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mysteriouslybluepirate · 2 years ago

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Scarborough Ahoy! (1994 Short Film)- Day 4 Watching Con's Filmography

Live posting. All I know is this is sad(don't know why), short, and that Con is good (and queer) in it. Watching it in 480p, so we'll see.

YELL AT ME BELOW! I NEED YALLS OPINIONS ON THIS!

Warnings for: Suicidal Ideation, full body nudity.

Also, the movies description describes Con as the 'Gay Guy' and 'Barmaid'. So 'Con' and 'Barmaid' is what I'm calling them. I'll specify Con the Actor.

Casually kicking a one-night stand out; GET IT GIRL. Didn't expect that level of nudity, but here we are.

CONNNN! He's slightly older in this one compared to Dancing, and I already don't feel wigged out.

Con's semi-startled look at 'used to get laid all the time'. Me too, babe, me too.

As a person who hates booze, the bar scene made me physically nauseous.

Con, being a bro, and making sure she was alright. Love that for him. She needs a friend.

HAHAHA Hell yeah, stick up for yourself Con, he's queer, and the guy getting you a coffee.

God, gender fucking envy. And coat envy, that thing looks warm as shit. I missed when my hair was that length(Con's). Shame I need to be more feminine presenting where I live.

DAMN. I wish I was that confident in my driving. She backed up with SPEED.

HELL YEAH, TRIP TO FIND MEN BABY! God, I know England isn't affordable to anyone, especially foreigners, but god its nice to be able to drive that in a day and actually go somewhere

Con, stop wearing my dream wardrobe. I want that fucking sweater.

OH MY GOD. This is real ally behavior, compete to see who gets more guys

Synchronize watches! The confidence into immediate, oh shit, how the fuck do i do this on both their faces is great.

Santa, fuck off.

(Con making out with a guy)Now. How the fuck haven't I seen gifs of this. tumblr, I'm surprised you weren't hornier.

SHE CHOSE SANTA. Mam, have some self-respect. I hope he is at least a gentle lover? Laughing as he goes down on you probably isn't great.

AWWW. The way they watched out for each other after getting laid. Happily just walking down the road. Oh my god, help her up. BRO, GET THE FUCK UP OFF THE ROAD.

He straight up said 'boyfriend'. Damn, love short indie films.

24? Fuck him babe, old my ass

Okay, I thought Con was going to say his guy died, not cheated. I'm trained too well in modern......OHH SHIT, whelp (he killed himself)

Babes, please learn to love yourselves.

BANGIN SOUNDTRACK

I Love that they coordinate outfits, either accidentally or not. They are the crew. Hell yeah, the ass-grabbing! Get sailor ass.

Now, mushy peas seems like hell. Actual worse thing on earth

'What's brought this on, catholic guilt?' Mood

'Feels great, sometimes not so great'

'What about love, then.' Awww babe

What game are they playing with all those colors, looks fun as shit. CON LOOKS SO HAPPY. LET THIS MAN PLAY HAPPY PEOPLE. He just fucking giggled, god damn it.

This seems like a nice road trip to mentally reset life for a bit.

Guys, if they're being passively suicidal, then at least they've got each other. See, they pushed and they still wanted to live. Cute shit.

Sexuality being fluid! Great to see this, especially for the 90s.

Love the respecting of boundaries; they both really needed to talk before moving forward. Great shit. It's probably her feeling guilty for 'tempting a gay' but... That feels depressing, so fluidity I will choose.

"Well, you can fix it; you did a course in auto mechanics, didn't you." Hahahaha

GAY EARING ON THE DRIVER. I love that Con's getting as much action as he is.

Nice of her to give them space, ally behavior

CONS HAIR

EXCUSE ME MAM, LET HIM FUCK. RUDE. Stand up for yourself CON! They're just friends. If she wanted more, she needs to communicate that. He's pulling his own and trying to reach out to find a middle ground cause he knows she's angry. I love that he comforts her even though he has every right to escalate this into a fight.

Awww, she saved him the head puzzle piece. Love that he smacked it down. His fucking grin.

THE LITTLE SHUFFLE DANCE. Also, this fucker is stealing my wardrobe again.

OH MY GOD WALTZING. I LOVE IT. Bitch, this is the most romantic thing I've ever seen. THE CINDERELLA SONG! AWWWWWWW. I love them. Bro has to understand how many mixed signals he's sending out here.

Going to the dockyard doesn't end happily in these sorts of films.

He's having thoughts and needs to fuck them out. Fair, she's gorgeous.

SHIT CALLED IT

RUN! GO HELP HIM

At least she realized pretty early that he was out too late.

(Con is revealed beaten up and bloody)SHITTTTTTT Well, that's a head wound. Scuffed hands. Okay, good, I thought he fucking died.

GIVE THE MAN A HUG

AWWW HE SAID HE LOVES HER

DON'T FUCKING LEAVE YOU JACKASS. I've read dozens of fanfic like this. DOZENS

NOOOOOOOOOOO. WHY STOP THIS NOW! I NEED A FULL MOVIE GOD DAMN IT.

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Con's Characters Sexuality Discussion: There are two options here. He's 'gay' as described in the film's synopsis or more fluid in a modern sense. Again, he's willing to fuck her, and clearly cares for her. Who knows if he was 'pushing his limits' and this is why she turned him down. The I love you could be romantic/sexual love, or the love of a friend. Both readings are perfectly valid by the text. The short film ends here to not answer the question and keep it ambiguous.

I'm flipping between this movie being about their friendship and finding someone to be comfortable with, or two people used to having one night stands falling in love. You know what. Both are right! (As a queer who says I love you to my straight friends. Calls them beautiful and does all of the shit Con does here, yeah, the waters are murky, who said you alone need to filter it to solve the art)

I can see a happy ending where they grow to be close friends for the rest of their lives, or just making it a probably short-lived relationship. They're both young and impulsive and need to work on themselves a bit before getting serious, but I hope they can keep this little corner of the world safe.

Cinematography(7/10): Fun! About what to expect from a short film. Nonintrusive editing.

Actors besides Con (8/10): I LOVED THE BARMAID. God, she's so fucking sweet and just needs someone in her corner. She's fun, cocky, and bullheaded in a way that fit's with Con's character. I loved their friendship. I love that she's worried about that and doesn't want to push boundaries. I wish this was a longer movie, I want to see them learning to love themselves and having each other there. Everyone else was unmemorable.

CON! The Actor 10/10: He seems more comfortable in this role than in Dancing. It makes him a more likeable character. Likely due to the size of the project, and experience. He seems like he's found his groove here, and I wish we got to see more of it. Seeing him actually flirt was a joy. Again, personally, I think the 'I love you' could be from a gay 'bff' perspective or he genuinely loves her. I love that they just feel safe with each other which is clearly what they need. Love con's look, dialogue, and everything about how he held himself. He seemed like he really opened up to her verses how Con's character acted at the beginning of the movie. That can be really hard to pull off

Story 9/10: Really fucking fun. Sweet, they both felt stuck in a rut and finally made a friend that understood them. The dialogue/writing is so fucking inspiring as I try to write fun dialogue.

REWATCHABILITY: I would say that compared to the downers I watched yesterday, this overtakes Vengeance. It helps that it's so short.

9/10. I hate giving perfect 10s when I haven't seen everything, but god is this so close. I can totally see myself giving this a retroactive 10. Writing this overview I felt like I was balancing on a tight rope trying to 'figure out' the right ending. But that's kind of the point. The relationship they build is a comfort in a shitty world, and it's fucking beautiful.

I know people said it was sad, but I found it really hopeful? They're still living their shitty lives, but they're not alone anymore.

NEXT! Still plan on Cucumber, 3 steps to heaven for weird Con, and whatever I feel in the moment. Rewatching Blood brothers today with the Brother, so wish me luck.

(I linked some people who commented last post, thanks for the comments as always!)

@treesofgreen

@ivegotnonameidea

#Scarborough ahoy!#Scarborough Ahoy! (1995)#con o'neill #con oneill #Con's Conography

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oofluc · 5 years ago

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⌠ AXEL AURIANT, 20, CISMALE, HE/HIM ⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, LUC MONTAGNIER! according to their records, they’re a FIRST year, specializing in AWARENESS TRAINING, BREATH CONTROL, HAND TO HAND COMBAT + KNIFE FIGHTING SKILLS, SWORD TRAINING, PRECISION SHOOTING, FIREARMS & SWAT TRAINING; and they DID go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of ( dried blood on busted knuckles, forced smiles and sweat drenched after training ). when it’s the (virgo)’s birthday on 09/17/1999, they always request their SEARED SCALLOPS from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation. ⌿ ooc mochi, 23, she/her, gmt ⍀

slight warning to those who saw i originally planned him to be an anxious soft boi … i was wrong also there is a suicide mention & some subtle child abuse maybe... plus it’s kind of long ? and an incoherent mess but whatever !! plotting is welcome either on tumblr or on discord which you can find me at mochi#7066 !! his pinterest is here yes i went overboard with sections esp bc im gonna add more hdjf !! stats here and a full connection page here with most stuff i have so far ! @gallagherintro

PARALLELS

fred jones | scooby doo

stefan salvatore | the vampire diaries

hatsuharu sohma | fruits basket

noatak | avatar: the legend of korra

FAMILY

phillipe montagnier | 54

ameline montagnier | 46

marc montagnier | ✝

luc montagnier | 20

charles montagnier | 18

elias montagnier | 18

HISTORY

the montagnier family was originally located in the south of france until luc’s grandfather moved them to quebec. their empire was in manufacturing all kinds of weaponry and selling them to governments and other spy families and organisations. if you needed something a bit obscure or unique, this was the family you'd come to.

luc grew up in a fairly isolated countryside area in a family of four brothers who he loved for the first few years of his life. first was marc, shy and respectful, luc himself two years behind, and then another two years graced the family with twins; charles and elias who lived by their own rules. marc and luc had always been close, marc was the best big brother possible and luc loved him a lot.

eventually after being pitted and forced to compete against each other for so long, it got quite personal and their bonds started being tested. their mother turned a blind eye to their father's borderline abusive methods when luc overtook his older brother in their father’s tests and training. bruises and broken bones were only natural in training so there wasn't much she could say even if she wanted to.

from as long as he could remember, he'd been firing guns. there was a shooting range on their estate and they went on hunting trips, too. his dad often had him show customers the potential of their weaponry and so he'd always been thrusted into that life whether he wanted a say or not. it’s been clear since he was around fourteen that if anyone was taking over the family business it'd be him, not his older brother, marc.

this definitely caused somewhat of a rift between him and marc, as he'd end up getting much harsher punishments when luc would disarm or ground him.

luckily for luc, he did enjoy fighting and was exceptionally gifted in the life planned out for him. he was always the most determined to gain their father's approval, which definitely showed in their results and how obedient he was in front of the man. when he finally got what he wanted, he didn't quite expect it to mean what it did. it was rare but every now and then he would kill for his dad. whether it was someone who betrayed the family or a potential threat to their business, if his dad told him to, he would, no questions asked. it was during this time he was more excluded from training with his brothers since he would be with his dad instead.

