#tsp tape man

[aiberrya]

Guys hear me out... hear me out... TimeTape.

[the-friendliest-freak]

TSPUD Theory: Tape Guy is The Bucket.

Ok first things first credit to @willvlogman who suggested this in a comment on some art I did a couple months ago, that concept has since been haunting me so I decided to go through the game and find some evidence.

Second things second I am very tired and I just wanted to get all this out there so sorry if this is poorly written

Not once in Tape Guy’s log does he mention The Bucket talking to him. Not once. He mentions the comforting aura, but he does not mention The Bucket speaking to him.

We know for a fact that this Bucket just has comforting properties, The Curator says that this specific bucket is special, likely due to those properties. The fact that the Bucket can talk and the fact that it can comfort don’t seem to be connected.

Tape Guy knows who Gambhorra'ta is, and more importantly Gambhorra'ta knew where Tape Guy was. He only decided to monetise the bucket a few seconds before he was found, meaning Gambhorra'ta was likely looking for him before then - and the Bucket itself mentions that it had ended up in trouble with Gambhorra'ta due to stealing an amulet.

The accent The Narrator puts on when talking as The Bucket does occasionally sound a lot like Tape Guy’s, granted this is mostly because both of them are British, but Tape Guy has a distinct regional accent which The Narrator usually lacks, unless he’s speaking in the voice of The Bucket, in which the accent is noticeable in certain words

[numberonesnarkfan]

I can't tell whether to be proud of or disappointed in this, BUT, here's a Tape piece.

[shinakazami1]

TapeMan theory (TSP ramble)

Quick ramble before sleep

In the original Tape Ending, the discussion of the nature of the Narrator is brought in. He says that it's ridiculous we would find him to be just a recording but then...Why is he still in the game post-epilogue?

In my opinion, where TSP shines most is ambiguity. The main source of the information we get is from a man who constantly shows that the game doesn't quite care about.

But - this is supposed to be about the TapeMan, right? Why am I talking about this? You will see in a sec.

One of the important details is that the tape recorder is hidden behind a vent. And you know what else is hidden behind it?

That's right - The Memory Zone. Narrator's safe spot from everybody else but also, his subconsciousness. A storage of good memories.

The Tape too, is in a hidden part of a warehouse, nicely paralleling the Memory Zone. For a moment, let's go to the Bucket - a symbol of confidence, progress and comfort. But also, of madness and obsession. It changes people's psyche - or, more likely, enhances some parts.

TapeMan character shows something we see often in the game:

1) Loss of time concept - on one hand, he says what day it is and we even get the tape number but when we look more into his dialogue, it's visible the time passage is becoming a foreign thing.

2) The need to keep having it with him but also to monetize it - just like the people at the New Content presentation, or Narry with the 3rd swimming pool. But it's THE Bucket - even if there is a replacement one, this single one holds all the power. Interesting.

3) He knows who Gambhorra'ta is. They got only mentioned in the Out Of Bounds, this ending and the Bucket Museum but I will try to not retour too much here - WHY and how would Tape know about a supposed evil wizard from a war a long time ago?

My main headcanon is that - TapeMan is a character, just like the Wife that Narrator is playing.

Think about it - 295 days is less than a year. But in the Parable universe, time is weird and the only real passage we get is Countdown and... the Skip Button. I have my own headcanons as to what happened during the latter but for now, I will spare those details.

However - a detail I will discuss is the name of the tape.

Evidence #252.

TapeMan says it's "tape number", not evidence. And while it's a small nitpick - I think it's an important one. Because between the days and tape numbers, we are missing around 40 days. It's plausible that he first found the Bucket and only later realised that something was up. But also - it is possible that someone else named this tape.

You have to remember that the tape recorder is the same and it still says Narrator on it. For me - the day, while showing that the maddening process took time - it's supposed to also be like "Hey wait a minute, there is time in here???".

Sure - the Narrator himself knows when the first game got released but the passage of time is very wonky in the place. So - for it to be the first thing, to mimic a typical recording...huh. Isn't that something the Narrator already did in a normal version of the ending?

Tapeman to the Narrator is a commentary on how something so cherished gets taken and how greed consumes people. The Bucket here can symbolise many things but here, it might be his game. And that sickening madness, waiting for the Player to come back is what TapeMan might be.

Or maybe it's just another recording. Or it's a man losing his mind over an everyday object that somebody poured their whole heart and being into.

But who am I to judge.

[give-soup-please]

doing the 430 door achievement followed by sitting in the broom closet so the narrator can experience the ecstasies and the agonies

[adubiouslittlecreature]

I Can Say It, You're My Favorite - A Stanley Parable Oneshot

I was rambling to @beanthespleen about TSP and after some brainstorming, she came up with the idea of the Narrator sitting at his desk and making little plushies of Stanley. Then my brain rot rotted :) And then she held me at gun point to post this so here we are! I hope y'all enjoy this lil blurb I wrote ^^ (This is Baby's First oneshot/fic related post so apologies for formatting)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"... And Stanley was happy."

With a look to the sky, a fade to white, a final stitch sewn, it was over. The Narrator tied a secure knot of thread before snipping off the excess, and inspected his handiwork. Held up against the white glowing background of his monitors was a plush Stanley, staring blankly at the Narrator. It was virtually a one to one copy of the man but in marketable plushy form, down to the correctly colored embroidered irises.

