then there was a pause, one that was too eerie for you. And Amber waited, wanting to hear your voice. But what she got was the sight of your front door opening and your caramel skin in the moonlight. Legs exposed with black lace panties covering your glistening heat from the public. A large hoodie hiding enough to be desired for Amber’s eyes. But your gaze was focused in her direction, like a feline’s vision in the dark, you stared at her with a sly smirk etched across your lips.

“But you wouldn’t let that happen right, Amber?”

Amber couldn’t help but release a shaky exhale as her eyes under the Ghostface mask ran up your figure. The large expanse of the inside of each of your thighs and if she was correct, your bare chest that she would leave love bites all across. Already knowing what she wanted to do to you with your open invitation left for her.

And when she stepped out of the shadows, revealing herself as the killer, your lips widened in a sick and twisted grin. “Come and get me, Amber.”

You couldn’t move. You could only allow laboured and choke breaths to fall from your lips, restraining yourself from arching your back from the sinful tongue flicking over your clit. The cold chrome blade of her knife gently ran across your skin.

Its sleek texture and dangerous purpose rivalling your own. Because Amber would dare say that your body was better than any weapon capable of killing. You could bring her to her knees, worshipping the ground you walked on and the way your cunt felt against her lips. You were dangerous and she wanted every bit of you that she could get.

“Fuck.” Looking down with pants falling from your lips, you saw Amber already staring at you, kneeling at the edge of your bed with your legs hoisted over her shoulders. A twinkle in her eyes at the sight of your cloudy eyes. The blade stood between the two of you gently nipping at your flesh. “Fuck, Amber.”

The sound of her name on your tongue was enthralling as you gently pressed the knife further against your flesh until a small droplet of blood appeared. Her lips wrapped around your clit, sucking with her cheeks hollowing with your back arching, pushing further against the knife.

Whatever you were doing to Amber, it was working. If this was a way to bargain for safe passage from her murderous intent to make the next best Stab movie, she was going to spare you. Just as long as you allowed her to see you like this more often. Because the idea of cheating on her boyfriend to experience this heaven-sent sight was making it all worth it. She would kill for you. Deliver the body to your front step still warm if it meant tasting the divine gift you held.

Parting from your drenched cunt, Amber pressed her gloved fingers to your clit and traced rapid and pressured circles into the bundle of nerves. Kissing, sucking, and nipping at the insides of your thighs, listening to your moans fill the quiet and dark bedroom.

“How’d you know I was Ghostface?” She murmured, kissing around your cunt that squeezed around nothing.

A shaky laugh fell from your lips, it quickly being replaced by a whimper from the blade gently cutting your flesh. “You’re a Stab fanatic,” you stated. “I’ve seen your room and the posters. Wasn’t hard to connect the dots, sweetheart.”

Amber’s lips cut into a smirk, standing to her feet and leaning down, kissing your stomach. Her eyes flickered up at you as her wet tongue graced your skin. Trailing up your sweating flesh and taking the droplets of blood on her tongue and humming. So warm. So sweet.

“God, you’re a gift, baby.” Kissing your plump breasts, she wrapped her lips around your pebbled nipple. Feeling your hands reach up and grasp the back of her head, sighing in contentment as you pulled her closer. “I would love to see you covered in someone’s blood. That would be a perfect scene in a horror movie.”

You chewed on your bottom lip, unable to hide the soft rut of your hips, seeking more from the god-given woman above you. Well, she was the farthest from God and she had noticed your needy body. Smiling as she slid her fingers from your clit and to your entrance, pushing past the fluttering. Tilting her head up with an open-lipped smile as you inhaled sharply.

“So fucking hot,” she moaned, curling her fingers as she gently thrust her digits into you. “Squeezing on my fingers so nicely. You’re just a dirty slut for me, aren’t you?”

“Amber.” The knot in the bottom of your stomach was tangling and growing tighter. Unable to hide the writhing of your body as you grounder hips against the palm of her hand. The cool leather against your clit became the grounding you sought as the precipice of your dopamine shot you into cloud nine. And Amber watched your face twist in expressions of pleasure, choking on your moans and calls of her name as the walls of your pussy twitched and clenched around her. A beautiful feeling that she wanted to make sure no one would ever experience besides her.

Your hot pants fanned her face as your half-lidded eyes stared up at her. “Okay,” she breathed, lips twitching to a grin when your tongue flicked at her lips. Daringly challenging her to keep going, reminding her that you are someone she shouldn’t underestimate. You were a batch of surprises. “I think I’ll keep you as a little secret, sweetheart.”

[randomfanficsig]

“I was 15”

Spencer Reid x fem!reader

Summary: You were interrogating your unsub who raped and murdered 7 teenage girls, until it gets to personal for you and Reid has to physically pull you out the room. The team soon learns a lot about your past.

Tw: mentione of rape, sexual abuse from parent. Mentions of murder. Teenagers.

—— ——

“They were 15 years old!” You shouted at the criminal sat in-front of you, trying your absolute best to hold back tears.

He simply just stared at you with a sadistic smile. It wasn’t hard to figure out what he was thinking and that truly made you sick to your stomach.

“15.They were 15. And you degraded them and took away all their innocence and control” you began shouting again, tears streaming down your face.

Reid, Morgan and Hotchner all sat behind the glass, questioning looks on their faces. Why was this so personal to you?

Once again, the unsub stayed quiet, same nasty smile on his face. Now was the time to try and hit a nerve.

You walk round behind him. “Was it because you couldn’t get laid when you were younger or because you were so weird to the other kids? Or maybe it was the fact you could never get it up?”

His face dropped, anger taking over.

“Did I hit a nerve there? Did I hurt your itty bitty feelings?” You mimick with a teasy babyish tone.

He stares at you, the smile back on his face. “And if you were 15, I would do the exact same to you, listening to how you’d beg for me to stop, how tears would run down your face just like theirs did. God they felt so good” his laugh makes you feel sick, bringing bile to your throat. “Maybe I’d even slit your throat just like I did theirs” he finishes.

Anger quickly took over, causing you to smash his head directly into the metal table, and wave of satisfaction hitting you as you listen to his nose crack under the pressure.

“THEY WERE 15 YEARS OLD. 15! YOU TOOK THERE LIVES FROM THEM. THEY HAD DREAMS,ASPIRATIONS AND YOU CRUSHED THEM UNDER YOUR FEET LIKE A CIGARETTE. I HOPE YOU ROT IN HELL!” You screamed at him, tears uncontrollably streaming down your face.

You didn’t even notice Reid and Morgan come into the room, until a pair of skinny arms wrapped around your waist and pulled you out the room.

“THEY WERE 15! I WAS 15!” You cried to Spencer, bashing your fists into his chest. He quickly grabs your wrists stopping your outburst of anger .

Next thing you know, his arms are wrapped around you, one holding your head into his chest the other around your biceps, holding you in place while you broke down in his arms. He just holds you, comforting you.

Derek walks out the interrogation room, heading to Penelope.

————

“Hey baby cakes” Derek starts, walking into Penelope’s office. “I need you to do a favour for me”

“Of course hot thing, what is it?” She quickly replies, playing into Dereks flirty behaviour.

“I need you to look into y/n’s past for me”

Garcia quickly looks up at him. “What happened to not profiling or not digging into each others pasts”

“I know baby, but this is really important”

With hesitation, she turns to her computers, typing magic into the keyboard. Not long after, a gasp leaves her mouth.

“Y/n y/l/n, raped at 15 by her father. Sexually abused from the moment she hit puberty. Sent into the system after her father died of ‘unknown reasons’. Mother died during child birth, meaning she was never around.” Garcia repeats from the screen. “Not my y/n, I love that girl” she finished looking back at Derek.

He leaves the room as quickly as he came in, this time anger filling his veins.

“Hotch, i need a word” he demands, walking into Aaron’s office.

Aaron looks back at him knowingly. “I already know, Garcia just sent over the report”

They both walk out, heading over to west Spencer and you stand. Derek joining in on the hug, not long followed by Aaron, which is a surprise as he doesn’t hug.

Penelope soon joins. “We love you y/n you know that right?”

You look up at them all. “You know don’t you?” You question, tears staring up again.

Your questioned was answered by the sympathetic looks starring at you.

“It started after I got my first period; the touches, the groping, the walking in on me while i showered. It only got worse as I developed more. He constantly made me try on bras to ‘make sure they fit correctly’ while he watched. My own father” you began explaining. “And not long after my 15th birthday, his best-friend, someone i considered my uncle, took me out for a ���late birthday day dinner’ but ended up raping me in his car in an empty parking lot.” You continued explaining. “When I was 17 my dad and his best-friend killed them selves, but it was ruled out as unknown circumstances” you finally finished, the tears much more heavier this time.

Everyone hugged you again.

“I love you all, I really do” you stated one last time.

They all simultaneously tightened the hug; and that’s when you knew you found the family you always wanted.

————

[yannowhatigiveup]

T.W.A.A: The Eccedentesiast

This is a one shot I started last night and I finished it at around 2 am because I’m an insomniac. Sadly this isn’t the 10k+ word one shot I was talking about (I’m still writing it aaa) but this one is around 4-5k words long so I hope you enjoy. This is rushed, badly written, badly plotted and badly named.

TW: Dark topics such as sexual assault and suicide is mentioned in this piece of writing.

Paris, the City of Love, what a big misconception that was. If anything, Paris should've been labeled as the City of Misery considering the fact it was haunted by a villain who preyed on negative emotions. No one outside of Paris knew though, they were oblivious to the fact hundreds, thousands even millions had died in the city home to the Eiffel Tower, only to be resurrected and tormented with the memories of their death. It was worse for Marinette though, she had watched all the citizens, her beloved citizens, die before her eyes and she was powerless to help them. Their screams of anguish and cries of pain forever ghosted her nightmares. It wasn't just their blood that she drowned in, she was bullied, abused and betrayed in her civilian form by those she trusted the most.

Her classmates. She thought she could trust them but they left her for someone shinier and newer. They all hurt her, destroyed her hard work, verbally and physically bullied her. Nino and Kim, her childhood friends had turned their backs on her too, even joining the others in causing her physical and emotional pain. Alya, her best friend, had become her main abuser. The reporter stabbed the poor bluenette in the back, figuratively. Lila was the one who did it literally. Lila, the sound of the name itself made Marinette sick, after all, the brunette was the one who did this to her. She made her friends turn their backs on her, she made them abuse her and she only watched with fake crocodile tears and a smug smile when no one was looking. And Adrien, he was the worst of all. When Marinette was younger, Adrien was the embodiment of perfection. But now? All she could see was a spineless coward and a predator.

As Chat Noir, he wouldn't participate in the battles, only flirting with her hero persona. He would whine like a toddler when she rejected his advancements. Even when he did join in the battles, he was useless, ignoring anything that Ladybug would tell him and go straight for the kill which never worked. Chat Noir was incompetent and a sexual harasser. As Adrien, however, he was much more. Just two days ago, he had tried to sexually assault the young bluenette. The blonde had underestimated the girl and she managed to get away but nothing could erase her memory of the event.

The ultimatum Lila had delivered to Marinette when she thirteen seemed over-dramatic and seemingly impossible at the time. Yet three years later, she was at the point of no return. Her classmates, her friends, her teachers, the boy she once loved, her partner, her parents. They all left her. Mayor Bourgeois, fearing for his daughter's safety, had sent Chloe to New York with her mother. Luka was on tour with his father so they could build a better relationship. Kagami had a family affair back in Japan that would last for at least a month. She was truly alone. Her parents had fallen victim to Lila's lies and Marinette overheard them discussing about kicking her out. The only one by her side throughout the whole ordeal was Tikki, her beloved kwami. Even Master Fu had to leave her.

Marinette felt shut out by the rest of the world. Sure, Paris adored Ladybug but it felt different. She was fighting battles alone, she stood as the last survivor, the last protector of Paris. She took that title in stride, or that's what the Parisians thought. In reality, she was hiding behind a mask.

The bluenette had suffered endlessly for years, she was ready to break that cycle of torture. Yesterday, she came to the solid conclusion of who Hawkmoth was, who is accomplices were and what his motive was. Gabriel Agreste was the man behind Paris' torment, Nathalie Sancœr was one of his accomplices and so was Lila Rossi. For his motive, he wanted to bring his wife back. Marinette understood the pain he was in but she wouldn't go to such extreme lengths as he did. Many years ago, Marinette made a friend, one of her very best friends who she fell for. But she never told anyone who he was, where he came from or even the fact that she met someone. The reason behind this was the fact she witnessed his murder. That death, of all she witnessed, was the most heartbreaking. Even when all these years have passed, she never truly got over his death. His green eyes always lingered her mind.

The bluenette let out an anguished sigh, she was on the Eiffel Tower, admiring the city's skyline despite all its obvious flaws under close inspection. Though Marinette had drastically mentally changed, she would always put on the same mask, she would always portray herself as a regular school girl. This was the one time she felt a little peace in her chaotic excuse for a life. Her blue eyes stared off into the distance, focusing on nothing in particular when she heard footsteps coming from behind. In her peripheral vision, Marinette could see the figure of Gabriel Agreste slowly approaching. Not wanting anything to happen, she made her knowledge of her appearance known.

"I never expected to see you somewhere so public, Monsieur Agreste" Her voice remained neutral. Gabriel didn't flinch meaning that he had expected her to sense his arrival, it made the young girl slightly unnerved but she refused to show it.

"The Eiffel Tower holds the greatest inspiration, as a designer yourself I'm sure you are aware" Marinette was used to his cold voice by now, she kept her guard up reminding herself that this was Hawkmoth was standing a few feet away.

She hummed, putting the two miraculous users in a deathly silence, until she decided to break it. "You know, you could've just asked" The older man raised an eyebrow in confusion but Marinette never looked in his direction, "It would've saved a lot of bloodshed"

Gabriel managed to catch up with what she was saying. "Are you implying that I am Hawkmoth?" He didn't sound offended or defensive, merely curious.

"I'm not implying anything" She replied curtly, then turning to face him. "I am merely stating a fact"

The miraculous user turned away from her, focusing his gaze on the city's skyline once more. "What are you going to do with this knowledge?"

The question confused Marinette, surely he would've attacked her or try to get her to remain silent?

He must've noticed her confusion. "Even if you wanted to, you wouldn't say anything"

Marinette turned her full body towards the taller man, she was going to end Hawkmoth's reign as quickly as she could. "I can heal her"

"What?"

"I can heal her" The bluenette repeated. "Emilie"

Gabriel also turned to face her, his usual cold scowl was replaced with a staggered expression. "Y-you can? Even after all I've done as Hawkmoth?"

Her head twisted back to portrait that was Paris. "To end it all, yes I will"

"Then please, follow me and I promise I will give you my miraculous as well as Mayura's. Just, heal my wife please" His tone changed from intrigued to pleading, Marinette could see that he meant every word.

"Oh don't worry... I will"

~~~

"I did it!" Tim's voice echoed in the Batcave.

"Did what replacement?"

"I found Hawkmoth's identity!"

Around three months ago, Wonder Woman had noticed Green Lantern trying to delete a video. She stopped him before he successfully did the task and watched the video herself, calling a meeting to express her anger about the situation. Most were shaken since they had never seen the Amazonian this livid before. She briefly explained how her mother was once a miraculous user and how powerful these magical jewelry could be. Aqua Man also shared his concerns, revealing that the fall of Atlantis was due to the miraculous. They knew the logical decision was to work on this from outside of Paris, the villain preyed on negative emotions and they had been ignoring the Parisians' calls for help for four years. Their sudden appearance would definitely trigger the heroes. So in the last month, they had gathered files of nearly every person in Paris as well as all the necessary information about every akuma attack. It was tiring for the Bats but they trudged through it anyway.

Damian had taken a special interest in the spotted-heroine specifically, without the knowledge of any of his family members. She appeared similar to a female friend he had made quite some time ago, the one who had witnessed an assassination attempt on him. He saddened him to no end knowing that the friend he loved thought he was dead. The green-eyed boy became one hundred percent convinced that this hero was his friend.

One day, Dick had caught him in the Batcave observing a recently taken image of the Ladybug heroine. His older brother thought that Damian was crushing on the lady and began to tease him as others entered the cave.

"Tt, that's not true" the green-eyed boy retaliated.

"If you don't have a crush on Ladybug then why are you staring at an image of her?" Dick added more information necessary so that his younger brothers could join in on teasing his youngest brother.

The Robin vigilante sighed and brought everyone's attention to the screen. "See that?"

"All I see is this little lady Demon Spawn" Jason's smirk was quickly gone when he noticed Damian's serious expression.

"She's alone" he stated simply and before anyone could get a word in, her explained further. "There is usually a team with her"

Everyone seemed to lean closer to the screen.

"She's fighting alone. Her 'partner' doesn't participate in the battles anymore, he stays on the sidelines, observing" He let the others catch up to what he was saying. "The attacks have been lasting a lot longer than usual, Ladybug leads a super hero team correct? Then why is she fighting alone this time."

"They could have all been killed... We have to go to Paris to help the poor girl" Dick turned to Bruce. "Who knows how much longer she'll last alone fighting a psycho butterfly man!"

Bruce's fatherly instincts were screaming at him from merely looking at the photo. "I'll announce to the League that we'll be joining the fight in Paris"

~~~

Gabriel lead Marinette to his office, Nathalie wearily watching. Just as he was about to open the double doors, his assistant collapsed in uncontrollable coughing. Marinette was much faster than the older man so she got to the woman first. The bluenette carefully put Nathalie down on one of the chairs available while putting her hand on where she thought the assistant would where the peacock brooch. The blue-eyed girl could sense the broken miraculous' energy trapped in the woman so she did the only reasonable thing she could at that moment, she extracted the corrupted magic, healing Nathalie almost instantly. Marinette ignored Gabriel's relieved expression and gestured for him to lead her to Emilie.

