#trying to make conversation with me and just ignore me and i'll become more and more isolated

[swordoffrivolousthings]

Rick Riordan has no scale for what it means to give characters positions of power or influence

I have seen a trend recently while thinking about the positions of power in PJO and HOO and who occupy them. A post that I can't find again also has breached this topic on a much smaller scale, so credit to them. (I'll try to find them and tag them.)

What I mean by positions of power and/or influence is this: positions from where a demigod has the ability to control organisations (i.e. the Hunters of Artemis and Camp Jupiter) or influence how and why things are done in a certain way (i.e. Annabeth's redesigning of Olympus and Jason's designing some of the other gods' cabins).

The first example is THALIA and how, upon becoming a hunter for Artemis, she is instantly catapulted to the top of the chain. Artemis bestows upon her the role of Lieutenant of Artemis. She is Artemis's second in command if the goddess herself isn't present.

But what does Thalia know of the inner workings of the Hunt? Next to nothing, because until a few days before, she hated them and what they stood for. She gets over her hate, which is part of her development, but it doesn't make her any less informed. One can't speculate that at some point she and Zoë have talked about the Hunt, because we have no hint of that happening in the books. One can headcanon that they'd had such a conversation, but we are speaking about canon. So she is blind. That would be fine, because she is a newbie, and has time to learn.

But no. Riordan gives her the most important place a hunter can occupy in the hierarchy. Why? The way I see it is Riordan decided that now that Thalia's completed her arc, she needs a physical reward. But going by book logic, I would also assume that Artemis was displaying some major nepotism. Because look, that is her sister, and she is in a meeting with daddy and she'd already crossed a line when interacting with her father. (I mean that she wants to reward the heroes while Zeus, most probably, just sees what they did as their duty and not something to be rewarded.) So Artemis boosts her sister up in the hierarchy so she wouldn't slight Zeus again.

Also, we've been ignoring the fact that there are far more experienced and reliable huntresses in the Hunt. Some of them have been with Artemis for many, many years bordering on millennia.

Next up is ANNABETH, about who I've already vented my frustrations, but let me say it again: Annabeth, while inspired by architecture and wanting to be an architect, is not trained and has no experience with it besides a few books and what I can assume is trying her hand at drawing potential projects. She isn't fit to redesign Olympus and certainly not able to think about all the facets of what it would entail, because she doesn't have the practical knowledge and the studies.

Yet Riordan writes it so that the gods offer her the opportunity to redesign their city state (is Olympus considered a city state??? Because it's what I've been thinking of it as). Why so? Because she has survived the war? (not like he was going to kill her, and I didn't think he would do it at any point in TLO.) And therefore she should get what she wanted besides all the PTSD and other disorders that most survivors get?

Because this is what I see.

We already know that the structure within Camp Jupiter is hinging on the child soldiers they train. The Senate is made out of centurions and ghosts and older citizens of New Rome, and we weren't shown that there had ever been adult Praetors. This is what Riordan intended, because this is what he wrote.

But it begs the question, why have REYNA and JASON specifically done to be awarded the position of Praetor that early in their lives? We are told that they went on at least a quest together, so they must have been pretty close before being made partners, and they seem to have worked well together.

We know that Reyna is a highly capable leader and managed to lead Camp Jupiter on her own for roughly 6 months. Jason was raised as a leader, so it is natural to assume that he knew how things worked. But that doesn't show why they were specifically chosen, especially after such a big conflict.

Just because Jason defeated a Titan single-handedly, it doesn't mean that there weren't any more capable hands for the duty to fall on. Also, has Reyna's POV ever revealed why she was chosen? Because I can't remember.

What I mean to say is that there were other, adult, people for the reasonability to fall back on. Because there had been said to be adults in the Senate. But Riordan, like before, has decided that the duty should fall on hormonal teenagers that have dumb ideas (not referring to Jason and Reyna, but more like stereotyping) instead of the adults. The excuse that demigods older than late teens and early twenties doesn't exist in New Rome. And don't tell me that not one of those people would take the duty, because there is shown to be influence and political power associated with being Praetor.

Alongside this, lets go to PERCY. Riordan decided that the Romans would raise Percy as Praetor because they'd seen him fight and the fact that he kind of saved their asses. Cool, I could understand this reasoning if the Romans had more time to get to know him. Because Percy's great! but he still is a child of Neptune, who they don't trust, and they don't trust him, because he was there for only a few hours a few days ago.

There is no basis on which to raise him straight from probation to praetorian-ship.

But Percy saved them! So Riordan decided, against all common sense, that he should get a position of power somewhere he knows next to nothing about, because of plot reasons and drama. Why couldn't Percy have just been seen as a great help and on that the Romans would build their trust upon him? To start to value his opinion?

But the plot of HOO moves so fast is was no room to take a breath and let things unfold naturally. So Riordan gives political and military powers to characters willy-nilly because it will help the story along.

Again to JASON, the cabin design things is the same as Annabeth's, so there is nothing to really say again. Other then the fact that they parallel each other in this way, and not in the good way when talking about writing.

Riordan has no scale of what it means when he gives his characters power and authority where they hadn't achieved it. He gives them upgrades in authority as a way to pay them for their good behaviour and character development, or simply because he hadn't thought all the way through what their positions would entail, and their ramifications.

I hope that I made a great job at explaining what I wanted. If you didn't understand what I said at some point, please do reach out. I can talk about this for a while.

[katya-goncharov]

I really hope my mental health taking a massive downward spiral every single evening before I have to go to work isn't going to last, but we shall see...

[ohbo-ohno]

cuckolding - simon ‘sells his sperms’ to reader and her bf who’s infertile. they can’t afford ivf so the traditional way it is but just the tip and jerking off into her pussy. that’s what was agreed anyway

simon ends up taking whatever he wants from her because how can we fuck if we aren’t properly aroused sweetheart? let’s do a few rounds to increase the chances eh? she’s so desperate for a baby that she complies. she’s secretly into it even. poor reader’s bf :( watching her make out with this stranger and take his cock in her mouth too

hello beloved. im ghoapifying this. pls forgive me

smth about johnny having kinks that he doesn't want to admit to/doesn't recognize... him subconsciously looking for a way to get those needs met...... it's delicious

thinking about you and johnny deciding you want a kid but after months and months of trying with no results, you're starting to lose a bit of hope. the both of you get your fertility checked, and johnny is pretty crushed to learn that he's shooting blanks. makes your relationship a little rocky for a while tbh bc he becomes kinda obsessed with proving his own virility to himself

when you two eventually decide (through a mix of dirty talk, pillow talk, and very emotional conversations) that you want to try ivf, you realize pretty much immediately after that you don't have the thousands upon thousands of dollars necessary just lying around. it's johnny who consoles you when you realize you won't be able to afford the treatment, and it's johnny who decides that he's going to fix the problem himself

(ghost is looking for odd jobs when he spots the listing on craigslist. smth so terribly worded that he almost thinks it's a joke, at first. there's not a single comma used properly, it seems like every other word is misspelled, but the earnestness is clear through the screen. the request was posted five minutes ago, and ghost is the eighth comment - a quick glance at the other accounts shows him that he's the youngest by at least a decade)

soap and ghost message, for a while. soap is pushy as hell, asks for pictures of ghost's face and gets a few of his cock instead. says he's not sure if ghost is the right pick, since he looks nothing like johnny, but keeps messaging him anyway. simon is pushy as hell, asks everyday when they're gonna meet up, gets pissy when johnny keeps pushing it off

(soap sends pictures of you sometimes. they start out innocent enough, pictures of your face from your instagram or your side profile when you won't catch him with his phone up. johnny finds it easy to ignore the guilt he feels when ghost says send me one of what i'll be fucking and johnny does, sends a picture of you fucked out and face down that you had no idea existed. you're limp, slick and come dripping from your hole, and johnny can't help the way he gets hard when ghost's only response is one without your useless spunk inside her. she won't have to put up with it much longer)

when you finally meet ghost, you're unaware of all of this, of course. johnny had just told you he wanted you to meet a friend of his from work, and you'd been excited to go out for a night on the town with him. you'd found simon off-putting, to be honest, but he'd already said he'd be picking up the tab, so you just indulge in a few more shots than you normally would and stay cuddled close to johnny most of the night.

johnny only tells you the real reason he introduced you two when ghost says 'm steppin out for a cigarette, i'll pull the car around for you two and lumbers off, lighter already out.

ye still want a bairn, right? johnny had said, eyes bright as he wrapped his arms around you, kept you pressed close to him. simon can give one to you, to us. he's not even gonna charge us, bonnie, how great is tha'? you'd gaped at him a little, and he'd interpreted your expression as fear. hush, naw, don't worry, lass, i'll be there the whole time. promise i won't let him hurt you, yeah? we can even hold hands, alright?

the time between you sitting in a booth with your legs thrown over your boyfriend's lap and your back flat on your bed is a blur in your mind

simon is heavy over you, both of your wrists held in one of his hands as he ruts against you. you're drunk enough that you can't focus on much but the heat between your thighs and the long kiss simon has kept you locked in. he strips you easily, forcing you high up on the bed so you can rest in the pillows, forcing your legs around his hips so he can pin you

it's only when he pulls back to undo his belt and strip himself that you finally remember johnny is in the room too.

he's bent over the edge of the bed, hardly two feet away, and you can hear the sound slick sound of him fisting his cock, can feel the way the bed shakes just a bit as he fucks his own hand. you sort of whine, reaching out for him, soothed when his free hand links with yours, his own eyes a little wet like they always are when he gets so hard that his thoughts melt away

"eyes here," ghost grunts, big hand covering one half of your face as he forces your gaze away from your boyfriend and back to him. "you don't need to look at him. he's not the one gettin you knocked up, is he?"

you and johnny moan in tandem for that, and your eyes are wide as saucers when you finally look down at the battering ram between ghost's thighs, the ruddy tip of him leaking as he strokes himself.

"you're too big," you manage to gasp, squirming back.

ghost makes a sound somewhere between a scoff and a laugh, lining himself up with your drippy hole and pushing in without warning. you nearly squeal at the stretch, digging your nails into his shoulders and pushing against his thighs with the heels of your feet. your squirming doesn't stop him, and he doesn't give you even a second to adjust as he uses his weight to sink himself to the hilt inside of you

he makes you look in the eye while he fucks you. and he talks a lot - he says more while he's inside you than he did your entire evening in the bar earlier

you feel good, huh? this the first time you ever had a real man fuck you? yeah, the brat humpin' the bed isn't enough for you. bet you always felt empty when he fucked you, but he didn't even need to stretch you out before rutting here. a hand rubbing your clit, making you nearly scream from the added pleasure as he fucks you so hard that the headboards slamming against the wall. bet my seed'll take first try he grunts into your ear, and you hear johnny moan from your left. might even give you more than one, huh? have you fat and round with my babies, make him watch you grow and take care of you, if he can even manage that.

when simon finally comes, he fills you up more than johnny ever had. makes you wait to come until he does first, too, tells you that he googled it while pinching and twisting your clit until you burst beneath him, your cunt squeezing his soft cock as your eyes roll back in your head

(johnny cuddles you, after. he tries to fuck you but ghost won't let him, holds him back by the hips and squeezes his balls until he goes soft, spits i don't want your spunk fucking with mine. you gonna waste my time like that? thought you wanted me to fuck your girl pregnant? were you lying, johnny, or you just so fuckin' desperate that you'll break our deal? and johnny whines and cries but listens, holding you close and pressing his cock against your folds but never inside of you)

((ghost doesn't leave the next morning. doesn't leave the next week, actually. he fucks you every day, even when you insist that you're not ovulating anymore, that he doesn't have to keep trying to get you pregnant. the first time he eventually lets johnny fuck you again, he holds him by the hips and stuffs a few fingers inside you along johnny's cock, says she got used to me, johnny, we'll have to give her a little extra if you want her to let you fuck her again and laughs when johnny whines.))

(((he doesn't even leave when you take your first pregnancy test and get positive results. he rubs your back as johnny scoops you up off the ground, rumbles his own quiet congratulations. a few days later you try to hint that he can leave now, that you and johnny don't need him anymore. he doesn't listen, but that's okay, because you can't quite imagine what you would do if he did leave, how you and johnny would function without his rock steadiness - you're relationship had been a rollercoaster before simon, insane highs and terrible lows, all smoothed out when ghost came into the picture and started playing referee for the two of you)))

((((when you're eight months pregnant, you lounge in a rocking chair as johnny rubs your feet and simon builds a crib.))))

[serawritesthings]

CRAVE THE ROSE

summary: you were Arthur’s own slice of heaven in a world where it felt like everything he did brought him a step further to hell. pairing: arthur morgan x fem! reader tags: content 18+ minors dni, unprotected piv sex word count: 6.1k

a/n: hello, lovelies! I'm finally done with my first fic; I hope it's worth a read. Please let me know what you think; I would much appreciate it!♡

Most nights at Horseshoe Overlook were quiet, ignoring Uncle's snoring and the girl’s quiet gossiping. Often, you joined them, finding their conversations amusing. You discovered that Mary-Beth, Tilly, and Karen had a wild imagination and a wilder sense of humor.

Unfortunately, they decided you would be the object of their gossip lately. More so, you and Arthur. Your relationship appeared to be very interesting to them, and they weren’t shy of making it known as they teased you for the man’s apparent infatuation with you.

Because of that, you remain behind a tree by the horses, mulling. You had no interest in speaking to the girls tonight, scared they would bother you. You didn't wish to be the center of gossip instead of the one chitchatting.

Sitting alone for the first time in a while allowed your thoughts to take over. You worried for him immensly, just like you always did when it came to Arthur. It wasn’t like your concern came from nothing, finding that trouble always followed him.

More times than not, he came home bloodied and bruised, and sometimes he didn’t come home at all. It made you feel useless to only stay in camp and think of every what-if that could happen to the unpredictable man, but you couldn't help it.

There was a lingering feeling of certainty when you met Arthur. You knew you were the same - you bruise a little easier than most, though in different places. The hurt manifested somewhere far inside of him, a place where his walls were so high you weren’t sure even he could put a crack in it. But something about him wormed itself into your heart and manifested the passage that led to your deepest thoughts and feelings.

"Whatcha doin' out here, honey?" A voice strapped with roughness spoke out behind you, surprising you. You glanced at Arthur towering over you, granting him an exasperated stare, although your heart sang at the sight of him in one piece.

"I'm hiding." He raised his eyebrow, looking entertained, settling his hands on his belt. 

"Now, what are you hidin' from?" A smirk appeared on his lips while he shook his head.

"The girls." A melancholy expression appeared on your face.

"Your hiding from… the girls?"

"Well, yes. It seems gossiping about us has become their favorite amusement." To speak about it made you scrunch your nose. You knew it was childish, but you were too irritated to care.

"I guess women never change, eh?" He studied you with a knowing smile while crouching down, touching your knee tenderly. You only scoffed at him.

"You gonna stay cooped up here like an angry little ball of fire all night?" He offered you his hand, snickering.

"Yes." Peering forward with sharp eyes, you avoided his hand.

Arthur chuckled as he gently placed his hand under your chin, gazing into your eyes. Your pout made him frown, and swiftly he tossed you over his shoulder and began walking.  

"I ain't lettin’ you linger out here all night. " You gasped, eyes facing the ground, feeling his shoulder jab into your stomach with every step.

"Now, just what do you think you're doing?!" A screech escaped you while Arthur only laughed, giving your rear a playful slap. 

"They'll see us!"

"They're drunk and asleep; calm your horse's missy."

Your eyes grew small at his comment, and you tried thinking of a way to make him release you. Lifting your hands, you grabbed the back of his pants, trying to push them down his hips. He chuckled at you and kept walking.

"Now, what do you think you're doin´?" He readjusted your squirming frame against his broad shoulder.

"It's okay, though; I like you a little feisty." 

"Oh, I'll show you feisty." You continued trying to push his pants down further.

You kept bickering on the path to Arthur's tent. He was correct; there wasn’t a single person awake. You could see the smug smirk on his face when he realized he was right, but he focused on keeping his pants up, which proved futile. What a sight you two were. 

He chuckled as he placed you on his bed, standing tall over your small frame. Amid your anger, now forgotten after your lighthearted bickering, you had failed to remember how much you missed him. Arthur had been away for a long time, leaving you to worry about him constantly. It made you feel useless, never knowing where or what he was doing. But he was here now, which instantly lifted your spirits.

Raising the corners of your mouth into a soft smile, you looked up at him through your lashes, grabbing his gun belt and bringing him closer to you till you felt the chilly surface of his buckle against your cheek. Putting your arms around his waist, you rested your cheek against his middle and sighed.

"Are ya done trying to pull my pants down now?" Arthur only raised his eyebrow, wondering where the feisty girl went.

"Mm." The fabric of his jeans silenced your voice as you relished in what was solely Arthur.

"I missed you so much." Your tone suddenly wavered, and you wrapped your arms tighter around him. It felt like he would disappear from you.

Feeling his coarse hand land softly on your head, he ran his fingers through your hair that was soft under his palms. Arthur wasn't good at feelings and often found himself tongue-tied when you spoke to him like this. His heart churned at your sudden display of emotions.

He missed you more than you could possibly know and spent most of the chilly nights in the wilderness, missing your soft voice and warm hands he had grown accustomed to. Before you, it didn’t matter where he was since his home was where he put his bedroll.

Now, though, his home was in your warm embrace. The ghost of your eyes tormented his every move, prodding him to return to you so the glimpses he thought he caught of you would become a reality. 

How well you knew your Arthur. He was always quick with words but never with you. When you started paying attention to one another, dragging the words out of him required much effort. Stubborn as a mule, he was.

"Ah, I missed ya too, honey." His voice grew rough as he looked down at you. A warm feeling coursed through you at his words, pressing your cheek further against the cloth of his jeans, face illuminated by the lamp on the worn bedside table. The light bounced off the closed tent, creating a warm atmosphere.

Keeping close to Arthur, you looked up at him and staring back at you was a man with warm, soft-blue eyes and tousled honey-blond hair escaping his hat, looking slightly longer since you last saw him. Your chest tightened at the look he gave you, making you feel like the most precious thing he had ever seen. 

Now, standing between one of your legs, you felt small beneath his tall frame. He felt many things watching you beneath him, face resting on the side of his hips, face too close to his guns for his liking, but he didn't move away. He felt all his limbs grow heavier when he observed you, finding only you to have this effect on him. 

Your palms grazed the guns at his sides, being careful when lifting them from the holsters. They were heavier than you expected, not familiar with holding the weighty metal of a gun. The coarse leather of his gloves grasped your hands and lifted them with you, putting them on the bedside table.

A shrill ran through you, watching him grab them. He looked intimating, handling them like second nature compared to your unsure hands. It reminded you of the kind of man he was, or rather the man he had to be.

He could tell you felt wary; a familiar feeling of protectiveness he always directed towards you surging through him. You smiled slightly and stared at him through your lashes, palm stroking his thigh gently. He could feel himself melt at your behavior, realizing you were teasing him; testing the waters.

Most times, being intimate together went about the same way as you were inexperienced, and Arthur not wanting to make you uncomfortable. But he could feel the air had changed, making him stiff with intrigue and curiosity.

The tension in the tent was searing as you unbuckled his belt, letting it fall to the floor with a heavy thud. You were used to him taking control, but you felt unusually bold in his presence this night. Suddenly, Arthur suddenly lifted you to stand on the bed, making you tower over him as a breathless laugh left you.

Putting both of your hands on his stubby cheeks, he wrapped his arms around your middle, breathing in your sweet scent as he pulled you closer. Your stomach churned at having him this close, feeling his warm breath fan over you, making your nipples stiffen against the closeness of his mouth.

Slowly, he enclosed his mouth around your nipple, covered by the fabric of your blouse–being this close it proved hard for him not to. You closed your eyes at the sudden feeling, thumbs gently stroking the scruff of his beard as he grazed his tongue over your clothed bosom wantonly.

You lifted your trembling leg to rest at his side, his arm immediately coming to rest on your backside, bringing you closer to him. He caressed you tenderly as you felt him press his tongue over your thin blouse, making you moan slightly under your breath. 

Opening your eyes, you looked down at him, the sight more erotic than anything you have ever seen. He held your gaze through hazy eyes, his reddening lips glistening slightly with saliva, resting on the now wet patch on your shirt. You lifted your hands, grabbed ahold of the hat almost falling off his head, and dropped it to the ground.

Running your fingers through his tousled hair, you brushed the wild pieces behind his ear, unkempt by his hat. He rumbled appreciatively at your action and you felt the rough leather from his gloves sneaking under your shirt that was folded into your skirt, finally touching your skin.

You were always so soft, and most of the time, he felt undeserving to touch something so perfect with his rough, unlawful hands, roughened by the hardship his life had brought onto him. Never should anyone who has done such malicious things put their hands on you–yet here he was, soiling you.

Your soft skin felt heavenly under his rugged palm as if delicate hands sculpted it with adoration so stout there couldn’t be a more beautiful creation than the one standing before him. He felt shameful but didn't have the strength to pull away; he never did. It felt too good to touch you, almost bordering on torture, the way he kept crawling after you like a starved man never getting enough.

Arthur tightened his grip on you, paying attention to your other side with his mouth, moving slowly as your breath hitch. You let your head fall over him, resting your cheek on the top of his head that you now cradled, enjoying the moment while wishing you could be in his arms forever.

Running your hands over his broad shoulders, you suddenly felt something wet touch your fingers. You perked up, looking at your hands. Covering your fingertips was a dark red substance. It was sticky like it had been there for a while.

"Arthur." You murmured, a light worry detectable in your voice. He didn't answer you, instead grabbing your thighs and hoisting you up his waist, burying his head in your chest. You wanted to giggle at him and probably would have if concern didn't seep into your mind.

"Arthur" Your voice was low, this time sounding more collected. 

"It ain't my blood, darlin’," he mumbled, voice muffled by the fabric. You felt yourself relax, content no one had hurt him, but it left you wondering whose blood it was. "Don't you worry your pretty little head bout that," he said, like he could read your mind. 

Arthur sat on the bed and it creaked under his weight, keeping you on his lap with your legs at either side of his thick thighs. He pushed your hesitant hips snugly against his, letting out a hum of appreciation, finally feeling your weight where he wanted you most.

Lifting his head from your chest, he gave you a look-over, and what a sight you were. Blush covered your cheeks as you looked at him with blissful but still worrisome eyes, a slight pink shade running down your neck into the cleavage of your blouse.

You brought your face close to his, feeling the roughness of his beard scrape against your cheeks as you leaned in, the worrying thoughts long gone as you felt his large hands slither into your skirt, kneading the soft flesh harshly under his palm.

You squeaked quietly, surprised by the sudden contact, your lips pausing, barely touching as you breathed in each other's air as your head spun in anticipation. The feeling of Arthur's warm hands so close to your exposed core made heat form in your lower belly and in your moment of bliss, you suddenly felt his lips on yours.

"Arthur." You whimpered against his mouth. Hearing his name from your mouth so pleadingly made the ache in his chest cramp at his heart, feeling the familiar warmth of pleasure spread. Amid his tongue massaging yours so sweetly contrasting the harshness of his hands, you lowered your hips softly.

The roughness of his jeans touching your center made a shockwave of rippling pleasure spread through you, making you choke out a mix between a moan and a cry. You lifted your chest slightly, leaning your head backward, making your hair fall in waves behind you.

Hugging Arthurs's head to your bosom, you felt his mouth on your breast once again. The feeling was too much, making your whole body tense as you tried to bring him closer. He hastily grabbed your blouse, dragging it out from the top of your skirt, and seeing he couldn't lift it over your head without unbuttoning it, he held the fabric in the middle, ripping the buttons quickly and exposing you to him. You wanted to complain, but feeling his mouth wrap around your now-bare nipple made you lose your train of thought.  

They grew hard under the assault of his tongue; Arthur was sure he would’ve bitten them if he didn’t control himself. You were breathing frantically over him as his mouth moved against you, and he could hear how fast your heartbeat was.

He nuzzled the soft flesh, teeth grazing on the round bottoms of your breasts until he sucked on the peaks. You unknowingly motion your round hips in his lap, clearly getting worked up from his touch. His hand engulfed your hips, helping you rock back and forth on his lap.

The added pressure his hands brought made the rough material against your undergarments feel delicious as he moved his hips with yours, pushing you down every time you met his pelvis. The action was desperate, a silent plea for the bittersweet pleasure you sought within each other. His hands ran up your back, caressing the soft skin that shivered. Despite the chilly night, you were warm under his hands, calling for him to put his hands on you. You were beckoning him closer.

