#tubby unite

[mallydajester]

Shadoxtubby told me to keep the tubby unite project alive so here's my character in tubby unite (also tubby unite is like a inspired version of Pokemon unite)

Mally

Role:Defender

Passive Ability↓

Slowdown glare: when Mally has low hp he Will recover 50% of the HP that was taken then the ability will shortly coldown and will also lower enemies speed

Attack

Auto attack: Becomes a boosted attack with every third attack, dealing increased damage.

Damage - Basic:

100% Atk + 0 x (Level - 1) + 0

Move 1

Bubble:

Level 1 or 3

Coldown:6.00s | Area

Cover itself in a bubble, granting it a shield for 3s. When the shield’s effect duration ends or if this move is used again, the bubble shield pops, dealing damage to nearby opposing teamate and slowing them by 30% for 2s.

Damage:

128% SpA + 20 x (Level - 1) + 380

Shiled:

15% Max hp

----------Bubble Upgrade Choices------------

Dragon pulse:

Level 5

Coldown:6.00s | Area

Unleashes a shock wave in the designated direction, dealing damage to enemy it hits up to 4 times. If the center of the shock wave hits enemy enemies, it deals increased damage to them and restores the user’s HP. More HP is restored when the center of the pulse deals damage to enemy that have a slowing effect applied to them.

The fourth tick of damage can be animation cancelled by inputs (attack or movement). It is undetermined if this is a bug or not.

Damage (Center - per hit up to 4 hits):

68% SpA + 5 x (Level - 1) + 230

Damage (Side - per hit up to 4 hits):

40.8% SpA + 3 x (Level - 1) + 138

Healing (Per hit up to 4x based on number of Center hits):

10% Missing HP

0% SpA + 8 x (Level - 1) + 30

Psystrike:

Coldown 8.00s | sure hit

Level 5

Mally becomes unstoppable and starts directing psychic waves at the designated enemy, each hit dealing damage and decreasing their movement speed by 10% for 1s, stacking up to 5 times. While Mewtwo is directing psychic waves, it takes 25% reduced damage. At the end of the move, Mally sends a final hit, dealing damage to the designated enemy and nearby enemies then throws them for 1s.

If Psystrike is intercepted by an enemy that isn't the intended target, there's no explosion and the enemy hit is shoved instead.

Damage (x5):

41% Atk + 3 x (Level - 1) + 100

Damage - Final Hit:

146% Atk + 7 x (Level - 1) + 319

------------------------------------

Move 2

Tackle:

Level 1 or 3

Coldown 10:00s | Hindrance

Charges at a enemy, dealing damage and throwing it. If this move hits, the user bounces back a short distance.

Damage:

80% SpA + 8 x (Level - 1) + 270

----Tackle Upgrade Choices----

Wish:

Coldown:5.50s | Recovery

Level 7

Wishes for an ally teammates or Mally. For 2s, that teammate receives 15% reduced damage, then afterward, the wish comes true and heals them. If the targeted Teammate is knocked out before the wish comes true, a different ally Teammate near them takes the wish instead.

Heal:

300% Atk + 18 x (Level - 1) + 600

Aerial Ace:

Coldown: 4.00s | Dash

Level 7

Dash in a direction, dealing damage to enemies hit. The next attack is a boosted attack non-Chlorophyll empowered. A maximum of two uses may be kept in reserve for this move and cannot be used more than once every 0.5s.

Damage:

132% Atk + 9 x (Level - 1) + 360

------------------------------------

Psy-explosion:

Unite move

Coldown: 100s | area

Mally throws enemies in the area of effect into the air and suspends them using psychic power. After a delay, an explosion occurs that deals damage to all enemies in the area of effect and shoves them. mally is unstoppable during this move.

Damage:

87% SpA + 11 x (Level - 1) + 520

[theotherblueeyedtallest]

I thought this would be a song Psych would sing to cheer Cerulean up c:

[canmom]

Animation Night 179: Unicorn Wars

Hey everyone! Real brief blurb tonight because I talked about Alberto Vázquez last week - tonight I'm going to be re-running Unicorn Wars since last week it was way too late for people to attend!

Unicorn Wars could be roughly described as Apocalypse Now with teddy bears. We encounter a world in which a militaristic country of teddies is locked in a revanchist forever-war against the unicorns who now occupy the Magic Forest. It is a conflict in part religious in nature: the bears are convinced that whoever drinks the blood of the last unicorn will enter into a transcendant state of being.

Our story concerns a fresh batch of recruits, sent on a mission that none of them know is sacrificial. Led by a sergeant who has no idea what he's in for and a reserved priest, they set out with grenades and bows and arrows to find out what became of a lost unit.

Our main characters are a pair of brothers, Azulín and Gordi, or Bluey and Tubby as the English sub renders it. Both of them are deeply screwed up by their parents separation and their mothers' death; Azulín in particular, who took more after their father, has a determination to prove himself at whatever cost, and a contemptuous, bullying relationship to his brother.

But we also encountere the rest of the doomed bears and there are some real characters. The bear culture is a fascinating blend of cute fluffy signifiers and militaristic ones, joined into one nihilistically eugenic competition for status. There's a real fascination in the animation with the physicality of the bears' bodies, the way they squish around, messy scenes of eating, and of course a great deal of gore. You see quite a bit of teddybear pp.

Naturally the mission goes south fast. A lurid trip on colourful bugs brings the first casualties - a fantastic blast of psychedelia - but the teddies are also completely unprepared for fighting the unicorns. Or their willingness to murder each other. In the end, Azulín and Gordi are the only survivors, surviving off the land - and then things really take a turn.

Of the unicorns, we learn much less. One unicorn, María, is something of a deuteragonist - desperately searching for her missing sibling, she finds an old church, where the apes of the forest worship a strange, morphing fleshy entity. We do not immediately see what becomes of this - but María ends up falling afoul of the two surviving bears. Azulín attacks Maria while Gordi can only watch; Azulín hits María multiple times but is ultimately pierced by a young unicorn and cast into the river, leaving María alone with Gordi. (In contrast, in the original short, the Gordi analogue kills the Azulín analogue after they kill a unicorn.)

Azulín, horribly injured, washes up back at the main teddybear base, where the military higherups attempt to make a figurehead of him - completely failing to anticipate his capacity to turn their own forces against them and stage a coup. Where the previous command was simply using the war as a way to stay in power, vengeful Azulín is a true zealot and mobilises the full teddybear army against the unicorns. Meanwhile, Gordi has managed to forge an unlikely friendship with the unicorn María who he has nursed back to health after Bluey's attack.