SUICIDE TW !!!!!!

his oldest brother marc was sent to blackthorne once he was eighteen and ended up committing suicide at the end of his second year, with luc set to follow the next year. this news was shocking for the montagnier family as luc's father was bitterly embarrassed and disappointed by his firstborns' death, wanting to cover it up as a murder so it couldn't be tied to the family name with such dishonour. it quickly created a divide as charles and elias defended marc's actions and revealed he'd been struggling with depression for the majority of his life, much like they did, which was all unknown to luc, who, for the first time, felt the repercussions of his father's favouritism. he had a new found rebellion against him that was violent with them going at each other's throats for the foreseeable future. luc ended up avoiding his place at blackthorne in hopes to piss off his dad and becoming more reclusive and bitter as time went on.

he really took his brother's death personally, believing he was a factor in it and wishing he'd been there for him more closely. if anyone so much as mentions marc to him he will be on guard and very easily angered. i think before marc died he was very charismatic, egotistical at times and driven whereas now he’s lost a lot of his energy and is more negative & aloof.

the following year was Rough™. he was no longer his dad's golden boy and the family dynamic shifted a lot with marc's death as luc ended up protecting his younger twin brothers instead of beating them for their dad's favour. he's certain he'd have been disowned had his mother not aligned herself with the kids as well.

i think their family dynamic is kinda like the cha family from sky castle if anyone has seen it !

luc eventually decided to enrol in school late, only to end up at gallagher instead. which... i mean, i think before marc died he was excited about attending blackthorne. so he’s bit ??? uncertain about the girls school.

PERSONALITY

genuinely i think it comes down to so many factors, whether he’s in a good mood, who’s speaking to him etc but neutrally he’s quite charming, happy to mess about a bit but more or less takes most stuff too seriously. since he’s not around his dad i do think he will explore a lot more and seek out adventure and fun but if he’s got a test or something due the next day then he’ll bail early since he is defo the type to never let his grades or performance be ruined

he’s quite cocky + likes to win no matter what so yes he will ruin a friendship to beat u at monopoly. second place is last place in his head.

at his best he can be confident, alluring, courteous, loyal… at his worst he's aggressive, destructive, apathetic and always says shit he doesn't mean !!!! will he apologize ?? unlikely but he'll try n make it right once he’s calmed down

thinks the best way to deal with things is with his fists, he’s so EASY to snap and start a fight n he’ll.... maybe apologise for it

i think he defo likes to pretend he’s got no problems and so reverts to a social, supportive friend every once in a while. the type to be brutally honest !!

he’s a definite know it all, thinks he’s the dog’s bollocks, gods gift etc !!!!! doesn’t believe in god but still. I kinda see him a bit jocky idk why but more brooding n isolating 70% of the time bc he’s easily pissed off but when he’s having fUNNNNN he’s ok like a solid guy at times just easily angered

very flirty, he's a major ladies man despite actually being GAY. which is a secret. sh. only two people know he’s gay and that’s his current beard girlfriend ellie cavanagh and childhood friend regine ren. more ppl can defo find out in time and i’m sure ppl have speculations ? maybe have seen him hooking up with guys or something when he thought no one was looking etc probs think he’s bi who knows!!! but for now those two are the only people he’s actually spoken to about it!!!! so if anyone else tries he will deny it as he’s very against the idea of coming out so will not discuss it ty pls.

and it’s not that he doesn’t enjoy sleeping with girls, he’ll be having a great time regardless but he just aint abt to love them like that pls understand

still, he is in a current relationship with ellie who is acting as his beard for him. they have ‘ dated ’ before and are off and on a lot, so they probably seem pretty toxic tbh since ellie n him can clash n argue and he defo still hooks up with other girls despite being in a relationship so feel free to kill him for cheating !

wanted connections !!!

going off the last point, maybe some of ellie’s friends who come at him for how he seemingly treats her !!!

i'd love for blackthorne ppl to have known his brother, he'd have been around about 22/23 and a fourth year now if he was still alive so ?? it might help luc with some closure if he could talk about him since it happened at blackthorne

ppl to know the family, some family friends would be amazing !!! i feel regardless of alliances etc their family would have stayed as neutral as possible since they're selling weapons so they want all the customers.

so people that know HIM while he was growing up would be interesting esp those expecting him to have joined blackthorne when he was supposed to 2 years ago, and obvs him probably changing from who they knew him as to a more negative version now

might put a wc for his twin bros as they potentially joined his arrival at gallagher as first years too but who knows. they’d be 18 so if anyone wants a family friend connection that is around that age, maybe they were closer to the twins than luc ??

he sleeps with a lot of girls to kinda ‘make sure’ no one knows he’s gay as he defo doesn't feel comfortable with being out. the guys that he sleeps with he'll always pin it on being too drunk to remember or he'll threaten them if they told etc ?? he's very on edge about it and would only hook up super secretly sooo if anyone’s down for that with him

and then obvs need a lot of ladies he’d wanna sleep with to keep his image

previous ex gfs ?? from prep schools !!!!!!!

some positive influences would be good

bad influences as well bc tho he is a bit of a party guy, he doesn’t drink loads and he doesn’t do drugs !!!!!!!!!!!!!! but…. I mean i bet he could be convinced now he’s away from home so

study / sparring buddies !!

i’d love someone to teach him pop culture n normality !! his childhood was training and competing with his bros so he defo doesn’t watch many movies or tv or play games etc so ? someone making him watch all the harry potters ?? binging parks and rec ?? he’d find it so dumb but who wouldnt enjoy it ??

#gallagher:intro #i know a lot of u have seen this bc i cant keep secrets but whatever #genuinely think this is my longest intro ever

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kinkymagnus · 5 years ago

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Twi YouTube AU?? 👀

dlgjk ok i dont have a coherent au idea i just like the idea of like.

alec being this confident youtuber man who does all sorts of shit, like funny vlogs and maybe some sketches with his siblings or some lets plays or something, idk, he’s just a popular youtuber like, idk, fuckin markiplier or something, you know, kinda does a lot of stuff. maybe some fashion/interior design shit? idk? but like. he’s pretty popular and if there’s any list on tumblr that’s like “some queer creators you should try watching” he’s always up there because he’s pretty open about being gay. maybe at first he wasn’t in the earlier youtube days but he had a pretty emotional coming out video and everyone was like “holy shit”

meanwhile magnus is like, a quietly popular youtuber, you know? kind of a niche audience, but with decent numbers. he does a lot of things, like vlogs about being trans. like, oh my god. magnus documenting his transition? would that even be a thing? wait oh my god is this mundane au, or is this canon? because twi magnus who’s actually a warlock with a youtube channel would be hilarious but maybe not a good idea. you know what? how about a mix. he’s mortal and was born in modern times and all, he’s like the same age as alec–idk why but i’m thinking he’s like a few weeks older or a month or two older than alec and alec jokingly teases him about being old–but he like…. still has magic, because why the fuck not. actually, you know what? fuck it? it’s an au where magic is just openly a thing. not even necessarily canonverse magic, just. some people have magic. magnus does little tutorials and shit, he has a real talent for it and he’s actually really powerful but he hides that. (possible plotline: some paparazzi discover he’s like, a level ten mage, and it’s a scale from 1-10 and 8 is the most powerful u get most of the time, there’s been a few really famous 9s and there’s been one 10 ever and that was fucking merlin. you feel. because why not. idek fuck.) anyway he has little diy make your own magical charms and weaving enchantment and safe summoning circles and tips for writing magical contracts and shit like that. he’s this cute little nerd but he’s like incredibly knowledgeable and he knows how to teach it in a way that’s understandable and accessible? and he answers questions in really clear ways, and he does amazing demonstrations that look so cool people accuse him of editing but he’s just That Good. and he’s like, actually a really well-published wizard/magic scientist, he invented the fucking portal, but probably under a pseudonym because he doesn’t really want the attention. (his last name is fell in honor of his mentor. yes. although if he does multiple ones he may or may not also use loss, santiago, rollins, etc.) anyway he’s just so fucking good, he has all these videos explaining magical theory in pretty easy to understand ways (maybe going from really simple to like “i understand the basics here and am ready for the technical terms but need an overview” videos you know.

also he doesn’t just do magic videos, because i said so. also maybe some blogs, and like. because i want to. some fashion/makeup tips. and it’s weirdly endearing because it’s not something you’d expect since he doesn’t wear makeup that often–although a) there are def gifsets of his full makeup looks on tumblr, and b) when he does occasionally decide to wear lipstick or eyeshadow or whatever, most of his fans are like omg yes!! u look cute! also headcanon: twi magnus wears less makeup in general but he still indulges in nail polish. mostly dark/muted colors on his fingers, but bright silly colors on his toes. NAYWAYWYA

also magnus bane is his chosen name because he wanted something cool and wizardy sounding and undeniably masculine.

also he’s so fucking sweet like look his videos are pretty popular because they’re just handy but he’s not exactly like, a super popular celebrity or anything, you know? but when he does meet fans he’s so incredibly sweet and he does selfies and he’s very appreciative of his followers? he’s so genuine?

and alec is way more popular–not that he’s not kind and appreciative of his followers. it’s just the thing is, magnus and alec are totally opposite sides of youtube. alec is friendly charismatic completely non-magical youtuber, he plays video games with his sister and like, does vlogs and reaction videos and shit you know. magnus is out here with educational tutorials and excited rambles about magical theory. (i feel like sometimes he accidentally starts doing groundbreaking research for a video and forgets to like, publish it first, and people are like wait what the fuck holy shit)

but then they fucking meet.

and a) they’re Instantly smitten. b) this will eventually result in the weirdest collab ever.

like NO ONE would expect magnus bane, tarot reader and tutorial on magic diy and shit, occasionally does makeup videos and little vlogs and talks about Issues sometimes, to collab with typical hot vlogger gamer man alec lightwood. but it happens, and somehow it’s the best fucking thing ever.

i’m not sure how their channels collide. maybe alec plays a game involving magic and magnus talks about all the ways it’s right/wrong but it ends up just being bantering and giggling and magnus may or may not end up leaning into him on the couch their sitting on and giggling as he makes a stupid joke with the character in the game and immediately everyone’s like…… we ship it

not that i support irl shipping but u know how it goes, everyones like “damn they’re cute” and they’re both openly queer so there’s that. i mean, still not cool, but you know

but really tho they keep doing collabs after that and become actual friends and both start kind of….. doing things for each other’s channel? magnus does a thing like “interview with someone who knows nothing about magic” and we just see a total mundane take on magic and honestly it’s really interesting for both of them, we have more “magnus, who’s an Old Soul and despite having a youtube channel is actually not that great with technology, raphael does all the editing, tries to play video games and kinda fails at it but he gets the hang of some of them”?? he likes puzzle games and mariokart, he does NOT like super smash bros because “THE CHARACTER NEVER DOES WHAT I WANT IT TO ALEXANDER” “you’re just jealous bc i beat ur ass” “you wanna play mariokart again, lightwood?!”

magnus does a tarot reading for alec, alec does a vlog with him just like “day in the life of alec lol :P” and there’s moments where he just comes up behind magnus like “hey what’s up” and magnus, who’s in rumpled home clothing, sees the camera and chuckles and kinda half heartedly waves it away, and the audience loses their mind at how cute he looks lkdhjgfh

they just become actual good friends, you know? it’s weird bc you wouldn’t think it would work but it really, really does

also on of alec’s fans at some point tries to make a transphobic crack at magnus during a livestream and alec goes OFF on his ass and it’s trending for the next week, the clip goes viral, it’s like “HIMBO GOES OFF ON HATERS FOR BEING TRANSPHOBIC TO HIS FRIEND/POSSIBLE LOVER?” and alec apologizes to magnus for all the attention it brought them but magnus is like “it’s okay, we can use this” and they end up using the hype to do one of those charity livestreams youtubers do and all the proceeds go to something like mermaids or the trevor project, you feel? they’re like “suck it transphobes look at all this money you got trans ppl” khjfgh

ok but eventually they do get together, not on camera, and while it’s slow at first and kind of secret (from the internet, not from friends and family) they’re also not super subtle. they know they’re not, but they’re just sort of like “it’s no one’s business, we’ll announce it when we’re ready”

and honestly tho they love each other so much

also i’ve just decided it’s not uncommon for strong magic-users, even like, level 4 or 5 and up, to have marks, so while his cat eyes are usually glamoured maybe he showed them after a q&a or in a vlog or something? and there are like. lots of gifsets of this, okay, and like, lots of thirst comments. which are like, this weird mix of slightly uncomfortable, really flattering/validating, and embarrassing (in a good and bad way). anyway, magnus has cat eyes in this au, because i fucking said so.