"When this is over, I wish to have a restraining order against your son"

"May I ask why?"

"..."

"...I understand, I'll make sure to tell Nathalie"

The older man stopped before a painting of his wife, his fingers reached for the painted shapes and pressed on them, revealing an elevator to which he went down in. Following his motion, Marinette placed her hand on the painting and allowed herself to descend down the mansion. It lead her to a repository with a catwalk which lead to a circular platform covered in luscious greenery. In the middle on the platform was a class-covered cryogenic pod which the sleeping body of Emilie Agreste lay. The bluenette carefully made her way to the glass casket, placing her hand on the transparent material when she finally reached her destination. Focusing all her energy, a red light erupted from her finger tips and it soaked into Emilie's skin. Gabriel opened the pod, carefully watching his wife as Marinette took a step back. Suddenly her eyes fluttered open.

"G-Gabriel, what happened?"

The man didn't reply, he simply hugged the woman of his dreams before turning the the young girl.

"I... Thank you Mademoiselle Dupain-Cheng, I can give you the miraculous now if-"

"Ladybug will be at the Eiffel Tower soon, I suggest you give the miraculous to her then"

Gabriel nodded and thanked the girl once more as she left. Before she reached the lift that would lead her back up to Gabriel's office, Marinette turned to face the newly reunited couple.

"Enjoy the happiness in your life, Monsieur Agreste, you never know when it may end"

She then turned to leave, not wanting to here what her former idol had to say. When she reached the main floor of the Agreste Mansion, Marinette was greeted by Nathalie. The bluenette acknowledged the assistant with a nod, meaning that Emilie was awake. The assistant let out a sigh of relief and rushed to Adrien's room, not wanting to be around the blonde boy, Marinette promptly left. Once out of the premises of the mansion, she transformed and waited for Gabriel to return the miraculous. What she didn't realise was that the Justice League would also be coming to pay her a visit.

It felt like an eternity, waiting for the miraculous to be handed back to her but the bluenette was patient. She waited four years for this moment, but she had to share the moment alone. It was bittersweet. Soon enough Gabriel arivied, hastily giving Ladybug both the brooches with apologetic eyes and leaving without a word. The spotted heroine presumed that he wanted to get back to his wife and son, she couldn't blame him. Ladybug reached for her yo-yo teary-eyed, she was going to put both miraculous in her weapon before returning them in the miracle box but she stopped when she heard multiple figures approaching where she was standing.

~~~

Batman and his sons were the ones to go to Paris and alert Ladybug of their findings. The five men found themselves in front of the Eiffel Tower, Tim found out that was were the heroes would return to after their patrol.

"We must tell Ladybug right away" Batman pulled out his grappling hook and flung himself to one of the higher levels, all but Robin followed suit.

The vigilante had a feeling to remain on a lower level. He wanted to be reunited with his long lost friend but he couldn't find the words. Simply, he used his grappling hook to bring him onto one of the beams, low enough so he couldn't be seen but high enough to hear any conversation.

"Greetings, Ladybug" His father's voice echoed through the quiet building.

"Monsieur Batman? Wh-what are you doing here?" Her voice sounded almost exactly as he remembered, of course it sounded deeper and more matured but it had a more desolated edge to it.

~~~

"We apologize for not intervening earlier but we didn't know how well we needed to control our emotions" Red Hood watched as Nightwing brushed a hand through his hair nervously.

"But we can help now!" Red Robin's excited voice came out of nowhere, Ladybug looked at the vigilante in surprise. "We found out Hawkmoth's identity so we can finish this once and-"

Ladybug put a single hand up, a small smile on her face, silencing Red Robin's rambling. "That's very considerate of you, all of you" Her gaze landed on each vigilante one at a time. "But I... have things sorted" She pulled out two brooches from behind her back to show the men before putting the miraculous in her yo-yo. "I appreciate all you've done, truly I do. But can I ask one for one more favor?"

"Of course, what is it?" Nightwing asked, clearly wanting the spotted heroine to be gleeful once more.

"Could you... help the other heroes to help the Parisians to heal?"

"It's the least we can do" Batman replied. "Will you be there too?"

"I'm afraid not" Ladybug turned around and leaned forward on the banister. "You know how Hawkmoth prays on negative emotions, so I've had to deal with my emotions in an unhealthy manor but now... Hawkmoth is no more. I can be free"

"Wh-"

"Thank you, truly" Ladybug jumped up on to railing, facing the group of vigilantes. Her sad smile faded as she stared at the floor.

They didn't even get a chance to process what was happening before it did. A bright light surrounded the young hero and they were forced to close their eyes. As the light died down, Red Hood saw a small bluenette. She looked so weak, so pretty, so... fragile. It hurt the vigilante's heart seeing someone like this being the sole protector of Paris with no one by her side.

"Hey little lady-"

"I'm sorry Tikki"

The girl looked at all the vigilantes slowly, mouthing a 'thank you' before letting herself lean backwards.

Gravity took the Parisian heroine and she fell.

A small creature holding something shiny stared in horror as its owner fell."MARINETTE!" The small creature's anguished scream seemed to bring the vigilantes back to reality.

~~~

"MARINETTE!"

Robin's head shot up, that name was all too familiar. Suddenly, he took note of a figure falling fast from above, her raven hair flowing in the wind. Without giving a second thought, he bounded down the ledge he was on, landing on one of the platforms and had his arms out ready to catch the fallen angel. The bluenette was close enough for Robin to grab her and he pulled her in so that her feet landed on the platform, her body still looming over the edge of the building. His brother and father landed not far from him, bounding over to help the bluenette but Robin took no notice of their presence.

"Why didn't you just let me f...all" The girl's voice trailed off as her eyes widened in recognition, the air in her lungs escaped from her lips. "...d-Damian?"

The two friends took no notice at how the vigilantes behind Robin stiffened. Her eyes developed a watery sheen as the situation began to really hit her. Tears threatened to spill as her lip quivered. Robin pulled her away from the ledge and she jumped into his arms, she was heavily touch-starved. Much to his family's surprise, he didn't push her away. In fact, he hugged her back. They heard what she said next.

"I... I thought you were dead, Dami"

"...why? What made you do this, Malaki?"

They didn't hear what she said next as her mumbling was muffled in Robin's chest. Nightwing walked up to the two first, kneeling down to be eye level with the girl.

"Hey Sunshine... we don't know what you've been through but we're willing to help you though it okay?" The girl looked at his sincere gaze, her eyes were so round with innocence, Nightwing thought he would melt.

"I... thank you, I'm sorry for worrying you when I... jumped" No one failed to notice when Robin ran his fingers through the bluenette's hair.

"Don't apologize Little Lady" Red Hood walked over to where Nightwing was kneeling, sitting next to his older brother. "Hawkbitch forced you to bottle up your emotions, you were just strong for too long."

Marinette looked between the two men, a grateful smile on her face while she wiped the tears of pure happiness running down her cheeks. "Thank you, I- this... this is the nicest I've been treated recently"

"If you don't mind me asking," Batman walked over and Marinette felt slightly intimidated you his presence as well as his tone. The dark knight must have noticed this since he cleared his throat and began talking in a softer manner. "What happened to cause you to go to such extremes? You're obligated to not having to talk about it right away if the subject makes you uncomfortable"

"Well I guess I do have to talk about it eventually..."

Recognising the bluenette's discomfort, Red Robin stepped in. In his palm was the shaken kwami who flew straight for Marinette once the vigilante got close enough. "Since you know Robin's identity, and we already sorta know yours, it's only fair if we tell you who we are, right?" He looked at his two older brothers and then at his adoptive father. "My name's Tim Drake nice to meet you"

Marinette was about to take his offered hand when the vigilante she presumed was Red Hood took it instead, "Jason Todd, Robin's most charming and handsome brother" She giggled at Damian's obvious annoyance.

"Well I'm Richard Grayson, Robin's favourite brother, but you can call me Dick" The vigilante in the suit who comforted her first, introduced himself.

"It's nice to meet all of you"

Batman soon came over as well to aquatint with the young heroine, offering out his hand for a handshake. "Bruce Wayne"

She returned the hand shake and brightly smiled, it blinded nearly all those near. "Thank you, Mr Wayne. Wait..." she turned to face Damian, one of her eyebrows raised. "Wayne?"

"I may have failed to mention that part" To Robin's surprise, Marinette started giggling so he huffed in taken offense.

"Sorry it's just- a girl in my class as been boasting about dating you and about the Wayne Family seeing her as their 'honorary member'. I knew she was lying I just didn't know that I would bump into the people she was lying about"

Bruce hummed. "We'll have to do something about this girl you're talking about. In the meantime, why don't you come back to the hotel with us? You and Damian can catch up" The older man saw the hesitation in her eyes but he also saw the willingness that shine through the most. "If you're living in a bad environment then you do have to escape" His sons nodded along.

"I'll come, can I bring some overnight clothes? It's been a long day..."

"Of course, you go get your belongings and you can meet us at the Grand Paris Hotel"

"I... thank you again" She transformed and headed in the direction of her house, leaving Robin at the mercy of his brothers.

"You like her, Brat" Red Robin spoke up first.

Nightwing pretended to wipe his tears. "Baby Bird's all grown up now"

"That means you can't adopt the little Pixie, don't think I haven't seen the adoption papers"

~~~

When Marinette destransformed on her balcony rooftop, she quickly went inside, packed some clothes as well as some essentials. When she was satisfied with her belongings, she gave a macaron to Tikki before heading downstairs where she was met with two disappointed looking parents.

"Is something wrong?"

"We've decided," Tom began. "We're kicking you out for what you've done to your lovely classmate, Lila"

"We don't recognise the person you've become, Marinette. You are not the daughter we raised" Sabine added

"May I pack my things in the morning?" Marinette inquired, her eyes void of emotion. When her parents nodded, she left the bakery and down to the hotel where Damian was waiting in the lobby. As she approached, he took her bag and intertwined their hands together. She blushed at the contact but leaned into his embrace.

When she entered the hotel room she was greeted by the vigilantes who were now changed and unmasked. The bluenette was welcomed with open arms, she felt the warmth in her heart for the first time since Lila's Tyranny. She briefly explained Lila's lies, what she had done to Marinette and how the bluenette was able to protect Paris. She would've carried on longer if it weren't for the hotel phone ringing. It was the receptionist, saying that someone had asked to see Marinette. Confused, she went down with Damian, Jason followed closely behind since he had grown quite attached to the little fairy. Waiting at the front desk as a woman, Damian and Jason recognised her instantly as Mayura. Damian tried to step in front of his friend but she completely ignored their futile attempts to keep her in reach.

"Ah, Hello Mademoiselle Dupain-Cheng"

"Hello Nathalie, we're you the one who asked for me?"

"Yes, I just need to clarify a few things"

"Go ahead"

"You're request for the restraining order has been fulfilled" the bluenette nodded, waiting for Gabriel's assistant to continue. "May I ask what did he do to make you request for it?"

The two notices how Marinette stiffened. She contemplated before sighing. "Attempted sexual assault. If you look at the camera footage outside of the Louvre from two days ago, seven pm onwards, you'll see your evidence." Marinette turned away from Nathalie and walked back to Damian who, once in range, pulled her in for a hug.

"I'll never let him near you again, Angel"

~~~

The next day, Bruce had shown up with Marinette at her parents' bakery. Upon hearing about the young bluenette being kicked out, he had asked for her permission for him to be her Guardian until she was old enough to live in her own. Marinette accepted his offer. When they had entered the building, her parents had greeted their customers kindly before recognising Marinette. Bruce turned to the young girl next to him and smiled.

"You go pack your things I'll deal with this" She smiled and bounded upstairs, leaving Bruce to talk with the bakery's owners.

"Hello Sir, how may we help you?" Sabine began, wanting to know who this man was.

"I've come to gain guardianship of your daughter, Marinette Dupain-Cheng"

"Why should we give you guardianship?" Tom asked.

"I'm sure you know the liability for child neglect, Mr Dupain" With his words, both adults seemed to turn white. "I will file the necessary and submit it with the court, I'm sure you'll be willing to give your approval"

Both Marinette and the mystery man left, true they were glad that their mistake of a daughter had gone but they wondered who she had gone with.

~~~

Later that afternoon was a charity event which the Waynes were supposed to attend as they were invited by the mayor himself, the plus side was that the Akuma class would also be attending and they had no clue the Wayne Family would be there.

"...And finally I'd like to thank the Wayne Family for joining us this evening" Mayor Bourgeois finished his speech and all heads turned to the table the Waynes and Marinette were sitting on. As his speech was over, a teenage girl with glass and a very pale brunette came over to the table.

"Hello Mr Wayne, My name's Alya and I'm your honorary daughter's best friend and I was hoping-"

"Marinette" Bruce began, cutting off the aspiring reporter. The Alya girl only then seemed to notice that the bluenette was sitting at the table. "Is this girl you're friend?"

The bluenette took one hard look at Alya before shaking her head, "No"

"Marislut what th-"

"It would be appreciated if you did not talk about my honorary daughter and future daughter-in-law on that manner" Both Damian and Marinette turned red, one much more than the other. "In fact we should be leaving" Bruce and the rest of the family got up. "Miss Rossi, I will not tolerate your lies. You will receive a lawsuit for defamation and slander. Have a good evening" They left, leaving a reporter, a liar and a class speechless.

When they reached the hotel room they finished packing up, they would be leaving that night. Marinette made a few phone calls, telling her friends that she would be moving to Gotham. They had their belongs taken to the limo downstairs and had a few snacks before making their way down. In the lobby were many different people around the bluenette's age, she recognised them as her classmates and continued walking beside Damian until Alex came over.

"Marinette... we're sorry. We understand that you probably won't forgive apps but we wrote you letters anyway" the skater girl gave Marinette a pile of enveloped letters, ones she put in her bag straight away.

"Thank you for your apologies but I don't think I can forgive you just yet, goodbye Alix" the bluenette got in the limo and let out a breath she knew she was holding.

Her eyes glanced out the tinted window, she smiled knowing that she was leaving Paris for a better life. A better life with a friends, a better life with a new family. A better life with Damian.

~Bonus~

The harsh blizzard outside was definitely being felt from inside the manor, leaving a cold and tired Marinette on the couch. Damian, noticing his girlfriend's state, went to grab a blanket to cover both Marinette and himself. She snuggled into the green-eyed boy, taking all the warmth she could get, and slowly she drifted off to sleep. Damian too felt drowsy so soon followed his girlfriend into dreamland.

Jason came in a few moments later to find the sleeping couple, he was then reminded by how tired he was so he went on the couch and leaned his back against his youngest brother, himself too falling victim to slumber.

The next person to walk in was Dick, he had just finished training so he was exhausted. But he couldn't help to coo when he came across the scene in front of him. The eldest son then got on the sofa and carefully leaned against Marinette, similar to what Jason had done with Damian. It didn't take long for him to join them in dozing off.

Tim arrived with a big cup of freshly made coffee, one which he was about to drink until he noticed his siblings all curled up on the couch sleeping. The co-CEO went back to the kitchen, left his cup of coffee then went to grab a blanket to join his family. Wrapping himself in a blanket burrito, Tim placed himself on the floor pressed up against sofa.

