#tw desrealization

[yacnelgs]

Im asking this here because i dont find any answers and im kinda desesperate

TW alchohol, drugs? Idk

Why any substances make an efect on me, its not like i've ever taken something "hard" like idk cocaine? But no matter how much alcohol i take i never feel drunk and if i mix it with benzos its the same.

Im someone who stays almost always stupidly sober, the kind of person who only drinks in christmas or new year. So no its not like my body us used to it, i find about this a few days ago in a party (its a miracle me going to one) afer drinking a botle of ron and only feeling at much a little dizzy(and it was meybe my desrealization)

And for pills its the same, idk why i tried to take those (an impulsive thing prephaps because im not prescribed with, in this case, clonazepam o valium)

Its makes sense on why others 0D atemps didnt work(one time when i was a teen my doctor and my parents didnt belived me because if i actually taked that much pills i "should have slept at least for a day".

Soo ugh is this,, bad???? I hate doctors so i really dont want to go to one

[just-a-latina-fangirl]

Serious question: is it depersonalization/derealization if you feel like you're in a tv show but in terms of picturing your movements/actions/expressions in like different camera angles or shots?

[albino-whumpee]

The Master´s party

A little teaser for you. 

A grin quirked the man´s lips up when he held his chin in a bruising grip. Sann let out a pathetic yelp as the man pulled his face closer to his. 

“You´re an awful liar”

(This one´s long, just heads up for that and just so you know what Albus is taking about at the end, read Of secrets and memories )

This is a series, here´s the Masterlist

Taglist:  @castielamigos-whump-side-blog @giggly-evil-puppy @cowboysrappin @haro-whumps @burtlederp @neuro-whump @comfortforthepain @whumps-the-word @whole-and-apart-and-between @broken-horn @ashintheairlikesnow @rosesareviolentlyread @starnight-whump @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @as-a-matter-of-whump  @whumpasaurus101 @grizzlie70 @twistedcaretaker

TW// Dehumanization, slavery, all the box boy jazz, past abuse, shock collars, defiant whumpee, torture, past abuse, conditioning, anxiety, desrealization, humilliation and dissoci@tion. 

The invitation came in a golden envelope.

Albus silently waited for Zarai to read it. He didn´t expect her face to turn from taciturn to horror in the split of a second.

“Absolutely not” she shouted, taking her phone and furiously typing a number as she walked to the studio. Albus glanced at Momo who meowed to be fed.

He was petting the cat while it ate, when he saw Zarai steaming from rage and straightened up in instinct, bracing for a hit that never came.

Zarai let out a loud groan before putting her phone back on the table with a slam that made Albus jump. Slowly his muscles relaxed as he watched the woman rub her temples. He waited a second, just to be sure.

“I can’t believe it. They’re nuts!” She shot her hands up suddenly “Uniform etiquette? That’s- I don’t even know where to start on how wrong that is!” She continued before exhaling a loud, long sigh.

Albus extended her coffee and gulped when he saw her drink it in one go. “I-Is there something wrong with mistress Heleba’s party, ma’am?” He ventured, catching her attention and glad it didn´t come off as misbehaving. She had simply let her chin rest on her hand as she stared at the envelope.

“They want pets to attend the party with uniforms”

Albus frowned. Wasn´t that normal? 

“Would ma´am prefer me to stay then?” he tried, picking up the cup to clean it. He knew she wasn´t exactly a fan of pets in the first place, but her discomfort was aimed more at their owners, so a party with too many of them around? He could smell her complaints from miles.

Albus was surprised to hear her sigh instead. 

“No, I need you there. I wanted you to meet other potential clients and the agencies we will form partnership bonds with in the future. Especially Dune´s executives, but…” she tapped the envelope with bottled anger. His eyes drifted down to the letter.

“Pets are required to use shock collars as uniform etiquette and security measures to our dear guests”

The man at the party´s reception told Zarai as Albus lifted his chin. The man´s partner putting the leather white collar on Zarai´s hand, as the other checked the electrodes against his neck.