ANYWAY back to their relationship, they’re in love

how did they meet? maybe at a con they bumped into each other, or a totally random fan was like “y’all should do a collab” and everyone was like “what”

or maybe a mutual friend and fellow youtuber, meliorn, who is a nonbinary youtuber who fucking has a sword don’t question me, introduces them?

idk. but when they meet they hit it off instantly and flirt and end up getting coffee and they don’t date for a while (maybe mutual pining/misunderstandings like “oh he doesn’t like me like that, but it’s okay, we can still be friends :)” or something lkfgjhfgh) but eventually they end up getting together

how? no idea. let me think about it.

idk why but im thinking they’re filming at magnus’s apartment and they’re on his couch and just. late night. they’ve finished up filming but they’re still bantering and maybe playing some video game like mariokart or watching a movie together and just. magnus is leaned all the way into alec, just snuggled up and pressed close against him, alec ends up putting an arm around him, and alec cracks a joke or teases him and magnus sits up a bit to like, poke his chest or flick his nose (you know what i mean? like in an otp person a shifts, still kinda sitting in their lap, and is like [playfully hits shoulder or boops nose or something] and now they’re making eye contact and person b ends up pulling them into a soft kiss???) anyway THEY MAKE EYE CONTACT AND ALEC PULLS HIM INTO A SOFT KISS and alec almost pulls away when he realizes what he’s done but magnus makes this soft little happy noise and leans into him, kissing back, and they just end up kissing for a bit and when they break apart alec is just looking up at him with breathless wonder and magnus is looking down at him with that same soft reverence and alec blurts out something like “you’re magical” and magnus just loses it and he’s giggling and leaning against alec’s chest and alec starts laughing too and magnus can feel the vibrations in his chest and it’s just so nice and pleasant and wonderful and they may or may not end up making out

they have to talk about it in the morning when they end up falling asleep together in magnus’s bed, cuddled close, but they find, to both of their delights, they both want to date and be in a serious relationship and it’s so fucking good ok

they go to dinner and the transition from friendship to romance is a little awkward but so worth it, especially when they realize HEY IT’S BOTH YOU DONT STOP BEING FRIENDS WHEN YOU DATE. i mean like, they didn’t not know that, but it’s like, idk how to explain you know they’re kinda like “are we doing this right” and then they’re like “fuck doing it right we can keep cuddling on the couch and giggling and bantering over stupid shit and watching dumb movies and kicking each others asses in video games it doesn’t matter we just also kiss and have dinner more often and sleep together and also we may or may not be in love”

also they’re That Couple. they’re like straight to the honeymoon, they’re domestic from the first week. magnus is casually doing magic around the house (imagine: he just dyes his hair on a whim and grows it out a little bit and alec is like “i love u no matter how u style ur hair and stuff, and like, ur usual look is so fuckin cute and handsome, but also I Love This.”) but like he’s like (casually summons small ball of light to read book at night) (casually makes alec little protective charms–side note alec def makes him some of these too, but he asks magnus’s old mentor, ragnor, and two of his friends that can do magic, catarina and dot, to enchant it, since he can’t himself, and having magic woven by people who care about him will make it stronger. oh mhyhogfd) and just like. magic used to be something he mostly kept to himself (this def has something to do with his parents–his mom, who he thinks killed herself because of his eyes/magic, his birth dad who’s a powerful sorcerer–level 9, actually, and they think magnus is level 8 for a long time–who was an abusive fuckstick) and then he started doing youtube and it was a kinda show, a gift, something to share, but still not really something he just used openly in front of people he cared about (other than his close friends, since most of them do magic too anyway) but with alec it’s so easy to do that casually?? it’s so easy to just feel comfortable and safe????? yes

anyway they do eventually “come out” as boyfriends, maybe something short and sweet like just. a tweet of magnus sleeping curled up on alec’s chest and he’s like “god i love my boyfriend

they were already not subtle but now that they’re not hiding it they’re so fucking blatantly in love tbh. they do one of those boyfriend tag videos and it’s fucking adorable, at high request they do some couples games kind of videos, like the newlywed game and fuck marry kill (mostly on alec’s channel but magnus has a few, too) and it’s just HIGH QUALITY FUCKING CONTENT

also originally i was just thinking something along the lines of “in canon verse, twi alec is instagram famous/famous on social media and he gets cute tarot boyfriend and is like look at my cute boyfriend and then magnus’s small insta account mostly for his business gets a fuck ton of new followers and alec’s gets a considerable amount too” and now i’m imagining everyone from their respective audiences first thirst-following the other, then actually getting invested

but really tho they’re the internet’s hottest couple for a while it’s great

for some reason i’m picturing them doing a live tour now, with like, accessible tickets and magnus does magic live on stage and idek what else they’d do tbh but it’d be fun as fuck

anyway this au got away from me

me: i dont have any real coherent ideas

also me: [vomits a 2,500+ word ESSAY]

#malec #magnus bane #alec lightwood #shadowhunters #twi #twi malec #trans magnus #long post #youtube au

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xaz-fr · 6 years ago

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I’ll edit links for previous chapters later but you know how Tumblr feelse about links but they're all in the zs tag

Set in a fantasy world of the semi socialist society Fey Alliance with magic, dick head dragon riders, benevolent necromancers, and even bigger dick head gods of mischief. The Zealous Servant is the story about a guy named Spayar who, has to keep his crown prince of a bff from being murdered by his entire family by murdering them first. Though Spayar just wants to take a nap and find a cute boy to kiss and not have to worry about his corpse potentially being dragged through the street after a war. Better win that shit then.

I will only ping this particular list once and if you want to be pinged for future posts a like or reblog will get you on the next pinglist. Reblogs (especially with a dumb comment but not required) are way more appreciated as it allows other people to see the work

@deadpool-scar-bro @golden-lionsnake @unburdened-billy @anonymouseyesamongwalls @knifox @massdestructionn @leprechaunsean @a-gay-lotus

The alternate name for this chapter is “spayar gets roasted by his entire family". Also gods Tassa is so good. I love herrrrrrr

Despite the cold sky outside Spayar could smell the warm spices of his mother’s cooking from downstairs. He kept glancing out his window at the Taldradin, the big clock tower, to keep an eye on the time. He had a meeting after dinner but before fifths and the time was approaching. He didn't want to miss it. While waiting for the right time to leave Spayar was writing in a notebook what his birds had told him in short hand, just for reference.

From downstairs he heard his mother give an exclamation and the excited sound of her voice but not what was being said. Maybe one of her friends was visiting. Spayar only had a dozen or so Dirinian aunties who were immigrants like his parents. But the sound didn't escalate like he expected from a group of Dirinians showing up to talk. So maybe a friend of his siblings.

His door opened without knocking. “Knock before you just open my door Duren- Von,” he petered out when he saw it wasn't his brother come to bother him for riding lessons again.

“Well then don't leave your door unlocked,” Von said with a grin.

“You’re back.” He was wearing his rain coat but it was dry meaning it wasn't raining or he was showing off.

“Yes, for the time being,” he closed the door and stood against it.

“Good news from Maker’s End?” Spayar closed his notebook and quickly wiped off his quill.

“A bit.”

“Tassa said you had success in Alderin,” he said.

“I did,” he beamed at Spayar. Gods he hated Von sometimes when his smile was like a beam of sunlight in fall.

Von made a hand motion by his head indicating Spayar should close the weave on his door. Von couldn't do it himself. He wasn't a weaver like Spayar and Tassa. His magic was faster and more immediate, his weaves being created and dissipating in seconds as a spell rather than a proper weave that lingered. “Oh, so good news,” and he got up to properly close the weave. The room and light grew muted, the view of the Taldradin seemed almost fogged through the glass.

“I have X’vazior’s full support,” Von bursted as soon as the weave coalesced.

“That’s good. But I don't know what fool man would pass up such a promotion.” Spayar sat back down at his desk. “Tell me you made friends in Maker’s End as well.”

“Nothing concrete,” Von grimaced. “It’s difficult to get makers to pick sides.”

“Unfortunate but true,” Spayar frowned even as he nodded. Historically most makers in the south fled to Gorum specifically to avoid being prodded into making instruments of war during a Conflict. One could always count on Gorum to remain neutral and thus untouchable in a Conflict. “But something?”

“Just talk mostly. Most everyone is too busy to talk to the fifth royal child,” he complained.

“But you got X'vazior,” Spayar said helpfully.

“Yes. I sent Tassa along after the first day so we could talk more. I think Tassa gave him the impression I'd kill him if he didn't join me.”

“You would have,” was all Spayar said.

“Yeah but-

“A praetor who knows you're weak is a card you don't want in your hand, Von,” he said.

“I know but…” he rubbed his mouth and it was distracting. “I don't want to be like my great grandfather. He threatened anyone who didn't side with him both before and after his Conflict and basically killed a child of every noble house of everyone who purposefully sided with his brothers. He didn't last, Spayar.”

“And princes who are afraid to make threats to get what they need don't either,” Spayar said. He hadn't forgotten the conversation he and Tassa had had a week ago about Von being too soft, too nice.

Von sighed. “Do you have any information for me?”

“Teldin is living in the Palace now.”

“Sakoth,” Von cursed.

“That’s about how I felt when I found out too,” Spayar said. “Fresh bread is also nearly half a bronze, it's almost impossible to get strawberry bushels and unless you know a guy it's impossible to get flour. It's getting scooped up by all the bakeries around the city.”

“Meat? X'vazior told me it's being taxed higher than salt in Alderin,” Von said.

“Birds maybe. I haven't heard of or seen anyone selling large livestock since I've come back from serving my time.”