When Bruce returned home safely, he went to the main living room to see his children, and his future in-law who was basically his own by now, sleeping soundly with the TV still running. Reaching for the remote, he turned the television off and grabbed his phone to take a picture. He planned on printing it out and having it framed in his study. Bruce sat on one of the armchairs, taking a book to read. If there was peace in the house, he might as well enjoy it while it lasts.

[timefospookies]

DO YOU HAVE ANY REM HEADCANONS??? I love Rem sm

I SURE DO. AND LEMME TELL YOU ARG REM AND SPOOKS AU REM ARE COMPLETELY DIFFERENT JDISJJFIF

Listen I don’t know much about Rem from the wiki. All it says is they were mentioned by Duskworld lol

ANYWAY HERE THEY AREE

(TW TRANSPHOBIA)

Remi “Rem” Campbell (she/her)

- Born 1989, 22 in 2011

- Trans fem!!! <3

- Likes caring for plants :]

- Her parents joined the Moon Children when she was 8

- She developed her gift at age 12, that being Healing

- She can heal herself and others injuries but can only heal others from sickness

- Can heal injuries very quickly (although the time differs depending on the severity of it)

- The effort that it takes to heal can vary as well on the severity

- She can heal herself just fine, it drains her a bit, but it’s not terrible

- The only catch to her healing others is that it’s basically an exchange

- You could break your arm, go to her for healing, and she could heal your arm at the expense of hers breaking as a result

- An eye for an eye, as they say

- She’s very cautious with anything that could be dangerous

- She has a lot of medical knowledge and makes medicine from her plants!!

- Used to hang out with the preppy girls in the village when she was younger -> their leader was Maerlie lol

- Rem (14 y/o) trusted Maerlie with her being trans, but then she outed her to the entire village and all the adults got angry

- The High Priest wanted her out of the village, but Rosa and Matt could convince him to let her stay

- She’s considered an outcast from the other Children and it hurt that most of her family cast her away, but she learned to live with it

- She still has a bunch of friends who respect and care about her <3

- Rem mostly hangs out by the Lunar garden in the village since no one goes to it very often

- It’s filled with flowers and shrubs and growing fruit!! She takes care of the garden as if the plants were her children :]

- Rosa comes to the garden everyday to talk to her or read, even just sit in silence!!

- Alex also comes around often to chat about life, sometimes accompanied by Matt

- She thinks Matt is annoying but she’s grateful for him too LMAOJD

- The one who comes most often, after Rosa, is Nekko!! Trans fem solidarity <3

- Rem’s a great storyteller!!!

- I think she likes making up stories and telling them to whoever visits

- Can make up awesome and exciting stories on the spot!! It’s a lot of fun :]

- LIKES WORKING WITH WOOD!! LIKE CARVING!!!

- She could make a little theater and wooden figures to tell stories to the little ones!!

- Rosa and Nekko are her number 1 fans <3

- Can make beautiful designs on wood :3

- Loves listening to music and plays a little guitar!!!! (Which she made herself, mind you)

ANYWAY THATS ALL IVE GOT FOR NOW LOL ITS LATE HDIWNDJID

[agathasangel]

leave everything behind but me- part 1 (diane sherman x fem!reader)

Warnings: Diane is still extremely dangerous, TW for stalking, drugs, and illness (also brief vomit mention), hurt/comfort with a bit more hurt, this series may end up going in an NSFW direction but there isn’t any here, I really don’t know exactly where it’s going.

AU where pretty much everything in the movie is the same except the very last scene. Diane gets out of jail but isn’t able to find or contact Chloe. This is gonna be a series and probably way too long (I’m already writing part 2). Also I know there are a lot of Diane fics that are like this, sorry about that. But this is really fun to write so oh well. 

Summary: You finally got the courage to run away and start a new life. Diane gets out of jail. She can’t find Chloe, but created a bond with another girl, you. And she would never, ever lose you. After all, you need her.

You were finally doing this. You were leaving your home behind and never looking back. You never had a good relationship with your parents, and now that you had graduated High School your parents were constantly threatening to kick you out. So instead, you decided to just leave. You had found a town on the east coast (across the country from your home state) and you had saved all your money from your job for the bus tickets, and found a roommate online, Anna. until you had finally announced to your parents that you were moving out. They acted relieved, like a huge burden was just taken off of their plate. But you knew they were secretly upset that they no longer would have someone to blame every inconvenience on.

You sat on the bus, listening to music and looking out the window. You noticed a silver minivan that happened to have been following you almost all day and on two different buses. You wondered where the driver of the minivan was going. Maybe whoever the driver was was running away too, but was lucky enough to have a car.

The bus stopped in Chicago, about halfway to your destination, and you had an eight hour layover that you had to manage to stay awake for despite the fact that you hadn’t slept in the past 24 hours. You decided to go to a cafe that was next to the bus station to get some coffee to pass the time and keep you up.

“I’ll just have a large coffee with cream and 1 sugar, please.”

“Great! That’ll be three-fifty.”

You searched in your wallet before realizing that you were completely out of cash that wasn’t going towards your bus ticket or room.

“...never mind”

“Hey, I can pay for you, don’t worry about it.” Said the woman standing behind you.

“Oh, you don’t have to-”

“Don’t worry, its no big deal. Just come and sit with me.”

You had time. Besides, you wanted someone to talk to and this woman was quite attractive.

“Sure. Thank you.”

The woman ordered and led you to a table.

“So, what’s your name?”

“I’m (y/n). And you?”

You heard the barista say “Two coffees for Diane?” and the woman got up

“I guess that answers that?” you said.

Diane walked over to get the coffees and stirred in the cream and sugar into both of them.

She gave you one of the coffees and said “Yes, my name is Diane Sherman. Are you from around here?”

“Oh no, I’m from the west coast. I’m on a bus trip, moving across the country. Fresh start, you know. And you?”

“I have been too, actually. Well, except I’ve been driving. Why do you need a fresh start?”

“My parents and I have a rough relationship. I just graduated High School and I didn’t feel like there was a reason to stay. What about you?”

“I’m sorry about that, (y/n). I actually lost my daughter recently, I’ve been incredibly lonely. I’m hoping for a new start, and some new connections.”

“I’m sorry to hear that Diane, that’s terrible.” You wondered what happened to her daughter, but thought it was best not to pry into this woman’s life.

“I’ll get through it. Maybe I’ll find someone else I can take care of. Someone who really needs it.”

Diane asked you more questions about your family, life, interests, everything. You felt like this woman had a genuine interest in you that you never felt from anyone else. You liked it. But as you talked you realized that the coffee wasn’t waking you up, if anything you felt even more tired. Maybe you just had to wait.

“I haven’t slept in so long, I’m so tired. Thank you for getting this coffee for me. It was nice to meet you, Diane.” You said, sad that your paths may never cross again.

“(Y/n), wait.”

You turned back to her.

“I have an idea. I have a motel room with two beds for tonight. Why don’t you sleep there and we forget about the buses, you can just ride with me.”

“Where are you going?”

“I’ve bought a house and I’m going there, but I can take you wherever you’d like, there’s no rush. I understand you may be suspicious as a younger woman when an older person asks you to ride with them and stay in their hotel room but I promise I only ask because, well honestly, I’m lonely and need someone to take care of.”

It was probably the sleep deprivation, but you believed her. You got into her silver minivan and drove to a nearby motel. When you got in the room you immediately dropped all your stuff and flopped down onto the bed, exhausted.

“Hey, sweetie, you can shower in the morning if you want to but you should at least change into pajamas.” said Diane. You found the energy to take your clothes off and put on an oversized t-shirt as you listened to Diane sing in the shower. You fell asleep to the sounds of the running shower and the older woman’s slightly off-key singing.

When you woke up, Diane was reading and sipping some coffee. You noticed she had also gotten you one.

“Morning, sweetheart. Now, I’m not in much of a rush to get out of here so just take your time. Drink your coffee and then take a shower, alright?”

“Sounds good!” You said, starting to drink your coffee.

“Great. I’m looking forward to spending more time with you, (y/n). I think maybe we were destined to meet. You without loving parents and me, in desperate need of someone to love and care for.”

“Maybe..”

You couldn’t explain why, but you did like this strange woman. She seemed kind, and she was very pretty, which couldn’t have hurt. The only reason you said yes to her last night was because you needed sleep so badly but now that you were fully rested, you couldn’t say you regretted it. You walked to the shower and felt a bit lightheaded. While you were in the shower you started to feel weak and you finally fell over.

As soon as she heard the thud of your body to the shower floor, Diane ran into the bathroom.

“(Y/N)? What happened? Are you ok?”

“I... I fell... I don’t know why.” You said, a bit embarrassed of the woman seeing your naked body like this

“Ok, let’s get you dried off and dressed, then I think we have to get some food into you.” and Diane helped you up, helped you dry off and took out your most comfortable-looking clothes and put them on you. This whole thing made you feel like a child, but you almost didn’t mind. It’s not like you’ve ever been taken care of like this before.

“Lean on me if you need to, I’ll come back for the luggage after you’re in the car.” You held onto Diane’s arm all the way to the front seat of the car.

“Just wait here, okay love?”

She got both your suitcase and hers and but them back in the car. You noticed that her suitcase that was in your room was not the only one she had, and she in fact had several suitcases, and lots of bags. She was older and more established than you, of course she had more things than you did.

She drove until you found a diner where the two of you could get breakfast. She helped you out of the car and told her to at least hold her hand while you walked.

“I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, maybe eating something will make you feel better.”

“Yeah, I hope so. I’ve never felt like this before, I really hope I’m not sick.”

“I don’t think that’s it.”

While you ate you talked, and Diane gave you a pill that she said might make you feel better. You took it and you did start feeling a little bit better. 

“Is it working? Do you feel ready to go?”

“I think so”

And so you left the diner with Diane feeling a little bit better. She kept her hands on you to guide you as you went to the car, just in case. 

“I’m ok now. But thanks, Diane.”

“Of course.” She grabbed your hand for a second and smiled at you and your heart skipped a beat. Why did you feel this way?

Diane drove for several hours until you fell asleep again. When she woke you up you were in a hotel parking lot in a small town you didn’t recognize.

“Where are we?”

“I think we’re somewhere in central Pennsylvania. We have a lot more driving to do, but it’s getting late. Let’s get some dinner and get you to bed.”

That night was relaxing and easy. Diane ordered room service and you ate while sitting on her bed together and watching a movie. The two of you began to cuddle and you ended up falling asleep in the older woman’s arms. When you stirred early the next morning she was still holding you.

When you woke up for real, Diane brought you some coffee. 

Diane got back on the road and she asked you where you planned on staying. You told her you were going to stay with a girl named Anna who you talked to online. As the car ride progressed, the weak feeling you had the other day started to come back.

“That’s ok. You can stay with me tonight if you want.”

“You really don’t have to-”

“Yes, I do. I want to make sure you’re ok, let me take care of you.” You figured that if Diane were dangerous, she would have tried to do something to you by now since you’ve basically been alone with her for almost two days. How bad could it be?

It turned out that the house Diane lived very close to Anna anyway, so you decided why not.

You drove another seven or so hours from the hotel all the way to a small house in a very cute little town not too far from where you had planned on settling in.

“This is it.”

You got out of the car and brought your stuff into the house. It was a cute, small place that was already furnished. You and Diane both looked around. There were two bedrooms, one bathroom, and a living room and kitchen.

“It’s a good thing I got a two-bedroom, I guess. You can stay here as long as you’d like.”

“Thank you”“

“I’m gonna go out and bring some more stuff in and then I’ll make us some tea, does that sound good?”

“Sure.”

The two of you sat on the couch and talked while you drank the tea Diane made you. The tea didn’t taste bad, but it didn’t taste like anything you’ve had before. You told her more about your family life after she asked.

“Your parents were so lucky,” said Diane, who was getting a bit emotional, “to have a child as healthy and beautiful and sweet as you. There are so many people who would give anything to have what your parents took for granted.”

“I don’t know, maybe it is my fault. Maybe I was just a bad kid. Maybe I was hard to like, or dumb, or-”

“I don’t think you’re any of those things. And I’m sorry that you believe that, because it’s not true.”

“You think so?”

“I do.”  

You went to bed that night in your room and Diane in hers. When you woke up you felt weak and sick to your stomach. You guessed that Diane was wrong and you were in fact coming down with something.

“Diane!” You felt bad for possibly waking her up, but you’d feel even worse if you threw up on the sheets, and you didn’t know if you could make it to the bathroom. So you did it. She immediately came running to you.

“Are you ok, sweetie? What’s wrong?”

“I think I’m sick. Do you have a bucket or something?”

“Yes. Just one second.”

She left and very quickly brought back a bucket for you.

“I hope I haven’t gotten you sick too.”

“Don’t worry about that, I rarely get sick. Just let me take care of you.”

And you did. For the next few days as she looked for teaching jobs she nursed you back to health. Well, almost-health, at least. You weren’t having stomachaches or throwing up anymore but you still felt weak. She gave you pills and lots of them, and some might have had some bad side effects. All the pain medication she gave you almost had a numbing effect on your body. Anna had completely stopped responding to you and you worried she didn’t want to be roommates anymore, not like you could be on your own right now anyway in the state you were in. You needed Diane to take care of you. She was being interviewed for a position as a science teacher at the local High School but other than working on all of the application material she had all the free time in the world to be with you.

“Anna said she found another roommate.”

“Hey, don’t worry about that alright? You’re still sick and I really don’t mind you just... staying here and living with me. Besides, I really think I’m going to get this job and if I do I’ll easily be able to support the both of us.”

“Diane, you don’t have to... I applied for some jobs already.”

“None of which you can do when you’re sick, now please lie back down. I know you feel bad for letting me take care of you and baby you so much, but you don’t have to. I’ve already told you that I like having someone to take care of. And I know you like it when I take care of you too.”

And you hated to admit it, but she was right. Despite how horrible you felt physically, you enjoyed your time with Diane. You started doing a lot of fun things together. You both enjoyed yourselves, and Diane sometimes told you that she felt like she had a daughter again. She made you feel loved. You still had your own bed, but you often fell asleep on the couch or in Diane’s bed while the two of you cuddled.

“I love you, (y/n). My baby.” Diane said as you started to drift off on the couch with her that night.

[hitozy]

have you ever ‹ masterlist › denouement

tw! manipulation, mentioned underage sex, dubious consent, cheating. i also want to point out that reader is around 2-3 years younger than Iwaizumi, while Jae and Iwa are the same age. ps. this is a long chp :)

𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐲 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐤𝐞

Iwaizumi has no idea of what has possessed him tonight. He doesn't know why he's walking around the city in the middle of the night a day before he should be on his way home.

He doesn't know why after the celebration he didn't follow his teammates. He doesn't know why he has barely answered your texts since after the game.

He also doesn't know why he agreed to go and see Jae, to hear her out.

He's been doing fine so far, seven months Jae clean and while the first three were bumpy; your company had made it easier to deal with. Your cheerfulness, your happiness, the adventures you've both have been planning have taken his mind off the broken heart he was nursing.

She continued to contact him, even when he begged her not to and blocking her phone was no use, she just got a new one and tried again and again. His resolve was diluted and he knew it would be a matter of time before he fell into his old habits.

lil jae: congrats on the win haji! let me invite you to a drink, im in town.

-

Iwaizumi recalls an old memory from back in high school, a few weeks before moving to California, you were sitting on his bed helping him organize his suitcase with 'essentials'. His clothes all over the place but as always, you showed enthusiasm at helping him out.

He remembers you giggling and calling him a dork while folding his Godzilla themed underwear and placing it inside his suitcase. He remembers the way you hummed some songs that you had just placed on your shared playlist because 'it's kinda your style' and it kinda is. He even remembers what you were wearing, a pair of black running shorts and a blue tank top. When you reached over the edge of his bed for his fallen socks, your cleavage was visible to his eyes, 'If a man ever peers down his shirt', he thought, 'I'll kill him without hesitating.'

But what he remembers the most is you pulling out an old shoe box from under said bed, a shoe box that held his most treasured things. Pictures from his childhood that matched the ones on your bedroom wall, doddles from your hand, your favorite flowers pressed inside a copy of your favorite book, short stories and poems, snippets of stories never finished from you. He'll never forget your teary eyes and happy smile when he took the box from you, emptying the contents carefully inside his backpack. The hug you gave him afterward still sets his heart on fire, nothing has ever been more lovely than you and your happy smile.