Ah, what a familiar sensation, he thought to himself.

“Is it really necessary? He´s not dangerous…” She asked putting the leather collar on her purse with a deep frown on her face.

“Orders from above ma’am” the security guard limited himself to answer.

Zarai whipped her head back at the boy when she heard the buckles click. His hands twitched but he clasped them tightly over his lap, directing a small smile at his owner.

“It´s fine ma´am. Is just a security measure” he said, but a lump formed on his throat when he saw the remote. Squeezing his wrists tight, he held back the impulse to take the collar off himself.

“This button allows you control the intensity and this one is to make it shoot the electricity. Like this” It was already on the lowest voltage so when the man pressed the button, the collar’s box little LED lights turned red for a second as a short wheeze was forced out of Albus.

You forced me to do this 778900. You keep trying to run off somewhere… Don’t be so impatient. Someone will buy you, eventually. This is for your own good.

Zarai yanked the remote from the man “Enough!” He stared at her in confusion as Albus caught his breath. “There was no need for a demonstration” she shot a glare at the man who offered an apologetic smile before she walked away, dragging the boy with her by the arm. “C’mon, Claude will be waiting inside” she whispered, not expecting to not hear a reply. She stopped a few steps away, noticing Albus trembling figure. She looked around the sea of people and dragged both to a small spot besides the pet’s bathroom.

“Can…can you lift your neck Albus?” The boy complied without fighting. Almost robotically. He blinked surprised, however, when he felt her fingers searching for something on his neck. “There” she said with a triumphant click. “They never said anything about it being on” she said, putting the remote into his own hands “I don´t have a use for this. Keep it hidden for me, would you?” she smiled.

Albus eyes softened as he clenched his hand on the remote. “Thank you ma’am”.

Zarai recomposed after giving him a short squeeze on the shoulder ���Let´s go. I don´t want to be here more than necessary. Oh, Claude!” she said, calling the doctor talking with some businesswoman and waving at him as Albus hid the remote on his coat´s pocket.

—-

“Mister Serra! I-I didn´t know” some of the guests told him upon seeing the collar on his neck. He was glad none of the people he considered close was there to see him sport the tag he had tried so very hard to keep hidden.

“I apologize for the confusion” he would say in a bow.

“A pet that can read and work, quite unheard of” a man with a funny mustache said reflexively. Albus recognized him from the archives Zarai had made him memorize about the party´s guests. The vice-president of the adjacent company of the many, Rupert Glass owned. “Pretty interesting tactic from Miss Montenegro to keep your status hidden. Never understood her very well… I might try buy one like you. Normal pets are mostly just for show and I want one that can be useful” he said brushing Albus from head to toe. The boy knew better than to keep his eyes at the same level and shyly let down his gaze.

He wished they could go back home soon.

Even if Zarai treated him well, for most of the attendants he was at the same level of importance as the fine glass on their hands.

A luxury they could afford to break.

They only didn´t because it wasn´t theirs. He, wasn´t theirs. It would be rude if they injured or broke someone else´s property. But they didn´t shy from dragging around by a leash their half-naked, bruised pets. 

Some of their eyes nailed on him with anger, but quickly lifted up at their owners pull on their necks. 

Albus could still feel the glares the other pets shot at him and tilted his head only to catch a glimpse of light brown hair. Sann was wearing a tuxedo with a white rose on his chest. But as soon as he spotted him, Sann disappeared into the sea of people taking Albus´ breath with him. “I…It has been a pleasure to meet you Mister Darcy, but I must attend some…matters. Miss Zarai gives you her greeting and wishes you good health” he said, offering his hand to stretch. The older man only gave it a look before wrinkling his nose.

“I don´t handshake pets” he said. Albus backed his hand slowly.

“Excuse me. Thank you for your time, sir” he bowed as he had learnt back on the facility before he dismissed him with a flick of his hand.