The moment was tender but filled with desperation that always seemed to linger around you. You ran your hands over Arthur's back, feeling the rough fabric of his worn-out shirt you knew so well. His broad shoulders bulged under your soft caresses as you could see his muscles tighten at your touch, his movements growing bolder as he once again placed his hands under your skirt, letting the fabric rest above your hips, exposing you to him. You felt him knead the warm flesh under his palms as he pushed you against him harder than before, pushing his crotch into yours, feeling the delicious warmth of your core against his bulge that strained against his pants. You could feel him under you, your face growing hot as his prominent member sat hard against you, pushing against its confinements. 

"Oh," You could not help letting out a quiet moan as heat traveled through your body when you felt him. He stopped and looked up at you, leaving a string of spit between your breasts and his swollen lips. The look in his eyes made your breath hitch, his eyes hazy with a glint of warmth in them. 

"Something wrong, honey?" His voice was low, almost sultry, and his hands softened against your bottom, no longer continuing his harsh treatment. The blush warmed your cheeks, realizing how exposed you were next to the fully dressed man. Having been lost in the moment, you hadn't noticed. But you did now. Arthur did, too, and praised the almighty; he didn't care if Colm O’Driscoll himself came and shot him right at this moment because he could die happy. 

"No, I…" You tried to explain, but he seemed more focused on removing the ruined blouse from your arms, unable to help himself as he placed a few more kisses on the underside of your breasts. “I… uh…” The words were stuck in your throat, turning your brain into mush. 

He took your hand, placing it on the lower side of his stomach, showing where he wanted your touch. You were timid, careful, and softly caressed the part over his waistline. You could tell he was growing impatient. His hands returned to your backside as he placed more kisses on your neck, slowly inching closer to your warmth while lifting you slightly, leaving room for your hand to travel further down. Cold fingers ran along the sides of your throbbing heat, teasing you and making you stiff with anticipation. Reaching your mouth, he placed his chapped lips on your soft ones, humming as he claimed you in the kiss. Thinking he would finally touch you, he suddenly lowered his hands and caressed your inner thigh, running his hands up and down. He then grabbed your hand, fitting it against his rigid member.

A relieved sigh left his body as he felt your small hand finally touch him. The relief only lasted so long before he felt the immense pleasure striking through his body at your soft caresses, hands leisurely moving up and down. They were unsure as they caressed him, but oh, they felt so good. Arthur felt his body go limp, almost like his muscles turned into heavy stones, as he rested his head in the crook of your neck.

You let out a breathless giggle as you grew more confident when you saw his desperation for your touch. Hugging his head to your chest with one hand embedded in his hair, the other continued to move against him. Slowly, you took one finger and stroked the tip that strained against his pants. A heavy groan left his throat when you touched the sensitive spot, although the feeling felt muted from the layers of clothes.

You looked down beside his head to unfasten the suspenders holding up his jeans. You let them hang over his shoulders as your hands unzipped his jeans, unbuttoning a few buttons on his union suit so you could wriggle your hand inside.

First, your fingers touched a patch of hair under his belly button that led down to his member, the muscles tensing in his stomach. You followed it down, feeling Arthur’s warm breath against your shoulder. 

"Christ alive!" The words wormed their way from his throat, sounding strained. You had winded your nimble fingers into his pants, fingertips feeling over the ridge beneath his cock. The touch alone sent a white flash of pleasure through his whole body. Smiling sheepishly, you rubbed your thumb up against the frenulum of his member, coaxing harsh noises from the man.

His head lay limp on your shoulders as his now sweaty hair tickled your skin, your actions turning his brain into mush. Your hand leisurely pumps his cock, going as slow as he can take it as you feel something warm start sliding down the back of your hand.

Curiously, you tried to look between your tightly knit bodies, leaning slightly away from Arthur for a moment. Although you didn't get the chance to look before his arms wound around your waist, bringing you closer to his broad form yet again. He lifted his head like he had woken from a deep slumber, lids heavy as he spoke.

"What kind of spell do you have me under, woman?" He rolled his hips up to meet your hand as it descended at the base of his cock. You readjust on his lap, scooting back slightly to gain more leverage for moving your arm. Arthur's eyes shut tight; his brows furrowed as you brought your other hand to his cheek, caressing it lovingly with your thumb as you gazed at him with warm eyes.

Being this close made you see him more clearly: the slight sunburns on the tall places on his face from being out in the sun all day, the lines on his forehead permanent from his constant frowning, and the thin layer of dirt covering his skin from the endless hard work he put up with. Too focused on what you were doing, he didn’t notice your stare, but his eyes found yours already looking at him when your hand slowed down. 

At that moment, his lust drowned in his love for you.

Sometimes, he found you looking at him like that, and it was safe to say it baffled him. The tenderness in your eyes made him tense, unsure. He wasn't used to your affection, but your every move was an act of pure fondness for him. Although it puzzled him, he craved your attention at him at all times and boasted at having such a woman at his hands. A woman no doubt many men surely dreamed of for the rest of their lives if they ever got the chance to lay their eyes on you. 

He felt your hand release the grip on his member, letting its now red, swollen tip rest against his stomach. Nimbly, you unbuttoned the other buttons on his union suit, your other hand sneaking under the fabric to touch the revealed skin, caressing his chest slowly as you reached the last button.

Running your hands from his chest to his shoulders, you let the fabric fall on his arms as you stroked over the broad muscles of his thick arms, appreciating their size. He noted that your wandering hands had grown bolder and relished in your touch. You leaned into him, his arms tightening around you to help you closer as you scooted up in his lap so you could reach his neck with your lips.

You heard Arthur grunt as your exposed cunt made contact with his cock when you raised your hips slightly, dragging your wet folds to his tip, letting it rest there as your warm lips put nimble kisses on the sweaty skin under his jawline. His shaft twitched when the muscles in his stomach clenched, the tip dripping precum on his skin as he felt his sack tighten.

"Do you want to kill me?" Breathlessly he spoke to you. Smiling through your kisses, you relished the power you seemed to have over him. "Maybe." You giggled against his skin, continuing to place timid kisses along his neck and pretending to bite him with your teeth. He scoffed at your playfulness, grabbing your bottom and grinding you over his swollen head.

A startled moan left your wet lips, surprised by the sudden contact. The pleasure that shot through your body was sweet but laced with a sharpness that made you quiver in his grasp. It felt delicious; the anticipation of the movement filled every inch of you with deep shivers that racked through your already shaking body.

Your mouth was left gaping against his shoulder, your lingering kisses paused by Arthur pushing you against him in small motions so he could feel the delicious friction your swollen lips created against his rigid member. 

"You want me to touch you, darlin'?" His gruff voice spoke. You mewled against him, all traces of the dominance you thought you had for a second go, and he didn't even have to try. It made you realize he only let you because he wanted to.

Calmly, his fingers eased toward your wetness that now almost seemed to drip down your thigh in complaint at being untouched for so long. Two of his fingers parted to stroke either side of your lips, almost throbbing as you clenched around nothing. The strokes continued, never touching you where you wanted him to. You were going crazy. How could he tease you so?

"Arthur." Your voice was quiet and begging, an undertone of wholehearted want seeping through. He hummed against you, lifting your head to place his lips on yours as his fingers finally disappeared beneath your wet folds, gliding toward your clit and resting there. He began drawing small circles that blur your vision as your eyes rolled back, letting out ungodly sounds muted against his lips. His lips continued to move against you, but when he noticed yours weren't, a low chuckle escaped him. Seeing you sitting on top of him with your blouse discarded and skirt lifted to reveal the tempting flesh to his eyes, as your face showing nothing but pure pleasure, drove him mad. The pads of his fingers are rough against your delicate parts, only adding to the bliss surging through your body. As he stroked you gently, your back arched as your hands frantically grabbed his arms. You feel your hands shake, your grip tight on his biceps as his two fingers sink into your hole. You gasped at being filled, clenching your walls tight around his fingers. The stretch burned, his fingers thicker than yours.

Sweet moans reach Arthur’s ears as he moves against your spongy walls, the squelching sound of him entering you filling the quietness of the night. Knuckle deep in you, he bends them expertly, causing your breath to hitch, making you spread your thighs wider for him as you grind down on his hand. His motions were rapid as he dove deep into your heat. Your thighs contracted as you felt your whole body tense, his arms moving underneath your touch.

“Oh, Arthur, please.” You spotted his warm eyes staring into yours when you turned your gaze up at him. Your eyes were pleading with him to take you, tears brimming at the intense feelings he filled you with. He knew what you wanted but had to ensure you were ready, knowing you would hurt otherwise. 

“I know, honey, just a little more.” Arthur caressed your hair softly as his jaw clenched, sweat dripping down his forehead as his eyes were stuck on you. He felt hopeless when you looked at him like this. You could get him to do whatever you wanted when looking at him like that; hell, Arthur would even kill for you if you asked. He was wet with your slick, his fingers jamming inside you as you lifted your legs, trying to escape his assault. The sudden change of pace made the pleasure unbearable. Not a single sound left your mouth as your eyebrows furrowed and your mouth hung open. He grabbed your hips, bringing you down against his fingers so you couldn’t escape.

Arthur hoisted you up, fingers leaving your dripping heat as he placed you over his throbbing head. Feeling your wetness wrap around him made his vision blur, ears ringing from the blood that rushed from his head. You leaned back, placing your hands on his knees as his hands found your hips. You sank slowly, watching his member disappear between your folds. The unison makes your heart swell, the thought of your body becoming one running through you like warm whisky, setting your blood afire. 

Arthur’s breathing was heavy, his hands shaking slightly from the intenseness of the moment. Every movement was a silent plea for the moment never to end, wanting to stay connected for all eternity in each other’s embrace. The world disappeared around you,  becoming a blur. The only thing you saw was each other as you moved over him, feeling him lift you to the top to lower you so you could hug him warmly. Your walls clamped down on him, his mushroom head prodding deep inside your spongy walls, eliciting whines from your open mouth. Arthur was used to being quiet, but you were struggling, terrified someone would hear. You wouldn’t be able to stand the humiliation if you were.

“Come here, darlin’.” He placed his brawny arms under your thighs, his member leaving you as he stood up and laid your back gently on the bed, his hand under your head. Always so careful. Your arms reached for him, seeking his solace and safe embrace as he returned to you, putting his weight on you as close as he could without hurting you. He entered you again as his head rested in the crevice of your neck, panting. He stuffed you full, fuller than you’ve ever been. Your cunt stretched obscenely around him, lips sealing around his cock with a snug, velvet grasp. He set the pace this time. His muscular frame was going slow, but his strokes were hard; your body was being pushed up the bed from the harshness of his thrusts. He brought you deeper into the mattress whenever you felt him dive back inside. Your legs found their way around his waist, bringing him closer to you. Arthur loves how you cling to him, helping you by holding you close as he prods you deeper. He takes your hand, bringing it to your chest and placing it between your breasts as he murmurs something in your skin. You’re too blissed out to hear what as his voice melts like honey at the base of your neck. 

“Oh god!” You cry out between his thrusts, moonlight seeping through the folds of the tent and splashing his skin. His palms tremble against you from the effort. He cooed at your noises, shushing you by capturing your lips with his. You had messed up his hair in your blissful frenzy, and his eyes were glossy with lust. His hands ran down the side of your body that arched underneath him, grabbing your thigh and pushing the plush skin up to rest beside you so he could bury the whole cock inside you. You almost felt him in your guts as he prodded against your flesh, leaving you to mumble nonsense into his mouth between the gasps that escaped you from the force of his thrusts. The slide of his length against the silky, slick clench of your cunt is nothing less than ambrosial.

Arthur breathes heavily between clenched teeth as you tighten around him. He slowed his pace to draw himself almost entirely out of you before filling you again with a languid thrust. The coil inside him was tightening, threatening to snap. He was holding you so close now, shielding you from the world as you lay underneath him, eyes glazed with a faraway look. Each caress from his hand said the words his sex-addled mind couldn’t make his mouth form.

I love you

He wrapped his arm under your waist, supporting your arching body, pistoning you now with brutal efficiency. Still, affection lingered in everything he did. He never gripped you too hard as his rough hands remained gentle. For you. Only for you. His hands slipped down the planes of your stomach to apply gentle pressure to the hooded bundle of nerves, sending a shock through you like a burst of electricity. Whatever words you tried to speak came out as little more than a garbled cry as he teased furious circles over your still swollen clit, arms tight against his neck.

“Please.” Lust-filled sounds left you as you begged. You didn’t know what for, his assault leaving your thoughts in shambles. He doubted there was a more beautiful sight than the woman he loved unraveling under the force of his thrusts. Your walls clenched around him, contracting as you sucked him more profoundly into your cunt. 

“I love you!” You cried into his ear; Arthur’s eyes shut tight as his hips spluttered, pumping deeper inside you, noises he let out erupting from his lips in a sound that could only be likened to a primal whine. With a final uneven snap of his hips, the coil inside him snapped, and his release spilled inside you. His forehead rested between your shoulder blades as he trembled, your hands resting in his hair lovingly amidst the tremors running through your body. Arthur’s hips snapped up into you one last time, pushing up into you as far as possible to continue feeling the warmth and tightness of your cunt. His cum spurted out, coating your walls and escaping your entrance that he was stuffing with his cock. He gripped your thighs, moving his hips languidly, basking in the sharp pleasure running through him as his vision faded.

You could feel him relaxing in your grasp, heavy breathing leaving him as he gently kissed your trembling skin. You hummed over him at his touch, a pleasureful little sound that, despite being wholly spent, had him wondering if he could muster up the energy to retake you as his head lifted to claim your lips, tongue flickering lazily out to tangle with your own. Arthur grabbed your thighs that were wound tightly around his waist as he scooted down the bed, pressing them to flush against the mattress. He spread you wide, your body covered in sweat and cum, exposed before his eyes as he wasted no time putting his mouth on your puffy cunt. His tongue was warm as he entangled it in your wetness. Your hands tried to grip your hair, sheets, and headboard to find stability until they rested in Arthur’s hair. He could feel you pull on his roots, the feeling making him groan against you. The sound created vibrations against your sensitive clit. It felt like his mouth was eating you whole as he nuzzled as close as he could, sucking ferociously on your tender flesh. His tongue entered you, making you dizzy as blood buzzed in your ears. You looked down at him, breath hitching as you found his hazy eyes already on yours. It felt sinful to keep eye contact with him as he performed such a sensual act on you, but his admiring eyes left you searing with pleasure. You couldn’t look away, not yet. You felt him wind his arms under your thighs as he gripped your inner thighs, sitting up so he was resting on his heels. 

“Arthur!” You exclaimed at the sudden motion. Your head rested on the bed as Arthur lifted you off it, his arms wrapped around your stomach, hugging you tightly against him as he buried his head further into your cunt. The air left you from his actions, your legs hitting his back to escape the frenetic torture he put you through. Wet noises filled the tent, Arthur’s dark eyes gazing down at you. You looked sinful, he thought. Usually so innocent, but at this moment, with your hair spread out on the messy sheets, a pink flush covering your cheeks, and dazed eyes staring up at him, you looked like he had corrupted you and filled every inch of you with pure ecstasy. He lifted his mouth from you, the lower part of his face glistening wet as his fingers found your clit. They stroked you gently as he hummed at your quiet mewls.

“Gettin’ close, honey?” Arthur cooed as you stared up at him with glistening eyes, brows furrowed in pleasure. Your expression told him enough, so he lowered his head again and extended his tongue inside you, massaging your walls. It felt good, so good that high-pitched whines started leaving you. His one hand found your mouth, muffling the sounds. Your hips began twitching, moving against his mouth as you struggled between putting distance from his lips and pulling him closer. His fingers were relentless, rubbing you faster to where you heard ringing in your ears from the searing pleasure you felt coursing through you. The fire pooling low in your abdomen started spreading, leaving a burning trail as it flowed through your every vein. Your head rolled back against the sheets, mouth open wide, but no noise left you as hot tears fell from your eyes. The world slowed down, your orgasm shattering your body. Rippling through you, it made you tense up, your walls pulsing around Arthur’s tongue as he slowly massaged your insides, intensifying your orgasm. Your hips started jerking against him, his arm holding you still as he hummed against you while observing you underneath him. 

The world before you was blurred when your eyes slowly opened, the ringing now faint as you felt Arthur kiss the inside of your thigh, his hand rubbing your stomach soothingly. He lowered you onto the bed as your eyes gained focus. He could feel you gaze at him as he lifted you to lay your head on the pillow, caressing your cheeks. It was quiet; the only thing cutting through the air was your frantic breathing, both of you trying to catch your breath. Your eyes locked, a silent understanding between you as your trembling hand brushed his sweaty strands behind his ears. 

“I love you,” He mumbled against your skin, eyes peering up at you. There was a look in his eyes you hadn’t seen before, and it took a few seconds for you to recognize it. Remorse. “But I don’t deserve you.” He sounded defeated, eyes staring absentmindedly like he was off somewhere else. It was a rarity for him to be this honest with you, but his words rang true. He didn’t deserve you; he knew it, you knew it, and everyone around you knew it. But he had you, body and soul. He had every part of you, even the parts you wanted to shield from both him and the world. His arms wrapped around you, covering you in his safe embrace, and your heart ached inside you when gazing at the man in front of you.

Before you could speak, he placed his lips against yours. There wasn’t much to be said anymore, your hearts speaking the words your lips couldn’t utter.

[apomaro-mellow]

Hospitals still weren't Eddie most favorite place to be, even though they had technically saved his life once. He didn't give doctors the credit though. No, he reserved that praise for his husband who had literally carried him through hell, holding his guts together.

But alas, he was still only human. And thus prone to human ailments. Which was why he was currently in a hospital bed, preparing for a tonsillectomy.

"Steve, my love, my muse", Eddie took his hand and kissed it. "Should I not return from this-"

"Oh shut up. It's a routine operation." Steve could tell he was being dramatic to cover up the fact that he was actually scared. "You'll be fine. In fact, I'm going down to the cafeteria right now. You're not getting just any ice cream. I'm gonna bring you back a whole sundae."

Steve looked to the rest of the band, who had come for moral support. "Watch him please. And don't let him fall to hysterics." He left out, really hoping he wouldn't come back to an Eddie in tears.

"Sooo", Grant started. "If you don't make it, who gets your house?"

Eddie's brow furrowed. "Uh, my husband, duh?"

"Okay, who gets your husband?", Gareth asked.

Eddie saw the cavalry arrive in the form of Steve's true soulmate. "Robiiiiin", he whined. "You have to protect Steve from these vultures", he hissed the last word.

"We're just trying to hash out who has dibs on Eddie's hot husband", Jeff said.

Robin pointed to herself. "I made it clear to Eddie when he proposed that should the marriage end, either naturally or by divorce, custody of Steve would revert back to me."

"Not exactly the answer I was looking for Bucks, but as long as you keep Steve out of another man's clutches, I won't haunt you from the grave."

"Actually, I plan on setting him up with the first wealthy guy he meets", Robin said. "Thanks to your fame, I've become accustomed to a certain lifestyle. And also, Steve doesn't know how to be single."

The other CC boys nodded sagely.

"All the more reason one of us should get him. We can take care of him", Grant said.

"I can't believe this. This is a goddamn coup!", Eddie shouted.

Steve returned, none the wiser to their conversation. "You won't believe this. The cafeteria has chocolate syrup AND nuts? Isn't that wild? You're gonna have the best sundae of your life, babe."

He took his seat right next to Eddie's bedside and kissed his forehead.

"Angel, we're surrounded by snakes and thieves", Eddie said deliriously.

"What are you talking about?", Steve asked.

Having only Eddie in his line of sight, he couldn't see the others behind him. So he didn't see Jeff making kissy faces, Gareth making a circle with his hand and sticking a finger through it repeatedly, or Grant making a V with his fingers and flapping his tongue between them.

"Those traitorous lechers covet what is mine. And not even Robin seeks to protect your virtue!", Eddie said, desperately reaching out for Steve.

Steve kept his voice even and calm, trying to soothe his husband from whatever delusion he was having when the doctor came in. This guy looked like he played a doctor on tv. Chiseled jaw with perfectly manicured facial hair.

"Good evening", he greeted.

"Hi", Steve said, voice a little breathy.

"Oh he's perfect", Robin said, reading her friend perfectly.

"I'm Dr. Morip, I'll be performing your operation today."

"Morip?", Eddie tilted his head.

"Yes, as in 'more ripped than you'." Then he flexed and busted out of his scrubs and swept Steve off his feet, ignoring the cries of the invalid on the bed.

Eddie was tossing and turning even as Steve shook his shoulders to wake him up.

"You were having a nightmare", Steve spoke softly in the dim lamp light of the hospital room. "Was it 86 again?"

"Steve!", Eddie clung to him as best as he could. "You didn't leave me for Dr. Morip!"

"Dr. Morip? Eddie, her name is Dr. Hudson. And she's married and in her sixties."

Everything caught up with Eddie as his brain became more lucid. He'd already had the operation. That had all been a dream. The tension released instantly as he realized he wasn't about to die on the table and Steve would be scooped up by opportunistic friends.

"You're mine, you know that?"

"Really? Is that why I'm hand-feeding you ice cream?", Steve teased, holding up a spoonful to Eddie's lips.

"I love you", Eddie said, voice muffled from the food and a little watery too.

"I know, you dope. Love you too."

[mrsdesade]

Hey!! i love your writing, feel free to ignore, but i just wanted to request homelander x reader where he introduces the reader to ryan or how the three of them spend time together, something like that

thank you!!

OF COURSE, I love the idea! Maybe I'll do a part.2 with all the headcanons about how they spent time together! Thanks for the request dear anon! :)

Pretty golden cage;

Pairing: Homelander x fem!super (Ophera as usual) TW: no one, just bit of tension/angst and Homie being an asshole Timeline: season 4 Words count: 3,6k

You always knew who Ryan was. Homelander's beloved son. Rumors about him were whispered by everyone at Vought Tower, and you had been paying attention over the years. You knew about his powers, about the unfortunate way he came into the world, and how attached Homelander was to him.

You already had your problems, you didn't mean to get close to that too. You never judged Ryan for his choices or his actions, quite the opposite. You felt quite sorry for him.

Trapped in a golden cage, with the suffocating attentions of his father, who continued to demand only perfection from and for him. It happened to you too, at the beginning of your relationship with Homelander. In which you are still trapped with no way out.

You had wondered why he still hadn't insisted on you being Ryan's mother. But that was okay, you didn't want it. Until the day arrived, the day of your official introduction to each others.

"Ryan, theres someone I want you to meet. This is Ophera.''

Ryan glances at you with a mixture of curiosity and uncertainty, his eyes tracing the features of your incredibly beautiful face. Made for the spotlight. He's clearly intrigued by your appearance, but also a little intimidated by it.

"H-hi, Ophera."

You can feel the weight of Ryan's gaze on you, and you can sense his nervousness at finally meeting you. The situation definitely feels a bit bizarre, considering your complicated relationship with his father. You glance briefly at Homelander, unsure of how to approach this interaction.

He stands aside, watching you and his son, with a hint of trepidation. He seems just as uncertain about how you two will interact. He silently observes your reaction and lets you respond to him.

You can't deny it to yourself, one misstep with the little boy and everything is over for you. But you've never been good with children, and you know her father's expectations are very high. He will not admit any mistakes or flaws.

Trying to break the ice, Ryan smiles at you, even though is a slightly wobbly smile, and asks a question.

"So, you're... the singer, right? I saw you on tv. And my dad speak a lot about you and your music."

His words surprise you a little. You're not used to hearing Homelander talking about you, at least positively. You try to find the right words to respond to his comment with a gentle smile.

"Yes, It's me. And I am surprised that your father talks about me to you. Did he say something nice?" you can't help but wonder what else he's told him.

"Yeah. He said your singing voice is really beautiful and that you have a lot of fans. He also said you can control some kinds of metal and you're really strong. He's lucky to have a woman like you to his side."

''Oh, uhm, yeah-- yes...he's right.''

The situation becomes more and more weird for you, you don't know what the point of the situation is, or because Homelander wanted you to meet Ryan. Out of courtesy or for some other strange reason?

As the conversation continues, you can't shake off the feeling that there's a deeper meaning behind this meeting. Homelander's intentions are unclear and there's definitely something else behind this introduction. He seems to be carefully watching your every interaction with his son, analyzing your reactions and responses.

Ryan seems to be more at ease now, and his nervousness begins to fade away while he walk with you around the room and making you sit beside him on the sofa. But there is still silence between you, you don't know what to talk about.

You take a deep breath and decide that you have to improvise, you lean towards the boy and pretend to whisper something to him, in an gentle and funny way.

''I know it's hard for you too, I understand, it's embarrassing to have to interact like this...but let's say something, anything, so your dad will be happy and he let's us go back to our business.''

Ryan looks at you with a mixture of curiosity and relief. He seems a bit surprised by your casual and friendly approach, but he clearly appreciates it. He lowers his voice too and responds in a whisper.

