#tumblr/Connie Williams

[sexypinkon]

“All the people I met…were bohemians…and I guess I was too. That's why I've never had any money.

“To look at me now, you'd think I was born fat but I wasn't. I used to pose for these young artists. Fifty cents an hour. Then I'd take the money and buy food and cook it for them. That would happen two, three times a week.”

- Connie Williams

restaurateur, culture-bearer, and community organizer.

[shadowsstarwc]

uughhhhh (not so)new tcm oc who’s actually survives the fam despite his throat but i don’t have much ability or stat info other than he’s tough/prof based idk

[mikashi-kahsmi]

A collection of various colored art pieces I had drawn during my period when I could not use my iPad to produce art. These were colored version of a series of sketches I had created sometime ago. The character's names are, from left to right:

Willam

Reanna

Mai

Connie

These art pieces also act as minor clothing studies.

[phoenixtakaramono]

Into the Butchlander Multiverse Threadfic - Part II

Tumblr Navigation: I | II

EXCERPTS: "Fuck being a gentleman. If I waited for you any longer, we'd both be in our eighties. ...So believe me, William. As much as this hurts me to do this...you have to be punished a little." | Like a brat who doesn't realize the consequences of his actions and that he's about to get spanked, Homelander invites with an easy grin, "Well, gentlemen, which one of you wants to go first?"

CW: 🔞 scene involving 7 Butchers sandwiching 1 Homelander, spoilers for The Name of the Game (AO3), Truce (AO3), and my other butchlander AU threadfics these 5 Butchers originate from

(You can read the rest of the threadfic update here!)

If you don’t have a Twitter account, screenshots are provided below the line break so you can read this update on Tumblr as well (contains ⚠️🔞 below, so proceed with caution if you’re out in public):

Billy recognizes the pensive look Homelander's directing over at Billy's doppelgängers, with his pretty blue eyes all expressive and forlorn.

Once Sameer wanders out of earshot, Homelander floats on over to Billy, his deep honeyed voice full of longing as he whispers, "Why can't we keep them here?"

Billy is not about to sit down and explain to Connie Butcher née Atkinson why she suddenly has a set of seven nearly-identical septuplets—when she'd only given birth to two sons.

Neither does Billy want to share his Homelander with them.

But instead of voicing his true thoughts aloud, Billy retorts calmly, "Because, John, you have me, don't you?" The moment the name fell from his lips, he knows he's gotten Homelander's attention. Billy spares him a look.

They were going to have a nice long chat about the dreams Homelander had mentioned having—but now’s clearly not the time for that conversation.

"Besides...they all got their own Homelanders to go home to.” Billy offers a smirk. “Let's not separate the lovers, eh?"

It's the smart answer, because that's what gets Homelander to reluctantly do away with any of his dark intrusive thoughts to sabotage the machine and hold all six Butchers back as some sort of f*cked up modern-day harem of Butchers to cater to him, preventing them from returning to their worlds.

But it's an answer that must've jinxed Billy’s, because the moment that all six Butchers blink out of existence in a brilliant glow, the machine starts sparking. Sameer’s shouts for a fire extinguisher are heard as a blanket of smoke buffets the air.

The overhead sprinklers came on, raining down on the sparking machinery.

But that’s not the issue. Because now, standing in the vacated space of the six Butchers who'd disappeared, six Homelanders, and his Homelander, are staring back shell-shocked at one equally stunned William J. Butcher.

(The End...?)

———

(A/N) - Y'all... Groan with me, because this writer had written completely beautiful romantic prose that'd been 58 tweets long at the end from 1AM to 6AM—when my computer decided to restart on me. 😂😥 I did my best to recreate what I could remember here, but we light candles for what could've been my best 🔞 writing for a threadfic, ahhhhhh. I did my best but this is only a 60% recreation. RIP 💀. I hope y'all enjoyed nonetheless! ✨（￣︶￣）↗　

By the way, the ending is open-ended because it teases a second follow-up to this threadfic. But it won't be till later when I start it.

[adaptacy]

Texas Chainsaw Massacre Masterlist

!! Fluff will be left unmarked.🕷 - Nsfw 🕊 - Angsty/potentially upsetting. !!

..This will probably always be a WIP. Check back often..

Johnny Slaughter:

Tumblr Identifier: #Adapting to Johnny Slaughter (If you're looking for requests/head canons.)

Johnny Slaughter Spotify Playlist NSFW Johnny Slaughter Playlist

🕷 A Bloody Appetite ➳ Johnny x Victim!Afab!Reader ➳ TW: Blood, violence, dub-con, knife play.

🕷 Johnny NSFW Alphabet ➳ TW: Mentions of noncon, cannibalism, dubcon.

🕷 Love Or Hunger? ➳ Johnny x Afab!Reader ➳ TW: Cannibalism, character death, violence.

🕊 🕷 Johnny Pregnancy Head canons (Pt.1 & Pt.2) ➳ Reformed!Johnny x Afab!Reader ➳ TW: Mentions of trauma, gen angst. *Reformed = Ex-cannibal.

🕷 The Big Bad Wolf ➳ Werewolf!Johnny x Connie Taylor

🕷 A Hunter's Moon (Pt.1 & Pt.2) ➳ Werewolf!Johnny x Afab!Reader x Werewolf Hunter!Leland ➳ TW: Minor bloodplay, hunter/prey

Popular drabbles: 🕊Stalker!Johnny 🕊Reformed!Johnny 🕊🕷Virgin!Reader

Other: Johnny Slaughter Character A.I. Werewolf!Johnny Slaughter Character A.I.

Leland Mckinney:

Tumblr Identifier: #Adapting to Leland Mckinney (If you're looking for requests/head canons.)

Leland Mckinney Spotify Playlist NSFW Leland Mckinney Playlist

🕷🕊 The Death of Peace of Mind ➳ Brainwashed!Leland Mckinney x Afab!Reader ➳ TW: Major angst, mental illnesses, potential for major character death.

🕷 Southern Nights ➳ Leland Mckinney x Sonny Williams ➳ TW: Very minor angst

🕊 Leland Dad Head canons ➳ Survivor!Leland Mckinney x Afab!Reader ➳ TW: Scars, gen angst. *Survivor = Post-tcsm.

🕊 Survivor!Leland Head canons ➳ TW: Trauma, scars, gen angst.

🕷 Leland Nsfw Alphabet (Pt.1 & Pt.2) ➳ Leland x Reader

🕷 A Hunter's Moon (Pt.1 & Pt.2) ➳ Werewolf!Johnny x Afab!Reader x Werewolf Hunter!Leland ➳ TW: Minor bloodplay, hunter/prey

Popular Drabbles: 🕷 Virgin!Reader 🕊 Survivor!Leland

Other: Survivor!Leland Character A.I. (Profile picture by @ lifesver)

Sissy Slaughter:

Tumblr Identifier: #Adapting to sissy slaughter (If you're looking for requests/head canons.)

~~ Only requests currently. No custom drabbles yet.~~

Danny Gaines:

Other: Danny Gaines Character A.I.

[autisticshadowthehedgehog]

WAIT CONNIE FROM DUAL PROCESS THEORY?!???! FUNNIEST SONIC TUMBLR IS ALSO GREATEST FNAF THEORY?!??!

