#tumblr always struggles so bad to take my screenshots LOL

[tiedsh0es]

this MIGHT be team rocket

[rainstormgaming]

"What is better: to be born good or to overcome your evil nature through great effort?" ~ Paarthurnax

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should I post all my stuff to this blog as well instead of just linking to backloggd?

Hey guys, how's it going? I've recently gotten back into gaming after taking a break to focus on Sims 4 (my main blog @rainmustfallts4 is where I post those stories!) I have been gaming since I was a kid, with the earliest game I can remember being 007 Goldeneye on the N64. 

Despite that, I've always been a PlayStation gal and it's my platform of choice. If there's a game I really want to play, I will give it a go on PC, but I'm not a huge PC gamer and my laptop is even less of a fan lol I also play a few mobile games but those are often updated and do not have an “end.”

My favorite genres are adventure, racing, casual and simulation, but I'll try pretty much anything. Actually, I disliked Sci-Fi games until a few years ago, now I find myself playing quite a few haha Most of the games I buy are either on sale or come from PlayStation Plus. 

My backlog is literally bigger than Mt. Everest and I struggle to finish games. I hate games that are 20+ hours long and open world because I get distracted too easily and it takes me like 8 years to finish them 🥴 Yet I still keep playing them lol All the coolest games are so long, man. It feels like developers think length = great game which is not true.

I am a bad gamer. I don't like challenge, I like story. Games like Elden Ring or Dark Souls or Nioh… I can't even begin to play them. That's not to say they are bad games, they're just not for me. I know my limits and games like those are for me to watch others play instead of playing them myself.

My reviews are not professional, either, and many are just my thoughts or feelings about a game. They're also filled with cussing ⛵️ because I am a degenerate (pirate) sailor. 

I do not care about politics or real world BS. This blog is about gaming and gaming only. You know, that thing we play to temporarily ESCAPE real life. So, if you bring that to me, you'll be blocked. I don't care what the creator of a game said 5 years ago or who a writer supports. Learn to separate the art from the artist and keep your complaints on Twitter, thank you. 

With that being said… let's play some games!

[sassyshoulderangel319]

I posted 1,581 times in 2022

15 posts created (1%)

1,566 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@steverogersnotebook

@steelrosealchemist

@moonlight-lyrics

@rocketsandstuff

@internet-or-sleep

I tagged 355 of my posts in 2022

#video - 70 posts

#mood - 18 posts

#lol - 11 posts

#hermitcraft - 10 posts

#minecraft - 9 posts

#parker posts - 8 posts

#b. dylan hollis - 6 posts

#omg - 5 posts

#merlin - 5 posts

#it's one of the screenshot posts! - 4 posts

Longest Tag: 120 characters

#i know how but my keyboarding teacher was so boring that i dont use home row keys out of sheer spite fifteen years later

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Some days, when my mental health is bad, I have to remind myself that my husband and I are in the same boat of struggling with Doing Tasks

I have to remind myself that even though we’re equal partners, that doesn’t mean we’re equal all the time. There will be days where he has to put more effort forward to help me, and there are days where I put forth more to help him

I have to remind my brain that the anxiety-induced overgeneralizing making me think I have been putting forth more effort for longer than he has and it’s his turn to finally do something around the house and help me is a cognitive distortion

That doesn’t mean I can just snap out of it, but it helps me be patient with both him and me

Tonight is one of those nights

4 notes - Posted June 15, 2022

#4

Am I writing fanfiction for my own DnD character?

Yes. Yes I am.

Am I complaining?

Nooooooope!

4 notes - Posted February 10, 2022

#3

Guess who might have COVID -_-

I mean, I’ve managed to go this long without catching it and now I feel like I’ve got a crummy head-cold but my husband had to take a test for work and his was looking like it was positive and I know he got me sick

At least we’re both vaccinated and the symptoms aren’t terribly bad atm

But we’re gonna get one of the longer tests to make sure

8 notes - Posted January 18, 2022

#2

Still laughing my head off at how unprepared the Empires SMP was for Hermit Efficiency™

Seriously every time an Empires player stops by the Hermit area they always are like “wtf how did you get this set up so fast?!” And my husband and I look at each other and say, “They’re Hermits!”

19 notes - Posted November 21, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Nightmare Before Christmas sequel/remake where Halloweentown preps to defend against Christmastown because Christmas keeps invading their month

152 notes - Posted November 1, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[acerace]

tumblr user buildmartenjoyer did you hear dream's latest build mart rant made it onto reddit

I did hear! I read the transcript earlier as well to see more than just the random screenshots people like to vague lmao

Obviously I, Tumblr user buildmartenjoyer, quite like Build Mart! I think it gets a somewhat underserved amount of hate that has little to do with the game itself. That does not mean I think it is a perfect game. If multiple people have multiple complaints over multiple events about a specific game, then yeah there's probably an issue somewhere! Doesn't mean the game is bad and irredeemable and awful and needs to be removed or even retired.

Also whoops I rambled! Below the cut for general musings on Dream's recent Build Mart comments. This is not cc!Dream critical or neg, btw, most of my rambling is me considering his points from the pov of someone who really loves Build Mart and enjoys watching it. 

Man I wanna pick the green man's brain on MCC so bad like!! I don't think Build Mart is a bad game- in fact I think it's like A Tier- and I disagree with a lot of what Dream says about mcc in general, but he also makes good points! Like he's right- if you play 100 games of Build Mart of, let's say, orange 17 and cyan 17, orange is going to win 100/100 games, whereas with games like Sky Battle or Parkour Tag, for example, there's going to be more of a split, because the games have "pop off" potential as he says. See Grian being #1 individual in Sky Battle in 17 with one (1) tnt and good survival points. Personally, I think this is a fair point because part of the fun and charm of MCC is that it isn't set in stone and you don't know who the winner's going to be half way through the event like with twitch rivals or mcm.