Vázquez is no stranger to blending cute imagery and extremely dark themes. In contrast to Psiconautas, which felt like a story of the forlorn hope of escape against the bleakness of the world, Unicorn Wars seems more bleak and nihilistic. You know none of this is going to end well; the ending pushes it into a direction of alchemical synthesis, and we'll talk about it when we get there in the film.

Unicorn Wars generally looks amazing, vividly coloured and elegantly blending 2D and 3D animation. And well, there's a reason for that: like I Lost My Body, which shared many of the same animators, this is an all-Blender production, using Grease Pencil for 2D animation, and a very inventive process for the unicorns where the 3D render is converted to a 2D grease pencil drawing which can be further edited by the anmiators. The result is that the unicorns get the sense of life that comes from the slightly imperfections 2D animation, and yet the precise perspective of 3D animation. It's a fantastic showcase of what Blender's 2D-in-3D can enable, and it honestly just makes me really happy to see from a tech-art perspective.

In short, Unicorn Wars is an intense, bleak and also very funny film, I loved it. If you have a reasonable threshold for gore, I hope you'll come to see it with me!

Also check out this cool pixel art of Azulín I found in the gif picker, by @none-dc. (He's such a little shit and this captures it so well.)

Animation Night 179 will be going live now at twitch.tv/canmom, going live now with the film to start in about half an hour (21:50 UK time) - hope to see you there!

[bastardblvd]

I’m a young, amateur filmmaker. I’m working on a project for college, desperately trying to find what to film. I’ve been scouring Craigslist for ideas when I found an ad listed.

Park ranger, camera man needed

I opened the ad and it was some guy named Eren. He was a park ranger who had an interest in bird watching. His unit wanted a cameraman to help film a promo for their website and I figured, why not?

I responded to the ad and met up with him in the forest. Should I have met up with him somewhere else? Say, somewhere more public? Yeah, probably.

His park ranger outfit looked kinda dingey but who am I to judge?

I found it weird that it was only him in this promo but I shook that feeling off quickly when I saw how hot he was.

I had been filming him for 30 minutes when one thing lead to another and he had me pressed up against one of the trees. Sure, the bark was cutting into my hands and a bug crawled over my foot but he was hitting it real good from the back so I couldn’t complain.

I had so much fun with him I hardly noticed he stole my equipment in my postcoital state. I didn’t notice until I got back to my dorm room in fact. I told myself it wasn’t that big of a deal and I could always buy another camera, it’s not like they were expensive anyways. The next morning I called the park ranger station not to inquire about my camera, but to ask if he wanted to meet again. Somewhere that wasn’t the setting for a cheap found footage horror movie.

But, when I called the station they said they didn’t have any rangers who specialized in bird watching. Can’t believe he screwed me over like that, literally and figuratively.

I also noticed a camera listed on Craigslist the next day that suspiciously looked like mine. I’m sure it wasn’t though, as the seller was someone named NotaScammerToji. Talk about a weird name. Anyway, that’s my story.

YOU WERE REALLY JUST DESCRIBING THE BEGINNING OF THE MOVIE “CREEP” FOR A SECOND THERE… what’s next, you’re gonna meet him at his family’s vacation home? 🤨 have a tubby?

REM YOUR COMMITMENT IS KILLING ME!! of course you would mention a bug crawling over your foot… BUT FAKE PARK RANGER EREN STEALING YOUR SHIT IS GENIUS DHHDSH IM SO HAPPY THIS WAS THE RESULT FOR YOU

[fatguarddog]

Would you mind helping me figure out a name for a washed up superhero feedee? My first thought was Unit or Tubbs (like Tubby) but I’m sure there might be better names out there!

I quite like Unit because it's ambiguous but leans into the Absolute Unit vibes

Heavy is also a good vague one I guess but might get confused with TF2, if anyone has any good suggestions feel free to reply to this post for anon!

[sparkboyproductions]

Charlie & Eleanor: Les Amoureux a Paris

New update of my new illustrated anthropomorphic cat and dog series.

With another reference to William Shakespeare's classic play Romeo & Juliet, where we see my new created characters Charlie the English husky and Eleanor a French blonde haired tabby cat, having a romantic dance under the beautiful bright night sky as the city of Paris shone around them.

Charlie, a husky is a shy sort of character whose autistic and mostly anxious, thinking he may screw something up. He is from Norwich and has a thrill for adventure, exploring cultures all over the world. He has a passion for many things but is worried in never finding the right girl to spend his life with.

Eleanor, a tubby cat is born to a rich family living in France. She too has a thrill for adventure but somehow is somehow controlled by her demanding parents. Her father who wanted her daughter to earn a good education and have a good life but he hated dog people and forbids her daughter to either make friends or fall in love with canines or in fact English people who she thought are fools. She speaks strong French as she has an interest in visiting the United Kingdom.

Once they met in Paris, it was love at first sight. So throughout as they developed their relationship, both Charlie and Eleanor kept it secret from her parents and try whatever they can to stay together. In this illustration we see the two lovers dancing under the full moon. Charlie showed yet a nervous but sweet smile on his face as the beautiful cat lady whose fallen for him took control of the dance as they looked into each other's eyes.

L’amour est le miracle de la civilisation. -Stendhal

[writer59january13]

Sneezing fit – tests nasal septum

The word Gesundheit was first used in English in 1914. It became popular in the United States due to the many German immigrants who moved there. Many Americans may not be aware that Gesundheit is a German word, or even what it means.

Contrary ro popular belief, I experience sneezing fits

every now and again (like right nah... nah... mah now, but cannot attribute sternutation linkedin to any known allergens).

An infinitesimal slight speck tickled nostril follicle – activated via an itty bitty, nitty gritty dirt band noah bigger than a mole luck yule set in motion a chain reaction, whence mine sensitive proboscis honker (a wheeze hilly little bridged fine tuned pug nose aroma sensor), got unexpectedly in gauged (in holy matt trim mo’ knee) to achew, and eschew pledging troth (in favor of hanky-panky) found this chap feeling phlegmatic despite an endless strings of faux allergic emanations, which upon subsiding left me throat rather raspy and voice some octaves deeper akin to a coterie of celebrated jumping frogs from Calaveras County, California took residence and took leave sans stranglehold upon math rote upon awakening from a hard day’s journey into night across the outer limits of thine twilight zone resurrected during slumber, yet upon awake kin ning felt much refreshed and hungry enough to eat a horse – nee – make that forced whore – gulped down within a hoof n hour and now recount how back in the day when zooming thru the Lilies of the Valley (whooshing mass elf tubby an aero plane) frequent bouts with uber twittering snapchatting sinus attacks besieged crinkled, doppelganger expeller for germs hunting with his clean X instantaneously for nasal passages to enter surreptitiously the fecund effluvia dripping, oozing, and seeping clear liquid as wintry cold air looses droplets from out a near frozen nose, which bloke knows not why frigid blast stimulates a gallimaufry of sniffling to spurt into a volume of one after another gesundheit snorting trumpeting unwittingly confusing Canadian geese, who misconstrue the honking from midway centered facial organ, which angry birds in tandem with flock of Seagulls quite perturbed to espy one curmudgeon chap clapping hands over (what feels like a smashed face) in an effort to stifle subsequent gummy emissions, which residue expectorated with heaven hoe. This thick mucous essentially the defense mechanism of a healthy body electric to restore biz zee nose as usual, which for this mild mannered liberal leitmotif from the chronicle of one matted nattering nabob of nativity attests congested mob functioning like a well lubricated machine, et for the life of me, nary a handy dandy blues clues evident