Also consider for the Casey Lee Williams playlist, "One Thing" when Shadow reawakens :)

[juliescrawford]

juliescrawford's corner

i'm not new to tumblr, but i am new to this account lmao. i plan to write fanfics on here so think of this as a temporary list???

some things i REFUSE to write for is: r4pe, 1ncest, necro stuff, p3do stuff, or anything too triggering. depending on the request, there will be trigger warnings if needed :)

i might do smut in the future, but right now i won't take requests for it

i write for:

horror

johnny slaughter

sissy slaughter

nubbins sawyer

chop top sawyer

bubba sawyer

thomas hewitt

bo sinclair

vincent sinclair

tex sawyer

charlie walker

brahms heelshire

resident evil

leon kennedy

carlos oliveira

luis serra

jill valentine

miscellaneous

nick jones

leland mckinney

ana flores

julie crawford

connie taylor

sonny williams

quentin smith

dean forester

tristan dugray

any dbd character

spencer reid

daryl dixon

dean winchester (early seasons rn)

sam winchester (early seasons rn)

feel free to leave requests pookies <3

[andrewmoocow]

Steven Universe Snake Eyes chapter 1: Home is Where the Heart Is (originally posted on August 28, 2023)

AN: This is it, everyone. The end finally begins here. We are about to embark on the final installment of Steven Universe: Alternate Future, a grand finale three years in the making. But before we begin, a little history lesson. I intended to follow up Alternate Future with just one sequel, but because I just can't stop at just one story, it soon sprang up into the little shared universe you see before you. Afterwards, I got the idea of the Snake People after watching Planet Hulk on Netflix, which some of you may remember from an answer to an ask I got on my Tumblr, in addition to Thor Ragnarok and Ratchet Deadlocked. So, I slowly began planting the seeds for this epic conclusion throughout most of the previous stories, mainly in The Black Pearl Brigade, which I used as an outlet to expand on this version of Steven's universe and introduce new characters that would play a role in Snake Eyes. Now that we've set the stage, let us begin at last.

Synopsis: Steven returns home to Beach City, but the Gems have gone missing. When Black Rutile explains where the Gems have been taken, Steven goes on a rescue mission.

Cast:

Zach Callison as Steven

Noël Wells as Black Rutile

Tom Scharpling as Greg

Grace Rolek as Connie

Zach Steel as Ronaldo

Dee Bradley Baker as Lion

Della Saba as Aquamarine

Charlyne Yi as Eyeball, Doc, Navy, Leggy, Army

Christine Pedi as Holly Blue Agate

Casey Lee Williams as Cat's Eye

Avi Roque as Cinnabar

Awkwafina as Kyanite

Allison Janney as Pyrite

Kimberly Brooks as Dalmatian Jasper

Zehra Fazal as Zoisite

Lena Hall as Bloodstone

Jodie Whittaker as Xenotime

Kari Wahlgren as Pyrope

Melissa Fahn as Demantoid, Eyeball Demantoid

Jinkx Monsoon as Emerald, Chest Emerald

Hayley Kiyoko as Morganite

Halsey as Tanzanite

Idina Menzel as Amazonite

Mia Barron as Apatite

Jennifer Paz as Phoenix Lapis

Gina Torres as Andesine

Barbara Dunkelman as Amber

Kristen Schaal as Howlite

Olivia Olson as Citrine Twins

Neil Flynn as The Officer/Aescul

Chris Jai Alex as Sneople Soldier Leader

Henry Rollins as Captain Boa

--

"Another day, another minute spent in this hellhole." Black Rutile groaned to herself as she scratched another tally mark on the wall of her Revanche 666 prison cell before lying on her back. "A great man once said that a wise strategist gathers all his information before deciding on a course of action. Well, guess he wasn't talking about me when he said that."

Three weeks ago, by Black Rutile's estimate at least, she was taken to prison on Revanche 666 after the Crystal Gems finally had enough of her scheming to take over the universe and destroy them once and for all. She had everything all planned out too, she manipulated several Crystal Gems to her side, got the support of humans who shared her worldview, and expanded her army with previous allies and innocent Gems she brainwashed into joining her. But once again, thanks to a certain human whose last name she can never get right, Black Rutile's plans had been foiled and she was forced to face the consequences for it. Now all that she had left were the mindless conversations of her subordinates to keep her company.

"Come on, they have one female servicing a large group of males," Kyanite said while in a heated debate over the reproduction of a certain species. "That implies a species that lays eggs."

"Oh my Diamonds, you're crazy!" an irritated Bloodstone yelled. "They are so obviously mammals!"

"Please, she'd be in estrus 24/7 if she didn't lay eggs!" Kyanite objected to Bloodstone's point.

"But they don't lay eggs!" Bloodstone replied. "I don't have to keep telling you this!"

"You're both wrong." Howlite butted into the two's conversation. "They are beings who reproduce asexually, therefore they have no reproductive organs to procreate with."

"Dang Howlite, why you always gotta get so smart on us?" Kyanite asked Howlite.

"Can you nitwits shut up with your insane babbling?!" Aquamarine shrieked from her cell. "I am trying to plot our revenge here!"

"Hey, why are you the one making plans?" Cat's Eye asked Aquamarine while waking up from a cat nap. "Shouldn't Black Rutile be the one arranging everything and gathering forces like she always does?"

"Unfortunately, it seems Black Rutile is no longer fit to lead us," Aquamarine stated, cringing as she insulted the Rutile Rebels' grand leader. "Just look at her, she's become like a pathetic wet cat who's been left out in the rain for way too long."

"You know I can hear you, and I do not like what you're saying." Black Rutile snarled at her tiny second in command.

"But it's true!" Eyeball agreed with Aquamarine. "You've lost your touch, my Rutile! It was because you couldn't accept defeat that we're stuck here today, stripped of our rights and locked up like animals!"

"Yeah, I just wanted my family back!" Tanzanite yelled.

"You need to accept that we lost!" Holly Blue added.

"Yelling feels really cathartic right now!" Amber cheered, only wanting to join in as the other Rutile Rebels snapped at their leader with accusations, making Black Rutile's already low self-esteem worsen before they heard a knock.

"Hey, keep it down, all of you!" a Bismuth guard shouted. "Lights out everyone, see you all in 0800 hours!" However, lights out soon arrived earlier than expected as the imprisoned Gems heard a loud explosion from the entrance of the prison, followed by alarms blaring as a group of snakelike soldiers dressed in black and white armor marched into the prison with blasters at the ready.

"Wow, look at all these Gems!" the leader laughed in surprise. "It's like they had them all wrapped up for us as presents! Okay boys, move out. This should be easy pickings."

"No, not them!" Black Rutile cried in alarm as she instantly recognized these intruders' reptilian bodies. "It can't be!"

"Attention prisoners of Revanche 666, prepare to be enslaved in the name of the Jormagundr royal family of Serpentes!" the leader declared, striking a dramatic pose. "Everybody out of your cells, no need to make a ruckus." At the leader's command, the other snake soldiers released the Rutile Rebels from their cells and forced them into one large group.

"I gotta get out of here!" Black Rutile yelled before she stabbed a snake-man as soon as he freed her from her cell with her bowie knife and made a run for it.

"Hey, that black Gem is escaping! After her!" another soldier yelled as he helped his comrade to his feet and began firing at Black Rutile.

"If you want my soldiers, you're going to have to catch me first!" Black Rutile yelled as she turned her knife into a sword and began cutting down any snake people in her way while trying to find a way to escape.

"Where are you going?" Cinnabar asked Black Rutile. "You can't just leave us behind like this!"

"On the contrary, if you don't need me anymore, then I guess I don't need you anymore either." Black Rutile corrected Cinnabar. "In other words, adios turdnuggets!" After throwing out a few obscene hand gestures with a maniacal laugh, Black Rutile charged to the nearest escape shuttle and began taking off.

"So she's really ditching us, huh?" Emerald mourned as the Rutile Rebels watched their so-called commander escape like a coward. "I should've known it was going to happen soon enough."

"What are you going to do to us?" Pyrope asked while the snake-men busted out sets of handcuffs to put on their Gem prisoners.

"Our lord Cobralan Joramgundr has had his eyes on you for a while, and thanks to some informants, all of you are now ours for the taking." The snakes' leader stated while applying the cuffs to the Ruby squad. "Hope you like fighting for your lives."

"Finally, some action!" Dalmatian Jasper cried excitedly while the snakes tried to work around her lack of a left hand to put the cuffs on her. "Better than rotting in prison for the rest of eternity."

"Oh my sweet Jasper, you have no idea what you and your friends are getting into." The leader snake said forebodingly while applying the last of the handcuffs on Andesine. "Okay, that should be all of the prisoners! Any update on the personnel?"