“What’s your mother making for fifths?” Von asked.

“Goose? I think?”

“Hmmm…”

“You aren't even thinking about the food shortage now,” Spayar accused him but was smiling.

“What can I say? I like goose,” Von whined. “And it smelled so good. I might have to stay.”

Still smiling Spayar rolled his eyes. “To say it's getting worse as Asurala goes on would not be an understatement,” Spayar said. “Especially since no one likes going out in the rain and people don't want to travel the Lances.”

“Yes. I saw the state of them. I don't blame them.” The Westerlance had been easily traveled by them because they were on horseback but the potholes and ill repaired stone roads would make getting a cart anywhere difficult.

“I think most ranchers are waiting either for prices to go up for their livestock to sell or to hopefully wait out the bad winter with the stock they have now.”

“Neither of which is good,” Von nodded in agreement. “Is my mother in the city?”

“Yes.”

“Oh she's a sakoth,” Von folded his arms. “Last thing we need is everyone here. Tallasala is throwing her naming day party here too!”

“Yes. I'm aware.”

“Teldin, Tallasala, our mother, and I are all going to be in and around Assarus this month. This is-

“A terrible idea?”

“To say the least!”

“What did you and X'vazior talk about?”

“Mostly pleasantries. He told me he'd be able to rally the Second to me without much of a fuss. I gave him that letter Helida gave to me for him. While I was there he drafted one and had a courier rush it up to the Garden. I promised him food.”

“Easier said than done.”

“The treasury is not empty,” Von said. “If Tallasala can get mother to give her money for her stupid naming day party than I can come up with a reason I need money. I did tell him it may take time.”

“Yes… about that,” Spayar said slowly. Von cocked his head at him and Spayar told him about DiSol and the deal he'd made with the Adoshade and about Mali.

Von didn't even remark on it. “Have you gotten word back from Sinco at all yet?”

“No but I told him that he had anything to share he was to message me immediately and I'd pay for the postage to have it brought by wyrm.”

Von rubbed his face with both hands. “Spayar,” he sighed. Spayar hummed at him curiously. “Can your parents just adopt me instead?”

Spayar laughed. “While I'm sure my mother would be thrilled to have another son that doesn't detract from you being a Le’Acard. There's no getting out of that.”

“Yes,” Von said softly.

Outside the Taldradin gave a muffled tolling of the time. “I need to go,” Spayar got up.

“Where are you going?” Von asked but was specifically blocking the door.

“I have a meeting with the new thief lord, the Pale Cross.”

“We weren't done talking.”

“I'll be back.”

“I'm leaving after fifths. I shouldn't stay in the city.”

“Where are you going now?”

“Remember I said back in the west I said I wanted the Drake too?”

“And I told you you were insane but go on,” Spayar said.

“I’m going to the Wyrd.”

“Are you really going to court the Wyrm Lord?” Spayar asked, still trying to get out the door but Von wasnt letting him.

“A little,” Von said. “Mostly I want a personal flighter.”

Spayar’s brows furrowed a little then clarity came to him. “I don't like that guy,” Spayar said.

“You just don't because he and Tassa and insufferable,” Von reminded him quickly. “You know he's nice.”

“Yeah but he's so annoying,” Spayar complained.

“I want you to come with me to the Wyrd,” Von finally got to the point.

“Do I have a choice?”

“Would you feel better about saying yes if I said you did?”

“Fine,” Spayar sighed. “After Asümcest. I promised my siblings I'd take them,” he said before Von could argue.

“Fine. I'll have to change the day of our flight but fine.”

“Which port are we leaving from?”

“The one in Sinoulin.”

“Down there? Why?”

“Because my family doesn't go there and the less people who know I'm taking a wyrm out with my d'aelar the better.”

“I guess. Fine. Tell me the time before you leave after fifths but I really do have to go. Paper lord he might be but you don't keep men who kill for their position waiting.”

“What about me?” Von complained.

Spayar disconnected the weave. Light, sound, and smell rushed back into the space. He opened the door and gently pushed Von out with just two fingers on his chest. “When you finish the Conflict I'll give you more priority too,” he said nicely.

“I’m your domalim, I should always get priory,” Von whined.

Spayar just grinned a little. “I’ll see you for fifths. Don't mess up my bed,” and left Von in the doorway. He didn't need to turn to know Von was grumpily standing there with his arms folded. He mostly didn't look because he knew it would be cute and he didn't need that sort of distraction.

—

It had started to rain while Tassa stood outside King’s Casket in Cat’s Cradle waiting for Spayar. King was spelled the Fed way so everyone knew it was a turn of phrase. There were no kings in the Alliance, not in their tongue at least. To fight against the boredom of waiting under the awning outside the bar she was casually smoking a cigarello of posh, a native central Alliance plant smoked when you wanted to freshen the breath after a long day or you wanted the mouth stimulation of a joint without getting high. It was mostly smoked by children attempting to imitate their parents but couldn't buy actual drugs, people who needed to be the sober member of a party, and people who wanted to quickly freshen their breath. Tassa thought it tasted sort of orangy and with the orange season still some months away it was about as close as she could get to one this time of year. She was blowing smoke through a weave that turned the smoke into the shape of little butterflies to entertain herself while she waited.

Her cigarello was running out just as a buggy pulled up to the bar. The door of the buggy popped open and Spayar stepped out. Tassa took the cigarello out of her mouth and ground the end in her fingers. Spayar paid the driver and quickly got out of the rain to join Tassa under the awning.

“You’re early,” she said.

“I try to be,” he said, self-consciously touching his hair. He'd styled his hair nicely.

“You look like you're going to court,” she said and reached up, messing his hair up a bit with his fingers. It was too perfect, too sleek. “The Pale Cross is from the East, he doesn't trust fancy boys.”

“I see,” Spayar said, patiently allowing her to restyle his hair. She couldn't help but think he needed a hair cut. It was out of style for men to have hair long enough to tie back. It didn't help that Spayar’s wavy curls were thick and difficult to manage. “You done?” he asked as she got distracted thinking about giving Spayar the name of her hair dresser.

“Oh, yes,” she said and pulled her hands from his locks.

“He have a real name by the way?” Spayar asked.

“Not that I know,” she said. “He showed up calling himself the Pale Cross and we’ve been calling him that since he killed Jakkerty. Sort of rumor is he's from across the Spine, came here to escape a punishment of some sort.”

“You believe it?”

“I think Pale Cross is only as dangerous as he wants us to believe he is. No one questions him.”

“Fear of a knife to the throat?”

“He’s not above violence, no,” she said, pursing her lips. She had seen him threaten enough people to not want Spayar to get too close to him. She certainly didn't want them to become anything. “Also, don't touch him.”

“No? He's not as hands on as you?” and he winked at her. Her heart fluttered a little.

She refocused. She knew better than to get distracted by how cute Spayar was. It had been her undoing more than once. Like getting this meeting in the first place! “No,” she said seriously. “He doesn't like being touched.”

“I don't need to touch him, relax,” Spayar rolled his eyes at her.

“Good.”

“Now we going to keep standing out in the rain, Tassa?” he asked patiently, knowing she'd been stalking.

“I guess,” she swallowed and pushed the door open.

The bar was warm and dry with a small band playing in a corner. People were singing along. While the purchase of drugs outside of Smoker’s Den was was punishable by such a steep fine most people didn't bother that didn't stop you from bringing your own or from some places just offering it for free with the purchase of a meal. King’s Casket was the former and despite not selling it the place smelled of about six types of drugs. So the singing along with the band was sloppy at best. The bar itself didn't sell drugs or alcohol but rather a specialty to Assarus, a type of fish that was if prepared incorrectly would kill you and if prepared correctly got you high.

The bar claimed to serve it properly but Tassa had never seen anyone order it since she'd started coming here and she'd spent a lot of time here with Jackertty before he'd been murdered. He'd been as close to a lover as she'd actually allow and that was mostly because it made her job easier. And it got the actual man she loved an in with the thief lord. She'd had worse sex for better reasons and she had no reason to complain. Jackertty hadn't been the best cutpurse in the city for no reason. He had very talented hands. She missed him only because Pale Cross was more dangerous for Spayar’s health. Hopefully that wouldn't be the case much longer.

In a back room was where the thief lord held court. Had been for over a century. Mostly it was a place the thief lord collected their dues from the other thieves, cutpurses and cat burglars in the city. They kept the Guard Commander’s hand well greased with atrins and unless caught in the direct act most thieves were just forced to return the stolen goods and not worse. In return for turning a blind eye most of the time the thief lord was to keep his small underworld in check and not reach their hands too far. It was two large booth tables and a bench along one wall. On the bench was a musician offering good music away from the more rowdy band playing in the main room. On one booth several people were playing a heated dice and card game.

The other table had Pale Cross and those he decided he liked. The “court”, as it were, hadn't changed as much as they thought when Jakertty died. Pale Cross sat with a slight distance between them and he lived up to his name. He had platinum blonde hair and icy cold white skin with pale blue eyes like ice. Tassa didn't like looking directly into them. He was a surprisingly small man of slight stature and feminine features with full lips, elegant cheek bones, and a soft jaw. If Tassa didn't know better she'd have taken Pale Cross for a woman but he insisted he was a man so who was she to argue?

She looked over at Spayar and saw him take in Pale Cross too. She saw the initial confusion in his brow a moment before he decided that his opinions on the subject were irrelevant.

Tassa motioned Spayar to follow her over to the table Pale Cross was sitting at and leaned on the table a bit, drawing their attention. “Boss, your meeting is here,” she said sweetly.

Pale Cross looked from Tassa to Spayar. He leaned over to the warlock next to him and said something into their ear. They got up and patted Spayar down. “Oh, careful there friend,” Spayar said in his charming way when they patted down his crotch and groin to make sure he had no weapons. They gave him a hard look. “I know better than to bring a weapon to King’s Casket, don't worry,” it should have been patronizing but coming from Spayar it was pleasant, delightful even. She'd known him nearly two decades and she still didn't know how he made a threat sound like a compliment.

“He’s clean,” the warlock announced and sat back down.

Tassa slid into the booth but Spayar stood, standing opposite Pale Cross where he was cloistered in the middle and back of the booth. “Hello, I don't think we've been properly introduced,” he gave a slight hand bow. “I’m Spayar Hillsman Junior.”

“I know who you are,” Pale Cross said, his voice was high for a man and Tassa wasn't sure if he intentionally pitched it up or down. “I am the Pale Cross, what do you want?”

Spayar smiled in a good mood. “I guess this is just a formality of sorts. I use some of your men for my own services.”

“I am aware of that.”

“And I just wanted to make sure you won't cause me trouble than,” Spayar didn't say it like a threat but Tassa knew it was a threat. Casually she coated her fingers in magic and twirled them under the table. The basic structure of a weave formed between her fingers in case she needed to finish it quickly and cast.

Pale Cross stood up. They were at least a hand shorter than Spayar and didn't even have half the air to compete with Spayar’s presence. Privately Tassa thought it was rather comical that Pale Cross decided that they were tougher than Spayar. She'd only heard some of the things Spayar had done while serving his time but she knew rooting out Feds had been on the list. “Don’t think to intimidate me,” he said.