as per, how the human entity empowered to steamroll over any reasonably annoying bugaboo. Ah, now if only a similar innate defense mechanism arose within the mental health, that would be a supreme testament to thine atheistic exist ants of miracles minus the attendant pharmacopeia of this, that or some other drug to aright skewered psyche (of this contemplative, emotive and intuitive literate outlier), whose fifty plus eight shades of gray matter went awry and skewed toward tipping point (to cope with ordinary cares and concerns of an uncertain whirled wide web) found the bulk of his life riddled with a joe king, gun slinging tub back ha chew win, bard arse wordsmith, who doth newt like to utter any crossword.

[mallydajester]

Wizard tubby

Role: Attacker

Passive Ability:Synchronize

Each time Wizard tubby uses a move, Wizard tubby and nearby allies have their movement speed increased by 15% for 2s.

Passive Ability:Move Reset

When Wizard tubby reaches level 5, the Move Reset icon can be used to reset Wizard tubbys moves and learn new moves. This ability goes on a 25s cooldown after it's used. Each time Mew knocks out or makes an assist on an enemy player, or scores a goal, the Move Reset cooldown is reduced (Knockout: 40%, Assist: 20%, Goal: 5%). Using Move Reset adds 5000 Unite Move energy to Mystical Mirage.

Attack

Auto attack

Each time Wizard tubby uses a move, they gain a boost counter. A maximum of 3 boost counters can be stored. After 3 counters are stored (they have to be consumed within 8s or they disappear), wizard tubby's next basic attack becomes a boosted attack that consumes all counters and launches a ball of psychic energy at an enemy. During the lock-on animation Mew can use moves. The further the ball travels, the more damage it deals (4% more damage per threshold, stacking additively). This ball pierces through newborns, but will stop traveling upon contact with the first enemy player.

Damage - Basic:

100% Atk + 0 x (Level - 1) + 0

Damage - Boosted:

160% SpA + 8 x (Level - 1) + 280

------------------------------------

Move 1

Option one

Icicle Spear:

5.00s | Sure hit

Wizard tubby launches all of its stored ice crystals in rapid succession at the designated enemy. If Glaceon has no ice crystals when this move is used, 2 ice crystals are instantly created and are launched. Launched ice crystals can hit enemies on the opposing team that are not the designated target of this move. The crystals shatter when they hit any enemy, dealing damage to all enemies in the area. Ice crystals launched by this move deal 5% increased damage each time they hit the same enemy (capped at 35%). When this move is used, Ice Shard's cooldown is reduced by 2s and Freeze Dry's cooldown is reduced by 2.5s. A maximum of 12 ice crystals may be launched.

Damage - per Ice Crystal:

34% SpA + 4 x (Level - 1) + 90

Option two

Psyshock:

11.00s | area

Wizard tubby channels three attacks at the targeted area; damaging enemies. Gardevoir's moves' cooldowns are reduced by 15% each time Psyshock hits an enemy.

Damage:

85.5% SpA + 10 x (Level - 1) + 409

Option three

Solar Blade:

8.00s | Ranged

Start gathering light and filling a blade with the light's energy. If this move is used again after light has been gathered, Leafeon brings the blade down in the designated direction, dealing damage to the enemy it hits. The longer the blade is filled with light energy, the more damage is dealt. If this move is used when the Chlorophyll gauge is full, the blade is brought down immediately, dealing maximum damage and the cooldown for the next use of this move is reduced by 50%. The cooldown of this move is also reduced by 50% upon the Chlorophyll gauge being filled.

Damage (1st Level Charge):

200% Atk + 14 x (Level - 1) + 550

Damage (2nd Level Charge):

240% Atk + 17 x (Level - 1) + 660

Damage (3rd Level Charge):

280% Atk + 20 x (Level - 1) + 770

Damage (Max Charge):

320% Atk + 22 x (Level - 1) + 880

------------------------------------

Move 2

Option one

Play Rough:

9.00s | Dash

Leaps in the designated direction stopping at the first enemy hit. The enemy hit is dealt damage and is stunned for 0.7s. Wizard tubby lands near that enemy it hits and deals damage to nearby enemy stunning them as well. If Play Rough connects, Wizard tubby receives 25% reduced damage from the enemies hit for 3s after landing. When this move is boosted with Aeos energy, Wizard tubby leaps further and through all Enemies hit along the leap’s path. Enemy hit will receive damage and be left stunned for the same amount as the base

Damage:

146% Atk + 9 x (Level - 1) + 240

Damage (Boosted):

189.8% Atk + 12 x (Level - 1) + 312

Option two

Calm Mind:

10.00s | Buff

Wizard tubby quietly focuses their mind and calms their spirit, increasing movement speed, Sp. Attack by 40% and Sp. Defense by 10% for 3s.

Level 12

For up to 3s after using Calm Mind+ Wizard tubby can block one move (auto attacks will not be blocked), negating the first instance of damage and granting a shield for 3s. Hinderances and status effects will still be applied.

Shield:

90% SpA + 0 x (Level - 1) + 100

Option three

Mean Look:

9.00s | Hindrance

Pins an enemy with a dark, arresting look, slowing them by 30% for 2s. After a 0.5s delay, the enemy is surrounded by a black zone they cannot leave for 3s. While inside the black zone, Umbreon’s basic attacks become boosted and deal increased damage. The black zone is removed if the target enemy is knocked out.

Mean Look is cleansable if the cleanse is used when the laser connects and before the area appears on the ground.

Damage (Boosted):

196% Atk + 5 x (Level - 1) + 180

------------------------------------

Moonlight Prance:

Unite Move

112s | Debuff

Unlocks at level 8

Wizard tubby briefly becomes unstoppable, leaping up and absorbing the shields of enemies in the area around Umbreon, taking them for the user. Wizard tubby then lands, dealing damage to enemies in an area-of-effect, and stuns them for 1s. For 5s, enemy Pokémon in the area around Umbreon are slowed by 30%, and if an enemy in that area is granted a shield, wizard tubby absorbs 50% of the shield for themself. Additionally, after learning this move and while not in combat, wizard tubby continually recovers 1% Max HP every second.