In that specific post, Dream's main issue he describes is him struggling with memory and knowing what blocks he needs. Fair enough! The game stresses communication and memorization more than any other skill, and struggling with those is going to hurt your performance and how much fun you have. But imo there are in game strategies you could implement to help. And obviously I say all this as someone who has never Played BM/MCC in general so grain of salt lol.

If he's good at placing blocks but not collecting them, then have the team split into pairs- two builders taking a build each and two runners working with a builder each. Dream stays at the build and tells his runner what blocks to bring him, then Dream can build while the runner goes to work on the 3rd build, for example. Then maybe rush gold builds? Like if the issue is physically getting the blocks, then work with your team to get someone else to do it. For the first set of builds when no one has blocks, have one builder get wood and the other stone, while the runners work on the specific blocks for their pair's build, maybe, so no one's sitting around waiting. Like I feel like there's options, you know?

I also think that most of the problems with Build Mart comes from the fact it's the only "building" game. If you like pvp you can vote for Sky Battle or Battle Box or Survival Games, all of which are pvp games that test differing skills and have distinct strategies- you don't need to bridge in SG, for example. But if you want a building game you have BM and only BM, and it's barely a building game at that. Adding another option- I like the battle box inspired idea- would lessen BM's dominance, because non pvp teams almost always want BM and want it late, giving another option will shake up the meta here and expose the underlying issues with BM.

Also I feel like the thing people get most pressed about is when Dream brings up Grian? I think it's usually a fine comparison because they have very different preferred games and play styles while having similar amounts of experience, and Grian is the largest of the non dsmp streamers. Grian is one of the best Build Mart players and hates Parkour Warrior and says he won't play if it comes back; Dream was one of the best Parkour Warrior players and hates Build Mart and says he won't play if he knows it's going to be played. The difference comes up in specific contexts- when Dream said Grian could hate pkw but he can't say anything about bm because people get mad at him, for example, that was meh to me because yeah you have a point about how people attack you over everything but did you have to pick the one person who had an actual panic attack playing the game? In this specific post, Grian has indeed killed Dream in pvp before, but it's never been 1v1 when both are prepared for it and at full health lol. The closest you get to that is the original Dreamslayer moment in MCC9, but even then Dream was healing from a previous fight and Grian got the drop on him. Dream will kill Grian 99/100 times.

Dream was being pretty sarcastic with his comments on not needing to communicate in BM, and yeah Pete was being quiet but that's because he was listening to what Grian was saying lol. With Grian's BM strategy, the CEO is loud and in charge and constantly talking, the builders only speak up when they need something or have a gold build, and the floater is constantly talking to the CEO. Dream saying Pete wasn't talking much is true, because he was one of the silent roles! But he was still communicating- if he hadn't told Grian about the gold build or asked what was behind the duck build or told Grian to get more glass then they wouldn't have done as well. I also think it's interesting he chose Pete's pov to watch, because it seems to me he's looking at BM strategies and trying to find some that'll work for him? He can't be CEO or floater because those both rely on knowing what blocks everyone needs, so him watching one of the builders makes sense to me.

Most of my issues with how people (Dream included) talk about BM is when they're flat out wrong or subjective lol. Build Mart is not a slow game, you're just watching someone who doesn't know what they're doing. It's not a boring game, you're just watching a team that gives up before the game even starts. I feel the same intense excitement and stress about BM as I do about SG and SoT! Watching Grian play is intense and exciting and edge of the seat! People have a lot of misconceptions about BM, which I rambled about in the tags of this post here, which I still stand by. The tl;dr of my thoughts on what makes a good Build Mart player is that Grian is not good at BM because he's a good builder- he makes mistakes constantly in BM- but rather because he can communicate with his team so effectively it doesn't matter if he spends 30 seconds looking for a crafting recipe or collecting the wrong block.

So there are my thoughts anon! I’m not sure what you were expecting, because I like both Grian and Dream and think they both make very good points about MCC and game design in general (considering they both have experience running mc servers lol) and they tend to have very different opinions and experiences, so comparing them is interesting to me! I don’t necessarily agree with Dream’s points about MCC in general (the only people whose views I tend to wholesale support are H and Pete lmao) but Dream is allowed to dislike a game based on his personal opinions and feelings and he is allowed to rant about it in his own merch discord. Doesn’t mean he’s wrong or right, or that you have to agree or disagree. 

[legacysam]

"#*erases a rant about fandom cas characterization bc god who has the energy*" me. i have the energy. give me the rant.

*cracks knuckles* okay let’s see if any of these particular intellectual muscles still work.

I am always pro-cas-being-canonically-dickish posts (even if they are misleading one way or another, more on that later) because dear GOD this fandom loves to infantalize the man. He’s a “baby in a trenchcoat.” He’s dumb about pop culture and clueless about human things isn’t it adorable? SHUT UP!!!! And pls especially shut up if you’re using his ignorance as a way of making another character look cool or smart by comparison. “it’s a shortened version of my name” was 100% Cas fucking with Dean because he is a dick sometimes! and it’s great! Also: Cas’s indifference to pop culture isn’t a weakness just because pop culture knowledge is a major currency on tumblr!!! It’s indicative of the fact that he’s got much bigger and more important things on his mind. (Also. listen. This trait was canonically erased by Metatron and it was literally the only good thing that fucking character ever did so can we please as a fandom just acknowledge that little slice of canon? pls?)

(Can I also just say.....fish out of water stories are only good when they are on the side of the fish and not just using the fish to make jokes. Just. as a note on the trope in general but specifically re: every time this shows up in fanfic with Cas or any other similar character. Thor comes to mind.)