"Presently restrained, sir." Another snake soldier replied as the Peridots, Bismuths, and Black Pearls were led away from their posts in a chain gang. "Preparing coordinates back to Serpentes. Our leader will be most pleased with our findings."

"Well, this could've turned out a lot worse," Amazonite muttered disdainfully while Phoenix Lapis tried to open her mouth. "And don't even ask how it could get even worse."

Meanwhile, Black Rutile was reclining back in her captain's chair as the shuttle she hijacked flew far away from Revanche 666. She had long dreaded the day that the Snake People would come for the Gems, but she didn't expect that to be today of all days. "It was only a matter of time before our ancient enemies came looking for us." She sighed in relief. "Now all I need is somewhere to hide until this all blows over." As it just so happens, she flew away so fast in her escape, that Black Rutile could see Earth in the far distance, just a little blue ball from her perspective. "Okay, not what I had planned, but maybe I can work with this."

With that, Black Rutile veered the ship towards Earth and began flying to the planet she despised so much, hoping that it would be the Hail Mary she was looking for.

--

To think it was only a year ago when Steven left Beach City to find himself. A year since he had a meltdown to end all meltdowns, nearly destroyed Beach City, was used by Black Rutile to try and destroy Earth, and finally got the recovery he was so desperate for. Now, after a year of touring the country, he decided it was time to visit his old friends, and it was a very special time too. Steven was going to turn 18 today, and he was eager to see all of his friends and family back home again. But as he pulled into Beach City and was warmly greeted by the excited townies, Steven couldn't help but ponder that something was missing.

"Gooood morning Beach City!" Steven cried as he pulled up to the Crystal Temple and burst out of the Dondai Supremo with a thunderous aplomb. "Everybody's favorite half-Diamond is back for the big One-wait." He stopped short once he realized what was missing. "Where are all the Gems?"

"Steven, is that you?" Steven could hear Greg's voice suddenly appearing behind him. "How you been, Schtu-Ball?"

"Dad!" Steven cried as he rushed up and hugged his father. "I'm so happy to see you!"

"Glad to see you too, kiddo, and happy birthday!" Greg laughed jollily before letting his now adult son go. "Wow, eighteen. Funny how time flies, huh?"

"I still can't believe it either." Steven agreed. "Feels like only yesterday that I first discovered my powers and thought Cookie Cats were connected to them. But that's not important right now, because I have a problem. Have you seen the Crystal Gems anywhere?"

"Not since this morning." Greg nodded. "Pearl got a message from Little Homeworld saying something was wrong and they went off on the Warp Pad. And that was the last I saw of them."

"Something was wrong?" Steven said to himself before he made the first conclusion that came to his mind. "Black Rutile, of course. Come on Dad, we have to save them!"

"Right behind you, sport!" Greg saluted as the father and son took the Warp Pad to Little Homeworld, which was just as barren as the temple, if not even more so.

"I don't get it, where is everyone?" Steven asked as he looked around the empty Little Homeworld. What was once full of happy Gems finding their way in life was now home to a few tumbleweeds and worried pets. "They couldn't have just vanished overnight!"

"Maybe they're all putting on a really elaborate surprise party!" Greg replied with an awkward laugh before giving it to his son straight. "Okay, you got me. I have no idea what's going on." Just then, the two heard a nervous moan, followed by a little Flower Buddy scuttling towards Steven while shivering in fear. "Oh, hey little guy. Is something wrong?"

"Dad, this is Zuli's Flower Buddy!" Steven stated as he held the little creature in his arms. "What's wrong, you little cutie? What happened to your momma?" Unfortunately, the Flower Buddy nervously shook its head before leaping out of Steven's nurturing embrace and running away. "Wait, come back!"

"I guess it must be too scared to say anything," Greg concluded. "I mean, it's not like the great big answer to all of our questions is going to fall out of the sky!"

Just then, Steven noticed something out of the corner of his eye. Above them, a streak of light was falling to Earth, immediately answering Greg's question. "A shooting star in the middle of the day?" Steven wondered to himself as he tried to get a closer look. "Wait, is that star screaming?" Indeed, the star was shrieking loudly before it crashed into the woods nearby, creating a large explosion that could be seen from Little Homeworld. "This day just keeps getting weirder! Come on!"

The Universes then raced out of Little Homeworld and took a journey to the nearby forest, the air now polluted by smoke and fire as the trail of destruction led the duo to what was once Jasper's cave, now smashed to pieces by a crashed spaceship. The two watched as a familiar black hand burst from the wreckage and pulled Black Rutile from what could've been her tomb, haggard and frantic while glaring straight at Steven. "Steven Universe, we meet again at last."

"Stay back Dad, she looks dangerous!" Steven reflexively drew his shield to defend his father with as Black Rutile lurched towards the two. However, Steven slowly realized that maybe this time, Black Rutile wasn't here to hurt. In fact, she didn't seem to even have a weapon drawn and was instead futilely reaching out to him and Greg. "Wait, something's wrong."

"Help me Steven Universe, you're my only hope." Black Rutile wheezed before she fell flat on her face, seemingly passed out from the crash.

"I don't know about you Steven Seagel, but she looks like she's seen better days," Greg said while looking over at Black Rutile's struggling body. "Shouldn't she be pretending to twirl a mustache while going all 'MWAHAHA, I'm going to kick every puppy in the world and there's nothing you can do to stop me!'?"

"Something definitely isn't right here." Steven agreed with Greg while helping Black Rutile to her feet and waking her up. "Black Rutile, it's me, Steven!"

"Someone set us up the bomb." Black Rutile woozily said as she slowly regained consciousness and quickly realized she was in the right place. "Eureka, I arrived just in time!"

"Just in time for what?" Steven asked before Black Rutile frantically grabbed his shoulders.

"Just in time for their return!" Black Rutile manically shouted. "It's been eons since we last saw them, but they found us! They're hungry! AND THEY'RE COMING!"

"Who's coming?" Greg nervously asked, shocked at Black Rutile's sudden burst of insanity before the megalomaniacal Rutile ominously turned to face him.

"The Snake People." Black Rutile muttered fearfully before the three heard a rustling in the bushes.

"Did someone say Snake People?!" Ronaldo Fryman cried as he burst from the bushes at the mere mention of Black Rutile's enemies. "I totally knew they were out there!"

"Ronaldo, what are you doing out here?" Steven asked Ronaldo, confused about whether he'd been hiding there the whole time.

"Searching for Bigfoot. What else would a hunter of the supernatural like me be doing in the great outdoors?" Ronaldo answered. "So anyways, what's this I hear about snake people?"

"Who's this idiot and what does he think he knows about the snake people?" Black Rutile asked harshly.

"Hey, I'll have you know that I somehow managed to accurately predict a good portion of Gem society lore!" Ronaldo argued with Black Rutile, utterly offended at this jab at his intelligence before Steven broke them up.

"Okay you two, break it up!" Steven said as he put the two's argument to rest. "We have something much bigger to focus on here. Apparently, all the Gems on Earth have gone missing, and now Black Rutile comes crashing to Earth rambling about snake people or something."

"My point still stands." Black Rutile said firmly. "What do you know about snake people, you fool?"

"I am so glad you asked!" Ronaldo smirked before presenting a briefcase full of information he gathered on the snake people. "Behold, the truth!" However, all Black Rutile saw was a bunch of news articles and other miscellaneous objects that seemed to her like she was talking to a complete nutcase. "Snake people, or sneople, control our government at the highest level. Look." Ronaldo then brought out a dollar bill sign while gesturing to the snake and diamond symbols. "The snake represents their hold on our country, while the diamond represents their underground mines. Or their sharp teeth! The details aren't important!"

"How does he function?" Black Rutile muttered in silent alarm as Ronaldo continued his explanation.

"However, it seems that the creatures you encountered may be invading from their home planet," Ronaldo stated. "Perhaps they were abducting other races from across the universe to fulfill their evil deeds, like maybe creating a super-diverse army to conquer the entire universe with!"

