#trying to pace myself and finish my other fic first though

[achilles-rage]

NSFW Alphabet

word count: 2.0k

A/N: hi besties<333 this is my first time writing so pls don’t absolutely tear me to shreds (just a little bit is acceptable though). i’m planning on making a SFW alphabet for buck soon as well but some of the letters had me drawing a blank lol. also, although there’s not really much mention of it, this is with a plus size reader in mind. as a plus size girly myself, it sucks to read x reader stories and knowing in the back of your mind that it wasn’t written with your body type in mind (although there’s nothing wrong with writers that do that of course). i just thought i would add to the plus size reader community because there are barely any buck fics and i believe in my heart that he loves plus size women. anyway, enjoy <3

warnings: smut (obviously lol), no use of y/n, fem!reader, plus size!reader, race inclusive!reader

MDNI- 18+ Only

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

When y’all finish he’ll wait a few minutes before pulling out, head buried in your neck as his breathing gets back to normal. He’ll kiss your neck and tell you how good you were for him, before finally getting up to clean you up. After that he wants to lay with you and talk, just enjoying each other’s company, maybe y’all will make some food if you feel like it.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

His: Probably his arms. He’s worked hard to be as fit as he is and he enjoys using his arms to move you/lift you while you’re having sex. He takes pride in his appearance, he knows he’s hot, but it’s an added bonus that he can lift you up and do whatever he (or you) wants.

Yours: I am of the firm belief that Evan Buckley is a thigh man. He loves how they feel in his hands, he loves how they look when you straddle him, he can’t get enough. He loves to see them jiggle when you move, or when he playfully smacks them. He loves thick thighs and I will die on this hill

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

This man has a BREEDING KINK OKAY!!! He loves to cum inside you, fucking deep into you and feeling his cum fill you up. He loves watching it slowly dripping out, so he can finger it back in. If that’s not your thing I think the next best place would be on your stomach, watching your face as he lets go, seeing the way he marks you up. He loves your little tummy, how it moves as he ruts into you, so he loves it when you let him cum all over it.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

I only call this a dirty secret because he would never tell anyone about this after the last time it happened and he got fired. He wants to fuck you in the fire engine SO BAD. He can’t help but think of the way you would look as he fucked into you quickly, trying not to get caught with your dress up around your waist. He knows it’s not gonna happen, he’d never hear the end of it from anyone in his life if it did, but god he wants to so bad.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Girl have we watched the same show?? This man FUCKS!!! We all know (and love) Buck 1.0, and we know he knows what to do. Buck 3.0 might mean him changing into, well, not a sex addict, but that doesn’t mean he forgot his training (🫡). I think he understands that every woman is different, and while he might not get it exactly right the first time, he’s a fast and eager learner, watching what exactly makes you squirm and moan the most for him.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Canonically, Buck LOVES when you ride him, and I agree. He loves to watch you move yourself on him, able to grab at your thighs, and your hips, and your chest. He also loves to move you on him, squeezing your hips tightly as he sets the pace if you start getting tired or if he just feels like it.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

I mean, he’s Buck, he’s truly a golden retriever of a man and cannot stay serious for long. I think he’s a bit of a mix, he can be serious in the moment, but at the end of the day, he’s still Buck, and Buck is silly goofy.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

He keeps it nicely trimmed, carpets match the drapes. In terms of his partner, he really doesn’t give a fuck. He’s seen it all and could not care less as long as he feels the way you wrap around him so perfectly.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Buck 3.0 is a man of TASTE, but that being said, I think he only really pulls out the romance during special occasions. Most of the time this man wants to freak nasty, but sometimes when he’s tired, or just feels especially in cuddly/clingy, he’ll be more romantic.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

He does it pretty often, of course not when he has the option to fuck you instead (and you’re willing, of course), but if you’re not with him and he needs a quick release, he getting right to it.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Breeding: I will scream this till the day that I die, this man wants a family more than anything. Whenever he’s inside of you, he can’t help but think about how pretty you’d look with your belly all round with his babies.

Praise: Look at this pathetic little guy, he needs to be praised, he thrives on it. He loves to hear how good he feels, how good he’s making you feel. This goes both ways. He’s in your ear immediately telling you how good you feel, how well you’re taking him, how pretty you look.

Spanking: HEAR ME OUT!! While I’m not sure he would actually bend you over his knee (but honestly the more I think about it he might) he would LOVE to give your ass a nice little swat as you’re riding him. He loves the sound it makes, and the sound you make because you’re not expecting it. I don’t think he’d ever do it hard enough to hurt too much, but I think enough to make your ass a little red would definitely be something he could get behind (lol).

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

He doesn’t have a ring cutter in the kitchen for nothing<3

I think he likes to have sex at home the most, on the bed, on the couch, on the kitchen counter. You name it, he wants to fuck you there. His favourite is the counter because he loves seeing you being so domestic in the kitchen. Making dinner, cleaning up, whatever, he wants you right then and there and cannot wait. He’ll come up behind you, wrapping his arms around you as he kisses your neck before slowly turning you around to face him and lift you onto the counter to have his way with you.

While he’s moved on from having sex in public places that could (will) get him fired, he’s still into it, but in less obvious places. If y’all are in his car and you’re looking a little too good in his passenger seat, he loves an empty parking lot quickie. Front seat, back seat, whatever you want, he’d be pulling you onto him as soon as he puts the jeep in park.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Girl ANYTHING gets him going, it would take one look, one touch, one word and this man would be ready to go. I think what really gets him going though is seeing you with kids or getting along so well with the 118. This man truly just wants a silly little family and someone that can get along with the 118fam, so seeing you like that has him making up a stupid excuse to leave a little early so he can take you home and have his hands all over you.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Like I said before, I don’t think he would do anything to hurt you too much, other than the occasional light spanking or biting. He would also not be into any kind of age play or pet play, he’s pro kink but it’s just not for him.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

This man is a giver and I stand by this. Dear god he loves nothing more than having you spread open for him, hands tangled in his hair as he makes himself at home between your thighs. He loves having his hands gripping your thick thighs, feeling them on either side of his head. When you start to get squirmy from the overstimulation he’ll place a large hand over your lower stomach, holding you still as he pushes you over the edge again.

With all that said, he will definitely not say no to getting head. He loves seeing you look up at him while you’re on your knees, trying to take all of him. He’ll keep a hand in your hair, pulling it softly every now and then, and he can’t help but moan and whine as he gets closer and closer, eventually cumming down your throat as he squeezes his eyes shut.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

It depends on the day, but most of the time he likes it rough and fast. He loves a good quickie, meaning it kinda has to be more fast paced and rough, and he’s pretty easy to get riled up, so when you drop any sort of hint, he’s on you immediately and ready. On other days where he’s feeling extra clingy and lovey, he’ll be more of a slow and sensual guy, but I think for the most part he loves to fuck you deep and rough.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Like I said, he loves a good quickie. A lot of the time he craves a quickie before work, needing to feel you before his long shift. I think they happen pretty often, but he’d much rather take his time with you, using his fingers and mouth before he fucks you.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

As long as there’s clear communication he’s down to try pretty much anything, he’ll do anything to make you happy (within reason). I think he’s also a risk taker (also within reason, he has to think about not getting fired again, of course). Buck 1.0 is still inside him somewhere when it comes to sex so he definitely loves a little risk, but he’s grown enough to know where the line is.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

While he would love to go as many rounds as possible, I think it would realistically be 2-3, lasting about 10-15 minutes each round. I think he would be the type to like having some time between rounds, tension still high as you talk and lay around before he's back on you again.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Once again, he doesn’t have a ring cutter in his kitchen for nothing<3

He likes them, he definitely owns a few toys of his own. Vibrators, cock rings, some handcuffs or restraints, he’s very open to anything that increases y’alls pleasure.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He does it sometimes not really meaning to, like he does something and you’re like….dear god…and maybe he doesn’t notice the first time but the second time he does and WILL keep going until you snap. He loves the way you get all squirmy and whiny and desperate for him, knowing you want him as much as he wants you.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

So vocal!!!! Literally that meme thats like “y’all afraid to make noise in the bedroom?? i be in my girls ear like…” He loves dirty talk (on both ends) and he can’t help but let out low moans when you’re clenching around him. He also loves hearing your breathless whimpers, making him feel like he’s doing a good job, and encouraging him to pull more sounds from your lips.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

If he was in a relationship during the whole sperm donor thing, it would be the longest few weeks for both of y’all. I imagine the first time he has an appointment, you make sure you’re waiting for him in a cute little matching set, knowing how excited he was to finally be buried inside you again, hearing you whine as he fills you up. He’s so frustrated when his appointment doesn’t work out that he doesn’t let you know how it went, instead being unpleasantly surprised when he sees you sprawled out on his bed when you get home and unable to do anything about it. He wants nothing more than to rip your pretty little set off your body and run his hands up and down your soft curves, but he can’t, and it’s torture. You apologize (but he will hear none of it because it was a lovely surprise, just shitty circumstances), and instead you change into an oversized shirt and sweatpants to enjoy a completely normal (and not sexual at all) night on the couch.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

8 inches, thick, no complaints <3

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

HIGH!!! This man is thinking about sex 24/7, and if he could, his hands would be on you at all times.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Most of the time I think he stays up for a while, just hanging out and talking to you. But if he comes home after a long shift he’s fucking GONE in 5 minutes tops.

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[sagittariuswritings]

Darling

Pairing: Tech x F!Reader

Word count: 3.5k

Prompt: Mostly fluff, a teensy sprinkle of angst. No use of Y/n

Warnings: typical canon violence, smooching, slightly awkward situation

a/n: i just started the bad batch a few weeks ago and while i haven't finished season 3 yet, i have unfortunately recently became a victim to plan 99. needless to say, i took that personally, considering i haven't written something in years. tech took a minute to grow on me, but when i fell for him i fell harder than he did (i'm so sorry i'm trying to cope ok i'm still recovering) - i'll stop rambling now, but basically this probably sucks as i'm super rusty so i do apologize! look at this as a way of me getting back on my feet and potentially dipping my toes into writing more wooo! (btw this fic was supposed to be a flashback in a different fic i was writing. i ended up liking this as a standalone and trashing the other one) *not proof read!*

"I've always wanted to visit Alderaan. I would've preferred to see it with its endless blue sky and warm sun, though, not during the rainiest time of the year." You frowned a little, stepping out of the Maurauder with Omega, Tech, and Echo while Hunter & Wrecker stayed on the ship.

"Y'know, as much as it rained on Kamino, I still love it!" Omega chirped, smiling up at the sky and allowing the water to fall onto her face.

That was enough to make you smile. You made your way over to her and pulled up the hood of her cloak so far up that it covered her face. "Hey!" She griped, reaching up to move the hood to rest atop her head. You smirked, a small chuckle passing your lips as she lightly bumped a closed fist into your side.

"You'll catch a cold if you're not careful with your admiraiton for the rain." You commented, your left hand coming to land softly on her shoulder.

"You'll catch my wrath!" She giggled, raising her fists in a fighting manner.

"Ooooh I'm so scared" You teased, hands over your heart in false fear.

Tech had his nose in his datapad as per usual, but he kept at least one eye the two of you as the banter continued.

"You should be!" She went to tackle you (All 60 some-odd pounds of her), when Echo held her back by her wrist.

"Alright, that's enough, children." He shook his head, a small smile on his lips. Not that he minded the sibling-like banter, he was just more focused on the mission.

"Right... We're stealing fancy clothing from a corrupt businessman?" You recalled, pulling the hood of your well-worn cloak up onto your head.

"That is one way to put it, yes. Cid has instructed us to steal a singular container filled to the brim with items of clothing that someone on her endless list of clientele is paying good credits to get their hands on. Or paws, whichever species this client is, I am unsure." Tech had put his datapad away now, attention on the three in front of him.

"Didn't exactly see myself visiting Alderaan for the first time for illegal purposes... Hopefully its as easy as she made it sound." You sighed, pulling your scarf up to serve as a mask to cover below your eyes. You'd rather not be caught stealing with your face on display. Ideally, you'd like to return here in the future simply on a mission to enjoy the planet.

"When is it ever as easy as she makes it sound?" Tech returned your sigh with a sigh of his own, his eyes meeting yours.

"Fair point. Let's get this over with."

.

The trek to the village was a rather long one.

A quiet cuss slipped past your lips as the rain soaked through your old cloak, making its way to your clothes - which were quickly becoming damp, and likely soon to be drenched considering the rain wasn't letting up any time soon.

You hadn't noticed Tech glance back at you until his pace slowed to meet yours, Echo and Omega now leading the group. "It appears that your old reliable cloak isn't quite as reliable as you've claimed it to be." Behind his goggles, his eyes searched for yours, which were trained on the path until he spoke up.

"Well, did I mention I picked it up on Tatooine?"

"A planet that never rains?"

"That's the one."