He quickly walked away to scan the crowd, not finding the freckled boy among them. He tried searching by the special drink fountain for pets in the back, next to the bathrooms. It only served water and tasteless crackers. A clear contrast with the tables overflowing with delicious looking pastries and varied choices of drinks for their masters. But he wasn´t there or at tables, laying his head on Robert´s knees either.

The man sat with another man, carding his fingers through a shivering girl´s hair sitting by his knees with a charming smile on. Albus backed away slowly when the girl convulsed forward and the man next to Robert laughed along him.

He thought maybe he had imagined him, when he felt a tug on his neck.

“Hey, this one´s collar´s turned off” a man with a security uniform told his partner. The man tightened his grip around Albus´ wrist

“What? Did it turn it off?” the man harshly made Albus whip his head to a side. A whimper escaped his lungs. “Ugh, delicate pet alert” He slapped him repeatedly “Did you turn off your collar? Thought you could get away with it? Do you want us to tell your owner what you did? Hm?”

“N-No, no sir” Albus heaved as both men laughed like jackals “Please, let me explain-Ah!” The man holding him twisted his arms to his back.

“Stay, boy, stay. Don´t make us hurt you more than necessary” He yanked his head up so his partner had free way to the collar. He heard it click on again “What a good boy” he cooed, wrapping a zip tie around his wrists “We can´t let this slip, though. We got to tell your owner” he said, holding his head down by the neck and forcing him to walk.

The man roughly shoved him to his knees besides the guard station, a few steps away from the entrance. His breathing got shallow as his eyes darted through the crowd trying to find the familiar black long hair and the blue suit of her partner.

He saw the man talking to the microphone to announce him as if he was a lost child on a supermarket. No. It was more similar to the announcement of a lost wallet.

People stared at him with indignation. Pets stared with apologetic looks before they clung to their master´s arms.

He pulled his knees closer to his chest. 

It was like he was back at the facility. Being disciplined in front of other trainees because his handlers were getting bored of him. Getting pushed to the front at the smallest inconvenience to make an example out of him to encourage the others to follow every order their handlers gave them through his own tearing screams.

He felt hands on his shoulders and jerked back so hard he banged his head against the wall.

“It´s me Albus, I´m sorry for scaring you” Zarai said, helping him up as a few spots invaded his sight “Didn´t expect this to happen…I´m sorry” she whispered as he felt the release of the zip tie on his wrists. He rubbed his bruising wrists, which infuriated the woman. “What´s the meaning of this?” She yelled at the guards.

One of them sighed “Ma´am, this is just standard procedure. It shouldn´t leave marks. Maybe albinos bruise too easily”

Albus heard those words and his brain turned off.  

Everything was below a thick curtain of fog, the sounds were slurred and his limbs moved involuntarily. It was like living a dream. Was he actually awake? He didn´t know.

He felt his legs walk, his mouth speak and his hand write as Zarai talked. But he wasn´t sure if it was real. He wasn´t sure if the people around him were really there.

Their voices sounded as if they were underwater. Unclear and foggy. A fog, thick as a veil covered the world around him as he walked. After a while, he suddenly found himself leaning against a wall. Just hearing the noise of conversations on the distance, when he allowed himself to wrap his arms around his knees on the floor of a balcony.

He tried to pull air into his suddenly too tight chest.

He hated it.

He hated not knowing why exactly those words put him off like that. Having the feeling he hated to hear it in a certain specific voice. He hated the laughter inside his head that filled his senses. He buried his head in his arms.

“Fuck off” he hissed, not expecting to feel a hand on his back.

He jumped up when he saw Sann on his tuxedo, letting out a lame squeak that made the other grin.

The boy stood up “Sorry…” Sann signed with a frown, his hands twitching in front of his chest as if wanting to say something else but not knowing how, he only stared at him.

Albus waited, just in case, before he looked away and set his eyes on the city “Don´t be, you just surprised me” He opened his mouth and then closed it with a sigh “I´m sorry… Just...give me a second” he said, biting his lip when Sann held his hand.