Anyway Cas isn’t a child, he’s ANCIENT and TIRED and CONFLICTED about major moral issues, which is FASCINATING for an angel character and forces us as an audience to consider more deeply the actual differences between heaven and hell, good and evil, destiny and free will. Is this how we expect an angel to behave? What does this tell us about Heaven? If Cas is an aberration, what does that tell us about Heaven and goodness and God? So his expressions of anger and frustration and his impatience with or indifference to human courtesies are a really great part of his character and people should appreciate them more (and not just when it’s funny!)

(Sidenote bc I always think about this when I think about fandom and Cas, the reductive fandom approach to “””crazy!cas””” (what a fun way of saying “deeply affected by horrible trauma and guilt and trying to repress it so he can function.” thanks for that fandom) as comic relief or a woobified victim is. hm. bad. That’s all I’ll say about that one.)

{ANOTHER sidenote, this one for fan artists in particular but fan writers definitely aren’t free from sin: Cas isn’t pale or short and he isn’t a fuckin twink pls stop projecting weird m/f stereotypes onto your queer ships pls and thank}

ANYWAY about these screenshots specifically: Listen I love this post but the context of these scenes is SO MUCH MORE INTERESTING than Cas being a dick to Sam. They aren’t really about Sam at all, actually. “Don’t ask stupid questions” is such a painful fucking response to Sam asking if he’s okay, because he’s clearly not okay--he’s still struggling with the knowledge that God has given up and abandoned them--but he can’t be vulnerable about it. So he redirects to ask what Sam needs from him because that’s what he does, it’s what he is, he’s a tool. He’s a solution to problems (except his own). And his unwillingness to confront his pain (while also not being able to hide it) isn’t really about his relationship with Sam, it’s about his relationship with God and with himself and his own failures. The visibility of that struggle while he continues to try to help in this episode is just really fucking moving, okay?

Also there’s absolutely nothing hostile about “Sam, of course, is an abomination” in context. Like. Not a damn thing. There’s a task that needs to be performed by a “servant of heaven,” and Cas is explaining why none of the three of them qualify, and we know he feels shame about the fact that HE doesn’t qualify by how he reacts later, calling himself a poor example of an angel. He’s as much an abomination as Sam is in this moment.

Actually you know what? Literally everything in these screenshots that gets interpreted as “Cas hates Sam” is 100% actually Cas hating himself. He hates Sam’s voice while he’s stuck using a human voice himself to communicate, through technology he’s hostile to because it’s limiting compared to angelic communication. He rejects Sam’s compassion because he doesn’t want to talk about his own weakness. He calls Sam an abomination in the same breath that he acknowledges that he isn’t a servant of heaven anymore, and with much less anger than when he later calls himself a poor example of an angel. He sees himself in Sam but he hates himself too much to use that as a point of connection and pushes away from it instead. (I’m not going to go on a shipper detour here but sastiel shippers....you know)

So Cas is angry and complicated and self-hating and yeah, it’s funny, but if you don’t respect those feelings and their complexity, maybe don’t try to write Cas or write about him. Maybe if you only like Cas when he’s making you laugh you don’t actually like Cas.

And this isn’t to be like...”writing fluffy shippy fic with Cas being sweet is bad” or whatever. That fills a need for some people, I get it. I’ve written fic where he’s sweet! There’s a difference between someone lovingly wrapping a character in a blanket and going “nice things will happen for you now” versus using that character for a reductive joke.

There’s also a difference between people who are actually carefully writing fic and people who are, yknow, tagging posts or circulating meme-like gifsets with this kind of commentary. Which, bc I don’t read fic as often anymore, tends to be the most common way anything like analysis of Cas reaches me. I do NOT recommend this method of engaging with fandom because it’s really the worst, unfunniest, most simplistic takes that get repeated over and over again (I would pay money to never see anyone call Sam “moose” or “sammy” again dear lord), and it obscures the actually really good work some folks are doing when they write these characters.

tl;dr 1. Cas is not a child and he is not stupid. 2. Cas doesn’t hate Sam but he DOES project onto him and it’s fascinating. 3. fandom wants to be transformative but bc of meme culture and the way tumblr works it can be painfully reductive and it’s exhausting

ps nb I haven’t watched a single episode since they killed Charlie off and I don’t know much about what happened after that lol. so don’t come at me “well actuallying” bc honestly I don’t care and bc canon has been a dumpster fire for years and all extended analysis of it including my own is really nonsense just by virtue of the source material being nonsense.

pps the showrunners are ABSOLUTELY complicit in this but I can’t. I just cannot get into that. I am too tired.

[nileqt87]

Despair For Castiel: A Review

From a series of posts before and after watching:

Before:

As far as I'm concerned, I'm now imagining the Empty having to deal with Gabriel and Balthazar redecorating the Empty into the angel/demon afterlife (probably with a lot of wacky alternate realities and bad porno) with all the free will angels and redemptive demons invited, Cas finding Meg and eventually Jack again for his true happy ending that he can have and Crowley probably trying to install himself as king again. Then when Rowena finally exits as Queen of Hell, she'll join and Crowley will annoyed, but Gabriel will be happy to see her again. LOL.

Megstielers also got robbed hard with all that setup of Cas still pining for Meg for YEARS, the Empty using her image (not Dean!) to taunt him (the Empty clearly saw Meg in Cas' head when it could have taken the form of anyone, including Cas like last time) and a whole dropped plot thread that Cas made a deal with Ruby to break a demon out of the Empty, which only makes sense with the one and only demon he'd actually want to let out of the Empty. That's dangling one 'ship a whole bunch of carrots (like every single Clarence reference for a decade) to rip the rug out from under them.