"That was hardly a wise choice, considering the terrible business-folk scattered all over that planet. Not to mention the fact that they were selling you a cloak that I presume was labeled as rain resistant?"

"It wasn't for sale." You bumped shoulders with him. With your scarf pulled over your mouth, he was unable to see the small mischievous smile forming on your lips, but your eyes told the same story of mischief.

His steps stuttered for half a second as he processed your words. "Allow me to get this straight - you stole a cloak off of a desert planet and assumed it could protect you against all weather?"

"I never claimed it was the wisest decision I've ever made." You shrugged, fingers pulling the cloak as close to you as possible.

"It wasn't an entirely horrible decision if you were planning to use it for certain desert purposes, such as easing the rays of the sun or breaking the harshness of the wind. The horrible decision was keeping the cloak and using it for rain." He stated, poking the sopping material covering your body.

"I'm well aware of this, thank you, Tech." You mumbled, sounding a bit defeated as you returned your gaze to the path ahead.

Tech decided against speaking on his thoughts. Instead, he chose to let his actions speak for him later.

.

The mission was going well thus far. The four of you were in a storage room connected to the clothing store. Unfortunately for all of you, Cid's client had a list of everything that was supposed to be in the container. Omega and Echo were sorting through the clothing while Tech was checking off each item on his datapad. You were standing guard by the door that connected to the store, just in case the storeowner entered the room. Your cloak was discarded in a corner of the room, not planning on putting that thing back on.

"Everything alright? Do I need to fly overhead for a quick escape?" Hunter's voice sounded over the comms, probably wondering why no one's checked in for a while.

"Quite alright, Hunter, it's taking a hair longer than previously anticipated to make sure all the contents are in this container." Tech responded.

A moment or so goes by when you hear Omega gasp. You turned in their direction, and Echo was blocking your view. "We're ready to go." He said, something off in his voice. You squinted your eyes up at him before nudging him out of your original line of sight.

"You good?" You asked Omega, who was making her way over to you.

"Yep! I uh- almost got my finger stuck in the container, is all."

Hardly believable, so you shift your gaze to Tech, who had his nose buried in his datapad for a moment before he looked up at you. "All set."

Beyond confused but ready to return to your warm blankets on the Maurauder, you pushed your suspicions to the back of your mind and shrugged, heading towards the exit when the door you had just walked away from slid open, revealing the unsuspecting storeowner, a rather high-class looking woman behind him.

"Shit." All of you, including Omega, cursed.

"What the blazes is going on here?!" The storeowner roared, blaster raised, to which you raised your blaster in his direction.

The woman behind the man turned around and ran out of the store, more than likely to find local authorities, or even more likely, her personal bodyguards.

The storeowner wasted no time shooting a blaster bolt in you direction, which you narrowly dodged, but not narrowly enough. The smell of something burning quickly reached your nostrils and the slight burn in your right shoulder following made you groan. Tech noticed this immediately and wasted no time sending a stun bolt into the man's chest, sending him backwards and onto the floor with a loud thud.

"Hunter, we may need that pick-me-up." Echo tapped into his comm as the four of you slipped out the back door, the container of clothes in his arms. Omega followed Echo, and you followed Omega, Tech bringing up the rear. Your brain barely had time to register the faint presence of his hand on your lower back before blaster fire erupted on your right. Both you and Tech put yourselves in front of Omega & Echo, Tech close at your side you as you each sent stun bolts in the direction of the blaster fire.

"Sooner better than later, Hunter!" Echo griped, trying not to drop the container as you all continued forward, finding cover in the trees. You'd expected a snippy response from the sergeant over the comms; instead the response was the sound of the Maurauder flying overhead, cables quickly dropping down to where the four of you were.

"What happened to quick and easy stealth mission?" Hunter grumbled over the comms, holding the ship steady as Echo hooked the cable to the container.

Rolling your eyes, you focused your blaster fire, trying to cover Omega as she made her way to the cables. She ended up slipping in the mud, letting out a squeak as she did so. Concern and adrenaline rushed through you. You threw a glance at Tech, silently asking him to cover you as you ran to Omega's side, picking her up and handing her to Echo on top of the container. "Go!" You shouted at them, returning some more blaster fire.

The cable pulled the container with Echo & Omega atop up to the ship, to safety, as you turned on your heel to aid Tech in your escape, but you hadn't noticed that Tech made it to the second cable until you felt his arm wrap around your waist and pull your body close to his. He immediately recognized he had startled you. "Apologies, but we must hurry. Hang on." His hold on your waist tightened as the cable pulled the both of you to safety, your back pressed into his broad chest and both your hands holding onto his arm around your middle for dear life. Similar to Wrecker, you weren't too entirely keen on heights.

When you finally reached the ramp of the Maurauder, you and Tech separated, but only slightly. As you both rushed inside, his hand had remained on your lower back yet again, making sure you made it inside safely.

"Hang onto something." Hunter shouted, and the ship jerked seconds after. You would have fallen over if Tech hadn't grabbed your hand and practically dragged you to the seats. Once secure, you relaxed just a hair. You almost wondered how you were able to keep calm as Hunter was moving the ship around so frantically, when you realized your hand was tightly gripping Tech's. You almost let go, but his eyes were already gazing into yours. "I've got you."

.

Once the ship finally entered hyperspace, you felt like you could breathe a little better, your hand going limp in Tech's hand and head lowering a little in exhaustion. "Let us have a look at your shoulder." He waisted no time making sure you were okay, already on his feet in front of you, slowly allowing your hand to drop so that you could release the safety bar.

Grumbling something under your breath, you reluctantly stood. "It's quite literally just a scratch, Tech... We don't need to waste supplies on something so small."

"Would you like for it to become infected and turn into something far worse than its current state?" Tech quickly replied. He hadn't removed his helmet yet, but you didn't need to see his face to know that his face was in a pinch

Holding his gaze for a moment, you debated on what to say, but you were too tired to argue. Wordlessly, you turned, making your way ahead of him to the bunks. You took a seat on the edge of one of the bottom bunks, looking up at him expectantly. "What do you need from me, Doc?" You teased, folding your arms over your chest.

Tech removed his helmet, gently setting it beside you before focusing his eyes on your shoulder. He removed his battle-worn gloves, trying to be as sterile as possible. Gently, he moved some fabric of your top around, trying to get a better look at the wound. A sigh passed his lips. Sure, the blaster bolt hadn't made a significant impact, but for just a graze, it wasn't pretty. "This is not simply a scratch, Cyar'ika."

His choice of words caused your heart to stutter, and you felt like a handful of butterflies stirred in your stomach, even if you didn't understand what it meant. You were suddenly aware of every slight touch of his, feeling like your skin was on fire from such a small touch on your shoulder.

As he stood straight, Tech hesitantly spoke up. "I need you to remove your top."

You blankly stared at him, still adjusting to his nickname for you only a moment ago. Taking a moment to gather your senses, you muttered "At least take me to dinner first." Your hands dropped to the hem of your shirt, beginning to remove your shirt when you felt Tech's hands cover your own, a hint of... was that concern in his eyes? You couldn't tell.

"While I hardly see how me taking you out to dinner has any impact on mending to your injury, I-"

"Oh my stars, Tech-" You let out a laugh, gently taking his hands into your own for a moment. "I was joking... We... Can discuss dinner another time." Giving him a warm smile, you released his hands, returning to the task of removing your shirt. You discarded your shirt onto the floor, doing your best to relax as you sat in front of Tech, now only wearing a bra from the waist up.

Unsurprisingly, Tech was a complete and utter gentleman. He only took half a second to regain composure before he returned to the task at hand: Your shoulder.

As his fingers began working at dressing your wound, he could almost sense the tension beneath your skin since you removed your top. "Do try and relax," His voice was just as soft as the occasional dance of his fingers along your skin. "I've got you."

You could've melted in that very moment, but if you had, Tech would've more than likely scolded you for not holding still. Admittedly, you wanted nothing more than for his touch to never leave your skin.

"What does that word mean? Cyar'ika?"

Silence and stillness met your question, causing you to look up at Tech. Not often was he silent when asked a question, normally he'd flow into a long, more often than not, complicated, answer. It only took a few seconds before he cleared his throat and spoke up, but it was noticable to you.

"Cyar'ika originates from the Mandalorian language, Mando'a. It translates to terms of endearment," The lighting on the Maurauder was horrible, but you could make out the faintest touch of pink on his cheeks as he continued. "such as darling or sweetheart." He finished laying the bacta over your wound, almost hesitant to meet your gaze.

All you could hear was the distant hum of the Maurauder in hyperspace and the relatively fast beat of your heart against your chest.

"I... got you something."

"What?" You blinked. When the kriff did he have time to get you something recently?

As Tech stepped away, you leaned down to grab your previously discarded shirt, pulling it over your head. He removed his pack from his back and set it on the floor to rummage through it. At the top of the pack was a green cloak, which he tugged out. He took a seat beside you on your right, the material resting in his hands. "I would not recommend wearing it around Ord Mantell any time soon, you may run into a very unhappy client of Cid's."

Before your fingers reached the cloak, you froze, trying to read his face. "What do you mean? Wha-" Realization dawned on you. That's why Omega was acting so odd and why Echo had not so subtly tried to block your view of Tech earlier. "You did not!"

"Steal from a client of Cid's and completely erase it off of the list of items that the client requested?" He looked proud of himself. "I did."

"You-" Your hands covered your mouth as you stifled a laugh. "I cannot believe you did that!"

"Well it seemed reasonable, considering how horrible the promised payment was, and I simply could not allow you to keep wearing that awful cloak from Tatooine." All he did was shrug before he lifted it a bit, giving you a better look at it. It had more material to cover the chest than your previous one had, which would give much better guarantee of not getting drenched in the rain. "I scanned the material of each item in that container, and this one seemed the best fit for what you need. May I?" He ebbed it towards you, hinting to helping you adorn it.

You nodded, a smile seeming to take permanent residence on your lips for the time being. He lifted it above your head before lowering it onto your shoulders, the hood resting weightlessly atop your head. Tech quietly reached into your space, adjusting your hair as needed, seemingly knowing that the cloak had trapped your hair uncomfortably beneath its material. Finally, he adjusted a few stray hairs along your face by tucking them behind your ears, and leaned back a little, admiring his work and allowing his hands to settle on his thighs.

"The material is Gabal wool. Gabals are a furry creature native to and often discovered on Rhinnal, particularly the Zirfan Glacier. According to my research, Rhinnal is quite an extraordinary planet. Located in the Darpa sector of the core worlds, there seemed to be incredible medicinal breakthroughs- Are you alright?"

Busted. You couldn't help but adore him more than ever in this very moment. The break of his tangent brought you back to reality, blinking a few times before responding. "Sorry, I didn't mean to make you stop. I just-" Words were difficult right now as you practically choked down the feelings that were bubbling to the surface. "I appreciate you." Horrible choice of words. Obviously you loved the entire crew, including Tech, and you were pretty certain he was aware of this, but saying it directly to his face while you were juggling the feelings in your heart just didn't seem possible. "I love it when you explain things in great detail." That wasn't a lie, you definitely enjoyed listening to him talk.

"You do?" His voice was quieter now.

Nodding and your heart quickening, you spoke up once more. "What was that Mando'a word? Cyar'ika?" It was his turn to nod. "Can I call you that?"

Tech actually looked confused for a brief moment before speaking. "Of course... It's a term of endearment." He reminded you, that faint pink hitting his cheeks once again.

"I know. Thank you... Cyar'ika."

A number of heartbeats passed before his right hand found your left that was resting quietly on your thigh, lacing his fingers through your own. With his left hand, cupped your cheek. His honeyed eyes searched yours for consent, and you gave the faintest of nods before he leaned in to press his forehead against your own, dropping his gaze to take a moment to reminisce in your touch.

Like the waves on Kamino, Tech's lips crashed into your own. While you had been expecting it, it still caught you a little off guard. His left hand trailed from your cheek to the side of your neck, his thumb resting on your cheek, as your right hand traveled from his wrist to land on his chestpiece.

Too soon, he broke the kiss, his breathing heavy, matching your own. Your foreheads remained against each other, and when he went to sit up, you grabbed the upper edge of his chest piece and pulled him forward, accidentally bumping noses together as it was your turn to kiss him first. This urged a small gasp to escape him, not expecting the sudden contact. A small smile crossed your lips as you noticed his surprise, your right hand moving upward to the side of his neck as your lips parted, his own lips following in suit shortly.

You leaned into him, and his right hand released your left, and found your thigh, giving it a gentle squeeze, which earned a small noise of pleasure to escape you. Your left hand dragged up his arm from his hand, and landed on his shoulder, which you used to help pull yourself into his lap. He helped, of course, the hand on your thigh making its way to your hip for a moment.