Damage:

224% Atk + 13 x (Level - 1) + 630

[theotherblueeyedtallest]

Psych is sleepy and needs a nap c:

[policemanofprincesspark]

Leo di Caprio has had real problems keeping his weight down since his late 20s. I don't think Harry struggles with this but who knows? I remember he looked a mess in summer 2020 and then they shaved his face for DWD filming and Hot Harry was back. He also looked okay at that Man U game in February.

I think he looked good in summer of 2020. Maybe you're not a fan of the mustache?

Some like it and some don't. That's a matter of taste.

He looked fine in 2022, though his face was starting to look a little wider. Still not that bad, but then you get to this year, and... yeah.

I don't think he looked good at the Manchester United game, although that's mostly due to his hair. He still looked pudgier than he did a few years before.

Now it's gotten so bad, I don't know what to think. It seems like he's putting on weight. I know he was getting big and muscular, but you could tell he was putting on too much muscle (to do this, you have to eat a lot, so... you're putting on weight, yeah). I know harries fawn over it, but I doubt they find him more attractive now than, say, 2017 Harry.

He just looks... big. Tubby.

[ao3feed-brucewayne]

Visitors from Other Worlds

by NobodyinParticular314 Recent distortions in the space-time continuum have brought new people to Teyvat. Bennett has a team of the unluckiest people ever, Heizou's job is threatened by teenage sleuths, and Charlotte's boss wants photos of Spider-Man. This story is part of "President Tubby and the United Harem of Aether Story." It comes after "The 'We got Traumatized by Yae Miko' Support Group" Story. Words: 3104, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Series: Part 31 of President Tubby and the United Harem of Aether Fandoms: 原神 | Genshin Impact (Video Game), Marvel, DCU (Comics), Scooby Doo - All Media Types, Dragon Ball Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: F/M Characters: Charlotte (Genshin Impact), J. Jonah Jameson, Bennett (Genshin Impact), Guts (Berserk), Shikanoin Heizou, Yanfei (Genshin Impact), Naruhodou Ryuuichi | Phoenix Wright, Diluc (Genshin Impact), Bruce Wayne, Yamcha (Dragon Ball), Duo the Owl (Duolingo) Relationships: Kong | Aether (Genshin Impact)/Everyone Additional Tags: Crack Crossover, I'm Sorry, Comedy, Memes, Why Did I Write This?, Bennett Gets Metaphorically Lucky (Genshin Impact), I Don't Even Know via https://ift.tt/0dHECWl

[imperialmask]

Homeworld Bound Vol 1 (London Calling) Chapter 7: Patriarch

It's the next day and Dan was on his way to the Mayor's office for an important meeting with the Mayor, his father, Jones Peterson. The Mayor's office is a magnificent building, a Gregorian monument to grandeur, authority and power. A marble white portico flanks the entrance like a cavalry unit coming in for a sneak attack, white granite steps lead up to a large wooden door with a crest carved into it carefully. The crest is an Athenian owl standing in front with a symbol of the sun on it's chest and a lambda as the background. The owl had a caduceus in hand. Dan looked up at this symbol, contemplating the rich history of Salem and his own families history behind it.

Dan entered the Mayoral Offices, walls painted a formal light on the eyes red with white columns evenly spaced out like men in formation. Trinkets and Artefacts dot the halls, many coat of arms also hang but a notable one is one of a blue shield with a triple headed eagle with 3 crowns. There's more, one of a red shield and a singular headed black eagle, one of a green shield and a frog with a gem on its back and finally one of a yellow shield with a blue lightning bolt. When Dan walks past these, he feels the weight of legacy crushing him like a boulder.

When he arrived outside his office, he found something he didn't expect, a bored Mick Smith balancing a pen on the tip of his finger. Dan looks at him, confused.

"What are you doing here?" Dan asks.

"Here to see Jones, i bet you're here to do the same." Mick says.

"Yeah. 4pm time slot?" Dan follows up with.

"Yep." Mick answers.

"Same meeting" Both of them sigh. They stand outside, waiting awkwardly. Dan taps his foot against the floor, Mick starts humming, a tumbleweed metaphorically flies through the room. Dan turns to Mick and asks a question.

"How do you know my dad?"

"I met him when i came to Earth." Mick answers.

"Why did you come to Earth?" Dan asks.

"Am i still under interrogation?" Mick asks back.

"Not really, just curious." Dan says back. Mick stands there thinking.

"Ya know...i actually don't know. My Dad never told me." Mick responds.

"You came with your dad?" Dan asks.

"Yep, met your dad. They talked in his office for a bit while i stood outside. I remember sneaking away to find some food at this one really good pizza shop in the city, god i hope that place is still open." Mick responds.

"Remember what it was called?" Dan asks.

"Shit...something with a T?" Mick answers.

"Tubby's?!?" Dan shockingly tells him, he smiles.

"Yes! That was it, Tubby's!" Mick responds, smiling too.

"Tubby's is amazing, i'm friends with the guy who owns it." Dan tells Mick.

"So it's still there?" Mick asks, excited.

"Yep, i'll take you after this meeting if you want." Dan responds, Mick nods.

"Dude, their pepperoni, mwah, chef's kiss." Dan tells Mick.

"I got BBQ." Mick tells Dan, Dan laughs.

"Well thank god your first Pizza wasn't Hawaiian." Dan jokes, Mick laughs too but is also a bit confused. They sigh.

They both stand there smiling, male bonding activities.

A loud buzz plays and both the men turn towards the door. It starts to open and they both see Jones Peterson sitting at his desk with 2 chairs ready opposite him.

"Come in, boys." Jones jovially tells them. Dan approaches with caution but Mick casually walks in. They both sit down in the chairs.

"I need to talk to you two about The Salem Watch." Jones explains.

"The what?" Mick asks.

"The team you joined, the one you're now co-leading." Dan tells him. Mick mouths "oh".

"What is it, father?" Dan asks. Mick inconspicuously looks at Dan when he finishes speaking .

"Hudson and I had a meeting last night about the future of the Watch, we've reached a compromise. An experimental unit of 10 agents split into 2 squads. The overall unit, the Watch itself, will be led by Daniel with Daniel leading one of the squads and Michael leading the other. To get COG to fit the bill for dedicated support teams, i had to agree to a few stipulations, one of them being that you, Michael, will have to prove yourself to COG by beating another agent chosen by Hudson in a legally binding duel." Jones calmly explains in his gruff and stern voice. Mick looks taken aback ever since Jones called him Michael but he calms himself, Dan looks concerned at Mick.

"Father, can i speak my mind?" Dan asks.