"Yeah, it's a bit weird. My dad's been talking about you a lot, but I didn't know what to say or what to ask you…"

Homelander, noticing Ryan's relaxed expression and your attempt to break the ice, finally decides to join the conversation. His voice is light, friendly sarcastic.

"I can't believe you're talking about me behind my back.'' he says with a hint of faux-offended tone in his voice. He walks over to where you and his son are sitting, takes a seat on the armchair opposite the sofa.

''Come on, you can ask her whatever you want, she don't bite.''

"Okay, then...um..."

He takes a moment, clearly thinking of a question to ask. He glances at you, then back at his father. It's evident that he's not sure what kind of question will please his dad.

Seeing how Ryan is in difficulty, you decide to take the reins of the situation.

''Listen, Homelander. I really appreciate you wanting me to meet your son...it's really cute from you. And he seems a good little boy. But I don't understand what's happening and why I am here today.''

"Ah, always to the point, aren't you?" he replies, a note of sarcasm in his voice.

"I just want to introduce my son to the woman I care about."

You don't believe his sweet words, you know he only does it to appear like a good person in front of his son. But you can't expose him, you don't want to, you're just trying to understand what's your role is in this show.

Homelander notices the skepticism on your face, but he remains cool and composed.

"Oh, come on! Can't I be a loving father who wants his son to meet the woman he's dating?"

The word "dating" stings you as soon as it crosses his lips. It's not true, you're not actually dating, not in the traditional understanding of the term. Ryan looks between you and his father, a bit perplexed by the interaction. The boy's clearly not used to this dynamic.

Any other woman would have acted differently, she would have thrown herself into cuddling and giving affecction to the boy without hesitation. Even just for fear of not pleasing his father. But you don't have this instinct. The maternal instinct has never belonged to you. And now you feel the weight of it, you really want to help Ryan get out from this situation, but you are in difficult too. And all your stage audacity seems to vanish in front of a child.

''Sure, sure you can...I wonder why you didn't introduce us sooner.''

Homelander gives a little laugh, enjoying your sarcastic response.

"Who knows..." he replies nonchalant. "I guess I just wanted to wait for the right moment. But now, here we are. And I think Ryan already likes you."

Ryan, who has been quietly following the conversation, nods in agreement. He doesn't seem entirely convinced or comfortable in the situation, his eyes are searching for yours. Subconsciously hoping that you can show more humanity than all the other supers he's met so far.

"Yeah, you're... cool. I listened to your song, I like them."

''Oh, and what's your favourite?---'' you are about to answer to him, finally with a normal kind of conversation, but you are interrupted.

"See? Looks like you've got a new fan!" Homelander gets up from the armchair, walking over to stand behind you on the sofa. His hand rests possessively on your shoulder.

"Isn't she great?" he asks, looking down at you with a hint of malice in his eyes. "She's smart, talented, and beautiful. The perfect woman."

Ryan nods again, trying to look enthusiastic, but something in his expression seems forced.

You can't tolerate this, you sense Ryan's anxiety constantly. You and him are trapped in the same cage. Then you then turn to Homelander and give him a seemingly kind smile, trying to you try to change the subject. You're going to put up with it for the little boy's sake.

''Seems pretty clear that I've been approved.''

Homelander grins, satisfied with your response. He gives your shoulder a light, almost condescending little pat.

"Oh, definitely approved." he says, the possessive hint in his tone still there. "He's a smart kid, he knows a good person when he sees one."

Ryan looks at you from across the room, trying to gauge your reaction. He can sense that you're trying to make things better, but the atmosphere in the room is still a bit awkward.

"Buddy, why don't you ask her to sing a little something for us?" Homelander ask, clearly intending not to let the moment end.

The little one looks surprised by the imprompt request. He glances briefly at you, clearly hesitant about the idea. Seeing his discomfort, you give him a reassuring look, as if to tell that you can handle it. At least that would have been a good moment.

''I don't know dad, maybe she doesn't want to, maybe she's tired...''

''Nah. It's just a little song, it won't hurt her, will it?" Homelander's expression hardens slightly, his tone becoming sarcastic.

"Um…can you sing something for us…please?"

''What's your favourite song of mine Ryan? I'd love to sing for you.'' you gently said to Ryan, leaning in his direction. Trying your best to create a serene moment out of this tense situation. He seems grateful for your attempt to divert the situation from his father's command to sing.

"I like your cover of I Can't Help Falling in Love. Could you sing that?''

You nod slightly, smiling gently at Ryan. ''Great choice.''

You take a moment to gather your thoughts, and then start to hum to warm up a little. Then, taking a deep breath, you begin to sing the opening notes, your eyes closing for a moment as you surrender to the music.

''Wise men say only fools rush in. But I can't help falling in love with you. Shall I stay? Would it be a sin?''

As you begin to sing, both find themselves mesmerized by your voice. Even Homelander, who has heard you countless times before, is once again taken aback by the power and emotion you infuse in your voice. Ryan, seems to forget the situation he's in and the tension in the air. He leans slightly forward, his eyes wide open, listening to your voice filling the room.

''Darling, so it goes. Some things are meant to be. Take my hand, take my whole life, too. For I can't help falling in love with you.''

The lyrics of the song seem to echo even more in that room. You're not just singing, you're communicating in the best way you know.

The last few notes of your singing trail off in the air, as the room falls into a moment of reverent silence. Your eyes open, and you look at Ryan, who seems completely enraptured by your voice.

''Wo-hoow! Your voice live is a thousand times more beautiful than on TV.'' the boy lets out a spontaneous and sincere comment, and you find yourself laughing softly, sincerely, this time.

''You're too cute little one, I'm happy you appreciate my version of this song.''

''It's awesome, you're awesome! I'd like to see you live one day, the whole show!''

''Whenever you want kid, I'll get you a VIP pass to have the best seat in the whole stadium.''

''Really?? You're not joking right?''

''Dinner with the celebrity and Meet and Greet included.'' you can't help but gently indulge him, his spontaneity and his desire to escape from routine.

Ryan's eyes light up at the proposition and he felt comfortable continuing the conversation with a genuinely happy expression on his face. It's obvious that this little exchange between you two has lifted his spirits.

Homelander, on the other hand, seems a little taken aback by the interaction. He's not used to see you so... genuine and soft with someone. He claps his hands, disrupting the moment of calm. As if needing to regain some control.

''What a lovely bonding time we had here. You are making me really happy.''

You feel slightly irritated by his sudden interruption. You are still smiling, but now it's a little forced. Your eyes dart towards him, and your expression seems to say "Really? Just when something good was happening, you have to ruin it?"

Nevertheless, your years of experience with the Vought Company and your work as a celebrity have taught you the art of masking your true feelings. So, you don't let your annoyance shine through too much, at least not in front of Ryan.

Homelander, noticing the change in your expression, seems to realize that he might have intervened at the wrong time. He didn't really mean to interrupt the bonding moment between you and Ryan, but rather, he felt a little left out.

As if he wanted to say: "Hey, look at me. I want to be part of this, too."

His sudden intervention seems to be driven more by a need to be acknowledged and included than by a desire to intentionally ruin the situation. Despite the fact that you've been with him for years, and you know he's a narcissistic asshole, the current moment seems to reveal a slightly different aspect of him.

As you notice the hint of vulnerability in Homelander's eyes, your irritation slightly lessens. You know him too well, and you can tell when he's faking his usual arrogant confidence and when he genuinely feels left out.

It's almost comical how someone as powerful and imposing as him can feel left out.

You're trying to maintain your composure, to keep your guard up, but a part of you can't help but find him a bit... cute, in this moment of uncharacteristic vulnerability.

''Don't worry big boy, I have a VIP pass for you too.'' you say laughing, looking at Ryan, as If you're seeking his support after making a little joke at his father.

Ryan can't help but chuckle at your little comment. He looks up at his father, clearly amused to see him taken aback by your joke. Homelander glares at you for a moment, pretending to be annoyed, but there's a twinkle in his eye, as if he secretly enjoys the little banter.

"Yeah, right, very funny... I guess I'll need that front row seat. Like I need your permission to have one.''

''Ooh, someone's getting defensive now, are we?'' you tease.

Ryan laughs even more, enjoying this whole situation. You can tell that the boy has been craving for some lighthearted moments, considering what he's gone through.

"Well, to be fair, it's good to have options, right dad? You can't always rely on your superpowers to grab the best seat."

You and Ryan share a knowing glance, a silent alliance between you.

"Oh, shut it, you two. I'm the one taking care of the both of you, you should be grateful." he says, his tone carrying no real threat.

Slowly the atmosphere becomes pleasant for all three, and so you spend an hour together. The conversation gradually shifts from teasing banter to more casual topics. Homelander eventually starts to relax a bit, his typical guard lowering. Ryan seems to genuinely enjoy the time spent with both of you, and the boy's innocent and endearing presence helps to ease the tension that sometimes exists between you and Homelander.

As the sun begins to set and the shadows grow longer, the day starts to wind down. The room is bathed in the soft, golden light of the evening, creating a cozy atmosphere.

As the evening progresses, you slowly start to realize that you're actually enjoying yourself. Spending time with Ryan, feels strangely...comfortable. Your initial plan of tolerating a child just for Homelander's sake is slowly replaced by the realization that this kid is not so bad after all. You find yourself smiling easily, genuinely enjoying the little exchanges.

The realization is a bit unsettling to you. It's not that you're used to seeing yourself as a particularly warm and compassionate person. You can't help but question your own prejudices and assumptions about yourself. Perhaps, beneath the hardened persona that you've built up over the years, there's a softer side to you that you forgot.

As the last rays of sunlight disappear and the night sky takes over.

''Ryan, you should get some rest. It's late."

''What? Why now? I was showing Ophera my movie collections!'' the boy protests, making you laugh.

''No arguing. Come on, bedtime." Homelander's tone is firm but gentle, and you see Ryan clearly not happy to have to end the fun.

''I'm not a child dad, I mean, I can stay awake more...''

You approach him and put a hand on his back with kindness, then you try to convince him with a more delicate but still original approach.

''Hey Ryan, listen to me, I suppose we're way past your bedtime. And pretty boy need rest to stay pretty. You don't want to wake up tomorrow with dark circles under your eyes, do you?''

"I guess you're right... I don't want to look like a zombie tomorrow." he end the argument with a little joke.

You chuckle with a hint of satisfaction at Ryan's response. Seeing how the boy accepted your words, makes you glad that you didn't have to rely on Homelander's authoritative approach to get him to comply.

''Very well. Now, go and get some beauty sleep.''

He took all of his stuff and then he wave a cute goodbye to you and Homelander before heading off to his room. As the sound of his footsteps slowly fades away, there's a moment of silence between you two.

Time for the showdown.

"Well, isn't this touching. My two favorite people… getting along so well."

You turn to face Homelander, raising an eyebrow at his comment and becoming serious again, like everytimes he try and succeed to manipulate you.

"I'm not doing this for you.''

"Is that so? Funny, I thought you hated children. Yet here you are… playing the role of a loving mother.” he teases.

The moment the word mother leaves his mouth, you can't help but visibly tense up. Your eyes narrow and your jaw clenches, a mix of anger and discomfort showing on your face. Being referred to as a “mother” triggers a deep-seated anxiety within you, stirring up memories and fears that you've worked hard to suppress. The word carries a weight that you don’t want to associate with yourself.

You take a deep breath, trying your best to conceal the inner turmoil that his words have stirred up. It's ironic that he should use that word, given the fact that you, in your mind, you’ve never seen yourself as a motherly type. It feels like a cruel mockery, a reminder of something that you have never been taught and that sadly you will never be able to understand.

''Don't you dare. I know your plan, and no, I'm not going to play the role of a mother for him. Being your partner causes me enough stress.''

He sees the reaction that the word mother elicits from you and he smirks, realizing that he has found a vulnerable spot.

"Don't be so tensed, sweetheart..." he steps closer to you, a hint of mischief in his eyes, enjoying the fact that he's managed to get under your skin.

"You know, Ryan needs a mother figure in his life. Someone who can guide him, care for him. You could be that person. I know you're capable of it, deep down.”

"Oh, spare me the sentimental crap." you snap, your voice filled with irritation and defiance. You know he's trying to manipulate you, to make you feel guilty for not wanting to be what the little boy needs.

"Don't you dare assume you know what I'm capable of. I have my own duties and responsibilities. Being a motherly figure for your kid wasn't part of the deal..."

"You may deny it, but I can see the way you interacted with the boy. You connected with him, in your own unique way. And it would be really cruel from you to deprive him of a mother's love right now that he's bonding with you.''

He's trying to make you feel guilty, and oh God, he's succeeding.

His words touch a nerve, making you inwardly squirm, of anger and guilt inside you. You know he's trying to play on your emotions and make you feel responsible for depriving Ryan of something he needs.

"Besides, think about it as an opportunity," Homelander continues his manipulation, moving even closer to you, his voice becoming softer, his eyes meeting yours.

"The perfect family picture, you and me and Ryan.''

The thought of having a "perfect family picture'' with Homelander and Ryan both disgusts you and scares you, yet a small part of you secretly yearns for the sense of belonging and family that's been missing in your life.

''No, I can't...absolutely not.''

''I know you can be that for him. I saw it with my own eyes. And you're going to be. Or else..." there's a sinister undertone in his chuckle.

''Or else what?'' you answer, facing him, feeling trapped again, without any free will.

''Oh, sweetheart, you don't wanna find out.'' he concluded, slowly crawling with his hand gripping lightly your throat, forcing you to look up at him.

Reminding you once again, that you're the celebrity, but he's the one who directs every show, every chapter of your life.

-------

Thanks again for the request, it was really good to write, hope you like it! Kisses <3

[amethystasra]

14DWY is an 18+ game, minors DNI !

Ren/ AFAB Reader

2.4k words

Ren belongs to @14dayswithyou 🌟

You spent the day with Leon and Ren gets jealous. Based off a post that said Ren would only take his own pleasure into account if you manage to make him jealous enough, though this ended up being a lot softer than intended. Written with [REDACTED] in mind.

jealousy, reverse comfort and all that stuff:)

-

Five hours. Five hours, fifty-two minutes and thirteen seconds. That's how long you've been gone today. Ren looked at the time on his laptop, as he counted the seconds you were away. A painful emptiness in his heart, as he stared at the pictures of you and him that hung on your shared walls. He missed you so much. Even a minute without you is enough to turn him into a sobbing mess.  

He heard your laugh coming from his laptop -That he had been using to listen in on your conversations through your phone- followed up by someone else's that made his fists curl up in anger. Leon.  

"I haven't seen Leon in weeks Ren. We're just catching up. It'll only be for a little while; I'll be right back." You had told him, after he had desperately tried to keep you home using numerous excuses as to why you shouldn't go.  

Ren's possessive tendencies are already intense enough as it is, but oh your childhood friend, the piece of shit who had ruined his proposal to you all those years ago, made him feel a type of jealousy like no other. His jaw clenched as he forced out a –somewhat unsettling- smile. “Sorry angel. I just worry about you.” He pulled you closer to him, placing a kiss atop your forehead. “Call me if you need anything, alright?” He had no choice but to let you go, not wanting to risk a fight, and end up with you potentially viewing him in a bad light.  

Ren felt his stomach churning, a mixture of jealousy and anger, hearing the two of you talk and laugh, while you ignored him. You had responded to the first couple of his texts, picked up the first few times he called, until you decided to put your phone on do not disturb.  

"Is everything alright between you and that lanky fella, sunfish?" Leon’s voice was laced with concern. "You know all I want is for you to be happy, and I'll support you no matter what,” He paused for a second. “But, if I'm being honest, something about him just feels off. He’s called you, like what? Five times already?" 

Ren felt his blood boil, his brain already coming up with ways to remove this pest that keeps on trying to separate him from his angel.  

You were quick to dismiss Leon’s concerns. "He's just a bit clingy, that's all. It's actually kind of sweet. He just worries a lot." Ren's anger melted away, as you came to his defense, replaced by the utter love and devotion he feels for you. A literal angel.  

Six hours and 20 minutes had passed when you finally returned home. Ren already stood waiting right in front of the door. Before you could even step inside you felt a pair of arms wrap around you tightly. "Woah, hello to you too." You giggled; a bit startled. Ren didn't respond as he pulled you inside, rested his head on top of yours and inhaled your scent. You embraced him back and smiled. "I missed you too Ren."  

Ren finally pulled back enough to look at you.  

"Did you?" He sounded sad, but there was also a certain sharpness in his voice. "Then why were you ignoring me?" The jealousy in his voice now becoming clear.  

You frowned, feeling a twinge of guilt rise in you. "I'm sorry Ren. It's just, you were calling almost every 10 minutes and Leon-" Ren cut you off before you could finish your sentence. "Do you like him more than me?" His voice was intense, not mad, you knew he could never get mad at you. He sounded possessive, and if you didn’t know him as well as you did, you would’ve almost missed the desperation his words were laced with. "No- no of course not." Heat rose to your cheeks as butterflies began to form in your stomach. 

He stared at you intensely, putting his hand on your face and bringing his lips to yours, kissing you passionately. You kiss him back immediately. His hands grabbing your waist firmly, fingers digging into the plush skin. After what felt like forever, he finally pulled back.  

"Then show me that you belong to me. That you're mine."  He breathes, eyes half lidded. You nodded your head with a desperate gleam in your eyes, letting him know how much you want this too. "I'm yours Ren." You tucked a stray piece of hair behind his ear.  "Only yours." 

Ren's lips were back on yours in an instant, moaning into your mouth as his hands roamed all over your body. One was placed behind your head, as the other found its way to your breast, massaging it. After a while his hands settled around your thighs, and suddenly you were being lifted up and carried to the bedroom.  

Ren gently set you down on the bed before stepping back and looking down at you with complete infatuation. "Strip for me." He ordered.  

You stared at him for a second, unsure of where to start. When you took a little too long for his liking, he quirked his head to the side and raised an eyebrow, waiting for you to get started. You slowly pulled up your shirt, exposing your bare chest. Ren looked at you intently, watching you undress for him, his hand slowly rubbing the bulge in his pants. Once you were done with the rest of your clothes, you sat back down on your knees, waiting obediently for your next order.  

Ren stepped closer to the bed and put his hand on top of your hair and started petting it softly. "So obedient f'me. Such a good girl. Now open up." He put his free hand on your chin, and gently pried open your lips with his finger before shoving it in.  

"Ah- fuck." Ren moaned as you immediately started sucking. He took a few seconds to relish in the way you seemed so eager to obey his every whim, before pulling his hand back and ordering you to lay down on the bed. He slowly started making his way over to the bedside table, never taking his eyes off you. He opened the drawer, pulling out a rope. "Hands above your head. Wrists together."  

All you could do was silently obey as you felt your arousal dripping down your thighs. Ren bound your wrists to the headboard and stepped back for a second, admiring his handiwork.  

"Mine." He whispered to himself quietly. A shameful thought crossed his mind, at the sight of you tied up beneath him. What if he kept you here permanently? tied up like this, in his bed. You sure seem to be enjoying yourself. Maybe you'd like this too. 

 Ren's heart raced at the thought of having you all to himself. Being the only one who gets to see you like this, the only one who gets to speak to you, the only one who gets to touch you, the only one who gets to receive your attention forever and ever and ever-  

"Ren?" The sound of your voice softly calling out his name made him snap back to reality.   

No. He’d never do that -except as a last resort of course, but he wouldn't let it come to that- he wants to share every single second of his life with you. He wants to watch the stars reflect in your eyes every night, he wants to take you on expensive dinners and shopping trips, give you everything you ask for, visit new places together, and make every single dream of yours come true. Because just as much as you were his, he was also yours. And if others tried to get in the way of that, he would simply have to get rid of them. It's going to be just the two of you for eternity, no matter what. He will make sure of that.  

He smiled at the sound of your voice, leaning down to place a gentle kiss on your forehead. “Patience, angel.” 

He undressed himself, stroking his cock a few times before sitting down on the bed next to you. He softly cupped your face in the palms of his hands and kissed you. His hands slowly made their way down your body, making sure to not leave a single inch untouched. His hands came to an eventual halt a few inches from your soaking entrance. You bucked your hips against his fingers in an attempt for him to continue. He chuckled at your desperation, before sliding two fingers inside of you. 

"God, you're soaked for me already. I don't even think you need any prep." He pumped his fingers in and out a few times before retracting them completely, and slowly licking them clean with a moan. He straddled your hips placing his cock at your entrance and gripping your waist firmly.  

"Tell me how badly y'want it, angel. Tell me how badly you want me." The words escape your mouth before you can even think about it. "Please Ren. I need you."  A sly smirk appeared on his face. "Please what? What do you need? Use your words baby."  

"I need you to fuck me Ren plea-" before you could even finish your sentence Ren was already thrusting himself inside you, groaning loudly at the way your soft walls hugged his member. He waited a few seconds for you to adjust and started moving –at a pace a bit rougher than his usual- after you gave a confirming nod.  

His fingers dig into the plush of your hips, as Ren continues fucking into you roughly like his life depends on it. He whimpers every time your walls clench around his cock.  

Ren shamelessly moans out your name, while moving one hand to cup your face, and the other towards your clit, using his skilled fingers to rub it in circles. He's being so rough, yet so gentle at the same time.  

"Keep making those pretty sounds for me f'me baby. Fuck you feel so good." He moans into the crook of your neck before gently biting into the skin there, leaving marks all over you.  

He continues thrusting into you, searching your eyes after he decides he's left enough marks on your throat. His eyes glisten with something so utterly intense and passionate it leaves you speechless.  

You close your eyes for a while, getting lost in way his cock slams in and out of you, and the way his slender fingers work on your clit, until you hear Ren calling out your name again. "Look at me baby, you're close, aren't you?" You try to answer him, but all you can manage is a nod and more jumbled moans. "Then cum for me angel." 

The knot in your stomach tightens, and before you can even think about it you can feel yourself falling over the edge.  

He works you through your orgasm, making sure you get to ride it out entirely. Once you start to shake from overstimulation, his hands move back down to grab your hips again on the same spot where marks are already beginning to show from his previous hold and 

Ren's movements become frantic. "That's it baby, fuck." Ren lets out a mixture of whimpers and mumbled "I love You's" as he reaches his own peak and fills you up. 

Ren pants into the crook of your neck while you both come down from your high. He doesn't back up. He clings to you, as if he fears you might disappear the moment he lets go, pushing his face a little further into your hair, his fingers tightening around your waist. After a few seconds, he takes a moment to quickly undo the bindings around your wrists. He massages the area that was bound, placing the softest kisses onto it before settling his head back in its prior spot. 

Everything seemed peaceful, but you could tell something was off. He was somehow holding you even tighter than usual and the soft exhales of breath gliding down the side of your neck held something unspoken. 

You reach up, one hand softly stroking through his hair, as you put your other on his face in an attempt to get him to look up to you. His face remained buried deep into the crook of your neck, a few quick sobs escaping his lips. You kiss him temple, waiting a few moments, knowing he usually doesn't like to show this more emotional side of himself, let alone talk about it. "Ren, what's wrong?" You ask him in the softest, most angelic voice.  

He tries to choke back a response but ends up a stuttering mess. You place both your hands on his face now, making him look up at you with teary eyes. "It's okay, I'm here Ren, can you take some deep breaths for me?"  

Ren does as he's asked, and eventually his breathing steadies. You wipe a few stray tears that still lingered on his rosy cheeks. "What's wrong?" You whisper again, so quiet he almost missed it.  

"I- I just-" he begins slowly. "I missed you so much." He hesitates for a second, but a quick encouraging nod of your head makes him continue. "When you're not here with me, when you're with someone else, it feels as if all the air is ripped out of my lungs. It's like the moon and all the stars have disappeared from the sky and I'm left in complete darkness. I-” He looks up at you. “I just need you angel. I love you so much.”  

Your eyes start to tear up at his words, you pull his face to yours and kiss him. “I love you too Ren, more than anything. Please don’t ever doubt that.” You wipe away the tears that fall from his eyes. “I’m not going to just disappear if I'm away for a few yours. I'll always come home to you. Please just let me know whenever you feel like this, okay?” Ren nods and kisses you again, before rolling onto his side and pulling you into his chest. 

There are some more kisses and quiet words exchanged between the two of you before you both drift to sleep, dangled in each other's arms.

[mochinomnoms]

Riddle + Yuu’s telepathy for an hour+ Floyd next to him= Why is Riddle looking like he is about to have another Ob?

He now know Floyd is into him, more wild if Floyd has the same 18+ thoughts as Jade. Riddle’s hair is becoming white and his cheeks go as red as his hair because Floyd is also thinking of the most domestic scenarios with him.

He can’t catch a fucking break.

Worse if Yuu and Jade are there. Holy fuck Riddle will die.

When you begged Riddle to let you test your new power and transfer your telepathy over for just a class period, he was just trying to be a good friend.