Tech's left hand made its way to the base of your skull, finding your hair, which only encouraged another noise of pleasure from you. You felt his lips shift into a smirk before breaking the kiss, his eyes meeting yours immediately. "Do not allow me to forget to note your sensitive areas."

That earned him a smack on the chest, and a laugh from you. "You're a smug little shit. I know you, you wouldn't forget the galaxy's most difficult mathematical equation."

He returned your laugh with a soft chuckle, and reached up to cup your cheek again with his left hand. "You cannot imagine how long I have wanted to do that."

You leaned in for another kiss when knock at the door interrupted the two of you, both of your bodies tensing for a moment.

"A ridiculously long time. It's about time. Come on, you two, we need you out here." Hunter. Of course it was Hunter. Hunter and his stupid heightened senses.

[annbeez]

Hi there! So, I finished Complicated Girls and now am totally mourning it. I was hoping you could recommend your favorite Heathers fanfics to try and help fill the giant Chansaw-shaped hole in my heart.

I feel like I should have some super deep cut hipster recs here, but I kinda don't. That said, I will absolutely take the opportunity to gush about some of my favourite Chansaw fics, even though you've probably already read all of them.

Dead Girl Walking and the Demon Queen is the most kudosed fic in the fandom for a reason, and that reason is that it fucking rules. The characterization is so on point, the pacing is aces, it's fluffy, it's hot, I love these girls to death. You already know this, there's zero chance you haven't already read it. I call it out here mainly because Complicated Girls wouldn't exist without it. When I started to get back into Heathers again (mainly because of the Wicked film reigniting my love for insisting musical girls are gay), I thought to myself, "I bet you some people have written some great fanfic about Heather and Veronica" and DGWatDQ said, "Yes, they have, and you are going to be obsessed now," and put me in a fucking chokehold. I read it through probably 5 times before I started publishing Complicated Girls and I have read it through another 5 times since. It's that good.

Yours, Veronica is the fic I would do the most crimes to get an update of. If you haven't read PoshBiscuit's earlier work, The Prom Bet is also very good (I bounced off reading it a couple of times because the first few chapters contain a lot of Britishisms and I am particular like that, but am very glad I pushed through because it's very worth it). but Yours, Veronica really is Posh flexing how far they've come as a writer. What blows me away about Posh's writing is that they are already excellent, and they get noticeably better with every single chapter they publish. If they continue to improve at this rate, and if Yours, Veronica goes the full, planned 62 chapters, by chapter 40 it will have won a Nobel prize for literature, and by the last chapter it will be written in the divine language and you'll go blind from reading it like an Elder Scroll. And I'd still read it anyway. But even if Posh plateaus in skill at some point, I'll still be here for every chapter. Like there's something PG-13 that happens in Chapter 4 that is hotter than the majority of smut I've read. God, it's so peak.

It's Always You made me fucking miserable, and I mean that as absolute praise. I have had multi-year relationships end that hurt me less than this. A lot of Heathers fic walks a really difficult tonal tightrope, given the source material, and there are a lot of really great fics that I don't love for me because they don't hit the sweet spot tonally. It's Always You manages to produce so much angst while still always letting me like and root for the characters, and it feels raw and heavy without ever veering into misery porn. Even aside from the part of it that made me want to die, it's also fantastic at capturing the giddy infatuation of, like, that first teenage gay relationship when it's so new and you're obsessed and never knew that it was possible to feel this way, to feel so much. The highs are so high, the lows are so low, I stared at the wall long enough that my wife asked me what was wrong, 5 stars.

All of these are unfinished because as Chansaw fans it is our lot in life to suffer, but oh well. They're very worth reading anyway.

There's obviously other fics I love but right now those were the first three that jumped to mind and that I have the energy to gush about (sorry for not doing more I'm just very tired lol). If other people have recs, please reblog with them and gush about your faves!

(Also all of these authors have tumblrs and I don't know if it's considered good etiquette to tag them or not? I erred on the side of not because I am shy and Canadian and hate to bother people, maybe that's wrong.)

[bomberqueen17]

home/writing

back in buffalo for the week. i am always so discombobulated when i first arrive. i did get a bunch of shit done yesterday but all of it was odd little discrete tasks, or i only worked on them for a little bit and didn't finish them. i have things to do today as well, and i'm trying to be coherent about it.

one of the things i did manage to do was publish another chapter of the solarpunk sequel to the beta doc. i'm like.... halfway through the sequel i think, and it's going slowly because i'm not sure how i'm going to get the plot climax to come together. and i'm paying the piper, as i foresaw: fanfiction has a level of engagement that original fic doesn't, and I really tried to cushion myself against that by trying to collect people who'd come along with me, but of the 20 or so people i gave access to the doc, only half have engaged with it at all, and of those, only about half made it all the way though the first one and into the sequel, and I know people are still plugging away and I did expect there to be some tapering-off-- it's so many words! it is and real life is so busy, etc-- but I had foolishly expected a few more people to actually follow through, since I'd made it so very very opt-in to start with. So I do treasure every comment but there just aren't very many, and I know the first novel needs some structural changes but I don't know how to identify or make them, and I know I need to slog through and finish the thing before I can decide how to revise the start of it. And as I had sort of expected, I'm really having trouble being alone with myself in it, and it doesn't help that the pace is so slow because I don't have very much time to work on it now-- when I do have time, I have to spend so much effort convincing myself that people will care and it is worth doing etc etc. Lack of momentum is a real bitch.

No shade to those who haven't been able to actually interact, but, I am struggling. Last week was really bad, for hormonal reasons I suspect, but having come out the other side of that, I am grimly aware that it wasn't just that, it is a real problem I'm dealing with. So, if you did request access to that doc and have been thinking about getting around to it, I'm still in need, maybe more than ever. And if you did request access and never saw the email where I granted it, do let me know. And if you didn't request access because you thought so many other people already had, or something like that, well. I never closed the form.

I keep trying to convince myself it's not a bad story. I did just get to the exciting bit, I think. It's got first draft problems but I swear there's good bits. But sometimes I feel like I'm just deluding myself that anybody's going to want to read this. Yeah I've published millions of words on AO3 and reasonable numbers of people seem to love them, but those were other people's characters; my own just aren't that compelling, is the unavoidable feeling it gives me. So I'm having a really hard time with that, but I knew I would.

In my weary despair last week I tabbed back over to my fanfic docs but you know, that's a sort of false comfort-- it's been so long since I updated most of those stories that I don't think I'd get a lot of engagement if I did finish the half-done chapters and get them up. I might try; I know there are a few rereaders, and some people subscribed who'd probably come back and look. But I'm really determined to finish this story with the solarpunk stuff and the mammoths and talking dolphins and so on, even if almost nobody wants to read it, because I never was going to be able to sell it anyway and sometimes you just really need to tell a story.

It's just lonely, and I'm tired.

Anyway. I just spent two hours trying and failing to make myself write more and am giving up to go do more unconnected home tasks because idk what else to do.

[fushitoru]

Hii lovely! I'm a very anxious person, so I'm so sorry if I come across as awkward in any way shape or form, I tend to be more of a lurker, but I'm trying to get better at interacting!!

First of all, your Bridgerton fic is??? SO?? GOOD??? The way you portray all the characters, the language, the settings, everything is just absolutely chef's kiss!! When I watched season 3 this spring I was sat there thinking about how good Gojo would be in the setting, so cue my excitement once I found your fic lmfaoo

ALSO?! Spider-man Gojo?? Academic rivals to lovers??? I would literally give my soul for that. Spidey is my all time favourite superhero and it's one of my favourite tropes sob SUPER excited to read it once you get it done!! <3

You write so so so beautifully and you (among a few others) make me actually feel like getting my finger out of my arse and write myself LOL But until then, have some art of Bridgerton Gojo? Just a sketch for now, and I couldn't for the life of me decide on hairstyle, so uhh, have both I guess??(+ two slightly different expressions lmfao)

I also just want to mention, please make sure to not pressure yourself too hard with writing and take everything at your own pace!! I (among others, I'm sure) would wait for however long you need to finish up these lovely works of yours!!

(I'm so sorry if these ever get super long, I'm a big time yapper, which is ironic for an anxious person loool)

Muuuch love<33

OMG HI BB!!!!! thank you so much for interacting with me, even though it's out of your comfort zone :') plsplspls don't worry about being too awkward or anything, i literally was smiling like an idiot while reading ur ask!!

and AHHH thank you so much!!! it's so funny that you say you thought that while watching season three because it was actually that season that made me want to write this series. glad to be of service <3

AHHH i'm also really excited to post it. i'm not done but im sooooo excited to finish it and have really been enjoying the process because spiderman is also one of my fav troupes + i feel like i've been able to write it in my OWN voice. super super excited for that <3

OH MY GOD. YOU DRAW SO BEAUTIFULLY??? I LOVE THIS SKETCH. i honestly really like both hairstyles and expressions you drew them so well 😭 i definitely imagine his hairstyle as the one on the left while im writing. everything from the outfit to pose you drew SO WELL (im in LOVE with the jacket as well as the shoes) he looks so BOUGIE and so TALL im literally going to climb him. and im ngl the expression the right seems so much like his sassy self, especially when he's making fun of someone while his expression on the left i interpret as something a bit more unfiltered, when he's more genuine. god you are so talented, literally captured the vibes.

AND ILY!!! no matter how long these asks are i will read them pls bring forth the yap. literally squealed while reading this, ilysm. thank you SO MUCH for drawing bridgerton!gojo im so honored 🫶🫶🫶

[thecapricunt1616]

The Bear & His Honey Chapter 3

Inspo: Quote - “All the lights couldn’t put out the dark that’s running through my heart ”  Summary: (18+ ONLY FIC!!!) Winnie & Richie meet for the first time, have a conversation about their love for Taylor Swift over a cigarette while Carmen fights through a panic attack in his office. W/C: 3,000 A/N: Oh my WORD!! I am so excited for this chapter, I hope you all like it!! I’m hoping my Carmy and Richie are doin’ it for ya! I’m feeling this pacing for the moment, but I promise there will be a time jump at some point. I just want to have the relationships build a little and have you guys get to know Winnie outside of who she is with Carmy!!  Warnings for BTC: Abuse (Verbal, Emotional, Physical), Swearing, Self Harm, Cigarettes, Mentions of alcohol, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Disassociation, Negative self talk, bad coping skills. (0 smut though, wow!!) 

𝒞𝒽𝑒𝒸𝓀 𝒪𝓊𝓉 𝑀𝓎 𝑀𝒶𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓁𝒾𝓈𝓉!

Chapter 2 Here!

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

“Don’t worry missy, mommy isn’t forgetting about you” I brush my hand over my cat, Persephone’s, supple fluffy white tail. “Jus’ give me a second ok?” I leaned into the mirror, finishing applying a mauve lip liner to the edges of my lips before filling them in with gloss. I give myself one final lookover, smoothing down my pale, buttercup-colored cardigan. I look like I should be freezing my ass off, but thanks to my fleece-lined nude tights- I am warm as can be. 

I head into the kitchen, Persephone weaving in and out of my legs as she usually did getting a giggle out of me. “Poor starving fluffy baby mm’?” I coo, grabbing her dish from the cabinet and emptying one of her favorite shrimp-flavored Friskies lil’ soups into the bowl, and setting it down for her. She dives right in and I scratch her head lovingly. “There, that is your bedtime snack ok? You got it early, so when it’s really time for bed later, don’t try and tell me I forgot somethin’ yea?” I go grab my ‘purse’ from the bedroom which was just the tote I’d gotten at Taylor Swift's concert a few months ago, as well as my white pleather platform boots, and sit in the entry hall, putting them on. 

I look at myself once more in the hall mirror, adjusting the white bow tying back my long locks that I’d curled. “Love y’ baby, Mama be home soon, be goods ok?” I called to Seph’ who was still chowing down in the kitchen. I slipped on my fur cape shawl-type garment over my shoulders and stepped out of my apartment. Locking my door, I headed back down a few blocks to The Bear. I put on my headphones as I walk, humming softly to the music blasting through them. 

As I approach the alleyway, I see light puffs of smoke coming out into the street. I hurried my pace, hoping it was Carmen out for a smoke before I showed up. But when I finally see around the corner, it's not Carmen, it’s some other man. Older, wearing a brown leather jacket. He nods in my direction and his lips move, his voice completely drowned out by the music that was still blasting in my ears. I pull my headphone away from my ear lightly “Sorry, wha’dya say?” I asked, taking them off and putting them in my bag.  

“I asked if you were in your Fearless Era? Nice sweater” he said and I smiled wide. “Shut up- you listen to Taylor Swift?” I walked up to him, leaning a few feet away on the brick wall. “Hell yeah! My daughter loves her, you saw the show too?” He takes another drag of his cigarette and I smile with an enthusiastic nod. “Mmhmm!!” I say proudly “Can you believe She played Death By A Thousand Cuts and Mad Woman?! Those are like, my favorites from those albums!” 