The Narrator smiled at him warmly as he checked his flannel was buttoned in the correct spots and his minky hair was sitting just right on his head. These types of mini-Stanelys were a particular favorite of his. As if someone pulled the description of him straight from his notes—no, straight from his head—and made him exactly as he should be. He had all the time he needed to finish making it when Stanley went through the true ending; No extra time to go back and redo his work in a futile attempt for perfection, and not too short to make him hurriedly finish up before the loading screen would send Stanley back to the beginning.

The monitors began to flash images of Stanley's most recent run, but showed them in reverse. The tape rolled back and back, setting everything back into place for the next run. The Narrator sighed in contentment as he stood up from his seat to place the new plush on a shelf directly above his workspace. The mini-Stanley slunk back and leaned against a nearly identical plush. It blended perfectly with the rest of the plushies next to it, all from previous true endings

He looked on at his handiwork with pride before getting himself settled once more. Notes at the ready on his right, his sewing materials organized on his left, his microphone fixed directly in front of his face. The stage was set and Stanley was sitting in front of his own desk on the monitors, unknowingly waiting for the Narrator to set everything in motion.

The Narrator cleared his throat as he took hold of some fabric and scissors, snipping it without needing any guide. It came as naturally as breathing, he knew the shape of his creations better than the back of his hand.

"This is the story of a man named Stanley."

[networkunsupported]

got thinking abt my tsp swap au and. im too attached now. witness my random notebook scribbles and despair

the curator as a timekeeper and the timekeeper as. a very nice normal human man running a very nice normal museum oh yes

mariella driver, the unwilling protagonist of all of this (feat. the comforting presence of her companion, the handheld radio)

and tape guy! and by 'tape guy' i mean 'dude that got fucked over by a wizard so bad he ended up becoming a being from beyond this plane of existence etc etc etc' the resident narrator<3

[the-friendliest-freak]

Okay. This is a topic I’m extremely normal about (lying).

Loneliness is a theme in all of the TSP games, but it actually evolves throughout each of them.

The first game, the Half-Life 2 mod, is by far the loneliest of them all. There’s just Stanley, The Narrator, Mariella and The Curator. The halls are cramped, narrow, and dimly lit.

The HL2 Mod is a house that’s no longer a home, musty and claustrophobic. It’s more isolation than loneliness.

The second, the TSP demo, is less so. There’s evidence that people were here - papers on the floor, a spilled mug, etc. . But the loneliness is less suffocating because The Narrator is constantly trying to show you these cool new gameplay mechanics (in my mind he’s trying to distract himself from the fact that everyone has gone missing) and is taking you through so many different locations and giving you so many things to do.

The Demo is when you were a kid on a school trip to a museum or expo, and you got separated from the group.

The 2013 HD Remaster is a soft, looming loneliness - the documents left strewn about, the mugs left on desks, computers left open; people were here not too long ago. You get a couple phone calls from your wife, too. In this game, we have Stanley, The Narrator, Mariella, The Curator, Stanley’s Wife, the second Stanley and the Line™️ - there’s also evidence that 432 is still up and about, as a box labelled for them disappears after you leave the phone room in the Not Stanley Ending. Far more populated, yes, but only limited to certain endings and paths you can take.

(Also, to answer your question, it’s confirmed in a Reddit AMA: that’s another Stanley, but he considers you to be the “other Stanley”.)

The 2013 HD Remaster is arriving at an event several hours too late.

TSPUD, when I first played it, blew me away, and continues to do so, because unlike the previous games…it’s so alive.

You walk into the Memory Zone for the first time, and there’s birds. Fucking birds! Real animals! Do you have any idea how much that shocked me? In the Elevator Ending, there’s a rat on one of the chairs.

The reviews in the Skip Button Ending, Settings Person greeting you every time you boot up the game, the Bucket Tape Ending, the man that follows you, the second Stanley, the notes you get from your loved ones in the elevator ending (from Stanley’s wife, from his coworkers, you even get a drawing made by Stanley’s child!), the voice that promotes TSPUD in the New Content Ending, the child variant of the previous one, the voice that sings the Good Job, You Made It To The Bottom Of The Mind Control Facility, Well Done song, the chanting behind the mural in the Bucket Museum Ending, the cars zooming by in the release trailer…

It’s full of life!

It’s just beyond a wall, or a door. But it’s there. And whoever’s just beyond that wall loves you.

TSPUD is when you fall asleep at a party as a child, and you’re carried to your bedroom, and you can hear the muffled sounds of the party continuing on downstairs. It’s still there.

It’s just beyond that door.

thing about the stanley parable

the game is determined not to show you another living creature. you never see the narrator’s face. he laughs at you when you see that your wife is a lifeless mannequin. the crowds in the 3 ending are faceless. ‘mariella’ is an unmoving character model in an ending that you can’t interact with. all your friends are inanimate objects that the narrator is determined to personify.

it creates an amazing feeling of loneliness. my goal, when playing this game, became not to find the ‘true’ ending or break the game, but to find someone living, someone real, someone that isnt a bucket that the narrator speaks for to make this world less lonely.

the only time you do see someone else, a moving person, then, is the rare occasion in which you can see someone walking past one of the office windows. and it’s just stanley’s character model, and you don’t get to interact with them. you get to watch them disappear.

this did not quell my loneliness. it gave me UTTER FEAR. what does this mean? are timelines converging? does this represent the endless cycle, the ‘we’ve been here before’ of it all? does the narrator have another stanley? or, more likely, is it something that he, or the game’s creators, threw in to taunt us? you want someone to talk to, here’s a glimpse, and it’ll only give you more questions. there is no comfort, there is no closure. only a glimpse of something. it is unattainable and it is terrifying. stanley is alone. stanley is alone.