I suppose I should've seen it coming when the previously on segment for 15x13 was a Pizza Man and the Babysitter retrospective that shoved Cas out of the Pizza Man role beside Babysitter Nurse Meg to shove Dean into Megstiel's sexy times meme. I guess it turned Cas into just Dean's Baby in a Trench Coat (which was an insult about being useless to Dean's cause without powers, which suggests Cas has no worth to him otherwise), since he got infantilized with the removal of the Pizza Man originally being him.

I still haven't watched the episode. The Tumblr crap is that off-putting.

What should've been an epic moment in Cas' story is now tainted by his love of humanity, found family and free will (his real love story is with all of humanity and finding belonging, in spite of always being on the outside looking in on a life he can't have because he's not human) being reduced to horny girls who just want fetish smut with Dean and don't give a fig about canon Cas outside of a toxic, abusive crack!ship. It's always so immature and vapid!

It was immediately clear when I joined the fandom that shockingly few gave a crap about any character but Dean, even refusing to see what he's become in later seasons. Also numerous examples where they admit having not seen the show in a decade or only knowing the show via manipulative .gif sets. Cas and Sam (if they remember him at all) are just props or prizes to be won. They ignore context of familial/platonic relationships. Canon love interests aren't good enough because they're not the big prize of being a main. I also note the deluge of Wincest girls who hate Cas for existing (he's in their way) in the anti-Destiel tag.

I can't say the .gifs are making me want to watch, even though the dialog is vague enough to still fit Cas' actual character for the general audience who isn't glued to social media.

As for Dean's non-reaction, I had similar problems with Jensen's constipated acting back in 15x03 when Cas finally walked away while Dean looked like he couldn't care less, which the writers coincidentally praised Jensen for (holy crap that interview was up his backside) and completely ignored Misha actually giving a good performance in a scene that actually meant something long coming for Cas. I certainly can't say the same about the quality of this scene, which just looks forced on both ends.

I hope I like the episode more than the sounds of it, but my hopes aren't high. This is not how I wanted Cas' final moments on the show to be.

After:

Well, I got up the stomach to watch it tonight. Thankfully, in context, it definitely got blown way out of proportion by what the Hellers turned it into (as usual). Yeah, even when watching while unfortunately not blind to the wackadoodle fandom discourse, it played out better on screen than the .gifs. And frankly, a whole lot less like creepy Care Bear stare nightmare fuel than the few choice screenshots kept showing (yikes). I still wish Sam and Jack had been there, because they're just as much part of what connected Cas to feeling like part of a family (even more so in the later years), but it's not the total monstrosity it was turned into online.

Average viewers who just take canon as is without trying to read into it what they want to be there instead, IMO, will safely interpret it platonically (even if coming after a particularly hellish few years in Dean's personality rot where the whole friendship was beginning to be questionable) more often than not because that's what the canon has said for a dozen years. Again, I repeat that Cas already told the Winchesters he loved them when he thought he was dying.

It's a crime to have Cas' perfect philia (brotherly), storge (parental) and agape-style (sacrificial and unconditional) loves being immaturely twisted into eros in a way that degrades the whole meaning of the character's journey. People telling each other they love one another when it's not sexual should never be mocked into being afraid to do so because of this insidious, willful misinterpretation. If only somebody had told Cas they love him instead of him always being the one with his heart on his sleeve!

This character went from being tortured into a robotic, emotionless, ancient, not-remotely-humanoid being who couldn't relate to the simplest of human needs to being someone deeply in love with humanity and wanting to find belonging amongst it despite knowing it would always end with him watching them all grow old and die after having families and such experiences angels are forbidden from having (another reason why Jack was so important to Cas' story).

The wording is valid for that philia/agape interpretation, given Cas definitely equated Dean (whom Cas watched sacrificing himself for Sam endlessly, including why he had to be raised from perdition in the first place) with a guide role in his learning to understand humanity and proudly-defiant free will before he could love it. It's valid enough to say that Cas wouldn't have broken his programming permanently without being challenged to question everything he'd ever believed and give up his entire angelic belonging. That much of it did begin with Cas just happening to be the angel who succeeded in the Hell rescue.

Obviously, it's also canon that Cas had a long history of not following orders and getting lobotomized by Naomi, but Cas actually understanding humanity and what free will means did happen only after this particular rebellion. I'm very glad at least that was in the speech, but of course, it's being hopelessly ignored.

I stand by my interpretation that what Cas can't have has always been the tragic version of The Little Mermaid where she turns into sea foam in the end. Cas has always looked in on what everyone else takes for granted from the outsider's perspective. There's a part of him that will always be left out, no matter how well he learns to fit in and how much those around him begin to treat him as a real person. Cas never really got to truly belong with humanity, no matter how much he loves and is loved by it. He's also not getting to stay where he wants to be. There's no Pinocchio ending for Cas that turns him into a real Winchester.

Sadly, Dean's constant othering of him and Jack like they're just more monsters to hunt only alienated them more. Jack was someone Cas could relate to as a supernatural being capable of human emotions, which might also have furthered his draw towards Meg. Sam was also someone Cas could relate to as freaks and abominations amongst their own kinds. Sam always had that same struggle, also with his own family. It goes a long way towards explaining why Sam was always so empathetic to Cas and Jack in a way that Dean couldn't be. All three kept conflicting with that black & white humans = good/other = bad mindset that sometimes creeps in with Dean. When Cas was Dean's "best friend" in the early days, he rationalized it by thinking of Cas as being "like" a human ("You used to be human, or at least like one.").

Yet it still remains true that Cas often found himself looking to Dean to teach him about humanity back when he didn't know enough about it to be inconspicuous amongst them. Dean gave him the crash course in both what humanity is willing to do for each other, but also its flaws and failings at the same time.