He also remembers Jae coming into his room right during your hug, wearing an empty smile on her face, her eyes red and raging. He's only ever seen her this mad whenever he's with you and he still doesn't get it.

She stay's to "help" when in reality all she does is glare at yn the whole time. It helps that you don't even mind the glares or the bad mood, joking that 'Jae's grumpy because we couldn't go to the movies today'.

It was late afternoon when you left, Iwaizumi had given you a bag filled with some of his stuff - things he knew you loved and adored, things he couldn't take. He watched you get inside your parents car and wave him goodbye, even though you both knew he'd be coming through your window in a few hours for movie night.

He remembers when he came back inside to find Jae naked on his bed. How angry she was and how she took it out on sex, the tension so palpable he could taste it. Once it was over, she walked towards his backpack and pulled out all of YN's things and that's when it clicked. She was mad because he was taking stuff about YN and not her, she made it clear when Jae told him, 'What the fuck is this.'

-

He remembers that hours later, he finds himself in your room squeaky clean and wearing nothing but his sweatpants and socks, his back against your front with his head against your breasts. He hadn't told you that Jae broke up with him, but he knew you had figured out he was sad because your arms cradled him since he got situated there and had not moved since.

How Jae said she wouldn't move with him in the end. How she had decided to stay in Japan and have him go to California all alone in the end, just because she wanted him to. How he begged her to come, to stay with him, to not leave him and how he watched her get dressed to go home. How she winked at him as she left with a, "Call me once you're in Cali."

How she only wants to go out when she knows he has plans with you. How she only cares about him when you're around or how messed up and used he feels ever since she took his virginity during your 14th birthday party.

He feels disgusting sometimes after sex with Jae, disgusted with himself on how wrong it is but how much he loves her still.

He didn't have to say any of that to you, the kiss on the forehead you just gave him eased it all away anyway.

-

He remembers all of this while he's kissing Jae in her hotel room, her dress and underwear discarded somewhere in the room, his cock buried deep inside of her like a starved man, Her nails racking down his chest from his unbuttoned shirt as she moaned at the feeling.

When Jae separates herself from him with half lidded eyes, she smirks, "I bet my little cousin can't even kiss right, the little virgin." She kisses the column of his neck, grazing her teeth against the skin, getting ready to mark him as hers and even though he doesn't agree with her, he stays quiet.

A memory burst through his mind as he pounds into Jae. The way your sighed his name when he settled himself inside of you, the way your nails scratched his back when he hit your G-spot, the way you moaned when his thumb circled your clit; your gummy, tight walls griped him as you came, with his name on your lips. Your soft, pillow lips that have only been his, only kissed him.

"Be safe out there, Hajime! I'll be waiting for you!" She smiled as she kissed him goodbye by the front door.

He turned to deepen the kiss, pulling her closer to him like a starved man, "Don't worry, I'm not gonna runaway, mochi."

As he walked down the steps of his house, he heard her say "I miss you already."

It's then that Iwaizumi snaps out of it.

He pushes her off of him and steps back until his back is against the wall, feeling disgusted with himself in a way he hasn't since they broke up.

"I can't do this, I won't do this, I-" he pushes himself off the wall, tucking himself in and picking up his stuff, "Never again, Jae."

Jae watches him leave, a sinister smile spreading across her face. Her gaze steady as his figure disappears into the night, "If you think you can just up and go, Haji, you are very mistaken."

She walks to where she hid her phone and chuckles as she presses send, "Lets see what my little cousin has to say, hmm?"

-

Iwaizumi was worried, it wasn't normal for you to not answer his calls or texts. He was on the road back home with the team, their ruckus would usually give him a headache, but right now? Right now he can't focus on anything except the little 'unread' mark at the bottom of his last text to you.

my one: mochi? r u ok? im on my way back home

-

He didn't expect to come back home and find you in the living room in silence. Your eyes rimmed red and puffy from crying, you didn't have to say anything for him to know what had happened.

Jae told you.

He wish he could be surprised, but Jae had been nothing but a devil all this time and he can't believe he never saw it until now. Until he married you, an angel.

"Mochi, I'm sorry. I'm very very sorry, please talk to me." He knelt at your feet, his hands on your knees trying to get you to look at him. His guilt crashing down brick by brick, he should have never gone out to see her.

"I know this means nothing to you, mochi. But I'll never see her again, only when its a family reunion or you're with me."

Silence.

"There is no excuse, but yn, please, look at me, let me explain."

She pushes him off a bit, without much force as if her sadness took away all her strength and his heart clenched. How could he do this to his best friend? Lie and lie, again and again and again.

YN-”

“No, STOP! You- you got your say, now it’s my turn.” She's shaking and her breaths are short. She's starting to have a panic attack.

I get up and advance towards her slowly, “YN you need to calm down. Here,” I place my hand on her back, “let me-”

She pushes me off, her back towards me, “Please, don’t touch me. Please, please, please.” She's sobbing and its hurts so so much.

It hurts, it hurts, it hurts.

“Remember your breathing exercises, mochi. In and out. In…”

Eventually her breathing normalizes but she still won't look at me and it takes all of my strength to not touch her.

“All I ever wanted was for you to love me, Hajime.”

Whoever said words can never hurt someone, has never been in my place. She just stabbed me without a knife and its more painful than I ever imagined.

“I wanted you to love me, to see me as your wife, as a woman but you didn’t. You don’t and I- it hurts so much.”

“But, mochi, you said you would marry me so we didn’t end up with strangers.”

“I know.”

“Then why-”

“I lied. I’ve loved you since the moment you came into my life. I’ve loved you for years, even before Jae came into the picture. I’ve loved you so so so much, I love you so much.”

“… you know about Jae? Since when?!” I made the mistake of reaching out for her, she pushed me back and said nothing. The dread of her knowing, of her finding out before today makes me sick.

“If you knew then why did you marry me!? Did you think I would change? That my feelings would change? You know I’m not like that.”

“I do know. I- thought that maybe-, but then it was clear that nothing would change but, I made a promise to you and I said it in our vows.”

“YN-”

“I know the mistake is mine. I know what all the blame is mine to take, I know it and I accept it. I’m sorry, Hajime, that’s me that you have to stay with.”

She finally turns to look at me, but I wish she hadn't. The tears are flowing steadily down her cheeks to her neck. I did this to her, I hurt her again and again, without thinking. No, without watching. Because if I had paid attention to her like Jae did, I might have seen it sooner.

“We could get a divorce, you know. That way you can stop getting hurt. Stop your heart from breaking. You don’t deserve this.”

“It’s okay. I- I give you permission to do it, to break my heart forever.”

“…What?”

She takes my hand, and in-between the tears she smiles at me as if her heart wasn't breaking in two. As if I didn't shatter her dreams for a few sloppy seconds, “It’s okay, I know what I signed up for, I knew it from the beginning. I guess I just didn’t want to accept it. So go ahead, break my heart, break it into a million pieces! I give you permission, Iwaizumi Hajime, please just - don’t leave me.”

I can't say anything, what am I supposed to say? My sweet, sweet girl is hurt and damaged and all she wants is for me to stay. I feel disgusted in a way I never did with Jae, because instead of being used, I am using her.

I bring her into my arms, and say the only words that have actual meaning between us, "I love you, mochi."

"I- I'll do better, I promise. Please YN," He gripped her shoulders tightly, "Please forgive me, I'll do whatever just, I'm so sorry, baby."

He can feel the tears spilling onto his shirt, a scorching pain expanding through his chest at the consequences of his actions. He hurt the one person who didn't deserve it, who he promised to keep safe and happy.

"Hajime, please take a bath, I wanna sleep without the smell of Jae."

His heart dropped at her words, he forgot that he had just upped and left from Jae's, only changing his clothes for comfort. His skin still smelled like her. As he separated from her, he kissed her forehead, "Join me?"

-

He laid on the bed with her hours later, her head on his chest where he could see her puffy eyes. She had washed him thoroughly to the point were he thought she had scrubbed him raw, and he couldn't blame her - he wanted to do the same since the beginning.

He pulled her closer, practically on top of him and felt her heartbeat against his own. He had done something terrible and he needed to fix it, fix this. So he needed to take the first step.

to lil jae: for someone who says they love me, u sure like to make me miserable. i don't know why u hate yn so much and tbh i don't care anymore. i don't want to see u or talk to u ever again. if u contact me, i'm gonna get a restraining order, jae. i can't do this anymore.

to lil jae: goodbye jae.

do you wish to block this number?

yes.

Remorse is memory awake, Her companies astir,— A presence of departed acts At window and at door.

Its past set down before the soul,         And lighted with a match, Perusal to facilitate Of its condensed despatch.

Remorse is cureless,—the disease Not even God can heal;         For ’t is His institution,— The complement of hell.

Remorse is memory awake - Emily Dickinson

taglist ! @daphnxy @zukoslosthishonor​ @i-am-a-hoe-for-shinya @mrsdoradominguez-barnes @anejuuuuoy

a/n! *hands you all this and runs* i'll see you soon for chp11~

but in all seriousness, i wrote this chapter with my heart on my sleeve. love is truly the strongest curse and for it to be unrequired? imagine it.

now, i'm off to write the next part! and i am sorry :) ♥

[darktimesdarkvibes]

Yandere!Jun. K/Minjun (2PM) Headcanons

July 07, 2021 |  1,501 words

Series masterlist

Assumes reader is an adult, but includes for if you have an age gap

Gender-neutral reader I think

tw: age gap, toxic behavior, kidnapping, light stalking, yandere (which is basically thinking you are "in love" with someone but actually you should see a psychiatrist and that's really not a joke. This character trope can become very sick and violent and abusive at their worst, though I tend to go for the softer variety. They are often possessive, over-protective, delusional, etc.)

I don't believe Minjun is actually like this nor do I condone the unhealthy behaviour in this post

Starts off pretty soft but it will get slightly darker

It'll be hard for you to tell that Minjun is rather off, because mostly he just comes over as a more protective than you would expect from most people

He always comes off as very polite and respectful. He understands that you should make your own choices

Even before dating, he would just drop everything to help you when you need it, age gap or not

If you are on the younger side (early to mid twenties) he will probably not want to push it with you and he will try to keep his distance romantically

But every little thing you do is just so charming that even just casually being around you is exhilarating, especially if you are alone together

You just make him breathless

But then again on the other hand he doesn't want to end up becoming a problem for you himself because he can't control himself despite the age gap, so he does control himself for your sake

But still uuuugh the angst! The internal conflict! The tension! It's so rich

He gets headaches over it, he loses sleep, and even gets drunk occasionally because of this. He dreams about you quite often as well.

He's just always trying to figure out how to best walk the line between courting you and being just some friend of yours, because he still wants to be special to you

He's not sure where that line is, or even exactly what it looks like, but he tries his best

It's very painful for him, but for you it's worth it

He's basically planning to just be your guardian for the rest of your lives

Think about some of the Journey lyrics from their song "Separate Ways"

"Sleepless nights/Losing ground, I'm reaching for you, you, you"

"If you must go, I wish you love/You'll never walk alone/Take care, my love"

"Troubled time/Caught between confusion and pain, pain, pain"

"If he ever hurts you/True love won't desert you/You know I still love you"

He's close to that romcom trope of being kind of creepy, but the movie plays it off as romantic

When it comes to your love life, he won't even interfere if your s/o seems like a good person

He's definitely not happy seeing you with someone else, but he understands. And if they treat you well and make you happy then it's the best he can hope for

However if they don't seem like a good match for you he'll probably try to voice his concerns in as friendly and objective a way as possible but try to not push it too much

He probably trusts that you know what you're doing

If your s/o seems like a bad person or like they aren't treating you right, he may well do something more

He'll talk to you about it, and he may sound more like he's trying to actually guide you.

This can muddy the waters because he is too protective, so sometimes his attitude can come off as parental, especially if there is an age gap (I know what you’re probably thinking and really you can think or extrapolate what you like, but I'm not touching that meme/kink myself)

You're in his car and he's driving, and he says, "I just don't think it's a good idea. In my experience this kind of person is bad news. And I do have plenty of experience to draw on."

He may even approach your s/o to talk about how you are being treated

I say talk, but it could become very confrontational depending on how shitty your s/o is

Like if they are actually abusive, blows could well be exchanged

Overall his yandere rather unexpectedly manifests in him trying to keep his distance and just monitor/help you from afar

This includes some light-to-moderate stalking

More of a follow-you-to-make-sure-you-get-home-safe kind of stalking. He doesn't go to the extent of using a location tracker or anything like that

Another reason for keeping his distance is he is likely self-aware and realizes he is being a little... unorthodox in his approach

However if he's pushed and he realizes that making a move might help him take care of you, he will

Because if him keeping his distance is just letting assholes into your life, then it isn’t doing any good is it?

For instance, say again you end up with an s/o who is abusive or toxic in some way. In that case, he’s going to confess and try to be with you

"You deserve so much better, and I can give you so much better."

And once he's got you, there's just no shaking him

He will do just about anything within his power for you to stay together

Let me explain some of his inner workings:

With every milestone in your relationship, it's like a switch is flipped in his head

The first time you meet is a switch

Making you laugh for the first time is a switch

Protecting you from some creep in a bar is a switch

Then confessing his feelings and having you reciprocate is a switch

If you make the first move, he won't be able to stop himself, and that also would be a switch

Kissing you for the first time is yet another switch

With every switch flipped, he sinks further into his infatuation, and there is no going back

And you have no idea this is all going on in his head

Not super possessive, but if there’s someone he perceives as a potential threat around he’ll always be touching you. Putting his arm around your shoulder or waist, or even just on your back, is best for him in that situation

If he's in a situation where that may not be appropriate for some reason, he'll try to hold your hand or at least stand close enough that your shoulders touch, and he'll try to land subtle touches on you to show intimacy

Because he loves making it clear you are together, he loves PDA in general, even just hand-holding

Also loves physical contact with you for its own sake though of course, including when you’re alone and there's no one to see

Might kidnap you but really doesn’t want to have to do that

If he does, he feels guilty and keeps reassuring you that you didn’t do anything wrong and that he isn’t going to hurt you

"Y/N, Y/N, calm down... I won't hurt you. You're always safe with me."

He would need something he perceives as a strong motive as well

Perhaps you got into a car accident and he feels guilty because he feels like he needs to protect you from everything

Or maybe you were going to leave him/leave the country

But Korea is where he can both best provide for you and protect you, so he takes you

If he didn't, then he'd panic, because the world is dangerous and hard, and he needs to keep you safe, warm, and loved

For your first time together:

It goes without saying that he thinks you are just the most attractive person ever

But he wants to take things pretty slow for the romance

And for your benefit especially if you are inexperienced

But it's hard for him

If you have had sexual experience before, he's good with that. He's not possessive like that

But if not, he will be happy that he can prevent you from having any negative experiences (same thing if he's your first real boyfriend)

Actually it would again feel like he's protecting you

If you initiate first and it's sooner than he has planned, then he still goes with it

When you do sleep together for the first time, he treats you like porcelain, and it's an outpouring of tender love

All his feelings have been building up, and he finally has a new and incredibly intimate way to demonstrate how much he loves you and cares for you

He'll probably say that he loves you, with eye contact, even if he hasn't told you that yet

Somehow it all makes him even more committed to you, which he didn't think was possible. It's like one final switch was flipped in his head

Because afterwards he knows for sure that you are the only one for him, so he knows he will do whatever is necessary to keep you near him and protect you, even if it means taking away your options

Having sex with you is probably what really brings kidnapping into the realm of possibility for him

Although he's really gentle the first time, he'll get firmer as time goes by

He'll be exactly as intense as you want him to be

Gives a lot of praise

"You feel so good"

"You're so good for me"

Overall he is a very subtle yandere, but don't underestimate him, especially if he perceives any threat to you

[life-rewritten]

WE BEST LOVE  (FIGHTING MR 2ND) ShouZhen and The Acceptance of Feelings, Love and Self

Warning this was really hard to write, I tried to be as sensitive as I could but if I have said anything ableist or wrong, and I need to be educated please let me know. I don’t mean to do that but when it comes to these two, I do have a degree in Clinical Psychology but there might be parts of me that are still ignorant, uneducated or insensitive to the community I don’t mean to be that way. So trigger warning(TW) for people, there are some ‘ableist’ comments or wording that I have to say when talking about a situation from someone’s perspective, let me know if there’s anything problematic about this analysis and I will try and edit and change anything that is wrong information, or offensive.

