#questioning borderpolar adhd pdaer culture is I guess. try saying that out loud idk man. just trying to survive
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I’m like if bottling up emotions cause they’re confusing made someone energetic and hyperactive and think they can save the world and need to hurry before the grief consumes them
#what came first the chicken or the egg? was bottling up the emotion trying to hide experiencing mixed hypomania or did it cause it?#personal mental health tag#see the weird thing is I’m wondering if stability for me is just. constant but less severe mixed episodes? like less amplitude on the wave#while I have times of higher and lower energy they like. sync with other natural cycles? slow enough to process all the emotions. fast#enough that I have the ability to be able to spend some of my energy on that. just sounds like cyclothymia again tbh#I just want to be strong enough to face the emptiness. and keep going. without meaning I hold it off just so it destroys me further later#find out a bit more about myself so I can find the kind of things that fill me. motivate me in a calm way. turn on adhd interest superpower#incorporate negative feedback loops into my lifestyle so that I can’t go too far#questioning borderpolar adhd pdaer culture is I guess. try saying that out loud idk man. just trying to survive#but there’s something to be said about having labels. about how much more self aware I was than the teen who didn’t think I had any mental#illnesses bc I didn’t struggle with the things I had words for that my friends did. but I was also struggling quite a lot and thought it wa#normal. bc that was my baseline yk? so maybe the chicken and the egg were both inevitable. maybe they both always were
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