Perhaps the saddest scenes in the episode were actually Sam watching everyone poof in front of him. Sam has really been forced to watch a lot of death scenes this season all by himself (as with Rowena), but he looked the most broken by Eileen's. Cas is going to be hard on him, because I genuinely think Sam was far closer to him in the end. Sam was the one who actually was trying to reach out to Cas when Dean repeatedly kept him out of the loop. Sam being left out from the final words with Cas or even hearing first-hand about the deal with the Empty just furthers that tragedy. While Dean has been raging at everything in sight, Sam and Cas have both looked broken, sad and tired all season.

[mimirue]

2020 Blog Recap

I saw @desira-sims make a post recapping the events on their blog for 2020 and I thought I’d steal the idea

Everyone knows 2020 has been a crazy year and for me it was no exception. I started working from home in March and I’m still working from home now. I got shingles and that was a painful process of recovery lol. And then after many things pushing it back I started streaming on twitch and hit affiliate which has been such a great experience and feels like such a fit.

Posting in tumblr has been a definite constant throughout 2020. It’s been mostly Markus’ BC and gens 5 and 6 of my not so berry but I’ve loved every second of it.

Be sure to let me know if I included any of your favorite moments or even if i\I missed yours!

January

A Muse for Markus: I started out Markus’ search for love with the thing he’s loved most in the world. It was finally time for him to find the person he loved just as much as music. Markus’ BC has by far been my favorite thing I’ve ever done in the sims and I definitely look forward to doing another BC in the future.

February

Solo dates: We started out the competition with solo dates and there were three girls who had quick leads for Markus’ and my own hearts. They all made it to the final half of the competition so obviously the initial connection meant something. From a storytelling perspective it was challenging to try to think up 12 unique dates for the girls and I learned quickly that this struggle wasn’t going to go away any time soon.

March

The first rose ceremony: *sigh* ...I took a 2 week break before actually writing this scene. I didn’t think it would actually be so hard to let someone go home but hell it really was. I don't think this was made any easier by the fact that the first girl to go home was that of one of my best friends or that it kinda came as a surprise to me literally at the end of the pre-ceremony party when I totaled up their relationship scores. I would soon learn that each elimination really does get easier.

April

The first kiss: I have so many feelings about the Angie X Markus pairing lol. I love Angie so much but I hated how her in game actions made me have to write her (I actually wrote her so much nicer than she was in game lol). Markus was OBSESSED with her for the first half of the competition and I almost felt bad for the other ladies. He viewed her through rose-tinted glasses and she could do no wrong...until she could. For some reason living an entire season (on the longest setting) together was not enough for Angie to stop feeling tense around the other girls and eventually she started taking that out on Markus. All of that being said I put so much love and care into the first of many kisses for these two and also of the competition.

May

Nadia Nadia Nadia: The early favorite to win, the first tears, and the only one to let it be known that she was upset at Markus at the end. I thought she wouldn’t actually fall in love with Markus when this thing started but by the time it was time for her to go you could just tell from in-game actions that she was way more in love with him than he was with her and that was a bit heartbreaking. This screenshot might still be my favorite screenshot ever taken. And I love that Nadia left the show just how she entered it, a fucking queen.

June

The Finale:

(Don’t tell me you expect me to pick one photo from this emotional rollercoaster of a post)

Six months is how long it took me to write this sims story and while I still stand by what I said at the start that I’m not a good writer by any means I learned a lot about writing over those six months. I learned that I CAN write if I want to, I learned that it’s okay if it takes a while to get to the end, I learned that the journey is just as important for you as it is for your readers. And most importantly to me I learned that I want to be that person who writes those cliché stories with the plots you’ve seen a million times because that’s exactly what I like to read and it’s so important that you look back and love what you put so much of yourself into creating. 

Now to these two hotties: Simnosa is no stranger to the fact that I didn’t feel much of a connection to Lorena at first (I tease her about it endlessly). It seems appropriate that Markus was the same as it allowed me to fall in love with them at the same pace that they fell in love with each other. At the very last minute I decided to make the winner a mystery till the second to last post and to have Markus get Lorena back for all the teasing and pranks she had thrown his way. I knew if I made it look like there was no winner I would never be able to pull that off again so it was quite literally now or never and I quite liked the result even if not every reader was the biggest fan of it haha. I love these two and I promise I have more planned for them once ya girl gets the time.

July

Nsb Plum: By the time I was done with the BC I was missing the Berry family something fierce so it was so refreshing to get back to something a little less story focused. 

For some reason I didn’t realize that gen 5 of the Not so Berry challenge would end up so story heavy. I never really wanted to write fighting scenes before but I also wanted to showcase that their divorce was technically neither of their faults individually. Indi was a work-a-holic because he somehow felt he had to be this super successful person in an “important” career just like his family before him and he felt that Clem didn’t understand that. While Clem left without telling him that she was pregnant and then only telling him about his daughter after he had shown signs of growing up (here’s a secret: she needed to do some growing up as well). It was like watching my children grow into adults even if they weren’t necessarily the more fair of parents.

August

Aspirations: I wrote and started posting my first sims challenge. It seems quite fitting that my sim for this challenge was Emilee as she was the reason I first started posting anything on tumblr and she and Sutter were also the only reason I ended up writing my first sims story. It was time I wrapped up their story so we can move on to that of others ~in her family~. It was so nice for me to tell a story that spanned a few years of their lives with no dialogue. I really liked this style and I’ll most definitely adopt it again in the future.

September

Nsb Orange: Back when Ginger wasn’t 90% chaos and she was at least 40% naïve. I’m always excited to move on to the next heir but Ginger had me more excited than normal.

October

October Photo Challenge:  This was a fun one, it was a nice way to give some love to the characters that I’m playing next as a bit of a preview. I also think the photos turned out pretty snazzy. 