He blows the smoke past me and nods with a smile. “It really was fuckin’ fantastic. Broad puts on such a crazy show it was fire.” I looked closer and realized he was wearing chef's clogs “D’ you work here?” I questioned. Another nod “My cus’ owns it. You been?” He asked and my eyes widened before I let out a laugh, a real laugh. 

“I’m here for - for him!! Actually. He umm..invited me for a drink.” I said a shy smile dancing on my lips and my cheeks heating slightly.

“Holy shit” he laughs. “Holy fuckin’ shit” he shakes his head in disbelief. “What?” I giggle. “He has a secret girlfriend or somethin’?” I joked and that got another chuckle out of him. “No, no. Absolutely not- I just am- in shock and awe.” He snorts, taking another drag. 

“Why’s that? Am I ugly or somethin’?” I teased “oh no no quite the opposite actually, surprised he was able to talk to you. Kid gets all quiet around pretty girls.” I shrugged. “Hes….shy. But very funny.” I added. “Funny? Wow. I can’t wait to tell Sug’ t’morrow. Wait so how did you- how did he ask you out?” He questioned.

 I took a deep breath, a sheepish smile on my face “ok, so- he didn’t - he did ask, but he did it by making me ask. He was like ‘oh so you only go out with guys that have xyz’ and I was like ‘no you askin’ me out player?’ And he was like ‘nope but we can go out’ he’s such a dork” I smile at my feet and he snorts a laugh, rubbing his chin like Carmen does. 

“Yeee’ that’s Carmen’s style. He's very indirect- with girls that is. With family though- god. He’s too honest most of the time” I look back up at him. “So… how does this whole thing work, like- so Carmen is your cousin, and who is Sugar?” I asked “oh, yeah Sugars my cousin too, but she’s Carmy’s big-sis. That’s why if you decide to start comin’ ‘round more often don’t be surprised if you see her bossin’ him around even though he’s technically the boss” I giggle a bit. 

“Ohh no I saw it already. She’s- she can be scary. But she’s very pretty, so that makes up for it. She came in tellin’ him off about cups earlier” I said and he chuckles “Yeah. She was the torment today, it’s usually Carmen but he was ok for the most part. Except at the end of the day, oh! Shit!! Oh my god you” he said and I looked at him, confused. “Me?” I question, pointing at my chest. “You. Yeah you. That’s why he was sooo fuckin’ dead set on hauling everyone’s asses out the door at 9:40. Oh and that’s why he had Marcus deep clean the bar. I see.” He took another drag of his cigarette. A heat brushed my cheeks.

 Is he nervous to see me? 

I take my bottom lip between my teeth in thought. “How’d you meet?” He asked, bringing me back. My gaze meets his again, “ah- we met today? Actually? Well, I think I’ve seen him like- around, because I’ll take walks on my breaks so he’s probably been out smoking. But I was gonna come by the restaurant for lunch and he was in need of a light so, I gave him one. And then he found I work at the bookstore and figured that means I’m smart or something and with his pretty eyes he just… managed to rope me into editing your dessert menu” I said and he laughed. 

“That’s one thing about Carm’ this place?” He taps the brick with his finger “Is him, he will do anything to make something perfect about it. So I guess consider yourself smart since he trusted you to even suggest he does anything differently. That’s so much trust with him, he must really like you” he said and I blushed, my eyes meeting my boots again. 

Really like you. 

“So are all you Berzattos this charming, or is it just you and Carm?” I teased and he laughed, his head falling back “Oh, I like you” he pats my arm before stomping out the butt of his cigarette. “Here, you don’t have to walk all the way around - let me just let you in the kitchen” he dug keys out of his pocket, unlocking the large metal door. “Just realized, never got your name.” He said, opening the door and holding it ajar with his foot. 

“Winnie” I reply, and held out my hand. He shakes it, his hands were cold from the weather but his touch was gentle. “Richie” he said and I looked into the hall that leads into the kitchen, my heart beginning to hammer in my chest. “Well I’ll leave you kids at it. No fuckin’ in the kitchen it’s spotless “ he said, breaking the tension in my chest and earning a laugh from me. “No promises, know where he is?” I asked and he nodded with his chin down the hall “2nd door on the right, his office. He’s probably finishing up paperwork n’ shit.” He said and I gently kissed his cheek on my way through the door, a friendly gesture. 

“It was very nice to meet you, Richie.” I said sweetly, his cheeks were bright red. “You too, Winnie. Hopefully we see you around more- Carm can use the attitude adjustment you gave ‘em this afternoon a little more often.” He joked and my cheeks were the ones that now felt hot to the touch. 

He actually listened to what I’d said about being good. 

I nod “I’ll work on it” I said and he nodded with a smile, “night.” He said “g’night! Be safe!” I replied as he shut the door. 

The kitchen was completely silent, the only sound was the buzzing of the lights. It was literal night and day. The bookstore was always quiet unless we were doing story time for littles, and at night it was just as quiet. 

“Carmen?” I called out, my heels clicking as I made my way down the hall. “Hellooo? Hello hello?” I called, hoping he’d open up the office door. My heart picks up again, I feel it in my throat. Pounding, booming. I try to swallow the thick thumping, but it doesn’t help. I hear a hard thump against Carmen’s office door, causing my eyebrows to furrow. 

I get up to it, leaning in and I hear Carmen breathing, heavy and uncontrolled. I speak up, trying to find my confidence. He had invited me here. He wants me here. 

He trusted you to even suggest he does anything differently. That’s so much trust with him, he must really like you…

Richie’s words of encouragement bounce around in my mind. 

I took a deep breath, gently tapping on the door with my French tip. 

“Carmen? Carrrm? Ya’ in there? Hellooooo? I hear you breathing in there… Ok, well guess what- I just met your cousin Richie, and apparently? He listens to Taylor Swift too. So, unless you open up this door? I’ll like- totally go right back out there and flirt with him - and, you’ll positively 100% lose your super-duper smokin’ hot date to your awesome, super friendly cousin-“ 

Carm POV;

**10 minutes before Winnie shows up**

I lean against the office door, eyes screwed shut, so tightly my forehead was beginning to cramp up as my hand shakes uncontrollably next to me, my wrist cracking with every violent flick. I was desperately trying to feel something, but my entire body was numb. My chest heaves up and down rapidly, tears burning my eyes and I roughly rub over my forehead and cheeks. Clawing at my hair and pulling tightly, to feel something, anything at all. “Fuckin - get it together, fuck!” I muttered, desperate, my nails digging into my forearm so hard that if I had any mind to me at this moment, I’d realize I was drawing blood. She would be here any second, the first - first girl, the only girl I have ever had the balls to ask out, and of course one of these - these - episodes.. Just had to come on - right now. I bump my head against the door in a futile attempt to ground myself, but it doesn’t work. I still feel fucking nothing. 

All of a sudden, per usual to this bullshit- I’m transported back to New York, to Noma, in the bathroom, hurling my guts up before my regular night shift. The pang in my stomach though, was merciful compared to the fucking hell on earth that place was.

 Then, I was on line, making Julianne cuts to a carrot for the 3rd time since the previous 2 were ‘obviously done by a blind ape’, or ‘disgustingly amateur’ as per what I can only presume is the words of the demonic human incarnate of every, single, sin, in any life, I’ve ever fucking lived, coming back in this one to haunt me in to my grave. 

 “You fucking stupid sack of shit” he seeths in my ear. “You are pure shit. Hear me? You are nothing motherfucker, you are a fucking shitstain on my name. I swear, at this rate? You get outta’ here? You are done, Hear me? DONE!!!” he barks in my ear so vociferous that it circumscribes the furthest corners of my mind, my knife slipping when I twitch slightly at the pain of the volume in my ear and it shreds into my skin, deep. 

I hissed at the sting before the fire of pain, my hand jerking away on instinct and dropping the knife. It clattered to the floor loudly and before I could react he grabbed the collar of my whites brutely, dragging me somewhere, my feet stumbling and tripping over each other as he towed me like a ragdoll, before he was violently throwing me to the floor of the bathroom in a pathetic, bleeding heap. “Fucking pussy” he growled, digging his chef's clog in my side just enough to knock the remaining wind out of my lungs. “Clean yourself up, pathetic moron. There's fucking work to be done, or did you overlook that? You slothful, utterly useless, piece of garbage.” The door to the bathroom slams, and I’m left alone, my blood leaking into the tile. At least he didn’t spit on me this time. 

My first thought isn’t if I need stitches, or of the unbelievable pain coursing through my hand and wrist - of course not, why would I ever think of myself first? Instead, it’s of the fact that my blood pool has already grown so large that it’s leaking into the grout of the restroom floor. And if it stains with the remnants of my stupid mistake, I am fucked, done, and utterly screwed. I scramble up, wincing lightly as I try to take a breath, a sharp ache going through my left lung where his shoe had dug in. 

Suddenly, I’m ripped through the walls of space and time, the soft hum of the heater meeting my ears, as the sound of the sweetest voice I’d ever heard makes its way through the door, She’s here.

“Carmen? Carrrm? Ya’ in there? Hellooooo? I hear you breathing in there… Ok, well guess what- I just met your cousin Richie, and apparently? He listens to Taylor Swift too. So, unless you open up this door? I’ll like- totally go out there and flirt with him - and, you’ll positively 100% lose your super-duper smokin’ hot date to your awesome, super friendly cousin- I also brought my book since you were just sooo interested earlier. Maybe you can take some tips from the bat-boys for your flirting skills, handsome.” 

Her voice was like a tether, gently tugging me back into my body. It’s as if my soul snaps back into my physical self all at once, her words ringing through my mind like soothing white noise, not registering a single thing she’s saying, but relishing in the fact my feet were on the ground, and I was beginning to be able to feel them there again. I try to find focus on the sound of her sweet, sweet voice.

My face finally relaxes, and I force my eyes open. I’m back- Back at the bear. I let out a shaking sigh of relief, my entire body was trembling. Blood felt like it was pooling back into every one of my limbs in a tsunami. I suddenly felt so heavy, like I could just sink into the floor in a heap and die there.

“J-J-J” I stutter out, biting down on my cheek so hard I felt a sting of pain and the taste of metal filled my mouth, so embarrassed that I’m succumbing to my old habits, especially in front of her. Forcing a deep breath into my lungs, finding my head, find your head, find it, find it Carmen. 

I inhaled so deeply it felt for a moment like my lungs could pop like balloons, before focusing all of my energy into letting out the breath as controlled and light as I could, which finally centered me enough to be able to find my tongue. “Just One sec. M’ sorry” I managed to get out, rubbing over my face roughly to get rid of the remnants of any stray tears, before wiping my hands on my shirt and turning to open the door. 

Before my mind and my….brain? Could process my actions, I was pulling the door open, pulling her into my chest, and nuzzling my face into her neck. I held her to me tightly, as if we were hanging off the very edge of the earth, and she was my only tether to reality. I took a deep breath, my knees feeling weaker at the intoxicating scent of her, Jasmine, rose, orange? Maybe grapefruit…and…Honey.  

“Thank y’ for comin’, Winnie, I need a fuckin’ drink, now.” I mutter quietly into her supple skin.

Read Chapter 4 Here!

[marimeeko]

Unnamed Fix-it fic: Chapter 2! (Post 431, Angst, hurt/eventual comfort, mutual pining and idiocy, BAKUDEKU)

Alright, I'm sending this one. I have had a bit of a war with myself over the sequence of events, but I think I have it figured out. I will continue to be anxious about it though. Lol.

Also I estimate this will be about 5 to 6 chapters. I think. I will try not to get carried away, lmao.

This chapter is admittedly cheesy-sweet but like...whatever, it's fun. 🥲

//Chapter 1//Chapter 2//

"With that, let's take our break for lunch!" Izuku clapped his hands together, cheerfully dismissing his class of first years. The classroom began to buzz, students beginning to sweep all of their worksheets and study materials away into their bags.

"Oh, it's a bit early," Izuku corrected himself, finally checking his watch. The time usually escaped him when he did his lectures, but today it had gone at a stellar pace. "So, does anyone have any last questions before we are all packed up?"

No one thought to raise their hands , so Izuku carried on with erasing the board behind him.

Someone next to the window looked at Izuku and raised their hand and asked,

"Midoriya-sensei, DynaMight hasn't crashed our class to bring you lunch in a while! What's going on?"

"What? DynaMight?" Izuku laughed, thoroughly not expecting that question at all. "Well, he's really busy, and he's working on his own agency now, so I imagine he's off taking care of that!"

The classroom then started to whisper, excitedly, about the prospect of DynaMight having his own agency. Izuku smiled to himself as he got back to erasing the board, thinking fondly about Katsuki having become a favorite of his students. Most kids their age, and even the kids in his class, tended to like more...agreeable, or charismatic heroes, as well as ones higher than Katsuki on the ranking list. Mirio, of course, was quite popular, not just for his power and his record of saving, but for that honest, goofy personality and golden retriever energy.

