#trying to see if that tag means ill be able to find this again later lmaoo

[faithfromanewperspective]

I’m like if bottling up emotions cause they’re confusing made someone energetic and hyperactive and think they can save the world and need to hurry before the grief consumes them

[r1poutmygvtz]

longgg ramble/vent/whatever's on my mind, idk man i'm tired and should probably schedule another therapy appointment soon

also this is kinda just all over the place, idk my thoughts are kinda scattered rn for some reason

(tws: mental health talk, sh, suicide attempts, od mention, ed, body issues, weed + alcohol talk, medicine misuse, childhood abuse, pet + family death mentions, possibly more idk if i missed one lmk and i'll tag it and put it up here)

my mental health right now is so fragile i don't understand, like obviously i know i'm depressed, i've been diagnosed for nearly two years now but i should've been much earlier, maybe that's why it got so bad, i don't even remember why i was diagnosed tbh, i think it was my first time back after like a year and a half maybe two years of not being in therapy and obviously a lot of shit happened, in that time that i went without therapy i tried to kms three times, had an alcoholic phase, and got addicted to weed

it was also sometime around my birthday i believe, which would make sense on why i got diagnosed, im always super depressed around my birthday, i mean i was expelled on my 13th, my great grandma died the day after my 14th and the day after that i tried to kms and that was the most traumatizing one and it took me over 2 years to be able to take the meds that i od'd on again without freaking out, i was literally so high i can't even remember my 15th, 4 days before my 16th i graduated (horrible for me, i had a panic attack everyday leading up to it for like 2 weeks straight) and 2 days after that my cat that i had since my 12th birthday died, so there's literally nothing enjoyable about my birthday and it feels more like a curse than anything

anyways, i've been the same since i was like 8 or 9, i was depressed and dreamt/wished i would die or get seriously hurt, maybe i just wanted my dad to care about me for once or maybe i did really just want to die, im not sure, i can't really remember my childhood, my therapist says i most likely have ptsd from the abuse which would explain the memory gaps and dpdr (depersonalization & derealization for those that don't know, the derealization is confirmed by my therapist btw just not the depersonalization but that's probably only because i didn't bring that up)

i think the most fucked up part is the fact it took me 16 years to find out the abuse was also physical, i spent the entire time before that thinking it was only verbal towards me and my siblings but i guess not, also apparently all the times me and my sister went to my neighbors/aunts house was because we were hiding from my dad, i thought we just went over to watch cartoons because we didn't have them at home, idk it was just weird for me to find out 7 years after it stopped, it doesn't really bother me all that much tbh my dad was already dead to me and i've been mostly no contact with him for almost 3 years now

also speaking of me as a kid, that's when a lot of my problems started, i was 9 almost 10 for the dpdr and 8 or 9 when i started hating my body, sh came in later tho i was like 10 or 11 when that started, i actually remember being like 9 and writing down everything i ate on a piece of paper, and when i was 10 i kept a notebook full of what i weighed in the morning and night and would see the difference in it, i also vividly remember asking my mom how many calories were in something from mcdonald's and she told me i was too young to be asking that so i just kinda stopped after that which obviously ended up coming back, i mean just look at my account

anyways yea i just hate how back and forth my mental health is, one day i could be doing great and think i'm amazing and unbelievably pretty and smart and ill try to better myself by getting sober and staying clean, then the next day i'll hate myself and consider going back to taking my meds throughout the day just so i was loopy and hardly able to process anything

tbh i do miss it a lot, i started back when i was heavily addicted to weed and would take my meds when i couldn't smoke, actually i used to take melatonin a bunch throughout the day so i could just pass out if anything happened that i didn't want to deal with (literally anything at all tbf) but that started to not work as well as i wanted so i turned to my meds, i'd take my nightly dose (50mg instead of the 20mg i was supposed to take) at like noon and would be loopy until it was time to actually take it, i didn't do it much tbh, my sisters bf caught on after the third or fourth time because i had just met his family for the first time that day and their dog tried to bite my face apparently and i didn't even react (didn't even realize it happened tbh) and he asked what was up with me and i told him bc i've known him forever, anyways yea he yelled at me to knock it off and went on about how it's gonna kill me if i kept doing it, so i did it like once after that and it's been months since i've done it again

it's kinda funny tho, those meds actually could've killed me regardless, i was supposed to take them three times a day but only really did once at school and i still got a bunch of the more serious side effects because i wasn't supposed to smoke while taking them but obv i did bc i was addicted, like breathing was hard, i nearly fainted all the time, my appetite was nonexistent, my heart was starting to mess up, like i literally thought i had a heart attack one day because the side effects were that bad and my mom and sister started looking up symptoms of POTS because that's what the side effects looked like, anyways i got taken off those months ago but i still have them somewhere and i'm fighting the urge to find and take them just so i have no appetite and so i'll sleep through the day

i think that's really all idk, there's more i was gonna say but i can't really remember plus this is already super long jfc, i don't expect anyone to actually read this, i just wanted it off my chest and i don't really trust talking to many people about this kinda stuff

[aztarion]

Hiii omg its so good to see a fellow book of hungry names enjoyer out there.... i was wondering if u managed to get sex scenes with podge ingame? Bcuz I've seen people mention it's possible and ever since then I have been desperately trying to no avail 😩 it's cool if you didn't, just thought i'd shoot my shot (also im literally obsessed with your art its so good)

omg HIIIIII thank you 😭 i actually look cuckoo bananas in the tag but it & night road reignited my love for world of darkness so idc lmao

anyway shitty diy romance guide under the cut

including other companions bc ive seen ppl have problems hooking up with melodie too but there is/was a podge-specific bug ill get to after the general stuff. disclaimer first tho english is not my native language & i dont play on steam so cant code dive properly BUT essentially:

podge, elton & melodie’s routes require some initial investment in charisma—not a lot (2 dots is fine) but the higher ur charisma the higher the modifier will be during romance checks, which will help you pass even if your relationship score with them isnt the best/mid range 2/3 dots. in the same vein some of the convictions your character can have also act as modifiers. what ive been able to piece together is that:

melodie likes when you uphold & respect the litany/tradition & the three families, but keep humans/nomi at a distance or out of the picture entirely for their own safety

elton likes when you maintain dignity in your situations, are logical/calculative making decisions & successful in your chosen means to an end (failing rolls is swagless behavior he will judge you)

podge likes when you weaponize your Rage—not necessarily escalating everything to violence (but it is a fair bit of that lmao) but in terms of like challenging the litany/tradition/authority, protecting the weak/disadvantaged

nin likes when you remain level-headed/composed, keep an open mind, respect her as a person/don’t treat her different as a wolfborn, utilize & accept your spiritual third as garou—recognize that cultivating gaia with kindness & hope are as important as protecting her with teeth & claws

TLDR for best relationship modifiers:

Elton: 2 or more dots in Charisma, high Find Purpose Through Dignity conviction

Melodie: 2 or more dots in Charisma, high The Litany Sustains Us conviction

Podge: 2 or more dots in Charisma, high Our Weapon Is Rage conviction

Nin: 2 or more dots in Composure, high Our Answer Is Spirit conviction

so the issue with podge’s route from what i can tell was a coding error that has since been fixed by kyle, basically during the first date most people opt to kiss podge back, which obviously boosts your romance score but at that point in time it boosted it past the threshold check for the sex scene & locked you out of it for both opportunities LOL. this is no longer the case but if your game hasn’t updated since May (not on version: 52507) you will have to play hard to get with podge (dont kiss him back) or your ass is NAWT getting dicked down later. all other scenes proceeds as normal tho

hopefully this helps!! im currently (slowly) playing thru again testing more stuff so i might update this or make a more detailed cleaner post in the future ^^

[lumilasi]

"Lone wolf's a Dead Wolf. Healthy Wolf protects the Pack."

Earlier this week, I reblogged a fanart piece for the Mouthwashing game, wondering why it was so popular, as while I had seen the game months earlier, seeing Tumblr get so into it was surprising as at the time, it didn't stand out to me too much when I first watched it. After being nosy and snooping around the tags, I now fully get why it has become such a phenomenon here.

Anyway, the whole thing kind of inspired me to want to make my own lil space crew. I'll be keeping their designs simple though, as I don't wanna stress myself out with this too much; its just a small side thing for funsies. I don't have full design ideas for others yet, but I figured I can at least post this guy for starters. I admittedly don't fully like the poster one, buuuut IDK how to fix it rn so I'll leave it as is.

More info about him below: (under the cut bc ONCE AGAIN my descriptions get far too long....)

The poster's Lone wolf quote is basically Stefan's mantra; it both shows how despite what he may seem like at first glance, he very much cares about the people around him, and how the whole "lone wolf" thing isn't even realistic (and in a way, harmful way of thinking), and Stefan knows that.

When I say "dad" I mean he is the responsible friend who tries to keep most shenanigans at bay - mainly from The Inventor and his old friend.

The person yelling for him is his crew's youngest member, a gal who's kind of an inventor type that he sort of big brothers.

He's bi, tends to be oblivious to people's crushes on him because of a lot of self-loathing caused by what happened

He met pretty freaky people in prison, but NOBODY was as scary as his current captain, according to him.

The crew is very small, because many people tend to not be able to handle the dynamics they have; there's the Captain, Co-pilot, medic, the rescue systems officer (and self-proclaimed inventor), and now Stefan as the general ship mechanic. (at least those are the ones I have ideas for. I could add one or two more later)

Or, as Stefan would call it: the Queen Devil (affectionate), Airheaded Dumbass (sometimes affectionate, sometimes not), the Angel, and of course, the iconic KID NO DON'T TOUCH THAT!

The one calling for him in the image is indeed this "kid no"

His childhood friend has a crush on him, and so does the medic lady. He has NO idea about either, because while he keeps calling his friend dense, he sure as HELL isn't any better lmao (the Captain and the systems officer find it VERY fun to watch)

Those two aren't competitive or anything about their shared crush, they're both the kind of people that just want their loved ones to be happy and would be happy for either if they got lucky - provided the dumbass would notice either.....

His wolf motif is because of his surname meaning "wolf"

BG STORY STUFF: Stefan wears a gas mask, because of his sensitivity to a common gas type utilized in most spaceships' systems in this story; a special type of non-flammable gas, that unfortunately can cause hallucinations, and in his case, causes bouts of severe aggression/Lack of sense of pain.

-----> The reason why he has an odd reaction is because of some evil scientist shenanigans he had to go through as a kid, unknowingly to him and his mum, who thought the doctors were trying to cure a terrible illness he supposedly had. (They were just testing out brainwashing stuff, you know, usual evil government bullshit)

------> he ended up in prison because while working in another ship, he had a severe fit and killed a lot of his coworkers (whom he already had negative emotions towards due to their shitty behavior towards the woman staff - he was raised better by his mama)

-----> There was a massive riot in the prison he was in, hence he managed to escape.

His friend insisted on helping and got him in the ship; Stefan initially avoided everyone else like plague afraid he'd have a fit, but did grow fond of the oddball group pretty quickly.

Then, during a space-pirate raid, he learned that he can actually recognize this group even in that state, so they aren't in danger from him - plus their captain is a very prepared woman, and had already figured out his history. (She has stuff to knock him out to sleep it off)

[so-long-soldier-writes]

drabble #7 - kissing disease

kai parker x reader

summary: despite the deal he had made with her several weeks ago, kai needs his sister for her medical opinion, again.

tags: doctor / hospital, sickness, small mention of blood, caught / confession

word count: 1,023

a/n: here is a short lil drabble-ish piece i wrote as i'm trying to get back in the swing of things. i went to a tvd con, and then got a cold 😭 so i'm a little out of it. but, i did produce this, so here it is!

A series of knocks disturb the couple and their guest from their conversation. It’s bad enough to have one uninvited guest, and now there’s another at the door. Even worse, when Ric answers, it’s the person he and his girlfriend want to see least in the world. 

Kai Parker, visibly ill, is hunched over his entryway. One hand is gripping the doorframe, while the other is raised to knock again, but drops when Ric opens it. 

“Oh no-” the older man starts.

“Wait, wait, wait-”

Upon hearing the direct ‘no’ from Ric, Jo joins his side. At the sight of her twin brother, though, she’s immediately pissed. “No. We had a deal. I give you my magic and you never speak to me again.”

“I know-”

“So why the hell would you think it’s okay to come here?”

“I need your help.”

“You’re insane! If you think I’m going to help you, after all you’ve ever done to me, you’re insane.”

“I know, and I know we had a deal. But, look, I’m really sick, I don’t know why. It’s not a magical problem this time, because I’ve tried to heal it with magic and it’s not working. I don’t know if I did the right spell, or if there’s something blocking it, I don’t know. All I ask is that you just look. Just, try to see me as a patient, just for today. Please?”

“You will not manipulate me like that. I won’t let you.”

“I’m not trying to, I promise.”

By now, Damon’s joined the doorway. “Oh, it’s you,” he says bluntly. “Why are you here?”

“I’m sick. I came to see my sister because she’s a doctor, not because I wanted to hurt her. Please, Josette.”

The girl sighs. “Fine. But if you try anything, I will kill you.”

“Promise I won’t.”

Ten minutes later, she has Kai sitting on a patient bed in Whitmore hospital. The three had decided it would be easier to do there, so they made the quick drive over to the medical center. Luckily, it’s after busy hours, so they’re able to work without interruption. 

At first, Jo asks all the typical questions and runs all the standard tests. She rules out that it’s definitely not a magical issue, and that it seems to be a virus of some sort. She just can’t seem to narrow it down to which one, though. 

“It’s not strep; that test came up negative. Could you repeat your symptoms to me?”

Kai rolls his eyes, but answers, “throat has been sore for a couple days, my, like, lymph nodes are swollen, up here on my neck,” he points to the area, “I’m really tired, skin is kinda hot, and I’ve had a headache.”

“Right. So this is kind of a Hail Mary, but I’m gonna do it anyway. I need a sample of your blood. Just a finger-prick.” She holds out a little test, then a needle, and takes his hand. “Try not to flinch,” she says, before remembering to whom she’s talking. Jo then almost flinches herself when she realizes it’s her brother’s hand she’s grasping. 

Kai doesn’t budge when she pricks his finger. In fact, he just yawns, like he’s bored. It disturbs her. 