Oh god. This was a journey for me. This show like stuns me, I mean I’ve always known I would be obsessed with Xuan and Shouyi from We Best Love because they remind me of like a lot of couples I watched last year (Korean Psycho but it’s okay which kind of deals with the same themes in a different way, Flower of evil a bit more intense but still the same themes about society and ableism etc), so I’ve been waiting to write about them and discuss them in detail. Episode 3 just made me finally crack and start analysing them. I think the thing with We Best Love is that I am very surprised  by how this season has just been so good, and deep, and mature but at the same time it’s very risky what they’re trying to do. It can lead to backlash and offense caused if its not done properly. So take that with a grain of salt, as much as I am enjoying these choices I do know it could change in the last two episodes, I’m holding out hope though that this show will stay the way I think it’s going to go, I don’t think the writers mean to be problematic or insensitive I actually they’re trying to do the opposite but we shall see. Let’s get into analysing these two. I promise you this is worth reading despite the length. Let me know what you think 😊

So small summary we have Shouyi from season 1, he’s our cold hearted doctor, he is insensitive to people, he says things and does things without care about how it affects others, he rolls his eyes at Shide’s suffering with love because he thinks it’s stupid. He’s funny but there’s something missing for him, he can’t help but be drawn to someone who he thinks is a problem and wants to avoid but actually he also wants to keep and protect forever. And we have Xuan that person he’s someone who is autistic, he is smart, indifferent to people, he is in his own world and he is very set on Shouyi. Xuan has been chasing after Shouyi since high school when he first met him, and he’s determined to not give up on his love and determined to make Shouyi see that he also feels the same way. At first it seems like a typical unrequited obsessive storyline we see in BLs but there’s so much more to it than that and that’s why I adore this couple. Let’s break it down

As much as Shouyi is misunderstanding his heart, he’s also misunderstanding Xuan’s heart. He thinks Xuan’s feelings/belief of feelings is stemmed from his diagnosis of Xuan’s situation, so he thinks Xuan is ‘childish’ due his autistic tendencies, his other disorders, but before we go into more detail  on this base about why he refuses to accept Xuan’s feelings as real or long lasting, let’s talk about all the other reasons that others including Shouyi himself has given for why even though Shouyi and Xuan are two people who are in love with each other, (it’s a requited but they don’t know trope oddly even though it’s formed like a unrequited pining one sided love from Xuan to Shouyi), Shouyi refuses to acknowledge Xuan’s feelings and his.

 Logic vs Feelings

Teacher/Student: Morals, Laws and Age

Let’s first look at the first reason: the teacher/student issue that Shouyi used as an excuse in his head for why they couldn’t be together 15 years ago. A lot of people when trying to understand or form reasons why they thought Shouyi ran away from Xuan 15 years ago say that it’s because they were a taboo situation because he was essentially an older adult with a minor? A teacher student situation right?  So he felt logically and morally that they shouldn’t be together so they avoided crossing that boundary. This may be why he gave Xuan that ultimatum of finding him when he’s older and if they find each other again then Xuan can have a chance to chase after him though it’s a lie. And logically that makes sense, the teacher and student trope in romance love stories and BL can somewhat seem predatory and bring up those issues of consent, age and other topics. So normally it’s an uncomfortable thing to deal with, it does seem like Xuan was very young if we’re thinking he’s 30? Then he may have been 15-18 when they first met so there was definitely an age gap between them and Xuan was definitely a minor who probably shouldn’t be in a relationship with a teacher. It’s very good of Shouyi to turn away from Xuan at that time even if he did have his own feelings for him. Shouyi was a teacher figure, a protective guardian that Xuan kept seeking help and guidance from. My guess is that Shouyi saw how Xuan had transformed from the first time he met him to someone more healthier and better and felt uncomfortable when Xuan confessed how he felt and made it known that he wanted Shouyi to see him in a romantic way. So yes, the logical/moral reason for why Shouyi pushed Xuan away makes sense but I feel like there’s more to it than just that.

In the Taiwanese wiki because I’m not sure if this information will show up in the show anymore but Shouyi’s character was written as someone who was resentful to his parents because they forced him to do medicine. He ended up studying medicine but to spite them instead of becoming a doctor he actually chose to be a teacher/high school doctor which provided less money and skewed their expectations. Later he’d become a university doctor before finally quitting all that and choosing to run a bistro/café. Shouyi did not really mean to become a protective figure in his highschool doctor role, we see him as well in university he doesn’t do the role of a teacher/helper, he’s just logically following  the rules/operations that the medical occupation does. He’s also very rough with how he takes care of his patients and he doesn’t bother to make them feel safe/or cared for or whatever, he’s abrupt, rude and cold. But as we start to uncover when we finally go into the past so I will be also using their trailer/music video to analyse with this essay, , once Xuan came to Shouyi for protection and nurture, (latched onto him like a baby bird) Shouyi did offer guidance and care and knowledge to Xuan helping him want to do more, want to learn more, want to be more and grow so he did essentially without meaning to ended up in a teacher role for Xuan which is why he sees Xuan as a child in need of advice, guidance and immature/naïve. This is why even after they reunite Shouyi still thinks Xuan has the same characteristics and childish actions as he did when he was 15.

The Doctor/Patient Situation: Healing, Obligation, Protection

 The medical aspect of their relationship is important as well because both are connected to psychological disorders and Shouyi is again a guiding role and Xuan is a patient. Shouyi thinks because he’s studied medicine about the scientific explanations as a doctor about the disorders that Xuan has, what it entails, what it could lead to, how characteristics may be described and he rationalises and kind of judges/ stereotypes in my opinion ideas about why Xuan feels the way he does, or acts the way he does. So instead of seeing Xuan as more than a patient, his mind automatically sees him as someone with his condition rather just a person with feelings.  I’m not going to lie I think there’s a bit of ableism from how Shouyi treats Xuan because he doesn’t see him as someone able to function without his disorder, he kind of rationalises and only sees him as one static stereotype and is constantly diagnosing him. But I do think that’s something the show may want to call out, when they show how Xuan is treated by people or seen  by people because it does look like people automatically see Xuan as his disorder instead of just Xuan as himself. They blame a lot of things it seems on their mindset of what they think his disorder causes which is ableist. I think this is something Xuan has had to probably deal with since he was younger, and that’s why he’s so protective and adamant in letting people know he’s not sick he’s okay, he’s normal, he’s okay being himself, he’s not a threat, he’s not an issue etc. So I think we may have a commentary more on this in the subtext. But Shouyi is ironic when he plays a role in this because I think he is also someone who people are ableist to, I think he’s also like that to himself, because he also has a psychological disorder that makes people see him as that. Shide does mention how he should have known Shouyi won’t do anything for someone’s good, but for his own selfishness since he has his disorder in season 1, and I think just like Xuan this is something he had to learn a lot and accept about himself hence his issue with romance. So Xuan is an antithesis to Shouyi he’s more aggressive and protective and doesn’t like how society views him but Shouyi seems to have embraced and accepted his disorder and has a mindset that he’s exactly that and has also accepted  how people expect him to act.

Anyway because of how he views Xuan (like how others do) he decides that the reason for why Xuan is into him can be explained psychologically; he’s a child in need of a figure to latch onto he’s somehow attached himself to Shouyi (filail imprinting) because he was overexposed to him. There is so many psychological theories on attachment and imprinting, but this reminds of the baby duck syndrome. This is an effect when someone gets exposed to something/they learn about it, they immediately latch onto this as the best thing compared to anything else and thus can’t change or move away from it. Anyway what I’m trying to get at is that Shouyi thinks Xuan’s attachment to him can be explained by psychology because Xuan is like a child who has latched him onto him as his only comfort/hope/joy whatever, because of that Xuan is deluding himself into thinking that’s love. With this syndrome the duckling is willing to be obsessed, sacrificial, just determined to be near that thing that matters to them so Xuan’s focus and determination to be with Shouyi can be explained in his head like that. So he sees Xuan’s feelings for him is seen not as love but as an imprint seeing him as a guardian figure, teacher figure, father figure etc. Someone who can take care of him.

With Xuan’s actions you could see how Shouyi who has no idea about feelings would think so. When they first meet, Xuan was very protective and defensive hence quite violent in order to protect himself, he was even very scared and distrustful of Shouyi at first, (my theories is that he was probably defensive because he was constantly bullied and treated badly because of how some people saw his disorder). But somehow Shouyi manages to calm him down and show him care by taking care of his wounds etc, and it causes Xuan to notice that he feels safe and he cares about being with this person.

So with all that said, obviously again in Shouyi’s head there’s a logical/scientifical reason for why he doesn’t want to acknowledge or believe Xuan’s feelings as long lasting or real. Again it makes sense, a doctor/patient relationship again borders on a lot of moral questions and lines that need to be discussed with/dealt with before they can be together. Xuan was seen by Shouyi as someone unstable, violent, self harming, depressed, etc He was seen as a patient in need of help so as someone playing the role of his care taker/ doctor that’s the only thing that he should be to him. But again I think yes logically he thinks this way but I also think knowing Shouyi these are all excuses for why he actually cares for Xuan. There is definitely a difference with how he pays attention to Xuan despite acting like he doesn’t care, there is definitely more feelings of protectiveness and worry for Xuan, and although he complains about not wanting Xuan near him, there is a lot of feeling lack, emptiness and discomfort without him there which I think he’s going to learn more about this season when he finally truly pushes Xuan away. In season 1, all Shouyi did was pine and think about Xuan, he held onto Xuan’s items and refused to let them go, he held onto them like a memory and its odd, he also gets very angry when Shide takes some of those memories and gets rid of them (the noodles) and it causes him to be spiteful but Shide thinks he’s being spiteful because of course he’s spiteful, he’s Shouyi with an emotional disorder he doesn’t care. Shide didn’t understand what those memories meant for Shouyi which is important. Because Shouyi doesn’t clock that, that’s a sign that he does miss and does want Xuan by his side.

So in my mind he is in love/or did have those feelings even after episode 3 when they kiss. But he reverts to using logic to explain why it’s happening, he uses logic to remove the importance and sentiments of emotions and feelings concerning how Xuan treats him and how he treats Xuan. Why they are connected. So as a teacher the moral obligation to guide and teach and help Xuan is why he cares. As a doctor the psychological consequences of not preventing Xuan from hurting himself or going too far is the reason for why he must nurture, and protect him/carry him. And the thing is they both really again compliment each other though like I said even if they had feelings, they shouldn’t have crossed that boundary 15 years ago, but I want to explain why they’re a good couple and why they fit.

Love and Influence, Growth and Companionship

First of all they both have an influence on each other to be better/ to grow/ to learn. So from Xuan it’s clear there was a transformation from his 15 year old self without Shouyi to who he is now. I’m pretty sure his job interests, his ability to trust, and have hope for the future is connected to him discovering all that when he was spending time with Shouyi. Shouyi clearly made him see things differently, helped him with some lifestyle enquiries like he wanted him to be proud of him, he wanted to protect both of them so he took up boxing (we see him always constantly boxing in the office, he just learnt how to be more healthier (not because being autistic is being unhealthy but his actions were unhealthy when he was younger because he was self-harming etc). We also get to see how different he gets when he’s with Shouyi, he’s more confident, calmer, happier, just very lively and excited and it’s so adorable but also makes sense. Xuan is no longer hateful of people around him (not because of his disorder but because of how people around him probably treated him), or violent (he’s only violent for protection and defense) and actually we see in episode 3 him feeling very upset and guilty when he fights and Shouyi sees him because it seems like Shouyi made him promise to stop using violence as his first reaction to things, so he felt upset because he didn’t want to disappoint him. But we see in the future he’s not only better, but he works along Shide and he is a actually in a big role in the company he works for.

For Shouyi, Xuan makes him learn about his emotions that he thought he couldn’t have, Xuan leads him on a self discovery journey, to understand more about who he is and not what society thinks he is, or not what some diagnosis claims he is, and for him to know that he can have love and he can be happy. Xuan also represents to him ease, comfort and hope not yet but soon despite the fact that on the surface he tries to push him away, I’m sure this season we see him also relax, trust and just be more open to feelings the way he hasn’t been able to want to be because of others. They both have this message of making the other know that there’s nothing wrong with who they are, they’re normal and live a happy life despite what people have said or treated them as.

Deyi vs Shouzhen; Mirrors of Each Other

In a way Xuan is a mirror image to another character we know who he thinks has Shouyi’s heart Shide. Because the reason why Shide fell for Shuyi young, was because Shuyi was someone who he felt safe with, listened to, cared for, (same reasons why Xuan fell for Shouyi), Shide felt Shuyi led him to growth and purpose and determination to be strong and hope (again same as Xuan and Shouyi) and so because of his feelings he was determined to be near Shuyi and now in season 2, show Shuyi his devotion and love (again same  as Xuan to Shouyi). The love that they have for their person is automatic, uncontrollable, unconditional but also passionate and it makes them determined to be something to that person, to be with that person and to be in a position where they can protect that person. They both don’t mind if it’s one sided or if the love is more on their side than the other because the happiness they feel is by being with them and seeing them happy.

On the other hand Xuan and Shuyi struggle to actually realise their feelings that are also there just not prominent because they have a mindset stuck on logic, judgement but also on perceived societal opinions/rules. Let me explain so for Shuyi it’s because of his determination to not fall for men (because he had  internalised homophobia (IH)  something that is a theme that runs with him and Shide, it’s because of IH he automatically thinks Shide would choose a girl over him and get married and have a kid, it’s because of IH dealing with his father and the shareholders situation and the position of being his father’s heir that made him also say that he didn’t want to fall for a guy when he first realised how he felt for Shide), because of this he never saw Shide’s actions as romantic even when Shide was telling him/confessing to him in episode 2 in season 1, he always misunderstood Shide’s actions and intentions. This is the same as Shouyi who isn’t because of IH but because of ‘ableism’/raised with an ableist societal mindset  that makes him misunderstand Xuan’s actions  and also his own feelings and also it’s because of his own position (teacher/doctor role) that makes him also avoidant of dealing his feelings for Xuan in season 2.

Which is why I adore season 2, again in my previous analysis of this season, the aim of this season is to focus on maturity, real life issues, discussions and commentary on certain things because the characters in season 1 were more naïve, immature and starting out into the world, so its more prone to happiness, and love and all that (this is why season 1 was so light, and less angsty) when our characters grow older, the issues/topics that were hidden in season 1, (Shuyi and Shide’s miscommunication and misunderstanding about their actual feelings and their views on sexuality, Shouyi’s disorder and his mindset, etc) now have to be dealt with, discussed about but also fought with. Now every one has to fight for their path and deal with more serious conversations surrounding these things. That’s why it’s not a surprise season 2 is more angsty, more dramatic, more serious, it’s meant to be a mirror image of season 1, but just more elevated and deeper and more severe than what they had or what they knew when they were younger. That’s how life gets the more you’re older. That’s why I adore this show because yes season 2 is very different and more risky (they really took a risk with how they did season 2 as you can see a lot of people felt blindsided because they didn’t see the subtext and hints in season 1 when it was always there) but I like that it’s risky, I like that it’s tackling these issues, I like it’s more mature and serious but it still is We Best Love, it’s still a story about the innocent love going to passionate love before becoming the real pure definition of covenant love (unconditional, soulmate, growth, self love, self acceptance, communication and understanding). This is seriously why I love this show, I’m sad for the people who don’t see it as this because it’s always been the aim of the script writer to make it this way.

 Nature vs Nurture

Back to Shouyi and Xuan. Actually back to the funny thing about Shide and Shouyi. So Shouyi and Shide are cousins it’s been told to us but every time there’s a plot with their love interests there’s a misunderstanding that leads to a growth/elevation in their relationships because their partners misunderstand what they are to each other. In season 1, Shuyi’s jealousy about them makes him confess out loud he knows Shide’s feelings this leads to them finally dealing with the truth and coming out to each other. Shide does think Shouyi acted this way because he was angry but its actually because Shouyi is protective and caring to Shide in his own way even if he thinks he can’t care about people. The reason why he did what he did is because he wanted Shide to stop suffering in an unrequited love with Shuyi, he wanted to help but he used another excuse to explain away his emotions/feelings which is exactly his character and what we see he’s doing with Xuan. So with Shouyi he does care about people, he does have emotions but because of his diagnosis/ people told him, he doesn’t believe he does because I’m sure he struggles understanding what he feels.  But Yes so again with Xuan and Shouyi there’s a misunderstanding by Xuan that Shouyi loves Shide, which is going to play a part in their relationship, Shouyi uses this lie to push Xuan away and he thinks it’s a solution of making Xuan stop loving him. Because he thinks love is painful from watching Shide, he thinks the results of love isn’t worth it because he sees Shide suffer constantly because of his own feelings but I think he also envies them whenever they’re happy like we saw in the finale of season 1, he goes to drink looking contemplative and sad. He’s lonely. So again on the surface Shouyi thinks love is over rated and stupid but actually inside he feels empty and wants it but he thinks he’s unable to have that.