"Okay, Ronaldo, was it?" Black Rutile bluntly interrupted Ronaldo. "I'm just going to be frank with you. You're a complete idiot. I mean, snake people secretly controlling our government and your only evidence is but a scrap of currency?" She then snatched the dollar bill from Ronaldo's briefcase and ripped it to shreds. "I care little about this planet's history, but even I know this is all the claptrap ramblings of a lunatic!"

"No, my proof!" Ronaldo wailed while trying to collect what remains of the dollar he could find on the ground.

"However, I'll have to give you this." Black Rutile added. "Your description of the Snake People abducting races and people from across the universe is actually quite accurate as I've come here from Revanche 666 to tell Steven that the Snake People have abducted my minions, and they've no doubt done the same to the Crystal Gems."

"So what are you proposing?" Steven asked his archnemesis.

"I'm proposing, and I can't believe I'm saying this, we join forces against a shared enemy." Black Rutile declared, trying not to cringe in agony from making that declaration. "Steven, I urge you to assemble any remaining allies within this area and meet me in that little town of yours. The crazy theorist and I have an announcement to make."

"I can't believe I'm saying this too, but you have my word Black Rutile," Steven replied. "Wait, this isn't another excuse to plot your revenge on me, isn't it?"

"You have my word, little one." Black Rutile promised Steven, crossing her fingers behind her back as the two very reluctantly shook hands.

--

"Attention organic idiots of Beach City, heed my warnings!" Black Rutile commanded the townies' attention as they all gathered around her, Steven, and Ronaldo. "You may not trust me, but I am here today to give you all a warning. All Gems on Earth have been abducted by their ancient enemies, the Snake People!"

"That is right, the Sneople have finally come for us and they're stripping us of our defenses to make it easier for them to conquer!" Ronaldo added before getting a slap on the back of his head.

"No, you twit, they don't want to conquer us as far as I know." Black Rutile grumbled before her visor gave a demonstration. "The Snake People, as you should know, is a primarily gladiatorial race that has thrived on abducting beings from across the universe to fight in their twisted games. Their king is one of what are known as the Universal Lords, who are among the most powerful beings in the known universe who all lay claim to approximately 36.3% of it compared to the Diamonds conquering 63.7%. Any questions?" Black Rutie then saw someone raise their hand. "You there, all the way in the back?"

"Yeah, I got a question." Connie's voice called out as she walked through the crowd to meet with Steven and company. "Why are you here and how did you break out of prison?"

"It was because the Snake People came for Revanche 666 and abducted all the Gems imprisoned there, except for Black Rutile," Steven explained to Connie. "And now she wants our help."

"Wait, seriously?" Connie asked while she tilted her head in confusion. "Someone pinch me, I must be dreaming." Much to her annoyance, however, Black Rutile did exactly that. "Ow! When I said someone pinch me, I didn't mean literally!"

"Well, I'm sorry Mecha-lecha-chimichanga-habba-hooga-swagger, I don't get your human sayings!" Black Rutile replied, making Connie facepalm as Black Rutile didn't even come close to getting her last name right, almost like she was doing it to make her mad. "Anyways, they reside on the planet Serpentes in the Ophidian Nebula, which is unfortunately a couple of galaxies away. We're going to need a really good spaceship to survive a trip there, otherwise, it'll take ages to even reach the planet!"

"I believe I can help!" another voice said as he emerged from the crowd. To Steven's surprise, it was that strange police officer he met back in Empire City. This officer seemed all friendly whenever they'd cross paths, but Steven had a sneaking suspicion that there was more to him than he seemed. "Now, apologies for the sudden intrusion everyone, so allow me to introduce myself. You may know me as just the Officer, but that's just another name for the man I am underneath." The Officer then closed his eyes and began audibly straining as he slowly transformed from a human policeman into a large rat snake wearing a police uniform. "Ooh, transforming still kinda hurts sometimes."

"Oh, my, god!" Ronaldo gasped in utter surprise and delight. "YOU'RE A SNAKE PERSON, I KNEW IT! A REAL LIVE SNAKE PERSON RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME, IN BEACH CITY, ON EARTH!"

"Snake Person? I see you're using those old-fashioned derogatory terms for our people." The Officer laughed and patted Ronaldo on the head. "We're actually called Slytherophidians, thank you very much. It's pretty easy to get mixed up since, well, we look like the reptiles of your planet. Anyways, y'all can call me Aescul."

"Wait, there really are snake people, I mean, Slytherophidians, on Earth?" Steven asked Aescul. "I thought Ronaldo was just making up crazy conspiracy theories."

"See, I told you all they were real!" Ronaldo declared proudly before turning to Aescul. "Now then, would you care to answer a couple hundred thousand questions I have about your people?"

"Okay, I'll only answer a few, my boy," Aescul replied. "Now fire away."

"Mister, you have no idea what you just unleashed," Steven said as Ronaldo began with his questions.

"First off, do you control our government at the highest level?" Ronaldo asked.

"Yes, and no. We have several hidden agents not only on this world but several other worlds as well." Aescul answered. "However, any one of them being in charge is quite rare, but not completely impossible."

"Care to list any examples?" Ronaldo responded.

"No." Aescul declined.

"Alright, next question." Ronaldo continued. "Do you put us mammals against each other in things such as elections, sports, or even message boards for anime?"

"What? No! We don't do any of that!" Aescul exclaimed. "If anything, you humans are already very good at having conflicts with each other!"

"Hurtful, but true," Ronaldo said.

"If anything, we prefer peace and order," Aescul added. "Now then, you get one more question kiddo, so make it count."

"One last thing, do you recognize these symbols on our currency?" Ronaldo asked before presenting what was left of the dollar bill that he still had.

"Oh, it looks like our homage to our insignia! Although, ours is a bit more different." Aescul declared as he revealed a near-perfect replica of the snake on the dollar sign. "My theory is that of our earliest scouts of this planet played a role in the foundation of this country. You know, your national animal was going to be either a rattlesnake or a bald eagle, and we all know what they went with. But as for the diamond, well, I think it might be because our king was an old friend of the Gem you all idolize."

"You mean Pink Diamond?" Steven asked. "Honestly, after all we've learned about her over the past few years, I'm honestly not surprised."

"And what about those earliest scouts?" Connie added with a question of her own.

"Oh yeah, that guy," Aescul replied awkwardly. "Last I checked, one of them went under the name Christopher Columbus or something and did some pretty messed up stuff to the natives of this land. We don't like to talk about him much, no offense."

"That's okay, we don't like to talk about him much either." Connie accepted the Slytherophidian's apology. "So now that we know what we're up against, why have they been spying on Steven lately?"

"That's because we've been watching Steven for quite a while now because my superiors have been scouting Gems to bring to our games," Aescul revealed. "This was their way of getting your attention, by snatching up every Gem you know and taking them to Serpentes so that you'll eventually come to rescue them. And now, you've just about taken the bait."

"Then I guess we have no other choice." Steven declared firmly. "We're going to Serpentes."

"Uh, hey, quick question," Greg asked. "How do we get there again?"

"Allow me to offer my help!" Aescul declared as he hailed his police car, which transformed into a spaceship large enough to fit him and his new passengers on their journey to Serpentes. "Seatbelts, everyone!"

"Please tell me this is going to be a normal, non-life-threatening adventure." Steven prayed as he, Black Rutile, Connie, Greg, Ronaldo, and Lion boarded the disguised cop's ship.

"With you? No way!" Black Rutile laughed as the people of Beach City waved Steven goodbye. "Now snakeman, make it so!"

"Don't have to tell me twice!" Aescul obeyed the Rutile's command before he prepared the ship for takeoff. "Now then, any last words before we leave Earth?"

"I got some," Steven said as he peered out the window to face Beach City below them. "Don't worry everyone, I'll bring the Gems home safe and sound! You have my word!"

"And I'll bring evidence that'll make me famous too!" Ronaldo added eagerly, making Steven wonder how he invited himself on the journey before deciding that he already knew.