“Just give it a couple minutes.”

Jo leaves to find the other two while the test takes the time it needs. In a couple minutes, though, she returns, both men on her tail. She reads the test, then scoffs. 

“What is it?” Ric asks before anyone else can.

“It’s positive.”

“For what?”

“Mono.”

“What?!” The man asks a third time. 

“What’s that mean?” Damon questions, too.

“Mononucleosis. Epstein-Barr. Whatever you want to call it. The Kissing Disease.” She looks at Kai, who says nothing. “Spread through saliva. Either you got it from kissing someone, or sharing drinks, silverware, or something like that. So what’s it from?”

“No way,” Damon interrupts, “there’s no way someone was kissing him, that’s got to be a false positive.”

“It’s the only one of all my tests to come out positive.”

“Alright, fine,” Kai says, “of all the ways I expected to be caught, this was not one of them.”

The two men seem to get angry at this. At nearly the same time, they bark, “who was the poor girl?”

“Hey, she was a willing participant!”

“Who was it, Kai?”

“Really pretty. Sweet voice. Likes the bad boys, but she seems so innocent, you wouldn’t know unless she told you. Friend of yours, Damon. You had her babysit me one day, and then things just kind of… took off!”

“No.” Damon denies, not wanting it to be true. 

“Oh, yes.”

“She wouldn’t be caught with the likes of you. Y/N is too good for that.”

“Oh, but she wasn’t caught… until, well, she apparently gave me mono.”

“But that was months ago I had her watch you.”

“And it was months ago since we started hanging out. And then hanging turned to kissing, which I started, because she’s way too shy to give in the first time, but once she does, she’s just… crazyyyy cute about it. Always stealing kisses when I’m not expecting it. Guess it makes sense how this could’ve happened.”

“You’re lying. Y/N would never.” Ric agrees with his best friend. 

“I swear to you I am not.”

“I’ve got an easy way to figure this out. Hold on one second.” Damon puts a finger up while dialing a number on his phone. After a few rings, it picks up. “Y/N?”

“Yeah, hi. What’s up?”

“Not much. Was just wondering if you’re up for a drink later, at the grill?”

“Mm, I’m not actually feeling too great today. Raincheck for another time?”

“Oh, really? That sucks.”

“Yeah, I think it’s just a typical common cold.” You clear your throat rather loudly. “Sorry.”

“Hey, no worries. Feel better okay?”

“I’ll try,” you chuckle, “see you later?”

“Let me know when you’re better. Bye.”

“Will do. Bye.”

Damon looks at Alaric, then Jo, and all three, horrified, stare down at Kai together.

The little troublemaker manages to smirk. “Still think I’m lying?” 

[angelsandemons]

𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐆𝐒 𝐓𝐎 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐄 𝐌𝐘 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄!

whether it be melodies that give you inspiration for your muse or songs that get you into the writing mood — pick 10 songs you find to give you the urge, the drive, or the creativity to write for your muse!

tagged by: @hells-greatestdad

I probably did this before but I just saw you do it with explanations for each song and I love that so...of course I'm doing this for Bill. He's probably the only one I have 10+ songs for atm, and I have at least one new one since I last did this sort of thing for him.

Am I Wrong? by Nico & Vinz

This song has made me think of Bill's younger years for a while. However, my feelings and thoughts about it have changed a bit since The Book of Bill came out and gave us some more information about his early life in Eucylida. For one thing, it would be more appropriate if the song said "trying to reach the things that I can see" instead of "can't see." But since Bill was the only one who could see them, the same sentiment kind of still applies. Another cool change is around the lines "Am I trippin' for having a vision? My prediction, I'ma be on top of the world." With what we know now, combined with my headcaons around this new canon, we have a whole new new literal layer of meaning on top of the earlier figurative one. Because he truly did want to find a way to be "on top" of his world in a way that defied all logic and reason.

2. ECHO by Crusher P and Gumi English

This song has been near and dear to me in relation to Bill for years too, but like the previous one, it's changed meaning since the revelations The Book of Bill gave us. It's role in Bill's narrative still stays largely the same in that it speaks to the fall of Euclydia. The song starts out with saying "The clock's stopped ticking forever ago, how long have I been up? I don't know." Time and space completely unraveled in the aftermath of the incident in his home dimension, and being the sole survivor, Bill was left in a very strange place psychologically. This leads directly into "I can't get a grip but I can't let go" and "there wasn't anything to hold onto, though." Bill was in a space that was no longer quite space, a time that was no longer quite time, and no means to process any of it. The next few lines about not being able to see colors and wanting to be "colorful and free," still hold true to me, since I refuse to believe that Euclydia had color the same way we do. The main difference is that Bill could see more colors than others from the very start (though certainly not as many as he saw later on in life). So he didn't want to see it so much as be it, become a star in the sky that he spent so much time looking at. This comes into play later with "No I just can't let go, born to be colorful." Anyway, as the lyrics continue, they go right back into Bill's experience with the incident, from "What the hell's going on? Can someone tell me please!" to "I'm gonna burn my house down into an ugly black" and "I'm gonna run away now and never look back." Here again, the main difference from before is that Bill did not intentionally destroy his dimension, so it all...feels a bit different. No less relevant to me, just different. Finally, "my enemy's invisible, I don't know how to fight" is more about the psychological damage he took from this event and how ill-equipped he was to "fight" it or process it. Especially when he's up against his own self, his own past, the "echo in the mirror."

3. Raise Your Glass by P!nk

Once Bill left the remains of his home dimension behind, he began collecting misfits from across interdimensional space to be part of his crew. Life became one big party, all day every day. It was as much a celebration of freedom as it was a way for Bill to reframe his outlook and start to see himself as a liberator of fellow "freaks."

4. Blow by Kesha

This song is covers the other main aspect of this stage in Bill's life, and that's the inherent destructiveness of the parties and the darker side of Bill's specific brand of "liberation." The start of the song, "back door's cracked, we don't need a key" is also very reminiscent of how Weirdmageddon started in the show too, which is fitting since I think Weirdmageddon was very much the final party of his liberator era.

5. Comfort Zone by Jorge Rivera-Herrans

Pretty much the entire second half of this song is relevant to Bill (though I'm sure he too would yeet a baby off a tower if given the chance). I believe that pretty much every sentiment Perimedes' expresses here largely his way of coping with the horrors of war. Bill has a similar way of coping that originates from his role in the fall of Euclydia. It's also why the break up with Ford was so devastating to him; he did let himself care, he let himself get attached. And he had no defenses for rejection on that level. The silly little filters Jay put over this reel actually made it more Billcore than it was already.

6. Dark Horse by Katy Perry

This has always been a very Bill song, not just in relation to BillFord (though it's most relevant to that), but any of his partners across the ages, romantic or not (more often NOT romantic). Because Bill very much as an MO when it comes to his "trying to get someone on Earth to build him a portal." He finds someone who is in a vulnerable place, tries to "woo" them, so to speak, get them to agree to help him. Of course, Bill himself doesn't give his would-be partners anywhere close to the warning Katy Perry gives in this song. In fact, part of his whole game is that they don't know what they're falling for.

7. Blank Space by Taylor Swift

While this one is more overtly a "Crazy ex seeks new relationship" song, I once again thing this applies just as much to Bill's platonic relationships with humans throughout the ages. Bill has an ever growing track record of people recording warnings about him, from the prophecy in the early times to the entire society built around preventing amassing more victims.

8. Immortals by Fall Out Boy

This one is like, crazy appropriate for Gravity Falls as a whole, to the point that someone made an AMV for it years ago. But I think most of the song could actually be applied to Bill specifically. The biggest Bill line is probably the very first though, "They say we are what we are, but we don't have to be."

9. Primadonna Girl by Marina

This whole song, both in lyrics and vibe, is wildly applicable to Bill. It's so applicable, in fact, that Primadonna Bill was made as a parody of it. And some of the lyrics just flat out remain unchanged even in that version. Interestingly, one of the lyrics the parody did change is what I believe to be the most relevant to Bill in the original: "you say that I'm kinda difficult, but it's always someone else's fault." Because that really does sum up a lot of his more maladaptive coping.

10. Look What You Made Me Do by Taylor Swift

This song has been associated with Bill and Ford for years now, but it usually paints it as coming from the perspective of Ford. This is fine, but I actually think the song is equally as applicable when flipped, because from Bill's perspective, he was betrayed just as much. Heck, it might even be MORE applicable if we focus on the second verse of the song, particularly the part about being "locked out." The refrain too, comes back to the "it's someone else's fault" mindset that is so prevalent with Bill. And of course, there is the "I don't trust nobody and nobody trusts me" line that just sums up Bill so nicely.

Tagging: @pine-dexter, @wintersovereign, @doublejango, @nebula-gaster, @lettherebemonsters, @crimsonsharked, @botanikos, @heavensxgates, @yellingmetatron, @widdlestwucifer, and literally ANYONE else who wants to, please tag me I want to see it.

[its-jaytothemee]

Until I Met You - Chapter 34

Chapter 34: Ill Tidings

Pairings: Halsin x Tav

Word count: 3,893

Rating: Currently M, will be Explicit in later chapters.

Chapter 1

Read on AO3

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Summary: Our group of heroes makes their way to the Thorm mausoleum. Halsin is finally reunited with Thaniel. Part 34 of the slow burn fic. Tav and Halsin POVs.

Tags: Slow burn, mutual pining, hurt/comfort, emotional hurt/comfort, fluff, eventual love confessions, eventual smut, angst, implied past rape/non-con and abuse, graphic description of injuries, brief suicidal thoughts.

A/N: A bit of a shorter chapter to bridge some big events, but still some fun dialogue! I don't know about you, but I think Thaniel would be just a little bit of a shit (affectionate) ;) you'll get to see more of him (and Oliver) in upcoming chapters!!

Halsin awoke to find Tav still curled up against him. He guessed they had only been out for a couple of hours. At some point during their trance, she had moved into his lap and was now wrapped in his arms with her head on his chest. The sight made his heart race. Tentatively, he leaned forward and placed a light kiss on the top of her head.

He wanted nothing more than to sit there holding her for the rest of the day. But for now, he needed his focus to return to their shared goal of banishing the Absolute cult from these lands and driving the shadows away for good.

He jostled Tav awake. Her eyelids slowly opened, and she stretched in his arms. She smiled up at him as she shook off the last of her trance. It took her a moment to take in her surroundings, but once she did a familiar redness started to creep over her face. She jumped to her feet, tugging at her long, messy braid.

“Oh…uh…good morning…” She started to stammer. “I’m sorry I must have drifted off last night. I didn’t mean to trap you here…” Halsin chuckled in response.

“There is nothing to apologize for, believe me when I say there are worse traps that I have been caught in. But to wake up to such a lovely sight as you…” He held his hand out to her, trying to persuade her to come sit again. “I think I could be convinced to be trapped more often.”

She took his hand and let him lead her down to the ground next to him.

“I meant what I said the other night, Tav,” he started, still holding her hand. “I care for you. My heart and mind have been closed off for so long, I don’t know when I’ll be able to open them again.” He let out a deep breath.

“I care for you too, Halsin. And I understand,” she said softly, squeezing his hand. “I can’t blame you for not wanting to open your heart to someone who could turn into a mind flayer without a moment’s notice.” Her lower lip was starting to quiver as she looked away from him.

He looked at her, confused. Did she think that was the problem?

“Tav…” He moved one hand to cradle her cheek. “The parasite has nothing to do with this. I…” He looked down at the ground.

“My mind has been walled off completely by this shadow curse since it was unleashed. Nothing has been able to break through that barrier. Not until you.”

She nuzzled her face further into the palm of his hand.

“I’m afraid I just need some more time before we can be anything more than this.” He looked down at the other hand that was now holding hers.

“But it’s as I told you before, you should follow your heart just as I follow mine. I would never dream of asking you to save yourself for me, it is not in my nature.” Halsin kept his eyes fixed on their hands.

“More than anything, I cherish your friendship, your company. And I do not wish to lose that.”

“You won’t,” Tav assured him as she squeezed his hand.

“I…I’m sorry I can’t be more for you right now.”

“There’s nothing to apologize for, love. You’re more than enough as you are.”

“But I want to be more I just can’t seem to see past the shadows…past the guilt and the grief.” He let out a frustrated grunt. “I want so badly to be close to you, Tav, but every time I try, I feel something pull me back.”

“I like spending time with you. We can be as close as you like, Halsin. If that means we hold hands or share a hug every now and then, but nothing more, I’m happy to accept.”

“Perhaps more often than every now and then,” he teased back in a hopeful whisper.

She smiled before leaning forward and pulling him into a hug.

“I can be patient, Halsin. I can wait.”

I can wait.

The words brought tears to his eyes as he hugged her back, grateful that his face was hidden in her shoulder. Her soft strokes in his hair caused him to melt further into her embrace.

But why? Why would she want to wait for him?

“You just let me know when you’re ready,” she said as she released him. “You can set the pace, love.”

Gods, why can’t I be ready now?

“I will.”

She paused for a moment and took a shaky breath. “And should you decide it’s not something you want, then you’ll still have me as a friend.”

“Thank you,” he whispered back.

Halsin took one of her hands and gave her knuckles a light kiss.

“I should go and check on Thaniel.” He reluctantly pulled away from her. “He should be awake soon, or so I hope.”

“Of course. I’ll go check the torches around the perimeter.”

“Join us when you’re done?”

“I’ll be there shortly.” She squeezed his hand again as she stood up.

Halsin watched her walk away as he rose from his seat. She turned over her shoulder and caught him staring. Rather than quickly averting their gazes as they had so many times before, they locked eyes for a moment and smiled. A new kind of warmth spread through his chest as she turned away again.

I can wait.

For the first time in so long someone cared about him, not just because they needed something or looked up to him. Because they wanted to be with him, and they wanted to be with him so badly that they would wait for him to be ready.

He just hoped he wouldn’t have to keep her waiting for long.

In his tent, Thaniel still remained in a sound slumber. At least his breathing had calmed, and his face looked much more peaceful than it had last night.

“We did it, Thaniel,” he whispered as the small boy’s soft snores filled his tent. “Oliver will be returned to your side, you’ll be whole again. I have so much to tell you, my friend.”