Let’s discuss Shouyi’s ‘disorder’ because it’s still very hard to process what he actually has. We know he thinks he’s emotionally defective like he isn’t able to feel emotions, or care about people. He can’t form emotional connections to people, he just sees them as nothing important. The only way I could rationalise or understand is to kind of group it with another disorder even I don’t know if it is that because I don’t think he’s a sociopath, but I see some of his symptoms close to ASPD? Or I guess I also think it’s just Alexithymia which is lack of emotional awareness where he doesn’t know what emotion he’s feeling but he does have it. Either way what I see with his symptoms is that he’s not unable to feel emotions I think he just doesn’t know or understand emotions/ feelings, so it’s like an obstacle or like it’s a challenge for him to fully come to terms with the idea of emotions and all that so he withdraws from that and sees himself as unable to feel or care.

This is my guess because it’s quite hard to understand his diagnosis when there’s not enough yet explained about what he does struggle with. Either way its either he doesn’t understand what emotions he’s feeling or he has lack of them. I think it’s the latter because I can see that he shows care to people and he’s protective and helpful to people he feels close to. (this is just what I’m seeing). Either way the similarities with Shouyi and Xuan is that they have both been born with something that has made them be seen in  a negative way or misunderstood way (as much as not everyone is ableist I still think that’s kind of the environment I’m seeing from the show about these two and how they’re treated. I could be wrong) and told different things about who they are and what they have. So for example I keep repeating that one scene but when Shide speaks to Shouyi angrily in season 1 in a very insensitive manner about his disorder, Shouyi is defensive and angry about the way he spoke to him, what he said about him, so you see there is annoyance when people say stuff like that about him even though it seems he also has embraced those ideas  about himself.

In his mind he knows what he has because it’s something he struggles with but I think it frustrates him that he doesn’t can’t explain why he’s the way he is, he probably tried to form attachments and feelings for people but couldn’t so he gave up on the idea of ever being able to do that. But I think it’s just because those people aren’t Xuan. I’m not fully sure about what kind of environment Xuan grew up in but if he was little and people made fun of him, or bullied him, or mocked him he would have struggled with knowing there’s nothing wrong with who he is vs a accepting what people said about him that he can’t ‘function’ because he’s ‘sick’ probably. Because he’s really defensive he does not like people telling him that there’s something wrong with him, that what he’s feeling is not normal or real, and he’s able to take care of himself and have a good life with who he is.  I think you see this struggle in him when he thinks Shouyi has feelings for Shide. Like he immediately once he gets caught fighting walks away sadly because you can guess what he’s thinking, it’s probably ‘Ofcourse it’s Shide he likes, someone ‘normal’ ‘stable’ etc” You can see him in my opinion regress with those thoughts which is why he turned away in shame and says to Shouyi if I was him you would care etc I think yes he fights what people say about him and he knows he’s okay and what he’s feeling but if people keep on making him feel like the opposite he will later regress and accept what they say about him. If he really does get pushed away finally by Shouyi I think he’ll finally really accept that mindset he’s been struggling to fight and reject that he’s ‘abnormal’ to society therefore he’s not allowed to have love because he’s an obstacle to himself and his partner. That’s something I think the story will show for them which is heart breaking. Sigh.

Taking A Risk

Before I continue, let’s pause because let’s discuss the trailer for episode 4. Because yes the trailer does make it look like Xuan hacked the computer out of jealousy and pettiness because of the Shide situation. I think this is a misdirect or a warning. I don’t think the writers will make him be the one who did that, by making him be misunderstood though as someone doing that, brings up commentary it brings up a discussion about how people treat him. So in my opinion there’s a difference if they make him the one who did that because of vindictiveness and resentment then that’s problematic but if they’re trying to show how people have been treating him all his life, I think that’s okay because that’s exactly the aim of the show, to show what he’s struggling with because of how he’s seen in this environment. I can see the characters thinking he’s the one, blaming him, being ableist and I think a lot of people are going to be sensitive and annoyed and I get it; it’s a very risky move by the script writer if she wants to go this way, for me I will understand because I get what the show is trying to say, it depends on the consequences if our characters do end up doing something ableist how do they get taught that they’re wrong and that’s the only thing about this risk that worries me she may not be able to fully make people accept the characters apologies/ flaws with this issue.

It’s so risky and this season has tried so hard with its risks to bring up stuff but I am really happy because we have an autistic BL character, I love it so much because I think it’s incredible. The fact that this season is tackling this conversation about psychological disorders; the fact that we have one character more defensive and determined to be taken more seriously because he’s learnt to love who he is and accept himself vs his partner who has never had that chance to think about what he wants, who he is, what he needs because he’s constantly thinking he’s prevented by his disorder  is something that’s very fascinating to me, and I’ve been so excited to analyse and see it play out on the screen by these brilliant actors. I have been begging for risks in BLs to be made, for more stories to be told that border on the line of sensitive topics and representation, these stories should obviously told by people who are representative of the characters but I also like that a writer took a risk to discuss it more and show it on the screen. I like that we have conversations about mental health on the screen and it’s important to see how another culture/country treats the subject of psychological disorders so we know what needs to be changed/ learnt/ discussed. However I do get that the autistic community and others could be triggered by things with this storyline so far I’ve spoken to people about how they feel about Xuan so far, and a lot of people from the community isn’t offended by him but that’s not a full population of people, but people did say they understood Xuan’s character. But I can’t speak for the community. But for me I just would love to have a whole BL season just for these two, because I really commend the writers if done properly on the risk they took to show this.

As you can tell from this essay I adore We Best Love, I know it’s a polarising decision because people seem to think this season is worse or whatever, but for me I love this show, I didn’t expect this show to be so deep and bring up these subjects it’s the reason why even when I could have written about season 1 since I noticed the themes that are more dealt with in season 2, I didn’t cause I thought it was just be me overthinking it. We Best Love didn’t promise to be the outstanding different BL, it really is simple in season 1, which is why I am surprised at the comments of people who say that they are shocked it’s just a basic BL, like what were they expecting the storyline is very easy to understand, and it does have tropes similar to other BLS, it’s just written better and has interesting characters and good acting. But season 2 is when they really go deeper and start to tackle really serious conversations and I understand that it borders on the line of toxicity, problematic content, questionable ideas but for me I’m so happy the characters are being shown as flawed and problematic. Like Shide and Shuyi weren’t healthy they won’t be until the end of the show that’s what the writer wants to achieve; they are going to end up growing and maturing together to finally get their happy ending, and that’s the same for Xuan and Shouyi right now because of mindsets, and misunderstandings etc they are going to be questionable but they’re going to learn to understand each other and show each other how they feel and grow together from their flaws. The characters are just humans, they make mistakes, they do things but they’re consistent with their character outlines and goals, the writer has never changed anything about the characters, she’s making them learn and mature and go through consequences for their flaws, and I think it’s really important to notice that. I think that’s enough reason for me to love this show because I really enjoy how she’s made a simple BL be very deep and realistic in my opinion about how people are when they fall in love. I also adore the whole team, the actors, producers, writer I think they have done such an amazing job and put so much effort, energy and hard work to tell this story when others don’t do that all the time. Anyway let me know what you think about these two, about the show, about season 2. I’m really surprised by the BLs we are getting lately I’m not goanna lie I am obsessed with every one of them and like just stunned by each conversation and analysis they bring. Absolutely phenomenal start to the year.

[wanderingchocolateeclair]

A Frayed Thread of Hope

[Part 3] (this was written quite a while ago, just a heads up for the quality of it)

Ao3 Link here! :)

Finally got round to transferring and posting this chapter to here!!! It’s taken a little while, but I’m hoping that this being in here might remind and motivate me a little more to write the next part out...the fic is up on ao3 and will be updated on there first when I get round to it and then transferred over here at some point too :)

Tagging (you can ignore if you’d like, or tell me if ya wanna be tagged or taken off the list. This is just a repost of a chapter that’s already up on ao3 so sorry if you’ve already read it 😅 I also haven’t posted in a while so sorry if I’ve accidentally tagged you or forgotten to tag): @kouricaesar @chaotic-trash-can @kiriderp @theshisthings

TW: slightly graphic description of injury, mentions of blood, slight mention of nausea, a lot of crying and sad.

——————————————————

(Flashback)

‘No no no, please-’ Shinya panicked as he heard the lack of response coming from Jeanist’s side of the raid. Minutes prior to this, he had felt his heart drop and a ringing sound echoed through his head. He knew that this was not a good sign, but pushed it away as he helped to apprehend the LoV. ‘Please, please be okay...’ 

Dammit. He knew that he should’ve tried to stop him. He saw it in his eyes...those eyes...his eyes. Tsunagu knew that something was going to happen and that the worst part would hit his team, he always knew when the worst would happen, and it always had to happen to him.

‘That’s why he looked at me like that...Dammit....DAMMIT! Shinya, you are such an idiot!’ Shinya’s mind was racing as he made his way towards Kamino with Endeavour, where the other team was based.

“We can only hope that we are not too late.” Endeavour said harshly, knowing that he had to reassure the other man but unaware of how to do so.

Shinya simply hummed in response, taking a large leap from one building to another. He wasn’t really listening, his mind was way too busy to hear anything but his own thoughts. ‘Tsunagu....why? You knew that this would happen, and you knew the pain I’d be in once I found out...so why?’ He found himself trailing off into thought, ‘heh....nevermind....even if you could answer me now, your words would always stay the same - that it was “the only way I’d prove myself to be heroic” by taking a hit that could kill you, for the sake of others....’

“Dammit....”

(end of flashback)

————————————

Shinya was torn away from his rapid train of thought by the sound of footsteps hurdling towards him and Tsunagu’s family. Before even he could react, cold hands grabbed his shoulders and shook him gently, a pair of red wings knocking over several items along the way.

“Edgeshot-senpai! You’re okay! Well, you look okay! Are you okay?” The flustered young man exclaimed in a panicked manner, blond hair ruffled across his head as messily as a bird’s nest.

“Ah, Hawks...yes...Yes, I’m alright. Ju-just still a little shocked, I guess...what about you? What are you doing here?” Shinya shakily answered, his mind still thinking back to what happened.

The winged hero sighed in relief, giving a small apologetic bow to the family that was scattered around him. “Isn’t it obvious? I heard the news and came as quickly as I could! All Might-san retiring, Endeavour-san...moving...up the ranks...” Hawks eyed the end of the corridor wearily, “it’s all a lot to take in right now...for everyone.”

The ninja hero nodded, gesturing for the other to take a seat. Hawks simply shook his head in response and mumbled something about feeling too uncomfortable to sit down in this situation, making Shinya chuckle lightly in agreement.

“Hey....Shinya-san...”

“Hm?”

“...Tsunagu...” Hawks trailed off, staring cautiously at the door standing opposite them.

The mention of the fiber hero’s name caused Shinya to snap his head up a little too fast, making him wince at the sudden pain that shot through his neck.

Hawks paused for a moment, before slowly carrying on. “Tsunagu-san....will...will he be okay?” He looked at Shinya with sad eyes, nervously fiddling with a small marble that he held in his hands.

“I-” Shinya’s voice cracked as he tried to find an answer, looking down at his own hands, that were still bloody and shaken. “...we don’t know...we- we can only hope...” he blinked rapidly to try and clear the tears that blurred his vision once again. ‘Not here, dammit, not here. You are so weak, Shinya, don’t cry- you can’t...’

They shared a small silence, standing there, gazing at the closed door in front of them. Just as one of them was to try and break this silence, a rather loud buzzing came from the winged hero’s jacket, causing him to fumble around for his phone.

After exchanging a brief conversation with the mysterious caller, Hawks looked up at Shinya apologetically and lightly grabbed his shoulder. “Ah, sorry, urgent call from the commission...I gotta go...”

Shinya smiled slightly. “Of course. That’s understandable. Thanks....thanks for checking up on us....”

“Yeah,well, someone’s gotta do it. We wouldn’t want our favourite parental ninja to pass out from shock all by himself!” Hawks exclaimed brightly, his wings spreading out even more, almost hitting Ai in the face. “Oh, Rumi sends her regards, by the way. She’s busy so she couldn’t come in person, but she said for me to tell you ‘if that jeans bastard dies I’ll kill him, give him a good thump ‘round the head when he wakes up, will ya’ so....uh....yeah! Um....well, please make sure you let us all know how he’s doing...”

“Heh, yeah I will, don’t worry,” Shinya chuckled at the other’s enthusiasm. Waving at the winged hero, he watched as he briskly disappeared from his sight.

Shinya sighed, leaning his head back against the wall, his mind overflowing with doubts and worries yet again. He thought back on the sight of Kamino, destroyed and in ruins. All might’s thin and frail form, barely holding back that monster....and.....Tsunagu... ‘dammit! Stop it!’

——————————————

(flashback continued)

As they arrived, they realised that this was no ordinary villain, and that the LoV had already managed to escape. Shinya scanned the area anxiously, trying hard to mask his panic but failing to do so. ‘Where......where are you....I’m here, please, Tsunagu where are you....’ he tore his attention from the ruins and glared at the madman that was loitering in the air. He was absolutely filled with rage, his body shaking, he could barely breathe. He wanted to lunge forward and completely rip this...thing...apart. He wanted to completely let go, just like he did all those years ago, this time with no regrets. But he knew that it was not his fight to do so. He knew that he was only there for support, with the rest of the heroes, to help All Might.

A huge gust of wind from one of All for One’s blasts knocked him over, sending him tumbling backwards. He was never brilliant at going against power types (he’s a light little man, leave him alone) but this was troublesome. Bracing himself for the impact of a harsh landing, he was startled when he felt himself being caught by something wrapping around his arm.

“Edgeshot-senpai!” Kamui called out, catching the other man before he could hit the ground. He set them down, away from the main fight, sheltered by a huge chunk of a building. His shoulder was occupied by a rather unconscious Mount Lady, but he had another in his arms...

Shinya gave a brief nod of thanks, before noticing the condition of the lanky figure that hung loosely from the other hero’s grasp. ‘Oh please- please, oh god, no...’ he felt his heart drop.

He started panicking as he took in the sight in front of him. Eyes lifeless, staring out at him. Hair, messy and dirty. Tsunagu’s body laying limply, now on the ground, his arms and costume bloody and torn. What’s worse, is the gaping hole that was present in the middle of his stomach. He wasn’t breathing, he wasn’t moving, it was as if his life had been drained straight from his body.

Shinya felt as if he was going to be sick, his body shaking too hard for him to stand. This feeling....this feeling was way too familiar. He was so worried in finding him, but when he finally found him...when his partner’s body was lifted from the rubble...he felt even more hurt than before. He started choking on the tears that he couldn’t hide....that he wouldn’t hide....gasping for air as he stared at Tsunagu’s broken form, imitating that of a torn rag doll, riding the edge of death as if it were a knife with which to cut the rest of the strings that connected him to his life.

“No no no, please, no- not again....not again....why- why? Tsunagu, why you....why my family? Why is it always my family?! The people I love....mother...father...my....why did it have to be you?!” He blurted out, unable to contain the rest of his pain. He held onto Tsunagu’s unconscious form, clutching it tighter as more and more tears soak into his mask. He would hide his anguish, but he didn’t care. Not anymore. He didn’t care who saw him crying. He didn’t care who heard his silent screams and cries of lost hope. He ignored everything around him as he hugged his partner closer.

“Senpai....I’m sorry....I’m...we really need to get him to hospital....he’s...it’s...” Kamui spluttered out quietly. He watched as the ninja hero lost all of his hope and felt his heart beat rapidly at the thought of what else could happen. “We are...we’re out of sight from everyone else...it’s- it’s...”

Shinya sniffled. He looked up at the younger man, his eyes still blurry and unfocused. “Thank you....I’m sorry....I....”

“No...it’s okay....I understand.” Kamui replied, cradling Takeyama in his own arms gently.

(end of flashback)

————————————

His thoughts became muffled, his ears ringing, and only one sound echoing through his head.

“Shinya...”

It was Tsunagu’s voice. He snapped back to reality, looking around anxiously.

“Shinya.....I’m sorry...”