And he was mildly curious how your mind reading powers worked. He was under the assumption that you had to choose a specific person and listen into their thoughts for it to work. Which made your predicament with Jade all the more humorous to him. If you were so bothered by it all, then why did you listen in?

My cute little Riddle~ Aaaah, you're so bright. So red. I love your red hair, your red cheeks when your mad. Should I call you Goldfishie again? To piss you off? So you can yell at me with those pretty gray eyes and voice? Aha, maybe I should~

I think I should beg for the Prefect's forgiveness after this. I am so, so sorry. I didn't realize how bad it was.

Riddle had no clue how you handled the influx of noise, color, and feeling bashing into your head all day. It was like having a horn ringing straight into his ear while a truck's headlights flashed right in his eyes.

Even worse than that? He could make out the singular, most irritating noise, louder than the rest.

My little goldfish, my little tyrant, my little Riddle~

The bane of his existence. The enforcer of Octavinelle. Currently, the third-tallest student at Night Raven College.

"Uh, Riddle?"

Riddle took a deep breath, closing his eyes and turning towards Silver with a polite smile.

"Yes, Silver?"

Silver opened his mouth, closed it again as he paused, and opened it again.

"Are you alright?"

Cute little goldfish~ So bright and red~

"Yes." Riddle ignored the heat pooling under his face. "Why do you ask?"

"You're incredibly red right now. I think even your hair looks pink compared to your face."

Riddle made a strangled sounding noise as he buried his head into his arms and hid against the desk.

"Riddle?" Silver sounded concerned, and Riddle could sense his hands hovering over him, like he wasn't sure if Riddle needed a pat on the back, or to be left alone.

"I'm fine, I just need a moment—"

"Little Goldfishie~"

Riddle bolted up, his head nearly smacking against Floyd's chin based on the way the teal-haired man felt backwards.

"Wow! Cool it Goldfishie!" Aw, he's so cute! "Just tryin' to say hi~"

The image of himself in Floyd's arms and lap, nuzzled up against each other as the other contentedly played with his hands flashed in his head.

My goldfishie! My little red tyrant! My Riddle! Mine, mine mineminemineminemine—

"NO I'M NOT!"

The room went silent, everyone looking over at the group of three. Noticing that Riddle and Floyd were interacting, everyone shrugged and resumed their conversations after a moment.

"Uh, what?" Floyd looked and sounded confused. Now that Riddle was paying attention to him though, he could make out a soft look in his eye.

Aw, are you red 'cause you're sick? Is my mean little mate sick?

Mate? Mate?! MATE! OH GODS NO!

Do I gotta take you to the nurse? I can do it! Anything for my future mate! Aha~ I love my mate, I'll take such good care of you.

Riddle was met with another image of Floyd and himself in another...sweet scenario. One where Floyd was watching him sleep in with one of the most tender looks Riddle had ever imagined on Floyd's face. As he slept, Floyd played with the coral colored ring on his left ring finger.

"Nothing! It's nothing! I'm fine!" Riddle scrambled out of his chair, face still warm and his stomach nauseous.

"I think I'm just feeling a bit feverish, I think I will step out for a bit—"

"You want someone to take ya to the nurse?" Floyd asked, while Silver nodded along. "I can take ya, come on Lil' Goldfishie—"

"I DON'T NEED AN ESCORT!" Riddle shut his mouth as soon as he opened it, some of the other students giving him a look for his volume.

Aw what, come on! Floyd frowned, though it breifly was hidden by one of Floyd's lazy smiles as he shrugged.

"Whatever you say~" Floyd cooed, his eyes following Riddle as he rushed out of the classroom. Riddle could feel his entire body heating up, like Floyd knew that he knew.

Once he was out of the classroom, he near bolted to the nearest bathroom. Locking the door behind him, Riddle turned to look at himself in the mirror.

He was indeed his characteristic shade of red. Instead of his usual angry expression, though, was one of fluster and breathlessness.

Riddle let out a small, high-pitched whimper as he turned for the faucet for some cold water, splashing it on his face. He looked up at the mirror again, cheeks still bright red, and let out a whine.

I will never make light of you again, Prefect, I promise.

[badasbebi]

imagination's curse

navigation

✦ pairing: bada lee x fem!reader

✦ summary: you long for excitement in your mundane life, until you are suddenly visited by a strange, beautiful woman who upends your world and thrusts you into a whirlwind of pleasure and danger.

✦ genre/au: smut (MDNI!!), succubus!bada, basically pwp

✦ word count: 6k

✦ warnings: probably has grammatical/spelling errors, mentions of demons and occult activities, top!bada (she's doing all the work), fingering, cunnilingus, bit of thigh riding, y/n is a weakling, somebody dies (or do they?)

✦ a/n: this is very different from other fics I've written, in genre and length, because after watching bebe's imagination video on repeat, i decided to temporarily drop the other fic i was working on to write this! we will be getting back to the more simple (and long) fics I've written before, but i hope you guys still enjoy this in the meantime! i purposely left this open-ended in case i, or you guys, wanted to see a continuation of this story at some point. lmk if that would be of interest to y'all!

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Beyond the restaurant windows, rain pounds against the earth. The rhythmic drumming of the rain lulls you into a trance-like state, eyes glossing over and body becoming numb. The soft jazz music coming from the speakers overhead only enhances your drowsiness, making you melt into your seat like heated wax. You rest your chin in the palm of your hand and stare out at the street, watching cars pass by and disappear into the darkness. Your eyelids become heavy and you blink, attempting to bring your attention back to the real world, and, probably most importantly, the person in front of you. 

You sigh, slouching forward in your chair. Your date, Seolhyun, has been droning on for the last twenty minutes about her schoolwork. Her mouth is moving, but your mind isn't registering her words. You can't bring yourself to care. She seems somewhat nice, and she's devastatingly pretty, but those were about the only two qualities of value that you could conjure up. This wouldn't have been so bad, if this date hadn't essentially turned into a one-sided conversation she was having with herself.  You don't think you've said more than three words since the both of you sat down.

"Like, nursing is so boring and depressing. I don't get why so many people are into it," she says, taking a bite of her food. "I want to do something interesting and fresh, like, modeling, or something. Or, maybe I'll switch my major to art. I take really good pictures of my friends. Isn't there a photography concentration in the arts program?"

Seolhyun looks over at you expectantly, waiting for your input. You have no idea what the answer is, so you just shrug and give her a fake, tight-lipped smile. 

"Yeah, you know what? I think I'm gonna talk to my advisor tomorrow. It's just that my dad is the problem. Whenever I talk to my dad he's like, nooooo. That's not what I've been sending you money for. He's so old fashioned."

"Oh," you respond, your voice monotone. There is a part of you that can't help but feel a little bad about zoning out and ignoring her, but you've had your fill of boring conversations about family and school and life aspirations. This was nothing new. 

She slams one of her hands on the table, making you jump so high you nearly knock your glass of water over. 

"And it's silly because he's the one who wanted me to go to college sooo badly, so how are you going to complain about paying for it? Its like—and not to sound like a cunt—we do pretty well for ourselves. I don't need to be the moneymaker! I get he wants me to be the head nurse at the hospital he owns, but honestly, fuck that hospital. Fuck the patients too!" she continues, her voice raised loud enough to capture the attention of  the nearby tables. You can feel their eyes on you, and a wave of embarrassment washes over you. You glance around the room, trying not to make eye contact with anyone, slowly sliding down in your seat.

 "He's just...he's such a hardass. Doesn't let me do anything. It's a real shame," she finishes, huffing in annoyance.

You nod. "Right, it is a real shame." you mumble, still avoiding others' judgemental gazes. 

She doesn't seem to notice how uncomfortable you've become, or the attention that she's gathering. Instead, she grins."I know! I'm so glad you get it."

The only thing you're getting is murderous. You needed to get out of here, quickly. As if hearing your internal cries for help, the waiter appears, asking if the two of you would like to see the dessert menu. You shake your head.

"Oh, no. Just the check please," you say, glancing up at him.

Seolhyun nods in agreement. "Yeah, I'm done. This salad was kinda trash. No offense. Sorry." She picks up her napkin and dabs it at her mouth. 

The waiter grimaces. "No problem. I'll be right back."

As the waiter walks off, you turn back to Seolhyun, forcing yourself to smile. She jumps right back into her complaints, albeit more quietly, and fidgets with the stem of her wine glass. You tune her out again, no longer feeling guilty for doing so. The only thing that brings your attention back to reality is the waiter setting the bill face-down on the table. He bids you both goodnight before walking off, and when you look up, you almost want to laugh.  

A guilty expression flashes across Seolhyun's face, and she leans over the table, looking at the check. She clears her throat, and you already know what she's about to say. 

"Do you have your card on you? Sorry, I think I left mine at home. I'll totally venmo you after this." She laughs awkwardly, sitting back in her seat.

You roll your eyes, but reach for your wallet. "Whatever." 

After dinner, the two of you step out of the restaurant and into the rain, huddling under the overhang as you try to find an escape from the downpour. 

"Well, it was nice chatting with you, y/n," she says, stepping towards the edge of the overhang. "Hope we can hang out again soon."

"Yeah, definitely," you lie. 

"Awesome! Talk to you later, then." She smiles, and you know she's lying too.

Seolhyun walks out into the rain and you watch as she crosses the street, heading toward a pink Tesla. 

"Bitch," you murmur bitterly, pulling your hood over your head.

You don't want to spend money on an Uber, and the walk to the nearest bus stop isn't very far, so you decide to trek through the rain, praying that the bus won't take long. You zip up your coat and adjust your hood, stepping out into the rain. The cold pelts against your face and seeps through the material of your clothes, causing goosebumps to break out on your skin. You curse, and pull your arms close to your body, walking faster. The streetlamps lining the road provide enough light for you to see where you're going despite the dark clouds overhead, their glow casting an orange glow against the pavement.

As you walk, your thoughts turn back to your disastrous date. You didn't mean to act like such an ass, but it was impossible not to when the entire evening had consisted of her talking about herself and how difficult her life was. The worst part is, she actually seemed to think you were a good listener, even with your blank stares and monosyllabic responses.

Deep down, you know that it's not entirely Seolhyun's fault. Today felt like a culmination of all the ways you've been failing lately. In short, it's been a bad week. A bad month. A bad year. At all points, you've felt as though there was no escape from the dullness of your life, like you were being suffocated, drowned in a pool of water with no way to save yourself. These were your college years, and you came to the realization last year that all you've been doing was sitting in your room, studying, going to class, and then going home. No parties, no drama, no adventures, no romance, nothing. Even worse, it seemed like everyone else had already started their lives and were living them. It was infuriating, seeing everyone around you have fun, while you were stuck in this weird limbo of mediocrity.

In attempts to find some excitement, you downloaded a dating app and started going out more, meeting people, but so far, all the dates have ended up being like this. Boring, or just plain awkward. You've tried to make changes—different clothes, makeup, hair—anything to shake things up, and while that was nice and made you feel pretty, it didn't change the fact that your life was still dull. And now, you're just exhausted, constantly feeling like you're going through the motions.

 Nothing has worked. This was probably the tenth horrible date you've been on in two months. Maybe, this was just your life now, and you had to come to terms with it. Bland, and as bleak as the clouds overhead.  

Which seem to have gotten even darker, you notice, as you approach the bus stop. You stand underneath the shelter, rubbing your hands together and blowing on them. The streets are completely deserted. You shiver, your damp clothes clinging to your skin, and hug yourself tightly, trying to keep warm. You try to look for any sign of the bus, but the rain is coming down too hard, the air is heavy with fog, and you can't see further than a few feet away. A prickle of fear runs down your spine. You didn't even think to check if the buses were running late. What if they're not running at all?

Just as you reach for your phone to check the time, you hear the screeching of bus brakes and let out a sigh of relief. You're saved.

You stand at the edge of the sidewalk, watching as the bus slowly pulls up in front of the stop. The door opens and you step inside, moving as quickly as you can. The warm air instantly hits your face, but the heat does nothing to thaw the chill that has set in your bones.

You pay the driver and walk to the back, taking a seat near the window. The bus is nearly empty, save for an old woman and a couple of teenagers sitting towards the front.

You pull your phone out of your pocket and plug in your earbuds. Music starts playing, drowning out the noise of the rain and the rumble of the engine.

After a few stops, the bus reaches your destination and the doors open, the sound of the rain pouring down and the wind blowing in, bringing with it a cool breeze. You get off, and begin the trek home, your sneakers splashing through puddles as you make your way down the street.

The wind picks up, the gusts blowing hard enough to cause the street lamps to flicker and sway. They cast shadows against the ground and walls of the buildings, which appear and disappear in the blink of an eye. The rain comes down harder, falling in thick, heavy sheets. You quicken your pace, the muscles in your legs burning as you move, your heart rate quickening. 

Finally, your apartment building comes into view.  You run, sprinting the last block and darting up the steps, the water squishing between your toes. Excitement blooms in your chest as you grab the door handle and pull it open, the prospect of a dry place to lay your head making you feel better.

As soon as you cross the threshold of your building, you pull your hood down, the smell of mildew hitting your nose. Your shoes squeak against the wet floor, and you leave a trail of water droplets and mud as you head toward the elevator.

The ride up is excruciatingly slow. You tap your foot impatiently, watching the numbers climb, and think about the warm bed that's awaiting you, how good it'll feel to wrap yourself in a blanket and forget about this miserable night. If your roommate allows it.

Once your mind drifts to her, your excitement dwindles. Fatigue weighs heavy on your shoulders, and you long for nothing more than to be asleep in the comfort of your own bed, but you know it's a rubbish wish, thanks to Aeri. 

Recently, home hasn't been particularly enjoyable either. You used to have a roommate who didn't bother you. Then, she dropped out, and you were stuck with rent, an empty room, and the task of finding a new roommate. It was a difficult process, with most candidates seeming creepy or annoying or gross. Then, you ran into Aeri, who was by no means a perfect match, but seemed good enough. She was a bit awkward, and you didn't really know what to make of the intense gothic attire she was sporting during your initial meeting. She seemed incredibly nice and easygoing, though, and she smelled good. Was that not all you needed? So, running out of time, you swallowed your apprehension and gave her the spare keys to your apartment.  

For the most part, you didn't regret your decision. She was, in fact, one of the sweetest, most caring people you've ever met, frequently baking treats for you when she knew you were having a particularly terrible day and listening to you vent  about your dating diasters. But, there were a few small issues that had cropped up, and they happened to occur most often at night.

Your stomach does flip-flops the higher the numbers get, until, finally, the elevator dings, and the doors open. You shuffle out into the hall, pulling out your keys and heading toward the apartment. When you're in front of the door, you hesitate, the key hovering in the air as you stare at the peephole. You take a deep breath and push the door open, the smell of incense instantly hitting your nose as you step inside of the dark apartment. You slip off your wet shoes and hang your jacket up on your worn-out coat rack. 

"I'm back," you call, closing the door behind you. You step further into the apartment and glance around as you walk into the living room, where you are met with a sight you're not prepared for.

Your eyes squint to adjust to the dark and take in the scene before you. The air is thick and heavy, engulfed by the scent of a sweet, intoxicating perfume. Candles are placed throughout the space, their warm glow casting shadows on the wall. Aeri kneels in the middle of the living room, wearing a cloak, her hands hovering above an intricate pentagram on the floor. She mumbles something to herself that you cannot understand, her eyes closed. Her hair falls over her face and her lips move, but no words are uttered.

"Aeri, what are you doing?" you ask, taking a tentative step forward.

Aeri's head snaps up, her eyes wide, and the mumbling stops.

"Oh, hey, you're back," she says, her tone a bit nervous. Her hands tremble as she moves the hood of her cloak back. "Sorry, I didn't know you'd be back so soon. I was just—uh—you know."

"No, actually. I don't. What are you doing?" You repeat, folding your arms in front of you.

She looks around the room, before returning her gaze to you. "Uh...meditating?"

And this was the problem. Shortly after Aeri moved in, she brought her witchy occult shit with her. You don't really believe in any of it, so you typically ignore her and carry on with your day when you see her pull out one of her spellbooks at the dinner table. Except for days like this, when she goes too far, gets too loud, and keeps you up at night with her antics. Then, she becomes public enemy number one. 

You glare at her. "With a pentagram on the floor? Please. This is..."

You pause, scanning the room again. There's something particularly wrong today, but you can't quite place it. There's heaviness in the air, a heightened version of the feeling you get when you're in a haunted house, except there are no clowns or people cosplaying as serial killers, just candles and a pentagram and Aeri, staring up at you. 

"Bizarre. This is bizarre. Even for you." you finish, narrowing your eyes. "What's going on?"

"Nothing!" She squeaks, her voice strained. "I was just...doing some reading about a spell that could, uh. Fix a problem that I’ve been having. I decided to try it out today"

You pinch the bridge of your nose and let out an exasperated sigh. You're tired. Your hair is drenched. Your shirt is clinging to your back. You couldn't be bothered with this. 

"Listen, I don't think I actually care about what you have going on. But, I have an exam tomorrow, I've had a rough day, and I need some rest. Can you promise to keep it down in here while I sleep?"

Aeri looks around, a guilty expression on her face, before nodding her head. "Sure, yeah. No problem. I’m sorry."

"Thank you," you say, and turn on your heels without another word.

You make your way through the hallway and enter your bedroom, shutting the door behind you.

Your room is dark and cold, but you can't bother to turn the lights on or get under the covers. Instead, you lay down on the bed, your limbs splayed out. Your hair is still wet, and you can feel the moisture seeping into your comforter, but you can't even think to move.

You're too tired to bother changing into your pajamas. Too tired to do anything but sleep. So, you shove off your socks and rain-soaked jeans and call it a day. You crawl into bed, pulling the blankets over your body until they rest just below your chin. The warmth envelopes you and you're finally able to relax. You stare up at the ceiling, watching the fan spin slowly, praying for a peaceful night's rest. Lately, you've been plagued by strange dreams you can't remember when you wake up. Although they've been forgetful, they usually keep you tossing and turning in your sleep throughout the night. But, tonight, your eyelids are so heavy you can barely keep them open, and within seconds, you drift off into unconsciousness, the world slipping away and the darkness consuming you. The smell of Aeri's incense and the sound of the rain lulls you into a slumber unlike never before, submerged into a dark void of nothing.  

That is, until you feel something touch you. You awaken with a start, jolting upright in your bed, your heart racing. The room is dark, illuminated only by the light of the moon shining through the window. You glance around frantically, searching for the source of the touch, but there's nothing, no sign of life. Just shadows, and the sound of your breathing. You close your eyes, taking a deep breath, trying to steady yourself. It's probably just the wind or an insect. You're tired, and your deteriorating mind is playing tricks on you. There's nothing to be scared of.

You lay back down, pulling the blankets up to your chin, and take a deep breath, closing your eyes. Your heartbeat begins to slow, and you exhale, trying to relax. A few minutes pass, and you begin to drift off once again, when, suddenly, you feel something against your neck. A cold, soft pressure. Like a feather, brushing across your skin.

"Y/N." A soft, gentle voice whispers.

Your eyes flutter open, and you are met with the sight of a woman's face, inches away from yours. You gasp and shoot up again, nearly slamming your forehead against hers. The woman backs away, allowing you to regain your bearings. You blink a few times, shaking your head to try to wake yourself up, but she remains., staring at you with an expression that could only be described as amused. 

The moonlight streams in through the window, giving the woman's figure an almost ethereal glow. You've never seen her before. She has a stupefying, otherworldly, beauty about her, with dark eyes and full lips that accentuate her sharp jawline. She's wearing a black, silky nightgown that clings to her body. Her pale, delicate-looking skin shines in the moonlight, and her dark hair, interlaced with another color, cascades down her back, falling over her shoulders.

You look around the room, expecting the lights to turn on and an elaborate prank to be revealed, but the room is just as dark and empty as you remember. When your eyes fall back onto the woman, she is staring back at you, a soft smile on her face.

"Who the fuck are you?" you force out, your voice trembling.  

She quirks an eyebrow, tilting her head to the side. "Were you not expecting me?"

You scoff, nearly choking on your own saliva. "No! Of course not. I've never seen you before in my life. What the hell is going on? And how do you know my name?"

Her eyes light up with mirth, and her smile widens as if she's in on some sort of joke. 

"Oh, this is interesting," she starts, clasping her hands together. "This is very interesting."

As a primal fear takes hold of your body, interesting is the last word that comes to your brain to describe the situation you've found yourself in. Albeit hot, this random woman broke into your apartment to do God knows what to you and your belongings. Who knows if she's already murdered Aeri. Or, perhaps, this is a lucid dream, and you're experiencing some sort of weird hallucination. Either way, you wanted out. Now.

You release a shaky exhale in a poor attempt to calm your nerves. "I'm gonna call the cops, okay? But, I really don't want any trouble. If you leave now, I won't tell anyone about this." 

The woman stares at you for a moment, her expression unreadable, before erupting into a fit of laughter. You blink, unsure of how to proceed. She continues to laugh, her hand clutching her chest as her whole body shakes. The sound is melodic, and it rings out like the chimes of a bell, the notes flowing effortlessly into the air. It's almost enchanting, and you find yourself lost in the melody until she quiets down and straightens up, a soft smile on her face. 

"That's completely unnecessary. I'm not here to cause you any harm, Y/N," she says, and, somehow, her voice is even more hypnotic than her laugh. Some of your fear dissipates, but the confusion remains.

"Why are you here, then?" you question, unable to keep the suspicion out of your tone.

"To give you a little bit of help. I know you've been struggling." She replies, her voice dripping with sympathy.

"How do you know that?"

She smiles, the expression making her features seem even more radiant than before. "I know a lot of things. 'How' is irrelevant. What's more important is that I know exactly how I can help you tonight. You need...a stress reliever. I can do that for you. If you're up for it, that is."

"A stress reliever?" You echo, and the way her eyes sparkle in the moonlight, her lips quirked up in a seductive smirk, her voice low and smooth, makes it abundantly clear what she's implying. Your cheeks flush and heat rushes through your body. This couldn't be real. Could it?

"I don't think we're on the same page. I mean, a...stress reliever. I don't know if I understand," you say, shifting uncomfortably.

"You're a bit slow, aren't you?" she asks a devilish grin stretching across her face, and, she's probably right. You feel like a fish out of water, opening and closing your mouth like an idiot. The worst part of it is, she seems to be enjoying your floundering, grinning wider as she watches you stutter. 

"There's no need to worry," she purrs, taking a step closer, her dark eyes shining. "You just need to relax. It'll be fun." 

The sane, rational part of your brain is screaming, yelling, begging for you to run out of the room. Anybody with half a brain could decipher that the sensible thing to do in this situation would be to flee, grab a weapon, and call the police. Yet, here you are, lying still, the woman's words ringing in your ears. Fun. It's been a long time since you've had fun. You can't even remember the last time you've gotten remotely close to it. And, as if she was sent from above, here was a beautiful, mysterious woman, offering it to you on a platter. You can't help but be a bit curious. Curious about the strange, magical feeling that's coursing through your veins.

 Plus, your body is aching for touch, and the idea of sleeping with a beautiful woman is incredibly tempting, especially in your state. It's been months since you've had sex.

The woman takes a step closer, and your stomach does a flip. This is stupid. It's dangerous, and stupid, and it would be so easy to say no. 

"You won't hurt me, right?" You ask, a nervous edge creeping into your voice.

"You'll enjoy every second we spend together," she says, her eyes stroking over you. Her gaze is so intense, her voice so soothing, all you want is to please her. You don't think. You no longer have the ability to.  Your desire is too strong.

"What are you going to do?" you ask, the words tumbling out of your mouth.

"That depends on you," she says, her fingers brushing the edge of the duvet. "What would you like me to do?"

You look into her dark, all-consuming eyes, and shiver. Your blood feels like it's on fire.   "I—um—whatever you had in mind." 

Her eyes narrow, her lips curling up into a smirk. She leans in, her warm breath ghosting your lips. You can smell her perfume, the scent of vanilla and lavender assaulting your senses.  

Your heart beats fast, and you can't help the small whimper that escapes your throat.

"Are you sure?" she says, her voice low. "You don't know what you're getting yourself into."

She's right. For all you knew, her idea of fun could include a knife and a casket. But you couldn't bring yourself to care, not when she's looking at you like that. 

"I don't care," you say, your voice hoarse. "Do whatever you want with me."

The corners of her lips curl upwards, and her eyes twinkle with mischief.  "Okay," she whispers, her voice soft and sweet.

She leans forward, her lips ghosting yours. You hold your breath, anticipating her next move. Her hand moves up to cup your cheek, her thumb rubbing small circles on your skin that send a tingle down your spine. You lean into the touch, and her smile widens. She tilts her head to the side, and presses a kiss to the corner of your lips. The contact is soft, tender, and sweet. Her lips are warm, and the touch is brief, but enough to ignite the flames within your veins. You gasp, moving your head to try to capture her lips with yours, and she chuckles, pulling away.