He sat and talked to Thaniel as he slept, holding one of his small hands. Telling him of their journey so far, of all the nights he tried to speak with him. He apologized for not making it back to Moonrise sooner, for leaving him in the clutches of the Shadowfell for so long. He told him about Tav, how she saved them.

Over one hundred years had passed since he’d seen Thaniel last, and he still had not changed one bit. As he continued to sleep, Halsin closed his eyes and offered another prayer of thanks to Silvanus for helping him to be reunited with his oldest friend.

A small groan took his attention away from his prayers. When he opened his eyes again, he saw Thaniel’s fluttering open as well. Tears started pouring down his face as soon as he saw those eyes filled with the very essence of nature itself.

His irises started as a deep brown, as rich as the soil beneath them before shifting to green, the color of the forest canopy. Small, golden tendrils cut their way through as the sun pierced the leaves of the trees before fading to a soft blue, mirroring that of the sky.

“Thaniel?” he asked quietly.

“Halsin Silverbough…you returned. I felt it when you crossed into this land.”

He let out a loud, relieved laugh as Thaniel sat up next to him, it took a great effort from him to do so.

“Easy, my friend.” Halsin helped him up.

“I told the man who was trapped with me to find you. He was a good friend to me while we were prisoners in the Shadowfell.”

“He found us. He led me to you.” Halsin sniffled and wiped his face on the back of his arm. “Thaniel, I…I’m so sorry. I wanted to find you that day. I wanted to bring you with us, away from these wretched shadows.”

“If you would have stayed, you would have been consumed. I am glad you made it to safety. And I knew you would return.” He reached up to rest a hand on Halsin’s cheek. “You opened your heart, and nature listened.”

“Just as you taught me.”

Sobs took over his body at feeling Thaniel’s touch. He reached out and pulled his friend close. Knowing that he never lost faith in him soothed away the guilt that had clawed at his insides for decades.

“I sensed someone else return with you as well.”

“Yes, Tav. She’s the one I told you about while you slept.” He smiled at the sound of her name on his lips. “She was here all those years ago as well.”

“Can I meet her?”

“Of course! She should be making her way over here soon.”

Thaniel’s tired smile drew forth another laugh from him. The tremendous joy of seeing him alive and well again gave Halsin all the confirmation he needed that he had made the right decision to come back.

The grove and the druids who resided there would recover in his absence, but Thaniel could not have been saved without him. This land could not have been saved had he stayed at the Emerald Grove.

As he sat and talked with Thaniel for a while longer, the young boy suddenly perked up, staring past Halsin’s shoulder.

“Hey…” Tav was approaching his tent with a surprised look on her face. “You’re awake.”

“Is this her?” Thaniel turned to him to ask.

“Yes, this is Tav. Tav, this is Thaniel,” he could barely choke the words out he was so excited to introduce them.

Halsin beamed as she knelt down to take Thaniel’s outstretched hand.

“The druid Halsin spoke to me while I slept. He told me how you fought shadows and risked your life to save us. You have my thanks.” Thaniel’s voice was soft and hoarse, still weak from his time in the Shadowfell.

“Happy to help.” Tav smiled as she patted his hand.

“But there is one final task to be done. One final anchor that holds the curse to these lands. For my land to heal, Ketheric Thorm must die.”

“I understand,” she whispered back to him.

“I remember your face.” Thaniel’s other hand reached up to touch Tav’s cheek. “I saw it here the day I was whisked away to the Shadowfell. You were running.”

She nodded back at him.

“Thank you for coming back.”                                    

Tav smiled as Thaniel’s hands dropped back to his side.

“Get some rest, Thaniel. We’ll take it from here.” Tav brushed a few hairs from his forehead.

Halsin stood watching them, an overwhelming feeling of relief spreading throughout him. Seeing his two dear friends meet was more than he could have ever hoped to experience over the past century.

“You were right, Halsin,” Thaniel smiled up at him, “she is beautiful.”

His eyes went wide, and he immediately blushed at Thaniel’s words, even more so when he saw the way Tav bit down on her lips to keep from smirking.

“You’re too sweet, Thaniel.” Tav tapped his nose before standing back up.

“Yes, so sweet.” Halsin scolded him playfully through gritted teeth. Thaniel just grinned back at him with a smug twinkle in his eyes. Despite the teasing, he couldn’t help but feel thankful that Thaniel’s mischievous side had made it out of the Shadowfell unscathed.

Tav took his hand and ushered him back toward the fire. He turned to wave at Thaniel over his shoulder.

Everyone else was just waking for the day, taking sleepy strides toward the fire for their morning meal.

“Morning, soldier. What’s on the agenda today?” Karlach hopped up from her seat to greet them.

Tav looked back to his tent at Thaniel who had now been joined by Oliver. The two fey boys sat together playing a clapping game with their hands. The slow, owlish turn of her head as she faced them again revealed a darkened expression.

“We’re going to kill Ketheric Thorm.”

***

Tav had prepped her gear for the day, checking the tension in her bow, the clasps of her armor, her stock of potions. She went over everything twice, dragging her feet to keep her from her responsibilities this morning.

But Halsin was waiting for her when she emerged from her tent.

“Are you ready?” he asked, his voice low and solemn.

“I need to talk to Arabella before we do anything else,” she sighed.

“I’ll join you.”

Arabella was in her usual spot near Withers. Despite being in their camp for days, she still hadn’t exhausted her repertoire of questions. The sight threatened to break her resolve, she found herself not wanting to crush that curiosity today. How unlucky for her though that Halsin was there to make sure she saw it through.

“Hey, you,” Arabella greeted them in a cheery voice. “I don’t s’pose you found anything out about mum and pops, did you?”

Tav knelt down to her level. Dread maintained its clawed grip in her chest.

“Arabella,” she sighed, placing a hand on her shoulder, “there’s no easy way to say this, love. We found your parents, but they were already dead.”

“What?” Arabella’s smile faded away.

“I’m sorry, little one,” Halsin said from behind Tav.

“I…I don’t believe you.” She took a step back, causing her tail to curl loosely around her leg and Tav’s hand to drop.

Tav tried to reach out for her, but she stepped away again.

“No!” she sobbed. “Get away from me, go!”

“Arabella, I’m so–”

“LEAVE ME ALONE!” Arabella cut her off to scream before running away to the other side of the camp.

Tav’s shoulders slumped forward as she ran away. She wanted to chase after her, to tell her that everything would be okay in the end.  Arabella had already endured so much, Tav hated to be the one to deliver even more ill tidings. She leaned onto Halsin’s arm as soon as he knelt next to her.

“So much death in these few days. Tev, Arabella’s parents, so many refugees and Harpers…” Tav was still preoccupied watching Arabella from across camp. She had curled into a ball, still sobbing into her knees pulled tight against her chest. Any attempt to go comfort her had been unsuccessful, but Karlach had at least managed to leave a small bowl of food next to her.

Eventually, Scratch made his way over to her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and cried into his fur, snuggling up against him in the dirt.

“It has been a difficult start to our time here, yes,” Halsin agreed, “but remember there has also been life flourishing even among the darkness.”

“I suppose.”

“Everyone at Last Light is alive because of you, my friend. You were able to save many of them from a terrible fate at Moonrise, you’ve given Arabella a safe place to stay, and you helped me bring Thaniel back.”

Tav wiped away the tears spilling down her cheeks.

“I do not know how many times I’ll have to say this, but it bears repeating until the sentiment sticks.” Halsin took both of her hands in his. “You are far too hard on yourself, Tav. Despite the incredible feats you’ve accomplished in such a short time you still don’t think you’ve done enough. I know there is still a long fight ahead of us, but do not downplay what you have achieved thus far.”

“You…you said ‘us’ just now,” she whispered.

“Of course,” he smiled back at her, “this is our fight, Tav. I promised you my aid, and you shall have it.”

“Then I guess we should get moving,” she sighed.

Halsin helped her to her feet, keeping a gentle hold on one of her hands as they walked out of camp.

The party started their day at Last Light Inn, checking in with the forces there for any potential updates.

Tav and Halsin informed Jaheira of their success with Thaniel as well as their intention to go to the mausoleum next. She let them know that the forces at Moonrise had been strangely quiet. They were no longer venturing out into the shadows, instead gathering their numbers at the towers.

Karlach and Wyll took on the unfortunate task of letting the other tieflings know of Komira and Locke’s fates. Arabella was still unwilling to talk with her this morning before they left, but she also didn’t seem willing to leave their camp.

Everyone else milled around the inn, trading and conversing with the others sheltering there. The Harpers and tieflings were generous enough to provide them with additional supplies for the upcoming fights. Special arrows, potions, and scrolls to get them through the next few days.

“Ah, there you are, I was wondering when you might make your way back here.” Tav heard a familiar voice call out to her.

She turned around to see Barcus Wroot standing behind her, a small package held in front of him.

“As promised, a small token of my appreciation for your efforts.” He held it out to Tav, who took it graciously.

“That’s kind of you Barcus, thank you. Something tells me we’ll need all the help we can get.”

She opened the small box to see a…bomb? There was also a small pile of gold.

“I call it the Brilliant Retort! A rather powerful explosive that would be sure to change the tide in any battle.”

She smiled back at him, but his face was distant.

“Is everything alright, Barcus? I thought you’d be happier now that Wulbren is back.”

“Ah, yes, well…” Barcus cleared his throat. “I’m afraid Wulbren isn’t much for speaking at this moment. Perhaps once we reach Baldur’s Gate, he’ll feel more inclined.”

“He won’t even speak with you? After you’ve travelled halfway across the godsdamned continent to find him? After you were enslaved in the Underdark on the way?!” Tav heard her voice rising.

She glanced around the inn, trying to catch a glimpse of him so she could give him a piece of her mind.

“Oh, it’s just Wulbren being well…Wulbren. He has been through a lot, after all. I’m sure everything will work itself out in the end.”

Unsuccessful in her search, Tav pursed her lips. “You know where to find me if it doesn’t.”

“That I do,” Barcus nodded, “I’m sure you’ll have the path forward cleared soon enough. I’ll wait here with the others for your next bout of heroics to come to an end.”

“Thank you, Barcus, for this.” Tav held up the small package before stashing it away as the rest of their adventuring party joined them. “We’ll talk soon.”

He turned to slink away, his shoulders slumped and his feet dragging across the floor.

“Alright, soldier, ready to get this show on the road?” Karlach bopped up next to her, slinging an arm around her shoulders.

“As I’ll ever be.”

***

Halsin shuddered as they made their way past the House of Healing. In this area of town, the shadows were especially dark and hungry. Despite the pixie blessing keeping them at bay, he could feel how they longed to seep into his very soul, to drag him down into the abyss with them.

Bones and armor littered the ground around them. Graves half-dug and empty lined every small plot of land. The bodies meant to fill them were likely among the scattered piles of bones, abandoned once that terrible darkness sprung forth from the tomb nearby.

The pathway leading up to the crypt was still familiar, even among the shadows. His last march here all those years ago came to the front of his mind. Members of Harpers and the Emerald Enclave working together to lay Ketheric Thorm to rest, to forever remove his blight from the world.

Halsin approached the opening to the mausoleum, his feet feeling heavier with each step. All along the outside were remnants of runes and glyphs, all meant to keep Thorm sealed away.

The door to the mausoleum had been obliterated when the curse was unleashed. The iron gates magically locked, bound by powerful rituals and spells to keep the entire resting place of the Thorm family isolated from the world. Seeing their state now, Halsin realized just how futile their attempt had been. The rungs of the gates were warped and twisted, poking out in every direction leaving a gaping hole in the entryway.

He ran his fingers along the rocky cliffside. They caught on the grooves that had been carved by him and his mentor. When he closed his eyes, he could still feel the approving pat on the shoulder he had given Halsin when he finished etching his piece of the sigil.

Tav stood nearby, studying a few Harper runes.

“Hard to believe these are still here,” she mused. “Especially with what little good they did.”

“I remember carving them, feeling satisfied. We were already mourning of course, so many lives had been lost before making our way here.” Halsin paused to take a deep breath. “But there was at least a happiness of knowing we had succeeded. That the remaining Dark Justiciars were being fought back as we sealed Ketheric Thorm away for good.”

“Yes, that’s unfortunately where my squad was fighting. I suppose the lucky part was that we were further from the strongest of the shadows.” She shuddered at the memory.

“Master Alwin fell quickly,” he said softly. “I had to…”

Halsin saw the understanding look in Tav’s eyes even through his tear-blurred vision.

“I had to cut down his corpse.”

He sighed as he felt Tav’s fingers intertwine with his own.

“I’m so sorry,” she whispered back. “I don’t wish that on anyone.”

“This small area looks like a battlefield in its own right,” Wyll remarked as he studied the piles of bones and rusted armor around them.

“It was of sorts.” Halsin turned to face him, drying his eyes in the process. “The curse sprang forth from the mausoleum, decimating everything in its path. Those of us that survived the initial wave did so out of sheer luck.”

Gale whistled as he inspected the mangled iron gate. “If the state of that entryway is any indicator–”

A sudden smell of sulfur in the air caused them all to freeze.

“Our hero thought but of treasure ahead, did not consider the peace of the dead…”

The sound of weapons unsheathing echoed in the air at the unexpected intrusion. They whipped around to see Raphael standing behind them.

“Through the dark she went creeping, and awoke what was sleeping.”

“A warning? Oh, Raphael, don’t tell me you’re worried about us,” Tav shot back with a sweet smile.

“Merely protecting my assets, my dear,” he assured her with a shallow bow. “I will admit I’ve grown quite fond of you, in my own way. I thought it would be only fair to warn you about the dangers ahead.”

“Oh? And what would be the cost of this warning? Or are you just feeling particularly altruistic today?”

“No cost, just a simple proposition between friends. You help me…” Raphael turned his attention to Astarion.

“I help you.”