"You may, Daniel." Jones responds.

"You need to lay off Hudson and COG. Hudson's a good guy, he's worked for you since i was born, hell you put him in the position he's in now. You don't need to micromanage him." Dan explains. Jones stares at him and sighs.

"Hudson is a pragmatist with a militia of the strongest people in the Mystic world under his command. If he sees fit, there's no reason why he couldn't just overthrow the democratic system that our family has been fighting to keep for over 400 years. Daniel, if you have any concern at all for the future of Salem, I'd follow my commands and know your place. Do you understand, son?" Jones says.

"Yes father." Dan responds, cowed.

"And you, Michael?" Jones asks.

"Yeah...I copy." Mick says. Jones glares at him and Mick glares back, a perceived slight won't stand though Jones will let it go for now.

"Good. The Duel is scheduled 2 weeks from now for when your new compound is finished. I'd recommend training for it and investigating the arena and Gas Mask for any tricks Hudson may use to cheat." Jones tells them, they nod.

"You're free to go." He says as Dan gets up and bows before leaving, Mick gets up and just walks out after him. As they leave through the giant door, Mick turns to Dan's solemn face.

"Wanna grab that Pizza?" Mick asks, Dan turns to him and shrugs.

"Yeah sure, why not." Dan responds.

Mick and Dan sit at a table at Tubby's, it's mid-day with the sun high in the sky. Both of them are waiting for their pizza. There's a silence until Mick turns to Dan to speak.

"You know, my Dad once took me to the Citadel." Mick says. Dan looks at him, confused.

"The Citadel is this big city in a giant structure right? It was a flying city where the Royal Family lived along with the richest people in the Capital." He continues.

"Why are you telling me this?" Dan asks.

"Well, he took me to the peak of the Citadel, the Perch we called it, it was the highest peak on all of Gen, even surpassed any mountain we had. When he did this, my Dad looked me dead in the eye and told me that i was a disappointment and a failure right now. He told me i was reckless, disobedient, rude and didn't deserve to be called his son. That's when he picked me up and threw me off the perch, i had to use my powers to grab onto a drain." Mick elaborated, getting more and more subtly angry as he went on.

"My Dad was a total dick, he constantly did shit like that to try and get me killed. If i died then, oh well, he's got a 2nd son to work on, if i survived then it was proof i was getting stronger. My Dad made weapons for the war and he saw me as the ultimate weapon, he always talked about how he would 'mould me like hot iron in a forge'." Mick told Dan.

"A proper piece of work." Dan responded.

"Tell me about it." Mick told him.

"My Dad's not that bad, just a control freak. The Peterson's have been in Salem since it founded, he just doesn't want me to be the one who screwed up everything. He wants me to prove my heritage, prove i'm a Peterson. I mean i'm trying, but it takes time, you know?" Dan tells Mick.

"I think you'll get there, you're a good dude." Mick tells him, Dan seems a little caught off guard by the comment.

"Didn't think you were the type to give compliments." Dan responds, Mick smiles.

"I don't say things that aren't true." He responds, he takes a bite of his pizza before continuing.

"My Dad has the same ideas about legacy. We weren't nobles or anything but we had ancient lines to before the Union." Mick says through the chewing, he swallows.

"But we'll bury them both in history." Mick finishes with, lifting his glass of Coke for a toast, Dan obliges with his glass of Water. A clink, a chug and a slam.

"You're fully on board now?" Dan asks.

"Yep, lookin' forward to it!" Mick responds.

"Big change of heart today, you're a different guy than the dude threatening my life to find his brother." Dan tells him, Mick smiles.

"That's cause i found him." Mick smiles.

"Congrats." Dan retorts.

"I found something else too, it's a suprise to be sure but a welcome one."

"And what is it?"

"I've got 2 brothers."

[laalaaisqueen]

Rewrite of the Cure AU-Chapter 10: Snowy Troubles

“We have another distress signal.” A pink Teletubby was typing away on the communication device.

“Do we have to send another team out?” Richard peeked over though he didn’t understand anything that was showing on the screens.

“Can you just sit down and wait for more details?” Lenny threw a sarcastic comment in the Captain’s direction much to Guardian’s surprise.

However Richard actually did sit down at the table across the room.

“Are there any messages?”

“No.”

“What is the source of the signal?”

The tall pink tubby adjusts her headphones and presses more keys in a fast pace.

“It seems to be coming from a fortress.”

Lenny shakes his head. “There is literally no way any computer is in a fortress of all things, no one is being sent into a possible death trap.”

Guardian turns his body when he hears someone walk into the room, the baby in his hoodie copied his action but only with his head.

It was Unit, looking irritated as always.

Where is… He paused in his signing, seeing Richard at the table. He walks up to the red captain who tilted his head.

Guardian of course wasn’t aware the half robot was exasperatedly signing to Richard about the monster in the mountains.

He didn’t even know Lenny was also watching until he spoke.

“What do you mean you were sent to kill him?”

Everyone in the room froze at the cold tone of his voice. Guardian covers the baby’s ears, you know, just in case.

He couldn’t really tell if Lenny was upset or angry. Maybe something very close to anger.

Unit seemed to be moving his fingers in a panic. The equivalent of a voice stuttering out of fear.

Lenny continued to glare hot daggers at Unit but he didn’t say anything else to him, instead pulled out his phone.

“Leopard, we’re going to be bringing a bit of the cure to the mountains.”

“Why? Is there a monster there?”

“...sure.”

“Why do you sound so huffy about it? You were just fine about the spider tubby.”

“Because the sword robot called tiny a ‘monster’.”

Unit stared baffled at Lenny’s back. He didn’t need to sign anything, Guardian could guess what was going on in his head.

Why did he say monster like that?

“Won’t we freeze to death?”

“We’ll just inject our wrists with a chemical that’ll prevent any sort of harm to the body.”

“Anything else?”

“Grab Cricket’s leftover ribs from the fridge.’

“Why am I risking death for ribs?”

“In case he’s not willing to drink the cure.”

“Alrighty.”

Lenny hangs up and adjusts his lab coat before leaving the room without another word.

Anne meet at helicopter you’re the most efficient driver we’re flying to the Mountains.

Tisa raises an eyebrow at the almost vibrating Teletubby. “How did you get here so fast?”

“Saw the four words and I ran as fast as I could.”

“...Didn’t you read the rest of it?” Lenny pulls out the syringe from his pocket.

“...What’s that for?” Anne’s smile falters.

He hands it to Tisa. “I’m never going to hear the end of it if you happen to freeze to death.”

The black Tele approaches while Anne looks baffled.

“If you had read the whole text, you would have known we are going to the Mountains, you need this chemical in your bloodstream to keep your body warm.”