November

Next gen: The twins are so freaking cute as both toddlers and children. What I never expected (and kinda planned against) was for them to get along or for Ginger to be such a good parent. I wanted Ian to be a bit of a loner but the two best ladies in his life love to shower him with too much love and care for him to have too much time alone.

December

End of Orange gen: I had so much fun with her story. Ginger might not be my only polyamorous sim but she’s the first one really showcased on my tumblr. I covered a lot of borderline controversial topics and it seemed like you all enjoyed it, for which I’m grateful. Gen 6 is the first generation where there are no rules on your spouse so I knew I didn’t want her to get married. But that didn’t mean I wanted her to be single. 

--------------------------

Thank you all to all of you who followed and read my dumb little blog during 2020. 

And a huge thank you to all the people who made sims for me! My blog and stories would not be the same without your creative geniuses being added to the mix as well!

[gideongrace]

Talking amongst ourselves - fanfic writer interviews: @ihni

(Originally, these interviews were done more conversationally, but this interview is a LONG one! So I edited it down for tumblr. You can read the whole unedited, uncut interview over on a03! There are pictures involved. :)

Please say your first name, your age, your pronouns, the fandoms you write for and provide a link to your a03. You can also mention your sexual orientation or other details, if you'd like.

 Ihni:

My real name is Moa, but I go by Ihni online. On AO3, I have an account under Ihni (https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ihni) but that's for rhymes (and doodles). I only wrote rhymes/poetry for a long time, and when I started writing fic, I wanted to put that under another pen name. I was NOT comfortable writing stories for YEARS. Now, though, I don't care. So, I write fics under the pen name Thei (https://archiveofourown.org/users/thei/).

It's all Stranger Things, these days. Harringrove (because I love the fandom and I like the two of them interacting) and Billy-centric (because I love his character, SO MUCH).

I am ace and aro, so my fics tend to not contain any sex (I have ALLUDED to it a couple of times, but that's basically as far as I go). I am also just as happy to write fics without any romantic or sexual relationships at all. Billy and Steve can be buddies only, as far as I'm concerned.

How do you feel about being aroace when so much of fanfic is all about romance and sex?

Ihni:

I live by the tried and tested rule of "don't like, don't read". 

There is a lot of romance in our fandom, for sure. But it's not like it's lovey-dovey IN OUR FACE romance, you know? 97% of Harringrove fics are two dumb boys who are bad at communication and who can't deal with Feelings. And I fucking live for that! Also, even the lovey-dovey fluffy romance stuff is cute, when it's them. I may not want a relationship for myself, but I don't mind at all if the boys are in one! (If they want it, they deserve it <3)

And as for sex ... well. I can read about sex, if it's well written or if it furthers the plot. If it's too graphic, I tend to scroll past it though, or just skim through it. It doesn't... give me a lot? I guess. Like, it's not like I read "smut" in the tags and go "oooh I have to read this!" - rather the opposite, in fact. I can read it, but it's not something I actively look for, and when I stumble upon it, I don't always read all of it. If I know the writer, I'll probably read through it to honor their work, though.

I just won't ever leave a "omg that was so hot!" comment! XD If someone expects that from me, they'll be disappointed (and I'm constantly terrified of disappointing or offending people for NOT commenting on their smut).

Basically, I am the master of my own fandom experience, and if something makes me uncomfortable I will keep away from it. Simple as that.

More people should live by that rule.

What's your writing process like?

 Ihni:

Uuuuuuuugh.

That's an interpretation of my writing process.

No, but.

I usually get SUPER INSPIRED to write a specific scene, or concept... and THAT part goes well, but then I have to build a STORY around it, and that takes SUCH A LONG TIME and SO MUCH EFFORT!

And also, usually, it gets out of hand.

I usually have to force myself to get the words in, honestly. And also, I get real tired of what I'm writing, real fast. So I have to force myself to finish (I have a few WIPs that are more than a year in the making...) before moving on to other things. (And I usually write the other things inbetween, anyway.)

I get easily distracted, when I write. Like, actually sitting down and writing takes an hour and a half. Then I MIGHT write for like twenty minutes, lol.

Cold Turkey Writer was a godsend XD.

If I have internet on while I'm writing, not a lot will be written, let's just ... let's just say that.

How do you edit?

Ihni:

HAHAHAHAHAHAA

Erm.

Well.

Sometimes, I read through it once, and change a few things, and let that be it.

In a couple of cases, for the longer ones, I have actually made an effort to read through it more than once. (The problem being that by then, I'm so sick of it that I will skim through it just to get it over with.)

A couple of times, a friend has read through it for me, and given me pointers. Which is VERY HELPFUL! But they've offered to do it for me, I would never ask it of someone.

And about the editing process ... I check for spelling mistakes, or when something sounds wrong, or looks wrong ... and then I fix it, so it looks and sounds better in my head. I don't know. That's editing, right?

What fanfic authors do you admire?

Ihni:

In the Harringrove fandom, I have to mention LEMONLOVELY, because I'm in love with the way she writes Billy, and the way she's shaping her fics as she goes, and the way her attention to detail brings a whole mood (I am OBSESSED with her "Words Left Unsaid" fic, and am probably that fic's biggest fan).

LYMRICKS, because fucking hell, they sure can write a fic that draws you in. There's something about long sentences in combination with short sentences that really makes them easy to read, and the language is like a punch to the gut, at times.

CALLIEB, because I love their stories and I'm currently following "Second Thoughts" and I love how they write everyone like ... like they're holding their breath, waiting for something.

And I'm not even gonna mention any others by name because I'm terrible with names and I'm bound to forget someone and I'm just, I don't want to do that. Our fandom is full of talented writers, and I just. If I've commented on your fic, I read through all of it and I liked it. If I haven't - well, I HAVE been writing more lately = less time to read, and I have like 100 fic tabs open on all of my devices ... I hope to get there, some time!