[nothing2feels3real4anymore]

Feeling the same Annon. Something off.

ℍ𝕖𝕣𝕖, 𝕤𝕒𝕪 𝕤𝕠𝕞𝕖𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘.

𝓦𝓲𝓵𝓵- 𝓦𝓲𝓵𝓵 𝓲𝓽 𝓼𝓽𝓲𝓵𝓵 𝓫𝓮 𝓱𝓮𝓻𝓮 𝔀𝓱𝓮𝓷 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓰𝓪𝓶𝓮 𝓻𝓮𝓼𝓮𝓽𝓼?

…𝕀 𝕕𝕦𝕟𝕟𝕠. 𝕁𝕦𝕤𝕥…𝕛𝕦𝕤𝕥 𝕤𝕒𝕪 𝕒𝕟𝕪𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘, 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕞𝕒𝕪𝕓𝕖 𝕚𝕥’𝕝𝕝 𝕛𝕠𝕘 𝕞𝕪 𝕞𝕖𝕞𝕠𝕣����, 𝕚𝕗 𝕚𝕥’𝕤 𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕝𝕝 𝕙𝕖𝕣𝕖.

𝓤𝓱𝓶, 𝓪𝓵𝓻𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽- 𝓱𝓮𝓵𝓵𝓸, 𝓒𝓱𝓻𝓲𝓼, 𝓘’𝓶- 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓭𝓸𝓷’𝓽 𝓴𝓷𝓸𝔀 𝓶𝓮, 𝓫𝓾𝓽 𝓘’𝓶 𝓪 𝓯𝓻𝓲𝓮𝓷𝓭. 𝓘 𝓭𝓸𝓷’𝓽 𝓶𝓮𝓪𝓷 𝓽𝓸 𝓱𝓾𝓻𝓽 𝔂𝓸𝓾, 𝓲𝓯 𝓽𝓱𝓪𝓽 𝓱𝓪𝓼 𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓹𝓮𝓷𝓮𝓭. 𝓘𝓯 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓭𝓸 𝓻𝓮𝓶𝓮𝓶𝓫𝓮𝓻 𝓶𝓮, 𝓯𝓸𝓻 𝓶𝓮, 𝓽𝓱𝓮𝓷…

…𝓘’𝓶 𝓼𝓸𝓻𝓻𝔂.

[sometimes-sleeby-octopus]

I posted 5,651 times in 2022

That's 4,649 more posts than 2021!

85 posts created (2%)

5,566 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@hebbic

@looney-mooney

@yepiamthesmileyface

@grim-ghastly

@the-town-fool

I tagged 524 of my posts in 2022

#my art - 49 posts

#dhmis - 47 posts

#the stanley parable - 43 posts

#art - 29 posts

#tsp - 26 posts

#tspud - 23 posts

#the stanley parable ultra deluxe - 21 posts

#stanarrator - 19 posts

#for later - 19 posts

#illustration - 17 posts

Longest Tag: 133 characters

#some may be like ‘oh he’s a cis dude so you must be cis’ but i will go ‘my pronouns are they/them and my gender is unknown even to i’

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Dhmis - FEELINGS (fan script)

Disclaimer: I am not British, sorry if that makes it weird

Content Includes: Violence and Extreme Anger that leads to violence

And so it begins:

(Like usual, a new version of the intro song plays)

There’s three of us!

There’s three of us!

Look closely and you’ll see

There’s three of us

Just three of us

It’s him and you and me

And everyday we all hang out

To find out what we talk about

Red: And I think I am remembering

Yellow: And it hurts my brain to…(singing stops) what?

Duck: Remembering? Remembering what?

Red: I dunno, I think it’s…all the things that have been happening to us.

Duck: What do you mean?

See the full post

38 notes - Posted November 3, 2022

#4

“The World Began Anew” (Stanley and the Narrator Have Feelings Pt. 3)

Warning/Notice: So cheesy, shorter, and it’s a slow burn ahead <3

The world began anew.

Stanley winced slightly. He had been taking a nap after falling asleep to the narrator’s calming whispers. He knew the narrator had his tapes, he knew he didn’t always forget, but he also knew that the narrator didn’t always remember and Stanley wasn’t sure the tapes would either. Should he keep hope? Would not having it hurt less?

His mind quieted once he realized the narrator was not speaking. Perhaps he remembered and skipped his intro! Or maybe Stanley had spaced out for so long that he had already finished. Or maybe-

“I remember.”

Stanley looked up at the ceiling, letting the hope seep into him.

“Stanley, I remember!” the Narrator shouted joyfully, laughing in relief, “I remember your dog and my body and our conversations and our past! I remember it all!”

Stanley jumped for joy while crying happily, “You remembered!”

As their laughter and excitement died down into a calm, yet giddy feeling, Stanley and the Narrator (indirectly) looked at each very fondly.

“Oh, I almost forgot about my body, dear boy! Let’s go fetch it so we can look at each other as I keep remembering!”

It was a very quick process with the help of the adventure line. Both Stanley and the Narrator felt at home as the Narrator drifted into his comfortable metal and embraced Stanley once again. The adventure line curled around both of them, and they stayed like for a nice while.

“This is lovely, my dear fellows, but if you would not mind, I’d like to have some more adventures!”

Stanley nodded and cheered, “Let’s go!”