"Okay, here goes nothing," Aescul said as he prepared to blast off. "Booster fire! Full power!" he yelled before the ship left Earth behind and took off for the great beyond on what was possibly Steven's greatest adventure yet.

--

Elsewhere in space, a large freighter was sailing gently toward a distant planet, filled with alien species from across the universe locked away in prison cells. A hapless buglike Moarchean was banging desperately against his cell bars, crying to be returned to his family. A humanoid cyborg man with gears for fear dressed in pirate attire carved tally marks on his cell wall with the sword he had in place of a hand. An immaculately dressed galactic rockstar tried calming his nerves by performing his over-the-top dance moves. A massive, tattooed giant stood chained to the wall. An angelic woman prayed to her people that she'd be safe wherever she went. The space heroine Sylvia Spectre tried desperately to escape her confinement only to be obstructed by the collar restraining her powers, while her cellmate Envyrno has long since accepted her fate. A group of Metals waited patiently for what fate would await them. A flying woman resembling a jester played a mournful tune on an invisible flute.

But the most notable prisoners in the freighter were the massive amounts of Gems kept away in specialized cells to restrain their powers. Chief among them, Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl stood resilient as they were face to face with Captain Boa of the Jormagundr Royal Family's personal guard. "We're almost there, Gems." Boa sneeringly announced to his prisoners. "Are you ready for the Contest?"

--

With that, the end begins here. What awaits Steven and the Crystal Gems on Serpentes? Are the royal family really out to get them, or are they more than they seem? Does Black Rutile have anything else planned once she reaches the Snake People? And where does that mysterious Lapidarist fit into all of this? All of these questions and more will be answered in the epic twelve-chapter finale to the Steven Universe: Alternate Future series.

[bookclub4m]

Episode 177 - Book Clubs

This episode we’re talking about the concept of mass promotional book clubs! Whether it’s One City, One Read, Canada Reads, or Oprah’s book club, listen to us discuss if we read book club books, the celebrity book club we wish existed, and the idea of “the book club book.”

You can download the podcast directly, find it on Libsyn, or get it through Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Google Podcasts, or your favourite podcast delivery system.

In this episode

Anna Ferri | Meghan Whyte | Matthew Murray | Jam Edwards

Media We Mentioned

The Corrections by Jonathan Franzen

Ducks: Two Years in the Oil Sands by Kate Beaton

A Million Little Pieces by James Frey

The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World by Dalai Lama XIV and Desmond Tutu, translated by Douglas Carlton Abrams

Links, Articles, and Things

Oprah’s Book Club

Oprah's Book Club 2.0

Reese's Book Club

Buffs One Read

Rams Read

Canada Reads

One City One Book

One Book, One Vancouver | Vancouver Public Library | BiblioCommons 

Wanted: A Hitchhiker's Guide to the VPL's Book Choice

#NerdyGirlzBookClub 

Natalie’s Book Club

The Inner Lives of Book Clubs 

35 Recent* Essay Collections by BIPOC Authors

*Published within the last 2 years.

Every month Book Club for Masochists: A Readers’ Advisory Podcasts chooses a genre at random and we read and discuss books from that genre. We also put together book lists for each episode/genre that feature works by BIPOC (Black, Indigenous, & People of Colour) authors. All of the lists can be found here.

No Country for Eight-Spot Butterflies: A Lyric Essay by Julian Aguon

Everybody Come Alive: A Memoir in Essays by Marcie Alvis-Walker

Black on Black: On Our Resilience and Brilliance in America by Daniel Black

¡Hola Papi!: How to Come Out in a Walmart Parking Lot and Other Life Lessons by John Paul Brammer

Unfollow Me: Essays on Complicity by Jill Louise Busby

Black Paper: Writing in a Dark Time by Teju Cole

Black and Female by Tsitsi Dangarembga

Soil: The Story of a Black Mother's Garden by Camille T. Dungy

Black Nerd Problems by William Evans & Omar Holmon

Crimes of the Tongue: Essays and Stories by Alicia Gaspar De Alba

Inciting Joy by Ross Gay

Nonwhite and Woman: 131 Micro Essays on Being in the World edited by by Darien Hsu Gee & Carla Crujido

Abolition Geography: Essays Towards Liberation by Ruth Wilson Gilmore

Truth Telling: Seven Conversations about Indigenous Life in Canada by Michelle Good 

Brown Neon by Raquel Guti��rrez

My People: Five Decades of Writing About Black Lives by Charlayne Hunter-Gault

You Don't Know Us Negroes and Other Essays by Zora Neale Hurston

Quietly Hostile by Samantha Irby

Some of My Best Friends: Essays on Lip Service by Tajja Isen

Shelter: A Black Tale of Homeland, Baltimore by Lawrence Jackson

Who Will Pay Reparations On My Soul? by Jesse McCarthy

Carrying It Forward: Essays from Kistahpinanihk by John Brady McDonald

The Racism of People Who Love You: Essays on Mixed Race Belonging by Samira Mehta

She's Nice Though: Essays on Being Bad at Being Good by Mia Mercado

Sometimes I Trip On How Happy We Could Be by Nichole Perkins

The Future Is Disabled: Prophecies, Love Notes, and Mourning Songs by Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha

You've Changed: Fake Accents, Feminism, and Other Comedies from Myanmar by Pyae Moe Thet War

Please Don't Sit on My Bed in Your Outside Clothes by Phoebe Robinson

Decolonial Marxism: Essays from the Pan-African Revolution by Walter Rodney

People Change by Vivek Shraya

Oh My Mother!: A Memoir in Nine Adventures by Connie Wang

White Magic by Elissa Washuta

Making Love with the Land by Joshua Whitehead

Year of the Tiger: An Activist's Life by Alice Wong

Making a Scene by Constance Wu

Give us feedback!

Fill out the form to ask for a recommendation or suggest a genre or title for us to read!

Check out our Tumblr, follow us on Twitter or Instagram, join our Facebook Group, or send us an email!

Join us again on Tuesday,  July 4th we’ll be discussing non-fiction books about UFOs and Aliens!

Then on Tuesday, July 4th we’ll be pitching books for our very own annual One Podcast, One Book!

[baubeautyandthegeek]

That's so many letters LOL. B - Betty by Taylor Swift A - Animals by Nickleback U - Untouched by The Veronicas B - Baby by Justin Bieber E - Euphoria by Loreen A - Angel Of Music from Phantom Of The Opera U - Umbrella by Rihanna T - The Phantom Of The Opera from Phantom Of The Opera Y - You & Your Hand by Pink A - Angels by Robbie Williams N - No Way from SIX D - Don't Lose Ur Head from SIX T - Take Me To Church by Hozier H - Haus of Holbein from SIX E - Everywhere by Michelle Branch G - Go Your Own Way by Fleetwood Mac E - Evita from Evita E - Everybody (Backstreet's Back) by Backstreet Boys K - Kiss Me by Sixpence None The Richer

Do I even have 19 friends who'd do this? Probs not. So If you ended up here and don't know me, it means I love your blog, sorry! @ellegreenawayslover, @selkiewife, @cakemagemaeve, @feelin-woozy, @eddysocs (or any other tumblr you have), @red--opti, @welcometoleedsdiner (I forgot your main, but here ya go), @morvantmortuary (or your main, whatever works), @capsicle13, @dollsome-does-tumblr, @notsosecretlyalesbian, @vegawriters, @5ivebyfive, @hahnspoetry @xbcaptain, @jannas-little-theatre-kid, @mikelogan, @connie-rubirosa, @serenasoutherlyns

I was tagged by @geekymoviemom Thank you!