[pendragaryen]

Merry christmas, my dear friends, mutuals and followers and all the best wishes for the upcoming new year! 🧡🫶🏻🧡🫶🏻🧡🫶🏻🧡

The last bit of 2022 and the whole of 2023 have not been very kind to my family - and so I'm standing here today, looking back at the past 13 months and finding myself almost back and stuck in the emotional state that I had been in after the separation from my long time boyfriend/life partner in 2009... That was a very dark time. I was trying to live and breathe with a constant black hole in my chest and soul for a couple of years then... I felt so empty and lost. I had a very similar feeling for the span of a couple of months after I had been kicked out of my job in 2017. But nothing, and I mean it, nothing has the rug under my feet pulled away and made me hit rock bottom like the cancer illness of my sister, the death of my grandma and now the fact that my mum is diagnosed with a tumor in her spine, all in the span of just 13 months... Please, we all need some rest in my family so desperately. But now we're all very anxious bc of the surgery my mum has to go through at the 12th of january. It's a difficult surgery. No-one knows for sure at this point what kind of a tumor it is. It causes her legs getting more and more numb and if they don't do anything, the risk of her ending up using a wheelchair rather sooner than later seems very likely. If the tumor should be malignant (please, god, no, NO!) the consequences would be even worse bc it could've spread already... But the fact that the doctors pushed for a fast surgery likely speaks for the possibility that the tumor is benign and seated in just one place... Well you see, this really keeps me busy... We all hope desperately that she will get better after the surgery, and not worse... We have plans! We want to travel together again! To the Netherlands next! Or to Danmark!

Don't get me wrong, there HAD been good things that happened in the last year, not at least the fact that my sister is now considered as cured. We're all so relieved and thankful, I have no words for it! But then... the death of our grandma... and now the tumor and surgery of my mother... I feel like i'm trapped in a constant state of emotional stress, like standing in the dark and screaming into the void with nobody being able to hear me... I can't even begin to imagine how my sister must've felt or how my mum is feeling now. Sometimes I think I'm too empathetic, the way I suffer with and for my beloved ones... that can't be healthy. I'm so tired.

Sorry to bother you with all this. I'm not around here that often anymore. Sadly I have to say I lost joy in many things I once loved or loved to do over the course of the last years. I'm unmotivated most of the time. But now... I have to function, I have to be there for my mum. It'll take half a year at least for her to recover from her surgery (if everything goes well - fingers crossed please!!!) and so I have to be strong - and I WILL be strong! For her! For my family! I hope my sister will support me then... The relationship of her and our mom is a little difficult... Sadly. But she's working on it..

I said I lost the joy in many things I loved once, but one thing I'll never get tired of is, on the rare occasions I visit this site, to read you all at our weekly BFSN, to see the 100 fam still being so creative and devoted, so that our favorite show never really gets forgotten. Thank you so much for that! And please keep tagging me in things! I read you, look at your photos, and I smile, even though I may not answer. This little corner of our fandom is so dear to me, it's almost a little like homecoming when I log in here. A comfort place.

Thank you all for your kind, empathetic, couraging, and motivational words at the last BFSN. I appreciate each and every one of it.

I hope the year has been kind to y'all and that these christmas holidays and the new year will be filled with tons of health, luck and love for you and all of us! Here's to a well deserved rest for us all!

And may we meet again. Here and in words. Maybe one day in person? Who knows?

Always.

Anne

@sunflowerkru: @togetherkru @carrieeve @ninappon @roguetwelve @bellamyblake @jeanie205 @geekyogicheese @natassakar @heartbellamy @okmcintyre @immortalpramheda @igotbellarkeforthat @infp-with-all-the-feelings @isweartobreathe @kizo2703 @travllingbunny @bookwormforalways @lee-em-dee @julibernardo @broashwhat @its-tea-time-darling @delicatebluebirdruins (and each and everyone else I maybe forgot, please excuse me)

[israaverse]

I'm sorry if someone asked this before, but what sources do you use for your Canaanite myths series? I'd love to read more on the myths, your art is so inspirational. Are they in English, Arabic, or something else entirely? Thank you, don't feel forced to respond 🧡

hey there!! thank you so much!

I have a very short list here of stuff I'm reading or currently reading, all in english. the first one is accessible without an institution login (iirc) but unfortunately the rest are not. i know i have a bit more pulled up on the internet archive but the tragedy of it being down is really felt here :( I'm thinking of finding a way to put together a list of stuff I really like of Canaan myth because i've gotten a lot of these messages lately! maybe a document or something, because i personally have struggled REALLY bad with finding a translation/dissection of the Baal Cycle that isnt 1. stupid old, 2. really biased (biblical lens) or 3. 300 bucks, so if i find smth like that that is open source i will ABSOLUTELY keep you all posted.

your question about language specifically got me thinking, i'm sure that there has to be a lot of hebrew or yiddish (older) stuff out there about this. unfortunately zionism likes to co-opt history but it may be relevant when looking. also unfortunately, my arabic is nowhere near good enough to read any scholarly articles (i'm still relearning, i have to sound things out very slowly and only do well with the harakat, much less know definitions).

that reminds me, i once found on google books a scan of something that linked the root word of Anat's name, 'nt, to 'anwat, meaning forceful/forcing as in violent in arabic. i'll see if i can find that as well. i'll try to keep finding stuff that people can access without uni logins but even then there's a ton of stuff on Brill that even i cant get to and dont know about. that's one of my greatest gripes about the academy, the hiding and clandestinization of knowledge instead of its dissemination. i really think anyone should be able to access scholarly articles, but thats just me lol (/sarcasm, lighthearted)

long story short, i'll try and keep up on it! for now ill try and tag things as #canaan resources, or #history resources. ill worry about the logistics later. thanks agaib for the message, im always so happy to hear other people are interested in this! again i HIGHLY recommend the first article by Lloyd in the linked post, hes really poignant and diligent!

[brittle-doughie]

Gift Mode | Keeping Quiet | Little Ones | Wandering Part 3 (Jellywalker AU)

One of you anons was pretty enthusiastic to request more of this AU. I did finish these sooner then I expected, so forgive me if there’s more goofs then usual in this 4 prompt post!

Gift Mode

Seeing you being gifted various amounts of trinkets and items by your horde members didn’t go undocumented by Wasabi Cookie. It would range from standard jellies to the rare rainbow jelly that they could find, this was another odd behavior indicated and displayed only in this horde, but considering this was your horde, she shouldn’t be surprised that the walker gang is displaying all manners of odd behaviors.

Of course, one way or another, the surviving gang finds out that the walkers coddle you for the time the infected isn’t attacking things. Cherry Cookie had half a mind to just head on over and blow them up, but Brave and the others settled her down. Fairy Cookie is just annoyed, if the walkers grow too close to you, then the chances of you willingly wishing to return back to normal grow dim. They had to change the tide by providing their own gifts to you too!

Ninja Cookie agrees on this aspect, he doesn’t wish for you to be uncomfortable and afraid for when they bring this proposition to you. Being forceful about it will mean you’re less likely to trust them, not to mention the obvious giant mass of walkers that will tear them to shreds if they step over the line. Wasabi can conclude that if the group is able to gain a more positive opinion from you, it should a breeze to offer the cure to you later

The gift-giving would begin when a horde member would bring you what they found up ahead, it was a bowl of jellies with a tag that says the name of who’ve brought it. The infected group are not familiar with this gesture, so they didn’t think much of it, or at all. You, still having the recollection of your memories, appreciated the gesture.

The more sensitive gift giving walker cookies like Blackberry or Cotton Candy probably will catch on to these gifts being delivered from outside forces from the way you smile and enjoy the gifts. This will increase their own gift giving efforts as the other members of the swarm follow after with their own attempts at giving gifts. This does lead to some in-fighting again over who can get the best type of gift for you.

But the main enemy of the gift giving were the culprits of these random gifts they keep finding in their path. They couldn’t even throw them away or ditch them as they didn’t wish to deny their horde heart of any possible sustenance, so they begrudgingly hand them to you.

The survivors are glad to see their efforts are working, but they can spot the swarm’s agitation at outside forces trying to get to their heart. They need to stay out of sight when giving more gifts in the future, something tells them the horde will not show mercy if they spot them….

Keeping Quiet

Even with your mind muddied by the infection, you can still have feelings of irritation, towards your own horde in particular. This usually happens if they fail to listen to what you had to say and act belligerently, leaving you angrily grumbling to yourself, it may leave the jellied cookies around you to awkwardly grumble and display a feeling of being apologetic to you.

Yes, they were trying to protect you, but if the surviving cookies meant no ill will, they are to be left alone. After a major incident involving the horde being triggered by an unintentional provocation by a group of survivors, you lead away from the group at the front, separating from them..and taking the lead.

Blackberry Walker and Firewalker tried to follow after you closely, but you made it clear that you wish to be away from the horde for a while. They were hurt, but they understood.

Other jellied cookies would try their luck in trying to earn your favor, but they were met with the same silence every time. It really sinks in to them that they’ve done messed up this time. With the near hivemind levels of the horde, they all come to the conclusion to try their best to win back your favor in a different way.

And that would be passing by groups of surviving cookies and NOT fly into a protective aggression against them. It was hard to wrangle the boss walkers into compliance without your help, but it was done. If they can show that they have the willpower to leave innocent survivors be, then you’ll have to accept them back!

The biggest test came when a young surviving cookie accidentally struck their bouncy ball at you, sending you back a little. A feeling of terror washed over you as you expected the swarm to immediately attack this cookie, but seconds came and went, and the horde was still behind you. Shaking in rage, but only just glaring at the cookie to get on out of there.

The cookie grabs their ball and runs off out of view, you felt the tension finally leave you as you turn to your horde, looking to you with anticipation, a gap in the group made for you to walk right into. You couldn’t have rejoined the mob quicker enough.

Little Ones

I had no idea that around the time I started writing, OliveNARA would make a Jellywalker crisis series. Y’all should check it out.

Unfortunately, the virus didn’t spare anyone, and that includes the younger cookies.

Younger cookies within the horde were protected by fellow members of the swarm, if it wasn’t Y/N Cookie, meaning harm to the little ones will earn you the fury of the infected. Any one of them that’s injured is quickly healed up by the infected healers in the group and you would hand them gifts as well to really bring them down to normal.

The younger cookies aren’t as aggressive as the others and tend to stay away from the fighting at the back of the horde, they’ll be moved back there by other walkers if a fight does pick up. They’re still treated with caution as they will attack if given no other choice. You wanted to stand at the frontline when it comes to protecting the little ones, but the swarm is insistent on keeping you at the middle while the strongest the horde has is at the front instead!

You’d spend time with Onion Walker alongside Blackberry Walker similarly to how you would back in the living days. You would be one of the few cookies that would stop her crying, Blackberry being the other.

The Chess Choco Walkers’ chess playing remain after the virus has struck them and would like to play with you every now and then. The infection does throw strategy out the window, but it makes the two cookies happy enough!

Walnut Walker still retains her detective skills as you would often join along with her to whatever random clue hunt her infected mind can bring up. She once found an old bowler hat that she gave you, an approving grumble leaving you as she liked how the hat fits you!

You and the other horde members treated the younger walkers with the care they needed. It seemed the infection left out the caring part of their minds if they could display this level of passiveness and even a sense of protectiveness for the little cookies.

Wandering Part 3

The group was relieved to see you brought back to normal, your eyes retained their shape again and the jelly is all gone from your body. The surviving cookies weee glad to see the cure had worked and it was great news to Wasabi, now she just needed to deliver this news to Aloe!

However, those plans may be wrenched a little when Moonlight Walker started to reactively twitch and recoil as she could feel the connection between her and Y/N Cookie severed as she convulsed..before letting out a shriek that sounded throughout the forest.

The horde was immediately called in and some were visibly caught by surprised to see Y/N Cookie not resembling then anymore and the connection in the head is broken, leaving them unable to directly pinpoint your feelings, location, etc. They can still recognize in the end and so did they for the Brave gang, but the Brave gang only infuriated the infected.

Moonwalker was thankfully able to snap out of her depressed stupor and making snarling and grumbling sounds to the infected gang, likely explaining the situation. They had to hold back a bunch of hate for the Brave gang for tainting your precious head with suggestions of this cure! It was for your sake however, so they held back on ripping them apart for now..

It was rather odd to merge back into your horde with your infection no longer persisting. You didn’t mind the continued gifts and offerings of food, but you were more watchful to see if they’re safe to eat, the cure would’ve been for nothing if you had gotten reinfected a little later. While the walkers were bummed out that you didn’t actively seek to reconnect your mind with theirs, they decided to just keep holding onto you. They didn’t trust those living cookies at all despite Brave making the proposition to create more of the cure for all of them.

You’d cross that bridge when you got to it, but for now, you had to knowingly manage your infected party who still treated you with the same level of care as previously. Perhaps waiting for more of the cure wouldn’t be so bad…

[sienna-the-doe]

... Some important Plurality and DID feelings under the post.

I guess we're gonna have to really take the time to get to know ourselves better again. all of ourselves. Being plural sometimes can mean parts come and go but sometimes those parts take important things when they go. I think we really need to search this treehouse and find pieces we know are missing. they have been for too long and none of us could or wanted to acknowledge the gaping holes where rooms used to be. where personalities and people used to be. those people always leave things that they had that were important to us as a system. to us as a Whole. keys. bits of information. tiny fragments of hope, wonder, awe, curiosity,... goals.... dreams.... our sense of who we are and what we want to do and be.

But things have changed. Finally we've acknowledged that things *really are this bad.* and maybe searching for pieces means losing another Person in the treehouse, but it might mean gaining back who we were. who we *are.* and most importantly I think of all... I think We might be able to decide who we want to be.

so yeah. we'll make this next bit its own post too, but...

Lets introduce ourselves. Our system's general name is Sienna its easy that way. This blog is run by me, Sienna Marie (she/they). I'm usually the one of us in control of this shitshow, and am in a fun little relationship with my headmate Kiera.

Speaking of, Kiera (She/her) will be picking @kiera-the-elk back up again soon! More often than not Kiera and I will usually both be around at the same time later at night when its harder for only one of us to keep this treehouse in order.

Our newest friend, and the third most likely to see in general doesnt have a blog yet, is named Aeris (he/she/they/it) and is a little deerthing made of slime. :3 Its gender is really dependent on how his day is and what she feels fits. (Posts on this blog by Aeris will be tagged #slimewords)

@tex-as-toast will be being picked up again soon probably by Tex (He/they). not much to say about Tex that theyd let me talk about. Ill leave that to him on his blog.