===

“Okay, so we’ve tried finding everything already within the game on purpose, but what if we looked for holes?”

See the full post

38 notes - Posted May 30, 2022

#3

Bro I put most of the Stanley’s Parable intro into AI Dungeon to write fics and the latest one is fricking crazy because Stanley’s boss threatens to kill him if he doesn’t help him buy a fridge

53 notes - Posted May 26, 2022

#2

I got feminine hips but I ain’t afraid of eighth graders

67 notes - Posted January 27, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I got sucked into the Stanley x Narrator ship so I present to you: A falling in love fic collab with ai dungeon

Stanley and The Narrator Have Feelings

WARNING: Very cheesy, I was just having fun with it so yeah

This is the story of a man named Stanley. Stanley worked for a company in a big building where he was employee #427. Employee #427's job was simple: he sat at his desk in room 427 and he pushed buttons on a keyboard. Orders came to him through a monitor on his desk, telling him what buttons to push, how long to push them, and in what order. This is what employee 427 did every day of every month of every year, and although others might have considered it soul rending, Stanley relished every moment that the orders came in, as though he had been made exactly for this job. And Stanley was happy. And then one day, something very peculiar happened, something that would forever change Stanley, something he would never quite forget. He had been at his desk for nearly an hour when he realized that not one, single order had arrived on the monitor for him to follow. No one had shown up to give him instructions, call a meeting, or even say hi. Never in all his years at the company had this happened, this complete isolation. Something was very clearly wrong. Shocked, frozen solid, Stanley found himself unable to move for the longest time, but as he came to his wits and regained his senses, he got up from his desk and stepped out of his office. All of his co-workers were gone. What could it mean?

This is what Stanley had thought of around a month ago. He was now fully aware of his situation and in figuring it out, he got to know the Narrator. The Narrator was the one who had given the orders, who had told Stanley exactly what to do, when to do it, and in what order. Stanley didn't always obey, but that kept things interesting, when the Narrator ordered him around that was. Nowadays, Stanley and the Narrator decided on adventures together, as their fondness for each other had grown.

One day, the Narrator told Stanley that he had a surprise for him. "I have a delivery for you today," he said. "From a friend of mine." "The adventure line?" Stanley guessed with a smile. The narrator chuckled, "You've guessed it".

Stanley was led to a giant shipping container, just like the ones on the docks. The container was at least fifteen feet tall and as wide as a house. "Can I open it?" Stanley said excited. "I've never seen it opened!" The Narrator gave in and told Stanley he could open the container.

Stanley looked at the container with wonder. "How do you open it?" he asked. The Narrator laughed, as he had expected the question. "I made you a button," he told Stanley with a grin. Stanley fidgeted excited, awaiting the button.

A platform slid away on the ground and a pedestal rose up to Stanley's abdomen. A red button the size of Stanley's hand shone in the light of the storage room. Stanley looked up at the ceiling, as if waiting the narrator's permission.

"Don't wait up on me, dear boy! Go ahead," the Narrator said. And with that, Stanley gently slammed the button and the container opened. He was surprised to see a pile of boxes stacked at the top, but he was even more surprised when he opened one and saw a robot the size of a refrigerator inside. "He could keep us company!" Stanley exclaimed to the Narrator, "Or maybe you could posses him so we can do a hand shake!" The Narrator agreed and told Stanley to do whatever he wanted, as he always did.

Stanley looked at the robot for a moment and said, "I'll play with him later. For now, I need to find a power switch, or else..."

"Go ahead and move him around," the Narrator said, "I trust your judgement."The narrator would never admit it, but Stanley’s remark about the handshake had him thinking. Wouldn’t it be nice to meet Stanley’s eyes and hold his hands and sit beside him. He spoke up saying, “You can still do whatever you want, Stanley, but I would not be opposed to a handshake.” And once again, Stanley was surprised. "That's not a big deal, is it?"

"Oh no, not at all," the Narrator said. Stanley tried to contain his joy as the narrator possessed the robot. The narrator was much taller than him now, but he was not afraid. "Oh goodness," the narrator joked, "You still have to look up at me even now!" And with that he gave the robot a test run. It didn't move, and he laughed. Stanley pulled him towards him, giggling as well. Stanley thought the narrator’s hands were pleasantly cool and the narrator thought Stanley’s were pleasantly warm. “I like this,” Stanley whispered. The narrator nodded for the first time in his life. Stanley laughed with glee. As the narrator got used to his new body, he was also getting used to Stanley's touch. He needed help sometimes and Stanley was there for him. Despite being of metal, it made him feel warm inside. It's been so long since someone made him feel that way, he thought. He decided to test out a funny habit Stanley had: Pressing buttons.

He pressed the big red button from earlier. It gave him a type serotonin he never knew existed. He spammed the button saying, "I now understand why you like this, Stanley" he said. But then he pause, sulking a little bit. He apologized, "I'm sorry I made fun of you, Stanley."

Stanley looked up at him and his eyes appeared to soften. "I know," he said, "It wasn't very nice, was it?"

"It's quite all right," Stanley said, "It's good to have someone who can get a laugh out of me." The two of them laughed for a bit, until the narrator realized something. He blushed as he asked, "Can I give you a hug, Stanley?"

Stanley gave a shy little laugh, and the two of them embraced. The narrator felt his cheeks warm up. He was never this emotional, he thought. He pulled away and said, "Dear boy, I think I need to sit down. Too many feelings."