He brushed his thumbs against his pale hand as if saying “It´s ok, just breathe”

Albus made his lips a fine line before letting it out.

“I might always say hello with food, but you always try to hold my hand” he said in a half giggle, squeezing on Sann´s hand slightly tighter. A smile came to his face and somehow, couldn´t shake it away. 

“…Can we stay like this for a bit?” he asked, feeling the fog on his head dissipate slowly.

“Yes” Sann signed before curling his fingers around Albus´ hand.

Albus looked above at the night sky feeling the warmth of the boy´s hand leak into his before he took a deep breath. Despite the sound of the party inside where most likely Zarai was searching for him, it melted with the usual sounds of the city and the rumble of the sea in the distance. He let out his breath slowly, calm settling on his chest.

He wondered since when he had started to feel that way around the other boy. The other pet looked at the cars below with a little smile hanging on his lips. His hair was mussed up, pulled back in a way that framed his face and made his features pop. The sleek attire with the rose delicately set on his chest, was a look that couldn´t be ruined even by the shock collar on his neck intermittently lighting up.

“You look stunning” the words rolled out of his mouth and didn´t notice he had said it out loud until Sann turned to him with wide eyes. He pulled his free hand to his chin to sign a thank you with an even wider smile.

“You. Too” Sann signed as the albino felt his cheeks burn and tried to hide it by fixing his glasses. He squinted when he noticed something about his hand.

“What´s this?” he asked, fishing Sann´s hand and inspecting the new pink circles around his knuckles. Cigarette burns, he identified bitterly. “What happened? A punishment?” His tone urgent as he lifted his eyes and found Sann´s smile had ran away from his face.

He shook his head.

“No? Then why…” Albus asked as Sann pulled his hand away to lean on the balcony, watching the traffic below with a lost gaze and hiding the injured hand. Albus joined him a second later “…just because?”  Sann nodded with a shrug that pulled a string on his heart. Albus wondered if that was normal treatment for Sann and felt a sting of guilt.

It was a possibility to end up with an owner like that, the handlers had told them as much enough times, but Sann deserved someone better as owner. He deserved to be able to smile without fear of not looking pretty and eager enough to avoid being hurt.

The thoughts raced through his head before being interrupted when Sann looked up at the fireworks popping in the distance, putting that beautiful smile on his face yet again. He turned to him and finding his worried frown, his gray eyes softened.

He moved his hands up to sign, but then had second thoughts and simply smiled with slightly worried eyebrows.

“I´ll be fine” Albus could almost hear him say as he pointed his head at the fireworks.

As Albus watched the show of colors a dread began to grown in his heart. He was to act as a person, but that didn´t change he was a Pet. Just like Sann and the many others inside. They looked at him with envy and resentment, but Sann...Sann didn´t. Despite the scars on his neck and the rest of his body; the sadness behind his eyes, he still would let him hold his hand and smile at fireworks. The pleasant memories of his time with Zarai began to pop into his mind like the blue and yellow and red lights shining in the night sky.

How could he even change that for him if he couldn´t be free from it himself?

Albus felt Sann tap on his shoulder and he turned, only to find him smiling at him holding the rose of his chest and gently put it on him. He blinked perplexed at the rose, now on his chest, before his eyes found him shrugging playfully.

“Gift. For you” Sann signed as he watched Albus take out his small notebook and pen and extend it for him. It took him a second, but Sann pulled it up so Albus could read it.

“My Master can be very explosive, but he´s a man of his word. He promised me he would give me a bouquet of roses if I could stand the burns…“ Albus eyes widened in horror before Sann smiled again and tapped on the note, urging him to continue “I only got one flower, but do you like it?”

Albus was speechless for a long moment that made Sann tense up and shrink into his shoulders. Albus hand gently guided him to look at him again.