Sam (she/they), or Tech as I lovingly call them by, doesnt have a blog of her own yet. might make one, might not. Kiera and I are trying to convince her to have a space. (Posts here from Sam will be tagged #techstore)

August (she/her) most likely wont be around much. she keeps to herself and would rather keep it that way. (she aint gonna post ever)

thats all of us!!! I hope all of us can get to known you

[saintshigaraki]

A penny for your thoughts? And by thoughts I mean book recommendations I feel like you’ve got some good ones 🤲🏼

anon my beloved <33 of course!! im way too lazy to go back and look at what I've recommended before so some (or maybe even a lot) of these might be repeat recommendations, so im sorry in advance for that lmaoo

medieval/early christianity recommendations make up the bulk of these as that's usually what i actively seek out, so there's not a huge variety rip

holy feast and holy fast, fragmentation and redemption, and jesus as mother are all by caroline walker bynum and i can not stress enough that if you're even slightly interested in medieval christianity, she's the perfect introduction. interesting, informative, and relatively easy to understand even if you've never delved into the subject matter before. there's a reason she's the first i go to when people ask for recs.

gendered voices edited by catherine mooney. a collection of essays about female saints and their interpreters. another relatively easy-to-understand intro to medieval christianity.

medieval women's visionary literature edited by elizabeth petroff. an AMAZING collection of primary sources focused on female religious figures in early christianity (specifically the visionaries as seen in the title) truly can not recommend this enough. super informative introductions to all the primary sources which, again, makes it accessible to people who haven't really studied the subject matter before.

clare of assisi and the thirteenth-century church by catherine mooney. this one im a little more hesitant to recommend simply because the focus of it is so narrow as it is mainly centered around clare of assisi (though i think she is fascinating) but its also super informative about the state of the Church in the 13th century and the politics at play during that time, so i think it's worth checking out.

the burden of flesh by teresa shaw. centered around female ascetic practices in the early church, mostly fasting related. i recommend reading it and then reading rudolph bell's holy anorexia. shaw covers some of the earlier practices and bell covers mid to late medieval practices (from what i remember).

body and soul: essays on medieval women and mysticism edited by elizabeth petroff. as the title shows, this is another collection of essays. if you are at all interested in mystics i really cant recommend this enough. one of my favorite collections besides gendered voices.

if you're at all interested in the type of consumption i talk about on here from time to time what's eating you: food and horror on screen edited by cynthia j miller is a must read. i come back to it constantly.

i think later ill circle back and add some poetry recommendations, or hopefully ill just be able to like. find the post I've done on it and link it. i hope you find any of these useful and/or interesting!!

[cafedanslanuit]

♡   —   pairing: eren x reader

♡   —   tags/warnings: mentions of cheating and alcohol. side aruani and yumihisu. honestly just a feel-good fic, with humour and fluff <3

♡   —   a/n:  honestly, this is the most “romantic comedy” fic i’ve ever written and i love it <3 shout out to @ofoceansandtombstones​ that beta read this one mwah thank u

♡   —   masterlist

There was an ill taste in your mouth that wouldn’t go away, no matter how many drinks you had. And you already had more than a few. From your spot on the table, you could see your friends dancing and having the time of their lives. You really wished you could join them. Nevertheless, you had wasted all your energy forcing a smile and clapping along during the ceremony. Once you had arrived at the hotel reception with the rest of the guests, you had slid a bill to a kind waitress and told her to keep the drinks coming. 

Ymir and Historia were dancing in front of you. Stoic, sour-faced Ymir couldn’t help but smile as her sweet girlfriend twirled and giggled, her cheeks red and eyes just the tiniest bit unfocused. Next to them, Sasha, Jean and Connie were owning the dance floor, moving in sync to the happy music. A grin formed on your face as you saw Connie lifting Sasha up and her almost falling to the floor. Jean was holding his stomach as he laughed loudly.

On a nearby table, Mikasa looked over at them, a small smile on his lips. She was sitting next to her girlfriend, who was holding her hand as they watched their friends dance. You saw her girlfriend leaning over to her and whispering something in her ear, to which she chuckled. It was so strange -and so beautiful- to see Mikasa laugh that it took you aback. And apparently, also the girl she was with, because her lips slightly parted as she watched her in awe.

“How’s the party animal doing?”

You looked up and saw Eren staring down at you with a funny expression. He was wearing black dress pants and a white shirt. The first two buttons were undone, and he was carrying his suit jacket over his shoulder and a beer on his other hand.

“Someone’s gotta keep an eye out for everyone,” you replied with a shrug. Eren scoffed and took the seat next to you on the empty table, leaving his jacket on the nearest chair.

“I mean, I know attending your ex’s wedding isn’t bound to be a good time, but you’d think you would try to put on a happy face.”

You rolled your eyes. “Hey, at least I’m here.”

“After Mikasa tried her best to convince you during a whole week,” he said. You turned your head to Eren, eyes wide open. “What? Of course she told me.”

“That little… That’s it, I’m going to tell her girlfriend about that one time Mikasa got drunk with us,” you muttered angrily, standing up. Eren was quicker and pulled you back to your seat.

“You and Armin broke up a year ago. Why are you so upset he’s moving on?”

Before you could answer, the music stopped and the dance floor erupted in applause. Eren and you watched as Armin and Annie walked in between their guests, greeting everyone as they made their way to the bride and groom table, covered with a pearl cloth and decorated with the finest flowers. Every detail screamed elegance and you knew Armin had been the one to decide most of it. It had his taste written in every napkin and strategically placed flower.

Armin’s smile was almost too big for his face and if you had to guess, those small red marks on the external corner of his eyes meant he had been crying just a few minutes ago. You rolled your eyes. So sentimental. On the other hand, Annie’s smile was far less noticeable, but for someone who always repressed her public displays of emotions as much, that little smile must have felt heavenly to her new husband.

Husband. You took a big gulp of your drink.

“I’m telling you this because I care for you,” Eren said, redirecting your attention to him. “You’re looking like a petty ex.”

“Rather be petty than a cheater,” you shrugged, finishing your drink. You gestured to the waitress and she immediately walked to you, handing you a full glass. Thanking her, you wasted no time in taking a sip.

Eren’s eyebrows were deeply furrowed. “What do you mean?”

“Armin never told you why we broke up, right?”

Eren scooted his chair closer to you and you bit back a laugh.

“He said you just weren’t good together,” he said, trying to remember his friend’s words. “And you said something similar when I asked you back then. Where does this ‘cheating’ thing come from?”

You let out a long sigh. “Maybe it wasn’t cheating. Not by definition, at least. But when your boyfriend starts dating someone else a week after you broke up a two-year-long relationship and he gets engaged four months later… you draw your own conclusions,” you explained, taking another sip of your drink and making a grimace. “Fuck, this one’s strong.”

After not getting a response from Eren for a long moment, you finally turned to look for his emerald eyes. You could almost see the numbers flying around his mind, trying to make sense of everything you had just told him. It was endearing.

“Wait, no-- wait,” Eren gestured at you with his hand. He stopped himself again and took a sip of his beer. “The first time Armin told me about Annie was in February. I remember it clearly. We were shopping for Mikasa’s birthday gift and then he went to pick something for Annie. And you guys broke up around Halloween, that’s the time I found you crying-- in Jean's backyard during our costume party.”

“We had a big fight at that party. We hadn’t broken up,” you clarified with a smirk. “He broke up with me after Mikasa’s birthday party. The same party he convinced me not to attend.”

Eren’s face dropped once all the pieces clicked together. He turned his body to look at the bride and groom table, where Armin and Annie were taking a sip of their champagne glasses and talking to each other enthusiastically, while the rest of their guests kept dancing.

“That son of a bitch,” he breathed out. You burst out laughing at his reaction. “No, I mean it! I really thought you had broken up during that Halloween party! You didn’t upload any more photos together, I don’t even remember even seeing you together--”

“I told you, we were fighting and… not in the mood for photos or public dates. Most of those months were spent at his apartment, fighting over really, really stupid things or just not texting each other for days,” you explained. “Honestly, when he broke up with me he made the decision I was too afraid to take. He was right, we weren’t good for each other anymore. But... fuck,” you chuckled icily. “I wish he would have broken up with me before getting with Annie.”

Eren listened in silence, his eyes still on his friend. You gave him time as you kept drinking, your gaze drifting to your friends again. You really wished you could have the energy to join them and forget Armin and Annie. It was true you didn’t love him anymore, yet seeing them together only made you remember how you had been fooled by someone you thought loved you the most.

You had had many dates ever since, but no one ever stuck. It was fun, getting someone’s attention for a couple of weeks, but then you couldn’t help but ghost them, putting up shitty excuses like wanting to focus on yourself and not having enough time to spare with them. You had lost so many amazing opportunities with both boys and girls that a couple of months ago you had decided to stop dating at all. It was lonely for sure, but at least you didn’t find yourself feeling guilty for not being able to open yourself up emotionally for someone else.

“Want to get back at him?”

You turned to Eren so fast you almost hurt your neck.

“What?”

“I have an idea. Just play along,” he explained, standing up.

“Eren, hey, what are you--”

“Everybody! If you could give me a minute please!”

You watched horrified as your friends started turning to you and Eren, confused at the commotion. Eren kept waving his hand, gathering more and more people’s attention, Armin and Annie included. He even gestured to the DJ to lower the music and she complied. In a few seconds, all the guests of the party were looking at you, who was still sitting down with a confused expression, a drink in your hand. Once he deemed enough people were looking at him, you saw him fumbling with his hands nervously.

“Eren,” you called for him again in a whisper, but all he did was take the drink you had in your hands and put it on the table.

“Sorry for interrupting, I know a lot of you were having a lot of fun dancing. But all I’m asking is one minute of your time. I hope that’s okay with you guys,” he grinned back to the bride and groom table, where they were as confused as all the guests around. “I have something really important to say.”

“Eren, no, you can’t tell them about--”

“No, no, give me a moment,” he hushed you again. The DJ walked to both of you and handed an inalambric microphone to Eren.

You didn’t like how devilish his smile turned.

“Great, thanks, this is much better,” he told the DJ, who just kindly smiled at him. “Anyway, I don’t want to take much of the bride and groom’s time, so I’ll try to be concise. The thing is…” he said, turning to face you. “I love you.”

Your mouth flew open as you heard multiple gasps coming from the guests. Yet, you couldn’t bother with looking anywhere but Eren’s eyes. What was he doing? Since when did he have feelings for you? If he wanted to say something, he could have easily said something a few minutes ago, when--

Just play along.

Oh.

Your questioning glare turned into a big smile and you noticed Eren softly nodding at you.

“You already know how much I love you. Honestly, I never get tired of telling you so. And hiding our love from our friends has probably been the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Sorry about that, Mikasa,” he said, gesturing to the woman.

You could imagine your friend’s dumbfounded face, but you knew better than to turn and check for yourself. You knew you wouldn’t be able to hold in your laughter.

“So I’m here in front of all our friends and some other guests I don’t know to ask a simple question.”

In a swift movement, Eren got down on one knee. Your hand flew to cover your mouth, trying your best to hide any trace of laughing on your face. The flash of the cameras startled you for a moment, but that only meant Eren’s plan was working. The excited murmurs and squeals only fueled Eren, as he pulled up a ring and showed it to you. You immediately recognized it as one of the rings he had been wearing a few moments ago. 

“Would you marry me?”

A huge, honest grin made its way to your face and you nodded quickly. You grabbed the microphone Eren was holding and spoke right into it.

“Yes, I’ll marry you!”

You hadn’t listened to a crowd erupting in applause and cheers as loud as the guests at Armin’s wedding when Eren slid his ring on your finger. Once again, the flash of the cameras were right into the both of you as you leaped into his arms. He stood up while holding your body close to him, even giving you a small spin and you buried your face in the crook of his neck.

When he finally put you down, the music resumed and all your friends began running to the both of you.

“You’re fucking crazy,” you whispered to Eren, holding his face between your hands. He laughed.

“Kinda ruined the reception, huh?”

“When the fuck did this happen?” Jean inquired as soon as he reached you.

“Dude, why didn’t you tell us?” Sasha whined, with a small pout. “But congratulations!” she quickly followed, hugging you tightly. As you hugged her back, you felt someone taking the hand that was now wearing Eren’s ring.

“This is one of your rings,” she noted, shooting Eren a dirty glance. He lifted his hands in surrender.

“Hey, I didn’t plan this! But I will get her a prettier one soon,” he said, winking at you. You laughed and shook your head.

“Nah, I like this one,” you replied. You shared a knowing grin and soon it was Connie’s turn to hug you.

While you were hugging your friend back, you saw in the corner of your eye Armin getting up from the table and starting to walk to both of you. Your smile immediately vanished from your face and once Eren caught it and followed your eye trail, he understood the reason why. You heard him mutter a curse before he pulled you from Connie’s embrace.

“Well, we’d love to stay, but my fiancée and I want some time alone.”

“C’mon, you haven’t told us yet how you got together!” Sasha complained.

“Next time, we promise,” you hurriedly assured her.

Eren picked his suit jacket from the table and before Armin could reach your group, you quickly walked away, exiting the hotel. Eren whistled to a taxi and you jumped inside, telling the man behind the wheel to drive. Loud laughter filled the vehicle as soon as it began moving.

“How-- how did you even have this idea?” you asked him, holding your stomach as you laughed. “Dude, Armin looked so upset, we totally stole his thunder.”

“That was the plan,” Eren shrugged, a winning smirk on his lips. “Knowing the gang, everybody’s going to be talking about us and the engagement for the rest of the party.”

“Remind me to never have you as an enemy,” you chuckled, leaning back on the car seat. Letting out a long sigh, you took off Eren’s ring and handed it to him.

He shook his head. “Nah, keep it. As a souvenir of today,” he winked.

“Thank you,” you smiled. You put the ring on your thumb this time, since it was too big for your ring finger anyway. “You didn’t have to do this at all, and yet--”

“It’s okay,” he assured you.

“No, really. It’s just-- I’ve been having a tough time since the breakup,” you admitted. “To have you doing this for me means a lot. Makes me feel someone really cares for me. I never said anything to anyone back then because Annie is also a part of the group and I thought…”

Eren leaned his head towards you.

“You thought…?”