Stanley nodded in understanding, holding out his hand for the narrator to take. The narrator took it gently as they headed to the employee's lounge. The building had been empty for many years, but the couches were still comfortable, and the Narrator enjoyed the feeling of being able to sit.

Stanley sat down as well and hummed, content to simply be in the narrator's presence. The narrator felt nice, too. "I feel like something changed today, Stanley. I think I feel at home here," he said. Stanley thought about this for a moment and said, "Me too. It's kind of nice not having to talk to you through a ceiling." The narrator's lips turned up a bit at that and he reached over and took Stanley's hand. They sat like this for a few minutes, hand in hand.

"I want to tell you something, Stanley," the narrator said. He looked at Stanley's hand in his own and continued, "I really like you, dear boy. I'm glad I met you." The narrator continued to hold Stanley's hand, and a few tears rolled down his cheeks. "It is very nice to be able to like someone again." Stanley could do little other than smile at this. He let go of the narrator's hand for a minute and went to sit next to his dear friend, wiping the tears from the Narrator's eyes. Stanley rested his head on the Narrator's shoulder and hugged the narrator tightly. The narrator wrapped an arm around him as well and the two of them sat that way for a long time.

After a few minutes of silence, the Narrator said, "I would like nothing more than to stay with you, Stanley, forever."

Stanley chuckled lightly and nodded in understanding. "Me too." The narrator went quiet before mumbling shyly, "Stanley, you make me feel things. Good things but goodness, is it strange." Stanley laughed at that. "I've never had that happen before. It's nice." The narrator smiled at that.

"You make me feel things too, you know," Stanley said. "How would you describe how I make you feel?" The narrator asked. Stanley blushes and stuttered, "Well, humans call it love, it's kind of warm and it makes your heart beat fast but it's really nice and you don't have to feel the same and I know it's-" "I feel the same way" the narrator said calmly. Stanley stopped rambling only to turn as red as a strawberry. He was so embarrassed. He said, "We shouldn't be talking like this." He didn't know if making the Narrator feel this way was right. "And yet we do," the narrator said, meeting Stanley's eyes. Stanley held the narrator's face in his hands and hesitantly questioned, "Can I kiss you?"

"Whatever you want," the narrator replied, leaning in closer.

Stanley kissed the Narrator. It felt nice and right, and he didn't want to stop. So he didn't. They kissed, and it just kept getting better. As their lips parted, they smiled at each other. The Narrator placed a hand on Stanley's chest, leaning towards him, and the two of them continued to hold one another, softly kissing. As they parted, Stanley tackled the Narrator over and his companion groaned. "You're ridiculous. We were having a moment, Stanley," he scoffed with no malice. Stanley said nothing as he curled up next to the narrator, half lying on him like a pillow. "Your back's gonna hurt later, Stanley." "I know," Stanley said softly, "but I just want to be with you." The narrator held him in his arms. "Fair enough. I certainly don’t dislike this."

See the full post

76 notes - Posted May 28, 2022

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[skin--slave]

Marilyn Manson Albums as Jello Shot Recipes

Portrait Of An American Family:

2 pkg shoplifted jello, red or purple

2 cups water

1 cup pineapple vodka from the bottle dad keeps in the garage

Microwave one cup of water in a yellow Tupperware bowl for 2 minutes. Burn hands taking it out. Dump jello powder in. Stir until dissolved. Pour vodka in. Get a huge hit of alcohol vapor in the face. Put lid on container and put a piece of masking tape on it that says "Brussels sprouts." Refrigerate in the crisper under the celery until 2am. Add remaining cup of water to the vodka bottle and put it back. Enjoy lumpy sludge from permanently-stained bowl in the dark while playing air guitar along with your Walkman.

Smells Like Children:

1 pkg lime jello

1 pkg unflavored gelatin

1 cup hot tap water

1/4 cup Rebel Yell whiskey

1/4 cup cherry brandy

1/2 cup beer

Don't bother heating the water. It's probably hot enough. Add jello and gelatin. Stir. Realize it's not hot enough, but refuse to heat it up. Let it sit on the counter while you collect the other ingredients. Stir some more. Add alcohol. Keep stirring. Note that it's now a disgusting greenish brown and smells like a public men's room. Put the bowl in the refrigerator with no lid. Go out with friends and vandalize things. Come home drunk. Wake up with empty bowl beside you in bed.

Antichrist Superstar:

1 pkg cherry jello

1 pkg grape Flavor Aid

1 bottle (750ml) Taaka vodka

Open bottle. Carefully add jello and drink powder. Cover mouth of bottle with thumb. Shake vigorously until mixture turns black. Chug half. Pour remaining half on self. Throw bottle into the crowd.

Mechanical Animals:

1 pkg orange jello

1 pkg peach jello

1 cup water

1 and 1/4 cup Everclear, divided

1 can Mandarin oranges

Whipped cream

Plastic wine glasses

Run water through hotel coffee maker. Add jello to carafe. Stir until dissolved. Let mixture cool to room-temperature. Meanwhile, drain orange segments and pat dry on a white bathroom towel. Give zero fucks about the orange stains. Put oranges in a paper coffee cup and pour 1/4 cup Everclear over. Jerk off while they steep. Add remaining liquor to carafe and stir. Divide infused orange segments between glasses. Pour jello mix over the top. Place in hotel refrigerator until after the show. Enjoy jello and very impressed groupies with whipped cream.