“Ah. Makes sense.” She pulls down her jacket sleeve.

And clenches her teeth at the following pain.

“...Wait, are you holding Finn’s leftover ribs?” She finally noticed the container that Tisa had passed to Lenny. “Are you suicidal?”

“We need them since it’s the only cooked meat we have at the moment.” Lenny steps into the helicopter. “Now let’s hurry, I don’t know if I trust the Snowball to be on his own for long.”

Anne pouts, folding her arms. Maybe she should have read the full text, if she had, she would have put on like five jackets.

“We should be back soon.” Lenny ties the lower parts of his coat around his waist so it wouldn’t be dragging in the snow.

“What if you’re dead? What do I do then?”

He scoffs. “I will not allow that to become an outcome.”

Tisa already wanted to leave, the snowflakes trying to glue themselves to her lashes. She couldn’t even wipe her face because of the container she’s carrying. They had poured the clear liquid onto the ribs. She wasn’t even sure how they would find this creature.

Lenny scan over the snow, the purple light almost acting as spotlights. He wouldn’t say why his eyes glowed like that. He hesitatingly begins walking in a direction much to her confusion.

It’s not like Lenny was afraid of encountering the beast.

It felt like ages until she saw something dark and big pacing back and forth. Until the purple lights landed on it.

It turned towards them so suddenly, Tisa almost ran away. She wanted to, worried it would kill them both. It had a familiar mask on.

Familiar because she vaguely recognized the mask from a picture Lenny showed to her the first day she came to the base. (Apparently it was to test something, he didn’t seem to care at all about her criminal record. She still doesn’t know how she passed the ‘test’.)

He never specified about the kids names were, but basically every single person who works at the base knows what he calls them. The Tiny one had this mask halfway on his face.

Obviously he wasn’t tiny anymore but the mask and hairstyle were similar. But Lenny had implied the three kids in the picture were dead.

“Tisa.”

The sound of her actual name makes her flinch back into reality, she almost panicked seeing the feral looking male slowly inching towards them. Lenny must had been trying to get her attention.

She opens the container and he pauses, somehow smelling the ribs despite them being anything but warm. She shoves the plastic into Lenny’s hands, praying that he wouldn’t decide to eat the two warm Teletubbies over the cold meat.

Then he did something that for once horrified her.

He tossed it at the towering Tubby, luckily he desperately caught it and began tearing into the ribs.

“Lenny what the hell?! He could have dropped the whole thing in the snow!”

Lenny just shrugs with a breathy noise before covering his ears.

That’s only when Tisa remembered Po’s reaction to the cure. She was unsure and a bit paranoid when nothing seemed to be happening to his body.

He suddenly felt like someone punched him in the ribs. He dropped the box and held a large hand to his chest. Then again and he felt himself fall onto the snow. He desperately pulls the mask back down to muffle a pained scream.

“Shit, fuck, I’m so sorry.” A vaguely familiar voice cut through the painful panic.

“Shit, fuck, I’m so sorry!” Lenny had been trying to get the new shock collars off of them but ended up shocking them both.

Yeti slowly pulled up his mask, his hands feeling smaller, and almost was blinded by a purple light.

“Shit. Sorry, too close.” He hears the person push himself on his feet, getting out of the kneeling position he had most likely been in.

He looks up again when his eyes don’t hurt as much and nearly had a heart attack seeing a tall Teletubby with a white lab coat. Until he slowly realized he vaguely recognized his eyes.

He wasn’t wearing glasses and his hair was shorter than he remembered, but he clearly remembers his expressive eyes, just as clear as...Lucky...practically screaming at Lenny. Yeti shakes his head free of that memory.

“So is he not going to eat us? Because I’m getting fucking cold.”

He only now notices the black Teletubby next to Lenny. He blankly stares at them, what the heck was going on with their whole chest? Rare genetic disease?

“And sir, control your weirdo kid, he’s staring at my chest.”

“..Apologies, you’re the first woman he’s seen.”

Yeti opens his mouth to reply with something when he’s suddenly blinded by the coat Lenny was wearing. “Gah!”

“Lenny are you insane? YOU might freeze to death.”

“He’s not wearing any clothes Tisa, and I have another one, you know that.”

...Yeah that’s right, his clothes had ripped when he grew bigger. The smell and warmth of the coat reminded him of something he’s been itching for who knows how long.

“Yeti wants french toast.” The dumbass robot didn’t even know what it is.

“That’s all you have to say?”

Yeti hears crunching of snow and probably the sound of boots walking. He stumbles onto his own boots in a panic, worried that he planned on leaving him here. It was a hassle since he had to lift the dragging parts of the coat so he wouldn’t trip or accidentally tear it.

If he wasn’t so focused on catching up to the taller male, he probably would have noticed the black fur woman’s cautious steps behind him.

“Couldn’t you have chose somewhere warmer to be a...whatever you were. It’s so cold here.” She grumbles behind.

“I...didn’t have a choice?” Are all women this weird?

“Don’t stress him out.” Lenny huffs.

Suddenly he stops making Yeti almost bump into him. He looks up and sees a...he swears he’s seen it in a book Lenny showed them once.

“Are you going to get on or just stare at it all night?”

“I will kill everyone in this helicopter if I die in this snow because of him.” The woman squints at both of them.

“Don’t do that! I still have zombies to shoot!” A new voice protests from inside the helicopter.

Yeti cautiously steps inside. “Where is this even going?”

“To the base.” The black woman slides into one of the seats, still squinting at him.

“...Base.” What did that even mean.

“There’s a kitchen there so you can get french toast from there.” Lenny sits in the seat next to her.

Yeti pauses before finally sitting down across from them. He silently watches as the snow and ice gets further away.

“...What happened to Lenny’s hair?”

He emits a confused noise before he realized what he meant. “Oh. I cut it.”

“Why?” Lenny had never showed dislike towards his tied back hair, so why cut it?

“...I’ll explain at a later date.”

Yeti huffed, slouching in his seat.

A sudden thought came to him, so suddenly that he straightened up. Mortified and guilty that it slipped his mind. He opens his mouth to ask, but remembered that Lenny probably didn’t know.

The indigo Teletubby sighs heavily. “I do not know where Cave and Arrow are currently.”

Yeti slumps for a different reason this time.

“We’ll figure that out after you get a blood test.”

He tenses up a bit. “Yeti doesn’t want to be poked with a needle.”

“Well if you want to turn into a flesh eating beast again, who am I to stop you?” Lenny shrugs a bit.

Yeti looks at his hands. “This isn’t permanent?”

“No, we need a sample of your blood so a medication can be made so you can stay in control.”

“Oh.” Yeti still didn’t want to be poked with a needle, but he also didn’t want to eat flesh again. Since he might end up trying to eat Lenny.