"You're so impatient," she says, her eyes gleaming. "Desperate, even."

Embarrassment creeps up on you, and you flush, averting your gaze. She laughs again, and grabs your chin, forcing you to look at her.

"Don't hide from me," she whispers, her voice soft. "There's nothing wrong with wanting something."

With her words, the fire within you flares, and the embers within your belly burst into an inferno. Your whole body is burning, yearning, and you can't help the sigh that escapes your throat. She hums, staring at you with her piercing gaze. You've never felt this exposed, so vulnerable, so completely bare in front of another person, and you are still partially clothed. She seems to be studying you, taking in every detail, memorizing the expressions on your face. She's looking at you like you're prey, a feast, and it should scare you, should make you tremble, but it doesn't.

"Kiss me," you murmur, and she obeys.

You let out a small gasp, and her lips curve into a smile against yours as you make contact. Your eyes flutter shut, and the warmth of her mouth almost sends you spiraling. The feeling is electric, like a bolt of lightning, and it sets every nerve ending within your body alight. Her tongue glides along your bottom lip, and you part them willingly, allowing her all of the access she desires. Her tongue is warm, and wet, and her kisses are intoxicating. She tastes sweet, like strawberries and vanilla, and you can't help but moan.

She pulls away, prompting an involuntary whimper from you."Is this what you wanted, y/n?"

"Yes—uh," you stop yourself, realizing that you still don't know her name. 

"Bada," she supplies, as if reading your mind. She places a hand on your chest, and gently pushes you back onto the bed, her gaze locked on yours. You fall onto the mattress, your eyes wide.

"Bada," you repeat softly, tasting the name on your lips. Pretty. 

She smiles and slips the blankets off of you. The cool air hits your skin, sending goosebumps along your arms and legs. You suck in a sharp breath, and her eyes rake over you, drinking in the sight.

"Beautiful," she whispers, her fingers tracing up your thigh. 

She leans down to press a gentle kiss on your jaw. Her lips travel down your neck, and she bites at the sensitive skin, hard. A moan slips from your mouth, and she sucks and licks at the spot, soothing the sting. Her hand trails up the inside of your thigh, and her fingertips graze the band of your underwear. You arch your back, yearning for her touch.

"Please," you whimper again, and she giggles. 

"At least you're polite," she says, biting down on your neck again. 

Her teeth scrape against your skin, and you gasp, grabbing a fistful of her hair. You pull her closer, desperate to remove any shred of distance between the two of you. She groans, her nails digging into your thigh, her touch searing hot. She sucks at the tender skin below your collarbone, and you whine, heat pooling between your legs. It was a little humiliating, getting so worked up despite the fact that she's barely done anything, but it was hard not to when she's touching as if she wants nothing more than to devour you. 

"So impatient," she purrs, her eyes gleaming. "So needy."

She kisses the mark she made on your neck, and you squirm, the pressure between your thighs growing. 

Her fingers move higher, ghosting over your underwear, and you writhe under her touch, letting out a frustrated groan. She pulls away, a smirk on her lips.

"Something wrong?"

"You're fucking with me," you hiss, and she laughs out loud. 

"Your impatience is cute," she says, her fingers brushing against the sensitive skin on your neck, pausing where your heartbeat pulsed, right beneath your jaw. "Can't help it." 

You watch as she moves her hand away from your neck, back to your underwear. Her fingers slip under the band of your panties, already dark and wet, and she runs them through your folds, spreading your already abundant slickness.  You couldn't stand that you were so clearly proving her point about how needy you were, giving her more to make fun of you about, but how could you not be? It's been too long. and you don't know if it's ever felt this good this early on.  

Your head falls back onto the pillow, and your hands clutch at the sheets, desperate for purchase. The feeling of her thumb brushing against your clit makes your hips buck up, and she pulls away to pull down your panties.

You shiver, the cool air hitting your exposed skin. She grabs your thighs, spreading them apart, and the anticipation nearly kills you on the spot.

"So pretty," she says, her voice filled with wonder.

She looks up at you, her eyes darker than before. She holds your gaze, and without breaking eye contact, ducks her head, and swipes her tongue along your slit.

A moan escapes your lips, and your back arches, your fingers threading through her hair. Her tongue moves in circles, and you feel her hands grasp at your thighs as you inadvertently try shut them close around her head. She spreads them further apart, and presses her mouth against your center, sucking on the bundle of nerves.

"F—fuck," you moan, your head thrown back, eyes shut.

She moans into you, the vibrations causing pleasure to erupt inside of you. You grip the sheets, the fabric crumpling underneath your fingers. She pulls away, and your eyes fly open, only to meet her intense gaze.

"Watch me," she whispers, her voice husky.

Your eyes snap to her face, and she smiles, her fingers trailing down your stomach. You squirm under her touch, and she grips your thighs, her eyes locked on yours. Her staring does something to you, makes the goosebumps rise on your skin, a funny feeling arise in your stomach. She presses her lips against the inside of your thigh, her eyes not leaving yours.

She slips a finger inside of you, and you gasp, the sudden intrusion causing a wave of pleasure to wash over your body. She curls her finger, and you arch your back, the friction driving you crazy.

"That's it," she purrs, adding another finger.

You throw your head back, moaning as she begins to thrust her fingers, moving in a steady rhythm. You clench around her fingers, and her eyes widen, a mischievous glint shining in her irises. You bite your lip, the pressure building, and she smirks, increasing the pace of her movements. She crooks her fingers, hitting a sensitive spot inside of you. 

"Fuck," you cry out, and her lips curl upwards, pleased.

She leans forward, her lips capturing yours, her tongue invading your mouth. She swallows your moans, and you can feel her smiling against your lips. She pulls away, and rests her forehead against yours, her dark eyes boring into yours.

"Are you going to come for me, y/n?"

"Y-yes," you whimper, and she laughs, her hot breath fanning against your cheek.

She thrusts her fingers faster, and her thumb rubs against your clit, sending waves of pleasure throughout your body. Your breaths come out short and quick, and your head spins, the room spinning.

"Come on," she whispers, her voice low and sultry.

The pressure builds, and you can feel the edge coming. You gasp, your eyes shut, and your whole body tenses up, the pleasure rippling through your body. You let out a string of curses, and she slows her movements, riding out the aftershocks. 

"That's it," she murmurs, her fingers leaving your core.

She trails her fingers up your torso, and leans down, her lips hovering above yours.  

"Open up," she commands, her voice taking on a deeper cadence that makes you immediately obey. She pushes her fingers inside of your mouth, and your tongue dances around her digits, tasting yourself, a musky flavor that leaves you feeling lightheaded. She hums and removes her fingers, a trail of saliva connecting her digits to your mouth.

"Good." she whispers, her breath tickling your cheek.

Your eyes flutter shut, and your head spins. You're exhausted, and you almost feel as if you're about to pass out, but her praise and proximity sends a thrill through you, your heart fluttering at her words. She presses another soft kiss to your lips, allowing you to taste yourself on her tongue. She pulls away, a lazy smile on her face. 

Through your exhaustion, you manage to meet her gaze again, and you nearly gasp. Her pupils had swollen, the dark brown of her eyes merely a slim ring around a black void, devoid of any color. You swallow hard, a slight panic rising within you as you suddenly remembering the reality of the predicament you're in. Or, was it even reality? 

"W—what's happening?" you stutter, the words tumbling from your mouth.

She grins, and you realize for the first time that her teeth are razor sharp, looking as if they could tear your flesh to shreds.

"I'm taking care of you, that's what's happening, silly." she says, her voice taking on a sing-songy quality. Her hand trails down your side. "And I'm not quite finished, yet."

She leans down and captures your lips in another kiss so rough that it nearly bruises. You're still dizzy, the blood pumping through your veins, and your head still feels as if it's full of cotton. As soon as her hands meet your skin, your exhaustion and worry disappear, replaced by euphoria. She reaches under your shirt, her fingers dancing along your torso, and you moan, your mind foggy. You can't help the small sounds that escape from your lips as she touches you, her fingers tracing every curve, every angle, committing every inch of your body to memory. Soon, your top is tossed to the side, and her hands are exploring your bare skin. Her fingers run up your spine, and you shiver, goosebumps forming. She pulls away, and a whine falls from your lips, a sound that causes her to laugh.

"So easy to please," she teases.

"Sh-shut up," you protest weakly. 

Suddenly, she grabs you by the waist, pulling you into her lap with an ease that catches you off guard. You're stunned into silence, and she wraps her arms around you, enveloping you in a tight embrace. You let out a yelp, and her nails dig into your skin, the sting making you bite back a groan. She places her chin on top of your shoulder, and her hands move lower, settling on your hips. She squeezes and forces your hips into a grind, her thigh meeting the apex of your legs. Your eyes flutter shut, a wave of heat pooling between your legs, a warmth filling the pit of your stomach, a small moan escaping your lips. She chuckles, her breath tickling the back of your neck.

"Fuck," you choke out, the embarrassment clear in your tone as you continue to your center against the smooth skin of her thigh.

"You're funny," she murmurs with a smile, and presses a kiss on your cheek. 

A blush creeps onto your cheeks, and you hide your face, burying it into her neck. You inhale deeply, her scent filling your nose. She still smells so sweet, like dessert, and you want to lick her, devour her, but instead, you press your lips to her skin, and she moans, gripping your hips hard enough to leave a mark.

"God, you're so beautiful," she whispers, her nails digging into your hips. "So, so pretty."

You moan, the heat between your legs intensifying. Her words go straight to your core, and you can't help the small, high-pitched whine that leaves your mouth, a sound you'd be ashamed of if not for the fact that you can't think, can't focus, can't even process her words.

One of her hands slips around your waist, grabbing at the bare flesh of your ass. Your breath hitches, and she pulls you closer, her mouth finding the spot on your neck that drives you wild. Her teeth scrape against your skin, and her tongue laps at the hollow of your collarbone, the sensation eliciting a loud moan. You tilt your head, allowing her access, and her mouth moves downward, to your breast, her tongue circling one of your nipples. Your eyes squeeze shut, the tension in your abdomen mounting. It was overstimulating, her thighs, the way her tongue felt against you, the way her fingers squeezed at the flesh of your ass, the way her hands explored the planes of your body, and it was all too much. 

"I'm gonna—" you start, and her hand moves between your legs, pressing her fingers against your throbbing clit. 

You let out a cry, the orgasm hitting you hard, the intensity somehow stronger than before. Her fingers slide easily against you, and you clench around her, the waves of pleasure washing over your body.

She lets out a soft sigh, and she pulls away, her black eyes meeting yours. You don't care enough to feel frightened this time though, being so flooded with exhaustion that you collapse back onto the bed, barely able to keep your eyes open. Sharp, short breaths escape from your lips, and a numbness starts to spread throughout your limbs, a strange calm settling over your body that you've never felt before. Somewhere in the back of your brain, alarm bells are going off, but they're drowned out by a heavy sleepiness that takes over you. 

"Go back to sleep, Y/N." she says, her voice distant, muffled. "It's alright."

You can feel the weight of the world bearing down on your shoulders, and the bags under your eyes seem to grow heavier and darker with every passing second. It has been a very long time since you were last able to sleep properly. You wanted to talk to Bada more, but you can feel yourself beginning to lose control, your mind going blank and your muscles becoming weak. 

"Bada..." you mumble, her name rolling off your tongue.

Before you can further speak, the darkness seeps into your mind, and you allow yourself to succumb. But, the feeling that accompanies you into sleep is an uneasy one, a cold sensation wrapping itself around your body like a snake squeezing the life out of its prey. 

"Good night," Bada whispers, the words echoing in the darkness, the sound fading into nothingness. 

[vvenus-child]

❀ an: my first Dean x Reader fic! this was a wild dream I had last night where I could just feel his angst of being ignore by his girlfriend-not-girlfriend. I hope you like it! I post on Ao3 too, mostly Dramione and original works. Here is the link. Feel free to DM me ideas to write down too! ❀ tags: Dean Winchester x Reader; NSFW (just a bit); Angst; Hurt/Comfort

Sam was waving at you from the driver's seat of a rental car. Something inside of chest pinched a bit for not seeing Dean's Impala waiting for you. Your feelings for him were so obvious, pathetic even.

"Hey! How was the hunt?", Sam asked when you closed the door. As usual you two made conversation for most of the ride before falling in comfortable silence. It was mostly like this with him. Sam was a easy person, someone people felt comfortable to share your or to stay in silence.

"Have you talked to him? Is he okay?", you asked sheepishly. The question was hanging in your head since the minute you left the bunker to hunt. Your heart felt tight, your throat sore and dry every time you thought about Dean. Most of it was embarrassment for not being able to contain your feelings, always seeking to be close, to take care of him somehow. But what was love if not the desire to see them happy? What was love if not seeking their happiness by being anything they needed you to be?

Sam laugh's cut your self pity session. He glanced at you in the corner of his eyes, side smile playing in his face like he was a joke you weren't part of.

"You gonna tell me you two didn't talk for the last weeks? He didn't call every night to bitch about how you were taking too long or how I'm never able to make coffee right? Really?", he said shaking his head.

His question caught you off guard for a moment. Frowning at him you took a minute to try and understand.

"No?", the weird assumption really didn't make sense, at least not when it came to Dean. You were the one that initiated the conversations. You were the one that always made sure small things like his coffee or his whiskey never ran out at the bunker. You were the one gravitating towards his presence in the room. So to think he would make the effort to call you, or even miss you, was a wild idea by far.

"Come on!", Sam snorted this time. "You two seem glue by the hip, it's impossible."

"Dean would even notice if I didn't said a word to him", you let out without thinking.

"Yeah, like you two don't spend time alone behind everyone's back"

The memories of the nights spent together, the moments you almost thought he was about to do something flashed in your mind. You couldn't almost smell his scent, hear his laugh, listen to his voice grave sharing bits of his life in the dark of his room when no one else was there to hear but you.

This was becoming ridiculous and painful. You tried to pretend, but it was not useful with Sam. He had a reason for being the one that they used to pry information out of people at hunts. Sam's damn eyes always made people break.

"You know this thing is one sided, so please stop with the jokes. It makes me feel more stupid than usual".

"It's not a joke", he said while parking the car. Sam turned to you with a raised hand. "I'll bet you 100 bucks that if you ignore him for the next few days, he will lose it."

You looked at the extended hand with caution. Right. 100 bucks. To prove your point, which was something you love to do and to stop being pathetic. Easy money. You took the bet without thinking twice. Maybe try to purge this feelings out of your system with a bit more of self respect was just the thing you needed.

You left the pie you bought for him at the trash can before going down to the bunker. Maybe this was going to be fun.

Dean heard the door open with a creak when Sam had finally came back. Behind him, you followed with a smile while saying something.

"Did you bring the pie I asked, Sam?", Dean shouted from the table. He was trying to find this lore about a sea creature that lured man but, supposedly, wasn't a mermaid because the bodies would be found on the shore with their blood drained. A great combination of little mermaid and Edward-fucking-Cullen.

Dean's eyes glanced to you carrying a huge bag over your shoulders. It had been weeks since you left. It was normal to not call during small hunts, but he still felt a bit uncomfortable to not have a single call. It was such a chore to make a phone call or even leave a voicemail every now and then? Just to make sure you were alive?

He opened his mouth to complaint just as you passed right through directly to your bedroom. No hello, hi, how are you, but still laughing at some joke he was not privy to. No tales about how it went, no nothing. That really bothered him for a reason he couldn't pin down. You didn't owned him a explanation, not at all, but it was basic courtesy - in his mind at least.

"Is she okay?", Dean asked Sam who, to anyone's surprise, didn't bring the goddamn pie but seemed to not have forgotten his own rabbit food.

Sam made a fake surprised face that showed him knew something was up.

"I don't know? She was just telling me how the hunt went. Maybe she is tired?"

Dean decided to let it go. He was already pissed about the pie and you acting weird was just the icing on top.

A few days later, Dean couldn't shake the feeling you were avoiding him. At breakfast you only talked and smiled to Sam or answered Dean's questions when directed at you - always with a brief phrase or a dismissive nod. You weren't being rude or down right ignoring him, not at all. Still felt like Dean was nothing but a small fly in your radar or someone you only noticed when he opened his mouth. The easy smiles you two had, the late night conversations, the shared beers, everything, seemed to be gone. It bothered him. It bothered him a lot.

Growing up Dean hadn't felt jealous of Sam most of the times. The kid was his to raised and take care of, especially when Sam's and John's fight got too heated. He had given his life for his brother and would so again in a heartbeat.

But right now he wanted to punch his face so hard his nose would touch the wall behind his back. The fucker knew what was going on and didn't let a pip out of his mouth to help. "She seems normal to me, Dean" this or "Stop being a freak, she didn't not ignore you" that.

The three of you were hunting the vampire-mermaid thing at Fremont Beach a little bit more that 12 hours from the bunker. The change in scenario did nothing to help Dean's situation and, if anything, it worsened. Usually in ride you would offer to drive, in which Dean would deny and say he was fine. This time you only offered to change when Sam was driving. You didn't even complaint about the music, for God's sake.

Dean's breaking point was the way you flirted a bit too much with the waiter at the dinner, an younger stupid college student who was all smiles for you. He didn't even had a beard. Not even a shadow of it. It was ridiculous.

"So what's the matter? You can talk to Mr. Just Came In My Pants but not to me?", Dean asked outright with his jaw clenching so hard his teeth were about to break. Sam chocked loudly with his coffee, while you just looked at him with wide eyes and mouth half open.

"I think I need to smoke a cigarette", Sam said getting up from the table.

Dean didn't let his gaze out of your face, anger boiling inside.

"You don't fucking smoke! Your brother lost his mind and you leave me?", you spoke in a loud whisper.

"I do now", Sam said already at the doors.

Dean waited for a answer. Your eyes, finally looking at his after weeks, blinked so much that he thought the question would've broke.

"I'm speaking to you, we are having this insane conversation right now. I don't know what you are talking about", you said coldly.

The warm feeling spreading in his chest hinted at something Dean didn't to explore. The jealousy, the anxiety about what was going on, all those were feelings he absolutely didn't want to explore. He just missed your company so much. Dean always felt something was wrong with him, something lacking, but when he was with you this feeling lessened. He felt worthy, he felt seen. John never sat down to talk to him, to spend time with him. Sam ran away the first chance he got. Mary... Mary was a whole other can of worms that he didn't want to open. He had Lisa and other people in his life, but they weren't like you. You two were made in the same cloth. The same strong material that would cover loved ones, would protect them. Same shitty childhood, same fuck-up parents. You were the one he shared his life with at all times, good or bad. More than friends or lovers or anything people would use to describe. Dean could point the term to save his life but you were his and the silent was slowly killing him more than any monster would.

"It was something I did?", he asked in a whisper. He jaw clenched in tension, voice raspy and sore from untold words.

Your eyes ran to the window for a second and he was ready to beg for them to come back. When you looked at him again they were filled with caution, your lips pursed in a way he knew you were choosing words carefully. If Dean didn't know you, he could've missed the pain there. Could've missed the blush in your check's or the way your bottom teeth bit your lower lip in worry.

"Because it's pathetic, isn't? The way I was all in your life, hanging around the edges waiting for crumbs of your attention. Waiting until the day you would notice me or how I feel. Even Sam, who is the most subtle person I know, mentioned it. So no, it's not something you did, it's something I did all the time and it needed to stop for both of our sake."

The weight of your explanation took a second to sink in. All that Dean tried to push down was now in the clear, finally acknowledged one of you two. He wanted to go over the table and kiss your lips, kiss you until the wasn't any air between you two. He wanted to act on the burning sensation he always felt when you got too close. He thought back to all those nights in the bunker, when it was late and both of you were just a bit pass tipsy and going on drunk and his eyes would linger longer on your lips or the curve of your neck. Dean thought back to the first time he saw you covered in blood, not yours but someone else's, and his cock got so hard he had to stroke himself twice just to get rid of the image.

"That's what you think?", was all he let out for a moment. "That you hang around the edges of my life?" Dean ran his hand over his lower face in frustration.

Your sarcastic laugh sounded so bitter to his ears.

"It's not what I think, it's what it is", you looked at him in defeat. "I love you and I don't care if you don't like me the same way. I know you care for me in some extend, of course, and I content to see you happy and being your friend or what you need at the moment. But maybe I needed a little time to settle my feelings", you shrugged.

He wanted to break something out of frustration. He could feel the anger burn his veins. All those days, running scenarios, trying to find the reason why this bothered him so much. The old self hate that steamed inside him late at night, his old company, making him formulate all the reasons he could've fuck up your... friendship? The word never felt right between you two. It was something else.

After a moment of silence Dean threw a couple bills at the table and took your hand, leading you both out the restaurant.

"What are you doing? Are you going insane?", you screamed trying to get out of his hold. He didn't let you go, however.

Dean searched with his gaze to see if Sam was around the car before throwing you inside and going right after. He pulled your hair in the back with a gentleness that didn't match the wild expression in his eyes.

"Look at me and listen carefully", he said between his teeth. The fire running thought his veins was even more intense now. Dean could feel your body under his branding him like iron. Your legs around his hips made his cock twitch with the slightness movement of your body. "You are not in the fucking edges. You are all around me. You are all I fucking see. If anything, everyone else is at the goddamn edge and you are in the damn center", he said each word getting closer and closer to your lips. He could smell your breath, something so yours that he couldn't find the correct word to compare. Dean swallowed hard before taking the last step.

His mouth closed down in yours making time stop. Dean groaned against your lips, biting down almost hard enough to break skin. He wanted to taste you, swallow you, in a manner that your being would never not be apart from his anymore. Your hands went up to his neck pulling him closer, trying to breach the barrier of clothes between your bodies.

"Please...", you begged against him, grounding your cunt against his cock. It was deliciously painful to have your body so pliant under him. Having you beg for his touch, a needy expression on your face.

"Shh...", he cooed, "I know... I know".

Dean's hand went down your neck stroking your skin until he got to your breasts, pinching your nipple with just the right pressure. His tongue stroked your lips in a slow, deliberated movement, tasting like starved man.

"I finally get what I want, so you have to be a good girl and take it, alright?"

[yeoblurbs]

Why Won’t You Love Me

University AU

Pairing: Joshua x Female Reader - Angst with a happy ending, somewhat slow burn, rejected to friends to lovers

Synopsis: Despite the fact that Hong Jisoo has been cold to you from the start, you have only ever looked at him with heart eyes. Except lately it's been harder to pretend like you were fine with his aloof demeanor, and things get much worse when you overhear a conversation you were not supposed to, revealing how Joshua truly feels about you.

WC: 11.6k

Content/Warnings: Mentions of alcohol & drinking, curse words, toxic relationships with siblings, one scene of body shaming/food portion shaming, little bit of Hongjoong from Ateez, shua cries:(, he’s also unreasonable in the beginning, pov switches between yn & shua, Seungkwan is the best friend everyone needs, y/n is a cutie.

a/n: not edited and ending is rushed but yolo

When Hong Jisoo breaks your heart, it comes in a way that hurts more than anticipated.

the two of you shared close mutual friends, and yet, there was a distance that stopped you from becoming any closer. despite the fact that you were often around each other, it seemed as if Joshua did not want to get closer to you. things weren't necessarily awkward, but they certainly weren't comfortable. and that was something you craved immensely, comfort with the person you liked.

though you were not deterred easily. you would ignore the way his smile faltered the moment he saw you, and greet him the same as you would with the rest of your friends; a beaming smile with kind eyes. you would ignore the way he slipped out of conversations that you participated in, staring sadly at his retreating back each time.

and most of all, you ignored the way his genuine smile was never directed at you.

and perhaps you are to blame, for not taking the very obvious hint that Hong Jisoo did not like you. but you were always a little foolish when it came to love, even more so with Joshua. and while you're sure you could have gone months enduring his cold behavior towards you, it all comes to an end at Mingyu's birthday party.

you're getting dressed with Seungkwan, your best friend who knows how you feel about Joshua and your dilemma. He sighs as he lays on your bed, watching you through a frown as you try on your fifth outfit of the night. "Y/n, please, you look good in all of them! Just pick one so we can go." he whines.

you pout back at him, "I promise this is the last one! Be honest, how does it look?"

you're dressed in a tight black cropped tee and a black skirt that hugs your hips well, with sheer stockings underneath. you finish the look off with an oversized black leather jacket.

Seungkwan looks up, "Perfect! Now can we go please?" and you giggle sheepishly, feeling somewhat bad for your best friend.

"Okay, but quick, what about my makeup?" you walk closer and close your eyes, displaying your hard work.

Seungkwan scans your face quickly and flicks your forehead. "It looks good, don't worry."

you jump up and rub your forehead pouting, but happy with his approval.

the two of you leave soon after, and you sit in Seungkwans car feeling jittery at the thought of seeing Joshua tonight.