Rules: Pick a song for every letter of your url and tag that many people

C: Come and Get Me by Sleeping Wolf

A: All The Stars by Kendrick Lamar, SZA

P: PillowTalk by Zayn

S: Son of Man by Phil Collins

I: It’s All Coming Back to Me Now by Celine Dion

C: Can’t Help Falling Love by Elvis Presley

L: Love Like Ghost by Lord Huron

E: Endless Summer Nights by Richard Marx

1: 171 XO by Thousand Below

3: 3 By Britney Spears

@snazzyerin @blackwood4stucky @baubeautyandthegeek @stark-and-shield @hannahshattuck @classicalecentric @greenblueasu @irontinystar @publisher021 @steve-stony-rogars

[sexypinkon]

Sexypink - Another groundbreaking Williams remembered.

[shadowsstarwc]

Ellis Grace 🪡

Info below

Age 19

5’9

160lbs

Ellis was Leland’s dorm mate before Leland left to go hunt for Maria. Days passed and Ellis grew worried because the two were so close, leaving to find Leland and his friends. Ellis was caught by the Slaughter family and found Leland in the basement with the others.

Ellis was a medical student at the college making his ability ‘Quick Surgery’ suit his character.

Quick Surgery - Heals 95% of max hp overtime when in use, allows for quicker regeneration if health item is used less than 10 seconds before ability is activated or if the ability level for quicker regeneration is chosen.

Being able to take a hit makes him work well with characters like Leland who are heavy hitters. His lack of strength makes him bad in solo close encounters with Family members but his high toughness makes him last longer when looking for a well or an escape.

Attributes:

Toughness: 40/50

Endurance: 25/50

Strength: 10/50

Proficiency: 30/50

Stealth: 20/50

[mikashi-kahsmi]

Additional art from my sketchbook. Created during a period of time where I could not use my iPad for art, in fear that my pen nib would damage my screen. This was more practice regarding clothes and folds/wrinkles. This was all for practice purposes. These characters are my OCs. From left to right, their names are:

Connie

William

Colton

Peter

Mai

Favio It should be mentioned that, similarly to Arbitrium, Mai is not some sort of demon, or an octopus. She is--one of three characters who are--based off nudibranch, more commonly referred to as sea slugs or sea bunnies.

Connie, William, Colton, Peter, and Favio all belong to a family. They are based off of other OCs, whom I had created, inspired by favorite game at the time. Their original designs--which may or may not be posted in the future--are based around the Four Horses of the Apocalypse.

[randomrichards]

BLOOD FEAST (1963)

[murder-senpai]

F A N F I C T I O N

Oh, hello there!! My name is Murder-senpai! I’m new here to tumblr sooooo don’t mind me being awkward n’ stuff. So this is gonna be like, what fandoms and characters I write for sOoooOoOo

AU’s and other stuff I’ll do: ABO, genderbend, hanahaki, soulmate, supernatural/power, soft yandere/ stockholm syndrome, coffee shop, modern, fantasy, baby/kid versions of characters, babysitter, neko, inu, kitsune, post apocalyptic, zombie, flower shop, book store, dragon, fairy tale, high school/college, mafia, pregnant, steampunk, merpeople, pirate, pirate/merperson, prison, reincarnation, famous, vampire, werewolf

There is more shit I’ll do but I can’t really think anymore so just request

(reader insert crap)

I will NOT do nsfw. This is a christian minecraft sever 

You CAN request multiple character/poly and platonic stuff

If your not specific, I will choose between headcanons or a fic/drabble

If you request angst, I will give it a fluffy ending unless requested otherwise

Please be specific in your request   ex: reader gender (fem, male, gender neutral)

Edit: I will now take character x character, character + character platonic stuff, aus (like, medevil bnha, or a story about friendship or enemies to friends or adoption, anything really), and stuff like that

Current hyperfixation (aka, what I will probably write better for/ do more): dream smp

Will probably put the scenario in a non specific arc

Fairy Tail:

Natsu

Gray

Loke/leo

Laxus

Sting

Rouge

Gajeel

Zeref

Jellal

Jackal

Lucy

Levy

Juvia

Guildarts

Freed

Erza

DBH:

Connor

Hank

Markus

Gavin

nines

ATLA:

Aang

Zuko

Sokka

Katara

Toph

mai

ty lee

azula

BNHA:

Izuku

Katsuki

Shouto

Denki

Eijiro

Tenya

Toshinori

Shouta

hizashi

fumikage

neito

mirio

takami

hitoshi

inasa

Enji

keigo

rumi

momo

mina

ochaco

dabi

shigaraki

overhaul

sir nighteye

kurogiri

toga

twice

Inuyasha:

Inuyahsa

kagome

naraku

miroku

koga

sesshomaru

sango

BNA:

michiru

shirou

nazuna

alan

marie

pinga

Sherlock:

Sherlock

john

moriarty

mycroft

greg

molly

Harry potter:

harry

ron

hermione

draco

cedric

Black Butler:

ciel

sebastian

bard

finny

ash

claude

alois

triplets

william

grell

ronald

undertaker

joker

dagger

agni

soma

pluto

beast

lizzy

mey-rin

ran-mao

edward

aleistar

vincent

real ciel (I refer to him as astre tho)

snake

charles grey

charles phipps

gregory

cheslock

joanne

maurice

herman

clayton

lawrance

mcmillan

edgar

blavat

seiglinde

MLB:

Marinette/ladybug

adrien/chat noir

gabriel/hawkmoth

nathaniel

marc

luka

alya

nino

felix

bridgette

chloe

TPN:

emma

ray

norman

don

gilda

leslie

Undertale:

sans

papyrus

frisk

toriel

chara

asriel

asgore

grillby

gaster

mettaton

blooky 

AU’s- underfell, mafiatale, mafiafell, underswap, swapfell

Beastars:

legoshi

haru

louis

juno

gouhin

melon

Gravity falls:

dipper

mable

ford

wendy

robbie

bill

AU-reverse falls, monster falls

SVTFOE:

star

marco

tom

toffee

Hazbin:

alastor

angle dust

charlie

husk

vaggie

lucifer

val

vox

Pokemon:

Gladion

ash

clemont

serena

james

jesse

zeraora

lucario

mewtwo

zacian

zamazenta

literally any pokemon but those are my fave(and human versions ofc either is fine)

guzma

kukui

alain

lysandre

bede

hop

leon

milo

allister

raihan

marnie

piers

ACNH:

tom nook

raymond

lobo 

kabuki

lolly

marshal

Isabelle

redd

fang

Avengers:

tony

steve

bucky

clint

natasha

dr. strange

thor 

loki

peter

Voltron:

lance

keith

shiro

hunk

lotor

pidge

Aggretsuko:

tadano

haida

hyoudou

The hobbit:

literally JUST smaug

MLP:

twilight

pinkie

apple jack

rainbow

fluttershy

rarity

discord

Maid sama:

takumi

misaki

shoichiro

the three idiots

aoi (totaly gives off a ciel/lizzy vibe don’t even lie)

sotaro

tora

kanade

kuga

koma

yujiro

shosei

Naruto:

naruto

sauske

kakashi

itachi

gaara

neji

shikamaru

kurama

kiba

OHSHC:

tamaki

haruhi

hikaru

karou

both twins

kyoya

hunny

mori

kasanoda

nekosawa

Cells at work:

white blood cell

red blood cell

killer t cell

Little witch academia:

atsuko

diana

sucy

lotte

amanda

andrew

louis

frank

Pucca:

pucca

garu

tobe

abyo

Glitter force:

emily/Miyuki

kelsey/Akane

lily/Yayoi

april/Nao

chole/Reika

ulric/wolfrun

rascal

Glitter force doki doki:

ira

maya/Mana

rachel/Rikka

clara/Alice

mackenzie/Makoto

TMNT(2012):

leonardo

raphael

michelangelo

donatello

splinter

april

ROTG:

aster bunnymund

north

pitch

sandy

jack

tooth

Soul eater:

death the kid

soul 

black star

maka

stein

Aot:

levi

eren

armin

mikasa

jean

erwin

IT(2017):

pennywise

richie

beverly

eddie 

stanley

ben

bill 

henry

patrick

victor

belch

bowers gang

losers club

kamisama kiss:

nanami

tomoe

mizkui

kurama

otohiku

mikage

jiro

The outsiders:

dallas

darry

ponyboy

johnny

two-bit

steve

soda

Diabolik lovers:

shu

reiji

ayato

laito

kanato

subaru

yui

karlheinz

kou

azuza

carla

ruki

richter

yuma

shin

Hamilton:

alex

john

king george

george washington

lafayette

hercules

philip

aaron

thomas

Venom(2018):

eddie/venom

Tokyo mew mew:

ichigo

zakuro

tart

pie

Kisshu

Fran bow

Fran

remor

itward

mr. midnight

Steven universe

steven

connie

pearl

amethyst

larz 

sadie

garnet

lapiz

peridot

spinel

Haven't you heard i'm sakamoto

sakamota

Shou

Gargantia on the verdurous planet

ledo

amy

Animaniacs

yakko

wakko

dot

Over the garden wall

wirt

beast

Sonic

sonic

tails

knuckles

amy

shadow

Snow white with the red hair

Shirayuki

zen

obi

The sacrificial princess and the king of beasts(manga)