In other fandoms, let me mention PeaceHeather (for how they write Loki and that world), aloneintherain (such good whump!), isaDanCurtisproduction (the absolute best Spideypool!) and gaelicspirit (who writes lovely angsty whumpy Musketeers fics). Like. Just to mention 0.01%, or something.

I don't think any of them, particularly, have impacted my style - because I don't HAVE a style - but I soak up every word of every fanfic I ever read, and if one sentence is a particularly pretty string of words, I will copy & paste it into a word document that is now 170 pages long, or screenshot it to keep it forever. ❤️

Words. <3

What's your favorite story of yours?

What's your least favorite story of yours?

What's your favorite line you've ever written?

Ihni:

Like, in what SENSE? Even though I know my writing isn't up to par, they're still my babies. Still my creations. I love them in different ways! Like. I love "Coming Back" because it was the longest I had written back then, and it's probably the one I am most pleased about, writing-wise, and it's also the one I went through and edited the most. So it feels like the one I worked the most on.

I love "Toy Soldiers" because it was a totally self-indulgent piece of writing that I wrote for the joy of it, and because I wanted to read it and no one else was about to write it for me.

I love "About Apologies" because something about it pleases me, it was an experiment that didn't fail, and I like it more and more with time.

I love "Less of a mistake, more of a miscalculation" because I had fun while writing it, and it turned out kind of like I wanted it to, plot-wise.

I love "Actions and reactions", because I had no idea what I was doing back then, but I still did it, and somehow it got long and I still don't know how that happened.

And I realise that this makes me sound a little self-centered, but I worked hard on them. I love them, even if they're my ugly and imperfect babies. And even if I cringe if I re-read certain parts XD

I guess my least favorite story of mine (and I'm guessing we're talking Stranger Things things here?) is "Not unusual" because a) I never re-read it and b) it was the start of something that I have to actually FINISH at some point and ugh, that was not the original plan. If we're talking least favorite stories in all fandoms, then definitely "In which there are mistakes made", which was a Teen Wolf fic, and the reason why I don't do WIPs anymore. The last chapter was written simply to fucking END it, and ugh, I hate it.

The favorite line I've ever written ...? I don't know. Are we talking in fic? Because I write my best stuff in comments, honestly. :p I don't think I have an answer for that one, actually. Sorry :S

What part of writing is easiest for you?

What part of writing is hardest for you?

 Ihni:

Easiest? Dialogue. I like dialogue. Like, as a non-English speaker I can at least imagine a plausible exchange of words, and banter, and make it sound somewhat realistic, I imagine.

Hardest? The rest. Like, some people are just fucking WIZARDS with words, can write these long descriptive sentences that perfectly sets the mood for when a character gracefully moves across the room ... whereas I am just, "He stood up and walked over. End of fucking story."

What do you do when you're struggling for inspiration?

Ihni:

Give up?

Or do something else.

Or go and read. (That's basically the same as giving up.)

Or, if I'm still writing, I go to another part of the story and write THAT, and hope that I'll feel like connecting the two pieces, later.

Inspiration is a bitch.

Who introduced you to fandom and when?

Ihni:

Oh god. I am old. I don't remember. 

I started writing stories when I was real young, and I was always reading something. I started writing stories with my friends when I was a teenager. Then we discovered the internet (yes, this was around the time when we got internet access in school and at home, told you I was old!) and when doing that, I guess we found more like-minded people.

Fanfics ... weren't an organized thing, back then. But I've been reading them, and been in fandoms, ever since I discovered that there were people online who liked the same things that I liked.

I would say, actively, from maybe around 19-20 years old? Like, that was ACTIVE fandom-ing.

What is your advice to fellow writers?

How often do you jump between fandoms?

How long have you been writing?

Ihni:

As a WRITER, I am not the best person to give advice to writers, I think. I'd rather TAKE advice than give it, at this point.

As a READER, my advice is to WRITE, WRITE, WRITE, because you are doing a good thing and you are creating a version of a world that is yours, versions of characters that you can shape into anything, and SOMEONE out there will love you for it (probably me).

I jump between fandoms ... hmm, as a WRITER? Seldom. Billy's my jam and I'm not moving.

As a READER? All the time. I mean, I'm pretty deep into Harringrove and Billy and Stranger Things, but sometimes I need something light-hearted, and then I go back to some of my basic fandoms, and read something else. I will never run out of things to read. 

❤️

And how long have I been writing? FOREVER. I wrote when I was young, and thought I was going to be an author (wrote in Swedish, back then). Then I wrote when I was a teen, for fun. Then I stopped writing. Then I started writing rhymes, in English, because it was a craft I could do and train in, and it was short pieces. And only in recent years (very recent), have I started writing fics. And now, I write long-ass fics in English, so I guess I have at least come a long way!

Why do you write?

Ihni:

...

I just sat and stared at the screen for a good ten seconds.

I'd say that it differs.

Sometimes, I write because I want to READ something and no one has written it (or is going to).

Sometimes, I write because I want a very specific thing or feeling, and it doesn't exist yet.

Sometimes, I write because I am inspired.

Sometimes, I write because I want to.

Sometimes, I write because of a deadline.

Sometimes, I write because there's something in my head that Won't Leave Me The Fuck Alone until I get it out.

Sometimes, I write for fun.

Sometimes, I write because I want to hurt.

Sometimes, I write because I need to.

Sometimes, I write because I want to become better at it; learn; reach towards the writers whose work I love.

And sometimes, I just sit and stare at a document, don't write a single fucking word, and go watch a movie instead.