Katsuki had his audience, for sure, but they skewed typically towards young adult males who liked his powerful quirk and take no prisoners attitude in battle.

However, the students in Izukus orbit seemed to have taken a shine to the bombastic hero. Not that Izuku could blame them...Kacchan was still amazing...

"Midoriya-sensei! Does that mean you're going to go work for his agency??" Kota shouted this time. The classroom went quiet quickly, everyone anticipating the answer.

Izuku froze, hand still raised, eraser pressed to the board.

He had already shown his students the suit that now allowed him to do hero work, and given them a rousing demonstration of how the suit replicated his former powers, and it had honestly been one of his funnest days teaching to have his students try to catch him in it. The kids were inspired to see their legendary teacher back in action, so it was only natural, he supposed, for the kids to have questions on how he intended to do his hero work going forward.

But the question still caught him off guard somehow.

The eraser in his hand finished it's streak as Izuku turned back around.

"Well...I'm a teacher, so my place is with you guys!" Izuku cheerfully explained. "I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to do both..."

That drew mixed reactions from the class.

"You can't just stay in here," Kota suddenly rebuffed. "You're too good, Deku, and you have the suit now! Think of how many people you could save!"

Izuku was floored, but immediately waved away the praise in a panic.

"Kota, wait, hold on, it's not that easy-- and I'm hardly at the level I was back then," Izuku inwardly flinched at how much he sounded like the awkward teenager he used to be, as he turned bright red and his hands waved in front of him. "Kacc--DynaMight and I--"

"You can't deny, though, that you two made an incredible team!" A girl from the other side of the class spoke up, her glowing eyes piercing right through Izuku. "We've all seen the footage from the war, Midoriya-sensei! Y'all were unstoppable against All for One and your chemistry's insane!"

A chorus of students agreed in time with her.

Izuku scratched at the back of his head frantically, "Guys, that was 8 years ago, and we..."

And we have different lives now; he wanted to say, but somehow, the words stuck in his throat.

"Sensei... did you and DynaMight... break up?" Another student with animated hair who always visually reminded him of Burnin piped up.

A very heavy silence seized the classroom, and 20 sets of eyes rounded on Izuku. Izuku could have heard a pin drop, and suddenly realized that even his breath had stopped dead in its tracks. The implication, the words hung uncomfortably in the air.

"I-we...wait... what??" Izuku stammered, trying to inhale again. Green eyes looked around at his students, utterly confused. "You guys, that's not what happened," he tried to laugh, but it came out as sheer panic.

"It would explain why he hasn't shown up to bug you for like, a week..." Kota scoffed with his arms crossed. "He's always acted like a huge jerk."

"Yeah, but not with Midoriya-sensei," another girl countered, whirling around to face Kota. "You've known them the longest, there's no way you can't see how different he acts in our classroom, Kota-kun!"

"DynaMight was here just last week for that communication demonstration!" Came a differing perspective from the elected class president, a stern girl who reminded Izuku so much of Tenya. "Anyway, it really isn't our place to assume about Sensei's personal life, I think this has gone far enough, don't you all?"

"T-thank you, Arisa-San," Izuku thanked the girl, with a deep sigh that was punctuated by the tone of the dismissal bell.

As deeply pulled in to the sudden drama as the students had been, their switch was immediate. Having already packed away, they all got to their feet in a hurry and the clamoring for lunch began. Voices rang past Izuku as they gave their departing thanks for the lesson, and well wishes for lunch, and even a few of them commenting,

"I hope he shows up today, Midoriya-sensei!" "Don't worry, Sensei, it'll work out!"

And the class rep herself stopped on the way out, bowing deeply and apologizing on behalf of her classmates for intruding.

Izuku could do little else than stand there, where his feet had been rooted in shock, waving his beloved students off to their break, bowing his own thanks to the girl. She really was like Iida, he couldn't help but smile.

The noise and chaos filtered slowly out of the room, and Izuku's held breath escaped him in a rushing sigh.

"Where on Earth did that come from?" He weakly mused, melting down into his chair.

It had been almost 2 weeks exactly since he saw Katsuki at the reunion and the subject of the agency had first been broached. True enough that Katsuki had shown up to UA to do that presentation on communication, and it had gone perfect, but had remained mostly business. But the kids were right, and he somehow hadn't realized until now that Katsuki hadn't shown up unannounced with an extra Bento during his lunch hour for several days.

He hadn't realized that it had become such a habit that even his kids were counting on it happening frequently. Somehow, they had noticed the absence of Katsuki barging in their unlocked window, and he hadn't.

Izuku's gaze shifted from the stack of papers he was sorting, to the window in question. All he could see outside of the glass was a perfectly blue sky.

He pushed his chair back and approached the window, and slid it open. It was unlocked, as usual. Katsuki had perfect enough timing somehow that he rarely ever actually interrupted any of his lessons. It's like he waited for the bell.

Izuku pressed his hands into the sill and leaned out, looking out on the city far away from the secluded location of UA. As if he was hoping to spot a far away figure growing closer and louder on his way. He honestly wondered sometimes if Nezu and the security team were aware of Katsuki exploding himself onto campus just to see him. If they were, they hadn't said anything.

Izuku pulled himself back inside, and slid the window gently shut. He found himself missing Katsuki's presence, and now mourning the several days that the absence had gone unnoticed.

But he didn't demand or ask questions of Katsuki. He enjoyed his company on lunch breaks, and the meals he cooked were delicious. He couldn't ask for more from his childhood friend and rival, couldn't be greedy with his attention. If Katsuki had to spend time elsewhere, doing other things, Izuku was far from argument.

Scarred hands lingered on the glass and the pristine frame. Izuku's softened green eyes pointed downward, seeing the image of Katsuki sliding it open, not hard enough to damage, but definitely enough to make an entrance. Sticking one boot in first, the other knee folded up to his chest, face mask pulled back over his forehead, and often smeared in a layer of soot. Izuku could see clearly, the mental image of Katsuki carrying his two Bento, leaning against the frame of the window, with a rough, teasing "OI, Sensei," and a smirk.

Izuku ran his fingers along the frame.

Suddenly, a sadness panged in his chest, because there was no mark of Katsuki being there...he always made sure to clean the frame after lunch... and no sign of him showing up.

Today it would be like the other days, Izuku would head down to the UA cafeteria, a pile of papers in his hands to pour over until the next class would begin. That's just how it was.

"Different lives," Izuku murmured to himself. Then tore his gaze away from the window to get going.

That's all it was...right?

As he passed his desk, he grabbed his Suit Case with the bold, green and black "18" on it, the decal being a memento that had been included when All Might and Katsuki had given it to him. He never went anywhere without it these days.

The metal in his hands, the heft of the technology within, gave him an idea. After all, he had a small window of time later, if he hurried...

--

It was just past sunset when Katsuki finally stopped on the ledge of a building, echoes of his explosions hanging in the air and smoking out of his gauntlets. Breathing only a bit heavy from the workout of flying over the tops of buildings, crimson eyes settled on the streets below.

The afternoon had settled down quite a bit and the evening promised to be calm, at least, from where he stood, mid patrol.

He checked the time, it was a perfect point to stake out the area and take a breather.

As the lights turned on throughout the city, Katsuki crouched into a squat position, and felt the tension ease out of his calves. A lot of running around and responding to incidents earlier had left him feeling the physical strain of the day etching slowly into his muscles.

His stomach grumbled lowly. It had also apparently been a while since his last meal.

He grimaced, he was exceedingly aware that he had forgone taking his lunch hour at UA. In fact it weighed heavy on his mind lately.

There was guilt about it nagging him, he didn't really like avoiding Izuku. But there was also a feeling of necessity, as if he was protecting his peace, as some therapist might tell him.

Or maybe it was Izuku's peace he was protecting. Letting him have that space to do what was special to him...even if it included being away from Katsuki.

He shook his head, blonde spikes flapping around and bangs batting his face, before burying a gloved hand into his hair. What was he even thinking? Protecting Izuku's peace?

It was bullshit and he knew it. He just didn't want to feel hurt when looking at his most important person. But if he was so important, why would he ignore him like this? It was stupid. He knew it was stupid.

He could just hear his father's lectures in his head, telling him there was no reason to think that Izuku and his relationship had to change, just because Izuku told him no. Then his mother chiming in with telling him he was being overdramatic, and most likely an asshole.

Yeah, he probably was, he thought with a puff of a sigh.

But, at the same time, Izuku hadn't really reached out to him much, either. And that made him so much moodier.

A grimace almost overtook his face, before he suddenly heard something behind him-- sounds of footsteps, nimble, but deep, as if they were iron clad. They leapt across unseen rooftops, and punctuated with the sounds of blasting air.

Wait-- he knew those sounds...he knew exactly what made those sounds.

Katsuki turned to look over his shoulder, and sure enough, there was Izuku, bounding gracefully closer, clearing the last gap to the rooftop Katsuki was perched on with a perfectly timed blast of the One For All replica suit. Izuku landed with another "clomp-clomp" of his boots, and jogged across the roof, a huge smile obvious on his face, even through the darkness.

"Kacchan!" He called out excitedly, thrusting a hand up to wave. In his other hand, a dangling plastic bag, Katsuki had to surmise it was from a convenience store.

"Kacchan, so glad I found you!" Izuku panted as he came even with Katsuki, who suddenly found himself on his feet.

"Hey," Katsuki greeted, somehow surprised to see Izuku there. "You took a patrol tonight?"

"Not exactly," Izuku said with one last deep in hale and exhale to catch his breath. "I have plans with Uraraka in a bit, but I wanted to find you, first..." Izuku explained, and then reached for the bag that was swinging on his arm.

Katsuki shoved down the feelings spiking through his heart at the mention of Uraraka.

"I um...I know it's not much, it certainly doesn't beat your cooking! ...and I would try to do better, maybe get some good takeout or something if I had more time, but--" Izuku pulled out a package, clear plastic, containing a trio of rice balls, and held it out to Katsuki. "But I-- I didn't see you at lunch today, or really, in a few days, and I just wanted to make sure..." Izuku was rambling, and he knew it.

Katsuki's wide eyes jumped from Izuku's face, to the offering and back to Izuku, but somehow couldn't find the words. The way the colorful lights from the cityscape played across his freckles, his scar, and his bright green eyes didn't help the feeling that he wanted to lean in...

"I just wanted to make sure that, you know...you got a good meal in?" Izuku finished, voice trailing off as if he was becoming more embarrassed by the second. When Katsuki took a moment to respond, Izuku's cheeks heated up and his confidence wavered.

"I mean...if you have, that's good too, you don't have to take it. You probably had something good earl--"

"Oi, quit muttering, you're gonna drive me insane," Katsuki retorted, but Izuku's heart lightened to hear a subtle fondness behind the commonplace demand. Izuku felt Katsuki's hand weigh down his as he took the offered food, the plastic creaking as it changed hands.

"Actually, I haven't eaten in hours," Katsuki smirked, holding on to the meal as he took a seat on the ledge of the roof, boots dangling down the side of the building. Izuku didn't hesitate to sit down beside him.

Katsuki wasted no time in grabbing the first rice ball and taking a large bite. Izuku watched him with a smile, seeing the hunger Katsuki felt clearly melting away. He then turned and looked out on the city with Katsuki.

For a moment, traffic several stories below dominated the quiet between them.

"It seems quiet tonight," Izuku mused. Katsuki nodded.

"Yeah, or we're just waiting for the other shoe to drop," Katsuki added, around a mouthful of food, his eyes, obscured by his pitch black mask, narrowed suspiciously at the easy shift he had had that day. "Too bad you have a date or whatever with Round Face, something fun usually happens around 8 or 9 when the weirdos come out, you could get some real Hero Work in," Katsuki ribbed, starting in on the second rice ball.

"Oh, I really couldn't, right after that I have to get some coffee and get through a bunch of essays! We have a really busy unit, right now, and it's almost finals!" Izuku cheerfully declared. "But, um...next week....I think I might have a few free blocks of time?"

Katsuki rounded on the final rice ball, and considered his words carefully before saying anything.

"Whatever works, Sensei," he settled on earnest support. "And don't you dare get addicted to caffeine like an idiot. If I catch you with a bunch of 5-Hour Energy garbage drinks like that dumbass Kaminari, it's on sight, Izuku."

Izuku laughed, and smiled so warmly at Katsuki, the blonde thought he might melt. So he looked away as he chewed, feeling his face getting obnoxiously hotter.

"I really did miss you at lunch, Kacchan." Izuku sighed after the fond laughter. "So did the kids, believe it or not! They uh...they actually thought we had broken up. Does that sound like they thought we were dating??"

Katsuki choked on the food in his mouth.

"They what??" Katsuki strained around a couple of coughs. Izuku blushed deeply and looked away.