“I would never,” Spayar said graciously. “I appreciate your cooperation but I don't require it. Don't misunderstand my intentions thief lord, you work with me: not the other way around,” he casually put his hands in the pocket of his rain coat. “This is Assarus and I don't know what you're people have told you or what you think you are but I assure you it isn't my boss,” he chuckled.

Tassa frowned but also knew everyone in this room. They all, at one point or another, worked for Spayar. And the thing that differed between Spayar and Pale Cross was that Spayar paid and Pale Cross expected to get paid. She knew none of them were more loyal to Pale Cross than money but she was more worried that Pale Cross would get angry. That was how she heard Jakertty had died. He'd said the wrong thing or done something and Pale Cross had stabbed him nine times in the chest with his own belt knife.

“This is my domain, Hillsman. You don't get to talk to me like that here. You're a child and if you aren't more respectful I'll do to you what I did to Jakertty.”

The musician had stopped playing and people from the gaming table were half paying attention. Spayar was still just smiling in casual pleasantry. He sucked his teeth in amusement and stepped up to the table, putting his hands down on the table. “I’m not here to threaten you. I just want us to be friends,” he said nicely. “I like using the thieves in the city as my sources of information. I prefer if we cooperate. It makes everyone happier and everyone makes money. Now don't do something stupid like make me your enemy, Pale Cross.”

“Or what?” he challenged. “You’re just a commoner boy. What could you do to me?”

Spayar stood up and casually held his hand out. To everyone's surprise but Tassa’s Pale Cross’s knife jumped out of his belt sheath and landed tang first into his palm. Elemental warlocks weren't common and people weren't expecting or ready for one when they appeared, much less a mettalurgist like Spayar. Spayar put the point against his palm and casually spun it, it didn't break the skin. “All sorts of things,” he said casually. “I’d like some privacy,” he glanced around the room. The musician was the first to get up and the game was quickly packed up.

“Where are you going?” Pale Cross asked as members of his booth got up.

“There’s something you need to learn, Cross,” Spayar said, still casually playing with their knife. “I’ve been gone for two years but everyone still likes me more than you. Do you know why?”

Tassa got up but didn't want to. She gave Spayar a nervous look but he was just so sure of himself. So confident and pleasant. If she was any less worried she'd have found it really hot. The game table was empty and the other booth was quickly emptying. Tassa reluctantly left the room with the others. “Because I pay,” Spayar was saying as the door was closed, “Just like I will make you if you cross me.”

Tassa immediately put her ear against the door but was rewarded with nothing. “Come now Tassa, you know nothing gets through the door,” Philiphe said.

“I’m worried,” she said.

“About what? I'm glad that kid is back. Uhg that Pale Cross is so pretentious,” Bruna said. “And maybe now we can make some money again.”

She looked at them, “You forget how Jakertty got got?” she demanded.

“Yeah but Jakertty was an idiot,” Bruna said.

“Pretty was like his only selling point,” Lassie said. “That’s why you liked him.”

“Marginally,” Tassa said.

“The kid will be fine,” Philiphe said.

When the others dispersed but Tassa stayed by the door until it opened again. Spayar came out, his bottom lip split but in good spirits. “Spayar!”

“Oh, hey,” he said cheerfully, closing the door behind him.

“Your face,” she touched his face gently with her fingertips. “You should go see Mali. What happened?”

“We came to an understanding,” Spayar said. He let her fret over his face for a few more seconds before pulling away. “It’s fine Tassa. Just a lip.” Not just s lip. Spayar’s beautiful lip on his beautiful face.

“And Pale Cross?”

“He sees things my way now,” he said. “That's all that needs to be done here. Thank you for getting me the meeting. I wish it hadn’t ended quite like that but there's no helping stubborn people.”

“And what about you?”

“I told my mom I'd be home for fifths and Vondugard needed to talk to me.”

She sighed. “So leaving me with the mess?”

“Oh, he's not a mess,” Spayar said. “I let him get one punch in because it seemed like he needed it. He's right now.”

“Alright,” she still frowned that his pretty face was ruined. “You’re sure you're okay?”

“Right as sunshine, my lady,” he said in that cute teasing way he did that always made her heart skip a little. “I haven't felt this upbeat since I came back from serving my time.” It didn't take a genius to read between the lines on that one. “You want to come to fifths?”

“You’re inviting me?” Normally Spayar didn't like her around his sisters. Not because he minded but apparently his father had nearly had a heart attack when his little sister Anora had asked him what a whore was after the last time she'd visited.

“Why not? Not like there's anything else for you to do here. Cross is going to be a bit private for a while I think,” he grinned a tad recklessly that with his missed hair she'd given him made him even more handsome. “Besides, you know my addim, she loves when I bring friends over to eat.”

“Can I ask what you did to him?” she asked even as she followed him out of the bar, past the singing stoners.

“Nothing too bad,” was all Spayar said and they stepped out under the awning. By law all buildings had to have at least a five foot across awning that spanned the entire length of the building without breaks. It was to be water proof and do it's best to keep the sidewalk dry during the rainy season. It allowed for fairly easy foot travel which was all you could do in Cat’s Cradle as hireable buggies didn't transverse the little neighborhood, the streets were usually too narrow and winding. That and you were likely to get mugged.

The rain had picked up substantially since the state of the meeting. “But not dead?”

“Gods no. That would make my job far too difficult,” he said and walked on the outside of the sidewalk so any rain would hit him first. She grabbed his arm as they walked and he comfortably looped it through hers. “But he should be much less annoying for all our parties and more so for anyone not me,” he smiled pleasantly at her.

“I think I like post time Spayar even more than pre time,” she said, giving his arm a squeeze. He scoffed but was grinning. “I missed you.”

“Yes, I know.”

“I wrote.”

“I know. I literally didn't write back to anyone. I was far too busy being the errand boy of a war alchemist and trying not to puke at all hours.”

Tassa giggled, “That sounds like some of ours the first time they got on a ship.” They crossed a water logged street, rushing through the heavy rain back into the safety of the sidewalk awnings. When Tassa had first arrived at King’s Casket it hadn't been raining so she hadn't brought an umbrella and Spayar was without his wide hat. She was sure it had been a conscious choice to not carry anything in his person.

“Yes but this alchemist was trying to induce vomiting. It was quite bothersome after a while.”

“That sounds awful,” she frowned.

“You got used to it.”

“That wasn't all you did I'm sure.”

They stopped at the end of a block and Spayar turned to her, his pretty brown eyes serious. “I did kill some people if that's what you're getting at.”

“In not so many words,” she said. “All Feds?”

“Mostly,” was all he said and pulled her across another intersection. She didn't push anymore. Actual Feylon bandits weren't common but it was never fun to deal with them, same for Feylon pirates who decided to rob from their own countrymen. She'd made enough searing weaves into the skin of her fellow Feylon to not want to talk about it either.

“Have you heard from Vondugard?” she asked instead.

“Yes. He's joining us for fifths as well.”

“Good news?”

Spayar didn't answer for a block. There was one left and they could see rentable cabbies at the wide intersection where Cat’s Cradle met Swan Box. “I’m very worried,” was all he said.

“Spay…” she frowned but stopped when he gave her a look. “You know.”

“I do.” She hugged his arm.

“What’s your mother making for fifths?” she changed the subject. She hated seeing upset like this. Hated seeing him worried about dying. She wished she’d known him sooner when they were young and she could have pointed right at that blonde brat and gone ‘Spayar doesn't want to be friends with you’. She did not and never would forgive Vondugard for being such an unappreciative jerk about how wonderful Spayar was and how devoted he was. Vondugard didn't deserve him. She did.

She immediately squashed the thought. She wasn't doing this to herself. She knew Spayar’s preferances. It didn't matter what Tassa did or said or how she acted. She could love him to the Shadow Lands and back but he'd never feel the same way. She knew he loved her as his friend but that was all she'd ever be.

“Goose,” he said.

She wrinkled her nose a little. She wasn't fond of goose. She preferred squab or duck. But she wasn't going to look free food in the mouth. “Sounds good.”

They stopped at the sidewalk by one of the buggies. “Can I give you a ride?” the driver asked.

“Yes, going to Bellringer, Synerstock Street,” Spayar said and opened the door for Tassa. She got into the clam shell shaped cab and Spayar got in next to her.

“What end?” the driver asked, looking back at them.

“Underhill Smithing,” Spayar said. “You know the place?” They nodded. “There.”

“Right away,” and the driver turned back around and clicked to his poor sodden horse. But better the horse than them.

“Cut through Swan Island too,” Spayar said as they started down the road. The cabbie looked back questioning, Spayar just flashed his medalian from inside the breast of his jacket.

“Right away,” the driver turned his horse north immediately instead of continuing easy to go the long way around the lake.

“So that's how you got here so fast,” Tassa said, moving closer to Spayar, partly to get out of the rain and partly because she wanted to. He just put an arm over her shoulders.

“Pays to be me sometimes,” he squeezed her shoulder.

Tassa asked him more about his served time while on the way to the Hillsman home. They ended up sharing a few stories and the driver even added one of his own. Most of Spayar's stories involved getting purposefully poisoned at some point or throwing up. She would have hated being part of his squad.

Finally they arrived at the building and Spayar directed the driver around the side alley to the front door that led to the side yard. He paid the cabbie and Spayar grabbed the umbrella he'd left in his horse’s shed to get them to the door where warm smells were pouring out of. “I miss fifths?” Spayar asked loudly as he closed the umbrella.

“Nope. Just in time!” Anora was sitting at the table already. “Miss Tassy! You came back!” she waved excitedly from the table. Tassa smiled.

“Tassy?” Relora poked her head out of the kitchen. “Tassa, welcome back,” she smiled warmly and Tassa smiled wider. She'd been slightly worried Spayar's parents wouldn't want her to come back after the whole whore situation. “I hope you're hungry, I made goose!”

“Can’t wait,” Tassa said.

“Calli! Vondugard! Come down for fifths,” Relora called in a volume only mother's calling their children could muster. Or Tassa thought so. She'd never met hers. “Spayar go get your father.”

“I’m getting Tassa a chair though-”

“Go get your father first,” Relora said and went back into the kitchen.

Spayar sighed, “Just sit, I'll pull up another chair.”

“Alright,” Tassa said and sat next to Anora who was vibrating in excitement, her big loose curls quivering in their three high tails Relora had put them in. “Hi,” Tassa said with a wide smile she reserved for small children and house cats.

“Tassy, do you want to know a secret?” she asked softly, dropping her voice.

Tassa leaned down a little, “I love secrets,” she said softly.

“It’s about my big brother,” she said as Calli and Vondugard came down the stairs.

“Oh? Well you have to tell me then.”

“Spayar’s horse doesn't have a name and me, Duren, and Calli get to come up with one,” she said excitedly.

“What?” Tassa was so taken aback she sat up. “Spayar didn't name his horse?” she asked loud enough to be heard. Had she heard that right? What?

“He didn't what?” Vondugard asked, sitting down next to Calli.

“Duren said Spayar didn't name his horse,” Anora said.