Seungkwan looks at your wringing hands and smiles softly, "What are you worried about? You know you look gorgeous, and I'll be there with you."

you look to your best friend and sigh as the corners of your lips tug downwards. “You make it sound so easy, but any time we hang out with everyone, Joshua refuses to even look at me." you turn to glance at your reflection in the window, "And even though you’re with me, and everyone else seems to like me just fine, I can't help but want him to like me and stay with me too."

Seungkwan pats your leg sympathetically before returning his hand to the wheel. "Honestly, I don't know why he acts like that either, but maybe tonight will be different. Maybe you'll catch his attention with that outfit you spent ten years choosing." you laugh at his teasing, feeling reassured enough as you see Mingyu's house come into view.

once parked, Seungkwan looks at you and grins encouragingly, "Ready?"

you look up at him nervous, yet determined.

"Ready."

the moment you walk in, you're bombarded with the intense smell of alcohol and sweat. a disgusting mix truly, but Mingyu was notorious for his grand number of friends, so you didn't expect anything about this party to be different.

you grab Seungkwans wrist gently, unnerved by the number of people everywhere.

"You're here! Welcome, Kwannie and Y/n" a booming voice comes, and you smile excitedly at Mingyu.

"Happy Birthday, Minnie!" you jump to hug him and he catches you with ease. you and Seungkwan engage in quick pleasantries with Mingyu as he gives you the rundown of where the beverages and snacks are located. The two of you hand your gifts to him before making your way through the crowd to grab a drink.

Seungkwan pours himself a cup as you opt for a water bottle; you are not trying to get shitfaced in front of Joshua tonight.

"Let's go find the others?" Seungkwan asks, and you nod in agreement, heading up and entering the room closest to the stairway.

you look around, eyes subconsciously searching for Joshua as you study the people sitting on the couch and standing off to the side.

"Y/n! Seungkwan, over here!" you hear someone shout and look to find Hansol, Jihoon, Soonyoung, Jeonghan, and oh, Joshua is there too.

Your stomach feels as if it's in knots as the two of you make your way over to them. you greet them one by one before your eyes land on Joshua.

you smile sweetly at him, “Hey.”

though all he does is nod back with a tight smile and look away. you try not to let his lack of a response affect you, but you're sure it shows on your face as Seungkwan quickly grabs your hand and drags you over to sit down.

when conversations begin to pick up, you try to engage in them happily, though your eyes often drift to Joshua throughout the night, and you feel defeated as he ignores your existence entirely despite participating in the same discussion.

you sigh and stare down at your feet before abruptly getting up; your friends turn to you, and you quickly put on an easy smile looking at everyone but Joshua.

"I'm gonna go get a drink, I don't think this water is going to get me through tonight." you say with an easy grin. they all nod in understanding, though Seungkwan pulls your wrist before you leave.

his wide eyes scan your face, "Do you want me to come with you?"

you shake your head, patting his hair and forcing yourself to smile once more. "I'm okay, I'll be right back, promise."

Seungkwan looks worried, but he lets you go with a reminder. "Call me if you need anything, okay?"

you nod, chuckling at his protectiveness as you walk away.

you exhale softly once you're far enough, allowing the sadness you've felt throughout the night to finally show on your face. with a frown, you pour yourself a drink, though you dilute it with some of your water to ensure you don't end up drunk. you take a sip, shoulders sagging at the subtle bitter taste, and head back up toward the boys. except upon reaching the room, you see a pretty girl in your seat.

but that isn't what bothers you, no, it's the way she's engaging in a conversation with everyone else, Joshua included. your chest hurts when you watch Joshua smile and nod at her, eyes sparkling in genuine interest; something you wish he would do with you. you want to run away and isolate yourself in a corner, but you promised Seungkwan you would be back.

you bite your lip and force a cheerful smile on your face as you walk toward them, choosing to stand behind Seungkwan and lean on him since your seat was occupied. Jihoon sees you standing and moves to get up, but you shake your head and urge him to sit back down.

When Seungkwan looks up at you though, his brows furrow and you know you aren't hiding your hurt very well. He stands up beside you and grabs your wrist before turning to your friends, "We're gonna go get some air, we'll come back in a bit." Seungkwan wastes no time dragging you toward the empty balcony.

"What's up? Did anything happen when you went to get a drink? Did anyone bother you?" he asks worriedly, eyes scanning you for any injuries and you quickly shake your head, moving to hug him. "It's not that, nothing happened. I just..."

you sigh into his shoulder, "I don't mean to overreact, but it's so obvious he hates me at this point. Did you see how he was looking at that girl?" you look up to Seungkwan with a sad smile, "I tried so hard to get his attention, not only with this outfit but every time I speak he just won't look my way. But he seemed to like her just fine."

Seungkwan pats your head, and you continue to ramble, "Clearly, the problem is me. At this point, I would rather just hear him reject me." you finish dejectedly.

Seungkwan sighs at your defeated tone.

"Listen, I can't excuse the way he's been acting even if he is my friend. He's being an ass, even if he doesn't like you, you haven't done anything to him for him to treat you that way."

he smiles at you encouragingly, "But, I think you should talk to him about this."

you look at him incredulously, and he laughs at your expression, "Just listen!"

you cross your arms and deadpan. "Okay, I'm listening."

Seungkwan grins gently at you, "I just think if you pulled him aside and forced him to speak with you, he might just be honest and tell you why he's acting that way. There must be a reason, and I think he might tell you if you ask." and though the thought of speaking to Joshua alone and confronting him sounds absolutely terrifying, you figure Seungkwan has a point; maybe there was a logical reason behind his behavior. maybe he would tell you if you asked.

your heart feels lighter at the notion, and you find yourself smiling at Seungkwan as you jump into his arms, "Thank you. For listening to me and the advice and overall just being the best friend ever." you murmur into his shoulder. He pats your back, and you can hear the smile in his voice.

"What else are best friends for, dummy."

ꕥ

and so, with a newfound mindset, the two of you head back to your friends. upon reaching the room, you find the door is closed. Seungkwan moves to open it, before you hear the conversation taking place inside.

"Dude, you have to just tell her soon. I feel so bad when I see her try to get your attention just to see you ignore her." Soonyoungs muffled voice says, and you pull Seungkwans arm away from the knob as you step closer to the door.

"Soonie is right, Joshua. You've put it off for too long now. She's already friends with everyone, there's no getting rid of her and you know one of these days she'll start crying." Jeonghan adds on, and you feel your hands shake as you begin to put the puzzle pieces together on just who they are talking about.

Seungkwan is silent beside you, and the two of you stand still when Joshua speaks. "I know, I know. But... it's so hard." you can hear him exhale tiredly, "She technically hasn't done anything wrong, so I feel guilty that I don't like her. How am I supposed to tell her she makes me uncomfortable with just her presence?" he asks desperately.

Jihoon is quick to respond rationally, "Well, you don't say it like that. You just have to tell her that you can tell she likes you, and while you are flattered, you would appreciate it if she toned her admiration down since it makes you uncomfortable. That's completely valid, Joshua."

A tear slips down your cheek as you take a step back, though you're still close enough to hear Hansol’s voice; you hadn't known that many of your friends were aware of Joshua's discomfort with you, and the realization hurts more than you care to admit. “Just make sure you tell her sooner than later. She looked really hurt when you didn't spare her one glance the whole night but then saw you took interest in Dami."

and if you weren't humiliated before, you certainly were now.

you feel Seungkwan grab your wrist gently, pulling you towards him for comfort, but before you can appreciate the gesture, you hear Joshua speak, wedging a knife into your heart once more.

"I'll see if I can tell her soon. It's just kind of annoying to me, y'know? I have never given her the impression that I like her, so I don't understand why she insists on pushing me so much. She bakes me stuff, stares at me whenever we're all together, and makes me feel like I have to be close with her to not hurt her feelings."

he's silent for a moment before adding the final blow to your heart. "I wish she would just take the hint and leave me alone."

but you've heard enough now; you wipe your cheek and gently shake Seungkwan off before placing your hand on the knob and opening the door. you don't look at your friends' faces, though you can see their mouths open in shock in your peripheral vision. you strut straight towards Joshua, heels clicking as you walk before you stop in front of him.

you observe his pretty parted lips, the way his eyes glimmer when the light hits them just right, and the fact that the boy in front of you who has just shattered your heart is someone you have liked for quite a while.

he opens his mouth, looking to say something, but you didn't think you could handle hearing him speak any longer.

"I'm sorry." you blurt out softly.

"I... you were right, I did like you from the start, and I tried to show it in ways like baking for you and trying to talk to you whenever I had the chance." your voice rings in the quiet room, and the muffled music coming from downstairs makes your head spin.

"I didn't know I made you uncomfortable with my presence, I never would've acted the way I did had I known." your throat hurts and you wish to cry, but as you stand in the middle of the room with your friends and crush looking at you, you hold your tears back.

"I am so incredibly sorry for inconveniencing you all these months. I thought that even though you seemed uninterested, I just had to work a little harder to make you like me, even just as a friend." you smile bitterly as you look into Joshua's widened eyes. "I understand now though, so you won't need to put up with me anymore. I'm sorry that being around me was so hard for you." your voice is laced with heartbreak though it is firm.

you look around at your mutual friends in the room, smiling disappointedly at them, "Well, I'll leave you all to it then. Have a good night, guys."

and with that, you walk out, past Seungkwan, and finally allow the overwhelming amount of tears out.

that night, you wait for Seungkwan in his car while he comes up with an excuse to tell Mingyu, as you two were leaving quite early.

and once you're home, showered, and makeup-free, you lie in bed and stare up at the ceiling. you spiral at the thought of Joshua disliking you all along, and you wonder how many of your friends stood there and watched you make a fool out of yourself each time. it feels suffocating; the knowledge that you have been nothing but a pitiful burdensome girl to Joshua and your friends for so long.

but after tonight, you know you need to change.

and so, while on the brink of falling asleep, you make a promise to yourself to never bother Hong Jisoo again; it would be as if you didn't exist, just as he wanted.

your weekend consists of Seungkwan, Jun, and Minghao comforting you. the two had attended the party as well but arrived quite late so you were not able to catch them. Seungkwan updates them on the events that occurred, and while they feel angry with Joshua on your behalf, they are also upset with the rest of their friends who didn't clue you in on how he felt either.

you enjoy the company, however, and attempt to use those two days during the weekend to heal as much as you could; Minghao does some skincare with you, Jun helps you bake a batch of comfort cookies and Seungkwan convinces you to dye some of your hair as the cliche heartbroken people normally do.

and though it all helped immensely, you still feel unprepared at the thought of what Monday brings.

ꕥ

except when Monday arrives, everything feels anticlimactic. you attend class as usual, spend your break with Seungkwan, Minghao, and Jun, and attend your last lecture of the day before heading home. and that should be the end of it.

unfortunately for you, however, nothing is ever in your favor. while exiting the campus, you find yourself running into the last person you want to see; Joshua.

he’s standing a few meters away, back turned towards you while he talks to Jihoon and Hansol. you are not ready to face them, you realize. you move to turn around and find another way home, but Hansol spots you and waves awkwardly, causing Jihoon and Joshua to turn to you as well. you curse internally at his endearingly unsure smile and wave back tight-lipped.

you figure you might as well keep walking now that they’ve seen you. hiking your backpack higher on your shoulder, you make your way toward them. you know they’re all looking at you still, and the knowledge that Joshua has his eyes on you as well makes you want to crawl into a hole and hide for eternity.

you’re not sure if they expect you to stop and greet them, but Jihoon greets you. “Hi, Y/n.”

you nod once in response with an empty smile before continuing to walk home.

while part of you wants to run back and greet the two and Joshua with a happy smile, you haven’t forgotten the promise you made to yourself to leave Joshua alone. and while that normally wouldn’t include your mutual friends, you’re still upset that they hid his immense discomfort from you for so long. you sigh, shaking your head to rid yourself of these thoughts and continue walking home; you would get over Hong Jisoo, you would make sure of it.

-

Joshua stares at your retreating back and hears Jihoon sigh. “Well, she’s definitely pissed at you and I, Hansol. I’ve never seen her look so unhappy with us.”

Hansol nods, face pinched, “I don’t blame her, I can’t imagine how she felt after hearing us talk about her like that.” he sulks, looking in the direction you walked in.

“I need to apologize, there’s no way I’m letting things stay the way they are.”

Jihoon pats his shoulder in agreement.

he glances at Joshua, “So, how did it feel finally getting what you want? Happy that she left you alone?”

Joshua frowns at him, unsure himself why he is not very happy, but decides there must be a reason. “Who knows, it feels too early to tell.” he dismisses, ignoring Hansol's narrowed eyes at his response.

he was probably in shock, he reasons. you’ve been consistent in his life for almost a year now, and despite the uneasiness that came with being in a friend group with you, Joshua was not used to your lack of attention. It’ll feel better soon, he tells himself; if only he knew how wrong he was.

-

you spot your friends again as you begin heading home, though this time they are without Joshua. you sigh before placing your headphones in your ears as you tune out the rest of the world. your eyes are still slightly swollen, courtesy of the humiliating situation you experienced just a few days ago at Mingyu’s party. you have yet to get over it, and the sight of your friends only worsens the heartache. you wonder when the pain will subdue.

you want to be at home, wallowing in self-pity in your bed; the thought makes you move to walk faster until someone grabs your arm. you turn around, jerking your arm with an annoyed expression, ready to tell off whoever grabbed you until you see Jihoon. you tug out your headphones as you press pause on your music.

“What can I do for you?”

Hansol beside him gulps as you take your time to observe him, Jihoon, Soonyoung, and Jeonghan. they all look extremely apologetic, and the sight does diminish some of your pain. some.

“We wanted to say we’re sorry.” Jihoon begins.

the wind blows softly on your face, a contrast to the raging emotions you feel inside of you. the unease you feel surrounded by people who used to make you feel so safe is saddening, but you know none of this is your fault.

Jeonghan moves closer, “There’s no excuse we can give you. We were shitty friends, and that was that. We should have told you about Shua earlier, or defended you. That was on us.”

you stay silent throughout the apology, not exactly pleased with them but willing to hear them out.

“Yeah, and we understand if you aren’t willing to forgive us right away. We’ll work for it.” Hansol interjects. the words sound sincere coming from them all, but you know you’ll need time before you can trust them again.

you nod, face expressionless as the rest of them begin to look dejected.

Soonyoung pouts, “I’m really sorry, Y/n. We all are. And as long as you’re okay with it, we’ll do our best to make it up to you.”

you press your lips together before sighing softly. “Do what you want, no promises that I’ll forgive you right away. You really fucked up and broke my trust.”

the rest of them nod with somber faces at your words, before you wave and begin to turn away, placing your headphones back in your ears. you knew you’d forgive them. it was simply a matter of time for you.

-

The next incident when Joshua sees you is on a Friday afternoon in the library. upon entering, his eyes immediately find you; clad in an oversized hoodie that looks much too cute on you, reading glasses perched on your nose, and your eyes trained on the book in front of you. you look like a dream.

Joshua blinks back to reality at the thought. you look like a nightmare, he corrects himself.

he sighs, choosing to focus on finding the book he needs, skimming through all of the genres and textbooks, unable to find the one for his Chemistry class. he approaches the front desk, speaking lowly to the librarian, “Do you know if the Chemistry 2L5 textbook is available?”

“One moment.” she responds quietly, clicking her keyboard to search for the availability.

she looks up to him with a shake of her head, “Sorry, it’s not available right now. If you’d like, I can add your name to the wait list?”

Joshua's lip juts out in a slight pout, and he is about to accept when someone places the exact textbook he needs next to him.

he looks up and his eyes find yours; you turn to the librarian, “I’d like to return this, please.”

she takes the book from the desk and glances at Joshua, “Looks like you’re in luck, I’ll sign this out for you now.”

he nods, surprised yet pleased, and moves to thank you, but when he looks to the side, you’re gone.

when Joshua walks home that evening, a dazed look in his eye and textbook in his hands, he thinks of you. he had always thought of you as a little too childish and pushy, but as he glances at the book in his arms, he realizes there may be more to you than he initially thought.

-

two weeks have passed since Joshua’s encounter with you in the library, and it is as if you do not exist- or rather, it is as if he doesn’t exist.

he should be celebrating, he should be comfortable; he should be happy. and yet, it feels like something is missing.

he sighs and collapses onto his bed. he doesn’t understand why you ignoring him is bothering him so much. but for someone who really liked him before, you sure are good at avoiding him now. he purses his lips, thinking of your past encounters- or lack thereof.

exhibit a.

Exiting his class, Joshua is startled when he hears Hansol’s honking laughter from across the hall. He chuckles quietly to himself as he walks over to Soonyoung and places a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey, what’s Hansol laughing his ass off about?” Soonyoung immediately clues him in, going on a tangent about some embarrassing situation that took place moments before.

except Joshua’s eyes dart to you, a few feet away from him, your arm entangled with Minghao’s. he tunes Soonyoung out, watching you glance at him before whispering something to Minghao and leaving without looking back. Joshua snaps out of his daze once you're out of sight and looks back up, noticing Minghao glaring at him.

Well, it seemed many of his friends were upset with him lately. he realizes he can’t blame them.

and of course, the avoiding didn’t end there.

exhibit b.

Joshua entered the popular cafe next to your campus during his break, knowing it was the group's go-to spot for lunch.

“Shua!” Hansol calls. he looks to the side and sees everyone at the corner table; including you.

Joshua motions to the front, “I’m gonna grab something real quick.”

Hansol gives him a thumbs up in response. Joshua orders a simple sandwich, quickly walking to the table, pulling out a chair and sitting down.

but as soon as he begins unwrapping his lunch, you rise from your chair.

“I actually have a class in 10, so I’ll see you guys later.” you announce, grabbing your bag and leaving with a wave.

Jihoon squints as he watches you leave the cafe, “I thought her class wasn’t for another hour.”

Jeonghan shrugs as he chews, “She probably doesn’t want to be around Shuji. We should give her the space she wants.”

The table is silent for a moment before Soonyoung breaks the awkward atmosphere and everyone speaks again.

Joshua, however, stares at his half-opened sandwich ignoring the conversations around him. suddenly, he did not have an appetite.

but once again, things didn't stop there, leading to:

exhibit c.

“So, who’s house are we meeting at for tonight?” Jun asks no one in particular.

Mingyu sighs dramatically, “Not mine, my place is still trashed as fuck from last week's party.”

Joshua internally rolls his eyes, Mingyu and his weekly parties.

“We can do mine? I’ll text Y/n and tell her we’re doing a movie night.” Minghao suggests, and everyone agrees. Joshua wonders if you’ll come, since you’ve made it your number one goal to not be in the same vicinity of him for the past three weeks. he bites his lip in anticipation, discreetly staring at Minghao typing on his phone as he texts you. he watches Minghao’s brows furrow and lips tug down before he sighs and clicks his phone off.

He lifts his head up, “Y/n can’t make it, but she said ‘Have fun and don’t watch a super scary horror movie or Seungkwan and Soonyoung won’t be able to sleep tonight.’” he giggles as he reads out the last part.

Soonyoung and Seungkwan stand up with matching pouts, yelling all kinds of nonsense but all Joshua can think about is how he’s ruined the entire friend group dynamic from his own stupidity. he wonders if things will ever go back to normal again.

-

another week has passed since you rejected their movie invite, and Joshua feels as though he is losing his mind. it has been well over a month since what occurred at Mingyu’s party, and nothing feels the same. he tries to convince himself that it’s guilt, but even he knows that what he feels goes deeper than that.

but today he can’t think about you; Juyeon, his brother, informed Joshua that he would be visiting tonight. and while lately you’ve been occupying his mind, he knows he has to focus on his brother unless he wants to get scolded.

he sighs for the umpteenth time, staring at the front door of his apartment and waiting to hear the bell. despite knowing it was going to come, he still flinches at the sound. Joshua rises to his feet and inhales deeply before opening the door.

“Hey, Hyung,” he says with a hesitant smile, ignoring the way Juyeon nods in response, face blank.

Juyeon removes his jacket and hands it to Joshua who obediently hangs it up, before sauntering over to the couch.

Joshua quickly takes a seat on the couch in front of him, “I ordered from your favorite restaurant, the food is on the table.” he speaks quietly.

Juyeon ignores what he has said and spreads his legs comfortably, “How have you been doing in school, Jisoo?”

Joshua swallows; suddenly his throat feels dry. “I’m doing well, I’m still at the top of all my classes." his voice is soft, gentle; weak. but he's always been weak when it came to his brother, and it has never gotten better with time.

Juyeon nods, face unreadable, "Okay, good. I expect you to email me your grades when they arrive. Don't disappoint me, Jisoo."

Joshua dips his head, face passive. "I won't, I promise." he stands up, holding his hands behind his back to hide the fact that they are shaking. "Let's eat? I'll get the food ready."

Juyeon nods once again, and Joshua is reminded of his hatred for his mannerisms; his inability to speak if it's not to scold him or ask about his grades.

Juyeon takes a seat at the table, posture straight and face confident as Joshua places the food for his brother first, and himself after.

Joshua is in the midst of placing food on his plate when Juyeon squints his eyes, looking at Joshua's portion. "You're going to eat all of that?" he asks unabashedly.

Joshua pauses, wide eyes looking at his brother as he nods slowly.

it was the wrong answer it seemed, as his brother frowns. "You may want to limit how much you're eating. I noticed as soon as I saw you that you've gained some weight." he dabs a napkin on the sides of his mouth before looking up at Joshua, "You need to keep in good health to take over the company when I'm too old."

Joshua ignores the way his eyes burn, nodding at Juyeon's words, and places half of the food on his plate back in the pot.

The rest of the night goes uneventful, with only a few snide remarks and insults thrown Joshua's way. but that is how it's always been with Juyeon, and Joshua hadn't expected anything different.

when Juyeon leaves, Joshua stands in his apartment alone with an empty stomach. his eyes crystalize with tears and he sniffles, wiping them half-heartedly. he decides to go on a walk, heedless of it being dark outside.

he doesn't know where he's going, but he walks, and walks, until his feet take him to a playground. It's empty, quiet, and dark; the perfect place to cry alone. so he does. he sits on a swing and cries, albeit softly.

he hates his stupid family, and his stupid brother, and the stupid company he has to take over. Joshua hates it all.

he doesn't know how long he sits there crying, but it must be a while as he suddenly feels cold. the night air brushes against his bare arms, goosebumps arising to the touch as he continues to sniffle.

"Um, are you okay?" a hesitant voice reaches out, and Joshua jumps at the sound.

they put their hands up in alarm, "Sorry, sorry! I've just been hearing you cry for the last ten minutes and I finally built the courage to just come and ask-" they step into the dimly lit yellow street light; it's you.

"-if you're okay..." you trail off, arms falling to your sides as you observe Joshua's appearance. Joshua on the other hand, feels horrified; someone he wasn't close to in the slightest caught him crying alone at a park in the middle of the night. he doesn't know what to say as he looks at you with wide teary eyes.

after a moment of staring at each other, you sigh and slowly step closer as Joshua continues to stare at you.

you take a seat on the swing next to him.

"So, what's got you so sad tonight? Did something happen, or was it a particularly sad movie?" you ask quietly.

Joshua certainly isn't in his right mind after all that has occurred in the past hours and decides to stop thinking rationally.

"You know of a movie that would make someone cry in the middle of the night at a park alone?" he asks with a watery smile, and you look back at him sheepishly.

"Not really, but I figured I would give you an out if you didn't wanna talk," you shrug. Joshua appreciates the sentiment.

the two of you sit in silence for another minute, until a harsh gust of wind causes Joshua to sneeze. your eyes dart to his bare arms as he sniffles, brows furrowing. "Dude, why would you leave the house without a jacket at this time?" you berate worriedly.

Joshua sulks when he looks at your concerned eyes, "I wasn't really... in the right state of mind." he whispers. you nod in understanding, before standing up and unzipping your oversized sweater.

Joshua watches you wearily as you walk over to him, stopping in front and bending down to his eye level, before gently placing your sweater around his shoulders. he stares into your eyes confused, but his shoulders sag as the feeling as warmth and comfort overtake his senses.

"Put your arms in, hurry up before you catch a cold." you remind, smiling when he listens and does as you ask.

he's missed your smile, he thinks.

he looks up at you once putting his arms in, and you nod in approval before gesturing to the zipper.

"You do it," Joshua says petulantly, and you look at him with an incredulous face before sighing in exasperation and doing as he asks. he is definitely going to be embarrassed when he wakes up tomorrow, but you've already seen him sob alone before this, so he figures his dignity can take one more hit.

you stand up when you're done, and Joshua murmurs a "Thank you," covering his face with his sweater-covered palms, enjoying the warmth it brings to his cold cheeks.