Leonhart

Sariphi

Lanteveldt

Anubis/Sirius

Jormungand

Fenrir

Nir

Joz

Ilya

Beetlejuice(musical)

beetlejuice

lydia

Creepypasta

Jeff the killer

slenderman

offenderman

trenderman

splenderman

ticci toby

masky

hoodie

BEN drowned 

eyeless jack

laughing jack

homicidal liu

zalgo

clockwork

Jason the toymaker

puppeteer

Yu-gi-oh

Seto Kaiba

FNAF

Freddy

bonnie

chica

foxy

golden freddy

toy freddy

toy bonnie

toy chica

mangle (male and female ver pls specify)

marionette ^

springtrap

william afton/ purple guy

baby

funtime freddy

ennard

nightmare freddy

nightmare bonnie

nightmare chica

nightmare foxy

nightmare mangle

fredbear

nightmare fredbear

Cuphead

cuphead

mugman

devil

king dice

Bendy and the ink machine

bendy

boris

alice 

Duck tales

Scrooge (aged down tho)

webby

della

donald

louie

dewey

huey

launchpad

lena

Dream smp

everyone (all platonic. Will do reader stuff, but would prefer more character +character interactions, specifically, SBI. PLSSS give me sbi stuff, ill marry you)

[caranfindel]

Episode recap/review: Walker 1.14

I didn't expect to recap 1.14 and yet here I am, still avoiding my unfinished Summergen fic. I'm actually writing this in real time, as I watch the episode. So for once I'm not pretending I don't know what happens. I literally don't know.

We begin with Cordell and Grandpa clearing up the crime scene. How much do I love Cordell saying "Daddy?" A lot. And not in that way, you perverts. It just really brings out the Texan.

Liam is in bed, recuperating. He gets a call (note that he calls himself William professionally, which is news to me, and I like it for whatever reason) from someone asking for a comment, which he starts to angrily refuse before Gramma Walker grabs his phone and hangs up. Gramma Walker going all Mama Bear for Liam is also interesting, and unexpected. But Liam says "I can take care of myself" and she says "No, you can't. None of you boys can." And then looks sadly out the window, where Cordell and Grandpa are taking down the crime scene tape. I just have to think "none" and not "both" means she's thinking of poor dead Hoyt, who she obviously loved like a son, if not more so. (More evidence for the Hoyt is her lovechild file? Maybe.)

Geri shows up, wearing an unnecessary cowboy hat and Hoyt's old jacket. She's bearing Hoyt's last will and testament, written on a bar coaster! Oh, my heart. And in case you can't read it:

If I get shivved in the shower or some old horse kicks me upside the head. For real Liam stamp it and everything - I leave everything to Geri/"Geraldine Broussard"/angle [sic] face sweet lips etc. So that plot I bought over in Tanglewood is for her and whatever I got in my pockets or elsewhere. See ya in the next life.

Angle face!

I'm not sure this would stand up in court, since he didn't even sign his last name, although it is witnessed by William Walker. Anyway, it's a moot point, because the land Hoyt intended to give Geraldine "Angle Face" Broussard is transferring to new owners, effective tomorrow. Which makes no sense. The deal fell apart because he died, and yet it's so soon after his death that the police tape is still up. New owners wouldn't be in the picture that quickly. Reverting to previous owners, because it was owner-financed? Sure. But not new owners. (Whatever, Caranfindel. Move it along.) She asks Cordell to go with her to gather his personal belongings. And to bring the kids. Hmmm, let's see how Stella can mess this up. (Tanglewood is 71 miles from Austin. Of course I looked it up.)

But first, Cordell has to sign paperwork to begin his leave of absence. So he didn't actually intend to quit. I mean, we all knew he'd be back, but I kind of thought he was, at the time, intending to quit for good. Does Connie the HR person have a big old crush on him? There is hand touching and deep, serious gazing.

Touch him, Connie. Touch him for those of us who cannot.

Micki is sitting right outside the conference room where he signs his papers but still acts surprised that he's in the building. Did she not smell the rosemary mint shampoo as he walked by? He thanks her for the flowers and apologizes for not calling her back. And then cancels their lunch plans so he can go off with Geri and the kids.

Someone said this on Tumblr, and I think it bears repeating here. It's interesting comparing Cordell's grief, over his wife and now his best friend, to Sam's grief. Cordell is clearly deeply affected, and is also clearly moving on. Sam is just unhinged.

Elsewhere. The gang stops for lunch and reminisces about Hoyt dressed as Santa, wearing assless chaps. Well. That's memorable. (Also, I know people who did the whole leaving horse manure and pretending it's reindeer poop thing. Some people are just a lot more into Santa than I was.) Trevor (Travis? Whatever) called Stella. She's apparently avoiding him. Probably a good call, sis. Maybe the only one you've made in 14 episodes. (To be fair, I didn't watch the first four.)

Micki shares tacos with her boyfriend, whose name I can never remember, having been stood up by Cordell. She tells him Cordell seemed "off," which is great now, Micki. Why didn't you pay more attention to that feeling last week? The BF thinks Micki herself might be off, because she misses her partner. And she calls him family. Captain What's His Face comes to talk to Trey (that's his name, dammit) and asks if he knows a guy who goes to the same physical therapist's office. Friends, when I've done PT, I don't even know people who go to my therapist, let alone just go to someone in the same office. But maybe folks in Austin are just friendlier than they are round these parts. Oh, wait. The guy is missing, and was last seen in a heated discussion with Trey? What's up with that, Trey?

Tanglewood. Cordell asks the nice lady (realtor? owner?) about Hoyt's "personal affects," and she says "they are probably out grazing." Because Hoyt's personal effects are four horses and a llama. Which Geri owns now. "Where am I going to board four horses and a llama?" she asks. Cordell is oddly befuddled (and adorably, cause y'all know how I feel about befuddled Jared), as if he didn't live on a ranch. With horses. The family business, remember? The kids are entranced. I would be too. It's a damn cute llama. One of the mares actually nursed the llama, so they're family. (Watch out for falling anvils.)

Micki's house. Trey says the "heated discussion" was the missing guy showing him a judo move. Captain asks Trey to ride along and help him investigate, and poor partnerless Micki asks if she can come with.

Tanglewood. Apparently Hoyt's personal affects also included gear for the four horses, because everyone is saddled up. Geri doesn't seem like an experienced rider - she keeps her hand on the pommel of the saddle, which I always heard was a rube move. (At least she's not clutching the saddle horn. No shade. It's hard not to. It's a perfect handle and it's just right there.) Cordell, of course, rides perfectly, as he does everything perfectly.

Everything except his job. And raising his kids. But do I care about those things? Not so much.

Geri thinks the llama looks unwell. What is she, a llama expert? A veterinarian? And what are they doing on this trail ride anyway - taking the herd back to the Walker ranch? It's 71 miles away! It's an hour and a half driving! How will they get the truck? Why didn't Cordell just say "let's go back to the ranch and get Daddy's cattle trailer?" WHY.