“He didn’t— Spayar,” Vondugard barked when Spayar came back in with the other Hillman men,

“What now?” Spayar sighed as he went to go locate a chair of some sort.

“I gave you that mare three years ago what do you mean you didn't name it?”

Spayar looked at his little sisters with narrowed eyes, “I told you not to tell anyone,” he said, only slightly less threatening than when he'd been talking to Pale Cross.

It was completely lost on his sisters. “Anora did it,” Calli said mildly.

“Dooim, Calli is being mean to me,” Anora whined.

Spayar Senior looked at all the young people at his table took a deep breath and just went into the kitchen, talking to his wife in Dirnine. Tassa didn't blame him. “What do you mean you didn't name your horse?” Vondugard demanded.

“I’ve been busy,” Spayar dragged a stool over to sit at the table.

“You’ve had her three years.”

Spayar rubbed his face and looked at Anora, “I am never telling any of you a secret ever again.”

“I was just telling Tassy,” she said defensively.

“The point of a secret is you don't tell anyone. We’re not doing alchemy after fifths,” he said sternly.

“Alright everyone, that's enough,” Relora came out with two dishes of sides while Spayar senior followed behind with the carved goose.

“Addim Spayar and Calli are being mean to me,” Anora whined.

“Honey you did a bad thing telling Spayar's secret,” her heavily accented voice not quite scolding.

“But I was just-

Relora put the food down and went over to her daughter. “How would you feel if Spayar told all your friends about what you did the night he came home? Hmm?”

“I wouldn't like it,” Anora said, puffing up her lips and cheeks a bit in what Tassa thought was a very Spayar-like behavior.

“Exactly. That's how your brother feels you told Tassa.”

Anora just looked down at her lap, swinging her short legs in annoyance. Relorq got up and sat next to her husband who was half out of his seat putting goose on everyone’s plate. “I still can't believe you,” Vondugard was saying.

“I’m ignoring you,” Spayar said while he did just that and was busying himself with fifths, cutting up the goose and stuffing it and the baked yam into his mouth at the same time.

“Three years, Spayar. Three years,” Vondugard stressed.

“Don’t worry Von, we'll come up with a good one,” Calli said, putting her hand on the irate prince’s arm.

Vondugard frowned at Spayar before looking at Calli. “I fear what he would eventually name or not name it without you,” he told her.

“We’ll make sure it's good,” she patted his hand and as she did glanced across the table at Tassa. Tassa just rose her brows at Calli. Really? She was doing this? That was all she needed to do and Calli immediately snatched her hand away and Tassa could see the embarrassed flush on her nubby round ears. Tassa knew Vondugard didn't deserve Spayar but over her dead body was anyone ruining that for Spayar. At least Calli seemed aware there was a boundary. Good girl. Neither of the boys seemed to notice.

“Tassy do you not like your food?” Anora asked her, tugging on her sleeve a little.

She looked away from the royal drama baby to sweet Anora. “I was waiting for it to cool down a bit,” she said with a sweet voice and smile.

“De-de,” Anora said making Spayar look at her, his mouth full. “I’m sorry I told Tassa about your horse.”

Spayar side eyed Tassa and then Vondugard, “He would have figured it out eventually. It isn't a big deal.”

“So can you still show me some alchemy after fifths?” she asked hopefully.

“I don't want to,” he said and Tassa put some food in her mouth to not laugh at the faces the siblings were giving each other across the table. Their parents were willfully oblivious (or perhaps very good at faking it) to what was happening and were carrying on their conversation from the kitchen. Tassa couldn't follow because it was in Dirnine. Tassa liked this. She wished it would stay just like this.

#Wirteblr #Writblr #Original fantasy #Original story #Fantasy #zs

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evakuality · 7 years ago

Photo

This is a little meta series, mostly for my own entertainment. Here’s the thing: I love s3 of Skam and I love Baz Luhrmann’s Romeo + Juliet, and I thought to myself ‘hey, here’s a chance to talk about both things at the same time’ and so here I am. Writing metas on every clip of s3 just so I can overanalyze a movie I love too. I’m not sure how often I’ll be getting them out, but it’ll be as often as I can. Sadly, with full-time work and fic writing as well it may not be as often as I’d like, but the intention is for at least 2-3 per week. I’ll tag it as ‘my s3 meta series stuff’ so people can avoid it if they want to. Anyway, without further ado, here’s our first clip:

Episode number and name: One. Lykke til, Isak

Clip number and name: One. Lykke til Isak

My thoughts/analysis: This was my first introduction to Isak in the show as I came in just after s3 had finished and that was the season it was easiest to find links for at the time. I had seen gifsets on tumblr of him from later scenes but I’d never seen the previous seasons and so the Isak we meet here was a bit of a shock to me. I had expected a fluffy marshmallow of a boy but what I got was a hardened guy who was a bit of a brat (bless Even, honestly, and what changes he inspired in Isak). So let’s look at what’s going on in more detail, shall we? We open with a montage of other people all gathered together, often dancing and/or drinking and mostly looking happy and connected, with the exception of Vilde of course, who looks ill at ease and like she doesn’t want to be there. She’s an interesting choice here, and the conspiracy theorist in me wants to read ‘also insecure in her sexuality’ into this whole bit, particularly in relation to Eva. But, that way lies sadness so I’ll leave it be. Scattered in amongst this montage we have a lot of references to homosexuality, some good, some bad. It sets the tone, of course, for Isak’s story where he fears the whole business of coming out and accepting himself will go badly and so he works very hard to hide it and protect himself. Interestingly, these are all gone before we see Isak himself in the clip. They are deliberately inserted in between images of supposedly heterosexual teens enjoying themselves. I feel like this could be a suggestion that it’s these people Isak is worried about, rather than himself. I think it’s pretty clear by now from what we’ve seen in other seasons that he knows he’s gay (or at least not straight), and so his journey isn’t one of self discovery so much as it is of self-acceptance. The biggest hurdle Isak faces is actually his fear that he won’t fit in anymore and the start of this clip really highlights this.

Our introduction to Isak for the season is him taking a hit with his friends in a bathtub. In some ways, this is lovely for him. He is surrounded by a small but tight group of friends, distanced from the throng in the rest of the house and enjoying some fairly typical teen rebellious behavior. On the other hand, they are isolated from the rest of the party and his friends are far more interested in talking about girls than Isak himself is. His comment is about what he’s taken; theirs are about how hot some girls are. Isak immediately causes controversy among his friends by declaring all the girls ‘not fuckable’ and being picky. To his friends, this seems to be a sign of his standards and they don’t really push him on it, though he is very quick to react to ‘there must be one girl’ and choosing one to say. I suspect he panics a little here: oh shit, if I don’t have one will they guess? Um .... that one who looks like Natalie Portman. It’s fairly obvious as a symbol that he says the only hot girl is one who looks like a little boy. The main intention here, of course, is to highlight that ‘she’s cute if you’re turned on by 13 year old boys’ is somewhat ironic given that Isak is in fact turned on by boys, though hopefully not 13 year old ones. But clearly, it also works as a device in-text for Isak to show off his superior ‘game’ (which the guys don’t really believe he has at this point) and allow him to gloat a little later in the season, and to start his strange relationship with Emma, into which he is pressured by the guys. The little sideshow at the back where the boys all point Emma out and push Isak into going after her is what sets the course of that whole plot.

Other people have mentioned the slight drop in Isak’s facade just before he goes after Emma, but it’s important to note again. He is not happy to be doing this and it really is a play for his friends, and probably the girls as well and Isak himself is not happy, despite the show he puts on for those other people in the room. It’s interesting that Isak allows his facade to drop, almost completely, when it’s just him and Emma. He tries for a little while to keep going, but when things look like they might turn sexual he backs right away. It’s likely, then, that Isak is most concerned with how Jonas and his friends see him. He cares about Emma a little, but when it comes right down to it, he’d rather she think he’s a bit weird than go through with sexual activity he’s not interested in. He’s not interested in cultivating this relationship beyond what was needed for Jonas and the boys to see him a certain way. With them out of the picture, the facade is less important and Emma herself doesn’t matter to him in terms of what she might think. When he’s alone is the most heartbreaking. This is where we see through his mask and it’s horrible to watch. He feels deeply unhappy, extremely lonely, probably feels trapped in this ‘fake’ life he’s been building for so long. This is the culmination of his reactions to the constant barrage of comments he was getting through s1 and 2 and it’s hard to watch. In order to not be denigrated as ‘gay’ (from people who clearly think it marks you as wrong somehow right down to the casual ‘are you gay?’ type comments from friends), Isak has carefully built this face for himself that makes him desperately unhappy but allows him to fit in.

Obviously, in this clip we also get the weed stashing subplot that gets Isak to kosegruppa and sets off his friendship with Sana. It’s uneasy and she’s very suspicious and angry at him, all of which is in keeping with the tone of the clip: Isak is cultivating a careful mask for himself but there are cracks starting to show. Sana is first, of many, to start calling Isak out and see past his exterior, and the seeds of that are sown here. We also see Isak in defensive mode, managing to lie well enough to the police that he is able to get out of there. He’s not proactively a good manipulator in that he doesn’t plan out elaborate things in advance, but he is very good at thinking on his feet and saying and doing what he needs to in the moment to get what he needs out of a situation. He does it with Emma and he does it with the police officer. He’s very practised at it.

Romeo and Juliet connections for clip: As far as I know, there are none in this clip. Obviously, much like Romeo, Isak has a good, rowdy group of boys around him and there’s banter and they give each other shit while hanging out. But that’s true of pretty much every piece of teen media ever (and it’s nice that the same was true for Shakespeare, at least in the way Baz Luhrmann did it). So reluctantly, I am going to concede that this movie doesn’t really have a connection with this clip. This will change and I am so excited about that!!

Associated extras: A rather cute instagram video with Isak and Jonas basically just being stupid on a bike. I guess this is there to remind us that they are, and always have been, good bros and have a lot of fun together. And also that the run-in with the police wasn’t particularly dampening on their spirits.

Overall impressions: This is a very good introduction to Isak’s issues. Those who have seen s1 and 2 will know that there is a hint that he might be gay, and so his reactions to certain words and ideas hits home. Those who haven’t seen these seasons get enough in this clip to suggest what his issue is and to get a good sense of the mask he’s wearing. The important moment is when he lets it slip, then, because it tells every type of viewer what he is going through even if they can’t be sure why. We’re reintroduced to most of the other characters who reappear this season and we get to know Mahdi and Magnus a little here. Overall, I think it’s a good reintroduction to Isak and the gang and a good solid start to some of the storylines that will flow through the season. Isak’s alienation in various ways is particularly highlighted (from the party, from his friends, from living a ‘real’ life) and so we are all primed to want this to change. He comes across as a brat, but as one who’s deeply conflicted, unhappy and alone despite the good friendships he is surrounded by.

Next clip’s meta can be found here

#skam #my s3 meta series stuff #my meta stuff #Isak

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felicityb-reviews · 7 years ago

Video

youtube

iKON "Love Scenario" MV Review

Tfw your mans gets lines when you weren't expecting him to

Hi guys!! My name is Jace (aka Felicity B), and iKON released something I didn't gay up straight up despise?!?! Sorcery...