"I should get going, I'm really not trying to get kidnapped by going home any later than this," you say, and Joshua looks up, trying to ignore the pit of disappointment he feels at the knowledge you are leaving.

you smile faintly at him, "I'll see you around, Joshua. Don't worry about returning the sweater, you can just give it whenever you have the chance."

you turn to leave, until-

"Wait."

you turn back to him in confusion, and Joshua knows he needs to take this chance to make everything right; apologize, ask for forgiveness, and suggest starting over. you have been plaguing his mind for too long now, and after tonight, Joshua knows that he doesn't want to be strangers with you. he wants to get to know you as a person; as a friend, and to do that, he needs to apologize.

Joshua stands up, hands curling on the ends of his sleeves- your sleeves, "I... I just wanted to apologize." he starts, watching your brows furrow.

"For what?" you ask softly, sounding genuinely confused, and Joshua feels like the biggest asshole to exist.

"For everything!" he says frustrated.

"I... was so horrible to you from the start. I didn't even get to know you before I started disliking you, and it's been eating at me for the past month, but I regret every single thing I said that day." he bites his lip, sniffling, and stares at your feet, refusing to look at your face.

"You were never the problem, it was me. I think I got nervous that you liked me and were so forward, but that didn't mean you deserved to be ignored like that, or talked about behind your back." Joshua is breathless at the end of his apology, and he looks to see you staring at him with surprised eyes. "Um... you don't have to forgive me right away- or forgive me at all, of course! but, and I know this is a long shot, but if you were by chance open to it, I'd like to start over with you... as friends?" he finishes hesitantly, chest rising with each breath as he awaits your response.

when you seem to process everything he's said, you blink harshly and look into his eyes with a friendly smile, "Thank you for your apology, Joshua. It means a lot." you turn, starting to walk away.

Joshua's shoulders sag in defeat; he figures this was your wordless rejection to his proposal, until you turn back around.

"Sure though, let's start over!" you call out, voice echoing slightly in the silent neighborhood.

Joshua's eyes light up, smiling widely as he nods back at you.

that night, once Joshua is back in his apartment dressed in pajamas and drowning in the soft covers on his bed, he stares at the sweater on his desk with a giddy smile, shoving his face into his pillow with a happy noise.

he was so excited to see you tomorrow.

ꕥ

“So what, he apologized and you just forgave him?! just like that?” Seungkwan yells, looking at you as if you were crazy.

you giggle at his wide-eyed expression, “Yes, I did. It was a very genuine apology, okay?” but he shakes his head at you in response.

Minghao interjects from his place on your desk chair, “Lighten up, Kwannie. Y/n can make the decision for herself. I’m sure she knows better than us whether or not she can trust him,” he takes a bite out of the apple in his hand, “After all, she’s the one who he hurt the most. She would be more skeptical than us.”

Jun nods, “And I’m sure he won’t do anything like that again. Y/n ignored him for so long which clearly made him react.” he shrugs, moving to pat your head in comfort.

You smile at their responses, “Exactly! Don’t worry Kwan, I won’t get hurt again. I expect quite literally nothing from him.” while you are endeared by Seungkwan's overprotective behavior, you don’t regret forgiving Joshua. you know had you rejected his apology, you would’ve regretted it.

Seungkwan sighs, moving to hug you with a pout, “Okay, as long as you’re sure Y/nie.”

he grabs your face in front of his and squishes your cheeks, “Just promise me you’ll tell me if he does something again, I’ll beat him up!”

“Okay! I promise.” you remove his hands from your face laughing, before Minghao interrupts, “Beat him up with what muscles? You’re about as weak as they come.” he teases, but shuts up when Seungkwan levels him with a glare.

you giggle as they bicker, standing off to the side and watching them with Jun. you had told them part of what happened with Joshua. you just cut out the entire fact that he was sobbing uncontrollably, figuring it was a personal thing.

and so, things have changed once again.

the next time you see Joshua, he’s with the others. you greet them all with a cheerful grin, smile widening when Joshua waves at you and blushes. you assume he’s still embarrassed about last night, and though you should feel bad, you find his reddened cheeks look very cute.

“So! What are we doing for lunch?” you lilt, leaning your head on Minghao's shoulder.

he wraps his arm around you, "Nothing at this rate. These losers are still fighting over where to eat."

that was not the correct thing to say it seemed, as they began quarreling with him now. you sigh and clap your hands loudly, "Okay! Sucks for all of you, I'm choosing now, and I say we go to the cafe like we normally do."

the rest of them stay silent and agree begrudgingly, and you giggle as you step out of Minghao's arm and take the lead to walk there. you hear footsteps get closer to you, and turn assuming it is Seungkwan, until you look up and see Joshua.

you raise your eyebrows and smile, "Hi. You okay?"

Joshua presses his lips together and nods. you notice his cheeks are still a little pink. you bite your lip to stop yourself from grinning.

"Yeah, uh, the others didn't wanna go to the cafe at first because they wanted to try somewhere new, but we couldn't agree on a place." he rubs the back of his neck sheepish, and your stomach jumps slightly when you realize he's actually engaging in a conversation with you.

but you're not as nervous around him as you were before, the blissful innocent feelings you harbored for him have simmered down into a muted version of what was once so intense.

you nod understandingly, "Ah, I see. Too bad for them then." you shrug, and Joshua chuckles at your demeanor.

you arrive at the cafe and everyone goes to order their food. you take a seat right away, however, as you bought your lunch in the morning. you take it out of your bag, unwrapping it as someone takes a seat in the chair beside you. you look up to see the last person you'd expect; Joshua.

he promptly ignores your questioning face and unwraps his own lunch. "So, how were your classes, Y/n?"

you squint your eyes before shaking your head, “Good, good. except my first one, I got paired with someone I don’t really like, but it’ll be okay.”

Joshua is surprised, finding the idea that someone upset you so much you disliked them very shocking, “Oh, what did they do for you to not like them?” he asks curiously.

you open your mouth to respond, but the rest of your friends arrive with their own food. you smile at Joshua, “I’ll tell you another time.”

his bottom lip pushes out unintentionally, and you giggle as you look away from him.

the next thirty minutes consist of the familiar comforting atmosphere that existed between you and the others, before Minghao calls out to you from across the table.

“Y/n, Hongjoong was asking about you the other day.” he wipes his mouth as he speaks, arms folding on the table as he leans over. the table has quieted down, all eyes staring at you with raised brows.

you tilt your head, “Oh? What for?”

“I think he’s into you. He asked for your number, but I figured I’d ask before giving it out.”

Joshua shifts in his seat beside you, an uncomfortable look taking over his face. what was this deep pit he feels in his stomach? he frowns as he watches you smile shyly. “Ah, I see. I don’t know him that well, but you can give him my number.”

Joshua’s breath hitches at your words, and the rest of the table goes completely silent. you to look around in confusion as your cheeks puff out, “What?”

the ruckus picks up again, Hansol waving his hands awkwardly, “Nothing, nothing! We just didn’t know you were interested in dating right now.”

Joshua’s heart drops at the word. you were interested in dating? he wants to pout, why would you go out with this Hongjoong guy when you liked him just a little while ago?

“I’m not saying i’ll date him, I’m just saying you can give him my number and i’ll see where things go, that’s all!” you smile reassuringly, though all it does is make Hansol nod unconvinced.

Joshua knows the others are just as shocked as he is, especially since your feelings for him were not exactly a secret. but you giving your number to Hongjoong meant something has changed. either you wanted a new friend, or you’ve moved on from Joshua.

he finds the latter an upsetting thought.

ꕥ

“Who’s that?” Joshua asks, brows furrowed slightly as his eyes narrow.

Jun’s lips tug upward at the sight of Joshua’s face, “Hongjoong.”

Joshua’s head whips to Jun, “That’s him? He isn’t even her type!”

Jun chuckles at his friends’ words. “And who exactly is her type?” he leans his face closer, eyes mischievous, “You?”

“I never said that. I just meant she’s out of his league.” Joshua huffs, crossing his arms. Jun shakes his head at Joshua who is still burning stares into your back as you giggle at Hongjoong’s words.

what exactly was he saying that was so funny? Joshua could be funny too. why were you standing so close to him too? did he know a thing about personal space? Joshua doesn’t know what expression is on his face, but it must be comedic as Jun beside him bursts into giggles.

“If you like her, maybe you should just confess?”

Joshua splutters, “I do not like her! I’m merely…concerned for her well-being.”

Jun nods, rolling his eyes. “Uh huh, sure.”

there was no way he could like you. the two of you were only just getting to know one another properly! especially after the past events, Joshua was simply glad you accepted him as a friend. he could not like you now after rejecting your advances for so long as well.

“I’m serious. I do not like her.” Joshua stares at the glimmer in your eyes, the pretty color of your lips that stretch into a grin, and the way your hair falls perfectly around your face. “There’s no way I could possibly…”

but then his eyes dart to the man before you, eyes scanning the flirty smirk that is directed towards you as you tuck a lock of hair behind your ear. Hongjoong moves closer, arms wrapping tightly around your waist as you move yours around his neck, and Joshua bristles. when the two of you part, he exhales rather dramatically.

turning to Jun, Joshua presses his lips together. “Okay. Maybe I like her.”

Jun cackles, lips curving into a grin, “Yeah, I could tell.”

Joshua looks at his friend, expression hopeless, “Fuck. What do I do?”

-

“I refuse! I reject you! Not even in one thousand years!”

Seungkwan grabs a couch pillow and chucks it at Joshua as he hides behind Jihoon. Minghao is trying to calm Seungkwan down, pulling at his arm gently but all Seungkwan does is glare harder at Joshua from across the room.

“You can’t like her now! You had your chance, you fucked up and now she’ll date Hongjoong and you can suffer!” Seungkwan laughs wickedly at Joshua’s fear, and he can hear Hansol’s barely contained giggle from the corner of the room as well.

Jihoon intervenes calmly, “Kwannie, that’s not your choice to make. Y/n can decide for herself. Joshua just wanted to tell you because you’re her best friend and you mean a lot to her.”

Seungkwan pouts, cheeks puffing out cutely as he falls rather dramatically onto the couch. “Yeah well, you should’ve seen her the night your best friend Joshua said she makes him uncomfortable to a bunch of people she thought were her friends.”

the room quiets at that, Jihoon not exactly having a response as even he knows the night of Mingyu’s party was something that impacted you and your friendship with most of them.

“Listen…” Joshua stands up, hands falling from Jihoons shoulders as he moves to the side. “I fucked up. I know, I admit it, okay?”

Seungkwan crosses his arms, head tilting up as he listens.

“But I’m really trying here, Kwannie. I should’ve given her a chance before, but I didn’t and that was on me. This time won’t be like before, I’ll be the one chasing her, I promise.”

he walks forward, closer to Seungkwan as Jun, Hansol, Minghao and Jihoon watch in silence. “I’d really like it if you could also give me a chance, I’m sorry I was a horrible friend to you and Y/n. I’ll do my best to make it up to you both.”

Seungkwan deflates, “Y/n especially.” he seems to have given up on his anger after Joshua’s apology, and Joshua smiles happily at the notion.

“Y/n especially.” he repeats.

ꕥ

"Mingyu, hi!" you greet with a giddy smile, moving to hug the tall man as you enter his home.

he grins back, "Y/n!", and sweeps you off your feet, spinning you around as you giggle like children. the rest of your friends watch with amused expressions as he places you down, ruffling your already messy hair even more. you turn to look at the rest of them, "What are we waiting here for, why haven't you guys set up?"

you walk into the living room, placing your basket of snacks down, and beginning to put pillows on the floor. it was movie night, which meant you and the others met up at Mingyu's house and all watched a movie that the majority voted on. tonight it was either The Little Mermaid, or The Exorcist. two very different options, and you were voting for The Exorcist; Seungkwan was the funniest when watching horror movies.

“We were waiting for you to show up.” Jihoon interjects from across the room, beginning to help you place pillows and blankets on the floor.

you stand up, stretching as your arms go up, “Ah, my bad. Well i’m here now!”

you all begin to take your seats on the pillows, snuggling into the blankets. you sigh, content, turning to the side and smiling at Seungkwan. you look to your right to see who is sat beside you there, and lo and behold, there sits Hong Jisoo. your heart jumps for a moment at the close proximity, and you mentally berate yourself for it. you promised yourself you would move on from him, so why was he sticking to you like glue now?

Joshua smiles, “Are you excited to watch The Little Mermaid?”

“Yeah, but I was looking forward to seeing Kwannie all scared. It’s too bad.” you puff out your cheeks, pouting, until Seungkwan hits you with a pillow beside you and you burst into giggles.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” you plead through laughs, falling onto your back as your head lands in Joshua’s lap. Seungkwan stops his assault, causing you to look up with a breathless smile, and you find yourself face to face with Joshua.

he looks at you so sweetly, your heart jumps; the smile on your face falls. you look up at him with wide eyes as you realize your current position.

he looks down at you with an amused grin, “You good?”

you immediately sit up, ignoring the butterflies that run rampant in your stomach.

“I’m good.”

the rest of the boys watch your interaction closely, before Jihoon sighs loudly and presses play on the movie.

you sit with your knees to your chest, trying your best to focus on the movie and not the boy on your right. you knew getting over him was not going to be an easy task, but his sudden friendly behavior has made it hard to make any progress.

half way through the movie you feel him lean closer, “Don’t you think Flounder is cuter in the live action?” he whispers into your ear.

you barely register the words, shocked with the closeness. “Yeah, his voice actor is that kid from Wonder.” you whisper back, glancing at the others to see if they noticed you two speaking. they all remain focused with the television, and you feel silly for thinking you had anything to hide.

Joshua nods beside you, subtly moving closer until your shoulders are touching. the skin on your arm tingles with the warmth, and your mind scrambles for some sort of reasoning as to why he was acting this way.

the movie finishes soon after, with you quickly standing up and excusing yourself before heading to the bathroom.

your face looks flushed in the mirror; you hate that Joshua still manages to get you so flustered.

you slap both of your cheeks, closing your eyes as you take a deep breath. you can do this. you will get over Hong Jisoo.

you exit out of the bathroom, finding most of the guys passed out on the couch, save for Seungkwan, Jihoon and Joshua. you ignore Joshua’s intense stare as you head straight for Seungkwan. you wrap your arms around him, “Ready to go?”

Seungkwan pats your back, “Yeah, let me grab my keys and we can leave.”

you turn, watching as Seungkwan says his goodbyes to Jihoon, though your attention falls onto Joshua when he takes steps towards you. you tilt your head up, crossing your arms, “I’ll see you around, Joshua.”

“Don’t avoid me anymore, okay?” he asks, “We’re friends now, right?”

you hadn’t exactly thought the two of you were close, but you supposed friends was okay. after all, he’s already apologized to you and you’ve seen him in a fairly intimate setting; him crying in a playground at night. you sigh softly at the reminder of that night.

“Yeah. Friends.” you smile, arms uncrossing as he moves to hug you. you wrap your arms around his back, unsure, as he tugs you close. you can smell the subtle cologne coating his skin as you inhale, hating the way you enjoy the scent.

the two of you part, and you say your goodbyes to Jihoon as well. you leave with Seungkwan, feeling more confused than ever. you had given up on Joshua, not only romantically but as a friend. you feel conflicted, but you suppose you should take things as they go.

it wasn’t like he liked you, so all was well. you can still get over your feelings for him as you stay friends, you’re sure of it!

-

you are not sure of anything. ever since your night meeting Joshua at the park, he’s been acting weird; clingy.

and there was nothing wrong with being clingy, you adore your friends who cling to you and shower you with affection! but Hong Jisoo was no ordinary friend of yours, and you find yourself stumped at his behavior. in the span of three weeks, he has baked you cookies; you specifically.

“I baked these just for you, will you try them?” he smiled sweetly. you simply nodded in response.

he’s also waited for you after class; “Y/n!” he shouted, waving with a cute smile as he stands off to the side. you looked at Joshua in shock, before walking towards him and tilting your head, “What’re you here for?”

“You!” he grinned, “Let’s go find the others, i’m starving.” your eyes scan his face, looking to see if this was some sick joke, but he was completely serious. you walk side by side as you meet up with your friends, shrugging when Seungkwan looks at you two with raised brows. you didn’t know either.

what really did it for you however, was his behavior when you mentioned meeting Hongjoong again.

“Yeah, Hongjoong is gonna be at the party, so I…” the smile slipped from his face as soon as you brought it up, causing you to trail off as you tilt your head.

your brows furrow as you stare at Joshua, “I told him I’d meet him there.”

you bite your lip, figuring you should just ask. “Are you okay? You look kind of annoyed.”

Joshua’s face changes immediately as he forces a smile, “Yeah, yeah. I just didn’t know you and Hongjoong were still talking.”

“Oh, yeah, we haven’t stopped. He’s really sweet, we get along well!” you smile happily as you speak, and though Joshua smiles back at you, you feel something off about his demeanour.

“Oh! That’s good, that’s good.”

you pause. he doesn’t sound as genuine as he normally does. he almost looks… Jealous? you try to scrap the thought immediately, but it stays with you as you go about your days.

ꕥ

you’re getting ready for Mingyu’s party, thinking about the fact that Joshua and Hongjoong are going to be in the same vicinity. you just hope it won’t be awkward, but why should it be? the guy you used to like and the guy that currently liked you. that isn't odd in the slightest.

but that doesn't stop you from overthinking it as Seungkwan sighs loudly behind you. you feel a sense of deja vu as he waits for you on your bed, though this time you are not attending the party in hopes of catching Joshua's attention.

much has changed, you realize. you figure any change is a good change, even if your feelings for Joshua were still there.

"Let's go?" you ask with a cheery smile. Seungkwan nods before getting up and shrugging his jacket on. the two of you arrive somewhat late; a consequence of you taking time to get ready.

the moment you walk into the house you are reminded why you dislike parties, until Seungkwan grabs your hand and you relax. you look around, though before you are able to find a familiar face you feel Seungkwan pull you aside. you look up once you are out of the crowd, finding your friends.. and Joshua. you suppose you should consider him part of your friends now, but he was always going to be a little different to you.

"Y/n! Seungkwan! Where have you guys been?" Soonyoung yells, and Seungkwan responds with a shake of his head as he points his finger at you.

you giggle unapologetically, "My bad!"

the rest of them begin to make conversation, before you feel someone stand next to you causing you to look up. you find Joshua, clad in a white button-up and black pants. his sleeves are rolled to his elbow, and you struggle not to ogle his hands.

he smiles, "You look good."

you look down at your outfit abashed, smiling back as you sigh softly, "Thanks, you too."

Joshua opens his mouth, but before he can speak, someone calls your name.

"Y/n?"

you look behind Joshua, finding Hongjoong. "Oh! Hongjoong, hi!"

he walks closer to you, looking at your outfit from head to toe with a small grin, "I've been looking for you. You look gorgeous tonight."

the rest of your friends sit silent, including Joshua who stands off to the side with his arms crossed. you shift nervously as all attention is on you.

"Let's get a drink?" Hongjoong suggests. your eyes dart to Joshua's, finding that he looks rather annoyed. you know you need to get over him, however, so you accept as Hongjoong takes your hand in his, whisking you off to another room.

"What the fuck was that?" Jihoon asks once you’re gone, and the rest of them shrug in response.

Seungkwan takes a sip of Minghao's drink, ignoring his friends' incredulous expression as he responds, "They've been texting, so it makes sense that he'd wanna see her tonight. Sucks for Joshua but looks like my little Y/n has moved on."

Joshua glares at Seungkwan before his eyes find you, across the room, drink in your hand and Hongjoong by your side. that should be him, beside you.

but then he remembers the last time you were here, and knows he has no one but himself to blame.

"I'm going to get a drink," Joshua announces, stalking off before he gets a reply.

Jihoon sighs once Joshua is gone, "Seriously, Seungkwan?"

"What?" Seungkwan pouts.

ꕥ

the rest of the night goes by fast; you enjoy your time with Hongjoong, finding his personality and yours mesh well.

but you can’t shake off the feeling that you don’t see him romantically. perhaps it is your unresolved feelings for Joshua, but you know you can’t lead him on much longer. you’ve tried to move on, but involving another person was not something you wished to do.

it’s almost 12:00am, and your feet are beginning to hurt so you tell Hongjoong you’re going to leave. he moves to hug you, arms wrapping around you tightly as you hug him back.

but once you part, he pauses. he stares at your face, and you stare back up at him. your eyes are wide as he leans closer, and you know he is about to kiss you. you know you need to reject him, and reject him now.

but before you can, you feel someone grab your arm and you are ripped away from Hongjoong’s embrace.

you blanch, looking up at- Joshua.

he looks annoyed, smile nowhere to be seen as he stands tall. he glances at Hongjoong, “We should get going, you’ll see each other another day!”

you hear Hongjoong yell “What the fuck?!” as Joshua tugs you down the hall and into a room.

you follow, too stumped to pause and ask him what the hell he was doing. he shuts the door, finally letting go of you as you look up at him as though he is crazy.

“What the fuck, Joshua?”

you look around, finding yourself in the same room you were in when you overheard Joshua on that night.

he stands off to the side, silent once again but you aren’t having it this time.

“No, you need to say something, Joshua. That was so disrespectful to Hongjoong-”

“Please, enough about Hongjoong.” he interrupts.

you scoff, “Is that what this is about? You always seemed weird when I talked about him but I don’t understand why. You can’t just hate him for no reason.”

you feel your hands shake beside you as you question Joshua, unsure and angered that he would do something so rude in front of someone you considered a friend. because even if you didn’t like Hongjoong romantically, he was someone you cherished as a person.

Joshua sighs, “I have my reasons.”

you roll your eyes at him, “Care to elaborate? That’s not enough to justify your behavior back there.”

Joshua is silent once again. you observe the way he fiddles with his sleeves; he looks almost nervous, and you feel yourself calm down at the notion.

“Is something wrong? Did I do something? Or did he do something?”

Joshua shakes his head firmly, “It’s not you. And it’s not him either. Well, it’s kind of you, but also me.”

you’re at a complete loss now, “Please, just explain Joshua.”

the silence is deafening. the loud music blares through the door behind you, muffled lyrics that you can’t bring yourself to decipher as you stare at Joshua across the room. what could possibly be so important that he had to interrupt your goodbye with Hongjoong? especially in the manner he did it? you are completely confused.

Joshua sighs, glancing at the floor before staring directly at you. your heart jumps as your eyes meet.

“I like you. I have feelings for you.”

your breath comes to a halt and your hands shake once more, this time for a reason other than anger.

“What do you…”

he sighs, ruffling his hands through his hair. “I started liking you somewhere along the way after that night at the park. I should’ve done things differently.”

your lips part at his confession.

“I should have never avoided you, I should have apologized as soon as you heard me. And I shouldn’t have ruined your chances with Hongjoong back there.”

he looks sulky and annoyed, “But he was going to kiss you! And I hadn’t even gotten to confess. I know it’s unfair, but I couldn’t have let him have the chance to kiss you before I told you how I felt. I’m sorry.”

he’s out of breath by the end of his apology, and you find yourself utterly stumped at the confession. of all things, you were not expecting the man you have been chasing for a year to suddenly confess.

but before anything else, you needed to clarify things. “Joshua, I wasn’t going to kiss him.”

his brows furrow, “Yes you were, he was leaning closer to kiss you, Y/n.”

you huff out a laugh at the anger coating his words, “Yes, but I wasn’t going to kiss him.”

“Oh…” he mumbles. “So you don’t like him then?”

you shake your head with a shy smile, “No, actually. There’s this other guy I’ve been interested in for a while now.”

Joshua perks up, “Oh really? Do I know him by any chance?”

he takes slow steps towards you, hand darting out to gently grasp yours, fingers intertwining as he squeezes softly. you stare into his brown irises,

“Hmm.. dunno. You may have met once or twice.”

Joshua leans closer, breath fanning your face as he bends down. “Just to be clear, we are talking about me, right?” he asks lowly.

you tilt your head up, rolling your eyes with a smile, “Yes, doofus. Who else would I be talking about?”

he frowns, “Well, you could’ve easily been talking about Hongjoong, since-”

you roll your eyes once more before grabbing his face and pulling him towards you. you interrupt his rambling, “I’m going to kiss you, so if you want to run away, now is the chance.”

“Like I’d run away after pining after you for so long,” he scoffs, leaning in and capturing your lips with his.

his lips feel soft against yours, moving slowly as you push forward, deepening the kiss as your hands shake. his left arm moves to wrap around your waist as his right one tilts your head up, maneuvering you into the perfect position. you know you need air but Joshua’s lips make you delirious.

“Jisoo.” you pant, breaking away.

he presses another kiss to your lips, “Mm?”

your hands push gently at his chest, “That was great, but I need air.”

he smiles at your comment, pearly teeth coming into view. he tucks a lock of hair behind your ear, “Whatever my girl wants.”

your chest warms at his words as you push him away with another roll of your eyes. he laughs softly at the action, only pulling you closer as he pecks your temple.