“I thought you would pick her too. It’s stupid, I know,” you shrugged, turning your head to Eren. “But Armin had just broken up with me and a week later he was already in public with Annie. Back then, I thought everyone knew we had just broken up and if no one had said anything was because they didn’t care. So I just… stopped hanging out with all of you as much as I did before.”

“Yeah, I noticed that,” he muttered.

“You did?”

Eren nodded. “That’s why I asked Mikasa to pressure you into coming to the wedding. I hadn’t seen you in a while.”

“You could have just asked me to hang out, you know,” you teased him. Eren chuckled, pushing some of his loose hairs behind his ear.

“I think we know by now I don’t take the conventional route.”

“Yeah, all of the guests know that too,” you quipped, making both of you laugh.

This time, when the laughter came to an end, you realized how close your faces were. Your noses were almost brushing as you both were lying your heads on the back of the car seat. You looked into Eren’s emerald eyes and noticed he wasn’t looking away from yours either. Was it the alcohol that made his cheeks turn a lovely shade of pink? If it was, then you could say the warmth crawling up your face was its fault too. It had to be the alcohol, or else, you would have to also ponder about the reason your heart was beating out of your chest at having your friend so close to you. He was handsome, he had always been and you knew this. But why were you losing all your composure just now?

A brief look at Eren's lips gave your thoughts away and, in less than two seconds, he was pressing his lips against yours.

For a spur-of-the-moment kiss, as you thought this one was, it was rather soft. Eren kissed you as if he thought you were the most expensive and fragile thing he had ever seen. But of course, this was just a product of the adrenaline and the fact that -as far as you knew- he hadn’t been dating anyone as well, right?

Your small theory crashed and burnt when you felt his hand softly cradling the side of your face. No. This wasn’t an adrenaline kiss, neither one that you gave without a thought. Maybe it had been unprompted and maybe you hadn’t seen it coming, but it sure as hell seemed he did. Eren’s lips gilded against your with ease, revealing a soft tenderness you didn’t know he possessed. You kissed him back, matching his rhythm as you softly pressed your hand against his chest.

Eren pulled away from you softly, and if his longing eyes were any indicator, a bit reluctantly.

“Hi,” he breathed out, making you grin widely.

“Hi,” you replied. You gently caressed his cheek with the knuckles of the hand that was previously resting on his chest. Eren took it and kissed your palm, making your heart flutter.

“Sorry to interrupt kids, but where are we heading?”

The voice of the taxi driver startled you, making you pull away from Eren. He chuckled at your reaction and then looked back at the man.

“Take us to that pizza place near the central park. Gotta have a celebratory dinner with my fiancée,” he said cheekily, taking your hand into his. You squeezed his hand back, his ring digging a little on your skin.

“So young and engaged already? Congrats!” the driver said, turning left and heading towards the direction Eren had given him.

“Thank you!” you smiled brightly at Eren while he took your joint hands to his mouth and placed a kiss on your knuckles.

A part of you knew you weren’t taking that ring off anytime soon.

[poptod]

Cyber Security (Elliot Alderson)

Description: An online ad leads him to you, though in reality he has little interest in your ad. What interests him is how you accidentally doxxed yourself and how oblivious you are to that fact.

Notes: idrk what to say about this one its one of those things that i wrote at midnight after almost falling asleep to a fantasy and then realizing it could work as a fic. like i did this same thing with ‘close your eyes’ that one was also a before-bed-to-get-to-sleep fantasy. this is also not a particularly romantic interaction, though it can be read as such WC: 2.2k

+

Sweat drenched his sheets, bathing him in the cold wind that breezed past his only air conditioner lodged in a nearby window. He stared blankly upwards, half shivering and half overheated, as he once again found himself in a familiar predicament—the practice of sleep.

It was no secret he had trouble calming himself down, and that aspect of himself reached into the evening, as well. He already downed three melatonin pills hours earlier, along with smoking a joint that should’ve put him to bed. Unsurprisingly, that did not work.

“Xanax,” he mumbled to himself, hearing it bounce back from empty walls. “Need to get xanax.”

In the meantime he raised himself to his feet, padding across freezing floors to his computer. With a click of a button the white screen buzzed to life, shining bright onto his sleep-heavy eyes, that did their best to acclimatize to the sudden change.

Hypnotization—strange as it might’ve been—had worked a couple times before. Not all the time, but decently enough to give it a try. He had work in the morning and he didn’t need to be more miserable than usual, especially since he hadn’t slept almost the entire weekend.

sleep hypnosis

The blinker flickered for a moment before his fourth finger slammed down on enter, the last step in calculated movements. What popped up first was a video titled [ SLEEP HYPNOSIS ] 8 Hour Loop with a screencap of a spinning black and white screen. Below that, however, was something he hadn’t seen before—a YouTube video titled exactly what he’d typed, lacking the caps just as he had. The title screen appeared to be some sort of poorly-drawn painting.

Curiosity overcame his hazy, aching head, and he clicked, finding a playlist of videos containing what could be the titles of songs, along with several different poorly-drawn title screens.

The first video began to play before he could realize it. What he first noticed was it was bereft of ads—that meant the publisher made no money off the album.

Sat in the presence of God

whose name means filthy old fraud

Captions had been manually added by, he assumed, you. The author. There were three views on the video, no comments, and no likes, leaving few other options.

Maybe it was the melody—maybe the lyrics, who talked of a world plagued by aristocrats. But he found his eyelids heavy, dropping dark eyelashes in his vision that blurred the screen. By the third song, reciting verses of an Islamic poem, he was slouched in his seat.

He slid down to the floor, crawling his way back to flop onto his bed. The music continued to play till the first ad popped up, at which time he opened his eyes, seeing a music video from Katy Perry, at which time he promptly reached over and unplugged his computer. He wasn’t sure which cord he pulled out, but the screen still went black. With that, he just barely sneaked into his covers, dozing until the morning.

It was far too easy to get information on you. Your full name was stated clearly in your youtube bio, alongside several different social media tags leading to instagram, tumblr, and facebook.

Facebook alone provided him the means to your address, and he didn’t even have to go looking for it. Your most recent post was an ad, searching for someone good with computers to aid you in your recording process, which you noted as ‘dismal’.

Are you fucking kidding me? He thought to himself, reading the ad once more.

Your address, your real, physical address was stated as the place you wanted to meet those interested in helping you. On the internet. You had doxxed yourself after less than a year of being online.

Okay, he thought, clicking on your listed email. Someone needs to be taught a lesson.

Three days later—after about two weeks of listening to your echoing voice every night—you replied, sending a cheerful email detailing when you would be available to meet him. After shooting a short message back, the date was organized.

Two more days and he was standing at your doorstep, his neck craned upwards as he scanned your tall, narrow home squished between two other apartments. He just barely knocked before the black door swung open, revealing a familiar face belonging to a stranger. Elliot was dressed in his black hoodie and jeans, a stark difference to your long, colorful robes, coming out of a sort of fantasy world.

“Hi,” he said, his voice grating with how low and quiet he kept it.

“Hello,” you said with a smile that did not match his hunched posture. “Are you Mr. Alderson?”

“Elliot,” he corrected, his chin just barely raising to meet you. “Elliot Alderson. Elliot works.”

“Alright,” you said, nodding. “Come inside? I was just making tea. Do you like tea? Or do you prefer coffee?”

“I... I’m fine, thanks,” he said softly, scooting past you when you opened the door wide enough for him to enter. He sucked in a breath as his chest brushed yours.

Your home was modern—far fancier than Elliot’s own apartment, with large windows flanked by soft grey curtains. A small, upright piano was in the corner of the living room, set upon a reed mat lined with Korean symbols. The couch was clinical, made of a sort of black plastic leather that matched the grey skies beyond the window panes.

He sat down, shifting his feet closer together as his fingers dug into his palms, continuing to scan the room in its’ entirety until you returned with your own tea.

“What kind of experience do you have? School counts,” you said, setting your cup down on a tiny plate whose decorations matched your teacup.

“I’ve been... experimenting, with computers, since I was around 9,” he said, mumbling the words out as his shoulders hunched awkwardly down. “Have a job at a cyber security firm. Started a while back.”

“You still have that job?”

“Yeah,” he said with a small nod. “Jus’ thought this would be... fun.”

The dead look on his face indicated no humor whatsoever, but you took his word as it was.

“How’d you find the ad I put out?”

“I... I listened to your music,” he answered honestly for once. “Helps me fall asleep.”

“Oh,” you said, clearly taken aback. Your face grew warm as you glanced away with wide eyes. “I’m glad I could help.”

“You’re not very good with technology, though,” he said in his usual low, grating voice.

“Not really,” you chuckled sheepishly. “That’s why I put out the ad -“

“No, not that,” he interrupted you. “You put your physical address on the internet. You doxxed yourself. Do you even know how dangerous that is?”

The lyrics of your songs pointed towards a kind of brilliance, balanced against emotions felt thoroughly on pages and screens. It didn’t match your actions at all.

“What’s doxxing?” You asked.

Elliot had to physically stop himself from sighing and leaving.

“You want everyone to know where you, a minor celebrity, live?”

“I’d hardly call myself a -“

“I could’ve been a murderer,” he said, reaching into his bag.

He looked you in the eye as he pulled out a gun, clicking on the safety before he pointed it at you.

“This is how easy it would be to kill you.”

As expected, you stiffened at the sight of the iron barrel, your fingers withdrawing to your chest. Your lips pursed as you met his gaze once more.

“Please put the gun down,” you whispered, your voice cracking.

He did as you said, resting the gun on the table.

“That’s a hell of a way to start an interview, Mr. Alderson,” you said quietly. “Please get out of my house.”

His heart sank. What had he expected? For you to fall to your knees and sing to him as he desired you to do? He threatened you with a gun to teach you a lesson, and you reacted accordingly. Calmer than others would.

Elliot stood on shaky legs, sliding the pistol into his backpack before he zipped it up. Throwing the pack over his shoulder, he swallowed through a tight throat, shuffling as he delayed his departure.

“Keep safe from people like me,” he said in a strained mumble. “Take that ad down. Meet people from the internet only in inhabited, public areas.”

You tapped your fingernails on the table for a moment, chewing on your bottom lip. Suddenly you stood, tugging on his sweatshirt sleeve to get him to face you, instead of staring at his feet.

“Alright. If you’re really so good at the internet -“

He ignored your incorrect grammar.

“- and... if you actually do want to help me with my songs,” your tone softened, “then you’ll be able to find my real name, not my stage name. If you do.. I’ll hire you.”

“Alright,” he said monotone, knowing the battle was already won.

Even though he knew your name already, he turned away and left to his apartment, immediately going to work on figuring out everything he could about you. If you willingly still offered him the job after that, he knew it would take a lot to scare you off. He could impress you.

It was, after all, the only thing he was good at.

Two days later he showed up at your apartment again, quietly thanking you when you let him in. The clean floors and walls remained unchanged since his last visit, and you led him to the same table, sitting him down on the same seat.

“Your name is (Y/N) (L/N),” he started with. You already appeared to be surprise. “You grew up near LA and you’ve had a chronic illness all your life. At eleven you saw your first therapist.. that must’ve been when you first got diagnosed with depression... and anxiety.”

“Killer duo,” you muttered.

“Your parents split when you were thirteen, which came at the same time as your dog, Penelope, died. Or... sometime that year. When was that... 1997?”

“1999,” you said quietly.

“Your mom homeschooled you,” he continued. “That’s probably why you don’t know how computers work. Rather eclectic, in a.. boring way... an ex-Amish, right?”

You nodded and his heartbeat tripled. Everything was right thus far despite a two year difference in his guesstimate of your life’s timeline.

“Then there was your dad... logger in the Redwood forests. Burly guy. Not a great man, from what I saw,” he said.

“He was fine,” you said with a small shrug as you looked away. “Didn’t ever hurt me, or anything.”

“Abuse isn’t always physical,” he said faster than he could think, dizzied by his own memories playing behind his eyes.

“I know,” you murmured.

You went silent, so he continued, hoping to pry more precious words from you.

“Your favorite color is yellow,” he said, leaning closer to you. “On Valentine’s you get chocolate strawberries, and on easter you get kinder eggs.”

Nothing.

“You studied mythology as a kid, and you made paintings of the forest you lived in with your mom. Santa Cruz mountains, I think.”

“Yeah,” you said. “I miss the forests.”

“I know. You want to visit Ireland again because it’s a land of faeries and moss, it’s a breeding ground for your song lyrics.”

“How did you find all this out?” You finally asked.

“You use the same password on everything,” he said, though that was far from the actual answer. “Your web browser tracks all your movements and you don’t try to stop it, or hide ads, or stay away from sketchy websites. Your parents aren’t much better, either.”

You chuckled, shaking your head as you brought your hand to massage your brow.

“You’re way too smart to be helping me,” you said with soft laughter, blushing with your smile.

“It’s better than working for E Corp,” he said, huffing out a laugh that was hardly humored.

“E corp?”

“My.. uh, place of work,” he brushed off his slip. “My point is... I’d rather work with you and do easy work than work with my current fucking coworkers.”

You laughed, truly and fully this time, curling into a little ball that shook with the force of it. Your feet tucked into your tiny chair, making you even smaller.

“Bad people or just annoying?”

“Stupid,” he chuckled. “Don’t let me wear my sweatshirt.”

“Ooh, now it’s my turn,” you suddenly interrupted him, earning a strange look. “I’ve noticed things about you, too. I couldn’t learn anything off the computer, but you, you have anxiety too. Probably some childhood trauma.. maybe a dissociative disorder of sorts or a form of PTSD. Your jacket is like your home, and... you have sensory issues. Few types of fabric, don’t like to be touched, if I had to guess I’d say you might be autistic.”

“Blunt,” he said after a full minute’s silence.

“Do you mind?” You asked.

“No, not really.”

“Good. Then you’re hired,” you said with a smile, extending your hand for him to shake. “If you still want the job, of course.”

He watched you with evident apprehension, but took your hand after much thought, shaking with a firm grip.

“When do I start?”

[themagnuswriters]

Writing a Muslim Character

The Mods of the Magnus Writers discord server and community are putting together a variety of resources for Magnus Archives fan creators; these have been collated from articles on the topics, our own experiences, and the experiences of the members of the Magnus Writers discord. These are definitely not comprehensive or the only viewpoints out there, and are by no means meant as a way to police fanworks, but as a way to support and inspire fan creators in creating thoughtful and diverse works. Please note that external links will be added in a reblog to outsmart tumblr’s terrible tagging system, so make sure to check those out as well!