Holy Wood (In The Shadow Of The Valley Of Death):

1 pkg instant chocolate pudding

1 cup chocolate liquor

1 cup milk

1 pkg unflavored gelatin

1/2 cup water

1/4 cup coffee liquor

Plastic cups

Whisk milk and chocolate liquor until well blended. Add pudding mix and continue whisking until completely dissolved. Pour pudding into cups, leaving ample headroom. Refrigerate at least 30 mins. Sprinkle gelatin over water in heat-safe container. Let stand at least 10 minutes while watching the news. Heat gelatin mixture until melted. Stir to dissolve. Set container in fridge to cool. Read the newspaper. Add coffee liquor to gelatin mixture. Pour over pudding in cups. Refrigerate 2hrs or until high school lets out. Enjoy the juxtaposition of childhood desserts with the bitterness and poison of adulthood.

The Golden Age Of Grotesque:

2 pkg unflavored gelatin

1 cup water

1/4 cup gin

1/2 cup champagne

2 Tbs fresh lemon juice

2 Tbs simple syrup

Individual half-sphere molds

Fresh lemon zest, black edible glitter and sugared violets for garnish

Sprinkle gelatin over water in a bain-marie (or a double boiler if you're poor). Let stand 10 minutes while you pick out your eye shadow. Heat gradually, stirring to dissolve. Allow to cool slightly. Add lemon juice, simple syrup, gin and champagne. Pour into half-sphere molds and refrigerate until firm (about 3 hours or as long as it takes to do your makeup). Carefully unmold. Press the base into black edible glitter and arrange on a serving platter. Top each with lemon zest and a single violet. Enjoy with people who deserve you.

Eat Me, Drink Me:

1 pkg strawberry jello

1 pkg unflavored gelatin

1 cup water

1 cup Kraken black rum

Fresh strawberries

Dipping chocolate, optional

Using a strawberry huller or paring knife, carefully cut the centers from strawberries. Hollow each berry out to mirror the hole in your heart. Save tops. Place each berry in a small paper cup to hold upright. Heat water and add gelatin to dissolve. Allow to cool slightly. Add rum and stir well. Transfer to a container with a spout for ease of pouring. Carefully fill each berry with gelatin mixture, just as your life is filled with failures and disappointments. Replace tops to hide the darkness. Refrigerate until firm, crying as necessary. Dip berries in chocolate if desired. Serve to those who have hurt you so that they can know what it is to find the inevitable black center of every romance.

The High End Of Low:

1 pkg blue raspberry jello

1 pkg watermelon or strawberry jello

1 cup water, divided

1 bottle (750ml) alcohol of choice

Heat 1/2 cup water in each of 2 separate coffee mugs. Wonder why you own coffee mugs when you don't drink coffee. Overthink that as a metaphor for life. Realize the water's getting cold. Add 1 jello pkg to each. Stir slowly, watching the granules try to dissolve. What's that sound? Answer the phone. Insist that you're fine. Go back to staring at the jello mixtures. Absently add one to the other, playing with the colors. Decide to see how the mixture looks on a canvas. Take the bottle with you. Close the door. Stay there for 3 days. Do not enjoy it.

Born Villain:

2 pkg unflavored gelatin

1 cup water

1/2 cup Smirnoff vodka, any flavor

2-3 tsp each magnesium citrate, pickle or sauerkraut juice, Sprite, liquid sweetener, salt water, Tabasco, clam juice, apple or grape juice, clear liquors in various flavors

1 pkg (4 colors: red, blue, yellow, green) liquid food coloring

Small paper cups

Twister spinner

Sprinkle gelatin over water in glass 2-cup measuring cup. Let stand 10 minutes. Microwave 1 minute. Stir to dissolve. Let cool slightly. Meanwhile, add 1 tsp of an assorted liquid to each cup. Arrange randomly on a table. Add vodka to gelatin mixture and stir. Pour into prepared cups. Add a drop of food coloring to each cup, alternating colors. Stir each with a toothpick. Refrigerate 2 hours or until set. Invite people over. Take turns spinning and choosing shots. Wait for someone to vomit or shit their pants. Call it performance art. Enjoy thourally.

The Pale Emperor:

1 pkg unflavored gelatin

1/2 cup water, divided

4 sugar cubes or 4 tsp sugar

1/2 cup Powers Irish whiskey

16 dashes Agnostura bitters

1 tsp orange zest, optional

Sprinkle gelatin over 1/4 cup water. Let stand 10 minutes. Heat remaining water. Add sugar and stir to dissolve. Don't worry if there are some granules left. You're a grown man. Add hot syrup to gelatin mixture. Stir to dissolve gelatin. Add orange zest if desired. Stir in whiskey and bitters. Refrigerate until set. Enjoy alone while taking stock of your life and feeling good about your accomplishments.

Heaven Upside Down:

1 pkg watermelon or strawberry jello

1 pkg blue raspberry jello

1 cup water, divided

2/3 cup decent vodka, divided

6-10 ice cubes

Gold edible glitter

Heat 1/2 cup water in each of 2 separate containers. Add one pkg of jello to each. Stir well and let cool. Lightly oil a standard loaf pan and place in the freezer to chill. Add 1/3 cup vodka to each cooled gelatin mixture. Stir well. Add 3-5 ice cubes to each bowl and stir until ice melts. Gelatin should be thickened but not set. Spoon randomly into chilled pan. Tap bottom of pan against counter to reduce air pockets. Refrigerate 1 hr or until set. Unmold onto a platter and slice. Sprinkle with glitter. Enjoy with loyal friends.