(No one cares. No one but you thinks about these things.)

Stella is on her phone, but it turns out she's (allegedly) re-reading Hoyt's last text, not chatting with friends. And then she says she was "responsible for everything." Oh, wait. We're going there? Stella is finally going to face the music? Cordell says it's not her fault, but they're interrupted by the llama, who apparently is in distress. Cordell wants to leave him at a random homestead. Permanently? Like, "excuse me, ma'am, but can you take this llama?" Or just while they get the horses home? I dunno.

August doesn't like this, because the llama and the horses are family. Geri distracts him by claiming Hoyt wanted him to have the jacket she's wearing, although I find this rather dubious, because why did she wait so long to mention it? Why is she wearing it herself? It's a lucky jacket he won from a tarot card reader and card hustler named The Mystifying Mehar, who was "infamous for getting out of trouble because of that jacket." Cordell then asks Geri to go off with the kids while he hangs back and tries to ditch the llama. Oh no, Cordell, don't do that. He's family!

Back at the ranch, Grandpa chases off some more journalists. He also ignores Gramma's concern about his cancer.

Trail ride. We skipped the whole bit where Cordell found someone willing to take in a goddamn llama, caught up with his kids, and told them what he did. They're mad that he wouldn't even try, and then Stella impulsively rides off, almost falling into a revine.

Team Sassyboots 2.0 questions the missing guy's wife. Turns out he left a note. Doesn't sound like he's as missing as they thought. He said he would "fix everything," i.e., their upcoming foreclosure. They check his workshop and find evidence that he was a military contractor, and apparently this means he should have no money problems whatsoever, because they don't understand how money works. His gun safe is empty, so they figure he's on some kind of "black ops" job. And if it's going to be complete by Monday, I assume it's something local, and not a military operation.

Walker Ranch. Someone who is Liam's "political opponent" comes to take care of him? And he's bringing barbeque? Is it poisoned? Gramma says Liam can't have barbecue because he's on bedrest, as if one had anything to do with the other. And... Grandpa wants to go mushroom hunting with her? Is that what the kids call it these days?

Trail ride. Cordell found someone to keep the horses. Temporarily? I'm still confused. Stella and Geri talk about Hoyt, and Stella asks about her forgiving him. Thinking about some forgiveness toward your own bad boy, Stella? She says "the two of you were always kind of like the dream to me," which is odd considering they were off-and-on, while her parents were very much on, and definitely seem more like couple goals. But okay. Stella confesses again that she is responsible, and Geri says "you let love in, maybe; that's your worse crime." I wonder if Stella blames herself for the fake truck crash that started the whole domino effect, or if she even realizes that's what happened. Obviously Geri wouldn't. Hmmm, I wonder what August thinks about all this?

Walker Ranch. Whoever this political opponent is, he must be a family friend, because he gave a toast at Cordell and Emily's rehearsal dinner. "Hey, when did your brother have such long hair," he asks, looking at a picture of the happy couple. Liam is growing facial hair again. I like it. Opponent suggests the spicy barbecue will put hair on Liam's chest and Liam tosses it aside and says "no, dammit, after I spent all that time waxing?" And Liam might drop out of whatever race he's in. I don't really care about that part. Let's talk more about Liam's chest.

I love that they can use actual Padalecki family photos as Cordell and Emily photos. No bad Photoshop needed!

Team Sassyboots 2.0. I don't really care about this missing guy either. Skipping it. You know, I understand this is meant to be an ensemble show, and Jared Padalecki and his stupid pretty face and long legs are not going to be in every scene. But Micki working a case with her boss and her boyfriend just bothers me and I don't want to be a part of it.

Trail ride. They're bedding down in the barn for the night? What the fuck? Where are they? Why didn't they just drive home? I'm so confused! Cordell and Geri talk about Hoyt some more. Cordell makes an awkward comment about "us together" and then amends it to mean all of us together, as in you and me and the kids camping right now, not, like, you and me together together, and then does a little eyebrow thing like whoo, good job, talked your way out of that one. NO, CORDELL, YOU ARE NOT AS SMOOTH AS YOU THINK YOU ARE. Anyway. There's a lot of guilt about poor dead Hoyt. Cordell tells Geri her name is still on the Sidestep lease (lease? I thought they owned it?), as if being part owner of a bar is always going to be a good thing, with no liability at all. And they don't kiss, for which I am grateful. The horses are really acting up. I hope nothing's happening.

Cordell checks on the horses and apologizes to the mare for leaving the llama behind. He realizes he made the wrong choice. "You know what," he says. "Let's go fix this."

I adore him.

Walker Ranch. Grandpa and Gramma have been mushroom hunting and are now getting silly. Um, what kind of mushrooms did you two find? And then Grandpa says "tonight's about Hoyt," which I do not understand. "I saw the joy he gave you," Grandpa says. Yes, Grandpa, and do you not find that even a little bit fishy? And then he decides to build something.

Trail ride. Cordell went and retrieved his llama! He is precious. I love him so much. He has some pratfalls in the same ravine that almost caught Stella, and then his family shows up and rescues him. (Can I point out that his "a-ha-ha" laugh is the same one we heard when he opened his gift from Dean in "A Very Supernatural Christmas" and I'm not sure it appeared in any other episode?) August offers the Lucky Jacket to use as a llama harness to haul the little guy out of the ravine. Oh, and it turns out the llama is about to give birth.

And, while I'm skipping Team Sassyboots 2.0, it's hard to ignore that Micki is now in a UFC fight. That might have been an interesting story after all. Y'all can fill me in.

Walker Ranch. They're building a little stable. Because this big horse ranch doesn't have enough stables. Liam, who was bedridden to the point of not being able to eat barbeque yesterday, is now helping build. He gets a text from his former fiance, who wants to talk. And Grandpa has decided to treat his cancer. Happy endings all around!

Micki's house. She says she was passive-aggressive with Walker because she's afraid of losing him. I get it, sweetie. He's someone you don't want to lose.

Trail ride. August is carrying the newborn llama, wrapped in the Lucky Jacket. Geri wants to cut out before they get to the ranch. She's going to ride the bus home? Seriously? Isn't her car at the Walker Ranch? She and Cordell talk abou their unfinished business. Yeah, like the fact she was probably involved in your wife's murder? That unfinished business, Geraldine? Grandpa meets them before they get to the ranch and informs them he has a strict no-llama policy on the ranch. But luckily, he just built an alpaca stable. They’re alpacas, not llamas. So, Geri called him, but how did he know they were alpacas? Did she send pictures? I am so confused. Anyway. The new family goes into their new home. They name the baby alpaca Hoyt, of course.

Little Hoyt, guys, he's the sweetest thing.

Breakfast. Political Opponent gives Liam a contribution. Oh, I get it. They're running for the same office, and he thinks Liam will draw votes away from his other opponent. Shrewd. Stella calls Trevor and says she might need to leave the past behind. And you are the past, Trevor. Cordell sees a truck pull up and runs out to meet Micki. She apologizes for holding a grudge over him leaving. She tries to shake hands and he hugs her instead. She thinks they can just be friends now instead of partners, and he says they're not friends, they're family. And then she oohs and aahs over the alpacas, which she recognizes immediately as alpacas and not llamas, and also points out that little Hoyt is actually a girl. Oops. Awkward. Cordell is surprised she can just tell. "Most people can." Yeah, you are the worst rancher's son ever. Then Cordell sees the fence is carved with a memorial to Hoyt. Aw.

He is also the sweetest thing.

So. Less drama than last week. More warmth. A ridiculous B story that was as annoying as giving Cas his own plot. Will I still watch next week? Yeah, probably. I have questions. How did Grandpa know they were alpacas? Where is the baby daddy? Can Cordell and his rancher father really not tell the difference between a male and female alpaca? Why is Geri riding the bus home, when her car is at the Walker's? Why is she avoiding the Walker Ranch? Will August ever get his own plot again?

It's just a shame that this episode didn't have any shout-outs to Supernatural, like the last one did...