This resource in particular was put together by Mod Jasmine: hi, all! 

While there are no canonically Muslim characters in TMA, Muslim headcanons are common in fanworks—particularly for Basira, and sometimes Jon (which I love to see!). I have cobbled together this post from my own experiences to help support and inform fans in these areas, and as part of my diabolical plan to get more Muslim!Basira and Muslim!Jon fics to shove into my brain.

First, two gigantic caveats:

I was raised Sunni Muslim in Egypt, which is a majority Sunni Muslim country, and still live there. This means my experience will be very different from someone raised in a majority Christian country like the UK, and different again if they are not Sunni and not Arab.

I am currently ex-Muslim. This does not mean I bear any ill will towards Islam or Muslims, just that it wasn’t for me, and I felt it was important to be upfront about that. I’ll be linking to resources by practicing Muslims in the reblog to this post, whether to add to my opinions and experiences or provide you with a different opinion. I am not here to put my voice over that of Muslims, just to do some of the work so they don’t have to. Obviously, if any Muslims have any additions or suggestions for this post, I’m happy to accommodate them.

Alright. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get started with the basics of writing a Muslim character.

(Warning: this is absurdly, absurdly long)

Basics:

Muslims follow two main sources of religious instruction: Quran and Hadith. 

The Quran is the holy book, considered to be dictated by the angel Gabriel to the Prophet Mohammed, who then relayed what he was told to his followers. It is composed of surahs, or chapters, which have individual ayat, or verses. There are no varying versions of the Quran, later additions, or anything considered lost in translation. Any Arabic Quran is considered to be the same text that the Prophet Mohammed relayed, unchanged. As a result, while Muslims can debate interpretations of the Quran (although that’s often still left to the scholars), none debate the actual words of the text.

Hadith, meanwhile, are the sayings or teachings of the Prophet Mohammed. Their validity can be disputed, as they were written by his followers after his death, and mainly depend on having several witnesses for a specific saying or situation. The more witnesses there were, the more valid the hadith is considered to be.

When in doubt or should there be any contradiction between the Quran and Hadith, Muslims will always refer to the Quran first and foremost.

Denominations:

The bigggest (but not only!) divisions of Islam are Sunni and Shia, and both of those have separate madhabs, which are the separate thoughts and stances of specific Imams. When writing a Muslim character, a good first step would be to decide where your character’s family might have come from, as that could help inform which denomination your character might belong to. This will in turn inform things like the beliefs they grew up with, how they pray, their holy holidays, and so on. Obviously, all denominations fall under the bigger umbrella of Muslim, but can vary in practice.

Background:

The intersection of culture and religion affects a character beyond which denomination they likely belong to, such as whether they call prayer salah or namaz, the foods they might associate with Ramadan or Eid, and their community’s stance on things like hijab and alcohol.

One thing to keep in mind is that being Muslim is not synonymous with being Arab and vice versa. Not all Arabs are Muslim, not all Muslims are Arab or even Middle Eastern. In fact, the largest Muslim country in the world is Indonesia. That said, depending on your character’s race and backround, there is the potential they may have faced Arab elitism or other strands of racism within Muslim circles. Please see the reblog of this post for an article about  one Black British Muslim woman’s experience with racism.

And, of course, your character and their family do not need to have been immigrants at all. They or their family may have been converts instead. According to most Muslim schools of thought, all that’s required for a person to be Muslim is stating the shahada in Arabic, honestly and with intent. It goes, “Ashhadu an la ilah illa Allah, wa an Mohammadan rasul Allah,” which translates as “I bear witness that there is no god but God, and that Mohammed is His prophet.” Shia Muslims, I believe, have an additional section, but otherwise that’s it. Recite that in front of witnesses with sincere belief and that’s all you need to be Muslim.

Pillars of Islam:

These are the duties or cornerstones of a Muslim’s faith and considered to be acts every Muslim should strive for. What the pillars are can, I think, differ between denominations, with Shia Muslims having additional ancillaries as well (any Shia readers, please feel free to correct me!) but both denominations agree that the following are important:

Salah—prayer

Sawm—fasting during Ramadan

Zakat—giving a certain percentage of income to charity or the community

Hajj—pilgrimage to Mecca

In all cases, these are considered mandatory only for those who are able. A person who cannot perform hajj, whether due to not being physically able to or lacking the funds to travel, is under no obligation.

Prayer:

Prayer is performed five times a day while facing the Qibla, which is the direction of Mecca. Prayer is formed of units, called rak’at, which consists of a set of actions done in a specific order. The “How to Pray Salah, Step by Step” article linked in the reblog of this post provides fairly good prayer instructions for beginners, so check it out for details!  These include bowing, prostrating, and reciting some surahs. 

Each of the five daily prayers has a different number of rak’at, as well as its own name and allotted time of day, as follows:

Fajr, which means Dawn and can be performed at any point until the sun rises (two rak’at). 

Dhuhr, which means Noon (four rak’at)

Asr, performed in the afternoon (four rak’at)

Maghreb, which means sunset and can be performed at any point until it’s dark (three rak’at)

Isha, performed at night and can be done at any point until dawn (four rak’at)

The specific time of prayer will differ day to day and place to place, according to the sun, but those are the rough timeframes for each. It’s generally preferred that a Muslim does their prayer on time, but in practice some Muslims find it difficult to wake up for Fajr, for instance, and just try to make sure they get a morning prayer in before noon.

On Friday, there is a congregational Friday prayer at Dhuhr in a mosque called the Jumu’a prayer (which, fun fact, literally means gathering and is also the Arabic name for Friday!). Only men are required to take part in the congregation, however.  

In Muslim majority countries, the time for prayer is announced by the adhaan, the call to prayer, from mosques and in media. This won’t be the case in the UK, and the character will likely have to rely on an adhaan app or looking up what time prayer should be. 

There are various requirements for a prayer to be correct, chief of which is facing the Qibla and purity. Before performing prayer, a Muslim must purify themself by performing wudu, or ablutions, which basically involves washing the hands, arms, nostrils, face, head, and feet a specific number of times using clean water. The way I was taught these must be performed in a certain order, and the person shouldn’t speak during or after until their prayer is finished. This may be different for others.

Wudu is considered valid until nullified by bodily functions such as urinating, defecating, vomiting, flatulence, or any sexual activity. For Sunni Muslims, it’s also invalidated by going to sleep. If none of these have happened, a Muslim can perform more than one prayer using the same wudu.

Notably, a Muslim cannot pray if they’re on their period, as they’re considered in a state of impurity. 

Another important requirement is that a Muslim be dressed modestly for prayer. The general guideline is that Muslim men should cover the area between their navel and knees with loose, non-revealing clothing, and that during prayer it’s preferred that they cover their chests as well  Muslim women should cover everything except their face, hands, and feet. This means that a woman who isn’t hijabi would still wrap a hijab for prayer. For nonbinary Muslims, I don’t think there are specific guidelines yet, although please feel free to correct me. 

If praying at home, a family may choose to pray together. In this case, the male head of the household usually stands at the front and acts as Imam, leading the prayer. Other men will tend to be in front of or beside women, as generally women should not pray in front of a man. This is the case even, especially, if he is not praying.

Children aren’t required to pray, as they’re considered innocent and have no obligations, but may want to take part early on or may be encouraged to practice.

Praying is one area you’ll find denominational differences. For example, while Sunnis fold their arms in prayer, Shia keep their arms to their side, and while Shia Muslims make sure their foreheads touch a piece of clay or earth when they prostrate, Sunnis do not. If you write your character praying, keep these details in mind.

Fasting:

During the holy month of Ramadan, Muslims fast from Fajr (dawn) until Maghreb (sunset) every day. This means they abstain from consuming anything—yes, even water, cigarettes, and medicine. They should also abstain from sexual activities and cursing. Most importantly, they must have the intention to be fasting. This means that not eating and drinking because they were asleep for that entire period of time or just lost track and forgot does not count as fasting.

Generally, the idea is more to try to be more pious and avoid sin throughout the month. It’s thought that the shaytan (or devil) is chained up during Ramadan, so any temptation or sinning is a person’s own doing. The way I was raised, I was taught that sawm/fasting is invalidated by sexual thoughts  and raising your voice as well. Many people also try to dress more modestly during Ramadan, with some women opting for looser clothing or a headscarf. Many Muslims will try to read the whole Quran during Ramadan. 

After Maghreb, Muslims break their fast with Iftar (which means breakfast, hah) and have a late night meal called Suhour. Since the Muslim calendar is a lunar calendar, Ramadan is 11 days earlier every year. Depending on when Ramadan falls in the year, there can be barely any time between iftar and suhour in certain parts of the world, as the sun is up for so much of the day. 

Given the length of time and difficulty involved, there are exceptions and allowances for fasting. A person is not required to fast if they are:

A child (up to puberty)

Ill or has a medical condition such as diabetes

Pregnant

Travelling

On their period

In fact, if they are on their period it will not be counted, even if they do fast. That said, sometimes people choose to fast while travelling anyway, as travel is less strenuous now than it used to be. If they’re crossing time zones they will have to consider which time zone they’re breaking their fast to. As far as I remember, it’s based on the time zone of the place they just left or started their fast in. 

If an obstacle to fasting is temporary, such as their period, they’re expected to make those days up with additional fasting before next Ramadan. Otherwise, they are allowed to make up for the lost fast in another way, such as by donating money or feeding fasting people. Whether due to societal pressure (which is formidable in Muslim-majority countries) or out of consideration for others who are fasting, those who are not fasting for whatever reason may often choose to hide this and only eat in secret.

If a person forgets they were fasting or accidentally consumes something, it does not invalidate the fast , and as soon as they remember or realise the mistake they can have the intention to fast again and continue with their day. 

While children are exempt, many families will start them off by fasting for half a day so they can build up to a full day when they hit puberty.

Ramadan traditions vary wildly from country to country and culture to culture, but generally it’s a time for family gathering and celebration. Often there are special Ramadan-specific food, drink, and decorations, and it ends with Eid ul-Fitr which has its own specific foods and celebrations. Basically, imagine if Christmas lasted a month. That’s how big a deal Ramadan is. 

In my experience, the first few days are usually the hardest. Water is what I tended to miss the most, even if I managed to stay up long enough or set an alarm to wake up to drink just before fajr, followed closely by swearing. Anyone who drinks caffeine or smokes cigarettes will likely find abstaining from those more difficult than water. By the end of the month, though, it gets much easier and I often got to the point where I barely noticed. I will say, however, that the longest I’ve had to fast has been maybe 16 hours. A summer Ramadan in the UK would be more difficult due to the much later sunsets.

Halal and Haram:

Halal means “permissible,” while haram means “forbidden.”  You might have heard these words in passing before, such as halal food, but they are used for many areas of life.  

Things that are considered haram include:

Consuming, serving, or trading in intoxicants, such as alcohol

Consuming improperly slaughtered meat or meat from forbidden animals, such as pork

Extramarital sex

Tattoos

Gambling

Men wearing silk or gold

A Muslim woman marrying a non-Muslim man (although it’s fine for a Muslim man to marry a non-Muslim woman)

Being immodest

Modesty is expected of all genders, including men. If you’ll recall from the section on prayer, the general guideline for male modesty is that they should cover the area between their navel and knees with loose, non-revealing clothing. Note that for women, modesty does not necessarily involve wearing a hijab.  There is actually a ton of controversy as to whether the hijab is a fard (requirement) or not, as described in the following section.

The Hijab:

To be hijabi takes more than just throwing on a headscarf. As a word, hijab means “barrier” or “veil,” and a hijabi person would be expected to cover everything except their face and the palms of their hands, and to ensure that their clothes are loose and non-revealing.  It all comes from an interpretation of two verses in the Quran that many scholars nowadays agree to mean the hijab is required, and that some say actually call for a face covering as well, which is called a niqab. 

This wasn’t always the case, however, and these days there is still the occasional controversial scholar (I remember a few kerfuffles coming out of Egypt’s Al-Azhar mosque recently) saying it isn’t and has never been required at all. At least in the Arab world, this is largely due to the wave of Wahhabism (which is a specifically fundamentalist interpretation of Islam) that’s taken over the region in the past half a century. Before that, the idea of a hijab being a religious requirement was less widespread.

I’m not here to argue who’s right or wrong, just to make you aware that the hijab as we know it today hasn’t always been considered a requirement for a Muslim woman. Most of the women of my family never wore any form of head covering, but more and more they are an exception rather than the norm.

The choice of whether to wear a hijab can mean very different things, depending on the surrounding culture. For instance, my grandmother, the strictest woman I have ever known, got married in a very cute sleeveless dress that went just under the knees, and when she grew older she wore a head-covering more as a cultural indication of age rather than any religious reason. In my generation, in a country with a Muslim majority, lack of visible signs of devoutness have become almost a class marker, with some upper-class women using their lack of head-covering as a sign that they are “more Westernized” or “modern.” And again, I want to emphasize that this is the case for my country only. 

This will be completely different for Muslim minorities, where the hijab can become a symbol of pride and unity.

I will say that it’s very rare for women to be forced into getting veiled, whether in Muslim minority or majority countries. I’m not saying it never happens, just that it’s not the “oppressive tool of the patriarchy” outsiders sometimes think it is. Women may face some societal pressure, but by and large it is considered a choice and often an empowering one. In fact, I have friends whose families discouraged them from wearing a hijab too young and emphasized only taking the decision when they were sure they wanted to. If writing a Muslim character when you’re non-Muslim, I strongly suggest not trying to tackle the story of someone forced into a hijab, as there’s a lot of nuance there and it’s very easy to fall into harmful stereotypes. The hijabi woman who gets “liberated” and takes off her hijab is also overdone and harmful. Please don’t.

Everyday Life:

Muslims are not a monolithic entity, and some will be more devout or religious than others. There are those who will pray their five a day and others who only pray during Ramadan or Eid, some who don’t drink and some who do, hijabis who dress only in loose clothing and those who wear tight trousers or show some of their hair, some who have tattoos, and some who may date or even have sex before marriage. However, this isn’t a carte-blanche not to do research when writing a Muslim character, because even if they break a rule of Islam, they will be conscious of it, may be concerned about their community’s response to it, and in any case will be affected by it.