*ahem*

Welcome to my review for Love Scenario!! I'm not gonna lie, I'm not in a love scenario for Love Scenario (hell, not even a like scenario), BUT!! It's a major improvement over previous title tracks. Specifically that it's not a four year old demo B.I made in 2.592 seconds, and YG made them release because it reminded him of M.A.D.E era BIGBANG.

~The Song~

*sigh*

I said this in my Neverland review, and I'm gonna say it here - I review music, not people. Granted, I don't actually like iKON (I might have caused some trouble a year and a half ago by calling them iKEA on Tumblr, but that's nothing y'all can prove), but I'm mature enough of an adult to not outright trash them unless they deserve it. To be honest, I pity iKON more than I actually dislike them; YG put a ridiculous amount of pressure on iKON to outsell WINNER be his most successful boy band since BIGBANG, but it didn't happen, so he exiled them to Japan. He also doesn't give Double B as much creative control over iKON's music as he acts like he does (if the company lets you make your own music but then tells you what kind of songs they want, that's not creative control). So, unless I address Double B or the other members of iKON by name, I'm not critiquing them.

I don't know why I put these disclaimers in my reviews, because I know someone is gonna see some random ass blurb, take it out of context, and then cry to their five followings that the Mean Black Gay™ dragged them when I call them out on it. It always fucking happens.

Love Scenario is not a bad song. It's not a particularly good song, but it's not straight up trash like Bling Bling. There are elements here that could make this song great, but they're overpowered by all the problems of the track.

Look, I wholly understand that YG wants iKON to be his Hood Fabulous™ NuGen boy band, but this song suffers because of the trap elements. Or rather, it suffers from Double B and MILLENIUM randomly throwing the trap beats into the song and then dropping them without warning. It gives Love Scenario a really stuttered start/stop pace, and that makes the song feel like it never actually gets off the ground.

I mean, there's the full time section at the end that reminds me of Black Pink's Whistle, but it's at the end, sis. Why these niggas always puttin' the best parts of the song at the end?!?!?! They did this same shit with Dumb and Dumber, and I'm still mad about that.

Two Years Later.

Moving on, I also found the excessive use of cowbells and claps on every beat in the prechorus and chorus sections to be annoying as fuck. Especially when it would have made a lot more sense to have dropped out all the percussion for the prechorus (except a snare roll to lead it into the chorus), and then pull the trap beats in at the start of the actual chorus. I'm really not trynna be shady (okay, maybe a lil bit), but it sounds like they forgot to turn off the click track in those bits, and when they did their first play though, they thought it sounded cool or somethin'.

Another problem I have with Love Scenario is that it suffers from crap line distribution. To be fair, it's not as bad as some previous iKON feature tracks (Dumb and Dumber *ahem*), but sis. What is the point of having a seven member group when only four of the members consistently get lines?!?!?! I'm so tired of iKON songs being 85% Double B, 10% Jinhwan/Junhoe, and the other three scrap over the last 5%. Y'all, I was whole ass Shook™ when I watched the Inkigayo comeback stage, and it was Yunhyeong who sang the bridge, not Jinhwan. That should not be A Thing™ for a group I've been following since their debut.

And while I'm asking the Big Man™ questions - why are Double B, iKON's rappers, singing more than Chanwoo and Yunhyeong?!?! E S P E C I A L L Y when the two of them rap the entirety of the verses?!?!?!

YG!!

SIS!!

DON'T

UNDERSTAND!!

~The Video~

The video for Love Scenario is directed by VM Project, and it shows. She's got a theme, every shot is deliberate (nothing seems like it was thrown in there just to fluff out the video), and the editing is tight. But while there were some really cool shots (like the 360 cam in the circle room, showing off the different stages of the relationship described in the song), this video it really fucking boring.

And before y'all flame my ass, I do realize that that's partially because this group doesn't do much for me. But it's also because this video is so painfully standard, it's boring. In fact, this video is probably the most boring video I've ever watched that was directed by VM Project.

Why?!?!!

Because, instead of focusing on the theme of the video (the comparison of a relationship to a film), the video is 90% choreography shots and iKON just bein' bros. In fact, I'm pretty sure YG blew most of the budget on those album teasers (that VM Project also directed), and that's a major contribution as to why this video is so lackluster.

I think this video could have been far more interesting, because of the metaphorical nature of the lyrics, but the Management™. She wasn't being particularly smart that day.

A Shame™.

Of course, when is Mistress YG ever being smart?!?!?

~The Choreography~

Love Scenario's routine works the same angle that many of iKON's previous routines (hell YGe routines, in general) have, and I'm bored. Granted, this one has a lil bit more creativity put into the formations.

But I'm still bored.

For those of you who've been here since BC (Before Chanwoo), YG would not shut his trap about iKON's dance skill. In every one of his frou frou ass press releases (sorry, personal letters to Da Fans™) about iKON/Team B, he would mention that they were a strong dance unit. And credit where it's due; they turned it out with the dance routines on their survival shows in a way that WINNER never did (which is to be expected when only two of the five members of WINNER actually liked to dance). But ever since their debut, iKON haven't given us anything close to what they're capable of.

And that's as much a critique against iKON as it is at YG's choreographers, because Black Pink's routines are just as whack. But catch me stannin' Black Pink, cause they actually give me something on stage.

In fact, one could easily frame why boy band stans who say that girl groups don't do as much on stage are speaking out of their ass with a comparison between Black Pink and iKON's performance abilities, but this isn't that kind of post. I'm just saying that iKON and YG's choreographers need to get it together, because a group of this caliber should not be outchea dancin' like 2016 EXO. It's not a cute look.

~Overall And Final Thoughts~

Quite frankly, I'm tired of YG Entertainment's bullshit, and iKON's output is a great example of why. This group has so much fucking potential (just like all their acts do), but this abominable agency has no fucking idea to carry that shit through. YG, himself, is a misogynist creep who literally does the most to do the fuckin' least, and I'm over it.

Y'all, it's been almost two and a half years, and I'm still waiting on this group to do S O M E T H I N G out of the box. And Love Scenario came so close, sis. SO CLOSE!! Those album teasers had me a lil hype. The music sounded like GroovyRoom phoning it in like they did for ONE's debut, but it was S O M E T H I N G. Hell, even the song teasers had me loosening the drawstrap on my wig!! But the final product missed mark.

And yes, as I've consistently pointed out throughout this review, it's not entirely fair for me to put so much of the blame on iKON. But sis, I don't know what I'm supposed to say!! I've given this group S O M A N Y chances to really nail my wig to wall (like I do all of YG's acts), but they continue to just be so damn lackluster.

Also, YG does the same bullshit to all his other acts!! But why is it that WINNER and AKMU and Lee Hi (who doesn't even write any of her own music) are able to release decent music, despite YG's bullshit, but not iKON!?!?! Why, sis?!?!!?

I just don't understand!!

Bottom line is that I'm tired of trying to like this group. They've shown some potential here, but it's not enough. Love Scenario would have a cute release back in 2015, but it's not 2015 anymore. iKON should be past this by now.

#iKON #Love Scenario #Review #Felicity B

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leaveharmony · 7 years ago

Text

** this got mad towards the end and it wasn't a targeted sort of mad at anyone in particular so much as a tired & probably-stemming-from-always-having-thing-I-enjoy-and-the-way-I-engage-with-it belittled sort of mad. And as my father has always taught me, having or expressing emotions is shameful and wrong, so sorry.

Idk I think it's like....harder for me to cast judgement RE: ~cheating scandals~ or w/e because it goes back to it all being completely theoretical to me. No one's ever, face to face, at any time in any way expressed any kind of romantic interest in me whatsoever, I've never been in a relationship of any kind. It hasn't come up, and that's fine. Whether this is a case of you cannot miss what you've never had or whether I'm just like....a broken empty vessel for whom the yearning for human contact has gone beyond recall or desire, I dunno, and it doesn't concern me. This isn't a pity me statement or an uwu secret crush notice me statement, I literally don't care at this point and tbh can't remember ever having done so.

Probably my oldest friend at this point, she....like as long as I've known her she's dated married men almost exclusively (and this started when we were both in highschool, when she was screwing around w/ her married english teacher - something I now understand was shocking predatory behaviour and probably statutory rape besides, but she does not acknowledge it as such so bring it up isn't my place). She's been seeing the current one for at least three years now, I think, and he's married. It's certainly an uncomfortable thing, and god knows I don't believe he could possibly think much of her or his wife if he's been doing this for so long and never once manned up and been honest or seriously considered ending his marriage. But it's her life and we don't talk much anymore anyway, so I've never felt like it was my job or my place to be her therapist RE: holy shit what the fuck is wrong with you why do you do this to yourself and how could you do this to someone else?

Like full disclosure she started ‘seeing’ that english teacher when we were sort of puppy love internet-together (another long story but she wanted to or at least said she did and I sorta went along with it cos I didn't want to hurt her feelings...which of course, then it certainly seemed v. much like she didn't have many of, considering within a week she was having it off w/ someone else...again, this was a detached ‘Oh’ kind of moment, not really connected to any real hurt as she had instigated this and I hadn't really felt anything myself...it was upsetting in a sort of, ‘so this is what people do when they tell you they love you, that is disappointing but I guess life is not fiction’ kind of way but not in a ‘how could you, I love you’ kind of way. As a first/only experience it could have gone better tbh, but it certainly gave me the right level of expectation afa being used & discarded when someone more convenient came along).

It's possible that most of the people I have ever known have just been fundamentally really bad at relationships and so I just sort of assume this is a normal thing; my father is an abusive shitbag and we're inescapably trapped with him, grandpa was a sort of...disinterested stick in the mud with a frightening temper for whom my grandmother gave up all her interests in sports and the outdoors because he did not share them. Wabs never married, Tosh told me like she was expecting a pat on the back and a medal that she'd been faithful to her husband as he died of cancer 'even though she ‘didn't have to be.’ And my instinctive reaction wasn't GOOD FOR YOU so much as it was “....what?!” but again...I didn't speak, because what the fuck do I know? Maybe ppl run off and start seeing other ppl as soon as their partners get so much as a headcold all the time.

Ppl just sorta get abused and trampled and left and cheated on and discarded, or they do the same to others, and it just looks like a hell of a mess I'm well out of, tbh. Which I guess is another reason...unless somebody's getting beat or otherwise abused, I feel like it's none of my business. So honestly, “Tana slept around when he was single and one day some chick he canoodled with for like two months stabbed him for it” is filed under “Yeah that'll happen, thank god he didn't die” rather than “Hahahahaha karma amiright he totes deserved it, domestic abuse and attempted murder are hilarious when they’re directed at men who’re full of themselves!”