ꕥ

“So, what did you end up telling Hongjoong?” Seungkwan asks, eyes wide and lips parted curiously.

you sigh, “I just told him I was interested in someone else and that I was sorry. He was really sweet about it and promised we’d stay friends.”

Minghao exhales, shaking his head, “Wow. What a nice guy. You sure you didn’t make the wrong choice, Y/n?”

Joshua tugs you into his embrace tighter as he glares at Minghao, “Haven’t I learned my lesson already?”

Minghao sticks his tongue out at him in response causing you to shake your head with a laugh.

Hansol snorts across the room, “Children, I tell you.”

the rest of them begin bickering with one another as you sink into Joshua’s embrace. so perhaps happy endings did exist, even for someone like you. the love and care you so desperately craved from Joshua seemed like a wishful dream, only coming true when you had truly given up.

but you appreciate the journey that led you to where you are now. with a new friend; Hongjoong, and a closer bond with your current friends who made mistakes and made it up to you, you know happiness is not a mere myth.

as Joshua wraps his arms around you and places his chin above your shoulder, you smile at the scene of your friends surrounding you. everything you’ve ever needed was right there.

Extra:

“What did you want to talk about, Jisoo?” Juyeon asks distractedly, the soft sound of pages turning echoing through the phone.

you are seated beside Joshua, hand in his as his other one holds up his phone to his ear. you squeeze once, shooting him a reassuring smile as he smiles shakily back.

“I’m not taking over the company.”

the sound of ruffling papers pauses, a deafening silence comes before his brothers low voice asks, “What?”

Joshua sits up straight. “I’m not taking over the company. I don’t want to.”

“Have you forgotten why you must take over the company? It’s your responsibility! You cannot just refuse!” his brothers' voice sends shivers down his spine; a result of the exhausting power dynamic that has always existed between the two. but Joshua was done with that life, he was done playing the quiet little brother who did everything Juyeon asked for.

a glance at your encouraging face has his heart seizing up. he could do this, if not for himself then for you.

Joshua sighs quietly, “I’m paying for my own tuition, so I’ll choose what I want to study. I’m done with the company, and I’m done with you, Juyeon.”

“That is not your decision to make, Jisoo!” Juyeon shouts, voice so loud your eyes widen as you hear it. Joshua squeezes your hand to let you know he’s okay. he wishes things could have been different.

“Actually, it is. You hold no power over me. I don’t want to hear from you unless it’s an apology. I’ll talk to you some other time, Juyeon-hyung. I hope you grow into a better person and become a better brother. As much as I wish things didn’t have to be this way, I know they have to be for now.”

his voice begins to tremble as he sucks in a deep breath, “Goodbye, Hyung.”

he removes the phone from his ear, finger pressing the end button even as he continues to hear Juyeon yell.

Joshua sighs, placing his phone face down on the couch beside him.

“How was it?” you ask, though you already know the answer. Joshua smiles, somewhat forced as he collapses into your arms.

he inhales softly, “I just need my Y/n hugs and I’ll be okay.”

you run a hand through his hair as you kiss the top of his head, “Sure, that and Y/n’s food. Don’t think you’re getting away with sleeping and not eating dinner.”

he groans and picks his head up, lip jut out as you kiss his pout away. “No pouting, eat and then sleep! I’ll be here the whole time.”

he drops his head on your chest, snuggling back into you, “Yeah, that’s the best part.”

you smile down and peck his head once more. you truly were so lucky.

@scuzmunkie ;>

[endless-ineffabilities]

reconnaissance (1/3)

Bucky Barnes x f!reader

Reader goes on a recon mission with the White Wolf himself, formerly the Winter Soldier, which goes awry.

(a.k.a. you two idiots are clearly in love but don't do anything about it, until circumstances become so heightened that you are forced to)

masterlist ▪︎ word count: <1k

"Come in, do you copy?"

You keep walking, ignoring Bucky's increasingly grating tone in your earpiece.

"Respond, do you hear me? Meet back at the rendezvous in 2 minutes." Bucky tries again, seemingly deciding that this recon stint is done and dusted. Without even consulting you.

"I know what I'm doing, Buck." You keep up your pace, tailing the man you're supposed to gather intel on. He rounds the corner and unlocks a room, presumably his own office on the base, and disappears inside. "I'll meet you as soon as I'm finished."

"You are finished." Bucky snaps right back. He's only a block away, but he's getting worried that if something were to happen to you, he wouldn't make it on time. "We're only meant to scout the area, assess their operation. Not tail them right inside their fuckin' HQ."

"Woah there, grandpa, watch your language." You smirk, and you can picture him grinding his teeth in frustration. Why is he so worried anyhow? From what you've gathered, this organization is made up of a bunch of blip fanatics who want to restore the world to how Thanos left it. Balanced, sure, as the old shriveled grape said. But also in chaos - with everyone sufferring loss and living listlessly.

These people are insane. And insane is easy to handle, as far as you're concerned. Not one of the big 3 - aliens, androids, and wizards - just pure idiotic nutters.

Bucky has resorted to pacing on the roof of the dilapidated apartment complex he uses as a viewpoint. "Something's not right here. The man you're tailing was never meant to head to their HQ today. I have a feeling they found us out."

"Did they also figure that I would not give a rat's ass about that and - "

"Take the bait?" Bucky interjects.

"No. That I would beat them at their own game. " You whisper irately. You pause when the man comes out of his office and walks away from where you hide. "Wait, I'm going in."

"Don't do anything stupid, doll." Bucky pleads. For a moment, you want to cave in. He no longer sounds bossy, or annoying, like he tends to be on missions where it's just the two of you. He usually tells you to stick to the plan, to stick with him. Like you're incapable of going off on your own. Sure, he has decades more experience, and the effects of a Super Soldier serum to boot, but you wish he would just trust you. But he sounds like he's either desperate to get back home and get this shit over with, or he actually cares that much about you. "Just come back to me. Now. "

"Bucky," you breathe, steadying yourself. "C'mon. This'll be just like that time in Gdansk."

He feels an ounce of relief creeping in. Maybe you're right. "Then I'll be waiting for you, doll. Like always."

Doll. That still sends shivers up your spine. But he doesn't have to know that, does he? You walk up to the office door, and try to make quick work of the lock. "I won't be long. And quit calling me doll."

"What then? Princess?"

"No."

"Sweetheart? Has a nice ring to it." He counters quickly. He must have been sitting on this one for a while.

"Bucky - "

"Yes, darlin'?"

"Alright, that's it. I'm done with this conversation." You warn him, but the colouring on your cheeks betray your tone. Good thing he's not around to call you out on it. The lock gives way, and the door creaks open. "I'm in."

"Damn it." You hear him mumble to himself, seconds later. "Why does she never listen? I think she's actually trying to kill me. Give me a damn heart attack."

"That's likely, isn't it?" You give an unsolicited response. "Considering that you're about 100 years old."

"106, actually." He quips back, pinching the bridge of his nose, tapping his foot, taking deep breaths. He tries everything to calm down and not agonize over you. But nothing works. Bucky doesn't know what he would do if anything were to happen to you.

No. That's not quite right. He doesn't know what he wouldn't do - because he would do anything, kill anyone, just to get you back.

And you just can't seem to grasp that. Though it might have something to do with how he constantly hovers over you like an overprotective older brother, with Sam once remarking how you've got yourself a personal bodyguard. You think that's all it is - Bucky being a nice guy. Bucky watching your back as you would do the same for him. Bucky wanting to keep you in line, so that the missions would go smoothly, especially since he is technically acting as your superior.

You don't see how Bucky's gaze lingers a bit too long on your lips when you relay your mission reports to him. How his hand often finds itself hovering over the small of your back when you walk side by side. You don't know that he observed (not stalked, according to him) how your date played out with that one fellow agent that asked you out. How he tried to find solace in the bottom of a bottle when you invited that agent back to your apartment.

And how he made arrangements to have that agent indefinitely reassigned to Eastern Europe the week after.

The office you enter is encased in shadow, the window shutters all lowered. You're careful not to turn on any switches, so as not to trigger alarms. With steady hands, you raise your Beretta 92FS before you, the accompanying flashlight illuminating the room.

Then you see it. A map of the city pinned to a board covering the east wall.

"Talk to me," Bucky barks in your ear. "What do you see?"

"Jackpot." You can't help but grin. Breaking Bucky's rules pays off after all. This'll show him. "It looks like some blueprint for how they plan to infiltrate the city. Red markings for the areas where they will release the poison in the water supply."

"And how the hell do you know that?"

"Well, boss," you roll your eyes. "probably because there's a note at the bottom of the damn map that says release poison in water supply."

"Oh."

Yeah. Oh.

"Don't take it with you," he starts, but you beat him to it.

"Course I won't. I've already got the whole thing memorized to a tee."

"Get out of there. Now." Bucky emphasizes, and you don't know whether to be touched by how worried he sounds.

"Alright, alright, keep your hair on." Taking one final look at the scene, you head back to the door. But the handle doesn't budge. "That's weird."

At that, Bucky knew something was definitely not right. As if he did not already warn you stay out of there. His blood runs cold, and he springs into action before you can say anything further. Sprinting down the street, he tries to get you to keep talking. "I told you not to do this, doll. I told you."

"I can handle it." But the door stays closed. It doesn't even respond to your exceptional lock-picking skills. You hear a whooshing sound to your right, like a mechanical panel opening. At once, you get into a defensive stance, gun at the ready.

You don't see anything, but you can smell it. It's some kind of gas. A strong sedative, you recall from your training.

"Oh, shit." You mutter. Holding your breath can only keep you safe for so long.

"Goddamnit," Bucky curses while running, not even out of breath, "it's gas, isn't it? I knew it, I just knew it, doll!"

"I'll try the windows." You offer, but quickly find out they're of no use. Sealed shut, like the door.

Bucky's rambling now, desperate. "Should've listened... you should've... stay with me, doll. Stay with me."

You still hear his voice as white spots flood your vision. Dread sinks in as you succumb to the sensation, but you steel yourself. You will get through this. You will.

Especially when you've got Bucky promising, "I'm coming for you, doll. No one is taking you from me."

(a/n) yes, I've rewatched tfatws again. Which prompted this lil thing. Not that I was not absolutely besotted with our Bucky for a good long time back in the day (still am). Are y'all more for Steve or Bucky? Both would be better ofc, but I've never been able to choose. Let me know! 🤷🏻‍♀️💙

part 2 coming shortly!

[wolfythewitch]

Do you ever have that feeling where, despite your distance with your religion, there's still moments where sparks of what you were bought up with, return?

I'm from a religious family, but I'm not in touch with my own religion. Yet there's me calling in the name of the Lord before and after I eat. It's like this lingering piece that I never turn to look at but somehow slips into my ordinary life.

I don't really know you that much, or your religious status. But seeing your religious talks made me want to bring this up.

I don't even know if I make sense here- just- ignore this if you want to, I don't know.

Hmmm I think so. My whole thing with it is really complicated haha. I still go to church every Sunday, though I prefer doing volunteer work with the kids over listening to the sermon. I pray before I eat out of habit. I find myself quoting the bible more often than I open to read it (though this is changing because of all the times I look for references lol). There's a resentment that I get whenever it's brought up, especially around my family. I find myself immediately on guard the minute it becomes subject of conversation. Sometimes at night I'll pace around and just talk. I don't know if I'm talking to myself or to god or whoever but. I'll talk. I think I still believe in him. I definitely believe that there's something out there. I don't think the question is of belief as much as it is of care. Do I care enough to try?

I'll say this though. Whatever I'm doing right now has gotten me to think more about bible and religion than I have in the past few years. So. That's fun! Who knew trying to explore something your own way instead of the way forced onto you by your environment gives your room to feel everything out without any preexisting pressure?

[mylifeisfruk4ever]

"What the fuck?"

Selina felt that those three words were enough to describe her whole relationship with Bruce Wayne. First as Batman, then as Bruce.

She had thought there might be something between them. Luckily it had passed, and a weird friendship had developed between them. Which might make some people turn up their noses since she was a thief and he was a vigilante but Bruce hasn't been so uptight lately and as long as Selina didn't kill and steal only who deserved it, they were fine.

Still, what the heck?

"Oh, Brucie is growing up," Harley said, all too pleased.

She was upright on the bed, while Pamela sat on the other side trimming her nails, seemingly ignoring the ongoing conversation.

Fuck house arrest for both of them. Why had she accepted? Oh yeah, they were friends.

Alsp, Bruce hoped that with her, Pamela and Harley could direct their impulses towards more correct forms of fighting for their principles, without involving innocent people.

So far it wasn't going to be great, but at least Harley had dumped her clown ex, for good this time, so it was a win.

(Probably more thanks to Pamela than her, but details.)

"Let me get this straight…you, mister, I don't look anyone in the face and if you talk to me for more than five minutes I'll start crying, you want….I can't believe I'm about to say it…learn how to seduce a man."

"Exactly," Bruce replied, as he petted one of Selina's cats.

"Just…why?"

"Who cares?" Harley broke in.

"He finally wants to step outside his boundaries! You have my respect!"

"It's not about going outside my boundaries. It's about planetary security."

"Really?" Selina said, half joking.

"Superman is powerful enough to destroy the planet."

This knocked Harley over, and Pamela finally stopped pretending not to pay attention.

Selina didn't know whether to laugh hysterically or slap him on the head, "Do you want to seduce Superman?!"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"To discover his weaknesses and use them against him when his powers drive him insane."

"Wow, talking about trust issues," was Harley's comment.

"I like to be prepared," Bruce said.

"What did the boy scout do to make you fear that he might become world dictator at the slightest provocation?"

The man pouted adorable, and grumbled. Selina still wasn't an expert at translating each other's mumbling but she swore it was something like smiling too much, and I don't trust him, he's got something to hide.

Harley said, "Isn't Superman having an affair with that reporter? Lois Lane?"

"She is General Lane's daughter. A close relationship is not advisable."

"She seems to know him well. Why don't you ask her?"

"She wouldn't answer me, so as not to betray him. Everyone says he's a hero."

"And you obviously don't believe it," Selina suspected.

"No."

"What makes you think he might be interested in men?" Selina asked him.

Harley laughed, "Cupcake, no completely straight man would wear pants that tight."

"Same conclusion I came to."

Oh good. The fate of the world was entrusted to a pair of tight trousers.

"Besides, I've done some research on him, and I might be his type. At least physically. What I lack is the ability to seduce him to lower his defenses and believe me harmless."

"Ability you think we have?" Selina asked, not sure whether to feel offended or not.

"Gotham is very sexist," Bruce said.

"You did your best to manipulate men who thought they knew better."

Pamela smiled, "I'm liking this one."

“I told you Brucie's one of the good ones,” Harley genuinely smiled as she said it.

"And he's a weirdo, like us."

Selina wanted to moan. This is what happens when you make friends with strange vigilantes. She said, "So Superman has a thing for brunettes. Good to know. Have you thought about what to do in case your brilliant plan fails?"

"It won't fail," he said confidently.

"You don't know," she insisted, trying to give him some common sense. A futile undertaking, it was Bruce she was talking to.

"Superman is overconfident. He will fall into the net."

"Definitely not dressed like that honey," Harley commented, taking a long look to Bruce.

"What's wrong with the way I'm dressed?"

"You look like a creepy stalker," Selina said. Army jacket, hat, scarf to cover her face and mascara for her eyes. Bruce was a walking fashion insult. They're definitely going to have to fix his wardrobe, make him wear things that flatter his body and…

Oh god, she was totally on board with that plan, right?

Read more

[10underoot2]

Faithful Lovers

This scene has become one of my favourite things to exist.

I love this scene for the rawness and openess of conversation. It's both of them telling each other with so much conviction why they need the other to see their perspective. It's vulnerable, it's beautifully done, it's art.

The pain in the hug is so palpable but so is the comfort. It's so hard to see her trying to add distance between them - before Hyunwoo pulls her into his embrace - cause she can.not.be.swayed.by.him. Does Hyunwoo apologise for putting her in a situation like this? For not realising just how much she has to lose? Or for being selfish begging her to say yes to this surgery?

Don’t do this to me. Don’t make me want to live. I won't be able to recognize you. I'll become a stranger.

First things first, thank you Kim Jiwon for that delivery. It killed me emotionally, made me cry and want to hug you even more. Protect this beautiful smoll bean at all costs.

Notice how one of the major things that keeps breaking her resolve is him. His love. His understanding. His physical being. Yet the only thing stopping her from living is also him . His memories. His love. Him.

When he tries to convince her that she will fall in love with him again her little head shake says 'But it won't be the same.' I love how it isn't written off as Oh I know I'll be able to love you. She has doubts. So many of them. I think just the idea that she could wake up and lose her ability to love him is unbearable to her. What if she can't love with the same intensity? Not feel what she feels right this moment? What if she looks into his eyes after the surgery and feels like she would rather forget him than die? Haein knows how much Hyunwoo's put into ensuring she lives yet she rather experience that love than throw it all away on a chance.

But Hyunwoo is defiant. He's not taking no for an answer. He can't anymore. He hates that she won't listen to him. That she's having doubts. Isn't it common sense? He'll be there. They'll figure it all out. She'll be alive. It's such an interesting and logical perspective to have 'as long as there is life anything can happen.' because once she's dead that's it.. it's the end. But if she's alive, the possibility and capacity of love still exists.

Even if you don't fall for me, ignore me or dislike me I'll still be there for you through it all. Why doesn't this kid understand that's exactly why she can't agree to it. She can't bear the possibility of that happening.

I think Hyunwoo shines when he says 'I made a promise. That I'd be by your side even if there's a debt or something more. So don't worry and just stay here please.'

Notice how this is directly in contrast with what she says right at the beginning 'We make promises in good times thinking they'll never end.' But Hyunwoo remembers and he's willing to be there through it all.

Don't pray about dying. I'm terrified it'll come true.

She's praying to die. Let that sink in. For a man who believes enough to pray for her to be saved, when her death is so imminent - almost a fact, this is indeed terrifying. I feel his fear and pain. Good grief, she's praying to die when there's such a big possibility of exactly that. She accepted her fate and he's willing to fight tooth and nail to change it. It's a tesimtiment to how many times he's spent thinking of a life without her. He's convincing her to rid of their memories. I know he's aware of exactly what it means. The chances they're taking but the idea of not seeing her again is so unbearable for him.

I love Haein's strong mindedness. She didn't budge. Her last look for me read 'I get it. I get it all but just no. I can't lose you. Please don't cry and make this harder. Don't make me want to live.' and with that she hardens her heart as she steps away and takes her hand from him.

While this man, ouff this man. Can we take a moment to appreciate the sheer desperation on his face. After she signals no again he's so helpless. 'Please, please see me and live, if only for me. I cannot fathom this earth without you.' Seriously, we all need to take a minute to appreciate his desperation throughout this scene. The woman that he loves, his ideal women won't agree to stay alive because she loves him too deeply. Just writing this hurts me.

It's interesting this scene works because by now we know where they both stand in this episode. For me, the reason this scene shines is the vulnerability - the two of them having this extremely open and confrontational confession. When scenes like this are executed and written well it creates everlasting frames like this.

Also they both suck at praying. If you're praying just pray to keep her alive and keep her memories intact. Why are they picking and choosing? It's not like God has a limit to what he can do. Truly nonsense prayers from both of them. 🙃

Gif credits: @jcpostsobsessions and @seawherethesunsets

[hina-hina]

Hello i was wondering if you could write ghost and a daughter reader who wants to follow ghosts steps but he doesn't like the idea and they ended up in big argument and wasn't able to make up before he left

Hello friend! I love this request and it's something quite similar to what I did for Price a while back. Still one of my favorite scenarios! Thank you for requesting, Hope you enjoy!!

Tried something new with this one, I hope you guys like it! I saw another writing using this format but I can't remember the user. If you know, please lmk so I can give proper credit!

Ghost is a single dad in this btw!!

→ COD Masterlist

|| Ghost With a Daughter That Wants to Go Into the Military ||

Warnings: Wicked amounts of angst but also fluff

Female!Reader // Platonic

Your dad always claimed that you were a little too much like him

Most of the time, he found it endearing

But then their are times he wished you didn't take after him so much

He had come home from deployment and he could tell something was up

You had insisted on making him a home cooked meal because you knew he had been surviving off bland MREs for months

But he sat down and the two of you had a pleasant dinner and exchanged stories on what had been happening in your respective lives

When you suddenly got serious, he knew he was in for it

You scooted your chair close to him and grasped his hand which had been lying on the table then said you had something to tell him

His mind immediately starts jumping to the worse but he tries to keep it under control and let you finish

Then you tell him that you plan to enlist in the military

He is immediately shook by fear and just tells you a simple but firm, "No."

"You didn't even let me explain!" You shout back as he back.

Ghost jumps from his chair, turning his back on you as he runs a shaky hand down his face, "You don't need to explain, the answer is no."

Your face screws up, anger at your father's abrupt dismissiveness, you grumble, "It wasn't a question."

He turns, his face drawn up in a surprised annoyance, "Excuse me?"

"What's the big deal, anyway." You were standing now, locked into an intense stare-off with Ghost, "Your in the military."

"I joined the military to ensure you would never have to. Conversation over." His accent was becoming thicker as you could almost sense his rising anger.

You were being overtaken with such childish anger. You wanted to stomp your feet and scream until he decided to listen to you. You hated fighting with your dad but you couldn't stand how protective he was over you sometimes.

Ghost was now moving to collect the dishes, ignoring looking at you entirely as he moved to put them in the sink. Him dropping the conversation and trying to move on like nothing happened only made you more angry.

"Well, I'm doing it whether you like it or not!"

You knew you were being childish now but that didn't stop you. You turned on your heel and stomped up the stairs to your bedroom, slamming the door for good measure.

The next few days were painful to say the least. It was filled with silent dinners and the both of you being too prideful to start the conversation again.

This continued until the day came where he had to return to base to prepare for his newest mission.

That's what brought you to today, the both of you standing face to face in the living room. He was dressed in civvies but he had his impossibly large military duffle tossed over one shoulder, his balaclava gripped in one hand as he prepared to become Ghost again.

"I'll be back in a few months. I'll send letters and tell Mrs. Davies is next door if you need anything."

You nod your head but still refuse to speak, causing a deep sigh to rumble from his chest. He looked like he wanted to say something but he didn't. Instead, he opened his arms slightly, a subtle invitation for a hug.

You don't move a muscle.

He face twitches with disappointment before he raises his hands to pull his balaclava on, hiding his facial expressions from you.

"Bye, love."

He heads out the door and locks it behind him. You feel your eyes start to sting.

Despite what happened when you left, he does keep true to his promise to send letters up until the day comes when he has to ship out.

You don't hear from him again and you spend the next few weeks sulking alone. Until a knock comes from the door, causing you to drag yourself from your bed despite how your body fights against it.

You open the door and standing there, shifting nervously, is none other than John MacTavish, your father's sergeant.

Your heart sinks, "Can I help you?"

"Hi, lassie," He smiles but it seems forced, "I was sent by your father's task force to inform you that yer dad has been injured while in action."

"What?" Your voice cracks, a hand coming up to cover your mouth.

"He's alright now, gunnin' to see you actually. I can drive you to the hospital, if you want?"

Immediately, all the things that you were angry about seem so insignificant. You regret not hugging him even more. You give the other man a slight nod as you rush to grab your purse, locking the house and rushing out to his car. He doesn't push you to talk and he pretends not to notice the silent tears streaming down your face.

When you arrive to the hospital, John walks you through the secure areas in the military hospital and leads the way to your father's room. He holds the door open for you and you inch inside.

Ghost is laying on the stiff hospital bed, eyes shooting toward the door as he watches you enter. His eyes crinkle from under his balaclava, a tell-tell sign that he is smiling. "Thanks, Johnny. Mind givin' us a minute?"

"Not at all, sir." John closes the door behind himself leaving you and your dad in the silent hospital room.

Your dad is the first one to speak, "How are you, love?"

You crumble. Your eyes fill with tears as you stumble toward your father's bedside. His arms immediately open and you jump straight into them, careful to avoid his bandaged wounds. He shushes you softly as you beginning to release hiccuping sobs.

"I'm s-so sorry! You got hurt and I didn't even give you a fucking hug before you left! I'm s-sorry, Dad!"

"Enough of that, no more Scrikin', now." He wipes your tears away, taking one hand to pull his balaclava off. He never liked wearing it around you. "I'm sorry for not hearing you out. I just can't stand to think of something happenin' to ye. But, I promise we will talk about it. Don't go jumpin' into anything just cause your old man said you couldn't."

You laugh, rubbing at your ruddy cheeks with the sleeves of your shirt, "Ok."

"Love ya, kid." He ruffles your hair.

"Love you too, Dad."

Thank you for reading!