[racetrackhigg]

Hunger Games AU

kinda

thank you so much to @bitchiaintanonymous for helping me with this!!! she wrote all the descriptions of the districts and she helped me figuring out stuff for the characters!

also i wasn’t supposed to make morris’ moodboard, but i didn’t realize until too late- so whoops

please don’t let it flop ive been working on this literally all day akdhsksbw

!!! TW: DEATH (kinda graphic? i mean i say how they died but that’s it), ABUSE, CHILD ABANDONMENT, MENTIONS OF STARVATION !!!

please don’t continue reading if any of those things trigger you

District 1: luxury

They produce jewelry and the people take pride in living there because of it. Most of the people from there are named after expensive material like “Cashmere” and “Glimmer” and as you know, they train and volunteer for the games so they have a higher chance of winning.

Oscar Delancey

Morris Delancey (died)

Morris lived with his uncle and his brother

He had a fairly privileged life, living in the richer side of the district.

However, his uncle was an abusive drunk and he usually took the hits from him to stop his brother from getting hurt

He trained for the games his entire life and eagerly volunteered to be a part of them when he was 17, hoping that if he won it would mean him and his brother could get away from their uncle and have a better life

Sadly, he died during the games by being stabbed in the back by the one and only Jack Kelly

He made 2nd place

District 2: Masonry and Defense.

These people work on weapons for peacekeepers and even have a training center for the peacekeepers, and they also volunteer for the games. It’s illegal for them, but because they’re so buddy buddy with the Capitol, they’re let off. They usually have Ancient Roman and Greek names.

Romeo (victor)

Romeo grew up having a somewhat decent life

Hs mother died when he was young, so he lived with his father and younger sister (who’s only 5 when he goes to the games) (he’s 15)

He trained for the games since he was young, and at first. he wanted to volunteer

However, as the reaping came near, he was starting to regret his decision, especially after overhearing some of his friends talk about the true horrors of the games

His dad threatened to kill him himself if he didn’t volunteer, claiming he would rather have no son at all than one who was a coward

So Romeo was forced to volunteer

Jojo (his mentor) becomes like an older brother or even father figure to him

Jojo de la Guerra (former victor, died)

Jojo lived in the poorer side of the district

He used to work a lot in weaponry to provide for his family Jojo was 17 when he participated in the games, and won

He was 22 when he mentored Romeo

And 23 when he died

He “trained” for the games for years, but unlike Romeo, he never volunteered

By “training” i mean that he was just a sparring partner for people who wanted to volunteer for the games

Because of this, he just picked up different fighting techniques over time

Unlike most people in that district, he hated the games and was not eager at all to be a part of them

He was assigned as Romeo’s mentor

At first, Jojo thought he was just another cocky kid who was overconfident he’d win

But then he actually met him. and realised Romeo didn’t want this

He made it his goal to make sure Romeo would get out of the games alive. After all, he was just a kid.

He was killed by peacekeepers after trying to protect Romeo. Pulitzer wanted to prostitute Jojo, and he refused, so as a warning they went to kill Romeo, but Jojo managed to stop them the cost of his own life

District 3: Technology.

They produce technology and electronics for the Capitol and usually use their knowledge of that in the games. They’re really smart and in the 10th Hunger Games, it’s said that a district 3 tribute hack into a drone that delivered supplies to use for themselves (doesn’t work that great cause they get killed though) but they’re still really smart.

Antonio “Racetrack” Higgins (victor)

Race never met his mother, She died a few days after he was born

So he was raised by his father

When he turned 6, his father started drinking

When he turned 7, he started hiring him

He met a girl named Sarah after trying to steal from her, and instead of reporting him to a peacekeeper, they actually became friends over time (even though Race was 2 years younger than her)

He often went to hide at the Jacobs’ house when things got too bad at home

Just a year after David volunteered, on the next reaping, Sarah’s name was called

So Race volunteered. (he was 16)

The jacobs’ had already done so much for him, and Sarah didn’t deserve to go through that, chances were she wouldn’t come back alive.

Race knew he probably wouldn’t either, but he had nothing to lose. He wouldn’t be leaving any family behind, because the man that called himself his father was not his family.

David was his mentor.

Much like David had before him, Race used parts of traps to make his weapons better, though he mainly used a bow and arrow.

For most of the game, he made a truce with a guy named Albert from district 4, and they became /very/ close.

He was killed by a guy from district 6, Finch, who was also the last person remaining apart from him.

Race killed him by shooting an arrow directly in his heart. It’s the only kill he doesn’t regret so much.

David Jacobs (victor)

David lived with his parents, twin sister and younger brother.

He was especially close to his sister.

His father got sick and died a few years later, when he was 15, so he had to work extra hard to help support his family

When he turned 17, his worst nightmare came true and his younger brother, Les was selected for the games

He volunteered to save his brother, and was determined to make it back alive, wanting his family to have a better life.

He trained a lot in physical combat, since he knew that without at least a somewhat proper training, he wouldn’t stand a chance.

Once in the games, he spent most of his time trying to avoid other people, not wanting to kill anyone else and not wanting to risk his own life.

However, he ended up having to kill a boy from district 10, Mike, to save his own life using a makeshift explosive he made out of parts from a trap he disarmed (or however it’s said).

He wins by tricking the last person left, Itey, into eating poison berries.

He never forgave himself for the lives he took, and it’s something that would always haunt him.

Just a year after that, he became Race’s mentor.

District 4: fishing.

First off, people say that this district had the most “decent-looking” people. As you may have guessed, these people specialize in “aquaculture” It sounds useless, but a character named “Mags” actually won her games because she was the only one able to swim the longest when the arena was flooded. They also use tridents and things like that and volunteer as “Careers” too.

Albert Dasilva (died)

Albert came from the more poor side of the district

He lives with his father, who fell ill a few weeks before Albert was selected for the games.

He’s only 16

He never really trained for the games, unlike many people. He didn’t have the time or money for that.

One of his friends, Sniper, promised to take care of his father while he was gone.

Albert knew he probably wouldn’t be coming back.

Early in the games, he befriended Race, and they survive throughout almost the entire games together.

He knew one of them was going to have to die, but Albert decided to ignore that. He was going to find a way around it.

However, while Race went out hunting, the only other tribute left strangled him to death and stole all their supplies.

He never made it back home to his father.

Sniper (victor)

Sniper was an orphan

Her family abandoned her when she was 5, and she lived in the streets for a short while until a kind man took her in

It was Albert’s father

When she got older, she started working to make her own living

Albert became her best friend, despite being 4 years apart. He became almost like an older brother to her.

Her best friend, almost brother, got sent away for the games and never returned.

Sniper moved back in with Mr. Dasilva to take care of him as he fell ill, and his son was no longer there to take care of him.

He got better, eventually, and was horrified and heartbroken at the news of his son’s death.

A year after his best friend was sent away to die, she got chosen for the games.

She vowed to make it back alive, no matter what.

She learned everything there was to know about the plants of the arena. She was already good at combat.

She won by poisoning the last other tribute.

Much like David, Sniper was never able to forgive herself for the lives she took.

District 5: power.

They specialize in providing power for the Capitol with electricity (they power homes and stuff so not technology like in district 3). They’re pretty smart and they use the coal district 12 mines to generate the power.

Specs

Itey (died)

Itey lived with their parents

They were an only child

Their life was pretty good- at least their family life

They were pretty poor, but still better off than a few other people, so they were grateful for what they had.

They were chosen for the games when they were 15

Their parents prayed Itey would make it back alive, but they knew it was unlikely, since he had no training whatsoever

They were right

Itey almost won, but they were starving, and didn’t know that the berries were poisonous

They came 2nd

District 6: transportation

The tributes shown from here are actually pretty nice and cool. During the 75th Hunger Games the tributes were nicknamed “morphlings” because of their addiction to the drug. The male tribute didn’t do much, but the female tribute sacrificed herself for Peeta and jumped in front of an animal that was trying to kill him.

Finch Cortez (died)

Finch lived with his younger brother

His parents died when he was relatively young (12 years old- his brother was 9) but they managed to scrape by

He started working pretty young to make sure his brother could have a roof over his head and not starve.

He was 17 when he was selected for the games, his brother was only 14

He was terrified, but determined to come back home to his only family

He made it to 2nd place

He was killed by an arrow straight through his heart.

Tbh if Race would’ve known Finch had a family to go home to, he would’ve eaten poisonous berries and let him win

Skittery

District 7: lumber.

They specialize in forestry and wood and paper and all that. They are strong-willed and hard headed, and don’t have many qualms about killing people. but more or less are loyal depending on the situation.

Sean “Spot” Conlon (victor)

Spot was an orphan

Well, kind of

He lived with his parents up until he was 10, when he ran away

They were both abusive and manipulative, and he knew if they kept this up, he’d end up dead

After he ran away, he made friends with a guy his age named Hotshot.

Hotshot had the perfect family. Loving parents and a younger sister.

Honestly, Spot was jealous

But they became quick friends, and Hotshot’s parents let him move in

Hotshot nicknamed him Spot because of the cigarette burns across his arms and back

He was 17 when he was selected for the games

Surprisingly enough, he didn’t think he’d come back

Because as strong and as much of a skilled fighter as he was, there were people out there that had been training for this their whole lives.

However, he managed to win. Had a pretty big kill count too- not because he wanted to, but because a surprising amount of people went after him. He had many good supplies and they wanted them.

The last person left apart from him was Buttons.

He won by bashing his head against a rock and then pushing him off a cliff for good measure.

In his defence, Buttons had tried to push him off a cliff first. Spot just took his chance.

Hotshot

District 8: textiles

Clothing. They fight for what’s right, and we’re actually among the first to rebel against the Capitol and follow Katniss, which, sadly, also made them the second most targeted district (the first being district 12 which was outright destroyed) A leader from district 8 actually became president after Katniss killed this woman named “Alma Coin” (the president of district 13)

Buttons (died)

Buttons lived with her younger brother, Elmer, and their parents

She was only 14 when she was selected for the games

She knew she wasn’t making it back

However, she let her hopes up w hen she was one of the only two left, and was a bit more careless with her actions

This is what led to her the death

Elmer

District 9: grain.

They specialize in grain, and salts. It’s the least mentioned of the districts, there is no known character mentioned from here, and all that is known is that both tributes died in the initial bloodbath

Henry

Smalls

District 10: live stock.

Believe it or not, no one except a crippled boy is mentioned from here. This is the second least mentioned one, it’s only known that a refugee from here told Katniss about district 13 so we can assume they know their rights and wrongs.

Mike (died)

Mike lived with his twin brother and parents

He was 15 when he was selected for the games, and he knew there was no chance he’d make it back alive

He was right, since he was killed by David, after trying to kill him and steal his supplies.

Ike

District 11: agriculture.

Common traits of this district are “dark skin and brown eyes” They are heavily abused by the Peacekeepers and are the most brutal treated ones. Their electric fences are activated 24/7, they have extreme knowledge of herbs and foods. Again, security here is greatly unforced and there are a lot of harsh measures like summary execution. (an execution where someone is accused of something and is immediately killed without a fair trial) It was one of the first districts to rebel, it was their response for what happened to Rue (a former 12-year old tribute who was Katniss’ ally and was killed during the games).

Graves

Rafaela

District 12: coal mining.

This district is divided into housing areas. The Seam is where people who work in coal mines live, and the others are centered around “The Square''. People from The Seam generally have dark hair, grey eyes, and olive skin, and the others have blond hair, blue eyes, and fair skin. Katniss and Gale are from The Seam whereas Peeta is a bakers son in the town. District 12 is the poorest out of the districts, and starvation is a big issue, and because of this, the Capitol usually bends the rules a little by turning off the electric fence surrounding them so people can go hunt for food for their families or sell their catches to the black market for money. District 12 is known for having only 2 victors in the history of the games before the 74th. A female named Lucy Gray Baird who died before the events of The Hunger Games happened, and Haymitch Abernathy. This is why the district is usually a laughingstock and volunteering for the Games is seen as suicide.

Jack Francis Kelly (victor)

Jack’s parents gave him up at a very young age, when he was only 2 years old

They sent him to live with an old family friend, William Snyder

Snyder was horrible to him.

He constantly abused and starved and neglected him, treated him more like a slave than anything else.

Jack had to balance doing whatever Snyder said and also making his own food and money by working so he could eat

When he was 14, his parents came to visit. He didn’t recognize them, and he didn’t know who they were until the end of the visit- when they were leaving

He was both hurt and furious

Although he was miserable and his life sucked, he did manage to make a friend

Crutchie

He was 3 years younger than Jac k, and his leg was injured beyond repair in a mining accident

When he heard Crutchie’s name at the Reaping, he immediately volunteered

Unlike him, Crutchie had a family. People who loved him.

Jack had nothing to lose

He didn’t expect to come back alive, he wasn’t sure he wanted to.

Multiple people tried to kill him throughout the game, thinking it as a fun game since he was of the “worse” district

Jack won by killing Morris

He didn’t know he had a brother, if he did, he wouldn’t have done it. Jack didn’t have anything to come back to, Morris did

He found out about this and his situation a day after his victory.

He was horrified, knowing he killed a man that was just trying to help his family.

Jack didn’t have a family. He just took a poor kids only family away.

So he made sure Oscar was away from his uncle and safe

It was the least he could do.

He was never able to forgive himself.

Charlie “Crutchie” Morris

District 13: nuclear weaponry.

Before they were “extinct” they made and built nuclear weapons for the Capitol, but after they tried to rebel, they were bombed and became “extinct”. In reality they lived underground and struck up a deal with the Capitol, that they’d be able to live in hiding, and in return, they would not rain war on the Capitol. Every food ration is cherished in this district and everything is very orderly as to not rouse suspicion. The lifestyle is very strict because of the circumstances. District 13 is the center for the rebellion in the books, and is where Katniss and everyone planned out the war between the districts and the Capitol.

Mush Meyers and Kid Blink

Blink came from district 12

He was an orphan, and his only family, his younger sister, died from starvation when he was 17, soon turning 18

She was only 10

Not even a year later, Blink snuck out of his district, except instead of just going hunting, he ran away.

He narrowly escaped a peacekeeper finding him

After a few days of being completely alone, he ran into Mush Meyers, who (slightly reluctantly) took him into his distract (he got into a shit ton of trouble for that)

However, Blink was allowed to stay.

Eventually, they got together (because we all need some Blush in our lives)

Capitol

Katherine Plumber

[elliewritessometimes]

IT’S @mattieswheelers BIRTHDAY!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY LOVELY WE LOVE YOU SO MUCH

beCAUSE of this, myself and @notsomightymightytiger decided to steal tea leaf’s time travelling mattie au and create a whole entire fic with their ideas and also a design that @ari-is-anxious did a while back!! hope you enjoy aaaaaaa <3333 aLSO stabbies try and spot as many starboard references as you can heheheh 

this can be read on ao3 here if you prefer the format :)

tw: swearing, murder (it’s minor and resolved tho jsgh), religion (nicco my love read with care), blood, i really hope i haven’t missed anything please do let me know if i missed anything

-

Mattie had always been able to time travel. For as long as she could remember, her walk-in wardrobe had been lined with silver metal and held no clothes at all. As a child, this made it all the more exciting, though as she grew older and actually started to want to own clothes, it became a little inconvenient. She supposed all great inventions came with some kind of sacrifice.

Her uncle had made the time machine as a gift when Mattie was born. Her parents, like any basic adults, assumed the wardrobe-sized box was simply a toy and had taken no interest in it. Mattie, from the age of about three when her curiosity had really set in, was the one who discovered that the machine was in fact a working portal and not just a children’s toy. Since then, she had been happily travelling time and space during the darkest hours of night.

(You may have entirely valid concerns about a three year old having full access to time travel - luckily, not just for Mattie’s safety but also that of the entire human race, her uncle had set what were effectively child locks on a lot of the controls. These were diminished the day that Mattie turned thirteen. Uncle Calvin had always been a little weird, but he certainly wasn’t heartless.)

-

Usually, Mattie’s time travel didn’t affect her life. Sure, it made for some pretty awkward conversations as Mattie spurted some knowledge which could never have been explained through a textbook, but those could often be blamed on watching too much Horrible Histories as a child (“Mattie, I swear to God, you’re so bageling British, and yet you’ve never been there, I don’t understand.” “Horrible Histories is a masterpiece! You’re just jealous that you’re too American to have seen it.” “Actual asshole of a child.” “Farrah-!”).