"Yeah, I uh...they caught me off guard, too." Izuku nervously said. Then he had some realization and looked back at Katsuki with a hint of panic in his eyes. "Oh wait... please, don't let that stop you from coming in, I really do want to see you more, and the kids love you, they mean well, but..."

"Izuku it's fine." Katsuki said, a little harsher than he meant to. He was still so floored. "Let the brats think what they want, I guess. If it bothers you, tell 'em to shut up, be a mean teacher for once."

"Sorry," Izuku whimpered, fingers fidgeting in his lap. "I dont want you to be upset with them, I think I shouldn't have said anything..."

"I'm not upset with them," Katsuki growled. Then sighed, trying not to sound like the angry asshole he knew he could be. He closed his crimson eyes and took a deep breath. Time to try for a little honesty.

"You're important to me, Izuku. So I guess...it's like a compliment," He opened his eyes and stared down at his hands, clutching the empty plastic container, feeling the comfort of his now full stomach. "It means they can see how much I care for you."

"Kacchan," Izuku smiled the warmest smile yet, city lights dancing on his blushing face. "I hope if that's the case, then they can see the same in how I care about you!"

He said it so easily, so innocently, that it killed Katsuki on the inside...but in the warmest, most enticing way.

"And...I do want to work with you more, I promise," Izuku added. "When my schedule opens up, let's coordinate! I'll be able to take a few shifts here and there!"

The offer is still open...Katsuki wanted to say. Please, take it, be my partner, and then go out with me for real. The words pounded on the inside of his head as if they were caged, and demanded to be spoken.

"Literally any time, Izuku." Katsuki said softly. He hoped, selfishly, that there was enough heart and meaning inflected in his words that even Izuku would catch it. If he could just beam it into the skull under all of those green curls, he would.

For a moment, their gazes connected, and that was all Katsuki needed, to see those expressive doe eyes focused on him, and him alone. Izuku, even at 25 years old, had no idea how beautiful he was, and was anyone going to tell him?

Would Uraraka tell him?

Abruptly, the moment ended, and Izuku pulled out his phone, eyes widening immediately.

"Kacchan, I do have to go, though, sorry," Izuku apologized, and jumped to his feet. Katsuki followed after, ready to see him off, despite the disappointment. Truth be told, he had been in one spot too long himself and needed to move his patrol along.

"Don't go for any of the crap in the cafeteria tomorrow, nerd," Katsuki ordered Izuku gruffly as the quirkless hero knelt in a few stretches before him. He held out the plastic container from the rice balls, and Izuku accepted it into the bag he still held, promising wordlessly to dispose of the trash. "I'll pay you back for the food today and then some."

Izuku lit up the rooftop with one final smile.

"I got it, Kacchan!" He chirped, and turned with a flip of his yellow cape, and started heading off with a final wave over his shoulder. "I look forward to it!"

Katsuki watched as Izuku took off, teal lights from the suit streaking off into the dark and once again bounding across rooftops and alleyways.

He grabbed the back of his neck with a hand, and warmed up his hand just a bit, enough to swallow some of the tension in the muscles. Turning back towards his city watch, he thought to himself that maybe his dad was right...he could still be with Izuku even if it wasn't quite what he had imagined.

With a figurative and literal leap of faith and confidence, Katsuki took a step and plunged off the roof, igniting his quirk with loud, popping explosions and shooting off into the night.

---

(To be continued)

* I also realize that I initially wrote this with the wrong timeline in mind; so correction: when Katsuki said that it had been a week since he'd given Izuku the suit, it had actually been a month according to 431 itself. This is currently about 2 weeks after the reunion dinner. Izuku at this point has had the suit for about a month and a half, then. Sorry for the mistake!(I had started writing a bit before the translations started becoming reliable)

* in another vein, I am going to address the convo in the car and the whole sidekick/partner thing, just kind of with my own interpretation how it went and how it was MEANT to be received by izuku, bc that is the biggest gripe i have about 431 as we all know. But that conflict is for next chapter.

*at the risk of this chapter being too cheesy, I included like, half of a silly idea I had in a previous post of mine where all the kids hear that izuku has a date planned, and they assume that it's with Dynamight. So when they hear that it's with uravity instead, they are shocked and immediately think that the worst has happened and Bakudeku broke up, despite Izuku telling them that they weren't a couple.

*cheesy or not, though, the fluff is a nice reprieve from all the angst 🥲

***hope you enjoy! Next chapter whenever I can manage it!

[sarcasmandships]

AHHH YOU HAVE TUMBLR OMG now I can leave you overly enthusiastic comments in MORE places Everyone should read Will Solace and the Socialites of Olympus University it should be required actually!!!

Anyway I'm here to ask HOW DO YOU DO IT?? How do you write so well?? I'm taking notes for my own fics...

Honestly, I take a lot of inspiration from other things I’ve read, to be fair. I actually mentioned this in a recent author’s note, but The Secret History by Donna Tartt was a huge influence—if you haven’t read it, I seriously recommend it. I’m completely in love with her writing style. I won’t spoil anything, but there’s this whole arc that focuses on the brutality of a Vermont winter, and that really shaped how I approached weather and setting in the first chapter of Codex Solace. That whole cold, isolating atmosphere? Straight out of Tartt’s playbook.

I’ve also read some incredible fics that have massively influenced my writing. SnitchesAndTalkers is one of my absolute favourite authors on AO3—they mostly write AUs, so even if you’re not in the fandom, their stuff is still brilliant. The way they build character voice and tension? Unreal. I feel like reading really good fic is how I taught myself what kind of emotional beats and pacing actually work, and I owe a lot to the fic community for helping me grow as a writer.

Also—just to sound like I’m bigging myself up (but only slightly)—I was always really into English at school. I did Advanced Higher (which is the highest level you can take before uni here), and even though I ended up doing psych degrees, I still took a literature elective at uni just because I missed that kind of analysis. That’s where I started to really understand the literary techniques I gravitate towards. I’m obsessed with pathetic fallacy—give me a thunderstorm that reflects emotional turmoil and I will eat it up—and I love the idea of writing New York City almost as a sentient character in the story.

Also… I definitely have my “favourite words.” Re-read any fic of mine and take a drink every time I say reverence and you’ll end up in A&E. I think because I know my writing patterns so well, I get hyper-aware of them—so when I re-read my own chapters, all I can see is repetition. Like, I’ll realise I said the same thing two slightly different ways and just… didn’t pick one.

It’s definitely not all polished. I struggle with pacing a lot, which is why I’m physically incapable of writing anything other than a slow burn. Every time I try to be efficient, it turns into 25k of longing. I also tend to overwrite scenes and then go back and realise I’ve described the same emotion six times using slightly different metaphors, like I’m trying to win a poetry slam.

I’m also super detail-oriented when it comes to research. I wanted the academic stuff to feel grounded, so I was in the trenches googling engineering courses and organic chemistry despite the fact that I genuinely don’t know the six times table. I’m a words girl. Numbers? Couldn’t be me. And then for the Italian stuff, I researched the hell out of which words shared roots with Spanish—even though I barely speak either. I speak English and bad French, and I can fluently tell a waiter in Spanish that I’m allergic to shellfish, which is the important stuff, really.

Anyway, I’ve totally gone off on one and given you way more info than you probably asked for, but these are the main things I do to try and make my fics good. And honestly? The biggest motivator is just asking myself: what is going to cause the readers the most pain and suffering? And then doing exactly that.

Thank you so much for your message—and for all your comments on AO3. They genuinely mean more to me than I could ever say. I absolutely have to read Binary Stars! I’ve seen such good things about it. I just tend not to read other fics too much while I’m actively writing because I get so obsessed and start mentally writing fanfic for the fanfic, which… is a bit of a spiral. But once I’m finished with Socialites, I’m 100% diving in. We AO3 writers have to stick together—it’s the trenches out here sometimes!

[svltzmans]

begin again - h.m.

a/n: hi! this is the first angsty fic i've written so i'm very open to suggestions and thoughts lmao, even though everything i write is fluffy at the end bc i can't help myself

warnings: this is kinda sad but it gets better at the end i promise! exes to lovers, maybe a throwaway line about sex or two, as always i wrote this but didn't edit it 😁

y/n sits in her favorite coffee shop, nursing her mug delicately between her fingers.

the air outside was frigid, with each person walking on the sidewalk bundled up in warm jackets.

y/n had taken a liking to spending time alone in the café, enjoying a cappuccino or two and reading a novel.

something about the gentle hustle and bustle of the shop around her made her feel less alone, yet she felt like she could enjoy her solitude.

her reading glasses are resting on the bridge of her nose, her eyes following the lines of the pages at a quick pace.

y/n finds herself getting engrossed in stories quite often, including finishing an entire book in an hour or two.

realizing that she had finished her coffee in her trance, she brings the mug to the counter for a refill.

just as she starts her conversation with the barista, the door chimes as it opens.

an auburn haired woman walks in, her wavy locks resting effortlessly on her back and shoulders. her cheeks are a shade of pink, clearly from the chill outside. she seems confused, looking around the café like a lost child.

it's when she locks eyes with y/n that she finds what she's looking for.

y/n recognizes the woman as none other than hope mikaelson, her ex-girlfriend.

a shiver runs down her spine when she sees hope approaching.

she thinks it's a sign to walk away, but she doesn't.

she can't.

"hi," hope nearly whispers, her voice shy.

"what are you doing here?" y/n responds, a slight venom coming from every word.

hope doesn't know what to say. her mind scrambles looking for an answer.

"i, uh, coffee," she stutters, hoping that y/n would believe her.

hope knew that this was y/n's favorite café. y/n was fully aware of that.

and hope hated coffee.

nonetheless, y/n decides to just let it go.

"okay," she simply responds, taking her now full mug and sitting back at her table.

hope follows, preparing to sit. she waits for an objection from the girl across from her.

when she doesn't get one, she finally sits.

it's immediately awkward, a tension looming between hope and y/n.

"what's new?" hope asks, trying to break the ice.

y/n looks at hope with disapproval, then diverts her eyes to the ground.

"y/n, can you hear me out? please? i came to... to talk to you."

y/n keeps her head down, tapping her foot on the ground.

"i know i hurt you-" hope starts, before being interrupted by y/n.

"you broke my heart. you didn't 'hurt' me. it was much more than that to me."

hope sighs, briefly resting her head in her hands. guilt washes over her all over again, a feeling that had become familiar since her breakup with y/n.

"i gave you my all. my devotion, my support, my body, everything," y/n continues, growing slightly emotional. she speaks softly as to not disturb the peace of the shop, but the way she speaks makes her sound like she's yelling.

"and you just, ended it. and never explained it to me."

hope looks at y/n, tears welling in her eyes.

"that's why i'm here. i just, i can't stop thinking about it."

y/n takes a deep breath, looking back at her now seemingly exasperated ex.

"i just, i had never felt so strongly before. i was scared."

"scared?" y/n repeats, confusion evident in her tone.

"of the way i felt. it was all new to me. i don't think i had ever been in love before i met you, y/n."

y/n stops herself from softening at hope's words, keeping a blank expression as she explains herself.

"so you broke up with me because you... loved me?"

hope sighs, running a hand through her hair.

"it's more than that, y/n," she responds, defeat in her voice.

"i've been... hurt before. by people i thought i loved. people i thought loved me. i knew that couldn't happen with you. i guess i just... felt like i had to protect myself."

y/n feels her heart break at hope's words, remembering the pain her ex had endured.

"i understand," y/n responds, a single tear running down the side of her face. "it just... it was really hurtful."

"the way i handled it is my biggest regret," hope admits, twiddling her fingers in her lap. "you deserve better, y/n."

y/n focuses on her ex's face. she is truly beautiful, effortlessly looking angelic sitting across from her.

"i want to be the one to give you better," hope continues. "please give me another chance, y/n. i have never wanted something so badly in my life."

y/n can't help but smirk at hope, feeling flattered by her dedication.

"one date. and we'll see what happens from there," y/n responds, seeing the relief on hope's face. "i'm trusting you, mikaelson. i always have."

y/n stands up from the table, returning her mug to the counter and heading for the exit.

hope remains at the table, smiling to herself. she pulls out a small notebook from her pocket, titling the newest page "date ideas."

hope mikaelson knows she loves y/n y/l/n. now, she just has to prove it.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Once Upon a Time 2

Warnings: non/dubcon and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

Characters: Andy Barber

Part of the Bookstore AU

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging.

That man is back. You see Andy’s gray jacket as he passes through the front doors. You shouldn't recognise it so easily.

You adeptly scurry behind the end of the bookshelf and hide. You know you shouldn’t do that, he’s a customer, but it’s the third time he’s been there in five days. You’re exhausted, not just of him but everything.

Only after his last visit did you realise he’s stopped asking for Pine. The shop owner has grown elusive and the managers bold in his absence. They barely walk the floor and leave you and the other associates to deal with truck and customers alike.