“I love it” he said as Sann´s face lit up “But, the best gift you can give me is your smile” at that, Sann´s cheeks flared up. “S-So, please, don´t do something like that for me ever again. Please...” Sann was stunned by his words and only could looked down as Albus let down his hand and Sann noticed the wild blush expanding on the albino´s cheeks, right before he felt a shock on his neck.

Sann wheezed, bent over the balcony, before he felt yet another shock. As he gasped for air, Sann worried if his Master was hidden in the shadows. The terror of it being true made him step forward, a primal fear screaming at him to rush to his side. 

“Wait!” Albus caught his wrist before he could run off. Sann stared at him for a second, heart drumming loudly in fear, agitated, so much more than the composure the albino put as front to his worry as he looked up at him could calm him. Ruby eyes full of determination nailed on him through long, white eyelashes. “Before you go, can I give you a kiss?”

Sann was thrown off the loop and glared back inside, darting his eyes through the crowd in fear of another shock, but when he felt Albus hand on his, his heart eased.

He asked.

He asked a toy like him who couldn´t say no.

Sann returned the squeeze and took one step closer. His hands were small and thin, a bit rough around the edges but so soft. Sann looked at his lips and waited for them to seal with his, but to his surprise, Albus pulled his hand and pressed his lips into his knuckles. 

It was a light kiss. Soft and soothing, Sann´s heart melted when he didn´t step closer to kiss him somewhere else and instead only saw Albus pull away.

“See you later” 

Sann stared at him for a moment, longing for more, but as Albus let go whispering, “Take care” he knew he couldn´t be greedy. He had to hang on to it until there was a chance they could meet again.

His Master glared at him when he came running to kneel besides him and then tugged on his collar, lifting his chin up as he checked his chest pocket and found it empty.  He gripped on either side of his cheeks and pressed just enough on his throat with a severe look on his eyes that made Sann recoil before he clipped his leash to his collar and took him outside. 

Sann slowed down when they passed through the security line to return the shock collar, but when the man only tugged on it for him to keep walking, he knew the collar would stay on that night. 

When the man opened the trunk for him to crawl and sit on, he saw something grim shine on his eyes. 

“Where did your rose go?” the man asked, stroking Sann´s cheek. “Did he like it?” 

For the split of a second Sann stopped knowing how to breathe, but the next he was leaning into the man´s hand, shaking his head and then tilting it as if he didn´t understand the question. 

A grin quirked the man´s lips 

[my-name-is-al]

[richiesharksz]

Tw: maybe desrealization

Concept: Fundy non-clipped the reality on his dreams and they're on the backrooms now, he needs to find a way out of there....everything's a dream

anyways this drawing was requested by an anon ovo;

need to stop drawing so much Fundy and Quackity help

[layraket]

TW// Desrealization and Eye contact

"Take. It. Of."

Oc: Bind (She/He)

[aceraphale]

angstember day seven: i’m still here

tw: desrealization, small mention of blood

The Room was big. 

No, that wasn’t right. 

The Room was infinite. Aziraphale could walk and walk and walk and he would never find a wall, let alone a door or a window. It didn’t even have a ceiling, just a floor made of white marble. 

The Room was also white. Infinitely white. Pure white. So white that it felt like his eyes were burning if he kept his eyes open for too long. So white that he doubted he would even find this exact shade back on Earth — if he was ever going back. 

No, that wasn’t right either. 

He would go back. He was the only angel they had on Earth. Nobody else was willing to live among humans and sully their celestial bodies. There was no sullying in The Room, only quiet contemplation and resignation. He doubted any angels other than him felt as anxious as he did when they threw him in The Room. Maybe they even enjoyed the time alone. 

Maybe he was the only angel who deserved to be forgotten there. And he’d been forgotten — multiple times. 

I’m still here. 

Sometimes he was sure that the whiteness would swallow him whole, leaving nothing behind for the Archangels to find once they tried to get him out. 

I’m still here. 

Sometimes he would forget he was real, that he had a physical body that could feel things. There was little to feel in The Room. Coldness, warmth, noises, smells — they were all things that happened to the world outside. Inside it was only him and his thoughts and his dreams. 