Nobody needs to tell me to have low fuckin' expectations for men, ok, I live under the boot of one of their idiot kings. Tell me Tana fatshames his family for eating, tell me he gaslights them or acts like when they’re hurt or injured they’re making it up to personally inconvenience him, tell me they have to rigidly control their emotions around him to avoid setting off his violent temper, and ok. Tell me he's a bigot, tell me he hits his family, tell me he hates women, tell me he's a rapist, ok. But like...’he had a lot of sex and probably hurt people's feelings’ is not really high on my list of cardinal offenses b/c as far as I can tell, that's fucking everyone. It isn't like he still does, it isn't like he's not tried to put it behind him and grow from it and be better. It's practically his motto. Why is ‘I acted in a shitty way but I'm trying to atone and I still look back and feel guilty about it’ only an admirable, affirming thing to aspire to when it's a tumblr post & not when a guy is straight up saying it? Which he has, on multiple occasions. Can't change the past, can only try to learn from it.

At. Least. He. Fucking. Tries.

When has redneck george ever walked back his comments about gay ppl or his Islamophobia, when has Lesnar? Beyond a token apology and chasing it w/ a dozen I'M NOT A RACIST THO interviews when has Hogan really acknowledged the depths of how he fucked up? When did Warrior apologize for his vile bigotry, where's Elgin sincerely regretting being a fucking piece of shit dragging a rape victim's name through the mud? Jericho's response to ‘hey maybe you shouldn't be advertising your cruise by saying there will be loads of bikini-clad women there available for you to ogle’ was essentially ‘are you triggered, bro, y so srys?’ and at no point did he objections seriously. Orton never so much as thinks for two seconds before condemning BLM protesters or footballers who take the knee, AND he voted for Trump, but other than hollowly chanting that he's not a racist while blatantly doing things that are racist, silence. Honma beat his girlfriend, Snuka murdered his partner, Austin smacked Debra around, Angle got stoned out of his mind and broke into his ex's apartment, X-Pac hit Chyna, exactly how often do they refer back to what happened, when did they apologize or express regret or even acknowledge any of it? I mean I guess Benoit can't, what with the fucking suicide after he bashed in Nancy's skull and murdered his son.

Ppl have different things they can tolerate and forgive, is I guess my point, or at least one of them. Which is fine! I mean...I'd sure fucking side-eye anybody who writes any of the above a pass, but, I guess everybody's stories and reasons are different.

I like Tana. I'm a fan of his. Ok? Like it probably sounds like I think he's a flawless angel crowned with light b/c compared to my fucking father, he IS. It doesn't mean I'm being willfully blind to mistakes he's made or that I'm absolving him of every sin he's ever committed. I think he's a good person and it's heartening and encouraging that he's in the world and if saying so without adding 18 asterisks about past behaviour and an disclaimer acknowledging all men as shit and all people as inherently flawed makes me a gullible childish ~fangirl~ than ok, I guess I am. Everybody knows my tags for wrestling/wrestlers, which are there as much as a courtesy to anybody who needs to blacklist as they are a filing system for me (that’s why there’s a catch-all! For ppl I haven’t thought up tags for yet or don’t intend to!), and tumblr savior is right there if me being silly about my favs in my own space bothers everybody so fucking much, god knows it wouldn't be the first time I set somebody cringing and they had to tune me out before they quietly dropped my ass like a particularly stupid puppy on a country road. That I am a sloppy fawning emotional mess of untreated neurosis who hyperfixates on things & people who make me feel halfway hopeful for entire minutes at a time & gets stupidly overexcited about stuff isn't new information to me, so if you can't deal with that then... Well...sorry, honestly. Like sincerely. I know how I am and I try not to be but I can't help it sometimes when I like something. Don't feel bad about leaving if you don't want to deal with it, cos I get it, honestly. Have exactly zero (0) guilt feelings about it. I’m a fundamentally repulsive creature, ppl have hard limits on how long they can put up with me, and so it has always been, and so it goes.

#Tanariffic #COMPUTER: ERASE THAT ENTIRE PERSONAL LOG

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brilliantorinsane · 8 years ago

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Honestly, there are times when Johnlcok seems so explicit, starting from episode one, that I sometimes wonder whether they originally intended for the romance to be a deeply buried secret. I mean, obviously they wouldn’t have told us the ending; but there are moments when I can’t help wondering whether Mofftiss originally meant it to be a typical will-they-won’t-they romance, in which everyone watching wonders whether the couple will end up together. Because again—without the heteronormative lens and the assumption that the original Holmes and Watson were definitely straight, at the very least the possibility of a romance seems pretty blatant.

For the record I don't actually think that’s what happened; but it’s sort of a fun lens through which to imagine the writing process. So, just for the fun of it, I typed up a conversation imagining what might have been going through their heads during the writing process if they genuinely expected people to catch on from the start.

The ‘conversation’ is quite long, so I’m putting it below the cut:

Writing ASiP:

Steven: Hey, Mark, do you think its obvious enough that John is asking Sherlock out? Or did we tone it down from the original pilot too much?

Mark: I don’t know, it seems pretty blatant to me . . . Still, people won’t necessarily be expecting a romance between a classic pair like this, so maybe it would be good to be a bit more obvious. What if we had John flirt with a woman in exactly the same way, so that the audience knows what his flirting looks like?

Steven: Hmm, not a bad idea! That might be getting too blatant, though . . . We do want people to have some uncertainty about where the story is headed.

Mark: Yeah, but don’t forget all the heteronormativity we’ll be fighting against. Better to be too heavy-handed than too subtle, I think.

After ASiP airs and the reviews pour in:

Mark: I never expected a reception like this!

Steven: I don’t think anyone did! But um . . . nobody’s talking about the romance. I mean, there are a few ‘Johnlock shippers’ popping up online; but I haven’t seen a single article that even hints at the possibility.

Mark: Yeah, it’s pretty odd. Maybe they just need a bit of time for the idea to sink in?

Steven: I kind of wish we’d made it more obvious in The Blind Banker. I know we were trying to portray post-honeymoon period tensions, but we expected some people to be paying attention by the second episode . . . Still, Sherlock actually does ask John out on a date in that one, it’s not even just implied; so between that and last episode, some people are bound to pick up on it!

After TBB airs:

Steven: They’re not going to get it this season, are they?

Mark: Nope.

After TGG airs:

Steven: They didn’t get it.

Mark: Thank’s for stating the obvious, John. I can’t say I’m quite as surprised as you; I did warn you about the heteronormativity nonsense, didn’t I? It’s no matter—after a reception like that we’ll definitely get renewed, and we’ll be more obvious about it in series 2.

Steven: Oooh, I know! We should start series 2 with Irene Adler!

Mark: Um, how is bringing in the women people think Sherlock is in love with going to help??

Steven: Because that’s the thing about Irene Adler: she’s practically been made into the symbol of his heterosexuality. So, we face the allegation head on: we make an entire episode about how he isn’t in love with her; we prove that the ‘straight Sherlock’ story isn’t the one we’re telling!

Mark: Not a bad idea! Of course we’ll need to make it a little ambiguous; but we’ll go full throttle with this one and make it blatant enough to inspire a heated debate!

After ASiB airs:

Mark: Well.

Steven: Okay then.

Mark: Hehehe, this starting to be hilarious. John as good as made a love confession, and still there’s no serious mainstream speculation! Even the Johnlock shippers think a cannon romance is wishful thinking—although to be fair, they’ve been burned and ignored enough, so it’s not very surprising they won’t trust us.

Steven: Any chance The Hound will tip them off?

Mark: I don't know; I felt pretty obvious with that cheekbones line, but I also assumed that everyone’s radars would finally be up by the time it aired . . .

After THoB airs:

Steven: I suppose it’s official. Next episode the fans will have have a lovely time watching John and Sherlock get platonically traumatized, while Moriarty platonically flirts with Sherlock.

Mark: And then we’ll get going making series three as gay as we possibly can, short of actually allowing the two of them to communicate! I wonder . . . should we reconsider the Mary plotline? Using romantic relationships with women to prove how much more interested John and Sherlock are in each other hasn’t served us particularly well so far.

Steven: We’ll just have to spread it on thick, then—you know, make sure everyone knows John hasn’t recovered after two years, have Mrs. Hudson think he’s ill when he goes to announce his engagement; that sort of thing.

Mark: Mmm, that’s good! Maybe we can make the Molly mirror more obvious too? I’m not sure people have picked up on that one yet. Like, maybe she can get engaged but obviously not be over Sherlock to parallel what’s going on with John.

Steven: Yes! But of course it can’t be too clear, because John can’t understand how Sherlock feels before the engagement. So, we’ll make Mary seem likable—

Mark: but throw in plenty of condescension and insensitivity for people to pick up on in retrospect—

Steven: And we’ll make Sherlock begin to show his heart but then be a dick in the next moment, so that no one is quite sure who the true Sherlock is.

Mark: So in the first episode we’ll force people to consider the possibility that Sherlock is Mary’s romantic rival—

Steven: and at the wedding we’ll show our hand for all we’re worth!

Mark: Hehe, this’ll be fun.

After TEH airs:

Steven: Well, that was anticlimactic.

Mark: Anticlimactic, yes, but not nearly so shocking as it would have been before we started this series. Anyway, the wedding: what’s your favorite part?

Steven: Well, if I tried to list all the gayest scenes I wind up just narrating the episode, so . . . we’ll be fine, right?

Two days after TSoT airs:

Mark:

Steven:

Mark:

Steven:

Mark:

Steven:

Mark: Well, shit.

Six days after TSoT airs:

Steven: (exasperated) How are we supposed to bring the greatest love story ever to a climax if everyone refuses to see the buildup????

Mark:

Mark: Gay Victorian fever dream.

Steven: What??

Mark: Gay Victorian fever dream. *grins* You’re going to love this.

After HLV airs:

Steven: Hey, Mark, have you checked out the Tumblr Johnlockers recently??

Mark: No, not recently.

Steven: Because, um—I think they’re figuring it out. They’re starting to actually trust that we’ll deliver the story we’ve been telling. They’re even started to talk about codes!

Mark: Ooooh . . .

Steven: We’ll have to give them some time and see if they keep at it or drift off. If they don’t—this could get rather fun.

After TAB airs:

Mark: (his head in his hands) He asked John to elope with him . . . Sherlock, inside his own head, asked John to elope with him!!!! Is there literally nothing we can do short of the kiss to get people to even think about it?? I’m starting to suspect we could have them flat-out confess their love to each other and people would still ramble on about how good it is to see affectionate, platonic bros on television!!

Steven: (pacing) I have an idea . . . I’ve been thinking about it for a while . . .

Mark: What, we spend the entirety of next ComicCon chanting “Johnlock”? Because I’m pretty sure that’s the moment everyone who insists that we’re telling the truth about Johnlock not becoming cannon would immediately start pulling the “Mofftiss lies” card. It’s just depressing that we made it so obvious and people still found ways to explain it away, and now they’re just going to get it painlessly spoon-fed to them! I mean, thank goodness for the Tumblr folks; the way they’ve jumped on this episode has pretty much confirmed that we could embed a secret coded message into the episode and they would be the only ones who’d get it. But still . . .

Steven: So, we’ll do that.

Mark: Do what?

Steven: Send them a secret coded message.

Mark: Wait, why?? What message??

Steven: Reichenbach.

#fanfiction #sort of???#I don't really know what this is :)#mofftiss #sherlock #tjlc #tfhc #the lost special #reichenbach #s1 #s2 #s3 #s4

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