You hide up around the bestsellers and pretend to sort through the Top Picks shelf. As you do, your headset beeps and Chelsea calls your name over the line. She asks you to pop into the fiction. Great, she’s passing off another customer. All she does is scroll through her phone and drink her sugary lattes.

You hit the button and tell her you’ll be right there. You don’t need her yelling at another old woman. That cost you a store credit and a lot of stress. 

You head along the far wall and turn into the fiction section. You don’t see Chelsea but you find a familiar face nonetheless. Andy smiles and gives you a wave.

“There you are. Wasn’t sure you were working,” he greets as you approach wearily. Of course, it’s him. “I finished the last book so… actually, I don’t know if you watch it but I heard there were some books for that Bridgerton show. I just got into it– is that lame?”

He chatters a lot. He has a certain air to him. He can be charming but also seems to believe that everything he says is interesting. You wish he’d realise that to you he’s just another customer. The worst type; the sort that believes they’re your only one.

“I… I’ve seen the first episode but I haven’t been able to catch up,” you humour him, “we have the books. Some of the most popular sellers.”

You guide him down the aisle towards the spread of colourful covers. He follows and stops to peruse the title. He scratches his beard as he hums.

“Thanks, uh, I didn’t even ask,” he turns on you again, “how are you doing?”

You answer with your usual, the thoughtless, “good, and you?”

“Eh, long day at work. Figure I’d stop in on my lunch. Try to distract myself,” he undoes the top button of his coat, “toasty in here, huh?”

“I guess,” you shrug, “was there anything else you need help finding?”

“Uh, no, I don’t think so,” he deflates just slightly, “you’ll be around though, if I do?”

“Sure,” you answer as you repress a wave of agitation. 

You back away as he watches you, almost mournful. You assume he’s a little lonely. You hear divorce is rough. A bit sad to see. He’s probably twice your age and he makes you think of those guys who mope when you tell them not to grind on you in the club. You’re not much into that scene but every now and then Ginny talks you into it.

You see Chelsea a few shelves down. She has an airpod in and her headset dangling. You’re not surprised. Her acrylics tap on her phone as she paces blindly up and down. She won’t be much help.

You stop by the shelf of Garfield comics and fix the few books switched around. Customers tend to mess up more than they buy. The colourful books no doubt attracted children who didn’t know better than to leave chaos in their stead. That’s why you steer clear of the children’s section, even if the plushies are cute.

You spin back, wanting to head back up to best sellers but a tall figure appears from the end of a row. Andy waves at you again, several books against his left arm. He comes towards you as you reluctantly advance.

“Hey, uh, think I found what I need,” he announces, “I was looking at the online shop and you sell the little book lights?” He holds up his fingers to show the size, “they clip onto the page.”

“Oh, uh, yes, those are at the front,” you point, “right on your way to checkout.”

“Great,” he hugs the books tighter. You stand in the lull, expecting him to say more. He clears his throat and traces his fingers around his mouth, “uh, well, you… you can’t check me out?”

“I’m not on cash until one,” you say. “Sorry, but someone will be up there.”

“Mmm,” he nods and looks down at his armful, “you’re so helpful. I wanted to fill out the survey for you.”

“That’s fine,” you shake your head, “really. I hope you enjoy your books.”

"Yeah, I don't know if I should watch the show first or after..."

"Hmm, I don't know," you say. "I hear they're both good."

He doesn’t move right away. His face falls as he lingers. You don’t know what to do. That’s about the nicest way you can say go away.

You put your hand to your earpiece and look away, “yeah, one second, be right there,” you say to no one. “Sorry, gotta get back to it.”

You inch away and twirl around, swiftly dipping down an aisle. His long sigh tails after you as his disappointment nips at your heels. It’s not like he’s done anything wrong, he’s been polite, but it’s a bit much. There’s at least six other associates he can bother. You’d prefer it if he did.

[vesperpharsalius]

hey, i'm new to here so i dont know if someone asked you to same question so, sorry to bother. may i ask if you countinuing your fic ice and fire? as i say i'm kinda new and i dont know your update schedule or smth. have a good day!!😚

Well... welcome to my corner of the hellsite! Happy to have you. Please feel free to send me messages and asks; my inbox is always open (although it’s bursting at the moment and I tend to reply with about as much speed as you’d expect if we were communicating by preindustrial transatlantic letter) and I don’t mind repeating myself in the slightest. An admirer could never bother me.

😘

So, there really is no underestimating or underselling how passionate I am about Ice and Fire and Alis Aquilae, generally, which is the collective name for my planned Bellonaverse. Words, quite simply, fail me whenever I try to convey the depth of my obsession.

Let me just say this: if, for whatever reason, this project is abandoned, it will be for one reason and one reason only: I am dead. Mourn me. Remember me fondly. Because nothing but death itself could keep me from finishing it—and, indeed, it may very kill me. I am currently committing acts of hubris in this endeavor from which I may never recover. But goddamn it, kitten—we are finding this Northwest Passage and exploring Darrow’s southwest passage, too.

The good news is that the bulk of I&F is already rough–drafted. When I first started posting, about fifteen months ago, I thought it was closer to being done and that I’d only need to do some final touches on each chapter before I published it, and… yeah. No.

🤡

Extensive rewriting and revising and polishing has delayed progress significantly; I never thought it’d take more than a few months to finish this, tbh, and it’ll be two years, come July. And, hell, I’m not even halfway through; fourteen—out of 150? To say nothing of the supplementary fics that I’ve planned for AA, written from the perspective of other characters that will complement the main trilogy; these will be about 50k apiece. 

Which is not exactly… inspiring.

😬

I also completely underestimated how distracting feedback would be. It’s difficult—almost impossible, really—for me to focus on I&F itself when I have so many wonderful comments and messages and asks that I could be answering instead, because I enjoy discussing my fics far more than I enjoy writing them, if I’m honest.

It’s the instant gratification of it all. And, y’know—the praise kink. It’s kinking. 

(If you’ve sent me an ask or a message or left a comment on I&F that I’ve yet to answer, please know that I cherish each and every one and fully intend to respond. Don’t worry about being overlooked or forgotten. But you’ll have to be very patient with me, unfortunately, because I am swamped.)

That said, I’ve decided to change the paradigm a bit. What I’m going to be doing hereafter is batches of twenty–five; so, I’ll write twenty–five chapters, release one (or maybe two) a week, go on hiatus while I write the next twenty–five chapters, and so on. The first batch will be much smaller, only eleven, as I’ve already posted fourteen. 

The hiatuses only apply to the trilogy, though; I’ll throw y’all a different bone to chew on while you’re waiting. The first one will be the final chapters of MTB; after that, though… we’ll start digging into AA’s supplementary fics that I promised and some independent Cassius–centric stuff, too.

Hopefully, this will increase my productivity to a more satisfactory rate and give y’all some consistency in your lives. Really, it’s cruel what I’ve done: all this suspense, these empty promises of updates and responses and sex so torrid that a single read will permanently alter your brain chemistry or damn you straight to superhell.

They should try me at the Hague.

At my current pace, I should be able to wrap up I&F by the end of 2025 and get started on the sequel, which is still in the conceptual phase right now. At the very least, though, this series will be ongoing for the next three years.

So. Here’s hoping y’all don’t get too sick of me. 

You can expect Chs. 15–25 of I&F to start getting posted in late June. I’m gonna chain myself to it. I may or may not release Ch. 15 on its own, as it’s 95% done; right now, I’m inclined to save it for the group. 

But... you never know. I have been known to lie.

Thank you for the ask, for your patience, and for being such a good sport as I edge you. What can I say?

In typical Cassius fashion, he’s taking his damn time.

Stay tuned. 

Update, 3/9 : I lied. Ch. 15 is live.

Update, 6/27: Ch. 16 is live. Unfortunately, progression has not gone as swimmingly as I’d hoped and weekly updates are… not happening. Biweekly updates every Friday morning (EST) are what I’m currently aiming for. At the moment, I&F is likely to stretch deep into 2026.

Update, 7/11: Ch. 17 is live. Ch. 18 can be expected on 7/25.

[the-californicationist]

twenty questions for fic writers!

thank you for the tag @crashtestbunny 🩷 i've been looking forward to this questionnaire!

here's my AO3 link if anyone needs it

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

91

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

503410

3. what fandoms do you write for?

Call of Duty (AO3)

Game of Thrones (AO3)

Blacklist (AO3)

Doctor Who (Private)

True Blood (Private)

Firefly (Private)

Star Wars (Private)

4. top five fics by kudos

Guile & Guilt (COD: Soap/Reader)

The Window (COD: Poly141/Reader)

Gunslinger (COD: Price/Reader)

5. do you respond to comments?

Yes! I try to respond to all my comments. I miss them sometimes, but for the most part, I try to get to every one.

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Budapest (COD: Price/Reader) TW: Major Character Death

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Good Fences (COD: Price/Reader)

8. do you get hate on fics?

No. I would cry. Keep the hate to yourselves, please. I'm like an unguarded marshmallow of a person.

9. do you write smut?

I think that's the only thing I can write.

10. craziest crossover:

Gravitational Shift (COD/Star Wars: Price/Sith Female OC)

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

No, luckily I'm not famous enough for that.

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! Gunslinger (COD: Price/Reader) is available in Russian.

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

The Sin Eater (COD: Monster!Price/Reader) is co-authored with the illustrious @vampirekilmerfic. When our lives calm down, we'll be finishing the damn thing. 🩷

I am also working on a Regency!Price fic with @ofdivinity01 TBA soon. 🩷

14. all time favorite ship?

SanSan

15. what's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I will finish them all.

16. what are your writing strengths?

Dialogue

Descriptions of dicks

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

Pacing. I'm always in such a hurry.

Lack of variety. I'm addicted to the HEA.

18. thoughts on dialogue in another language?

I have my PhD in Linguistics, so any chance I get, I love to include languages and dialects different from Standard English.

I spent about a month researching the difference between German and Austrian for Guardian (COD: Konig/FemOC). Probably should've spent some time researching the actual video game, but I was too horny.

When I read fics with other languages in them, it makes it feel more realistic to me, and I really enjoy it when authors throw in any locale-specific socio-cultural information as well.

19. first fandom you wrote in?

Harry Potter

20. favorite fic you've written?

Goldfish (GOT: Sandor/Sansa). I love it. I'm so proud of myself for what I was able to accomplish with that fic. Horrible reception, though.

In my COD collection, it would have to be Gunslinger, but I think Ursa Major might give it a run for its money.

NPTs: @vampirekilmerfic // @kit-williams // @deadbranch

[littlesparklight]

Twenty Questions: Writing Edition

20 questions, Writing Edition

tagged by: @beyondgrayskies 💕

How many works do you have on AO3? 290! If I'd go find and add some of my old FFVII stuff there'd be a couple more, though not up to 300.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos? Star Wars fics all: 1. Where Our Intrepid Hero Doesn't Get Away - (My bigass collection of mostly one-shots of Vader snagging his son) 2. Sun in Chains 3. The Unconquered Sun - (Previous and this one are part of the same Luke&Vader series) 4. Consequences 5. Imperial Internship - (Same for these two, a different Luke&Vader series.)

What fandoms do you write for? Right now? Greek Mythology/The Trojan war only! In the past, there's been Star Wars, Carmilla, Sailor Moon, Transformers (Dreamwave and Shattered Glass), Moonlight Garden for a selection.

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? I try to answer most of them! It's nice to get them and I want to show I saw them! And thank people for leaving a comment, you know?

What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Uh, hmm... Man, I don't know. This is a Torch-Song, perhaps? The Best of All Possible Worlds is also probably a good contender. Oh, and Murder at Thymbra, definitely. That might be the winner?

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Lol, again, hard to know. I like to end things on an upwards note, at the very least! Perhaps Flowers on the Hills of Heraklion?

Do you get hate on fics? Not really. The closest that might count - and I do think it counts - was someone who read one of my very obviously not negative Zeus/Ganymede ship fics, left an annoying comment and then tried to backpedal about how they must've commented on the wrong fic when I pushed back. (Maybe they really did. I don't really believe that, though.)

Do you write smut? Yes, lmao. If I remember right I've written basically... M-level for one of my old FFVII fics, but aside from that, I first wrote full on smut in TF fics... and since I don't like sticky/that doesn't interest me in TF smut, that mostly meant spark sex or plug-and-play. So really, it wasn't until I threw myself into Greek myth that I started to write human sex smut fic.

Do you write crossovers? Not really. I have an old crossover fic between From Eroica With Love and Hetalia, plus a Greek myth fic that crosses over with some other mythologies, but that's it.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Don't think I have, no.

Have you ever had a fic translated? I've at least had several requests (that I've all agreed to) about translation when it comes to Where Our Intrepid Hero Doesn't Get Away, but I don't know if anything ever came of those!