But to be honest he wouldn’t feel bad if he ate the woman. Seriously, their chest is so weird.

“Yeti.”

Startled, he looks at Lenny’s sudden stern expression. “What?”

“It’s rude to stare.”

“But they’re weird.”

“It’s offensive to a woman.”

[askfoxythejokerfox]

FNAF OC Ghostbusters Crossover

*both Foxy The Joker and Springtrap get suited up as Foxy The Joker zips up her suit she decides to zip it back down a little to show her breasts off a little to try to look sexy (lol) as she puts on a necklace that says "I ain't afraid of no ghosts" on as Springtrap puts on his proton pack Foxy The Joker takes her hook off and puts on a plasma cannon onto her hook and connects it to the hose to the proton pack as they both head to Willy's Wonderland Pizzeria as some epic rock music plays in the background*

*Foxy The joker and Springtrap and smile softly as they both nod*

Foxy The Joker: let's do this shit! *epic rock music plays in the background as Foxy The Joker tries to kick the door in trying to act like a bad ass but fails as there was a loud CLANG! noise as the epic rock music stops and Foxy The Joker yells* SHIT!! ahhh....*rubs her leg in pain* thought the fuckers kept the fucking doors open! ahh...*still groaning slightly in pain* it's NOTHING like they do in the movies!

Springtrap: *opens the door* um because they kept the doors unlocked babe...

Foxy The Joker: o-oh! heh...I knew that! heh...just wanted to look like a badass in front of my boyfriend heh *smirks and blushes*

Springtrap: *laughs softly and kisses him softly* of course your a badass love...

Foxy The Joker: *giggles and nuzzles him softly* I love you so much babe....lets do this and end this shit with these fuckers trying to copy our business...

*after a few hours they both finally captured all of the other animatronics successfully trapping them all except for Willy Weasel Foxy The Joker looks around nervously with the P.K.E Meter*

Foxy The Joker: huh...wonder were the other asshole went...hmm...

Springtrap: *looks up and and freezes In terror*

Foxy The Joker: hmm? what's wrong honey?

Springtrap: u-um...h-hes...*gulps nervously as his face turned pale white*

Foxy The Joker: *sighs* he's right behind me isn't he?

Springtrap: *nods nervously*

Foxy The Joker: ok on the count of 3...1...2...3!! *turns around with the P.K.E. Meter she zaps Willy using the pulse upgrade on the P.K.E. meter as it groans in pain she turns on the plasma canon on her hook and Zaps him as the animatronic body Willy was possessing started to slowly break apart catching on fire as she successfully pulled out the killer's spirit from the suit*

Foxy The Joker: BABE! THE TRAP! NOW!!

Springtrap: ON IT!! *he throws the trap twords Foxy The Joker*

Foxy The Joker: *stops on the peddle as the trap opens up but Willy wasn't going down without a fight as he was trying to break free of the stasis stream* GOD DAMMIT! BABE THIS FUCKER IS TRYING TO BREAK FREE OF THE STREAM!!!

Springtrap: ON IT! *activates his neutrona wand and fires another stream onto Willy successfully forging a teacher on him*

Foxy The Joker: THERE WE GO! HAHA! COME ON TUBBY! YA COMING HOME WITH ME TO THE LAB!! *smirks as she steps on the peddle again opening the trap as Willy was desperately trying to break free from the teachers but fails as he was successfully sucked into the trap as Foxy The Joker stops on the peddle again closing the trap successfully trapping all of the killers souls into the trap*

Foxy The Joker: *pants softly* heh...wow!...this sunva bitch put one helluva fight heh...let's get these fuckers back to the contaminant unit back in Freddy's...at least now these fuckers can't ever hurt a living soul again...besides it's my job here in Gotham to kill the criminals not there's...

[bemacmom]

Our Newborn Must Haves

As a new mom (trying to always get the best deal and not overspend), I feel it is my duty to share the products that we are ACTUALLY USING in this postpartum season. Keep in mind that every baby is different and while these products work for us, some babies may not love them as much.

Boba Bliss Hybrid Carrier. Like i said, every baby is different, just like every person is different. However, it is generally true that almost all babies love to be worn by their mothers. Babywearing helps me get things done around the house and makes grocery shopping/doing anything outside of the house a breeze. It also eliminates the need for a stroller (in most cases). This particular carrier gives the structure and support of a traditional carrier but has the comfort and stretchiness of a wrap. It is my absolute favorite and the number one purchase I would recommend to all new moms.

Aquaphor baby ointment. Our Aquaphor ointment has saved our newborn's bum from diaper rash. We use it precautionarily, so it reduces the need for the Desitin diaper rash cream.

Desitin diaper rash cream (maximum strength). It can be messy, and a lot goes a long way, but this cream worked so well for our newborn's diaper rash.

Tubby Todd all over ointment. Since we're talking ointments, this has to be included. It is common for some newborns to get acne/rashes that are the result of their mothers' leftover hormones. A lot of the time, these rashes will go away on their own. I waited as long as I could for my newborn's acne to disappear on its own, but it just wasn't going away. I bought this ointment after reading all the rave reviews about it, and it worked for us after just one day of use. This ointment can be used for almost any dermatological issue, but it's a bit pricey so I would suggest only buying it if you need it.

Snuggle Me Organic Infant Lounger. A. Game. Changer. Our baby LOVES this thing. It hugs her body so she is comfortable while she's in it and it is so easy to transport around the house when we need to set her down for little moments. Staying home with her by myself became so much easier once I started using this thing. It isn't meant for sleeping, but it's the only thing our baby will sleep in.

Rocking chair. Literally any type of chair that rocks. It is a lifesaver when our baby is fussy.

Diaper bag. Okay, obviously a diaper bag is a must. BUT you can absolutely ditch those large, space-consuming backpack/tote bags and don a mid-size sling bag or crossbody. I use the ORI London Willesden sling bag. It is convenient to use and holds just the necessities, so you aren't weighing yourself down with a bunch of stuff you don't actually need. I can talk about what we put in our diaper bag in a separate post.

Newborn clothes. When I had my daughter we had exactly ONE newborn outfit on hand because I was convinced that she would come out already fitting in 0-3 month outfits. Everyone always tells you that you shouldn't buy newborn things because you won't need them. Well, we did. And we needed a lot of them. Diapers, too. Her birth weight was just at 7 pounds and she ended up weighing almost a whole pound less when we left the hospital, which we were not prepared for. So, I would suggest buying a couple extra newborn outfits just to be on the safe side. Target and Amazon have some great zipper footies, which are the KING of all baby clothes.