For instance, I know many Muslims who drink alcohol. Some interpret the text differently, saying that since the sin is getting drunk then they won’t drink enough to get drunk, just buzzed. Some only do it on special occasions or on vacation, saying they know it’s a sin but it’s fine on occasion and they’ll repent later. All of them would probably dive under a table if they thought their family was nearby.

For more opinions on Muslims and dealing with alcohol, take a look at the “Islam and Alcohol” article linked in the reblog of this post.

Here are things that a character who is a practicing Muslim might do or be concerned about in their day to day life:

Checking ingredients to make sure they’re all halal. This goes for things like food, drink, medicine, anything consumable. Things like gelatine capsules are only halal if the source of the gelatine is itself halal, for instance.

Keeping up with their prayers. With five prayers a day, some will inevitably happen while they’re out of the house. Some Muslims prefer to just group their prayers when they get home, but since it’s preferable to do prayers on time, others may try to pray while out and about This means considering the following:

Finding a bathroom for wudu. Part of wudu involves washing feet and the head, which isn’t feasible in a public location or if the person is hijabi and doesn’t want to unwrap and rewrap their hijab. In that case, they can generally wipe a wet hand over their socks and top of their head covering. 

They may carry a prayer carpet or have one stashed in a convenient location, but it’s not a must.

Finding a clean and secluded place to pray. Generally, it’s not done to pray in a place where someone will pass in front of you, and a woman must also take care to pray away from men’s eyes. 

Figuring out where the Qibla is. Luckily, there are apps for that.

If a woman is not hijabi, she would have to carry a veil and, depending on her clothes, something to cover up so she can pray.

If they’re hijabi, they’ll probably have to adjust or re-wrap their hijab throughout the day, depending on the material and their activities. This would typically happen in bathrooms or any other space that doesn’t include men, as they can’t reveal themselves to any men who aren’t of their immediate family. For more on the hijab, and the day to day realities of wearing and wrapping one, take a look at the links provided in the reblog of this post.  

A Muslim woman may choose not to accept handshakes from men who aren’t family.  She has probably considered how to deal with that potential awkwardness.

If they’re fasting, they might carry some dates or biscuits or something in case they need to break their fast while on the go.

If making plans, they might say, “Insha’allah” which means “God willing.” I was always admonished to do so to acknowledge the future is entirely within God’s hands.

If asked how they are, they might reply with “Alhamdullilah” which means “Thanks be to God.”

When starting to eat, they may say, “Bismillah,” which means “In the name of God” and when done eating may say “Alhamdullilah.” These can also be invoked silently.

As you might have noticed, Allah’s name is invoked pretty often. While it’s not preferable to swear using God’s name just to make a point (“Wallahi”), there’s nothing against it, really.

Fundamentally, an important thing to remember is that Islam is a religion of ease and not hardship. This is an actual Quranic quote. What this means is, it may seem like there are a lot of rules to keep in mind, but there are also a ton of allowances for when those rules aren’t feasible, just like the case for fasting above. Other allowances include how an elderly or disabled person who may not be able to perform the motions of prayer can pray while sitting in a chair or even lying in bed. If there isn’t any clean water to purify before prayer or if using the water would mean lack of drinking water, a Muslim can use dust or sand to purify, and if no dust or sand is available then they don’t need to purify at all and can simply pray. 

This means that, say, if your Muslim Jon wants to pray while kidnapped by the circus, he can, even without being able to perform wudu, even without knowing where the Qibla is, even without being able to move or say anything at all.

For more day-to-day tidbits, check out the “More on writing Muslim characters” link in the reblog of this post. 

LGBTQ Muslims:

Needless to say, Queer Muslims absolutely do exist, and their being Muslim doesn’t cancel out their queerness or vice versa. While there are Quranic verses that have been interpreted as condemning homosexuality, there are also other interpretations, and queerness has existed in Muslim societies for ages. There was a ton of homoerotic imagery among Abbasid poets during the Golden Age of Islam, for example. 

However, modern-day attitudes can be difficult to get around, and queer Muslims may have difficulty finding their place in both Muslim spaces and queer spaces, the latter which often expect them to reject religiosity.

Although I am queer myself, I don’t feel it’s my place to speak for queer Muslims and their relationships with their communities beyond this, so I’ll let some queer practicing Muslims speak for themselves.  Please see the reblog of this post for valuable contributions from queer Muslims about their experiences.  

Miscellaneous:

This is mostly for all the random tidbits I thought up while writing this that didn’t fit anywhere else and also because I don’t know when to quit apparently, SO!

Allah is just Arabic for God. Muslims can and do use these terms interchangeably, such as saying “God willing,” instead of “Inshallah,” even in an Arabic-speaking country. 

Also, God has 99 names! Just a fun fact for you there. 

The Devil in Islam is pretty different from his Christian counterpart. Referred to as Iblis or Shaytan, among other names, he is not a fallen angel and there is no great revolt story, nor is he considered a root of all evil. Instead, he is a djinn made of smokeless flame who refused to bow down to Adam, as he felt he was made of superior stuff and not about to bow to a creature made of mud. His disdain for humanity is what has caused him and other shayateen/demons to try and tempt humans.

A person’s right hand is considered purer than their left, so it’s encouraged to always eat with your right hand. Unfortunately, this does mean left-handed people face something of a stigma—or at least that’s the case here in Egypt. My cousins, both lefties, both eat with their right hand, though they  do everything else with their left.

Similarly, it is considered better to enter spaces with your right foot, though only the most devout are likely to think of this all the time. This is especially considered for entering a mosque or new home.

A Muslim might say or write “Peace be Upon Him” whenever the Prophet Mohammed is mentioned, written as (PBUH), and “Subhanuh wa Taala” when mentioning Allah, written as (SWT).

The Evil Eye is mentioned in the Quran as “hasad,” and considered to be a very real thing. This jealous or envious energy is considered able to ruin good things in your life, even if the jealous person didn’t intend to. There are some surahs that are considered good to ward against it, as well as incense, the colour blue, the number five, and the symbols of the nazar (which is a round, blue-ringed eye) and the khamsa (an open five-fingered palm, also known as the Hand of Fatima). The nazar, khamsa, and belief in the evil eye aren’t unique to Islam at all. What is unique to Islam is that a Muslim might preface a compliment with “Masha’allah” which means “As God wills it,” to ward off their own evil eye. 

Much of the Quran in Arabic rhymes and is very poetic, which can make surahs easy to memorise by rhythm. It can also make recitations by a skilled reader very lovely.

[rumblelibrary]

Okay this may sound like an oddly detailed request but can you do a Laszlo x reader where Laszlo has been courting the reader for a while and has never met her father, because her father is dead or abandoned her at a young age or something like that and she never told Laszlo, but Laszlo is instant on meeting him for some reason or something like that?

Sorry if thats a weird request

Unofficial Meeting [Dr Laszlo Kreizler x Fem!Reader]

Word count: 1.8k

Warnings: a bit angsty, mention of old fashioned ideas

Author’s note: I hope you will like it and I respected your wishes <3

"Miss?"

The voice of your chamber maid called you distracting you from answering some correspondence.

"Yes?"

She smiled so widely as a bouquet of white roses and peonies was presented in front of you. She giggled as she was just so happy for you. You have been courted by Dr Laszlo Kreizler for some time now, but he never missed to send you flowers on a Saturday morning, it was his ritual since you two became serious.

"Those are so beautiful, miss"

She said excitedly before leaving you to read the note, she was probably living the romance through you which was quite weird but cute to witness.

You opened the card, Laszlo usually was a brief but intense poet, but this time the message was clear. Can I tempt you with a lunch at Delmonico's?

You frowned lightly before looking out of your window, his dark clothing making him strikingly visible in the greenery of the park in front of your house, he raised his hat for you and smiled.

Damn him and his top level courting.

You put your letters away and got ready spraying some perfume on you before going out, your maid helping you with your coat and hat.

When you stepped out of the front Door Laszlo was waiting in front of your gate.

"You could have called"

He smirked at you "it wouldn't have been a surprise" he concluded simply.

You smirked as it was true and you have also learned to admire the extent of Laszlo'd courtship. He was attentive and respectful, he knew when to trace a line to forbid any kind of bad talks. He was already famous for being a maverick and he didn't want to put that stigma on you too.

You obliged him as you walked your way together to the restaurant, he never failed to ask you about your day and your plans. he was very attentive and you reserved him the same tenderness asking him about his patients or latest articles.

Once you arrived at the restaurant you were brought to one of the best tables, Laszlo taking upon himself the honour to move your chair back behind you and then back toward you for you to sit comfortably.

"Thank you Laszlo"

He smiled proudly taking it as a compliment, but he looked rather stiff and tense for his usual mannerism toward you.

Once you ordered your meal he toyed with his glass of wine a bit attracting inevitably your attention.

"What is wrong?"

He looked at you surprised by your question, but he smiled because you sort of alleviated him from the weight of beginning what he wanted to ask.

"I was just wondering when I will be able to meet your father" he said just as directly as your question was "I met your grandmother and your uncles and aunts, I am missing somebody"

He said it quite easily as your mother had left this earth early for the standard and you regret she won't be able to see what an amazing man you met.

"You don't need to meet him"

He stared at you puzzled, what really concerned him wasn't your refusal, but more the hardness you showed into expressing it.

"I think I do"

You glared at him, your conversation briefly interrupted by the waiters landing the plates in front of the two of you.

He thanked them before looking back at you, your stern look still there.

You had discussions before but never of this size and also as much as he tried before to hint the theme of your father he wasn't acknowledged at all.

He also noticed how the rest of your family followed that same guideline, acting like they found you under a tree.

"I think it is something I have to do sooner or later"

You glared at him again.

"Stop it"

It was hard for him to stop. He was already launched on the theme and he was worse than a wild animal when he got fixated over a theme in particular.

You pushed some common ground theme while you ate. Like John or Sara's agency or other mundane things, but you hated to see the intensity in his look.

That question over and over into his mind.

You never hated to be with him as much as you did now.

You declined the offer of a dessert pretty quickly just wanting to go away.

Laszlo obliged and lead you back outside escorting you to your place.

"I don't mean to be invasive.."

"But you're" you confirmed to him "thank you for the lunch, I can walk myself home on my own”

You left him there moving after your house's gate.

He stood there biting the inside of his cheek nervously.

You didn't contact him any further on that day or the ones that followed, to be honest you avoided him and his flowers and attentions. You even stayed at home instead of attending places you were supposed to be, but where he also might find you.

Until your grandmother called you and you furiously ordered your maid to call the doctor and make him come at your place.

He arrived quicker than you expected. He was worried something happened, maybe you were ill and nobody told him.

When your maid showed him the way to your study and closed the door behind him he tried immediately to politely ask you about your state but your eyes burned holes like bullets in him.

“How dare you?” You growled at him. He stood still in front of you, his back straight even if you didn’t fail to notice the frown on his forehead.

“How dare you to call my grandmother? To ask her something I specifically told you I don’t want to share or talk or even mention? What is s hard about it? What makes you rightful to come bashing into my life asking for answers? “Y/N”

“No, no Y/N, you doctor, should learn to put a line between when you’re an alienist and when you’re a decent human being” you were being extra hard on him, but just earring your grandmother worried voice was enough to make you snap his neck.

He took your rage like a champion, even if he clearly was suffering it.

“Why is so important Laszlo? Why to see your mind at ease? It is just a man, somebody that doesn’t belong to my life, why you have to push it? Why you always have to push it?” “I just hoped..” “Hoped what? Hoped that a man that abandoned a pregnant woman while courting her was worth my time and thoughts? That I need to share my own life with somebody that wasn’t there? That never asked to meet me, or even see the woman he swore to every wind that he loved? That put my mother in the position of being considered a whore? How my grandma had to pretend I was hers to try give my mother a good shot at life?”

All those truths hit Laszlo like a bag of bricks, he was overwhelmed and saddened. Those situations were the ugliest in those times. Women always paying off the debts of the lust of men. The simple promise of a marriage just to gain something that could be tasted forever with a little more of wait. Just the human need to break a rule, just one, that revolutionary feeling that only losers at heart have. Because nobody makes a revolution over the expenses of a loved one.

“I had no idea” he concluded

“I hope you are satisfied now, your scientific mind has now all the puzzle pieces, now leave and let my family alone”

You could see his shoulders fall as you said that to him, his face paling in fear and sadness. He pressed his lips tight against each other, his jaw hurting as he didn’t know if at this point was really worth it to explain why he insisted so much. He ruined it, he tried to treat you with the white gloves and instead he hurt you even more.

“I apologise” he said staring at you, you letting him speak for the first time “I never meant to put you in such a position, I really just meant to be close to your family and I couldn’t see the fault in my own desires”

He admitted it but you didn’t wince, he crossed the line, he went too far and he needed to learn to respect the limits of others, not everyone needed to be under his care.

“I said you may leave”

He looked out of your window searching for words. Your anger was waving down as he looked so upset, and he should be.

“I am also a victim of our society in my own means, even if my behaviour is not excusable in any way, I stupidly fixated on the idea of doing things right with you and some things… Well, they teach us boys some things have to be asked to a father first”

You looked at him with a frown, you shook lightly your head as you didn’t understand his point and you were five seconds away from throwing him the vase with the latest flowers he sent you when you looked at him pul out a little velvet box from his inner pocket.

“The times are modern now, it was silly of me to try move past you like that” he leaned the box on your desk. He nodded at you respectfully leaving. You were left alone with that little box, you stared at it for a moment before moving closer to it.

You looked out of the window as you heard the gates closing and you watched Laszlo’s figure walk away.

Your eyes darted from his back to the box in front of you slowly opening it to find the ring of the dreams of any girl.

Tagged @cazzyimagines @lieutenantn @handmaiden-of-mischief@thesunflowersutra @zemomybeloved @fictionlandslanddreams @charistory @greeneyedblondie44 @apparrio @hb8301 @whatawildone @rhymerhymerhyme  @thehuiabird @lilith-blackrose @unbeatablecurlgirl @obsidianlaszlo @alindeluce @zemosimp05 @baronesszemo-blackwood @nocapesdahling

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