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Nope!

What's your all-time favourite ship? I don't think I can answer that, haha. I love all my favourite ships from the fandoms they're from! Can't exactly pit them against each other, they're not the same even if a lot of them share traits in what parts of my id they scratch! But uh, to say SOMETHING... Luke & Vader, since I've been twice in SW fandom and I kinda do hope I end up back there again; Zeus/Ganymede and Menelaos/Paris.

What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? ... I suppose that would be Imperial Internship. It's all plotted out, you understand, and I have once or twice opened the file to look over said outline with the vague thought of Maybe. But every time I've done so the idea to write out all that, even if it is all important/relevant just exhausts me.

What are your writing strengths? Uh... hm... Narrative description, maybe? Word-choice in prose? Idk. I feel I'm good at plotting out longfics now, too, to keep a good pacing and get where I want to go with a fic and the characters.

What are your writing weaknesses? No idea, really? I don't struggle especially with any part of writing in particular. But I guess I can get really wordy (which is the opposite problem to the one I had back in the day lol) which might not always be necessary or good or fitting for the fic in question.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic? Like, whole lines of dialogue? No, thank you. I mean, I guess I don't mind when I'm reading and the writer has a translation somewhere, but also, I don't see the point. I'd prefer some way to just indicate it's in a different language than actually writing the relevant bit of dialogue in it.

First fandom your wrote for? Should be Yu-Gi-Oh, I think. Or perhaps Star Wars, since I was RPing with my cousin before I ever ended up on the Internet.

Favourite fic you've ever written? What a question to ask! How am I supposed to choose between my children! I'm just gonna pick a few from different fandoms, I think:

Star Wars: Where Our Intrepid Hero Doesn't Get Away - Definitely cheating considering it's a collection of one-shots, but I don't care. :) Vader capturing Luke, my favourite trope!! Transformers: On the Edge of Extinction - third in my "finish the plot Dreamwave" fic series. I'm really fond of the last part (Cycles of Oppression), too, but when the last scene of a fic sticks with you to the point I go back and re-read that little bit again and again through the years, I think said fic then deserves the nomination lol Greek myth: Flowers on the Hills of Heraklion OR The Illusion of Meaning to This Cruelty. So far, anyway, I might change my mind later, there's more fics to come, after all!

tagging: @windona @scribeprotra @andromedaprime @gingermintpepper ... and whoever else who writes fic and want to do this?

[notasapleasure]

Opening sentence meme

Tagged by @colleybri thank you, lovely! :) I think I got tagged in this last year, and my number of fics/their variety hasn’t exactly changed much since then, but hey ho! A reminder to me - and some background for newer friends here - that I do sometimes write things that aren’t just the same Brassian smut again and again…

Nevertheless, the first 6 are all Brassian, all the time. Look, I know what I – and about three other people – like, and I’m just going to keep finding ways to bake that cake again and again until Tony Gilroy ruins my fun (lol good luck Tony, canon is whatever I feel like).

1. don’t need any help to be breakable

The trip to Morlana One had been uneventful.

Not strictly doing anything different from ‘Counting on You’, etc. (#3 below, see also #6), but specifically exploring the facet of Brassian that might exist in a world where the alibi was true, ish, only ‘helping Cassian back to his chair’ was a euphemism for punching him. Finishing this was a challenge to myself, and I did it, so I’ll carry on being smug about that I guess.

2. The world turning at his pace

It should have been a simple job.

One-shot van sex AU. No I don’t need to explain myself and I won’t.

3. Counting on You

The rain on Ferrix is heavy when it arrives.

Needed to keep scratching the itch of ‘Only ever just one night’ (below, #6), so this is the outlet I use mostly when I just need to write some Brassian filth. Theoretically working towards a ‘five times they X, one time they Y’ format. Eventually.

4. The Saga of the Coal-biter and the Skraeling

I was born the year Erik the outlaw discovered Greenland.

My beloved cuckoo-child that’s an excuse to process all those years of research while being self-indulgent about the blorbos. As if it wasn’t going to be niche enough, Brasso insisted he wanted to tell it in the first person.

5. Escape velocity

Cassian is working his way through the crowds at Cavo's.

Ok, this isn’t really the same Brassian fic as always, it’s the most wholesome thing I’ve written for the pair, which is tragically ironic given I’d just ‘met’ @r0b0tb0y and decided to inflict a birthday gift on them. I owe you tentacles, buddy.

6. Only ever just one night

There isn't really a knock at the make-shift door.

My first Andor fic! That I swore I wouldn’t write. Then swore would be a one-shot. Then spent ages imagining a sequel to that seemed like too much effort to write. So instead I wrote variations on it again and again.

7. Whumptober 2022: ‘You better start talking’

Francis Crawford was sitting outside Kings Cafe in the bright grey light of a crisp autumn day in Glasgow.

I did a whole set of Whumptober fics for my 1980’s rock band AU for The Lymond Chronicles (a series of historical novels set in the 16th century), and didn’t actually finish uploading them to ao3 (they're all over at @theartistknownaslymond), but this is the most recent one I uploaded. Game of Kings setting, Will Scott trying to get his confession.

8. Whumptober 2022: Blood-covered hands

When Francis came round, he was on his back in the middle of the floor.

Lymond band AU, prequel-era – got to account for those galley scars somehow!

9. Whumptober 2022: Forced to Kneel/’Hold them Down’

Francis' usual pre-gig routine was always disturbed when he was at a music festival.

Lymond band AU, Disorderly Knights – Francis having a bad day in a tent, no whipping posts needed!

10. Whumptober 2022: Toxic/Withdrawal

"Eurgh, Pippa I feel like shit..."

Lymond band AU where Joleta survives (an overdose rather than a stabbing in) Disorderly Knights.

Patterns

So I evidently love a short, sharp introduction. One of the only bits of writing advice I ever remember receiving was about writing a pithy first sentence so I guess that tracks - though this isn't done consciously at all.

I think I'm always trying to convey some relatively straightforward piece of setting detail and if possible smuggle in a question at the same time (why's the door makeshift, why was that guy an outlaw, how's there a story if things were uneventful). I want the reader to experience something sensory if possible - the sound of rain/crowds/a knock/a music festival, or the afternoon light in Glasgow, or the disorientation/unease of arriving in the middle of something - while also having a fairly clear picture of where we are temporally or geographically, or which characters are there and whose perspective we've got. You can't always get all that in a single sentence but I like my opener to fill as much as possible in using as few words as possible - or that's what I'd say if I was bullshitting an essay on it for a class in the morning :)

Tagging - though no pressure as I don't know how recently you might have done this or if you have time: @boatcats, @elwenyere , @faceofpoe , @r0b0tb0y , @stripedroseandsketchpads , @batri-jopa and anyone else who likes, feel free to say I tagged you!

[mollymarymarie]

hi! i just wanted to add to the love and pop in here to express my admiration as well. not only is DYH my ultimate all time favourite fic, not just for wolfstar but in general, but your depiction of them both has influenced my own view on both sirius and remus a lot. the music resonates with me so well too and it adds to the depth of my love and adoration of it, because it really transcends just being a fanfic. it affects my life on so many levels through the story, and the characters, and the music. it’s such a beautiful and well thought work of art, it’s brilliant on so many levels. i ended up getting sirius’s heart tattoo on my knuckle after reading it as my personal tribute to it, and made a holyhead shirt for myself too.

the road not taken as well is one of the fics i keep returning to over and over, it’s such a hopeful and well written story. the characterisations of everyone, and their heartache and pining and longing is so well done. they all have their motivations even though they’re not always the best reasoning but they feel like real people and i can feel them in my chest. and the idiots pining over each other? they’re so frustrating but in such a brilliant way. did i mention the pining? because that’s done just as well and as beautifully annoying in bird set free too, i was yelling at my phone and pacing when i read it. you capture everything in a way that really puts the reader right there in the middle of it. the miscommunications and the way they’re just so stubborn and they end up just delaying wanting the same thing because they’re being stupid about it? and they all have such a bittersweet feeling to the angstier bits, how they’re trying to keep things together and solve everything and the way they worry for each other and how much they care that shines through in them just being remus and sirius no matter the setting or situation or au.

i did NOT mean to ramble this much but i suppose i just want to thank you so much from my whole heart for writing these stories and sharing them with us. you are truly one of my favourite writers and while i’m sad that your journey with wolfstar is over, i also know that i will keep coming back to these fics time and time again (and they’re some of my first recs when people ask for fics) because they have such a big place in my heart. they’re truly some of the best pieces of literature i’ve read and i’m so eternally grateful to you as an author. thank you <3

Oh, friend 🥹🥹 I'm blown away by all this love. I can't really put into words how much asks and comments like this mean to me, but just know that I love you and you are the reason I continue to write, even when things suck ❤️

I know it's not Wolfstar (it's like off-brand Wolfstar) but the original fiction I've been working on has been almost finished for MONTHS. This might be the motivation for me to go back and keep working on it. Thank you. ❤️❤️

[kinetic-elaboration]

July 3: Writing Project Ramblings

I've been obsessing a lot about productivity and lists and organization and so on these last couple of days--just going through one of those phases where I'm like, hey, I haven't made or even really consulted a list in a little bit, I should do that, perhaps. I may have reached my limits on contemplating tasks rather than doing tasks today, so hopefully I can return to my existing lists and get out of my head soon.

But in honor of, or at least reflecting, this mood, here are some obsessive meta-thoughts about my current writing projects, as a treat.

I have set myself up a list of seven projects that I cycle through randomly and when I've worked on all seven I start again. It's working okay as a system I think. None of these are projects I want to work on exclusively until they're done, so taking out the choice of the thing is helpful. But it would probably work better if I cycled through them a little faster. I think that's the aspect that trips me, and it doesn't have anything to do with the randomization aspect or even the number seven.

Five of the projects are Daria-related and the other two are T100. Which, mm, there's barely a fandom either objectively or in my own head but I like and miss my old ideas as ideas and I feel like it brings some diversity to my list. Plus I'm a stubborn bitch.

T100 fics:

I truly picked the most random ones here, the ones that stuck out to me on a whim when I was making the list. No logic about readership (lol) or even personal favorites here!

AWWNH Pt. 3: the problem with this is that I'm not really "writing" it because I need to sort through the large amount of material already associated with it first. Which I started doing and then... dropped off. I don't even know what this is doing here in a way because writing it was always really hard. Why am I signing myself up to do more of that? And yet I suffer under the delusion it will be easier this time or more enjoyable in some way. Anyway, officially on the list, but writing work is happening only in THE most attenuated sense.

B/E AU: A fic for a pairing I have never really written for and don't really like but I have wanted to do this fic for ages regardless and I picked it for the list for a few reasons. First, headcanon dump that I would like out there for posterity. Second, the Vibes of it match what I want to write now and also can't be found anywhere else in my current work. Status: outlined and I have started writing the first scene. I think I like how it's developing so far and I like what writing it feels like. It is a oneshot with a specific outline but I suspect it will be, sigh, long.

Daria fic:

Grad School AU: I think about this one a lot less than I used to a little while back, which is in some ways perhaps better. I was asking it to hold too much. Not knowing how long this will be or exactly how it will develop--not having an outline for it--is less, mmm, freeing than when I started it last summer. But I have a scene brainstorm list that has given it some contour and shape and helps me feel better. But I still can't really gauge progress per se. I'm chipping away at it, trying my best. Trying not to be intimidated by it. It is, after all, my creation.

College AU: This one was stuck in the mud a long time. I think I've unstuck it, and am somewhere in chapter four. This one started out being my, like, low-key fun side hustle. I don't know that it still feels like that but nevertheless I'm trying to keep it light in tone and not overthink it and have fun. Even though I have several chapters written, because it's not properly outlines, and because I'm still not sure I'm committed to finishing, I don't want to post anything until I decide if I'm (probably) finishing or (definitely) abandoning.

D/J/T High school story: I don't even have a good working title for this. It's not my most impressive work, I don't know if I like it,I think the pacing's going to be really wonky, but it has an outline and a definite ending point so I must and will continue. I'm almost to the end of ch 3 of 7, at which I've been toiling a while. Ch 4 is already kicking my ass so I am worried about it. But once I get through it I think the last arc will be easier.

Alternate POV: I'm excited for this one! I'm almost to the end of ch1, I think and it's been fun to write so far. Maybe it's just because it's early days but I think it's my favorite of my current projects at least atm.

[Redacted]: This one is on the list but I don't know if it really counts as a 'current project' per se. It's more of an as the spirit moves me thing. But I'm keeping it as a placeholder at least.

Anyway. Someday I will post things again. Maybe even a whole bunch of things at once as I am sort of accidentally collecting a lot of drafted, unedited work. But we'll see! A part of me misses caring about it and another part is like, yes, finally free, finally seeing writing as a process for me, not a product for others.