And oh, how he’d dream. 

Sometimes he would dream of the bookshop. Of walking into things and feeling pain, of drinking hot cocoa to feel warm, of hearing the sounds of cars and people. 

Sometimes he would dream of the Garden, of Rome, of the Globe. Of tasting fruit, of drinking wine, of laughing at a play. 

And he would always dream of Crowley. Of their hair and their smiles and their voice. Of walks along the park and laughing late at night and eating at little restaurants. 

Dreams were good. Dreams were nice. But dreams ended, and sometimes they couldn’t keep the whiteness at bay. Couldn’t stop the nothingness from dragging him down. Couldn’t stop Aziraphale’s nails from getting bloody in a desperate attempt to remember. 

To remember his dreams were real. To remember Crowley was real. To remember he was real. 

I’m still here. 

[albino-whumpee]

Forgotten

Taglist:  @castielamigos-whump-side-blog @giggly-evil-puppy @cowboysrappin @haro-whumps @burtlederp @neuro-whump @comfortforthepain @whumps-the-word @whole-and-apart-and-between @broken-horn @ashintheairlikesnow @rosesareviolentlyread​ @starnight-whump @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @as-a-matter-of-whump  @whumpasaurus101 @grizzlie70​ @twistedcaretaker 

Please tell me if you´d like me to add or remove you from the list.

Revamped this little extra entirely. Hope you like it!

CW// Desrealization, dissoci@tion, PTSD, amnesia, conditioning, pet whump, creepy caretaker and some angst.

It was late evening on a Friday. An unusually lazy day, where Zarai had gone back home earlier than closing time. Although, it had become almost routine to take the long way home on Fridays.

When that happened she got in her car, put the radio and went around the city. Albus got weirdly excited whenever they passed something familiar, like a supermarket or the highway to work. Because it meant they were soon to get home. However, he also deeply enjoyed seeing new things.

The school with white tiles and the copper statue of a man in robes, or the library next to it with a modern glass and steel structure that allowed to see through the many students fighting to stay awake during finals week. 

He was marveled by the colors of all the small and big stores in the business district. He always tried to memorize their colors so he could draw them later. 

His glasses had now made the world clearer to him and used any opportunity to burn into his memory every sight. 

Albus particularly liked passing the park. If he stretched his neck a bit and squinted, he could see the lake hidden by a thick layer of trees. Somehow, it sparked a certain displeasure on the back of his head to catch a glimpse of water, but he loved the colors reflected in the water when the sun went down.

He was looking at the windows of a candy store when Zarai asked him the usual question on those days.

“Do you see anything familiar?”

He gave one last look at the intersection. The candy store in one side, the entrance to a larger building on the other and a newspaper stand in front of a coffee shop.

“No, ma’am” it was the answer most times. She would sigh and put her hand on her cheek before making the car move again.

He would then lower his head, rounding his thumbs over each other before looking out the window again. Trying to catch something that was familiar to satisfy his obviously displeased owner.

“Nothing?” She insisted.

“Only those, ma’am” he pointed to the signs that read the highway was 300 meters to the right. She sighed loudly before turning right. “I´m sorry”

“It´s ok, Al. I think is enough for today. We went north last week, so. Next week we will go a bit further to the west” she told herself. Albus nodded, wondering what exactly was she looking for.

He rested his head on the window, staring outside as the radio changed songs.

A metallic sound making the harmony of a guitar solo. Just before the battery started, his fingers were already tapping to the rhythm. In perfect sync.

It took a bit before Zarai caught him humming to the song. Lost in thought staring outside the window.

“...I am leaving. This is starting to feel like its right before my eyes. And I can taste it, it’s my sweet beginning“he whispered along, before the guitar riff pulled a smile on his face. “This was Annie’s favorite” Zarai glanced at him, surprised. She listened to his singing, waiting for a follow up of that Annie. But it didn’t come. The song kept playing making company to his humming.