[aiberrya]

Timekeeper and Tape Man

This guy i mean

[the-friendliest-freak]

Memes

[numberonesnarkfan]

I was given the prompt "Narrator, Tape guy and Timekeeper playing cards together" and ended up with the best thing I've drawn in a while, for some reason.

[shinakazami1]

TSP Epilogue thoughts

Pre-exam stress talking through me but. What if Narrator left for real. What if he isn't trapped in us in the Epilogue and what we are witnessing is just a copy 432/TK/Setting Person made of him for us.

He moved on and we stayed but his past constantly will taunt us.

We find sympathy for a recording of a man who laughed at us as we stared at the Tape Recorder.

But Stanley does our moves, Stanley does as we command. He is there, as we keep him company.

Because he never had any choice.

[perfectlyrose]

Up In Flames: Epilogue (10/10)

Summary: In the year since they decided to become a team, John Smith and Rose Tyler have made quite the names for themselves as Team TARDIS, bank robbers extraordinaire. Newspapers the world over run headlines about The Doctor and the Bad Wolf and their latest heists. They’re practically unstoppable.

Then their world spins to a halt with a phone call. Jack’s in trouble again and a formidable enemy from John’s past has emerged from the shadows to try and destroy the bank robbing couple once and for all. Will they be able to survive this new threat intact or will the life they’ve been building together go up in flames?

A sequel to Watch it Burn, a Nine/Rose bank robbers AU

Note: And here we are at the end, once more. Thank you all for sticking with this fic despite my frequent and lengthy delays in updating it. It really, truly means the world to me ♥ (rest of my sappy author’s note at the end of the fic)

Word Count: 1605

Rating: Teen

Read here: tumblr // ao3 // tsp // ff

“We should go check on Jack,” Rose said as she sipped her cup of tea. John was making breakfast.

“He’s at Amy’s place, yeah?”

“Yeah. Rory’s a nurse and we figured he could patch Jack up since he would refuse hospital.” She looked John over, lingering on all the places she knew he was bruised. “Maybe he could look you over while we’re there, just to be safe.”

“I don’t think I’ve got anything worse than bruises and scrapes,” John said. He slid eggs onto plates and collected the toast.

“Couldn’t hurt, though.”

“If it will make you feel better, I’ll let Rory check my injuries.” He put a plate down in front of her and took a seat across the table.”

“Thank you.”

They finished their breakfast and got ready to leave the flat. Rose texted Amy that they were coming over to see Jack and then they headed out.

Rory answered the door. “Thanks for making sure Amy got home in one piece,” he said after greeting the pair of them.

“Pretty sure she was the one who made sure I got out in one piece,” Rose answered with a smile.

“Damn right I was,” Amy said, stepping into the hallway. “Hello you two.”

“Hey Ames. How’s the patient doing?” Rose asked.

“He’s awake and doing fine,” she said.

“He’s on good painkillers,” Rory said. “At least one cracked rib and some heavy bruising. He’s going to need to stay still for a bit to let himself heal.”

John snorted. “Good luck getting him to do that.”

Rose elbowed him. “Rory, would you mind looking at John’s injuries while we’re here? We don’t think it’s anything serious but I’d feel better with a medical professional’s opinion.”

“Sure,” Rory agreed. He looked at John. “Want to get it over with now?”

“Why not.” Rory led them into another room to do his examination.

Amy turned to give Rose an appraising look. “Looks like the two of you made up. Faster than I expected.”

Rose gave her a small smile. “We actually sat down and talked about things instead of avoiding them.”

Amy made an exaggerated expression of surprise. “Wonder of wonders, I thought I’d have to lock you in a room together or something.”

“Never would have worked.”

“Don’t underestimate me,” Amy said with raised eyebrows.

“Never. And you were right by the way,” Rose said.

“Music to my ears,” Amy cut in.

Rose continued without acknowledging Amy’s words. “We both just needed to lay things out and stop hiding everything.”

“So things really are okay with the two of you?”

Rose nodded. “More than okay, really. We still have work to do but I think we’re in a better place to do it now.”

Amy hugged her. “I’m so glad.”

Rory and John stepped back out into the hallway.

“Clean bill of health,” John said when Rose raised an inquiring eyebrow at him.

“Wouldn’t go quite that far,” Rory said. “Remember to keep icing things and keep the cuts cleaned and bandaged,” Rory instructed.

Rose smiled at him. “Thank you, Rory. I’ll make sure he follows orders.”

She winked at John who just rolled his eyes.

“I’m going to take them in to see Jack,” Amy said. “You’re welcome to come with but we’re going to be talking criminal things.”

Rory held up his hands, wry smile playing over his lips. “I would like to maintain plausible deniability. Let me know if you need anything.”

Amy leaned over and planted a kiss on his cheek before leading John and Rose to her guest room where she’d installed Jack.

“Rosie! John!” Jack exclaimed from the bed as soon as they entered the room. “Was wondering if you two were going to come by for a visit.”

“Had to make sure you were alright,” Rose said. She sat gently on the edge of the bed. John took one of the chairs that looked like they’d been dragged in from the dining room. Amy took the other.

“Doing fine, as usual,” Jack said with a broad smile. “Plus Amy’s handsome man has me on the good stuff.”

“I will fight you for him and I will win,” Amy warned lightly.

“I’m open to sharing,” Jack insisted, giving her a good natured leer.

Amy laughed. “You never stop do you?”

“He doesn’t,” John confirmed.

“Are the two of you alright?” Jack asked, looking between his two best friends. “You disappeared last night.”