It was going well until Mattie’s freshman year at Giles Corey. And then three of her fellow highschoolers were murdered. And suddenly Mattie had a way to prevent that from happening.

In some stroke of luck, she passed out at the sleepover and didn’t find out about the murders until she was sitting in the back of a cop car, driving to her house to pick up her things. She remembered thinking how weird it was that she wasn’t being taken straight to the station, but brushed that away in favour of ‘going into her wardrobe to change out of her bloody clothes’.

The time machine was cold like it always was and that forced her out of her muddled state quickly enough. She thought back to the victims. Chess. Farrah. Clark. Snapping on her goggles, she pressed a button, whirled backwards through time and space, and appeared at the gate to Riley’s neighbour’s house.

She really wished that she had actually changed her outfit - the damp blood turned cold with the breeze and sent shivers up her spine. The smell perhaps or just her sudden appearance startled the neighbour’s dogs into a frenzy. A figure, Chess, unharmed and merely confused instead of terrified, stood up from Riley’s bench, calling into the darkness. Mattie’s breath caught in her throat. The second figure, knife glinting in the dim streetlight, slipped out of the back door. Their red hair shone in the reflection of the knife with a sick kind of beauty.

Mattie could have stopped them there, taken the knife from the assailant’s grasp, prevented the tragedy of the evening. But she didn’t. She just watched.

Three minutes later, after arriving back in her present time and pressing yet another button on the wall of her closet, she watched the same scene unfold in the bathroom with a much younger victim. Twenty minutes after that, the third attack. This one was different though, an accident.

Still a little desperate and overly conscious of the police officer standing guard outside of her bedroom, she reappeared in her wardrobe, putting on a jumper before turning back time a little further. She appeared in a gymnastics centre as a girl around Mattie’s age did wolf turns on a beam. A coach entered the scene from the sidelines as the girl stopped spinning, her distinctive plait falling still against her back. Something in Mattie ached at the sight of Chess so lively and innocent, willing to give up her life for her dream of succeeding in her sport. As the two wandered into a side room, picking up water with a smile, Mattie edged forwards, collecting soft gym mats as she went. Within minutes, the area surrounding the beam had been double layered with cushioning, and Mattie could only pray that her plan would work. She’d seen enough YouTube videos to know what happened next.

Chess emerged again with her coach, hopping back up onto the beam with practiced ease. Again, Mattie was forced to just watch as she went down into her wolf turn, then rose up, did a split leap across at least half of the beam, and jumped into a twist to land on the floor. It was a messy landing, the gymnast’s ankle caving in on itself, knee twisting unnaturally in the air, before coming down hard onto her side. But, unlike in the previous videos, there wasn’t a resounding crack, only a weak cry of pain as Chess stumbled back to her feet.

Mattie grinned despite herself as snippets of conversation drifted her way.

“-not broken, don’t worry-”

“The Olympics seem out of the picture…”

“Get her a drink to numb the pain! Yes, limeade’s perfect-!”

Mattie arrived in her room again with a whole plethora of new information just inserted into her mind like it had been there all along. There was no longer and never had been a police officer outside her door. Her shirt was clean, her head undamaged. Chess didn’t go to the Olympics, but still did gymnastics in her spare time as her knee made a full and quick recovery. Farrah wasn’t dropped. Riley, in some weird twist of fate, went to the same therapist as Mattie. Life was… good for the Giles Corey Tigers.

Across town, the sleepover was still going ahead as normal. From what weird memories she just gained, Mattie knew that the team was at a rocky patch, their personalities still clashing in any iteration of the evening. But, with some relief, she knew that it would never in this timeline be bad enough for murder to even be considered as an answer. Her phone buzzed. The lies came easily as she covered up her mysterious disappearance from the sleepover she should currently be at.

Reese (school): Where are you???

Mattieeeee: I went home :( not feeling good

Reese (school): :((( that sucks

Mattieeeee: Ikr. I think it was the ice cream.

Reese (school): I told the others

Reese (school): They all say get well soon apart from Kate and Cairo who actually agreed on something for once haha

Mattieeeee: What did they say skjghdjh

Reese (school): “Tolerate the lactose, Wheeler.”

-

In her short-but-actually-quite-long-given-all-the-time-travel life, Mattie had witnessed a number of key historic events (and had caused about 85% by some small accident, but that’s a story for another time). The one which ended up unveiling her secret to someone in her actual life occurred overnight one February. Or maybe July. Depends. Time is weird.

She stepped into a small room, luckily through the doorway and not awkwardly through the window, as done many times before. A man sat hunched over a desk by the window, dressed in brown and using a pen-but-not-really-a-pen to craft a page of writing. From Mattie’s extensive historical knowledge, it could have been anywhere from 1000 BC to the 16th century.

“Hello, excuse me,” she began, “But I’m a little lost.”

The man startled, his not-really-pen skidding across the page and leaving a trail of thick ink in its wake as he blinked at her in the doorway. “Who are you?” He seemed perplexed as to how a young girl was standing there, in the opening to his room, in clothing not of any time now or before.

Something that Mattie had realised after travelling not only to different times, but also to a vast number of different settings around the world, was that somehow, she was never stumped by a language barrier. Instead she was always able to fluently converse with those she met in what appeared to her as American English. It was really weird; she tried not to think about it too much or it made her head hurt. She’d also learnt that it was best not to explain her full situation to her companions, becoming accustomed to pulling the classic ‘I’m not here, you’re just dreaming’ excuse. So that was exactly the tactic she applied here. “A dream figure. You don’t need to be afraid.”

The man narrowed his eyes, glancing down at the paper and then back up to Mattie’s face. “That’s a good line.” He scribbled her words down onto a scrap piece of papyrus. “Maybe I can use that later.”

Mattie grinned, sensing her chance to fuck up history just a little bit. “What are you writing?”

“How the world came to be,” the man explained. “God.”

“Ah, of course. The Bible, huh?”

“Pardon?” The scribe locked eyes with Mattie for the first time, confusion etched clearly on his face. She shook her head in response, having learnt that it was hopeless trying to explain events of the future to people who could never even begin to imagine the future that she came from. Seemingly satisfied, the man continued. “As the vision you are, I wonder if you’ve been sent to answer my queries.”

“Of course. Go ahead.”

“I’m struggling for a name. Not for the book itself, but just for this chapter.”

Mattie smiled as wisely as she could. “What do you have so far?”

“‘Generational Crisis’. The chapter describes how our world came to be - the creation of natural elements, the first humans, the beginnings of emotion. ‘Generational’ as it shall be carried on for generations, and ‘crisis’ as it’s a huge event, a crisis for the higher powers.”

Mattie choked. Her mind imagined a world where the entry chapter to the Bible was named as so, and it was a world of chaos and highly differing language choices. “That is very wise, sir. I have one suggestion: how about shortening it? Make it snappier, more catchy. I’m thinking…” She paused, feigning deep thought, “‘Genesis.’”

The man gasped, scrawling her word down at the top of the papyrus. “Genius! Thank you, child. I should write your name in my finished book, to show my gratitude for your kindness.”

“Mattie, sir, Mattie Wheeler. It’s been lovely to meet you and see your studies.” Over the centuries, Mattie had learnt to leave those she met with some kind of reassurance as the humane aspect of her hobby. “Before I go, I may be a dream spirit, but I can assure you that the work you have done right now shall be greatly appreciated for thousands of years to come.”

“You really are a wonder, perhaps a child sent from the power above.”

Unthinking, she snorted, replying, “Oh, boy, you are not ready to hear about Jesus.”

“Jesus? You mean my sister’s husband? I do hear some curious rumours about the man…”

Mattie hid her laugh behind a hand. Of course, this was hundreds of years before Jesus Christ came to be thought of. “I know, right? Jesus? More like JeSUS.” The scribe didn’t reply, mind clearly tired of its confusion and instead turning back to something it knew well. He picked up his writing patterns again. Mattie turned away, back to the doorway. “I will leave you to your writing again. Sleep well.” Leaving a small vial of dissolved sleeping pills on the desk, she stepped out of the door.

-

The only class that Mattie knew she would see Eva in was Religion. They didn’t actually share the class, but Mattie’s Religion teacher was Eva’s form tutor and the older girl often used the classroom as a quieter study area for her free period. Not that Mattie would call a class of thirty sophomores particularly peaceful, but apparently she hadn’t heard the noise of the senior study area, you genuinely don’t understand, last week Jacob Thomas tried to make toast using the sun on a desk and then, bam, the entire of senior year are creating chants about sun bread, it was so weird, Mattie, I transferred to a school of crackheads.

After her travel to the 7th century AD, Mattie sparked a sudden interest in her Religion classes. Eva, being the older sister that she was, watched closely as the sophomore stayed behind after class to search the Bible for something in particular.

“What’re you looking for?”

“Nothing!” Mattie didn’t look up from fervently turning the pages.

“Well, that’s a fucking lie.” Eva perched on the side of a desk, sliding across to snatch the book out of the younger girl’s hands. “Why the hell are you looking at what is essentially the movie credits for the Bible???”

Eva watched as Mattie bit her lip, eyes darting around the empty classroom. She thought for a long moment, visibly debating points in her head, before leaning over the top of the book to run her finger down a list of names. About a third of the way down the page, she stopped. Eva’s eyes followed her finger as it drew a circle around a certain name. Matte Wheyler  

“See. I was looking for that.”

Eva didn’t say anything for a while. Mattie waited with baited breath as Eva’s brain tried to make sense of what they saw. “Mattie Wheeler, what the bagel.” It didn’t bother to even be a question.

“It’s a really long story.” Mattie slumped onto the desk as well. “Hey, did you know that ‘Genesis’ would have originally been called ‘Generational Crisis’ if it wasn’t for me?”

After a glance at both of their timetables, they decided that their next lessons (biology and latin respectively) were worth missing. Instead, they stayed seated on a desk in the Religion classroom, as Mattie explained in detail how her name came to be in the Bible. It was refreshing to finally spill her secret after fifteen years of complete silence, and Mattie wondered vaguely in the back of her mind if one day Eva might be able to share in her time travelling adventures. That might take a little more explaining though, because Eva sure did have a lot of questions.

“So, you don’t change anything?”

“Not anything major. Like, I can’t stop Hitler or anything, that would change too big an event. Little things, however, like names and stuff, it’s fun to mess around with. Ever wondered why the Italian city, Pisa, has its name? I delivered pizza to the guys who were kind of like the government at the time of its naming. Hence, the Leaning Tower of Pizza.”

Eva cackled. “Wait, what?! God, dude, that’s nuts. What the fuck.”

“What can I say, all I really want in life is a little bit of chaos and also mozzarella sticks.”

-

Mattieeeee sent a photo.

evanescence: is that??? abraham lincoln????

Mattieeeee: Abraham Lincoln was an otter.

evanescence: how so?

Mattieeeee: Point one: look at him.

Mattieeeee: Point two: no seriously. Look at him.

evanescence: oh my god

evanescence: i cannot believe you have a literal selfie with abraham lincoln that’s fucking wild

Mattieeeee: Perks of the job :D

evanescence: literally hire me i want a selfie with cleopatra

-

farrah o’satanic ritual: yall i got out of the shower like an hour ago and i still haven’t changed

Imposter: What can I say, bath robes are in fashion rn

farrah o’satanic ritual: ive told you before clark stop pretending you know how to dress

Mattieeeee: Farrah did you not die in the shower?

katherine: ????mattie???????

farrah o’satanic ritual: no?? i didn’t

SmileyRiley: dang it

katherine: riLEY-

caicrow: riley i thought we’d moved on from murder

Imposter: Plot twist: Mattie was the murderer all along

katherine: CLARK-

Mattieeeee: oops-

-

It wasn't meant to happen, she swore up and down it was a mistake. A true and honest accident. And it kinda was? I mean Mattie hadn’t intended for the scaffolding on the new tower being constructed in Pisa to wobble, she’d already fucked up Pisa once in her career, but… Well, that's what she got for letting loose Giles and Corey (her occasional time travelling companions, who also happened to be cats) in the middle of a Italian city in 1252. She could have sworn the catnip was safely concealed in one of the pockets inside her jacket (which was filled with all sorts of trinkets from her travels in the space-time continuum), yet somehow the two had still gotten into it. She guessed that's what she got for not hydrating-feel-greating and eating-to-defeating.

An old citizen eyed her suspiciously, taking in her struggle with the two cats. Or maybe she was just more focused on Mattie’s goggles - she doubted anyone in 13th century Pisa had seen such a bold fashion statement before. The tower continued to lean in the background.

Finally, Giles and Corey settled down, each in a pocket of her trench coat. Mattie breathed a sigh of relief, which only got halfway out of her before she was sucking it back in as the old lady from across the street began to approach her.

“Young lady.”

Mattie smiled sheepishly. “Hello, ma’am. Is everything alright?”

The lady looked mildly amused. “I couldn’t help but notice your two cats going mysteriously close to the tower before it started collapsing. You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?”

“Oh, no, ma’am. My cats are very well behaved.” Giles gave a resounding yelp at exactly the wrong time. A hiss from Corey echoed from the opposite pocket.

“Well,” the lady grinned, “If that’s the case, why don’t you leave the animals with me? You seem fairly preoccupied with the tower - perhaps you can try and assist its reconstruction?” She held out a hand.

Mattie thought for a moment and then handed across the two cats. “Thank you ever so much, ma’am. I’ll try and be quick.” The woman nodded and Mattie sped across the square to the drastically swaying tower.

When she arrived back at the woman’s table, there was a second lady in animated conversation with her. As Mattie approached, she stood up to take her leave, pressing a kiss to the first lady’s hair as she left. Something was definitely fruity there.

“All fixed!”

“I’m glad.” The woman nudged the cats back to their owner, looking intensely over Mattie’s shoulder to the stabilised tower. “It certainly looks sturdier.”

“I should hope so.”

The woman narrowed her eyes. “Sometimes,” she said, staring pointedly at an area on the structure, “I think about crabs.”

“Oh?” Mattie tilted her head. “Do you?”

“Yes. And often when I think about crabs, I think that they shouldn’t be in Pisa, and they most definitely should not be crawling over the tower.”

Mattie gasped and followed her gaze, muttering curses under her breath. “I didn’t realise I’d brought a whole crab with me! I thought I’d taken the sea life off the rocks!”

The woman chuckled. “You seem to be a strange character. Child, where on Earth did you find not only rocks large enough to support a tower, but also a live crab in Pisa?”

Accepting her fate, Mattie decided to tell the truth. “They’re from Egypt.” At the woman’s questioning look, she expanded, “I’m a traveller of sorts.”

“Oh. Well, child, you’re a gift of a traveller. Brightened my day. Italy these days is far too serious. Maybe we should put more crabs on the leaning tower, huh?”

Tucking her cats back into their respective pockets, Mattie allowed herself to laugh. “Maybe we should.” With a nod and a smile, she wandered off, eagerly awaiting her portal.

-

“Why were you in Egypt anyway?” Eva asked as Mattie recounted yet another of her time-travel-gone-wrong experiences.

“Library of Alexandria.”

“Oh, yeah, because that explains so much.”

“Shut up.” She rolled her eyes. “It was 48 BC, Caesar was burning shit, this random Roman dude set fire to the library.” She pulled a book out of her backpack. “I saved this and stashed away a few of the slabs of rock. And apparently a crab.”

Eva took the book in awe. “Jesus Christ… This thing is, like, thousands of years old…”

“I know, right? Weird.” She watched as Eva flicked through the pages, tracing her finger over certain words or illustrations. “But it was such a beautiful library, I couldn’t let it just burn. So, I retaliated. Burnt the house of the soldier who set the original flame.”

“Mattie!”

She shrugged. “Setting someone’s house on fire is a survival skill.”

“Oh my God.”

“I would have done something more dramatic, but I had to get home. I had a cake which would need to come out of the oven.”

Eva laughed, the sound echoing around the empty classroom. They were skiving class again, this time PE, the one class they had which coincidentally fell at the same time for both year groups. “How are you so normal in school, but so badass when you time travel?”

“I dunno. All I can say is that cake and spite are my only motivators.”

“You’re like a superhero. ‘Time Travelling Mattie: The Only One Who Can Lead A Dual Life Successfully’!!!”

Mattie blushed, shrugging. She definitely needed to take Eva with her one day. A superhero duo. “Okay, that name needs some work. How about: ‘Sanchez And Wheeler, The Ultimate Time Travelling Duo’?”

“I think I like the sound of that.”

“Yeah?”

Eva nodded, shaking her hand like they were signing a business contract. “Yeah.”