“I can tell is what you want, you don’t want to be alone, you don’t want to be alone…”

Zarai tightened her grip on the wheel.

“But you’ve known it the whole time. Yeah, you’ve known it the whole time…”

She waited until the song was over to ask “So who’s this Annie?” She asked as she turned right to enter the road leading to a dreaded place by both. Surrounded by thick woods, WRU´s training facility poked through the tree tops and made the boy next to her tense up. 

She kept a tight eye on the road as her head made a movie that sparked up a slight pain on her back. However, she didn´t dare show that to the boy who looked as if he had forgotten how to breathe until they had crossed that part of the highway. 

Albus turned his head slightly to make sure they were leaving the facility behind with a hand settled on his collar. Twisting the buckles between his fingers as if trying to make sure it was indeed still wrapped around his neck.

“So” Zarai started, making the boy snap back at her “Who´s Annie?”

 Albus looked at her, puzzled.

“Annie, Ma’am?” He repeated the words, strange on his mouth suddenly.

“Yeah, you said that was her favorite song” Albus eyebrows furrowed slightly as he tilted his head, not understanding.

“I did?” He looked at the road and stayed quiet for a while, rummaging through his memories and only flaring up the pain behind his eyes “I’m sorry, I- I don’t remember, ma’am”

“It’s fine, don’t force yourself” she sighed, taking another look at him before pulling her eyes back to the rows of houses.

During those weekly strolls, Albus had told her intermittently something reminded him of Annie. The newspaper stand in front of the coffee shop was where he bought her comics. The statue, where they would meet if they got lost. The park was where they would go after school and stay there until deep night.

But every time, he forgot immediately he had even said anything. It wasn’t abnormal he tuned out after talking sometimes, but she wondered if it was just part of his training or if it was a coping mechanism to protect him from bad memories.

Regardless, she would wait for the day he would tell her something that stuck. Maybe something that would make him remember his Annie. Whoever that was. But she couldn´t help but wonder if it would stay as a broken fragment of his memory, unable to recall it properly forever. Like his name.

“Albus?” Zarai asked, tapping on the wheel. 

“Yes, ma´am?” 

She gouged his face, looking for something that showed he was uncomfortable, that it pained him to hear her call, but there was nothing but eagerness and a faint smile, just like when she named him.

“Are you hungry?” she changed the subject before pulling over to the mall close to their home "Let´s get something for dinner, yeah? It´s been a rough week and I´m dying to get something that doesn’t come in my diet”

“That would be amazing, ma´am” the boy said with unusual sincerity. The bags under his eyes were only getting darker as the days passed.

“We´re going to get you new clothes too. You basically swim in most of them” The boy blushed slightly as he looked down at himself. “It´s a good thing. I´m glad some fit you now”

“Are you happy with me, ma´am?” he suddenly asked her as she parked the car. It took her a second to smile back at him.

“Yeah, I am” she said and almost laughed when he saw his eyes spark “What about you?” the boy´s smile fractured “Are you happy here? With me?”

“I...I´m allowed a bed, and take hot baths, and have...friends. I´m even allowed to go out with my I.D. alone and earn money for myself” he started pointing out with a smile, but Zarai took a deep breath. 

“But are you happy?”

The boy´s smile cracked again and his eyes fell down before he quickly pulled them back up. The answer to her question took a bit longer to come out.

“I couldn´t be happier with my life as your Pet” the boy said in that broken record tone and a fake smile. The fog on his eyes only made it clearer to her he didn’t mean it.

“I see. I´m glad” she sighed before Albus stepped out of the car and rounded it to open her door for her. She reeled back the water on her eyes and slid down her sunglasses as she stepped out of the car and walked, knowing the albino walked one step behind her. Knowing he would never try to cross that distance.

[my-name-is-al]

tw// desrealization

Alright, I'm really sorry for being so inactive but, I'm literally having a mental breakdown every fucking day. I don't even know what's real anymore. Sorry sorry

btw, can you guys assure me that you're real? I truly need it