[hjertetssunnegalskap1]

I don't know if you ever talked about it, and i hope you don't mind, (if you do, don't need to answer) but what's your process for these paintings you do? Like, what materials you use? Do you paint on canvas? How do you digitalize it? I know this is weird, I guess I'm just oddly curious.

Hi! Of course! answered an ask about how I started out and how I mostly do painting, if that might be interesting. There I say something about how I paint other stuff than fanart, too.

Earlier I’ve mostly painted on canvas. With fanart, I mostly paint on paper, and most of the time, crappy copy paper. I take what I find, basically. That means that my art often is painted on A4, and I don’t need much room. So that’s a good thing. It sometimes makes the details tricky to get right, though. That’s the downside.

I use acrylic paint, and if I struggle with the details or want a special effect, I use filtpens too. I have used charcoal with the paint too, but that’s pretty rare. I love the acrylic paint, because it allows me to paint over my mistakes (I do a lot of mistakes). The acrylic colours end up a little more matte than oil paint colours, but it dries quicker and that fits my impatience best.   

I have a bunch of different colours, but I come a long way with yellow, yellow ocre, blue (ultramarine), red, white and black. I use a LOT of white. And I mix these colours to get green, orange, purple and different other shades. And I use water to mix them, but I paint with more paint than water.  

A big part of the work is to find good reference images to paint. I find photos or screenshots of the characters I want to paint and print them out so I can look at them. If I want something in the background, search for that, too. Sometimes, if I struggle to figure out how everything fits together, or if I have many details, I make an edit in Powerpoint and then I use the edit as a reference photo. Yeah, I know… powerpoint is maybe not the most advanced editing program, lol, but I know how I can remove backgrounds I don’t want with it, so that’s why I use it.  

Here you can see the edit I used to paint after to the left, and the finished drawing to the right. Now that I see them side by side I try not to get annoyed by the things I should have fixed, lol. Ah well.

Then I outline everything with a pencil first. That often takes some time, looking at the reference photo/ edit and trying to get all the details right. I often use pencil to outline stuff, but with acrylics, I sometimes just use a small pencil with black paint, too.

Then it’s time to start painting. I mostly start out to paint the background first. I am horribly unstructured, so I sometimes start with bright colours and sometimes the darker ones. It depends on what I feel that I need to do first to see if I can make the image work. Faces are important, so I often start there. And often with the eyes. I am mostly self-learned and I have some bad habits. For instance, when I mix colours, I’m not structured at all. I just try and fail and try again. I wish that I knew more about mixing colours, I suppose, but as long as it works, it’s okay by me. So yeah. That’s how I do it. I guess I paint in different layers, too, like I get a first draft that I paint over to get the details more right.  

So, when the painting’s done, I take a photo with my phone and email it to myself, so I can post it on Tumblr, AO3 and Insta. I should probably figure out how to take better photos, or scan in the images. But that’s how I do it, right now!

Thank you so much for asking, I could go on and on for hours about this, hah. If you have more questions, ask away!

[ibecomegenuine-blog]

tumblr disappointed me

last night i wrote out things i could already see i'd changed for the better, what i've improved on, so much that i even dug from the depths, the true depths, of my mind, everything that i knew needed to mean something, and tumblr erased it all completely, it was all gone in a split second, and i know it's illogical and not connected but it feels like it was the world calling me on bullshit or something, and i can't even remember it because it hurt so bad that it disappeared in the first place, because i finally try to do something for myself and it goes wrong and i really express myself and it just goes away like it was never there, like it was never legitimate, and that sucks, but yeah, sigh

i, i even struggle to try and write anything out again because i know i won't say it the way i really meant again, and i know i'll miss things, and i hate the idea of that :/

but i want to try, i just, sigh, that was the most important part for me personally and that was what had to go and get lost

here goes my attempt

things i already see i've changed or am changing for the better:

i've learned to not let doubting and letting fear get the best of me hurt the people i love even if my overthinking brain tells me it's for the best

it's good that i shut people down after bad things happened even if i felt out of control when it was happening

it is always okay to say no, no matter what, i just need to know that, and keep knowing it

i have been learning to always treat my lover the way a lover should be treated, i've learned to work better as a team and communicate, and be a shoulder to lean on as well as leaning when i know i need to

i have stopped self destructing in a direct physical manner for over two years now

i've been opening up recently, about how i really feel, about things that happen to me, and although it hasn't been much, it's more than before and that's improvement and that's good for me

i've really been working on my future finally, because i've grown to care about where i'll be going, so i enlisted and all that and i've got plans i'll be working towards as i make it through smaller achievements to get to where i really want to be

i've learned to become a leader, in rotc, and that's small, but it signifies a lot for me that i can take this group of super different people with unique personalities and build something from that, i love my charlie company and they don't always hate me lol, so that's good

when i have overwhelming moments and such because of my depressed, anxious self, i've been working on taking deep breaths and smiling even if it's fake and thinking about things that bring me joy so that even if i don't feel happy, i can feel better in the moment rather than dwelling on the negativity i seem to push on myself

i'm becoming more comfortable with myself as i am, i don't curl my lashes for school every morning and i don't obsess over which polo to wear with what bottoms and what jacket/cardigan/hoodie or shoes, when i look nice, i look nice for me, and i'd rather wear cherry chapstick than lipstick on most days and i'm okay with that, and it's okay to pretty myself up, doesn't mean i'm trying to impress anyone that isn't michael, i'm just being happy with me, and that's a big deal

sigh

i know i won't ever be satisfied with this list but i know that it will probably be really important for me later in the future that i tried to rewrite it so, i'll just try to not focus on how upset i am that i even thought about screenshotting what i'd written last night because i had even screenshotted the lesser important part previously, and i didn't, and that's why i'm here now, pleh, i hope i don't cry over how stupid technology is again, and i hope i remember more eventually or something