#tumblrtumblrtumblr

[caprice-nisei-enjoyer]

I don't think I've seen more than 1 or 2 honest-to-god callout posts in my time on this site. Can anyone link me to a recent example?

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

Frank, what did you do to the replies

I can't see what the problem is?

[kontextmaschine]

"Let's make a regular weekly thing out of you paying us to show everyone your cat" seems like a wholesome monetization of social media

[asagi-asagiri]

Wait, there's people that actually indulge the delusions of people that list DNIs on their profile? WHY??

[kontextmaschine]

Honestly that's a pretty good pitch for [tumblr]

[ladybracknellssherry]

staring in the mirror: write the fic write the fic write the fic write the fic

*reads other people's fics / spends a whole lot of time drawing without seeming to learn how to draw / awake for 30 hours at a time / asleep for 12 hours at a time / debating on if it's an adhd meds day so that maybe i can write the fic or if the meds will mess up my erratic schedule somehow even more / tumblrtumblrtumblr / listen to the same song on repeat / forget to eat again*

staring in the mirror: you sad sack of shit what the fuck

[caprice-nisei-enjoyer]

Why doesn't [tumblr] do the thing that Reddit and Twitter do with adult content?

If you aren't familiar, the latter sites allow users to indicate whether a post is nsfw when posting, then put up a single-click filter before you can see the content of nsfw posts. This (plus banning anyone who posts untagged nsfw) seems like the sort of thing that would solve their issues getting the iOS app approved, and it seems startlingly easy to implement given that it's exactly what they do with banned tags.

[kontextmaschine]

…what?

[asagi-asagiri]

If social media sites are going to nickel and dime people, blocking and reporting people being like $5 or $10 each time you do it would be a good way to do it instead of locking basic features like not having ads without needing ublock origin behind subscription.

[freudensteins-monster]

...I know what it’s for. That’s why I clicked on the fucking button.

[caprice-nisei-enjoyer]

> Be me

> Don't speak Hebrew, don't see it often

> Post on my dash

> Screenshot of Hebrew Twitter with commentary and tags in Hebrew

> Based on your likes!

[kontextmaschine]

I bet if people reconstructed human society from [tumblr] archives there would be a period where scholars were aware of "the elf piss ask" but had not yet encountered it

[kontextmaschine]

This is unironically a tribute to the utility of enchanting the cycle of seasons with a calendar of annual holidays as a culture-consolidating force

nothing compares to the calendar on this site. flat fuck friday. the halloween post that always shows up mid july. you see four anime girls and immediately know what day of the week it is. on the ides of march we all wake up and clown on some guy who got stabbed two thousand years ago. last week we celebrated down with cis day. I can’t wait for ever given and nov 5th anniversary memes. anyways have a lovely neil banging out the tunes day

[asagi-asagiri]

so now we've got 29 more days of conservatives/fascists/libertarians getting physically triggered seeing rainbows or anything that has more than two different colors on it

[mourning-again-in-america]

i shouldn’t be baffled to find out that tumblr doesn’t do url spacing on some of its links to search, so the search query obviously fails

[kontextmaschine]

So wait is Blaze hooked into this, like it says "estimated 2500 impressions" cause it guesses what'll pull that, bids, and pockets the difference from your consumer-level payment?

I love tumblr. I love that tumblr is the best social media site of 2021.

Every other site has spent the last decade perfecting the art of targeted ads. I am a wallet of flesh and blood which must be stripped bare and profiled and picked apart for the maximally efficient way to squeeze profit from my presence. Every other site will fold and morph itself to a shape of my liking - like a fairy tale trickster stealing memories and taking their mold - to lull me into compliance and loosen my coin purse.

Facebook sees me searching fitness equipment and injects my timeline with athletic wear ads. Reddit profiles the subreddits I follow and eagerly promotes a new coding bootcamp or cloud service at every turn. Google overhears me lamenting over my moving to-do list on voice call and fills in my “how much to tip movers” query before I’ve gotten the third word typed out.

Tumblr never even tried.

They could have. The information is there. The basic infrastructure, presumably, exists. Tumblr can recommend me tags based on tags I follow, blogs based on blogs I follow, even posts that for one reason or another may strike my fancy. Tumblr could be - SHOULD be - funneling this framework into advertising, as the only means that free-to-use social media platforms can turn a profit in our capitalistic hellscape.

They just don’t.

Today I saw an ad for treating Hyperhidrosis - a condition, I think, in which a person sweats too much - and I saw it twice, four posts apart, and it is so incredibly benignly impersonally ineptly untargeted toward me compared to all other pinpoint-aimed advertising that I’m endeared to it. Tumblr knows NOTHING about me. 8 years, 51,000 likes, and tumblr has not learned a THING about me.

Advertisements for a mattress? Shitty mobile game ads that don’t make even the slightest pretense at being anything other than a candy crush rip-off? Choose-your-own adventure games either about Royal Espionage or Choosing The Wrong Dress For Your Date with ZERO in-between.

And then this. This here. The culmination, the crown-jewel of tumblr’s nihilistic non-compliance with the state of social media advertising. Any pretense of capitalistic exchange is abandoned at the gas station by the side of the road. This is not a company. This is not a product. This is not anything that fulfills the contract of consumer and seller. 

THIS. THIS IS WHAT TUMBLR HAS TO OFFER INSTEAD.

“Pour vinegar on your bread, fuck you.”

“Put it in the garbage, fuck you.”

“Your wife says you’re a fucking dumbass, fuck you.”

That’s it. That’s the advertisement. You vinegar-breadless cuck. You virgin extraordinaire bereft of bread and garbage can. I am fucking your wife right now in our vinegar-soaked motel bed. She puffs a cigarette which I pulled from the trashcan and we both laugh heartily at her recounts of your immasculine ineptitude. I don’t want your money. I don’t want anything from you. Fuck you. 

Amazing. Amazing. What a state of things to ring in 2021. What a great platform we all collectively choose to be on.