Baby blankets. This one is surprisingly controversial. Not everyone feels the need to stock up on baby blankets, but blankets were a must for me. We live in the northwest region of the United States, so it gets pretty cold. And I had my daughter in November. We used every kind of blanket for every kind of activity: car rides, hanging around the house, to cover her while carrying her. We keep one in the car. We keep one on the sofa. We keep one in the diaper bag. We keep one pretty much everywhere she goes inside or outside the house. Sometimes being wrapped in a blanket is the only way she will fall asleep, so they are absolutely essential and easily accessible around here.

Diaper cart. Those late night feeds and diaper changes are already tough. Do yourself a favor and get a diaper cart. I bought the three-tiered plastic utility cart from Target for $15 and it's the best thing I could've done for my postpartum self. I have all the essentials: diapers, wipes, lotions, ointments, nursing supplies, books, toys, and everything I could possibly need in a pinch in the middle of the night to smoothly and efficiently care for my babe. It's a game changer.

Hatch. The Hatch is another purchase I'm glad I don't have to live without. It is the perfect nightlight for quick bedtime changes, and has really helped our baby sleep peacefully through the night. And it "grows" with your baby. There are settings that can be used for every stage of life. Even my husband and I plan to get one for ourselves once baby girl moves out of our room. I recommend this product to anyone and everyone.

Resources. Lastly, I want to suggest all new moms curate a list of resources for anything from breastfeeding support to postpartum depression. Know what to look for, know who to talk to, and give yourself the confidence and surety to be honest and open with your care team, friends, and family. It's hard out here, but it doesn't have to be hard alone.

[grantgoddard]

Don’t play that song for me : 2004 : unusual FM radio formats, Phnom Penh

Here in Phnom Penh, there are seventeen radio stations on the FM dial, even though Cambodia’s capital city has a population of less than a million. But you are more likely to hear a song by Britney Spears or Madonna on the 'BBC World Service' (100 FM here) than on any of the local FM stations. Only one, 'Love FM' 97.5, plays Western music and its playlist stretches solely from the obscure ('Pretty Boy' seems to be the most requested song) to the bizarre (New Kids On The Block?). The rest of the local stations play exclusively Cambodian music. It’s radio, Jim, but not as we know it. Several hundred hours of radio listening suggest two Cambodian programme formats that could be adopted in the West:

KARAOKE CALL-IN RADIO

Most stations in Phnom Penh have a daily show or two of karaoke call-in. Each station employs a pair of singers (one male, one female) who sit in the radio studio with a standard karaoke CD machine plugged into the mixing desk. Listeners call in to a mobile phone number which is also routed to the desk. Most stations have no Telephone Balance Units or 'clean feed' system, so callers can only hear the presenter by keeping the volume of their radio turned up, which leads to howling feedback (considered normal here) during every call. Stations with Optimod-style audio processing suffer ever worse feedback loops.

There is no pre-screening of callers. There is no delay system. You hear the mobile phone ring in the studio. The presenters answer the phone on-air, ask the caller’s name, where they are calling from, and the song they wish to sing. While one presenter finds and cues the appropriate karaoke CD, the other chats amiably with the caller about the reasons they have chosen the particular song. The song starts, one of seemingly hundreds of Cambodian love songs that are all male/female duets. If the caller is female, the station singer sings the male verses, and prompts the caller to sing the female verses. If the caller is male, the reverse applies.

The karaoke machine adds echo to the singer’s voice. It is no exaggeration to say that most callers have no sense of either melody or rhythm. The majority are absolutely appalling singers and seem to have no sense of shame exhibiting their complete lack of ability on-air. Conversely, all the radio station singers are excellent, not only at singing but also at treating every caller with dignity and respect. Each caller is allowed to complete their selected song, despite their obvious lack of talent, the howling feedback and the poor-quality audio (most callers use analogue mobile phones). At the end of the song, the presenters thank the caller and, as soon as they end one call, you hear the mobile phone ring again, and they move immediately to the next caller.

Because there is no pre-screening, some callers inevitably are put directly on-air who want a different radio programme, a different radio station, or the local pizza delivery service. The presenters treat even the mistaken callers with the same respect. Each karaoke show continues in this fashion for several hours, punctuated only by batches of hideous commercials, each lasting two minutes and using more voice echo than the average King Tubby dub plate. At the end of the show, the two station singers get to sing a song together, without the humiliation of having to duet with an out-of-tune, out-of-sync caller bathed in feedback.

GRIEVANCE DROP-IN RADIO

In a country where the legal system rarely delivers results that resemble natural justice, the majority of the population look elsewhere for ways to resolve their problems. What better medium than a radio station? At the same time, in a country where the news agenda is dominated by ruling politicians’ pre-occupations, what content can journalists safely use to fill time in their news bulletins? The answer for both the people and the journalists is to air relatively minor grievances from the population that in no way threaten the government’s rule.

For state radio, this means sending journalists to distant provinces to interview farmers about agricultural problems or minor disputes with their neighbours. The results are passed off on-air as 'news'. Imagine if 'You & Yours' replaced the 'Today' programme on 'BBC Radio Four'. In Phnom Penh, where hard-pressed commercial radio stations can barely afford to employ journalists, some stations sympathetic to opposition parties operate an open-lobby system. Citizens who have grievances to air simply turn up at the radio station, their complaint is recorded, and then broadcast unedited and without context. The results are startling for a Westerner accustomed to hearing only carefully produced 'packages' of balanced opinions or only short sound bites of real people’s voices emanating from cosy UK radio stations.

This week I heard a woman sobbing and moaning her way through an unedited ten-minute monologue, explaining how her husband had allegedly been abducted by a criminal gang and disappeared. Last week, on another station, I heard a widow sobbing uncontrollably and threatening to set fire to herself and her children because ownership of the radio station belonging to her dead husband had just been awarded to another man by the municipal court. Both broadcasts moved me to tears, despite being in a language I cannot understand. Why? Because I cannot remember hearing such raw emotion spilling out of my radio set (except in drama) for a very long time.

The majority of our phone-in shows have become carefully packaged entertainment while our grievances seem trivial compared to the tribulations suffered by people here. Because the majority in Cambodia still have no access to a telephone, the radio station drop-in provides an important forum for aggrieved citizens to voice their anger and emotion. Listening to these raw, unedited voices has reminded me of the potential emotional power embodied in the radio medium, and the need for programme producers back home to play less safe, allowing more real voices on the radio that can move listeners to tears.

After several more months on this diet of karaoke and tear-jerking stories, I anticipate that my return home to a menu of 'BBC Radio One' and 'Capital FM' will quickly reveal such 'professional' stations to be wearing the Emperor’s New Clothes. All faux excitement and faux dialogue with listeners, but nary a raw emotion in sight … or sound.

[First published in 'The Radio Magazine', May 2004]