“We said goodbye,” Rose protested.

“Still disappeared before anyone else.”

“And we’re both fine,” John told him. “You’ve got most of the damage from this whole ordeal.”

“Did UNIT come and collect the Master?” Rose asked Amy.

“Yeah. They showed up about ten minutes after you left. They were over the moon that someone had finally captured the guy red-handed. Apparently they’d been looking for a reason to arrest him for ages. I think they mostly chose to pretend that we weren’t a rag-tag group of criminals. Jenny gave us some credibility on that front.”

“What are they going to do with him?” John asked, voice tight.

“They wouldn’t tell us,” Amy said with a grimace.

“I hope he rots,” Jack said. His nod was decisive.

“I’ll see if I can find out and let you know,” John said. “I’d guess they put him at a blacksite though, especially if they wouldn’t even hint at what they were doing with him.”

“Any chance of him ever escaping one of those?” Rose asked.

“Very slim but not impossible,” John said. “He’s slippery but those places are built to hold people like him.”

“Well, I think I’ll echo Jack in saying that I hope he rots,” Amy said. She leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees. “Now, I want the dirt on the fact that the two of you are apparently the bank robbers who’ve taken the world by storm. I can’t believe I didn’t know!”

“Jack’s the only one who knew,” Rose explained. “And that’s only because he was the one who brought us together.”

Jack grinned. “I’m an excellent matchmaker.”

“You are determined, I’ll give you that,” John said.

“I had to put up with the two of you pretending not to obsess over each other for a year after the Agency job.”

“Hold on, that was you two too? That heist was epic.”

“First job we worked together,” John said.

Amy pinned Rose with a look. “So he’s the bloke who had you all steamed for a year?”

“Oh thank god I wasn’t the only one having to put up with them,” Jack said.

“I had good reason to be mad,” Rose said. She shot a glare at John who had the audacity to grin at her.

“So then the two of you got back together to rob a bank?”

“Yeah, Jack needed us to pull the job. It was related to the Agency heist. After that, we ended up deciding to team up,” Rose explained.

“Bit bumpier than they make it sound,” Jack put in.

“Oh, I can believe that,” Amy said.

“If the two of you are just going to poke fun at as, we can leave,” Rose said.

“No, don’t go yet,” Amy said. “How did you come up with your names? What does TARDIS mean?”

Rose raised an eyebrow at John who smiled slightly and shook his head.

“That’s a secret I think John and I will keep,” Rose said.

“Spoilsports,” Amy pouted.

Jack’s eyes were starting to flutter shut. “I was hoping they’d tell you,” he said. “I still don’t know what the hell it means either.”

“Get some rest, Jack,” Rose said quietly. “We’ll come visit again soon.”

“You better,” he said.

“Get better soon,” John said, resting his hand on his friend’s shoulder.

“Yes, sir.” Jack gave him a cheeky salute and John rolled his eyes, letting out a huff of laughter.

“Still never going to convince me you were actually a captain,” he said.

Jack just smiled. The expression was still on his face when he drifted off to sleep.

The trio tiptoed back out into the hallway.

“So, dinner soon? After Jack’s out of our guest room, of course.”

“Name the date and we’ll be here,” John promised.

Rose looked at him, surprise registering on her face for a moment at his enthusiasm for the dinner party he’d reluctantly agreed to before.

“Perfect,” Amy said, grinning. “Now, off with the pair of you. I’m sure you still have some making up to do and I want my fiancé to myself for an hour or two while Jack is sleeping.”

“Yes ma’am,” Rose said with a laugh.

Amy gave both of them quick hugs and sent them on their way, promising to pass on their farewells to Rory.

Back out on the street, John and Rose twined their fingers together and set off towards Rose’s flat and a future that looked brighter than ever.

//

Four months later a bank in Brussels found an embossed card taped to the front door of their establishment.

The ivory card had a blue police box embossed on the front along with the words “Team TARDIS.” On the back, in flowing gold script, the familiar names of “The Doctor and the Bad Wolf” seemed to wink up at whoever read them with a mischievous glint.

The famed duo were back in business for the new year and the authorities who had hoped they’d stopped grimly dusted off the files on Team TARDIS. They were starting to get the feeling that chasing them was a useless endeavor.

The Doctor and the Bad Wolf were unstoppable and they were just getting started.

.

.

Author’s Note (cont’d): It's an odd feeling knowing that I'm done telling this story. I've lived with this story for over four years (Yes, four years. Watch it Burn started posting in April 2014, back when it was a short one-shot. Look how that turned out!) and I'm both relieved that it is finally now out in the world in its entirety and sad that it is over. This series, this verse, will always have a very special place in my heart. It represents the first time I stepped out onto that limb of writing a big multichaptered project and the John and Rose that inhabit these stories will forever be my very favorite pair of idiots (as I affectionately refer to them). I find myself stealing bits of them for some of my other Nine/Rose AUs, even.

It saddens me to be saying goodbye to them, but - BUT - it's not a forever goodbye. Not yet. While this is the last big fic in this verse, I do plan to add two or three short one-shots, still. So, if you're also dreading saying goodbye to this pair of criminals and their motley crew of friends, keep an eye out. They'll be back to say hello a time or two more. And of course, they're always here to welcome you back into their drama whenever you want to see them.Thank you all so much and also for putting up with my dramatic author's note here. I love you immensely.

(also, if you ever need to yell about this verse, you know how to contact me. i love yelling about it.)